#thank u for tagging me im so sorry i took ages to answer!!!

[gjdraws]

Tagged by @sammags and @hwaetnot thank you!

1️⃣ Favourite Colour: I mean it varies but I suppose this shade of purple has stuck out the longest. Honorable mention to this rose red thing though

2️⃣ Last song:

Yes... uhhhh okaaayyy so maybe I've been listening to Paul's songs yes I know

Shoutout to Love song for a vampire by Annie Lennox (yes this might be about Victoria I said what I said)

3️⃣ Currently reading: Nothing at the moment but got done with the Lost World by Michael Crichton, might brave up and read the Ramayana.

4️⃣ Currently watching: SLINGS AND ARROWS! AND DUE SOUTH!

5️⃣ Currently craving: Dim sum, mostly steamed bao T_T

6️⃣ Coffee or Tea? Tea! Black tea, chai really. A nice big cup of masala chai tbh

7️⃣ A hobby you would like to try: BOOKBINDING. God I would love to do actual bookbinding.

8️⃣ An AU you're working on/Thought of: Ha. Ha. I have notes for an AU where Fraser does run with Victoria and what Ray does to get him back. But also this is a v grandiose in that I want to draw it in the style of Moebius. This is Moebius:

I am not setting myself up for success.

There is also the story which I will never end up working on but Madame DaFarge (who is a lawyer by day) meets with Fraser while on the job and talks to this boy (over time) in 90s terminology about all things ace, demi, submissive, and generally things that contribute to his wellbeing that do not involve Jumping Off High Spaces.

Tagging @mauvecardigans @pigtailedgirl @syrupmap @menocchio-final-final @twobrokenwyngs @miss-cees-misadventures

[yandereshingeki]

omggg so i was in the middle of making a pizza and i realized that im now able to come and say hi :> hiii forest ! thank u sm for all of ur compliments on my drawings on aleks' prev blog <3 ive just checked ur art tag and omgggg ure amazing at drawing im speechless ! for how long have u been drawing ? and which are ur fav and least fav things to draw? im v curious but u can answer those questions only if u feel like it <3 just wanted to thank u for being nice overall !

HI CANNIBAL ANON!! I am so sorry this took so long to respond to, you sent it just as I was heading out for work and I wanted to wait to answer it so here i am!!

You’re absolutely welcome, all of your drawings are absolutely adorable!! You’re so talented, I love seeing all the little doodles you do!! And you and lunita are so cute 😭😭 I could cry

And thank YOU for enjoying my art!! :,) I’m comfy with answering anything so dw!!!

I’ve been drawing for as long as I can remember, but if we’re being specific I’m pretty sure I started taking art more “seriously” around the age of 5 (that was when I looked at tutorials and started drawing a lot more! I actually still have the first notebook I started to draw in, and i have almost every sketchbook I’ve drawn in saved so I could probably go back and watch myself progress if i wanted to ejdhwkehka)

personally I also really love to draw bodies!! I love drawing all the lines and details in the skin & figuring out the way that the body looks when it bends and twists certain ways! I love studying muscles & bones to try and improve too, its my favorite part about drawing agahsjshea (if we’re taking about a favorite thing to draw tho, I absolutely love drawing my blorbos… especially eren, hes so easy for me to draw)

i’d say my least favorite thing would be clothes, because even though i enjoy it sometimes, clothing is sooo hard for me to figure out ;; not just for drawing, but also figuring out what to make a character wear?? I’d rather just keep them naked tbh but thats not always possible 😭😭

And let me say thank you to you again!! I was honestly so surprised seeing you follow me sjegajveksje im honored 😭😭 🫶 Appreciate you sm cannibal!!

[fandom-blackhole]

Sinful Sunday!

AN: Nothing much to put here other than I am sorry I didn't do ships last night like I thought, I ended up babysitting later than I thought I would and I had to finish these two thots up. Other than that enjoy!

Sinful Sunday Masterlist

Pairings: Modern!Boba Fett x College Student!Reader, Merman!Din Djarin x Lighthouse Keeper!Reader

Modern!Boba Fett x Reader

We got another sexy Boba THOT babes, but be warned this does really highlight the older male x younger female relationship, mostly because this one is purely self indulgent. So I guess, warning older Boba and reader in college....

The first you had met Boba is when some average Chad had started annoying you at a popular bar among college students. You had tried everything to get him to leave you alone, to the point of turning your back on him, which was obviously a mistake when you felt his hand slither along your waist and attempt to grope you. But he was stopped short when he was ripped away from you by none other than Boba himself, who immediately shoved him out of the bar, before returning to you to ask if you were alright, and to tell the bartender to put your drinks on his tab, with a secretive chuckle. You didn't know it then, but Boba was the owner of the bar. And you also weren't expecting for that one time thing to turn into you taking him home a year later on spring break to meet your parents. You were nervous at how your parents would react to the age difference, but things had gone over well, and Boba quickly won over both of your parents much to your glee.

But Boba was devious, and you shouldn't have expected more. So when the two of you had down time you found yourself sitting on your bed between his legs leaning against his chest while watching a movie on your laptop, as you parents sat doing the same, just a wall away.

When you felt Boba's hands wandering, you didn't think much of it at first, but then you felt his touches increasingly become more and more sure in their paths and his lips grazing your neck and up to your ear. Giving out a small whine when he brushes over your breast and gave it a squeeze he whispers huskilu in your ear, "Lets test how quiet you can be little one. Let's see if I can make you cum without your parents catching on, hmmm? How does that sound princess?"

Whinpering quietly as Boba presses his hand against you through both you panties and sweat pants, you bucked your hips up giving him the confirmation he wanted. Boba wasted no time at all in diving his hand underneath both you underwear and sweats and going straight for the spot he knows makes you scream with his thick fingers. It took everything in you not to shout at the immediate pleasure he thrust upon you and you could do nothing to cover up the gasp you released when he dug his palm into your clit making your eyes roll back in pleasure.

"Oh little one, you better be quiet or someone is going to realize what I am doing to you," he chuckles as he kisses your neck and just continues with his absolute torturous onslaught of pleasure. Biting your lip you throw your head back onto his shoulder as your orgasm starts approaching you quickly and you whimper out his name softly before biting your lip.

Boba just shoves his spare hand up your shirt and into your bra to play with your breast as he starts to slam his fingers into that spot hard, over and over and over ond over, until you can't tell which way is up and which way is down. You grip his forearm and start bucking your hips up into his hand making your clit rub against his palm even more, and before you know it your orgasm is washing over you as Boba continues to press you through it.

When you finally come down from the height of pleasure Boba thrust you into, you found him lacking his fingers clean with a groan, saying, "Such a good girl for me princess. For being so quiet and good, tonight I will reward you with my cock."

Merman!Din Djarin x Reader

Okay, @moodsworks you did this to me with the perfect and cute Merman!Din drawing you posted because I cant stop thinking about it. (Also im tagging you because I thought you may like to read it 🥺👉👈) oh and I don't know the first thing that comes to lighthouses and upkeep so don't come for me lol....

Living in and working the lighthouse could be lonely at times, but you enjoyed the solitude and privacy that came with living at least 45 minutes from the closest town. Not that the people of said town were in anyway rude to you, infact when you first moved into your job as lighthouse keeper they had welcomed you with open arms and thanked you for filling the position. Many of the women in town had husbands that worked on boats that sailed and fished in the area and when you came to town they always made sure you had everything you needed at a very large discount that you fought everytime, but was secretly thankful for considering your pay wasn't exactly the best and mainly went towards other needs you had for the lighthouse.

You took two monthly trips to town, and both times you would leave early enough that you could go and have a warm breakfast at the small diner just on the edge of town. Every time you walked through the doors you were always met with the largest table in the building-- which honestly only sat 10 to 12 people -- full of the older couples in town having coffee and gossiping about the town. The first morning you had stumbled into the small restaurant at this early time they had invited you to join them and you had kindly accepted. They all had pitched in to pay for your food which you thanked them profusely for, and they chatted with you as you ate. They each took turns being nosey and asking questions about you, but you didn't feel the need to hide so you answered each question honestly. Then, one of the eldest women at the table turned to you and asked, "Have you heard the rumors or tales of that lighthouse, darling?"

When you only shook your head she grinned and continued, "Well, the legend here in town is that the place is haunted by sea creatures of the nefarious kind. They say that those beasts constantly sabotage and wreak havoc constantly on that lighthouse, and that they are the reason no keepers stay at that post for longer than a year."

You had only smiled and shook your head in response with a small chuckle, quickly dismissing the superstitions away. You had already been there a month and nothing odd other than thick fogs had happened.

You had been there three months by the time you started hearing the odd splashes at night, splashes that certainly didn't sound like the waves crashing on rocks. You had dismissed it again thinking it to be the migrating whales that you were told come through this time of year.

It would only be a few weeks later that your next curiosity would happen. This time you were up looking out the windows at the very top of the lighthouse watching as the sun was setting. You had just turned to leave, when out of the corner of your eye you saw a large figure jump from the water. Whipping your head around the creature had already disappeared back into the water. You waited and watched the water for a few minutes, confused  and curious because whatever it had been had been too small for a whale. It was more of the size and shape of a dolphin, though longer than one? When nothing appeared again you shook your head and went down into the lighthouse just assuming the solitude was playing tricks on your mind.

By the time the next oddity started happening you had completely forgotten about the other two, and almost three months had passed. This time it sounded as if rocks were being thrown that the lighthouse at night, and hard. The next morning when you had gone to investigate you had been shocked and angered when you found softball sized rocks scattered around and the red paint chipped and ruined along the side of the lighthouse base. You had marched inside and searched for the paint in order to fix the damage and made plans to go to the town tomorrow and ask about, assuming it was just rebellious teenagers. It took all day to find and paint over the spots, while stopping for water breaks because of the heat that was beating down onto you. When you finally went to bed that night you were satisfied with your handiwork and ready to hit the hay, expecting to be up early in the morning for a trip to town. Only you were woken up later, much later, by the sound of rocks being flung at the lighthouse again. Angered, you checked the time, seeing it was 3 am, before running outside to catch the culprit red handed, only to make short eye contact with what you swore was a human head that had quickly disappeared under the water just as quickly as you had spotted it. In a daze you had walked back into the building trying to wrap your head around what you had seen. The next morning you had gone to town, and just brushed off what you had seen the night before as just a dream. You had gotten up later than you had wanted, so when you made your trip to town you had completely skipped the diner and headed straight to the farmers market that you knew was open on the town square. You had purchased a few items and stuck them in the large bag you carried, and was walking away from a stall when you ran into the elderly woman again. She had smiled and asked to walk with you and you had tiredly agreed. She had completely shocked you when she spoke up as the two of you were at a stall looking through some homemade breads.

"The incidents have started, haven't they? The odd noises and little damages around the place? I can tell by just how tired you look darling." Speechless you had only gaped at her, shocked when she looked up and smiled at you before laughing and saying, "Oh hun, you can't live as long as I have here without picking up a thing or two. And since I like you, I'll give you a small tip, leaving lobster and clams out on the rocks always seem to calm the creature down, but never leave oysters, they do NOT like those," she finished with a chuckle. The two of walked in silence to the next couple of stalls and on the last one, which coincidentally was the fish stall, the woman paid for your items with a mischievous smile when she noticed that your items included several clams and a singular lobster.

That evening you left the lobster on the large flat rock that hung over into the water, before going inside to do your chores before bed. For the first night in a couple of days, you slept completely through the night and woke up fully rested early the next morning. When you had done a survey of the water looking for anything unusual you had noticed the lobster was still there, but it was only the shell which was ripped to pieces.

After that night, you started continuously leave some kind of offering out on the rocks for whatever creature had been troubling you, and it seemed to work whatever creature had been bothering you before had seemed to be sated with your offerings.

This went on for months, and before you knew it the weather was turning colder and the that meant snow storms and more late nights watching for ships. You didn't mind it at first, and honestly it just peaked your curiosity thinking you might catch the culprit you had been leaving offerings for. But as the nights went on you found that whatever it was knew when you were watching and only came for the offerings when you left your post for quick breaks, like going to the bathroom or refilling your mug with your hot drink of the night. 

Then one night you were shocked out of the slight doze you had fallen into by a shout. Panicked you stood when you heard the deep voice again and looked around to see where the sounds was coming from, and that is when you spotted a dark figure out on the flat rock holding something small in his arms. Hurriedly you rushed down the stairs and grabbed your lamp before rushing out to the rock where the figure was shouting. You still look back and wonder how you didn't slip and crack your head with how fast you ran out there, let alone how you ran out there without thinking of the dangers. But in the moment you could only register the helplessness that sounded in the deep voice that kept shouting until you came into sight. You had only taken a second to be taken aback by the man...merman? You couldn't see all of him but from the quick, and confusing, glance you took of him showed his curling wet deep brown hair and eyes and scales shimmering in a steely silver color. But you didn't focus on him long when you notice the small green shape curled in his lap, the small creature clearly injured and it broke your heart when it let out a pained whimper as it lifted its tiny head to look at you. You were broken from the tiny creatures gaze by the man speaking up, "He's injured, can you help?"

You only took a second to take in the way his eyes shined in the lamp light, before you took a step closer you watched the man tense and wrap his arm around the small injured creature defensively, so you cautiously raised a hand and said soothingly, "Please, I do want to help, but I need to get closer to get a better look him..." You waited for the man to relax a little before you took another step forward, and then another and you slowly approached him before kneeling before him and holding your hands out asking, "May I?"

Reluctantly he pulled his arms away and you reached forward. It didn't take long to find the deep gash along his tiny arm. Carefully you looked up at the man, who was staring at you closely watching your every move. Taking a deep breath you looked him in the eye said said, "I can help him, I have first aid training enough to fix injuries like this......." then you trailed off knowing he would not like what you would say next. Then you watched his eyes narrow and study you as he asked, "But?"

Gulping, you sigh and respond, "But I need to take him to the lighthouse where all my supplies are and where it is light enough that I can see what I am doing.... Also for an injury like this, I will need to watch him for at least a week, just to make sure everything heals right."

The man watched you for a few seconds, before slowly saying, "But you can help him?" When you nod in response he carefully hands the small creature to you and as you stand and go to grab your lamp, you turn to him and ask a question, only to find him struggling to pull himself onto the rock completely to, you can only assume, follow you.

"What in the world are you doing?!"

"Where ever I go he goes, and where ever he goes, I go," he grunted out as he strained and pulled his long body to follow you. Sighing in exasperation as well as concern, you blurted out, "Listen, let me go get him situated and stabilized. Then I can come by with my car so you aren't dragging yourself, and most likely injuring yourself." He was hesitant, but he agreed after glancing at the small being in your arms. So after throwing him a quick, I'll be right back, you rushed back to the lighthouse.

Once inside you gently laid the small injured creature softly on the kitchen towels that you had folded earlier and had not put away. Then you ran to grab the large red first aid box from under the bed before returning. Inside you quickly grabbed everything you needed and quickly set to work. You worked quickly and carefully, and it felt like no time before you had the wound sutured back together. Not wanting to leave what you could only assume to be a sleeping, injured infant on the counter you reached over to your sink and filled it with warm water and added sea salt, before carefully lowering the child into the water. Once you confirmed that the young creature was okay and peacefully asleep you ran to your car and drove it as close to the rock as possible, only to find the merman clenching his jaw and dragging himself along the small pathway. When you jumped out of the car you leant down to help him while chastising him.

"I told you to wait, what would you have done if you injured yourself?"

"You took too long."

Hearing the finality in his voice, and also the concern, you let it go and quietly helped pull him into the back of your car.

Once again back at the lighthouse, you told him to wait while you went and got something. When you returned you had a large blanket, which you laid on the ground and told him to lay on, because it you make it easier to pull him inside. Grunting he did as told, and while it took you awhile to pull his weight, once you were on the slick floors of the lighthouse, you were able to get him to the kitchen in no time to show him...his child?

You let them be for a second ad you put the blanket away, but as you watched the man's face calm down after seeing g with his own eyes that the young child was safe and taken care of. When he heard you reenter the kitchen he slumped to the floor and whisper, "Thank you, we had no where else to go, and you have always treated us kindly so you were the only one I could think of to help."

