#that affects you that can happen to you. ive been places where I had to sign waivers like that

[conspiring-limabean]

I don’t know who needs to hear this and it’s astounding that a lot of people do need to hear this but the sub situation isn’t just “some rich bozos died who cares about them don’t pay any mind to it” type situation. like. the normalization of companies selling devices to people that are not approved by any group and causing death because of it directly affects you. The lack of laws in international waters regulating safety measures affects you. The idea that a company can legally shove people into an unregulated machine that kills them affects you. if anything I hope to god that this draws attention to the fact that governments need to do more to pay attention to companies that do shit like this

[nmn-yty]

— ๋࣭ ⭑࿐ leaning on you ˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚ ⁀➷

read other parts first!!! : part 1 — part 2

pairing: lee know x reader

summary: you somehow managed to cross the line with your bunny, can it be pleasurable for the both of you?

tags: 「NSFW! 18+ only! smut | hybrid!lee know | referring to lee know as minho | hybrid wanting to mate | needy!lee know makes a return | humping/thighjob | nipple play | unprotected sex (i dont condone!) | anal | orgasms for both^^ | cuddles are here i promise | reader has no gender」

word count: 2.5k

a/n: hello! i severely apologize to all of you who have been waiting for this part to come out :( ive been struggling to find time to continue to write, and the motivation with it... but here it is! seriously... i can't explain how much i appreciate all of the love you guys have given to my stories♡ im so happy you guys love bunny lee know so much! i also wanted to keep this as neutral as possible regarding the reader (hence the anal) but you can switch it out in your imagination! (i wanted to have all readers to be able to enjoy!) also this is my first smut story being uploaded... i hope you guys have a good read><!!!~

(special shoutout to @omgsecretsecret for helping me edit this part♡)

+ stylized lowercase, missing punctuation (not done on purpose), and minimal revisions

"so do bunnies like you experience everything a human should?"

you didn't know why your mind was drifting towards this direction. for as long as you had minho in your house, you were sure your relationship would be 100% platonic. he was adorable as hell, eased your mind whenever any worries came to you, and was always there by your side. did that give you clearance to make a move on him? you didn't want to ruin the perfect relationship you two had, but you have needs, and you were wondering if he had the ability to share those same needs.

minho paused for a moment, sitting oddly still while you sat above him. you were sitting on the edge of your bed, playing with his hair while he sat on the floor with his head leaning against the mattress. his head was almost at a distance where you could press your thighs against each side of his face, but you resisted enough so the lingering thoughts of teasing him went away.

he turned around briefly to face you, "what do you mean by 'everything'?"

your face began to flush after you realized how insensitive your question could've been.

"not to pry or anything but... aren't bunnies known for... having a high sex drive?" you spat out quickly before your confidence faded away.

his eyes widened, this is the first time youve seen him this shocked at your words. he was too shocked to even reply to you, not that he had anything ready in his mind. you could feel his presence tense up and you wanted to steer clear of whatever dirty path your mind seemed to wander on. he didn't say anything and just turned back around, finally leaning into your thigh. he wrapped one arm around your leg, feeling your cool skin calming down his burning face. having him so close to you when you wanted to run away in shame felt strange. you were always used to being close to minho, but the sudden affection, especially after that moment, was out of place. your leg started to warm up because of his face. starting to relax a bit, you realized that it wasn't the right time to head across that line.

you smiled and started to play with his hair again, looping each little section around your finger into curls. they eventually sprung back to its natural shape once you let go. minho loved this time with you, when all you did was leave your worries for that day and focused on him. it was his favorite thing to do while being with you. he still carried the thought in his mind, 'maybe something would happen during my need for mating'. only time could tell the new moments you two would experience together.

during the late night, you and minho were cuddling in bed. it wasn't strange for the both of you anymore. you knew that minho felt more comfortable knowing that you kept him safe. cuddling with him was the least you could do to comfort him.

this night felt different though. the question you asked earlier felt like a reach into unwanted territories. you wanted him to expand on his feelings, but at the end of the day he was a shy bunny who got flustered easier than you thought.

unsure of your next thoughts, you closed your eyes and tried your best to go to sleep as soon as you could. feeling rustling from behind you, minho's presence inched closer to you. the movement didn't stop, you could feel him shaking now. was it too cold in the room? you stayed as still as possible, trying to make out the noise coming from him. he was whimpering softly, almost like he needed something desperately.

"m-minho?"

you turned around to face him, tears were welling up in his eyes. he was clearly distraught about something but you had no clue what happened. your heart sank, was it because of the invasive conversation from earlier?

he sniffed softly, trying to make out words but ultimately getting choked up.

"i... i need..."

his eyes glanced down to the bottom half of his body. tentatively scanning his body as to what he was trying to point out, the last and most obvious thing you noticed was a slight twitch coming from his crotch, the cloth sticking up as well.

'fuck... is this really happening?' you thought to yourself. you managed to repress and bury all the inappropriate thoughts you had about minho, but he was about to fuel it once again. his face was as pink as ever, in desperate need for your warm touch.

"is this what i think it is?"

"mating tendencies... yeah... i-ive never experienced it while being human, i dont know if it will feel the same. but i r-really need..."

he was huffing between words, stuttering as well.

"let me think for a second."

you turned facing away from him. rubbing your thighs together, trying to hold back the good aching feeling rising within, you couldn't help but panic for a second. would you help him out because he's in pain and needs to relieve himself? how would this moment affect your relationship moving forward? would it be a normal occurrence, or only during his need to mate? would it be better to just ignore it and try hold on to whatever you two had going on when you first met?

your rushing thoughts were interrupted by something warm, sticky, and hard. something poking at your thighs, trying to squeeze itself in between.

you couldn't help but let out a small yelp. that feeling began to rise in you. there was no way things were going back to how they used to be. the movement kept progressing, you glanced down in front of yourself to find the head of minho's cock against your thighs. you wanted nothing more than to take him, take his body, and pleasure the both of you were bound to have.

"minho please.." you reached down towards his cock, ready to progress. he misunderstood and took it as you wanting to stop. he pulled away, hesitantly, already missing the softness of your thighs.

"mm sorry... i j-just need.."

"hey," you turned around slightly to grab his face. you flashed him a small grin, making sure he didn't feel guilty for acting this way around you. "it's okay."

a tear started to stream down one side of his face. your reassurance made him slide himself back in between your thighs. you wondered how it was possible for it to feel so good on your bare skin. you had shorts on but it all of a sudden became more hot under the blankets. your thighs were coated in a thin layer of his precum. he gripped onto your body for a better stroke pattern.

sweet little moans erupted from behind you. minho was the one engulfing your body with his tall stature against you. however, you felt like you were in charge at the moment. letting your sweet bunny try and cum from your body was more than enough for you to start to get horny yourself.

slipping a hand under your shirt, you began to play with your nipples slowly. you shut your eyes and leaned more into minho's chest, hoping that he wouldn't catch you in the act. sweet little huffs turned into loud groans, he was in a trance and he hadn't even started to properly explore your body. he had ultimately noticed you leaning more into him, even arching your back. he wanted you to feel comfortable and not worry as much about trying to relieve yourself on your own. although you were the one trying to help him, he wanted to be the one to help you with your release too.

"let me.. please?" he said while placing his hand on top of yours, wanting to take your place on your chest. you moved your hand down in defeat, it was impossible to say no to him. his hands felt warm on your bare skin. swirling his fingers around you and occasionally pulling, your nipples hardened more and more. your breath started to get unsteady as you wanted more. shivers ran throughout your whole body.

gently breaking the contact of his cock and your thighs, you turned your whole body around to face him. you locked eyes with him and all the guilt and doubts you had in your mind about you two went away. his cock began to twitch at the loss of warmth. you suddenly placed your hand on him, slowly stroking and gliding on him, your hand becoming a sticky mess. he let out a strong huff and tilted his head back. you both were seeing stars. minho was unable to fathom that you were finally touching him, taking in all the strength to not cum right then and there. you were also shocked at how good you felt. seeing his reaction made you more comfortable and ready to move further.

grabbing your face with both hands, he placed a passionate, wet kiss on your lips. his tongue was determined and he kept moving his mouth in ways that sent you to heaven. pulling away to see your reaction, he smiled, "im still all yours, remember?" his voice just became more sexy to you than ever. you quickly locked lips with him again, smiling through it all. his lips were soft and plump from all the action, he bit the bottom of your lip to signal he needed some air. both of you sharing the same blushing expression.

he tried to drag your body back around but ultimately needed assistance. helping him out, you turned around immediately. sticking your ass out on his bare cock, you moved your hips up and down. minho was at his breaking point. he nudged his mouth near your ear, slowly dragging your shorts and underwear down. "please? let me put it in... i need to feel you.." his breath was hot and low on your ear. you were surprised you hadn't melted into a puddle yet.

you didn't say anything. you were too drunk off of the bliss feeling lingering throughout your whole body. you placed a hand on top of his that was resting on your hip. he took that as a sign to start.

not a second to waste, he lodged his entire length into your ass, letting out a deep moan into your ear. you arched your back more and almost choked up on the intense yelp you let out. he filled you up so good, it barely hurt from all the precum he was dripping with. he also took his time on the first stroke, pulling out his length so you knew how its absence would feel. you squeezed his hand, wanting more.

he slowly stroked back in, his high coming back harder this time. you felt like your heart was going to explode. his slow rhythm became more loud and sloppy, the wetness spreading throughout your bodies. syncing your moans with each pump, you instinctively rolled your tongue to hang out and pant more. you wanted this feeling to last for as long as possible.

the pace began to increase, and minho wasn't holding back on his moans. this whole time he was in his human form, but this much work was bound to make him change. you didn't notice at first, but his bunny ears appeared and drooped down, gently caressing your face. being in his hybrid form made him more bunny like, it made him go faster. the rhythm was so irresistible, it was fast but gentle, hitting you in all the right places. you felt yourself being filled with more fluid, gliding himself became easier than before.

he held onto your body even closer and tighter. minho started to felt bad about involving you in this situation, but you did want to be closer to him in this way. he wanted to make sure you felt satisfied, so he held himself back and focused the pleasure going to you. the final stretch of your rising heat and the steady rhythm snapped you out of your trance.

"s-slower, please minh-ho," you whined out. you couldn't tell, but he began to smirk at the way his name sounded in that tone. it drove him crazy, the fact that he was actually making you a complete mess. you wanted to savor this addictive feeling, but the slower strokes made your body greedy.

it all came rushing in at once, you let out one last yelp as you rode through your high. minho helped you by holding on to your shaking body.

the sight of your worn body filled himself with so much pride, he was shocked that he hadn't came yet. "did that feel good?" his voice was low and velvety in your ears again.

"y-yes," you managed to whisper out. still sensitive, you could feel him twitching around your walls, which made you choke slightly between breaths. he was trying his best not to move too much, but his body wasn't on his side.

you wanted to help him, but first you needed to recover. he moved his head to your neck, slowly sucking and kissing around to make sure you were okay. his sweet behavior was very calming, especially after the first orgasm you experienced with him.

"dont you want to cum too?" your question snapped him back to the situation at hand.

"can i?"

you nodded lazily, about to doze off at any minute. however, minho was quick to return to his rough pace, making your eyes steady again. he buried his head back onto you, acting like the shy bunny you knew too. the deeper and harder he pumped, he suddenly whispered a quick 'fuck' under his breath, pulling out of you. he grabbed his dick and painted your ass with his warm, thick cum.

it was beautiful, seeing how happy he was to finally get his first orgasm as a human. he pressed his body up against you, getting all the cum and sweat on his body as well. he didn't mind it though, he was too tired to clean up.

he looked drained, you noticed the beads of sweat all over his face and body. he was glistening with a new aura, and he looked like the most beautiful thing in the world. he still managed to give you a crooked smile, letting you know it was a good experience. you started to get flustered, even though you two just experienced the most intimate action ever.

you changed your position, letting your face sit on his chest. you buried and hid your red face from him. he gently reached up to pet your head, soothing you to sleep.

waking up to minho distanced away, you couldn't help but pull him back into a cuddle. he had quickly turned back into his bunny form to recharge from the actions that took place last night. he didn't flinch at all from the movement, he just slowed his breathing down as he was surrounded by a sudden warmth. you couldn't help but feel a little sorry about the sacrifice he took today. you pet his body slowly, kissing his head gently. you wanted to apologize for the state he was in now, but he was the one who made sure that it was okay to go through with in the first place.

♥︎taglist: @lailac13 @palindrome969 @lunathewonyoungstan @syedazarintasnim @yourlocalstayyxi @yukichan67 @qwonyoung23 @cupidcures @verynormalsstuff @leezanetheofficial @brainrotahahaha @kim-hao-han @b0os-jellfyfish @l33felix @wirwirfr @skzmylove75 @katsukis1wife @zyoopioo @katsukisloveinterest

© nmn-yty ★ 7.15.2024

[castiwls]

one day - d.w

Paring; dean x reader

Requested; anon

Synopsis;Dean winchester and you had always been close. Destined to fall in love almost, yet nothing good can last forever.(kinda based on the book/series 'one day')

Warnings; mentions of death

Notes;complete truth ive never seen or read the book so I reseaeched it as well as I could. This genuinely made me tear up writing but I hope you enjoy :)

Masterlist

[2005]

“Here.” Dean nudged your shoulder with him before passing you a beer. You smiled mumbling a small thanks before looking back to the horizon in front of you. The sun had just started to set casting the field in an almost golden glow as you both sat quietly.

