#thanks adhd very cool can you do this for my school work instead actually please (I'm literally procrastinating while writing this)

[glass-oranges]

Hiiii I made a core picrew if u wanna check that out I think that would be super cool <3

[gaysimpsstuff]

Fatgum As a Dad

This was inspired by a conversation I had on a discord server, we all have daddy issues and want Fatgum to adopt us so here’s all the shit we collected.

There are some serious themes in here, mostly regarding the biological parents of the kid, but it’s vague as possible. If anyone wants me to add a trigger warning please let me know.

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It all started when he was a kid, when he learned what an orphanage was. One of the kids in his class mentioned being from one, so when he got home he asked his parents about it. 

“Mom, what’s an orphanage?”

“Well, Taishiro, it’s where children that don’t have parents go. Then people can come and adopt the children. Why do you ask.”

“A kid at school said he’s from one, when d’you think he’s gonna get adopted?”

“He might, not all children get adopted. Some of them stay in the orphanage until they’re adults.”

“BUT THAT’S NOT FAIR!” he shouted. “EVERYONE DESERVES A HAPPY CHILDHOOD!”

“Well, honey, life’s not fair. And not everyone gets a happy life. It’s how most villains are made, actually. They were hurt more than everyone else and couldn’t handle it anymore. Not all villains are like that but many are. I think you should stay away from that kid, Taishiro. He might turn out a villain.”

But he didn’t stay away. And he made it his mission to become a pro hero so he could make a ton of money and help as many people as he could. He’d help even villains, keep them from doing something dangerous and inspire hope in them.

Then, he’d adopt any kid who needed a father. All the orphanages and foster programs would be empty. Homeless children off the street and in his house, being fed and clothed. He’d care for each and every one of them, not wanting a single person to feel like they didn’t belong. 

He finds most of his kids at pride parades. He walks around with a shirt that says ‘FREE DAD HUGS’ and a box full of candy. He remembered one of the kids walking up to him slowly.

“Um.. are you Fatgum?” 

“Yes I am!”

“Can I have a hug?”

“Yes you can, Kiddo!” he got down, and the kid put his arms on his stomach (Fatgum’s too big for anyone to fully hug, the dude’s taller than Allmight!) he wrapped his arms around the kid before he heard sniffles. He looked down and saw that the kid was crying.

“M-my parents never hug me like this!” they exclaimed. “They haven’t since I came out. They want to kick me out when I turn thirteen!” 

“Can I have their number? I’m going to... talk to them.”

He ended up taking the kid’s family to court, and since the parents were going to just kick the kid out anyways, they let Fatgum adopt them, but they kept nagging him about how he was ‘going to be raising a little demon.’

“Then call me Lucifer.” he spat right back. Now, that kid’s grown up, has pride flags all around their walls, and doesn’t ever doubt that they’re loved.

Fatgum probably bakes with his kids. Helping them up onto the counter to mix ingredients and play with the dough. If they mess something up or break a glass, it’s fine. He doesn’t yell at them or sigh and shake his head, he just kissed the kid on the forehead and helps them clean up the mess. 

The food always turns out amazing, and Fatgum always tells the kids that. All of his kids are now Gordon Ramsay level chefs and have probably met Gordon Ramsay. 

No matter what their body type is, Fatgum tells his kids their handsome/beautiful and are model worthy. If anyone comments of one of his kid’s body, whether it be negative or... ‘positive’ in a creepy way, you can expect that they’re getting slammed into the ground. No questions asked.

One of Fatgum’s kids is really good at make-up. Like, really good. So Fatgum did the only thing a rational father would do. 

Ask for a make-up job.

It didn’t end all that well...

“Hold still.. I gotta get the eyeliner on.”

“Gosh, Kiddo it’s making my eyes water.” 

“I know, just hold still... aaaand...... done! Now don’t touch it or it’ll smear!”

“Wow, that looks great! You’re really good at this!”

“Thanks, dad- you smeared it already didn’t you?”

“....Nope.”

Fatgum: I'm not gonna do it, it just seemed like a good option. 

Fatgum not even two seconds later after seeing a trans kid crying: now carrying said child on his shoulders while his spouse is chuckling in a corner after signing adoption papers I did it.

This man would get his kids almost anything they wanted. Especially kids with ADD/ADHD/Autism/Tourettes/Anxiety who need stim toys.

Kid: chewing on their nails.

Fatgum: here take this stim toy, and this one, you chew this one so that might help-

Kid ends up with more stim toys than they can count.

Fatgum: just doing his job 

The Daddy Issues Gang: Hi dad- oh shit wait- Hi- I- fuck- trauma ensues. crying

Fatgum: grabs the daddy issues gang we're going to the nearest courtroom say hello to your new father its me im the father ok lets go.

Kid: um, dad can I talk to you? 

 Fatgum, turning around quickly: yes? 

 Me: ‘he moved so quick, he's mad at me, I'm gonna get yelled at’ Sorry, sorry! 

