#that cared for those with mental illness
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correct me if Iām out of line bc Iām not a detransitioner, but I hate hate hate how common arguments against transition/āin defense ofā detransitioners is āthey canāt have kids!ā or āthey canāt breastfeed!ā
why should mitigating harm always come down to what a woman can do for a potential child (or a manās ability to father children)? why isnāt it enough to keep HER from harm? itās just prioritizing women as broodmares all over again. why isnāt it enough to keep HER from chronic pain, heart and blood pressure issues, incontinence, necrosis, limited mobility and death?
#I donāt give a fuck about having children and if I could remove that ability + my breasts w zero negative consequences Iād do it#Iām sorry but if someone is mentally ill enough to devalue their own health and life I highly doubt theyāll give af about a potential future#child. itās not a convincing argument and just further pushes women into transition bc they donāt want or care about having kids.#it always sounds like āno donāt damage our breeding machines!ā stop falling for it. stop giving ANY credence to ppl whose first concern is#de/transitionersā ability to have kids or look appealing to men#ālook at this woman! she has a beard and a low voice!ā is not gonna convince ftms. they WANT those effects. emphasize the damage transition#does to your HEALTH. your LIFE EXPECTANCY.
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You know what? You know what I think?
I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.
The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.
I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.
But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.
We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.
That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.
I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.
Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.
I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.
#im feverish feeling (not a real fever just malaise that i have no other way to describe) from the IBS (which can affect you like that#)#and i don't actually want to do ANYTHING#i would have to even living with others but it would be easier#at the very least i wouldn't have had to clean the microwave earlier which is hard because my arms are like the size of a meerkat's#and i can only reach the back with my fingertips#where is my BF in all this?#WORKING FULL TIME WITH BACK PAIN#yes i AM going to want him to have to do as little as possible when he comes home#he's neurodivergent too and struggles with the same shit#it's all a mess#we are doing way better i didn't realize how deep a drain three very sick cats were#but there's still only two of us#if you are disabled physically OR MENTALLY you should at least get in-home household help once a week or so#there's places that do that but the limitations are usually severe and always rule me out#because im not single im not an elder im not a veteran and im not physically disabled#if we have to ration that sort of thing i can see how on the whole it is more caring to allocate those resources to for example elders#but the fact that i celebrate what help there is doesn't mean i don't get mad that more people can't access it#is2g if i was functional enough snd physically sound enough i would start a charity that did intervention cleaning for people like us#who have fallen behind and can't catch up but can MAINTAIN#and who helped people clean for a few months during and after an illness pregnancy trauma major loss etc. so they could stay on their feet
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94. ultimate price
#metamy#amy rose#metal sonic#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic#sonic art#sonic fanart#biweekly metamy#treebark#life series au#woe. metamy treebark be upon ye#again.#im so sorry to those of you who don't care about this au#which is. probably most of you.#but the limited life song came out today and it's got me feeling. mentally ill#i had to draw them or else id explode
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#helllloooo alll. I thought it'd be perfect to come back today#today is my bdayyy yaaay. āØ#its one of those melancholic ones#when u ponder your existence#but its okay#watched ai no wakusei since it was made in 2004 like me šš#btw#i hope ill be able to ne more active here again#ive just been really busy w school n life and my mental health went 20000 steps down so yes. i hope itll just get better#this bday is always bittersweet#well since its the 19th#itll always be#honestly ive been avoiding subrosa even until now cuz my mental health is so shit i cant even imagine how subrosa will make me feel. but im#on it. i honestly miss all of u guys so much. ye probably not many of u care but still#i like this place. it feels somewhat like home. even tho i still feel out of place sometimes its still comforting being here. whatever lol#havent yapped in a while so im vomiting words. love you all. im hoping the depressive episode will leave my ass finally.#u know its bad when u havent watched bt lives since around mid november#but its okay ai no wakusei somewhat healed me. so im hoping for the best now (says this every month and ends up worse)#yeah.#š„°#buck tick#atsushi sakurai#ameoto ha Chopin no Shirabe#even if i cant come back yet im thinking abt all of u n love u. take care of yourselves and yes. do stuff you love. smell roses. look at th#moon that's been soooo beautiful lately š„ŗ love#Spotify
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absolutely fascinated by young dee who is criminally under-discussed so here is my dissertation on what happened in her college years (ft. dr. gainer, setting her roommate on fire, being institutionalized)/my idea for a fic that I will almost certainly never write/my way too serious take on a few throwaway dee lore lines
timeline background: we know that dee majored in psychology ('charlie got molested') and got "three fourths" of the way in (meanwhile dennis finished his psych minor.) assuming this was a four year program, I'm gonna guess that in her third year she got institutionalized and most likely had to drop out ('gun fever too: still hot'.) we also know that she had her back brace until she was twenty ('underage drinking'), so I'm guessing that means she got her back brace off in her third year.
