#that it’s. idk. a new generation. and that a bunch of the trans people in their mid thirties and older were harassed into committing suicide

[eisthenameofme]

i wonder if there's the potential for a solution to the doxxing fucking over marginalized people specifically thing and/or the some people only being able/knowing where to engage with community online thing if we we were able to like. weaponize the relative lack of actual anonymity in the opposite direction.

like for one thing, instead of doxxing just resulting in problems from others in person, using that information to actively support the person instead, and for another for the other potentially more targeted use of the internet to find people to engage with in person (although that one you'd have to be even more careful about in case it worked in the opposite direction. I'm just thinking it would be nice to have something more structured/widespread than happening to find out your internet friends are in your local area, that could potentially be used to circumvent people not meeting in third spaces/other issues people have initially finding local community in person.)

It would be nice if instead of exclusively finding offline solutions/telling people how to be more careful we could also use what's often part of the problem to our advantage when it does happen. Like, having a way to address it that isn't only preventative.

[theteaisaddictive]

and a hearty fuck you to my mother, going on about women’s rights being erased by transgenderism in one breath while trying to claim that it doesn’t make her hateful in the next one. it breaks my fucking heart that she’s landed on this side of the culture war, and that she’s too blinded by her own stupidity to even see how hateful she’s being.

[mejomonster]

Being nonbinary and dressing feminine sometimes despite very much not being a woman is. Its like hello strangers hello new friends im making please dont immediately steamroll

[shreddeddescent]

What are Jennika, Venus, and Kirby like?

AHHHHHHHHH they're wonderful...... fucking wonderful tbh. hhhhhhhh

im debating on if i wanna let yall in on just how crazy ive gotten and show you like them explain it themselves. but its hhhhhh its a lot and theres other bits that arent so fun so i dont really want to rn cuz i wanna gush.

they were raised in some other dimension by draxum, who worked for big mama. draxum was essentially raphs doctor while you know. with eggs. but he took them away afterwards, raised to be warriors to protect the hidden city from vague demoney alternate dimensions hit, idk the details yet.

draxum wasnt the best but grew into a good parent for them so theyre okay. more okay than the brothers are for sure. but they grew curious about where they came from and did travel to that exact time when they were around 18, had some boundary issues, read big mama's therapy files on them and spiralled over how fucked up their origins were. debated going back in time to try and prevent their own existence. but draxum had to sit them down and tell them it wasnt their fault. so thats its own whole thing.

but theyre all 28 now. and theyve processed a lot more of it, but feel like 'hey, these kids arent okay at all, and they seem trapped in big mama's hotel. and we are adults with the ability to help. and also maybe some small part of us knows this is our family, we're clones, we're siblings. lets try to just be that.'

kirby is a hulking behemoth of a turtle man, like 7 and a half feet tall very wide very strong very good at being a warrior. never gave anything else much thought. he's kind of like.... what shredder fucking wanted out of that whole situation. perfect son, perfect general. but hes also a little shy with his feelings. he's kind of the leader, the one with the plan, the one who gets frustrated when his sisters get distracted and do other shit instead. he looks a lot like raph. but hes a male so raph cant see that at all. he's pretty quiet but hes very funny when he tries to be.

venus was taught magic when it became clear fighting wasnt a thing she was gonna physically be able to do. physically she's weak, her body looks a bit deformed. the magic came with a kind of accessibility for her, so she floats to ease the pain. she's very introspective and assumes people know just as much as her, tends to ramble on about things without realizing everyones lost. shes a lot like donnie like that, and realizing thats where she gets it makes her go 'ugh... of course this is your fault' but shes very sweet. little bit of boundary issues, cuz she may or may not be able do mind magic, but she knows to ask permission.

jennika is goofy and kind, a bit scatter brained, but very protective. shes the most easy going, but she's also the most emotional one. has the most confused feelings over raph specifically, probably just as excited to meet a trans turtle as he was. let alone cuz theyre family. but yeah, she's very fun loving and absolutely the problem child of the bunch, the one most likely to not follow orders and get into trouble. absolute coolest big sister alive vibes for sure.

again, theyre very much like 'oh, these kids are our family in whatever they need us to be, and we're gonna fucking be here for whatever they need'. like theyre so nice. and things are so weird. but theyre here to be like. the first grown ups to be kind to these kids without expecting anything out of them. cuz thats a new fucking concept!

but really. theyre big siblings, thats how we're gonna try and explain the vibes of what they are to them.

[cepheusgalaxy]

PLEASE no bear or man discourse on my dash. This conversation doesn't really seem to be helping anyone.

On one side, we have a lot of (probably cis, idk, im assuming) woman who said they'd chose the bear.

And on the other side, a bunch of angry people.

Not to be like 'oh wah both sides are correct im neutral on this wadda wadda' but like. Men are people (i mean theres otherkin men too) and people are reasonable and bears are not reasonable and etc so logically it's way safer to chose the man wadda wadda but then I'd also like to point out how even if the other option is not very good logically speaking, a lot of people raised to be girls (like me, myself) grew up with this constant induced fear of Men. Dont go out alone, a Big Scary Man is gonna hurt you, don't be alone with a Man or else hes gonna hurt you, *scary statistics of violence towards women commited by Men shoved down your gut*, dont be alone with your Uncle because he might be Family but he is a Man and Men are not trustworthy and all etc. so you are in Danger. Just like. It wildly depends on the person you're talking about, but when we get there and generalize to the people being raised to be girls its very very Scary.

But I'd also like to point out how those views we learn as children are incredibly generalized and the group of people more likely to harm you are not "men", strictly speaking, but Privilegied People With Mote Power Than You, Incentived To Do Whatever They Want. One would think that emcompasses All Men, but then we completely ignore black men, men of color, poor men, disabled men, men with mental disorders (not the asshole in the News who got called a """""psychopath""""" again but the guy next door who is being dehumanized and ignored and demonized), trans men, queer men, etc etc. And so its our job, even if thats annoying or doesnt seem fair, to try and unlearn this bias we have and see things with clearer eyes, and be able to answer that this question is incredibly vague and it highly depends on the man or even the bear; oh maybe its a baby bear, oh maybe its my uncle Joe, oh maybe its Donald J Trump with a gun and im a minority, oh maybe—there are so many situations.

