#that has become so important to me over the years

[isa-ghost]

✨️ The Philverse Lore Masterpost ✨️

So I planned on making this a while ago and forgot but now I'm doing it.

And the formatting of this post MAY change in the future (like me providing other reference links and such for each Phil), but for now I'm gonna keep it simple.

This post is an explanation of how the Philza Cinematic Universe(tm) works, along with some widely accepted fanon things. It will update as cc!Phil changes things or canonizes new ones.

"Main" rp!Phil

"Main" Phil is Hardcore (hc) Phil, SMP Earth (smpe) Phil, DSMP (c) Phil, and QSMP (q) Phil. This is also the Phil that The Beginning by MaepleTea features.

It's important to note here that rp!Phil is canonically immortal (this is probably true for ALL rp!Phils, not just "main" Phil, cc!Phil has said things along these lines on multiple occasions in the past).

cc!Phil has described rp!Phil has hundreds of years old, though we have no idea how many centuries he's been alive. What we've seen is more or less just the last decade of his life, unless cc!Phil chooses to construct a timeline that says otherwise.

The timeline goes something like this:

HCS2 -> SMPE -> HCS4 -> DSMP -> QSMP -> ???

Obviously it's not linear like that, HCS4 is simultaneously going on during SMPE, DSMP & QSMP. In roleplay, the canon explanation is that hc!Phil can travel to other universes through what is basically dreamwalking. This gets explicitly confirmed in QSMP lore.

In other words, the Hardcore World is rp!Phil's universe of origin. A common headcanon related to this is that all seasons of Hardcore are one universe, which resets itself each time rp!Phil dies. After each reset, rp!Phil retains his memories of the previous iteration and starts over again, but with new knowledge to avoid dying again.

A better way to visualize this timeline would be to refer to IRL dates, like this (click for better quality):

Note: I didn't include HCS3 because it lasted like two weeks. Consider it a blip in rp!Phil's long immortal lifespan, if anything. I also didn't include HCS1 because Phil basically never refers to it other than the way that it ended. Considering there wasn't really any lore about hc!Phil being a historian/explorer prior to HCS4 anyway, this is basically fine to assume.

All of the above being the same guy is canonically confirmed, either explicitly stated BY cc!Phil himself, or with undeniable implications within roleplay.

SMP Earth is the only one of these that gets a little iffy to call confirmed because it's never been explicitly stated and technically SMPE wasn't a roleplay server, BUT: Considering the references and parallels c!Emduo make when they move to the tundra to get away from the rest of the DSMP, it becomes pretty obvious it can be considered canon. There are also multiple occasions where c!Emduo refer to what they did during the Antarctic Empire times. Furthermore, and I'll reiterate this in a moment: q!Phil tells stories to Chayanne & Lullah of things he and rp!Techno did during SMPE.

HCS2 (more specifically Phil's death) obviously gets referred to constantly in and out of roleplay, making it canon whether cc!Phil wants/considers it to be or not. This is one of few deaths we know rp!Phil has experienced, if not the only one. I imply there may be multiple deaths here because I don't remember if cc!Phil confirmed that rp!Phil died at the end of The Beginning before being saved by Goddess of Death or not. If so, that means rp!Phil has died at least twice: then, and in HCS2.

QSMP is actually the key universe to all of these other Phils being connected, since that is where cc!Phil chose to do lore to confirm all of these are the same guy. Prior to QSMP, we only knew SMPE and DSMP were connected thanks to c!Emduo.

QSMP confirmed that q!Phil is hc!Phil formally via the dreamwalking lore. Additionally, prior to this lore being dropped, again: there were multiple instances in which q!Phil told Chayanne & Lullah stories from his time on SMPE. Obviously, if SMPE is canon to both DSMP and QSMP, then those two are also connected by default. These stories were not the only reference to DSMP made during QSMP either. Multiple previous DSMP members also canonized DSMP and QSMP being connected.

And during all of this, rp!Phil is dreamwalking from the Hardcore World to these other worlds.

Origins SMP Phil (o!Phil)

This version of Phil is his own separate guy with a fully unique story from "main" Phil.

While "main" Phil is an immortal historian and explorer from Hardcore that can travel to other worlds via his dreams, o!Phil is an even more avian-coded guy trying his hardest to be a villain but failing at it miserably /aff.

As confirmed by cc!Phil: o!Phil comes from a dirt poor family who didn't want him to suffer the horrific reality of living in poverty, so his parents spoiled him rotten to the point of making themselves suffer. They later mysteriously disappeared (and are likely now dead). o!Phil's story in-rp (eventually) begins with him searching for them.

o!Phil has no idea he's not actually the entitled royalty he thinks he is. He eventually bonds with o!Sneeg, who chooses to be a "villain" with him, and they have a whole riveting, silly, weird ass codependent besties thing going on for the rest of Origin's multiple reboots. Their friendship in OSMP is what inspired 1/3 of the current theories for tr!Phil, who I'll get to momentarily.

o!Phil also canonically appeared in Rats SMP as a guest, as did o!Sneeg. They were searching for each other in the wake of OSMP "ending" (read: dying, again), and this intensified the fandom's interpretation that they're inseparable/codependent. This cameo also confirmed that both o!Phil and o!Sneeg can travel universes like "main" Phil.

Another important note: Some Crows consider cc!Phil's cameo in Aimsey SMP (ASMP) to be o!Phil because they share very similar attitudes and penchants for material goods, especially "shiny things."

Squidcraft Phil (sc!Phil)

The easiest rp!Phil to explain. cc!Phil himself said that sc!Phil is an alternate timeline version of "main" Phil, specifically q!Phil.

This is probably only due to the fact that Missa and several other QSMP members were in 2023's Squidcraft event, and cc!Phil couldn't resist being an angsty little shit with Missa throughout the event until his elimination.

The Realm SMP Phil (tr!Phil)

As of early 2025 when I'm making this post, we have no idea how tr!Phil fits into the Philverse. cc!Phil explicitly states he has no plans or intentions whatsoever to do lore on TRSMP, even if he does roleplay with other players like Sneeg or Fit. Assuming he doesn't change his mind on that, the following is ENTIRELY what the fandom headcanons/theorizes is true.

There are 3 main interpretations for tr!Phil's origin and I explain those in depth in this post here!

If or when we get more to go off of, I will update this section of the post. :)

Bonus Note(s)

MCC

The MCYT fandom widely headcanons MCC as a weird multiverse Hunger Games type thing where Noxcrew and Scott Smajor, whatever kind of higher power they may be, drag MCYTs across several universes into their little liminal space/pocket universe type place and have them to compete in the championship.

There have been references to MCC in SMPs during moments of varying degrees of roleplay were occurring. In rp!Phil's case, it's safe to consider "main" Phil is the one who gets put into MCC.

None of this, to my memory, is considered canon by cc!Phil, just silly popular fanon.

(If/when we get more versions of rp!Phil, I'll add them wherever they belong in this post!)

[lonniemachin]

PLEASE HELP MARAH'S CAMPAIGN MOVE FORWARD

This February, Help Keep This Palestinian Family’s GoFundMe From Disappearing

From a friend of Marah's:

Marah is a teenage girl trying to raise funds for the continued survival of herself and her family in Gaza. The resources available to them to take care of each other when they are sick, injured, and malnourished are all expensive in a war zone and Marah, her siblings, and her mother all rely on the funds that come from this campaign to take care of each other.

Unfortunately, Marah’s campaign has frequently fallen stagnant for long lengths of time. Even as she tirelessly reaches out to people on Twitter to share her story and what she and her family are going through, there are weeks where not a single donation comes in and with so much on the line and so much lost this is often incredibly discouraging. To document what she’s going through while it increasingly feels like it might be reaching no one is often incredibly discouraging.

I know right now there are a lot of people who need help, and as more people have turned to crowdfunding over the past year resources have become spread thin. I know choosing between who to support when you have finite resources to offer can feel paralyzing. But I also know that the seemingly small efforts add up to make a difference. they make a difference from everyone, and they can make a difference for everyone. And they can make a difference for Marah and her family, if we promise not to look away.

So this month what I am asking is for you to help me keep this campaign from falling back into days/weeks/months long stagnation. My goal is for every day to be a day with a donation. Even if you can’t donate, please share, please watch out for Marah’s campaign and follow whether she’s received support. On the days that go by where she receives none, please notice this. Please help other people notice this. The most important thing is that when people ask for help, we can hear them.

The last donation to Marah's campaign was 19 hours ago, completing our objective for day 1. Onto day 2!

***This campaign is vetted by association. Marah is a friend of another Palestinian teenager, Deyaa, whose story traveling to the US for medical treatment is well-documented. I personally put the owner of Marah's campaign in contact with Marah when it was being set up, who herself documents she and her family's life in Gaza on her Twitter account @/MarahContact.***

Tagging for reach under the cut.

