#fyi they are not actually old; yes that is part of the joke

[corgiteatime]

I love seeing people call whatever is going on between Astarion and Gale as "toxic old man yaoi."

Because if you told them about it, Gale would look sad and say, "Toxic is a bit of a strong word. Everyone in this group has their own issues and-"

Meanwhile, the 200+ year old vampire shaking with rage behind him would shriek, "OLD?!?!?!"

[mandaplease10]

A Polin Take Nobody Asked For #5

*Penelope & Colin Aren't Friends*

Once again, there are complaints about how Pen & Colin were never actually friends because we never see them be friends. We're simply only told they are friends and now we're supposed to believe Colin loves her after saying he would never court.

Well, I am here to tell you why that is wrong. Oh and someone on twitter claimed this season has no narrative... like are we watching the same show??

FYI this is a long post!

Season 1:

Colin dances with Penelope after Cressida spills a drink on her. Even before this, he sought her out to have a conversation with her.

There are several times we see Colin and Penelope speaking at balls or gatherings.

Penelope tries to tell him about Marina and he is grateful for her friendship and care, but he doesn't listen to her because he thinks he knows Marina. Yet, he still took the time to hear her out for the most part.

Once Marina's secret is revealed, Colin apologizes to Pen and recognizes she was just trying to look out for him.

Colin goes traveling the first time because of Pen inspiring him to do so.

Colin singing in the drawing room and lowers his voice/stars at Pen when she walks in.

Season 2:

Their letters - This is a huge element to their friendship and their storyline. Honestly, I would love to have seen what their letters entailed over the years. Maybe one day we'll have a scene of them going through their old letters or something.

Colin's arrival - hello! That look he gives her when he sees her there in the drawing room after greeting his family. I believe had Hyacinth and Gregory not rushed him and Anthony didn't walk in to go to the races, he would have walked over and said something to her.

At the races- he sees Pen and walks over to her. He initiates the conversation and talks about their letters until Eloise ruins the moment.

Another moment he initiates a conversation is when Pen assumes he met someone on his travels and he talks about how he 'found himself' thanks to her letters.

Lady Crane was right about you - He knows that Pen cares for him and is special in his life and the fact that someone else saw that made him open his eyes a little more.

Defending the Featheringtons - Colin stood up to his friend Will when he said something negative about Pen's family and then again when he realized Jack was scheming around.

You are special to me. I will always look out for you - HELLO! Yes, Colin has a hero complex, but he doesn't do this for everyone! He doesn't seek out to help Cressida or other women of TON, but he risked standing up to a "Lord" to save Pen's family from ruin.

You are Pen. You are my friend - Colin literally calls her his friend and holds her above just another woman. Yes, in this moment she was sort of friend zoned, but the fact he still wanted her in his life, means something.

"I would never court Penelope Featherington" - Yes, this was not a good look, but this was also Colin trying to put on a facade in front of the gentleman. Plus, I also believe that in his state of mind, what he was doing and how he is around Pen, is just how they are together, yet in other's eyes, it was very much courting action.

Season 3:

His arrival - Immediately looks for Pen and when he doesn't see her, looks towards her house confused as to why she isn't present.

The Gardens - Smiles when he sees her and is eager to talk to her, upset when she cuts their conversation short.

The ball - Stares at her and watches her from afar and rushes after her when he sees her in distress.

Goodnight Mr. Bridgerton - Tries to joke around with her and have a friendly conversation, but realizes something is wrong. Feels horrid when he realizes why she is upset with him and wants to talk it out, gets upset when she leaves.

The Featherington Garden - Again, he seeks her out because he wants to make things right with her. THIS ENTIRE SCENE IS PRACTICALLY A WHY YOU ARE SPECIAL AND MORE THAN A FRIEND TO ME DECLARATION. If you actually watch this entire scene, you will see that there is genuine friendship and love there.

The Meet Cute - Seriously, the fact that HE remembers how they met AND he was the one who brought it up, says A LOT.

The Drawing Room - He listened to her and brought her to a place that makes her comfortable. He even made sure it was during a time when they would be alone. Also, it is obvious he feels something during the touch of hands and her attempt at flirting with him.

The Ball - They have yet another conversation amongst the two of them and he encourages her to talk to someone. Then they have a laugh. A genuine laugh, one that she never really had with Debling later on... Then we have the little bouts of jealous Colin when she's speaking to Lord Remington. Then how angry he gets when the word gets out about him and Pen and how he rushes after her in worry.

The First Kiss - Once again, Colin is seeking her out... in the middle of the night... bribing her maid for alone time. Like... not just anyone does that. Colin only had to do the one kiss. The one peck because that was all Pen asked for, but guess what? He went in for another one and would have kissed her again if she didn't leave. We can tell on his face, that he felt something he never felt before.

The Dream - Most people don't have romantic dreams about their friends unless there are feelings there.

The Willow Tree - The awkwardness is everything and pure friends to lovers.

I could continue the rest of their moments, but I'm not going to because so many of the same people keep saying the only reason Colin wanted Pen is because of Debling, well guess what everything that I listed above is PRE DEBLING. Yes, there is that moment in episode 1, but it isn't until episode 3 when Debling actively tries to pursue Pen and vice versa.

So, yeah, Polin haters can keep complaining and trying to make excuses as to why they dislike the season, but the receipts are the there to debunk those claims.

[profanepurity]

what are some names Primo and Eliza have thought of when they’re ready to have kids? After plants? Demons? Anti saints(if that exists)? Or after saints as an inside joke, to piss off seestor and nihil?

FYI, love your art and it always makes me smile when I see you’ve posted something new!

Thank you so much!!! I'm so happy and honored to hear that my art makes you happy 🖤

So the name of Primo and Eliza's baby is actually fairly significant in the AU's story, so I thought it would do better formatted as a full-blown fic!

The short answer to your question is that they actually came up with a name pretty early on. Primo was definitely wanting to name their baby after a flower for a hot minute too lol.

They didn't do it for their baby, but I can totally see them presenting baby ghouls that spawn in Primo's garden by jokingly naming them after saints (Nihil and Seestor get so mad lol)

It's funny that you mention anti saints too since that's totally in the plot of a comic I'm working on 👀

CW!!!: Bishop! Primo x sister of sin oc, graphic descriptions of violence, injury, and blood. There is a death scene. Mentions of sex as well but nothing explicit. I PROMISE this is about baby names lol 🤭

Fic, "Guiding Star", Under the Cut!! Word Count: 4,224

Bishop Emeritus Primo stood at the altar, hands folded neatly in front of him, his eyes a dull red in the darkness of the room. The latin prayer slipped past his lips so easily and smoothly. Primo had ascended the ranks of the highclergy into a bishop by merely the age of 20. He would spend a large part of his life in this ranking before his next ascension, but he was destined for a great purpose in the Old One’s evil plan. 

Only two month prior, Lucifer had come to him in a dream. The fallen angel had chosen him to rear the antichrist. Having children was never something Primo had considered, being so focused on his studies and pleasing the expectations of the church and his own father consumed his early life. But it seemed that Satanas had his own expectations that he would need to meet as well. 

Primo had awoken violently from that very dream, breathing rapidly as sobs wracked his body. Prophetic dreams were not necessarily uncommon for the young Bishop to have, far from it actually. But what made this one so different was the fact that the dream had- well, terrified him. 

For context, usually Lucifer liked to make his dreams a bit of a light hearted mind fuck. Sure, there would be some intensity to them depending on what the message was, but humor was usually sprinkled in there some where or another. Contrary to what you might think, Lucifer was rarely serious for more than ten minutes at a time. The Right Reverend Stell even possessed a dry, dark humor than would make you crack up in the middle of a tense encounter, or grow even more disturbed by the man.

 Fucking Bishop Stell. 

That was what pissed Primo off about these dreams more than anything. Bishop Stell, Lucifer, was across the damn hallway in his own quarters. Yes, his presence was not always within the church, as he would be “attending matters else where”, yet rather than simply coming to him in flesh, Lucifer preferred to leave him sleepless with cryptic, baffling dreams Primo would have to spend hours deciphering later. The young bishop would wake with a groan and disgruntled italian grumblings, shuffling out of bed and throwing the covers off himself to write it all down at 3 in the morning, only to be greeted in a meeting full of bright eyed, happy Bishops.

No, this dream had sent Primo into a panic, fighting to breath as he sat upright, eyes wide and full of tears as he actually considered going to Reverend Stell like a child that had a nightmare.​​ The thought that this could have been a product of his own mind did cross him, but it just didn’t seem likely. 

Primo was of course well aware of Lucifer’s fall from grace. The elders within the church droned on and on of it in the children’s ministry. It was tiredly preached by every priest that had ever held a mass. The Fall was the equivalent to the Gospel of Matthew around Easter, everyone knew it. The only time the story would be remotely intriguing anymore would be if Bishop Stell or Bishop Null would be leading the sermon. The most recent time, the Reverend had Free Bird playing in the background as he described the dissension as if he had actually been there- Primo wondered if anyone outside of his family and the ghouls knew that he actually had been. 

“What the scripture left out in this passage was how your unholy Father killed 27 angels, burned down seven monestraies in heaven, and fucked up archangel Michael significantly… before he did unfortunately get his own ass kicked.” Bishop Stell worded it as if he was describing a fight he was in 20 years ago at a college party. 

“When your mothers ask you if you would jump off a cliff if your friends were, your answer should always be yes. Belilal fell from heaven right after Lucifer, he wasn’t going to let his best friend embarrass himself alone. You shouldn’t let your friends get their asses kicked alone either.” Bishop Null would add in that happy, charming chirp he had, smiling with amusement. It was never something the Lords themselves would take seriously. 

This dream had been the most vivid, graphic experience of warfare that Primo had every experienced. He stood out of body, watching swords and weapons swing, wings fracture and bones snap. So much blood shed onto the white clouds. Heaven had turned red. 

He spotted Lucifer easily. How could be miss the great Seraphim? His destruction of the Heavens had not been exaggerate. Magnificent structures burned, angels were crushed and torn apart like prey, the dogs of Heaven dropped from the skies like dead flies as Lucifer let out an indescribable shriek- a harbringer of death. 

For a brief moment, Primo thought that Lucifer’s Order was going to prevail. He watched in a shell shocked awe, unable to move or look away. Though he was sure if he were to look down he would not see his own body. But, as he knew was inevitable, the Rebel Chief fell, dissolving into the body shaped like a man as angels swarmed and broke him down. The Prince of Heaven’s armies, Michael, locked into combat with the weakened Lucifer, backing him further and further towards the edge, until Michael’s spear plummeting through his chest and sent Lucifer in a rapid descent down from seraph skies- now chaos bound.

Blinking, Primo found himself in the Pit. The white goat beside him stood among the fires, exhaling puffs of sulfur. 

“Emeritus… eligit te.” It rasped. It happened too fast for Primo to register immediately, as Lucifer’s body plummeted and hit the ground only a few yards away. The noise upon contact made the young Bishop want to vomit. Satanas stood up on his hind legs, prancing and bucking wildly in celebration of the fallen angel, laying so sacred and profound on the floor of Hell… suffering. 

Primo remembered the day Lucifer had picked him up and held him during his dedication to the church. He remembered every whisper, every soft brush of phantom wings around him that had comforted him to sleep as a small child in the orphanage. Lucifer always answered his incantations and summonings, always held his head and directed his eyes to ground him in a vision. Primo didn’t want to turn and face him. He didn’t want to see the body. 

“Pater meus filius… imperia perdet… adducet plagas… rectores orbis terrarum.” Lucifer’s voice was forced and strained, blood filling his lungs as every word hitched in a choked sob. How could Primo not look at him? He suddenly possessed his body again, coming to his side and placing shaking hands upon him, daring to touch him. The fallen angel’s body burned, seering every nerve in his hands as he held them to Lucifers split open head. 

He accepted. “Etiam Domini.” Primo managed to speak, shocked to hear how his voice came out in a trembling whimper. Primo stared into the white, empty eyes of Lucifer as black started to seep into them through the edges. He was vaguely aware of the other bodies falling. 

Belial… Beelzebub…Asmodeus. 

“... The opening to Free Bird is pretty fitting right now actually.” Primo didn’t even think about his words, he just spoke. His eyes widenned at what he’d just said, but Lucifer actually smiled, blood seeping past the corners of his lips and down his cheeks. It’s a shame he won’t be breathing during that sexy ass guitar solo.

Hearing the unholy Father described as waiting in tomb was something Primo had always thought to be more metaphorical. He wasn’t expecting, nor prepared, to feel that burning heat turn stone cold. He stared at the slacked face in his palms, hearing mournful, pained shrieks and wails in the distance.

His Father just died in his arms. 

The scream of a woman that he some how knew was Lilith tore apart the trance Primo had fallen into. That’s how he found himself sitting up in bed crying. 

Sunlight creeped in through the curtains of his room as the muffled, some how still obnoxious music was carried by the morning.

He never thought he would be so happy to hear Mama Mia at 6 in the morning. 

*

Primo had gone straight to the children’s ministry to find a very particular sister of sin. The sight of her auburn curls peaking behind her habit drove him towards her. 

“Your Excellency?” Sister Elizabeth barely had time to greet her boyfriend properly before he was fully embracing her in a tight hug. She had put down some of the fruit she had been preparing to plate for the children’s morning snacks to wrap her arms around him, place a hand on the back of his head and running her fingers through the platinum blonde. 

“.... Primo.” The slight urgency in her hushed voice had forced Primo to pull himself away, enough to look at her at least. 

“Lilith came to me-”

“Lucifer came to me-”

They both stared at each other in shock. Eliza went first, telling Primo that Lilith has declared her to take the position as the next Prime Mover. Who her Papa would be was not mentioned. Primo then told her his dream, and that Lucifer has chosen him to father the antichrist, but didn’t describe who his Prime Mover would be. 

Another silence fell between them as they processed eachother’s words. Primo looked down at the little mobile crib that Eliza was keeping beside her. He recognized the one year old that had been dropped off at the ministry’s door not long ago after Sister Imperator had returned to the church, much to his father’s shock and delight. Primo stopped himself from thinking about that train wreck of a relationship as he just sighed at the sight of baby Copia- the only thing his mother had left him with was his name and a warm blue blanket. His youngest brother Terzo was only a few years older than him.

Eliza noticed Primo’s gaze and looked at Copia as well. Smiling softly, she went to pick him up, holding the bundle in her arms. Primo could help but think she looked gorgeous holding a baby.

“I think you’ll be an amazing Prime Mover, cara.” 

As Primo considered his future more after that, the young bishop would come to the children’s ministry to visit his Sister of Sin daily at the tail end of her duties. They’d only been dating for a little less than a year at this point, but Primo couldn’t think of anyone he would rather have a child with, especially one so important. Seeing her read to the children and make them laugh and encourage them in their little activities broke his heart each time. Her patience was seemingly endless, and her love for the children sang through her eyes and voice like a song only he could hear. He knew she would be an incredible mother.

One day, she had caught him watching her, fixed on the way she was rocking a little one to sleep. A smirk graced her lips, making her fangs peak past her lips in a way that made the Bishop feel as though he was going mad. The sister approached him quietly with the baby. 

“Sorella?” He raised a brow at her as she offered him the baby. 

“Would you like to practice?” She asks in light wry, earning a scoff from Primo. 

“I get enough practice wrangling mi fratelli.”

“Si, but I want to see what you’ll look like as Papa.” She practically purrs at him. The future Prime Mover seems to have chosen the father of her child as well. After that little announcement, Primo took her straight to his room, barely keeping his hands off her. 

It wasn’t until they were tangled in eachother’s arms, breathless and spent, did a thought come to Eliza’s mind. 

“.... what the hell do we name the antichrist?” She gasps softly, her head laid against her bishop’s chest, scarlet eyes blinking up at him widely. Bishop Emeritus stared right back at her with his own mismatched gaze. 

That was a good question. 

This would eventually lead to quite a few serious conversations between the young couple. The reality of marriage, the reality of having a child, the reality of raising one, regardless of its significance to the Old One’s plan, needed to be seriously considered. They were both very ambitious clergy members, involved in several demanding obligations and duties within the church, and to their own dark practices. Just managing to see eachother on a regular basis was some times a struggle. 

Primo was also actively involved with Secondo and Terzo, only six and three years old respectfully. He was aware how demanding it would be to raise a child of his own, along with his little brothers, as he was certain the significant absence Papa Nihil had with him would be extended to Secondo and Terzo throughout their childhoods. 

Starting a family would need to wait for the time being. This at least gave them time to consider a name though. Bishop Primo and Sister Elizabeth spent any night they had free walking the gardens that Primo was beginning to steadily expand himself. He would show her the names of the floral, occasionally mentioning how some of them could be potential names. 

“Leilani is beautiful.” Sister Eliza mused at the thought. 

“Si… Is that a name you would like, my Rose?” Primo asked her as she held his arm. 

“Mm… it’s definitely an option. Not too feminine?”

“That’s a good point… we should keep the name neutral.” Primo’s voice trailed off in thought as he stared at the plowed patch of this section of his garden. Eliza couldn’t help but brush the blonde hair off his creasing brow back into the rest of his hair, amused and smittened by how serious he looked. 

“What if our child rises from coal and ash like a feral fire ghoul crawling out of the depths?” She asks him, eyes glowing softly in the night. 

He gazed upon the gorgeous, hellish creature that was his wife to be with nothing by adoration. “... That would be metal as fuck.” he breaks the seriousness and makes her giggle. 

“We would have to off set some of their power by naming them something stupid… like Kevin.” Now Eliza was fully laughing. Her laugh was more beautiful than any song or hymn Primo has ever heard. 

They did eventually settle on a name. 

The prophet of the Morningstar took a deep breath as he finished his morning prayer and stood from the altar, putting out each candle one by one. Today would be the day he would present that name. 

*

Primo found himself growing anxious as he walked through the halls of the high clergymen. His arms folded behind him as his mind wandered past where his feet were taking him. It made sense to him and Eliza that if they were going to wait on having a child, even still after becoming Papa and Prime Mover, that they could at least designate a name for their future child as a promise to the Old One. 

Primo was torn out of his thoughts by the click of heels and a warm voice. 

“My, we’re quite grave this morning, aren’t we?” There stood the tall, deathly beautiful Bishop Mater. His anxiety lessened almost immediately as he bowed his head to her. “Reverend, fogive me, I’m just a bit… nervous.” He admits. 

“What could the unblessed Bishop Emeritus Primo possibly be nervous about?” She asks, serpent-like eyes gazing upon him, somehow holding the same softness you would expect from a mother looking proudly at her son. 

“... I’ve decided on a name for Lucifer’s child. I’m about to present it to the Bishops. I hope you’ll be in attendance at the meeting…” His words caused the other bishop to lose her smile, falling silent. Primo’s edge returned now tenfold. 

“... If you think I shouldn’t-” 

“No-” Her hands come to rest on the outer sides of his arms. “You should.” Mater’s reassurance did little for him now.