Fatgum: uh, no. I'm getting you ice cream and a new stuffed animal no questions asked

He'd just know when something's wrong, and he’d be great at comforting.

His usual style of comfort is to let the kid sit on his stomach and tell him what’s wrong. His body is one giant pillow for his kids to lay on, he can fit at least eight of them if they cuddle in closely.

Once filmed a commercial dressed as the Cool-Aid man, and all of his kids were in the commercial.

Fatgum: Busts down wall  “OH YEAH!”

Director: “And CUT! Okay, try a little more aggressive-”

Fatgum, in tears: “I don’t wanna scare my kids.”

As stated before, if anyone makes his kids feel bad he’s punching them to the ground, but sometimes he’s not in a position where he can do that. Like if a Karen mom ever comes over.

"Linda stop bringing lemon squares if you're going to talk about my son that way because they're just as sour as your attitude."

Fatgum but he slaps the toxic members of your family and tells them to do better or he's taking you.

Then takes you anyway because you prefer him.

Fatgum with a sweater that says ‘mr dad guy on it’

Fatgum definitely watches ATLA, and quotes Uncle Iroh daily. When his kids are minding their own business they suddenly hear

“Leaves from the vine... falling so slow...” 

INAUDIBLE CHAOS AND PANIC

Fatgum agency cosplayed ATLA characters on Halloween.

Fatgum was Iroh.

Kirishima was Sokka.

Tamaki was either Momo or Appa.

Maybe get a couple others in on it too, Mirio could be Aang and if Kirishima convinces Todoroki to join for a while he’d totally be Zuko.

Fatgum lets his kids squish his face.

Fatgum used to work with a hero who was hard of hearing, so he learned sign language to help them, and he’s got the skill saved in case one of his kids might be deaf.

So one day, Kirishima invites Bakugou on patrol with him, and we all love that headcanon of Bakugou going deaf, so when he gets pissed at something, he starts insulting everyone around him in SL.

Fatgum notices and starts signing back to him.

YOU’RE ALL MOTHERFUCKERS AND I HATE YOU ALL!

Hey, now, let’s calm down and not call everyone motherfuckers.

FUCK YOU TOO

Bakugou...

Everyone thinks that they’re doing magic, because they’re making all these shapes with their hands and keep looking offended at each other.

Now, Fatgum tries his gosh darn hardest to keep up with the memes, so when his kids come home with good grades, he says “That’s so pog, Kiddo!”

All of his kids are embarrassed.

In the middle of a battle, he throws Kirishima at a villain and they both scream “YEET!” the villain afterwords forever lives in fear of the word ‘yeet’ because he thinks it’ll result in a human rock being thrown at his face.

Fatgum can’t text very well, because his fingers are just too damn big-

sonhsisntextsblooklikehthis'

Translation: so his texts look like this

you learn to understand his texts

Someone better get him a large tablet instead of a phone

If he gets married after he adopts the kids, there’s going to be a huge competition over who does the rings and who does the flowers etc.

If any of his kid’s ever bring home a romantic partner, you can bet your ass he’ll be all over them.

“What’s your average grade?”

“E-eighty percent sir!”

“And do you take sports?”

“No sir, I wish to be a biologist.”

“I see, I see...”

“DAD, YOU AREN”T INTERVIEWING MY PARTNER, ARE YOU? YOU SCARED OFF THE LAST THREE I DON’T WANNA DEAL WITH THAT AGAIN!”

“SORRY, KIDDO! I’LL LET THEM GO NOW! I’ve got my fucking eyes on you. Don’t screw this up.”

Hope y’all enjoy this, if y’all want I can write some headcanons for if Fatgum’s kid becomes a villain-

[chickenfreeblog]

chicken i'm a teacher and i feel like a lot of the advice given to teachers for how best to support students with adhd comes from the neurotypical community. things like chunk information into smaller parts, give frequent breaks, use fidget toys, etc. and maybe that's all good advice (??), but is there anything you wish teachers would do differently? things that would give your brain the best chance of learning?

oh man this is such a good thoughtful question & one that i hope every teacher thinks about, but i know it’s tough so i really appreciate that you are!! i think the ones you gave are pretty good practical tips, honestly? i’m hoping other people will jump in because i just have my experience to speak from.

a couple things that i would say that are less... concrete but just stuff i wish my teachers had known:

- the formal dx isn’t everything / don’t assume that kids are neurotypical

i know there’s a lot of paperwork and stuff around these issues for you guys, so this can be a little tough to manage. one thing that happened to me though and that i hear a lot from friends is just like..... it’s hereditary, and also there’s a lot of stigma around being neurodivergent, especially in older generations? i know my mom really pushed back against anyone that suggested that i had adhd, because she has the exact same symptoms and was kind of like Why Are These Teachers Using This Parent Teacher Conference To Call Me a Big Freak. i know other parents that just think it’s too weird to have an nd kid and basically picked any possible weird workaround over getting an actual diagnosis. i think a lot of teachers kind of look at formal dx as a way to separate kids who are lazy but normal from kids who have “real problems,” and that can get really super gnarly if you’re, y’know, a ten year old whose parents just don’t believe in the idea of adhd for whatever reason.

