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tuesdayx · 3 years

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So I thought it would be fun to do a song-by-song breakdown of our latest album Essential.

Essential started as some rough demos designated for a side project in late 2019, which then became our largest album to date in terms of song selection. Many of the themes deal with learning to cope with the changing world thanks to Covid, with a perspective of someone who had to keep working at an "essential" job with no option of self-quarantine. I was happy to continue working and being able to pay my bills over the past year, but there was always elements of stress, fear, and tension lingering over myself and everyone else in my position.

So here we go; starting from the top let's look at the Songs of Tuesday X's 6th album Essential.

1. Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel Beams: the title was a reference to the 9/11 conspiracy memes, which as stated in the opening lines, "has nothing to do with this song." Written in January of 2020 before Covid had made any significant impact in the US, the song touches on many themes which happened to occur throughout the year, such as [another] Californian forest fire (Australia too), new diseases (Covid), a riot (the BLM movement over the summer, which I will state everything that movement has been fighting for is 100% justified and the United States is in desperate need of Police reform, as does our political system which has remained inherently racist to this day.), Civil War (and exaggeration for sure, but the civil unrest and political division in our country will soon split us apart further), more corporate giants(companies like Amazon profited more from this Pandemic than ever before and have helped further the gap between the American working class and the top 1%). Favorite line: "I won't get philosophical, I only wanted your attention."

2. The Only Difference Between You and Me is a Sense of Apathy and Your Brand New Nikes: This song is a blithing criticism of the American political system. Our two party system has left Americans with a choice between "the lesser of two evils" and allows politicians with no true interest in our needs to rise to power. The use of 3rd parties as an alternative is a overly simple compromise that would only just begin to alleviate the problems created in our political system. Both of our main parties are considered conservative parties to the rest of the world, and any progressive measures that would benefit society and reduce the effects of climate change are considered radical and preposterous by politicians with financial stakes in our crooked system where corporatations hold control and the people are treated as fuel for an otherwise worthless currency. Favorite line: "Listen to the radio, they played my favorite song. Now I'm bored and wanting more."

3. Blame it on the Elves: the title is a reference to an episode of the Podcast "Lore" by Aaron Menke (i can't recall which episode, but you should check it out anyway because it's great listen.) An instrumental interlude inspired by ragtime music of the 1920-30's, with an edge of course.

4. Class of Dropouts: This song was written when I was 16 during my sophomore year of high school and was originally featured on my now unavailable album "trees" before adopting the Tuesday X monicker. I brought it back 6 years later because I loved how raw and punk it was. The lyrics are dorky but I decided to leave them as is, it's a cool track for high school stoners to blare and let out their teen angst. Favorite line: "Walking in on my friends fucking."

5. Polaroids on My Bulletin Board: This is a song about growing up. As a 22 year old (now 23) who decided not to go to college straight out of high school, I felt isolated from my peers in a way. By going into the workfield right away I sometimes feel like I skipped a few years and missed out on a lot of opportunities. I regret not leaving my hometown sooner than I did and chasing my dreams of being a touring musician in a band. More often than not I reminisce of my youth playing shows and getting into trouble, as I now feel old and out of place in a scene I grew up in. Favorite line: "I know what it's like to be alive, I know what it's like to live a lie."

6. Labradoodle Underpass: Going back on the theme of growing up, this is about my recent experience with shows as an adult. When I was a teenager I felt ambitious and ready for anything, and I would drop literally everything to go to the nearest show. As an adult I feel introverted and constantly anxious about the world around me. I've missed out on a lot of great shows due to my own self doubt's and anxiety. Now that shows have been canceled for over a year I feel even more regret by not appreciating them more while I could. Favorite line: "23 years and a lingering fear that anything could happen, why am I here?"

7. Some Shit: This was me trying to be modest mouse lol jangly guitars and half talking/half singing vocals describing the world around me. I guess in a way it was an exercise in writing character description and setting, but otherwise it's just a chill track that almost feels aimless at parts. Favorite Line: "it's just some shit I learned from a friend. Just some shit I learned when I was trying to prepare."

8: Woe is the World: On the album this is a chorus snippet that barely a minute long (the full version is available as a bonus track on bandcamp, and it was actually a demo that turned out better than the final version.) I originally wrote this song when I was 15 with a different set of lyrics, but I came back to it while writing this album and re-wrote it to reflect my mental state and the world around me. Overall, just another melancholy track in a sea of melancholy songs. Favorite line: "you've never felt more alone than you do now, was everything worth it in the end?"

9. Then Why Was it Named Gideon?: the title is a reference to a line in Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour (my favorite series) and like the first track on this album doesn't have much to do with the song. "Gideon" is a simple love song, talking again about how growing up sucks but having the right person by your side can make all the shitty times worth it in the end. Favorite line: "it's time to move on, you're taking too long."

10. I am Here, I'm Looking at Her, and She is Beautiful: This song is entirely about the book "Perks of Being a Wallflower". That's it. Nothing else, let's move on. Favorite line: "Over Christmas I read them a poem about a brown paper bag and the boy who wrote it."

11. Try to Be a Filter, Not a Sponge: Like the previous song, this one is also mostly about "Perks of Being a Wallflower", but with elements of my own experience with toxic relationships. I like to think of it as the character Charlie's experience with Mary Elizabeth overall though. Favorite line: "She called my favorite book washed out trash, said I have no taste and I'm still too sad."

12. Lavender Spray Bottle: This instrumental dates back to 2017. I recorded the guitar part as a demo on my phone and forgot about it. Over time I forgot how to play the guitar part, so I used the demo as a basis and layered everything else on top of it. The title is a reference to a bottle of water with lavender essential oils mixed in that my ex used to fend away spiders in the house we lived in at the time.

13. Hindsight is 2020: I will admit, this is my favorite song on the whole album and was actually the last to be written and recorded. With a simple guitar part and layers of vocals, this song is a direct reflection of life during the peak of the pandemic. With curfews in place and rising case counts, I had to learn to cope with life at home during my late nights away from work. My partner was quarantined during this time and I reflected on the mental strain this put on her. Favorite line: "Don't go to work, you need the money but you're not happy when you're there. Sometimes life is so unfair."

14. I Don't Know How to Deal With Serious Emotions Without Turning Them into a Fucking Joke: the title came from a meme I found on my phone from high school. The song itself was about my own inability to handle serious emotions without coming off as sarcastic. In both the music and lyrics, the song starts as a simple confession before exploding into raw chaos. Favorite line: "it's so hard. I'm so scared, what have I become?"

15. Say Hello to My Little Friend: the last instrumental on this album. A short haunting tune that reflects the final two tracks. The title is probably a reference to Rambo or something, but I never watched it and I thought it fit the feeling of this song.

16. Minneapolis: What became one of the most emotional tracks on this song actually began as a joke. My partner was snap chatting a friend one night and they asked me to write them a song on the spot. So I improvised the first two verses and chorus of this song, referencing her going to school there at the time. I found I actually liked what I had written however, so I refined the track and changed it from a sassy country song into a melancholic lament of my experience in the twin cities and southern Minnesota. Favorite line: "I miss Camp Snoopy, and Paul Bunyon's log flume ride that went around the whole damn mall."

17. Before the Sunrise: the final song on the album is an intimate look at my relationship with my partner. Through past experiences i have become riddled with self doubt and always looking at improving myself as a person. With hopes that one day I'll be the person I'd like to be for mine and their sake, it's an optimistic tribute to my best friend. Favorite line: "the cycle ends until the sun rises again, you're my best friend."

Thank you all so much! Check out Essential and our other music on Bandcamp, Spotify, Apple, and other places! I hope you all enjoyed this personal look at these songs that got me through the worst parts of 2020.

#tuesday x #emo #music #alternative #art rock #diy music #diy #midwest #underground #lyrics #essential #covid19

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meadowclarke · 3 years

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For this week’s @flashfictionfridayofficial. I suffer from a serious inability to keep things short and sweet, so I went over the word limit. The first bit outside the read more still fits the prompt, though, so please feel free to read only that!

Title: One song

Characters: Marley and Brodie (lovingly borrowed from @emiltons) featuring Jessica as background noise. They don’t belong to a WIP per se, they’re just characters I love and write about because they’re dumb and do dumb things.

Summary: Marley is a hopeless romantic, a budding song writer, and a wedding singer. She’s always wanted to experience that show-stopping Love At First Sight people keep talking about, but when it actually happens it’s not exactly the way she’d pictured. This is a bit angsty because I like to branch out from my fluffy roots sometimes.

As a lifelong romantic, Marley had always been on board with the idea of falling in love at first sight.

She'd craved it, even. Written lyrics about it. Daydreamed -- and night dreamed -- about it.

And when it finally happened, it was exactly as she'd imagined it. Completely unexpected. One moment she was standing there, fingers loosely wrapped around the microphone as Jessica played the first few notes of A Thousand Years on the piano, and the next she was looking into the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen in her life. Feeling lightning strike her heart. Making her miss her cue and force Jessica to replay the last few bars so Marley could try again.

It was exactly as she'd imagined.

The dim lights, the soft music, the beautiful woman looking straight into her soul. Her own heart tripping all over itself. Her voice coming out just a little shaky at first, until she managed to get a hold of her own emotions and do what she'd been hired to do: sing a lovely young couple's wedding song while they had their first dance as husband and wife.

What could possibly more romantic than falling in love at first sight at a wedding, of all places?

But Marley wasn't just a lifelong romantic. Oh, no. She was a lifelong hopeless romantic. So the fact that the woman whose eyes were making Marley's heart lose all sense of rhythm happened to be the newly married young bride?

Well. That was just the icing on the (tragic) cake.

So, feet firmly anchored in her belief -- her knowledge, really -- that this would remain strictly one-sided and likely fuel the next few months of her song writing, Marley went ahead and sang for her. She hadn't loved this woman whose name she didn't even know (but she could check in the signs by the venue's entrance, she figured) for a thousand years, but she could absolutely love her for a thousand more.

From afar, of course.

Marley was a hopeless romantic, not a homewrecker.

She could live off the way her heart thrummed with every glance the woman stole as she danced.

Gosh. Her first album was going to be a tear jerker, wasn't it?

***

"Hi."

Marley didn't know that voice, but it made her fingertips tingle like she'd been hit by some invisible burst of static and she'd zap anything she touched after that.

"Marley, right?"

