#that being said thank you for one of the best queer shows I have ever seen

[charliewrites99]

Ludovico, I just want to talk about that ending, Ludovico I just- I just wanna talk...Ludo-Ludovic- LUDOVICO WHEN I CATCH YOU-

[kookygobbledygook]

Some people have been saying this, but I don't think it's been said enough and I'm just going to add my voice to the mix.

Nimona's nomination is being framed as an example of "Look at what Disney missed out on!" and I get it. It's a nice, tasty schadenfreude situation and we all like to see The Mouse get taken down a peg.

But I think we need to be very clear; Disney did not miss out on anything because they were never going to take that sort of risk.

Disney was never going to release anything close to the Nimona we got. It would have been sanded down until anything obviously queer or controversial was as faint and unnoticeable as possible by the casual viewer. And then they would still be too scared of any potential backlash. So they would have given the film a limited release at theatres, with no advertising, or social media or support.

Like what happened with Strange World.

You remember Strange World, right?

No?

That's because no one does.

And I believe that was deliberate, because that way Disney can go "Weeellll... obviously we would LOVEto take more risks and have more inclusive stories but that's clearly not what the public wants!"

Look at the original concepts for Wish. The evil royal couple? The peter-panesque star boy that would have made the gen zers go feral the same way millenials went feral for Jack Frost? These could have been the best things about the movie, and even they were scrapped, and replaced with something more homogenised. And those ideas are nowhere near the level of the concepts and discussions Nimona brought to the table.

Disney can barely have explicit gay people. Nimona has a gay south Asian man in a relationship with an east Asian man. As a protagonist! But more than that, you think Disney could ever come up with a relationship as complicated and difficult as Boldheart and Goldenloin's? They would never have the guts to show one love interest cutting off the other's arm in a straight relationship. Let alone a gay one! And then for them to be on opposite sides of the conflict, shifting between feelings of betrayal, and questioning each other motives? That's some adult dark shit for a kids film.

Asha as a character was forced into the quirky girl role that Disney has already flogged to death with Anna and Rapunzel. You ever think they would allow a Disney princess to be as dark and violent and nuanced as Nimona? You ever picture the titial character of a Disney film AS the third act conflict, rampaging through a city in a self destructive rage? Nimona is anti authoritarian, vengeful, bloodthirsty, a pretty explicit trans allegory, and even, by the climax, openly suicidal. You KNOW that terrified Disney.

I had a thing about the Director here too but I was shocked by how long that got so I'll have to save her for a different post.

My point is the things that make Nimona art, that make Nimona a great story, that make the film important and Oscar worthy, are all things that Disney has become too chicken shit to produce. If Disney had released a film called Nimona it wouldn't have been Nimona. I fully believe that if the film hadn't had been 90% finished it wouldn't have been shelved. It would have been lobotomised and vivisected. Everything special and vital about the movie and its message would have been removed, and no one would have known what could have been. Once again we would have gotten scraps and been thankful for them.

It makes me think about films like Wish (and others we don't know the name of, and never will) and think of what they could have been if studio's like Disney were braver and let their artists make art, instead of content.

tl;dr Disney didn't miss out on Nimona because they are incapable of making Nimona. If they had produced it the real Nimona wouldn't exist. We didn't miss out on Nimona. And that's purely by luck.

[sashaforthewin]

[on Ao3] Rated M, sex mention, Steddie

ATM Boy

The song started as a joke. Eddie wrote it to see Steve's reaction. 

It had a catchy tune and the lyrics began as a love song of sorts. Steve sat on the couch in Gareth's garage tapping his foot along to the heavy beat and smiling at Eddie as he sang. Until he got to the chorus, of course. 

"He's my ATM boy, my ATM boooooooyyyyy"

Steve rolled his eyes, assuming this was some dumb jab at his being rich. He was upper middle class, at best.

"I can tell he loves me / I can tell he's true / cause when we're in bed there's a thing that he lets me doooOOO!"

Steve was already frowning as soon as Eddie mentioned them in bed but Eddie kept singing, holding eye contact the whole time.

"He let's me go ass to mouth, ass to-"

"EDDIE! EDWARD J MUNSON, ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

The song cut off as various members of the band, Eddie most of all, lost their collective shit at Steve's reaction, laughing at his outburst.

Steve strode over to where Eddie was cackling into the mic, hands on hips, and when Eddie didn't stop, Steve just smacked the mic to the floor.

"Hey, that's expensive!"

"Then you better make sure not to sing about our sex life with the rest of your band present after you buy a replacement, huh?"

Everyone except Eddie agreed that Eddie had sort of deserved it and should replace the mic. Steve forgave him fairly quickly, though, since it was just some harmless joking among friends that would laugh it off. 

That was, until the gig. 

Corroded Coffin got booked to open for the metal band Devastator that were out of Indy. They had three times the fan base of Corroded Coffin, so probably upwards of twenty people were at the show. Sure, those people were also local musicians that were friends of the main band, but a fan is a fan, shut up.

Since the gig was at a shitty dive bar in the city, the kids couldn't come; but Robin, Jonathan, and Argyle decided to come along, as well as Murray, for some reason. Nancy had flat out said she didn't want to have to ride all that way to stand in a smoky bar and hear music she hated, so nobody tried to talk her into it.

Steve was up front in one of Eddie's home-made Corroded Coffin tee shirts. He was still wearing his light wash jeans and a pair of bright orange earplugs, though, so he didn't entirely fit in, but he wasn't as out of place as he thought he would be. There was a guy in a yellow disco suit in the crowd, after all. 

The gang were having a great time. Murray along with yellow disco suit dude were both at the center of the moshpit, slamming and being slammed, Jonathan and Argyle stood around Steve, helping block the worst of the crowd while Steve's hearing was muffled and he wasn't paying attention to anything but his boyfriend, and Robin was alternating hanging with Steve and going to hang against the wall where it was safest. 

Eddie and the boys seemed so happy and were doing great, aside from a few minor difficulties. One of Eddie's strings broke during their second song, but the guitarist from Devastator was quick to loan Eddie his own guitar for the rest of the set. 

The  rest of the Corroded Coffin set was going smoothly after the guitar swap. The crowd was really into the music, and Eddie looked like a natural up there. He introduced the band members and thanked the audience and Devastator for having them, and then announced that this next song would be their last. 

As the opening notes rang out, Eddie risked a glance at Steve and cringed. He was furious and Eddie would definitely be sleeping on the couch tonight. 

But the thing was, the song ATM Boy really was very catchy. It was daring, it was sexual, it was devious and queer, but above all, it was a bit of an earworm. The audience went nuts for it, they were screaming when the chorus hit and by the final chorus, a bunch of people were singing along. It went over better than they ever even thought it would. 

Which made it all the worse that Steve continued to stare at Eddie as if he had been betrayed in the worst possible way. He just stood there. Eddie had to force himself to concentrate on the crowd, not on Steve. As soon as the set was done, Corroded Coffin grabbed their shit and made way for Devastator while the party surrounded Steve and tried to pretend they hadn't just heard a very intimate fact about their friend, discussing the crowd energy and how good the boys had done and literally anything that wasn't the elephant in the room. Steve did not participate in the conversation at all, he was quietly seething. 

He refused to talk to or be touched by Eddie the entire rest of the night, making sure to put his arm around Robin so that only their party would know he was the so-called ATM boy. The ride home was awkward and a bit tense, but the fight was saved until they were at home, alone in Steve's house. Steve pulled off his Corroded Coffin shirt and threw it at Eddie's face before storming off up the stairs. 

"Baby, I'm sorry! Baby, come on, it was funny!"

"You asshole, you just told all our friends and Murray that I let you… that I… it was a one time thing! Do not think I am ever letting you do that again after you did this!"

"Yeah, that's fair. But baby, it's just shock value! And it's a surprisingly catchy tune, I don't know why it came out that way but it did! I swear I wrote it to make you laugh, but the guys all wanted to play it at the show. I voted not to but was overruled! Come on, please forgive me. Baby? Please? Baby?"

"Ugh... Fine, okay, fine. I forgive you for humiliating me in front of our friends. At least the kids weren't there and only about thirty people heard it. I guess. And now it's over and I won't see most of those people ever again. So, I guess, yeah, it's kinda funny."

"You know I love you and I respect you so much. I'd let you go ATM on me as an apology."

Steve just huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes, but he allowed Eddie to kiss him and wrap him in a hug. He was just glad this was the end of it.

Months went by and Steve had nearly forgotten about the whole thing. 

Until Eddie and the Coffin boys recorded their first demo. It wasn't anything professional, it was recorded in a large truckstop bathroom with decent acoustics and it was recorded with a portable cassette recorder, but it was recorded nonetheless. 

They had made a bunch of copies, sent them off to a few radio stations, and sold a bunch to indie record stores, handed them out to friends and sold them at their weekly gig. In the second week, a few new people showed up specifically to buy their tape because they had heard their friend's copy.

Eddie was so excited for the growing buzz that he wasn't thinking when he popped the tape into Steve's stereo to celebrate. He had been very careful to only play Steve Side B, never Side A, up until now. 

As soon as ATM Boy came on, Steve slammed on the brakes so hard Eddie nearly broke his face on the dashboard. When he saw Steve's expression, Eddie thought maybe breaking his face would've been preferable. 

Eddie slept on the couch for a week after that, but Steve eventually forgave him. 

Steve had nearly gone back to a completely normal life free of mortifying embarrassment, having convinced himself only subculture dwelling weirdos had heard the song.

But then a local radio station played ATM Boy. Not just once, they put it into their evening rotation. And then another station farther away picked it up. And then another. And then things spiraled from there. 

The only saving grace was that the radio had censored it. The lyrics were now "he lets me go ah- - t'mouth" though Steve suspected people probably still got the gist of it from the rest of the song. 

Corroded Coffin got signed to a record label and they recorded their first album in an actual studio. On the studio release, it was decided for the lyrics to become "he lets me go A T M" even though "to mouth" did not strictly speaking need censoring, it flowed better. 

ATM Boy, meanwhile, was starting to spread. It reached the billboard Top 100 list and started climbing. The band started touring for real, not just road trips to Indy and Chicago. They started selling out mid-sized venues and meeting other bands and forming friendships with fellow creatives. 

Eddie was finally the rock star he had dreamed of. 

And Steve was struggling to be supportive while also wishing he was invisible and unknown to anyone. He was living in constant fear of being found out. Not just because he wasn’t publicly out, but because Steve did not want to be known as the ATM boy and he felt even being seen in Eddie’s presence would damn him. 

At first he refused to tour with Eddie and the band, but after not seeing his boyfriend for months, Steve was both lonely and worried Eddie would cheat or leave him for someone else. It took Eddie a while to notice how badly Steve was handling everything but once he did, he hired Steve as his hairdresser so that he would be able to drag Steve around and have an on-the-books excuse for his constant presence. He groveled and doted on Steve and tried everything in his power to atone for the embarrassment, paranoia, and distress he had caused the man he loved.

