#that i’ll get bored of the person
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#i hate getting crushes on people lmao#bc my brain treats it like a special interest#and i obsessively think about them#when they’re in my vicinity (thank you adhd)#until it gets bored and finds an ick to make them less interesting to me again#which is a legit fear i have of being in a relationship#that i’ll get bored of the person#like i get bored of tv shows#lyriumsings txt#just feelings in having that i wanted to vent about and delete later lol#god my head really can’t half ass anything#truly is all or nothing
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did you know? if you do your laundry you can get your clothes back
#fascinating stuff. let’s see if i (person with the worst executive dysfunction when it comes to doing laundry) remember it#i literally have this issue where i’ll let dirty clothes pile up in the laundry basket for an entire month#like it takes me that long to get around to it#and then- who would’ve thought- i find that i don’t have anything good to wear. strange!#finally did it last night and i’m like ohhh that was so difficult but the payoff finally#augh#peach rambles#hall of fame i guess#shut up about socks. idc.#this was a fun positivity post of sorts it’s about overcoming executive dysfunction#derailing into jokes about losing socks is. it’s not horrible but just boring and annoying#it was supposed to be celebration!! and encouragement!!!
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legitimately i think men underestimate how boring misogyny is in media. like yes it can be gross or uncomfortable or upsetting or whatever else but for the most part it’s just boring. like we know this stuff. it’s not sooo controversial and revolutionary and new to the scene and edgy. it’s violent sex and women not being treated as people. like we know. we’re already living in it babes. the fastest way to make a piece of media boring is to make it misogynistic. and this especially applies to fantasy for me, because you’re over here getting immersed in a different world with different types of people and places and societies and then it’s just oh, the author didn’t actually make anything new. they took what they know about the real world some hundred years ago and added magic powers. or this was all just a really long intro to a dnd themed porno. the male characters sacrifice complexity because their motivations are just.. misogyny. which is at its core very simple and unimaginative. rape or violence or degradation or abuse aren’t really all that shocking or complex to see on screen. they’re in loads of movies with varying levels of quality in handling and i’m not particularly upset by them. they’re in some of my favorite movies. this isn’t an issue of sensibilities or fear. it’s just so boring.
#obviously if you do get upset with the misogyny that’s entirely legitimate#i’m personally kinda over it#i sympathize with the actresses above all#but media wise it’s honestly just such a drag and i’ll lose interest#and alternatively to the blatant misogyny they’ll just try to pretend women don’t exist#because you don’t have to own up to your male centric worldview if the men never encounter a woman!#and it’s like well now it’s kinda boring innit#where are the women
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so unimpressed w men rn. it’s just so whatever
#guy who got my number at the boba place is the driest texter in history turns out!#i’m just kind of convinced that most guys r better in person but this is just boring#cianna from 6 months ago would be trying to carry the conversation rn but i just let it die bc im BORED#i am no longer doing the heavy lifting in the talking stage#i can do equal lifting. that i can do. but not the heavy lifting#if ur not there ur just not there#also a massive ick of mine is when guys fucking misspell and this one MISSPELLED#ur 21. get it together.#my best friend is also in a very ‘unimpressed w men’ phase rn#except im very capable of being single and doing my thing and she’s very. not.#she is back on hinge unfortunately. don’t think this will go well#meanwhile i’m in a very not looking for anything phase. if u say hi i’ll say hi back#but i’m not going out of my way to put in effort#fuck that#p
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Cult of the lamb updated so yknow what that means? thats right more doodles of this fam and this fam alone yippee!!
I was not expecting the crown to jumpscare talk to me so now it gets a personality that’s fun
#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb spoilers#cult of the lamb sins of the flesh#the ones art#narinder#thorjulbre#pupdessa#narithor#kallamar#leshy#the lamb#urho#pujulon#that’s what the little abomination baby is called it’s so fucking funny that’s the kid#i didn’t know what to expect from a cat and a spider but teeth man was not it but i’m so glad it is#narinder and his ever approaching ‘please just accept your family dad status like a normal person’#anyway i’m gonna brainrot over them again and them alone rip to people who wanted the lamb in on the tent#i’m fucking thriving#i’ll be honest i wasn’t super thrilled for the update but it’s been fun. i can get sin by smacking bosses so i don’t have to bother with-#-the boring stuff i can go murder spree yippee!#humbled gods au
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The first sketch I made by slapping at the tablet screen vs the one I made after which is about 100 layers cuz I decided to put effort into composition (so everything is its own layer)
#process#tw blood#I feel often my composition sucks cuz I don’t consider the canvas as a whole#so for my own personal satisfaction I want to put effort into considering that and doing better#and I want to get better at showing people interacting#not just layering them over each other and going ok there’s interaction#but it looks flat and boring#what’s better to use for practise than two bros trying to shank each other#what I did with the second sketch is not quick and effortless#but it felt very satisfying#maybe I’ll make a painting out of it
