#that I can still relate to those things they list
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I haven’t lost an eye, tho I did go several months not seeing out of one eye (I kept it closed because in a stroke of stupidity I thought it would help me see better since I have double vision. It just made my eyes and that eye specifically a million times worse-)
And I noticed the neck thing so quickly. Like it was pretty easy for me to adjust (just because I’m good at adjusting to shit Idk) and even though I had no pain then, it was crazy noticing how different things were. Like I walked differently, I always kept to one side of people so I could see them better, I kept bumping my hands into things because of how closing my right eye fucked up my hand eye coordination
And when I finally opened my eye again, after so long of keeping it closed - mostly because at that point my eye had weakened and it was difficult to open it - shit got more colorful. Like I could tell the difference between how much color I was seeing. I doubt a character would go through that - but like if you’re writing a character that’s gotten some surgery done or something and had to wear a patch for a while, well, I think I at least would probably include them realizing things are just a bit more colorful after they take the patch off for the first time
Also rip my neck during the time I closed my eye for months. So much soreness and pain. I am so sorry past neck, I apologize. I was stupid
Also for the last thing ‘thehungwizard’ mentioned - it’s really like that for everything. So when your writing a character with any sort of disability or lack of a sense, keep that in mind. Like I don’t have a sense of smell and people constantly forget that I can’t spell things. I know that’s a lot less drastic and technically a lot less important than a whole eye, but still, the basis is that other ppl forget (no hate on others tho)
I’ve also experienced what op said in #6. It’s wild. And a bit annoying
writing advice for characters with a missing eye: dear God does losing an eyes function fuck up your neck. Ever since mine crapped out I've been slowly and unconsciously shifting towards holding my head at an angle to put the good eye closer to the center. and human necks. are not meant to accommodate that sorta thing.
#I know my experiences are not the same#as I simply closed my eye for a long while#and didn’t actually loose my vision in that eye (tho I may be slowly losing it now thanks to that-)#I still think it’s neat#that I can still relate to those things they list#and I think that’s important when writing a character too#because they won’t just slowly get these things#they’ll happen immediately#and they’ll likely stick the whole time#(I say likely just because hand eye coordination can be pretty easy to re correct. At least it was for me)#(tho other depth perception issues stay)#(or at least they take a lot longer for you to get used to - time that I did not have)#also never close one of your eyes for several months straight#I mean that’s probably really fucking obvious#but I do wish someone told 13 yr me that#there are other solutions to double vision
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thinking about lucanis with an antivan crow rook who’s from the complete opposite side of the faction. she’s from one of those other houses lucanis wouldn’t recommend to anyone seeking a contract, one of the houses that traffics and tortures their assassins as children and molds them into weapons. there are no family ties or loyalty where rook is from— you’re a crow because refusing means death.
i know the “canon” bit for an antivan rook is that viago sidelined them, but i’m not a huge fan of that. i want a rook who thinks lucanis is a silver-spoon try hard who only got his notoriety because of granny dellamorte’s influence. yeah, it sucks that your entire family dynamic revolves around murder and assassination training but at least he has a family, where rook had handlers and competitors.
when they finally share how different their upbringings were, lucanis is shellshocked. he’s heard stories, but there’s no way any respectable crow house would be that horrible? and the way rook talks about it so casually as if it’s normal, says things about being a crow he doesn’t quite understand under the assumption he’d relate— ouch. it all clicks together and he can’t do anything but want to hold her, wishes he could take her home to treviso and show her what a family is like even if his own is a touch dysfunctional, tries to keep stoking that light in her eyes that flares up when she talks about anything but the crows.
as much as he’s trying to recover from the ossuary, trying to find his softness and regain his humanity while also struggling against spite’s influence, rook is a beacon to him. look at her, someone so hurt by the world still trying to save it, still wanting so badly to help even though no one has ever tried to help her. lucanis wants to help, wants to be so good for her, wants to show her that there’s life outside being a crow, wants to make that life with her.
it’s a slow burn for them both— it’ll take a while before rook lets herself fall for lucanis, she might even go about with someone else like emmerich or davrin, someone who doesn’t know as much about where she comes from. but lucanis is as much something she’s never seen before as she is a surprise to him, a crow who can be soft, can make stupid jokes and care for others, who makes grocery lists and waxes poetic about coffee. what’s she’s seen as privileged ignorance melts away to reveal lucanis’ soft, sticky sweet center, and by the time she finally realizes it, rook is already addicted.
