#that 'somehow' was probably more like 'Oh thank god our kid doesn't feel too big for this kind of stuff' on my parents part

[fennopunk]

When I was around 13 or 15, a toilet paper brand had one of those "cut this little picture from the packaging and once you have this amount, mail them to us and you'll get this cute little toy". The toy in question was a stuffed lamb keychain and I NEEDED IT, so I somehow talked my parents to only buy that one brand until I got my lamb.

And that's why I still, almost 20 years later, can't go anywhere without a little stuffed lamb in my bag and why I still feel wrong buying any other toilet paper.

And somehow it came as a surprise to me that I'm not as neurotypical as a thought...

[pstelwitchcraft]

Critical Role - C3EP52 (After the break)

We're back with more Sending fails!

F.r.i.d.a looks so cool i love themmm

Also the kids are starting to get strong i love it

Feels like yesterday when imogen had like, 10 hit points

Also this is absolutely the leylines being fucked

Something happened and magic everywhere is going heywire

I'm now convinced the exaltants are being "awakened" to be Predathos' army and it's all gonna go balls to the wall

Imogen has to be this campaign's double agent right? They're absolutely gonna have to fight her at some point and it's gonna wreck me

Now that I think about it does it mean they'll have to fight fearne too??? 😳

i'm getting vibes from imogen and f.r.i.d.a and i don't hate it? 👀

Exandria's Greatest Bake-Off: Pike Trickfoot vs. FCG and their easy-bake oven

Ooooo fearne has pass without a trace now? Thank God

Once again i got sad we won't see marisha, liam and tal tonight 😔 hope we have robbie with them tho, maybe even more people from EXU?? I hope we get to see Opal!

Chetney still struggling 😅

I don't know Dustel but I f*cking hate him 🤬

Chetney backstory finally!

Don't get me wrong I'm very excited but I knew it was gonna be some bullshit 🤣

Travis is NOT here for anything serious this campaign AT ALL

He "kneecaped" someone?????

Aabria somehow has great chemistry with everybody she ever roleplays with it's the Iyengar effect istg

That little talk with chet was so cute

And then... fearne tells deanna he has horrible diarrhea

They keep making it worse 😅

This IS indeed a wild group to meet out of nowhere

"Be nice to us, we're trying our best" 🤣 they're so stupid but I love them sm 💖

This is probably the most vulnerable and reasonable FCG has been all campaign for real

I don't think the real problem here is whether or not the gods are good, it's whether or not the Godeater is good, and even before we worry about that, it's about whether or not its gonna wreck everything and everyone in it's path to the Gods

Imogen herself is most likely gonna die for whatever this whole thing is if they let it happen

Like are we really willing to do all this shit and possibly extinguish all life on Exandria when you could like... not worship the Gods? It's not like they're forced to or smtg

Wait. WAIT. So if Ruidus is wherever (whenever?) the other half of the group is and it's NOT in Exandria anymore there are really only two possibilities for where the others are: back in time or in another realm and both are big problems for us

Matt please let my babies see each other I'm getting sad rn

Oh shiiiiiit this is a big big mess yall 😳

So ruidus is in exandria it just doesn't move?? So the others are actually still in Marquet then

It's the Reilora 😱 this is baaad

Yup, they're already trying to pull her to the dark side. This is gonna be a mess. I'm preemptively so upset for how much this is going to hurt.

I have a feeling this is how they really got to Liliana and all those people. Whatever Predathos is, it has some sort of pull on people that makes them want to give into it, specially the ruidusborn and even more specially the exaltants.

Do not listen to the robot right now

Laudna would be slapping yall in the face for even SUGGESTING IT

Do NOT let Imogen go into the freaking alien godeater hivemind or so help me GOD

See? This is why I get worried when they're separated they're like each other's emotional support pet, two days and Imogen is already considering going into the damn light

This scene with f.r.i.d.a is giving that scene from twilight without the homoerotic undressing

Why, why would he go to chetney alone like that?? He has almost taken half the party once this is BAD!

Tho we know robot boy is a heavy hitter so I guess it could go either way🤷

This is the only place where we can get heartfelt, beautiful monologues about the meaning of death and life and morning toot in the same episode and that's why I love this show

This fight is giving one of those old chihuahuas that keep snapping at your ankles but that has for some reason taken a burning passion rage against your robot vacuum

Also you can't convince me a dog wouldn't absolutely hate this thing

It would just feel like a threat, this weird human that isn't human and it can mimick stuff but also it sounds weird? My dogs would go NUTS

Listen. I'll be a chetney apologist for this one. I'm a wildlife veterinarian and animal behaviorist and idk where dude thought he was gonna get off approaching a wolf like that, or honestly approaching him alone at all

Surprising he survived all this time in wildemont tbh but I'll give him a pass bc it's is D&D

Love that Deanna is so horrified by them when this is not even the full party 😅 like, ma'am we're missing- *checks notes* one tree/cadaver/goo person, a magic rock rainbow sparkle barbarian and a 4ft tall widowed ballerina that is prob covered in monster blood as we speak 😀

Final thoughts:

Overall I loved this one, it was light and fun and everything I needed after all the stress from the last few weeks

I also enjoyed the split party dynamic more than I thought it would and I am hopeful it's gonna lead to some good things in the long run

It's a bold move ngl. One of the quintessential, funnest things about D&D parties is the found family, the unity of it all, it's seeing them spend time with each other and develop different dynamics, games, inside jokes

In any other situation it might alienate party members from each other and make it not feel as cohesive, maybe even jeopardize the forming of a tight bond.

But with Bell's Hells we have such close pairings that this almost feels like it has to be done

Fearne and Orym, FCG and Ashton, Laudna and Imogen are all pairings that came together and rely deeply on each other, to the point where it felt a little stiffening to the other members of the group bc these people very rarely sought deeper companionship and support from anyone other than their initial pairing

Also we can get a closer look at Chetney's backstory and hopefully Ashton's next episode when I'm hoping we'll see how the others are doing

I also was hoping there would be some time fuckery or realm travel and still kind of am, but it's sounding like the other half of the Hells were still in Marquet by the end of 52

If they are still in close proximity to the beam it's going to be a mess and I have no idea what to expect but chaos, specially since they can't call the others and I'm guessing shit is going DOWN over there

If they are indeed in the shadowfell, close to the key that Beau and Caleb tried to take down, I wonder if they could go after that connection and weaken whatever they are doing to Ruidus, hopefully even sever that connection completely.

[arechickensreal]

cove and mc first date hcs? <3

(Thanks for sending this in!! This one was rlly cute, so I had a really fun time writing it!! you weren’t too specific, so i just kind of went with the flow lol (this also takes a little inspo from some of my personal experiences, but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless!) ~)

✿Cove and MC's first date headcanons ✿

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Okay lemme just say

This boy is NERVOUS AS HELL when you decide to make it an official date instead of just hanging out.

But the day leading up to the date - he is a giddy, smiley mess. He is so so so excited.

No matter what you guys are actually doing for the date, he goes ABOVE AND BEYOND to prepare (tbh he would prob go above and beyond for every date you would go on, but more so for your first date)

He makes an effort to dress a little nicer than usual (but not like super formal like the soiree or the charity event), makes sure he’s all freshened up, maybe even wears a little cologne, and even makes sure there isn’t any sand or anything on him (even tho there probably still is)

He shows up at your door (or probably your window) and oh my god, that man looks STUNNING.

He probably also even brings you a little gift like flowers or something cute like that. This boy is very thoughtful.

Okay now onto the date itself.

I feel like you guys would do something different than what you normally do together when you're hanging out. So not hanging out at the hill or the beach or anything.

I feel like for your first date you would do something pretty classic tho like going out for dinner or seeing a movie together.

Cove definitely offers to pay for both (whether you let him or not is up to you lmao)

He probably also buys you a little something like he did when you were kids too.

Throughout the whole date, he has his classic little wobbly smile on his face. He’s shaking a little, but you can tell he’s genuinely really happy

He’s probably still processing the fact that you’re on a proper date with him LMAO

“ohmygodimonadatewithmcohmygodholycraphsakdkvsgkbskdv”

Probably trying his best to rack up the courage to even ASK to hold your hand

He keeps glancing at your hands, and then back at his.

If you hold his first, he’s a little shocked and is a bit tense at first, but he eases into it.

And don't even get me started on kissing.

He probably DOES want to kiss you, but is just kind of internally freaking out about it

Probably thinking stuff like:

‘Wow, MC looks really nice. i really wanna kiss them. Is it too early for that? It’s only our first date. How do i know if they’re comfortable or if they WANT to kiss? C’mon cove you should ask them. Wait *should* I ask them? Would that be weird? Hhhhhh”

His brain is running in circles rn

If you don’t make a move, he would probably chicken out and not kiss you cuz he's scared its not gonna be good or you wont like it

But if you DO make the first move and kiss HIM first…

*cove.exe has stopped working*

“Abjsdvcsamddhwvajscvasohmygodmohmygodmohmygod”

“cove? Cove?!? COVE?????!!”

After the shock wears off and he's able to think properly again, he's just a big, smiley, blushy mess.

No matter what you do for the date, you somehow find yourselves back at the hill or the beach eventually (but are we really surprised? no.)

After the two of you part ways for the night and return to your respective homes, cove is still a giddy, smiling, happy mess.

Without even getting changed, he flops onto his bed, and just kinda melts.

This boy is smiling into his pillow, just absolutely bursting with pure joy and happiness. He literally loves you SO damn much. Probably more than you could ever imagine

But he eventually does get changed properly. He doesn't just go to bed in the clothes he wore out on ur date lol.

As soon as you get home, there’s no escape from the ruthless teasing from both Liz AND the moms.

They’ll leave you alone after you go up to your room tho, don’t worry

Overall, both you and cove had a really good time on your first date! Definitely a day the two of you will remember :>

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Rules for Requests/Asks || Masterlist || Send asks/requests here!

[castielific]

Title: Fancy and the tramp

Story status: Complete, 8 chapters

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Dean/Castiel, Alternate Universe, Fake boyfriends, pretend relationship, homeless!Dean, rich!Cas, family, angst with a happy ending, temporary breakup, getting back together, coming out, past!homophobia, self esteem issues, Dean Winchester has a sexuality crisis, first time, homelessness, bed sharing, pining

Sex tags: anal sex, switching, bottom!Cas, bottom!Dean, first time, frottage, marking, blowjob, fingering, barebacking

Special warning: Contrary to what the title may presage, there are no spaghettis in this story. 

Summary: 

"Okay, let's be clear on one thing from the start. This is not a lifetime movie and I'm straight, so no falling in love, get it?"

"I get it, Dean," Castiel nods.

Well, that's it then, apparently Dean is going to a fancy engagement party with his new fake boyfriend. What a weird day. 

Link to AO3

Chapter 1 under the cut:

************

"Come on Ricky, you owe me that money!" Dean says on his phone, taking a step forward when the line of the coffee shop shortens. 

"I don't owe you shit, Dean. You still owe me the last three months of your rent," his ex landlord says on the phone.

"And I'll pay you, you know I will. But to get the money, I need a job, and to get that job I need some new clothes and-"

"Yeah yeah, I know the deal. You think no one has told me that one before? No bueno, man, I'm keeping your deposit," Ricky grumbles. 

Dean groans in frustration. "Come on, all I need is fifty dollars so I can buy a pair of pants without any holes in it. You give me fifty, I get the job and I pay you back, how does that sound?" he tries to negotiate. 

"Like a fucking lie," Ricky spits just before hanging up.

"No Ric-fuck!" 

The woman in front of him in line sends him a dark look. Dean rolls his eyes at her. Like she hasn't heard worse before. 

Ricky was his last shot. It was a long one, he really does owe that bastard some serious money. Guess he can kiss the job interview at two goodbye. It's some kind of assistant job. It sounds easy enough, buying coffee and picking dry cleaning and stuff. It was still a long shot anyway. Dean's only real job experience is being a bagger boy when he was seventeen and it lasted about two months before his dad decided to move them further east. 

So far, he'd always managed to get by doing repairs or cleaning at gas stops and motels. The older he gets and the harder it gets to find that kind of random job. People are more willing to give a few bucks in exchange for manual tasks to a kid than they are to a nearly thirty years old guy. Now they just tell him to fuck off. 

And since it's always been casual and off the book, the only official work experience he has is the bagger thing. He doesn't even have a high school diploma because he dropped out long before that. Not exactly a stellar resume. Which explains why he hasn't found work in eight month and is currently living in his car. Thank God he has Baby. 

He had been too ambitious thinking he could get his own place. It could only pay rent for about five months before he went broke. He's never had a home before, and had no idea that having an apartment cost so much. In motels, you don't exactly have to pay for water or heat or utilities. There was a bunch of stuff he hadn't planned for that ate up the last of his meagre savings. Ricky threw him out after three months when Dean couldn't scrape up enough money to pay rent anymore, putting a violent stop to Dean's pipe dream of living a normal life. He hoped it would be simpler to get a job if he had an actual address, had even thought about scrapping up enough to maybe get his GED. He's not sure what he's going to do now. 