"It was nothing, I am glad I could help. But... what do you mean by kind to you? This is the first time we have met?"

He then looked you in the eye and said, "But you leave us food, even after he wrecked the red flakes on your home."

"Well I feel bad now, because I was only leaving a little food out there. There us no way it is enough for both of you!"

"It has always been enough for Grogu, and that is all I can ask for."

"Wait, are you hungry? I have tones of clams if you are, and from the looks of it, Grogu?" you ask hesitantly only for him to nod, "will be asleep for awhile, if you would like to eat and rest?"

He sits there for a minute before saying, "It has been a long day...."

Smiling, you go to the fridge and pull out a large bowl of clams that you sit next to him before taking a seat across from him on the floor.

" If those aren't enough, I have more in the freezer that I can thaw out for you?"

He shook his head and replied, "This is plenty, thank you."

You sat in silence as he broke open and ate his food for a few minutes before you spoke up again, "Sorry to interrupt your meal, but I know what to call your little one, but do you have a name you would like me to call you?"

You watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, and then he looked you in the eye and said, "My name is Din....but I must ask you to only use it when we are alone."

Nodding you smiled and waited for him to finish eating, but once he got halfway through the bowl your brain finally caught up to the confession he had given earlier.

"Wait a second. Grogu? That small little creature? HE through those stones at my lighthouse?! How?!"

[maggielindemanns]

tag nine people to learn about their interests!

TAGGING: @ijzerengels @calumthoodshands @redrattlers @thenervousduck @arzkiya-hai @kritiquer @lesbianearn @sondergf @embeddedinmybrain @vexedtonightmares @tsjernobyl @bandsanitizer @tarcyjonsson and anyone else that wants to! idk who did this or not, sorry if you already did it but you may of course ignore me.

aaaa also thank you @ottelu for the tag! love u bestie <3

MUSIC

fave genre: r&b and pop, for sure

fave artist: ariana grande, halsey, savannah ré, normani, alina baraz, kiana ledé, chloe moriondo, troye sivan, the neighbourhood, bastille, 5SOS (& luke hemmings solo !!!!!! my baby) — basically i love music, we been knew, i have so many faves i can’t pick one

fave song: rn it’s for sure ur best friend by kiana ledé ft kehlani or girl on tv by chloe moriondo

most listened to song lately: according to last.fm, it’s wild side by normani agskdhsk i do wish she released it without cardi tho i’ll die on this hill idc its fine i just skip her part

song currently stuck in your head: you right by doja cat actually and ur best friend i couldn’t stop singing those two at work

five fave lyrics (in no particular order, there’s too many i love omg)

“i know i’ll never meet your expectations / but the picture that you paint of me looks better in your mind” — high, 5SOS

“you don’t believe in one divine / but can you tell me you believe in mine? / ‘cause you’ve been my god, my god / and when you’re gone i’m godless, i’m godless” — godless, banks

“you’re the only one, you’re the only one / i’m so wrapped up in a daze / hoping this is just a phase / but when all is said and done / i know you are still the one” — the only one, the black keys

“i get lost inside all the stars in your eyes, it’s a galaxy / you control the tide like the moon in the sky, you’re the gravity” — more than enough, alina baraz

“standing there, you look at me / understanding everything / yeah, it’s so fascinating / you patch up the blood and the cuts / but our blood got mixed up / so i guess we belong to each other” — love song, yungblud

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume | slow or fast songs | music video or lyric video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

fave book genre: idk i prefer like YA novels and romance i guess but idc really, i just don’t like fantasy stuff like harry potter or . historical fiction?? i guess you could call it?? (tried to read pride and prejudice for leisure ……….. boring as fuck like holy shit) or science fiction like boring boring boring idc no offense to anyone that loves it of course

fave writer: don’t have one really

fave book: aaaaaa i don’t have one of these either !! the one that always comes to mind though is giovanni’s room, but i just love that book, it was brilliant

fave series: mmmm i don’t really like series but caro’s got me into reading trc so i guess that’ll be my fave series once i’m done!

comfort book: rwrb <3

fave book to read on a rainy day: giovanni’s room sgsjdhsj i literally reread it bc it has some of my fave lines ever

fave characters: adam parrish, blue sargent, ronan lynch, gansey but he on thin ice, ari and dante, aiden navarro, alex claremont-diaz, charlie and nick (actually . everyone in heartstopper except the characters that are a plague <3), and more that i cannot think of most likely

five fave book quotes: (again no particular order i love so many)

“My dear fellow, you forget that we are in the native land of the hypocrite.” || “The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. The curves of your lips rewrite history.” — the picture of dorian gray, oscar wilde

“topography on the map of you, a world i’m still charting.” — red, white, and royal blue, casey mcquiston

“It is cruel to have made me want to live only to make my death more bloody.” || “I loved him. I do not think that I will ever love anyone like that again.” || “And here my baby came indeed, through all that sunlight, his face flushed and his hair flying, his eyes, unbelievably, like morning stars.” || “And there’s something awful about being at the mercy of a stranger.” — giovanni’s room, james baldwin (ik i cheated so bad w this SHUSH)

“And then I think we all realized what fools we’d been. We might get out sometime, but she was locked up forever in that body.” — girl, interrupted, susanna kaysen

“You and I, we don’t walk the lines. We just follow the echoes.” || “My mother used to say, ‘Don’t throw compliments away, so long as they’re free.’” His face was very earnest. “That one wasn’t meant to cost you anything, Blue.” — the raven boys, maggie stiefvater

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | read at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by summaries | rereading or reading just once

TV & MOVIES

fave tv/movie genres: coming of age, romance (ehhh to some degree), i like indie movies, idk same as books i dont like science fiction, historical stuff, or fantasy im boring okay

fave movie: dont have one tbh

comfort movie: speech and debate or easy a

movie you watch every year: dont have one

fave tv show: dear white people or skam + remakes, i like other ones tho like stranger things

comfort show: skamverse <3 not exactly an answer but mhm

most rewatched tv show: skamverse or dear white people OR THE FOSTERS …. dude …….. i used to watch that all day every day then they took it off netflix …. now it’s dance moms i play for background noise and watch on occasion

five favorite characters: lionel higgins, joelle brooks, olive penderghast, lucas lallemant, eleonora sava, fallon carrington, howie (speech and debate), connor walsh, annalise keating, wes gibbins, archie coleman, ellie chu, beth harmon, lara jean covey (yes here i am overlisting again i’m so sorry)

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging (well …. i don’t binge actually i have a horrible attention span) | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

[demwhore]

Rocketeer (N.YT)

Pairing: Jaeger Pilot! Yuta & Female Reader

featuring some nct and wayv members

Jaeger! au | Pacific Rim! au

Description:  It takes high courage to ride a Jaeger and to kill a Kaiju.

Or: Yuta deadpanned, “I’m a fucking Jaeger pilot. That is something I should boast about.”

words ➙ 15k

genre ➙ sci-fi, angst, romance, action, fantasy, smut

warnings ➙ major character death, graphic description of monsters, physical violence, language, scenes of making out, smut 

A/N ➙ I am deeply inspired by the movie, Pacific Rim. However, i made some changes in the plot. This was rushed, im sorry. This wasn’t proofread, I apologize for some grammatical errors. This took me a while to write but it was worth it. Happy Reading! Kindly reblog and like! <3

P.S ➙  I edited the fic poster using photoshop cs4 and polarr. All credits (pictures used) belong to the perspective owners (sm entertainment & the creators of Pacific Rim) that edit took me ages (please credit me if you wanted to repost the edit, don’t let my efforts go to waste D:) I also created the moodboard (in the teaser), all pictures used are from pinterest. I had to cry blood while editing oml lol, however it was enjoyable and im drooling for yuta pls claim me

Playlist ➙ rocketeer by far east movement, surrender by cash cash, i’m feeling good by michael bublé, pacific rim by ramin djawadi & tom morello

Tags ➙ @shinseobs​ [hi tiff, ily so much!], @insomni-writing​ [hi somni, thank you for proofreading the draft, ur the best!], @jaehyunspaghetti​ [hi bby, i hope u are doing well!], @neocultvretechs​ [hi my lovely kai, i hope u enjoy my little yuta fic offering to u], @milkinqjungs​ [love u], @jaextapose​ [ruth ur the best ;)], and all the yuta stans out there!

Kaiju ( 怪獣, かいじゅう, kaijū) Strange, Giant Beast.

Jaeger (yāɡər, German) Hunter.

“Is this a gift for winning against the Kaijus?”

Yuta murmured, “Ask me to fuck you, and I’ll glady do it.”

You whispered back, “Then do it.”

He responded well; responded to a need he could no longer control. He was driven by lust, passion and determination. Yuta crashed his lips onto yours. Your lips parted on a quiet moan; your hands busy hovering over your boyfriend's body. Instantly, you cling onto him, having his body as your support. Both of your mouths; busy, wild, willing, driven with so much anticipation. Breaths ragged. Darkened eyes. Yuta pressed his body onto you more, you felt giddy; his erection throbbing against your core. Your body vibrated against his; similar with a string plucked with so much force; like a plucked harp. His heart pounded  hard against his chest, his hands exploring your body; every curve of you that drives him insane in his room at the Underbase.  Your hollows that tormented him. You alone, made him drive to insanity, and he’s living for it. Every cell in your body screamed for only Nakamoto Yuta, your core ached for him, and him alone. Every need Yuta felt was only for you. Only you.

“I missed you.” You whispered the moment he left your mouth to dive into your exposed shoulders. Kissing your clavicles, leaving purple marks every suck he took. Yuta didn’t stop as he marked every exposed column of your throat. You tugged at his dirty blonde locks. Your breast rose and fell against his needy touches. “I missed you so much.”

Being a Jaeger pilot means sacrifice. Being deployed to far bases, away from each other. Fighting off Kaijus as if it’s the end of the fucking world. And the constant feel of fear never leaving both of your systems. Questions running through both of your minds, will you still see Yuta after a mission? Will he still see you? Will both of you survive? The world you both live in is so complicated to the extent; complex. Both of you always believed that the world is as alive as the inhabitants were. There is life everytime you look up at the skies. The celestial body is as alive as humans are. It was really fascinating. That is what both you and Yuta thought when you were both highschoolers; turns out the world has made a whole one-hundred and eighty turn; both of you were looking in the wrong direction. There was no life above but beneath. When alien life dominated the Earth it originated deep down the waters of the Pacific Ocean. Their entryway came from the fissure of the two tectonic plates; Pacific and Southern Plate. A made portal from hell to Earth. The Breach. 

Yuta breathed and looked at your eyes. Those tantalizing eyes that never failed to make Yuta in awe. He had seen how those eyes morphed into different emotions. Lust, fear, love, sadness and Yuta loved it, so much. Yuta could still remember the first landing of the Kaiju at his hometown, Osaka. He held your hands, and ran as far as he could bringing you out of the chaos you were in. 

He was vulnerable that time, young, not older than fifteen. He heard how loud the roars resonated from the giant beast. He saw how every infrastructure, made meticulously by humans, crumpled under one swing of the Kaiju. Yuta heard every alarm wail around his neighborhood, every shattered glass, every startled cry, including yours. That is the time Yuta swore, to fight off to the last of his breath, to protect you because he loved you so much. You don’t deserve any of this fucking mess. 

Your skin was flushed, your eyes slumberous, as you slid down your hands to cup his face.  “When I was there, fighting, all I could think was you. And all I know is, I love you so much.” Your words touched him, he had his hands framing your cheeks. He smiled, “I will kill every Kaiju so they won’t block my way into you. I’ll fight for you, my love, for us.” You raised a trembling finger, “I want to be alone with you. I will be deployed again tomorrow in Hong Kong. Make me yours tonight, Yuta.”

“That’s far, I’ll be staying here. But your plan is what I can’t argue with.” Your head was spinning, vision blurred into daze. Yuta looked at you as if you were a shimmering glass of cool water and he cannot control himself but to indulge you, as he was a man with a desperate thirst. You approached his face again but you dodged his lip, he grew impatient at your actions. You nibbled his right lobe and his familiar musky scent filled your senses. That scent that you always miss to smell every time you are on a mission. It made your heart thud. Nakamoto Yuta could drive you mad. “We are in the corridor of our base. I don’t want the marshal seeing us fuck here. Which room is closest?”

Yuta breathed out, “Mine.”

“Do you perhaps know an elevator that is barely used? I can’t let people see me in this kind of state.”

Yuta kissed you again, nibbling your lips. You elicited a quiet moan. “Trust me, people are almost asleep at this hour.” He linked his fingers onto yours and dragged you towards the elevator. The lift gave a sudden jolt. You turned around to capture Yuta’s swollen lips. Murmuring, “I want to feel you.” You scrambled and yanked away his tie, undo-ing his shirt, the buttons shoved aside the stanched material. A hum of pleasure surged on Yuta’s throat while you explored his chest; savoring the power of sinew and muscle underneath. You used a fingertip to trace his nipple, then your mouth replaced your fingertips in an instant. Yuta gasped and whispered incoherent cusses. His body lurched, beneath your plump lips you could feel his heart jolt at your sudden actions. Yuta groaned, he looked at you with half-hooded eyes, “You’ll be the death of me, (Y/N).”

You didn’t answer him, instead you tugged into his nipple using your teeth. “Fuck, (Y/N).”

The elevator halted. Yuta immediately scooped you around his torso. He squeezed your ass, making you yelp in surprise. His mouth took yours, initiated a dazzling, dizzying kiss. Your blood heated against his touch, it was hot like a burning flash against your skin, roaring through your core. One moment you felt a wall behind you, and Yuta trapped you and captured your lips once again. He sighed, then growled, “I want you naked.”

“Open your room, mister.” He assisted you down and approached his doors. He held the keys with a shaky hand. With a lot of effort he shoved the door wide and yanked your arm. The door shut with a loud thud. Yuta pushed your figure towards the door. He shoved your shirt out from your shoulders, down your arms. For thrilling moments, Yuta’s dark look made your core throb  with so much anticipation. The need raged, clawed inside her systems like a resident virus as his teeth seared off your exposed chest. Yuta wrapped your ponytail into his hands, then arched it towards the left to devour onto your exposed, now marked throat. You were a moaning mess, eyes shut at the delicious feeling Yuta is making you feel. He then neglected your throat, then claimed your lips once again. The vague sense of warmth enclosing both of your bodies. Your top is completely removed leaving you in your tank top and bra. Yuta was still completely dressed. Both of you staggered as you tried to push him away to undress him. He shoved you again to the nearest wall, his pounding erection making you cry out, you want him, badly. You thrusted against his bulge. Yuta’s breath hitched, following a harsh rasp through his lips. He caught your face, eyes dark as midnight, he stared down at you, “You want this?”

“Yes. Fuck me all you want, Yuta.”

On a vicious oath, he yanked your tank top. With an expert flick of his fingers, he unhooked you bra and yanked it off. Yuta’s hand is now at your waist, tight, he lifted you off your feet to take your breast into his mouth. The air around you thickened. Your breath snagged, in both of your lungs, as you arched back giving him more access, your fingers gliding down his shoulder blades. Yuta’s mouth fed sucked, his teeth scraping erotically on your tensed, aching, budded nipple, You whimpered against the wall, the mixture of pain and pleasure taking a toll on you, you were desperately calling out for his name, your pussy pounding, panties soaked. 

“Oh, god, Yuta. I can’t.”

“You can.” He lowered downwards. Your stomach, then your navel. He let go of your waist then he kneeled. Unbuckling your jeans and sliding it down in a tormenting manner. He then, twirled the lace of your panties, a playful smile tugging at his lips. “That’s it, be wet for me.” He pulled down the fabric down to your ankles, your eyes shutting at his touches. He parted your legs, then slid a slim finger onto your folds. You gasped. “Oh fuck.”

“Can you lie down?”

“On the floor?”

“I’m impatient.”

