#that if you give some random guy an army

[my-skull-is-full-of-sunken-ships]

Prigozhin and his assassin's gang started a riot and occupied russian Rostov-on-Don in one night. I don't even have a meme for this.

What a day, huh.

[notspiders]

Oh, Honey! (Bumblebee! Reader x Monster! 141)

General Warnings: Mostly fluff. Reader is female and is described as rather small and chubby. Reader is clumsy. Reader has a very large family. Characters may act out of character. Poor grammar is likely. Cussing. Part 1??? Note: Monster! 141 belongs to @bluegiragi

~~~~

Price watches you through the window.

Truthfully, he isn't sure how he and his team ended up here. One day they were being chased by a bloody team of zombies/cannon fodder, the next- he's laying on this extremely cozy bed (although it is a bit small) with his wounds nicely patched. Soap has gone hunting with the other women. Ghost is satisfied that they're all safe in this... rather massive cottage and has been snoring away in the next room for the past hour. Gaz has told him that he's going to just fly around and keep an eye out- just in case if the enemies somehow find themselves through the dense woods and into this clearing.

They really were lucky, Price thinks. According to you, the woods were a force themselves. Navigating through it, especially at night, is practically impossible. Compasses don't work. There's no signal and, of course, any type of aircraft just fail here. The woods are miles long and unless you packed enough supplies- it's suicide to dive back in and try to find your way out. It's just that sometimes the woods can help you, and sometimes the woods just gives you Mother Nature's middle finger and kills you. So there's that.

Naturally, the team was suspicious.

1) The explanation made no sense. 2) They were just outnumbered by a ton of enemies and to stumble upon this welcoming lot is... well, it's too good to be true, yeah? 3) You and your family are just way too happy. 3.1) There are no guys in your family. Your mother stated that men generally just wandered in, the family would treat them, and then they go away by themselves after a few nights. 3.2) Honestly, all of you look the same. Maybe there's like, a difference in hairstyles, body types, and obvious age gaps between the women here and there, but Jesus… Gaz has already made the mistake of confusing you, your cousins, your many sisters, and other random girls multiple times last night. 3.3) Scratch out the 'massive cottage' you guys claimed it to be. It's a mansion. Your 'family' is very large. There are many aunts, other women, cousins, other girls that were adopt into the family- Just no men. All living under the same roof and might as well be an army itself with how efficient you all did your tasks.

That said, it's very rude to point guns at innocent, clueless civilians. You, an adorably chubby, little bumblebee-hybrid (identifiable by the two rather pathetic buzzing wings behind your back), opened the door to them last night and stared blankly at their guns before cheerily ushering them in without freaking your head out. Next thing they knew, they got some quality homecooked meals cooked and served before them, plenty of drink (the honey mead everyone shared is excellent), proper treatment with their wounds (with... herbs), and warm beds. Ghost had stayed up the whole night and snooped around (just in case) but reported nothing interesting except for a few old hunting rifles and some overdue library books. Yes, each girl did carry a tiny foraging knife, but he's pretty certain they could still punt them like footballs ten at a time.

Morning comes- the team properly introduce themselves without being too specific of their occupation. There was a great deal of oohing and aahing as Price unfolded his one wing. His smoke did cause one girl to faint and her mother quickly asked for Price to... stop. He did his best and has, for now, stopped smoking his cigar. Everyone just steered clear from Ghost. Many children were petting Soap's head and playing with his fluffy tail, and others were stroking Gaz's wings.

Despite all the attention, Price's gaze is always on you. Maybe it was because of the fact that he's seen you first. You were just the cutest out of all of them. He wanted to whisk you away just to squish every soft part of your body and have you cuddled up beside him in his nest back home.

He's sorely disappointed to be told that he needs to return to bed so that his wounds can heal faster. No matter. The window gives him a very nice view of the clearing outside. Some girls are tending to the farm. Others are beekeeping. Plenty have gone to the outskirts of the forest to forage or hunt. Soap has offered to go out with the girls and they gladly accepted his help. (Tomorrow, he'll get off of this bed and join everyone too.)

Right now, you're picking the berries in your garden. It's amusing to watch you. Sometimes you bend over to pluck a few pretty flowers too- he's gotten a very nice view of your plump arse here and there. He's watched you buzz your small wings to just barely get a foot in the air and pluck an apple off the tree. Oh, how he wished to simply go out to lift you up himself... Your weight would be nothing to him.

From his observations, he's smartly deduced: Your body is round. Your little wings aren't designed for distance.

He loves the way you'd burrow your nose into any flower. Sometimes you remind him of Johnny's eagerness by the way you'd get a bit too enthusiastic and faceplant into the bed of flowers to take in the scent.

Price watches you get up, bump into your cousin (or is it sister? Or is this another girl? He couldn't be arsed), and the two of you collectively squeaked and apologized at the same time. Adorable. Fascinating. Beautiful. He hasn't felt this way ever since the time he xaight the glimpse of the shiny Excalibur in that stupid rock.

The lunch horn has been blown. He's been told that today's meal would be freshly baked bread and creamy chicken with wild rice soup. There’ll be tea and coffee for the drinks.

Price wishes his lunch would just be you.

[dumpywrites]

Knocked Out - Jeon Jungkook

Prompt: Watching a concert is fun, until you get knocked out by the idol's mic.

Prompt request: HERE

Genre/tags: Fluff, idol Jungkook, fan reader, drabble-ish, they have language barrier

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

a/n: After watching "Are you sure?!" I can't help but to make this. Jungkook trying to talk in english is just the most precious :')

The long awaited 2025 reunion. It was finally time to attend your dream concert. You had been saving enough money and the time was now for you to see BTS live right before your eyes. 

The first time seeing your favorite group had to be special. You were dressed up in light purple colored tee and a frilly white bottoms. You even had some cute Tata and Cooky plush charms hanging on your bag. You didn’t spend that huge stack of front line festival just to not look fun and eye catching. Even though your friend kept telling you that dolling up wouldn’t get your bias to notice you, you couldn’t care any less. Today was not the day to pretend and being a pick-me trying to not act like you were not an army. 

The gates were finally open, waiting for hours and not buying that one cool looking shoes you saw at the mall finally paid off. Your heart was racing at the view of the stage so up and close to you. Just imagining finally seeing seven of them in 3D was making you go crazy. Pun intended. 

The concert went fantastically great. You were singing, jumping, and dancing along to each and every song they performed. You cried during Spring Day and shouted your lungs out during Fire. Your friend was right though, it was almost their last song and so far, you had zero major interactions besides them waving to your direction, which could be directed to you and many people in your area. 

Dynamite was playing and the show had reached its final list, an encore. Confetti was everywhere, the members could be seen having fun, teasing each other. Jimin and Hobi were having a dance off, while Taehyung and Suga hyped them up from behind. You could see RM still rapping his verse, while Jin was busy taking fans’ phones to give them selfies. 

Then there came Jungkook, he somehow was running in full speed to the front of the stage, before jumping down to greet the fans bellow. Everyone was going mad, trying to get his attention. At this point, you were squeezed since he was in fact, right in front of you, but you were too busy getting lost in his eyes. You still could not believe this man was real and he was performing this close to you. 

You had always knew that Jungkook was a strong guy. You had watched enough of his random lives to know that the man loved working out. That was why you were not so surprised that you got knocked out when he wanted to point his mic to the crowd’s direction, but instead, accidentally battered you right in your forehead.

The next thing was quite a blur. You recalled seeing Jungkook’s eyes went even bigger than it already was, which you did not know was even possible, and then everyone around you shouting, the world was spinning before it faded to black. 

You expected to wake up in your house, but instead, you woke up to an all white room, obviously a hospital. You could see your friend running to your direction with a worried expression, as soon as she saw you getting your consciousness back. 

“Oh my god! How are you feeling?! Anything hurt? How’s your head? Can you remember me???” 

“Girl, relax…” You chuckled. “I’m fine, just a bit dizzy. What happened though?”

“Jungkook knocked you out cold with his mic.” She couldn’t hide the grin on her face. “I’d say you’re lucky, but on second thought, maybe not.” 

“Geez…” You held your head with your palm. “How did I get here?”

“You were immediately taken to hospital. One of the staff told me that Jungkook insisted this, because apparently, the management originally only wanted you to get checked by their medic team.” She said with admiration in her face. “That’s so kind of him, don’t you think?”

“I guess…” You couldn’t help but to feel giddy, even though you knew it was normal for him to react that way considering the situation. “I’m glad it happened during encore though, if not I would’ve ruined the show.” 

Your friend chuckled. “I’m just glad you’re okay. I’ll let the doctor know, wait just for a second…”

Not long after your friend left the room, you could hear a knocking sound from the door. Thinking it was your friend and the doctor, you quickly told them to come in. 

Lo and behold, Jeon Jungkook himself. 

To say you were shocked would be such an understatement. Were you dreaming? Maybe he hit your head too hard and made you hallucinating. Also, that white t-shirt was definitely emphasizing his wide shoulders. You could be biased but he looked way way way better in his casual attire.

“H-Hi!” 

Lord have mercy the man just spoke. 

“Am I dreaming???” You impulsively said, still looking at him in disbelief. 

Jungkook chuckled, shaking his head. “No.”

He fidgeted his fingers together, before moving closer to your bed, making sure to have an appropriate distance between the two of you. “I was gonna ask for translator, but it don’t feel right… I want to uh… apologize alone.”

Your heart melted at how sincere he looked. Despite the slight language barrier, he still tried his best. 

“It’s okay, I forgive you.”

“But I hit you very hard…” He looked down. “That’s not okay.”

“It was an accident.” You smiled. 

“Not okay.” He shook his head. “I’m really sorry!” 

He bowed his head to you. Knowing a bit about Korean culture, you knew what a ninety degrees bow was and what it meant. 

“Jungkook! It’s fine!” 

He lifted his head and sighed. “But you’re like this…” 

“I am perfectly fine right now.” You giggled. Funny how you could feel the nervousness slowly getting lifted.

He suddenly offered you his hand. You froze for a second, just processing on why you could see your idol’s hands near you let alone he himself offering it to you. 

“Jeon Jeongguk.” 

Oh? “No offense, but I already know. I’m quite literally your fan.” You giggled, but then offered your hand back for a handshake, after mentioning your name to him. 

He laughed. Honestly, what a sight. You almost wished to get hospitalized forever if that meant this view being a regular occurring thing. 

“Thank you for coming, you really don’t have to.” You said after he let go of your hand. “I might never get the chance again, so I’m just gonna say this now. Thank you for existing, you really don’t know the impact of you and your music in my life. BTS basically helped me get through the worst moments of my life, and to that I’m forever grateful…”

“I’m glad.” He flashed you a genuine smile. 

You knew the language made him reply in such short sentence, but he didn’t need to say more as his eyes and smile could already tell you how happy he looked hearing your words. 

“I have a request.” You suddenly said. 

He tilted his head at you and voiced a small “huh”. 

“Can I hold your hand?” You quickly reasoned as soon as the sentence left your mouth. “I’m not taking advantage of the situation, I swear! It’s just… your hands are shaking.” You looked at him with worry. 

“Oh!” He nervously laughed. “Sure, you can.”

Although anxious, you carefully placed your hand above his, patting it softly. He gave you a smile again before surprising you by holding your hand. You started wondering what country did you safe in your past life for this to happen. 

“Better?” Obviously, you were blushing like crazy at this point. 

He nodded. “Yup.” 

“Alright.” As much as you didn’t want to, you then withdrew your hand. 

“I have to go now, staff is waiting…”

“Right.” You quickly replied. “Send them my thanks too, okay?”

He nodded vigorously, before giving you a salute, which made you laugh. 

Although sad, you had to see him exited the door. You were lucky enough anyway for that to even happened. 

Just a few minutes later, your friend finally came back with the doctor. You get checked, and after they declared you healthy, you were good to go. You didn’t leave the room before rubbing in your friend’s face on how unlucky of her that Jungkook himself just showed up while she was away. She got you back with mentioning the blue-ish bump on your forehead, and now you could never erase it from your memory that Jungkook had to see you like that. 

You were ready to leave the hospital before someone stopped you at the door. 

“I was told to give this to you.” A nurse handed you a piece of folded paper, before politely bowing her head and left. 

The shock you felt upon reading the note almost sent you back to the hospital room. 

Let’s keep in touch! Please? :)

—Jungkook <3

Both of you and your friend shriek in excitement, especially after seeing the small phone number written on the down corner of the paper. It was confirmed. You had officially used up all your luck for the rest of the year. Maybe five or ten because how unreal this was. 

It was a beginning of something exciting and you couldn’t wait to see what was stored for you in this journey. 