we know that dennis fancied himself a psychologist since he was young, but I think dee did too. in particular I think she was wary and interested in her brother's psychology; she seems very aware of his psychopathy and bpd in 'making dennis reynolds a murderer' and 'psycho pete returns.' in my head she's been interested in dennis' psychology since they were kids and she saw him snapping crows necks. so instead of forcing her way into acting school, she studied psychology to better understand her brother (and also deep down, herself, who is very much the other side of the same fucked up coin.) it also meant she could tell herself she could study her characters even better when she became an actress.
i think she put in (her version of) genuine academic effort to get in, fuelled kind of by spite (remember the way she studied that thick medical book in 'hero or hate crime' or her very quick math in 'boggs: ladies reboot'). she studies books and gets cricket to quiz her and she still fails to get into penn. but frank always pitied her (i think she was his favorite of the twins-remember "let your sister into the gang", "that's my girl!", "i'm sorry the grift didn't work out, sweetie") so he shells out cash to get her in, but also to get her away from home so he has to deal with her even less.
dennis wants to do anything dee does but better and he wants to keep her close by (to watch her crash and burn, and also because he's weirdly possessive-see 'the gang broke dee' "i'm your select!"). and obviously he's barbara's favorite. so barbara gives him money to get in too. she also gets him into a frat and pays for his classes and his rent and everything he needs. dee has to live in a dumpy dorm with a female roommate.
but college presents dee a chance to moult her previous place in life where she was known as a monster (remember how insistent she was that "people can change!" in 'franks pretty woman'. I think dees always wanted to believe she can shed that feeling she's inferior, but she never has). in my head her female roommate is basically normal-has real friends of her own, mentally stable, attractive-which is exactly what dee craves. dee wants to be popular and well liked and she wants to infiltrate her roommates life, imitate her, be in the Cool group. and she places all her hopes on a friendship with the roommate but dee has never navigated real female friendships before, not with someone like her. deep down she also wishes she found what dennis found in mac, whatever it was, because ever since dennis met mac he's never been as close to her. and i do think dee is some flavor of queer. and the roommate is well liked in the way that dee admires and envies. so there is that blurriness between wanting to be her and wanting to be with her. in my head her roommate looks like the woman from dee's fantasy in 'the gang saves the day' (and they both represent that promise of escape from dee's shitty life).
dee is so desperate for the roommates approval and her love and her life that she goes insane, copying and flattering and competing with her. ever the shitty actress, she tries to emulate her, but comes off as manic and creepy. and maybe her roommate is nice enough to not completely shun her, recognizing that she's struggling. maybe in dees mind they actually are becoming friends when her roommate asks things like "are you okay?"
and dee has to talk about her plan with dennis because he's the only person who would Get It. and she makes it sound like it's almost working. dennis feels jealous and worried and threatened that maybe dee might actually be seen as normal, especially when she gets her back brace off in the third year. so dennis fucks her roommate, more of a show that he owns and controls each and every pathetic part of deeās life than anything else. and so that dee knows she'll never be as good as him, she'll never as easily charm people as dennis does. (or at least he tells her he does).
to prove that To Someone dee is Good Enough, and so desperate for attention, dee (who's been groomed all this time) enters a sexual relationship with her professor dr. gainer. she tells herself she has the power in it, that she seduced him ("he didn't molest me. i had sex with him 'cause i wanted to.") and she has a mental break, because the thing she told herself held her back from being loved (her back brace) is finally gone by now and yet she still feels like a monster, and the only scrap of "love" she can get is from her professor.
and then she can't take the fact that she can steal her roommates clothes, can emulate her sexual prowess (in dee's own fucked up, delusional way), and still neither be well liked like her nor be loved by her. so maybe dee will always be a monster. so dee tried to burn her roommate in her bed, because she represented the promise of change and popularity, and that promise was a lie and dee's effort was for nothing. and she's institutionalized.
