#that can still effect a child especially one with a shitty support system

[princess-of-the-corner]

"Canon LB/CN seeing what Audrey's inflience can do to the purest of hearts."

"But- But- But- Chloé wasn't abused! Her mom just left!"

MMMMMM.

[jade-marie]

I didn't watch episode 4 but I saw gifs of Beth yelling at Jane and it got me thinking, what's your view on the Boland kids not being parented?

Lmao you love getting me in trouble🤣

Sorry. It got long but I could rant about this for weeks.

Pre canon and S1

Obviously, we don’t see anything pre canon when it comes to the Boland kids, but you can put together an idea of what their situation was like from the first few episodes. Beth was a SAHM - she made them fancy packed lunches for school, had them enrolled in extra curricular activities, dropped them off/picked them up from school, put them to bed, got them ready etc. She was the main caregiver and Dean was at work. When he came home, he got to be the fun dad.

It seems like they had a decent amount of structure, as far as schedules go, but they’ve never been given any responsibility and didn’t appear to be well disciplined. We had Kenny telling Beth she sucked at math in s1 - something I certainly wouldn’t have gotten away with. Anyway, they had a decent amount of structure and stability, they were used to things being a certain way and that was all disrupted when Dean was kicked out of the house. Then suddenly, Dean was back, but he was sharing a bedroom with Kenny. It doesn’t seem like any of this was really explained to the kids properly or that they were helped through the process, which can have some knock-on effects. 

Throughout Season 2

First episode of S2, Dean was shot. The kids were told that he was mugged and were, understandably, shaken up by the whole thing. Once again, nobody truly comforted or helped them through this process and we started to see the fallout of that. Kenny essentially developed an eating disorder and started bingeing, Jane “ran away from home”. But again, nothing is done about it. Beth says they need to be more present, no phones at dinner, they look into a child therapist, but we don’t ever hear about the kids actually getting therapy even though they desperately need it.

Throughout the season, the structure that they still had in S1 rapidly disappears. It goes from Beth being the main caregiver to her handing the reigns over to Dean in 2.05 and he doesn’t do a good job of it. The house becomes a mess, the kids run wild. This would be a perfect opportunity to start giving the older children some chores, helping to re-introduce structure, but it doesn’t happen. From the kids perspectives, they would notice their mother becoming more and more absent from their lives, missing dance recitals, coming home late, missing dinner, missing bedtime and so Dean is becoming the consistent parent (important for later).

Dean decides to weaponise the children, taking them away from Beth and going to stay with his mother for a while, before going back home. Beth and Dean tell the kids that they’re going to be getting a divorce, obviously that doesn’t happen, again creating quite an unstable environment for them. Effectively, they have a roof over their heads and they’re being fed/clothed, but nobody is actually parenting them. 

Throughout Season 3

At the beginning of S3, with the dealership gone and Beth no longer working for Rio, they have significantly less money. It’s not clear how much of a knock-on effect this had on their extra curricular activities because Jane still has her piano lessons and Kenny has hockey. Beth’s taking them to the park a lot, it’s also not clear whether this is simply because she’s stalking Rhea and Marcus or genuinely because the park is a free activity for them. Regardless, they’ve been going to the park enough that it’s no longer fun. The kids really don’t seem to have any structure anymore and, once again, it doesn’t seem like they’ve been receiving any emotional support during what would be a challenging time for any child. 

Dean has gone back to work, Beth is now also working, so Judith steps in to help take care of the kids. She takes things a little bit far, which pisses off Beth, so Judith is quickly removed from the equation. Again - instability. Then we have the fallout between Rhea and Beth, which means Jane can no longer play with her best friend Marcus for (at least from her perspective) absolutely no reason. Again – instability. Fast forward a few weeks, the entire house is emptied so the kids have to go and stay with Judith for an unspecified amount of time. Again – instability. We can play the blame game to decide who is the cause of this instability, but it’s pretty irrelevant. The fact is, the kids lives are being shaken up and nobody is helping them through it.

Beth buys new furniture, the kids come home, it all seems great, and then Dean gets arrested. So now their dad ,who has been the more consistent parent in their lives for the last year, is out of the picture. Once again, nobody is really offering them support during this time. We see Jane asking for her dad, we see the kids talking about how Dean lets them eat by the TV, because they’re missing things which have been consistent for them, and then we finally get to Janes little stand-off with Beth over the remote control.

That is quite clearly the result of her emotional needs going unmet for God knows how long, so she’s acting like a brat. Instead of taking care of and supporting her child, Beth lashes out. I find the editing choice to mute the yelling and playing music over the scene annoying, because it lightens it quite a bit. It’s pretty obvious that Beth was wildly over reacting to the situation, because she was lashing out at a child over things that had nothing to do with Jane. She was stressed about Dean, she was stressed about Fitzpatrick‘s upcoming murder and taking that out on a kid. Yeah, she felt bad and gave her a hug after, but you’ve still got 3/4 kids (is Kenny coming back??) who’ve been emotionally neglected for at least a year. 

Beth’s kids compared to Annie/Ben

We don’t really see a lot of Ben‘s relationship with Greg, it doesn’t seem like he’s a particularly bad parent in any way, Nancy is probably a bit neurotic, but nothing major. Annie, is pretty emotionally stunted and immature, she puts way too much responsibility on Ben, so it’s the complete opposite of Beth. Ben is effectively the grown-up in their relationship, he leaves reminders for his mother to make sure shit gets dealt with and any structure Ben has is structure he’s created for himself.

But at the same time, he trusts his mother and when something is bothering him he actually talks to her. We saw him come out to Annie before Greg and Nancy, he told Annie when he was being bullied. As he gets older, you can see him growing tired of parenting his mother, but I think she’s learning from her mistakes by recognising the way they’ve impacted her son.  I think it’s also important to remember that Ben has been largely unaffected by Annies criminal activities, this is predominantly because she has a shitload of baggage to deal with. 

Beth’s kids compared to Ruby and her kids

As a whole, Ruby‘s kids have been relatively unaffected by her criminal activities. It doesn’t look like they ever had a rigourous schedule of extracurricular activities, but they’ve always had a stable home life. Not financially well off, but happy. We’ve always seen them be respectful, they have boundaries with their parents, they don’t particularly misbehave etc. They just appear to be good kids with good parents. They witnessed Stan being arrested and Sara especially took that quite hard, but she was supported through it. It’s also quite clear that she’s had a good emotional support system throughout her illness and kidney transplant. When she found out that Ruby was up to something shady in S3 and their relationship became strained as a result, she spoke to her mother in a way which was disrespectful, eventually that behaviour was checked. Because Ruby and Stan parent their children.

Beth’s kids compared to Rio/Marcus

From the very first time we were introduced to Marcus, we’ve seen that he’s very polite, very well-balanced and has a good relationship with his dad. We’ve seen Rio patiently instil important lessons in his son, such as cleaning up his messes, being patient and waiting his turn - things which Beth’s kids still don’t understand.

For the most part, Marcus seems to be pretty well shielded from Rio’s criminal activities, which is why I think Marcus was so heavily affected by his dads absence in S3. But, unlike the Boland children, he was emotionally supported through the process by his mother. He went to her for comfort and he received it. When Rio isn’t around, Rhea appears to pick up the slack and ensure Marcus still has some stability.

I think they’ve deliberately contrasted Beth’s kids with the other children on the show. Her children are the only ones who seem to be truly feeling the effects of choices she’s made during the course of the series. She claims to be doing all of this for her kids, but is completely ignorant to the fact that her choices are hurting them. This isn’t me bashing her character or saying she’s a shitty mom because I don’t like her, this is just stating what’s happening on the screen and right now, whether or not it’s deliberate, she’s being a shitty parent. Dean has always been a shitty parent. So now those kids don’t have anyone😕

[bananasmiles2952]

I'm aboutta post about the miraculous fandom again, but I'll hide it because it's gonna be a rant and that shit gets long sometimes <3

So, new episodes, new problems. I really love the way the show shows these ineffective methods of problem resolution and avoidance, and effective methods as well. You see, I am just going insane, frothing at the mouth if you may, at this whole "Alya knows who Ladybug is but Chat Noir feels betrayed because he is her partner first and ooops now he gets less action in akuma fights and he thinks Ladybug doesn't really need him anymore but actually she's just a scared little girl and adults are terrible" thing. Oh geez I'm gonna have to itemize all my points, here we go:

1. Alya knowing Marinette's identity is a good thing. It's a really good thing. I have mentioned in a previous post that these teenage superheroes are in a really bad position of extreme parentification and being forced to grow up too fast. Ladybug has seen her partner literally die several times!! She has seen entire sections of her city, sections she knew had people, leveled and flooded and burning and crushed to the ground, no sign of the life that was once inside them. She has had to lie pretty much every second of every day for more than a year, with the old guardian saying she should lie more and her kwami suggesting she lie less (about things that aren't about her identity) and it gets so confusing that now everything is a secret for Ladybug, because no one can know what's the truth about what she says and what's a lie, because if they know, then they'll know who Ladybug is and the world as she knows it will end. Now, that last take was irrational, but for a child with the weight of the world on their shoulders and that weight getting heavier and heavier every day? That's what she thinks she has to think, because any complacency would cost lives.

Alya knowing means less she has to think about, less she has to plan completely alone, and more confidence that she can handle this insane responsibility. Alya knowing means she can go back to being Marinette just a little bit more, and know that she doesn't have to be Ladybug all the time. Every aspect of her life has been taken over by this bullshit and that is traumatizing and exhausting, and she just went from zero support system to having her best friend back.

2. Chat Noir doesn't have to know who she is, and he is alright with being upset about it, but the right thing to do in that situation is talk to the person who is upsetting you and letting them know how you feel. Now, Chat Noir is an abused child. He has never been allowed to tell his father that his behavior was upsetting him (think internalizing reasons like, "he works so hard, he's probably too busy, and if I say something, then he'll just be stressed and busy"). It makes sense that he would transfer this thinking over to Ladybug, another authority figure in his life, not over him, but someone he knows to have a lot of responsibility. In his mind, if he tells her he's upset, it will only cause her stress and make her job harder because she has more important problems. But the thing about being an adult?? Just because you're busy and you're stressed and you're dealing with the weight of the world doesn't mean you are allowed to upset the people around you, even unintentionally. A healthy family for Adrien would have allowed communication, for his father to listen to him, even though he's busy, and to let him know that he understands and it's alright for him to be upset about something like that. And if he was using this framework for handling conflict, he would know that even though Ladybug has big responsibilities, they can talk to each other about their issues and reach an understanding. BUT let's move past his childhood trauma, there's more to talk about in this point.

Chat Noir is allowed to be upset, but internalizing it is bad, very, very bad, especially because he's a superhero. Gotta practice that healthy mindset when you need all your focus to defeat butterfly man. If he bottles it up and hides it from the world, his pain will grow and morph into something dangerous as it turns from sadness to anger. We've seen him lash out at a chimney, which shows just how much pain he's been hiding, since he's never been a person to lash out, especially not with violence. That scene was meant to make it obvious he's getting close to a point of no return, that he is so upset at the world that his method of holding it in is cracking and his anger is breaking loose. And from the new episode, we can see that he's now losing control of his ability to hide it, and Ladybug keeps seeing and keeps asking if something is wrong. And this is supposed to be a relief for him!! He's supposed to see her reaching out to see what's wrong and know that she cares and that he should tell her, because she'll want to fix it with him!! But his dad is shitty, so instead of seeing how much she cares, he only sees a warning that his mask is slipping, and he hurries to right it before running off.

The adult thing to do is talk about your feelings and problems, but they're kids, and for him at least, abused kids at that.

3. (told you this would be long) Chat Noir and Ladybug knowing who they are is different from Alya and Nino knowing who they are, by a lot. Alya and Nino are supporting superheroes, which doesn't mean they aren't as important as Ladybug and Chat Noir, but you literally can't get things done if you don't have a Ladybug. If Alya and Nino knowing who they are compromises them, there is so much less to lose. Hawkmoth getting their miraculouses means he gets more powerful, yes, but it doesn't mean the fight is over. Ladybug and Chat Noir would still be in the game, and they could still fix it. If Ladybug and Chat Noir knowing who the other is compromises them, there are 4 things at risk:

1. The miraculouses and the balance of the friggin' universe

2. The holders for their miraculouses would have to be replaced if they avoided capture

3. Now that Marinette is guardian, her memory and the safety of the miraculous box would be at risk.

4. Marinette would have to replace Chat Noir, and I don't think she can ever do that

If Shadowmoth could use their identities against them, there is so much more to lose. And Alya and Nino don't have the same weight on their shoulders that Adrien and Marinette have. I get why Chat Noir is upset they know each other, but the rules are different because the risks are different. And the pain this causes them is yet another reason this is parentification and abuse!!! Fuck Fu, you don't do this to children!!!!

4. Chat Blanc is some serious fucking trauma my dudes. Like, oh my god, Marinette touched her catacyslmed body aND WATCHED AT IT DISINTIGRATED BEFORE HER VERY EYES. She saw miles and miles and miles of what was a vibrant city under a sea of water, not a single living person to be seen. The fucking moon had a hole in it. And she saw the one person she trusts the most, the one person who know just what they are going through because they're going through it together, vulnerable, angry, and ready to destroy the world. And he said it was their fault, but we know Ladybug only heard that it was her fault. That if she hadn't slipped up and let him know her identity by leaving her name on a present, she could have prevented the loss of life of millions, potentially billions, and she could have prevented whatever pain caused her kitty to lose control and end the world.

It makes sense that she doesn't want anyone to know. It was her slip-up, after all, that caused the chain of events leading to Chat Blanc, the lucky charm proved as much with that eraser. And if she doesn't say anything about it, she can lie to herself and say it didn't effect her, because none of what she saw ever actually happened. But we know Chat Blanc haunts her nightmares, we knew that even before we saw her nightmare in Sentibubbler, and if she doesn't say anything about it, if she doesn't talk to a fucking therapist, she will break apart everything she is desperately trying to hold together. It would be easier for her to know that she is hurting people if they would tell her, like with Chat Noir refusing to talk about his need to be needed, but she doesn't know. And I think she wants, more than anything, to make sure it doesn't happen ever again by defeating Shadowmoth as soon as possible. If he's gone, there will be no one to turn her kitty into a monster, and she will have saved him and herself. If he's gone, she can finally let down all the walls. You can see her desperation to end everything by her crazy ladybug towel getup mad scientist lab experiment, and her desperate ranting and hurried rush for ideas, and her sadness at how close she got to getting rid of him in Sentibubbler as she watched him get away. She wants her kitty to know, and she wants him to be safe, but he never can be with Shadowmoth around.

[firebunnylover]

LoSH S2 discussion

I love Legion of Superheroes. And i love season 2, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about how it could have been improved. In terms of quality, it varies more than season 1. Some parts are top tier while others… eh.

Season 2 is darker than season 1. And there’s the inherent stigmatism that darker means better. But it’s not true.

A horror schlock film is not inherently better than an animated film.

I don’t blame the staff on all its shortcomings. Kids WB was on its deathbed, so they probably had less time to work and iron out ideas. And executive meddling.

The second season had a lot of good elements, but there are things that weighed it down. I am here to discuss how to improve said things.

Heads up: ended up editing part of this post after rewatching the episodes.

This first bit is more of a personal preference, but instead of the 41st century, maybe move the original source of conflict to a farther region of space, one that the UP doesn’t interact with, and has been growing in terms of turmoil until they finally resort to bringing the Legion over. In other words, it has just been put aside by everyone else to the last minute.

Parallel to Brainy’s relationship to Brainiac. He doesn’t want to deal with it. He never brings it up. But maybe if he did, he wouldn’t have gotten corrupted.

This place still has plenty of old documentation of the original age of superman, so Kell is disillusioned with the ideal glory days. Keep Kell Edgy.

Kell’s home and K3NT still gets destroyed - reflects Krypton’s own destruction.

SPEAKING OF KELL:

Make his story more apparent that it’s one realizing that kindness is not an inherent weakness. And neither is being soft. He was raised for fighting and killing Imperiex, and was taught to think that they were weaknesses. Have him realize his identity can be beyond the Clone of Superman made to kill Imperiex. Or rather, have him react more to realizing that he’s moving beyond his given identity.

To clarify; they do address his development in the show a few times, but I want more continuous development instead of the rapid nods we get. Have him try to interact in a more humane way with others. Especially with other members of the Legion. Where they have to take a double take in seeing him acting not that edgy. Maybe offer more flashback of him fighting Imperiex in comparison, and how he treated allies then.

Also put K3NT’s story under the microscope. I doubt Imperiex just came out of nowhere with his attacks. Plus the fact they went far enough to send a hitman after a fucking child? That screams yikes and maybe we need to double check the story.

And an overall issue to be addressed is what rights do robots have and what conditions need to be met? Because let’s face it, we make robots to do complex work for us. But Colu is a culture where the main people ARE robots. Like in Transformers. What line do we draw between non-sentient robots vs the sentient ones in the 31st century? And what about cyborgs/people who give up their original bodies for robotic ones?

Plus Imperiex himself came to be because of the perfected combination of organic tissue and robotics. This topic of robots and individuality/personhood could have been a fun topic to explore.

Don’t sideline the girls. Leave TG alone. 

Don’t put SG in a coma for nearly the whole season - seriously it’s the reason why the guys make one bad decision after the other. Although with that said, it’s because she’s not around we got the majority of s2 plots. She’s the goddamn mom of the squad. Just make her busier and unable to keep an eye on her idiot boys for the plots based on bad decisions to happen. 

Or have her deal with after-effects of what Esper did to her. Maybe after a whole season of being the emotional support character, have her be the one in need of emotional support or not being able to help directly, especially when the group needs emotional support. Emotional support paradox.

Maybe don’t make Cosmic Boy appear as much as a dick in the episodes where he does show up. He’s trying to hold this goddamn team together, and there’s a goddamn tyrant trying to conquer the galaxy. HE’S FUCKING TIRED AND STRESSED. AND IM SURE THERE ARE A BUNCH OF JERKS WHO WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT TO DISSOLVE THE LEGION. Better yet, throw in some more backstory with him and his little brother Pol!

And in regards to Imperiex… The dude has a lot of potential. I like his voice actor, Phil Morris. The guy voiced Dr. Sweets from Atlantis.

But his writing needs help.

In the original DC comics, he’s the embodiment of Entropy. Anyone who’s seen Madoka is probably familiar with what that is. But if you're not, here’s a definition: “ the measure of a system’s thermal energy per unit temperature that is unavailable for doing useful work...” He’s the embodiment of that energy that cannot be used for anything. And Entropy grows over time.

Another definition of what Entropy is “lack of order or predictability; gradual decline into disorder.”

In the comics, he’s more of a cosmic being as a result of him being an embodiment of unusable energy. He’s been in existence since, well, the beginning. He had destroyed the universe and recreated it multiple times. Okay, so that lines up with how the show portrays him. And technically, he does get the universe to reset itself in the 41st century when he alters the 31st century enough.

But I personally feel that making him a cosmic being is kinda… meh?

I personally prefer more personal villains most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, an Eldritch being done right makes a great character, but I can’t see Imperiex as one. At least not LoSH’s version.

Plus I like it when the protagonist sees the villain has a point and has changed as a result for the better.

