#that decision quite literally changes the course of the rest of his life

[achingly-shy]

ALSO the end of the episode when jemma is telling fitz that he’s the real hero because he was beside her the whole damn time in the lab and was giving her hope when she had none and then she kisses his cheek and walks away and he sits there smiling and then that smile slowly turns into more of a thinking contemplating oh shit face AND THEN HE KNOWS HE NEVER GOT OVER IT HE NEVER GOT OVER HER

[strwbmei]

Hi Mei, Can I ask a relantionship hcs sfw and nsfw for Aponia with a gender-neutral if possible, please? You are free to ignore this if you like

pairing(s): aponia x gn!reader

contains:

Aponia HCs

╰┈➤ SFW ;

: ̗̀➛ Aponia was really hesitant to get into a relationship with you at first. She's seen many horrible things happen to those that she loves, and she knows better than anyone that she can't do anything to change it. Still, like a moth to a flame, she can't help but find herself drawn to your radiating warmth. Perhaps this time, she deserves to be selfish.

: ̗̀➛ The Deep End is a cold and dark place— one where normal humans most likely wouldn't be able to survive for more than a few days. Because of how long Aponia has isolated herself in it, her body has learned to adapt, lowering its temperature to match its environment. She can also see in the dark much better, which is pretty cool.

: ̗̀➛ Because of this, Aponia would always shy away from your touch. Believe me, it was much to her annoyance, but she had grown insecure about being so cold (literally and figuratively) and she didn't want to scare you away with it. She was especially hesitant to hold hands because they were the coldest part of her body, but she learned to be more comfortable over time.

: ̗̀➛ If the two of you have a disagreement (which is near impossible, by the way; my girl Aponia can never be wrong,) it's really obvious to everyone else because of how weird and aloof she acts. For example, she barely ever leaves the Deep End, but suddenly you'll find her in the lobby drinking with either Elysia or Eden with a somber look on her face; sighing every few seconds and completely ignoring Elysia's bombardment of questions. The Flamechasers find a great deal of amusement seeing how you're so easily able to influence a woman usually so dangerous and cunning.

: ̗̀➛ Expect her to be the more dominant one in the relationship, taking the lead and making decisions (with your input too, of course!) because she's used to being the one giving orders. Despite that, though, she's actually really inexperienced with relationships so it's more of a team effort; the team consisting of you, Aponia, and Elysia because she helps you get through to Aponia more and somehow manages to offer the best relationship advice.

: ̗̀➛ Aponia doesn't really get jealous, at least at first. She got upset, but she used to have the mindset that if you like someone else more, you should simply choose them instead and she'll accept the decision you make. Over time, she grows to be more greedy and possessive of you. Because of this, she really appreciates it when you give her reassurance that you're hers and hers only even when she doesn't ask for it.

: ̗̀➛ When Griseo started calling you Mama/Papa, Aponia almost shed a tear. Griseo is almost like a daughter to her, and hearing her call you that only further solidified the fact that you were the person she'd want to spend the rest of eternity with.

╰┈➤ NSFW ;

: ̗̀➛ First of all, set a safe word. Seriously. Her libido is low, but every time the two of you have sex it always ends with you not being able to walk for months. Set a safe word if you value your life or if you don't want your pelvic bone to get turned into dust like actually. I'm not exaggerating; this woman goes rough.

: ̗̀➛ That doesn't mean that she means to, though. She's a gentlewoman at heart, but being surrounded by people like Kevin and Kalpas for most of her life has skewed her perception of an average human's limits. She's more of a soft dom if anything; you ending up with your legs shaking is already her being gentle.

: ̗̀➛ Remember how her hands are the coldest part of her body? Yeah, she's definitely taking advantage of that; cruelly tracing your body with her hands and making you tremble and whimper from the sheer temperature of her fingertips. As serious as she appears, she can be quite the tease when she puts her mind to it.

: ̗̀➛ Has a huge thing for dacryphilia. She was absolutely terrified the first time you started crying during sex thinking that she hurt you, but ever since you quickly explained the real reason and assured her that she did nothing wrong, she's made it a goal to make you cry from the pleasure. Did she really do a good job if you aren't a sobbing, shaking mess by the end of it?

: ̗̀➛ She doesn't have a specific preference for positions, but she hates it when she can't see your face. Aponia is the type of woman who thrives off of all of the small reactions she coaxes out of her partner. Blindfolds are definitely on the table, though— maybe it's her sadistic side, but she just loves seeing the fabric dampen with your tears...

: ̗̀➛ Aponia is really into body worship. It doesn't matter whether she's on the giving or receiving end of the deal, she loves the intimacy of the whole thing. She'll literally leave her marks and kisses on every inch of your body, and she expects you to at least try to do the same for her. This often leads to a lot of marking for both of you, though...

: ̗̀➛ For your own good, don't make her jealous. She's a patient woman; even more so with you, but if you upset her like that on purpose? Say goodbye to your ability to walk, speak, or think. Once you can speak again, make sure you give her tons of reassurance because that kind of stuff really upsets her. The idea of you with someone else gets her blood boiling.

[barry-j-blupjeans]

There was not much that could scare Edward and Lydia anymore. In fact, Edward could count the things he feared on one hand.

The Reaper— or rather, The Raven Queen. Becoming liches hadn't been a hasty decision. They had known full well what they were doing, what laws they were breaking, and they had broken them anyway. The Raven Queen did not take kindly to those who played the line with life and death, but unfortunately for her, that was Edward and Lydia's preferred line of work. Even so, it would be rather foolish of them not to fear the wrath of a god, or her little soldiers, either.

The End Of All Things. This one was rather simple. Or, well, Edward could pretend it was, until it arrived. But somewhere out there, maybe not in their Planarverse, but out there nonetheless was a world-ending destructive force. It had been described as the Hunger, and although he felt a level of kinship with the idea (who wouldn't when your life was fueled by the very same things that the Hunger was made of), the fear overrid his other emotions.

And being separated from Lydia, of course. After all they had been through with Keats, it was rather hard to not be afraid of losing her, too. But of all his fears, Edward would admit this one was the most unrealistic. There was no Edward without Lydia anymore. If one of them went, well… Edward wouldn’t have to fear much, after that.

Even so, Edward's relationship with fear was far from the norm. His fears? Unnecessary, at this point. Annoying, even. Other people's, though? Ohoho, Edward lived, quite literally, for other people's fears.

The traction Wonderland had gained when the Animus Bell had first fallen into their hands was starting to die down. Edward and Lydia were masters of stretching a life to its thinnest, of course— why kill off anybody in the first act when the second could turn out so much better? But even with these carefully toned tactics, Wonderland seemed to have hit a wall. And it didn't take long to figure out why.

The world had forgotten all about the Animus Bell. And thus, the world had forgotten all about Wonderland.

They had been through worse, of course. And sure, all it took was a few changes here and there— stop advertising the Animus Bell so directly, start up with the classics again: Fame, glory, money. Who in the world wouldn't kill for any of those? But it was frustrating, to have your main source of business cut off without any sort of explanation. Edward personally felt a little cheated. The Animus Bell was supposed to have lasted much longer. They had been promised business and success, only for it to be cut off all at once.

So when the woman responsible for all their recent failures waltzed into the building? Well, Edward and Lydia had no such reason to go easy on her. After all, Lucretia had taken everything from them— all the delicious pain and suffering suddenly gone in an instant. It was only fair she made up for it.

Read the rest on Ao3!

[gojoidyll]

You thought, ignorantly so, that being able to have a cursed technique that allows you to see the future and even be able to change the future of something was a blessing.

You thought, whilst resting your small hands on Riko Amanai's head, that changing the future of her body would be something good. Even as the blood seeped from her head and into your palms started to disappear and her eyes fluttered open.

"Holy shit."

You wondered if Geto meant to say that as he sat next to you both. His mind reeling as he stared at you, a six year old snot nosed brat who (quite literally) brought someone back to life.

He questioned you, of course. And you tried to explain that you weren't changing the entirety of the future itself but merely a single thing. It was quite like changing the state of an object.

For example, an object at rest will stay at rest, or an object in motion will stay in motion unless a force acts upon it. In other words, you were just a "force" changing an object's state. You were making something to what it was before or what it could be.

Geto ... was able to understand some of what you were trying to say. You were still six years old after all.

It wasn't until you stood up and waved to them both, saying something along the lines of "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers" and taking your leave. You didn't quite leave though because you brought Toji Fushiguro back to. Was that a wise decision? You weren't sure, but when you watched Jujutsu Kaisen and saw him animated for the first time, you couldn't help but be a little selfish.

Which was exactly why you thought you were doing a good thing. I mean, you weren't exactly an ordinary six year old who could see the future. You were also a used-to-be twenty-something year old who quite liked Jujutsu Kaisen. And now that you were here with a literal life changing cursed technique? Well, who's to say you couldn't change a few things here and there?

Your favorite characters died after all. It was high time you changed that.

(And if your cursed technique was related to the fact that you weren't originally from this world, you weren't exactly sure... but you were definitely grateful.)

Note | this is .. just a thought of a future fic, idk if I want to go anywhere with it yet though lol

[bubblybubbubs]

Stuck with Me (4)

Soulmate AU - Draco Malfoy x Reader Summary - Draco finally reunites with his amnesiac soulmate. She still doesn't remember him and he is sad. It gets complicated, they both have issues. Slow burn.

Word Count - 12k

AN: Holy shit. I'm sorry this took me two? years to churn out. But here it is. It's not super proofread which is surprising given it took me two years. I just knew if I didn't publish it the minute I wrote the last word it would never happen. If this is your first time seeing this series don't get discouraged by the length of this part, the other parts are a reasonable length I just went crazy here. Warnings: Smut adjacent tags : @sadgirlgiselle @flores-and-sunshine @pencilupyourass @procrastinatorofwriting @fluffybunnyu @weasleysmalfoyxstyles @bi-andready-tocry 

part 1, part 2, part 3

The rubbish that scattered the ruins of Hogwarts dug into the fabric of your pants as you both sat against the walls of what once was the great hall.

Ron and Hermoine had both left, but you were both still there. It was dark and cold, and the moon light illuminated your face in the perfect way. The same way it had when the both of you would walk around the grounds at night, the only time there wasn't any prying eyes. 

“So I got amnesia, and you ditched me?” You said plainly, breaking Draco's focus on the details of your face. He had given you a brief recap of what you should remember about him and why he had stayed away for so long, it didn't seem to be going in his favor at the moment.

Draco tensed. “Well when you put it like that..”

“What other way is there to put it?” You snapped back, the fire in your voice was so familiar to him he was almost happy to hear you upset with him.

“Im sorry I really am, I haven’t been making the best decisions as of late.”

“Yeah I can tell.” You said. “Now what?”

“You still don’t remember me?” Draco said, hoping you had remembered and were only dragging it out as a joke.

“No.” You said rolling your eyes. 

“I didn't really have a back up plan. I just assumed you seeing me would, I don’t know, kick your memories into gear.”

“Cocky are we?” You said, unimpressed.

“I’ve been called worse”

“I don't doubt it.”

Draco felt as if this conversation was going worse and worse by the second. “You know with the way you're talking to me, you’d think your memories would be back.”

“Yeah maybe they’re sitting in my deep deep deep subconscious.”

“Funny” He said crossing his arms.

“Is that really the best you could do, I mean I am your soulmate after all, couldn’t at least dress up for the occasion?” You motioned to his pajamas, the ones he hadn't changed all week.

He turned bright red, he was going to kill pansy. If this kept conversation kept going as badly as it was, he would make sure Pansy would hear about it for the rest of her life.

“Yeah well, I didn't exactly have the time to pick my Sunday best.” He said. “My friend Pansy quite literally had to drag me off my couch for me to come here.”

“That excited to see me?” You said. “I think I remember her. Pug faced, Slytherin, kind of mean?”

“I'm starting to get offended.” He said frowning. Of course, you remembered Pansy, who you likely interacted one time in your entire life, and not him.

“Im starting to think there’s a reason I didn’t remember you.”

His face visibly fell.

“Sorry, this is kind of a new situation to me, I get mean when I’m nervous.” You said kicking the dirt under your shoes.

“And here I was thinking we were bantering.”

You made a face. “Sure, if that’s what you want to call it.” You weren’t sure how to handle the situation. You knew that you were missing something, even before the moment you saw him with Ginny, something felt off. But that didn’t change the fact that you knew nothing about the boy standing infront of you, your soulmate.

You stood up, reaching out a hand to help him up which he took.

“No use in being among this depressing rubbish is there? I remember Hogwarts, what I don't remember is you.” You said. “Might as well get going, Molly is supposed to make a big meal today, you should join us.”

"Me? In the Weasley house?” Draco chuckled. “Merlin your memory really is fucked.”

-

“Mr. and Mrs Weasley, hello.” Draco said sheepishly.

Draco was assuming that you didn’t know that the both of you would be so late to dinner, or maybe you did and the awkwardness of the situation was you getting some retribution for all the times he wronged you.

The Weasley's all sat around the table, and it was all of them. When Draco imagined a big meal, he just imagined a regular dinner for the Weasleys, but it was a BIG meal, there were mini-Weasleys here he didn't even know existed.

The older ones, Bill, his wife Fleur, Charlie, and Percy tried to remain polite and kept to their conversations. 

Ron, George, and Ginny made no such effort.

Ron was about to protest his entrance when Molly stood up quickly welcoming him and magically adding two spots to the already stuffed table. Not surprisingly between the two worst options, Ron and Ginny. Y/n opted to sit next to Ginny leaving Draco to sit next to Ron, he audibly groaned when Draco sat next to him.

“Manners Ron!” Molly said to him causing him to mumble an apology. It came to no shock to Draco that Ron wouldn’t bother to hide his distaste for him, it was deserved to say the least.

“Y/n is a member of this family,” Molly said standing next to the table. “She is free to bring anyone to join our meals, especially when that anyone is her soulmate, I’d think you lot out of anyone would see the importance of a connection like that!”

“Now go on eat your food and stop gawking!” Molly tisked and mumbled under her breath. “As if they’ve never seen a Malfoy before.”

Draco awkwardly kept quiet.

“Thank you, Molly.” You responded. “We’re sorry for coming so late.”

“We’re just glad to have you, darling!” She said. “How is it going by the way, are the memories coming back?”

“It’s a work in progress.” You said smiling.

“Of course.” She said giving you a warm smile.

“Make yourself at home Draco, for as long as you’d like to stay.” Molly said. 

Draco was shocked by her hospitability, he thought he would get kicked out of the house the minute they saw him, given his history.

“I’d reckon we should get them their own room Arthur. Better than having them both staying in a cot in Ginny’s room.” She said with a laugh.

“Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary Molly.” You said nearly choking on your food with laughter. “I doubt Draco will be staying for too long.”

“Well, you never know.” Molly said.

“I think it’s about time I’ve got my room back to myself, no offense.” Ginny said with a playful grin on her face.

“Believe me, none taken.” You said. “But I feel as if I’m already imposing enough as it is I wouldn't-“

“Nonsense!” Arthur said. “It’s just a few flicks of the wand.”

“I’m starting to wonder why this didn’t come up a few months ago.” Ginny said.

“Wow I didn’t know rooming with me was such a pain Gin.” You said laughing.

“It was almost worse than when we all were sleeping in the room of requirement, remember?” Ginny said. This was a habit that Ginny had taken on, whenever she spoke about something that happened at Hogwarts she would always check to make sure you knew what she was talking about.

“Yeah, I remember.” You said smiling.

The mood at the table grew somber at the mention of the war and Draco grew stiff. Everyone at the table knew of his role in making the events unfold the way they did and he knew it too.

Bill interrupted with a story of how his baby was learning how to crawl and everyone’s focus shifted to him.

“And how did you come to that conclusion?” Draco said quietly to you. He couldn’t help the nervous feeling that flooded his senses. There had been a point in his life where he felt he couldn’t comfortably tell you anything, now here he was nervous to even speak to you.

“Pardon?”

“You said that I wouldn’t be staying for too long.” He said pulling together all the strength he had to not show his nerves. “I don’t recall deciding that.”

“You spent almost everyday of 6th year complaining to me about how Ron sat next to you in potions. Do you really think you could live here with Ron? Not to mention the rest of the Weasleys” You said it so freely you didn’t even notice that you had remembered something.

“You remember all that?” Draco said with a smile. He saw a glimpse of you, the you that remembered him, and he could almost feel the anxiety melt away. The return of the sense of familiarity.

“Yeah, I guess I do.” You said returning the smile. He missed that smile so fucking much.

“Yeah.” He said taking a spoon full of the stew Molly made. Trying to hide the grin growing on his face, it had been you. For a second maybe but for that second he felt as if he was talking to you, the You he remembered. "I think I’ll be sticking around.”

-

Molly was so excited to show you the new room, she kept going on about how it was the first room she had added since Ron and Ginny grew out of sharing a room. It was cute and looked like the rest of the Burrow.

“Thank you, Molly, this means a lot to me.” You said taking in the act of kindness. “You’ve been so kind taking me in the way that you have.”

“You are family.” She said pressing a kiss to your forehead. “We are here to help you through every step of your recovery, and then some.”

She looked at Draco who stood awkwardly at the entrance of the room.

“I’ll leave you two to it.” She said with a warm smile that Draco was growing to like.

“This is cozy.” He said.

“I hope you mean cozy in a good way.” You said making a face at him. 

“Believe me, I do,” Draco said. "This is a mansion compared to my living arrangements these past few months.”

“Who were you staying with.” You asked as you ran your finger along the books Molly had no doubt picked out for you that sat on your new nightstand that had the signature Arthur Weasley touch, meaning that it was somewhat slanted but you wouldn't have it any other way.

“Blaise Zabini, you probably wouldn’t remember him.” Draco continued with a laugh. “Don’t believe I ever got around to introducing you two.”

“Was that a joke?” You said. “Can’t really tell if something actually never happened, or if I’m just not remembering it.”

“Oh, it was a joke.” He said embarrassed. “I never introduced you to any of my friends, our relationship was, private.”