“... I want to show my gratitude towards Him for waiting. I want the dedication to be a promise and to prove that I’m committed to his will… but what if He rejects the name?” Primo’s voice dissolves. Yet Mater’s gaze softened with every word she listened to, her pupils dialating into round, doe-like orbs. 

“You’re not going to name his child a latin number, right?” Her smirk growing when Primo bristled up. 

“Absolutely not!” 

“Then he’s going to love it, sweetheart.” Her nose crinkling as she smiled. Mater kissed his ringed hands and then his forehead, making the young Bishop’s face scrunch up slightly as he tried to hide his smile, the feeling of her lip gloss sticking to his forehead. 

Primo continued his walk after that and entered the small congregation room of the Bishops, Mater trailing behind him silently, slipping past him and the door frame to move off to the side. The boisterous arguments and barking laughter had become a pleasant normalcy to Primo. It was such a stark difference to the other clergymen. He even found himself wishing Nihil would spend more time here like he used to, only drifting further away into his own obsessions with the Ghost project as he aged. At least he still smoked weed with Satanas from time to time. 

“There you are, you’re late.” Bishop Avarice huffed at him through his cigar, the large man reclined back in his chair lazily, just as if Beelzebub was in his own throne. 

“Reverend Carnalis isn’t here yet,” Bishop Null chides at him quietly.

“Carnalis is probably balls deep in a sibling right now.” He rolls his eyes, biting down on that cigar with large canines that looked a little too sharp. Bishop Null just grinned at Primo before he noticed the edge to the young man. 

“Seen something spooky, kiddo?” Null was far too sweet looking, far too kind, Belial only needed a small reason to snap. 

Primo controlled his breath and kept his eye contact with Null, reminding himself he wasn’t in a den of ghouls… yet. 

“I wanted to present something to you all.. If your excellencies are not otherwise occupied.” 

“Depends on what you're presenting to us, Emeritus.” There was the honey smooth voice of Bishop Carnalis walking through the door behind him. He sounded as attractive as sin itself, but behind that mask he wore was the flesh and blood of Asmodeus, dripping with carnal desire. 

Before Primo could continue, Bishop Mater stopped Carnalis, sliding her hand over his chest and pressing herself to him strategically. “I think we should all hear what Reverend Emeritus’ presentation is before Reverend Stell arrives. 

Now all eyes and ears were on Primo. 

“... I have decided on a name for Lucifer’s child.” He repeated what he had told the unblessed mother in the hallway. The background noise of Def Leppard on the radio some how ceased the moment the words left his mouth. Silence fell upon the room, Avarice’s cigar threatening to fall out of his mouth, Carnalis’ previously tight grip on Mater loosened, and Null looked almost scared. 

Primo felt like he was about to snap, barely managing his agitation at this point.

“Is that what you’re presenting to us?” Null asked as he came around the table towards Primo, seeming anxious himself.

“I’m started to question if I should now.”

“No no- just let us hear it first.” Null ushers, perhaps his vibrations were poorly masked excitement rather than anxiety. 

“Kid, if he hates it you’re fucked-” Avarice barely finished his sentence before the Reverend Bishop Stell opened the door and stepped in. 

“Who’s getting fucked now?” He asks, standing in the open doorway and looking over each one of them. “.... who killed the radio?” The Bishop’s suspion darkening his expression.

“Oh we were just-” Mater was cut off as Primo turned to face Stell. “I have an offering for Lucifer.” Defiance shining in his eyes, glinting red as he looking up at the older man. Primo rarely stepped out of line, and even more rarely did raise his voice to another high clergyman, or anyone for that matter.

“He was running it by us, but I believe it would be best if we spoke about it privately first-”

Null walked over to Stell’s side and touched his arm. Primo was not going to allow any more delays though. His nerves have twisted into anger and spite of the Bishops. Even Primo had had his reckless moments as a young man.

“Sister Elizabeth and I are designating the name of the antichrist.” Now Stell’s eyes were locked solely on Primo. Black eyes that held an emotion Primo couldn’t quite discern at the moment, one that he might find concerning if he wasn’t so pissed. 

Primo held Lucifer’s gaze, not daring to look away. He was waiting for the young Bishop to dare to continue. There was no backing out now.

“....Michael-.”

The door slammed shut so hard the hinges nearly tore out of the wall. 

“IT WAS A JOKE- I WAS JOKING!” Primo shouts just as Lucifer stopped right in front of him, barely contained rage being held back. Satanas’ laugh trickled in from the shadows in the back of the room like sand paper against a chalk board, mocking Lucifer.

Primo could practically see the flames of Hell threatening to erupt out of Lucifer’s mouth and eyes. “... Yeah, that was a good one, you little shit.” his snarling whisper promising violence if Primo didn’t pick his next moves very carefully. He could feel the tension from the other Lords around them. 

“... no it was, that was a shitty joke.” Primo admitted quietly as he moved his hands up slowly. He was very aware how weird and stupid this probably looked. However, he was trying not to die right now, so a bit of embarrassment could be forgiven. He placed both of his hands on either side of Lucifer’s head, just like he had in his dream. The prophet stared into his eyes with no fear or hesitation. Eliza and him were fully committed to their future child, and fully dedicated to the fallen angel. 

“I am dedicating the name of your child to you, Lord Lucifer. They will be named Astr, after my guiding star. I will love and guide them as their father, just as you have done for me.”

It was almost comical the way Bishop Stell’s shoulders fell and his brow lifted. And Primo would’ve laughed if he didn’t see the shocking, deep sadness that filled Lucifer’s eyes. It was like Primo told him the worst news of his life, and suddenly he grew terrified and scared again. He didn’t have time to say anything as the image of baby Copia flashed in his head for a moment, confusing the young bishop. When he focused back on Stell, he was smiling, like he wasn’t just about to start sobbing, hell he looked incredibly proud even. 

“I believe Lucifer would greatly approve of that name, Bishop Emeritus.” He purred, taking one of Primo’s hands from his head and kissing one of his rings. 

“I feel like I’m watching a fucking Hallmark movie.” Bishop Avarice groaned, earning a hiss from Mater. The tension finally lifted and the music finally came back on. Nothing Else Matters by Metallica played quietly in the background as the other Bishops approved and blessed the name, despite the jabs and sneers from the sappiness. 

The heir to the Emeritus lineage and the bloodline of the dark architect will be, Astr. 

Bishop Emeritus’ attention was pulled by Bishop Carnalis, playfully questioning if this meant Sister Eliza and him have been getting busy lately. While he was distracted, Null discreetly slid his arm behind Lucifer’s back, pressing a warm palm to the permanently fractured piece of his spine, then to his shoulder blades where rotting wings would connect to his body. He had caught that initial look. When Stell finally looked at him, he just smiled handsomely and winked at the other. Null returned it weakly, but he couldn’t maintain it as he whispered near his ear. 

“I heard what she named him… I don’t understand how you expect me to walk around here and not gut her for that kind of offense.” Null’s words were shaking slightly with anger.

“Babe, you sound really negative right now, you know that?…”

“... That’s because I hate seeing you in pain, jack ass.”

“And I love seeing you go batshit with a ritual blade… but we have to keep playing dress up for now…” Stell’s eyes met Null’s for a moment, just an inch away from eachother. Null stared at Stell’s lips for a moment before smirking, leaning into his ear once more. 

“I liked you more when you impulsively started wars with God… You’re boring now that you’re a daddy.” He nips the shell of Bishop Stell’s ear sharply, before pulling away and walking back into the center of the conversation with an innocent smile, ignoring the low growl and burning lust in the glare from The Devil.

[monitorchakas]

343 Guilty Spark Mega Fan Girl DUMP

Hi welcome to my trash takes that started sometime before 2007 and has continued well into the future

Fyi: I will talk spoilers without warning for both forerunner saga and rion forge trilogy

Part 1- Bungie Era

Yes I loved 343 Guilty Spark before he got any of his big character development. I'm a huge fan of scifi robots I was also obsessing over portal and hal 9000 around this time. I defend hal 9000 too lmao read the books to find out why

He's round hes cute hes really just following protocol ok leave him alone.

I VIVIDLY remember my highschool friend being like BUT WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM??? and me responding :

I've always been in love with the "mystery of the forerunners" especially in Halo 1 where we are just walking around this ancient beautiful place with 0 knowledge of it. Guilty Spark has always been the one connection we have to forerunners and that makes him awesome.

even before 343 industries made those (absolutely perfect amazing) terminals we knew that Guilty Spark had been alone for 101,217 years on a ring, he witnessed everyone who was susceptible to the flood die as planned.

Halo 3 Era we learn all he knows is his halo ring because his makers limited his knowledge to only about his ring thru

compartmentalization

(which is clever mention at the end of primordium. I know bungie didn't intend it, I don't care still think it's neat) (halo 3 the ark cutscene)

He's always been interesting to me, he never meant to be evil, he's just programmed to be the way he is. He literally doesn't know any better

"Protocol dictated my response"

"Now I have only one function to help you reclaimer as I always should have done"

"The installation was my responsibility"

"I take no pleasure in doing what must be done"

P.S. I've watched the halo 1-3 cutscenes so many times that I can recite some of them word for word. Lmao

I legit made a cardboard foam version of Guilty Spark during this era (and tim dadabo saw pictures of it online!!!) Also wore a Guilty Spark dog tag to school for many days. It was confused a few times with Wheatley and sometimes I just let people think it was Wheatley lmao.

Also NO JOKE First time I played the library (I was in middle school mind you) had a dream about walking around in the library (empty of flood) and finding a broken little guilty spark. Weird takeaway but Im convinced the universe was foreshadowing my blorbo obsession lmao

Around this time I made a Master Chief costume out of cardboard and got my helmet signed by Steve Downes. I was around 15yrs old, this was literally the greatest thing to happen to little me

Part 2- Forerunner Saga

I really didn't expect my beloved blorbo bleebus the one skrunkly mofo that everyone else seemed to hate to get content past Halo 3's Saddest Anime Ending. Yet here we are!

Prelude: the halo 3 terminals. I definitely printed the transcript out and read them in class instead of actually paying attention in school lol I remember being obsessed with Mendicant Bias. Funny that he'd later be involved in killing Chakas...

Jan 4, 2011, 2 days before my bday, 1 day after my best friend's bday, Halo Cryptum was released. During the time before this day I was major hyped about this book. I was caught up with all previous halo books, I wanted the mysterious forerunner lore, and best of all here is the chance to get some lore of my favorite Guilty Spark.

I remember preordering this book without paying the extra amount to get it signed. I remember being very confused as to why I'd pay to have a book signed before I had read it. I'll regret this for the rest of my life.....

I absolutely adored Cryptum. I love adventure books and the beginning half is just so amazing and special!!! I remember being slightly disappointed that Guilty Spark never showed up (lol to my knowledge at the time) but the book was SO GREAT that I didn't even care. Also Chakas name was so funny at the time I had recently seen "shaka when the walls fell" - Star Trek TNG

I started stalking when the next book in the forerunner trilogy would release because I MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO CHAKAS RISER AND BORNSTELLAR MY POOR BABIES also hopefully Guilty Spark will show up?? Haha!! I remember someone asked 343i in some panel if Guilty Spark had any lore in the forerunner trilogy and they responded something along the lines "we have something big planned for him but we can't elaborate"

Needless to say my hype was astronomical

Later that year GUILTY SPARK CRASHED COMICON!!! HALO CEA (my favorite halo game) REMAKE WITH TERMINALS!!!! SCREAMING AGCTJCDYUC!!!

I watched this video about 101,217 times:

Also hey!! Primordium is releasing Jan 3, 2012 on my best friend's bday!!!

A Great Time For Guilty Spark fan like me

I watched the first few terminals in early Dec then went on vacation and had to finish the rest later which unbeknownst to me worked nicely because this meant Id be reading Primordium and watching the halo cea terminals side by side which made me suspicious of the chakas/guilty spark connection because

Guilty Spark in the library and the maw terminal speaks VERY FONDLY of the Librarian, and Chakas also just speaks very FONDLY of her thru most of the book. Plus Chakas is revealed to be a monitor at the beginning of the book so I definitely was thinking THATS SUS!!!!

Going back to Dec I remember reading the preview first chapter of primordium on vacation at the top floor of my grandma's house by stealing neighbors internet and I don't know why I remember this so vividly I must have really enjoyed this moment

When Primordium released I spent the entire book going "Is Guilty Spark Chakas? No it can't be thats stupid" because reasons explained above and also every time a monitor would show up id think "uhh Guilty Spark???" Thought the same of Genemender lol.

Also forgot to mention: I was at first very upset that they had killed my boy Chakas like what the heck they mean saying he's a monitor How Dare They??? LOWKEY STILL UPSET

FUN FACT: I WAS 18 YEARS OLD WHEN PRIMORDIUM RELEASED

I remember being like WOW CHAKAS IS around the same age as me!!!! Which just makes his death ever more tragic.

I've said it before I'll say it again, even before the Guilty Spark reveal, I genuinely enjoyed Primordium. I like adventure books and I like character development. Walking around aimlessly on a halo ring by characters Im already in love with from the previous book is great. Also Gamelpar.... he's so absolutely great.

Remember when people started using Salty as a term? Well I found that silly and slightly annoying so I started telling anyone who would use that word "WELL THE GODS PISS SALT THATS WHY SOME ANIMALS LIVE BETTER IN SALTWATER" Nobody around me understood and my explanations only caused more confusion and I still think thats hilarious.

Anyway book ending. I immediately recognized

COMPARTMENTALIZATION

Because this is legit my favorite Halo 3 Guilty Spark cutscene. He looks so absolutely adorable here. Look at him!! He does a twirl!! Cuteee!!!! AAAA!!

I definitely was very happy that my earlier suspicions were correct, but very sad that my boy's human life had ended. Such conflict, much sad.

Also HOLY SHIT HIM TAKING CONTROL OF THE RUBICON I LEGIT ENJOYED THAT ENDING WAY MORE THAN I SHOULD HAVE

Anyway I made this 343 Guilty Spark plush this year (2012) lol

So lets talk about primordium releasing in 2012 and renegades releasing in 2019. Do you know how long 7 years is to a nerd like me? Yes Silentium Continued part of the story, but holy shit getting spark back in the current halo timeline then waiting 7 years to continue

I begin to understand how guilty spark felt after the halo rings were fired just waiting alone for 100,000 years just like me waiting alone for 7 years gosh this is so corny lmao

Silentium was great my favorite part was when Monitor Chakas rescued Bornstellar and said the whole "chakas could have murdered you back on erde tyrene and he didn't" because you know BEST FRIENDS SO PRECIOUS

I have lots of fond memories of listening to the forerunner trilogy audio books during long car trips. One time we were on our way to take a ferry to an island and I jokingly went "I hope they are playing the right songs" to which my brother rolled his eyes (I was referencing the merse lol). I associate a lot of my adventures with halo audiobooks and its awesome.

I remember Halo 4 came out and I thought for sure we'd see Spark when we saw the Librarian

Lol Nope. Not mad, Halo 4 is a masterpiece and I will forever miss that era of halo especially now that we have the train wrecks that are 5 and 6.

When Halo 5 came out, I didn't buy the game. I watched the cutscenes on youtube, was horrified and didn't interact with halo for about a year or so. I fell behind on the halo books. I'm still behind.

I still occasionally stalked Guilty Spark's Halopedia for that possible Primordium sequel but this was much less often than before. I was very upset at what they did to our Cinnamon roll Cortana.

Part 3- Rion Forge Trilogy

So May 11 2019... I check Guilty Spark's halopedia page because hey I haven't done this in years what the heck

and I see the Armiger...

So after waiting 7 years. I finally got my book.... But Im almost 3 months late...

Needless to say I went that same day to Barnes and noble and bought the book. Started reading it and didn't get very far. I still had not read Smoke and Shadows so lol didn't make much sense. I couldn't find a local bookstore that had it so I got the digital copy. I hate digital copies.

I genuinely LOVED Smoke and Shadows I was very upset when they killed Cayde and its cool that Rion is Halo Wars Forge's daughter. Also FINALLY SOME EVIL SPACE CIA LORE. I hadn't enjoyed that since back when hunt the truth came out

On to Renegades: I was so genuinely excited for this book after 7 years, we got the sequel, And what a great sequel it was.

I love how organic and down to earth these books are. It's own style not something epic and out there like Greg Bear. It's the perfect place in time for Spark to regain touch with his own humanity.

I love the relationships of all the characters! I love watching them all forced interact with Spark whether they wanted to or not (Niko sure wanted to lol)

Gonna list some highlights from the book in no particular order:

When they went to Myer's Moon and Spark sat on top of a rock waiting for the right moment to shoot a fish out of the water. You don't understand. I grew up near the ocean, sitting on top of rocks waiting for an opportunity to catch a fish (which I later released)... this is absolutely great and so oddly close to me...

When Spark compared himself to Niko, where he said something along the lines of "the life and friendships stolen from me (chakas) since he was Niko's age when he became Spark. Also him wondering if his mom and sisters ever looked for him, if they thought he died in a knife fight. My brother is now near Chakas age. So that hits differently now...

When they got their stuff back from ONI and Spark snatched up Rion from falling and him later snatching up the siblings and lecturing them to be more careful!!

Spark going back to Erde Tyrene.... holy shit. I remember him asking to go back in Silentium...

Spark telling the librarian that "the greater good is merely an excuse for the strong to make decisions for the weak"

Them doing the ritual at the end and Spark letting go of his friends....pain...

This book was definitely very special to me. I'm really glad they put so much thought and love into this redemption arc. (Even though he didn't need redemption in my eyes lol)

I remember how EXCITED I WAS for Point of Light

I remember just doing the weirdest most EXCITED scream when I saw it announced. And I mentioned it before will repeat I legit was freaking out internally when buying this. I was legit stupid levels of excited. I remember vividly how I felt when buying this...

I loved the connections we got in point of light to forerunner trilogy. I said this before but for the sake of this post: To prepare for this book I had reread a month or so before the forerunner trilogy and the two Rion Forge books and that was so absolutely rewarding especially since..... poor Spark got sent back to Zeta halo by the librarian. What a great mom!! /s

Gonna list some highlights from the book in no particular order:

Spark's redesign for this book is not only lore accurate but he looks GREAT much better than renegades

Spark and Little Bit interacting. I wish we got more....

The as was before place or w/e where Spark liked to pretend he was still Chakas on earth

Going back to installation 07 was great (horrible for Spark) but great to read, the silent cartographer.... omg... why wasn't it in infinite...

There were a few moments where Spark was doing "cool ai stuff" like when he destroyed all of ONIs bugs and trackers

Spark's (brief) interactions with Veridity (lowkey mad we didn't see her in infinite

When Spark was explaining how Chakas (innocently) thought he could trick the primordial/mendicant bias and escape

The ending.... where Spark says goodbye to Rion as Chakas and does a smirk..

Fun Fact! At the beginning of this book Spark talks about how his mom says to not dip you toes in still water since there's crocodiles and I read this a few days before I had plans to go kayaking in a swamp with gators and I was already pretty spooked about it and this didn't help lol.