He's always wanted to be a mechanic. If his dad ever taught him anything, it was how to take care of the Impala. John taught him all the basics and Dean got the knack of it. As a teen, he spent days reading car magazines and working on the Impala, trying to learn as much as he could about how cars worked and how to repair the different parts. He knows enough by now that he could easily work in a garage, but he's got no diploma, and hasn't found anyone willing to hire him on faith alone. 

The line of the coffee shop shortens again, the barista asking her order to the goody-two-shoes in front of him. Dean looks regretfully at the display of sandwiches. He searches his pockets and only comes up with three dollars. Of course, the cheapest piece of food cost four dollars. Dean sighs. Guess just a coffee will have to do today. 

He won't have another choice but to go to the soup kitchen tonight. He hates it there. The food is crap and he wants to punch the prancy people serving it. They always try to give him some Jesus bullshit with his food, like Jesus is ever gonna put a roof over his head and find him a decent job. Neither Jesus nor God nor whatever gives a crap about him. Not that he blames them. Hell, if they exist they're probably not big fans of the guy that used to slip into church as a kid to pick the lock of the donation box

"Just an americano, please," Dean says regretfully when the barista asks for his order. At least it will keep him warm and fill his stomach for a short while.

Halloween just went by and the weather is becoming really cold. He should use the last of Baby's tank to go as far south as he can before winter really hits. He probably won't get farther than Wichita though, and the thought makes him shiver. No one wants to get stuck for a winter in Wichita. Maybe he could go and see if he can make a few bucks at the nearest motel, that kind of place always needs a handyman's help. He hasn't tried the one on Corn Street yet. He's noticed only two lights are still working on their sign, he could offer to help with that. If he makes fifty bucks, he might be able to reach Austin. 

Dean stops on the sidewalk in front of the coffee shop, pondering if he should walk to the bar a few streets down or the motel. Sometimes Benny, the owner of the bar, lets him use the sink in the back to wash up. If he's lucky, he'll even get some leftovers from last night. It's generally just some stale pretzels, cold fries on good days, but it's still better than nothing. He's got two cans of beans and a car with an near empty tank to his name right now, so he's not picky. 

Dean takes a look at his watch. It's eleven thirty already, the leftovers are probably already in the trash at Benny's. The motel is probably his best bet. 

"I'll give you a hundred dollars if you pretend to be my boyfriend." comes a hoarse voice, way too close to his ear. 

Dean jumps, nearly spilling his coffee on himself. He spins to the right to face the man who just talked and is met with a pair of clear blue eyes. Way too close again. He waits a second for the man to take a step back as he realises as close Dean turning brought them, but the guy just continues to stare at him, head slightly tilted to the side. He's wearing an oversized trench coat over a dark blue suit that looks expensive. He's so close a gust of wind makes the bottom of his coat brushes Dean's shin. 

"Dude, personal space," Dean reproaches, taking a step back. "And fuck off, I don't swing that way," he adds, not meanly. It's not the first time he's getting hit on by a dude. Sadly, not even the weirdest. He's strictly into chicks though, so no dice.

"Two hundred bucks," the man insists. He looks ready to fall on his knees and beg, eyes going wider and wider as he throws a panicked look to the right of Dean's shoulder. "It won't take more than ten minutes and all you have to do is nod along," he begs, making Dean wonders if he's in danger somehow. Maybe he has a stalker or an abusive ex? 

Dean follows his eyes to a woman coming closer. She's very elegant in a grey pantsuit and a long white fur coat as she walks straight toward them. He can feel her eyes judging him even from thirty feet away, looking at him from head to toes. If he wasn't already self-aware of the number of holes in his jeans, he would definitely be under that gaze. 

"Five hundred dollars," the other man whispers just as the blond woman reaches them. 

"Castiel, dear, you should have told me we would have company, I would have notified the restaurant," the woman says, sending a clearly disapproving look toward Dean as she deposits a kiss on the other man's - (Castiel, apparently, what kind of name is that??) - cheek. 

"Mother, let me introduce you to my boyfriend," Castiel says, looking ill at ease. He's obviously not a very good liar. 

Dean blinks a few times as their attention turns toward him. Castiel seems to be trying to communicate something with his eyes, and Dean frowns in incomprehension for a moment before he gets the hint. 

"Huh. Dean. Winchester," he finally says. "Ma'am," he adds when she just continues to stare at him like he has grease smeared all over his face. He's pretty sure that she wouldn't want to touch his hand if he were to offer it to shake, so he doesn't. 

"Naomi Novak," she introduces herself. "What a delight to finally meet Castiel's new companion," Naomi says, her deadpan tone contradicting her words. "Of course, I would have preferred not to be ambushed by such an announcement. Castiel, you know, that Le Délice hates it when we change our reservation last minute. Who knows if they will even have a table for three," she declares, already composing a number on her phone. 

"It's okay, mother, Dean won't be joining us for lunch."

"Oh, is it because your attire isn't appropriate?" Castiel's mother asks, looking at the holes in Dean's jeans and the big leather jacket that used to be his dad's. "I assure you they won't say a word about it if you're with us," she reassures. 

Dean squirms a little, wondering what the hell is even happening. Ten minutes ago he was buying a coffee and going at his day like a perfectly normal person (well, albeit a homeless and jobless one). Now, his fashion sense is being criticized by the mother of a man who is pretending to be his boyfriend. Did a piano fall on his head or something? Has he finally lost his mind?

He looks to the man beside him. He's scratching the side of his neck in nervousness. The move makes his coat fall a little over his wrist, revealing a freaking Rolex watch. Dean looks back to the woman, eyes sliding on her diamond earrings and the huge rock around her neck. 

You know what? That's not okay. His stomach has been crying for food since last morning, and he's what? Supposed to help this stranger by saying no to free lunch at one of the most prestigious restaurants in town? Fuck no. He's gonna eat like a king and make a few hundred bucks off the back of those rich assholes. 

"In that case, it would be my pleasure to join you," Dean announces with his most charming smile. 

"What?" Castiel can't help but bark. "But y-your work thing?" he tries, sweating. The round panic eyes are back. Dean sends him his best shit eating grin. They both know he now either has to invite this stranger to lunch or reveal the lie to his mother. The guy is trapped and may as well continue to play along.

"It's not as important as a chance to finally get to know your mother, honey," Dean answers. "He's told me so many nice things about you, Naomi. Can I call you Naomi?"

"Of course, dear," Naomi says. She looks a little wide eyed too, probably thrown by Dean turning on the charm to the max.

"Perfect! We shall go now, we don't want to miss your reservation. I do hope it won't be too much of a bother for them to add a chair to your table," Dean says. He should probably tone it down with the pompous tone, because he nearly added an English accent here. 

Naomi leads the way, and Dean is going to follow when a hand grabbing his arm makes him fall a few steps behind. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Castiel hisses.

"Acting as your boyfriend?" Dean says innocently. By Castiel's glare, he's not fooled. 

"I asked you to nod silently for ten minutes, not to do method acting for a whole meal," he reproaches. Naomi sends a look behind her shoulder and Castiel smiles at her like there is no worries, indicating for her to lead the way, 

Dean shrugs. "I had some free time."

"I'm not giving you more money than planned, if that's your goal," Castiel says with a suspicious squint. 

"I'm fine with the five hundred as long as you're also paying for lunch," Dean says, wiggling his eyebrows as they walk toward the restaurant. Something passes on Castiel's face that Dean can't quite identify. The other man stares at him for so long that it's a wonder he doesn't trip. He finally relents with a long suffering sigh as they enter 'Le Délice'. 

Apparently, Naomi Novak is prominent enough that they don't mind changing her reservation after all. They're seated at a table near a legit indoor fountain. Dean is looking around, trying not to let show how impressed he is by the place. The walls are made of stone and covered in frescos that he always thought you couldn't see outside of a church or castle. A waiter gives him a leather covered menu and Dean opens it eagerly. After a few niceties to Naomi, they're asked what they want to drink. Dean has an inkling that he probably shouldn't ask for a beer in an establishment like this. 

"Same for me, please," he says after Castiel ordered some wine with a name Dean can't pronounce. At least, he hopes that's wine. Who knows. Hell, in this place the bottles of water are probably more expensive than his usual brand of beer. 

Dean starts to second guess his decision when he realizes that the menu is in french. What is it with rich people and France? He just wants a damn steak, how do you say that in french? Is there even steaks here or is it just frog legs and snails? Oh god, he hopes not. 

"I think I'll take the duck today," Naomi notes. "Nobody cooks it better than chef Francis. How about you Dean? Have you ever come here before?" There is a mean glint in her eyes that says she knows perfectly well he hasn't. Hell, from the side eyes he got from everyone as they crossed the room, everyone here knows he's not from their world. There are three holes in his jeans, threads hanging from the bottom and his dad's leather jacket probably should have ended up in the trash about three years ago. Even now, it's still too big for him and the sleeves are so scruffed that they're nearly paper thin. The original dark brown color has turned to a light beige in most places from wear. His scruff is just the bad side of too long now, and he hasn't had a haircut since April, strands starting to fall into his eyes. At least, he's wearing his best plaid shirt and managed to wash up last night, so he's not smelling too rank. Why would Castiel pick him out of all the people in the street at that moment to play his boyfriend? It makes no sense at all. From the guy's obvious discomfort as he hides behind his menu, he probably realizes it. 

"Actually, Naomi, duck sounds like a delicious idea," Dean says, voluntarily ignoring her question. To be honest, he’s never even eaten duck before, but it's poultry so it probably taste like chicken. You can't go wrong with chicken, right? His stomach certainly likes the idea, gurgling so loudly that he has to hide it behind a cough. 

Castiel ends up ordering some fish and soon their drinks arrive. Dean barely has time to sip at his red wine before Naomi pounces. 

"So, tell me everything, how did you two meet?"

Dean nearly chokes on his drink. Castiel seems to gulp down his whole glass. 

"We met at a coffee shop. Dean was in line in front of me and we started to talk," Castiel explains, not quite meeting anyone's eyes.

"How quaint!" Naomi exclaims, clasping her hands in delight. "I'm just sorry that you didn't tell me about it sooner, Castiel. How long have you been keeping this charming man a secret?"

"Not-," Castiel clears his throat, "-not long."

"Well, it's nice to finally meet you Dean. I sure wish this luncheon will give me the chance to learn everything about you."

Luncheon? Who even talks like that outside of Downton Abbey?

"I do hope I'll get to keep some mystery, we wouldn't want this guy to lose interest," Dean says with a wink. He pats Castiel's hand on the table. Should he hold it or something? How open on PDA are gay people those days? Not that he knows more about how heterosexual couple act in public anyway, especially in those crowds. It's probably safer to keep the PDA to a minimum here. 

"You have to at least tell me some things. For one, what career path are you on?" She looks like a shark circling her prey. 

"I'm a mechanic," he lies. He'd rather stay as close to the truth as possible. It's a little unfair that Castiel is letting him do all the talking when his initial demand was that he stayed silent, especially since it's his skin that Dean is apparently saving, but the guy looks like he's swallowed a potato whole. 

"Oh, that's...interesting," Naomi says in that insincere tone of hers. She looks like he told her he was fucking children’s corpses every full moon. He's two seconds away from telling her that he's actually jobless, penniless, and homeless, just to see her face, when Castiel intervenes. 

"How is Anna's engagement party coming on?" 

Thankfully, this seems to be a subject Naomi loves because she tells them about every aspect of the future party all the way through their meal. 

Duck, as it turns out, is actually very good. It's more like red meat than chicken, which is a great surprise. Although, Dean isn't a fan of the way rich people put tiny quantities of food in very large plates. He eats all the dinner rolls and scrapes every single bit of sauce out of his plate, yet he's still hungry by the end of it. He nearly starts crying when the waiter asks them if they'll take dessert and Naomi declines. He's starting to wonder if that little piece of duck was worth sitting through lunch with her. 

"That sounds like you're turning this into a wonderful event, mother, Anna must be delighted," Castiel compliments. 

"Oh, you know your sister," Naomi waves it off. "It sure feels like a nice opportunity to introduce your new beau to everyone."

Dean frowns. What's a beau? Is that him? That's not him, right?

"I wouldn't dare take any attention away from Anna," Castiel tries to refuse. 

"Don't be daft, you know your sister won't care. Everyone will be so happy that you've finally found-" she passes a long look, over Dean, like she's doubting anyone would actually approve of him. She certainly doesn't seem to, "-someone," she finishes lamely. 

"Oh shoot, I don't think I'm available that night," Dean tries to play off. 

"I'm not sure I've told you the date of it yet."

"Cas did," he says. The other man perks up at the surname, but whatever, 'Castiel' is a mouthful. "And I have this huh work thing, you know? Bummer," Dean says with a fake pout. 

"What kind of 'work thing' can a mechanic possibly have on a Saturday evening?"

Dean tenses up, pursing his lips. "One he can't get out of?"

"Nonsense, you're coming," Naomi brushes off. And that is that apparently. Shit. There is a vein about to pop on Castiel's forehead. "Castiel, dear, you look a little white. Was the fish okay?"

"I-Yeah-I-Actually, do you think we could possibly cut our lunch short? I am indeed feeling quite unwell."

