#that can be later me's problem i guess
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duunswitch · 1 month ago
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celtrist · 7 days ago
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I just vented out a whole rant about how aromantisim is treated within Hazbin/helluva. I'm not really sure if I should post it for multiple reasons, one of which being I don't want anyone to feel targeted about it or take it the wrong way (like I honestly dont have beef with Al shippers. Gripes, but no beef as I also ship him on occasion).
There was just a sudden burst of frustration I had with it that I think was in part just came from built up frustration from other things. There's things I'd like to have out there, but I don't really think it'd get far or, again, be just taken the wrong way. I don't see a point in posting if people are gonna ignore it, plus it wouldn't change how things are now. If anyone has any thoughts or are curious let me know, but I don't wanna make anyone feel like shit or put a pointless rant out there no one wanted to see. I also wanna keep rants to a minimum as I know people aren't always into that sort of stuff, especially if you don't follow someone for that and you just get an influx of posts of them complaining. And I still want to keep things relatively light hearted around here, at best maybe just some critiques on things here and there.
It's late, I'm on my phone when I should probably just sleep it off, so sleep it off I will.
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anderstrevelyan · 6 months ago
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Hmm, I officially have a fully polished first chapter of my next fic, time to fight the temptations
What if I...just—
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monster-noises · 3 months ago
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Anyone out there got a solution for when you're feeling really stuck with your art and everyone and their mother tells you the solution is to do studies and figure drawings and other such things but even just thinking about doing those things makes you Spiral and want to Kill Yourself?
#monster noises#it's 1am no one will see this it's fine#it's a genuine problem though i Wish i could be aotherfucker who found it engaging and satisfying to do figure drawing#but i both A) had some bad experiences with this type of learning in highschool that i guess kinda make them triggering for me i guess?#and B) my brain doesn't seem to be able to like.. Learn Things.... That Way.... or at least not Obviously#i mean obviously i've improved as an artist over time in general#and i won't lie and say i've Never done figure drawing or studies or anything#but i never leave those situations feeling like i've Learned anything#mostly i've just sat for several hours growing increasinglyore frustrated#at my limitations and inability to achieve what i feel should come to me intuatively#and even if i Did feel like i've learned something i can seemingly never turn around and then apply it to something else#my brain does not make those lateral connections#it's why i can't do word problems in math.#and plus i also find stuff like figure drawing especially Rarely helps me make progress on the parts of my work i Actually want to improve#fluidity/mobility/stylization and surrealism#and only reinforces practices i want to pull away from#realism/'correctness'#all this combined leaves me just kinda stuck because i really can't power through my fear of these practicing methods#because i also don't find them useful#but i have no alternatives because it's like.. the only thing anyone suggests because theoretically is Does Work#but just not when you're Specifically Busted like I'm Busted#and so I just continue to stagnate until idk.. i find something else that can abruptly and suddenly launch me forward again?.#augh.. being an artist is The Most Enjoyable (_=<=)_
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 10 months ago
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Oh god.
This summer you sent our mutual friend a package, to get to me. An heirloom, a bit of camp history. Passed down to me.
And on that package, your phone number and address. Your phone number, that I had long deleted from my phone because the urge to call you was always too strong.
When I last saw you in person, you said that when you finally moved to the city it would be with your girlfriend. You would move in together. And surely, she would become your fiancee and then your wife.
There it is. On the package. Your new address, in the city.
I have to keep myself from calling you right now. You probably have my number blocked, and I truly don't know what I'd do if you answered. But I would give anything to hear your voice again.
Even if it's just you saying, "Hello? Who is this?" While her voice is in the background, asking you what you want for dinner.
At this point, I don't even need to be the voice in the background asking what you want for dinner.
I just wish I could be the voice on the other end of your phone call.
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quietwingsinthesky · 7 months ago
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so funny to me that jenny doesn’t regenerate or anything, she just comes right back to life as the same person. girl how’d you do that.