Yuta is shining, with sweat with the lamp light above both of you. You immediately lay down, the floor was cold. The sudden cold contact making you hiss, but you couldn’t care less. Yuta teasingly rubbed your labia, in a tortuous slow pace. Yuta gave a triumphant smile. He felt a sense of pride making you mewl onto the floor because of his touches. You shutted your eyes, moaning at the contact. His slim fingers going in slow directions; up and down. It was smooth with your juices oozing out. You couldn't bear with his teaching, you grabbed his wrist to push it into your core further. “Woah, woah, excited?”

“I hate you.”

He rubbed your clitoris; in a slow, sensual, circular manner and it made you gasp for air. You were now a moaning mess. Your eyes screw shut, your mind went haywire; black; full of desire and all you could think was Yuta’s fingers; torturing you erotically. It felt heavenly. After your clit, he dragged his fingers downwards, his other hand spreading your legs more apart. He slides in two fingers with ease, dragging your walls. Your hands clenched. Yuta dragged your arousal into his fingers. Then left you there, hanging, waiting for more. You peeked up, brows furrowed, but the sight in front of you was a masterpiece. Yuta looked like someone who was crafted by Michael Angelo; he knelt there, he looked ethereal; golden, in the yellow hue of his lamp, his slim fingers glistening with your juices, eyes locked into yours; dark as the midnight, full of lust. He licked his fingers and slid it all into his mouth. The flash of passion, the fury of need that darkened his eyes, filled with a sense of decadent power, as you laid there, all ready for him. Time and place was a virtue, but all you wanted was to spend your nights with him, only him.

“You really want to fuck me here? You’ve got a damn bed, Yuta.”

“Later.” The sight before him was something so lovely and intricate. The need you felt for him was primitive, overwhelming. You scrambled out from your position and one moment Yuta felt your greedy hands unbuckling his belt and unhooking his pants. He watched you in amusement, he didn’t complain, more; let you do your own will. You never moved so fast in your life, you undressed him so fast, it even surprised you. Yuta dragged you down onto the floor again, the coolness of the tiles against her back made her register to her dazed mind. Yuta leaned over. His mouth feasting over your flesh, greedy hands roaming and racing around your quivering body in a ruthless manner. Heat pumped into both of your systems. You felt yourself going warm, soft, melting into his touch. Becoming one. Your mouths connected once again. Hot and greedy. Salivas connecting. You nipped onto his lips, chest. Fingers grazing and digging into the hard ridge of his shoulders. Both of you couldn’t get enough of each other; savouring pore by pore. He palmed you, again. You gasped at the sudden touch, it sent shivers to your spine. His fingers went down to your core, moving against your heat, relentlessly building you up, the drive, the need for release clawing viciously. 

“Look at me, (Y/N).” His hair is mopped overhead. Damped, but still beautiful as it is. “I love you.” The shadows around you seemed to shift while your fingers stroked. His fingers are still busy devouring your core.  Sensation slid after sensation, building inside you, in trembling, shuddering layers, then exploded. Your vision blurred; a half sob tore from your lips. Strength gone, you lay there motionless, air around is thick with ragged breaths and sex. Your heartbeat stumbled. Yuta caressed his shaft, then the head; red, oozing with pre-cum. 

“You’ll hate me more.” Yuta grinned as he slammed his throbbing cock onto you. A sob of pure, overwhelming pleasure eased up your throat. You heard both of your flesh clicking with every move Yuta made. The air smelt of sex. Dark. Your body opened and joined with his. Arching, you meet his heavy thrusts lifting your hips after his attacks, moving in a desperate manner, urging him on “Shit, you feel so good.” In that fleeting moment, in the deep night. You understood, there will be no other man in your mind, only the man in front of you, deep, thrusting, Yuta was only the one. The one.

Underbase. South Korea

Yuta sat alone. He stared at your sleeping figure on his bed. The marks lingered on your neck like wild berries. He felt his arms shake uncontrollably. He stood up in his black boxers; and approached the medication box just inside his drawers. He searched for the familiar capsule. Chloroquine. His breathing steadied, and found the strength to look at your figure again. His subconscious is having an internal battle with his heart. He drank his medication and went to the bed with you. Your skin glowed like warm honey. Yuta whispered in, “I will stop loving you until the last rose dies.”

Yuta and you have been in ups and downs. Of which included; surviving the Kaiju attacks. 

Yuta could still remember that devastating day. Indistinct radio chatters. Government jets. Explosions. Roars. Chaos. By the time the Kaiju was taken down by tanks and jets, exactly seven days and 40 miles later, three cities were already destroyed. Tokyo, Kyoto, and his hometown, Osaka. Thousands of lives were lost, including those of his beloved parents. The city mourned for the lost souls, memorialized the ones who died because of the giant beast, and the people slowly moved on. Three months later, there was another attack. Taiwan. The beast shattered Taipei. People clamoring, people killed, the toxic blood of the beast painting the streets a vibrant blue. Then, another attack hit Los Angeles, the same destruction happening, the same trauma. Again, it was stopped. Then and there, the people learned and realized. The attacks wouldn’t be stopping anytime soon. Everything that happened was just the beginning. The calm before the storm. There was something waiting out there, something more grotesque, more destructive. 

There both of you entered the dangerous world of being a Jaeger pilot. 

The nation had been reborn, and set an alliance in order to be better prepared in case of another upcoming Kaiju attack. Resources were clamped together to build an indestructible weapon against the Kaijus. For the sake of the innocent lives, for the sake of their own sanity and peace. The people created their own version of the Kaiju. The Jaeger program was created. At first, there were a series of malfunctions and setbacks. A single pilot couldn’t withstand the neural load to catch up and interface with a Jaeger, the strain so powerful that it could cause intracranial nerve damage. And so, the two-pilot system was proposed. The left pilot for the left hemisphere and the right pilot for the right hemisphere. 

With the Jaeger, the people started winning, soon being able to stop attacks of the Kaijus everywhere. Then came the propaganda. Kaiju and Jaeger toys. The Jaeger pilots became celebrities. Everything was going smoothly, all success falling into the people’s palm.

Then, it all changed.

“Alert Gipsy Danger. Kaiju movement spotted at Bay 10. Code name. Kaiju Sharp Snout. Category 3. 9,000 metric tons.”

Yuta scrambled immediately out of his bunk bed. He whispered and shook your figure lightly, “I need to go, I love you.” You groaned in response. He made a sudden jump and knocked at the door of his younger co-pilot, Mark, aggressively. 

Mark’s door is slightly ajar. Yuta made himself in, further waking up the younger boy. “Wake up, Canada Boy. There’s Kaiju movement at the breach,” He slapped the bed of Mark’s lightly, “We are deployed to baby Mark-03.” He said in reference to the nuclear powered Jaeger.  The machine they were piloting, Gipsy Danger, was Yuta and Mark's pride and joy. Mark opened the door to his room and Yuta moved in his room, and approached his cabinet and put on a grey t-shirt.

Mark groaned, “Not a good morning to you.”

Yuta smirked, “It’s a good morning to kick some Kaiju ass. Road to seven wins.”

Mark wiped his eyes, “What time is it?”

“Two.”

Mark made a face, “In the morning?”

Yuta grinned while fixing his cross necklace, “Yep.”

“Why are you so pumped up all of a sudden?”

Mark glanced behind Yuta’s shoulder and saw your sleeping figure on his bed. Their rooms were just interconnected with a single door as a barrier. He gave the older pilot a smirk. Mark’s unanswered questions are answered; Yuta was the sole reason of the sudden moaning at twelve fucking midnight.

“What category is it?”

“Three, the biggest one, yet.”

Mark narrowed his eyes, “Code name?”

“Sharp Snout.”

Yuta approached the younger boy and made a playful fist bump with him. “It’s superhero time.”

Mark gave him a toothy grin. A knock disrupted the two from the main door of their rooms. A male voice grunted from the other side of the steel door. 

“Hey, Handsomes, time for the drop.”

Mark made his way to the bathroom, “Who gave them that code name?”

“Me.”

Mark gave Yuta a questionable look, “Handsome? Really?” then grinned afterwards. “Don’t get a big head, hyung. Also, tell (Y/N) I said hi after our mission.”

By the time Yuta and Mark were preparing for their mission, you were still asleep. The boots of the two young bachelors clinked towards the steel platform. Yuta and Mark met when there was a Jaeger Pilot sign up in Japan. Yuta and Mark had a similar childhood experience, having lost their families because of the Kaiju Attack. They weren’t the stars among their classes, never have been selected for an urgent attack. However, there was one thing that made the two exceptional among all the Jaeger pilots; they were drift compatible. They had a strong bond which made their fights more successful. The drift compatibility was, in essence, two completely different systems conjoined together to create an enormous battle defense against an intruder. Finding a drifting partner was like searching for your other half, your other soul. Yuta didn’t want to have you as his co-pilot; he gets distracted by your beauty easily.

Yuta and Mark arrived at the drop facility. The workers assisted the two in wearing their titanium metal suit, tools whirring, a metal spinal cord attached to their back. The two pilots gave each other playful glances. They wore matching white helmets, a yellow liquid dispersing downwards.

“Data on Helmet. Data relay gel dispersing on circuit plots.”

The machine gave a low hum. The lights flicked on, the others following. The heavy secured door opened with a loud hiss. Yuta and Mark entered, each stride followed by a clank. The attachment metal descended, a loud swish coming from its origin. It looked like a harness, but there was no attachment on the pilot’s torso; the metal straps are only connected to the arms and foot. Yuta and Mark placed both of their feet on the pedal platform, then the equipment wrapped around their soles and ankles, securing both of them tightly. It gave an impression as if they are flying mid-air, the security straps hidden behind their lavish suits. The staff whirred the screw onto their backs, the driller machine turning the screw aggressively. Another metal, similar to a handcuff automatically attached on the boy’s wrists, clicking after each wrist. Then a circular device was connected to their palms, a light emitting from its center. A circular plot on Mark’s right palm and another on Yuta’s left palm. 

A voice came out from the p.a system. 

“Good morning, handsome boys.”

Yuta grinned and pressed the overhead controller, “Taeil, what’s up, my man?”

Taeil chuckled, “Mightier than ever. Won an algebra quiz.”

Yuta pressed the button again, “Having a sexy brain makes you so attractive, brother.”

Mark pressed in his buttons calling out to Taeil, “How was the date? Did you score?” Then the two laughed boisterously. 

Taeil smirked from his station and levelled the mic onto his plump lips, “She loved me, that’s a giveaway, however, someone was barking. I will leave it to you guys to imagine what exactly that was.” Taeil went on a blind date, however, it didn’t go as well as he’d planned. The girl’s father didn’t fancy him at all. 

Yuta groaned, “That must’ve hurt your ego, man.”

Taeil clicked his tongue, “Have established my ego and pride for several years. That one was chicken.”

Marshal Lau entered in his navy suit, “Engage the drop, Mr. Moon.”

Taeil’s body jerked up in surprise and he cleared his throat, “Engaging drop, Sir.” The hologram flashed in front of Taeil's face as he typed down the keyboard, vigorously. A bracelet lingered on his wrist. He spoke towards his mic again, “Marshal Lau on deck.” He pushed the button on his console, then jutted the controller similar to a joystick in an upward direction, “Securing conn pad, then, we are ready to drop.”

The staff from the conn pad attached the steel with the shape of a bowtie. The steel conjoined with a loud hiss.

“Conn pad attached, Sir Taeil. Back door secured.”

Yuta and Mark pressed the p.a button, “Ready for the drop.”

Yuta voiced out, “Gipsy Danger ready for the big drop.”

From a distance, the place Yuta and Mark are in, is actually a robot head. It was gigantic, it had a black exterior, the eyes that looked similar to a windshield, are colored a bright yellow. The air around it swooshed, steam coming out of the pipes. Then, the robot head dropped in an instant. The two pilot’s stomach churned as the head plunged from a high altitude. 

Yuta hissed, “Here comes the roller coaster ride.”

Mark answered back, “Never was my favorite.”

Gipsy Danger’s head attached on its enormous torso. The two groaned at the impact of the drop, but recollected immediately. The head descended and locked onto its open neck. The head tilted towards the right, and a series of chains connected to each other. 

“Connection complete, Sir.”

“Engage the pilot-to-pilot protocol now.”

Taeil typed in again, “Engaging pilot-to-pilot program in three, two, one,” he clicked a button, “Now.”

An AI voice sounded from the speakers, “Pilot-to-pilot sequence, protocol engaging.”

Gipsy Danger’s neck continued to move, securing all the heavy duty alloy into their places. The gaps from the neck closed in an instant. The enormous robot’s center core illuminated a high glow of red, the internal part turning in a fast, clockwise direction. The tower cranes moved away. The platform beneath the Jaeger’s feet moved slowly. The marshallers waved their luminous sticks guiding the moving vehicle with care. The doors of the base opened; violent waves flashed the bottom and strong winds blew into the base. 

“Gipsy Launch. Bay nine.”

Mighty gales. Rain. Thunder Strikes. Gipsy stood out despite the storm eating in. Several lights luminated from the robot; the topmost head, chest, legs, the forearms. There were indistinct radio chatters heard, and the helicopters flew against the tempest. The moving platform dropped slowly into the water, creating a huge wave from the impact. 

Taeil pressed several other buttons from the overhead console. “Gipsy Danger, ready and aligned, Sir.”

Marshal law leaned onto the microphone, “Rangers, this is Marshal Lau. Prepare for the neural handshake.”

Taeil moved again. His fingers grazing the buttons, the hologram screen illuminated robot parts and the brain; both left and right hemisphere shown. “Initiating neural handshake in fifteen seconds.” Taeil started counting downwards while typing vigorously, making sure the programs are set well. An image of the brain turned against the screen, “Ten.”

Marshal Lau observed the holographic screen, then took a peek at his watch. It was past three already. 

“Eight.”

From the Gipsy, Mark pressed some buttons, then looked at Yuta. “I really can’t hide my secrets from you.”

Yuta tsk-ed, shaking his head, “Do the honor of stepping into my brain first.” 

“Pilot-to-pilot sequence, protocol engaging. Neural handshake initiated.”

Mark and Yuta stood there, and closed both of their eyes. Both of the pilot’s visions looked like a big whirlpool; making them remember the significant memories of their past, then a blackout, then another memory. Each could read and see the latter’s memory. This was called the Drift. Jaeger Technology. Based on the fighter program neural systems. The two pilots mind-meld each other’s memories with the body of the giant machine. The deeper the bond shared between the two pilots, the stronger they fight. 

A gigantic loading screen flashed on Taeil’s screen. “Neural handshake complete. Strong and deep.” 

Marshal Lau stood behind him, staring deeply.

Yuta raised his left palm, the circular device illuminated. “Left hemisphere calibrating.”

Mark did the same, raising his right, the device glowed after his movements, “Right hemisphere calibrating.”

Both of the pilots moved simultaneously, raising one arm after another and throwing a punch. The gigantic machine followed the action of the two; lifting its gigantic arms then flexing them afterwards. The control and movement originated from its main base, the head from the two pilots engaged. 

The female AI voiced out, “Calibration completed.”

Marshal Lau breathed then spoke, “Gentlemen, your orders are to hold and block Kaiju from entering Manila's waters. Copy?”

Yuta answered, “Copy, Marshal.”

Mark spoke, pressing the button from his overhead controller, “Sir, there is movement on the west coast. A fishing vessel--”

“Rangers, we are not risking millions of lives for a vessel that contains twenty. Orders are orders, understood?”

The two rangers answered at once, “Yes, Sir.”

Yuta pressed the button to cancel the message transmitting from the base. He gave Mark a stern gaze. 

Mark gulped, “Is he serious?”

Yuta gave him a determined look, “Mark, you know what I have in mind?”

Mark’s lips pressed into a thin line, “Our minds are connected, I’m basically in there.”

Yuta grinned, “I know. Let’s go for some fish.”

Mark gave a lopsided smile, “Then, here we go!”