You know, over a year ago, I used to think that it was impossible to make a tyrannical villain who’s presented as real evil seem complex.

And then… I was introduced to TFP Megatron.

Now for you LoSH fans who haven’t watched Transformers Prime, Megatron was once Megatronus. A low caste member who worked in the mines and Gladiator games. He wanted to fix the growing corruption of Cybertron. To make things better.

But his worse personality traits took over, and he lost that good motivation. Now he’s just fighting to win and defeat Optimus Prime. 

But despite the change of goals and ideals, he doesn’t want to simply abandon his relationship with Optimus. He and Optimus, or as he used to be called, Orion, were fighting for the betterment of society. And they meant something to each other. Megatron doesn’t want to just get it over with. He wants fanfare for his victory over Optimus. And he doesn’t want anyone else to rob him off that. But he isn’t opposed to getting Optimus/Orion back on his side. It’s because of this you can still argue that there is a remaining shred of good in him.

They were the best young lovers anD NO I AM NOT CRYING OVER THEM!

Also, the fact we know he was part of a minority group in the form of the lower cast  that was enslaved can make us sympathize with Megatronus of the past, as well as understand how he came to be.

It doesn’t mean we forgive him for his actions - and he has done a lot of shitty things. And I mean a lot.

But his history is more understandable. TFP Megatron’s a fall from grace.

OK I’m done dissecting TFP Meg’s writing.

We know Imperiex was a slave, and was originally organic, who’s from a society where his purpose is literally just to fight, and was gradually stripped of his original body. He was originally stripped of any agency before then though.

But he says this was a good thing. Calling his original body a weakness. And refers to his old self as a pathetic slave.

He gave up whatever softness he had.

Also, this is where K3NT’s story needs to be reexamined. Imperiex was made during what K3NT described as “A Time of Extended Prosperity”. That time had freaking slaves. And K3NT says that when Imperiex did rise up, they were unprepared. So… they were prosperous, but lacked defense to prevent anything like that happening? Or perhaps those who were in charge were that unpopular that it was easy for Imperiex to start the war.

What made him decide conquering the galaxy was the next thing to do after he had every bit of his original self stripped away? Why go as far as destroy it?

What I’m trying to say is that they could borrow a few pages from the Megatron book. Maybe he was once trying to better the society he was part of, but he decides to play the violent card at some point. And somewhere along that strategy, he starts to lose sight of the initial goal. With that, being the victor and in control becomes the main one.

Or perhaps he has grown cynical of the galaxy as it is and decides it just needs to go all together, and then start from scratch.

Like the second definition of Entropy, he gradually declines in predictability and descends into disorder.

Maybe to juxtaposition the fact that Brainiac became the main threat at the end, make him the opposite or foil to him. Rationality or logic do not serve as first-or-second influences to decisions under pressure. Emotions and his own perceived ideas do.

Speaking of Brainiac, maybe offer more of the OG Brainiac. Give us more of that smooth-voiced Corey Burton. 

Or TFA Megatron.

Seductive Bastard.

I’m sorry I have fallen for the shady-business-mafia-boss-but-morally-grey robot.

Also, the members of the legion that only get one episode focus? Give them more screen time. You can’t just introduce superman’s new adopted son Karate Kid and just not bring him for another speaking role again!

Actually, that brings me to another point.

As @spandexinspace​ pointed out, his episode is not the best, and is arguably the worst written of the whole series. Things that are issues do get brushed off to the side.

So a proposal on potential rewrite:

First, have the legion look over its current rules and what exceptions/changes they need to make.

Explore the subject of kids having to participate in these fights.

To clarify, kid shows are meant to be escapism for kids.

Shocking, I know.

So it makes sense that some characters would be the same age as the viewers. 

But while this is good representation, as you get older, you find yourself going “WHY WOULD THE ADULTS LET THEM ENDANGER THEMSELVES?!”

Kids having to fight at that age does have consequences. Batman Beyond certainly addressed it. So did Steven Universe Future.

Steven ended up being responsible for so much, that when he no longer needed to take care of things, he was unsure of who he was. And then there’s the fact he ended up with PTSD because of him having to fight so much. Then you have the fact that Greg and Rose never intended to raise him like their caretakers did... but as good as their intentions were, they still caused damage. Rose for… all the gem stuff. And look, Greg is a great dad, but not enforcing anything for Steven when he’s growing up still has it’s cost.

With Batman, he’s obviously going to do his damn best to keep kids safe, including the Robins. But sometimes, it’s not enough. He wasn’t able to keep Tim safe in the event with the Joker in Batman Beyond. Where he was held captive and tortured.

But the Batkids are never expected to resolve this stuff by themselves. Because Batman knows how much you can get screwed up as a kid. He fucking cares.

And to be fair, in most continuities I’m aware of, the other sidekicks came out pretty okay overall.

Except Jason Todd.

So my proposal?

Have Val originally with Grimbor, as a sort of Protege. But have the legion capture him, only to go “uhhh this is a child with no powers”. And Superman, being the good, wholesome paragon we all love, takes him under his wing.

In all honesty, I want Superman pulling a batdad for Karate Kid in his intro episode the whole time. That was the best part of the episode for me.

Plus after the events of “Cry Wolf”, the Legion should examine the no-killing rule. Because they do need to kill Imperiex to save the universe. But that goes against the code. But they can argue it’s a necessity. But Mar Londo is also a monster. He’s the everyday monster some of us have grown up with.

When do you need to make exceptions to kill someone?

And my final main suggestion:

Add more Mekt.

What the heck were you guys expecting? You all KNOW me by now. I LOVE MY GARBAGE BOY.

Joking aside, here’s what I would do.

Have the Chained Lightning episode pushed back, but have Mekt with Imperiex earlier. Most of us would yell “Why the heck would you join the guy whose main goal is to destroy the galaxy?!” But this is one of the easiest things to address.

Explore more of his past. Use the comic sources with him being outcast for being a solo on Winath. With that in mind, him deciding to side with Imperiex can make sense.

Why try protecting something that has done nothing but hurt you?

There’s actually a pretty good reason why he would side with Imperiex, as seen in Champions and Lightning Storm. Remember, Mekt was willing to cheat to get ahead of the sports competition he was introduced in. And also was thrilled when fighting Garth and was beating him on his own. He likes being in power.

Imperiex offers him that.

As for why Imperiex would bother with Mekt? That’s a little harder to answer. He knows that Mekt has a soft spot for his brother, and in turn sister, which proves to be the reason why the Tachyon Cannon fails. You’d think Imperiex would remove a huge fatality.

But he doesn’t.

Maybe he could hold another type of value for Mekt. Perhaps... nostalgia?

I’m still sold on the idea that they were sleeping together.

Also, give us a conclusive answer on where Mekt stands with the LSV. In the comics, he was the leader, but that role was given to Tyr in the cartoon more or less.

OK I think this has been polished enough for me to post now. What you guys think? Feel free to add on!

[jklmn-oh]

Room for Two Pt. 2

Genre : roommates!au, fluff, smut

Pairing : Jungkook x reader

Words : 3,446

This chapter has sexual content.

Summary : Having a crush can be hard sometimes. But what’s harder is when you stupidly decide to hook up with him, and recently he turns out to be your new roommate.

The plan of washing your clothes did not happen at all. The moment Jungkook has decided to bring you to his room, he never stopped until you have to beg him to. If you let him continue with eating you out and making you cum, you wouldn’t be able to leave his dorm and head on to yours. You were supposed to have a movie night with your friends and now that might just be a bad idea instead of sleeping in on a Saturday.

Jungkook insisted that instead of giving him a blowjob, he will walk you home, and that thought has rang too many alarms in your head. First alarm, Jungkook has been very extra sweet since this morning. Second alarm, walking you to your dorm means your friends will see him. Third alarm and most important of all, your friends have been ringing your phone since last night and yet you chose to ignore it and continue sucking the boy’s cock. What a shitty friend you are.

“Baby girl, you’re so good with that mouth.” Jungkook groaned once he finally came and lay down his bed lifeless. He pulled you beside him and made you lay your head on his chest. One thing you knew about Jungkook that not anyone would know is that the boy is a total cuddler. He hates it when his friends try to be clingy with him, especially Jimin, Taehyung, and Hoseok. But now, this cute boy even had the courage to kiss the top of your head as if you two have been dating for how many months?

Jungkook’s phone rang momentarily harmonizing with yours and that might be the signal for you to leave. You sat up and grabbed the clothes Jungkook let you borrow and wore them. Your clothes from last night were already kept inside your bag, which is a back pack and who carries a back pack inside a club? You, of course.

The boy grabbed his phone from the nightstand and read the text message. “Oh, shit.” He cursed.

“What is it?” you asked as you fished your phone out of your bag. “Oh my goodness.” A hundred texts from your dorm mates combined plus twenty voicemails from Luna and Debby? You definitely have a lot of explaining to do.

“It’s just, I suddenly can’t remember if I paid rent last month?” Jungkook said as he pondered over it. “Jin-hyung sent me a text saying that I will be moving out.”

You giggled. “Aw, then maybe you even missed the month before that they decided to kick you out.”

“Nah, I’m sure I paid.” Jungkook’s phone made another ding. “He’s asking me to look at my e-mail.”

“That you should, or you might start packing?” you joked, to which he laughed. You have never imagined this to happen. Sure you did fantasize about the dear boy, but have you never thought that all of this would be real. You inside his room, laughing so casually with a naked boy in front of you. Your laugh halted as you placed one strap of your back pack on your shoulder. “I should go.”

“I could really walk you to your dorm.” He said.

“Do you even know where I live?” you smirked. “What if I’m living just a floor above yours?”

“Then why leave early?” he challenged. Welp, you really aren’t up for doing mind games right now. You really have to leave.

“It’s almost lunch time, my dorm mates even bombarded my phone with calls and texts.” You say, “At least let me see them? Are you planning on caging me in your room huh?”

Jungkook didn’t bother answering your question. Instead, he looked you with soulful eyes and asked, “Will we meet again?”

“I think so?” you told him. “We’re in the same university, Jungkook. I’m sure we would meet again.”

He shook his head, “I mean, can we meet again? Like…”

“Like?”

“Never mind.” He smiled. “Do you want me to walk you to the door?”

You suddenly remembered the first time the two of you talked in sophomore year. If there was anything notable that you have learned from the boy, is that he likes to cut himself off when talking and back off like a scared puppy. As much as you’d want to know what he was supposed to ask you, you just brushed it off. Anyway, this was just a one night stand. Even though you would like to hang around with Jungkook, you know that will not be the case. This was just a one time thing and if it weren’t for the alcohol, you wouldn’t be where you are.

“I know my way out, thanks.” You say. “Have a nice day and um, nice to meet you?”

“Yeah, you too.”

-

Getting back to your dorm was a total disaster. The moment you went in; your dorm mates were all rushing towards you. “We saw you with Jungkook last night!” they said in unison as they pulled you towards the living room. You were sat on the couch as they sat on the floor facing you like a child waiting for their mother to tell a story about Cinderella.

“You and Jungkook fucked! I knew it!” Mina exclaimed before you could even talk, and earning a glare from Leena.

“You’re not supposed to say it that way, Mina!” she said.

“But it’s true!” Mina glared back at Leena. The two girls fighting are never a rare occurrence in the dorm. In fact, it has always been like that because they were friends since high school who love annoying the hell out of each other. “Didn’t you, Y/N?”

“What?” you went back to your senses, looking back at your friends. “Uh, well…”

“You did!” Leena pointed at you accusingly. “What have you done? Why did you do that? It’s Jeon Jungkook for goodness sake!”

Luna then laughed, silencing everyone. “Calm down you guys. Y/N haven’t even told us her side yet.” She looked at you. “And it’s not like she can’t do what she wants, right Y/N?”

“Uh, yes?” of all the people, you haven’t really expected Luna to act this way. You expected her to scold you like Mina and Leena were doing because to them, even though you were the third oldest, you were the baby. You grew up from a pretty strict and tight household that was why you had a hard time learning what college life was: cramming, procrastination, partying till sun rise, and just not doing the best decisions in life but still enjoying and surviving. That also meant you rarely hang out with boys, let alone sleep at their places, or hook up with them when you barely know them. But this is Jeon Jungkook, you might be that shy girl but you’re not exactly innocent, right?

You realized how the girls were playing with you once Yena started to laugh. “I can’t put a serious face on. Let’s stop this!”

Everyone laughed and you sulked. “I hate everyone!”

“We’re just kidding oh my god, you chill sis.” Mina said, hugging you and giving you a kiss on the cheek.

“Ew.” You grumbled, still pouting while looking on the floor.

“I’m not asking you to tell us everything but how good was he?” Leena asked, “you got here pretty late so did you have round two? Oh, wait, it was just two rounds, or three? Or more?!”

Everyone laughed with Leena earning a punch on the shoulder from Luna, “stop it!” she told her. Luna looked at you, as if she was waiting for something.

“What? Do I really to answer that?” you groaned, covering your face with your palms.

“Well, we do tell you when we have sex with-” Yena teased but you stopped her. “It’s not like I asked, though.”

“Oh come on!” Luna blurted, “We all know how much you’re crushing on this boy, okay? So we gotta know this big big progress between the two of you.”

“Well,” Lenna stood up, about to leave. “Let’s just not push her, okay?”

“Ugh, fine.” You moaned in a non-sexual way, but more of on a whiny tone. “It was amazing, as in. The least I can tell you is that I came uh… three times this morning.”

“WHAT?” they all squealed.

“Jungkook really did have sex with you this morning? He did not ask you to leave?” Leena knelt in front of you and started asking questions. If anything, they are all supportive with your crush over the said boy, it’s just you were being stubborn as hell, acting like a mad shy high school girl who only wants to see the boy they like from afar.

“Jungkook doesn’t exactly let his hook ups stay the night, even.” Yena said, “heard from a classmate who hooked up with him, she had to take the walk of shame while he and his dorm mates are having breakfast because she insisted to stay.”

You suddenly remembered, “He asked his dorm mates to leave so we could have breakfast.”

“WHAT?!”

“What?” you looked at them shocked that they were screaming, and this time accompanied with some jumping.

“The boy likes you, Y/N. he would not kick his dorm mates out just for him to have breakfast with you.” Mina screamed, being warned by Leena about the noise warnings. “And he had sex with you this morning! Dear god, our friend is finally having a boyfriend!”

“Or not, what if Y/N was so good at sucking him that he wants her to be his fuck buddy?” It was as if there was an imaginary light bulb on top of Yena’s head that she pointed her finger at you, “You sly mix, you’re a sex goddess!”

“What? No!” you groaned. “What are you guys talking about? Jungkook wants nothing more, okay? I’m sure he wouldn’t even talk to me after that. Besides, it’s not like I see him on a daily, or at all. That boy updates his social media once in a blue moon, and last night was like the second time I saw him this junior year.”

Everyone went quiet and you weren’t sure if that was a good thing. After a full minute, Leena decided to break the silence by saying, “Anyway, everyone will have re-assigned rooms.”

“Why?”

“You should read this.” Mina handed you her phone. Looking at the screen was an email from the dorm administration stating that there will no longer be students who can rent a room for themselves only. Meaning, there will now be roommate system effective today. “What?...”

You love personal space, you take your privacy on a serious note. That is why having a roommate is a big no-no for you. However, with the revised dorm regulations of “roomies”, you know it’s over. The sudden fluctuation of the student population may have caused it because a few days back, you hear a lot of freshmen wanted to rent a room. It’s not like you have a choice, and you’re a junior anyway, there’s nothing you can do – or you could find yourself an apartment outside the university, which is quite expensive; or a sorority house who can adopt your introverted ass – which will never be the case.

“So, do we have new roommates already?”

“No-”

“-yes,” Leena said. “But they’ll be here until next month, to fix things here and there.”

“No, yes? What does that mean?” you asked. Your friends only looked at each other, but then Luna smiled, “it means someone might have asked Leena already and she agreed. Leena is like our RA and she’s like our mother.”

“Aw, thanks.” Leena cooed. “Anyways, yep. Someone did ask me, and they’re a group of five. I figured it’s better to let them rent 2 and a half of the rooms since we are five ourselves.”

“2 and a half? That means…”

Leena looked at Mina, “Yep, one of us must be roomies with one of them too. Or, I don’t know, we could be roomies with them, depends on how the room assignments will be. I feel like it would be safe to assign roomies when they’re here, right? We have five rooms, and if we don’t exactly like them then we could probably give them only one room and share the four.”

Ten people in one dorm? That sounds a lot but you trust Leena has made the right decision, and again, you were bound with no choice. It was in the damned dorm regulations.

“Having roommates is good,” Yena said. “That way, our monthly rent will be cut into half. More money for food and clubbing!!!”

“Speaking of which,” Luna turned to you. “My friend Mingyu is throwing out a party on his crib next, next Friday. We should come! It’s on the 17th St.”

You stood up and sigh, “Well, count me out. I’m still in a bit of one of the worst hangover of my existence and I don’t think I’m up for another round of it.”

“Oh, come on! Jungkook’s gonna be there,” Mina sulked. “You clearly enjoyed clubbing last night, girl.”

“All the more reasons to not attend. I don’t think I wanna see Jungkook.” You grumbled, to which the girls snickered. You turn to them before holding the door knob to your room. “Seriously?”

“Oh, baby girl.” you stiffened at the pet name. Flashbacks of everything that happened between you and Jungkook coursed through your mind. Why are you so not into the idea of meeting the said boy? Was it anger, was it because you actually caved in to his advances?

“I just, I’ll think about it.” You told them, and entered your room.

-

One thing for sure, your friends will do anything to make you do what they want to do in exchange of something that you really want to have or do. So the next day, you were lounging in the living room, sitting on the couch with Luna, scrolling through your social media feed when you saw the trailer of this favorite book you read on your Kindle one time. You literally squealed, announcing your love for the movie right away. It premiers on Friday, and you knew you have to watch it. The problem, however, is that it premiers on this movie subscription site you cannot afford. You know you can download it illegally, but you were too lazy to do that, also considering the viruses that may potentially harm your laptop – which is also a university issued one. And then it hit you that Luna owns an account on the said site, “Hey Luna, will you lend me your Netflix account on Friday evening? I want to watch a movie.”

“Well, I’d say yes, but I remembered we have a party on Friday that we have to attend.” Luna said, looking at her own phone.

“You won’t use it in the party?” you say, lifting a brow.

“And you won’t either.” She chuckled, “you’re coming with us, sweet heart.”

“Apparently, I can’t because I’m gonna watch this movie,” you proudly say.

“Except I won’t lend you unless you come with us, “she smirked. “You can watch it on Saturday.” You were about to retort, but the golden deal comes, “I will lend you this, when you come with us.”

And that was why you were left alone seated on one of the corner couches, watching your friends dance in the middle of the living room that looked more of a dance floor than a part of a normal house. What else can you expect from this kind of houses, though? The kid who invited everyone here is from a rich family, the house itself doesn’t look like a normal house to you.

For a moment, you have somehow forgotten about your hook up with Jungkook. Midterm is already starting and since this part of the semester holds the second highest percentage for the final grade, so you were determined to study the hell out of this term. Except that, well, you’re stuck in this party until your friends decide it was the tie to go.

