#anyways i shouldnt talk abt this in the tags lmao
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hough save me gay yaoi
#coming out to my shadowvaniller lovers rn..............i actually also like purecacao it was the first ship i liked when i started playing#and i AM biased towards it no matter how much pv sobs over lily in the game this is MY pretend land#actually i have drawn stuff in my interpretation of pv and wls friendship#its definitely an energy of... doomed lovers never meant to be SNRRKS idk i just feel theyre both very aware of the missed chance they had#so much time has passed yet none at all and theyre ... the same but also so fundamentally different#maybe in another time another life#anyways i shouldnt talk abt this in the tags lmao#cookie run kingdom#crk fanart#fanart#shadow milk cookie#pure vanilla cookie#white lily cookie#dark cacao cookie#shadowvanilla#pureshadow#my drawbs
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in a bad mood for multiple unrelated reasons :thumbsup:
#dooooooo i vent in the tags#yk what why shouldnt i#ok so. for one my executives have been dysfunctioning since monday and i think rn is the event horizon of 'oh my god if u dont work now'#and you know what ive been doing instead of working? watching a 24hr stream of armored core 6#so thats like. whatever#its the whole too depressed to do anything so you kinda vegetate which lowers ur energy even further and worsens your mood#but then a friend wanted to get my advice on like. relationship troubles hes having#and i just . was not able to connect at all. and it's like man sometimes im not even sure if i have emotions lmao#like i pride myself on Being In A Better Place Than I Was In Highschool#(like. im not considering jumping out the window every other morning)#but like. sometimes it feels like i just dont like#like other people have these rich experiences and deep loves and all this stuff and im never gonna get it#it'd be nice to be loved or be in a relationship but really like#my biggest fear is just. im in a relationship and something bad happens to my partner#and i realize i dont care#idk theres like a lot swirling in my brain#i just want to be like...#i think writing this out has actually made it worse lmao#god forbid if someones reading this please dont reach out to me abt it i do not want to talk abt it#no matter how much other people say they care abt me it never seems real anyways so like cool#god i was doing so well before going back to college and im stupid enough to actually fucking like school#i just like.#whatever#like being alive really hurts right now#i cant really put a bow on that
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went into my drafts and dug up the post i made where i was gonna outline a steddyhands fic where stede wasnt just nice to izzy out of nowhere and i finished it up but oh my GOD that shit was fucking hard. kept thinking about ed's face when izzy said "i should've let the english kill you" and becoming overcome with rage.
#mine#mwp#<- thats my writing tag#and usually i use it to talk about my ACTUAL fics (of which none are finished). but idk i dont want this to get into any fan tags lmao#anyway. i wrote it. it's done. whatever. i forget when i scheduled it for but it'll post and then i can forget abt it#i started writing that post in JULY and then got stuck on ''ok so why shouldnt they just kill izzy now tho''#and i wanted to give up but some of what i'd written by that point i kinda liked. like i might steal scenes from it for smthng else#but i didnt want it in my draftsssss and i didnt know where else to fucking put it#so i fucking finished it to get it out of there. the end
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#i’m rambling/slightly-vulnerable-posting in the tags of this post#100% genuine do not feel obligated to read i just don’t have any other vent outlets omg#i would invest in a journal but 1) feels too intimate and 2) cannot trust it to not be found#anyways tho!!!!!#imposter syndrome is. really happening tonight!#like idk it’s like i’ve always known ‘identity is fluid’ but i always felt like it applied to everyone else#and then i think abt the ways my identity has changed between 13-21 and it just feels?? idk#like i almost feel guilty? in a sense?#esp bc between like idk august to now i have been having like. stacked identity crises.#and a part of me feels like i should’ve figured this shit out already lmao#and another part of me is like ‘would an X person really think abt this all the time’#and then /another/ part of me feels like i am just faking everything even though i. am not. but sometimes brain bad!!#and it’s just weird#and sometimes very much this feeling of ‘are these feelings genuine or am i thinking too much’#and i feel a lot of that with gender but like.#that esp i feel almost scared to talk abt bc i have Thoughts and Feelings#and then i overthink and my brain is just like ‘nope ur lying ur doing this for attention ur just thinking too much’#like idk my whole identity sometimes feels like just a back and forth with my own brain#and it always just comes back to ‘shouldnt i know this stuff already?’#‘why does it feel like everything just suddenly changed’#and most of all (and my personal favorite /s):#‘are these feelings real or am i uprooting everything bc i feel like i’m losing my grip on a lot of stuff’#like idk i feel like that sounds. bad.#and i’m hesitant to call it this bc ik it has serious connotations but sometimes it feels obsessive#and like. would pay money for someone to tell me what i am#bc i have thoughts and feelings but it’s like i’m scared to commit bc like. what if temporary.#or what if not taken seriously. or not wanted. fun shit like that!#A N Y W A Y S THOUGH#also if u made it this far 1) god bless and 2) i’m not fishing for attention i just needed a vent space omg
