#that and its fucking weird to act like ur experience is universal and everyone is just Lying about trying to work on their view of

[matoitech]

n i dont want to make assumptions abt ppl who make posts like that or whatever im not saying like oh these ppl r so fucking mean and just want to feel superior to other ppl cuz idk what is going on in their minds maybe thinking like that helps them make their own art but i do think its like a weird way to frame stuff and can be like legitimately fucking rude and strange  and unhelpful

[littlebabycrybtch]

bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality. 

humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.

i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person. 

‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !! 

to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !

[selfcareparker]

hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something�� okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

[tossertozier]

you mentioned possibly doing a ben or mike writing guide.. would you.. be willing to post a mike one. i'm plotting a fic and im struggling to get my mans down?? also i think abt ur fics weekly bare minimum.

hi there!!! i did my best. i tried to not sound preachy or like a know it all bc y’all know i can barely write. i hope this is helpful in some way!! disclaimer of of course this is all just my opinion & there’s no wrong way to write, you’re the only person who can tell your story!!

[[MORE]]

i think the first really important decision you have to make as Person Writing Mike is his

family & background

-are both of his parents alive?

-if yes, what’s their relationship like?

-if no, who’s his primary caretaker? what’s their relationship like?

-if no, when did they die? did he cope well with it? what’s his relationship with their memory like?

these are really really where you gotta start to write mike imo. or any character! i think one thing stephen king is to be admired for is he doesn’t neglect the parent-child relationship as so many people who write youth do. your parents are the most important people in your life for a long time. i don’t think there’s a wrong or ooc way to answer the above questions tbh. canon has really left a wide open field for you to run amuck in.

(example: i’ve mentioned in the past that my & tfat mike being a small adult is no mistake and intentional. it’s a bit of a throwaway scene, but i mention in on pointe that mike’s parents are coming. it’s intentionally done there too. mike is goofier, more outgoing, more immature in general in that fic in the small bits he’s in & that’s all a response to his familial life. )

culture + friendships

after you answer those questions, important follow up questions are:

-are the losers his first set of friends?

-how much social exposure has he had?

-has he dated? who is he attracted to?

-who influences him? (celebrities, family, culturally)

-what are his cultural interests? what does he do in his free time? how would that impact how he interacts with the rest of the world?

again, no wrong way to answer these. i’ve seen a super broad spectrum of indirect answers to these questions. even thinking about where he might pick up patterns of speech can make him feel much more like a realized character. i’ve noticed some people dip fully into aave to an extent that doesn’t even seem logical in their character’s current situation & it can really seem like a caricature, but i think to write mike without any sense of aave at all is a little ?? too. just be cognizant of it is my only real advice here. it doesn’t so much matter as long as you don’t forget who mike is which next point

humor & personality

-what do you think he would find (shows, comedians, youtube videos) really funny?

-does he have something he quotes often? something he started saying ironically but never stopped?

man i know i’m all there’s no wrong way to write mike !! in this post but i will say real quick that i think mike is funny and i don’t really respect depictions of him where he’s not. i think this is where the movies really just fucked up. book mike drops some of the funniest lines of the book. and honest to god tip is to write out a scene as you feel the urge too, look away for five minutes, look back and give half of richie’s lines away. (or... dialogue.) this sounds like a joke but it was what i did when i first started writing & tfat

i’d always be like “n the funny part goes... to richie.” and thats a fandom inclination too. nooooo. avoid this trap. it doesn’t even make sense. have u ever been in a friend group where only one person... makes jokes? that’d be genuinely so weird. especially bc if you give the joke away to someone else, you can also build on it. amazing things start happening when u start thinking of the characters in flexible patterns. like for example, i almost always give absurdist humor to stan now. wholesome to ben.

mike’s humor is largely situational to me. solid comedic timing & he’s an observant person. sometimes i read back my own writing & have to change the pov bc richies making jokes about things he would never ever notice to make fun of. mike would. mike genuinely sees all. i think he’s just got one of the most analytical brain of the losers. & i think intelligence is subjective and people are smart in different ways but i think it’s foolish to write him as anything other than incredibly intelligent both academically and emotionally. he’s just a natural observer and pattern notice-er. which brings me to my next mike thing:

love & selflessness

i think the biggest part of mike being harder to flesh into a fully realized person is the fandom tendency to make him kind and nothing else. here’s mike. he’s nice. next. bc the book kind of points out his selflessness in his decisions and it makes itself one of his strongest character traits.

especially bc nice seems to trump him having any other emotions. ...no?

i believe in general, but ESPECIALLY in the case of mike, that kindness is a choice. it’s one i genuinely believe he’d make, over & over again. but a choice he makes. he gets annoyed with his friends being annoying like anyone else would. he gets hurt when he feels left out. he feels tired & anxious & hungry and all those other human things. sometimes he might not let it show outwardly, but there’s a difference between that and not giving him feelings at all.

people are selfish. it’s a defense mechanism. it’s to protect us. it’s not a bad thing. we think of how the world impacts ourselves first. we don’t always act upon those thoughts or voice them, but don’t forget to let mike have them. he doesn’t need to be happy for his friends all the time, or rooting for them or supportive. he should have his own things going on.

also. mike’s not a doormat. yes, he stays in derry. but those were life-death consequences for generations of children. it’s really not comparable to almost any decision mike would make in a pennywise free universe. yes, he made a sacrifice in the book but i don’t think he’d just lay himself down in any given universe to whatever fate wants to hand him. but this is where i end this topic bc i’m actually only barely beginning to get to this topic in my own fic!

it’s hard writing the losers young sometimes bc i do feel relationships are naturally a little unbalanced based on basic maturity levels as young people. sometimes friendships just are unbalanced bc of who people are at that time. everyone involved can still be good people in these relationships. it’s about growing together and learning how to be good friends to each other.

for example, in &tfat: certain losers are always checking in with others. others are really wrapped up in their own shit and don’t really notice what bothers the others. it would probably take a chart the size of a textbook to explain how i think this dynamic wholly pans out in full. and yeah, i think it grates on mike a little bit that he is always the checker and never the checkee.

but even when mike snaps, even when he gets upset, i always write it coming out of him with a lot of love. i genuinely think mike, regardless of experience in that fic, has the deepest understanding of love as its own concept and an understand of how exactly it rules his life and and his relationships. mike knows to feel strongly about something he has to care about it. there are lots of things he just doesn’t care about. in the book it’s stated he’s difficult to connect with as an adult. he’s distant. he’s focused on what he wants to focus on. i think mike is actually the most interesting when he becomes a little bit of a disaster man with very little time for what doesn’t interest him.

which last thing, dislikes & disinterests

-what annoys him?

-what makes him genuinely angry?

-what bores him to tears?

i always make jokes that i bring up the nastier parts of the losers bc i love nasty boys but thinking of things people don’t like is as much a part of them as the things they do.

for example, in &tfat, i write richie as making fun of “nerdy” things like anything you could find at comic con. i write bev as not giving a fuck about sports. bill doesn’t care about richie’s music tastes. eddie hates getting condescended to.

bc of the ... kind thing, mike’s one of the harder losers to do this with. i genuinely think mike would listen to any of his friends tell him about anything. & he knows, in return, they can’t say shit when he wants to ramble about history. but dislikes can also be super situational.

again, for example in & tfat: mike doesn’t like when his friends talk about college right now. no one is really being sensitive to him at all. he hates getting blamed for stuff that isn’t his fault, mostly bc it keeps happening.

anyway. i based a lot of my mike (mostly sense of humor and personality) off of a mix of real life friends of mine. it’s a luxury. i know. i’ve been blessed to have friends from literally all walks of life & for me borrowing little habits & quirks & sayings & jokes to slip into my fics and characters is my way of writing one massive love letter to those ive known. i hope i’ve helped you in some way anon. n if not.... don’t be sad i’m hardly one to take writing advice from anyway jandjxjx

overall, as i used to do often, i’d genuinely stop myself and say: is this a person, or a convenience for the plot? and if it was the latter, sigh, and get my backspace key ready.

