#that have hit the major news cycles at least

[xkurtwagner]

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[paddockletters]

we always come back to each other | charles leclerc

pairing: charles leclerc x reader summary: you thought you’d moved on, but when fate brings you and Charles back together during a race weekend, old feelings resurface. Can you break the cycle, or are some things too broken to fix? author's note as I always say... english is not my first language so sorry me if there are mistakes —feel free to tell me— and my requests are open!👀

The paddock was alive with its usual buzz—mechanics, journalists, fans, and the unmistakable scent of burning rubber in the air. As I walked through it, I couldn’t help but feel out of place. This used to be so familiar, second nature. Now, it felt foreign, like I was walking through a chapter of my life I wasn’t sure belonged to me anymore.

I hadn’t planned on coming back here. The breakup with Charles had been clean in some ways, at least on the surface. We had gone our separate ways, focused on our own lives, as if we hadn’t been each other's world for so long. But Monaco was a small city, and the world of Formula 1 even smaller.

I was here for work. That’s what I told myself. A quick interview with one of the drivers, a feature piece on the lifestyle surrounding the sport. I didn’t have to bump into him. I didn’t have to see him. At least, that’s what I kept repeating in my head.

But it felt inevitable.

The first memory hit me hard as I passed Ferrari’s garage. It was impossible to avoid. I could still remember the late nights standing beside him, just watching him talk to the team, his confidence radiating even after a hard race. The garage was always his sanctuary, but for a while, it had been mine too—until I realized there was no room for both of us.

“Y/N, hey!” A voice broke through my thoughts. I turned to see Carmen, George’s girlfriend, waving at me with a smile. She jogged over, her familiar energy cutting through the heavy emotions clouding my mind.

“Carmen,” I said, forcing a smile. We had bonded back when we were both still relatively new to the F1 scene, both trying to find our place in this chaotic world.

“It’s been ages,” she said, hugging me tightly. “What are you doing here? I didn’t think you’d be back after, you know…”

I winced. The breakup with Charles had been quiet, no major headlines, but the people in this circle knew. They always knew.

“I’m just here for work,” I replied, hoping she wouldn’t push further.

But Carmen had always been perceptive. She glanced over my shoulder, and I followed her gaze—straight to Charles, standing with his back to us, talking to Carlos Sainz and a few team members. My heart lurched in my chest. He looked so… unchanged. Like he had stepped straight out of my memories.

“You going to talk to him?” Carmen asked softly.

I shook my head quickly. “No, it’s… we’re not...”

Carmen gave me a knowing look, her lips curving into a sad smile. “I get it. But you know, we always find our way back to the people who matter, even if it’s painful.”

The flashbacks started coming harder as the day went on. Each familiar sight—a car being wheeled into the garage, a reporter setting up for an interview, the roar of engines—triggered memories I had tried so hard to bury.

One particular memory hit me like a punch in the gut.

We were in Charles’ apartment, lying in bed after a rare weekend off. The curtains fluttered gently in the breeze, and for a moment, it felt like the world outside didn’t exist. I remember tracing the outline of his jaw, feeling the soft stubble beneath my fingers.

"Do you think we'll always come back to each other?" I had asked him, my voice barely a whisper.

Charles had smiled, pulling me closer. "Always."

I had believed him. I believed that no matter what, we would always find a way back to each other, that nothing could break us apart.

But racing had. Racing had broken us apart piece by piece, and neither of us had known how to stop it.

Later that evening, after most of the media duties were done, I found myself lingering near the hospitality area. Carmen had long since left to find George, and I had promised myself I’d leave too. But instead, I sat down at a table with a glass of water, my mind still racing.

“Y/N?” A familiar voice cut through the noise.

The voice, soft yet achingly familiar. It was Charles, standing there with a hesitant look on his face. He seemed just as conflicted as I felt. His Ferrari gear clung to him, the red still as vibrant as I remembered, though the warmth in his eyes seemed a little dimmer.

For a moment, we just stared at each other. A wave of memories rushed through me—late nights in his Monaco apartment, his laughter echoing in my ear, the way he used to pull me close after a bad race. But those good memories were always followed by the bad. The fights, the cold silences, the feeling of being left behind while he sped off to the next track, the next race.

I didn’t know if I wanted to hug him or walk away. Instead, I forced a smile.

"Hey," I managed to say, my voice barely audible over the noise around us.

“Can I sit?” he asked, gesturing to the empty chair across from me.

I nodded, feeling a lump form in my throat. This was the moment I had been dreading, but also the one I couldn’t seem to avoid.

For a moment, neither of us spoke. It was strange, sitting there together after so much time apart. There were so many things I wanted to say, so many questions I wanted to ask, but the words felt stuck in my throat.

His name felt strange on my lips, like I had forgotten how to say it. But it didn’t stop the memories from crashing in. All the times I had called his name—after his wins, his losses, his moments of doubt. But now, it was like we were strangers.

"You look... good," Charles finally said, breaking the silence.

I forced a small smile. "So do you."

He chuckled softly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s been a while.”

I nodded. “Yeah, it has.”

“How… how have you been?” he asked, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. The confident driver the world saw wasn’t sitting here right now. This was just Charles, the man I had loved, who had broken my heart without even realizing it.

“I’ve been good,” I lied. I couldn’t bring myself to admit how lost I had been without him, how empty my life felt after we ended things. “Busy, you know. Work.”

“Yeah, same,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s good to see you.”

I nodded, even though it hurt. Seeing him wasn’t good. It wasn’t easy. It was like reopening a wound that had barely begun to heal.

“I heard you’ve been doing some great things,” he added, his voice low. “I always knew you would.”

I swallowed hard, trying to keep it together. “Thanks.”

The tension between us was thick, almost suffocating.

“I never wanted things to end the way they did,” he said quietly, his voice heavy with regret. “I didn’t want to lose you.”

I swallowed hard, feeling a wave of emotions crash over me. “Then why did you let it happen?”

He looked down at his hands, the silence stretching between us. “I don’t know. I thought I could balance everything—racing, us. But I guess I couldn’t. And by the time I realized it, it was too late.”

A bitter laugh escaped my lips. “Yeah, it was.”

Charles’ eyes met mine, and for a moment, I saw the Charles I had fallen in love with—the one who had made me believe we could survive anything. But that Charles had been lost to the world of F1 long ago.

“We always come back to each other,” he said softly, repeating the words we had once whispered in the dark.

I shook my head, tears stinging my eyes. “Maybe we do, but it doesn’t mean we should.”

Charles looked like he wanted to argue, but he didn’t. Instead, he just sat there, staring at me like he was trying to memorize my face all over again.

“I don’t think I can keep coming back,” I whispered, my voice cracking.

Flashbacks of happier times haunted me as I walked away from him. The late nights spent watching movies in his apartment, the way he would wrap his arms around me after a tough race, whispering promises of forever. But those moments felt distant now, like memories from another life.

The silence stretched between us, heavy and awkward. But before I could come up with an excuse to leave, I heard another voice.

“Y/N? Is that you?”

I turned to see Pascale, Charles’ mother, approaching us with a smile. My heart twisted painfully at the sight of her. I hadn’t just lost Charles when we broke up; I’d lost his whole family. Pascale had always treated me like a daughter, inviting me to Sunday dinners and family events. Seeing her now reminded me of what I’d walked away from.

“Hi, Pascale,” I said, forcing another smile.

“It’s been so long,” she said, pulling me into a hug before I had a chance to protest. “How have you been?”

I caught Charles’ gaze over her shoulder and felt my throat tighten. “I’ve been okay. Just, you know, work keeps me busy.”

Pascale smiled warmly, but her eyes flicked between me and Charles, clearly picking up on the tension. “Well, it’s lovely to see you both. I always thought you made such a wonderful team.”

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. Once upon a time, we had been a team. But that was a lifetime ago.

“I should get going,” I said quickly, stepping back from her. “Lots of interviews to do.”

Charles’ face fell slightly, but he didn’t say anything. Pascale gave me a sympathetic smile, squeezing my hand. “It was so nice to see you, ma chérie.”

As I walked away, I could feel their eyes on me, but I didn’t turn back. I didn’t trust myself to. I needed to get out of there, to breathe.

I found myself sitting at dinner with some of the other drivers and their girlfriends. Carmen sat beside me, giving me a reassuring smile. Pierre and Kika were across the table, laughing together, completely in sync. Even Lando sat with his latest girlfriend, radiating joy.

I felt like an outsider.

Midway through dinner, Kika leaned over, her eyes full of sympathy. “You know, Y/N, Charles is still in love with you.”

I blinked, startled by her sudden comment. “I don’t think that’s enough anymore.”

She smiled sadly, nodding in understanding. “Maybe. But sometimes love doesn’t fix what’s already broken.”

Her words lingered in the back of my mind for the rest of the evening.

Later, at my hotel room I scrolled through my messages, landing on one from my best friend, Lisa. She had been there for me through every step of my break-up with Charles, listening to my late-night rants, offering advice I never took.

Me: I saw him.

It took her less than a minute to reply.

Lisa: Oh my God. How was it??

Me: Awkward. His mom was there too.

Lisa: Ouch. Did you talk to him?

Me: Yeah, but it was weird. I don’t know why it still hurts this much.

Lisa: Because you still love him.

I stared at her words, my heart sinking. Did I still love him? Part of me wanted to deny it, to say I had moved on. But the truth was, I hadn’t. I never really had.

Me: He hasn’t changed, has he?

Lisa: Not unless he learned how to balance his life with racing. You know that was always the problem.

I sighed, leaning back against the pillows. Charles had never learned how to make room for me in his world. I had always been second place to racing, and it had worn me down until there was nothing left.

Lisa: What are you going to do?

I stared at my phone, feeling the weight of the decision hanging over me. I knew I had to make a choice, one that would finally let me move on.

The next day, I walked through the paddock again, my mind swirling with everything Lisa had said. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to face Charles again, but I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever.

As I passed by the Ferrari garage, I saw him standing there, talking to his team. He looked so at ease in his element, so confident. I remembered all the times I had watched him race, my heart in my throat as I prayed for him to cross the finish line safely.

But now, watching him from a distance, I realized something. Charles had always been a part of me, but I could no longer let him be all of me. I had spent so long loving him, waiting for him, that I had lost sight of who I was outside of our relationship.

I turned away, walking toward the exit. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was making the right choice.

Weeks later, I sat on my balcony, staring out at the sea. Life had moved on, as it always did, but there was still a part of me that clung to the past. I hadn’t spoken to Charles since that night. I hadn’t wanted to. We were always drawn back to each other, but this time, I needed to break the cycle.

Sitting there, watching the sunset, I realized something.

We had always come back to each other because we didn’t know how to let go. We had clung to the idea of what we could be, ignoring the reality of what we were. But now, I knew I had to let him go—for good.

I picked up my phone, scrolling through old photos of us. There were so many happy memories, so many moments that had made me believe we could make it work. But as I looked at them now, I realized that love alone wasn’t enough. We had loved each other fiercely, but we hadn’t known how to hold onto it.

With a deep breath, I deleted the photos. This time, I wasn’t coming back.

That’s how it ends—with me finally realizing that love wasn’t enough to save us. And as I sat there, the sea breeze tugging at my hair, I knew it was time to move forward. To find a new path, one that didn’t lead back to Charles.

Because sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is walk away.

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Do you know any fics similar to The Mating Privilege or I Don’t Like the Way She’s Looking at You? Just some stories where Derek isn’t the *best* mate/bf/husband etc or they have to pretend to not be together and ends up with stiles feeling neglected or ignored.

