#that is the textbook definition of dissociation

[clockworkreapers]

for those who only read the blogs... you'll never know

[2drazilizard5]

i think if i never explicitly say what’s wrong with me no one will ever figure it out (in the middle of the Two Towers i broke down how the Ring is clearly starting to affect Frodo because he’s starting to derealize and depersonalize almost every scene, meanwhile Gollum, after having had the Ring for 500 years, has a severe dissociative disorder. meaning we can infer that the Ring is the one directly causing the dissociation that Sam has to pull Frodo out of every 5 minutes [not really that wild of an assumption] and after i was done explaining this and that, no, this is not “schizo”, this is a simple OBE and also mild possession, my brother and friend, the actual LOTR nerds, stared at me like i had started speaking fluent Gaelic). yeah i think i’m really good at keeping it on the down-low. also i never use run-on sentences.

[fave-fix]

SANYA KAZARINA HAS A COMPLEX DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER, AND HERE'S WHY: a pafl analysis

point zero: definitions

im aware that my knowledge regarding cdds is above average. so, in an effort to avoid being like that one xkcd comic, i'll define the terms i use real quick.

complex dissociative disorder: abbreviated to cdd. an umbrella term that covers did, osdd, udd, and p-did.

dissociation: a mental disconnect, typically from reality. everybody dissociates to an extent - some less severe forms of it are zoning out, driving on autopilot, or getting really absorbed in a show you're watching. in cdds, the dissociation is at a maladaptive level.

alters: short for alternate self states. the dissociated parts of a person with a cdd.

point one: childhood

why do complex dissociative disorders form? it all comes down to stuff that happens in childhood, before the personality is fully integrated. experts disagree on the exact cutoff point [some say as low as 6 years old, others say as high as 12], but 9 is the typical agreed-on point. when somebody dissociates too much during childhood, it keeps their personality and identity from fully forming and integrating. this level of dissociation is almost always a result of childhood trauma.

sanya most certainly has childhood trauma. she grew up without a mother, her father died when she was six, her brother was overprotective, and other caregivers were nikita and kolya. she's also shown in canon to use fiction as a coping mechanism, which is a dissociative trauma response by nature. i don't think it's a reach to say that sanya likely relied on dissociation a lot through her childhood.

as a side note, one common risk factor for cdds is the disorganized attachment style. this attachment style forms when a child's caretakers are inconsistent and unpredictable. all things considered i think this matches sanya as well.

point two: dissociation

i just talked about sanya's dissociation during childhood - now it's time to talk about examples of her dissociation at the current time.

first off, sanya pretty clearly has a dissociative barrier around the concept of grief. what's a dissociative barrier? it's a mental "wall" that uses dissociation as the "bricks". it's the same thing that keeps people with cdds from remembering their trauma, or times when other alters were in front. with this dissociative barrier, sanya has separated herself from the painful emotions that will otherwise come when she loses someone.

another example of sanya's dissociation is in the beginning of 100 epitaphs, when she believes yura to be dead. at first she freaks out, but then she shuts down. this is pretty much textbook dissociation, imo.

point three: alters

i wanted to discuss this one later on because a lot of people tend to see cdds as just "alter disorders" and i wanted to point out some other aspects of the disorder first. that being said, though... sanya not being a singular person is kind of blatantly obvious.

the girl on the right is the sanya that we all know and love. the girl on the left? that... is not sanya. like pretty blatantly so. i'm gonna call her sasha, for ease of reading.

sasha and sanya are pretty clearly different, both visually and in terms of personality. i'll point out the differences.

sasha:

glasses

hair down

typically wearing that fuckass "just escaped gym class" fit from false disposition

seems to be less rebellious than sanya, is fine just staying inside and doing what sergei says

kind of a wimp

sanya:

contacts

ponytail

usually wearing her gopnik fit and has her tshirt sleeves rolled up

rebellious and aggresive, doesnt listen to sergei

not a wimp

they are different people within the same body who go by different names and even interact with each other mentally. they are literally alters

closing statement

[justanotherhornycatgirl]

Do you have any citations for "flashy gif" hypnosis not being dangerous? Or more broadly for flashing lights not causing seizures in most people, or that non-epileptic seizures don't cause brain damage? As much as i'd love to trust strangers on the internet, I want to make absolutely sure I know the dangers of any kink I engage with so i dont hurt my partners, and neither you nor OP cited where they were getting their information from. All I can find googling is information on epilepsy, nothing on how likely non-epileptic people are to seize from flashing lights.

i mean, rates of seizure disorders are basic medical statistical data

and "flashing lights repeatably inducing a seizure" is definitionally a seizure disorder

so, i dont feel any need to cite that most people are not experiencing this, as it would be like finding a citation for the statement "the majority of people whose hearts are currently functioning are not experiencing heart failure"

if flashing images cause you to seize repeatably, and no other known of fixable issue such as withdrawal, fever, or head trauma can be blamed, then the seizures are due to a seizure disorder

if it were something the majority of the population experienced, it wouldn't be a disorder, it would just be a weird thing the body does, and so there isn't really anything that needs citing in that regard

i could cite things, but it would just be me pointing to the definitions of seizures, epilepsy, and seizure disorders in a neurology textbook or clinical guidelines, essentially citing a dictionary

as for non epileptic seizures not causing brain damage, here we run into an issue with terminology

traditionally, seizures were defined as epileptic seizures by default in medical literature, only recently has some medical literature called a few specific instances of spasms/lapses/dissociation/loss of control/etc seizures

there is the somewhat informal and broad term "non-epileptic seizure", which is mostly used as a reference to what is more formally known as "paroxysmal events"

they can be caused by any number of things, and is just a term for symptoms that look like a seizure, but is not one in the medical sense

now, there is also the term psychogenic non-epileptic seizure (PNES), referring to the repeated onset of seizure-like symptoms but with no identifiable physical cause and no abnormal brain activity (abnormal brain activity being definitional to epilepsy)

this is one of the few conditions outside of epilepsy that is actually frequently referred to as a seizure disorder

and once again, the reason i felt no need for citation on the assertion that these do not cause brain damage is definitional

as if there were any major abnormal activity within the brain to be causing brain damage in PNES, it would not be PNES, it would be epilepsy

epilepsy is Defined By the presence of abnormal activity in the brain, and measuring brain activity is the only way to confidently distinguish epilepsy from PNES

