#that actually have flavours other than flour and sugar

[tallymali]

americans really did go the fuck off with a lot of their food like even something as simple as pb&j..they deserve their knobs gobbled for that

[tealin]

Antarctic Food

Below you will find my account of eating at McMurdo, but PBS did a whole special on it which has more privileged access and, like, moving pictures and stuff. I highly recommend watching that if you're at all interested in the food question.

As other pleasures in life are restricted or eliminated, food gains significance beyond mere nutrition.  When removed from the comforts and diversions of civilisation for months or years at a time, polar explorers had to pay particular attention to the culinary side of their enterprise.  Scott learned this the hard way on the Discovery, when their cook was so bad he was sent home after the first year and others took over his job in shifts.  Shackleton, on his second visit to Antarctica, brought all sorts of tinned delicacies, and left a lot of them behind in his hut at Cape Royds, which the Terra Nova men would raid on day trips from Cape Evans.  Scott was much more careful with his choice of cook on his second expedition, and in his journal he continually praises Clissold's cooking – though Atkinson, writing for a publication he knew no one would read, says that Archer (the ship's cook, who filled in after Clissold was invalided home) was a far superior chef, and made the miserable second winter that much more bearable.

The expeditions of the early 20th Century brought down crates and crates of imperishables – tinned vegetables, powdered milk and eggs, and dry goods like flour, sugar, and tea.  These were necessary, of course, but were ultimately supplemental to the core of their diet, which was the produce of Antarctica itself.  In fact, in a letter laying out contingency plans if the Terra Nova Expedition were stranded in Antarctica, Scott says not to worry for their safety because the continent provides enough food to keep a party happily fed; they would only be wanting the comforts of a civilised menu.  Mostly what the continent provided was seals, whose meat (especially livers) contained enough Vitamin C to stave off scurvy, but penguins and their eggs also regularly passed through the kitchen, and the contents of the marine biologist's net – once properly enumerated and dissected, of course – would often end up in the frying pan.  The Notothenia fish was commonly eaten at breakfast, appreciated for its 'sweet' and 'nutty' flavour. Notothenia’s claim to fame is the sugar in its blood that acts as an antifreeze, so this is hardly a surprise.

Thanks to the Antarctic Treaty forbidding the killing of animals for consumption, modern Antarctic larders are not stocked with local wildlife, and as far as I know, no one down there now has tasted the sweetness of Notothenia.  They do, however, have the advantage of modern transport and food storage, not to mention a century's worth of advances in the study of nutrition, so the diet of the present-day Antarctican is fresher, healthier, and much more diverse.

McMurdo Station's annual food supply arrives in one lump delivery, every January, on a big cargo ship from California.  From the harbour where the Discovery berthed, it goes into climate-controlled storage, either to the dry goods store or to the freezer, which is a whole building off the cafeteria in the main station hub.  A freezer, in Antarctica?  Why, yes, because food safety regulations require frozen food to be kept at a constant temperature, and the only way to ensure that is to build an enormous manmade freezer in the land of ice and snow. In the summer, temperatures at McMurdo will wander around freezing, so this is entirely practical, but for much of the year, it's actually warmer inside the freezer than outside. 

The modern Antarctic commissariat is not entirely divorced from its Edwardian predecessor, though – frozen vegetables taste fresher than tinned, and are more nutritious and palatable, but they are not fresh; powdered milk and powdered eggs are still the status quo.  During the summer, perishable groceries – called 'freshies' – come down on the flights from New Zealand, if there is room after the passengers and equipment are loaded.  After a month of flight cancellations, fresh apples and oranges are greeted with as much delight as they were on the arrival of relief ships in the Heroic Age, and the appearance of a salad bar in the Galley prompts general rejoicing.

The US Antarctic Program has its roots in the Navy, and McMurdo is still provisioned by one of the big firms that supplies the US military.  Having had experience with industrial-scale American catering in California, I had moderate expectations of the quality of food at McMurdo, but it was surprisingly good.  One might argue that the excitement of being there and the daily energy expenditure would be a good sauce for anything, and this may be true, but against this I would argue that dry air impedes one's ability to taste – that fact it was so flavourful at all is significant.  People kept apologising for the food in the Galley and I kept telling them, earnestly, that it was better than the food in the Disney commissary. They didn't believe me, but I firmly attest this; I ate at Disney on my return journey and have confirmed it by direct comparison.  I know they were working with roughly the same quality of ingredients, but the chefs at McMurdo reliably made things delightful to eat, which is more than I can say for the other place.  Why this should be is anyone's guess ... Working as a Galley Rat is one of the few ways enthusiasts can get down to the Ice, so it's full of keen, intelligent, and curious cooks, and maybe that rubs off on the food.  There are people who come back to tackle the unique challenges of Antarctic cuisine year after year, so maybe they're more experienced and invested in the job.  My personal theory is that because they have to eat the food, too, of course they're invested in making it tasty – I suspect the folks behind the counter in LA have much better meals waiting for them when they get home.

Mealtimes follow a strict schedule:

5:30-7:30 Breakfast (many a time I missed the cutoff, woe)

11:00-13:00 Lunch

17:00 to 19:30 Dinner. There was always a portion of the cafeteria serving breakfast food at this time; this was reserved for the night shift workers, who got a reprise of the day shift's dinner for their lunch.  If you really liked whatever was served for dinner, nothing could stop you coming around again for another go at midnight.

The one exception to this was Sunday, when a brunch would be served from 10 to 12.  The service in the chapel started at 10 as well, and was very weak competition.  Brunch was always excellent, and being the single day off, was often where one would meet up with people who were too busy during the week.

If you failed to make a mealtime for any reason, there was always something on offer.  A fridge would be stocked with packaged leftovers, sandwiches, and other food-to-go – when I had a day out, I would eat breakfast and then grab my lunch from this fridge.  On one occasion, dinner included fried okra (one of my faves, rarely had outside the States) and after stuffing myself with it, I nabbed two or three extra portions and cached them in my dorm room mini-fridge to enjoy later. 

In a challenging environment, with a lot of people doing energy-intensive jobs, calories are important.  There was only one rule regulating portions: Take what you want, but eat what you take.  With a finite amount of food on hand, and delivery only once a year, food waste is anathema – if you need it, then eat it, but do not throw any away.

The menu seemed to originate with whatever presented itself in the enormous freezer, though perhaps in November and December it was dictated more by what remained in it, prior to the new shipment.  We didn't suffer for want of variety, though: if anything, we benefited from a surfeit of prawns, including great bowls of them at Sunday brunch.  I found myself wondering if the US military had a contract for most of the catch from the Gulf, and how much of their famously inflated budget went into that; I suspect, in reality, the kitchen just hit a seam of prawn in the recesses of the freezer and had to use it up.  As a devotee of all shapes of sea bug, I was in seventh heaven, and did my level best to help McMurdo clear the surplus. 

Once new food was defrosted and cooked up, it would cascade through various dishes down the week, as leftovers were repurposed to minimise waste.  Usually this was successful, but sometimes they had to try a little harder ... 

A variety of cuisines were offered, some of which were more successful than others. They seemed to reflect the makeup of the US military, for whom the rations would have been designed.  The best dishes were the meat-and-potatoes variety (my minder said that if she were on Death Row, she'd ask for McMurdo Pot Roast for her last meal), Italian, Southern (see above re: okra), and what I assume was Tex Mex – the only misstep on the last count was an almost inedibly hot 'taco soup' which may have been more of a delivery vehicle for leftovers than an intentional dish.  The only disappointments were anything attempting to be Asian, and the fish, which, due to the circumstances, was always overcooked.  Provision was always made for vegetarians and even vegans, but I can't say I noticed many people adhering strictly to those diets.  I suppose if the animals are already dead and in the freezer, there's little difference whether you eat them or not.

There was also, always, pizza.  It was left in one of those tiered heated racks like you get at a buck-a-slice takeaway pizzeria, but this was no buck-a-slice pizza, this was McMurdo pizza, and McMurdo pizza is AMAZING.  My brother-in-law's cousin went to super legit pizza school in Naples, and gets queues down the street wherever he opens a pizzeria.  He makes the best pizza I have ever had anywhere; McMurdo’s wasn't quite as good as his, but it was pretty darn close.  It's a testament to how good the rest of the food was that I didn't just have pizza for every meal.  The pizza kitchen runs 24 hours a day, and takes orders for pickup from all across the base.  If you're flying out to a field camp, it's good manners to take their pizza order and deliver it to them hot and fresh.  For all the advances in food technology since the Heroic Age, surely the greatest has to be the McMurdo Pizza.

We were reminded constantly how important hydration was, and the Galley offered a range of liquids at all hours.  To my surprise, what looked like a soda fountain offered not pop but fruit juice – grapefruit, orange, cranberry, and apple, though one or more often ran out before the end of breakfast.  There were enormous urns of extremely weak coffee – a provision, I supposed, for its diuretic effects – though with 10-hour workdays and very early starts, a little more oomph would have gone a long way.  Experienced hands, and those of discerning tastes, brought their own coffee or sourced it somehow from the stores. The kitchenette in the Crary library was full of people's personal coffee-making supplies as they sought a more effective brew. 

I had been warned that if I liked tea, I should bring my own; this was a sound warning, as the black tea on offer looked and smelled as though it had been on a shelf for about a decade.  What I had not been warned about was that the only 'milk' on hand for one's coffee or tea was, in most places, 'coffee whitener', a ubiquitous Americanism which I'd completely forgotten about (or supressed?) since moving away.  For those who've not had the privilege of its acquaintance, this is a blend of margarine, sugar, synthetic vanilla, and titanium dioxide, rendered into a powder by some unknown chemical process and packaged up to pass for milk.  (I think it might be illegal in Europe.  I've certainly not seen it around.)  The Galley had the base's only dispenser of actual mammalian lactation – reconstituted from powdered, of course.  If I were to go again, I would bring a small bottle to fill there with 'real' milk, which I could take away for tea purposes elsewhere.  There were boxes of UHT milk available for purchase in the shop, and had I been staying longer I might have invested in some, but for just a splash per cuppa, it hardly seemed worthwhile.

The undisputed star of the Galley was the soft serve ice cream dispenser, named Frosty Boy (or Boi), an ancient beast that was such an institution that it was rumoured the USAP had bought another one from a junkyard just for parts.  The Thing to Do was, instead of putting milk or coffee whitener in your coffee, to use a dollop of Frosty Boy instead – I'm not sure which end of the dairy/non-dairy spectrum his product was nearest, but it did go well in the coffee, such as it was.  More often than not while I was there, Frosty Boy exuded only a watery splutter rather than creamy delight – even when he was working, the product was rather gritty – but I was assured he was just going through a phase, and would be right again soon.  I got the impression that if anyone tried replacing the machine with something more reliable, or which produced something more resembling ice cream, there'd be a protest.  We shall see if Frosty Boy survives the station revamp, as the NSF seems keen to scrub out any vestiges of character ...