and i think there was kind of a falling out between the twins and their parents, because barbara wants to abandon dee but dennis can't help but visit her. and frank doesn't even step foot in a place that reminds him of his traumatic childhood, and avoids dee even more than he used to because she is his childhood mirror image. so the family becomes even more fractured and estranged.
and maybe dee becomes medicated and slowly crawls her way halfway to normal by the first season (her acting classes are so well-adjusted, taking part in healthy hobbies of her!). until her father comes back into her life and everything falls apart <3
side note, even though dee is crushingly lonely-"I just got a cat 'cause I wanted something to hang out with. I don't have, you know, a roommate or anything, and I don't really have anyone to talk to..."-AND she struggles to pay rent whenever frank cuts her off, i hc that she refused to ever get a roommate in particular female roommate again after this because both her internalized misogyny got worse and she was afraid of what would happen (what she would do) again.
#THIS IS FOR THOSE WITH THE DEE BRAIN ROT WHO SEES HER AS A SHAKESPEAREAN TRAGIC HEROINE WHO JUST WANTS TO BE THE BELOVED COMEDIC RELIEF#also no way in HELL dee was genuinely ever like nice roller rink ep dee. in my head that was the guys absolving themselves for turning dee#even more traumatized and isolated and jaded thru their treatment of her. bc it was obviously a freak accident shes Like That right#(in the sense of like unreliable narrator/faulty memory/lack of any care or attention given to dees life)#dee reynolds#iasip#iasip headcanons#nina.rambles#posts with an audience of me myself and i#tw grooming#tw mental illness#not sure how to tag this!#to me she is the main character.#dennis reynolds#bc there is heavy mention of him too#trash twins#frank reynolds#barbara reynolds
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I would honestly call the left's inability to accomodate people with morality-based OCD compulsions an accessibility issue at this point.
#coming under this: black and white morality thinking!#constant guilting about posting on social media showing your true values and personality!#shitting on people for their alarm about protest suicide! (with bonus 'how dare you insinuite mental illness was a factor!')#glorification of making yourself suffer mentally by viewing uncensored war imagery in 'solidarity' for those suffering in war!#unquestioning acceptance of all of the above as good and right!#promoting the idea that the individual self is expendable and that focusing on yourself (even to survive) is a reflection of your character#seriously this website cares so much about mental health until suddenly it doesn't- fuck the left so much for this i'm so triggered by this#not to be graphic but if i ever take my own life and claim it is for activism- this is not out of the realm of possibility#i DO NOT want anyone to justify my decision with it being activism and indirectly encourage others to do the same#i want people to instead look at the kind of rhetoric that causes people to choose this as a way out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Getting into Mouthwashing is awesome until you wanna autistic babble to others about it only to realize most of the convos discussing the game are 95% about Jimmy and nobody else, please I want variety
#unpopular opinion but i really do not care for anya#'why she's perfect-' she's really not and being an sa victim isn't a pass sorry guys#swansea i would absolutely punch in the beer gut but i would accept that backhand since he already knows he deserves it#daisuke you stay there sweetheart#curly deserves nut punch but i'll withhold that until after his bits heal#jimmy's character is absolutely fascinating and that deserves a broomstick to his spleen#'he's the catalyst-' yeah and there are other people who exist on the tulpar can we talk about them#another unpopular opinion but people want mental illness shown raw until they realize depression isn't the line#and until one of those people who has it did something really horrible because then nobody talks about it#jimmy having mental issues doesn't excuse his shit but damn does it explain his viewpoint of the world#anyways that's my rant please talk more about other characters because i think the fuck jimmy train has crashed again#daisuke remains an angel tho give him a smooch#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game
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I beg people in the MW to think very carefully when they talk about mental illness and physical disability cause itās not as straight forward and easy to diagnose/depict as you thinkā¦