@90-ghost @nabulsi @feluka @awomanofsorts @watermotif @sayruq @sar-soor @palipunk-blog @irhabiya @wellwaterhysteria @buttercuparry @gothhabiba @khanger @neptunerings @lesbianmaxevans @malcriaada @appsa @dykesbat @dlxxv-vetted-donations @commissions4aid-international @gazagfmboost @palhelp @kibumkim @transmutationisms @socalgal @chilewithcarnage @victoriawhimsey @rhubarbspring @magnus-rhymes-with-swagness

[ithilien-writes]

ficlet prompt: buck having a bad chronic pain day in his leg :)

thanks for the prompt! i had fun with this one 🥰

(to anyone reading: this was written really quickly and without much editing, so please take it in that spirit. i'm past the block that sparked the original call for prompts, but you can still always feel free to send me some more!!)

---

Rotten Work [Buck/Eddie (Buck & Chris), G, ~800 words]

Chris knows instinctively what kind of day it's going to be from almost the moment he wakes up. Or, at least from the moment he walks into the living room and sees Buck sprawled out on the couch.

Just a few months ago, it wouldn't have been an odd sight - Buck used to stay over on their couch all the time. And it's not that he doesn't stay over now; if anything, he stays over way more. He's just... not exactly been sleeping on the couch these days.

"Hey Buck," Chris calls out, keeping his voice soft even though he's pretty sure Buck's awake.

Sure enough, Buck stirs at the greeting, craning his neck up to look over at Chris, but without moving his body at all. So that's definitely sign number two.

"Hey bud," Buck greets him back, just as softly.

"Cuttlefish day?" Chris asks, even though he's almost positive he already knows the answer.

Buck manages a small smile back at him.

"Cuttlefish day," he confirms.

It was something they'd started when Chris was still pretty little. Honestly, Chris isn't sure that he even really remembers the day it started, except that he's heard the story from Dad. Apparently, on one of the first truly bad pain days he'd had after his mom died, Chris had been so overwhelmed by everything that he'd had a full sobbing meltdown, and he'd told his dad in between his little hiccuping cries that he didn't even want to be a person anymore.

"What do you want to be instead?" Dad had asked, holding Chris to his chest and rubbing his legs soothingly.

Which- apparently the question had been enough to distract Chris from his meltdown, finally getting him to stop crying as he thought about it with all the seriousness that an eight year-old could muster for such an important question. And then, on a huge aquarium kick at the time, he'd eventually decided he'd rather be a cuttlefish.

So now, in the years since it had become a kind of shorthand in their house for a bad pain day - initially for Chris, but eventually for Buck too.

So Chris simply nods at Buck's confirmation, before slipping back into the hallway to grab the TENS machine out of the closet, bringing it out to Buck who gives him another grateful smile in return. Then while Buck begins placing the electrodes along his bad leg, Chris heads into the kitchen to grab a coffee for Buck and a bowl of cereal for himself.

When Dad finally wakes up and joins them about an hour later, they've already finished breakfast and are well into a documentary on rubik's cube championships - which are apparently a thing? - and Buck's looking markedly more relaxed than he was at the start of the morning.

Dad ruffles Chris's hair as he walks by - which Chris tries to dodge, unsuccessfully - and then he leans down over the back of the couch to press a kiss into Buck's hairline.

"Cuttlefish day?" he asks, and Buck hums an affirmative, even as he tilts his head back to smile up at Dad with the same goofy, besotted grin he always has for him.

"Chris has been taking such good care of me though, I think I might actually be a person again before dinner," he tells Dad.

Dad looks over at Chris and catches his eye, his expression soft and appreciative.

"Well, I'm glad someone was taking care of you," he says after a moment, looking back down at Buck, "since I was apparently sleeping on the job."

He says it in a teasing tone, but also with a subtle undercurrent of actual annoyance that no one woke him up. Chris rolls his eyes.

Buck seems to pick up on it too.

"Well you can go get me another cup of coffee while you're up," he offers magnanimously, "if it would make you feel better."

Dad huffs out a laugh, but dutifully grabs Buck's mug from the coffee table before heading towards the kitchen.

Buck picks up the remote to unpause the documentary, but then looks over towards Chris instead.

"Hey," he says softly. "I meant that, you know. Thank you for taking care of me this morning. I really am feeling a lot better."

Chris shrugs. It's not like Buck hasn't been on the other side of enough of Chris's own cuttlefish days. It's nice to be able to return the favor, honestly.

He doesn't actually say that out loud though, for some reason. But he thinks maybe Buck understands anyway.

"Even if you're feeling better, maybe we could still order take out tonight?" he suggests instead, and Buck laughs.

"Yeah okay," he agrees easily. "I think I might be able to convince your dad on that one."

And when Dad comes back in a few moments later, tucking himself against Buck's side on the couch and handing him his coffee, it turns out it's not even all that hard of a sell.

[softlypaintedseafoam]

🍓ー thank you for your patronage at the strawberry witch's bakery! here's your order!

requested by: a lovely anon! 🍓 -> luffy + strawberry milk (i love you)

"Tired," you question for the sake of conversation.

Your lips quirk into a smile when Luffy makes a grunt of agreement in reply. 'Tired' is an understatement. It's no overestimation to say the lot of you are exhausted; Whole Cake Island, Big Mom and her vast array of children just barely behind you.

'Exhausted' is best word to describe the feeling of those present on the ship. It's barely the morning but it still feels like you all should be asleep. It would have been nice if the night could have lasted a little longer. You release an audible sigh, at peace. Even with your exhaustion, you're at peace.

Sanji has returned and even with the crew separated ー miles and miles of sea in between ー it feels as all is once again right in the world. Sans the oddity in part of your crew missing, it's like nothing has changed.

Nami draws her maps, plotting calculated yet safe courses for the crew's trip.

Chopper replenishes his supply of medical goods.

Sanji cooks up a storm of seasonings and aromatic fragrances.

Even Carrot's laments that Brook's bones are too hard to garchu properly has become part of your normal. It's nice to see the rabbit mink in better spirits, all the events that transpired at Whole Cake Island considered.

What's important is that you're all alive.

A lot has been gained, a lot has been lost.

Who knew where Jinbei was. Was he already trailing the Sunny to Wano or was he still within the confines of Big Mom's sea? Your guess is as good as anyone else's. You choose to trust in his promise to Luffy regardless.

Looking at the captain in question, your lap as his pillow, you don't fight the affection bubbling beneath your skin. He's battered, bruised but he's alive and he's yours. In the rare moments Luffy is quiet and not bouncing off the walls, it's almost as if he is in a state of meditation. Pondering things, worlds, you're not sure you entirely comprehend.

"You should get some sleep if you're tired," you murmur, lips brushing against his forehead. Whatever he is thinking, you treasure the moments when Luffy simply wants to be alone together even if not many words are exchanged between you.

"I'm not that kind of tired," Luffy protests softly, brow furrowing. Eyes a brown so dark they may as well be black give you a look too stern for the situation.

"Yeah, yeah," you card your fingers through messy black hair, with a chuckle. You remember distinctly thinking two years ago that his hair must be softer than it looks. You're pleased to tell your younger self that their assumption was correct. Luffy's hair is a texture softer than soft. "My mistake, Captain," your tone has a playful lilt to it, nothing a fraction close to serious. "I don't doubt you at all."

Luffy beams, eyes crinkling at the corners and his smile brighter than the sun. "Good!"He nods with his exclamation. "I love you," light as his tone is, the words he says are never meant lightly. He says it blithely, joyously, like freedom itself has finally been gifted upon humanity. His words are a treasure.

Your index finger and thumb glide continuously over a particular strand of Luffy's hair, a grounding sensation. You have to or you'll float far, far away from the Sunny and back into the realm of the sky islands. I don't think you'd let me, though. It's too easy imagining a stretchy, rubbery arm latching around you after looping your waste ten times over. Wherever you go, Luffy is sure to follow not far behind. "Love you too," you kiss his forehead again.

[eleanorblythe]

My Mini Emmrich Headcannon (That makes me slightly feral)

Emmrich is covered in jewellery. Head to toe. Carefully picking pieces over the years (some gifted, some found/bought for various sentimental or aesthetic reasons) that are good enough for his grave gold and be buried with him eternally (or live on eternally if he did succeed in becoming a lich)

I headcannon that despite a ring on each finger - some fingers have more than one ring on them - he leaves his ring finger empty.

At first, he thought it was bad luck to put a ring on his ring finger before he would be married. Then as he got older, when he realised that he probably was never going to get married, he still couldn’t bring himself to find another ring to put there - a small part of him holding out hope that one day (one day!) it must happen for him, but also just starting to accept the reality of it. His naked finger a symbol of his loneliness.

So when he falls head over heels for Rook and she does for him and they survive the gods and eventually marry - a simple gold wedding band is the single most beautiful and important piece of jewellery he has ever owned and it shines just that bit brighter than the rest of his grave gold…

I’m down bad for yet another fictional older man, send help. (Don’t send help, it brings me so much joy)

[suugarbabe]

(I tried looking you up by Sab again)

Ok so I checked if your requests were open first annddddd….. ok so *takes a deep breath* in my old age, I’ve become a fall risk (jk) BUT I did slip in the snow and ice the other day - it was chill, I laughed and laughed and laughed, got back up and went about my business - but I landed right on my tailbone and now my neck and the arm I tried to catch myself on are KILLING me.