There are at least two sides on this debate, and I totally get where both are coming from. Distrust had been shoved down our (people raised to be girls) throats since childhood, and that view also conveniently serves to opress further men who are already being opressed (either you like it or not, interseccionality exists). The best thing to do would be to try and unlearn all that, and challenge the power structures that allow Some Privilegied People (because lets be honest these groups include a lot of people of all genders, because you can be both a privilegied + opressed person combo—because of interseccionality!—like a cis white gay person shoving a two-spirit/trans poc person under the bus, or a neurotypical black person shoving cluster a black people under the bus) to opress other groups.

*Not* asking random woman on the street if they prefer to be alone in a forest with a man or a bear, and then accusing them for repeating the views they've been raised with, which they did not took the legwork to unlearn.

[Image description: The "lets take ibuprofen together" meme, edited to say "lets unlearn harmful views together". /end ID.]

It's just—UGH

Sorry for the ramble. I'm gonna finish my homework now.

[trashcandroid]

It’s October 13th again which means it’s now my 4-year anniversary on T 🥳

Ponderous reflections under the cut, slight TMI warning for discussions bottom surgery

The biggest news in terms of trans stuff is that I got top surgery this past May and have tentative plans to get bottom surgery early next year! I already had my first consult a few weeks ago but still need another follow-up and some letters, but it seems like everything’s gonna work out fine?

I’ve decided on getting full metoidioplasty with the works. Apparently hysto, v-nectomy, urethral lengthening, etc. are all pretty uncomfortable to recover from on their own and even worse all together lol but I would rather have a shitty first month or two in recovery rather than have multiple surgeries spread over more time.

Which reminds me, I never really talked about how my top surgery recovery went/has been going. It was actually really fine, I didn’t even need painkillers? Basically once the drains were removed after a week and I could stop wearing the compression vest after a month, I haven’t thought about it much at all. I’m wearing silicon scar tape but that’s pretty much it. Actually because I felt no pain I returned to physical activities sooner than I should have—I was carrying my backpack which was definitely over the 10 lb limit and even went swimming and stuff pretty soon, and my scars are pretty stretched now lol. But I don’t particularly care about that.

Other stuff… I’ve been stealth at grad school for this past year and while it’s been cool, I’ve been considering telling some people so I can be a resource or something idk. Especially with the bottom surgery stuff since I’m getting it through the university and it’s been hard finding any information about it outside of my own meetings with the surgeons.

I’ve also been thinking about being more open about it in general, so grad/undergrad students can see me as a resource, or just to increase visibility of trans people in STEM or whatever… but that would require people actually knowing this stuff… I didn’t even tell my advisor when I had top surgery that I was getting surgery, I just said I’d be taking a week off for “family stuff.”

I’m sure most people would be cool with it but I’m also for some reason terrified of responses like “oh that explains so much” or “I thought you might be.” And of course the inevitable subconscious change in how some people will view me. I’ve heard so many stories of how people coming out of stealth start getting misgendered and I could definitely see that happening to me as well…

Stuff with family is going ok. I still don’t think my dad has ever correctly gendered me once. He will awkwardly stumble through sentences to avoid using pronouns for me, or if he gets really stuck he’ll use they/them (which I don’t use). Mostly he and some other people will just use my name a whole bunch, which I guess I should have seen coming since my name is only one syllable. Maybe I should’ve changed it to Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla huh. (I may have already used this joke so mb if I have lol)

My mom has also explicitly asked me to be more of a trans resource to my brother, who has been presenting a lot more femininely lately. But I have no idea how to bring it up and idk if I should write much about that here anyway.

I think this post is long enough lol so I will stop rambling but yeah if people have any thoughts on this stuff I’m open for discussion ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[lanaxoxoxoxoxox]

heeeyyy :] lemme get a matchup!

i'm about 5'3 1/2, i'm a trans guy, and i have short black hair right now, doesn't go past my shoulders or chin. i'm a bit on the chubbier side, but not much i don't think?

if i get a good vibe from you, im gonna spark up a conversation with you and run my mouth off. i never stop talking about the 2000's and music! my special interests are the 2000's + music in general. i collect nostalgic things, like old toys! i'm a big ol wuss when it comes to confrontation, and it scares me. i got a bit of social anxiety as well when it comes to people that look/feel intimidating. my favorite color is blue, and i love to dye my hair a bunch of fun colors!

i hope this gives you enough info! if you need more, feel free to ask me:))

oh my gosh ur so cool

i would match you up with ranboo!!

i feel like your height difference would them would be SO SO FUNNY since ran is a fucking giant

you guys could have like conversations abt the most random things

like for hours even maybe

like if you guys ever stream together you could probably get distracted for like 20 minutes talking about something very off topic and then snap back into reality and chats like "wtf" in a GOOD WAY THO cause they find it cute

you guys would also especially talk about music

ranboo has an amazing music taste (judged off by his spotify, go check it out!!) and i bet you do too

just talking about ranboo new music that came out or songs that are just sticking out to yall

making playlists with eachother INSPIRED BY EACHOTHER

AHHH SO CUTE THE BRAINROT *screams*

taking pictures of eachother randomly

"why'd you take a picture of me...?"