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californiaquail · 3 days ago
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yesterday i had someone call concerned about a remaining stitch in their dogs formerly torn eyelid wanting to bring it in to get it out and i asked boss if he wanted me to tell her to bring it in today (only me and him and the office manager working) and he was like "NO 😤 it requires anesthesia and if we're going to put them under anesthesia we need staff (meaning his tech because i don't count as a person to him) we can't do it tomorrow 😤" and he scheduled her for next week sometime (i assume) well guess what we did today. put a walk in patient under anesthesia to clean out an abscess and nobody died due to my terrible incompetence or the lack of a tech. crazy
#it was really annoying because he puts things under on fridays when its just me all the time like we try not to schedule that stuff but#people will just show up at the front door with weird ass problems and for some reason he always takes them in#or he'll schedule like cat neuters which are very fast and straightforward but still putting them under#he's so fucking inconsistent with what he wants and it's so goddamn annoying and he'll suddenly decide we need to do something differently#for no good reason and then get pissy as hell when we don't automatically pick up on it#like today he got mad at me for setting charts on the counter and not using the rack on the back of the door but whole entire time i've been#there we've never used that rack but now he decides the way it's been going is too disorganized for him and we have to do something else#“we only need one chart at a time” spoken like a man who doesn't have to do the charting and isnt working for the pissiest man baby on earth#who takes hours to decide what he's going to do with a patient and changes his mind all the damn time. fuck you#it was so annoying and made me even slower but whatever at least it's not ~disorganized~#recently he got pissed at my coworker for not writing down heart rates well guess who never ever takes heart rates when it's him examining#we watched this man diagnose a dog with disc disease without even taking rads of it#he fucked up two of my charts today because he put the vaccine stickers in the wrong place because ?? he doesn't think i can do it i guess?#my coworker is going to try to yell at me for that later and i'm going to be like it was 👉🏻 that bitch and she's going to be like >:(#MANY such cases.......#OH also he fully missed fleas on a dog EYE saw a flea on the comb and went and double checked to confirm it was full of fleas. astonishing#i told him she had fleas and he's like “i just checked and i didn't see any fleas or debris!” well buddy thats not because they werent there#me
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insanechayne · 16 days ago
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~ ~ ~
#for the last couple days whenever I try to talk to partner about something more serious I’m feeling/thinking they just acknowledge that#they read it and then just blow it off. like putting a sad face emoji to show they read my message and then sending 💕 which is our#indicator for ‘don’t want to/can’t talk right now’. and if they were at work I’d understand but then they don’t try to let me talk later#when we’re together either. and this has even been happening at times where they’re home on a day off. I get maybe not having the energy or#capacity to let someone vent or complain or whatever but at the same time… we’ve been together a year and a half and we live together now#and they’re supposed to be the person I can count on to let me talk and help me feel better if I’m depressed or sad or anxious or whatever#I would do it for them and I do actually do it for them whenever they need me to because I believe that’s what a good partner should do#and yeah my problems are not very serious but they’re still a big deal to me and making me sad/upset and I want to be able to talk about#them outside of just going to therapy once a week. therapy is great and all but emotions aren’t programmed to just line up with a session#I’m still going to think and feel things during the rest of my time outside of therapy and need support and I’m just not getting it now#but what am I supposed to do? try to force them to listen to me? that wouldn’t be fair to either of us#guess I’ll just be stuck alone with my thoughts as usual#personal
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c4tb1t · 2 months ago
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also fun fact abt my brother is that he turns into a bird when he is under extreme sudden stress or gets startled. He sounds like a crow he's very odd . What's his problem.
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loverboybrightsideghost · 2 months ago
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transgenderism dilemma
in the vein of that last post, i'm not sure what to do about my straight cis friends who keep referring to me as she. they are very supportive and they try their best to understand and i appreciate them so so much!!! but when i have other friends (some also trans and some cis but queer) who do make the effort to call me he or they (which i retired a while ago lowkey) , it's just kind of glaring when some of my friends still call me "she."
i know i told them any pronouns are fine and it doesn't bother me, but it kind of does. i don't want to go by "he" full-time, mostly because i'm more than a little nervous of being accidentally outed to people i'm not ready to be out to (my parents or some of my professors). but they're my friends. but i also know that if i tell these friends to call me "he" or even "they" (which still annoys me but at least gets them to acknowledge i am trans), i run a serious risk of them Not Understanding in front of someone i don't wanna be out to.
should i be this worried? should i have to go back and forth mentally about whether it's worth it to get gendered correctly by certain people when i know those people might potentially and completely accidentally out me?
i don't know. is it worth it? is it? to be gendered correctly or not to be. to be content with "they (sometimes) got the spirit." hm.
what do i DO??? do i even do anything?? AUGHHH!!!
