#thanks for asking my uncle colin is very cool | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

luci-in-trenchcoats · 4 years

Text

A Place To Call Home: Dads

Summary: When the reader gets an offer to make some money on the side, things quickly evolve to Jensen learning about where some of the reader and TJ’s money has been going, namely TJ’s father. Jensen offers to help out but discovers that Rick might be up to something...

Masterlist

Square: A Place To Call Home

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 7,600ish

Warnings: language, angst (so much family angst), minor injury

A/N: Written for @supernatural-jackles Tell Me A Story Bingo. This part takes place after the Halloween timestamp. Enjoy!

______

“Thank you, Barry,” you said as he left the office at the brewery. Your head was still up when your dad slipped inside and he shut the door. “What’s up?”

“There’s a talent scout out in the draft room,” he said.

“Fascinating,” you said, going back to reading over a contract with a new distributor.

“Y/N they’re here to see you.” You turned in your seat and stared at him, breaking out into a giggle. “I’m serious.”

“This is by far your worst prank yet.”

“You modeled some of the new merch last week? He’s here for you,” he said.

“To what, model?” you scoffed. “No thank you.”

“Well can you go tell him that because he was insisting on hearing it from you,” he said. You sighed and walked out front, a guy in a suit with no tie on sipping from a glass. He smiled when he saw your dad behind you.

“Ms. Ackles,” he said, holding out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“It’s Mrs. Hanover,” you said with a friendly enough smile.

“You’re clearly used to some hard negotiations.”

“I’m tougher than I look Mr…”

“Elbridge but please call me Dan.”

“What can I do for you today, Dan?” you asked. He walked out to a quieter spot by the railing, settling at one ot the standing tables.

“I work for a talent agency, Mrs. Hanover. We’ve worked with your father a few times when he was starting out,” he said, your dad giving a nod. “We’ve seen your modeling pictures and we’re very interested in you doing a shoot.”

“I appreciate the offer but my answer is no. I’m not a model or an actress or any of the things my parents are besides someone invested in this brewery,” you said.

“She is a tough cookie,” he said as he looked at your dad. “I’m assuming you told her nothing I told you.”

“You gotta sell it on your own,” he said.

“Y/N, we’d like you to be in a commercial with some other women. An underwear commercial.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s a commercial for inclusivity for people with differences,” he said.

“He means the scar on your back, Y/N. From the accident,” said your dad.

“You’re exactly the kind of person we want included in the line. There’ll be a photo run of things too and-“

“Why exactly do you know I have a scar on my back?”

“Your Instagram. I assumed it was public knowledge.”

“Okay but it’s not even that big. Like it blends in. I’m boring. Get like, an amputee or a burn survivor. That’s inclusive. I’m average.”

“We have a vast array of women in the line including those types and all kinds of body types. But you’re...a brand name we could put to the project.”

“Brand name,” you said. He hummed and you laughed. “My dad? That’s a brand name, not me. Throw him in some underwear and I’m sure you’ll get all the attention you want.”

“Well we want you,” he said. He pulled out a business card and handed it over. “Our initial offer is on the back but we’re open to negotiations. Call us if you think you might be interested. Oh and the beer’s great.”

“Thanks,” you said, looking over the card. The guy had wandered off by the time you flipped it over.

“I told him you wouldn’t be interested,” said your dad, sipping from his bottle of water. You blinked at the card, your dad raising an eyebrow. “You’re not considering it are you?”

“Dad,” you said. You flipped the card around and showed it to him, water spitting out of his mouth.

“Hey, Dan,” he said, rushing back and waving him over. Dan smiled as he walked back, drink in his hand.

“I thought that’d-” said Dan before your dad got in his face. “Is there a problem?”

“What are you up to,” he said.

“Dad.”

“Y/N no one gets offered that much money off the street. No one. So I’m gonna ask again. What are you up to?”

“It’s for a package deal. A photo shoot. A commercial. Ad sponsorship for three months bi-weekly on her social media accounts. We’d also like her to design the set for the commercial. There’s a time crunch of next week so we felt a hundred was a fair offer for that amount of work on short notice,” said Dan. “If she were simply modeling, we’d offer her twenty five but this is our biggest line of the year. You are more than welcome to come along every step of the way.”

“Dan I really do appreciate the offer but I’m not a model. I don’t even remember the last time I wore makeup. I will happily design a set and build if you like and maybe I can do the ad thing but I’m not a model like my parents. Can I talk to my dad for a second?”

He nodded and walked off a ways, your dad sighing.

“Maybe mom could do it or something? She’s done that stuff before,” you said.

“I’m not gonna tell you what to do. Go for the set design for sure. You’re good at it and I know you get to break back into your architecture skills for that. But the rest...once you get on that train you can’t get off.”

“Dad, people already know who I am. I have like...an obnoxious number of followers on my accounts and stuff. My most popular posts? Always about you. I’ve never been in the shadows.”

“I know but that’s different than you doing these things. If you start taking pictures in underwear, you’re gonna attract at least a few weirdos and most of them are harmless but maybe some aren’t and there is a reason that Uncle Cliff still hangs out with me at certain times.”

“It’s a hundred thousand dollars. TJ and I could pay off the lawyer fees for Allie’s adoption finally,” you said. “We could get our mortgage payment down.”

“You’ve never cared about money,” he said. You pursed your lips and he narrowed his eyes. “Are things tight?”

“Dad.”

“Are they?”

“I don’t ask about your finances.”

“I sat down with both you and TJ when you bought the house and even with the renovation costs, your monthly payment was very affordable. Allie’s adoption should have been paid off months ago.”

“Do you stalk our spending now or what?” you shot back.

“Well you haven’t bought a new car or any big expenses. Where’s the money going?” he asked.

“I’ll take the set design and leave it at that,” you said. You brushed past him and over to Dan.

Thirty minutes later you had a signed contract and were back in your office, your dad grumbling as he walked inside.

“I’m busy,” you said.

“Where’s the money going, Y/N?”

“TJ and I make very good money,” you said, typing up an email. He leaned over the desk and narrowed his eyes. “I took the set design only for twenty. Happy?”

“Why do you need twenty thousand dollars?”

“Coming from the guy who made how much fucking money for a single freaking episode? At least I’m not slutting out my face,” you said. He stood back and slammed the door shut on his way out. You sighed and got up, finding him out back, splitting old pallets down. “Dad I’m sorry.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled.

“Dad. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“Yeah you did,” he said. “That is exactly why I didn’t want you doing that shoot. Then all you are is a pretty face.”

He moved a pallet and picked up the axe again, bringing it down in the center.

“Dad.”

“What?” he snapped as he spun around.

“I said it because I knew it’d make you mad and piss you off and get you to drop it. It’s the only reason I said it. Please stop asking about where my money goes. Please.”

“Are you in trouble?”

“Dad I said to stop asking.”

“Tough shit,” he said with a shrug. “Call me whatever you want. Maybe I get pissed off but I’ll cool off too. I know how much you make and I know how much he makes and I know you two have both been taking side jobs recently. You should have your house paid off by now, not barely making your mortgage. What’s going on and I want the truth.��

“I can’t.”

“What’s TJ involved in,” he said. You looked away and he nodded. “There are very few reasons why you wouldn’t tell me the truth and considering how small Allie and Colin are, he’s the only one I can think of.”

“I can’t.”

“Hey! There you are,” said TJ, walking around the corner with a bag in his hand. “I was out at a ranch nearby for work and figured we could have lunch together.”

“Speak of the little devil,” said your dad. He dropped the axe and TJ set the food on the hood of his truck, cocking his head.

“You okay, Jensen?” he asked.

“Peachy,” he said, putting his hands on his hips when he stopped in front of him. “So. Want to tell me what’s going on with your finances lately?”

TJ glanced to you and you shook your head.

“Nothing,” said TJ quietly.

“You want to try that again and not lie to me this time?” asked Jensen. TJ shook his head and your dad shut his eyes. “If you’re involved in something bad, let me help. I have money.”

“TJ just tell him,” you said. TJ sighed and picked up the food, walking over to the employee picnic area and sat down. You took a seat beside him and TJ handed you a wrapped burrito, your dad sitting across from him.

“I’m not angry. Let me help is all,” said your dad.

“It’s not us who’s in trouble,” said TJ. Your dad looked to you and you nodded. “It’s my dad.”

“Oh you two,” he said, shutting his eyes. “You’re paying off Rick’s debt he owes somebody, aren’t you.”

“Rick owes money to a bookie and...he beat him up kinda bad and we have extra so…” you said, your dad staring at you. “He asked us not to tell anyone.”

“How much?” he asked.

“Five...hundred,” said TJ.

“Five hundred thousand?” he asked, your heads nodding. “Five hundred thousand? What...how much have you given him already?”

“About half,” said TJ. Your dad shook his head and put his hands over his face, quickly pulling them off. “I know it’s a lot.”

“Yeah…” he said, swallowing to himself.

“We got it covered. Really. At the rate we’re doing extra side work-”

“Kids...you’re both so kind I think you missed something pretty important,” said your dad.

“I don’t understand,” said TJ. He looked to you and you shrugged.

“Guys that’s a lot of money. That’s...an extraordinary amount of money to a lot of people. How on earth does your father owe that much money all of a sudden?” asked your dad.

“He made some bets he lost on,” said TJ.

“But how could it be that much. What was the original bet?”

“What?”

“What was the original bet he made and lost on?”

“I don’t know. We figured it must have been like a hundred.”

“So your father bet a hundred, say he lost. That’s two hundred. Say he got some insane interest on it. Okay. Maybe, maybe he truly owes that much. But where did he get that original one hundred?”

“He didn’t have it,” said TJ. “We think.”

“Okay. He bet badly and ends up owing the whole thing,” he said.

“Exactly.”

“Do you give this money to Rick or the bookie?” asked your dad.

“My dad. He didn’t want us to get involved with the guy,” said TJ.

“Okay,” said your dad. “Here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna drive up to your folks this afternoon TJ and talk to your dad, see what’s left he owes. I will pay the rest.”

“Jensen that’s a lot of money.”

“I know it is. But it’s better to get him out of the hole quickly before something were to happen and I can afford it. Okay? I’m gonna head up. You two enjoy your lunch. I’ll be home in a few hours.”

Something was off about him as he stood and left but you weren’t quite sure what was wrong.

“My dad’s gonna be pissed. He didn’t want Jensen to know at all,” said TJ.

“He wants to help. He’s got a point. The quicker it’s paid off, the quicker your dad’s out of danger. Let’s have lunch and you can tell me about that ranch you’re fixing up.”

“Arrow,” you grumbled that night as she reached for the hot pan. “Let it cool off.”

“Why are we having dinner at your house?” she asked. “No offense but you can only cook like five things.”

“Would you like to cook dinner for seven?” you asked. She held up her hands and you rolled your eyes.

“To be fair, Colin still eats baby food,” she said.

“Thank you for volunteering to feed your nephew,” you said with a grin.

“I didn’t-”

“Ro!” he said as he waddled into the kitchen, wrapping her legs up in a hug.

“I hate you,” she said, narrowing her eyes before she picked him up.

“Thank you Arrow,” you said as she put him on her hip. “He’s got dinner in the fridge if you wouldn’t mind?”

“I got it,” she said, opening it up one handed. “Mom and dad have some last minute thing or something?”

“I don’t know,” you said, your phone ringing, Jared’s name popping up. “Can you get that?”

“Hey Uncle Jared,” she said, hitting it on speaker.

“Arrow? Hey you mind finding your sister for me?” he asked.

“She’s busy making dinner. Apparently it’s very difficult.”

“I’m here Jared,” you said. You grabbed the phone and shoved it between your shoulder and ear. “What’s up?”

“Don’t freak out,” he said. “But come outside.”

You turned down the heat on the stove and went out the front door, finding Jared on the seat out front.

“Uh, what’s up?” you asked, pulling the door shut behind you. “This is weird.”

“Your dad may have...listen. Shit went down when Jensen went up to see TJ’s dad whatever his fuckface name is.”

“Jared.”

“Oh you’re about to call him fuckface too.”

“What happened?”

“Well...he had a bad feeling about this whole thing. He and De went up there to talk to them. Things aren’t...your dad’s in the hospital.”

“What?” you said quietly. He stood up and gave you a smile, pulling you into a hug.

“It’s okay. He got a little cut when he got...pushed,” he said.

“Jared,” said TJ, stepping outside with a curious look. “What’s up dude?”

“Normally being the Uncle is the fun stuff,” he said. TJ frowned when you both saw a cop car pull into your driveway, Cody getting out. “Codes.”

“Dad, I got this,” he said as he hopped up on the porch. You smiled and looked back at TJ. “Oh shut up. I got adopted like six months ago. I might as well.”

“What exactly is happening?” asked TJ.

“Dad,” said Cody again. Jared sat back in the seat, Cody sighing. “TJ...dude I’m sorry. You’re like my brother.”

“Did my...did something happen to my parents,” he said quietly, Cody’s head shaking. “Oh.”

“Rick’s been stealing money from you. There’s no bookie to pay off. Jensen and De went up today to talk to him and they found out the truth and your dad’s got in a fist fight and you guys ought to head up North. It’s not my jurisdiction so I’m not much help.”

“My father did what?” said TJ. Cody glanced at you and you looked down. “That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is,” he said. “TJ the police from your hometown looked into it. He took the money. He’s claiming it was a gift from the two of you but we all know that’s not true.”

“No, he’s been making progress. We’ve been making progress. We’ve been getting along really well,” said TJ.

“Did that start when you started giving him money?” asked Cody.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m just saying what I know as a cop. Did your relationship start changing when money started exchanging hands?”

“Why does he hate me,” said TJ. You grabbed his hand and he shut his eyes. “He must hate me. That’s the only reason I can see why he would do something like that.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” you said.

“He hates you and Jensen. He thinks De is eye candy to stare at. I don’t know how on earth he can pretend to like me,” he said.

“TJ,” said Jared.

“You gonna tell me he loves me or some shit? It’s not good enough,” said TJ.

“I was gonna say you can cut him out of your life if you want to and you’re still gonna have a dad you know. I don’t understand him. I do think he loves you but there’s some resentment towards everyone else you call family. I don’t know why but it’s your choice what you want to do. I’m gonna go inside and finish cooking dinner and we’ll watch all of them tonight. Y/N-”

“I got him,” you said with a nod.

Ten minutes later you were on the road and driving, TJ staring out the passenger window.

“Honey-”

“Don’t,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. You reached over and grabbed his hand, TJ squeezing it. “We’re going to my parents house after and we’re packing up as much crap as we can to bring back. I’m never speaking to him again after tonight.”

“TJ.”

“All the late hours I put in doing side jobs. All the jobs you’ve been doing for set design on the weekends. For months and months we’ve been doing it. Straight into his fucking pocket. We could have paid off the house with that money. Paid off bills. That’s our money. It’s our kids money. It’s not some sack of shit’s to go buy whatever he wants with. I could fucking kill him.”

“We’ll get it back,” you said.

“It’s not about the money.”

“I know, babe,” you said.

“Why is he like that?”

“It’s not an excuse but I think he was raised very poorly and he doesn’t...he knows it’s wrong but I think he thinks we have so much it’s okay if he takes from us.”

“He took two hundred and fifty thousand dollars from us. A year of side jobs for the both of us on top of everything else. We sleep four hours a night. We weren’t handed that. We worked for it. We worked our asses off. All that pressure and all the pressure we thought somebody would hurt him if we were late with money? I can’t believe I ever gave a shit about him. I should have trusted you. You’ve never liked him. No one in your family did. Even Arrow and that kid loves everybody. I should have trusted you guys.”

“TJ they didn’t like him because of the way he treated you, not me. I knew he was a dick when I met him but he belittles you, so, so much. We hate that he does that to you.”

“I don’t know how my mom is married to someone like him.”

“Don’t cut her out,” you said. “She raised you. You’re all her. Anyone who meets you can see that.”

“He’s going to lie when I see him again. I don’t know what to do,” he said.

“Why?” you asked.

“Because.” You pulled over and he sat back in his seat. He turned his head and you saw all the tears streaming down his face.

“Honey,” you said. You leaned over and hugged him, TJ gripping you back.

“He’d kick my ass for crying right now.”

“Who was it that sat up with my dad after the accident and let him cry all over him? My dad who hates to cry and he’s not afraid to cry in front of you.”

“He’s strong. I’m not.”

“You’re my best friend. The girl who thought she was so fucked up and would be alone. God, Thomas. You gave me something even my parents and family couldn’t. You know how I never thought in a million years I could have this kind of love and you were never scared. The insecurities. The nightmares. The days where I’m quiet and my head gets to me. You just grab my hand and you make it better. You’re stronger than most everyone on this planet. I love and I’ve loved you since I met you and I’ll do anything for you, you know that. We’re partners. If you want to give your dad another chance you can and I won’t question it for a second.”

“I don’t want to talk to him again,” he said, sitting up somewhat. “But how do I say that when you didn’t get a choice? You didn’t get a choice with your parents. They were just gone and you had no say. How can I just walk away like that?”

“My parents didn’t treat me like the way your father does. Neither of my moms or dads ever have. You can walk away from someone that does, TJ. I don’t want you near someone like that. Jared was right too you know. You’re not gonna lose a dad tonight. You’ve always had one and he’s gonna be there for you always.”

“He hurt Jensen, didn’t he?” he sniffled.

“I’m sure he's fine. He’s very...defensive of his children is all.”

“Jensen gave me a letter,” he said. “Addressed to me. That’s when I really knew he loved me.”