"for a spotify playlist!! :D"

ALSO IDK IF YOU KNOW BUT RANS FAVE COLOR IS ALSO BLUE

i believe its like royal blue or something

im pretty sure he said something like "the shade of blue that pops up when you search 'blue'" or along the lines of that

YOU GUYS RANDOMLY GETTING BLUE THINGS FOR EACHOTHER

also ran helping you dye your hair or helping you pick out what you should dye it next!!

i loved writing this omg 😭

[hyperfixationsgoweeeee]

(I should rq say, this is not a new dude, I made him a while back and then deleted a bunch of things about him, so yeahhh, my mistake-)

EDIT: Got a better name for him from another human, it literally was just changing Traveler to Travelor...how did I not think of that, it's genius and so simple I-

Aight so Traveler, I'm gonna explain his character and some facts about him (Under the read more cause it be looooong)

He is basically just a version of Magolor that was allowed the ability to jump through Alternate Universes? Alternate Dimensions? Idk. And kinda is supposed to do a job but actively chooses not to. That is until he got a different job lmao

Which happens to be making sure that the world's don't get f'ed up, cause yeah, I'm gonna make someone who is gonna be a nuisance (and what do you know it's gonna be an Ink!Sans Error!Sans situation in a sense, although more so Dream and Nightmare Sans dynamic, Ink Sans and Error Sans ways of existence ig, if you don't know anything about Undertale aus and such you won't have a clue about this so uh- yeah)

But anyways, he is basically forced into doing stuff cause he does actually like looking at the different worlds, he just hates people in general.

Now for facts

- He has a pocket dimension that allows him keep some belongings at a snap of a finger in a way

- He knows how to make himself fit a bit better into different worlds, it's mainly used in gijinka worlds, but it can be used in other cases (such as to make sure he isn't mistaken for that world's Magolor)

- He drinks so much coffee to the point where it's his blood, it keeps him sane

- He's a Trans AroAce Man

- Persona Characters (or just people who are outside the world) have every right to punt him outside the stratosphere lol

- He hides his sadness and loneliness behind a "I hate everything" attitude

- He is aware of the 4th wall, but doesn't break it unless it is fine to do so (When doing so he will break the screen)

More facts will exist when I think of them :]

[variousqueerthings]

Colonel Potter has the most trans man vibes though

1. constantly tells stories about his past that you’re never quite sure which of is true and which isn’t 

2. including stories about joining up at fifteen. The late great Dr Barry would constantly change the age of his birth, at one point making it seem like he’d started studying medicine at, I believe, the age of ten!

3. of course this would also have the added benefit of him at the time explaining why he presumably looked so youthful and didn’t shave (Potter is always perfectly shaven too I think, which is good army etiquette and a good way of passing)

4. short king!

5. has the vibes of someone who’s really living his masculinity -- where, say, Radar (whom one also reads as a trans guy on occasion/there’s at least one excellent fic about it) is somewhat insecure in his masculinity, especially in things like height and has a lot of jokes pointed at him targeting those insecurities, nobody in their right mind would ever challenge Potter on things like height, or being quite emotionally open, etc. Call this older trans guy is way past giving a shit and younger trans guy is worried about getting clocked

6. idk, something about his relationship with Mildred feels so right: stories about trans people who were never clocked by their partners or who started out with partners who fully knew and supported them or were t4t the whole time..... all of these could be great! (either they adopted their kid, which there are personal stories of trans people doing in the past when such things were less recorded, or in the last one Potter could also have given birth...)

7. but mainly just this idea of a story in which someone has genuinely loved someone for so many years, but who’s put his life into this space (the army) in which many a trans man has been able to create his masculinity/new identity, and so he’s struggling with the idea of letting that go, what does that mean to him as a man who became a man in this space? what kind of man will he be outside of that space?

8. something as well about the romantic attitude of the cavalry, and choosing to become a doctor -- I mean here I think about the old fashioned masculinity of the former, and Dr Barry again in the latter. becoming a man through one of the limited routes afforded in which you may have been able to pass (at the time when he joined the army/cavalry) and then choosing to be a man who heals. it’s just... neat

9. also not to compare him again to Dr Barry (but also yes) but Barry was famously anti-authoritarian and honest in his viewpoints to the point that when he was young he got into a great deal of trouble, because it was considered from the perspective of him making trouble for trouble’s sake (this feels tbh very Hawkeye) but when he got older people often described him as a curmudgeon who cared too much about things and would go on and on about them, and would be able to dismiss him far easier, which is kind of a saddening thing to know, but with Potter that very gruff honesty pays off and is respected and something other men wish to emulate, and I just like that

10. all of this also ties into his working class upbringing and rising through the ranks as an enlisted man, rather than coming from a place of privilege from the get go. the idea of earning masculinity, again (again again again) invoking Barry’s attitudes around how much he had earned his position 

11. generally this just feels like the happier James Barry story, in which Potter is supported in older age and can retire without being penniless and suddenly with barely any friends left (his old friends, yes, but Potter gains a bunch of new ones at the 4077) and on his own terms

[queenofzan]

Period Dysphoria

The worst thing about estrogen puberty for me was by far menstruation. I struggled with the practical aspects of dealing with periods, it wrecked me emotionally most months even though I didn’t actually have significant mood swings or PMS just because I hated it, it made me hate my body, and it felt icky.

So here are some Tips for dealing with or lessening menstrual dysphoria!

Have you tried a different period product?

I know this might sound silly--I hate this thing my body is doing, why would changing how I keep it from being an awful mess affect how I feel about it?--but it turned out a lot of my dysphoria was triggered by some of the specific sensations of it. I resisted tampons for a long time because of anxiety about TSS, but the first time I used a tampon (bc I started unexpectedly, asked all the girls around me for pads, and no one had any, but someone did have tampons, and it seemed like a better option than. stuffing a wad of toilet paper in my underwear and calling it a day) I was astonished to find that my dysphoria was much better.

There were things I didn’t like about tampons, but overall my periods were much less awful when I started using them. It also let me pinpoint what the sensations that triggered my dysphoria were, and determine that I would almost certainly get even better results using a cup. So I bought a cup and voila! All my period dysphoria and a bunch of the practical problems I had were effectively eliminated.

Cups have their own drawbacks, and definitely might make your dysphoria worse if it’s more general than mine is, but my point is actually consider giving other period products a try. If it doesn’t help, at least you know now. And it might be useful in helping you figure out what would help.

I stuck with pads for a long time because I figured nothing would help and pads seemed ~safest~

Birth control that stops periods

This was pretty new when I was a teenager, and people (including my mom) were kind of scared and fear-mongery about it...even though people had been using traditional birth control pills to lessen or skip their periods for decades.