[tomiyeee]

finished the story quests for bl3 (but barely any of the side missions yet) and i got...Opinions(tm)

(sorry if this doesn’t cut on mobile! also if you want to hide spoilers i’m tagging all my bl3 posts as “bl3 spoilers” so ny’all can blacklist it)

in no particular order:

i honestly wanted to give gearbox some slack and try my best to like this game bc i know people had probably unfairly high expectations for this game given all the build up, but they really just kept letting me down in everything but the graphics

said this before but overall, the characters are all Quite lackluster

^^ tyreen and troy included. adding the word "bitch" to every sentence does not automatically make it funnier

that being said, i super love their backstory + relationship with typhon/nekofeyo-whatever

the character designs are equally boring. moxxi was the only one who got a real improvement imo. lilith and maya are okay. rhys...i dont think i have to explain. lia...i dislike her hair; the black felt like it balanced out her design better and the white streak was interesting and cool but full white just looks bad tbh. zer0 feels less sleek and more bulky which doesnt fit him much. tina lost her pretty color palette and cute outfit. where are all the bright pretty color palettes in general???? there are other colors besides brown and black???? use them?????

ending of pre-sequel: “you will need all the vault hunters you can get” me: “ooh does that mean all the vh’s from previous games are back? i can’t wait to see everyone meet each other! :D” bl3: only nine of them come back, 3 of them die, the rest are involved in maybe one mission at most

boss fights. super. boring. and tedious. i mean this could be partly because i was playing on ps4 which made it extra not fun but if the only reason the fight is difficult is because they have a lot of health...it's not fun or challenging. i want fights like handsome jack with interesting mechanics. i want fights like angel with emotional impact. i want fights like the pre-sequel final boss that i forgot the name of with variation that isnt just "now they have an attack that shines bright lights in ur eyes, covers the whole arena, and can knock you down in one hit im looking at you traunt and killavolt". tyreens fight was the only one that i somewhat enjoyed because of this. all the others were just like "ughhhh again?"

im really enjoying melee amara playstyle. taking out badass enemies in four hits is my jam. this is just my fallout 4 playthrough all over again babey heck yea

typhon just wanted to be a good dad!!! he called tyreen starlight which is adorable!!! he did the best he could and tyreen hated him for it!!! i don’t blame either of them for that tbh, it makes sense from both their perspectives. tyreen definitely should have been more understanding, but she’s a dick so :/ (not saying this is a writing flaw, just a character flaw)

hammerlock needs higher standards in men but i really appreciate the undeniably in-your-face "fuck you" to all gamer dudes

i really. hate. how little the player character seems to matter in the story. in pre-sequel the vh's all had unique dialogue AND npcs would respond, sometimes even with character-specific lines. even when it was the same across vh's, it still felt like the npcs were interacting and speaking directly to them. the player character felt like a character of their own, rather than just a vessel for the player to do quests and kill enemies with or an errand runner for the important characters. i thought that was the direction they were going in with bl3 too but this just feels like bl2 only worse. there’s a separation again between you and the story and it feels like you’re just watching things happen. now ur not just a silent protagonist, but instead your a speaking protagonist who gets completely ignored. whats the point of including unique dialogue if it's not even acknowledged beyond an "uh-huh, moving on"?

sometimes the logic just feels kinda dumb. the twins killed/disabled maya and lilith in a heartbeat, they can literally disintegrate the most powerful beings in the universe, but the vault hunters? absolutely not. they must fight them for 40 minutes and then die.

after the fight with troy, no one even touched tyreen. there's no way they could have thought "yup she's definitely dead, no need to shoot her in the head or anything just to make sure. we didn't do anything to even hurt her, we just assumed." turns out she's 100% alive and gets up to start the apocalypse. who'da thunk! i know they wanted the end to seem more dramatic but it just seems stupid that they could have stopped tyreen like 5 missions earlier had they even the slightest bit of common sense.

lilith was one of the biggest threats to tyreen and troy's whole plan. of course they should leave her alive and simply steal her powers. let's kill the monk siren instead.

i know they didn't include this to give all players a fair experience instead of favoring sirens, but it kinda sucks playing a siren character and it's just completely ignored outside of ur action skill. tyreen and troy are sapping siren powers left and right, but they choose to leave you with yours. when you enter the eridian place with typhon tannis starts glowing because it has "something to do with sirens". what about the one standing right next to her? this applies to bl2 as well...jack i would willingly charge ur vault key for u pls why do u take lilith instead :'(

oh yeah speaking of tannis! i LOVE that she got angels powers. for some reason it just makes me really happy. maybe it's bc i think it's sweet that part of angel survived. maybe it's because it makes for cool fanart. maybe it's just cool. idk. also like that we got a solid explanation of what angel's powers were (influence over technology). i always thought her having control over it in bl2 might've been cuz it was hyperion tech and she had access to it same as she had access to the satellite from bl1. it wasn't super clear since it seemed like she could also materialize things like the ammo during her fight.

that also reminds me: all the dramatic reveals in this game felt kinda badly done.

the very first one with zer0/katagawa. like the whole time i was walking around looking for him i was trying to think why he might've turned/something must have happened to him or rhys. everyone was saying it was undeniably zer0. i finally meet him and take one look at his bright ass maliwan armor and its like. really. you couldnt have made it anymore obvious that thats not zer0. and then his helmet gets knocked off and surprise! it's not him. i totally didnt already figure that out with one glance 10 seconds ago. (maybe even earlier when you got glimpses of him around the building but i always missed it cuz i was looking at the fish tanks n shit)

also the tannis reveal. she was speaking to me in the same way that only known siren characters could. weird unexplained things were happening and seemed to be related to tannis. i wonder if she's a siren? surprise! she's a siren.

tyreen and troy knew about the great vault through some unknown means. typhon was talking about having a son and a daughter who he told stories about the great vault. typhon calls tyreen his daughter a while later and lilith acts surprised like honey ur a little slow, i figured that out several lines ago.

basically i'm not saying they were so obvious that i knew from the beginning of the game; i only figured them out a little before they were outright stated. but it was enough that it kinda ruined the effect and the characters acting surprised only when it was blatantly spelled out for them just made it annoying.

i feel like most of this is pretty negative, but i don’t mean that i hate the game and was miserable playing it. it was honestly okay...like i said i wanted to like it, but gearbox hates me specifically and killed/ruined all my faves just to spite me sooo...*waves hand back and forth in a sort of “ehhh” gesture*. i think my opinion on bl games from most to least fav would be: tftbl, bltps, bl2, bl3, and bl1. so it’s not the worst, but deeefinitely not one of my faves. i mean jack’s not in it (or if he is he doesn’t have a big role) so it’s already at a huge disadvantage. the ending was ok, it was all dramatic n stuff and it kinda makes sense i guess, but it was just about as okay as the rest of the game really. i don’t hate it but it’s not great either yknow?

[tanadrin]

hey *whispers* hey. hey. i saw your post in the wow tag. i would read THE SHIT out of your interpretation of wow lore. i have homework right now but i think i might just read through your blog a bit. the characters have always been such a high point for me (listen. i know knaak did a lot of shit. but you can pry Krasus from my cold dead hands he was EVERYTHING to middle school me) and i feel so conflicted over what theyve done to the characters - sylvanas, anduin, everyone. would love ur take

You might be a little disappointed, most of my blog isn’t about WoW (it postdates my WotLK raiding/RP guild phase, and I’ve only just recently got back into it with Classic). Lots of opinions on WoW characters below the cut.

I actually don’t hate Krasus as a character. He’s fine, he’s not a Designated Idiot Ball Carrier like some of the others are. In re: the dragons generally, I don’t like the simplistic thing WoW lore does a lot where one faction leader going bonkers turns the whole faction into baddies for no apparent reason, because all political entities are monoliths except when they’re not. I’m also not a huge fan of how crowded the, erm, metahuman bureaucracy on Azeroth has become in the lore–like, the Keepers and the Dragon Aspects serve similar roles, and the lore could have done fine with one or the other, and the dragons were here first (and Ysera and Alexstrasza are BAMFs), and so should get to stay.

Sylvanas is bae, obviously, and Sylvanas as Warchief was a terrific move plotwise. I think it’s a pity they had to kill Vol’jin to do it (because I am also very here for Warchief Vol’jin), but she is obviously the more interesting choice. Speaking of Warchiefs:

Thrall doesn’t have the Green Jesus Marty Stu quite as bad as some people think, but he does kinda have it, and I don’t see them grappling quite with the fact that he done fucked up. Like, not only did he install a Warchief who should have had all smart members of the Horde tugging at their collars nervously when he started his rule, Garrosh turned into a Sha-summoning Old God-corrupted, casual-atrocity-perpetrating maniac, not to mention all the bullshit on Old Draenor I do my best to forget about lest my blood pressure spike. We don’t really get a satisfying mea culpa from Thrall for that, and then his response is to fuck off to fiddle around with the Earthen Ring for a bit, before retiring to a farm in Nagrand. Keep in mind, one of the whole reasons the Horde came together in its current shape in the first place is because of the charismatic, hopeful figure of Thrall. It ran the very real risk of splintering under Garrosh for good (ESPECIALLY after the murder of Cairne, RIP Cairne Bloodhoof, you were too good for this world), and even the most unifying successor (which I think Vol’jin was) didn’t have Thrall’s inclusive, unifying vision. Sylvanas doesn’t, either, and even more, is sort of low-key hated by everybody else, so while I don’t think she’s a maniac like Garrosh who would recklessly divide the Horde, she’s also not, I am forced to admit, necessarily the ideal Warchief from a political standpoint.

Even if he didn’t return to the post of Warchief, Thrall had a moral obligation after the Garrosh debacle to try to help hold the Horde together and heal the divisions his negligence caused. At least to throw his support behind Garrosh’s successors, and not to pretend that Deathwing’s death meant everything was OK forever, job done. And if he wasn’t going to do that (and he has excellent motivations for not wanting to do that!), I think the consequences of that have to be explored. I think some people would blame him, and be justified in doing so. I think somebody like Varok Saurfang, who has had decades of experience with the damage bad leaders could do, would rightly be a little pissed, even as he sought Thrall out for help, that Thrall had let the Horde he built languish under subpar leadership. Thrall has been selfish–and that’s great, because he desperately needed some character flaws more significant than “cares too much” and “believes in people a lot.”