"non epileptic seizures do not cause brain damage" is the null hypothesis in this case, as there isnt any evidence to suggest that it would have any reason to cause brain damage, if evidence Did come out pointing to brain damage from seizures in PNES patients, that would only be evidenito redefine PNES as a novel form of epilepsy, with hard to detect brain activity

now, with non epileptic seizures, you still face risks of harm from the convulsions or lapses in awareness/control themselves, and these could indirectly result in brain damage (convulsions or collapsing could cause head trauma from impact), but that is not the same

so again, there isnt anything rwally to cite here except a dictionary, as for our purposes "non epileptic seizure" in this context is synonymous with "seizure that does not affect the brain"

[disassociation-culture-is]

question, do you need an out-of-body experience for it to be considered dissociation? I've been really stuck in my head and cant really tell if something i did happened or not,, ive been having the majority of my days blacked out and a lot of identity stuff,, is this considered dissociation?

sorry if this is a little venty,,

-🫁

Hi!

That is definitely disassociation. Dissociation is characterized in media by the 'out-of-body' experiences but you're describing pretty textbook (the textbook in question being the DSM V and various other resources/scientific journals/etc. that I've read) dissociation. If this is something that's bothering you specifically, try to reach out to a mental health professional or a medical doctor

Be safe!

[queernarchy]

you are definitely not the only one mad about this! i agree. it also feels to me like many people have forgotten the whole mental illness part of jordan’s character?? he has not been alright for like. a full season, at this point. boy is not doing well, and hasn’t been, long before doomsday ever showed up. i see people getting upset about how he’s reacting to jon getting powers, and its just like… remember back in s2, jordan was SO excited when he thought jon was getting powers. he was so excited to be able to do this together. why do people think his reaction has changed from then to now? why do people think he has been making these troubling decisions? because he’s in a completely different place mentally now than he was then. it is textbook “kid in crisis” kind of behavioral signs but instead of letting that have space it’s all just “jordan is whiny and selfish and a terrible person.” i’m not using mental health struggles as an excuse but it is not a negligible part of his character. his disorder isn’t an excuse for his behavior, but it is a driving factor in why he thinks the way that he does, why he keeps getting stuck in these ruts, why he’s not making the best decisions. if you want to talk about jordan’s character and jordan’s attitude and jordan’s relationships with other characters, you have to talk about his mental health. they are irrevocably intertwined and always will be.

jon has never had those problems. that was the whole point of giving powers to jordan, at first, and not jon. and now i’m seeing all of these people say “the REAL superboy has finally arrived!” and im sitting here like. do you not get it?? do you not get that this is the entire point, that this is a kid who needs help, who has always been a half step off beat?? and it just… it becomes very clear to me that some people that talk about this show have never experienced mental illness in the family. this is how it plays out. in many ways you have to dissociate the disorder from the person and you have to know that in other ways they will always be connected, and it is the type of thing that is difficult to untangle unless you’ve experienced it firsthand.

i am happy for jon and boy howdy was that scene a long time coming. but they are ??? both 16 year old kids ??? who have both made mistakes? and who experience the world very differently from each other ?? and it really just rubs me the wrong way to watch people have so much sympathy and grace for one and not for the other. there is not a good brother and a bad brother. i love jon. i love him so much. he will do such great things. but i also love jordan. it is not mutually exclusive, but people act like it is.

i will be so extremely disappointed if they do the villain arc thing with jordan. that’s not his character. he is not bad or malicious. he never has been. he’s been irrational and has had some poor judgement but that does not mean he is bad. if the writers go down that road, i think i honestly will not finish the season out. i am holding out hope that they will address all of this in a way that stays true to the character i’ve come to know, but i know that if they go the villain arc, then something has been sorely missed.

…..anyways. sorry for the rant. i appreciate you posting what you did, because i agree and often feel like i am the only one feeling frustrated by this.

no for real like thank you for the validation because like.

what made the premise of the entire series compelling was the idea that the twin who struggled more mentally was the one to get the powers, and that he'd need to balance figuring out how to control them when they're triggered by emotion, while also dealing with having popularity and power for the first time in his life and figure out what it means to be a hero and use them responsibly.

that's what the ENTIRE first season was about (and the second, since jon started taking the superdrug to compensate for feeling inadequate not getting powers)

and not only do i think giving jon powers undercuts jordan's character arc and the series as a whole (like what was the whole POINT of having any of the boy's storylines we've seen, if literally none of them matter the second jon gets powers?), it is also a MASSIVE disservice to jonathan's character.

like from what this episode shows, jonathan has essentially become a 100% good aligned and selfless hero who somehow mastered all of superman's powers in less than 5 minutes with 0 negative repercussions and is also still humble and kind and understanding to jordan and uhhhh. why are we suddenly going absolutely apeshit for a character that has now been stripped of any depth or meaningful flaws? jon is literally a god, and somehow immediately more powerful with a better grasp on his powers than even clark.

don't we like to see heroes have flaws and struggle? specifically WHY is this fandom all about perfect effortless characters and hyper critical of heroes with flaws? and WHY is the show is implying that jonathan wasn't able to be a hero without powers when his whole arc last season was trying to figure out how to be both human and a hero? when that's literally also the point of lois' character? WHY does suddenly none of that matter?

like i know we've only seen jordan with powers and popularity and jonathan struggling since like episode 2, so on some level it feels like this is what jonathan deserves, but in the world of the show it really has been less than 2 years that jordan has been gaining some status and canonically he's been struggling with mental health and bullying and being the least favorite in the family his entire life. so a return to the status quo like this not only feels unearned but also unnecessarily cruel.

from a narrative perspective it is SO frustrating on every single level i don't think there are enough words.

