#thanks for coming to my ted talk i need to journal about this but i am avoiding it for the moment because im having a lot of big feelings

[savage-rhi]

Daily Highlights #16 (3-26-23)

3 Things That Made Me Happy

My king snake booped my nose while I had him out

A parent texted me that their kiddo misses me during the break

My peeps up North are planning to make a trip down to where I am at because I cannot afford to travel

3 Productive Activities I Performed

Began submitting documents for disability

Started doing a little bit of spring cleaning

Sleep, Sleep, Sleep mother fucker

3 Self Care Activities I Accomplished

Took naps in intervals to help me get through being sick and work on things.

Used social media sparingly so I could focus on getting better

Did a mental health check in with myself when I felt like spiraling

3 Emotions I felt Today

Fatigued

Contentment

Anxiety

Overall Day

5/10 Jeff Goldblum’s

[campirebitesarchive]

hi besties i just got back from the cardiologist and the good news is that i got answers and im not dying but the bad news is i have mitral valve prolapse and i am relieved and also still scared because it is a valve disease in my heart and it causes a bit of mitral regurgitation which is scary and i am being so brave about it

[chen-chen-chen-again-chen]

Six Sentence Sunday & Countdown to EGF (Week 1!)

Hello hi hola!! Thank you for the early morning tags, @thewholelemon and @artsyunderstudy! I have six-ish sentences from Chapter 3 of my EGF fic, which I shared with my lovely EGF collaborator @shemakesmeforget (thank you for making me feel good about my writing 😆😆😆):

When Baz comes out into the kitchen, Simon Snow is still trotting around mostly naked except for Baz’s boxer briefs. He has freckles and moles everywhere, and the collar around his neck and the steaming mug of tea in his hands make him look oddly domestic; Baz is sure he’s seen a porn that started this way. 

“Here,” Simon says, thrusting the mug at Baz. “Wasn’t sure if you took milk or sugar.” 

“Usually milk,” Baz says, opening the fridge, “but - ah, yes, I’m out. I was going to do the weekly shop, but then kidnapping, imprisonment, et cetera.”

“Extremely et cetera,” Simon says solemnly. 

Writing blather, a bonus pic, and tags behind the cut! 

Here’s a brief description of my writing process thus far: 

Write 22 000 words in basically a fever dream / fugue state (around the same time that I wrote “A cake with your name on it”)  

Let it sit, because I knew it needed massive edits 

Sign up for EGF in early Jan with all the arrogance and naivete of youth, because “hey! I already have a draft!” 

Reread the draft in mid-Jan and feel like throwing up (Jan. 15 journal entry: “I just re-read my EGF fic and it seems like such a fucking disaster. What the actual hell”) 

Attempt ambitious rewrites. Fail. Lose momentum. Journal about it a lot. Draw a bunch of mind maps. Get lost in the black hole of Tumblr. Cry in the car. Eat kettle chips and binge-watch the K-drama Doctors  

Reread/re-watch some classic things that I should keep in a box/bookmarks folder called Break Glass in Case of Artistic Emergency (The Artist’s Way; Liz Gilbert’s TED talk on daemons; Kiki’s Delivery Service) 

Do some useful loosening up exercises (rewriting and responding to the Basic Principles in The Artist’s Way; writing a paean to the Muses; making a checklist of how to create a good writing context for myself)

Re-read the draft. Think, “Huh, it’s actually not as bad as I thought. Rewriting isn’t working, so I think I just have to work with what I have.” Realise that the draft hasn't changed in quality, just my mindset.

Think fondly of my old mentor McKenna (playwright, poet, Irish madman), who would always say, “These things that you think I'm teaching you? You know them already. I’m just reminding you, is all.”  

I share this not just because I crave validation (I mean, I’m an artist and a human, of course I crave validation) but because I think everyone who reads this probably resonates with at least one part of it. 

And it’s useful for me to have this as a record to come back to say, “Oh yeah, this happened to me before, this will probably happen again, here is evidence that I climbed out of this well before, and here are some really concrete things that I did to climb out of the well. This is all part of the process, even the stretches that suck and feel like you’re off-roading in the dark.” 

If you made it through this exercise in navel-gazing, please enjoy this picture, because I have apparently branched out from making fake t-shirts and entered the realm of making fake mugs for my fic, as part of my Creative Process: 

I have to run off soon (to pick up fresh cinnamon buns) so I am just going to do a bunch of hello tags off the top of my head in a completely random fashion: @erotic-grope-fest, @captain-aralias, @fatalfangirl, @cutestkilla, @technetiumai, @tectonicduck, @aroace-genderfluid-sheep, @raenestee, @dohrnaira, @larkral (look, I came out to play!!!), @facewithoutheart, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @whogaveyoupermission, @martsonmars, @aristocratic-otter. Happy Sunday to you all!

[u2fangirlie-blog]

Reading Dungeons and Dragons Player's Handbook

I haven't played Dungeons and Dragons in 28 years. Recently, I've been invited to play again. I have thoughts about the handbook. What's it like reading the Dungeons and Dragons player's handbook? Some sections are written like an instruction manual written by engineers who assume the reader has a certain level of background knowledge. It's difficult to read. From the perspective of a community college English instructor who taught students to write research papers, this the same problem as reading texts that are unfamiliar and written in a style that is specific to an academic discipline or industry that outsiders find difficult to comprehend. Students often struggle with reading journal articles and give up reading. They misunderstand the content, misrepresent the authors' ideas, and use information incorrectly or out of context. I wonder if this is the same for players and Dungeon Masters.

In the way the D&D handbooks are written, sometimes the rules and spells don't make sense to me. I think this is because the game is decades old and the manuals have been revised so many times by different people that they have lost perspective on making the rules clear to outsiders and newbies. Is it intentional? I don't know. (I suspect that might be a form of gatekeeping.) I do understand that some rules and spells are written vaguely so Dungeon Masters can apply their own interpretation during gameplay. This allows the game to be modified to the group's needs and preferences.

In my opinion, unclear rules are the result of word economy and trying write as concisely as possible. Book publishing is expensive for the parent company (Wizards of the Coast) and the cost of books for the gamers. If books are pricey, people won't buy them. However, in trying to reduce costs by using fewer words, context is lost in the effort to avoid wordiness. The player's handbook is free on the D&D Beyond website, along with information from other manuals. The handbooks could be improved by adding context and clear explanations. They need to use more words for us dummies.

When I get confused reading the D&D rules multiple times, I feel that old math anxiety take control of my brain. I can't think clearly and get frustrated. I feel stupid. It's like my brain is Teflon coated, and the words slide off. Then my brain shuts down. It feels like there's a wet towel or heavy blanket over my head. (Actually, that's a physical sensation of anxiety and depression.)

Thank goodness for the internet. I can research the rules. This information wasn't readily available online 30 years ago when I started gaming in college. Today, the message boards on D&D Beyond and fan-run webpages often are no better than the handbook. People write responses and regurgitate the rules in the exact same wording for confused gamers who ask questions.

However, some websites write articles explaining the rules more clearly, giving definitions and context, and providing examples of using the rules during gameplay. YouTube has many D&D video creators who explain the rules and demonstrate gameplay. I'm grateful to those writers and video creators who understand what their audience needs. Sometimes I save reader friendly versions of webpages as PDFs. Later I print them out and take notes in my own words. (Yes. I still print articles. My brain processes text better in print rather than electronic text.) Those are my thoughts about the D&D handbook.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[baconcolacan]

Okay, get ready Daniel, you know how this goes

1) I doubt R!Tord knows about Hilarson, or if he does, i doubt he's aware of the bond Tom and him had. How would he react knowing that Tom held him so dear and close to his heart, let alone that he skimmed through his years-old dairy (that maybe he still has on? I bet Tord would die to read the parts with Tom mentioned)

2) What would R!Tord do if, after Toms capture he found out that Tom has a partner? A love life? He doesnt know who they are, where they are, in what country and how serious it is, he has no leads, he only knows that Tom is determined enough to endure any type of torture and will keep his mouth shut.

3) so about that ask of Tom disappearing (before the war ) and Tord ruling, more empty than ever.

What would he do, if he found out that someone killed Tom, but only after YEARS of having ruled the world. Years of being empty, he's a lot older, maybe tired, probably bored and one of his search teams somehow finds his remains. What would he do if he found the murderer?

4) so lets say, Tom's murdered right? Does it matter how he was murdered? I mean, would R!Tord treat the person more or less horribly, had he found out Tom suffered a lot while dying, mayhaps was tortured to death- or does he not care at all and only cares that he's dead?

5) R!Tord dies. Tom kills Tord, hooray, what does he do after that? Can he really find peace? With Edd and Matt?

6) RTord dies after tom kills him, but Matt and Edd are also dead, can Tom live on happily still?