“He loved you before that.”

“I know he did. I don’t know why I wanted my dad when I’ve had Jensen the whole time.”

“I’ve been there. Trust me,” you said. He let out a small laugh and you hugged him, TJ taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry Rick hurt you.”

“He hurt both of us.”

“Yeah but I care more about the fact he hurt you. I may deck him when I see him,” you said.

“That’d be kinda awesome,” he said. “But please don’t.”

“Hugs instead?” you said.

“I’ll take hugs,” he said. His stomach grumbled and you kiss his temple.

“I’m gonna hit the drive thru and then we’ll get on the road again, okay honey?”

“Okay,” he said. You kissed him one last time before you got out of the car and dug around in the trunk. You took out your oversized hoodie and brought it up to the front, handing it to him. “What’s this?”

“You can steal it if you want. Your hoodie’s kinda make me feel better on crappy days,” you said.

“Thanks,” he said. “I really love you.”

“Me too. It’s gonna be okay.”

One Hour Later

“Let’s go to the hospital first,” said TJ as you hit the edge of town.

“Jared said my dad was fine.”

“Y/N. Let’s go to the hospital,” he said. You nodded and about ten minutes later you were parked and getting a room number. He held your hand on the elevator ride up, kissing the top of your head. “You alright?”

“I’d prefer if he could stay out of the hospital.”

“Me too,” he said, the doors opening. You walked a little too quickly until you found the room, your mom and dad talking as you walked in.

“What are you two doing here?” he asked.

“Jared and Cody came by and we learned some stuff,” you said. “Why are you in the hospital? You look...normal.”

“Your father hit his head.”

“I’m fine.”

“After the accident last year-”

“It was nearly a year ago.”

“After the accident they wanted to be safe and monitor overnight just in case. He got a cut on his arm from some metal but that’s all,” said your mom.

“I’m fine,” said your dad. He got up out of bed and spun around. “See? No concussion. An itty bitty scratch is all you worry worts.”

“Was there a fight?” you asked. He sat down and sighed. “You don’t look like it.”

“No,” he said. He looked at TJ and pursed his lips. “TJ would you mind grabbing me a drink from the vending machine?”

“Whatever you want to say, you’re gonna say it in front of me,” he said.

“Mom and I went up to your parents place and it started out okay. But your mom didn’t quite understand what was going on. She thought Rick had been doing well betting horses at a track and that’s where the sudden money came from. Things...devolved from there and Rick got defensive and I was angry so we started arguing and he shoved me and your mom and De shut it down and the cops came and I’m sorry but he took the money for himself. Last we heard from your mom a little while ago she’s giving all the money back to you guys.”

“You pressing charges?” asked TJ.

“It was a shove. He didn’t take my money. You two are the ones that have a right to charge him,” he said.

“Do you know where my mom is?” asked TJ.

“She’s at your house along with your dad,” he said.

“Y/N why don’t you hang here with your parents,” said TJ. You shook your head and he frowned. “You’re worried about your dad. Stay.”

“He’s okay and I’m coming with you,” you said.

“Me too,” said your mom.

“De-”

“TJ. You’re not gonna win this one,” she said. “Jensen’s okay on his own for a bit and he’d come if he could. You’re not gonna go talk to your dad alone.”

“Fine. Let’s go,” he said, already leaving the room. Your mom grabbed her purse and you ran your hands over your face.

“Go take care of him,” said your dad quietly.

“Dad.” You walked in front of him and he wrapped his arms around you. “He’s gonna be fucked up.”

“I know. We’ll take care of him,” he said. He kissed your temple and pushed you towards the door gently. “Go take care of your husband.”

“We’ll be back.”

“Guys I think maybe I should go in first,” said your mom a short while later, the three of you parked in his parent’s driveway.

“No,” said TJ.

“Thomas.”

“Danneel,” he said. He turned in the passenger seat and she sighed. “I’m a big boy. I can go in first.”

“Don’t be violent.”

“I won’t,” he said quietly. She kissed his cheek and nodded.

“Okay sweetie. Let’s get this over with,” she said. You got out and took his hand, TJ not as tense as you were expecting.

“His car isn’t here,” he said quietly on the way up the porch steps. He rang the doorbell and the door flew open, his mom standing there. “Hi mom.”

“I kicked him out for the night,” she said, letting the door open for the three of you. “I’m so sorry. Danneel is Jensen-”

“He’s pissed but fine,” said your mom, following you inside. TJ walked around for a moment, stopping at a picture on the wall.

“Mom. Why does dad hate me?” he asked. He looked over his shoulder and she frowned. “He manipulated me and Y/N. He’s horrible to her family. I get that he went through something as a kid but he’s a grown man.”

“Your father loves you. He doesn’t always know the best way to show it,” she said.

“He hurt me and you’re gonna side with him. Again,” he said.

“He made a mistake.”

“Hell of a mistake,” you mumbled.

“Do you think he wants to be the way he is?” she asked.

“I could have gotten past everything before but this? He doesn’t get to worm his way out of it. I’m done with him.”

“Then you’re gonna be done with me too,” she said. TJ turned around and she lifted her chin. “He doesn’t deserve to thrown out of your life over a mistake.”

“I seem to recall you not saying a word when he almost hit your grandaughter with a belt,” said TJ. “Why do you make excuses for him?”

“Why do you hate him?” she asked. TJ threw up his hands and shook his head. “Always since you were a little boy you’ve hated him.”

“He didn’t want me, not the other way around. I know he worked a lot but all I wanted when he came home at night was a hug or a bedtime story. I wasn’t asking for much,” said TJ. “He resented me.”

“He put in all those long hours for you, to provide for you.”

“I’ve been working since I was fourteen. I paid for my own things from the second I was able to. I paid for school all on my own. My apartment. My car. I paid for my wedding and honeymoon. He paid for food and roof over my head which is the bare minimum he could have done. Don’t tell me he provided for me. He fucking hated me.”

“Because you’re not his,” she said. You and your mom looked at one another, TJ blinking where he stood. “Rick isn’t your father.”

“Excuse me?”

“I cheated on your father because he can be an asshole and I needed an escape. He found out when I was pregnant.”

“Excuse me?” asked TJ again.

“He never wanted children because he thought he’d be a bad father. I guess he was right in your mind,” she said.

“If you’re gonna tell the story, you might as well tell the whole thing,” said Rick. He stepped out from down the hall, TJ’s mom sighing.

“So you are here,” said TJ.

“Car’s in the shop,” he said.

“You hate me?”

“I love you. It doesn’t mean I’m a good person though,” he said.

“You stole from us.”

“Yes I did.”

“Why?”

“This house is the size of your living room. You have so much.”

“If you wanted money just fucking ask,” said TJ.

“Like I said, just cause I love you doesn’t mean I’m a good person.”

“You’re not even my father apparently.”

“I’m your father,” he said. “Didn’t make ya but I’m your father.”

“What’s the story?” asked your mom. They all looked to her and she looked at TJ’s mom. “What don’t we know.”

“You ever wonder how someone like me wound up with someone like your mother? We’re polar opposites most days,” said Rick. TJ narrowed his eyes and looked between them.

“Don’t tell him,” said his mom.

“Alright,” said Rick. “I must have been mistaken.”

“TJ, can I talk to you,” you said, pulling him into the kitchen. “TJ do you remember in family studies when we had that project to track our family trees and you found your parents marriage certificate and the year was wrong?”

“Y/N what’s that got to do with anything.”

“What if the year wasn’t wrong.”

“It can’t be. They would have gotten married after I was born then.”

“TJ I’m not saying your dad is great but he just lied for your mom. He loves her. Something happened before you were born or after. I have this feeling that she didn’t cheat on him.”

“What are you saying?”

“Maybe I’m wrong but maybe your mom was in a bad situation and Rick stepped in to help because of her.”

“Rick,” said TJ, very quickly exiting back to the family room. “When did you meet my mom. If you ever want to speak to me again, if you want me to speak to her again, you’ll tell me the truth.”

Rick glanced to TJ’s mom, TJ smirking.

“You do care about her.”

“Of course I fucking care about her. I care about you too.”

“That’s great. I feel very cared for,” said TJ. Rick pursed his lips and his mom nodded. “Truth or I walk out that door and never come back.”

“I was married,” said TJ’s mom. “He was charming until he wasn’t. I got pregnant with you and you were born and he would get so angry at you for being a simple baby and crying and...I was so scared of him hurting you that I left. I had nothing and I stayed with a friend for a few days. I met Rick through them and he offered us a safe place to stay with him. It was only supposed to be short term but things developed. He is not perfect but he’s not the monster you think he is. We are safe and the reason you have all you do well and truly is because of him.”

“Do you have anything to say?” asked TJ quietly.

“I loved your mother before I loved you, that’s true. But I learned and I’ve done my best. You were far better off without me in your life. Look at what you have. You’d be angry and bitter if I had more of a hand in raising you. So you can hate me but you do not hurt your mother like that. You do not walk away from her after everything she has done for you. Understand me?”

“I need space from you,” said TJ, Rick nodding. “I also need something else.”

“What?”

“I still don’t understand why you took the money if you weren’t going to spend it.”

“Was gonna impress you, turn a profit on it, give it back with interest. Be like her father, give you some money for once.”

“Jensen doesn’t impress me because of money. Yes, their family doesn’t have to think twice about the cost of most anything. But Jensen, De, they don’t impress me for any reason other than how kind they’ve been to me. They treat me like their son, like I’m their own. They don’t pretend to. They don’t tolerate me for Y/N. They genuinely care about me, all because I fell in love with their daughter, a girl that’s not even theirs and they love her to death. The house is nice. The wedding was nice and so are the vacations. But I could live in a cardboard box and be happy if all I ever got was their kindness. They never made me work for it. They just gave it to me. You could have just given it to me and I would have been a happier kid. But you didn’t and now you have to work for it on my terms. So I want our money back and I want some space from you. If and when I’m ready to talk to you again, I’ll reach out. Alright?”

“Okay,” he said. TJ crossed his arms and nodded before he went outside. His mom followed after and you gave Rick a look. He pulled out his phone and tapped on it for a few moments before shoving it in his pocket. “It says it’s pending for that big of a transfer. It should be back in your account in a few days.”

“Oh I’ll make sure of that,” you said, walking over to him. “Rick. Maybe try some therapy if you really want to salvage this relationship.”

“You think I can afford that?” he said.

“We’ll pay,” said your mom. “Jensen and I will.”

“Why?”

“Cause he’s a fucking awesome kid and he deserves a relationship with you, even if we don’t like you,” she said.

“What about you? You hate me too kid?” he asked you.

“I can learn to tolerate and respect you. But you hurt him and I’ll protect him from anyone that does that, including you. But it’s not my forgiveness you need. It’s his so maybe try the therapy and let him come back if he’s ever ready for that, okay?”

“Alright.” You turned to go when he caught your shoulder. “Can I ask where the money came from? Jensen made it sound like you were behind on bills.”

“It made things tight for us. TJ and I have both been working side jobs nights and weekends to scrounge up extra money. We weren’t handed any of that money we gave you. We even took from ourselves and our children. Just because we live in a nice house doesn’t mean we don’t work for it,” you said. “Oh and one more thing. Touch my father again or call my mom slutty behind her back one more time, you’ll find out which one of us isn’t the good person in this relationship.”

“He what…” said your mom as you walked out, pulling her along behind you. “Dickhead!”

“Come on mom,” you said, pushing her back to the car. TJ gave his mom a nod and hug before he climbed back into the backseat.

“Slut my ass,” your mom mumbled under breath as she started the car back up.

“Mom, let it go,” you said, shutting your eyes and slumping down in your seat.

“Put on your seatbelt,” she said. You reached up and put it on, turning back to catch TJ with his head leaned back. “You okay back there?”

“I don’t know,” he said.

“That’s probably the right answer,” you said.

“Let’s get back to dad. I’m sure he’s climbing the walls to get out of there by now.”

Two Days Later

“Howdy,” said your dad, taking a seat in the patio chair beside you as you watched TJ swim in your pool with Allie. “Where’s the babe?”

“Naptime,” you said, TJ tossing Allie up in the air and hugging her tight when he caught her again.

“How’s he holding up?” he asked, reaching over and taking a chip out of the bag in front of you.

“Better than expected. He’ll give Rick another chance someday.”

“He said that?”

“No. I know Thomas though. He’s too good to hold onto that crap. It might not be for six months or a year but it’ll happen eventually.”

“Well I think he’s a dick,” said your dad. “But if TJ wants to give him a chance, we’ll give him a chance.”

“Thanks for being his dad too,” you said.

“I love the kid,” he said, throwing his arm over your shoulders. “So what are you two gonna do with all that money?”

“Pay off the last of the lawyer fees, pay off a big chunk of what’s left on the mortgage. When that set design comes in then we won’t owe too much more on the house,” you said. “Speaking of which, I gotta go to work on it.”

“Y/N? Use some of that money and take a nice vacation with the kids. Or even just a long weekend away for you and TJ.”

“We really ought to use it for stuff like the house,” you said.

“Have you and TJ ever taken a vacation just the two of you?”

“Of course. We went on our honeymoon.”

“That doesn’t count. The answer’s no, isn’t it.”

“Dad, I don’t need-”

“Maybe you don’t but somebody in that pool needs to have some fun. Plan a little trip away next month,” he said.

“He’s always wanted to go to Mardi Gras,” you said with a smile.

“You guys would have a blast and I got some pull down there and all. Come on. Let me spoil my grandkids for a weekend.”

“Alright, alright. You’ve convinced me,” you said.

“You mind if the twins have dinner with you guys?”

“We’re actually going to the Pads for dinner. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind more though. You got a hot date?”

“Getting a private college tour with mom and JJ,” he said. “Ya’ll can stop growing up anytime you want you know.”

“She wants to live at home you know.”

“Really?”

“Contrary to her teenage angst as of late, she does love us. Just you know, drop the curfew like you did with me.”

“And we get texts when you stay out.”

“That’s what you thought,” you mumbled. He raised an eyebrow and you shrugged. “I let you know when I wouldn’t be home that night. You didn’t need to know my exact whereabouts.”

“When’s the first time you stayed over TJ’s?”

“Fall of Freshman year in his dorm,” you said.

“Never mind. I don’t need to know,” he said.

“Yup. Let her have fun when she gets there, she’s smart,” you said. “Plus you know she’ll call me if shit happens. Also she has a year and a half of high school left. Relax.”

“At least I know Tom will keep an eye on her too.”

“Already planning the wedding?” you smirked.

“Shut up,” he said, ruffling your hair. “Make sure he gets this.”

He dug into his back pocket and took out an envelope, handing it to you.

“Thanks,” you said quietly. “Dad?”

“Mhm,” he said as he stood.

“Can you invite him on your fishing trip this weekend with grandpa?”

“Already did,” he said, nodding down at the envelope. “I’ll talk to you soon, tall munchkin.”

“Later dad,” you said, TJ giving him a wave as he headed out. You left the letter on the patio table and went over to the pool, slipping into the shallow end.

“Everything good?” he asked.

“Yeah. My dad left you a letter,” you said, Allie swimming off on her own, doing circles around TJ. He nodded and got out of the pool, drying off some before he went to the table and sat down. “Time for a snack.”

You scooped her up and swung her around in the water, throwing her up your hip. You walked out with her, setting her down to dry her off some.

“Is daddy okay?” she asked.

“Yeah,” you said. “Why don’t you change back into some clothes and we’ll get Colin and snack time going.”

She rushed over to TJ and smiled up at him, TJ tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Daddy snack time!” she said.

“I’ll be inside in just a minute, sweetie,” he said. He leaned over and kissed her head, pushing her back towards you. You patted her inside, TJ rubbing his thumb over his lip as he read.

“Take your time, babe,” you said. You kissed his cheek and he nodded. “I’ll leave some tissues just inside the door in case.”

“Thanks,” he said. “Give me five minutes and I’ll be there.”

“Take all the time you need. I got these two,” you said. He nodded and smiled. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Y/N.”

_________

A/N: Read the First Summer Timestamp here!

#supernatural #tell me a story bingo #spn #jensen ackles #jensen x daughter!reader #rpf #au #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #jensen x

276 notes · View notes

pluckyredhead · 4 years

Text

wip amnesty: super sons fake dating (but different)

So while I was working on It Wouldn’t Be Make Believe (If You Believed In Me), my brain abruptly gave me a completely different Super Sons fake dating scenario, insisted that I write two scenes, and then abandoned me entirely. There is like a 1% chance that I will ever finish this so instead I offer it up to you, my very patient friends. (Don’t worry, I have different Jon/Damian fics planned!)

Also, this completely ignores the Bendis run, because...well, you know why. SIGH.

Damian cast a weary eye over the guests assembled at the gala, the latest tribute of the Gotham elite to their own wealth and frivolity. He wasn’t even sure what this one was ostensibly raising money for, but he had a feeling most of that money had gone into the refreshments and entertainment rather than the intended charitable recipients.

He hated these things, but Father was in space with the Justice League, Richard was undercover, Drake was on Earth-3, and Todd was just generally unsuitable for public consumption. Once again it fell to Damian, as the heir to the Wayne name, to carry the entire family on his shoulders. He usually didn’t mind, except when it took the form of wearing a tuxedo and making small talk with empty-headed socialites.

Maybe the Riddler or someone would show up and try to steal everyone’s jewelry. That would be a pleasing diversion.

He saw Gracie Van Nuyck, daughter of one of the few Gotham families older than the Waynes, making her way over to him and quickly took out his phone. He was meant to be the latest irresponsible Wayne playboy; he could be rude and spend a whole party texting and not talking to anyone as long as he kept a stupid expression on his face.