[thelikesoffinn]

hiiiii so have you heard about astarion actually having DID? (dissociative identity disorder in case you don't kno) ive seen that a few times on tiktok now and i thought i finna ask you about it because that shiz is wiiild to me. like girl wtf.

TW: Dissociative Identity Disorder He's got...what. Just what.

What in the world is TikTok cooking up now? Like, what in the world? I myself don't use TikTok, so I've never heard this before but damn. Damn.

Flower, I'm not gonna lie, this confuses me more than the 'his crying is a sign that not ascending is the bad choice'. Because this? This is wild, you're so right. This is more than wild, this is the wildest shit.

DID is such a highly specific disorder, why would anyone get the idea Astarion could have that? (Once again, I'm not standing in the way of anyones headcanons, play around as you like, but heavens, no. I don't see that at all.)

Over the entire game, I haven't seen a singular sign that could point towards DID. And yes, sure, one could say 'well Alters are meant to protect the system to the shift is not obvious so Astarion's alter called Astorian could just be hiding it really well' which...yeah, okay, that's true I'll hand them that but there's other signs apart from the shifting alters that Astarion simply doesn't display.

He might have some common comorbidities, but if we go just by that he could have pretty much any other disorder known to man because so so many of them come with the same comorbidities. That is why diagnosing people accurately is so difficult.

Also - DID is developed in early childhood. Mostly in children before the age of nine who experienced extreme trauma. And yes, while Astarion WAS abused and his abuse would definitely be enough for that, he wasn't a child. I mean, come on, he was 36. And yes, that is young for elves but it's still a blown arse adult. It just doesn't make sense.

And, can I just step away from my social worker self and into my writer self for a hot second? I usually try not to, but it's necessary here.

Astarion's trauma and the resulting behavioural patterns exist to add complexity and depth to his character. They are devices used so that he isn't just the campy cunty vampire. We are supposed to see his layers, to see that he is more than just the rude pretty boy. We are supposed to make connections between his behaviour and how Cazador treated him, which is why his behaviour is as obvious and textbook as it is. It's a glaring neon sign made for us so that we understand the character and endear him to us.

That is why they are there.

Anything used in a story is there for a reason. Everything is used to drive the story forward and carry it into the authors chosen direction. It would make absolutely zero sense to give Astarion a disorder as rare, as misunderstood and as interesting as DID and not mention it. That would be so. much. wasted story telling potential.

It just doesn't make sense, absolutely not.

And I'm not saying DID wouldn't make for an interesting story - quite the opposite. I think the community could thrive on some destigmatisation because all the DID characters I've ever seen were crazily homicidal maniacs and it'd be nice to see a character that is displaying DID in the proper way, but Astarion simply isn't it.

He really really isn't.

TikTok is throwing around wild theories every day it seems, I'm really truly baffled!

[evertidings]

not trying to harp on anything but what you described for k does kind of immediately read as some textbook and pretty extreme dissociation?

hmm i didn’t realize that was a mental disorder actually. that would be on me ! but yes i would say K definitely has that <3

[batbeato]

I see a lot of interesting discussion on Sayo's gender identity on your blog, but may I ask: can we talk about how Sayo's identity is intrisincly related to DID (dissociative identity disorder)? And an outdated vision of DID?

(Disclaimer: I don't have DID, I try to learn about this this and to be considerate to plural people, but I may be clumsy so my apologies)

Indeed, Ryukishi claims that DID manifests in people who experienced trauma when they were children. Which seems to be true. But Ryukishi thinks that the creation of alters is a conscious choice. Sayo consciously created Shanon and Kanon. It seems that this theory is wrong, the apparition of alters is not a conscious choice. DID people can spend years before accepting that they have multiple alters. They can't create alters, they mostly discover existing alters. (From what I've understood)

Ryukishi talks about multiple personnality in a clue in Onikakushi, and Sayo is the textbook definition of this. Sayo was created to carry the grief of being left alone by Battler, and Kannon was created to bring company to Shanon.

And multiplicity is central in Sayo's identity crisis. It's not just a gender crisis: it's also a tension between their alters.

So it seems strange to me to only talk about Sayo with the view of transidentity and intersexuality while ignoring multiplicity/plurality. Don't get me wrong: Sayo does struggle with intersexuality issues and gender indentity crises, I'm not dismissing that, but it seems to be that ignoring multiplicity misses a lot of core of the character. (And we also need to address the fact that his view of DID is outdated)

I guess we need to start with the fact that DID isn't the only way to be "more than one". There are other disorders, such as some presentations of OSDD, that are associated with someone being "more than one"/multiplicity, and there are also people who intentionally create their systems, and/or their system arises from a source that is not trauma and/or disorder (for example, spiritual beliefs). Though DID is a trauma-based disorder, multiplicity/plurality itself isn't caused by any one thing in specific, it's moreso an identity framework.