“Except for this one time.” He laughed. “You had come up to my table during a meal and sat yourself across from me demanding me to speak with you, and when Pansy told you to buzz off you told her you were my soulmate.”

“Wow, I sound amazing.” You laughed.

“Yeah. You had your moments.”

He liked talking to you again, hearing your voice was intoxicating, but still, your conversations felt so impersonal.

You still had your snark but it wasn’t you, you didn’t look at him the way you used to, and he didn’t look at you the way he used to. It was as if someone else was living in your body.

Neither of you knew quite how to speak to the other so the room was filled with tense and awkward air, something Draco had never experienced with you.

“I think it’s best if we don’t stay in the same room.” Draco said.

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.” You said. “Where will you stay?”

“I have an idea, a potentially problematic one, but an idea nonetheless.”

-

“Are you demented.” Ron squealed. “You really think I’d have you sleeping in my room? I’d prefer to not be smothered in my sleep thank you very much.”

“Weasley.” Draco had never in his life imagined himself in this position. Groveling with Ron Weasley to let him stay in his room, it was almost hysterical. 

“Don't Weasley me!” Ron scoffed. “It’s one thing you being my home, but my room! You’re out of your bloody mind, you’ve completely lost it.”

Draco wasn’t dim. He in no way had been expecting Ron to welcome him into his house with open arms, much less his room. But he was desperate, he had to be close to you. He wasn’t going to give up, not this time. He would make you fall in love with him a million times if he had to.

“I can’t sleep in the same room as her, and I don’t have any other options if I want to stay here.”

“She’s your soulmate, stay with her!”

“She’s not my soulmate, she’s not my y/n.”

“This is exactly why I don’t need you in my room.” Ron huffed. “I have no interest in any of your issues.”

“It won’t be a long time just until she regains her memory,” Draco said hurriedly. “This is me groveling Weasley, please.”

Ron let out a long and dramatic groan throwing himself onto his bed.

“If you kill me, I’ll be really mad.”

“I gathered that.”

-

“We really took nature walks?” You questioned. Stepping on the stones that lead you further away from the Burrow. The Weasleys lived fairly removed from anyone else leaving plenty of land to explore.

“Once in a while,” Draco said. “I think the stress of war really brought out our appreciation for the simpler things in life.”

Your hair was pinned up and you looked stunning, not that he could say that to you. 

"How long are you staying for." You asked. "Not that I want you to leave."

"As long as it takes." He said. "If that's alright without you."

"That's alright with me." You said smiling at him. "Better than having you go be all lethargic on Blaise's couch." Even though Draco still felt like an acquintainces, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. You had gathered from what Ginny said that he hadn’t been in a good state since your injury and it weighed on you, you felt responsible somehow for what he had gone through in the last few months. You felt even more guilty about still not remembering him.

"Fair enough." 

"You know he wrote me."

"He wrote you?"

"He wanted to make sure I was treating his best friend right." You said with a grin. "He really cares about you it's sweet."

"When you get your memories back you have to meet my friends, they've heard a lot about you."

"I wonder how long it's going to take." You say. "It's already been a week."

"Don't rush yourself." He said. 

"I know, it's just so frustrating." You said. "I remember everything but you."

"It’s just the universe getting back at me for being born, it’ll pass."

-

It didn’t pass, months went by, and as each month came and went you both were growing less and less hopeful of your memories coming back. It was eating away at you, the way he looked at you when he was referencing something you knew he was praying you’d remember and how he looked every time you had to let him down. It was the same thing over and over, you would spend time together, he would bring something up from your past, you wouldn’t remember it and then he would remember you weren’t the y/n he fell in love with, those shoes were beginning to seem impossible to fill.

The stress you were under was overwhelming, every minute of your day felt like it was devoted to remembering. You weren’t allowed to move on with your life, to create new memories, not until you had recovered the old ones. 

You tried to stifle your cries with your pillow but Ginny almost had a sixth sense with her keen readings of your emotions, so there she was at your door.

“Y/n.” She said softly approaching you, taking your face into her hands. “Hey, it’s okay.” She said continuing to soothe you. “I’m letting everyone down Ginny, why can’t I fucking remember? That’s the only thing anyone wants from me and it’s the one thing I can’t do.”

“What are you talking about.” Ginny said, “We just want you to be happy.” You took a second to catch your breath.

“Every conversation I have just seems like a test, I just want to live Ginny. I can’t keep going on like this, I’m just going to keep disappointing everyone and that’s too much for me.”

“You could never disappoint us.” She said pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “But I get how you feel, I’ll tell everyone to cool it, I promise.” “What about Draco?” He was your biggest concern. He had the most at stake with you, every day he was counting on seeing his soulmate in you and you just could never seem to do that for him. You didn’t want to let him down, make him think that his soulmate was gone for good.

“What about him?” Ginny huffed. “If he loves you as much as he said he does he’s going to be kicking himself knowing how you’ve been feeling. Everyone just wants you to be happy Y/n.”

Ginny left you alone with your thoughts, you knew you had to cool it with Draco. Maybe it was the amount of pressure you put on your relationship that wasn’t letting you remember it all.

-

You knocked on his door quietly. 

“Come in.” He yelled from behind the door. Fred, Ron, and Draco were sprawled on the floor around some sort of floor, it was certainly an interesting sight.

“We’re playing wizard skittles, you want to play?” Draco said, eager to include you.

“No way man, we’re midgame. We’d have to start all over and I’m winning.” Ron said nudging at Draco to redirect his attention, which Draco ignored. “I’m good actually, I was hoping to talk to you, Draco.” The three boys looked at you not moving. “Alone.”

“We know when we’re not wanted,” Fred said taking the game out of the room with Ron on his tail. “You’re disqualified Malfoy.” Draco rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to you. “Is it your memory, is it back?” He said eagerly, you could almost hear him holding his breath. “No. But I did want to talk about that.” You said, he patted the spot next to him on the floor cushions and you sat next to him. 

“I think it’s best for me, and my memory if I just stop all this.” Draco furrowed his eyebrows, taken aback . “I’m not following?”

“The constant questions, you walking me through every day we spent together. I just can’t take it. What if I never get my memory back.” You had already started getting yourself used to the idea. “That’s not going to happen, you’re already so close.” The thing was that you weren’t. You knew it, and you knew he knew it too. He just didn’t want to admit it.

“I’ve been close for months, this might well be the best we get and I think I need to move on with my life and so do you.”

“If that’s what you want,” Draco said looking at the ground and you counted yourself lucky for that. You wouldn’t be able to bare it, the final look of devastation and disappointment on his face.  “ I can be out by the end of the week, I just need to talk to Blaise about moving back in.” He said looking away from you looking completely defeated “I’m sure he won't mind.” 

“You don’t need to leave Draco.” You said, and you truly meant it. You liked Draco you really did, the issue was that you didn’t love him. The last thing you wanted to do was uproot his life again and make him start over. Besides where would he go? Regardless of your feelings for him, he was your soulmate, and you couldn’t let your soulmate go homeless.

“You were the only thing keeping me here.” He said sharply.

“You like it here, the Weasleys love you and besides you said you hated Blaise’s couch.”

“I do hate Blaise’s couch.” He took a long pause, still not looking you in the eyes. “I’ll let you know, thank you Y/n.” 

“I’m sorry.” “I’m sorry for the way I’ve made you feel.” -

“What the fuck mate!” Ron said swinging the door open. Draco tensed at the sound. Him and Ron had surprisingly become good friend. Admittedly, it had taken a while but he found he had truly enjoyed the company of the person he despised for the majority of his life. The issue with that is that Ron no longer had any hesitation on commenting on his personal life. “Why did Blaise just write me saying you’re thinking of moving back in with him.” “She’s given up, she wants to move and I need to let her.” Draco said, avoiding eye contact with Ron. “She told you to leave? I can change her mind.” Ron said. Draco couldn’t help but feel a bit flattered that Ron would be willing to do that for him. “No, she told me to stay.” “Then why the fuck are you leaving.” 

“Staying is going to break my heart.” Ron looked at Draco with pity. Draco hated that.

“You’re going to be heartbroken either way. Stop being stupid.” Ron didn’t get it, he and Hermoine had this annoyingly perfect relationship. 

“I don’t want to impose on your family anymore either.” “I actually had a thought about that.” Ron said. “Ginny and I were thinking about moving out. We found a great flat, with four bedrooms. Hermione and I in one room, Ginny was going to take one, Y/n would take another and we have a fourth one, for you. ”

Draco stilled, “Really?” Flattered couldn’t begin to describe how he felt. This wasn’t a spur of the moment, ‘we’ll make it work’. They had thought of him when planning this. They wanted him there. “What about Potter?”

“Tried to convince him but I think he’s going to be staying with Andromeda,” Ron said. “Your aunt, he wants to help with Teddy. Feels awful guilty I reckon.”

Draco paused. His heart couldn’t help but feel lighter. Ron Weasley liked him. He was inviting him to live together, by choice. He had never imagined what forgiveness would feel like, but this seemed to be it or something close to it anyways. “I’ll talk to Y/n about it, I wouldn’t want to make her uncomfortable.”

“Ginny and I haven’t talked to her about it yet, but I’m sure she’ll be fine with it,” Ron said putting a hand on Draco’s shoulder and nodding at him. “So you can unpack that bag, at least for now.”

-

You held your boxes of things close to your chest as you walked up the stairs of your apartment building toward your new flat. It would be hard to get used to not using magic for everything, but Hermione insisted on it. Her new job in the Ministry had her more strict on the statute of secrecy than she had been in school. 

“Need a hand?” Draco called from behind you. You were happy that he had chosen to join you, truly you were. The last thing you wanted was to tear him away from a life he had grown comfortable with, you saw the way he was happy with Ginny and Ron, and based on the letters you had gotten from both Pansy and Blaise this was the first time he had felt that way in a long time. He took a box from the top of your teetering pile before opening the door for you. 

“It’s,  nice.” You said with an evident pause. The question of how you had gotten such an affordable deal was instantaneously answered, you turned to Draco to see how he felt about the place but saw no such reaction.

“I’ll take what I can get,” Draco said setting your box and his things down. “I lived on Blaise’s couch for a year and have been sleeping a few feet away for Ron for the last few months. My own room is a blessing.”

“It’s perfect,” Ginny said entering the flat with her own boxes in tow, Harry not too far behind, helping her with her things. “I love Mum, but Merlin am I excited for some freedom.” “Like you ever listened to her.” Ron snorted, your friends fell into their comfortable banter and you wandered off toward the rooms. They were tiny for sure but you couldn’t help but like them. You were beginning to feel normal again when you first woke up and had no memory you didn’t see yourself living a normal life but here you were, back on track. Your eyes found themselves on Draco and you felt uneasy, you didn’t know how he fit into your new life. He was your roommate now,  his place in this flat was as cemented as yours. You no longer felt guilt every time you saw him, that was a step forward for sure, but still, a sort of uneasiness came over you. You pushed it aside, the whole reason you had shut down Draco the way you had was so you’d be able to have a normal life, and that included treating Draco like you would every other person in the flat, like a friend.

-

“Draco your friends are here.” Ron called from the door as Pansy pushed past Ron and into the flat.

“Sorry.” Blaise said.

“What have I said about apologizing for me Blaise?” Pansy groaned. “Which room is Draco’s?”

“What are you guys doing here?” Draco asked.

“Starts living with a bunch of Gryffindors and forgets all about his friends, typical.” Pansy exclaimed.

“I got to say I agree with her.” Blaise said.

Ron walked away from them, overwhelmingly uninterested in their dramatics.

“I haven’t forgotten about you,” Draco said. “You guys are my best friends.”

“Okay we get it,” Pansy said rolling her eyes. “No need to get all sentimental.”

Draco had really missed his friends, he liked his flat mates he really did. It took some time to get used to ‘Game Night’ but he was growing to appreciate the Gryffindor-esque of his roomates. But Pansy and Blaise had been there from the beginning, there were things about Draco that only they would understand, them and Y/n, of course, atleast the old Y/n. 

“We’re taking you out for drinks.” Pansy exclaimed excitedly, shaking Draco slightly. 

“Not my idea,” Blaise said shaking his head. 

“I’m controlling myself now, I’ll be fine.” Draco said. He really was getting better, he didn’t like to think about the mess he was before he had moved in with the Weasleys.

“So emotional, the both of you,” Pansy said shaking her head. “It’s so boring.”

Pansy fussed over both his and Blaise’s outfits for the next hour before sheathing her jacket to show off one of her clubbing outfits, only much more extravagant than anything Draco has seen her wear in the past.

“Where exactly are we going?” Draco said.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about that,” Pansy said.

-

It was worse than Draco expected, Pansy had really outdone herself. The club was packed, every few steps Draco felt the sweat of others on him and had to stop himself from physically cringing. 

“Let loose a little!” Pansy said, her own excitement visible all over her face as she leaned over the bar to talk to the bartender.

“When was the last time you had a little fun?” Blaise said.

“I have fun.” Draco said. “I like living with all of them.” “I don’t mean that type of fun.”

Draco snorted. “What to do you think.” “You depress me Draco, you really do.” Blaise said. “Do you need me to be your wingman or something? How times have changed, the Draco Malfoy needs help getting laid.”

“I don’t need help getting laid Blaise,” Drcao said, embarassed and irritated. “I just don’t really want to.” “Merlin, it’s even worse than I thought.” Blaise immediately turned to the bartender ordering drinks for the both of them.

-

Draco sits at the bar silently, Blaise had found someone else more interesting and abandoned him so he was sulking at a bar, very typical of him, he thought to himself. He tried to look as unapproachable as possible but he felt a burning stare on him and couldn’t help but turn to look who was sending it. He looked up to see a girl who was intently headed in his direction, he looked around for his friends desperate for a quick way out but they were no where to be found. 

The girl took a seat next to him, “Thanks for the drink.” She said with a slight giggle and she swirled her drink around before drinking more of it. Draco stared down at her cup completely confused before putting it together, Blaise just loved to meddle. He wasn’t sure what to say but luckily for him there was no need for that, the girl talked his ear off. 

Eventually she grew tired of sitting and dragged him to the dance floor. Draco didn’t want to offend this girl so he feigned the most interest he could while simultaneously backing away from her. He was already many drinks in and he still wasn’t able to drown out the fact that this girl was not you. Evidently the girl didn’t pick up on just how put off Draco was and he had to put an end to it. 

He pushed her hands off of his chest where they had been,

 “Hey-”

Whatever protest he was going to put up were quickly shut down by the girl all but throwing herself on Draco, her lips were smothering his and Draco was complteley frozen for one second and the next he was gagging. The girl backed away immediately in disgust, just in time for Draco to throw up all over her shoes. The attention of the entire room seemed to be on him and the girl as many of them began to laugh at the scene. Pansy and Blaise quickly found him and dragged him to the bathroom. 

Pansy tried to stiffly her laughter as Blaise scolded her.

“I thought you could hold your liquor Malfoy.” Blaise laughed. “Time have really changed.”

“It wasn’t the drinks, she kissed me.” Draco mumbled.

“Did she taste bad or something?” Pansy chortled.” God how embarrassing, for her that is.”

“She tasted fine.” Draco said as he cleaned himself infront of the bathroom mirror.

“It’s okay mate, you tried.” Blaise said. “But if you had let me be your wingman you probably wouldn’t have thrown up.” “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Draco said plainly, amusment gone from his voice. He could’ve told them that this would have happened. Saved them the trouble. He was living with you as friends sure, but that didn’t mean he was over his soulmate. Pansy and Blaise exchanged a guilty look.

“We’ll take you back to your place.”

-

Draco closes the door behind him quietly, feel a bit of relief wash over him.

“Hey,” You said from the sofa, she was sat down working on some sort of craft project. “How was your night out?”

He considered being honest with you, telling you that he threw up because he couldn’t handle kissing anyone that wasn’t his soulmate. But there would be no point in that because you were not his soulmate. He wasn’t sure when it had set in but he knew that he didn’t feel the same way seeing you as he once did, so he lied. “It went great.”

“That’s great,” You said smiling up at him. Draco started to head towards his room before you called after him. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” 

He nodded before taking a seat on the couch, leaving a seat between the both of you.

“I don’t know how to approach this, given our situation.” You looked up while you spoke, avoiding his eyes. “I got asked on date, and I wanted to take them up on the offer. I just wanted to check with you before I said anything, I would hate to make you uncomfortable.” He didn’t understand how he felt, he thought he didn’t love this new Y/n but the thought of you going on a date with someone else made him want to throw up again. It was a constant whirl of confusion, but you seemed to know what you wanted. The only thing he did know was that he missed his soulmate, so much that it hurt.

“Go for it, I’m good.” Draco lied. “Really, I am.”

-

You posed in front of the mirror with Ginny and Hermione.

“We look so good,” She shook you with excitement. “I’m serious we’re going to kill this party.”

“This is what our last few years should’ve been like, partying, dressing up,” Ginny said shaking her head. “Not war.”

“I’m glad Parvati is having this party,” You said adjusting the straps of your dress. “Melin, we need it. I mean when was the last time any of us were able to feel our age.”

“I agree,” Hermione said. “And we look really good.”

The three of you were dressed as pirates, Parvati had called all of you up only a week ago with the idea of throwing a Halloween party and you had all been in agreement. “Can you tell Draco that he has to go?” Ron said standing in your doorway and knocking on the bathroom door to get your attention.

“He doesn’t want to go?” Hermione asks.

“No,” Ron says frustrated. “He thinks people aren’t going to want him there.”

You follow Ginny and Hermione out of the bathroom, Draco is sat on the couch arms crossed, likely already having received a lecture from Ron on the importance of Halloween parties.

“Draco get dressed!” Ginny exclaimed pulling his blanket off of him. “You’re going to make us late.”

“I already said I’m not going,” Draco said yanking his blanket back. “I’m serious, I don’t want to spend my whole night surrounded by people who hate me.”

“They don’t hate you.” Ginny said, sounding wholey unconvincing.

Draco didn’t budge off of the couch.

