#thanks for coming to my ted talk hope literally any of this made sense

[nanatsuyu]

what makes you like kandrew so much?? what drawns you to them??

(not trying to sound rude or condescending or anything im just curious lol)

I really adore characters that bite and snarl at each other for the purpose of enrichment in their respective enclosures.

On a more serious note lol—other than the fact that I have A Type when it comes to pairings (davekat, edxizzy, amberprice, etc), I enjoy characters that have somewhat of an unhealthy codependency on one another. Which is the extremely general way of putting it. I like characters that are kind of doomed to the narrative to never really be sated by what the world has to offer, but their person makes up for that (not that they always recognize it as such or that it's entirely positive or sometimes even completely mutual). And I don't mean doomed in a "never amount to anything" way, but in that bittersweet tone where both of these characters, wherever they fall into each other on the timeline, are at a place where their lows sync up, and that harmonizing rattles something to the perceived tune of "we're the best we're ever going to get". Again, that's all really general for the vibes of why I was drawn to them. There's a bit more nuance for them (and the other pairings ofc).

I like that they have a deal that encompasses both of them trying to push the other into being a better version of themselves but they're both too stubborn/scared to move first because realised potential means you have to recognise it too. Kevin can't expect Andrew to try his best when he himself is not, and Andrew can't expect Kevin to show him his worth* if he doesn't bother to try in the first place. (Though I know their deal was labelled more as moriyama protection for Kevin, I think that kind of encompassed the idea that Andrew would be a crutch till Kevin could stand on his own if that makes sense)

Not to quote the ec but it's one of like 3 parts I would willingly print and eat:

Andrew is the kind of character I adore because he says this and he really genuinely means it. Keeping what little he has left of himself is a last ditch self preservation tactic because he can't get hurt if he has no hopes/expectations/aspirations. No one can let him down if he doesn't let them. But he's so wonderfully flawed in his own ruleset because he keeps doing just that in the hopes that maybe someone will be different this time . Like maybe this time someone will be right when they say he's worth it** like maybe Kevin is right and he can make Andrew see what he's been refusing himself.

I also love that their deal extends far past the deal itself. In the most basic of terms, it was: 'you go, I'll go.' Andrew didn't have to trust Kevin beyond that. But he gave Kevin his meds and trusted him not to abuse that. Kevin had even already promised to help him figure out a way to wean off them before if they could earlier (and I genuinely think his fear of Andrew getting off his meds early was both a kneejerk 'the game/my safety' reaction because Kevin has a lot riding on this semester too, but also because he knows he made his own promise to Andrew and he thought Andrew coming off his meds early might have been an obstacle even Kevin's stubbornness couldn't hurdle when it came to helping Andrew on his feet after). Likewise I have to imagine that very few people put their trust in Kevin with much of anything outside of Exy given his temperament and wallflower disinterest in team building extra curriculars. So for Andrew to willingly give Kevin his meds to hold onto that he's gotten violent over before probably created a very morbid sense of.. pride, I guess? Like I trust you to hold onto the thing that ruins me is so... clenches fist

There's also this rough handed care that comes with all of that. They're unforgivably honest with each other at the best of times and unnecessarily biting at wounds just to get a genuine reaction at the worst. But then they also have these quiet side/off screen moments that are unyielding in tenderness? Andrew inspecting Kevin's hand for injuries. Kevin covering for Andrew when he's sick on court. Andrew telling Kevin to trust him during a panic attack and that he'll take care of it. Kevin turning his entire attention away from the Raven's to pull Andrew up to his feet. Them smiling at each other first genuinely?? Being idiots on the court with playful mocking shoves that don't get heated?? Like you give me these two characters who make it seem as if their hearts will genuinely stop beating if they stop nipping at each other, and then show me that they're actually wrapped up in one another so tightly that they're rarely seen apart? And are burdened (affectionate) with the task of keeping the other from doing the very thing that drowns themselves?? Okay

Also a looooot of this is from my perspective on Andrew's perspective on Kevin since we're given a lot more to work with, but I genuinely think Andrew was the first to push back at Kevin and make him prove things to Andrew and himself. Kevin had maybe a couple people at most before he fled to the foxes. Like he had nothing other than his name and reputation, good and bad, when he showed up at wymack's door. I can't help but imagine some part of Andrew saw this as amusing but also rather tiresome when it came to seeing Kevin constantly shut away in hiding. He was so loud before, where is all that roar now? When Kevin left Jean, he really left his only friend behind (sorry Thea fans I know she's there I know). So here you have Andrew, offering a deal that becomes this codependency because being out of the nest alone most certainly took its toll for a while, and it sounds too good to be true but most things are. So Kevin snatches it up and then there's the trust in the meds and the constant presence (in the sense of comforting consistency in spite of any disagreements (but abandonment issues kandrew is a whole other post now innit)) and the care and it all looks a lot like what someone might call a friend. And I mean they could both say they're not friends till their dying day but they're the only ones they're still trying to fool.

I just like that they gnaw on the scraps that they snag off one another, these leftover cuts from failed attempts at love and kindness, and act as if they didn't hand the pieces to each other themselves in the bed they share.

—

*Andrew is worth more than his ability to play Exy obviously, but I'm working from the angle that these boys have a very limited vocabulary in how to express that given their upbringings lol ie: my absolute Favourite part of the ec:

Like again I have my hangups with some of the ec but this provides soooo much more context to their beef pre-canon and the history behind Andrew's failed recruitment. Not to mention Aaron internally calls out Andrew for blatantly lying to Kevin when he tells him he doesn't care. (I think Andrew probably holds a certain disdain for Kevin struggling to verbalize how he measures worth and how that might differentiate off the court, because that line between wanting to be told you're worth putting in the effort for versus being told it's because of your latent potential is most likely rather precarious. Shipping goggles on: I imagine wanting to get someone's attention whose love language was built up around Exy is a tad difficult even if Andrew does in fact hear what Kevin's trying to say. I also don't think Kevin's malicious in his inability to truly express that Andrew really could have everything and it's infuriating to watch Andrew self destruct.)

**And for me, this, coupled with the above conversation with Renee, really puts into perspective how agitated Andrew is with Kevin for squandering his potential. He thinks Kevin has zero self preservation skills when it comes to maybe not putting all his balls in the exy basket, but that's also why he's so drawn to him because he has this insatiable drive to live for this one thing? And yet he's not even giving it his all like he's asking of Andrew despite that? It'd be easy to dismiss Kevin's overzealous love of the game as gross infatuation that's bled into Andrew's life, but if he smothers Kevin's drive and doesn't encourage him to be exactly as he sees Kevin, this person who really can achieve these things, what is there for him? He wants Kevin to thrive, but Andrew also wants Kevin to be right and that he can thrive too.

[real-total-drama-takes]

First time doing this so I hope I'm going about it right

Ok ok my topic I'm going to talk about is going to be continuing on why I think it makes sense for all of these contestants to rationally do the things they did on this show.

OK,,, so first up, again, they were all ***16***

These are ***kids*** who were exploited for drama and ratings on a (in universe) reality TV show for a prize pool of (originally 100k) a million dollars.

Even before it went up this is a life changing amount of money.

Better yet- we don't know the full picture of like any of these kids backgrounds.

We don't know how they grew up, or what kinda shit they grew up with. Things could've been stressful for them, they could just be on the show for fun, whatever.

But another good point I'm about to bring up is that they were LIED TO about alot of what went on in the show!!!

These kids are all smack dab in the middle of teenage hormones and bullshit and probably the most stressful period of their childhoods

Like as a 16 year old myself I can attest to that, this shit is ROUGH.

And at the same time these kids are at risk of dying in literally next to every single episode they filmed for this show.

And that's not even starting on the toxic waste and shit in ROTI.

You have to keep ALL OF THAT in mind when it comes to how they're acting while on this show.

This shit is stressful. Like total drama is the kind of thing that would probably linger with these teens for the rest of their lives. Not even just because of the danger- because this show is well known and these kids will NEVER just be normal teens again.

Weighing on that last bit a little more- these kids, like first arriving to total drama is their basically last shot of being just normal fucking kids again. And even then they're not going to initially acknowledge that right away because they are going to be focused on the game and trying to win.

So here they are- 22 teenagers all in forced proximity of each other- initially with a bunch of strangers, and even as they get to know each other they do NOT all like each other- all competing for a literally life changing amount of money. That only one of them can win.

It makes PERFECT FUCKING SENSE for some competitors to be as ruthless as Heather and Alejandro were!!! They were trying to win!! The best way they knew how!!

Kindness can win this show, something we learned with Owen, but so can playing the game like Heather and Alejandro did, perfect example being them in the final two of World Tour.

Not even to mention,,, these kids are stuck in this contract legally in this show-

I mean, normally, contracts signed by minors are not legally binding but that doesn't work the same way in total drama if these kids are continually forced into coming back for more seasons with the threat of legal action being taken on them.

On them AND THEIR FAMILIES.

Literally add this all together and it just reiterates back to what I said above- this is their LAST chance to be normal teenagers- both because they could die and because when this show gets popular internationally they are GOING to get a decently sized fanbase, if not even bigger.

So like tie that, and the thing I said about hormones in with stuff like the Duncan Gwen and Courtney love triangle? IT MAKES SENSE!!!

With all these added factors plus the fact they are kids PLUS the fact they are going to make mistakes- BAD DECISIONS ARE MADE!!! BUT ITS COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE IF YOU THINK RATIONALLY ABOUT WHY THEY HAD TO ACT OUT LIKE THEY DID.

Whether it be morally dubiously (if not even,,,) going about winning the competition, cheating on your girlfriend, literally doing ANYTHING these kids did- IT MAKES COMPLETE SENSE TO SEE WHY THEY ACTED LIKE THEY DID RATIONALLY.

And that is my td take. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[thelonechaosgoose]

I have recently learned that I like pretty much every book I have to read in English class so have this short long rambling essay on The Great Gatsby.

The whole story makes me sad. It is full of missed opportunities and greed and rich people who have no concern for other people. It's about hope and dreams and a false sense of happiness. Gatsby throws these elaborate parties for one person who doesn't even know he's there. He invites important people to try and get the attention of one girl. When that girl finally sees him, everything begins to fall apart. There is a short period of happiness and hope and light. But that ends almost as quickly as it began. Daisy and Tom's marriage was never real. It was never full of equally returned love. Tom was always with someone else. Even if Daisy said she loved Tom, it wasn't always sincere. Things could've been so good. But the morals of all of these people messed things up. Nick being caught up in all of this made things even sadder. He just wanted to get away from the boring life he had and sell bonds. He didn't deserve any of this. He was stuck inbetween people's secrets and messy lives. It's no wonder he wanted to leave New York and all of them behind. They're all terrible. I mean Gatsby wasn't awful but his obliviousness to the situation and his endless hope and belief that Daisy would go with him after the fight made him a frustrating character. Especially to Nick. The way Gatsby made his money wasn't entirely lawful but I know for a fact he wasnt as bad as Tom. Nick tried to help Gatsby but in the end he gave up. Another point is that if Daisy had waited just a little longer, she could've had a happier life. Even if Gatsby made his money in an unlawful way, they probably would've been happier than she was with Tom. Her happiness was a mask to how she really felt. We only really get glimpses of this but when she talks to Nick about the birth of Pammy, Daisy's daughter, she wants her to be a fool. She wants her to be a fool so that she won't have to deal with the terrible-ness of the outside world. Daisy also was involved in 2 (two) murders! The obvious one being Myrtle. The irony of this is that she kills the woman her husband is having an affair while she's having an affair. The other possibly less obvious one is of course Gatsby. Since she hit Myrtle, she caused Wilson to go to Tom who told him it was Gatsby which then gives Wilson the ammo to shoot Gatsby in his pool. Tom could've told Wilson that it was Gatsby for two reasons. One, he actually thought it was Gatsby. Or, two, he said it was Gatsby to protect Daisy. I think it was the second one. After the fight, Tom knows that Gatsby has lost and he has won. He wants everything to go back to how things were. When he had control over his life. He probably figured out it was Daisy and threw Gatsby under that bus so that they could leave and start over again. Moving on from that mess, I want to talk about Jordan and how awful she is. She was not phased about anything that happened. After the fight and the accident she asked Nick if he wanted to come inside for dinner and hang out after they had literally just seen a dead body. It definitely helps to show that the only people effected by any of this are Nick, Gatsby, and Wilson. Two of which are dead. Gatsby spent the past five years of his life trying to get Daisy back for it only to end in his premature death. Also the fact that Nick was all Gatsby had makes this even more tragic. Even After all the parties and all the business associates, he is still alone and nobody cared about him. He dedicated his life to Daisy and all he got in return was a tiny sliver of happiness.

thank you for coming to my super long Ted talk <3

[heydranga]

Okay just finished watching 8bitryan play Fnaf ruins. Multiple things I like:

Cassie, she's not instantly a dick like Gregory, she sees the mascots destroyed and becomes more worried then scared. She also didn't trust the mask and spring trap the minute she saw them so bonus for a smart girl.

The dilapidated building, makes sense due to all the endings and the problems Gregory caused from being a little shit.

Freddy isn't the same Freddy he's a prototype and Roxy is proven to not have any I'll intentions for others just Gregory which makes sense since he took her eyes.

Eclipse no more no less. Moon isn't really evil and sun can be annoying and Elcipse shows us the best of them both.

Things that i COULDN'T stop thinking about:

Gregory is a little shit!!!

Literally is the reason the place closed down, still didn't solve any problems just made them worst.