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can someone plz cry with me
#txt#so overwhelmed#and dreading work#I am so nervous about my future#I don’t see a point in working towards a career that isn’t based on passion#and I’m so tired of the advice I get being “do something you can tolerate that pays well so you can focus on hobbies outside of work#bcuz like where? how? I can’t do anything without a degree. and degrees are expensive. and even if I had a degree. I’ll need to have years#of experience#I don’t want to do something boring even if it gets me by#and there probably aren’t that many jobs available any#so I’m in this limbo where I can quit work yet cuz I don’t fucking know what I should have lined up#and I wanna go back to school but the only in person classes I can take are 2 hours from me#and I can do it online but I won’t get the same connections#so I just have to exist in this state of unhappiness and know in the back of my mind that no job will ever satisfy me#bCUZ WORK FUCKING SUCKS UNLESS ITS SLEMTHING YOU LOVE AND TJAHS HARD TTO COME BY#thank you this is my rant. if you don’t like it jump off a cliff. it’s my blog and I’m blogging dumb a as
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remember when i said i’d do my smut drabbles for Halloween . well i’m a Liar who Lies 🩷
#it’s so weird bc i’ve written a decent amount lately but ever since i started these drabbles i fell into a massive rut#maybe it’s bc i don’t know how to write smut so it’s making me a bit . Ya Know#i still want to get these drabbles out in the first week of november bc these drabbles aren’t halloween related or anything#if it changes and i’m able to get it out by then then GREAT! if not i won’t beat myself up abt it#but sighhhhhhh. i wish i was one of those people who could write more 😭 sighhh that’s a personal goal#hmm. Am I My Own Obstacle ………… let’s not get into that rn 🩷#i’m also in my bored of tumblr phase i go thru these phases constantly 😭 but i’ll try and be on here anyways :3 a lil post here & there :3#BUT OMG :D i got elf lip oils when i went out to the movies :3 i got rose envy & jam session YAAAAAAAAY#my bro said he’d take me to japantown in mid november so HOPEFULLY!!!!! FINGERS CROSSED!!!!! i can go!!!!!#i wanna buy TONS of jjk figures + cute accessories!#i want cute clothes (always) but stuff is expensive so 😪#anyways another one of my personal goals is to take more pictures!!!!! and get cute trinkets here and there hehe#personal
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Folks send good vibes this way I have a job interview tomorrow for a really cool apprenticeship and I need to land it so bad.
#options are limited#and this place is very cool#I shall tell y’all once I get good news#hopefully I’ll get good news#i would love to work there#and I also just#need to do shit with my life#I am so bored#personal
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Everything I see about the Fnaf movie feels like a fever dream. I’ve waited and imagined and dreamed about it and now it’s a real thing. And it look so good. I don’t think I’ve ever looked forwards to a movie this much. I don’t even care if it sucks, I am already enjoying it and loving it.
#I’m the kind of person who doesn’t actually care id a movie is good#so long as it’s not boring I’ll take it#fnaf#fnaf movie#just neede to get that off my chest#five nights at freddy's
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me personally i only listen to rap about sex
#the adas speak#i enjoy female rap (which is apparently the name of the subgenre) bc yay girlboss#yes i am so pretty and cool. i am a version of That Bitch. but not the rich one with men falling at her feet. an academic girlboss#idk if that also applies to guys doing the same thing but i think it would bc gender#i’m in the process of slowly branching out my music tastes and this is just where i started w rap and i fw it#i’ll probably listen to more stuff later but ppl are so pretentious about it i kinda don’t want to#irl and online. as someone who’s never been up-to-date on pop culture white or black#or known about oldies or whatever the fuck i’m supposed to know about it gets very annoying being treated like i’m stupid#or boring or not black bc i don’t understand references#no bitch. i’m autistic with strict parents who had internalized racism. give a person space to heal#i’m mostly talking about irl relatives but not exclusively. it’s def a community problem#but this is a white people website so we’re leaving that there
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ok so man that i hooked up w like 2 weeks ago that i wanted to see for like dates: cancelled. i’m bored of him 😭😭😭
#stream#ALKSALKSALKSLAKSLAKSLA#like ok#he needs to let me know like EARLIER than 30 MINUTES BEFORE to see me#& u need to not have like#an hour SHARP to leave like i need more than an hour IF IM HOSTING !!!!! like i want ATTENTION after#+ i would’ve cleaned everything like an insane person#‘like an insane person’ u mean ‘bc ur an insane person’#anyway#i haven’t showered in days bc i’ve been compulsively cleaning until im so exhausted that i just pass out#like literally everyday#but i mean there’s no reason for me to leave the house bc u gotta clean & then i can’t have anyone HERE bc i got SHIT TO CLEAN so they don’t#DIE FROM ILLNESS & DISGUST & MY DIRT (a quarter of a piece of a small leaf that was tracked in at the door)#ALSKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSL but ok what’s so fucking funny is that IF SOMEONE ELSE says like ‘i’m coming over at 5’ & it’s like ‘10a’ i will#LITERALLY get everything done so fucking quick like i will be SONIC & then im right there ready to go like :D#ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLA but if ive to do it for ME