#that i think are great and correct and absolutely mario

[rioblitzle]

matpat's goddamn fuckin "mario is evil" or whatever it was video has done years of damage to the way people characterise and interpret mario as a character. it's super goddamn mario he goes wahoo and he loves his friends and everyone knows him how do you even fuck up the internet's perception of him that badly

[progmetol]

Cecil Headcanons #2

Once again, assorted with no order or theme. Under the cut.

- Thinks Mark’s persistence in standing up for what he believes in is admirable, even if he thinks what Mark believes in isn’t necessarily correct. Same with Eve, probably.

- Has beaten Super Mario on the NES without warp pipes. Not in recent years though, during the 80s when he was a field agent with barely any responsibilities.

- He’s developed an allergy to cats. It isn’t a huge deal, because he prefers dogs, but it is still a disappointment to him. He wasn’t aware of this for a very long time. Pets them anyway.

- Used to enjoy skiing a lot. Still does, but rarely if ever has the time to (he can occasionally make an excuse since it doubles as a workout). He continues the Floridian tradition of invading the rockies to complain about the cold and go skiing.

- Has nerve damage from his incident and occasionally is non-perceptive or hypersensitive to pain and temperatures, depending on the day. Tries to avoid places with extreme weather temperatures in general.

- Turns red in the cold, and burns red in the sun. Notably, to both. Can’t tan at all. Blond moment. His fake skin was built using his DNA so it still has this trait as well.

- He got the scar in the later half of his field career. I thought about this one a lot since I used to think he got it earlier, but hear me out. The field injury would put him in bad condition to continue being a field agent for four major reasons. One being inconsistent pain and temperature tolerance. Though on days where he is more tolerant and less perceptive to it he can take more hits, he often doesn’t realize he’s hurt which can lead to liability. The second reason being that having a scar in such a prominent location on the face makes him extremely identifiable unless he is covering his face. As a stealth/infiltration specialist, this isn’t a great thing. He did continue to work as a field agent for several years after but eventually he had to call it. Number three is the fact that he needs daily skin treatment for it, meaning he needs to have access to it at most every 24 hours (he can technically go longer but at a risk). This limits the length of time he can operate. The fourth reason is PTSD which gets its own bullet point.

- His PTSD mostly triggers in situations where he has to be somewhere without clean air. Humid rooms, saunas, low visibility areas, smokey areas, fog, etc. Certain strong smells also can trigger it, usually that of chemicals or other similar scents. He has worked hard to overcome this (using self-performed exposure therapy) because it limits his operational ability but occasionally it can come back in full force. Usually just results in him activating flight or fight. Dude powers through it because he thinks he has no other options.

- Eventually takes Prozac for PTSD and anxiety, which is a whole ordeal for multiple reasons. The first reason is that there are a lot of bad people that would think he is better off dead. So he has to make sure nobody in the pharmacy is actively trying to tamper with the dosage. The other reason is basically Tony Soprano’s dilemma: he’s in a position of power, and if people were to know he took it, it would make him look weak. Weakness is something that Cecil believes that he can’t afford.

- He wasn’t unrewarded for his work, though. After being a field agent, he became a mission control operative and was apart of support teams for his field successors. He rose very high in stature over time and eventually became about as prominent as Donald currently is to the GDA.

- It was in this role in which the Pentagon came under fire and he was assisted by the terrorists that just about killed him. Hence why he is in a suit and tie during that event and not fatigues or armor.

- He’s an optimist—hear me out. He’s very confident and puts his entire faith in those he employs. In a world as volatile as his, being a pessimist would absolutely destroy any hope for the planet, considering the amount of incidents that happen on a weekly, if not daily, basis. He prepares for the worst, but hopes for the best. He thinks that in the end, everything will be okay—and if it isn’t, it won’t matter. But that won’t happen.

- Takes adderall. He actually has a prescription for it too. Not for ADHD or anything, but because of his unusual work schedule of 23/7 demanding some help keeping focused. Man, this ain’t healthy.

- When he first joined the GDA, he burned off his fingerprints DIY with hydrochloric acid. Later, after he had his skin reconstructed due to the incident, he had them not reconstruct his prints. Most biometric systems that he makes use of work based on other features that are harder to replicate.

- Can hold his breath for 5 minutes.

Bonus: Some very sloppy edits. Proof of concept for young Cecil in the show.

[brainlessbaguette]

Y'all I am so scared. This could either be great or an absolute dumpster fire of a movie. Why live-action? No seriously why live-action??? For Zelda, the games that are so wonderfully cartooney even at their most serious? Why is Avi Arad producing a Zelda movie? His mixed bag of movies aside I DON'T THINK HES DONE FANTASY??? Like correct me if I'm wrong but I believe its mostly sci-fi, superheroes and stuff.

I know I'll enjoy it regardless, trashy movies are my jam. But if we want more it can't flop like 1993 mario(love that movie) and thats the bit thats got me nervous.

I'm gonna anxiously hold out hope solely becuase the tweet opened up with "This is Miyamoto." Just DON'T do BOTW/TOTK. I know you want to pick the cash cow Nintendo, but video game movies are WAY more likely to flop if you pick the one where everyone would rather just play the game. The bigger the fanbase the worse the odds get, so I am begging you not to come out of the gates with an adaptation of the ones where everyone and their mother has played it.

[elitadream]

Surprisingly enough, I've never seen any ideas floating around where Mario becomes the Mushroom Kingdom's prince when he marries Peach, so what do you think that would be like?

Auugh the prince concept! 😭✨️ One of my favorites, and yet another one my brain has been begging me to draw lately. 🙇‍♀️

Although, I too am surprised you've never seen any rendition of it, considering it's a rather popular subject with Mario fanart. Unless you were talking about my blog specifically. Then you would be correct. 😅

From a purely theoretical standpoint, I think Mario would be very anxious about obtaining the official title (fearing and doubting himself as usual ><), but thanks to Peach's reassurance, the pressure and responsibility would feel a lot more tolerable. Everyone in the Kingdom would be absolutely thrilled, cheering and congratulating him for his new status when the coronation day would finally arrive. And naturally, Mario would make a great prince, ruling with kindness and fairness alongside his beloved. 💗💫

There's a lot of wonderful potential there for sure, although- to be completely honest, the mere idea of Mario wearing a crown and royal garments is tempting enough on its own. ✍️😉

[ladyswillmart]

"THAT'S Bowser's Keep?!" Mallow squinted into the smoldering distance; whatever he perceived with his beady black eyes, it evidently did not impress. He frowned with a little sigh. "It's pretty crumbly now that I see it from here."

"Crumbly!" snarled Bowser. "Crumbly, he says! About my castle?"

"That's what it sounded like to me!" said Peach.

"Ghrk... well! Well!!"

Mallow turned his beady eyes towards the overgrown turtle. "Well what...?"

"D'aw, well, of course it's gonna look crumbly!" was his stellar retort. "Damn thing's got a big fuckin—"

"—language—!"

"—sorry, Princess—I mean the darn thing's got a big fuckin' envelope opener sticking out of the foyer! You know we just renovated that part of the castle? We were gonna put the new Bowser's Castle Welcome Center and Gift Shop in there," Bowser continued; while his brave face was game as usual, it would once more be stymied by the way his eyes welled up like overflowing toilets. "It was looking real good, too! Mario saw it! Yeah, you saw it didn't you? Didn't it look real good?"

The plumber nodded and gave a couple energetic bounces with his arm raised in the air; by now his traveling companions knew to interpret this as an enthusiastic yes.

"So don't gimme that crumbly crap! It's just... It's just got a boo-boo right now, okay? Eh? Oh yeah, that reminds me—oi, Geno! Oi!"

The caped creature failed to respond to Bowser's verbal hailing, forcing the testudine tyrant to resort to a more physical means of address; the well-timed punch to the shoulder not only did the intended trick, but also did roughly 8-10% AOE splash damage to the rest of the party.

"Ow!" Geno yelped and clutched his arm, thus putting paid to the question of whether or not a doll's body could feel pain (at least while occupied by the incomprehensible essence of an extraterrestrial lifeform).

"What was that for?" he begged.

"Got a question for you!"

"Great! Can you ask it without maiming us?"

"Apparently not." Bowser shrugged. "I just wanna know one thing! Whenever we fix that Stairway to Stardom thing you keep going on about—"

He paused.

And Geno waited, only a few awkward seconds before it became clear enough that that blankly blinking prompt was meant for him. "Huh...?"

"Aren't you gonna correct me and go That's Star Road like you always do?"

"I hadn't planned on it," he replied. And he really hadn't planned on it; in truth, he gave up on trying to correct everyone's constant misnomering long ago. The endeavor started to feel both pedantic and pointless, and frankly he couldn't tell which one was more grating. "Why, do you want me to say it?"

"Ghrk—! Of course I want you to say it! How the hell else am I supposed to know you're payin' attention?"

"...that's Star Road, Bowser."

