#that arent romantic or about grief !

[queerplatonicshipshowdown]

Quarterfinals, Match 4

Edgin Darvis and Holga Kilgore from Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves vs. Jessie and James from Pokémon!

Propaganda for Edgin and Holga:

They live together and raise a child together and are explicitly nonromantic

Theyre literally canonically partners in life AND raise a kid together. But have no romantic feelings for one another. But they Dont need romantic love to still love each other so deeply. Spoilers for the dnd movie. But edgin literally gave up the chance to bring his wife back from the dead to save holga. Because. She's always had his back. Because *she* is who raised his daughter. They end the movie as a FAMILY. No romance involved.

This literally was the best thing ive seen a movie do with a male lead and a female 2nd lead. They didnt make them romantic. They didnt fanservice. They said that they arent romantically interested and they WERENT. They stuck with it. N just. Let them be a queerplatonic family unit.

they raise a kid together but don't have even a hint of romantic chemistry (in fact both of them have canon love interests who are not each other); the only person they put before each other is their daughter (the biological child of Edgin & his late wife); they understand each other better than anyone else & rely on each other without even thinking about it

I just have a lot of feelings about a close male-female relationship being portrayed as EXPLICITLY non-romantic when they raised a child together !! that sort of non-nuclear family representation is so important & so rare !! Holga literally just saw this random widower drinking his grief away in a tavern with a baby at his side & said 'my problem now' without any romantic intentions !! I love her & I love them <3

Propaganda for Jessie and James:

Have you seen them

[cwilb]

syaing this in anon bc i dont want it to be seen as hate. what is the appeal of romantic calliumduo? i don't really see it since I mainly see them as one-sided enemies on tommys side, to somewhat friends because of tubbo over the course of their time on the dsmp

HAI ANON thank you for this ask /gen i love yapping about cubitos especially calliumduo!!

first of all im gonna go pretty based off of the wiki due to my memory issues, however i did check that everything had sources so hopefully its accurate. :3 very sorry if not and feel free to correct me in another ask!!

^ this is their first meeting, where it says they bonded by planting things together then griefed cgeorge's house.

this is after their first meeting, where cranboo confesses he was involved in grieving george's house and defends ctommy, saying "tommy is anything but selfish". they overall had a good relationship, at least at first (including for a good part of exile which is a big deal methinks)

for the frenemies part im assuming youre talking about where ctommy was jealous about cbeeduo marriage (i choose to interpret part of this as him liking cranboo and being jealous of both of them because thats his best friend and someone he takes a liking to), where ctommy said despite his jealously 'he liked cranboo a lot and appreciated the fact that he had always been there for him'. from my view this is not negative and shows ctommys actual feelings about cranboo beyond his jealousy and how he tends to try and mask his feelings.

their relationship is overall considered positive from both of their views, it isnt one sided enemies, they like each other (/p speaking at least, i personally interpret them as romantic).

theres so much more than this but these r like. the basics of it for me i guess? im tired and thats gonna be more IDs to add later so erm. asking other people as well is probably a very good idea /gen!!

also outside of canon stuff i project on ctommy and see him as aroace because i am and i think any representation of arospecs having romantic relationships in a way where people arent fuckin weird about it is really cool + i see cranboo as acespec and somewhere on the agender spectrum so they r aspec4aspec 2 me!!

[awayfornow]

i never really expected to make this post. but i need an outlet to vent and be sad for a bit. ive known im aspec for at least 7 years, sexual and romantic attraction just arent it for me and ive always be myself, happy about my identity and confident in the ways i express and loving in the friendships i have.

but somehow, 7 years into it im hitting grief. ive never wanted romance or sex, i was raised by a single parent who didn't date and i am lucky to be very supported by my family. But im sad that i will never feel any of the gooey things, sad that i will never want to wake up next to someone and want to soak them in. i dont even want to want it. i know im not broken, i know my friends love me, and its okay to not want any of the things society tells me to want. but im grieving it anyway. i dont even know how to grieve something that i dont want. that i dont want to want.

i knew from a very young age that i probably wasnt going to fall in love. nothing affirms this more than watching my friends fall in love. i dont want to have what they have, i dont want to be committed to someone like that, cuddling makes me squeamish sex is neutral and romance sounds so uncomfortable. but im still sad.

im still prioritized by my friends, still planning my future with them. we talk about boundaries and their partners and my place being cemented in their lives. i know things will change as we grow and they get more committed and get married but we've talked about these things. i know im not going to lose them, i know. and yet- im still sad for myself.

im grieving the never wanting something. i dont even know why. its never been an expectation for me, its never been forced upon me by my family, and yet i cant help but feel weighed down by grief. i dont want to be in love, i dont want to have a spouse or kids or even a house. how can i grieve something i never wanted?

i don't understand why ive been able to live and celebrate myself for seven years and this grief is only hitting me now. i dont want to be any other way. but im still im so upset. so tired. i dont even know

[luminescent-cactus]

Ok i just finished full metal alchemist brotherhood, and i enjoyed it so much, so many little aspects of it, and I wish i had watched it sooner (this post just a bunch of rambles i wanted to get out of my system be warned),

1) how everyone with automail is viewed as capable and just how cool it is as a technology and how it also has its limitations and like how characters with chronic illness are strong and not viewed as less than in plot

2) the way everyone is kinda found family, ed and alphonse really went out and about and found themselves a bunch of people that adopted them, along with mustangs group all being close as can be

3) the emphasis on the platonic relationships and it felt more subtle towards romantic ones, like with ed and winery it was the most obvious one, but the rest have their moments but not pushed pushed

4) the way that most and if not all the characters are morally grey, and they get a chance to grow and develop from their pasts and make amends and acknowlege their misdeeds in their own way

5) making greed and some of the other sins not considered as evil just humanizing them and how they can be good (well this mainly greed) just the fact thats kinda story wise pushed as an emotion thats not bad to experience, and how the 7 sins are what make people human, and they arent fully evil

6) the strong female characters: hawkeye, armstrong, curtis, and how each and everyone of them had an importance to plot in their own way

7) ngl i feel like i am a sucker for mustang and hawkeyes relationship, they both keep each other going in their own ways, like riza knowing roy well enough to stop him with greed, and roy keeping riza going after the war, they are each others rock in a such a good way

8) ed and winery too, the fact that winery realized she was inlove with him but didnt get flustered or create a fuss, and ed freaking out about his feelings, i just live for that dynamic. I will never be over the equivalent exhange of giving half of his life for hers and her going ill give you more than that, and them both being flustered

9) the showing of all perspectives in a war, and like showing of processing of grief and like so many harder topics

[winisayswhat]

Hey there I wanted to participate in your ask game , hope u are doing fine?

Im a new follower of yours i hardly know you but lets see my assumption about u is correct or not -

You like girly things but u arent into that extra soft girly , you are more like dont cross my boundary type of girly? More into savage girly vibes , its not like siren - savage type but more like hot girly savage type? Am I making sense?😂 i m seeing colours like dark pink , black , normal pink when it comes to you with a hint of peach.

Name - Britney

My question - i wanted to know how am i going to meet my future spouse and what will be the relationship dynamic be like on the start, like are we going to start off as friends , or is it more of a romantic approach from the start?

Cartoon i enjoy watching - horror animations that are found on you tube

Gosh, your journey is a roller coatser ride . I see betrayal ,some one at you work or your partner might be a backstabbing ,hurt you ,cheat you or deceive you . And you might loose yourself for a long time , you will go through a mental glitch . You'll have nonl idea where your life is going and how you'll deal with it . I see that you'll lose yourself .It'll take a lot of time to overcome .Your family will try to help you , theyll be your foundation , theyll help you get over the grief and when your building yourself , you'll meet your spouse !