"Of course, my dear," Naomi says, leaning forward until her hand touches his forehead. "You're as clammy as a fish. I should come home with you, and make sure you're okay," she announces, taking her napkin off her lap and deposing it on the table, ready to stand up. 

"No!" Castiel stops her, a little too brusquely. "I-Dean will take good care of me, don't worry," he says, getting up and grabbing Dean's arm so he does so too. Dean follows his lead, all too happy to get out of here. "Stay and enjoy your tea, mother."

"If you say so," Naomi says, sending an unsure look at Dean, obviously upset at being brushed off in his favor. "Call me this evening, or I'll worry all night."

"Of course, mother," Castiel acquiesces, kissing her cheek. Dean hovers behind him. Is he supposed to kiss her too? Wave hello? Shake her hand? 

"Dean," she says as what is apparently a sufficient goodbye. Thank God. "I'll be sure to see you on Saturday," she reminds just as they're walking away. 

Cas turns on him as soon as they're outside the restaurant. 

"What was that?!" he asks, not quite yelling. He starts pacing, rubbing a hand through his already pretty ruffled hair. 

"You owing me five hundred bucks? Dude, you're lucky I don't charge you more for the fresh hell I just lived through."

"You went through hell? You?!" his pacing gets faster and Dean has an idea that if he stops pacing he might punch him in the face. 

"That's what you get for asking this kind of stuff from a perfect stranger," Dean shrugs, pushing a pebble with the point of his shoe. His red sock is peeking out from a tiny hole near his big toe. It's such a contrast to how grand everything and everyone looked in there. It's making him feel like shit. He's maybe feeling a tiny bit guilty for trapping Castiel like that too. He doesn't seem like a bad guy, albeit one with a psycho mom.

Cas turns on him, eyes glaring and mouth open in what will probably be a flow of reproaches. He stops himself before he says anything though, seeming to deflate. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breathe instead, shoulders falling. "I'm sorry. You're right. I should be thanking you. I have no right to make you any reproach when I brought this on myself."

"It wasn't so bad, though, was it? I mean, I think I sold it?" Dean asks, a little hesitant. He even used pedantic talk and everything. 

"You did as well as could be expected."

"That's not much of a compliment…". 

"I shouldn't take more of your time," Cas apologizes, taking his wallet out. Dean goggles at the amount of cash in there. 

"You really shouldn't have that much cash on you, that's, like, asking for trouble."

Castiel squints at him like he's wondering if that means Dean is gonna rob him for a moment, before he hands him a wad of cash. 

Dean's eyes bulge out, "That's way more than five hundred dollars."

"There's also an advance in there to buy some clothes for the engagement party."

"The what now?" Dean blinks dumbly for a second until his brain catches up to what is happening. "Dude, no, I'm done!" 

"You were the one to push it so far in the first place," Castiel reminds. Accuses, really. 

"I just wanted to eat fancy food, okay! Not, like, go steady."

"There will be lots of food at my sister's engagement party," Castiel tries to persuade. Badly. 

Dean gives him a nonplussed look. The cash feels heavy in his hand. He's never had so much before. This could help him get a new start. What's a night of playing Downton Abbey compared to the many many nights he might not have to freeze his ass off in the backseat of his car thanks to it?

"Why are you even doing this anyway? And why would you choose me? Do I look that desperate for cash?"

"No," Cas says after what's definitely a too long pause. Dean scowls. "You were in front of me in the coffee shop line. I heard you talking on the phone. You said you needed some cash to buy a new outfit for a job interview. Begged, really."

"Where the fuck do you get on listening in on other people’s conversation?" 

"I didn't listen, I just heard."

"You know, what? Fuck you," Dean spits, "I don't need that bullshit in my life right now." He has enough cash to get to Austin and replenish his stock of food, even buy some new clothes. At least this way he can keep his dignity rather than being insulted by a bunch of rich assh-

"Please," Castiel begs, following him as Dean storms away. "You don't understand…"

"Oh I understand perfectly," Dean says, stopping and turning around so brusquely that they nearly bump into each other. "You think you can shit on other people from your high horse and that they'll still do your deed for a few hundred bucks. Well, I'm not your freaking puppet, man."

"I have never shitted on any-" he stops himself with a frustrated groan, before turning on the puppy dog eyes. "Dean, please. Listen to what I have to say at least?"

"I know what you're gonna say. I've seen that movie before, Cas. You're going to bring me to that party, so you can parade me around like I'm some earned price or some shit. Meanwhile you get to appease mommy dearest and the clan of hyenas putting pressure on you to find a husband, while still having the satisfaction of giving them a huge fuck you by bringing a guy like me instead of the golden boy they're dreaming of."

"I-" Castiel stops himself, pursing his lips. "That's actually not that far from the reality."

"Of course it isn't. Told you, I've seen that trope before. Except this is real life and your plan sucks, so you can keep your money and I'll keep my dignity. Just grow a pair and tell them all to fuck off, will ya?"

"You sure do like saying that to people," Castiel sulks. "Are you sure you can't do it for me?" 

"Oh believe me I would love to tell your mom to fuck off, but I like my balls attached to my body, so that's a hard pass."

Castiel laughs slightly at that and Dean can feel his own anger start to abate at the sound. "Good self-preservation instinct on your part," Cas mumbles. The puppy look is still there, except now it's making him feel like he's kicked the puppy.  

"You know, we're in the 21st century, right? You shouldn't feel pressured to the point of inventing a boyfriend. Who gives a shit about that nowadays?"

"My family does," Castiel answers in a long sigh. "You don't get it, how could you... I have three brothers, Dean," Castiel explains. "Two sisters. My little sister, who is just nineteen, just got engaged. I was already seen as the irremediably unwed one and now I…," he pauses, sending a nervous look at Dean, looking ashamed.

"Oh come on. How hard can it be? You're rich, objectively good looking. Do you have weird kinks or something?"

 "I-I wouldn't know. I've never even been in a relationship before," he confesses, looking at the ground.

"When you say 'relationship', you don't mean you've never…" Dean inquires. Cas' cheeks redden, and Dean blows like he just got punched. "Wow. That sucks."

"Yes, it's very pathetic."

"What? Eh no, it's not pathetic. Surprising, yeah. But, to each their own, you know?"

Cas inclines his head like he's not sure he does know. 

"I'm sorry I tried to drag you in all of this. You seem like a good man. You don't deserve-"

"-to be served on a platter to your family?" Dean asks, searching Castiel's gaze until they exchange a smile. 

"Yes. That." The man is still looking dejected. The money is still in Dean's hand. That duck really was good. Damn it.

"The food better be freaking awesome," Dean relents with a frustrated grunt. Castiel seems instantly relieved. "And you're not pretty woman-ing me," he warns, pointing a finger at the other man. "I'm choosing my own clothes and I don't give a shit if I don't know which fork to use for fish."

Castiel's head is tilted and he's blinking owlishly, like he doesn't understand a word that Dean is saying. Figures. He's not sure how he could convince anyone that he's this dork's boyfriend, honestly. Naomi certainly looked like she wasn't fooled. 

"I'm sorry for the way my mother behaved toward you. I assure you, being yourself will be amply sufficient to the task."

"Dude, the way y'all talk, where do you come from, Victorian England?"

"I-I don't think I have English ancestry, no. Why?"

They blink at each other for some time. 

"I must be a freaking masochist."

Cas' face scrunches up even more in incomprehension. 

"Okay, let's be clear on one thing from the start. This is not a lifetime movie and I'm straight, so: no falling in love, get it?"

"I get it, Dean," Castiel nods. 

Well, that's it then, apparently Dean is going to a fancy engagement party with his new boyfriend. What a weird day... 

You can read the rest on AO3

[princesskokichi]

S/O meeting Rantaro's and Kokichi's family!

Heya!! Thank you so much for your kind words, ajsjdh! Sorry, for the long wait... I hope you enjoy reading! Have a good day as well, dear Anon!!

-Mod Shuichi💕

[R A N T A R O]

-you were nervous- very nervous!

-you and Rantaro were on your way to meet his family. You never had the chance to meet them and you were happy when Rantaro announced that his parents and sisters want to get to know you, but now?

-God, you felt dizzy, the world spinned around you. 

-You wanted to run away, but you couldn't disappoint your boyfriend and his family like that.

-both of you slowly reached the gate in front of the house. Rantaro took your hand in his, squeezed it a little and smiled brightly.

-all your fear suddenly vanished and you returned the smile and you two rang the bell.

-the door swung open and Rantaro's parents stood in front of you, you straightened your back and smiled.

-his parents let you come in and showed you the way to the living room where 12 girls were sitting. "RANTARO!" they yelled and started sprinting towards him to jump on him.

-startled you took a few steps back to not get run over by Rantaro's sisters, who seemed very lively.

-"You're s/o, right?" a female, calm voice called out and you turned around. 

"Yes! Yes, I'm s/o! It's nice to meet you, miss Amami!" shook hands and sat down on the couch in the living room. 

-"my- don't be so nervous! I'm dealing with 12 girls and a boy- I can handle one more person just fine!" Rantaro's mom laughed and your nervousness melted away. She was truly nice.

-"hey, how is your chat with s/o going?" Rantaro suddenly appeared behind you and you almost jumped from the couch in your shock. 

-"pretty good! They are super sweet! You got yourself a very good partner! I sure hope you don't do something stupid and lose them!" She pointed at Rantaro with a glare, but started laughing right after.

-you laughed too and since Rantaro's hugging session was over

- now started yours!

-"S/O, S/O! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE FROM US!" the whole Amami family was chasing you through the house to give you hugs and you laughed, you never laughed so much before.

- It was the right decision to visit and get to know all of these lovely people.

[K O K I C H I]

-You didn't knew much about Kokichi's past, his family or "organisation" he claims to lead.

-you knew that he lies a lot, but you didn't mind that. 

-You even became pretty good at seeing through his lies.

-That's probably why it shocked you so much then Kokichi came home and suddenly said that he wants you to meet his family.

-of course, you were happy! That was a huge step Kokichi took to show you that he trusted you deeply and you appreciated it. 

-but- were you ready for that? What if you mess up?? 

-fear builded up inside you, but Kokichi took your hands in his and you looked at him confused.

-then he started making some weird grimaces with his face.

-you couldn't help but laugh and your fear slowly vanished.

-Kokichi is pretty awkward sometimes and  he doesn't quite know how to cheer people up… 

-so he just tries to make them laugh or distract them somehow to help them feel better, but he would never admit that. He is an evil supreme leader after all!

-and so you would meet his family soon. Something you always wanted and Kokichi finally decided to open this last door in his heart. 

-You were so touched and happy to be trusted like this- you hugged him tightly. Kokichi laughed and patted your back. 

-"Wow, s/o are you soooo madly in love with me that you can't wait to meet my family?" he obviously tried to tease you.

-"yes, yes I am" you answered and Kokichi grew stiff for a second- seems like you startled him with that comment. You chuckled.

-Kokichi just huffed, not daring to pull back from the hug and you guessed that he was probably blushing right now.

-Cute~ you thought and smiled to yourself in his arms.

-time passed fast and today was the day you would finally get to know your boyfriend's family. 

-You were nervous and excited- a pretty bad mixture of emotions, to be honest.

-"hey, s/o close your eyes!" Kokichi took your hand in his and smiled. You were confused, but did what he wanted you to do.

-a few seconds passed until you could hear quiet whispers. 

-"Now, you can open your eyes" you did like he said and- 

-"TA-DA! These are the most important members of DICE! or how I like to call them-" you interrupted Kokichi's speech.

-"your family" you finished his sentence and Kokichi laughed. 

-"Nishishi! Ding ding ding! You're right! 100 points for s/o" he joked, but you could tell that he was just as nervous as you were.

-you smiled friendly. "Nice to meet you all! I'm s/o! I hope we will get along well!" and before you count to three all the members surrounded you, asking questions. 

-Wow, wow that's a lot- you thought, but Kokichi cut them off.

-"Oh my god! Don't act like immature kids-"

-"said the immature kid" you teased and Kokichi gasped.

"How DARE you, s/o! YOU'RE SO MEAN!! WAHHH!" Kokichi loudly fake cried and you patted his head

-"That doesn't work on me, idiot" you said, before kissing his cheeks and shutting him up like that.

- The Dice members stared at you and started to clap in their hands. 

"You're so cool, s/o!!"

"Normally, everyone falls for the leaders tricks!"

"You're really special"

-They all talked at the same time and you had little issues to follow who was talking, but they all seemed to be pretty nice.

-Suddenly they all started bowing in front of you and you almost jumped in surprise.

-What is happening??

-"Please take good care of our leader! He always does crazy stuff on his own" 

-"wait, what's happening?" you asked confused and looked back at Kokichi who surprised the same way you were.

"Please, become our leader's husband!" they continued and now it clicked. They were proposing to you- for Kokichi. 

-you chuckled. "Guys, guys! Let's get to know each other first and see how everything works out then we can talk about marriage and stuff" you explained with a smile, but to be honest the thought about a proposal from Kokichi made your heart race. 