"Yeah! That's more like it." He nodded, eminently satisfied. "Now. If we collect all the pieces and actually fix the Star Rail thing, that'll definitely get rid of that overgrown Ginsu knife squatting in my castle, right? Like automatically, right?"

Geno tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Mm. Now that's going to be hard to say."

"What do you mean by that...?" asked Mallow.

"I mean it's going to be impossible. Impossible to say."

Bowser growled, a promise of a threat. "Don't care much for that word, Timbertoes. Especially when it involves my castle..."

"Sorry Bowser, but I just don't know," said Geno. "So far, my experience in your world has led me to conclude that only two things are an absolute guarantee: Death, and a Toad-Mart in every village. And given the number of Dry Bones I've seen lurching around the place, I'm not so sure about the former."

Mallow resumed gawking at the castle across the chasm; crumbly as it was, the sword itself had a rather mean look about it. The hilt glared back at them hatefully, daring them to approach. The blade looked new, sharp enough to effortlessly split infinitives.

"You think we're gonna have to fight that thing, then...?" he wondered meekly.

"Well. The kid did say Death is one of this world's absolute guarantees," spat Bowser.

With these hopeful words left hanging in the air with the smoke and cinders, Mario jumped up and down a few more times, his arm raised high.

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 03/03/2024

Super Mario Odyssey Reimagined (Jazz Arrange)

Season 2 Featured on: The Voice's Highest Quality Video Game Rips Also on: Now That's What I Call Quality!

Ripped by Can of Nothing

Requested by Demopan! (Discord)

Man...can you believe it's been seven whole years since the Nintendo Switch launched? After 2016 felt like one of Nintendo's most quiet, underwhelming years, the hype and release of the Switch was absolutely incredible to see unfold - it felt like a shot in the arm for the entire community at the time, in a way I haven't really seen for any other console launch in my lifetime. Seven year on, a lot of that excitement has obviously petered out - but I still hold a lot of fond memories of it all, not least of which being how it was expressed through SiIvaGunner itself.

There's no real joke, bit, or subversion to Super Mario Odyssey Reimagined (Jazz Arrange) - it is, like snow halation but it shreds and numerous other rips on the channel, exactly as sincere of an arrangement as it says on the tin. Really, the quirkiest part about the rip in this instance is the time it was released in: several months before Super Mario Odyssey itself, and a mere four days after the game and its single known piece of music were revealed. Before we even knew that this would be the theme to Fossil Falls (and the rip itself was originally just titled "Theme of Super Mario Odyssey"), ripper Mellorine had whipped up a full-on arrangement of it in an infectiously fun, breezy, jazz style.

It's a great arrangement all around, a sound not too dissimilar to the jazziness found in games like Super Mario 3D World already, and turns the otherwise grand and dramatic Fossil Falls theme into something far more...celebratory, I suppose! That was at least always the vibe the rip gave me, given its context - as an early Season 2 rip, it felt just as much like a celebration over Super Mario Odyssey's reveal as it did a celebration of SiIvaGunner itself having made it past its one-year anniversary. You'll recall I noted this in Patched Plains Fusion Collab too, there was just something so infectiously FUN about tons of the rips made during this time period, and starting the year off with a look at this brand-new Mario game only made those feelings even more electric. For being made in such a short timeframe, Super Mario Odyssey Reimagined (Jazz Arrange) sounds remarkably official: a wide span of jazz instruments, clever use of percussion and leads in tandem with one another, a lounge-y synth leading the song's trumpet lead along a laid back feel...

It sounds SO official, in fact, that Nintendo themselves fell for it, in an incident which has kept this rip eternally relevant in SiIvaGunner discussion - it may perhaps be the main reason some people know of it to begin with. In a video by Nintendo of Italy covering Super Mario Odyssey's appearance at the in-person event of "Milan Games Week" in late 2017, the company - seemingly by accident - used Super Mario Odyssey Reimagined (Jazz Arrange) as the backing music for the entire video. The video remains up to this day, with no comments section to correct them - meaning SiIvaGunner, through the most bizarre way possible, has now made an official appearance in Nintendo media. And hey, if it's good enough to trick Nintendo into thinking its an official arrangement - then it's good enough for you to give it a listen, seven years later.

Happy birthday, Nintendo Switch!

[scrunkore]

Scunkore Media "Thread" 2023: Part 4

welcome back to the scrunko core

38) Miitopia (Switch, 2021)

Mii games are a dying breed, and honestly I'm not sure why they put this game on Switch when they did, but that's whatever really. It definitely has its fair share of improvements from the 3DS original, with a bit more content and an absolutely fantastic custom makeup tool that lets you make every Mii that much more unique, being put to great use by a whole bunch of creators. The game itself, though... it's still not anything special aside from that, and also its cute story bits and Mii interactions, but those get old well before you actually finish the game. And the game takes a while to get through, too, feeling very repetitive and grindy even while you constantly make progress. Basically, the game does some fun things, but it's not nearly enough to make the whole experience remain interesting throughout. It's just painfully average as an actual game, and I'd really rather have a new Tomodachi Life game, but that seems unlikely at this point. [2.5★]

39) The Super Mario Bros. Movie (Movie, 2023)

I'll never get over the reaction to the casting announcement for this movie, that was the funniest shit to come from that one Nintendo Direct presentation and unfortunately it might be more memorable than the actual movie itself. Chris Pratt Mario is the least of its issues (actually the voice acting is fine) - the plot and indeed most of the characters are pretty half-baked and it feels like they rushed the story through basic plot points between various action pieces, but at the very least that does mean it's never boring. Trouble is, that does mean I can't say the movie is good, despite the really nice-looking visuals and great soundtrack (when it's not using corporate-mandated licensed songs), both clearly made with a lot of love for the series. Sure, it was an entertaining movie, with some fun elements like Jack Black Bowser banging out the tunes, but realistically I think it's pretty average when I'm not giggling at the references - the critics were in fact correct, who knew. Still, does give me some hope for future Nintendo movies, because it was well-made. [3★]

40) The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (Switch, 2023)

Breath of the Wild, one of the biggest and most popular games Nintendo has ever put out, finally got its sequel, and it somehow makes that game look like a demo. Everything new that they added results in Tears of the Kingdom blowing Breath of the Wild out of the water - the world map is about three times the size due to the added cave systems and whole new areas above and below Hyrule, the abilities Link gets to use are so much more complex and fun to use (especially the building mechanics), the enemies/bosses and side quests are more interesting, the list really does go on. It even has an excellent story that, while still unfortunately leaning back into "rescue the princess", delivers a really enjoyable narrative only marred by the fact that you can kind of ruin it by viewing it outside of the intended order, but I guess for an open-world game that's fine. I held off on writing this bit because I didn't really know what to say other than "game good", and now I don't want it to go on too long because I'll start rambling. The game is just really fucking good, man. Sometimes things in it are annoying, but I say that about every game, including Breath of the Wild - it may not be a particularly interesting opinion, but I think this game has just about perfected what it wants to be, and I have no idea what the Zelda team is going to do next. [5★]

41) Sonic Adventure (Dreamcast/PC, 1999/2011)

Next time someone tries to tell me that Sonic "had a rough transition to 3D" and it's clear they're talking about this game specifically, I think I might push them out of the nearest window, because that lie has gone on for far too long, though admittedly the ports of this thing have a couple unique issues and that's kinda why I modded the Steam port to be more in line with the Dreamcast version. But regardless, yes, this game is really good fun. It's a pretty unique 3D platformer with an excellent hub world and several different gameplay styles that each offer something fresh - from speeding through levels to fishing for a kind of annoying frog, I do rather like them all to varying degrees. The general vibes of the game as a whole (mainly down to the locales but also things like the incredible music) are pretty cool too, and the solidly enjoyable story - especially the parts with Gamma - is told in cutscenes that may look a bit awkward now but still have a lot of charm to them. Everything culminates in the classic final fight against Chaos, and that will always be really cool despite the actual gameplay of that fight being a bit of a pain. If you haven't played a "good" 3D Sonic game, open your heart up to this one - but do grab the mod loader if you're playing the Steam release. [4★]

42) Sonic Adventure 2 (Dreamcast/PC, 2001/2012)

The sequel to Sonic Adventure is kind of a few steps forward and a few steps back, and production-wise we know it was a bit rushed, which does explain some issues, but thankfully the subsequent ports ended up having less issues than the prior game's. Adventure 2 takes a hit in not having a cool hub world to explore and instead opting for typical menus separating the two routes that include most of the different level types introduced in the first game, and one of those level types (the emerald hunts) is designed so much worse this time around for god knows what reason. In fact, the game can be a bit more annoying to play in a lot of areas, although plenty of the time it's just because it's deliberately more challenging and not actual bad design. But it makes up for anything that might be worse than in the first game by having even cooler presentation, with a stronger storyline featuring everyone's favourite grumpy hedgehog Shadow and better cutscenes, more banger music, and going right up into space for the supersonic finale. So generally it's both better and worse than the first game, but hey, you live and learn. [4★]