7) Stay question, because im feeling generous today ^^ Does AK like anime? I want to think that Tord drags them in comicdoms, maybe begs to do team cosplays, like dress up from the same anime. I can picture them doing a full out Spy family cosplay, and for some reason i feel like Tom would be Loid and Tord Yor

8) idk if you've answered this, but when Matt and Tom were in a relationship for like, a week, back in their teenager years. Did Tord know? How was he coping?

9) How do you feel about someone making fan works, of your fan work. Like what if someone made a oneshot, based on regimen (they've given u credits, ofc)

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. Also theres something so amazing about R!Tom having to pretend to be in a relationship with S!Tord and battling with his emotions and bodily functions, so wholesome, i needed this (meanwhile Stay Tom keeps suffering (o´Д`)=з)

10) How are you?? ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ

HAHAHAHA Alright bud here we go: 1) Well at this point, he wouldn't matter much. Hilarson is dead and gone and it's not like Tom can do anything about that. So it's whatever, but he'll do his best to ensure Tom focuses on the present more. (Unfortunately, Tom does not have Hilarson's journal anymore. It was left behind.)

2.) :) 3.) It's your standard execution, but it would be a lot slower. Though I doubt Tord will be able to feel much of anything even if he watches them die. I'm pretty sure by this point he'll be a very hollow version of himself. After all that power tripping, violence, and domination, all he's left with is a cold, grey, broken world. He has everything he could ever want. But, now he faces a void. And there is nothing. There is nothing. 4.) He cares a lot about everything that happened to Tom. How he died won't really matter to how he'll treat the murderer, if it was a fast or slow death, he won't let the perpetrator die in peace, for daring to take the only colour he'd ever had in his life, the only thing that made things fun, the only person he could call an equal. Now things are empty empty empty. And it's their fault their fault THEIR FAULT. 5-6.) :̵̧̡̧̨̛̖͇̭͔̱̼̘̳͇̠͍̹͇͇̫̯͇̺̣͍̙͔͔͖͓͙͕̫̪̺̻̫̳͔͖͓͉̠͙̰̪̓͋̀̓͌͛͑̑̿̽̑͊̑͊̾̎͂̉͑̑̅͋̎͂̈́̒͗͘̕͝͝͝͝ͅ)̸̢̧̨̡̡̢̢̛̱̞̦̺̪̣̰͙̞̝̪̝̻͉̜̣̺̬̫̯̰͙̮͇͕̲͙̺̼͉͔̗̜̥̮̬͎͙̲̗̓͌̒͋̉̅̏͋̅͋̇̂̃͑͐̿̐͗̈́̂̑̍̏͗̆̋͋̈́̾̄̄́̂͐́͗͐̇̒̀͛̚̚̕͘͠͝͝͝ͅ ̷̨̧̢̟̦̹͉͚͓̮͚̪̥͉̰̫͚͉̰̼̼͕̗͉̣̞̩̰̞̯̰̤̆̌̒̓̈́͑̈͌̏̔̀̉̆͂͐̾͊͋̈́̏̃̎̑̃̄̄͌̀̉̋̐͒̊̊̀̀͂̍̿́̏̈̕̚͘̚͜͝͠͠ͅw̴̨̢̧̪͖͓̮͕̻͉͉̬͔͙͚̟̞͉̺͍͓͈̥͍̘͎̖͎̳̟͚̰̱͖͕̻̘̲̠̥̥̘͊̊͆̈́̀̄̆̌̿̅͊͋̐̅̈́͛̈́̊̿̀͂̈́́̌͋̚̚͜͝ę̵̡̡̢̡̛̛̫̭̮͔̯̮̯̮̪̗͉̱̻̰̌̎͒̍̃͑͑̈̄̓̄͂͛̍͂͗͛̓͐̔́̊͠͝͝͠ļ̵̨̡͇͇̰͇̲̠̝̖̲͕̹̻͙̲̯̗͕͇̖̰̦̯͔̦̤̼͔̟̬̱̜̙͔̮̘͔̄̽̆̏̈́̔̆͂̾̑̍̈͒̉̾̄̿̌̆́͌͐̐̚̕͘͘͜͝ͅl̸̛͙̰͔̪̞̅̎̃̾ I will be the death of me So now I write this eulogy For the better, saner, part of me The person who I used to be A long forgotten melody A hymn composed in malady Long a rotten symphony Found faith within insanity A life of great misanthropy Cannot be given amnesty So goes the given penalty Of a mind in constant reverie With grace alike the Holy See I plead for any sympathy My soul should find its ecstasy In a merciful eternity I had been the death of me A lie I spoke too easily For I refused the remedy To avoid a life of entropy.

7.) AAAAAAAAA That's so cute! Though I think AK will be neutral when it comes to anime, he much prefers more western animation like all the old cartoons Man of Action used to produce. (I bet he'd be into Megas XLR lmao) But he humors his dad when he drags him over to show him the classics, so despite not being a huge fan of it, AK is pretty up to date with anime and anime culture. AND YOU'RE RIGHT, Tom is Loid, Tord is Yor, and he will ROCK THE SHIT out of that dress. Their family cosplay is super accurate bc Tord is a dork and he knows how to make clothes (remember one of his hobbies is doll customization lmao) 8) Matt and Tom dated for about 5 months when they were teens! And ofc Tord knew bc they were super obnoxious about being a happy gay couple (Not that they weren't obnoxiously affectionate when they were just best friends, now they just get to kiss a lot.), and this made him super depressed and jealous (although he didn't know he was jealous.) And more or less exacerbated his shut-in weeb tendencies, which Edd had to deal with by dragging him out of his house to hang out with them some more (or at least with just him, since Edd would notice that Tord is pining after Tom.) How was he coping? Badly, could've resulted in him being an incel like RTord with all of the 'nice guys finish last' or 'Im always in the friendzone boo hoo' but luckily Edd is there to make him stop before he gets redpilled. 9.) I'd be really flustered but I wouldn't mind ahahaha, as long as credit is given I guess. ALSO YEAH FAKE MARRIAGE EXCEPT ITS WITH THE ALT VERSION OF YOUR ENEMY/EX FRIEND/EX-MAYBE-LOVER?? JDSLFKDJSFL WILDIN 10.) I am tired =7=<0 I got too big for my britches and ended up juggling multiple projects so...rip.

[yourleastfavoritetran]

so in general i’m feeling good but also i think i have a psychosis coming on. when i get a psychosis i get really insecure. i seek out constant reassurance from the people around me. i argue too much about things that don’t actually matter because i want to feel like the things i believe are correct. i go around and ask for fist bumps and high fives. when i look at something for too long i start to hallucinate various things.

My hallucinations are goofy because when I was a kid I hallucinated very common things to hallucinate, like monsters or demons or the things you hear about in tv and movies and ted talks. that stopped at some point i guess. I would see this guy‘s face sometimes. it was a monster that my brother had in a nightmare once. I would see it all the time. Then I would see something from a goosebumps episode. the one where they have an evil camera. riveting. i don’t really hallucinate like that anymore. mostly my hallucinations pertain to the setting and environment. most commonly i hallucinate that the walls and ceiling are breathing, that the sky is constantly moving further and further away from me, or that the room i am perceiving is in fact a laboratory or some kind of medical facility. clean, white, sterile. really the thing that changed as my schizophrenia developed was an increase in delusions. when i am psychotic i start to believe that people hate me for no reason, that people want to get me, that everyone is sick of me and wants me gone and is just waiting for me to quit being around. i think this is largely because of my daddy issues.

in any case, i feel a lot better having written this. my current relationship with my counselor is that i only call her when i really need her (i’ve been seeing her since I was 13 so i am generally independent in terms of coping with my illness) so i don’t really talk to her anymore and i also don’t like journaling. i’m imagining someone reading this after i post it which for motivates me to post it because i like to show off (even when i’m really just oversharing on tumblr). anyway, if you read thanks. :)

[peanutbutteresque]

salut, bonjour, guten dag, ciao!

get to know me and le château of my mind (っ˘ڡ˘)っ♨

⍣ i never get caffeinated even after drinking two cups of coffee in less than 10 minutes time gap (i feel like i can pull five cups of coffee in a day and still feel nothing, haven’t tried it yet but i’m pretty confident). it is probably because i have been having lattes, not that tiny yet deadly shots of espresso or proper drip coffee. i normally have one instant coffee and low-calorie sweetener dissolve in small amount of hot water, then put some ice cubes, and at last, pour the pricey-but-hard-to-resist oat milk on it cause we need to balance that less than a dollar grinded coffee with a five dollars milk. believe me, this simple recipe creates a decent typa coffee. it does taste so good and addicting but it doesn’t kick in, i need something stronger which means more acidity and bitterness that i don’t think my tummy is ready for a level up yet. i’m saying this all as if i’m in a person who needs a specific dose of caffeine per day to get their busy business life done lol wrong person *cough cough*. but no, i adore coffee and its caffeine on behalf of dopamine and antioxidant. i also do have a very special coffee buddy whom i cherish the most. we have paired our lattes with an interesting range of food, we went from cakes/cookies to instant noodles. we literally have everything with our lattes. i wish we can go out more and do cafes hopping to explore all the coffee recipes that exist. anyway, y’all better drink water more than coffee, we can’t deny the fact that it’s 100000 times healthier and more important than that colored drinks. 