-"Jeez! You're all acting like I would never propose in my whole life! Do you all think so lowly about me? Seriously- someday I WILL propose to s/o, but first I want to learn about every side they have and also show all of my sides- urgh…nevermind, that sounded really cringy, forget it" Kokichi tried to change the topic, but you were too deep in thoughts already.

-Someday you thought with a smile. Someday.

-well, the dice members loved you so much like?? They didn't even wanted you to leave and that warmed your heart. 

-before leaving you and Kokichi got a big fat group hugging session from them and you needed to promise to come visit whenever you could.

[c-c-cherry]

In an "Everyone Lives/Nobody dies" AU when do you think would be the time that Abbacchio realized he *doesn't* hate Giorno? How do you think he'd react to that startling realization? 😅

Hello, anon!!

I think Abba is a cold person when it comes to meeting new people in general and it takes a while for him to warm up to people, so when a fifteen-year-old skeets into their team and starts telling them what to do, he’s like *cracks knuckles* “ haha no.”

In the heat of battle and all the stressful shit that happens in VA, the two never really had the time to actually talk and shit. Even in an everyone lives AU I think he’d tolerate the kid but still be a bit cold to him even months after everything that happened...

...until there’s some big moment that triggers a chain reaction that makes him think “oh shit he’s just a fucking kid I should probably stop being an asshole” and starts feeling really guilty about it and they start to build their friendship soon after that. *Soft Dadbacchio moments ensue.*

Some possible moments that I may or may not write out eventually now that I’m thinking about it:

-The two of them are alone in the house when something happens rather abruptly—he has to talk him out of a flashback (albeit a bit awkwardly), a nightmare, or our blonde boy just isn’t having a good time

-Maybe Gio is finally fed up with Abba’s cold angry bullshit and just completely snaps and starts yelling at him until he realizes what he’s doing to his superior and starts thinking that they’re going to kick him out and Dad Abba is like “shit maybe I shouldn’t have been so mean ;-; and has to reassure him that they aren’t going to make him leave

-Late night tea talks??? They’re both night people and tea people and quickly realize this post-canon as they’re both always awake after everyone’s asleep. Maybe they start talking more and he realizes that this kid is literally just an awkward nerdy 15-year-old and he should stop being such a bitch already

-Bruno forces them on a mission together...I don’t know what happens but something happens and by the time they come back from it, they’re somehow on better terms...though they both refuse to tell the rest of the team what the hell happened out there (it was probably something embarrassing hehe)

-Giorno needs Abbacchio to do something for him without anyone else knowing...this could be anything but I’ve had a little something in mind for awhile:

our golden boy starts talking to someone about everything he’s gone through but doesn’t tell the rest of the team that he does, but it quickly bites him in the ass when they prescribe him some meds to take for whatever’s going on and he needs the signature of a guardian to get them...he’s too afraid to tell Bruno because he knows Bruno’s opinion on drugs and wouldn’t know how he would react to prescribed stuff (Bruno would be very supportive if he knew, of course, and is in fact heavily in charge with picking up Fugo’s meds all the time) so he asks Abbacchio to sign some forms for him and doesn’t specify. Abba quickly learns a lot of things about Giorno that he didn’t know

-Abbacchio catches Giorno doing something he probably shouldn’t be doing, like secretly eating the ENTIRE new tub of ice cream at 3:00am *See Bucci Gang Head canons hehe* Soon Giorno catches Abba doing something too (I literally cannot think of anything lol). They bond over embarrassing secrets.

-Giorno needs GUIDANCE!!! Maybe he got into a fight with one of them or thinks he did something to upset one of them or accidentally fucked up BIG TIME on his paperwork or broke Bruno’s favourite mug or threw away Mista’s precious pizza table tower (the possibilities are endless)  and is too scared to confront them about it...Abba catches him alone and asks him why he looks so fucking frazzled and he SPILLS THE TEA word vomit style. Abbacchio soon realizes that this child is literally constantly a fucking mess and just needs a constant authority figure to help him figure a LOT of basic stuff out. (skills and advice that his stupid parents never taught him)

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OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED I WENT ABSOLUTELY FERAL THIS POST IS WAY TOO LONG ASJHSDGJHFDJKH 

Thank you for the lovely ask!! If anyone wants to use any of these prompts, feel free...just TELL ME CAUSE I WANNA READ YOUR FICS AAAUUUUAUUU

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Nancy: how's all the prep going? Rio: Oh my God Rio: it feels good to talk to someone over the age of 12, put it that way Rio: its getting there but I might not 🤪🥴😵 Nancy: same cos Buster's acting like a 5 year old rn Nancy: I wish I was there helping Rio: Travelling brings out the worst in 'em Rio: if I have to see an airport with mine this year, too soon 😬❌ Rio: we could use your 👀 Rio: I'm sure there will still be shit to do when you all get here Nancy: Did your dad convince your mum about a honeymoon though? Nancy: Asking cos I wanna steal you away for a while Nancy: When I get there I'm gonna have so many 📷 to set up and take but I'll definitely make time for any finishing touches there are Rio: 😘😘😘 Rio: s'more convincing nan and granddad that your parents and the rest will help out controlling the masses whilst they're off 🎔☽ Rio: a reason we can NEVER find a babysitter 🙄 Nancy: Oh come on! If my mum gets involved they'll be perfect 😇s Rio: 😂 Rio: I'd be happy to test the theory Rio: going to be so good to see you again! Nancy: Me too if it'd get her off my back 🙄 Nancy: I've missed you so much! Rio: Uh-oh, what's the latest crusade with her? Rio: Girl, same! So much catching up Nancy: Who can keep track? This week it's something about how I spend too much time in my room Nancy: Like doesn't she realise I don't sleep in a cell? I have everything I need Rio: Right? Rio: At least we're past grounding, was such a laughable punishment when its not the 50s or something, please Nancy: malted milkshakes and jukeboxes yes, the rest of the 50s, no Rio: But you'd look so fetching in a circle skirt 😉 Rio: what are you wearing though Rio: I've been so busy making sure the kids are actually clothed that I'm not remotely ready, ugh Nancy: Also less likely to be hatecrimed when it's just gals being pals 😉 Nancy: [a pic of her outfit cos we don't have one yet gang] Nancy: oh my god if you're not joking dad better start speeding! You really need my help ASAP Rio: Don't rub it in, or I'll be at the back of the bus heckling you Rio: me and all MY #sistas Rio: 😍 you look so good, I'll ignore your white feminism if you tell him to step on it Nancy: 😳 x 10000 like Nancy: But I'll demand it Rio: 🧡 Rio: Its a mood, catch me stealthing down the aisle at the back, please, steal the show, kids Nancy: 💚 Nancy: Honestly I feel nervous & I don't have to do the walk/nobody's gonna be looking at me Rio: Awh, don't be Rio: Honestly, everything is so extra, no one will know where to look Rio: you know them Nancy: I was safe to assume that Junie isn't answering me cos he's 😳 x 10000000 then, yeah? Rio: No doubt Rio: I can't even find him to tell him to reply Rio: if I spot him Nancy: It's fine I'll see him soon anyway Rio: God bless him Nancy: I need out of this car now & away from all of them Rio: I can feel the tension from here, babe Nancy: If he spends another sec on speaker talking to his friends about last night's party I will have to throw his phone out of the window Rio: Eww Rio: your brother is 1000% gonna be THAT businessman on the train that wants everyone to hear his convo Nancy: I know Rio: then pops a few blood vessels when someone tells him otherwise Rio: you poor thing, forreal Nancy: He got into a fight at the party over some girl 🙄 But of course the other lad was the only one hurt Nancy: How am I related to this idiot? Rio: How have your parents not turned the car around or at least threatened to Nancy: He doesn't wanna come which means he is, no matter what Nancy: Even if he was 🤕 Rio: Also do you live in Chelsea or a bad American teen drama Rio: the dramatics 😂 Nancy: Right? But it's me getting lectured by my mother regularly Nancy: your favouritism is showing again Rio: We all like you better, don't worry babe Nancy: thanks Nancy: if your parents wanna adopt me, now is good Rio: What's one more is pratically the family motto so why not Rio: you'll have to miss all the WILD parties and the even wilder bants Rio: reckon you'll survive? Nancy: just about Rio: Be honest Rio: if I go to town right now, what are the odds of the kids staying semi-presentable? Nancy: It'd be single figures Nancy: like 5% maybe Rio: Yeah Rio: but even less chance of me getting something wearable if I ask my boy to bring something with him, right? Nancy: Unless he's very fashion forward Nancy: You could tell him to go to ours and raid my wardrobe? Rio: Such a humblebrag, Nancy McKenna 😏 Nancy: If you don't want my advice or designer labels, don't ask, like Rio: 😂 Rio: how is it possible I have nothing suitable in my whole ass wardrobe Nancy: This family has had a surprisingly few weddings in our lifetime Nancy: & there's no chance of you re-purposing what you wore to my parents' big day all those years ago so Nancy: I'll make a detour and pick something up for you Nancy: if you trust me Rio: The amount of sin is truly unholy Rio: my grandma be 😠 at all these heathens Rio: and that feels like forever ago Rio: dread to think what I was rocking but at least I was cute Nancy: So 😢 I couldn't bring a date to meet your grandma she sounds lovely Nancy: [finds a pic of the baze wedding like] Nancy: you were the cutest! Look! Rio: Love the sinner, hate the sin, sweetie 😘 Rio: Oh lord Nancy: Says you but what happened to ME? Nancy: I'm like a different person rn and it's not a glow up Rio: Shh, you look beautiful, are you kidding Nancy: I look like my parents are into medieval torture & put me on a rack Nancy: not cute Rio: Oh 'cos being tall is so unappealing Rio: all those leggy supermodels, YUCK Nancy: 😂 Rio: Anyone saying different is obviously jealous Nancy: How very teen drama Nancy: the girl who hates me really loves me 💋 Rio: better start loudly talking about that Rio: your 'rents will be so proud Nancy: They aren't likely to hear me over Buster's dramatic playlist 🎶 Rio: Now you're just making shit up 😂 Nancy: [records him as proof hey boy hey looking like a moody fuckboy snack over there no doubt] Rio: He really did just look at the window like a music video, huh Rio: also praying you make it here unmurdered now, girl 🙏🤞 Nancy: He wouldn't dare start a fight with us in our finery 👗👠 mum & dad would kill him Nancy: or I could with the 👠 Rio: Gotta stay favourite, yeah Nancy: definitely Rio: catch me being no ones 'cos I'm not coming Rio: see you tomorrow, like 👋 Nancy: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo Nancy: you have to Nancy: don't leave me with my evil twin Rio: 😩 but Rio: so over this before its begun Nancy: please Ri Nancy: I'll make it fun somehow Rio: There's no escape anyhow Rio: so many people here already just 👀 @ me Rio: I'm not putting on a fucking poofy dress I'm sorry Nancy: you don't have to Nancy: bridesmaid but keep it fashion Rio: I tried on some actual bridesmaid dresses but I felt so stupid Rio: why is it all floor-length and fucking Rio: the excess material Rio: I don't wanna drown in tulle, I'm not 5 Nancy: gross Nancy: I promise to never get married first of all Nancy: second of all I'm gonna make sure you look 🔥 today so Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Rio: I've got to start on the drinks now though, sorry Nancy: show me what's in your wardrobe & I'll try & remember what's in mine Rio: I love you but you remember what I said about floor-length? Nancy: okay okay just yours then Nancy: come on, I can do this Rio: [does] Rio: but honestly, fuck it Nancy: there's so much I could make work Nancy: & no reason for us both to hate our outfits Rio: I won't hate it, I'll just be hated Rio: mainly by my grandma 💁 Nancy: as soon as Buster arrives his attitude will pull focus Nancy: plenty to keep your grandma busy in this car Rio: He'd never be that nice to me Rio: even unintentionally Nancy: I will then Nancy: thinking of a scene to cause as we speak Rio: 😏 Rio: such a shame there'll be no hot girls there you aren't related to 💔 Nancy: if only hitchhikers were still a thing Rio: So predatory for a 13 year old Rio: flip that script honey Nancy: it's the lesbian way Nancy: ask every girl at my school Rio: Ugh, turning their backs in the changing room is it? Rio: like half of 'em have got anything to hide, people are ridiculous Nancy: Yeah Rio: Its more than that then Nancy: It's not a story for today Rio: Later Rio: when you've caught up Nancy: when I've taken my make up off maybe Nancy: it took a really long time Rio: it looks 🔥 Nancy: it's not too much, right? You'd tell me Rio: Of course Rio: but it so isn't, its great Nancy: thanks Nancy: a benefit of doing it in February, our faces won't melt off & I'm not sunburnt Rio: They've thought of you at least Rio: love that Nancy: I'll try & remember to thank them too, like Rio: Thank whichever God made you gay too Rio: boys are such dicks Nancy: I got stuck with a brother so I'd still suffer Nancy: probably won't 🙏 Rio: Well you can ignore him Rio: sure you both prefer it that way Nancy: You can ignore any boys you want Nancy: or don't want Rio: Nah Rio: not when I'm this hard to ignore yeah Nancy: all the more reason Nancy: when you look like you look you can take your pick Rio: I already have, that's what I'm saying Nancy: & they're still dicks? Rio: He is Nancy: So dump him Nancy: there must be some boys in existence who aren't Rio: Eh Rio: None as cute Nancy: Gross Rio: Shut up 🙄 Nancy: if you wanna talk about boys you've come to the wrong place Rio: excuse me Rio: you've literally talked about your hitchhiker fantasy so you can deal with it Nancy: I don't have a fantasy I was trying to think of a diversion to horrify your grandma Rio: Sure Nancy: It's a shame Buster would never swap outfits with me Nancy: a move like that really would pull focus from what you're wearing Rio: I hate to break it to you but not really Rio: already got so many chicks in suits Rio: you know this is MY parents wedding, not yours Nancy: but how many boys in dresses do you have? Rio: I'll check Rio: my parents have weird friends, babe Rio: and have you met my siblings like Rio: your the normie branch of the fam, no amount of lesbian angst is changing that for you, I'm so sorry Nancy: at least they have friends, mine have co-dependence Nancy: and yeah, I'm trying to get adopted in, remember? Rio: 😍 romantic Rio: we'll swap Rio: I need the break Nancy: you and Buster would kill each other in seconds Nancy: but if you can survive long enough to end him I support it Rio: Duh Nancy: I've heard 'you should see the other guy' enough to be sure it's bullshit Nancy: you can take him Rio: I know Rio: trust me Nancy: he hasn't lost a 🥊 for ages it's way past due Rio: Weddings always end in a scrap Rio: may as well take it for the team honestly Nancy: fights & drunken displays happen whenever this family gets together Nancy: again, take your pick Rio: I'm not drunk but tah for the faith, babe Nancy: it's early still Rio: 😒 Nancy: they are all driving me to drink & I don't even Rio: Slainte Nancy: exactly Rio: Fuck it, I'm going town Nancy: do you have time? Rio: Sure Nancy: Then yeah go Rio: ✌ see you when you get here Nancy: I'll find you as soon as we show up Rio: Do Rio: I'll be the bombshell Nancy: I'll be the awkward ginger Nancy: 💚💋 Rio: 🧡💋