Marley swallowed, staring at the espresso machine she'd just finished wiping down like it held the answer to life's greatest mysteries, such as the identity of whoever was talking to her, and the reason Marley had been frozen in place and couldn't just turn around and face the woman like a normal person. Sadly, the savant espresso machine seemed to be in no mood for helping, and after a second or two Marley forced herself to simply look.

"Oh."

Marley at least had the decency to blush at her own reaction when she turned around and found herself staring into the very same eyes she'd been writing about for the last five weeks. Oh. Who said that? Who actually said 'Oh' out loud? Good grief.

"I mean-- hi. Hey!" The little Jessica in Marley's head told her to stop being a weirdo, but sadly for everyone involved Marley listened to Brain Jessica just about as well as she listened to Real Jessica, which is to say not at all. "Yeah. I am Marley. Hi. You're married."

The woman's eyebrows seemed to be confused as to how to even process Marley's whole existence (Marley couldn't blame them), but she was smiling and Marley took that as a good sign.

"I am. I'm Brodie." A beat, which Marley used to ponder what words could rhyme with Brodie for her next song writing session. "I just wanted to stop by and thank you. For singing at the wedding? It was the highlight of the day."

If Marley had been better at listening to Brain Jessica and her masterful sleuthing gossip skills, perhaps she'd have stopped to consider how it was a little odd that Brodie had tracked her down at her day job, which was definitely not listed in her and Jessica's wedding singer website. Maybe she'd have given a thought to the fact that it was a bit odd for a bride to think the singing -- and not, you know, the marrying -- had been the highlight of her day.

But she didn't do any of those things.

"It was a pleasure. You looked beautiful." Oh, no. Marley's blue eyes widened in shock at her own inability to stay even just cool-adjacent under pressure. "Your husband! Beautiful." Oh, no, no, no. "Just-- the whole thing. I had a little pig-in-a-blanket. I mean I hope that's okay, I was just a bit hungry by the end. But even that, you know -- beautiful. As far as hors d'oeuvres go."

Once again, and against all odds, Brodie smiled.

"This is a lovely place," Brodie said, motioning around them at the tiny coffee shop, "is it always this quiet?"

Marley nodded.

"Can I have a cup of tea? I think I'd like to stay and do some work."

***

Brodie stayed that day. She had another cup of tea the next day, and the day after that, and at some point it became routine. Marley would go through the motions for the first few hours of her shift as she waited for the moment when Brodie would walk through the door with a smile on her face and say Good morning, Marley like it was nothing at all.

Like Marley didn't spend the other twenty-one hours of her day (Brodie always stayed for three hours, from ten to one) thinking about the next time she'd hear them.

And then one day, three months into their little friendship, Brodie didn't show up.

Not at ten, not at ten thirty, not even at noon. Marley spent the rest of the day thinking about it. Had she done anything to make Brodie uncomfortable? She didn't think so. She always stayed on her side of the counter, coming out only to bring tea refills and smiles. They talked about... well, about a million different little things, actually, but none of them in any way questionable. They hadn't even exchanged numbers, so Marley couldn't text to ask if Brodie was okay.

Not even Jessica, who'd started showing up around Brodie Time (that was the official name for ten to one) to snoop and scheme, could find anything to nitpick.

So when closing time hit, Marley told herself it was probably nothing. Maybe Brodie's moms were in town for a visit. Maybe she'd had a work meeting, or one of the pipes at her house had sprung a leak, or maybe she didn't feel like having tea. Brodie had a life outside that three-hour window she shared with Marley. It was no big deal.

Marley hummed a little tune as she finished sweeping the floor of the little coffee shop. She had the melody -- she'd even asked Jessica to spruce it up on the piano, and it sounded amazing -- but the lyrics were nowhere to be found. Brodie rhymed with coyote and Don Quixote but not even Marley and her hopeless romanticism could turn those into a song.

"Hi."

This time, Marley knew the voice and exactly why her heart skipped a beat or two at the sound of it.

"You're a bit late," Marley smiled, glancing at the clock that told her it was just past ten at night, "I should make your tea decaf."

Marley was surprised her joke didn't earn her the usual soft chuckle from Brodie. She was even more surprised when she turned around and saw Brodie wasn't smiling at all.

"Are you--" Marley rested the broom against a nearby chair and took a step towards Brodie, "is everything all right?"

"Yes," Brodie said, shaking her head 'no' at the same time.

"Okay." Marley just stood there, counting heartbeats, until Brodie took a step forward and then another and Marley lost count altogether.

"I'd like to dance. With you."

Brain Jessica told her to run away and never look back, but Marley nodded instead. "I can--" Marley pointed in the general direction of the laptop they used to stream music during the day, but her voice stopped working when Brodie took yet another step and landed right in front of Marley

Right in her personal space.

"No," Brodie shook her head, voice so low it may as well have been a whisper, and rested one hand on Marley's shoulder, "you sing. Please."

Marley nodded again. Her brain felt empty and full to the brim all at the same time as she placed her hand on Brodie's waist and held Brodie's hand and tried to keep her heart from giving out entirely at the feeling of touching Brodie for the first time.

At first she was just humming. That little melody Jessica had helped polish, the one with no words at all.

"Just one song," Brodie said, resting her temple on Marley's collarbone and getting closer still, "all right?"

Marley nodded, swaying to the rhythm of her own voice. She found words just for Brodie as they danced and sang and held her close and tried to figure out what the scent on Brodie's hair reminded her of. Something floral.

"We're moving away." Brodie's voice was barely above a whisper, and she didn't pull away or stop swaying when Marley's song ended. "Soon."

"Okay," Marley said. She didn't ask why or for how long because she had a feeling she already knew the answer to both of those things, and hearing them out loud wouldn't help.

"Was that all?"

"What?" Marley had just decided Brodie's hair smelled like roses, she just wasn't sure which kind. "What do you mean?"

"The song," Brodie said, lifting her head to look into Marley's eyes and steal her breath away, "is it over?"

Marley shook her head, and pretended she couldn't hear the relieved sigh leave Brodie's lungs in a rush of warm air.

"Okay," Brodie whispered, tucking herself against Marley's taller frame once again, "we'll keep dancing, then. Just for one song."

#my words #fff95 #writeblr #character: mr #character: bw #character: jsj

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nadacwriter · 4 years

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Natalie’s Curse/Dinogad’s Smock

When Natalie Gaine was born, they say she was cursed. As a hybrid of a human and a ghastly creature, she has some powers that may be out of her control. How will her family, specifically her Mother Marion, cope with these powers?

AN: A oneshot featuring a 6-year-old Natalie going through her first transformation. There’s a scene in this one where two characters speak Welsh to each other in the story, but I kept the written dialogue in english, I didn’t want you to have to translate for one of my silly little stories.

CW: Body Horror

Words: 2,335

The last name ‘Gaine’ carries respect with it in Delstran circles all over the world. Maybe you knew of the Gaine’s line, dating back generations; known for progressive politics, many saw them as activists and folk heroes, but others saw them as agitators and terrorists. It was hard to find a witch or wizard in their native Wales that didn’t have an opinion on the line.

Or, maybe you knew more about Marion Gaine, the world renowned duelist who married Krysta Gibson, one of the finest alchemists in the United States, bar none. If you lived in the town they called home, Edelmen, Iowa, you might have known their 8-year-old, Norah, born magically from Krysta. And their newest addition, Charice, a little infant, who had just had her blessing ceremony a month or so ago.

But if you know one thing about the Gaines, in Wales OR America, it’s this:

Natalie Gaine is cursed.

Natalie Gaine is the only child that Marion Gaine herself gave birth to, just two years after Norah was born. The story behind her conception is indeed gruesome, and you’d be hard pressed to find anyone willing to tell you the whole story. After all, hybridization with other species is often fine, but with a red wraith? A highly dangerous spirit that most people had never even SEEN before? That was something else.

It didn’t matter. Natalie didn’t look anything like her sisters. Her skin was fair, her hair was jet black, and her body was small, feeble. But that doesn’t constitute rumors of a curse. But nearly killing your mother at birth? Reddish-gray eyes, massive scars and markings all over your body, surprising magical skill, a nasty temper, an inability to sleep, and a morbid curiosity for the dark and macabre? Those were, to the locals, anyways, SURE signs that the child had been cursed. Not the Gaine family, not even necessarily Marion Gaine herself, the biological mother.

Just the child. And life was going to get much more difficult…

“MOM! MAM!” Norah called out, her eyes wide and her stance tense, “I NEED HELP!”

Krysta was busy with her child, but she could hear the concern in Norah’s voice. She took the infant Charice in her arms and walked with her, finding Norah at the top of the stairs to the third floor, “Norah? What’s the Matter?”

Marion, who had been working down on the first floor, trying to repair one of her capes, heard the call as well, and headed swiftly up the stairs, finding Krysta and putting a hand on her shoulder, looking up to Norah, “What’s all the fuss about, love?” Norah breathlessly explained, “N-Natalie! She got angry, because someone was throwing rocks at her window, and she got really mad and she started breaking and I don’t know what to do but I think she’s broken!”

Krysta handed Charice off to Marion, who took her and shushed the now antsy infant. Krysta made her way up to the top of the stairs and put her hands on Norah’s shoulders, moving her out of the way. Norah ran down to Marion, “I-Is Mom gonna be okay?” She asked, tugging on Marion’s dress.

Marion was about to tell Norah that yes, everything would be fine, she probably just cast a spell wrong and they’d need to fix it, it wouldn’t be a big deal...when all of the sudden, a scream. “MARION!”

A pause, then, “Hold her, Norah,” Marion let Norah hold Charice. She made sure Norah’s hands were firm on Charice before bolting up the stairs, nearly tripping on her dress as she made her way to Natalie’s bedroom, finding Krysta. Krysta wore a terror on her face that Marion hadn’t seen in a logn, long time.

“What’s gone wrong? What’s happened?” Marion asked, gripping Krystan’s arms and looking her in the eye, “do I need to call someone?”

“Look, look!” Krysta pointed into the room, and the pair looked upon what was inside. The room was messy, with unmade bed and books strewn about the floor, as well as a window with a small crack in it. But that wasn’t really the pair’s focal point.

Natalie had transformed. Again, when other hybrids did this, it was fine. A human looking more like a fae, or a dryad of some kind. But with a red wraith, it was different. Natalie must have gotten VERY angry to transform like this, and she was probably still angry and scared and confused. The mirror in the room was smashed to bits.