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lmao ok its like almost 1am and i gotta sleep but um ok maybe i shouldnt say the bombings “isn’t entirely justified”, cause it isn’t justified. at all. have to say i didnt make that clear, my fault, but at the same time, lol it isnt the point of my posts. anyways, i dont know their trauma, and i make no attempts talking about their trauma. but ive seen documentaries. ghost of people casted on broken radiated stones cause they are pulverized at the centre of a nuclear explosion, horrific scars on survivors’ bodies, the trauma materializing in popular culture in the form of monster--trauma thats probably never gonna be healed. Japanese folks sure arent silent about their trauma and the horrific aftermath of the bombings, and the world listened. you all sure are passionated abt talking abt their trauma, for some reason. that post about gozilla got like 100k notes lmao. ive seen multiple posts about how unjustified the bombings are during my time here. is it bc u all are into anime and watched grave of fireflies? lol?
u know i know large size national traumas caused by war...are not comparable, i dont wanna talk abt what happened to nanking, or other places or regions during sino japanese war. its not comparable. but u all think i dont know and i dont care what happened to hiroshima and nagasaki? i know and i cared! for the longest time i didnt know how to feel abt it, any of it. but also im tired of seeing japanese folks using their own trauma to play the victim mentality, positioning themselves as victims of WWII when they 100% aren’t lol. I’m tired of nobody caring about that, since while they are playing victim mentality, Japanese war criminals are being honoured as heroes, the Japanese government still refuses to make a apology about the invasion they wouldn’t retract afterwards, and japanese imperalism is still alive in Japan! japanese history textbooks are imbedded with worrying messages, and dude! i didnt came up with these, people whos gone to Japan and studied Japanese history curriculum did! They are documentaries (in Chinese tho) about how Japanese history textbook refuses to call their invasion of China (and probably other asian countries like korea etc), an “invasion”. There are questions asking the kids if Japan would win against China when the country engage China in a 100 years from now. Not IF there would be an engagement. the premise of the question is that there will be another conflict!
i said my great grandpa died in nanking massacre. he most likely did. (u know they spread news abt the massacre after it happened, in America. it probably just helped Americans to justify their ultimate engagement with imperial Japan’s military after pearl harbour happened) idk how long, probably two years ago, my mom told me about grandma. she told me that my great grandpa went to Nanking to run some errands, right after he went, grandma and her sisters lost contact with him and the city’s gate shuts down--the massacre begins. My grandpa was never heard of again. My mom said, “we couldn’t even find his body”. There are too many mass graves in nanking, no one could find anybody’s bodies, esp an insignificant person like my great grandpa who isnt a permanent residence of the city. i asked my mom, “so he got killed by the japanese?”. my mom said “well yeah, probably.” so no, im not sure abt it, but i dont have to have a great grandfather dying in the massacre to justify my anger abt the massacre and japan’s continuous denial of the massacre. It’s national pain, it’s national trauma too. However, for a while i actually like to think that he didnt died at the hands of japanese. I thought that, its entirely possible he just abandoned my grandma and his sisters and run away in the middle of chaos. even now, i thought that, maybe i misheard what my mom said. maybe my mom misheard from grandma. a while ago, folks in China were being foolish and boycotting Japanese products. Irrational and unproductive hate tbh, and boycotting Japanese brands only wreck Chinese economy cause none of these products being sold in China are produced in Japan lol. I didn’t wanna be one of these people giving to unproductive hate and irrational anger. but seems like, thats really above me. Anyways, theres a lot of speculations, but what i do know is that grandma had a hard life without the main financial support (my great grandpa) in her life. she lived in poverty all her life, travelled from shanghai all the way to beijing for work. never get the education she deserves, was a factory worker her whole life.