I’ve also read “how I long for yesterday” and “worth it” for those that want something similar but not quite what I’m looking for!

First of all. "How I Long for Yesterday" is my fic. So this made my day.

How I Long For Yesterday by sweetbutterbliss

(1/1 I 6,017 I Mature I Sterek)

Stiles blinks, his throat going dry, and he moves his thumb without thinking - liking the post. He feels a surge of petty satisfaction. At least the fucker will know he knows now. He stands up, his body feeling too heavy, and he blows out the already guttering candles. He lets out a sob of frustration when the last one won’t fucking blow out. But he sucks it back in and bites down on his tongue, using his thumb and forefinger instead. He throws himself into their empty bed without undressing. He lies there repeating the words ‘Derek blew me off for Isaac’ over and over. He tells himself to shut up while rearranging his pillow violently, but he goes to sleep with the refrain continuing its painful loop.

Worth It by dragneels

(1/1 I 1,670 I General I Sterek)

He hadn’t thought even for a second, instincts roaring, and jumped in front of Derek, taking the blow. And then he got lost in the darkness. also known as the "stiles telling derek that he's worth everything" fic no one asked for

***

As the seconds tick by by Halevetica

(1/1 I 3,972 I Not Rated)

When Derek picks up a new contract, he starts showing up late and missing important dates making Stiles feel unimportant. Derek is sure the contract is worth it, but Stiles doesn't understand why.

I'm Torn Do I Stay Do I Go by Adaline_Stilinski

(2/2 I 6,963 I General)

Derek had been focusing on making alliances with other packs around Beacon Hills to protect his pack but in doing so he started to neglect Stiles and there relationship. Stiles get's sick of it and decided to leave for some time apart is it going to help be like the stories Stiles reads and write about how distance makes love grow or will they both realise that there better apart. Will tragedy bring them together

Aberration by JackalPinesOfHouseEvergreen

(11/? I 29,415 I Teen)

Derek is a hot-shot lawyer who is very focused on his work. Stiles is his loving husband who does his best to fit into Derek's high-class family. He's hit some major roadblocks though. He feels neglected and unloved, and worse when Derek ditches him at his own family's parties which leave him humiliated as he tries to appear like their marriage isn't failing.

As an old member comes during some important werewolf ceremony to stir the pot, Derek's relationship with his family and Stiles is tested more than ever. Derek's world has been rocked and turned upside down.

And Stiles? Stiles is trying to find out who he is in the absence of the one he loves. As much as he believes in Derek and in their relationship, Stiles needs to find his self-worth that got lost along the way. Remember the fire he had inside of him as he got in the face of those that looked down at him, the fierceness of his intelligence that made others fear and respect him. Remember how fun life was...

Derek and Stiles drift a bit as Derek realizes he has to woo Stiles again, because he will not risk losing the love of his life. Not again.

The Mating Privilege by Kikileduc

(12/12 I 35,380 I Mature)

Stiles and Derek have been happily mated. The pack is doing well, but in hopes of creating alliances for it to do better, Derek accepts a neighboring pack's request to allow two wolves to join the Hale-McCall pack for a full moon cycle. They hope to form a blood-tie, or at least a long term friendship between the two packs. The issue is Kohona, the tribal leader's daughter, has her eyes set on an unavailable alpha wolf. This could have drastic consequences for their young emissary, however...

Til We Ain't Strangers Anymore by WriteByNight

(7/7 I 35,994 I Explicit)

Stiles should've expected Derek to suddenly disappear since the werewolf was in the habit of taking off without notice. However, Derek always showed up when they needed him.

As the weeks pass by, Stiles is no longer confused and a little hurt. What started as heartache begins to get worse the longer Stiles goes without seeing Derek. Eventually, his body begins to shut down and his only hope seems to be Derek...but nobody can find him.

There's no cure for a broken heart. Except, maybe, the cause for the broken heart himself.

- - -

Or the one where Derek takes off without warning and Stiles finds out he could be Derek's mate and the distance between Derek and Stiles, along with Derek's refusal to develop the bond, is slowly killing Stiles. Without Derek, Stiles will die, but no one knows where he is or how to contact him. And Stiles is barely keeping it together.

[pinksatinsashes]

The end of the year is the best time of year for us self improvement obsessed girlies because the planners are out, everyone's making vision boards and its finally time to write a nice long list of New Years Resolutions and achieve precisely nothing! Nothing!

Then the end of that year comes and we start the cycle again, making lists, checking them twice, achieving absolutely nothing, staying exactly the same and sometimes worse! How exciting! :)

When I was 16 I thought I'd have my life together at 18...lol! When I was 18 I figured I'd be totally together when I was 20. I'm 20 now...I think I've genuinely gotten worse.

But this year I am determined! I have said absolutely no more, absolutely no way is another year going to pass me by and I'm going to be stuck here in the exact same place. I NEED change.

Your 20's are meant to be the 'best years of your life'!

This is probably the easiest I'm ever going to have it! I have no children, no husband and I don't pay rent yet, if I don't do it now I will never do it..I don't want this to be my life forever.

Want to know how I'm going to make this year my year? Keep reading.

About two weeks ago I coined 2024 as the year of the Glow Up and started to meticulously plan out exactly what I wanted out of it.

My main goals for 2024 are:

To Hit My Goal Weight.

To Save Up Enough Money to Move to London.

To Be 75% of my Dream Girl

There are tons of other things I want to achieve of course, but If I don't achieve those three 2024 would genuinely have been a waste of time for me.

Now a couple years ago I would've just written those two goals down, put them on a vision board and went about my business...but Oh No, not this time.

I had a nice long think about the person I wanted to be at the end of 2024, financially stable, clear skin, goal weight, ready to move in spring 2025, closer to God, found her signature scent.

Each of these goals had a wider theme:

Routine

Fitness and Body

Food

Skincare and Hygiene

Beauty & Makeup

Hair

Clothes

God

Books & Brains

Music

Budget

I fired up Notion, created a home page that had a sub page for every month and then finally I created the Overall page, which has a sub page for every Goal Category and then I broke down each goal into lots of SMART goals. (Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic Time-Based)

So my 'get down to my goal weight' goal became:

Fitness and Body:

[ ] Size 10 clothes or under and 140 lbs (I'm 5'9 with naturally big boobs so this is my ideal weight)

[ ] Hour Glass Figure, building up glutes and upper body

[ ] Maintain Goal Weight for at least 3 months

[ ] Able to Stair Machine for 10 minutes

[ ] Able to go on a full Run

[ ] Do at least one form of Excerise a day

[ ] At least one form of Excerise a day

[ ] Take the Dog on Daily Walks

Food:

[ ] Try 12 New Recipes

[ ] Learn How To Cook 4 Different Nigerian Recipes

[ ] Form Consistent Eating Routines

[ ] Eat out twice a month or less

[ ] Stay in a Caloric deficit until I reach my Goal Weight

See how much more specific this is?

Having my goals listed like this makes everything so much easier because I'm tackling multiple things at once. First I'm changing the majority of my goals to habits or tasks (things I can control) from outcomes (things I may not be able to control).

Now I know that if I do all of these things written out, staying in a caloric deficit and excising daily there's a 90% chance I'll reach my goal.

This is much more effective than writing an outcome with no plan on how to achieve it.

From here, I'll break the Goal Down Even Further, into monthly goals.

For example, to reach the goal weight Goal by the end of December, January may look like this:

Eat at 1500 calories a day or 10,500 calories a week (to allow for the high calorie company lunches I often attend as part of my work, I'll simply eat less on the other days

Go to the gym 4 times week,

Complete X Fitness plan

Go on one Dog walk a week

Meal Prep ever week.

Lose 10lbs

To Save enough Money to Move to London by the end of the year, January might look like this:

Prep for no Spend Months in Feb and March (stock up on skincare, budywash etc)

Meal plan every week

Sell £200 worth of clothes on Vinted to spend on Spring Wardrobe (I'm not buying any clothes unless I use the money I get from selling my current clothes)

Stick to Budget

My Goal to get Smarter and Stop Mindless Scrolling may look like this in January:

Read at least 1 book

Listen to 4 Podcast Episodes

Limit Social Media use to 1 hour a day

Write 6 Blog Posts

Watch one Documentary

Setting the tasks in this way also allows me to feel a sense of achievement, every month I'm able to tick off my goals which can increase my motivation, instead of writing down a list of things to do and forgetting about it until the end of the year. It also allows me to recognise when I'm going off track faster and adjust for the next month.

You see how this is better?

I was strategic in using notion because I knew that I could then use it not only to set out my goals, but as a home base, a setting point to house all the things I could use to achieve them.

Under each section I've also included a bunch of things to help me, the Food section for example has a list of my go to recipes, so that when I can't think of anything to eat and want to run over to the closest KFC I have something to choose from. The Hair section has a list of hairstyles I've done and the Pro's and Cons, the Skincare section has a list of the products I've tried, if I liked them and If they worked for me.

Each month has its own page with a section for each wider goal and a spot for me to have a monthly write up, detailing what works and what didn't work so I can change and approve the following month and prevent falling behind.

I'm determined to make this year my year so let me know if you'd like me to keep you updated, feel free to ask any questions or send them to my asks. Also let me know if you want my notion template, here's a little peak-

Till we speak again!

-hannah🤍

[see-arcane]

Goncharov (1973): “Why an apple?”

I know Goncharov is drowning in so MANY themes. We have the Running Out of Time theme, the Cycle of Violence and Repression theme, the Can’t Fight Nature theme with all its animal motifs, we even have Ice Pick Joe’s criminally underappreciated arc about Humanity Doing Violence to Anything/Anyone Outside the Mold of the Cycle/What the Majority Says is Natural theme. Themes on themes on themes!

But the one that still keeps needling me in the heart is, of all things, the Fruit theme. Yes, really. 

Sure, right, the whole ‘Forbidden Fruit’ thing is extremely old hat to cinema now, especially within media dealing with gay romances (rather, gay romances that Almost Were and Ended Tragically). But the way it’s played with in Goncharov seems to hit just to the left of the cliché and lets something new grow.

Or, in the case of our various doomed characters, lets it get mowed down.

It starts with the fruit stand. Katya and Sofia, two wives shopping for two husbands. They come to the apples. Sofia, with her serpent bracelet twinkling, stoops to help Katya pick up the fallen fruit that escaped her basket. Is the meeting orchestrated? Accident? Neither woman would ever tell, considering where both stand--where they recognize each other from. The worlds of men and murder they stand so precariously within.

Still. It is so hard to make friends in their worlds. And they are in public. And just for a while, just here, in the sun, they can pretend they are just two women who know each other from somewhere. Just making friends. 

Apples segues to temptation, you know the drill--they even bring it up in conversation! 

...A conversation that the cut to the far end of afternoon reveals has stretched all the way out of the market and into a bistro. Just two women, just two friends, just talking (in public). They bring up Adam and Eve and the Forbidden Fruit and--

Sofia: I never got why it had to be an apple.

Katya: What do you mean? 

Sofia: I mean I don’t get it. Why an apple? 

Katya: I don’t know. Because it’s always been an apple, I guess. It’s easier to pull off in art. All the painters and sculptors and everyone else who makes those kind of calls, they all just got together and decided, ‘An apple looks pretty simple. Nice, smooth, round. Easy enough to draw in a tree.’ And boom, everyone sees nothing but apples in the Tree of Knowledge ever after. So it’s always apples.

Sofia: The dullest possible produce. The Forbidden Fruit is supposed to be something off limits, something special. All the knowledge of the world and of each other and of the realization that these two fools are running around the Garden with their asses bare in front of the Almighty. Apples don’t seem right for that. It’s dull. It’s a thing for pastry and postcards. 