17/19

[br1ghtestlight]

thinking about bubblegum's family too...... which is very much a play on the typical popular girl x nerd trope thats seen in high school dramas but it ends up being a bit sadder. her parents started dating when they were maybe fifteen and her dad was a SUPER socially awkward nerd while her mom was a typically cute fun and popular cheerleader but she asked him out and he was like uhh okay sure?? they dated throughout high school yknow irregardless of what other ppl thought and after that they decided they wanted to be Adults and her dad went to college they bought a house together etc and then of course they got pregnant and had a baby (bubblegum) but when she was like maybe a year or two old her mom went out on errands and she'd always been ditzy and distracted by bubblegum (my beloved btw) so she was talking on the phone while crossing the street and there was a truck driver who wasnt really looking where he was going and yeah she got hit by a car and died. her dad took this VERY hard bcuz they were high school sweethearts and now he was left alone with his tiny baby and no support but his mom/bubblegum's grandma moved in with them to help him thru his grief and eventually said if you dont start actually taking care of your daughter and being there for her im going to fight for custody (this was all when bubblegum was REALLY young like she doesnt remember any of this) and after that he Got Better and was like the best dad ever and it was always him and bubblegum against the world they are very close <3 i always like to joke that bubblegum got the worst traits from both her parents (unlikeable and socially awkward + generally stupid and oblivious to things) but she has lots of good traits too and i love her dearly

i always believed in another universe if bubblegum's mom hadn't died she would have had a baby brother :)

also i guess relevant to say that bubblegum's dad chose to never remarry. personally i think if your spouse dies when you're young its okay to remarry or date other people and its ALSO okay if you decide that you dont want to be with anyone else. its a very personal decision there isnt a wrong answer but it isnt because bubblegum's dad never moved on or got over her its bcuz he didnt want to. he's living a happy and healthy life without romance and thats okay bcuz romantic relationships arent the most important thing in the world

i think bubblegum's parents really have the same vibe as the love letter to end all love letters tbh

"I will love you with no regard to the actions of our enemies or the jealousies of actors. I will love you with no regard to the outrage of certain parents or the boredom of certain friends. I will love you no matter what is served in the world’s cafeterias or what game is played at each and every recess. I will love you no matter how many fire drills we are all forced to endure, and no matter what is drawn upon the blackboard in a blurring, boring chalk. I will love you no matter how many mistakes I make when trying to reduce fractions, and no matter how difficult it is to memorize the periodic table. I will love you no matter what your locker combination was, or how you decided to spend your time during study hall. I will love you no matter how your soccer team performed in the tournament or how many stains I received on my cheerleading uniform. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday."

"I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close that we could slip the curved straw, and the long, slender spoon, between our lips and fingers respectively. I will love you until the chances of us running into one another slip from skim to zero, and until your face is fogged by distant memory, and your memory faced by distant fog, and your fog memorized by a distant face, and your distance distanced by the memorized memory of a foggy fog. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, no matter where you avoid and who you don’t see, and no matter who sees you avoiding where you go. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this, and no matter how I am discovered after what happens to me happens to me as I am discovering this. I will love you if you don’t marry me."

"I will love you if you never marry at all, and never have children, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all, and I must say that on late, cold nights I prefer this scenario out of all the scenarios I have mentioned. That, Beatrice, is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way."

[ain]

Do you have a favorite poem?

hi !! okay so i used to, they were love poems . and i was delaying answering this because i didn't know what my favourite poem was . i think the answer is that no, right now, i don't have a favourite poem, and i'm so happy about that !!!

the thing is, when i was in love, i used to love all these love poems to bits, and when i fell out of love, i took them down from the wall that's covered in poetry . i never put them back up . and then i felt grief, and loss, heartbreak, and then my favourite poems were about grief and loss and heartbreak . i put them up, and i took them down, and i never put them back up .

now i'm okay . now i finally said the last goodnight to the person i needed to say it to . now it feels like closure . i've been getting better, i've been getting angry and happy and sad, i've been stupid and clever and proud and i'm learning to be alright . i'm changing . i want new poems to put on my wall, because right now i'm changing and i'm learning and i'm so glad that is the case . i don't have a favourite poem, and i think someday i'll find one, but for now i'm going to stare at the empty space on this wall and finally love myself .

[obsessive-ego]

Just go with it part 2

Musical beetlejuice x reader

You have to meet juno and pretend you and bj are getting married

Nsft sorta, mentions of activity

Part 1

"Babes"

....

"Sugar"

...

"Y/n"

...?

"Y/n wake up, come on babes"

...!

"Beej?" You mumble rubbing your eyes "what's wrong?" You say in a whisper.

He doesnt respond, you turn on the lamp by your bed and check your phone clock

5:42am

You sigh, looking back at the demon, now being able to see him clearly, you freeze upon seeing that the demon was now completely purple, his hair, his beard, his tie, all deep purple.

"What's wrong?" You ask again, more fear in you voice then intended

"Okay y/n" he starts, using your name rather then a pet name was never a good sign "so you remember a few nights ago when that suit came by to see if I was lying about our relationship?"

"He's back?!" You sit up, more awake "wait... wasnt the repercussion to that not that bad? Just some extra work for you?"

Beetlejuice rubs his neck "yeah, thing about that, it's not him... my mother is here, to talk to you personally..." he trails off refusing to look at you

"Your mother...." you repeat feeling your stomach drop

"Yeah..."

"What's gonna happen if she finds us out?" You ask in a whisper

"...who knows with her" the demon spits before looking away.

The two of you remain in silence over the shit beetlejuice has gotten you into it.

Beetlejuice huffs out his nose as his focus goes back to you.

"So y/n, I mean honey~" the demon pulls you up from your bed and into a side hug "ready to meet mommy dearest?" Beetlejuice tried to smile, make light of the situation, but his hair betrayed him, remaining a deep purple, even though he tried his best to plaster a grin across his face for your sake.

You didnt know much about Beetlejuice's mother, other then she didnt exactly win mother of the year, beej only opened up about her a handful of times, long story short, you knew this was gonna be a rough experience for both of you, but mostly Beej.

Beetlejuice drops his jacket around your shoulders, pulling the same ring he gave you to fool the suit, the same tacky, pretty ring, the band was black and white, and resembled a snake, the gem was a brilliant green, your heart swelled at the sight of the ring.

The ghoul drops on one knee, and gently slides the ring onto your middle finger, pausing to kiss your hand before giving you wink, under different circumstances you would die from such a cheesy romantic gesture, but now was not that time, you did appreciate beetlejuice trying to lighten the mood.

"Alright honey, you remember the drill?"

"Yes"

"That's my future wife, let's not keep the bitch waiting" he smiles linking arms with you

Future wife...

You couldnt help but give the ghoul a soft smile at the thought.

Beetlejuice takes a deep breath, smoothing his hair back, wiping the purple away in favour of his default green.

The demon grabs your hand begins to lead you to your living room, you could barely focus over the sound of your heart pounding, who could blame you, you were about to come face to face with someone Beetlejuice was afraid of.

As the two of you head down the hall , she was finally in sight, you felt your stomach drop, in your recliner sat an old woman, dressed completely in red, she had a permanent scowl across her face, her whole presence give off a bad feeling.