i thought abt grandma a lot these days. my grandma died on 4th of july, 2006. its been 11 years today (or rather, yesterday, in my time zone). i realize i couldnt even remember much of her voice or face, and that makes me incredibly sad. i was gonna talk abt missing her and about the whole legacy of 2nd sino japanese war during WWII, at one point. But i guess its gonna be today at 1am lol--seems like an awkward time to do that since i just went the fuck off on tumblr dot com lmao. i wanted to go off abt this whole thing for at least a year now tho lmao. hope grandma wouldn’t mind i start thinking about all these after my mom revealed bits of info about her life. i miss her a lot and i wished i could have known her better, but there wasn’t enough time.
this is a mass of disorganized rambling and i dont even know where to begin to tag triggers for this post.....idk maybe dont read idk
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softly whispers all for the flower ask
baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with
chickens/eggs
lance lol
cereal….. everyone in class is stealing my trademark…
water
memes
bleeding heart: what makes you heart go mushy?
fuck,,, my fav characters?? and if i like someone then them i guess? but rn my heart belongs to 2d
bell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?
mm it changes?? right now its either this cover (its in japanese) or this song (english but its a tad bit scream-y)
evening primrose: what’s your sleeping playlist (give me 5 songs)?
its all soundtracks from anime lmao,,
from kimi no na wa’s soundtrack we have this, this and this
from free!’s ost we have this song that killed every mh shipper lol
and lastly, not from an anime ost, its shelter
none of these actually help me fall asleep but i like them,, hell i dont think theres any song that can help me fall asleep
forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog who isn’t following you?
miyu//keis does this ensure it doesnt show up i hope it does i recently followed them while lurking in the mi//sawa tag lol theyre a good graphic person??? idk what theyre called;;
daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?
the succulent things but i wouldnt be able to care for it bc i succ (perfect match)
calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?
im a sunny day and rainy evening person… ok maybe sunny day if im not directly under the sun because i do enjoy the sun’s warmth rainy days are nice too,, only if im indoors.. rainy evening is perfect,, as long as no bugs can get it im safe and secure and chill
foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?
blue!!!!! is sky blue a shade
lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?
a cat…..
love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember?
ok ive had dreams every night this week but now i cant re oh wait i do remember last night’s dream but only the lame part,, ok so i dreamt i had a 4* hina on bang dream..,,, i dreamt of another thing but i forgot :-( the 4* was indeed a dream though sad i havent gotten a single 4* yet lmao my luck is awesome oh but i did get a 5* and two 4*s on enstars so thats cool
daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?
cotton candy,, has flavours?????
cookies and cream!!
i like water juice
painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?
none??? i guess i paint when i have to although i rly wanna paint but im just a lazy fool
tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?
i dont use make up i am a youngin also what does the second question say i dont understand
waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?
neither lmao i have a fear of butterflies and bees… bees fear me i fear bees its mutual fear i like cats better but i like dogs too
sugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?
yes,,, i was gonna ask if it was even possible to have a favourite but then i remembered i do actually one although its more of a jellybean thing its poifull!!
sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?
mermaid bc i wanna live in the water
sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other?
ok i just finished acca so naturally i still think abt it and jean called nino his ‘partner in crime’ so nnow i want one (a partner in crime i mean not a nino but thatd b cool 2)
sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?
yes i havent been in a pool in like 3 years oh boy,, breaststroke is the easiest lmao i forgot how to do any of the others
windflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why you like them
softshouyous, well i followed her bc she talks in her tags so thats one thing,, shes also super nice?? and helpful!!! a good friend and mutual!!!! im also comfy enough with her to like,, be sarcastic and we can shame each other freely.. without worrying abt offending one another,, theres also the fact that she understands me (ok this may b what i like 2 think and falen actually doesnt get me but its COOL) idk man i just love her,,, my bud whens our one year friendsivary i gotta search that up :0
(i almsot forgot to do the rest go me anyway) next is,, youhavebeentraceyd bc shes one of my first mutuals (sorry to the one who was actually my first) who i actually talked to!!! we both watch daiya and i didnt rly follow anyone who liked daiya previously and oh!! we had the same notps LOL i love tracey’s art and hell i think she dragged me to mochi hell kudos to u tracey idk i jsut enjoy her presence on my dash and get v excited to see her art on there we may not talk as much anymore but i still appreciate her a lot!!! bless u tracey and thank you!!! (for being alive i wish u all the best in life)
alpacarara i like her bc shes basically my tumble mum,, the mum i actually talk to and ask for help/advice she gives good advice too and shes v approachable,,,,,,, a v good friend,,,,,, u r appreciated by me,,,, yes........... shizu chan also appreciates ur existence momther,,,, thakn u 4 all youve done 2 helpme a good pal.... bless u,
clearly these r getting hard bc my mind is goddamn empty rn but ill manage,, kacchan whose url is not spelt like that but thats ook bc one day it will be but now im starting to think i shouldnt leave it as that bc someones bound to stumble upon this extra post in the kacchan tag goddammit,, annYWay i like kacchan bc theyre friendly! and also v relatable,,,, theyre also kinda scary but thats ok bc its the good kind of scary idk man kacchan is just, great?? we dont talk but thats cool bc ik we’re still friends even if we dont have full blown convos!!!! id b 2 nervous 2 talk 2 them not bc theyre bad or anythign im just a ??? a bad conversationalist and also v lazy ok thats besides the point i like kacchan bc kacchan is kacchan so??? theyre a good friend and we tag each other in things and i like that friendship its a good type of friendship,,, idkdkdk?? theyre just. chill not literally chill but just chill. this doesnt make sense anymre gomenasorry
lAST ONE uh hhhh every one of my mutual’s blogs why i like all of them?? bc theyre not problematic!! they post good content trademark and r lovely even if we dont talk much!!! i love everyone period
golden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?