There are also many system structures and ways for a system to come about and for splitting to occur. Some systems (DID or otherwise) can split intentionally or engage in parogenic methods to create different system members. Everyone with DID and every system look different: there's a massive variety amongst systems.

To be honest, with regards to Sayo, I really prefer Ryukishi's portrayal of them to a lot of other more intentional DID portrayals in anime and manga. There are other Japanese visual novels (unnamed for spoilers) which fiercely resist medicalization and portray headspace as some almost magical thing. Oh, and murder alters. It's laughably bad. Meanwhile, Ryukishi gives Sayo the ability to be seen through the lens of multiplicity, but never gives her a specific diagnosis. And, Beatrice acting as the culprit isn't portrayed as some supernatural possession of poor innocent Sayo, but as Sayo's own decision as a whole.

With Sayo and multiplicity, I'm not quite sure what you're interested in. I (and others) often talk about both Sayo as a collective whole and as their distinct personas, synthesizing the two together in discussing their identity and gender crises as well as their trauma. I think that works well for general multiplicity, and explicitly saying "Sayo is multiple" does not add much to those analyses. So I'll instead discuss Sayo as a DID system here, specifically through the lens of the theory of structural dissociation.

The theory of structural dissociation (ToSD), a framework for trauma-related dissociation, talks about the idea that we develop different ego states for getting our needs met, and how typically these states integrate naturally as we grow older to form a cohesive sense of self. When those states are not in sync due to trauma fragmenting our identities, they develop barriers between each other and these separated parts take on their own identities (with more elaborated identities generally relating to higher levels of dissociation). This is an abbreviated explanation, but in the end Ryukishi expresses something along these lines when he is talking about multiple personalities.

As a note, from here on I will be using "parts" both to refer to "parts of self" and to refer to what you call alters for the rest of this post.

The ToSD also talks about Apparently Normal Parts of the Personality (ANP) and Emotional Parts of the Personality (EP), as well as combinations of the two (mixed parts). These are parts of self (not necessarily alters, but can develop into such with more complex dissociation such as DID) which are separated due to trauma. ANPs are oriented towards daily life, such as socializing, eating, caretaking, sleeping, and so on. ANPs are often avoidant of traumatic memories and of EPs, often are very distanced and/or in denial of trauma, and may even have some level of amnesia for traumatic events. While ANPs tend to be dissociated more heavily from trauma, ANPs are still traumatized. EPs are "stuck in trauma time" and hold unprocessed traumatic material (including memories, emotions, somatic feelings/pain, trauma responses, perspectives, and so on). EPs may also present as being literally stuck at the age the trauma occurred. Despite the name, EPs are not necessarily outwardly emotional.

Anyway, if we want to read Sayo through the lens of the ToSD... in my opinion, Shannon is an ANP, Kanon is a mix of ANP and EP, and Beatrice is an EP. Yasu is also an EP, and seems to act as an internal gatekeeper who also manages splits and how each part functions. Yasu seems to have split very young, perhaps holding onto the trauma of their upbringing/isolation at Fukuin while Shannon, Kanon, and Beatrice all are associated with newer traumas.

Ronove and Virgilia seem to be primarily slapping fantasy over reality, but characters like Gaap seem a lot closer to system members. Maybe a primarily internal member who was allowed to front once or twice? Probably holds onto what Yasu went through as a young servant and before the Shannon split, considering how she originally represented Yasu's clumsiness.

Yasu seems to clearly delineate roles, where parts like Shannon and Kanon, who are 'human', are needed to handle daily life, while parts like Gaap and Beatrice can 'possess' the body (Gaap possessing Yasu, Beatrice possessing Shannon/Kanon) but do not own it.

In this reading, I imagine that besides carrying the specific emotions - maybe with some bleedover now and then - Sayo's parts also hold specific memories, or at least are primarily aware of or vividly recall only specific memories. It probably helps them to deal with a lot of the revelations... Beatrice went from holding a crush and some pent up frustration to holding an entire avalanche of horrors. And then the well-oiled machine comes apart, where Beatrice goes from Shannon's old friend to Shannon's enemy, because the trauma of the reveal clashes against the need to conform and stay normal and obey their masters and love for George.

And we have, of course, how the ANPs who don't know the deeper trauma (Shannon, Kanon) are horrified and reject the EPs with deeper trauma and terrible coping mechanisms (Beatrice). Classic story, to be honest. Happens to a lot of people, because this kind of structure where the ANPs know less about the truth to function and find out later is common.

Shannon and Kanon probably know about systemhood for the sake of being able to keep each other company, but... Probably are vague on things about Beatrice or their past beyond "raised at Fukuin". It's easier to believe a pleasant false history, though I feel like Shannon is the type to accept and Kanon is the type to push until a trauma revelation socks him in the jaw.

And then the Golden Land is where all of Sayo's parts can coexist and find happiness. There is no need to be a "normal" single person or to destroy/suppress parts of themselves to fit a certain person, or to attempt forced fusions. They can stop killing themselves (each other) in order to get someone to finally notice them.

They think of it as some beautiful place to rest, without true happiness but with peace. Because they are always being further traumatized, always having to deal with abuse, always struggling between which of them should be arbitrarily called 'the real Sayo' and should be allowed to live. The only way for them to escape is for them to become one person and stop struggling and enter a relationship with someone who will protect them, right? They'll be one normal person then, right? Or, that's what they believe, at least.

(I love Kanon. Man who insists that he and Shannon can still exist together if they date Jessica. I think she could date both of them. I think she would love them. I think she would guess who was fronting based on voice alone without even opening her eyes.)

So there's Sayo, local system with every disease. They really need a therapist and to take some system responsibility.