Thank you for reading! 💜💜💜

[sheepispink]

Hesitancy ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི COD MASTERLIST

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི Lt ghost x baker, civilian!reader

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི fluff, hurt/comfort, slight angst, reassurance

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི Chapter 7 of Sweet as Sugar series

a/n: currently posting this half delirious at like 3 in the morning. #very confused and want to sleep but i cant. Its ok, enjoy chapter guys thanks u

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——————

A few slight problems had occurred whilst Simon was on deployment, the biggest one being that you had completely forgotten he even went.

For two days you waited patiently for him to arrive, starting to grow more and more upset until your father reminded you, saying he saw him off. You couldn't exactly be mad—he did warn you he’d be going—but it was just so incredibly boring when he couldn't even text you. So you waited; for the first week you managed to fend it off, the second was a little harder and by the third you were debating whether you should join the army. Cleaning up your shop just didn't feel right without him there with you; it was like missing a piece of your heart. You thought you were going crazy, you’ve never missed someone like this before—not that there was anyone to miss usually. But this, it was an unbearable ache in your chest, and you were starting to worry this was some kind of dangerous attachment.

He has returned now, and has kindly texted you to confirm that thus unintentionally quelling the turmoil in your chest. What were you supposed to say though? That your thoughts have been filled with him since he left? You weren't exactly sure if he was even interested in you too— what if he only saw you as a friend? Men of his job were not exactly known for their affectionate sides, and you couldn't help but believe you’d be asking too much of him to be a person like that for you. Especially with the way your heart thumps, he probably thinks you're insane with your attachment— you’ll only drive him away at this rate.

On the other hand, Simon still hasn’t sent the message.

In fact, he’s staring at your texts right now as he lays back in his bed. It’s almost two am, another barrage of memories had shaken him from any traces of sleep he had attempted to get today, and almost as if instinct, he reached for his closest connection to you. This message seemed impossible to send though. Not because he didn’t want to, but for some reason he was slightly scared. He wanted to do this the right way, make sure this all went smoothly, and you didn't feel pressured in the slightest— hell he’d be caught off guard if he received that text. Though, now something else concerned him even more than that; it could end up ruining everything if he didn’t try to understand and fix the issue straight away.

You were acting weird, in a way that was really different. He didn't feel like he was allowed to interfere, to demand an answer for your shift in behaviour but in a way he owed it to you. If you weren't doing okay, he wanted to know; especially after your fathers words, he had to try to help. For the past two days you were far less chatty than usual, only giving him a few stray answers that don't really represent yourself like your responses usually do. In a way, you reflected the subject back onto him, like you’re afraid of talking about yourself even a smidgen. From excitable first texts, you now only responded to his, rather than bringing up your usual random thoughts. It reminds him of someone being restricted to speak, like they shouldn't speak. He’s all too familiar with that notion: keeping quiet since you know too much, afraid of an interrogation and the enemy destroying everything you didn't know you loved until you’re hanging by nothing but your efforts, watching your vision fade.

He blinks the gruesome image away, pushing himself up to a sitting position as he rubs the deadweight beneath his eyes with the roughness of his palm, groaning. Not everything was as serious as an interrogation and torture; he knew there was no way you could possibly be anxious like that, but still, the thought of you feeling uneasy around him was the worst thing to imagine. It was different, really different, to know someone outside the cruel reality he lived with. You had no idea the extent his enemies would go to, the people they’d exploit just for an ounce of power—how unforgiving the people in this world would be. And so, you were free. There you went, not bothering to think twice when someone had a photo of your face and unbothered when a customer whispers into their phone. Most importantly, you were so incredibly kind to anyone who came in, allowing them a little piece of your heart.

He wasn't jealous, no, Simon knew well the man he’d become when he put on the mask. In a way, he felt like he could talk to you more—you always had so many things to speak about. With the other soldiers here it was the typical topics; missions, intel, nightmares all the time, and whilst he wasn't bored by his comrades, he sure was far more interested in what you had to say. In a way, you were his little slice of life, telling him about the latest movies that came out, some crazy scandal or something as simple as a new crisp flavour you were fond of. When was the last time he cared about a band going on tour? Probably never, but he sure did now, searching for any tickets available for all your favourites. This was more than a breath of fresh air, nor a turn of a leaf—no you had peeked into his dreary life, with your wide grin and excitement, brightening his life enough for his heart to feel aches for different reasons.

His team’s lucky it’s Saturday, else he would’ve cancelled his last evening training to take the drive down to the little Welsh town he now only associated with you. It doesn't take him long to drag himself through his tasks for the day before eventually taking that drive down the winding road to where your bakery is. It’s right on the corner of the little plaza that’s been growing livelier as the cold starts to fade out again.

You’re wiping down the tables, almost closing time since you close early to pack up for Sunday. The bakery isn't open then, used for preparation for the week ahead even though your parents usually handle that. He pushes the door open, the bell jingling above the door as your sweet voice calls out to him as per usual. “Sorry, we’re closed right now—” You begin, before promptly lifting your head, eyes widened in surprise when you realise it’s him standing there and not a customer trying to get a last minute coffee.

”Oh—Simon..?”

Lord, he can't stand the way you visibly stiffen when you see him, trying to push out the thoughts running in his head to interrogate you, unable to grapple with the idea of having information not in his grasp. No, this needs to be taken carefully, but still— are those dark circles beneath your eyes?. So he was right,something is on your mind that needs to be let out.

“You need a break, don’t you?” He walks over to you, gently reaching for your sleeve and giving you plenty of time to back away if you so wish. “C’mon, we haven't talked in a while.” His voice is gruffer than it should be, and he can tell it catches you off guard as well, since you’re more accustomed to his calmer demeanour. It’s not Simon’s fault; he can’t help it when you’re clearly running your mind into the ground thinking too hard. “It’s not.. I—”

You try to argue but follow along without much reluctance, watching as he walks behind the counter to grab your coat, slipping it firmly over your shoulders before buttoning it up. Once he’s sure you’re warm, he leads you out, locks the bakery door with the keys he knows you keep in your left pocket, and continues to squeeze your wrist as he leads you towards a nearby restaurant. Wordlessly he seats you at a secluded table, before moving towards the counter. Your favourite soup is placed before you whilst he holds his usual black coffee, angling his chair towards you as he leans his elbows on the table. Every move of his is calculated, unintentionally too, attempting to make himself look all the more intimidating, so the victim gives in easily. “You’ve been acting strange recently, what’s wrong?” Just from his tone you can clearly tell he’s raising an eyebrow at you and you cannot help but crumble beneath his gaze, hands fidgeting awkwardly on the table as your eyes flicker between the soup and him.

“It’s really stupid… but i.. I had a bad dream.” That makes his curiosity peak, his chair scraping the tiles as he shifts a little bit more.

“A nightmare?” He probes, confused by your words and how it could affect your actions.

“Of a sort..” your fingers continue to intertwine together absentmindedly, nervous and slightly intimidated.

“I dreamt that you.. You got angry and shouted at me—” You begin, and he cuts you off, a pit of guilt sinking deeper into his gut as the words ring through his head.

He was stupid to think for a second that someone as messed up as he was could be anything of use to a sweet girl like you. He’d only ruin your life, make you hurt in ways you shouldn’t because if he was just normal, like everyone else, you wouldn't be terrified of that. “Hey, listen..”

You quickly cut him off, hands frantically waving in the air as you shake your head quickly. “Wait!” He hadn't let you finish your sentence and your squeak made him stop, letting you finish. “I was rude to you, in the dream. I snapped at you, and even when you tried to help I just grew worse.” You let out a long groan, hiding your face in your hands as you sit there and sniffle pitifully.

“You snapped at me? You could scream at me, I wouldn't care.” He says, confused and still convinced you’re afraid of him shouting and even potentially getting physical with you. He knows he doesn't look like a saint, especially since he allowed you small glimpses of his scarred face. Likewise, he just hopes it’d never come to this, for him to continue the cycle the men in his ancestry began.

“That's the problem.. I feel like I’m deceiving you— like I'm being so nice, and you think I'm that perfect person all the time. I can just get so irritable sometimes, and I won't explain why to you, and then I'll hurt you.”

His throat bobs softly as he swallows, starting to see that you have somehow stemmed from a similar branch of his. Although his was rougher, perhaps he was too stupid to think only he could experience guilt like this. A rose could have just as many thorns as a vine, it seems. His gloved hand gently tugs your chair closer to him, thankful for the fact practically no one is near your table. “It isn't fair on you— for me to act like that..” You mumble out, knowing it sounds silly compared to the things he probably deals with on the daily. But in reality, he had perhaps pressured you too much with his own glittery perception of you, unintentionally undermining your struggles.

“It was a dream for a reason, love; it won't come true.” He hums, gently pinching your cheek between his thumb and index, loving the way your lips purse so softly as you look up at him and he drops his hand again.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Well..” He starts, taking a sip of his coffee as he slings an arm loosely around the back of your chair and brushing your shoulders in turn. His eyes glancing off into the lights beyond the windows that decorate the trees with tiny sparkles. “You just warned me now, didn't you? So, now I know that you get a bit snappy when you’re overwhelmed and I can accommodate for that. You’re not some villain for that. It’s called communication, sweetheart.”

You blink up at him, probably expecting him to call you crazy for not being able to control yourself all the time like he did, and well everyone in your life.

“So, I can just tell you all my flaws.. And you won't mind? Even though I still get anxious crossing busy roads?” He chuckles at that, rubbing your shoulder with the palm of his hand and nodding, unbelieving that you thought he’d only turn you away.

“Yes, of course you can. I’ll even tell you one of my own. Military life can be a little unpredictable.. y'know? So I’m often shaken awake at two am and I have a feeling I might end up randomly texting you at that time..I don't expect you to wake up and reply, so don't even think about killin’ your sleep for me.” He chuckles as your lips part in surprise; then again, even he didn't expect he’d find solace in his nightmares just from your menial discussions. You’d laugh alongside him when he complained about the crappy rations, or even when he told you about something stupid he was thinking about. He tells you about some good movies he had watched, only because Soap forced him to, and you give him some recommendations of your own; though not before watching his that night, and giving your own opinions. It’d been a while since he’d even opened up with someone, and you made it feel okay.

“If it's on a weekend, I’ll wake up. It won't bother me, promise. If it’s not, I’ll reply first thing in the morning, okay?”

You’ll argue with him, but he still does really believe you’re the perfect person despite some stupid flaws you think you have. But of course, you seem to take them pretty seriously so he’ll do the same. It’s weird how you suddenly make him feel better about his own worries about himself too, the usual ache in his chest dissipating just a smidge. “Well how about you finish that soup before it gets cold, hm? I have a feeling there are a few more things you have on your mind and I think it’s about time someone helps you sort them out.”

—————-

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Taglist:

@hidden-treasures21 @bieberismysoulmate @gallantys @tessakate @galactict3a @krispymagazinepizza-blog @silas-aeiou @kupids-arrow @enfppuff @oydan @keytofu @vogueprincess

[spr1ngtweaks]

In what ways can we annoy 👁️ 📺 the doctor once he's comfortable having us around?

Since he's always watching us and his minions loves us more than him, I think it's only fair that he receives our rebellious bratty affections too

For science of course ✨

Oh, absolutely. If The Doctor is going to haunt every screen, command an army of little gremlins, and act like a smug, untouchable mastermind, then it’s only fair that we annoy the hell out of him in return. After all, what’s the point of being his “favorite” if we don’t make him suffer a little?

So, for science, here are some of the best ways to mess with The Doctor once he’s comfortable having you around:

1. Name His Minions Stupid Things

The Critters? You nickname them like they're Pokémon.

“This one’s Greg. That one? Mr. Chompers. Oh, and this little guy? He's my emotional support nightmare.”

The robotic bodies? You give them absurd names based on their appearance.

“Hey, Steve! Get over here!”

The Doctor: “They are NOT named—”

“Shhh, Steve is speaking.”

Bonus: If you call one of his bodies “Blinky” because of the eye on the screen, he will stop talking to you for an hour out of pure spite.

2. Purposely Misquote Him

Any time he says something intimidating, twist his words into something embarrassing.

The Doctor: “You cannot escape my sight.”

You: “Aww, so you admit you’re obsessed with me?”

The Doctor: “THAT IS NOT—”

Bonus: Do it in front of his minions so they start believing it.

3. Stare Directly Into the Nearest Camera and Make Awkward Eye Contact

Since he’s always watching, just… stare.

Don’t blink.

The Doctor: “What are you doing?”

You: “Just making sure you’re still there, buddy.”

Extra points if you slowly inch closer to the camera like a horror movie character.

Even MORE points if you whisper:

“Can you feel me staring into your soul?”

“Boo.”

"Guess what? I unplugged that camera. You're talking to NOTHING right now."