- don’t assume that kids aren’t trying?

i know there’s totally just some kids that need more motivation for whatever reason, but...... i think the flipside is that..... you can also just put a ton of pressure on a kid who is genuinely trying super hard? i think a lot of teachers have a little bit of an idea that there’s a series of magic words that they can say to properly motivate a kid, and then presto, they’ll follow directions and be Fixed. and definitely they mean well!! but also i think you can really easily make a kid shut down if they’re trying their absolute hardest & none of the adults around them are perceiving it at all? it honestly was pretty traumatic to want to be good at school So Badly and still have every adult be constantly like okay...... we need to talk about why you’re lazy and don’t care and why you’re shitty at this, actually. i think my best teachers just really had a sense of humor about the fact that i was going to misunderstand stuff or forget deadlines and that it wasn’t a matter of them teaching it badly or me not caring to learn.

- if you figure out how to work with one kid with adhd..... congratulations you figured out how to work with one (1) kid with adhd

this is something that autistic people have talked about a lot, but i think it also really holds true for adhd? my partner and i always make each other a lil crazy because despite having Same Guy Disease we have uhhh completely opposite needs. jay’s dyslexic mcfuck and he wants verbal instructions and someone to talk to basically every waking minute or he’s like I’M BORED I NEED TASKS NOW!!! IMMEDIATELY!!! I’M POKING THE WORLD WITH A STICK. DO SOMETHING. whereas i..... cannot interpret verbal instructions worth one good goddamn and if you give me strict instructions and deadlines with no wiggle room i’ll simply get claustrophobic and die. like my ideal school situation is someone gives me a textbook full of problems and they sit in another room and never speak to me unless i have a question. genuinely. i know there’s some skepticism in ed about learning styles, but i do think for people with Sensory Stuff that just being... more thoughtful about how information is delivered and how they’re receiving it can really help? a lot of adhd people really struggle with written info or verbal info, and if you’re relying 100% on one option it’s... kind of impossible for them to Do School in any real way.

- just have a sense of humor / support kids if they figure out a way that works for them?

i kinda mentioned this earlier, but i think a lot of people fall into the trap of thinking that they can motivate every kid into doing things The Right Way, and then a lot of kids just shut down instead? genuinely the teachers i got along with the best were the ones that just.... kind of sat back and accepted that like, i was not native to their environment and wasn’t going to be able engage with stuff the way they envisioned. i took the same math teacher for three years of high school because at one point i just started ignoring her lectures & doing homework during every class. instead of confronting me about it she just was kind of like “weird!!! not technically a sin though!” and we?? got along great after that? like literally better than i had ever gotten along with a teacher until then. i didn’t even know you could go to math class and not cry! amazing. i won’t say i was ever super great at math, but i went from being the kid getting Fs on every single test and never turning in homework to being a pretty reliable B+ student. she totally could’ve gotten offended in that situation since she was trying dang hard to give an interesting lecture, but having her just kind of go “weird! okay” and not be like Callout Post: This Child Is So Annoying made such a huge fucking difference for me (shoutout to ms. butler thank you for letting me graduate high school etc etc)

let kids see other life paths without judgment

kind of in line with the motivation thing, but i think like.... yes kids with ADHD can absolutely thrive in academics, but also make it clear that it’s not a catastrophe if it’s not a good environment for them? there’s so much rhetoric around “you have to do well in 1st grade so you can get into harvard and be a lawyer” or whatever, and i think kids who struggle pick up on that more than people realize. i remember really genuinely feeling like there was straight up not a future for me if i didn’t find a way to just like.... get a new brain??? and i wish i’d had positive role models for the idea that like. you can have a cool interesting life even if you’re very bad at sitting in a lecture!! it’s fine!! maybe you can’t be an astronaut or whatever but it’s still worth trying to graduate and see what’s out there

OKAY my two practical tips: let kids wander the fuck around AND also. start a knitting club

okay this is just for me but lmaoooooooo my elementary school teachers thought i was gonna SIT STILL??? and THINK???? at the SAME TIME???? i don’t even do that as a 25 year old. please. you know those bikes that like power electricity generators? that’s what a hyperactive brain is like. if they’re not moving they’re just not doing anything. 

also yeah knitting club. you gotta. my 4th grade teacher sucked so bad on every single front listed above and she hated me soooooo much but she did teach me how to sit through a 30 minute meeting without crying. fucking around with string and sticks IS adhd culture probably. idk.