There were many rocky years but they managed to stay together through it all. Caring for Steve and focusing on him was actually what helped Eddie avoid the pitfalls of fame that so many bands fell victim to. Who has time to do drugs when they have so many beautiful moles to kiss and a gorgeous toned back to massage?

And on a talk show, nearly forty years after the song ATM Boy was written, Eddie Munson told the audience about his wonderful husband and about the real ATM boy.

“It wasn't my husband, just some other guy I slept with.” 

Unfortunately, two minutes later in the interview he off-handedly mentioned Steve is the only guy he's ever slept with or dated.

[brimleysbears]

(Featured media: Burl Ives and Rock Hudson - from The Spiral Road, 1962)

"Fan" fiction erotica - "Hollywood Confessions: My Date With Big Daddy"

Post 4 of 4

Epilogue:

A Horny Old Bull

To conclude, I was in fact on the pill, after all, it was 1963; therefore no, I didn’t begat a cute little chubby Ives child, although sometimes I wish I had. Although that man could be a bit of a creep at times, like most men I suppose, I’ll never forget that night with Big Daddy. In fact, as much as it was embarrassing, there were other reasons why I kept that story to myself after all these years. I admit, that was the most fun I’ve ever had with a man. Sometimes I question whether I was head over heels in love with that big old brute.

As much as I wanted to see him again, I found out soon afterwards that he had actually scheduled all of those men to see him that night with the intention of not telling me, while planning on having sex with me, in order for the meetings to coincide with his coitus. I never found out exactly why he did that, and if it was his intention to use me or not. I was angry for a season and never wanted to see him again after that, but looking back, I regret not seeing him more times. I would have liked to get all of his seed in me and looked at him face to face the entire time that he had his climax. I would have liked to try other things with him, and maybe even be his mistress when he was working in Hollywood. The more I learned about what probably did happen, was that he was proud to seduce a young dancer like myself, and although I don’t like to be someone’s ‘bragging rights’, in a way I felt honored. One of the older ladies at the Manhattan cocktail party said, “sounds to me like he was just trying to get those businessmen off his back and find ways to taunt them.”

As I spoke to my girlfriends late that night, finishing my story, one of the women remarked that, perhaps that lonely old man being away from home needed a special companion, and not another ‘high-profile figure’ like himself? As we talked, one of the more educated ‘uptown’ ladies said, “if you ask me, like a lot of men in show business those days, he was desperate to try to prove that he was a heterosexual; in a similar way they constantly had to deliver proof they were not some kind of communist as well. After all, Mr. Ives worked closely with a lot of queers like Tennessee Williams and was even filmed naked along side a half-naked raging fag, Rock Hudson, just a year or so before your ‘encounter’. Although I might say there’s probably a little pink in his blanket, Big Daddy sounds like a man who was not ‘light on his feet’, in fact, quite heavy handed like your story implied, which I found to be most intriguing. I think you’ve not only made a believer out of all of us in the room, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of us are going to start chasing after men like Sebastian Cabot – you’ve certainly piqued my curiosity about a kind of man I would have not previously considered and for that, I am indeed charmed.”

But it was another lady who might have had the best explanation: “did you ever consider the fact that although Big Daddy was a bit of a sex symbol in the 50’s, that Burl Ives in the 60’s was starting to get typecast too much in children’s and family shows to the point where the public was referring to him as asexual? If I were him, I’d want to prove to my collogues that I was a fully functioning sexual person with sexual needs and abilities. After a while, no matter what he said, chances are, his peers didn’t believe him until he found a way to show proof that he had a thriving sex life.” Maybe they were all correct. Maybe he was just another creep. Maybe he was someone really special. I do cherish those memories, and I still keep his private calling card with me in my purse all these years.

The End.

Copyright 2024 BrimleysBears

Feel free to share posts, however please copy only with permission, thanks, BB

Part 1

https://www.tumblr.com/brimleysbears/743973229412106240/featured-media-burl-ives-from-the-spiral-road?source=share

Part 2

https://www.tumblr.com/brimleysbears/743962348439666688/featured-media-burl-ives-from-the-spiral-road?source=share

Part 3

https://www.tumblr.com/brimleysbears/743868840199536640/featured-media-burl-ives-from-the-spiral-road?source=share

Part 4

https://www.tumblr.com/brimleysbears/743867190420307968/featured-media-burl-ives-from-the-spiral-road?source=share

[myspacebrat]

wanna try something?

Eddie Munson x fem!reader

summary: you and Eddie have been dating for a few months on top of a year long fwb situation, and an even longer friendship. You’ve tried almost everything together, that is until you stumble upon the x rated section in family video and are instantly drawn to a tape of something you never thought you’d be into.

warnings: smut ahead, 18+ mdni, queer!eddie, mentions of steddie, small mention of internalized homophobia, no use of y/n, use of pet names: baby, princess, sweet girl etc.), oral (m receiving), anal play (m receiving).

notes: I have been wanting to write a fic about Eddie’s bussy forever so… when I got the urge I had to do it. Also, the pictures have almost nothing to do with this fic, aside from the vhs’s, believe it or not finding an aesthetic for eating ass is very difficult. Also also, thank you to my love @take-everything-you-can for beta reading <333

wc: 3.2k

The sound of lips smacking is all that can be heard in the empty air of Eddie’s trailer, the shitty horror movie playing in the background quickly forgotten and the booming sound coming from the speakers are quickly becoming white noise as you moan and pant into each other's mouths.

This was usually how it went; you’d both agree to have a “movie night” just to totally forget about said movie and go straight to attacking each other's lips while hands and mouths explore different body parts.

You’d both been together for 3 months now after a year of being friends with benefits and before that just childhood best friends.

It felt nice to have sex with someone you knew would never judge you or make you do things you didn’t want to, Eddie was so selfless not only in the bedroom but all the time, it’s one of the many things you adored about him.

The sex was mind blowing between you two, like you were made for each other. The first night you lost your virginity to Eddie he had looked over at you while trying to catch his breath to say “why haven’t we always been doing this?”

The truth is, you had more than friendly feelings for Eddie for years, but for most of his teens he was grappling with his sexuality, you were the only one he opened up to about it. He wasn’t sure if he was straight at all or even liked girls. He kept this a secret but the only crush Eddie had seemed to have on any girl was you, and since he felt like he couldn’t have you, he didn’t want any other. So, he decided to explore that other side of him.

But once you started to show interest in him. The longing stares, the way your eyes would flicker to his lips and the way you’d say his name, was all he needed to know you felt the same way.

So after a long night filled with sexual tension, Eddie made his move and kissed you, he took your virginity that night and it was the most mind blowing sex he’d ever had. He decided at that moment that sex is better with someone you love.

You’d both played stubborn for a year, never wanting to fully let your feelings be known, so you decided a friends with benefits situation would be best.

That was until Eddie couldn’t hold back his feelings any longer, he needed you to know he was madly in love with you and didn’t want anyone else, ever.

So now after a year of the dirtiest, raunchiest, roughest sex, there was pretty much nothing you both hadn’t done together, you were open minded to anything Eddie wanted to try with you: choking, hair pulling, some face smacking and him cuffing you to his bed, are just a few.

There really wasn’t anything Eddie could come to you with that you’d shoot down, giving him another reason to be head over heels about you.

But, you still felt like there were things you could improve on or maybe new things to be learned, so after one of your many solo trips to family video, you decided to check out the X rated section.

You looked both ways before quickly swinging the red velvet curtain open and quickly shutting it behind you, as if you were on some top secret mission.

Your fingertips glided along the numerous dirty videos, looking for anything that caught your eye.

You stopped abruptly, your fingertip halting on a tape that made your eyes widen and your thighs clench.

The title of the video made you scoff, ‘along comes likki’ with a very dirty picture of a man bent over and a girl's face shoved in his ass.

You and Eddie had never done ass stuff before and the thought of having him under your complete control, if even for a minute was making your panties dampen.

You wanted to give Eddie the same blissed out face the man on the cover had.

So you discreetly put your goonies tape over it and shoved them both under your arm.

You walk up to the register and it’s just your luck that Robin had taken her break and Steve was the one that would be ringing you up. You had known all about his and Eddie’s relationship, if you could even call it that. They had fucked and then after Steve had pushed Eddie away and told him that it would never happen again and that he wasn’t gay, even though Eddie had opened up to him and explained that he knew he liked men and women, told Steve it was called bisexuality and Steve seemed very interested in the prospect only to after push Eddie away and basically call him gay, totally negating everything they had opened up to each other about. It had definitely hurt him and you were there to pick up the pieces.

But you couldn’t be mad at Steve, you knew he was in a battle with his inner self, that he would hopefully one day come to terms with.

“You ready to check out?” The honey eyed boy says from behind the counter, totally knocking you out of your inner thoughts. Those same thoughts that made you forget what tape you had underneath your arm.

“Mhmm” is all you say as you grab the two tapes and slowly place them on the counter.

Your face grows hot with realization and now you wish the ground would swallow you up whole.

“You find everything good?” Steve says, trying to make conversation as he rings up the goonies, he sets it aside and before he goes to pick up the next video, he freezes and looks back up at you.

“Yeah, I did.” The words come out fast and jumbled as your eyes plead with him to just hurry up.

But of course to your dismay, Steve’s lips curl into a knowing smirk. He grabs the video and rings it up, “yeah, looks like it.” He says while holding the video up and shaking it as his eyebrows shoot up under his perfectly coiffed hair.

Nothing would or could ever embarrass you as much as this interaction.

Steve licks his lips and leans against the counter, “don’t worry honey, your secret is safe with me.” He says with a wink. You wanted to tell him “so is yours.” But you could never do that.

Especially not with the way you were nervously chewing at your lip.

Finally after paying, Steve handed you your bag but not before letting his fingers linger over yours for far too long.

“You have a great day, beautiful.” He says with the most lust filled eyes.

You weren’t sure if you were aroused or annoyed, maybe both? But he knew you and Eddie were together, so it was pretty uncool of him to flirt with you.

Then again, it’s Steve, doesn’t he flirt with everyone? It’s like his second language.

Once you make it into your bedroom, you lock your door and pop the video into your vhs player, grab the remote on your night stand and sit on the end of your bed, no one is home but you turn the volume down almost all the way, just in case.

The video starts out with some shitty plot and bad acting, so you fast forward until you find what you're looking for. Finally, you click the play button when you see a man sitting on the couch and a woman on her knees between his spread legs, he has his cock out and he’s hitting it against the woman’s tongue before she takes it in her mouth, she proceeds to choke, lick and suck on it. Eddie had always seemed to enjoy your blowjobs, but Jesus they were nothing like this.

She was using her hand to twist and suck, and spit was constantly falling from her mouth from deepthroating, it was too hot for you not to slip your fingers into your shorts and make yourself cum.