(...I do want to mention that I'm not sure framing me not talking about Sayo with regards to multiplicity is me ignoring that lens was the kindest or most respectful way to go about asking me to talk about it. Especially since there isn't much talk about intersex Sayo, which has made it a big focus for me over multiplicity, in part because Sayo is so explicit about multiplicity that everyone has at least made the joke at least once.)

[chemblrish]

Hi! Do you have any tips for studying chemistry? For some reason I cant seem to get all the formulas in my brain.

Hey!

My unhelpful but still favorite advice for shoving formulas into one's brain is to understand them 😅 A purely memorization-based approach is very bad for chemistry.

If the problem seems to be particularly understanding/ remembering formulas:

Ask yourself if this particular formula is just words turned into numbers and mathematical symbols. I think it may not work for everyone, but for example I found it easier to remember the literal definition of pH that is "the negative decimal logarithm of hydrogen ion concentration" rather than "pH = -log [H+]" bc otherwise I'd keep forgetting about the minus sign.

Check if you find deriving a formula from another formula easier than just memorizing it. Again, my personal example is I hate memorizing things so much I never really bothered to remember the equation that describes Ostwald's law of dilution - bc I knew I could easily, quickly, and painlessly derive it from the equilibrium constant for concentration + degree of dissociation (and I've done it so many times now it stuck in my brain anyway).

When all else fails, I turn to mnemotechnics. To this day I remember that Clapeyron's equation goes pV = nRT because many years ago someone on the internet shared a funny sentence whose words start with these 5 letters. The sillier the better.

If the issue is with chemistry in general:

Take it chapter by chapter. Chemistry, like most STEM subjects, is just blocks of knowledge upon blocks of knowledge. For example, if you want to learn electrolysis, you need to understand redox reactions first. Try to identify where the struggle begins and work from there.

Once you've picked a topic you want to work on, follow the reasoning in your textbook. If you get stuck, that might be a sign you're simply missing a piece of information from a previous chapter. If an example comes up, try to solve it along with the tips in the textbook.

If anything remains unclear, it's usually not the best idea to just leave it and move on. If the textbook becomes unhelpful, turn to the internet or maybe a friend. Otherwise, the next chapter may just turn out to be needlessly confusing.

Practice problems practice problems practice problems!! And not just the numerical ones. The theory-based ones where they ask you about reactions, orbitals, the properties of the elements etc. are important too.

Choose understanding over memorizing whenever possible.

Try to look at the big picture: the way certain concepts are intertwined, how one law may be a logical consequence of another law you learnt before, why some concepts are taught together, why you had to learn something else first to get to what you're studying now. Again, as an example, I think it's particularly fun to see towards the end of ochem, somewhere around the biomolecules: you need to integrate your knowledge of aromatic compounds, ketones and aldehydes, alcohols, carboxylic acids... Stack new information upon what you already know.

Study methods I'm a big fan of: spaced repetition, solving past papers (anything I can get my hands on tbh), flashcards for the things I absolutely have to memorize, exchanging questions and answers with a friend, watching related videos.

If by any chance you end up taking pchem, I have a post for that specifically.

I hope you can find something helpful here :) Good luck!

[sincerely-sofie]

no worries if you aren't sure/rather not answer, take as long as you need, public response over private is okay does schizophrenia come under dissociative disorders, and if not, what's the difference?

i know i have /some/ form of dissociative(-like?) thing, as many people with DID or similar have pointed it out. but i don't have the alters separate memory different people fronting thing. what i do have is myself, logic brain, emotion brain, possibly other stuff, and

the part(s) that's actually relevant here - what feels like a peanut gallery of cptsd-induced hecks reinforcing internalised stuff. why i'm asking is your description of the hallucinations sounds more like them than a lot of experiences i've read, so i'm wondering if it'd be worth me looking into (i'm already in the process of signing up for therapy, but more info for initial assessment always good)

it's definitely not identical because as far as i know i don't hallucinate images or sounds (besides that i used to hear my sibling calling my name when they weren't for some reason?), and i don't know how to identify anything distinctly let alone have mental images of any of them like your drawings, but.

i'd appreciate any insight you may have, but no obligation of course (i know you probably know that already but peanut gallery yells at me if i don't make it clear) thanks even just for reading even if not sure how to answer :)

Media portrayals of schizophrenia vs. dissociative disorders oftentimes blur the lines between them. It's very understandable to be uncertain on which you may or may not be experiencing period--- but throw in the public confusion on the differences and it's a muddy mess to understand their distinctions. ESPECIALLY Dissociative Identity Disorder, oh my goodness. You mentioned DID by name, so I'll be using it and schizophrenia as the main apples and oranges I compare. Keep in mind that there's various forms of schizophrenia and dissociative disorders, though.

(Obligatory disclaimer that I am not a medical professional and the only qualifications I have to answer this is that I'm a field researcher of sorts. Good on you for starting signing up for therapy, PLEASE keep that process going. Do not take my word for gospel. I'm one person with no degree or training. Anyone reading this and relating to the mental illnesses I'm describing here should seek out medical professionals and be particularly wary of self-diagnosis for these disorders.)

The DSM-5 (aka The Big Book of Mental Bad Vibes) classifies schizophrenia and DID under two different umbrellas: psychotic disorders vs. dissociative disorders. They're two distinct, but similar, conditions. Schizophrenia's diagnostic criteria centers on a disconnection from and altered perception of reality. DID's diagnostic criteria, meanwhile, revolves around a disconnection in identity, awareness, and memory. People with a textbook case of schizophrenia, while they likely experience delusions, do not display alters--- though there may be erratic behavior and moods in individuals that can come across to outsiders as such.