Anyway I could continue but I think this enough random incoherent babbling from me. If I forgot to add anything Ill reblog or something

Thanks for coming to my SparkTalk

Ill leave you with my custom figure of Spark ❤

Never forget that he's baby lol

[the-bjd-community-confess]

CW: age gap relationships

I think this answers the unasked question of: Are there delusional predatory groomers in this hobby. Answer: Yes.

1) Lolita is supposed to be a cautionary tale of how sick twisted individuals will try to justify every disgusting action they take to groom, and predate on those with less power, and who're younger than them, while making themselves seem the victim and innocent, trying to convince everyone but mostly themselves that they're in the right. It's not an instruction manual, just FYI.

2) "He was 20, I am 30." Ok... so you just admitted to creeping on a guy who just left teen-hood, and is your student, but also that you see nothing wrong with you being an established adult in a position of power over him, and creeping on someone who based on your dynamic, looks up to you as a guiding figure. Gotcha.

3) 10 year age gap relationships or crushes aren't the problem, when it's two established adults who're both stable. Ie: 35 and 45 is normal and fine. A 10 year age gap, with a 20 year old who you admit is a student, who's not an established adult, and still susceptible to the power imbalance, and you being a 30 yo predator, with a position which gives you all the power to potential groom, is not the same. No, this is also not an instruction, get help. You don't have to be a pedo to be a fucking creep, you can be a fucking creep by using your position of power, and your status. Also, this would also apply if you were a boss, and the guy was your employee or whatever. 4) "And as for the copy/twin part… get the sticks out of your bums, people, it’s a freaking joke. " IT'S JUST A JOKE GUYS! ME BEING A CREEPY CRINGY PREDATOR IS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE! I'M NOT ACTUALLY A GROSS DISGUSTING POWER ABUSING TEACHER WHO WANTS TO MAKE A DOLL BASED ON A STUDENT! IT'S A JOKE!!! ISN'T THAT FUNNY? CRUSHING ON A STUDENT IS JUST SOOOOOO FUNNY!! HAHAA!

That's what it sounds like... you're basically in the same kinda camp as people who say slurs, offensive jokes, or just insult people, and when called out rightfully, claim it was just a joke, and it's everyone else's fault for rightfully calling you out. Read the room you nugget, you're the dumbass, not the people calling out predator behaviour, grooming, and just generally being a weirdo creep. 5) Personal opinion, but making a doll based on a stranger is just fucking creepy, and kinda unstable. It's already weird when it's actors. But when it's a random private person, that's just a whole different level of what the fuck-creepy.

~Anonymous

[the-nysh]

(1/2) I think the "Kacchan is a tsundere" mentality stems from the anime. Bones oversimplified his character way worse than others, and many viewers associated that over the top aggressivness with being tsundere, which... no? Not all aggressive characters are tsunderes??? I am so glad you agree with me in this, we're a few minority, in the fandom. It especially irks me when Kacchan & Deku fans view him as such, 'cause they're simplifying years and years of tragic misunderstandings with "oh yeah

(2/2) kacchan was like that 'cause he's just a big tsundere!!! <3" and trying to make him a more ""acceptable""" character. That's so sad. Sure, Kacchan is a popular character. But many of his so called fans don't actually like him, they like the idea (more often than not fetishized) they have of him.

(In response to this post.) Exactly anon. :') Not all aggressive characters are inherently tsunderes, which is why I share that minority(?) opinion. (My reading for Kacchan, including his dynamic with Deku, is similar in taste to punkbakugo's or hanashima's fyi, so thankfully we're not the only ones who see them this way.) Granted, the 'tsundere' angle can become an acceptable gag (at times) when he's taken off-guard or embarrassed out of his usual element, that he reverts (on reflex) back to his old explosive-aggressive habits. (Before immediately schooling back his expression into something more socially appropriate...this disaster is trying, but his attitude is deliberately tied to his quirk, meaning it's part of him and he wouldn't be himself without it. :'D)

But in a more general sense yes, the flanderization of his character has spread far & wide, both in fanon interpretations and in official (non Hori) content. Perhaps to make his character more easily accessible to the masses by appealing to more common, easily-digestible tropes (which the anime and side material not written by Hori often resort to), which I feel greatly oversimplify the legitimacy of Kacchan's anger, the whole decade of his tragic fundamental misunderstandings with Deku, and his struggles coming to terms with his own self-worth in a society that values quirks over the merits of one's character. (Something very dehumanizing to impart on 4yr olds...again, most people in-universe assumed 'oh he's strong so he's fine~' emotionally, no he wasn't; adults failed him there.)

Where Kacchan's shitty behavior as a child was a direct consequence of that, and his shock at having his world view continually shaken by what he just couldn't understand (ie the merits of Deku's character), including his frustrations at rarely having his own problems/pain perceived seriously (as a person??)...all of his responses to that is something that's absolutely not fake or masked. (In fact a big contribution to his anger was thinking how long Deku had been fake to him, he couldn't stand it with the paranoia & fear believing Deku's 'kindness' on the surface had only been looking down on him in mockery & betrayal. :')) So many misunderstandings he couldn't comprehend spiraled and made him feel like shit. Oh what a mess.) That his character's flaws, conflict, and inner complexes to overcome feel deeply raw and compelling to those who understand the [human] struggles he's going through. Having any of that ugly complexity written off for 'ease of access' or belittled into a joke feels like it completely guts who he is.

So whenever I see takes of his anger, emotional struggles, discomfort, or legitimate opinions softened or written off as 'tee-hee~ oh he's only being a silly loud tsundere brat', or 'he's secretly been a softie all along who's just pretending & misbehaving,' or 'only this person [insert any pairing] can handle him and tame him into submission'...those are examples I happen to find particularly dismissive, disrespectful, and quite frankly offensive. D: (There's meta moments in-universe where characters who don't understand him actually treat him like this, and boy do those moments stand out as so wrong.) So yeah, under no circumstances will you see me like those weakened, oversimplified, ooc 'Kacchans' played straight into the tropes w/o nuance, or appreciate him placed in dynamics designed to either humiliate him or artificially punish him thru someone else's projected revenge fantasy. (Yes, I can sense when people do this thru Deku's character too, making him ooc as well!) I just don't like to see Kacchan (or any fav) treated poorly or portrayed that way at all, so I'm glad anon you get where I'm coming from. :'D

[readbythestarlight]

BOBF chapter 4: The Gathering Storm

“Boba Fett partners with Fennec Shand” what?? they’ve been parters this whole time

Oh wait maybe this means this is when he partners with her after she gets shot in TM

Which means our flashbacks are catching up to present day?

I’m still mad about the Tuskens just FYI

Hmmm so is this where the plan to take over the palace starts to come into play? And his motivation is to fix Tatooine for the Tuskens?

Banthas are giant desert dogs now huh

Oh good a burp joke

Oh wait did I hear a hint of a Specific Theme in there?

FENNEC

What’s the timeline of this show exactly because like we start with him after the sarlacc. How long was he in there? And then how long was he with the Tuskens? Because the events of Mando are 5ish years after ROTJ (supposedly)? The passing of time here isn’t very clear. Not that it matters I’m just curious.

Honestly tho I’ve been dying to know how he found Fennec so I’m excited

Oh god it’s them again

Wait

Them…. BEFORE Boba met them in present day?

What

Why are they even here

Thanks I hate this tie in

Techno cyberpunk kids are not what I want

“Aren’t you a little old to be here” oh go choke

I mean seeing how she got her cool cybernetics is neat but I don’t like the feel of the scene. The music?

Oh look stinky melons! So they DO stink and they didn’t just give Cobb a rancid one.

Hi yes anyone wanna write some fic of Fennec dealing with some of the trauma that comes with having your body heavily modified without your consent even if it was to save your life?

Bonding through almost dying in the desert awwww

So yeah he’s not an idiot he shouldn’t need her to tell him that bikers weren’t behind killing the Tuskens

“My debt is paid” girl please you’re destined to become his bestie

The Slave I has just been sitting in there for 5 years huh

Anyway Fennec continues to be the most badass and my wife

Boba being an animal guy is both adorable and unexpected

“Now go! Find other banthas, make baby banthas! Go!” Might possibly be my least favorite line of the series

Idk if Temuera Morrison *actually* said he feels like Boba talks too much but sometimes I agree.

“Kill that bloated pig who double-crossed me” wait…. Who are we talking about. Fortuna?? How did he double cross Boba??

Okay now this feels sincere and I’m soft about Boba who found a kind of peace with the Tuskens and who was ready to stop being a hunter and just live a normal life with people he cared about

Oh this tech is NEAT

Fennec has ALL the cool toys

Fennec continues to be too cool for this show

Ouch the SI is looking rough

Right okay so Boba pre-bacta treatments can kick a Gammorean’s ass, but then later AFTER he’s had treatments and should theoretically be stronger, needs the Gamoreans to taken down people kicking HIS ass. Make it make sense.

Fennec my Queen

Ohhhh badass shot as the ramp closed

“Next time?” Yeah what next time I thought you were ~leaving :)

I’d have loved to see a little more than “one mission and now we’re buds” but hey

Oh is he gonna blow up the fucking sarlaac??

Wait I’m sorry the ship can fit down in there? *doubts*

Oh wait it wasn’t in there just…. Zooming in somehow

RIP the sarlacc

“Next time don’t touch my buttons” I don’t want to laugh and yet I did

“I’m tired of our kind dying because of the idiocy of others” I am once again confused by his motivations for becoming daimyo

“You can only get so far without a tribe” okay I’m into that line

“Completely healed”???

“What about the scars on the inside” Good question

I do continue to love the colorful parts of Mos Espa (just not the power rangers mopeds)

lol Wookiees rip your arms off

Welcome to the palace family Krrsantan or however you spell your name

I like “hey mate”

Stuff is finally going to be happening now maybe…?

Cool final shot that like exactly fits how I imagined the upper portions of the palace with a balcony and all

Overall MUCH better than ep 3 thank GOD my only real objection is the obnoxious cyberpunks/ “the mods”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 280: I Am Red Riot

Previously on BnHA: The pro heroes over at Gunga Mountain struggled against Gigantomachia and the League until finally Midnight was all, “fuck it, let’s just put the kids in charge.” Momo immediately got to work organizing a sophisticated counteroffensive involving an exploding swamp, a bunch of sedative cans, and a massive coordinated team attack. I gotta tell you guys, it’s really something to watch a large-scale group attack in which all of the team members are actually competent. I don’t know what Japan put in the water when all these sixteen-year-olds were growing up, but that shit has paid off big time, and basically the only reason Machia hasn’t gone down yet is because he cheated and was all “sneeze” and the kids all got blown away because they are little and because he is really, really big. Anyway so then Dabi set the forest on fire because he loves doing that, and the chapter ended with Mina using her Acid Man attack to make herself FUCKIN’ FIREPROOF so she could charge through the woods ready to save the day and stuff!

Today on BnHA: Mina launches herself straight at Machia like the beautiful corrosive wild child she is, but then everything goes to shit when she recognizes him from that one time she almost got murdered while giving a strange man directions. Just when it’s looking like she might get killed for real this time, KIRISHIMA SHOWS UP TO SAVE THE DAY AND SHOVES HER TO SAFETY AND IS ALL “BOTTOMS UP” AND HEAVES A LITERAL CAN OF WHOOPASS RIGHT IN MACHIA’S MOUTH. At this point the grown-ups are all “oh wow look at that, time for us to take over for you kids now, don’t worry we’ve got it all under control” because Oh Those Wacky Pros and all that, but at least Majestic finally deigns to show his face so that’s a plus! The chapter ends with us cutting back to the Jakku battle, where Tomura is curled up in a little ball all “curse you heroes, how dare you [checks notes] save people all the time”, which is a real take and a half. Anyway so things are looking up, which can only mean everyone is about to die. That’s how it works, right. Shit.

HOLY SHIT LOL

THIS IS MINA. SHE’S REALLY COOL AND SHE CAN MELT PEOPLE. um, the hell kind of tagline is that?? holy fucking shit?? “melt and succumb”?? IS THE SUCCUMB PART REALLY NECESSARY. IS THAT NOT ALREADY IMPLIED. it’s like saying “die and then perish”, which actually sounds really badass and I’m about to make it my new go-to threat actually so you know what never mind. where the fuck were we anyway

“IS EVERYONE SAFE” some absurdly bad-at-gauging-situations kid from class B is yelling while the forest is on fire and all the kids are recovering from having been catapulted fifty miles by King Dodongo’s windy yeet breath. of course they are safe, sweet child. of course everyone is absolutely fine, why the fuck would they possibly not be safe after something like that

KAMINARI NOOO MY POOR SWEET BABY

AT LEAST HE’S STILL CONSCIOUS ENOUGH TO MAKE STUPID JOKES. holy shit this baby got concussed to hell and back and then Machia turned him and the others into precipitation and he wasn’t in any kind of state to even try to land safely, I hope to god someone caught him

Sero is all “is there anyone still in range!” and damn, I like that he’s taking charge and trying to regain their momentum. he is so criminally underrated. I feel like he’s in the top six or seven of class 1-A kids who I would most trust to take charge. which is very high praise because that class has a lot of charge-taking kids

SPEAKING OF

it “probably” can’t get through her acid, she says. my god. sometimes the spirit of Plus Ultra just takes ahold of these kids and it’s like, I want to ruffle their hair proudly and then grab them by the shoulders and shake them vigorously because WHERE EVEN IS YOUR SELF-PRESERVATION WHY DO NONE OF YOU HAVE IT GODDAMMIT AIZAWA REALLY SHOULD HAVE EXPELLED YOU GUYS AFTER ALL

man. and yet I really do love this “be the one who can do it” stuff. what a heroic fucking attitude dfjfklks. I’ll just go put on my humongous sandwich board that reads GIANT FUCKING HYPOCRITE and go stand in the corner

damn it this week’s scan is annoyingly dark, it’s really hard to tell what’s going on but it looks like the pros are attacking Machia and the League at long last. way to go guys it only took you seven years but you finally hopped to it

MINA WHY IS THE ACID COMING OFF OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. PUT IT BACK!!!

I KNOW SHE’S NOT GONNA DIE DAMMIT BUT AHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH

okay what the hell is up with these weird zen proverbs though

“your fear stricken heart”, “the shortest path”, what the fuck even is this. whose thoughts are these. normally these translations are honestly decent enough but I gotta say this time around I’m totally being thrown for a loop lmao

(ETA: FYI I’m only just now realizing that he was saying the shortest path to Master, as in Tomura, not “master” as in to master something fjkldjskf lol some delayed reading comprehension there. so basically he’s just bitching about how annoying these little “flies” are proving to be.)

JESUS CHRIST

okay is it just me, or is Gigantomachia suddenly showing intelligence in his eyes instead of mindless animal instinct the single most pants-shitting thing you’ve ever seen?!! holy shit. the way he just LOOKS at her out of nowhere all of a sudden?? holy fucking shit DO NOT HURT MT. LADY OH MY GOD I’M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. AND DON’T YOU DARE HURT MINA EITHER!! JUST FUCKING DIE AND PERISH

but also though, is that recognition in Mina’s eyes?? because even though this dude is 80 feet tall now, her encounter with him a couple years back had to have been one of the more memorable experiences of her young life. damn I was wondering when this would finally come into play

OKAY YES THE NEXT PAGE IS A FLASHBACK OH SHIT

this has nothing to do with anything but Mina just has the prettiest hair, btw, and this “just woke up covered in acid” look is a particularly good one on her. it looks so soft and fluffy, like damn. this is like Shouto-hair-billowing-in-the-wind levels of pretty here

NOOOOO

oh my god holy shit?! putting her back in the school uniform to show the slip in her mentality is a PUNK MOVE, HORIKOSHI, and I respect the shit out of you for it you manipulative bastard. goddammit. bracing myself for the incoming wave of Mina feels... here they come... they’re a lot... let’s see if I can latch on to anything I can actually figure out how to describe in words

okay well here’s one, my respect for Mina’s bravery just went up like a thousand percent in this instant, because now we know this was actually such a traumatizing event for her that hearing Machia’s voice again years later immediately sent her into a full-blown flashback. she was that scared and yet she still stood up to him and didn’t hesitate. and now I’m remembering how her knees just buckled right afterwards, and just...

and this visual, though!! what a brutally effective way to show that in her mind she went right back to being that scared middle schooler again for a moment. god fucking damn. holy shit you guys is Kirishima fireproof because if he comes waltzing out of the woods next I don’t even know what I’m gonna do. lolo kids getting traumatized left and right this arc is fucking merciless

um eXCUSE ME!?!?!

YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT LET GO OF HER RIGHT NOW OR I AM GONNA LOSE IT!!

THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!

holy shit he could have fucking snapped her neck like that??! I don’t like this at ALL WHAT THE FUCK

OKAY SERIOUSLY

I’M GONNA NEED ANOTHER KID TO STEP IN HERE WITH A LAST MINUTE SAVE LIKE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, OR I AM GOING TO THROW MY COMPUTER OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND MOVE TO THE DESERT AND BECOME A HERMIT AND NEVER READ MANGA ON THE INTERNET AGAIN

OH THANK GOD

TODAY WE SPELL “REDEMPTION” K-I-R-I... ETC. THERE’S A LOT OF LETTERS BUT YOU GET THE DRIFT!!!

holy fucking shit y’all. I mean, it’s not like it came out of nowhere, like the setup could not have been more obvious, but let me assure you that none of the predictability lessened the actual impact of this moment in the SLIGHTEST. Horikoshi really wrote a flashback scene one hundred and thirty five chapters ago and planted it, watered it once a day, and patiently waited for THREE LONG YEARS until he could finally harvest the badass fruits of his labor in the midst of his most epic arc to date. I’m so fucking hyped I’ll even forgive him for sacrificing Mina’s big moment and having her get rescued, because it’s such a good reversal. he didn’t freeze up this time. he promised himself he’d never freeze again and he didn’t and he saved her and god fucking damn. anyways so now Machia is going to treat him like a fucking action figure though but he’s a solid little dude he can take it hopefully

NO WHAT IS THIS!!! STOP KILLING MY MOOD!!!

she better not be dead!! SHE BETTER NOT FUCKING BE DEAD I WILL RUN MY PC THROUGH A PAPER SHREDDER AND GO AND LIVE ALONE WITH MY FEELS ON A MOUNTAIN IN TIBET

CHINTETSU!!

well we know he’s fireproof. another callback at the least expected of times lmao

so Tetsu’s all “yeah Kirishima’s not really all that fireproof but he totally ran over here anyway to save you. oh wait that probably wasn’t very comforting of me to say.” maybe that’s why it seems like he might not have actually said it out loud, now that I’m reading this over again. good call Tetsu

ARE YOU STANDING UP AND CASUALLY STRETCHING OUT YOUR BACK

I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE HOW MUCH I HATE THIS GUY RIGHT NOW. WE’RE REACHING LEVELS OF HATRED RESERVED FOR NAZIS AND PEOPLE WHO WALK TOO SLOWLY IN FRONT OF ME IN A GROUP SHOULDER TO SHOULDER INSTEAD OF SINGLE FILE SO I CAN PASS IN FRONT OF THEM. YOU’RE A FUCKING TOURIST IN NYC YOU PIECE OF SHIT

lmao he’s just dropping this random hero person and letting him fall to his doom wheeeeee

remind me to leave all of the League of Villains’ texts on read for the foreseeable future. goddamn. I still love you guys but also, fuck you so damn hard

OHO A LIL RED SCALY BOI ISN’T DONE YET!!

real talk, just between you and me, I’ll lower my voice so that Kirishima can’t hear. so uh. we all agree that even if Kiri is fireproof and squishproof, that little can of tranquilizer juice technically shouldn’t have been, right? but we’re all going to hush and pretend like it was anyway for the sake of not spoiling his big moment. even though I am crossing my arms and tapping my chin with my finger while doubtfully glancing to the side

anyway here he goes!