#itās less I hate the analysis more so the way people talk about these real mental disorders in really demonizing ways#like there arenāt people who leads normal lives#and are well adjusted with these disorders like only people like them can do shit Jimmy does and itās in a really fear mongering way like#please be careful with how you handle those subject matter not every bad character needs a reason why some people are just like Jimmy no#no clear diagnosis or if ur gonna pick something you donāt need to be on the apd spectrum to be narcissistic itās just like I wish people#would understand that like people like him just exist he would not be diagnosed as either in like a clinical setting cause itās more than#just hitting the boxes plus like itās stated that Jimmy still choice to do what he was doing#like a big thing with sort of violent apd personalities is they donāt show any regret or remorse at all for these actions and he does itās#born from self preservation but to this extent to classify heād have to still not feel anything like itās just a touchy thing and we are#bordering on the same fear mongering people had about schizophrenia or bpd#like I just feel like he def has something but itās not named or define for a reason like he practically fits everything and itās likely i#intentional so you can give him that excuse but itās likely heās just like that like some people are cruel with no sort of neurosis like hes#def delusional but sociopaths and psychopaths tend to have a better grip on reality than he does#did and more factors point to himself than anything going on in his head#this is just the psych in me but pls be super careful with how you discuss mental illnesses cause itās still his choice to do the things he#mouthwashing
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still pisses me off johns took away any meaning from the parallax arc. such an interesting decline and change to hal's character and i think really just a great way to explore grief through an extreme metaphor of sorts but it's like no. nooooo it's just this damn entity. noooooo it wasn't hal at all nooooooo IT WAS STILL HAL. IM SO MAAAADDDDDDDD IM SO MAD WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT. i guess i just particularly hate it bc with my relationship to the story as a reader it comes from my personal experience of i have done terrible things to others and myself because of grief that i let pile up too high and fester in my mind and a lot of my own grief is as angry as it is devastatingly depressing so it's like one of those things where when it just hal of his own volition and grief fueled thinking that lead him to becoming parallax it is a story i then very deeply understand and relate to and hold tight because it's like man. we are all one bad day away from trying to rebuild coast city and to erase the tragedy. and by then switching it to The Entity and Not Of Hal's Own Thinking, it's like. well with the way characters treat it in story (i.e. guy saying, "that was parallax, not jordan") it's like any action on hal's end feels like. entirely erased. which is what i think i hate most. that hal is no longer part of it. i mention it in the tags bc i put those down before writing out my post but i'll say it here too it's like the way you could easily recover this is like. treating the entity then as like. a mental illness metaphor of sorts. but when other characters and even hal himself go None Of That Is Me It Was All The Entity, Parallax, it then like. starts to fail itself if that's the angle we wanna try to go for. because yeah. your depression influences you. but you still have some agency under it. and to deny any part of it then takes away so much. it takes away so much of what hal was meant to learn once he sacrificed himself as parallax for the earth. again. i know i really cannot say much i dont have much of a right bc i have skipped through well 20 damn issues of gl2005 thus far bc im reading For Kyle as opposed to reading it bc it's the gl title. but it's just. god. such a ball dropped. suffers from wattpad writing feeling. if you have to go this route i do in fact think there's a lot to be explored but johns is too stupid to do it in a way i'll care about. i just so greatly dislike it. i hate how this story of grief was taken away from being Grief and while i think as an entity parallax the bug can still be Grief the way i am reading it thus far it really is not Grief. this bug is not the Grief Of Mental Illness it's going nooo noooooo don't worry our hal (who has just been kind of miserable as a character for a while at the point gl90 was happening) is all okay and fine and good again and none of that bad stuff was him, it was all something else :) as if none of that couldnt be hal. as if hal isnt allowed to have his own character and flaws. god forbid he have some layers. god forbid those sour and dark parts of his person be his person. because we cant have that. we have to have this. instead. i guess. i knowim being harsh i know i am and i care too much about this especially for someone who really doesnt have the room to talk but it's like. euuuggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#there are ways to make this change Bearable (i like friend jeanie's interpretation of treating the entity as a mental illness metaphor)#but it's like that's one of those so on everyone else things bc i know. i just knowwww. johns is not remotely smart enough to think about i#in a meaningful way. I DONT i really cant say anything not having read all these lead up issues after recharge. but what i am experiencing#so far I Dont Care For. i dont know. maybe i'll learn to like it. or i'll start killing. we'll see.#static.soundz#lantern.posting
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain āX character has Y thoughts and Z behaviorsā there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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There are a lot of Worst Things about depression. Everybody's got a different Worst Thing. Hell, I can't always decide on what my personal Worst Thing is. Sometimes it's the numb despair. Sometimes, it's the dumb animal panic. Most of the time, though, it's that there isn't enough room inside of me.