You aren’t exactly a party pooper, or some kind of kill joy – no. For once, you enjoy parties and all that stuff, it was just since you were born and raised in the strict household, you were used to getting home early, and doing nothing that has to do with alcohol and all that kind of stuff. Plus, the strictness of your parents get in your nerves most of the time. It was as if they still have their pairs of eyes on you all this time even at college. You remember on your second year, you went to this concert of your favorite band and you got home (since it was a weekend and it was your aunt’s birthday the next day) at eleven. You can remember how angry your parents were, already trying to question everything about your lifestyle. You love them, but they can be strict as hell it honestly gave you anxiety.

“Do you wanna dance?”

Your thoughts went back to where you were when you heard that voice. Your heart raced, it did not because of fright but because of… giddiness? The voice itself given an excitement within you that you cannot explain. Or maybe you do. Looking up, it was Jungkook, holding two cups of red beer pong cups, one extended towards you.

“Ah, I still have a drink.” You told him.

He remained standing, staring at you with glimmer in his eyes, as if he was so excited to meet you again. “May I sit?”

“Oh! Oh, yes. Of course.” You immediately say. Jungkook gave you that toothy smile he used to give his friends when they crack a nice joke but still not laugh-worthy. He sat beside you and placed both the cups on the table beside your cup. Placing his hands on his lap, he asked, while turning his body towards you, “So, why are you alone?”

“They were dancing.” You answered, eyes still in the direction of your friends, who must have no idea where you were right now, considering they head straight for the dance floor.

He laughed. Oh, that laugh. “I mean, why won’t you join them?”

“It’s not like I wanna be here, you know.” You said bluntly. “I was supposed to be at home but Luna made a deal with me.”

“I haven’t you the past two weeks.” He said, suddenly changing the topic. “I asked Leena for your number but she said it’s better if I ask you that. However, it’s as if you were hiding from me.”

“What? No. Why would you do that?” you asked, but in truth, you really were hiding from him. Having sex with the boy has given you mixed feelings, again returning to the idea that maybe you were just lusting for the boy instead of really having a crush on him. Also, all these unnecessary heart thumps you get whenever he’s near and acknowledging your presence has been driving you nuts. So you were left with just staying away from where he is.

“I don’t know, maybe because we had sex?” he answered. “But you weren’t ignoring me, right? We’re good?”

“We’re… good. Yes.” You mumbled, looking at him, zeroing on his lips. Would he hate it if you kiss him right then and there? Nah, of course he would.

Realizing the length of how long the two of you has been looking at each other, he coughed and looked away, grabbing his cup and drinking from it. “So, if you weren’t here, what were you supposed to be doing?”

“Watching a movie.” You say, leaning your back on the couch, only to be met by Jungkook’s arm extended on the couch. You blushed, but you thank the lightings for hiding it away.

“What movie?”

“To All the Boys I Loved Before.”

“If you agree, we could watch it together right now,” he said. Thinking it was a joke, you laughed, “It’s not like we can watch it here.”

“We can watch it in your place.” He said. “That way I can also be familiar to where we will live soon.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“What?” Jungkook looked at you innocently. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Yes, that part where you said you’re going to be familiar to where you will live soon?” you air-quoted. “With who?”

The boy sat up straight, placing his cup back on the table and smirked, “What, you didn’t know?”

“Didn’t know what?” you say, frowning. To Jungkook, clearly, you were confused.

“We’re going to be roomies.”

[stammiviktor]

Requesting DVD Commentary for Tether, from "He'll fight" to "He's all I have". I'm interested in this whole scene really, but I tried to narrow it down a little. :D

[this is for the DVD commentary fanfic ask game here. Send me an excerpt from any of my stories if you want to hear my thought process behind it!]

Thank you Cait! I have a lot to say about this story, so the majority of this is going under a read more lol. I hope no one minds if I include a few lines before your selection starts for context, also.

(Link to the story here!)

“I’ll be twenty-six. And that’s only if he makes it that long.”

Yuuri is on eggshells. He fidgets. “Your grandfather seems really stubborn.”

“Yeah, well, his heart apparently isn’t.”

“He’ll fight—”

“So what?” He turns his head, trying to bore a hole through Yuuri now. “Ten years, twelve years, what’s the difference? He’s almost eighty.”

Yuuri tries his best to make his voice sound gentle. “Ten years is a long time. A decade…”

“Fuck, Katsudon, that’s not the point.” His eyes are red and wild and growing more so by the second. “Ten years, and where will I be? Still training. Still competing. You know I hadn’t seen him since Rostelecom?”

One of the greatest things about this show, in my opinion, is all of the different types of love it showcases. Yes, Yuuri and Viktor’s love story is at the center, but we have a whole supporting cast of characters that love our main characters and each other, as sons or brothers or grandchildren or adopted sons-in-laws, and are loved in return. Yuri loves his grandfather. This is very clear from the first few episodes, when Nikolai is Yuri’s inspiration for Agape, and Nikolai so clearly loves Yuri - I mean, Yuri mentions pork cutlet bowls one time in passing and Nikolai goes home that day and invents katsudon pirozhki.

But I think it’s also glaringly clear from the show that Nikolai is Yuri’s only support network. His mother is obviously not in the picture, to say nothing of his father. And they haven’t lived in the same city since Yuri was, what, ten or eleven? And how often can Yuri possibly see him, for a few weeks during the off season? Once a year at Rostelecom?

Figure skating is Yuri’s passion, it’s something he loves enough to dedicate his life to it, but it also demands incredible sacrifice. It demands money, time, and your body. (“If selling my soul is what it takes to win, I’ll give you this body, no holds barred.”)

Yuri’s point in this excerpt, as he says, is that it doesn’t matter if his grandfather surpasses everyone’s expectations and lives longer than the max ten years of the doctor’s prognosis. Whether Yuri realized it before or not, whether he was just avoiding thinking about it, he can’t avoid it now: his grandfather is old and his grandfather will die. Yuri has very limited time with him. His grandfather likely won’t live to see Yuri’s entire figure skating career. There’s a clock staring him in the face now, counting down from ten with the knowledge that it could be longer or shorter but that his grandfather, the man who raised him and supports and loves him, will be gone by the time Yuri is Viktor’s age.

So, effectively, Yuri feels torn in two directions, between his love of his grandfather and his love of skating. He feels like he can’t have both. He feels like he’s sacrificed his grandfather in pursuit of the ice. He feels guilty but also sick looking at the future and knowing this isn’t going to change. He can’t give up one or the other. And he’s already wasted so much precious time without even realizing it.

There it is.

Vicchan’s in Yuuri’s head, then, as small and soft and bouncingly happy as the day Yuuri left him for Detroit and, as it turns out, never saw him again. He nods and tries to get his voice to work around the lump in his throat.

“Okay. I understand.”

This isn’t the first time we’ve seen a character have this conflict. Yuuri ‘sacrificed’ his relationship with his beloved Vicchan in pursuit of his skating career– he leaves Hasetsu at 18 and for some reason never comes back even to visit. He missed precious time with someone/something he loved because he was far away pursuing his dream. You can’t make that time back up. You can’t change it. And Yuuri probably understands that part of what has Yuri so freaked out is that this could have been worse than just a scare - his grandfather could have actually died this time, and Yuri wouldn’t have had the chance to say goodbye or even have seen him once in the time leading up to his death, just like Yuuri didn’t with Vicchan.

Yuri’s not talking anymore. He’s looking away, white fingers balled in white sheets. His knees are drawing closer to his chest, making him smaller, smaller, until Yuuri notices a fine tremor ripple through the boy’s shoulders.

“Yura…”

There’s a low noise, barely discernable, from Yuri’s throat that means nothing and everything at the same time. On the wall, the banner encourages davai, Yuri! and his eyes are searching every other part of the room but there.

I wanted to write this story partially for this scene. This entire story is Yuri struggling with being vulnerable, and in this scene he’s finally breaking down but he’s still fighting at every step. Yuuri, though he’s used to crying more so than Yuri (especially in front of others), understands this struggle to hold himself together very well. He has a lot of empathy for Yuri in this moment.

When he finally speaks it’s in Russian, hometown accent barely there as his voice cracks and curls in on itself.

“He’s all I…”

Yuuri wants to not understand, but he does anyway. He reaches out before he can stop himself, his hand finding Yuri’s balled into a fist around the sheets. There’s that noise again, like something choked back, and Yuri’s chin falls to his chest. Behind locks of straw-like hair, his eyes are screwed shut.

The hand lets go of the sheets and makes a fist around Yuuri’s fingers, instead. A breath, then, barely audible:

“He’s all I have.”

Yuuri understands feeling like you’re fighting alone. Even with his massive support system (something Yuri doesn’t share) he knows how terrifying and pressure-inducing those feelings can be. Soon after this, he will reassure Yuri that even if he feels like he’s alone, he isn’t.

It just comes down to the fact that Yuri is scared. He’s only sixteen and he feels responsible for taking care of his grandfather now, which is a common role reversal in parent-child relationships but Yuri is extraordinarily young to be dealing with this, and has absolutely no other family to lean on. Plus, he lives far away, hasn’t seen him in months, and knows now that their time is limited. He’s terrified.

Yuuri doesn’t try to fix it. He can’t change the situation, no matter how shitty it is. But what he does, and what he has been doing since the beginning of the story, is refusing to let Yuri feel like he’s fighting alone. He is being Yuri’s support network (or at least a representative in Moscow of Yuri’s support network that is comprised of himself, Viktor, Yakov, Lilia, etc). He listens to Yuri, tries to help in any way he can, and makes sure this boy who is little more than a child knows that there are many people who love him and will help him if he will just let them.

It doesn’t change the fact that Nikolai is Yuri’s only blood family. It doesn’t change the fact that he will be dead before Yuri retires. But it does help.

(This turned more into an in-depth analysis than it did a DVD-style commentary on what I was thinking as I wrote it and how it all came to be. All of that is a bit too personal, though, so we’re gonna stick with meta-analysis lol)

[jerrykatt]

Voltron/Percy Jackson Xover Part 2

Here's part one. I'd recommend reading it before coming back to this.

And so, now we know that Leo was rejected by his mother's family, his own aunt labeling him a diablo, a devil. We know that he was shunted off into the system with little sympathy and even less kindness. We know that the memory of his mother's death haunts his steps like an eldritch phantom. But now another death plagues him with suffocating guilt. The death of the man who chose to be left behind in a firestorm, knowing that his death was mere moments away but willing to face it head on if it meant he could save one small fledgling life.

He didn't remember much in the aftermath, that much was certain what with the shock that set in.

The fire giving one last heaving roar, reminiscent of a dragon's destructive fury. The unnatural explosion of force rocking the building. A woman's silhouette, standing tall and sinisterly pleased with her spiteful vengeance, throwing one last malevolent sneer in his direction before sinking into the earth below her feet.

The ringing in his ears and the ladder being blasted backwards.

Falling and screaming. An unmerciful impact with the pavement and his vision going black.

Waking up in a hospital, alone and unwanted.

It was all too much of a blur for Leo's young mind to comprehend in his traumatized state. But one of the things he did remember, besides the hole in his life where his mother should have been, was finding out the fireman's name. Or at least, the last part of it.

Kogane.

(That's where we see Keith fit into this chapter of Leo's life.)

Like Leo, Keith was also unfortunately placed into foster care. I haven't decided yet on how they meet after the fire. Perhaps they were sent to the same group home? Maybe they ran into each other after running from their respective foster families, sleeping under the same freeway overpasses? Either way, they might've become friends for a short time and then the classic reveal happens - Leo finds out Keith's last name, and ultimately the fact that his father was Fireman Kogane.

Leo can't face him anymore, not with the knowledge that he was reason his friend's father went up in flames. His flames.

He runs. And Keith? Well...

His mother's glaring absence, His father's death, and now his friend's unexplained rejection.

Each cut into his chest like a knife, as sharp as the blade he kept strapped to his belt.

The same blade that gives him a goal. A purpose.

To find his past. To find some answers.

(Anything to distract from the gnawing resentment, the aching loneliness)

So yeah. Keith takes it hard. But this is the perfect place to pause and explain EXACTLY why I chose Krolia to be Aphrodite in this AU. And, ultimately, why I thought Keith being the son of the goddess of love made SO MUCH SENSE. AND ALSO LETS NOT FORGET SEASON SEVEN ADDING MORE SPICE TO THE MIX

Let's start with Krolia. Krolia and Canon!Aphrodite have... little in common when it comes to personality. At least with the depictions I've read in PJO where Canon!Aphrodite apparently approves of her children breaking hearts (It's apparently a rite of passage in Aphrodite's cabin if I remember correctly). And the fact that her negative traits could be summarized in how one of her demigod children turned out (I'm looking at you Drew). Anyways here's where my idea comes in.

Sit up and away from your computer screen and take a look around at the world. Times are changing, standards are being shattered and rebuilt with each passing day. The concept of beauty itself is being torn into different directions. We have people who still prefer the classic hourglass figure, the full lips and sultry eyes, the flawless skin and the soft spoken nature of a damsel in distress. People who want the pretty princess bride, the stay at home wives.

Not necessarily weak in some aspects, but definitely not at the strongest potential either.

Still, it is the usual form that Canon!Aphrodite takes with little difference made when approaching each potential lover.

And on the other end of the spectrum, we have people who are attracted to independence, intellect, and strength. They want someone as either an equal or more than that. They like big biceps and thick muscular thighs.

We especially have people who don't care for what their precious people look like and end up adoring every part of them anyway. These people are muddled in the middle of the spectrum. They want something more raw, more real. It doesn't matter if the person is thick or thin, hairy or bald, or if they're missing a limb or two. A big nose? Bad breakout of zits? Trust me, for these people, it only adds to the charm.

I'd imagine in this turbulent world where opinions of beauty were being bounced around like a particularly ill aimed bouncy ball (one that would more than likely smack you in the face rather than land safely back in your hand), Aphrodite would end up having an identity crisis.

God's and goddesses have a sustainability that is based on mortal's worship and the strength of their domain. Aphrodite had enough mortals immortalizing her presence in art and literature to keep her remembered, that certainly wasn't the problem. Neither was the concept of love. Love was universal, the goddess of love understood that more than anyone. The problem was that Aphrodite's physical form was constantly fluctuating due to her the part of her domain pertaining to beauty being... constantly reconstructed? Stretched thin? I'm not sure how to describe it. All I can tell you is that Aphrodite ran from Olympus as she felt her powers getting out of hand. Maybe Haggar/Gaea and Zarkon/Uranus had planned to amplify the effects of what a changing society can do to a godly being? Perhaps Aphrodite was chosen to be a test subject to see if such a thing could be used as a weapon?

Regardless of the cause, the goddess fell to earth. She crashed outside a certain fireman's house and when she woke, her form had settled into the one we all know and love - Krolia's. Yep, purple skin, dual toned hair, pointed ears, claws, inhuman eyes, the whole package. I'm not kidding. Also I'm pretty sure if she hadn't sustained a concussion (and hadn't been so... pleasantly distracted by Kogane nursing her back to health) she would have screamed bloody murder at her reflection. She's at least grateful that she managed to keep her mile long legs (even if they now had her towering over most mortals) As it is, her powers are temporarily rendered useless because of the strain of her transformation.

Also the panic attack that she had once everything registered didn't help. Thankfully Kogane managed to calm her down, with a soothing voice and gentle rough hands.

Things settle. At first when they make introductions, she mixes up two of her usual aliases "Kristine" and "Olivia" and ends up blurting out "Krolia" instead, much to her horror. And after an awkward minute of panic she also reveals more than what she was intending to bargain for. Oddly enough, the goddess reveals her true nature right off the bat and Kogane takes it in stride just like he did with the whole Canon!Alien issue. Usually she keeps her lips smartly sealed but.... right now? She's doesn't have the confidence that comes with her preferred, perfect yet almost plastic form. She's disoriented and confused and homesick and a little fucked up in the head right now.

Kogane helps her through it. And with him guiding her, she discovers new things about herself, and is reminded of the better parts of who she is and who she could potentially become.

To no ones surprise, they fall in love. And to Krolia's surprise, she ends up WANTING to stay, even -ESPECIALLY- after giving birth to this man's child. His son. Her son.

Their son.

But monsters from Tartarus have always lied in wait. She leaves just like in Canon. Because of one too many close shaves with beasts and traitorous gods alike trying to snatch away her new found happiness and self discovery. She leaves to protect the person she loves most.

Their son. Keith.

((Again I'm on a tight schedule (needing two jobs sucks sometimes) so I'll wrap this up and talk about Keith))

Now you may want to ask why I chose Aphrodite? Why didn't I choose Hades to be Keith's godly parent? It would have matched his basic demeanor, the basis to his character - the loner (also awesome undead powers would've have been a plus!!). Why didn't I chose Ares? Keith is a phenomenal fighter! Why not Zeus? His fighter pilot skills makes him second to none in the skies!!!

My answer is this: Keith has an unfathomable AMAZING capacity to love.

Think about it. Remember that the reason that he rejects people is because he knows just how much he's risking when he's putting his heart into someone's hands. You only see that in a person who's had their heart torn to pieces by the unspoken consequences of abandonment.

Finally, Look at what this guy has done for a dying man. IN CANON TO BOOT.

Look at what he's done for Shiro even back before his feelings evolved into what can be interpreted as romantic, when his relationship with the man was purely platonic in a mentor/student dynamic level. He SUPPORTS Shiro. He doesn't pity him. He doesn't coddle him. He doesn't look at the fact that Shiro most likely has only a few more years left in him before his body breaks down. He sees his friend that has every right to pursue his dream instead of wasting away on a military base that cares more for its fucking reputation than it's actual students (I resent the Garrison for lying about the mission, make no mistake. THEY EVEN TOOK THE SIDE OF THAT SHITTY BRAT WHO MADE SNIDE REMARKS ON KEITH PARENTS!!! WTF?!!).

This is the man that's promised to never give up on him. The one who reminded Keith that, most of all, he can't give up on himself. And Keith? My Defensive, prickly, hold-everyone-at-arms-length son? What does my firecracker boi do?

He takes it to heart. He fucking takes it to heart.

Now fast forward again - we have Keith beautifully beating the crap out of Iverson and other "high ranking" officials who essentially now see Shiro as a liability, as someone who cannot be let free with his new found knowledge on extraterrestrial life. We have him basically breaking multiple laws to get Shiro out and onto to his bike so he could drive them and their Tagalongs to safety. We have Keith running to Shiro AGAIN AND AGAIN. It doesn't matter who stands in his way - Zarkon could suck on a lemon and those wild beasts on that remote planet in 'Across the Universe'? They can Quiznak right off because He will never give up on Shiro. Enough said.

And one last thought. I'm sure you guys have seen the leaked scenes of Keith staying by Shiro's side while he's in the healing pod, his vitals showing that his conscious is not assimilating with Kuron's body. I'm sure you've seen how Keith pleaded with Allura to think of a way to help them. You probably heard Allura regretfully admit that there wasn't anything she could do to help anymore than she already had. You saw Keith in his disbelief, in his grief. You saw him slam his fist onto the healing pod, head hung low wand pleading to the man within to fight. To stay.

"You can't do this to me again"

And miraculously, Shiro wakes.