[emorishh]

literally all i need in life is for kids to think that i’m cool. literally all i fucking need is twelve year olds to laugh at my vine references and think i’m the coolest adult ever.

i’m literally so fucking far from the definition of an adult at this moment like. everyone my age knows how to function and is all like “look at me i can leave my dorm without panicking! look at me get groceries on a regular basis!” like no fuck that im so poorly adjusted bc my add wasn’t treated until my senior year in high school and now i’m fuckin struggling to take showers every couple of days let alone do my fuckin homework.

like fUCK all i need is to be liked by middle schoolers and children because they’re all so fucking valid and i just want them to think i’m cool so i can teach them and guide them and shit. all the validation i need comes from an eight year old gasping at my art because “wow it’s so pretty!!!”. like fuck yeah dude it sure is and i’m gonna start CRYING cuz ur just a bapy and i love u so much.

just like. fuck this adult bullshit i want the joy and simplicity of being best friends with a bunch of tweens doing some shit adults think is “cringey”. like. FUCK. ngl. just briefly, just to remind myself what it feels like. just briefly i wanna go back to when i was thirteen and i was able to actually write because i wasn’t stopped by crippling self doubt and executive dysfunction and all this weight pushing me into the mattress of my bed, the mattress with sheets i haven’t washed in weeks because doing a simple task is the equivalent of standing at the bottom of a mountain looking up.

i want to tell kids and young teens that life is really cool, and yeah it’ll be a dick sometimes, but things get better even if they get worse first. i want to make sure they don’t make the same mistakes i made. i want to encourage them in the ways i should’ve been encouraged, in the ways that WORK. not in the ways that just make me feel worse about everything. i want to tell every growing kid that yes, their problems ARE real and valid, and holy shit, PLEASE go to a psychiatrist, because the mental illness you think you have is definitely a mental illness you actually have. i want to tell them that self diagnosis is the first step in a real official medical diagnosis. i want to tell them that anyone who tells you to stop self diagnosing because they think you want to be “special” can and should FUCK OFF.

i want to tell them to get help sooner rather than later, i want to tell them that the bare minimum is better than nothing at all, i want to tell them that you’re RIGHT to say that adults aren’t always right, because adults are WRONG, like, a LOT. I want to tell them that being older is practically the exact same as being a kid, except you just know more. being an adult does not grant you access to infinite knowledge and understanding. being an adult is just being a kid with way more responsibilities and a lot more knowledge. being an adult does not mean you instantly know what you’re doing and can function normally in society, because fuck, SO many of us have NO IDEA what we’re doing, and we’re SCARED. i want to make sure they KNOW that adults are struggling too, that so many of us are panicking just like they are.

i don’t really have a great conclusion to this post. i just. FUCK. like. i just wanna be friends with kids because they’re so cool and it’s the best feeling ever when they think IM cool. cuz like, so many ppl my age know how to do stuff, and have like. jobs and friends and events they go to. and i just. i’m poorly adjusted and immature. and most of that has to do with the adhd that went untreated for the large majority of my life, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.

that doesn’t mean it’s separate from my personality.

cuz like i’m hyper and immature and awkward and weird and childish and chaotic as fuck and a lot of that stems from my untreated adhd. that shit caused my social development to basically become non existent.

i read books in class, i read books at recess, i read books during lunch. i loved to play with kids my age when we were playing tag or making sand castles or playing make believe games. but then everyone started wanting to talk instead of run around on the playground and i was alone and there was no more tag. no more easy way to connect with my peers in a way that didn’t involve talking to them. because when i talked to them it was awkward. i wanted to talk about mermaids and climbing trees and how cool the characters are in these awesome books i’m reading.

i just.

ugh.

life is hard and i’m not doing good. i want to help kids in the ways that i could’ve been helped as a kid, but wasn’t.

and also, going back to the very first point i made in this post, like, disregarding all the serious stuff...

having kids think you’re cool is THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD.

anyways thank you for coming to my ted talk, if you read all of that you’re braver than any us marine, and holy shit, if you’re reading this and you suspect you might have a mental illness but you’re not sure... YOU HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS PLEASE GET HELP BECAUSE EVEN IF ITS NOT THE ONE YOU THINK IT IS ITS DEFINITELY SOMETHING THAT WILL MESS U UP LATER IN LIFE IF U DONT GET HELP RN

okay i’m gonna stop typing now HAIL AND FAREWELL MY DUDES AND DON’T FORGET TO LIKE SHARE AND SUBSCRIBE UWU

[i-may-be]

Hello, if you are still taking matchups at this time may I please request one? ^^ I use she/her pronouns and identify as female, I’d love a male BNHA romantic and platonic matchup if you could. Aizawa is off the table because I get him sooooo often romantically 😅.

How I present depends on how I’m feeling. Sometimes I’m very feminine and colorful, most of the time I’m very casual and dress in darker colors, I try to wear shirts that don’t show my figure. I still try to stick out, I make my own necklaces and wear butterfly hair clips. Also 5’3” average weight if that makes a difference.

I’m a bit fearful of interacting with people but on the surface I am friendly, amicable. This is just a front, it’s super nerve wracking for me to interact with others because I feel I’m doing it wrong. ADHD but the inattentive side, I am forgetful and incredibly distractible to where it’s difficult to get things done every day. Everything is unfinished, whether it be laundry or my projects, doesn’t mean I’m not passionate about em. Quite the opposite, it distresses me a lot when I can’t focus on my goals, but I try my best at everything I do. Others describe me as a hard worker and spontaneous. I am also described as irrational and hyper-sensitive at times. I take most things to heart and drive myself into a rut trying to see myself from everyone else’s point of view. When I’m comfortable I’m silly/energetic, I like to make my friends laugh. I also like to listen and help them through their problems, I’d do anything for a close friend.