Katya: ...What would you pick instead?

Sofia: Pomegranates. No question.

Katya: Why pomegranates? 

Sofia: It’s the fruit that the God of the Dead uses to trick the Goddess of Spring into staying with him in the Underworld. She tastes the seeds and she’s forced to stay down there for half a year, every year, forever. A fruit so powerful it can trap a goddess seems like the kind of fruit that could banish humanity from Paradise. 

(Cue that Very Telling pause. The unbroken eye contact. Then...)

Sofia: Tastes better than apples too. And it looks like a jewel when you split it open. 

(Of course, when it’s time to order dessert, they split a pomegranate panna cotta. The scene closes with Katya licking her lips.)

Katya: I do like apples. But this? This is amazing. I’d go to Hell for this.*

(*There’s a whole other essay in describing Katya’s bisexuality, her partaking of apples and pomegranates in equal measure, the genuine hurt she feels in knowing that Goncharov cares for her, but not beyond the presentation they put on for his peers. Arm candy with benefits (and constant threat to her life). And it wouldn’t be so bad, she knows, if they were at least still friends like they were at the start--but all of that has gone to Andrey. The friendship, the love, the care; at least as much as Goncharov is capable of beyond his own issues. But I digress.)

We see this whole undercurrent play out through the film, in parallel to the hammered-in fear and resignation that comes with the characters being crushed by the mantra of You Can’t Go On Forever, Can’t Fight the Cycle, Can’t Fight Nature, Can’t Step Outside the Norm/the Nuclear Family (of the Mafia/the Mob Or Else).

Because it doesn’t have to be an apple.

They never had to worry about the time burning away their lives one miserable day at a time, unhappy and cramped with violence and expectations that are a wholly self-perpetuating horror show that humanity inflicts on itself. The characters compare themselves to animals more than once in the film, all unable to fight the inevitable. But as Andrey and Katya point out to their respective paramours, it does not have to be that way. It never did--it doesn’t need to be now. Please. Please.

They can have the Forbidden Fruit and it can be whatever they want! Let it be a pomegranate! Let them glut themselves on it! And, hell, why do they have to buy into everyone else’s rules about what is and isn’t forbidden anyway? They’re none of them living within the law in the first place. Blood’s on everyone’s hands. Can’t they sin a little sweeter? Can’t they admit the sin they want most isn’t a sin at all, no matter what lies to the contrary they’ve swallowed in the caustic hell they’ve found themselves in?

“We can grow our own garden somewhere,” Katya pleads with Sofia, smiling through tears trying so hard not to fall--the first tears she’s allowed herself in years. 

“We can grow our own tobacco,” Andrey tries to joke with Goncharov, not joking at all. He still has that cheap scuffed lighter Goncharov gifted him years ago when they were both nobodies, and he grips it in his visible hand like a talisman.

Of course, we know the endings there. 

Katya lives to leave, without husband or lover or friend, and mourn the fact that her beloved Temptation cannot be tempted in turn. Not with where Sofia stands. Rooted by cold blood as much as fear. This is what she knows. This is her world, her Tree, her Devil she knows, her Underworld to rule as much as any queen can rule there, unhappy but resigned. Go, Eve. Grow your garden alone. 

Andrey pulls the trigger, and feels more pain in that instant than even Goncharov does with the hole in his heart. He walks away, mourning the man who is as much a victim of himself as the bullet; a stubborn Adam who spat out his fruit and insisted upon fighting the Serpent, who dies reliving a memory of two cigars, sharing a flame against a cold night--the light fading, fading, fading...

It never had to be this way. Not for any of them. Not really. But even with the Forbidden Fruits of their choice hanging in reach, free to take and run, it was not eating them that resulted in their respective tragedies. 

The Forbidden Fruit is there to be eaten. To be learned from. To force you to grow and go. To step outside the boundaries made to keep you in. 

But you just can’t make everyone eat.

[vgfm]

Predicting the Release of Deltarune Chapters 3, 4, and 5

a.k.a., “I spend way too much time analyzing a dev cycle that I do not fully understand and have no control over”

Undertale’s 8th anniversary has come and gone, and it’s left some fans feeling disappointed. I wasn’t expecting anything too major this year since the last three anniversaries were a bit of an anomaly. We’ve truly been spoiled to have gotten the Undertale concert, Chapter 2, and the Spamton Sweepstakes back-to-back-to-back. It’s easy to forget that the anniversaries before this were far more low-key affairs.

Even so, the 8th anniversary still felt a bit lacking. I had been hoping for a full status update post to the Deltarune website, but instead we got a much shorter update in the autumn newsletter. It’s true that we’ve gotten 3 other newsletters in the time since the 7th anniversary, and each has had tidbits of Deltarune news as well as their own share of fun extras. However, even all four newsletters combined seem to have less to say about Deltarune’s status than an annual update post usually does.

Fans who’ve been paying attention also seem a bit disappointed with the current progress of the game. Early status updates made it sound like Chapters 3, 4, and 5 were speeding along, while later ones make it sound like Chapter 3 has slowed to a crawl. I initially felt this way, but upon reflection I think this mindset is due to two main factors: (1) fans interpreting status updates overly optimistically, and (2) Toby sometimes using unclear language when describing the status of development.

I’ve poured over the recent newsletters, Deltarune’s past status updates, and Toby’s old tweets and interviews to get a better picture of how the game’s development is progressing. I also looked to the development of Chapters 1 and 2 to get an idea of what a completed chapter’s dev cycle looks like, and with that info I’ll try to piece together my best estimation for when Chapters 3 through 5 might finish.

Yes, I’ve hit peak hiatus brainrot and, like some others, I’ve run out of things to theorize about the game itself and now I’m trying to write a theory about game development, despite the fact that I have zero experience in game dev outside of making a couple of goofy low-effort mods. I want to emphasize that I’m doing this for fun and that I don’t want to rush Toby or his team—I’d like for Deltarune to take as long as it needs for the best result and for the team to not be overworked.

With all that said, before I can make a prediction, I must first break down my observations for each chapter’s development cycle so far. As mentioned, I’m pulling this info from newsletters, status updates, and Toby’s tweets and interviews. I won’t cite a source for every bullet point, but it’s not too hard to track down this information.

Note: Dates referred to here are release dates for products and status updates/posts. I’m aware that most major posts that Toby writes nowadays are made at least 1 month in advance due to the need for translation. To make things simple, I’m using the publishing dates instead of second-guessing the date of writing.

Chapter 1

Took roughly three years of total development time, from late 2015/early 2016 to October 2018

An unknown amount of early planning was done during and prior to Undertale’s development.

Toby and Temmie largely worked on this chapter alone

This chapter required creating the entire party-based battle system

This chapter required designing the entire Hometown and ensuring it would “set up” future events in the game properly

Except for composing some songs and writing the story, Toby didn’t work on any future chapters during Chapter 1’s development

My assessment is that this was almost certainly the hardest and most time-consuming chapter to develop. Toby had to create the game nearly from scratch with the fewest resources at his disposal. All future chapters benefited from using chapter 1 (and later 2) as a base and having things like Hometown already set up in advance

Chapter 2

Came out three years after Chapter 1, but Toby later said Chapter 2 only took 1.5 years of active development—beginning in May 2020 and releasing in September 2021. This 1.5 year period likely does not include planning and pre-production, since Toby tweeted about designing and writing parts of Chapter 2 prior to May 2020. However, this 1.5 year development period would include testing and other finishing touches.

The other 1.5 years prior to Ch 2’s full development were spent experimenting with other game engines, hiring team members, pre-production on Chapter 2, and planning future chapters of the story.

Toby finished outlining the rest of the game and writing most of the full game’s dialogue during and prior to Chapter 2’s development. Toby decided what all battles will be for Chapters 3 through 5 and most battles for the rest of the game. Toby also has all locations planned (in the form of text) for 3 through 5 at this time. This is all outlined in the 2020 status update.

After the first four months of active development, Toby guessed chapter 2 was 50-80% content-complete by the time of the Undertale 5th anniversary. He also projected that the game would be ready to enter beta testing by the end of 2020. 

Chapter 2 was in beta testing by April 2021 at the latest, since Toby tweeted about it at that time, so Chapter 2’s development phases can be broken down thusly:

Design (Pre-production; writing, planning, designing assets): Less than 1.5 years

Implementation (Active development; programming, graphics, creating battle assets and environments, music): 8-12 months

Finishing (testing, translating, polishing): 5-9 months

My assessment is that, although there was a 3-year time period leading up to both Chapter 1 and 2, it feels like Chapter 2’s development period got a lot more done. Toby has said that chapter 2 is the largest chapter in the game in many ways. Toby was working with a team starting with Chapter 2 and he was able to start planning and pre-production work on future chapters in the meantime, allowing for a much smoother start to Chapter 3’s development than chapters 1 and 2 had. Chapter 2’s release also seems to mark a shift in how Toby’s team structures their development phases, which I’ll go over in 3 through 5.

Chapters 3 through 5

Most early planning for chapters 3 through 5 was completed during chapter 2’s development, likely shortening the pre-production phase compared to previous chapters. However, Toby did mention in the 2022 update that “certain aspects” affecting 3 through 5 needed a while to set up. As of 2022, those “aspects” are now in place.

As of September of 2022, one year after Chapter 2’s release, Toby’s team is working on 3 through 5 in parallel and has already completed more than one chapter’s worth of “bullets, cutscenes, and gimmicks”. I will elaborate on this in a bit.

In March of 2023, Toby’s team is primarily focused on finishing Chapter 3. We can say for certain that Chapter 3 entered active development in early 2023 at the latest

As of September 2023, Chapter 3 is in a fully playable state from start to finish and is presumably ready for alpha/beta testing

Chapter 3 seems to mark a slight shift in the team’s production order for each chapter. Chapter 2’s phases were outlined in the 2020 update as three phases: Design, Implementation, and Finishing. Based on context clues from last year’s update and this year’s newsletters, chapters 3 through 5 seem to be following a modified four-phase workflow:

Phase 1 – Design – writing the story, planning the game, and assigning roles to team members. It’s hard to quantify how long this took with chapters 1 and 2, but the good news is that most of this phase was completed for future chapters during chapter 2’s development, according to the 2020 status update. The 2022 update does imply that there was still some set up required leading into chapters 3 through 5. This could be connected with the rumored engine changes to GameMaker to allow multiple games to be launched from a single launcher. Either way, this set up was finished before the 2022 update and be presumed to be done for all three chapters.

Phase 2 – Early Implementation – I’ve split implementation into two phases for reasons I’ll explain in the next phase, though these two halves likely overlap. I suspect this first half of implementation involves preparing dialogue for translation (which was previously done as a finishing step for Chapters 1 and 2) and creating assets in bulk to plug into the game later. This phase is likely when the “chapter’s worth of bullets, cutscenes, and gimmicks” mentioned in the 2022 update was created. Later newsletters imply that Chapter 3’s locations were in an earlier state of development than many fans expected, so I think Toby has artists and programmers design enemies, puzzles, and cutscenes in advance before areas are created to put them into. Chapter 3 seems to have completed the early implementation phase. Chapter 4 has had a significant chunk of this phase complete, based on the 2022 update, and currently 4 and 5 both seem to be in this phase, as of June 2023.