“Fine whatever, be lame!” Ginny said going back to getting ready followed by Hermione. Ron scoffed and went back to putting together his own costume, a mummy. You stood awkwardly in the living room, across from Draco. His eyes softened when it was just you, whatever irritation he had at his friends dissipated. 

“The point of this party is to get everyone’s spirits up after everything we’ve gone through,” You said. “You went through the War just like the rest of us, you deserve to move on too.”

You give him a small smile before heading off to the bathroom too. Ginny talked your ear off about how excited she was to see everyone and Harry who had been so busy lately. You nodded along to her recounts drifting off until a soft knock caught your attention.

Draco stood at the door, he was wearing an orange shirt with a haphazardly drawn face on it, “I’m a pumpkin.” He said, you couldn’t help but smile up at him. 

-

It seemed like your entire year had shown up to the party, it felt strange seeing everyone in the same place again. Your friends had all dispersed all having their own people to catch up with, except for Draco who stuck by your side.

“Are your friends coming?” You asked him as you maneuvered through the crowd of people.

Draco snorted, “No, Pansy told me she’d rather die and Blaise said that I’d damper his Halloween spirit.”

“I guess we’ll just have to show Blaise you have tons of Halloween spirit.” You said.

“I guess we do.” Draco laughed. “Want me to get us some drinks?”

You nodded before he walked off, you could sense his uneasiness as he walked towards the drinks, having to get past all of the people who wanted nothing to do with him. You hoped he’d be able to have a good time, you were the reason he was here after all.

You were brought away from your thoughts at the familiar nasal tone of Romilda Vane’s voice, it was the same one you heard gossiping almost every night in the Gryffindor common room.

“What is he doing here?”

“Doesn’t he look good,” Lavender said. “Merlin, how does he make orange work?”

“He’s a murder Lav, get yourself together,” Romilda said. “ How the fuck did his psycho ass even get invited?”

“Apparently he lives with Ron, Ginny, Hermione, and Y/n.” Katie chimed in. “Merlin, he’s got to have put some spell on them.” Romilda said in disbelief. “What the fuck is he playing at.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You spun around to face them, the look on the three girls faces blanched for a second, not having seen you. “Mind your own fucking business.”

Lavendar and Katie backed away, not wanting the confrontation but Romilda only puffed out her chest and stepped closer to you, it was an intimidation tacit she had used since your first year. 

“We have the right to be concerned for our safety.” Romilda sneered. “Well, I’m telling you that your perfectly safe, so shut your mouth Romilda.” You said trying not to backdown. You were not a fighter, Ginny had enough aggressiveness for the both of you.

“What, are you shagging him?” Romilda laughed. “Is that really all it takes to get you to forget that Death Eaters are bad, it’s pathetic really. ”

Before you could even process that Ginny was right behind you, ready to handle Romilda herself, you hit her. Your fist stung and you shook it as she cried out and gripped at her face, making a spectacle of herself. Everyone was turning to look at you.

“What is going on?” Padma said. You explained under your breath, Padma had always been your friend more than Romilda’s, it didn’t take much convincing to show her Romilda was in the wrong. It was Romilda after all. Katie and Lavender had to drag her out as she cried out in protest. 

“I’m so sorry Padma, I know how much this party meant to you, and to everyone.” You were more than embarrassed.

“She was out of line, it would’ve been wrong for you not to put her in her place.” She said before leaving you on your own. The party quickly picked up, your drama no doubt firing a bit of the stir. 

“Was that awesome or what?” Ginny said coming up you with Hermione and Ron in tow. “Where did you learn to hit like that? Oh wait, I totally taught you!”

“Where’s Draco?” You asked, there was no way he had missed all the commotion. You hoped you hadn’t made him feel worse. Ginny rolled her eyes at how quickly you killed her excitement. “In some corner sulking probably,” Ron said. Hermione supported his statement, nudging your elbow and pointing towards where he was. Standing in a corner of the room while swirling his drink around. You abandoned your friends and walked towards him, already piling up the stew of apologies you owed him. “I’m so sorry Draco, I didn’t mean to bring more attention to you.”

He looked at you confused, “You hit Romilda because of me?” Your face turned red. 

“You didn’t hear all that?”

“Not until she started screaming. Shit, I knew I shouldn’t have come.”

“No, It’s my own fault. I just got myself carried away.”

“What happened?”

“She was just saying stuff she had no business saying.” You said. 

“I’m sorry.” “For what?” “Ruining your night, if I hadn’t come she wouldn’t have had anything to talk about.” “Don’t apologize. You're my friend, I’ll make a million more scenes if I have to.”

“Please don’t.” He laughed before his expression softened. “I’m glad we’re friends by the way.” Draco meant it too. Surprisingly, it was getting easier. You weren’t the Y/n that was his soulmate, you were the Y/n that was his friend and this reality was increasingly becoming less scary.

“Me too.”

“Fuck.” He said.

“What?” “Now I have to punch someone.” Draco said pinching the bridge of his nose, feigning anguish. You laughed and shoved him.

-

“What is she doing!” Ginny yelped as she pressed herself to the window trying to get the best look down from her apartment building.

“Keep your voice down.” Hermione scolded from next to her, although she was equally as curious. Even with Hermione’s shushing Draco and Ron came out of their rooms to see what the fuss was about. 

“What’s going on?” Draco said looking between the two girls and then at Ron who looked equally as confused.

Ginny let out a scream at the sight of Draco before standing on the couch making her best effort to cover the window. “Don’t look!” Draco ignored Ginny and went up to the window, it was You. You were wearing, what Ginny would call a ‘Bad Bitch’ outfit, it was new, he definitely hadn’t seen it before. It seemed like you were going to wear it to wherever Zacharias Smith was planning on taking you in that car of his. This must’ve been that date you had told him about, he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t thought it was going to happen, but here it was.

“It’s fine.” He said moving away from the window. “She told me she was going on a date.” “Did you know it was with Zacharias Smith!” Ginny exclaimed, sinking into the sofa in defeat. “That guy sucks!”

Draco didn’t know Zacharias but he was glad to have a valid reason to not like him, although Ginny’s bar for ‘suck’ was pretty low.

“It’s really none of my business.” Draco said, he didn’t miss the look of pity from Hermione and Ron.

“It its your business,” Ginny said. “You’re her soulmate!”

Draco sighed “I really don’t want to get into this right now.” “It’s alright mate.” Ron said, patting him on the back. “Leave him alone Ginny!”

Draco made his way back to his room, shutting the door behind him to try to lose the sound of Ginny and Ron arguing. He was trying to convince himself that it was fine, he had date options too! He could finally take Astoria up on that offer, Pansy wouldn’t let him hear the end of it, Astoria being Daphne’s baby sister and all that, but still. What did Pansy know anyways? If Y/n could move on, he could to. In fact he had to, he didn’t want to seem obsessed with her or anything like that. They were roomates afterall. 

Draco pulled paper out of his desk before writing to Astoria, he crumbled it up the first time. But the second time he managed a possibly too formal invitation for a date, he handed it to his owl before he had the chance to change his mind.

-

You picked at your food as Zacharias went on about what he’s been up to since Hogwarts. Working his way up the ministry ladder, or something along those lines. You remembered one of the conversations you had with Draco when you were still trying to get your memories back, he was telling you how he’d rather die than be a Ministry Man like his father, and grandfather and possibly all the Malfoy men before him. Zacharia had not no such concerns. You took a mouthful of your pasta before noticing the way he was looking at you, eyes wide with a slight smile, head tilted like he was expecting something. He must have said a joked that you missed.

“Sorry!” You said, “Trying not to laugh with my mouth full!” “No worries, it’s good for a woman to have manners.”

You held back a laugh, but this time not to have ‘manners’ but to spare his feelings.

-

Draco poured cereal into his bowl as he heard the sounds of keys jingling, outside of the door. Would it be awkward for him to be in the kitchen as you came in, would it seem like it was on purpose? It was already too late for him to go running into his room, he had to act natural.

The door opened and he could hear the voice of Zacharias carrying into the flat.

“I had a great time.” Zacharias said. Merlin he even soiunded like a prat.

“Thanks.” You said awkwardly, “Me too.” Draco wondered if you meant it, but he was quickly taken away from his thoughts by the sight of Zacharias pushing you into the door and kissing you. The door, which was already open agape, swung open at Zacharias pushing your body against it and hitting the wall. Draco really wished he had taken that chance at making a run for his room.

Zacharias moved away from your completely still form at the sight of Draco. “You live with him?”

“Uh, yeah.” You said stepping away from him further.

“Whatever.” Zacharias scoffed, clearly upset by Draco’s presence. “I’ll call you.”

“What was that about.” Draco said as you went to close the door behind Zacharias.

“Oh, well we talked about our soulmates. So I explained our whole situation, I just didn’t mention that we lived together.”

“I hope that’s not a problem.” Draco said, in reality he hoped it was a problem but you didn’t need to know that. “In all honesty, I don’t really care if it is.” You said kicking your shoes off. “Good night Draco.”

“Night.” He called out after you, the urge to go on a date with Astoria was very much gone but he knew that the Owl had likely reached her by now. He was expecting a howler from Daphne any second about asking her sister out without checking with her first.

Draco groaned and poured his cereal down the drain, he had lost his appetite.

-

Draco went on his date with Astoria, and then some. And you grew to tolerate Zacharias.

Even with the both of you being involved with other people, the undeniable fact was that it was your day. Unbeknownst to both of you, you would both lay awake at night under the same roof wondering what would happen. What if you didn’t hear eachother’s voices? Draco thought that would explain why things weren’t the same, but he didn’t want to consider that. He didn’t want to replace you. Although sometimes it felt like he was, Astoria laughed a certain way or wore a certain shirt and he was reminded of how he never meant to date again. 

You were stretching, having just woken up when you felt the tug. You were stunned for a second, one of the things you had yet to remember where the tugs, you couldn’t remember a single one and here you were experiencing it again.

Draco spoke first, “How are you?”

The confirmation that was hearing his voice somehow lifted a pressure off your chest. “I’m well. What are you having for breakfast?”

“I was going to have pancakes.” He answered.

You stepped into your slippers before making your way to his room. You knocked twice.

“Come in.” He called.

You pushed the door open and stood in his doorway. “Hey soulmate.” “Hey.” He said laughing a little, although there was a ting of sadness carried in his tone.

“Mind if I join you for those pancakes.” You said.

“Not at all.” He smiled stepping out of bed. 

You were so sucked into the domesticity of it all, the way you and Draco were able to get through everything you’d gone through and still be friends that you almost missed the way he managed to look good even after just waking up, almost. 

-

You were a nervous wreck, dinner usually had away of going sideways with the 5 of you, now with the added elements of Harry, Zacharias, and Astoria you weren’t entirely sure what to expect.

It had been your idea after all, you had made an attempt at convincing Ginny that Zacharias wasn’t the complete asshole that he had been at Hogwarts to no avail. So this dinner was to try and show them that you were going out with him for more than a free meal, and to possible also convince yourself of that as well. And if you we’re being completely honest you wanted to see what Astoria’s deal was. Draco never brought her over to the flat, the same way you never let Zacharias get past the door way. But now they’d both be in your home, fantastic.

-

The doorbell rang through the house. Everyone was here except for her, the spot next to Draco and across from you was empty. Draco stood from his chair to get the door, but not before catching the anxious look on your face. 

You turned towards Zacharias pretending to be interested in whatever he was telling Ron and Harry about, you could see it on their faces that they were about disinterested as you. You wondered what exactly made you continue to date him, he was handsome, maybe that was it. Sometimes he could be funny, and he was very gentlemanly. You supposed that was enough. 

Astoria sat across from you. You knew she was a year or two below you in school but that was about all you knew about her, but she looked exactly like you imagined her to. Her dark brown hair was blown out and framed her pale face nicely, she had light blue eyes that contrasted against her dark hair and her bold red lipstick. She was from one of those old rich pureblood families like Draco and she looked the part. Seeing them sit next to each other they looked like a perfect fit for each other, the Ministry husband and the gala-planning wife. 

You noticed that everyone’s eyes were on you.

“Sorry?” You said, clearly having missed something.

“Astoria was just introducing herself to you.” Draco said, concern etched on his face.

“Right, sorry.” You said. “Lovely to meet you, truly.” She gave you a tight lipped smile as she exchanged pleasantries with the rest of the table. 

Zacharias gave you a weird look but you missed it, instead staring down at your plate. 

The small talk was going well for a few minutes. Not that you were too engaged in it, you couldn’t help but sneak looks at Astoria and Draco. You knew you had wanted him to move on from you for so long, but it’s one thing to want it and another for it to happen right before your eyes.

“So Zacharias, what have you been up to.” Harry asked Zacharias.

“Working at the Ministry, surprised you lot aren’t there too.” Zacharias said. “Working isn’t for everyone, I suppose.” You elbowed him for his brassness. 

“Well Zacharias,” Ginny said. From the way she put her fork down you nearly wanted to cower under the table. “Some of us have a War to recover from.”

Zacharias snorted. “I went through the war too, I’m perfectly fine.” “Did you though?” Hermione said under her breath.

“What was that?” 

You wanted to scream. The worst possible scenario was actively unfolding. You felt the realization wash over you, this guy was actually just a fucking asshole. 

“Everyone saw your cowardness Zacharias.” Hermione said sitting up straight and looking directly at him. “You pushed first years into danger to get yourself out of it.”

“It’s called survival skills,” Zacharias said, not backing down. “Maybe if you lot had some this table would be a little more full, yeah?”

The table went silent as Zacharias pointedly made eye contact with Ginny and Ron.

“You need to go.” You said breaking the silence, you couldn’t even look up at him from how humiliated you felt.

“What!” Zacharias said offended, “I’m just standing up for myself.”

“Get out!” You said standing up. “I’m serious Zacharias, you need to go.”

Zacharias stood up aggressively and the rest of the table except for Astoria stood too.

You walked to the door holding it open for him. “Now.”

Zacharias angerly gathered his stuff and made his way out. “Can one of you make sure he finds his way out?” You said, tears welling up as you made your way to your room followed by Hermione and Ginny.

“I’ve got this.” Draco said, motioning for Harry and Ron to stay put. 

-

“What the fuck, are you following me?” Zacharias said as Draco got into the elevator after him.

“Just making sure you find your way out.” Draco seethed.

“Well, I’m fine, thanks.”

“Yeah I think I’ll stick around until you’re out the door.” Zacharias huffed and Draco stood in the elevator arms crossed until they reached the ground floor.

When Zacharias stood outside of the apartment building, he looked back at Draco, eyes flailing. Zacharias rubbed his face in frustration before mumbling under his breath a curse mixed with your name.

“Excuse me?” Draco said grabbing him by the collar. “You’re friend’s a cunt.” Zacharias seethed, not backing down despite having Draco at his neck. 

Draco ignored the voice of a cop down the street yelling at him to let Zacharias go. Zacharias pushed Draco off of him only to be met with Draco’s fist. Zacharias pushed Draco back and made to punch him back before Draco pushed him onto the ground.

“Cut it out!” The cop yelled getting inbetween the both of them.

-

“Merlin, fuck.” Harry said watching from the window.

He knocked on your door not wanting to disturb whatever motivational speech Ginny and Hermione were giving you. “Sorry to interrupt but, I’m afraid Draco is getting arrested.”

“What?” Astoria said standing up from the table and looking out the window herself. “Merlin, Draco.”

You wiped the tears of humiliation off your face and went to go look out the window too. “They’re taking him away! Where are they taking him to.” “Where do you think,” Ron groaned. “Most likely the police station genius.”

“I don’t need this snark right now my s-” You paused. “Draco is being arrested.”

Astoria stood awkwardly next to you, not entirely sure how to react. 

“I’ll drive.” Ginny said grabbing her keys off of the counter and making her way out of the flat.

“I think I’ll go on my own.” Astoria said, forcing a smile.

“Right of course.” You said closing the door behind her.

-

Draco’s phone call was met by voicemail so he assumed that his friends were already on their way. Merlin, what was he going to say, Astoria wouldn’t find it weird that he punched Zacharias for you would she? Would you find it weird? 

The door of the police station swung open, it was you and the rest of his friends, with a lack of Astoria that went unnoticed by Draco. You rushed to the desk telling them what you were there for, you looked so concerned. Draco found it entirely endearing. The secretary went off to talk to one of the officer and your eyes scanned the room for Draco, you waved slightly when you finally saw him, he smiled at that.

-

“We’ll let you off with just a warning this time.” The officer said, you trailing not too far behind him. “You the girlfriend?” He said turning to you. You blinked staring at Draco and then at the officer.

“No, that would be me.” Astoria said coming up next to you, because she was his girlfriend. Not you. There had been no reason for you to hesitate, yet you did.

“Just keep him out of trouble Ma’am.” The officer said. “Let there not be a next time.” “There won’t be officer,” Astoria said smiling at him in a way that made the officer turn light pink. She was charming, you never considered yourself charming. 

“Do you want to ride home with us?” You asked looking back towards your friends who were waiting by the door of the station, watching curiously on this unspoken game of tug-a-war between you and Astoria.

“I think he’ll come with me.” Astoria interrupted before Draco could answer. “There’s probably not enough room in Ginny’s car.”

She grabbed Draco by the hand leading him out of the police station without stopping to say goodbye.

Draco glanced back at you with a tight lipped smile. “I’ll see you at home?”

You nodded.

-

You fell asleep waiting for Draco to come home, the sound of the door opening woke you up. You stood to talk to him.

“Why’d you hit Zacharias?” You said standing across from him. 

Draco sighed, shaking his jacket off and throwing it onto the couch. He ran a hand through his hair before answering, “Because.” He paused. “I’d do anything for you.”

Your breath catched at the look on his face as he turned to you. His eyes were dark and all of his focus was on one thing, you. He got closer to you until you could feel his breathing on your nose. 

“Draco,” You said, “Fuck.” His finger tilted your face upwards to kiss you before he pushed you closer to the sofa, he spun you and pulled you down with him until you were sitting on his lap. His mouth was on your neck but he moved his wet kisses down towards your chest, yanking on your shirt until you pulled it off over your head.

“Y/n” He called, you only hummed in response.