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Forget Me Not Jim Mason x Reader 50 First Dates AU Pt 9

@michael-langdon-appreciation

There was this itchy sensation at the back of her brain screaming it was past time for this to be over. Not only the baby's arrival, but all of it. Her family had taken control of the waiting room down the hall, but they still managed to hover. Between the anxious glances and the well-meant but annoying suggestions to make her feel better, she was ready to kick their collective oversized asses out of the hospital.

She was having a baby, damn it, not on her deathbed. There was too much going on now that labor had started. Too much, and yet not enough to distract her from thinking about what she wanted.

Or more specifically who she wanted.

"I can’t do this anymore." Y/N eased her way down the hall, holding tightly to Medina’s arm.

"I don't think you can cancel at this point, hon." Medina paced slowly, her head dipping closer as her volume went even lower. "Although, if you want me to encourage anyone to leave, tell me, okay? Anyone," she said pointedly as one of Y/N's brothers stepped toward them.

Here they went again. Y/N eased a hand over her rock-solid belly as she paused to deal with another contraction. "Oh damn, this hurts."

Her brother Alex wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "You're doing great."

She couldn’t answer for a moment. It was nice to know they cared, but really? Her brothers and her dad? Y/N blew out the final moment of pain and straightened to look into Alex's concerned eyes. "Thanks for the encouragement, but please. Go home, and we’ll let you know when the kid arrives."

"Take the other guys with you too," Medina suggested. "Because, dude, none of you are going anywhere near the delivery room when the actual event is happening."

"Ick, that is so true."

Y/N squeezed her brother's hand. "I'm glad you want to be there for me, but this is going a little too far, if you know what I mean."

Only, Alex wasn’t watching her, he was watching the nurses' station. "I don't mind hanging out for a while."

Jeez, good to know his reasons for being here weren’t all about wrapping her in cotton. "Go home, Alex. Or at least pretend to go so I don’t have to look at you. We'll call when there’s news." Y/N  stepped away and ignored him, easing through the next few contractions.

It wasn't her family she wanted around. She wanted Jim. She'd allowed him to be sent way, and she'd thought it was the right thing to do, but now that the moment had come she wasn't so sure.

Medina led her down the corridors in an endless loop. Her brothers had at least obeyed the part about getting out of sight, although knowing them, they’d probably only hit the coffee shop on the second floor and were tormenting people there.

Between contractions and pacing, she paused to look out the window. Spring had already passed, easing into full-on summer, and it was time for all kinds of new things.

Maybe a new chance as well.

Medina leaned on the wall beside her, arms crossed over her chest. "You want to call him?"

Was she that transparent? "Jim?"

Her best friend shrugged. "Honey, you love the guy. I think he loves you, and I doubt at this point anyone here at the hospital is going to call the cops if he shows up, restraining order or not." She made a rude noise. "I think we'd all lie our asses off for you two right now."

"I can’t...” Y/N thought really hard about what she wanted to say to finish that sentence.

She couldn't what?

I can't do this without him.

She lifted her eyes to her friend's. "Do you think he wants to be here? Even if it might get him arrested?"

Medina held out her cell phone, Jim's number already up on the screen. "I bet he'd go through hell itself to be here if you asked."

It really wasn’t that hard, hitting the button to make the call.

“Medina?" Jim sounded breathless. "Is she okay? Is the baby there? Tell me they're both fine."

His obvious concern had Y/N's throat closing tight, and she had to force out the words. "Jim, it's me. I'm doing good, but ..."

“Y/N? Thank God. You had the baby?"

"Not yet." She paused, wondering if it was right to even offer him the temptation. It wasn’t her who could end up in jail. But he'd told her once she should reach out and take what she wanted, and damn if she wasn't going to do exactly that. At least to offer him the option and let him decide if the risks were worth it. "This could get you in trouble, but do you want to be here? I mean, be with me when the baby arrives?"

"Oh, yeah." Loud clattering rang in the background, something like a door slamming. "Are you asking me to come to the hospital?"

"It might be a terrible idea, but yes, I want you here-oh, shit..." Another contraction hit, and she had to bend over and concentrate on breathing.

Jim's anxious voice blared from the phone as she held it against her thigh, his frantic questions getting louder and louder.

Medina somehow helped support her and at the same time grabbed the phone. "Stop shouting. She's busy for a minute." A pause, then Medina snorted. "Well, I don't know, sweetheart. Hold on to your knickers and I'll ask her." Her friend held the phone against her chest to cover the speaker. "What should I tell him?"

Y/N blew out a long breath as she found her feet, reaching for the phone. "Jim, me again. Sorry about that. I want you with me, if you still want to be here."

"You know I do."

Y/N twisted to the right in surprise. His answer had come not from the phone, but from the man himself who stood only two feet away. He was breathing heavily as if he’d been running stairs.

Y/N was breathing pretty hard herself. "Seven fucking hells, how did you do that?"

"If he's got a transporter and he hasn’t shared until now, I'm going to be pissed off." Medina held out her hand and gave Jim a quick handshake. "Now that you’re here for backup, I'm going to do a little distracting of the nursing staff and warn the people who will help us. I'll return in a moment to be an awesome baby catcher. I suggest you two hide out in the birthing room."

"Good idea."

They paused as Medina backed away, briefly flashing them two thumbs-up before she twirled and disappeared around a corner. Jim let Y/N guide him quickly into the private room she'd been given.

Only once the door was shut did he answer Y/N's question. "I was in the parking lot, waiting in my truck. Hoping that you'd call." He was there, the bruises on his face fading, his dark eyes taking her in from head to toe, and he reached out... And stopped. His hand fell to his side. His big strong body trembling as if he were afraid. “Y/N, I'm here for you. For you and the baby." His eyes-God, his eyes. Full of pain, and yet hope. "I promise with everything in me that’s true."

She was going to be bawling in a minute, which wasn't going to work great with the whole labor thing still happening. "I know."

Y/N caught him by the hand and tugged them together. She had to twist sideways to make room for her belly as she stepped into the warmth of his body, but he had his arms around her and that was all she needed right then. The solid assurance that he was there. That he was hers.

Jim stroked her hair as he held her. "I hate that we’ve had to be apart."

She nodded. "If you see the PVPD coming, hide in the bathroom.”

A reluctant laugh escaped him. "No more hiding. This is too important an event for me to spend it in the parking lot waiting for news."

"Were you really just going to sit there?" Y/N didn't want to let go of him, his touch soothing her more than any breathing techniques.

Jim stroked her cheek as he gazed into her eyes. "I was planning on sneaking in, but this is so much better than hiding behind a mask and staring through the door. And if I do get in trouble, it'll be worth it."

They had to pause each time a contraction hit, but the distraction of their conversation helped make the pain fade a little.

He rubbed her back before she even asked him to, touching her gently, supporting her. His strong hands that were capable of inflicting pain giving such tender care. And when he cupped her face in his hands and leaned in to kiss her tenderly, she lost it.

"It was bad enough that I had to lose memories, now I've lost these last weeks with you." She held his hand against her cheek. "Damn Rick to hell."

"Forget Rick, Angel Eyes. He doesn't matter, or he won't in a few days. What does matter is I love you."

She gasped out a laugh past the tears. "I love you too, Jim."

"Forever," he added, stroking her cheek and wiping away her tears. "I'm going to love you forever. And that's not going to change, and if I have to spend the next sixty years reminding you again and again, it'll be worth it."

"It'll be worth it," she repeated. There were still questions they had to answer, but right now, he was there and the kid in her belly was posing the most demanding request. "Ahh, Jim? I think it's time."

"Time for what?"

She wanted to laugh, but the pressure was building too fast. "The baby?" she reminded him.

His eyes widened. "Now?"

"Now."

[junker-town]

David Ortiz doesn't miss baseball because he's having too much fun

An afternoon with the retired slugger, who still gives fans exactly what they want.

MANHATTAN — The chandeliers that hang from the ceiling in the Gansevoort Hotel on Park Avenue match David Ortiz’s shirt. Both are very purple, but the color looks better on the retired slugger than it does in the gaudy lobby. Prince might as well have started designing this room and then given up halfway through the process.

It’s 4:45 p.m. on Tuesday, and Ortiz has just emerged from the elevator after a day spent in one of the hotel’s soulless conference rooms answering reporters’ questions about his new book, Papi: My Story. He looks exhausted. At least that’s the vibe I get from his slumping shoulders; I can’t see his eyes because he has orange mirrored sunglasses on.

An entourage of suits surrounds Ortiz as he makes his way through the lobby and out the revolving doors, speaking rapid-fire Spanish into his phone. Fans are waiting for him outside, holding out baseballs and pens, yelling his name. His handlers guide him past outstretched arms and into a black SUV that’s waiting on the corner.

There’s some confusion as Ortiz’s whole team attempts to get into the car at the same time. When everyone is finally situated, Ortiz seems surprised to find me squished between him and a publicist. I wonder if anyone told him I’d be riding along with him to the Barnes & Noble in TriBeCa where he’s about to sign books for two hours.

Either they didn’t or he forgot, because he doesn’t seem thrilled to have to talk to one more person during what he probably thought was going to be 30-minute respite from his media tour. But here we are. He fields the first few questions I ask him about his first year of retirement with short, polite answers.

Then I tell him I’m from Boston.

“Oh, is that right?” His face lights up. At least he smiles big; I can’t see his eyes behind his glasses.

Yes, I tell him, and explain that we’ve met before. During the Red Sox’s AL Championship run in 2004, I was a student at a high school down the street from Fenway Park. I skipped soccer one afternoon in October to go down to Yawkey Way with a few friends. We spotted players coming out a back entrance, and I shouted Ortiz’s name through the chain-link fence. He came over, and I realized that while I’d brought a marker, I hadn’t brought anything for him to sign. In a moment of panic I took off my flip flop, shoved it under the fence, and asked him for his signature. He wrote his name on my shoe, and I walked back through Boston barefoot.

Ortiz cracks up.

“That’s probably the weirdest thing I’ve ever signed,” he says. “Though I’ve signed some weird stuff. One time this lady got me signing her leg because she said she was going to get a tattoo. And she did! She tattooed my autograph on her leg! She came back to me the following season and she was like, ‘Look.’”

It’s almost surprising to me that more people in Boston don’t have Ortiz’s signature on their legs. For Red Sox fans, Ortiz is frozen in time as the guy who helped break the Curse of the Bambino and then stuck around long enough to win two more World Series. He earned god status in New England.

Now, Ortiz spends most of his time filming commercials, promoting his book, teaching his 15-year-old daughter how to drive, planning a move to Miami so his kids can play baseball outside year round, and turning down party invites from his good friend Lil Wayne (retirement is busy).

Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images

Which brings me to the bad news, Sox fans: While you probably miss him at Fenway, he doesn’t really miss being there.

“My teammates and I go a long way back,” he says as we pull onto FDR Drive. “That’s one thing that I miss. That’s the only thing I miss about the game, hanging out with the boys. I played the game for so long that I basically am OK with not playing now.”