This little bastard was willing to leave his bestest friend who LITERALLY WAS READY TO GO TO EXTREME LENGHTS TO FIND HIM. He abandoned her for Glamrock Freddy (Michael theory imo) like he was all she had and was the entire reason she was tricked into going there.

Not only that but why was Gregory even in the pizza plex past dark? I hate seeing people act like Gregory is innocent, nah muthafucker was near William afton levels of pissing me off and psychotic. (Love to hear more ppls opinion on Gregory)

Second thing I couldn't stop thinking about:

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ANIMATRONIC CHASING CASSIE AT THE END!?! WAS THAT SPRINGTRAP did the shell officially go away? I NEED ANSWERS!!

Anyway thank you for coming to my Ted talk hope you have a nice day. 😉😁

[khaleesiofalicante]

I’m going to have a fucking aneurysm from reading the last five chapters of LBAF. The actual fuck is happening shaksjsjgf how does your brain work woman.

There will be no comprehensible thoughts. Only yelling. So beware:

I AM A POWER BABES SUPPORTER FIRST AND HUMAN BEING SECOND.

SHE TOOK DAVID’S MEMORIES??????????? THIS FUCKING SHAHSJSK

DAVID IS BLIND?????!!!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYHYYYYYHHYYYYYYYGGY

DAVID IS THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS!???????? That’s actually very sexy. I’m fine with this one.

Can Malec stop being cute for five fuxking seconds?? Like the world is in shambles bitchess jfc

Rafael my baby. I am love him. I just want him to get married and be happy and soft.

NICHOLAS THORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MARCUS IS DEAD- thank fuck. Good fuxking riddance bro.

Camila babygirl—a stupid seashell isn’t gonna be the end of u. You have graduated from uni. Shadow world is nothing infront of that lol.

If you could stop putting Mavid through hell for 5 seconds, that would be great.

“Jace has also been his other half.” My favorite parabrossssss

Rafael and Magnus are still the softest bitches.

DEVLINS ARE SO FUCKING WHITE AND BORING PLSSSSSS 0/10.

MALLORY INVADING MAX’S PRIVACY AND READING HIS DIARY TO DAVID BEFORE TAKING HIS MEMORY AWAY IS MY THIRTEENTH REASON BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Mallory is Max’s equal. As if that psycho needed more of an ego boost lol.

Also, remember that time when Alec punched Asmodeus? This is my formal request to see Alec punching Mallory or any of the Devlins in this part. It would be highly appreciated if I live to see that glorious day.

Me @ Marcus’s death

Also I read the murder mystery au and it’s some top tier shit. I am love murder mystery aus. Magnus is acting very sus in it and I want to know what this mf is hiding from Alec. Also, why is Albert not dead in that fic. Rude.

Also bruh I don’t know how you’re updating three fics in a week. I update one lrhwy chapter and then fuck off for two months lmao.

Also quick life update: I had a stupid ass breakup with a stupid ass man and now he is literally moving out of the country to get help lmao (imagine being so fucked that you can’t find a therapist in a country with population 130 crores and you need to get outside help lmao) I’m adding ‘made a man leave the country’ to my CV.

Okay thank you for coming to my ted talk byeee. I will be back soon. Take care Dani. Byeeeee. ILY.🌻

A list because i need to compartmentalize:

men are so fragile istg. good riddance and good for you (but hope you are okay x).

writing is literally my coping mechanism rn because i am doing so much work (i know this makes no sense BUT-)

Murder mystery au is top tier. I agree.

Also.

Actual footage of yalls reactions after TLND chapters:

Actual footage of yalls reactions after LBAF chapters:

[jamneuromain]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG this is fucking amazing😩❤️

First of all, a big smooch for this birthday celebration😢❤️ it's not like any other gifts I've ever received and it's absolutely wonderful😍❤️

And also I can't believe you've add references about Wishful Thinking Andy/Reader?😩😭 it's like living in a dream😘😘😘😘😘

That’s how you could describe your shop. Peaceful.(this? Here? 😩 this is my dreamlife, literally, owning a book&coffee shop and being a writer😋😋

You also always gave them a free muffin if they spilled their coffee on some (probably important) documents(cute and considerate! I'm liking this already :3

Ari was the head of the mob and yet he got cold feet when it came to talking to a pretty girl./“Another cappuccino?”,(big scary man scared talking to a girl pls🤣❤️🤤

Sighing you looked out of the window imagining the beautiful man talking to you about something different than just his usual order(ohhhhhhh he issssssss. 😡 bad Ari, why did he throw the phone number away? ((He didn't notice 😢😢 bad Ari

but it wasn’t the plot that surprised him.It was your picture. You were the author.(Sksjsjsjsjsjskksksks surprise!

Usually it wouldn’t matter who read your book but him-not him. He wasn’t supposed to know about the things you liked, about your desires and-about your sexual preferences! Jesus. (Jesus indeed👀😩 I'll be digging a hole 12 feet deep underground to bury myself in it

His Perfume smelled overpowering, but in a surprisingly good way. It made you crave this man even more than before.(😩god. A good perfume would kill me in an instant😩😩😩 with the right perfume? I'd melt straight into a puddle.

Being called a good girl? Fuck, he really tried not to think about these things at night. (He failed sometimes.(😩yes pls do that to me pls

“Thank you, sweetheart.”Fuck. It just slipped(so damn cute!!!!!

Seeing you in a elegant long dress, your beautiful neck exposed…maybe covered in some little hickeys, marks ... ..or maybe a simple and decent day collar. Just a neck with a little ring…(?!?!?!?! Yes?!?!?!?!

You really hoped he wasn’t hiding a wife or kid. Or both?(sksjjskskskksksksjsk That'd be a total catastrophe

On the other hand…So did Ted Bundy(ojhhhhhhh👀 I'm sensing... drama here...

Thank you for this amazing chapter of Ari and Reader😌❤️❤️❤️ and your wishes😘❤️❤️❤️ it's def coming true since I've met you on Tumblr😭❤️❤️❤️

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO @jamneuromain here’s a little gift for you. I hope you’ll enjoy the first one shot of the little kinda series. It was supposed to be a one shot but I didn’t finish it on time so…now it’ll be a two/three chapter series! I hope you’re enjoying your birthday. I wish you the best. I won’t specify what exactly because everything what happens should be the best! Meet the best people, make the best memories and the best experiences!!!!

Between the bookshelves

My Masterlist

A/N: it’s not beta read:) there’ll be mistakes, be prepared:)

Pairing: Mob Ari Levinson x bookshop/café owner reader

Series Summary: You’re a small-town-girl living in a big city, owning her own (somewhat successful) book- and coffee-shop, a dream you had been following for years. Some of the books are little works of your own, but nobody really knew it and nobody really read them, being just small stories between bestselling novels.

And yet there was a specific client that couldn’t put down your books.

The Saturday mornings were mostly quiet and got a bit more busy in the noon, where people start waking up or curing their hangovers-for some reason you had noticed everyone liked doing it in your little coffee shop. The quiet atmosphere, smell of coffee, cake and books was calming for the people. It was just good for their headaches. Just some time to themselves. Just some…peace. That’s how you could describe your shop. Peaceful.

Most of the time they would buy a coffee, maybe a sandwich or something sweet and would sit for a while, sometimes with their headphones on, sometimes with their eyes closed or other times watching the people walk past the windows.

You enjoyed watching people.

The older people that came by because your place had an older aesthetic, the walls made from old brick stone, the shelves and tables dark wood, the couches, loveseats, armchairs and chairs all being rather vintage than modern. Always ordering the apple pie from your grandma’s recipe. Could they taste like it was an old recipe? Did it taste differently from the other pies?

You also liked watching the business people rolling their eyes during calls or while typing something on their laptops. It was really entertaining. You also always gave them a free muffin if they spilled their coffee on some (probably important) documents.

So to say, everyone liked coming here, for whatever reasons. Maybe to drink your coffee, maybe to have some peace or forget what was happening in their busy lives, instead wanting to escape in one of the books. In your cafe was everything possible, they could just drink their coffee and enjoy some snacks or disappear in a fantasy world with witches, mermaids and vampires or into a simple romance or thriller. Whatever they wanted.

And then there was him.

He came here to see you smile. To hear your voice. To get to know you.

But until now he never actually spoke to you. Not unless it was to tell you his order.

And that’s it.

Ari was the head of the mob and yet he got cold feet when it came to talking to a pretty girl.

Usually he had no problems with talking to women, even targets or other dealers but you ... .it's like he was his teenage self again (or even worse, because he actually wasn’t that nervous back then.)

He didn’t want to mess it up too soon, since you seemed like a very nice person and probably wouldn’t approve of his work. So he wanted to show you his best side-even though he didn’t know how long he’d be able to hide his true identity.

And more important, how long he’d manage to keep you safe. That was his biggest concern. That’s also why he didn’t know if he should approach you.

For now it was enough to sit in your café and watch you from afar. Like a total creep.

Ari sighed, hitting his forehead on the table with a quiet thud. What the hell was he doing? He was making a total fool of himself? He’d now go to the counter and ask for your number.

Determined he stood up and did as planned. “Hi, may I ask for-“ “Y/N, the muffins are ready!”, shouted someone from what he assumed was the kitchen. You smiled apologetically. “Give me a minute”, with that you disappeared for a moment, coming back with a plate filled with muffins.

A bright smile crept once again onto your lips when you saw the beautiful stranger still waiting at the counter. He was one of your regulars and yet you never catched his name. Nor anything else beside his usual order. “Another cappuccino?”, you saw him opening his mouth, before nodding. “Yeah, another cappuccino, thank you”, he smiled, brushing his hair behind his ear before taking out his card.

He definitely noticed the muffin decorated with heart sprinkles to his coffee, that he hadn’t ordered. Also, he got your name. This was more than he had actually expected.

And this muffin definitely meant something, right?

You watched him for a second from behind the counter, before needing to go clean up a table. You hoped he had seen the number written on the handkerchief.

He didn’t. He threw it away.

But you didn’t know that. You imagined he threw it away on purpose. Maybe he felt awkward? Or even uncomfortable? God, you have messed up. What if he’d never come back again?

Sighing you looked out of the window imagining the beautiful man talking to you about something different than just his usual order.

Two weeks. Two whole weeks Ari couldn’t go to your café and it made him crazy. Even though he didn’t know you, he missed your sweet smile. The słuchały oversized pink hoodie you liked wearing, especially when it was a bit colder, how you always wore your hair in a bun or ponytail, showing off your beautiful rosy cheeks. The way your eyes lightened up when you talked to him-he didn’t know if it was something that happened with every customer, but he liked imagining this sparkle was just for him.

Maybe it was.

Maybe it wasn’t.

But he hoped it was.

When the quiet bell sounded as he entered the café you lifted your head, having been caught up in messaging someone while there was some quiet time in the shop. There were only a few customers busy with eating and drinking, some others reading some books.

He walked up to the counter, opening his mouth to greet you, but his voice broke when he saw your slightly rosy cheeks, the soft smile on your lips. “Hello, the usual?”, you smiled at him, making him even more speechless so he just nodded.

For fucks sake what was happening to him. How the hell could you make him speechless with just a smile even though he was able to talk to twenty men with guns in hands and files longer than some restaurant menus.

Sighing, he walked to his usual table, hanging off his jacket over the chair before walking to the shelves, looking for a new book.

He found one about a complicated love story between a college student and her professor, from what he could read in the summary-but it wasn’t the plot that surprised him.

It was your picture.

You were the author.

Ari immediately took it and walked with it over to his table where he immediately started reading. He wasn’t really into romance stuff, but it was your book. It was a piece of you, in a way, and he wanted to know something about you. About the relationship you seek, the gestures that made your breath hitch and what made your heart flutter.

So he started reading.

Within a few pages he was already pulled into the story, completely losing himself in the story, interested in the problematic relationship the main characters had. Just when the main character was supposed to meet with her professor you walked up to his table with a coffee and muffin that he hadn’t ordered.

When he looked up at you and slightly closed the book you could see he was reading your book. Your cheeks turned a dark red color. Usually it wouldn’t matter who read your book but him-not him. He wasn’t supposed to know about the things you liked, about your desires and-about your sexual preferences! Jesus. Maybe he hadn’t read who the author was?

At this point you’d rather just go to bed and never leave it again. Like, really, never.

Sighing you walked back behind the counter, not noticing the lingering gaze on you.

Three hours later, Ari was still busy with the book. At this point the story was so addictive he couldn’t put it down. The main character was a total sweetheart and the professor-god what a dick he was. Such a liar. Even though he had already messed up once, he didn’t tell his lover he still had a wife. Okay, yes, they were divorcing soon but still-he should’ve told his girlfriend about it. It’s a detail you should mention. Preferably from the beginning and not letting the girlfriend find out because the wife walked into his apartment?? Jesus!

He scoffed at the book and wanted to turn the page when his phone rang. “Levinson”, he listened to his friend about having found out who had stolen guns and other weapons from him. Ari could tell his frown deepened with every second, the vein on his forehead already pulsing from anger. Fury, even. He tried to be a good man. Really. Holding back all the time-but having one of his men betray him…this was too much. It was-

“Do you want a refill?” Your sweet voice interrupted his racing thoughts, his nerves immediately calming down, the frown disappearing. Instead a smile reappeared on his lips. “I can’t. I have to go and get some …business stuff done”, he said, already standing up. It was the first time you two were so close to each other.

His Perfume smelled overpowering, but in a surprisingly good way. It made you crave this man even more than before. The smell was just heavenly. You couldn’t stop yourself from breathing it in deeply, nearly closing your eyes to enjoy it for a bit longer but instead you looked into Ari’s bright eyes. He was taller than you, bigger than you. He towered over you, but you didn’t feel threatened. You felt safe.