"Lawrence, you took your sweet time fetching your fiance" she barked causing beetlejuice to flinch

"Ya know breathers, they like their sleep-" he forces a laugh, purple slowly creeping back into his hair

"Nonsense, it's nearly 6am, that's more then a reasonable time for breathers to wake and start their pointless routines" she waves off, beetlejuice frowns and leads you to the couch, where the both of you sit.

"Its been awhile huh Ma? Like I was saying earlier, it's nice to see you again and-" beetlejuice was babbling

"Zip it" was all she said and beetlejuice clamped his mouth shut and gazed down staring at his feet. "Lawrence, I didnt come here for pointless pleasantries" her eyes meet yours "y/n l/n I dont know what Lawrence has done to you or promised you, but I can assure you he doesnt care about you, and just wants freedom, further more Lawrence, do you honestly think this breather could love you? This game of yours needs to come to an end, there is alot of paper work tied up in this farce of yours"

You were taken back by her words, she really didn't beat around the bush.

"I dont-" you start, voice trembling

"Ma, y/n loves me and I love them, see~" beetlejuice grabs your hand to show his mother the ring, she eyes the ring for a moment, then goes bad to staring daggers into her son, her scowl never faltering.

"Tacky" she huffs, a simple response like that was enough to shut her son down, beetlejuice pulled away from you, pressing his back firm against the couch, lips pressed shut and hands clamped together in his lap.

"As I was saying, Lawrence is a natural born troublemaker, and youd be smart to back out of this farce before he gains life, knocks you up with a life ruining disappointment, and vanishes from your life" she droned as she lights a cigarette, taking a deep inhale, smoke shooting out from her neck.

You swallow hard.

"I would prefer if you didnt smoke in my house, ma'am"

Juno stares at you for a moment, then shakes her head as she puts out her cigarette on your coffee table.

"Ma'am I really do trust beetlejuice, and I love him, this isnt a farce-" you began, but your words were ignored

"If you want to throw yourself into a mess, I wont stop you, I'm not here to save you, but I have to applaud his efforts on tricking someone LEGAL this time for his little game. Even though this mess of yours is going to keep him out of my way for awhile, it doesn't cover the fact that Lawrence's efforts have caused my office nothing but work. And even if this "love" was real the boy ruins everything thing he touches, cant do anything right, having him around only causes headaches, you'll see soon enough y/n," Juno's hurtful words drone on, as if her son wasnt sitting across the table from her.

"Back to the matter, even if you do choose to marry this fool, I wanted to warn you about the mess your getting yourself into, giving him life would only cause you grief, and I dont want to hear it when you get to the netherworld after a suicide his actions caused"

You grit your teeth at that last remark, you knew juno thought poorly of beetlejuice, but did she honestly thing her son was so awful that youd kill yourself over his actions, you felt like you were going to be sick.

"Lawrence, why is your hair purple?"

You glance over to beetlejuice, who infact was completely purple, the deepest purple you've ever seen him wear.

Beetlejuice bites down on his lip, his hands clenched in fists as they sat on his thighs, he was frozen.

"Bee?" You gently whisper as you slowly place a hand on his, the ghoul flinches at your touch, beetlejuice slowly takes your hand in his and gives it a light squeeze.

"Come on Ma, y/n my be dramatic, and get mad at me from time to time, but they'd never kill themselves over anything dumb I'd do, and hell we already talked it over, we dont want kids" the ghoul leans into you for support.

Juno scowls "to remind you both, I'm not here to stop you two, the only thing I'm here for is to warn this foolish breather, and double check to make sure YOU arent mucking about and blackmailing the living again, there is a lot of paper work involved in this little game of yours, and you still havent delt with the paper work of your failed marriage and death by the hands of that poor child you tricked" her eyes narrow down to beetlejuice, juno pauses, then sighs

"Lawrence just come clean, this little game of yours has gone on long enough, even if you didnt blackmail this poor soul into marrying you, do you honestly think they love you? You dont actually think this breather wants you around do you?"

"That's not true, I do-"

You werent able to finish that sentence, with a snap of juno's fingers your mouth is now cover with a strip of duct tape.

"You've honestly fooled yourself into thinking you could be loved didnt you? Pitiful, maybe this breather found you amusing now, but you dont think it's going to last do you?" Her questioning goes on, she was convinced her son was unlovable, you tug away at the duct tape but it refuses to budge, beetlejuice was too focused on his mother's words, to the point where he was starting to believe her, the purple slowly faded from him in favour of white, a color you've never seen on him.

"Lawrence you're little game is over, and you're going to clean up the mess you made, I have a decade's worth of paper work for you to fill out over this farce and every other little issue you caused, I knew from the start this was fake, no living person in their right mind would let you into their life willingly"

A decade's worth of paper work?! Was that so important that she was willing to manipulate her own son into thinking he was worthless?

"Lawrence you are such a screw up, the amount of work your little games keep giving me is coming to an end, you will never be alive, you will never be loved, let alone tolerated, and you are coming back to my office to straighten up ever little issue you have caused, if you think being invisible for a millennia is bad-" she raises her voice with each hateful word.

This duct tape wasnt going to budge, so you went with plan B, you roughly bump into the demon's side to get his attention, beetlejuice looking your way, your eyes grow wide at his expression, he was crying, black gooey tears. The two of you stare at each other what felt like an eternity, Juno's voice no longer reached him, beetlejuice snaps his fingers and the duct tape vanishes from your mouth.

You jump up from you position on the couch "I'm sorry ma'am  but bee- Lawrence isnt worthless, and yes, he can be an ass, and insensitive at times, but I love him and I really do want to marry him! And whatever stupid paper work that is tied up in this, can just fuck off..." your voice tweaks as the ghoulish women sitting across from you stands up, eyes dead set on you.

You werent great with confrontation, and beej knew this, but here you were talking back to his mother, you  his tiny sweet breather talking back to a literal monster. The white from Beetlejuice's hair quickly left in replacement to pink 'I really do want to marry him!' Those words from your lips could have made his heart start beating , tho that was shortly lived when he saw this mother stand, purple took hold of his form once again.

He couldnt let you fight his mistakes alone, though he found it hot that you could be his knight in shining armor.

No, beetlejuice is quick to jump up and link his arm with yours "see ma, this little breather stole my heart, and hell, we've been planning our little wedding for months" beetlejuice snaps his fingers and in a flash his and yours clothes change. Beetlejuice wore a red tux made with crushed velvet, with a lacy front, his whole outfit screamed tacky, but that was him. Looking down at your self, you stifle a laugh, here you were, 6:30am, dressed in a red puffy lacing monster of a dress, in all honesty this wouldnt be your first choice, but now was not that time. Beetlejuice pulls you close, you could swear he could hear how hard your heart was pounding, could you blame yourself? He looked so handsome all dressed up, even if this was fake.

"My, my Lawrence, doesnt that dress look familiar, isnt that the dress you forced that poor child to wear the last time you played this game?" his mother sneers

"Its called a call back, and y/n loves it" he sneers back you nodded in agreement, beetlejuice continues "we're still working on a venue, trying to find a band, believe me, planning a wedding is exhausting, and oh! dont be surprised if your invite gets lost in the mail ma" the demon gives a shit eating grin, you smile seeing beetlejuice has gained SOME confidence back.

"I have no interest in attending your little wedding Lawrence" she spat "it's clear you're not going to budge, and still refusing to take responsibility for your actions, you always were a slacker, and if that's the case, once you die again you will be returning to my office to deal with the mess you made" her focus turns to you "or I could end this little charade by killing your ticket to life"

Your heart stops at her words, she was a demon, Beetlejuice's grip tightens on you, the silence must have been hurting him as much as it did you.