His leg pressed against yours as he sat down, your backs against the side of his car. A long breath left his lips as he leaned his head against the car for a moment his eyes moved from the sky to watch you as you slowly sipped on the drink, a small smile playing on your lips.

‘When did you say you were leaving again?” You turned your head tensing slightly when you realised how close he was now. A small blush grew on your cheeks as your breath seemed to catch for a moment before you managed to compose yourself. 

If Dean was affected by the sudden proximity he didn’t show it. He hummed quietly pursing his lips in thought for a moment. “Monday. Dad said to meet him in Jericho.” You nodded a small pit of disappointment growing in your stomach. Monday was only three days away.

“Monday.” You repeated taking another sip of your drink. Dean’s arm curled around your shoulder shifting you slightly closer. “I wish you’d come round more.” You sighed reaching down to intertwine your fingers with his. “I miss you.” 

Dean’s eyes trailed down to where you’d intertwined your hands and he gently squeezed your hand. “You could come with me.” His eyes lit up slightly at the idea. 

You sighed. “Dean we both know that's not possible.” He seemed to deflate slightly before blowing out a breath. “I know, I know.” He shook his head, a small chuckle leaving his lips. “Plus, I think Bobby would actually kill me.” 

A laugh of your own espaced your lips. “That’s very likely.” 

Dean couldn’t help the smile which spread across his face again as he watched you laugh beside him. The sound alone left his heart fluttering, he’d always prided himself on his ability to make you smile no matter the situation.

He’d quickly learnt that one of his favourite things was seeing you happy and he’d do anything to make sure that happened. After a moment you fell quiet, your head resting on his shoulder as he squeezed you closer. 

He leaned down pressing his lips to your head for a long moment before settling back against the car. 

Truthfully a large part of him was dreading your impending goodbye. Hunting was taking up more and more of his time and in turn, he found himself with less and less free time and in turn less time to see you. 

The selfish part of him wanted to take you with him. Keep you by his side at all times but he knew you didn’t want that. You’d spent endless hours as kids and teenagers talking about your future plans and hunting was simply something you weren’t interested in.

Sure, you had the training and you knew more than enough to take on the job but it had never called to you in the way it seemed to Dean. 

The sun continued to set casting the world into greyscale as you both continued to sit there, mindlessly talking about anything and everything. 

A small yawn escaped your lips as you placed the bottle down beside you. Dean’s hand squeezed your shoulder. “Ready to head back?” He stretched his free arm over his head before moving to stand.

He held out a hand to you, which you quickly grasped. You stumbled slightly as you stood placing a hand on his chest to steady yourself. Dean grinned. “One drink and you're already falling over.”

You shook your head swatting at his arm. “Shut up.”

He laughed wrapping an arm around your shoulder. “Someone can’t handle her drink.” He teased. “Dean!” You scolded. “I can handle my drink just fine thank you very much.” You pulled back from his side after a moment moving to stand in front of him. 

You studied his face for a moment, memorising every inch. “When will you be back?” He sighed pushing his hands into his pockets. “Soon. I promise.” 

He took a small step forward. “I’ll phone, every night alright.” He pulled a hand from his pocket reaching up to gently brush your jaw. “Be careful. Please.” You hated him hunting. You’d find yourself spending most of your days in an anxious haze waiting with bated breath to hear his voice. To know that he was alive.

He brushed his thumb over your cheek. “I always am.” He leaned down pressing his lips to your head. “You're not getting rid of me that easily.”

—

“You sure you can’t stay just one more day?”

Dean laughed quietly shaking his head. “Afraid not.” He wrapped an arm around your waist, sighing gently. “Duty calls.”

Your arms wrapped around his neck, one of your hands running through the hair at the nape of his neck. His thumb rubbed small circles on your hip as he watched you, his heart picking up slightly as your fingers skimmed the back of his neck.

“I’ll call you later okay.” He pulled you closer resting his chin on your head. You closed your eyes relaxing into his hold. “Okay.” 

You stayed like that for a while before eventually pulling back. Mumbling a soft ‘bye’ he dropped his hands from your waist.

You watched from your spot as the Impala disappeared around the corner. You stood for a moment longer before turning and walking back into the house, mentally praying to whatever was up there that he’d come back safe.

[2010]

The click of the motel door pulled your attention from the article you’d been reading. Dean smiled holding up a take-out bag before walking over and placing it down on the table. He moved behind you placing a hand on the table. “Find anything?”

“Nope.” You sighed turning to face him. He let out a sigh of his own before reaching over to shut the laptop. “Hey.” You protested reaching over to reopen it, though Dean was faster. He pushed the laptop across the table. “You’ve been at it all day, it's late.” 

You pursed your lips before nodding. “Okay. I’m done.” His grin brightened pressing his lips to yours for a moment. The action still left you breathless even after months. You’d both danced around each other for so long that you weren’t entirely sure when you crossed the line from best friends to something more.

For the longest time you’d tried to push your feelings down. Tried to ignore the way your heart seemed to pick up whenever he was in the room as you were afraid of getting hurt. Your anxiety over him leaving was bad enough when he was simply your friend you couldn’t imagine the mess you would have been should you have been something more.

But over the last year, since his death and later resurrection, you’d found yourself joining him and Sam more and more. At first, you’d simply claimed you were catching up for lost time but over time you’d found yourself enjoying it. 

You’d never seen the appeal of the fast-paced life until now.

It also finally allowed your relationship with Dean to develop and move away from the cycle you’d both been stuck in. 

You hummed quietly as he pulled back. “C’mon, it’s gonna get cold.”

—

The smell of coffee drifted throughout the house as you slowly made your way downstairs. Music played softly from the kitchen as you passed through the small lounge, a tired smile growing on your lips as you leaned against the archway.

As if sensing your presence Dean turned, a grin on his face. “Mornin’ sweetheart.” You mumbled your own greeting before he turned back to the stove. Crossing the room you wrapped your arms around his waist sighing softly.

“You're up early.” Your check rested against his chest as your eyes glanced to the clock in the kitchen. 09:04 am. Dean hummed. “Couldn’t sleep.” 

You frowned slightly pulling back. “I noticed.” You moved to stand beside him. “You know you can talk to me right.” You placed a hand on his arm. “You don’t have to handle this alone.”

Dean stayed quiet, his grip on the pan tightening slightly. “I know.” He murmured.

The apocalypse hadn’t been easy on any of you. Dean especially. Losing Sam shook you all hard, harder than you’d imagined. It had gotten easier but he still had his moments. You both did.

You watched him for a moment longer mentally sighing. You hated when he’d close up like this. 

Leaning up on your toes you pressed a kiss to his cheek before pulling back. “I’ll get the plates.”

Dean nodded, a small smile pulling at his lips as you brushed a hand over his arm. He watched you from the corner of his eye, the feeling of grief which had consumed him since the night before seeming to melt away just slightly as he watched you.

The world had always seemed that much brighter whenever you were around, he supposed that was why he’d spent years begging you to come with him. Even now when his whole world crumbled around him the one constant he had left was you and you’d stayed.

He’d never imagined being able to live a normal life, it simply wasn't something that he’d seen as possible. Yet now he had that, he couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone else.

Leaning down he flicked the heat off turning to watch as you moved around the small kitchen. You turned, smiling as you caught his eye. “Done?”

“Mhm.” He nodded, opening his arms as you approached him. You settled against his chest, your arms wrapping around his neck as he went to your waist. You stayed like that for a moment before you pulled back slightly looking up at him.

His eyes seemed to sparkle almost in the morning light as he stared fondly down at you. “You know I love you right.” He pressed his lips against yours for a moment. “I know.” You whispered leaning your forehead against his.

This was his heaven.

[2015]

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been in a hospital, but wandering the halls now he remembered why he disliked them. The white walls seemed too bright on his tired eyes as he made what must have been his fifth trip down to the coffee machine that day alone.

He’d long since stopped caring about how long it had been since he’d first stepped foot inside the building. Sam had mumbled something about him needing to go and get some sleep - something about how he was only going to make himself ill but he couldn’t find it in him to care.

The hunt had gone bad. Really bad. 

None of you had noticed the fifth vamp. None of you had noticed the way it had managed to get behind you until it was too late. Dean kept replaying the moment over and over in his head, every time he closed his eyes all he could see was the moment you hit the floor. The way your body had gone limp in his arms.

The memory left bile rising in his throat as he pushed a random button on the machine. 

He really needed a drink.

The doctors had told them you were stable. You’d been in surgery for hours and even that had been touch and go. 

There had been blood - so much blood.

Shaking slightly he grabbed the cup before setting off back to the lifeless room which had become his home over the last few days. 

The monitors beeping had ingrained themselves in his brain and it seemed no matter where he was all he could hear was the sounds of the machines currently keeping you alive.

Shouldering the door open he paused for a moment. If he really thought about it he could just trick himself into thinking you were asleep and that you weren’t clinging to life by a thread.

Sitting down in the chair beside your bed he let out a shaky breath, bringing the cup to his lips he took a long sip. The liquid burned as he swallowed.

Placing the cup down he reached over to grasp your hand in his. The skin was cooler than normal as he rubbed his thumb over your knuckles. “You gotta wake up Sweetheart.” 

His eyes slowly moved from your hand to your face as he leaned closer. 

For the first time in a while, he felt truly lost. Normally you’d be the one to comfort him in these situations. When his dad died you’d been there and the countless times he’d lost Sam it was always you who’d be standing not far away, waiting to pick up the pieces and mend what was broken.

Yet now you weren’t there. 

Drawing in a breath he felt a tear fall from his eyes. He quickly wiped it away before brushing a hand over your head. “I can’t do this alone.”

His voice was quiet as he spoke. This wasn't supposed to happen. You were supposed to get old, and maybe have a few kids (hopefully with him). Hell, you were supposed to get married - something you’d always talked to him about.

But now all that seemed like a distant fantasy. Something which a few days ago had been so in reach was now nothing more than a distant fantasy. Something which the realistic part of him knew would never happen.

He fell quiet after a moment, his eyes glued to your face as he pulled every ounce of strength he had not to break down then and there. 

His free hand slipped down into his pocket. His fingers grasped the small box before pulling it out. Dean stared at it for a moment, fresh tears gathering in his eyes as he flicked the box open.

The ring glistened under the white light. He started at it for a moment longer before snapping the box shut. 

Standing from the chair he ran a hand through his hair as he slowly paced the room. The beeping continued quietly in the background until suddenly the room fell quiet.

It must have been less than a second yet he still paused, a frown growing on his lips before the beeping returned - this time louder and more instant.

Within a minute the room was swarmed. Doctors and nurses all talking over each other as he stood there, frozen. He barely registered someone taking his arm and pulling him from the room in his daze.

No. No. No.

His body refused to move from where the nurse had left him quickly telling him to stay there. The world almost seemed to slow down as he watched on from his spot. 

“Dean.” Sam’s voice broke him from the daze. He sounded breathless as he planted a hand on his brother's shoulder, a pained look on his face. “Sit.” He pushed his brother into a chair before falling into the one beside him. 

He placed his head in his hands.

After what seemed like an eternity a doctor - one Dean recognised - emerged. His face is natural as he came to stand before them both. Sam practically shot out of his seat as the doctor sent Dean a glance.

He whispered something before pulling Sam a few feet away. Ignoring them both he stood slowly walking towards the doorway. The room was mostly empty now except for a nurse who paused upon hearing his footsteps.

She sent him a sympathetic look before gently brushing past him. Just as he went to step into the room a hand on his shoulder stopped him. “Dean.” Sam’s voice shook slightly as he turned to face his brother. 

The doctor stood beside him, a solemn look now on his face. “She’s okay” Dean looked between the two. His fist clenched at the silence. “She’s okay.” He was more instant this time.

The doctor sighed, swallowing thickly. “I’m afraid not. She lost too much blood. We did what-”

“She’s fine.” Dean cut him off stepping closer. His eyes hardened as a burst of anger seemed to bubble over. Sam quickly stepped between the two as Dean’s voice began to rise in volume. 

“She’s fine. You said she would be fine.”

His hands shook slightly as he felt his brother push him back until he hit a wall. The words continued to fall from his lips, each more frantic than the one before. “I’m so sorry.” The man said before turning and walking away.

Dean watched before turning back to his brother. Sam swallowed, his eyes glassy as he stepped back. His eyes darted over to the room door before looking back to Dean. 

“You need to say goodbye.”

At that moment the dam inside him snapped. The anger faded to pure despair as he ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t. I can’t. She’s not…” He shook his head. The world left the bile climbing back up his throat.

“Dean.” Sam sighed watching as his brother moved back to the room doorway. “I’ll give you a minute.”