43) Sonic Triple Trouble 16-bit (PC, 2022)

With the upcoming Sonic Superstars set to feature Fang for the first time since the original Triple Trouple, now's as good a time as any to check out the stellar fan remake that turns it into an awesome 16-bit style game mechanically rather similar to Sonic 3, like the more traditional Sonic 4 that we never got. It's a lovingly crafted game that perfectly re-imagines the zones from the original with much cleaner graphics and refreshed music accurate to the hardware it's trying to replicate, and more spectacular setpieces that give it a whole new burst of character, plus it's full of its own fun original gimmicks and surprises too. A full run of the game getting all Chaos Emeralds and defeating the incredibly cool true final boss won't take you very long, but if you're a fan of the classic games you're bound to enjoy the ride and want to replay it with the unlockable characters too. Definitely a really cool fangame that's worth checking out. [4.5★]

44) Pokémon Infinite Fusion V5.X (PC, 2022)

It's the Pokémon fangame that got all the content creators posting YouTube shorts of the funny things they made in it, and of course, it's easy to see why a game with a fusion gimmick would have so much mass appeal - it's a massive undertaking from the people working on the thousands of different sprites required, and the idea of fusing Pokémon together has been popular for over a decade at this point. And that's a gimmick that the game handles really well, every battle presents you with some new cute combination or hybrid abomination and you never know what's coming up next, plus you'll always be mixing and matching with your own stuff to see what happens and if you can make something completely overpowered (I recommend Shedinja + Absol for maximum cheese). Though, I'm not that big on the core adventure itself, because it's just Kanto again with some Johto and the Sevii Islands tacked onto it, along with more Pokémon of course, and the new story elements are just kind of whatever unfortunately. It's also an RPG Maker game, so there's some jank to be seen, but I'm used to that considering the other things I've played. So all in all, it's hard carried by the fusion mechanic, but at least it manages to nail that, and it's still being updated constantly with new sprites to check out. [3.5★]

45) Puzzle Bobble Everybubble! (Switch, 2023)

I don't feel much for this game, so I'll keep it short. I've only really dabbled in Puzzle Bobble once or twice, and so I figured I'd give this one a whirl, but it wasn't that good all things considered. Sure, it gets the core gameplay right, as it should, and the online multiplayer works pretty well, but what I found pretty annoying was the story mode - a lot of the levels are just stupid and a pain in the ass, at least for me, so maybe I'm not a hardcore Bobble-head after all. The characters are rather annoying too, but maybe that's just in this entry, who knows? If there are better iterations of this series then I'd be down to play those as well, I just didn't like this one that much outside of dicking around with non-story mode content, which was decent enough. [2.5★]

46) Nimona (Movie, 2023)

The once-cancelled Blue Sky adaptation of a comic from ND Stevenson, showrunner of that very queer She-Ra series, actually got rescued by Annapurna and actually came out this year, and boy am I glad it did, not least because of how poorly animation tends to get treated by so many of the large corporations. The movie is an incredibly fun and deeply heartfelt story of people society was all too keen to paint as monsters because of an authoritarian regime, and it's definitely pretty clear about its messages in a way that pretty much anyone can understand. It's also quite well-animated and put together really nicely, and although I have heard that it goes for a more family-friendly angle than the original comic did, it still manages to get everything across effectively and hit the right emotional beats, and it uses its runtime as well as one could expect from it. Also, I gotta say, this one's also very queer - the two most important male characters in the story are gay and get to kiss on-screen which is awesome, and I definitely get gender vibes from the titular Nimona, the awesome transforming girl who gets the most action in the movie. Maybe it's a good thing someone other than Disney released it, because I'm not sure how keen they are about gay people and anti-establishment messaging (this isn't even really a joke unfortunately). But anyway, this movie was awesome, and I hope we do see more projects like it. [4.5★]

47) Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective (Switch, 2023)

Ghost Trick has always been one of those really cool and unique DS puzzle games that people have been demanding everyone play for years, and in this case it's easy to see why that's all they were saying about it (in a good way). The story of this game is frankly too good to spoil, with some pretty great twists and turns that it takes, and I highly doubt anyone will be able to predict quite how it ends because that truly blindsided me and I loved it. The excellent cast of characters kind of helped with that too, especially the best boy of all time Missile; it's just very well-written as a whole. Now in terms of gameplay it's no slouch either, delivering some honestly genius puzzles revolving around setting up Rube Goldberg-esque series of movements with various objects that you, a ghost, can take control to prevent people from dying. Some of these puzzles are real head-scratchers, but I think anyone can get through them with enough trial and error, and it is immensely satisfying when you do, so it's a damn good puzzle game. Also worth mentioning, though it goes without saying if you've seen the game before, is that it has a really slick visual style with character designs that pop, and an excellent soundtrack that is very much welcome. Genuinely an incredible game, and I think they should let Shu Takumi do more original projects if this is what he can cook up. [5★]

48-49) Azure Striker Gunvolt: Striker Pack (Switch, 2017)

Had to check out some of Inti Creates' flagship titles when I saw they were doing a Love Live game in a similar style, and yeah, this is a fun type of game that feels inspired by certain Mega Man spinoffs. Both games in this pack have cool run-and-gun gameplay where you can "tag" enemies do deal more damage to them, and of course you kind of have to balance that with avoiding taking damage yourself. Not a problem in the levels themselves, but taking on bosses is where it can get super tricky, especially towards the end of the first game which is just way harder than the rest for some reason (so the first game does seem to require grinding for levels and equipment). So the core gamplay is something I quite like, but I'm not a fan of how it often presents the story as text boxes appearing during the action where you're not going to be paying attention to them because you're busy, and honestly I don't much care for the story and characters anyway (and honestly why are there so many little girls in these games, they even turn characters into them in the second one). I do also enjoy the little gimmick of having straight-up idol music playing at certain times when you're powered up, and the music is just kinda good in general, so there is that. Decently fun games overall, there's not that much left to say about them. [3.5★]

Finally, I'm done catching up on this, future entries will just have their own posts. Hope you enjoy these poorly-made stream-of-consciousness mini-reviews!

Last post

Next post

[veebs-hates-video-games]

Ok time to go through some more small things quickly because I'm getting behind.

Will You Snail?

More fun and interesting than I expected. I wasn't really sure what I was getting into beyond it being cheap and having tons of positive reviews, but it turned out to be a precision platformer where you play as a snail (and can wear another smaller snail as a hat), and it's about the fear of AI literally taking over the world and whether reality is really real. Also the AI is an asshole and spontaneously spawns bullshit spikes and lasers and stuff exactly where it thinks you're about to go so you have to contend with that in addition to just making it through each room.

I had a good enough time to finish the story and get somewhere north of 50% completion, but I don't really see myself doing the optional stuff like beating everything on the highest difficulty. The auto-difficulty kept me somewhere in the 2-3 range out of 4 95% of the time with very rare spikes to 4, and with me getting worse at stuff like this over time as my reactions get slightly slower, my vision gets worse, and my brain just gets generally weird, I don't really see a point in pushing myself harder just to frustrate myself.

Lara Croft GO

It only took me forever to get around to this one, which I probably would've forgotten about if someone didn't gift me a copy a few days ago. Basically you, uh, raid tombs. Big surprise, I know, but this time it's a turn-based puzzle game. I liked the puzzles enough and different mechanics they introduced enough to finish it because some of them were reasonably clever/satisfying, but I'm not sure if I'll bother with the extra ones after the credits roll. Toward the end after I got the hang of it I tended to finish levels without having to retry more than a couple times, but just knowing I'd have to start over entirely for every mistake or misclick makes it less enjoyable.

I'm pretty sure it's my second favorite Tomb Raider game now, and one of only two I've ever finished. The other was the 2013 reboot, which I thought was great. I tried the sequel to that and didn't really like all the changes they made to the formula because they all made it less fun for me, and I always thought the pre-reboot ones were just bad. To be fair I heard the later ones did get better and I never tried any of those, but the PS1 era games were anti-fun for me.

I'LL KILL HER

More of a digital comic book than anything, like a visual novel with an extreme emphasis on the visual part and no decision making. The art style was enough to get my interest to try it, and that's probably the main thing it has going for it. The story is...fine? Not super deep or original and feels like it maybe has some translation or non-native English issues sometimes, but it all fits together well enough in the end I guess. All of the content warnings for this one for stuff like abuse and domestic violence and suicide.

Cris Tales

Somehow this is the only one of these that I gave up on before finishing it. A lot of stuff in it is absolutely gorgeous (go watch the animated intro, seriously), and I was getting into the setting and some of the themes it was hinting at, and the time shifting mechanics are pretty neat both for exploration and combat, but I just don't really enjoy playing the game very much.