4. Draw Silly Faces on His Screens

If there’s a dusty screen, draw a dumb face on it.

If he possesses a monitor, immediately draw a mustache on it.

The Doctor: “Remove that atrocity immediately.”

You: “Sorry, can’t hear you over how handsome you look with this curly mustache.”

5. Pretend You Can't Hear Him When He's Talking Through a Bad Speaker

If his voice glitches out or sounds weird over an old speaker, pretend you can’t understand.

The Doctor: “—ou under—tand me?”

You: “What? I think you said something about spaghetti?”

The Doctor: “No, I sa—”

You: “Did you just ask me to unplug you? Got it.”

The Doctor: “CEASE.”

6. Replace His Intimidating Dialogue With Cutesy Nicknames

The Doctor: “You are mine.”

You: “Okay, possessive much, Snugglebug?”

The Doctor: “…WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?”

You: “I said, ‘Okay, Professor Cuddles, chill.’”

7. Hug His Minions Right in Front of Him

The Nightmare Critters already love you. Show them extra affection just to rub it in.

Hug one of the robotic bodies and go, “Wow, you’re so much nicer than your creator.”

The Doctor: “…Excuse me?”

You: “Shhh. Steve is my best friend now.”

Bonus: If you pet Yarnaby like a cat, it will immediately vibrate aggressively in approval.

8. Keep Saying “What’s the Magic Word?”

Any time he orders you to do something, act like a strict kindergarten teacher.

The Doctor: “Move to the next room.”

You: “What’s the magic word?”

The Doctor: “…Obey.”

You: “Nope, try again.”

Extra chaos: Make him say “please” in the most reluctant, soul-crushing tone possible.

9. Randomly Poke the Nearest Camera

Whenever you pass a camera, just boop it.

The Doctor: “…Stop that.”

Boop.

The Doctor: “I said STOP.”

Boop.

(He eventually shuts the camera off just to make you stop.)

10. Throw Something at One of His Bodies and Blame it on the Minions

You: [chucks a random item at his robot body]

The Doctor: “What was that?”

You: “Uh… Yarnaby did it.”

The Doctor: “That is the least believable lie I have ever heard.”

Yarnaby: [Vibrates aggressively, confirming guilt.]

11. Walk Into a Room and Say “I Know What You Did” Without Any Context

Doesn’t matter what he’s actually doing. Just say it.

The Doctor: “…”

You: “Yeah. I saw that.”

The Doctor: “…Elaborate.”

You: “You know what you did.”

Bonus: Do this while looking directly at a camera, then leave the room without another word.

12. Pretend You Found His “Secret Diary”

You: “So, I found your diary.”

The Doctor: “I do not KEEP a diary.”

You: “Really? Then who wrote ‘Dear Diary, today my minions ignored me in favor of my human and I felt deeply betrayed’?”

The Doctor: “…You INSOLENT—”

13. Leave Sticky Notes on His Screens with Passive-Aggressive Messages

“Your eye looks extra evil today. Good job!”

“Blink once if you have emotions.”

“Reminder: Stop being ominous for five minutes challenge (failed).”

“If you kill me, who will annoy you?”

14. Mess With His Voice Recordings

If he ever leaves an audio log, alter it.

Edit his voice so he sounds adorably squeaky.

The Doctor: “WHO DID THIS?!”

You: “Oh wow, your voice sounds SO CUTE. You should keep it.”

15. Summon Him Like a Ghost

Stand in a dark hallway.

Look into a broken screen.

Say “Doctor, Doctor, Doctor” like it’s Bloody Mary.

The nearest screen flickers to life.

The Doctor: “WHAT are you DOING.”

You: “Summoning you.”

The Doctor: “…I hate you.”

[mallyreallylikesjinx]

Like Yanderes ( Jayce, Viktor, Vi and Jinx ) reacting to the reader always being desired by other people, to the point where people flirt with the reader?

Of course, because of the amount of characters I'm doing headcannons <3

TW: Possessive behavior, jealousy, manipulation, violence

ﾟ⚛︎. If we’re talking about season one Jayce I can see him being cool with it, as I generally see him as a more laid-back type of yandere.

ﾟ⚛︎. He’s aware you’re hot, he has eyes. That's not to say he's pissed, but he's pissed inside.

ﾟ⚛︎. "Yeah, my lover is so hot! And they have an amazing personality! I'm just so lucky, aren't I?"

ﾟ⚛︎. Doesn't matter if you're not dating, you're still his. Don't forget that.

ﾟ⚛︎. I think we forget that Jayce is basically the Elon Musk of Piltover, he has money. So I can also see him paying off someone to never talk to you again.

ﾟ⚛︎. Now Jayce in season two is a completely different story.

ﾟ⚛︎. He's already lost pretty much everything to Hextech and he is NOT about to lose you to some random guy.

ﾟ⚛︎. Due to his SLIGHTLY deterred mental state he's not above killing anyone who flirts with you. The giant war hammer isn't just for show after all.

𝜗𝜚. Viktor is a pacifist at heart.

𝜗𝜚. I can't particularly see him hurting anyone who flirts with you, but they are getting a look that can kill a whole Noxian army.

𝜗𝜚. Once the whole flirting fiasco is over he makes sure to guilt you into feeling horrible for even giving the guy the time of day.

ᯓ★ For first time offenders Vi lets a lot of things slide. But she still needs to get the "fuck off" message across. So she'll fully make out with you, no matter where you are.

ᯓ★ Like Jayce she'll throw something in along the lines of "Yeah MY girlfriend is amazing and MINE." And hopefully that's all she has to do.

ᯓ★ If they don't get the message, then she's throwing hands.

ᯓ★ After the fight, that she effortlessly won, she tries to twist it so you think that she's the hero in this situation.

ᯓ★ "Calm down, Y/N. You don't know Zaun like I do. He was going to hurt you. Strangers don't really just come up to people like that down here."

꩜ .ᐟ Completely riots.

꩜ .ᐟ She has trust that you wouldn't leave her for someone else, but she didn't think Vi would leave her either. And look how that turned out.

꩜ .ᐟ To give Jinx some credit, she tries to keep her cool. It's just difficult when that guy is so close to you, and talking so much, and having all your attention. And oh look she shot him! Silly her, right?

꩜ .ᐟ Brushes it off, and if you don't she gets hysterical.

꩜ .ᐟ "'M sorry...'M sorry.." She mutters endlessly, "Forgive me. Please. Don't leave."

[novamariestark]

back again with another hank request 😅

the reader gets into a bar fight with some random girl that’s talking shit about hank and their relationship, so the reader feels like she needs to defend him. the bartender instead of calling the cops, just calls hank. hank comes in and is kind of laughing to himself a little bit as he just effortlessly throws the reader over his shoulder and is like “alright slugger time to go home” or something like that.

Army - Hank Voight

Summary: No one talks shit about your man. Simple.

Warnings: None?? Except bad writing? 🤣

Word count: 1109

Fandom: Chicago P.D

Pairing: Hank Voight x Reader

Molly’s was buzzing with energy, as it usually was at this time. People like you, who had either a successful day at work and wanted to celebrate, or a stressful day and wanted to drink it away, filled the bar. This, however, was your usual habitat at this time—not because you were stressed or celebrating, but because it gave you something to do while waiting for your boyfriend, Hank Voight. He usually worked late, and you’d come here to kill time until he could swing by and pick you up.

You were nursing your drink at the bar, half-listening to the background noise when you overheard a voice mention your boyfriend’s name, followed by a sentence that made your blood boil.

"Must be nice dating a guy who can make all your problems disappear…"

You froze, the words echoing in your ears as the rest of the noise in the bar became nothing but a backtrack. The woman sitting a few seats down didn’t even bother to keep her voice low, her friends laughed along with her. Your eyes narrowed in her direction, glaring daggers into the back of her head which was covered in fake blonde hair and cheap extensions. Your hands clenched tighter around your drink as you thought about ripping them out her head.

Behind the bar, Gabby, who had been putting freshly cleaned glasses away, caught the conversation and saw the storm brewing in your eyes. She sighed, already knowing where this was headed. She placed the last glass on the shelf before stepping away from the bar. Gabby slipped her phone out of her pocket and quickly dialled her brother.

"Oh yeah," another one chimed in, laughing quietly, "I bet she pays him back for those favors. You know, in her own whore way. I mean that’s the only reason he’s with her."

They both giggled, sending a smug glance your way. And that was it. They had just dropped a match over a pool of gasoline. Your grip on your glass tightened as you slowly turned in your seat.

You tilted your head, giving her a slow, dangerous smile. "I’m sorry, I was too busy daydreaming about ripping out your crappy extensions. What did you just say?"

The first woman leaned back, tossing her hair over her shoulder with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. "You heard me. Come on, it’s Voight. Everyone knows the guy bends the rules. I’m just saying, must be nice to have all your messes cleaned up for you. I’m sure you find ways to thank him for that."

Your vision blurred red. "You don’t know a damn thing about him or me."

"Oh please," she scoffed, "Everyone knows he gets his hands dirty, and you just smile and reap the benefits. Well… we also know you do a little more than just smile."

Your pulse pounded in your ears as you slammed your drink down and stood up.

"Say that again. I dare you."

The woman blinked at your challenge, clearly not expecting you to bite back so directly. Her lips curled into a smug grin as she leaned forward, her eyes locked on yours.

"I said," she began slowly, "everyone knows you’re just Voight’s little sidepiece, riding his coattails. And when things get messy—" she paused, glancing at her friends, who were snickering like schoolgirls, before her eyes found yours again, "—he cleans it all up. But we all know you do more than just sit pretty. Bet he’s got you on your knees thanking him every time."

Your heart pounded in your chest, the blood rushing to your ears as the last bit of your restraint snapped. You could practically see yourself launching at her, your hands in her fake blonde hair, dragging her off her stool.

Behind the bar, Gabby had moved out of sight, her phone pressed to her ear as she muttered something, "Hey, it’s me," Gabby said quietly. "Let Voight know his girl’s about to take someone’s head off."

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. Your fists clenched so hard your knuckles turned white. The woman raised an eyebrow, as if daring you to do something. "Oh, what? You gonna hit me?" she mocked, getting more giggles from her friends who maybe had one braincell between them.

You didn’t even think twice as your fist flew forward, landing squarely on her jaw. The shock in her eyes was priceless, but it was quickly replaced by a furious scowl as she stumbled back into her seat.

"Whoa, Y/N!" Gabby shouted, starting to rush around the bar, but you were already past the point of no return.

The woman recovered quickly, lunging at you with a wild swing. You ducked, avoiding the slap by inches, and shoved her back, sending her crashing into the table behind her. Her friends were still laughing, egging her on, which only fueled your anger more. You were ready to go at it again, fists clenched and teeth gritted.

And then you felt a strong arm wrap around your waist, lifting you effortlessly off your feet. Before you could even register what was happening, you were hoisted up and over someone's shoulder effortlessly.

"Alright, slugger, that’s enough for tonight." A deep, familiar voice told you.

You blinked down and found yourself looking at the back of Hank Voight’s leather jacket as he carried you toward the door, his grip firm but gentle.

"Put me down, Hank!" you growled. He just chuckled as you squirmed slightly in his grip, "Hank, come on, let me at her just for a second," you pleaded, your eyes narrowing back toward the bar.

Once you were outside, he put you down on your feet. Hank shook his head, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. "You already gave her a taste,"

“But,” you said, gesturing back to the bar, intending to plead your case as to why he should let you back in there to smack the taste out that bitch’s mouth.

Hank grabbed your hand, placing a soft kiss to the back of it before leading you towards his car, “No buts,”

You sighed, knowing full well he wasn’t going to let you go back, so you just snuggled into him as you walked. Your right arm moving to hug his, your chin resting on his smooth leather covered shoulder.

“I’ve still got some paperwork to do, can I trust you not to start a fight with Rusek?”

You smirked, leaning in closer to kiss the skin just below his ear, “I don’t know, maybe you’ll have to handcuff me,”

“Don’t tempt me, beautiful,”

[witchthewriter]

𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐒𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐑𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐊𝐨̈𝐧𝐢𝐠

⤷ gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!  

a/n: not a poly relationship - I just decided to have them both in one post. Let me know if you want more xx Also I went through the tags for these guys and there is nothing but SMUT. So I wanted some sweet sfw headcanons for the boys

Warnings: swearing, nsfw included (no one under 18 please).