He already had a few texts from Jon, he saw when he unlocked his phone.

giant kraken attacking honolulu

titans & i r teleporting over

u in?

Damian clicked his tongue.

I know you’re overriding your autocorrected capitalization to irritate me.

And I can’t. I have to attend this gala.

sucks 2 b u 🐟 🐠 🐬

“Damian Wayne.” Gracie had not been put off by his texting - in fact, she had her own phone in her hand. Damian dimly remembered that she’d once told him she was an “influencer.” She had influenced him pretty strongly to get as far away from her as possible, so he supposed she was good at what she did. “Look at you, all dressed up and looking like a snack.”

“Gracie,” he said. “Nice to see you.” He did not attempt to make it convincing, or glance up from his phone more than briefly.

Trust me, I’m aware. Everyone here is an imbecile and none of the hors d'oeuvres are vegetarian.

“Do you like my dress?” Gracie asked, giving a little twirl.

“Lovely.” Damian did not have Richard’s ability to give genuine compliments, or even Father’s ability to fake them well. It didn’t deter Gracie in the slightest.

“I have a proposition for you, you beautiful boy,” she said.

“I’m the same age as you.”

that blows. what about the orderbs?

Damian fought a smile. I also know you know how hors d’oeuvres is pronounced.

😂 😂 😉

“What’s that smile for?” Gracie asked.

Damian forced his facial expression back to neutral. “What’s your proposition?”

She held up her hands like she was illuminating a marquee. “Gotham’s new dream couple: Dacie. Or we could be Gramian, I guess, but that sounds horrible.”

“Excuse me?”

“You and me, joining forces,” she said. “Me and my millions and my beautiful body, you and your millions and your beautiful body...we’d be the toast of the glitterati.”

“You want to date me,” Damian said, flatly, disbelievingly. This was what Father and Richard’s inability to resist a pretty face had brought him to: being literally propositioned at parties by socialites who thought every Wayne was an easy mark.

“I want to date you,” she agreed. “It must be your lucky day. Well, night.”

Damian stared at her for a long moment, just enough to let it become uncomfortable. “No,” he said finally, and turned back to his phone.

once weve kicked this things ass i bet i can bring u some shave ice before it melts

Bring the kraken instead. It can eat everyone here.

“No?” Gracie repeated.

“No, thank you,” Damian said, as a sop to good manners.

He glanced up. She looked bewildered. It might be the first time she’d ever been told no in her life. “Why not?”

“I’m seeing someone,” he said. Totally untrue, but a reason she couldn’t argue with.

Not that she didn’t try. “Oh? Who’s the lucky girl?” she asked, her expression calculating.

Damian raised an eyebrow. “Not sure why you would assume pronouns,” he said, more to wrong foot her than anything else, though it was true that gender didn’t make much difference to him. He disliked most people equally.

Her eyes widened before she recovered herself. “My apologies,” she said. “Do I know...uh, them?”

Damian’s phone buzzed in his hand. It was a selfie of Jon, with Billy and Lian pulling faces behind him and a tentacle snaking through the air above their heads. Idiots. He fought another smile.

Stop taking selfies before you get drowned.

“It’s a long distance relationship,” he said. The last thing he needed was Gracie tracking down Colin or Maya or someone and pestering them.

no its cool we made friends with it

i gave it ur shave ice

sorry

“Oh?” Gracie asked. “Where do they live?”

Out of the corner of his eye Damian could see that she seemed to be on her phone too, so he felt even less bad about ignoring her. “Metropolis,” he said, because it was the first city he thought of. You traitor, he texted Jon.

“Innnteresting,” she said. “Well, it was worth a shot. See you around, hot stuff.” She brushed a kiss in the air near his cheek and sauntered off.

Damian blinked. That had been...relatively painless. Maybe the whole night would go by so quickly and easily.

He checked the time. Three and a half hours to go.

Tt.

Jon had heard the noise before he stepped outside, but he hadn’t really processed it. Metropolis was a noisy city, and if there were no gunshots or cries for help, he had gotten pretty good at tuning it out.

Which was why he was so surprised when he walked out of his apartment building to be confronted with a sea of reporters flashing cameras at him.

“Jon!”

“Jon Kent!”

“Jon, over here!”

His heart stopped. Had they somehow found out he was Superboy? Which meant they knew about Dad, and Mom was probably in danger, and all of his friends, and…

“Jon, long have you and Damian Wayne been dating?”

What?

“Back off, you vultures! Leave him alone!” Uncle Jimmy emerged from the crowd, red-faced and disheveled. He put one hand in front of Jon’s face and the other on his shoulder. “No comment! He has no comment! Come on, Jon, back inside.”

Thoroughly baffled, Jon allowed Uncle Jimmy to steer him back into the building.

“Hey, Frank, don’t let any of them in unless Mr. or Mrs. Lane-Kent says it’s cool, okay?” Uncle Jimmy said to the doorman.

Frank, who Jon had known since they moved here when he was ten, put his imposing frame in front of the door. “Absolutely not,” he said.

“Thanks, Frank,” Jon managed, and waited until he and Jimmy were in the elevator and out of sight of the reporters. “What the heck is going on?”

“You’re a social media sensation, kiddo,” Uncle Jimmy said, and held up his phone to display a picture of Damian wearing a tuxedo and looking elegantly bored. “Apparently Bruce Wayne’s kid told someone called ‘GraceFace’ that he was dating a boy who lived in Metropolis, and she told her three million Instagram followers. A bunch of them found this photo.” He swiped to show a slightly blurry picture of Jon and Damian in Centennial Park, clearly taken on a cell phone by someone moving quickly. Jon remembered that day but hadn’t realized anyone had recognized Damian, though it did happen. “And someone figured out your name.”

“And assumed I’m the boy Damian is dating in Metropolis,” Jon said, putting it together. “Wait. Is he dating someone in Metropolis? Did he mean me? Why would he say we were dating?”

Uncle Jimmy held up a finger. “No, first question before that: how the hell do you know Damian Wayne?”

“Uh.” Jon paused. Uncle Jimmy knew all about him and Dad, since he was basically Dad’s best friend, but not any Gotham secret identities, and Jon was pretty sure both Damian and Mr. Wayne wanted to keep it that way.

Uncle Jimmy’s eyes flicked to the counter that showed what floor they were on. “And before we get to your apartment...any chance you want to give me the exclusive on this saga of young love?”

Jon’s mouth dropped open. “Uncle Jimmy!”

“What? I’m a reporter, it’s in my blood!”

“I’m telling my mom you asked me that.”

“No, please, tell your dad. He can only heat vision me or throw me out the window. Either way it’ll be quick.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m telling Mom.”

#super sons #damian wayne #robin #jon kent #superboy #i write things #i love gracie and she should be canon

79 notes · View notes

hedgefairy · 4 years

Text

Okay, I know, I know, it's already old news, everybody and their uncle in the costuming community has already talked it over, but anyhoo, I made notes when I crawled my way through effing Bridgerton and I will be damned if I don't vomit them onto this site. I have 32 pages of this shit, I'm not gonna throw that away.

I'm also typing this on my phone because I'm stuck on a trainride that's just doubled in length because this is the 2021 Northern German snow storm. What, there's snowflakes on the rails? We cannot possibly keep up our schedule, say goodbye to 90% of the connections.

Okay, on to Bridgerton, Episode 1

We're in Britain (oh, London, okay), allegedly 1813. I see people who are clearly meant to be asympatico, but is this size incusivity I spot there? Daring! Gasp! Me li...

Oh wait, no. The character is promptly shamed for her figure (which is mostly caused by the horrible cut of her dress. Every size can look great in Regency garb, but never mind, we need to make the "fat one" look bad!).

Also, no shifts under the stays. Why. There was obviously enough budget, don't tell me you couldn't afford a few strappy tops - it's not like the rest is historically accurate, so it would have sufficed to send some poor underpaid intern to H&M and get some. Nvm, that wouldn't be sexay.

Wait, is the garishly dressed (always a sign of a character of bad character in a costume drama) woman Delphine from Selfridge? Does she always have to play bitches? That's not nice, and just because she has a recognisable face, which by modern (read: americanised) standards is not favourable enough. Ugh. But I like the actress, so I'll let it slide (for now).

Lol, buttocks.

Not sure about the girls' dresses. Also, the Queen is a WOC, cool!

Oh no, one of the Featherington sisters faints! But that's okay because the Featheringtons are just comic relief and foil anyway.

I get weird incest vibes from the Bridgertons.

So the court is clearly 18th century and the show is set in the 1810s. I've by now seen several explanations for this decision, I still think it robs the Queen of reproductions of her actual historical gowns which were heavily inspired by the 18th century but so. Magnificently. Weird. It would have been so neat, and more of a "hey, I'm kinda out of touch with things" vibe, but hey, I'm not the one getting paid for making those taffeta gowns here (her hair is glorious, tho).

I'm very into the intro.

That Regency gossip girl is a real b, not unlike the Dowager Countess of Downton (unpopular opinion, I think she's pretty overrated, yes, I like Maggie Smith).

Again, no shifts.

Where do I know the "pragmatic" Bridgerton sister from? Ah, it's The Paradise. And Jonathan Strange. (Wait, she's my age. And she's supposed to be a teenager. Man, do I love a good Dawson casting. I like the actress, though, she has a face ™!).

Aaaah. We get it. She's the spirited one. She also doesn't care about dresses because she's not like other girls™. I really like her voice (but she still doesn't sound like a teenager).

The heck is up with Lady F's dress and that of her friend? Oh, yeah. Antagonist fashion.

Of course the Featheringtons are Horrid Hags™ aside from Penny who's nice, but the pudgy one (at least we don't get a case of "she's not conventionally attractive so she's bad").

Oooh, the cousin! Supposed to suck, but ofc she's a stunner, and only Penny (who's the nice one, remember!) is delighted to have her around. She's also a POC, which is nice but apparently that means she does not follow fashion, hair-wise. I would have loved to see some Regency hair on her, it would have been so pretty *cries in Greek updo*

Ugh, we're still in Ep. 1, typing this on my phone was a bad idea.

Lady Danbury and the Duke guy are delightful with each other (more POC! So neat!).

The girl the oldest Bridgerbro screws is apparently a singer, which isn't up to status for his doucheship, and she doesn't wear a shift.

The music at the ball sounds like something from the Top 40s, but I'm woefully ignorant of contemporary music charts so I can't tell what it is. I like it when they do that in historical-ish works, making well-known pop or rock stuff work for the ambience (ugh, that dance scene to Golden Years in Knight's Tale. My heart. In a good way.)

I dig the Ducktail hair of Penny's crush. Oh, wait, that's a Bridgerbro. I don't quite get why the hair trends of the time don't apply to the POC characters or extras, but seeing how most white characters also show a shameful disregard for the weirdnes and gloriosity (that's not a word) that is early 1800s hair (the 1830s take the cake, tho) despite those hairdos being basically designed for white people hair, I don't think I care much (well, I do, but about all of them). Overall the hair is horrid and not very 1810s. Let's just leave it at that.

Like a good old romance novel (I've since been told that Bridgerton is supposed to be a pastiche of such novels, but I really couldn't tell from the series, not at all, and I'm not inclined to read the books) we have

a pretty, kind, superpure daughter of the main family

the mean matriarch (could have been an aunt, too, but here she's the mum) of the rivalling or antagonist family

a spirited daughter of the main family (in most romance novels this would be our heroine but so far she refreshingly lacks a love interest and pretty daughter seems to get the most screen time)

a Horrid Suitor™

a Hot Suitor™ who doesn't want attention

a really good and doting good parent

Lol, misheard Greece for Grease with Ducktail Bridgerbro, whose name is Colin, apparently. This is funny because of his Danny Zuko memorial hair.

Overall a bit too much bling for my taste, and too few pearls. It looks like an episode of My Super Sweet Sixteen with a Regency theme.

Of course the romance is going to be the Pretty One aka. Daphne and the Duke and he's even bros with her eldest bro. Wait, are they exes? I can haz bi? No? Aww, shucks. Maybe in another episode (spoiler: no).

Okay, WHAT is it with Lady F's dresses and hair. Like, she reminds me of Mars Attacks. Which, as you might remember, was not set in the Regency period.

Lord B (Bridgerbro the Eldest) sucks, he's screwing Opera Girl without any intention of marrying her but he's bitchy about his sister being ogled by his Eton (or wherever) bestie?

Oh, I'm in Hamburg now. And my train back home got canceled, so back to Berlin it is because there's not a single option to get to Hanover tonight, at least that's what the lady from the train station is saying, "oh well, you'll have to go back and try again tomorrow", so that's awesome...

Honestly, if it weren't so late and I didn't have things to do at home I'd find this terribly exciting.

Back to Bridgerton!

Where were we? Ah.

I can't even read my own annotation. Something about George III. I think I was upset about how they totally ignored that it's called Regency because George IV acted as the regent king, and he doesn't even feature in the series, I guess because they wanted to play up the Queen? Not a fan, because thanks to Horrible Histories I'm quite fond of that guy.

Again, no shifts.

Oh, look, it's Horrid Suitor™, destined for leftovers.

The Featherington cousin gets all the attention but no fleshed-out character.

Penny Featherington's dog is named Lord Byron, which ❤️

I like the Duke! He's there, drinking in his club (even though they're a patriarchal remnant of the past I have a weird appreciation for stuffy Gentlemen's Clubs, I blame Bertie Wooster and the Drones), calling Lord B out for his general fuckery.

Oh no, Ducktail Colin is more into the Cousin than Penny, who obviously pines for him!

Thank you, Lord B, for enabling Horrid Suitor™. Nobody asked you to be such a fucktwit.

The Queen is, of course, a bit of a bitch, but patronage from cool Lady *scrolls up for name* Danbury ensues for Protagonist Girl™ Daphne.

"I wish they had found a better trend language", what the heck did I even mean by that? That's what you get for just scribbling down notes while watching and simultaneously sewing. 18th century pants, in case you wanted to know.

Cousin is angry, probably because Lady F behaves like Cinderella's evil stepmother, because Cousin is prettier than her daughters and gets, like, all the suitors because Lord B bitched away everyone who wanted to get into Daphne's dowry ifyouknowwhatImeanwinkwinknudgenudge, right across the street into Cousins parlour.

The Bridgertons are annoyingly perfect. Ugh.

Oh look, it's "banter" between Daphne and Dukey! It's so Pride & Prejudice! It's almost a tiny bit Shakespeare! I put banter in parentheses because wow, nope, I'm not getting any chemistry here.

Uh, Lady B calls out Lord B (aka. her son aka. Bridgerbro the Eldest) for his screwery with Opera Girl and his outpimpery of his sister to Horrid Suitor™, buuuurrrrrnnn. He promptly calls of his affair with Opera Girl.

No shifts!

Penny gets to dance with Ducktail Colin at the thing! Good for her, but it's a country dance with jumping and fun, because she's a) the pudgy character and b) a Featherington, so it can't be something romantic and pretty (I personally like country dances, but they aren't protagonist dances).

Oooh, Cousin had her period, oh no, oh snap, oh she didn't, because she's PREGNANT! Shit, that's problematic, and not because she's an unmarried woman in the 1810s, but because she gets close to no lines at all so far, and suddenly she's pregnant and telling Lady F that she sucks for being privileged, violence ensues, this is ugly. Man, I get what some critics mean by "the POC actors*actresses get all the problems" and that not exactly being great.

Horrid Suitor™ makes property claims about Daphne, eeewwwww, thanks to Lord B's general suckiness, ewww, r@pe attempt ensues, was that really necessary? It doesn't really fit in with the rest of the series and generally nope, yay, broken nose! (which was indeed totally necessary). Nice one, and probably the only scene so far (spoiler: overall) in which I actually like Daphne. Dukey thinks a mean left hook is attractive, and, generally speaking, he's not wrong.

Daphne and Dukey come up with a pseudo-shakespearean plot to pretend to be totally into each other so she can attract suitors by being not available and he gets not to have fangirls by being not available, and as someone who has read a few too many historical-ish bodice rippers I know exactly where this is going. I mean, come on.

I can't see enough of the following choreography to complain about it. Man, I miss historical dance classes.

And that concludes Ep. 1! Finally! Thank you for getting this far, sorry for all of it (especially typos, it's the bane of unwanted autocorrect), I guess?

Update on the train situation: I've been told by the ticket control person that I shouldn't get my hopes up until noon tomorrow.

To be continued,

because I didn't take these 32 pages of notes for nothing.

#Bridgerton #Hedgewatch #historical costuming #Well not really because wow these costumes #Thank you for travelling with Deutsche Bahn #2021 norther Germany snow storm #Trainwriting #Snarky commentary #I wish I was better at captions but it's late and I've been wearing a mask for four hours straight now and I'm hungry #Bridgerbore

16 notes · View notes

peterxwade24 · 4 years

Text

BWYD Chapter 34

“A Fox Never Reveals Their Secrets”

Jason climbed onto the plane, his phone tucked into his pocket and his ticket and passport clutched in his hand. He smiled at a friendly looking old lady and her husband.

“What are you going to Paris for? A nice young man like you should be living his life.”

Jason blushed faintly and smiled. “My father decided it’d be a good opportunity for my three youngest siblings to study in Paris. However, I received a call from one of my younger brothers, our little sister is originally from Paris and she, she didn’t have a good experience in Paris. Usually, our brother can help her but, this little witch in her class reminded her of her past and she needs me. So, I dropped everything for her.”