Society has advanced beyond the need for random encounters, but Cris Tales has not. Good thing it has irritatingly long load times for each one, at least on the Switch, and it has to do it again going back from the battle screen to the main overworld. And I really am not into how the combat encounters are balanced. Even basic trash enemies a few hours into the game can do absurd amounts of damage, like 40+ when your characters barely have over 100 hp. You can reduce that with timed button presses like Paper Mario/Mario RPG games, but the animations while pretty are really bad at conveying the actual correct timing for stuff.

Basically I like most things about the game except for actually playing it. Well, it's fine in towns I guess, but there's too much other stuff I'm not into for that to make up for it. Oh, and the voice acting isn't terrible or anything, but it's definitely worse than most things I've played this year with voice acting and didn't really do it for me. Also it has the most basic and obvious bug that I'm mildly surprised I've never seen in anything else: it counts the entire time the game is suspended while the Switch is asleep toward your play time. I apparently spent 60 hours on the game, when really it was about 3.

[killscreencinema]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES)

I remember being so excited to play this when it came out in 1989! I was living in the country at the time when my parents had the terrible notion that it would be fun to live on a farm out in the middle of nowhere for no particular reason. I should add that despite having farmland, we didn't do any farm stuff, so the whole experiment turned out to be a pointless exercise in tearing me away from the familiarity I had worked hard to get comfortable with at my first school and starting all over again in a new school.

I'm going on this tangent to say that I was at a point in my life when I looked to games like TMNT, or Super Mario 3 (which also came out around this time), as a life raft of sorts to keep me from dying of boredom. I have a vivid memory of my uncle picking up this game and Simon's Quest while coming over to our house to visit and accidentally running his car into a ditch on the way over. My dad had to pick him up and when he got to the house, he handed me the games and was like: "These had better be worth it."

They really weren't... but I didn't really know it at the time. Not yet.

You see, as a child in the 80s living on a non-functional farm, with no cable TV, and no neighbor kids to play with, I tended to have a lot more tolerance for crappy games because I was so starved for entertainment. Hell, I even rented Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, one of the worst NES games ever made, around this time and made the best of it. Plus, this was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which I was obsessed with, and I hadn't yet a basis of comparison with the arcade game because I hadn't even seen it yet (although it came out the same year). So it was beyond my understanding that it could be anything but a good game, and I think a lot other kids at the time felt the same way.

It wasn't until the Angry Video Game Nerd reviewed this back in 06 that someone finally perfectly articulated why this game was actually quite bad.

I'm not about to defend it, as it is definitely not a good game, but I will go so far as to say it's at least functional... sometimes. It's playable when you're not dealing with slow down and flickering enemies. However, it's entirely too difficult - like, unfairly difficult. The game finds cheap ways to knock off your health, whether it's enemies attacking you while you're helpless on a ladder the moment you enter a new screen or the dreaded electrical seaweed in the underwater bomb disposal level (the stopping point for many an 80s kid).

A large part of what sucks about this game is how absolutely terrible every turtle is besides Donatello. Yes, he has great reach with his bo staff, we all know this (although I would argue in the later games it's not as long a reach as we remember), but it's also quite powerful, usually capable of killing most enemies in one hit. Whereas the rest of the turtles have to dispense multiple hits with their piddling little weapons before vanquishing anyone. Good luck landing those hits before taking damage yourself, especially with Raphael or Michelangelo, whose attacks are a joke. You can find secondary projectile weapons, like throwing stars or the scroll weapon (which is the best weapon in the game consequently), that great help making the rest of the turtles playable, but those are finite, so you have to use them wisely.

Another frustrating aspect of the game is the non-linear gameplay. You have a traverse a map and find the correct level in order to advance in the game (so for example, if you're trying to rescue April O'Neill, you have find which building or sewer level she is being held). Often, you have to find an item in order to even open up the rest of the map first. So unless you had a walkthrough, which most of us didn't back in the day, it's trial and error looking for this shit, all the while your turtles' health is being chipped away with each deadend, and if all the turtles die, it's game over. Oh, and you only get two continues, so good luck 8-year-old Craig, ya little pissant!

The one thing that I will say this game has going for it, that still holds up today, is the music. That opening beat for the title screen will forever be burned in my brain, as will the overworld map music and the first level music. I'm not as familiar with the music in the later levels because I haven't ever had a chance to play them until now by cheating my ass off using the rewind feature in the Cowabunga Collection, but that music is pretty decent too.

Revisiting this game as an adult, and experiencing its absurd difficulty and needlessly confusing gameplay, I can safely say it's an entry from the TMNT video game franchise best left forgotten when you can play the myriad of excellent beat 'em ups instead.

[moonlitkilljoy]

👋🏻🤠 it’s the Pacific Rim anon back again! You are so right for getting me to watch it.

First off, the soundtrack blew my dick off. I never knew I wanted to see a big robot punch a big lizard with some heavy metal shred in the background.

I also adore the connection of the kaiju coming from the pacific. As someone who lives on the ring of fire, there’s the constant danger of fault lines buckling, tsunamis, volcanoes, etc so the fact that the destructive mega titans are coming from the pacific completely tracks lmao. And the fact that humanity’s poisoning of the planets ecosystems makes it more viable for terraforming?? It scratched the marine bio itch in my brain.

Oh yeah and the entire central plot of letting people into your brain and having them see your entire being in moments and choosing to trust and work with this person. The mortifying ordeal of being perceived but you run a huge robot with that. That you can share these bonds with people no matter how many times in the past you’ve been through suffering, you can always let people back in and it will hurt but in the end it’s what keeps you going. Maybe I cried 4 separate times watching it, what about it????

Newt and Hermann. My god. Right and left brain math and biology brain and heart. Insert picture of that Chihuahua dog crying and biting the pillow. 

Anyway, I loved it! Tumblr is always supplying banger media to consume. Now to find a copy of Goncharov!

HI!!! IT'S LOVELY TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN!! I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!! I actually saw that I got this ask while I was in the midst of rewatching Pacific Rim flgjdkflg

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT, THE SOUNDTRACK IS SO GOOD!!! Plus, I completely failed to think about the ring of fire!!!! that's such a good point!! AND THE WHOLE CONNECTION TO GLOBAL WARMING?? FUCK, DUDE, IT'S SO GOOD. AND!! I totally get the marine bio thing!!! this movie is VERY good at scratching my biology brain in the perfect way (not to mention my math brain, but thats just a whole nother thing. i, a guy who likes numbers, see a guy who likes numbers and lose my fucking mind immediately).

YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE CENTRAL PLOT. PACIFIC RIM IS A MOVIE ABOUT SAVING THE WORLD WITH ROBOTS POWERED BY LOVE AND THE POWER OF HUMAN CONNECTION AND VULNERABILITY. I honestly couldn't have phrased it better myself though, "That you can share these bonds with people no matter how many times in the past you’ve been through suffering, you can always let people back in and it will hurt but in the end it’s what keeps you going." is incredibly poetic and sums up EXACTLY what makes the movie great. I cried so so fucking much as well, you're so valid.

NEWT AND HERMANN. I love these gay scientists so fucking much. I'm an expert, you can trust me on this. The fucking fact that them not being drift compatible wasn't even a possibility to think about makes me lose my fucking mind (evidently, seeing as I made a post about that exact thing fdgjlkdfj). I love their dynamic so much and I love them with my entire heart. Here's a screenshot, just for you, of a wip screenshot redraw of them that I've been working on :-)

(mario creatures are there because my girlfriend and I were playing super paper mario when I started sketching this ^^; oops)

I am delighted to have supplied you with some great media!!!! Feel free to dm me or send some more asks if you ever wanna chat more about it >:] or even if you have any art requests, or smth or other :D i'd prolly also be able to recommend you some pacrim fics, if thats your thing— i've accumulated quite a few in the last two/three weeks or so

And, again, i'm SO glad you liked it ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

LET ME KNOW IF YOU FIND THAT COPY, PLEASE AND THANK YOU <3

[kobalent]

i got the nintendo switch online expansion for thd eventual promise of Kirby and the Amazing Mirror to the GBA library (which i've wanted to play since reading about it in my Club Nintendo magazines back in the day!!!! but never had a GBA) and i've been playing Mario Kart Super Circuit because it's like the only mario kart i hadn't played and i simultaneously think it's the worst game in the franchise and it also has the coolest shortcuts.

like the driving in general feels Not Great™ but there's a part in Ribbon Road (the same track in MK8DX!) where you can take two boosts before the first ramp and hold right at a specific time to fly through the track and skip a pretty significant portion of it! too early or too late and you fall out of bounds and Lakitu takes their sweet time putting you in a really bad respawn, but if you nail it you save a solid 15 seconds and if you're playing grand prix you don't have to worry about CPUs because they don't have enough time to rubber band to catch up

i mostly got the nso expansion to play through Splatoon 2 Octo Expansion (which i will get to soon!) since i got a used copy of the game and also to use the ACNH dlc that is included, but i do like the emulators they have because of the rewind feature. i played Mother 1 (Earthbound Origins) a couple years back and absolutely loved it because i figured out how to manipulate RNG to deal more damage and have the enemies miss their attacks lol i hear the N64 emulator they have isn't good but i really like the rewind feature (over regular save states since i don't have to manually set them) because it makes me feel like a TASer :)

okay all of that kinda reads as an advertisement so here's a little rant: the old games are really easy to find online and if that is the main reason you'd get the nso expansion i recommend to save yourself the money lol heck, my favorite way to play Zelda OoT is the Ship of Harkinian PC port because it adds a ton of accessibility, customization, and randomizer options and i think its now compatible for multiworld OoT and Majora's Mask and that is awesome! old games are much better in the hands of fans and nintendo should just make them open source instead of gatekeeping them and forcing us to buy them in some way every single time they release a new console. imagine if they released official mod tools for their gamecube engine?? i would kill for a way to easily create custom Mario Sunshine levels.

anyways, piracy is always a moral and correct choice!