I didn't plan on giving Keith Charmspeak. I only planned on giving him an IMMUNITY towards other Charmspeakers. And even now I still stand by my decision on NOT giving him such a power. Because it makes this scene, when adapted into my AU, have THAT much more significance. He didn't need any godly gifts to bring back the man he loves, his own voice, rough and raw and full of desperation.... it was enough. It was MORE than enough.

"Keith you saved me." "We saved eachother"

[sasukerevolution]

I know that we, as Sasuke fans, can collectively agree that his redemption journey+guilt tripping+getting beaten into submission+not getting justice+the way they treated him after his final fight with Naruto is horrible. However, he did commit a few very serious crimes and terrible actions, and he really should answer for them. What I'm asking is: in a miraculous scenario where people actually decide that, yeah, they really should give Sasuke the justice he deserves and even think about(1/2)

changing the goddamn shitty Shinobi system still established, how would you handle Sasuke’s criminal record? Not as bad as how it was in canon, but he really did do some shitty things, so how should we… er, for a lack of a better term, “punish” him?(2/2)

Hmmm. I think to answer this question I need to break down what’s actually on Sasuke’s criminal record. This is a list that doesn’t include my personal feelings:

- Left the Hidden Leaf Village to train under Orochimaru: In the Naruto universe, this is an offense punishable by death. According to the rules of the Narutoverse itself, Sasuke automatically gets a death sentence for this. However, as a favour to Naruto, Tsunade chose to have this not be listed as a crime nor to pursue Sasuke as a criminal. Then Danzou redacated Tsunade’s decision, and then Kakashi redacted Danzou’s. Assuming the same things go down with regards to the line of Kages in this scenario, to avoid complications, we’ll work under the assumption that Sasuke is pardoned for this crime.

Sasuke committed no crimes that we know of while working under Orochimaru, so none will be counted. I would argue that Sasuke is not responsible for the death of Deidara or even Itachi, but regardless of how one views it both were criminals and their deaths caused no direct harm to the Leaf.

- Fought Naruto: The first two times this happens (Sasuke Retrieval arc and Tenchi Bridge Reconnaissance Mission arc), it’s in response to pursuit. This would maybe count as a crime of resistance to apprehension, but I don’t recall that ever being specified as a crime in the series so we’re going to pass over it.

- Joining the Akatsuki and attacking Killer Bee: If I recall correctly, the Leaf had already decided to pursue the Akatsuki before Sasuke even joined it, but the window of time between Sasuke joining and the Kage Summit that affected the law is so brief I’m not going to speculate on it too much. I say that Sasuke attacked Killer Bee because he actually did not succeed in killing him or in capturing him: as a ninja not affiliated with any Village, this is not an act of war. As we know, this led to the mobilization of the Five Great Shinobi Countries against the Akatsuki and to Sasuke’s subsequent death sentence, which was actually in effect this time. I’m not sure, however, what the punishment in the Naruto world is for attempted kidnapping. When Itachi and Kisame failed to kidnap Naruto, they weren’t even subsequently pursued for it, but that may be because they were already in the Bingo Book. Personally, I think Sasuke’s aid of the Five Great Shinobi Countries during the Fourth Shinobi World War may entitle him to a lighter sentence.

- Attacking Karin: Karin is not affiliated with any Village and was an affiliate of Sasuke’s. I don’t think the Leaf Village has a system that deals with crimes committed between criminals, so we’ll say he’s off the hook for this one.

- Killing Danzou: Since he’s no longer affiliated with the Leaf, this doesn’t count as treason. However, he did murder a leader of the Leaf Village. I’m not sure what “punishment” was attributed to Orochimaru when he killed the Third Hokage, which in my opinion is a precedent, but just based off of how the Leaf works in general I’d venture Sasuke earns a death sentence for this. This is without taking into account Danzou’s own illegal operations and lengthy criminal record.

- Threatening the Leaf Village: Threatening to harm a Village isn’t the same as actually harming it, but, again, considering the way the Leaf tends to handle stuff in general, I’m gonna say they’d throw a death sentence at him for even uttering his intent to destroy the Leaf. He fought Naruto again here but since it was in response to pursuit I’m going to go with the same thing I said above.

- Threatening to kill the Five Kage: Yeah, I think I’ll put this one under “probable death sentence” too.

- Challenging Naruto to a fight and attempting to murder him: This one wasn’t in response to being pursued. I don’t know what the punishment is in the Naruto world for challenging a shinobi to a fight when you are unaffiliated with any Village is. After all, rogue ninjas are supposed to be kill-on-sight just, like, in general.

Basically, by Naruto world standards, just judging his actions, Sasuke should be dead a couple times over. But if we’re discussing justice for Sasuke, we have to account for the crimes that were committed by the Leaf Village as a state against him.

- The biggest and the most obvious, The Uchiha Clan Massacre: Genocide is a very serious crime, and as the survivor of a state-ordered genocide, the Leaf really ought to be kissing Sasuke’s ass just in apology for the injustice that was committed against him.

- Negligence: In a fair system, the Leaf would have to acknowledge their failure to provide any sort of support or accommodation for an orphaned and traumatized child who is registered and that they are perfectly aware of. Especially because the reasons for his trauma are their fault.

- Negligence again: Namely, during the Chuunin Exams. The Leaf Village became aware that Orochimaru was a participant in the Chuunin Exams even while the second stage was still occurring. At that point, it was too late for them to do anything about Sasuke’s cursed seal, but even at Anko’s request to pull Sasuke from the exams during the preliminaries, the Hokage still insisted on allowing Sasuke to continue. They already knew that Sasuke was Orochimaru’s target as well; he should have been heavily guarded during the entirety of the exams.

- Inadequate retrieval measures: Though the Village was aware that Sasuke had left the Village, they sent genin who were Sasuke’s age after him instead of well-trained Jonin during the Sasuke Retrieval Arc. He wasn’t yet a missing-nin, at this point all they needed to do was apprehend him and bring him back to the Village, but their attempt was half-assed and they let him get away.

If this system is fair, then the Leaf Village’s own hand in creating Sasuke’s motives for his crimes must be acknowledged. I don’t think the Naruto universe even has a fucking court, lmfao. Sasuke had no lawyer or even an opportunity to represent or defend himself. 

Personally? I think all things considered, Sasuke is a victim far more than he is a criminal. As you can see from my list above, many of his crimes were mere threats or unsuccessful attempts: the only crimes he actually successfully committed were leaving the Village, which as you can see above the Leaf is at least partially if not entirely at fault for, and killing Danzou, which considering the crimes Danzou committed against him and his motivation I think a fair court would pardon him for. 

If I were the Leaf Village, I’d be on my knees begging for his forgiveness, not daring to so much as consider punishing him.

[wishiwasmorticia]

Let’s settle this for once and for all: your moralizing about Spike being a rapist is bullshit because...(a rant)

I’ve seen too many rants about this lately to keep quiet for much longer, so here we go.  ** DISCLAIMER: I do not hate Angel or Bangel. I prefer Spike and Spuffy, but this does not mean I hate Bangel or Bangel fans. I have lots of nice things to say about Angel; I just like him better on his own show, and I prefer him with Cordelia. But I appreciate that you love Angel/Bangel so much. Rock on. Love them as hard as you can. What I DO hate are double standards, uninformed opinions, and such deep emotional investment in a character or a ship that one blindly puts it on a pedestal and deliberately ignores its flaws, while vilifying a rival character or ship for being “problematic,” and while also projecting that onto fans of the rival character/ship, saying THEY’RE blindly putting their fave on a pedestal and rationalizing. If you are an Angel/Bangel fan and you’re happy to live and let live where Spike/Spuffy fans are concerned, you’re cool - this isn’t about you. **

Claiming that Spike is irredeemable because he attempted to rape Buffy is complete bullshit - projection and rationalization rooted in nothing more than the fact that you like Angel better and wanted him to end up with Buffy. A bold claim? How about we deconstruct the anti-Spike/Spuffy rhetoric for a moment...

Let’s begin with the idea that sexual offenders can’t be rehabilitated. I minored in psychology as an undergrad. In 2013, I took Psychology of Atypical Sexuality. The class dealt with things like fetishes and paraphilia, and went all the way through sex offenders. The first week, we had a guest lecturer from New Zealand, a colleague my professor met when she was on sabbatical. They have a completely different way of handling sex offenders there, and have significantly reduced recidivism rates. What are they doing that we’re not in the US? Mostly, it’s the fact that they actually TRY to rehabilitate offenders, and offer them community support and the tools to change, rather than focusing on retribution and humiliation. Only the highest-risk offenders go on registries, and that didn’t even go into effect until last year. This does not mean that the rest get off scott free, but what it does mean is that they accept that there is such a thing as paying one’s debt to society and once they’ve served their sentence, the goal is to help integrate them back into the community and be productive members of society who don’t sexually offend. It’s hard. It takes a lot of therapy. It takes a lot of community support. But it’s doable...if you actually DO it. Americans don’t like to hear that, though. Even though studies show that our current methods of dealing with sex offenders do NOTHING to prevent recidivism and often actually increase it, but we LIKE the sex offender lists and the laws that keep them away from children, because dammit, somebody did something to keep us safe and it satisfies our need for retribution! So if this is the kind of mindset you’re coming from when writing Spike off as nothing but a rapist, I can’t change your mind...but you’re still wrong.  Also, let’s remember that Spike DID NOT have a soul when that happened. You claim that it does not matter - I’m going to debunk that one next - but if we follow the metaphor of New Zealand and community support, that’s pretty much how Spike getting a soul and becoming an integral part of the Scoobies afterward functioned. If you listen closely to his Crazy in the Basement™ ramblings, he knows what he did was wrong and why it was wrong. He learned. He’s capable of change. He can’t operate in the human world the same way he did in the vampire world. The rules are different.  Yes, Spike assaulted Buffy in her bathroom. We (Spike/Spuffy fans) know it. We’re confronted with that every time that episode comes on - and every time some of you have to make yourselves feel better by telling us how sick we make you. About that... Now let’s unpack this idea that Angel is somehow morally better than Spike, and let’s talk about souls. And let’s start with who they were before they became vampires. William Pratt moved in high society circles, was not respected by his peers, and wrote bad poetry for a woman who would never love him back. He was a mama’s boy. He may have tried too hard in some ways, but that’s really the worst we can say about him. Liam, on the other hand, was a pretty shitty person. VERY handsy with the women (hmmmm, sounds strikingly similar to certain complaints I hear about Spike), and was otherwise a lazy, entitled drunk. Yeah, Angel’s doing GREAT in our comparison so far.  As soulless vampires, Spike had a reputation that ALMOST rivaled Angelus’s in terms of torture, etc., but we know for a fact that Angelus is worse. For one thing, we can tell that Angelus was not capable of love and he enjoyed torture. And you are naïve and deluded if you believe that didn’t include rape at some point in his career as the baddest vampire ever. Furthermore, Angelus never would have chosen to change. He LIKED the hedonism and depravity of the vampire life. The soul was the result of a CURSE, meant to make him suffer.  Spike, on the other hand, IS capable of love without a soul. We see that in his devotion to Dru. He also loves Buffy. Yes, it’s a selfish love - BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKING VAMPIRE WITHOUT A SOUL. Duh. But he’s not nearly as sadistic as Angel. He clearly displays empathy from time to time. Even pre-chip (again, I refer you to his relationship with Dru).  So let’s talk about ensouled vampires. Angel says he loved Buffy the moment he first saw her. We know that’s when she was a FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL in Los Angeles. I don’t think it says specifically when in the school year that flashback took place, but Buffy could have been as young as FOURTEEN. Ew, much? ENSOULED ANGEL HAS ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR AN ADOLESCENT CHILD. That’s called an ephebophile since y’all are insisting on sex offender rhetoric. And we’re going to pretend that that’s so much better than what Spike did WITHOUT a soul? Yeah, right. Let’s remember that Buffy was a grown woman of 20 when Spike developed feelings for her, and 21 when they’d began their sexual relationship. Granted, Buffy made some bad choices due to being in a bad place from having been DEAD and all, but somehow we forget to talk about the guy who entered into a relationship with an inexperienced teenager. Or maybe you all do talk about that - but somehow that never comes up when some of you go on the attack against Spike and Spuffy fans. Even if we believe that Spike assumed getting his soul would be a quid pro quo deal in terms of winning Buffy’s affections afterward, the bottom line is, something inside told him that he’d never achieve the impulse control he needed without one, and that there’d be no way he’d be WORTHY of Buffy’s love without one. That to me sounds more like Buffy’s standards being the yardstick for what a good man is than it does a trade for her love, but as I mentioned above even if he did go in assuming the soul would make her love him, he understood the reality of the situation afterward, and his actions were more in line with giving her what she needed instead of taking what he wanted.  But! But! But! Spike is back to his old tricks in ATS with Harmony!!! So, what you’re saying is, you’ve never known anyone who’s gone to rehab, who’s had good days and bad days, and maybe has fallen off the wagon, especially after suffering a trauma....maybe like DEATH? And then being recorporialized? No? Well, me either, at least the death and recorporialization part - but if we think about anyone in ANY behavior modification situation, yes, relapse is common. ESPECIALLY when you’re cut off from your support system and surrounded by people who treat you like shit. Just saying. As already stated in the thing about how New Zealand has programs that handle sex offenders differently, community support is crucial to the success of reducing recidivism. Spike didn’t have that in Season 5 of ATS. If we keep up with the rehabilitation metaphor, Season 5 Spike is comparable to what happens to sex offenders who can’t get jobs because of their records and end up homeless because the registries don’t leave them anywhere to live. These stressors often lead to reoffending. But you’re right - they DESERVE all of that. So what if that makes them continue to be dangerous even though there are alternatives that are more effective? So what stopped Angel from reoffending when he had a soul? BECAUSE IT WAS PART OF THE FUCKING CURSE THAT HE WOULD FEEL HIS VICTIMS’ SUFFERING!!!! Spike is under the constraints of no such curse, though he does admit to feeling remorse. Angel’s gypsy curse is the ensouled equivalent of having a chip in his head like Spike did when he was a vampire. Think about it. Too bad it wasn’t enough to stop him from macking on little girls, huh?  Double Standards: They’re Not Just for Breakfast Angel Anymore. In the final analysis, Angel isn’t REALLY any better than Spike in a side-by-side comparison. But if we take shipability with Buffy out of the equation, let’s expose some more hypocricy where the rhetoric against Spike is concerned: WILLOW: Gets addicted to magic, gets Dawn hurt in a car wreck, turns evil and MURDERS WARREN BY SKINNING HIM ALIVE. Maybe he had it coming, but if rape is rape, then murder is murder, AMIRITE? Status: FORGIVEN BY THE FANDOM. ANDREW: Member of the misogynistic Trio who went so far as to turn Warren’s ex girlfriend INTO A SEX SLAVE ZOMBIE. Did all kinds of shit to Buffy. MURDERS HIS PARTNER IN CRIME, JONATHAN. Switches sides after becoming their hostage, and lookie there, he’s a fucking JUNIOR WATCHER after helping to close the Hellmouth. Status: FORGIVEN BY THE FANDOM.

FAITH: Murder and mayhem everywhere she went! Literally had no conscience until she checked into Angel’s One-Man Rehab™ and then turned herself in to pay her debt to society in prison. FORCED  HERSELF ON ANGEL in order to try to turn him into Angelus. USED BUFFY’S BODY TO RAPE RILEY! Not to worry: she turns a new leaf and helps to save the world. Status: FORGIVEN BY THE FANDOM. (Wait, what? I thought rapists couldn’t be forgiven? Oh, wait - that’s only if you’re a man and don’t happen to be the one you ship with the Slayer.) I could go on, but hopefully you’re getting the picture. If you’ve forgiven/accepted these characters in the face of what they’ve done, your feelings against Spike have NOTHING to do with attempted sexual assault or any other crime he’s committed. It’s time to come clean about that. Really. Those characters have atoned. So has he. Let it go. On the other hand, if you hate all these characters for the unforgivable shit they’ve done, then good for you for being consistent - but your rhetoric had better match your moral compass.  The TL/DR version: It’s okay to love something that’s problematic - but ENGAGE WITH THAT! Don’t put it on a perfect pedestal while vilifying a rival character or ship, or the people who love it. Check your own biases. Spike and Spuffy fans know full well what Spike did and have grappled with it, and we still came out on #TeamSpike and #TeamSpuffy. You don’t have to agree. You don’t have to switch sides. You don’t even have to like Spike. Just...STOP IT WITH YOUR MORALIZING AND YOUR DOUBLE STANDARDS, and be honest about the fact that it’s because you think Angel is hotter or you’d rather see him and Buffy together because of the tinglys they give you, or whatever the real reason is. Quit pretending it’s about rape or misogyny.  Also, if anyone is going to be a coward and send me anon hate over this, don’t waste your time, because any anon hate is going to be summarily deleted without acknowledgement. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Nancy