All this to say….Can I request a fic - I’ll leave the ship up to you, any of the Slytherin boys will do - where reader does something similar and how they would fuss over her?

xoxoxo love you love time my sweet lovely lady <3 <3

maybe one day i will have cher-ified myself enough to be known only as sab and you can search that alone to find me, but alas...it has still not come to that yet my sweet girl.

let's do my darling boy theodore for this one 😇 may or may not have gone a little extra with some slight hurt comfort so i do apologize (this is not proofread)

It really didn't seem like that big of a deal, at least not at the time. You had crazily suggested walking back from Hogsmeade yesterday. The snow just looked so pretty on the ground, and Scotland was in a rare day to where it wasn't actually windy. Thus, you opted for a walk, for the views (and because you just didn't feel like going back to the castle so soon).

The majority of your group opted for the carriage ride. 'Do you see these shoes? They're not walking back', Enzo was in full dramatics yesterday. Shy, sweet, lovely, Theo was the only one who volunteered to walk with you. Whipped was what Matty called him, the others giggles following suit. Theo threw two fingers in the air before Matty returned the gesture and closed the carriage door.

Theo had laced his fingers with yours with practiced ease, slowing his step down slightly to keep pace with yours. Conversation always flowed easy between you and Theo. The others never seemed to believe you; Theo had grown pretty quiet since third year. But that never seemed to be the case when he was by your side.

And you knew the feeling, that little rush of excitement in your chest when you were around him. The energy that seemed to flow through your veins and extend into your finger tips. Like anything he was saying was the most important thing in the world. And all you wanted to do was tell him every thought you'd ever had. Because you knew he listened, and he listened intently.

That's what he was doing now; listening. You were going on and on about an extra credit assignment Flitwick was letting you do for charms. Theo loved how enthusiastically you spoke when you were excited. Your hand had slipped from his, but he didn't mind. He knew you needed both in order to feel like your story telling was getting across.

You were telling him how close you were to being successful, maybe getting a little too excited as you had hopped just the smallest bit; which was what happened to cause your down fall. Literally. On the come down from your small hap the heel of your boot caught a patch of ice.

He had tried to reach out for you, but your body had slammed on the ground faster than even his chaser reactions could muster. You had tried to catch yourself too, to no avail. Instead you landed right on your ass, your tailbone catching the majority of your weight as you hit the frozen cobblestone path.

You had attempted to reach an arm out too, only for your elbow to collide with the ground just after your bottom. Theo was quick to get to your level, running his hands along your arms and legs, checking for anything swollen or broken. He had taken your face in his hands, his eyes full of worry until you cracked a smile.

And then you started laughing. Laughing and laughing and laying back down flat on the stone and ice, a hand holding your elbow. Theo had laughed with you, albeit only slightly and very nervously, before helping you stand back up and half-carrying you to the castle grounds.

So it really had been nothing, the pain even slightly subsiding once your reached your dorm.

Until you woke up this morning. And everything hurt.

Your friends had tried to wake you up for breakfast, nudging you awake. Even the slightly touch to your elbow had you cursing. "For fucks sake," you groaned, "just go without me." Your tone was sharp without meaning to, but it felt like your whole body was throbbing.

When everyone else finally left you tried to roll on to your back only for a shooting pain to travel from your tail bone up to the base of your skull, "Fucking Salazar, nope. Not happening." You then went to roll on your side, seemingly forgetting about your arm until you pushed it too far into the bed and a hiss left your lips.

You groaned in frustration, flipping (slowly) on to your stomach, deciding in that moment that the only way you were leaving your bed today was to go to the bathroom. And even that proved incredibly difficult in the state your muscles and bones were feeling.

Thankfully your friends had brought you up some breakfast, you munching slightly on fruit on toast like half-holding your self up on your good elbow before laying back down on your stomach. Your hope was that by using your body as minimal as possible today would then make you feel only a tiny bit sore and normal tomorrow.

After an unknown length of time, your sleep was interrupted by vocal commotion outside your door. "Theo, mate, you can't just barge in to someone's room," it sounded very much like Mattheo, but you couldn't be for sure through the thickness of the door.

That wasn't a problem quickly, as (assumingely) Theo had pushed your door open, shouting back at Matty in Italian, "non dirmi cosa fare! (don't tell me what to do)".

You were still rubbing sleep from your eyes when you felt a dip in your mattress near your head. As you peaked an eye open, you came face to face with Theo. His eyes were wide, the blue in his iris's so clear you could almost see right through them. If you could you'd have seen the racing thoughts flowing in Theo's mind.

"Tesoro, love, what is hurting. How can I help? Why are you laying on your stomach, can you not move? Oh Merlino, is it bad?" Theo's hands hovered over your, not sure where was safe to touch and where wasn't.

You let out a small laugh, the action making your torso shake and the pain in your back become shooting again. Your wince did little to ease Theo's mind, "I knew I should've taken you to Pomfrey after you fell yesterday."

Shaking your head, you reached out to grab his wrist, effectively calming his hovering hands, "I'm just a little sore, Teddy. Probably bruised my tailbone. I know I've got a bruise on my elbow." You lifted that arm up, displaying the hint of purple on your skin.

"il mio angelo..." Theo gently held your arm just below the color change, his lips placing the gentlest kiss to your affected skin. You hummed in content at the action, knowing surely your cheeks blushed. "Since you're here, think you'd be comfortable enough to check my lower back? It hurts like no other."

"Of course," Theo stood up from the side of your bed, grasping the edge of your duvet before pulling it down just below the small of your back. "Nice pajamas," you could hear the smirk in Mattheo's voice as Theo slowly pulled your pajama top. "Bloody hell, Theo said you fell but-"

"Enough Matt-" there was a sharpness in Theo's voice that Mattheo seemed to follow without question. Mattheo seemed to also take that as his cue to leave, effectively leaving you and Theo alone in your room.

Theo's fingertips brushed lightly over the purple bruise that spread from underneath your pajama bottoms, "Tesoro, you poor thing. I'm so sorry I didn't help more yesterday. I should've...I should've done more yesterday. I could've given you an elixir or something...preventative even.

You've been in pain all day and I've been doing nothing you help," Theo nearly collapsed on the side of your bed, head falling to his hands. You pushed yourself up the best you could, leaning more to your good side and breathing deeply as to not further worry him.

"Teddy...it's okay. I didn't even hurt that much yesterday," You placed a hand on his back, rubbing smooth circles across it. Theo looked at you then, and you noticed his eyes slightly brimming with tears.

Your heart all but broke in two, pulling him in tight embrace, "I'm okay, Teddy. I promise." Theo squeezes you tightly, burying his face in your neck. "M'sorry. M'so sorry," a few tears had fallen down his cheeks when he pulled away; you quickly reached up and wiped them away.

"It's just.." he looked away from you briefly, "it's just i couldn't really...do anything when my mum was dying. So when someone i lo-care about gets hurt it just...scares me a little." You grabbed hold of his hand, lacing your fingers with his, "Well I'm glad you care about me, Theo. I, erm, care a lot about you too."

Theo met your eyes again, "Yeah?" You nodded, pulling your lip between your teeth. "Good," Theo's smile was back, a small pull of his lips and a brightness in his eyes. Then he leaned in closer, tension palatable with the shortening of distance.

He free hand cupped your jaw, thumb tracing gently on your cheek. You decided to be the bold one, fisting the material of his shirt and pulling his lips down to yours. It was soft at first, Theo gasping slightly at your eagerness before melting in to it all together, letting out a quiet hum of satisfaction.

His hands soon found your waist, full intentions on deepening the kiss as his hand moved to your back before you pushed him back with a slight hiss. Theo's face fell, "M'so sorry, I-" you held his hand up, cutting him off, "It's okay, Teddy. I'm fine. Just...maybe another kiss will make me feel better again."

Theo nodded, playful grin on his lips, "I can do that."

[hearthpunk]

Trans Trauma Olympics are Bullshit (TW)

As someone who was assigned AFAB and experienced CSA, rape as a youth, and continued SA in adulthood (99% from cis men)...

I totally get why so many cis women and queers have fear and loathing toward men. I hated men for awhile. I was coping. I didn't want to stay in that mindset because it didn't align with my values or beliefs in humanity, and it was just too prejudicial and defeatest to believe that all men are evil (even if I saw evidence at school, church, everywhere, etc.,). But I never interrupted my similarly traumatized female friends when they needed to vent. I related to the wounds. I understood the need for a safe place to express the pain without being silenced. I eventually corrected myself and spoke in more balanced ways, trusting that they would arrive at greater balance in their own time. And most of them have.

I spent several years identifying as nonbinary. And in that time I became a mother to a son. And it became even more important to me to end the association of man = evil. My child is a child. I want for him to have healthy masculine role models and a healthy relationship to all aspects of his identity. I never want him to feel ashamed for being born in a certain body, or even with a certain privilege.

And over the last few months I've been realizing that I'm transmasc. And apparently I'm behind on years of online discourse about transmascs + trans men supposedly having privilege over trans women and inherently oppressing trans women.

And it's one of the most delusional arguments I've ever seen. Please tell me more about how someone who has been oppressed by misogyny since birth somehow is just no longer affected by it the moment they announce themselves to be a trans man.

Not only does identifying not equate to passing, and not only does transitioning not equate to passing, but passing does not erase the trauma of oppression. Passing also does not guarantee adequate and equitable reproductive care. Passing does not eliminate the harm of being erased and marginalized even within the queer and trans communities.