⍣ i am an aries, yup, “the leader” of all the signs, the hard to get, the dominating, the chaser, the independent, mr/ms. confident, the headstrong type of personality, and the list goes on. frankly, i don’t always feel like i own those natures, it feels like i lean more toward the soft and emotional kind of aries. i can be as indecisive as a libra, sometimes confidence doesn’t seem to be my strong suit, i can’t always say what’s on my mind like most of the aries i know seem to be really good at, i tend to put myself on other’s shoes, i think too much than i act, there were numbers of argument i lost because i chose to breakdown and cry rather than defense myself, i can be as gossipy as gemini. just like many aries, i do have a perfection side but it often leads to me being angry and depressed about it. they said, aries is the type of person who is strong and reliable, i might seen as one with my appearance and how i am in my daily life. can’t deny the fact that people see me as a joker, i always make them laugh in any occasion with or without a purpose. i often wonder, am i doing it because they expect me to do so or is there even a possibility that i am a natural joker? hate to break it to you, i don’t think so, it is true that deep down, i am a wreck, i am lost, i am scared, i do not know what to do. the future i once had a clear vision of seems blurry right now. i need someone to wake up the real sleeping aries in me, she must know how to face a situation like this with such grace and poise. anyway, sorry for turning this into a journal but it will eventually just so you know ;)

⍣ let’s get into the real business, i will use this space to post reviews about movies and tv shows (mostly on netflix and disney+) have watched that leave strong impressions on me. it actually will be rewritten from the reviews i have done on my instagram. most of them posted in close friends, and please note that i have a really really small circle, that’s why i’m planning to re-post them on this platform so it will be more accessible. since i am a full-time fangirl, i will also be liking, re-blogging and might be posting everything about my favorite artists, be it holywood peeps, kpop or cpop idols (mostly wang yibo and xiao zhan)!! 

thank you for coming to my ted talk. please check out my blog regularly for the new updates! take care my loves and be happy! see you latte(r)! <3

[theonlywayisinward]

May your life be an act of love: 30 ways to date yourself

As I'm about to turn 30, I thought it would be a really fun idea to list 30 ways to date yourself, all of which I've been doing this year.

To keep it nice and brief (or not 😉), I'll just dive in:

Meditating. Devoting time to centering and grounding yourself on the daily is maybe one of most productive, yet relaxing ways to love yourself. It has become one of the most crucial aspects of my life and a non-negotiable. If you've never tried it, do it like yesterday. You go into it as one person and leave as another. It's life-changing.

Reading. Read uplifting and inspirational books. I personally recommend any book by Brianna Wiest, who has honestly inspired me to start writing again. I think the best thing you can do to really date yourself is stimulate your mind through books.

Taking your supplements. I think this one is completely underrated and often overlooked. But really dating yourself involves paying attention to what your body and your mind need and the best way to really ensure this in addition to your diet is through supplements.

Eating nutritious foods and staying hydrated. What you put in your body DIRECTLY affects the way you feel. What you eat will affect your mental health as much as it will your physical health. Focus on prioritizing a wide variety of vegetables to help increase diversity in your gut microbiome, which will ultimately lead to a healthier, happier you. The staying hydrated aspect of it is a no-brainer. Drink your eight cups. Just do it.

Exercising. Particularly strength training. It not only helps you feel good and look good, but exerting physical strength also stimulates your mind as it promotes mental strength as well. The whole "your body will only go to where your mind will let it" thing is real. It's all connected.

Going for walks. Yes, the term "hot girl walks" is a thing. Aside from the fact that you're being active, walking is huge for mental health benefits, and it's primarily why I do it.

Following a skincare and oral hygiene routine. Taking care of your skin is so crucial for feeling good. After all, you have to look at yourself in the mirror everyday for the rest of your life-- don't you want the face staring back at you to look vibrant, hydrated and supple? I also highly suggest that in addition to maintaining proper oral hygiene, you whiten your teeth. Your smile will thank you.

Listening to podcasts and audiobooks. Where do I even begin, you can find a podcast or an audiobook for absolutely anything. If you need inspiration or motivation-- go to audible, listen to a Ted Talk, go on Spotify, etc. You'll thank me later.

Making playlists. This one in particular has been a game changer. I don't know where I would be without music. I have a playlist for everything. From breakup bops, to work playlists, to non-sentimental, groovy mixes, to cooking music, you name it.

Buying flowers and burning candles. I personally think everyone should buy themselves flowers. I mean Miley didn't write that song for nothing. My personal bliss is coming home with flowers from the market, lighting a candle, and just taking in the beauty of doing something romantic for myself. I've done it while in a relationship, I've done it while single. And I'll do it forever.

Shopping for new clothes. Simple-- A hot, new wardrobe to channel your inner Goddess? Say less.

Getting massages. This one is self-explanatory but what better way to date yourself than giving yourself the gift of relaxation? If you have some money to spend, I can't think of anyone more deserving of being spoiled by you than you.

Solo beach dates. All you need is a blanket, the cute playlists you've made, headphones and yourself. Wine sold separately.

Writing in a journal. It doesn't have to be a journal either, it can be a random piece of paper, your planner, or even Tumblr (yup, shout out to this platform), but writing out your feelings doesn't only work as a sounding board to help give structure to all the mumbo jumbo in your brain, but it gives you relief and clarity.

Practicing gratitude. Write down at least 3 things you're grateful for everyday and watch your life change.

Cooking. If you like to cook like me, you will find taking the time out of your day to try out new recipes incredibly therapeutic. If you don't know how to cook, what better time to start than now?

Taking up a new hobby. For me it's writing. But for you it can be anything from learning how to crochet, paint, taking up tennis, swimming, etc. Diving into a hobby keeps your mind and body focused; it keeps you entertained, and it opens you up to more creative thinking.

Dressing up and getting dolled up. Maybe get a nice blowout or curl your hair, put on some perfume & try out a new lipstick that catches everyone's eye and just step out of the house. Studies show that your Queen era starts with a solid makeover. I don't make the rules.

Watching uplifting tv shows. If you're currently single, you will never have as much time as you do today to do literally whatever you want, so binge some cute tv shows. I suggest Sweet Magnolias, Firefly Lane, New Girl, etc.

Taking fitness classes. Self-explanatory. Try yoga, pilates, cycling, maybe Crossfit? Whatever it is you want to try, now is the time. And who knows, you might just meet some new people, form a new friend group, meet the love of your life? Maybe, maybe not. But you'll get hot either way.

Feeling your feelings. In my personal experience, when any feelings arise, I allow them. Resisting prolongs them. No better way to date yourself than allowing every emotion into your space and accepting it as part of your human experience. You heal faster this way.

Spending time with friends. Nothing better than being around great energy to really make you feel your best. A good support system is everything.

Affirmations. Changing your inner dialogue at a subconscious level will subsequently change your entire life. Pick some positive affirmations and repeat them everyday, multiple times a day.

Dancing. Go out dancing with friends, take a Zumba class or any other dancing class of your choice. I personally think dancing is one of the most liberating forms of self-expression, so I do it as much as I can and I always feel amazing afterwards-- highly suggest it.

Traveling. Nothing better to help expand your perspective and broaden your horizons than experiencing new cultures, a change of scenery, and trying new food (if you're a foodie like me).

Spending time with family. Family over everything. Feel the love all around you when you're with the people who truly care about you most and revel in it.

Diving into work. Simple, excel at what you're already good at. Take on that extra project, work harder for that promotion, get a side hustle, etc. Not only will you be occupied, but you will increase your finances which will allow you to keep spoiling yourself.

Painting. Another form of therapy. If you don't want to write or talk about how you're feeling, paint it. Abstract art can help you get your feelings out while keeping the privacy component. If you want to be the only one who knows what your masterpieces really mean, learn to make abstract art.

Prioritizing sleep. Sleep hygiene is SO crucial to well-being. Buy the luxurious bed sheets, put your phone away 1 hour before bed, starfish in your bed to your heart's content, and get those 8 hours of sleep. Your body will love you, and your mental health will thrive.

And last but not least-- Cutting off ties with people and situations that don't contribute to your growth. This one's maybe the hardest one but walking away from what no longer serves you is top tier. Nothing more empowering than saying "no" to whatever situation or person is not bringing out the best version of you. Trust me. You will feel peace, relief, and pride. Thus entering your Queen era.

[habitbslouis]

.

[unfoundhoney]

toe the line ; part one ↠

↠ slimecicle x fem!reader ; angst , fluff in future chapters

↠ masterlist

↠ part one ; part two ; part three ; part four

↠ inspired by this tiktok/scene

“And now,” Charlie announces, “An excerpt from our dear Y/N’s precious diary.”