Fuck. Your crush was turning into something much worse.

Little did you know that’s exactly what Ari thought too.

It’s not really unusual for him being taller or bigger than someone, but with you it’s like something inside him awoke. The need to keep you close. Keep you safe. He knew how dangerous the world could be, especially for a woman like you. But he could take care of you.

He’d love to wrap his arms around you, bury his nose against your neck and inhale your sweet smell, feel your soft skin…

He had it bad. So, so bad.

A last smile crept onto his lips before he grabbed his jacket and walked over to the door, looking once again back at you meeting your gaze. You blushed at that, making Ari’s heart pound.

He’ll ask for your number. Next time when he’ll be here.

But he didn’t. The next time, two days later, he just drank his coffee and read the book. Ari was Never this curious about a book but yours was just…incredible. The love story, the whole plot. Unbelievable. And also…thinking you had such a…interesting view of sex made him curious if you’d do the things in real life, too.

Were you into the same things as the main character? Spanking? Dom and sub dynamics in real life? Being called a good girl? Fuck, he really tried not to think about these things at night. (He failed sometimes.)

“Would you like some apple pie?”, you sweet voice made him lift his head. “Oh, sure, how much-“ “no, no, that’s on the house…it’s a gift. From me.” Your gentle tone made his heart throb, while he nodded. “Thank you.”

While he watched you walk away he wasn’t sure what to do next. You were such a kind and sweet person. And he was…he wasn’t good. Far from that, actually. You two couldn’t be more different. While you were a gentle soul that gave away the food that was left after a shift to the homeless, he was capable of torturing people without blinking an eye. He was cruel, cold and furious.

He wasn’t good enough for you. He knew. And he knew he’d only make your life miserable and dangerous. Maybe he already did with spending so much time at your café. Your worlds were too far from each other for you to date. Or even be friends.

“Here you go-enjoy”, once again did your voice pull him out of his thoughts-and a gentle touch on his shoulder. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

Fuck. It just slipped. From all the reading-he forgot. It was unbelievable how your whole being influenced his behavior, how you were able to make him forget about his whole being.

Just when he wanted to apologise a shy but bright smile formed on your lips, a slight blush slowly creeping over your cheeks. Without saying anything else you squeezed his shoulder for a second before stepping away from his table, being called over by an older couple.

Even though he really wanted to read more, his phone was getting blow up with messages about the recent thefts. They knew who caused them but not where he was hiding. The fact that it was one of his men still angried him, even more because nobody could find him.

But he needed the stolen things back. ASAP. Otherwise even he could get in trouble-which didn’t happen often.

He looked at the pie, smiling as he noticed the little heart you had drawn with whipped cream. The thought of not being able to have you made his heart crumble a little.

Why couldn’t he be just a simple man with a simple life?

Because he liked the luxurious life he had.

But maybe he could try the simple way of living for once?

Oh who was he lying to, everyone he knew would say he’d never have a standard live. He liked having an expensive car, the newest phone, eating out especially in nice restaurants or nice vacations somewhere far away.

He was curious about what you liked. Maybe he could invite you to his favourite restaurant? Seeing you in a elegant long dress, your beautiful neck exposed…maybe covered in some little hickeys, marks ... ..or maybe a simple and decent day collar. Just a neck with a little ring…only the people involved would understand-and maybe some people would even compliment your necklace, not knowing what it meant.

Ari’s whole chest tingled with need.

But he didn’t want to destroy your life by pulling into the mess he was in.

Sighing he took a little bite from the pie, immediately closing his eyes in pleasure. It tasted incredible. Perfect even.

He hadn't had such a good pie in a long time.

Ari ate the pie within a few minutes, not having enough time to eat in peace since his phone was ringing all the time.

Once again when he left he could feel your lingering gaze on his back.

Next time. He’d talk to you next time.

You promised the same thing to yourself…and your best employee-well, best friend, because she couldn’t handle listening to your venting about Ari anymore.

This time he couldn’t come to your café for over two weeks, since he was after Alex, the thief. And he didn’t have much time to relax. Especially not in your café, also he didn’t want to come closer in case someone was following him-which he believed was possible seeing what was happening.

But he really missed you, even though you hadn’t had a real conversation yet. It’s just…your smile could brighten his mood, it didn’t matter how bad the day was.

When he finally visited your place again the first thing he noticed was how your frown disappeared and how you leaned over the counter slightly. “Hello! Long time no see”, you grinned at him.

Ari chuckled at your enthusiasm, immediately feeling how your presence cheered him up. “Yeah I had a lot of stuff going on…it’s complicated. I’m just glad I can finally drink a coffee here…sit, enjoy the atmosphere here…it’s probably the only place where I feel like I can forget about the whole mess with-…you know, life”, he mumbled, shaking his head slowly.

When he took out his wallet your hand touched his and you slowly pushed it away. “It’s fine, this one's on me…maybe we could…sit a bit together? Talk?”, you smiled gently, seeing how the gears in the man’s head started doing their job.

“Sounds very nice, yes. I’d love to sit and talk a bit…”, he didn’t sound entirely sure about it, but you believed him anyway. Maybe he really had a bad day. “Perfect, then you can go sit down and I’ll be with you in a minute.”

After he did what said you started preparing the coffees and a piece of brownie for each. He’d definitely like it. At least you hoped he would.

“I’m pretty sure we never really introduced-I’m Y/N, nice to meet you”, when you finally sat down Ari turned his phone around so the screen wouldn’t be visible. You really hoped he wasn’t hiding a wife or kid. Or both? Let’s not be paranoid…but still…

Ari smiled at you, pushing his phone even further away. It’s not like you’d grab it and read his messages? This guy was a bit suspicious…but you knew not to judge a book by its cover. “I’m Ari, it’s nice to meet you. I wanted to talk to you for a while now…I couldn’t never really get myself to do it”, he chuckled, making you unintentionally but your lip a bit.

Did it mean he liked you just as much as you liked him?

“I’m glad. I was curious if we’d ever say more to each other than your usual order”, your words made him chuckle again and he shook his head a bit. “Yeah that…I don’t really like changes and besides, your coffee is really good. When I find a place I like, I don’t like changing things.” Ari took a sip from his coffee to prove his point-and once again the coffee was as good as always.

He noticed how seemingly pleased you were with this simple compliment. Wasn’t it obvious how good everything here was? Especially the barista…which he wouldn’t say out loud, but he’d think about it.

“What will happen to them? Will they have a Happy End?” Ari lifted the book he had once again taken from the shelf. One of your first pieces you had tried to write and actually finish. But you were still slightly insecure sometimes-especially when the person reading was someone you’d rather like to impress.

You shrugged slowly, a teasing smirk creeping over your lip. “I guess you’ll have to come here often and finish it yourself. I won’t spoil the ending for you. What’s the fun in reading it then?” Ari shook his head amused.

“I rather like knowing what’s coming, you know? To prepare myself for it, the same in real life-especially my business. It sucks to know that you’re being lied to”, he had no idea why he was telling you this but it felt good. It’s like his heart was speaking for him, even though his brain was screaming at him to shut up and preferably leave you alone.

But he listened to his heart, for once. He wanted to listen to his heart this one time.

You placed your hand over his, squeezing gently. “I understand. It must be hard having someone close betray you…if I may ask, what did he do? And where do you two work?”, you asked. Curiosity was never your best trait, but to your defence ari was the one speaking about it first. You had the right to ask…right?

Ari stilled for a second, looking down at his phone, then his coffee, hands, back at his phone and finally back at you. “It’s office work, but I can’t tell you much more about it”, you could tell he was lying right to your face.

Did you care about it? Did you see the red flags and decided to ignore them?

Nobody ever said you always made the right choices.

“I understand. Still sucks being lied too by someone important”, you squeeze his hand again.

At least he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. Maybe this weird gut feeling was from nervousness and not…something else. He seemed like a nice and charming guy.

On the other hand…

So did Ted Bundy.

You quickly shook those thoughts away…for now.

To your surprise you two talked for nearly two hours, before the café started to be flooded by customers and you had to go back to work. Ari left you his number, telling you to call him when you’d need any help…or just to talk.

Happily you enjoyed the rest of the shift, already thinking about texting Ari later in the evening.

Thank you for reading!

I Hope you liked it! Let me know! Support your content creators by reblogging and leaving feedback:)

Taglist: @magnificentsaladllama @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @lilsiz

[soundwavemain]

Time for our communal therapy session! Everyone gather around while I expound for way too long on the act of sacrifice in Cyberverse seasons 3 and 4.

Per my latest post, this is specifically about how Soundwave’s sacrifice in season 4 parallels Shockwave’s sacrifice in season 3.

While Shockwave was still apart of the story, we see his rivalry with Soundwave. Their ways of dealing with problems, their differences in strategy, etc. is shown in a comedic way throughout the show. But, in reality, it also specifically displays their difference in character.

Shockwave is the definition of a loyal Decepticon. He was ready to lay down his life to accomplish Megatron’s goal, which would also result in Cybertron’s destruction. None of this mattered to Shockwave. He corrupted the Allspark and died. Sacrificing himself for Megatron was his final and ultimate act of submission to someone who was never going to do the same for him. (Yes, I’m still bitter.)

On the other side of the same coin, we have Soundwave who’s always had... alternative solutions. We watch him grow so much after Shockwave’s death. Instead of being subservient, he questions Megatron’s direction. He begins to reconsider what it means to continue under Megatron. He starts fighting for something other than the Decepticon cause when the Quintessons invade. He’s fighting for the survival of his fellow Cybertronians, for the betterment of all those who live on the planet.

This is where Soundwave and Shockwave diverge. During The Perfect Decepticon, Soundwave fought against Tarn, risked his mind, body, and life to save everyone. And I mean everyone. Because Soundwave could have just as easily said, “Fuck it!” and just changed the clones’ code enough so that they would stop fighting but he didn’t. Soundwave changed it so that they could have free will, think, live. Soundwave freed them. That’s not something season 2 Soundwave would have done.

Then he attacks Tarn because he knows that there will be no peace with him alive. It doesn’t matter if he’s hurt alongside Tarn but I find it interesting that no one else was hurt in the explosion. It’s almost like he did it on purpose. It’s alright if he’s hurt, but everyone else deserves the chance to live.

Shockwave sacrificed his life so that everyone would be torn apart. Soundwave sacrificed his life so that all would be one.

[f0xfordcomma]

Happy ffwf! Do you find it easier or harder to write scenes and characters that you relate to personally? Why?

Hmmmmm I'm not sure tbh

I think that I can usually find ~something~ in any character that I relate to, even if, for the most part, I have very little in common w that character.

But the characters that I have struggled with writing the most in the past (Iroh immediately comes to mind) /are/ characters with whom I have the least in common... I guess in some ways, I find it easier to get in the head of certain characters than others?

Like Katara, for instance, I think I have a fairly strong grasp on her character because 1) I know a lot about her (because canon and fanon has given me LOTS of material) and 2) she approaches the world from the perspective of a fourteen year-old-girl. Lucky for me /I/ was once a fourteen year-old-girl ~ soooooo ~ its a little bit easier to know how she might react and feel about certain things given that perspective.

I feel like this is pretty typical with writers though, yeah? Like fairly often, its a lot easier to write a character who resembles your own life in certain ways. (As I write this, I can't stop thinking about Ernest Hemingway and the way that EVERY ONE of his main characters was just... they were just him... but in a slightly different hat.) But like, its not just ol ernie, I'm sure the correlation of author demographic info to character demographic info is pretty well matched. I want to do ~research~ now about this lolllll. ((((Okay oof its late and I just stream of consciousnessed at you about Ernest freaking Hemingway? What was the question again?))))

I think that was a reaaaaaalllly meandering way of saying yes? I think relating to characters is super helpful in writing them! Its also helpful in consuming stories well, imo. Like, if you can find SOMETHING ANYTHING to latch on to about a character that makes them relatable, it makes it easier to know them and understand the choices they make throughout the story. (This totally doesn't mean that people are ONLY going to relate to characters that they see themselves in, bc I don't think that is healthy either, but like, its easier, maybe?) idk now I'm rambling but ...... something something something about how storytelling and story sharing teaches empathy in a remarkable way.

[lilred8220]

Pact Mark HeadCannon

Noooooooooow, it's took me way too long to finish this but, I diiiiiiiiiid it. Sooooo, here are Maya's pact marks with the beloved brother's😁

So, from what I imagine ok, and hear me out. So I know a lot of people usually go for symbols like this for their MC's.

However, in my HC, I like do think the first set of symbols are usually for lesser demons and which sin they represent, each symbol slightly different from one another. Though, you'd never be able to tell the difference even after staring at it for a long time. The in game symbol is more like a stamp of approval in a document of sorts.

Now for the brother's, even Diavolo and Barbatos, their Pact Marks would be extremely different from one another. The more powerful a demon is the more unique the mark will be. And since all the demon's in question are the most powerful in Devildom, they are truly one of a kind.

Now, first off, the Marks for the most powerful and lesser demon act on slightly different rules and work differently. The end goal of a pact however, is all the same. To lend the master of the pact their power. But, in Maya’s case (and in my opinion in the case of the MC) the pact is simply their to show the bond between her and the brothers. Nothing more, nothing less.

Lesser demons, when making a pact, can't pick the spot where the mark will be. It'll just pop up randomly on the master and same goes of the demon, if they choose to put the pact mark on themselves. They only really do this to make themselves stronger.