When a perceived-male comes out as a trans woman, she is stigmatized as a "failed man." She is vulnerable, targeted, harmed, and sometimes killed. And cis women who are TERFs claim that trans women make the bathrooms unsafe because they're just predators and pervs. The harm done to trans women is criminal.

And also, when a perceived-female comes out as a trans man, he is seen as a "failed woman" and a "new predator." A villain who makes women and femme enbies unsafe. He is also vulnerable, targeted, harmed, and sometimes killed. He is alienated from his peers because he chose to become one with "the enemy."*

*I'm talking about no longer being allowed in certain queer spaces that are designated for women and enbies only. (Which is not to say that women shouldn't have safe spaces. It is to say that trans men are losing access to safe spaces that they once had access to and equivalent spaces are not readily available, and trans men are generally not endangering women.)

Do you realize that many trans men have spent their lives primarily befriending, being perceived as, and surrounded by women?

Do you realize that trans men are not granted widespread acceptance as men by society, and thus are not - systemically, as a demographic - capable of oppressing anyone else on the basis of their gender?

A trans man who passes may experience some instances of male privilege, and that still does not equate to trans men as a demographic being socially empowered to oppress anyone else. IT IS EQUIVALENT TO HOW CIS WOMEN ARE SOMETIMES PERCEIVED INACCURATELY AS MEN AND RECEIVE INCIDENTAL INSTANCES OF MALE PRIVILEGE WITHOUT BEING CAPABLE OF OPPRESSING CISGENDER MEN. In case you havent noticed, transphobic cis men are not building new gender thrones for trans men. And trans men don't want to oppress our queer cousins. (Relatedly, the number of times I've seen a trans man communicating in good faith be deliberately misunderstood and villified is disgusting.)

Because everyone loves She-Ra-Ra, gurl power! But what must be wrong with you to want to be a man? And the jokes aren't jokes when they cause trans folx to be alienated from the only communities that were supposed to be guaranteed safe spaces.

Because we all agree it's okay to want to be a girl. We can point to so many iconic trans women who bravely paved the way for more trans women to be themselves. But we transmascs don't have as readily accessible representatives and trailblazers for our identity acceptance...because even queer and trans folx often agree that it's not okay to want to be a man.

A trans man doesn't just automatically become TME because he transitions, and - I would argue - the multifaceted aggression of bioessentialist gender politics means that both trans men and trans women are negatively impacted by sexism and misogyny.

And I will sustain that the average trans woman who has only recently begun to experience and study direct misogyny has less understanding of misogyny than the average trans man who has lived most of his life experiencing, learning about, and dismantling misogyny. In short, transandrophobic trans women can stop preaching to the choir now, we been here. (And just like trans folx can have internalized transphobia, folx of any kind can have internalized misogyny. So stop invalidating trans masc experiences with misogyny in order to villify us because that is literally perpetuating erasure.)

And finally...

WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT COMPARING THE MILLSTONES AROUND OUR NECKS WHEN WE'RE ALL BEING THROWN INTO THE RIVER?!?!?!?

Some of you out there with complexes who are determined to be the loudest and proudest victims, while ostracizing and intentionally demonizing your trans cousins, should be ashamed. And trans women could learn from trans men ways to navigate misogyny, just like trans men can learn ways to navigate male-coded privilege from trans women. Because the truth is, trans people share more experiences than not. Tearing each other apart is wasting our precious time and robbing future generations of a coherent community.

And anyone who starts ranking BIPOC trans folx as oppressing white trans folx needs to check their privilege and educate themselves with an open heart before they make embarrassing, bigoted, racist statements. That's not how intersectional oppression works and - once again - that mindset further divides parts of our community that are fighting the same fight...for our collective liberty.

- Signed an African-descent mixed race transmasc genderqueer who is fucking disappointed by the in-fighting.

And if anyone fucking deliberately misconstrues me as belittling trans women's voices or rights to safety and respect then you're proving my point that stigma against trans men promotes our erasure, including by the queer and trans community at large. I already wrote this dissertation to be as precise as possible because Osiris forbid I leave any reading comprehension or critical thinking up to the seething masses.

[seasonal-writes]

Hey there! So, it’s been a while. I have done a lot of thinking, some writing, some attempts—but I have come to the conclusion that I do not think I will be writing out the continuation and end of When Fate Finds Golden Rings. It took me a while to get to this point, and I'm so sorry to anyone who was hoping or expecting me to eventually come back to posting it on ao3. You know, you just.. don’t write on a fic for over a year-ish and surprise! Maybe you really lost the energy and passion for this piece after all. Which is okay. 

BUT. Instead,

Welcome to: Ro gives away the plans for the ending, rambles about that process, and gives other weird notes about their first big boy AU. Because I saw a post about bullet point-ing fic and realized I am, in fact, allowed to do that. 

Strap in because this is going to be a Big Post. Sorry in advance. And if it wasn't very obvious, um. Spoilers for When Fate Finds Golden Rings below the cut. <3

It’ll probably be starting at chapter 14. 

So, I want to disclose, before we begin: the ending is not totally up to my current standards as a writer. And this isn’t going to be me bashing my own creative process or my burnout or anything like that. I just feel like noting that… had I thought about the ending in more detail instead of flying by the seat of my pants, I think that it would be more put-together and interesting. I think that applies to the entire story, honestly. So. Yeah. If the ending falls a little flat, that is why. I was too busy daydreaming over my epilogue—which I will be talking about as well!! It's honestly my favorite aspect that came from continually thinking about the fic rather than writing it. LMAO.

Interestingly enough, I originally wrote that there were going to be at most like, 7-8 chapters left. realistically, that would probably not have happened. Considering this outline was in SHAMBLES, I can safely say it would’ve been a whirlwind last few chapters. sincerely, future Ro after writing out the mess you’re about to see.

The place where Joel, Lizzie, and Etho live was going to be the place where the ending took place. All the chapters in this “arc” as I'd call them—even though that’s not really what they are—were going to be here and were originally intended to be a deeper dive into Tango’s background. Since the first half of the story is really steeped in Jimmy’s world, it had only felt right to give Tango his own section and exposition as a character.

This was going to become the part of the story where it’s like, Jimmy and tango are in a more stable place for a moment so it gives them more time to reflect. It also would’ve given them time to be away from each other, which I thought was important for two guys who had been subjected to good ol’ forced proximity and were finally given little outs to be apart; i.e. Etho taking tango away for a day, Jimmy spending time with Lizzie and/or Joel. That was a chapter idea I had: both basically kinda being like: yeah! no! I can be alone. I don't miss him at all. not even a little. it feels weird without him here though, right- and just dealing with that. Plus the fear of getting caught, the fear of the OTHER one getting caught and not knowing. yeah. <3

Something I had planned on happening between Tango and Jimmy was that Jimmy was basically going to very much avoid his own feelings all around. He’s so attached to this guy, very much falling for him, and convinced that he is in the way despite it all. He’s kinda… under the impression that maybe he’s in the wrong for not wanting to stay, because OBVIOUSLY Jimmy knows better than to stay in one place like this after the whole journey thus far, when Tango seems so happy. So Jimmy, flawed as this idea is, just assumes Tango will be better off if he stays close to his home and Jimmy doesn’t want to make Tango feel like he has to keep running. The best way i can describe this is like

Jimmy: Man. Tango seems really happy here. I don't think he needs me. I bet he wants to stay. No, I'm not gonna ask him, that’s crazy. What I WILL do, however, is leave without telling him. 

and then he did. :) 

That was basically going to lead into a chapter where Jimmy is ~kidnapped~ on his way out of town by ANOTHER set of characters I was excited about: the mercenaries, Ren, Martyn, and BigB! Golden Rings!Ren is fun to me because he keeps the Red King aesthetic. For some context of why they exist: the three stooges mercenaries heard through the grapevine that if the two princes were captured and returned alive, there would be a big reward. I never actually decided if they’d been tracking Jimmy and Tango for a while, or if it was a coincidence that the reward went out and they happened to stumble into town. but all that matters is that Ren ‘n Gang are in fact successful, and smuggle Jimmy off to a camp somewhere along the road headed back to the palace with full intentions of bringing him home, with or without tango. 

behind the scenes, tango is actively losing his mind. so, fun fact here: I never actually…wrote down how this next bit happens. please forgive me i haven’t touched this outline in like a year and a lot has happened since then- but OoOoh wow! Tango manages to find him!! at the camp!! at night. please note here that golden rings!tango has reflective animal eyes. like cats at night when light shines on them? that’s tango. 

I had this whole scene planned where I would riff off the Tango Rage and make him go nuts on these guys. The funny thing is that Tango can’t really fight, but I think he would do an effective job on scaring the shit out of them and chasing them out of camp. Like, spooky story level shit—crackling twigs, snapping branches, etc.. At the end, Tango manages to untie Jimmy and they make a quick getaway back to town. 

When I tell you this was gonna be one exciting chapter after exciting chapter, I mean it. The next big part, dear rancher enjoyers, was going to be the confession scene. 