I have brought two things back from the McMurdo Galley, and they're things that go right back to the beginning: powdered milk and powdered egg.  Even when I'm near a shop with both in fresh form, it's convenient to have the powdered on hand for recipes.  I really only use milk to splash in my tea and coffee, so don't keep a large amount in my fridge, but recipes often call for far more than I have – so instead of making a trip for the extra, I can just mix it up on demand.  I've also taken on the Perpetual Yoghurt: McMurdo makes its own yoghurt from its vast reserves of powdered milk, using a bit of the last batch to inoculate the next, and it turns out this is perfectly doable at home, too.  Eggs eaten as eggs are better fresh, of course, but when providing structure in a recipe, no one's going to notice if they've been reconstituted, and then I can save my 'real' eggs for when they'll be appreciated. It's a good system, and economical, too.  Alas, the pizza isn't as easy to replicate at home ... 

For more information on McMurdo food – The Antarctic Sun newsletter put out this podcast: https://antarcticsun.usap.gov/features/4329/ I didn't mention how good the desserts were; I was lucky enough to share my time at McMurdo with Rose McAdoo, who was featured in this story on NPR: https://text.npr.org/779463164

[silkwhim]

staple desert culture cuisine

ensthirs originate in desert regions of their planet, and over thousands of years have cultivated a wide selection of foods and treats that are both easily available in their environment, and are a delight to consume.

(long post)

Bahn juice

Bahn is a common fruit, it's large, watery and appetizing but protected by their thick shell, something like a combination of a coconut and watermelon. The flesh inside lines the shell in sections, and the hollow cavity in the middle is filled with a cold, sweet juice, which can be mixed with many other ingredients but can be served fresh and is often drank straight from the shell. It appears clear and green when still, but gains a thick white froth when shaken. The taste is comparable to earth sugar cane juice.

Bahn meat (in kebab form, for this presentation)

Despite all appearances, and the name, this meat is not from an animal but from the aforementioned bahn fruit. The sections of this fruit are eaten in many ways, but it's still delectable plain and fresh. The texture and flavour is closest to mangosteens - very soft, very juicy, and very sweet in its own unique way. It's a flavour you wouldn't want to forget.

Ce Bread

Ce (chee) is a hardy grain, purple in colour, that withstand any environmental challenge thrown at it and can proliferate throughout both wet and dry seasons. Plain ce lacks a distict strong flavour, meaning it pairs well with other foods, placing it as a staple in most diets. It is the ensthirs equivalent of rice or wheat. Ground dry ce can be mixed with liquids and then baked, like this bread, but it can be cooked in many other ways which drastically change its composition and flavour.

Ce cookies

Another use of ce, these cookies are a common tradition that mean more than just a sweet treat. Ce cookies must be crafted together by family members, often between parent and child or siblings, it is a way to strengthen bonds. This can be to show forgiveness, express love and loyalty, or simply be a fun experience before dinner. Before being baked, a pattern, symbol or shape is carved into the top, such as these sun designs which are believed to bring good luck. Ce cookies are a popular choice of offering at religious events, or simply as a gift for new neighbours.

Sticky ce bun

Slightly sweeter than che cookies, ce buns are an extra special treat, but are not generally reserved for any noteworthy occassions. Ce buns are made with very few ingredients: ce flour and water are used for the bun itself, and the stuffing is ce that has been boiled then cut up and mixed with a liquid similar to syrup or honey. When boiled, ce expands three times its original size and becomes soft and chewy, a consistency and texture similar to tapioca pearls used for boba. As a final step, the filled bun is wrapped in bahn leaves and steamed, which gives it the sticky affect and enhances the flavour.

Soup..

Ensthir soups can be made of just about anything, the range is incredible, but this one seems to have a broth of some bright purple plant, with an addition of various roots and tubers to finish it off. The serving dish of choice is a clay pot decorated with easily accessible paints and dyes, making a simple dot and sun pattern.

Lizard tail

Obviously not from an actual lizard, but close enough. Like most animals that share a planet with ensthirs, this creature used their tail as an extra fat storage, making it a better alternative to eating more meat and getting the same amount of fat. This tail has been cooked, but this is usually only for longetivity as ensthirs still possess the necessary enzymes for properly digesting raw meat (without contracting some mysterious disease.. most of the time).

Jerky

A common meal staple in the dry season when food is less readily available, slices of meat are salted and dried then put into storage until they are needed. Meat jerky is not widely disliked, but it is also not loved by many and doesn't have an important role in ensthir culture other than survival.

Dried berries

The vegan alternative to meat jerky, berries are also dried and stored until dry season but are used as more of a snack or side serving than the main course. Certain berries may turn out to be sweet or sour when aged, or perhaps earthy or downright bad, so an ensthir must choose their tiny fruits carefully when foraging. Families pass down knowledge of what the tastiest berries look like, and young ensthirs will make a challenge to find the best ones first when wet season comes to a close and stores must be stocked up.

would u eat any?!?!

Read more in the second post I reached my mobile image limit 😓😓

[sophia-sol]

one.

I made a baby quilt! entirely myself, from start to finish, and it's a whole-ass quilt and it looks so good and I'm SO proud of myself. the quilt is for the new baby in my house, belonging to two of my housemates, and I hope baby will get much love and warmth from it over the years.

two.

always so funny when an incident in your history was a deeply important growth and learning moment for you, and the other person doesn't remember it at all!

(the time when I was about 20 and my partner's parents invited us to go to a museum exhibit with them but I didn't think it sounded like an interesting exhibit, and my partner broke it down for me how SOMETIMES people ask you if you want to do a thing but there are UNSPOKEN MESSAGES in that ask, and the meaning of the request isn't actually found in the literal interpretation of the words. my autistic ass: 🤯 )

three.

last week my zoom theatre group did Glass Onion and I played peak asshole idiot Miles Bron and it was SO fun. one of the things I have learned from zeatre over the years is that I have so much fun playing characters who are out of touch and overconfident!

four.

I make a pie for Pi Day every year because it's a good excuse for pie, and hot damn, the pie I made this year was even better than I thought it would be, and I had high expectations!

the recipe: Bon Appetit's extremadura almond pie

The filling is like a custardy marzipan with a thin layer of like chewy meringuey caramelized sugar on the top, and it's amaaaaazing

The pie is excellent on its own, but with its richness and sweetness, I think it would pair very well with a tart fruit sauce like sour cherry, which would take it to the next level. It would also be great with orange zest in the filling.

I didn't put in the optional almond extract, and found that the almond flour gave it plenty of flavour on its own. I also used my own standard pie crust recipe.

Highly recommend this pie experience. Fair warning though. it WILL take longer to bake than it says it will.

five.

just getting emotional again about the TGCF line where Xie Lian says that until he met Hua Cheng he didn't know what a simple thing it is to be happy 😭

[raju1994blog-blog]

Indian Street Food: Weight Management-Friendly Choices

Did someone say street food for weight management? This isn’t a joke! Indians and their obsession with street food are not hidden from anyone. So, when it comes to managing your weight, the first thing that people stop eating is street food. But do you know street food does not always consist of junk and oily options? 

Once you start exploring the market then you will find there are certain options that you can consider even when trying to lose weight healthily. Those are steamed and full of vegetables and there are even other healthier options that can assist in shedding off those extra kilograms. 

The nutrient content in them can actually be beneficial for your metabolism as well as for your body. However, you need to be very particular in selecting these food items and first know about them properly before consuming them. And make sure to check on the hygiene part when eating them. 

So, we have put down a list of food items that can make your healthy weight-loss journey a little easier. Also, chewing weight loss gummies can be beneficial in boosting your metabolism. 

Scroll down to know more about the street foods that you can go for even when trying to lose weight…

1. Fresh Fruit Chaat Fresh fruit chaat is a refreshing and healthy street food option that can satisfy your sweet cravings while aiding in weight management. It is a mix of seasonal fruits like papaya, pomegranate, apple, and banana, sprinkled with a tangy and spicy seasoning made from chaat masala and lemon juice. 

The natural sugars in fruits provide energy, and the fibre content helps in digestion and keeping you full. This guilt-free treat is packed with essential nutrients and antioxidants.

2. Dhokla Dhokla is a popular Gujarati snack made from a fermented batter of chickpea flour (besan) and flavoured with spices like mustard seeds and curry leaves. It is steamed rather than fried, making it a healthier alternative to deep-fried snacks. Dhokla is low in calories and high in protein and fibre, which assists in healthy weight loss. You can pair it with a side of mint or coriander chutney for added flavour. Consuming weight loss gummies which have natural ingredients can add a boost to the weight loss process. 

3. Sprouts Chaat

Sprouts chaat is a nutritious and filling street food made from a combination of sprouted lentils, such as moong beans or chickpeas, mixed with chopped vegetables like onions, tomatoes, and cucumbers. It is seasoned with spices like chaat masala and lemon juice. Sprouts are a great source of protein and fibre, making this chaat a healthy choice for weight management.

4. Bhel Puri

Bhel puri is a popular street food snack made with puffed rice, chopped onions, tomatoes, boiled potatoes, and tangy tamarind chutney. It is typically garnished with fresh cilantro and sev (crispy fried noodles). Bhel puri is low in calories and provides a good balance of carbohydrates, protein, and fibre. Opt for a moderate amount of chutney and sev to keep the dish lighter.

5. Idli

Made with rice and lentils, Idli is a popular snack option in South India. It is light, low in calories, and easily digestible. Idlis are made from a fermented batter of rice and urad dal and are served with coconut chutney and sambar. The fermentation process enhances the nutritional value and makes it easier for the body to absorb the nutrients.

6. Roasted Corn

Roasted corn on the cob is a simple yet satisfying street food option that can be a part of a healthy weight loss plan. Corn is a good source of fibre and contains various vitamins and minerals. Choose the corn that is roasted without excessive butter or salt. Squeeze some lemon juice and sprinkle a pinch of chaat masala for added flavour.

7. Moong Dal Chilla Moong dal chilla is a savoury pancake made from ground moong dal mixed with spices and herbs. It is cooked with minimal oil. Moong dal is rich in protein and fibre, which helps in keeping you satiated. Pair it with mint chutney or low-fat yoghurt for added flavour.

In Brief

Contrary to popular belief, not all Indian street foods are unhealthy for weight management. By making smart choices and opting for grilled, baked, or steamed options instead of deep-fried ones, you can enjoy the flavours of Indian street food while supporting your healthy weight loss goals. 

Consuming the above-provided street foods can provide essential nutrients, fibre, and protein while keeping calorie intake in check. In addition to doing this, you can give a try on weight loss gummies. Our “The Beach Body” gummies help in boosting the rate of your metabolism, contributing to healthier management of your weight. 

Filled with the goodness of Green Coffee, Garcinia Cambogia Extract, L-Carnitine, and Vitamin C, the gummies also assist with the biosynthesis of collagen. These tasty orange-twist-flavoured gummies have to be taken two every day to reap the maximum benefits.