What I mean is: I care about too many things. I think that's pretty standard these days for a lot of people. Empathy stretched fine as gossamer. We see so much suffering each day. We see so much more than any one person was meant to. So you wind up caring, because caring is what a person is wired to do, what makes life worth living. You care about people you know. You care about people you've never met. You care about situations in countries you haven't set foot in. You care about the political climate of your own hometown. You care about your own dreams. You care about your best friend's bad luck. You care about your pets' health. You care about when the next book in your favorite series will come out. You care, and you care, and you care, because you're wired to care about it all. It's exhausting sometimes, but it's life. Sometimes the best part of life.
With depression, the caring space gets to feeling too full. Has packed tight, all those elements butting into one another until they lose meaning, the darkness threading into the gaps. There just isn't enough room inside of me for all the fear and the despair and the weird empty anger, much less the stuff that actually matters. So I start shorting out. Because, see, depression makes it so I can't care; don't see a point in even trying. And the real me, the part of me that isn't being cannibalized by the demons, doesn't know how to do anything else. So the middle ground becomes: shrink the caring space. Shrink it down bit by bit. All systems are running at once, and we're getting low on juice, so the natural thing is to start shutting off lights. Start jettisoning the extraneous to make room.
Except it's depression at the wheel, not common sense, so it's not just the extra flair getting turned off. Not the despair and the mind-numbing terror and the reckless urge to pick fights. The stuff that winds up getting tossed is stuff I need. Stuff that keeps me going. It's all being shut down at once, no rhyme or reason, until I suddenly can't care about the things that are me. Intrinsic, fabric-level stuff. I can't care about creating. About making art. About telling stories. I can't care about other people telling stories. I can't care about my friends the way I'm supposed to. I can't care about their travel or their kids or their wins. I can't care about making food for myself. I can't care about brushing my teeth. I'm shutting down to component parts, but I didn't get to pick which components are still running full-power, so I wind up with just a handful of randomly blinking lights. Suddenly, I care very much about my fear of the future, my financial insecurity, how fast I can run a 5K, a single television show--and just about nothing else.
It isn't healthy. It's sure as fuck not sustainable. And I know from experience that the rest of the system will come back online eventually. I'll find myself telling another story in a week or a month. I'll find myself sketching something out of nowhere. I'll find myself able to grieve a lost loved one and treasure my new nephew. It'll all come back, in time. But it's the in-between bit that grates. The bit where I'm in the shuttle with my knees tucked against my chest, sucking oxygen through a straw, trying to conserve whatever is still running. The bit where I resent the people in my life who aren't running on fumes like I am. Where I'm furious that they can care, that they can move freely, that they aren't pacing a minuscule cage like I am. It's a loss, all the months and years I've spent on life support. It's a fucking waste.
That's where I am right now. Life support. Little things get in, from time to time. I can suddenly inhale a book series start to finish. I can suddenly coax myself into eating the same thing for lunch for three weeks straight. Those are extra lights on the dash, and I have to treasure them. Because there isn't really room, so any little thing that I find space for is a gift. And everything else--talking. planning. trusting. creating. intake.--has to stay dark for a little while longer.
It'll come back on. I have to believe it'll come back on.
In the meantime, I hunker in my shuttle, and I wait.
#depression#personal#i dunno if this makes any sense at all#and i know plenty of people here didn't follow me for navel-gazing mental illness essays#so like. feel free to blacklist those terms to your heart's content#but this place has always been an artist's gallery and a sticker book and a journal#and sometimes that last bit looks like this#anyway. yeah. can't care. or i've cared so much i've shorted myself out. i dunno.#i'm hyperaware that i want to be doing things with my time. or that i need to be. and still very little is getting in#so if you wonder why i perodically post some nonsense and then vanish for three days#or why i'm inhaling thousands of pages of space opera in a week#it's because...it's a single blinking light on my dashboard. and it could go away at a moment's notice. so i'm clinging to whatever gets in#and hoping the rest of the lights will come back on soon
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I think fans want Jason to be a good person or be becoming one. To have a character that is well meaning and compassionate but decided murder is ok and to stand against main heroes whoās beliefs and actions go against the people he cares about and wants in his life. Itās confusing for people. People want their fav characters to be happy. But Jason canāt have his familyās support and follow his moral code. Heās cares about people and Gotham, and heās an asshole who kills. Itās messy. Itās not black and white. I donāt even think Jason cares about being a good person or in the right anymore. I think he cares about what will save the most people instead.