Natalie’s hair was long and greasy, hanging black at her sides. Her clothes were stretched over this new body, and her fingers had formed into long, gnarly claws, with sickly gray tips, serving as claws. Her eyes glowed a cutting scarlet, and shined in the light. But the scariest feature was the mouth. Sharp, long teeth, and there were dozens of them. And her mouth had split, as well, with deep, horrible jowls hanging down from her mouth to her chest, embedded with teeth. Her breathing was heavy and labored, and her head flitted and shook, like a bird expecting a fight.

“I-I don’t know, WHAT is going on,” Krysta began, fear apparent in her wavering voice, “but if that’s permanent, we need to call-”

Marion shook her head, “No. It isn’t permanent.” She let go of Krysta, “Hybrids do this. It’s scary, but, I know how to fix this.” Marion displayed a level of calm and collection that could make a nun look like a drill sergeant. “I’ll fix this,” she said, “I’ll be fine. Go see to Norah.”

Krsta nodded gently, and hurried off. She was an attentive and caring figure, but anyone confronted with their child being transformed into that would be caught off guard. As she went away from the room, Marion calmly entered, and shut the door.

Natalie hissed at her as the door shut, and scurried into a corner, grunting and hitting her head against the wall. Whether she was trying to escape or otherwise, it wasn’t working. As Marion went to put a hand onto Natalie’s shoulder, she recoiled into herself, and screamed out, before she began what sounded like crying. The low, rough noise choking out from her was painful for Marion to hear. But she endured it, to help her daughter.

Marion scoured the books on the floor. She was looking for one in particular, a little picture book she’d brought with her from Wales. She’d never known why she’d kept it until now. And when she found the book, she slowly went to Natalie, sitting behind her.

“It’s alright, pet...cry.” She said, “I know you’re in there, somewhere, Natalie.” Marion reached for Natalie’s shoulder again, and this time, Natalie let herself be touched. She was cold, wrinkled, and she shook. Marion then began to hum a song, as she opened the book.

Natalie responded well, as she turned to face her mam. She spotted the book as well, and hissed at it, looking at the pages intently. Marion, meanwhile, kept the humming going, before she began to sing.

“Pais Dinogat Vreith, Vreith…

O grwyn balaot ban wreith…

Chwit chwit chwidogeith,

Gochanwn gochenyn wythgeith…”

Marion would point at the pictures in the book. A rotund man, wearing a furry smock, and carrying a club, and a spear, and holding two dogs on a rope leash. Natalie was now leaning into Marion ow, calming down from her fear and rage. Her skin was growing warm, her hair short, and her eyes more human. Marion, meanwhile, continued,

“Pais Dinogat Vreith, Vreith…

O grwyn balaot ban wreith…

Chwit chwit chwidogeith,

Gochanwn gochenyn wythgeith…”

Natalie was looking more human, her hands retracting into fingers and palms, her legs doing the same, and even her teeth grew less sharp, her chin reforming. Marion turned the page, and pointed out pictures, containing different amounts of animals that Dinogad had hunted. Marion’s smile was gentle, as was her grip on Natalie.

“Un ,

dau,

tri,

pedwar,

pump,

chwech,

saith,

wyth…”

Natalie was back to normal. Her face was stained with tears, her voice was shaky, but she was finally calming herself down. It was Natalie who sang the next part in the book, her voice gentle and raspy.

“Pais Dinogat Vreith, Vreith…

O grwyn balaot ban wreith…

Chwit chwit chwidogeith,

Gochanwn gochenyn wythgeith…”

The pair went on, singing until the song was done and the book was closed. Marion stroked Natalie’s hair, kissing her forehead. She spoke with Natalie in Welsh, gently lifting her to the bed, and resting her own head on her own arms.

“Natalie,” She began, “Do you want to tell me what happened?” She asked, observing as her daughter turned away. She kept her eyes on her, just in case she ended up transforming again.

“Someone through a rock and my window and I got mad. Then Norah said my teeth looked funny, and I got scared. Then I heard a voice telling me to-” she paused, reluctant to go on, gripping the comforter of her bed.

“Natalie,” Marion got up and got the girl a set of less stretched clothes, “You transformed because you got too angry and too scared. Your brain didn’t want to hold back anymore.”

“But you told me I can’t control when I’m angry!” Natalie said, wrapping herself up in her blanket. She made it clear that she wasn’t budging, at least for a little while.

“Nat,” Marion sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her, “You can’t. But you can control how you deal with it.” Marion rubbed Nat’s back through the blanket, “Life will not be easy. Not for anyone. But your mother and I can help you take some of that weight. Okay?”

“…” Natalie reached out and hugged her mother tightly, squeezing her, “Thanks, Mam. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, Nat. You’re one of the best things to ever happen to me, a little anger management isn’t gonna change that.”

///

Marion walked down the stairs calmly and quietly, and was greeted by Krysta, holding Charice, a worried expression on her face. “So...did you change her back?”

“Yes. Where’s Norah, is she alright?” Asked Marion, kissing Krysta gently on the cheek.

“She’s fine, I calmed her down,” she said, shaking her head and sitting in a nearby chair, “so, Natalie just transformed into a red wraith.”

“Yes.” Marion stated, matter-of-factly, as she sat next to Krysta, “It had to do with her anger. We’re gonna have to figure out a way to control it. I don’t know how.” Marion sighed, leaning forward.

Krysta bounced Charice up and down on her leg, “We’ll figure it out, Marion. I promise.” She put a hand onto of Marion’s, rubbing the back of her hand gently.

Marion smiled softly and nodded. “I know.” She said, leaning back into her chair. “Here,” She took Charice once more, rocking her gently, “I’ll keep her for now. You’ve been up a while. Rest.”

“You sure, dear? I know that couldn’t have been easy.”

“Ohh, I’m sure. She’s our baby, after all, should get to know her Mam.” Marion responded, nuzzling her nose into Charice’s, kissing her forehead, and letting her smile grow as Charice giggled in response.

Krysta rose from her seat and made her way down the stairs, letting Marion sit alone with Charice, and with her thoughts. Her smile faded into a frown, and her stare became vacant, as she let the little child sit in her arms, rocking back and forth in the chair. Thinking about Natalie, about how scared she looked when she’d turned, how terrified she must have felt when she turned. She thought for a while, until she heard the sound of little footsteps padding down the stairs.

Natalie was still wrapped up in her blanket, and looked to see Marion, walking over to her. “Can I sit, Mam?”

“’course, dear.” Marion replied, looking up and moving some pale hair out of her face.

Natalie sat in the chair next to Marion, and looked at Charice, wriggling a little and looking all around the room, her eyes taking in all the new sights. She kicked a little bit, and pointed at Natalie.

Natalie’s eyes widened, and she let a smile creep across her face, “can I hold her, Mam, pleeeease?”

marion looked over at the girl. Eyes red, hair black, scars and marks apparent. But her whole body was excited with the aspect of holding her little sister, of taking her into her arms. She just looked so ecstatic to hold her, and like she would die if she didn’t get to.

“Let me show you how,” Marion rose from her seat and walked over, teaching Natalie how to cradle Charice’s head in the crook of her elbow, how to support her body, instructing her to sit down when she held her. And then, she placed Charice into Natalie’s arms, and let go.

Charice kicked and wriggled, grunting and babbling, but she took well to the new person holding her. She sputtered and wriggled some more, all the while being looked at by Natalie, whose eyes were dead set on Charice the second she entered her arms.

“Mam,” She gasped, “She’s so tiny…”

“Gonna be as big as you some day, Nat, maybe even bigger!” Marion said. Marion watched as Natalie held Charice, careful with her, even while she was sitting down, and wrapped in a soft blanket. She was incredibly deliberate, as if every breath was calculated. All because she didn’t want to hurt her sister.

Marion stopped worrying about Natalie’s anger, at least, for now. She watched Natalie hold her little sister, with every ounce of care she could. And Marion knew, somewhere, that even IF Natalie was cursed, even if part of her wanted to kill those kids who were messing with her, there was a bigger part. A part that knew how important it was to be careful with a young child.

And Marion wouldn’t have it any other way.

#CW: Body Horror #Delstran #Writing

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krystalkoya · 5 years

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Paint Me Over | 02

Chapter Summary: Hoseok doesn't want to call himself a pessimist, but what are the chances he'll run into you again? A lot higher than he thinks.

pairing: writer!hoseok x reader

genre: fluff, future angst, smut

rating: +18

word count: 7.7k

chapter warnings: 18+ slight smut, fingering, dirty talk, pretty tame for now

The theme for this chapter (particularly the smut) is B.M.O (also by ari lennox). This whole thing was strangely inspired by a museum project I had to do, sadly i didn't get to experience the smut. enjoy 😉

01 | 02 | 03 | 04

...

Break Me Off

“I don’t see why you're making a big deal out of this.”

“It isn’t a big deal, promise! It’s just strange coming from you, that’s all.”

“Oh yeah, and what’s so strange about it?”

“Nothing, just the fact that in all the time I’ve known you you’ve never expressed an interest in coming to one of my shows before.”

“Well excuse me for wanting to support my friend.”

Hoseok collapses onto his bed, laying spread eagle on the freshly washed sheets. He had some time earlier (not really, he was just procrastinating because he didn't want to write that next section of his book) so he spent it tidying up and doing some chores around the house. When he gave Taehyung a call he assumed he would be slightly suspicious, granted he had every right to be, given the fact that Hoseok had never willingly asked to go to one of Tae's shows before, but not to this extent!

Of course, there was only one reason for his sudden interest, but he opted to keep that insignificant detail hidden from his friend. He’d like to believe it was to spare Taehyung’s feelings, but he knew the man wouldn’t be offended once he discovered how much more appealing it would be to tease Hoseok instead. And he would much rather spare himself that embarrassment.

“Fine, fine. I mean I’m not complaining. There’s one next weekend. I wasn’t planning on attending but I guess we can—"

“Great, I’ll clear my calendar.” Hoseok rushes out before Taehyung can finish his sentence.

“Uh, cool. I guess I’ll see you then? That last showing must’ve really left an impression on you…” he mutters as an afterthought.

A small smile spreads across his face as he answers. “Yeah, something like that.” And by now his grin is so wide he swears Taehyung can see it through the phone.

Next week comes much slower than expected but once Saturday rolls around Hoseok becomes an anxious ball of both excitement and anxiety. So much so that Taehyung starts to take notice.

“Okay, what the hell is going on with you? Have you been feeling okay?”