The friendly looking old lady looked at Jason with a smile. “There’s this sweet little girl in Paris, practically my granddaughter, and I left her my house when my late husband died. I’m going back to see her, I have some things I want to give her.”

“Is that not your husband?” Jason nodded towards the man behind her before he slid into his seat.

She let out a laugh before sitting down in her seat, which happened to be the one beside his, and shaking her head. “I’ve never met him before.” She held out her hand to Jason with a smile. “My name is Marianne Fu.”

“Jason Todd.” He shook hands with Marianne but didn’t connect Marianne Fu with the older Chinese man Marinette called Master Fu.

---

Jason smiled and waved at Marianne as she went off in one direction, presumably to a hotel to sleep for the night, while he went off to the apartment. He was a block away when he broke out in a dead sprint. He disregarded the elevator and ran up the stairs, taking them two or three at a time. His eyes flashed green as he ran, desperate to get to his Pixie Pop.

He knocked on the door, likely waking up the entire hall, but he didn’t care. He needed to make sure his Pixie Pop was okay.

Dick answered the door in his pajamas, a pair of blue plaid pajama pants and bunny slippers, and ran a hand through his hair. “Jaybird? Do you have any clue what time it is?”

“Where’s Pixie Pop?” Jason looked at Dick and tried to convey his fear through his eyes. “Dickiebird, where’s Pixie Pop?”

Dick simply moved aside, allowing Jason into the apartment.

Jason slipped past his older brother into the apartment. He quickly walked to the door with a sign with “Marinette” written on it. He raised a hand to knock on the door when the door opened in his face.

“Jay-Jay.” And then there was a tiny thirteen year old wrapped around his waist and a face pressed against his torso.

“Pixie Pop.” Jason pulled Marinette into his arms, cradling the small form of his sister. “I’m here now. Nothing will happen to you.”

---

Marinette smiled at Jason, pulling on his hand to drag him from the apartment to the house she owned. “Jay-Jay, I gotta show you this! It’s so cool!”

Jason laughed at his little sister, the two of them looked like quite the pair wearing leather jackets over black pants, and let her drag him around her city. “And where, pray tell, is this Pixie Pop?”

“Don’t ask questions. Just appreciate being the fifth one from the family to see it.”

“Fifth?” Jason smiled. “Who else has seen it?”

“Me, Dames, Colin, and Oiseaux noir.” Marinette smiled and laughed. “Plus a few others, and Oiseaux Noir is probably at the house because he wasn’t at the apartment.”

Jason nodded and let her drag him the rest of the way. When they stopped, they were in front of a two-story house. He smiled down at his little sister and let her drag him in.

“Marianne!” Marinette squealed, letting go of his hand to wrap her thin arms around the friendly looking old lady from the plane.

“Marinette!” Marianne wrapped her arms around Marinette before looking behind her. “Jason?”

“Marianne?” Jason replied before taking a step towards the duo. “How do you know my Pixie Pop?”

“Pixie Pop?” Marianne giggled and looked down at the girl. “Your brother, I presume?”

“Jay-Jay. How do you know Marianne?” Marinette smiled.

“We met on the plane. I thought she was married to the guy behind her as we got on.” Jason shrugged. “Wait, Pixie Pop is the sweet little girl who’s practically your granddaughter?”

Marinette giggled before letting go of Marianne and nodding. “She and Master Fu left the house and,“ Marinette tapped one of her earrings before blushing, “related things to me when they left Paris.”

Marianne nodded before gesturing to the kitchen. “There’s a few things in the kitchen for you.” She smiled at the two before a loud series of crashing sounds from upstairs rang out through the house. “What is that?”

“Oiseaux noir.” Marinette turned to look at Jason with her sad puppy-dog eyes. “Please don’t tell Oiseaux bleu. He’s not staying for long, just a couple days, he just needed to get away from Uncle Clark.”

“Pixie Pop. When do I ever tell Dickiebird anything?” Jason laughed. “Conner! Come downstairs!”

Marianne simply raised an eyebrow at Marinette before smiling. “I’m so thrilled that you’ve decided the best use of the home is as a crash pad for your cousin and friends.”

Marinette brightened and smiled. “Actually, anyone who’s stepped foot in this house has spent time saving civilians and knows my secret.”

Marianne brightened. “Alright then. Come on.” Marianne led Marinette and Jason, silently joined by Kon, into the kitchen.

Marinette smiled and linked arms with the older woman. “What do you think of the house so far? I wanted to keep true to the house you left me but, to do it in my own way. Which is why I added colour instead of painting the walls.”

Marianne smiled before pausing just outside of the doorway which would take them into the kitchen. “Is that-”

Marinette nodded. “I found it downstairs and decided it deserved to be somewhere where the light could shine on it.”

The picture they were talking about was a blown-up polaroid of a couple wearing outdated Chinese apparel, the man had closely shorn hair while the woman’s hair was pulled back in a pair of elegant buns tucked behind a beautiful yet simple headdress. Behind the couple was the very house they were standing in, although it was taken quite a few years ago.

“Thank you Marinetta.” Marianne smiled before continuing their trek into the kitchen. “Now though.”

“What did you find?”

Kon leaned against Jason and sleepily rubbed at his eyes. “Who’s the broad?”

Jason smiled. “That’s Marianne Fu. She claims Pixie Pop as her granddaughter.”

Kon looked between the two before nodding. “Are we sure she’s not?”

Jason shrugged before he and Kon stopped following the two girls. “No.”

Marianne handed Marinette a box and smiled. “Open it.”

Marinette opened the box before looking up at Marianne. “Are you sure?” Marianne nodded, so Marinette slowly pulled a rose gold chain out of the box. She looked back up at Marianne before placing the box on the island and looking at the rings strung on the chain. “You’re really sure you want me to have these?”

Marianne nodded before taking the chain from her hand and putting the necklace on Marinette. “Wang and I don’t have any children of our own, you are our legacy and you should have the rings we wore. And, there’s one more surprise.” Marianne pulled out a second box and handed it to Marinette, who looked up at Marianne with that wide-eyed expression that Marianne assumed she wore the day she realized she was to be the Guardian. “Open it.”

Marinette opened the box, a long rectangle box, and gasped. She gently pulled the necklace, a simple choker with a hand-carved pendant, out of the box before looking at Marianne. “Where did you find this?”

Marianne smiled and simply plucked the necklace out of Marinette’s hand before wrapping it around her neck. “A fox never reveals their secrets.”

@dast218 @amayakans @toodaloo-kangaroo @crazylittlemunchkin @marinettepotterandplagg

#maribat #ml crossover #mlb crossover #ml x dc #mlb x dc #bruce wayne's youngest daughter

66 notes · View notes

cake-in-a-tin · 4 years

Text

My thoughts rewatching all the Harry Potter movies back to back

forgive typos, and be warned - there's a lot...

the first two have a smaller amount of thoughts for some reason, idk why

Philosopher’s Stone

teeny harry haha

that snake is so beautiful

no post on sundays bro

hi hagrid

how did the dursleys get off the island tho

aw harry is so teeny and innocent

ollivander’s entrance is so iconic, like i want to enter every room like that

hermione is so great already

and you are…

‘you’ve got dirt on your nose by the way, did you know?’

haha tiny malfoy

TREVOR! + neville

that death glare mcgonagall omg

oof snape really hates harry

it's leviooosa not leviosaaa

troll in the dungeon!!!

hi fluffy

ew norbert is gross to be completely honest

creepy malfoy staring at the window

malfoy being sassy wow

‘nighty night…’ whyyy filch?

oof ron are u ok

bye hermione

voldemort is kinda cute with his big eyes

harry really just killed quirrell jeez man

alas earwax

Chamber of Secrets

ah go away dobby don't be weird

yes the car with fred and george

oof bye uncle vernon haha

ah awkward let go of harry lockhart we hate u

haha ginny is iconic

rons face when the train comes omg

ron can drive? that's impressive…

ooh a voice scaryyy

hey colinnn

eat slugs - yas

let go of his arm lockhart

uh oh colin is petrified

hahaha snape annihilated lockhart wow

gosh moaning myrtle is annoying

tom riddle is such a weirdo hgh

ew spiders

lockhart is hilarious when he has lost his mind wow

yas fawkes

ew he just stuck the sword right through its head didn't he...

powerful sock…

go away lucius ur annoying

Prisoner of Azkaban

ugh aunt marge blow up already

sassy harry tm

tom is iconic

so is crookshanks tbh

the knight bus kinda sucks in the movie tho

yess lupin hi

ugh shut up trelawney

ah the best scene aka harry and draco being sassy towards each other

‘it’s killed meh!’

the other best scene: lupin, boggarts and the record player

love when they are eating sweets and just being good friends

yay marauders map - iconic fred and george

nice snowman also

my dad didn't strut and neither do i - yeah right...

yes leave hermione

trelawney stop being creepy

take that malfoy

harry third wheeling

yas remus save sirius

"old married couple" haha snape knows what's up

die peter lol

haha yes they will chop your leg off ron definitely

ugh harry stop being noble

haha yes mentioning the marauders

ew stop peter

oh no werewolf

sirius is so dramatic haha he cant stop turning into a werewolf my dude

bad idea yes ron i agree

oof fight him sirius

no sirius!

the dementorssss

no harry that's not a real patronus dude

nom eat the little soul nugget nice

ah no they're gonna kiss sirius nooo

scabbers did it ok... shut up ron

dumbledore just smacking ron's broken leg and being mysterious

and enter many time paradoxes

‘this is not normal’ hahahah wow harry

yess save buckbeak dudes

yas beautiful patronus dude

this music tho wow

au revoir sirius

I wonder how many stairs they ran up...

poor ron so confused

that bird just got squished no

don't leave lupin

please tell harry about the marauderss

i love lupin omg

ooh a firebolt thanks godfather

the ending face wow

Goblet of Fire

ooh nagini hello

yay frank you will die soon so enjoy your tea

dr who!

ah voldemort's creepy little hand tm

yes ron is covering his non existent boobs wow

hermione's so mad 4 some reason

yes cedric diggory in a tree

everyone has long hair why

isn't just any manky old boot mate

cedric amos and arthur are show offs

feet off the table!

i luv magik

wow krum is enjoying himself

Why is draco wearing a suit?

lucius is very ominous

think ur in luvvv ron

is there no winky in this? sad

harry is so awkward omg

bye hedwig find sirius even though the ministry cant

oh bonjour beauxbatons

wow so dramatic here come the durmstrang peoples

wow run filch ao athletic

ew the beauxbatons entrance is so weird and compared to the durmstrang one is kind of sexist

ow poor flitwick a fork to the hand that's gotta hurt

moody is so dramatic

dumbledore already shouting nice

why does he have so many bugssss

ah that is a creepy spider

poor neville he has to have cuppa with moody that sucks

yess fred and george back at it again

hermione ruining the vibe

HARRY POTTER DIDJA PUTCHA NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAH dumbledore asked calmly

what would happen if harry was just like "nope"? would he die that would be interesting

igh rita skeeter go away ur creepy my dude

hate it when ur eyes glisten with ghosts of ur past

yas sirius in a fire

"who are u talking to?" "im vlogging ron" (how it should have gone. harry should have a youtube channel just saying)

poor harry a third wheel yet again between madame maxime and hagrid ew

wow draco in a tree, why? so many people in trees this movie

"nyaaah"

malfoy as a ferret is my favorite character

my father will hear about thissss

omg rita get outttt

fight the dragonnnn

feel like someone should have stopped the dragon after it broke free... idk *shrugs*

it would be so boring if u were watching the tournament because you can't see anything that's happening most of the time, only for the 1st task and a bit if the 3rd task.

knew u wouldnt die harry, lose a leg - or an arm -pack it in all together? nevaaaaa

god just open it harry

ron ur so awkward...

harry spitting out his drink will never not be funny to me

oh yes the gorgeous dress robes

poor ron has it tough, having to dance with mcgonagall and having ro wear those robes...

*babbling bumbling band of baboons*

the twins are hilarious in this haha

aw neville!

snape is really violent can't 2 boys discuss their love lives or lack thereof in peace

ron's jealous of viktor krum haha

love harry just being so confused and saying "spectacular" when cedric speaks to him.

given the fact harry literally told him the task cedric didn't do that much to help.

ugh no myrtle stop

harry going "do i" when neville tells him he seems tense is such a mood

harry's hair when he was swimming haha

just leave them harryy omg too noble

harry holds his breath for a long time after his gills go away - longer than i can

fred and george making fun of harry having 'moral fiber' is exactly what i would do in the situation

mr crouch stop being weird

yes finally singing hoggy warty hogwarts

oh hi mr crouch, taking a nap in the forest are u? cool

i would say do not stick your face in the pensieve but that's just me

Dr Who changed a bit since i last saw him, he's a bit mental now...

snape is so iconic wow

"bubble juice sir?" bahaha sassy harry back at it again

this music is so great

i would freak out if i had to go in that maze it's so creepy and feels like it would be so filled with jumpscares just nope

"a cauldron? What are u guys gonna do - eat me? that's gross!" feels like it should be in the movie

aw baby voldemort is so cute

ugh just chop off another finger or something wormtail jeez so much drama

how is voldemort still alive - the cauldron is on fire??

the movie is also really missing voldemort dancing with the death eaters

u dont have hair my dude stop caressing ur bald head

voldemort has lovely long fingernails

lucius' blonde hair poking out from beneath his hood is so funny 4 some reason.

"i can touch u now" is really not a good sentence

bit awkward to return with a dead body...

its alright harry *shakes his head violently*

uh oh that's not professor moody its barty jr

Order of the Phoenix

halfway done woo

the intro music is still a jam the 5th time

that is big whinging not little whinging

hi big D what a great nickname...

uh oh dementorrrrr

yes mrs figg the most iconic character in the movies

harry looks a lot like frodo baggins

yay the order is rescuing him finally

yes remus and sirius and mrs weasley and everyone

ooh kreacher

jeez hermione attack him

crookshanks attacking the extendable ears is just what my cat would do

cute godfather godson moments yeass

arthur weasley trying to function as a muggle is just so wholesome

ugh not umbridge ew

yes clear those charges

aw padfoot yess

wow that's a lovely coat sirius

voldemort looks great in a suit wow

didn't harry see his parents die? why couldn't he see the thestral before?

yes luna!

oh shut up umbridge oh my goddd

yes ron u tell seamus like a good friend

sassy harry reaching full potential

ugh umbridge sucks wow

so evil torturing harry

yes weasleys wizards wheezes

luna is so pure and perfect

the friendship between her and harry is so amazing

yas tell umbridge, mcgonagall

trelawneys bad but she doesn't deserve to be kicked out by umbridge

oof professor dumbledore just straight up ignored harry

yes harry just say you're rubbish that will make people think your sane

yes hermione break the rules!

oof ginny is jealous of cho liking harryyyy

yay the room of requirement!

dumbledores army is so fabuloussss

nigel is amazing and i love him

wow hermione just knocked out ron haha

harry potter the boy who made cheesy inspirational speeches

wow ginny is so powerful

harry and cho are so awkward eeehhhh

just because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon *cringy forced laughter*

occlumency lessonnssss yay what fun

cute christmas scenes wow

ooh the family tree and sirius' backstory yay

harry u aren't becoming like voldemort u are going through pubertyyyy its hormonesssssss

yay hagrid finally

oh no it's bellatrix get ready for crazinesss

poor sirius he keeps getting the blame for everything that's so unfair

is neville tall or is harry short, because there is a huge height difference

aw all the patronuses are so cute

uh oh here comes umbridge...

noo they are captured and dumbledores lying waaa

oof dumbledore is as sassy as harry at some points - "dumbledores got style"

no umbridge is heaf and shes fricking evilllll

grawp yess. hes kind of cutee

ron is jealous of grawp bahaha

sheesh snape chill

yes a bit of maraudrrss aahhhh

thats it? noo

aw fred and george comforting a little boy is too cute!

yes fred and george!!! disrupt those OWLS!!

no harry! he doesn't have sirius nooo

yes hermione fake it till u make it ( or until u get umbridge attacked by grawp )

yay the centaurs are here as well get herrr

'i must not tell lies' the sass omg

jeez how many prophecies are there wow

pranked, harry dude ur kind of rubbish

well done ginny you've made all the prophecies fall

yh id rather watch my friends die than give u the prophecy, don't really like them tbh

yas sirius!

the order yes

you're beautiful sirius

noooooo siriusss 😭😭😭😭

yooo voldemort my dudeee

hope the ministry has a massive roomba

the DA just come in to see harry writhing on the floor and are like 'cool'

nice one fudge finally realised he's back cool, cool

ah yes angsty harry tm

aw poor luna, her shoes are all stolen.

luna is an icon though

we have something voldy doesn't - noses hahahaha

Half Blood Prince

uh oh the dark mark is here

death eaters as well fun

fenrir greyback!!

oh no not this bridge! i went across it and i was scared af

dumbledore appearing out of nowhere is so funny

ew slughorn no

wow i need dumbkwdored tidying spell so badly

slughorn collecting people is kind of creepy tbh

im so glad i dont have as many staircases as the weasleys

oh yes narcissa and bellatrix being shifty

oops snape u probs shouldnt have done that

yess fred and george!!!

weasleys wizard wheezes looks amazinggg

uh not cormac mclaggen

oooh its "draco and mummy"

no fenrir we wanted to look at draco stroking a cabinet

yes arnold!

yes draco malfoy is a "creepy bloke" ronald

why is draco always wearing a suit??

yes draco is going to pigfarts!

ouch why would u stomp on his nose??