While they're very distinct, they have a number of similarities and a distinct amount of overlap between symptoms at times. I've seen statistics saying that anywhere up to 50% of schizophrenia patients meet the criteria for DID--- though I'm personally wary of that statistic, as DID's diagnosis criteria and treatment has been shifting all over the place in recent years and I'm not sure when the statistic was said. It also reeks to me of the fear-mongering a lot of classic horror movies used when lumping the two disorders into a scary boogeyman figure.

All of that context aside, I'm a very strange example of schizophrenia, and my doctor has said at times that the diagnosis was more so something I received because it checked enough boxes and less so because it was something I truly embodied. He's said that if Anxiety with Psychosis were in the books, he'd have given me that diagnosis in a heartbeat. It's not, though, so I got the shiny moniker of Early Onset Undifferentiated Schizophrenia--- which basically means "Your brain exploded while you were a teen and the aftermath sort of fits into this one psychotic disorder's box, but only sort of". My experience with schizophrenia is not typical, and knowing what I know now about my mental health background, I'd say that PTSD and C-PTSD is the strongest overlap with my experience--- just with added psychosis for extra spice. Ultimately, my hallucinations were largely manifestations of my various complexes and neuroses--- this makes them a lot more comparable to thought processes in patients with a form of post-traumatic stress than your average schizophrenia patient's hallucinations.

It's important to note that a small degree of hallucinations / psychosis is normal--- we've all thought we heard a notification from our phone when no such thing happened, and hearing someone call your name when they actually didn't is a pretty typical experience. It's not cause for immediate concern. Heck, I thought hypnagogic hallucinations were part of my diagnosis--- it turns out over half the population experience them!

TL:DR; if my description of my hallucinations resonates with you, you're more likely to have some form of trauma or anxiety disorder than straight up schizophrenia or DID. I'm a weird case, and the way my hallucinations formed was apparently very atypical. So I really would recommend looking into the anxiety disorder / trauma angles before you start gaslighting yourself into questioning your perception of reality. Check out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy strategies. The ones described in this workbook in particular ultimately did more for my recovery in the end than medication did--- and medication did a lot for my recovery. Absolutely keep seeking out therapy, because you need a medical professional to sift out whatever may be going on in your head--- ESPECIALLY if you suspect a psychotic or dissociative disorder is at play. Others with disorders might be able to identify someone with a similar condition, but they may also be only identifying symptoms which merely overlap with their own experiences. They are not professionals. Their word is valuable, but ultimately you need a doctor for this kind of thing.

[caintooth]

Okay this is a little weird but I have a DID question.

I had a friend in high school who claimed to have DID. I met several alleged alters and she really would change a lot between personalities, even seeming stronger, having a higher body temp, and having different handwriting as certain alters. She also definitely had a real, terrible childhood that I could see causing her to split off an alter for protection. At the time I was about 80% convinced.

It's been years and we're still good friends, but she hasn't mentioned any alters since high school, and she has also not mentioned being able to integrate some or all of her alters, even tho we talk about mental health often. I haven't seen her be (or at least I haven't noticed her being) any of the alters I would recognize from high school. But I also used to spend almost every day with her and now I go weeks or months without hanging out with her so my sample size is smaller.

Starting a few months after I stopped seeing her every day I started to become more skeptical of her claim to have DID, because it felt a bit too much like a movie to me at the time. Sometimes I could request time with a specific alter and they would show up, but sometimes they wouldn't. It didn't seem like she was someone else without willing it, very often if ever. She had like 3 main alters when she told me about it - a protector, a little kid, and one more I can't remember and didn't see often - and she allegedly acquired a cat alter sometime after that.

I'm split about it now. I believed her for the most part at the time, because she really did seem different, but I also knew that was the kind of thing high schoolers sometimes lie about so I was always mildly suspicious. Now looking back I feel bad doubting her because if she was telling the truth, it would probably really hurt her to know I doubted her. But also that is the kind of thing high schoolers sometimes lie about! I had other friends lie about similar shit. And I haven't seen any evidence in so long and it hasn't come up in just as long.

I've always wanted to ask her about it but I don't want to embarrass her or harm our friendship which is still strong despite this question lol. I know you're not a doctor and it can be dangerous to speculate, but I just wondered what your perspective as someone with DID is?

This is such a strange thing to anonymously ask a stranger.

Are you hoping I’ll tell you she was faking? Are you hoping I’ll validate your assumptions about her inner life? What you have described is incredibly textbook for DID.

To help you understand, let me explain that Dissociative Identity Disorder presents in two ways, typically: overtly, or covertly.

An “overt” presentation is as you were describing her high school presentation— the disorder is easier to see as an outside viewer, because an “overt” presenter has (comparatively) more visible switches between alters, with (comparatively) more noticeable differences between their abilities, voices, interests, personalities, mannerisms, etc.

And so, a “covert” presentation is the opposite of this, where the disorder is not very obvious to an outside viewer at all. Switches may seem seamless, or they may seem to not switch at all. Alters do not have as many outwardly visible differences, may have similar or same voices and mannerisms, may not speak openly about their differing opinions or likes/dislikes.

DID is a disorders which forms, as you acknowledge, to protect the haver from trauma. And because the disorder is trying to protect you, it can shift between “overt” to “covert” presentation as needed.

A system may present more overtly, for example, if some alters are better emotionally or physically equipped for a task than others, if some alters are more likely to be treated in the way the system most needs at the time, if some alters have stronger interests and knowledge about a certain subject, etc. And many systems, myself included, find themselves presenting more overtly simply when they are safe and comfortable with the people around them!