The two pilots made a step. The left then lifted their rights. It took great effort to take a stride with the machine. The two pilots were suspended mid-air; starting from their feet, there was an enormous chain turning into a clockwise direction from every movement made by the rangers. The Jaeger took big strides along the waters. The machine stood about two-hundred fifty feet; complex, weaponry used as defense for the alien life domination. Gipsy Danger walked in the waters as if not fazed by the violent thunders and winds blowing its enormous metal body. There are phenomena that are impossible to fight with; hurricanes, rain, thunderstorms— all acts of God. However, when you are in a Jaeger, everything impossible could be made possible. Being in a Jaeger meant, winning, defending everything coming at your way.

Shores of Manila

From the mile anchorage. The fishing vessel was wiped by the aggressive waters of the peninsula. The boat swayed carelessly along the violent waves, heavy currents hit the hull of the water vessel, splashing water everywhere its bow. The fishermen yelled instinctively while chaining their equipment to the post. Slipping on the deck, panicking and helpless. They were soaked while they ran around the open cabin to secure every paraphernalia in place; their yellow raincoat stood out in the dark storm, the wind tackling them out of their posture. A man in his mid-forties; with an Indian descent, trotted inside the cockpit. Another man, an African-American, controlled the helm, whirring it towards the right. The radar beeped loudly. The windshield wipers were busy; vigorously wiping the windows, left and right.

The man in his forties yelled out of his lungs, “How long is the port from Manila?!”

The man behind the wheel answered, speaking on top of his lungs, “Ten miles, Sir!”

An old man, from the right of the driver; wearing a beanie, roared while staring at the radar, “We’ll be dead by the time we reach Manila!”

The storm makes it hard for them to communicate; the only thing that is effective is through shouting on top of their lungs in attempts to hear each other, while the wind is aggressively slapping the vessel from left to right. The Indian shouted back, pointing at the radar. A green light blinked after his taps, “What about that island by the east? Two miles?!”

The American answered him, “It’s a mile, Sir!” He yanked the wheel again, stirring towards the East direction, “The island is getting closer!”

The old man in a beanie cried out, “How the hell is the island getting closer?! We ain’t even accelerating forward!”

The Indian caught his tongue, and stared intently ahead. The radar was beeping rapidly. The waves splashed and an enormous black rock came into a view. The island. The American shouted, his tone hinting victory “The island!”

The Indian shook his head, “It’s no island. Kaiju.”

The enormous monster swam across the waters. Its back was hunched, rising up and down from the waters.The Kaiju gave a low growl, its feet dragging heavily along the floors of the ocean. It was massive and its scales luminated a cerulean blue. This beast was neither lithe, nor blessed with grace. Its beady eyes glinted a deep black; upright soulless and evil. Underneath the drone of the rain there came another sound. At first it was quite indistinct, but as it drew closer to the vessel where the fishermen huddled, it became louder. A deafening growl that was bone-shrieking. The Kaiju swam fast, approaching the vessel in an instant. 

The man in his forties cried, panic surging up his systems. “Fucking hell! Turn the vessel around!”

The Kaiju stood up. Standing about hundreds of feet. Yellow lines lingered around its back. A blue illuminating its sharp nose. Its giant claws raised, about to ponder the vessel to pieces. Luckily, the vessel had swerved to the right, missing the blow of the monster. The Kaiju roared loud as the thunder struck from the skies. Its gigantic mouth had illuminated a warm blue glow; its tongue raveling out. A string of curses unraveled from the fishermen’s tongue, like yarn unfurling, as the Kaiju advanced. It's golden and blue scales shimmered with hot anger along with it's dark, cold, greyish eyes. Every step it took rattled their bones, struck their hearts, and shook the waters. The Kaiju stared down at the vessel, its beady eyes hungry, angry, dangerous. The men from the deck cried in agony and panic, “Oh God!”

Another one yelled, “What the hell?” As several splashes of water sprayed them from the deck. Gipsy Danger rose up from the waters, its light blinding the people from the vessel with an electronic buzzing. The center core of the enormous machine glowed a fiery red, turning in a steady, fast, circular direction. The Jaeger’s large right hand grabbed the vessel from its bottom. The fishermen ducked their heads; figures crouched on the deck, trembling in terror. The vessel rose up in the air, in the palm of the gigantic robot. The fishermen yelled. 

A female robotic voice boomed from the pilot’s control center. “Fishing vessel secured.”

From Mark’s circular plot; a holographic image of the vessel was shown. “Adjust the torque!”

Yuta nodded and pressed the buttons from the overhead consoles, “Alright!”

“Torque secured.”

The Jaeger kneeled on its one foot and pivoted its body towards left, the right arms extended forward, releasing the vessel on the other part of the ocean; away from the roaring Kaiju. The Jaeger turned around and the two pilots quickly threw a right punch aiming towards its jaw. The Kaiju had a loud howl as it staggered backward, falling into the waters. The Kaiju quickly stood up in an attempt to attack the Jaeger, however, the machine had already mustered another blow, coming from the left arm. Smashing the creature's chest, Yuta and Mark both groaned while they raised both of their arms up in the air; fist closed to pound on the flat part of its sharp snout. The Kaiju’s head dropped into the waters; its mouth lighted up a sharp color of blue as it exhaled underneath the surface of the sea. It rose up again, and let out an angry shriek, advancing towards the Jaeger and smashing itself towards its torso. Yuta raised his left arm in defense, but the Kaiju was too fast, ripping some of the parts of the Jaegers arm. The pilots staggered on their places; the system beeping rapidly, they both shouted.

“Hyung! I’ll aim the missile! Hold the demon to its place!”

Yuta held its body; holding the sharp snout in place; the Kaiju protested against the stronghold of the machine. Gipsy Danger’s right arm transformed into a missile launcher; a circular beam ready to be launched. “Get it!”

The missile was launched. Three shots. They smashed right against the chest of the Kaiju. The monster gave a loud screech and fell from its back. The waters gave a loud splash after the downfall of the Kaiju. 

From the base, Taeil read the beeping lights from his holographic scene. “Discharge reading, Sir. Plasma cannon released in the peninsula ten miles of Manila.”

Marshal Lau pressed in the p.a system, “Rangers, what the fuck just happened?”

Yuta smirked and pressed onto the p.a button from the overhead console to answer back, “Kaiju down, Sir. That makes that our seven.”

Marshal law yelled through the microphone, “You disobeyed a direct order! The plan is to avoid the Kaiju from entering the waters of Manila!”

 Mark answered back, “We did, Sir! We released a launch and saved the vessel from being crumpled!”

Marshal Lau’s nostrils flared up, “Go back to the base, Now!”

The rangers grinned at each other. They had made the Marshal annoyed, again. Yuta pressed the button, “Okie dokie, Sir.” He pressed the button again, to cancel the p.a message transmitting to the base. 

Taeil cried out loud, “Kaiju signature sending. I repeat, the Kaiju is still alive!”

Marshal Lau pressed the microphone again, yelling, “Rangers! The thing survived! Grab the vessel and return to your post now!”

Gipsy stood there in the waters, the two pilots frantically searching for the Kaiju. The waters glowed with the Kaiju’s blood; the ocean colored a fascinating shade of cerulean blue; despite its aesthetic appearance, it was highly toxic. The Marshal’s voice boomed into their p.a systems, “Gipsy, get out of there now!”

Gipsy lingered right, then left. It was still and quiet. Only the violent blowing of the winds were heard. Then, suddenly the creature attacked, taking the pilots in surprise. The Kaiju roared angrily and clawed at the machine. Gipsy held in the Kaiju’s mouth, controlling its attempt to eat out the machinery. Mark and Yuta grunted, as they swayed back and forth from the Kaiju’s impact. 

Yuta yelled, “I got this!” He swung his arm, the machine’s fist shifting into a missile launcher. He then made an attack, taking a movement from below. The Kaiju swatted the arm then lashed with its sharp snout onto its shoulders, clawing the arm away from the source. Yuta screamed loud in pain as he held his left arm. The radar from Gipsy’s head beeped rapidly, the screen blinking a bold text of ‘Alert’.

Mark yelled through the mic, “Taeil hyung, we’ve been attacked!”

Taeil from the base, typed in. Gipsy’s figure flashing on his screen. He turned towards the Marshal, “Left arm, gone, Sir.”

Gipsy’s arm was clawed out by the Kaiju. With another attempt, the monster chomped on the arm, ripped it away and threw it towards the ocean. The Kaiju went mad; berserk; screeching as it violently attacked the Jaeger. Its right claw lashed onto the Jaeger’s head; where both pilots were stationed. The glass shattered as the Kaiju roared. Mark and Yuta swayed, ragged breath leaving their lips. The Kaiju have gone through the hull. It clawed up and managed to destroy the right side of the Jaeger’s head. Opening from Mark’s side.

Mark threw a panicked look towards Yuta, “Hyung, listen! You have to--”

Mark shouted loudly. Desperate, full of panic. He was so helpless. Mark wasn’t even able to finish his sentences as the Kaiju snatched his figure apart from the metal supporting him, his body flying away. Yuta cried out loud, “NO!”

From the hull, Mark’s spot was now empty, replaced with electricity and fires. Yuta screamed in agony, “NO!” He grunted as he was electrified. The computers were beeping rapidly. Red Alert. Alarms wailing. Yuta bit down his lips as he tried to raise his injured arm, transferring the circular plot on his right palm. The Kaiju gave a loud roar, advancing towards Gipsy, again. Pushing the machinery with brutal force. Yuta grunted as he staggered from his post. The monster growled and placed its sharp snout on the Jaeger’s chest. Yuta screamed, as jolts of pain shooted out his body. Yuta aimed the missile launcher. The creature was dominating, clawing and smashing against the Jaeger’s body. It roared after a huge attack. Then, again and again. 

“Missile Loading”

The Kaiju chewed on the Jaeger as if it was a feast. Yuta yelled again. Then, he aimed directly at the gigantic monster’s chest. Three shots. There was a massive, blinding light. Darkness. Its body parts littered everywhere. 

From Taeil’s screen, the red dot has disappeared in a blink of the eye. “Second missile, launched, Sir. No Kaiju signature noted.” He typed in again, “I’m not getting any signals.”

“I cannot reach Yuta, Sir.”

The Marshal walked away from the base. A sullen look painted his face. It was not a time to celebrate; they did ward off the Kaiju. However, they had lost another brave soul. Mark Lee fought until his very last breath.

Bali, Indonesia

“Grandma! Look what I found on the shores!”

The little girl showed her grandmother an old, rusty, robot toy; a Jaeger to be precise. Her grandmother gave her a pleasant smile, standing up from picking up shells. “That is absolutely beautiful my dear.”

“It is mama! I wanted to see one Jaeger someday!” She beamed at her grandmother, clapping her hands excitingly. Then the elderly shushed her, “Okay, you will! Now let us pick some shells, shall we?”

The younger girl nodded and crouched down and helped her grandmother to pick up several shells. All were pearly white, some with a tint of orange and pink, some long, others short. Loud footsteps were heard from the distance. The young girl peeked up, her eyes widening at the sight. She cried out loud, “MAMA!” The younger had wished for a Jaeger, and a Jaeger appeared. Mark 03, Gipsy Danger. Clattered and destroyed. 

The grandmother raised a hand on her mouth. Surprised. “Oh my heavens.”

Gipsy staggered with every step it took. The machine creaking. Then suddenly, it fell on its knees and made a drop towards the ground. The machine powered down after the fall. The two ran towards the machine quickly. The elderly woman flailed her left arm, “Stay here!”

The grandmother approached the hull cautiously. Then she saw a figure crawling from the machine’s gigantic head. Yuta panted as he struggled to get out of the Jaeger. He quickly stood up. He looked like he was run down several times. His left arm suit was already busted, burned to the extent; pools of blood dripping down his forearm. From his left bicep were several vertical wounds. It was red and bloody. His helmet was cracked and staggered, almost collapsing. Everything was circulating, he couldn’t think straight, couldn’t clearly hear the words from the elderly woman. He felt as if he was drowning. Muffled voices. All he could think of was his younger brother, Mark Lee.

Yuta whispered while he turned around, “Mark... Mark? (Y/N)?” His legs couldn’t carry his weight anymore and he collapsed on the ground. 

“Darling, quick! Call for help!”

The elderly woman held his face, “It’s gonna be okay. Hold on for a little longer.”

Could he hold on a little longer?

“Where the hell is Yuta?” You shook Taeil’s shoulder, tears welling in your eyes. The news of their expedition has made it through the Underbase. It was already four in the morning, yet, no signs of Yuta. No signs of Gipsy. This is what you feared. You did spend a lovely and memorable night with the love of your life but, is this the price you have to pay? Your fingers trembled, as you observed Taeil type in his keyboard. “Taeil, please find him.”

“I’m trying my best (Y/N). For now, calm down.”

“How can I calm down Taeil?”

“(Y/N), you know exactly how dangerous our job entails. Death chases after us, I hope you are aware of that.” You are. You’re not just ready to let go of him yet. Not now, never. You stood up again, this time, you roamed around the base. Looking at every monitor in sight; just to divert your attention. You told the marshal that you won’t be deploying bases not until they give out any information about Yuta. Hong Kong could wait. You would be needed if there is a brought mutilated Jaeger. After all, you have already settled with the restoration team and upgrades of the Jaegers. You were once a pilot, too, but Yuta was concerned about your health. The Jaeger tech is too much for your health; it almost had your ECG line flat that one moment you had a mission in China. You were also responsible with the cadet selection and combat training. 

You blinked hard. Throat tightening. You gave an abstracted look then, took a deep breath and slowly initiated expiration. You felt the relaxation of your diaphragm and your lungs pushed out air. You licked your lips; it was already dry. The holographic screen of Taeil showed the maps of Manila, he zoomed in to the nearby countries surrounding the country. Tracing any signs of the Jaeger or Yuta. A staff from the other side of the room suddenly alerted the people inside the vicinity. 

“A report came from Indonesia, Sir Moon.”

Taeil gave you a quick glance. “That guy has nine lives. Don’t worry, we’ll find him, (Y/N).” 

Taeil’s voice boomed inside the control base, “Coordinates?”

“8.3405° S, 115.0920° E”

“Where is the call coming from?”

“Seminyak, Sir.”

“Prepare the chopper now!”

You approached Taeil’s figure, “I’ll come with your team!”

“(Y/N), no.”

“Why not?”

“Orders are orders, (Y/N).” You whipped your head towards the direction of the voice. Marshal Lau. You reacted, “Yuta is my boyfriend, I need to see him!”

The marshal nodded, “I know. But It could crowd the chopper. It’s much better if you’ll wait here.”

You tried to argue back but the marshal held up a hand, silencing you. He gave you a curt nod, “Orders, (Y/N).”

You stormed out in frustration. Fuck orders.

Yuta narrowed his eyes. He felt really exhausted. The elderly assisted him and managed to remove the suit from him; to let his body to breathe. The nasty wounds clinging onto his skin. Yuta tried to move his body, but he cannot move his distal muscles. And his fingers are shaking uncontrollably. He tried to remember when was the last time he had taken in his medication; one a.m, and he drank it while looking at your peaceful sleeping figure on his bed. The medication he had taken has already subsided. Now, he is suffering with uncontrollable muscle shaking, and he couldn’t do anything about it. He felt helpless, adding the fact that Mark was already gone. He wanted to diminish out. After all, his time was already set in a time bomb; time for Yuta was expensive, and there is no such thing as bargaining. The medics around the island checked upon him, and he didn’t sustain a concussion; but the mission surely left him an ugly scar. Thoughts swirling around his mind; was it really worth it to be a Jaeger pilot? Is it time to diminish the Jaeger tech of his system? The fire, determination, urge to kill and to protect the world from the enormous beast has threatened to fall down the day he piloted Gipsy Danger alone, and collapsed at the beach somewhere in Indonesia. Mark’s death is still taking a toll on him. 

A large helicopter. Boeing CH-47 Chinook. Hovering in the air above the clinic he is currently housing at. It was painted a deep green and yellow, a heavy, military aircraft with a figure in dark glasses and helmet hunched over the controls. It swung around over the site, it's blades beating the air. Then settled on the ground. Yuta narrowed his eyes at the aircraft before him. The familiar emblem caught his eyes; a large sword that struck a Kaiju’s chest. He walked out of the site and approached the man that had jumped out of the vehicle.