If Hoseok wanted to keep Tae from knowing the real reason he was here he was doing a terrible job at it. First asking to go to an art gala and now this? This was strange even for him.

“Seriously, you’ve been darting your head around the room so much tonight that I'm worried it's going to fall off. Did you even hear anything I just said?”

“I did,” Hoseok lies, doing his best to control himself, but his eyes still wander around the room as if in search of something. Of someone, rather.

“Oh really, what was the last thing I said?” he tests him.

Hoseok’s eyes snap to Taehyung who stares back at him blankly. The former’s expression turns sheepish when he realizes he can’t recall anything Taehyung said to him within the past 5 minutes.

Tae sighs, shaking his head at him. “I said I have to get back to my booth soon. Remember? I chose to enter last minute with some of the photos I took down at the lake with Jin the other day. Got some cool shots too. You gonna be okay if I leave you for a bit?”

Hoseok nods, vaguely remembering him saying something of the sort. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’m glad you entered, people seriously need to see your work.”

Taehyung squints his eyes at him wearily.

“What?” Hoseok asks, tired of his friend's judgy eyes.

“Nothing, it’s just...you sure you’re feeling okay? You don’t usually compliment me so openly. And I'm not one to fish for compliments, trust me, but it's like pulling teeth with you. ”

Hoseok scoffs. “Not true!” At his friend’s deadpan look in response Hoseok follows up with, “Isn't the fact that I rotate out your photos as my wallpaper good enough?”

Tae snorts in response, grunting out a "For you, I guess." But to Hoseok's dismay, he doesn't quit. “Nah, there’s definitely something up with you." As Tae proceeds to break down his strange behavior, Hoseok grows more anxious, if that was even possible.

"Let’s see, you asked to come to one of my art shows, not the other way around, you were excited about it even… your head’s been swiveling around the room nonstop like the pet parakeet I used to have when I was 8, and you seem to be paying even less attention to me than you usually do.”

"You had a pet parakeet?"

"Sure did, was even training him alert me every time my brother got near my snack stash but we only got as far as a something that sounded like a garbled version my name before we got a cat and well... you know the rest."

"I'm sorry for your loss-"

"Thank you, I still miss him even to this- hey! Quit trying to distract me! I'm onto you..." he says menacingly, beady little eyes boring so far into Hoseok he's starting to think Taehyung can see straight through him. Safe to say, he's glad he wore his big boy undies today. His other boxers (the one with all the marvel characters on it) were in the wash.

He squirms under Taehyung’s gaze but he keeps reminding himself there was nothing to worry about. There was no way he could connect the dots and discover the real reason he was here. But Taehyung, the perceptive bastard, somehow always manages to prove him wrong.

He blurts out excitedly, as if having his own personal eureka! moment, though his realizations aren't nearly as profound as Einstein's. “You’re meeting up with someone aren’t you?”

Hoseok regards him coolly, responding with a calm ‘no, why would I be?’ that he is very proud of. He ups the ante on his whole nonchalant attitude by pretending to be engaged in the nearby artwork in hopes that Taehyung will drop the subject altogether. But the slight red tinge in his cheeks reveal his true emotions and not for the first time he curses his inability to control his body’s physical reactions.

“Don’t bullshit me, you only ever act like this when you're nervous. You're totally blushing right now!" Hoseok was, in fact, blushing, but despite that he still tries to deny it, clapping a hand over his cheeks to cover it up. "Am not. And I'm not acting any weirder than I usually do. I'm always like this." "Bull-fucking-shit!" Tae explains with an incredulous laugh. "Remember that double date we went on a while back? With the Park sisters? You were acting just like this. Now quit fucking with me, did you meet someone?”

"Yeah? well that was before I found out they wanted to bag the both of us. This may come as a surprise but I'm not into foursomes." He shrugs. k lashes out at that accusation, strongly refuting such a claim. Bad choice. At that moment Taehyung knows he’s right because anytime Hoseok gets this worked up over something, it most likely means he’s lying.

“Hey you passed up a good opportunity and screwed me over in the process. They were twins man, twins!" He shakes his head as if to get back on track. "Quit changing the subject! You did meet someone didn't you?” He lets out a gasp. “Was it that girl from the last art show?”

No fucking way, how did he...? Welp, the cat's out of the bag now. And Hoseok didn't even have to say anything, miraculously his friend just figured it out all on his own. If he's honest with himself, he's a little impressed. Doesn't stop him from scrubbing a hand down his face in annoyance, but impressed nonetheless. He turns to Tae with narrowed eyes. “Of all days you choose today to play detective? Why don't you take those sleuthing skills and mosey on down to the local police department. Don't you think your talents are going to waste always butting in on my love life?”

“Not at all." Tae sing-songs from beside him. "You didn't deny it so I take it it was her. I just figured because I saw you two talking the other night. And you haven't talked to a girl since..." he trails off, "so is she meeting you here?”

He wishes. “Not exactly,” he sighs thinking it was a stupid idea to even come here in the first place.

“I didn’t get her number or anything. We just talked and… I came tonight hoping she would be here…”

“You mean you don’t even know if she’s here?!” Taehyung exclaims and it doesn’t make him feel any better. In fact, it makes this dumb idea feel ten times worse.

“Well maybe if someone hadn’t been so eager to drag me away the other night I could’ve stayed long enough to get her instagram at least.”

Tae actually looks remorseful for once. "Yeah that was my bad wasn't it, sorry” he says sincerely. “But you do know it’s a long shot that you’re gonna find her. For some artist’s things like this are just a one time thing. Who's to say she comes back regularly enough to be here for the second week in a row?”

Hoseok sighs because he's already thought this through the entire week before. “I know that already. Which is why I’m prepared, more than anything, to be disappointed. We’ve been here for half an hour and still haven’t seen her so it’s not looking too good right now.”

Taehyung claps a hand on Hoseok shoulder encouragingly, if not to comfort the man whose hopes were near shot to shit. He's sincerely happy for his friend. This is the first time he's shown such an interest in someone in a long while, but he still needs to be realistic. “Hey cheer up, the night’s still young. There’s a still a chance she's here so just put all your faith in that basket." He glances behind him, expression seemingly caught between wanting to stay and help Hoseok find his mystery girl or attending to his more pressing duties. Finally he seems to make up his mind, "I’m going to head over to my booth now. You gonna be okay on your own?”

He nods to assure his friend. “Yeah, yeah. Go have fun. I know how much you love seeing the expression on people’s faces when they look at your work. As they should, you’re really good at what you do.”

Taehyung beams, a hand on his chest in shock. “Well, I'll be...you're just showering me with compliments today aren't you?" He says in a poor (extremely poor) attempt at a southern belle accent. "I’ll catch you later.” And with a wave he’s off to whatever section of the gala was his for the night.

Hoseok makes his way through the gala slowly, observing the art as he goes along, but most importantly scanning the faces of the artists who made them. Unfortunately, none of the faces he sees is the one that he is looking for. Eventually, he makes his way back to the refreshment table, located off to the side this time. This gala is a lot more minimalistic, opting to put out an off-putting combination of bottled waters and lollipops as refreshments rather than homemade cookies and punch.

Hoseok grabs a water, deciding he’s not in the mood for sweets tonight. He sighs forlornly and takes a swig, shifting his weight to one leg so that he can observe the various people viewing the artwork displayed about the room. Well, he didn’t find what he was looking for here tonight but he can’t deny it was a good showing. Just like the last one, there were several pieces he enjoyed looking at and he would’ve gone through again to get a better look at a few that caught his eye if he hadn’t heard your voice.

“Well, well, well, look who it is. How goes it stick?”

Hoseok damn near drowns drinking his bottled water. He has to hit his chest several times while he coughs up the liquid, trying his best to ignore the fact that he’s sputtering like an absolute fool as you watch on in amusement.

There’s no forced apology for startling him this time when you say, “Is this going to become our thing now? Meeting at refreshment tables, you choking on your drink?” you ask with a smirk.

He brushes off the water that dribbled down his chest as if that will change that fact that his shirt is now wet. He sighs, at least it was only water and not something that could actually stain. “I hope not. Why does it seem like I’m always at a disadvantage in these situations?”

“Oh you most definitely are.” You say as you reach past him to grab a lollipop out of the decorative bowl. "Learn how to drink properly will you?"

He stares down at you, unwrapping the lolli and popping it into your mouth, as he wills something to come to his brain so he can speak. The irony. This whole time he had been looking for you and now when you finally show up he has nothing to say.

Fortunately, you beat him to it. “So. What brings you back to another one of these shin-digs? No offense, but you don’t seem like the type to frequent galas on the regular.”

“And why not? I told you I’m an artist.”

“You’re a writer. And you don’t strike me as the ‘artsy’ type either. You’re more clear cut, precise, all sharp edges, you know? What d'you write anyway? Instruction manuals?” You question with a pop of your candy.

He ignores your question in favor of asking you one of his own.

"So what do you have a booth set up today too or are you just a member of the audience like me?”

You gesture vaguely down the room. “Yep, I actually do have a booth set up. Somewhere over there. I’m surprised I didn’t see you earlier, did you already cycle all the way through?” you ask and when he nods you quirk your head to the side in thought.

“Huh, you must’ve caught me when I was away from my booth then cause I definitely would have noticed you if you passed by.”

"Aww am I that memorable to you?" he teases but in reality his stomach jumps in glee at the thought. "How could I forget? You were the only one who pitched a fit in front of my booth the whole night. Longest argument I've had in weeks." He scoffs. "I'd hardly call it an argument. And I did not pitch a fit." You wave a dissmisive hand in the air. "Debate then, whatever you want to call it. So?" He gives you a puzzling look. "So what?" "So, did you like it? My piece?" you ask with a hint of eagerness. "Depends, which one was yours?" The smirk is there again but you don't say anything and that's when it clicks. He rolls his eyes toward the ceiling. "Don't tell me." You mime zipping your lips and throwing away the key, that infuriating smile still present on your face, only this time its wider lets him know everything he needs to. "You can’t be serious.”

It was earlier in the night, but he remembers that piece so well because it was so different from the others. Blue is the first (and only thing) that comes to mind. Seriously, the whole page was just blue. No texture marks, no additional detail that would make it seem like any other effort went into it other than grabbing blue paint and slathering it across a canvas.

“I assume you want a 10 page paper on the meaning behind the blue paint or the symbolism of using 8.5 x 11 cardstock on your desk by tomorrow?”