The woman lowered herself while the man spread his legs even wider, she sucked on his balls before licking lower and finally lapping up at his puckered hole, it immediately sent you over the edge.

The whole thing was so dirty and hot, you knew you had to try it on Eddie.

So that leads you to your forgotten movie, playing in the background while you straddle your boyfriend's lap. His hands grip at your waist and you can’t help but to rub your clothed core over the stiffness of his hard on, under the material of his rough jeans.

“Fuck, baby.” Eddie breathes out into the expanse of your neck as he sucks and kisses the tender area, after a particularly hard roll of your hips.

“I want you to strip for me, and then I wanna taste you.” He whispers into the shell of your ear, before taking your earlobe into his mouth and sucking.

“Actually Ed’s, wanna try something?” You boldly say as you bat your lashes down at the metalhead.

“Oh yeah? Well lay it on me princess.” He replies, sinking further into the cushions as he playfully taps his chest.

“Um, well…” you trail off, all the confidence seemingly evaporating from your body.

“C’mon sweet girl, you know you can tell me anything.” He softly says as he runs his ringed fingers over your cheek bone.

You decide it would be easier to show him what you want, so you mirror the position from the porno, getting on your knees and in between his spread legs.

“Mmm, you wanna suck my cock, is that it?” He smirks, while looking down at your glossy, lust filled eyes.

You don’t answer, instead you bring your shaky hands to undo his handcuff belt, but he instantly notices and takes your hands in his, he brings his chin down to his chest, trying to catch your eye.

“Baby, talk to me.” He says with concern as he pulls you from your knees to sit in his lap, his arms wrap around your waist as he kisses the top of your head.

“I um,” you start, not knowing how to put what you want into words but deciding to be truthful about it.

“Well okay, here’s the truth..” you take a deep breath before continuing “I stopped by family video the other day, and I was curious so I went to the adult section and I found a tape, I decided to rent it and well… it was really hot and I wanna try it on you.” You say while hiding your face in his chest.

His eyebrows shoot up under his bangs in intrigue.

“Well now you gotta tell me, baby.” He says before gently grabbing your chin with his fingers and finally looking into your eyes.

You swallow hard before you finally come out with it, “I wanna eat your ass.” You hate the way it sounds coming out of your mouth, which is exactly why you took so long to finally say it.

Eddie’s eyes widen, he’s in shock that you would even suggest it, he’s no stranger to it, but it just doesn’t seem like something chicks would be into.

All of his sexual encounters before you had been with men, but he’s always been a top, in other words he’s eaten plenty of ass but never had it given in return. Never had his ass played with at all.

But he would let you do whatever you wanted to him, without a doubt and hearing that something like that turns you on is making his cock painfully hard in his tight jeans.

“Fuck, you wanna give me a rim job, princess?” He breathily says, as if all the wind had been knocked out of him.

“Mmhm.” You say through your bitten lip.

“Get back on your knees for me, angel.” He says while patting the exposed flesh of your thigh.

You do as you’re told, shifting around to find a comfortable enough position.

“Good girl.” Eddie smiles down at you with his lust blown eyes, his dimples on full display as his smile causes light creases in his skin.

Eddie helps you remove his belt and jeans, pulling his jeans and checkered boxers down in one swoop and playfully kicking them off his feet, making you giggle before grabbing and pulling them off the rest of the way.

You move in closer, your hands rub up and down Eddie’s thighs as your eyes rake over his body, he looks so good, his bangs slightly sticking to his forehead from the growing heat in the trailer.

He’s looking down at you with so much love and lust, it makes your head spin.

You try your best to remember everything the woman was doing on the tape.

So you wrap your hand around Eddie’s hard, throbbing cock and stick your tongue out, giving it a few slaps against the pink wet muscle.

“Oh, fuck.” Whimpers Eddie before he’s tearing his shirt off over his head, and tossing it somewhere behind you.

You take his tip in your mouth and begin sucking, taking him in deeper until he reaches the back of your throat, you close your eyes and breath through your nose willing yourself not to choke on it. You bob your head fucking your own mouth on his cock, allowing for that build up of spit to pool in your mouth.

You pull off of him with a pop before spitting on his tip, you curl your fingers back around him and begin spreading your saliva around the reddened head, all the way down to where the shaft meets his balls, the quick movements create a slick sound that squelches out into the muggy room.

“Jesus Christ baby, you weren’t fucking around were you?” He chuckles as he lightly squirms in his seat, it feels too fucking good and he’s trying his hardest not already blow his load.

You giggle and smile up at him from your place on your knees, that picture alone of you with your cute fucking giggle and beautiful smile along with your spit soaked lips and chin were so close to doing him in.

You wink at him before you move down to his balls and begin light licks and sucks at the tender skin.

“Oh my god, fuck yes.” He’s a babbling, whimpering mess and you have never felt so fucking powerful.

Finally after you worship his balls with a few more gentle sucks, you take his thighs and spread them out more, almost lifting them up into the air, making Eddie fall back further into the couch as his eyes widen at your manhandling.

He scoots down, his ass almost halfway off the couch as he brings his knees in towards his stomach, giving you the perfect view of his tight pink hole.

You continue to stroke him, his cock still slippery from all of your spit.

“You ready?” You quietly ask, Eddie nods his head as he bites down on his lip.

You wanted to tease him like he does you and give him the “use your words” bullshit, but you’re just as eager as he is, so you take that as his final answer.

Your tongue lightly brushes against his hole, making him slightly jump in surprise. You put more pressure on your tongue, getting more into it as you go. You imagine this is what eating a girl's pussy would be like, which is something you’d always wanted to try.

“Holy fuck!” Eddie gasps from above you, “oh fuck, th-that feels so good, baby.” He’s been reduced to a complete puddle, his cock is leaking so much precum, you wanted to just lick it all up. You get an idea and bring your tongue to his tip, licking his mess but you don’t swallow, instead you let it sit in your mouth before bringing the precum to his asshole, using it as lubrication to gently slip your tongue into his tight muscle.

Eddie looks down at you in utter shock, he’s never been so turned on and ready to burst in his life.

“Baby, baby, holy- you gotta stop or I’m gonna cum.” He whines, as his head falls back at the overwhelming pleasure of it all.

You slip your tongue out, a mischievous glint in your eyes has Eddie’s breath hitches in his throat.

“Can I finger you while I suck your cock, Ed?” You implore with a pout of your vibrant colored lips.

“Oh my god.” Eddie rubs at his face in astonishment, were you trying to kill him?

“Is that a yes?” You timidly ask, not sure if his reaction was good or bad.

Eddie lifts his head up again, meeting your eyes with a smile.

“You’re a little fucking minx, you know that?” He sighs before finally answering your question—

“Yes, you can do whatever you want to me, sweet girl.” He slams his head back into the cushions, bracing himself for the intrusion.

You spit on your finger tips and rub it into his hole, before doing it again, making sure to get it nice and wet. You had a friend who told you she tried to do anal dry, and it hurt like hell. So you know you have to get it nice and prepped with your spit before you finally proceed.

You rub more of your spit around before taking your middle finger and ever so slowly entering Eddie’s asshole.

His hands instantly grab for the fabric of the cushions, hanging on for dear life because the way you were making him feel, was beyond his comprehension.

He thought for sure if he’d let go, he’d float away.

You slip your finger in to the knuckle, while Eddie continues his incoherent babbling.

You begin slowly moving in and out while simultaneously taking Eddie’s cock in your mouth, his whole body stiffens as he lets out a guttural groan.

You let him hit the back of your throat over and over while speeding up your finger. The noises from his wet asshole to the sounds of you sucking him off and his beautiful, pleasure filled moans has your clit throbbing and begging for friction.

“Mmm, baby, Im- holy fuck I’m gonna cum, gonna cum in your fucking mouth!” He shouts as his eyes roll back in his head.

He looks down at you one last time, before he begins shooting rope after rope of warm cum into your mouth. You make a show of swallowing and licking the rest of his cock clean, you slowly remove your finger from his hole and bring it up to your lips, sucking it, just like he does when he fingers you.

Eddie’s sat up on the palms of his hands as he watches the display, he instantly growls in satisfaction and pulls you by the loops of your jeans shorts onto his lap, he grabs your face and smashes his lips to yours, a sloppy spit filled kiss.

Eddie moans at the taste of himself on you.

He was in heaven and you were a fucking angel.

[memory-and-sky]

hobie x male reader """""""""dating"""""""" hcs?

okay this is something i can work on and get done relatively quickly. THANK YOU FOR THIS ANON! to everyone who’s sent in asks for fics, they are being worked on, i swear🙏 hope you like this though!

word count: i dunno, it’s a good chunk of headcanons

containing: explicit mention of homophobia, brief description of injury via fighting, small small small sexual reference, hobie brown x m!reader, could be cis or trans but i wrote this with cis males in mind

the rest of the headcanons are under the cut!

“dating” headcanons

hobie brown x male!reader

since Hobie lives in the 70s in Britain, gay rights weren’t really…. y’know, the best.

for your safety and his, the most he’d do in public is holding your hand. and even that was a big sign of rebellion. holding hands with a person of the same sex? how scandalous!

anyway, while holding your hand, he’d love to put both your hands in his pocket, especially if you run cold (like me :P).

he’d totally be the type to rub his thumb slowly on your palm, too.

Hobie knows a lot of people, especially in the queer and punk scenes. he gets invited to a lot of house parties, and feels safer to put your relationship on display more then, but he’s definitely not over the top with it.

a simple arm over the shoulder, around your waist, or a hand in the back pocket of your jeans, though he doesn’t need PDA to show your relationship off.

“Have ya seen this new patch on the ol’ battle jacket? Or this pin? Yeah, my lovely boyfriend made ‘em fo’ me. Gorgeous, innit?” [speaking to a random friend]

“Have ya had the pleasure of meetin’ my boyfriend yet?”

“I thought you said you hated labels…?”

“Mmh, (y/n)’s influential like tha’. Clearly ya haven’t met ‘em.” He’d say, undoubtedly with a smirk plastered on his face.

i really don’t think Hobie would get particularly jealous over you.

of course he loves you with all his little gay heart, but he doesn’t feel insecure or get upset at you or anything if you talk (or flirt) with another guy (as long as you communicate). if anyone is flirting with you and you seem really disinterested, he’ll totally intervene.

maybe hold you in a way that makes it clear you’re together, or explicitly tell the dude that you’re not interested.

but he doesn’t like treating you like an object he ‘owns’ at all, it’s why he’s pretty hesitant to slap the ‘boyfriend’ label down on your relationship right away.

and the 70s were a sexual revolution! revolting against gender norms and relationship norms, stuff like that.

if anybody ever dared ask you two ‘so who’s the man and the woman in the relationship?’ or ‘who’s the top and who’s the bottom?’ Hobie would be dreadfully disgusted and educate them immediately.

speaking of sexual revolution and whatnot, Hobie would be down for polyamory if you were.

you two have a very good line of communication, and if you wanted to open your relationship and communicated that to him, he’d be fine with it.

you’re so great, he gets how other guys might fall in love with you, too.