"But I wont, itd be too much a hassle ending a life before it's time"

You sigh in relief, and beetlejuice loosens his grip.

"This will end poorly for the two of you, and I dont want to hear it" juno walks past the two of you, and with a gesture of her hand the livingroom wall opens up to reveal an office full of the dead.

"Lawrence before you join the living I need to deal with one last errand, so I will see you later, and you" Juno's boney finger points to you "you have no idea what you've signed up for" and with that she was gone, the wall closes up as if nothing happened, the two of you collapse on the floor

"Shes gone" you sigh, you've never been more scared in you entire life then you were talking to Juno

"So you like your future mother in law?" Beej jabs you side

"Oh yeah, a delight" you snort, "how long do you think we have before she notices we havent gotten married?" You tone shifts to a more serious note

"No clue, guess you'll actually need to marry me now" he pulls you into a side hug

"What?" You stammer, beetlejuice laughs at your response

"HA! Just pulling your chain there doll, theres no way in hell she's coming back to check, if I know that Bitch shes going to file away those papers for me, there's no way she'll let them just sit there for who knows how long, and this time next week she'll be harping about something else" beetlejuice stands up and pulls you up with him as he sees you struggling to move in that dress, as you raise to your feet you mumble a thanks.

"You know beej, you really do clean up good, I mean, you look very handsome all dressed up" you smile, now that that two of you were safe, you felt it was the right time to say it.

The purple in the ghoul's hair quickly vanishes at your kind words and is replaced with pink.

"Well you know doll, the tux suits me, but it looks even better on the floor, you'll see on our honeymoon~"

"Is that so?"

"Dont believe me? I'll show ya right now baby~" the ghoul pulls you close pressing his chest against yours, as fun as this little exchange was it came to a halt when you yawned.

"What a way to start a weekend, early and terrified, I think I'm gonna get a few more hours of sleep" you grumbled rubbing your eye "you mind helping me out of this dress?" Beetlejuice goes wide eyed at your question, in a flash his hands were groping for the zipper on your back.

"Naughty minx" he purrs before you swat his hands away

"I ment with magic" you breath out, you may be tired, but your genitals were now wide awake.

Beetlejuice grumbles as he snaps his fingers bringing you back into your pajamas and him in his suit.

"Thank you, I guess this wouldnt be good night, see you in a bit" you shrug as you head to your bedroom to get a few more hours of sleep, you glance back at beetlejuice, who was purple once again, you frown

"Beej do you want to sleep with me? I mean you dont need to sleep, I just thought maybe, you wouldnt want to be alone right now?" After seeing his mother maybe he could use some comfort.

There was a long silence as the demon only stares back at you, you panic

"I'm sorry, that was stupid, I'll just, uh, see you in-" you babble as you spin in your heels eager to get away from this embarrassing situation. Before you could hide away in your bedroom you feel the dicey grip if the demon's hand on your shoulder, and in a deep gravely voice he purrs

"Isn't it normal for a husband and wife to sleep together?~" 

you honestly felt a shiver run up your spine.

The ghoul, now only in a pair of boxers has now cuddled up to you  his legs intertwined with yours, his arms wrapped around your waist, hand rubbing up and down your back, and head nuzzled into your chest, the demon now pink, purred feeling your hands scratching his scalp, his mother was wrong, you did love him, truly and unconditionally, maybe not now, but soon, he will marry you.

Bonus

It's been days since you met his mother, and it seems like beetlejuice has been back to stop caring about it, but sometimes you see him just staring off into space.

The ghoul had only one thing on his mind, replaying the memory over and over, of you shouting "I REALLY DO WANT TO MARRY HIM!"

[chihirolovebot]

:0 for the ask game, danganronpa and kokichi? <3

danganronpa:

favourite character: i fear it may be kokichi. him or byakuya or fuyuhiko.

least favorite character: hmm probably korekiyo or teruteru.

5 favourite ships (canon or non-canon): sondam!!!, komahina, saiouma, soapies, naegami.

character i find most attractive: eats drywall. gundham.

character i would marry: probably hajime, chihiro or shuichi.

character i would be best friends with: KIIBO oh my god please. also sonia.

a random thought: i can no longer think critically abt this series i lose braincells.

an unpopular opinion: i despise korekiyo and kazuichi.

my canon otp: there r like. no canon ships really. i think the only actually canon ones are kaimaki and naegiri? i prefer naegiri out of those two.

my non-canon otp: see literally all my favourite ships.

most badass character: hnnghfh i fear it has to be junko.

most epic villain: again. junko. izuru is a very close second.

pairing i am not a fan of: i think sounia is gross personally and i also dont get the appeal of soudam.

character i feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): hm. definitely taka. the way he wasn't even allowed to mourn mondo properly and his grief was turned into a joke was a little sickening.

favourite friendship: naegamigiri <333

character i most identify with: shuichi and chiaki :o

character i wish i could be: OH. gundham he is so cool and hot and cool.

kokichi:

how i feel about this character: my Baby boy. i love him so much. i think he is ismply the best thing to come out of v3 and the best antag (controversial arc???)

any/all the people i ship romantically with this character: shuichi and kiibo (and chihiro but. u guys arent ready for that. ur third eyes r closed i fear).

my favourite non-romantic relationship for this character: him kiibo and miu!!!! or just him and miu. also him and gonta <33

my unpopular opinion about this character: most misunderstood dr character by far.

nne thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: from my understanding the localisation of the game took away some aspects of his childishness and made him appear more evil and fucked up? not cool. let him be a mischievous kid >:(

my crossover ship: chiouma babeyyyy they r so real and cnaon.

[prinzessinpluto]

I mean if youlook at this this way, Jonathan had to go through his parents divorce, had to help her mum raise Will and then had to help her mum with grief in season one while grieving himself and then his younger brother who he loved dearly was possessed and then when things were going back to normal, he had a girlfriend he loved, a job he liked, his girlfriend got him fired from his job (I might be wrong here) that he needed to support his mum and all those things started happening again

And now he just feels like he needs to be there to protect his brother and his mum who tbh doesn't give two shits about him and he just doesn't know what to do

Also yes, Will is so in love with Mike it's painful

But also I don't think Mike is such a good boyfriend, I mean he tries that's for sure, but he can't say he loves El and didn't realise she was lying

Idk maybe it's just my Byler brain, but I don't like their relationship

Like El learned how to make out before she learned how to write and I think that's sad and that she doesn't really love Mike romantically as well, he's just familiar, he's always been there for her and she wants things to go back to normal

ALSO GIVE WILL A BREAK (and a boyfriend... and someone to play d&d with)

Also I need more Will/El scenes like I want that sibling energy pls and thank you

Also I don't really like Nancy, never quite liked her tbh, but now she's just annoying 🙄

alright, maybe i should give jonny Boy another Chance. he just seems so useless most the time idk idk

mike is so cute!! and honestly I don't know what more anyone could expect from him at this point, other than just doing his best. he really cares about el and tries to understand her point of view and for every problem or fight he's had, he always tried to talk it out and work things out and I think that's super impressive.