Oh my goodness gracious Iāve been bamboozled
Batmanās definition of Good is not synonymous with absolute good/right no matter how much dc insists it is. Torture, battery/assault, surveillance, those are all condemnable actions too. I wonāt get into the exhausting and frankly dumb debate of comic book morality wrt killing because Iāve already reblogged plenty of posts from other people who explained my thoughts on the matter far better than I ever have the patience to sit down and articulate. I also just think the notion that thereās something to be done about fictional characters who kill nazis and senseless murderers is stupid. Jasonās point is that the āmainā heroesā sanitized definition of right has its unaddressed holes and flaws which ultimately result in more preventable fatalities, and that heāll work to correct those missing spots.
He doesnāt not care about doing whatās right. What he doesnāt care about (at least during his Winick characterization) is whether Batman thinks heās right or wrong, because he sees the flaws in Batmanās methodology (and since he has a mind of his own). Batmanās methods alone cannot address Arkhamās revolving door and the rogues that come and go through those doors who have no intention (or capability from the doylist pov) of ever changing or undergoing redemption. Jason knows that heās minimizing the number of preventable deaths by killing his targets, typically Characters Who Simply Do Fucked Up Shit Just Because, Why The Fuck Not?
Secondly, Jason is compassionate ā¦ to a fault. That was his fatal flaw. If he wasnāt so hell-bent on saving his potential birth mother he just met from that bomb despite everything she did to him prior, he could have protected himself instead, however slim his odds of survival were. What about his relationship with his other parents? He was a caregiver during his early childhood years for Catherine, until her death. Even mature adults who are financially stable find being a caregiver to a dying parent to be extremely burdensome on their bodies and minds, but he never complained about it or resented Catherine for being unable to care for him. Despite how none of his parents have really been what he needed them to be, he doesnāt blame them for their failings, and even continues to think highly of them (Bruce included).
And post-death? Enter Lost Days. Despite being dead set on plotting his revenge on Bruce, he constantly sidelines this in order to save other victims who are helpless like he once was. His own anger, trauma, and mission donāt remain his priority. (Sound familiar? Something something my own trauma above my sonās, mission above all else, etc.). Why would he waste precious time and risk his own life to do this if he wasnāt empathetic towards these victims or didnāt care about doing the right thing. He is simultaneously horribly traumatized and full of rage, and also incapable of ignoring whatās happening to victims around him (even as he claims that itās indeed not his priority). And in that same vein, the entire premise of his rebirth outlaws run was that he doesnāt care if the public views him as a villain, an outlaw, so long as he can protect Gotham. And anyway where is this portrayal of him not caring about being in the right anymore. Almost every modern Jason story is about him grappling with where he stands with Bruce/Batman. During the early 2000s was probably the last time he did not care (hello, tentatodd??).
Jason has very evidently been portrayed as a kind and compassionate character. He is also simultaneously a calculated killer who doesnāt hesitate to kill when he deems necessary, and does so without remorse. Itās called being a Complex Character With An Edgeā¢ that as you said, people so often claim to love. However when he fulfills that latter part, that seems to upset people because ākilling badā, and they then try to shave off and round out all his edges and claim he shouldnāt be that angry. In that case I guess you should just stick to liking traditional one-dimensional characters instead of claiming to like Jason but then encouraging his character assassination attempt by dc. Lol.
Lastly, who said anything about the batfam making Jason happy? Just because heās written nowadays to want acceptance from Bruce (a shoddy attempt at forcing a non-existent nuclear batfamily), doesnāt mean that itās a sound decision or that it does his character justice. I certainly donāt empathize with the idea that Jason needs the familyās approval or acceptance to be happy. (And anyway he has enough outlets for angst and pain aside from the batfam hello explore his other sources of trauma and do more deep dives into how he thinks when heās alone). I donāt want them to magically make up and become one big happy family. This is not disney Lol. Besides, there are plenty of stories from dc that have that type of āwholesomeā (hate that word utilization) characterization for Jason (Liāl Gotham, Tiny Titans, wfa, and even new stuff like the brave and the bold mini) and that is sufficient imo. Jason fans who are invested in the character deserve accurate, nuanced characterization and well-written stories, whether they be from his robin days (e.g., Batman: The Cult) or as red hood.