Phase 3 – Full Implementation – This consists of programming game world locations and assembling the full structure of the game. I believe this can be treated as a separate phase from the early implementation because (1) Toby mentioned in the 2020 update that he doesn’t draw map designs until the team starts programming, (2) Chapter 2’s maps had only just been started when its cutscenes, songs, bullet patterns, and other assets were nearly finished in 2020, and (3) Chapter 3 seemed to be early in this phase in 2023, despite more than a chapter’s worth of assets being created in 2022. Chapter 3 recently finished this phase, and chapters 4 and 5 likely haven’t gotten far in this phase or reached it yet. All implementation for Chapter 2 lasted between 8 and 12 months. It’s likely this will take less time per chapter for 3 through 5 due to Toby saying Chapter 2 was the longest in the game and Toby having more resources available to complete early implementation on 4 and 5 while 3 undergoes full implementation and the next step:

Phase 4 – Finishing – This is presumably the same as Chapter 2’s finishing phase, only with translation likely occurring earlier in the process, per the March 2023 newsletter. Chapter 3 recently entered this phase. This phase took anywhere from 5 to 9 months for chapter 2, depending on when that chapter entered beta.

Conclusions

Overall, we know that chapters 3 through 5 are using Chapter 2 as a base, Toby has a larger team and more resources available to him than ever before, and Chapters 3 through 5 are being developed in parallel. Chapters 3 through 5 also had the advantage of having most of their planning and design taken care of during Chapter 2’s development cycle. To reiterate, Chapter 2’s development ended up like this:

Design: Less than 1.5 years

Implementation: 8-12 months

Finishing: 5-9 months

Based on what we’ve heard regarding chapter 3, I think we can extrapolate the following timeline for Chapters 3 through 5 so far:

Design: FINISHED (all chapters). Less than 1 year – I’m not counting the design work on 3 through 5 that was already completed before Chapter 2 released. The 2022 update did hint at some form of set up or planning affecting 3 through 5 that had been resolved by September 2022—this makes one year of design the maximum possible amount in this development cycle, though it was likely considerably less

Early Implementation: FINISHED (Ch 3), IN-PROGRESS (4&5). 6-17 months – The 17 months figure is from adding up the year between the 6th and 7th anniversaries and ending at the March 2023 newsletter, when finishing chapter 3 was announced as now being the team’s main focus; this assumes that early production began as soon as Chapter 2 released and that priorities didn’t shift to Chapter 3 until right when the March newsletter came out. The 6 month figure is assuming that most of 2022 was spent on design and resolving the “factors” that affected 3 through 5, which is highly unlikely. We know that early implementation assets were worked on for chapters 3 and 4 simultaneously in 2022, and it’s likely that Chapter 3 alone would have taken less than a cumulative year at this stage. Extrapolating from where things were in 2022, I’d guess Chapters 4 and 5 are at least halfway done with this phase cumulatively.

Full Implementation: FINISHED? (Ch 3). 6-12 months – I base the 12 month figure off of the idea that focus switched to Chapter 3 immediately after the 2022 update and I base the 6 month figure off of the March 2023 newsletter being the point where focus shifted. Chapter 3 became fully playable in September 2023, marking a probable end date for this phase

Finishing: IN-PROGRESS? (Ch 3). Unknown. This could match the 5-9 months for Chapter 2. It’s also possible that 4 and 5 could move onto full implementation while 3’s playtesting takes place, since the latter can rely on people outside the team playing the game while members of the team are freed up to work on other things. Bumping up translation earlier in the pipeline might also shave some time off this phase.

The Prediction

Overall, I’m reasonably certain that Chapter 3 will be completely done within the next 6 months, barring some unforeseen difficulties. Game development can be unpredictable, so anything’s possible (especially delays). Toby has remarked on how strange chapter 3 is and he’s implied that some segments have had to be removed or cut down, so it’s possible this chapter was a lot more experimental and needed more time.

I’d say chapter 4 is, bare minimum, halfway through early implementation. More likely, I think it’s nearing the end of early implementation. I say this because having more than a chapter’s worth of assets completed in 2022 meant that not all of that was for chapter 3, and 2022’s update made it sound like 3 and 4’s progress was roughly neck-and-neck at the start of this phase—hence, half a chapter’s worth of assets done for 4. Obviously focus has shifted to chapter 3, but Toby did reiterate that assets are still being made for 4 and 5 during the summer newsletter, so it’s likely 4 has the majority of this phase done and 5 has made some progress.

Where do I think we’ll be in a year? The optimist in me would like to say that all three chapters will be done by next September, but I’m honestly doubtful. I think a more likely scenario is that 3, 4, and 5 will release sometime between the 2024 and 2025 anniversaries. If we’re lucky, then end of 2024 or early 2025. I think the best case scenario would be that Chapter 3 wraps up around the end of this year (or final testing frees up the team to focus on 4 by then) with Chapter 4 ready to have its maps created immediately afterwards (or already started). Chapter 4 would then enter testing in early-to-mid 2024, with chapter 5 following a few months after to be ready just in time at the end of the year.

I know it may sound bleak to some to be willing to wait another 1-2 years, but keep in mind that this pace is still much faster than what development has been so far. In six years we got two chapters of Deltarune. With my estimate, we’d be getting three chapters in 3-4 years. Chapter 2 took 1.5 years of dedicated development time, plus pre-production, whereas 3 through 5 seem poised to take less time per chapter. I predict that chapters 4 and 5 will go more smoothly, partly because they seem to be more “standard” chapters but also because the groundwork is already being laid for them while 3 is being finished. It took less than a year for Chapter 3 to go from a pile of assets to an assembled and test-ready game. At that pace, it wouldn’t take much longer for 4 and 5 to both bridge that gap—the only extra time will come from finishing up early implementation on 4 and 5 as well as testing each chapter.

I don’t have much else to say in terms of predictions, but I did write up a big timeline of Deltarune (and Undertale’s) development while making this post. I was originally going to put it at the beginning, but it was hard to parse and contained some redundant information. On top of that, Tumblr messed up the formatting so it may be a little hard to read.

Instead of placing the timeline front and center, I’m including it below for all you truck freaks out there who want to know where I pulled various dates from, or if you’ll just read anything Deltarune-related. For everyone else, this post is basically over now. Bye!

Timeline

2011

Toby is first inspired to make Deltarune from a dream (according to interviews)

2012

Toby attempts to create a Deltarune-like project but abandons it before creating Undertale

2013

May 23 - Undertale demo is released

2014

Toby develops Undertale and continues creating Deltarune concept art on the side (according to 2018 tweet). Toby also teases Deltarune’s existence on the Undertale Kickstarter at some point between 2013 and 2015

2015

September 15 – Undertale releases on PC and Mac

Toby creates and updates the Deltarune.com website between 2015 and 2016. Development on Deltarune chapter 1 likely begins in earnest in late 2015 or early 2016

2016

July 17 – Undertale releases on Linux

2017

August 15 – Undertale releases on PS4 and PS Vita

September 15 – Undertale 2nd Anniversary. Toby releases early draft of alarm clock dialogue. First mention of Rudy Holiday

2018

September 18 – Undertale releases on Switch

October 31 – Deltarune Chapter 1 releases on PC

According to Toby’s Twitlonger, Chapter 1 was content-complete “a little while” prior to October 4th and was still being translated as of the 4th. This implies that, during Chapter 1’s development, translation was one of the final steps. According to Toby, Chapter 1 took “a few years” to create. At this time he says 7 years is the maximum time he’d be willing to spend on a project. Toby announces his intent to release all remaining chapters at once. It’s implied that Toby created chapter 1 mostly on his own, with art by Temmie. He mentions wanting to hire a team for the rest of the game. Toby mentions that Chapter 1 needed to create the entire Hometown “correctly on the first try” in order to “set up properly for the rest of the game,” likely adding to development time. Toby says that apart from creating some songs and writing the whole story, he hasn’t completed any work on the other chapters at this point. Specifically, no programming or final art has been done.

According to later statements by Toby, he and his team will spend the next two years writing, composing, designing, and drawing content for future chapters

2019

February 28 – Deltarune chapter 1 releases on Switch and PS4

March – Early development on future chapters begins, but “99%” of the work at this time is spent on investigating alternative game engines to GameMaker. During this period, Toby continues planning the game and writing its story

April 18 – Toby tweets that he’s “making great progress designing Chapter 2” and posts concept art, indicating that the chapter is still in early development

June 12 – Toby tweets that he has “about 50” songs past Chapter 1 in various stages of completion, compared to Chapter 1’s 40 songs. He also mentions that he’s currently writing and drawing bosses, bullets, cutscenes, and characters for future chapters

July 5 – Toby reiterates via tweet that he plans to release all remaining chapters at the same time

September 15 – Undertale’s 4th anniversary and Deltarune Chapter 2 status update

Toby reveals annoying dog in toy car sprite from Chapter 2. Toby posts early versions of the songs Lost Girl and Welcome to the City. Toby posts concept art of Susie’s angry reaction to Noelle looking at her tail. Overall, Toby says the design of the game is going “really well” but that other aspects are “facing some hurdles”. This seems to imply that Chapter 2 is still in early development at this point.

2020

Around March or April, Toby experiences severe wrist pain that slows down his ability to develop the game

“A few months” prior to August/September, Toby completes readable outlines for every chapter in the game, including first-pass dialogue for almost all cutscenes. All major events and battles that will take place are now known. Toby also decides around this time to go back to GameMaker as the engine of choice for the full game

May – Deltarune chapter 2 begins full development, using Chapter 1 as a base

September 15 -  Undertale’s 5th anniversary concert and Deltarune Chapter 2 status update

Toby reveals he’s now working on a team with four full-time members (including himself) and other part-time members. Toby is designer and programmer. He also proposes hiring more people to work on Chapters 3 and beyond. Toby believes that Chapter 2, content-wise, will be done before the end of 2020 (not accounting for translation, bugtesting, and porting). This likely meant that, by the end of 2020, Chapter 2 was in an alpha or beta state where it could be played through from beginning to the end. Toby estimates that Chapter 2’s design/early development phase is 100% done. Toby estimates Chapter 2’s art is 90% done, Cutscenes are 80% done, Bullet patterns are 70%, other battle elements (ACTs) are 30%, audio is 80%, “other”/misc content is 65%. Chapter 2’s maps are mostly started or placeholder but with all NPC interactions completed. Toby reveals that he doesn’t draw his map designs until his team starts programming. Chapter 2’s balancing/bugfixing/translation/porting are all 0% done. Overall Toby suggests that Chapter 2 is between 50% and 80% done. Toby makes a distinction between Chapter’s 2 development and the development of remaining chapters. He also says that the game will be released in “many Chapters,” perhaps implying he was already reconsidering his goal of releasing all chapters at once at this time. Toby describes Chapters 3 and onward as having story and progression 100% done, cutscene dialogue 95% done. Ch 3+ Textual map design is 70% done overall and earlier chapters 100% done. “Earlier chapters” likely means 3 through 5. Drawn map design is 0% done. Ch 3+ enemy conceptual design is 90% done and bosses are 100% done. Enemy bullet designs are 80% done overall and 100% done in earlier chapters. Ch 3+ music concepts are 95% done, completed music is 50% done. Ch 3+ background concepts (first-pass) are 75% done. Ch 3+ bosses (first-pass) are 100% done. Ch 3+ sprite art is 20% done.

November 23 – Toby tweets the giant toilet from Chapter 2

2021

March 16 – Undertale releases on Xbox One

April 17 – Toby tweets about a friend playing the beta version of Chapter 2, confirming the game was in beta and undergoing playtesting around or prior to this time

July 20 – Toby tweets again about another friend playing the Chapter 2 beta

September 15 – Undertale 6th anniversary, Deltarune Chapter 2 announced

September 17 – Deltarune Chapter 2 is released

Toby’s team has expanded since the last status update and he considers expanding the team a little more. Toby says Chapter 2 was the biggest chapter in the game in many ways, including by cutscene count. Toby confirms changing his mind about releasing all chapters at once. Instead, Chapters 1 through 5 will be bundled together as a paid release once 3, 4, and 5 finish development.