Pact Marks from a lesser demon are basically like tattoos, it's there to stay until the pact is null and void. It also can't be hidden easily with magic. So, hope you don't end up with any awkward ones on your face lol

When the brothers make a pact with Maya however, they can pick where the mark will be. Even though it CAN be moved later on if they wanted, it's extremely painful, more so then the first. The first time it feels like if your skin is literally being branded so, it's already a painful process. (Hey, no one said making a pact would be easy🤷🏻‍♀️) Moving it feels like it 2x more thus, the brother ask where to place it before hand. Mammon however, placed his somewhat randomly due to being tricked into making a pact. The placement of Maya’s pact marks are:

Lucifer: Forehead

Mammon: Back of left hand

Levi: Back of right hand

Satan: Back of neck

Asmo: Upper chest

Beel: Middle of stomach

Belphie: Lower back

The pact marks from the brothers can disappear from sight though, demons and sometimes angels can sense the mark still.

The reason this was put into place is....well.....actually because, of Solomon. Since he made a pact with Barbatos and Asmo. This spell on all their pact marks is there simply for safety reasons. Like, imagine, getting a into a pact with ONE powerful demon alone is very....VERY DIFFICULT. Just imagine walking with TWO powerful pact marks. Not to mention the fact that Maya is walking around with pact marks from ALL SEVEN BROTHERS OF SIN. any rogue coven would KILL for the chance to find out how someone managed to achieve the unthinkable. So, yeah, the pact marks are usually hidden from all to see.

When their pact marks are in use though, they will reappear and glow brightly. No magic can hide that. If the brothers touch their mark, it'll also appear until they let it go. Another way the mark can be visible for a short time is if the master wills it to be. If Maya simply wants to look at one of her marks, it'll appear in it's proper place. Once her attention is drawn away from it, it'll disappear again. If she truly wanted to, and she wanted to, she could leave the marks visible permanently. Even though the brothers would love that, for her safety, they all agreed to leave them hidden.

The brothers can put a pact mark on themselves if they wanted, though functionally, it would have no purpose. But, for Maya, they all, one way or another, ended up with the mark on themselves to strengthen their relationship with her.

And their pact mark placements are:

Lucifer: Inside of right wrist

Mammon: Back of left hand

Levi: Right side of chest

Satan: Right bicep

Asmo: Lower right side of abdomen

Beel: Left shoulder

Belphie: Upper back

The actual process of making a Pact is fairly simple. Now, the wording of the spell depends on the demon in question. So, I'll go with what a lesser demon would say then what Mammon would say due, to more powerful demons having a few more steps when making a pact.

Starts by taking hold of the pact masters forearm

The demon with their free hand, puts up their pointer and middle finger and puts down their ring, pinky and thumb

The demon places their two fingers on the master's forehead and says the following, "With this, you will be able to sense my power."

The demon will move their fingers to the master's chest and says the following, "With this, you will be able to use the power I lend to you."

The demon will move their fingers to the master's neck and says the following, "With this, you can summon me to your beck and call. Now, let the mark rest."

The demon can stop here as the pact was made, however, if they choose to mark themselves, the demon will put their fingers to their own forehead and says the following, "With the pact set, I mark myself. With my master's mark on me, here is the proof of our pact."

With that the mark will pop up in a randomly on the demon. And the pact will be complete.

Now, with Mammon, making a pact is similar and it go like this.

Starts by taking hold of Maya's forearm

Mammon with his free hand, puts up his pointer and middle finger and puts down his ring, pinky and thumb

Mammon places his two fingers on Maya's forehead and says the following, "With this, you will be able to sense the power of greed."

Mammon will move his fingers to Maya's chest and says the following, "With this, you will be able to use the power of greed that I, Mammon, lend to you."

Mammon will move his fingers to Maya's neck and says the following, "With this, you can summon me, Avatar of greed, to your beck and call."

Mammon will glance up and down Maya's body till his eyes land on her left hand, he'll carefully lift her hand up, not trying to disrupt the spell. He'll place his fingers on the back of her hand and says the following, "This is where the mark of greed will rest."

And that is when he finishes the pact until, he decides to mark himself. Which he'll repeat steps 1 and 2 but will just put his fingers on the back of his left hand and says, "With the pact set, I, Mammon, mark myself. With my master's mark on me, here is the proof of our pact with greed."

The master's mark is basically a mix of the demon's mark with a symbol in the center that represents them. In Maya's case, it would be a rose.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

[cass-cc]

Hello @skittidyne ! It's me from twitter!

I know I have another version of this somewhere because that's the one I was thinking of originally as it was a bit more detailed/refined, but this is the very first draft doodle of the BBAC wrap cover / cast lineup I made back in maybe 2015 or 2016. It was on literally the last page of the composition notebook I found, so any others I made would be elsewhere.

If I'm remembering correctly (or at all) character placement was based on which category of 🔔 📖 &🕯️ I felt each character/group were best represented by (at least at the time of drawing this). It's been several years now so I'm going off what I remember from that time to justify things. It's quite long so it'll be under the cut!

🔔 - Yamaguchi is surrounded by his luck spirit entourage, as I feel that storyline is tied closely to bells, what with all the cat collars. Tsukishima is actually the "Bell Representative" with the bell choker on full display. The 🔔📖🕯️ each have their own character(s) that I considered most prominent for their category. Yachi and Kiyoko are by this group, but we'll get to them later.

📖 - Sugawara and Yui are the Book Representatives because of all that necromancy research they did. Specifically, I think I thought of it because of the book with the chapter on demonology that Kenma gets his hands on. Yui is off to the side while Suga is between her (holding one of his many notebooks) and Nishinoya, Asahi, Daichi, Oikawa, and Iwaizumi. I think I did this is because Suga was a literal line between life and death - or more accurately "here" and "gone," as Asahi is very much dead, but still around after the crash, and Yui was apparently still alive, just no one had seen her in a long time and thought she was dead. Daichi is there because of both the romance and the magic learning with Suga. Oikawa and Iwaizumi are there because I felt the whole dreamlands adventure fit here because of the research that required and inspired, plus Oikawa and Suga's previous relationship. But I guess I wanted to insert the Tanaka siblings between them? Probably so they could be closer to Noya, but I'm not 100% sure on that tbh.

🕯️- Kenma and Kuroo represent the Candle because of that whole demon summoning for sacrifice fiasco, and Kenma's general use of them. Lev is there because he learned about magic from Kenma and that scene with Lev stumbling upon the aftermath never failed to make me laugh. Bokuto and Akaashi because of their relationship (plural) and their part in Kenma's plan to pause the apocalypse.

& - There for characters who I felt fit into multiple storylines equally or I wasn't sure where exactly to place them but wanted them to feel included. The & category is also used to tie 🔔📖🕯️ together into one long string of characters, which I felt was fitting because that's what the word "and" does.

In &, we have Yachi & Hitoka, Kageyama & Hinata, Ushijima & Tendou in fox form (+ the lurking presence of The Thing That Should Not Be), and, of course, Ryuu & Saeko. I think having them in pairs like this was intentional because "&," but also that might just be how things turned out because of how their storylines were working out at the time of drawing this. no clue, but I probably drew this in literature class lol.

Anyways thanks for coming to my TED Talk! Hope it makes sense.

[sif-the-tsunami]

When I Was His Wife

“Well I was looking forward to/ staying here forever/ ‘cause you asked me to/ Didn’t think I could do better/ So I settled down/ in this ten cent town/ it’s about to break me.” These are the Best Years of my Life- Pistol Annies

This is the follow up to “When You Fall Apart” Which is one of my favorites that I’ve written.

(there is Sy just carrying the weight of all of my own internal chaos)

A/N thank you for everyone who encouraged me to write this, I adore Sy as a character. He seemed like someone who could pull off the impossible. I made some choices in here that not everyone will agree with. Tell me I’m wrong in the comments an we can discuss it there.

Pairing: Sy and Josephine

Warnings: again all of them. discussion of infidelity, Discussion of child loss, discussion of unprotected sexual intercourse, headbutting, day drinking, self medicating, therapy, swearing fealty on ones hunting knife, discussion of knife play, I’m probably missing something

 Everything is going below the cut this time to save anyone who doesn’t like this kind of stuff from unpleasantness.

word count just shy of 7.5K

Thank you to @inlovewithhisblueeyes for letting me bounce ideas off of you, love you sweet girl

tagging: @oddsnendsfanfics @willkatfanfromasia @rocket44 @feralrunaway @littlewrenofrivia​  @summersong69​  @coffeebooksandfandom​ @klaine-92​ @nothingright​ @cavillsim​ @watery-lane​ @above-average-ass-bitch 

unbeta’d

I slept for the next two days, Mama only woke me up long enough to drink some water once she started worrying about me. She managed to wrangle my out of my clothes and into one of Daddy’s shirts we got him that she left in the drawer. My phone was dead, but thankfully Mama and I had the same kind so I could charge it today. What fresh hell was going to be waiting for me on my digital leash? I lay there for a while, the murmur of conversation in the other room was comforting. Mama left a fresh glass of water some time recently, it was still chilly with only a little condensation forming around the sides. The ache in my chest was almost unbearable. The hole in my heart was Syverson sized, being sober made the edges of that abyss feel even more raw and pronounced. I don’t know if my liver could handle me drowning my sorrow much more, but I would give anything to not feel it. I need to make this feeling of worthlessness go away.

When I finally decided to rejoin the land of the living, Mama and my brother Teddy were talking at the kitchen table, discussing about if they should come with me to go get my things or if I should call the sheriff’s office to be monitored. I stayed behind the corner long enough to let them finish what they were going on about.

“If I know Jo well enough, she’s going to need someone to keep her from burning the whole house down with him in it tied to a chair,” my brother chuckled. “She’s been taking care of herself for years. You should have seen how she handled one of these girls who came up to us once on Post.

“Jo was loading up the car when this prissy little thing came walking up, she must have thought she was some kind of hot shit. You would have been so proud of her Mama, the girl said to her that she had been sleeping with James during their deployment. All Jo said back to her was ‘You’ve both been back for something like three months, right, have you seen him since?’ Little Miss Hot Shit stuttered and said ‘Well not yet,’ like she had been really holding out that he was going to. ‘He doesn’t have my new phone number.’ Jo just tiled her head to the side. Smiled at her real sweetly and told her, ‘Baby girl, he’s not going to. He knows how to find you. You were just a rental car to him, sweetie bell. Ford Fiestas are fun as hell to ride but let’s be honest, you aren’t going to pick a Fiesta over the Mercedes Benz you have at home. You aren’t the first and you sure as hell won’t be the last, now go on and get out of here before I ruin the rest of your day like you tried to ruin mine.’ One of the other officer’s wives came up to her and said she was amazed that she handled her so well without breaking Miss Prissy Pant’s face. She just said ‘I’m too pretty to go to prison, Kathy.’ And we hoped in the car. You raised one tough lady, Mama.”

“How many times has that happened, Theodore, I need to know.”

“She has only told me about four women meeting her face to face. The two pregnant girls who got knocked up to get out of their deployments, Prissy Pants, and one who thought that James was in love with her. She evidently broke down in tears on the tarmac when Josie jumped into his arms and he swung her around. But she would get letters tucked into the windshield of her car for months whenever he returned from deployment.”

“You two kept this from me for years, why?”

“Jo said that this was her problem, don’t you remember how you handled it when her first boyfriend ran out on her on prom night? She cried to you and Dad, and you just told her that no one is worth weeping over. She’s just been trying to make you proud, Mama. Daddy might have known because I know they had a really nasty fight about a month before he died.”

I walked out after that. Mama’s eyes were red, “Good morning, baby, do you want pancakes? Bacon and eggs? What do you want, Darlin’?”

“Coffee would be a good start.” I rasped. “Can I use your charger?”

“It’s right here. Cream and sugar?”

“Black as my sense of humor, please Mama.” I said, Teddy chuckled again. I reached over and squeezed my brother’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m glad you’re here.”

“I got to look after my little sissy.” He replied using what he called me growing up. “So what are we doing to get over Jimmy?”

“I was thinking tattoos and day drinking?”

“Atta’ girl, Josie. Fuck that douche canoe.”

As soon as my phone was able to turn on, it sat on the counter vibrating for the next five minutes.  Six missed calls from James. And seventy text messages. A few from stores I shop at, but the majority were from my husband.

“Ugh, I just don’t feel like dealing with this right now.” I said as my mom put my coffee in front of me.

“Just leave him on read. I doubt he’s hurting for company.”  Mama said, in almost a snarl. I looked through a few messages. The last one was from this morning. Sweetheart, I’m worried sick about you, I miss you. Please talk to me?

“Ted, do you want to go with me to Walmart so I can get a couple day’s worth of clothes, I am just not ready to go back and I can’t live in Daddy’s old shirts.”

“Of course, we can get some booze while we are there.”

“Get yourself a bathing suit while you are there, honey, its going to be beautiful today and you can go for a swim.” Mama added.

I texted James back finally as I finished my coffee. I’m sorry I worried you, Sy, I have literally been asleep since I got here. I’m not ready.

I understand. I’m sorry, I should have seen how much I’ve been hurting you. I swear to God, I really do love you. Please, let me know what I can do for you.

Yeah, you should have, James. You should have seen how bad you’ve been treating me. You can drop off the face of the earth, that’s what you can do for me, I think spitefully. Thankfully, Mama washed my yoga pants and tank top. It would have to be alright for now. My brother let me wear one of his extra flannel shirts he kept in the back of his car. An hour later, Ted and I were at the store, picking up chips, dip, and cheap champagne. Mama loved mimosas, so I thought it was the least I could do. I grabbed a couple of sun dresses and a bikini, if I was going to be gone for a few days, I was going to come back home looking refreshed, radiant even, and not like the hot pile of garbage I was feeling like. I made a small detour to the cosmetics department, got myself a couple of face masks, hair dye, and sun screen.