[ofmoonlitmagic]

He didn't have to see her eyes to know the look in them, he could close his eyes and see her clearly. There was no one on this earth he knew better than the woman in the driver's seat. They spoke a million things before ever giving them voice, so he did know. He knew everything. Whatever happened in those two years, he knew, at the end of it all, she'd be waiting there for him. The worse thing that could have been done to him was a world where he couldn't die, but between justice for himself and ridding the world of the ones who stripped the very will to live from her body, it was an easy choice. He make it every time.

"It's my car," he countered, laughing as he could practically hear the 'what's yours is mine' retort coming. "Alright, yeah, consider it." His brow rose as he didn't exactly move back in his seat, "well, tempting you is what I do best. Well, one of the things I do best."

Though she wouldn't accept she saved him, Briggs would always believe she had. He was at one of his lowest points when he met her, and she had let all the sunlight back in to his world--no, that's not entirely right, she let the sunlight in for maybe the first time. If he hadn't met her, he couldn't say where he'd be. Honestly, he didn't want to think about it. He had met her, or she had been sent to him. Coincidence had nothing to do it. The only person he ever would have loved was Billie, and the future had never been brighter.

Shaking his head, amusement still mingling in the air, he joked, "well, one of us had to be looking for the brakes." His features brightening as he heard her speak of the Mikaelson family as if they were her own, and they were. They didn't need legal paperwork to tell them she was a Mikaelson, his family was hers and they always had been. Leaning over, he brushed her hair back with his free hand to expose her neck before kissing up her skin to just under her jaw, then murmuring near her ear, "you gotta learn how to concentrate under distraction. I am helping." His lips curving in a grin as he finally moved back a little further, "uh, I didn't know that. Where do I sign away my escape route rights then?" Her comment brought a new wave of laughter, "me, smirk? That doesn't sound like me at all...are you sure?"

The more they talked about it, the more real it all seemed. He could envision it, and as great as the idea of being surrounded by family and friends sounded, there was something to doing this one more thing just the two of them. They had shared so many milestones privately, and with everything happening around them, the wedding might be clouded with more than joy. "When we were looking at rings the other day, I may have seen the one she's going to get, so who knows? That could be sooner than we think," he mused, before adding playfully, "but you didn't hear that from me." Shaking his head at her apology, he corrected with absolute and complete adoration, "or taken the turn easy. We're not in Mario Kart, baby." He could only imagine Zera in Vegas, just by the stories he'd heard about her. "We'd be chasing her down the whole time," he joked, "could you imagine her in a casino? I think watching her might be even more fun than being there for ourselves. Her and Klaus can be our witnesses, we'll tell them to meet us there, that'll make them both happy."

Leaning against his seat, he tilted his head to look at her, humming, "ah, 2.0, so I was close. Well, I don't think anything is as good as that, but I trust your gift-giving. Give me a hint. Can we use it in 2.0?" If she was inviting his touch to remain, then remain it would, and as her hand rose to his cheek, he leaned into it and turned slightly for a moment to place a quick kiss to her palm before returning his gaze. "Confident-ish? Wow. I better hurry up and marry you, we're losing the idyllic honeymoon period quick. All the faith, but a little doubt?" Meeting her eyes, he held the gaze for a bit longer. "You know, I gotta move if I'm gonna put this tent together...or hell, maybe I can do it from here. Not sure I know the spell for that though."

“Hell yeah I do” she grinned proudly, mischief alight in her eyes – even if he couldn’t quite see them, he would know it was all implied. Billie had always dreamed of a future with Briggs, especially in the bleakest moments of their lives. She had always dreamed of telling him how she felt, how he made her feel – and it was something that she thought of often after having been captured by the OEA. The pain of fearing that he wouldn’t know, that she wouldn’t have the chance to tell him, to thank him – outweighed any of the physical torture she endured. If only she knew then what she knew now, she truly would have been invincible. It should have felt impossible to ever recover from the heinous things that the OEA had done to them both, the life that had been taken away from them– but with him, from the first look when they found each other again, those memories couldn’t hurt her anymore. The OEA couldn’t have her, they couldn’t keep her.

“Sorry!” she chimed again, shooting both Briggs and the lambo an apologetic look as she grimaced too. “I’ll consider letting you drive us back home” she teased, before her eyes widened as he made a playful grab for the steering wheel, “don’t tempt me, because I’ll pull over right now, cars or no.”

As much as Briggs insisted that they had always taken care of each other, he had always ensured that Billie was put first. From finding her art supplies whenever he could, seeking out the snacks that she loved, or wrapping her in extra blankets at night when she shivered but insisted that she wasn’t cold. They had loved each other in beautiful ways over the years, even if the words weren't ready to have been spoken, they knew. Her happiest memories all included him, the adventures they made for themselves, for the life that they had – even when they didn’t have much. Her eyes drifted from the road once again, but this time falling against the lace secure around her finger, coaxing an imminent smile from her as she revelled in the thought that this was her life now. He was her life. 

“Nuh uh, baby you can’t get that past me” she teased, her shoulders convulsing with her laughter “you know that i’ll do anything to help out the family.” Family, what a concept; the reminder continued to make her feel giddy. A subtle hum of appreciation eased from her lips, the rhythm of her heart becoming unsteady as she swallowed hard at the sensation of his hand easing up her thigh, “you’re supposed to be helping me concentrate” she teased before shaking her head with playful defiance, “definitely after, I have to be legally bound to you to make sure there’s no escape before revealing everything. That’s like marriage 101.” A smile tugged at the corners of her lips, attempting to force composure as she hummed, “I don’t even have to be looking at you to know that you’re smirking right now.” 

Billie knew how excited Zera was going to be about the promise of a wedding, Blossom, his moms, and Klaus too – but there was a part of her (a rather large part, actually) that wouldn’t hate the idea of it just being the two of them, finally able to do something for themselves without the fear of judgement or stepping on the toes of the people they loved. Billie would marry him tonight in a heartbeat, even if she was wearing shorts and a hoodie, it’d still be perfect. “He might” she teased, giving the idea more consideration than she perhaps should have given everything at stake, “but it’d be so worth it just to be married to you – besides, we can just save up all his wedding ideas for him and Camille.” The sharp left turn warranted another apology, before a giggle escaped her lips at his cuss, “sorry – probably should have used a blinker or something” before grinning, “Zera would love Vegas, all those bright lights and shiny costumes? – oh man, we’re so going to Vegas with Zera.”

The stop was a little abrupt, but at least they had stopped and Billie’s fast and furious debut was over and they were emerging from the encounter unscathed. The suggestive quirk of his brow caused for the butterflies to return and she couldn’t contain her giggle, her stomach knotting as she ached to give him the real gift early. Never before had she felt so powerless than the night of that first full moon, but now – now she could spare him from that. “You’re thinking of the gift 2.0” she corrected playfully, “this gift isn’t as good as that, or you might think so, but it’s a really close second.” Her grin returned, her hand resting against his as she continued to invite the touch to stay, before reaching for his cheek her free hand “I am always shocked and amazed by you, I’m confident this will be no different.” Feigning thought she added, “confident – ish. I still think we should have brought one of those pop up ones” she teased, running her thumb against his dimpled cheek, “but I trust you, baby. I have all the faith.“

[ichayalovesyou]

Loving your Goncharov posts. Can’t wait for your Goncharov playlist. Who would you cast if making Goncharov today?

Oooh! That’s a toughy! I’ll do my best!

Goncharov: Oscar Isaac

Period drama with protagonist with a moral corruption arc, a looming sense of doom, a really frayed but sexy fucked up relationship with his wife while also coming off as incredibly bisexual? Who else could you POSSIBLY want?!

Mario: James Frain

He’s a conniving boot licker in Tron: Legacy as Jarvis, and a stone cold bitch as Sarek in the new Star Trek shows, Mario is somewhere in that ballpark so why not?!