#fellas. ya know what else is wholesome? avenging your own death#you can have moments of āreconciliationā or peace but still maintain a strained relationship which is far more realistic#āheās an asshole that killsā and Bruce is an asshole who doesnāt kill. lol.#you canāt claim Jasonās conflicted and disturbed but go on to say Bruce is perfectly sane those two are mutually exclusive#also please realize that a character acting out of anger does not mean they lack compassion.#implying that he doesnāt care about doing the right thing is saying the same thing that person said;#that he doesnāt actually know what heās doing. that he hasnāt thought through his moral stance.#āJason didnāt put any thought into anything he did in utrh heās just a poor mentally ill lost soul who needs the batfamās love to heal šā#š¤#ājokers just a poor victim of society š he just needs someone to understand him and maybe one day heāll heal and realize heās wrongā#what they both have in common is that theyāre misunderstood in opposite directions#the joker doesnāt have a point to prove. thereās no deeper meaning behind what he does. everything is a joke to him.#he isnāt unaware of right vs wrong lmfao#jason todd#dc#asks#my post#and I think youāre implying that heās utilitarian based on that last part but I donāt think he is#user mintacle posted a few metas regarding that and again they explain it much better than I prob could#anyway it isnāt difficult to understand his character if you know why you like him and you actually read his stories#that post specifically was from someone who clearly said they did not read the comic so. technically theyāre on their own wavelength#edit: grammar
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"You've got to be nice to people with demonized mental illnesses š„ŗ If you experience delusions and hallucinations and intrusive thoughts I love you and you are safe with me UwU"
Yall couldn't handle Jimmy Mouthwashing and act like James Sunderland was the antichrist.
#'Zero but those are fictional characters' well yeah I'm aware however#it's still telling when someone can't spare an ounce of kindness towards a fictional chacter who experiences hallucinations#and delusions and crippling guilt#the way fictional men are treated when the story is about their demons is so unkind#ābut Zero they hurt peopleā they still need help though#they still need a support system and medical care#their stories are about their suffering and the way it turns both destructive and self destructive#people with 'bad' mental illness do that a lot#it's not just a diagnosis#more often than not the diagnosis comes AFTER someome got hurt#and I don't think most of the 'accept stigmatized mentally ill people UwU' truly understands this#considering the general reaction to when the theme is present in fiction#k I'm done
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How to remove the words seratonin, dopamine, and oxytocin from the minds of people who take psych advice from unlicensed tiktokers. Bonus points if it takes the tattoos they got of the molecules bc theyāre scientifically illiterate and think a chemical structure adds legitimacy to their pseudoscience.
#my stuff#i see so many med students with the tattoos and your honor i canāt take it.#iāve met people who have lifelong mental illnesses who have gotten one of those molecules related to their lives experience#meanwhile freshman med students in intro chem see a molecule and slap it on#i personally donāt believe in doing tats of things you donāt really care about#things that matter to you or significantly changed you#i wouldnāt put anything scientific on myself that i had not worked on#rn iām working through the list of hobbies and stories that iāve loved deeply for Years#idk ppl with the 3 Psych Molecules specifically just bugs me so much bc i feel like itās become a popsci tattoo#and you either get it because youāre Traumatized For Real or bc itās a cool shape that has poppsych implications#the latter of which feels shallow and disrespectful to associate with the former
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Regarding the whole "Fandom Is An Escape, so why should I have to care this much about misogyny/racism/ableism/transphobia/etc." thing. Idk about the rest of you, but it gets kind of hard for me to "escape" when I keep seeing people say the same vile things about characters who share aspects of my identity that I hear all the time in real life.