“Y/n.” You blinked slowly, you were on the couch but not on top of Draco. No Draco was in front of you, shaking you awake.

“Did you fall asleep waiting up for me?” He asked, brows furrowed.

Your chest heaved with each shallow breath.

“Are you okay?” He asked, taking in your appearance.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said rubbing your eyes as you sat up. “What time is it?”

“It’s 2.” He said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be waiting up for me.”

“No, I don’t know why I thought you were coming right home.” You said. “I should go to my room.” 

He nodded, “Good night.” You stopped in your doorway, turning to look at him. “Why’d you hit Zacharias?” “You’re my friend.” Draco said. “And he was being a prat.” “Sorry, you got arrested.” You said.

He shrugged. “No big deal.”

“Good night Draco.” You said before closing the door behind you. You didn’t give yourself time to think about your dream, or why Draco hadn’t come straight home, you collapsed onto your bed and let sleep take you. 

-

Astoria was perceptive, but she didn’t need to be to see your obvious affection for each other. You were talking to each other animatedly on the sofa, bodies fully turned towards each other, you couldn’t get enough of each other’s presence. Draco hung onto every word you said the same way your eyes were glued to his. She wasn’t the only one to notice this, she didn’t miss the excited glances that Draco’s roommates gave each other whenever they saw Draco and you acting this way. She put down the bowl she was stirring.

“Draco can you give me a hand with dinner?” She called out from the kitchen, she didn’t miss how he lingered next to you. Obviously not wanting to leave your side, and she didn’t miss the way your hand slipped off his arm, where it had previously been. She turned away from the sight, wiping angrily at the tears welling in her eyes.

“What’s up.” He said.

“Uh.” Astoria paused. “Can you finish up dinner, I’m not feeling well.” 

“Oh yeah totally.” He said. “Don’t worry about it, you were so kind for offering to make dinner for us in the first place.”

“Rain check?” Astoria asked. “Sure.” He said leading her out the door. “Want me to walk you to your car?”

“No need.” A part of Astoria thought he would notice the tone in her voice and ask her what was wrong but he didn’t, he shut the door behind her and she heard his quickly retreating steps, most likely eager to get back to you.

-

Ginny and you laid on your bed while your nail polish dried, you were reading a magazine while she stared you down.

“What do you want to say to me Ginny.” You sighed putting down the magazine. You had known Ginny long enough to pick up on her tells, not that she was discrete with them.

“It’s not what I want to say to you.” Ginny said. “It’s what you want to say to me.”

“Okay.” You paused. “What is it you want me to say.” “When we’re you going to tell me about you having a crush on Draco!” She whisper yelled. “Do you have your memories back?”

Your face burnt bright red. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Why are you lying to me right now,” Ginny said. “I’m not going to tell him.” “I don’t have my memories back.” You said laying back down and covering your face with your hands. “And maybe I do like him, but he doesn’t like me! He’s dating Astoria, plus he’s only interested in me if I have my memories.” Ginny blinked at you. “Are you fucking blind. Even Astoria can see that he likes you.” “No, he doesn’t!” You said. “I’m the one that pushed him away remember?”

Ginny groaned in frustration. “I hate you so much.”

“Why do you choose to make your life more difficult than it has to be!”

“I am not making my life more difficult.” You argued. “I’m saving myself from humiliation.”

“He is in love with you!” Ginny said, You shook her head and picked your magazine back up. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Then when will we?” Ginny said. “When he really does stop loving you because of Astoria?”

She walked out of your room slamming the door behind her.

-

Groceries in hand you dug through your pockets for the keys to the flat. You stopped in your tracks when you saw Astoria, she was standing on your doormat waiting for a response but she started walking towards you when she saw you.

“Hi, Astoria.” You said. “I don’t think Draco’s home right now.” “I’m here to talk to you, not with Draco.” She said.

“Oh.” You paused, “Let me just put this stuff away and we can talk.” 

She nodded walking into the flat and sitting down on the sofa after you opened it.

“What’s up.” You said, taking a seat next to her.

“I need you to leave Draco alone.” She said, not looking you in the eye.

“What?” You said incredulously

“He told me what happened with the two of you.” Astoria said. 

“What-” She interrupted you. “You cut it off with him. So please let him move on.” 

“Astoria, he’s my friend.” You said, “I’m not trying to seduce him or anything.”

“ I love him,” Astoria said. “Do you know how hard it is to find someone when you don’t have a soulmate? It’s impossible, but I found Draco.”

You were silent. He was never her’s to find. You weren’t dead, he would still hear your voice every year. Did she not know that? You so wanted to drag her by her perfect hair. Who was she to tell you what to do?

“So, please. Let him go.” Astoria pleaded.

“What exactly is it that you want him to do.”

“Just leave him alone.” She snapped, then regained her composure. “By stringing him along, you’re ruining his life. You’re never getting your memories back, get used to the idea.”

Your eyes unfocused out of anger. 

“Get out of my house.” You said. She looked at you and opened her mouth but quickly closed it and stormed out. You slammed the door behind her, turning on your heel towards your room. You couldn’t believe her audacity. You laid on your bed trying to compose yourself while staring up at your ceiling.

What would Draco say if you told him she had confronted you like that? Surely, he’d be on your side. 

You turned to your others side. But Astoria was right, you did turn him down. And you aren’t getting your memories back. Even if he were to start ‘liking’ you again that wouldn’t change.

-

You felt lonely, Ginny was too upset with you to talk to you and you were trying not to talk to Draco. Even though you truly hated Astoria, she was right. Your crush on Draco would only mess with both of your lives. You weren’t speaking to the two most important people in your life. You couldn’t find a reason to get out of bed, so you didn’t.

You heard soft knocks at your door. “I’m letting myself in.” Ginny said. She took in your room and tried to ignore the mess before making her way to you. “I’m so sorry if I went too far. You’re my bestfriend. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine Ginny.”

“Then what’s wrong with you.” She said. “You’re not treating yourself right.”

You stayed silent. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Y/n please.” Ginny said quietly running her fingers through your hair. “We’re so worried about you.”

“I’m fine.” You said turning away from her.

“Is this about Draco?” GInny said, she had only seen you like this once before.

You couldn’t help the way the sobs racked your body. “Merlin, I just love him so much.”  

“Oh sweetheart.” She climbed into bed with you, hugging you tight as you cried. 

“I just don’t want to keep hurting him.”

“I know.” Ginny said pressing kisses to your forehead. “But do you honestly think Draco would be anything but happy to hear you love him?”

“I don’t want to risk it.”

“Just fucking being in the same space as him makes me happy,” You said. “I don’t want to make him want to leave.”

“Haven’t you seen how close him and Ron are?” Ginny said. “He could hate you and he’d put that aside to live with his bestie.”

You laughed at that,

“You’re my best friend.”

“I know.”

“I love you Ginny.” “I love you too.” She said. “So please get yourself together and go get your man.”

-

It took you three days to work up the nerve to talk to him. 

You stared at yourself in the mirror, your makeup was done but not to the point it would be too obvious, and your hair looked slightly cuter than usual. 

“Get yourself together.” You told yourself, you stood up from your vanity with determination.

A knock sounded through your room, it was probably Ginny asking you when you were planning on making the move.

“I’m coming.” You groaned. You swung your door open expecting Ginny but were met with Draco.

“Draco.” You said curtly, “Sorry, I thought you were Ginny.”

“Are you going somewhere?” He asked,

“What?”

“You did your makeup, and your hair.”

There goes being subtle.

“Oh- uh-no.” You said.

He nodded, stuffing his hands into his pockets. You would’ve picked up on his weird behavior if it wasn’t for your nerves.

He opened his mouth to say something but you quickly interjected. “I need to tell you something.”

He opened his mouth again but you interrupted. “Sorry no interruptions, I need to get this out or I’m never going to say it.”

You sighed and he watched you curiously not saying a word. “I love you.” You said. “And no I don’t have my memories back, and I don’t know if they’re ever going to come back.” You choke back tears and Draco hasn’t moved an inch. You so desperately hoped he’d shut you up by telling you he loved you but you continued. “And I don’t need them to come back, because I’ve met you again. I’ve fallen in love with you again, and I know you have Astoria, I know that. But I feel like you should know that I love you because what’s more soulmatey than me falling in love with you twice.” You bit your lip, not looking him in the face as you took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m you’re soulmate Draco, I know it in my heart. I know that sounds so incredibly cheesy but I do, I see you and I can’t breathe because I love you so much. Every moment I’m not with you I’m thinking about you. I don’t need my memories to know that my feelings for you haven’t changed.”

There was a quiet pause. “You can talk now.” You said.

“I broke up with Astoria.” He said.

 “When?”

 “Just now, I just came from seeing her.” 

“Why?”

 “Because Y/n. I love you too. I never needed you to get your memories back. You’re not the same person I first fell in love with but it doesn’t fucking matter because I’m still irrevocably in love with you y/n. I never fucking stopped.” 

Your heart nearly exploded. You were frozen for a second, but only for a second. You were overcome with the urge to touch him. You all but launched yourself at him which he eagerly accepted. His lips caught yours and his hands went to your waist pulling your body to his. You had unwillingly caught Draco and Astoria kissing a few times, and everytime you couldn’t help but get angry. You had felt a possesiveness, he wasn’t hers for her to be touching like that. You let that feeling control you. Things were how they were supposed to be now. Your hands went to his chest and you couldn’t help but pull at his collar. You wanted it off, you wanted to feel his skin on yours. His kisses moved down to your neck, too focused on you.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this for.” You said lustfully.

He laughed, stopping the kisses. He took your face in his hands, smirking at you. “You have no idea.” His eyes were dark and his voice was low and raspy. You could fuck him right there in the hallway.

“Let’s take this inside, yeah?” You whispered in his ear. Pulling him into your room behind you

-

“I don’t get why you need to move out.” Ginny groaned as you pushed another box out of your room.

“I’m sorry Ginny, I promise you it wasn’t an easy decision to make.” You said.

“Is Draco forcing you to move? You know just because you’re back together doesn’t mean he’s the boss of you.”

“I know that Ginny, it was a mutual decision.” You said putting down the box to look at her. You loved living with your friends you really did, and you loved seeing how much they loved Draco. Although they would deny it entirely, by your friends living alongside of you they were nursing you back to health. You wouldn’t have made it without them, and now you were better. You wanted to prove to yourself that you would be okay without them as your crutch. Besides you knew that you would see them almost everyday anyways. Not that you would be completely independent, you would have Draco. 

You were finally where your life was supposed to be.

“We’ll still talk everyday.” You reassured her, pulling her into a hug.

“Treat her right Draco.” Ginny said. “Or you’ll have to deal with me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” 

-

You bound up, sitting up in your bed. You had an unsettling dream, but it wasn’t a bad one in fact it was a pretty happy dream. Draco was there, but he was significantly younger and you two were arguing but you could tell neither of you meant what you were saying, and you were in Hogwarts and remembering Hogwarts had began to stop hurting.

It was a nice dream. Your grogginess immediately went away and you shook Draco awake.

“What’s the matter, what’s wrong.” Draco said pushing himself up to look at your face.

He just saw you staring at him with a big grin and tears streaming down your face.

“Y/n, what happened are you okay?”

“Draco,” You said choking on your sobs and throwing yourself at him.

He was still taking in what was happening when it seemed to click. He held you tight. “You have your memories back.” You didn’t say a word just feverishly nodding as you pressed yourself closer to him. 

“I’m so sorry for everything you had to go through.” You said pressing a kiss to his cheek. He nodded and began to cry too. 

“I’d go through it all again a million times over if it’s what it took to be with you.”

[ladyduellist]

Epistles of Saints & Sinners

Chapter Summary:

The companions deal with a hag and Tav makes a hard decision.

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Story Summary:

When Astarion meets the humble bard, Tav, he soon finds out he's the only one between them that knows they are bound as soulmates through their marks. Deciding it's more trouble than its worth, he refuses to tell her along the course of their journey across Faerûn.

But, unbeknownst to him and their companions, Tav is harboring a gruesome secret that she only thought was nothing more than a traumatized period in her life.

As they both come to face to face with their pasts and presents, will they choose to move forward or let it consume them?

Healing isn’t linear—after all.

⸺⋘✤⋙⸺

Chapter 13: End

Ao3

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Previous Chapter

Main Page & Chapter List

Word Count: 5.1k

Pairing: Astarion x female bard Tav

CW: Language, Blood & Violence, Trauma, Act 1 Spoilers

Hag song was HEAVILY influenced by 'Hey Girl' sung by Lady Gaga and Florence Welch

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They say that the heart is a heavy burden. Undead, an infernal engine, a mortal organ. They can all carry the same weight. And when you have had nothing to care for it for so long, It’s like a fucking chokehold the moment even a single jab of sweet honey infects it.

— Karlach, scrawled thoughts on a torn page from one of Gale’s books

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A devil’s servant was near: looming by her side, whispering a litany of canticles, bidding for her to wake.

The swordswoman awoke in a foreign room with paint peeling off the walls, like the droves of oppressed women by the men that promised to be their caretakers forevermore.

As Tav’s view unblurred, she noticed a priest passively swinging a thurible, releasing an unnatural pitch black colored smoke. The incense smelled of corrupted boils made to summon eldritch visitors.

And then pain. Her body felt like it had been tossed around in a rocky undertow. Each nerve ending aflame. Bruised. Defiled.

Her dried tongue attempted to coat itself in saliva as she tried to speak. “Wh—”

“Saer, she is awake,” the priest clad in a plain gold and black robe spoke aloud.

A figure was at the foot of the bed she laid in, clasping his hands together. “Fantastic!”

Algos.

She tried to move, pushing her weight on her elbows, but the soreness that shot through her was unbearable. Tav cried out roughly, falling back onto the pillow beneath her head.

“Careful my love, you’ve undergone a change—quite literally—overnight,” the rasp of his lilted tone seemed to slice through the curls of smoke filling the room. “Priest, grant me a moment with her.”

The pious stranger nodded, leaving the room as Algos approached her bedside, his boots clinking heavily across the wood floor.

Tav hysterically searched her surroundings for any indication of where they may be. She studied a singular dusty window with beams of sunlight straining to shine through. Then, the rotted floor, clearly missing a few boards. But, when she finally looked at the sheets and comforter thrown haphazardly onto her body—sullied in possible blood stains—she froze.

Placing a hand on her forehead while she was distracted, he smiled down at her. She flinched, breaking out into a cold sweat.

“Please…where…”

“Shush now. You’ll need all the rest you can get, that is, if you can even survive through the day.”

She peered up at him in horror, tears stinging in her widened ducts. Panic and the sensation to writhe under his touch set in. “What’s going—?”

His dark eyes bore into her, slowly narrowing into something cruel and unknown. “Isn’t love grand, Birdie?” The strength of his grip found her chin and he held it firmly, lowering himself to place a cold peck on her lips. “10 years I have loved you and finally you granted me the purest gift of your devotion to me.”

Tav gasped, pacifying any movements in her aching pulsating muscles. “Gift? I don’t…understand.”

Algos released her, taking a step backwards. He gestured dramatically towards her covers. “Now, unfortunately, I have already had to part with it; but know that it provided me with exactly what I needed. Anyways, I shan’t babble on about such negotiations, but maybe you should have a look for yourself?”

She grazed the stitched hem of the blankets covering her and steadily lifted them from her bare figure. Her tempest eyes traveled down the mounds of her breasts then to her torso and legs. She violently trembled in fear. “Algos, what have…have…you done…?”

He snapped his fingers in thought. “Ah, there is one more thing I must attend to.” He turned to leave, waving a quick goodbye. “If you’re still alive by the time I return, I believe that will have earned you a proper explanation, don’t you?”

Tav dropped her coverings and reached out towards him, screaming hoarsely over and over again in torment. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ALGOS! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

⸺⋘✤⋙⸺

Why did she kill for him?

Gale had warned her about Astarion. About the webs he would tangle her in. Spread out ornately on patterns of silken fibers as the tightrope artist approached her from each strand that represented his life. Even should the bough upholding his intricate designs begin to shake, she would remain: a votive offering for every shade of his light, his dark, his gray.

Guilt. The self-condemnation for her turning him away whilst the skeletons he housed took his hand to dance with them. His cross to bear: inscribed on their left over bones. The beasts within that fed on him as his soul still cowered in fear. An unyoked expression—the disconnect—on his face as he pushed his sex into her over and over again was a familiar reflection she had seen of herself before. That she still saw during the erosion of her body clashing against her past.

Had she made the right decision bidding him to leave?

Then, there was a moment between the aftermath of the confrontation with the hunter and these troubling thoughts, that both Tav and Astarion regarded one another in uncomfortable silence. Briefly, a bout of regret flickered behind those mesmeric garnets when his gaze traveled down to the area he bit the previous evening, hidden behind the stays of her corset.

”Why?” The spawn mouthed, anchoring his jaw tautly.

“Because you—”

Tav furrowed her brow concentrating on his question. He wasn’t asking why she had decided to run to his—their—aid, no, he wanted to know why she decided to come after what he did to her. How she could still bear to look upon this rabid self that stood before her after his teeth enacted a sacrilegious communion in the name of Cazador Szarr.

The answer vacillated through Tav while the crimson from Gandrel’s death wept from her gloved hands into a trinket of a puddle. She had run to her crew half-dressed, hearing their desperate crows during her midday training. And the moment she saw the vampire entangled in the vine spell, she knew her impulsive arrow would whistle through the breeze to pierce the hunter’s flesh to shield him.

Her stomach churned as she watched the waves of Astarion’s coif falling forward, while he bent over to search the man’s corpse. “Are you certain he was one of Cazador’s?”

“Well, he was, “ he smirked outturning the deceased’s pockets, discovering little more than a bag of gold and lint. “I have history with them; the Gur were responsible for nearly murdering me the night I was turned into a spawn. Only Cazador would know to send one now to capture me. I’m sure he found it quite humorous.”

“Whew-weeee! You sure know how to make an entrance!” Karlach flung the rest of the vines she cut in half off to the side, beaming at Tav. “Either way, the problem is taken care of, yea? Comrades have to take care of each other, but hopefully this won’t come back to bite us in the arse later on.” She pointed towards Astarion with a long fingernail. “Don’t get any ideas.”