Anduin: better than Varian, still a little bland? Varian was a Professional Idiot Ball Handler, who seemed to do stuff not out of a coherent conception of his character, but just because the plot required a Generic Human King to do it. Plus there was all that stuff with the cloning and the kidnapping that never really made any sense. I like Anduin’s optimism; I like that he feels like a thoughtful, reasonable guy, who’s doing his best in often-impossible circumstances. I feel like they could show him being a little more frustrated sometimes, though, and a little pissed at people like Jaina who obstinately refuse to do the strategically correct thing even if it means setting aside their resentments for a bit. Disclaimer: I play almost exclusively Horde toons, they may address this better in the Alliance quests in WoW.

But oh man, besides the Draenei, I hate most what they did to Jaina. Jaina was that rare jewel, an optimist in a world whose setting demands perpetual chaos. Yes, yes, Theramore and the mana bomb, I’m not suggesting she should be made of stone, but it breaks her character to have her suddenly go from someone trying to forge a lasting peace between the Horde and Alliance in WC3–to the point where she would see her own father dead–to someone who now blames the whole Horde as one no exceptions for what happened at Theramore. Should she struggle with grief and pain and anger? Absolutely. But she should deal with them in more complex ways than “now I am become the mirror image of Daelin.” Nevermind that even if she did that she should at least regret not listening to him back in WC3. (Do they address that in BFA with the introduction of Kul Tiras? Idk, I haven’t played BFA at all yet.) It seems like Jaina’s role now is to be the Person Who Hates The Horde, and honestly, that’s a tired trope. It’s just not interesting, it has no nuance, it has no interesting outcomes. You could maybe get away with it with the generation of leaders from the Second War like Daelin and Genn who knew the Orcs only as the fel-corrupted servants of the Burning Legion, but it’s obvious to anyone with two brain cells to rub together than the current Horde is a very different animal politically and strategically, so even if you hate the Orcs with a burning passion, that is not going to transfer to the Tauren, nevermind onetime allies like the Blood Elves.

Gul’dan: oh my god the time travel plot was so stupid. Did the whole universe get duplicated in the alternate timeline? Since travel between the universes is cheap and easy that means there’s a whole nother Burning Legion with a whole nother Sargeras out there that’s still a huge fricking threat! Not to mention a whole nother Azeroth! Did just Draenor get duplicated? That doesn’t seem to match up with the fact a lot of the Burning Legion characters in WoD seem to be parallel universe versions of Burning Legion villains we already know, but it’s not directly confirmed or disconfirmed. Is it some sort of weird Bronze Dragonflight timey-wimey thing that doesn’t have its own independent reality? Ok, fine, but obviously this alternate Draenor has enough of an independent existence for us to visit it again and see what it’s like decades later, not to mention bring some of the people there back. Gul’dan was a fine, if one-dimensional villain but bringing him back from the dead was dumb, dumb, dumb, in a setting where death often feels meaningless and seems to be reversible at random. And the general incoherence of magic in the setting combined with the perennial incoherence of time travel plots (Gollum voice: *we hates them!*) really just reduced WoD to a quivering mess of plot holes, like febrile fan speculation made manifest.

Tirion Fordring: good example of a purely heroic character done well, which WoW has few of. I think because he actually has challenges to overcome, and he doesn’t feel like an idiot.

Bolvar Fordragon: Literally did not know or care who this guy was until the Wrathgate cinematic, but what they did after that with his character was terrific, 10/10.

Malfurion, Tyrande, Illidan: These characters all bore me to tears. My WotLK main was a druid, and I’m a big fan of the druid lore, so I wanna like Malfurion, I really do, but he’s just so dull. Partly because it doesn’t feel like he has any real limitations on his power, just whatever the plot demands he be able to do or not do at any given moment, partly because he just feels like a stiff-necked scold. Tyrande is even more one-dimensional. Illidan is pure 3edgy5me, and the demon hunters in general feel like they get to be too cool to actually traffic in any of the pathos of what should be their emotional equivalents like the Death Knights and the Forsaken. It’s like, “oh man, my life is so tormented, I have these bitchin’ horns and tattoos, and I’m, like, totally immortal, here, hold my rad sword thingies for a second.” At least with the Death Knights you get the feeling that being a Death Knight is a genuinely miserable experience, so there’s some genuine conflict at the heart of the class: sure, you play as a hero, but not the kind of hero you’d necessarily want to be. Demon hunters are just pissed they don’t get to sit at the cool kids’ lunch table, and Illidan genuinely acts like a giant asshole and then gets self-righteous and whiny when his friends and family are like “Dude! Stop being such an asshole!” There’s room for a prickly character, who’s a dick, but who’s our dick, and maybe that’s what they were going for, but Illidan is just the worst.

Azshara, Lady Vashj: The Naga were a giant fucking mistake. A symptom of the inability to let backstory stay backstory, to have to resurrect and retread the same events over and over again that plagues serials when lesser writers without original ideas get let loose on them. Settings like WoW (like Star Wars, like Star Trek, like Dune) are whole universes. You should be expanding the borders, making them feel bigger, more fine-grained, more alive, not beating the same major characters to death over and over again. The ancient Kaldorei are way more interesting as a lost past and a lesson in hubris than fish-snake-people who live under the sea.

Also, water levels are dumb and I hate them. This applies to coral-and-shellfish themed zones regardless of whether swimming is involved.

Cho’gall: I loved the “insane nihilist death cult” reincarnation of the Twilight’s Hammer Clan in World of Warcraft, and Cho’gall as the many-eyed crazed ogre mage with two heads was great. Would much rather have more Cho’gall than Guldan 2.0.

While I’m on Cataclysm: one thing you don’t often feel in worlds like WoW is the possibility of real defeat, because for extradiegetic reasons, it’s impossible to truly lose in any long-lasting way (or, in quests like Battle for the Undercity in WotLK, they just… don’t let you, which feels dumb as heck). I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of a post-apocalyptic fantasy world, a world where the bad guys won, and all the worst things the good guys feared came to pass. I think this is one reason I loved the original interpretation of the Draenei so much, because we saw in Draenor what that really looked like. It was bleak, and it was poignant, and even though it was set within a silly melodrama, it actually moved me. Cataclysm did something similar with the postapocalyptic time-travel instance (time travel being used well for once in WoW!), where you saw that Deathwing’s victory wasn’t just an abstract possibility, but a thing that could actually happen. It made the possibility of defeat feel more real, and it gave you a taste of that same bleak, poignant feeling: this, it said (just for a moment!) is what failure looks like, an Azeroth without life, without hope, in which everything you ever struggled for was utterly in vain. And that motivated you to work even harder to prevent it.

Alleria, Turalyon: “You last saw us in WC2, and since then we’ve been fighting a thousand years (subjective) of endless war against the Burning Legion and been irrevocably changed by the experience” is actually pretty great! But if I were going to rewrite WoW lore, I would make that a thousand objective years and set the final victory over the Burning Legion in the future, at a time when the Alliance and Horde have made a durable peace, and Azeroth has moved on from decades of endless war. I think there’s a real problem with trying to make the player one of the heroes that brings down Sargeras for good because it’s *such* an epic battle, but it’s a massively multiplayer game. Making every player the grand master of their class order was bad enough, but when you are obviously playing out entirely different diegesis from everyone around you, even if you didn’t have problems like sharding and a glut of phasing and cross-server activities and instant teleportation to dungeons, it really feels like a single-player RPG with a chat function. I mean, conflicting diegeses is always going to be a problem with questing-based MMOs, but suspension of disbelief worked when you were plainly one person embedded in a larger effort, like in vanilla, BC, and WotLK. But “you are one of thousands of people who is the Best Warrior Ever and sole Leader of the Warriors, and who has the Only Artifact Weapon that somehow also has thousands of copies”… yeah, that just doesn’t work for me. I feel like I’m being pandered to, and not in a fun way, like with the Pandaren.

Sargeras: I like that they retconned Sargeras to have a better motivation than “demons made me nihilistic.” The idea of a void-corrupted titan being something so terrible a member of the Pantheon would shatter worlds to prevent it is interesting. But the Void gods still feel… kinda non-threatening? We don’t see them actively working to threaten anything we really care about, the Void is mostly a pretty passive abstract force like the Light, and in general I feel like the setting isn’t really dualistic, but er… trialistic? Is that a word? In that there’s a three-way opposition between the Void, the Light, and the Nether/Arcane, from the perspective of which each is the opponent of both of the others, but that’s never laid out explicitly anywhere.