#gotta say: it doesn't make me feel any better getting ignored/disparaged on account of my gender irl and then seeing every fictional woman#also get ignored/disparaged when there is no material difference between her and popular male characters other than her gender#how do I escape from irl misogyny if y'all keep willfully ignoring and flinging gendered insults at 99% (<-lowball estimate) of#female characters? how do I put aside the ableism I face in real life when y'all discuss disabled/mentally ill characters in the most#absolutely out-of-pocket way? how do I forget about biphobia when the 'arguments' you make 'for fun' about bisexual characters#in fiction sound EXACTLY the same as the things people say about my bisexuality outside of the internet/fan culture?#and then obviously this gets compounded if you are trying to even simply EXIST in fandom as a poc or a trans person or an intersection of#any or all these varying identities/life experiences#like yes caring about fictional characters is not the same as caring about real people OBVIOUSLY I can't BELIEVE I have to keep clarifying#that. and at the same time!! because multiple things can be true at the same time!!!! engaging in behavior that enforces pre-ingrained#societal biases and prejudices!!!!!!!! does not help dismantle those biases and prejudices!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in a real-world way that DOES#involve caring about actual people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it's also. interesting. when people go on & on about how some newest show about thin cis white (male) gays is So Important & Revolutionary#So We Must Do Everything To Keep It Relevant And Visible and then act this way about women/poc/trans people/disabled people/fat people#in media. so like. you DO agree that seeing a variety of life experiences represented in fiction is beneficial. you DO believe in the#value of depicting marginalized people. interesting that that only seems to apply to a VERY narrow and specific category of marginalization#(ugh remember when I talked about this and someone called me a straight person good times)
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This is a part of Felix I really like. When it comes to Rodrigue, as long as Rodrigue is safe, Felix is his usually tsun self... but as soon as anything dangerous happens to him (in both games) Felix gets anxious.
It's a nice detail because it makes sense for him to feel that way after losing Glenn, and since this is in VW, he's also, presumably at this point, lost Dimitri. It makes sense that if something felt off about his family (i.e. Dimitri is basically his brother, thus family. Dimitri literally sees Rodrigue as his second father) that he would get uncomfortable.
What I love about it is how much it speaks to his real feelings. He can act uppity and vocal all he wants, but as soon as something happens to these people he claims he doesn't like or care about, it makes him antsy. For all the nonsense he talks about them, as soon as something happens to them, he struggles to accept it (such as why, in his AM advice box note, you have to tell him that that's just the way life is sometimes when he's grieving about his father).
For all of Felix's complaining about Rodrigue, as soon as Rodrigue suddenly isn't able to update him regularly or communicate with him during a war, he becomes uneasy. He's not suddenly grateful like oh finally the old man shut up. He gets nervous that they've suddenly had little to no contact. He's unsettled not knowing what's going on with Rodrigue.
I love this line because it's who Felix really is, without all the posturing. He'll act tough and angry in front of them, but as soon as something goes wrong, he wants to know what's happening. He's afraid of not knowing what's going on. He's afraid that the Kingdom could be in a bad situation, or worse for him, that his father could be in a dangerous situation.
If he didn't care about Faerghus or his father anymore, why would it bother him not to get updates? If Rodrigue was in contact with Felix despite Felix being in the Alliance army, Rodrigue obviously had no issue with that and still took the time and effort to remain in contact with him. Plus, if Felix says this now, it means they'd been pretty regularly exchanging information up to that point and it's just recently started to go quiet, and Felix is uncomfortable with that. He wants to know what's happening.
It's so rare that he acts like this, but when he does it's very powerful. It's sincere and genuine - something he usually is not. He hides his feelings about people if they're safe in front of him. If they're not in front of him and could be in danger, he's worried.
I just wish we had more lines like this because they're so good for his character and help to get him past the issue Houses often has with tropey aspects of characters being their entire personality. In Hopes it's handled significantly better imo, but before we had AG Felix we only really had crumbs of who Felix really was and the parts of himself that he hid from others.
#DCB Three Houses Run#here in this house we love when felix actually shows that he cares and worries abt his father#and also dimitri bc like regardless of what he says dimitri is... basically his step brother#just bc it's not ''official'' doesn't mean dimitri doesn't basically see it that way#i.e. he sees rodrigue as his father and well... considering his childhood and how families work#would reasonably see felix as his step brother. felix doesn't like to admit it but#i think he's accepted that and that's why what dimitri goes through bothers him so much#obviously felix is TERRIBLE at handing mentally ill ppl but... he doesn't like seeing dimitri like that#to him those two are still his family and i appreciate that in vw he's extremely conflicted and#very nervous and upset about what's happening in faerghus
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