Rio: If you wanna head home 'fore nan and granddad are ready, you can always have a lift back with us Nancy: Thanks Nancy: I'm in no rush though Rio: Having a good time then? Nancy: Sure Nancy: It's not a classroom, I'll take it Rio: Yeah, I bet you're buzzing Nancy: You mean you can't tell? Well, that's devastating Nancy: I reckoned on it being so obvious, like Rio: I mean, your poker face ain't all that, babe, if you wanna be real about it Nancy: More of a resting bitch, I know Nancy: The good news must not have sunk in yet Rio: Give it a few Nancy: Yeah Rio: Anyway, can't do anything about it now Rio: May as well enjoy your summer Nancy: Like I said, I already am Nancy: Aside from the prospect of going home Rio: 👍 Rio: How bad can it be Rio: he's taken one for the team Nancy: No, he's made sure exams mean more than they did before Nancy: and made me the focus since he's a less than safe convo topic Rio: Well, your family's inability to communicate is longstanding and not my fault so I'm not gonna take the blame for it, nor is my baby Rio: Sorry, like Nancy: I didn't ask Nancy: It's not my fault that his fall from grace makes me their poster child for success now either, I definitely never asked for that Rio: If you're going to feel so sorry for yourself, don't be surprised when people feel it for you in return Rio: Oddly enough our decision to have a child wasn't exactly about you Nancy: I'm only surprised the pity party isn't full already Nancy: My brother tends to take up a lot of space Rio: Please Rio: We've got no reason to be sorry, either definition Rio: we're happy, if you lot wanna be miserable then the party is all yours Nancy: Does he know that? Does he feel it? 'Cause he sounded like he wanted me to be sorry for him many times over when we last spoke Rio: Like I said, you're all crap at communicating Rio: but thanks Nancy: Yeah, and he's one of the worst Nancy: If I feel sorry for anything, it's for you, for that much, like Rio: Fuck off Rio: I don't need your pity Nancy: Don't tell me to fuck off Rio: Why not? You've seen fit to talk to me how you please Nancy: 'Cause you're judging my communication skills like its your job, for one thing Nancy: And for another, I haven't said anything like that to you, ever Rio: You said in as few words as possible that you don't think Buster really wants our baby, implying that I don't know him and we don't talk, whilst you were at it Rio: but no Rio: the f bomb in response, so much worse, Jesus Nancy: No I haven't Nancy: All I've said to him is that his timing is ridiculous and when was the last time we even spoke, me and you? Before exams probably so Rio: What does it matter to you, or your parents for that matter Rio: He's still going to Uni, he's still doing everything they want Nancy: I don't care what they want Nancy: I care about him and how hard it's gonna be Nancy: I won't be here to help either of you, not even in the same country, so excuse me for being worried Rio: When ain't life? Rio: You can't let that stop you from doing what you want Nancy: You don't need to make it harder on yourself, Jesus Rio: Well that ain't how it's going to be, or how we see it Nancy: It's easy for him to see it that way when he never admits that he needs help or that anything could possibly be a struggle in the slightest Nancy: He's just perfect and everything will be, end of story Rio: I help him Rio: and I know that, I knew that before this even started Nancy: I know you do and you know I love you, yeah? I'm not saying this to be a bitch to you Rio: I know Rio: but I don't get why you can't translate your worry into supporting him, that is literally all he needs from you Rio: instead of the constant barage of questions Nancy: because I'm scared for him and he scares me Nancy: how little he thinks about anything Nancy: He just wants and he gets and I'm the only one who cares if it'll work out or not Nancy: you know that's what he's always been like Rio: It's going to work out Rio: even if you wanna talk worst case scenarios, we have to get divorced, yeah Rio: he'll still have the kid, I'm not that bitch Nancy: I hope it does Nancy: Genuinely Nancy: You know that Rio: I think I do Rio: but you don't always show it Rio: I know it's a lot Rio: but it's hard for him when none of you seem happy for him or even say it's alright, like Rio: why do you think he can't admit he needs help, when has he got it? Nancy: Do you? 'Cause when you got together I had to re-evaluate everything I thought I knew about him and you Nancy: He says he's loved you since he was a kid, I was there, I have almost the same memories Nancy: But I don't Nancy: at all Rio: Why does it matter? We were all kids Nancy: 'Cause all this time he was so unhappy and I didn't know, okay Nancy: I didn't do anything Rio: None of us did Rio: He didn't want you to know, anyone Rio: you can't take blame for it like you wilfully ignored cries for help but he's trying now Rio: he needs you now, okay Nancy: I'm trying too Nancy: I just Nancy: I don't know him, if I ever did Nancy: How am I meant to know what to do? Rio: You did Rio: You were close then, just because you didn't know this one thing doesn't mean you weren't Rio: You wouldn't tell him about every crush you had, especially if you felt shame about being gay or there was another reason you knew he could judge you for it, you know? Rio: Just, try and be nice to each other, simple and as stupid as it sounds Rio: that's all you gotta do in this world though Nancy: You can say wanting to fuck my teacher, that's pretty shameful, babe Nancy: Lord, did you really have to do the one thing that scares me most to test me Nancy: Babies are terrifying Rio: Well you know, I assume you weren't child thirsting after your reception teacher like 👌👌👌 nice cardigan miss Rio: Nah Rio: they're just people Rio: I guess that's kinda the problem though Nancy: Hey, she was cute! And very attentive Nancy: Well, not to be dramatic and turn this into a therapy session but the last time I was properly excited for a baby to be born, he died Nancy: And now we don't talk about him Rio: That isn't going to happen again Rio: and you could talk to Buster about him Rio: he's thinking about him too Nancy: Does he talk about him to you? Rio: Yeah, a little Rio: we're going to give the baby his name as a middle Nancy: Really? Rio: I should say we don't know it's a boy yet, we just think it is Rio: but I won't say 'if not, the next one' and freak you out further, like Nancy: Go ahead, I'm just out here openly crying at the beach Rio: I'm sorry Rio: you can use my ugly dress as a hankie if you wanna Nancy: It's not that bad Rio: It's years old 'cos everything I own now would leave no need to announce this Rio: tempting but probably not Nancy: You should have come to me, my wardrobe runneth over Nancy: Literally, I need to have such a huge clear out before uni starts Rio: You planning to reinvent yourself as a minimalist? 😏 Rio: local charity shops gonna be a goldmine, like Nancy: Reinvent myself, yeah, as that, no Nancy: I get it, not tempting to come over when I'm being a bitch Nancy: I'm sorry you have to suffer that dress as a result, babe Rio: Well you know, or we could say I was giving you space and time Rio: politer Rio: I'm not even sure it was ever mine Rio: maybe it was yours, the ultimately bitchery to get it out of my system Nancy: Not to be that bitch or lesbian stereotype, okay, but what's under it? Can you not just remove it now the secret's out? Nancy: Be you again Rio: 😂 Rio: Still got it, babe Rio: I guess I can now Rio: It's weird Nancy: Do it for my brother if not me Nancy: You think I need to sort my face, look at his right now Rio: Poor boy Rio: at least I didn't straighten my hair, then he'd really be devastated Nancy: 😂 Nancy: I wish you had, I'd have taken so many pics to post and tag him in Rio: 😏 Pure evil, like Nancy: Genetically, sorry Nancy: Not saying you should watch The Omen again or anything but Rio: 😲 How rude Rio: but if I remember correctly that fucker was adopted so it would've been more cutting to come at me with Rosemary's Baby, like Rio: slacking Nancy: Oops, horror movies not really my forte Rio: You should reconsider Rio: yeah the bitch always dies, but she's usually half-naked beforehand, like Nancy: Are you gonna put your arm around me when it gets scary though? I think not Rio: You know I would you just ain't vibing 💔 Nancy: Lies! I just told you to strip Rio: True enough Rio: There's hope yet then Nancy: I'm sorry for being a bitch this whole time Nancy: I've missed you, it feels like exams lasted years Rio: I know, it was stressful and I weren't even taking them so God knows how you lot survived Rio: How do you feel about them, genuinely? Nancy: I know you love him, but how much of a prick was he during his, like 1-10? To make me feel better Nancy: I feel bad but like, I always do about that stuff so Nancy: It doesn't mean anything Rio: Oh, 11, for sure 😏 Rio: no, it was hard though, he was stressed as fuck Rio: you'll have done what you needed to do, I know Nancy: At least you could play the pregnancy card, like DO NOT STRESS ME, BOY Nancy: I basically had to shut myself away to get the same effect Rio: I feel it, Junior looks like this is his first time seeing sunlight in years, he hasn't taken his sunglasses off Rio: know they're prescription but come on Rio: as for the pregnancy card, great for getting out of arguments you've probably caused being a crazy bitch, like Nancy: I don't think he remembers who any of us are 😂 Nancy: It's not too late to have some actual fun today, is it? Nancy: You need it too, Buster said you've been pretty sick Nancy: He's dramatic, but still Rio: Of course not Rio: Someone suggested going to the pub to celebrate but as I'm the one with the baby I can make sure they choose somewhere nice with a decent cocktail list and beer garden, not a grotty old man pub, like Rio: Just morning sickness but it was pretty shitty and lonely when he was at School and so was Indie Rio: but fingers crossed I'm over that now so Nancy: We have to do something about that dress first Nancy: Come with me before we go anywhere else Nancy: I will save you Rio: 🙌 Rio: If you take me near a maternity section, we will brawl Nancy: God no Nancy: I'd burst into flames Rio: 😂 Rio: You remembered suncream today though, yeah? Nancy: Yes, mum Nancy: Maternity clothes are actually disgusting and I'm not letting it happen to you Nancy: Or my niece or nephew, how embarrassing to look back on Rio: It's just not necessary either Rio: do you know how big most clothes go these days like Nancy: Thank you! Like be more creative than that Nancy: If you wear a smock I'm disowning you Nancy: I don't care if you're having twins in a heatwave Rio: You'll be glad to know it ain't, unless one of them was hiding real stealth, but I'd be much bigger, pretty sure Nancy: Yeah, you'd need more than that dress to hide behind, right? Mum was such a ridiculous size with us, the pics are actually like something out of a scary movie Nancy: Say what you like about her, and do, but she always looked good Rio: Honestly, poor bitch Rio: Feel her small girl pain in a way you can never Rio: feeling like a human ball some days and it is just the one Nancy: Why do you think I'm not taking you to a maternity section, they'd think I was the one with a baby on board Nancy: No offense but kill me Rio: Oh bitch no Rio: like, is daddy excited or terrified, Nance? Rio: straight girl bants Nancy: I nearly threw up in my mouth Nancy: Not morning sickness, sorry lads Rio: You keep down your breakfast if you getting in my car, thank you very much Nancy: Such a mum 😏

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

Why the United States in in chaos & almost everyone wants to leave

Hello Tumblr. I am a United Statesian (or, as some say “American”, despite the fact that there is a North, Central, Latin, & South America as well & all of them are technically Americans but not United Statesians), and not proud of it. Here’s a list of angsty reasons why. There will probably be a few side rants but I want to clear up exactly what is going horribly wrong in this shitty ass country. I will give a list overview, then expound upon each item.

1. The abortion laws/bills in over a dozen states that may go federal because the administration sucks. Alabama refused to make exceptions for the death or incapacitation of the mother, for rape, or for incest in their abortion law. 26 white male lawmakers passed the bill and the governor signed it, despite being “representatives” of the people. This means the mother (or anyone with a uterus, because remember transgender men and nonbinary people can have one too) is just a fucking INCUBATOR for a child if her spouse decides so. An 11 year old girl got raped by a 26 year old man in Louisiana, but thanks to their Heartbeat Bill she’ll have to carry & deliver a child at ELEVEN YEARS OLD. Let that shit sink in, because that’s horrifying. What happened to “the land of the free and the home of the brave”?

2. Mental Health, & how people view mental health & use of hospitals. We live in a very individualistic society. Everyone is afraid of everyone else. Everyone assumes the other people are insane druggies and alcoholics who will murder or steal from them given a second’s chance. If a person (say, someone suicidal) decides to seek therapy or a mental hospital for assistance, everyone is even more afraid! They assume crazy and refuse them jobs, homes, financial aid, and all kinds of basic human decency & respect. They say they don’t do this, but the proof is in the statistics. Majority of United Statesians will, at some time during their life, develop a serious mental disorder--and of these 90% or so who do, only 10% of that crowd will seek help because it causes so much grief. 1 in 5 adults (around 20%), 1 in 5 youth between 13 & 18 years of age, and about 13% of children aged 8-13 years old will develop a serious mental disorder IN ONE YEAR, but very little is done about this because it is so hushed and frowned upon to admit distress and seek aid. Everything has to be done on your own and support systems are gone so things like Shaken Baby Syndrome have sprung up (from overwhelmed parents who probably haven’t slept in days and shake their child out of frustration, and this causes the child as it grows up to be unable to walk in a straight line, always drifting left or right).

On a similar note, the bystander effect. Kitty Genovese (Catherine Susan Genovese) was brutally raped and murdered over 20 minutes in 1964, while 20 onlookers did NOTHING. The attacker left and returned to finish the job, and no one did anything. This was the only reason people were interested in studying this effect, because these people were everyday apartment livers, not psychopaths. This happened in broad daylight, in an open courtyard where help was easily accessible if anyone had had the worry to do so. The bystander effect means if the people around you are doing nothing or seem unconcerned, you are likely to assume crackhead or druggie or not a big deal instead of possible emergency, or to assume others will act, and to do NOTHING about serious events like Kitty’s death.

3. Monetized Healthcare. Sometime during the Nixon administration, this administration signed a bill into law allowing insurance companies to monopolize healthcare. They are now allowed, by this law, to charge as much as they want, however ridiculous. Ambulances cost around $6,000 to take a dying person to the hospital. If you get shot it’s about $154,000 (per person) to get it treated in a hospital. A stab wound costs around $12,000 (per person). The legal, federal poverty line right now is $20,000, and at $65,000 a year my family (medically unable to work mother, working father, two children) was living paycheck to paycheck with about $20 to spare after taxes, bills, and necessities were taken care of. Stanford researchers reported that between 2006 and 2014, more than $6,600,000,000 was spent on gunshot injuries (6.6 billion was just in-the-door costs, not including treatment). Following the mass shooting in Las Vegas, an article describing the costs of those victims was published…& it reported that in-and-out patients on average spent $5,254, and anyone kept one night or longer spent on average $95,887—as if their day wasn’t already bad enough!

4. LGBT+ concerns. LGBT+ hate crimes are on the rise. Between 2016 and 2017, the FBI’s Department of Justice reported 2206 hate crimes based on sexual orientation, 243 based on gender identity, and 77 based on sex. This means about 16% of hate crimes were sexual orientation, 2% were gender identity, and 1% were sex. This seems like a small number, but that is a solid 2,449 attacks (rape or murder) based on LGBT+ status and 77 based off a physical, genetic trait we do not choose. That is a terrifyingly high number. 1 in 5 LGBT+ people remain silent, because of statistics such as these and (often religiously inclined) pressures from their family and social circles. People still openly hate and discriminate against these people for something they cannot change. They are called delusional, confused, and broken because they are certain of who they are and what they like, love, and enjoy.

5. HATE CRIMES are on the rise again, and it’s terrifying. See above (#4) obviously, but also racist & religious crimes are on the rise. There were 642 more crimes in 2017 than in 2016, and between the two years this totals 7,620 race-based hate crimes. Each crime can mean one person got hurt or attacked or killed, or it can mean hundreds at a time…it varies depending on the perpetrator and what they hope to achieve. Religious crimes, especially towards Muslims and Jews, are on the rise again, with places of worship being shot up or burned down. In 2016 and 2017, 2837 hate crimes were committed because of religion. This includes a 291 incident rise from 2016 to 2017, and it’s still rising.

6. School shootings, and the NRA’s response. The NRA (National Rifle Association, the main distributor of weapons) refuses to admit that mental health concerns should be taken into account when distributing weapons. They’re so worried about profits they don’t care that children are getting ahold of their weapons and killing and injuring hundreds to thousands of innocent children and adults in schools. One incident occurred because a girl turned a boy down when he asked her out, and instead of accepting this and moving on he tried to kill her. She escaped due to the aid of classmates, but it was a very close call. In other cases children went after their bullies (many of whom had their own issues), and we’ve had hundreds of innocents die while the NRA does absolutely nothing and denies any involvement or responsibility. When it comes to abortion people shout “what about the children” (despite the fact that the fetus doesn’t even have a heart until about 5 weeks, and the heartbeat bills sit at 3) but when it comes to school shootings they ignore the children who have families and lives and hopes and dreams in favor of their guns, because it is written into law that is very difficult to change the people have a “right to bear arms.” But this amendment was added when one-shot rifles were it, and now we have automatic rifles with 300 rounds, but people still scream they have their right because it’s written down somewhere.

7. Lack of respect in the police force & authorities. Tying into number eight…the police (among other authorities) have an overall lack of respect for the people they serve. Naturally there are remarkable exceptions, but it is commonplace. They are taught to act before they think and to profile people. They will go after women and people of color far more often than men and white people. They will criticize women and trust men’s judgement over women’s. They assume people of color or women are always (or almost always) in the wrong, no matter their surroundings. Women and people of color are taught to be on edge always and to fight dirty and run, and never to expect respect.

8. Single-parent families, & views of their parenting skills. My friend’s mother just got screamed at for her “horrible parenting” skills. She is a single mother with a 5 year old daughter, an 18 year old daughter, and a 10 year old son. She works full-time on top of caring for her children and doesn’t always have the energy or time to pay attention to them…unless they act out. Learning this, her son decided to start running away all day without telling her where he was. He could be gone 8am to midnight the next morning. The last time, he refused to get out of his therapist’s car so she called the police (with mother’s permission). The police, rather than realizing from the story of a neighbor whose 17 year old child had been beat up by the 10 year old or from the family who insisted that this child had been acting out a lot recently and had called his mother a whore several times, a bitch, and told her to burn in hell…decided to lecture this single mother on her parenting skills because “ten year olds can’t be dangerous”...and possible because he is the only male in the household. There is now concern, after a night in a psych ward where this child called her abusive, that the 5 year old will be permanently removed from their home despite no abuse having occurred. Single-parent families are only given attention when they fuck up, and never any aid or counseling or financial support to prevent massive explosions like this one.

9. LGBT+ families, and scrutinized views of their parenting skills. Oftentimes LGBT+ families are amazing parental systems. They love themselves and as such are free to love their children unconditionally and expect nothing but encourage everything. Their parenting skills have been scrutinized due to doubt of this fact, and it’s been proven true. A few states have now banned LGBT+ families from adopting children, as if their sexuality or birth gender (“what’s in your pants” again) is any of the adoption agency’s fucking concern.

10. EXTREME POLARIZATION over party lines. Everyone is turning party on party. It’s always the Democrat’s fault or the Republican’s fault if something goes wrong. There will be a blind eye turned to any information to the contrary that possible one’s own party has done something they do not approve of. This results in dog-piling of anyone with a solid opinion. 20 people leapt down my mom’s throat for suggesting people try to change the administration rather than complain about it on social media, and she was called an “unAmerican Nazi”. People throw things like this around nonchalantly, as if they’ve forgotten its roots—and most of them have.

11. Lack of policy knowledge before voting. People are so focused on party lines (“Independent”, “Democrat”, “Republican”) that they don’t do any research on the policies of whom they choose to elect to lead our country. Our electoral college system is fucked and refuses to be changed. It was supposed to represent the people’s choice, but majority vote chose Clinton and the electoral college landed us with Trump. This is not how our system is supposed to work. We are living in a capitalist oligarchy lead by corporations, not a democracy.

12. Ethnic heritage, & loss of policies. Our administration proposed removing all protections for the remaining land of the native peoples of the First Nations, as well as all the scholarships for their education so they can participate as functional members of our society. A person of Cherokee descent told me on the university campus that 6 year old children are still being quietly kidnapped from the nation and brought into white society, never to see or hear from their families again (or be seen or heard from) due to a systematic destruction of their culture. Racist hate crimes are back on the rise, since hate-filled people are emboldened by the current administration’s open hatred of certain ethnic groups and sexes. Petitions are not enough, peaceful protests get brutally shut down by cops with batons, and nothing is right.

13. Unemployment and homelessness. This is a huge crisis that is being dealt with improperly by our management, AKA the Trump administration. They bring back unhealthy jobs that will destroy our world and call it a job well done while kicking more people to the streets. Every homeless person is assumed to be a druggie or an alcoholic, especially the men, but this is extremely wrong. Many of them do have disorders, this is true (schizophrenics and sometimes druggies will end up homeless), but not ALL of them are. Most are simply everyday people living paycheck to paycheck, reduced to begging money from high-and-mighty classist (often racist or sexist) closed-minded people who rarely care enough to offer aid.

14. Breathable air, & drinkable water (that doesn’t light on fire, thank you very much), AKA lack of pollution. Our president, who is supposed to represent WE THE PEOPLE, abolished clean air and water acts preventing coal companies saying he was “bringing back jobs for the people”. What this means, in reality, is that we won’t be able to breathe in about five years, water will all be polluted by offshore drilling, and climate change may well envelope the world and kill all life (grim and dramatic, but a very real possibility). The water within miles of any natural gas fracking fills with fracking chemicals and will LITERALLY LIGHT ON FIRE, and it causes various cancers and other illnesses. Vast majority of these people can’t afford to move, or are too old or sick to do so. Pollution is everywhere. I have asthma…it sucks hardcore.