An artist and a writer, I love places that are colorful, artistic, and interesting, like arcades, museums, amusement parks, movie theaters. I want to be more active in my hobbies going forward, get into something like kickboxing, something that keeps me on my toes.

My type is someone with a strong personality, in any regard, someone with intense conviction. I want to be inspired, and they be inspired by me in turn. Maybe someone who is a bit more organized than I am but not a stickler.

Thanks so much! I’m sorry this is so long ;;

- 🌱

hello! thank you for choosing this blog for your matchup <3

PLATONIC MATCHUP: Izuku Midoriya

HOW YOU MET

Childhood friends!! You didnt grow up in close proximity with Bakugo though, you were more of a daughter of Mom's work friend type of childhood friend (if that makes sense??)

You first met at one of those fundraiser things that organisations to around the holidays for maybe new equipment or something, I'm not sure (is that common thing?? My mother's work place does it some years).

Anyhow, it was a disco and you were both stealing snacks because toddler moment ig. You both became fast friends, also a toddler moment!

Seeing how well you got along, your parents bunched the two of you together whenever these occured and you always had a fun time. You only became closer when you both exchanged number/social medias.

Slowburn casual friends to close friends! You actually heard a lot of gossip from his middle school years, you've learnt crazy stuff

RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

You two talking about your passion projects instead on pursuing your passion projects>> In fairness he is a lot less of a procrastinator but watch out because he actually does neglect hobbies for other hobbies sometimes it's crazy. Geek out about your cool things together!!

I think he would borrow your butterfly clips and then slowly get addicted to them. Like you will find a bunch just around his living space and there is no reason to comment because he will avoid all confontation out off embarrassment

This is a really random scenario but it has happened multiple times where you could go into his room or call him and he's just lying on his bed with that one maroon5 song in the background. You can just see him face down groaning+sighing into the pillow or staring at the cieling and in the back it's like like "I am in misery, there aint nobody who can comfort me~" dont comment on it please he is coping in his special way.

You know the people who go around with their best friend and they're like "yeah they're my bestie!" or "they're the best friend ever <3" or something and will give anyone who smack-talks them weird looks??? That's Izuku and he is petty abt it.

HANGING OUT

You don't have a choice, this man is absolutely going to aks you to study with him. He has so many study tactics to help you focus and he is always trying to cater to your needs bc hey, you're both tryna study and part of the hero course is being helpful(probably??)!

I think you guys would watch movies together, and he would fall asleep halfway OR he would be very emotional. The type to watch romcoms and cry to them, he really likes the Princess Bride. Ask him to go to the movie theatre and he will drop almost anything

Museum typa-guy, if there is a hero museum he's probably been there multiple times. Likes to see how people uses their quirks in the past, so he would just geek out about it.

Going out to eat+talking together. Maybe you don't even go to resturaunts sometimes, you could cook too! I think he would be the type of dude to know how to bake and cook to some extent because he would help his Mom around the house.

ROMANTIC MATCHUP: Mirio Togata

HOW YOU MET

You were signing up to a kickboxing group to try and, I dunno, learn kickboxing?? Be given pointers by a professional?? Something like that, but uh-oh, Mirio is the part time receptionist!

You both first meet when you ask for pointers on where to sign up and he points you over to the kickboxer lady trainer's office.

And so your journey begins! Sometimes when you come in or leave from training, Mirio is there on his shift and being the friendly guy he is, he greets you and may start a chat if neither of you are busy.

It took a while, maybe a couple months into your training for him to ask you out to a cup of coffee, and, well you accept!

It was a good decision to accept, because no only did you get a cup of your preferred drink for free, but you also had a delightful conversation with Mirio!

RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

The type of guy to warn you in advance if he's gonna rant. He'll be like "hey bro, are you free tonight? Are you in a mentally ok state? Enough for me to rant to you? I can wait until you're ready of course and your comfort is 100%" Like he will send a lengthy paragraph on text before you two meet up. When he starts the text you can just feel the itch of what he's saying and it's a simple yes/no answer really.

I'm not sure why but Mirio also gives off the vibes of someone who can be inattentive a lot. He has to make lists to follow so he can get things done and when you become a big component in his life, I feel like he would add reminders for you too! Very much a time keeper, and tries to encourage you to improve on it too!

Mans is an inspiration. Anyway, he probably wants to introduce you to his friends quickly. He's a lot slower on the family front, but you will be in an awkward proximity to his friends sometimes and at first it's awkward but they're chill!! Nejire and Tamaki are, of course, the first two you meet and while one is more sociable than the other, they both make an effort to become friends because it's Mirio and they trust him :]

Mf is so physically affectionate and he cannot notice it for the life of him. It's that troupe where it's like "doesnt notice touch" x "NOTICES the touch" and it's sweet and cute. Most of the time it's subtle things but once youre in a more closed environment this man is having some cuddles fr.