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every single time i try to speculate on what jax’s “big bad secret” is going to be revealed as later in the story i get stuck. repeatedly.
like okay. if you haven’t noticed, goose has been foreshadowing this like a lot. the little detail of jax having keys that can open any door that seems a LITTLE too specific for it to just be a one-off thing. the clear implication that jax’s room is supposed to hold a secret of some kind (cough the pins). on her list of content warnings for tadc she literally put “jax” as one of the warnings. (presumably as a half joke but she’s very monotone so im not really sure.) apparently he “likes a lot of things he’s not willing to admit”, which is ominous as hell?? his dynamic with pomni is MESSY now apparently.
so my guess is that he’s going to do something absolutely, completely unforgivable in the future. or something really bad happens related to him or something idk. SOMETHING related to him contains dark themes, but the more i think about how the environment of the digital circus works, the more confusing it gets.
like. okay well he can’t exactly kill any of his castmates so that’s sort of out of the question. can he make someone abstract? possibly. maybe that’s what happened to queenie… but i think the rest of the cast would be WAY more unforgiving/cold to him if that actually happened. so probably not. i think with what we know now, maybe he could realistically set caine off so badly that it results in like… super dire consequences. like maybe the world starts glitching out and makes someone abstract bc of it or something. eyedeekay!
it’s also difficult too bc there’s so much we still don’t really know about the circus. like before episode 3 we had absolutely no idea that caine’s emotional state affected the “structural integrity” of the circus i guess.
also… and i know people are gonna disagree with me on this… i do not think we know enough about jax to have an “in character” image of him in our heads. like yeah his surface level traits are there but we really don’t know a lot about him. like at all. i think the closest we’ve ever been shown to “the real jax” (excluding the crumbs that goose has given us) are those scenes in episode 1 where he breaks character a little bit and looks super tired as if he’s putting up a facade. which i DO think he is, it’s just that his motivations are super important too and we’re completely unaware of what he’s actually planning on doing later on….
also extra note before i finish my silly rant. goose said on twitter that she saw a piece of fanart for tadc that mirrors something that happens later on in the story and ive seen quite a few pieces on the tumblr front page for the #tadc hashtag that depict jax abstracting …so. idk if its gonna happen though teehee. okay bye guys.
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which subtle way of saying 'i love you' are you?
doing things for them without being asked to.
you're observant and you know your loved ones so well, you know when to do things for them without having to ask (or be asked) what they need. they don't always know how much you do for them; there's no need pointing it out, you're just happy to help.
you do things simply to make others feel better and lighten their burdens, and expect nothing in return: their happiness is enough for you, even if they don't always know you're the one who caused it. still, as good as it might feel to give and give and keep on giving, please allow them to do things for you in return.
people feel better when they're being helpful (you should know this, more than anyone) and no matter how hard it might feel for you to accept help from someone, you should take it when they readily give it to you. you deserve to be loved in the way you love them, too. you won't be a burden -- and remember: a real friend will love you even when you're not constantly being useful, because your company is more than enough.
stolen from: @raisedcold (thank you for introducing me to this <33)
tagging: @question-marked, @twcfaces, @adamanteine, @markhit, and anyone else who might like to complete this quiz!