He sputters. “Honestly, any explanation would be fine at this point.”

It’s such a drastic change from your last painting that he doubts he would have guessed that both images came from the same artist. What, did the amount of time it took to put all that detail in your first piece drain you that much that all you could come up with this time was the color blue on a page? He couldn’t make sense of this change up.

“It can mean whatever you want. The sky. The ocean. Hell, the color blue on a fucking page. That’s it. Maybe I just wasn't done.” You shrug. "Who knows I might go back and add to it later if I'm up to it."

You must notice that he’s still staring at you with what must be a look of utter bewilderment on his face so you elaborate.

“I like the color blue, so I painted blue.”

He’s about to argue again but you stop him.

“Hey, sometimes you just got to paint what you feel.” “Look, what do you write about? I know I joked instruction manuals earlier but holy shit that can't really be it can it?” You ask almost fearfully.

“God no, I'm not that boring." You seem to visibly relax at that which he finds amusing. "Prose mostly. Short stories, mostly but I'm working on a writing something longer, a book actually ”

“Prose,” you repeat questioningly. But it’s without judgement. Now you’re trying to make sense of him, maybe. It’s funny, people usually stop him to ask questions when they hear he’s writing a book. But here you are, concerned with the genre he writes instead, not the content.

“Yeah, prose. I used to write poetry a while back but I stopped cause-“

“Wait, hold up. Poetry? You?”

“Yeah…” He narrows his eyes in question. “Why is that so hard to believe?”

You take a moment to think before you reply. “I mean, in a way it’s not. Poetry’s got all those symbols and hidden meanings you English teachers love so much but… I don’t know. I guess I didn’t expect it coming from a guy like you.”

"A guy like- you know what I'm not even gonna ask. I have a feeling I'll only be offended.

“You said you stopped, why was that?” you ask suddenly.

“Stopped what? Poetry?” At your nod of confirmation he continues, “It just wasn't my thing anymore?” He shrugs not really giving it much thought.

You shake your head as if disappointed. “That’s a shame. I love poetry. It’s like the rawest of all genres— a window to the speaker's deepest thoughts and feelings.”

He nods, understanding, “Maybe that’s why I left it. All those feelings..." he shakes his head, "yeah, it just wasn't for me anymore.”

“And what’s wrong with feelings?”

So many questions tonight. Some of which he doesn't have the answer to. You're really forcing him to do some serious reflection aren't you? Well prepare to be sorely disappointed because Hoseok hasn't done that in years. “Nothing, really. I'm just…at a different stage in my life where they aren't as needed. ” He stares down at the linoleum floor, musing that it's high time he get a new pair of sneakers, while you appease him with your sharp gaze.

Though he’s not looking at you, he presumes you’re still staring him down when he hears you hum in thought. It’s quiet save for the light chatter around the room, which only serves to make him even more uncomfortable. But that doesn’t last long because suddenly you are tugging on his arm as you mutter a hasty ‘come with me.’

He can’t do much but follow you as you pull him along past the rows of people in the main room to some back corner of the museum. He muses that wherever you are pulling him off to is better than the mini interrogation you were giving him just moments ago. No longer in the part of the building that had been sectioned off for the gala for the night, you arrive at an alcove at the back, a seemingly unnoticed part of the museum. If he had to guess he would say this part of the museum was not in use from the way it was isolated from the rest of the pieces.

“Uh…” Hoseok starts, “Are we allowed to be here?”

“Relax. Of course we are. No one said we couldn’t view the rest of museum while we’re here.”

"Yeah but... are we allowed to be here here?" he asks just to get a huff in annoyance in response.

As you burrow deeper into the alcove, he notices there is an entryway off to one side, but he can’t tell what it leads to just yet.

Luckily he doesn't have to wait long to find out when you pull him through the doorway.

“This is one of my favorite exhibits. It won’t be up for much longer though. They’re replacing it soon.” He hears you say.

Hoseok looks around at the interior of the room, and, it’s not the first thing he notices, but he can’t help but see that all four walls were mirrored. He could see his reflection no matter where he looked.

Rather, the first thing he noticed is something he can barely even describe. There seemed to be stalactites and stalagmites protruding from the ceiling and the floors of the room. He moves to get a closer look at one when you press a button on the wall and the figures light up, each flashing in almost every color of the rainbow, all of them illuminating the dark room beautifully. To Hoseok, the lighting in the room is reminiscent of his high school dance, a cheesy affair where teachers had lit a disco ball in the school gym and placed strobe lights about the room to achieve a ‘70s theme’ for the spring bash sophomore year.

Hoseok walks near to one figure, almost as tall as him in height and protruding from the ground. He touches one gently and comes to find out that it’s made of the same material of the inflatable arm floats your mom puts you in when you're just a wee toddler learning how to swim. Each are dotted with black polka dots which only adds to the confusion in trying to figure out just what exactly he’s looking at. He settles on tentacles, because though the dripstones favor something you would see in a cave, they are curved in a way that looks similar to the arms of an octopus.

Before he can ask you what the hell he’s staring at, you press another button and a voice starts speaking overhead.

It’s a female voice, and she’s speaking a language entirely different from the ones he’s familiar with. It sounds… if he’s not mistaken, like Japanese. And he’s only able to make that discernment because of the several times Tae forced him to watch that cartoon with the hyperactive redheaded twink and the emotionally distant brooding tall one. Something to do with volleyball but to Hoseok it just looked like a shoujo (was that the right term?) romance and a gangbang waiting to happen.

“'Love is Calling'" you say as you return to his side. "That's the name of the exhibit. It’s by Yayoi Kusama and she’s reciting her poem ‘Residing in a Castle of Shed Tears.’”

He takes a 360 of the room, acknowledging your words with a hum. “I can’t understand a word she’s saying, but it’s nice.” He says.

You walk over to one of the figures nearest to you to touch it. “It is. One of the things I love most about it is just being immersed in this room while listening to her speak. I can’t understand Japanese, no, but I think that’s apart of the appeal. Maybe you’re supposed to explore the room for yourself while she speaks to another part of you.”

“Okay, but what if you do speak Japanese?” He counters.

You shrug, hands behind your back as you walk to the opposite side of the room. “I assume that’s even better. Being able to understand what she’s saying as you navigate this maze of a room.”

There’s quiet again aside from Yayoi’s voice. You both listen intently, as you continue to look at the flashing lights and your reflections in the mirrored walls.

“What do you see?” you ask him suddenly.

“Huh?” He heard you clearly, but he wonders what you mean. He sees exactly the same thing as you, doesn’t he?

“At first glance, what do you see? You don’t understand the poem so your just left with this room. What do you see?” you clarify.

"Ok, we're not doing this. Leave that job to my shrink."

"You see a therapist?"

"No, but I probably should. The things I see and hear from these kids on a daily? It's no wonder I'm not crazy yet."

You laugh and poorly try to mask it in favor of saying, "Be serious. What do you see? I want to know."

Hoseok thinks about it for a moment before he settles on telling you his impression of the room when he first came in. How the space resembled a cave with colorful dripstones hanging from the ceiling and protruding from the ground, and how the figures resemble tentacles, reaching out to him now.

You come to join him as he is speaking and now you stand side by side, the both of you observing your reflections in the wall before you. Hoseok takes this moment to return the question, asking you what you see.

You laugh as if finding something funny. “To be honest, the first time I came in here I was confused…”

Hoseok nods in agreement because that was certainly an experience for him.

You continue, “…and I could see that confusion in my reflection—everywhere I looked. But after that, once the lights came on I saw some inflatable pool toys with multi-colored lights stuck in ‘em.”

“That’s it?” He asks, expecting something more profound, especially after he just gave you his testament on how the figures resembled dripstones and tentacles at the same time.

“No,” you smile. “I said that just to get under your skin.” You share a laugh at that and he should be annoyed but for reason unknown he isn't. Once your chuckles subside, you continue.

“You see, I was in here for so long, left to nothing but my thoughts and Kusama’s recitation playing in the background that I started seeing something else. The room was so dark and then all of a sudden there was light—lots of it, protruding from the ground, the ceiling everywhere. It’s hard to explain...” you say, struggling to express your thoughts clearly.

Hoseok nods understanding, “Like the candlestick at the end of a dark hallway.”

You snap your fingers in excitement. “Yeah, like that. It’s like, hope in a dark place. You must be loving this, aren’t you?”

He chuckles, not denying it. “Of course I am. Look who’s talking miss ‘not-everything-has-a-meaning.”

“Hey, I still think like that, but not in the way you think. I said art was subjective didn’t I? My meaning isn’t always going to be the same as yours.”

He takes a moment to think about your words and he comes to the conclusion that you may have a point. There wasn’t just one answer.

By this time Kasuma has finished her recitation and you pull him along again. Your doing a lot of that tonight and he's not sure how he feels about being your human rag doll.

“Come here, I want to show you something.”

You arrive back at the wall, near the buttons, only this time he notices a plaque on tacked to the wall.

“It’s Kasuma’s poem translated into English.”

Residing in a Castle of Shed Tears

When the time comes around for people to encounter the end of their life having put on years, death seems to be quietly approaching It was not supposed to be my style to be frightened of that, but I am In the shadows of my loved ones footprints, distress revisits me at the dead of night refreshing my memories Being in love with and longing for you, I have locked myself up in this “castle of shed tears” Now may be the time for me to wander off into the place, the guidepost to the other world points to And the sky is waiting for me, attended by numerous clouds Overwhelmed by your tenderness that has always encouraged me I have been searching for “love” in earnest taking my wish for happiness along Let me call out to and ask the birds flying about in the sky I want to convey to them my feelings Over many long years, with art as a weapon I have treaded the path in search of love During the days I have lived through keeping “despair”, “emptiness” and “loneliness” all to myself along the way there were times when the fireworks of life “splendidly” adorned the sky Dancing in the night sky in a myriad of colors, the fireworks sprinkled dust all over my body I will never forget that exhilarating moment Now I think is the time to dedicate my heart to you, my dearest Was the beauty of the end of one’s life nothing more than illusion? Would you give me an answer to this? Devoting all my heart to you, I have lived through to this day Hoping to leave beautiful footprints at the end of my life I spend each day praying that my wish will be fulfilled This is my message of love to you

-Yayoi Kusama

“Heartbreaking isn’t it?”

Hoseok still reads it over as he replies, “Yeah.”

“Unrequited love is the worst. But I think, like many artists, that she just wanted to share her story and if anyone could relate to that, then all the better.”