Your heart stops in your chest.

Charlie is your best friend; he has been for years. You first met online and later moved into an apartment together, which is currently where all your friends are gathered for a small get together.

So, here’s the thing about your journal: it is where you write down the darkest secrets from the depths of your soul. Not to be overdramatic or anything, but you would rather die than have someone read your journal. And if there is one person above all else who should not read any entry in it, it’s Charlie.

You know- you know he’s only teasing. You’re all friends here and you know this isn’t meant to be harmful. As far as Charlie knows, you tell him everything actually important. And you do. He’ll know most of everything that you’ve written in your journal. Except for one thing.

You stand quickly, “Charlie-“

Ted pulls you back onto the couch with a laugh.

“Yes! Let’s learn all of Y/N’s deepest, darkest secrets,” Cooper encourages.

“Guys, seriously,” you protest. “Charlie, give me my journal. Do not-“

They probably think you’re messing around with how serious you’ve gotten all of a sudden. That’s why Ted continues to hold you back and playfully puts a hand over your mouth.

You try to squirm your way out of his hold but it doesn’t work. You can literally feel your heart beating out of your chest as fear seizes at every corner of your mind. You promised yourself that Charlie would never find out about this. He can’t. It’ll ruin everything.

“Ahem. From... ooh, just a few days ago, Y/N wrote: ‘It’s truly tragic, the helplessness of falling in love with a friend. I can’t help it. If I could I would because I’m perfectly okay with how things are. I don’t want things to change.’

“‘And yet it’s like I long for him with every fiber of my being. It’s somehow worse that we’re so close, like I’m constantly lying to myself. It hurts, in a way, to be this close and still unable to be with him how I want. But he means too much to me. I’d rather have him as I do now than lose him entirely.’”

It was probably about halfway through Charlie’s dramatic reading of your journal entry that Ted had mercy on you. You can deal with the humiliation and inevitability that every person in this room knows exactly who you’d written about later, for now you push yourself off the couch and storm over to Charlie, yanking your little black journal from his hands and snapping it shut. Your roommate still has humor in his expression; is he really unaware of anything he’d just read?

“You, my dear sweet Y/N, have a crush,” he says.

Obviously, he is not.

“Yeah, great job, Sherlock,” you bite out.

The embarrassment of feeling everyone’s eyes on you only adds fuel to the fire burning angrily in your chest, squeezing tighter and tighter together as the backs of your eyes sting.

“Who���s the lucky guy to have finally captured your heart?” Charlie asks with a teasing smile.

“It’s no one.”

“Oh, come on-“

“It’s nothing.”

“Y/N, come on.”

“No.”

“Who is it?”

“Stop.”

Charlie playfully punches your arm, “Who is it? You can tell me.”

You fall silent. Any anger you had has fizzled out extraordinarily fast, leaving you with an empty, throbbing ache in your chest. You stare at Charlie as tears creep along your waterline, daring to fall as the sinking realization hits you: there’s no way out of this.

There is no clever bit or joke to save you from your guts being spilled on the floor in front of Charlie, who had just unknowingly dragged a knife across your abdomen. Your hands cover the wound but blood seeps between your fingers. There’s no stopping it.

You stare at Charlie, silently begging him to at least stop talking. Your face is hot with embarrassment; Charlie has made it perfectly clear how there is absolutely no chance of him ever seeing you as you see him. Even after reading your innermost thoughts aloud, it’s still so far off the table for him to be interested in you that he can’t even put it together for several long moments.

When he finally gets it, Charlie’s expression changes. His teasing and his humor is gone, replaced with surprise and regret. You can tell just how hard it hits him: he should not have read that.

“Oh,” he says softly.

You look away.

It’s silent for way too long to be comfortable. Awkwardness permeates the air. You feel like crying. Not only did you just unwillingly confess to your best friend, but all of your friends were there to watch.

It’s Ted who speaks up first, “Alright, well, we should all leave immediately. Thanks for having us, you two.”

As quickly as possible, your friends flee your apartment, shoving feet into shoes, grabbing jackets, and leaving with hurried goodbyes. Soon the door has shut resolutely behind them and the apartment falls quiet. You and Charlie have yet to move.

Charlie takes a breath, preparing to speak but faltering before he makes a sound. He flounders with his mouth open for a moment then utters, “W-Why- why did you-...?”

“I can’t talk to anyone about it, so I write about it instead,” you say. “You weren’t supposed to read it.”

This was a secret you were supposed to take to the grave. Charlie was never supposed to know you’ve been in love with him since before you even met in person. He wasn’t supposed to know how not only have your feelings remained after all this time, but they’ve grown stronger. You don’t want him to know.

“I’m sorry,” is all Charlie can think to say.

“Little late for that, isn’t it?”

Maybe that was a little petty, but you think it’s deserving seeing as it is entirely his fault that any of this has happened.

When you finally look back at Charlie, the surprise and the regret is clear but there’s also an unsure awkwardness. You hate that the most. You two are comfortable with each other. You never feel awkward; you get along so well it’s weird and now he’s looking at you like he doesn’t even know you. You can’t stay here any longer.

“I’m making burritos later, if you want any,” you say, beginning your retreat into your bedroom.

“Y/N, wait,” Charlie says, “You can’t just drop a bomb like that and pretend nothing happened.”

“I didn’t!” you exclaim. “You dropped the bomb, Charlie! Not me. If it were up to me, you never would have found out.”

“So... what? You were just going to never tell me?”

“Yes!”

“How would that have worked out?”

“Judging on the last three years, pretty fine.”

“The last three...”

Charlie’s voice fails him, too shocked at the realization of how long you’ve kept this from him, of how well you’ve hidden it. As much as Charlie would love to let you hide in your room then pretend like none of this ever happened, he knows that’s not what needs to happen.

“Y/N, I don’t- I don’t see you like... that,” he says.

“I don’t need a rejection, Charlie,” you say. “There’s a reason I’ve never told you.”

Charlie again has no words. His feelings for you are clear: you have never been anything more than a great friend to him; you will never be more than a great friend to him. You know and have come to terms with that.

You start towards your bedroom again. This time, Charlie doesn’t try to stop you. He does call out to you one last time before you shut the door behind you.

“I am sorry.”

You’re stood over the threshold of your bedroom, looking back at your best friend. You hesitate in responding. Charlie expects a “me, too” or “I’m sorry, too” or something. Instead, you say,

“I know. And I wish I could be.”

You close your bedroom door, leaving Charlie still standing in the living room where he had been when he read your journal. Now, the room is vacated save for himself, hands empty and a feeling in his chest to match, wondering what your response could mean.

[tangoknight]

FINALLY I GET A CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT THIS

Okay okay so recently ive been noticing a whole lot recently that game journalism and reporting is VERY predatory and borderline lies fed to the consumer to guarantee a click. Generally, it isnt *huge* lies, but simply veeeeery selective wording.

For example:

Article's headline is initially worrying- large title is said to be inaccessible to millions. Further reading the article, it states the obvious.

While, no, its not WRONG, it is still pretty predatory and kinda fucked to lure people in like this. Of course the huge AAA game is going to be on next gen consoles. Another example I see a LOT is masking mods under updates for games.

For example:

Literally in the FIRST paragraph its revealed as a mod. Again, its not WRONG. It all leaves me feeling like this;

Maybe im slow to the punch and this is common knowledge, maybe im ragging on reporters for doing the bare minimum on a slow news day, o dunno. Just a problem ive needed the prompt to talk about

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk tumblr

oh that video game industry crash is coming FAST lmao

[hacash]

season 3 predictions

(all of which are likely to be made completely redundant by 2x12 but HEY HO LET’S GO)

Sam. I think the opportunity offered to him by Edwin is too great to pass up but I just can’t imagine the show and the Richmond team without Toheeb Jimoh. Given that the writers have said they’ve planned these arcs in advance I don’t think he’d be written out for the sake of a new acting gig. Therefore because I’m selfish and desperately hoping he stars in season 3 (and could hardly pop back as a recurring character while on Edwin’s team) I could see him doing a Leslie Knope from Parks and Rec: ‘I want to leave Richmond better than when I joined it’. After what I hope will be a promotion for the team I could potentially see him asking Edwin for a year’s grace to help Richmond win the Premier League, and then he’ll happily take him up on his offer.

I’m also hoping like hell that this would be the push Rebecca needs to see there’s not going to be a future in the relationship with Sam. It’s interesting that although Bill Lawrence has openly agreed that the employee/age difference is concerning, there’s been little acknowledgement of that in the show, so I wonder if there’s going to be fallout in episode 12 in some fashion. Regardless, I think it’s time to say goodbye to Sambecca.

Keeley and Roy. I am firmly of the opinion that they ain’t breaking up any time soon. There’s no way in hell Roy has knelt down in front of Keeley so many times without it meaning something, so I am certain that next season will be the planning of the Kent-Jones wedding. 