YEAH KIRI GO GETTIM [stage whisper] there it is, in his pocket. should’ve burned. we won’t discuss it

OH FOR FUCK’S

TOGA YOU LITTLE WIENER BUT WHAT’S THIS ABOUT “MY HALF” NOW????

DID HE GRAB MINA’S MID-AIR?? IS HE REALLY REACHING INTO HIS BACK POCKET AND FUCKING UNZIPPING IT RIGHT NOW WHILE HOLDING ON TO NOTHING AND PRESUMABLY FALLING THROUGH THE AIR. DID A LITTLE BIT OF OCHAKO’S QUIRK RUB OFF ON YOU OR WHAT

OH SNAP SON HE REALLY DID THE THING HOLY SHIT???

AND TOKAGE FLEW OVER AND SAVED HIM AND NOW TANKS ARE SHOOTING AT MACHIA, LMAO WHAT IS THIS. MOMO HOW MANY GUNS DID YOU MAKE

Shouji standing there trying to be useful any way he can. are eyeballs really that much more effective if you make them the size of tennis balls and hold them up above your head. legit question, I don’t really know how eyes work

okay after 45 seconds of googling this my impression is that no, they are not. well good on you for giving it the old college try anyway though Shouji

oH MY GODLKDLK?!?!

DID SHE SAY WHAT I THOUGHT SHE SAID, DID SHE SAY MAJESTIC, ARE WE GONNA SEE MASJKESLTKCI DSFLKJL

oh my god he really is the Magic Man dude??? TIME TO DUST OFF MY INVENTORY OF ADVENTURE TIME QUOTES

(ETA: AHH FATGUM AND GANG ORCA ARE THERE TOO YESSSS!)

“that’s enough depending on some interns” oh, okay. now that they’ve done all your work for you. I see, I see

so now Gigantomachia is LITERALLY UNHINGING HIS JAW I can’t fucking believe this dude you guys. everything he does is just like, ARE YOU SERIOUS

please go to sleep already. thanks to you I have my keyboard set to capslock as the default for the duration of this chapter

ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU FUCKING WAITED UNTIL MAGIC FUCKING MAN SHOWED UP TO TEACH US MAGICAL LIFE LESSONS AND NOW YOU’RE CUTTING BACK TO THE TOMURA FIGHT?? WHY DO WE KEEP LETTING THIS MAN GET AWAY WITH THIS

oh my god you guys they really fucking did it

I guess that Howitzer slash fire punch combo really was that potent huh

anyway so now Endeavor is standing there making a big speech instead of reaching into Tomura’s pocket and taking the bullets that he doesn’t know about and shooting him with one asap. dammit Endeavor

aaaaand Tomura is firing back with the wisdom of Shimura Fucking Kotaro of all people

well you sure convinced me. damn I don’t know what I was thinking. heroes suck you guys. how dare they help other people all the time

so now he’s all “PERIOD, EXCLAMATION POINT!!”

take that Endeavor. you heard the man. it’s not destruction without conviction, as god as his witness he will have you know it is destruction WITH conviction. something something the great sage Shimura “I hurt my family for absolutely no reason at all, fuck this ‘helping others’ bullshit” Kotaro. I hope you packed your textbooks because you just got SCHOOLED. I hope the person who ordered you signed up for delivery notifications because you just got SENT. I HOPE YOU LIKE CAPITALISM BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT OWNED. I HOPE YOU CHOSE PAPER AND NOT SCISSORS BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT ROCKED

what an absolutely, unreservedly bizarre place to end the chapter lol. we’re really just done with this week, just like that. Majestic showed up and Gigantomachia opened his chin like a garage door and Tomura is all “you may have won the battle but you suck” while he buys time for Aizawa to suddenly sneeze or something so he can make his terrible comeback and continue Horikoshi’s Traumatize Every Kid in Class 1-A 2020 campaign. what an arc this is my friends. what an arc

[bemey]

[found this in my drafts] Skwisgaar, Toki, and Murderface in Tamriel

combining my hyperfixations let's gooooooooooooooooo

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

it's very obvious that as a Swede, his race in a fantasy universe would be that fantasy universe's version of our world's ye olde Scandinavians (aka, he'd be a Nord, duh) BUT i like to think if you gave him a pair of fake elf ears matching his skintone, he'd pass as just a really pale Altmer

he's beautiful, tall, slender, arrogant and talented, im sure he'd fit right in with either group, maybe even less so with Nords since Nord society values brute strength and high tolerance for alcohol, of which Skwisgaar has neither (I know he beat up that one guy with his guitar once BUT!!! he's absolutely the least violent fifth of Dethklok)

as a non-metal-musician in Tamriel im sure he'd have mastered a magic school instead of electric guitar, but i can't really figure out *which* school, *maybe* enchanting, *maybe* mysticism, but if i had to pick i'd settle on one of the schools governed by Willpower (alteration, destruction and restoration) because, let's be real, he's more dedicated (to his life passion) than he is intelligent >_>;;

the thing is, i'd make an argument that epic guitar solos heal people (not physically), so that'd be restoration, BUT if he was in a party of sorts I can't really imagine him as just a healer on the sidelines (that's Toki and Mface's thing hehehe), he needs something, hm...... Flashier. like fireball spells, but then again he's not really violent on the show and doesnt get into many fights (unlike SOMMMEEE people), so i'd say both Destruction and Restoration

BUT there's also Illusion magic, with which you seduce, make yourself shiny, paralyse, calm people etc and i cant think of a better analogy for guitar playing that stuns you and puts you into a trance because it's just so good

(also FYI nord males get a penalty in willpower and personality but i suppose he overcomes that, because i have trouble imagining him not heavily using skills governed by those stats)

and for the class- im forcing myself to pick from the set of 21 standard classes and looking at (this page) for reference because if i took custom classes into account it'd really complicate things-

an obvious answer'd be Bard, which makes sense because, you know, being popular and attractive, but in a gameplay sense it's more stealth and less magic (also if we picked bard just because he's a musician in the MTL universe, all other DK members would be bards too and that's pretty lame)

looking at the page i linked, the ''Healer'' class fits the bill, governing personality, willpower, destruction, restoration, speechcraft, and illusion. i wont lie, it doesnt sound the coolest (compare to a class desc like Nightblade, now that shit's awesome), but it makes the most sense to me

TL;DR nord by blood BUT looks and acts like a high elf, class: healer

------------------------------------------------

Toki Wartooth a nord as well but! i've met plenty of nord dudes in ES games who are really nice to me but kind of not too smart (think Thrud in Godsreach in Mornhould the city that came with Tribunal the DLC for TES3 Morrowind), and im not saying Toki isn't smart (he's educated enough, has geeky interests, knows a thing or two about model-plane building, i think he might be one of the smarter DK members actually) but a nearly-fatal flaw is his naivety which would unfortunately translate into a low intelligence or maybe personality stat in a TES game

when you have a low personality stat, NPCs dont like you as much, and (in Morrowind) whatever options you pick while Persuading an NPC are less effective, even taunt and intimidate)

but i wanna argue in the case of Toki in Tamriel, that low personality stat wouldn't come in the form of being an intimidating douchebag, because we all know Toki's really, really nice, and he has his moments of being a jerk on the show, but he's mostly kind and polite, especially to strangers, and *definitely* holds the title of ''Dethklok member most likely to agree to an autograph and selfie with a fan after a concert and then give them a friendly hug''

it's difficult for me to decide which attributes he'd govern, and a lowered luck isn't possible at character creation, but i'd lower it if possible

high strength, yes, i can imagine Toki with either a blunt or blade

high willpower, competent with restoration and destruction like Skwisgaar, but not as dedicated to the mastery, duh

high endurance- knowing the shit he's been through, might be pretty high

(''cheats death'' and ''unpredictable'' are both keywords i'd describe Toki by)

i have my eyes on either Crusader or Spellsword BUT I thought the class description for Scout fit Toki just perfect and I even made a little joke about it to my friend once

TL;DR nord spellsword or crusader, but i'd pick spellsword if i was forced to choose

------------------------------------------------

William Murderface

ive been so exicted to get to this one because, hear me out- khaijit pilgrim

Murderface's spirit animal is a dang tiger, man, and now it's true Murderface isn't very athletic or agile like a khaijit BUT listen, in Oblivion Khaijit get a daily power that let's them intimidate opponents because they're like, big cats, literally, like a tiger or lion and wouldn't you run if you saw one IRL? AND Murderface isnt very popular with fans, which I'd imagine would translate into low personality maybe, but Mface is dare i say pretty dang skilled at making people hate him or hate others or get into fights, aka using a high personality stat for bad (taunt/intimidate) not good (admire), which is why I instantly thought he'd be a Pilgrim (''They profit in life by bartering in the market, or by persuading the weak-minded.'')

look me in the eye and tell me lockpicking, sneaking and punching people arent things Murderface would love to do, also scamming merchants and stabbing people, and khaijit conveniently get a small bonus in Blade and you know who loves knives? M u r d e r f a c e

inappropiately urinating in places? cat. face like an inbred white tiger? cat. sneaky jerk? cat. also i just really want him to be a catboy, man

i did think of him as an Orc too because of the whole martial culture and being a race that was cursed with 'ugliness' (not always true, some orcs are pretty hot), *but* the martial culture orcs have isnt really the barfight kind nords or dunmer have, it's more organised and honourable is it not? they take fighting seriously

would you say Murderface'd rather practice like blunt weaponry all night and day, then go to war and die for his clan, *or* would he sneak in a tavern, steal shit, insult someone, then get into a bar fight? that's what i thought !!!!

fuckin obviously you cant appoint the latter to khaijit because that'd be racist and im not a huge fan of discrimination against beastfolk myself, an orc could be a thief too, but have a look at this:

(for orcs), and the minuses in intelligence is mostly what makes me think Murderface wouldnt be an orc because he's pretty smart

smart as in street-smart and smart with people, specifically at what makes people mad or do ugly things, and thats something I have to hand to Willy, he's cunning even if not always sucessful in that endeavor because of his bad luck and unattractiveness, but in terms of raw people-skills he's not so bad

and for his class- I know i said pilgrim earlier but i wanna consider some alternatives: rogue or thief

''a tongue as sharp as a blade'', and ''profits from the losses of others''? both Murderfacecore, but I might wanna stick with Pilgrim just because they're history nerds

TL;DR Khaijit pilgrim

------------------------------------------------

(this was an old wip i found in my drafts so i havent written Pickles's or Nathan's parts yet >_> sorry, i do have the ideas ready in my head though) (also feel free to share your opinions)

[babyybitchhh]

Thotty Thursday: Part 2

The second installment of Thotty Thursday is upon us. Rejoice, heathens!

Now, let me just say that I’m picking dudes at random while trying to keep things balanced between old shows and new ones but ... y’all really bout to notice some patterns the more we do this so I’m just gonna wait for someone to call me out tbh. 😰

FYI, I like to think of myself as an equal opportunist thirster and if a dude is hot then he’s hot. I’m not one to question this shit. But when you get right down to it I have like four types: high IQ smarty pants, dummy thicc, dad and bad boy bastard. Our next snack belongs in the last category, without question.

He’s honestly prettier than me and that is not an exaggeration but don’t let his good looks fool you

This Arabian Nights styled dime piece has a mean streak a mile wide. Because of Reasons, ofc, but that don’t change the facts

Not only did he once punch a child in the face for no other reason than to assert his dominance (fact) he also pretended to cry in front of the person he hates most just to laugh about how they fell for his (flawlessly executed) act

He honestly may or may not have a few screws loose but that’s part of the appeal, you see. It adds a dash of spice to the meal

And you know what they say about crazy bitches in bed 😏

Full disclosure, I started reading Magi: Labyrinth of Magic before the anime aired and his name was originally translated as Judal so that’s what he’s always going to be in my mind. The official translation is Judar, and I respect that, but at the end of the day I do not know her

Judar who?

Can I also just take a moment to point out that gloriously long, thick braid he’s sporting tho

This man has hair for days and there’s just something I find incredibly attractive about that

I want to take it all down and carefully comb through it, play with it and style it again 

Really show him the attention he deserves

If he decided to suffocate me with it, well, I guess I wouldn’t complain about that either

Now, the setting alone had my interest PIQUED right out the gate because I love Middle Eastern inspired aesthetics and I truly don’t think it’s utilized as a setting half as much as it deserves to be. It’s very beautiful imo and the anime team did a pretty good job of capturing that vibe but if I’m being honest I think the manga was better (up to a point)

However there ain’t nothing quite like seeing your man move on screen or hearing his voice with your own two ears and when I say Judal put on a show each time he showed up ... 🥵

I think I can safely say my pussy clenched whenever I got so much as a whiff of him possibly making an appearance, PHEW

He’s just so pretty and mean

My favorite combo tbh

“But why do you like mean boys so much 🤔?” You ponder aloud and my answer to that is “I don’t know. I just do.”

Judal gets my kitty purring for a variety of reasons but the biggest is probably that I can’t look at him without imagining myself as his feisty little slave girl, wearing nothing but sheer silk and delicate gold chains, completely at his mercy ...

Oops, did I say that out loud? 😳

I mean, can you really blame me when he’s running around in those baggy harem pants though?? Can you really???

So the first thing you probably thought was: damn. This guy kinda dressed like a thot 👀

And you’re not wrong

Does he HAVE to dress like that? Strictly speaking, no. But I am definitely not complaining about his fashion choices

His titties are so close to popping out of that tiny little shirt that we’d be getting nip slips left, right and center if he had any more meat on his bones than that and trust me when I say he did that shit on purpose

This boy is SUCH a fucking tease and he loves the attention it gets him - first and foremost because he’s used to being the CENTER of attention but we’ll get more into that a little bit later

Hes just a tad 👌 narcissistic, loves to show off, definitely bipolar and is in a constant state of feeling himself so he’s hitting all his marks as far as I’m concerned

In short, he’s perpetually oozing big dick fuck boy energy and I live for it

That’s why he’s always showing up with that stank ass attitude, he knows damn well he can pull the baddest bitch around AND her man too

He’d fuck you and your boyfriend at the same time just to prove a point, that’s actually how petty he is

Honestly though I’d like to see ANYbody maintain their resolve when he’s laying on the charm and Judal’s just cruel enough to do it for shits and giggles

Probably wakes up in the middle of his sprawling imperial bed at two in the afternoon and says something like “damn, I need a little pick me up today” and then proceeds to manipulate and harass his lucky unfortunate victim of choice

He’s relentless too and will stop at absolutely nothing to get what he wants, even if that means breaking you in the process

Again, I like the challenge he represents

But also I just like a man who can make me cry 🤷‍♀️

And I don’t doubt he absolutely would. Tears probably turn him on tbh and I’m positive he’s got a bit of a yandere streak too

Are y’all seeing those patterns yet??

So did you guys notice that wand he keeps twirling around like a goddamn baton?

He’s a magic user, or in this case a magi which means he’s literally at the top of the food chain in this universe

He’s special special

Every ounce of confidence he has is rightfully deserved and even tho he’s not the strongest per say, he IS extremely powerful and his destiny as a magi is to influence the world

THE WHOLE ASS WORLD YA’LL

That’s why he’s got such a big fucking ego

I promise these aren’t major spoilers, so you don’t have to worry about that

When he was still a (too precious for words) child, he was abducted by an evil cult so that they could manipulate him and use his powers to influence shit in a bad way. The exact details of what they did to him are hazy, but based on the snippets we did get it seems like they basically put Judal on a pedestal and raised him as if he were some kind of god or a king

I’m talking waiting on him hand and foot, giving him whatever he wanted, essentially worshiping him and using persuasive mind control magic to convince him that he’s the best thing to happen since sliced bread

And it worked

Can you tell exactly how fucked up this kid is right now

Keep in mind here that I’m not saying his screwed up personality isn’t the result of some seriously bad mojo

Magi are supposed to be what tips the scales of fate in this setting which, generally, means for the betterment of the world and this whack ass cult pointedly steered him down a path he otherwise would not have gone

But it’s this tragic past of his that really brings the whole package together

He could be a mean pretty boy for no other reason than because he wants to and I’d still drop into a split on his cock

I like mean for the sake of mean too

It’s just that knowing what made him the way he is gives us the perfect amount of insight to truly feel sympathetic despite all the bad shit he has done and will continue to do

Personally, it makes me want to be the one to show him genuine, tender affection no matter how much he’s initially appalled by the mere suggestion so in a lot of ways it’s similar to how I feel towards Hiei

But that doesn’t mean I want him to change and start being n - 🤢 start being nice - 🤮

He’s perfect just the way he is and there’s just something about big, confident egos that gets me going like little else

And Judal seems to truly believe he’s the greatest gift the world has ever received and he’s not wrong about that imo so yeah he definitely has an attitude problem

But that also means he’s a spoiled brat tho and he’s definitely one of those dudes who needs to be dommed on occasion to really get the full experience 👀

I am not too shy to pin him down and milk his cock for all it’s worth, that is all I’m saying fam

And can I just point out how breathtakingly gorgeous he’d look all flushed and sweaty, whimpering like a needy little bitch in heat while having his prostate relentlessly teased for hours on end?

Goodness, it suddenly got HOT in here, is that just me??? 💦

Ofc the only way that’s gonna happen is if he allows it - which I don’t see being a common occurrence - but that’s why you gotta take advantage of that shit when it does 👀

On the topic of Judal being spoiled, I want to mention that there are actually TWO very different backdrops that I can thot around with him in, and I like that

There’s the fantasy Middle East setting ofc which I personally can’t get enough of

I’m wearing the slave girl Leiah outfit in my mind right now btw

But he also spends a lot of time in this worlds version of ancient China complete with all the dramatic robes and elegant architecture to really set the mood

He has an entire imperial palace on lock and if that doesn’t get you even a little bit horny then idk what to tell you

The royal family for the most part treats him like one of their own despite not being related in any way, if that tells you exactly how much clout he pulls in this setting, and even tho they’re essentially using him for their own gain Judal doesn’t seem to mind it one bit

He likes being at the top and having the freedom to do whatever he wants so if that means doing a little dirty work for the Kou Empire then so be it

And I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be a ride or die on these little errands

Like, just imagine this pretty boy pulling up to you on his flying carpet (that’s not a joke or something I just pulled out of my ass btw) and asking if you want to come back to his crib for some fun

You say yes, because you might be a thirsty slut but you’re certainly not STUPID

And he straight up takes you to a fucking palace

Be honest with me guys, how fast do the panties come off tho?