“Really? Dark brown, Josie?”

“That’s as close to my natural color as I can, I’m tired of the blonde highlights. I think after this I might just let it come in. Grays and all. Who ever loves me next is going to have to just deal with me as nature intended.”

“I’m proud of you. Do you think you will leave him for good?” He said, Ted has always been very protective of me.

“Well, I certainly can’t leave him for evil, can I?” Making him laugh. One the way outside there was a truck near the front of the store with a sign that read “Puppies for sale.”

“Teddy, we need to see these puppies.” I gasped. Walking up to the truck bed I saw the sweetest little German Shepard puppies. I reached in and they all started flopping all over the place trying to get pets and love. Maybe a puppy was exactly what my hurting heart needed. We haven’t had a dog since Aika passed away. It was looking like I would never have a baby but maybe this was the kind I needed. Puppy snuggles would definitely make that Syverson shaped hole less painful.

“I’ll buy you a puppy if you divorce James.” Ted said to me, half joking.

“Shit, I can afford the puppy, pay for the divorce.” I jest back. “How much for one of the precious babies?”

“$500 a pup, mom has a pedigree, but daddy was the neighbor’s sneaky bastard.” The woman also petting the puppies said. “Mama is in the front if you want to meet her, daddy is very friendly as well.”

I start laughing uncontrollably. With tears in my eyes, I ask if any of the puppies are girls, and she pulls   out a beautiful little one with floppy ears and the biggest smile I had ever seen on a dog. Oh yeah, she was meant for me.

“I’ll take her, do you take checks?” I think I’m ready to start healing.

*****

“Josephine, that son of a bitch you call your husband is here to see you.” Mama shouts from the house. It’s Sunday afternoon now, Teddy and I have exhausted all the snacks and mimosas hours ago and now we were sobering up by the pool. My new baby girl is laying next to my sun chair, chewing on her bone, wearing a pretty pink collar.

“Well, might as well let him out here.” I shout back.

“Are you sure, I can kick his ass to the curb if you want me to, baby.”

“Its okay Mama, I can handle him myself.” Sy walks out in the back yard a couple minutes later. I’m guessing Mama threatened to stick him in a meat grinder.

“I deserved that.” He said, looking thoroughly admonished. “You changed your hair, it looks really good...

“Oh bless your heart, James. That’s not even half of what you deserve.” Ted spoke up before he could finish, not moving his face towards him. He lay there in his swim trunks and dark sunglasses.

“Oh great, all three of you have been drinking. I can tell this is going to go well...” James sighed. “Who is this cutie pie, did your Ma get a new dog?”

“She’s my dog, her name is Stella Rosa.”

“I don’t think anyone asked you to come, Colonel Sanders, what are you doing here?” Ted snapped.

“Hey, I got this, okay? I’m a big girl, please, go in the house. The fuck are you doing here James?” I lift my sun glasses up.

“She’s a very sweet pup. Yeah, you are a good girl for your mama, aren’t you? I came to see you. I want to bring you home, baby, I miss you.” He’s checking out my fresh tan in my new bikini. Subtly, but he does it.

“I’m not ready. I’m not even ready to talk to you. Why would you think that I even want to come home?”

“I don’t know, I asked myself that the entire drive here. I don’t know what I’m even going to do with myself when I go home alone. Pussycat, I can’t begin to think of life without you. I know I fucked up. And I know I can’t take that back. You asked me the other day what I kept that was special just between us. I should have answered you then. All those nights where you fell asleep with your head on my chest, the evenings laying in the back of the truck looking at the stars after driving around trying to find the best nachos in town. And, baby, no matter where we go, yours are always the best. No one else ever got moments like that. You are the only woman I want to slow dance with in the middle of the night.

“You are the only person in the world that I would wait four hours in the freezing cold to get the best brisket in Austin for because you were craving bbq when we were still, you know...” He paused. I don’t think he ever stopped blaming himself for what happened. His knees were never the same after that accident, and usually whenever he stood up from kneeling, they clicked and popped painfully. He leaned a little closer spreading his legs and reached down to pet Stella. She seemed a little leery of him. It is easy to be cynical given the circumstances, but there is something about the way he is talking to me, I haven’t heard him be this earnest in years.

“When was the last time you were with someone other than me?” I can’t bring myself to look at him. I keep my eyes anywhere but on him. My body aches so badly for him to just wrap his arms around me. I miss him.

“When I got held up in Kuwait for two weeks in December...”

“December? You mean when you missed my fucking birthday. Goddammit James...” And the ache is gone. My heart shattered again. He’s going to make me cry again.

“Hey, it was after your birthday, and it was a hate fuck because I was mad that I broke yet another promise to you.”

“That doesn’t make it better.” I snap. “How many that deployment?”

“Just the one. And she’s someone who I knew was more discreet because we had that arrangement before.”

“I swear on my Daddy’s grave that if you are lying to me right now, I will end you Syverson. You couldn’t have waited a few more days?”

“I had no idea when I was going home. We boarded that fucking plane three times and had to turn back because there was a problem with it. I was two seconds away from tearing apart the first Private that so much as looked at me sideways. It felt like, at the time, the less terrible choice.”

“They sound both pretty shitty to me. You are a fucking adult James, you have to be able to control yourself or at least be responsible for your actions. If this is what you think love is, I would rather you hate me.” I stand up. Stella wags her tail excited to get away.

“Josephine, please...” He grasps my wrist, not hard, but there wasn’t anyway I was going to be able to get out of his big hand.

“Please what? Please stay so you can keep treating me like this. There are some people in this world who have no problem playing second or third fiddle, they are just thankful they are in the band. But I deserve to be your first chair, or I don’t want to play at all.”

“Mama wants to know if the jackass is staying for dinner.” Ted shouts at us.

“He going!” “I’m staying!” we yell over each other. He’s not looking at me, he’s not even looking at the pup. His eyes are somewhere else, mentally for a second he is somewhere else also.

“Baby…  I… You have always been my first chair. There is no one else on earth like you. I have never done anything with these women as an act of love. It was always been, and I mean always, just a way to scratch an itch. Every time I was gone, every time things got bad, getting to come home to you was the thing that keep me going, Jo. You have been my safe harbor for the worst parts of my life.”

“James… That doesn’t excuse what you’ve done. You aren’t the man I fell for anymore. This isn’t healthy.” He let go of my wrist, and rubs his face. Those beautiful eyes of his have seen so much. For the first time I think he actually looks… broken. Is this the remorse I have been wanting to see? I try not to keep scores, especially when it comes to my loved ones. But for the first time since things went sour, he looks like I hurt him as much as he has hurt me.

Maybe there was love between us once. However there are just two broken hearts for now.

“Come on in the house, I can at least feed you before I send you back.”

“I think I will just go,” he says it quietly. “I don’t want to be a burden on you.”

“Don’t be like that, I am still cooking like I’m making dinner for you, so its way too much for the three of us. Come on in, I made carnitas.”

“I’ll be in, I just need a minute.” He refuses to let me see him cry if he’s not waking up screaming, even after all this time. Whenever we could have a healing moment, he pushes me out. I went inside, and started setting the table.

“Are we poisoning his tacos?” Teddy asked me.

“That’s not the worst idea I’ve heard today.” Mama interjected.

“No, and don’t start anything. He’s eating dinner with us, don’t either of you make him feel bad. I already did that.” Sy walked in at that moment, those blue eyes of his rimmed with red. He looked defeated. The four of us ate our dinner in silence. There was a time where he would have made some kind of comment about eating me out when we had tacos. He looked at me once during the meal, I think he remembered it too. He offered to clear the plates when were all done and sat in uncomfortable silence. The cockiness I had grown accustomed to over the years was gone.

He carried himself like this when we lost our baby, he can’t take that kind of humility. At least not with me.

“Sy...” I waited until the others were out of the room. “Do you still want me to come home with you?”

“Not if it means all we are going to do is get a divorce. I can’t see you every day knowing that I will never get to be yours again. I let them do a lot of terrible things to me over the years, but that… that I can’t handle.” His voice cracked. “If you want out, I will give you everything you ask for. I won’t fight you. But please, give me a chance to fight for you.”

“I don’t think you are exactly in a position to make that that request.” I lean against the counter across the room from him.

“No, I’m not.” he half smirked, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Look, I’m not saying that this can’t still all explode in our faces. But I miss my best friend and that has always been the best part of us. It will never be the same as it was before, it can’t be. However, if you are willing to work with me, I am willing to see if we there is any salvageable. If nothing else, we both need therapy very badly. We can’t just shrug this off. The second that it goes back to where we were, I’m gone.”

“Okay. I’ll do it.” He sniffs hard, and his breath is broken up, tucking his arms against himself. Usually its in authority, this time hes just trying to hug himself. I gesture him to come over and I hug him. He wraps his arms around then envelopes me. Leaning his head on mine, he whispers “I’ll do whatever you want, my darlin.”

I told my mom that I would be going home, she sighed at me. “Do you think this is the best idea?”

“I don’t know, Mama. I think I just want some closure. I told him if he so much as sneezes out of line that I’m gone. Forever. There will be no more chances.”

“Well, baby, I trust you. You are always welcome back here if you need to get away.”

While I’m packing my stuff into the shopping bags I had, I hear a sudden crack and Sy groans then swears. “yeah, I deserved that too.”

“What the fuck did you just do, Theodore?” I yell coming out. Ted was still holding my husband’s hand, and Sy was holding his face. “Did you… just headbutt him?”

“Yes, I did. My sister my might be willing to move past your mistakes, but I’m not. However, I’ve always been the petty one in the family. Hurt her again, they will have to dig your nuts out of your chest cavity, do we understand each other?”

“Yep, perfectly.” Sy grimaced. There were very few men that he would not retaliate against. Teddy, at 6’5, and years of horse wrangling, was one of them. Sy was build like a brick shit house, but so was my big brother. I thought we were old enough to not resort to violence, I have been wrong before.

My probably, potentially, soon to be ex-husband put mine and Stella’s things in the back bench of his truck. I held her in the crook of my arm as I climbed up in the cab. He gently shut the door for me, I noticed his shiner was going to be pretty gnarly in the morning.

He climbed into the other side as I set little Stella down on the floor. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it was a cheap shot, I’ll be fine. At this point, I don’t want to rock the boat with your brother and Ma. She tore me a new asshole before I got outside today.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t changed your mind, say to hell with me and that I’m not worth the hassle.”

“Josephine, I might not have made the appropriate effort to show you how much you mean to me, but you are worth it.” The Syverson shaped hole in my heart roared. Why couldn’t he have been this way all along?

We talked about the girl at the movies, and how she was one of his new officers. She might have come on to him, but he never engaged with her outside of work related things. He told her several times that he wasn’t interested but she was persistent. I halfway apologized for trying to decapitate him with a tequila bottle. He acknowledged that this was a long time coming.  This was the most we had talked about anything deep for months. I don’t know if it was too little and too late though.

The rest of the drive home we made a plan of action. He would move into the office and would stay in there until I invited him back into my bed. We would start couple’s therapy as soon as we could. He would also start seeing a therapist individually. Before we got into town I also told him my final request for our reconciliation. I wanted to see other people. I had been with him since I was nineteen, I have never faltered in my devotion to him. I wanted to see if he was really the one for me.

When I got home, I poured out the rest of my alcohol, save for a bottle of champagne I was saving for our anniversary. He took Stella outside to go potty and came back singing her name “Stella bella, who is a good girl? Your Mama picks good puppies, yes she does. Good girl, Stella bella.”

Stella came prancing back to me with her tail wagging happily. He walked up behind me, and grazes the backs of my arms gently with his knuckles, leaning down to kiss my neck. “Not yet, Sy. I don’t want us to complicate things more than they already are.”

“Josie, what do you mean?”

“I don’t want to have sex with you until we start therapy.”

“So you want us to stop having sex, sleep in separate rooms and at some point you want to start seeing other men.” He starts nodding. He lets out a deep sigh and closes his eyes. “Okay, it that’s what you want to do. I was thinking about getting my stuff out of the bedroom so I can try to get some sleep. I love you, Pussycat. I’ll see you in the morning.” And with that, James went to bed. He was snoring on the couch in the office by the time I went to go lay down.      

****

It took us three weeks to get into see a couples therapist. It felt a little validating about my decision that we shouldn’t sleep together until we have really decided to try or not. She had me stay behind and talk with her for another half an hour the first time we met.  She asked me why I wanted to save my marriage with Sy if he’s hurt me for years.

“I don’t rightly know,” I told her. “Maybe its because when we are good we are so damn good. Before we were married, I was warned, I knew that things happened overseas and I shouldn’t take it personally, he’s just a man and not a saint. I never have had a doubt in my mind about if he’s been faithful when he’s been here until recently when a woman he knows started acting weird around me. The love we had was so passionate, like sometimes he thought that if he couldn’t put his hands on me I would disappear. I don’t think I will ever find someone who can love me like that again.”

The therapist suggested that he starts getting treated for PTSD and anger management while we all were working together. I would also have my own separate sessions to work on my own issues. It took a few months but I started seeing small differences in how he was handling things at work that pissed him off. He was able to defuse himself more easily. He became more open with his feelings. I think it helped that we both stopped drinking. We could be a little volatile when we had a pitcher (or three) of margaritas.

There were days with our sessions where we leave emotionally exhausted and not speak to each other the rest of the day, some of them ended in peals of laughter, others where I would cry for most of it. We discussed the infidelity at great lengths. I don’t want to rehash the details but it was definitely one of the bad days. But it seems that the root cause was him using the only the other women for comfort after fairly traumatic events. It’s why it only happened on deployments. He needed to feel something other than pain.