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#rp memes.#oh... oh so i see uquiz is still breaking hearts to this day huh JSJSJ 😭 nooo but the parts where it said 'no matter how hard it might feel#to accept help from someone you should take it' & 'their happiness is enough for you even if they don't always know you're the one who#caused it' are just. They're SO true in relation to barton because let me tell y'all i'm not trying to claim that he is a good person and#will never do so because that would just be a lie but i feel as if there are times where barton actually does show some humanity + does#things for people that he doesn't have to especially for people like his family or those he cares about in general buttt...#he doesn't like to accept help from other's so it's like GAHHH just stop doing this to yourself man and let other people care about you#in return even though this man feels this need for punishment sometimes in regards to the bad thing's he's done which. yeah there is a#lengthy list of but he loved marceline & he triesss to love his kids but god damn is this guy REALLY not good at it sometimes#either unintentionally or intentionally but yeah. he does try whenever he can so although that doesn't excuse his behavior...#that does say something about him
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Coincidentally "ohh doggy!" Is the same thing that comes to mind spotting you out in the wild of my dashboard
Don't have any fucking doggy reaction pics only kitty cat and horsey so have this crude edit. Wags my tail at this ^_^ correct reaction too. If you catch me around you gotta do a Tommy Wiseau and hit me with the oh hi doggy!. It's the morally correct choice.
#luly talks#free to adapt based on whichever animal I'm vibing w hardest at the time alternatively too#unless I'm monkey posting which is rare but i think best case scenario there is throw some fruit at me and keep the distance#but that's RARE tbh only twice or thrice have i had those eras#honestly I'd make a list of all the animals i relate to and to what degree i wont but i could.#though kitty doggy horsey and rarely monki are my main ones and cats are not Even yknow like#i have cat like qualities but i am not a cat per se. more like a dog that was socialized around cats. if doggy was kitty y'know#l.l. is my dogsona in spirit and that iss shown in them bc they're mostly dog but can still purr and have cat-like reactions to things#horses are Completely detached from it tho to the point i cant even make a sona or fursona or whatever#its the most face value stuff. like just picture a horse. now give me a sugar cube. y'know#or spicy curry. i wont survive it but I'll love it.#i once made a whole list of all the others i mean cows are big up there there's a reason why cowly exists#cow eyes are something my family has too. big dark cow eyes. my eyes look not as big bc I'm always experiencing sensory overload and im chic#ato and im sleepy but TRUST ME BRO. WHEN IM HEALTHY MY EYES LOOK SO BIG AND ROUND#I think cow mood really requires in general a deep fucking level of peace.#yeah some of these are like only achievable thru certain emotions.#dog is very versatile too bc it has that biting back quality to it. though luckily I've been not needing to bare teeth#yet i keep tasting copper. curious!#yeah I'm just infodumping now you caught me b4 bedtime and i just felt like talking about this ok. pretends to jump on you#asks#anon
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it has been about 6 years since i last worked in a purely information security setting, but since we were also part of central IT for a major university, we did these routine outreach and education projects to try to get the students to not do sketchy shit with their technology, and to practice better information privacy, etc
we’d host little pop-up events with games and prizes and stickers—we had little characters for all the different IT threats you might encounter while doing nonsense on the internet
and honestly i can’t even remember which threat this little guy is supposed to represent anymore, but he lives on the back of my laptop now and i love him
anyway:
1. don’t click spam links in your email.
2. don’t plug in random usb sticks you find on the ground.
3. don’t scan sketchy QR codes. but if you do and they invite you and your family, regardless of blood type, to a gathering in remote montana in 2025, do not go.
#semi-related—and feel free to call me a killjoy about this—but those hyper specific polls#you can vote in them and it’s *probably* mostly fine#like on the list of things that are risky to do on this site voting on polls like that and even occasionally providing additional info#in the tags is not a particularly high risk activity#but when you make a hyper specific poll that is clearly about you specifically and your experiences#(which to be fair is understandable esp if you have cool experiences that are very unique to you)#you are essentially creating another means of making yourself identifiable when that is maybe not what you are trying to do#and while i think the risk is still overall low it isn’t a risk-free activity and it is for sure riskier than just voting#in a bunch of different polls that would be harder for a malicious actor to collate and examine#making one of those polls essentially does the hard work for someone who may be looking to verify that you are who they suspect you are#not because they want to turn you into the next subject of a true crime podcast calm down#but probably for targeted spear-phishing#anyway just some thoughts
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WIP Ask Game
Rules: post the names of all the files in your wip folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it!