[heeeraldo]

people want recipes, I guess

so following up on the ol' food crimes post I feel like I should specify two things:

my ideal crime is, like, correct on a technical level but just a little upsetting (or more than a little, maybe)

half of those recipes weren't crimes, really.

with that out of the way, let's recipe!

definitely not a crime. these started out as a smitten kitchen recipe, with the following changes:

add a tablespoon or two of malted milk ovaltine to your butter after it melts but before it browns so that it (also) gets toasty.

when your butter has browned to your liking, turn down the heat and add two tablespoons of bourbon or rum or other not-smoky whiskey. allow the alcohol to cook off before proceeding.

add half a teaspoon of cinnamon to the bourbon-butter mixture before adding the marshmallows

melt the marshmallows on medium-low, to avoid breaking down the gelatinous in a way that causes them to lose their bounciness

use a 2:1 ratio of Rice Krispies to cinnamon toast crunch minis for your cereal.

also not a crime. here's a PDF of the recipe, from the "fabulous modern cookies" book. you'll need a thermometer. we didn't have dark corn syrup so I used british golden syrup (which I bought years ago for reasons I don't recall) and it worked out fine?

if you're wondering "why" all I can really say is that you should hold questions until the end. anyway: I've had a passing familiarity with the japanese confection kohakutou for a while but hadn't actually made it. I found a tutorial and a source for horchata flavoured extract and also stirred in powdered cinnamon (for versimilitude) and a little edible glitter (for flair). This one you'll want to make a couple days in advance (at least) so it has time to dry out and develop the crystallized sugar layer on the outside of the jellies.

honestly I was expecting this to be received with more, uh, general dismay but people seemed pleasantly surprised than anything.

I started with an NYT basque cheesecake square recipe but I didn't think there'd be quite enough demand for a whole 9x13 pan's worth so I halved the recipe and baked it in an 8x8 pan (big ups to this king arthur flour guide.) from there, i made the following changes:

in the crust, I swapped the graham crackers for low-sodium ritz, and added a couple teaspoons of everything bagel spice. I also left out the sugar.

in the batter, I halved the sugar, added a teaspoon each of garlic and onion powders, along with a teaspoon of sesame oil. I split the batter up and added everything spice to 2/3rds of it and poured it on to the crust first, the remaining 1/3rd I spooned on top partially to prevent the 500-degree baking temperature from burning anything that might have floated to the top but also to further the ruse that it was a perfectly regular plain cheesecake.

if you've made it this far, thanks for reading! tune in next time when I dig up the photo of neapolitan mashed potatoes and use it as a way to complain about caramelizing onions.

[joosss]

turns out i'm a watch collector, which was not the old man hobby i was after.

not wanky pretentious watches though, smartwatches from a company that went out of business half a decade ago, so i'm not that bourgeois

anyway, preheat your oven to 160 degrees celcius

melt 57g of butter (margarine does work pretty well for these though)

mix the melted butter into 33g of sugar, then add 73g of flour. only add half of the flour first, about 36g, mix that in, then add the other 37g and mix that.

for the second half of the flour, you'll have to knead it in after a bit to make a semi-dry dough, not actually unpleasant to hold

take about a tablespoon worth of dough and put it onto a baking tray, until you have no more dough. there should be 8.

bake for 18 minutes, and around half way through that, turn your tray around so they bake more evenly.

if you want chocolate ones, replace the 73g flour with about 25g of flour and 45g cocoa powder. this might be a bit dryer than the others, and have a very bitter dark chocolate flavour, but i like it.

I'd recommend melting the butter in a mug, inside a bowl filled with boiled water. To melt it faster, you'll want to swap out the water for some newly-boiled as it cools.

[sulla-slays-cronulla]

Pomegranate-Pistachio Van Houten Cake

Very rich, heavy chocolate cake. It was improv first time round, based on the Hershey’s choc cake basic recipe, next time I think more liquids. Just unsure what or how that will affect baking, which took 84 minutes. Crazy. Baked in two trays covered with foil, stacked atop each other, at 160C. So the temp and time would change as well. I switched the tiers every 18 or so minutes. 

Requires two water-tight baking dishes - just used wax paper, no need to butter up. 

Measured the mixing bowl first, then measured final batter. Subtracted bowl weight and divided by two to get the even weight for each tier. 

Dry - largest bowl

1 cup wholemeal and 3/4 cup plain flour

100 g blitzed pistachio

3/4 cup cocoa powder, unsweetened. 1.5 tsp baking soda and baking powder, hefty pinch salt. I have literally no idea what I’m doing with raising agents and the recipe was too complicated to figure it out from chemical-math-scratch. 

Wet - bowl. ‘Whisk’ wet into dry once mixed. 

(you cannot actually whisk, way too thick)

1 egg + 1 yolk

1/2 cup olive oil 

vanilla

200g warm sour cream (this should be 240g but the packet was only 200g. So.)

4-5tbsp jam - pomegranate and raspberry

6-8 tbsp pomegranate molasses

Prepare in mugs aside to pour into main batter while oven is preheating:

250g fresh pomegranate, melt in saucepan or microwave ~mins. Add 1.5 tbsp honey. Option to strain the liquid but this depends on your health & texture preferences. Felt more authentic with the full fruit. - hot

2tbsp coffee powder in 250ml of pistachio milk - hot

(Using the milk instead of boiling water makes a much thicker batter. One option is to increase the pomegranate juice proportion, as opposed to a) adding an egg white or b) adding sour cream

Next Day! Because I finished angrily checking baked-ness until 1 in the krupping morning. 

Decor: Powerberry Fig Cream Cheese Filling and Pomegranate Ganche

Get your chilled tiers out. 

Make your syrup. 

This is 3/4 of a tiny bottle of powerberry juice reduced with 3 large, chopped dry figs. It takes around half an hour, transfer it to a glass and chill for a few minutes in freezer immediately after. There shouldn’t be any ‘liquidity’ surviving, this is the appearance: 

Get half a pack of philly cream cheese (I think that’s approx 115g)  to room temperature with 2-3 tablespoons of very cold full cream milk. Whip well, until fairly soft and fluffy but eh, who cares, cakes will squish it anyway. Mix 2 tbsp of the berry-fig syrup into the cheese, quick whip with hand mixer to even out. Spread across cake with dollops of more syrup atop. 

I am the miracle worker that manages to choose the smaller of the baked cake halves to be on the bottom. Sigh. 

Anyway, the next step is ganache which should be left to personal style. I wanted chonky. 

Melted 4 tiny Green & Blacks 85% choco bars in some coconut oil, adding 1 tsp pomegranate molasses (or half? don’t know), honey (1/2 tbsp), jam (1.5tbsp), more cocoa powder (tbsp) to even out the icky sharp commercial sugar taste, and finally high quality butter 1.5 lady thumb chunk for the very best sheen and edge of flavour. 

Used microwave (low) to melt it, stirring consistently in between blasts because apparently it’s more convenient to risk radiated food than to clean a pot and glass dish. Pour over cake. Jiggle to even out. This is a thick one so it wont be shiny or waterfall down the edges. 

See ganache and filling width. 

The cream cheese core is particularly good, so next time, if fancy enough to pipe, I would use some to decorate the top as well. 

[wholesomebellies]

Chickpea chocolate chip Cookies

Okay, so these biscuits may sound strange, but trust me, they are a huge hit every time I make them.

And the best part, no one suspects they are loaded with chickpeas. They are so easy to make, have only a few ingredients and honestly, they’re a sweet treat you can enjoy totally guilt-free.

 You must try them. You’ll be totally shocked at the result. 100% whole ingredients too. And so many variations possible. Chickpeas are tiny little legumes that originated from India. They are packed with protein, making them a complete source of vegetarian & vegan protein.

Prep time: 15 minutes

Cook time: 15 minutes

Total time: 30 minutes

Serves: Makes approx 15 biscuits!

Ingredients

1 cup of drained and rinsed chickpeas (can) – be sure to rinse them well

1 cup plain flour – you can use wholemeal or spelt. Even a GF flour will work

½ cup coconut sugar – you can use any sweetener of your choice .

1 teaspoon vanilla extract – be sure to use good quality vanilla, not essence

4 tablespoons 100% pure almond butter – can substitute for any nut butter, peanut butter is great too

½ teaspoon baking powder – necessary to get them nice and fluffy

½ cup choc chips – optional (but totally a yes from me!)

Method

Preheat oven at 180 degrees and line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.

Place all ingredients in a food processor and blend until you form a cookie dough. Once blended

Move to a bowl and mix in by hand the chocolate chips.

Form cookies by taking a small piece of dough and shaping it – then pressing down with a fork.

Bake in the oven for 10 to 15 minutes.

Allow cooling before serving and enjoy!

Equipment you Need

Large mixing bowl

Baking tray

Baking Paper or silicone mat

Mixing spoon

Measuring Cups

Cooling rack

Food processor (if you don’t have one mash chickpeas with a potato masher

Chickpeas are an incredibly great ingredient, and being a high-protein food, they can add a lot of nutritional value to your favorite dishes. Especially for kids, they’ll be none the wiser that their cookie treat is actually healthy.  Chickpeas contain 16g of protein per cup, along with virtually no fat. Now you know what to add to your food if you’re looking for a quality source of protein. Also, they’re high in fiber, potassium, and folate, making them good for your health as well. Chickpeas are an excellent source of protein, containing more grams per cup than both cooked beans and meat. Chickpeas are also rich in fiber, and 100 calories of chickpeas will help you feel full longer 

In this recipe we swap out butter for peanut butter making it vegan friendly too! Peanut butter contains protein, monounsaturated fats, fibre, and Vitamin E. This makes it a great alternative to butter or margarine in these cookies, as it has similar binding properties and they will hold together well.

You can also make this recipe with macadamia butter, or substitute any other kind of nut butter. And if you want to add some fruit flavour, try adding sultanas or cranberries.

To learn how to make recipes like this and more check out our huge range of vegan cooking classes in Brisbane.  Our vegan cooking school has so many classes and recipes where we can guide you toward a  healthy, plant-based diet.

Frequently Asked Questions

How many biscuits does the recipe make?

The recipe makes approximately  12 to 15 biscuits.

How long will they last?

The biscuits should last up to two weeks if kept in an airtight container or jar with a lid.

Can you store them in the freezer?

Absolutely.  You can freeze them for up to three months. Make sure they’ve cooked down and then place them in an airtight container. Before enjoying them let them thaw out at room temperature.

[friedcheesecakedestiny]

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[vhenadahls]

screw your courage to the sticking-place

Phryne is determined to make Jack’s birthday special, no matter how many times she has to try to make a cake. The process leads to a revelation and a declaration.

E, 6500 words.

AO3 link in first reblog!

The kitchen is a lot more daunting when she’s supposed to do something. The table looks a mile wide, and the baking implements strewn across it more akin to torture devices. Phryne picks up a whisk, rotating it slowly in one hand as she stares.