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hitsuyou-fukaketsu · 2 years ago
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oohhh royal knight in training subaru and prince hokke oohhghh
#they have been in my mind can you guess#but like listen#mr akehoshi died in a war led by seiya(king) 10 years ago and now subaru is following the steps of his father#so seiya has a soft spot for him although subaru hates the monarchy for that and onlydoes that bc its the best high income job he can do to#support his mother#also hokke just despises his monarchy duties and one day he is going out of the castle by himself and subaru is like what is this idiot doin#and subaru is like 'Hey you dumbass! where are you going on your own?' and hokke is like 'dont you know who i am? learn some manners before#speaking to me!!' and subaru is like 'of course i know who you are! you are stealing my horse where the hell are you going you clown of a#prince!!!!!!#and hokke ignores him but he actually doesnt know what he is doing so subaru just runs behind him#and after a while hokke gives up and explains that he doesn't want to be a prince so he decided to escape and subaru is like ?? this guy??#and concludes it must be a rebellious phase because he was borned with a silver spoon and just wants to create problems for himself#so he tells him that the life outside the palace is horrible and hokke should appreaciate his life more. everyone would want to be the princ#hokke thinks for a moment and concludes that no. subaru is wrong. and subaru is starting to get annoyed so he sends hokke to the palace#(but in their argument he acutally stole some jewelry of hokke so he sells those to help shinonon the poor guy selling milk and newspaper#and the next day hokke goes to him like 'you stole from me give them back' and subaru is like 'i thought you wouldnt notice. you dont need#them anyway'#and they start arguing again.#chiaki (subaru's knight trainer) sees them and later says to subaru that they seem close#and subaru is like 'no we dont!! he is a selfish jerk who only thinks of himself!' and chiaki thinks he is the only person subaru has gotten#close to#bc hokke doesn't like interacting with guards or maids or anything that has to do with the castle either#so chiaki is like me thinks#so they keep doing sbhk shenanigans and they mutually warm up to each other#at one point hokke brings jewels to subaru personally so he can sell them in the city and sometimes subaru bri#subaru brings hokke to the city in some of their getaways. normal citicens dont know he is the prince just some noble bc of his clothes and#good manners. which subaru doesnt have.#at some point hokke is impressed by subaru's knowledge and he confesses that his father used to steal books from the royal library and then#thought him and his mother and it makes hokke think that they are quite similar#mr hidaka seiya is pretty glad hokke is getting along with subaru since he appreciated mr akehoshi a lot
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possum-tooth · 4 months ago
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izzy-b-hands · 5 months ago
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If I don't find a new job before September, it's gonna be 9 straight weeks of polls starting in September, every weekend of September and October (including the weekend of Housemate's bday, and the weekend leading up to Election Day)
In addition, no cancels or sick days will be allowed for that period of time. Any cancels or sick call outs will result in disciplinary actions up to a fast tracked firing (to be fair they didn't say this exactly, but the Implication in this part of the email is quite strong lmao.)
Anyone wanna hire me on to do literally anything? Dig holes? Clean your house? Shine your shoes? Feed your cat/dog/fish/cow/etc? Stare at a pot of boiling water for your dinner? Paint your living room then stand there and watch the paint dry then repaint it a different colour and watch it dry again? Anything at all, anything you want, anything-
#text post#i want to think I will have a new job before then bc ive been trying to force myself to be optimistic abt the job things#that said. been trying to feel that way for months and it doesn't seem to be working or making anything happen (which isn't a thing anyway)#despite my consistent sending out of resumes and cover letters to anything i might remotely be okay enough at or could learn quickly enough#so feeling less optimistic more worried and more utterly frustrated with this job#our polls haven't even been chosen by the big news outlets over the last few months!!! everyone uses AP instead (as they should tbh)!!!!#whomst in the fuck are we doing this for??? especially when so many of our questions as of the last few surveys#feel designed to stir up emotions and piss ppl off on both sides and treat it like a reality show voting portion#rather than the extremely serious election that it is#like. are we actually doing something useful here or can we just admit that polling like this to some degree#in its current form at least is a part of the problem#god im sorry i'll end the tag essay here soon but fuck me#i was juuuuust feeling like things were calming down and maybe I could get into later fall w/out major upsets/issues#so of course this is the best time for my manager to drop this on all of us#at least they warned us i guess. the bar is under ground and my manager consistently has a shovel#but he poked his head out of the endless hole he's digging to offer this warning before he pulls us into it with him#im so tired man
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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raspberryzingaaa · 1 year ago
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Thinking about going to World Most Boring Bible Study Ever. Idk yall. Idk. Idek.