Basically, imagine. Tango and Jimmy are walking home. tango is really quiet, won’t look at jimmy except to make sure he’s still right there. There is a storm brewing in the sky, and they’re trying to get back as soon as possible. but suddenly, tango freezes in place. Jimmy gets a few feet ahead, but stops and turns when he notices tango isn’t in pace with him. tango looks hurt. more hurt than jimmy’s ever seen him. which makes Jimmy feel awful. and it’s like:

T: If you wanted to leave, you should have told me.  J: …Tango. T: If you wanted to leave, you should have come and told me. We are friends— a team, you've said it yourself. I would’ve been ready to go.  J: I wasn’t…I was hoping you wouldn’t follow me.  T: Why wouldn’t I follow you? J: I just thought it’d be easier on both of us if I left you to your devices here. I’m sorry.  T: You’re sorry? You think that’s gonna just- just make this better for me? After you just up and left me there, worried that you’d been taken back to your family? T: And- And you almost were, too! You were this close, Jimmy! If you were that scared of staying then- J: You know, there was nothing forcing you to come get me, I could’ve just gone and you could’ve stayed and lived the life you wanted back in the palace! I thought that was the plan! Freedom for both of us! T: ….You really just don’t get it, huh? Are you that dense? J: What? What don’t I understand? T: I am in love with you, you idiot! J: …You.. you what? [dialogue taken from the scene i started writing but never finished<3]

And then more things happen and then they KISSSSSSSS !!! 

Realistically, I want to note that the transition between here and the ending was very finicky and not written down. so, instead, i will be giving you a general run down of what the ending was supposed to be. 

With tango and jimmy now having confessed and acting upon those feelings, they think they’re safe for the moment. However, soon after, etho finds them and basically alerts them of an uptick of Nether Guard, having heard that the mercenaries reported their sighting and now, rather rapidly because ~portal transport~, the kings were sending search parties out once more. etho suggests they get out of the city, and the two agree, prepping quickly to leave what became a very good few allies and safe place for the roads once more. 

The day they are supposed to flee, the overworld’s royal party arrives; Grian heading the way, seeming to be the one sent to find his little brother. 

This part got really fuzzy for me because I don't think I ever actually plotted out the transitionary period between "you two need to run" and "we're running, it's bad."

What I do know, though, is that the final scene would’ve been a confrontation with Grian, who attempts to convince them to come home. but when Jimmy explains, begs his brother to try and understand (i also think he uses his secret relationship with Scar as a bit of an example. leverage, even); Grian eventually wishes his brother goodbye, and turns a blind eye to let them run. 

Epilogue: Tango and Jimmy, fittingly, escape to the countryside. When they eventually outrun search parties and the call for their return dies down, they settle on a tiny cottage out on a tiny farm with wishes to expand it and make it their own. Jimmy tends to the animals. Occasionally, he sends a letter under a false name, and he gets one in response; a brother, far away, still keeping him in on happenings in the kingdom and in his life. Tango dives into his redstone, creating and building and making things he never would’ve had much time to while being a king. He thinks of a guard, long left behind, and wonders if he thinks of him too. 

The two never marry, as marriage doesn’t leave a very sweet taste in their mouths—but they do make vows, whispered promises to stay together forever. A prophecy haunts them; but they were never really the type to obey any plan laid out for them, anyway. 

Some years later, a quiet life has been established—but one day, someone arrives. Tango has gone out to gather supplies, so when there’s a knock, Jimmy answers the door. 

Before him, there is a tall figure with a familiar set of eyes. Impulse, knight and ex-personal guard of the Nether Court, stands before him. When Tango returns to find him, a beautiful reunion is had; one with tears and relief and all the love in the world so present in one moment. 

GUESS WHAT !!! TANGO/JIMMY/IMPULSE CANON IN GOLDEN RINGS EPILOGUE!! IMPULSE COMES BACK TO HIS BOY AFTER ESSENTIALLY GIVING UP HIS GUARD POSITION BECAUSE IT’S NOT THE SAME!! THEY CAN BE SO SILLY TOGETHER NOW!! AAAAAAAAA I’VE BEEN WAITING TO SHARE THIS GOD-

please god someone ask me about this dynamic i’m not okay

And, yeah! That was kind of it for the story. As I said, it falls flat to an extent. It’s not the ending that I would give it today. I still wanted to share it, even if it wasn’t the best or most detailed. I love this story, I love this universe and its characters and all the work I did on it. I still want to think about it, talk about it, etc. I’m not letting it go completely, just.. the fic won’t be finished. I am of the firm belief that I could’ve done a lot of things differently, that the story could be even better if I rewrote it entirely. But that’s not a project for right now. :) Because holy shit this fic is at 65k and that would be… hoooo.. a lot of work. Just like picking it back up and finishing it would also be quite a bit of work. It’s hard—I’ve had people tell me just to do it, just to finish the damn thing for the sake of finishing it and not quitting. So, this is my version of that, even if it isn’t the same. I don’t feel like I’m quitting, I'm only a little sad about how it's ending for now, but it feels right. I’m just like 99% sure I won’t enjoy writing the rest out. And, like I said at the start, that’s okay. Passion and motivation changes. People grow.

Anyway, that’s all! Thanks for listening to my silly little ramble about this AU that is old but still lovely. If you guys have questions or wanna chat about the AU at all, my ask box is always open even if I am terrible at answering them. If I find anything else or think up anything, maybe I’ll post about it! But, for now, I hope you all enjoyed my sillies. I love everyone who set foot in this space and read what is still my most favorite fanfiction I've ever written. :)

[genderqueerdykes]

About your "Men (including cishet men) welcome to interact" post

As someone who's most important/supportive person in their life is our dad, & we have (or just have meet) other men who has meant a lot to us or have been really supportive or even our role models, sometimes people hatred or just distrust they have and how openly rude they are about it just a lot sometimes. Obviously & Honestly there's a lot to be said here(about this topic as whole) but we are not able to(personal comfortability & actual writing ability). Thank you for being a blog that has been here allowing us to be able to explore, understand, learn our(& others) identities/experiences in world, not making us feel bad for the people who support us just because of how the judge based off of the same thing the rest of society shuns us for. (a side note because of your blog we were able to get the nerve and make the push to start T just over a year ago now. A lot of it due to the help and support we got from our dad, who despite us being an adult has financially covered everything for it and the rest of our health as we are also disabled and only recently have been able to work at all) Thank you for your time in just reading this if ya do.

thanks for taking the time to send this, i really appreciate it!

i'm tired of seeing hate for the sake of hate. hate solves very little. like being a hater sucks actually, it's not cool to be shitty to other people for no reason. it bothers me deeply that people refuse to accept that there genuinely are cishet men who are queer allies out there, and in fact, some of them are absolutely amazing queer allies. i've had friends who were cishet men and gendered me correctly after i came out to them. i've had cishet men stand up for me when someone questions my manhood.

nobody considers the fact that there are queer people that just might have a loved one, partner, or friend who is a cishet man. why would it ever be okay to openly show hate to someone who supports you? hell, how you even expect someone to respect your gender and your orientation if you hate them based off of their gender and orientation? profiling someone based off of their gender & orientation is quite literally what queerphobes do, and doing it to random cishet men who haven't hurt you will not make those queerphobes stop profiling you.

treating someone else like shit just because you've been treated like shit is passing your trauma on to someone else. you're bleeding on someone who did not cut you.

(a side note because of your blog we were able to get the nerve and make the push to start T just over a year ago now. A lot of it due to the help and support we got from our dad, who despite us being an adult has financially covered everything for it and the rest of our health as we are also disabled and only recently have been able to work at all)

first of all i'm so happy to hear that! i hope things have been going well for you with T, and i am genuinely so fucking happy to hear that your dad is so supportive. he sounds amazing i'm glad he wants to help you become the happiest version of yourself you can be. there really are supportive cishet men out there. some of them are dads, uncles, cousins, brothers, sons, friends and partners. there's no reason we should treat them like absolute shit when they support us. we need to love them just as they love us.

take care of yourself! thank you for sending this i really appreciate it! let me know if you need any help with regards to HRT! im always happy to help! good luck in your transition, stay safe!

[jimin-bangtan]

What are Jimin’s new dreams?

Before Jimin even clarified the (below) statement he made at Festa 2021 [set to mark], I had noticed that throughout the years many of the items Jimin had expressed that he wanted to accomplish did  eventually come to pass. He seems to be very good at setting goals and working toward making them become reality.

Click on image to enlarge.

Years later, at this point in their career, BTS has stunned the music industry by remaining productive and relevant while being absent due to mandatory military service.  So even while being in the military, yet another of Jimin’s known dreams came true.

In 2016 in his reflective Festa profile, Jimin declared that a desire on his bucket list was to “get the daesang”.

He may have been hoping for the prestigious daesang (grand prize) for the group at that time, but it wasn’t clearly stated who he had hoped would get a daesang eventually. It could have been a wish for both him and his group separately. Or he may not have been able to conceive of him ever getting a daesang as a soloist himself at that point. With Jimin’s goal setting habit and strength, it’s certainly possible either way.

Since then, it now turns out, the group and Jimin both have daesangs. Over the years, BTS did go on to earn a record-breaking number of daesangs, but in late 2024, Jimin was the first soloist to win this particular daesang (Worldwide Icon of the Year/Fan Choice of the Year), and he was the first soloist in a decade to win any daesang in any category. He is also the first soloist from BTS so far.