yez luna save him

noo dont let snape teach defense against the dark arts!! i miss lupin...

poor harry having to do potions again ugh

dun dun dunnn the half blood prince

poor seamus stuff is still exploding

haha dumbledore ships hermione and harry lol

baby tom riddle is creepyy

tom riddle and slughorn were bffs wow so cute

edgy draco in his loki suit

aw rons the only one listening

ugh cormac mclaggen is so gross nooo

haha ron is so rubbish at quidditch id be just like him

'the binding is fragile' hahaha excuses

harry sleeps with his potions book hheehe wow

wow sneaky draco

rons face when hermione mentions her snogging him haha.

uh oh cursed necklace alert

harry pottrr the boy who just knew

snape is so sarcastic wow icon (not really tho ew)

oh god they're talking about skin aahhh

noo harry stop being awkwarddddd sit downn

ew cormac stop eating profiteroles so suggestively ugh

haa rons outfit

ew lavender stopp

oh yes "felix felicis" makes ron great at quidditch

poor hermione she just loves ron thats all

aw hermione and harrys friendship is so nice

angsty draco standing in a tower

"bUt I aM tHe ChOsEn OnE" god harry so pretentious

luna is the coolest person there is, nice work harry

draco in a suit again looking sad he does that a lot

no draco ur apple!

oh nvm its back dw

ugh cormac sucks. hermione why??

at least cormac did 1 good thing and vomited on snapes shoes

draco was lurking omgggg thats his vibe now

cant break an unbreakable vow - figured that out for myself thanks (sassy harry)

ew lavender stopppp

ooh noo ginny dont feed him a mince pie awkwarddd

thanks ron

stoppp ginny. harry can tie his own shoelaceee

why do they need to burn the burrow this doesnt happen in the books #not canon

wow everyones sassy including hermione now

also lav is an awful nicknname

aha tom riddle is still creepy

okay thats a lie slughorn u told him about horcruxes

uh oh ron loves romilda vane oop

harry thinks the moon is divine haha

Ron hugging a pillow then falling off the sofa in the background oh my gosh

slughorn is so useless

haha snapes face while rons saying hermiones name

draco being edgy again woowwww

lavender that is a death glare if ever i saw one

oh no draco is crying in a bathroom now like a moody teenager

let him cry in peace harry god man

'nyaaah' is dracos go to dueling sound

oops harry u kinda killed him a little bit.

no this is so awkwarddd ginny dont

just kiss like in the books after the quidditch match thats way better

yes the felix felicis

love harry potter like this its so funny

‘harry!’ ‘sir!’

not to mention the pincers *gestures awkwardly*

nice speech harry, now u have answers on the horcruxes

ooh back to tom riddle being creepy

yas harry and dumbledore field trip quality student teacher time

snape being edgy now wow everyone is in this movie

oops foreshadowing...

harry has precious blood apparently?

yay boat ride and smoothie

harry potter not harry water bro

noo bad just aguamenti right into his mouth Harry

yay new friends!!!

dumbledore ur gonna set harry on fire careful my dude

ooh death eaterz

did draco change intot hat suit to impress the death eaters?

oop bye dumbledore

harry brooding in dumbledores office

yess RAB get wrecked voldemort

harry ur thick apparently?

aw cute friendship

Deathly Hallows Pt. 1

rusty logo wow

‘ello whoo are u

oh scrimgeour hi i dislike u dude

veey dramatic

aaawww hermione no

yas dudley being nice to harry and vernon listening to him and leaving

ron brooding wow

bye parents sad face

wow vernons old man

ooh its snapeee he looks loke he has a lot of contpur on

yay snape has a savey seat

pius is a great name

uh oh i dont wanna give u my wand voldy

dracos face haha

ugh do they have to watch nagini eat professor burbage gross

the dursleys house looks so empty

yay the cupboard happy memories and his baby toys cuteee

moody thinks that harrys gorgeous.

yay remus and tonksss

shut up mundungus

blimey hermionee

'just trying to diffuse the tension' hahaha lol

wow so many harrys lol

yh wouldnt want to go in the motorbike tbh

uh oh death eaters

wow parkour harry

nooo hedwig - the saddest bit of this movie

yo voldemort wassup

oops the pylons fell down... just fly away good idea

nooo george's ear

jeez lupin y are u being crazy dude

george is saint like and holy aw so cute brother moments

uh oh bye moody u were a bit creepy tbh

ha lol harry a lot of people are going to die for u

harry stop being moody omg

wow george way to ruin the vibe dude

yo minister leave pls

ron just being ungrateful - u can turn out lights now ron lucky u

yay hermione you get a childrens book thats great

wow a snitch lucky u harry. hes so pleased with that. little does he know.... its a resurrection stone bro

give him the sword man

yay nice wedding

luna interrupting deep thoughts casually

xenophilius is creepy

ron and hermione staring at each other is a mood.

way to crash a wedding dude

hermione is the most competent out of all three it has to be said

i really want that bag of hermiones

shouldnt have said voldemory now the death eaters are here whoops

"hermione" *strokes face awkwardly*

sassy harry yas

oh yes grimmauld place

oof voldys having wand struggles

hi kreacher please leave ur creepy thanks

aw siriuzz room so cute sad hes dead

regulus arcturus black yay

ugh mundungus fletcher u suck dude

aw neville

oh no pie dude is the minister if magic now

uh shut up umbridge

feel like u dont need that many posters

sentimental piano playing wow

yo dobbyyyy

umbridge ruins everything omg

ron - u dont have a wife

haha harry getting out of the lift and walking in such a weird wayyy bahahaha

ew umbridge has moodys eye groosss

yas the ugly plates are still in her office

oops ron u just kissed that random dudez wife

nice suit harry

ouch splinch

lovely tent

kill the locket dude

dean thomas is on the run ooh fancy

yh harry stop letting voldemort in dude

harry stop being so moody bro

ooh watch snape on the map thats not creepy.

oh no snatchers...

ah u almost got caught dudes

ron ur so weak wow cant apparate or anything

lot of missing people...

haha a quarantine haircut

yes hermione ur brilliant

oh god ron stop chill

bye ron i guess lol

poor hermione

yas awkward dancing timee

awkward stares

kissy for the snitch. he must really miss ginny

uh oh its opening at the closee

vfd!!! an eyee!!!

ooh godrics hollowwww

oop its christmas eve whoopssss

oh a deathly Hallows

parents grave yay!

ur bathilda? nope im a snake boiii

bathilda is 1 creepy lady

what are u saying my dude????

ew snake lady

chaira are good defences agaunst snakes definitely

ah she jumped at them

looks like a nice campsite

wow now hermiones being sentimental

oop she sat on harrys wand

wait nvm

oooh a doe a deer a female deer

dont drown harry that would be awkward

omgbharry stop undressing

oof the locket strangling him

yay ron saved him yas dude

ron kill the horcrux

u tell him hermione

nice ron tell them u have been hearing voices

yes go see xenophilius the crazy dudee

aw ron ur so awkwsrd bro

their house is so cute

shut up ron god

yay we know about the deathly hallows now

xenophilius is so suspicious tho

why would you say his nameeee

noo snatchers

ooo ominous malfoy manor

draco dont doo ittt

yay dobby!

ah no hermione

aw draco looks sad in his little loki suit

yay dobby 'maiming and seriously injuring'

nooo dobby! he deserved so much better 😭

"hey guys welcome back to my unboxing video today we are opening dumbledores grave"

yay the elder wand wow

giving away ur position a bit dude by shooting stuff in the air

Deathly Hallows Pt. 2

snape hi ur brooding

lots of dementys

dramatic music

waaa dobby

yay bill and fleur

yo griphook what up

the sword was in a river bro

madam lestrange? no!

oops thats not dracos wand anymore wowww

wands are just like 'ya hiiii we have feelings too'

oop ollivander knows about the elder wand bros

ron looks great with a moustache tho

harry just broke the law jeez...

wow that cart looks fun

wow they fell from the cart nice

oh no ron broke the law too whoops

yay a dragon

lots of gold nice

yay the cup

oops they messed up nkw everything is multiplyinggg

griphook y are u evil my dude

yay ride a dragon

oops they fell no

yas they escaped

uh oh voldemort is onto them

that's a lot of dead people

oh no everyones looking for them

ah aberforth hi!

the other part of harry's mirror!

oop dumbledore was a secretive dude

ariana yas

neville!

i love neville hes so great now

yay all of the DA

luna!

ginny is being awkward

'shut up seamus' hhaha

aaa snape yooo

snape stop being a meanie

stop being angry harry

yas queen! mcgonagall!!!!

yay

uh oh voldemort is whispering to harry again

stop voldemort you need a cough sweet

yes everyone protect him

haha filch is a blithering idiot wow

i love mcgonagall

run harry

boom! seamus blow stuff up!

yay the knight peeps

uh yes theyre protecting harry and everyone

yes luna is so smart and iconic

go talk to a ghost harry

thats a lot of death eaters

go away voldemort no one likes u

yes go stab a crown harry

yay remus

fred and george aw

ron fake parseltonguing lol

nooo quidditch

lol peeps got disintegrated

go hermione stab the cup

yessss kisss!!!!

tonks and remus together wow

wow i hate voldemort's bald head with the weird veins

run neville!

yay ginny and neville

yay a little kiss for harry!

ooh the room of requirement

edgy draco back at it again

ooh the diadem

no dracooo

yh draco y didnt u give harry away?

aw ron loves hermione

uh oh fireee

nice work goyle

bye crabbe lol

yay hes saving draco

nice killed the tiara

oops voldemorts getting angry

snapes gonna dies dudes

runnnnn guys

lavenders being eaten

yay aberforth

yeet snapes dying

gosh naginis violent

“ew snape sorry i dont like u even tho u loved my mum” - what harry should have said

woops bye snape

freds death is too sad

nooo remus and tonks

go watch snapes life my dude

yess the always bit (i dont like snape but its iconic)

poor harry

its so sad that hes just sacrificing himself

his eye contact with ron omg im cryinggg

ooh yay his familyyy

he should have said 'its muffin time’ to the resurrection stone and it would be like 'cool bro here's your dead family'

u got this harry

yay teddy mention

"until the end" yas james

lets do this harry

wow voldemort why are you standing like a weirdo

yes harry be a brave man

byee harryyyy

oooh hes alive still

hi dumbledore

yes harry is a brave brave man

cool explain it to him dumbledore

bye dumbledoreeee

wow voldy u weakk bro

yas dracos alive get off me

aw neville u got this man

voldy yeeted that dead giant wow

ew snakey boi

nooo hes dead waa

poor draco such an awkward hug

oop neville what?

ok ur just making a speech that fine carry on

voldys very polite for a villain

yay harrys alive

haha dieee

run lucius wow

oof destroying the school harry really

naginis coming run hermione

u got dis neville

noo ron

yes molly!!!

y r u hugging dudes u arent friends... did u forget? oops..

ouch

bye snake boiii

neville is so iconic omg

kill him HARRY

noice

haha disintegrate voldemort

byeee

dont breathe in voldemort guys

wow harrys a mess

yay hagrid

hermione and ron are so sweet aw

harry yeet the wand

wow draco owns the wand and now harry has it

YEET

aw the friendship

yess 19 years later

wow that hair harry

all of their haircuts are tragic tbh...

should be albus remus potter... just sayinggg

THE END DUDESSSSS

#pls read #unfortunately this is basically my stream of consciousness #i think like that #idk #philosophers stone #chamber of secrets #prisoner of azkaban #goblet of fire #order of the phoenix #half blood prince #deathly hallows #harry potter #harry potter movie marathon #ron weasley #hermione granger #albus dumbledore #voldemort

12 notes · View notes

scottielambchop · 6 years

Text

Tite Five Vol. 1

Here's the deal: Unemployment really sucks.

But it's important to keep "flexing my writing muscle." So, I decided to take the blog format I had with my old company and take it here. Which is rad because I can now write all the f-swears I want. But even better, I can rename this stupid fucking thing. So without further ado, I present to you my Tite Five.

Arby’s Subscription Box

Well, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I may not be writing blogs for an ad agency anymore, but that doesn't fuckin' mean I won't talk about fast food.

For those who don’t know me (and now that I’m writing on my own blog, I don’t know why the fuck you wouldn’t), I have sort of backed myself into a corner with Arby's. It all started innocently enough. I wrote a Facebook post asking if anyone wanted to go on a romantic date to Arby’s. Seemed like a funny-enough thing to say. But then I doubled down and asked the same question again a few weeks later. Then again. And again. Soon enough, I became the “Arby’s guy.” Which, to be honest, isn’t the worst thing to be known for. Especially since Arby’s is pretty good and their Pizza Slider is one of the most underrated QSR food items on the market.

Alright, now that I got that little nugget of useless bullshit out of the way, let’s get to this subscription box. For the past couple of years, Arby’s has been fucking killing it in the advertising game. Their hilarious Ving Rhames-voiced copy spots and subsequent transition to more visual stuff with H. Jon Benjamin, their delightfully nerdy paper-craft social posts, and now, their subscription box. That’s right, you fuckin’ heard (or read) me correctly, Arby’s now has a subscription box.

In early January, Arby’s tweeted out they would be sending a subscription box called Arby's of the Month. All you had to do was sign up for $25, and you would get six mystery boxes of seasonal gear from everyone’s favorite roast beef provider. Now, I’m sure you’re wondering, “Who the hell would want that?” Well, let me tell you, a lot of people the hell would want that. It sold out in less than an hour.

Minneapolis' Fallon (my dream agency) has done amazing work with Arby's. They've taken your grandparents’ favorite fast food joint and turned it into something for everyone. By simply getting weird with everything they do, the younger generations have latched on. Honestly, who the fuck would think about sending a subscription box full of roast beef swag, and how the fuck did it work so well? The answer is Fallon.

P.S. If anyone from Fallon is reading this, my portfolio is scottielantgen.com. Hire me, please.

Re-Watching South Park

One of the most beautiful things about unemployment in the digital age is the ability to hunt for jobs across the country while sitting on your couch and streaming a seemingly endless supply of shows. And that’s exactly what the fuck I’ve been doing with South Park.

Now before I begin, I just need to say that, yes, the show’s liberal use of the “f-word,” “r-word,” and countless racial stereotypes DO NOT hold up well to today’s standards. And honestly, I’m not going to defend it. It’s not my place.

Problematic dialogue aside, what I love about rewatching South Park from almost the very beginning (just skip the first three seasons. You're not missing much) is how it’s a perfect current event/pop culture time capsule. I seriously forgot about Elián González, Terri Schiavo, how the popularity of Paris Hilton made everyone fucking terrible for a while, and just the Passion of the Christ in general. But thanks to South Park, those headlines came rushing back in vivid detail.

South Park still holds up as some of the best satire ever created. It’s quick, funny, and often offensive. And I’m pretty sure that’s what Trey Parker and Matt Stone wanted it to be.

Also, Butters and Randy Marsh are two of my favorite fictional characters.

Skittles Commercial: The Broadway Musical

The “Big Game” (who has the money, amirite?) is tomorrow, and it’s like a goddamn advertising cotillion. It’s the day where the entire country gathers around a TV to eat a variety of sauced meats, drink one of three different beers, and watch the newest batch of commercials from some of the biggest brands in the country. I am told there’s also a football game.

This is the day companies spend millions of dollars for 30 seconds of air time. It’s absurd. But it’s the most viewed event of the entire year, so companies feel the need to get their air time. Except for Skittles. They've been doing something a little different.

Last year, Skittles was fed up with the high price of “Big Game” ad placement, and decided to ditch that mess and do their own thing. So, they did what any other rational company who wanted to advertise to millions of viewers would do. They made an ad for just one person (Check it out. It rules). This little stunt got them billions of media impressions, which, in a lot of ways, is just as good as paid placement.

Where does Skittles go after the major success of last year’s stunt? Broadway of course. During halftime, Skittles will present a one-time performance of Skittles Commercial: The Broadway Musical. Lead by Six Feet Under’s own Michael C. Hall (fuck Dexter), this 30-minute musical is slated to be very meta. Their website states, “Through song and dance, the show takes an absurdly self-reflective look at consumerism and the ever-increasing pervasiveness of brand advertising in our lives.”

It’s fucking brilliant, and I can’t wait to hear how it turns out.

Companies Taking a Stand

Other than writing as many “fucks” and “shits” as I want, one of the coolest things about writing this blog untied from any agency has to be freely expressing whatever dumb-fucking-shit opinion I have. Don’t get me wrong, my old company gave me a lot of freedom, but I always felt it best to stray away from any “controversial” or “political” opinions. Now I’m off the leash and ready to spread my leftist propaganda like a mother fucking virus!

There is a great divide in our country. I know it’s always been there, but it seems way worse ever since the 2016 campaign trail. Regardless, with this growing separation between liberals and conservatives/left and right/cool dudes and white people, companies are also taking sides. And I think it’s a really fucking smart idea.

As you’ve probably seen (and possibly burnt your own shoes about), Nike was one of the first major companies to take a stand for what they believed in. Hiring “controversial” athlete, Colin Kaepernick, to be the face of their newest campaign was a really bold move, but it paid off big time.

Yes, they faced a backlash. Fox News was all up their ass about “DiSrEsPeCtInG tHe FlAg,” and Twitter users shared a litany of videos of people destroying the products they already bought and paid for. But overall, the campaign was killer and showed that the company was willing to put themselves at risk for equality and doing what is right—though I’m sure they’re heartbroken your shitty uncle won’t buy their socks ever again.