[ivydcmir-blog]

☁☼☁( ****. simay barlas. cis female. 21 ). welcome back to your summer paradise, IVY DEMIR we were wondering when you’d finally show up! the town’s really missed how MESMERIZING you are, even if you can be a bit AMORAL at times. we hear back home they call you the CHERRY PIT, makes sense considering you remind everyone of IMPORTED CIGARETTES, OLD LOVE SONGS COMING FROM A RECORD PLAYER, PERFUME AT THE BASE OF A THROAT, & FAST CARS AT MIDNIGHT.  ☁☼☁    

oh she’s extra late to the party ! im she .... my name’s xan im 22 and from the est timezone i go by she / her pronouns and ur watching disney channel <3 i am....so excited to bring ivy to life ... shes been my sleep paralysis demon for weeks its time for me to set her free baby ! lets go !

first things first ivy is inspired by characters like effy from skins, georgina & serena from gossip girl, and just a TINY bit of villanelle from killing eve ( not the....assassin part.... ) 

her daddy’s side of the family are oil tycoons and her mom’s side ? well ivy has no idea what they do or who they were

basically a little after ivy turned a year old her mother just . poofed...vanished into thin air and didn’t leave a trace behind. growing up ivy would hear a lot of rumors from the staff abt what kind of person her mom was or where she went but the one person who could tell her the truth ( her dad ) just refused to talk abt it. he got super angry anytime she used to try so ivy stopped asking !

she was born in tokyo actually ( on her parents anniversary trip, which was another mystery ) but was raised in manhattan ! she is absolutely in love with nyc and definitely considers it her home

so shes filthy rich and i mean like ... disgusting billionaire rich to the point that it’s just not right and you know, that definitely shaped her upbringing. even as a little girl ivy found it very clear the amount of power she has just by being born into the right family 

she was....kind of a strange child ! she was abnormally sharp for her age and intuitive and without that maternal figure in her life, ivy grew very attached to her father. he’d even take her along to business meetings because she was well behaved

as she grew up it started to become apparent ivy liked to play games. the more she observed the people around her ( the staff, her dad, his business partners, the kids at school, etc. ) the better she got at finding out what made people tick. sometimes her games were harmless ( like flirting with the boys she knew her friends were crushing on ) and sometimes they were more intense ( like setting up empty pill bottles around her and pretending she’d overdosed to freak out the maids ) ask ivy why she did any of it and she’d simply tell you she was bored

high school ivy was very much reckless like this. she found the upper east side teen drama so dreary she’d often act out just for a change of pace. i’d like to think she broke the record for most detentions at whatever private school she went to. she was definitely someone just about everyone knew just because of all the rumors she stirred up doing crazy things 

despite all the misdemeanors she got into yale ! her dad is basically on of the biggest donors to the university. there’s probably a building somewhere on campus with her last name on it, but ivy really couldnt care less. she didnt exactly want to go to college and she definitely didnt want to leave nyc, but shes got this weird complex with her dad and really cannot tell the man no ! so she majors in classics just bc she thought it’d be neat to have to learn latin 

of course ... she starts to get bored. she’s already barely attending classes and on academic probation so when it leaks to the dean she’s sleeping with a professor ? ivy was sure it’d be expulsion.....but then it wasn’t ! turned out her dad had made a special deal with yale and after a nice monetary exchange it was like ivy never did anything....

after her dad announced he was going to turkey for his brother’s funeral last august she decided to "take a gap year” from yale but really she’s got no plan to ever go back ! instead she disappeared much like her mother did for a whole year without a trace. she told absolutely no one where she was going or what she was doing.....and she’s come back to the hamptons for the summer with no warning ! 

PERSONALITY & TIDBITS

so ivy is....all over the place ! most of the way she behaves is because she finds it a bit too easy to grow bored. still very much into playing games with people bc she gets a kick out of it ! it takes a lot for ivy to take anything seriously so she’s not exactly the best person to come to if you need advice or comfort. if you’re looking for excitement? trouble? an out of body experience ? then she is 100% your girl 

for someone so chaotic she is weirdly nostalgic and sentimental about things. she’s obsessed with greek heroes and foreign poets and superstitions and it’s not uncommon to find her getting existential with you with a cigarette dangling from her fingertips and a foggy look in her eyes. she’ll say something that seems entirely deep and profound one minute, and the next she’s blowing smoke in your face asking if you want to do a line in the bathroom with a wicked smile on her painted lips

a huge flirt ! she will and she does hit on absolutely everyone. definitely not the traditionally romantic type but she does go through phases where she tends to hyper fixate on others for specific periods of time. until she gets bored. it’s a vicious cycle

full of unhealthy habits that include drinking, smoking, doing drugs, fucking around, but the worst is how little she sleeps. she’s been prone to nightmares ever since she was a kid but she’s never acknowledged it as a problem despite it obviously being one

once she flew to paris with nothing but a cheap pink wig. wore it the whole time she was there and called herself yvette. 

picked up her father’s obsession with luxury cars. not only does she collect them, she races them, too. most infamous stint was showing up to a race in an evening gown and winning. 

speaks about five languages fluently. often likes to fuck with snobby rich people at high society events by pretending she can’t speak or understand english, only to turn around and speak to someone else in perfect english

it’s rumored she once snuck onto the yacht of a ceo to a fortune 500 company, only for him to find her in nothing but a bath towel eating chocolates while flipping through his playboy magazines, and that he was so taken with her instead of pressing charges he decided to name the boat after ivy.  

rumors are rumors, but you really never know with ivy....

thats it !!! if you’re reading this you made it !! please come plot with me i know im late but i have a lot of heart memes saved up and i cant use those by myself </3 we can message through im’s but im 100% easier to get in contact with over discord @  EL i love u 💖✨🌙#8172

[marystudies]

A LONG ASS LIST OF TIPS FOR HIGH SCHOOL: FRESHMAN TO SENIOR YEAR LETS GO

Disclaimer: This is just from my experience, so these might not all apply to you! 

Freshman Year

ok, ok, freshman year can be scary but don’t let that get to you

dont worry about upperclassmen being rude/teasing you 

it’ll most likely happen, but I’ve never seen an upperclassman tease a freshman with the intention to really hurt them

one day you’ll be them so dw

on the topic of upperclassmen, make some older friends!!! (through classes, sports, etc.) it’s so nice to have someone give you tips and help you through high school

dont expect your friend group to stay the same lol

BUT ITS A GOOD THING I PROMISE YOU

I was scared of changing my friend group, so even though I wasn’t being treated too well, it wasn’t until senior year when I really made a change and I wish I did it earlier

be open to meeting new people, everyone is scared just like you and looking for more friends

I don’t think its neccessary for freshman to become sUPER involved in clubs and all that but at least get a feel for whats out there

try out for a sport if you play one!

this goes for all of high school, not just freshman year, but I regret not being as involved as I could’ve been 

Go to school events like football games and dances! School spirit is considered weird in middle school but its cool in high school

take your classes seriously, your teachers are right - high school is much harder than middle school (but it’s not too bad if you stay organized!)

my freshman year GPA was my lowest like english really caught me off guard (properly formatted, 5 paragraph essays being 50% of your grade??? a concept.)

so my cumulative GPA was brought down

I think most freshman don’t have access to AP classes to boost your GPA or anything, but if you’re looking to push yourself take an honors class or 2! (if available)

Sophomore Year

wooohooo ur no longer a freshman

I’d take at least 1 AP class if you can

my sophomore year I took AP Human Geo - which I really loved, and it also wasn’t too hard

a lot of sophomores take AP World which is a BITCH of a class

BUT I wouldn’t recommend taking Honors World because you don’t get the GPA boost, you don’t get college credits (unless you take the AP Euro test or something), and it’s almost just as hard 

this is a bit random - but when you’re taking Algebra 2 (which was my sophomore year) PLS PAY ATTENTION math builds on itself don’t fuck yourself over

take the PSAT if you want (I honestly don’t remember if I took it freshman year too but eh), but seriously its not required

start thinking about college (I know it’s the last thing you want to do)

just little things like

when do I want to take the SAT/ACT?

would I like a small school or a big school?

What will I be able to put on my college applications?

like if you do community service through a club/church/etc then great!!! sports? YEs

can’t think of anything? Join a club! Try out for a sport (it’s not too late) Find something that interests you

you’re probably pretty situated socially now but never be afraid to get to know those classmates/”school friends” better! 

Junior Year

so junior year is commonly thought of as the hardest year of highschool

which is partially true (we’ll get there later)

but anyways, seriously buckle your seatbelt and get ready to work your ass off because THIS YEAR COUNTS, LADIES AND GENTS

Take AP classes if available

I took AP Psych (WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND) and Honors PreCalc (coming from regular Algebra 2)

Psych gave me college credit and a GPA boost

HPC gave me a GPA boost for UCs 

It was a bitCH of a class but it made AP calc a breeze 

If you haven’t started already, start prepping for SAT/ACT and then take them

tutoring is very helpful, but it can be expensive

I’ve seen studyblrs post about free prep through Kahn Academy and other stuff, so you might have to do a bit of digging but there are tons of resources out there

TAKE PRACTICE TESTS

take one of each first - then focus on the test you did better on 

one of my biggest regrets is taking SAT prep instead of ACT prep because my ACT (which I didn’t do specialized prep for) ended up equivalent to my SAT (which I did prep for)

the more you take em the better you get

Studyblr is gr8 for finding test taking tips

If you’re not happy with your score, just take it again! I only took each one once but most people improve their scores if they take it again

I recommend visiting a few universities when you’re on break! Get a feel for what you like and what you don’t like (size, location, public/private, etc) and what kind of school you could get accepted to

you don’t want to end up applying to a billion schools that you wouldn’t even want to go to

private schools like it when you express interest by visiting

so if you’re visiting, make sure you check in so you can be in their system 

END OF JUNIOR YEAR - ASK FOR LETTERS OF REC NOW! BY THE FIRST WEEK OF SENIOR YEAR A LOT OF TEACHERS ARE ALREADY TAKING ON TOO MANY LETTERS!

Senior Year (buckle up this section is the longest)

but YAY UR A SENIOR 

DO FUN SENIOR YEAR THINGS like my school has all kinds of events for seniors and it’s so great 

Remember when I said junior year is the hardest? Yeah well no... 1st semester senior year is SO MUCH WORSE ur in for a lot of fun

Ok seriously - don’t let senioritis get to you first semester

Still take challenging classes! Schools are looking for progression in difficulty

Those mid year transcripts REALLY DO MATTER! 