Dean barely glanced back before stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him.

You looked peaceful.

Steeling himself he moved back over to his seat. Taking your hand in his he sat for a moment. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered. He slipped out of the chair, the floor hard beneath his knees as he shuffled closer.

Reaching into his pocket he pulled out the box again carefully opening it before pulling the ring out. 

He didn’t bother to stop the tears which threatened to fall as he gently took your hand in his, slipping the ring onto your finger before placing your hand back down on the bed. 

Leaning up he placed his lips to your cheek. 

“I love you.” His lips brushed your cheek gently. “I’ll never stop loving you.” 

Leaning his head on the bed he finally broke down.

Intertwining your fingers, he felt the cool press of the ring against his skin as his whole world finally crumbled down.

[rollingsins]

all hers, part i

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv | part v | part vi | part vii | part viii | part ix | part x | part xi | part xii | part xiii | part xiv | part xv | part xvi | part xvii | part xviii | part xix | part xx | part xxi | part xxii | part xxiii | part xxiv | part xxv | part xxvi | epilogue

summary: “I’d kill everybody in this town before they’d take you away from me.” Tara says, eyes wild. “I’d kill everybody in the world. You belong to me.” ghostface!tara

warnings: (+18), Tara is Ghostface, possessive behavior, vaginal sex, murder of an OC character), smut. 

word count: 4.2k

a/n: for anon, who requested some smutty, possessive ghostface!tara. very, very fun to write, let me know if you want me to write some more ;) 

Four murders in seven days. 

It was a nightmare. You’d heard the stories, sure. Seen the movies. But you’d never thought it would actually happen to you. 

That’s what you got for transferring to Woodsboro of all places. 

Your phone buzzes as you finish locking the remaining doors. It’s Tara. You smile instinctively as her name flashes across your screen. 

where are you? still coming over? 

You look outside. It’s dark already, and the thought of leaving the house when there’s a lunatic running around scares the shit out of you. 

not tonight sorry, baby. lost track of time. don’t want to leave Chase here by himself.

You contemplate asking her over. Her sister is in town, and you’d been trying to give them some space to reconnect. Sam was with her, you assured yourself. Besides, the last thing you wanted was her leaving the safety of her home and getting attacked. 

“YN! Popcorn ready?” 

You drop your phone to the counter, check on the popcorn in the microwave. 

Chase had been your first friend at Woodsboro High, before you’d met anyone else, even Tara. Since you’d started dating her, you hadn’t seen him much. He’d asked you over tonight - your parents were out and he didn’t want you on your own. He’d had a hankering, in somewhat bad taste, to marathon the Stab movies. 

It was nice being with Chase again, even under such terrifying circumstances. 

You tell him so. 

“You know why that is, right?” He laughs, shoveling a handful of popcorn into his mouth. “Your girlfriend hates me.” 

You roll your eyes. 

“She does not.” 

“Does too. Every time I see her she gives me these eyes.” 

He squints, twists his face into an angry glare. 

“Like she wants to kill me.” 

“You’re imagining it.” You tell him. 

Throw a kernel of popcorn at him. 

“Uh huh.” He says, turning his gaze back to the movie, “Sure.”

Talking about Tara had always been weird with him. He’d had a thing for you, back in the day, when you’d first met. He’d even asked you out once. But you already had your sights set on Tara and nothing could deter you. He’d taken it well-ish. So you’d thought. 

“How are things going with her, anyway?” His voice casual. You look over. 

“Good.” You say. “Great. Why do you ask?”

He doesn’t look away from the TV. Shrugs, but it’s tense. Like he’s trying to appear more non-committal. You suddenly feel uncomfortable. 

“Just wondering.” 

The movie plays a little, you let awkward silence wash over the room. Peer down at your phone. No response from Tara. Maybe you should have gone to her house after all. 

“I-” He says suddenly, then stops. Purses his lips. 

“What?” 

“It’s nothing.” He says. “Nevermind.” 

You stare. 

“What, Chase?”

“I just get a weird vibe from her sometimes. That’s all.” 

You blink, caught off guard. 

“You don’t know her.” You say, instantly defensive. “There’s no vibe. She’s perfect. She’s the perfect girlfriend.” 

And she was. She picked you up everyday at 8am on the dot to drive you to school. She walked you to class, held your books for you. Showered you with affection. 

“She’s possessive.” Chase says. He’s looking at you now. Words spilling out of him like they’ve been pent up for a while. “You just don’t see it because you’re all moon-eyed for her. It’s not normal. It’s like you're her special toy and nobody else can play with you.” 

“Stop.” You say. 

“She’s isolated you from all your friends.” He continues. “You used to play soccer, remember? What happened to that? What about dance? All the things you used to love. You don’t do them anymore. Your whole world revolves around her.” 

You stand up. A lump rises in the back of your throat. You’d come here to watch movies with an old friend, not have him berate you about your relationship. 

“That isn’t true.” You say, “With school, I just don’t have time for those things anymore-”

“Because when you’re not in school, you’re with her.” He presses. “And she wants you with her all the time. Like I said, possessive.” 

“Great to know how you really feel.” You say. Grab your phone. 

“Sorry, YN. The truth hurts.” He slumps back into his seat, stares at the TV again. “Where are you going?”

“Bathroom.” You mumble. 

You open your phone when you reach the bathroom, go straight to Tara’s contact. 

She’s opened your message, but hasn’t replied. 

“Great.” You say aloud. Your perfect girlfriend has left you on read. 

You contemplate calling her, asking her to come get you. No. You chew on your bottom lip. You could just leave, chance an encounter with ghost-face. You decide against it. You’re annoyed with Chase, but not that annoyed. 

You wash your hands. Head back downstairs. Flick Tara another message. 

You’re not mad, are you? Love you. Wish I was with you instead. xx

Chase hasn’t moved. He looks up when you enter, looking a little sheepish. 

“YN-”

“Don’t worry about it.” You say. Sink into the sofa, as far from him as possible. “Let’s just watch the movie.” 

And you do. Forty minutes of cheesy dialogue and bad acting and not a word from Chase. You like it that way. You keep glancing at your phone, waiting for your girlfriend’s response. But nothing. 

The movie’s over. You can hear the credits rolling, but your eyes are drooping. Half gone. Your phone long abandoned, Tara’s reply nowhere to be found. You’re dreaming of Hawaii in the summer. Pina colada in hand. Tara dressed in a bikini, waist deep in the water. Kissing her in the sand, not a care in the world. 

Then you hear the crash. 

Your eyes jerk open. You sit up. Startled. You look around the room. The TV has shut itself off. Chase is nowhere to be found. There are noises coming from the foyer. Your heart beats, fast. You look wildly around the room. You want something to defend yourself with. 

You settle on a small wooden zebra. Some useless ornament only Chase’s mom would decorate with. It’ll do. 

You hear scuffling. More crashing. Then, Chase’s voice, shrill - scared. 

“Please! Stop!”

Your ears ring. Terror rips through you as you make your way into the hallway, quietly as you can. 

Chase is on the floor, writhing, both his hands wrapped around a curved, silver dagger. 

Your stomach drops. 

It’s Ghostface. 

Your bottom lip trembles. You want to run. Scream. Hide. All at once. But you can’t. You’re rooted to the spot, transfixed. 

Ghostface raises his arm, steady. Then slams his dagger straight down and through Chase’s chest. Chase cries out. Blood gurgles from his lips. Ghostface stabs him, twice, then three times. Crazed. Possessed. 

Your body gives way. You let out a scream. Topple backwards into the hallway cabinet. 

Glass smashes around you. Ghostface looks straight at you. 

Your back hurts from the fall. You writhe desperately on the floor, trying to get up. The Zebra has slipped from your fingers. Tears tumble down your face. 

In your peripheral, you see Ghostface abandon Chase. Head straight for you.

You cry out as he makes a grab at you. 

“Stop.” His voice is contorted, unnatural. He’s using a voice-changer. That same awful voice from that dumb movie you’d just watched. You sob as his hands tighten around you. 

“I’m not going to hurt you. Don’t struggle.” 

You flop out of his grip, kick up just in time to take the Zebra in your hands. 

“I’m not here for you, stop-” 

Your fingers tighten around the Zebra. You use all your force to smack it hard against Ghostface’s head. You hear him cry out. Fall back. 

You’ve hit him hard. He clutches at his head as he falls back. 

There’s a clang as his mask hits the ground. 

Your breath hitches in your throat. Your chest seizes painfully. The Zebra in your hand slips out of your grasp and hits the floor. 

“Tara?” 

She looks up at you, her eyes wide, like a deer in headlights. Tears prick at the sides of your eyes. You blink. 

She swallows. Stands upright.  

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” She says. The voice changer is gone. The sound of her voice makes you want to weep, “Don’t be scared.” 

She edges towards you, slowly. As if you’re a baby rabbit that might startle at any moment. You see the gleam of her dagger in her hand. Still wet with blood. 

“Tara.” You say again, voice trembling. You take a step back. Panic floods through you. How can this be happening?

“It’s me.” She assures. “You don’t have to be afraid. Look.” She holds out her hand, drops the dagger to the floor. It careens over the carpet. Stains it with blood. 

She inches closer. You don’t realize just how close she is before she’s reaching out, tugging you into her open arms. Your body locks up. The shock, the panic, the lump at the back of your throat. Everything spills over. You blubber into her chest as she holds you tight. 

“Shhh. It’s okay baby.” She comforts you, hands rubbing tight circles across your back. You want to push her off. You want to run. But you can't, you're frozen, all you can do is bawl. She tilts your head up to her. Rubs her nose against yours. She smells metallic. Like blood. She’s covered in it, you realize with a start. 

You tremble. 

“Don’t be scared.” She repeats. Strokes her fingers along your cheeks. “My pretty girl. I would never hurt you.” 

Her eyes are wild. Pupils blown. No trace of your sweet, loving girlfriend. You don’t recognize the person in front of you. You want her off you. But you don’t dare push her away. She presses you into her. Over her shoulder, you see Chase’s lifeless body. His glassy eyes stare up at you. 

“He’s dead.” You say. Tears leak like acid from your eyes. Tara holds you tighter. 

“I know.” You feel her lips graze the side of your head. She presses a lingering kiss there. “I’m sorry you had to see, darling. I thought you were asleep.” 

A whimper emerges from your lips. Tears fall hot and fast down your cheeks, your hands limp at your side as she holds you. Cradles you. 

“Why?” 

She pauses. You feel her tense. 

“Because they wanted you. All of them. They wanted you, but I’d never let them have you. Because you’re mine.” 

And it clicks. There had been four victims so far. The first was Dan and his brother Sam, both boys you’d known since elementary school. Both who’d had crushes on you. 

Then there was Aaron, your first kiss. Then Sadie, your first girlfriend. 

Your bottom lip trembles. They were all dead because of you. 

Tears roll down your face. Your body starts to shake. 

Tara shushes you, pulls back only slightly to wipe away your tears. She’s so tender, gentle, you almost forget the bloodied body you’d just watch her maim lying in the corner of the room.  

“Don’t cry, sweet girl.” She presses her lips to your forehead. “Here. Look.” 

She steps back momentarily. Shimmies out of her black robes. She’s wearing your old varsity soccer t-shirt underneath. Your sweatpants. The necklace you’d got her for your one year anniversary. She looks like herself again. Your Tara. 

Your bottom lip trembles.

“See. It’s just me.” 

It makes you cry even harder. How could this be real? You’d just watched as your sweet, gentle, loving girlfriend had driven a knife into someone. 

Tara. How could it be Tara? 

“I know, I know, baby. It’s okay.” Her arms are around you again. She holds you as you sob. Every instinct in you screams to run. To get away from this deranged psycho who just killed your best friend in front of you. But you can’t. She’s the only one you want to run to. 

You press yourself into her, tears soaking through her shirt. She cradles you, you feel her lips ghost your forehead. 

“I didn’t want you to find out like this.” She says, “I’m sorry, baby girl. I know it’s a shock.” 

She holds you a while longer. Until your eyes are red and dry, nothing left to cry. Your heartbeat still hammering against your chest. 

What do I do?, You think. Where do I go?

She was calm now, much calmer than you. But that could change in a heartbeat. If you ran, she’d chase you. Maybe even kill you too. That look in her eyes, black, terrifying. You hiccup against her. 

What the fuck do I do? 

 She rubs your back. Draws away from you just enough to wipe the rest of your tears from your face. Lets her fingers linger on your cheeks. 

“Come here.” She dips down before you can protest. Presses her lips to yours. You don’t resist. Electricity flows through your body. Your stomach flutters the way it always does when she kisses you. Your body wants her just as it always does. Guilt flushes through you. You draw back, hold her at arms length. 

“I can’t.” You pull back, a fresh wave of tears rising. Your stomach turns. “I think I’m going to be sick” 

Her hands grip your shoulders. 

“It’s okay. It’s alright. Hey. Look at me.” She’s firm, suddenly. You look up at her through glistening eyes. She softens her voice again, brushes your hair out of your eyes. 