He turns to look at you. “You don’t think there’s anything deeper there?”

“Oh for sure,” you nod. “The way she explores themes of death, loneliness and unrequited love all in the same breadth? That’s deep. But I don’t think it’s invalid if you experience something different while in here. Sometimes artists just want to invoke feelings of happiness, or sadness, or I don’t know, the feeling of being in love in their viewers.”

“It’s about the experience.” He states more than questions.

You smile, probably because this is the first sign of him actually getting it. “Right, just like living in the moment. At least that's how I want people to feel when they look at my art.”

He stares at you for a moment, surprised by your well-fleshed out thoughts. “You’ve thought about this a lot haven’t you?”

You pin him with a look. “I told you, it was my favorite exhibit. I’m sad to see it go.”

He agrees with you, telling you he wished he knew about it sooner. He’s reading over the words of the poem again, absorbing Kasuma’s message but he can feel your eyes on him.

“What?” He turns to ask you.

“Nothing, it’s just, you look really nice under these colored lights.”

He quirks a brow, “And that’s funny? Are you sure I look nice?” He hastily starts checking his reflection in the mirror.

You burst out into giggles, hands out to placate him, “No, nice I promise. I don’t even know why I’m laughing really. You look more than nice actually. Attractive even...” This last part is murmured and if you two were out in the main room he probably would not have caught it.

He peaks with interest at that and when he looks over at you are looking at him, lip caught between your teeth in a coy smile.

“Attractive, huh? Is this the part of the night where you stop insulting me and starting laying me on with compliments?" He teases.

You pin him with a hardened glare, though there is no malice in it. It's mischievous more than anything.

“I have eyes, stick. I could see how someone could find you somewhat...visually-appealing.”

He turns toward you. “The feelings mutual. Although..." he squints as if trying to see better, "it may just be the lightning doing you justice.”

You scoff, hitting his arm playfully. “Hey, I look good in all lighting, especially the shitty ones.”

You both share a chuckle and when it dies down he speaks. "Fine, ok?" he gives in. "I agree."

"Good." You say decidedly, still chuckling.

Hoseok makes the fatal mistake, then of glancing down at your lips, which are now glistening due to the tongue that darted out just moments prior to wet them.

The moment after, after you both stop chuckling is spent in silence, staring at each other, waiting for the other to say something next.

But it never happens. Hoseok doesn’t know who leans in first, all he knows is that your lips feel like soft pillows pressed against his. The kiss is slow at first, taking the time to savor the taste of the other and when Hoseok tastes the sweetness of the strawberry lollipop you were sucking on earlier he moans.

He wants to taste more, so he is grateful when he licks your bottom lip, begging you to open up to him and you do. His tongue darts into your mouth, starting its exploration into every crevice and corner he can find.

When his teeth can’t help but graze your bottom lip you moan and he finds the sound pleasing to his ears. He’s eager to find more ways to make you moan so pretty for him again when you pull away.

Your arms, which at some point had slid up to wrap around his neck, now slide down to rest on his chest.

“You don’t know how badly I wanted to keep going but goddammit I needed air.” You pant heavily against him.

He smiles, bending to capture your lips in light pecks. “I took your breath away?”

You groan and roll your eyes. A second later your groaning again, not because you’re annoyed, but because Hoseok has attached his lips to your neck.

“God you’re cheesy. You’re not like this all the time are you?”

He detaches from your neck with a wet pop, sinking his teeth into the spot before dragging his lips up to your ear. “Trust me that when I tell you that when I get you into bed, you’ll never want me to shut up." You whimper slightly at his words, managing to choke out a meek, “Still corny.”

You say this but you’re turned on nonetheless. Hoseok can tell by the way you rub your thighs together in what you think is in an inconspicuous manner. But to him, a man who has been starved of sex for so long and who is so in tune with your body because it is exactly what his is feeling, your actions are as clear as day to him. And he wants to do more, so much more just to make you beg for that sweet release he's more than willing to give you.

“It's true. And you wouldn't be able to shut me up. Wanna see how wet this dirty little pussy can get for me.” He mutters lowly, a hand travelling down between the apex of your thighs.

Ever resilient, you mumble out a 'doubt it' as you struggle to keep your composure. “Oh yeah? So you don’t want my fingers on your clit? Shoved so far up your hole and stretching you wide? Hmm?” He applies pressure with his fingertips. “Rubbing this pussy to climax again and again and again?”

He smirks when you moan, hands clutching the lapels of his open shirt as you whine under his touch.

“Still too cheesy for you? I can be quiet if you want me to, I'll be good. Promise.” He says, the palm of his hand now massaging your entire center.

“No, no you’re not. Just please touch me.”

Satisfied with your response, he hastily undoes the buttons of your jeans and snakes a wrist down your pants.

He practically groans when he feels how wet you are, soaking through your panties beautifully.

“For someone so turned off by my words you’re awfully wet.” he notes.

You’re glare at him is cut short when his fingers graze your clit, focusing his attention on that little nub full of nerves. You're expression softening into a silent moan that you are no doubt trying to keep from him.

You bury your head in his chest and give in to your pleasure when he rubs harder; smiling in victory, he lets you lean against him, enjoying the vibrations of your groans against his neck.

“Right there, keep going, please…”

To your horror, he does exactly that, but only briefly. “I don’t know…” he starts up again, much slower this time, as if debating whether to continue or not. “You insulted me. Why should I?”

“Please…” you look up at him with pleading eyes. Fearful even, probably that he'll stop and leave you high and dry. “God, I need it.”

He hums, contemplating your words. “You gonna moan pretty for me if I do?”

You release a sharp moan at a particularly harsh brush of his fingers against your clit.

“Like that,” he says as if to clarify exactly how he wants you to sound.

“Yes, yes. Just please.. Shit ”

He concentrates on pleasuring you, wanting to hear what you sound like when you orgasm under his touch. He rubs faster, arm tiring but he continues just to see your brow scrunch in pleasure like that and your pants pick up in intensity.

“Oh god…” you whisper, “how are you so good with your fingers.”

He doesn’t know whether that was meant for him to hear or not but he doesn’t mind. If you think this is good, just wait till he gives you his tongue.

But that can wait for another time. And good god he can't fucking wait. Your so fucking wet it's driving him insane. He uses some of the slick collecting it on his fingertips before travelling back up and assaulting your clit again and you go absolutely fucking wild. He has to shush you, remembering your in public, though he doubts anyone is close enough to overhear. A resounding chorus of 'yeses' and a chant of his name mark your orgasm and he revels in it. Your sounds, your expressions, the way you squeeze his fingers between your thighs as if to secure him there forever.

“Hoseok, ahh… Hoseok, I’m cumming.”

"I know baby, I know. Feel good?"

He gives you no time to answer, not even waiting for you to come down from your high when he captures your lips, still massaging between your legs though much lighter now being considerate of overstimulating you (this time). He pushes your shirt up, all the way past your breasts and his lips travel down to trail open-mouthed kisses across the soft mounds encased in a simple but cute black bra. He’s just slid one cup down, exposing your quickly hardening nipple to the cold air. He helps it along by sucking your the bud into his mouth, teeth lightly grazing.

“Ahh, Hoseok slow down.” You say, winding your hands in his hair but doing nothing to detach him from your breast.

“Can’t.” He yanks the cup covering your other nipple down and attaches his lips to that breast. “Want you so bad.” He murmurs around your nipple in his mouth.

You moan approvingly. “Me too. Want it, your cock in my mouth, my pussy…”

It’s Hoseok’s turn to groan and he does so, resting his head against your chest as he tries to calm himself down because at this rate he's going to blow his load in his pants and he can't have that.

But try as he might to calm himself he can't, not when you continue to whisper all the dirty things you want him to do to you in here. In public.

“Want you to fuck me so good, right here where anyone can walk in and see. I want you to fuck me so far up this wall I’ll start screaming with how good it is.”

“Fuck.” He says because he wants to do just that. Exactly as you described because the image is so undeniably hot that he can barely contain himself.

He’s just figured out whether he wants to fuck your pussy or your mouth first (your mouth) when his phone rings loudly from its place in his back pocket.

His plan is to ignore it but you seem to think differently when you pull away, urging him he should answer it. When he hesitates you say, ‘it might be important’. He considers saying 'this is too' but decides against it, reluctantly digging into his back pocket for the device instead.

His plan B is to answer whoever is calling, tell them he can’t talk right now, and get right back on track to fucking that filthy little mouth of yours but you are already tidying yourself up. He’s sad to see your tits go as you right your bra and pull your shirt down, looking in the mirror to fix what can be salvaged of your makeup and hair.

“Hello,” he answers the phone with a bitterness, annoyed at whoever the cockblock was on the other line.

Taehyung. Of course. He said he had been looking for him all over, concerned and he just wanted to make sure he was safe. Hoseok would be touched, if he weren’t in the middle of trying to get his dick wet so instead he winds up annoyed.

He tells him he’ll meet him out front in a few minutes, it’s obvious by the way you have cleaned yourself up that his night of fun is over.

“Yeah, see you there. Okay, bye.” Hoseok finishes up his call and when done you push him towards the exit.

“Come on, we’re not supposed to be here, this part of the museum was closed for renovation.”

“I thought you said-“

“Yeah, I lied. Congratulations stick, you’re that much closer to living on the wild side.” You give him a pat on the back.

"Don't you think what we just did in there gets me some points? At least enough to drop the nickname?"

"The nickname stays, that's with you for life but I guess you can claim some cool points. Only a few though!" You clarify. "That was pretty tame to be quite honest."

By now you two have reached the main room of the gala and he can see the crowd has died down now that the night is coming to an end.

He catches your elbow before you can move any further into the room. “Careful there, lying to me never fares well for those involved.” He mutters lowly into your ear.

“Sure, whatever,” comes your dismissive response but in spite of it he can see you shiver at his words. A hint of a smile graces his lips in triumph.

Taehyung spots Hoseok and comes bounding over, the ‘where were you?’ dying on his lips when you come into view.

Instead a small ‘o’ graces his features when he realizes what Hoseok must have been up to. And who he was up to it with.

“Well,” you say, putting distance between yourself and Hoseok (and he’s only slightly sad about it), “It was nice meeting you Hoseok.” You extend your hand out formally, as if he didn’t just finger you to orgasm just a few minutes ago.

He takes it, playing along. Your gazes must linger a little to long because a sudden cough from Taehyung is startling you back to reality.