Andrey: Michael Fassbender

Fassbender is sooooo good at simultaneously being extremely emotionally raw and cold and calculating and I swear to gawd if that ain’t Andrey he’s soooooo, gawd, such a juicy role. Plus I think it would be sick to see Oscar and Michael chew on the scenery together and be well… Like That. As Goncharov and Andrey

Michailov: Adrien Brody

I’ve said before that I’d love to see a Wes Anderson take in these film and Adrien Brody is in like all of Anderson’s movies and he’s always playing stuck up little hard asses like Katya’s brother so I think that works super well!

Katya: Elle Fanning

MAN I love Elle Fanning I can’t tell you how much I need this. Between the Maleficent films and also THE GREAT (she’s already a Russian aristocrat I mean come ON) she could totally pull the ‘disillusioned old money trophy wife’ thing easy! I NEED her to be Katya I neeeeeeeed it!!

Sofia: Jesse James Keitel

I mean… just LOOK at her??? Amazing, hardened chaotic and queer tough chick I mean please, Keitel can and has absolutely ROCKED that shit and would do it again, Captain Angel but make it 1970s mafia sapphic I mean that’s just CORRECT

Ice Pick Joe: Steve Buscemi

I know he doesn’t do a lot of on camera stuff anymore but god this man is so good in Fargo and I love it when he plays baddies and I think he could really lean into Joe’s homicidal tendencies with that sly voice I associate with Randall from Monsters Inc who also spooked me as a kid.

[megumin-jjk]

Ayooooo can I get a hcs for Nanami, Gojo, Inumaki, Toji (or Megumi) going to a scary mazes with their s/o? I low key miss Halloween and the spookiness of it 😩

JJK + Scary Mazes with their S/O

A/n: thank you for requesting!! This took me a good few hours because I literally do not think after I wake up from a nap. I hope this is ok 😅

Characters: Megumi Fushiguro, Nanami Kento, Gojo Satoru, Toji Fushiguro, Toge Inumaki

Requests: open

Megumi Fushiguro

He takes you out to a corn maze with all the witches and crows !!

I can guarantee that you two will argue about directions for a good 10 minutes until he says some scientific thing about the stars that makes him correct

You’d think he’d be so calm and collected and yes, that him half the time there but the other half is him standing frozen solid in fear.

He loves it when you tug on his sleeve, asking to run or lend his jacket. knowing your boyfriend, he won’t budge an inch until you say pretty please.

His only goals are for you to have fun, keeping you safe, and make sure you’re not too scared even though he’s the one about to pee himself.

Will take your hand in his and make the both of you use your pointer finger so he can guide your hands to a star

Nanami Kento

Let’s you use his work jacket so you can cover yourself over your head to shield you from the cold.

Lightly says things like, “I never took you for being such a baby.” But will let you hide yourself into his side when get you scared right after saying, “I am definitely not!” As an “I told you so”

Will extend his arm so that it’s around you and will plant his hand from that arm on top of your head as you two walk.

He will tilt your head up with that hand, asking you to look him in the eye when scared.

He’s utterly immune to the clowns’ scares that the actors themselves are genuinely confused.

Makes the most deadpan comments and expressions that you can’t help but laugh

Satoru Gojo

He is LITERALLY the type of person you cannot take anywhere even if he wasn’t your s/o

WILL absolutely compare you to one of the characters

“That looks like you. Kidding” he laughed. “Toru!” You gasped, lightly slapping his chest.

Says he’s “the strongest” but he’s the one jumping 4 feet off the ground or hiding behind you when someone scares him

Insists on you holding his hand the entire time as if you’re the one who’s scared

Screams at random moments just to make you and the people around you jump

Toji Fushiguro

He’s not scared at the slightest but will mutter a string of curses as he has the most vulgar mouth

He whispers in your ear to calm you but tries to make it flirtatious at the same time ?

He makes things like, “shhh quiet, sweetheart” sound so hot ???

Utterly invested in the costumes and the setting that you’re the one having to drag him around.

Suddenly Becomes a costume and design critique at this very moment

Kisses you once you two reach the end, telling you that you did great

You two wear matching plain, navy crewneck sweaters and it’s so cute

Toge Inumaki

He’s more pissed than scared whenever a jump scare happens, yelling a “salmon” as if he’s just lost a round of Mario kart.

Places himself in the crook of your neck with a pout right after and when you tease him, he bites your neck

DOESNT think of the consequences because now he just got bonked on the head by his s/o

Tells you that he feels sick because he drank an entire bottle of soda before coming on this date

He’s the type of scared that will pass out at any moment if you don’t hold his hand and pepper kisses all over his face to reassure him

Actually, he’s very dramatic. He just wants your physical touch.

[whoacanada]

Zimbits - Bartender!Jack + NHL!Bitty AU

Prompt: Retired NHL player Jack Zimmermann takes ownership of a sports bar in Pittsburgh and accidentally falls for the Penguins’ (closeted) new left winger.

A/N - just the start, I’d like to get around to more of this; the basic idea was an It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia AU, but I couldn’t manage to make everyone that terrible so Jack owns and operates a gay sports bar and starts crushing on one of his patrons.

“Can’t believe you’ve owned this place since ’89.” Jack coughs, waving the dust away from his face. “Did you ever come back after we moved home?”

It’d be disingenuous to say Jack had been expecting anything other than cigars and whiskey when his father had invited him on a trip down to Pittsburgh to see Mario and glad-hand some Penguins sponsors. In fact, he’d kind of been looking forward to sulking and getting shit-faced, not limping around a condemned building dodging roaches and rats.

“It was an investment opportunity. That was the trend back then, famous athletes buying up restaurants and clubs — I had big plans for this building. Then your mother got pregnant and I realized I didn’t really give two shits about running a nightclub.”

“Realized you were pretty lazy, huh?”

As Bob laughs, Jack picks at the peeling, lacquered bartop, trying not to imagine how many decades of grime he’s just collecting under his nail, the situation made even more disgusting in such close proximity to the glittering gold championship ring his father had insisted he wear to their lunch meeting with the Penguins front-office suits. Jack flicks the gunk away as Bob levels him with a weighty look, hands braced in the air as if outlining a play and not offering a tour of a cobweb-filled dive.

“Here’s my thought,” Bob says. “The bar. It’s yours.”

Jack leans against the counter, taking some weight off his braced leg, and asks, “What’s mine?”

“This place,” Bob gestures around the room. “The whole building. It’s just sitting here, empty, the bar, the liquor license, there’s apartments and office space upstairs, we’d just need to do some renovations and —“

Jack can’t help himself. He barks a laugh and says, “I’m not moving to Pittsburgh.”

“How many times have you and I talked about opening a sports bar? I’d wanted to get this place fixed up so it’d be ready when you retired, but since the final — you could make it a gay bar, even, if you wanted!” Bob says quickly, offering another awkward olive branch. “A gay sports bar. I wouldn’t care.”

“A gay sports bar. In Pittsburgh,” Jack echoes, reaching for a chirp to defend himself, but he closes him mouth as he realizes a sports bar run by a Zimmermann might not be a terrible investment idea. “The building needs a ton of work,” Jack settles. “I just saw a rat.”

“That was a mouse,” Bob dismisses, not bothering to look at the rat still clearly in view. “Nothing that can’t be fixed. Got a dollar?”

Jack pats his pockets, finds a spare looney and hands it over. Bob doesn’t hesitate, pulling an envelope out of his back pocket to exchange for the coin.

“Congratulations. You are now the proud owner of,” Bob looks around helplessly. “I actually don’t know what they call this place now. A Bar?”

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out.” Jack swallows against the tightness in his throat, holding the deed carefully in his hands. “Thanks, Dad.”

Bob brings Jack in for a loose hug and they both ignore the soft squeaking coming from the backroom.

Five Years Later

There’s a man examining the announcement board in the vestibule, and Jack knows that posture: the forward hip cant, thick thighs, a small but definite bubble butt — guy’s a hockey player, and he has been for some time.

“Hey. Hi.”

Blondie spins around at Jack’s address. Not quite startled, but something close enough that Jack feels a twinge of guilt. “You interested in playing in our beer league? You look like you might know your way around a rink.”

The man quickly looks at his chest, as if expecting to find something displayed, but relaxes immediately. Jack fights a grin, he was once old hat at wandering into public spaces decked out in identifiable team merch.

“Bitty.” The man squares up to offer his hand; his accent is warm and distinctly southern, not at all what Jack was expecting. “You can call me Bitty.”

“Oh, with a nickname like that, you have to play, now, no excuses,” Jack gives Bitty’s arm a firm shake, surprised at how complementary his grip is; not just an overcompensating bro who’s walked into the wrong club.

“If only I had the time,” Bitty placates wryly. “Is this place new?”

“Been here a few years, but not long. How about you? Are you ‘new’? In town, I mean.”

“Moved for work,” Bitty’s smile is timid, eyes darting around the room looking for other patrons, up at the memorabilia and the various pennants. “First year. Slowly learning the area.”