“I’m going to clean this up.” Her head jerks to the body near the corner of the room. “Then I’m going to clean you up.” She strokes the side of your face. Scratches on your cheeks from the glass. 

“And then I’m going to take you to bed and make love to you. Show you just how much I adore you. Alright? Will that make everything better, sweetheart?” 

Revulsion rises in your stomach suddenly. Her hands on you feel heavy. Suffocating. Your cheeks flush hot with emotion. 

“No. Don’t you dare touch me.” You say. You shake off her hands, take a step back. 

The words startle you as much as they startle her. Hurt clouds her features for a moment. She tries to smooth it over, tilting her head. 

“Baby. You don’t mean that.” 

“Yes I do. I don’t want you near me. Not after what you’ve done.” You back up, pressing yourself against the wall. Part of you wants to make a grab for the dagger but she’s too close. Besides, what would you do with it anyway? You weren’t like her. You weren’t a killer. 

Tara blinks. Her eyes fill with something you don’t recognize. 

“You’re just confused.” Tara says, voice hollow. “I know it’s hard to get your head around-“ 

“Please. Go. Just go.”

You’re shaking. Tara stares. Her bottom lip twitches. You recognize what’s behind her eyes this time. Anger. Irritation. 

“You want me to go? After all this. After everything I’ve done for you?” For the first time, her voice is trembling. She looks angry. Hurt. Confused. 

“For me?” You ask. Your voice rises. “You killed my best friend for me?” 

“For us.” She urges. “Don’t you see - there’s no distractions anymore. No one else. No one is going to take you from me.” 

She’s moving closer again. You don’t want her near you. You eye the door, move before she can stop you. 

“YN!” 

You run. Blood rushing in your ears. 

She calls your name again, but you don’t look back. The front door is locked, so you sprint for the back. You can’t think straight, can’t trust your own emotions. So you trust your instincts. 

Run. Run. Run. 

You reach the door, fumble with the handle. Your heart in your throat. You twist it madly, but it doesn’t budge. 

“Come on!” You cry out. You twist again, but it’s too late. 

You feel her hands on your waist as she grabs you. 

You struggle against her, screaming. The sheer force knocks you both over. You scramble up, trying to stand but she’s too quick.  Her hands wrap tight around your waist, pulling you back down to her. She grabs your wrists, holds them tight over your head as she climbs on top of you. 

“Get off me!” You cry, but she doesn’t. Squeezes you down tighter. 

Wild eyes stare down at you. Her eyes, usually the softest brown, are wide, saucer like. Her eyebrows knit together as she pleads.  

“Please, baby, stop.” She begs. “It’s me. It’s just me.” 

She’s smaller than you, but she’s so much stronger. She’s always been stronger than you. It used to be hot, the way she could hold you down with such little effort. Now, it terrifies you. 

You try with all your might to push her off but she only grips tighter. A frustrated sob emerges from your lips. She presses you against the floor. You feel her lips on your forehead as she shushes you.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart.” She says, voice so tender you almost forget she has you trapped in a vice grip. “I’m not going to hurt you.” 

“Then let me go.” You wail. Your body goes limp. There’s no point in struggling. She’s too strong. “Please, Tara, just let me go.” 

“I can’t do that, baby.” She says. Her voice soft, almost apologetic, “I love you.” 

You whimper, pathetically. Your mind whirls, going a mile a minute. There’s no way out, you realize. She’s stronger than you. She’s faster than you. And she’s hopelessly and desperately in love with you. She’ll never let you go. 

Your breathing evens out. 

“I love you.” She says again, voice barely above a whisper. 

Her breath is hot, against your mouth. You shudder. She presses her lips to your cheek. Nuzzles her nose into your neck. 

“I love you.” 

Her lips press into your neck. A hot jolt of energy sparks between your legs. Even now, after everything she’s done you can’t help but want her. You start to cry again. 

She tilts herself up. Looks at you, really looks at you. 

Gone is the manic, crazy killer who just chased you down a hallway and stuck a knife in your best friend. Her eyes are wide, that soft, sweet brown they always are. 

There she is. Your first love. Your high school sweetheart. The girl who had taken your virginity. Tara. Your sweet girlfriend, Tara. 

“I love you.” She whispers, a final time. Your heartbeat slows, steady. Your eyes flicker down to her lips. She notices. 

She lingers above you only a moment, before she leans down and captures your lips. 

Heat flushes to your cheeks. Butterflies erupt in your chest.

Warm, warm, warm. 

Is all you feel. 

You groan into her mouth. Confusion flashes through you once again. 

“Stop.” You murmur against her lips. Soft. Half-hearted, like you don’t mean it. She pulls back. 

“Stop?” She asks. Voice low. Like she knows what you’re going to say. 

Your breath hitches. Her hands loosen their grip on your wrists. Her weight on top of you suddenly feels erotic. 

“Don’t stop.” You whisper, and she claims your lips once again. 

Your kisses build, feverish. Desperate. A mesh of lips and teeth and tongue. You loop your hands through her hair, pull her tight against you. 

Her hands loop under your shirt, tug at your jeans. You pull hers off first, wanting her hot and naked against you, groaning at the heat of her skin against your own. 

All thoughts of Chase are gone as you slip your hands into her underwear. She’s wet already, gasps as you circle her clit. You press warm kisses to her jaw. 

She presses you back onto the floor. Tugs your underwear down your legs. Her fingers dip down to your heat. 

“Tara.” You gasp. She nuzzles herself into your neck. Presses, wet, sloppy kisses down your jawline. Her fingers brush your clit before she sinks her fingers inside you. 

She groans. Kisses you deep. 

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight. So wet.”

“Tara.” You gasp. Her fingers curl inside you, her thumb rubbing gently over your clit. She kisses you again. Works her fingers deeper into you. 

“Does that feel good, baby?” She asks. Her voice is graveled, thick with want. You moan out as she hits just the right spot. 

“You like that? You like my fingers inside you?” 

You nod, madly, clawing at her back, trying to pull her closer. 

“I like it too, baby. It’s my favorite thing in the world. I’d do anything to be inside you.” 

Her eyes are black, hazy, lust filled. You kiss her deeply. 

“I’d kill everybody in this town before they’d take you away from me.” She says, eyes wild. “I’d kill everybody in the world. You belong to me.” 

You moan. 

“Tell me.” She says, “Tell me who you belong to.” 

“You, baby.” You gasp. 

“That's right. All mine. Every inch of you.” She growls. Her hand movements are steady. Angry. Pounding into you. Your hips jerk with each thrust, your cheeks red. 

“Nobody else is going to touch you. Not ever. I’m the only one who gets to do this.” She says. Her eyes are starting to blacken again, jealous at the thought of somebody else sinking inside you. 

“No one else.” You pant. “I promise.” 

She growls, takes a nipple in her mouth. Bites down hard. Her fingers drive into your pussy. 

You moan her name. It relaxes her a little. She slows her pace, dipping down to kiss down your stomach. She nuzzles against your thigh, lovingly. 

“Who can blame them?” She says. She reaches up to touch your face, presses a gentle kiss to your belly. Her fingers pump in and out at a steady pace. Her fingers coated in your wetness. “My perfect girl. Always so beautiful. Who wouldn’t want you? I want you all the time.” 

She dips down, presses kisses to the tops of your thighs, rhythm steady as she fucks you. A low moan escapes from your mouth as she licks a long stripe down your center, stopping momentarily to wrap her lips around your clit. 

Your thighs clench around her head but she keeps your legs pried open. She sucks you only a moment before she’s grinning up at you, debauched, slipping a third finger inside your dripping cunt. 

“I wish I could spend every waking moment inside this gorgeous pussy. Always so pretty and tight and wet for me.  Always throbbing around my fingers. Squeezing. Trying to keep me in you, isn’t that right?” 

Her eyes gleam. Her pretty red lips sticky with your arousal. 

“You’d like that wouldn’t you, baby? You’d like me to be in you all the time.” 

“Yes.” You groan. 

“Dirty girl.” She chides. Her head dips down again, and you throw your head back as she sucks on your clit, hard. 

She releases you after a moment. Lips back on your thighs, fingers pummeling up into your g-spot. 

Your stomach coils. She sucks on your thigh leisurely, her fingers slamming into you with no mercy. 

“Mine.” She says. “Say it.” 

“Yours. All yours.” 

Her arms grip tight around your waist. She licks her way up your length, not stopping the force of her fingers. 

You throb around her, so close. She presses kisses to your thighs as she works you to the edge. 

“You going to come for me, baby?” She murmurs, lips on your clit, “Good girl. That’s it, sweetheart. Come in my mouth.” 

She sucks your clit, hard, and you topple over the edge. 

Your back arches. You let out a low groan as your orgasm washes over you. She works you though it, lovingly sucking, her fingers curled. 

You slump back onto the floor as she presses kisses to your belly. She keeps her fingers in you as she leans up, kisses you so tenderly. 

“Good girl.” She murmurs. You sigh into her mouth. You can taste yourself on her lips. It’s intoxicating. She presses a kiss to your neck. 

Draws her fingers out of you. You whine. She smiles, sucks you off her fingertips. 

“Don’t worry baby.” She murmurs. Brushes a lock of hair off your sweaty forehead. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Your heart beat slows. She shuffles herself off you.

Wraps herself tight around your waist, drawing you into her. 

Your eyes draw to the robes of the floor. The mask. The dagger. Chase is here somewhere, dead in another room. And you just fucked his killer. 

Shame floods through you. Your body tenses. She can sense it. She turns you in her arms, pulls you into her bare chest. 

“Shh. Don’t look, baby.” She coos. “I’ll clean it up.” 

“He’s dead.” You say. More monotone than anything. In the last thirty minutes you’ve felt every possible emotion you could ever feel. You’ve cried every last tear. You’ve fought and struggled and lost against your own desires. You’re exhausted. 

“It’s alright, babe.” She senses your resignation. Presses a soft kiss to your forehead. “Now it’s just you and me. The way it should be.” 

She tilts your face up to hers. You let her press a kiss to your lips. Close your eyes. 

“I’m all yours, baby.” She says. “And you’re mine. Forever.”  

You nod, slowly. 

She is, there’s no point in denying it. 

Next part

[catscidr]

i. note — i was feeling a certain typa way because i kept coming across fics where the reader was described as busty so i wrote this in like two hours to make myself feel better lmao sue me…. ii. includes — dottore, afab!reader. no pronouns used, only descriptions of boobs/looking womanly (?) iii. cw — fluff, hurt/comfort, crack-ish bc this is a little silly, dottore is trying his best (maaaybe ooc), a little suggestive but nothing happens, talks of sex and oral, casual touching. MDNI. tldr reader is self conscious about their body and dottore tries to make them feel better lol iv. wc — 1,8k

It’s not often that you get to lay in bed with your lover; he’s always busy running around his lab, either fixing others’ mistakes or scrapping his own work to start over what he has spent so much time on. Dating the infamous Il Dottore was a challenge not many were strong enough for, but you made it work.

You would spend time with him in Haeresys by helping him with some tasks (even if they were small, and didn’t really need to be done in the first place). Handing him different tools when he’d wordlessly ask for them while neck deep in the guts of a Ruin Guard, carefully organizing old reports and documents in his desk that would never see the light of day anytime soon, and bringing him a healthy meal to eat while he worked (though you would do that yourself, because Archon forbid he actually eats on his own accord).

So, given how sparse your time together is, of course you would make it count. Of course you would use that time wisely, go out for an evening to a nice restaurant, maybe even cuddle up on the couch to binge an entire season of a show you had been meaning to watch for ages but couldn't bring yourself to because you wanted to watch it with him.

You wouldn’t dare spend your evening together in bed, wallowing in your own self-pity while he sits up, reading a book you can’t even stomach the contents of.

...Except that’s exactly what you’re doing.

You can't really help it, though. You know how he is; diligent and hardworking, a man of his craft. You know he doesn’t have the time to entertain you and your silly questions and hypotheticals, you know he’s not too fond of sweet touches and words of affection. You know this isn’t your typical relationship, but you don’t mind because you get to be with him— and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Save for when you sulk and feel so incredibly insecure and inadequate for a man such as himself.

Humans have needs. You are human, and you have needs. Dottore is a human (to some extent, though still technically human), so he, naturally, also has needs.

The issue lies in the enormous, metaphorical physical gap between you and your lover. Naturally, Dottore is essentially married to his craft, so getting any sort of action is usually out of the question. You can get a peck or two out of him, one in the morning and one at night (if you’re even awake to feel his scarred lips gently pressing into your cheek), but that’s where the list of physical affection ends.

You’ve talked about your desires and boundaries alike when you first (officially) started going out. The discussion didn’t leave out anything sexual in nature either; though the conversation was mostly led by you, while he simply nodded and pitched in with a word or two every so often.

It’s not to say you’ve never been physical with one another. But recently it’s been happening less and less, and you’ve been finding yourself in this position a lot more often; curled into yourself, lost in your own thoughts as you picked out every little detail about you that you were certain weren’t up to his standards. 

It’s only when you feel him shift next to you that you’re brought back to your shared bedroom, away from the rainy clouds stuffing your mind. 