Gillette was the next big company to pick a side. They took a stance on the truly controversial topic of “not being a shitty dude.” I really don’t know where the backlash for this came from, but apparently, men don’t like being told that it’s wrong to catcall and sexually assault women. For a bunch of “manly-men,” they’re really crying like little babies over a minute-long video. The ad is still pretty new, but it already seems to be resonating well with younger male audiences, but not so much with boomers. Weird, right?

And lastly, Patagonia just announced that they will donate all 10 million dollars they saved on tax cuts to environmental groups. I don’t know how people will find a way to be upset by this, but I don’t doubt for a single second that someone will. The world is a nightmare.

Listen, I know there are always going to counter-arguments.

“Oh, they’re just exploiting a current issue to make money.”

“Oh, you may think they’re doing the right thing, but their internal business model is totally fucked.”

“Oh, not all men.”

“Oh, that money could have gone to hard workers and not a stupid tree or whatever.”

It really doesn’t matter. This is advertising. They are spreading a message. You may not need a razor at this moment, but that spot can also serve as a reminder to be a better man. You may prefer a different brand of athletic wear, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to see how much a person has sacrificed to support a cause. You may not be a white Instagrammer, but now you know that some companies are doing honorable things. These companies aren't just selling products, they’re also selling ideals.

Gratitude

As I’ve alluded to throughout this post, I recently lost my job. I wanted to make light of it a little, but I also just wanted to get some things off my chest. The truth of the matter is this: I am forever grateful for the opportunity I was given and the people I befriended along the way. I was able to work with and learn from some of the most talented people I have ever met. I took a huge risk moving to a smaller, one-agency town to take this job—and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I am forever thankful for this time in my life.

One of my biggest New Year’s resolutions was to express more gratitude. As I said before, the country is divided. I can’t seem to hop on any social media channel without seeing some kind of bullshit-fueled fight going on. Everyone seems to be focusing on the negative and no one really cares about the positive (I fully understand the irony of this sentence). But this could change by expressing more gratitude for the people in your life and amazing opportunities.

Listen, I could be really pissed about the current state of the world. And honestly, I am. But I’m trying to express more positivity. Everyone else can complain about our turd of a president 24 hours a day. Why not tell the important people in your life why you’re thankful to have them? It’s a really fucking simple thing to do—and it could possibly start a chain reaction.

Listen, I’m not going to tell you to not focus on the bad parts of your job or whatever because that shit is so much more easily said than done. And it also goes on a job-by-job basis (I couldn’t really think of a positive in working in corporate finance or some soul-sucking shit like that). But I will say this, I’m thankful I was able to work a job where I could see a bright side. I learned a lot and I’m looking forward to the next steps in my career.

I know it seems tough to remain positive in such dark times. But, fuck, this is your life. You’ve only got one of em. Don’t spend it worrying or complaining all the time. Find the positive and try and improve upon that… or don’t. It’s your fuckin’ life. Do whatever you want.

Well, guys, that’s it for my very first Tite Five (but also not, ya know?). I hope this was as enthralling as Chris made it out to be. I love you all. I’ll probably see you next week with another post of sorts. Take care and don��t drink and drive after the “Big Game.”

1 note · View note

stopforamoment · 6 years

Text

The Secret Garden (10 of 12)

Book: The Royal Romance (After Book Three)

Pairing: Bastien Lykel x OFC Rinda Parks

Word Count: 2,033

Rating: M for Mature Langauge

Author’s Note: Obligatory disclaimer that Pixelberry Studios owns the TRR characters and my pocketbook with those darn diamond scenes. OFC with all of her quirks is all mine. My apologies if Tumblr or I do something stupid when I try to post this.

Inspiration: Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden, Chapter 11

He stepped over to the nearest tree—an old, old one with gray lichen all over its bark, but upholding a curtain of tangled sprays and branches. He took a thick knife out of his pocket and opened one of its blades.

"There's lots o' dead wood as ought to be cut out," he said. "An' there's a lot o' old wood, but it made some new last year. This here's a new bit," and he touched a shoot which looked brownish green instead of hard, dry gray.

Mary touched it herself in an eager, reverent way."That one?" she said. "Is that one quite alive—quite?"

Dickon curved his wide smiling mouth.

"It's as wick as you or me," he said; and Mary remembered that Martha had told her that "wick" meant "alive" or "lively."

Summary: Bastien shows Rinda the palace maze and tree, but it isn’t as romantic as he’d thought . . .

When they got back to the palace Bastien turned to Henry. “There’s one more thing. And this one is actually a royal command from the King, so I have to do it. Well, and I want to do it,” Bastien quickly added, seeing the concern in Rinda’s eyes. He led them over to the maze.

“Henry, when King Liam, his brother Leo, and Drake were kids they’d always play in the maze. There’s also a large tree with a swing in the middle. Would you like to check it out?”

Henry grinned and started to run ahead, but he quickly stopped when there was a fork in the path. “Should I wait for you?”

Bastien laughed. “No, go ahead and figure it out. I’ve had to find King Liam in here plenty of times. I’ll find you too.” He looked at Rinda and snickered. “Mara and I still have to come in here to find Liam and Riley when they sneak off.”

Rinda threw back her head and laughed. “Good for them! So is this maze really confusing or pretty simple?”

Bastien shrugged. “It’s not as bad as The Shining.”

Rinda chuckled. “We’re not going to make it out of here alive, are we? Seriously. If you suddenly get called away for an emergency, you absolutely have to send someone to find me and Henry if we don’t make it out by morning. I’ll be really ticked off if you don’t. Promise?”

Bastien solemnly nodded. “Promise.”

“It’s pretty cool that kids would play in here. This must have been great for hide and seek.”

“Actually, tag was more their thing as kids. But I know the terrain and have a significant advantage over you and Henry. I’ll get you a map to study so we can play next time.” Bastien smiled when he made her laugh again.

“So Rinda, tell me about that book. The Secret Garden. It was the Queen’s favorite, and yours too, right?”

Rinda snickered. “What, my 2:00 AM summary while I was in PJs in front of the King of Cordonia didn’t explain it well enough?” She shook her head. “That was really embarrassing, by the way. I’m sorry if I completely made an ass of myself.”

“No, you didn’t. Trust me, you were fine. Even in PJs. By the way, were those . . . smiling bananas on your PJs?”

Rinda nodded her head. “Yup. Banana pajamas. And some of the bananas had sunglasses. It sounds like you couldn’t erase the vision that was burned into your retinas.” She shook her head, laughing at herself. “Anyway, the book. It’s partly about magic and healing. See, Mary Lennox is sickly and selfish at the start of the book. She’s seriously an absolute bitch who can’t even dress herself without a servant’s help. Her cousin Colin is an invalid and an even bigger spoiled pain in the ass. But the garden, well, it’s magic. Even how Mary finds the key and the hidden doorway to the garden are magical. Then there’s a neighbor boy named Dickon, and he has a magic touch with wild animals and nurturing things. They play in the garden and help take care of it, and it’s also magical how the garden comes to life in spring, and Mary and Colin get healthier and less selfish as they spend more time in nature.” Rinda stopped and faced Bastien. “It’s also about happiness though. The kind of happiness we have when we stop being selfish and start caring about other people and other things.”

They got to the center of the maze and Rinda gasped. “It’s even more beautiful than I imagined it would be. I love climbing roses in a garden, rambling around everything.” She reverently touched the swing.

Bastien blushed, unsure of what to do. “Um, Rinda. Do you want to sit in it? I can . . . ”

She turned to Bastien and shook her head. “In the story, the uncle was a recluse because he went insane with grief. He and his wife created that garden, and they trained the roses to cover the tree. The tree didn’t have a swing but Lilias, his wife, liked to sit on a branch in the tree. There was an accident when the tree branch broke, and she died from the injuries. That’s why the uncle locked up the garden and threw away the key.”

Rinda wasn’t sure how to explain the next part. It was important that Bastien understand what might have motivated Liam’s mother to include this beautiful tree with such a dark history. “It isn’t morbid that Liam’s mother created this garden with the tree. I just don’t think it’s meant to be . . . romantic. It’s supposed to be a magical place where children play and where people can forget that they are outsiders who don’t really fit in. And the maze . . . maybe that was her way of creating the adventure of finding the secret garden and sneaking into it. Because that’s part of the magic too.”

Bastien had a tender look in his eyes. God, Rinda reminded him so much of her. Rinda quickly slipped off her sandals and walked closer to Bastien. “Hey, this place is magic, remember? It’s a place to heal and to play . . . TAG!” She was laughing when she touched Bastien’s shoulder and ran off, quickly getting lost in the maze as she yelled to Henry that Bastien was “it.”

. . . . .

Rinda was in bed when she heard the soft knocking. “Rinda? Are you still awake?” It was Bastien. She crawled out of bed and opened the door.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

“Yes, but we could use your help in the library. Do you mind joining us?” Bastien saw her turn toward Henry’s room. “If we’re gone awhile I can have a guard check on him, if you’d like.”

Rinda shook her head. “He’ll be fine. Now that he’s slept here one night it’s not as big of a deal if he wakes up and I’m not here.” She suddenly looked down, realizing how under-dressed she was. “Here, just give me a minute to change into something else. Not that anything will beat the smiling bananas pajamas.” She left the door halfway open while she grabbed some clothes and slipped into the bathroom. She came out a couple minutes later, and Bastien was still waiting in the hall, his back discreetly turned away. “Okay, what’s up?”

Bastien led Rinda to the library, and she was shocked to find Mara and other Royal Guards working on a laptop and examining the book shelves. Mara gave Rinda a quick smile. “Hi Rinda, thank you for coming to help us. I’m sure Bastien already told you, but everything that happens here is confidential. You were never here.” Rinda nodded.

Bastien continued. “We’ve been checking the Queen’s other books for notes, like the one you found last night. We’ve found others that have been very helpful.” He paused. “And I know King Liam appreciates that you found his mother’s note for him.” Rinda gave a sad smile, thinking about a boy losing his mother at such a young age.

Bastien cleared his throat. “What’s a four-word password that you think the Queen would have used? We’ve already asked Liam, but he doesn’t have many concrete memories of her.” He paused. “The other guards who knew her can’t think of anything either.”

Mara quickly added, “We’ve tried ‘Liam,’ ‘Mary,’ ‘tree,’ and ‘rose.’ We also checked the words in the notes she left—in English and French—and we can’t think of anything else. We thought you might remember something else from that book, or maybe from the other books on that shelf? It’s a long shot, but it’s worth a try.”

Rinda nodded. “Try wick w i c k. Moor m o o r. Rinda was talking to herself. “Might I have a bit of earth? Terre. No, that’s five.” She looked up again. “I can think of other important English words, but I might need help translating them to French. And into Greek for sure. And can you please tell me the list of other books again?”

Mara was already nodding her head to Bastien before turning to Rinda. “No need. You’ve already figured it out.”

Rinda was surprised. “Really? That’s all? That was easy enough!” She quickly turned around to let herself out.

“Rinda?” It was Bastien.

“I know. I was never here.”

“No, thank you. I’m sorry I can’t explain, but please know that you’ve done more this weekend than you’ll realize.”

She gave Bastien a shy smile. “Thank you, I appreciate that.” She quickly looked around the room. “Good night everyone.”

. . . . .

Bastien messaged Rinda and Drake few hours later. I need to help with additional security this morning. I’ll be an hour or two late for fishing, so just go without me.

Rinda groggily reached for her phone and messaged back. I don’t mind waiting for you. Drake can decide if we need to leave at the ass crack of dawn for good fishing or if he wants me to do football drills until you get there. But if you can’t join us that’s okay too. Please just focus on what you need to do and we’ll see you when you’re done.

Rinda paused and then sent a second message. And do you ever sleep?

Drake was awake too. Heh. I’m still up and drinking, so I’m okay with a later start. Let’s make it 9:00 and I’ll drill Rinda until you get there.

*Snort.* Drake, you’re such a cute little puppy. I don’t think Bastien wants your sloppy seconds. And what are you drinking, and where?

Whiskey. Downstairs. What sloppy seconds?

Bastien grinned. It’s better not to ask. Okay, I’ll try to rescue Rinda by 9:30 and she’d better not be too tired to go fishing.

What the hell are you two even talking about? And I’m not a cute little puppy.

Rinda laughed. Okay, you’re a sweet little marshmallow. Better?

No. Now let me drink in peace.

Bastien was about to exit the conversation but thought better of it. He just silenced the conversation so he could read the rest of it later.

. . . . .

Drake, so whiskey. Is it okay if I join you if I promise to stop talking? No judgement if I leave my kid alone in a huge palace while I go tie on one?

Heh. Why not.

What kind of whiskey. If it’s really cheap stuff I need a handful of Tums and some serious greasy-spoon breakfast when we’re done. It sucks to get old.

Oh, no. This is the palace whiskey. I know where the good stuff is kept.

Send me the coordinates. I’m on my way!

. . . . .

Bastien was laughing as he caught up with the conversation a few hours later. It sounded like Drake and Rinda were getting along and would work well together, if he chose Drake for the position.

Working well with Rinda. In so many ways she was easy to work with, and he appreciated how understanding she was of his career and its demands. But in other ways it was challenging to figure her out. She was so easy going and confident . . . until she wasn’t. She would suddenly get shy and ask questions about the oddest things like double dipping. And she said her best friends were double dippers. Did I even answer her question or did I give her my silent stare and make her uncomfortable? She couldn’t even order her own food that night. She had been too busy taking everything in, and she knew they were hungry and ready to order. Henry said Rinda and Jameson would laugh at how bad she was at ordering, so Jameson would have to help her and order for her. Henry was the one who suggested she sit down while they order the food. And Rinda didn’t even ask to try his food, even though she mentioned earlier that she’d like to. What did I even say to her when we were joking about Joey sharing food?

Fuck. For a person whose job it is to read people, he was an absolute idiot when it came to Rinda.

#bastien lykel #choices trr #ofc rinda parks #a mother's love series

15 notes · View notes

kindaangelic · 7 years

Text

BatFam Week Day 5: Legacy

Na na na na na na na na na…BATFAM!

BatFam Week Day 5: Legacy

———

Day 5: Legacy

“Damian, what are you doing?” Bruce asked, wading through the pool of cloth that was surrounding his youngest.

“Tt. I am sewing, Father.”

“Don’t you *tt* at me,” Bruce seethed. “What are you sewing?”

“A costume for myself.” Damian stood up and guided his father to a chair, sat him down, and then climbed onto his lap and took Bruce’s face in his hands. “I want you to listen to me, Father. I am making my costume for when I shall pass on the mantle of Robin and adopt another identity.”

“Huh?”

“It is tradition to adopt another persona before finally stepping into the shoes of Batman. Grayson did it, and practically everyone else has their own superhero identities. I am getting on in age, Father - I am ten years old now. It is high time that I started planning for my future.”

Bruce held back the biggest grin throughout Damian’s speech, and adopted a faux serious expression to address him. “I see. Which persona will you choose?”

Damian held up a black, skin tight outfit with blue highlights that was clearly inspired by Wayne Manor’s resident sentimental blob. “I shall be the second Nightwing, and I will strike fear into the shriveled hearts of evildoers in my city!”

Bruce sat, shaking with silent mirth at Damian’s new identity. He pursed his lips and forced himself looked suitably sad. “Oh, I see. Very well, Damian,” he sighed theatrically, “I will let you go. I’ll have to just fly solo from now on. No Robin, no son, no…” Bruce trailed off sadly and stared into space. “I’ll be fine. It’s just…I thought that I would have a son who wanted to be with me for longer. But I guess I’m just going to have to get used to the fact that I’ll have to patrol alone now. All alone in Gotham, with no partner, no one to watch my back…oh well.”

Damian’s eyes widened until they looked more like coins and shook his head violently. “No father! I didn’t think of that! I can’t simply leave you all alone; after all, you are getting older-”

“Hey, now-”

“-and I cannot trust your deteriorating senses. No, I will stay with you until you inevitably get another child. What with Drake and Todd being virile males, and your compulsion to pick children up off the streets, it shouldn’t be that long, another three to four years at most-”

“It’s not a compulsion, that just makes it sound wrong-”

“-yes, yes, I see now what must be done. Don’t worry, Father, I won’t go anywhere,” Damian said, patting Bruce’s cheek tenderly. “I will find Todd or Drake and tell them to find potential children, either for you or for themselves to adopt. Don’t hassle yourself,” Damian said decisively, jogging out of the cave.

“What about Dick?”

Damian looked at Bruce like he had lost his mind. “Grayson will not be having any more children, not until I’m through with him. That will be for another eight years, and after that, he will be so fulfilled, he won’t want another.”

Bruce sat in his chair, slightly disturbed, as Damian ran out of the cave, yelling for Jason and Tim to gather quickly, as he had life changing plans for them.

————

“Bruce, why as Damian being leaving these pamphlets on my desk?” Tim asked tensely, smacking a stack of papers on Bruce’s desk.

Bruce picked one up and read, “Your Life with Children - Find Fulfillment in Adopting a Child and Embracing Motherhood,” Bruce muffled a laugh and laid down the pamphlet. “I guess Damian really wants to be an uncle.”

“Bruce!” Jason stormed into Bruce’s office, dragging a small, squeaking, redhead behind him. “What is this!?” He cried, pointing at little Colin Wilkes, who was looking adoringly at Jason.

“Damian said that you were gonna to adopt me, Mr. Hood,” Colin said in awe of the gun toting anti hero.

Bruce groaned and slapped a hand down his face. “Damian!” He roared. “Get in here now!”