HANGING OUT

This man works out, he has some big fucking muscles, and he would absolutely help you get into whatever physical activity you wish! He is so helpful too, giving tips and being a supportive sweetheart. Probably the best person to go to for help <3

Arcades!!! Maybe you're going with a group of friends too, but you go together. You know those dance games??? He is going to destroy anyone who challenges him in that game.

Amusement parks! I dunno Mirio just seems like a very fun guy, who likes to go to all of those fun like places. He would probably convince multiple people in the friendgroup(if you're with friends) to join him on the biggest and/or fastest rollercoaster. The type to go on the most nausating rides and have a great time with it.

I think just sitting in each other's presences and doing your thing!! You could be doing some art and he could be writing a school essay or something domestic and fun I don't know, but it's nice to just be together a little innit :]

[thistangledbrain]

Day 16!

“Work/school”

Well...EDS robbed me of my ability to work 3-4 years ago, but I can tell you about prior stuff.

I started off going to college right out of high school, but realized I was just burning through money, because I had no idea what to major in - I have *too many* interests, and most of them don’t really translate to a well paying job...not enough to warrant the expense of the education, anyway. If higher education wasn’t so expensive in this country, I would be one of those people who just sort of...collects degrees, though. I daydream of that often...but, thanks to my oldest son, I’m sort of vicariously gaining a bit of higher ed in Physics, one of my *favorite things evarrrrrrr* (but I trip so badly over the math, so idk if I’d ever get far, myself). He sends me pics of his notes, video clips, and when he’s home, we love to sit down while he walks me through all the equations and the processes (and when he explains them to me, it helps him get an even deeper grasp of it sometimes, so it’s good for both of us ☺️). Quantum physics/mechanics and theoretical physics are 🤯 to me, and I can’t get enough! Astrophysics is pretty damn cool, too. One of my favorite things ever is when we nerd out together on this stuff. I remember when he was in high school and first started being interested in it...I was so excited I could barely contain myself (I was already very much obsessed with these sciences), and watched with delight and excitement as his passion grew. I remember he brought home this like 10-15 question beginner physics quiz he took when he first started, that he handed to me. “Can you answer these?” he says, as he hands the paper to me. “Fuck YEAH I can!!!” So I excitedly went down the list - there was only one question I wasn’t sure about (and I think it had to do with thermodynamics but I don’t quite remember)...I just remember HE got so excited that I was already familiar with stuff (like particles and waves), and it was in that moment that we just...gained this incredible connection that still makes me feel all gooshy inside. Physics isn’t the only science that gets me excited, but I’ve written enough about that for now 🙃...

So. Yeah. Maybe someday I’ll win the lottery, go back to school, and probably just stay there LOL...

You guys have already heard me ramble about the Marines, so I’ll leave that part out...

So my work history is similar to my school history, I guess. Rather scattershot. Since I know my keenest interests won’t make me a ton of money (without a degree) or aren’t really necessarily *career* choices, I’ve been fairly comfortable with...idk. Trying things out that I wanted to do, because being rich and having “things” just doesn’t...well, I personally don’t understand the draw, and it has never been a real goal. I’m flying high if I can pay the bills on time LOL...I have to leave the rest of the financial planning to someone else, because I just...don’t...care enough. The things I care about in life *require* money (what doesn’t), but obtaining personal wealth just to have more of it/more “things” baffles me (you can do your “grind” to have your “fat stacks” - my interests lie well outside of material gain, and this is something we just won’t connect on. Your Birkin bag and sweet ride mean positively zero to me as far as how I look at you as a person...except for the fact that I think it’s bizarre for someone to spend tens of thousands on a purse or shoes, and I question their logic lmao). I’m not sure I’ll ever know what it feels like to just want to be rich, and damn near kill yourself to obtain that big house and nice cars and designer clothes or whatever. I like nice things too, but frankly I’d rather actually live my life? I’m not gonna be here long...it makes zero sense to me to break myself for the material gain of “things” (and people who do that, actually upset me a bit. I feel like they’re missing the point....or, it makes me sad to think that their existence is so empty that things like labels and status symbols are what they’re hyperfocused on, what matters the most to them). That being said, I DO enjoy the *immaterial* gains - respect, love, making animals and humans happy and whole, growing my mind, sharing my experiences and knowledge for the benefit of others. This probably sounds way too candy coated and cheesy to believe, but it’s easy to prove through my actions. This is *genuinely* what matters to me.