Dottore shuts the book in his lap, keeping his right hand’s thumb wedged between the pages. He peers down at you with a curious expression, silently analyzing your suspicious silence. 

“You’re quieter than usual,” he comments, tone as flat as it could be. You crane your neck back to look up at him, the duvet covering most of your face as you wrack your brain for something to say. 

After a second of opening and closing your mouth, you finally say something. “’M just tired,” you murmur quietly, nuzzling deeper into the blankets to sell your point. He hums in response, placing his book on the nightstand next to his side of the bed and crosses his arms in front of him, brow quirked up in disapproval. Piercing red eyes stare down at you, making you hold back a shudder. Archons, you’d never get tired of seeing him without that ornate mask of his.

“It’s quite abnormal for you, of all people, to be silent when presented with the opportunity to have a conversation with me, uninterrupted” Dottore states, watching as you tense in your little cocoon. After a beat you emerge from your safety, chin just barely peeking out of the edge of the duvet. 

“...I had a long day.” You avoid looking at him, a pout gracing your lips. He huffs in response and runs a hand through his loose hair. “Long day you say?” Dottore keeps his composure intact, remembering the moments you’ve whined to him throughout the day about how completely and utterly bored you felt. 

“Mm. Long day, right,” he brings one hand down to hold onto the duvet and pulls it down, making you reach for the blanket to cover yourself up; though your efforts are in vain. “What’s on your mind.” 

The way he spoke to you sent shivers down your spine, shuddering at the way he spoke in a way he would when making a statement. 

“Nuhh... nothing. Nothing at all, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You shift in the bed to cover yourself, even if it’s entirely unnecessary. The tee shirt you wore covered you plenty, but without the duvet you just felt so... exposed. Especially with how well Dottore could read your body language; it’s like you didn’t even need to say anything (because you didn’t). 

His gaze on you never relents as he scrutinizes your appearance; your furrowed brows, your hair sprawled across the pillow- still damp from your shower- and the way your lip trembles almost imperceptibly as you hold back the urge to talk about what’s been bothering you. He hates having to metaphorically twist your arm to get you to open up, but if that’s what he needed to do to keep you sane, he’d do it over and over again. 

Dottore scoots his body down to lay in the bed properly and turns to his side to face you, icy hair cascading down his neck as he pulls you in towards him with a hand on your waist. You squeak, tilting your head back so as to not invade his personal space. 

“What’s on your mind?” he asks, softer than before but still with a demanding tone. You shrink, avoiding looking into his eyes. 

“Nothi-” 

“I’m not in the mood for games.” He says your name quietly, thinly veiled with an unspoken warning. 

With a huff you bite the inside of your cheeks, and finally relent. You speak quietly and without even an ounce of confidence, earning a sharp sigh from your lover. 

“I can’t hear you when you mumble like th-” 

“I’m flat!” you practically shout. 

Dottore blinks back the whiplash that hit him in the face, stern expression fading into one of complete and utter perplexion. You don’t elaborate, staying quiet as a deep flush takes over your cheeks. 

“You’re... what?” 

He stares at you owlishly, for once at a loss for words. You nod, sitting up to properly articulate your feelings now that the cat was out of the bag. 

“My boobs are small! I have no ass! I’m... I look like a door!” You gesture at your chest, expression looking entirely distraught as you vent your feelings out to your lover. Your shoulders droop down unceremoniously, lips jutting out in a pout as you stare at the wall to avoid crossing Dottore’s gaze. The sound of the wind howling outside of your bedroom window morphs into what almost sounds like a laugh, as if mother nature herself was cackling at your expense.

“I feel bad when people see you with me. I can’t... I have such a bad gag reflex I can’t even take a third of your dick in my m-” 

He cuts you off by placing a hand on your shoulder, frown etched deep onto his face. If you looked closely you’d see red dusting the tips of his ears, contrasting against his hair. 

“You’re self-conscious because you have... small breasts and a... sensitive uvula?” Dottore says, his tone completely void of the confidence he usually carried. Fingers comb through your hair, light and gentle, as he thinks of what he can even say in response to your confession. 

You sniffle, looking down at yourself. The shirt you wore did little to help your smaller cup size— and as you frown at yourself, you bring a hand up and place it over one breast. “See, even my hand can cover them easily. My body doesn’t have even a little bit of curves.” 

Although at a loss, Dottore recovers from the absurdity of the situation in record time. He shifts your body so you’re now facing him, and very casually slips his hands underneath your shirt to cup your breasts. He speaks before you can, cutting off the slurry of complaints you had ready. 

“Have I ever complained about them?” he asks solemnly, forcing you to look at him. “As far as I’m aware I never have. Why bother being concerned over something so trivial?” 

His hands squeeze them gently, making you squeak in response. The more seconds pass, the more ashamed and flustered you feel for even bringing this up. As if a man of his caliber would even care for something like this, how stupid do you have to be to think of him as someone that only cared for looks?

“Well, no, but-” another squeeze cuts off your train of thoughts,” -b-but the rest...! Men like women with a fuller figure, I can’t even give you a titjob!” 

The words that flew out of your mouth made his head spin, from both irritation and embarrassment simultaneously. He inhales and exhales slowly, dragging his palms down to your ribs, then your waist, until they settle atop your hips. 

“I’ve never asked for anything of the sort,” he sighs, observing the changes in your face carefully. 

“Yeah, but-” 

“No ‘but’s. Your body is fine. It does not matter how it looks like from the outside; your organs are working properly, and you do not have any abnormalities forming anywhere inside or outside of it. How your figure looks holds little importance to me.” 

His words sink in, and you feel your invisible dog ears droop to rest flat on top of your head as you glance down at your lap, shame ringing in your ears. Dottore’s grasp tightens around your hips, demanding for your attention to be on him once again, refusing to let you sulk as long as he could help it.

“Although, putting functionality aside, do I need to remind you exactly what I think of your body? Shall I remind you how you make me feel whenever I see you parading around my office? How my body reacts to you?”

Your lips threaten to quirk up into a sheepish smile, but your shame still ate you up from the inside, keeping you from reacting. Your lover hums and flashes you a wolfish grin, leaning in towards your neck to nibble at your ear, teasing the flushed skin. 

“We do have the rest of the night to ourselves, don’t we? Want to find out just how much your body affects me, my love?”

[spirk-trek]

I would love to hear your thoughts on kirk's backstory and what happened on tarsus iv, I feel like I've read so many conflicting takes on here and none of them actually match up with the episode (conscience of the king)

Hi anon! The way you worded this makes me think you were just looking for information and not a fic request. Forgive me if I was wrong!! 😅

I think the reason there are so many conflicting ideas is because of how vague it is in canon itself (which is cool, leaves a lot of room for interpretation). Because of this, when I recently wrote a thing about Tarsus IV I also struggled with "research" for it. Here's what I came up with:

!!! Disclaimer! I am not declaring any of this the One True Canon™! This is just my interpretation/speculation based on existing lore !!!

To me, it makes most sense for Jim to be sent to Tarsus IV with his mother, and for her to be a civilian scientist/researcher of some kind. I find it very hard to believe the massacre could have taken place if Starfleet were present, which would include George Kirk, Jim's father. George is said to have been absent often due to his work (SNW), so it wouldn’t be strange for him to be separated from his family (this is also just normal in Star Trek in general, i.e. Sulu [AOS] and like… everyone with children in TNG).

A more recent Trek book called Drastic Measures seems to back this exact idea up (depends who you ask which novels are canon, and this book was written for Discovery so take it with a grain of salt).

Sam would, in the TOS timeline, be 10 years older than Jim (~23). That would make it unlikely he'd be tailing after his mother to remote colonies. It's much more likely he was concerned with his own career/family/life.

So, in summary of those points, I think it was just Jim and Winona. Jim is between 12 and 14 years old, and his mother was a civilian researcher (the novel I mentioned earlier made her a xenobiologist, probably for plot reasons).

Something I do see exaggerated sometimes is the method of killing in the massacre. An antimatter chamber appears to be what was used, similar to A Taste of Armageddon, so it would not have been mass carnage or a big dramatic fight in the end. Just... zap. 

SPOCK: "He was certainly among the most ruthless, to decide arbitrarily who would survive and who would not [...] and then to implement his decision without mercy. Children watching their parents die. Whole families, destroyed. Over four thousand people. They died quickly, without pain, but they died.”

However, these are also quotes from the episode, so I can see why people might think the massacre itself was more violent: 

- JIM: “Four thousand people were needlessly butchered.” - LEIGHTON: “I remember him. That voice. The bloody thing he did.”  - JIM: “Are you sure you didn't act this role out in front of a captive audience whom you blasted out of existence without mercy?” - KARIDIAN/KODOS: “Murder, flight, suicide, madness. I never wanted the blood on my hands ever to stain you.” 

There was a revolution of some kind, probably brought about by people easily radicalized out of hunger and desperation.

- KARIDIAN/KODOS: [reading] "The revolution is successful…” - SPOCK: “There were over eight thousand colonists and virtually no food. And that was when Governor Kodos seized full power and declared emergency martial law.”

If Kodos already had his ideas about eugenics, which it sounds like he did, he would have seized this as an opportunity. This would make him an even more solid comparison to Hitler, which they were definitely going for to at least some extent (this was written two decades after WWII which many involved in the making of star trek were deeply affected by if not veterans themselves).

Because of the above quotes, I also think there’s merit to the idea of there being multiple formal executions where Kodos gave his infamous “speech” each time rather than just once (this would be another reason Jim would remember it enough to write it down), rather than one massive execution of 4,000 people. However, this quote could be interpreted to mean the opposite:

SPOCK: “Kodos began to separate the colonists. Some would live, be rationed whatever food was left; The remainder would be immediately put to death.”

Arguably, the even more traumatic suffering would be the period of starvation and upheaval leading up to the massacre. To me, a 3-6 month period of slowly worsening starvation as the food supply shrank and shrank to nothing would make the most sense.

One aspect I don't quite get is that Kodos's body was supposed to have been "burned beyond recognition.” Since we know from Conscience of the King his death was staged, then this fake death can’t have been pulled off in the midst of Starfleet intervention upon arrival (they would have taken him into custody to stand trial rather than kill him on sight anyway). Burning yourself to death is a highly unusual form of suicide, so I’m not sure if that’s supposed to allude to him being fake killed in the carnage following the execution when the people didn't react the way he wanted or expected? My only theory is that there was unrest and rioting for the period of time between the massacre and Starfleet arriving with relief, and he used that to fake his death once he knew he would be put on trial.

Anyway, this is super long so I'll cut myself off there. Hope that answered your question, sorry for being crazy! If anyone has anything to add, please do!

[miniaturecollectiveendermen]

TBHK

Kou, Teru, Yamabuki (Lemon) and Akane(boy) with a GN S/O who sleeps ANYWHERE. In class, during lunch, while studying, while cuddling, etc.

falling asleep with them ♡

~ feat. kou, teru, yamabuki and akane aoi

!!WARNINGS!! just pure fluff, gn!reader, no gendered pronouns mentioned

kou

kou didnt notice your ability to fall asleep anywhere at first

when he first met you he assumed you were just really tired, he was worried about you cuz he thought you werent getting enough rest

he didnt want to pry into your personal life too much but eventually he did end up asking you if you were getting enough sleep

you explained the situation to him and he was amazed

so thats just something you do?

it took a little while but eventually he gets used to it

whenever you fall asleep he makes sure no one disturbs you (especially hanako)

if anyone ever bothers you about he immediately comes to your defense, if its a ghost then he'll immediately threaten to exorcise them (or just do it depends on who it is)

he always makes sure youre comfortable whenever/where ever you sleep

if you fall asleep while the two of you are cuddling he becomes stiff and tries his best not to disturb you

he'll glare daggers at anyone who might disturb your slumber since he cant get up and shoo them away

teru

MY LOVE

ahem

teru is an observant person and being his s/o means he notices every little thing about you

he knows everything you like or dislike, your little habits and characteristics

the moment he notices you falling asleep any where and everywhere he starts doing things to make you more comfortable

he'll carry a pillow or blanket around for you (dont ask how hes teru he can do anything)

if he doesnt have a blanket he'll use his jacket as a blanket

he finds your unique ability quite cute and he might tease you about it, but in a friendly way

if anyone else teases or bothers you about it tho he'll immediately put an end to it

he does get worried about it at first, he makes sure youre getting enough rest

if you fall asleep while cuddling he'll hold you close and make sure youre able to rest comfortably

if he feels peaceful enough he might fall asleep with you

i love him

yamabuki (lemon)

okay im gonna be honest i forgot what his personality is like so i had to go through his wiki for this-

so yamabuki isnt the most observant person nor does he care about his surroundings very much so he doesnt notice you falling asleep immediately

but after a few times of it happening he'll take notice and pay closer attention

if you fall asleep around him he'll take pictures of you sleeping (with permission ofc) and tease you with them later

another character who thinks you falling asleep everywhere is cute

he likes taking pictures of things that interest him and you interest him a lot :)

he may seem like the bad boy type who doesnt care about anything

which is partly true

he cares a lot about you

he just has different ways of showing it

and taking pictures of you is one of those ways

akane aoi

okay so this man is extremely affectionate

and hes very open with his affection too

he notices you sleeping everywhere immediately

and once he does he'll make sure youre as comfortable as possible

like teru he'll have a blanket or pillow on hand all the time

he'll go as far as to have a place for you to rest in the student council room

which may result in teru ending him

but for you its worth it

if anyone even thinks about annoying you while you sleep or bother you about it he will not hesitate to end them

but if you tell him not too he wont (reluctantly)

when you fall asleep while cuddling he'll hold you close to him

he'll stay with you for as long as necessary

A/N: im sorry this took so long, ive been caught up with a lot of things in my personal life and had to put my writing to the side but im back now!! hopefully i wont disappear again but i cant make any promises

[foervraengd]

So i just finished watching Nimona and… i have so many thoughts. I wanted to love this movie so badly but it has things that i come to dislike a lot in recent years.