Damian slunk in and stood next to Colin and nodded approvingly. “Ah, good, Colin’s adoption has been competed. Colin, from this day forward, I am your uncle. We will, of course, remain best friends forever.”

“Damian, you can’t decide who Jason decides to adopt, and even if he wants to adopt. He’s legally dead, for Gotham’s sake! Who let this happen?”

“Jason Todd may not be able to adopt, but my older brother Mason Podd, accountant at Wayne Enterprises certainly can. The press will easily accept that you’ve gone and adopted another child, Father, this will easily pass scrutiny. Now, Colin can begin training as Robin, and I will slowly transition into the role of Nightwing II.”

Jason and Tim gaped at the declaration while Bruce sat stunned. Colin looked as pleased as punch, and hugged Jason’s leg. “I’m going to get a family! This is so cool!”

Jason cleared his threat and looked pointedly at Damian. “Ok, let’s get something very clear. No kid of mine is going to be fucking Robin,” he said, glaring. “I don’t want Bruce giving them any ideas, like righteousness and shit. Any kids I have are going to be trained by me.”

“I’m not an adult yet, so I can’t adopt,” Tim chimed in.

“You can procreate and produce a child, can’t you?” Damian asked vehemently.

Tim shook his head. “Naw. I’m sterile.”

Bruce looked shocked at this information. “What?”

“When I rescued you from that time warp thing, the radiation basically killed my nads,” Tim shrugged. “I’m testing whether I got any meta powers from the radiation of time and space. So far, tests look promising.” Bruce looked apoplectic, and Tim continued. “That means that Damian can’t have anymore paternal siblings, because I’m pretty sure that you’re sterile too, Bruce. You didn’t even test positive for a meta gene, so you suck double now.”

Bruce glared at Tim and then at his own feeble testes. He was Batman, he should have been able to withstand a little radiation from the fabric of time and space, damnit! “You’re not a meta.”

“But I might get cool powers!”

“No.”

“Bruce, you’re so-”

“Silence!” Damian cried. “Cease your useless banter! It matters not that father cannot have another child of his loins! I told you that Colin will train to replace me, and I shall become the second Nightwing!”

Bruce looked at his tiny, seething, son, and picked him up. “What if I don’t want you to?” He asked.

Damian stopped flailing and looked up at Bruce in shock. “W-what?”

“I want you to be my Robin,” Bruce said softly. “Me and my little boy soaking across Gotham, watching each other’s backs and fighting crime together - that’s what I always thought we would do.”

Damian frowned. “But if I do not become Nightwing, how can I become Batman? The day is not far off when you will be too decrepit and old to carry the mantle-”

“Hey-”

“-which means that Grayson will take over. That means that I have to become Nightwing, and after Grayson retires, I have to be Batman.”

Bruce looked down at Damian and burst out laughing. “Being Nightwing isn’t a prerequisite to being Batman,” he laughed. “Dick was the ideal candidate at the time, but he hates the cowl. He just indulges his old father too much, bless him,” Bruce said with a smile. “Any one of my chidlren can take on the mantle if they so choose. Jason-“

“Hell no,” Jason scoffed. “I ain’t touching that suit. It’s probably got Bruce cooties on it.”

“Bruties,” Tims supplied helpfully, high fiving Jason.

Bruce silenced his sons with a glare. “Or Tim…”

“No thanks, I’m good,” Tim mumbled. “Angst isn’t a good look for me. I like a bit of colour in my outfits. You look like a smudge every night, B. It’s not a good look,” he informed his father.

“Fine, then, Cassandra!” Bruce decided. At that moment, his phone pinged. He opened up a new message from his daughter to a text that simply said, “No.” Bruce flung his phone down and looked at Damian. “What I mean is, you can be Batman if you can handle the weight of the cowl.”

Damian sat up straighter on Bruce’s lap, and looked him in the eye. “I will. I will follow in your footsteps and take over the cowl when my time comes, Father. I will make you proud!”

Bruce smiled down his son and ruffled his hair. “That’s my boy.”

———–

“Am I still being adopted?”

Jason looked incredulously at the small red headed child that had followed him home and sighed. “Kid, I’m nineteen, I ain’t adopting no one. Tim can fudge some paperwork and you can be my ward, if you really want to.”

Colin beamed at his new guardian. This was going to be the start of a wonderful new era.

———–

#batfamweek #batfamily #batman #batdad #bruce wayne #damian wayne #robin #jason todd #red hood #timothy drake #red robin #colin wilkes #dick grayson #nightwing #fluff #humour #crack #spontaneous adoption #adorable Damian

206 notes · View notes

florrickandassociates · 7 years

Text

TGF Thoughts: 1x09-- Self Condemned

In which I ramble about memory pops and repeat myself several times. I’d say I was trying to capture the stream-of-consciousness feeling of the episode, but really, I’m just too lazy to edit this.

This episode kicks off at 9:03 am. There’s a title card announcing this fact. I’m not sure why we need to know exactly what time it is, since lines about breakfast, mid-morning snack, and lunch could’ve conveyed the passage of time better than a title card. And since the time cards just kinda disappear as the episode goes on.

Maia and Lucca are waiting for Maia to be interviewed about her parents’ scheme. It seems like Lucca is Maia’s lawyer now, which I don’t love: what happened to Yesha?! I won’t complain too much, though, because I want Maia/Lucca scenes and I want Maia to feel like part of the rest of the show. But I also want to know where Yesha disappeared to.

Lucca briefly summarizes the rules of today’s interview: Maia is here voluntarily and nothing she shares in this interview can be used against her.

“Was your first year anything like this?” Maia asks Lucca. Good question. Maia has a lot on her plate, but this is still her first job. As someone who’s still in her first year out of college, I was excited to see the Kings’ take on a character who’s going through the same things I am (even if our careers and our circumstances are very different). But we’ve barely gotten any of that. And, while it’s not necessary that the writers focus on this aspect of Maia’s life (she does have bigger things to worry about, after all!), it’s something the writers could look at to add to Maia’s development. Alicia was always dealing with the sex scandal, dealing with the conspiracy/trial drama surrounding Peter, being a mother, and adjusting to going back to work and fighting for her job in her competition with Cary. Maia may not be juggling quite as many roles as Alicia was, but even still: she plays roles other than Daughter of a Scandal. She is a new lawyer. She is someone’s girlfriend. She is Diane’s goddaughter. There is no lack of potential material for Maia, which is why I’ve been (and will continue to be) so harsh on the writers for the way they have(n’t) developed her.

(And it wouldn’t even hurt the show or take up too much time to show Maia in other roles! It would make the show more coherent to have her at work more often; it would give Diane more material if she and Maia interacted more frequently; it would make everything a lot better if we got to see more of Maia and Amy’s relationship. And, if the Rindell Fund stuff needed to be minimized to make room to show Maia doing other things, so be it. That plot is in desperate need of trimming anyway.)

Lucca responds that no, her first year wasn’t anything like this (well of course it wasn’t; she was working as a bar attorney). She has a feeling her fourth year will be, though. Foreshadowing…

“You’re weathering it well,” Lucca tells Maia. Maia thanks her, and then it’s time for her interview. Hey! Wouldn’t this line play a lot better if we could see that Maia is either putting on an act and everything’s getting to her or that Maia has a strategy for dealing with this? Again (I’m going to say this a lot in this recap), we got that kind of development for Alicia. And Alicia didn’t have a live-in significant other she could talk to about anything.

Lucca and Maia walk into an interrogation room filled with lights, cameras, and a half-dozen FBI agents. “Oh, come on!” Lucca exclaims. But it turns out they’re in a different room with only one interviewer, played by Jane Lynch. The hallway is being painted and they have to go through the interrogation room because quirkiness. Also quirky: Madeline Starkey’s office, which is stuffed with all sorts of trinkets. And, if there weren’t enough quirk already in this scene, birds sometimes fly into Starkey’s window because they think it’s the sky. Lovely. Dead birds are quirk now.

Starkey explains with more specificity what Maia’s there to do, and mentions that the terms only apply if Maia is truthful. It’s a felony to lie to a federal agent, Starkey reminds her. Maia knows exactly what law that is.

“Maia, let’s talk about your parents. How did this Ponzi scheme begin?” Starkey asks first. Well that’s a broad question Maia wouldn’t necessarily know the answer to. (This is Starkey’s play—I don’t believe for a minute she’s interested in anything other than catching Maia in a lie.) Lucca answers for Maia, so Starkey rephrases. She wants Maia to share anything that comes to mind about her parents or about her Uncle Jackson. So, basically, she wants memory pops.

Meanwhile at the firm, Adrian needs Diane to help with another police brutality case. He has friends at County, so he knows when a new case pops up. And, this is an interesting one: the cop involved is Andrew Theroux, the same cop as the case from F101. If they fight this right, they can get this cop kicked off the force.

Adrian and Diane arrive at County and try to find their new client. They assume it’s a young black man who doesn’t look like he’s been involved in a physical altercation and who says he’s in there on a possession charge (but he didn’t do it).

Their real client? None other than Colin Sweeney. “Oh, Dear God,” Diane says when she sees him. Sweeney’s excited to see Diane. He asks if “Alee-see-ah” called her because she said she couldn’t take his case. Couldn’t or didn’t want to? I demand answers. (Nah, I don’t demand answers. I’m just glad this line is in here, since Sweeney’s one of those guest stars who mainly interacted with Alicia. He was always so fixated on her that her absence needs to be acknowledged for it to make even the slightest bit of sense that anyone else would be defending him.

Sweeney tells Adrian that “they’re out to get me. The same way they did with Rodney King.” EL-OH-EL. RIGHT.

Adrian and Diane (who thinks Sweeney is “the devil”) don’t like that they’re going to have to represent Sweeney, but they know this is a way to get the corrupt cop kicked off the force. The ends justify the means. (The show did as good of a job as they possibly could have—between this explanation and the Alicia reference—of bringing Sweeney onto TGF. He’s one of the guest stars that I think TGW used a little too frequently, but I’ll allow.)

Back in the FBI interview, Starkey gives Maia a date: the first criminal act took place on September 15th, 2008. I typed this date into my email inbox to see what I was up to then. Apparently, that’s the day I sent my first email to someone who’s now one of my best friends. (It was a link to the first Tina Fey as Sarah Palin sketch. How 2008.)

Anyway, Maia says, as any reasonable person asked to recall something that happened on some day nine years ago would, that that was a long time ago. “I would’ve been seventeen,” Maia says. So Maia’s 26 (possibly 27) now. “I was probably in school,” she continues.

Starkey points out it was the day Lehman Brothers went bankrupt, and that jogs Maia’s memory, which means… MEMORY POPS!

Maia remembers herself doing homework as the news played in the background. She’s at home, at the dining room table, still wearing her school uniform. (Maia went to private school, it seems, but that’s the least surprising reveal ever.) Also, sorry, but giving Maia really curly hair and a school uniform doesn’t make me believe that 30 year old Rose looks seventeen. It does, however, make it look like Maia grew up in a different era.

Maia remembers her parents panicking over the news. So far, these memory pops are nothing special, but it’s still early. They’re mostly a way of illustrating information, and that’s fine.

Starkey moves on to asking about an investor, and Maia says she remembers him being at her house on September 15th. She adds that Jax was there too. Maia has a good memory! (For some reason, all of this is making me think of the opening of Serial.)

She specifically remembers that the investor would be out eight million dollars if he pulled his money out, so her family told him to keep his money in.

She estimates that this must’ve been around 4 pm because she was still doing her homework. Girl, I was still doing my homework at 10 pm and was barely home from school by 4. Are you sure about this time frame? And if you are, what sort of school did you go to where you had so little homework you wouldn’t have been working on it much later than 4?! She also remembers that their guest was gone before dinner. This has gotten super specific.

Maia remembers that her parents discussed work over dinner. And this is where I want more from the memory pops. Maia is going through a time in her life where she’s reevaluating everything she thought she knew and questioning the perfect family she thought she had. Sure, Starkey is asking about one specific date, but wouldn’t it be cool if, for example, we saw flashes of lots of “typical Rindell family dinners” before we saw the one Maia remembers on September 15th? Did the Rindells always sit down to dinner together? Was that something they made a point of doing, something that Maia remembers fondly from her childhood? When she thinks about this particular dinner, is she only thinking about that dinner, or is she making a composite memory of lots of dinners? It is not interesting to me that Maia had dinner with her parents on September 15th, 2008. It’s not even interesting to me that Maia thinks she had dinner with her parents on that date. But it would be very interesting to me if I knew that the Rindells always sat down as a family for dinner.

Starkey has Lenore’s calendar from 2008, and it contradicts Maia’s recollection because Maia had a gyno appointment at 3 pm. Damn, her school must’ve let out early. Starkey wants to know how Maia remembers seeing Jax at 4 if this is the case. Uh? Because it was nine years ago and Maia gave you estimate times? (Lucca points this out.)

“I know that memory can be faulty. I’m just trying to get to the truth,” Starkey says. That’s a good thesis statement for what memory pops are meant to illustrate.

Maia does remember a gyno appointment, and her mom speaking with someone in the waiting room. She tells Starkey she was there. Why!? She remembers it was on that day? Why did you say yes, Maia? She says maybe she saw Jax and the investor later, which calls everything she’s said into question.

Starkey says it would’ve been impossible for Maia to be home by 4 because of the distance from the doctor’s office to Maia’s house. Maybe the appointment lasted 15 minutes. Maybe Maia got there early. Maybe she saw them at 4:30. I don’t get why Starkey is so stuck on the times adding up exactly. Or maybe she doesn’t care at all and she just wants to have reason to tell her bosses she suspects Maia’s a liar.

(Memory is malleable—note how Maia’s mental image of that day changes every time Starkey introduces a new piece of information. If Starkey said “you had fish for dinner that night, your father told me,” Maia would probably start imagining fish on the dinner plates.)

It would’ve been 5:30 by the time they got home, apparently. That’s a lot of traffic. And the housekeeper said she served dinner right at 5:30. And Jax said he was never there at all. I am not convinced by Starkey’s argument, though I also don’t trust Maia’s memories to be objective. I’m sure, in 2008, she overheard more than one discussion about the recession.

Starkey starts talking about some show she was on when she was eight, and then says that when she saw photos, she realized her memory was wrong. “The mind has a way of turning wishful thinking into actual memories,” Starkey says. That’s true. Not sure if that’s what’s going on here, but it’s true.

Lucca stops the interview. She and Maia have trouble exiting Starkey’s office because quirkiness.

Lucca, smartly, notes that Starkey is trying to catch Maia in lies. She advises Maia to only talk about specific memories. “I don’t want to hurt my dad,” Maia says. That’s obvious. She’s still—in her mind—making Jax out to be the villain, even after all the shit her father’s put her through these past few weeks. And this episode would’ve been the perfect time to find out why Maia’s so loyal to her father. “He’s her father” stopped being an adequate explanation the first time she broke the law to protect him. What produced this kind of loyalty? What kinds of values did her parents instill in her? Since she’s an only child, was she very close with her parents? Would her dad always, always find time to ask about her day, to help her with her homework, to offer to read over her essays? Would they chat about the news together?

This is connected to another problem I have with the Rindells, one I’ve touched on before. Maia’s parents are cartoon villains. Maybe if in just one scene either of them behaved like a human being, I’d have an easier time believing that Maia would care about them. Peter Florrick was always more than just Scumbag In Prison Who Cheated on Alicia. Remember Just Because Day? I think it’s in episode W1x04. It’s exactly what I would want from Maia and her parents: Alicia’s asked what she was doing on a specific date and goes to find information. She stumbles across a video from that date, and it refreshes her memory. But, before she realizes that Peter must’ve been with her the entire day, and not off breaking the law, she’s nervous. The video starts out with Peter in bed, and we don’t need to literally see inside Alicia’s mind to know that she thinks she’s found a sex tape. Now that she knows that Peter’s a cheater, she can’t help but see everything through that lens. She relaxes when she sees Zach and Grace on the camera, and then she recalls how wonderful her family was before the scandal—how good Peter was with the kids; how he surprised her “just because.” That’s a lot of information about Alicia (AND something that adds dimension to Peter) in one scene where all she does is watch a tape. How come we don’t get that much information about Maia when we get a glimpse into her mind?

(Yes, I know the point of these memory pops is to show that Maia knew all along but ignored the warning signs. My point is that I would love to see memory pops that suggest why she was willfully ignorant for so long.)

(I don’t know where to put this point so I may as well put it here: I would like this episode far, far more if it had been placed earlier in the season. Maia realizing she knew all along and is covering for her parents is a big deal, but it’s less of a big deal when she’s been suspicious of her mom for weeks, read her father’s suicide note about his “crimes”, and, oh yeah, made the choice to let her father stay in prison for the rest of his life rather than risk hurting anyone else. This is the kind of realization that would’ve added a lot of depth to Maia early on but feels too late now.)

(On a similar note, I would prefer it if Maia came to this realization through either a conversation—in private—with her lawyer or a heart-to-heart with Amy. I don’t give a shit about continuing investigations into the Rindells, and Madeline Starkey isn’t the only person in the world who could prompt Maia to question the accuracy of her memories.)

“If you lie to protect your dad, you might get him off. But you’ll end up in jail,” Lucca explains. Wait. This is still a question?! I know these legal cases take time but can we please be done with this one? Also: if this is Maia’s way of feeling guilty about her father’s suicide attempt and how she sided with Diane and the firm over her family, maaaaaaaaaaaaybe the episode could be clearer about that????

My overall feeling about the memory pops in this episode is: They’re better than standard flashbacks and they convey what they need to about Maia feeling guilty. But there was still a lot of character detail missing.