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ | ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ ᴵᴵ

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿

INTJ

Ravenclaw

Neutral Good

Scorpio Sun, Capricorn Moon, Virgo Rising

𝐒𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐑𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐲/𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭

・This man is fucking dangerous behind the wheel. And although he is a hot-head occasionally, it isn't when he's driving.

・Simon knows he's shit, so when people honk at him, give him the finger - he just stone-faces it. Let's them berate him because really, he doesn't fucking care.

・However he has lost his licence a few times ... and so you told him he could be your &lt;3 passenger princess <3

・Simon wasn't amused ...

・Very much the protective type, verging on possessive. Not in an abusive way, but he wants everyone to know that you're his. So when anyone flirts with you - or even when they're a little too nice, his jealousy consumes him.

・Scary dog privledges, with and without the mask. This man is intimidating as fuck.

・6'4, wide shoulders and big hands, so it doesn't matter how you look, how tall you are etc - Simon is bigger, taller and stronger.

・Yes he can be a hardass, but when he loves someone, that roughness is somewhat smoothened out. He'd hate to hurt your feelings.

・He only wears his mask to hide his identity; he takes it off when missions are done.

・And when he's home, he rarely wears it.

・Absolutely HATES being jump-scared. And his reflexes take over (you've learnt from the first and last time)

・This goes with random kisses as well, sometimes you just have to make yourself known before touching Simon

・He isn't huge into PDA, but when outside he will gladly hold your hand, bump his shoulder into yours when you make a crappy dad joke.

・The biggest misconception is that he's cold. Well, at work - obviously he is. But at home, with you, he has so much warmth. A lot of life.

・He has great banter. Absolutely has both of you laughing your asses off.

・Calls you "love," "sweetheart," (all in his gruff, chiselled brit accent). And when you're alone, he calls you names like "my love," "hun," "sweet cheeks."

・You're slowly learning about Simon's past, which he shares little by little.

・Too much information and he's scared you might feel overwhelmed and leave him

・There's some deep trauma there, but the army has therapists and everyone gets checked out before they're deemed mentally healthy enough.

・He does want kids, but only after he's done with the military. He would hate to be an absent father in any way. And he wouldn't want you to have that full responsibility.

・A lot of people characterise him as this traumatised man who can barely look after himself. But that is far, faaaaar from the truth. He's very competent. And he eats a LOT. But he also works out (to keep in shape, he actually hates the gym) (also he doesn't expect you to do anything of that stuff. He loves you for you.)

・I also have this headcanon that Ghost/Riley would love Metallica, Slipknot, Black Sabbath etc. It's one of the things that calm him down. However, if he's had an overwhelming day, he needs no noise whatsoever.

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Teases Them (You) x About To End Them (Ghost)

The Moon and His Star

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Opposites Attract

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Say Yes To Heaven by Lana Del Rey

Arsonist's Lullabye by Hozier

Enter Sandman by Metallica

𝑁𝑆𝐹𝑊 🔞 No one under the age of 18 past this point, I bloody mean it. 

・There's almost like two sides of your s/o. The Ghost side, where the mask stays on, and he's rough, possessive, dominant. And then the Simon side, where he likes soft touches and when you gently stroke his face

・You've both discovered that Simon likes it when you wear his mask, gloves - nothing else - and touch yourself.

・Even with your cum juices on the mask, and gloves, he'll still wear them to work.

・It's the only kinky thing he brings with him while on deployment. You did want to take a naked polaroid for him but he didn't trust the other guys not to somehow see it.

・He likes keeping you as separate from army life as much as possible. Because you feel like home, and it gives him hope.

・Ghost loves taming your bratty side. He's short, demanding and can shut you up with one look.

"Keep on actin' like that, and see what happens."

・Of course you keep acting up, and when you get home, you pay for it tenfold.

・Ghost's hands are as big as a paddle, and when he has you over his knee, ass up in the air. He doesn't hesitate in leaving red marks (all consensual. He wouldn't do anything without having a conversation before hand).

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿

ISTP

Hufflepuff

Chaotic Good

Aries Sun, Aquarius Moon, Leo Rising

𝐊𝐨̈𝐧𝐢𝐠

・A 6'10 king, who suffers from social anxiety but has this soft, silly side that he loves showing you and only you (I will take no criticisms on his height. It is LAW. My law.)

・Because of his anxiety, social aspects of life are much harder than work. He's highly skilled in combat, and has a lot of confidence in his abilities to accomplish missions.

・However, when you tried to speak to him, all he could do was stutter.

・You allowed him to get the words out, but he was an absolute mess afterwards and went to go train.

・But this didn't deter you in the slightest. Hell, you had been trying to muster the courage to speak to him for weeks...

・It took a while for Konig to open up about his past, especially his adolescence.

・He's told you the jist of it, but there's details that you don't push him on.

・One of your favourite pastimes together is going to bakeries and eating the most delicious pastries.

・When you're feeling down, or there's something to celebrate, there's no cake but pastries instead

・Doesn't mind animals, but understands that when he's away you will get a bit lonely. So you surprised him by getting a pair of kittens!

・You showed him over video chat, one white kitten and one black.

"I haven't chosen names for them yet, but I thought maybe you could have some input?"

"Schatz! The kittens are cute but you have scratch marks all over your arms!"

"They're very playful!" And then you leant closer to the camera and whispered, "I leave scratches on your back ..." And with an innocent look on your face, you watched as Konig shivered.

・Likes to put you on his lap when he's cleaning weapons, or getting the marks out of his mask or shoes. Okay honestly, he just wants you on his lap all the time. Whatever excuse he can come up with - he'll goddamn use it

・Absolutely loves Kate Bush and Stevie Nicks. He thinks they have such a beautiful sound that you can find him with headphones on, swaying in the bedroom, silently in his feels

・All your pet names are in Austrian/German:

"Schatz", meaning 'treasure'.

"Maus," meaning 'mouse.'

"Liebling" meaning 'darling.'

"Hase" meaning 'bunny'.

"Liebe" meaning 'love.'

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Always Bringing Them Rocks They Think They Would Like (You) x Keeps The Rocks (Konig)

The Gomez & Morticia Adams

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing But At Least I’m Alive, Right? (You) x You’re Doing Great, Sweetie (Konig)

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Hidden Identity & Forced Proximity

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush

The Chain by Stevie Nicks

Dance of the Druids by Bear McCreary (he loves movie scores as well. It's one of his fascinations).

𝑁𝑆𝐹𝑊 🔞 No one under the age of 18 past this point, makes me feel weird if you read it.

・Konig is a bit awkward at first with the sexual interactions you guys have. He does have anxiety, but also, the build up of sexual tension had been going on for months.

・All he had during that time was his hands and the memories of how you looked, the way your eyes met his then flicked downward - almost like you had x-ray vision.

・There was no denying the heat.

・So when you first hooked up it was a fumbling mess of grunting, clothes ripping and fast hands trying to touch and grab at any bare piece of flesh.

・You did have a shocking revelation that first time however. Because this man's cock is not only thick, veiny but nearly 9 inches when he's hard.

・That first time wasn't a true first time as the look on your face told Konig everything - you weren't ready for that part of him ... just yet.

・Loves when you ride his thigh; they're absolutely huge. Just muscled and bulky and the first time you saw them (without the uniform) you audibly gasped.

・His body is absolutely divine

・Like it had been sculpted by the gods. Large biceps, long legs, small waist, large shoulders. His hands wrap your neck perfectly.

・You feel so safe with him.

・And you have to remind him that, because sometimes he worries he could hurt you without meaning to.

"I'm a grown up, Konig. I can handle myself."

"So when are you going to let me fuck you?"

"mmm... I think I still have to get used to that. Maybe we can do fingers first..." (his fingers are ... fucking huge).

[aliciavance4228]

The Iliad: Funny Moments

The year was 850-750 BCE. No phones or underwear in sight. Pants were for the uncivilized only. Unibrows were attractive. And then, one day, Homer decides to write the first Greek Mythology Fanfiction ever, called "Troy Story".

Here is a list of moments from the Iliad which I personally consider to be quite hilarious:

1. Early on in Book 2, before the enormous list of Greek fighters and ships:

Agamemnon tries to motivate/test the army by claiming that he's given up and they're going home. This backfires, as a stampede for the ships ensues.

In response, Athena comes down and gives Odysseus a pep talk. He promptly and unceremoniously takes Agamemnon's scepter out of his hands and runs around brow-beating and occasionally actually beating men who were turning from the fight. It all comes to a head when he takes the scepter and beats the crap out of the Argives' resident disfigured hunchback who was doing nothing but making jokes at the Argive leaders' expense. In fact, the narrative itself stops and mentions that the scene was so hilarious, the soldiers in-story were laughing raucously.

Within Agamemnon's speech, his roundabout method of explaining how badly the Greeks outnumber the Trojans: let's say they have a truce, and each side takes a census, and each group of ten Greek soldiers gets one (male) resident of Troy to pour their wine. "There would be many tens of men lacking a pourer of wine."

2. At one point early in the story Paris steps out among the Trojan soldiers, described as looking like a god, and dares any Greek soldier to come up and face him in battle. Menelaus steps forward to answer the call—and Paris promptly flees back behind his soldiers.

3.Menelaus beating Paris up with his bare hands, while the latter still has his sword. The dramatic way in which it's written makes it a tad more serious, until you remember that Menelaus is choking Paris with the strap of his own hat.

4. Throughout the book, the Greeks continuously throw spears at Hector, but Apollo just deflects them into his charioteer instead, before Hector just picks up another random guy off the battlefield. This happens numerous times throughout the book that it's almost a running gag.

5. The Greeks send an embassy to beg Achilles to come join the fighting again. At first he receives them in friendship, but when he's heard them out, he has Patroclus start passive-aggressively preparing a bed for the only member of the embassy he's invited to spend the night, to signal to the others it's time for them to leave. Thus proving that "it was so nice to see you, but wow, look at the time, we should be getting to bed!" is a tactic Older Than Dirt.

6. When Hera seduces Zeus to distract him, he describes how attractive she is by comparing her with some of the other women he's slept with. It takes about 20 lines in the original Greek.

7. During the battle between the men and gods, Artemis squares up with Hera after her brother decides against fighting Poseidon. You'd think Artemis, the epic huntress and receiver of human sacrifice she is, armed with a powerful bow and fitting the Action Girl trope to a tee would utterly wreck the seemingly frilly, stuck up, less capable Hera. Hera instead chastises Artemis for being a brat biting off way more than she can chew, gives her a verbal tongue lashing before snatching Artemis's bow away before she can get a shot off to give her a lashing with that. Artemis gets wailed on so badly she literally is sent running away crying home to her daddy Zeus.

8. One tangent mentions Hades making a grand entrance at Pylos, only to be immediately shot with one of Heracles' arrows, forcing him to abandon the fight and flee to Olympus to heal. Later, Poseidon makes an earthquake so strong Hades jumps out of his chair in fear that the Underworld will be exposed due to the quake.

9. Early on in the epic, King Priam calls to Helen to explain to him who is leading the Greek army - Agamemnon, Odysseus, Menelaus, etc - because Priam doesn't know who they are. The Greeks have been at war with his kingdom for nine years before this point. One would imagine who had such a role would be at the forefront of his thoughts or that he would at least bother to remember their names, especially since a Pre-Iliad episode had Odysseus and Menelaus before him arguing that Helen be returned.

10. After a long discussion of their ancestries, Glaucus and Diomedes shake hands and exchange armor as a pledge of Sacred Hospitality. The narrator notes that Glaucus got ripped off, because his armor was worth over ten times as much.

11. A wounded Sarpedon thinks he's about to die and begins giving Hector a Bury Me Not on the Lone Prairie speech. Hector, who he'd been arguing with several verses back, runs right past him without answering.

12. The standard heroic epithets being used at incongruous times. Godlike Paris hiding from Menelaus, godlike and enduring Odysseus running away while Diomedes yells at him to come back, Menelaus being called "beloved of Ares" while Ares is trying to get him killed, glorious Ajax the Lesser taking a spill face-first into ox dung...

13. Menelaus is shot and wounded. Agamemnon immediately begins mourning his brother and gets through a whole speech before Menelaus can get a word in edgewise to explain that he's still alive.

Credits: TV Tropes

[centrally-unplanned]

Follow-up to my Fanroad Magazine archival scan post - let's look at some cute 90's anime art! Just random ones that caught my eye:

"Hey, what happened to me!?" As mentioned, this came out before End of Eva did - as such, Asuka & crew really didn't get much of an ending in the TV show. 100% how she would react to watching episode 26, props to our artist (春原てるも/Kasuhara Terumo)

There are just so many "Rei running with toast" pieces, it was clearly a combination of a meme amoung the fans and the theme for the magazine. Love how this one brought marmalade too - never compromise on taste, no matter how late you are.