Good things:

Amazing animation and art direction

Good overall story and core message

Issues probably only i have with the movie:

Rushed pacing due to lack of quiet establishing shots between scenes

The tone/mood shifts so fast and often in most scenes that i couldnt get emotionally invested or immersed

Not enough foreshadowing for major plot points we learn about in the third act (like the Big Gun????)

Too much talking not enough showing regarding lore and worldbuilding

“So that just happened” jokes shoved into almost every scene.

The second/middle act is overall just not good pacing wise.

I could not tell what was a montage and what was just switching to a new scene.

Im really really sorry but the way most movies are paced nowadays are rly just not my thing. At no time in most of the movie are we shown how the walls affect people in the city. We only know about it through dialogue with Nimona. It makes the final scene where the wall is broken feel random and out of place. Like as if we suddenly had a new subplot added at the end.

The scenes that really were good was the first act and nimonas backstory. Nimonas backstory was good because they omitted dialogue from it, so they made sure to tell the story visually and it worked amazingly. It is such a contrast from most of the middle act that is just nimona running their mouth and everyone running around being loud.

I feel like there were a lot of scenes that couldve been removed or rearranged. Like i would have preferred if ballister first met nimona when he got thrown in jail. Idk maybe they wanted to stick to the comics way of telling the story, but i think some scenes could’ve worked better if readjusted for a movie.

I dont watch many movies. My bar is actually pretty low when it comes to what i like and dont like. But most stuff ive watched these past five years all has had this… “netflix pacing” as i would call it. Where it feels like you cram in too much fluff and still somebow cut off too many corners. I dont know how to pin point good vs bad pacing, i just can tell when its there. And it bothers me a lot.

[bingusbongu]

A/n: hello again! This wasnt a request but something i wanted to write myself! Personally, i love these two silly guys, and ive been reading some good fanfiction about them and GOD do i kin these two, so i hope you enjoy:))) sorry its so long! And maybe abit ooc-

Tw: nothing! Just absolute tooth rotting fluff:)

Sun and Moon dating headcanons!

___________

Sun

• the golden retriever boyfriend

• goodness, if you two end up becoming a couple, this clingy animatronic would be attached to your hip constantly, you cannot get him away even if you tried, itll take a huge force for Sun to be seperated from you

• he respects your boundries! Of course he does! He wants you to be comfortable! He cant have his favorite person in the whole world uncomfortable! He does eveything to make sure you are comfy around him, he knows how off putting he can be amd scary, he had accidengly scared a few people in his time as attendant

• though, if you tell him you dong mind hugs or dont mind him being touchy, it would take abit of reassurance, but Sun is all over you

• hugging you, holding you close, picking you up and spinning around with you in his arms, he is NOT letting you go, whether you like it or not

• He is a toucher, please dont be mad at him. He is constantlh touching you in some way, regardless if its just pinkie holding, or Sun full om trapping you into a cuddle and talking to you about his day

• he is a cuddle bug, you cant change my mind

• Sun is always used to being the affectionate one, he enjoys hugs and cheering up people! No one really cared to give the big sweetie a hug himself. So when you show him any form of affection, he fell on MELTS

• he craves touch, he is so touch starved, sure he loves being the big spoon, but when you big spoon HIM? Swoons

• he loved just crawling into your lap and pressing his face to your stomach as you caress his rays amd faceplate, making him absolutely melt and calm in your hold

• you are the only person who can calm him down. Sometimes he gets to excited abd jumpy, especially when its something he enjoys like arts and crafts (we stan autistic sunny.) Sometimes, you have to calm him before he stims to hard and short circuits

• during arts and crafts with the kids, he really likes to try and make you stuff. And when he does, he presents it to you with the biggest and proudest grin ever, and you cherish each and every one, you have a full wall in your room covered with Sun gifts

• if YOU make him something, though, he would be so happy, he does a little happy dance before taking it and handling it with sich gentle care

• It was made by YOU, and he treasures it greatly

• he has all your gifts for him displayed where he can always see them, it makes him so proud that you make stuff for him, it makes his inside coding beat in place of a heart

• He definitely makes happy little chirps and whirrs when he is happy, and ofc his rays start to spin. It akeays happens when you walk into the daycare

• but to reallu get it going, all you have to do is motion Sun to bend down, and when he does you press a kiss to his big grin

• his rays spin so fast its like a fan, and his voicebox is whirring and glitching

• His forms of kisses, since he can't open his mouth, is pressing his teeth to your lips, and you kissing him instead. Sure he is quite sad he cant actually kiss you, but it makes up in its own ways, he dosnt care, he still absolutely loves it when you butterfly kiss his face all over, he is a giggling mess!

• loves playing games with you, especially after everyone is gone and the daycare is clean, he especially loves tag, which you always lose at. But he just adores hearing you giggle every time he catches you

• he adores you so much, je gets so giddy when thinking about you, he starts giggling like a school girl, goodness you make his chest cavity loosen at the thought of you

• whenever he is stressed, he just thinks about you and everything calms down inside of him

•he loves you, very very much, he feels so special being with you

• he feels like the luckiest robot alive

MOON

• the black cat boyfriend

• he is much calmer then Sun is, the completely opposite of the other AI

• when the lights switch off, you akways great Moon with a smile and a wave. Moon always loved taking control of the body, and the first sight he sees is you

• of course, when he comes out, he has to go on his patrols, he cant just skip them, so every night he has to leave you for alittle bit, it usually lasted only 30 minutes, since Moon could move aroubd fast, and he had the plex memorized

• and he also wants to get back to you asap, cause after you soend so much time with Sun, he wont admit it, but he gets very jealous

• once he gets back, you're usually finishing the cleaning ir checking the daycare's inventory to see if you needed to buy some more items

• and moon will always walk up behind you, and snatch you away from your work

• no matter how much you try to struggle, moon will not let go of you

• He likes to bring you over to the napping area of the daycare and set you in a nest of Pillows he made, and before you can even conplain, he has flopped himself down on your lap, preventing you from getting up

• i like to imagine Moon being a cuddler, too, just not as clingy as Sun could be, but he also loves being held at the same time. And when he does it, he gets you to stop working, rest, and pay attention to him! It was a win in his book, he likes keeping you with him for long periods of time, even preventing you from going to the bathroom, and just whins until you agree to stay

• You always would give in, and relax along the pillows while petting Moons head, who would chirp in approval

• Unlike Sun, he tends to pur when he is happy, especially when he is receiving affection from you, much like a cat

• pet his chin, he LOVES that

• he also loves playing games with you in the dark of the daycare, likehis favorite, hide and seek! You always thought it was unfair, but moon loved it, and so did you

• He would always find you though, regardless of how hard you try, and absolutely teases you about it, he is such a big tease

• though, he likes spending time with you in other ways too!

• especially when you two are lazying around, either Moon sprawled across your lap, or you sprawled ontop of moon, he loves to read to you!

• whether it be a kids book, or any normal book, he loves reading to you snd having you listen, especially when you fall asleep to the sound of his voice

• and will absolutely love it when you read to him, he adores your voice, he could listen to it forever

• if you do manage to fall asleep in Moons nests of blankets and Pillows, moon would admire you for a moment, before adjusting you into a more confy position, and curling up around you, and entering rest mode with you

• he likes the comfy quiet you two share with eachother, he prefers it rather than jt being so loud, he didnt like loud

• that being said, he hates loud, especially when its loud towards YOU. Moon can tend to be quiet protective at times, after he acciently hurt you the first time you met him, he wanted to make sure you didnt end up getting hurt again under his watch

• to help him calm down, youll have to cup Moons chin with both of your hands and make him look at you, before pressing a kiss to his head and whispering reassurance to him

• Automatically calms down and lets himself sooth at your comforting words to him

• Before dragging you away to a safe place alone and cuddling you, not wating to let you go

• just make sure you pet his face, he loves that, and pressing loving kisses to his face, he will relax completely, but still refuses to let you go, and you dont mind

• Moon likes keeping you close, he likes to know that you trust him to protect you, it makes his purrs rumble even louder in your ears when he nestles his face into your neck, pressing his teeth to your skin in little kisses

• moon seems scary, but he is such a softy, especially for you, and he loves you, verh very much, he would never let any harm come to you

• he just wants you to feel safe around him

[regretfulcorrine]

Heeey everyone! So little explanation as to where I’ve been— I kinda took a dive for a while 🥲 Really sorry about that! ((tw// mentions of mental health and mushy gushy emotional stuff under the cut))

In terms of content, I’m sure y’all have seen my Hazbin spiral kinda take a front seat for a bit but I miss my Drarry boys. They have infected my heart too much for me to part from them for too long 😔 And I may or may not have joined/finished a special project filled with amazing people coming out soon involving them 👀

So on Insta and here you’ll see me dive back into my love for them more than on the bird app! I love the amazing people/Drarry artists I found on Twitter, but it’s also a very big place for the fandom to just hit the fan unfortunately 😭 And it’s small enough to where unlike a bigger fandom, it can be hard to avoid. Doesn’t help the anxiety so for now at least I post my boys more here. I honestly wanna just post more on here in general!

I of course will still post my Hazbin stuff but it’ll be just more of a mix on here in terms of what I draw is all 💃 Thank you for still being here 💖

I’ve never really mentioned my health too much before but I have pretty bad crippling anxiety. It’s hard to do a lot of stuff (go outside, talk to people, etc.) and it even at some points has affected me physically. Whether that’s me worrying myself sick or being so paranoid I don’t even wanna really do anything besides watch like silly videos. And because of that I’ve only been really able to focus on one platform and that for some reason just happened to be Twitter (which in hindsight may have…contributed to the anxiety due to the nature of Twitter….ANYWAYS) I have meds and have finally decided to participate in regular therapy, but of course there’s always those breakout episodes!

Idk if anyone else has this thing but it had been such a long time I was afraid. That so much time had passed people were mad for some reason or there would be issues 😭 BUT I’m very happy to have finally just bucked up enough to come back, if you’ll have me!

Ive really missed you guys, and the second I opened this app and decided to post it was literally like a breath of fresh air. It’s weird to say in our great year of 2024 that Tumblr of all places has become calming but here we are lmao

Thank you for reading my rambles and excuses I’m gonna make it up to y’all with some good old fashion boys kissing 💖

[mymelodymia]

"Powers?" Pt 2 Dad!Tony stark x daughter!reader

Summary: you find out you have powers.

Warnings: some cursing, blood,

Picking up right were we left of...

+•°+*°•++•°+*°•+

Bruce stuck the needle through the arm that was affected by the liquid, bruce took a blood sample to study, to make sure you were okay. He took another sample from the other arm, as he was looking at it under a microscope, he noticed something different.

He saw that the blood from your affected arm looked different from the blood on your other arm, he saw small, iddy bitty blue specks, it looked just like the liquid, he wasn't surprised because it had clearly entered your blood stream, he also noticed that your white blood cells had been activated, that hadn't surprised him either, but what did surprise him was the fact that it was merging with your blood cells, that definitely wasn't normal.

"Hey tony, come look at this" bruce said to tony, clearly confused

"Look, this is the blood from y/n's unaffected arm, and this" bruce paused to switch the microscopes out

"Is the blood from her other arm."

"The hell?" Tony whispered, "what seems to be the liquid is merging with her red blood cells" bruce explained to tony who had his eyebrows scrunched in confusion

"It shouldn't be doing that" tony said standing back up, "I'll go check on her." Tony said before walking out of the room, he was worried, scared, and confused, he didn't want anything to happen to you, you were his baby girl, only 12 years old, he wouldn't let anything or anyone hurt you.