He shrugged at her, tying the coin bag to his belt. The dagger in his hand slid across Gandrel’s shirt, wiping it clean of blood and debris as he continued squatting near his lifeless body.

Tav ignored Karlach, conflicted over her own earlier actions. “Astarion, are you absolutely sure?” She peered down at him, pondering which collusions were quietly branching off inside his mind for him to answer her with.

Her thoughts were suddenly addled with the urge to seek forgiveness from the gods for the unimaginable deadly sin she committed that staggered on the lines of her ward for Astarion and wrath itself. She wanted to believe him. Believe that the possibility was charitable enough that Gandrel worked for Cazador and would have trafficked him back to the city. She wanted to place her faith in him that somewhere inside his tortured existence that his intentions were, at the very least, mottled enough with the concept of “good.”

He stood upwards, readjusting his armor. “You don’t trust my word? He was a Gur. Why should it matter?”

Tav shook her head. “This isn’t only about trusting your word: it’s about trusting your decisions. This, “ she motioned around at the tiny ponds of blood and viscera decorating the ground. ”impacts more than just your impulses now. The volition of your path, Karlach, Wyll, our acquaintances, me—it impacts it all.”

Astarion murdered for her once; Priestess Gut at the goblin camp. The debt of her life owed was just repaid in kind. The Madonna with her slender rapier, piercing through the qualms of her own heart for a man who’s humanity was dangling from rafters above layers of stained glass.

Why did it matter? She wasn’t keeping score. Helping those in need came without questions. Tav had ended lives for others without another thought. To save. To defend. But the difference—the bloody difference—was that it never involved a personal attachment for someone like Astarion. If she cut down an innocent man for him on his false instinct, then she…

Astarion crossed his arms haughtily. Even with ichor splattered on his fair features, he was still lethally gorgeous. “My dear, mayhaps you need to be reminded that it was not I that asked for anyone’s help with tearful pleas. By your own resolve, you are here now.”

Hey,” Wyll spoke up softly, failing to grasp their attention.

“But, Astarion, you knew we wouldn’t let you face Gandrel alone,” the bard unwaveringly replied. She pulled at the lengths of her dark ashen brown locks, winding them up into a messy hair bun. “Look,” she started with a hairpin in her mouth. “I’m only trying try to point out that not every Gur you meet is a horrible person to blame for what happened to you before you were turned. And that if we’re to get involved, it’s something to consider in the future.”

“Oh, please! Why defend those vagrant cutthroats? I think it’s only understandable that I do, in fact, get to blame them.” He hesitantly inched towards her as if she would crumble the very second he was within reach of her.

Tav rested her hand on the hilt of her blade sheathed at her side. She concentrated on his shallow breathing, watching his features alter several times. He was patently unnerved.

The pallored elf’s hands landed onto his hips. He leaned in towards her with barbs on his tongue. “Sending that hunter was a blatant message to show the power Cazador still has over me. Have you any real clue as to how strong he really is, Tav? The abilities he possesses? He could turn into mist, sneak into our camp in the dead of night, and strangle us all before we even opened our eyes.”

With a sudden jerk in her voice, she ground her boots into the mud to tower her posture. “Astarion, please—”

Astarion stepped further in, halting only feet away. Vexation and anguish masking his vision. He roughly pulled down the collar of his shirt, revealing his two jagged fang scars on the right side of his neck. Faded in color, but not in memory. “And if death isn’t enough—not to fret! You could be chosen to serve as his newest slave and live eternally as a meaningless vessel in the body you once knew,” he spat.

This was not the first time the womanly elf had laid her eyes on these scars—she saw them nearly everyday—but it was the first time watching him directly acknowledge them. Two petite bursts of whitish fireworks healed over. His master’s hallmark for legacy.

The intensity of his emotions viciously hid themselves in her heartstrings, like stubborn grit underneath fingernails. She placed a flat hand over her left breast. “Be-inway, Astarion. Be-inway, I hear you,” she quietly sing-songed.

He leaned back away from her, viewing her in one of his usual repertoire of reactions. “Would you reevaluate having that look broadcasted on your face when we disagree for once?! Those wretched huthammur. Gods below,” he blurted in frustration, glaring away from her eyes.

“Enough! Quell this before I kick both of you into the Chionthar river!” Wyll shouted abruptly. Fixing his stony eye on Tav, he moved in between them to act as a volunteer mediator. “You two quarrel more than bloody Shadowheart and Lae’zel.”

“What’s done is done,” he continued, the balm of his voice sweeping into the air. “If we are to believe Cazador hired this man, as Astarion said, then we need to believe that he knows our location. Our fanged friend is right: anything related to the vampire lord—short of himself—could strike at any moment. If the Gur’s death was indeed a mistake, then we’ll atone at the pyre during our final rites.”

“I always knew I could count on Wyll’s sensibility whilst you fiddle around with your own concerns,” the vampire fluffed out his hair, chiding Tav with a prissy titter.

Instead of her typical reactions caked in silence or offering challenges for him to consider, she simply spread out her arms to bow, catching his smug guise flipping into incredulity. “As you wish—your highness.”

“‘ey! Maybe we could save the melodrama for later?” Karlach horned in, breaking the subtle silence. She scratched the side of her cheek looking back and forth between all three of her companions suspended in pose. “Ethel’s teahouse isn’t far from here. She heard all the commotion and came to check it out. Said we are invited into her home as a reward for taking care of that monster hunter once you two were done bickering.”

Tav and Astarion sheepishly stared at each other past the warlock. Past the barbarian. Past their surroundings. Unmoving. Unblinking. Unorthodox beliefs in opposition gliding across paralleled strings.

He broke their quietude first. “I swear, if this demented crone only offers us tea and biscuits, I’m going to throw myself into the…urm, well, not the sun anymore. Anyways, shall we?” Astarion offered, extending his arm out in front of him, ushering Tav and Wyll along.

Tavelle, Tavelle, with her burnished battle symphonies surrounded by Astarion’s flags of scarlet, had taken another risk allowing herself to further interlock their lives together by having the stench of this stranger’s death on her hands. But, she knew it was for a reason she resonated with. A kindredness in once belonging to those that subjugated them with relational bonds affixing themselves as an addiction to the love and misery they provided.

So, why did she kill for Astarion?

Because she knew this would be the only chance he’d ever get to possibly escape for good.

⸺⋘✤⋙⸺

“Tav, keep singing! It’s working,” Wyll yelled at her, preparing an ‘Arms of Hadar’ conjugation. “Almost ready!”

The group had fought off the hag’s illusions until they were able to single out her monstrous corporeal form. As Mayrina bawled from a cage suspended over a fathomless pit, Tav combined a hasty doggerel alongside her ‘Vicious Mockery’ cantrip—adequately causing serious damage to the witch's ears.

It was the first time Astarion heard Tav’s voice since they entered Ethel’s residence. Clipped and off-kilter to her usual songs, he could sense she had dipped her thoughts into a place she would not allow any to follow by the unusual strum of her pulse.

♫Hey hag, what will you do? After we scorch that litter in your hair. Hey hag, have you any clue? Your illusions do not scare.

Hey hag, the bargains made, Around that brew you stir. Curses, scry, changing weather, Your end is on the way.

Hey hag, hey hag. Where’s your coven to save you? Hey hag, hey hag. It’s time to perish away.

Hey hag, hey hag. Hey hag, hey hag. It’s your end today. But, know that we gut you. Please know that, Please know that, we gut you.♫

Near the end of the last verse, Tav faltered; disrupted by the locusts of her ruminations, swarming to devour the fields of her concentration. The perfect momentum for the hag to take.

Auntie Ethel managed to steel her resolve long enough through the misstep to cast a bladed gust of wind, slicing open Tav’s forearm. She wheezily wailed at the bard, “You..rude…little…cunt!”

Thrown off balance, she fell to one knee, clutching her lute tightly.

Astarion ran to the ledge of the pit. He watched as Ethel started dragging her wart covered body in Tav’s direction. “Get up, damn you! Wyll, we’re going to need that spell!”

Karlach roared, charging forward. “YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU’RE GOING TO BURN!”

“Karlach, no! You and Astarion need to save Mayrina and the baby,” Tav commanded, lifting her head at them to heavily take in gulps of breath.

Hells, not this drab self-sacrificing shit again, he reprimanded inside his mind.

“You idiot! Have you noticed that you have acquired a rather nasty gash? One more distraction and the hag will have sliced bard for breakfast! That woman made her choice,” Astarion grumbled loudly over the wide chasm, pointing towards the cage. “She was going to trade her own—“

Tav willed herself to stand. He could see her blood surfacing on the wound causing a desperate pang in his stomach he fought back.

“I KNOW,” she hollered back, seemingly conflicted by her next choice of words. “Trust me—I know.” Her tone became a diffused strain, showcasing that compassion she carried on her sleeve. “We don’t have time to argue, but life can be fucked up Astarion and sometimes we make ignorant choices when we are suffering. She may not deserve it, but let her have a second chance to choose to do right.”

A second chance.

Second chances were not allowed where he once resided. Second chances were unforgivable acts considered an intentional rebellion against Cazador’s commandments. Second chances meant having a spawn’s mouth gagged with foul-tasting fruit until their cries for mercy ceased. Second chances were for the weak and imperfect.

Second chances didn’t exist for Astarion because first chances lacked possibilities and dreams.

And those ideals were more dangerous to his master than allowing his children to ever turn into full-fledged vampires.

But, he was not at the Crimson Palace. He was not under Cazador’s command. And he very much did not want to deal with the repercussions that impossible elven bard would administer should he refuse.

He deeply exhaled, turning his head to view the barbarian over his shoulder. “Fire girl?”

“Yea, fangs?”

“How much weight do you think you can lift with your axe?”

She knowingly smirked, “Enough to give a boost to a handsome vampire.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere with me,” he grinned coquettishly. A red gaze briskly found its way back in Tav’s direction as he removed a dagger from his hip. “Songbird, if you slump over, please remember: I told you so.”

Astarion heard her chuckling echoing off the cave's walls as he walked towards the tiefling. She angled her axe towards the ground, allowing him to secure his footing on the weapon’s steel.

“Any ideas on how you’ll get back down?”

He unbuckled the side of his chest armor and fumbled around inside a concealed pocket. “Ah, there we are! I was going to make trade with it—seeing as it looked fairly rare—but I can always borrow another one from Gale when the time comes.”

Karlach eyed the ‘Scroll of Dimension Door’ dangling betwixt his fingertips like a horse’s carrot. “You stole that from Gale? He’s going to be quite unhappy when he finds out.”

Astarion pursed his lips, shoving the scroll back into its cubby space. “Well, the only way he’ll find out is if you decide to tell him.” Crouching down slightly in preparation to jump, he fisted the hilt of his dagger with both hands. “Besides, it’s not as if Gale was going to use it anytime soon. The man seems to have taken up the hobby of hoarding all means of magical properties since he joined us. I can assure you, it won’t be missed.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Whatever you say, fangs. Ready?”

He nodded. “Do it.”

And up he flew as Karlach hurled him towards the cage with her oversized weapon, forcing the airflow upwards. Astarion shot through the moving air and shoved his blade into a thick branch fastened around the gargantuan bones making up the small prison. With a strong grip, he pulled himself up enough for his foot to gain traction on a piece of wooden board that served as a floor base in the cage.

He swung his body into the cage, bowing quickly at his waist. “Darling, your hero has arrived! Forgive me, but let’s not tarry, eh?”

Mayrina backed away from him in a fright. “Ah! Who are you? Go away!”

Astarion tutted in disbelief, wagging a finger at her. “Oh, no no no! I did not sign up this. We have to go—now!”

The woman held out the length of her arms while he steadily paced himself further into the cage. “Get back! Or I’ll…I’ll…”

“Or you’ll scream? You’ve already been gracing us with your screeching vocal chords in that regard,” the vampire sneered. “Now if you’ll pardon my ungentlemanly conduct, I am going to have to use force in this annoying rescue or else that bard down there will have my pretty head on her rapier.”

Sidestepping her, he deftly situated himself to cuff her wrists in one hand and artfully plucked the teleporting scroll from behind his armor. He recited the script written in a mystical hand while imagining a safe location close by. A bright hazy mist enveloped both him and Mayrina, as the scroll disintegrated into sparkling particles.

The flash and crackles of energy following their reappearance behind Karlach, was enough to distract the hag from her continued pursuit of Tav.

The songstress cried out, rapier postured to thrust forward, “Wyll, now!”

Black tentacles slithered around the warlock’s body, writhing to satisfy a dark and ancient hunger. Arcane circles surfaced around him in shades of seafoam green, matching the bright glow of the castor’s eyes. “Morē!”

The arms shot out, capturing Ethel in their grasp. Limb after limb: disjointed, pulled apart, and infected with necrosis. Until, her putrid body had been thoroughly feasted upon and fell with a vibrating rumble to the ground.

Wyll staggered back, resting against his quarterstaff. “It worked. She’s dead.”

Mayrina scurried around the edge of the bottomless hole, holding the heaviness of her stomach in tears. She fisted her golden coils when she reached Ethel’s deceased form. “What have you done?! You’ve ruined everything!”

Tav approached her cautiously, an unreadable gaze transfixed on the woman’s rotund stomach. Her sleeve had been torn during her incurred injury, tattered shreds hanging loosely off her arm. “No more bargains,” she flatly imparted.

“All I wanted was my husband—my Connor—back! I can’t bear to live without him,” she sobbed loudly, wet droplets streaming down her dirty face. “Ethel promised to raise my baby properly, but you’ve gone and—“

Astarion quietly trailed after Mayrina upon stealthy heels. When Tav’s frame came into view, he noticed chunks of her hair had fallen out of place, cemented to the sweat soaked nape of her neck. The sight of the clean cut on her arm, now bathed in her own blood, caused his mouth to ache.

But, what caught him off guard was her heart. If not for the faint swell of her chest when she inhaled a breath, he would have thought she were as dead as him: it was virtually muted in its beats.

The bard shook her head. “This was not your final option. You simply choose to ignore all the others out of desperation before settling on this one.”

Mayrina fell into Tav’s arms, clamoring for hope through a squeaky raw throat. “Help me! You must know someone. I’ll do anything! Please bring him back. Bring Connor back! His coffin is outside. We could leave now; it isn’t too late—“

She remained stone-faced as she allowed the pitiful human to twist her shirt. “Listen to me carefully because I will not repeat myself: this is the last time you can play so frivolously with life and death. Another miracle will not mysteriously save you from your decisions. We can help bury your husband, but that’s all.”

Tav untied a satchel filled with coin and held it out to her. “Take this. It’ll help get you back on your feet for a while. There’s shelters in Baldur’s Gate that help young mothers out—it may be worth it to consider seeking them out.”

Mayrina shoved herself away from the bard. “Didn’t you listen to a single word I said?! I want my husband back! You don’t know anything about what I’m going through right now or how much it hurts. I don’t need your damned money! If you can’t help me, then I’ll find someone that can.”

Swiftly drifting forward like a waterfowl skirting above the water to land, Tav roughly hooked the crook of her inner elbow. “You cannot forsake yourself or this babe. You must protect what is yours at all costs. Do you understand?” She assertively snarled. “Do not squander this opportunity, for you will not get another. Take the money and leave Mayrina. I will NOT say it again.”

Astarion had never witnessed such unconstrained passion in her eyes before. A swirling hurricane that pushed and pushed and pushed, until it was created out of her warm and calm reservoir. There were numerous personality quirks he had prescribed to the bard, but this withdrawn frigidity in her actions were ones he did not foresee.

Mayrina was in shock. Wide-eyed. Petrified. She made eye contact with Astarion, pleading with him out of swollen sockets to convince his partner to remove her grip.

“Darling, you’re bleeding,” the vampire mentioned gently, endeavoring to gain her notice towards the dripping deluge of blood from her forearm.

She did not respond, continuing to stare at Mayrina and the growth filling out her womb.

Protected by the lady of her heart lochs, her secrets were thrown far into the depths of her wading marrow. “You shall not know them,” she exclaimed, “Because they are wrought with uncontested sorrow.”

Until, a rush of trembling drums flooded behind her ribs and Astarion could hear each rhythmic clench of her valves opening and closing. Emotions refusing to still.

He squeezed her shoulder, articulating her full name in a low pitch. “Tavelle?”

Tav released Mayrina from her hold, looking at the pale elf from the side of her peripherals, not giving him her full attention. “Hmm? Yes, sorry. Astarion do you want to—?”

He nodded at her, lifting her forearm to his mouth to greedily review her cut. Heavenly puffs of air exited onto her skin as he sweetly plunged his tongue in between the broken flesh, tasting every drop of lush fluid. He languidly swiped his tongue in long strides up to her wrist, pressing chaste cool pecks in gratitude along the way.

But, Tav was completely despondent to him: never once wincing or flitting her view back in his direction. Never once blushing or rousing his name from her rosy lips. Never once politely asking him to stop the mania of his hunger for her blood.

Still, Astarion persistently licked, and licked, and licked at the wound that never did seem to close.

⸺⋘✤⋙⸺

The day ended with burying Mayrina’s husband in a shallow grave.

Tav’s nails caught the inside of Astarion’s wrist, lightly scratching translucent skin, as their two companions strode ahead to the camp nearby. He could hear the resounding ravines inside the bard’s arteries filling with a festering apprehension.

He turned to face her, drooping curls attacked by the humidity, following suit.

Her expression had returned to its usual state of demurred humbleness. The whites of her eyes were more luminous than the surface of the moon. Shiny and waning beneath gibbous lids. “Speak with me?”

It was almost difficult to believe that this was the same woman from earlier that held an unholy union between her indignation and goodwill. With her tongue as her sword and her weathervane perception, she professed her creeds uncovering a sliver of her inner self.

Yet, he could not outpace the pictured sight of her inanimate body pressed into his side as he succumbed to the metallic taste on her arm.

Where had she gone at that moment?

What had she been thinking about?