In contrast, then, a system may present more covertly when it is not safe to have visible differences, and/or to help disguise the system as one person. Alters may mimic each other to help keep their differences from putting them in danger, and this can happen so discreetly that the system themself may not even be aware of switching when it happens. This being said, systems can also present covertly just because super visible differences are not needed to keep them safe / if being outwardly visibly different from one another doesn’t serve as much of a purpose as being inwardly different.

Systems can also move between these modes for other reasons besides safety and comfort, but as far as I know, those are the main two reasons. And I want to clarify that this move isn’t, most of the time, a conscious choice. The disorder kinda decides for you.

So, if your friend who once presented very overtly around you and spoke of their DID often, is now showing a much more covert presentation and not sharing details of their disorder with you… I have two guesses.

One, your friend may simply be in a different phase of their life, where they don’t feel the need to share many details of their DID with you. People can decide to be more private about things they were once open about, and there’s nothing wrong or suspicious about that.

Two… Your friend is presenting covertly around you for comfort and safety reasons. Maybe they no longer consider you a person they can openly be themselves around.

You might want to reflect on why either of these reasons might be the case. I am not going to tell you your friend is faking. Everything you described is very typical of DID and, again, I think it is very strange you would come into my ask box seeking my opinion on this, as if you assume I, and very good friends of mine, have not presented in similar ways throughout different points in our lives.

Have you considered, I don’t know— just asking about how her headmates have been doing lately? This is indeed a very weird way to handle your feelings about this.

[youremyheaven]

Haha ashwaghanda is my savior right now. I was really depressed and neurotic about everything and that made me even more depressed because I knew there was something wrong with me and just wanted to be normal. So I really hated myself.

But I’d tried ashwaghanda in the past but really needed something to help me. (Im not able to see a therapist because I don’t have much money) so I bought a different brand and it literally had changed my life. It’s also mixed with St John’s Wart, which is another herb and helps with depression. But it does interfere with medications so be careful if you take it.

I was afraid to start it because everyone says it can make you numb but it really didn’t for me. I feel more stable and more at peace I guess. Also you’re supposed to cycle it every 3 months or something. Lmao how I first noticed it was working was I noticed my handwriting got suddenly so much neater lol. Like in the past it was messy and illegible, so I was like hold up… why can I actually read what I’m writing. I think it was a reflection of my mental state. I actually understand myself now and in the past few months have genuinely started loving myself. It didn’t make my anxiety go away but I guess I’m able to realize that I can handle it now. So yeah haha my experience is pretty great so far!

thats amazing!!! when i first tried ashwagandha when i was 19-20, i had a really good time, i slept like a baby, i felt calm and generally more at ease etc

but i tried ash again last year and oh boy 😭😭😭

it made me suuuuper foggy and lethargic, i couldnt even stand up to get out of my bed sometimes bc it made me super out of energy,,

a common side effect of ash is anhedonia, which is described as the inability to feel pleasure and a lack of interest in life. i felt that,, its so interesting to me that you mentioned handwriting and how yours got neater because my journal entries from the time are soooo illegible, messy and looks like the textbook definition of someone whose cognitive capacities were impaired 💀💀🤐 it made me anxious asf, my heartbeat would be racing for no reason 💀💀my brain was sooo cloudy, id sit down on my bed and then 5 hours would pass by just like that and i wouldnt even know it 💀💀i felt very woozy, like my room was floating or smthng 😭

i was severely dissociated and extremely fatigued but i will admit that i did take too much of it 💀💀and i didnt cycle it 😭😭

i think different people react differently and its also impacted by our underlying state of mind and general condition i guess.

i did have a good experience with ash the first time around which is why i took it again last year, only to turn into a zombie cause of it lmao ,, it took me months to recover from it 😭😭

im really glad you had a positive experience bestie <333 its wonderful that ash did all that for you!! when it works, its truly incredible!!

to anybody thinking of taking herbal supplements, PLEASE exercise caution, take it in small quantities, do your research on its impact on any specific conditions you have etc

[compassionatereminders]

same anon who showed my ass about endo systems but a lot of people with DID do remember abuse even with impaired or non-existent communication. memories of abuse can be shared among alters, including a/the host. another reason why “DID is always caused by trauma” framework may not really fit. under this hypothesis, the reason DID exists is to “shield” from the memory of trauma. this is not a hypothesis that always works out in practice, even with people experiencing very textbook symptoms. there are other ways DID can “protect” one from trauma (such as an alter who is good at fawning, or fighting) without blotting out memories.

Yeah, experiencing dissociative amnesia definitely doesn't always equal having zero awareness of ones trauma. Thanks for elaborating on that part!

[vera-yaps]

something i’ve shared before on the subreddit is how andre’s bpd coded. now i recently ish got my bpd diagnosis and so am i projecting in trying to cope with it? maybe (definitely) but also hear me out

So i’m glad andre and cal dont have official diagnoses aside from cal being add simply bc the whole idea that is stressed is there is no reason for what happened having happened. plus bpd was even more stigmatized in 2002 than it is now so it wouldve defo been some weird glamorozed shit

(i was gonna go symptom by symptom but it FUCKING DELETED so cope with mindless yapping)

he goes from fine /neutral to angry within seconds. and its over the stupidest shit too. he sees the world as for them or against them, he goes from seeing himself as gods to genuinely showing hopelessness, unstable self image is massive in bpd. we see cal have interests, some sort of life outside the plan while to andre hurting others is genuinely his purpose in life. cal sees it as a way out, andre sees it as a way of living.

UNSTABLE RELATIONSHIPS. thats a big one. people see andre’s character as one-note compared to cal. i disagree—the fact we dont get andre talking to us *alone* is telling in his character as is. his relationship with cal is not a normal relationship. something coccio has said before that sticks with me is that the main character is their friendship—In 94 minutes they tell us nothing even if all they do is talk.