+•°+*°•+

Tony walked in, and came to sit down next to you, trying to hide his nerves. You set your book down on your lap, waiting for him to speak

"Hey hun, how you feeling?" Tony asked hoping you didn't say anything that could put you in danger, or anything to do with your arm

"Yeah im fine, but my arm feels kinda funny" you said lifting your arm up slightly, tony let out a shuddered breath, though he tried to hide it, you caught on quickly

"Whats wrong dad?" you asked starting to feel nervous, then you reached for your dads hand, that's when he broke,

"So you know how you were exposed to that blue stuff"

Nodding, you urged him to continue

"So it has entered your blood stream, and is merging with your red blood cells" you looked at tony with wide eyes, slightly starting to panic, thats when bruce walked in, taking off his plastic gloves,

Upon seeing you looking quite spooked he quickly realized that tony had already told you. "Your gonna be fine kid, dont worry"

NEXT DAY

The last few days tony was very stressed, despite bruces attempts to calm tony, it never worked 🫥

"Hey uh bruce-"

"If this is about y/n again shes going to be fine" bruce responded in a flat tone. Tony went to check on you but you were napping, so he went to the couch, where he had tons of flashbacks to the day this all this started, how scared he was, how scared he still was, so he went to his bedroom, his bedroom was yalls safe spot, kind of the only place you two could have some father-daughter time without someone interrupting,

bruce said you could leave the medbey today given that the only thing stopping you was that you couldn't really get up. Like when your sick, how you don't feel the strength to get up, it had nothing to do with your arm or your blood, you just sat there for so long, that you didn't feel like you had the strength, but you did.

When you woke up you went back to reading, bruce walked in at one point, and you asked the question,

"Bruce"

"Yeah"

"Can i come out of the medbey now?" You asked twirling your fingers together, bruce just smiled, took out your IV, and any other wires you were hooked up to, and helped you up, you did a few laps around the room to get used to walking again, then walked out, you were still wearing the same clothes, so you went to your room to change.

After putting on fresh clothes you walked into the kitchen for a snack, where greeted by steve, nat, and thor all making lunch, while Thor was digging in the cabinets looking for pop tarts, nat was making a pb&j and Steve was reheating a taco.

"Hey guys" they all looked up at you, hugs all around, "you guys know where my dad is?" (Flashbacks anyone?)

"In his room I think" Steve replied and you were already bolting off to find him, knowing he'd be happy to see you were up,

"Damn she's running already" nat said with a small smile on her face

You knocked on your fathers door tony sighed thinking it was someone coming to comfort him, yes he was great full that they did this but it just became annoying,

"Look if your here to-" tony pausing upon seeing you in his doorway.

"Hi" you greeted him with a big smile on your face, and tony immediately took you in his arms, taking you in a big hug.

+•°+*°•+

You went to school the next day glad to be back, yes it's school but at least it wasn't the medbey. 🤷‍♂️

It was 2nd period when you heard some boys shit taking about your dad, this infuriated you, "he's just some lame old guy," the first boy said, "yeah his daughter's probably a freak too" that's when you broke. Your pencil went up in flames and went out as you dropped it in fear. The whole class was silent, so you ran, you ended up in a stall in the girls bathroom,

you pulled out your phone to text your dad, you were shaking so bad it took nearly 2 minutes to type 'hey can you pick me up' when he eventually got to the school, and saw you crying, he immediately swallowed you in a big hug, you told him the whole story on the way home.

A/N: ok I'm just gonna stop here, it's already long enough, a lot going on in this one 🫠 but I will make part three soon, so stay tuned <3

[oh-surprise-its-me]

Roy/Jamie prompt: Set during S1 where Roy is an Alpha and Jamie is an Omega. After hours they get into another fight that escalates into a full on brawl, which then turns into mind-blowing, angry sex. They get so passionate that their fangs come out and then both bite each other's necks, right on the mating gland, forming an irreversible link between them. Roy somehow manages to get them to his place where they continue to make love to each other all night. Thankfully tomorrow is a rest day. They wake up bruised and basically married. Instead of rejecting each other, instinct takes over as they want to take care of each other like newly bonded mates are supposed to. Roy's afraid of being to stifling and clingy, only to realize Jamie thrives on it, craves him above all others. They started out enemies, and somehow turn into each other's whole world, flaws and all.

Ohh I’ve never written alpha/beta/omega before

I know some people don’t like it but boo lame it’s better then some au’s

So here’s the tw- alpha/beta/omega dynamics (maybe untraditional?? Idk whatever.)

When Jamie wakes up he’s warm. He feels fucking fabulous.

His neck hurts but that’s what happened when you get a mating bite.

Oh fuck him he’s got a mating bite. From Roy no less.

He couldn’t be happier.

He remembers Roy pressing a kiss to his shoulder and telling him he’d be back with breakfast.

Jamie rolls up and looks around for some sort of pants. He might have an exhibitionist streak but he does know that he gets cold easily. He catches sight of the sweater Roy had on yesterday. It’s a dark green. Should smell like him.

Jamie pulls it on over his head. It fits perfectly.

He wanders down to the kitchen where he smells bacon. Roy is at the stove in sweatpants.

God his back is incredible. Jamie goes over and presses up behind Roy. He licks up the side of his neck. “Morning.”

Roy let’s out a small growl. “Morning pretty boy.”

Jamie hums. “Smells good.” He gets a snort from Roy. “Me or the food?” Jamie lightly nips the other side of Roy’s neck. “Why not both.”

Roy smiles at him. He’s gently pushed to the counter and told to stay. Thank god it’s the weekend and they can just cuddle and fuck like animals all they want.

-

It’s a few hours later and they’ve talked everything over. Jamie sighs. It’s been a fabulous morning but he wants a shower.

He brushes his hand over Roy’s head from where it’s laying on his stomach. “Wanna shower now.”

Roy nods. He sits up and leans against the other arm of the couch. Jamie tilts his head and stands.

“Aren’t you coming with me?”

Roy blinks up at him. “Figured I’ve mauled you enough. You deserve some alone time.”

Jamie blinks at his mate.

He slides onto Roy’s lap. It makes the older man startle lightly. He grabs Roy’s face. Makes him have eye contact.

He gently shakes Roy’s head. “Why would I want to be alone. You’re my mate I literally never have to be alone again. And I don’t want to be alone ever again.”

Roy stares at Jamie. Shit. How does he have such the perfect mate. “You sure? Ive had people tell me I’m annoying about affection multiple times.”

Jamie gets a murderous look in his eye. “And I’ll fucking end them. I want you to be ‘annoyingly affectionate’ Roy I’m annoyingly affectionate.”

Roy shakes his head, hard to do since Jamie’s fingers still have a grip but he manages. “No you fucking aren’t. You’re perfect wanna be around you all the time.”

Jamie leans down and presses a kiss to Roy’s lips. “There. Problem solved. We’re doing everything together for a while. Including that shower I wanted. Get up come on.”

Roy can only obey. He is in awe of his mate how perfect of a mate he got. Roy knows it’s a formality but he wants to marry Jamie. He’ll bring that up another time when he doesn’t have Jamie wet in the shower waiting for him.

[open-hearth-rpg]

Base Building: Great RPG Mechanics #RPGMechanics Week Seven

I’ve always loved the idea of developing a “place” in play: a location, a home, an organization. I remember when Advanced Dungeons & Dragons arrived it presented the concept of high level fighters & such having a castle or keep. The rules limited this privilege limited by level– you needed a ton of experience before you could be lord of a fortress. And it also cost in-game money. A hefty price tag would consistent mechanic in ttrpgs for years. If you wanted something big– vehicles, robots, a wizard’s tower– you had earn hard cash first. 

That system would evolve with cash-based economies joined by point-based ones. Champions and accounting-heavy games would eventually create systems for detailed base-building. But these were often architectural and mapping sub-systems and just involved making a big vehicle that didn’t move. There would be other approaches, but the next big shift came with Forged in the Dark’s Crew Playbooks.

Developing your Crew offered many benefits: increased effectiveness in certain areas, physical locations offering a benefit, new access, additional members. A tier system and crew special abilities added to that. You picked elements from a flow chart on the Crew sheet, another version of experience points being converted into benefits. This system offered a striking new area for game design. I’ve talked before about how games like Girl by Moonlight and Vergence use those as campaign and series frameworks. 

But one of the most exciting new Forged in the Dark approaches has been that of Mountain Home. In MH you play Founders, leaders setting up a new Dwarven Settlement. The settlement itself acts as a kind of crew playbook, but there’s a shared template. You can choose between claiming a lost fortress, building a buried metropolis, being on an exodus from their previous settlement, or seeking to mine a new mother lode. Each has questions to help set things up and there’s a definite shift in tone between them. The choice of settlement type impacts abilities, special discoveries, and a couple of other things. 

Mountain Home, like other Forged games, has a distinct cycle of play. The Settlement Phase is final part of Mountain Home’s play cycle and includes the Downtime phase. It marks the end of the year–something which mentally gives the players a sense of closure and the larger span of time happening. The phase begins with players activating Claim Buildings. I’ll come back to that in a moment, but basically there are effects: like special healing or increasing reputation which are based on particular buildings. 

Downtime actions in the settlement phase include the usual FitD choices, like training and clearing stress. But the big ticket item here is the Long Term Project. As with other FitD games these can be flexibly used for lots of things. 

These projects include two of the most important aspects of Mountain Home: Discoveries and Claim Buildings. The players’ settlement is broken into four rows and five columns. The rows represent depths from Surface to Depth 3. Each of the intersections of Depth and column have two spots where players can eventually build Claim buildings. But to do so, they first have to discover and explore them– a long term project. When they finish that project, the GM rolls to see what kind of location it is (Earthy Caves, Iron Vein, Lava-Filled Caverns, etc). The depth and kind of discovery affects what kinds of buildings can be constructed in those two associated spots. There’s also a set of special discoveries which can get triggered, unique to the kind of settlement being built. 

The other big long term project is establishing one of those Claim buildings. As I mentioned, some have requirements for where they can be built. For example a Lumber Mill can only be built in a Surface Forest, a Research Library in an Ancient Ruin, an Iron Guildhall in an Iron Vein. These have different Tiers (up to IV); the clock for building them is 3+Tier. So with a couple of people working, a building can often be finished in a single Settlement phase. 

This breaks the concept of base building away from just point-buying or experience spending. Instead the act of creation is part of play. That’s novel and opens up what you can do in play. Functionally you have two things. The first is the idea of a space which needs to be prepared: explored, excavated, etc. Players take actions and invest in handling that. Then there’s actually choosing and building things in those uncovered areas. 

The selection of buildings is really interesting, but with room for the players to add more. Some affect the Trade roll which is made after the Downtime phase, generating treasure. Others are permanently dedicated for effects. For example, you need to dedicate a Farm of some kind to raise your settlement’s Tier. There’s enough options and interesting ideas there that the players will always have tough choices– and each settlement will be different. When I ran it players did projects to come up with the plans for new buildings (which they then spent actions building) including a Hot Springs.   

I would say the Settlement map, the Claim buildings, and that whole system is really the secret sauce of Mountain Home. It’s great and really makes adding what are effectively elements to your crew sheet feel super satisfying.

You can easily hack this in-play base-building I can imagine using this for developing a space colony; it maps easily to that. You could adapt it for something post-apocalyptic like Forbidden Lands or Twilight 2000. The players find an abandoned base or town and have to work to restore it. For something like Urban Shadows or Vampire, it might be about extending influence over the area. One idea I’ve mentioned before is the concept borrowed from Wrath of the Autarch. In this fantasy setting, the players are exiles who had fled and found themselves at a long-lost supernatural fortress. They have rebuild that in order to gather allies and strike back at the Empress who drove them out.

[thewitcheswitch89]

The Witches Image

Papa Emeritus IV - Part 34

you can also read on:

Min Heyoka (@TheWitcheswitch89) - Wattpad

Your heart was racing, panic and confusion filled your mind as you realized that you had to face Copia now.

You could hear your name being called outside the library, so you ran to the door and opened it. "In here!" you shouted.

As you opened the door, Copia was standing there, his face a mixture of concern and relief. He rushed over and took you in his arms.

"Oh, thank Satan!" he exclaimed, holding you tightly. "I've been looking everywhere for you! Where have you been?"

"I was talking to Lilith!" you said.

Copia's expression darkened at the mention of Lilith's name.

"You talked to her?" he said, his voice sharp. "What did she say to you?"

Copia glanced over as Phantom and Mountain approached, watching the scene in silence.

"She's no longer a threat...the siblings can go back to their rooms!" you said.

Copia nodded and motioned for Phantom and Mountain to leave. They hesitated for a moment before silently turning and walking away.

Copia looked at you, his eyes burning with a mixture of concern and intensity.

"I'm sorry...that I left...!" you said, looking at him. "But I had no choice!"

Copia took a step closer and placed his hands gently on your shoulders.

"I understand," he said, his voice soft. "But you scared me. Running off like that... I was worried about you."

"Lilith...Lilith told me her plans for me, Copia!" you said, fighting back tears.

Copia's eyes widened and his grip on your shoulders tightened slightly.

"What plans?" he asked, his voice tense. "What exactly did she say?"

"She wants ... me to be her deputy on Earth!"

Copia's expression darkened as he heard your words.

"Her deputy?" he repeated, his voice filled with anger. "She plans to make you her puppet, to use you to spread her influence."

"She said... you are Lucifer's deputy... and I will be hers. So we are like her and Lucifer in hell!"

Copia's lips tightened into a thin line as he digested your words.