I think for their relationship problems in s4, a lot of it comes from them being long-distance which obviously can put a strain on any relationship. especially back then when keeping in touch was a lot harder. its normal for him to not feel as close to her as before and if he didnt feel comfortable saying I Love You I really cant blame him. he still obviously wanted to see her and enjoyed spending time with her.

but then again, they are teenagers and this is their first relationship, so of course I cant really expect them to work it out super maturely because they're just not mature yet. and emotions arent rational.

all this to say I think Mike is a Great Boyfriend. he tries his best and that's all I ask for.

tbh I'm getting kinda tired of all the relationships in st anyways lol none of them feel quite right for some reason. but that might just be a me not valuing romantic relationships all that much-problem lmao

I really really hope that Nancy breaks up with whoever shes dating right now (I honestly forgot, is it still jonathan?) and just be single and maybe even flirt with robin a bit. because neither steve nor Jonathan are really working out for her.

BUT I would really like to see her and mike interact more!!!!!!!! let mike see how much his big sister cares for him and how fierce her love is, please!!!

I rly like nancy actually bc of how strong she is. she knows firsthand how unfair the world is and how much it likes to kick those that are down and shes decided to spit it in the face and fucking do it anyways. shes annoying because you know she wont stray from her beliefs easily and will absolutely fight you if she thinks you're in the wrong.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se03. ep 6.(Part 1)

The main female protagonist who, has been the “mother /psychiatrist/ fixer/curse-breaker” for 57 eps & 2 seasons, has finally had her own “I’m a real person with my own issues” ep !!!! YESS! So happy!!! also, so underwhelmed. Tohru has been painted to be this utterly selfless & altruistic character for long, that when she’s finally a balanced character it’s presented in half an episode? Don’t get me wrong, I like the ep, but there’s also the same feeling of bullet train that I felt in momiji’s ep! ugh!! I hated that feeling! Go away~ oh well.. I’ll quickly state what I didn’t like, before jumping into what I liked, in order to end with a happier note~

What I didn’t like:

Tohru’s monologue after leaving shigure & Isuzu felt more like a background exposition more than a true character’s thoughts. The reason is that It is quickly narrated with quick flashbacks from the past with intentional pieces missing from the flashback. Pieces like” how did Kyoko hurt tohru? She said to kyo, in se02, ep “ I feel like I’ve only caused her sadness” &  tohru’s flashbacks in se02 of her mother leaving/ closing a door. All these things not included in tohru’s 1st ever personal monologue made it seem like quick fill in for the audience more than tohru’s main struggle. Compare it to Yuki’s 3 ep monologue in se02, filled with all his own background info, hence, we as audience sit back & just feel. With tohru a little brain work is needed of putting things together in the puzzle is needed because NOTHING abt her trauma has ever been explained to us prior to her monologue . Also, compare this kyo. A character who ONLY have 2 eps dedicated to him in 57 eps, yet even without monologues & with hidden secrets for climax purposes, his emotions are clear cuz his background was explained early in se01, ep24 & se02, ep9. Compared to them both, her monologue felt a bit lacking.

What’s up with the following scene? Her crying & kyo comforting her mid-street. He saw her crying, asked what’s wrong & she couldn’t say & he gave her a comforting advice. All good. Kyo always give the most needed advice for tohru to be herself & feel comforted. Se01, “complain more, be selfish” Se02, somen table scene & asking her abt her future plans & the hiro incident. Kyo has tried to guess whats wrong first. Here he saw her cry in the middle of the street & just gave her an advice? couldn’t he at least guess wrongly if it is her granpa? school? anything? This scene is AMAZING but it feels off a little.

Kyo’s “ now I remember” EXCUSE ME?????? se01, ep14, valentine ep, he got a nightmare, then when shigure talked to him, we saw a quick flashback that we didn’t now what it is but now it IS kyoko. se02, the entirety of ep9 & the “ I won’t forgive you” & the flashback of young him with kyoko talking abt tohru. se02, ep 22 his fight with yuki & the clear face of kyoko telling him abt something regarding the hat. His entire shutdown of tohru IS abt kyoko NOT abt him being a monster cuz tohru accepted monster kyo in se01 ep 24! so.. REMEMBER WHAT????? the accident?? I feel like being hit with a rock. I mean, it makes sense that kyo will get PTSD after seeing the hat, cuz he remembers the bloody accident vividly. But it is the dialogue that IS weird. “ I remember” ?? it makes no sense? unless it is another hidden secret & will be revealed later. If so, then forget this point.

Kagura (more on her below). Now, let’s talk abt what I liked!

-Grief (the most difficult theme to express in literature): Excellent writing!

Grief is one of the most diverse human emotions. ppl who grief a loved one either erase everything abt them in order to cope with the pain of loss & live on, or drastically engrave everything, not want any memory to slip away, or hold the deceased on a pedestal, or hate them irrationally in order to forget abt them, some deny that the loved one is gone, others talk to them daily, some act & live normally for years & suddenly it hits them that this loved person is truly gone & they breakdown. Others, direct their disbelief of losing a precious one into the envy that other bad ppl are still living, why my precious one is dead?. Thats why, it is a difficulty emotion to understand by others. Ppl watching you will always think that comforting you is enough & that the longer you take, the more impatient they are with you. Tell me, watching tohru this ep, didn’t you feel that:

Come on. tohru, you can love your mom & kyo! who says only ONE person can be your precious?

Umm, why she cries for her mom NOW? 2 years after her death? Is she over it already?

Tohru~~ your mom aint going no where cuz you loved a guy? she’s in your heart, girl. Ugh!

Compared to yuki who was abused by his parents & kyo whose mom commit suicide in front of him, tohru’s trauma is meh~

Feeling this way abt tohru is exactly how many feel abt ppl struggling with grief. You are NOT a bad person if you felt this way. It means that thankfully you weren’t struck by grief to tohru’s extent or that your grief went about differently than tohru. Grief is a crippling feeling. It is valid, strong, overwhelming, paralyzing & above all very unique to the person themselves. Tohru feeling that her mom is slipping away from her memory is so realistic & utterly heartbreaking. Grief hurts & moving on from grief hurts more!!!! The more you go on & live your life, the more you feel like you betray your loved one.

Tohru’s entire existence is for her mother & so her mother LIVES inside her:

Finishing high school cuz it’s her mother’s request.

Getting a job to sustain herself cuz she has no one to support her financially.

Giving her mom’s wisdom & teachings abt life to others.

imitating her dad’s speaking style to prevent her mom from “leaving”.

Being the perfect girl in order to portray that her mom, who is a gangster & is hinted by the ugly relatives to be unfaithful to her husband due to tohru not taking after her dad, actually raised a respectful girl!

Talking to a dead cold lifeless picture as if it is a living human being & going into panic attacks when she looses such pictures.

Suppressing all her true “ ugly, negative” emotions & only giving the fake smiles & positive attitude.

She fears that ppl will leave her if she isn’t “comforting, happy”, hence, the whole facade of “ i’m okay, I’m okay”.

Immersing her self in ppl’s issues so she won’t face her own feelings of utter loneliness, fear of the future, & being left behind when everybody moves on with their lives.

Thinking that having selfish desires contradicts the “ hopeful, kind” girl images, hence, the fear to actually wants sth for herself. Everything HAS TO BE for the sake of the others.

Tohru is deeply traumatized & her complex, unhealthy but extremely realistic attachment to her mom must be broken. Tohru must learn to LET GO.

-Kagura’s character’s assassination. aka (violence heals y’all!)

The show wanted to express the emotion that kagura is still in love with kyo, but is learning to let go & accepting kyo/tohru love. I love that. Her speech with kazuma abt not being able to face tohru cuz her face will show her emotions is so relatable & it hit ME personally. Loved that. Then, she learns that tohru truly loves kyo & should confess to him not talk to Isuzu & I get that, it make sense that she lashes on thru & teach her the value of being open abt your feelings & dont loose him. all cool & understandable. BUT:

How dare you slap tohru like that? you don’t know what she’s going through? tohru is wearing funeral clothes for God’s sake! she just visited her dead mom, you insensitive woman! How dare you assume that all tohru is struggling with is love love, romance romance yay~ confess, kiss, be happy?