Who had she been thinking of?

The spawn arched a refined eyebrow, clearing his throat with uncertainty. “Yes?”

She crossed her damaged arm against her chest, casually holding onto the bicep of her other one, inspecting him under softened brown lashes. “What you did for Mayrina and her unborn baby today…I realize it may not have been something you’d typically do, but please know, I appreciate the kindness you demonstrated.”

“Kindness? No, no, my sweet. What I did was purely to avoid having to deal with another tiff between us—as we are so prone to do,” he commented with slight rebuff. “You know we may have condemned that child to unhappiness in relation to his mother’s catastrophic life, don’t you?”

Tav hummed, avoiding the garnets of his blistering gaze. He noticed her fingers digging into the upper portion of her arm uncomfortably.

“You didn't ask to speak with me privately to thank me, did you?” Astarion questioned, feeling a dip in his stomach.

“A part of me did,” she murmured delicately through guarded partially opened lips.

The rest of the words would not escape her mouth. Trapped in the netting of her lyrical throat. She blinked up at him, heartbeat soaring away. Finger pads now skimming to touch the forbidden area he had bitten, as if to remind her of what she needed to do.

He shook his head firmly. “No, Tav. Say it.”

The door to her was closing. Her melodies that beckoned dormant blooms to bend towards the moonlight, the source of his aegis and crimson nourishment, would soon be gone. And he was still miles away from her doorway, slashing through the abstracts of their pasts.

He felt ill.

Tenderly, she laced the ends of her finger joints with his without accord. Her ardor blanketing his undead chill: a solace and a curse.

Astarion refused to suffer for her sympathies or careful considerations. For her fucking tears now veiling her eyes. For the pity she would shower him with, again and again and again.

“Say it.”

The sun setting from the west, wove together golds and purples to cast upon their silhouettes as a final goodbye. A dying day for their last sighs.

And then, her fingers slipped back out of his hand.

“Astarion, I don’t think we should be distracted anymore. Whatever this was between us—I want it to end.”

⸺⋘✤⋙⸺

Notes:

Elvish Words

Tav: Be-inway = wake

Astarion: Huthammur = storm clouds

[eiressofinspirationwrites]

Of Heaven and Hell - Traitorous Heart

Pairing: Crowley x Female OC/Reader x Aziraphale

Word Count: 1381

Warning: Spoilers ahead for Good Omens Season 2 Episode 6.

Description: Aziraphale makes a decision that will change the lives of the ones he loves most.

Note: This fic is written from the second person POV but features a female Half-Demon/Half-Angel OC of mine from this one-shot I wrote several years ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Aziraphale!" The angel heard the voice of his partner before they burst through the doors of the bookshop.

"Lia, you're alright," Aziraphale breathed a sigh of relief seeing you already up and around after the injury you'd sustained during the demon's attack on the bookshop. Crowley had whisked you away to the home the three of you shared a few blocks over the second the demons were gone. You'd been in dire need of healing and rest you wouldn't have gotten in the chaos surrounding Gabriel and Beezelbub's revealed tryst. You of course had insisted Crowley return to Aziraphale's side the second you were patched up, "I have the most wonderful news."

"Zira," the crack in your voice made Aziraphale's heart stutter. He hadn't heard that sound from you in decades not since... no he couldn't bare to dredge up that memory, "Please don't do this."

Aziraphale realized Crowley must have already told you what happened between them. 

"You can come with me," Aziraphale took a step towards you, and his face momentarily crumpled when you fell back a step in response and he saw the tears threatening to spill down your face, "The Metatron promised things would be different with me in charge. He told me that Crowley would be welcomed back and you would be permitted entry. We just have to convince Crowley-" 

"You honestly believe that after everything the angels have put me through, put us through they'd just let a demon and a hybrid monstrosity walk right into their ranks with open arms?" you spat, every ounce of disdain and disgust you held against Heaven dripped from your voice like acid, "Do you not remember what they did to me? How they experimented on me? How they fucking hunted me like an animal for centuries because my parents were an angel and a demon? How they hunted and hated a child simply for being born?"

"It will be different now," Aziraphale's eyes pleaded with you, "I'll make things different." 

"You honestly believe you can change a system that has quite literally been like this since the dawn of time?" Aziraphale hated the look in your eyes. The doubt and pain in them was a knife in his chest, "Zi, Crowley was cast out simply for asking questions. What makes you think they will welcome me into their sterile white paradise? I'm an abomination, remember? I'm below the demons in Heaven's hierarchy of trash."

"Please, Azalia," Aziraphale stepped forward to take your hands in his, and this time you let him, "I know they have hurt you. I was the one that pulled you out of that prison the angels locked you up in to do those experiments. I helped Crowley nurse you back to health. I may not have loved you as long as Crowley has but I love you just as much. You know that. Please tell me you know that." 

"I do," you nodded.

"Good," Aziraphale brought a hand up to wipe away the tears now running freely down your cheeks. A small smile graced his lips as you leaned into his touch, your eyes closed, "I wouldn't have proposed this if I thought for a second they would hurt you. I will never let them lay a hand on you in Heaven."

"They don't have to lay a hand on me to hurt me," you whispered and opened your eyes to meet his, "Please, Aziraphale. We've worked so hard for the life we've made here. Why do you want to give it up? We're free here. Finally free after centuries of hiding who we are. In Heaven, there will be rules and expectations even you can't change."

"Azalia," Azirphale started but you cut him off. 

"I know you believe in Heaven. That you believe they can change," you took the hand he held to your face in yours and squeezed it gently as you lowered it, "I wish I could believe in that as much as you do."

"Lia," it was Aziraphale's turn for his voice to crack, "Don't do this. I can't lose you, too." 

"I'm sorry Aziraphale," you let your hands fall from his and began to back away, "I love you so much, but if you go back to Heaven... I can't go with you. Not after everything they've put all of us through. Not just me but you and Crowley. I know you can't see it yet, but Heaven has victimized you, too, and I can't forgive any of it."

Aziraphale was speechless as he watched you turn your back on him and walk for the door just like Crowley had. Hope fluttered in his chest as you paused upon the threshold of the shop. 

"If you change your mind about all of this madness with Heaven," you didn't so much as turn your head as you spoke instead keeping your eyes fixed on the door as you held it, "You know where to find us."  

Not me. Us. 

As you pushed your way out of the bookshop and disappeared into the morning crowds, it hit Aziraphale that he'd lost both of you. You and Crowley chose Earth and each other over him. If the Metatron hadn't walked in seconds after the doors swung shut on your departure, Aziraphale would have fallen apart. He still might. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As you walked away from the bookshop and your partner inside, it felt like you were being burned alive from the inside out by holy water and hellfire all over again. That had nearly killed you nearly 5 decades ago. This might as well. 

You might have fallen apart in the middle of the street if you hadn't found your other partner waiting down the block from the shop by his car. The second you were within arms reach of Crowley, he opened his arms to you. 

A sob escaped your lips as you buried your face into his chest. The familiar scent of him was an immediate comfort as he wrapped his arms around you and rubbed circles on your back. 

"I'm sorry, love," Crowley muttered into your hair before he rested his chin atop your head. He wasn't usually one for public displays of affection but today he made the exception. 

"I tried," you whimpered, your face still buried in his shirt. 

"I knew you would," you could hear the sad smile in Crowley's words. 

Neither of you said anything more or moved for several minutes. Not until you felt Crowley tense. 

You turned away from Crowley enough to face back towards the bookshop but your partner kept you tucked close under his arm. Your heart skipped a beat as you saw Aziraphale exiting the bookshop with the Metatron. 

Aziraphale hesitated by the doors of the lift that would take him back to Heaven. Both you and Crowley held your breath as the angel you both loved so passionately stood on the threshold of a decision that would change your lives forever. If the thoughts of two people alone had the power to change the will of another, Aziraphale never would have taken that final step away from his partners.

"Let's go home," Crowley whispered after the doors to Heaven closed on the pair of angels. 

He was the first to move and ushered you around the Bentley towards the passenger side. He kept his arm around you as he opened the door and only broke contact when you were seated inside the car. 

Your thoughts drifted away from the Bentley as Crowley started the car and pulled away into the street to drive to the home you had once shared with the two loves of your life. 

Now where it had once been three it would only be two hearts in that home. 

You wanted to hate Aziraphale for forcing you to choose like this. You wanted to hate him for being blinded by Heaven and not seeing the truth in why you and Crowley couldn't go. You wanted to hate him for leaving both of you. You wanted to hate him for it all so badly but your traitorous heart wouldn't let you.

You'd loved the Angel of the Eastern Gate so much and for so long it wasn't likely the hurt of today would dim that any time soon.

[shadykazama]

Matchup exchange~

For BG3, MHA, and JJK with @rav--en / @frostfall-matches !

The results are in! And I match you with-

BG3 Astarion~

❤ [Astarion largely embodies what you like in people] He quite literally has some bite to him! Teasing and banter are second nature to our resident vampire, and no one is safe from his rather catty attitude. At every point in your journey, the two of you would be laughing and poking fun; you're at each other's necks- not so figuratively in his case. He's quickly impressed by your risk taking and eggs it on; he hasn't had this much fun in centuries! The two of you would be a chaotic force of nature, taking Faerun by storm.

❤ [You’re both independent.] He has independence for the first time in hundreds of years and is gripping it tight, even though he doesn't quite know what it means anymore; your fiercely independent attitude is just the push he needs to embrace his new life, free from Cazador. Though it may seem at first like he's dependent on you, flirting and seducing you just to secure his own safety, Astarion ultimately makes all of his own decisions. He's struggling with how to regain his independence while also being entirely dependent on the astral prism to keep him alive- but you're a good example. You show him through your actions how easy it is to impose your own will. Watching him grow and express his boundaries is a feat; he changed because of you, but not for you.

❤ [You guys bring out the best in one another… and the worst.] The two of you are playful at best and absolute menaces at worst. The fact of the matter is, you're both chaos junkies, and would endorse each other's bad behavior. Astarion would adore you for this! But I'm sure the rest of Faerun would have their grievances… A bard and a rogue are tough to beat though. Astarion wants those boots the merchant is selling? You're already doing the most to distract them with your extravagant words and music while he robs them blind~ I quiver to think what the two of you would do to someone who annoys you.

❤ [You make him feel safe.] Astarion has a fake persona that he puts on to protect himself. He's flirty and sultry and has a strong noble laugh, he's desirable- but it's all fake. He simply makes himself what others want to ensure they won't dispose of him. This would certainly annoy you at first, to some degree, but after the first time you see the real him, it'd become a challenge to keep bringing that part out. You, more than anyone, see his real laugh, his real smile. You see how his face crinkles and how he throws his head back when you tell a bad joke. He calls you a clown, but it has no malice behind it. He hasn't felt this safe in gods know how long.

❤ [He would take you on artsy dates.] Once you're free of the tadpole, the two of you are restricted only by the sun (assuming you don't ascend him). One of the first things he does is get a portrait done of the two of you. You're sat cozily, your space lit by candles or the luminous flora of the underdark. You would have your favorite coffee and laugh and chat all whilst an artist carefully immortalizes you on a canvas. He wouldn't mind, of course, if you painted him either. He hasn't seen his reflection for so long that he doesn't even remember what his eyes used to look like. There certainly is something profoundly intimate about seeing yourself through someone else's eyes... Besides that, he would like to read to you as well, on those days when you just don't feel like getting up. Elves don't sleep, but your presence and the soft melody of his words would lull the two of you into a tranquil state.

❤ [Astarion is not your knight in shining armor!] He knows full well how capable you are of handling yourself and will simply enjoy the show should you ever land in trouble. He may join in, if only for the chance to slice some necks and have some fun, but he's never under the impression that he's doing you a favor. For centuries he prayed someone would come to his aid, and no one did; he knows what it means to be tough enough to handle things without help, and likely harbors a similar distaste for unprovoked assistance. This doesn't mean he'll never have your back; he'll be very vocal if he's ever truly worried about something being sketchy!

MHA Hawks/Keigo Takami~

For this particular matchup, I envisioned you as a vigilante! I for one, know the hero system in MHA is very flawed and I see you doing your own thing as a more chaotic/good rogue hero.

💛 [This cat and mouse game never gets old.] You're independent, free as a bird- ironically enough, and Keigo is trapped under the thumb of the hero commission. He knows that hero society is broken and he strives to make it better despite his limitations. Perhaps that's why he never turned you in. It's not like he couldn't, but there was something about you that elicited envy in him. You were everything he wanted to be, making changes, true to yourself, free. So would ensue the long game of cat and mouse… He would find you every now and then, and the two of you would throw flirty banter back and forth until he had to inevitably leave. It would take awhile, but he'd eventually tell you the reason he never captured you. “But keep it a secret, yeah? The image of a caged bird isn't good for a hero like me.”

💛 [Your hearts are mirrored.] You and Keigo have the same love languages with physical touch and gift giving. He's constantly thinking, and you're constantly in the back of his mind. It Isn't uncommon for him to show up with something pretty or your favorite snack that he just happened to pass by. He would absolutely melt if you gave him something homemade! The effort and thought you'd have to put into something like that is proof enough that he's special to you, and he'd cherish that thought- and whatever you gave him~

💛 [He can't go crazy, but expect spontaneity.] Before you're properly together, he would be limited to when or how he could see you. Regardless of how much he liked you, there was simply no way for him to stay in contact without exposing you to the hero commission, which is the last thing he wanted. So, he got creative… Thanks to his superbly observant personality, he's able to figure out how you're locating villains/baddies; he uses this information to trick you into meeting him somewhere. Albeit, not the most honest way of getting what he wants, but he's sure he'll get brownie points for the spontaneity. He wouldn't want to hinder your work though, so after that, the two of you make up a different but still secret way of meeting.

💛 [There's nothing quite like flying.] Let him take you to the sky. Is it cliche? Sure, but it's the most free he ever feels. It's all worth it to see you smile in wonder or scream when he pretends to drop you… He wants you to feel safe with him though, so he won't do that too often. ;) This can be a common occurrence- he'd like it if it was, but he'd understand if you just don't like it. Heights aren't for everyone! But, if you do like it, he'll make sure to remember to lend you his goggles so the wind doesn't get in your eyes. He could easily buy you your own, but come on, you look so cute with his on why would he? <3

💛 [Too quick for his own good.] You don't need a hero, and he chronically kind of just does what he wants. His quickness would cause some annoyance on your end, since he doesn't wait for you to ask for help to step in. A majority of the time it's not because he thinks you need help, he just goes too fast while he's working. He didn't get where he is at his age by waiting for anyone else. It would be easy to see it as him looking down on you, thinking you're not good enough to do it on your own- but catch him once and give him a piece of your mind! As much as I'd like to say he'd think twice after that, and immediately respect your words- that's simply not Keigo. “Get it done faster and I wouldn't have to help you, how 'bout that?” Unfortunately, Keigo doesn't care if it annoys you, and has a very roundabout way of pushing you to do better. It's all for your benefit though, since he does end up seeing improvement in your work- if for no other reason than to shove it in his face that you don't need his help…

💛 [He's not clingy.] Your space and independence is important to you, and it's important to him too, especially once he's free of the hero commission. His dream was always to make a world where heroes could sit back and be lazy, but unfortunately it's just not that day yet. You'll have ample time to yourself, Keigo is a busy man! Trust, as often as he bothers you, he's giving you twice as much space just because of how busy he is.

💛 [Don't threaten him with a good time.] Dates with keigo would be intimate. As often as he's in the public eye, when he gets the chance, all he'll want is to be alone with you. The tops of buildings are easy enough for him to get to- or your house. Order in food, make some with him, sit and watch TV or show him your favorite games. He would adore any moment of silence, away from scrutiny of expectations and just enjoy your company. The best days for him are sleeping in, the two of you wrapped in his wings as he avoids the world. He'll make you breakfast, cuddle you, distract you- anything to stay longer in the safe haven that is your home.

💛 [Hold him close.] “Keigo. Call me Keigo.” You're one of the first people he tells and his heart just about drops out of his chest when the words leave his mouth. It's dangerous for anyone to know, but it's all he wanted… for you to say his name. He doesn't make a big deal out of it, laughing it off as he usually does with things like that, but just hearing you call him by his name makes it all worth the risk. After the final fight with All for One, it's you he finds at his side in the hospital and he gives you the biggest grin he can muster at the time. He'll tease you as he recovers, ask if you cried for him- acting hurt if you say no, and smug if you say yes. There's no winning with him, but truly, he's more free now than he's ever been.

JJK Satoru Gojo~

💙 [‘The bane of my existence and the object of all my desires.’] Oh boy. What a duo you two would make. More than anyone, Satoru is impossible to banter with- or more so it's impossible to get under his skin. You could, and I'd expect would, still tease and berate him, but expect it to be a challenge to get a real reaction out of him. You'd be his favorite person to mess with as well, simply for how fiery you are, and Satoru can be a real menace... He, just like you, loves reactions. In fact, besides the overarching challenge the two of you have with one another, you basically have the same sense of humor. He was robbed of his childhood, and finds it difficult to find people who can keep up with his enthusiasm and energy- so your attitude is just perfect. Someone his age that he can be silly and relaxed with!

💙 [Opposite polarities always attract.] Satoru is definitely the extrovert that runs around adopting introverts, and you were no different. Considering you're his favorite person, expect to be dragged along to just about everything he does- or at the very least be told about everything he does. If your social battery just can't handle it, he'll settle for bringing you back souvenirs in the form of little gifts or snacks from wherever he goes… though he'd much rather you just come along. He's not stupid though, he knows just how to press your buttons so that you don't blow up in an introverted rage.