Hobie would give the best gifts, try and change my mind. whether it’s for your anniversary, birthday, or just a random gift, they’re always handmade.

maybe he’ll make you a piece of clothing like a shirt, hand-pick a bouquet for you, or even customizing/fixing one of your old clothing pieces with a bit of added Hobie flair.

Even small things, like a charm, pin, or patch have so much love put into them because he loves you!

touching on my first point again, homophobia was very present outside of the queer/punk scene, even in some aspects of the punk community he didn’t feel welcome at all.

usually, he’d tell people where to shove their opinion, but sometimes he’d feel completely unsafe to be himself around anyone.

yeah, he’s spider-man, but he’s also a very young adult. he could fight people, and he definitely used to, but he hated coming home to you being worried sick about all the horrible bruises, cuts, and scrapes on him.

back to the lighthearted stuff, he’s definitely the type of guy to cook for you.

doesn’t matter what meal it is, he’s gonna make it for you if he has the chance to. and he actually makes good food, despite living in Britain his whole life.

if you’ve got issues with trying new foods, his place will always be stocked full with your safe foods no matter what.

you’ll eat together, and he’ll gaze dreamily at you, wondering how he ever got so lucky to land such a stellar guy like you.

this man loves coming home after a long day, popping in a VCR for a movie of some sort (TV could be in your bedroom or living room, doesn’t matter), and just cuddling with you.

he doesn’t mind being either the big spoon or little spoon, but tends to like being big spoon cause he likes holding you close to him so much.

he’s very scrawny, but doesn’t mean he won’t love you all the same, and hold you tight.

one more thing, Hobie loves you above all else. he’ll protect you and fight for you anytime you need. when it comes to his partners, he does not play around!!

[rainbowsky]

Hi rainbowsky! I'm a new-ish (autumn 2023) Yizhan fan - it's been so much fun to explore and read everything available, your blog included! I really enjoy your opinions and insights. I have a question and a request. Question: When CQL first started airing, what were people saying about the relationship between WWX and LZ in the show, and about the actors playing them? Did the CP start right away? Request: Then later on, when the BTS started appearing (when was that - after the show finished airing, right?), what were people saying about the real interactions between the two actors? Were people shocked? Amazed? Even more curious? I can imagine social media was on fire! But I'd like to hear from someone who "lived" through it in real time. Please give me a description of what it was like - especially what your thoughts and feeling were as you saw it happening. I wish I could have been there! Thank you!

Hi Blbrave! Thanks so much, I'm glad you're enjoying my blog!

This is all a very, very long time ago, but I'll do my best to share what I can remember.

Actually, the CP started before the show began airing. The supertopics were opened during filming in 2018. I think this was inevitable, given that the series is based on a BL story. Of course fans of the novel will go into all of this with an eye toward the two characters and, by extension, GG and DD.

Similarly, as the show was airing of course there were a large number of viewers who knew it was a BL and viewed it as a BL at that time, even though it was being billed as a martial brotherhood series. There was a lot of analysis from fans trying to spot various ways that the production team managed to get around censorship and signal the queer romance between WWX and LWJ.

Others have done far better, more comprehensive analysis of all that than I could ever do, but it's so long ago I don't know where those posts might have gone. Some of this was discussed in my post about queerbaiting, so you can look there for more info.

As I said in that post, one of their smartest ways of highlighting the queer relationship was to downplay romance between the straight characters. We never see a straight couple doing something that we don’t also see LWJ and WWX doing. Yanli's wedding happens off camera, yet we see LWJ and WWX do their bows on camera. There’s never a kiss or any kind of PDA between straight characters, yet we see LWJ and WWX in each other’s arms throughout the series.

We got a gay kiss:

We got gay sex:

There was also the headband repeatedly being described as the domain of only family and spouses, and the various ways they connected it with WWX. WWX grabbing it when he was possessing the paperman, and also at one point being tied to LWJ by the wrist with the headband - all of this signalling that WWX was a spousal figure for LWJ.

There was the drunk scene with LWJ giving WWX chickens (a wedding tradition in China).

And many more examples I won't get into.

There were many of those types of things in the series, and they were discussed enthusiastically at the time. However, I don't think there were many bystanders who made those connections. It was primarily fans of the books/show (i.e. those who appreciated it as a BL story and not as a bromance/friendship story) who saw and discussed those hints.

I know the idea that anyone could be so oblivious to the gay subtext throughout the story that they miss the queerness entirely is hard to get one's head around, but straight viewers usually just see WWX and LWJ as best friends and sworn martial brothers. The show could never have been made or aired if that wasn't the case.

In fact, newer fans might not be aware that there was a lot of controversy during filming because of leaked early attempts to create a straight romance between Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing. Some relationship-building scenes between them were filmed, and at one point in the BTS GG is heard complaining about the straight romance and saying that all those scenes should be deleted.

In the production team's defense, there was doubt at the time about whether the show could air given its source material as a BL novel. They likely had investors and backers pressuring them to make sure that the story was unambiguously straight.

Fans of the novel made a massive uproar about it, threatening to boycott the series. The backlash was so extreme that it became a bigger threat to the success of the show, and the straight romance was killed. We all owe a lot to those agitators! 😅

The BTS

The BTS clips were first discussed in an Untamed press conference (that section of the interview starts at around 36:30). The producer said that in the future some of the behind-the-scenes moments would be shared. GG and DD exchanged a glance and looked extremely uncomfortable with it.

A lot of turtles find that clip funny, and laugh about what GG and DD might 'have to hide', but I have never understood how fans can find GG and DD's discomfort funny.

It might surprise some newer turtles to hear that there were moments where GG and DD appeared to be uncomfortable with the BTS, but there were.

Another moment happened in an interview where GG and DD were asked to explain a BTS scene of the two of them in the boat, where GG is lying in DD's lap. DD turns to the interviewer with a shocked and displeased look on his face and says, "They released this?"

There were other moments as well, but I haven't kept a comprehensive record of all that. This happened long before I clued in on how quickly clips can disappear in this fandom.

I believe that it is totally normal to have mixed feelings about the BTS, and I believe GG and DD are no exception to that. No doubt they enjoy some of the clips and feel uncomfortable about some of them, just like many turtles (myself included).

There were official BTS clips released during promo, but the unofficial BTS clips didn't come until later. I talked in more detail about the unofficial BTS and how they came to be released here.

The unofficial clips began being released by fansites in the fall of 2020. It would be hard to overstate how different the atmosphere around them was to what it is now. Now it's quite common to find BTS clips all over the place, both in C-social media and on international sites like YouTube and Instagram.

However, back in 2020 they were extremely hard to get ahold of, and sharing them outside of where they were initially released was strictly forbidden and frowned upon by fans. In fact, if you dig back through my 2020 posts I'm sure you'll find many posts where I admonish people not to share the BTS clips, and where I bitch about people sharing them without authorization. I also answered a lot of asks about these issues at the time (just one example).

Times have changed a lot, and now everyone is sharing them all very freely without any concerns.

The situation was a lot different back then:

GG and DD had gained a tremendous amount of popularity from the show, but their reputations and careers were not yet fully established and secure.

227 was still an active concern that was still making news and still impacting GG's life directly. He had not yet recovered from any of it and was still mostly lying low. He was constantly being attacked and antis were constantly out to get him.

The Untamed was still fresh and current, and being discussed regularly in the media. Because filming was still fairly recent, what happened during filming would still run the risk of impacting GG and DD's lives and careers.

Fans were coming under very close scrutiny because of 227 and other fandom-related scandals. The government was starting to crack down heavily on fandom culture.

This was all uncharted territory. No one knew how the BTS might be received, or how it might impact GG and DD. Fans were very freaked out about the possibility of anything compromising getting leaked and harming the boys.

No doubt fansites were also worried about how fans might respond to some of the releases, and wanted to ensure they didn't upset or anger fans, or stir up more excitement than could be safely contained within the fandom.

All of this contributed to a climate of extreme caution and secrecy around the release of BTS clips.

We never knew when one might be released, and when they were released they were typically only put online for a few minutes, then deleted. This was all done in an effort to limit the exposure of these clips primarily to turtles who have GGDD's best interests in mind.

The clips were heavily watermarked and overlaid with visual and audio curses that 'reuploaders must die!' ('banyun biss', which I'm sure most of you have encountered in some of the clips you've seen).

Early clips were heavily watermarked.

Those who missed out were out of luck. It was extremely socially unacceptable to re-share clips once they'd been deleted. Those who missed out would have to rely on recaps and transcripts from those who had seen the clips. Fans took to staying up all hours watching and waiting for a release.

Back in those days people tried to save every clip they could, hoarding them greedily. Turtles' phones were filling up with large video files. It's funny to think about now, because the clips are everywhere and so easy to find these days, but back then it was a whole Thing.

The initial releases were sporadic and quite tame as fansites dipped their toes in the water of how all this would be received. Gradually over time clips became more frequent and stayed up longer, and some of the more salacious stuff began being released. Those clips were often accompanied by hilarious intro images.

(For those who don't get it, it's the PornHub logo).

Of course all of the clips were heavily discussed as they came out, and a clearer picture of GG and DD's relationship and of their experience of filming began to take shape over time. Some of the fake rumors (such as the 49 fake candies and the CPN that GG designed a racing suit for DD) were gradually proved to be true as these clips were released. However, that was mostly confined to fandom circles.

There were occasionally times when these clips or their content would cross over into the mainstream and start trending on Weibo. In many of those cases, the hotsearches would be bought and pushed by antis of GG and DD who want to see them cancelled. At those times turtles would jump into action to wash those topics and replace them with mundane, unrelated content.

There were fan theories and fake rumors about GG and DD's reaction to the clips. Sometimes when new clips were released GG and DD would be seen online and turtles assumed they were watching them. Of course, considering the clips featured them, it's highly likely that they did eagerly await releases just like the rest of us.

I suspect that it was likely a mixed bag for them. Some clips might have really stressed them out either upon initial release or after reactions began to emerge, while others likely made them laugh and feel nostalgic about filming.

A large percentage of BXG light banners and slogans came directly out of the BTS, some of which you can see GG and DD discussing in LRLG rumors.

Dumplings, rice noodles, 3+2 biscuits (cr @knivescharade in this post), discussed in this LRLG rumor.

There were definitely a few scandals and close calls that came out of the unofficial BTS, and solos and antis frequently tried to use them against GG and DD and tried to spin negative narratives about their relationship using disingenuous takes and edits of them (they still do to this day).

For example, the clip where GG tells DD that he prefers a natural look to idol makeup was used against GG at the time, and antis tried to make it seem like GG was homophobic and that GG was against men wearing makeup. Some of the clips where they were playfighting or bickering were used to try to create a narrative that they hated each other. That kind of thing.