I wasn't tagged for this I'm just procrastinating, and it's been a while since I did this one so New! Filenames! Appear! I left out my main AU WIP and also a couple that got asked about in previous editions of this meme. These are all Loki show/MCU fics because apparently that is my Thing at the moment:
5 times seduction
lokius stockholm syndrome fic
sylki hurt-comfort (but she's shit at it)
parry
mobius made them do it
the one with the file
fucked up sakaar dubcon fic again
straightforward
twee thor
suddenfilth
thor's tragic arranged marriage (NOT THORKI FIC)
#wip ask game#writing memes#some of these are actually fairly descriptive! some less so! but still!#i am gonna go look for more meme things i can waste my time with now!#the ones with brackets do actually have brackets i didn't just add those here to be fancy#i'd say of this list maybe 3 and a half of them are Fucked Up so that's not bad!#and only 3 of them are Mostly Just Filth!#(there may or not be in filth in some of the others BUT!!! not the whole plot!! other stuff happens too!!)#these fics vary from 'i have most of this written' to 'i only have two sentences of this but i also have BIG DREAMS'#at one point i had *two* Lokius Stockholm Syndrome WIPs but one of them has ended up part of '5 times seduction' and i shuffled bits etc#I JUST RLY WANT THERE TO BE MORE (ANY) DARK LOKIUS FICS IN THE WORLD OKAY???? D: D: D:#if you're asking why i have had to label something as NOT THORKI FIC... umm... the sylki-to-thorki pipeline is TOTALLY a thing#but i am not going to write the Actually Incest Pairing it's just that this one has a bit where thor thinks his bro is hot#IN A PLOT-RELEVANT WAY DAMN IT. HE'S NOT JUST DOING IT FOR HIS HEALTH. OR FOR INCEST REASONS.#(oh god i'm going to write the incest pairing at some point aren't i)#fic related
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So @contagiousgrace left an open tag for a Taylor Swift ask set, and while not all of the questions interest me these three compel me to answer
(No repeats! I made all three lists concurrently and did a lot of shuffling around.)
Six Taylor songs that are among my personal favorites:
"cowboy like me"
"Starlight"
"the last great american dynasty"
"Fearless"
"How You Get The Girl"
"22"
Six Taylor songs that I believe are objectively her best:
"All Too Well" (10MV if we're drawing a distinction but the original belongs here in its own right)
"ivy"
"Sparks Fly"
"Style"
"Would've, Could've, Should've"
"illicit affairs"
Six Taylor songs that are the most me:
"You're On Your Own, Kid"
"Sad Beautiful Tragic"
"Long Live"
"The Best Day"
"champagne problems"
"Bigger Than The Whole Sky"
Would be interested in hearing from @citrussunrises , @lovesodeepandwideandwell , and @nothinggold13 , but no pressure. If you're interested in these prompts, consider yourself tagged!
#tay tay#i just find the different ways that we love music (and art more generally) so so interesting#'i love singing it' vs 'i relate to it' vs 'i have never lived anything like this but I feel like it was plucked straight from my head'#vs 'i am in awe of the craft' vs 'it gives me shivers '#I'd make a list for each of those if i was feeling a bit more motivated#though honestly there's so much overlap that with a lot of artists you'd end up running out of songs if you did that#the wonderful thing about Taylor's music is that i can make a list for each and every song i name is still 100% a favorite#she's just so prolific and I love so many of her songs#anyway#ask me hard questions
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never forget what they took from you (cloud strife’s purple one suit jumper thing)
#ITS STILL PURPLE IN MY HEART OK#ive been playing ff14 and thus started thinking about ff7 and god I love cloud strife that little blonde bitch#and now I can relate to him threefold im not just mentally ill and have a funky gender anymore. ive those things AND I have a chronic#disorder! whoopee! advent children was good for being pretty and fun and the geostigma plot point idc if it was 'bad' or whatever#actually I have two lol lets goooo also hes also bisexual. to me. so add that to the list#final fantasy vii#cloud strife#siren says
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my favourite persona characters will forever be yusuke kitagawa, theodore and tohru adachi. in that order, but also the difference is miniscule.