Soon after the win, Jimin used one of his rare communication moments with fans to thank them for such an honor.  He was very touched and “stunned”. (Stunned? Stunned stunned. Stunned.🤭)

After another customary break of silence for Jimin, he recently reached out to fans again in January of 2025. 2025 is the year he is to be finally discharged from military service, BTS is to be reunited as a group, and the group begins the new phase of their careers and lives.

In the letter, Jimin wished fans a happy new year and filled them in on how he was spending his time. He explained that one of the things he was doing was having important conversations with Jung Kook, who is serving alongside him by way of Korea’s companion program. The conversations center around planning for the future.

Jimin's current letter caused me to reflect back to the past and then wonder, “What are Jimin’s new dreams?” If you've read my Chameleon Park Jimin series (especially the more recent ones), I have already been considering some of these same questions: How will he choose to present himself on stage and in life? What will he decide to show that he hadn’t shown before? What will he no longer show that he had once shown? What kind of life will he choose to live as an adult artist in the idol world? How have he and his views changed since serving in the military? But Jimin's current letter, along with my Festa 2021 reflection and all of his astounding and historic solo achievements, really sparked a curiosity about: What new dreams will Jimin now be aiming for?

In his song, Smeraldo Garden Marching Band, from his MUSE album, Jimin said, “Everything we couldn’t say before… I’ll tell you everything now.” In his MUSE fan song, Closer Than This, he said, “When we meet again on a spring day, I’ll tell you all the things I couldn’t before.”  Now, in his current letter directly to fans, he said he couldn’t wait to have fun conversations with fans about things that had happened. But obviously he already had things to tell that had happened before.  Will these new conversations shine a light on his new dreams and future plans? I’m sure all of his fans can’t wait to find out the answers to these questions and more. I know I can’t.

BTS, as a group, and now as soloists, have already achieved so much in their careers. They have reached heights and earned accomplishments that have far surpassed what others had done or in which they were the first to do so. After military service and the forced hiatus, Jimin and the rest of BTS will have so many more experiences, skills, and thoughts to share. June of 2025 cannot come fast enough. Whether Jimin shares all of his new (or existing) intentions with us, we know that he usually has interesting and exciting dreams and has the determination and ability - not to mention the support of his devoted fans - to make them come true too.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Hi! It's a new year, and I've decided to make a small change to my space. I might gif less than I did last year cause at the end of the year I felt a bit of a burnout with the whole process, so I'll gif when I feel like it, and might not keep it as consistent. Also, I sorta got over myself and my insecurities and have started just posting more random thoughts, because who cares? This is my house and I shall inflict my opinions and silly thoughts on my followers. It's been great. I will update this post through the month mostly with links to the stuff I write in the meantime.

QL - Currently Watching

🇯🇵 Call Me by No-Name [4/8] - The visuals are the best part of this for me. Although I'm getting increasingly curious about the name. Just like @lurkingshan wrote here, I was underwhelmed by the bloody hands reveal. I was expecting something darker, because well, the show kinda put me in that mindset. I'm having trouble connecting to Megumi on any level tbh, and it's Kotoha that holds my attention.

🇰🇷 FC Soldout [3/10] - This was by far the best episode so far. It seems there's a pining boy, second chance romance thing going on. And there was some actual football happening this episode, so things are looking up.

🇨🇳 I'll Turn Around This Time [4/6] - I'm caught up.

🇹🇼 Impression of Youth [4/9] - That was faster than I expected. The scene in the classroom was very well done. And it seems like things will progress quite quickly from here. I'm enjoying the main couple more than I thought I would. I don't know how I feel about the second couple. I'm just not feeling right now, although that might change.

🇹🇭 Ossan's Love Th [4/12] - I love them. Surprising, I know. Mix is just always a delight. Earth is doing a great job and the show is actually funny. And insane obviously. I'm having a wonderful time basically.

🇹🇭 Perfect 10 Liners [14/24] - I adore them.

🇹🇭 Sangmin Dinneaw [5/8] - This show is definitely one of the weirdest I ever saw. The whiplash from one scene to the next is unparalleled. They are kinda cute but I'm kinda over it. Also at this point, I kinda don't want the sides to end up together. Athit, please sweetie, don't settle for being the backup. But of course he's gonna.

🇹🇭 The Boy Next World [4/10] - Ok, so we all agree that Cir is just more than a little insane, like probably because of that mother, and not really from a parallel universe, and has probably been stalking watching Phu from afar since that day in the classroom, right? Great.

🇹🇭 The Heart Killers [10/12] - I'm still watching quietly.

🇹🇭 ThamePo [8/13] - A triangle well done. I continue to love the friendships being important and the group scenes are so good. ThamePo are quickly becoming a favourite thai bl couple for me. The romance is so good and I'm constantly in a very undignified state of euphoria while watching them.

🇯🇵 When It Rains, It Pours [4/7] - Just misery. All around. More here.

🇹🇭 Your Sky [11/12] - Hia and Real need to get on with it. Lee and Ghlai need their own show. Teerak and Fah continue to be the most lovable couple in all the land.

QL - Finished

🇹🇭 Caged Again - Junior was delightful but the show got a bit choppy towards the end, there was too much time spent on the bad guys and I think the pacing suffered so the show lost me a bit in the last couple of episodes. JuniorSun delivered some great moments. I continue to love Nokia and Jaonine and will tune in if they make another show.

🇹🇭 Fourever You - I can't believe it's over. This was a long, hard slog. I like most of the actors a lot and they were what kept me going until the end. Hill and Ter get all the awards for miscommunication.

🇯🇵Miseinen - I think it started off really good but eventually the show got too much into the metaphors and the visuals and the story suffered. I really recommend reading the manhwa because I think the themes in the show kinda fell apart at some point and in that way I think the source material is much more satisfying. I still like the show overall and the actors did a wonderful job, but the show raised my expectations a lot and then couldn't really deliver.

🇹🇼 See Your Love - I love them a normal amount. That scene in the closet will make any favourite scenes list in the foreseeable future. This show did a lot of things well. The dad was still an asshole by the end, Ji Xiang wasn't magically fixed by the power of love, Shaopeng wasn't perfect and his family was one of the best parts and that dad vs dad scene was epic. With that said, everything else, the family drama and the side couple, was a mess. They all kiss good tho. As we've come to expect from Taiwan the kissing was very good all around, as were the nc scenes. I think they all had good chemistry, although I wish the side couple's story was tighter.

Others - Watched

It's been mostly a month of rewatches so not a lot to report. I did watch Paradise of Thorns a couple of weeks ago and I still have a lot of hate in my heart. Also squid game S2 , which I loved but pissed me off that they split the storyline into two seasons cause now I have to wait until June for the rest. Anyway...

I think that's all for now. Oh and I'm also watching and loving Red Blue. Despite what I said at the start, I'm still open for gif requests. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and thank the heavens January is finally over. 💜

Coming in February 05/02 - 🇹🇭 Reverse with Me (GL) 06/02 - 🇰🇷 Heart Stain 07/02 - ��🇳 Fight for Love 08/02 - 🇹🇭 Gelboys 14/02 - 🇹🇭 The Last Time 14/02 - 🇹🇼 Exclusive Love 18/02 - 🇹🇼 Fragrance of the First Flower S2 (GL) 27/02 - 🇰🇷 Secret Relationship

[ships-n-bats]

I’ve been mulling over all my thoughts on the topic for a while now, trying to type out all my thoughts and feelings on Inspekta and Capochin’s whole dynamic. Trying to come to an understanding of exactly why their dynamic bothered me so much and why I’m not fond of the Inspek//chin pairing in a romantic sense. And I think I’ve finally managed to put it all into a comprehensive set of words that isn’t just complete gibberish or the ramblings of some random hater.

So, before getting into the discussion, I should first preference this by stating that I've never been into the whole "toxic ship" dynamic fandoms seem to have latched onto in recent years. Not because of any “problematic” reasonings or anything like that. My main issue with toxic pairings isn’t whether or not their fictional situations are ethical or healthy when applied to real world similar situations. No, it has more to do with whether or not their relationship is beneficial and equally mutualistic for both parties involved. Specifically, I look for whether or not both characters are happy in the relationship they’re in and whether their overall relationship actually makes both feel fulfilled.

Most toxic pairings don’t fit this bill, typically relying on the core idea that one or both characters are unhappy in some way and will never become fully happy or fulfilled in the relationship (or, in some cases, one or both characters just settle because breaking up or cutting out each other seems like the “harder” choice, so they go for one that’s perceived as the “easier” choice). And while not all toxic pairings are outright abusive, they typically are unhealthy in some way, shape, or form and derive intrigue from shippers by utilizing certain “taboo” things to “spice up the dynamic.” All of which I completely understand and respect, even if it’s not my own personal cup of tea.

In the specific case of Inspek//chin, I find their overall dynamic to be intriguing, tragic, and just a tad bit sadistically funny. Platonically, I have no issue with their relationship and feel it opens the door to many possibilities for current and future fanworks. But to see their relationship become more romantic just leaves me feeling more dread, frustration, and even slight anger. Because Capochin and Inspekta’s relationship doesn’t feel fulfilling or beneficial from either side. If anything, canon has shown just how one-sided and self-destructive this pairing really was, specifically on Capochin’s end.