Jack doesn’t miss the way Bitty’s eyes linger on the Pride flag draped from the second floor railing, but Bitty doesn’t mention it, and Jack isn’t in the business of prying.

“Let me be the first to welcome you to The Bar.”

“I saw that outside, do you not have a name?”

“We weren’t creative. The owner didn’t realize he was filling in the wrong line on the business license so we are literally called ‘The Bar’.”

“That’s actually pretty solid,” Bitty laughs, the sound lifting Jack’s mood easily. “I’ll have to make sure I come back and patron your establishment at a reasonable hour.”

“What you aren’t interested at getting sloshed before noon?”

Bitty laughs, and Jack is enough of an adult to recognize he’s got a tiny bit of a crush.

______

True to form, Bitty slowly becomes a feature of Jack’s early afternoons. The first few weeks, he does little more than quietly purchase a single domestic beer before tucking himself away in a corner booth, hunched over his phone, ball cap pulled low for discretion. Jack gives him space, and aside from a few curious regulars, Bitty is little more than another closeted young man seeking quiet sanctuary.

That is, until, hockey kicks up and Mario hooks Jack up with season tickets beside the bench. It’d taken time for Jack to get comfortable with being in an arena again, especially without the ability to step onto the ice himself, but he’s acclimated and learned to appreciate his new lot in life. He can be happy for his success and mourn the end of his career with equal measure.

(Doesn’t hurt he still gets asked for autographs on the regular.)

Bittle, the new forward traded out of Columbus, spins to whip the puck between Lundqvist’s thighs and the score is 3-2 with a minute left in the third. Jack stands to cheer with the crowd as Bittle’s pulled into a celly with his line mates, and the new angle gives Jack a good look at the man’s sunny face, complete with a familiar, bright smile and missing canine. Jack’s heart leaps into his throat when he realizes Bittle is ‘Bitty’, and Jack can’t help but cheer louder.

________

After the game, Jack does his homework. Pulls up stats pages and articles on Eric Bittle. Looking to link the quiet hottie from his bar with the energetic man he saw tonight on the ice. If Jack wasn’t in love before, he absolutely is after watching highlights from Bittle’s time in Columbus.

The next time Jack finds Bitty slipping into the bar, probably between practice and a good nap, Jack makes his move; filling a pint glass, wedging an orange slice on the rim, and adjusting his shirt before striding to the corner booth as easily as one can with a titanium femur.

“On the house,” Jack says, setting down the glass gently. “Choice goal, Tuesday. Great bounce.”

Bitty’s grateful smile falters, turning into something guarded.

“What goal?” Bitty asks, voice steady, and Jack’s immediately alerted to his misstep. Jack casts a careful eye around the room and doesn’t find anyone watching, kicking himself for not thinking this through. He’s used to playing this game with guys who aren’t quite comfortable, who might be visiting with the wrong people, but he hasn’t had to do the closeted-pro-athlete dance in a while.

“You know, I must have been mistaken.”

“Happens all the time. Very sweet of you, though.” Bitty apologizes and pushes away the beer, but Jack waves him off. It’s the least Jack can do for calling the guy out.

“I should have known,” Jack tries to recover. “You’ve still got all your chiclets. But, between you and me, Bittle’s a spitfire, eh? Crazy soft hands. I’d like to meet him someday.”

Jack whistles low, rapping his knuckles on the table before turning back to the bar, moving slowly enough he catches the way Bitty’s cheeks flare pink at the compliment.

About thirty minutes later, Jack, half focused on counting down the till, nearly misses Bitty’s exit. He looks up to offer a parting wave, and Bitty returns the gesture, flashing a shy, incomplete smile; one canine missing on the left side.

________

“Anything new to report? Sales look good, think you might be able to take some time off and visit your poor parents?”

Jack slides open a window to let some air into his bedroom, not for the first time wishing he’d taken the chance to tear out a wall and convert a corner of the top floor into a balcony. There’s still time — his father never seems to wary of giving Jack renovation loans — but Jack loves his condo and hates the idea of relocating again, even temporarily.

“New distillery opened, cut a deal on some local gin. We’re working on drink specials, if you have any ideas for names I’m open,” Jack eases onto the windowsill and looks down at the line of people waiting to get into the bar. “And I met someone. Think he might be a hockey player.”

“No shit? Beer-league?”

“NHL.” Jack corrects, an edge of caution in his tone he knows his father won’t misinterpret. “Started coming around a few months ago, gave me a fake name. Went to a game last week, scored right in front of me.”

“Well, you going to tell me who or am I going to have to guess?”

“He’s keeping to himself,” Jack holds the curtain steady to catch sight of a particularly flashy person in a glittering teal gown, texting Holster to snag a photo for the bar’s Instagram. “Don’t go hunting.”

“Well, if he needs any help you let me know.”

“What could you do?”

“I don’t know. Talk to . . . someone. I guess.”

“I’ll keep that under advisement.” Jack placates, smiling at the saucy photo Ransom texts back immediately of Holster lifting their favorite Drag Race runner-up above his head like something out of Dirty Dancing.

“So.”

“Mmm?”

“Does this mean you’ve got a little boyfriend, again?”

Jack leans out over the railing and tries to see if the universe has blessed him with a sighting of his favorite new Left Winger. Sadly, it’s Saturday evening and the Penguins are in Dallas, so no Eric tonight. 

“Working on it.” Jack offers, rapping his knuckles lightly against the window sill and trying not to think about the way Bittle’s face lights up when he sees that Jack is working. “Think I might really have a shot at something.”

“Well, you know what Wayne always says.”

“I do,” Jack breathes, pressing his forehead against the cool glass, taking in his one-of-a-kind view of the city. “I’ll let you know how it goes. Once he gets back.”

“ — You know, I’ve got the game on right now. I bet you $1000 I can tell who you’ve got the hots for. You have a specific type — ”

“Papa.”

“Okay, I won’t.”

“Thank you.”

“But it’s the kid we just got from the Blue Jackets, isn’t it. Bittle? You always like the fast ones — ”

“Goodnight, Papa.”

[17tetsuro]

could u do fake dating headcanons where they slowly fall for u w atsumu, kenma & oikawa,, gn pronounces are fine :)

haikyuu boys slowly falling for you (fake dating edition) (gn!reader)

feat: atsumu, kenma, oikawa

warnings: fake dating, abuse of cliche tropes and commas and question marks, timeskip setting because im anything but creative, swearing

requests are open!

a/n: thank you for requesting this!! i hope you like it :D

atsumu

* you’ve been friends with him ever since high school and you watched his career grow

* youre both equally proud of each other n your friendship is built on mutual respect, trust and love

* you basically live in his apartment, with how much time you spend over there

* he would complain 24/7 about not having anyone to go to events with

* at one point you wanted to strangle him for never shutting up about it so you propose you go with him from time to time

* atsumu: “yeah, that was a setup”

* he KNOWS you’re drop dead gorgeous and everyone will be jealous of him that you’re with him (and you also look very good in formalwear, which he very much enjoys)

* and you get to have free food and drinks and also wear immaculate expensive clothes

* so,, you became his regular date for sponsorship events and stuff

* and you never really outright said you were just friends?? so you’re used to the media portraying you two as lovers but your close circle is aware that your relationship is platonic

* everything was going great until one of his sponsor company’s heir started hitting on you

* atsumu saw you flirting with the person and his mind went blank

* he,, he didn’t understand why he wanted to commit multiple crimes on the spot

* bokuto conveniently showed up next to atsumu at that moment

“hey, atsumu? why is your date flirting with them?” bokuto asked, suddenly appearing next to atsumu, which startled the latter out of his thoughts.

a better question would be why atsumu saw red at the thought of you getting friendly with anyone but him that night. he tried his best to keep his composure, but it was hard when you rested a hand on the heir’s shoulder, leaning your head back while laughing.

“atsumu, are you not going to answer me? your lover is-“

“my what?” atsumu asked, attention now completely off you.

“your lover? is that a term you don’t like? i could say partner... significant other... or anything you want, really,” bokuto answered, apologizing.

“you- you think me and (y/n) are together?”

“aren’t you? what, with the way you look at each other i was convinced you two were like... high school sweethearts or something, who hate pda,” bokuto explained, while atsumu’s eyes trailed back to you.

“you think... you think they’d wan’ me?”

“are you blind, buddy?”

you must have sensed their gazes, because as soon as those words left bokuto’s mouth, your eyes snapped towards atsumu and bokuto. the latter started waving with a cheerful smile while the former just stood, entranced by you and your presence. atsumu noticed traces of confusion appearing on your face, and watched as you excused yourself from the conversation you were previously interested in.

“‘tsumu, are you alright?” you questioned, approaching the pair. bokuto grinned and left, which made you even more confused.