Be real with me here

This is actually just the plot of Aladdin but with the gender roles reversed 🤣

Fr fr though, A Whole New World plays softly in the back of my mind every time I think about this dude, except it’s much darker and ... explicit 😏

But my point here is that Judal’s got basically everything he could ever possibly want so he really just needs a pretty little concubine at his side to complete the picture

And I dead ass feel like it should be ME

When I say this man could get it ....

OOF

He is TROUBLE in its purest form and I regret nothing about my choice in fictional men

Absolutely nothing

He could honestly fuck me up seven ways to Sunday and I’d thank him for the honor

Spit on me, king. Please. I don’t need nothing else to sustain me

Unless you want to throw some of that choice dick in for free? 👀

Lord  have MERCY

[suf-lives-rent-free]

Fragments

Everything below is just my opinion; I am in no way trying to say that how I feel about this is the one correct take or whatever.

I know a lot of people like this episode and what happens in it, but I don’t.  I totally understand that some people just don’t want to see any negativity, period, but negativity is not inherently bad or wrong.

Negative opinions, even about something you enjoy, can be valid too - regardless of whether you happen to agree with them or not.

Also I get very salty near the end of this, and that might be entertaining to people who stan this episode?

I am aware that a lot of people – the majority, I’m pretty sure – think that the episode is a masterpiece. And on some level, I see where they’re coming from with that assessment.

The episode is boarded beautifully, the backgrounds – especially during the training montage – are stunning as always.  The music is fantastic, and the performances are great too.  In these respects, Fragments is a stand-out episode; I agree.

(Like look at this.  Gorgeous.)

However, something that’s bothered me since I saw the episode is the writers’ decision to write it into the story that Steven shatters Jasper.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: I just don’t get it.  I’m purposefully misinterpreting the story to say it’s bad.  Steven brings her back to life; and it’s not like he meant to do it in the first place.  I just don’t have the capacity to understand the sublime nature of the show’s storytelling.  I’m an SU crit and all I want to do is make the real fans feel about themselves for liking it.

Uhhhh... no.  Nah.  That ain’t it chief.

It’s true; I am not a writer.  I’m just a passive consumer of media.  However, I do not agree with the viewpoint that in order to properly understand or critique a thing you need to have the expertise and/or experience in order to make something similar.

For example, if I were to put something I drew when I was 10 years old next to something I drew yesterday, it shouldn’t take a person who has had an education in fine art to tell you that the latter drawing is better-looking than the former.

That’s how I approach media consumption and criticism; when I criticise a writing decision, I am doing so as a consumer.  I’m not saying I could write it better, or even that my opinion is objectively correct and the writer is wrong or bad.  I’m just saying that I didn’t like a thing.  Which, I would hope, is allowed?

Okay, defensive hedging over, back to the point; I don’t like that they had Steven shatter Jasper.

[I get markedly saltier from this point on, fyi]

Full admission of bias here: one of the things I really cherish about the original show is how they wrote Steven’s character; he’s a boy with interests that don’t rigidly conform to gender stereotypes.  He likes ‘boyish’ things and ‘girly’ things, and that’s okay; thats just him.  In cartoons when I was growing up, characters like Steven would be the butt of jokes about being ‘girly’ or thinly-veiled homophobia.  I find him very relatable, and I want to acknowledge that yes, that is probably a significant part of why I have such an issue with this episode’s twist.

I am not trying to say that he’s a perfect baby angel or whatever; Steven regularly gets frustrated and angry. He does some pretty manipulative and dickish things to people around him (stop trying to make Larsadie happen, Steven. It’s not going to happen).  He is a flawed character who fucks up sometimes. And he’s not 100% peaceful either; he acts violently when he defends himself against corrupted Gems and Homeworld Gems (and Crystal Gems on occasion *cough*Bismuth*cough*).  

However, he has a pacifistic temperament; whenever it’s possible, he prefers that problems be solved without needless violence or hurt.  And I like that; in most media, it’s rare to have a male protagonist who wants to solve their problems without jumping straight to punching things.

When he accidentally frees Centipeedle, he convinces the Gems to step off and allow him to try and rehabilitate her peacefully; he even notices that the Gems’ weapons are a trigger for her, and make them put them away.  He frees Lapis against the Gems’ wishes because he recognizes that keeping her prisoner is wrong, and when she steals the ocean, he talks it out and heals her so she can leave Earth peacefully.

He tries to aid Jasper when she starts corrupting, fixes Eyeball’s gemstone when she’s cracked and tries talking Bismuth down when she attacks him with the breaking point.  In all of these situations, his words and help are ignored or rejected; he’s forced to resort to violence.  And it traumatises him.  

We get an entire episode dedicated to the fact that he’s been struggling with processing these awful things that happened.

Even in Future, Steven shows hesitation about engaging in unncecessary violence; he gives into Jasper’s goading for a fight after what’s implied to be dozens of failed tries at making her come to Little Homeschool, and he spends an entire episode trying to keep Lapis from squashing the two rogue Lapis Lazulis. 

The only time he hops into a fight willingly is after Eyeball and Aquamarine hold Greg hostage, and even then they pose a clear threat to his and Greg’s safety and have made it clear that they want to hurt him emotionally and physically.  Even at that, he stops and switches tactics to talking them down as soon as they lose their focus and start bickering with each other.

(I mean, he fails.  But it’s the thought that counts.)

I personally find it really jarring that the writers found it appropriate to write it into the series that this same character – over the course of three (3) days – goes from disliking mindless violence for mindless violence’s sake to happily engaging in the destruction of plants and animals* and has done a total 180 on his willingness to spar with Jasper, to the point that he instigates their rematch.

*(You best believe plenty of small mammals and birds – y’know, like the nest Steven saved in the first episode – died as he and Jasper felled tree after tree, not to mention all of those displaced by the destruction of their habitats, and the potential loss of food sources from some of those trees.)

You’re telling me that it’s a reasonable character beat for this boy to gleefully laugh like an anime supervillain at his sudden new-found joy in fighting, then pin Jasper in place, taunt her for helping him get so strong, and hit her so hard that she breaks into pieces and dies?

You’re telling me that that’s an in-character thing for Steven Quartz Diamond Cutie-Pie DeMayo Universe do to another character?

(And yes I am purposefully dancing around talking about the mental health stuff because if I did that I’d have to go on a whole other tangent about Growing Pains and fuck I just don’t feel like it right now lmao)

Going back to Mindful Education, another big thing we see Steven struggle with is the idea that his mother shattered Pink Diamond.  This knowledge sits heavily with him; it makes him sympathetic to the Diamonds, even under the circumstances in which he sees them (escaping from the Human Zoo, and being on trial for said murder). 

He sees their grief, and he feels awful.  He questions who Rose Quartz even was.  He knows, based on what Garnet said, that Rose had to do it; there was no other way to free Earth.  But he still feels awful seeing the pain that Pink’s loss has caused Blue and Yellow Diamond.

In Steven Universe, shattering is clearly equated with execution/death multiple times.  When Pearl and Garnet fret over the crack in Amethyst’s gemstone worsening.  When Blue Diamond threatens to break Ruby.  When Bismuth introduces the breaking point, and Steven recoils at the sight of what it does.  If you want to take the fact that Gem shards are sentient and desperate to become whole again into account, you could even argue that it’s a fate worse than death. This particular act of violence is treated very, very seriously.

When we find out that Rose shattered Pink Diamond, there is a season and a half long arc unpacking the implications and consequences of this one action, and how this knowledge forever alters Steven’s mental image of his mother.  And she didn’t even kill anyone.  It was a lie!

In Steven Universe Future, Steven shatters Jasper 4 episodes before the end of the series.  And it’s only brought up twice; once for a big *gasp* moment during his breakdown in Everything’s Fine, and in I Am My Monster by Pearl, when she has to fill-in Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot.  Notably, it is never discussed around or by Jasper.  Y’know.  The person who actually died.

No indication of how (or even if) what Steven did is affecting his own self-image after his initial breakdown, how Jasper feels about what she went through beyond falling back into the Era 1 and 2 mindset.  No inkling of how the knowledge that Steven killed somebody has affected how anyone in his life thinks or feels about him; when Pearl brings it up in I Am My Monster, she seems to not even really believe it’s true.

If there are any consequences or talks about this incident, they’re skipped over between I Am My Monster and The Future, and we’re expected to assume that Steven and his therapist are dealing with it, I guess?

And yes.  It was an accident.  He did bring her back to life.  But it still happened.  If you hit someone over the head and they stop breathing, just because the paramedics are able to resusitate and stabilize them afterwards doesn’t mean you never hit them.

But here, it’s shoved aside because dwelling on it would take far too much time, and risks framing Steven in an unsympathetic way when he’s meant to be on the cusp of a breakdown.

It just feels like careless writing to me.  They really, really wanted their big action scene with Steven and Jasper, but didn’t think (or maybe weren’t interested in thinking) about the seriousness or consequences of what Steven shattering someone would entail.

In my opinion, Steven shattering Jasper is one of the cheapest, laziest things they could have ever done with his character (and hers, for that matter).  To me, the entire thing feels entirely out of character.  It’s pure shock value; nothing more.

So yeah.  That particular writing decision just does not work for me.  And if you disagree... well that’s fine?  It’s fine.  We can agree to disagree?  I’ve read a lot of defense/praise for this episode, and honestly even after processing all of those opinions and all the time my thoughts about this plotline have been stewing in my brain, I still feel the same way.

[warandpussy]

omg PLS talk more abt ur 12dole!

sure! link

fyi I barely remember writing this, all i remember is that it's super weird i suppose the point is it's about being lonely. i love s10 for the way it slows down, gives the doctor a home base, a time to breathe. but i also love how, with that, he has to deal with the demons in his head scrabbling at the door; he can't ignore them any more. like. his wife just died. so this fic was like, i want to explore that loneliness and that grief.

to be clear, it's also about the doctor getting off with a decapitated robot head.

i'll put this under a cut

The Doctor stares into the mirror on the wall.

It isn’t – it’s not something he likes to do. It’s uncomfortable, he thinks, to observe the evidence of a long life carved into a face. To confront the evidence of age and time passing, old regrets scoring delicate lines over the brow, the cheeks, beneath the eyes. He considers his reflection and swallows the lump in his throat.

It’s with a trembling hand that he reaches out to his glass counterpart, feeling that even a touch of his skin will send it shattering to the ground at his feet, that a press of his fingers against something that isn’t even him, not really, could break him apart. You’re lonely, you’re lonely, his brain cackles at him, and it sounds like –

In the end, it’s just cold, smooth. Nothing.

He runs his finger over the image of his lips, lets himself slip into memory, lets himself remember being touched there. Allows himself the indulgence of it. A wicked grin; a puff of curly hair; ‘hello, sweetie.’

so we start here. you ever been so lonely you just touch your own face to imagine someone else doing it? yeah. i guess the doctor feels like someone who never really gets to process any of this a lot of the time, because one series will end with a tragedy, and then the next one will just pick up on the next adventure. but if your wife died, you got trapped in a university with a woman who hates (?) you and a bitchy robot, you'd probably have some issues.

i wanted to start it here, on his own, because that's the thing, really. he's alone. or he feels alone. and it's a bit dramatic and over the top because when you're miserable that's what you do. the world is falling apart. i'll be alone forever.

the next scene is him and Nardole, and it's like, a drastic shift in tone

“How’s the new head working out?”

“Oh.” Nardole reaches up a hand and pats at his ample cheek. “Quite well, actually, sir.” He strokes his neck a little, tracing a light finger underneath his collar where the seam in his skin is. “Much more efficient processing power.” He gives a little self-conscious cough. “I’ve been having new ideas every fifteen minutes or so.”

“Wonderful,” the Doctor tells him, picking up Rachael Simmerton’s essay on – faith and free will, apparently – and pretending to read the introduction. It’s not, of course. Heavens above, he doesn’t need Nardole having ideas. He’ll have to fix that in a later upgrade. “That’s – fab. Great to hear.”

none of the above is coming through. he's masking it, of course he is. the worst thing about being lonely is that you can't say you're lonely, otherwise people will know how lonely you are - and isn't that to most pitiable thing. no - best to.. uh.. snog a robot head, apparently.

i wish that was how it worked in real life

i really like this scene for the banter between him and Nardole. they're so awful together. I love them.

Nardole pushes himself up with his elbows and stomps over to the Doctor’s desk. He jabs a finger in his face. “Rude. That was rude.” The Doctor shrugs. “You’ve been in my room before, and it was fine.”

“There were pants on the floor.”

“I was in the shower!”

“Ugh.” The Doctor shudders again, deliberately meeting Nardole’s gaze as he does. “Don’t remind me.”

“It’s my room, I can leave my pants on the floor if I want to.”

“My spaceship,” the Doctor reminds him. “And I don’t make you pay rent.”

Nardole rolls his eyes. “Good thing, too, given you don’t pay me at all,” he says, and trundles irritably into the TARDIS.

So yeah, the Doctor gets Nardole to bring out one of his spare heads (it's a whole thing, there's a cupboard full of heads, they have some kind of shared memory drive, the old ones go a bit insane the longer they're detached from the body).

It’s a little disconcerting, having your cyborg assistant’s decapitated head on your desk, but at this point the Doctor has seen enough of Nardole’s body, given all the upgrades he’s had to do over the past seventy years, that it doesn’t faze him. He’ll end up seeing a lot more, most likely; they’ve still got over nine hundred years still to go. This doesn’t faze him either – certainly not as much as it would have done back when they’d first been stuck here, uncomfortable in their stillness, squabbling with each other just to pass the time.

The first time he’d had his hands in Nardole’s chest, sometime in the late nineties, tinkering with the artificial heart he’d had installed, Nardole had asked him why he even bothered.

“Can’t have my manservant dying on me, can I?” he’d muttered, irritated at the question.

“Oh, is that what I am?” Nardole had bitched.

Covering his face with his welder’s mask, the Doctor let out a snort. “If you shuffle off this mortal coil, Nardole, I’ll have to hire a new assistant. I can’t be bothered.”

“Let me be clear, you're giving me eternal life so that you don't have to hold job interviews?”

“Yes.”

Nardole had looked at him for a long time after that, uncharacteristically silent. When the Doctor was done, he’d grabbed his wrist and squeezed, before standing and making two cups of horrifically sweet tea. The Doctor had drunk the lot.

i was talking about this the other day with you. i guess i tend to think there's a real power in delay, in writing. when the real scene is going on, but then the characters trip into a memory. the Doctor's nervous about what he's going to do (and, in a doylist fashion, the reader doesn't KNOW what he's going to do) so by pausing the 'real' scene and tripping into this memory, we get to hold off on that reveal for a little longer

but we also get to explore the Nardole and Doctor dynamic. which is, here, one where they bitch and squabble with each other, but they still obviously deeply care for one another. #married.

Carefully, he probes behind the left ear for the on-switch, flipping it over with a slight press of his finger. It takes a moment, but the eyes flutter open and the mouth pulls itself up into a tiny smile. The smile drops off his face when he sees who’s holding him up.

“What do you want?” Nardole snipes.

he's such a bitch i'm obsessed with him

The Doctor sighs, and buries his face in his arms. “In the past, it was always – adventure, fun, heat-of-the-moment, explosions, running, kissing,” he mumbles. Nardole grunts at the acknowledgement of it. “Now,” the Doctor goes on, “now I just sit here.”

quarantine vibes.

no, but seriously, quarantine vibes. when i wrote this in february i was working the most gruelling, horrible job i've ever had in my life, and also i was in lockdown AGAIN and i couldn't fucking go anywhere or do anything fun. my whole life just became this awful job, that i did sat at my desk at home. i'd get off work, go lie in bed and cry, and then go back to work. now i just sit here indeed.

“Main Head said he was talking to you lot daily,” the Doctor says. He gives him a look.

Nardole puffs out his cheeks. “For a few minutes, sure. But it’s not like we get on.”

“You are exactly the same person,” the Doctor says, exasperated.

me @ me

(sorry this isn't going to just be all me laughing at my own jokes)

yeah. so they make out. there's like, negotiation on what Nardole (Spare Head One) is going to get out of this deal - he wants to go outside (mood) and he wants sweets and tea (bigger mood). he also doesn't want the Doctor to fall in love with him (uhhhh biggest mood??? i feel like if the Doctor falls in love with you you're doomed to a horrible ending).

“Guh,” Nardole says, and the Doctor pulls him off, lips tingling. Nardole’s face is red, which is interesting from a technical point of view – no blood, how does that work? – but the Doctor finds he doesn’t really care to think about it at the moment. He feels suffused with life; that empty cavity in his chest at least partially filled in, something present that had been missing.

The body is made to touch, after all.

for this i really need to insist on something. this is sci fi, nominally, but i DON'T CARE about the science. i really don't. why is Nardole's face red? how does he have spit? i don't care!!!!! i don't care about worldbuilding. i think, personally, for me, the "science" part of science fiction is just about finding a way to heighten a concept to reflect back something about the real world.

also i feel like it makes it more doctor who the less i give a shit about the science but that's by the by.

i guess this is like. THE scene. the scene of the fic. the point of it.

“I can’t believe you’re taking me with you to visit her,” Nardole says, scathing. They’re wandering through the grounds, as promised, the Doctor clinging onto the ears and holding out the head in front of him.

The Doctor snorts. “You’re not coming in with me.”

“What?”

He gestures at the sports bag he’s got slung over one shoulder. “I’ll chuck you in here.”

They walk past a clump of students who are chattering among themselves. They don’t even balk at him carrying an extremely lifelike head around with him. None of them have. Nardole had said it was because he was ‘super old’ and that young people don’t even notice he exists unless he’s looking frail and delicate next to a traffic light. The Doctor had frowned but hadn’t been able to dispute it.

Still, he makes Nardole hold his expression very still whenever they’re near other people. He’s got a whole story planned out in case he does get asked.

“Professor! Professor Doctor!” some enterprising young thing would say, jogging up. “What’s with the mannequin? It looks just like your assistant!”

“Ah,” the Doctor would say, stroking his chin like he had a goatee – he’d done that once in front of Missy and she’d told him he looked very refined, and offered tips for growing one – “you see, I’m planning a lecture series on death masks in Ancient Greek culture, so I’ve been experimenting with plaster casting.”

“Oh, how fascinating!” the student would say, fluttering their hands in front of their chest. “I’ll have to sign up!”

The Doctor would nod dismissively and stride away as if he had something important to go to. Nardole would almost certainly grumble about the Doctor saying he was dead, but he’d not have a leg to stand on – ha – because he was a robot and therefore had never even been alive. (Well – maybe he had… the Doctor didn’t really remember Nardole’s backstory – River had explained it once while they’d lain together in bed, but he’d zoned out, staring instead at the fine whorls of her ear).

Anyway, no one has asked yet, but he’s prepared if they do.

again - delay, so important here. the Doctor and Nardole (Spare Head One) are walking round and about the grounds on one of Nardole's requested walks. the Doctor is Not Doing Great, but he's trying to fake it. he gets triggered into a memory where Nardole calls him "super old", and then, almost as a defence to that, imagines a world where the students (who are ignoring him) all come fluttering up to him and admiring him in that way that he likes.

that's not happening.