College apps, man

Make sure you’re communicating with your counselor to make sure you have everything ready and on track 

like file the FAFSA and CSS (used for lots of privates)

tbh I didn’t think it would help me a lot but it (the CSS) actually did so just do it even if you think you’ll get nothing

Ok so hopefully at this point you have a feel for what schools you are interested in

Things to consider: location, price, size, public/private, difficulty of the application, ranking, program/major you are applying to, campus, overall vibe

I didn’t do any interviews but maybe look into it

Don’t get too comfortable and set reasonable goals - apply to several safety schools, a few good options/could go either way schools, but also a few “reaches”

ESSAYS

I’m no college counselor, but don’t just wing your essays without having an adult/professional look over them

I got lucky - my mom is a professional writer so my family didn’t pay for a counselor

Do your research - you can find so much information about what schools are looking for in essays

If an essay is “optional” DO IT it’s really not optional lol

Keep in mind - these essays are nothing like what you’ve been taught. You don’t have to (and often SHOULDNT) write a 5 paragraph essay with topic sentences relating back to the thesis and evidence, etc. its much more free

think “What is the story I am going to tell?”

get creative - this is hard and takes some time

Think: How am I going to separate myself from thousands of applicants? What is a story that ONLY I can tell?

DO EARLY ACTION FOR AS MANY SCHOOLS AS POSSIBLE!!! 

such a relief to knowing you got in somewhere in like,,,, november

acceptance rates are higher for EA 

the order from highest to lowest is ED > EA > RD

Early Decision scares me (schools will say they give equal scholarship consideration but lol thats a lie) 

but if you have your heart set on a school go ahead

apply to other school just in case, you don’t want to get stuck starting all your apps when a lot of students have already turned them all in

Now that you’re done with applications (whew), the acceptances (and rejection) will start coming!! yay!

ok first for acceptances

those first acceptances are so cool like YAY YOU GOT INTO COLLEGE IM PROUD OF U

as soon as you get your first acceptances really start researching the school more and deciding if you’d REALLY want to go there or not

i know this is hard bc you haven't heard back from all your schools but it’ll make choosing a school so much easier

sadly, not all acceptances are happy tho

like I got accepted to my #1 school but they gave me no money so it was impossible to go

I was so emo for a couple days there

BUT! If you’re serious about it, try appealing for financial aid but keep your expectations low

ok now waitlists

these can be a bit nerve wracking

PLEASE apply for the waitlist right away

at some schools if you dont within a couple days, your application might get thrown out

aaaaand rejections

i dont have a lot to say about this but please dont be too hard on yourself

sometimes its just not meant to be and thats ok!

NOW PICKING A COLLEGE

def the most difficult and mentally draining part for me lol

make sure you really map out everything to consider

net cost (tuition, room & board, books, travel, personal expenses, etc.), size, location, etc.

I personally had this idea that I’d end up at a big school far from home but I’m going to a small school close to home and I’m still super excited!!! So make sure you give every school a second look 

APPLY FOR SCHOLARSHIPS!

the essays aren’t usually too bad and sometimes you can just rework your college app essays

you can find them online, your school might have some (like PTA scholarships, band scholarships, etc.)

ok this is the time everyone really gets senioritis

i almost didn’t get senioritis at all lol just because slacking off stressed me out

but please be smart about it dont get rescinded 

and lastly have fun! high school really does fly by, it’ll be over before you know it

[artsyeti]

Hi, I hope you don't mind me asking this, but I'm curious. I'm an australian studying a course on race and ethnicity for my assignment i was considering doing multiculturalism in aus. I feel that for most of my life people have DRILLED into me that Aus is a successful multicultural nation with everyone mingling together in harmony etc etc. However, some people i talk to including think this is not the case at all - that we're actually a little racist. Im really interested to know ur thoughts?

FUCK OKAY SORRY I TRIED SO HARD TO EDIT THIS LIKE 9 TIMES BUT IT’S JUST A BUNCH OF WORDY VOMIT SORRY !!

I don’t mind at all, I’m honored you’d even be bothered to hear my dumb opinions !

Personally I feel like Australia is FAR ahead of other countries when it comes to the legal aspects of racism within the country, and similarily progressive when it comes to educating primary and highschool students on other cultures. but socially we have a LITTLE bit more to go, and i think we’ll get there in about 20 years when the older generation…. dies off lol… If you take a little look into our laws, you’ll find a LOT of things to protect minority (and specifically Indigenous rights), one of the most controversial being section 18c of the Racial Discrimination Act which essentially condemns hate speech to a HELLA strong degree (like…. a little too strong if you ask me, like it literally says it’s illegal to say things that could ‘offend’ but moVING ON).We have a lot of publicised fear of ‘boat people’ but I genuinely do not believe that this countries fear of immigrants is intrinsically tied to a fear of POC like it *appears* to be in other countries. (Obviously, I am an Australian citizen and don’t know the inner-workings of anywhere but Australia - if that - those countries could be racism free.) A lot of the language politicians and news outlets use to describe immigrants are NOT race specific or racially coded, I’ve found. We have a bit of a fear of muslims, but I think this is more central to the religion (and ofc, brought on by a fear of terrorists) than is tied to the race, so I wouldn’t exactly put it as racist? more… prejudice? I’m arabic, not muslim, and people usually find out these facts together so aside from my friends purposefully racist jokes I don’t hear much about islam from people.(Also yeah, maybe thats worth mentioning, AUSSIES HAVE A REALLY DARK SENSE OF HUMOUR and if you’re a minority coming from other western countries, you might think the jokes are racist but they never intend to be. And when youre raised here, you don’t take it that way, you usually make the jokes more than your friends. One of my mates is just a whole mix of different darker skinned races??? literally i don’t even know what exactly, but every time he see’s a POC on tv he goes ‘thaTS ME’ for some fucking reason, its so dumb but it makes us laugh.)

I’m not sure about you, but I know in my childhood I was taught that the colonisation of Australia was a violent and kind of disgusting event in our history. To me, this seems like a given, but from what I’ve read not every country condemns colonisation like that, and I think and important part of ensuring children don’t develop racist tendencies from their parents is teaching them history from a critical standpoint (this way we don’t get any of that ‘Make Australia Great Again’ garbage). From a VERY young age I was well educated on the culture and history of Indigenous Australians (I can literally still quote to you the Mabo Case) and it was treated with the same amount of respect that, say, Catholic studies were. This might vary across state lines though. I spent my primary school years in FAR North Queensland (Townsville and above) where there is a much larger % of Indigenous students than say Ipswich. Something about focusing on ensuring there is no racial tension between white and indigenous students, kind of limited all kinds of racial tension. I’m half afro-arab, half white, and I never felt subjected to racism or bullying from the other kids at all. The most annoying thing I had to deal with is people fucking touching my hair and telling me to ‘brush it’… but that’s not really a racism thing because the filo kids did it just as much as everyone else ksjsks. When I got into highschool I moved to a rural school (it was like 85% white which was SOOOOO weird, and i think contributed to me experiencing the racism i did). Racism in students was rare, and the racists were bullied for their beliefs, ostrazised even. Instead of the other way around. The biggest issue in children, I think is when poorer kids see the sheer amount of benefits AUS provides to indigenous students. The biggest issues in adults is when they see Australia letting overseas chinese billionaires buying up land to rent out here. Either way, I think ‘racists’ blame the government, not the people more than anything.

Now, I’m in university (Studing law and psychology which btw both have EXTENSIVE units on race and racial discrimination, literally everything here does). I live in Brisbane, I walk past signs in chinese, arabic and korean every day. Some specific areas don’t even have english-speaking shop workers and no one bats an eye. The university lecturer’s read of a spiel about honoring the traditional owners of the land (they did that in my senior year of highschool too btw) BASICALLY, yeah in Brisbane it’s incredibly multi-cultural, and the government doesn’t really care if you like that or not. And i think that’s the best way to sum up australia’s multi-culturalism. It’s forced upon the older generation, but embraced by the younger. The most ‘racist’ of the new generation see themselves as victims and are usually poor or homeschooled or something, but they’re honestly REALLY rare, in my experience. 

ALSO lol in this whole spiel I kept refering to australia’s history as ‘my history’ in my head. But lmao,,, i’m first generation Australian, the white half of me is Irish for gods sakes BUT I have never doubted my identity as an Australian first and foremost before anything else and neither has anyone else. A huge difference between AUS and like the US is that. American people tend to hyphenate, yknow? african-american. asian-american. that doesn’t happen in australia, were just AUSSIE, and to me that means we’re doing something right in terms of multi-culturalism.

WOW WOW THIS WAS SO LONG SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN TO WRITE THAT MUCH I’M SO PATRIOTIC SORRY

[nuevorealidad]

how.to.deal.w.damn.eclipses

Don't bother trying to make any sense of it. It'll only throw you. The whole damned thing is just a bunch of juxtaposed pastiché of images and scatterballed memories, a crazy drama mixed with karma, peering in lightness pouring onto the darkest spots, carousing kissers smearing brandied blood upon your gnarling scars.