It is not unhealthy to skip your periods! 

I mean, if your body is doing it and you’re not on birth control or HRT, it might be a sign something weird is going on. But doing it on purpose is fine!

Even if you’re not out or don’t want to talk to your parents or doctor about being trans, you might be able to get this! People are often sympathetic to the idea of periods being inconvenient. Talk about the practical difficulties--complain about bleeding through your clothes or sheets and having to do extra laundry, complain about cramps, complain about irregularity and needing a more reliable cycle!

Besides pills, there’s also the implant, which is available in the USA and Canada (and may be available in other countries, idk). In the USA it’s called Nexplanon, and it’s what I used before I got on testosterone.

Most birth control methods that stop periods don’t do it 100% reliably, but I had much shorter and easier periods even when they showed up.

The implant also has the advantage of not having the same kind of side effects as birth control pills, which might feel “feminizing” and make dysphoria worse.

Sleep on a towel

This might also be silly, and might have more to do with anxiety than dysphoria, but one reason I felt like shit during my periods in high school was how much I worried about leaking in the night and getting blood all over my bed, so I got terrible sleep, which makes everything worse.

Get yourself a ratty old towel (or a black one!) and sleep on it!

Personally I found any discomfort from the towel being less comfy than my sheets was FAR outweighed by the peace of mind that I was not going to get blood on everything.

If the towel is super uncomfortable, maybe you could try a dark-colored sheet, or even a waterproof liner/sheet!

Seriously I cannot begin to explain how much this simple thing that felt like cheating or some kind of life hack made my periods so much easier to deal with!

Talk to other people who menstruate about their experiences

I know this one can feel weird and uncomfortable, but it really helped me.

You probably know this, but most people with vaginas do not know a whole lot about them. We are given very minimal and warped information about what looks, feels, and acts normal. Stacking dysphoria on top of the extremely understandable shame a misogynist society tries to instill in people can make things extra difficult for us!

Talking to cis women who did not feel suicidal during their periods helped me realize maybe my period dysphoria was in fact serious!

Talking to other trans people about their experiences made me feel way less weird and alone!

You are not the only dude who has a period, or non-binary person who has a period! Slightly over half the human population menstruates for a significant chunk of their lives; that includes and has always included trans people.

If it isn’t too alienating/upsetting for you, reading feminist literature like Our Bodies, Ourselves and Cunt can be a great source of actual information from other people with vaginas about what is/isn’t normal for vaginas.

Generally speaking, if it’s not uncomfortable or distressing...it’s normal.

That still doesn’t mean you have to like it! You can have a perfectly healthy and typical body and still be unhappy with it because it’s not what you want!

I spent a long time suffering during every period. Now I’m on testosterone and don’t have periods at all, which rules, but I did manage to effectively eliminate period dysphoria before I even started T. It might not be as effective or possible for you, but it’s also important to remember:

Just because you can’t completely eliminate the problem doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have as easy of a time as it’s possible for you to have! Even if you can’t completely eliminate your period dysphoria, having less dysphoria or less anxiety about your period is worth it! Feeling less bad about yourself is worth it!

It’s not a zero-sum game where your options are Dysphoria Hell and Absolutely Dysphoria Free! Having a slightly better bad time is, well, better than having a terrible time. Just because none of these things are likely to Fix Everything doesn’t mean it’s not worth giving it a shot.

(And I mean, maybe you’ll get lucky like me, and it turns out something you thought was all-encompassing is actually a very specific trigger you can avoid. You don’t know if you don’t try!)

[sophia-sol]

Self-Made Boys: A Great Gatsby Remix, by Anna-Marie McLemore

Look, there's another queer Great Gatsby novel, obviously I had to give it a try! This one's premise is: what if Nick and Gatsby were trans men and also explicitly textually into each other, plus Nick and Daisy are Latinx. And like, yeah, sure, I'm in!

Unfortunately, though I think the book is successful at what it's doing, it turned out to not work for me personally on several different levels. It's a good, readable, thoughtful, queer book with coherent themes and sympathetic yet imperfect characters doing their best, which should be my jam. And just about every criticism I'm able to come up with, there are reasonable reasons the choices were made, and I can understand and sometimes even appreciate those choices! And yet as a whole I was left dissatisfied.

Okay, so, like the original, Self-Made Boys is told from the first person pov of Nick, but this version is much more interested in Nick's interiority and Nick's life. We get to hear about his family, his job, his worries, his attraction to Gatsby, his feelings about his identity, his relationship with his cousin Daisy, and so on. He's also more willing and interested in sharing what he understands of the feelings and motivations of the people around him.

Overall the effect of this is to show the reader a bunch of people (Nick, Gatsby, Daisy, Jordan) who are much nicer and more sympathetic and more earnest than their analogues in the original, which....I have mixed feelings about. Yes it's more pleasant to read about people like this, but they all feel like fundamentally different people than the characters in Gatsby. Which, idk, maybe is fine and the point? I think I'm affected here by my understanding from fandom of the ~correct~ approach to fanfic, which is that even when writing an AU the goal is to write the characters to be recognizably the same characters, with the only alterations being due to the choices of the specific points of departure, and all other changes must emanate logically from those points. But when I think about it, it IS perfectly reasonable to say "I want to write a story with the same general shape as the original canon, but with different people in the roles of the characters, and see how the story plays out differently with these other characters. I will give my original characters the same names as the roles they're taking, for simplicity in following the story." I'm just not used to this approach and it feels weird to me!!!!

Anyway. One of the choices made in this remix was to cast much younger characters in each of the main roles. All of Gatsby & Nick & Daisy & Jordan are still in their teens. This really threw me at first. I was all, "teen gatsby why????"  But by the end I did get it. It actually fits in well with a theme in Gatsby of all these people acting in the roles they feel they need to, instead of being their authentic selves, whatever their authentic self may happen to be. These teens are playacting at being adults as well, another layer of distance between semblance and reality, and Daisy's efforts to be white-passing add yet another layer to the dance. Even so, though, Gatsby the 19 year old war veteran and wildly successful businessman is a bit much.