“Nakamoto Yuta.”

Yuta called upon the name of the higher up before him, “Marshal.”

The Marshal nodded, “Now's not the time to mourn. My number one priority is your health.”

Yuta nibbled on his lips, “It’s always been our oath marshal. Mourn later, Kill Kaijus.”

“I also lost a brave soul. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Yuta furrowed his brows, then looked towards the Marshal intently, “Marshal, I have something to tell you concerning my health.”

The helicopter they rode flew high in the air. Passing through the familiar cities of Taiwan, China, Singapore, then they finally arrived in South Korea. Military time, 1800 hrs. Jaeger Station, South Korea. 

It was raining hard. Busy. The people at the bay were occupied. Some are pushing the Kaiju specimen drenched in formuline in a large glass dome towards the southwest direction in the laboratory. The marshallers were waving their glow sticks guiding the arriving helicopter towards the helipad. Military men in raincoats walked back and forth. Trucks and machineries are busy. Cargo ships at the nearest dock. You stalked out of the base, a large black umbrella covering you from the rain. You were still frustrated that Marshal Lau hasn’t let you go on their search rescue. The anxiety is slowly killing you. You have heard rumors about solo piloting, and it has a backlash. All you know, it could affect Yuta’s health. A whistle caught your attention.

“Looking good, Miss (Y/N). Can I have a taste?” 

“Fuck off.”

You didn’t know the guy and so, you ignored and paid no attention to him. Your world wasn't just experiencing the attacks of Kaijus, there are creatures that are jerks, scattered around the world, Misogynists. They are of a different breed, but they don't differ as they share the same attitude. You clutched your work laptop tightly against your chest. Your long black coat swaying against the violent winds and followed your figure from behind. Your black combat boots made a loud splash every stride you took. You looked up and saw the Boeing CH-47 Chinook ready to take off. Your hair was swept away due to the winds coming from the blades of the aircraft. You stood there and waited expectantly. You felt queasy and uneasy. The staircase descended down the floor and Marshal Lau approached you. You handed him the extra umbrella you took with you, with shaky hands. He gave you a curt nod and opened the other umbrella for the person following him from behind.

“Oh my God.”

The mashal spoke, “(Y/N), Yuta needs to be sent to the infirmary--”

You saw how Yuta limped. His injuries are seen from afar. Your eyes welled up as you approached his figure cautiously. You cupped his face, his deep, sad eyes staring back into yours. That wasn’t the same eyes you were used to seeing; his eyes were your favorite; it felt so alive, charismatic, full of determination, but those staring back at you are just as black as midnight. Empty. You took a sharp intake of breath. You leaned in, temples touching, you closed your eyes and whispered. “I thought I lost you. Hell, I was so afraid I wasn’t gonna see you again.” The tears finally fell down. It was so melancholic. With the rain, your pounding heart, the man you loved the most stood there looking as lost and hurt. This wasn’t the life you wanted. 

Yuta stared at you intently. Never have he seen someone as ethereal, standing confidently despite the storm paving its way on the base. He observed you, you had blue highlights on your hair, pinkish lips that are kissable, deep eyes—unreadable. It hurt him to see you hurting too. He tried to force a smile, showing a perfect set of pearly white teeth. You sobbed into his chest, “I don’t know what I will do without you.”

Yuta whispered, “You should start standing on your toes. It’ll hurt you more if you rely on me a lot.”

A fortnight. Underbase.

“It's a surprise that there isn’t a Kaiju attack these fortnight. Are they on hibernating mode or something?”

“Trust me marshal, they are preparing for a bigger attack. This isn’t the time we should be letting our guards down.”

Taeyong dissected the heart specimen that lay on the table. Scalpel and tweezers. It was still fresh, its arteries a glowing color of cerulean, the veins are colored a deep crimson. However, it stinks of toxicity and ammonia. Taeyong’s arms are drenched with Kaiju blood and it covered most of the tattoos that lingered on both of his forearms. Sicheng, on the other hand, is writing vigorously on the blackboard. Chalks and dust. Formulas. Numerous data. 

Sicheng voiced out. He pushed the glasses falling from the bridge of his nose, “The Kaiju attacks from the last months as by my calculations were about two and that is the maximum. However, as I’ve outlooked the data given by the other labs, the attacks could multiply and the frequency of Kaiju ambushes could rise for about three or worse four. From Sydney it was two weeks, then a week, then days. No time from preparations, I say. Ergo, your rangers should always prepare for a Kaiju attack from the coast. A category four.”

“Doctor Sicheng, I am about to plan on to group a 2,400 pound of nuclear bomb in the Breach to stop the attacks. Please give me more precise data, not just a prediction.”

Sicheng cleared his throat, “Numbers never lie marshal. They are the most accurate thing and never close to a prediction. The frequency of attacks will increase to the point we couldn’t stand their domination anymore, and--”

Johnny finished the sentence for the doctor, “We’re dead. Alas.”

Sicheng lifted his chin, “Exactly, Lieutenant Johnny.”

Taeyong smirked. Kaiju mucus drenching his surgical gloves, “You speak like a mighty doctor.”

Sicheng gave him a quizzical look, “I speak the truth. Continue on examining Dr. TY.” He clasped his fingers and headed towards his digital monitor, “Here comes the good news.”

The marshal spoke, “We are listening, doctor.”

“You see, the Breach is the gateway. And it is quite confusing as to how the hell is the Kaiju going to different countries like Australia, Alaska, Manila, Japan this comes up to the conclusion that there might be a new portal or much more, several gateways for these monsters. However,” He paused and clicked the enter key, a deep portal showed at the screen, “They only came from one source. Here, deep and close to the Marianas Trench lying underneath the oceans of the Pacific. We disrupt the throat for it to widen, don’t worry, that is its natural structure. It is beyond flexible for the monsters to go through. So, If we disrupt the gateway, that is where we drop the bomb and boom.”

Taeyong butted in, “But we could rely on much, limited data. Hear me out marshal.”

Johnny and Marshal Lau turned towards the other pink-haired doctor, “Do you see how unique these creatures are?”

“They’re not--”

“Some would look like a lizard, next would look like a deadass fish. But despite their appearance, they do share one commonality, they have the same exact DNA.”

Johnny narrowed his eyes, “What are you implying now, doctor?”

“Cloning.”

Yuta entered the laboratory after listening to their complicated discussions. His voice startling the men inside. “I will be piloting Echo Panther, Marshal. That is where you will attach the bombs right?”

“Yuta, Why all of a sudden?”

Yuta gave a half shrug. “This is the best thing I could do, marshal.”

“You’ll die, idiot!”

Yuta deadpanned, “I’m a fucking Jaeger pilot and I’ll die as one. That is something I should boast about.”

The marshal tried to calm his nerves. “This isn’t the right time to boast!”

Yuta gave a solemn look. After the incident, he contemplated that participating in this mission is something that could cut his time-bomb. He made sure to spend his remaining days making himself busy, pushing you aside from his systems, even if it's painful for his part. It was a dick and dumb move, but he knew spending his limited days with you would cause damage to you and to him as well. He made sure to avoid you. “Marshal, I told you that I loved my mother right?”

Marshal Lau crossed his brows, “Yes.”

“And do you know what she did to prove her love to me? She sacrificed herself, for my own fucking sake.” He paused, fist clenching. The tremors are back, again. The marshal gave him  a concerned look. Yuta continued on, “Even if I choose not to participate in the mission, I would still die, it's all useless, marshal. Living is something out of my vocabulary.”

“This suggestion of yours will lead you to your death. You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

“I know, but if it means keeping everyone safe, keeping my (Y/N) safe, it’s worth everything even if it costs me.”

“What about (Y/N)?” Yuta didn’t answer him. Instead, he gave a rose drenched in resin and a flash drive.

Yuta breathed, “Give that to her after this mission.”

The three of you entered the facility. Then the marshal took a left turn, towards the base’s large elevator. Marshal Lau spoke up, “We will take a look at the facility first, then (Y/N) will take you to Echo Panther. Copy that Yuta?”

“Yes Sir.”

You snapped back, turning your head towards the marshal and your boyfriend. “What Echo Panther? Is there something I missed out marshal?”

The door was about to close when a frantic screaming interrupted you from pushing the buttons of the lift closed. 

“Coming through!” Two pinked haired doctors scrambled inside the enormous lift. They pushed a Kaiju specimen through, crowding the space. The marshal pushed the button this time, giving you a meaningful look. Yuta felt the glass behind his back. The doe-eyed doctor wailed, “You are still injured, Yuta!” The elevator gave a sudden jolt, and descended downwards.

Yuta cajoled. Smiling wide. You were stunned at Yuta’s behavior. The time you saw him get down at the chopper since his last mission there was only one word that could describe him; lost. But the guy in front of you is really different, let alone he is acting as if nothing happened. “It's been a fortnight, doctor. I’m perfectly fine.”

You eyed Yuta. He’s been acting distant around you, and he seemed to be keeping things to himself. He was also acting differently around you; he never allowed you to nurse his injuries, or he never initiated intimate contacts with you unlike before. He acts completely different as if you weren’t molded as one. Dr. Taeyong spoke, “Just call me TY.” Yuta eyed the Kaiju tattoo lingering on Taeyong’s arm. 

Yuta continued to eye the tattoo and spoke towards the doctor, “Is that Tailjaw?”

Dr. Taeyong smirked, “A good eyesight you have. Yes it is. Truly one of the fascinating things I have ever seen.”

“Mark and I have taken them down in 2018. A category 3 as I could recall.” You blinked hard. Yuta made sure to not waste some dead air to let you interrupt. You tried to initiate a conversation but you were cut mid-way. You gritted your teeth

Dr. Sicheng interjected, “The only thing that fascinated you TY is that it’s heart still pounds even after its three long hour death.”

Taeyong spatted back, “And that was really fascinating, tell me otherwise or I’ll fight you Dong Sicheng!”

The elevator’s door with a loud hiss. You and Marshal Lau have stepped out. Yuta gave Dr. Ty a pat on the shoulders, “Kaijus were never fascinating, doctor. They are killers, ruthless blue-blooded creatures.” And he stepped out. 

He followed the two figures ahead of him, “Your research team is quite peculiar.”

Marshal spoke, “The two of them can outnumber a whole squad of researchers. They are pretty talented and brainy.”

The marshal gave Yuta a look, “Knowledge is always the outermost defense, Yuta.”

Pissed is an understatement, you couldn’t describe the anger boiling inside your gut. You pressed a series of codes on the biometric attached to the wall. The electronic beeps after your taps. The heavy secured door opened. Marshal Lau raised his right arm, “Welcome to the Underbase, again.”

People from the Underbase clamored around. Gulf carts beeping. Machineries wailing. Three tall Jaegers stood on each of the base’s corners. There are lights everywhere. Indistinctive radio sounds and chatters.Yuta turned around the base, his face awe-stricken. Above the large doors was a large digital clock.

The marshal’s voice boomed, “War clock. I hope we could reset it after your mission.”

Yuta narrowed his eyes, “I guarantee that.”

“We are lucky that they aren’t attacking, it surely gave us time to prepare.”

You interjected, “Excuse me marshal. But Yuta couldn’t participate in a mission. Can’t you see? He is still injured for heaven’s sake!”

The marshal looked at you, “He reported to me and said that he was perfectly fine.”

You stopped in your tracks and yanked Yuta’s arm, he voiced out, “Why?”

“What the fuck is running inside your mind Yuta?”

He looked straight into your eyes. No signs of love nor light. He glanced at you as if you were just an ordinary colleague, “Nothing. We should be going.” He left you there astounded. 

“It is. That is Tanker Shoalin. Assembled in Hong Kong, one of the greatest. Large titanium core, powered digitally. That machine eats up a lot of diesel. That will run up for your defense.” The marshal trailed. Yuta glanced up to see Tangker Shoalin. It was standing a hundred foot tall. It colored a deep color of indigo. Shimmering due to metal. “She’s piloted by the Wong brothers. Lucas, Kun and Hendery. Don’t be deceived by their soft looks, they are precise fighters, deadly. Defended the borders of China, nine times. They used their signature move, the triple tiger claw.”

“I knew of that technique. That was powerful.” He glanced at the brothers on the bench. Pretty busy with their own businesses. They wore a leather jacket, and their hair was colored a vibrant color of violet, pink and green. From Yuta’s left, a heavy duty grey Jaeger stood. 

The marshal pointed at it. “That one was the last of the first generation Mark 01 models, Hunger Mercenary. It may look as if it could be slammed down easily. But don’t be fooled, Yuta. That one is a bloodlust killing machine.” He paused, “Those two,” he pointed at the two men in a deep army green suit, “Doyoung and Jaehyun piloted the Hunger Mercenary.”

He stared at the figure of Kim Doyoung and Jung Jaehyun, “Yes, I have heard of them. New York based. Deadly killers.”

“Exactly. Gates under their watch remain unbreachable.”

You stared at Yuta. Eyes narrowing. He was observing the first generation Mark model. Then a booming voice caught all of your attention. Lieutenant Johnny approached the marshal, “Marshal. A pleasant morning.”

The marshal nodded, “To you too, Johnny.”

The lieutenant blinked. He stood tall, he had a new cut; an undercut. “Hey, Yuta. Oh, hey (Y/N)” Yuta nodded. You gave the lieutenant a faint smile. Johnny raised a brow; he is quite surprised at both of your behaviiors. You were both inseperable; clingy and full of love. The couple before him acted as if they despised each other. Johnny cleared his throat and gave Yuta a sullen look, “I’m sorry for the loss of your brother.”

Yuta only nodded. The marshal spoke again, “His cousin, Haechan will be your co-pilot in Echo Panther towards the Breach. That machine is as mighty as flash, quite fast and the last generation of the Mark 06.”

Yuta narrowed his eyes, “We’d be compatible. I’ve ran combat against Haechan before.”

“That’s a good thing. In that way we could stop the monsters from going in and out of our world as if they own the place. The Russians have given us enough resources such as nuclear missiles to be attached to Jaeger’s back.”

You clicked your tongue, “So you have a plan? What is my purpose then? To be an ornament?”

The marshal smiled, “An ornament is a fancy word, (Y/N). You are a warrior and so you will be backing the machine up to successfully enter the Breach.”

You snapped, “How could I back the Jaeger marshal? When you keep your plans to yourselves? My boyfriend doesn’t even talk to me as if I’ve got his fucking tongue.”

Marshall Lau blinked. This was the reason why he is opposed to Yuta’s request; you will be enraged once you find out. The Marshal called for Johnny’s attention, “Let us go to the control base.”

You raised your voice in annoyance, “Fucking hell, marshal. I feel like a fucking joke!”

Yuta cleared his throat, “Let’s go.”

“I won’t. Not until you tell me what the fuck is going on!”

Johnny fidgeted and bowed his head awkwardly towards Yuta, “The mission’s tomorrow. Let me know if you need something.”

Yuta answered back, “Thank you, sir.”

You cleared your throat, “Well? If you won’t talk, then I’m out.”

This is what they feared. What Yuta feared.

Your boots clanked every step you took. Yuta followed you from behind. There are electric sparks everywhere. The people were busy. Welding. Yuta heaved a sigh. Echo Panther stood there; tall, mighty and beautiful as ever. Beside it was Gipsy Danger, its familiar yellow windshield is noticeable from a distance. Memories came flooding his mind again, where he used to pilot the machine back in their glory days, with his best friend, his brother, Mark Lee. “She’s beautiful as ever.”

You tried to conceal your annoyance. “The last among the Mark 03. I made some major improvements on her model. Her nuclear core is powered tremendously, more stronger than before. There are weapons added, missile launches, laser ammos, et cetera.”

“She looked so new.”

“Better than new.” Yuta gave you a look. A look that you wish to see everyday. It is a glance that a man ever gave to a woman he truly admires, he truly loved.

“How do you like your new toy now, handsome boy?” Taeil walked on the metal platform. Yuta grinned widely and tackled the operator. 