BTS and fan service

One of the most common questions I've gotten about the BTS - and I still often get this question - is, "Aren't the BTS just acted out/scripted as fan service to promote the show?"

There are a few reasons people have this question in their minds.

Solos #1 narrative about GGDD is that their CP was just for the show and the BTS was all fan service, and nothing about their relationship is real. They push this claim very aggressively on social media anytime GGDD or The Untamed is discussed, and new fans will almost always encounter those claims in this way.

CP fan service is a normal part of how dramas are promoted, so people familiar with Asian dramas will often immediately jump to that assumption about GG and DD and about the BTS.

Heteronormativity leads many people to immediately dismiss the possibility of a gay relationship, which leads them to try to come up with other explanations for those clips.

People naturally have a hard time believing what they're seeing with some of those clips. Some of it is pretty jaw-dropping and it's understandable that some people will be skeptical.

However, there are a lot of really good reasons why these clips are obviously not fan service.

For one thing, the show was billed as a martial brotherhood, not as a romance. Some of the official BTS clearly did try to appeal to CP and MDZS fans and could be counted as fan service, but those weren't even the ones BXG are most excited about. (There is a playlist of some of the official BTS clips here).

The most exciting stuff was never released during promo, and almost none of it is overtly romantic. A lot of it is really crude and totally unreleasable as promo. GG and DD are lewd, crude and often rude in ways that only two people who are really close could ever get away with. In many cases it's the casual way GG and DD constantly cross polite social boundaries with each other that shows their intimacy, rather than anything overtly sweet or romantic.

A lot of it is also totally incomprehensible to regular audiences. You have to be a turtle digging deeply into GGDD to understand the significance of most of it. For example the way GG took care of DD on his birthday, or the way DD constantly bargained and haggled with GG to get him to eat more.

Most importantly, if it was all fan service then why did GG and DD never do any joint CP endorsements? The entire point of doing that type of fan service is to make a buck. Other drama CP - including BL - do this all the time.

And it doesn't make sense that a production that was as low budget as The Untamed could afford to have the two lead actors learn a whole second set of lines and do a whole second performance that never ended up getting released.

And of course, none of that explains why the bulk of the BTS clips ended up in the hands of fans and released years after the show finished airing. A lot of it still has never been released to this day.

I've often joked that if the BTS were scripted they were far more complex, more melodramatic and better written than the drama itself. You just can't come up with this stuff in a writer's room. 😅

Anyway, this post got a bit long but hopefully it gives you a bit more of a picture of what it was all like at the time. Sorry, I guess I didn't talk much about my own feelings/reactions, but hopefully you can get somewhat of a sense.

Overall it was exciting, but I also had some deep reservations about it all (and got a lot of hate mail for voicing those feelings, too). Keep in mind this wasn't long after 227, so I think it's understandable that I was feeling very wary about everything.

But that's all water under the bridge now. It's been many years, and if the BTS were going to harm GGDD it would have already happened. I think it's all pretty safe territory now.

Edit: some more of my thoughts and feelings at the time:

One of the most exciting things for me about the BTS clips was seeing so many of the fake rumors being proved true. There were a lot of rumors (including the 49 fake candies) that I totally scoffed at when I first heard about them, only to later find via the BTS clips that I had been totally wrong about them and that these things had actually happened, and even crazier things were gradually revealed.

Things were changing pretty rapidly for a while there now that I think about it.

Learning more about their relationship and seeing just how much they looked out for each other was another big one for me. Also the timeline. The BTS really reinforced my belief in The Devil's Timeline (the belief that they got together prior to filming).

But overall that was a very different time in the fandom as well. There were always so many candies coming out, not just BTS clips but things that came out of GG and DD's activities and social media posts. It was a really really busy time in the fandom.

Since then there has been a government crackdown on fandom culture, on the entertainment industry, on LGBTQ etc. in China, plus DD's split with Nike and him having to delete a lot of his GG candy posts from his Weibo account.

Things are so different now, and unfortunately a lot of it for the worse. Being a turtle is not always easy, and I'm sure being GG and DD can't always be easy either. We make it work, but I do sometimes look back wistfully on the freer, more exciting times in the fandom.

More such times could come in the future. We just have to keep moving forward and hope for the best.

Somewhat related: I did a semi-comprehensive post about GG and DD's reaction to turtles here.

[steddieas-shegoes]

Eddie likes painting his nails. He paints them any color he can, but usually ends up with black for shows since that’s his whole aesthetic.

Steve wants to try it. He likes the way El and Max and Eddie and Robin take turns picking colors for each other, how much fun they have painting each others’ nails, how relaxed they all seem.

But he knows that’s not what “strong men” do.

A strong man doesn’t walk around with pink nails, even if it does bring out the color of his eyes.

A strong man doesn’t let a teenage girl paint his nails purple because it makes his skin look a little more tanned in the winter.

And he’s let go of a lot of those ridiculous stereotypes his dad shoved through his head from the time he could understand words, but this is one thing he can’t let himself enjoy.

It’s stupid. But he can’t. So he watches from the couch as they gather on the floor once every two weeks to freshen up their colors, doing his best to hide his jealousy and sadness.

But he must fail because Eddie asks him to join them one night after the girls have already gotten their picks in for Eddie’s next color.

“Wanna paint them for me, Stevie?”

Steve searched his brain for any reason not to paint someone else’s and finally settled on allowing himself this one thing. If he couldn’t have pretty nails, he could give them to Eddie.

He nodded and sat cross legged in front of Eddie, waiting for further instruction.

“Doesn’t have to be perfect, okay? You’ll probably get a little on the skin around the nail and that’s okay too, it’ll come off.”

Steve nodded again.

The nerves were catching up to him now that he was holding the brush in between his fingers, leaning over where Eddie had placed his hand on Steve’s lap.

The girls were distracted, but Eddie noticed his pause.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Just looked like you wanted to.”

Eddie’s soft tone made Steve relax. He could do this.

So he started.

It was pretty easy on Eddie’s hand, his nails being big enough that he could mostly avoid getting any on the skin. He knew it’d be harder on the girls with their dainty hands or himself if he dared ever try.

Eddie was humming something while Steve worked diligently.

“This is a nice shade of blue. Did you pick it or did the girls?”

Eddie stopped humming and smiled. “I did. I could do yours next if you want.”

God, did he want.

But he shook his head.

“I can’t. Thanks though.”

Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What do you mean you can’t? Why can’t you?”

Steve shrugged.

“Well it’s just that like. Men can’t really paint their nails.”

Steve was so focused on finishing up he didn’t notice that Eddie was going through every emotion a person could.

Finally, he looked up with a smile that quickly fell when he saw the angry look on Eddie’s face.

“Am I not a man?”

“What? Of course you are.”

“So you would still be a man with painted nails, then.”

“It’s just different for me.”

“Different how?”

“Like, a real man who wants to be a provider or whatever can’t exactly walk around with his nails painted fun colors, ya know?”

“I guess I don’t know.”

Steve was feeling a bit overwhelmed at trying to explain the words his father had always said to him growing up. How any time Steve seemed too focused on his appearance, he reminded him not to cross the line into “what those queers do” as if maintaining self-image was at all based on a person’s preference in men or women. How when Steve said he liked Madonna, his dad told him she was an artist for girls and women who haven’t found a husband yet and to try listening to some classic rock.

“It’s just that you’re you. You’re confident and you can pull it off. Like it goes with your whole…thing. It doesn’t really work for me. Even if I wanted to.”

“Do you want to?”

Steve could’ve lied. He could’ve just said that he’d only thought about it out of curiosity, not that he actually thought about what color might look best on him or how he could maybe learn how to do designs.

Instead, he checked that the girls were still wrapped up in conversation before turning back to Eddie and responding.

“Yeah, I want to.”

Eddie gave him a smile that could only be described as proud.

“You wanna match?”

Steve felt his hands start shaking. He nodded despite the nerves.

“Alright. Give me your hands, sweetheart.”

Jesus. Eddie gave pet names to everyone, but he’d never called him anything but Stevie. That hit hard.

He placed both his hands on Eddie’s thighs, focused on watching him paint them the same blue as what was on his own hands.

It was over much faster than Steve wanted it to be, his brain finally quiet after months, no, years, of constantly fighting his own thoughts with worse ones.

He didn’t even notice Eddie was picking up his hands to blow cool air on his nails until he felt the breath against his fingers.

He couldn’t hide the shiver that wracked his body.

He looked up at Eddie, who was smiling softly at him between bursts of air.

Finally, he held Steve’s hands up between them.

“This is a good color for you. You like it?”

“Mhm. It’s pretty.” He gulped. “I feel pretty.”

He hadn’t really meant to say it aloud, but now that he had, he felt nothing but relief.

“Yeah, sweetheart. You are pretty.”

The girls chose that moment to crawl over to where they sat, exclaiming about their nails and how cute it was that they matched.

Steve agreed.

And he made sure to match every time Eddie painted his nails just so he could hear him say “You’re so pretty, sweetheart.”

[absolutebl]

Hi ABL! I was wondering if you have recs for bl couples where a younger seme/top aggressively pursues an older, initially-unwilling uke/bottom?

I realized this trope was my absolute JAM when I fell hard and fast for Wei Zhiyuan x Wei Qian, Sun Boxiang x Lu Zhigang, and Yongjie x Xingsi. Bonus points for age gap, stepbrothers trope or the older uke being endlessly indulgent?

I mainly watch China and Taiwan bls, so I’ll love anything from there. I’ll take recs from other countries too, they might become my first foray into non-mandarin bls

I know this is a somewhat specific request so thank you sm if you manage to come up with anything! I really appreciate all the work you put into this blog ☺️💜

Oooo MY FAVORITE!!!

Hyung Romances! (wrap-up post)

I call these hyung romances because that's like noona romances but gay.

Specifically you said:

younger seme aggressively pursues an older initially-unwilling uke

I am utter TRASH for this! YES PLEASE!

Minato’s Laundromat

Japan 2022 GaGa 

AKA Minato Coin Laundry AKA Wash My Heart! AKA Minato Shouji Koin Randorii AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry

Younger seme older uke, very clearly yaoi derived dynamic, 10 year age gap. I love this show so much. This is by far the best long running example that really dwells on this trope, Shin is very much the aggressor also very much still a high school kid. Minato is very much NOT. 

Old Fashion Cupcake 

Japan 2022 Viki & GaGa 

Also from Japan, another 10 year gap, and a flipping genius version. This time both parties are older, so there’s less of a stigma around the age gap, but there is stigma about the one being the other’s boss. 

This show had me from the moment they broke the egg yolk with the chopsticks in the opening credits for episode one. It’s about a younger man with a long cherished crush on his boss (ten years older and going through a mid life crisis) who decides to save and seduce said man with pancakes. It’s wholesome, comforting, sexy, and a very necessary narrative about still having hope, interests, and openness to affection at any age. It’s coming of age/queerness packaged in a subtle critique of expectations around masculinity and love and loneliness... and it’s beautiful. Full review. 