September 23 – Deltarune Chapter 2 released on Switch and PS4

September 24 – Toby confirms in an interview that Chapter 2’s development took 1.5 years. This would line up with development starting in earnest around May 2020. Toby also confirms that chapter 2’s programming was handed over to another member of the team due to Toby’s wrist injury. Toby is now working as director on the project.

2022

February 9 – Toby posts concept art of future chapters

May 17 – Toby posts more concept art and mentions he’s gotten more people to help with development

September 15 – Undertale 7th anniversary

Toby’s team is simultaneously working on chapters 3, 4, and 5. Toby confirms more people have joined the team and the pace of creation has improved from Chapter 2. Most work completed has been for Chapters 3 and 4. Between 3, 4, and 5, the team has created more than one chapter’s worth of bullets, cutscenes, and gimmicks (likely meaning puzzles). Toby mentions 3, 4, and 5 having “certain aspects” that took a while to set up but are now in place, which will make development go smoother. Toby releases screenshots and songs from chapters 3 and 4.

September 17 – The Spamton Sweepstakes

November 17 – Toby announces Undertale/Deltarune mailing list

December 19 – The first Undertale/Deltarune newsletter is delivered

Toby says “the end is in sight” for some of the content in Chapter 3, but is very vague overall.

2023

March 30 – The second newsletter is delivered

The team’s main focus is completing Chapter 3. Translation for chapter 3 is close to starting. Based on what we know from later updates, it seems that translation is beginning sooner for these chapters than it did for chapters 1 and 2.

June 29 – The third newsletter is delivered

The team is still focusing on Chapter 3, but a few people are working on bullet patterns and puzzles for later chapters. The team is creating the final overworld area for Chapter 3, which is the last thing to complete before Chapter 3 is fully playable from start to finish (i.e., entering an alpha/beta state). Toby mentions how chapter 3 is an unusual chapter and implies it may have been harder to work on than a typical chapter. He also says Chapter 4 will be a “much more standard chapter”.

September 14th – The fourth newsletter is delivered

Chapter 3 is now playable from start to finish and is (presumably) undergoing testing and polish.

[deepdreamnights]

More video tinkering with Vidu 1.5

Vidu hit 1.5 this morning for testing, which I get access to as part of the artist's program. While making raw material for a "Big Professor" project-

(Shown here to establish a 1.0 baseline)

-I nuked most of my credits, I've still got enough to try out the new features and give you all a rundown of them.

First major change is resolution options. Fast, 720, or 1080. Shown here is my first attempt at a 1080 gen, using the same prompt as above. While most vids in this post will be gifs for ease of use, this one is an MP4 to provide full evaluation.

Ignore the odd playback speed, since that's something you'd fix in post. The gif at the start was one of my most stable renderings of Big Professor under v1. Got some minor wonk in the details, little distortion around the prof's claw and the kid in the first half second, but otherwise well above the average of the 1.0 versions I've been working with, especially the clarity on the button text.

The second one is a re-run of the same prompt, minus some detail issues with one shin, the level of consistency is promising.

720 can go up to 8 seconds, 1080 tops off at 4. At present, 1.5 does not have an upscale function. If you're not tinkering to test out prompts I'd generally recommend 1080, even for lower-res projects, for the purposes of being able to crop and/pan.

For most of these, assume I'm using either 720 or 1080 gens.

Multi-Subject Reference-to-Video

THIS is the big winner of the setup. Previously, ref-to-video only could handle a single referenced subject image. The current setup now allows you to reference up to three per generation.

Those can be characters, props, or settings, and it can be used for morphing effects. This is good, because first-frame-last-frame is more finnicky than reference-to-video. The obvious use is to create multi-character scenes, and it works well for that:

But it has other uses. For example, here I used:

And while this one was reversed and trimmed, it displays the potential for using the feature for transformation sequences. The backgrounds are especially helpful, since Vidu's internally-generated toon backgrounds are very modern and digital-painting-looking (the gif of Mrs. Nice turning back and forth into Mrs. Nautilus at the top of the section didn't use a background image reference) and as always, I like it retro.

To that point, using the more comic-booky Mrs. Nice control drawing didn't work near as well as the more period-accurate one:

And while I'll personally be cutting out frames to produce a more accurate 1980s TV animation look, the raw fluidity is bound to appeal to the majority of users, and minor issues like the color of Mrs. Nice's blouse changing mid-transformation are easy enough to fix manually (though if a flaw looks enough like a traditional animation screwup, I might just leave it in)

And another fun feature? Movement amplitude control.

In my last post about it, I said Vidu likes to move, and if you need a more subtle shot, like this one, setting the movement amplitude control to small is your move. (Funny how the robot interpreted the book binding as a mouth.) If something's too static you can up the movement as well, but I haven't had that problem much.

In terms of generation quality, 1.5 is a good but not huge leap up from 1.0. at least in terms of what I've made so far. Aesthetics are very similar, but issues of tearing, distortion, and wonky action are lessened.

And it's way better at understanding triceratops, so thumbs up there.

This is one of my wonk-tests, but man, check that walk cycle. This is why the movement controls are important, sometimes when set to auto a dialog scene becomes a weird chase.

Now, in terms of generation costs (and this can always change), 1.5 seems more expensive but in the end it works out more or less the same.

A 1.0 quality 8-second gen upscaled to max res would be 24 points (16 for the quality 8-seconds, 8 for the upscale), and an 8-second 720 render is also 24 points (as is a 4-second 1080).

Yeah, you don't want to use "Fast" in most cases. While both the 720 and fast versions here both have flaws (Bruce's disappearing popcorn bucket, etc), the 720 res version is substantially more on-model for both characters.

To close out, a bit of fun wonk. To try out the effect, I prompted using a "Specialist Matt Trakker" G.I.Joe/M.A.S.K. crossover figure as a character reference, to see if it could translate a character from toy to live action. And it can-

Though it is very, very literal.

The combination of live action-esq person and accurate G.I.Joe joints is harrowing, but there's potential there for some wild variants on the Toy Story/A Christmas Toy/'Wynona's Big Brown Beaver'-Music-Video-by-Primus concept.

[aliensupersyn]

Shibuya to Shinjuku: Gege's Use of Disparity

My analysis will be centered around Gege's use of disparity between his characters to drive a high-stakes narrative.

TLDR: Both Shibuya and Shinjuku involve hopeless battles that the cast majorly struggle through. Victory will only come after an uphill battle that favors the remaining villain. I implore you to read the first section, as that's the heft of the comparisons between the Shibuya Incident and Shinjuku Showdown. The other sections offer context for the "Sukuna Cycle" and the despair it causes for both the heroes and the readers.

In Shibuya, characters were heavily underpowered and majorly unable to fight the disaster curses. Stakes were at an all time high, especially after Gojo's imprisonment, and still, the heroes mostly failed to defeat their respective enemies. Mei Mei failed to defeat Kenjaku off screen; Nobara struggled against Haruta; Yuji lost to Choso; and Dagon bodied Maki, Nanami, and Naobito.

For the most part, the jjh forces lost the majority of their match ups. Yuji's final showdown alongside Todo was an uphill battle that mostly favored Mahito. Similarly, Sukuna has dominated in Shinjuku and has gotten more advantages than the cast. As put by Technical_Oil_8868:

Mahito hit a black flash, pulled a 0.2 domain expansion and a transformation while Yuji got nothing and moreover I think the black flash on maki is more or useless because Gojo needed 4 bfs to gain RCT output to recover his arm

Sukuna received Mahoraga and Agito via Ten Shadows; he transformed into a body that gives him inherent advantages via an extra mouth and limbs; Sukuna developed a new overpowered cursed technique that's defeated three cast members; Uraume returned one of his ancient cursed objects; he survived Yuta's maximum output Jacob's Latter; and Sukuna hit a black flash. Sukuna Kaisen has set a disparity that resembles Mahito's seemingly endless power as he continued evolving until his final moments.

Before the last enemy's defeat in Shibuya, multiple casualties occurred: Naobito whooped Dagon before the disaster curse evolved, then Maki nearly died, and Mahito later finished Nanami; Nobara gained an advantage against Mahito, then died immediately after; Todo came to help Yuji, and then lost boogie woogie.

Gege has made overt parallels to Shibuya already. It began with Gojo's defeat after an isolated battle against multiple opponents, then characters began to fall one by one. Higuruma's death was a direct reference to Nanami's.

When all hope was lost, Gege brought back two of the verse's heaviest hitters to save the cast. The strongest without cursed energy, and the strongest sorcerer (did this suddenly become a Gojo return post? Place your bets I guess?)

Toji saving Maki's group has parallels to Shinjuku already:

I've spoken extensively about my theory that Maki will return to face Sukuna yet again. She's the last of the heavy hitters and suffered the least damage between her and Yuta. She obviously parallels Toji within the story, and this link between them further supports my connection between Shibuya and Shinjuku.

When Gege needed a character to take out Jogo, who would have surely swept the cast at the time, Sukuna was brought back.

Yuji foils Sukuna the most within the story. In essence, they're twin spirits, having lived in the same body and sharing an appearance; Sukuna's Heian era form still has Yuji's pink hair for example. Sukuna himself admits that Yuji's the only person who he knows can match his own unbreakable will. Their parallels support my argument that Yuji satisfies Sukuna's role within Shibuya; he will act as the second force that saves the remaining cast from the enemy who can and will kill everyone left.

I argue that Maki and Yuji will return to face Sukuna in the end, just as all hope seems to be lost. Kusakabe and Miguel will likely act as plot devices to buy time for Maki and Yuji to make a grand entrance of sorts. Likely, the soul striking duo will struggle through the battle, as they'll no doubt face Sukuna's full cursed technique, and it will be an extremely stressful fight for them and the readers.

The Chips in Sukuna's Armor

Although he still has yet to use his full CT, Sukuna has taken serious damage that has left him with an obvious weak spot now. He may have played around with Kusakabe and allowed himself to get hit for fun, but stopped Kusakabe immediately once his heart was targeted. Now, even Sukuna has limits to how much damage he can suffer.

Sukuna suddenly stopped healing against Maki, and notice how his major wounds remain despite the black flash boosting his output.

Yuta took out his arm, extra mouth, and left a scar along his face that can be seen in the panels above. Maki's attack still has not healed, and will likely stay for the remainder of the battle due to how long soul wounds take to heal; this wound also slows down Sukuna's ability to heal his brain, which inhibits his domain expansion as well.

Sukuna still has a missing arm and has a weak heart. He played with Kusakabe, but as soon as he aimed for his heart, he stopped him. All variations of cleave and dismantle have been overcome twice now. Sukuna's armor is chipping and Gege's introducing characters who can force Sukuna into straining situations by avoiding his usual CT via Maki, Kusakabe, and now Miguel (check notes). I have already argued how Sukuna uses cleave and dismantle to test his opponents' strength. He did the same to Kusakabe in 254 by saving World Dismantle as the overwhelming ace (just as he did with Higuruma who neutralized cleave and dismantle as well). Sukuna's black flash kept him from having to revert to fuga since slash attacks were not working. Maki and Kusakabe both exposed Sukuna's current weaknesses.

Same as the readers', Sukuna's patience is wearing thin. He allowed Ui Ui to save the cast for a while, but suddenly set a trap for him by leaving Kusakabe out in the open while he hid. The conflict's stakes continue to rise, slowly but surely. As Sukuna defeats more of the main cast, the less combative forces become more endangered of being wiped out. Even Sukuna's tired of this same song and dance.