“Good to see you, my man, Taeil.”

Taeil chucked, “Good old times. Where the hell have you been?”

“The infirmary,” Yuta inquired, “Ready for tomorrow?”

“I’m always ready.”

You stalked away; annoyance taking a toll on you. You glanced behind your shoulder and made sure to raise your voice for him to hear, “We better talk Nakamoto Yuta. I’m tired of guessing what the hell in running inside that pretty head of yours.”

Yuta entered his room, it looked similar, untouched, unfolded. It was a fortnight since he’d last slept in his room. Last night he was here; he was making love to you. Holding you close to him. Kissing passionately as if there is no tomorrow. But things have changed. Yuta cozened himself  with vain hopes and fake smiles, acting as if everything’s fine. The room looked lonely, empty, rusty. He turned to look at you. His eyes unfathomable, “What is it that you want to know?”

You let out an exasperated smile, “Stop acting so inconspicuous. I know something’s going on.”

“There is. Kaiju everywhere. I’m sure you know of these, (Y/N)”

You yelled, “I’m not fucking stupid, Yuta! Do you really enjoy doing this? Acting as if I’m not existing? This is bullshit, Yuta! Stop acting like a dick!”

There was a long silence. It was deafening.  

Yuta raised his brows, “I don’t understand why you are acting like this, (Y/N)”

“I’m acting like this because of you! You’re acting like a jerk!” You called out. Your fists balled up to fists; shaking uncontrollably. Your eyes glistened with tears.

Yuta chuckled bitterly, “Oh. I had no choice.”

Tears started to fall from your eyes.“Were you trying to destroy us?” You wiped your tears aggressively, inhaling rapid breaths,  “How do you sleep at night?”

Yuta let out a long, slow, exhale and ran a finger on his dirty blonde locks, “What I’m doing is for us, (Y/N). You’ll understand.”

“Did you expect this to turn out better? Yuta, what you are doing is bullshit!”

“I never meant to hurt you, you know?”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you did. For the weeks that passed, I was longing for you! I wanted to take care of you, but all you did was to push me away!” You sobbed, vision blurring with tears, “Tell me where did I go wrong, huh? Yuta, tell me!”

Yuta exhaled, giving you a cold stare, “Aren't you tired? Can we just stop this and give our hearts rest?”

You choked back your tears. The universe you are both in—is indeed in chaos. However, that chaos didn’t stop both of your feelings for each other. It was a feeling so rare, raw, full of love. This universe both you are in, gave a lesson to make introductions for lovers that are destined to do great things together, to seize the limited moment the universe has to give to the both of you. Yet the introductions can take time, can be staggered over weeks, months or years. In those times, you and Yuta have sorted out things; to not further complicate everything and stress each other out. This is what you’ve feared, when the time comes, the time of separation, the downfall of the love you both have established for so long. The pain ransacked your systems. It acts like a focusing lens; memories have flooded your mind, flashing towards the next. You saw that one time; the purity of his love, his words echoing in your ears; that you were the only one lover for his lifetime. Then all of a sudden, the jittery feeling collapsed. 

Your vision is blurred; you tried to hold anything to prevent you from collapsing. This wasn’t the ending you wished. Never in your life wished to have this dreadful moment; you slapped your cheeks. In attempt to slap out of the paranoia your mind is molding in; but failed. What you are seeing, hearing, feeling—they are all fucking true. The piercing pain, it is present. He approached your figure, you took a step backwards. His breath fanned your face, “I’m already tired, (Y/N). Let go of me, remove me from your system as if I never occupied it in the first place. I don’t deserve you nor you deserved me.”

You shook your head. “No. You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I am not, (Y/N). I need air, having you with me, suffocates me.”

You exhaled and looked intently at his eyes. You sounded wounded and incredulous. Your voice is cracking, your heart pounding hard. You tried to reach out for him but he took a step back, “Please, please just give me another chance.”

Yuta stood there with an unreadable expression plastered on his face. He whispered,“Leave me alone, (Y/N).”

You blinked. Your chest is heaving up and down. You couldn't help but compare the night with his own state of mind. Just like those clouds, your insides were in chaos. A mess. “Why? Yuta, why?” You tried to reason out this unbearable burning but your mind is in an endless swirl of darkness. Everything felt so confusing, a joke; just like a jumbled set of a puzzle.

“The one you love most isn't always the one you spend your life with. I’m not the guy for you.”

You blinked. His expression darkened. You tried to convince him, it might just be Mark’s death as to why he is acting this way.“You were always the one, Yuta. Where did I go wrong? I will try to change, please.. Just don’t.. I love you so much.” Your emotions turn jagged, insides tight.

His tone was cold. “I know you love me, but I'm sick of lying when I say it back.”

You gasped and clutched your chest. Yuta did everything. Almost everything. Disobeyed a direct order, fucked his subjects, fucked you, loved you, killed, lost someone, everything. But, making you cry wasn’t part of his agenda. He had his reasons, he loved you so much. But for him, this is the thing he should be doing. He had already made a mistake, and he surely doesn’t want to commit it again. He disobeyed the orders of the marshal just to save the people from the vessel. If he just listened, Mark could've been breathing up to this day, fighting with him. But, what he did was for the greater good, and choosing has always come with a price and a consequence. 

What he did will surely give you a scar. But he would rather choose to be hated by his love rather than having you suffer forever. Waves of melancholy pooling over you. You bit down your lip, and dropped your gaze. “How could you do this to me? After everything we’ve been through?

You raised your head and saw Yuta. His figure is far from you; away from your reach. He graciously stalked around his room; topless. Several vertical scars lingered on his shoulder blades, his biceps, on his latissimus dorsi. That was the scars from his battle. The scar that reminded him of his loss. You stared at his figure intently. He had defined muscles; his abs are sticking out, his overall physique is a viewpoint and enough evidence of how well-trained and strong his body is. A body of a true ranger. A Jaeger Pilot. Both of your eyes locked. 

"People change, and people grow. And I think we just grew apart."

“That is stupid, Yuta!”

“Once, a long time ago, I thought I loved you. I do, but everything has its ends."

You were a big fan of literature. Yuta knew that. And one poem struck to your mind, 

"Of all nights, today's the one that had to break my heart fully and irreversibly."--A. M. Wolowicz

Yuta had molded your heart, took care of it, guarded it. But he was also the one who crushed it to pieces to the point, you were so lost, you can’t think of how to mend it back in one.

Military Time: 2100 hours.

“Marshal, the nuclear has been attached to Echo Panther’s back.”

“That’s good.”

“There’s one thing.”

The marshal stopped on his tracks, “What is it?”

“About Yuta.”

The marshal gave the staff a meaningful stare, “Is anything wrong?”

The staff shook his head, no. “The ranger wants to tell you that he’ll be stopping taking in his medication. And he also said to not engage his pod.”

The marshal narrowed his eyes. “Why so?”

“He didn’t disclose anymore, sir.”

The marshal exhaled, “Understood. Is the Jaeger ready?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Where are the movements?”

“Along Hong Kong, sir. Then, deep in the breach.”

“How many signatures are noted?”

“Three, sir. Category five.”

“Gather all the Jaegers.”

“Marshal.”

The marshal turned around and saw your figure. You look dishevelled, ruined, broken.

“How can I help you, (Y/N).”

“Place me in the control base.”

“Will do.”

“Movement in the Breach. Double event.”

The alarm wailed inside the control lab. There was a movement, after two weeks of calm, the demons are now starting to strike. Category four.  Taeil looked at his flashing monitor, a doughnut in hand. He called in all the staff. The pilots of Hunger Mercenary; Jung Jaehyun and Kim Doyoung are in the base; in their deep green metal suits. Jaehyun and Doyoung stood tall and glorious. The Wong brothers; Lucas, Kun and Hendery, pilots of Taker Shaolin, has worn their glossy red suits. Hairs are noticeable from afar. Your figure is standing near the consoles. You searched for the familiar figure of Yuta. And there he stood, beside Haechan both in you midnight black metal suits. 

Taeil walks in the base, back and forth. “Double signatures. Code name Tailcleaver and Thornbreaker and one, unidentified. They’ll reach Hong Kong in an hour.”

Marshal Lau’s voice boomed, alerting all the staff, “Evacuate the city, shut down the bridges. All people should be in refuge. Hunger Mercenary,” he looked at Jaehyun and Doyoung, “Tanker Shaolin,” then towards the Wong brothers, “I want you guard the harbor. Echo,” Then he gave a glance towards Yuta and Haechan, “Stay back at the miracle mile. You are the final option, we cannot afford to lose you.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Let’s go.”

The metals are thudding as the choppers are set to fly out the three Jaegers to the coast lines. There are indistinct radio chatters heard. The pilots are alert, adrenaline pumping in. The orders of the marshal booming in their p.a systems, “Guys be alert. These are category 4s, large in both size and weight.

Jaehyun spoke, “We are near the coast line. Disengaging transport.” The choppers rope disengaged from their Jaeger, and the machine descended downwards. The Wong brother’s have already disengaged their transport as well; their Jaeger dropping onto the oceans. The Jaegers walked along the oceans; creating massive waves after their strides. The night was calm; eerie. Lucas sensed a movement from his right; three o’ clock. The Kaiju was swimming silently, moving fast. The Kaiju looked similar to a large lizard. Its feet were a bed of gloopy pustules; grotesque. Its legs are as thick as tree trunks. The Kaiju’s skin is so thick; leathery; with occasional blue scales lingering on its back. They also do have ginormous torsos, body covered in scales. Each step it took, made the ground shake. A roar. Height tall as a skyscraper. Teeth like rows of ebony daggers. Small beady, ruthless eyes searching for its enemy. The doctor wasn’t wrong when he said the Kaijus were adapting; they were surprisingly fast, agile, strong. The stench of raw flesh on it's humid breath, a glowing blue light illuminated its throat. Flaring nostrils. It was thrashing its tail as it took a fast movement, taking the pilots by surprise. It stood up tall. An ear-splitting roar like thunder booming.

From the right; three o’ clock of the Wong brother’s Jaeger. The Kaiju appeared; its tail sweeping from left to right. Its roar resonated along the coastline. Then, it took a sudden turn, it’s tail aimed for the Jaeger’s torso. The pilots grunted; the hull they were shook at the attack. They recovered from its attack. Kun instructed to engage the nuclear missiles and aimed fully at its throat. There was a loud splash, followed by a spine-chilling shriek. 

From the base, Taeil noted the missile launch. His fingers typing vigorously. “One down. The other one is attacking Jaehyun and Doyoung.”

The marshal squinted his eyes, “The unidentified?”

“It’s staying on the portal. Stationary.”

“And what are they up to?”

Taeil shrugged, “Echo Panther will find out about it soon,” he pressed a red button, “Dyoung, Jaehyun, what’s the situation?”

A string of curses unraveled from Jaehyun’s tongue, like a yarn unfurling. The Kaiju advanced. It's golden scales shimmered with hot anger along with it's dark, cold, beady eyes. Doyoung hissed as they staggered from its attack, their metal harness shaking at the aftermath. “This is one son of a bitch.” The Kaiju roared. Jaehyun and Doyoung took a swift punch. But the Kaiju struck up its sharp claw onto Hunger Mercenary’s torso; holding it to its place. The pilot grunted and shouted in pain. The Kaiju roared loudly; as its throat expanded; a glowing cerulean blue liquid spewed out from its mouth. Doyoung yelled, “Marshal, it purged out some type of acid. It is slowly penetrating through the hull.”

“Engage the nuclear bomb and attach to the pod. Now!”

From the base. You watched the electrocardiogram on the digital screens. The electrical signals of the pilots moving in a normal manner. The electrodes are placed on their chest to record the heart's electrical signals, of which causes the heart to beat. The signals are shown as waves. The Wong’s waves were moving fast a while ago; it signified stress. Jaehyun and Doyoung’s waves were also moving at a fast pace. Haechan and Yuta’s waves are moving calmly. Normal. You sighed as you fidgeted on your seat. 

“Missile Launching. Alarm Code Red.”

Doyoung and Jaehyun were now heading for their security pod. The AI is counting to five and for five seconds, they have to get the hell out of the JAeger. Otherwise, they will be fried to death. There was a loud blast. The people from the city wailed. Panic. Chaos. Then, loud roar followed by a blinding light. 

The marshal grumbled, “What is the health rate of the pilots of Hunger Mercenary?”

“Jaehyun passed out, he got delayed and thus, hit his head inside the pod.”

“Assessment?”

“Dyoung’s vital signs are normal. Jaehyun is unresponsive, I cannot read his pulse.”

“Engage the transport immediately. Lucas, Kun, Hendery, go back to the base. Now! Yuta, Haechan,”

The voice of the two pilots boomed onto the base’ speakers. Yuta’s voice sent a chill towards your spine. “Yes, sir.”

“Transport. Bring Echo Panther to the Breach.”

It's now or never. Yuta held only two choices; to die or to fucking die. And he wishes to die on a Jaeger rather than to die in a hospital 

“All ports sealed, ready to submerge.”

“Roger that.”

“400 miles.”

Doctor TY held the microphone, “Remember, Yuta, Haechan. Attach a Kaiju onto your body for the Breach to open through. This is our only way to get through their den. Take the monsters as a bar code, kaching.”

The ocean was fascinating, deep, eerie, lonely. Such thrills as the ocean could only give. Only the deep sea could bring. Yuta and Haechan walked, their strides heavy, the fall was close. It was like a changing panorama if only the Kaiju’s were not present. A rocky wall, not twenty feet away from them, stood up like a sky-scraper, straight and tall. Here and there it was broken by fissures and caves. Everywhere it was festooned with sea vegetation--seaweed, kelp, anemones. All these, with coral that rose like Gothic architecture, were entrancing. Like a dream come true. Suddenly a Kaiju attacked them from behind.

Yuta groaned, as their metal harness shook from the attack. The alarms are wailing. Then, there was another swing penetrating through Yuta’s side. It shoots a piercing pain onto his legs. You gulped nervously, Yuta’s vital signs and rhythms are going berserk. Wild. Even though he had ended everything, the love you have for the man is still present, even if the pain is taking a toll, corrupting you to blindness. 

Haechan furrowed his brows, “I cannot see anything. It's moving too fast!”

Yuta pushed the p.a button, “Taeil hyung, we can’t see anything!”

“To your left; one o’ clock!”

So far down in the ocean the sunlight is a soft diffuse glow. But for the most part, the ocean is dim, majority; dark. There were once golden rays from above; and it gave a warm blue hue of the waters; and the deeper the Jaeger went through; the darker the blue color they saw. 

The rocks are now silhouettes in the dim. The headlight from the Jaager lit up like the glow of the heat from a winter campfire. There was a lone fish, invisible until it entered the feeble beam. 

With the increasing pressure, Yuta and Haechan begin to feel like the water is becoming thicker, like soup. They glanced upward to the surface and their heart rate rose. It was so deep. The voice of caution whispered softly onto them; not to rise so fast, but it can't break through the scream for unfiltered rays and fresh air. Not, until, a Kaiju roared again and penetrated through their nuclear core.

“Let’s get this son of a bitch!” Yuta engaged the sword and struck it towards the head of the Kaiju. It screamed so loud. Its toxic cerulean blood is gushing onto its penetrated head. Echo Panter took a step while dragging the sword that struck the creatures head near the opening of the Breach. Where the lava spews. The Kaiju gave a loud screech. Its tail swooped from behind taking Yuta and Haechan by surprise. 

“Echo, be alert of a sudden attack!”

The Kaiju swam far away from them. Then, attacked directly at the Jaeger, coming over at full speed. Yuta kneeled, then Haechan raised his arm; sword glistening. The Kaiju’s mouth was wide open; screams and shriek coming out of its throat. But one thing, a Kaiju does not have is a sense of control. If it strikes, they will, and no one’s gonna tell them to maneuver their ways. Haechan grinned as he ripped the Kaiju apart. Yuta grunted as he controlled his body; the aftershock of the attack was heavy for him. Yuta needs to be stable for the Jaeger not to fly out from the assault. Its cerulean blood clinging onto the body of the Jaeger.  Haechan grunted, and folded his arms; finally striking and ripping the creature in half. The sword clamored. The people from the base felt glory. 