I also have a sneaking suspicion that Keeley might end up being the next opening-shot of the season. After episode after episode of her working as Roy/Rebecca/Jamie’s emotional support, we got a tantalising glimpse into her psyche last episode: both with her uncertainties around being featured in Vanity Fair and her ambitions being shaped by her mother’s history. I love Keeley but quite frankly we haven’t had enough of her as plot - I really think/hope she might come to the fore next season.

Nate. I fully believe there’s no way in hell Nate will still be working at Richmond come the end of the season, though I can imagine him walking away in a fit of pique rather than Rebecca firing him. (Frankly, I can’t see Ted letting Rebecca do that.) I think he’ll end up joining another team - possibly with or without Darth Mannion’s help - and, although a lot of people here want this to be a devastatingly humiliating/humbling experience for Nate, I’d love to see this as an opportunity for him to genuinely grow outside the confines of Richmond (which forms way too much of his identity - and let’s be honest, can’t always hold good memories for Nate when he was literally asking his teammates not to physically harass him on a daily basis). I can definitely see someone - HigginsHigginsHiggins - giving him Sharon’s number to call before he leaves, and I like the idea that in the season break Nate could be dealing with some of his issues and returning to the Nate the Great we know and love.

However, I then think Nate will somehow end up back at Richmond. While you could argue that it would be better for Nate to make a clean break, it would honestly be a waste of Nick Mohammed’s bloody sterling acting talents to keep him away from Nelson Road for too long in season 3. I have no idea how a redemption arc here might look, but it would have to be good, and if there’s forgiveness to be offered, it should take more than the space of an episode - although I hope they don’t stretch it out too long. Rebecca and Jamie were forgiven relatively quickly; it would be a shame and a bad look if Nate’s own forgiveness journey was too disproportionately drawn out.

I’d also love to see Jamie, Colin and Isaac apologise for their season 1 bullying of Nate. Much as the bullying Nate suffered doesn’t excuse his shoddy behaviour, Nate’s own bullshit doesn’t excuse what our beloved trio pulled in season 1 - and crucially, we never saw them apologise to Nate or try to make amends. I really love apology scenes and I’d love to see Nate with some friends beyond Ted and Keeley - and that li’l scene in the Liverpool karaoke bar with Isaac, Colin and Nate doing shots together means I want more of this friendship.

Some sort of Jamie/Nate commiseration over shit dads and over-compensating for the emotional wounds they give us? Please?

More Higgins. In many ways Higgins is the emotional rock for our beloved Richmond: he’s the only one not suffering from some sort of untold trauma or struggles, and is able to live with a relationship with an imperfect father and yet be a fantastic father himself. I’d love to see a storyline where Higgins isn’t on the periphery but straight in the heart of the action, potentially adopting a Richmond boy or two along the way. 

By saying this, I mean Jamie. If we get a scene where Jamie is invited around to the Higginses for Sunday lunch I will cry. Much like Nate needs space apart from Richmond to grow and heal, Jamie needs close relationships with people who aren’t Keeley for security - mature familial relationships, and quite frankly the Higginses are the stable family dynamic Jamie needs right now. 

Why the fuck does Colin feel the need to remind himself he is not a piece of shit? Enquiring minds need to know. We’ve had episode storylines that focus on Dani, Sam, Jamie and Isaac; I just want one with Colin where I’m not emotionally devastated by the end of it, thank you Headspace.

This isn’t so much a prediction as a plea, but an entire episode where the Richmond boys are the focus. A night out in Richmond, that long-promised pillow fight, them finally taking Colin to go clothes shopping for something that isn’t a  button-up polo shirt - I honestly don’t care, I just need as much of their antics as Apple TV allows.

On a slightly more realistic note, the Himbos Greyhounds content rose significantly from season 1 to season 2, so I can see the writers carrying on with that arc. 

Ted. Fuck knows. At this point I can’t trust myself to predict Ted’s actions - I do think Nate’s going to be leaving Richmond, and so I can’t see Ted leaving as well. It would be amazing if Ted used the dubiously-written expose (c’mon Trent, you couldn’t have given Ted a head’s up or asked for a quote before the article was put online? forget dubious journalism ethics that just...seems inefficient not to approach him for a comment while you were writing the piece) as an excuse to talk more about mental health in sport. I definitely think episode 12 is going to have Richmond rally around Ted, and so I do hope the article isn’t going to drive Ted further into hiding and that he’ll be at Richmond by the time season 3 comes around.

Ted and Rebecca. I can’t have been the only one that caught that little look by Ted when Rebecca left his office in 2x11, right? Certainly the show has set up a whopper of a truth bomb for season 3, when there’s another heart to heart in Ted’s office, and though it could be anything, my little shipper heart is screaming  some sort of romantic confession of love. I don’t know, it just feels like there is a...a something between Ted and Rebecca that’s going to happen in 2x12, and I can’t help but think it’s going to lay the foundations for whatever happens in season 3 big time.

[hollandorks]

If thinking about Battinson and motn was a job I’d be a multi billionaire bestie. Here are some headcanons I have in my silly noggin.

I could just be saying it because I’m a cat person, but he’s definitely a cat person. I picture Bruce on the inside being like “look how cute it is! Look at those little paws!” He’d definitely make a pact with himself to protect the little boy at all costs. On the outside I can picture him being like the memes of a dad with the cat he didn’t want if that makes sense. Him and the cat are best friends.

Also Bruce Wayne loves cinnamon rolls. Freshly baked cinnamon rolls. His mom used to make them homemade and it’s a comfort food for him. It’s cannon. I don’t care if it isn’t—it is. Also omelettes are now a comfort food for Bruce for obvious reasons.

In the most recent one shot you mention that she reads while waiting up for him. I can see him totally showing interest in what she’s reading. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a big horror fan, and on my tbr pile for this year is Tender is the Flesh. It’s supposed to be a gruesome novel. It should be. Cannibalism is legal in it. I can’t wait to read it. Anyways, I can totally picture Bruce being like “man, that’s fucked up. I love her so much.”

We talked briefly about both her and Bruce being sick, but here’s an angsty thought. Okay, so ever since I found out your appendix bursting can kill you I’ve wanted that shit removed. I don’t need it and it could possibly kill me? Get it out. Not to brag but I’m kinda known for not taking care of myself. Imagine her needing surgery because of something like that. I feel like it would take Bruce out. Her being in surgery would remind him of the gala, and he would hate it.

Speaking of the gala, I know in one shot of Bruce’s pov throughout chapters 28 and 29 he had a small interaction with Gordon. I picture Gordon routinely checking on her before she wakes up for the first time and trying to make small talk with Bruce because he clearly needs it. He’d be kinda awkward because Bruce Wayne is just sitting there like a statue. Alfred would engage with Gordon. Honestly Alfred and Gordon having a conversation would be funny.

What do you think their first fight as a couple would be about?

Her and Alfred definitely co-conspire on how they can get Bruce to eat three meals a day.

Bruce definitely loves taking a nap with her.

Anyways thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

🦇

I. Love. This. So many ideas!!! I was actually toying with having them find a stray cat in the sequel 😂 He would TOTALLY be like the grumpy dad who didn't want a cat but actually loves it with his whole heart!

He definitely has comfort foods like that. But he never ever asks for them. But she learns quickly how much he loves it because he just can't quite pretend not to be excited about it

He would also be like that re: a horror book. Or like a fucked up true crime documentary. "That's fucked up....love it and her"

If she ever needed any kind of surgery or hospital visit again he would have so much PTSD about it. He would act like she was dying all over again even if she wasn't! "I'm kinda known for not taking care of myself" 😂 you're just like Bruce

Yes to the Gordon part!!! He'd try so hard to interact with Bruce (because Bruce was so obviously fucked up over it all) but Bruce probably wouldn't even notice Gordon was there. So then Alfred & Gordon would probably bond. I bet Alfred would give Gordon parenting advice 😂

I'm not sure what their first fight as a couple would be about. Something dumb probably. Like when I got married our first "fight" was over whether or not to close the toilet seat lid. I don't even know why we fought about it but we argued about it hard. I've been told that that's normal after the whole honeymoon phase though 😂

Either that or they would fight about something with Batman. Like I think I mention in the epilogue or something her finding his journals--he would catch her with them and freak out because, hello, emotional vulnerability and he's also so worried about her shying away from his darkness & violence. It would definitely be an argument.

Her & Alfred 100% conspire to keep Bruce fed. And ways to get him to relax more. Like in the movie where Alfred just brings him a juice or whatever--they just keep setting various foods in front of him while he's distracted so he doesn't give any thought to eating

The naps are also how she gets him to rest more! She'll be all fake-pouty and ask to cuddle, say she doesn't want to be alone or something, then pretend to sleep until he falls asleep.

I love this. I love imagining these little domestic scenarios with them. I want to write them all. MOTN is 120,000 words and I could easily write 50,000 more of just pure domestic fluff!

[flowerfan2]

This fic would not let me go to sleep until I wrote it.  A follow up to today’s Ted Lasso episode, 2x11.