Also: I’m sure my disappointment has something to do with how little I care about Maia, even nearly at the end of the first season. There was always very little chance of me becoming as invested in Maia as I was in Alicia, so this isn’t entirely the show’s fault. But I don’t think it’s all a matter of personal preference. I won’t get into it yet again, but I think there are lots of ways that the writers could have made Maia a more interesting, three-dimensional character.

In court, there’s some sort of unfunny joke about a judge in a wheelchair who doesn’t want any help going up a ramp. I want to believe this is just to show us that the judge is the kind of person who insists on doing everything himself without asking for help, but it kind of seems like I’m supposed to find it quirky and funny that he’s in a wheelchair and can’t wheel himself up a ramp. It is neither quirky nor funny; it’s just offensive.

Case stuff happens. Sweeney says “all lives matter” and Diane shushes him. (“Shut up, Colin. I’m finally on your side.”) (Hey, speaking of people named Colin, where’s Colin Morello at this week? I don’t miss him, but where is he?) (Marissa’s not in this episode either.) (And Barbara may as well not be in this episode because they don’t give her much to do.)

My new favorite thing is lawyers on this show laughing because the law works in bizarre and wonderful ways sometimes. It happens at least twice in this episode and it happened last week too.

More birds fly into Starkey’s windows as Lucca and Maia return for more questioning. Starkey hands Maia her mother’s calendar. For some reason, Maia keeps remembering her mom leaning in close to Jax (first they’re both blurred out) when she’s at the appointments. I think this is meant to indicate that it’s slowly coming into focus for her that all her appointments were covers for her mom’s affair with Jax. But I’m not sure that makes sense. It’s not like Maia never went to the doctor, and I don’t know why she’d go straight to realizing it was a cover for an affair (Starkey hasn’t suggested that yet at this point).

Maia’s supposed to mark all the appointments she remembers on a print-out of her mom’s calendar. She remembers her mom talking to a gynecologist and so she puts a check next to that appointment. Okay but Maia, you going to the gynecologist doesn’t mean you went on that exact day.

Maia remembers lots of gyno appointments. Is there supposed to be a point to this? Or is it just to let us know that she had a boyfriend before she had a girlfriend?

Starkey then says that Lenore wasn’t at the appointments: she was sleeping with Jax. This is so aggravating to me. These things happened nine years ago. But Starkey is right: Maia shouldn’t be confirming things if they’re not true. When I buy lunch multiple times in a week, a week later, I can’t remember which day I bought a sandwich and which day I got pasta, even if I remember that I bought a sandwich one day and pasta another day. I really don’t get why Maia is confirming anything instead of second-guessing herself. (But then, maybe Maia just thinks differently than I do.)

Also just taking a second to acknowledge that Lenore Rindell is a shitty person.

Maia imagines her mother and Jax kissing in the hallway of her gynecologist’s office. She pictures herself turning away. This didn’t happen in reality (they were not carrying on an affair in her gyno’s office, I’m like 99.9999% sure)—this is Maia processing information. Get it? She sees the truth and turns away.

So now the question is: did Maia suspect anything? She sees herself turning around, like it was right in front of her. No, she says. She didn’t. Starkey wants to know if she ever suspected her parents of the Ponzi scheme, and Lucca insists on a break. Good call, Lucca.

At RBK, a guy from COPA is falling asleep on Adrian’s desk. Barbara and Adrian tell the COPA guy about their latest case. He’s interested when he hears which cop was involved. But when they tell him the victim is Sweeney… COPA guy laughs. And laughs. And laughs. And laughs. And laughs. And laughs. He rips up his notes and leaves, still laughing. He is my new hero.

Case stuff happens.

Maia looks at her contacts list in her phone. Lucca calls her in for more of the interview. Starkey offers them candy and makes up a story about her husband. Lucca calls her out on it—she googled Starkey. Seems Starkey is lying about whatever she feels like lying about. But she is good at her job, according to the interwebs.

Starkey responds by threatening Lucca. Cool.

Her next questions are about the Rindell Foundation. Maia is one of three board members. Starkey asks when the board last met. Apparently, years ago. In June 2011. And they never met again. MAIA. HOW ARE YOU ON THE BOARD OF A FOUNDATION THAT HASN’T HAD A BOARD MEETING IN SIX YEARS WITHOUT THINKING THAT’S SUSPICIOUS? (Later, we’ll see Maia say she cared about the cause, but actions speak louder than words.)

I don’t think I’m supposed to be on Maia’s side on this. I don’t think it makes her a criminal or complicit that she wasn’t more involved. But it does make her willfully ignorant, and neglectful (not in a legal sense, because I don’t know anything about the law). Maia’s led a life so full of privilege she doesn’t immediately think this is strange. And she’s so comfortable with her life, she doesn’t do anything that could cause a stir. It’s no wonder she feels guilty.

Maia explains that the foundation wasn’t her idea, but it was a good cause. I’m trying not to judge Maia for this, but I’m failing. I’m sure most eighteen year olds wouldn’t like it if their parents tried to force them into running a foundation, but it takes a certain type of privilege to hear about a foundation (even as an eighteen year old) and go, “ugh, daddy, this is a good cause but why do I have to deal with it?” instead of thinking, “This is an opportunity for me to do good for other people; let me make sure I get people involved to manage these initiatives.”

In Maia’s defense, she does remember asking how much they were sending. “It’s a lot, honey,” is all she remembers her dad telling her. “I don’t know,” she realizes. And she was okay with that.

She remembers asking again, that same night, while making pizza with her dad. “Yeah, but Dad, I mean, it’s got my name on it,” she said. Henry said Jax would open the books to her in a few weeks. We don’t get confirmation on whether or not that happened. My guess? Maia never followed up, because it would’ve been uncomfortable to follow up, and she was preoccupied with her own life.

Case stuff happens. It’s good for the RBK team.

Now we’re in a memory pop without first seeing Maia, which is a transition I do not like at all because it makes the memory pop seem like a flashback and not a memory. Henry, and a bunch of guests including Diane, are singing Happy Birthday to Maia. It’s her eighteenth birthday, Starkey explains: the day the Rindell Foundation was established.

“My parents, they, they knew I was interested in Africa,” Maia says, explaining why the foundation was gifted to her. OH YES, I CAN TELL YOU WERE INTERESTED IN AFRICA FROM THE WAY YOU REFER TO IT (IN THE PRESENT!) AS THOUGH IT’S A SINGLE COUNTRY. And from the way you totally knew what your foundation was doing (or not doing). And from all those board meetings over the years.

(I try not to judge characters and to understand them instead but oh my god, how can I not judge someone who says things like, “My parents knew I was interested in Africa.”????)

Next question: Was Amy at Maia’s birthday party? Yes, she was. Maia remembers that clearly, romantically. She pictures Amy smiling at her, looking directly at her, noticing her, standing out from the crowd.

It was the night Maia and Amy met! That’s exciting backstory! And, we get confirmation on an age difference: Amy was entering law school when Maia turned 18. I didn’t think the age gap was that big! Like, that makes Amy in these memory pops the age I am now, and the idea of dating an 18 year old now is like, LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL YOU’RE A CHILD. The age gap isn’t what’s strange to me—it’s not that big of a gap. It’s the gap in maturity and experience that strikes me as odd. But hey, it worked out for them, so who am I to judge?

(Good to get confirmation that Amy’s supposed to be four/five years older. That sounds about right.)

Maia’s boyfriend was there that night, but she ended up making out with Amy anyway. That escalated quickly.

Starkey also asks if Diane was there. Maia remembers her singing Happy Birthday. Of course, we don’t get to hear it, even though this is the closest we’ve ever gotten to Christine Baranski singing on the show.

Starkey wants to know if Diane offered legal advice to Maia’s parents in Maia’s presence. Lucca cuts in before I can type out, “isn’t that hearsay?”

Diane’s talking about a case she’s on, a guy who’s accused of killing a hedge fund manager who worked with Madoff. I don’t know if the timeline adds up or not, but it’s possible this is the case from W1x15, which has a case with that premise. Also, 1x15 is a really good episode and I just rewatched it last weekend. And one of the filming locations in that episode is the Rindell mansion. It’s where a corrupt hedge fund manager lived. I know that’s not intentional, but HA! (Sorry, Maia, but seeing Alicia walk through your house doesn’t do you any favors.)

(I CAN’T STOP COMPARING MAIA TO ALICIA. I HAVE BECOME THE TYPE OF FAN I CAN’T STAND.)

Maia’s torn between the pleasant memory of Amy and the unpleasant memory of Diane and her parents talking about the Madoffs. In Maia’s mind, Diane says, “I think [Madoff’s wife] didn’t know because she didn’t want to know.” Huh, I wonder where Maia got that piece of dialogue to insert into her memory.

“How could she not know?” Diane says, and it sounds like a judgment of Maia.

Since the foundation was being used as a front and Maia’s name is on the contract, Maia’s legally responsible for any of her parents’ crimes. Unless she tells Starkey about Diane’s advice, that is.

But Maia didn’t sign the documents on her birthday! She signed them on the Saturday before her birthday!

“Nice, Maia,” Lucca says after they leave the interview. “No, lucky,” Maia replies. “No, I’ve seen lucky. That was smart,” Lucca says and offers her hand for a high-five. (Can’t it be both? Maia totally would have signed the papers if it was her actual birthday. But it is smart that she’s thinking things through before talking now.)

Now it’s 1:27 pm. I don’t understand why these time stamps are happening and I especially don’t understand why the people at All Access have inserted the commercial breaks right after the time stamps instead of right before. I assume they’re meant to kick off each act that takes place on that first day?

Case stuff happens.

Another bird crashes into Starkey’s window. I thought it had to do with the way the light hit the windows, so why is this happening all throughout the day?

Starkey asks Maia if it’s correct she found out about the Ponzi scheme from the news. She says it is. “You graduated from law school in 2016, right?” Starkey asks. Maia says that’s right.

And then Starkey asks her about a celebration that took place at her parents’ house. Wait, who told her about this? From what Maia remembers, it was a small gathering. Maia, Amy, Maia’s parents, and Amy’s parents. So if Starkey knows about this gathering, does that mean someone close to her is talking to the FBI and making things look bad for Maia?

Starkey asks if Maia was living with Amy at the time. She was. (So Maia and Amy lived together in Chicago while Maia was in law school? Where did Maia go to law school? Or did Amy and Maia live in a different city and Amy just started as an ASA?)

(Amy’s parents look super uncomfortable around the Rindells—they don’t have that kind of money.)

But, Amy’s parents asked Maia about the possibility of her parents investing in the Rindell fund. Now I REALLY want to know who Starkey’s talking to, since Maia remembers that she didn’t even tell her parents about this request. Is Starkey talking to Amy? To Amy’s parents?

Case stuff happens.

“When the facts are on your side, you pound the facts. When the facts are not on your side…” cut to Adrian pounding the table in court. HEH. Nice transition.

I forgot to mention that Luke Kirby is in this episode as an ASA. He was on Rectify. You should all watch Rectify.

Jay does investigative work without Marissa. Cool.

Sweeney’s being considered for an ambassadorship. Diane, Adrian, and Barbara burst out laughing. As I said, I like this “lawyers laugh at things that are absurd” trend.

It’s not until 40 minutes into the episode that Sweeney mentions his reputation as a wife-killer. Sorry, new viewers. The show’s not being helpful with the exposition this week!

It’s a new day and Maia’s back at the FBI, fidgeting with her rosary ring. Now, the issue is that Starkey thinks Maia must have known something was going on at the fund if she didn’t ask about allowing Amy’s parents to invest.

Maia remembers a conversation with Amy (who apparently sleeps in a shirt that says BLONDE BESTIE” on it which tells me a lot about Amy) where Amy brought up the topic again.

Lucca tells Maia she understands that “rightly or wrongly, [Maia feels] guilty for your parents’ actions.” “That’s not what this is,” Maia insists. “You don’t even need to be conscious of it, Maia. Your guilt could just be coloring your memories. You could be seeing yourself as more culpable than you are. It’s your Catholic guilt. You are condemning yourself. That’s fine for the confessional, but here, it has real repercussions,” Lucca informs Maia. This is exactly what Maia needs to hear at this moment, especially that last part about the repercussions. If Maia wants to blame herself and ask herself why she was so willfully ignorant, fine. I think she probably was willfully ignorant, at least in the sense that she never questioned her parents or her own privilege. (Again, that foundation had one board meeting in six years.) But I don’t think anything she did would warrant jail time, especially given how young she was at the time. Guilt in the moral sense? Definitely. Guilt in the legal sense? That seems… like a waste of government resources. Maia doesn’t need to help the government make their case against her just because she feels bad that she had her eyes closed. It’s a lot to ask of any person, especially a young person, to turn on their family over a slight bad feeling. What could Maia have done, anyway? Gone to the government and said, “I feel like something’s off about my parents’ fund but I don’t have any specific details or specific reasons to think that”?

In the memory pop, Amy asks Maia again if she really asked her dad. “Lucca, I didn’t tell my dad,” Maia confesses in the present. “I must have somehow known about the Ponzi scheme. Otherwise, why would I have let Amy’s parents invest?” Lucca says that doesn’t mean anything (and I agree- I can imagine lots of other reasons Maia might not have wanted Amy’s parents’ money to be tied up with her parents’ fund, starting with the fact that it would just call attention to the fact that Maia’s super rich and Amy’s not). But Maia insists: she knew. (I feel bad for Maia here. She went from refusing to believe the people she loves, who actually committed crimes, could have been involved to blaming herself for everything.)

Diane and Adrian, late at night, debate strategy for the Sweeney case and drink scotch.

“Diane? You happy here?” Adrian switches the topic. “What, at your firm?” Diane asks. She is. “You wanted to retire,” Adrian explains the basis for his question. Diane laughs. “Yes. Well, life has a way of reminding you of who you are. Guess I’m not the retiring type,” she says. I bet Diane’s a lot happier here than she was at LockhartKeyboardSmash. “Are you happy here?” Diane returns the question. Adrian laughs. “Gotcha,” Diane replies.

“I like getting the better of people, and… keeping something alive. You know? Looking at there, at all those employees, realizing they might not have jobs if I don’t keep this going,” he says. “Yeah. That is a good feeling,” Diane agrees.

“Okay. Time to go home. Let’s get dinner sometime,” Adrian says so casually it’s almost like he didn’t just ask his business partner out on a date. “That’d be nice,” Diane replies. She looks startled but not unhappy with this idea. It’s not exactly a date, but, I mean…

(Remember how Will and Alicia were always supposed to get dinner in season 1?)

(I am cool with a Diane and Adrian ship. I also love McHart. As long as we don’t get a Adrian/Diane/Kurt triangle with Adrian as Will (I took you in when you were poison) and Kurt as Peter (the cheater), I’m pretty much okay with wherever the writers want to go as long as they do it well.) (Though I still don’t believe Kurt would have ever cheated on Diane.)

Adrian comes up with a way to get Sweeney’s case thrown out and, more importantly, the cop kicked off the force. It works.

At the next day of interviews—we didn’t see a single one of the day 2 interviews, just Maia panicking in the hallway—Maia remembers hearing Jax talking about an audit with both her parents, who closed the door in her face. Not sure what point in time this is supposed to take place.

She also remembers telling Amy they shouldn’t entangle their families’ finances. Maia remembers Amy asking if there’s something wrong with the fund. Did she? Does it matter if she did?

Lucca provides hypothetical reasons why Maia might not have told her dad that Amy’s parents wanted to invest. Makes sense to me. Also, proves yet again that Lucca is very good at reading a situation and saying the exact right thing. (She’s done this several times with Maia, but she did it all the time with Alicia, too.)

Sweeney isn’t going to be an ambassador, and he’s not going to help Diane with her civil suit. What a shame.

“I’ll drop by again,” Sweeney warns.

Maia tells Starkey that it just seemed like a bad idea to mix family and finances. Based on Maia saying “the truth is” in her answer, Starkey decides what she was always going to decide: Maia’s a liar and she knew about the Ponzi scheme. She’s going to recommend that they prosecute Maia. Good luck finding evidence.

Maia tears up, and the episode ends.

And this leaves me with two questions:

1) Do we have to endure another season of trial BS? This show does not need an ongoing conspiracy arc to work. In fact, the ongoing conspiracy arcs are usually the things that DON’T work.

2) Why didn’t we get to this point earlier? Not the point of Maia being prosecuted, but the point of Maia feeling guilt. I said this earlier, but I think these emotional beats would’ve been great things to hit on earlier. Now, after this episode, I have a sense of how much it affected Maia to be raised in a world where she never had to worry about anything other than herself. The stakes don’t have to be as high as an interview with the FBI and a potential prosecution to make Maia question everything, her own views included. They’re not going to send Maia to jail—at least, I’d be shocked if they did—so why do this arc? I would rather see her work through her guilt, reach out to her friends, reach out to Amy, start trying to do good, really throw herself into the firm’s fights even when she doesn’t understand them, or something like that. To me, that’s more interesting than watching the team come together to defend her.

(I expected to be harsher on this episode than I ended up being. I’m pleased that I liked it more on rewatch.)

(And sorry for all the Alicia mentions. I hate it when people insist on comparing a new character to an old character, but I just can’t stop doing it when it comes to Alicia and Maia. I’m trying to keep my comments to the storytelling—what works and what doesn’t when building a character whose notable for their connection to a big scandal—but I’m sure that what a lot of it comes down to is just that I love Alicia a lot and will take any opportunity I can to write about her.)