The lack sexual intimacy between the two of us made James start to get creative to initiate closeness between the two of us. He started helping me make dinner on the weekends, or he would bring me my coffee in the morning the way I like it. Mama and Teddy started coming over occasionally for suppers. It was nice to have the house filled with laughter. We started talking again like when we first started dating. He would take the time to go with me grocery shopping.

He started asking me out on dates again. Myself, him and Stella would drive out to the country, with a picnic basket that he would even prepare himself and we would go star gazing like we used to. I loved seeing the effort, but that hole still ached in my chest the whole time. The pieces should have all fit together, but here I was still not sure I could commit to him for the rest of my life.

On one of these dates, he asked me what I thought about him retiring. He had been in for almost nineteen years at this point and had far exceeded is expectations for being in the Army as an officer.

“I kind of just want to sell off all our extra shit and buy a really nice Air-stream. We can pull it with my truck. Just travel up and down the continent, I know you always have wanted to see the Northern Lights, we can just go anywhere. Me, you and Stella would visit where ever we could find a parking spot.”

“That sounds nice, Sy.” It came out a little half hearted.

“You don’t sound convinced, sweetheart.” He said, started sounding concerned.

“Hun, I don’t want to have a fight right now, so please just let me get this off my chest.” I sigh. And then I told him about the pain in my chest that I’ve had since my night in jail. That sometimes, like tonight, it was only a dull ache. That other times the edges are still so sharp that it feels like the pain was going to swallow me whole. He sits up, jaw dropped.

“Why haven’t you told me this before? I… Jo… son of a bitch.” He groans. He lays back down, the same defeated tone came back that I hadn’t heard since Mama’s house. “I’m trying my best, Josephine, but I feel like I have one hand tied behind my back… you will never love me again, will you?  I can grovel, and beg. I don’t know what else I need to do. I know what I want to do, but it will just hurt you more.”

“What do you want to do, Sy?”

“I want to kiss every part of your skin, remind your body that I worship it. I want to pin you to the wall of our hallway and make love to you. I want to go to sleep with my nose buried in in your hair, and wake up sliding inside of you. I have since you came home. Hell, I always want to do that with you. But that can’t be the only thing that keeps us together.” He looked over at Stella sprawl out.

“I didn’t say this to hurt you, hun. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

“I know, I… just don’t want to cause you more misery. I really thought we were, you know, heading back in the right direction.”

“We have been, and honestly, I think if we threw in the towel now, it would cause more harm than good.” I say as the tears well up in my eyes. For the first time since I was taken away, I straddle his hips. He sits up and I place my hands on either side of his face, then lean in to kiss him. He kisses me back with the same hunger. I missed him. The ache dulled a little until he pulled away.

“Let’s get going, Jo, I want you so fucking bad. I want to take you here and now, I want to make you scream my name and damn anyone who catches us. We need to stop this, the agreement was that we wouldn’t. Fuck I’ve missed how you taste.” He said before stealing one more kiss.

*****

The next week was awkward to say the least, the therapist was pleased about the kissing and that I opened up. She said that it was possible that the pain would go away, but that he and I needed to remember that it was like I was grieving. In the mean time, we should continue to take it slowly because we both needed to be sure. The following few days he was distant, and the ache returned in full force.

With his PTSD treatments, he was having less nightmares. It was the best thing I could ask for. There were still times where he would yell in his sleep but they had become farther and farther apart. It was a night after he had his individual treatment, he had come home talking about how he felt the night of my breakdown. He came home and told me a little bit, how he had never seen me so angry before, thrashing about like a caged animal. He hated himself for pushing me there. That night, in the darkness of the small hours, I woke up from being dead asleep hearing him say my name in a panic. He then repeated sounding more and more scared. “Josie, oh my god, Josie, no. I’m sorry Jo, I didn’t mean to. JoJo!”

I rushed into the office, he was jerking violently in his sleep about on the couch. I turned on the light near his head. When these dreams happen, his eyes were usually opened, it creeps my out every time. I start to gently wake him up, saying his name and touching him as gently as possible. It took a few moments but he came back to me.

“Jo, Jesus fuck, you’re alright?”

“Of course I am, sweetheart, what happened? I’m right here, I’m okay, you are okay, everything is okay.”

“I dreamed we were back in the kitchen, you were under me. Screaming and whipping about. I had to restrain you more then I accidentally broke your neck and you died in my arms. It felt real, baby, I was holding your body and then the sheriff came and that’s when you woke me up. Oh my god. I fucking can’t. I can’t anymore. I need you, Josie. If something happens to you, oh fuck.” I have never seen James sob like this. He pawed at me until I was wrapped in his arms. I slipped my arms around his neck and held his head to mine. His sobs were hard. We sat there until he let it all out.

“Come on, big man, let’s get you into bed. Come with me. I’ll stay with you all night.” He nodded at me and followed me to the bed we used to share. I wrapped him up in our fluffy blankets. He snuggled into me and was asleep in moments. I stayed there in his arms until he woke up. The Syverson shaped hole hurt less that night.

When he woke up he started crying again. He held me and started kissing my face. “Thank god. I thought you coming to me last night was another dream.”

“No baby, I’m here.” He sniffed hard and squeezed me closer to him. We went back to sleep for a few more hours and when we got up for the day he moved his things back into our bedroom. We might not have started other marital acts but we both started sleeping better having the other person in bed. It had been almost six months we started trying to reconcile.

*****

It had been an interesting couple of months while we started the transition for him to retire. Soon it was only a matter of days. The dates had continued, the kissing had continued, but something was keeping me back from being able to say that the next step was what I wanted. Therapy continued, and we would be seeing her for the next few months. Before I left my private session she asked me if I had given myself a deadline. She was concerned that I might keep dragging it out and that would just make both of us miserable. I told her I had an idea and that I planned on pulling the trigger soon.

Sy’s superiors were setting up a retirement ceremony for him, followed by a dinner with the upper chain of command. He wasn’t looking forward to it, Sy just wanted to be out and done. He came home one day while I was watching a show based on a book series I had read when we first were married. The redheaded Scot swore fealty to his wife, offering to pierce his own heart with a dagger if he should ever rebel against her again.  

“What’s this you’re watching?” He asked.

“Outlander, it just picked back up again from a season break. It’s pretty damn close to the book.”

“So is this what the ladies like these days, men in kilts offering to off themselves if they fuck up?”

“Women have liked men in kilts since I can remember. Why do you think we go to the Renn Faire every year.” I wink at him. “But yeah, I’m sure that does it for some people.”

“Well shit, Pussycat, it’s the only thing I haven’t done.” Sy walked out of the room and came back with his favorite hunting knife. It had been his dad’s once upon a time. The handle was made out of buck horn. In his warn and dusty uniform, he knelt in front of me on the living room floor. His beautiful blue eyes looking into mine, “Well, this isn’t iron, and it definitely isn’t holy. However, I will swear on it either way. Josephine, you are the only woman I have ever loved, you are my best friend, and I adore you. I will never do anything to make you doubt that love or loyalty again. If I ever do anything that makes you feel like you are less than the beautiful, smart, incredible, sexy creature that you are, you can sink this right in my heart. I will even hold it there for you so all you have to do is press it right in.” He finishes with a tongue click as an exclamation.      

“James, you didn’t need to do this. You know I am weird about grand gestures.”

“No, I think I do. I said my vows to you on our wedding rings and I wasn’t able to keep it. But, I will never break this one. If I can earn your love back, I will never do anything to make you regret giving me this chance to be your man.” He still held the knife against his chest with one hand, and placed my hand over his with the other. “So what do you think, baby girl? We still have a long way to go, but I can’t think of anyone else I would rather struggle with.”

“I think you just put yourself in a position that I could just end you now if I wanted to.” I say with my usual sass.

“Yes, you could. I don’t think you will though.” He said smiling, his voice was husky and deep as usual. I love that easy smile of his.

“Is it wrong that I want to get on your lap and make out with you while I hold this against you.” His eyebrow raised. “Maybe more than just make out with you.”

“Oh, don’t you tease me now, sweet thing. I don’t want to start anything you won’t finish.”

“Who said I won’t finish it, Colonel Syverson?” His eyes grew as big as dinner plates.  

“Wait, do you mean it?” He choked.

“Yeah, I do mean it.” I laughed. Before I could get up, he had hiked the skirt of the dress I was wearing up to my hips, pulling me to the edge of the sofa, revealing that I had skipped a certain garment that day. “I had an idea for after supper, but if you want we can do this now…. Oh fuck I’ve missed this.”

Before I can even finish my sentence, he was going to town with his tongue on his favorite part of my body. He remembered everything that made me squeal in delight. From the lack of sex on both of our ends, he was able to get me off easily. My body was desperate for his touch. He stopped once my body was trembling, kissing one of my thighs from my apex to my knee. He suddenly grunted and bit down on a tender part. He started panting and kissed the spot he bit.

“I’m sorry, sugar, I didn’t want to only last for two or three thrusts. Fuck, I have missed this pretty pussy. You taste so good.” He had a handful of his own cum and looked around for a tissue. Without a word, I grabbed his hand and licked it clean, keeping eye contact with him the entire time. He moaned out and then stood up. He took his shirt off, and lifted me up off the couch. I knew this hurt his back and knees but I wasn’t about to chastise him for wanting to be romantic. He carried me like we were on our honeymoon back to the bedroom. He lay me down as gently as possible then finished stripping himself. I took my dress off leaving myself exposed to him in a way that I haven’t in almost a year. Sy joined me on the bed, open and vulnerable to me. I loved those thick thighs and torso of his, he always eclipsed me.

“Hello ladies, nice to finally see you again.” He purred as he licked and sucked on my nipples. He leaned to one side and massaged my breasts with one of his hands. “Glad to see you that you missed me too.”

Before long, I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh. He spread my legs and rubbed himself against my opening. He leaned down and kissed my neck before sliding himself inside of me. I moan his name as he gently started making love to me. Bearing his weight on his elbows, he kissed and nipped at my neck.

Breathlessly, he told me how much he missed my body, how much he loved me, how lucky he was to have me. As his tempo increased, he started to whisper in me ear.

“Josephine, tell me what you are.” I looked at him confused. “You are my wife, I want you to tell me that you are my wife.”

“I’m your wife, James.” I tell him as lovingly as possible.

“Louder, baby.”

“I’m your wife.” I said loud and clearly. The Syverson shaped hole in my chest is gone, finally. Replaced with the warmth of knowing we were going to be able to survive this.

“Even louder, Jo.” I yell it out and he thrusts harder and deeper. “Keep going, beautiful, I want the whole neighborhood to know.”

I screamed it as he started pounding me harder, building his orgasm. As my own starts its crescendo, I screamed his name and arched my back as he pulls my hips down on himself and spilled into me. He lay down beside me, twitching and jerking a little. He kisses all the parts of my skin that is available to his reach.

“I think we should order a pizza for dinner tonight,” He says after a few minutes of catching his breath. “So we can stay in bed and make love again.”

“Or, and hear me out. I put my dress back on, you get dressed and we go out for sushi with your cum dripping down my thighs. What do you think about that?”

“Shit, I missed you being a damn freak like that. Do I we get to have more fun tonight if I say yes?” He chuckles, then kisses my hand, “I still want you to ride me with my knife pointed at me some time tonight.”  

“Aren’t you scared I’m going to cut off a nipple or something.”

“You, with a knife? To be honest, cutting off my nipple is the least of my concerns. How do I know if this just isn’t a whole plan to lure me into complacency with sex and sushi, then you just murder me in my sleep.” He rolled onto his back and whined for a second, but got up. He put on a pair of khaki shorts and a black Metallica t-shirt as I got into my dress again.

“God damn woman, you are so fucking sexy.” He tells me as he opens the door on my side of the truck and leans down to kiss me again. As I climb up he give my butt a little tap just like he used to and closes the door for me. The ache I’ve been feeling these long months has subsided. Sitting across the cab from me, holding my hand, he asks if we want to go look at travel trailers this weekend. For the first time in a while, I feel like everything is going to be alright.

[meher-sumedha]

Gwynriel : She breaks up with one of us, she breaks up with all of us.

Over the last 3 months, Gwyn had grown very close with Elain. They even considered each other sisters. Elain had even started coming to training, but she had backed out after a week, for being a valkyrie, was not for her.

Elain and Azriel had also grown closer to each other. Even though, they had been dating since 3 months only, the had had sex. All thanks to the great Gwyneth Berdara, who had practically begged Rhysand to let them date each other.

Gwyn had promised Azriel that she would find out a way for him and Elain to date, she did. But, they still had to follow rhys' condition, that they could not date each other exclusively.

Elain still had to go to the day court to spend at least 3 days with Lucien, they had become good friends now, or as Rhysand thought.

Elain was, well, she had started to grow a liking for Lucien. She noticed that even though he was shy in front of the inner circle, he just wouldn't shut up in front of her. Elain knew there was some kind of relationship between Helion and Lucien, as they often went to the day court, but she didn't press on the matter. She was impressed about the amount of sarcastic jokes Lucien could make.

He told her his idol was "Chandler Bing", one of the characters from a human sitcom. He said he was the king of sarcasm, and after watching 10 seasons of the show, Elain too realized that. Every time Elain visited him, they watched at least one episode from the sitcom. And if they really really liked the episode, they would re watch it and would enact as characters. Elain had a lot of fun, especially as she could be herself around him.