i am more of a Disaster in the kithcen
bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children?
u guys shld b surprised yall even exist (if i am the True Parent)
if not,, then itd b u guys r with me and my partner in crime,, who is actually a real person,,,,,, be shocked idk im just trying t o make it clear that in the event i do get married id surprise myself bc me/?? have a good and lasting relationship????? impsossible
peony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?
they shouldve told me to stick with cereal
prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?
doe s lance count
september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person?
was this supposed 2 say sunrise,,,, anyway sunrise i guess bc im a morning person (when i WILLINGLy wake up by myself) on hot ass days sunset bc then i wont b sweating 24/7
bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early?
yEAH LOL i wake up early on weekends bc i want to and i have to wake up early on weekdays so,,, i prefer not to sleep later than 12am bc i am Fear and in the event that i do sleep later than 12 its bc im talkin 2 a friend i like a lot
marigold: what’s your favorite tea?
water tea english breakfast,, havent had that in awhile tho
peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets?
i have non
hyacinth: do you name your plants?
i have nnone but i dont even nickname my pkmn so
lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends?
depends? on the tme??? if its late at night id rather b asleep and cozy if its in the day then maybe.. .. .
poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is?
i like all of my food plain and dry (cereal) unless its noodles,, i need my noodles iin soup
dandelion: any special talent that you have?
drinking water
#softshouyous#asks#this got long#tHANK U FOR ASKING i did it!!!!#its been so long#since i properly answered one of ur asks memes#feels good
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fantasyjohncena-main replied to your post “WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SU CRITICAL BLOGS IN THIS TAG LMAO FUCK OFF AND...”
lmao how bout u stop trying to silence the poc, gay + trans ppl who are effected by problems in the show and are trying to talk abt them and spread awareness :^)))) ur enjoyment of fiction is not more important than minority safety
you say that as if im not trans and gay myself so please never assume that again “”:^))))“”
i am white so i cant speak over others in that area but karen im talking about people who dedicate all their time and make a whole blog just for unnecessary criticism on things like the animation and how “”””off model”””” it is, how the characters are behaving (surprise surprise, you as the audience dont have to agree with the characters!!!!), and how they nitpick the in between frames for “”proof”” that the show is bad. what if i told you (gasp) that every other show has the same “””””problems””””” that you deem for su, but because you dont like su so much, those other shows are fine. all this is doing is giving CN a reason to cancel a very progressive and good show. what happened to these criticisms back in seasons 1 and 2? there are plenty of the same “problems” back then too!!
yes i agree, things like bismuths treatment and how jasper is shown to be an “evil butch woman brute” (though i think thats the fandoms interpretation) should be addressed and i feel strongly about bringing bismuth back, and she will be. but theres no need to be shoving su down into the ground for things that you should be bringing up to the crew instead of people who are aware of problems and know theyre problems but enjoy the show anyway. anything you consume in media will have problematic elements. one argument that bugs me is the “why does su have servants??!! (the pearls) its problematic to include that!!” argument. i just. yes, debby, its supposed to be a problem.
another thing that bugs me is when people complain about “filler”. what filler is there exactly???? every episode has been either referenced, brought back, or just something from it proved to be important for the future. the only filler su has is say uncle. people couldnt even wait 6 episodes for it to “get back to its plot” between mindful education and steven’s dream. the characters can have lives outside of fighting the main villain, and the audience needs a break from it too every once in a while.
anyways. i forgot some stuff but its not even 9 in the morning yet and im going to go hang out with friends soon. tldr; useless and unneccessary criticism blogs are sucking the joy out of su and real issues in the show shouldnt be ignored but they shouldnt be shoved down anyone’s throats about how evil su is either.
the show isnt done yet. chill out and relax.