“Miss, you don’t have to do this.” Mr. Butler’s voice is kind and even, as always, without a hint of judgment. “The Inspector will be pleased that you’re hosting a small party for him, and with your other gifts. It won’t matter if you made the cake yourself.”

“No.” Phryne shakes her head. “Well, you’re probably not wrong. But I said I’d do this, and I’m going to do it.” She sets down the whisk and picks up the apron he’s draped over a chair for her. The knot at the back poses a challenge for just a moment, but she gets it tied and picks up her whisk again.

“So, Mr. Butler! I am yours to command.” Posing dramatically with a baking whisk might be silly, but she does it anyway, holding it like a sceptre of rank.

He laughs lightly, gesturing with one hand to the ingredients and utensils organized neatly across the table. “I thought we’d try a chocolate cake recipe I’ve made many times. I’ve pulled out most of the ingredients already, except what’s still in the refrigerator. We'll start by reading the recipe, then going over the ingredients, and then I'll walk you through it." He taps the open page of the cookbook on the edge of the table.

The left-side page starts with maple filling. She skips that - they’re making chocolate cake - and skims the next section. Directions for making chocolate cake. Perfect.

Melt chocolate in double boiler. Melting, that makes sense, even if she isn’t sure what a double boiler might be. Measure and sift flour as many times as you would for white and yellow cake.

What?

“Um, Mr. Butler.” Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Turning back from the refrigerator, he gestures at the book again. “It’s all right. You’ve done much more complicated things than baking this cake. No need to worry.”

Once his head’s in the refrigerator again, she turns back to the book, running a finger under each line. They’re all English, all words she knows, but these are not combinations of words she’s ever put together. A scant cup of butter - cut into particles? Creamed butter? Salt, in a cake? At least “level teaspoon” makes some sense, though she isn’t sure whether the measure is “a spoon used for tea” or something else entirely.

Mr. Butler turns away from the refrigerator again, setting three eggs on the table. Towards the middle, she notices, where hopefully she won’t knock them onto the floor. “Now, see here,” he points to the ingredients list in the cookbook, “it says ‘eggs beaten separately.’”

“I assume that means separating the whites and yolks.” Phryne reaches out to pick up one of the eggs, then thinks better of it when Mr. Butler’s hand hovers nearby. “Though I have no idea how one would do such a thing.”

“I’ll show you. And the rest of the ingredients should make plenty of sense - flour, sugar, butter, salt. You know those.”

“Actually,” she picks up the container of salt from the forest of ingredients, “I don’t understand why anyone would put salt in a cake. Don’t we want it to be sweet?”

“Of course.” Mr. Butler points at the cookbook again, at the listing for the salt. “Salt enhances the flavour of whatever you’re baking, even sweet things. It’s only a teaspoon in this recipe, because you don’t need very much in a cake like this. But it will make it a lot better than if we hadn’t used it.”

Phryne sets the salt back on the table. “I knew I’d be learning today, but I had no idea how much.”

With a soft smile, Mr. Butler hands her the jar of flour. “So! The main ingredients for your cake are, of course, the chocolate, the flour, milk, eggs, and butter. The butter’s still in the refrigerator, since we want it to stay as cold as possible. We also have the salt, as you noted, some vanilla to mix with the chocolate, and baking powder, which will help the cake rise when it bakes so it’s not flat as rubber.”

“This all sounds so simple when you put it that way, Mr. Butler.” Popping the clasp on the flour jar, Phryne sets it back on the table and reaches for a stack of measuring cups. “How much do I need?”

He reads out the quantities to her and shows her how to sift the flour and baking powder together, then steps over to the stove to melt the chocolate. The sifting itself is simple, but trying not to go too fast and puff flour all over the kitchen is somewhat harder, what with how boringly repetitive the task is. While sifting with one hand, Phryne assembles the rest of her ingredients with her other hand, lining up the salt, sugar, the jar of milk, the eggs.

Once she’s sifted the flour four times, Mr. Butler walks her through separating the eggs and beating the yolks lightly with the whisk she’d grabbed earlier. Then it’s time for the electric mixer he’s so proud of, which he won’t let her use. He effortlessly creams (why is it called creaming, she wonders to herself) the butter while still keeping an eye on the chocolate. She mixes sugar into the egg yolks, then adds the butter while Mr. Butler beats the egg whites in another bowl.

Phryne keeps stirring while Mr. Butler pours ingredients in from alternating bowls: the flour mixture, then the egg whites, then flour again. When both bowls are empty, he pours the chocolate in. It all comes together in a lovely batter, smooth and dark and creamy like she thinks you’d expect from something called chocolate cream cake. Once the chocolate is fully mixed in, Mr. Butler runs a finger over the edge of the bowl and pops it into his mouth with a silly wink that makes her laugh. But as soon as he tastes the batter, his nose wrinkles in disgust.

“Mr. Butler?”

Taking a glass from the cupboard, he pours some of the leftover milk and takes a sip. “I think you may have used salt instead of sugar, Miss Fisher. Unfortunately we’ll have to bin that one and try again.”

Trying not to groan aloud, Phryne nods. “I suppose I can’t expect to be good at baking on the first try.” She tries not to visibly pout.

While he dumps out the foul batter and washes out the bowls, she goes back over the recipe and the ingredients, purposefully putting the sugar and the salt on opposite ends of the table. She’s not going to make that mistake again.

—--

The doorbell echoes inside, as it always does. Jack’s stood on this stoop more times than he can count. Especially lately.

It’s unusual that he has to wait long for someone to answer the door. Usually Mr. Butler, but sometimes Dot (or Jane, when she’s home), or sometimes even Miss Fisher herself. But today he’s still waiting, though he knows at this time more than one person should be in the house.

Nerves building in his chest, he walks back to the footpath and around to the alleyway. The kitchen door is closed and the curtains are drawn, so he knocks, solid and loud (“that policeman’s knock,” Rosie called it once - ever since she said it, he’s tried to temper it, but it comes out when he’s nervous).

The door opens almost immediately, Mr. Butler standing on the other side. “Inspector! I apologize if you rang the bell and I didn’t notice, I -”

“Jack!” Miss Fisher barrels into view from behind Mr. Butler, nudging him out of the way and stepping into the alleyway. She closes the door behind her, and when she turns back Jack notices a streak of chocolate on her cheek and - he does a double take - a batter-covered whisk in her hand. And a flour-streaked apron wrapped around her. “I didn’t know you were coming. We were just -”

“Baking?” He rests two fingers on her cheek just under the chocolate, a small smile on his face. It’s incongruous, thinking of her doing something as domestic as baking, but the mental image of her trying is more than endearing.

“Oh no,” she starts, and even if it weren’t obvious he’d know she was lying. Her voice still pitches higher when she tries to lie to him, and he knows she knows (and that she knows he knows), so he lets her keep going. “There’s just something strange going on with…the cooker! Mr. Butler needed a hand, and I’m the only one home. We’re almost finished, so I’ll have Mr. Butler open the front door for you and you can wait in the parlour if you’d like?”

“If something’s gone wrong, I could help Mr. Butler figure it out?” Jack plays along with the lie. “Not that you haven’t been a great help, I’m sure. But three heads might make it go faster.”

Miss Fisher drops her chin and tilts her head, looking up at him from under her excessive eyelashes. An expression he’s seen many times, one that’s almost guaranteed to get her whatever she’s asking for. He’s still always glad to see it.

Realizing she’s talking and he’s missed something, he tries to piece together the conversation. When he catches up, she’s saying, “-just take a seat in the parlour and I’ll be with you shortly.” Without another word she leans up on her toes and kisses him, then gives a cheeky smile and slips back through the kitchen door, so quickly he doesn’t get a look inside.

While he’s still blinking in confusion, Mr. Butler steps out, again closing the door behind him. “Miss Fisher asked me to walk you back to the front and let you inside. I apologize for the inconvenience, Inspector.”

Jack follows him, trying to look through the blue gingham curtains as he walks past the window. He can see a sliver of the kitchen beyond, but not enough of it to make out more than the fact that Phryne’s baking something. Something that includes chocolate.

Once ensconced in the parlour, he strains to hear whatever’s going on in the kitchen without walking into the dining room where he’ll be visible. But all he can hear is the low murmur of familiar voices and the lilt of familiar laughter.

That’s enough, though. He’ll find out soon enough whatever it is she’s working on. The birthday party she’s throwing for him is tomorrow, after all. No amount of trying had been able to convince her that a man his age didn’t need a birthday party, and at this point he’s somewhat looking forward to it. Or, at least, to time with her around people they don’t have to hide around.

—--

This cake comes out flat as a board.

Mr. Butler had tasted the batter, declared it good. Phryne had felt so proud, conquering this skill that’s always been the purview of others. “Apparently I can find different mistakes,” she mumbles under her breath, and the weight of Mr. Butler’s hand drops onto her shoulder.

“Everyone who’s baked has made these kinds of mistakes. You’re not the only one, not at all. This looks like you left out the baking powder - might have put in an extra measure of salt or sugar instead.”

It’s supposed to be comforting, but reminders of the things she can’t do rarely are. She grits her teeth, pulling the cookbook towards her. “Hopefully the third try’s the charm.”

He shakes his head. “We can’t today, Miss, there isn’t enough milk left. But we can bake another tomorrow morning, before the party. We’ll get it right.”

She sighs. “Perhaps.” Glancing over the kitchen, she winces - it looks like a cyclone’s been through. “I can help you clean up.”

“No, no, don’t worry.” He’s already organizing the ingredients left on the table. “You go talk to the Inspector.”

Not needing to be told twice, Phryne fumbles behind her for the apron strings, pulling it off over her head when the knot’s undone and escaping the kitchen. She detours up to her room, wiping the chocolate and flour and other residue off her skin and reapplying her makeup. When she steps into the parlour and Jack looks up and pats the sofa next to him, appreciation on his face, all her frustration melts away. That’s why she’s trying her hand at baking - to elicit as many of those wonderful smiles as she can. The smiles - and the man - she’s come to love.

Love. The nonchalance of the thought stops her in her tracks. It’s not the first time she’s thought it. He’s said it, but infrequently (he knows her so well, it’s probably to avoid scaring her away). And she’s come close. But it’s still a step that scares her, a step she wasn’t confident she’d ever be ready to take again. Not after Paris, after René. After her parents.

“Miss Fisher?” His low voice threads its way into her thoughts, unspooling the tension that had begun to grow again, as he always does. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine.” She drops onto the sofa next to him, pouring whisky into two glasses from the decanter on the table. Pulling her legs up under her, she offers him one of the glasses.

He takes it but doesn’t immediately drink, rolling his wrist and turning the glass with it. “Is everything all right with the cooker?” His voice is light, betraying nothing, but when he looks up from the glass his eyes are twinkling with unvoiced laughter.

“The cooker?” Why on earth is he asking about the cooker? She’s been - ah. The lie she told to explain why she was working in the kitchen and wouldn’t let him in. Which he clearly knows is a lie, and is waiting to see how long she’ll keep it up.