#maybe when i finally get to p1 and p2 the list will change or expand#but you can still pretty much tell everything about me from those faves#if you consider that my faves are always characters i relate most to#with p2 i expect the addition of baofu#and with p1 i don't know a single thing
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...
#ugh. the fucking struggle of a thing i will not talk about. its just an off shoot of one of my many#obessive compulsive tendencies. it just makes me think of my dad. like hes also a fucking anxious person but hes like. i have the thoughts#but then i dont let them control me so its not an issue. and he knos i get caught up on the structure and identification of problems so#hes always like. its only an issue if its like ruining ur life. and hes right and i definitely meet the standards of both of those things#bc im fucking thinking abt these things constantly. its in my head literally all the time. every second of the day#and i mean i guess this specific thing isnt ruining my life but it certainly isnt helpful and in combo with everything else my quality of#life is not what it could b. idk it just feels all empty which is y i became a fucking workaholic#bc i just get so fucking bored stuck in these stupid patterns that at least i can make myseld useful as i drive myself nuts#it also doesnt help that im still trying to unfuck my leg and not being very successful bc theres this fucking voice in my head like#keep moving. u cant sit down. walk around. dont stop. dont stop. dont stop. i can feel the muscles getting irritated again#its unbearable bc it doesn't really even hurt. i just kno im fucking it up for myself and i have all this excess energy that i cant get rid#of bc i cant run. anyway its just irritating#i probably triggered myself by watching the bear all day lol. its so good but it reminds me of working in a shitty banquet hall when my#brain was on fire. and theyve got that toxic workahoism that i so desperately cling to. and in a weird way i can relate tho their fucked#up mom when everyones just trying to help but shes so fixated on this thing that's clearly causing her distress but shes just screaming at#them. like i mean i have insight into my issues and i try not to let them affect anyone but me but its so hard when its like. i have to do#this thing. i have to do it. i kno its bad. i kno its fucked up but shut the fuck up and let me do this. u dont fucking understand#but i wouldn't say that bc i kno its irrational. ugh. i also have to go to a lab dinner tomorrow. maybe#no time has been listed so idk. its for my leaving so im technically the focus. hate that for me. whatever. itll b fine#at least the place is within walking distance and its like less than 3 weeks until i leave#unrelated
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Homemaking, gardening, and self-sufficiency resources that won't radicalize you into a hate group
It seems like self-sufficiency and homemaking skills are blowing up right now. With the COVID-19 pandemic and the current economic crisis, a lot of folks, especially young people, are looking to develop skills that will help them be a little bit less dependent on our consumerist economy. And I think that's generally a good thing. I think more of us should know how to cook a meal from scratch, grow our own vegetables, and mend our own clothes. Those are good skills to have.
Unfortunately, these "self-sufficiency" skills are often used as a recruiting tactic by white supremacists, TERFs, and other hate groups. They become a way to reconnect to or relive the "good old days," a romanticized (false) past before modern society and civil rights. And for a lot of people, these skills are inseparably connected to their politics and may even be used as a tool to indoctrinate new people.
In the spirit of building safe communities, here's a complete list of the safe resources I've found for learning homemaking, gardening, and related skills. Safe for me means queer- and trans-friendly, inclusive of different races and cultures, does not contain Christian preaching, and does not contain white supremacist or TERF dog whistles.
Homemaking/Housekeeping/Caring for your home:
Making It by Kelly Coyne and Erik Knutzen [book] (The big crunchy household DIY book; includes every level of self-sufficiency from making your own toothpaste and laundry soap to setting up raised beds to butchering a chicken. Authors are explicitly left-leaning.)
Safe and Sound: A Renter-Friendly Guide to Home Repair by Mercury Stardust [book] (A guide to simple home repair tasks, written with rentals in mind; very compassionate and accessible language.)