More Than A Comment.  Read on A03.

About an hour so after Trent gets back the “no comment” text from Ted his phone rings.

“Off the record?” Ted spits out.

“Yes,” Trent replies, the sick knot in his stomach tightening at the sound of Ted’s voice.

“You can’t tell me this.”

“Tell you what?”  Trent lowers himself to a chair in the kitchen, one elbow leaning on the table, the other clutched around his phone.

“That it was - him - you can’t tell me who your source was.  You aren’t allowed to tell me that.  I might not know much about journalism, but don’t folks go to jail and such for revealing their sources?”

Trent wishes the practice were that formal, at least then he’d know what type of sentence he is facing.  “No, Ted.  Journos go to jail to protect their sources, when they are being pressured to reveal them.”

“Still - how could you tell me this?”  Ted’s voice is strained, and Trent can imagine the look on his face.  It’s bad enough that he had to write an article revealing Ted’s secret, now he’s lost his respect as well for his lack of ethics.

“I had to.”

“But won’t it ruin your reputation if it gets out that you revealed your source after promising that he would remain anonymous?”

Trent sighs.  “I suppose.  Or it will just enhance it, you never can tell.”  He never should have let his editor promise Nate anonymity.  He should have pushed back harder.

“You don’t really mean that - this is gonna get you in trouble.”

It’s not as straightforward as Ted seems to think.  Trent strongly doubts Nate will sue him for breach of contract, not when keeping Nate’s betrayal in the public eye will hurt Nate as much or more than everyone else involved.  And if he does, well, Trent knows some good lawyers.  What it will do is cause any source he’s promised anonymity to in the past to dry up, and make it harder to cultivate new ones.   But no matter what happens, there will still be people like Nate out there, willing to take a chance and betray their friends to Trent in hopes of bettering their own position in life.  

“I just don’t understand why you told me,” Ted goes on, working himself up further.  “And what am I supposed to do with this juicy piece of gossip, huh?  What do I do now?  Confront Nate?  Then he’ll tell the world you told me, and off we go, more misery for everyone.”

“I’m sorry, Ted,” Trent says, because he is, and he isn’t sure what else he can say at this point.  “I admit that when I imagined how angry you would be about my message to you, I hadn’t thought that you’d be quite so focused on the effect it would have on <i>my</i> reputation.”

“Oh.  Fair point.”  There’s a pause, and a sigh, and Trent imagines that Ted has just flopped onto his couch.  It certainly seems like he’s settling down.  “I read the article.”

Trent’s stomach clenches, brought back to reality again. “You did?”

“Mmm.”

“What did you, um, think?”

Ted takes his time answering, leaving Trent hanging precariously.  “It’s very well written.”

“Yes.”  If Trent was going to stab Ted Lasso in the back, at least no one could say he dangled any participles in the process.

“So humble.”  Ted clears his throat.  “But, um, it really wasn’t so bad.  What you said.”

“Having a panic attack isn’t a personal failing, Ted,” Trent says.  

“Feels like it sometimes,” Ted says bitterly.

“I know.”

“But what you wrote about anxiety and depression being more common that people realize among athletes and celebrities and such, that, um, that was good.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“And the part about recognizing the signs, and how to get help.  I was right glad to read that.  People need to hear it.”

“Thank you.”

“Not that I’m gonna say thanks for writing the article or anything,” Ted says quickly.  “Paints me in a pretty bad light.  For not telling, I mean.”  There’s a pause.  “For lying.  I don’t much like the feeling of being judged for that.  Not that I’m saying you’re judging me.  But people who read your article will.”

“They shouldn’t,” Trent responds.  “You shouldn’t be judged for keeping that information private.  You had every right not to advertise your mental health issues.”

Trent hears Ted suck in a breath, and he hopes he hasn’t used the wrong phrase.  Or, rather, he knows it’s not the wrong phrase, but it is a sensitive one.  Understandably so, given the way the world views mental health issues.

“And you had every right to reveal my <i>mental health issues</i> to the world?”  Ted sounds like he’s trying not to cry, and it makes Trent feel like doing the same.

“It’s my job,” Trent says sadly.  “If I didn’t write it, someone else would have.  Probably not with the same treatment.  And besides that, the wellbeing of Richmond’s head coach is arguably matter of public interest.”

“So why the blazes did you tell me it was Nate?”  Ted asks, returning to his initial question, like a dog with a bone.  Usually that’s a trait that Trent admires, but it’s not as much fun when it’s aimed at him.

Trent bites his lip and considers deflecting, but he finds he doesn’t want to.  Not anymore. “Because your wellbeing is of interest to me.  Personally.”

Ted lets out a huff.  “First you say you respect me, then you say you care about me?  While simultaneously revealing my Achilles’ heel?  Who are you, a Trojan prince?”

“It’s bewildering, I know,” Trent says.  He can hardly parse the logic himself, and he’s the one responsible. “And I’m no prince.”

“Some might disagree.”

Trent can’t tell for sure, but he thinks he hears a note of fondness in Ted’s voice.  He will never stop being surprised by this man.  It’s one of the things that’s drawn him to Ted from the beginning.  Conversations with Ted Lasso are never dull.

“What are you doing right now?”  Ted asks.  “Besides talking to me, I mean.”

“Sitting alone in my flat, feeling awful.”  Truest thing he’s said all day.

“Why don’t you come over for a drink?”

Trent feels his heart skip a beat, but doesn’t trust it.  Surely he must have misheard.  “Why should I do that?  Do you have your footballers waiting outside your place, ready to do me in?”

Ted snorts into the phone.  “No.  But I’m sitting alone in my apartment feeling awful too.  And if you came over, well, that would fix at least one of those problems.”

“Not both?” Trent asks, his traitorous heart letting the words fall out.

“Don’t want to count my chickens too soon.  Come on over and let’s find out.”

[luckycharms1701]

Alright, I’m rested, there is caffeine replacing my blood, and I have less than an hour before I need to get ready to leave.

Let’s talk about Splinter.

One of the things I wish we saw more of is interactions between Splinter and his sons. Honestly, I would love to see Splinter more in general. Unfortunately, these are movies and not a series, so I guess I understand why we don't get that.

But! What we do see reveals a lot about what kind of parent he is, and that is not the type of parent who is absent. We can see that from the very beginning of the first movie. His monologue is so tender and soft when he talks about how wonderful he thinks his sons are.

When he is first introduced, he is angry because he was so scared when he realized they were gone. Again, anecdotal, but I've been on the receiving end of that kind of anger before. The fact that he noticed they were gone? Not the hallmark of an absent parent.

A lot is revealed when he tells April about their past as well. He tells her that her own father was who he emulated when becoming a father to the turtles. Everything we see about April's father, from the way she misses him to the way he encouraged her interest in journalism, suggests that he was a great father. Since it seems she spent a lot of time in the lab, Splinter was able to witness that firsthand.

He started to learn ninjutsu so that he could teach them to protect themselves when they inevitably wanted to go topside. Instead of burying his head in the sand and pretending it would never happen, he recognized who his sons are and acted accordingly to protect them as much as he could.

The point is, Splinter loves his sons very much and is very involved in their lives. Leo never had the chance to be parentified.

It's true that we do see Splinter interact most with Leo, but I posit that is because of Leo, not Splinter. As a daddy's boy, he goes to his dad for Everything. This boy is in his father's space to the point that Splinter probably gets annoyed with him sometimes, like damn boy we get it you love your father. That's not favoritism, that's Leo being needy and angsty.

I think the scenes most indicative of the kind of father Splinter is and how much he loves his sons are the ones that revolve around the raid of the lair.

Like, can we talk about how Leo, Donnie, and Mikey react when Splinter starts losing the fight against Shredder and drops the gates so they can't get to him? They all immediately go feral, beating against the gate (with his bare fists in Donnie's case! God he loves his dad!) with no thought in their heads but to get to him before they realize they need to start working together. It takes Leo all of two seconds to drop his weapons when Splinter is threatened, and the other two are right behind him. Ugh, I could go on but you get the point.

And then there's the scene where Raph finds Splinter and April after the invasion. Oh, the panic in his eyes when he sees Splinter, it makes my heart hurt for him. His broken little "I'm here" when Splinter calls his name. Sam and I always lament that he didn't call Splinter 'dad' in that scene, because it should have happened dammit!!!

If any of his sons have reason to resent Splinter, I'm sure it would be Raph. He would have likely been the most difficult of the brothers to handle as children, and that's saying a lot with these four boys. But the way he cares for Splinter suggests that Splinter did an amazing job with him, with all of them. "Let's do it for sensei." It's such a powerful advocation for Splinter's good parenting.

Then there's the way he reacts when they come back from the police station. His worry, the way he comforts Mikey, the way he tells Leo that he needs to get his head out of his ass and remember that these are his brothers as well as his team.