Capochin’s love towards Inspekta was an obsessive and passionate type of love. The kind of love that consumes and plants itself deep inside you. The kind where it wraps tightly around one’s heart, like a weed or vine, squeezing and tightening until nothing else in life matters except for that one single object of affection. And normally, I'm all for this brand of obsessive love in romance. I love it when two characters are so deeply loyal and absolutely devoted to each other that they become the most important thing in each other’s lives. That they become irreplaceable to the other as some form of soulmates.

But… The tragic thing with Capochin’s devotion was that it really was a one-sided affair that left him feeling more empty than fulfilled, both literally and figuratively.

He was literally carving out pieces of himself in a desperate attempt to gain acceptance and to “fit in” to his role. Slowly chipping away, bit by bit, just to feed a greedy, bottomless pit of a god who was never going to be satisfied with what Capochin was giving anyways.

It was never going to be enough, because Inspekta wanted to be appraised and remembered by everyone, not just by his most devoted follower. It was a fruitless endeavor from the get-go, where neither would have been happy just relying on the other.

And while there is debate over whether or not the burgers were actually made from Capochin’s own flesh, or if it really was just one big, artsy metaphor, the meaning behind it still remains the same. That the takeaway is supposed to be that Capochin is hurting himself repeatedly in an attempt to get recognition from his god who gave him purpose, even if that means erasing parts of yourself until you've stripped away your own identity almost entirely.

(Although, personally, I would argue that the symbolic route packs more of a punch than the cannibalism one, since I like to view the "pieces" he’s removing as direct parts of his personality and identity, rather than just his literal meat and flesh. Yeah, it'd be more fucked up if it was literal, but it's more tragic and universally relatable to me to think he'd destroy himself on a mental level rather than a physical level. More layers to consider with losing yourself as a person.)

But what makes this even worse is that Inspekta never seemed to actually reciprocate or return Capochin's same level of devotion back.

Just reading the dialogue Capochin says before, during, and after his fight reveals that the two really weren't on the same page with their end goals. Capochin talks as if the two were going to become partners and be together, like a couple would... He really believed he was special to Inspekta...

"I'll rule da humans while you rule da skies!"

"Even in da apocalypse… I'M da only one Inspekta will protect!"

"I thought that if I did what he told me, I could rule by his side!"

There's no mutualism or give-and-take to their dynamic. Capochin was doing all the giving and never took, while all Inspekta did was take and take and take. We see that Capochin has romantic feelings for Inspekta but denies it to others and himself. Meanwhile, we aren't really given a clear indication of whether Inspekta has romantic feelings for Cappy, outside of a few lines of dialogue that shows he somewhat cares for him on some level (says he needs to take a nap and may have too much responsibility leading the other Bizzyboys).

Godpoke has to convince him that Inspekta doesn't really care for him and that his ultimate goal only involved himself as the sole god. That his boss was using him and taking advantage of his devotion to further his plan. Effectively, showing that Capochin wasn't important enough to Inspekta. His devotion wasn't enough. He wasn't enough.

To me, the pairing could have been salvageable had Inspekta actually planned to include Capochin by his side in his rule, as an equal. Had it been made clear that Inspekta did reciprocate Capochin's feelings and was just as devoted to him in return. That the relationship was equally obsessive and equally devoted.

Instead, it all feels hopelessly and worthlessly unrequited.

Neither seem to actually be gaining anything from the relationship in any significant way. And neither's life is improved or fulfilled by having the other be a part of it. Both desire similar things, to feel like they belong, to gain praise and attention, to be recognized for their efforts, but neither were really getting that from the other and both were self-destructing in their attempts to gain it. Inspekta didn't bring out the best in Capochin, he brought out the worst, and vice versa.

And Capochin finally realizes this fact at the end. That all that praise he was receiving from Inspekta were empty and didn't really mean anything. They lost their meaning once it was revealed that Inspekta only did so to gain loyalty so he'd get attention and praise.

“I supported him! Cause he made me feel like I’M IMPORTANT! …but I was never as important as him. Always praised by Inspekta but never respected.”

Which does also bring up the concern over exactly how long this whole Inspekta using and manipulating Capochin has been going on for. We do know that Capochin has known Inspekta for the longest and was his first and most devoted follower back when the Bizzyboys first formed. We also know that back when Inspekta was still Hector, he was shown to care for people and was a bit of a people pleaser (i.e. obsessed with being liked and seen as useful), and that it’s noted he’s changed during the events of the game. But that still doesn’t completely confirm whether or not Hector/Inspekta has been manipulating Capochin from the very beginning or not. I’m just left wondering how deep this manipulation goes in their dynamic.

Were these two ever really friends, let alone equals, or was it just all business on Hector's end?

Did Hector ever really, truly care for Capochin as a person, or as a devote follower?

I think the best way to put it is like this: Even if Hector and Capochin did manage to make amends and become better people, I can't really see them forming a long lasting, mutually beneficial romantic relationship. I don't see what these two have to offer each other specifically in a relationship. I can't see how these two dating would improve each other's lives after the events of the game. I don't see how the two are "good for each other" as it were.

It doesn’t help that both struggle to understand themselves as people after having wasted literal years emotionally rotting and losing themselves as individuals. I don’t think either really know who they are, what with Capochin removing parts of himself for Inspekta and Hector at the end even admitting he needs to work on himself because he felt lost and needed to make amends with others and himself. Having them be in a romantic relationship would only hinder any future growth they both need because they’d just continue with what they’ve been doing for years without changing or growing for the better (probably falsely believing they’re both finally getting what they wanted without realizing it’s not what they both need). They’d just fall back onto past bad habits and rot even further. i.e. They’d end up just settling into an unfulfilling, self-indulgent relationship.

*Not to mention that this type of outcome to their relationship would imply that cutting out toxic people from your life isn’t an option. And that you should just forgive the person who manipulated and used you for years, essentially wasting all that time you won’t ever get back. And that you should just date that very toxic person, and ignore all the red flags. Not saying Capochin should or must completely cut out Hector from his life, just that the implications with them becoming that fandom toxic old man yaoi pair comes with even more consequences the two probably should hold off on for now.*

Anyways, in conclusion, at the end of the day, Yugsy did say that fans could play dolls with the characters however they liked. That it's all for fun, so I respect how other fans choose to play with Inspekta/Hector and Capochin. But for me, personally, I just can't convince myself to come around to the two of them as anything other than strained friends with a history shared between them.

[boo-cool-robot]

Note from our AU (subject to change as we build it out):

Megumi realizes she is a girl during her fight with Sukuna at the detention center during the Cursed Womb arc (because he wants to make her a stronger sorcerer). This is. A mixed experience. [Fic here] 

Here’s the thematic justification. (In short: Canon Megumi has a weak sense of self, kind of wants to die, and cannot reach full sorcerer potential for that reason. What if she transitioned about it?) 

Right now this AU is 15% serious scenes exploring what this means for Megumi and 85% a sitcom. There isn’t a “plot” per se, but Megumi does 1) Manifest a complete domain and 2) Kill Sukuna in this universe, because she has to. (Our thinking on the domain isn’t set yet, but perhaps her complete domain has the spine tree thing become enfleshed. There are 10 of them, all blooming into hands at the end of the branches. She can use all the Shikigami she’s mastered simultaneously, and all the shadows pooling are in her silhouette, sharper than ever.) 

(Before Toji drives a spike through his skill in Shibuya, he thinks of Megumi's mother. "You look just like her." Megumi stares at his corpse and thinks, I look like Maki? Does he know Maki???)

Okay so anyway Megumi starts transitioning while she thinks Yuji is dead. Sitcom ensues!

She comes out to Gojo first, despite it all. “I'm transgender. I'm a girl. I think.” Gojo blatantly searches it on his phone for 30 seconds and then grins. “Ohhh no problem, Megumi-chan! Sensei will take you to Thailand and pay for all your surgeries!” Megumi: “I think I should start hormones first actually.” Gojo, undeterred, continues: “And I won't even trick you into exorcising curses afterwards!” Megumi’s eye twitches. “You didn't trick me. I knew that you were actually making us fight curses all those times!” Gojo: “Wow, so your dad must have known deep down when he named you!” Megumi storms out at that. But he starts importing hormones and clothes for her and leaves them in her room without telling. 

Maki is a fundamentally insensitive person, so when Megumi tells her she’s trans during a spar, Maki takes the opportunity to whack her with the practice sword and then asks, “Oh. Why?” Megumi rubs her head and squints. “Why am I transgender? I don’t know…genetics???” Maki, with a viscous grin: “Hmm. Well, good for you. The Zen’in are going to hate this.” Megumi resumes the spar in lieu of an answer.

When Nobara grasps what Megumi is saying, she begins shrieking and shaking Megumi like a ragdoll. “You’re a girl?! YESSSS I ALWAYS WIN!” she screams. “I get to have a girl friend in my year.” She gasps. “We have to go shopping. We have to do your makeup. This is so so perfect!” And Megumi is so charmed by someone finally not saying something stupid about her family when she comes out to them that she’s lulled into going to three stores with Nobara before she remembers that she doesn’t like shopping. 