"So she's trying to replicate the dynamic between her and Lucifer," he said, his voice thoughtful. "But I will not let her use you, my love. I won't let her turn you into her puppet."

"No...there is no chance...she said that I have powers...that she chose me for a reason...that it is my faith...and that Lucifer knows about the plan...and she wanted me to tell you...that he wants to talk to you about it!" you said.

Copia's face paled at the mention of Lucifer's involvement.

"Lucifer knows about this?" he asked in a low voice. "And wants to talk to me?"

You nodded and hugged him. "I'm so scared, Copia..."

Copia wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly.

"I know, my love," he said, his voice soft. "But I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I'll protect you no matter what."

"But how...we can't do anything....Maybe when you talk to Lucifer...you can try to change his mind!"

Copia gently rubbed your back, trying to comfort you.

"I'll talk to him. Maybe I can convince him that this plan is a bad idea. And I will do everything in my power to keep you safe."

"I promise, my love," he whispered, his voice firm. "I won't let them use you as some kind of pawn in their power games. You're not a toy or a tool; you're a person, a person I love and will protect no matter what."

"You have to talk to the other Papas, I don't know when Lucifer will talk to you...I'm afraid for you, love!"

"But for now," he said, taking your hands in his. "You need to rest. You've been through a lot tonight, and you need to take care of yourself. Can you do that for me, my love?"

Copia nodded, understanding the urgency of the situation.

"You're right. We should talk to the other Papas. They need to know about this. And I also need to be ready to face Lucifer if he wants to talk to me."

"No, I'm not going alone! I won't leave you!" you said.

Copia chuckled softly and looked at you with a mixture of affection and determination.

"I didn't expect anything else," he said, gently brushing a strand of hair from your face. "You are stubborn, and I love that in you. But you still need to rest, even when you're with me."

You sighed...reliving that you had just misunderstood him.

Copia smiled, sensing your relief. "Don't worry, my love," he said, gently tracing his fingers along your jawline. "I have no intention of leaving your side. We're in this together."

Copia and you walked back to his apartment through the crowd of siblings leaving the church, angry and talking loudly. Terzo approaches two of them.

"Ah, I've been looking for you two," Terzo said with a grin on his face. "I heard there was a little... incident."

Copia looked around. "Come with us...I'll tell you all about it."

Terzo nodded, his smile fading as he felt the seriousness in Copia's voice. "Alright, lead the way."

Copia and you led Terzo to Copia's apartment, closing the door behind them once inside. The room was dimly lit, the only source of light coming from a few scattered candles. Copia gestured for Terzo to sit down in one of the chairs before sitting down herself.

You sat next to Copia and grasped his hand under the table.

Copia squeezed your hand gently and gave you a reassuring smile before turning his attention to Terzo.

"Are you ready to hear what happened?"

Terzo nodded, his expression grave. "Yes, tell me everything. I'm listening."

Copia told Terzo everything you had told him about your conversation with Lilith.

Terzo listened intently, his expression becoming more serious as Copia spoke.

"So, Lilith is trying to turn her into some kind of deputy on Earth..." he mused, his voice low. "And Lucifer knows about it. This is..... disturbing."

"We have to tell Sister Imperator!" said Copia. "This is serious ... and Lucifer wants to talk to me about it, it seems," Copia looked at you and you nodded.

Terzo nodded in agreement. "You are right Copia. We must inform Sister Imperator as soon as possible. And as for Lucifer's involvement... we don't know what he has in mind or what he wants to discuss with you. But we must be prepared for anything.

"We have to tell her now, Terzo!" said Copia. "We don't know how much time we have!"

Terzo stood up with a determined look on his face. "You're right. We shouldn't waste time. Let's go and inform Sister Imperator right away."

"No, you have to bring her here...I cannot leave Lia's side now!" said Copia.

Terzo nodded, understanding the urgency of the situation. "All right, I will bring Sister Imperator here. You and Lia stay here and wait for me. I'll be back soon."

"Bring the other Papas as well," Copia said before Terzo left.

"I will," Terzo said and nodded. "I will gather the other Papas and bring them with me. We'll be back soon, Copia. Just wait a little longer."

Copia turned to you, his expression serious but gentle. He pulled you into his arms and held you close.

"It's going to be all right, my love," he whispered, his voice soothing. "We'll get through this together. We just have to be patient and prepared."

"And I want you to rest now," Copia said.

You opened your mouth to protest, but Copia silenced you with a gentle yet firm look.

"Don't argue with me," he said, his tone gentle yet stern. "You have been through much tonight. You need to rest, my love."

"No, I want to hear what Sister and the others have to say!" you said.

Copia sighed and gently cupped your face in her hands.

"I understand that you want to be involved, but you're exhausted, darling," he said, his voice soft. "You need to take care of yourself. I don't want you to overdo it and exhaust yourself even more."

"NO!" you protested. "This is about me and you!"

Copia's expression softened when he saw the determination in your eyes. He knew it was pointless to argue with you when you were so stubborn.

"All right, all right," he relented, taking your hand in his. "You can stay with me. But you have to promise me something."

"What!", you said.

Copia took a deep breath and squeezed your hand gently.

"Promise me that you'll take care of yourself," he said, his voice firm but concerned. "Promise me you'll get some rest when you need it. I don't want you to push yourself too hard. I care about you, my love. Your health and well-being are important to me."

"I will...but we were in this together," you said, leaning forward and kissing him.

Copia's eyes widened slightly at the unexpected kiss, but he soon melted into it, gently cupping your face in his hands and pulling you closer. When you broke the kiss, he rested his forehead against yours and looked into your eyes.

"We're in this together, my love," he whispered, his voice deep and warm.

You stood up. "I'll make some tea," you said, and went into the kitchen.

Copia watched you go, a small smile on his face. "All right, my love," he said, his voice soft. "Just don't overdo it. I don't want you to exhaust yourself making tea."

"Stop it, will you?" you said.

Copia chuckled softly, his smile widening. "I'm just looking out for you," he said, his tone playful. "It's my job as your friend to make sure you don't overdo it."

"It'll be fine...I think!" you said, putting the kettle of water on the stove.

Copia leaned against the counter and watched you intently as you made the tea. He could see the worry in your eyes, the uncertainty of the situation hanging heavily in the air.

"It will be," he said firmly, his voice filled with determination. "We'll get through this, my love. Together. I won't let anything happen to you."

You tried to hold back tears. I prepared some cups for the others. And a big teapot.

Copia took a few steps closer and wrapped his arms around you from behind. He could feel the tears in your eyes and wanted to comfort you.

"Hey, hey," he whispered, his voice soft and gentle. "It's okay to cry. I'm here for you."

[msanonymous]

There are tears in my eyes when you mention taking me to the hospital again.

But you're too busy doing something else to look at me.

Like how it's been my whole life. I don't want to go there. They'll kill me.

Or worse, they'll find a cure to undo the effects of my attempts at it.

“Are you dying?” a kid sitting across from me in a hospital lobby questions innocently.

I smile at him in the niqab and wonder,

If he's old enough to tell it from eyes. “I don't know it yet.” I answer.

“Then are you here to get a new hand like me?"

I avoid looking at his sling to save my heart from breaking,

as I say “No I'm here to get new blood.” He tilts his head like he doesn't get it.

But then starts telling me about the time he got scared while getting an iv,

I listen to him like there's nothing in this world more interesting than it. There isn't anything really.

He has so much sparkle in his eyes,

that I want to pick him up and run away.

So that I can save him from this cruel world.

Protect his toothy smile from these people to snatch away.

But then I remember what I did to the child in the mirror.

I was supposed to love her.

I couldn't, it's not my fault though.

She didn't have anything worthy in her.

There's a pigeon with an injured wing living on the tree in front of my window.

Everyday the sun rises in the sky and so does it,

or tries to, only to fall below,

hard on the ground, I flinch when it happens, but then at least it's better at this thing than me.

I wonder if I'd also be trying everyday if I just had an injured wing?

Living, not surviving?

I wonder if I had wings in the past and they took them away?

Is that what the scars on my back are trying to say?

If yes, than what about the scars on my heart. Is there a way to fix it?

Fix it? Fix it? Fix... Me?

That's what my sister says to me while,

We walk back home when the moon's high in the sky.

“I wish you could fix yourself, so we could go back to how it was before.”

How was it before? I try to remember.

I can't. There was no before.

Just pain and some more.

“What in me needs to be fixed?”

I hesitate so much before asking the question

that my voice betrays me and dies in my throat.

She speeds up her pace and reaches home.

Leaving my bones behind to shiver in the wind,

I look up at the sky and ask

“What in me needs to be…

My voice dies from humiliation before reaching above

A new dawn comes, outside my window, but it stays night inside,

I prostrate before my lord and ask him for relief, despite being unsure if I deserve it,

I walk to the park, under the sky of birds leaving their homes behind.

I didn't. I don't even know where it is or if there's one mine.

There's an old lady smiling at the sight of kids playing.

I can't help but notice the way her eyes crinkle behind her glasses as she does so.

Maybe I stared too long, because she's turning her head towards me, I turn away quickly because it's mortifying,

To be seen, to exist, to breathe in public.

“I always loved kids,” she begins, her voice having a motherly affection.

Please don't say you couldn't become a mother, please, please.

She does.

I close my eyes with pain. “I'm sorry,” I try to say but it feels too useless, too small, too petty, too... me.

Sorry. It's the word just like my whole existence.

“I can't either,” I say looking ahead at the children.

“Oh I'm sorry!” she says. And it starts to bleed as the glass coated sorry of mine that was stuck in my throat slides its way to my stomach.

So I muster a nod and whisper what I should've said instead of sorry in the first place, “Fiha khair!”

I whisper the words to myself the entire walk back to my house.

Whisper them as my head hits the pillow and sleep seems too faraway.

Whisper them as relief feels too distant

Whisper them as relief comes to me and says I'm not coming, so I just shake my head and

Beg my lord as my head lulls to sleep:

‘To take me when he's pleased with me’

I open my eyes at the sound of beep

It's of a machine attached to the heart of my body

[rainbowgaez]

long ramble because i just dropped my gf off at the airport and I am a fucking mess with too many thoughts in my brain

over the last couple weeks, i finally met one of my partners—the one ive been with longer than ive been with literally anyone else in my life. despite being together since mid 2016, this was the first time we both had the wherewithal to make a visit happen, and while that may seem like it took way too long, for a lot of reasons that you don't need to know, it couldn't have happened at a more perfect time.

she flew in on the 26th and immediately i knew we would get along just as easily as we had online for years before then. both of us have always talked about how quiet and introverted we are, but it was one of those things where i didn't know if we were going to truly vibe irl until it happened, even if both of us were pretty sure we would.

we always talked abt how the first car ride from the airport was going to be awkward—it's a 3 hour drive from my place to there. both of us are slow to work up to physical affection, but when i picked her up, it wasn't but like ten or twenty minutes into the ride before we were wrapped up in each other. it just clicked. that's so incredibly rare for me with anyone. even partners ive established intimacy with, i usually have to re-warm up to them after time apart. so the fact that we connected so quickly when we first met was so special.

im a pretty boring, solitary person. my favorite activities are ones in which it's quiet and i can do my own thing. this is always a bit scary for me. i don't want to bore anyone just because my brain only ever feels like engaging with what it wants. but that wasn't a problem with her—quite the opposite, actually. we could just sit there and quietly do our own thing in my room, and it felt every bit as special as it would if we went out and did things. there was no pressure for either of us. we settled into each other's patterns instantly. within days, it felt like she'd been living with us all along. i wished that were the case.

distance is hard. it's a lot of counting. how many miles apart you are. how many hours, days it would take to close the gap. how much time will it be before you can be together for real.

and then, when you plan a visit, it becomes about counting down, and that's so exciting. you start counting the months until it's time. before you know it, you're counting the weeks. it's something to look forward to. something to hang on to.

but the moment you meet, the countdown isnt exciting anymore. it gets a lot harder. you might still have weeks to count, but before you know it, weeks become days. days become hours. hours become minutes. minutes become mile markers, and mile markers become exits, exits become streets, streets become steps, and steps become seconds spent holding each other, waiting for the other to pull away because it's the last thing you want to do. but you have to. that's the only way to start the count over. and that sucks. because you dont get to know how long it's going to be until way later. but just the same, you don't know when the next countdown will be the last one. it's the most terrifying assurance there is.

i feel blessed that me, her, and all my partners exist in the same time, in a reality where we have the ability to connect to each other despite how unlikely the chances of us ever meeting were. i feel lucky to live in a world where, one day, a silly string of text like @nudist-squid can be the first name i know someone who will eventually become one of the most important people in my life by.

but at the same time, im heartbroken and devastated. it feels cruel that we met because of certain circumstances, and yet we exist so far away for those same reasons. and closing that gap takes so much from both of us, and there's no promise we can ever close it for good. but if I can help it, I certainly want to try.

this summer has been dogshit. ive been through so much unnecessary bullshit, and when things have been looking to improve, something else happens. but this was the most wonderful bookend to a dismal season i could have asked for.

thanks for reading.