Maybe it's best you just withdraw into the lair of your reclusive, private universe - a place from which all others are excluded, a shuttled dreamworld in which even those who know you do not recognise you as such. #ᴀᴤᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏØʄɴᴏᴡ ☿ ⊼ ♆ | ♀ ⊼ Ch |♀ △ ♅ | ☉ ☍ ♇

But things are weird, hey... aren't they now? Lots of confusion going down, everyone's feeling so damned grouchy all of their buttons ultra touchy be very mindful what you say, jack in the box ain't far away loaded with angst and toxic bile ready to spring you and revile so please, do not obscure or judge two thousand years of nasty sludge.

#ᴀᴤᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏØʄɴᴏᴡ SOLAR ECLIPSE @20°♋41'

Pluto Opposition Uranus - 7/12 new moon uranus 19/20 degrees

You do well not to resist the ups and downs but to go with the volatility which can take you to the outer edges of what you know. Exhilarating experiences are possible that can make you deeply aware of the weaknesses of conformity and the strength of going counter to the trend. While traditions have their place, this is a time to break new ground if only to uncover the unique qualities that make you an individual. Wherever you have felt a need to be different, this can bring it out with full force. (My Need & Desire for My *F*S*J* &*F*L* to kick in start unfolding manifesting from non-physical to physical reality)

Since you may seek freedom and independence whatever the cost, make certain it is for something that you truly desire (more big money & lucrative abundance) rather than against something you don?t want. If you fully tap into what this cycle offers, you probably will demonstrate an unyielding persistence when you are right or think that you are. The older you are when this transit occurs the more you can make it work for you. The increased self-awareness is a great asset as it allows you to seek the freedom you need without causing so much disruption in your life.

You are likely to receive profound insights that increase your understanding w/  deep curiosity with the unfamiliar /peculiar +extend to new discoveries.

**You can find inventive new ways to transform you life so that you do not need to drop out of society to be different.** Still deal w/ humans but living at undisclosed unknown lat/long domain where am free detach from all irita & bs  

I desire something completely new and alternate this new moon / have a need to bring forth my FS*FL* A.I.R. to finally start unfolding in full force . I have already given my F*S*J* 100% green lite & free will to commence. Now i am ready for it to kick in and come into play every single day.

aries - who are u here to be (at this time) & are u spiritually align - this new moon eclipse i am here to align w/ my future self in bringing my future life in accordance & full abundance manifestation. taurus - line up ur emotional mindset attitude to who u seek 2 be in the world & who u want to hang out n associate w/ sagittarius - ARE ABOUT TO TRANSFORM THEIR ENTIRE LIFE - Choosing an emotional tone on how they want to feel thru the whole transformation. do u wanna fly coach or first class - now this is what they have to hold true ; they have to hold true their spiritual faith, they cant be wishy washy or question it. they have to just call it believe it and see it work out (very strong boundaries about faith) and monitor ur emotional situation making sure u always feel safe, engrace, n protected hold true w/ faith and trust this powerful transformation in life. pieces - holding in for some serious passionate joys. everything u teach and preach should be in line w/ ur hearts intention n ur behaviour should be in alignment w/ dat dream too .. so act as if...assume the role. When you are ‘’ there ‘’ ...** BE VERY VERY LOYAL TO THE BOUNDARIES YOU HAVE LEARN SO FAR or else u can be very broken hearted n disappointed if U GO BACK ON A BOUNDARY U KNOW BETTER THAN...SO HONOR UR F* BOUNDARIES FIRST AND FOREMOST (remember wat happened the other nite? when u suffered/struggled thru / got redeemed (fr u know who) big time enough to walk but then u kept playin shittin it up ...remember that auwful feeling?? which U beg n promised never to ever feel or experience again??? soo HEED IT once and for all!

Talk it up, stretch facts, use frauds to make human beings appear more grandiloquent than they really are, invent stories where people talk way more eloquently, say smarter things than is humanly possible, make shitty human enterprises seem important enough to want to invest in. It's not a noise - it's music; it isn't shit smeared on a piece of wood - that's art; it's not a house - it's a temple; it isn't boring, if you say so....

Jupiter trine Neptune was exact during Jupiter retrograde on May 25 and will be again on August 19, 2018. It encourages hope, generosity and community spirit. As your personal value system or morals reach a higher standard, you will find that selflessly helping others brings great satisfaction. You can follow your dreams for success without needing to sacrifice your ego or material possessions. WEALTH/ FAME / 7 ALL UR DESIRES come true and you should feel happy and content.

YES I am f* ready to leave the past behind (past=letting go all ill feelings/regrets/fuck ups/sad sacks/doubts/leftover residues)..........Like I said THIS morning i have asked no *demanded* my FS to finally show up! do his thing! bring about w/out shadow of doubt who/what and all that FS/FL is all about. as i am tired of waiting /and isn't this f* WALK IN is all about ? instead of deely dally upgraded yes but still so slow blow....TODAY jupiter stations..( made sense why i ademantly demanded early 4am) ....tomorrow jup direct no more excuses no more delay f*kin get it on then already! .>>>>>>THIS is how i am heralding creating bringing forth these once in lifetime eclipses w/ once in lifetime event desire ..The Manifestation of my FL Completely Alternate Intelligence Realm. Asked /Told /Demanded my FS <3J to f*show up do it to it. HE is ON. its all on him /all about him..its show time m*f* ! let me watch you NOW.............>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.The eclipse, happening midweek at 20 degrees Cancer, is a powerful one. With the energy this supersized cosmic cocktails, there will be some major directional changes as we close one chapter and prepare for a brand new one, unencumbered by the ‘same ole’ sad songs. New career, relationships and opportunities will be opening up.

post above is 4 f*face.dh for deleting my fbomb posts - how dare u when ur mouth is just as filthier than any :/

Let this be your eclipse theme 4 gotz 2 follow thru starting first 1@7/12 (new moon solar eclipses all about NEW beginning pre-requisites on how your  FS*FLife will unfold & manifest ) 

------------------ I have Uranus 19 cancer but in 3rd house what does that mean to 20 degrees? Is no longer opp with pluto?

AstroWeather NYC Yes, 19 Cancer is opposite Pluto, he’s at 20 degrees Capricorn… Capricorn is directly opposite Cancer. We would have to see what natal aspects Your personal planets make. Look for all Planet approx 16 - 23 degrees of any sign

My pluto leo 22 in 4th house mars Sag 20 in 8th house jupiter gem 18 in 2nd house. So it doesn’t matter about their houses it’s the degree that’s affected? With all these opposition will that be bad new moon then? How can I make it work for me??

AstroWeather NYC This is the first of a series of eclipse points that will happen on the Cancer / Capricorn axis. The series is ‘a wrap’ by the middle of 2020. From this one until the end is the perfect ground, for healing, growing things, new construction, building of any type as well as making manifest the off spring of your body and mind. Creating, by using your talents and inspirations, in a caring, mystical, compassionate and passionate manner will transform your world. This is a period where and when you can make some serious loving connections that provide safety, security and protection. Pluto will bring up feelings. Harsh ones… Remember that Life is a flux - things flow in and things flow out - like the ebb and flow of the tide. When you shut down one flow, it cuts off all others. In addition, It is the meaning that you attach that makes these feelings unacceptable or acceptable. It is your resistance that makes them painful. Like life and death they are two sides of the same coin, if you stop one then you no longer have the other, death can not exist without life…….. nor can life exists without death….Thanks Dee

August 8 2018

Stop looking outside for help. You’re sourced and fuelled and funded by a renewable resource, which is within you. It never runs out. It is your Essence. It’s your life.

Source is now always available as a two way process.The Star Gate flows are constant - it doesn’t have to be a flare or solar wind storm day to receive these codes. Your own magnetics are adjusting as you migrate realities to where the Higher Self Can Express Right Through the Physical.

This is the pivotal shift from quaint 3D beliefs that days of loaded significance somehow delivered magic that rubbed off on you - the old seductive /dramatic event/ passive view of how the cosmos operates. And now we know different……we know that energy is neutral, that it is you who makes meaning and that magic happens when you make it. The I Ching hexagram for the Magician is “1 Chien The Creative”. Sometimes -as in this eclipse tunnel- the planetary weather reads “Storms,Hurricanes and Explosions”; sometimes it reads" Calm and Sunny" but whatever the backdrop, YOU CREATE UR OWN EXPERIENCE THROUGH WHAT U BELIEVE AND THE CHOICES U THINK U HAVE. YES WE CAN DO TRUE MAGIC-ALBEIT UP TO NOW UNCONSCIOUS AND RANDOM W/C ONLY BRINGS MIXED RESULTS

What each and every curve of the cosmic cycle brings are moments of chairos - time vectors when events and their resonance to your unique birth mandala conspire to crack open your tiny perspective to the Truth that your mind is not a camera but a projector and that you don’t have to believe your own thinking. “There’s a mysterious door that appears when we stop attaching ourselves to the comfort of what we believe to be are our obstacles. This is where the light of our inner fire appears. This is where we start to see, feel and listen. This is where we stop pretending. And this is where we no longer seek refuge outside of ourselves…” Tanya Lee Markul