It’s one of those cold spring mornings where the sun casts its light over the world in a glittering array, bouncing off dewdrops, shattering through windows. The air is sharp and bright, bracing the breath, probing his lungs with its chilled fingers. Everything teetering on the verge of too much. Too bright, too cold, cutting like a knife.

I'm really proud of this paragraph. I was trying to imagine how you would describe like, beautiful weather, on a day when you felt like shit. it's "glittering" "shattering" "sharp". it "probes him with chilled fingers" - it's invasive, harsh, awful. and it triggers another memory.

The last time he’d been out, alone, on a morning like this, the Doctor remembered, he’d embraced this muchness, let it fill him up, let it consume him. He’d thought it was the only way to feel touched again. Not by a person, but by the world. Then he’d berated himself; so pathetic, so maudlin. People don’t owe you their touch. It’s enough to have felt it at all. Enough to know.

Greedy, he’d thought. Insatiable. Selfish.

He falters by the sycamore tree, dropping Nardole lower. There’d been a cat here.

There had been a cat that had rubbed up by his legs, purring. He’d been so bright, so lonely. He had it picked up, holding it upside down so he could rub gently at the soft hot fur of its belly. It had let him, for a moment, lax in his arms, blinking, squinting up at the cold sun. Then, it had wriggled and squirmed, saying let me down, let me down, and he had thought, oh, not even you?

Not even you, he had thought as he set it down again, not even you want to touch me, and it had scurried off, heading to the cafeteria where the students likely would give it scraps of bacon sandwiches and drop pieces of cheese into its pleading mouth.

“Sir?” Nardole says quietly.

"not even you want to touch me"

like, that's the whole point - what he's been circling around this whole time. he came up with this crazy coping mechanism (snog a robot head, let's not forget his solution was to snog a robot head), but it doesn't fix the root cause which is that his wife is dead and his friend/enemy is locked up and he's lonely

anyway. they go to visit Missy (Nardole zipped up in a bag the whole time).

“What’s with the bag?” she asks. “Not seen that one before. You joined a basketball team?”

“Tried that once,” he tells her. “Got kicked out.”

“You thought it was netball, didn’t you?”

He huffs a breath through his nose, smiling again. “I thought it was netball,” he admits.

Missy purses her lips, eyeing the ceiling. “Makes sense,” she says. “It’s a net, and a ball. Honestly. I would understand it if they were chucking balls into baskets.”

“Football has a net too,” the Doctor says.

“And tennis.”

“I might just start calling every human sport ‘netball’ and see how angry they all get.”

Missy frowns. “I thought I was here to learn how to be nice to the wee humans.” She raises her eyebrows, tilts back in her chair. “You’re a bad example, you are.”

This is what they do now, this talking without really talking. Lots of words that say nothing at all.

he wants to connect with her so badly, but nothing they say has any meaning. they're just talking, blandly, about what's in front of them. they're there, together, but there's no connection. you can be lonely even when you're with other people

then Missy plays the piano for him (and there's NO duet, which as I'm sure you know, means that there is NO INTIMACY)

sex joke:

When the Doctor gets back to his office, Nardole is reclined in his favourite armchair, reading a saucy magazine. The Doctor peers over his shoulder.

‘HIS SECRET SEX SPOTS’, the article screams, ‘HOW TO PLEASE YOUR MAN IN THREE EASY STEPS’.

“Why are you reading that?” he asks before he can stop himself. Nardole looks up and fixes him with a look. “Actually don’t tell me.”

“I’ve got a boyfriend.”

The Doctor blinks. “What about Sharon?”

Nardole sighs loudly. “Haven’t you heard of polyamory?”

“Your spare head hasn’t told me about a boyfriend.”

“Oh!” Nardole says, narrowing his eyes. “Is that why you wanted him? To gossip about my comings and goings?”

“I definitely don’t want to know about your comings,” says the Doctor.

sorry i promised not to just laugh at my own jokes but honestly why else would i be here

they do this for a while. then Bill catches them.

“What are you doing?!” someone squawks.

Instinctively, the Doctor surges up and flings Nardole’s head clear across the room.

It’s Bill, standing in the doorframe, backlit by the light from the corridor. She’s looking at him, her face a picture of pure shock. Horrified. “Did you behead Nardole?”

oof. poor Bill, she goes through so much.

she drags Nardole to the office, and

He swings his feet back to the floor, turns to the two of them. Three of them. “You know,” he starts, “that I have been alone since my wife – left me.”

“Died,” Spare Head Nardole supplies.

Bill’s mouth drops open. “You’re married?”

Main Head Nardole elbows her. “He was.” He spins the photo of River on the Doctor’s desk around, making as if to grab it, and the Doctor is suddenly furiously, furiously angry. He slaps Nardole’s hand away.

“Do you mind!” he snaps, and clutches River’s picture close to his chest. His breaths are coming harsh and ragged, his throat tightening again. “I have been alone,” he says at last, “for seventy years. Alone in this office, in this building, in this city.” He puts the picture frame back on the desk, focusses on straightening it out, puts it perfectly in its place. “So yes,” he says, and breathing is coming easier now, “we came to an agreement. Me and him.” He gestures to Spare Head One.

“Him and me,” Spare Head One says.

“I see,” Bill says after a moment. The Doctor has hopes that that will be the end of it, that these two might piss off now, but then Bill ruins it by continuing to speak. “So you’re lonely.”

he can't even say it, that's the worst thing. he can't even say "she died" because it hurts too much. easier to say she just left. easier. better. because then maybe she'd come back.

Nardole doesn't let that happen though. he's someone that just like... says things, as they are. he just says it. she's dead. Bill's the same. you're lonely.

she's dead, you're lonely.

honestly wtf would the Doctor do without these two.

Bill goes like... you literally have a girlfriend locked up downstairs just talk to her for heaven's sake

Bill snatches up Spare Head One, who lets out a small squeak, and turns to the door. “How about we just go and get everything sorted out? Communication’s what it’s all about, you know!”

yeah Bill! comminication IS what it's all about

the problem with her plan - which is, as far as I can tell, "get the two weird Time Lords to speak to each other, maybe" is that she forgot to account for Missy being as weird as shit as well

Missy cackles. “Of course he doesn’t.” She whips the mango off the shelf and plunges her hand into the base of it. “That’s because he’s here!” And with a dramatic spin, she whips out another Spare Head from inside the mango.

“What was he doing under there?” Bill asks, baffled.

Missy rubs her nose. “Well,” she says, pointing at Spare Head One, “he offered.”

“So you fixed him,” Bill says, “and then you just shoved him under a thing on a shelf and – left him there?”

“No,” says Missy. “I bring him out from time to time.”

Bill frowns. “What for?”

Missy’s painted-red lips spread into a wicked smile. “Kissing.”

Bill blinks at her for a second, and then rolls her eyes. “Jesus Christ,” she says. “You two deserve each other.”

there's like... symmetry to it, right? synergy. they were lonely, there were some spare heads floating around, why not have a snog

OBVIOUSLY their problem is that they don't TALK to each other, they don't acknowledge their pain and they just like... cope, in the worst possible ways. but also i think it's funny so that's why i did this

the mango is obviously a reference to my other missydole fic, where Nardole gets his head stuck in a mango

obviously

THEN we get to the REAL weird bit

“Doctor,” she says, voice low, and hands him the head. “Kiss him for me?” The Doctor chokes on his own spit. “I want to watch.”

The Doctor turns his eyes to Nardole, who twitches his forehead in a way that might mean might as well, or might mean get away from me. Slowly, he leans in. Nardole’s eyes get big and round, but he doesn’t say anything, and as their mouths touch he lets out a soft sigh. The Doctor pulls away again and turns his head back to Missy. He raises an eyebrow. “Happy?”

“Very much,” she says, and plucks Nardole out of his hands.

“No, sir, don’t let her!”

“Oh,” Missy says, nostrils flaring, “I fix your head but I’m not allowed a little thank you kiss?”

Nardole narrows his eyes. “Only if you fix me, too.” He sniffs, and darts his eyes over to Spare Head Two, who sits still on the piano watching them all silently. “Like you did him.”

“Done.”

“Oh fine then,” grumbles Nardole, and she presses a dry, almost chaste kiss against his lips. When she pulls back, he has the impression of her lipstick all over his mouth.

“Your turn again,” she says throatily, and passes Nardole back to him. The Doctor leans in again and licks the lipstick off his mouth, smearing the red between the two of them. Missy leans in and whispers in his ear, breath hot, while he does, “It’s almost like you’re kissing me, by proxy, isn’t it?” He grunts, and kisses Nardole harder.

They part with a slick sound, and the Doctor eyes Nardole’s mouth with satisfaction, the faint pink stains all over his lips. He runs a finger over them. Missy leans over, and as the Doctor turns his head she kisses him on the corner of his mouth, pulling back with an irritated scowl.

"You were aiming for my cheek, weren't you?" he accuses.

“Give him to me,” Missy says, and he complies. She stands, Nardole clutched close to her chest, and wanders over to the piano stool which opens to reveal a full tool set. She grabs a screwdriver, and starts fiddling around in Nardole’s neck.

“Oh, we’re done, are we?” the Doctor says, trying not to sound petulant, and not really succeeding.

She gives him a disdainful glance. “Wanted more, did you?”

look i just want things to be awful and horrible for them all. like these are literally such rancid vibes. i think it's funny.

(oh, another note - in my FIRST publishing of this fic, did the Doctor and Missy kiss? no. did you come sobbing into my DMs about it? yes. did I write an entirely new bit just for you? yes)

i think. there's probably a version of this where they talk more. they open up to each other more. but i liked this more quiet, subdued version, where Missy fixes the other head, and it's more about what's implied than what's outright stated. i mean, yes, i love a good love confession, but i think there's almost something more intimate about this quiet understanding.

they've kissed, she's fixing something.

he knows things are going to be okay.

and, last words to the Doctor and Bill:

“I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” she says. “I’m sorry. You can – obviously, you can do what you want.” She swallows. “I didn’t know about your wife.”

Oh. The Doctor puts the essay back on the desk, and opens his arms. Bill burrows into them, resting her head on his shoulder. “It’s okay,” he murmurs. “You didn’t know.”

“How long?”

“We’re time travellers, it’s difficult,” he deflects. She doesn’t say anything, but pulls back and gives him a look. “About seventy years.”

Bill smiles sadly. “That’s a long time,” she says, “to be alone.”

The Doctor looks down at her hand, and holds it in his own. He smiles at her. “I’m not alone,” he says. “Not any more.”

YEAH

i guess that's sort of explicating what was implied in the previous scene. he's not alone. he's got friends. he's got a plethora of spare heads. and he's also got Missy.

i think OBVIOUSLY i wanted this story to be funny and silly and wild and i wanted the Doctor to have a really embarrassing time snogging a robot head, but i also was really trying to say something about what it feels like to be lonely, and i am like, genuinely proud of it. i think it's probably one of the best things I've written.

i wrote it at a really horrible time in my life, like i said, and i don't really remember writing it for the most part. reading it back was actually like.. good. which is honestly so nice.

like, i wrote this for like two people (hi), and myself, and it's very much my brand of humour, which is that it's funny but it's also sad because i think funny hits harder when it's balanced on the knife edge of tragedy.

SO. YEAH.

~~fin~~

[itsclydebitches]

Hey Clyde! Love your reviews on RWBY. My question is about Ozpin. If he survived fighting Cinder, would the events of volume 4-6 still happen? I believe the only reason team RWBYJNR treated Ozpin that way was because he was with Oscar who basically looked like a kid to them. However, if he was still in his adult body, would they have been more respectful?

Hi, anon! Thank you! I’m actually super glad you asked this. I’ve touched on how Oscar’s age and looks have impacted how others perceive Ozpin a bit in other asks, but haven’t had the chance to compose a substantial meta about it. I will attempt to fix that here! 

FYI, it’ll get decently image heavy from here on out. 

First, as a general response to the question of whether the events of Volumes 4-6 would have changed if Ozpin had survived: absolutely. If only because Ozpin as a figurehead would have still been around to lead both his inner circle and function as a symbol of strength for the rest of the world. Unless he was completely incapacitated from the fight or something (like in a coma), the expectation is that Ozpin would have begun rebuilding his school. Glynda wouldn’t have been left alone to try and deal with a frozen Wyvern attracting grimm. Ironwood wouldn’t have been left to figure out where to go from here. Qrow wouldn’t have been sent on a mission to return Ozpin’s cane. The whole world (including Atlas) may have been less likely to panic with Ozpin there to provide perspective and support. Lionheart presumably would have been less inclined to betray him, at least so soon and so overtly. An Ozpin who will reincarnate at some unknown point is a future Lionheart problem, and therefore far less intimidating. An Ozpin who still lives and commands his inner circle is way more of a threat and Lionheart would be more likely to get caught. Remember that even Salem was surprised by how quickly Ozpin reincarnated and dove back into the game—all the baddies were banking on more time. So yes, a ton would have changed. The group’s focus is now more along the lines of, “So is Ozpin going to fix things and can we go back to school?” and less, “Ozpin is dead as a door nail and no one is able to fix things for us. Might as well go hunt Cinder ourselves.” 

But onto the meat of the ask. Is the group treating Ozpin like they are at least partly because he’s in the body of a kid? That’s also a resounding ‘yes.’ Human beings, including the humans and the faunus that we write in fiction, are incredibly judgmental (for better and for worse) based on how someone else looks. If you’re able to see then you tend to prioritize that information over other aspects of a person. We create markers that we then learn and assume mean something when, much of the time, they don’t. Or, to put it another way, we create stereotypes. We can think about this in terms of gender presentation: a masculine-looking person giving orders is seen as the “boss” whereas a feminine-looking person giving orders is seen as a “bitch.” We can complicate that with race: we’re more likely to view a white woman giving orders as “assertive” when compared to a black man giving orders. That’s “aggressive.” From giving a girl long blonde hair when you want to cue people into the fact that she’s (supposedly) dumb, to making a man skinny when you want him to seem vulnerable, our media is chock-full of those markers, subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) encouraging us to read characters in particular ways. There’s a reason that Yang, the go-getter, is blonde whereas Blake, the bookworm, has black hair. There’s a reason that Cardin wasn’t designed as a twig and Jaune is a couple inches shorter than him. There’s even a reason why the sap the group collects is red rather than, say, yellow, orange, blue—literally any other color. Only red sap makes it look like Cardin is covered in blood when he attacks Jaune, thus increasing how much we read him as a threat. The characters’ designs matter. 

What does all that have to do with Ozpin? Well, at the start of the series his markers all point to authority and wisdom. He’s a white man, for one. He dresses in a formal suit. There are nods towards his age (a cane, white hair) that tell us, despite his baby face, that he’s someone who has been around a while and thus has a great deal of experience to draw on. He’s also, significantly, tall. Take a look at how his talks with Ruby read visually. 

Ruby is incredibly small compared to Ozpin. He towers above her and she’s constantly in a position of looking up to him, mirroring the ways in which she figuratively looks up to him for advice. Her mannerisms are also younger and don’t carry much confidence. Crossing her arms and sulking. Wringing her hands while asking if she’s made a mistake. The way Ruby moves contrasts Ozpin’s own very still, very composed mannerisms. Body language and facial expression is one of the primary ways that we communicate and the slightest change can carry a world of meaning. For example, compare these two shots of Yang from Volume 1 and Volume 6: 

On the surface they appear quite similar, but provided there isn’t something impacting how we read these moments (such as some people with autism), we learn that these poses mean two very different things. Two hands on your waist is a relaxed pose; one hand on your waist is an arrogant pose. At least when combined with an angry expression. One arm, the placement of her eyebrows, and suddenly Yang’s attitude towards Ozpin has radically changed. We went from casual respect to defiance, and most viewers wouldn’t need to know anything else about RWBY’s story to read that here. Her body language alone tells the story. 

Ozpin’s body language with Ruby then cues the viewer into the fact that he (supposedly) has the answers here, simply by virtue of him exuding a confidence that Ruby doesn’t possess yet. Who do you look to in a bad situation? The person screaming and running around in panic? Or the person who calmly announces that they can help, getting everyone else to calm down by keeping calm themselves? This sort of characterization is partly why the fandom grew suspicious of Ozpin early on. It’s not simply that he (on the surface) is modeled after the shady authority figure trope, but that we’ve learned from real life experience that a person’s ability to keep calm and speak eloquently doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re right. Sounding authoritative is a skill and it’s why the likes of cult leaders and dictators are so dangerous. If you just sound and look like you know what you’re doing, people have a tendency to believe you. And if you’re inclined towards critical thinking, you might be wary of the person whose demeanor is a little too polished. 

Even when Ozpin is being playful he maintains a certain level of dignity. His clothes, his physical looks, and the controlled movement of the mug—he’s not jumping around like Nora might—all remind us that Ozpin is the headmaster here and thus, though he’s making silly jokes about popcorn right now, he deserves a certain amount of respect. Even his posture speaks volumes, one arm still tucked behind his back and shoulders ramrod straight. It’s a posture that speaks of training and discipline. There’s a reason that the general (Ironwood) is always animated as standing tall with hands neatly folded and the presumably less dependable drunk (Qrow) is animated with a constantly hunched posture. How Ozpin stands is a quick and easy way to tell the viewer, “This guy is in charge. He’s powerful. He’s wise. You can rely on him.” 

All of this changes dramatically once Ozpin is thrown into Oscar’s body. Moving chronologically, it’s significant that the group is not introduced to this new Ozpin as a dignified individual. 

This is what we get later. Note the crossed legs, still good posture, even the ‘adult’ way he holds a mug. In contrast, someone younger and more childish in terms of their personality, like Ruby, tends to hold a drink with two hands and chucks it all back in a manner that would never fly at a dinner party. 

Rather than a dignified Ozpin knocking at the door, the group first encounters Oscar, someone who, like Volume 1 Ruby, can be incredibly timid and lacks in self-confidence. This isn’t the body language of a leader arriving to provide you with all the answers. 

Oscar’s slouched posture, downward gaze, wringing hands, and fearful expression all paint him as the weak one here. Made worse by the fact that he asks to see Ruby and ignites (an entirely understandable) suspicion in the group. Their first interaction is characterized by perceiving him as both a potential threat, but also one they can easily handle. We don’t like that he’s asking about Ruby, but we can take him in a fight no problem. 

And yes, this first impression makes a difference. Knowing something about someone on an intellectual level usually doesn’t trump the emotional response we have to the physical markers we’re faced with. As a non-RWBY example, let’s say you were introduced to these two characters. 

Ignoring for a moment that we’re comparing a villain and a hero, let’s say for the sake of argument that you’re told—and are provided proof—that each of these characters are morally sound, powerful adults and you should afford them with the respect they deserve. Being told that simply can’t outweigh what we see. Who are you more likely to respect? The woman who looks like a literal child named Baby Doll in a cutesy outfit, or the very old looking man in badass robes, literally named the Ancient One? All the, “But I am an adult” in the world isn’t going to convince people to read, and therefore respond to, Baby Doll in the same way they would the Ancient One. 