15. Obesity, overweight, & physical health problems.

The corporations keep everyone so stretched living paycheck-to-paycheck above the 20 year old unchanged poverty line that they’re forced to consume everything offered. A soda or energy drink is $2 or $3 LESS THAN WATER, and when you’ve got only $20 to buy food that may make you more inclined to buy the corporation’s syrupy nutrition-less crap. A McDonald’s meal, to call out a corporation, costs about $4 (compared to $20-$60 for a decent, healthy restaurant with good non-GMO healthy food), but scientists were legitimately unable to figure out some of the chemicals in the food—and the human body sure as hell can’t use that for energy, but it costs so much less it’s a necessary evil sometimes when budgets are thin! This leads to severe obesity (especially in children), cancers, heart failure, and clogged arteries, among other complications.

16. Anxiety & depression are so commonplace they’re dismissed as actual disorders. This is a terrifying revelation. These are severe disorders…that are being overlooked. Depression means the person has a severe lack of motivation, the things they used to enjoy are no longer enjoyable, and sometimes they even desire an early (very soon) death. But due to the fact that this is very commonplace and almost everyone is depressed, people with this disorder are told to “suck it up” because “life sucks”, or to “just smile” or to “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” or to “get over yourself” or that “other people have it worse. This makes depression a much grander monster to tackle, because there is no social support system for a disorder that nearly everybody suffers and considers a normal state of mind.

Anxiety in and of itself is perfectly normal. It’s why we care how we look, why we get up to go to school or work on time, why we look presentable and friendly, and part of how we engage with others around us. However, too much anxiety can be crushing. It seems every person at my university has an anxiety disorder of some kind (social, general) or is distressed (not just stressed, but so over-stressed their systems are failing and they’re getting headaches and finding themselves unable to cope). The pressure of finals or midterms that will determine your fate for the next semester or year, the pressure of clubs or kids or other commitments… it’s all too much. We’re all overwhelmed. Our systems are overridden. We’re running on 4 hours of sleep and an energy drink or a coffee every day, and the greasy sort-of-food in the cafe with its heavy salt and heavy oily fatty foods draw in swarms of distressed and hungry students and staff. Everyone is on a grind. Our brains are overwhelmed, constantly slammed into overdrive. There is no reprieve. It’s school, work, kids or homework, studying, tests, repeat…over and over until people drop out of school or social groups they used to enjoy. 90% of college students will develop a mental disorder in their time on campus due to the financial and emotional stress of attending school.

17. Retirement age keeps going up (it’s around 70 for full benefits) despite life expectancy going down. One can reap the rewards of Social Security by 62 for a loss of 30% of the money you put in there out of your own hard-earned paychecks, or full benefits at 67, or 21% extra benefits if pulled at age 70. This is despite the fact that kids are committing suicide and people are dying of poor health (at the hands of corporations and processed foods and chemicals leading to heart failure and severe obesity and cancer) between 45 and 65 years old…and most people will never reach 70.

18. Suicide rates are on the rise as young as 11 years old. Kids as young as eleven are committing suicide. It’s extremely common for 13-18 year olds to self-harm, starve themselves, or commit suicide. The pressure of society to have sex as young as possible, to get married as soon as possible, to know what they want to be when they’re older, and to fit in is so strong it crushes their will to live. This is terrifying.

19. Pressures of social media & the Internet. Kids learn very fast that if you don’t have a good “brand” or persona online, you will fail socially. Now they have to learn Internet lingo as well as proper grammar, despite how difficult grammar on its own is to learn, and they learn from social media influencers that what they have to do to get attention and “followers” is to flash bare skin or beat someone up or take part in a “challenge” that may harm or kill them. With the way school is taught and how white-washed it’s become (especially in Texas), it is increasingly difficult to convince children this is NOT what they want from their life and why they can’t become a YouTube star overnight like some kid who reviews toys and makes millions of dollars doing it (he’s only eight by the way).

20. Lack of filtering for children...and dangerously adult “children’s” websites. So-called “children’s” game sites full of games such as Mafa.com, where it’s supposedly for children but it’s games with injured or pregnant favorite characters and a game that the entire purpose is to hit Dora’s bare buttocks as fast and hard as possible (it even has a scream effect with it). This is advertised as ‘the best girl games for children’. What is this teaching our kids?

21. EVERYONE IS TRIGGERED BY EVERYTHING. This ranges from the words “flesh” and “moist” (especially together), politics, the news, and school shootings to actual abuse and rape (abuse and rape are legitimate reasons, don’t get me wrong, but these are things we need to talk about and people are too triggered by everything & kind of wimpy (don’t hate on me for that, it’s true that people have lost majority of their ability to handle stress & there are legitimate mental health reasons for that)).

22. College is encouraged but funding is shitty & most students can’t afford to eat. There are federal grants/scholarships but they’re so so limited in scope and what they’ll give, and 3/5 of the students at my university (a commuter campus mostly composed of middle-aged & young parents with 5-11 year old children) CAN’T AFFORD TO EAT FOOD while they attend school, and the stress levels are high enough it’s almost guaranteed (about a 90% chance) that the average university student, regardless of prior ability to handle stress, will develop at least one mental disorder, and this is usually some form of anxiety or depression. This is so “normal”/commonplace no one cares.

23. COMPLACENCY. Because let’s face it, if even half of these things happened in France or someplace else there would’ve been a full-scale revolution that overthrew the whole administration, but we’ve had nothing. No one wants to talk about politics, we all get angry and depressed/suicidal talking about it, and unless the bad stuff DIRECTLY, IMMEDIATELY, & STRONGLY affect people, no one cares. If you drink water with natural gas in it & get cancer/get sick, maybe you’ll care a little. But if you watch someone do that or light their tap water ON FIRE, you can just turn the screen off and go on with your life like Oklahoma and all other natural gas sites have nothing going wrong.

24. On that note, corporations are polluting everything, and no one is stopping them. We need purified water & ice from the refrigerator or some purification system now because natural gases & all kinds of unhealthy chemicals have infected our waters. A military facility dumped 3 tons of nuclear waste into the Puget Sound despite it being illegal, and no one said a damn thing. No one cares that fish and other marine life are swallowing plastic and dying, or that we drink plastic, or that plastic is literally made from oil, or that these toxic wastes getting dumped in the water will cause cancer in 2 to 5 years, or that they soon won’t be able to breathe the air, because right this second it doesn’t seem to affect them. We’ve gotten so used to pollution that we don’t really notice it anymore.

25. Public transport is unreliable & sucks. Unless you live in a huge urban city, public transport is unreliable. In big cities it comes every fifteen minutes to all ends of town; in a suburb, it comes maybe every forty-five minutes (they’re often late)...and though it goes to all the commerce centers and downtown, public transportation from one end of town to the other where the university is doesn’t exist, because society doesn’t care enough about education to complain. Everyone is so overwhelmed with work and home life and survival stress they have no time to care about the things that should matter, because it doesn’t directly affect them.

26. Living is expensive as hell! This especially applies in big cities, where a one-bedroom shitty apartment can cost as much as a full three-bedroom 2-bath house in a small city. The more immigration comes to the city or suburbia, the higher the prices. Just two years ago my parents’ 3 bedroom 2 bath house cost $300,000; the same house now costs $500,000, and it’s still going up. This is good for the seller, but horrible on the buyer.

27. Education is there to brainwash you & tell you how to think, and to pit people against each other in a fight for “good grades”, not allow freedom or  true creativity. We are told from age 6 that money is everything. We are told how to do math and how to write, but never to understand what we’re doing or why we’re doing it. We’re not taught to truly think for ourselves, or the consumer society would ultimately collapse. Schools are too busy cramming tests in for everyone from kindergarten to senior year of high school that the kids aren’t really learning, just temporarily memorizing. Kids are starting to hate school. 5 and 6 year olds are skipping classes. Everything is about tests and grades, tests and grades. No  true learning takes place. It’s all about the numbers, not about the reality.

The No Child Left Behind program seemed like it would help keep kids from socially falling behind, but instead it resulted in 18 year olds who still can’t read (though by 5 most kids can) and kids who slack off because they legitimately can’t comprehend what’s going on. Kids compete for “good grades”, a concept made up by someone many decades ago that no one fully understands except as a statistic for performance. If one child asks why they’re told to shut up and take notes; if a kid takes a creative approach to an assignment such as turning an essay into a thorough powerpoint or an art project they’re given a failing grade; freedom and creativity and critical thought are being crushed. Children now learn to keep their heads down and be shy, to be a bully, or to be an outcast because those are their only offered options.

28. Rape culture. “She was asking for it.” “She shouldn’t’ve gotten drunk.” “She shouldn’t’ve worn those clothes.” “She didn’t say no.” “Rape doesn’t happen to men.” “Oh, boys will be boys.”

These phrases are commonplace on the Internet and all around the country. We hear them all the time. Just because the woman was dressed comfortably or fancy because she was comfortable in her own skin, she wanted to be raped. Just because she wanted to have a good time that night and decided to drink, it’s her fault it happened (even if a rape drug was involved). Just because she didn’t outright say no to him (or her), it’s her fault she got raped. “Boys will be boys”, used to excuse anything a man does. Rape never happens to men and it’s somehow funny to suggest it might. Women never rape people. It’s bullshit, plain and simple. Everyone likes to excuse behavior like that. If you raise a boy, girl, or nonbinary child to respect people and see them as personalities and lives instead of toys and prey, rape wouldn’t be viewed this way. If you raise a boy, girl, or nonbinary child to expect respect and not give in to pleading or coercing or allow anything under standard, rape wouldn’t be viewed this way. This culture is changeable, but no one is willing to make the change. There are legitimately people out there who laugh about men getting raped. Statistically, 1 in 6 men will get raped in a year…and that’s just the ones, in this fucked up culture, who are willing to report it. Statistically, 1 in 3 women will get raped…and again, just the ones, in this culture, who are willing to report it. In high school I couldn’t find a single girl who had not been raped at least once (whether orally or whatever form doesn’t matter), and I (physically female but genderfluid) was the only person I knew who had not experienced it. I came very close around 9, but luckily my older brother caught the guy in time and thanks to him I was the only one untouched by high school, by 18 years old. …Shouldn’t that be terrifying? By the time this generation is reaching adulthood, 1 in 100 kids has not experienced rape, and most of it is because we are taught to sexualize and objectify everyone instead of befriend and love them. We are taught apathy or pity, not empathy.

Now do you understand why we’re in chaos? Why I want to escape? Why everyone wants to leave?

I’m really stressed every time I turn on the news because it’s always more and more bad things. We live in chaos. There are days I don’t want to wake up, days I contemplate self-harm, and days I want to leave the country entirely. This chaos is enough to crush a society.

[eeveelutionsforequality]

So, I just watched this video, and as a lazy benefits scrounger myself (or, more specifically, a disabled person who requires support just to leave the house and struggles to speak aloud, and thus is physically and mentally incapable of holding down any kind of job that requires leaving the house, having a degree, communicating with people, standing up or having a working computer) you may think that I'm a little bit too biased to be talking about this, but I have spotted a few points on which both sides of the conversation have fundamentally missed the point, and I feel like my more hands-on experience of the situation may provide a little extra perspective for both of them.

The first misconception is in the purpose of benefits - RM argues that they're to pay for people to survive and Riley seems to think that they're supposed to be some kind of fill-in for a job. They're not. The purpose of benefits is to either pay for people to survive to a relative level of comfort during periods where they cannot otherwise do so, or to pay for people to get themselves to a position in which they can work. We'll get to comfort in a moment, but I want to focus on the second purpose first, because I believe it to be the primary purpose of benefits and the one that should be aspired towards.

Notice how I said "having a working computer" in the list of the potential job requirements - that's because there are jobs out there (freelance writing, art, website design, being a self-published author, etc) that I could actually physically do as long as certain needs were met (longer timeframes for me to get the work done in, as I type slower due to my arthritis) and a computer would allow me to do those jobs. Meaning that the benefits payments I'm on currently could actually simply be a stepping stone to me getting a job and coming off the benefits, provided they paid enough that I could get the things I need to make that transition. However, if you view benefits as just something to keep people surviving, I could never get the things I need to progress to a life without benefits and I would spend the rest of my days just surviving - probably shortening my lifespan as the poor diet and conditions has a very detrimental effect on my disability, and each day on benefits makes it that much harder to conceive of getting to a point where I'm well enough to get a proper job. There are other cases of this and other situations in which this is the sole purpose of the benefits, heck just think about student loans and grants. The government actually saves money in the long term on benefits if it pays out enough in the first place for people to get what they need to get off benefits - suits, haircuts, aftershave, and other things that RM classes as "luxuries" are actually "necessities" when it comes to being a successful applicant in the job that will finally get you off benefits.

I was recently approved for a grant from to buy curtain poles because I couldn't afford them - curtain poles are a "luxury" by RM's definition, yet they provide dignity and comfort. RM is defining "luxury" at a different point on the pyramid of needs to what Riley defines "luxury" as. Some amount of comfort and dignity is actually a necessity for the human psyche, although it may be a luxury for the human body - such as refrigerators, curtains, phones, relatively nice food, etc - and once someone on benefits is denied those things and forced to donate all of their money to shitty food and the most basic bills, their mental state is going to suffer, they may become depressed, go on drugs and forego the food or housing to pay for it, and even die. A lack of dignity and comfort does not foster the kind of environment that motivates someone to want to work, and although the negative reinforcement and the threat of death may seem like a motivator, for those who repeatedly apply for jobs, become a burden on their family and friends, get nowhere, and have an empty stomach for six months, it isn't so.

Another argument for the comfort aspect is that we do pay benefits to people who have jobs that they can scrape by on, but cannot live with dignity - especially those with kids. We do not want people growing up in an atmosphere where they are regularly malnourished because they're living on a single 20p pack of instant noodles and water, and their ceiling is covered in damp and mould, and all of their clothes are itchy and worn because they're hand-me-downs - that generally doesn't foster an energized and hardworking person, it makes people ill. Decent clothes, decent food, curtains, refrigerator, phones, aftershave, carpets, and things like that aren't "necessities" by RM's definition, but leaving someone malnourished in what is essentially a concrete cell with floorboards and a druggy across the hall, isn't generally regarded as either what we want for those struggling in our society or an atmosphere that will help them progress. While RM is quick to define "poor" as a spectrum, she's not defining "luxury" as a spectrum, and I think that allows for using the term "luxury" to make everyone think about the lobster, and not spend as much time dwelling on why the fridge, the curtains or the new toothbrush might actually be something we want poor people to have. Additionally, I can prove without a doubt that the government and various organizations and charities that specialize in this are on mine and Riley's side with this one, at least in my country, not just by the fact that they gave me curtain poles but in regards to things specifically brought up in the video... because I also got a free second hand fridge, oven and washing machine when I moved into a flat that wasn't furnished, due to the fact that they were considered necessities.

The second thing overlooked was why I believe Riley brought up the overall cost of benefits to the tax payer - what I believe she's saying is that lowering the benefits and inducing further suffering and mental strain on people in your own country isn't going to do much at all to reduce the cost of your taxes, while there are other things that could be cut with a lot less negative impact on people that would lower your taxes much more. I think the point she's making, and this could be entirely misinterpreting on my part but I've seen enough of her videos that I think I have at least a little grasp on how she thinks, is that the media and the government put a lot of emphasis on benefits, benefits scrounging, the spending of those on benefits, and so on, in order to deflect away from their own spendings. It's a sort of "Look at how awfully these people are spending your money! Pay no mind to how awfully I'm spending your money." situation. Ultimately, I think the focus of the conversation on reducing taxes should be on "What things can we cut that will have the least detrimental impact on people?" and "What things can we safely cut that will save tax payers the most money?" and not on vilifying the poor and disabled.

Which brings me to something RM definitely missed, and that's disabled people. Disabled people have to buy certain things that able people don't, from shower aids to medications to support workers, which is immediately more money to survive alone, and they may be on benefits for the entirety of their lives. Generally, we're compassionate enough to value the comfort and dignity of people - so we want those people to live comfortable lives, with entertainment and somewhere to sit, and the security that they're not going to fall over in the shower - and so we don't want people who's lives are going to be spent entirely on benefits to "just survive", we still want them to be happy and comfortable.

You can argue that nobody "deserves" anything, least of all luxuries, but the benefits system doesn't work on what people "deserve" - the system is a social contract, not a philosophical debate, and it works on the basis that we as a society have decided that we think nobody within that society should live below a certain level of comfort, and thus those above that level of comfort will pay a little in to help those who cannot currently (or ever, in the case of some disabled people) reach it. RM's argument that nobody "deserves" anything and that benefits are only to meet the needs of survival is, again, missing the point of the benefits system and the reasons that people have for supporting it. You can "survive" in an extremist dictatorship where your speech is entirely controlled, but you disagree with that because that would be cruel and oppressive, similarly, people disagree with a society as advanced and wealthy as ours allowing certain members to live in squalor, and arguing for that with "Well, they're surviving, aren't they?"

The fourth (?) point I want to address - which isn't so much a misconception but more a separate topic being dragged in and used for this one - is that RM mentions people who struggle to get by and still pay taxes. Firstly, in my country everybody pays taxes in some way - VAT is added to the cost of almost all purchases, so unless you're living entirely on weed and heroin, you're paying VAT on the things you buy - so even those on benefits are paying into the system. Secondly, Riley already made the point that there are kinder and more effective ways of reducing taxes than cutting benefits or controlling those on benefits, so Riley has already pointed to a way to make those people's lives easier that doesn't involve hurting the people less well off than them to do it. Also, lowering the taxes on the poor or raising the point at which you begin paying taxes is a separate argument altogether - Riley is for everyone being able to live comfortably, so she's clearly not for stealing from the needy to pay the needy, in fact she's probably for people on that low of an income being given benefits themselves (like I mentioned earlier with child support and certain kinds of benefits and grants that can be paid to those on low income) to make their lives more comfortable - it's an odd point to bring up because it sounds like a "Gotcha, you didn't think of the poor! How will they feel if you're spending their money on lobster!?" when really she's saying "Help everyone who can't get a fridge get a fridge".

The fifth point is backpay. Whenever someone comes at me with the "How can you afford a phone when on benefits, huh?" argument, the first thing I question is how much they know about backpay. The benefits system is a little fucked, because you can't save more than a certain amount before your benefits are cut, and it's also a little fucked because it takes a while to get accepted and for the payments to start - from months to years. This creates the problem of backpay - they give you all of the money that you missed out on while waiting to get accepted in one go, but in some cases you then actually have to go and spend some of the money instead of saving it all, because otherwise you can get too close to the amount where you've saved too much (and even if getting too much wasn't a risk, it's still fair to expect people to spend a sum of money on something that makes them happier when they have a little extra). If you've lived without a phone for a few months when waiting for benefits, and then you finally get a grand in backpayments, you're probably gonna splurge out on a phone, pay off the debts you've incurred while waiting and then save any leftover. I'm going to spend the one I get in a few days on a new mattress because the mattress I'm currently sleeping on makes my back feel like someone's been beating me all night (probably because it's a temporary portable mattress not a proper one, because I could only afford that at the time) - again, there's that grey area between necessity and luxury, because while a comfortable mattress is technically a luxury, surely making my arthritis and insomnia worse, making my mornings miserable, and generally just making me feel shit, isn't going to help me get a job and get off benefits, and it isn't exactly luxurious or outlandish to want that. If a kid said to their parent "I need a new mattress, I can't sleep" the parent wouldn't go "You want a new mattress, comfortable nights are a luxury". To most people decent mattresses aren't a luxury, but when it comes to benefits we use this new definition of "luxury" that means "not essential to survival" to warp how the conversation sounds - we're using the perception of the word "luxury", even when the word is being used in a different context, to invoke a desired emotional reaction. I think we've all heard the term "privilege" used with the same effect.