I could keep going and going and Going, but I think I've made my point and I'm also flirting with being late. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

got a response to my last post and fuck if i didn't pull my computer out at one in the morning so i could do this particular topic justice

my "time to talk about family dynamics in tmnt" button was pushed real hard, and i don't get enough opportunities to talk about this

So let's talk about Leo's position in the family in the Bayverse movies. That's right folks, we're pulling out capital letters for the leader in blue, because this is a topic I am super serious about. Full college paper levels of serious. Gonna need to know how you want your sources cited.

This is a fascinating take tbh, and I would love to hear more about how you came to this conclusion. Allow me to show you why my position is different.

First:

I think this image says a lot. Leo's a daddy's boy long before anything like parentification could possibly come into play. Also it's really cute, look at him loving his dad!!

Second, let's talk parentification. Boiled down to its basics, parentification is when a child, usually the eldest, acts like a secondary or replacement parent. This is the part that really gets me, because I just don't see any evidence of it in the movies at all.

We do get to see some scenes from when they are kids, and no where is it suggested that Leo is anything other than another one of the boys.

Sure, Mikey hides behind him when play-fighting with Raph after the buck-buck scene, but that's just younger sibling behavior. No where is it implied that this happens because anyone expects it of Leo. That, I think, might be the closest to "parentification" that occurs in the movies.

The thing is, I don't think Leo has been the leader very long at the beginning of the 2014 movie. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if it's a move Splinter made just before or even as the movie starts. Leo's and Raph's argument really solidifies that for me:

Raph: And who put you in charge?

Leo: You know who did.

This smacks, on Leo's part, of someone borrowing another's authority to shore up their own. That tells me that Leo at least does not feel that he has this authority on his own merit, that he's new to leadership. Raph senses this like a shark in bloody water, and he pushes because there's vulnerability there. (more on this later *rubs hands together in glee*)

I think that there is evidence in the 2016 movie that Leo is relatively new to a position of authority as well. His struggle to maintain the delicate balance of his brother's personalities and the fact that he allows his own personality to get in the way of being a good leader are prime examples.

These are pitfalls that a parentified person would already have experienced and would be able to avoid, and so they wouldn't have happened if Leo was parentified.

Third, let's talk about Leo and Raph.

So, my position here is that Leo and Raph DO have a normal sibling relationship, at least as normal as it can get when you are turtle mutants living in the sewers with only each other for company.

Anecdotal, I know, but I have a bit of experience with a similar dynamic to the one you assigned to them. I am the oldest of three, and my sister (middle) and I did NOT get along as kids. It got to the point where I thought as teens that once I left the house we would never talk to each other ever again.

Perceived favoritism was definitely an issue in my and my sister's relationship. Is it an issue with Leo and Raph? I honestly don't think we get enough time with Splinter in the movies to determine that concretely. It's definitely possible, but I believe something different is, either concurrently with or instead of favoritism, at play here.

I know it's easy to forget because they look Like That, but the turtles are teenagers. They are immature and don't always know how to express themselves. And Raph in particular struggles because he feels so strongly. It can be hard to control it when your emotions are strong like that, don't ask me how I know.

However, he gives himself away at the end of the 2014 movie. "Every time... I pushed you beyond your limits, it was because I believe in you! I believe in each one of you!"

Remember when I said that Raph sensed Leo's vulnerability and pushed on it? We've come back baby! I am firmly in the camp of 'both Raph and Leo are good leaders in their own way', and I think this is part of what makes Raph a good leader.

Sometimes Raph is actually annoyed at Leo for whatever reason, being told what to do the most common I think. But!! Remember, Raph also believes in his brothers, Leo included. So he puts Leo on the spot in a mostly controlled environment to help him learn how to be a leader. There's a lot more I could say here, but that's a Raph post, and this is about Leo.

So is it favoritism, Raph's need for independence, or Raph pushing Leo that causes tension in their relationship? I think it's a bit of all of that and more.

There is a fourth section to this post, about Splinter, but it is now almost four in the morning, I have to get up in like two hours, and I already fell asleep once while writing this. But know that in this iteration at least, Splinter is a decent single father of four boys, he did not parentify Leo, and any favoritism is unintentional.

Anyway, in my house we spend a lot of time talking about how much Leo loves his dad.

[andrea-lyn]

The Recs (Less Travelled)

I’m excited to bring you the first installment of my ‘roads less travelled’ recs! I will be doing another round of this, probably once the Ted Lasso fic tag hits about 25 pages, and then I’ll also grab a couple more fandoms to collect in there! 

The Rules:

Each fandom/pairing was sorted on Archive of Our Own by completed works. Anything recced here was not in the first ten pages when sorted by kudos at the time of reccing. There may be some more well-known authors on this list, but the specific fics I’ve picked are ones that didn’t crack that top ten or just didn’t get much traction and I think deserve it, so hopefully I have also balanced it out with other under the radar (and still great!) works. As ever, I have a pinned post of my other recs (none have been duplicated from there), so you can also check those out! Under the cut you’ll find 10 recs in each fandom for:

Raven Cycle

Roswell New Mexico

The Old Guard

Inception

Star Trek (mainly Kirk/McCoy)

The Raven Cycle

savor all the little pieces by littlelionvanz

“Since when do you garden?”

Ronan snorted, “Since I grew up on a fucking farm, genius. Jesus who gave you permission to pursue higher education.”

the old grip of the familiar by littleseal

"There is a single black feather and a printed out picture of Gansey, Blue and Cheng standing in front of some fucking monument Ronan didn’t care enough to remember the name of. Gansey sent it to Ronan’s phone some time ago, but it sat in his messages until Adam picked it up and grinned at it so hard that, one afternoon later, Ronan cursed and kicked and glared his old printer back to life in order to print it out.

Fuck, he thinks, I’m in love with a hoarder."

Adam collects things. Ronan is in love with him.

No Sweeter Innocence Than Our Gentle Sin by gansey_is_our_king

Ronan Lynch has wanted to kiss Adam Parrish for a long time.

(alternately titled: four times that Ronan could have kissed Adam)

Cheers to Another Seven Years! by skyermirth

Adam left Henrietta for Harvard and never returned. Now, seven years has passed, and an unexpected work assignment has brought him back to a place and people he hardly recognizes.

Row, row, row your boat by emmerrr

“What. Why are you smiling at me,” he says suspiciously.

Adam shrugs. “You’re cute.”

“I’m not cute, I’m terrifying.”

“Terrifyingly cute,” Adam says.

and now the world is ours to take / and every single move is ours to make by thatlittleblackcat

"Adam was the scientist, Ronan was the data, and Orphan Girl was the key that explained the strange outliers that Ronan presented, his previously unexplainable actions."

//

Adam sorts out his feelings, Ronan helps him, Gansey is the number one dad friend, Blue is the number one mom friend and Henry tries to make Ronan smile. Otherwise known as the story of how Orphan Girl became Opal.

All These Things You Make Me Feel by SilverOpals394

It was late. Adam could feel the long day catching up to him as he left Boyd’s, all his energy exhausted. When he started his car, the tape deck whirred to life once more. He sighed and raised his hand to turn it off, but before he did a soft melody began to play.

AU in which the mixtape Ronan made for Adam only plays the murder squash song until Adam realizes he's in love with Ronan, too.

Ways to Communicate by Jalules

Blue Sargent reflects on an early memory (and gets busy with her boyfriends.)

(The two things are related, trust me.)

Hold Me Closer, I'm Safe in Your Arms by actuallyronanlynch

“You wanna tell me why I had to hear from Henry Cheng that my boyfriend was at the hospital?” Adam hissed, though his voice wasn’t as acidic as it could’ve been. Ronan took small victories where he could.

“You don’t have a cellphone,” Ronan pointed out flatly. “It’s not like I could’ve gotten a hold of you.”

arts and crafts and the inevitability of death by sunshineinthestorm

Adam comes to the public library in search of a study spot, not a boyfriend. 

But it must be his lucky day—because he ends up with a bit of both.

 Roswell New Mexico

a conversation between insignificant others by Bellakitse

“Hey…have you noticed that our boyfriends are madly in love with each other?"

“You noticed that too, huh,” she answers dryly, letting out a huff of reluctant amusement.

***

Forrest and Maria share a drink and a conversation and start a friendship.

Own Personal Hell by BeStillMySlashyHeart

Now that Isobel's getting the hang of her telekinesis, Michael decides to test out his telepathic abilities. It backfires. Badly. Now Michael's trapped inside his own mind and only one person can break him out.

Drop the Hammer by brightloveee

Max makes a new friend at the shooting range, who turns out to be even more bad-ass than he expected.

(Takes place mid-S1)

Boys Like You by forgadgetsandgizmos

Curly, dirty blond hair (the mere description ‘curly’ felt like an injustice) twisted in every direction off his head, a sharp contrast with the scruff darkening his strong jawline and scowl-ridden face.

Alex made a mental note to compliment Maria on her excellent taste in men.