That’s the situation Ozpin is in now. He’s told the group that he’s Ozpin, he’s managed to prove it, but there’s always going to be a part of Ruby and the gang that doesn’t quite believe it. Not in Jaune’s literal sense of, ‘He could be lying about who he is,’ but just in a more instinctual, ‘He says he’s our headmaster, but all I see is a fourteen year old kid.’ What you see makes it really easy to ignore what you know, particularly when those two things contrast. Those markers Oscar brings to this new version of Ozpin are simply too influential and yes, that opens the door for the group to treat him with far less respect than they would in his adult form. We see it right from the start when, despite having been told that this is also Ozpin, the group coos over him in an overbearing, disrespectful manner. 

This continues even after Ozpin has taken control and is doing everything he can (those dignity markers) to regain some level of trust and respect. Even while seated and attempting to command the room as Headmaster Ozpin, Nora nevertheless undermines that with “Cute little boy Ozpin!” She has chosen to emphasize his looks over his status and notably no one listens when he says, “Please don’t call me that.”

Ozpin has, in this moment, literally been labeled as a child. A “boy.” Though we can’t be sure about what age all his hosts were when Ozpin arrived, based on Jinn’s vision it doesn’t look as if reincarnating into teenagers is common. This may even be the first time.   

Any of these past reincarnations would have been able to command more authority, simply because they’re adult men not dressed in dirty farm clothes. If this Ozpin had shown up in Haven, 

we would have gotten a very different volume. Age matters. How we perceive age matters. We saw this right in RWBY’s second episode wherein Weiss calls Ruby out on attending Beacon. 

It’s Ruby’s looks and Ruby’s looks alone that encourage Weiss to come to the conclusion, ‘You shouldn’t be here.’ The same thing has now happened to Ozpin. You look younger than us and are inhabiting a body that physically couldn’t beat us in a fight? You shouldn’t be here. You definitely shouldn’t be giving us orders. 

The group had control of Ozpin’s safe house. They were poised to interrogate him for showing up at it unannounced. Now they emphasize Oscar’s age and characteristics over his, which is ironically the only time that they emphasize Oscar’s individuality over Ozpin’s. In short, they’ve created an environment where a part of them truly believes that they’re older and more knowledgeable simply because of how Ozpin now looks, even though technically they know this isn’t true. It’s a new dynamic and with that comes the confidence to treat him like the fourteen year old stranger he “is”. I don’t believe for a moment that Yang would have ignored Ozpin’s direct questions, shot out irrational accusations, and then demanded a promise from him if he still looked the way he did at Beacon. Especially as someone who came to Haven later and therefore missed the initial proof, Yang simply doesn’t read Ozpin as Ozpin. We’ve seen how other characters interact with him from a student-teacher dynamic and it’s far more respectful. 

As this shot demonstrates, there’s also that issue of Ozpin’s size. Where as a headmaster Ozpin commanded authority by being taller than almost everyone else around him, Ozpin as Oscar immediately loses authority by being the smallest in the room. As I mentioned with Jaune and Cardin, size is an easy way to emphasize vulnerability. We quite literally couldn’t have gotten this scene if Ozpin was still 6'6" and looking twice Jaune’s age. 

In this scene Jaune honestly thinks this might be Ozpin. He’s accusing him of lying again, of claiming to leave when really he’s spying on them, or just pretending to be this kid called ‘Oscar,’ whatever. The point is that Jaune is working under the assumption that he’s interacting with his headmaster, yet that knowledge obviously doesn’t give him pause. Because Ozpin’s new look outweighs everything else Jaune knows about him. He’s angry and now suddenly Ozpin isn’t an intimidating huntsmen capable of defending himself, Ozpin is a teeny-tiny kid with no training. Jaune becomes Cardin through the realization of, “Oh. If I’m bigger and more powerful than this person, I can do whatever I want to them.” 

Ozpin’s size is an ongoing reminder that, despite possessing his own skill as well as magic, he’s in a vulnerable position. He needs to stand on the furniture in order to recreate his students literally and figuratively looking up to him, but now it just reads as a joke. 

This isn’t the first time RWBY has used size this way. Cordovin is an excellent example of how a small, non-dignified looking person is unable to maintain authority in the way someone with another appearance might. Her white hair just makes her look old rather than wise and her short stature is so extreme that it invites humor. It’s not just that Cordovin is a racist, or that her guards act like Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Her appearance immediately gave the group another excuse for why they shouldn’t listen to her. Look at this tiny old woman trying to tell us what to do. Yeah right, lady. We could probably punt you into the sun so step aside.

This is a look that makes guards release prisoners in three seconds flat. 

This is a look that encourages laughter and, by extension, a lack of respect. 

The extreme camera angle in order to make Cordovin look ‘imposing.’ The fact that she looks like a literal child next to Weiss… none of it encourages the group, or the audience, to take her seriously. Rooster Teeth made a conscious decision when they decided to animate Volume 6′s “bad guy” as an old woman with sagging breasts and an extremely small stature. 

The only time when someone that small is re-characterized as authoritative is when they’re standing up against unimaginable odds. 

Ignoring that this scene in reality is Ruby refusing to take responsibility for the crimes she is currently committing, what Rooster Teen wants this shot to do is function as an example of extreme heroism. That’s accomplished by taking our second smallest character and situating her in front of a larger-than-life mech. Ruby’s refusal to back down in the face of something so much bigger than her is (again) supposed to be inspiring. She’s standing up to Cordovin’s “bullying” in a way Oscar was unable to do with his own mech: a bigger and more threatening Jaune. 

(I really cannot express how awful Volume Six was wow). 

All of which brings me to my final point. Namely that, by virtue of his age and size, Ozpin as Oscar will always look ridiculous when attempting to make use of his former markers. Using a cane? 

Headmaster Ozpin’s age and height makes it look distinguished. Ozpin at Oscar’s age and height makes it look silly. What’s the fourteen year old doing with a cane nearly as tall as he is? (Acknowledging that this is an ableist assumption. Some fourteen year olds do need canes, but most viewers are going to question this in a way they never would with the white-haired adult). What’s the kid doing with such a fancy looking cane when he’s literally covered in dirt, bandages, rags, and badly mended clothes? That’s a silly contrast. 

Headmaster Ozpin fighting? Totally badass. One of the shortest and yet most talked about fights in the show. 

Ozpin as Oscar fighting? Still badass… if you’re willing to work for it a bit more. But really, the kid swinging a cane around just will never have the same feel as a grown man who looked like Ozpin did. 

Ozpin himself is a dignified person, but anytime he adopts those mannerisms now he looks silly at best, arrogant at worst. 

I think his look is largely why so many fans read the snow scene as him talking down to the group. He no more talked down to them here then he did when he conversed with Ruby, or Pyrrha, or the team while heading off to Mountain Glenn. The only difference is that the previous Ozpin commanded all that authority, so his warnings and criticisms held weight. This Ozpin not only doesn’t look the part of an authority figure, half his time is spent being Oscar, someone who defers to and scurries around the rest of the group. So when Ozpin tries to take charge here, everyone is far less willing to listen. People are inclined to read him as arrogant, patronizing, talking down to others, etc. because it looks like a small child giving orders to a more older, more powerful team. Even though it’s not. 

It’s the combination of everything above that leads to moments like this. Where Ozpin is smaller, more vulnerable, looks too young, too naive, where the group towers over him for once and hurts him both physically and emotionally because now they can. 

Tl;dr: Yeah. Oscar’s looks and Oscar’s personality changed things irrevocably. If Ozpin had still looked like Ozpin the group wouldn’t feel half as entitled to this behavior and gaining their respect—from ‘Please don’t address me like that’ to ‘Please understand why I kept secrets’—would be far, far easier. 

[sherlollydramoine]

How the Lights Shine So Colorful and Bright

I hope that this satisfies. It just ended up being a bunch of cute fluff. This is actually two parts. Part one is just Rami X Reader and some quality time, the second part is Dad!Rami X Kids X Reader. Fyi, they have four kids in this one. :) Whoops. Busy little horn dogs. 

Warnings: implied/mentioned sex, and just a lot of cute fluffiness. I cried writing a part of this. 

These are just two separate HC’s totaling about 2k words

Rami X Reader

For the record I am not from NY, nor have I ever been to NY, so anything that is listed in here is sourced straight from a quick Google search.

Word Count: 1060 words (Part One)

You and Rami had escaped to New York in early December. He had some promotional work that he had to do, and he also said that you were overdue for some one-on-one quality time

You stayed behind in the hotel sleeping in for the first time in nearly six years, having four kids is exhausting, while he went to work. The twins, your toddler, and the baby

When he finally came back from fulfilling his work obligations he found you still in bed, dead asleep and he couldn’t help the quiet chuckle that escaped him.

He shrugged off his coat, and took his shoes off before he carefully climbed into the bed with you.

“Hey sleepyhead.” he says, as he gently brushes your hair back from your face.

“If no one is bleeding, dying, or the house isn’t on fire then please leave mommy alone!” you mumble out.

He laughs loudly and you open your eyes. 

“How was work?” you mumble out.

“It was fine. It’s always kind of fun doing the initial promo stuff. Buttttttttt, now that I’m free for the rest of the day I was thinking that maybe we could go get something to eat, and then maybe you know... because it’s been awhile since we’ve... ya know. I have plans for us tonight though.

Your day passes by all to quickly between shopping, eating, and having the hot sex you two were so overdue and that next thing you know it’s getting late. 

You had both taken a brief nap after one particular round of vigorous sex, so you were both charged up and ready for whatever he had planned.

He gets into the closet and pulls out a garment bag, and tells you to put the dress that is inside the bag on. 

You draw in a sharp breath, and then almost start to cry as you open the bag.  “Baby, where did you find this dress?”

“I found an old picture of the two of us and you were wearing it, and you know, I know people. So I had this dress made for you. I know how much that dress meant to you. You were wearing it when we first met, on our first date, when I asked to be my girlfriend, the first time we kissed, it’s also the dress I took off of you the first time the we had sex. When you lost everything in that house fire, you told me how that dress and your grandmother's copy of Pride & Prejudice were the only things that meant anything to you.”

You threw your arms around his neck and brought your lips to his. That is just how amazing your husband is, he would do anything like this for anyone that he loved. 

“So get dressed YN, because we have plans.”

You got dressed really quickly and taking his hand you both headed out the door of your hotel. 

Usually when you visit the city you both take public transportation, but not today. He had hired a car with a driver. You try to ask him what he was up to, and then it dawns on you.

“Baby are we.. are we going to go look at the Christmas lights?”

“Yes.”

“That’s just like-omg-I love you so much!!” you feel the tears wanting to start again, as you lean into his shoulder.

“Yes, just like our first date.We were both so broke, and I was so excited when you didn’t want to ditch me after that. That other guy that really liked you was rich, and I thought that there was no chance in hell that you’d ever want to see me again.”

“Oh baby. I had the biggest crush on you and we’d just never met, only ever seen each other from a distance. I never thought that I had a chance in hell because you were and still are the most beautiful man that I’ve ever seen.”

He kisses your temple, just as the car pulled over.

We’re at Rockefeller Center. You got out,and walked around for a bit. Admiring the giant Christmas tree and all of the other sights and sounds around us. 

When you were standing as close to the bottom of the tree as was possible, he took out his phone and angled the camera to capture you both in a selfie. 

An older gentleman and his wife were walking by and they stopped and offered to take a few pictures of the two of you. 

He presses another kiss to your temple, and then takes your hand in his. 

Your husband was so caring and gracious, that when a couple of fans spotted him, he happily agreed to take a few photos with them. You offered to take them and they declined and asked you to be in the picture too.

After spending a little while in one location, he’d have you back in the car and off to the next.

This time he shuffled you off to Bryant Park. The skating rink, with the NY Public Library looming in the distance, and all the little ways that the area was lit up. The random decorations around, the cool night air wanting you to just lean into him. The different vendors that were set up along the way.

The last location of the night was for a stroll down Fifth Avenue, mostly just so that you can look at all the displays in the windows, and the way things were decorated so meticulously. 

Your night ended with dinner at a restaurant close to your hotel, walking back in the chilly night air.

Walking, hand in hand, just like all those years ago. You really couldn’t have asked for a better date night. 

“YN, all the bright lights could never shine any brighter than you, or my love for you.”

He stops you in the middle of the sidewalk, others around you huffing in irritation as they had to maneuver around you; he reaches up to cup the back of your neck as your body practically melts into his. The kiss you shared was so sweet yet full of passion.

You rest your head on his shoulder. “This was the best date that we’ve had in a long time. Maybe we should strip it down more often, and just do things the cheap and simple way like we used to Rami.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

***********************************************************

Part Two

Dad!Rami X Kids X Reader

Go to the LA Zoo Lights - for the record I’ve never been there, never done that, I hope it’s not disappointing. I did a basic Google search and got some information about this. I hope for those of my readers that have been, that it is accurately described.

Word Count: 1056

“Daddy!!!! I wanna go to the zoo!!” your oldest two started yelling repeatedly, in unison

“We will go in just a minute, mommy is just finishing changing the baby.”

The sun had just barely set, everyone fed, and now you two were getting ready to round up your crew of kiddos to get them in the car.

They had been excited about going to the zoo in the dark for a week. It’s all they’ve talked about.

The twins were bouncing off the walls, your toddler was having a meltdown because she wanted to wear her pink sparkly shoes, but they were nowhere to be found, so she had to wear her purple sparkly shoes instead. 

The baby had just pooped after being fed, so you were finishing changing him and then everyone was set to go.

Sometimes you and Rami joke about how crazy you had been to have kids so close in age, but parenthood was something he wore just as well as he wore those fancy suits.

Rami was trying to keep your three oldest entertained as you dealt with the baby.

Walking into the living room, you couldn’t help but to laugh. Rami was on the floor with three kids on top of him.

“Heeeellllllllllllpppppppppppp meeeeeeeeeee!!!” he dramatically cried out, waiting for you to come to his rescue.

With a loud sigh you set the baby down on his play mat on the floor before walking over to your husband. 

You grabbed your toddler and one of the twins and began to tickle them.

“My heroooo!” Rami laughed, as he gave you a kiss, standing up. Scooping the other twin into his arms and tossing him in the air. 

“Soooo… who is ready for some zoo lights? And maybe some ice cream after if it’s not too late and you behave?!”

The two oldest stopped in their tracks and started screaming, which caused your toddler to start screaming, which made the baby cry.

Rami just laughed, as he scooped your infant off the floor and into his arms. 

Grabbing the diaper bag that was full to bursting with everything that would possibly be needed for an evening away from the house, along with the stroller, baby carrier, and the backpack, you grab your small army and head to the car. 

You are a minivan family. Rami hated it at first, but once he realized there was no way in hell that you were all gonna fit in the small SUV you had, he had begrudgingly agreed and bought the minivan

You were strapping in the twins, while Rami was wrestling with your toddler, the baby having already been strapped in to his car seat and snapped into the base of his car seat.

Rami drove you all to the zoo, where the twins excited screeching was just getting louder by the minute, the toddler just jabbering away about who knows what, God bless your infant son who was blissfully asleep amongst all the chaos.

You two learned the hard way about 6 months ago, to keep everyone strapped in until you were ready to go. Rami was on twin patrol, and you would handle the stroller and wear the baby. 

You climb into the van and get the twins out, they had their instructions to stand next to the van, and hold hands. Next came the toddler who was promptly situated in the stroller, and lastly the baby that couldn’t be bothered to wake up, while being strapped into the carrier, grabbing his blanket to cover his tiny body. 

Rami took the twins ahead, to go get everyone’s tickets, while you got the two youngest taken care of.

You could hear your twins Oooohing and Ahhhhing at the entrance already, and you smiled sweetly, knowing that this was going to be a great decision.

Rami let the twins lead the way, as only certain parts of the zoo were open during the zoo lights.

Watching the kids faces light up in wonder and amazement at what they were seeing.

The lights were bright and fun, the lighted tunnels were a favorite. 

You never would have thought that this would have ended up being your lives, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Rami only got upset once during the evening when a fan approached and asked for a photograph, to which Rami politely declined stating that he was out with his family. You almost stepped in and offered to allow him to take the picture, but he was firm in his ‘no’ because he didn’t want them to accidentally snap any pictures of the kids.

He would get so mad when someone would catch photos of him and the kids, and post them online.

He was always so adamant that he wanted the kids to be as far removed from his ‘celeb’ life as referred to it, as possible. 

The kids knew their dad didn’t have a normal job, but they didn’t know exactly what he did, and he wanted it that way, until they got a little older. 

He never allowed the kids to live a ‘jet set’ life, choosing to allow them to have as much consistency and normalcy as normal childhood allowed. The only time you all traveled was when Rami’s job took him away from home longer than a month, and that was because he always insisted that he hated being away for so long. He used to just travel back and forth, but that became incredibly taxing on him, after the first couple of times, it was decided that travelling as a family unit was for the best.

The kids still got to see various parts of the world, and he always made it a learning adventure. Learning about different cultures, food, history, and languages. 

The adventure at the zoo was only supposed to take somewhere between 60-90 minutes, but of course, the twins and their never ending curiosity made the whole evening end up lasting about two and a half hours. By the time you were all heading back to the car all the kids were definitely exhausted and ready for bed. 

You barely made it out of the parking lot of the zoo and all four kids were out cold. 

You and Rami just smiled at each other, and high-fived, another successful family adventure for the books.

@xmxisxforxmaybe​ @mrhoemazzello​ @itsme690​ @txmel​ @r-ahh-mi​ @ramimedley​ @spacedustmazzello​ @safinsscar​ @ladyr0b0t​ @hissom1933​

[nakamina]

What is Produce 101 Japan? + Fav members

Hello again! Today, I’m here with another long blog post NOT about Yuzuru Hanyu or anime but............ PRODUCE 101 JAPAN!! Because there are just not enough posts about it on Tumblr. AGH! WHY!? So here we go...

What is Produce 101 Japan?

Produce 101 Japan is a 2019 Japanese reality competition show and a spin-off of the South Korean television series Produce 101 . The show follows 101 trainees with the intention of producing an 11-member boy band. The members, group name, and concepts are selected by viewers, referred to as "national producers." The series was first announced in April 2019 as a co-production between Yoshimoto Kogyo and CJ E&M and premiered on September 25, 2019, with the first and final episodes airing on TBS while the full series will be streamed on GyaO! beginning September 26, 2019. - Totally not copied and pasted from wiki lol 

So yes, if you are familiar with the Korean Produce 101 franchise then you get the gist; if not, it is basically a Japanese idol show where the viewers get to vote and decide who will debut in the end as part of a 11-member boy band. Almost each week the ranking is released to the public online. This ranking resets every 3-4 weeks, so every trainee has the opportunity to redeem themselves as well as drop down in rank. Currently 9 out of 12 episodes have aired. The final episode is set to air on December 11, 2019. 

Who are MY top 11 members? 