My first couple jobs were not my speed, but I did learn a lot about how companies run (from an administrative & bookkeeping standpoint), and that’s been sort of my “fall back on” career, since - but it makes me really, really unhappy to be stuck behind a desk, even if the work is fairly interesting or challenging. I’ve also been a horse stable manager, an exercise jockey for race horses (shattered pelvis ended that venture though), worked in an exotic pet store (I LOVE reptiles!!!!), and dabbled in nearly every trade in the construction industry (I am the quintessential “Jack of All Trades, Master of None”)...eventually landing in a position that I was very comfortable with - superintendent/jobsite manager for a smaller residential company. The job was always different from day to day, so I had little time to get bored. I guess that’s the big hangup - i don’t like being bored at my job. (I don’t like being bored, period, but rarely am...even though I live out in the middle of nowhere and don’t have gainful employment anymore. I have tons of interests involving animals, art, and building/creating, plus I love to read and learn. Or take walks through the woods and photograph tiny environments. Train and rehab dogs. Remote train and help people as far away as the UK. If I’m bored, I’m probably just being lazy.)

I’ve realized - and come to learn that many auties share this with me - that working alone or with a very small group of people is ideal. We all have our different strengths and interests, but jobs that keep our brains engaged and keeps us out of “general human traffic” are much preferred. I often wonder how many auties are also actually add/adhd, or if it’s just another facet in our prism. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s both a bane, and a boon, depending on the situation.

You’re HIGHLY likely to come across *a lot* of Auties in STEM fields...or lurking in warehouses and stockrooms, content to be left alone with their thoughts or music while they sort and pack. There are also a crapload of autistics in the creative arts - writing, music, acting, painting, and so on. You are UNLIKELY to find many auties in mundane tasks that require little thinking, long term.

One of my favorite bits from a Temple Grandin lecture was something about how over half of NASA would be gone without autistics, and back in caveman days, it wasn’t the social gabby gabbies around the campfire who were thinking up new tools and weapons - it was us antisocial weirdos off to one side whose brains *just never shut off*. 🤷🏻‍♀️ This is why I struggle to understand the people who think autism is some sort of ...horrible plight that’s descended on the human species. You’d be screwed without us, and I don’t care if that sounds arrogant, because it’s true. We might be weird and make you uncomfortable sometimes, but we do some DAMN cool shit. We just might prefer to do it in ways that don’t make sense to you. It doesn’t HAVE to make sense to you - WE don’t have to make sense to you (and we probably won’t anyway, so why do you keep trying? Try just accepting instead).

I’ve been slowly collecting links to Autie blogs, artistic works, scientific contributions, and so on. When I’m satisfied that it’s a broad cross section of who we are and what we do/contribute to society, I’ll share it...but in the meantime...

We might be more comfortable within certain parameters (like, “can I please keep the fluorescent lights off in my office”), but shoooo lawd, don’t sell us short on anything else. Just cut us loose and let us do our thang. ☺️

[wellinformedmama-blog]

Wait, what? (Vol. I)

One of the most confusing parts of parenthood is that we have to navigate several professional worlds outside our own to gain access to what our children may need: educational, medical, health, legal... it’s enough to make you go home and crack open a Bota Box.

Here’s a handy primer of jargon and acronyms (we special ed teachers especially LOVE jargon, and I apologize on my people’s behalf). Bookmark this one and remember that language should NEVER be a barrier in your involvement in decision making for your child. An additional rule of thumb: please never be afraid to ask what something means. You don’t look dumb and you aren’t bothering anyone; you sound mature and curious. Promise.

THE WELL INFORMED MAMA’S GLOSSARY, VOL. I (504 – A)

504 Plan: Section 504 is a federal law that prohibits discrimination and provides for accommodations for any documented disability which affects a life function. Sometimes this is a very good idea, indeed; sometimes, it’s a consolation prize when a Team decides against an IEP. It does not have the “specialized instruction required” piece of an IEP. As in: “Johnny’s 504 gives him extended time on assessments because of his processing speed.”

AAC: Augmentative and Alternative Communication – This includes any alternative means to oral communication, namely speech devices (aligning visuals to “speak” from a computer, often handheld) and PECS (picture communication – more to follow on that one for sure). We see this most often in autism and in apraxia. This is a huge topic but please remember that taking away someone’s “talker” (speech device) is the same as covering a speaking person’s mouth with tape. Not OK. As in: “My son used his AAC device to request he stay home from school and watch Octonauts.”

ABA: Applied Behavior Analysis - An evidence based, systematic, frequent therapy that individuals with autism (or anyone who wants to modify behavior or increase communication) may access. The “client” is exposed to programs that build tolerance, add desirable behaviors, or decrease unsafe or nonfunctional behaviors, for example. It’s the only recognized “treatment” for autism and is mandated by law to be covered by insurance (thanks, Autism Speaks). As in: “Sorry I can’t make it to playgroup, we have ABA today. And tomorrow. And the next day.”

ABS: Adaptive Behavior Scale - aka “The Vineland” - This is the assessment your Early Intervention specialist busts out to rank and file your baby; a necessary evil I suppose. They use observation, interaction using specifically mapped out questions/tasks, and talking to mom and dad to score your little one in four “domains” (skill areas): Communication, Daily Living Skills, Socialization, and Motor Skills. As in: “Bobby didn’t qualify for EI this year because her scores on the ABS were typical.”