(The artist's name is "actually, I'm a Shinji fan" btw lol)

I love finds like these - these toast-lugging Rei's are by people who are professional mangaka today! The first is by いちば仔牛/Ichiba Kousei, or "Marketplace Cow" - it ain't their birth name I am sure - and they are a founding member of the doujin circle UGO - which is still going strong! And our second is by (I am 80% sure on this one) うおなてれぴん/Uona Terepin, a quite-accomplished artist who adorably published their first professional work in 1997, a year after this. Their twitter feed is 50% big titty girls and 50% model tanks, absolutely based.

Hot👏Shinji👏Fucks👏, this piece is amazing. What else do I have to say? (緋月れん/Hizuki Ren - maybe, translating Japanese names with no context is hard guys -_-)

This is one of my favourite trends - so Evangelion has a lot of technobabble? And it is very frequently in English. So fans really liked recreating that aesthetic in their art. But in 1996 they didn't have access to like screengrabs from the show or scanned splatbooks on hand? Which meant they just used ~whatever English text they could find - generally newspapers at their university or library. Which means we get Toast Rei splashed on reports of stock indices in the global financial markets, and this beautiful moe-Rei/Asuka looking solemnly out over, uh, some report about housing prices and cholesterol levels? Technobabble indeed! (嶋屋みえ/Shimaya Mei, まなせ貴也/Manase Takaya)

Rei clone army! Adorable. (藤桜智美/Fujisakura Tomomi)

Okay, moving away from Eva, there is in fact a bunch of other properties in here with fanart, but these types stood out to me:

That seinen "Kids on the Street" energy that was peaking in the 90's; fully ~aesthetic. (Keiko Kuyuki)

And to end on a weird note:

One section of the magazine is just a free-for-all of thoughts, and one Yayoi Hirone decided to give us a girl caught in the middle of undressing...alongside a recipe for cooking shrimp. Which, if I am being honest, is a huge improvement over the bullshit they throw on recipes online these days. This is the future we could have had -_-

Anyway, I hope that was fun - if anyone is struck or amused by some of the art in the magazine, I would be happy to see what stood out to you!

[bones4thecats]

Dragon Ball: Super Hero × S/O ; Prompt

Characters: Gamma 1, Gamma 2, and Piccolo Inspired By: Random idea... I guess? A/N: This took a while to write (like three days max) but it was totally worth it. Hope you guys like it! ⚠️ Spoilers/Trigger Warnings for: FLUFFY BRAIN-ROT ⚠️

Disclaimer: Person A -> G.1 S/O & Piccolo / Person B -> G.2 S/O

╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗

╚═════ Gamma 1 ══════════════════════════════╝

🦈 The sound of metallic footsteps made the silent Red Ribbon Army Headquarters bearable to walk around without any fear of a cricket chirping out of nowhere. Not that many members of the re-made group feared much

🦈 Gamma 1 strutted around in search of a specific member of the Army, his S/O. They said they would be coming back by 16:00, or 4:00 pm, from shopping for some things that Dr. Hedo needed for a new experiment. Well, that and some things to spoil the young genius with

🦈 He blinked calmly as he approached their door. The symbols that his S/O had drawn laid popping on the wood. While Commander Magenta wasn't fond of the random drawings around, he had to accept it. Y/N was of amazing use to the Red Ribbon Army, after all

🦈 The door opened as Gamma 1 twisted the handle and pushed it inside. The first thing that caught the Android's eyes was his S/O laying on the bed, knees bent on the side of the mattress while their arms did the same on the opposite side

🦈 You groaned dramatically as Gamma 1 cocked an 'eyebrow', wondering what you were doing laying on your bed in such a way. While you normally did sit or lay in unique manners, this was one of the most unique ones yet for your boyfriend

"Love? Why are you laying down in such a way?" He asked.

🦈 Sitting up as you looked at your boyfriend, he noticed a glaring difference on you. Your face had a slight bruise on the cheek, specifically your right one, which Gamma 1 would plant kisses on daily

"You can't kiss my cheek anymore because even the slightest touch makes it practically stab me in the face with pain. This is what it must feel like to be deprived of everything without consent..." You griped as you buried your face into a nearby pillow.

"Why would you think I wouldn't give you a kiss on the cheek anymore?"

"Like I said!" You drawled. "My bruise is trying to murder me!"

🦈 Gamma 1 sighed, you were always a hint dramatic. It wasn't horrible to the point of sabotaging any relationships you had, but it wasn't the best thing to occur when it came out. Normally having it result in your boyfriend carrying you around in his arms or just holding you as you ranted

🦈 Walking to the top of your bed, Gamma 1 reached and delicately pulled the pillow out from your grasp. It was obvious that you had been crying, as your eyes were puffier with the light now hitting them better

"Sit up." He said, making you shuffle upwards to make room for your boyfriend.

🦈 Thankfully, Dr. Hedo had made beds that sustained the weight of both of the Android twins at once, so you didn't have to worry about any incident when laying down together

"Go ahead and lay down," he continued, "and tell me about the rest of your day. Specifically how that bruise occurred."

🦈 You sighed dramatically with your hand over your head, acting like you were in a drama-centered theater production, and began to rant about your day, from going to the store, being hit in the head by a ball some kids threw accidentally, to having to practically force Dr. Hedo into eating something real quick

🦈 Gamma 1 smiled, his metal-cheeks just barely twitching upwards as you acted out. While many would find this quality annoying, Gamma 1 adored it about you. You were different. He liked that.

╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗

╚═════ Gamma 2 ══════════════════════════════╝

🐳 You were used to your boyfriend, Gamma 2, being a complete idiot. His cockiness usually got ahead of him, resulting in some unfavorable situations to be made

🐳 Gamma 2 was not only having a bad day, but he hadn't been able to see his S/O in over 36 hours! You had been sent out by Commander Magenta to grab some paperwork to sign off a deal with another company and hadn't returned from your miles-long journey to-and-from

🐳 He crashed onto the chair, his feet raising and hitting the ground, making a loud bang echo in the building. The passing soldiers just shrugged and continued on their shifts, weapons raised and guards up

🐳 Gamma 2 groaned as he shifted, trying to bring his knees up to his face to bury into, and it was not going as he planned

🐳 As he kept shifting and trying to bring his knees up into the chair, it was so small that it wouldn't allow anymore room for his feet to rest, which was starting to annoy the powerful-Android

🐳 All of a sudden, the door nearby opened, revealing your form there. Your stoic expression calming Gamma 2 down and making him jump up and fly into you at full-speed

🐳 When he hit your frame to hug you, you mentally thanked Dr. Hedo for adding some enhancements onto your form. He knew that Gamma 2 was an excited fellow and he wanted you to be safe from any kind of danger you faced. You were like the new Android 17 and 18

🐳 Your hair flew back from the pressure of the air before falling back down on your back. Gamma 2 just smiled and clung to your body, asking how you were and how much he missed you

🐳 Blinking as he emphasized his last couple days, you mentally looked a lot differently than you did on the outside. While anyone who passed would've guessed that you were annoyed, a select few (Dr. Hedo and Gamma 1), would know that you were happy to be near your boyfriend

"-And I swear, if I have to listen to another documentary without you suffering by me, I may just combust!"

"Is that so?"

"YEAH!"

🐳 Sitting down in a nearby chair while the Android burrowed his face into your stomach while sitting on the floor, you continued to listen to his dramatic rambles. You could sit here forever listening to his adorable speeches...

╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗

╚═════ Piccolo ═══════════════════════════════╝

🪺 Piccolo trained and meditated all day, when he wasn't watching Pan with you that is

🪺 Your boyfriend and you normally would just sit down and do whatever you wanted. You normally watched something on your phone while Piccolo just meditated, he enjoyed these moments with you dearly

🪺 But the moments you held deeper was when you could finally get underneath his grumpy-exterior

🪺 Take the other day for example. You had a crap day, coming home from dealing with Bulma and Vegeta's aggression for nearly four hours in a 'therapy session'

🪺 You closed the door behind you with your foot and stumbled into the living room, plopping your bag down on the ground next to you as your legs gave out and you collapsed onto the soft sofa that you got for you, Pan, and Piccolo to rest on when babysitting

🪺 The yells of the husband and wife made you groan and try thinking of something else, ranging from the fight you had against Frieza on Old Namek years ago to the newer fight there was against almost every other universe in existence

🪺 Piccolo then walked inside from the backdoor, his larger form caused larger-sounding steps. So, when he took his first plunge into the home, you knew it couldn't possibly be anyone else except for your Namekian lover

🪺 The Namekian stepped inside from the kitchen and he paused when catching sight of you laying face-first into the cushions. He knew what was up, you had been hired by Bulma to help her and Vegeta handle some anger-issues, and even he knew how bad that could be

🪺 You at first pushed it off like nothing, saying you'd be fine and that it'd be nice to hang around your two old friends. Oh, how wrong you must've been...

"Y/N? Are you alright?" He only heard the muffling of your voice coming from the pillows in a reply.

"Lift your head up. I can't understand you when your burying your face six-feet-deep into the cushions of our couch."

🪺 Pulling yourself up from the softer-materials, you looked at Piccolo and groaned, flopping back on the back of the couch that time before ranting about your day

🪺 Piccolo sat down beside you as you spoke. This ranged from how idiotic it was for the married couple of more than 10 years to argue in such a constant manner. Especially when it would seemingly die out and when one person said another word, it'd go right back up in flames

🪺 As your dramatics increased, Piccolo just watched and listened. His large ears slightly twitched as you swapped from acting like Vegeta in the situation to acting like Bulma. Heck, you even put on a blue hat to be the woman and then picked up a nearby large hunk of broccoli to act like the male

🪺 With anyone else, Piccolo would be annoyed and just interrupt with his opinions on the matter. But this wasn't anyone else, this was you. You were his chosen one. You were his one and only, no matter how long either of you lived to be

🪺 So, for now, he'd let you have your fun while he had his

[in1-nutshell]

Hello teacher I'm just resending my request cause I remember you said some of the request you get from other followers disappears and I haven't seen the other request that I have send you when your request box was open

So I took the liberty of myself when your request box was open to copy and paste my requests so here they are

1.) Not too sure where this idea came from but I would like request a (our world buddy again) who happens to have a great fatherly like relationship with Prime Verse megatron who ends up meeting IDW Optimus who actually is her adopted dad he has the papers and data pads to prove everything and Prime megatron and his decepticons decided they were gonna fight IDW Optimus for custody of buddy and it ended somewhere along the line of Prime megatron ended up in the medbay completely unconscious and half of his army traumatized after they found out what an how angry a prime who is a father can really get (technically related to my story)

2.) Don't really know what to think for this one but what about IDW Bots meet G1 bots?

3.) Buddy from our world meet team prime and team megatron from cyber verse world? I would love that interaction

Oh and cyber verse starscream got really attached to her to the point he doesn't like sharing her attention which buddy has no problems with cause she knows why he is the way is. And maybe megatron and sound wave got attached too and devised plans to steal her and keep her the nemesis for a little while cause it's not everyday you meet someone who show so much affection

P.S feel free to write these last cause I know you are busy😃✌

This is a pretty big list, so I went with number 2, minus the Cyberverse part. I don't write for Cyberverse as of now.

Hope you enjoy!

Human Buddy from the real world meeting Team Prime

SFW, Platonic, Human reader

TFP

Buddy was starting to think that maybe the new coffee mixture they had made was really an elixir to travel dimensions.

They didn’t know how hard they hit their head when they saw Wheeljack arguing with Ultra Magnus.

The two bots didn’t even notice the human until they came literally running to Magnus’s pede and hugged him the best they could.

Buddy hugging Magnus’s pede: “If this is a dream I don’t want to wake up!” Magnus nearly jumps feeling the random human hug his pede. Wheeljack looks like he is going to glitch, though he doesn’t know for what reason. Wheeljack: “Hey… umm, kid what are you—” They turned their head so fast Wheeljack was sure that he heard a snap. The human starts running up to him rapidly shaking their fist in excitement: “Wheeljack! I can’t believe I’m actually talking to you! Either that or I may have found the limit of coffee I am allowed to drink.” Ultra Magnus and Wheeljack: “What?” Buddy: “Hey, aren’t you supposed to take me to meet the rest of the team? Isn’t it like, the whole protocol?” Ultra Magnus gives Wheeljack an uneasy look: “You seem to know quite a bit…” Buddy waving their hand: “I’ll explain that later, now, who am I climbing in?!”

When they arrive to the base, they are practically bouncing off the walls.

They are even more excited than when Miko first showed up.

In fact, the new human is excited to meet the kids, Fowler and June just as much as they are excited to meet the bots.