Ieri tells her how to do injections, and then adds "Actually, let me give you a little boost with Reverse Cursed Technique" and then Ieri gives her a year of estrogen effects all at once. “It worked! Humans are sexless when we first form in the womb, you know. I always thought that I could, but no one wanted to let me try it.” Megumi: “....You did this to me without knowing if it would work?”

And of course Yuji learns when he pops out of that stupid box before the Goodwill Games! While Nobara and Megumi are trying to process the fact that he is still alive, he looks Megumi up and down. He leans in, eyes widening. “Megumi…you smell different!” Yuji whispers. Nobara immediately shrieks, “Don’t comment on how a girl smells!” and kicks over the box with him in it. Yuji perfectly blocks all her subsequent slaps with one arm while clutching at Gojo’s shoulder with the other. “Sensei!” he wails. “Why didn’t you tell me Megumi’s a girl?” Gojo waves his hand. “Ah, my bad, my bad. I should have explained it. So you know The Matrix? It’s kind of like that.” Meanwhile, Maki is tugging on Megumi’s ponytail teasingly and Mai is glaring absolute daggers at them, and Megumi really wishes they could just start the games already. 

Transitioning makes Megumi give a fuck about Zen’in stuff even less. When Kamo Noritoshi corners her in their fight, he shouts: “You're just like me!” Megumi, pulling herself up: “Uh. You also want to transition?” Kamo: “No! I mean you're an outsider trying to prove yourself to your clan.” Megumi: “I am not doing that. I am only doing estrogen.”

The bracelet that Megumi is wearing in the picture above is a matching set with Nobara and Yuji! Nobara got her and Megumi matching necklaces when Megumi was first transitioning because she’s always wanted to do that with a girl friend. And then when Yuji reveals he’s not dead he makes this face ;_; even though Nobara insists that the necklaces are girls only, so Nobara agrees that they all can have friendship bracelets too. 

It turns out that she does actually have opinions about her look now, and she settles on soft goth-ish. Her casual clothes include a lot of big jackets, longs skirts, and chunky boots. Gojo lied and said that they were going to fight curses and then took her to a piercing parlor. (Megumi: "You've completely ruined missions for Kugisaki and Itadori. I hope you know that.") Her casual clothes include a lot of jackets, long skirts, and chunky boots. Her uniform includes a capelet and palazzo pants because they cast interesting shadows she can use for her technique. (Tsumiki always wore her hair up in a ponytail too.)

Both Nobara and Yuji developed little crushes on Megumi but they have sworn a pact not to bother her with it while she has so much going on :)

Megumi seriously considers changing her name so it doesn't look like her horrible deadbeat father somehow knew a single thing about her, but in the end, it does feel like her name.

trans girl megumi au, au where megumi is a trans girl!! from my and @boo-cool-robot's au. you can read fic they wrote for it here.

[id in ALT]

[tenacious-minds]

I have finally realized my true Roman Empire, and it’s Draco saying ‘I will never regret getting any of them. […] and while their significance may eventually become less immediate, they will always have meaning to me.’ about his tattoos in A Piercing Comfort by talithan. I look at my tattoos every day, the one on the inner crook of my elbow that says TURN from a drarry fic written eleven years ago that I’ve read so many times I could almost quote it, among the flowers native to my province, and the ee cummings poems, and a bird I love for no reason at all, except that I think they’re silly, and a little bit fae, and a little bit like me, and I think— these will always have meaning. And idk, I just think that’s kind of beautiful.

[marimbles]

i miss carpisuns sometimes </3

[trans-leek-cookie]

listen I'm not gonna be a Curly apologist he did Fucked Up as captain but I genuinely recommend ppl watch a playthru that goes thru the game in chronological order. It kinda helps clear up the events and gaps between them, bc even tho u See the times, you still experience it out of order.

The stuff Anya says definitely sets off alarm bells but it doesn't seem like he Fully Understands what she means, and I'm going to be 100% honest I think she was trying to repress it herself. This isn't to say that she is AT ALL "at fault" for what happened after and she should've gotten help even if she wasn't ready to fully discuss the issue but I genuinely think she herself was still coming to terms with things, so she didn't necessarily process the full impact before talking to Curly, and a lot of what happens occurs after they're laid off- like this delves into personal interpretation but I genuinely think Anya only registered Jimmy as a serious danger after his outburst towards Curly. Ofc my interpretation is limited bc of the limited pov in game and not having gone through what she has, but it personally reads more akin to coercion over time than a singular Obviously Violent incident (like. Not to say that Sexual Assault isnt violent in nature, just that coercion often specifically works to obfuscate the fact it is a form of violence.) The layoff is a Massive catalyst for her bc of Jimmy, in that she now has a very clear understanding of his capacity for aggression.

To extrapolate a little from the "Dead Pixel" conversation, she starts by saying she Likes The Screen (even though it's fake). While Curly has his quotes about the pixel "not ruining the illusion" which. Y'know is Symbolic Of His Flaws. She doesn't say the pixel ruins it, just that she can't get it out of her mind.

If we take the pixel to represent her Or jimmy, either way the way she talks about it kind of downplays things, like it's a Minor Thing that's Slightly Upsetting, but she's still okay with the big picture. Idk I could be 100% wrong but that is my take

Besides that, Anya tells curly she's pregnant 2 days before the crash, and it isn't until she outright states it that he starts Putting The Pieces Together. I want to note, he says "I'd do anything" and "this doesn't have to go on our performance evals" 1. Before he knows shes pregnant 2. Under the assumption she might attempt suicide, and I doubt he even thought about her using the gun on anyone else before she brings that up. He says literally before the line where she tells him she's pregnant that "being laid off isnt a reason to hurt [herself]". Like I've seen ppl talk about the performance evaluation thing like it's about her and jimmy, but I think he's referring to (his belief) that she might attempt suicide or similar which might genuinely be a consistent thing he's seen her struggle with, given she's able to go through with it. Also just to note: assuming their society is like ours (hellish) reassuring her he won't blab Abt her mental health is like. Genuine reassurance- lots of mentally ill ppl will Not Open Up bc it could have long term consequences (like. For example. On employment) ANYWAYS I hope it doesn't come off like "Curly never failed Anya" but rather "Curly approached this specific situation without the context of why Anya is panicking and (possibly validly) assuming she's dealing with a very different issue"

Also let me say again the time frame is 2 days. We don't Really see what happens, but we know Anya tells Jimmy without Curly knowing. I genuinely believe he maybe didn't do a Great Job in those two days (the fact he says Anya should've talked to Him before telling Jimmy is uhhh. Mm. 1. Your job to create an environment where she comes to you my man 2. Weird to tell her what she should do with HER OWN PERSONAL INFORMATION) but like.

I get a lot of ppl want immediate consequences but consider that they can't really get rid of Jimmy (co pilot. Which is. Y'know it's Own Problems) but also like. Curly knows Jimmy, and we know that Jimmy tends to lash out. Curly should probably Not Confront Jimmy Unless He Knows Exactly How To Keep Him From Hurting Anya. Like I'm not an expert but this is something genuinely important- when confronting an abuser you NEED to take into account the impact it can have on their victim, and sometimes for the victims safety you need to wait until you have a Solid Plan. It sucks but it's important.

And theres discussion to be had about Curly kinda going along with Jimmy saying "well what if we all died" and like. I do believe he Didn't Realize What Jimmy Said. Like he was just processing/trying to keep the situation under control (and failing because he underestimated how willing Jimmy was to hurt everyone including himself).

Like he's definitely an enabler but I would say his problems are mostly before he understands the gravity of the situation, in that he's friends with Jimmy and assumes the best of a man with abusive tendencies, and fails to create an environment that can keep Anya and the others safe. Like, he definitely doesn't handle in game events perfectly (psych evaluation for one- he does do it instead of Anya which is actually helpful, but he still treats it like. Weirdly.)

Idk I have a lot of thoughts about this game and I don't necessarily want to defend Curly but more like. Anya's situation is very delicate (and light on details) so sometimes the way ppl talk Abt it feels like they aren't actually focused on what she wants and what it means to prioritize her safety y'know?

Edit bc I just now figured out kinda how I want to word it: curly is an enabler and making things worse bc he doesn't put a stop to Jimmy's BS, but in the specific scenario we see in game I think he's trying to use his Skillset of like, people pleasing not for Jimmy's sake but for the crews (like "if I nod my head and say I sympathize he won't lash out and hurt them") which like. There are situations which that is unfortunately the safest option (on an individual level yes, but sometimes it's also necessary to prevent abusers lashing out in response toward ppl who are more vulnerable) but it was the Wrong Choice.

It's like. I think Curly was trying and had good intentions, and understood that he needed to protect the crew, but he didn't have the toolset/experience to realize he can't Just go along with things and that he needs to be able to set hard limits, even for ppl he likes and trusts. Like he failed but the failure was "for want of a nail", where it began way before what we see (for want of an understanding of power dynamics I guess.) Again, don't think this makes curly more forgivable or whatever, I just think he's a good example of trying to make the right choices when you never realized you'd have to make these kinds of decisions and therefore are unprepared and/or unaware

Second edit: personally I don't think you can really incapacitate jimmy without there being serious risk (again he's the copilot) but curly should've given Anya the gun when she told him Abt the pregnancy