Ortiz’s laughs often; it starts with a booming “What?!” or one big “Ha!” and then fades into a low chuckle with a long tail, like a half-life of funniness. He completely cracks up telling me about his recent trip to the Kentucky Derby, where he had the first 11 a.m.-drink of his life (seriously, he swears). Apparently there’s this room near Millionaires Row that’s filled with bottles of fancy bourbon that blew his mind.

“The entry of the secret room is behind this one picture that’s right next to a giant door,” he says. “This lady did something tricky and the door just opened. Boom! I’m like, I need one of those in my house. They tell you before you go in that it’s all-you-can-drink in like five minutes. Everything is perfect in there. They let me stay a little longer because the lady was a fan.”

That’s the only thing I miss about the game, hanging out with the boys. I played the game for so long that I basically am okay with not playing now.

“Wait, they just put famous people in there and try to get you really drunk?” I ask.

“Yeah, famous people just go in!” He’s laughing again. “There’s no way you can go crazy drinking bourbon, though. Because a couple of them can get you tipsy. But I heard a story while I was there about Sylvester Stallone. He loved the room so much he didn’t wanna leave.”

“Is Sylvester Stallone still in the secret room?” I ask. “Did they just leave him there at the Kentucky Derby?”

Ortiz laughs harder.

“They had to kick him out with security and everything,” he says. “I was like, ‘No way!’”

Once Ortiz gets going, he doesn’t stop talking — he tells me not to give up on my dreams, that he can’t swim, that he and Daddy Yankee are close, and that it’s good I drink Dunkin’ Donuts (even though I think it’s kind of gross) because I “have to represent my city.” He tells me he’s glad he wrote the book so that he could address questions people ask him all the time — including what playing for Bobby Valentine was like for that disastrous year. He tells me that he doesn’t wear his World Series rings. In fact, he’s not totally sure where they are. He’s pretty sure they’re in a safe.

Do I know that World Series rings are smaller than Super Bowl rings? I don’t, so Ortiz tries to show me by gesturing to his huge, diamond-encrusted watch — which matches his massive diamond earring — to indicate the size of a football players’ rock. He adds that “his boy Brady” (Tom, that is) doesn’t wear his championship rings, either.

Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports

David Ortiz at the Celtics’ Eastern conference finals Game 1 against the Cavaliers.

Speaking of his boys, Ortiz talked to another one, Isaiah (Thomas, that is), before the Celtics won Game 7 against the Wizards.

“Isaiah told me this,” Ortiz says. “He says, ‘Papi, I promise you we’re gonna with this. You can put it down: I promise you we gonna win it.”

“It’s hard being a Boston sports fan,” I say sarcastically.

“We know that Boston is a big city of sports,” Ortiz says. “Sports mean a lot to people over there. Boston always pulls the best out of you. That’s how I feel about Boston.”

But Boston doesn’t always give the best back. Fans at Fenway recently called Orioles outfielder Adam Jones the N-word and threw peanuts at him on the field. Ortiz stops laughing and shakes his head when I bring this up.

“Adam, that’s my boy, man,” he says. “Adam is a very, super nice guy. He’s very emotional, and you get a couple knuckleheads out there trying to be smart-asses, saying things they shouldn’t, and it’s frustrating.”

Ortiz says he never experienced racism when he played in Boston. Maybe that’s because he was Our Guy, a local hero. But he insists that “Boston ain’t like that,” and that most people there are “nice and humble.” He also knows, however, that these experiences other players have are very real and very upsetting.

“Now, you know, I had a couple players saying that’s how they feel when they come to Boston,” he says. “You know they have their reason to say it. I don’t see that in Boston — I never experienced anything like it, but on the other hand, planet Earth is jam-packed with stupid people.”

We’re pulling up to the bookstore now, where a line of people wearing No. 34 jerseys stretches down the block and around the corner from the entrance. Ortiz grins; he might be used to it, but this never gets old. We drive around to a loading dock entrance in an attempt to sneak the star in undetected, but one wily little kid somehow manages to sneak in behind the SUV.

Ortiz’s people start to shoo the boy away, but Ortiz tells him to come over. He takes a selfie with him.

Charlotte Wilder

One of the guys running the event is almost half Ortiz’s height. They look somewhat similar, so Ortiz starts calling him “Little Papi.” Little Papi and the rest of the entourage follows Big Papi as he swaggers through the underbelly of this New York City mall as though he were walking up to the plate to hit a grand slam.

We reach the door of the Barnes & Noble. Ortiz takes a deep breath, says he hopes his hand doesn’t cramp up, and enters the room to screams and applause.

Each fan approaches the signing table with a different story. Some thank him for their childhoods. One tells him he’s the reason her son got back into baseball after being diagnosed with type I diabetes, another tells him he inspired her in her fight against cancer. Some ask him to say hi to their parents on the phone. Some cry. At least three fans’ hands are shaking so badly as they try to snap selfies with him that they have to ask the person in line behind them to take the picture.

Many of them say things like, “Thank you for everything you did for Boston.” One guy comes up to the table and tells Ortiz he clerked for the judge who presided over the trial of the Boston Marathon bomber.

“Thank you for speaking for us,” the man says. Ortiz smiles and shakes his hand and tells him of course. An hour before in the car, Ortiz told me that he didn’t realize what he’d said — “This is our fucking city!” — until the clip went viral afterwards.

“I was like oh, ah, did I, ah, really say that?” He laughs again. “But I was angry, man. I can’t tell you right now, I was so mad.”

I watch Ortiz sign books for an hour and 45 minutes. Not once does he show signs of flagging. He’s still wearing his orange shades, but he’s so effervescent that it doesn’t ever seem strange: it’s just what he does. He’s especially happy to talk to little kids and people who come up to him speaking Spanish — “my man!” He spends extra time with a little girl in a wheelchair, with the cancer survivor, with a young man wearing a Dominican Republic World Baseball Classic shirt.

But he never gives less than all of his attention to anyone in line. He seems to understand that what might be one handshake in a million to him is the greatest grasp of someone else’s life. That a flip flop he forgot he signed 12 years ago becomes a prized possession. That even in retirement, he represents all of baseball and all of Boston to the people who love him.

Aside from playing baseball, this — being something bigger than himself, the beating heart inside the memory of a spectacular era — seems to be what Ortiz was born to do.

With a half hour left, one of the Barnes & Noble employees comes over to him.

“Do you want to stand up and stretch?" she asks. Ortiz looks at the line of people in front of him, each one clutching the picture of his face that graces the cover of Papi.

“No,” he says, reaching for the next book and readying his pen. “I’m good.”