Kusakabe has exposed the fact that Maki's attack created an incredibly vulnerable wound that can be exploited. I argue that Maki and Yuji will use this gathered information in their final battle. Maki can dodge all forms of cleave and dismantle, which will force Sukuna to use his full cursed technique.

The Kind One

Here, I will focus mainly on Kusakabe's role within the narrative, and how he satisfies a similar role as Gojo and Nanami in Shibuya.

Kusakabe and Nanami came to similar conclusions in their final moments. They both share narrative similarities in reference to their power, and Nanami even appeared in 254. Kusakabe can't do a whole lot, but he's willing to stop running and put his life on the line like the younger generation has.

Thematically, Kusakabe specifically represents the meeting point between the young and older generation. The flashbacks reflect how he's been the main one coaching the kids through the fight until now, cause his superiors are dead (or just chilling in Mei's Mei's case). Kusakabe has been left in charge of everyone else's students, and he's taken that role especially seriously in his last moments. His monologue suggests he felt guilty for failing to save not only his friends, but their students as well. Therefore, he's deemed the Kind One. In his last moments, he's not thinking of himself, but everyone he's lost or possibly let down.

Similar to how Nanami thought of Haibara in his final moments, Kusakabe refused to let down Yaga. Both thought about what Haibara and Yaga would think of them, and this informed Nanami and Kusakabe's motivations as they died.

Kusakabe's fate also resembles Yuji after he switched with Sukuna in Shibuya, but he's not giving up like Yuji did. Kusakabe instead gives himself the Todo speech. He already knows that as the seemingly remaining fighter, he must put everything on the line. He didn't need a Todo to come and tell him, because he himself has been the coach.

The motif that Nanami, Gojo, Higuruma, and Kusakabe occupy exists in other shonen titles as well. In Naruto, the five Kage and Might Guy had a similar motivation for putting their lives on the line against Madara; the youth are the first in line on the battlefield, and as adults, they must step up and protect them if they can.

The Shibuya Incident featured largely disproportionate power gaps between the heroes and the villains, similar to Shinjuku Showdown. Gege prefers a narrative where the heroes face a seemingly endless uphill battle against opponents who gain more powerups than them. Sukuna's advantages will ramp while Maki and Yuji face him in the final showdown. Yet, in the end, their teamwork will prevail, just as Yuji and Todo's did against Mahito.

Notes:

Both Toji and Sukuna were returned more or less after being absent. Maki and Yuji will also return after a more brief absence.

I acknowledge that Sukuna didn't mean to "save" the rest of the cast, except Megumi, but in the end, that's what happened.

The last two pages of 254 suggest that Miguel's faster than a point blank cleave/dismantle, which is wild. The scars on the ground suggest that Sukuna definitely cast his attack, but Miguel avoided it without a scratch.

I absolutely love when the older generation in shonen titles admit that the youth are often unfairly sacrificed in war. It never fails to move me when the adults say it's time to put their lives on the line for the youth in an effort to finally give back. Ohnoki's speech and Guy's final words before the eight gates activation have to be two of my favorite moments in Naruto. It's a great motif.

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Yeah honestly the discourse is quite stressful... I don't interact with the fandom and I'm quite new to MK, and I'm pretty young so the only mainstream MK thing I've been exposed to is the show (I did read the Lemire run though, planning on reading the Jed Mackay run soon) and while I do have some of my own complicated thoughts on the show, I do sometimes feel bad for liking the characters and the show in general as much as I do because alot of fans of the comics seem to hate it lololol. I like the shows version Steven espeacially, I really love how grounded and fun he is (people seem to dislike him too tho aha) Your blog truly is Autism heaven thank you so much for putting as much effort into this as you do :-)

Boy howdy you gave me a lot to think about.

What part of Tumblr you been hanging out in? Let me tell you the secret to enjoying Moon Knight: Stay out of the discourse. Moon Knight discourse is not new and just cycles the same topics over and over and over again and have done so since the OG run in the comics.

You are allowed to like BOTH the comic and the show. Who gives a flip what someone else thinks about it? I got to listen to someone rant about how much they hated the show because it wasn't full of action and crazy and violence (they were wrong and like Moon Knight for all the wrong reasons and are the type of fan that gets on my nerves but at least they are reading Moon Knight, I guess?)

The show is a fantastic jumping on point for new and younger fans! Why? Because even though the majority of the main points of the story are different, and Steven Grant is different, it still hits the big points that make Moon Knight what it is.... That and Marc is and always will be a Dumpster Fire in every iteration.

PLUS, Steven Grant is adorable and love-able and really draws you in. Do not feel bad for liking the characters in the show. The fans of the comics who actively put down the TV show characters have no idea what they are talking about. Do they HAVE to like them? No. You are welcome to hate the show, but if you hate it for reasons of saying it isn't enough like the comics...They CLEARLY have not read the comics.

LET'S GET INTO THIS META:

The original run of the comics opens with Moench having the idea for one man living three undercover lives.

Steven Grant, millionaire philanthropist, and Charity giver.

Jake Lockely, street wise cab driver and friend to the people.

Moon Knight, a masked vigilante.

Notice how Marc Spector is not included in that. In the original idea, Marc Spector was a man on the run from himself and doing what he can to discard who he was and become someone better and different so as to make up for all the pain and wrong that he had done.

So in the OG, we get a BIT of Marc to tell his back story of how he 'died' and then we jump into Steven and Jake. A little later, Moench starts to flesh out Marc a bit, putting him into more stories with his side short stories about Marc's past and also when they go into missions that pit Marc directly against who he was and his past. Such as when the Statue is stolen and broken and he has a break down (severe existential crisis about his death and who he is). The BEST look into his past where he confronts who he was, in my opinion is when a friend from Marc's past is murdered and he goes to Israel on a special mission and for revenge. Issue 17: Master Sniper's Legacy and Issue 18: The Slayers Elite.

The thing is, Marc isn't the main character in the early OG comics. He's a presence that is always felt and often discussed and lurking in the shadows, but the main star is Moon Knight

and the character we often follow the MOST is Jake Lockley.

We also hang a lot with Steven.

Marc Spector is The Bad Guy.

Yes... Despite how every time we get a back story like the "Marc Spector Adventures" mini comic that was at the end of a few issues showing us how goofy and conflicted Marc Spector really is, he's still the bad guy...To himself. No one hates Marc Spector more than Marc Spector.

This is something that carried very well into the show.

(That is the face of a man that doesn't want to be there. Or anywhere.)

You see, Marc Spector isn't the main character of the show either. Steven Grant is.

So... Here's the BIG question.

WHY did Marc Spector become so big in the comics?

Back in the OG run, Jake Lockley and Steven Grant were the main characters. But it's hard to relate to the fancy million air that likes fine things and opera and charity events and swimming around in his pool in a speedo.)

But Jake Lockley? There's a man we can enjoy and relate to. He likes to hang with the homeless. Chat it up with some kids and play Basket Ball with them. He hangs with a single mom in the poor side of town and he drives around and takes action. He's easy to understand and easy to paint as a good honest man and a hero.

In the show? The show was ORIGINALLY going to take it from Marc's point of view. Marc was the one in the fancy Mr. Knight suit (like in the later comics drawn by the amazing Declan Shalvey.) My bet is that in the original idea for the show, Moon Knight was filled with more action and violence.

But they realized they needed to draw you in. They needed to give you someone you could relate to.

Enter Steven Grant.

(Hello dear).

I will forever be asking the question on why they went with Steven Grant and not Jake Lockley because the gentle kind and caring man in the comics is Jake... But maybe the name Steven Grant just fit the role they needed better. Either way... We got this marshmallow of sweet snarky sass.

And the personality? We can thank Oscar Isaac for Steven. He came up with the accent and had a lot of input on how to develop Steven as a character. The story naturally progressed from there.

So this is where the show and comics deviates. ....Or dose it?

Because after Moench leaves, the characters start to change.

We hit the 90s and Marc Spector, man of violence and action and dark pasts is now in and Steven Grant is out. Oh, and so is Jake.

We get a solid decade of watching Marc devolve into a disaster of character murder. It's... It's a thing alright. It's a rough read. My goal in going back through the comics is to try to pinpoint the exact moment when the characters are lost from their original personalities and Jake is turned into a violent insane Caricature of himself, Steven got the boot, and Marc became the overarching main persona.

Even in the 2000s up to 2010, Moon Knight characterization is all over the place!

It isn't until Lemire that we get a solid hold of someone trying to bring the characters back to who they were during Moench's run. Even then, it's a rough grab and by the next writer (we shall not speak of him here) we have completely lost all view of the characters again.

We don't get a redefinition of Jake, Steven, and Marc until the current run with MacKay.

This is 1984 until 2021 people! HOLY CRAP.

In fact, things got so bad in the 90s that Moench had to step in for 4 short issues to try to reset Marc Spector! (I cannot wait to get to those.)

So people that tell you that the show completely ruined the characters.... Clearly have not REALLY read the comics. In fact, ask them what their favorite run is. Give me a good laugh because I can probably guess what they are going to say.

The people that are more modern and sing praise only of MacKay need to get off their high horse and go read some Moench. I love MacKay and will sing his praise all day, but he isn't perfect. I love Lemire, but he also had some issues. Heck, even Moench had issues fleshing out his own characters at times! (and there certainly were a couple of issues that are NOT my favorites at all). Heck, I think the best fleshing out of Marc Spector was actually done by Zelenetz in the death of Elias Spector run. (I may have made a huge mistake while reviewing this run because I thought it was Moench and then realized it wasn't half way through reviewing all the other issues and then sat there for a day wondering why I was an idiot and what to do about it.)

SO. ....I'm not sure if I made my point or got distracted halfway through, but I hope I made some sense here.

The thing is, the characterization of Moon Knight depends on the writer and there is no real set thing to go on other than the fact that Marc Spector is a dumpster fire of a man. If that fire ain't burning in the shittiest way possible, they are doing it wrong.

And anyone with discourse saying the show ruined everything needs to mind their own business. I have no issue with someone hating the show. It's different. But don't tell other people they can't like it and the comics too.

They have obviously never lived through the Moon Knight waste land times when there were like five fans and no merchandise or material. I'm just happy to be able to talk about Moon Knight to someone that isn't my dog for a change.

So thank you kind Annon! Thank you for giving me someone to talk to Moon Knight with and reason to talk about them! And thank you all for listening to me ramble and rant about a little broken system of guys who have gotten the unfair shaft from Marvel more than a few times.

[hawkogurl]

i love your corpse harry au (& what i've read of your other spider-man stuff), especially the way you write harry. i'm pretty new to writing and was hoping you'd have some advice on getting a good handle on a character's motivation/voice

idk if you take these kind of questions so if not: favorite trope that gets a lot of hate & least favorite trope that gets a lot of love? thx

Thanks for sending! I love to talk.

As for the first part? That’s hard. I think my writing style leans more introspective, so it can kind of vary based on what you’re going for. Because I tend to think about these movies very specifically, I found how I write about characters on my personal analysis, look deeper than the surface. Hell, take notes on shit. I also recommend the novelizations for learning how characters tic. Especially for characters other than Peter, you get a lot more about how they think because you actually spend more time in their heads and you get more of a look into their thought process and what effects how they act. The novels are good. Read them in general. I have files available on request because they slap.