Miko has a taste of her own medicine and feels the need to apologize… someday.

Buddy does calm down when explaining how they know who they are and how they had been through a similar situation like this before.

That leads to more questions, but Buddy refuses to answer them.

Something about ‘Not wanting to mess with the universes’.

Buddy: “Anyways I need to keep you guys from finding out about some spoilers, like Bee’s voice coming back. Team Prime: “WHAT?!” Bumblebee: BEEP!? (MY VOICE?!)” Buddy: “…Rats…”

Optimus does allow Buddy to stay on the base while they wait until they return back home.

Most of the team thinks that another Miko is among them now.

And to a point they are right.

But Buddy also knows when to stop and tries to be useful around the base.

Buddy sweeping the human area. Miko: “This has been the third time you’ve cleaned this place this week. You can leave some stuff around you know?” Buddy still sweeping: “Ratchet finds the mess distracting; I’m just trying to lighten some of the load.” Ratchet, who overhears this now has to rethink his opinion of Buddy.

More respect is earned when they see Buddy football tackle Miko from going into the groundbrigde.

Many hugs are given on what seem like random days.

Those days turn out to be heavier than others and Buddy is always behind the bot ready to hug or do whatever they can to make them feel better.

Smokescreen walks into the base with his doorwings a bit drooped. Buddy running over to him: “Hey Smokes.” Smokescreen puts on a fake smile: “what’s up Buddy?” Buddy patting his pede and giving a genuine smile: “You’re doing great.” Smokescreen just nods because he doesn’t want to cry in front of Optimus. Later… Ratchet still on the main console. Buddy grabbing a blanket and places it nearby. Ratchet: “And what are you doing? You should be in bed.” Buddy: “That’s where you should be too.” Ratchet scoffs and continues working. Buddy: “Don’t think I didn’t see you put back your rations today.” Ratchet stops mid key stroke. Buddy: “I am NOT going to sleep until you get some energon and go to sleep.” Ratchet: “Well then prepare to stay awake for a long time.” Buddy cracking their knuckles: “Bring it! I’ve been awake for 3 days and 3 nights straight during exam week!” Ratchet suddenly worried for Buddy’s health: “…You win this round.” Buddy laughs in sleep deprived.

The bots are wrong to assume that Buddy wouldn’t pull a Miko.

… and now some are considering bringing them out with them.

Buddy fan almost as much as they do with the bots and some cons are now afraid of getting the feral human on them.

But Buddy has also thrown rocks at certain cons out of pure spite.

Buddy throwing some rocks at Breakdown: “SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE AND JOIN US!” Breakdown looking at the human questioning: “What?” Buddy still chucking rocks: “YOU COULD BE A GREAT AUTOBOT WITH YOUR POTENTIAL! BRING KNOCKOUT TOO!” Knockout: “I think this human lost it.” Buddy: “DO NOT LET YOUR MAN GO OUT HUNTING THAT TRAITOROUS SPIDER!” Arcee: “Finally something we agree on.”

[onebizarrekai]

Can we have Ds Randy lore pls pls 😣..

oh my god his lore is absolutely bonkers. have I ever ranted about it. I don't remember.

ya boy randy grows up in a Magic Nightmare Dimension that's meant to be like, a real nursery rhyme. that like, kids are told by their parents that they'll be snatched away into the Nightmare Dimension™ if they misbehave or act out or whatever, except the dimension is real. it's like, horrortale-esque, just without the entirety of horrortale. for some reason randy's name is dino and he works as the abused lumberjack assistant of a blacksmith and he's supposed to be like the most sentient person in the dimension who's the only one who questions his purpose because everyone around him has an innate desire to kill intruders, those being the children that fall into the dimension when they sleep at night.

then JR just, magically finds this extremely specific dimension, kills everyone, except randy because he's "really good at hiding" (amazing) and so randy's just. straight up the only survivor. he lives in this nightmare dimension for years BY HIMSELF and gives company to the children who still slip into it to try and make it less scary for them. and because core frisk is still an element of the story, they show up multiple times, they tell him he shouldn't be alone in a place like this. it takes a bit of convincing because randy is afraid of leaving it empty, but he eventually concedes. and the evil nightmare dimension disappears because it has no more inhabitants.

fast forward, randy, for some stupid reason, wants to do core frisk's job. he's like "I wanna save people from their timelines and give them a place to stay" and core frisk is like "no that's my job, go be a member of society" and randy is so upset that he breaks into the omega timeline's resident avengers tower (I don't know what it is! it's a skyscraper! my brain says it's a random skyscraper!) where they're keeping their experimental Dimension Traveling Fluid. randy splatters it all over his lumberjack axe that he still has for some reason, and you guessed it, tries to do core frisk's job. because this story loves being extremely over the top, randy accidentally rescues a like murderer rapist who hurts people and everyone in the omega timeline is like "oh my god! you bastard!" because apparently this random criminal is the only guy in the history of the omega timeline who's hurt anyone. and core frisk is all like "randy don't ever do that again" and randy is so ashamed and knows that everyone hates him and he just. leaves entirely. because somehow, even though they confiscated his weapon, he breaks BACK INTO THE SKYSCRAPER TO STEAL IT BACK. and core frisk purposefully does not go after him. I don't know. maybe they did it on purpose. maybe it's a mind game and they were trying to get rid of him. who even knows at this point.

and this guy just, he just does whatever for the next however long. my notes just say "he stumbled into JR one day when they had coincidentally rescued a bunch of children from a murder cult". and JR just immediately sees him in the cams, and they're like, who's that guy, so they bring him in, and randy's panicking because these guys killed off his whole universe. and they just put him a cell! for no reason! they're like "he's got classified technology in his weapon" and they throw him in jail, say they're going to "deal with him later" and bunny coincidentally happens to be in the cell next to him because when you are a traumatized baby teen and you're melting down because a bunch of guys in white army suits started killing everyone you know, they put you in a cell. and for some reason randy starts talking to bunny about being free from the cult despite this being way out of his depth, and despite him only knowing what he briefly overheard. and JR has waiting times like a doctor's office so like an hour passes before bunny will say a single word to him. and then like, they just start sort of talking, and there's a guard there, he just stops existing, stops caring that they're talking about breaking out and then some more guys come in and take bunny somewhere else and interrogate randy some more.

and here's the thing. I do not know how they broke out. my notes stop there. I don't know. I think bunny got away and stole his weapon back?? and they escaped together?? that's insane. oh yeah, this is the part where randy is like "I was just passing through" the guards are like "do you have any idea how high the security is here" and it just makes me laugh every single time. why is JR so incompetent. it's just funny at this point.

[whosthere54]

Ok ok ok Royal au Royal au ararararah

now to yap about my Royal au cause I’m normal. (Longer post- I just infodump about my AU basically-)

So what I have in drafts is all mainly brothers or prison duo centric, as if you know my fics I usually write from Icarus’s perspective on things. The main ships I would be focusing on are ghaae, nightingstar, Wolftross, and then prison duo- but I have cameos of all of the cannon ships of course. I’m gonna kind of just go through and explain roles of my main guys tho- so hope you like this as a sort of starting summary? I guess?

Icarus is the crown prince of the gilded kingdom. Basically the other full representative of the overworld who’s not Fable. Basically, they are heir to the throne, have to maintain a public image, help Fable out with royal duties and pretty much prepare to be the next monarch to ensure a smooth transition if “mortal king Fable” passes away. (He can’t die- I’ll get to that maybe- but yknow. God.)

I’ll talk about Isla and things later in this post, so I won’t mention it now- but yeah. Icarus is the only heir to the gilded kingdom.

Centross is Icarus’s bodyguard (yes I’m going down that road for the prison duo content. I’m so unpredictable /silly/sarc/lh) Royal guard? Close enough probably. Which- idk if I have to get into what he does. I think you can assume. Protection stuff. He was a former assassin, having used to work with Enderian. I’m doing a cliche maybe- but- yknow- he was sent to kill Icarus, ended up unable to do so… so now he’s a bodyguard for them instead of going back to Enderian. (There’s probably a promise of mutual protection somewhere- I’m sure Icarus would not have let Fable give them a bodyguard before then, and when he did they’d make it everyone’s problem- instead wanting to prove they could protect themself. There’s something there. Yeah.)

Wolftross is yes a thing, I think they were probably together for a while- maybe not long after he first became a royal guard. At Icarus’s request, he can visit Fenris whenever he wants probably. Easton replaces him when he’s gone (even after he became blind- at Icarus’s request he will continue that role. They trust him- and he’s capable.)

In the one thing I wrote, I gave him end features as well. I’m moreso debating on that- but I think it’d be a cool thing as a byproduct of being one of Enderian’s closest advisors and trusted assasin. Or- I give them to him later when he gets to be god. He gets them at some point- for me.

Rae is the crown prince of the end kingdom- full representative of the end that is not Enderian. I’d think she gives him more freedom than Icarus gets from fable, her being the end mother she is. She did have the same I guess cruel past that she does in cannon- I’m trying to figure out how I’m translating s1 into this AU still, and maybe you’ll get a oneshot of that eventually. Atleast the prison arc- of course. He left the gilded kingdom (either with Isla, or later on his own I have drafts for. But- probably with Isla) and lived with Isla for a bit- she runs for help from soul and things like in cannon and she helps hide them for a bit. Though- Isla ends up having Rae stay with Enderian. She probably stays as long as she can without compermising Rae’s safety, but maybe gets caught by Fable eventually.

Fenris is Rae’s bodyguard. He is a former general for the Nether’s army, just like in cannon. (I have to rewatch some of his lore before confidently talking about how he gets to become Rae’s bodyguard, so I’m sorry I won’t have too much info at the moment <3)

He becomes Rae’s bodyguard later- Enderian probably heard of his reputation as “the wolf” and hired him. (May try to include the wolf arc- but am again, trying to figure out how to integrate it.)

Now- basic plot summary? Something of the sort? Yeah. Some random details too cause I have no one train of thought ever and am just writing whatever I think of down. /lh

So for some backstory- Islas story is basically the same as in lore. But it changes for that bit after Rae was born just to adhere to the different circumstances Royal AU brings to the table. So, Rae grows a bit before Isla takes him and runs in this AU- he’s older, couldn’t tell you how old (age is a lie/silly/j) but just. A child. She notices how he’s being treated by Fable, takes him and leaves. She doesn’t take Icarus. There’s a lot of consideration for that fact- of course there is. Their her child. But- they’re not close, Fable makes sure of that. They spend most of their time with him, and their his heir after all. Their disappearance would be the worst to explain. So she doesn’t take them with her.

She takes Rae, and over the course of a few years- stays in a sort of safe house like in cannon, learns the things she does there, goes to soul for help, all that stuff. But she ends up taking Rae to Enderian, he becomes crown prince. She stays with them until it compromises Rae’s safety. Fable finds her, she doesn’t give away that she’d stayed with Enderian and that stays secret for a long time. Fable finds her, messes with her memories and things (he’s messed with Icarus’s too at this point- probably erasing Rae entirely) end she goes into a coma. He locks her away, Icarus doesn’t even know she’s here- and ends up having no memories of her anyways. Only fable knows where she’s locked away. Some tower in the castle sleeping beauty style probably.

Rae grows up in the end kingdom, Icarus grows up in the overworld.

Rae meets Caspian in the end prison- advocating for his freedom and things. He gets him a place in the end kingdom, and they get together at a peaceful festival in the overworld. That is an annual festival- Rae meets aax and takes her there too. He and Cas talk- and probably end up asking Aax out there too- making a whole day out of it probably. It’s a tradition for them, after all.

Aax lives with Cas, and Rae stays with them on weekends? Mayhaps? Something like that. He’s allowed to visit them whenever.

I like to think maybe Cas helps Athena and Bruin run the bakery on occasion. Bed and breakfast. Idk. Rae is definelty still the taste tester on Aax safe foods. And also a waiter on opening day for multiple reasons- one, it’s funny- two, yknow. Royal press. Media(?) purposes. Yknow what I mean hopefully.

Also- end kingdom I think had parts in the overworld and end? Like- overworld has the stronghold portal as the center and then made a kingdom around that, and then there’s an end part of the kingdom. This was probably a result of a peace treaty Isla had led years before between the realms after the war. Because badass mother deserves it. But to explain that- yeah. I think the Nether doesn’t- but has a trading hub spreading through portals and things. Yknow. Just not kingdom- I think the overworld is still more cold to people from the nether so. No kingdom. But portals can be made anywhere instead of having just one like the end, so that makes sense.

Gilded kingdom is just the biggest kingdom in the overworld areas we know- as Fable is the god of creation. I just have cool ideas for kingdom designs. May build them in Minecraft actually who knows- (if I do I will in fact post the pictures)

The Aether kingdom was a thing for souls and stuff as it was in cannon, but fell the same way. Alerion and Will live peacefully in one of the overworld kingdoms living normal lives away from everything, as they deserve.