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#uhh shez really upset and in the mood to packup this identity#throw it out the window and remake yet again#idk.......... this shouldnt be a big deal and its not even to do with this blog lmao but i just need to do something right now#i wish i had my tweezers or something but i went and lost everything on purpose bc i knew i would get like this again eventually lmao#and this folks is why i havent gotten close to anybody on this hellsite in the past year and a half#im lonely as shit its really sad ive lost all irl friends and i refuse to here like i talk to ppl occasionally but i cut it for a while#if i care too much#asjkd shez a mess#i hate to think that anybody hates me and usually i assume but when u realise they really do it still hurts#anyways idk who this girl is (me?) but shes really depressing i cant believe this girl really has zero friends#highschool was wasted and ruined and now the bitch is abt to go the rest of her life with nobody shez gonna go to school and work#and get home and cry her ass out into her bowl of honey roasted peanuts watching the office alone for the 500th time#i love posting a bunch of random pathetic thoughts in one post theres like 4 different problems here im not even sure what tags go together#lmao anyways my heart sank and i think i was talking abt how good life was this morning or yesterday#what was she on about#if u read this far ur a hero uve suffered thru so many annoying tags im so proud#using this website is really sad but its all i have can u believe that#my shitty ass blog and seeing my mutuals on my dash is all that keeps me going#its really all meaningless and thats my life non e of this matters
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fucking Yikes (i read all of Killing Stalking because im a dumbass who has bad self control and i needed to vent my disgust, sorry, also this is long)
i could tell just frm reading the descrip that Killing Stalking would be gross and Bad but I thought it would be just your basic abusive/dark/”psychological” yaoi. And since everyone was talking about it I thought I’d check it out and??
it’s not a romance. it’s not even a romance it’s just a thriller about a serial killer capturing a man who was stalking him & then imprisoning him. it is 100% abuse and it’s violent and graphic and scary. however it definitely does have a sexual aspect, and i would absolutely argue that it was intended for fujoshi audiences and to fetishize gay men & abuse. I cannot imagine how someone could think this manga was sexy, but that’s what’s most likely.....and even if the author really did just want to write a super gross psychological thriller, the fans are primarily fujoshi.
and like the fact that this has fans?? is the weirdest and grossest part??? like there’s a lot of gross yaoi out there but i usually do not hear it mentioned on this website??? I mean I’m not surprised people read it, people love violence & they love thrillers & that shit always gets viewers, but the fact that it’s fujoshi who are the fans....is the most disturbing shit.....and sad........like the fact that so many ppl are talking about this and I know that young teens on this website r gonna find it & read it & that’s!!! not cool with me!!! that’s not good and i wish people would just shut up about it
like if the characters were a man and a woman people would not be talking about it. Two girls, probably less people would be talking about it. People would still be reading it, but it would not have a popular fanbase. but because it’s two guys people are reading it & fetishizing it & fucking laughing and making jokes about the abuse that goes on in the series. It’s fucked up and it’s a big example of why fujoshi are fucking creepy as hell and need to stop.
#warning for mentions of abuse and homophobia but nothing detailed#god i feel so disgusted that ruined my whole night#i was doing so good and then i fucked myself over i read ALL 12 CHAPTERS#because i have bad self control and when i see something awful i cant look away!! ive done this to msyelf countless times and i hate it#it was really really disturbing. it was really bad. like the thriller aspect was defintely successful but u could tell#the author wanted it to be yaoi and that's fucking awful#gggg i know this is gonna give me nightmares i hate this#fuck this website#i shouldnt have even heard about this. people should b e embarrassed to say they read this it shouldnt have fans#im not even gonna put this in any of my tags cuz i dont wanna see it again lmao i just had to vent this out#anyway i absolutely agree that if ur a fan of killing stalking??? dont talk to me#like idc if ppl read it but if u start talkin abt it like it's just another yaoi go Away#also ppl compared this to YOI???? they dont even have a single genre in common the fuck#literally all they have in common is non-straight characters#fuck right off
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