Two can play at that game.

“Oh, yes, the cooker!” She takes a sip of whisky, keeping her eyes on his, and he doesn’t break the stare. “It seems to be working well enough now. Mr. Butler clearly knows what he’s doing, he just needed an extra pair of hands. I don’t really understand any of what I did; you’d have to ask him.”

“I may just do that,” Jack says, and Phryne has to suppress a laugh. Chuckling himself, he drapes his left arm across the back of the sofa and she leans into his side. “Will you at least tell me tomorrow?”

“What’s there to tell?” she asks, affecting innocence as best she can, and his chuckles escalate into full laughter. Shifting slightly, she leans up to press her lips to his, reveling in the abrupt change from laughter to that delicious moan deep in his throat.

“Phryne,” he breathes, breaking the kiss, voice hoarse and eyes dark. Smirking, she kisses him again, tracing her tongue over his bottom lip.

—--

Jack doesn’t stay the night. He wants to, and everyone who will be at the party already knows that he spends much of his time at Wardlow, but it seems like a better idea to come from home. The party’s scheduled to start at four, so he leaves home with enough time to arrive by half three - but, knowing who’s coming, he’s not sure half the guests will show up anywhere close to on time.

He doesn’t even have to ring the bell this time. Miss Fisher flings the door open as soon as he steps up onto the stoop, as if she’d been watching from the parlour window. “Jack!” she cries, and he couldn’t help his smile even if he cared to. She pulls him inside, and as soon as the door’s closed behind him he leans down to kiss her. Her smile is evident in the kiss, too, and he wraps one arm around her waist.

“Happy birthday,” she murmurs against his lips, and it sends a shiver down his spine that he’d love to give in to. Stepping back away from him, she gives him a filthy look that promises more, and his mind goes completely blank.

“Inspector!” Another familiar voice, from behind Miss Fisher, breaks into his thoughts and starts them up again. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. Good to see you. And, um, happy birthday.”

He leans to the side to find Mrs. Collins - it’s taken a surprising amount of time to get used to calling her that - standing in the doorway to the dining room, holding a tray of glasses clearly intended for the parlour. Jack blinks at her for a moment, feeling like an owl in daylight, until he gets his bearings back under him.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Collins. Thank you. I hope it hasn’t been too much trouble to get everything set up for the party.” It still feels odd, to know they’re setting up a party for his benefit.

“Not at all!” She’s still just as sweet as she’s always been, and he’s glad again that Miss Fisher came home and put her household back to rights. Not just for himself. “It’s always a pleasure, Inspector.”

When she steps into the parlour with her tray, Jack realizes that Miss Fisher’s no longer standing on his other side. He casts around for a moment before finding her, emerging from the door on the far end of the dining room. She’s carrying another tray herself: a platter full of sandwiches, which she places gently in the middle of the low table in the middle of the parlour. Pride of place - odd, for sandwiches. But at a second glance, he realizes the sandwiches are all a little cockeyed, the arrangement on the plate a little less than perfectly symmetrical, one or two already looking slightly soggy from the mustard pickle he can see peeking out of a few. It hits him like a ton of bricks.

“Phryne,” he starts, low and under his breath, and her head snaps towards him a little too quickly - it’s still not often he uses her first name when they’re not fully alone. “Did you make these yourself? For me?” 

Even through her makeup, he can see the faint tinge of a blush redden her cheeks. “I did. Ham, cheese, and mustard pickle.” 

“A particular favorite.” When she nods, he reaches out and grabs one of her hands, pulling it towards him. He presses a kiss to the back of it - a real kiss, not the vague gesture of greeting for someone of her station - and squeezes it in his own. “Thank you, Phryne.” It’s not the first time she’s gone out of her way to make sure he has an enjoyable experience, but to do so with her own two hands - it’s a lot. In a good way.

That cheeky grin will be the death of him. All traces of blushing gone, she dips her head. “Of course, Inspector.” She sweeps back out of the parlour, sashaying in a way definitely intended to catch his attention - not that she’d ever lost it - and he can barely hold in a laugh. Who would have thought, in London, that they would end up here. Together. At his birthday party, in her house. With her making his favorite sandwiches for him.

The doorbell rings and there’s a commotion in the kitchen at the same time. When neither Mr. Butler nor Mrs. Collins appears to open the front door, Jack stands and warily steps towards the door. Hopefully it’s one of the party guests, who will expect him in the house, and not…whoever else might be attempting to meet with Miss Fisher on a random Saturday in June.

The bell rings again as he reaches the door, and he decides it’s almost certainly one of the party guests. Pulling open the door, he finds Dr. MacMillan on the other side, hand raising to knock as well.

“Impatient, are we?” Jack asks, and she glares at him from under the brim of her hat.

“You’d know,” she quips, teasing, with a pointed glance up the stairs to where Phryne’s bedroom lies. She steps past him with a laugh while he tries to control the heat in his cheeks. Hanging her hat on the rack, she breezes through the dining room toward the kitchen, perfectly at home.

He can hear Miss Fisher’s delighted “Mac!” as he returns to his seat in the parlour.

Guests continue to trickle in, once the others have all joined him in the parlour. Most of them are friends and acquaintances he’s met through Miss Fisher - Dr. MacMillan, for one, and the red-ragger cabbies, and even Mrs. Stanley makes a brief appearance. But there’s Collins, of course, and a few men he knows from the footy stop by, and even one or two others he knows from the force, men he knows will be discreet about where they saw him.

It’s much lower-key than most of Miss Fisher’s parties that he’s attended or seen, and he’s grateful. Mr. Butler keeps him supplied with champagne, his favorite sandwiches, and trips to the kitchen when he needs to step away. Mrs. Collins keeps some of his favorite records playing over the gramophone. For the birthday party of a man his age, it’s pretty much all he could ask for.

Mrs. Collins finally kicks Cec and Bert - drunk in the case of the former, completely pissed for the latter - out around nine. She and Mr. Butler immediately set about cleaning up, but Miss Fisher waves them off with a wave of a hand. “No, no, don’t worry - it’ll keep ‘til tomorrow. Today was for celebrating, tonight shouldn’t have to be for cleaning.”

“Are you sure, Miss?” Mrs. Collins asks, worrying at the sleeves of her dress. “It’s not that late; we should at least get started.”

“Not tonight.” Miss Fisher’s voice is firm. “There’s just one last thing I need from you two.” She stands and herds them both with her towards the kitchen, leaving Jack in the parlour with Collins. 

It's still somewhat awkward to spend time with him outside of a case. But they make do, the discussion turning towards footy (as it frequently does) and this season’s Abbotsford-West Melbourne game that many of the party guests will be attending, as always. Just as Collins starts to get a little too heated about this year’s players, Miss Fisher returns with Mrs. Collins and Mr. Butler in tow and an unreadable smile on her face.

In a flurry the Collinses are heading out through the kitchen for the guest house behind Wardlow that they’ve made their own, Mr. Butler bids them goodnight and disappears into his own quarters, and Jack’s left standing at the foot of the stairs with Miss Fisher.

“Come up with me?” she asks, and he detects something like anxiety in her voice. But it’s far from the first time he’s been up to her boudoir, and he’d assumed this was the plan for the night anyway, so even as he nods he squeezes her hand in a question.

“You all right?” he asks aloud also, just in case.

“Perfectly,” she answers, squeezing his hand back, but she doesn’t turn around before climbing the stairs. Uncertain, he follows, deciding to let her explain whenever she’s ready.

She pushes open the door with something akin to ceremony, and Jack takes in the room. Bed, dressing screen, vanity, all as normal - and a small table set in front of the chaise, with what looks like a small cake atop it.

“You made this?” he asks, but it’s not really a question. She doesn’t answer, just tilts her head, her hair swinging forward against her cheeks. He pulls her towards him for another kiss. “This is what you were baking yesterday?”

Her eyes are wide and perfunctorily innocent as she walks backwards towards the chaise, pulling him after her. “There was no baking yesterday, just a fussy cooker. Whatever made you ask that?” The words and tone are teasing, but there’s a hint of something underneath that he can’t place. She takes a seat, looking up at him expectantly.

He joins her on the chaise, and she immediately hands him one of the forks that had been resting next to the cake. “Happy birthday, Jack.” Leaning back, she slips one arm behind him, caressing his shoulder as she goes.

The cake’s quite small, and somewhat lopsided if he’s honest. It’s hard to say whether he’d wonder if she’d made it, if he didn’t already know, because the idea of her baking is still so incongruous. But the frosting is inviting, and he takes a bite.

It’s delicious. The frosting is as smooth and creamy as it looked from the outside, and the cake itself is moist and light. Chocolate may not have been what he’d have gone for if he’d chosen, but he’s not sure why. Swallowing, he brandishes the fork.

“You’ve outdone yourself, Miss Fisher. A party, sandwiches, and this birthday cake?” He leans in to try and kiss her again, maybe forget about the cake despite how delicious it is, but she’s not looking at him. He follows her gaze and realizes that she’s still looking, inexplicably, at the cake.

“Try another bite,” she says, and this time he can place at least some of what’s in her voice - nerves. And not discomfort or worry, exactly, but something akin to those.

Doing as she says, he reaches out with the fork again. But this time, instead of passing through the fluffy body of the cake, the fork catches on something. Something hard but narrow and long, by the feel of it. Confused, he excavates it from the cake, trying to knock off whatever’s been baked onto it as he pulls it out.

It’s a key. A house key. A familiar house key that he’s seen in even more familiar hands.

A key to Wardlow.

“Phryne,” he starts, and can’t continue around the lump in his throat. He rubs at it with one of the napkins laying on the table, trying to collect his thoughts and his voice. The cake and the frosting slough off, leaving a key just as elegant as the rest of the house. His eyes trace the scrollwork at the top, the post, the teeth. The bronze elegance of it all.

When he lifts his gaze from the key to Miss Fisher, her face is open, vulnerable, in a way he hasn’t often seen. Her eyes are so very blue. “Phryne,” he tries again, and can’t find any words to continue. Instead he shifts toward her on the chaise until he can pull her in for another kiss, trying to put all his thoughts and feelings into it. And love. Always, always love.

She hums against his lips - not erotically, not exactly, but in contentment, an understanding. When they break this kiss, she twines their fingers together and rests her nose against his cheek.

Jack reaches between and across them with his other hand, grabbing for the key. “Phryne,” he says a third time, “you don’t have to do this.” He knows what her independence and freedom mean to her. It may not be a wedding ring, but it’s an invitation even further into her life. “Are you sure?”

“I am.” She turns his head to kiss him again - gently, invitingly, a request and a promise. Her eyes flutter closed, and she takes a deep breath before opening them again. “I love you, Jack.”

She says it like it’s simple, like it’s known, and it is on some level - but his heart nearly stops. He’s said it, wanted to say it more, but held back for fear of scaring her away. Even after the desert, even after everything they’ve been through, he still worries.