A lot of the fable characters probably lives in the overworld, and just travel between realms.

Athena’s house probably has an area like his lab, where half is in the overworld and half is in the nether. If not, maybe their bed and breakfast- or atleast she has some nether bakery locations maybe with nether specific treats! Cause I think they deserve it and I just think it’d be cool.

Will has a cartographers shop in his village- like a cartographer villager type thing.

Rae has his archives he runs in his kingdom, there are two- one in the overworld part and one in the nether.

Starbarks definelty exists, does Fenris cannonly in this AU run all of the businesses he runs in actual cannon? Probably not. Do they exist? Probably.

Ven works as a close advisor for Fable, and Ari is hired as a knight or general of a sort for fable. Maybe more like a spy. Cat scratch records exist probably.

The world sisters do exist, most likely- (logistically if this was like a alternate “fable raises Icarus AU” they probably wouldn’t but I can do what I want and I say they’re here cause I love them- /silly)

Addie- Addie idk- maybe they work on like a night shift for the archives? Or like as an intern.

Ulysses- idk where to put Ulysses. Oh you silly fish man you. I will incorporate all the telchin stuff, definetly, I think just think of the cannon lore for that one.

Also- Quixis is there somewhere. Probably not in the same way for plot- but gotta include them in every au somehow /silly

Yeah. Royal AU. I’m eepy so I shut up- but hope you like my rambling ig idk-

I didn’t realize y’all enjoyed this au that much- I appreciate all the excitement about it /gen tehe <3

[mortuarywriting]

Falling into Place

Ao3 Link - [First] - [Next Chapter ->]

All things considered this isn't what you were expecting to wake up to when you went to bed. One minute you're on your phone, trying to pass out, and the next? You're here. You've had some interesting greetings in your life, but dropping about six feet and having twelve guns leveled at your face? That takes the cake

Warnings:

Reader Insert, Plus-Size Reader, The Author Regrets Everything, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Isekai, canon divergence Look we're gonna dig into the implications of omegasverse changing bits and pieces of history as well as addressing whatever the FUCK is happening as CoD's history. Idk man Godzilla is canon and nobody bats an eye at that fact and you think I'm gonna be normal about that? No

You could be having a worse day, you think, as you stare at the interrogation table you're cuffed to. They could've shot you the second you fell the six feet from the sky into a random army base. That's a very real thing that could've happened.

But no, you just had a dozen guns pointed at you in one moment and a slew of questions you didn't have satisfying answers for.

No, you had no idea how you got there. You'd been in bed tooling around on your phone and then you were falling.

They asked who you worked for, and were not impressed by your mundane answer. You didn't work for some pmc or intelligence organization. You asked them to their faces if they thought you could pass a PT test if you tried. Not that they answered or appreciated your point, mind.

It was only after you gave them whatever identifying information you had that things got… spicy.

"I would love to tell you what this designation of yours is if you tell me what you mean. Is it like a classification of civilian versus enlisted? Is it physical? Is it your horoscope? I don't know what I don't know," you explain again for the Nth time. You didn't wanna play twenty questions but here you fuckin were, captive audience and all.

The man asking you questions had lost his charming good cop look. He was getting more and more annoyed on this one, "your designation," a demand, not a question and sure as shit not an answer.

"Again, would love to tell you! I don't know what you mean! Feels like some kinda Star Wars thing," you grumble the last bit to yourself but the man cocks his head.

His eyes narrow, "what are… Star Wars, you said?"

You blink owlishly, "beg pardon?"

"Star War. Clarify."

It's your turn for your brow to furrow, and furrow it does, "Star Wars? As in the multi-billion dollar franchise created by George Lucas and eventually sold to Disney," your tone is questioning, just shy of asking if the guy lived under a rock but his expression didn't let up and the last thing you needed was bad cop, so you continued, "the story of what happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away? The political space series of movies versus Star Trek's more scientific and discovery based longstanding TV show? Nine major movies and the Clone Wars before Disney sunk their talons in. Like yeah we got more shows and movies that expanded the universe but they also cut out decades of book contributions in their acquisition and that kinda sucked. But yeah, that Star Wars?"

"Nine movies," his tone is disbelieving, and now it's your turn for your eyebrows to raise, "can you name them?"

You nod, "well yeah. Do you want them in episode order or release?"

His brows furrow, "did they not release in order?"

"In a sense? Three trilogies, 4-5-6 back in the late 70s early 80s, then 1-2-3 in the late 90s early 00s, and 7-8-9 through the teens. So order, yes, just… not a cohesive one."

"Release, then," he leaned back and crossed his arms, a position you'd love to mimic if you weren't cuffed to the table for… an indeterminate period of time now, actually.

"A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi-"

"Woah now, empire? What's a jeddy?"

You give him a blank look, trying very hard to mask your disbelief as you look between him and the mirror behind him. You look at your reflection, take a deep breath, and- "sir would it be easier for you to maybe check the internet?"

He seemed to bristle, nose flaring and looking at you expectantly.

You just… kinda sat there. You tapped your fingers together on the desk and kept the eye contact he was intent on. It took a good minute and him getting progressively pissier before you simply ask, "would you like the other movies now?"

You didn't expect an explosion of movement from the man. He downright snarled and slammed his hands on the table as he burst to his feet, the sudden change sending his chair screeching back before falling with a clatter. You leaned as far back as your cuffed hands would allow, eyes wide and a panic rising.

Both of you turned to look at the door when it slammed open with a barked, "Williams!" 

The man who opened it reared back a bit, "Christ, layin' it on a bit thick," he groused, his tone sounding more like someone chastising a teenager for using too much Axe body spray. He smoothed his posture back into something casual as he fanned the air dismissively with a hand, "cap wants you to take a walk."

Your interrogator- Williams, apparently- stares at the man in the door, the two locking eyes before the one in the door straightens from his purposely relaxed posture. You watch the both of them, noting the shoulders tensing as the two just. Staring at each other? Eventually the guy who'd been grilling you looked away and stormed out, the man in the doorway letting him slip out easily enough before turning a charming look back to you.

He took a minute to fan the door a few times to get newer, blissfully cool air in before he entered the room, "sorry 'bout him. He really did a number in here," the new guy tsked before closing the door quietly behind himself.

Your brow furrowed even as you slowly relaxed a bit, had this Williams guy like… farted or something? A nice quirk of ventilation keeping you from smelling something abhorrent? Either way you simply shrug as he walks in and tips the chair back up, sitting and giving another reassuring smile, "how you doing, love?"

You opened and closed your mouth a few times before simply settling on, "I'm a bit… whelmed? This has been," you give as vague a rolling gesture as you can without your cuffs rattling too badly, "a lot? And I have no idea what just set him off either?"

It's the man before you's turn to quirk a brow, "no idea?"

"If I knew the answers to his questions I'd've given 'em by now. I don't, though, and then he just started staring? And hell I just thought it was some kinda macho 'I can stare the truth out of you,'" you pitched your voice lower and pushed your shoulders out for a second to mimic the douchebag behavior before settling, "so I kept eye contact because I'm so out of my depth I have no reason to lie at all and now…" you trail off, gesturing around the room, "all that."

The man nods slowly, "alright love, could you tell me about the last five years?"

Your brows furrow, "oh fuck, 2019 was five years ago wasn't it. God, time is an illusion. Anyway, you want what I was doing leading up to and through the pandemic?"

You think he might've startled for a second but he simply moved to scratch his chin, "mhmm. Just your thoughts on the last five years is all."

So… you ramble. Because he was nice and not prodding or asking weird questions. You talk to him about your job before the pandemic, how people thought covid was just a flu until the death tolls kept climbing, how tons of governments dropped the ball on a local or country-wide level and how that kicked back onto your life, and then the absolute crapshoot of the last election cycle, the shitty 'oh no this is the new normal everything is fine' behavior that has lead to surges and cycles of a fucking plague and so on. He simply nodded, gave some sympathetic hums and winces appropriately at your experiences.

"And did you go back and watch Star Wars through that? Or other things Disney owned?"

And, well, that was a weird way to phrase it but you shrugged, "the mouse is just shy of a monopoly and not one that anybody can take that down so… yeah, I guess? They kept putting shows out and expanding their Star Wars universe so that's been kinda neat to watch but not just them, no. Couple other games and stuff like that to keep me busy, too," you kinda handwave and shut up because panic rambling to MILITARY PERSONNEL is probably not your smartest move in hindsight. Especially when you don't know his name. A+, self.

You tap your fingers against the metal table as he looks at you, "and you said covid has a long term effect of ruining people's senses of smell and taste?"

You nod slowly, "yeah, dude? It's one of the biggest warning signs for most people? Like if everything starts tasting like it was made by a middle class white mom who keeps shoving random letters in her kids names you should swab? That kinda shit?"

What rock has this guy been living under? You were pretty sure the military were supposed to be way more familiar with this shit all things considered, but you've been wrong before.

It was his turn to give you a bit of a wide eyed look before he poorly covers a laugh, "alright, that's fair. I need to go talk with my captain," he hooks a thumb over his shoulder to the window, which didn't surprise you that there had been people back there. He offers a reassuring smile as he stands, humming idly as he pushes the chair back in. He pauses mid-step, "you mentioned that there were cards…?"

You find yourself nodding slowly, "yeah it was important and you couldn't fly or go to certain places if you didn't have one for a while. Should still have a picture of mine buried on my phone," you really didn't wanna get another first-round of covid shots, you REALLY didn't wanna repeat the 24 hours of suck for no reason.

"Cool, thanks," he flashes another charming grin before he slides out of the room.

You lean back in your chair, what an odd guy. Nice though.

-------

"Right," Gaz says as he opens the door to Price and Ghost, "either our mystery guest is off her nut or she's legitimately from somewhere and somewhen else."

Ghost and Price look at each other before turning back to Gaz, this… complicated matters.

Well, it's not like you hadn't given them information to identify yourself. They'd dig up who you were one way or another.

-------

You stare blankly as the nice man from before gives you a sympathetic look, "what do you mean I'm dead?"

Behind him is a guy you're not sure if he's just fuckoff huge or if he's just moderately huge and it's forced perspective.

You don't think it's forced perspective.

You are absolutely trying not to panic spiral.

You are absolutely doing a horrible job at that.

"Well," he opens the file before him and there's a news article, proudly proclaiming "Locals Die in Horrible Freak Accident" like that's not some form of you that was looking like some smear on the pavement, "there's this. Fingerprints match up. Can check for dental if you're really curious."

"Were there even any teeth left after that," you mumble as you take and read the offered article. Seven people were involved, the pictures used are mostly flattering. Hell, you almost don't mind what pic they used for an alternate you but… "that's certainly not the pic I would've wanted. Maybe this me had different tastes?"

You take the time to actually read through the article. It's not helping because for as much as you stare at the page you're not absorbing any information. Some form of detachment, if this was really you? You'd died. A different you but a you nonetheless. You died and you're reading how it happened. There was a lot to unpack in all this and you just needed to put the suitcase away for now. You'd much rather throw it away at this rate.

You were rapidly coming to the understanding that you and Toto were not in Kansas anymore, and there wasn't a convenient yellow brick road to get yourself back home. No easy way to get the hell out of Dodge either. Was it Dodge or the O.K. Corral that was in Kansas? No the O.K. Corral wasn't in Kansas- Dodge was though, that's right. 

This analogy was getting away from you and some part of you figured this was just your brain trying to protect yourself but… wait, wasn't this a metaphor? There wasn't 'like' or 'as' or goddammit not again.

You recognize some names here and there but largely everyone involved were perfect strangers. The article doesn't cover if it would've been slow or quick. You hope for the smear that it was quick. Smears like that don't happen slowly, right? Well, not unless it's like a dramatic slide down a window, but not usually across pavement like that.

Still not sure how you feel about all of it. Bit morbid being confronted with your mortality like that.

Certainly answered a lot of questions about your theoretical passing you never thought about. Like if the obituary for you in what you know to be your own home and world is just as… really kinda just mediocre as this. Have you really done nothing of note for an obituary? Damn.

You kept pouring over the article, each pass bringing new words into focus that help connect the picture a little bit, but… Something repeated in the article made you pause, "two alphas, four betas, and an omega?" 

There was no decent way to ask about that. Any questions invoked from here would border into dangerous territory better kept between yourself and a private browser history. You knew what you were about but there was no fucking way.

"Their designations," the nice man whose name you still hadn't caught explains, "mostly explaining their secondary gender."

You look at him owlishly. You pray to whatever God might be listening that you wake up shortly. Or that the earth below your feet opens up and swallows you. Whichever comes first, the mortification will snipe you otherwise.