“Echo, attach the Kaiju onto your body!”

Echo Panther moved and gripped the Kaiju’s head. The people from the base where expectant; glory is coming their way. Not until, Taeil sensed another. “Fuck.”

Yuta screamed into the p.a. The alarms were not wailing, “The hull is compromised! We can’t shoulder another attack!”

“Jump onto the Breach now!”

“Copy sir!”

All the systems are critical. There is a lot of fluid loss. Code Red. Yuta’s leg was crippled. They held the Kaiju carcass limping, towards the opening. The Breach is a meter away, then the category five Kaiju suddenly appeared in front of them. Haechan gulped. Yuta gritted his teeth in anger. Yuta looked at the younger pilot, “Let’s do this.” Haechan gave him a strong nod. Then, they jumped ahead, with the help of the rear jets. Tackling the Kaiju onto the portal. Then, Haechan lifted his arm and sliced thoroughly onto the Kaiju’s back. The Kaiju screeched. Haechan grunted. Yuta yelled, “Hold on!”

The Kaiju screeched out loud in pain. Its tail swinged upward, attacking the rear part of the Kaiju. Haechan and Yuta were already exhausted. Taeil saw how Haechan’s oxygen levels dropped down fast. His monitor beeping wildly. Half capacity. Haechan felt like drowning. Taeil moved to another monitor, typing as fast; to reroute everything. Yuta yelled, “Hold on! I will burn this motherfucker down!”

Yuta activated the heat purge. The nuclear core flashed; burning the chest of the Kaiju. The creature groaned, and wiggled against the Jaeger’s hold. But their tackles and grip was strong. The fire penetrated through the creature's chest reaching its back. It screeched again, then its eyes turned grey. It fell onto the Jaeger’s chest, limp, unalive. They have reached the opening, electricity around them were whirring.Taeyong was right; the only way to enter the portal is you fool the Breach into believing you are of its people. From Taeel’s screen, Echo Panther’s signature suddenly disappeared. They have now successfully entered the portal, The lair of the demons. 

Oxygen from Haechan’s side was in a critical state. If he continues on, he will die there. And Yuta won’t allow that to happen; he pulled in his oxygen tube and attached it onto the younger’s suit. Haechan gasped for air. His helmet was fogging. He gave a faint smile, “You’ve done a good job, buddy. You know I was a jerk to (Y/N), but please guard her for me. I will finish this alone.” He pressed a series of buttons. Then, the metal harness whirred, sending Haechan’s figure inside the evacuation pod. Haechan’s eyes were heavy. He cannot decipher his surroundings. He gave Yuta a faint smile. He pushed a button then the pod was released ascending towards the surface.

Taeil voiced, “Yuta is giving Haechan his oxygen. He has already ejected the pod.”

You stood up quick. “What happened? What is happening?”

The marshal breathed, “It was his last will, (Y/N).”

You shook your head, “I don’t understand you marshal.” You pushed aside the marshal and spoke onto the microphone, “Yuta! Yuta!”

Yuta smiled, he heard your lovely voice, again. He blinked slowly; his oxygen levels were already low. He activated the nuclear core. There was a countdown. Five. Five seconds to live his life. He smiled, “I love you so much (Y.N). I’ll love you till the last rose dies.” Yuta initiated the reactor override. You blast the Jaeger to pieces; self destructing. The breach was like a large intestine. Pink and full of life. Electricity everywhere. The baby Kaiju chattered. Their beady eyes staring at the Jaeger. Then there was a loud blast. You were startled at the sound. The ECG line of Yuta was beeping, flat. You burst into tears, calling out his name on the microphone, “Yuta! No!”

It was Yuta’s last will. To save the world, to die in a Jaeger and to tell you how much he loved you. He did it. And he was content.

Five years.

It was five years of play-pretend. Finding ways to numb the pain. It was the start of the dark force. Tearing out the sewn paranoia you had. And replaying the pains of your past. You couldn’t forget about Yuta, he was your first love. Yet, after his death, all you could feel was the terrible pain; because of his disappearance. You would wake up in dawn just to cry till you could no longer lash out your tears. It was clarity that brought each of you, molded you to one, then had become one unit of two souls. But right now, your other half is gone, and you were left alone, numb, in pain. You decided to go to the bar. You felt high, in a daze, this was the thing you could do to forget that you are missing Yuta terribly. A guy pushed you in the bathroom, a tequila in your other hand. He began undressing you. You wanted this, to remove the pain. But was it worth doing? He kissed you. The scene was intimate; two people osculated. But in your mind; you wished it was only him, Nakamoto Yuta. He unbuckled his belt and sat on the toilet bowl. He pumped his member, it’s tip oozing. You immediately removed your pants, and panties and climbed onto his lap. You drank the last shots of your alcohol drink and began to thrust. The guy held your waist hard, guiding you up and down. He gave a moan of pleasure. You tilted your head back, tears flooding out of your eyes. You gripped on the metal pole overhead. You sobbed while thrusting deep. It wasn’t pleasure that you were feeling, it was fucking pain. Grief. It was five years of restlessness. If you could just pay to have him back, you would, but you couldn’t. He was now gone, permanently. You felt the pain glowing into your chest. You stopped thrusting and buried your head onto your fuck buddy’s shoulder. 

He hugged you, “Are you good?”

You breathed. You felt bitter, “It’s been so long since I last hugged someone…I had forgotten how it feels like to be held.”

You grabbed the rose from Yuta. His words are still clear in your mind; he won’t stop loving you till the last rose dies. And so, he gave you an undying rose. You felt your vision blurred. You grabbed the flash drive and plugged it into your laptop. Yuta’s gorgeous face came to view and it made you wail. All you did was to cry. 

[1] Formylove.mp4

“Hey love. This took me thirteen fucking tries, and I want to make sure this comes out perfect. Handsome I am right? Hehe.. First of all, I want to apologize for being a jerk to you; it was all an act... I don’t want to make you suffer anymore. You see? I was diagnosed with Helmer’s Myopathy and even if I won’t go on a mission, I will still die.. and so I did what my guts wanted me to do… spend my remaining days in a Jaeger fighting off till my last breath... This two weeks I’m away from you, it felt like hell, fucking hell… I wanted to touch you, hug you, but I did this, I distanced myself from you.. to hate me, because this is the only thing I could do to ease your pain. To replace it with anger. But please.. I love you with all my heart.. I won’t get tired of being with you.. To say that I love you.. I fucking love you so much.. I devote myself to telling you that.. I will always be in your heart, my love. I will never disappear.. If you ever miss me, just close your eyes, and I will appear.. That is how much I love you… What I did was for the greater good.. You deserve a peaceful world, (Y/N), my love. And I am willing to sacrifice myself to offer a serene world, for you. I know how much you love literature, hold on.. I have a quote for you, “I guess that's just part of loving people: You have to give things up.” I will give everything up, just for you, (Y/N). I love you so much.”

im nervous about this but since i didn’t proofread this sike. anyways <3

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[hxlcyon]

tagged by @delvalentine (absolutely affectionately) 🥺💕 thank you for the tag and the chance to ramble?? thank u vv much kdbchd ANYWAY ignore my far too long answers in the read below

Rules: Tag five followers you'd like to get to know better. i hope u know reading this made me snort cause ive been followed by over 60 porn bots in the past couple of weeks—i know who im gonna tag now /j

Nicknames: ammy, bazooka, su, sury, ray (i feel like i'm forgetting one but?? oh well)

Gender: nonbinary by all pronouns babbbyeee ✌️

Star Sign: capricorn!! ♑️

Sexuality: demi-pan

Hogwarts House: i hope u know this question took me the longest and i had to go through so many fuckin harry potter quizzes and all of them are either super fuckin like abcd or so v archetype specific that it made it unrelatable because why tf would having done a singular sport in the past put me in gryffindor or having a singular moral in hufflepuff—anyway probably slytherin or gryffindor ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite Animals: HARD QUESTION..... HM... i really love beluga whales and emperor penguins!! BUT.. i've been thinking abt pandas sm like u wouldn't believe..! literally, i put on a panda zoo cam while i was stress writing for an assignment a couple of months ago and the absolute tranquility i felt.... effervescent 🐌

Average hours of sleep per night: my sleep schedule used to be really bad until a month ago when i started a strict routine. like... it used to be around 1 hour to 26 hours....... BUT!! now!! i get maybe about 6-8 hours of sleep each night (if i get less than 6 at this point ill just fall asleep standing jfc)!! my skin has never been better!! although, i really haven't had the chance to have dreams lately cause of that;;

Dogs or Cats: hurts... to admit it... after refusing to admit it for years.. but....... cats...... i'm so sorry fido, but i think i've just lost the energy to keep up with dogs haha

Number of Blankets: used to sleep with 5+ but it's too hot here so now i sleep with only 2 blankets—to be fair though?? one is a weighted heated blanket so it should count for a couple of extra blankets right?? anyway. my pillow count is over 20+ and i am constantly looking to expand my collection of soft, marshmallow plushes to sleep on

Dream Trip: wherever tf that one underwater hotel was where u can fall asleep looking at jellyfish with pretty blue lights and the inevitable fear of the glass walls of the hotel shattering under the pressure of the hotel's poor architecture

and also a hatsune miku concert tour

Dream Job: i simply do not dream of work. i feel like i answered this question b4 in a different tag meme but u know what?? i am consistent. i dream of no labor and a shitton of money. but also, i'd love to be a girlboss™ and yoshi-p by creating a product/game that people come to adore alongside a whole community to join my passion project

When I made this account: ?? after going through my tumblr anniversary/birthday emails, i think i made this account on Dec 15, 2014? not fully sure but i guess i never started posting until a year later on august 2015.

Why I made this account: honest to god i can't remember. who knows what i was doing at the ripe age of 11. i probably.. if i had to guess?? made it for my aesthetic/bookworm phase or my astrology phase? definitely something to do with wattpad or ifunny. probably. maybe.

taglist (feel free to do it only if u wanna!!): @leeleiloh @yearning-moon @amatxs @stinkiedinkiedoodles @pomkiri @spacecowkid

[unproduciblesmackdown]

The opposite of your last post for the ask meme! Like 1, 5, 9..

thank you lol sorry it took me a minute to get to posting these answers......i also skipped a couple that got asked previously via answering all primes lol

1: What inspires you?

hm well just basic stuff like “being in a good mood” lol or “being hyped up by friends” or “having reason to be particularly excited about something” which is all like, factors that Contribute Energy......learning about stuff / trying something and discovering like oh i’m Into this thing, or that for whatever reason something turns out to be more within reach / doable than i might’ve thought, like, hey i wanna get on this maybe.......~creatively~ it’s great to like, see other ppl’s art, and while i’ve sure been Inspired by professional artists, overall i’m more like, influenced and motivated by seeing the styles / specific works of Online Randos like me.......i also Draw to create [self-indulgent (usually fairly) niche fanart which is also probably gay and is all the time of characters i like] so like, the Stuff I Wanna Make Fanart Of (which has Whatever characters i specifically would like to draw lol) is sure directly Inspiring in that way. i’d say i never had that experience of like, ppl being kids and seeing some [distributed work in a certain art medium] like oh i want to make my own [distributed work in a certain art medium] as in like, i wanna publish a book, i wanna make movies, etc, but i guess i Did b/c i was like elementary school age in the early-to-mid 00s and experienced some instances of online fanart like :o :o wow damn ppl can do that?? just be a rando drawing fanart and sharing it w/ other people online???? and today i am living that dream, so good for me lol. and also i’d like to shoutout marge simpson anime, which is a particular piece of Online Art (technically fanart even lol) which was like, unusually Motivating as a single work of art lol, i made a notes app fanart like immediately and then a way more “painterly” piece of fanart that was v directly inspired by it lol.......and i was sure Drawing It Up last last winter when bmc 3.0 was impending / happening, b/c i got into like Just in the dec before, so that was Fresh, and then bam the Content is happening concurrently and as soon as we even just learned that jeremy has glasses i immediately spent like honestly 25 consecutive hours making fanart for that exact Inspiration. we didn’t even know abt the hello kitty shoes yet!!! and naturally im not out here for stats or clout but it is Inspiring when ppl enjoy the stuff i make and let me know one way or another. [tag comments that express enthusiasm in any way.....Appreciated]

9: Do you trust people easily, or do people have to earn your trust?

i have to say i am wary! that’s in part just like, a default anxiety defensive mode lol. but it takes me a hot minute (aka weeks....or months.....) to realize when someone like, would like to be friends or something, so while i can be Friendly and Outgoing w/ people like, immediately, i’m not picking up relationships left and right that are close enough that i’d particularly talk about “trust” or whatever. i’m not necessarily Distrustful either lol, it’s more just like, again re: the constant wariness thing. it is not unlike a cat lmao i vibe with them lol i Get that [approach]....and there’s been times i’ve been like “hmm i sure do Not vibe with this person ever and am not comfortable around them / interacting with them to any extent beyond occasional casual interactions that i don’t super enjoy. that’s me being overly anxious and failing to be personable i guess!!” and then that person Does give that reason down the line like oh, actually, that eternal uneasiness was warranted :/ damb

21: How does someone become friends with you?

yknow i was like “didn’t i Also answer this one previously” but it turned out the question i was thinking of, which i Had answered, was “how does someone become important to you” lmao.....same diff

tbh it’s kind of an arduous process lmao like. first of all i am Bad about initiating shit, and a lot of times will like, be wary of Directly Interacting with people for a while b/c i am also Bad At not being too passive / unwilling to assert anything so like, if someone’s regularly interacting with me but i’m not into it / Eventually Realize i’m not into it, it’s that thing again where my main strat is [v gradually sidle away] lol and just find it difficult to extricate myself from interactions / relationships and so that plays into me really feeling like i have to have some real confidence that i’d get on with / vibe with someone Before i start significantly interacting with / getting involved with them which....is also difficult natch lol like. can’t rly get a great feel for what someone’s like w/o talking to them.......but then if i Distance myself at all at any point will that be taken as rejection or whatever.......and then anyways say i Am talking to someone, then it’s like, also i’m just not fantastic at casual conversation always and that stage where you don’t know someone too well and talking is mostly a Polite Ritual and it’s like oh god don’t mess up, respond Normally lmaoo......i am nervous. and i also have a tendency to just naturally try to make an interaction go smoothly than immediately prioritize / feel comfortable busting out My Personality lmao.....so then even if ppl are responding well enough it’s like ah jeez i know we’re all performing always but have i shown them What I’m Actually Like to any significant degree, am i just masking it up / mirroring the crap out of how they talk?? and also it then takes me quite a while to put together “if someone keeps talking to you / choosing to interact with you for like, weeks, it probably means they want to / are interested in doing so” lol.........and then i’ll take ages more of trying to consciously Be More Myself without *also* feeling like this is too much of an act lol, and gradually picking up like oh they’re still not like, annoyed or disinterested or something..............what i am trying to say is it sure takes a minute lol

also when i Am attempting sometimes to like [initiate interaction] with people my version of being Active is still not all that active lmao i will be like [occasional Like] or [even more occasional reply] or [tag comments or no comments coz it’s twitter and im rt-ing stuff] and it’s like oh wow if we’re not having more regular interaction i suppose i’ve failed or something?? does this mean anything further lol, did i do anything.....but welp gotta have that perspective that Not Necessarily lol and i’m not the only person in the world who might not make friends or even friendly acquaintances easily / at the drop of a hat and u can’t necessarily read way into shit that hasn’t Actually been communicated to you.......naturally though it is easier to have some ~perspective~ and Serenity about all this sort of thing when you do already have some Friends lmao........been feeling (and consciously nudging myself towards feeling) More Chill about say like, friendly acquaintances i have who aren’t raring to interact with me on the reg.......ppl i’ll go months or half a year or more between having a convo with and then we’ll be like trading dm’s for a couple days and then it’s back to not really talking, and that Is What It Is, not necessarily a tragedy, and really it feels “rude” to acknowledge to myself like oh i’m not sure that me and whomever even Vibe well enough that *i’d* be raring to talk all the time either, but hey, it’s also true, i don’t have to be Validated by ppl who know me having me in their friend circles in any significant way......i be out here on the peripheral / outer orbits and i can appreciate that for what it is, even if, again, easier to be more Cool with that when i’m not Only in ppl’s periphery...........i appreciate the pal i have who like, 99% of how we Communicate is occasionally sending each other pics of our cats, not very intimate but also back when i was offline for months on end they eventually went out of their way to find someone to get in touch with to verify i hadn’t like died or anything lol........i appreciate the Gestures of Caring that ppl have and do extend, even if we do not actually talk regularly. 