Lifting a hand, slowly and carefully, he rests it on her cheek. When she presses lightly into his palm, he’s hit with a curious mix of wistfulness and arousal. Probably exactly as she intended. His lips tip up at the corners, the smile unbidden and irresistible.

“I love you, Phryne.” He might’ve tried to put as much love as he could into his earlier kisses, but the words hold even more. Sliding the hand from her cheek around to the back of her neck, he trails his callused fingers over the soft skin there. This time he knows the hum is seductive, as she surges forward and captures his lips again, slipping her tongue between them. The sensation is familiar and new at the same time, as it always is. His cock starts to harden in anticipation.

Still at an awkward angle on the chaise, Jack tries to maneuver his other arm around her without breaking the kiss. He succeeds only in knocking their elbows together - more of a surprise than painful - and Phryne breaks the kiss with a laugh.

“Here,” she says, and with one fluid motion pushes away the table and straddles him, hands on his shoulders to keep her balance. Her dress, blue and shimmery, a perfect complement to her porcelain skin and her striking blue eyes, hikes up around her thighs.

His cock comes to attention so quickly it’s almost painful. The trousers that have been perfectly comfortable all day are suddenly inordinately tight. With an involuntary groan he grips her legs, hands resting over her garters. Also deep, fathomless blue, to match her dress. No dagger tucked away in them this time - he’s found that before, though, while making love to her. Lockpicks in her brassiere, forgotten notes tucked into her waistband. He huffs out a laugh.

“Something funny, Inspector?” she asks, head tilted in a question and a roguish smile on her face. The laugh broadens at the use of his title while she’s draped across him, hair mussed, lips devoid of gloss and paint (it’s probably all on his own lips, now), dress indecent even for her and cheeks flushed from arousal rather than rouge.

“Just thinking of the…surprises I sometimes find in your clothes, at times like this.” The soft chuckle she lets out drifts into a moan as he cants his hips upward, letting her feel the length of him against her. He’s got a few surprises in him too.

The heat of her, even through a few layers of clothing, nearly drives all rational thought from his brain. He reaches for the hem of her dress just as her hands shift on his shoulders, pulling at his braces. Glad he’s in shirtsleeves, he lets go of the dress long enough for the braces to fall to his hips before tugging at it again. Phryne lifts her arms so he can slide it off over her head, and he’s sure she wore this dress for this exact purpose. Easy to remove, no complicated buttons that she needs Mrs. Collins’s help with, and -

She’s not wearing a brassiere. He’s seen her bare plenty of times by now, and yet he’s still stunned every time. Feathering a kiss over each already-hard nipple, he revels in the way she arches toward him, the sounds she makes as he drags his teeth over her skin. He wraps his arms around her back, resting his palms on her buttocks, holding her close as he nuzzles the soft, warm skin between her breasts. She bends towards him, planting a disarmingly sweet kiss atop his head, and he grins into her chest.

Then she pushes against his shoulders, taking more of her weight back on her own knees, and starts to undo his shirt buttons. “You’re still wearing far too much clothing, Jack.” The care with which she undoes each button touches his heart. She wouldn’t care if some popped, or if the shirt itself ripped if she pulled it over his head. But she knows he cares, and she takes the time to take his shirt off properly.

But after all the buttons are undone and she slides it off, pressing a kiss to each of his hands as he raises them to let her pull the sleeves off, she reaches between them and cups him through his trousers, and suddenly he can’t care what happens to his clothes. He just needs them off, needs to feel every inch of her along every inch of him.

“Phryne,” he groans, unable to resist rocking against her hand.

“Jack,” she answers, low and hoarse, just as breathless as he is. She slides back to stand on her own feet, and he nearly whines with disapproval at the loss of her weight over him. But she reaches out a hand and pulls him to his feet, then reaches for the buttons of his trousers. Freeing his erection, she kneels, then bends forward without warning and licks a stripe along the underside of his cock, nearly sending him into the stratosphere.

In actuality he does almost topple over, tangled in his trousers and pants as he is, and Phryne falls into a fit of giggles. Jack can’t help laughing along as he drops back onto the chaise, wrestling his shoes off before divesting himself of the hopelessly rumpled last of his clothes. He can’t be embarrassed to be naked in her boudoir any longer, not after she’s made it abundantly clear just how much she enjoys looking at him. And when he looks up, she’s standing again and gazing appreciatively at him, hands on her hips and head angled down.

“Now you’re the one wearing entirely too much clothing, Miss Fisher.” He gestures at her legs, still hidden by her pants, stockings, and shoes. Her appreciative look turns sultry again, comfortable as the sole focus of his gaze. She bends to undo her shoes, trails her hands back up her legs to her garters, and Jack aches to follow them with his hands, his tongue. The stockings roll down, revealing the perfect porcelain of her legs. And finally, finally, she steps out of her knickers, kicking them to the side and exposing the patch of hair at the join of her thighs.

Before Jack can move, she’s straddling him again, kissing him deeply. The slickness of her body coats his thighs as he wraps his arms around her again, holding her close. He lets himself get lost in the kiss, in the heat, in her. It hasn’t been so long that he’s been allowed to do this, and it’s still a revelation every time.

To be allowed to openly say I love you, now, is another revelation. So when she breaks this kiss, trails more down his neck so he can’t help but arch toward her, as he pulls one hand back between them, he says it again. “I love you, Phryne,” and slips his hand between her legs.

She’s soaked. And the noises she makes, the way she grinds against his fingers, nearly push him over the edge when she’s barely even touched him. His cock throbs with want, insistent. Dragging his fingers over her clit, in slow circles the way he knows she likes, he takes one of her nipples in his mouth again. Gasping, she tangles her hands in his hair, holding his head as close to her body as she can. “Please, Jack, god,” she breathes out, her voice hitching with his ministrations.

He’s long lost the ability to voice a coherent reply. Angling his hand so his thumb can keep addressing her clit, he slides two fingers inside her. The bone-deep moan she lets out would be enough to keep him going for days all on its own, but it’s the pressure of her inner walls against his fingers that lives in his memory without end. He keeps his hand moving, a steady rhythm, as her hips rock faster and more erratically. Pushing his head back against her hands, he moves his mouth to her other breast. As he gently bites down on the peaked nipple, her whole body stiffens, her muscles tightening around his hand. A strangled stream of broken sounds and half-words falls from her lips. 

He works her through it, slowing his hand to a stop as she sags against him and pressing a kiss to her forehead, mussing her fringe even more. “God, Phryne,” he whispers against her skin, and he can feel her smile. “You’re beautiful.”

“I know,” she says, and he grins in delight. And then one of her hands slides down his back, making him shiver as it drags through the sweat that’s collected there, and over his hip. When she wraps her fingers around his cock, drawing them from base to tip, he can’t help but thrust against her, all the same noises that just came from her mouth coming from his now.

All sense of time deserts him, the world narrowing to the pressure of her weight on his thighs, her hand on his cock. And then she repositions herself, using that same hand to guide him inside her. He cries out, wordless, the bass counterpoint to her soprano cry of his name.

If someone asked him what he thought heaven would be like, this moment might be what Jack would think of. Hands gripping the soft flesh of Phryne’s backside, her weight on top of him, her hands on his shoulders and in his hair, as close as they can possibly be. She starts to move, working out how best to use gravity to get an angle that will work for them both, and he finds himself chanting her name.

The tension builds, at the base of his spine and the base of his cock, as he thrusts and Phryne rocks. His own voice pitches higher, then lower, as her rhythm hiccups and her breathing gets even more ragged. Jack forces his eyes open, taking in the sight of Phryne’s whole body flushed, spiraling, and it’s enough to send him over the edge. His fingers clench against her bottom, holding her close, and he screams.

Her fingernails dig into his shoulders, little pinpricks of sensation keeping him in his body as he floats on sensation, as she cries out and her whole body tenses, her inner muscles clenching around him and dragging another moan of pleasure out of his mouth.

Sagging against the chaise, boneless, Jack endeavors to hold them both upright as Phryne comes to rest against his chest. Her head fits just under his chin, even as they tilt slightly to one side. As he comes back to himself, he rubs one hand in circles across her back, relishing holding her like this.

A while - he couldn’t say how long, could’ve been five minutes or twenty - later, Phryne lifts her head back up, her eyes tired but shining. “Happy birthday, Jack,” she says again.

“Couldn’t have asked for better,” he replies, pressing her close with the hand still on her back.

Her smile could normally rival the sun, but no star could hold a candle to it now. And there’s no place he’d rather be.

[tastesoftamriel]

I'm really curious, what are some foods across Tamriel that parents give their children when they first transition away from mother's milk and onto Actual Food?

Actually, speaking of which, what do Argonian newborns eat? Since they're reptilian it's not like mothers lactate, and it's something that's always been niggling in the back of my head since I met my first Argonian and I've always been. Too afraid to ask them directly haha.

I don't really know much about children's food, so I've had to ask around and do a wee spot of ethnographic research to answer this question. I grew up malnourished as a child due to poverty, and never had the opportunity to enjoy diverse foods until much later in life. Here are some of the things kids around Tamriel eat.

Altmer

High Elf children are cherished, and their diets are designed to give them the best possible start in life. From an early age, cooked fruit and vegetables are introduced as part of the diet, cooked in palatable yet mild little dishes. Steamed spinach puree with cherry blossoms, an apple and peach mousse, and pea soup with carrots and legumes are just a few dishes that baby Altmer enjoy.

Argonians

Raised on Hist sap rather than breast milk (as far as I've been led to believe), Argonian younglings take to solid food much faster than the other races. Mealworm, corn and lentil mash with mango is extremely popular to feed baby Argonians, as well as soft arrowroot cookies for teething. Also notable are sweet potato and pumpkin puree, and crunchy bite-sized cricket snacks.

Bosmer

Green Pact Bosmer teach their children to love meat from a young age, with everything from bone broth to soft minced sausages. Unlike adult Wood Elves, salt is minimal in children's diets, making food quite bland until they reach about three years old. Most common is a soup made from thick bone broth, sliced ham, minced beef or poultry, and a good amount of crushed dried mealworms for a bit of crunch and nutty flavour.

Bretons

High Rock children enjoy a balanced diet of both plant and animal products. Whether it's a chewy bagel "teething ring" or corn bread with berry puree, Breton kids have a tasty start to life! Some other examples include little pancakes with sour cream and jam, corn and zucchini fritters, and cheesy broccoli and macaroni bake. Sounds good, doesn't it?

Dunmer

Dark Elf children love ash yams and saltrice in just about anything, from bread to puddings. Ash yam porridge with chicken stock is a standard dish for babies, and giving them a stick of peeled marshmerrow sticks to chew on while teething is a common practice. Kwama egg scramble with steamed hackle-lo leaf and fried saltrice is a tasty and nutritious beginner's meal.