"Please tell me this is an elaborate joke at my expense," you are very quiet as you are trying to get really cool with a lot of things really quickly.

"Negative," the big fucker in the back practically growled and you knew that voice would do things to you if you weren't half stepped out of your own body. 

You missed whatever his followup was but your brow furrowed when you checked the date on the article, "I've been dead for months? That…" you let the paper fall from your hands. Everything about this is wild at best and very overwhelming at worst. 

A lot of this qualified as worst.

You look up at the two, missing the odd look they shot at each other as you try to pull yourself back together, "so now what? You've got a not-a-smear of me that fell from the sky onto a secure military base, and where I'm from we didn't have," you paused to gesture between the paper and the two soldiers, "dynamics was it? That was just a fanfiction special."

"Fanfiction."

The way he said it was so carefully neutral you paused, "oh my god without Star Trek to popularize fanfiction and the fan community, how has fandom evolved? Is fanfiction a thing- well, yes, it does fanfics have been a thing since Dante Alighieri wrote the Divine Comedy and even before- well, the question is more if it's still popularized? Are there still the wattpad fics of- I am getting so off track. What exactly is the next step?"

You look from the nice man to the big fucker and back, neither saying anything but looking at you with careful blankness.

You felt like you were being weighed and measured in their eyes.

You hoped to anyone listening that you weren't found wanting at least. Not when you're in the shit situation it looks like you ever so increasingly fell into.

"Considering I'm. Not smear. And very much not from here? Are blanks a thing? Or is that what a beta is I'm," you trail off, brow furrowing, "fuzzy. On the whole thing. The flavor of understanding, dynamics, and population skew tended to be dependant on the author's level of horny."

The did get a bit of a snort from the pretty one before you, the one in the back tilting his head just so as the pretty one spurred you on, "okay please don't take this the wrong way, you have given me nothing to go on but A/B/O and-" a finger was raised in question to that, you quickly explaining, "the fanfic shorthand for the universe without being a mouthful. Anyway- I've seen population numbers being roughly the same across the board, I've seen alphas and omegas at roughly 1% of the population of society on either end, I've seen alphas at about 5% and omegas at 1%- those ones are usually the most horny I swear.

"And it's all over the board, no consistency- sometimes it's betas are infertile, sometimes they're the straightman to the comedy that's an alpha and omega trying to woo each other without being too horny to function. Sometimes it's a sliding scale where being beta just means you're more the more middle-ground regulated hormonally with alphas and omegas being the opposing ends of a spectrum. Can you please say something and give me a fucking break because my panic rambles are probably like. Some kinda prejudiced. I'm still not over the 'I'm supposed to be a smear on the ground we don't even have dental images of to confirm who it is anymore' nugget you dropped on me. I think I'm doing well for this"

You would rather not tell them that as soon as you're out of this box of a room you were gonna be curled up in a ball and unabashedly weeping. That was none of their business.

The pretty one gave you what you're sure was supposed to be a reassuring smile but the quiet stretched just a bit too long. You looked from one to the other before leaning forward, "is this supposed to be soothing in some way? Because it's just a bit of an extended awkward silence and that's uh-"

It was the big one in the back's turn to give an amused snort, the pretty one looking bashful, "right, sorry, we uh-"

You jerk a bit, "wait, was that supposed to be some scent thing," you really didn't wanna say pheromones and potentially dig yourself into a deeper, more awkward hole based on Horny Pseudoscience.

Pretty rubbed the back of his neck, "something like that. You really couldn't smell anything?"

You know the exact Face you're making. It's very much your 'I have told you this and I'm getting tired of having to repeat it' face. You can tell he clocks it but for the record, because to your mortification this has to be recorded, you simply give a succinct, "no, I haven't smelled anything. Not from you, not from him," you jerk your head towards the big fucker, "and not from douchebag from be- Williams! His name was Williams. Nothing. Really had no clue why you were fanning the door when you came in."

You sigh, rubbing the heels of your palms into your eyes, "okay. Assuming I'm not about to be put into past tense a second time. Do we have any idea what popped me out here?"

The sentences are stilted, you know you're getting more rattled the longer you're here but sue you alright it's been the worst six hours of your life here.

They just continue to look at you, pretty keeping a polite almost customer service look as big one just stares unceasingly.

"Right. Okay. Am I going to be reintegrated to society or is this," you gesture around the little room as much as you can, "looking like my home for the foreseeable future."

No change in what you can see of either's expression, and you just sag. Deep breath in, deep breath out, "cool. Alright. Well. I know nothing of how biology is altered here, I'm not sure how that has impacted changes throughout history, and frankly I don't know what your pop culture has done. I'm assuming math and written languages are largely the same but in all fairness I don't know what I don't know."

You just stare quietly at the table for a bit longer before looking back at the two of them, "is there anything else you need because I can feel the freakout creeping up and while I know there's no real privacy, uh…"

The pretty one looked back to the big one, at some point you're sure you'll get some sort of names but for now? Now you watch the big one nod, the pretty one give you a polite smile and some vaguely polite bullshit your brain is swiftly going too far out to hear.

You only hope that whoever is behind the mirror is polite enough to look away as you put your head down on the table and give yourself the opportunity to, just this once, cry. As a treat.

[Next Chapter -> ]

[mariacallous]

The loneliness epidemic in the United States is so bad that even federal agencies have begun to pay attention. Today, half of adult Americans report experiencing feelings of loneliness and isolation, and some of the highest rates are seen among young adults.

That’s a painful social problem—but it’s also a national security threat. I get laughed at sometimes when I try to explain this concept to old-school bureaucrats. Who can blame them? Evolving threats are a headache, so it’s easier to pretend that nothing ever changes. But consider how easy it can be to compromise the lonely and desperate.

Take Sweet Dave, as he’s come to be known among security professionals, otherwise known as David Franklin Slater, a retired U.S. Army lieutenant colonel-turned-civilian Air Force employee. Earlier this year, Slater was charged with passing on classified information to an individual—who claimed to be both a woman and Ukrainian—via email and an unnamed online messaging platform.

Documents included in the federal indictment against Sweet Dave read like a Saturday Night Live sketch: “Dear, what is shown on the screens in the special room?? It is very interesting,” the alleged Ukrainian woman is quoted as saying to Slater at one point.

“You are my secret informant love!” Slater’s beloved coos after checking in to ask about how NATO representatives travel.

Judging by these messages, Slater wants to feel special. The person he is corresponding with makes him feel like a hero, not just a retired soldier in Nebraska. Who doesn’t, at the end of the day, want to feel like a hero?

It’s easy to dismiss Slater as foolish and horny, and while he definitely seems to be both of these things, I was curious to see a fellow open-source intelligence expert unearth his Facebook likes: Here’s a guy who’s completely awash in images of unattainable fantasy women to an embarrassing level, and it follows that he would lose all common sense if approached by one online.

Sex is an old motivation for espionage, but the current rash of cases is about far more than lust. Take Air National Guard member Jack Teixeira, who leaked highly classified information to impress his fellow nerds on Discord, a social messaging platform. He, too, wanted someone to think of him as a badass.

Foreign intelligence has always preyed on the lonely and romantically vulnerable, from the West German women targeted during the Cold War by East German “Romeo” spies to the French diplomat who believed that his lover, a Chinese man, was a woman who had birthed his son.

But the internet allows a degree of connection—or the illusion of connection—that facilitates exploitation on a scale never before seen. Sometimes it doesn’t even take foreign actors. Consider the case of Anna Gabrielian and her spouse, Jamie Lee Henry, two Americans who are due for a new trial after being charged with giving classified information to Russia. (Last year’s legal proceedings against the couple ended in a mistrial.)

What does a married couple have to do with loneliness and fantasy worlds? Not much, or so I thought at first—until I reread the indictment.

Looking at the power dynamics on display in this case is revealing. Henry and Gabrielian were in a lopsided relationship, with Gabrielian submerged in a fantasy dreamworld of “sacrificing everything” for a distant, mythical Russia. And she pressured her spouse into going along with it.

Gabrielian was so far gone that she thought that she could simply email the Russian Embassy and offer them help, and that she could trust whoever reads emails from random strangers over there. (I personally think that Russian Embassy staff members likely decided they were being played and began making inquiries of their own sources that U.S. intelligence picked up on, thus ultimately exposing Gabrielian’s plan.)

Gabrielian went as far as calling her spouse a “coward” for showing hesitation about turning traitor. This was the pedestrian version of the infamous “Russia, if you’re listening” speech by former U.S. Donald Trump, this time by a woman who clearly thought that benevolent Russian benefactors would materialize and reward her courage. There doesn’t appear to be a financial motive, as is the case with many similar cases. This was a spy fantasy concocted by a woman who obviously wanted to feel important.

In yet another unfortunate case, Gordon Black, a staff sergeant in the U.S. Army, was arrested in Russia in May and accused of theft. Based on this man’s social media, he seems to have been involved with a Russian woman from Vladivostok—the city where he was nabbed by the authorities.

Based on available information, Black was in the middle of a divorce from his American wife. I’ve found pictures of him with the Russian woman in question dating as far back as June 2023. I have also found memes and comments, supposedly posted by this woman on social media, that reflect virulently violent views toward Ukrainians, anger toward NATO, and even the desire to humiliate her American boyfriend, whom she calls a slur in one memorable video.

Black was stationed in South Korea and was due to travel to a new post at Fort Cavazos, in Texas, when he decided to detour to Russia instead. According to his mother, Black did not appear to have permission to do so, and may have even been “set up”—although Black’s loneliness may have played an even bigger role.

It’s clear to an impartial observer that Black’s Russian girlfriend was bad news, yet he risked everything for her. The ardent devotion that appears in his face in one particular picture with his girlfriend is almost painful to look at.

The usual approach by both government and private actors to security training and identifying foreign threat actors is extensive, and repetitive lectures and reminders reiterate that training. But that doesn’t necessarily address the root of the problem.

Many people with access to sensitive information—like the public as a whole—are adrift both online and offline. They’re stressed, and they often don’t feel connected to other human beings. This makes them sitting ducks as far as foreign intelligence, hackers, scammers, and agenda-driven trolls go. It can also make them feel angry and resentful, willing to betray, and willing to act stupid for the sake of feeling powerful and important—and feeling seen.

In the national security world, the word “holistic” is often viewed with suspicion and seen as the purview of New Age crystal healers. But you can’t divorce human nature—and human predicaments—from digital and personal safety.

For example, I once had several diplomats act very surprised when I pointed out that not enough people are being taught that they shouldn’t use dating apps while drinking or while seriously stressed. It just hadn’t occurred to them that unwinding with a glass of wine after work and checking the apps could result in a bad outcome. These men weren’t stupid at all—they just hadn’t considered a holistic approach to using technology while holding a sensitive job.

The same can be said about drinking in other situations where you could be left vulnerable—such as in a foreign country, or in a bar frequented by the wrong kind of people. Somehow, we all know the risk, but we rarely focus on why people take it to begin with; we rarely focus on our natural need for connection and thus have a hard time mitigating it properly.

Another man in a sensitive job was once very surprised when I wrote that it’s perfectly OK and even advisable to video chat with a potential date. “You mean I can just ask for that? What if she thinks I’m rude?” he asked. The answer to that question should be “who cares?”

Unfortunately, for lonely people—and especially men—who are already having a harder time when it comes to connecting to others, “who cares” is not enough. Being in the right frame of mind, being more confident, and feeling more settled are essential to enforcing boundaries, and people desperate for connection simply have a harder time doing that.

“Put down your phone and go outside” is cliche advice, but outside is also a great place to meet people, thus leading to a lessened sense of loneliness, thus leading to reduced stress, and thus leading to better decisions.

“Recognize when you’re unhappy or desperate” is another cliche. People laugh when I bring up the fact that staying emotionally balanced is advisable from a national security perspective. Sounds like woo-woo yoga mom talk, right? Yet the clearance process is already meant to weed out people who feel desperate—people with gambling or drug problems, for example. So shouldn’t we also be focused on making sure that people who already have clearances have access to the tools they need in order to right themselves when pressures in their lives escalate?

How many leaders instead expect their subordinates to constantly be online and available? This feeds into the loneliness epidemic too—believe me. How easy do you think it is for a person to form meaningful connections when they are forced to constantly check their phone?

With lawmakers growing more cognizant of “right to disconnect” laws that allow employees space to be offline instead of demanding constant connection, perhaps we can start thinking more broadly about what it means to disconnect, and how burnout is inadvisable. Not just because burnout is bad, which it is, but because burnout can be dangerous.

Lonely and unhappy people are a gold mine for hostile actors. The subsequent need to seek connection and validation in the wrong places is a security threat—and one that national security leaders need to be thinking about much harder.