Of course, RM's argument is that they don't "deserve" any more money than what they need to survive, and that probably includes backpay. Firstly, those people were entitled to benefits for the entire time they were waiting - potentially homeless, living on friend's sofas, in hospital, incurring debts for bills they couldn't pay, struggling to eat - we pay them the backpayments because they needed the money for the entire time, and it's a good way to help lift them up onto their feet after what would've undoubtedly been a very difficult wait. And secondly it would cost a lot more, waste paper, require more labour, and potentially be somewhere between absurd and impossible (and definitely touch on the dystopian element of controlling and limiting the lives of disabled and poor people that Riley mentioned), to actually get every benefits recipient to, once accepted, send in proof of every single debt they have, the money they owe to family and friends, and so on, and then wait to be accepted for a personalized backpayment before receiving any money whatsoever... and some people would receive more money that way because they could easily incur debts intentionally knowing that they'd be paid off, so another system would have to be put in place to decide which debts deserved to be paid and which didn't. It would be ridiculous, and the philosophical argument RM puts up for this kind of control doesn't play out in practice, it's not rational or practical - not just in regards to backpayments, but right down to the fact that people have different needs, different dietary requirements, different body shapes and sizes thus different clothing costs, different energy providers, different rents, and it becomes a nightmare to either dish payments out on an individual basis or find the minimum amount that would keep everyone safe but stop people from overspending (and ultimately, some people will still overspend and go without food, as I do - I'll go a month without eating so that I can buy a new t-shirt, and RM's argument is in part basically "You're not struggling that bad if you can just give up food" and "We should dictate what you eat so that you can't give up food for luxuries", which all just... it sounds dystopian and unachievable).

In fact, that's probably my least favourite argument RM makes: that because it's "taxpayer money" she has the right to dictate what it's spent on, and the right to say that no amount of starving themselves gives someone the freedom to buy a fridge with the money they've saved. Firstly, as I've already said, I pay taxes too, I pay VAT on the things I buy just like everyone else. Secondly, it's not your money, it's money that people all over the country voted to give up and redistribute to those who need it - enough people pay taxes that the portion of your money going to me specifically is negligible, you could lose decades of it down the back of the sofa and never miss it. But the people who want me to be able to buy a fridge, or a t-shirt, or a lobster, or whatever, are also paying in and it's also their tax money going to me - it's not just the people who are making the arguments against it that are taxpayers with a right to have a say over their money, but the people who are for it too. And finally, when people decided for this to be a thing, it wasn't a question of "Should we give people this money, and if so what should they spend it on" they asked "Should we give people this money" and decided "yes". I don't see how it makes a difference to you if I buy a hundred energy drinks (35p each) or pay my water bill (£35), you are still providing me with the exact same amount of money, you are still losing the same amount of money from your paycheck, and the vast majority of that money is still going to things other than benefits.

I don't earn my money, but to say that means that I don't have the right to decide what food I eat and what clothes I wear, because you want to give a government the authoritarian power to dictate the lives of the poor - regardless of the negative impact that has on their mental state because "We only want them to survive, not have luxuries", while using luxury to include things that maintain the most basic level of comfort and dignity, and in doing so essentially saying that the government should have the power to force people to live in carpet-less, furniture-less, curtain-less houses, with just enough food not to starve and no spare money for if a window smashes or a t-shirt rips - is how you make prostitutes, drug dealers, thieves, and people literally willing to kill to get into prison for a better life.

~ Vape

[paumeranian]

Interview #2

11/3/19

Tell me about a time where you started feeling symptoms. What did you do? How did you feel in that moment

Looked a bit bewildered when I started to ask the question – mouth open, blinked hard to start thinking about question

“Symptoms for sickness?”

“Previous experiences demotivated me to go to the doctor”

Go back to instincts if it’s something I’ve experienced before. If not, I turn to Google to get an idea of what it might be

Gets concerned if symptoms persist after 1-2 weeks

*fidgets with hand while talking* lead to talking about finger infection

Effect of googling symptoms – sometimes can lead to anxiety, but generally calms my nerves down if what I’m reading isn’t too alarming. An example was getting a finger infection and got scared thinking it would need to get amputated but Google suggested to take antibiotics which relieved my anxiety

I usually mention symptoms to my mum or a friend, I generally go to doctor with my mum since she pays for my check-ups ($40 students, $50 adult)

I’m in between child and adulthood in terms of taking responsibility for my health

I take into account if my friend is concerned after hearing my symptoms as a sign to visit the doctor

*talks with hands a lot*

Tell me about your healthcare provider. Is your doctor/GP available via booking an appointment or is it a walk-in clinic?

Recently switched to a new GP due to dissatisfaction with previous GP e.g. waste of money, wasn’t proactive with symptoms, didn’t talk through what could be happening with body and just gives medicine

Mum got recommendation from a friend to see a Chilean doctor, helps to talk to GP who speaks Spanish

All members of my family go to the same GP now, have been going for the past 5 months with 3 appointments

“Not sure why we need to see the same doctor as we live in different areas but it’s easier for mum to have one point of contact”

Generally satisfied although was worried about the distance from home at first

“$40 for students, $50 for adults is still a lot”

Feel obligated to come with a list of things to get checked out to get most out of time and money - “It’s kinda sad that I have to do that”

Solution would be to move but not considering it at the moment maybe in a few months

Poor service from receptionist

15-20 minutes appointment

Book a few days prior

Get recommendations from friend when “shopping around” for healthcare providers, considered  going to (Grey Lynn) centre but talked with mum about going to the same GP’s - mum took action and enrolled to same GP

Regularly, go twice to three times a year to the doctor (laughs), would only go if it’s necessary

Talk me through your usual process of allocating a day and time to see your doctor/GP? How easy or difficult is it to schedule an appointment at a time that suits you? (if it’s a walk-in clinic, how long do you have to wait to see your doctor/GP?)

Appointments done through phone calls, and potentially through “a computer system”

Busy clinic so booking can be difficult

Clinic gives recommendations and you work around them

“Would be nice to have an online platform for you to see when you can go”

Not open on weekends, e.g. calls Wednesday then would end up seeing GP the following Monday or Tuesday

“I could be seeing another GP during the waiting time, if I went to a less busy GP and possibly open during the weekend”

Would wanna be seen sooner rather than later

Is it important for you to get seen by the same GP each time?

Yes as there would be more understanding/connection with GP for recurring check-ups

Doctor would know your history better

Talk me through your most recent visit to the doctor or GP. What were you thinking and how were you feeling from waiting in reception through to going home?

Personal reflection: Had to explain this question further, perhaps I could’ve planned to word this differently. Wanted to have interviewee think about the question for a few seconds as it’s about “feelings”

Most recent visit was about a month ago

Anxious about what would happen next

Actual clinic looks like a home that’s been transformed to a clinic, doesn’t look like a clinic though

Generally packed waiting room

I read magazines while waiting, appointments usually run late so I make sure to allocate a lot of time throughout the day

*rubs face/eyes a lot, talks slowly in a relaxed manner, take into consideration that the interview was done in their home*

Felt relieved when GP was seen and given prescription meaning they could start “trialling” medication and felt like there was “more progression”

GP was quick, informative, gave notes - this was nice

Understands that the 15-20 min duration is to not make other patients who’ve booked wait

This is enough as GP is active in asking questions and finding things out

Compared to previous doctor who just listened instead of steer the conversation = “hard to know what to talk about when you don’t understand what you’re going through”

Goes same time as mum - one after the other so they sit in each other’s appointments, feels that there’s enough time to ask questions in case anything was forgotten before leaving

Can you tell me roughly how long you were seen by the doctor for?

15-20 minutes

Talk me through how you were feeling during the actual check-up.

FEEL during appointment: trusts GP but still anxious about “how” to explain feelings, concerned how to express what they’re going through but GP asks questions like “are you experiencing this” and replies with “yes” “no” etc. - anxiety subsides when they start to feel like the GP understands what they’re saying

GP asks other questions like how long it’s been persisting, etc

Start off anxious but depends on GP and how they act which is a huge factor that would leave them relieved/satisfied

Tell me about how your provider explained potential diagnoses and solutions.

Give brief explanation of what’s going on to GP

“GP analyses it in her mind probably”

GP talks through symptoms e.g. if it is this, have you been feeling ___, reply

Question and answer method until they reach a point of possible/actual diagnosis

GP explains why it’s happening e.g. environmental effects, immune system, chemicals = understand in a “more scientific level”

GP explains actions to take, gives timeframe for when it should get better with medication and if not come back

GP is informative, gives names and writes them down for patient to read through later

Medication/prescription explanation (benefits, side effects)

If concerned with side effects, GP “wholeheartedly” says what they are e.g. for taking antibiotics it’s good to compensate for what’s lost with probiotics (so far, interviewee always gives examples of personal experiences)

Test fees

E.g. blood test - take paper from GP to Labtest which is included in the appointment fee

Current GP informs them of results whether positive or negative unlike previous one who never followed up, turns out they are iron deficient but found this out from another practitioner - mum took action and got results from Labtest then

FEEL: angry that interviewee paid $40 and GP didn’t follow up when they said they will “bad service”

Tell me about a significant clinical experience you can recall (either positive or negative). Why was it significant? How did you feel in that moment? Why did you feel that way? Do most check-ups with your provider turn out like this?

Took longer to think about this situation which is understandable

E.g. with previous GP, interviewee consulted about a cyst which their mum had before at a young age (similar area) and needed to get surgically removed. GP however said to just take antibiotics - cyst didn’t get better, infection went away but it was still there, started to get inflammed, went back to GP and gave them more antibiotics

Wondered why GP wasn’t concerned about it especially with how long it was persisting

IMPROMPTU section of interview

Topic: Recommending surgery to patient

Added interviewee/participant: Shannon in the background

Following up from the cyst situation - moved to new GP in the first appointment that they had a cyst, GP brought up taking antibiotics but also surgery if it doesn’t get better

GP said it would be quick “right then and there”

“Could be that they’re just lazy about it”

Shannon: Are we just talking about GP’s or other specialists? *proceeds to tell her story about a surgery*

Consulted own GP about a freckle on lip and got referred to a dermatologist

Was monitored for 6 months, couldn’t see anything serious about it e.g. cancerous. Advised interviewee to come back if it changes colour or size and it did

After seeing it for the third time, within 10 minutes of the appointment specialist said to “cut it out” next week

Interviewee was shocked as they didn’t sign a consent form to the surgery, wasn’t told how it was going to be done and what to do

Hesitant as it was too sudden, felt like specialist was just trying to fit interviewee in the list before Christmas holidays

Quoted specialist “yo we’re gonna cut this out” was very casual while telling the story

Worried upon hearing that - “what? This is my face”

“Looking back that was really bad” - didn’t explain complications

Expressed feedback as they asked for it “doctors were shitty but the nurses were nice” *Cat laughs*

30-40 minutes surgery where interviewee was conscious and nervous

Assumed it was going to be a small cut, kept asking doctor what they were going to do

Appalled at doctor taking it so casually when explaining where they were going to do the cut

“I think they do hold back on surgeries because they’re expensive and they want to explore other options (first), But if they do surgery they’re gonna try fit it around them.”

E.g. asked doctor if surgery had to be next week and replied with “Well you know, I’ve got a very tight schedule and we don’t want it to get better” “Now or never”

Next time “I would take a support person with me or make sure I question it”

Doctor made it seem like surgery was the obvious way to go - interviewee (may have) felt like they weren’t in control of the situation

“I was just SHOCKED” which prevented them from asking questions

“I don’t care what it looks like I just want to know if I’m healthy”

Question: did they tell you what it could be or what it was caused by? Answer: Not really, said biopsy would have a look and explain what it was

“Doctor didn’t do a good job of stitching me up” as there was a mark left

Cat: I think doctors in NZ are generally lazy

Shannon: Not necessarily lazy but everything is kind of against them a little bit. Doctors are under-resourced, stressed, they’re trying to fit a 30 minute operation “next week” because they can and they need numbers. Like oh we’ll do it now I think they do just think of you as a number. Other family members have experienced this too where doctors are like “well you gotta do it now. There’s a long waiting list. Almost like guilt you into it”

Cat: Well then I guess maybe not lazy but just uncaring *uses hand to try get to a word*

Shannon: Bad bedside manner.

Me: Or not empathic?

Both: Yeah!

Shannon

First thing doctor said after sitting on computer not talking to interviewee before surgery was “Oh you nervous?”

“I’m sitting there trying not to cry” “Yo that’s not what you should say first thing”

Convinced self that “the worst is in your head” but after surgery was convinced that that was the worst and doesn’t want another procedure again without getting knocked out

Has accepted that that happened now, it’s “algood”

Back to script

Can you comment on the quality of care you typically receive in relation to the cost of a check-up? Rate the cost from:

Cat: Private provider hence why it costs more

“I feel like I shouldn’t pay $40, should be $30 max”

In the end, I still think it worth it due to GP being good and they still have to pay other staff, the space, resources etc.

Shannon: “$40 for a student though. That’s expensive”

On uni clinic: busy, under-staffed

Scale of 1-5, 1 being extremely unfair to 5 being extremely fair - Cat gave me a 3.8

Always see the same doctor and having been with them for 5 months, interviewee is certain they prefer it over previous doctor

Shannon: “I pay $15” and there’s a certain amount of free appointments for students. Not privatised.

Group reflection: On different healthcare prices

Free but walk-in so longer wait times

E.g. Central City Clinic is walk-in but costs $50 for a citizen and about $70 for a non-citizen

Fees can depend on location

Cat: “I wish it was easier to find information. I didn’t know that there was a Union (Health Centre). I thought all doctors were like $40. Never heard of an $18 doctor before.”

Shannon: “Also as students we’re all eligible to get a Community Service Card which gives you $5 prescriptions and discounted doctors. Even if you have a job. Normally sent to you during your first year of study […] There’s so much stuff that isn’t made aware.”

Cat: “Yeah! All the stuff I’ve learned are from Shannon or overhearing it. I never see it on a website or a pamphlet. I don’t know why it’s so hard to find really useful information, it’s like they don’t want you to use it.”

Doorknob moment

Poor customer service example: One time a doctor had overdosed her with steroids for a chest infection

Didn’t weigh her and she couldn’t stop trembling so had to go to the doctor

Another example: Doctor/GP had no bedside manner and told interviewee to “lose some weight” at age 14 (felt alone) and was intrusive when asking about family medical history

Receptionist told them that they needed their New Zealand Passport to apply in a condescending manner

Then after seeing it, receptionist changed attitude all of a sudden

Personal reflection:

Overall, I got a lot of insights from that interview and I really benefitted from changing the method. Sitting across Cat while asking her questions without typing away on my laptop to record her answers made it feel like a normal conversation with a friend. Before Shannon stepped into the picture, Cat seemed like she was a bit tired due to her rubbing her eyes a lot and talking slowly. However knowing her she does talk like that naturally anyway. I knew she had plans afterwards so I also didn’t want to drag the interview too long.

Interestingly, having another person contribute to the conversation changed the atmosphere. Once Shannon was able to talk about her own medical experiences, particularly more on the negative side, they both sounded enthusiastic to be talking about our topic which is healthcare. The reason why I chose it was because it seemed to always elicit conversation and it continues to do so.

[scriptautistic]

Masterpost: Writing Autistic Children

First of all, autism is what is usually called a “developmental disorder”. Now, not everyone sees autism as a disorder at all, many see it as a perfectly healthy brain type, and argue that the difficulties and disabilities that autistic people sometimes have to live with are due to having to live in an allistic-designed modern world rather than some intrinsic problem in ourselves. But the “developmental” part is usually accepted. It means that a person is born autistic, they are already autistic as a baby and even as a fetus, and their brain is different to that of a allistic person’s (even though science is not yet quite sure of precisely what this difference is).

Now, why “developmental”? It means that because of this original difference in their brain, the autistic child will develop differently than a allistic child would, and will end up being different as an adult. There is kind of a snowball effect: the brain difference will lead to a slight difference in cognition (the way information is treated by the brain), and this difference in cognition will lead to a developmental step that will be acquired differently (maybe earlier or later or through a different technique), and in turn this developmental step will influence the way the “next step” is acquired, and so on, and what was just a slight difference in the beginning gradually becomes the collection of traits that we call autism.

This is why as an infant, most people don’t discern any difference in behavior between a child who will grow up to be autistic and a child who will grow up to be allistic. However, some studies have proven that there are actually differences in the way information is treated even at that very young age: for instance, babies who will grow up to be autistic already tend to avoid eye contact, and instead of focusing on the eyes like allistic babies do when looking at a face, they tend to focus on the mouth. Here is a review of some of the research that’s been done on the subject.

But unless your character’s parents enjoy tracking his eye movements for some reason, they probably won’t notice before he is about 18 months old, at a minimum. Children are generally not diagnosed with autism before the age of two, because before that there is no way to know if a possible difference in behavior will be temporary or permanent, and also because the way a child learns to talk is often an important element when diagnosing autism in young children, and most children don’t start talking before the age of two.

There can, however, be signs or suspicions before this age. Here are some of the ways an autistic child might be different from an allistic one before the age of two (and please keep in mind that there is, as always with autism, huge interpersonal differences, and that an autistic child may present only a few or even none of these signs):

Does not smile in social situations

Avoids eye contact

Very jumpy or doesn’t react to sounds (doesn’t seem to hear when they’re called; parents may wonder if the child has a hearing problem)

Doesn’t seem to seek contact with other people, may seem to be ignoring others, may be described as “in their own world”, prefers to play alone

Doesn’t like being touched or hugged

Doesn’t react to being called by their name or to people talking to them

Doesn’t babble

Gets very upset when their environment changes

Doesn’t point with a finger to show objects to other people (or may use pointing, but only when they want the adult to get them the object)

Does not play pretend, might line up toys or spin the wheels of toy cars instead of playing with them in a typical way (prefers to play in stimmy ways)

Stims

Does not communicate through gestures

Does not follow people’s gazes (no joint attention)

Does not like to imitate others

Does not initiate social contact or playtime with others

Seems very calm or even passive

Has frequent, violent meltdowns for no apparent reason (of course, there are reasons, they’re just not apparent because people are either not good observers or don’t understand what is happening)

The child may also develop in an unusual way. They may hit some milestones (learning to crawl, walk, babble, talk, be clean, read…) early or late or in an unexpected order (never babbles and starts talking late but directly with fully constructed sentences, for instance). They may even regress (e.g. start talking normally around two years old, talk for a few months and then become completely nonverbal). They may have particular trouble with acquiring motor skills, language, or toilet training. This will become evident a bit later than the earlier signs, between two and six probably.