She didn't have to pretend to like anything, and didn't have to do anything to impress him. Sometimes she would catch him staring at her during the sitcom, she never said anything, not until today :

"You're staring" She said, trying to stop the smile tugging at her lips, her eyes still on the television. Yet, from the corner of her eye she could see Lucien's cheeks had become the colour of his hair.

"Am not" He said, his voice sounding a little shy, which led to Elain chuckling a bit and looking at him, only to find he was still staring at her. They were currently watching the episode, "The one with the proposal" and both Chandler and Monica were on their knees.

Elain didn't back down from his stare, she kept looking at him. But she couldn't help glancing at his lips once or twice. They were sitting extremely close today for some reason.

And if they moved a bit closer, their lips would touch. Lucien was too staring at her lips now, and Monica was happy crying. Gods! He was looking good today. Elain knew she shouldn't do anything, that she was still in a relationship with Azriel, but she couldn't help but lean in slowly, and touch his lips with hers.

Elain started kissing him, but he didn't move, he didn't kiss her back, and just when she was gonna give up and move back, his hand strangled her hair and tilted her head in a way so that he could kiss her in a better manner.

Fireworks started exploding everywhere, Elain had never felt such a thing while kissing anyone, not even Azriel.

And that one kiss, had led to another and another and something else.

(Gwynriel starts from here)

And now, Elain was on her way to break up with Azriel. She'd been seeing Lucien since a month now, which meant only three days. But in those three days, she had never been happier, and she wanted nothing more, than to spend time with her mate.

With Azriel it had always been about him, what he liked. And Gwyn would always be the one to tell her that. What kind of flowers, instruments, sleeping positions, and whatnot Azriel liked. But Elain didn't find it creepy, as she knew Azriel and Gwyn were best friends.

But she always had the pressure of being with Azriel, it was like she was a puppet who had to do exactly as told. Now, she had had enough, and was gonna tell him, that she wants to break up.

Well not before telling Gwyn. Elain and Gwyn were sitting in the House of Wind's library. They were reading a book, Elain opened her mouth to speak a few times but then shut it.

Until she finally gathered the courage to speak, "I need to tell you something", "Okay" Gwyn replied, not looking up from her book. "I need you to be quiet about it", Gwyn looked at Elain and said, "When am I not?"

"Literally never" Elain said and Gwyn rolled her eyes. Elain continued, "I wanna break up with Azriel", "WHAT", "WAY TO BE QUIET" Elain shouted back and Gwyn took a long breath.

"Why do you wanna break up with Az?" Asked Gwyn after calming herself down. After Elain kept quiet for a few minutes, Gwyn finally understood, "oh, Oh, OH! YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH LUCIEN", "I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH LUCIEN", "THEN WHY DO YOU WANNA BREAK UP WITH AZ".

"BECAUSE I CAN'T-I CAN'T BE MYSELF AROUND HIM!." Gwyn opened her mouth but Elain continued, "ALL THE TIME GWYN, ALL THE FUCKING TIME! YOU'RE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO, WHAT HIS FAVOURITE THINGS ARE, WHAT HE LIKES TO DO! WELL I CAN'T DO ALL THAT, I CAN ONLY BE MY SHITTY SELF AROUND LUCIEN AND NOT AZ CAUSE I'VE GOT SO MUCH PRESSURE! FROM YOU, FROM NESTA, FROM RHYS AND WHAT NOT. IT'S-it's too much for me Gwyn, I-I'm sorry".

And then Elain left, leaving Gwyn with guilt of being a bad friend. Gwyn was upset, and when she thought she couldn't be more upset, she sensed the shadowsinger around her.

Azriel paced to his room, knowing that Gwyn was following him, he still slammed the door shut, and the tears he'd been fighting finally came loose.

Even though he slammed the door in her face, Gwyn still came in his room after a few minutes. He was sitting on the floor, with his back resting on the side of the bed.

Gwyn didn't know what to do, so she just sat on the floor, beside him. They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Gwyn noticed there was something in his hand that was resting on the floor. She took his hands, and opened its fist, only to see a ring box.

Gwyn gaped at the box and Azriel let out a dark chuckle, his sobs had stopped now. "You were going, to propose?" And Azriel chuckled once again, but that chuckle was muffled by a sob.

Gwyn didn't know how to react, "YOU'VE BEEN DATING FOR THREE MONTHS" Gwyn shouted at him, clearly angry and surprised by his stupidity. Azriel didn't say anything. He just brought the ring box closer to his chest, and opened it.

That ring. Gwyn could have sworn all the diamonds of the world were present in that ring. Azriel just took the ring out of the ring box, and looked at it, a sad smile on his face.

Gwyn just stared at the ring, not able to form any words. And then Azriel asked, "Do you think she would've liked it?" and offered it to Gwyn to look at. Gwyn was silent for a while and then said, "No" and Azriel chuckled.

"Why not?" He tried to be amusing, but his voice still broke. And then Gwyn looked at him with an emotion in her eyes, that even Azriel could not recognize, "Because if she loved you, she would never want such an expensive ring. She would want you to save money for your future with her instead".

And then Azriel smiled, a genuine smile, but a sad one. And then he said, "It was good while it lasted" while not breaking his eye contact with Gwyn, and then Gwyn repeated, "It was good while it lasted".

And then ice creams appeared at both their sides and they both chuckled, Gwyn opened hers and it was Belgium Chocolate. And Azriel opened his and it was Dark chocolate. The house also provided them with brownies to eat.

They both chuckled and sat there the entire night, stealing bites from each other's ice cream. And contemplating whose heart ache was worse :

"Well I lost a future wife" Azriel said and stole a bite of Gwyn's ice cream and mixed with his own. Gwyn tried to move away but he still got the bite anyway.

"Well I lost a friend". Azriel was not even listening to her at the moment, just trying to take bites of her ice cream.

He then took another bite and at this time, Gwyn didn't even try to move away, she just stole one bite of his ice cream and then made a face, "How can you eat such ice cream? It has no sugar!" which led to Azriel laugh, a full and real laugh. Gwyn just looked at him, and burst out laughing as well.

*It took me 2 hours to write this. It is currently 4am in the morning. ANYWAYS, hope you liked it. And I may not be online this month a lot as I have my mid terms coming up. ANYWAYS, this was ONE LONG headcanon, and I hope it fulfilled your quota. BUT, I hope y'all won't stop writing headcanons as I may not write any BUT I read ALOT. ANYWAYS, thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[marauders-venting]

Our Last Summer (Part 1)

pairing: wolfstar (sirius x remus)

genre: fluff & angst

warnings: none

words: 2267

note: based on the song ‘Our Last Summer’ by ABBA

a/n: this isn’t the whole thing but I haven’t finished it yet and it’s getting really long anyway so I decided to just post it in parts (i know it says fluff & angst and there’s no angst here but be patient it will come)

I can still recall our last summer, I still see it all. Walks along the Seine laughing in the rain, our last summer, memories that remain… I can still recall our last summer, I still see it all. In the tourist jam round the Notre Dame our last summer walking hand in hand

Sirius woke up smiling. Remus’ arm was still draped over him. He turned around and kissed him on the nose.

“Hey,” he whispered. “Are you awake?”

“I am now,” Remus groans.

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t be,” Remus says, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “I like waking up next to you.” Sirius’ smile widened.

“I like waking up next to you too,” he said. He kisses Remus softly before turning to grab his wand off his bedside table and Summoning two cups of tea. He hands one to Remus and then opens the drawer of his bedside table and pulls out a large packet of dark chocolate.

“Happy anniversary,” Sirius says, giving Remus the chocolate.

“Best present ever,” Remus says, taking a bite; Sirius can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or not.

“The day is just beginning,” he says, sipping his tea.

“Really? So what do you have planned?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Sirius says mysteriously.

---------

“No way,” Remus said, shaking his head. “There is no fucking way I’m getting on that death trap.”

“Yes you are,” Sirius said, taking his hand and pulling him closer to the motorcycle. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“No,” Remus said. “Why can’t we just Apparate? Or take a taxi?”

“What’s a taxi?” Sirius asked.

“I swear to god, I’ve already told you at least five times,” Remus says, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Well, it doesn’t matter because we’re riding my motorcycle,” Sirius said.

“Nope,” Remus said. “Not fucking happening.”

“Please,” Sirius pouted. “It’s not illegal, I have a license. And I promise I won’t fly. I’ll stay on the ground the whole time.” Remus still looked hesitant. “I even customised your helmet myself.” He pulled out a black helmet with ‘Moony’ written on the side in flaming block letters. It brought a little smile to Remus’ face.

“Ugh fine,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. “But this is a one-time thing.”

“Yeah, yeah, if you say so,” Sirius said. “Now come.” They climbed on the motorcycle and Remus wrapped his hands around Sirius’ waist. “Normally I would say hold on tight,” Sirius said, “but if you hold any tighter you might just squeeze me to death.”

“And if I don’t hold this tight I might just fall to my death,” Remus replied. “Now shut up and drive; I want to get this over with.”

And suddenly, they’re on the road and holy fuck Remus is terrified. He’s resting his head on Sirius’ shoulder watching the cars around them. He squints his eyes, trying to make everything appear blurry (hoping it’ll make this a little less terrifying) and yes, he’s afraid but he has to admit that the blur of lights from all the cars is actually quite beautiful. That is, until they climb on the highway and Sirius picks up the speed. Now it’s just terrifying. Remus closes his eyes and buries his head in the crook of Sirius’ neck. The smell of Sirius and the feel of his beating pulse calms Remus down a little. He knows Sirius wouldn’t suggest this if it was that dangerous; Sirius would never let anything bad happen to him.

Remus doesn’t open his eyes until he feels them slowing to a stop. When he does finally look around, he finds himself in the parking lot of what looks like a small park.

“Hey,” Sirius says, reaching a hand back and stroking Remus’ thigh. “Are you ok?”

“I’m alive, if that’s what you mean,” Remus says, letting go of Sirius so he can climb off the motorcycle. Sirius helps Remus down and takes his helmet.

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad, was it?”

“Yes, it was that fucking bad,” Remus says. “I’m never riding that thing again.”

“Hey, ‘that thing’ has a name, you know,” Sirius said, arms crossed.

“Right, sorry,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. “I’m never riding Elvendork again.”

“Wow, I can’t believe you actually remembered their name,” Sirius said, laughing.

“I can’t believe you actually named your motorcycle,” Remus said. “Now tell me what we’re doing here.”

“Come with me,” Sirius said, pulling him by the hand into the park.

“Where are we?” Remus asks, looking around.

“You’ll see,” Sirius said. He led Remus to the far end of the park where several bushes and trees made a hedge that seemed to show the end of the park. Sirius got on his hands and knees and pushed the plants out of his way as he crawled into the hedge.

“Are you serious right now?” Remus asked. As soon as the word was out of his mouth he regretted it.

“I’m always Sirius,” came the reply. “Now come on.” Remus sighed and crawled through the hedge. When he came out on the other side he saw Sirius sitting on the grass.

“What is this place?” Remus asked, looking around. If he was being honest, it looked like a little heaven. Everything was so green. The grass, the trees, the hedge they came through. It looked like something out of a painting. The colourful flowers from the trees littered the floor; Remus picked one up, walked over to Sirius and put it in his hair.

“I used to come here when I was a kid,” Sirius said, effectively surprising Remus. “I know hardly any of my stories start like that but when I was… 9, I think, my cousin Andromeda was 15. And one summer she came over to our house and she asked my parents if she could take me somewhere. I don’t know what lie she told them but whatever it was they bought it. She brought me here. She told me that a friend of hers at school had shown her this place. His dad was a park ranger and he used to come here all the time as a kid. It was just close enough to my house that we could walk here and we’d spend all day playing here. She even learnt how to use muggle money so she could buy us food.”

“The last time we did it was the year before I started Hogwarts. She was seventeen then. She showed me magic. It was incredible. She did all kinds of spells to make plants grow and stuff. It was awesome. I’d never seen magic so… raw before. It was beautiful. But then she ran away with Ted Tonks and got burnt off the tapestry so there was no way my parents would let me see her. But she wrote to me a few times to tell me to meet her here. That was how I met Ted for the first time. Turns out he was actually the one who showed Andie this place. And I met Nymphadora here as well. I used to come here alone sometimes too. I tried to bring Regulus with me once but he was scared we’d get caught. The only good memories from my childhood… they’re all from this place. I just wanted to show it to you. I mean, you took me to your childhood home but… I mean you’ve seen the Potters’ house a million times. But I guess I wasn’t really a child by the time I moved there. So I guess… I don’t know, I just wanted to share this with you.”

“Thank you,” Remus said, taking Sirius’ hand and pressing his lips to the back of his hand, “for bringing me here, I mean. This place is beautiful. Are you the only one who knows about it?”

“Oh, I doubt it,” Sirius said. “I mean, it’s not very visible but there’s no way that nobody else has ever found this place. But it was always empty whenever I came here. Which wasn’t that often I suppose.” Sirius flopped back onto the grass, dragging Remus with him. They lay on their backs looking at the sky, hands still clasped together.

“It looks like it’s going to rain,” Remus said. Sirius shrugged. It was true; the clouds had been dark all day and the smell of approaching downpour lingered in the air. But Sirius had been keeping his fingers crossed that the rain would wait until later tonight so that he could carry out his plans without any disruption.

“You hungry? We could go get some food if you want. There are muggle shops nearby. But you’ll have to handle the money cause I still have no clue how to do that.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, if Andromeda could learn I’m sure you can too,” Remus said, as they left their little garden of Eden. “Come on, I’ll teach you.” They walked down the street looking for a coffee shop or a food vendor nearby. They found a bakery selling sandwiches so they bought two, Remus bought tea, Sirius bought coffee, and they returned to the hidden corner of the park.