How To Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis [book] (The book about cleaning and housework for people who get overwhelmed by cleaning and housework, based on the premise that messiness is not a moral failing; disability and neurodivergence friendly; genuinely changed how I approach cleaning tasks.)
Gardening
Rebel Gardening by Alessandro Vitale [book] (Really great introduction to urban gardening; explicitly discusses renter-friendly garden designs in small spaces; lots of DIY solutions using recycled materials; note that the author lives in England, so check if plants are invasive in your area before putting them in the ground.)
Country/Rural Living:
Woodsqueer by Gretchen Legler [book] (Memoir of a lesbian who lives and works on a rural farm in Maine with her wife; does a good job of showing what it's like to be queer in a rural space; CW for mentions of domestic violence, infidelity/cheating, and internalized homophobia)
"Debunking the Off-Grid Fantasy" by Maggie Mae Fish [video essay] (Deconstructs the off-grid lifestyle and the myth of self-reliance)
Sewing/Mending:
Annika Victoria [YouTube channel] (No longer active, but their videos are still a great resource for anyone learning to sew; check out the beginner project playlist to start. This is where I learned a lot of what I know about sewing.)
Make, Sew, and Mend by Bernadette Banner [book] (A very thorough written introduction to hand-sewing, written by a clothing historian; lots of fun garment history facts; explicitly inclusive of BIPOC, queer, and trans sewists.)
Sustainability/Land Stewardship
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer [book] (Most of you have probably already read this one or had it recommended to you, but it really is that good; excellent example of how traditional animist beliefs -- in this case, indigenous American beliefs -- can exist in healthy symbiosis with science; more philosophy than how-to, but a great foundational resource.)
Wild Witchcraft by Rebecca Beyer [book] (This one is for my fellow witches; one of my favorite witchcraft books, and an excellent example of a place-based practice deeply rooted in the land.)
Avoiding the "Crunchy to Alt Right Pipeline"
Note: the "crunchy to alt-right pipeline" is a term used to describe how white supremacists and other far right groups use "crunchy" spaces (i.e., spaces dedicated to farming, homemaking, alternative medicine, simple living/slow living, etc.) to recruit and indoctrinate people into their movements. Knowing how this recruitment works can help you recognize it when you do encounter it and avoid being influenced by it.
"The Crunchy-to-Alt-Right Pipeline" by Kathleen Belew [magazine article] (Good, short introduction to this issue and its history.)
Sisters in Hate by Seyward Darby (I feel like I need to give a content warning: this book contains explicit descriptions of racism, white supremacy, and Neo Nazis, and it's a very difficult read, but it really is a great, in-depth breakdown of the role women play in the alt-right; also explicitly addresses the crunchy to alt-right pipeline.)
These are just the resources I've personally found helpful, so if anyone else has any they want to add, please, please do!
#homemaking#homemaking resources#gardening#urban gardening#self sufficiency#self sufficient living#sustainability#sustainable living#homesteading#nontrad homemaker#nontrad housewife#urban homesteading#solarpunk#cottagecore#kitchen witch#kitchen witchcraft#crunchy to alt right pipeline#book rec#book recommendations#resource#long post#mine#racism tw#racism mention#transphobia tw#transphobia mention
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The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.
I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.
And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!
We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.
There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.
Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.
Except...
I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.
I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.
The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.
Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".
There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.
And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.
His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.
I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.
That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.
I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.
Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.
Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.
If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.
It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.
I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.
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I spent the evening looking into this AI shit and made a wee informative post of the information I found and thought all artists would be interested and maybe help yall?
edit: forgot to mention Glaze and Nightshade to alter/disrupt AI from taking your work into their machines. You can use these and post and it will apparently mess up the AI and it wont take your content into it's machine!
edit: ArtStation is not AI free! So make sure to read that when signing up if you do! (this post is also on twt)
[Image descriptions: A series of infographics titled: “Opt Out AI: [Social Media] and what I found.” The title image shows a drawing of a person holding up a stack of papers where the first says, ‘Terms of Service’ and the rest have logos for various social media sites and are falling onto the floor. Long transcriptions follow.