So my favourite part of this blog has come! I will now show case my top/favourite 11 members of Produce 101 Japan. So obviously these are the members that I hope will make it into the final 11 to debut as a group. I will first list their age, prefecture, current rank (as of 27th Nov 2019), audition group (as some members entered this show as a group), position/persona (made up by me) and a short blurb about what I like about them. FYI this is not in any particular order......except for maybe no.1 hehe. 

1. Shiroiwa Ruki

Age: 22 Prefecture: Tokyo, Japan Current rank: 4th  Audition group: Hangyaku no Prince  Position/persona: A prince on the outside, a dork on the inside

Ruki is by far my favourite trainee and my 1-pick. He is a total visual, an all rounder and the dark horse of this show. His rank has been steadily improving and just last week he jumped from 13th place to 4th place! So far he has been the centre for all of the group battle performances. He is known for his “Prince” persona, and yes on stage he is indeed like a prince from a Shojo-manga; however, as some other trainees have confessed he is actually quite dorky and down to earth. I mean, in his 60-second PR video he sang while nonchalantly playing a guitar that was clearly out of tune (face palm). Furthermore, he talks to his dorm mates on and on until 4am only because he gets lonely and doesn’t want to be the last one to fall asleep. This young fella just yearns for some company haha. With all jokes aside though, I think he honestly has the potential to challenge the current top three members and be chosen as the final centre. 

2. Komatsu Koshin

Age: 18 Prefecture: Hyogo, Japan Current rank: 28th Audition group: Puchi-men  Position/persona: Small boy with a big heart 

Komatsu-kun is a 18 year old high schooler that has captured the hearts of many with his cute face and personality. Ruki may be my 1-pick, but Komatsu-kun was the first trainee I had my eyes on. He is very underrated IMHO as he just does not get enough screen time. But you can tell from the few scenes that he is featured in that he is so polite, cares a lot about his fellow peers and can always lift up the the entire mood within the team. He also has a stable vocal and solid dance skills. He may be small (165cm), but he has a heart of a giant. 

3. Uehara Jun 

Age: 23 Prefecture: Tokyo, Japan Current rank: 5th Audition group: n/a Position/persona: King of Rap 

Where do I even begin with Uehara Jun!? He was actually in Produce X (4th season of the Produce franchise in Korea) but as he could not make the final cut there, he has now committed to this second opportunity in Japan to make his debut as an idol. Jun has many amazing qualities, one of the obvious ones being his skills as a rapper. Honestly, he is in a league of his own when it comes to rap. I’m no rap pro, but when he raps it just sounds so GOOD! When he first started off I think a lot of viewers were hesitant to vote for him as he had the tendency to succumb to pressure and self-guilt, but as the weeks went by he really redeemed himself and gained a lot more confidence. I mean...the fact that he moved from one season to another without second thought just shows he really wants this, and I genuinely hope he will make it into the final 11. He deserves it and the group will suffer without a top-quality rapper like him. 

4. Kono Junki

Age: 21 Prefecture: Nara, Japan Current rank: 11th  Audition group: Six Packs Position/persona: Kpop ready vocals and visual 

Junki is a very handsome trainee with a beautiful voice. Despite having little to no experience with singing or dancing prior to this show, he has really demonstrated the ability to adapt and deliver. Also his face and voice is so Kpop worthy it’s crazy. If I saw him walking down the street with no prior knowledge of who he is and someone told me he is a Kpop idol I will be convinced. He has also been voted by the other trainees as one of the top visuals. Oh and did I mention he has amazing muscles? I mean he did audition as part of a group called “Six Packs” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). 

5. Yonashiro Sho 

Age: 24 Prefecture: Okinawa, Japan   Current rank: 8th Audition group: Six Packs Position/persona: 50 Shades of Yonashiro 

Ah yes... Yonashiro, the Christian Grey of Produce 101 Japan. I say this because many viewers find his face, body and most of all his VOICE to be very sensual. He is a member of Six Packs, the same group as Kono Junki, so of course he has muscles and is also an amazing vocalist. His deep liquid gold voice has just added so much spice to every group performance that he has been a part of, and is now regarded as one of the  best vocalists of all the trainees. You may think that he is this know-it-all arrogant narcissist because of his looks, but he is actually very kind, considerate of others and has genuine passion for singing. 

6. Kim Heecheon 

Age: 25 Prefecture: South Korean  Current rank: 14th  Audition group: Hello Again  Position/persona: Ready to lead a country 

Heecheon was a former member of the Kpop group Halo. As they disbanded, he decided to join this show alongside two other former members of Halo (Younghoon & Youndong). Due to their experience Halo is really on a league of their own in many ways. Their dance, vocals, performance and professionalism as an idol are just top notch and SO stable. Heecheon particularly has a voice of an angel. He can really hit those high notes and it sounds so tranquil. One of the vocal trainers even praised him for it in one of the first episodes. He has also demonstrated great leadership skills. He has the ability to gain everyone’s trust and respect, while not being afraid to give constructive criticism and call out on those who are not being professional within the team. He is so level-headed, but that is not to say he isn’t fun. He is actually so funny and I am just impressed how well he understands Japanese sense of humour despite being Korean. Heecheon for president anyone?? 

7. Jeong Younghoon

Age: 26 Prefecture: South Korea Current rank: 6th  Audition group: Hello Again  Position/persona: Embodiment of Kindness 

Look up “kindness” in your dictionary and you are sure to find his name. Younghoon, the eldest member of the Halo trio, is such a kind-hearted individual. One of the younger trainees even said that he wants Younghoon in his group during one of the group battles because he is kind (uwu). He has actually been judged quite harshly by the trainers despite being a former Kpop idol, and was even placed in group C (3rd lowest group) at one point. Even with these challenges he never showed the slightest bit of annoyance towards the trainers and accepted to improve on the flaws the he was criticised for. Like Heecheon, he has also gained a lot of trust and admiration from the other trainees.

8. Kim Youndong

Age: 24 Prefecture: South Korea Current rank: 10  Audition group: Hello Again  Position/persona: Little Mr Sunshine 

Youndong, also a former member of Halo, is such a sunshine of the show. He is absolutely a pleasure to watch both on and off stage and is always smiling. He is probably the least fluent in Japanese out of the Halo trio, but that in itself is what makes him so charming. His personality is so likeable I think it is impossible for anyone to hate him. Not to mention his stunning presence while performing. 

9. Kawanishi Takumi 

Age: 20 Prefecture: Hyogo, Japan Current rank: 12th  Audition group: KSIX Position/persona: Princess

I think Takumi is a must needed member for the final 11. He really is a talented individual. He apparently has no experience with dancing or singing but for some reason he manages to always pull off complicated choreos and is also working steadily on his vocals right now. He may be ranked 12th at the moment, but he was previously ranked no.1, so I’m sure his one-pickers will place him back up high in the ranking again soon enough. He is also labelled as the “Princess” of Produce 101 Japan due to his picture perfect looks. Unsurprisingly he was also voted as the no.1 visual by the trainees. I mean just look at him, those eyes just so striking and and full of hope! 

10. Kawashiri Ren 

Age: 22 Prefecture: Fukuoka, Japan Current rank: 2nd Audition group: UN Backers  Position/persona: Mr Perfect 

Now Ren is a special one. He is a very experienced dancer and is one of, if not the best dancer of all the trainees. He has worked as a back dancer for many Kpop and Jpop groups such as FT Island, WannaOne, Pentagon and SMAP. Of course he is not the only experienced dancer in the show, but every move of his is so effortless and clean. He was voted as the very first centre of Produce 101 Japan, and maintained this position throughout the first half of the season. His rank has now dropped down to 2nd, but he still maintains an incredible amount of following. He has so much aura and has garnered a lot of respect from the other trainees. I think it’s safe to say that he will make it into the final 11 and will undoubtedly be one of the top contenders for the final centre position. 

11. Tsurubo Shion 

Age: 18 Prefecture: Shiga, Japan Current rank: 3rd  Audition group: n/a  Position/persona: Bad boy gone sweet

I think Shion is a type that really pulls the ladies’ heart strings. Similar to Uehara Jun, Shion also sees Produce 101 as his second chance to accomplish his dream as an idol, as he has had a history of failing an audition....an audition which he even dropped out of high school for. There was some negativity around his reputation at the start as the trainers addressed his “rude” attitude in the first episode (By rude, he talked over some of the trainers and hosts, and was not using proper formal language). This was only for the first episode and was most likely due to nerves of being on screen as as the weeks went by we saw him break out of his shell and show a very sweet side of him. I mean just look at his pure smile in the GIF below! 

Honourable mentions

Now I am going to cheat a bit and show case three other trainees that could not make it into MY top 11 but deserves a mention. 

Ando Tomoaki 

Age: 22 Prefecture: Fukuoka, Japan Current rank: 7th Audition group: Six Packs Position/persona: Michelangelo’s Ando

The third member of Six Packs. I say he’s “Michelangelo’s” Ando because he has such deep set eyes and western facial features. One trainee said that he’s like one of the statues you’d find in the Louvre lol. Ando may very well be the most talented vocalist in Six Packs. It would be very sad to not see all of the three Six Packs members make it into the final 11, so thats why I have placed him here. 

Honda Kosuke 

Age: 24  Prefecture: Fukushima, Japan Current rank: 15th Audition group: Hangyaku no Prince  Position/persona: Big bro Honda 

Honda is so big bro-material. Even Kawajiri Ren, one of the most respected trainees comes to him for moral support. I actually would be really happy if he makes it into the final 11 with Ruki because they are from the same group and have such a strong bond (cries). So much drama happened around him during one of the group battles, and he is such a great dancer and choreographer. 

Urano Shuta

Age: 22 Prefecture: Kanagawa, Japan Current rank: 34th Audition group: Hangyaku no Prince  Position/persona: Mood maker 

Urano Shuta, also a member of Hangyaku no Prince, is someone that very recently caught my attention. He has a great voice and great sense of humour. Honestly, every scene he is featured in just cracks me up because he is always pulling off jokes. Let’s give him a bonus GIF for his loveable humour. 

In Summary 

Produce 101 Japan is such an entertaining, dramatic and inspiring show. I am usually not into idols at all (Kpop or Jpop), so I am honestly surprised just how invested I have become. I’ve only showcased 14 trainees today, but no joke each one of them has something to offer and you just have to watch it to understand the greatness of this show. Unfortunately you are only able to vote if you live in Japan (as it requires to have a Japanese cell phone number). Since I don’t live in Japan I thought this blog post is the least I could do to help promote the trainees. If you are able to please check this show out! You can use a VPN to watch all the episodes on Gyao. Otherwise, they have an official youtube channel and many fans have uploaded videos of Produce 101 Japan as well online. 

Thanks so much if you made it to the end of this blog! And I’m sorry if this is not the kind of content you expected from me. Do not fret though, plenty of Yuzuru Hanyu content will still be coming from me. 

Adios until my next blog post!! 

[cllynchauthor]

That post you made was a mess, just fyi. 1) I went through the thread you linked, and I found the authors reasonable and respectable. The playwriter's worked with people with disabilities for 10 years, and it's clear he cares about the issue. 2) The fact Lawrence is a puppy isn't automatically pejorative. That's how art works. I haven't seen the play, but it's probably a metaphor for the teen's lack of agency or something like that. Also writing something a certain way doesn't mean you -

“- approve of it. Have you even seen the play? 3) Please stop pretending anyone represents the autistic community and that you guys speak with one voice. It’s seriously dehumanizing to think a large and diverse group of people shares the same views. In that view there is an autistic man who loved the play - I guess his voice doesn’t count because he disagrees with you?”

--

I love this anon message because it contains pretty much every argument that people are using against the autistic folk protesting this play. 

Like, I’ve been watching #puppetgate unfold since day one, read the reviews, read the responses from @allinarowplay. You think I haven’t heard these points before?

I’ve read them so many times now in tweets and reviews that your message just looks like one of those ransom notes that are made from cut and pasted words out of the newspaper.

But since Tumblr is new to #puppetgate, SURE, let’s address them! 

First of all, my #puppetgate summary was a truthful, if flippant, tl;dr of the past two weeks’ worth of Twitter drama. 

I apologize if my brief humorous take on a complex and nuanced debate didn’t meet the standards of a random stranger on the internet. 

Let’s discuss it in more serious detail.

1) You can care about an issue and still handle it really poorly. No one doubts this playwright’s intentions. But, as you say, he was a CARER for 10 years. That doesn’t mean he understands how it feels to be autistic and in fact, ableism is built right into ABA and other therapies used by carers. 

So yeah, he cares. And he still made an ableist play.

Also, the thread you mention was BELOW the video I linked to wherein the puppet designer says, and I quote:

“Laurence is non-verbal, and the power that puppets have is that they explore movement and with a turn of their head or a small movement they give life and character that you wouldn’t achieve with a human actor.”

Which is why I snidely summarized their position as 

“ This puppet is going to be SO MUCH more like an autistic child than a human could ever be!”

https://twitter.com/allinarowplay/status/1092410318960148481

Also, there is a brief shot of their script in that video at 2:19 and if you pause it and look at it you can see that the parents are joking about how their kid is like a puppy.

“Shits wherever he wants” is clearly visible.

This is the stuff the positive reviews consider funny, honest, and brave.

According to reviews, the child is present in the background throughout most of the play. Which means they talk like this IN FRONT OF HIM and this is never brought up as an issue/problem. 

In fact, non-autistic reviewers don’t even seem bothered by it, probably because they share the common misperception that non-verbal high needs autistic people don’t understand what is going on around them. So…. yeah. I don’t care how well meaning the playwright was. 

The playwright consulted the National Autistic Society and they told him they couldn’t support the play “due to its portrayal of autism, particularly the use of a puppet to depict the autistic character alone.”

But he didn’t change his mind about the puppet.

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/critics-say-new-play-that-uses-a-puppet-to-portray-an-autistic-boy-dehumanises-those-with-the-condition/ar-BBTk5kC

So again - sure, maybe he cares. But he also wasn’t willing to change his vision despite the warnings of the Autism organization that he was hoping would endorse his play. 

2) Of course a puppet isn’t inherently pejorative. For one thing, the autistic community is very positive about Julia, the autistic muppet on Sesame Street.

The outrage involves a lot more nuance than that. First of all, it’s the choice to make the puppet grey and ugly. This was obviously an artistic decision. The first version of the puppet has black hair too and no eyes, just dark sockets like a skull. 

Not exactly Julia.  

And even with that, I was on the fence and willing to wait for the reviews to come out before I made a judgement. 

Like you, I thought perhaps it would be made clear in the play that his puppet-ness and greyness represented lack of agency. And maybe the designer was thinking that way. 

But if that is the case, it does not come across. 

In fact, the reviewers who enjoyed the play repeatedly dismiss the controversy by saying that the play “isn’t really about Laurence.” 

https://www.timeout.com/london/theatre/all-in-a-row-review

“The production is also about the situation, rather than about Laurence himself.“

https://www.thereviewshub.com/all-in-a-row-southwark-playhouse-london/

“sadly the grey-faced puppet adds nothing to the production that a living actor – adult or child – could not have provided.”

I’ve read a LOT of reviews of this play by now. 

Reviews from mothers of autistic children who feel a kinship with the stressed, unhappy, dysfunctional parents. 

Reviews from people without a connection to autism who feel like they learned something. 

Reviews from autistic people and disabled allies who cringe at the ableism. 

None of them - NONE of them - allude to any kind of symbolism or thematic point running through the play which justifies or explains the puppet or its weird appearance.

And the reasons for the puppet given by the playwright, director, and playhouse make very little sense. 

In that promotional video I linked to they say that the puppet can communicate better than an actor could. I disagree. So does a non-verbal autistic mime who commented in the thread below. 

They also say that it allows them to avoid being offensive or stereotypical, which makes little sense because they still had a grown man grunting and flapping on stage, just with a puppet sprouting from his waist. 

They repeatedly argued that they couldn’t use an autistic child, as if acting wasn’t even a thing. They repeatedly argued that a human actor couldn’t do the sounds and movements, even though a human puppeteer was doing just that.

My favourite one was the review (linked above) that argued that “Laurence isn’t a character a person could play (neurotypical or not) as his autism is so particular and at times violent.”

...Has this guy never seen Titus Andronicus? 

A person can play ANYTHING.

On Broadway I have seen human actors play cats, lions, baboons, and witches. 

On multiple occasions a fine-boned actress has been used to play Peter Pan. I’m pretty sure you could cast a small actor to play a pre-teen boy. Then the play wouldn’t have attracted so much negative attention.

As for “writing something a certain way doesn’t mean you approve of it.”

True. 

My fans can tell you that my main character spouts a fair amount of ableism. They’ll also tell you that this flaw is addressed openly and resolved as part of her character arc. 

They’ll ALSO also tell you that the “villains” of my story embrace ableist ideals. So yes, I wrote ableist stuff. But you can tell by the waythese things are framed how the writer wants you to feel about them.

No, I haven’t seen the play because I don’t live in the same country as it and it would take 12 hours to fly there. But I read what people write about it and I draw my own conclusions.

And the fact that ableist jokes are punchlines does not endear me to the playwright or the puppet. 

You say you haven’t read the play, and from the sounds of it you haven’t read many reviews either. 

If you think it’s wrong for me to criticize it after watching all of this unfold over days and days, and reading a dozen reviews by people who loved it and people who hated it, then how is it right for you to defend it?

3) Aw, look at that straw man lying on its side! You did a good job there.

Nowhere in my puppetgate summary do I claim that 100% of autistic people feel the same way.

I was summarizing what has been going down on Twitter over the past two weeks. I know because I was there. Don’t believe me? Actually spendsome time on the puppetgate hashtag and the actuallyautistic hashtag and see what people are saying.

And of course less than 100% of #actuallyautistic people feel the same, but I want to point out that at the time of this writing, my #puppetgate summary post has nearly 11K notes, all of them expressing disgust at the idea of this play.

Autistic people are disgusted. Autism allies are disgusted. Even people with no connection to autism can often see why this is effed up.

Yours was the only message I have received trying to defend the idea of a play featuring a messed up family arguing, discussing bukkake, calling their child a “puppy” using language which results in the play being rated as 16 plus... all in front of their eleven year old…

But what really bothers me is that somehow people come out of there identifying with the parents and thinking that it is “brave” and “honest.” 

They blame autism for what it has done to this family.

THE DAD SHAT ON HIS WIFE’S PILLOW AND BLAMED IT ON HIS OWN SON.

And the really sad thing is that your lonely messages in my inbox didn’t contain a single unique thought. I’ve been seeing those tired excuses and straw man arguments all over twitter for weeks.

They don’t stand up.

I’ve performed in theatre. I was willing to withhold judgement until more details about the play emerged. 

I was hoping they would say something brilliant and profound about what life is like for an eleven year old child with autism who is being sent away because his messed up family can’t stand it any more.

But facts are facts… they didn’t.

All they are doing is telling audience after audience that it is funny to insult your autistic child in his very presence and that autism wrecks marriages.

You can understand why a LOT of autistic people would be a bit sensitive about that kind of message.

It doesn’t have to be everyone.