This leaves openness to interpretation beautifully to be frank. many people observe it as queer attraction and i definitely agree thats a valid point—However keeping it ambiguous gives more wiggle room for interpreting their friendship as no two people in the fandom describe it the same. that in itself is relationship instability because well…it is.

the way he and rachel describe each other is also interesting because if you notice rachel, in being an outsiders source which we rarely get in the movie until the security cameras come on, is wary of andre, agreeing when cal described him as violent even if he gaslights her afterwards. however when he describes rachel, its a matter of, “idk what her problem is, i didnt do anything”. this is another instance of instability, also a big thing with bpd is needing to be right and the victim which ngl mecore.

Also—He doesnt see what he’s doing as wrong. people with bpd dont tend to see themselves as doing anything wrong most situations. and if theyre questioned, it could trigger anger, as seen in the suicide note tape.

Abandonment issues. holy hell. is that a big one, andre’s biggest fear imo is cal abandoning the plan, while cal honestly is the embodiment of “fuck it we ball”. cal can definitely be interpreted as andre’s favorite person. cal gives no signs of abandoning him or the plan, yet andre thinks he is anyway. tbh the poem scene sells it for me even more because he saw that as reckless and involuntarily abandoning the plan. ZD wouldnt have happened without cal, abandoning the plan is abandoning the friendship. i saw the scene in the car as textbook splitting. he went to anger and implying that his best friend was stupid, acting like he was a pawn rather than a friend imo. within minutes. hell, the camera in itself is a character in its own right and he goes fromteaching us, the audience, how to pull off what they eventually pull off, to threatening us like we’re his victims (“59 seconds is all it takes for me to hide this sucker and come after you”)

that also feeds into the paranoia because the whole movie he’s so concerned that cal would give them away even in minor instances. like bffr a poem isnt gonna put yall on a watchlist lmfao. also dissociations a big one and when he lays on the ground looking into nothingness post egg scene that felt very dissociate-y.

self destructive behaviors

Arguably, planning this in the first place is self destructive among other things. also a minor detailin the shooting scene is him putting a gun to his face but dry firing it multiple times without seeing it it was loaded.

also two teenagers lighting fireworks when i know damn well neither of em got licenses is impulsive if i ever seen it.

also identity disturbance—

so essentially, cal and andre balance each other out in every possible way. from physical appearance to dynamic, but something else is their perception of themselves. cal knows who he is. he has interests, he has actual close friends outside of andre, he simply wants to hurt, and take himself down in the process. zero day is a suicide mission for him but andre really doesnt see himself with a purpose. he’s canonically going to college, in all these activities (that are vastly different if you ask me) but is obviously not fulfilled. i definitely see this in the scene with his dad. he *sees* more for himself but really all he sees for himself is zero day. to do it as a living. cal sees it as his end but andre to some extent sees it as his existence. he latches onto that for identity.

i’ll prolly add more to this if i think of more lmfao

[brightlotusmoon]

I got tagged to write a scene from a WIP. I chose something from the RP turned fic I've been working on with @remmushound but I haven't heard from her in a while. I have been reading through the shared document.

The premise is the Rise Turtles meeting the Bay Turtles. Bay Mikey gains psionic powers, Rise Mikey reveals similar mystic powers, Rise Raph and Bay Leo accidentally piss each other off at first, Rise Donnie is everyone's beloved feral kitten, every character is AuDHD and queer, probably all on the ace spectrum.

The Mikeys have visions of their counterparts. Even Ronin. Also epilepsy.

Full name: Rise. Short name: Bayverse.

Raphael nodded slowly. “I understand fear... I... almost really hurt my brothers a few times before.”

"That wasn't your fault, though, you didn't mean any of it," Mikey said quietly.

“I know... but I still did it. I could really hurt someone...”

Donnie bent to look directly at Raphael’s face. "Could being the operative word. We are all trained to kill, Raphael. Flip the right switch, and..." He snapped his fingers. "We were meant to become warriors. It was chance that made us kind. And for some of us... it can get difficult to compartmentalize between warrior and protector, between fury and softness, when our triggers are directly hit."

Raphael nodded slowly, pulling his head back so his face wasn’t so close to Donnie’s.

“I know... still terrifies me. My brain is so... frazzled from having so many episodes so close.”

Donnie looked back at Mikey, who blinked at him and then made a soft "oh" sound.

"That's something you and Mikey seem to have in common, something to talk about."

"That'd make you feel better, right?" Mikey piped.

Raphael nodded. “I like talking!”

Mikey looked at him, blue eyes darkening. "I...I can feel it. You do feel a little better."

Donnie glanced at him. "Were you unable to?"

"Not with all the...the fog and static." Mikey rubbed his forehead.

Raphael got comfortable on the bed. “I don’t usually get the fuzzy-thoughts after I get weird— only if it was really long or... or there were a lot of them.”

Mikey nodded, thinking.

"Sounds like a deep stress coping mechanism," Donnie said.

"Oh!" Mikey fumbled for his phone. "Didn't we download those psychology textbooks that talked about dissociative trauma? I can study that while you're out playing patrol leader!"

Donnie sighed and shook his head. "You've definitely matured. Or perhaps we just found a whole field of science that finally hits your interest."

"Well, duh! Despite what Leo said, I know I'm brains AND heart."

Donnie blinked back tears. "Exactly..."

Raphael listened happily to the conversation, looking between the two box turtles contentedly. He didn’t even realize his churr was sounding off, vibrating the bed and floor around the bed as he rumbled almost like an old, rusty swing set.

"Awww," Mikey grinned, rocking. "We're making Snapper Raph happy. My job is done!"

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