Instagram/Meta (I have to assume Facebook).
Hard for all users to locate the “opt out” options. The option has been known to move locations.
You have to click the opt out link to submit a request to opt out of the AI scraping. *You have to submit screenshots of your work/face/content you posted to the app, is curretnly being used in AI. If you do not have this, they will deny you.
Users are saying after being rejected, are being “meta blocked”
People’s requests are being accepted but they still have doubts that their content won’t be taken anyways.
Twitter/X
As of August 2023, Twitter’s ToS update:
“Twitter has the right to use any content that users post on its platform to train its AI models, and that users grant Twitter a worldwide, non-exclusive, royalty-free license to do so.”
There isn’t much to say. They’re doing the same thing Instagram is doing (to my understanding) and we can’t even opt out.
Tumblr
They also take your data and content and sell it to AI models.
But you’re in luck!
It is very simply to opt out (Wow. Thank Gods)
Opt out on Desktop: click on your blog > blog settings > scroll til you see visibility options and it’ll be the last option to toggle
Out out of Mobile: click your blog > scroll then click visibility > toggle opt out option
TikTok
I took time skim their ToS and under “How We Use Your Information” and towards the end of the long list: “To train and improve our technology, such as our machine learning models and algorithms.”
Regarding data collected; they will only not sell your data when “where restricted by applicable law”. That is not many countries. You can refuse/disable some cookies by going into settings > ads > turn off targeted ads.
I couldn’t find much in AI besides “our machine learning models” which I think is the same thing.
What to do?
In this age of the internet, it’s scary! But you have options and can pick which are best for you!
Accepting these platforms collection of not only your artwork, but your face! And not only your faces but the faces of those in your photos. Your friends and family. Some of those family members are children! Some of those faces are minors! I shudder to think what darker purposes those faces could be used for.
Opt out where you can! Be mindful and know the content you are posting is at risk of being loaded to AI if unable to opt out.
Fully delete (not archive) your content/accounts with these platforms. I know it takes up to 90 days for instagram to “delete” your information. And even keep it for “legal” purposes like legal prevention.
Use lesser known social media platforms! Some examples are; Signal, Mastodon, Diaspora, et. As well as art platforms: Artfol, Cara, ArtStation, etc.
The last drawing shows the same person as the title saying, ‘I am, by no means, a ToS autistic! So feel free to share any relatable information to these topics via reply or qrt!
I just wanted to share the information I found while searching for my own answers cause I’m sure people have the same questions as me.’ \End description] (thank you @a-captions-blog!)
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The Grayzone has obtained slides from a confidential Israel lobby presentation based on data from Republican pollster Frank Luntz. They contain talking points for politicians and public figures seeking to justify Israel’s assault on the Gaza Strip. Two prominent pro-Israel lobby groups are holding private briefings in New York City to coach elected officials and well-known figures on how to influence public opinion in favor of the Israeli military’s rampage in Gaza, The Grayzone can reveal. These PR sessions, convened by the UJA-Federation and Jewish Community Relations Council, rely on data collected by Frank Luntz, a veteran Republican pollster and pundit. [...] The Luntz-tested presentations on the war in Gaza urge politicians to avoid trumpeting America’s supposedly shared democratic values with Israel, and focus instead on deploying “The Language of War with Hamas.” According to this framing, they must deploy incendiary language painting Hamas as a “brutal and savage…organization of hate” which has “raped women,” while insisting Israel is engaged in “a war for humanity.” [...] Luntz’s Gaza war presentation puts his poll-tested tactics back in the Israel lobby’s hands, urging pro-Israel public figures to stay on the attack with incendiary language and shocking allegations against their enemies. In one focus group, Luntz asked participants to state which alleged act by Hamas on October 7 “bothers you more.” After being presented with a laundry list of alleged atrocities, a majority declared that they were most upset by the claim that Hamas “raped civilians” – 19 percent more than those who expressed outrage that Hamas supposedly “exterminated civilians.” Data like this apparently influenced the Israeli government to launch an obsessive but still unsuccessful campaign to prove that Hamas carried out sexual assault on a systematic basis on October 7. Initiated at Israel’s United Nations mission in December 2023 with speeches by neoliberal tech oligarch Sheryl Sandberg and former US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, a recipient of hundreds of thousands of dollars in donations and speaking fees from Israel lobby organizations, Tel Aviv’s propaganda blitz has yet to produce a single self-identified victim of sexual assault by Hamas. A March 5 report by UN Special Representative on Sexual Violence Pramila Patten did not contain one direct testimony of sexual assault on October 7. What’s more, Patten’s team said they found “no digital evidence specifically depicting acts of sexual violence.”