🌒🌓🌔🌕⭐⚡☀⚡⭐🌕🌔🌓🌒🌰⭐🌱🌿🍀🎆🌋🎇🌠🔮🔔💰💰💰💰💸💸💸💳💳💳💸💸💸💰💰💰🍀🌿🍀🌿💰 😍😍😍😂🤣😂😆 **hugs**🤗 🤗💗💗 **luv**💕💞💕**likes**& lots of **kisses**💋💞💋🌟💃💃💃🌟✌. ✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️💥🔥⚡️✨🌠✨ 😍😍😍😍.😂🤣😂😆 hot 2 trot 🔥🔥🔥🔥🌀🌀🌀🌀 🐷🐮🐥🐢🐬🐺 🐇 🐥🐢🐬🐱🐶✌💞🎨🎯😇 🎥🖱📡📲📰🌈🏖 🎪🎪🍰🍰💰💰💰😇 🌷☘🌺🌳🌻🍀🌾⚘🌸🍃🌿😍😍😍😍😂🤣😂😆🌟🌟🌟💃🌟✌🌋🌊🌈🎆🎇🎉🎊🔓🔆🔓💰💸💳🔅📈🏁🍚⬆⬇↕🔄✳✴🌊🌈🌒🌓🌔🌕🌠⭐⚡🌋🎆🎇🎆🎉🎊🎍💸💸💸✴✳✳✳✳↕↕↕↕🎆🎇🌋✴✳🐇🐸🍀🌰🌱🌼🍀🍀🍀🌻🌺🍀🍀 🎆🎇🎉🎊🔆💸💸💸💰💰💰💳🔅📈🏁 ❣️💕💞💘👍😍💥 🌞🌟💃🏻✳✴🌊🌈🌒🌓🌔🌕🌠⭐⚡🌋🎆🎇🎆 ARIES WEEK AHEAD FORECAST: 5 - 12 August 2018 Watch your spirits lift from Tuesday as Venus lights up your relationship zone, smoothing over problems and putting you centre stage by shining the spotlight of attraction on you. Then on Saturday the 11th a New Moon eclipse in Leo sets the scene for PASSION, CREATIVITY, ROMANCE. After months of hard work and challenges, gift yourself some time out for socialising, travelling and exploring intriguing new avenues for TURNing what was side HOBBY INTO A LUCRATIVE INCOME STREAM. If your old plans fall apart, tell yourself that the eclipse will bring you something or someone even better.

THROW YOUR SCHEDULE AWAY AND GO WITH THE FLOW.

YOU CREATE UR OWN EXPERIENCE THROUGH WHAT U BELIEVE AND THE CHOICES U THINK U HAVE…& YES U CAN DO TRUE MAGIC-ALBEIT Be The F* Magician and manifest non tangeable non physical to HARD CASSSSSH

[keshetchai]

Hi @princessnijireiki THESE WERE MY THOUGHTS IN RESPONSE TO UR AMAZING THOUGHTS

  And I just sort of thought, if God is traditionally in all things, including us in terms of souls, etc., God cannot be separated from pain; God IS us & God IS healing & God is also suffering in and of itself… not that pain is divine or being in pain is a path TO God & understanding (though that is some OLD SCHOOL Christian meditative practices), but that God hurts, too.

 BUT that also reminds me of the explanation of Martin Buber's I-Thou philosophy. i’m putting this under a cut because it’s SUPER LONG but yeah. good stuff to think on imo.

Granted, I haven't read the book, I've only read summaries of his ideas, so I'll just briefly summarize what I understand. Buber proposes there are two types of 'relationships' the "I-It" and the "I-Thou." In the I-It relationship, it's sort of...between the self and another objective entity (so like self-object/objectified entity relationship). Like othering someone, or having an Other is an I-It relationship. But the I-Thou is a different kind of relationship: "By contrast, the word pair I-Thou describes the world of relations. This is the "I" that does not objectify any "It" but rather acknowledges a living relationship. I-Thou relationships are sustained in the spirit and mind of an "I" for however long the feeling or idea of relationship is the dominant mode of perception." So I-Thou is a relationship where a person relates to another entity as whole and complete (subject to subject relating as opposed to subject-object). 

Another website summarized: "In contrast to this the “I-It” relation is driven by categories of “same” and “different” and focuses on universal definition. An “I-It” relation experiences a detached thing, fixed in space and time, while an “I-Thou” relation participates in the dynamic, living process of an “other." Buber calls God the Eternal Thou - an I-Thou relationship being without barriers and in all people and all things. Or basically: "One who truly meets the world goes out also to God." 

 So yeah! It can be a suuuuuuuper Jewish idea to say that God IS us, in ALL things, without being divided or divisible, God just is in everything. God is the Eternal Thou. Buber (from what I understand) believes all I-Thou interactions ultimately brings us into the ultimate I-Thou relationship with God.

 > If we are to accept at face value that we are made in the image of God and act as stewards in a world which we not only interact with, but are not above— we’re still a PART of the world, ecosystem, etc.— God as sort of Itself AND this legion mass of the UNIVERSES, in each individual part & in whole, including us, then God is complicated & probably not always okay. 

 THERE'S ALSO LIKE the idea that not ONLY do we exist in God's image, and therefore we can "see" the image of God in all people - compelling us to (hopefully) treat other people with respect/dignity/compassion/etc -- but ALSO that we were given God's breath/spark/light to carry within us. There's like midrashic stories about God bringing light into each individual (since God is one and in everything), but also the fact that God "-formed man of dust from the ground, and He breathed into his nostrils the soul of life, and man became a living soul." So God's breath is given to the first human - the existence of God is also many, many things at once. Allll the time. 

 Plus like we (as humans) often try to ascribe morality to things that aren't necessarily going to have human morals anyways. Does the tsunami that murders millions of innocents really operate on a level of being good or evil? It's a force of nature. It doesn't respond in Good or Evil terms, it exists as a natural part of the universe. A volcano isn't good or evil, it just is, and it exists, and it has its own internal code of existence and purpose. God then, presents an interesting issue like -- God (at least in the Torah) outlines a code of ethics for humans and humanity. 

And it's when God proposes A.) going against God's own previous promise after the Flood and B.) suggests something against the principle of the Ethics God has been slowly giving to humanity -- THAT IS WHEN Abraham tells God something is wrong "Far be it from you!" Does God exist beyond human ethics UNTIL God created human ethics, which humans then expected God to also adhere to? (Hypothetically, If you assume God exists exactly as they appear in the Torah) Or did human ethics define the parameters of God's Ethics/Morality? Or is God just a force of nature which exists beyond our limits of morality -- but whose purpose is the creation of the world, the continued existence of the universe, and the formation of humanity and human ethics -- in the same way a volcano exists and is able to erupt or go dormant, but can also create magma and lava, can enrich soil, expand land masses, super heat the local land and make things like obsidian, etc. 

A LOT of the WHOLE IDEA of a covenant with God implies that with God's giving us commandments and moral laws....God must also uphold themselves/their end of the bargain which is....fascinating. IDK IDK God vs. Ethics vs. Humanity is FASCINATING and how it can even be approached is so wildly different for everyone's understanding of God and how God should or shouldn't "act."

 > And between that and then also different ideas on like— if that DOES matter, and why (in terms of a “design” or “fate” to everything, or bad things happening MUST serve a greater purpose, or even just “this will be tallied up to determine my afterlife” vs. the idea of divine judgement as sth possibly more complex or less “just” than that, or the afterlife as it’s commonly thought of as nonexistent), it indicates more of that same hierarchical view of theology & faith that non-Christian & non-diasporan/non-syncretic religions handle very differently? 

 YUP. It's like....well no, we don't NEED to suffer to achieve something better after death or to become "better" people. But in reverse we can become better people if we better the world, and the world is bettered when there is less suffering. (Aka Fuck off Mother Theresa).

Or like the idea that God or gods are static, vs. a force that evolves even with atrocities & pain… like there are New World exclusive orixas & loa in contrast with Yoruban sourceland practices, specifically created & responded to as a force in reaction to both fusion with/forced containment masquerading as Catholicism, and to the Middle Passage itself… or on a lighter note, how Hopi Sacred Clowns literally change to reflect the times, not in “spirit,” but in execution & appearance, in the same way as those comparison photos of people reading newspapers on a train and people on their smartphones. Which are admittedly examples from faith practices where “God” or a Godhead or spiritual holy entities are not necessarily or inherently all-good, all-powerful, and all-knowing by design; nor is that demonized. But New World vodou & santerx practices ARE often specifically linked with Catholicism, even when they seem at odds with each other. 

 BUT THAT ALSO HAPPENS IN TORAH!!!! Someone a little bit back made a post about decolonizing our Judaism and our relationships to Judaism and it's like....well, shit, yeah. Colonialism and Christianity go hand in hand in the modern world, and Judaism is often obscured by Colonialism's misuse and abuse of the "Old Testament." 

 ....But well, it's an indigenous religion of a tribal people who've always lived in/related to a specific land, used a specific language, and shared a base culture/customs with regional variations. (I love visiting the Ancient Israel/Canaan wing of the museum I work in for this reason it's so....awesome to see the objects that came out of this time period TBH). So you've got this religion which frankly really truly reflects the needs of its people and the existence of its people. It's why so much of Torah seems weird or outdated or what have you to people today! Like of COURSE we may not relate to the lives of a bunch of people living in Israel 3,000 years ago as a nomadic people. Of COURSE some of the laws seem bizarre - the first five books talk about the lives of people living outside of the very first cities, practicing a type of religion (monotheism) which really, didn't exist elsewhere.