💙 [Your independence is safe and secure.] Satoru is clingy, for sure, and perhaps too enthusiastic to drag you around for his own good- but you're not in any danger of him doing everything for you. As a Jujutsu sorcerer, you'll have tough jobs every now and then, and though Satoru could easily handle them for you, he lets you do it. He's a teacher after all! He's used to letting his students handle curses on their own, he'd have no trouble giving the same opportunities to you. Forewarning, if you get your ass kicked, he'll never let you live it down. <3

💙 [Rich man's privilege.] Dates will be the most over the top unnecessarily expensive things ever. He wants to experience the world; he has dreams and hopes of his own- he just has someone to share that with now. Art exhibits, thrilling theme parks, exquisite restaurants, risky adrenaline chasing, the works!! He wants to show it all to you. You want to travel? Say the word, he's got tickets and a hotel booked already. He's looking at tourist spots and picking out restaurants. He's fortunate enough to be able to give you anything you could ever want, and all he'd ask in return is to just share it with him.

💙 [Satoru Gojo is kind of an ass.] In the most respectful way possible, this guy is an unhinged childish piece of work. He knows you're bad with directions and will not correct you if you're going the wrong way just so he can waste more time being around you. He laughs at you when you trip, but will always help patch you up. He teases you with his height and his infinity technique to annoy you. More than anything, he does all of this because he refuses to be anyone else but Satoru Gojo. He won't pretend he doesn't have a mean and dumb sense of humor just to make you happy- he's just impressed you stayed with him anyways.

💙 [Screw those old geezers!] You and Satoru have more in common than either of you first thought; both of you don't like being told what to do, and go against the elder sorcerers’ demands. If you ever landed yourself in trouble because of this attitude, you can bet your bottom dollar that Satoru will be there to back you up. He does it to help of course, but if you ever ask he'll just say he did it to spite those old geezers. He abuses the fact that he's too important and powerful to really oppose. The council has started to avoid you because they know Satoru is always lurking around the corner, waiting for an opportunity to undermine them.

That's it! I hope you liked your matches! I considered Shadowheart and Minthara as potential choices for your BG3 match but decided against it. Shadowheart would match you bar for bar in sass, independence, and banter- but she wouldn't appreciate your risky streak and tends to disapprove of needless chaos. Minthara, the queen of banter imo, just seems too uptight for you!

Also, not sure if it's obvious but I definitely struggled the most with Astarion's. It's mostly because you can romance him in game so a lot of the things I could put were rather obvious. 😅

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.54 Flames...literally

Though I didn't own much, downsizing my life turned out to be much harder than I anticipated. I could only take a few pictures and had to decide what items from my desk and dresser I could part with and leave behind. How many skin care products and colognes did one man need? In the grand scheme of things, the decision was like splitting hairs but still quite difficult to make. I had a routine, and those things were part of that routine. Living somewhere else was one thing, but upsetting the routine was a different flavor of cow's milk. But I eventually made my selections and arrived back home before Sophia. Unfortunately, I didn't make it back in time to implement my secret plan, and she walked in on me scrambling.

Even in her work uniform, she took my breath away, though she looked kind of tired. She sniffed the air and said something smelled good. Since the cat was out of the bag, I went ahead and explained.

"Hi! Uhh...So like, I know it's super early, and no one has dinner at 3:00, but I wanted to do something special and have a meal ready for you."

She flashed that beautiful smile that always tore me into pieces and sat at the table.

"Awwwww! That's so sweet! I'm so tired I can only dream of eating right now," she said. "I'm sorry. Does that ruin your plan?"

"Not at all! I just got started like ten minutes ago, so that's perfect. Get some rest. I'll be done by the time you wake up."

Her kiss on my forehead left a tender warmth on my skin as she disappeared into the bedroom to nap. I resumed preparing our dinner and couldn't help but feel a surge of joy coursing through me. The thought of being able to see her beautiful face every day, to support her in any way possible, filled my soul with an overwhelming sense of happiness, so much so I almost forgot why exactly I feared this for so long. Almost. A few concerns still lingered in the back of my mind. Moving in happened so randomly and haphazardly. I wouldn't blame anyone for questioning my judgment because the whole situation was absolutely insane. But through it all, I took solace in the fact that I was not alone. Sophia and I were in this together, ready to tackle the challenges that lay ahead.

I expected her nap to last longer, but she woke up and I was still not finished with dinner. Her shower bought me a few more minutes, and by the time she came out and sat with me, I was in the home stretch. When I inquired about her day, she described it as exhausting. Apparently, the change in season always caused an influx of patients, and they were short staffed, so she had to do three times the work.

I don't know if I was too into her story or what, but I definitely was not paying attention to my task. Suddenly, a huge flame shot up from the pan, and I ducked.

I thought about Maira and how quickly that situation escalated. My face was still pretty hot as I shielded myself, and I was afraid I had lost my eyebrows.

Sophia dashed to me.

"Luca! Are you okay? What happened?"

"Are my eyebrows okay??"

She covered her mouth to stifle a giggle.

"Your eyebrows are intact, babe."

"Thank Watcher."

I turned back to the stove to continue cooking—more carefully that time.

"You know," she began,"...when you said I could get meal service, I thought that meant you could actually cook."

"My hand slipped!! I added a splash too much sauce. It's fine. You'll see."

"Mmm hmm."

She teased me about my cooking skills and fearing for her safety. We laughed and joked our way through completion, and it felt so good. It felt right, and I filed that moment away for when the doubt and fear reared its ugly head again.

As I placed the food on the table, I noticed I instinctively made a vegetarian meal. That's when it occurred to me I never asked if she had any dietary restrictions or concerns.

"I should have asked sooner, but is there anything you don't eat?"

"Oh, yeah," she said. "Thanks for asking. I'm lactose intolerant."

Great. I went from one restricted household to an equally restricted household. At least she ate meat. But no milk? That would be tricky.

The food had disappeared from our plates a while ago, but we were still sitting at the table, talking and laughing. I loved how we could discuss literally everything. True, there were still things we didn't know about each other, but we were past that initial getting to know you phase where every hang out turned into a game of Twenty Questions.

"I was just thinking about how you used to complain about your mom waking you up to cook breakfast," she said. "Look at you now!"

I think I blushed. I could only imagine what she must have thought of me in the early days of my young adult life.

"You remember that? You must have thought I was a spoiled brat or something."

"I may have rolled my eyes."

"I'm so glad I ran into you that day."

"Me too."

[transmasc-tabris]

Introduce this mystery OC! I wanna meet them :)

Hey sorry for sitting on this for literal days I have no excuse besides the fear of being cringe. Stupid since I clearly decided to be cringe anyway.

Since the two who've taken over my brain most are two of the potential Rooks I've planned, and I saw a 'meet your rook' tag on a few posts, I'll answer it in that format.

Also putting the rest under a cut because this is really long and disjointed and rambly and includes a shitty drawing

Anyway, since he's the first one I'm going to play since I'm incredibly basic and starting as an elf whenever I play a fantasy RPG is basically tradition at this point

No, I don't know what compelled me to draw him looking like a court from aliexpress but it's all I've got.

Name: Issala Laidir

Nickname/Alias (besides Rook of course): 'Quiet', 'Crooked Fingers'

Pronouns: he/him

Lineage: Elf (born Dalish but doesn't consider himself that)

Faction: Lords of Fortune

Class: Rogue (saboteur)

Potential Romance: Neve is most likely

Potential Friendships: Davrin and Bellara (obviously others are possible too but those are the ones I've spun little scenarios in my head about. I've been trying not to think toooo much about the upcoming companions so I don't develop wildly inaccurate images of them and get disappointed)

Potential Rivalries: Lucanis. (I like him well enough but I keep thinking about an early game choice that was spoiled and this Rooks most likely route in that scenario wouldn't sit well with him)

Also putting Solas down for this since while I think they'd end up on at least alright terms with each other, I really don't think they'd start on good terms, though I obviously don't have a plan for for things would turn out.

Scars/Tattoos: Well, obviously there's the giant burn on half his face (and extending to his ear, hence the little gold thing) (people think it's from a mishap with either explosives or poisons since he uses both and often tries and fails to diy new types. it's not but he lets people think it is), and along with that there are quite a few others on the rest of his body (some of which are from explosions or poisons), including some rather significant ones on his stomach (from other events). I mulled over whether or not he'd use tattoos to cover or at least distract from his scars, but in the end I decided that he wouldn't let anyone close enough for long enough to do that, and as far as his face is concerned, he'd rather just deal with it as it is than possibly be mistaken for Dalish.

(note - that's not out of some intense dislike or dismissal of the Dalish people. More that he barely remembers having been part of a clan (not that he remembers much of his life all that well before like age 13 - totally didn't give him that because something something slapping my own issues onto a made up guy) and by the time he has much agency and ability to consider where he wanted to go in life, he felt that it was too late to try to connect with that part of where he'd come from, that he'd gotten by without it for over twenty years and could just keep on that way. looking forward to figuring out how his feelings on that might change)

Oh and the ones on the opposite side of his face. Bar fight, because of course he'd do that. And of course it would have started with him standing up for a woman he was into. She really didn't need defending but appreciated him trying. Then he got someone close to her killed, they broke up and she took the kids (mutually agreed as the best decision). Good times all around.

Notable appearance details:

Large hat and either long sleeves or some other sort of arm covering, at least whenever he's out during the day.

Two gold teeth - gold because lords of fortune aesthetic. Made as replacements after the woman in the already mentioned bar fight punched him in the face.

I tried my best to draw it but not sure how well it came across, but curly hair.

Blue scarf - a gift from that same woman. He definitely keeps it for practical reasons she didn't change the trajectory of his life or anything.

That jar was supposed to have a beetle or similar bug in it but I am very very much not skilled enough to depict that. He likes bugs. They're just interesting little creatures.

Stupid tall boots.

Unseen - a little pouch of ashes in his pocket

I gave him a trait I generally like giving characters, which is that he, for lack of a better way to say, looks like he doesn't know how to have a face. Like every expression he makes is... not necessarily creepy but always a little stilted awkward and generally just a bit off

Anything else to share: Overall, I know he's not the best or most interesting or original character but I like him and am looking forward to bringing him to life.

I imagine him starting out as pretty jaded and apathetic, like he doesn't see the point of getting involved in anything bigger than himself or in thinking of the future, since he tried that before (when he was younger and a lot more idealistic) and it went absolutely to shit and that was kind of because of him over estimating both his skills and what he could handle mentally. So, it'll be fun to figure out how he handles having to be part of something much bigger than himself.

Oh, forgot to explain his name. It was given to him by a vashoth mage who saved him from Some Absolute Shit when he was young. At the time he was too injured to tell her his name, but she didn't want to just call him 'elf' or something like that, so she just chose the first thing that seemed appropriate, and even when he tried to choose a different name nothing felt quite right, so it stuck.

Okay uh, doubt anyone is still reading at this point but Rook 2. Just using a picrew since I don't have a drawing of her at this point.

Name: Anaan Mercar

Nickname/Alias (besides Rook): Sunny/Sunshine

Pronouns: She/Her

Lineage: Qunari (Vashoth)

Faction: Shadow Dragons

Class: Mage (continually torn between evoker and death caller)

Potential Romance: Davrin

Potential Friendships: Neve, Emmrich (again, obviously others as well. I think Taash might be a good possibility but it's hard to say right now)

Potential Rivalries: Again, Lucanis, for similar reasons.

Also again Solas, but I feel like it would be more intense with her and might take her longer to be at least grudgingly okay with him.

Scars/Tattoos: Snake tattoo over her left collarbone. Not some big story behind it she just thought it might look cool. And since she did do blood magic in her youth (I go back and forth on whether she'd have given it up by now or she'd view it as a tool like anything else - one not a lot of people have the competency to use and that can easily go wrong, but still) and the blood magic cutscenes in da2 stuck with me, there are a fair number of scars on her forearms for blood magic reasons.

Notable Appearance Details:

She is Always. in a dress.

Dramatic red lipstick.

Do I know 100% if curly hair is canonically something qunari can have? No. Is it still oddly important to me that she has curly hair? Yes.

Glasses (in my mind they're square)

Horns cut mostly off, the bits that are left capped with silver.

Always wearing some sort of silver jewelry, usually earrings or a bracelet.

Anything Else to Share:

Sees little distinction between her self and what she considers her purpose in life - can't think of a better way to put that, hoping it makes sense

Very much the sort to put on a happy or at least contented face no matter what she's feeling. In part that's just her putting whatever needs to be done first and just generally putting others before herself, but I also keep thinking about what growing up in a place where people would look at her and see a member of the race their nation is at perpetual war with and just how... she's never been able to blend in (the only way you don't stand out as a seven foot tall woman with very broad shoulders is if most people around you look like that) and I think it would dawn on her rather early that most people (to an extent even including her human family, not going into them much though right now since my brain feels like mud) view her, whether they'll say it or they even realize it, as inherently threatening, so I imagine her being constantly aware of how she comes off to people, very conscious and careful of her appearance and actions, and I keep picturing her as having this air of vague sadness. I already imagine she'd be able to drop that most easily and quickly around Neve, and underneath it she's generally very caring and will talk nonstop for hours if you let her.

Okay I'm sorry I typed all that.

Oh, might as well add that her name is the one her biological parents gave her (damn, way to set your kid up for success I guess), but officially her name is still the one her human family gave her, she just never uses it and would mostly rather forget it

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 176

Chapter 176: "We're Home!"

The long awaited hug! It's so heartwarming it almost makes you forget about Emma tossing her weapon aside, which later becomes an unfortunate consequence, but we'll worry about that later and do our best to focus on these precious kid's happy faces.

I'm pretty glad their reunion is one of the only things to get animated from this chapter.

Of course one of the downsides to the anime not including everything is us missing out on Phil's reaction to seeing everyone else. The rest of the kids just sorta show up all in one place in the second season but the manga makes the many reunions feel more personal, especially with him learning that Norman was never killed.

Phil reflects on how hard the past couple years have been for him while keeping the farm's secret and feeling isolated from the other children due to knowing it and if there's anyone who can understand his pain, it's Ray, as he suffered the same cruel experience so the fact the two of them can share this hug (and head pat) is so sweet, it can bring me to tears. These boys deserved so much better! No more sadness allowed for either of them til the end of time!

I'm very happy Sherry get her own moment with Norman too. Their friendship is so adorable. She's undoubtedly his biggest fan.

Look how relieved and happy Isabella is to finally be done with all the lying and fighting. That smile of hers is so pretty, she wants nothing more than to care for her children like a real mother should and damn it y'all, I wish she could've got that chance alongside all the other moms and sisters!

This quote (that continues into the panels after this page) is probably my favorite from Emma. I know I've said it a lot, about how amazing Emma is to be so optimistic while being surrounded by this world's many various threats that constantly want her dead, but finally being able to see her achieve all her goals while staying true to herself is something I'll always be proud of her for. No matter all the difficulties she faced, whether it was losing someone dear to her, sustaining serious injuries or making life changing decisions, she kept on fighting to secure a better future for her family. Of course she had some moments of weakness to process everything going on around her and to keep her emotions in check, but not once did she ever quit pursuing that bright dream of hers.

The children have all fought through so much together and had their own personal struggles, so seeing them all smile and break out into tears is definitely one of the best moments of the series. They all deserve this victory and a moment to be excited about their freedom.

Sigh, rest in peace to all those we lost along the way! I may not remember all their names aside from Yuugo, Lucas, Conny, Olivia & Michelle, but having Emma think of everyone again proves just how important they all were to to, even if we, as readers, didn't get to see them often enough throughout the story.

Yeah, that brief moment the kiddos had to relax? All gone, thanks to this bastard! If anyone desired to know which character I hate most, it's this damn demon. I don't wanna talk about it but the reason is literally unavoidable in this chapter and to this day I'm still crushed that it happens.

Glad you finally realized your own mistake, honey, but ya gotta be quicker than that! These poor children though, living just a normal life at the orphanage one moment and then running scared for their lives because of this demon the next.

I'm so damn proud that Ray managed to stay alert despite all the reunions and how his protective nature gets kicked into high gear to try and stop that bastard from harming Emma and the girl she's rushing to save.

The look on Ray's face (& everyone else's) makes me wanna scream. I don't wanna imagine this scene getting animated (& I'm so incredibly thankful it wasn't) but I can just hear the couple of shots Ray fired off, the complete silence that follows as the kids stand by completely speechless due to the sight in front of them as an occasional drop of blood drips off the demon's claw as Emma slowly looks up and... aahhh fuck.

The way I fell in love with this woman just a handful of chapters ago to now be on the verge of losing her, just.. FUCK! I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I will always hate it. I will always hate this demon. I will always hate how this chapter was released on Mother's Day. The timing could not have been any worse and I'll never not be completely devastated by this moment!

Favorite panel/moment:

I desperately need some happiness right now and this panel is the perfect way to achieve it. Writing out the next chapter is absolutely gonna put me through emotional hell. again.