Tohru & kyo’s issues are deeper than typical, normal, shallow shojo love. It is related to child trauma & abuse. To their own individual identity & self-image! Their romantic love is meant to guide them towards better choices for the future, not magically heal everything. Their mutual love is NOT the answer to their issues.

How dare you slap someone to make them go back to their senses? this is such an anime move! ugh!~ it cheapens the emotional weight of character’s emotions.

“ I’m not apologizing to tohru. We communicate thro fists” excuse me?  you arent even communicating with kyo thro fists! he sees you & run! the only time he thanked you for, was when you didn’t “ communicate thro fists” & played with him as a child! Not only make her hit tohru but not apologize??

No one told her off? are you foreal?? Isuzu pouting lips is no match for Isuzu powerful emotions when she’s embarrassed, & kazuma! where you at? Happy at the “ open confrontation”? Why do you kill kagura’s character like that?

Side Notes:

I hate how this went by in half an ep like they did with machi!! tohru is THE main character for God’s sake! But it looks like the show is not so fond of the true tohru who wants stuff & screams & talks to herself, alas she isn’t the angelic, innocent girl that is saturating the heck out of all shojo amines. Oh well~ perhaps tohru’s issues will be visited again in the finale?

Kyo gets PTSD reaction in front of tohru. great. Now what’s next? I won’t ever forgive the anime if next ep, kyo & tohru are all normal or worse the episodic theme prevents the continuation & jumps elsewhere. Nearly all the eps that didn’t end with a happy note, started the next ep somewhere & totally forgot the cliff hanger. such as, Isuzu’s ep in se02, it ended with tohru’s nightmare & next ep started yuki’s issues with tohru all smiley & bright. Another example, the Cinderella play ended with kyo/tohru torn symbolism where each is awkward with the other, next ep machi !!!!!! & kyo/ tohru all normal in kazuma’s house. But this time, it will be an epic mistake to do the same. Kyo going full traumatic in front of tohru to the point of her screaming is not sth you skip & start over erasing. Don’t disappoint me show! you can’t screw that, can you?

I love the symbolism of kyoko disappearing from the picture & the crack of her framed pic at the end with it still continued in he ED. Good job.

They are building for a hug clashing scene between kyo & tohtu. it must hurt. It is designed to hurt. I wanted it to hurt. It is not abt romance. It is abt mental & emotional trauma. I’m excited. But I’m scared. After today’s ep, I can confidently say I don’t trust the director. I’m an anime-only, but tohru’s part in the story is the least touched upon, the quickest to get over with & has the wackiest animation. They just don’t know how to depict an emotional tohru~ sigh~

Tohru is written to be a unique protagonist in the sea of innocent, selfless & always happy shojo heroine & opposed to the badass, physically strong female protag in shonen. She is the most realistic, but so much of her potential is wasted so far~~

“ saving the sohma’s. breaking the curse for others is a lie, in reality I wanted to do it for kyo” This line is supposed to be liberating for tohru cuz for once she is putting herself FIRST! It is not abt kyo. It is abt herself! it is cuz SHE wants him. See the difference? See how this line gives tohru the biggest character development!! but still sth is missing. I duno..

I have lots to say abt tohru, kyo, shigure, the grandpa, kyoko, Isuzu & even kazuma! I’ll do that in part 2.

I still liked the ep tho. It is solid. I”ll like it MORE if they continued from here & didn’t cut it cold.

[teeforhee]

okay just had. a realisation about part of why I think uprising was so bad. they had a larger cast but they had wayyy less thematic meaning.

like, I tried to make a list of the important characters in PR and it's just Raleigh, Mako, Pentecost, Chuck + Herc, Newt + Hermann. You can also include Tendo, Chau, the Wei Tang brothers, and the Kaidonovskys if you want (and we do because we love them, Chau's on thin fucking ice but ' Frankenstein and the newt' warmed me to him), but that's it. and with those characters we have this beautiful and compelling narrative about grief and loss and the power of love (not just romantic love!). We have Herc and Chuck and Max and how they show the love to Max that they can't show to eachother, we have Stacker and Mako as a beautiful and tragic father/daughter dynamic, we have Raleigh and his loss and Mako and her loss and we have Newt and Hermann as comic reliefs but also as another power-of-love (plus bravery and teamwork) story within this larger power-of-love (plus bravery and teamwork) story with an added 'importance of curiosity and science and information' aspect. We have the Wei Tang brothers and the Kaidonovskys as more holders-on, the last few Jaeger pilots trying desperately to defend a world that does not believe in them, does not make space for them anymore, who are no longer rockstars but arent doing this to be rockstars, the resistance and they are symbols of resilience and sacrifice and duty, as real human people who's faces we see and who we don't see directly die (they aren't used as suffering porn, they are people) but who we loose in this war. We have Tendo, face of the hundreds of people working in the Shatterdome doing the non-sexy jobs that still need to be done, who is also a funny and kind person with a deeper personal life that we don't see much of but we know it's there. It's a very small cast but everyone is there for a reason and they are all so detailed and their places in the narrative are all essential. You remove any one of them and it's kind of hollow. This is an example of a story stripped down to its bones (with just enough meat to still be enjoyable) and it is wonderful.

Then fucking uprising. We have so many more characters. Newt and Hermann are still here, we have Mako, and Jake, and Nate, and Amara and Victoria and all their friends, and we have the woman in the love triangle with Jake and Nate (I do not remember her name at all) and we have Shao. All of Amara's friends serve the same purpose and we don't have enough time (because of this films absolutely terrible tone and pacing problem, holy shit) to properly distinguish them beyond single traits (Victoria gets a little more, but barely) so it's Amara and the Nice Boy and the Nervous Boy and Victoria, and then Jake and Nate we're going for 'troubled good guy who pretends to be selfish because of a sad backstory' and 'sad asshole with a heart of gold' and they just. don't go any deeper. Jake feels a bit deeper because we know Pentecost and we know Mako but like... we don't get anything more than 'troubled good guy' in the actual film. And it's just... the themes are so much more garbled in this film in general, maybe I just missed it because I was so distracted by the Tone And Pacing Problems, (and the dialogue, good fucking gd the dialogue is atrocious) but the ways these characters tie into/symbolise/contribute to the themes of this film? I honestly don't know. the woman in the love triangle is a nothing character. Shao has some depth which is nice, mostly because she was set up as a villain and that turning out to be false naturally adds depth to her on a rewatch or if you go in knowing that the villain is Evil Noot. This movie is so much military propaganda it forgot to have other themes I think. so every character is either 'not in military = bad/misguided' or 'in military = good/well intentioned'. I cannot come up with any ways these characters add actual meaning other than Jake and Amara who have a pretty cookie-cutter 'be brave' story. Correct me if I'm missing something though, please, I've only seen this all the way through once a couple years ago and 3/4 of the way through last week.

in conclusion uprising is a bad movie which doesn't know how to use its characters to further it's narrative or to reflect/deepen it's themes.