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: you left your headphones here, mate Jimmy: got 'em in my pocket if you wanna collect Jimmy: wouldn't subject you to Cass' interrogation tactics Jimmy: better off buying new, rich girl Janis: yeah, realized when I went to start this run Janis: already in Twix's bad books so can't have that, like Janis: drop in and get 'em in a few Jimmy: 💔 on the rocks already you two? Jimmy: gutted Jimmy: stay for breakfast if you want Janis: Are now, like Janis: How to explain with a look that you can't take her out 'cos you tryna be 🤐 tragic misunderstanding Janis: [pic of protein shake thing] 👍 Jimmy: did try & let her know my dad was in the mood to do you for dogknapping but Jimmy: she ain't the sharpest pup at the park Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Rude Janis: she got plenty of potential Jimmy: where? Janis: 🙄 Janis: she got as much as you in her right paw, like, don't be rude Jimmy: says you as you're then snide to me 👌 Jimmy: you know my smoothies are 💣 & so my future is set Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: gotta stand up for my girl ain't I Jimmy: 💪 Jimmy: who took her out? she best remember that 🥇 Janis: didn't know you cared 💕 Janis: can handle the competition okay Jimmy: nah, you'll be 💔 when she's only got 😍 for me Jimmy: especially 'cause I don't care, double blow 🎻 Janis: Scandalous Janis: hitting her up with the screenshots as we speak Jimmy: no secret, babe Jimmy: go on Janis: Poor bitch Janis: #youdeservebetterhun Jimmy: shoulda fought the law, Juliet Jimmy: reckon you'd have gotten pretty far with her before the take down Janis: Appreciate the faith Janis: but as I didn't even make it out the door without being #exposed Janis: idk Jimmy: Just by the 🐶 though? Janis: Nah, your Dad had to share how full of the joys he was this AM, like Jimmy: sorry Janis: ain't your fault Janis: and no big Jimmy: I invited you & he's my dad so as much as it can be, it is Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: just accept the apology Janis: alright Janis: might wanna tell him i'm not a prozzie though, just look like one Jimmy: did he say that? Janis: No, nah, 'course not Janis: just 👀s Jimmy: then don't be a dickhead Jimmy: he knows you're my girlfriend Janis: just joking Jimmy: funny Janis: gotta laugh Jimmy: nah Jimmy: join me in misery Janis: that bad? Jimmy: just joking Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: when you working 'til today Jimmy: 3 Jimmy: why? Janis: just working out when i can drop in to get my headphones Jimmy: I can give 'em to your sister Jimmy: she drops by at lunchtime like clockwork Janis: 😑 Janis: that would require talking to her Janis: for you and me Jimmy: I was reckoning more on a shove 'em at her & run Jimmy: gotta go on my break, soz gracie Janis: good 🍀 Janis: if she can read social cues at all she ignores them Jimmy: save me then, babe Jimmy: come yourself Janis: will do Janis: not lunchtime, obviously Janis: been summoned home anyway 🙄 Jimmy: you in the shit too? Jimmy: how #goals of us, Juliet Janis: truly Janis: it's only my dad, he ain't got no balls Jimmy: @ me in some shit to demonstrate our mutual pining like Jimmy: no way I'm allowed out until my dad's home at least Janis: figured Janis: least if you're effectively grounded no one waiting on that first date like Jimmy: he can't stop me taking the sibs & dog out but probably best if you don't show up too Janis: 👍 no problem Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: if you wanna keep it coupley, gonna have to be in work hours Janis: guess i got no excuse not to be there atm Janis: hmm Janis: i will show up at lunch, least we'll have a definite witness Janis: that'll keep 'em going Jimmy: they travel as a pack, we'll have 5 Jimmy: take some selfies, make a scene, go again. Easy, yeah? Janis: 🙄 such a fake bitch Jimmy: law of Leprechaun town Jimmy: got us in on it even Janis: least we're going for gold, what the fuck are you doing gracie Jimmy: least we know Mia's going for the throat Jimmy: god bless Janis: gonna have to go for yours Janis: don't take it personal Janis: no time for half-arsing it Jimmy: 💕 Janis: that's the #mood Jimmy: it'll piss my dad off too so sign me up Jimmy: more lasting you can make it, the better Janis: no amateur at either, babe Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I remember Janis: Yeah? Janis: told ya Jimmy: you tell me a lot of things, Judith Jimmy: so chatty you Janis: 🖕 Janis: be off then Jimmy: alright Jimmy: 'til lunch my love Janis: 💘 Janis: you know the deal, have something not shit waiting for me Jimmy: I'm already there, baby 💕 Janis: 😏 dickhead Jimmy: do you want food or you just gonna snack on me like you're channeling a mia move? Janis: she's not inspiration or goals Janis: can't have her reckoning that, ever Jimmy: #thinspo Janis: 😂 Janis: get me a bacon sarnie to fuck her off Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: nowt sexy bout that but I'll 😍 best I can Janis: how rude Janis: what you want me to order, like u got anything phallic on the menu lads Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: you'll have a straw with your smoothie, it's fine Janis: I've been forced to endure many a teeny romcom, it's fine Janis: know what to do, boy Jimmy: weren't doubting Jimmy: easy for you anyway, what am I gonna do? lick out a coffee lid suggestively? nah Janis: please do Janis: need a good laugh Jimmy: piss off Janis: still think you're cute, don't worry baby Jimmy: yeah I know Janis: shut up Jimmy: save it for when you can make me Jimmy: the audience will love that Janis: yeah expecting applause Jimmy: I'll take the hit when Mia throws her iced coffee Jimmy: workers comp Janis: Love that for her, if only you didn't take your coffee like a basic bitch, might have the desired effect Jimmy: only gonna make me look hotter, girl so tah Janis: who isn't about a wet t-shirt moment Jimmy: she helps me out loads for someone who reckons they're a #hater Janis: save your thanks for the acceptance speech Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: not gonna thank her the way lads usually do Janis: #notliketherest is it? 😏 Jimmy: #standardsunliketherest Janis: If you say so Janis: me being your 'girlfriend' probably has 'em doubting that Jimmy: I had said it, loads Jimmy: Start listening, girl Jimmy: might stop you chatting shit for a sec Janis: Yeah yeah Janis: I heard ya Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: the manager's here Jimmy: in a bit Janis: 👍 laters Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [After] Janis: [Headphone selfie] Tah Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [Selfie to show the general disheveled state of him after that glorious PDA] Jimmy: likewise Janis: 😳 Janis: worked though Jimmy: I didn't reckon Mia's voice could get this high Janis: Ha 😂 Janis: so pressed Jimmy: their debrief is the real show Jimmy: & you're missing it Janis: Gutted 💔 Janis: gimme the play by play Jimmy: nowt you ain't heard before I'm sure Jimmy: 🎻 & 🗡 Janis: usual then Janis: sure gracie will fill me in on how much of a bitch i am no worries 🙄 Jimmy: if she don't you didn't do enough Jimmy: you'll have to come back Janis: yeah? doubt that was her shout somehow 😏 Jimmy: let me know Janis: If you think I'm letting her dictate 'round 2 you got the wrong twin Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Yeah, be sure to tell her how gutted you are about that Janis: love to get it #confirmed Jimmy: you're alright Janis: can't say i didn't try Jimmy: nobody can Jimmy: not after that display Janis: too much? Jimmy: nah Jimmy: it was spot on Janis: 🥇 Janis: no need to come back then Jimmy: unless you wanna smack Mia Jimmy: I'd be down to see that Janis: Perv Janis: and 'course I do but her bones might legit crumble and I don't need to get sued by Daddy Jimmy: 💔 Janis: I know babe Jimmy: more gutted I can't accidentally dump this order on the lot of 'em anyway Janis: can't even be mad Janis: #thecouplethathatestogether Janis: I legit couldn't stick another second of them Jimmy: I know babe Jimmy: A lesser ego would think you were desperate to get away from me, but not this one Janis: Thank God you're you 💘 Janis: can't be dealing with stroking egos and destroying others in one Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Love you too Janis: when will your dad forgive you/me enough Janis: wanna see twix, like Jimmy: He doesn't get back til 6.30 Jimmy: usually later Janis: so, between the hours of 6.30-6.30, she's all mine? Janis: well, share with the kids, not a total heartless cow Jimmy: yeah Janis: good to know Jimmy: not gonna stand in the way of #truelove am I? Janis: try it Jimmy: ain't got the energy today, darling Janis: 😏 Janis: oh colour me surprised Jimmy: you shouldn't be Jimmy: you know how I slept Janis: i know Janis: he was alright though once you went in with him yeah Jimmy: after a bit Janis: 👍 good stuff Janis: consolation i didn't sleep all that good either Jimmy: like I said, join me in misery Jimmy: you should drink coffee Janis: why are you trying to ruin me Jimmy: says the girl trying to kill me by any means she can Janis: You asked for it Jimmy: 😱 Jimmy: # something relevant for me 'bout that Janis: not blaming or shaming Janis: but you can't fool me, babe Janis: #youwantit Jimmy: #busted Jimmy: 😍💕 Janis: didn't know you were arty Janis: btw Jimmy: why would you? Janis: idk, feel like i shoulda guessed Janis: #softboi Jimmy: piss off Janis: you're pretty good Jimmy: now really piss off Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 😑 Janis: 'scuse me Janis: giving you a compliment Jimmy: save it for when you can gimme one that matters Jimmy: just doing my bit Janis: Fussy Jimmy: what? Janis: My compliment not good enough 😜 Jimmy: gimme a better one then Jimmy: 'cause that's bollocks Jimmy: it's just a doodle not even that #goals Janis: can say my standards ain't high as yours then Janis: whatever, boy Jimmy: give & you take 💔 Janis: You're prettier than you've drawn yourself Janis: happy? Jimmy: you're prettier than I've drawn you Jimmy: shit artist Janis: ugh stop Janis: 🥊 Jimmy: take the compliment, dickhead Janis: you first Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Cute Jimmy: tell me something I don't know, Jennifer Janis: Alright Janis: I wish I could come back Jimmy: why can't you? Janis: Lots of reasons Janis: they're still there, for one Jimmy: that's a point in the 'why you should' column Jimmy: don't leave me with 'em Janis: poor baby Janis: but I don't know if I can chill Jimmy: we don't chill Jimmy: so fine Janis: you gotta work Jimmy: I'm on the clock with you putting in those fake boyfriend hours Janis: but Jimmy: what? Janis: I want you Jimmy: then come back Janis: it's okay yeah Jimmy: we got interrupted last night, it's only fair we get to make up the time now Janis: it's so hard just kissing you and walking away now Jimmy: I'll be done here in a bit Jimmy: we can leave together Janis: alright Janis: they better not say shit, actually not in the mood Jimmy: I'll fake sick & you can meet me outside? Jimmy: hangover's believable Janis: where we gonna go? Jimmy: I don't know Janis: Come back to mine Jimmy: ain't there 100s of you? Janis: Yeah but rich bitch no Janis: there's places, don't worry Jimmy: alright Jimmy: but if we get interrupted again I'm fake dumping you Janis: we won't Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: where are you now? I can meet you there depending Janis: Gym Janis: had to distract myself somehow Jimmy: like I said, trying to kill ME constantly Jimmy: you're welcome for the headphones then Janis: Like I said, gotta make sure you feel it too Jimmy: you're wearing those clothes again, aren't you? Jimmy: I'll pass the news on to Mia before I go Janis: What else was I gonna wear, like Janis: sure she'll be thrilled Janis: fill in the blanks yourself though, babes Jimmy: a ballgown for all I know Jimmy: not set foot inside a gym Janis: don't let on Janis: so not #goals Janis: who they gonna take #gymselfies with Jimmy: you Jimmy: I'm ken to your barbie, Julie, basically surplus Janis: Please, I actually workout when I'm there, not stare at boys whilst also making sure I look #fit at all times pracing on the treadmill Jimmy: I know Jimmy: I can tell Janis: so 💪 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: you're really fit Janis: shh Jimmy: I get it, you don't wanna talk Jimmy: I'm leaving, don't worry Janis: Good Janis: I'm done with waiting and interruptions and other people Jimmy: where am I going? Jimmy: realised I don't know where you live Janis: Ugh, middle of bloody nowhere literally Janis: Easier if you dare to step in the gym and I'll come with Jimmy: could've sent a car for me, rich girl, or a 🐎 Jimmy: but alright Janis: 🙄 we don't have horses, thank God Janis: there is a donkey if you wanna be that dickhead, very Blackpool, init? right at home Janis: [gym location] literally, down the road and do a left, you'll see all the wankers in the window benches posing Jimmy: swap you for the dog, just kick them cats out & you'll be right Jimmy: gimme a sec Janis: give you 5 mins, even as a 🚬 Jimmy: tah 💕 Jimmy: that's love Janis: it's something Janis: show you when you get here Jimmy: not what I want you to show me Jimmy: but I guess Jimmy: I'll survive Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: last night didn't help you figure it out? Janis: Got some ideas Jimmy: you'll get more Jimmy: just wait 'til I get there Janis: Inspiring Janis: thought I was meant to be the #muse Jimmy: you reckon we're a team Jimmy: I remember you saying Janis: I remember lots of things you said Janis: and everything you didn't Jimmy: won't have to repeat myself then, will I? Janis: I won't be mad if you have to repeat some things Janis: just saying Jimmy: you can do some of the exact same things too, if you want Janis: I intend to Janis: and more, better Janis: had plenty of time to think now Jimmy: just how far away is your house? I need to catch up Janis: Glad you said it 😏 Janis: like 15 on the bus 🙄 but I can tell you all about it then Janis: if I whisper, like Jimmy: 🤞 our fave grandma is there Janis: 😂 Janis: down to give her a reason to really hate Jimmy: are you even goals 'til you turn a hater into a fan? Jimmy: don't think so Janis: ew don't be tryna turn old ladies on Janis: omg, are you your ex Janis: tryna let me down gently Jimmy: there never was an ex #plot twist Jimmy: Barry is my true love Janis: damn Janis: i don't need you to be my true love though barry it's alright Jimmy: stashed the baby in the back of the CG it's why I take such long breaks Jimmy: don't even 🚬 Janis: suspiciously good with kids Janis: damn wait 'til they find out the real #tea Jimmy: 😂 Janis: imma look a fool but i hope barry isn't cheating on you, hearing that cry for help now, babe, soz 💔 Jimmy: channel it into my art, don't I? 