Imperials

From the Niben to Bruma, Cyrodiil natives have varied diets for their infants. Northern Imperials prefer more hearty dishes like beef stew with peas, turkey and cranberry sauce with mashed potatoes, or honey milk pudding. You'll find equally flavourful but less heavy meals down south, with a heavier emphasis on fruits and vegetables, like pumpkin and corn fritters, olive tapenade or hummus with soft breads, and pear puree with cream.

Khajiit

Elsweyr gets their children into their spices and moon sugar as soon as they're able to eat, and outlanders have been shocked to see young Khajiit eating mild curries with ingredients like turmeric, cumin, cinnamon, and even (gasp!) curry powder for the more adventurous kids! A favourite in Southern Elsweyr is a mild and soft spinach curry made from creamed spinach and chunks of cottage cheese, and served with steamed rice or flatbread. Northern Elsweyr Khajiit prefer meatier dishes like soft pulled pork with moon sugar and coconut milk, or tomato soup with peas and shredded chicken.

Nords

Fish is the first thing most Nord children will ever taste after mother's milk, in the form of a soft "pudding" made from fish paste mixed with flour, milk, and salt. It's baked and eaten either mashed or in slices, depending on the child's age, and served with steamed salmon or mudcrab cakes. Another favourite for more fortunate Nord children is custard with snowberry jam, which adults love too!

Orcs

Young Orcs learn the ways of Stronghold food almost immediately, and this means small, minced versions of adult Orc meals. From roast pork and potatoes, salmon pate, and radish and beef stew, take any Orcish meal and mash it and behold, baby food! And of course, don't forget the echatere cheese puffs if you're Wrothgarian!

Redguards

Young Redguard children grow up on goat's milk products regardless of where in Hammerfell they hail from, such as sweet or salty lassi, yoghurt, and soft cheese. The main difference between coastal and Alik'r Redguards is the sort of protein used. Those in the heart of the desert are more prone to eating things like dried dates with bulgur porridge and soft pulled goat meat stews, while coastal Redguards have a fondness for dishes like banana and coconut smoothies, and baked fish with a hint of exotic spices (gotta start them young).

[just-a-creep-babe]

How many creeps do you think would be good at cooking? Imagine them making food for their s/o and cuddling with them 💙💙💙

Ooh, this was interesting to think about! ^^

Requests are closed

Masterlist: x

Slenderman

This 👏mans 👏can 👏cook👏

He doesn’t do it too often because he doesn’t really… need to eat, but when he does? It’s a full-course fancy af meal

And it’s fucking delicious

Those tentacles mean that he’s pretty versatile in the kitchen

Combined with the many, many years of experience he has on this plane AND the fact that he’s a perfectionist, there’s no way his food is ever less than superb 👌

He doesn’t need his s/o’s help in the kitchen, but if they wanna lend a hand, he’ll more than gladly sheathe away his extra appendages to have some wholesome, pleasant human time with them 😙

If he’s doing something special for his s/o, chances are, he won’t stop at just the taste & appearance of the food, either

He’ll arrange a whole ass presentation for them—like a meal under the stars with rose petals scattered around expensive porcelain dishes, completed with candles for mood-lighting

He’ll even put on some nice, slow classical music while you dine ;)~

No expense is spared for his one and only darling 😚

Jeff the Killer

This may come as a surprise but he’s actually,,, fairly decent in the kitchen

Like, he’s really into keeping up his shape, right? So he takes special care in the things he puts into his body so that he can operate at PEAK performance

There was, admittedly, a time when he was younger where he legit ate absolute garbage

But then he realized (surprise, surprise) that eating good food makes you stronger, so he’s been putting effort into his diet ever since

The taste can sometimes be... a little bland because it’s all super healthy stuff, but most of the time, it’s pretty good ngl

He makes a lot of protein/carb-based stuff—so it’s a lot of heavy meats

You cannot get this mans to bake with you because he’ll cut back on the sugar/chocolate & turn your dessert into... a mush, basically

And he’s one of those people who can’t work in the kitchen with others, so any cooking with him at all probably isn’t going to happen

But, hey, if you don’t like preparing meals, at least he’s got it covered :)

Just don’t expect anything too sweet or fancy from him unless you want to be disappointed :p

Which, to be fair, you should be used to disappointment if you’re dating Jeff skdjksjdlkd

BEN Drowned

Alright, so, y’know how Jeff is super into health & nutrition, and Slender’s really good at making super fancy meals with excellent presentation?

Yeah, BEN’s the opposite of both of those

This mans cannot cook—and everything he makes is like thiiiis 👌 far from being chemically inedible

Not to mention, it looks about as radioactive as it probably is

Do not let this mans in the near vicinity of any kitchen whatsoever

If he wasn’t already dead, you’d be worried about him giving himself a heart attack with the kind of food he ingests

Speaking of, because he is dead, he doesn’t necessarily need to eat, but he still does enjoy food

He can get a lil cranky if he hasn’t eaten in a while, and when he’s in his physical form, he can still feel hunger—it just won’t kill him

So he’s at this point where he mostly just eats for the flavour, which explains his questionable cooking choices

Either way, it’s not recommended that you ever let this mans cook for you 😬

Eyeless Jack

As smart & talented as he is, it’s important to remember that homeboy was a college student before the incident

And because he can’t eat human food anymore & it all tastes the same (kinda like,, rotten dirt mixed in with ashes), it just means boy sucks at cooking

He can try to follow a recipe, but somehow, they always end up tasting a little... off??

It’s best for him to just stick to chicky nuggies and frozen pizza ngl :”)

Which sucks, because if he wants to cook for you, he wants to make it healthy, ya know?

If you have the patience for it, however, he’d be more than happy to learn how to properly cook for and with you

And he’s a pretty fast learner, so maybe there’s still hope for his cooking skills :”)

He really enjoys making food with you, but it can stress him out a little at the same time

He would generally just rather order takeout from some healthy place for ya instead

Also please don’t make fun of his cooking, he’s trying :(

Masky

Masky & Hoodie are the two most likely to cook for the mansion

Everyone’s supposed to take turns, but considering the quality of the meals the others make *cough* BEN *cough,* it doesn’t usually end up that way

And since Masky genuinely enjoys cooking, he’s more likely to pick up the slack for the others

He can make pretty much anything, and unlike what Jeff makes, the flavour is varied & pretty damn delicious ^^

He’ll also make a lot extra, because not only do the bois eat a lot, but if no one else decides to cook the next day, at least they’ll have leftovers

The creeps are always free to fix themselves whatever they want, of course, but it’s nice to just open up a fridge & have something ready, ya know?

If his s/o wants to join him in prepping food, he’ll be more than happy!

Loves having extra hands to help & loves teaching them his secret to good recipes 😋

He enjoys cooking for his s/o more than he enjoys cooking for anyone else ngl

He’s the type to make them their fave dish all the time, just cause he can & he loves them sm <3

Hoodie

As I’ve mentioned, Hoodie’s one of the few people that cook for everyone in the mansion

So, while he’s maybe not as skilled or enthusiastic about cooking as Masky, he can still manage

He has a few specialty dishes that he prefers making & that taste better than the rest

And, on the other hand, he also has some random dishes that, for some reason, just never turn out how they’re supposed to >:/

He’s really good w/ breakfast foods especially ^^

Baking, on the other hand, tends to be a bit too precise, so he tends to stick away from that, but hey, if his s/o wants to bake with him, he won’t refuse

If you bake with him, he will get flour on his hands & tap your ass—just to leave his handprint on ya butt :p

He can be a bit of a goof in the kitchen—he’ll get messy & is definitely the type to smear icing on your lips just so he can kiss it off ;)

At the end of the day, if his s/o really loves his cooking, he’ll push himself to make more food more often for them

Homeboy’s just an absolute babe no matter what he does tbh 💗👄💗

Ticci Toby

This mans… also has some… issues in the kitchen

He’s somewhere halfway between BEN and EJ in terms of skill

Like, has a soft spot for sweets, so he loves baking and making desserts—and he’s even pretty good at it!

But he, unfortunately, isn’t very good at making regular food because he eats a lot of junk tbh

So he needs a bit of guidance in the kitchen to make sure he doesn’t put too much sugar in a recipe that should not have sugar in the first place

Even when baking, you sorta need to keep an eye on him

He could very easily burn himself without realizing it—but he’s sort of a danger magnet already, so that’s to be expected

Boy’s also got pretty bad adhd, so he can & will forget to take stuff out of the oven or the stove

People are kinda wary of him being in the kitchen alone after a few too many incidents…

Poor boy honestly gets a bad rep that he doesn’t really deserve :”)

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Baker!Phil Masterlist

Before You Walk Away (ao3) - larabfb

Summary: Phil sugarcoats his cupcakes; Dan sugarcoats his emotions, smothers them under layer after layer of petal pink icing, lets them soak in it until he feels like he’s drowning.

begin and never cease (ao3) - palomeheart

Summary: Dan is a grumpy second year law student living with reclusive, perpetual grad student named Phil. When the holiday season brings out a side of Phil that Dan’s never seen before, Meanwhile, when Phil finds out Dan hates all things festive, he makes it his goal to change Dan’s mind before Christmas. And also to find the perfect mince pie.

Caramel Macchiato Eyes (ao3) - CelestialYuuri

Summary: Phil is the young owner of Decadence, one of Manchester’s most promising and delicious bakeries. Always smiling and always baking, he’s secretly wishes to find someone of his own, creating one dazzling wedding cake after another. Dan works at a nearby Starbucks, but it’s sucking the life out of him. Regardless, he tries to make time to visit Decadence. Throughout Dan’s Saturday night visit each week, Dan and Phil have gotten to know each other minimally, but they’ve never truly had time to sit down and talk for more than five minutes. So, what happens when the entrepreneur and the regular actually get to know each other?

clumsy (ao3) - ordanary

Summary: Phil’s clumsiness often lands him in sticky situations, like when he spills flour all over his crush, Dan Howell and his little sister one day at the bakery where he works.

Don’t Leave Me Dry (ao3) - quarterleigh

Summary: Phil owns a bakery. Dan is a busker who performs outside.

every flavour special (ao3) - confettiicecream

Summary: Phil works in an LA cupcake shop, dreaming up new flavours every day, and making YouTube videos with his friend of two years, Dan. But when the departure of half the shop staff and the constant scrutiny of their fanbase puts Dan and Phil under pressure, can their friendship handle it? Cupcakes and cameos feature in this bitter-sweet study of peer pressure and different kinds of love.

Icing Fights And Lovebites - phanlight

Summary: It’s nearly Dan’s birthday, and Phil wants to celebrate by making him a cake in a baking video. But will things go according to plan? Read on to find out more!

I Don’t Know Anyone Else (Who Can Make Me Feel This Way) (ao3) - rainbowchristy

Summary: It started as a simple video idea. Little did Phil know, it’d lead to the missing piece in his life. A piece by the name of Dan.

Or: Phil tries cooking and his pregnant neighbour comes by to ask for some of whatever smells so good. Several times.

