#that actually hilarious

[dramatic-dolphin]

when we were studying the bible in literature class (so we have the context necessary for later works that reference the bible), i think we were at the book of jonah, and one of my classmates was studying the text very intently, and then looked up and earnestly said "professor, i don't understand the will of god"

the teacher was just like. well sadly i am a literature teacher and not a priest so i can't help you there. but if it helps, many people throughout history had the same problem.

[nextstopparis]

when in fics they say two characters gave each other a look this is always what i envision in my head

[frownyalfred]

thinking about the expert masseuse Alfred hired for the family that is paid a small fortune annually to provide massage services and ignore so, so many things. No questions, no remarks, just quality service and an ironclad NDA that, if broken, would probably topple said masseuse’s entire family line.

Things Alfred is paying them to ignore, in no specific order:

Bruce’s spinal hardware courtesy of Bane :)

weird amounts of muscle on everyone, even the kids (despite them allegedly not working physical jobs)

scars

FRESH scars

the fact that every joint in Bruce’s body clicks when moved/manipulated at the tender age of 42

Olympic athlete level physiques

rotator cuff injuries across the whole family

scars that are definitely from bullets and/or acid splashes

old signs of what looks like torture (Bruce)

Dick’s entire left arm is basically screws and plates (he “fell really bad” once)

every single family member takes deep tissue massage with max pressure with 0 complaints

calluses

no really, the weirdest fucking calluses

[olgipolgi]

wanted to see if they kept that stupid face Shadowheart makes this scene and I'm CRYING

[cyanoweasel]

did the actual tomska reblog my stupid decade old rageface??

[backpackingspace]

okay so post epic odyssey where odysseus and Penelope have surfaced from their room finally and he and diomedes are catching up I'm imagining the conversation going something like this

Odysseus: so then I gave up being merciful and became the monster.

Diomedes:....you tried being merciful?

Odysseus: Yes?

Diomedes: you did? You tried being a good merciful person? You?

Odysseus: Yah okay fuck off it was polties dying wish. I had to try.

Diomedes:.....90% of the war crimes in the Trojan war were suggested, planned out, and carried out by you. We literally stoned to death the guy you had a personal grudge against. We framed him for treason and stoned him to death. 70% of why Athena liked you was because she thought she knew all the ways to kill someone and then you'd suggest something insane and I'd see her taking notes. You literally gave Ajex a psyoctic break just being yourself.

Odysseus: shut up

Diomedes: I'm not wrong. Did you tell Penelope about your attempt to be a good person?

Odysseus: What? Of course I did. I told her everything.

Diomedes: did she laugh?

Odysseus:...shut up that's not the point

Diomedes: she did didn't she!!!

Odysseus: ANYWAY eurylochus wasn't appreciative of my return to monsterhood and he started causing problems so I

Diomedes: killed him? Yah saw that coming. No shit. I'm so shocked.

[beanghostprincess]

The most frustrating thing about this is that girly actually met the closest person to Nami and didn't even know I am literally screaming

[egophiliac]

(looks at upcoming card releases)

I'm in danger :)

[sunfortune]

colin: i feel like i need to get a good grade at being a husband

kate: don’t put so much pressure on yourself colin. there’s no such thing as-

anthony: they just made me valedictorian of being a husband 😁. my major? loving and cherishing my wife. my grades? As across the board. my gpa? 10 billion-

kate: SHUT UP

[starsofang]

you love simon. truly. playing games with him in your free time was your favorite pastime, especially when you knew he was getting deployed and wouldn’t have the chance to join you for an extended leave. there was only one tiny issue.

the man is competitive. no matter the game, no matter if you were a team or against one another, he’s slipping you teasing comments that you’re 90% aren’t fully teasing and actually hold a bit of honesty.

some of the games he plays with you weren’t supposed to be competitive. some are even simple customization games that you had to beg him to play with you so you could create each other’s characters. now that he is playing them, you have moments of restraint to not shove his head into the screen.

“your colors don’t match the theme, lovie.”

“shut up, simon.”

“yes ma’am.”

“i think you need to spend more time in an aim training.”

“are you saying my aim is bad, simon?”

“no, ma’am.”

“how many times are you going to miss the damn jump?”

“i’ll do it again if you don’t shut up, simon.”

“you’re doing amazing, lovie, keep it up.”

it was utterly infuriating. but when the times came for his long deployments and the house was quiet, no snarky quips being thrown from beside you on the couch, you longed for it.

to hear him trash your aim, or tease you for not being as good as him — it may seem like he’s mean to you from an outsider’s perspective, but to you, it’s his love language, and you desperately miss it.

so, you’ll take whatever tease he throws. you know it’s his way of saying ‘i love you’, even if you want to rage quit every time.

[in-burning-red]

[corgiteatime]

I love seeing people call whatever is going on between Astarion and Gale as "toxic old man yaoi."

Because if you told them about it, Gale would look sad and say, "Toxic is a bit of a strong word. Everyone in this group has their own issues and-"

Meanwhile, the 200+ year old vampire shaking with rage behind him would shriek, "OLD?!?!?!"

[warpedpuppeteer]

"Eddie was never gay". Eddie worked in the dispatch building and immediately got into a petty passive aggressive territory bitch fight with Josh, the other gay man in the team. Gay recognises gay <3

[drulalovescas]

"spn fandom has the worst gaydar ever"

POSSIBLY

"the supernatual cast have been so openly affectionate and horny for each other that we failed to see the obvious signs"

PROBABLY

"we were told for years that the gayest love story that ever graced our screens was only platonic so we're preconditioned to think they're just buddies"

MOST DEFINITELY

[mothfulhansel]

once long ago i had a dream where people kept pissing me off but every time i got angry they would smooch me on the forehead and it was so sweet and unexpected i just immediately forgot how was i even angry i decided to project it into Zoro and Sanji

[haveihitanerve]

every year on the anniversary of when they met, Bruce steals Jasons tires. It doesnt matter if jason is off world, when he arrives at the ship, the landing tires are gone. hes in a different part of the world? His bike tires are gone. Hes at the store? bam suddenly his shopping cart wheels are gone. Hes at home? the wheels on his chair are gone.

Bruce thinks hes funny.