“Do you get how to use the money now?” Remus asked as they walked back.

“You’ve taught me a million times, Moony, it never sticks,” Sirius said. “You just have to resign yourself to the fact that your boyfriend is a dumb bitch, no matter how hot he is.”

“Oh don’t worry, I accepted your lack of intelligence and general common sense a long time ago, Pads,” Remus said, putting an arm around Sirius as they sat back down on the grass, pulling the sandwiches out of the paper bag and laying everything out on the floor in front of them.

“No, no, you’ve got it wrong,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “I am intelligent but I’m still a dumb bitch too.”

“You’re saying you’re an oxymoron?”

“Wait, I never say I was a moron—”

“No, not a moron, an oxymoron.”

“What does that mean?” Sirius asked.

“It’s like something that juxtaposes itself,” Remus said.

“Juxta-what now?” Sirius said. Remus rolled his eyes.

“You need to read more. It’s something that contradicts itself. Phrases like awfully nice or saying that someone was found missing.”

“Oh,” Sirius said. “So yeah, that’s what I’m saying. You’re so smart, Moony. You know so many big words.”

“Literally just pick up a book,” Remus said, laughing and kissing him softly. “I promise, it’ll do you wonders.”

“Why do I doubt that?”

“Because you’re an idiot.”

“Oh we’ve circled back to that now, have we?”

---------

That was how they spent most of the day. Talking, laughing, joking, kissing, lying on the grass. It seemed like the day really was going to be perfect. Until it started raining. At first, the drops were light and they weren’t bothered by it, but soon the rain became heavy and loud and they were both getting soaked. Remus didn’t mind getting wet; he had bigger worries on his mind.

“We’re not riding a motorcycle in the rain, are we?” Remus asked, his concern leaking through his voice.

“We can wait for the rain to stop if you like,” Sirius said. “Hey, you know, it’s actually good that we came here on Elvendork because we can cut through the traffic on our way home.”

“What? No, no, no, no, no,” Remus said, shaking his head. “There’s no way that’s safe.”

“It’s perfectly safe, Moony, I’ve done it a million times,” Sirius insisted. “Just keep your eyes closed like you did before. It was cuter like that anyway.” Remus felt himself blush.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said out of the blue. “I didn’t know it would rain.” He looked genuinely upset; Remus wasn’t sure why.

“Of course you didn’t know, Pads,” Remus laughed. “You can’t control the weather. Everything will be fine. We’ll just wait out the rain before riding home.”

“That’s not what I—” Sirius started, “never mind.”

“What is it?” Remus asked, covering Sirius’ hand with his own.

“I just… I wanted everything to be perfect today. I’m sorry I ruined our anniversary.”

“Ruin it? Sirius, what are you talking about? You didn’t ruin anything.”

“But… it’s raining,” Sirius said confused.

“Yes and? Rain is, like, the most romantic thing ever.”

“It is?”

“Once again,” Remus sighed, “I would like to reiterate how desperately you need to read a book.”

“Well, I’m sorry we can’t all be addicted to romance novels.”

“Oh shut up and kiss me.” Sirius laughs and lets his lips meet Remus’. They’re both drenched to the bone but neither one of them could care any less. Sirius’ hand brushes Remus’ cheek as he wraps his arms around Remus’ neck pulling him closer. Remus’ hands are on Sirius’ waist, and they slide down to his hips. Sirius’ shirt had ridden up a bit from lifting his hands to reach Remus’ neck and Remus’ fingertips brush Sirius’ bare skin — which is wet and slippery from the rain — making Sirius shiver and sigh. When they break apart, Sirius brings his lips to Remus’ ear.

“Besides,” he whispers, as Remus runs a hand through Sirius’ wet hair, “who needs romance novels when I’ve got the best romance story in the world.” Remus felt a flutter of pure happiness and smiled. He kissed Sirius’ jaw, right beneath his ear.

“Happy anniversary,” he whispered. Sirius sighed in response. They stand there in the rain, wrapped in each other’s arms, dancing slowly to the sound of the rain splashing and pattering on the leaves of the trees around them.

[multi-lefaiye]

OK SO I THINK SCOOB ONLY HAVING PARTIAL CYAN EYES MIGHT MEAN HIS CONNECTION TO CYAN IS IFFY? He does mention he cant maintain his Ballyhoo as long anymore, and he tells Shaggy he still doesn't have all his memories yet, so i think its just a case of it only being there rarely? We also do see that the blessing isn't an "on" or "off" thing, but that its a slider, so maybe that has something to do with it? I think its just a visual thing though, idk if we're gonna get anyone with like 25% of a blessing

I ALSO WANNA ADD SOMETHING THAT IM GENUINELY NOT SURE IS ME OVER-ANALYZING OR IS INTENTIONAL BUT THE LITTLE STAR SHAPE SHOWS UP SO MUCH? We see it first when Scoob uses his ballyhoo- Its even the thumbnail! but we also see it:

- chapt 45, the stars

- chapt 75, Power ends in a star when i think for patrick he just. disappears. Important to note that patrick just DIES when mickey has no gift, but gun man (IM SO BAD WITH NAMES) ends in a star. It hink Power only gained the ability to turn On when Mickey made the deal.

- chapt 75 again, the SFX have stars

- chapt 86, Shaggy 2's jumpcut has a little star

- 91, the tv has a star, also the stars in the sky

THERES PROBABLY MORE (i just glanced at the parts i remembered it), BUT I JUST REALLY NOTICED HOW COMMON OF A SHAPE IT IS IN THE SERIES. Maybe its just the artstyle, idk but it just stands out a LOT once you see it

Also in support of u and what characters r attractive ill go first. Shag and Gadget. Thats it thats the list. Im gay as hell. Also Gadget's eyes showing the "?" is peak design, ty for coming to my ted talk-

YEAH THAT MAKES SENSE!!! I think that's correct honestly--I definitely think that Scooby made a deal of some kind and that's what we're supposed to take from it, but 100% it seems the nature of it isn't the same as the other deals we've seen. At the very least, the fact that he's had his memories wiped is affecting it. Also, you have a good point about the slider--I think that's a really interesting detail tbh?? So there's a chance Scoob's slider isn't turned up all the way.

ALSO LISTEN OKAY OVERANALYSIS IS THE NAME OF THE GAME!!!! I think it's fair to say that a lot of what we've talked about doesn't have canon answers yet, but that doesn't mean we can't speculate!!! Also literally overanalyzing media is fun.

BUT YEAH THAT'S A REALLY INTERESTING THING TO POINT OUT.... I think it could be a part of the art style, but it's an interesting piece of symbolism to bring up again and again. I'm not sure of what I think the implication of this is yet, but if you have any other thoughts please absolutely send them my way.

Also thank you <3 I'm answering this before posting my list, but I hope you like it because I am unashamed in thinking this fucking comic has some really hot characters. Okay, that's a lie, I'm a LITTLE ashamed, but only in a joking way. Also you're SO FUCKING RIGHT... both of them are on the list <3 I remember when Gadget first showed up I messaged a bunch of my friends saying "IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR WHY'D THEY MAKE INSPECTOR GADGET HOT." So uh that's the that on that <3

EDIT: YOUR POINT ABOUT POWER IS ALSO MAKING ME THINK WAIT- Because yeah that is an interesting distinction!!!! Like... it seems the blessings from entities amplify whatever ballyhoo already exists in some way, so it’d make sense that THAT’S how Mick is so fucking powerful, to the point of having nothing that can counter him.

[drowningisinevitable-retired]

[meta] If you character were the champion or offspring of a mythological deity, which would it be and why?

[meta] You've posed me a question that I've literally spent days pondering in an attempt to get the answer just right, and I already know that I haven't, so this is going to be long. And ramble-y. And I apologize.

The idea of choosing any mythological deity is hard, so I decided to narrow it down a little bit. I'm sticking with Hellenistic mythology because that's what I know the best, but Celtic or Germanic would have also worked really well; after all, the Tuatha De Danann are often considered fae in this day and age, and the nix, from an etymological standpoint, is related to Germanic folklore. Still, I'm best with Greek mythology after going through that phase and still technically going through that phase, so here we gooooo.

I think, for starters, it's important to consider that, in Greek mythology, nymphs are already considered the children of deities. Often minor river deities, in the case of naiads, another name for nixies or freshwater nymphs. Many of the ones with names had cult-like followings in Ancient Greece, and, while not deities, they were seen as incredibly important. Many were the handmaidens of other goddesses, like Artemis, the goddess of the hunt.

So, the question of Mina being the offspring of a mythological deity is kind a given. Take your pick of any minor river god, and there were plenty of them. For big names, she wouldn't be the child of Poseidon; wrong type of water. Ares, as a god of war, might be a good choice for a hunter, but while strategic and, at times, militaristic in her line of thinking, Mina’s not warlike at all. Apollo, among many other things, was thought to be a god of truth and knowledge, as well as music, all things that Mina really values. She easily could have been the daughter of his and another nymph, and she might have spent her days laying by the river, playing the lyre and tricks on unsuspecting mortals that walked past her.

But... I don’t think she would have been the daughter of Apollo. I’m more inclined to just believe she was the daughter of some minor river god and be done with that because, at the end of the day, even though Mina’s devoted her life to her dad’s cause, paternity isn’t the most important thing about her; it’s what she’s chosen to do with her life. Mina isn’t the kind to stay still. She wouldn’t be good at just singing by the river for the rest of her many, many years. I think that she would have been the champion of a god that travels, that explores, that hunts. I suppose that what I’m saying is that I think Mina probably would have been one of Artemis’ handmaidens. Constant travel, constant hunting of beasts, constant company (something that she’d refuse to acknowledge she wants but is something that she desperately craves). There’s also the fact that hunting communities like that are things that she knows well, as is surviving out in the wild. 

So, yeah, That was very, very long, and I hope it made sense! As always, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[goldrockyroad]

i literally don’t make posts but here i am writing about chuang 2021 because i’m having thOUGHTS after watching ep 3.1. the names of the trainees that i’ve mentioned are italicised! 

omg where do i even start 

i don’t usually keep up and get this invested in these sort of shows and that’s coming from someone who’s been known since the og pd101 let’s start there i guess 

as a monster stage was literally made for hu yetao but can we pleASE talk about xue bayi man looked hella fine 

actually mans been looking (but more importantly!) performing super well but somehow always get shadowed (case in point: yall forgot he was also freestyling alongside santa x liu yu in ep 1.2 didn’t ya) 

coccoon break was a stage that i was really looking forward to seeing but it didn’t have that effect the way as a monster had 

but stellar nonetheless！

jing long nailed his parts and the high notes as expected from the kING  

gan wangxing’s performance was a pleasant surprise which is always great to see 

yu yang was a strong center mad props to him 

did not think i would pay attention to kazuma but he did really well

super heartwarming to see all the guys being so supportive of each other after this round (and for subsequent rounds!) 

now super champion vs lit (very not used to calling it that btw) 

man honestly rikimaru hard carried his team 

KING SHIT his performance my gOSH i honestly don’t understand how he didn’t get mvp like what were you thinking (as nice as it is to see yi han and ren yinpeng’s efforts pay off) 

yes this is the hill i will die on 

mannnn i really started seriously watching this show for rikimaru cuz i’ve been following him for years and i want good things for him! like when he got emotional over the fact that he will miss that team oh mannn i needed a moment 

liu yu choosing lit over any other song made the most sense considering his dance & preferred music style but he made it work towards what rikimaru was going for and he was great 

very interesting to see li luoer choose lit and honestly? he nailed it fr considering how he’s not much of a dancer 

now idk why the eng sub of super champion is put down as football gang but ok 

tencent with their questionable eng subs hit again 

tbh the groups who performed in ep 3.1 all choose stellar centers which (i personally believe) boosted their overall stages 

so super champion’s he yifan was no exception but all of them put up a really strong performance together even though they were up against one of the stronger groups in this round 

now butter-fly vs i like like you !!!!

ok first of all can we talk about bo yuan 

he’s literally the reason why i paid for a wetv membership so that i can vote for him 

[also can someone pLEASE tell me how to vote through wetv i litreally can’t get to anything and it’s stressing me out send help i need to vote for bo yuan why is he ranked at 46] 

yes but butter-fly stage was just good vibes fun times and i love that for them! 

the lightsticks made it 10x better than it already was 

bo yuan as a center didn’t seem to hard carry (in the actual performance not the preparation for it) as much as rikimaru did in lit which was nice! i felt like i got a chance to see everyone while he had extra moments to shine at the same time 

his hair is so frickin cool i love it i started ogling at it since the trailer from last ep and at first i didn’t know who it was so i was like ‘who’s that with the hair i ove it’ and when i found out i deadass screamed 

again why did he not get mvp mans was rOBBED of it 

but more importantly is robbed of the voTEs please vote for him [and teach me how to vote so that i can do it myself] 

k gotta move on from talking about bo yuan so 

i like like you was super sweet! i love how all their voices blended together in their harmonies just as much as their individual voices which are all different 

dai shaodong’s voice was breathtaking but the little rap in there was so nicely done! esp when zhou zhennan literally goes ‘during rehearsal the rap was like ‘i like you, and if you don’t like me back i’ll force you to like me’ (not actually what he said but idk how else to translate it) 

i’m so glad we got to hear more of rong yao !! (my biases are showing oh no)  

but yes! wow i did not think i would be saying this much about the performances alone but here i am lol! 

i’m having high hopes and much excites for the remaining performances they all look super cool!

ok thank you for coming to my ted talk it was hella long