“And, Taehyung right? I heard a lot about you from other artists. Loved your collection by the way. You took some really great shots.”

“Ahh, thank you.” Tae accepts the compliment humbly, his hand coming up to brush you off.

“It was nothing. Just a last minute entry.” He tells you how he wished he had more time to go around the whole gala to see what you came up with this time. You share a knowing smile with Hoseok, no doubt Taehyung would be shocked as well to see the drastic difference between your first piece and this one.

“Anyways, I better go but it was nice meeting you both.” You say politely, stare lingering on Hoseok before you turn to leave.

Taehyung bumps his shoulder which jars him out of whatever trance he was just in.

“So is it right to assume that what I’m thinking right now is correct or...” He questions and suddenly Hoseok is reminded that he’s supposed to be mad at Taehyung. “If you’re thinking that you are an immense cockblocker then yeah, definitely.”

Taehyung’s eyes bug out of his head at that comment. “Wait. So you mean…”

Hoseok sighs, “Yeah and I was this close. But someone just had to call me right in the middle of it.”

Tae has the audacity to look apologetic as he claps a sympathetic hand on Hoseok’s shoulder. “Sorry man, but this is great. To be honest I didn’t peg you as the type to be into public sex but good for you.”

It’s only when Hoseok arrives back at his apartment that night, replaying the memories of tonight that he hopes are permanently etched into his brain that he realizes he forgot to get your number yet again.

He got lucky today, but what are the chances he’s going to find you again?

He calls up Taehyung in a panic, explaining his predicament but all Taehyung can offer is an unhelpful decree of ‘wow, you are an idiot’ so he hangs up.

Although, before he ended the call, Tae did suggest that the universe might be on his side on this one, if he found her once he could do it again. But Hoseok is not one to push his luck so he highly doubts it.

He goes to bed that night, and this time bittersweet memories of a one-night stand (could what you did together even be considered a one-night stand? Calling it a half-a-night stand seemed more fitting) interspersed with thoughts that this would be the last time he sees the peculiar painter again fill his brain.

#hoseok x reader #english teacher!hoseok #writer!hoseok #jhope x y/n #jhope x reader #hoseok x y/n #hoseok x you #hobi smut #future angst #hobi x reader #future (slight) angst

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lovelikelex · 5 years

Text

Christopher Robin

I have never talked in-depth about my experiences at Walt Disney World. I never felt like I ever had to. The funny thing is, I noticed before I left for Orlando that I was always feeling like I had to compensate for something. The way I looked, the way I acted, the way I loved. As I have stated in previous blogs, this journey in healing and accepting that I wasn’t perfect and that not everyone would like me began in late May/Early June. Everyone thinks it all started with the initial move to Orlando or the job that was mentally and physically demanding, but no. This journey began surprisingly with a bear and a tiger.

Upon my arrival at Disney, I felt very... empty. Did you know that sometimes adjectives like empty can be feelings? Have you ever felt that way? Maybe when a pet passed away or when you had to move schools or if your parents got into a fight? I felt empty and hurt. And all of those feelings of past frustration and anger and sadness left me in my room a few days after my arrival. Rather than cause a scene or lash out, I took time to defect on my past behavior. Sometimes, people who have mental/emotional problems lash out when they really want to love others because it’s all that they know to do. I’m wondering, friend, did you ever do that before? Did you ever say something mean or rude about someone who was just trying to help you or be your friend? Did you ever accidentally lash out on someone when they only wanted to love you? These are normal things, I assure you. But because I had no outlet to help me with those issues, I often did these things. I felt extremely bad afterward. I often did this as a child too. I would have meltdowns so severe that I would tear posters off of my wall, kick and scream, refuse to eat, hit and kick and even hurt myself. Yes, it is hard and sad to admit. These compulsive behaviors were all that I knew. And each time that I would hit or kick or get angry and yell, I would secretly find myself crying in my room feeling bad about what I had just done but couldn’t help... that, my friend, is emptiness. I am not ashamed to say that though I don’t scream and kick or hit anymore (thank god), I still find it sometimes hard to manage those feelings and issues that come into play.

After unpacking and spending that time reflecting on my anger, sadness, and inability to cope, I said out loud to whoever could’ve listened “I don’t ever want to be that bitter, angry, and mean person again. I want to love and to be loved - to show other people how much they matter and to know deep inside that I am better for it. When I wake up, I will be a different person.” And I was.

After my first week of training, I was thinking of what I could do on my next two days off for some fun. I put on some clothes, and I headed to one of my favorite parks, Magic Kingdom. When I arrived, I went on a few rides and soaked up the environment around me. I was not expecting that day for what came next. As I walked toward the teacups, I caught a Glimpse of Winnie The Pooh and Tigger - two of my most favorite characters growing up. As I looked at them in that seemingly long line, I took a moment to reflect on all of the times that I would rewind my VHS tape of Pooh’s Grand Adventure as a child. I thought of every morning that I grabbed my Pooh and tigger stuffed animals off of my bed and placed them onto the couch as I went into my own special place in my head, dancing away to the music in The Many Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh. But more than anything, my heart ached for that child I was so many years ago, crying and begging out loud “why can’t you come play with me?” As I stared at the tv in utter disbelief that I had absolutely no friends due to the compulsive behaviors that I utterly could not help or control. And as I saw that child in my head, I hugged him briefly for a moment in my heart before hopping into the line and waiting my turn to finally hug my two virtual “best friends” from the tv.

I ran into Tiggers arms, as he had always been my favorite next to beloved Pooh Bear. I told the characters how much they had meant to me, shed a few tears, gave my hugs and kisses. I told them how much they mattered and they listened to every word, holding my small sweaty hands as tight as they could. That was the first day of my mission to love and to be loved. As I walked away with watery eyes, a character attendant chased me down the sidewalk frantically. Smiling, she said “Pooh and Tigger just wanted me to tell you that they Love you exactly as you are. They were so happy to see you and they hope you come back to see them sometime.” At that point, no one had any idea that I worked for the company. They simply thought that I was a child. It’s kind of funny to think about, but also endearing. Childlike wonder is one of the purest things in the world. After that, an idea came to me: I went to Walmart with a friend one night and gathered up a yellow polo shirt and some navy blue shorts with some knee-high socks.

The next day, I went to the Crystal Palace Character dining as Christopher Robin. The whole restaurant stared in awe as I made my way to my seat. And one by one, my hundred acre friends were so excited to see me. It made me smile to feel such positive energy around me. After the breakfast, I went to a gift shop and I found this raggedy-looking, original Tigger and I had to have him. He was $35 without my 20% cast discount. He was the very first merchandise item that I ever bought at Walt Disney world and he hasn’t left my side since. After that, it was back in line to see Tigger and Pooh at their usual meeting spot. I waited 45 minutes patiently and it was hard for me. Sometimes I have found that when we are waiting, we want to rush. That is never okay. Rushing is rude and sloppy. Sure, we want to rush, and sometimes we even have to rush, but it’s always nice to wait our turn and to take our time.

As my turn approached, tigger and Pooh were so surprised and in awe at the cute little outfit that I was wearing. The photos above were taken the second time I had ever met tigger and Pooh. Tigger was attacking me with cuddles and kisses and tickles and Pooh was just as soft and cuddly as the day before. I was developing a love in my heart for these very special character friends that could never be broken.

After that day, I wore that Christopher Robin outfit almost everywhere I went, and people started talking. Entertainment started noticing and it was becoming a big deal. I started to get noticed everywhere I was as Christopher Robin. Nobody even knew my real name until I started my postings on the special Facebook group for people who were involved in the same internship as I was. I would even get recognized at Walgreen’s or at my Job. It felt great to know that people were being kind to one another and loving each other the way that I had wanted since that night that I had prayed about it.

I visited Pooh and tigger every chance I got. Sometimes 3 times a week or more. And my love was eventually spread to ALL characters that I visited weekly. I became a friendly face to all of those wonderful entertainment folks and I was always sure to visit every single character when I went to a park to ensure that I wouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Some of my favorite characters were always Elena, Tiana, and Launchpad McQuack. I also enjoyed seeing Peter Pan.

One day, upon my reflecting which I did often, I came across a very special song in Mister Roger’s Neighborhood - one of my special interests and shows that I enjoyed when I was younger. It’s called “I like you as you are” I will write the lyrics down below:

🎶I like you as you are

Exactly and precisely

I think you turned out nicely

And I like you as you are

I like you as you are

Without a doubt or question

Or even a suggestion

Cause I like you as you are

I like your disposition

Your facial composition

And with your kind permission

I'll shout it to a star

I like you as you are

I wouldn't want to change you

Or even rearrange you

Not by far

I like you

I-L-I-K-E-Y-O-U

I like you, yes I do

I like you, Y-O-U

I like you, like you as you are 🎶

I sang this song to Mickey and Minnie one August day in Town Square Theater, and they enjoyed it very much. So much that I could feel them both sobbing onto me as I held onto each one of them and reminded them that they were so special. I looked them into the eye and told them that I loved them exactly as they were and that they never had to do anything extraordinary like put on a funny hat or sing a funny song for me to love them. I remembered the photopass cast member, Meredith, whom I did not know at the time, sobbing her eyes out at the “selfless act of love” and affirming words that she later described to me in a well-written letter, thanking me for what I had done. I hugged Meredith that day, and I told her that I loved her as she was and that there was only one person on earth like her. Did I say that to gain attention? No. I said that to Meredith because she deserved to hear that. Don’t we all? How much is it to ask to simply remind others how proud you are of them? And how much you enjoy being around them?

That song followed me throughout the rest of my internship and I sang it every time after that encounter with Meredith, Mickey and Minnie. And I delivered affirmations each time after that reminding my character friends and former cast members how much I openly, fiercely, freely and unapologetically loved each and every one of them without the expectation to gain something from that love that I had given.

When fall arrived, I was having a hard time coping with my job, but I still made time for the weekly visits to the characters. I started dressing up more frequently and as other characters due to the Halloween Party pass I had. I had so many different outfits - Peter Pan, Pinocchio, Mickey Mouse, Tigger, Pooh, Mister Rogers, and of course my old friend, Christopher Robin whom I never forgot about.

My friend Shay even organized a birthday party where several of my entertainment friends showed up. There was a Winnie The Pooh cake and some decorations and even some gifts. Most of it was beautiful art that I still have, and by that time I had completed the Winnie The Pooh Original stuffed animal collection I had mentioned earlier. Tigger now had Pooh, Piglet and Eeyore to keep him company. I wa grateful to had spent my birthday around so many people who mattered to me and who reminded me how special I was. For once in my life, that child from my heart so many years ago that longed for friends, finally got his one true wish.