One of the things that threw me in the reading of the book is...well, something I have no good solution for. The author says in their note at the end that they very deliberately chose to avoid using any racial slurs in the book that might have been used in the era, which I am definitely on board with; and the terms Latina/e/o/x are all too new to use (Latino/a dates from the 40's). But the chosen replacement term still feels far too jarringly modern to my ears. Nick refers to himself regularly as "brown" as his main form of racial identity throughout, which from my understanding is a relatively modern way of using the term, so every time I read it, it distanced me a little from the notion that this is a book that takes place in the 1920's. But I might not have all the information here, so if you have further details on the use of "brown" as a racial identifier historically, please do let me know!

But what jarred me even more is that Nick kept referring to himself and Gatsby as "boys" throughout the whole book. This also felt weirdly modern! Idk I haven't done, like, specific research into social perceptions of adulthood over the last century or so but I have a real sense that there being a definite transition between childhood and adulthood is something that's been lost in western culture over that time. Nick is living an adult life! Pretty sure he would -- or at least would WANT TO -- think of himself as a man! And him looking at Gatsby, even more so, as Gatsby is older than him and has all the trappings of success and independence to boot.

These identity words were the thing that stood out to me most as not fitting into the time period the book is set in, but honestly, the book as a whole did not feel to me like it did a good job of really embedding itself in its context. It felt to me like the time and the place were set-dressing for the story Self-Made Boys was telling, instead of being intrinsic to the point like it was in Gatsby. And again....that's a choice that's reasonable for a narrative to make? But it makes me, at least, like the book less, both as a stand-alone novel and as a remix of Gatsby.

Another complaint from me about this book is that I am too ace and thus Daisy being in love with Jordan felt like it came completely out of nowhere, to me! After the reveal, the narrative mentions several of the clues from earlier that Nick feels stupid for having not picked up on, and then I got to feel silly too :P. Like, Daisy has a whole speech to Nick early in the book about how she's just not into men like that, and what I had taken from the speech was that she's ace, not that she's lesbian! Anyway that made the reveal of the Daisy/Jordan relationship feel like a Surprise Twist Ending shoved in instead of being actually integrated into the story, because the clues were not at all visible to me as clues, and so I was just irritated by the reveal instead of being pleased about it!

My final complaint is that the prose felt occasionally a little too try-hard for me, and in places its efforts to be beautiful or dreamy or evocative or descriptive just felt flat to me. But I know taste in prose is wildly subjective.

So like. As I said. My issues with this book are me problems, and I can imagine a different reader experiencing this as a five-star book, where for me it's solidly 3 stars and not a bit more.

So I'm nil out of 2 so far on queer Gatsby retellings that work for me. But if/when I hear about another one, though, I will return, ever-hopeful that maybe the next one will be the one that works for me!

[mychemicalroadworkahead]

Hi I’m gonna be an insufferable prick and explain a bunch of my comic series because uhm. I really like it.

General content warnings: self harm, suicide, drugs, eating disorder, addiction, death, sexual assault, murder, and probably other stuff but those are the specific things I want you to know of.

First off, characters!

Toby: he’s 20, has adhd, homeless, and like. 5’7”? He’s got roughly shoulder length hair and was dating Jesse first and yeah (I’ll get into the polycule stuff later). He does not like going to bars with Jesse because people always treat Jesse like a little kid (and Jesse always pays for him, he feels bad about both things) but he agreed to go to stonewall inn because he’d been hired at a new job that day and Mikey and Jesse wanted to take him out to celebrate. He killed Mikey on accident because he got scared when the fights started breaking out and had a piece of broken glass in his hand as a precaution and Mikey tried to drag him to a back alley so they’d be safe and Toby got scared and shanked him without realizing that it was him. He realized and immediately ran away. (No he didn’t call 911 because fun fact: EMS wasn’t created in the US until 1973 and stonewall happened in 69.)

Jesse: he’s the mc in the comic, he’s 19, has anorexia (if you saw the original drawings yeah I changed it), and had fungal meningitis as a child that resulted in the loss of his right leg, and because any prosthetics that were available at the time were incredibly expensive and he has the balance of a drunken newborn, he’s wheelchair bound (he does always fold his left pant leg because he thinks it’s funny and also it keeps it out of the way). He started dating Mikey first out of him and Toby. He made it to the back alley where Mikey tried to take Toby and ran into Mikey’s body. He was, understandably horrified. While he was still in shock he made his way home (which took roughly an hour and a half) and realized he needed someone to be with him so he went to his friend James’s house and they. Okay so they end up fucking. And it is a pattern that continues. It’s important to the comic plot I promise. But it’s a whole thing and then James eventually goes okay dude this is really bad for you like I think you should actually talk it out yknow and then Jesse just sorta goes oh yeah you’re right and promptly goes home and develops a self harm addiction and he was. Sorta using random bits of metal he found on the ground outside and a guy sees him picking one up and assumes he’s gonna use it to do cocaine and is like yo if you wanna do drugs with other people I’m about to shoot up some heroin if you want some and he just goes yeah sure and yeah anyway he gets aids. And then he finds out and he kills himself via overdose.