One For The Money (ao3) - philcantwerk

Summary: Phil works in Lester Bakery, and one summer afternoon he’s visited by Dan Howell, a man with a guitar and a beautiful voice.

Pretty Odd - phillestatos

Summary: Dan Howell, piano teacher and speedster, craves chocolate cakes at three in the morning. He meets a baker named Phil who owns the only store opened at three in the morning and who bakes the most delicious chocolate cake in the world. It’s a pretty odd love story.

Secrets and S'more (ao3) - flowerchilddeeno

Summary: In which Dan and Phil are coworkers who seem to hate one another, but then something happens at the staff Christmas party.

Sugar (ao3) - lovergalore

Summary: Phil works at a bakery and Dan is a single Dad.

Sweet as Sugar (ao3) - Fyria

Summary: Phil owns a bakery. A late customer starts coming in, and Phil finds him quite interesting…

Violins And Cookies (wattpad) - caitlinthedork

Summary: Dan has a new neighbor. His new neighbor Phil who happens to be an insomniac who loves playing the violin in the dead of the night, baking cookies and who also has a cat who spends half of her time in Dan’s house.     Dan finds Phil very annoying but he really can’t resist those blue-green eyes...

[circethegoblin]

STAYING ALIVE MASTERPOST, FROM A BROKE TEEN WITH ADHD

here you go. some down to earth tips on how to not die metally nor physically.

tired of those "drink three liters of water everyday uwu" and "wake up at 5 am" and "buy a bath bomb and a fec mask and some other things you don't have the money for" shit? i'm here for ya.

1. NOT DYING

eat at least three meals a day, one of which m u s t be warm and above 300 kcal (it can be istant ramen with an egg added if you have to)

you technically should shower everyday, but we know how it is. A change of clothes is sometimes enough.

DRY SHAMPOO AND BABY WIPES!!!

keep bottles with water everywhere. On your desk, near that spot on the floor you always end up sitting on, near your bed, basically whenever you know you spend a lot of time. No need to get up and go to the kitchen will help. Obviously change the water in the bottles as often as you can.

Get some form of physical activity. It doesn't have to be much, you can for example replace scrolling on tiktok by walking around your room and scrolling on tiktok! Brilliant, isn't it? Obviously, running or doing those 10 minutes workouts from youtube is better, but you are still getting like an hour of walking.

Buy blankets. Steal blankets. Summon blankets from other dimensions. Just make sure you have a lot of warm, soft blankets in your house. You will thank me when you won't have the anergy to wash your sheets (just take them off and throw some blankets on your bed), or when the power goes out.

If you have pets, ALWAYS keep spare food that'll last for a week for them.

things to always have in the kitchen: milk, eggs, flour, rice, pasta, yeast, cheese, oil, a leafy vegetable, onions, tomatoes, apples, patatoes, some flavourful sauce, sugar, salt, spices and an emergency chocolate bar. You can make a lot of food with those. Just make sure you won't eat the chocolate too fast.

Have a lot of spare batteries. A lot.

Get urself a flashlight, a lighter, and a pocket knife.

Remember the apples? eat one a day. if you don't like apples or you can't eat them for any other reason, you can take a kiwi, banana, orange, basically something that will give you vitamins and non processed sugar.

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

drugs from that one guy around the corner = very bad time

2. NOT DYING INSIDE

Open the damn window.

Don't watch so many commentary videos. You are probably not even checking the sources, so you can easily make unjust judgement, and like. did you even hear of half of those people before?

make a discord server just for yourself. get into the habit of writing little things that happened to you there. rant about the fanfics you read. or the movies. vent there if you don't have anyone you can vent to. write your ideas there, write e v e r y t h i n g. make a section for passwords, for quick ideas, for your to do lists. you won't lose it as you do with sticky notes or notebooks. there is no risk anyone will see it. oh, and when you'll have a strong impulse to tell emily that you hate her? write that message in your private server and list all ur arguments. look at tat the next day and decide if you really mean that.

life sucks. come to peace with it.

cuddle ur pets if you have them

1 hour a day without a lot of sensory input. if you have to, reduce to half an hour.

if you find yourself scrolling endlessly through social media, make sure it's pintrest (just don't compare urself to the people here; if you have issues with that, tumblr may be better)

delete. twitter. from. your. phone.

influencers are lying to you; maybe not even intentionally. remember when you were watching that cute-aesthetic-productive morning routine, and you were wondering why your life isn't that pretty? why your room is a mess? why you cannot for the life of god be aesthetic 24/7? its the filter. don't worry about it, their lifes arent that nice either.

realize there's actually nothing stopping you from screaming as loud as you can right now. like there is no physical barrier. think about it. realize there's no actual physical barierr to many other things.

your body is your body. you can decide how it looks like; just remember it's in your greatest interest to keep it healthy.

3. BEING A LITTLE BETTER THAN JUST ALIVE

If you wear make up, take it off before you go to sleep.

moisturize your body; everything is better when your skin doesn't feel dry

have a one brand of cosmetics that you love and buy things mainly from it. they often have sets of products that complete each other. i like ziaja. it's a polish brand, it's surprisingly cheap and has nice quality

cleanser, moisturizer, face mist

of you can, change your sheets once every two weeks

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

do a deep house clean once a month (don't beat yourself up when you don't tho)

keep your workspace organized (it doesn't have to look organized to other people, remember)

sunscreen

cook your own food

keep a calendar

no money for scented candles? got ya. make a simmer pot: throw some apple peel, a couple of cinnamon sticks and whatever spices that smell good you have into a pot, add some water and simmer. boom. your house smells good, and you haven't spend 20 dollars.

If you really like candles, buy scented wax melts. it's cheaper.

Buy urself scented mists. they're pretty cheap and will make you feel A LOT better.

keep your clothes clean. if you aren't sure if that shirt thats on your chair is dirty or not, throw it in the washing mashine anyway. better be sure.

if you can, make your bed right when you get up

wear clothes that make you feel good. put some effort into your outfits. really.

4. OTHER PEOPLE

be nice to essential workers.

if you have money, give tips.

remember, you do not owe anyone love; it is not something you can force. even if they saved your life. even when they helped you in your darkest time. if you don't love them, you don't.

you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy.

if you want to, date! date everyone! date girls, date boys, date nonbinary people! date people completly different than you, date people from different countries, date them!!! just make sure they're kind and won't kill you. even if you don't end up in a relationship, you can learn a lot.

don't be afraid to piss off people that deserve it

smile to strangers :)

5. NOT FAILING SCHOOL

heard of dark academia? check it out

romanticize the heck out of studying

do not let your studying be just reading the same partagraph over and over again. it won't work. believe me.

seterra for geography, quizlet for everything else

try to make yourself intrestet in whatever you are studying (watch veritasium, listen to podcasts about weird history facts)

notes are for you and you only; don't worry about them looking pretty. doodle on margins, make weird metaphors, squeeze in as much info as you can.

when you're studying, listen to music without words/in a language you don't understand.

chew gum while you study

get the forest app, get attached to the trees, focus.

don't feel guilty for taking breaks

grades aren't everything, but they are important.

eat something in school

don't just use the cheapest pens. invest a couple dollars in something that will make writing enjoyable and smooth

those study with me videos? they're great

if you like to argue with the teachers, take care of your grades becouse. they may not like you afterwards.

be nice to your classmates and help them with homework. if you don't do your homework they'll help you

executive dysfunction won't let you study? been there. sometimes it's better to wake up ealier tommorow and do that homework then.

don't feel guilty for failing a test

go to the goddamn class

don't pull all nighters oh my god don't especially on weekdays

6. OTHER LIFEHACKS

don't get involved in the crime, and if you do always have a believable explanation why you were doing it

have different alarm sounds for every day of the week

set a daily limit of money that you spend

great hobbies that don't require a lot of money; urban exploration, writing, hiking and learning other languages

thrift stores

don't eat grapefruits while on meds

nail polish removers dissolve most strong glues.

if you have a cut on your skin, desinfect it. do it. please just do it.

always have pads with you. even if you don't get periods, at least one of your friends probably does

sign up in your local library. its free

[magic-and-moonlit-wings]

Cupcake ingredient substitute

I was making cupcakes and realized we were out of milk, but we did have a partial container of whipping cream (about two-thirds of a cup), so I diluted it with water to get the 1-and-a-quarter cups I needed, and the cupcakes turned out extra smooth and fluffy! 

Whipping cream doubles in volume when whipped, so I wonder what adding actual whipped cream would do to the cupcakes ... Cream and water is probably a closer match for milk, though. 

It’s a spice cake, so there’s also cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg in it. Throw in ground cloves and allspice and they could be pumpkin spice cupcakes; something to think about for October. 

Here’s the full recipe: 

Half a cup of margarine or butter (optional substitute: one-quarter cup of margarine with one-quarter cup of either peanut butter, applesauce, mashed banana, crushed pineapple, grated zucchini, or pumpkin purée) 

1 cup sugar (you can sift this but you don’t have to) 

1 teaspoon vanilla 

2 eggs (optionally, put in the egg yolks first, then beat the egg whites and add them when you add the milk) 

2 cups flour (you can sift this but you don’t have to) 

1-and-a-half teaspoons baking powder 

Half a teaspoon baking soda 

1 cup powdered cocoa (if making chocolate cake) 

For spice cake: 

Half a teaspoon ground cinnamon 

Quarter teaspoon ground nutmeg 

Quarter teaspoon ginger 

For pumpkin spice cake, these plus one-quarter teaspoon each of allspice and ground cloves (optionally, reduce the cinnamon in pumpkin spice so every spice is one-quarter teaspoon each) 

1-and-a-quarter cups milk (optional substitute: two-thirds cup whipping cream, diluted with water to get the needed volume of liquid) 

(This is when you add the egg whites if you separated the eggs) 

Grease and flour a cake pan or muffin tin, or use paper muffin wrappers. I find a little more than 1 Tablespoon of batter per muffin cup bakes into a nice size muffin. 

Bake at 350 °F (175 °C) for 20 minutes, though it’s a good idea to check it at 18 minutes just in case. It might take 25 or 30 minutes if baking a cake instead of cupcakes. 

Spice cakes go nicely with lemon frosting. 

Buttercream frosting ratio: for every 1 cup of powdered sugar (also called icing sugar or confectioner’s sugar), include one-quarter cup margarine (or butter, or crisco), one teaspoon of milk, and one-quarter teaspoon vanilla. 

4 cups powdered sugar, 1 cup margarine, 1 Tablespoon of milk (3 teaspoons), and 1 teaspoon vanilla is the amount I usually make for a full cake or full batch of cupcakes. 

For chocolate frosting, add 1 Tablespoon cocoa powder to start, then increase by the teaspoon until you get the degree of chocolatiness you want. 

 Add other frosting flavourings, such as lemon juice, one-quarter teaspoon at a time and taste-test. 

If icing is too thick, add milk or water, 1 teaspoon at a time.