 Judaism gave Israelites an ancestral God, but one that was shared amongst ALL the tribes. It was a God that existed before the nation (so not a national pantheon) and yet the tribes became the nation-kingdom of Ancient Israel, so the religion preceded the state. AND yet, ancient Jews could (and did) live in other states and maintained their ancestral religion. And despite the fact that so many of the holidays are tied to life in Eretz Yisrael, they were maintained in diaspora!!! (RELATED: It's Tu B'shevat next week i think, so happy Birthday to the Trees. It will be a time to plant trees in Israel. Or like, anywhere, you want, I guess.) Like we still celebrate the harvest season in Israel across the world - so parts of the religion are so directly tied to life in Israel, especially an agricultural life which has been on-going forEVER, and yet is has evolved so so so much to grow and expand and exist beyond that. 

The concepts of God grew and changed with Israel (both the people "Israel" and the land by the same name) just as much as religion itself did. And that's even seen in the growth/change/manifestations of God in the Torah - like God starts out in the garden and makes Adam and Chava (Eve) clothing before they leave the garden. God/Angels later visit Abraham as travelers to be met outside his tent. God wrestles Isaac. But then God shows up as a burning bush. God shows up as a voice. God becomes a pillar of WHIRLING FLAMES. God is a guiding pillar of light and then a huge cloud of shade for the wandering Israelites in the desert - which is very different from the God that, in Eden, made Adam and Chava clothing to wear. God evolves not only for the situation and context, but for human needs (light, shade, water, protection, as a friendly stranger, etc.) God was never static even in Torah, even in the Tanakh as a whole. I mean God literally for a long time becomes an entity which "rests" in the Ark amongst a nomadic people. It's a God box that goes with them in a literal, physical way. But then the Temple is built, and God's throne is there - but also God remains with the people still, simultaneously. 

It again, feels like God exists everywhere, but appears/materializes in ways that humans want and feel comfortable with and/or however they most need. Adam and Chava needed the God who would make them clothes before sending them out of Eden. When God needs to be a supernatural force of miracles and wonder - then God is a bush on fire speaking to Moses - THAT is a God that is not being anthropomorphic but instead otherworldly - a God that can and will bring about a massive change in the social order and make possible the "impossible" - liberation from slavery. Then again, the Israelites need something that will lead them through the desert - a pillar of light, a cloud for shade and resting that quite literally leads the way - a God that guides them but also is portable and goes with them places -- until they settle into a kingdom, where God can also "settle" on the Temple Mount. 

 But anyways yeah it's....definitely a God which can relate to humanity in many different contextual ways and isn't some huge authoritarian UNCHANGING being. God, for better or worse, also seems to be learning how to be God to humans (Justice requiring mercy, requiring empathy, and understanding, learning....patience, lmao...) as much as humans are defining what they need from God. And like, that, I feel is part of the issue of "well Jewish God is an indigenous concept/God figure to Israel (the people/land)" versus "Christian God, which layers on the lens of the 'Old Testament' vs 'New Testament' is a God that is explicitly, and (I would argue foundationally) a part of Western Colonialism." Christian God was utilized as an authoritarian figure in colonialism to create it, to perpetuate/sustain it, and to legitimize it. 

The Colonial Christian God exists with all these problems that really can't (in my mind) ever be fully or completely solved with a definitive answer. On the other hand, post-colonial, syncretic, and indigenous religions either create answers or ways to "mend" over them, or don't see it as a binary either/or issue. In Judaism, the way to "solve' the problem of All-perfect/all-good/all-knowing is usually "Let's keep asking these questions. It's okay to ask them, and we may have many possible answers. If God is not these things, then what do we demand of or expect from God?" BUT a religion which is being appropriated for Colonialism cannot really allow so much questioning to be asked or consideration of alternative routes or answers because then the Colonial power [here, the Church] loses its authority and control over the people it is subjugating.

 Like you said, "that structure is the “universal” norm which has survived & outlasted other “versions” of Christianity because those other interpretations were discouraged, removed from holy texts (the history of the Christian Bible & its translations through history is WILD), or persecuted (sometimes violently), on purpose." It NEEDED to remain as a structure in Christianity. Where Christianity survived and spread through this framework of a particular version of God, particular morals, "saving" or "damnation," etc -- Judaism survived (in many ways) on the exact opposite - to maintain itself it simultaneously became regimented/structured, and "set" in very specific rules, but ALSO it was fluid, adaptable, and changing. The legalistic mindset of Jewish law means that what is said to be "clear cut" in one place is actually debated over millennia, with rulings that can affect local communities differently, or with authorities being decentralized, and that questioning, debate, argument, AND tradition go hand in hand in a way that keeps it sustainable.

[tiredbiplantlady]

i don’t want to take meds - i hate anti-depressants and they’ve never done anything for me except weight gain and horrific withdrawal experiences. idk what else to do at this point. I don’t want anti-depressants. I love my therapist but he comes at everythng from a spiritual standpoint because I invited it initially (I know he isn’t open about that stuff with just anybody) and it’s like, “I don’t have a disorder all I need to do is recognize that everything is me, i am every disorder and everyone has every symptom of every disorder in them at some point and We Are All One and every person has every good thing and every bad thing in them~~ and if I just realize this and stop fighting it and telling myself im fucked up then I’ll magically get better because perception is all it takes”. 

Like I do believe that perception matters A LOT but the process to changing your perception when its something you’ve had your whole life isn’t EASY. At this point I feel like I talk to him because I want validation and care from him, but the last few sessions have been like “what are you doing to help me?” because a lot of it is just “change your perception” and me feeling like he’s getting bored of me because I was doing so well on this “spiritual high” and now I’m back where I started and he’s disappointed, baffled and annoyed I can’t just stop self-criticizing and hating. I’m fucking sorry I’m not good enough. 

He doesn’t acknowledge the things that happen to me as psychological disturbances that might need treatment, he’s basically like “so what if you had a manic episode? that’s just a word society puts on a supernatural experience that’s actually a gift you should appreciate, stop talking about yourself as ‘mentally ill’ because you’re not, you’re just in tune with the universe more than other people which is a blessing and curse”. Like it’s nice to hear and when it comes to spiritual beliefs, I believe lots of the same things as him, but it BOTHERS me that no attempt has been made to address this. Me having what was CLEARLY hypomania at the least if not being manic and now CLEARLY having a depressive episode is evidence something needs to be done. Like, he acts like the only reason people are depressed or schizophrenic or something is because of spiritual misalignments, like people turn schizophrenic because they fail to integrate themselves and have supernatural powers and have Kundalini awakenings that “turn them mad” because they don’t know how to cope with it. He acts like being depressed and self-loathing is a failure to meditate hard enough build up your heart chakra and that taking meds closes your third eye or something. Like he legitimately talks about these things and I’m all about spiritual stuff, but taken to this level like???? He was acting like “I thought you cleared a blockage in your soul when you were ‘manic’ but i guess i was wrong, guess you didn’t become more enlightened” and it hurt. 

He has helped me so much and I appreciate him but I feel like I have one foot in this world of spiritual insanity where nothing is real and maybe my “mental illness” really is within my control and I’ve just convinced myself it’s not and I need to meditate more and do all these weird things and keep not taking meds...and the other foot planted in the scientific reality most people around me in my field live in. At times I feel crazy because the things he says don’t line up with the things that I’m taught and I wonder if I’m just wrong about everything. Why can’t both things be true? Why can’t I believe I’m mentally ill and need help from psychiatric drugs without it meaning that “defining myself as mentally ill is setting a limitation that I will only use as an excuse to hold myself back”. There are times I legit wonder if he has some schizotypal stuff going on because he has randomly started talking to me about aliens and stuff and he genuinely believes all the things he says, that or he’s truly deeply sadistically fucking with me, which I don’t believe at all is the case. 

I legitimately think it’s possible I’m bipolar and need treatment, and the only way I’m going to get any acknowledgement about it is if I talk to a psychiatrist which I don’t want to do because it’s scary to me. I’m afraid they’ll force me to take something, tell me I can’t get my anxiety meds if I won’t take anti-depressants and hold me hostage like that between choices, or institutionalize me. I’m afraid of bipolar medications like lithium because over time they cause physical tremors, which you then have to take medications for, like you end up taking meds to help with the side effects of your other meds and I hate putting shit in my body like that. i don’t judge people for doing what they feel is best, but personally i don’t like the idea of putting medications that effect my brain in my body especially when no one tells you the whole story - it’s just like the BDSM thing. You only get anti or pro perspectives and never have anyone straight up with you about it, psychiatrists just act like meds are Great!!! and Never Hurt You~~ or ever Fuck Up Your Life and Brain Function :) there are side effects, but who cares about those on this understudied, pimped out drug??? lol ur fine, just TAKE IT. I don’t like that and I want someone to just be real with me, like this might help your mood, but it’s likely that X will happen and it’s up to you what you want to do. 

I want to be hypomanic again. Everything was good then and I felt invincible and perfect and powerful. Now I feel like shit. Why can’t I get the hypomania and get rid of the depression. Idk I guess I did some dumb shit at the time tho and fucked a lot of stuff up without a second thought because I didn’t even care, I just felt so good and certain and just KNEW things without people having to say them.