But honestly? Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Especially if you’re new to it, make sure you’re having fun above everything. I personally tend to obsess over the mechanics of storytelling and character analysis, sure, but that’s what I find enjoyable. If doing the same makes you like something less, don’t! Especially when you’re starting out, I also think it’s more beneficial to work out more of the mechanics of writing itself. At the same time you learn characterization, learn how to vary sentence structure, to write engaging and descriptive prose without it feeling suffocating, find your personal style. And don’t expect it to be fast. The people you admire have been doing this for years. For another thing, read more. Genuinely, it’ll help you write better. I am a better writer when I’ve been engaging with things that have good writing.

As for part two of the ask, I guess there’s a couple things? I’m insistent upon writing with more emphasis on Harry’s mental illness, both because I’m tired of so much focus on Norman’s non existent illness (that’s the most neurotypical man I’ve ever seen) while ignoring the character they probably actually intended to be read as mentally ill. I also insistently defend and focus on MJ’s reasons for doing things because as a lesbian I’m hyper aware of all fandoms favor for white men that’s caused by a lot of subconscious misogyny and racism and fans are always more critical of women than men.

I do hate a lot more things than I like. I love being critical, it’s in my soul to be analytically critical of things. I hate how a lot of sm3 rewrites will effectively make Harry into a psychopathic crazy slasher villain. Ignoring the ableism to making the guy who hallucinates into That, I also think it’s a major case of throwing the baby out with the bath water with sm3. Harry was never going to be that kind of villain. His arc was always going to be about breaking out of the cycle of abuse by defying his father and becoming his own person. I’m also generally annoyed when fics insist on calling Norman “neglectful” or a “bad father” instead of just saying he was emotionally abusive. It feels like they just think it’s a dirty word someone can’t come back from so they mislabel things. Also a sort of cartoonish example of how if someone doesn’t hit you or shout at you, your experiences will be doubted.

I hate it when fans of other mlm peter ships write Harry as an abusive ex. Just make an oc.

This is pettier and I’ll admit it, but I hate it when raimi Harry is just arbitrarily shoved with a woman. I can give MJ a pass, I have my read of it but if you can sell me on it I’ll allow it. But most of the time, it just feels like Obligatory Heterosexual Love Interest. I’ve found fics that can sell me on it, there’s this one on ffnet I dug up where he ended up with Gwen that I thought was fine less for Harrygwen and more because they wrote them both well. If you can sell me on it I’ll let it slide but it’s like, semi obvious to me when throwing his ass with a woman is more part of like… people seeing a love story as an obligatory part of a happy ending or someone not liking it when Harry is read as queer. It’s fine if you don’t read him as queer but if your romance sucks I’m gonna say your romance sucks. Romantic love is not a prerequisite to a happy ending. He can be happy single because he has friends. Give him some cats. Make him adopt a kid.

It’s somewhat connected, but I also hate a lot of like… sloppier Norman redemptions. I maintain my stance that no character is ever irredeemable because it’s about change but even pushing aside my personal belief I don’t think Norman would ever change, the guy is the Greek god of doubling down, people never let him take responsibility for his actions or otherwise narratively excuse him. I can’t walk two feet without finding it excused by the mental illness people headcanon onto him because mcu decided to write offensive tropes against people with DID onto him or finding a way to blame poor Emily/Caroline when we aren’t supposed to take Norman at his word that she was a bitch or completely misunderstanding the narrative purpose of Ambrose Osborn in the comics to use him as an excuse and also minimize the ways he emotionally abuses Harry. I also hate the way people will say anything but that he was abusive. He was abusive. I know it feels like a bad word you can’t come back from, but he was abusive. Just say it. Him being abusive doesn’t mean he can’t stop being abusive if you want to write that. Ambrose exists to create a cycle of abuse. Narratively, it needs to be a cycle. Harry is the one who actually breaks it. It can’t work with Norman because a major aspect of Harry breaking the cycle is that he is softer than Norman, that he has dozens of traits that Norman doesn’t have. There’s significance to that.

I honestly just hate a lot of Norman writing. I don’t think redeeming him is impossible because of my general worldview and I’ve read fics that have done it. (Really it was fic singular and it’s because they didn’t shy away from what a POS he is) but among those is like. Christ, it’s so wild to see fics in which he’s a father figure to MJ as if he didn’t both ogle her, a girl 30-40 years his junior and also threaten to rape her as the goblin. Like. That’s wild. That’s absolutely wild.

I also hate DID Norman headcanons. How am I not supposed to think it’s wildly insulting to write a character as a system when the only reason people started seeing him as one was because of the MCU’s ableist writing decisions in NWH that connected him to negative stereotypes against people with DID and OSDD. Stereotypes that the trilogy itself put actual work into avoiding because even in 2002 those writers understood that the good alter bad alter trope is terrible.

I will say that none of Hollys extended Norman writing hatred is directed at people who are currently in the fandom. That was more like, circa 2021-2022 NWH fandom things that made me want to die.

[infamousbrad]

I Voted

I voted Monday morning the week before the election (Halloween week, as you can see from the selfie), Got there 10 minutes before the polls opened, got out 50 minutes later, no troubles except my usual complaint about mediocre disability accommodation.

I meant to vote 6-7 days ago. As soon as I made up my mind to do so, my anxiety disorder reared up, hard; I haven't slept more than 3 hours at a stretch for over a week. My nervous system is doing everything it can to keep me from leaving the apartment at all.

Some of this happens every year the first time it drops below 35F at night and stays that way until well after the last time in the spring. I have a nearly lifelong phobia of freezing temperatures. But this year is worse.

Almost every election day I bribe myself to vote by hitting the breakfast restaurant closest to the polling place, treating myself to a nice big breakfast that I don't have to cook or clean up after. This time my early-voting location was a city library branch a couple miles north of here. The bus route between us is reliable and frequent, and almost half the old diesel buses have been replaced quieter, better smelling, more reliable electrics and got me there fine.

Before voting, I was having a nice breakfast in a kinda-hipster restaurant neighborhood that's very popular with the nearest university, lots of kids between classes having a nice brunch. The street between us has finally had its final redesign announced with construction starting next year; by the next election, thanks to our progressive-majority city council and nominally progressive mayor, we'll have a roughly 8 mile protected bike lane with bump-outs at every intersection to stop speeders from speeding in the parking lane, the number one source of pedestrian and cyclist fatalities in that stretch.

Yeah, the parties are both trying to fill me with dread but I haven't seen or heard a single campaign ad from either party in years; I don't listen to broadcasts and uBlock Origin is that good.

So why the ambient dread? Why the thrice-nightly nightmares? Why does it feel like a friend of mine used to describe the movie Cabaret: "long, dull, and full of nazis"?

I thought about it over breakfast and while walking from there to the polls, and my only guess is that it's because of what didn't happen after January 20th, 2021. There's nothing new about the center right party in the US being taken over by crazies who drove it off of a cliff. That's why the original Democratic Party is still here but the center-right party is on its third name. But all three times before, when the treason was revealed, there was so much revulsion that most of the traitors were primaried by moderates, when the moderates and surviving crazies ran in the general they were trounced as the suddenly horrified voters and eventually most of the moderates defected to the Democratic Party for at least an election cycle or two.

What horrifies me is that January 6th, 2021 wasn't a bridge too far. That they looked away, that they erased it from their memories, that they justified it and they're not shy at all why: no matter how awful the revived America First movement is, no matter how increasingly overtly fascist it is again? They hate the Democrats that much more than they hate the nazis.

Which whether they win or lose is still a problem. It's like the analogy of the pizza party: three of your friends vote for ham, you and one other friend vote for sausage, and two of your friends vote to kill and eat you personally. No matter how that vote turned out, you have a problem!

Like that Carsie Blanton song I reblogged a month or so ago said. In pursuit of energizing their base with fear, political consultants have persuaded our country that there are only two kinds of Americans. Not two kinds of politicians, not two kinds of parties, but two kinds of Americans: dumb whiny rednecks with tiny dicks in the exurbs and remaining rural towns, and ugly nasty commie bitches in the cities and inner ring suburbs, and the two tribes are at war, and whether you like it or not, you're one or the other.

Gods, I wish the culture war would end. We have bigger fish to fry and that more urgently, no time left to fight each other. And I know I'm not the only one being driven literally crazy by it.

[lastoneout]

hi idk if you're a huge kalos fan but how are you feeling about the direct

I haven't watched it yet, but ngl Kalos wasn't my favorite OR my least favorite pokemon game, I was pretty neutral on it overall. My main complaint was how annoying the map was to traverse before you got fly, but aside from that it was fine, introduced some cool pokemon and had a decent plot. Tbh for the next Legends game I would have preferred Jhoto, but eh. It's not a huge deal to me.

My real issue is that it's a little hard to get excited about it when I know how bad crunch is at Game Freak and that despite saying they were reevaluating their tight release cycle bcs like, ScarVi was borderline unplayable at launch and Arceus got abandoned the second they were done with it despite being the most popular game in years....I just have no faith that this game will be good, or at least it won't be anywhere near as good as it has the potential to be :/

I hope I'm proven wrong tho, and I don't think it's wrong to be excited about the game, something something no ethical consumption and I'd be a major hypocrite if I told people to drop any game company that has bad practices bcs almost all of them do, I just can't get hype. I was really, really hoping Game Freak would slow the hell down and stop making new games for a couple of years, put all of their focus on gen 10 and release that maybe in 2026 or 2027, but nope gotta make that money even if the games we release are falling apart at the seams and our devs are working on two or three projects at once.

And like, given the current trend in decreasing quality I'm genuinely unsure if the game is even going to be functional enough to be worth playing, especially since I figure to hit a 2025 release they probably started working on this right after Arceus came out, and there has simply not been enough time to make this game good. Plus there were a lot of points in ScarVi where I legit just wanted to put the game down and stop playing entirely bcs the graphics and glitches and framerate drops started to make me annoyed and dizzy, and once I was done with the main story I lost like all motivation to keep playing(I like finishing my dex, I did it in Sw/Sh and Let's Go and have almost done it in BDSP and Arceus, but I don't care about ScarVi's dex at all), and I haven't even bought the DLC yet. Tbh I'm probably not even gonna pre-order this, I'm waiting till it's out to decide if I want to buy it or not.

Anyway sorry to be a buzzkill, I don't fault anyone for being excited, I've loved Pokemon for more than half my life, it helped me meet my fiancé, it really means so SO much to me, so I get it, but like....I think I love the series too much to get excited for this. Seeing what Pokemon is turning into is just...painful and sad. I hope y'all enjoy it tho, and who knows, I could be wrong, maybe it will be fantastic and super polished and we can all breathe a sigh of relief bcs they got their shit together! That would be nice.

Edit: I do want to say I'm glad it has been 3 years instead of the usual 2, and I'm VERY glad they didn't announce gen 10, but unless the scope of this game is narrow as fuck and they also don't release until like November-December 2025 AND this team was NOT the same team who worked on ScarVi's DLC that is still not enough time to make a game with the scope they've been establishing as their new baseline. TOTK took SIX years to finish. Elden Ring's DLC was built on top of an existing game and it still took TWO whole years just to make it. Most open-world games take a really, really long time. Adding an extra year is great, but they need to be taking a lot longer than that between games. This is a step in the right direction, but it's not enough to inspire confidence.

[darkwingphoenix]

The House of The Hearth: Skylie's Adopted Kiddos

So, a small bit of free lore for my @loominggaia AU! Spoilers for my AU's distant future as well (We're talking into the 7th Age, bois and gals, so buckle up)

In the future, prolly right after one of her siblings outside of Teal or Marine dies, the curse of immortality hits Skylie like a truck. She enters a depressive state for at least a decade, until she meets a trio of young children: Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet. The three are triplets, and Skylie decides to take them under her wing, allowing her to grieve the rest of her siblings dying in a fairly rapid succession.