They also advice to use different language for Democrat and Republican voters, which inadvertently provides one of the most succinct explanation of the difference between the two genocidal parties that I've ever come across:
To make their arguments stick, Luntz recommends pro-Israel forces avoid the exterminationist language favored by Israeli officials who have called, for example, to “erase” the population of Gaza, and to instead advocate for “an efficient, effective approach” to eliminating Hamas. At the same time, veteran pollster acknowledges that Republican voters prefer phrases which imply maximalist violence, like “eradicate” and “obliterate,” while sanitized terms like “neutralize” appeal more to Democrats. Republican presidential candidates Nikki Haley and Donald Trump have showcased similar focus-grouped rhetoric with their calls to “finish them” and “finish the problem” in Gaza.
One of the slides, illustrating what language to use:
There are several more slides in the article. I recommend reading the whole thing, start to finish. One more thing I'd like to highlight though:
Luntz acknowledges Israel’s mounting PR problems in a slide identifying the most powerful tactics employed by Palestine solidarity activists. “Israelis attacking Israel is the second most potent weapon against Israel,” the visual display reads beside a photo of a protest by Jewish Voices for Peace, a US-based Jewish organization dedicated to ending Israel’s occupation of Palestine. “The most potent” tactic in mobilizing opposition to Israel’s assault on Gaza, according to Luntz, “is the visual destruction of Gaza and the human toll.” The slide inadvertently acknowledges the cruelty of Israel’s bombardment of Gaza, displaying a bombed out apartment building with clearly anguished women and children fleeing in the foreground. But Luntz assures his audience, “It ‘looks like a genocide’ even though the damage has nothing to do with the definition.” According to this logic, the American public can become more tolerant of copiously documented crimes against humanity if they are simply told not to believe their lying eyes.
. . . full article on GZ (6 Mar 2024)
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physically feeling the jealousy invading my every senses
#trying to compensate for my loneliness with plants and collecting as many as i can#and yet im still not satisfied and im tired of going to sleep and waking constantly thinking about how i could die#and no one would notice which might not be true ik but it's still my biggest insecurity and im tired of crying alone#and not having anyone at all to comfort me#and it's actually hard to breathe and something has been sitting on my chest restricting it for so long and it's so lonely#and i genuinely might die from the pain some day soon#growing up like this so isolated from my peers god i feel so stupid i want friends is that really too much to ask#such a first world problem mayhaps which makes me feel even shittier bc it's the biggest thing that eats at me inside out these days#no one ever understands. ever. and they say they do but they dont because how could they they havent lived a day in my shoes#and it's all just so so lonely#idk whatever#it'll all pass soon#i cant talk to anyone#im always the one listening to what's happening around me and no one bothers listening bc why would they they cant relate#they're not interested#at this point i dont even know how to socialize and i try to but it doesnt work and no one cares enough to reach out to me#and one girl did but i didnt know how to reply or handle it and now she's gone too#and now my closest friend is my five year old sister how funny is that#my contact list is so so so damn long and yet none of those numbers and names would care#or they would ik that but it doesnt feel like they would remember#ignore this im just trying to cope#i thought i was okay i was seven months clean#not anymore#of course not#bc nothing is ever simple
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