Mikey: he’s trans and 18 and he had leukemia and he wanted to be a doctor and yeah I love him he’s my favorite if he lived long enough he would’ve been an EMT but he didn’t because Toby killed him and he doesn’t know it was an accident so he assumed it was a hate crime and he’s understandably pissed about it because he sees it as like fucking hell I was already gonna die young from leukemia but then my fucking boyfriend fucking shanked me and cut me off sooner than I should’ve been. He also narrates the entire comic so any boxes of text are just him talking. He’s like 5’9” and he doesn’t like sex jokes because they embarrass the shit out of him. He’s only actually seen in the last issue of the comic where he’s in the afterlife which is just the back rooms with Jesse and the fight each other and then just end up collapsing in a corner and Mikey starts sobbing because fuck Jesse killed himself and he feels bad that he felt like that and just starts compulsively apologizing and saying he loves him and idk I think that would be the end of the comic. He’s also got a little heterochromia spice because why not

Benji: he’s 23, Italian American, like 5’5”, has hyperosmia, and is a heroin addict (he’s the one that offered to share with Jesse). He’s also married* to Jane and he loves them very much. He started off with smoking cigarettes and it escalated in the order of weed, cocaine, heroin. He started smoking and drinking as a teenager to try to keep his ptsd at bay (he was sexually assaulted by a friend walking home one night), and it’s a combination of the distraction and high that got him addicted (once he started doing coke he stopped drinking because they were both expensive and he didn’t want to spend that much). He has a decent amount of trust issues for obvious reasons, but he would, and on many occasions has, trusted Jane with his life. He was at stonewall celebrating his and Jane’s second wedding anniversary.

Jane: they’re 25, Native American, queer, an alcoholic, and will fuck you up if you hurt someone they’re close to. They’re also 6’1” and have 4 foot long hair. They’re a cashier at the corner store and they know a lot of people because of it. They have a soft spot in their heart for rats because there were so many where they grew up and they kept them as pets. No one knows what sex they were assigned at birth but everyone they’re friends with accepts that this is unimportant. They’re alcoholism didn’t really have a reason to happen, they were just drinking frequently and one day realized it had been almost three months since they were last sober. It took them a while but at the time of the comic they’re two months sober. They are the one that found Jesse’s body.

Lauren: she’s 22, demiromantic, lesbian, Latina, has adhd and auditory processing disorder, and is a smoker. She works at the library with Jesse and they’re besties. Her favorite genre of book is horror because her dad got her into it. Her mother died in childbirth but her father made sure she had everything she needed and as much as he could provide. She’s incredibly close with her father and she makes dinner for them at his house once a week. She dated Cali for a bit before the comic but they broke up roughly two years prior to the start. She is in fact named after her mother because why not. She was not at stonewall initially but she joined in the riots the second day.

Caliope (Cali): she’s 23, asexual, transgender, is dating Alex, and has bipolar disorder. She’s a bartender at the Stonewall Inn and she stayed through all the rioting. She’s decently polite but if you don’t respect her don’t expect her to give you the time of day. She loves her job and her favorite drink to make is an old fashioned but she hates the taste of liquor. She has been known to mix wine and soda occasionally, but mostly drinks the orange juice when she’s working. She’s absolutely the subject of the song Lola by the kinks.

Alexander (Alex): he’s 21, bisexual, transgender and has ocd. He’s in a t4t relationship with Cali. He works at a gas station and actually adores pumping gas for people because he likes the smell. One of his main compulsions is clenching his hands which he developed because of his job. He has motor tics as a comorbidity with his ocd and his neck is in constant pain because of it. The tics piss him off just as much as his compulsions do. He was bringing Cali dinner and got caught up in the riots on the 28. He ended up with a broken arm.

George: 64, autistic, Italian and Irish, has bipolar disorder and chronic pain disorder, owns and runs the corner store. He’s also Adam’s uncle and was his primary caregiver for about 13 years because his wife’s family died in a house fire on Christmas Eve. He was home sick that year so he couldn’t go. He’s a cheery old chap despite the loss, and tried his best to raise Adam right and well. He struggled with alcoholism for a bit before his wife died, but the circumstances of her death made him get his shit together. He feels terrible for the things he did before he got it together and he wishes the people he hurt could understand how sorry he is.

Adam: he’s 47, Hispanic and Italian, gay, has ocd, and helps run the corner store. His mother was George’s sister in law, more specifically his wife’s sister. He has vague memories of his family, but he was 6 when the fire happened. He figured out a cocktail of over the counter drugs that helped to reduce symptoms of his ocd, but the compulsions still come out occasionally, though they’re mostly in the form of obsessing over intrusive thoughts. He’s constantly very worried about hurting people, and the intrusive thoughts do not help at all. He had a pretty good childhood all things considered, but he was mostly isolated by other kids. His favorite part of working at the corner store is restocking because he enjoys the mind numbing quality of the repetitive movements.

James: he’s 20, autistic, aromatic, African American, and Jesse’s best friend ^. He’s decidedly an artist, in a sense that he spends every available waking moment writing, drawing, or baking. He loves poetry and realistic fiction novels, as well as street art and photography. He once spent an entire day working on an amazing drawing just to be horrendously disappointed when he woke up to discover that not only was it a dream, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember what he was drawing. He’s a local handyman and enjoys fixing things. He’s a very loving person and he’s been friends with Jesse since they were kids, as they lived next door to each other and were both bullied in school.

And now for the polycule because I feel like it needs it’s own explanation:)

Polycule in general: okay alright so Toby and Jesse started dating in high school then they graduated a bit after and then a couple months later Mikey graduated and he met Jesse at a library and Jesse worked there so they would see each other a lot. So Jesse asks Toby hey would you be cool if I started going out with this guy in addition to going out with you and y’all would be metamors and Toby is like yeah babe that’s chill and so Jesse asks Mikey out and he says yes and they did all the polyamory rigmarole and then dating stuff and then one day Mikey’s like hey I’d really like to meet your boyfriend and Jesse’s like oh alright so they all meet up and Mikey and Toby get along great and they keep hanging out and eventually Mikey and Toby start dating as well so then they’re all three dating and they do cute little three part dates where they draw names for who gets to pick the food who gets to pick a movie and who gets to pick a board game and they love each other so much.

General setting of the comic: Hoboken, NJ, and New York City in late June of 1969, specifically starting on June 28 at around 3:15 am.

*not legally for obvious reasons, but they absolutely consider themselves to be spouses.

^yes yes I did name them after Jesse James

[bibookmerm]

content notes: long post, personal life, strained family relationships, bad choices?? (neglecting self care, seeing people that are bad for me), thanksgiving, but positive stuff at the end.

Life update!