[sleevesareforlosers]

and now my headcanon questions: 1. you've probs talked about this before but in ur long term post-canon (like. snapshot of these guys as Real Adults 10+ years later ) what are vaya and vamos' average days like? 2. do u have any platonic vamos & vinyl headcanons?, and 3. do u have any val/volume/vinyl relationship headcanons? sorry those last two are so open ended I'm just thinking about them ❤️

oh!!!! okay okay okay i love these (and god. i talk so much whoops)

1. vaya ten years down the road still lives in the RadioShack (docs old station) but kind of splits nights between there and xyr girlfriend's place (blessed helen, milf, oc that @dangerdaysofficial and i share). if xes at the shack xe gets woken up by xyr cat(s) and if xes at helens they get woken up by helens kids. xe does broadcasts from the shack mostly but if theres an event happening in the zones (concert, sports game, derby, etc) then xe has a portable station in docs van and goes to them. so yeah xe mostly hangs out, does broadcasts/traffic reports when they happen (much rarer now that like. they arent at war sdkfjs), bugs val and vinyl, xe 'helps' helen in her garden by sitting around and looking pretty and spraying her with a hose when she isnt looking. vayas life postcanon is very much learning how to put down roots and be open and connected with the world around xem

vamos ten years down the road is living in the city, has like. two or three therapy appts a year bc theyve done the Real heavy lifting with like trauma/grief/codependency so now they only have to go when their SAD is acting up or like, yknow, life stresses make things tough. they i think run a like, free store yknow? and it also functions a bit as the nest did in terms of being open housing, a place for people to hang out, vamos loves people and loves helping people so living somewhere thats like, the-nest-but-not-so-destructive is really really good for them. and its very chill as well they get to sleep in and run around the city for fun and host big like. community dinners whenever they want to and ofc they go out of the zones at least once a week to visit vaya and val and vinyl. sometimes the rest of the v's (they still call themselves that but its more of an honorary thing yknow?) come in to visit but vaya is Busy still and going to the city is still kinda hard on vinyl so thats less often. which is ok! vamos does love the zones still they just went to the city to get like. therapy very soon after them n val and vinyl got back from their postcomics roadtrip and by the time theywere like. feeling stable enough to not need super frequent appts and checkups they had roots down in the city and didnt Want to leave. vamos' life postcanon is less about putting down roots and more about finding the balance between independence and community that was hard for them to get while being like. hunted for being a killjoy

2. i have a few but theyre not serious theyre just like. i like rotating them in my mind. vinyl is the only v that Actually knows how to change a lightbulb but vamos is the one that always does it bc vinyl likes to sit back and laugh while vamos climbs up on whoevers shoulders to try and fix things. vamos had been dying their hair before joining the vs ofc but vinyl was the one to suggest that they try pink. they cuddle so much!!! like vamos is already a v physically affectionate person but vinyl LOVES to curl up with them, theyll nap together on couches a lot. also as the two v's that val was most uh. lenient (? chill) with, theyll team up to tease him every now and then (moreso postcanon for obvious reasons) which sometimes looks like vamos putting on what they imagine vinyl's voice would sound like to read whatever he's written in his notebook and sometimes looks like the two of them passing notes and giggling like schoolchildren, tossing the book back and forth over vals head when he tries to grab it, etc. bastards <3 it was vinyls idea for vamos to come on the postcomics roadtrip

3. hm. not romantic hcs but friendship ones for sure!! they were the v's before vaya and vamos joined so there was i think abt two years when it was just the three of them running around, eventually moving into and kinda taking over the nest. volume and val could fight a lot and sometimes vinyl would smack a little sense into them and sometimes hed leave them to work it out but like. most of the time they Did all get along super well (crews love each other!!!) and i mean. sharing beds sharing clothes (val n volume are the same size for binders) making each other food "hey volume i stole u jewelry from the market" "oh val did you hear about the loretta show in zone three i think youd have fun, we should go" "vinyl im doing laundry do you want me to patch up your jumpsuit i know the knees are wearing through" like!!! even if they were bad at um. words and obvious shows of affection or acting like they liked each other sometimes they loved and knew each other really really well and it was obvious in the little things

[narrie]

nfkdnfkf wait i just read all of it, i KNOW you can write songs that arent about love, but my question was more directed at which artist writes an entire ALBUM thats not about (romantic) love/lust? Like is there any? There might be a one song or even a few about other things obvi, but most albums are about (romantic) love, like thats their main inspiration which i get it i guess, not defending or hating love songs but i think thats the norm, it was more of an observation lol. I get now that you were saying you want him to write songs that are not about romantic love which yes plz

see, my thing is that hbw is 10000% a song about romance/lust: it's a love album, it's a breakup album - that's how one would define it but let's take hs1 for example, would u say hs1 is a love album? yes romance and lust are reoccurring topics but i personally wouldn't define the whole album by that bc there are other concepts as well (sweet creature most likely about gemma, esyn as a song about grief, sott about? a mother giving birth and talking to her newborn before she passes away bc of birth complications???), so that's what i'm talking about. i'm def not expecting him to not write about love at ALL (especially bc he's kinda made it his brand) but i just would like to hear smth different in any capacity, preferably an album that isn't DOMINATED by (romantic) love songs - as i said, there are so many other aspects he could be writing love songs about. i just think with flicker and especially with hbw he's done the whole romance thing from a-z and if we take ur argument that most albums are about romantic love into regard then i think that's even more an argument for going a different route tbh? like he could try to connect with listeners on more than one level, i'd really love to hear it bc i know that he's def got it in him and just writing about one certain topic is soooo limiting!

[hipstersbleedroses]

it’s been about 2 months since i’ve started to come to terms with being ace and now that I’ve been through the stages of grief, honestly, it feels so liberating. i dont need to look for romantic or other feelings where there arent any, I don’t need to ‘just get over myself’, no ‘i can’t put this off forever’. it’s all good. i’m good.

[shadedrose01]

Teddy Bear Blues

Ship: Parkner (Harley Keener/Peter Parker)

Summary: Harley is grieving on the one year anniversary of his mother's death. Peter makes him a gift to help him feel better.

Tags: Febufluff, Day 16, teddy bear, Grief/Mourning, Mourning, Loss, Mentions of violence/character death but it's pretty vague, Harleys mom died, And hes grieving, Harley Keener Needs a Hug, Sad Harley Keener, peter Parker is a good boyfriend, and tries his best to help, Tony is here too, but barely, Established Relationship, Love

Day 16 of Febufluff: "Teddy Bear"! (From the romantic/ original list)

Note: read the tags. This fic deals with grief, and the aftermath of the loss of a loved one. It isnt extremely detailed, but it's in the majority of this fic. If that's not your speed, or if that hits a little too close to home, then please don't read. Be safe, take care, I love you all ❤

--

It happens gradually, as grief usually does. It starts with Harley going out less, making more excuses as to why he has to stay home, whether it be homework or studying, or that he's "just tired" and needs to rest. Then, it's losing energy, losing interest in things he used to love, not getting as excited at the idea of a new game being announced, not enjoying the annual movie/board game nights with the Avengers as he used to, not making snarky responses and witty one liners, not seeming as upbeat, as happy as he used to.

And now, Peter notes as he watches Harley swirl around his cereal with his spoon, head bowed, bags under his eyes and an expressionless, tired look on his face, its lack of appetite, and lack of sleep. Of feeling hungry, but not being able to stomach more than a few bites. Of not having nightmares, of being tired, exhausted even, and still not being able to fall asleep.

He had been doing much better with the sadness, with the overwhelming grief these past few months, had almost gotten back to being himself again, before this new milestone had hit, sucking all of the life right back out of him and leaving him as a quiet, lifeless corpse. The first year. The first anniversary of his mother's death, of her being gone from his life. Peter remembers it well, remembers how he felt with his parents, with Uncle Ben, and feels a pang almost like a knife carve into his chest, into his heart, wonders what he can do to ease the terrible ache he knows Harley is feeling.