Lovely Writer

Thailand 2021 YouTube 

Sib is quite a bit younger than Gene and defines aggressive pursuer. Gene is out of university and established in his career, Sib is still in college.

Thailand criticizes itself and the BL industry while simultaneously giving us classic seme/uke with great chemistry in a one-two punch of “we love it, but are we supposed to? and must we think this hard, yet enjoy it SO MUCH?” This show won’t appeal or make sense to those who don’t already have at least some Thai BL watching experience. What Lovely Writer does, at heart, is reexamine Thai BL has done to queerness, but in a very gentle way that has more to do with Thai BL growing up than any actual queer authenticity. It’s not parody or pastiche, but it is self reflective and trying to correct for some chronic mistakes. Whether it is ultimately successful in this matter is going to depend on the watcher’s relationship to BL and queer identity. But that’s what makes this show beautiful, interesting, and thought provoking. And I, for one, applaud the effort even if I didn’t personally connect to the characters.

Oxygen

Thailand 2020 YouTube 

Thailand’s first real stab at this dynamic as a main couple and it so worked for me. There are many who find this BL too slow and wooden, but I loved it. 

I think of this as a paragon of Thailand’s softer BL style, since Oxygen uses every BL trope in the playbook for one of the gentlest lowest angst BLs ever made. This one showcases how far Thailand is moving BL from its yaoi roots, and is a prime example of the sweet “new BL” model for which Thailand is the main advocate (Korea is liking it a lot these days too, tho). My first watch along. 

SOTUS

Thailand 2016 YouTube 

Guess who started this trope in Thailand? Yeah, sometimes I forget too. But they are not just classic sunshine/tsunder but classic younger/older. Just not by much.

This is the BL that launched a hundred BLs. No literally, it was SOTUS’s international success that pretty much built the Thai BL industry into the juggernaut it is today. People have baggage around SOTUS, I have nostalgia. Trigger warning on bully hazing. Review here. 

En of Love: Tossera 

Thailand 2020 YouTube 

Younger boy wants to court older boy and does and… that’s it. No really that’s the WHOLE STORY. There is actually no angst, drama, or, indeed plot. But are they the softest bois ever to BL as a main couple? Yes they are.

*pulp warning*

Private Lessons

Korea 2020 GaGa 

A BL short from Strongberry that I love, it's age gap and teacher/student (catnip por moi). The chemistry is slightly off though, but stil I do love this one for the dynamic. Certainly worth watching especially if this is your trope since it's like 8 minutes long and very stylish.

MingKit MarkKit

2 Moons (VERY side dish) YouTube 2 Moons 2 YouTube (major side dish) Gen Y (leads) Gen Y 2 (sides again in LTR) 

Thailand’s premier version of this dynamic I just lumped them all into one category. Only in 2 Moons 2 are they played by different actors, otherwise it is all KimCop, and who can complain about that? If you want to watch specifically for this dynamic than go for Gen Y. Trash watch here. 

SIDE DISH CORNER

Not Me (DanYok)

DanYok is an age gap, but it isn’t really the point or the plot of their romantic arc

Don’t Say No (LeonPob) 

Leon and Pob qualify. That’s all I have to say about that. 

HIStory 3: the BL that shall not be named (BoXiang & ZhiGang)

Also appear in HIStory 4: Close to You

The side characters in H3:MODC (and cameos in H4) BoXiang & ZhiGang have a huge age gap, 12 years, and it is a big deal for their relationship. When they start out BoXiang is a desperate himbo high school kid and ZhiGang is a small business owner. BoXiang’s friends tease him more for his lust over such a much older man than for being gay. 

Bonus on this one, there is some very high (and it's Taiwan so) very well done heat. That said, the main couple will, in fact, wreck your psyche for life. Proceed with caution.

THE THAI PULPS

You’re My Sky (SanAei)

Side could (and only good part of this show) SanAei are a classic uni age gap pairing. San is a bit of a spoiled rich kid jock who identifies the older nerd character as HIS and is just like, MINE. That’s MY elder gay. 

Brothers (KhunKaow) 

This is not a good show, but side couple Khun & Kaow are great in it. Khun is in university and Kaow has a small baking business.

Top Secret Together and Love By Chance both have sub plots of high school boys pursuing college ones, but the one didn’t go anywhere and the other went very very bad, so yeah… no. Although I would personally LOVE to see this done well. 

BONUS POINTS ROUND

Stepbrothers trope

HIStory 4: Close to You (sides)

YongJie is quite a bit younger than XingSi, not sure on the specifics but he’s in middle school when XingSi is in high school and still in college when XingSi has his own business.

Addicted has the stepbrothers trope but not the age gap.

Older uke being endlessly indulgent

Future

Thailand 2023 YouTube 

Based on a y-novel by Faddest (En of Love) about an engineering student and a dentist (shocker). This is just a soft sweet cotton candy fluff piece about a younger boy who pursues an older boy and then manufactures silly gay drama. Nothing wrong with that. But I don’t think this style of BL really appeals to a very large market share. Will I rewatch it? Sure. Will anyone else? Nope.

If you want your endlessly indulgent older gay, this is the you crack, they made if for you.

*pulp warning*

Manner of Death

Thailand 2021 WeTV

It’s not really relevant to the story, but Tan is younger. Not only that, he’s Bun’s friends younger brother. Bun is very indulgent, but in a grown up way.

I like MoD a lot but I’m conflicted over it being actual BL. It’s a great gay romantic suspense, although the mystery element is its weakness. MaxTul, the Kings of chemistry, are, of course, perfect and perfectly cast, but their romance thread is more a distraction than an addition. Still, I could watch them make-out the phonebook. Watch along here. 

Seven Days

Japan 2015 grey 

AKA Seven Days: Monday-Thursday AND Seven Days: Friday-Sunday Japan

Seryou kinda counts as the pursuer, but the dynamic is very very weak in this one. Still the way he asks to use Yuzuru’s first name (so CHEEKY) and the way he says “senpai” in SUCH a cute way makes me so happy. And Yuzuru is NOTHING is not indulgent, it kinda defines his character. I mean he just LETS him call him by his FIRST name... right away.

Never doubt my ability to recommend this show. One of the best live action yaois ever made, with perfectly structured angst, fantastic characters and acting, and no problematic tropes (rare in Japanese BL). The leads have excellent chemistry although it’s low heat there’s still some really cute mutual kisses. 

Just Taiwan

HIStory 2: Crossing the Line

2018 Viki 

Seme uke is VERY weak with this one but the younger character is certainly the pursuer. It’s SO GOOD. 

Lin Pei Yu directs this is a sports romance (volleyball) with a good boy/bad boy pairing, and mu favorite of the HIStory franchise. There is no clear seme/uke. Ostensibly it's high school set but Taiwan doesn't care about age appropriate actors. It's a very soft sweet romance with some ridiculously easily overcome conflict. There's great kisses but it's medium heat. The side dishes are the stepbrother trope but they’re very tame, and there’s no other triggers. It's not just my favorite of the franchise, it’s one of my favorite BLs with a perfect happy ending.

Kiseki: Dear to Me

2023 Gaga

The mains are a major age gap, but I always forget because they def don't look it. Also, Taiwan, so very weak seme/uke. Still there is age gap, he's in high school and our gangster is out of college and in the workplace.

The plot is totally ridiculous and slightly unhinged, but that’s normal for Taiwan. It involves all the tropes under a very casual framework of gay mafia gangs + food = love. Absolutely every character is queer. There’s a gum-ball machine of cameos, elder gay rep, great chemistry from all pairs, and a KILLER side couple. As a result Kiseki is a poster child for Taiwanese BL, and I happen to love Taiwanese BL. Bonus? They also managed to END IT WELL, which we cannot expect from Taiwan.

(Triggers for knife play, child abuse, lingering trauma.)

Unknown

2024 YouTube

Unknown is a wonderful BL with a pitch perfect portrayal of long term pining, age gap, and the stepbrothers trope. The acting and chemistry are ON POINT (especially from the leads) which made the resulting characters very believable. When it dwells in intimate family drama, it's stunning. It's slightly less successful when it leaves the home and goes gritty. Still, those are mere quibbles. This is an excellent show, one of Taiwan' s best.

As you see above I mostly had to take you to Japan and Thailand for this one. Considering your preferences try Japan first, it's closer in DNA to Taiwanese stuff, but it won't go as high heat. If you want the heat, you'll need to try the Thai stuff (or the ones from Taiwan you haven't seen). I would start with Lovely Writer.

Okay I think I have given you enough and, unless I miss my guess, I may have tempted you to try some Japanese BL.

Comes to the weirder (and weird hair) side. We have pancakes.

Yeah I think you should watch Old Fashion Cupcake.

EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH OLD FASHION CUPCAKE!!!

(source)

This post dated May 2024, not responsible for hyungs that sling after that date.

[uselessvaldemarsimp]

"less-cannon-accurate" annnnd there it is, thanks for letting us know that the author of that "route" treats Valdemar being aroace just as an inconvenient little detail to be discarded. what a shame

DISCLAIMER: i am not aroace! this is simply my opinion, take what i say with a grain of salt

here’s what i have to say:

is valdemar good aroace representation in the first place?

i dont think so! their orientation was announced in a, correct me if im wrong, comment section of an instagram post, and no where else! the fact that they and vulgora, villains, are the only nonbinary characters that use they/them exclusively, and the fact that valdemar, again, a villain, is the only aroace character in the entire game, is simply overall bad representation! a villain being aroace isn’t inherently bad representation, but all other things considered in this specific situation, the creators seem to view aroace people as inhumane freaks! yikes!

is this an excuse to erase said gender and sexuality?

not really, no!

is the valdemar dorian route by ronelle otieno good aroace representation despite this?

i think so! it’s done very well in my opinion, being an integral part of their character, not explicitly stated but shown through their actions and storytelling, it honestly makes valdemar seem a little more human, the way that their orientation is shown. i think ronelle otieno took something that was a poorly done afterthought and made it into good representation

can aroace people partake in sex and romance?

yes! this is a pretty obvious fact that most people are aware of by now

since that’s the case, is the inclusion of sex and/or romance when engaging with an aroace character an erasure of their sexuality?

not inherently! again, aroace people Can partake in these things, despite what some people may think!