Months had passed, and I had all of these special bonds with all of my favorite character friends. My friend Koda from Brother Bear was another bear-y good friend I liked to visit. I used to come to the dance party in animal kingdom back in June/July and just watch Koda from the sidelines, too anxious to say hi, until one day Koda came to me. I attended the dance party once a week after that. Koda and my character captain friend Lisa even got me a little Koda Bear as a gift after the dance party had ended due to a lack in entertainment funds and Koda had to go away. Though I was heartbroken, I was thankful for the special one-on-one time that they always allowed me to have with my friend.

After Fall left, I knew that my mission was over and that my message was fulfilled. My last week at Disney was my most favorite but most painful goodbye I think I ever experienced. It started at Animal Kingdom with a visit to Launchpad McQuack - one of my most beloved characters. I looked into his eyes one more time, and reminded him how much I loved him while delivering the affirmation that had grown on me in those seven months: “did you know that you make so many days so special for so many people? Just by being yourself. There is only one person in the whole world exactly like you and people can like you exactly as you are” choked up, I could feel my throat swelling up as I blinked and tears fell from my eyes while singing one last time “I like you as you are... exactly and precisely..” I sobbed my eyes out as I walked on to my next goodbye. That was when the entertainment leader had come out and said that she had a day filled with surprises for me. I got to say goodbye to all of my favorite fab five pals like Goofy, Donald, Daisy, chip n Dale.. they all surprised me with a big group hugs. I could feel them all, specifically Donald, sobbing next to me as I said again for one last time “you have made these seven months the most SPECIAL seven months.. by just you’re being you!” Sang my song and grabbed a few more photos before begging led to every single character in animal kingdom. My heart was truly touched at the way I was treated with such profound kindness that day.

After that, shay brody and my “new dad Scott” made our way to Magic Kingdom to say goodbye to my friends Tigger and Pooh. I don’t even remember being able to speak at first because I was just so heartbroken, so instead, I began to faintly sing “I like you as you are....” my tears interrupted me as I sobbed gasping for air and never wanting to leave the side of the two furry friends who helped change me for the better. For the last time for a while, I reminded pooh and tigger how much I loved them. I thanked them for their friendship and gave them each one last kiss on the nose. I was allowed to walk with them back to their special spot near backstage area. One last hug, one last affirmation, and one last kiss and then that chapter in my adventure book had ended.

I was always so thankful for every good thing that everyone did while thinking of me and my mission to LOVE while I was in Orlando. Learning to love others and to be loved was my greatest achievement. I am proud to have been an assett and to have mattered to that company and community, but now, it’s time to move on to school and to love even more and to show what I learned while I was gone. I still often think of Christopher Robin. I am thankful for him and although he is tucked away for now, he is always with me - just like those special memories with pooh and tigger and the other phenomenal entertainment folks of Walt Disney world.

One more thing before I sign off for the night, you have made this day so special for me. Just by being you. There is no one else on earth exactly like you, and I like you exactly as you are. In fact, that’s what makes you so great. You’re you and I’m Me. We are still able to grow and to love even at 20 years old or 45 or even 100. Don’t ever lose that sense of childlike wonder, internet neighbor.

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one-night-story · 5 years

Text

Heart of a Man (Hríd)

A/N: Y’know, I wish I had like... an excuse or something but the truth is that uni ended and I didn’t wanna write anything, then I started the project, and now I’m addicted to Fire Emblem Heroes, because of @lunalove25 so now all of you must suffer with me as I drown in both my inability to deal with not having affection 24/7 and possibly wrestling with my identity. Meet my Summonersona (yup that’s what I’m calling them) Summoner River. (’cause both my actual Summoner name and my name are already characters in different fandoms)

River was sitting on a hill. Alone. They didn’t mind, prefered it even. Breidablik was laying next to them and they were staring out at the valley away from camp. River needed a break, more accurately they needed a nap. But everytime they went to lay down and take one, they were ripped away and in need to do something. So seeking solitude was as close as they were going to get.

“Mind if I join you?” A male voice asked. River looked over their shoulder and found Hríd looking at them with a hint of pensive energy bleeding into his usual stoic expression. He was standing just a bit behind them, so had River decided to have said “no” he could leave without much fuss. But River nodded and looked back down at their hands. They had summoned Hríd a week ago and always found themselves at ease in his presence. They were close, but he didn’t call them Rio yet. Hríd nodded and wandered the rest of the way. Promptly sitting down, adjusting his sword, and then laying out so his head fell into River’s lap. River chuckled slightly, they hadn’t made it secret that with very few exceptions they were open to affection. Hríd was just such a stoic figure in their mind that they found it surprising that he of all people would take them up on the offer.

“Comfy?” River asked. Hríd let out a light chuckle.

“Very.” He replied. River smiled and let one of their hands start to play with Hríd’s hair. They were slightly surprised when he leaned into their touch. So River continued, letting their fingers stroke the strands, occassionally twisting them and allowing the fingers to take their sweet time. “Rumor around camp is that you’re quite the singer.” Hríd said.

“I wouldn’t say that, Azura and Shigure are far better,” River said.

“I believe you’re just being moddest River. And even if that is the case, I’d like to decide myself.” Hríd said. River sighed and lean into the tree a bit, still letting their fingers play with strands of his hair.

“Fine,” River remarked. “For you, prince.” They added. It took them a second to decide as Hríd looked up at them expectantly. River smiled softly and settled on something.

“Heavy and hard is the heart of the king. King of iron, king of steel. The heart of the king loves everything like the hammer loves the nail.” They started and immediately Hríd was transfixed. River wasn’t even looking at them, instead focusing on something in the distance, but Hríd still watched.

“But the heart of a man is a simple one. Small and soft, flesh and blood. And all that it loves is a woman, a woman is all that it loves. And Hades is king of the scythe and the sword. He covers the world in the color of rust. He scrapes the sky and scars the earth. And he comes down heavy and hard on us.” River sang. Occasionally, their glance fell to Hríd, who sometimes had his eyes closed, but other times was looking up at River with such a sense of fondness it almost hurt them to know that they might have to leave all of this one day.

"But even that hardest of hearts unhardened, suddenly, when he saw her there, Persephone in her mother’s garden. Sun on her shoulders, wind in her hair,” River found themselves swaying at this line, something they always did when they sung that line in particular. “The smell of the flowers she held in her hand. And the pollen that fell from her finger tips.” They finally fully looked down at Hríd and smiled. “And suddenly Hades was only a man, with the taste of nectar upon his lips, singing la, la la, la, la, la, la, la.” River trailed off as they continued to play with Hríd’s hair, now swaying just a bit more.

“Now I’m certain you were being modest.” Hríd remarked from his spot. River looked down and smiled just a little.

“Thanks. I don’t do it for other people very often, it’s just something that occupies my time on occasion.” They said. “Gives me comfort sometimes, like when my brain’s over run and I can barely think straight… it gives me something to focus on.”

“What does the song mean though?” Hríd asked. River smiled and thought of the best way to describe their mythology to a man who is in the process of helping them kill a god.

“It’s from an album that tells the story of a man who’s a musician and one day, his fiancé is tricked into dying. So he goes to the underworld to get her back. The song is the musician appealing to the king of the realm that he was once the same way the musician was once and nothing but time really separates their ordeals.” River explained. Hríd nodded but still looked at them.

“How does it end?” He asked. River chuckled.

“The king of the Underworld allows the musician to take his wife back, if and only if, he believes and trust her enough to follow him without having to look back. If he is to look back, he’ll lose her forever. The musician accepts this deal and he and his wife walk towards the exit. But as they walk, doubt comes in and just as they are steps away from the exit, the musician turns, and thus loses his wife.” They explained.

“Does your realm have stories with happy endings? It seems all you tell carry sadness, endings where they die or they end up with the wrong person, it makes me worry for you.” Hríd pondered.

“There are some, but there’s something to be said about unhappy endings. Besides, endings are inherently unhappy, A poet in my realm once said that “There are no happy endings, endings are the saddest part, so just give me a happy middle and a very happy start.”” River said.

“Your realm never ceases to amaze me.” He said. River’s hand had gone lax in his hair, but was still in it, occasionally playing with the ends. That was until Hríd sat up and kneeled next to River. “May I hug you River?” He asked. River smiled slightly.

“Only if you start calling me Rio.” They replied.

“Rio?” Hríd asked. Even as a question, River could tell they could drown in Hríd calling them that.

“It’s a nickname my friends call me. In my realm it’s another culture’s word for River.” They explained. Hríd nodded.

“Rio it is then.” He said. As the words left his mouth he looped his arms around River and pulled them quickly into his chest. River managed to get their arms around their waist and squeezed, trying to not completely squish their face into his armor. They stayed like that for a while until Hríd pulled them backwards and landed so River was still on his chest. River let a small laugh escape their lips as they fell and was grinning, though they tried to get up, but was quickly discovered they were unable to.

“Can I help you?” They asked in jest to try and figure out why a crowned prince had willingly put himself into a situation like this. Not that River was complaining too much, they were comfy and while physically Hríd was cold, they found themselves very comforted by that. Not least of which because the urge to take a nap had returned.

“In a way that is meaningful? For a start you can rest. Rio, I know how hard you work and you need to rest.” He said.

“That’s why I was up here in the first place.” River responded. “Though I kinda want to just nap.” They added, slowly dropping their head to Hríd’s chest. Hríd let out a sigh and shifted under River a bit before looping his arm around their waist. His hand drew small circles on the small of their back, trying to ease whatever tension they had. River let out a content sigh. “I will pass out if you keep doing that.”

“That’s the goal dear Rio, get some rest, the weather is nice enough and I’ll move if it changes.” Hríd said. River wanted to complain, but they’re far too touch starved to deny the comfort being brought to them right now. Who were they to deny being held when that was their one big complaint in life.

“Fine, but only because you’re like… perfect sleeping temperature.” They muttered into his chest. Hríd chuckled, not even really sure what that meant. But they were cute so he allowed it. With a small peck on their forehead, Hríd allowed River to drift off and soon enough, he did as well.

#fire emblem #fire emblem heroes #fire emblem heroes imagines #fire emblem imagines #feh hrid #fe hrid #hrid imagines #in which em writes

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