“yeah, i’m fi- fine. hey, uh, (y/n), say... do you- why did you offer to come to these events as my date?” atsumu asked, eyes dead set on yours. you cracked a confused smile. you seemed to be capable of nothing but confusion at the moment.

“because you’re my best friend and i hated to see you so down because of your loneliness at these gatherings,” you replied, holding his gaze. “why didn’t you oppose it?”

his eyes studied you and when he saw nothing but sincerity, he let out a loud sigh. this was all very new and confusing to him. it’s like bokuto calling you atsumu’s lover set off a bomb inside his head that instead of causing a mess, made everything fall into place; why his gaze seemed to linger on you more often than before, why he was so eager to choose your outfits for these events, why he went to parties he didn’t even have to attend, why he got so jealous and angry when he saw you with the cute heir.

“holy shit,” he breathed and ran his hands through his hair, letting out a nervous chuckle and lowering his gaze to the ground. “holy shit.”

“you look like you’ve been enlightened, and i love that for you, but ‘tsumu, i’m still very confused.”

“i’m in love with you,” he said in disbelief, and quickly snapped his eyes back to your face when he realized he said it out loud. “i- i mean- i’m not in love with you, no way in hell, you’re- you’re my best friend, you- you smack my head whenever i say somethin’ inappropriate, you keep me from underminin’ myself, you always lift my spirits and for fuck’s sake, please, stop lookin’ at me like that because i will be getting hopeful and if you’re just joking, i will never hear the end of it and-“

you finally hd enough of his rambling and cut him off with a kiss. at first he froze, but seconds later he melted into your embrace, hands sneaking around your waist, pulling you closer.

when your lips separated, atsumu gasping for air after his word vomit and the long kiss you shared, you spoke up. “miya atsumu, you’re a real dumbass, you know that?”

his breath hitched and you kept quiet for a second to let him suffer a bit.

“but you’re my dumbass. i love you, you absolute piece of work.”

atsumu honest to god giggled and leaned in for another kiss, which you gave him without hesitation.

somewhere in the room, bokuto was collecting the money sakusa promised to give him if he got you two to kiss.

kenma

* kenma and you are both twitch streamers with similar content so you knew of each other but weren’t properly introduced

* until one of your mutual friends invited you both to stream among us with them

* you obv accepted

* so during the 3 hr stream, you and kenma were imposters together a lot and had the biggest, most twisted imp plays

* a friendly competition broke out at one point, too, trying to see who exposed the most impostors between the two of you

* your fans ate your dynamic up

* from then on, you two interacted more and started to appear in each others’ streams

* kenma even invited you to his minecraft smp

* you became besties basically

* SO

* all fun and games

* and then a huge sponsorship opportunity rolled in

* and the people at the company assumed you were dating

* uh oh

* you couldnt just tell them they have it wrong bc the whole thing depended on your relationship

* so

* big brain kenma suggest you two start to “date”

* you were against deceiving your followers but kenma assured you you could have a public breakup and tell everyone you were better off as friends

* so you reluctantly agreed

* it was only for two months anyways, what could go wrong?

* both of you, on week 3, in separate discord calls: uh oh, im in l*ve

* you both tried to cope (read: repress everything) but the realization on both of your parts threw your dynamic off a bit and fans have noticed

* so you had to do something abt it

* so kenma suggested you try your hand at a minecraft challenge together

* it was all fun and games until it wasnt

* you somehow ended up flirting back and forth ????

* chat was goin crazy, even in sub only mode

* both of you: ha ha im in danger

* when the stream ended, you stayed on call, because that was a routine you stuck to no matter what

“so... how are you doing?” you asked kenma, trying to clear the awkwardness from the air.

“good.”

maybe you should have taken kenma’s refusal to talk about anything into account when initiating conversation.

kenma, on the other end of the call was anxiously playing with his fingers, trying to figure out if his chat was right, and you were indeed flirting with him. and him with you. god.

“hey, y/n,” kenma said after a while, “were you flirting with me?”

his bluntness startled you and you had to mute yourself for a few seconds while you collected yourself.

“is there a correct answer?” you asked hesitantly.

“yes.”

“oh... uhm, maybe? it wasn’t intentional. or maybe it was, subconsciously, i don’t know,” you admitted quietly.

“good. it was intentional on my part, i think,” and okay, that was not the reply you expected to hear.

“really?”

“yeah, i- i like you i guess,” he said, sounding more confident by the minute. “do you like me too?”

“i- yeah. i do. i like you, kenma,” you replied, sighing a breath of relief. it felt good to admit it aloud to him.

“do you- would you maybe want to come over?” he asked sheepishly, which made absolutely no sense because he sounded so confident a second ago. “we could play mario kart?”

you let the beaming smile you were holding back take over your face. “i’ll be there in 10, kenma.”

“i’ll be waiting for you.”

oikawa

* on god mans hated your guts

* like,, okay, you were iwa’s close friend but you were so annoyingly honest all the time

* it drove him mad

* what also drove him mad is the fact that you loved to tease him

* no matter what the circumstance, whether he was in japan or in argentina, you always found a way to make him blush

* okay so maybe hate is a strong word, because he kind of thought you were pretty, but in a platonic way

* dumbass

* iwa always give both of you shit for not liking each other

* so you came up with a big brain idea

* you: ”oikawa! we should date!”

* oikawa: “what”

* after you explained the concept of fake dating to him and its benefits (which included a staged dramatic breakup, giving you both a reason to hate each other without iwa complaining)

* he was totally down

* iwa, when he first saw you holding hands: “i knew it”

* SO!! thus began weeks of pretending to be in love with each other for the sake of iwa

* which turned from pretending to not pretending real quick for your liking

* falling in love with oikawa was not a plan of yours

* (falling in love with you wasn’t his, either)

* with iwa’s constant nagging of “i knew it, you both were head over heels for each other from the moment you met”, the time for the breakup came quicker than expected (maybe you both had enough. so what.)

* you agreed to do it in front of iwa so he could see it happen

* you chose a mcdonalds parking lot, because then you could storm off and iwa would follow you to make sure you were ok and oikawa could go home and sleep

* maybe winging it was not the best idea

“babe,” you said with venom, “haven’t i told you a thousand times that i do not want to hear about your exes? seriously, it’s like the only thing you talk about,” you complained, as your fake-boyfriend took a sip from his drink.

“well, babe,” his tone matching yours, “i would shut up about them if took the hint sometimes. maybe i don’t like going to the movies as much as you seem to, it’s boring,” he rolled his eyes, subtly glancing at iwa, who looked very uncomfortable third wheeling your argument. good

“jerk. i don’t even want to go to the movies that much, asshole,” you spat, crushing your empty cup in your hand.

“oh, you want to go to the movies plenty. face it, (y/n), you’re boring. no wonder you didn’t have a boyfriend before me,” he replied and his words, even though you knew were fake, still hit hard and you couldn’t help the tears gathering in your eyes.

“okay, then, thanks for these wonderful past few weeks, so glad you decided to take pity on me.” you tried to keep acting, encouraging yourself with the fact that if oikwa meant what he said, you wouldn’t have to talk to him if iwaizumi finally saw you two break up.

you expected a lot of things, but genuineness in oikawa’s eyes was not one of them.

“(y/n), i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it like that,” oikawa pleaded, clearly forgetting about your mutual goal.

with a mumbled whatever, you started walking home, letting the sunset wash over your face. when you knew you were out of sight, you sat down on a bench and just started crying.

you don’t know how much time passed, but you heard a voice behind you speak up.

“hey (y/n).”

“what the fuck do you want, oikawa? to rub in the fact that my first boyfriend was just faking it so his best friend would get off his back? leave me alone, jerk,” you said, trying to wipe your tears away.

“i- i didn’t mean it like that, please, believe me,” he replied, taking a seat next to you. you scooted away from him. he sighed.

“why would i believe you? why do you want to make up, anyways? this fight was pretty real, no way iwaizumi didn’t believe it,” you sniffed.

“because maybe... maybe i was very happy about the fact that i could be your boyfriend, even if it was fake. maybe i’m in love with you,” he said softly, leaning towards you.

“please, stop playing games. it’s over,” you replied, trying very hard to ignore the raw emotion in his voice as he spoke.

“i really am, (y/n). i wasn’t at first, i admit it, but now i am. i love you, please, believe me,” he begged and you finally made eye contact with him. eyes were mirrors of the soul, after all.

you studied his face for a few minutes, looking for anything that could indicate he was trying to pull a shit prank on you, but you found nothing.

“asshole. maybe i’m in love with you too, what would you do if i said that?” you asked, wiping your nose with your sleeves.

“kiss you.”

“do it, then, i guess. but you’re still not completely forgiven.”

“what do i have to do to earn your forgiveness, (y/n)?” he asked and you sent him a mischievous smile.

“take the blame for this whole fiasco with iwaizumi.” he froze at your words and visibly gulped, but nodded nonetheless.

“okay, i will. can i kiss you now?”

you rolled your eyes. “yeah.”

and he did.