HOWEVER, is deviating from canon with an aroace character who has been explicitly stated to not have an interest in sex and romance an erasure of their sexuality?

honestly, this is where things get tricky, but i think i have a way of thinking about it:

do actions = attraction?

i dont think so! i think people can kiss whoever they want, have sex with whoever they want, give flowers to whoever they want, without it being a direct show of their orientation. therefore, while it may be deviating from canon, it isn’t an inherent erasure of the characters sexuality. an erasure of aroace sexuality would be having that character specifically show or state that they are romantically and/or sexually attracted to someone. that’s where we begin having issues! if you have a problem with deviating from canon, that’s an entirely different thing, and i suggest you never interact with fandoms ever! for your own sanity.

people swap the sexualities of characters all the time, why is it such an issue when people do it with aroace characters, or queer characters in general?

lack of representation! if all these different flavors of queer were normalized, as they should be, people wouldn’t have so much of an issue with playing around with characters sexualities, but because representation is spare, people cling onto these aspects of these characters for dear life, even if the representation isn’t good representation

so what should people be fighting for?

more representation! instead of hanging onto characters who’s orientation is already a badly done, arguably acephobic afterthought, maybe the best course of action is to make an effort to create more aro and/or ace representation in general!

at the end of the day, is this all that big of a deal?

not really! you are the the captain of your own ship. you can choose to interact with things, or dont! wasting energy arguing over something that wont change is not worth your precious time. using that energy to create and promote Good representation is probably a better use of ones energy.

i highly encourage aroace people, especially those who have read the dorian route, to share their opinions. i dont intend to speak For or Over aroace people, im just a stranger on the internet who has thought a lot about things that dont really matter a whole lot in the grand scheme of things

[titus-androgynous-87]

Any RPDR fans on here that aren’t also on Reddit missed out on one of the funniest and most wholesome things to happen to the Drag Race subreddit.

A man, I forget his actual name and internet handle (which is just as well because he doesn’t need anyone putting that info out there), had mistaken the RPDR sub for one about actual drag racing.

He liked to play drag racing video games, and he’d posted a question about which make/model car would be a good place to start for some game he was looking to play. It was clear that English wasn’t his first language and wasn’t super familiar with how the internet worked, let alone Reddit. And so, naturally, Reddit did what Reddit does best: had a fun and thankfully good-natured roasting.

People were offering up names of queens like: Nymphia Wind, Sapphira, Latrice Royale, and more I can’t remember right now. And this guy was so sweet replying “never heard of it, but thank you friend!” and then like. Then a few minutes later he’d reply again “this is a singer?”

Cut to a few hours later, he makes another post apologizing for posting in the wrong sub, explaining his confusion, and asking that we “please didnt charge [him] with a cyber crime.” So we all made an effort to make it clear we weren’t angry, but hoping that he would pick up on the joke and join in. And we all helped explain the show, how it worked, what it meant to the community, etc.

This man makes yet another post, with a hastily made Windows Movie Maker slideshow attached thanking the sub for being so kind and saying how he had never heard of Rupert’s Drag Race for LGBT, but he liked seeing all the representation of not only different races, nationalities, and ethnicities, but also gender, sexuality, and aesthetics.

He then went on to explain in accompanying text that he had never had any ill will towards queer people, he hadn’t ever really understood before, and had never heard of drag at all. But he was glad he made a happy mistake, because it helped him learn a little more about something he didn’t understand and discover a culture he’d never known existed, but was glad it did.

And then his last post in the saga was under a different handle, and explained that he’d been using his son’s account before, but now he had his own. And while he didn’t think he’d stick around the RPDR sub long-term, he said he might check in every once in a while to see “the new singers.”

The sub has a new flair in his honor: I’m Rupert. I think we made him an honorary mod, or someone proposed it at least. It was all very funny, and I’m very glad that everyone kept the joke contained, and that OP took it well. And wherever he is, I hope he’s having fun, and finds cash in his coat pocket.

[matt0044]

Why does Indie Animation lend itself to such intense discourse?

If I had to speculate from my own observations (feel free to call me out on an overgeneralizations), it would be that the harsh turn against any given indie project would be akin to a mother scolding a child with, "I expected this from your sibling but you?!"

See also the "We were rooting for you" gif often tossed around.

Indie Animation be it from a small studio or crowdfunded is seen as bypassing the hoops and hurdles of getting your foot in the door of the highly corporatized entertainment industry. With the likes of Disney or Nick or any given streaming service, creator driven projects are subject to the whims of the company who holds the IP.

And those whims are often to said IP's detriment. It'll more often than not be willfully neglected at best or treated as just something to fill a time slot or shove onto a streaming platform as "content." Enough may be allowed to flourish but their either uncerimoniously cut short at best or being dragged out as a franchise at worst.

To keep from going on about the whole Legend of Korra vs. Spongebob thing (I was there people, there was an LoK fandom believe it or not), indie animation has often been seen as small scale but also within the creator's general control since they control how long it goes or how it's written.

Many cartoons like Gravity Falls, Owl House and Amphibia have talked about trying to get their vision across while contending with a lot of Standards and Practices. Their story which had a "kids and adults alike" target audience would have the top brass insist on something more just for the former category.

While they find work arounds, often to stick their tongue out at the FCC, this can be a hard reminder of who has the final say despite it being what you want. Indie animation is seen as an answer to "What if Alex Hirsch didn't have to comprimise elements of Gravity Falls for the FCC?" or "What if Dana Terrence could just blaze her own trail with The Owl House with little to no notes?"

Especially when it comes to animation with queer characters. Animation made to be "fit for kids" have it tough enough even today but adult animation has to "play it for laughs" since comedies have been the defacto standard for that type of cartoon.

However... a show being creator driven or creative team driven comes as a double edged sword for the fandoms they form. Not all stories that play out across multiple episodes of varying lengths are going in the direction YOU might want to.

Creators might tire of a certain direction or formula and mix things up with things that come to mind almost on the spot. Even with a solid plan, the status quo will get a shake up that can and will alienate those who fell in love from episode one.

Indie Pilots spark the imagination something fierce. There's theories as to what any little detail could mean going forward and speculation on what a character's arc could be. These go wild because Fandom is all about the hypothetical, the unknown, the what could've/should've/would've been. Whole phenomenon would be dead in the water otherwise.

Thing is that not all theories will be proven right if any at all. The creators aren't mind readers and even if it isn't a legality like in corporate, they don't read fanfics if only because they don't want their vision to be totally compromised. Any good creator knows not to just give fans what they want. However... trampling over all these fanfics and theories makes it feel like any given fan had their "child" dragged into the streets to be shot.

A harsh phrasing but that's how a lot of fans act when continuing episode bump up against initial impression of this character or that storyline. It was their creation but new lore, new backstory or what have you is liable to override them. It's been an occupational hazard of being a member of fandom for ages yet it's become the center of a lot of discourse now more than ever. Say thank you to social media for creating such a combative environment everybody.

It's this... feeling of ownership that has existed in fandoms of other shows owned by corporations but amplied by the smaller scale of it, how creators seem more... approachable. And THIS is how the YouTube "critic" scene comes in to capitalize.

So... yeah.

[lambilegs]

do you do sfw lee requests?

bc oh. oh boy do I think that high school sweethearts lee x reader is so so charming and hey, maybe I’m just a sucker for sweet tooth rotting fluff (also wlw duh)

you and Lee who had been inseparable, tied at the hip “best friends” for a while. you and Lee who fell for each other at the same time, who held hands under the table, who pretended to be straight until after high school where you moved in together immediately.

Lee had always been anxious. but you made her anxious thoughts go away when you lay your head on her chest. Lee had always been scared of her future, but you’re here now. you’re holding her hand through it all.

thank you 🙏

high school lee harker x reader living out their queer coming-of-age storyline

📖𓍢ִ໋🀦✎ᝰ.✉︎𓍯𓂃𓏧♡

(oh my god??? this is so sweet I am in love. (and yes hehe I definitely do sfw requests!!)

lee who always felt a bit unsettled in high school, finally becoming more aware of social cues, expectations, behaviours, and feeling herself so distanced from performing those naturally

sure, she had a tight knit group of friends, but she didn't feel like she moved through the world, through interactions, as easily as they did

but, you were there. the peer in her history class who directly pointed out her behaviours, but in a way that was free, casual, that made her feel like there was nothing wrong

you were patient, taking your time with getting to know her, and reaching through the layers of stoic distance and hesitation

it started off slow... asking her if she wanted to go to study hall together, since you both had a spare period, and watching her carefully as she poured over her infamously meticulous essays (seriously, everyone knew she was the teachers' favourite in the history and law classes). then, it turned into seeking her out at lunch and lying that you got an extra cookie from the vending machine and you thought she'd like it (you once saw her eating it during morning period, and you didn't even like the flavour), blushing bright red at the sight of her friends confusedly looking between you two.

slowly, she gave back to you, in both subtle and clear ways. she started walking you home, even though it added an extra twenty minutes to her walk. she started helping you with your essays, showing you the right ways to do citations. when she found out gossip had spread about you through the halls, she went to the perpetrator and asked them to stop, her eyes frozen on the tiles and everyone shocked to see lee harker speak up... and for someone else?

you started meeting outside of class, hanging out on the train tracks of your boring town, visiting the pond that you walked by everyday after school, and sharing meals at the nearby plaza. she listened to you like no one else ever had, hanging onto your every word as though she were watching you in the process of creating a master artwork. and you listened to her, and god, how that made her feel... like what she had to say could be taken seriously, and not just be dismissed. she didn't have to be infantilized just for being seventeen years old and less outgoing than her peers. someone saw her as a person worth paying attention to. it started off slow, with her only sharing tidbits of her life with you. the day she confessed to you to the weight of religious guilt that loomed over her day and night, in the privacy of your childhood bedroom, she had never felt so tenderly held.

soon, everyone knew you two were attached at the hips. you spent the summer break together, visiting the gas station before heading to the park, where you guys would talk. and talk... that's all you guys did. constantly talk about your days, your families, school, what your futures beheld. she talked to you of her past dreams of becoming an actress -- when you asked why, she said she had spent her life wanting to be anywhere but here, transported into a new world, and she thought being an actress could do that. now, she said, she thought about law enforcement, wanting to help people and make a change she felt she was too limited to do in your guys' town. you told her if anyone could do it, she could, and she shuddered at the sheer hope you ignited in her.

slowly, though, things changed... you started thinking more of what she thought of you, in ways you didn't with your other friends. the innocence, or perhaps ignorance, towards your feelings, that existed as a safe veil over your eyes, began to lift. suddenly, you wondered if she thought you were pretty. you found yourself longing to know what she thought of romance -- if she pined for it, wanted it, and if so, who she wanted it with. when she received a bashful confession through a candy gram, you went home and cried into your pillow.

little did you know, you were just crossing the threshold into a room she had occupied alone for years. she knew, two weeks in, what it was she felt for you. and here you were, nearly a year later, struggling to comprehend it

but, once you did, every single moment with her felt more fleeting. every walk home felt like a mere second, every lunch break felt like a quick snack, every moment with her held an import that you could barely handle, using every spare second to decipher her and what she felt

your secret feelings crumbled to the wind when you discovered someone had asked her to your school's fall formal. your friends told you the rumour was that she had agreed. that night, on the phone, when she had admitted considering it, you hung up on her. the next day, she practically cornered you in the halls, focused gaze zeroed in on you. you couldn't contain it. you broke down, weeping to her about your feelings, begging her to not tell anyone, fear churning in your stomach of what your peers, what your community, would think of you.

she hugged you, took care of you (when did she not?) and with a shaky voice, declared, "I like you too"

eager youth you both were, immediately confessing to wanting to be each other's girlfriends, whirling into complete bliss together. the autumn of senior year was spent with tenderly written love notes left in each other's lockers, interlaced fingers beneath the cafeteria table, shy first kisses exchanged behind the bleachers. lee carrying your bags home whenever you guys walked, letting you sit on the back of her bike, and finally admitting why she couldn't have you over, why things with her mom were so hard. you bought her her favourite candy without her having to ask and you called her to wish her luck on the evenings of long studying sessions. you sent her a pathetically romantic candygram that she carried in her wallet, which really had nothing much but some spare change for bus money and the receipts of all your dates.

sure, there was pain in it too. your respective friend groups were privy to your relationship, but the rest of the world wasn't. your guys' relationship forced lee to acknowledge yet another big part of her life she couldn't share with her mother. your guys' shared moments were things you had to reserve to nooks and crannies. you couldn't tape the photobooth pictures of you guys on your wall, you couldn't declare to nosey relatives that you had someone who loved you. when it got hard, you two would talk about all the things you'd do once you left town and went to college in a year. the way you'd hold hands under the sun.

and in what flashed by your guys' eyes, a year passed. and finally, you walked with her, far from the bleachers, hand in hand, back to the home you guys built. the home that finally had the pictures hung up.