#the number of times i have faked a call yo leave early. the number of times ive played solitaire on my phone. i got to the potty to kill tim#like! just answer questions its not that hard!!!!!!#you dont even need to be right just throw some spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks!#also group leaders stop reading questions from a script from your phone#ALSO PLEASE CAN WE STOP GOING THROUGH THE SAME VERSES WE GO THROUVH ON SUNDAYS#this is why we have a split in our life group/church crowdm just sayin#i just. i just miss doing bible studys with people who were way smarter than me#being a church kid in a college church is just 👁👄👁#i shpuldnt be dreading going to bible study!!!!!!#so its probably a me problem right?!#and also the group leaders have had to tell me to stfu more than once (politely. which was really annoying. dont pussyfoot around!!)#also our only bible study is also our ~only space for new comers~ so i get in trouble if i get too meaty in my excitements and theology#EHICH SHOJLDNT BE MY FAULT!!!!!!!#and YEAH it IS my fault that its my only spot where im spiritually feeding. but also there is a secret eomens group people mention that..#i guess im just excluded from? but also i know most of the women dont like me bc I have interminable Doesnt Shut Up Disease l#like i understand fhat yes it is a little my fault rhat me talking about deep theology makes them feel inadequate but also THAT SHOULDNT BE#guh. i also forgot my meds today so im a little bit more mulish and hard hearted#and i KNOW its a teachable moment amd God is usimg this to temper me or something else but im feelimg grumblr#and ill probably delete this later.#and i have to got to work ok bye
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fragmentedblade · 1 year ago
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Blade compared the relief from pain death brought him to the moments spent with his friends drinking together.
His desire for death as both a release from pain and from the condition of existence in which he finds himself now, so similar to that which he most hated (hated so much as to dedicate his entire life and self to fight, up to the point of crossing unthinkable barriers for shortlife species); but death also almost like a returning to the time that was, the joy and pride it brought him, and the friends and self he lost
#I have my qualms with this quest. I have them#But man. Man. I love him#They didn't have to make him such a good character. It could have gone wrong so easily with what they were doing#But I do love him very much#Yingxing the arrogant man the bashful teen and the stuttering kid. But haughty and determined and defiant at every stage#How smart and skilled and proud. How ambitious and revengeful too#I was going to talk about Jingliu and Dan Feng but I won't haha I may do later on#I don't know... I feel my chest so warm and so cold at the same time. I guess it's the fondness and the grief haha#I'm rambling though and I actually want to find this idea#Fragments and scraps#Yingxing#Blade#I've been told I can set the blog to private and that way I won't have the problem of throwing my posts in the general tag unwillingly#There's only one post I've wanted people to interact with and to this day no one has answered my question anyway#So I should consider that. It may be the best choice before half the HSR blogs block me for being annoying#I want to he able to find art and gifs haha#When I say 'life and self' I mean that not only did he dedicate his entire life to it on a temporal dimension#but he forged himself initially for this goal. Everything he was able to achieve he did by means of the skills he developed for this end#And that is what gave him the chance to craft a position for himself in the Xianzhou culture that looks down on shortlife species#His position as Huaiyan's apprentice‚ as a craftsman of the Zhuming‚ the Furnace Master‚ a legendary blacksmith and a hero‚#and thus even I imagine his position as a civilian human man living in the Xianzhou without being looked down‚ all comes from that goal#With all that weighting on the matter the fact that he became that which he hated and lost his ability to craft#because of the chance to bring someone back from the death becomes even more poignant especially if we take Baiheng to be#the condition of possibility of that being he crafted taking place‚ due to little Yingxing not losing his drive and hope#And Jingliu asked them why they committed such a sin. He doesn't know what to say and knows she doesn't care#'I longed to be able to accept it‚ and I do not say I have not tried'‚ from Ovid. As Hozier puts it‚ 'the choiceless hope in grief'#I'm running out of space but I adore that these three people unmade themselves because of this. I think in Dan Feng's case there's also#a longing for a making in the unmaking process‚ that breaking free from the High Elder cycle that so tormented him and robbed him#from himself. The parallels both in similarities and oppositions between Jingliu‚ Blade (or Yingxing) and Dan Feng are so good#But I've run out of space and I wanted to save my thoughts on that somewhere else anyway. The Jingliu/Blade/Jing Yuan/Yanqing ones too
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