—

Or, Alex has coffee with Maria's one-night stand, a man who he definitely does not have a crush on.

let's exchange the experience by lostin_space

Michael decides they need to quarantine.

OR

Michael floods Alex with love and care over and over and over.

This Is Hardcore by Anonymous

Michael makes a proposal. Alex accepts. Michael wonders what the hell he’s gotten himself into.

i don't know what to think (but i think of supernovas) by Milzilla

michael discovers that the console can talk. then, he discovers it can do far more than that.

iridescence on skin by Lire_Casander

In a world where (almost) everyone has a tattoo on their right wrist with one set of coordinates that point to the place where their soulmate is born, Alex thought he wouldn't be any different. He couldn't be more mistaken.

He has two.

The Real Thing by elliebird

Max checks on Michael the morning after Michael saves Max’s ass from Wyatt Long and his dumbass buddies. He sees more than he’s supposed to.

Written for a Tumblr anon who one of their friends walking in on them or anyone of them finding out about Michael and Alex in an interesting way 

Sundering by romancandles 

“You know it was just an Air Force balloon, right?” says Alex.

Michael smirks. “That’s what they want you to think,” he says, with a wink.

The Old Guard

Peer Reviewed by ishandahalf

[From:] Journal of Medieval Studies (jms.eds@jms.com)

[Subject:] Ad-hoc note from the editor

I have noticed an uncommon level of animosity in your responses to your reviewers (or rather, one reviewer in particular). I am writing to ask if you would please do your best to keep your interactions civil. In fairness, I have also sent a similar request to the reviewer you seem to have this friction with. I trust you will both try and remain more professional in the future.

Again, thank you for submitting your work to this journal.

Sincerely,

James Copley, PhD

Editor-in-Chief

Journal of Medieval Studies

An (accidental) academic epistolary romance as (inadvertently) documented via a (theoretically) rigorously blinded peer review process.[citation needed]

third for a word and the song keeps going Macremae

It was honestly shaping up to be a pretty uneventful year before the Vatican got on Nicky’s bad side.

Or: three times in 2008 that the team genuinely thought about killing Nicky if only to get him to shut up about the changes to the Catholic English Mass and his unrelenting opinions on them, and one time Nile did.

Apex Predators In Island Ecosystems (Freeman et al., in press) by Sixthlight

Palaeobotany PhD student Nile Freeman and her supervisor Joe al-Kaysani are invited to billionaire Stephen Merrick’s new project – a theme park full of cloned dinosaurs. What could possibly go wrong?

This Rough Magic by Marivan

When Joe came to Scotland to study the sea, he did not expect to also encounter a beautiful man claiming that A. he’s a selkie and B. they’re married because Joe picked up his scarf.

It sounds like a fairy tale and that’s a problem. Because Joe’s a scientist. And selkies don’t exist.

Wars for the broken by Yuliares

Five years into his exile, Booker is joined by a companion he never expected to meet. Together, they try to work on healing.

Sometimes they go down to the sewers just so she can scream and scream. “I like to hear it echo,” she explains. “Underwater, you can’t hear anything. Here, at least I can be heard.”

“I don’t feel like a warrior anymore,” she tells him, throwing bread crumbs at pigeons. “I feel broken.”

“You’re still a warrior,” he says roughly. “This is still fighting.”

a good (eighth) impression by deanniker

Over the next few months, Joe runs into Nicky every so often at the farmer’s market. Some weekends Nicky doesn’t make it, because of his work schedule - Joe doesn’t understand it because he doesn’t ask, though he does start to recognize when one of those missing weekends is coming up because Nicky will stock up on things with longer shelf-life. When they do run into each other, they make small talk and move through the stalls together.

Joe doesn’t mention it to Lykon when he stops by, because it is kind of weird, that Lykon’s ex-boyfriend texts Joe things like - If you’re here, the apples look particularly good this week and thank you for that recipe, I did not know what I was going to do with that much couscous

Or,

Joe wouldn't usually consider starting anything with his best friend's ex, but as long as they keep it casual, it shouldn't be weird... right?

get back to where you once belonged by tenderjock

Nile takes a sip of her cappuccino and closes her eyes.

(Booker and Nile get that coffee. Life happens, along the way.)

a house; a home by mehm

“Is this a kidnapping?” Joe asks as Nicky checks both their seat belts. “Like, I don’t mind. It’s just not quite what I expected for my birthday.”

In which Joe gets a birthday surprise, because that’s the stuff you have time for when you and the love of your life become mortal at the same time.

the ties that bind by damaskrose

“There’s a story I heard many times,” Andy begins, “in the Mediterranean. Threads of fate and three sisters. One to spin, one to measure, and one to cut.”

Clutter And Croutons by flawedamythyst

Joe and Nicky have an argument, and then Nicky talks to Nile about what it really means to be in a relationship for 900 years.

Inception

My Big Fat Slightly Annoying Wedding by jibrailis

Arthur and Eames elope for ~tax reasons. Certain people in their lives are not happy at the lack of a wedding.

Remember Sydney by pathera

When Eames shambles into the safe house outside of London, he finds a red light blinking on the phone.

For the inception_kink prompt:

Arthur is on a plane which is about to crash. No way anyone is going to survive. Instead of panicking he calmly calls the team's office and gets the answering machine. He hangs up before the plane crashes.

Give me Arthur's last message to the team.

 (TW: Character Death / Angst)

Of Such Deceitfulness and Suavity by delires

In which emotions manifest themselves in unusual ways.

YO, K2tog (it's like a code) by lazulisong

“Oh my God,” moans Arthur. “I’ve paid less for Somnacin. Good Somnacin.” A horrible thought strikes him. “How much is the yarn --”

“I want you to have an unguarded reaction,” Eames tells him, and pulls him up from the floor.

(They run an extraction on a knitter.)

hit the ground running by orphan_account

"I travelled halfway around the world for you. I dealt with the French for you."

Valley by wldnst

It's an old story: a knight, a prince, a kingdom in peril.

If This Is Rain Let It Fall On Me and Drown Me by Brangwen

We used to be so brave, Eames thought. Of the two of them, Arthur had always been the more fearless.

a gentle familiarity by jollypuppet

Two weeks later, Eames is on his doorstep with bad Italian takeout and a grin, and Arthur tells him he can sleep on the couch.

Your Crisis Cannot Be Completed As Dialed by sevenimpossiblethings

Arthur doesn't do snow, Ariadne is determined to be as Midwestern as possible, and blizzards make cell phone service unreliable.

Let’s Say I Do (I Do) by xsilverdreamsx

There were, perhaps some things worse that this, Arthur thinks, as he glares at the letter in his hand with his name printed clearly in bold ink, indicating his presence in two weeks for his esteemed marriage to one William H. Eames, III, at St. Catherine's Church in London, England.

Star Trek (predominantly Kirk/McCoy)

Show the World That Something Good Can Work by knune

Leonard McCoy is a doctor, not a personal assistant, and maybe that's why he can't stand working for Jim Kirk.

It's in the little things by winterover

Bones is bemused by a persistent secret admirer.

"Wedding" Away with It by pendrogon

One morning, Bones wakes up and he's single. By the same afternoon, he's married to Jim Kirk for Arbitrary Fic Reasons(TM).

How Long Will You Stay (For Your Whole Life) by withthepilot

Jim Kirk, deputy director of the Enterprise parks and recreation department, sees all of his hard work fall to pieces when budget specialist Leonard McCoy arrives from the state capital to cut Jim's budget and threaten the livelihoods of his colleagues. But thanks to a major parks project, Leonard finds a place in the department, as well as in Jim's life—and when all is said and done, Jim doesn't want him to leave.

All-Time Favorite by mardia

What to do when your best friend suddenly starts making new friends. 

Joy Ride by Cards_Slash

While running for their lives from an alien species Kirk had accidentally enraged, they come across a car. And well, if you were to come across a car while being chased by aliens that wanted you dead, and you possessed some lingering knowledge of how to drive a car similar to said car, you would have decided to drive it toward the nearest cliff too.

Also a gunfight.

Syncytia by epistolic

He’d signed up for Starfleet on an impulse, but Starfleet meant James Tiberius Kirk: the first – and second, and third, and fourth – big mistake of Leonard McCoy’s life.

Renovation by canistakahari

Jim has a whammy put on him by an alien death ray and he suddenly craves domesticity. He's crazy with longing to shop at space!Ikea and get potted bamboo and he starts looking into adopting AND HE HATES HIMSELF AND CANNOT CONTROL THE SHIT. Luckily, McCoy is drunk all the time and plays house.

17:08 by butterflycell

She'd watched the news holos with a sick feeling, searching for information that was completely obvious in its absence. Amidst the reports of the the Enterprise's miraculous recovery and the damages sustained, there had been next to nothing about the crew or her captain. Jim had been mentioned only in passing, his name shied away from as his first officer limited interaction to the bare essentials.

The Honey of Hybla by shrift

"Bones, prepare to be my date."