[coolittleguy]

Queer Baiting and Good Omens

It’s really sad to me that pre season 2 a lot of people defined good omens as queer baiting and that really upsets me because that it wasn’t. What season one was 1.) a very similar adaptation of the original book with actually more aziracrow content added and 2.) a potential set up for their relationship in upcoming seasons. I understand that at that time it was easy to label the show as queer bait because there was plenty of heterosexual relationships and heavy hints and focus on the love between the 2 entities with no real mention. But I have noticed that people who labeled this show as such didn’t understand the built in queerness that was there since the original book or the history of queerness that existed within Neil and Terry’s previous works. Obviously now people no longer label the show queer bait because of the in-depth character study that was season 2 and the kiss didn’t hurt either. What I’m trying to say is that it is disheartening to see the mistrust that the queer community has towards media that has any queer relationship that doesn’t have an immediate or explicit payoff. Now this is a completely understandable reaction that is totally justified by all the many many queer baiting shows that exist. But I think the queer community should take more time to analyze and understand a potential queer relationships before immediately labeling it as queer baiting, because if not it will become harder for people to actually make good and proper queer relationships that may take more time to develop. Though at the end of the day, I believe the responsibility lies on the shoulders of those creating the media, specifically those that are making actual queer baiting content. But while the queer community waits for those media creators and the rest of the world to catch up, we should focus on bolstering up the proper queer relationships that actually make for good representation.

I would also like to say that Good Omens has by far one of the best if not the best relationships I have ever seen in any media. The show does have a handful of heterosexual couples, but the way that Crowley and Aziraphale and their relationship is handled is with so much more love and care and is something that is really beneficial for the queer community. Something else that I appreciate is that you can switch out the genders of these two characters and the relationship would still be the same because their relationship is not about what gender the other person is, but how much they love the other person. I understand that a lot of queer people want to see relationships that reflect the hardships that come with being in a queer relationship but at the same time I think this is great representation because it handles the relationship with just as much or even more love than a heterosexual relationship typically is. Though one day I hope that the world will come to a place where in media they don’t have to reflect the hardships of a queer relationship because one day the world will accept everyone’s relationship without issue. But until then, thank you to Neil and Terry for helping pave the way towards a better and more queer future. 

Editors Note- something I forgot to mention, that @knifeforkspooncup brought up, is if the queer community pushes for physical confirmation (kissing, sex) of a queer relationship we’ll miss out on asexual/aromantic relationships. Also I think aziracrow is a wonderfully asexual relationship which is something I have seen very little of, so thanks once again Neil and Terry for breaking those pesky media norms!

(Btw please let me know if there’s anything I may have missed or anything I said that was incorrect)

[littlelesbianintern]

Cynthia’s Coming Out Scene

I want to start with the fact that I think this is one of the best coming out scenes I’ve ever watched which considering this is a show set in the 50s is an incredible feat. This scene has me sobbing and Ari’s acting was incredible.

To be honest the way this show has represented queerness has been brilliant throughout the season. I love how the show utilises symbolism, but in particular the motif of queer people being able to have conversation about queerness without expressing it out loud is especially impactful - Cynthia/Lydia’s “you’re scared” scenes, the rehearsals, the fall dance, the conversation between Cynthia and Shy Guy. All of these moments convey deeper conversations than their literal words and to have this culminate in Cynthia not even being able to voice their identity/feelings out loud is genius because it’s such a universal experience for queer people.

Ari’s acting was phenomenal, literally just incredible. That moment before Cynthia hands the note to Nancy, relishing what she sees as the last moments of their friendship before Nancy begins to look at her differently? The grip on the note before letting Nancy eventually take it? The absolute look of fear as Nancy reads it? The gut-wrenching sob as she reads Nancy’s response, overcome with pure fucking relief? STUNNING. I’ve never felt to moved or seen. Give Ari their flowers because I can’t express enough how amazing their acting has been this season.

Also as much as I would like to know what the note says, I kind of love that we don’t? Like it remains this beautiful inside joke/moment between just Nancy and Cynthia. Having said that, I hope it says something like “rate the kiss out of ten” in a recall to Nancy loving to rank how good people are at kissing.

ON THAT NOTE NANCY NAKAGAWA IS THE ALLY OF THE YEAR. I love that she picked up immediately that Cynthia’s anger wasn’t entirely about her relationship with Potato, because whilst Cynthia definitely is angry about Nancy’s attitude, a little more of it was maybe some slight jealousy on Cynthia’s part? Nancy and Potato as a straight couple (I have my own head cannons but I digress) can outwardly express affection for each other but Nancy chooses to reject this. For Cynthia this must be incredibly frustrating, because as Lydia’s experience proves, queer relationship don’t have the same privilege, but Nancy takes it for granted. But for someone who said themselves that they weren’t great at listening, Nancy’s response to Cynthia, whatever it was, was perfect. And furthermore, she wasn’t just there to listen, but to actively turn up and support Cynthia in repairing her relationship with Lydia. Honestly just all of episode 10 was Nancy being an icon for a solid 55 minutes.

I also love the way that Lydia’s previous relationship experience adds a deeper layer to her relationship with Cynthia. I already kind of figured this would be the case based on the lyrics from Merely Players (“i know just what you’re feeling I’ve had that dream before”) and her conversation with Cynthia as to how school productions usually goes kind of read to me like she’s had queer relationships before. But it really reinforces how much Lydia likes Cynthia, to the point where she is willing to put her heart on the line again even though she knows how this might go.

Finally, although we don’t know whether the show will be renewed or not, the fact that the season ended with happy lesbians? Revolutionary. I’m going to be devastated if this becomes another sapphic show that’s cancelled, but I have a little peace of mind knowing that for once the lesbian couple hasn’t been left on a cliffhanger with no resolution. The reunion between Cynthia and Lydia was so lovely and Ari’s voice ? Holy shit dude!!!!!! They’re incredible. And the symbolism with the hall of mirrors, showing Cynthia giving every version of herself to Lydia? Amazing! So yeah, thank you Rise of the Pink Ladies for finally giving us some much needed portrayals of queerness with a happy ending, especially considering the context the show is set in.

[velvetvexations]

it’s so bizarre to me that you never, EVER reblog or post anything about transmisogyny or the transfem experience. like, can you even recommend any transfem-centric blogs for me to follow? for someone so into “solidarity” your trans activism seems pretty focused on trans men only

So there are multiple things going on with this ask.

As I've explained several times before - I don't necessarily blame you for not seeing it, but I have - most social issues give me panic attacks to contemplate. The thing I mentioned triggered me so badly yesterday was something in the transmisogyny tag that wasn't tagged with anything I had blacklisted (not that OP's fault, I added more variations of transphobia warnings so it hopefully won't happen again).

Intercommunity issues are less existential. Things like hate crimes and legislative assaults on queer people freak me out and leave me a shaking, crying, doomscrolling mess. I don't even follow like, literally any of the people who followed me for transandrophobia advocacy because they reblog other things that gives me heart palpitations.

That limits my exposure to intercommunity issues facing transfems specifically as well, the vast majority of people I follow don't put any discourse on my dash at all. However, I have in fact reblogged posts purely about transmisogyny (other than the kind transandrophobes throw at me lol) only to immediately delete them when I see the OP is vile towards transmascs in other posts, completely spoling the message. At least one was even specifically about ways transmascs can be transmisogynistic, which I thought was a fair enough criticism before realizing it was at best one good point in a sea of bullshit directed at our trans brothers. Another time I specifically asked someone how they felt about trasnmascs before I reblogged their very good post about transmisogyny and was delighted when they gave a fantastic response.

Furthermore, I do actually just speak on pure transmisogyny myself sometimes! I talked at length about the immense pain it caused me realizing Alison Bechdel was TERFier than I thought in a way that completely contradicts the strip that made me cry out of appreciation for her. Recently, I've also been talking a lot about the ways butch transfems are treated for not looking cis.

Do I mention these things less than transandrophobia and other issues that affect people other than transfems? Sure. But like...so what? I like doing things for other people.

I don't mean to act like I'm some kinna savior or anything, but as I said just yesterday, helping people outside of your own issues is something I'm kinna obsessed with not just in myself but others too. I'm constantly stressing how cis allies should be appreciated e.g. my previous feelings about Bechdel, and despite how she turned out I still firmly believe that cis allies should be treasured. I've donated money to multiple cis allies to say thanks for their statements.

It's not like I'm just so saintly selfless or anything like that, I'm very self-centered, it's just that being an ally to [x], [x] being allies to me, and [x] being allies to [y] who have nothing to do with me is not only a rare area of activism I can function in, it's one that actively brings me joy. This includes having sent multiple messages to transmascs thanking them when they speak up about transmisogyny, because I want to show them the love so many of them have shown me for the same thing.

Finally, you say my trans activism is focused on trans men. Maybe so, by volume. But, and I've mentioned this before, I've been wanting to do more for everyone else as well, literally everyone. I've asked a bit about intersex issues and am trying to learn more about what non-binary people who don't lean to one end or the other deal with as well, and I also want all my cis followers to feel just as comfortable and supported by me as well - and, of course, that all goes for other transfems as well, whose pain cuts me to the bone.

I'm radically pro-everyone, anon, and I want to help uplift them all without exception. I understand focusing on one's own lane, and I neither judge that nor am attempting to portray myself as a uniquely noble white knight. That's just what I personally choose to put my efforts towards.