I've been ill all month, still not recovered because I am working despite my illness. (first of the "bad choices"). So, that's fun. I tried to chill and drink tea today. I've had a week off because my workplaces are closed on thanksgiving day, I get 1 designated weekend off which was last weekend, second job slashed hours, and it just lined up that way. At least for this little break, I've done pretty good with the house cleaning goals I set, but not overdoing it. That's something!

THE HEAVY STUFF:

I am trying to emotionally prepare myself for thanksgiving day. Going to visit the extended family. Every time I see my family, I feel stressed, sad, and hurt. I'm really on edge the whole time, then I come home exhausted and I fall apart. Or go numb. So seeing them is the second of the "bad choices." But this year, my wife and I are driving ourselves, so we can leave when we want to. Yay agency!

I'd really like to find a way forward navigating family pressures and obligations and all of my feelings on it with a professional. I liked my past therapist a lot, but I thought her advice about family was...incomplete, and didn't quite fit my situation. I'm hoping to feel comfortable plainly saying when I'd like to look at other options or from a new angle, with my next therapist. But for now, I am going to "celebrate" the holiday I loathe with the people who do not understand me, again. I'm going to try to be kind to myself throughout the day and afterward, even though going at all is not very kind to myself. My friend said his house is open for people to hang out on thursday, so I think going there instead of straight home will cheer me up.

Idk, I posted about my cousin's wedding back in July, and being the only queer there without my wife and no one to even acknowledge how hard it was on me, how disconnected I felt, was part of what made it suck so bad. I am going to reach out to folks this time instead of keeping it in.

So yeah, this time of year is rough. I generally feel I have to trudge through a bunch of stuff I hate when all I want to do is curl up and hibernate until February. I am at least Making Good Choices in small ways. Hydrating, eating, folding the laundry, going for walks, reaching out to friends. Listening to sad music but not ONLY listening to sad music and shutting the world out. It's a process! I think I am staying more, um, recovery minded than backsliding? Overall. Mental health wise. I'm really trying!

Also, this is very obvious but when transphobia gets you down, listening to music by trans artists helps 1000%. It's so healing. I'm gonna have my playlist at the ready.

THE BRIGHT SIDE:

I have some creative project ideas cooking. Still working on that one story I mentioned a while back! The multiverse one. I'm learning more about the inciting incident in the story and I like how it's developing.

I also made some preliminary sketches tonight for a zine I want to make. Just a cute little fan zine. I have a lot of zine making pals but this will be my first one!

Also! Today I just heard back about the date for session 0 for a TTRPG with cool new friends. I can't wait to try roleplaying again. I'm gonna look into the mechanics of the system before then so I don't feel lost and I can focus on having fun.

Also, after all the thanksgiving day nonsense...on Saturday, I get to see my amazing friend who is visiting from the other side of the country. They're having a party which I'm sure will be amazing. And next tuesday my friends and I are going to the movies. So. thursday is one crummy day, I will survive it, and there is the warmth of friendship on the other side. I got this. Have a great evening, y'all.

[sqbr]

As a mid 40s queer, I do think younger queer people should listen to us as a group with a unique and valuable perspective, but I don't think that's enough. And I'm wondering where young (or any other!) people should get reliable fact-checked information with politics they find broadly acceptable, topics they find interesting, in an accessible format.

Like, I have no reason to believe hbomberguy or the queer creators he recced have ever spread significant(*) misinformation, but like James Somerton they are still at best just random people on youtube I trust to be accurate cos they have good vibes and I haven't heard anything bad about them, and as we've seen that is not a reliable standard.

I wouldn't even trust me as a primary source on anything I didn't personally experience, not because I would ever deliberately lie, but because I have been accidentally wrong or ignorant a bunch of times in the past and presumably will be again. I can talk with some authority on, like, being a confused closeted queer teen in 90s Australia, but there's so many topics James Somerton spouted misinformation on I might have easily believed and even passed on as fact if I hadn't encountered them in a "things James Somerton lied about" context. I guess I was born closer to WWII and the 19th century than gen Z but idk that it makes that much of a difference, and I feel no more qualified than anyone else to talk about, like... Marvel comics editorial decisions or Japanese broadcast law.

And while I do read Conventional News Sources and think that helps with some sorts of misinformation, it can be very dry and Current Affairs focused, and stuff like gay and especially trans history and analysis is really not an area where they shine. Literally every major news source I've ever subscribed to eventually ended up posting TERFy opinion pieces or articles, even though they were all chosen specifically for being relatively free of conservative misinformation.

For less dry but still somewhat professional alternatives it's like... I tried watching Question Everything, the local government funded ABC's "comedians humourously discuss current affairs to help combat misinformation" program, and I guess there weren't any obvious untruths but it was largely meaningless jokes and shallow analysis along the lines of "yes literally all women who like soccer are lesbians" that didn't leave me feeling like I'd gained anything. If I recommended Autostraddle for their editorial quality I think I might implode. Polygon's analysis seems mostly ok if slight and generally focussed on whether games are fun, but it's very plausible they have some real stinkers I happen to have missed, and idk if being a subsidiary of Vox Media makes them more reliable.

So... idk, what do you do? Asides from try and consume widely and think critically, and avoid anyone who doesn't cite sources and makes vicious yet vague attacks against their critics?

(*)Just scrolling through that list, I know sarahz has been wrong about things in the past. Not remotely on James Somerton's level, and it was mostly like... How Homestuck Fandom Felt About Fan Trolls etc, but it's still a sign that you really can't trust any youtube source completely even if it's endorsed by a Good Youtubers list.

ok i finally understand where gen z gays on tumblr are getting insane ideas like "marriage equality was a waste of time and only of interest to rich white cis gays who wanted respectability" and "bob iger is pro-gay". it was fucking james somerton this whole time. "american GIs joined the european front purely out of envy for nazi bodybuilding" <<<< actual thing he said seriously in a video. and people were just like "yup sounds good" ?????

[fishsfailureson]

I'd be interested to hear about "Pigeons as a metaphor for the abandonment of compassion to cope with an increasingly depressing reality, or alternatively a pigeon showing up and becoming whatever the effective version of a self-help guru is" or "The journey", if you're okay with that?