He knows there isnt much he can do, besides be there by his side and comfort him however he can, but that doesn't feel like enough. He can't just sit there and watch his boyfriend recluse into himself and be in all this pain without doing anything, without doing more.

So, once Harley finally gives up, pushing away his bowl and mumbling about getting ready for school, walking back to his room with his shoulders slumped, head down, looking so unbelievably sad that it makes Peter's heart break, he starts to think. Thinks back to the first year after Ben, what he felt, what he wanted. Remembers laying in bed all day, sobbing his eyes out, feeling so unbelievably guilting, just wanting him back. Wanting to smell his smell, feel his hugs, his kisses, wanting to hear his voice one last time...

Wait. Peter sits up straight, eyes widening as an idea sparks in his mind. Maybe, maybe he could work with that. He shoots out of the chair, heading straight to the lab. He remembers a while ago, when working in the lab, Harley randomly mentioned that he kept a few home videos in there, in the closet, and watched them occasionally on the good days, on reminiscence on the good times his family had before everything happened. And he remembers one day, a few months after him and Harley started dating, when he got the honor to watch one with Harley, remembers the stereotypical baby in the bathtub video, remembers Harleys adorably chubby cheeks, remembers what his mom said at the end of the video, right before it clicks off into black.

He searches in the closet, quickly finding the box of tapes before pulling out what he thinks is the right one, before putting into the player he digged out a few minutes earlier. He fast forward through the adorableness, a man on a mission, before playing it at normal speed right at the end, right as Harleys mothers voice, soft and warm and sweet, says the exact words he remembered. Perfect, its perfect. He takes the tape back out of the player, and brings it over to his workstation, already scribbling out a blue print for his idea.

--

Peter wakes up a few days later, feeling uneasy, a heaviness in the air as soon as he opens his eyes. He taps his phone to check the time, and sees the date, sighing long and low. November 16th. A whole year after the death of Macy Keener.

Peter and Harley werent really close when it happened, he had never even meet her, but he definitely remembers the day it happened. When Harley's phone rang out during their class, and he answered it with a grin, thinking nothing of it. When the grin fell off his face, slipping into shock, horrific shock and fear and agony, when tears filled and pooled over his eyes, ran down his cheeks. When he had placed a hand over his mouth and sobbed loudly, the horrible, awful, heartbreaking sound echoing in the classroom, the other students going silent as he ran out, Peter calling his name and running after him, worried sick. When Harley had babbled and cried and screeched into his shoulder, telling him that his mama had gotten into a bad car accident, that she had died, that "She's gone, Peter, she's gone, oh God-". When Tony had picked them both up, looking older than he had in a long, long time.

Peter shakes his thoughts away, trying to focus on the here and the now. He needs to be strong today, for Harley. He takes a deep breath, and forces himself out to bed, throwing on a random pair of pjs and a shirt, knowing that they arent going to be going anywhere today. He then makes his way to the kitchen, unsurprisingly seeing Mr. Stark making breakfast, flipping chocolate chip pancakes (Harley's favorite) before his gaze lands on the boy in question, his heart dropping when he does.

Harley is upright, sitting at one of the stoods at the island of the kitchen, but hes hunched over as if staying upright is just too much work, as if he has the world's weight on his shoulders, his hair a mess and his stormy sea eyes lined with red, blank, staring off into oblivion, cheeks already tear stained.

Peter let's out another soft sigh at the pitiful sight, sharing a sympathetic glance with Mr. Stark before walking quietly to his boyfriend, running a tender hand his tense back and shoulders, hugging him from behind and kissing the top of his bowed head, lingering, hopefully comforting. "Good morning, baby." He whispers into Harley's hair, rubbing his shoulders in firm, soothing circles, easing out the knots forming in his back.

"Morning." Is the soft, shaky response, Harley's voice drained of emotion, filled with exhaustion, with ache and loss. Tony looks surprised, like that's the first time Harley's spoken today. It probably was.

Peter places his chin on the top of his boyfriend's head, continuing his comforting motions as he murmurs gently "How are you feeling, love?"

He feels Harley swallow, before he's shaking his head and ducking out of Peter's grasp, putting his forehead against the granite and practically curling into a ball, looking smaller than he ever has as his entire body shutters with a silent sob. Peter blinks the tears out of his own eyes, before gently pulling the crumbling boy into his arms, placing his face into the crook of his neck and his arms around his waist, around his back. "Its okay, let it out, baby, its okay." He whispers over and over as he runs a hand up and down his back, as he feels a wet patch growing on his shirt collars, as Harley's sobs grow from silent to agonizingly loud, from sniffles and hicks, whimpers and wails, his body shuttering from the intensity of it all.

After a while, too long for Peter to keep count, the boy settles back down a bit, but doesnt let go, doesn't pull away, burying his face further into Peter's chest as he mumbles, voice thick with mucus, heavy with pain, "I miss her so much."

"I know, sweetheart, I know." Peter presses another light kiss to Harleys temple, squeezing his body as another shutter runs through him.

Harley's breath hicks, his eyes squeezing closed, another stray tear running down his face. "Does it ever get better? Does it ever- ever go away?"

Peter glances back up at Tony, who's dark brown eyes are sad, cloudy, full of empathy. "It does." The man says quietly, seriously. "The grief, the pain, it fades over time. You'll always feel it a bit, in your heart, but it does get better."

Peter nods to reaffirm his point, leaning the side of his head against Harleys. "The pain, the loss goes away, but the memories, the love, those don't. They always stay, right here," he presses a hand gently to Harleys chest, "and here." And then to his head, running his hand into the ryestalk strands, curling them around his fingers. "She'll always be with you, Harley. Always. And..." Peter swallows, suddenly feeling nervous, wondering if this was a good idea after all. "I got you something to help."

Harley pulls his head away and looks up at him, eyebrows furrowed slightly and blotchy face scrunched up in confusion. "You got me something?"

"Mhm," he nods again, easing Harley off of him and back into his chair as he stands, "wait here." He rushes back to his room, grabbing the gift he had finished last night. He runs a thumb over the soft brown plush of the teddy bear's belly, where the speaker was hidden, feeling nerves swirling up inside him. He just hopes that Harley likes it, and that it doesnt backfire, and make everything so much worse.

He carries it gently as he walks back to the kitchen, holding out to a now even more bewildered Harley. But theres a twitch of a smile on his lips, so he isn't against it yet, gazing at Peter curiously. "Squeeze it." Peter says simply, fidgeting with the stray strings on the ends of his shirt, praying this ends well.

Harley does as he's told, squeezing the bear in his hands, and immediately bursts into tears again when the soft voice of his mother comes through the speaker, full of an unspeakable, unbreakable love that only a mother could give, "I love you, sugarbear. I always will."

Peter panics, thinking the worst, starting to speak up with an "I'm- I'm sorry-" before he gets cut off by the boy rushing into his arms, hugging him tightly with a loud sob and a "thank you, thank you so much, I love you so- so much". Peter feels relief roll over him in waves, he didnt mess it up thank god, and hugs him back tightly, pressing another kiss to his boyfriend wet cheek and mumbling into his ear, soft and full of adoration, "I love you too. More than you'll ever know."

Things may not be truly okay, truly alright with Harley right now. They might not be for a long, long time, but that's fine. Because Peter will be here, by Harley's side, holding him close, kissing away his sorrow, for as long as he can. As long as Harley allows it, Peter will be by his side, no matter what.