🎻🎨 Janis: you did a good job not making me look like an old man Janis: hard to resist, I'm sure Jimmy: shoulda seen my first draft Janis: 😂 Jimmy: you do look better than I can draw you though, for real Jimmy: it ain't my preferred method or whatever Janis: yeah? Jimmy: bit rude if you don't know what is 'cause you've been spending loads of time posing for it Jimmy: means I'm shit at that too Janis: huh, no Janis: that makes perfect sense Janis: you do take a good snap Janis: also why they all thirsting, casual personal photographer 🙄 oh ladies Janis: not that you ain't fit too but you know Jimmy: we all know what the real attraction is Jimmy: keep getting more #goals me Jimmy: shame I had to be in 'em or I could've taught Mia about angles and improved her story even more Jimmy: you fucked up there, mate Jimmy: should've gone with Pete and let me film it Janis: full package, babe Janis: didn't feel like a shame, trust me Janis: though your desire to make money outta me making more and more sense #starvingartist Janis: you're the one that'll have to edit out his cum face Jimmy: hang on, you can let me know what this feels like Jimmy: [dramatic gym kiss hello] Janis: Well Jimmy: unconvincing Jimmy: [kisses her again because] Janis: Jimmy Janis: if you don't stop I'll have to start something right here Jimmy: nowt you've just said is making me want to Janis: I know Janis: Why do I want you this bad, fuck Jimmy: 💔 why wouldn't you, dickhead Janis: Shh it ain't personal Jimmy: what is it then? Jimmy: you said me Janis: I meant Janis: I don't know, this ain't exactly what I do everyday Jimmy: it should be Jimmy: you're good at it Janis: you Jimmy: us maybe Jimmy: it works Janis: Yeah Janis: that's what I mean, I think Janis: it's weird but it just does Janis: really good Jimmy: Like I said, you're weird Jimmy: 'course you like it Janis: why am i weird Jimmy: 'cause you're just Jimmy: different Jimmy: from them, from what I thought you were Jimmy: I don't know Janis: i cannot believe you thought i was one of them Janis: 😂 in what world Jimmy: not your sister, the collective them of this whole town Jimmy: you're just more like someone from before Jimmy: I can't explain it alright, shut up Janis: It's alright Janis: [Kisses him] Jimmy: we gotta go Jimmy: I can't stay here doing this and not Jimmy: I can't even finish the sentence 'cause you're like Jimmy: we just need to leave Janis: Me too Janis: Come on Janis: we just need to Janis: yeah Jimmy: yeah Janis: [On bus 'cos they can't keep kissing the entire time without anything happening so reprieve] Janis: I didn't think this would happen Jimmy: why? Janis: well, you know,you were kinda a dickhead, i'm kinda a dickhead all the time Janis: this wasn't the first logical conclusion to jump to Jimmy: sort of is Jimmy: we're both dickheads Jimmy: #matchmadeinheaven Janis: 😏 when you put it in words it sounds logical Janis: grace reckoned you were using me to get to her and i knew that weren't the truth but idk Jimmy: I know what it is, you reckoned I'd be a shit kisser all big ego & worse chat Jimmy: thought you'd have to suffer through it Janis: pretty much Janis: spot on Jimmy: not the first time I've made that impression Jimmy: or proved it wrong Janis: i bet Janis: wouldn't be the first time i'd suffered through so you know Jimmy: really? Janis: 'course Janis: hasn't everyone? Jimmy: gimme names I'll put them on blast Jimmy: twitter campaign with my newly unlocked account Janis: 😂 productive Jimmy: if one is Mia especially Janis: Christ, as much as she wants to turn me so she can be vindicated in her gaybashing Janis: hell no Jimmy: her teeth could fall out & choke you Jimmy: #goals Janis: 🤢 Janis: she can't be a good lay, I don't get it Jimmy: she isn't, I can tell Jimmy: just an effortless catch Janis: yeah? guess if you ain't yourself, ideal girl Jimmy: she'll be one of those girls who just lies there Jimmy: makes you do everything & then slates you for it Janis: exactly, 'cos heaven forbid you try and chat shit back Jimmy: why is your sister friends with her? I don't get that Janis: bitches of a feather Jimmy: but when she comes in on her own she's like Jimmy: shy Jimmy: nice in a 'don't you dare look at me' way Janis: meh, she's a co-dependent Janis: always has been Jimmy: is that like a twin thing? Janis: fuck off, I don't need her Janis: see me with a Mia to chase around like a puppy? Jimmy: nah, I mean like, she needs you but you don't need her so there's Mia ready Janis: idk, maybe Janis: i think anyone can be like that, some people can't hack being alone but it probably done help that she weren't even in the womb, yeah 🙄 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: my brother & sister need me Jimmy: it's exhausting but I can't not do it Janis: they are kids though, that's excusable, like Janis: still hardwork, no doubt Jimmy: Cass ain't much younger than me though Janis: yeah but gracie has two perfectly lovely parents and an array of brothers and sisters and various fam about, if she's that arsed, know what i mean Janis: being close makes sense when its small like you gotta Janis: she don't need to be how she is on me Jimmy: I'm being a dickhead & you're being spot on Jimmy: I just want her to settle in, you know what I mean Janis: you're alright, most people think it 'cos loads of twins are freaky joined at the hip, so that's what she reckons she wants too but tough shit, you know, didn't ask to be born with her Janis: 'course Janis: it must be shit Janis: she'll be alright, it's that age where everyone's sorta stil mates, not dead separate Janis: she can hold her own Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: least my dad timed it better for them than he did for me Janis: you know Janis: parents are cunts Janis: our older sister had to do so much for us 'til she got sick of and fucked off basically Jimmy: hang on while I tweet that wisdom & @ him Jimmy: yeah he has twitter honestly Janis: cringe Janis: probs subtweeting 'bout me this morning like 👋 Jimmy: I don't reckon he knows what he's doing on it Jimmy: just wants to tell his girlfriends how relevant he stays Janis: can't really slide into someone's fucking linked in Janis: 'less it's with a business offer Jimmy: he does like to mix business and pleasure Jimmy: many an office romance Janis: 😬 Janis: always a good idea Jimmy: I told you, keeps jobs only slightly longer than he does lasses Jimmy: it's all connected, mate Janis: effort Janis: least i can ask to move seats Janis: can't be like, sack debbie from accounts bye Jimmy: don't be trying to have me expelled when school starts Janis: alright, thought you'd be buzzin' but i'll go Janis: cba Jimmy: I wanna go 'cause its bollocks not 'cause they've told me to Jimmy: more of a fuck you to my dad that way Janis: rebel with a cause okay 😍 Jimmy: I'm just saying he'd love it if I got kicked out so he can pretend he's right about what a waste of space I am Jimmy: like I don't do everything he can't be bothered to Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: seriously though Janis: that's just shitty adult speak for 'do my job for me' Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: I keep telling him that I reckon Bobby needs to like talk to someone or some shit but nah, I'll do the work for free Jimmy: qualified fucking child therapist me Janis: duh, got that PHD done between CG and school and full-time childcare Janis: 'cos when nothing happens, or only bad does, can blame you Janis: not deal with how some of it's likely on him Janis: and sorting it fully is, what can you do, or poor Bobby Jimmy: just worry bout him all the time 👍 Jimmy: tah dad really helpful Janis: useless, all parents are Jimmy: didn't wanna sleep in my own bed or get a decent night of it anyway Jimmy: it's fine Janis: but if you complain, you're selfish, yeah? when it ain't complaining for sake of, you just want something actually done Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: & fucked if I wanna stay with you or have you over Jimmy: how dare I Janis: how wild, a teenage boy with urges Janis: right for him though 'cos his roof and all that Jimmy: & new house new rules Jimmy: 'cause that makes sense Janis: 🙄 Janis: only stupid people would have kids, that's my theory Janis: if you had a brain, and could be sorta in change of another human, you wouldn't want to Jimmy: @ Barry next time, babe Janis: fuck you Barry, coming for your mans too and what Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: how do you do that? Jimmy: make me laugh when everything is still shit Janis: Just my renowned personality that Janis: everyone reckons, like 😏 Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause he does reckon, sorry bus peeps] Janis: Welcome Jimmy: when I don't say it that means you don't either, dickhead Janis: soz, new to this friends malarkey, like Jimmy: #friendzoned Jimmy: 💔 Janis: shut up Janis: you need reminding of what we're about to do Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: I do need to shut up & stop throwing my emotional baggage at you, very ungoals Janis: [Kisses him for the reminder and 'cos] Janis: Not to shut you up 'cos nah Jimmy: a bit Jimmy: but its alright Janis: got plenty of baggage to throw at you should you ever wanna even that score Janis: but I ain't telling so far as the world is concerned we're both 🥇 Jimmy: It's like I said last night, I don't mind talking to you but not this second Jimmy: I just want Janis: What? Jimmy: just kiss me again Janis: [More] Jimmy: I'm not saying tah Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 😏 Janis: Glad to hear that ain't what you say after Janis: would have been a struggle to act my way over that Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: what was it you said? Very polite very un me Janis: Something like that Jimmy: I'll try & call you by the right name though Jimmy: not let any Barry's slip out Janis: 😑 please try Janis: no convincing myself I heard you wrong Janis: ego can't hack that, like 🤷 Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 🖕 Janis: could at least give me false promises now, boy Jimmy: no fake shit Jimmy: not for this Janis: deal Jimmy: [kisses her again cos yolo bitches] Janis: that was real? Janis: shit Jimmy: or how we make deals in the north, Irish girl Jimmy: figure it out Janis: 😏 as amusing as the mental image of business bro dickheads getting off with each other literal to seal a deal is Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: just don't think about my dad or we've got a problem Janis: no danger Janis: safe to say the feeling's mutual too Jimmy: least you'll be long rid of me before I start to look like him Jimmy: again, welcome Janis: 👍 Janis: baz can have you back Jimmy: he'll be dead Jimmy: come on Jimmy: life expectancy of 61 up north & that's if you try Janis: 😂 whoops Janis: pine then bitch Jimmy: 💔🎻 Jimmy: black's my colour anyway so sorted Janis: mhmm, buzzin' for it, I know Janis: welcome again Janis: i really fucked your neck up didn't i [touches] Jimmy: I okayed it before & during, didn't I? Janis: okayed during is an understatement but i'll allow it Janis: save your blushes Jimmy: I didn't have the blood spare for 😳 Janis: such a waste Janis: all the times you've turned me on in public Jimmy: how many? you can round up or whatever school ain't started Janis: Let me think Janis: I don't know, every time we've met up, before you've even kissed me half the time Janis: sometimes just when we've been talking like this, you're hot Jimmy: Where are we if we stop the bus and get off right now? Jimmy: 'Cause I really want to properly turn you on now you've said that Janis: Umm no neighbourhood I know, babe Janis: we've got all afternoon Janis: patience 😘 Jimmy: I'm too northern for that Janis: Excuse for everything 😏 Jimmy: if I'm gonna be dead in 40 odd years that's the only excuse I need Janis: Cheery 😉 Janis: go on then Janis: don't waste any more time, see how turned on I am now [moves hands winkwonk] Jimmy: [saucy activities ensue like I'm surprised ruster don't appear like don't steal our thunder bitch] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ?? Janis: just practicing Janis: can't say it out loud right now Jimmy: practicing trying to kill me, yeah? alright Janis: you don't need no practice, clearly Jimmy: #muse remember Janis: you're good let's do this all day Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: if I get cramp and can't sling a latte tomorrow, on your head Janis: what do i care, i don't drink 'em Janis: 😈 Jimmy: that's the most #goals thing you've ever said to me Jimmy: as far as my personal ones go Janis: the ones we're keeping off the 'gram Jimmy: yeah Janis: do need to think of a non-cringe way to hype up how good you are though, don't get it twisted ladies 😍 Jimmy: while you're thinking Jimmy: [keeps being a saucy bastard cos no chill] Janis: Oh my God Janis: please, I need to bite you some more Jimmy: shit, I've never heard you say please before Jimmy: real or fake Janis: too real, you got me polite as you want, come on or this bus is gonna hear my prettiest too Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: alright Janis: you taste so Jimmy: if its anything like how you taste then I Janis: i wish we had more time i just wanna climb on top of you and Janis: but we're about 3 stops away now Jimmy: [moves her himself 'cause he's cheeky like that] Jimmy: and what? Janis: fuck me Janis: we're gonna get in trouble Jimmy: that's the plan Jimmy: I'll get in trouble for you, it don't matter Jimmy: if anyone asks I'll just say it's all fake Janis: you feel pretty real under me right now Jimmy: you feel Jimmy: I thought I liked kissing you but this is Janis: I want it all Janis: so fucking much I didn't know I could this bad Jimmy: like you said, we've got all afternoon Janis: not long enough Janis: it's a start Jimmy: warn me if you're gonna say shit like that so I can warn everyone on this bus how I'll react Janis: Not sorry Janis: only sorry it's not School time so we could bunk and have all day without feeling bad Jimmy: excuse me while I turn it into a laugh/cry 🎭 Jimmy: don't mind me everyone, rehearsing my death scene Janis: They're all impressed, can't hide it Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: impressed by you Jimmy: you look Janis: Nah only you Jimmy: take the compliment, Janis Janis: Okay Janis: as you remembered my name, like Jimmy: I said I'd try Janis: I'm impressed by your efforts too, don't worry Janis: not gonna go unrewarded Jimmy: [kisses just because] Janis: How do you do that Jimmy: what? Janis: make kissing Janis: good Jimmy: I told you, you're good at it Jimmy: I take pretend it's all me Jimmy: can't* Janis: Suppose so Janis: doesn't say much for everyone else I've kissed but maybe I was shit then Jimmy: like I said, gimme the list Jimmy: they must've been fucking it up 'cause you're Jimmy: you're just not shit Janis: thanks Janis: sorry everyone but not really, ain't that deep Jimmy: were you really surprised when we first kissed or just me Janis: No, I was like Janis: you're gonna think I'm cringe or just saying it but I didn't know it could feel like that Janis: that's why it's got me thinking on everyone else, like what the fuck lads, why were you holding out Jimmy: I get it, I didn't expect it to feel like this either Jimmy: fuck you, Barry, honestly Janis: 😂 Janis: For real Janis: like, it wasn't even 'cos I thought you'd be shit really Janis: idk Janis: weird Jimmy: I didn't think you'd be shit Jimmy: for the record Jimmy: just not into it Janis: 🤷 Oops Janis: that's what I expected and intended too, I guess, just a deal, like Janis: but Janis: just feels too good Jimmy: We've still got a deal Jimmy: only it's changed a bit Jimmy: now it includes getting to finish what I started without some dickhead interrupting me Janis: Please Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause she said please again it makes him die] Janis: [Misses stop 'cos really, has to get off at next one] Janis: That was your fault Jimmy: yours too Jimmy: I don't know the stops, girl Jimmy: you've got one job, I was doing mine Janis: Hmm well perhaps if yours wasn't distracting me you could be doing your REAL job by now 😒 Jimmy: if that's what you wanna call how you felt, go on Janis: Hush, you cannot break my concentration now Jimmy: where the fuck are we? Janis: Farm town, boyo Janis: you ever fucked in a barn before? Jimmy: how would I? Jimmy: you know where I'm from Janis: idk how adventurous your life has been Jimmy: it ain't been well travelled Jimmy: til now Janis: you're welcome for the detour Jimmy: how long 'til we're back where we need to be? Janis: Only 5 if you keep up Janis: wasn't THAT distracted, soz Jimmy: let me get some blood circulating and stop being brutal Janis: 😏 Jimmy: 👍 lets go Janis: Do your best to sneak, yeah, God knows who's about Jimmy: easy for you to say, still so quiet on that bus somehow Jimmy: like a horny mute Janis: piss off Janis: that's such an unsexy thing to call me you bastard Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: it's impressive Janis: it's just self-control Jimmy: what's it gonna take to make you lose it? Janis: Maybe you'll find out Jimmy: I will Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: if it takes me longer than this afternoon, then fine Janis: you wanna do this again Janis: not this exact scenario, detour included like Jimmy: do you? Janis: you always do that Janis: answer questions with questions Janis: sly Jimmy: that still ain't an answer from you Janis: yeah Janis: i wanna Janis: i like it Jimmy: I like you Jimmy: don't be weird about it Jimmy: weirder Janis: forever a dickhead Jimmy: piss off it's a compliment, how many times Janis: 😂 okay okay Janis: i get it, you like weird Janis: i like dickheads, namely you though Jimmy: bet you love yourself, you massive dickhead Jimmy: I like you & you happen to be weird, it's not a fetish or owt Janis: do actually 💪 Janis: got my own name tattooed on my arse, like Jimmy: 📷 one for the insta then Jimmy: least it'll help me remember it Janis: That's why I got it Janis: saves a conversation Jimmy: stop making me laugh Jimmy: trying to be mad at you for making us miss our stop Janis: you know you can't be mad at this face Janis: or this arse Jimmy: [kisses her and touches the booty 'cause true] Janis: See Janis: 😍 Jimmy: alright, shut up Janis: can make me in a minute Jimmy: I can make you now Jimmy: if you're gonna keep on Janis: Back to being mute Janis: thought you wanted to hear some noise, contrary Jimmy: leave it out Janis: 🤐 Janis: ❓ Jimmy: [starts being saucy to try and get her to make noise] Janis: You know how much I like to win, yeah? Jimmy: as much as me Janis: Oh baby Janis: you wish 😏 Jimmy: I know Jimmy: [cranks his naughty behaviour up a notch which makes me lol like where even are you lads? calm down] Janis: You know I have to live 'round here, right Jimmy: you do, I don't Jimmy: you know how to make me stop Janis: Bastard Jimmy: just stop holding it in Janis: I don't know if I'll be able to stop if I do Jimmy: I don't want you to stop Jimmy: do you? Janis: No but Jimmy: you want everything, gimme this Jimmy: [more sauciness 'cause] Janis: [is loud, hopefully no one is about lol] Jimmy: Fuck Jimmy: you really were holding out on me, weren't you? Janis: It's just Janis: embarrassing Jimmy: It's just amazing Janis: No bullshitting? Jimmy: I said I wouldn't Janis: Okay good Jimmy: You're so hot Jimmy: how you look, feel, taste, sound Jimmy: I just want it Janis: You're Janis: I don't know why but I'm not gonna question it because I want you just as much Janis: More Jimmy: [more kisses] Janis: We need to keep walking Jimmy: yeah Janis: I don't want to either but I need you to fuck me so Jimmy: It's alright, I need it too Jimmy: we can do this Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 🥇