Absolutely,

The pigeon book is about a person who's kind of a dick on the surface, being quite cold to everyone around them. However, they do have a softer side. One day they help a bird (probably a pigeon), and go on with their day. Then the ghost of a pigeon shows up and yells at them to get their shit together but in a nice way. That's all I can say about it rn, the pigeon might end up with the name Ishtar but idk.

The Journey is something that I have literally grown up with. I have named myself after one of the protagonists. But enough about the real-life context for it, here's some of it's lore (putting it under a read more since it's long as shit):

They have a somewhat cyclic view of how the world works, with their being ten "realms", five of which are "mortal" realms and five of which are afterlife realms. If you die in one you ascend to the next one. If you are in a mortal realm you remain as your current self with all your memories and shit intact, although if you're in an afterlife realm you just get reincarnated. The realms are currently just numbered 1-10 with 1 being completely normal with little magical interference, and 9/10 being completely weird as shit.

Magic works through reality bending and I don't have the braincells to explain

Gods can be created through beleif or just spawn out of nowhere (and also actually being born)

Anyways enough about the general worldbuilding of this place (the ten realms are gonna be home to several stories) on to the TJ-exclusive lore

The foxes are genetically modified fennec, arctic and red foxes, who were modified primarily by Syrusreisha with a little help from their younger sibling. Unlike real foxes these guys can actually interbreed perfectly fine, which was a deliberate choice by Syrusreisha to prevent genetic bottlenecks. They are all effectively one species and would not be able to interbreed with regular foxes due to the extent of genetic modification. They live much longer and are sapient.

Syrusreisha is the leader of the gods, they have ties to both life and death along with balance and a bunch of other stuff that I can't recall rn. They can also provide gender affirming care that only needs 1 appointment but unfortunately the waitlist for this is long as shit so it's difficult to obtain.

Speaking of trans people- or foxes in this case- most of the cultures give children necklaces with something representing their name on it, if an individual desires to change their name for any reason (including being trans) there'll be a whole ceremony where they get a new one. It is customary to hang on to past name necklaces as they are very hard to make and also made out of precious metal, most name necklaces will be gifted to other individuals, usually newborn pups, who will take on the name that the gifter previously had (the renaming ceremony is slightly different if the name is being gifted). Deceased individuals also tend to have their name necklaces reused. If an individual has gone through the renaming ceremony it is incredibly taboo to refer to them by their old name. However, if someone is looking to change their name but hasn't had the ceremony yet it's considered perfectly fine to deadname them by most individuals. (Obviously not a good thing)

There's a war going on, which is the main conflict. I'm still working out the exact details of it.

The gods do interfere with regular life quite often, although none of them are omnipotent so they can't really intervene all the time.

France is real in-universe. Thought you should know.

[quirkypossum]

personal life shit ahead btw

gonna talk about some personal life bullshit under the cut so if you're not interested in my life drama or potentially triggering shit then I'd scroll past. Content warning for talking about disturbing/self-destructive thoughts, chronic pain and illness, and trans stuff..

well, I'm at the point where I am second-guessing myself again. my mom and her husband actually think I'm a hypochondriac and I didn't help my own thought spiral by watching a bunch of videos on people who supposedly made up their own chronic illnesses for crime or other reasons...

like i genuinely think there has been stuff going on with me for years now, but because i never brought some of it up to doctors at the time they tend to not believe its that serious.. Half the time they blame my symptoms on my weight (something that has changed very little over the last five years not including getting the tits chopped earlier this year) or they will blame it on my diet (another thing that has if anything gotten healthier over the last five years as I've explored more veggies and fruits).

Most recently, I went in after doing a bunch of research on POTS and hypermobility without really saying anything specific, keeping the most specific description at general hypermobility while describing my joints and pain and other problems. Well, the outcome I thought was going to be better because normally they dismiss it and don't do anything but this time it seemed different because my doctor actually ordered new blood tests that I haven't had before to rule out things like arthritis and lupus and stuff. The problem was that she said she would follow up and never did and its been like a month now since then and still nothing. Based on the ranges they show with the tests I'm within range for everything pretty much so part of me wonders if that's why she never reached out to confirm the results or what, but I am planning on sending her a message to ask what the next step is.

I know it's not smart to self-diagnose and do a ton of research into symptoms because you could be wildly off but given the fact that the doctors I keep getting just dismiss everything as normal without really doing anything to check most of the time I just can't forget about it and move on. I shouldn't be dealing with all the health problems that I am at the age that I am. Older adults always say stuff like "wait til you're older, then you'll really know pain" and it makes me so disheartened for my future if I'm already overwhelmed by it all rn. Like I really am at a "whats the fucking point?" type of mental state because of all this.

I feel like no one in my life really believes that the issues I have a real and everyone just thinks i make it all up because I complain a lot. Part of me wonders if I am faking it all and I'm just so delusional that i don't know I'm faking it. It's the same kinds of thoughts I have about being trans sometimes or about money. I've been really trying to avoid self harming lately because of all this shit.... Its so weird cause I'll have a great awesome day where I got all the shit done I needed to do, did something fun, socialized, showered, ate, all of it and at the end of it all I feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet... Like everything I said and did was wrong and of course my doctors don't believe me Im just making it up, of course my brother said no to sitting outside with me, I'm being annoying as usual. idk....

I have so many wishes for my life and my loved ones' lives and my mom always says that obnoxious response of "you wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up faster" to try and bring me back to reality and make me feel better I guess but obviously it never works. it just makes me feel worse about it like I shouldn't even complain in the first place. I really do wish things were different.

I wish I wasn't in pain every day, I wish I didn't have stomach problems every day, I wish I didn't feel like I might pass out every day, I wish my anxiety was the normal amount and not the terrifying heart palpitations I get every day, I wish I had enough money that these health problems wouldn't worry me so much, I wish my mom didn't have to work her soul-crushing job just to keep a roof over our family's heads, I wish that things were different....

If you read through all of this I applaud you and hope you can't relate to any of it.