irs like wow this is agony im going to die i should kill myself bc ur such a wreck stupid#anyway maybe i should talk to the therapist abt this bc it does Not Seem to Be Healthy#so he will be like ‘we’re going for about 2 tomorrow :)’ at like 1p that day & i agree then he doesn’t message me until like 1 saying ‘i’ll#be free in an hour x’ like#like i sent questions to him like ‘so what do u think abt xyz’ would u do xyz like gaming or whatever u know then he answers them the whole#next day idk it’s like ur literally expecting me to drop everything to suck ur dick for 30 mins & that’s just#it ain’t it#like ALSKALSKLAKSALSLAKSLAKAS at this point i’m just going to block him next time he does that 😭😭😭#probably never going to see him again i’ve never seen him since the first time#literally i was like ‘hey i’ll be free …’ for like 1.5week & then just gave up on that bc he never was or wouldn’t respond until late like#girl …. this is BORING ur DULL u don’t even DO ANYTHING as far as i KNOW 😭😭😭😭 he’s always like ‘at work :)’ ‘watching tv :)’ ‘cooking :)’#that’s it#like …. ok
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Why must dieting be absolutely fucking miserable
#ed blogs please dni i am not associated with you#i’ve only been calorie counting for 2.5 days and i’m already SICK OF THIS#why is every food i like to eat like 200 calories per mouthful#i’m planning dinner because i’m SO hungry already and why is a dollop of mayonnaise like the same amount of calories#as a whole can of butter beans. what’s the reason for that#i’m NOT switching to light mayo. at that point i’d rather just cut mayo from my diet altogether#light mayo; reduced fat margarine; light cream cheese & reduced salt marmite all taste horrendous to me#light cheddar as well. i’m not eating it!!!#don’t get me started on having to cut out weed because i will just start crying#being sober turns me into such a hater but the last thing i need is anything that will increase my appetite#i’ll be fine in like a week once my body adapts to eating 2074 calories instead of like fucking… 3000 or whatever it was#most of which were junk. i’m very sad that i can’t eat more than one sweet or piece of chocolate per day but i’m just trying not to think#about it. and while i’m on the subject; since when are fibre one brownies so boring. i feel like they used to taste legitimately good#i’m going to take up running again. because then i will be able to eat more. but also i will be hungrier. i CANNOT win#they really need to invent a low calorie food that actually tastes good to me. every time i google it i’m like eurgh#celery and nuts. fuck off#if i didn’t have arthritis in my knee and a family history of heart problems i wouldn’t be doing this shit but alas! i probably should#i just want to take like 20kg of strain off my knees it should not be this hard. and yet!#personal
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mawwiage musings
I think the absolutely insane endorphins associated with a brand new relationship/attraction/crush/whatever have to do with the uncertainty of whether the object of your affection likes you or not. “He loves me/he loves me not” etc.
I know for a fact my husband likes me, so I will never feel those exact feelings, to that absurd degree, ever again. I’ve “made it,” but I still feel jealous of my friends in brand new relationships. He’s driving all this way, every week, just to see YOU?? Omg that’s so exciting!!!!
But I don’t think those initial feelings are meant to last. I think I’d fail at managing my life if that infatuation was a constant. And even if it’s less emotionally intense, the security of knowing my husband is mine, will always be mine, loves me, will always love me—I suppose that’s a more wonderful thing.
#shywalker stuff#I’ll say it again: i fully understand why people end up having affairs—WAIT LET ME EXPLAIN#no but i think when you realize that it’s natural to get bored with your marriage and wonder about someone new#it kills the ‘the attraction i have for this person who isn’t my spouse Must Mean Something!!’#on the one hand you could interpret it as concerning that i talk about feeling bored/discontent in my marriage…#on the other hand? maybe it’s a good thing. because i know that’s normal. that’s part of being married. even in a good marriage.#i think the idea that if you marry The One you’ll never feel bored or unhappy is Toxic Actually
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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult#either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason#I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀
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a “fun fact about me” is actually that i have a fascinating interior life and i’m in love with the whole world. just so you know
#i hate being asked this question!! i am the most boring person in the world#especially because like. what am i going to say. ‘oh sometimes i write fanfiction? i have an active fandom blog on tumblr.com’? no thanks!#‘just say you like to write!’ oh yeah and then give them the chance to look at the All Of Me and be like#‘girl be honest. is it fic’#no thanks!! i’ll dodge that question if at all possible!#unfortunately this comes at the expense of just having to be like ‘uhhh…. i like to read’ whenever this comes up#and this is not me saying that fandom is my Only Hobby so don’t come after me it’s just. it is an important hobby to me! it is for better o#worse how i choose to spend a decent amount of my free time!#and sometimes i wish i wouldn’t rather die than give people the opportunity to wonder about whether or not i have a fandom life. you know?#but unfortunately. i would#and the other thing is that actually not all of my writing IS fanfic but. it’s not like i’m going to show anyone that shit yet either!#you can read it ifwhen it ever gets published and at no time before :)#caseyposting
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