Here are some other traits which can occur after the age of two:

Prefers to stay away from other kids their age, may prefer the company of younger or older children or that of adults

Doesn’t talk or doesn’t make sentences

Uses echolalia to communicate

Has an unusual voice or way of talking

Walks on tiptoes constantly

Has a comfort item and gets very upset when separated from it

Gets very upset when their routine is disrupted

As the child grows up and acquires new skills and abilities, their traits will start to be more and more similar to that of an adult.

The main difference between an autistic child and an autistic adult which you have to keep in mind when writing a child character is exactly the same as the main difference between an allistic child and an allistic adult: the adult has lived for much longer and has a lot more experience. This means time to develop coping skills and strategies, to get better at social skills and to understand how your brain works, what sets their sensory system off and so on. An autistic child doesn’t look like an allistic child and an autistic adult doesn’t look like an allistic adult, but an autistic child also doesn’t look like an autistic adult! (Which is also one of the reasons why when parents of autistic children say shitty things and you try to correct them and they reply “you can’t speak for my child because you are so much more high functioning than them, it’s not the same situation!” we get very frustrated, because… of course I’m not like your child? I’m not a child?? But you have no way to know how I was as a child, maybe I was similar to yours…).

Now that you’ve used this general information to build your character, you still need to figure out what their life will look like and how being autistic will affect it; in short, how is growing up autistic different from growing up allistic.

Once again I want to emphasize the diversity of autistic experiences. A child who is completely nonverbal will have a different childhood from that of a verbal autistic kid. A child who is severely dyspraxic with comorbid disabilities will not live the same way as a child who doesn’t need support in their daily tasks. An intellectually disabled child will have a different experience to that of an autistic kid who’s regarded as “gifted”. And in addition to the differences caused by autistic traits, you of course also have to factor in a whole number of things such as gender, ethnicity, country of origin, social class of parents…

So really, there isn’t one formula, but I’ll try to explore briefly a few common experiences and the way all of these factors can shape them.

First of all, let’s talk about diagnosis. Here are some elements to keep in mind:

The more “obviously” autistic one is, the more likely they are to be diagnosed early. This is especially true if they are completely nonverbal. Children can start being diagnosed at the age of two.

On the other hand, if the character can pass as allistic most of the time, they may get diagnosed very late or even never get diagnosed.

The social and physical environment we live in gets more and more complex as we age. A toddler (unless they go to daycare) probably won’t get to see a lot of people their age. In kindergarten, relatively little in the way of social skills is required. More and more skills are needed in elementary school, middle school and high school; social rules become more and more complex and implicit. This is especially true from adolescence. More will also be asked of the child as they grow up in terms of sitting still, for instance. So one kid who could deal with the simple environment of elementary school well enough might be at a complete loss in middle/high school, have trouble making friends or obeying rules… And potentially get diagnosed during their adolescence because of this.

Others may reach adulthood or even spend their whole lives without knowing they’re autistic.

The older a person is, the harder getting a diagnosis is because many people will insist, “if you were really autistic, people would have noticed before”.

Children that were assigned female at birth as well as children who are not white tend to go hugely under-diagnosed.

Diagnosis can be a long, complex and costly process depending on the country. A poorer family might have a lot of trouble getting a child diagnosed, and they might decide not to do it at all unless the child absolutely can’t live without accommodations and needs a diagnosis to get them.

So your autistic child character may or may not be diagnosed. If they are, here are some things which can happen:

Depending on their needs, they can go to a special education program or to a normal school, with or without accommodations. It has not always been the case, but nowadays the most popular method is to put a child in an environment that’s as typical as possible. So if your character can sort of deal with being in a normal school environment with accommodations, that’ll probably what they’ll go for. As for the specifics of special education programs, it depends a lot on the country, region, even the school. Some places have boarding programs and are basically institutions, while some are just day schools for disabled children. The program may group the children by disability, specific needs, or just by age range. If they are in a typical school environment, some of the accommodations that can be offered to them are additional time to complete tests and assignments, different tests from the other students, instructions being given more slowly, differently or read aloud, as well as modifications to the classroom (e.g. different lightning, a quiet corner), education with the other children, or special allowances such as getting out of the room if they feel overwhelmed. They may also have an aide to help them in the classroom or spend some time each week with a special education teacher. There is often an individual plan for each child’s accommodations and objectives (called IEP in the US).

They may have therapy from a very young age. Many different types of therapies exist, ranging from speech therapy or occupational therapy to things that have been designed specifically with autism in mind such as ABA therapy, which unfortunately is the most popular kind of therapy which exists today, and has a LOT of negative effects on the kids who are subjected to it (and is widely regarded as pure abuse within the autistic community). Whatever the kind of therapy, all too often an “intensive” approach is used, which may result in toddlers having more than 30 hours of therapy a week. There’s a lot to say about therapies, some of them are helpful and some of them are harmful, but we’ll save that for another post. Also keep in mind that they can easily get very expensive if not covered by insurance or healthcare systems.

Medication is rarely used in the case of autism; it is, after all, not an illness. It can be used to manage comorbid conditions such as epilepsy, which is relatively common in autistic people.

Whether or not they are diagnosed, here are a few ways their autistic traits could affect their family life:

Some modifications might need to be made to the home so it is sensory-friendly for the child, such as changing the lightning, avoiding bright colors for the walls, using or avoiding carpets, removing clocks which make ticking noises… This is especially important in the child’s room.

If it’s the first autistic child they’re raising, most parents are likely to be at a loss at first when it comes to dealing with things like meltdowns or sensory issues. They will learn strategies to avoid them or deal with them over time, and the first step is figuring out that the child is not having random tantrums and that there’s a reason behind their behavior.

Sensitivities to taste and texture can make the number of foods the child is willing to eat extremely limited. Parents or caregivers may need to get creative to make them have a varied and complete enough diet.

Allistic siblings may get jealous and feel like their autistic sibling gets more attention and care than they do.

The whole family will likely end up with a pretty set routine if they didn’t already have one before their autistic child joined the family.

Visual planners and printed sets of steps (either written or using pictograms) may be useful to help the child be more independent in their daily tasks, and can be pinned to the walls in places where they’re useful.

These are just a few ideas. You can get creative or take a look at some blogs of parents of autistic children (preferably those who are themselves autistic) for inspiration.

From the perspective of the autistic child themselves, here are some things that they could experience:

If they haven’t been diagnosed or haven’t been told about their diagnosis, they may feel different but not know why. They may blame themselves for what they can’t do as well as other people. They may feel as if they were from another planet in some way. All of this can lead to serious self-esteem issues.

They may have trouble making friends. This may or may not bother them. If it does, they may feel isolated, excluded, or inferior.

They may try and teach themselves social skills by consuming a LOT of books/TV shows and trying to work out patterns.

Their preferred forms of play may involve stimmy things (such as playing on swings) or pretend play related to their special interests. Contrary to what many people think, many autistic people are very imaginative.

Especially if they go to a mainstream school, they are very likely to be bullied. Children often reject and are cruel to those who are different from them. They may not get physically beat up, but some mean teasing, getting called names or people coming and pretending to make friends while the others laugh is to be expected, sadly. This is not a universal experience but it is very, very common.

Now that we’ve taken a good look at the way an autistic child character would behave and what raising them or growing up as one could entail, I want to add a few words about representation.

As always regarding this issue, there are two schools of thought: the first one takes into account only the writing itself and ask themselves, “Is this character accurate? Realistic? Are they a good character?” to know if they’ve written good representation. The second takes into accounts meta aspects such as, “What are the stereotypes commonly used when representing this minority? what will my readers think of the minority I’m writing about after having read my story?” to assess whether or not their representation is good. We’ve had this discussion a few times on the blog, both have their arguments, and no one is right or wrong regarding this issue. The remainder of this post is geared towards those who are focusing on positive representation.

There is probably more media representation of autistic children than there is of autistic adults, especially if you count documentaries. I’d say the main stereotype is a child that is a completely nonverbal white boy who has constant meltdowns. This combination of traits is definitely possible, but please keep in mind that it is far from the only one that exists.

But the fact that I’d most like to point out is that this white, nonverbal autistic boy, in typical media representation, is first and foremost a tragedy. It broke his parents’ hearts when he wouldn’t meet their eyes or reciprocate their hugs. And when he was 18 months old and still hadn’t started talking, who could imagine the grief they went through? Never hearing your child saying “I love you” is probably the hardest thing a parent would ever have to face. Now, they love their child very much, of course. They’d do anything for him, anything to make him better or to break this glass prison he’s trapped in. And really, raising this child has become their full-time job. And it's a hard and thankless job, what with the daily meltdowns and the drives to and from various professionals’ offices for his weekly therapy schedule. Just yesterday their child bit them while they were trying to hug him…

Well, I don’t need to go on, I think you’ve got the picture. Autistic children are portrayed as tragedies and as a terrible burden on their parents’ lives. And unfortunately, that’s far from being the only bad media representation. Everywhere you look, this is the kind of content you see about autistic children, and I’d even say about autistic people in general - only recently have people apparently started to realize that autistic adults even exist - in newspaper articles or TV reports or parents’ blogs.

This gives the general public the impression that autism is a tragedy and should be eliminated so no one has to go through what these poor parents have gone through. This kind of attitude is, please excuse the expression, a “slippery slope” that leads to eugenics and infanticide. And the worst thing is, when one of these “poor parents” ends up murdering their child (yes, this happens more frequently that you’d think), the general public sympathizes with the murderer (and yes, this definitely does happen too, I’m not making this up).

So what I’m trying to say here is, please, write families with autistic children. Write parents who sometimes struggle with raising their autistic child because of lack of education about autism, or just because being a parent - the parent of any child - is hard. There can be conflict and there can be drama. But please, please, avoid writing the child’s autism as a tragedy. Avoid portraying them as a burden on their parents. Just for once, give us representation with a happy family and parents who love their autistic child with their autism, and not in spite of it.

That’s all I can think of about this subject. If anyone has follow-up questions, our inbox is open as always. Happy writing!

[shuvva]

Matt brainstorming stuff:

My two main challenges with Matt are 1) ‘why is everything I write for this kid so damn depressing and on the flipside how do I make him not an ~inspirational woobie~ without making him sarcastic/mean’, and 2) how do I write a character who is pretty much the opposite of my usual character archetype (loud angry obnoxious lesbian with an urge to wreck shit). The second part is kind of why I like him, though.

Kind of a mix of Sufjan Stevens + Owl City + Muse aesthetically. Earliest character inspiration was Matteo Alacran from The House of the Scorpion, whom he still has a…surprising number of parallels to despite the number of revamps he’s been though.

Early life: Was generally sickly as a child and got sick after being exposed  to an unvaccinated child and never really recovered. Met Nhu The Charismatic Trans Medical Experiment Wonder Child in the hospital and was later in her class in elementary school and they just sort of became BFFs after that.

Health issues are like asthma + other undefined chronic respiratory stuff + weak immune system. Also generally brainweird, but tends to be quieter about it that Ruma so he slips under the radar more. Has more pronounced anxiety and dissociation issues after escaping from Sulla, which are exacerbated by his powers.

Ruma is very 🗡🗡🗡 toward anyone who tries to hurt him

He and Ruma have a strained relationship for various reasons. They both have sort of built up these idealized versions of each other that they base their feelings toward each other off of when they really just need to sit down and talk. They finally get to reconcile in Act 3. Basically, they care about each other but have a lot of shit they need to work out before they really have a healthy relationship.

Ruma did do some legitimately shitty stuff to Matt as a teenager (lying to him about some important spoiler-y stuff + bailing on him) that he doesn’t 100% forgive her for. From her perspective, she thinks she was protecting him. I can see the eventual future discourse on this brewing from here.

In general he and Ruma remind me a lot of Dean and Sam from Supernatural, although I made them before I even knew about Supernatural so this wasn’t on purpose.

Chris Traeger from Parks and Rec (particularly when he gets neurotic or freaks out about stuff) is another one of my headcanons for him.

To change the subject: VOID POWERS. He can do stuff like phase into other people’s dreams, make dreams real to an extent, and make people selectively not notice things. (Explanation: People only notice a fraction of what they perceive, and remember only a fraction of that they notice. You’d get completely overloaded and be unable to process anything otherwise. Matt’s power lets him obscure information by making people less likely to notice and therefore remember it).

It’s pretty similar to the Man in the Tan Jacket from WTNV

Mind control doesn’t work on him. You try to mind-meld with him, you just get…static. I haven’t decided if he could mind-meld with someone if he wanted to and could turn his powers off, or if he’s just straight-up incapable of it. But yeah, he’s not telepathic as a side effect of this.

More advanced applications of his powers: selectively shorting out cameras, summoning rifts to phase himself into, creating a sort of void cloud that extends his powers to anything in about a 10 foot radius. Also has telekinesis. This becomes important later on.

Might be able to project himself through rifts for a couple of seconds. (sort of like Lilith from Borderlands’ phasewalk ability) Haven’t decided whether he can interact with people/objects while projecting or whether it’s more of a ghost-type situation.

I think Ruma and Nhu are kind of desensitized to his powers since they’re around him the most. That would be a handy way to explain their general resilience to daemon powers. (Especially for Nhu, since I have other explanations for Ruma. For Nhu I just have…she’s an ADHD bonehead which makes her super inconvenient if not impossible to mind-control. Ruma’s explanation is that she will mentally kick you to the curb if you try to mind-control her)

In case it wasn’t obvious, people like Kaunya and Sulla are literally drooling to get their hands on someone or something (there’s not much of a difference to them) with Matt’s powers. That’s why they’re after him. Other people are after him for their own reasons as well and Matt is pretty sick and tired of it. He can use his powers to evade them, but it gets exhausting after a while, and he doesn’t have a lot of extra physical or mental energy to keep that up.

Also, idea I just had, K + S wanting to his dream powers to basically keep people in induced comas. Not something that Matt would ever consent to, though.

Danza’s essentially his guardian angel. His shitty obnoxious guardian angel who keeps saving his ass and is probably working for someone but I can’t say who or why. Their dynamic amuses me but I don’t really condone shipping it. Danza’s mean and Matt needs emotional support and Danza’s not interested. Brynnza’s a better ship anyways.

Probably eats relatively healthily but also eats a lot of sugar and Starbucks and shit.

I have had Matt as a character for over 10 years and I am just NOW realizing that he’s bi and probably wears gold jewelry. I attribute this delay to me being a fool and a coward.

[saundrahuff-blog]

I believe

There has been one thing I have discovered that amazes me as much as it irritates me. No matter what proof you have, you can have Jesus right beside you saying it's true, and a conspiracy theorist will not believe it. Instead, they will fight to the death trying to prove the illuminate, elite, secret government out to kill us, staging 9/11 and sandy hook. Most of the time I could care less. But, having stood in the shoes of someone telling me that what I was there to see wasn't what happened, I get a bit more argumentative. Knowing how devastating it was to me to have my child accused of causing the death of an 8 year old when it was actually the one accusing my child that caused the death of his own son, I get very protective of other parents dealing with any tragedy. And at least my daughter and son in law lived. How many parents, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, or loved one had to hear how their loved ones death was a lie? How do you even start? My daughter was on life support, and I was being told to prepare myself because she wasn't likely to wake up from her coma. And if she did, she would most likely be severely brain damaged. And it was during that time that I got my first death wish. How this person hoped my daughter died since she killed an 8 year old child. I was told by police, witnesses, and every one that reported that it was the other driver who pulled completely left of center that caused this to happen. So why this person said it was my two who were at fault baffled me. To find out it was the driver that was accusing them, with their family telling everyone, I so did not need that drama. Especially knowing how close I came to losing my daughter. I was standing by her bed once when she coded. I actually was seeing my daughter die in front of me. I went thru everything. Fear, disbelief, pleading, praying, begging her not to leave. It actually took me getting angry before I could reach were she was to hear me. I yelled, I screamed, I called her names, and I forbade her to die, and I also told her that I would tell everyone that it was because she gave up. She was breaking her promise to Shawn. Thank you God, that pissed her off that she came back to cuss me out. Of course, she had a breathing tube in so it's not like she could actually talk. She tried to flip me the most pathetic bird I've ever seen. And of course that hand was tied down. She came back, and she came back with a purpose. To cuss me out. Even tied down, she tried to hit me. I just egged her on. This was actually the moment we started counting the times she called me bitch. That was fun. I could tell from her eyes that she was calling me that. The poor nurse was saying that of course she's not, when she looks at him and shakes her head yes. But making her mad worked. So poor her, we used that knowledge left and right. Her pain was real. There was no way you could have that many injuries and not be in pain. I'll try to list them from head to toe. Of course, TBI, concussion, tear in her bronchial tube, cracked sternum, broken cracked ribs, internal bleeding, hematoma, both lungs collapsed, two compound fractures in her upper arm, shattered wrist, broken compound fracture in her hand and fingers, compound fracture in her femur in two places, and she lost her knee. Plus all the bruises and cuts. So there was a lot going on. Most people don't survive that much. When they first told me all her injuries, she was in a medical induced coma. I just couldn't wrap my head around it all. So, I think that I should be excused my sarcasm when they told me not to worry, they found her knee in her upper thigh and put it back. With a spring. I became fixated on that screw. Her knee is spring loaded. And from that moment on, I was determined to keep fighting for each and every improvement. That's were my Keep Moving Forward came from. I would only allow steps forward, a pause here and there, but always moving forward. I asked what needs to happen next for her to survive. Step by step, big ones, small ones, didn't matter, at least we kept moving forward. And we did it. We celebrated each step, no matter how big or small. So imagine how it hit to hear that the person that caused this nightmare blaming the one he almost killed. It was just even more of a nightmare. When I would confront the grandfather about accusing my child he ran and hid. When I would try to talk to any of them, they hid. And I was still being attacked for saying it could possibly be the other drivers fault. I can't tell you the utter astonishment when I was asked by his family to not defend my family, to not tell what happened, because it only hurt them more. None of them understood just how insulting and wrong that was. And it wasn't until almost a year later before we found out how it was caused. The driver had used weed, meth, heroin, and prescription drugs as a celebration for being released from a heroin rehab center. Both him and his wife. High as a fucking kite. He was walking around right after the crash, trying to tell the ones helping that it was y kids fault. She was hurt enough they put her in a coma. Not for long. And when she woke up? Told about her son? She was upset she couldn't get more pain killers no a cigarette. Now, understand, while she was being treated, she was getting painkillers. Multiple ones. I'm judging this on what they gave my daughter. When they were taking her off the painkillers, the way we knew it was out of her system, was when the hallucinations stopped. So I know they would do this for the wife also. But, when your an addict, it takes a higher dose than normal to get any effect. So her asking for more pain killers was a little telling. Plus she signed herself out of ICU as soon as she could because they draw blood a lot to check levels. And this all happened in the first ten days. It's been a year and half since then. He's on trial, they lost their other son the moment of the crash. She has been on a campaign to discredit everyone. My favorite was how I was in cahoots with the judge and that's why there is a trial. Her husband has a shitty lawyer, that's why the trial is still going. It's my fault for blaming them. Every day since July 17, 2015, 2:23 pm. The moment of the crash. So, I have an inkling of how the family members of the victims feel. And it's why I will argue with anyone trying to make their lives any harder by facing someone saying it's a government conspiracy. That it's a lie. You have the right to believe whatever bull you want. But, to make the victims life any harder than it already is is just evil.