[sugurushimura]

May I ask why you headcanon Midou as a trans woman? I always headcanonned Higuchi as trans out of all the Yotsubas (FtM though, not MtF) and I'd really like to hear your reasoning!

oh man, this is one of those headcanons that i've had for so long that it's kind of just cemented itself in my brain... the idea was actually my boyfriend @teethrotter's first, so what initially sparked it lies in his mind alone. i'm not sure if he even told me anything specifically other than "hey, i think it'd be neat if mido was a trans woman" so we tried it out for a while and it just stuck... i'm not sure when exactly that was, maybe 2016 or 2017? over 5 years for sure.

by this point, it's not even a decision i actively make, i just see mido and she registers immediately as a woman with my brain. seeing her he/him'd in canon feels wrong... although i am obviously not arguing that trans mido is even vaguely implied, she's just such a minor character that headcanoning her as a closeted trans woman doesn't change literally anything.

the headcanon does play into my own interpretation of mido pretty heavily, and it works well with how i perceive her canon personality. imo, mido is someone who is very resigned with her life. she was born into a high-status family that placed a lot of weight on her shoulders wrt being a Good Member Of Society. she went to an elite college, got a law degree, and went on to become a bigwig at the yotsuba group. she clearly excels at her job, but according to htr, she actually hates the division she works in. she's well-liked amongst her colleagues -- better than any of them except ooi, in fact -- but in turn seems to like very few of them. her social skills are quite good, but she seems... disengaged, to say the least, at the model party.

pretty much every facet of mido's life, except her fencing hobby, is spent doing things she hates and interacting with people that she dislikes. and yet she shows absolutely no signs that she's interested in changing it -- hell, she doesn't even bother speaking out against the kira murders, which seem to weigh on her conscience. of course, there's a real threat of death if she does that, but it isn't as if she simply abstains from the meetings; she's an incredibly active participant!

all this plays into the greater feeling that mido is resigned to her own misery even when she really doesn't have to be. i think she developed this tendency mainly because of her family, but eventually it became such a habit that to change now feels to her like she'd have wasted all that pain and effort. sunk-cost fallacy, you know? at times, too, i think she's prone to romanticizing her own pain in a sort of "oh, woe is me, i'm such a dutiful son and such a productive member of society, look at how much i've sacrificed for the sake of the status quo, how tragic am i..."

her gender identity, too, is a reflection of that. gender is such a fundamental part of how we perceive ourselves and others; i think it ties everything together to have mido, who is really and truly a woman, lock it up inside herself and just go along with the way she was raised to present because, even despite the misery it causes her, it would be troublesome to change it all now and would damage the image she's spent so long cultivating. besides, if she changed this now, that would open a lot of doors. what else about her life would she be happier if she changed?

my own experiences with gender are somewhat similar. there was a time when i was younger where i realized that i was a trans man, but thought it would be too much of a hassle to come out and completely change who i am publicly. i had more or less resigned myself to living the rest of my life that way, and it was only thanks to my boyfriend's encouragement that i changed my mind. i'm very glad i did, and it's probably no coincidence that i also imagined myself getting a business degree at that point in my life...

i love mido and i'd like for her to reach self-actualization, at least to some extent. in most lighthearted AUs, i default to writing her as out of the closet and fully transitioned -- albeit still working a job she hates. it's also very important to me that she comes out to shimura after the kira case. after being put through such a stressful situation and realizing that she really could have been killed (...oops), i think she realizes that, at the end of the day, she needs someone else to know. it might as well be shimura, who shows her so readily that he's been wrestling with the horror of their situation more frantically than any of them, who still shows compassion after everything they've done.

also, mido has the trans haircut. you know, the ambiguous "it's just short enough that mom won't say anything" look.

(as an aside, i think i've heard trans man higuchi brought up before! not for several years, though, and only briefly, unless i'm forgetting something. although it personally isn't a headcanon that i share, he's such an envious person and focuses his own identity so intensely on other men that i could see it being written in a very compelling way. the whole "i want him AND i want to be him" thing, however in denial he is about it, is very real... i would love to see that concept explored more! i am probably not the person to do it, though.)

[styxnbones]

1, 2, 7, 9, 17, 21, and 24 for whichever characters you think would have the most interesting answers! (and feel free to do multiple if you want)

1.What memory would your OC rather just forget?

As much as Corin is endlessly thankful to Minerva for un-brainwashing him, and cherishes the ability to remember everything he had been forced to forget, there's a part of him that wishes he could un-see being forced to eat his fiancee immediately after his embrace. He feels incredibly guilty about it, because he remembers as well just how good it felt in the moment and because, even with all Minerva's effort, he still can't remember her name.

2. What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

For Minerva: he looks like he's in his late teens and dresses like a thrift-store catboy. On first glance, "Mass-Murdering Emissary Of A Vampiric Death Cult" is not really what comes to mind. This is, of course, the point.

7. What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

I'm of the "reduce reuse recycle" school of character creation, so a lot of my ocs look very different from how they started. But, I'd say the one that's changed the most would be Harper- having switched from Monster of the Week to Vampire the Masquerade and consequently become what they once hunted.

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

Not so much a quote but the whole concept for Minerva came into being bc my brain came up with the phrase "Reality in Triplicate" and wouldn't stop spinning it around.

17. What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

I think objectively the worst thing I've done to an OC is how I set up Minerva to be embraced. They were a long-term resident at a Troubled Teen Facility, which was bad enough on it's own before his future pack took over the place and turned it into a Fight For Your Life Black Hand Boot Camp- using the kids as both the recruits and the training dummies until Minerva was the last one standing and was then immediately put through even more shit as their Creation Ritae. All in all, horrifically traumatizing scenario that quite literally fractured their mind and left them trapped in the body of a teenager for the rest of his nights.

21. Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

I mean, all of them are dead so illnesses aren't so much a problem- but ohhhhh boy do these vampires have disorders. Literally all of them are traumatized in one way or another, though I think Harper is the only one who actually got diagnosed w PTSD before they died. Historically they haven't dealt with it well (killing and eating people to embody the monster that nearly killed and ate them so that they never have to feel like prey again is... not constructive), but they've gained a lot of touchstones that have helped them get things under control. Cass, however, is just out there raw dogging unlife with the aftereffects of a neglected childhood, abusive relationship, supernatural NPD and fragments of an elder rattling around in their brain. I would say the one handling it best is Kellen, who's got the tism and is arguably a CSA survivor- they've got a steady job, a consensual workplace relationship, a decent connection with their brother, and they generally have their shit together as long as they can keep up their routine.

24. What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

Harper could have very easily ended up in the Sabbat instead of with the Camarilla. When their sire killed herself they were hovering around Humanity 3 and if a Sabbat pack had found them first I have no doubt that they'd have ended up converting to a Path of Enlightenment and fitting right in. That, or just spiraling into wighthood. All in all, though, I think that their life would actually be much more boring- at least from a storytelling standpoint. The point of Harper is the repression, the tension in the denial of what they desire in favor of superficial things like status and duty. They are having an objectively much worse time trying to fit into the Camarilla's status quo than they would letting loose in the Sabbat and they hate every second of it but still choose it anyways and that's why its interesting.

[wondereads]

Personal Review (05/01/23)

Dragonfall by L. R. Lam

Summary

Arcady is a thief, but they dream of joining Loc's academy and discovering the truth behind their grandfather's conviction and death. Everen is the last male dragon in a dying world destined to save his kind. One night, using an experimental spell, Arcady pulls Everen through the Veil separating their worlds, and they end up with a half-formed dragon-rider bond that hasn't existed for ages since the humans betrayed the dragons and banished them. Everen is tasked with killing Arcady and opening the Veil for the rest of the dragons, but Arcady is focused on a heist that could change their life for good.

Plot 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

This plot could be a little slow in places, but it was really interesting. Despite a lot of this book being dictated by an old prophecy, the one concerning Everen saving the dragons, a lot of it felt character-driven. I appreciated that a lot of the decisions felt pretty reasonable. Before they meet Everen, Arcady is already looking for a partner, someone to trust during their planned heist. The book takes place over two months, so none of the decisions or developing relationships feel particularly rushed. Everen is trained by Arcady for quite a while, and there was a natural progression from event to event.

The worldbuilding of this book was so much fun. Everen being about as foreign as one could get means a lot is explained to him about Loc and the surrounding world. There's a good amount of information about daily life in Loc and the political situation, and I really like the way Lam made gender work there, even if some of the explanations were a little clunky. I loved the way magic worked, draining energy and causing literal hunger. Repercussions for careless use of magic is immediate and visceral, turning people into Starvelings that attack mindlessly. Arcady's family's involvement in the history of Loc is also quite interesting; I have a feeling there will be some good reveals in that area.

Speaking of reveals, there are some in the last few chapters that really work. One of them in particular strikes a great balance between a little bit of foreshadowing that still took me by surprise. I think the ending of the book as a whole is very good. It wraps up nicely with the contained plot (the heist and the thing they're stealing), but there's still so much going on that it definitely makes you want to continue. As someone who struggles with read-one-book-of-a-series-and-never-pick-it-up-again syndrome, it was great.

Characters 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

The characters are so strong in this book. Arcady and Everen are likable protagonists, and their motivations are clear and easy to understand and root for. Despite the fact that they're on different sides of an ancient conflict (though Arcady doesn't really know that), they have surprisingly similar goals. They both want to get revenge for the people they care for—Arcady's family and the dragons—and that drives most of the plot.

Their bond situation is one of the best written ones I've read in a while. The bond forces them to spend time together since any injury to one of them affects the other, but it doesn't cause them to like each other or anything like that. Instead, Arcady and Everen spend a ton of time together over the course of multiple months, and their relationship builds slowly and realistically. One crucial part of the bond is that any skin-to-skin contact drains Everen's magic to Arcady, so they avoid touching as much as they can, which leads to them literally dancing around each other at some points. The tension between them is just so well done, and I was thoroughly invested.

As for the side characters, there are two major ones who regularly get their own POVs. Sorin, an assassin trained by a mysterious priest with a very complicated relationship to him, and Cassia, Everen's sister stuck back in the world of the dragons, Vere Celene. I found Sorin in particular very interesting since her verging-on-worship devotion makes me hesitant about the man she serves, Magnes, but I really can't get a read on him. Cassia was a great look into how things were going back in Vere Celene, but I do think her own personality isn't quite a fleshed out.

Of the other side characters, I want to mention the Marricks, an organization of thieves that Arcady has a contentious past with. Arcady's relationship to their leader, Larkin, was complicated to say the least, and I can't help but hope that they get an opportunity for reconciliation at some point.

Writing Style 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

I absolutely love how Lam worked with perspective in this book. First, the two main characters, Arcady and Everen, have their chapters in first person while any extra POVs, such as Sorin and Cassia, are in third person, which is a strategy I've seen used before. However, one unique trait was that in Everen's chapters, Arcady is referred to as 'you' instead of by their name or any third-person pronouns. First, it's a clever way to work with Arcady since they use any pronouns; even though most characters default to they/them for them (hence my use of it in this review), a true representation of their identity would be switching, which can get confusing for a reader. Second, it makes Everen's perspective much more intimate, hints towards the end of the book, and helps the reader connect to Arcady that much more.

As for the writing itself, it didn't blow me away or anything, but it was still great. Like I said before, the tension between Arcady and Everen is immaculate, and I also really like the descriptions of magic, especially the hunger that accompanies it.

Overall 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

I'm really glad I got an ARC of this book because I really enjoyed it! I particularly liked Arcady, Everen, and their relationship, but the plot is solid and interesting, and the writing does something new. The only downside to this is that it's going to be at least a year before the next book comes out. While there's some intense cliffhangers at the end of this book, I don't really know how the next one is going to go, and I am very curious. In the meantime, I do recommend this book, especially for anyone looking for a slow burn fantasy romance with a bit more substance to it. And dragons, which is a good enough reason alone to read any book.

The Author

L. R. Lam: British (expatriate American), 34, also wrote the Micah Grey series, Seven Devils, and Goldilocks

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose; I try to post a review every week, and I do themed recommendations every once in a while. I take suggestions! Check out my about me post for more!

[parksprout]

Sprout Journal 11/8/24

Hey guys! Probably a smaller journal than usual today, but I feel like I end up saying that (or at least thinking it, idk if I actually mention it) quite a bit while writing these and then I always end up writing more than I expected. Today was a really straight forward day! I didn't do a whole heck of a lot, and not a bunch exciting happened which... is a bit of a breath of fresh air to be fully honest. This might be the first truly mundane day I've had since my breakup, I think I'm basically at the point of emotional regularity again. That doesn't mean that like all of the sudden there's no pain in my life, quite the opposite actually, rather it means that I have looked at my pain and I have decided how best to address it! I'm working realllyyyy hard on myself at the moment, and I think that's the best way to deal with things! School was a blur today. None of my classes were normal. My Spanish class was really tense and we didn't actually cover much material - we were much more focused on talking about the election. As much as I hate taking the actual course due to the weird online textbook and the high volume of work, my Spanish professor himself is a really genuine man and a good teacher. He cancelled class on Wednesday, and today he sat down with us and talked about the election results. He's obviously unhappy, and he expressed a lot of disappointment towards other voters similar to him. He said that a lot of his cousins are men who immigrated to the United States but now want to close the door behind them, which he personally doesn't understand. We ended class early today, so afterwards I actually stuck around to talk to him for a little. I didn't want to talk politics but it's obvious that he's hurting a lot so... I talked about music with him!

He's aspiring to find the time to learn bass just like I am, but he actually has such a fortunate head start on me haha. His cousin is the current bassist for Dance Gavin Dance!! He actually told me that like a week ago or something, but it was day two of my breakup and oh my god I was not ready to talk about it then - I almost broke no-contact with my partner Bnuuy IMMEDIATELY upon hearing that information. Anyways he was grateful for that After Spanish, creative writing class was fine! We talked about writing preferences; tenses and perspectives specifically. I also talked with one of my classmates about photography! I shared that I am looking for the right shots to take right now to send to The Bnuuy (ominous music plays in the distance) and how difficult it is to make the decision to capture a moment when your film is limited! It's an exercise in restraint, honestly. The rest of the class went fine! Anthropology got cancelled, so I went to the library and got comfy while finishing my final preparations for my Archaeology presentation! Truth be told I was surprisingly nervous. I wrote most of the presentation when like ... I was literally a different person. That sounds strange to say, but it's true - my brain chemistry has changed in the past two weeks since I made those slides, it was like reading any work by a stranger. But I managed to present it just fine, albeit a bit zoned out through my own content. Gosh what else I went to the gym at school again tonight! It was suppeerrrr exhausting but I think I'm hitting a real flow of things now. I did my longest run so far: 30 minutes straight, the only times I even slowed down was to skip ads on the Legend of Zelda 2 Game Grumps playthrough I was watching. After that I made my way through most of the weight machines! This one girl kept giving me a super aggressive stink eye though :( I really don't know what I did to upset her? It was a lil disheartening, especially considering I already get super anxious working out in public. But yeah! Now I technically have a bunch of homework to be doing, but absolutely NO energy to do it. I think instead I'll take care of it while I'm at work tomorrow and just suffer the consequences of some late penalties. Whatever, I'm a good student I promise That's all for tonight! Nothing too exciting, just my life in academia. I love you all! <3 have a good night tumblr

[futilecombat]

6, 9, 19? :]

6. Favourite secondary character?

Hm hm hm. I think people might expect me to say ren (ryuki) but it’s actually ichijou. Without getting too into specific events because I want my beautiful friends to watch kuuga someday, the way his character changes of his own accord and is changed by his relationships throughout the show’s run was deeply affecting and perfectly suited to my storytelling tastes lol. & Additionally I just think shingo katsurayama performed incredibly in that show. I’ve been sayinggggg the emotional minutiae he’s able to portray with his expressions alone no dialogue is remarkable to me.

9. Favourite theme song?

Already answered for opening/ending theme so let’s do non-show insert songs. Surprising absolutely no one…its red rock & mirage mirror

19. If you could go back and change one show, what would you change?

[Looks around]

The ending arc of drive was extremely unsatisfying to me for a variety of reasons, some of which are moment-to-moment decisions and most of which had been building up for quite some time throughout the second half of the show and came to a head in the finale episodes. Which is sad to me because I did enjoy the show and I think it had a lot of good points & standout episodes! I will try to keep this brief LOL

1. The kiriko sidelining was so shameless it felt insane. Quite literally sitting her out of the final couple of episodes was the most egregious but additionally the way the rest of the cast hid banno’s identity from her excluded her from part of the narrative that is EXTREMELY relevant to her— past that, once it was revealed to her, no time was taken whatsoever to dwell on her emotions or opinions, and in the end go gets the catharsis of killing banno for good. & That scene is fantastic, a highlight for me, but banno is kiriko’s father too, and I don’t feel like the show even gave me enough information to describe what her feelings on the matter would’ve been.

2. Tomari’s storyline couldve wrapped after the type tridoron episodes and I would’ve been completely fine with that. When the target of tomari’s ire is “the person that killed his father” it is easy for me to empathize with his position and be compelled by his choices. This is also the point at which his relationship with belt-san is the most interesting. Past that? I feel the falloff is best represented by the fact that the “final boss” (besides the roidmudes and believe me I’ll get to that) is some thing no one’s ever heard of that just started existing in the finale episodes and for that reason is utterly uninteresting. Of course killing banno would fall to go! But now your secondary has taken care of the primary threat of the latter half of the season and your protagonist feels like he’s flailing for relevancy

3. I really really really will try to be brief with this one because I have the most thoughts about it but the underlying moral narrative’s treatment of the roidmudes culminating in tomari’s dialogue with heart at the end was just so so baffling to me … I talked mid-way through about not really getting what the difference is between tomari and go’s stances if both of them, at the end of the day, strive to kill roidmudes— and that did not ever feel resolved. The show gave me all the tools to conceptualize the questions “do roidmudes deserve a chance at life?” and “are roidmudes really so dissimilar from humans?” but by the end of the it I felt that the written content; the positions and the choices of the characters, completely failed to ACTUALLY ask those questions at all, let alone offer either a solution or a meaningful lack of one. Lines like (paraphrasing) “The roidmudes are capable of caring for each other. Seeing that, I want to fight them on equal terms” come to mind as particularly incongruous to me. The difference between the way humans who commit crimes are treated vs roidmudes who commit crimes. Medic dying for… basically no reason? The note of futility in the last confrontation between heart and tomari was the final nail in the coffin for me.. Heart is the only roidmude who ‘surpassed humans’? Tomari? Not chase? Not medic who just a few minutes ago killed herself so you would live? Not brain? Not 072? Isn’t it so tragic that the roidmudes all had to die and we couldn’t live in harmony?! I don’t know, not really, since the only conclusion I can really come to is that that was a choice that the writers, and by extension in-universe: tomari (and co), made. I don’t think you can successfully portray a group of antagonists as victims of abuse responding to that with great nuance of personality and opinion and then also have it be unquestionably okay to kill them like generic cartoon criminals.

So basically I would A. keep kiriko AT THE VERY LEAST emotionally relevant to the relationships established for her and if we’re being real ambitious let her fight there’s no reason she can’t fight other than misogyny and B. Why are we killing roidmudes. Why did we continuously kill roidmudes. Just capture them… you have a scientist character seemingly capable of inventing Anything. B2. The final antagonist for everyone couldve still been banno. And if you need extra bodies for everyone else to fight the weird machine programming shit couldve ALSO been there just as fodder. Chase still could’ve sacrificed himself and it makes sense that everyone would give go/kiriko the final say in whether or not they kill banno for good. So we don’t have to lose any of the good scenes from those episodes.