Accommodations: A change in the way something is presented (presentation, time or setting, response) that does not change the intention of what is being taught. In other words, it changes how we teach, not what we teach. Good accommodations level the playing field and are NOT an advantage. Some are universal (or should be) and some need to be in an IEP or 504 plan. As in: “If these gen ed teachers don’t give Sally her accommodations on her quiz again, I’m going to lose my shit.” 

Advocate: 1. One who does her homework in order to be the voice of someone she loves. 2. Someone we pay when we are too exhausted or enraged to carry on effectively. As in: “That girl advocates like a mother.”

ADHD: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – this used to be either ADD or ADHD; now it’s all officially ADHD and then you get a “type” as a bonus prize – hyperactive, inattentive, or combined. In Massachusetts, for example, ADHD is actually listed under health impairment on the IEP as a disability category, and you really want a pediatrician or psychologist to deliver this diagnosis even with school-based testing (more on that later). Kids with ADHD are among my favorite humans: buzzy, busy, dreamy, kinetic, original. They need help. That’s fine, but you’ll often find they’re brilliant, too. As in: “That kid with ADHD in Sally’s class sits on a yoga ball instead of a chair.”

APE: Adapted Physical Education – Adapted or modified PE/gym, including the use of assistive equipment or a different curriculum, so that a student with a gross motor disability or a developmental delay can take PE. There are different levels of qualifications to teach APE and how it all works varies from state to state. I’m learning more about this myself right now. As in: “We may need to put APE in his IEP.”

Apraxia: Apraxia of Speech – This is a disorder in which the brain sends incomplete signals to the mechanical parts of the body that “do the talking.” Apraxia has no bearing on cognitive capacity (intelligence) so always assume competence when interacting with a person with apraxia. Some will move on from apraxia with intensive speech therapy; some will not. Many will end up seeking AAC. As in: “A child with apraxia still has something to say.”

Articulation: aka “artic” – The understandability or clarity of speech. Completely separate from receptive language. May include consonant confusion, dropped syllables, lisps, or mumbling. Many kids with speech delays who learn to speak later than is typical, and kids with frequent ear infections, have artic issues. As in: “Henry’s articulation is a mess, but his vocab is on point.”

ASD: Autism Spectrum Disorder(s) - This the formal name for an autism diagnosis in the official medical handbook DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition), which saw big changes in 2013. (For the record, I take issue with “disorder,” but I’ll get into that later.) It covers a wide range of presentations of autism, a developmental and neurological difference, that used to be differentiated into categories like PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Delay - Not Otherwise Specified in very young children) and Asperger’s (now classified as “high functioning autism” - also problematic, but that’s that). Side note – autistic is not a dirty word or dehumanizing descriptor, and one instance where people-first language is not a must. As in: “My ASD/autistic kiddo ate a vegetable this one time.” Now, importantly, in education, autism does not apply as a disability category if a child’s educational performance is adversely affected primarily because the child has an emotional disturbance, but a mental illness can be co-morbid with autism. (Confused? That’s OK. I got you. Stay tuned.)

ASL: American Sign Language - its own language and culture for a subset of deaf Americans; the signs are also used by some in the nonverbal community to communicate, and sometimes simplified for little ones. Signing in infancy and toddlerhood can help prompt language later on. As in: “Noah signs ‘more’ when we tickle him because he is an adorable baby-god.”

Asperger’s Syndrome: The name for a specific type of autism that medical professionals now call “high functioning autism.” This one is chock full of problematic assumptions about really cool, deeply neurodiverse and aware individuals. Many are verbal, but not all, and many feel challenged by social nuances or other communication demands. It may also encompass sensory sensitivities or executive functioning deficits. Or not. Many proudly call themselves “Aspies” and were diagnosed prior to the 2013 DSM-5 update. As in: “Will Big Bang Theory ever tell us outright if Sheldon has Asperger’s?”

AT: Assistive Technology - Any tool, electronic device or hardware, or any software, that helps a student access learning by removing barriers to access. Assistive tech includes communication devices, speech to text and text to speech programs, word prediction software, simply using a Chromebook to type, using an iPad or other tablet to submit work, audiobooks from Learning Ally, and much more. The possibilities are exciting, and can be a little tricky, too. You can request an AT evaluation from a public school just like any other assessment (tip: say eval and not consult). As in: “Hank’s plan has assistive tech. He needs to turn in his worksheets digitally or no one can read his handwriting.”

Auditory Processing Disorder: FYI, nobody really says “APD,” they say “auditory processing.” May also be called “Central Auditory Processing Disorder,” and then we do frequently use CAPD as an acronym. Anyhoo, this is a hearing issue that affects the way kids experience the world and learn, because it makes processing auditory information very challenging. They can hear, but have trouble telling the difference between sounds. Requires speech therapy and sometimes seeing an audiologist for medical intervention. Can frequently be mislabeled as ADHD. As in: “Billy’s not being fresh; he’s not following the conversation because he has auditory processing disorder.”

To be continued…