Skylie takes them to Ascendance Capital (What Damiscend becomes after becoming a Great Kingdom), and trains them. The fact they'll grow up and die never really leaves Skylie's mind though, even as she interacts and plays with her nieces and nephews' kids (Her siblings' grandkids, most of whom met their grandparents), bringing the kids along. Skylie discovers around this time Sygbarne and Vex are also divines.

Eventually, Skylie notices that after a good while (As in after Citrine dies of age-related issues), the three... Haven't aged a day after 16. Realizing they're divines like her, she decided to start hunting down random orphans globally and adopting them. Still a major popstar, she sometimes disguises herself and plays in shanty towns, picking up any kids she sees that are orphans.

Most of the kids grow up, sure, but after about 50 years after she found out the OG 3 were divines, and just after Amber finally died, leaving only Clarity, Saheli, Mako, and Acacia as surviving Evangeline Royal Cousins (Indigo, Cobalt's successor, died and gave the throne to his daughter, which no one minded: Evangeline had advanced culturally significantly), she has roughly 16 divine children in the House of the Hearth, which she named her gaggle of adopted children.

In the Hearth, Skylie usually has the older children help take care of the younger kids, especially when she's on missions with Saraia. Her divine children permanently remain affiliated with her, while her non-divine kids often retire and leave the House, which Skylie doesn't mind, but it still kills her every time a child dies from age.

Slowly, yet surely, her group of children is a veritable force within itself, featuring every species and a wide variety of age groups, from fae infants to commoner elderly and everything in between. Her kids will go on missions with her, but the Hearth affects Ascendance as well.

While Skylie forbids her divine kids from taking on rulership of Ascendance, her non-divine kids are totally fine. As none are technically related, some of her non-divine kids marry, with one couple managing to grab Ascendance's High Throne. They actually had heirs, and Skylie's kids thus made a lineage of royalty affiliated to her.

----------------------------------------------

Anyway, what about the other High Rulers?

Zareen: As a Great Kingdom no more, the Zareenites don't really decline, being supported by everyone wanting dirty industry. They still do the Forward Cycle and whatnot.

Mogdir: When OJ died, he passed rulership to Winnie's daughter. After she became too old, Mogdir had their cotes as usual. A youkai actually won the vote, a kitsune named Eiko.

Folkvar: Blomi passed leadership to a yuki onna named Ramira, who continued her goals of helping Folkvar not be so militaristic. Folkvar under Ramira gains a new moniker: The Frozen Kingdom.

Evangeline: Cobalt's lineage continues to lead well into the 7th Age

Matuzu: Same as Evangeline, but Clem (Who became King of Uekoro) and Rustafi, the High King after Skylie poisoned Marghan and stole his soul, have lineages that last right up until the first century of the 7th Age, although Rustafi's line loses High Kingship by the mid 6500s. Tyger also has a long-lasting line

Aquarian Alliance: Champ stays at active war with everyone, but most importantly having a vendetta against Damiscend. Things really heat up in the ocean fandom when a large rebellion of naiyul, meshnokai, kulipari, kappa, and more rebel against him, resulting in the hordes of sirene, now upset with him following the rebellion, going against him too. Many undines, realizing that the world is generally improving since Zareen gained a pollution shield surrounding it from Ascendance, no longer see themselves as needing the Alliance, which completely collapses only 50 years after Skylie forms the House of the Hearth, resulting in bloody wars in the sea as the cecaelia try to keep what little power they have now that everyone else is angry at them. More later, I'll put a pin in it for later

Yerim-Mor: Yerim-Mor, over the course of the 6th Age, slowly regains its wealth again, and 200 years in manages to gain enough economic stability for the ruler to sign the Nymph Pact, regaining its position as a better Great Kingdom.

The Others: Mostly stay the same, really.

However, war is brewing, as while the Great Kingdoms managed a well-established peace, the oceans were not peaceful, as everyone is fighting the cecaelia, actively pushing them into freshwater regions and onto land. This is not helped by the cecaelia's piss poor reproductive rate.

Eventually, the fighting got so bad Terria was taking notice, like right after Rustafi's dynasty lost control of Matuzu. The constant fighting was disrupting trade routes and the undines were trying to stop it by refusing to hand over mermaids and leaving the oceans with the cecaelia, fighting when they had to.

Luckily, after fighting everyone for a thousand years, the Aquarians finally managed to calm down enough for the hydriads and undines to pull up with la chanclas and scold them for being so fuckin stupid.

[isobelleposts]

Recalling My Childhood Through Patricia Evangelista’s “Some People Need Killing”

By Cassandra Isobelle [June 5, 2024]

[Cover of “Some People Need Killing” by Patricia Evangelista

I was only 9-years-old when Rodrigo Duterte was declared winner of the presidential election back in 2016. I was privileged enough to not witness the War on Drugs up-close and not have to worry about whether my father would be alive the next day or not.

But even so, my recollection of his Presidency was never good. During car rides with my family, I would hear my grandparents swear at the former President and talk about the latest news—the words “bastos” and “manyak” thrown about and engraved in my impression of him. All I knew was that my family did not like him. I saw how opinions would tear friendships and relatives apart, and it wasn’t until the pandemic hit that I began formulating my own thoughts and understanding what had led up to such ruthless comments on the internet.

[Sonya Gregorio, fifty-two, and Frank Anthony, twenty-five, moments before being shot by police officer Jonel Nuezca - December 20, 2020]

It was around the time this video went viral that I was awakened to what was happening in our country. I was told not to watch it because of its violence, and so I never did until recently when it was mentioned in this book. It made me realize how easy it is to scroll past an article or video on Facebook and continue your life wholly unaffected and unknowing of the story behind them, simply because it was not your life taken.

For the majority, life during Duterte’s term was normal. For reporters and journalists, on the other hand, it was a different case.

”I was furious instead at everyone who announced their indignation after ignoring a four-year parade of coffins.

Page 293 of “Some People Need Killing”

The numbers presented on the news of the Extrajudicial Killings were large, but not enough for the people to take action. It wasn’t enough that these cases were published through news articles day after day by people that stayed up just to tell the victims’ stories. It wasn’t enough until there were videos.

[Former President Rodrigo Duterte in Malabon, Metro Manila - April 27, 2016]

At some point in reading this book I started noticing how repetitive it can be. Case after case of killings; the same excuses, the same uniforms, the same stories but different characters. — This book is a reflection of Duterte’s leadership; an unending cycle.

”Kill, for example. It’s a word my president uses often. He said it at least 1,254 times in the first six months of his presidency, in a variety of contexts against his enemies.”

Page 6 of “Some People Need Killing”

Kill the drug addicts. Kill the activists. Kill the journalists. Kill them, period.

Patricia Evangelista’s efforts are present in the way this book captured so many details—the people she had to talk to, the stories she had to hear, and the bodies she had to witness just to complete this book. “Some People Need Killing” is a memoir, not just of the author's life but of the country’s.

[tarynkurt]

been away for a while, again

engineering at my first festival this week, and thrown in the deep end so suddenly, so that’s always a hard learning curve. i’m grateful, and it’s true i am learning much very quickly, though loneliness is a heavy depth when you’re so new and everyone else has their own bubbles from the past couple decades.

the best part, though, is that i could stay with family in the malvern hills to reach this festival - i hadn’t seen them in so long and i’m so thankful to at least have spent a good day with them when i arrived, before i had to be so immersed in this work that i’m gone early and back too late to catch one another again. hopefully monday i can make more of a vibe before i return for my last weeks of the tenancy in north london, wander the hills and finish my exposures on the minolta.

but anyway, back to being in my feelings

it’s hard to know what one really wants at this age, and to know that you’re making the right decisions is even harder. i think most people my age hate the prospect of constant work for survival, though i imagine that’s always the same for each generation, until they just have to and get so deep into the cycle.

the resolve i reach is always a deeper pursuit into artistry. though each day i realise my own capabilities are far too lacklustre to compete in this world, regardless of the unique lens i approach my work from, and so i must get back to study and practise. thankfully, my degree is over and i am returning to scotland for a few months to do just this, learn more, save money and rediscover what i need to about myself.

even with rational judgement, that good ol’ imposter syndrome hits hard right?

i’ve gone through a lot of doubts these past few months, despite some good achievements. what is needed is to take some time getting inspiration, going back to the source and rebuilding things. good job i have my platforms and expressions to bounce this on :)

but maybe i’ve missed out on more major milestones of growing up than i reckoned. now i keep asking myself what i want more, and i get more and more puzzled. add to that being let down by people, and you struggle to not harbour spite.

i can’t become a sour man full of spite.

anything but that.

without reverence and joy, what is there?

even through the hazy lens of my dark atmospheres.

time away will be good, but i can’t do it alone again. let’s hope i can find my people up there this time.

i miss you

and i miss me too

once again, reflection is needed.

[lostbizkits]

I will never get over the fact that the person who I considered one of my greatest friends actually Did Not In Fact Like Me for at least 4 years and during those 4 years deliberately tried excluding me from every conversation with others about my interests.

If a new anime came out and she wanted to talk about it she would specifically only talk about it when I wasn’t around.

When I started talking about said anime she would immediately lose interest and the cycle would continue

It happened like… 5 times 😭😭 like MHA, AOT, Undertale, Yuri on Ice, Tokyo Ghoul, DRAWING IN GENERAL it’s really funny now that I think about it.

I just straight up did not notice the entire time too my ass was so clueless I couldn’t fathom that she was doing this. I only found out because someone else told me 2 years after it started happening.

I will also never forget about how 3 of my highschool friends, 2 of them I knew for 13 years, got into relationships, didn’t tell me for a whole year, and laughed at me when I got confused when they were talking about how they’d all been “going strong” for a year.

I will never forget being considered weird and strange and childish for my interests esp since I was interested in them for way longer than my peers. That I was weird for liking things like anime and donghua even though I grew up watching anime and donghua (I could never beat the Asian poser allegations even though I was the only Asian ) but then 2017 hit and liking anime was cool all of a sudden and multiple people suddenly forgot they called me abnormal for liking ugly cartoons at my big age and were asking me for recommendations

I remember saying things to people and they would laugh but I’d never understand why it’s funny, to this day I don’t get it. I am very good at this now tho with my college friends so my SHS was probably just full of dry people.

The shit that keeps me up at night is also that all my teachers would tell my parents that I was highly distracted and always fidgeting or daydreaming, and that if I just worked on discipline and motivation I’d be a better student even though I wasn’t doing bad by any means from class 1 to fucking 6th form and no one clocked that I had ADHD is WILD

My mom, who majored in child psychology didn’t clock that I had ADHD for 19 entire years and called me drug seeking when I got my diagnosis and started treatment, because I was nothing like the ADHD kids that she worked with who were all 4.

Also the fact that my childhood was lowkey a giant fluorescent sign of it all and no one clocked it is hilarious. I pulled the straps of my shoes so tight they’d rip because I don’t like the feeling of shoes having air in them, I have dents from it like my feet would not get proper circulation because my shoes were so tight. I cut along the seems of all my school socks because if the seem touched my toe pads I would cry. My favourite thing to do second to playing Mario kart and watching 3 movies on rotation (ponyo, cindarella, Monster High: 13 Wishes) was to stack my collection of kid encyclopedias ( 14 at its peak), read them then put them into another stack. I had more kid encyclopedias but I didn’t like them because they had a different publisher so none of the stuff was in the same layout 0/10

The call was coming from inside the house but everyone had the phone on silent