and like also i’m bad at like. idk the main way i talk is again, At Some Length and often about real specific shit lol so im like woop aware that many ppl are not into that, or they might be down for having an exchange like that for a day and then they’re done.........not at all like wholly Against more lol Conversational conversations but i gotta say that’s more of a struggle lmao..........so let’s say befriending me takes some Patience. i kinda operate on [cat] rules. jellicle

25: How do you stop yourself from going back to toxic people?

i absolutely am Refraining from launching off on a ted talk of a tangent that is also me being the [the guy about to throw down a card on the pile on the table and that card pile is like “any conversation” and the guy is labeled “me” and the One Card about to be played is labeled “it’s capitalism” or smthing like that and also it’s all in spanish].jpg.......

anyways idk just try to keep things in perspective, right......i generally am pretty Passive about gradually sidling away from relationships that are bad and so by the time i Have exited them it’s pretty overdue lmao and i get to be quite confident that it was The Right Thing........and just when looking back on stuff it’s like, well if you remember the Good or “Not That Bad(tm)” parts maybe consciously think about the whole of it And specifically the Bad parts / the reasons for peacing out.......also the other day i was mulling over some standard [conflicted / complicated feelings about having cut certain ppl out entirely] and it also occurred to me that a lot of the [conflicted] feeling part came from sympathy for them, whereas from the perspective of Entirely My Own Feelings On The Matter minus that “how do/would they feel about it” consideration, the thought of never interacting w/ these ppl is like. fine with me lol........stuff like this is always Complicated and Individual and there’s certainly no like, one-stop simple Guide To Navigating All This Kind Of Thing, Cmon It’s Easy........another consideration i saw the other day via a graphic on twitter, which is probably most relevant re: say, controlling / abusive Partners, was how like, to think about how someone is acting if they’re saying you should Take Them Back b/c they’ve Changed their behavior, but to pay attention to if they’re trying to guilt you into it / justifying or downplaying their previous behavior / shifting blame and otherwise manifesting the inherently harmful and controlling patterns that are supposed to be gone now........anyways yeah complicated stuff and also just p.s. (and what would’ve been the jumping off point for the It’s-Capitalism tangential essay lol) ppl shouldn’t be blamed if they do choose to let someone back in their life like oh now they’re responsible for bringing their mistreatment upon themself.....no better than blaming someone for, say, having a harmful / controlling romantic partner in the first place like oh well they should’ve known better than to have gotten involved with this person..........ppl are in control of their own abusive behavior and shouldn’t be considered Forces Of Nature no matter how intransigent they are

33: Do you have someone you know you can always rely on?

tbt question 9 lol there’s defo some people that i do trust! love it....

45: Do you consider yourself creative?

another #tbt to question 1 lol.......i mean Yes i am creative in ways but like, who Isn’t, really.......think sometimes “creativity” means “do you like, do Art things” which, yes i do, but then within that there’s art that’s deemed more ~creative~ or w/e......not to mention that i don’t think something has to be definitively labeled an Art to be creative. like, for example, Science and Art aren’t opposites / the antithesis of each other, and anytime defines ~science~ as like, people just memorizing and outputting Facts and Numbers and considers this a distinction from Being An Artist.....wild and i Will fight you lmao. i tell you i can v much remember times i have had to completely disengage to keep from losing my cool at people arguing about “why i respect science but could only be an artist :’|” or “why Art is actually harder than Science and also we’re the underdogs b/c society values science so much more :’|” like.....mf...........anyways scientific pursuits may certainly have a different Methodology (see: scientific method) than art but lbr it still requires creativity and science and art are friends you fucking fools................and then also just zooming in on the Art-Making business here, i also like, have never had any interest in coming up with Original stories / characters and the like, and i don’t enjoy trying and it just really is not my thing, and it’s Funny or something when people wanna say that creative fanworks have value b/c they let ppl cut their teeth for what really matters, inevitably making their own original content(tm)......that isn’t inevitable for me lol and certainly is nothing i aim to do ever, and when there’s the suggestion that if you’re Good enough at ur medium you gotta manifest some of that original the character do not steal shit.........anyways i’m not pressed to claim i am an Artist(tm) or Creative(tm) lol like i guess technically i am both but i have no professional aspirations and my brain does not Do [generate original content] so it’s all like, i’m just out here.........s/o to this time i was trying to do my fuckin thing drawing on a tablet in a cafe and some random annoying guy is trying to talk and i happen to mention like “lol i don’t exactly call myself an artist really” and Guy goes “OH REALLY??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ARTISTS? WHAT’S YOUR ISSUE WITH ART” like please cool it lmao but god p sure it was a guy who was just. very Around and very annoying in general

49: Do you feel like you’re a good person?

yeah i think i’m alright but really what is the use in like considering there 2 be achievable Good or Bad Person Statuses for everyone........let’s say it’s an ongoing, active state to be in the process of consciously choosing to be Good and working towards Better. especially considering that We Live In A Society which tries to teach everyone and continuously imbues our existence with Bad Messages about how to perceive and engage with other people, and being A Good Person is a lifelong effort and it’s unhelpful to feel that if you’re already Good or well-intentioned enough you can just dust off your hands and be like “well my work here is done” and be unprepared to examine your beliefs/actions or deal with the might-as-well-assume-it’s-an-inevitability that even if u have some noble-ass beliefs you’ll fail to live up to them at some point/s.......so like yeah lol again i feel like i am a pretty good person but can always be better and ought to be aware of / willing to work on that at any point

[dualflora]

I was tagged to do this tag thingy ages ago by the lovely @theteaset im sorry it took so long but here it is!

Rules: answer 20 questions then tag 20 bloggers you want to get to know better

Name: Shevah

Nick name: some of my friends call me Shevs

Zodiac sign: Sagittarius sun, virgo rising and pisces moon!

Height: 1.68m

languages: portuguese, english, spanish, a lil french

Nationality: Brazilian

Favorite season: spring!!!

Favorite flower: a flower called jasmim-manga in portuguese but idk how english natives name it so here is a picture

I love these colors and the smell is great!! It reminds me of childhood <3

Favorite scent: lavender, vanilla, the smell of grass after rain

Favorite color: dark tones of red, light shades of pink and blue

Favorite animal: hmm i love butterflies

Favorite fictional character: probably agent Dale Cooper

Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: hot chocolate

Average sleep hours: 6

Dog or cat person: i love both but im really allergic to cats which is a real life tragedy sooo i tend to pet more dogs than cats

Number of blankets slept with: one or two

Dream trip: roadtrip from north to south of my country

Blog established: 2014 (oh my god im trapped in this hellsite forever...)

Followers: 613

Random fact: i got my wisdom teeth removed last week...they are huge

Thank u Abbi, that was fun! Now i tag...

@fadedgilt @cosmic--slut @planetclaires @prom--song @flowergrave @veganatthegatesofdawn @roger-waterss @theseaisntgreen

[pinkykitten]

black as coal

Harry Potter 

Young! Sirius Black x female! reader

Warning: mentions of sex, some curse words

Specifics: fluff, romance, gifs, prompt list, comedy, one-shot, race neutral reader

People: sirius black, albus dumbledore 

Words: 1,414

Requested: By anon Hey love, do you write for hp characters? If so, can you write 7, 17 from the fluffy/general prompt list with young!sirius black after graduation where he and the reader live together?

Prompts:

7- “wait, no, don’t take kissing away from me.”

17- “you promised me a cookie!” 

Authors Note: this is my first ever hp fic so im excited for the feedback, also this is the first time someone has requested something based off the prompt list i am currently using. u can find it in my bio, need help just ask! anyways my sis is in love with sirius and anything ben barnes rlly. but i can totally see why, i fell in love with his acting skills when i saw him in punisher he was so good! and he is just so handsome and ugh i can stare at his face all day. but yes im back to writing ur normal requests. 

(not my gif! do not own!)

It was not much, not much indeed. Yours and Sirius’s house was tiny, only a few bedrooms. To maybe another person's eyes it was not much but to you, the miniscule house meant everything. You thought of it as the place where memories would be made. Life would be lived within the house.

You and Sirius married after you two graduated Hogwarts. Now, that may seem a bit of a young age but two souls as such were bound together, it just felt right. Sirius was your light in the dark world. He made you feel safe and loved. 

Humming to yourself you feel comfort in knowing that Sirius is just in the other room. You hum a tune slow and angelic, sounding like a fragile tweet of a bird. You smile to yourself as you knead the dough of your delicious famous apple cinnamon cookies. (this sorta reminds me of the dessert found in FBAWTFT when queenie is cooking) Needing a tad bit more flour you whisper the charm, “Wingardium Leviosa.” With a flick of your wrist, you guided the flour bag to you with your wand. Nodding to yourself you sprinkle the flour, dusting the white substance all over, coating the countertop. “That's better,” you whispered as you kneaded the cookie dough more roughly. You were about to cut them out when you heard a presence behind you. You bit your lip as you tried to hold back a grin. 

With a light step, Sirius walked behind you. Enjoying how you looked baking. You looked so...perfect. The way your delicate fingers moved not against but with the dough made him wish that dough were him. And how the sun light sparkled against your skin, making his heart beat faster. 

Sirius placed his strong hands on your waist, “guess who?” He breathed in your ear, sending goosebumps to litter your whole body. 

“Hmmm, Dumbledore?” You joked, laughing. Sirius twirled you so you would face him. “Sirius!”

“You cheeky girl.” Sirius gave you a toothy grin as he captured your lips in such a beautiful kiss. Oh how you wanted to run your fingers through his soft hair but your hands were covered in baking ingredients. “Sirius my hands are filthy! I don’t want to get you dirty!” You backed away, putting your hands up so they wouldn’t touch him. 

“Now you and I both know that would never happen to me, love. There is no way a beautiful girl such as yourself would ever be dirty.” His comment made you bashful. He tried once more to kiss you but you placed a clean spoon to his chest, backing him away, “no Sirius.”

Sirius whined almost like a dog. Pouting and giving you his doe, cute eyes. Almost pleading. 

You twirled around and went back to baking. Using the charm diffindo to cut the apples to place them atop the cookies. “No means no. We can kiss all we want...after I finish these cookies.”

Sirius heaved a heavy sigh, sitting down on a chair nearby. “C’mon y/n, you know you can’t resist this sexy face.” He raised his brow and gave you a smoldering look as you turned your head. He blew you a kiss, to which you accepted but then crossed your arms, “do you not want to have kisses at all?”

“Wait, no, don’t take kissing away from me!” Sirius jumped as he ran to you. You rolled your eyes, “Oh Merlin's beard I’m only kidding, you goof! We can kiss and make love all night.” This shut him up. Sirius nodded his head like a dog as he shook with excitement, “I knew you couldn't keep yourself away from me that long.” 

“And,” you started as you crept to him sexually, pushing him down to be seated on the chair once again. You sat upon his lap, feeling his breathing come to a halt, almost as if he were afraid of moving. “if you are a good boy, I promise to give you a cookie. Deal?” Sirius was unable to utter a word, his mouth shaped like an o. He was mute. “Alrighty then,” you said as you wiped your floured finger on his nose. You stood up and proceeded to finish baking. 

After that you two spent the rest of the afternoon together, kissing, cuddling, in each others arms. Your two bodies were wrapped together intimately but also mentally. Making love together grew you two closer and made you feel more loved. Spending the day just the two of you made you be almost on a high, high with love. 

Sirius laid beside you, naked, on the bed while his arm was a pillow for you and you rested your head on his strong arm, feeling his pulse beat for you. His hand came up to your face to trace your features with his fingers. 

“My darling, answer me this.”

“Hmm,” you acknowledged him enough but was still being relaxed and your eyes kept trying to close from his tickles. 

“How in the world did I end up with such a beautiful woman? Hmm answer me that.”

You eyes opened, Sirius cursing under his breath at your beauty especially the enchantment that was held in your e/c eyes. You also in the nude stood up, covers slipping off your skin like silk. Like water falls out of a cup. You sat on your husbands lap, putting your hands behind his head. Sirius felt at home with you like this. He could live like that any day. With you in his presence, in his arms, he didn’t need to see the world for he saw it within your eyes. He didn’t need to see people his friends all he needed in life was you. Only you to survive, to live. 

“Well you see my dear husband Sirius, I ask myself that very question but with you instead. I ask myself as I gaze upon your face each morning I get to wake up to you, how in the world did a woman such as myself end up with the most spectacular - not just the most spectacular man, but the most spectacular human being on planet Earth? Now answer me that.”

Sirius gave a low, rough chuckle as he moved you so he was on top. He gave a  look of adornment as he stared at your complexion. “I love you so much y/n.”

You gave him a kiss as you leaned your forehead against his, pecking his nose at the end. “I do too love you Sirius, you make my heart-oh my I forgot the cookies!” You flew out of bed and ran to the oven. All that Sirius could hear was a screech from you and the smell of burnt cookies.

Sirius walked in on you trying to save the baked goods. “Its okay sweetheart, they look...” He finally got a good look at them and they were all black as coal. 

You stood there, angry with yourself, “you were saying?”

Sirius felt his heart break a little, he really did want a cookie, “awww no fair! You promised me a cookie!”  

“I’m sorry Sirius, these were a gift to you and now I messed them up.”

Sirius saw your disappointed look on your face and grabbed a cookie taking a huge bite. You could hear the rough dough in his mouth as he took many bites. He kept his thoughts on your feelings because if he did not he probably would of barfed. You saw his reaction and you noticed he was trying not to grimace at the taste. 

“See honey, that is the shi*. Its so,” he shivered at the taste, making an odd face. “Its so different and unique but taste so dam* good!”

You smacked Sirius upside his head, “don’t lie to me Sirius Black! I know its bad, now you shouldn’t have eaten that. It was not a good cookie.”

Sirius touched the place where you smacked him, he quickly grabbed you and placed a great amount of kisses all over your face, “listen to me young lady, even though that cookie yes may have tasted ghastly, you should be proud of yourself still. Because even though they were bad, you still unknown to me the power, you still made me like them. Thank you my y/n for making them.”

You pouted as he held you in his arms, “yeah well it was your fault any way. You kept me from checking on them.”

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @andreaoreas, @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @fangirl-4-life415, @dirbel

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

[rayonfrozenwings]

1, 7, 11, and 22 💕

ok - if you want to send me some sjm asks - im finally home now and can actually answer them so here is the post.

1 . Do you ever go into the anti tags? Why?

Yes. Sometimes. Mainly to remove people from my dash, block content/people or check something. The anti tags affect my mental health so I don’t do it often.

2. Scenario: your friend just finished KoA and is in a huge book reading slump. What are three books you recommend to get them out of it?

oof damn, something easy! Romancy / tropey / not to hard to get through... Koa was great - but its a beast of a book and light reading would be my rec! - The Hating Game (but it will produce another book hangover)- maybe re-read acotar- I read the raven cycle and that was pretty good too. Poetic writing but like chill and calm and serene most of the read through. 

wow my eye sight is bad... I read 7 as 2..... soooo I guess I’ll answer 7 now and u got a bonus answer hahahahahaha

7. What is one anti argument that you agree with?

Ok, not necessarily agree but can see where there coming from. 

KoA/TOG has some huge parallels with Lotr. 

Having read both, i’d be blind not to see it. However as a English Lit Major I love this fact dont hate it. Because it means that I could write a comparative literature paper on it and how scenes were similar but different. 

Morath/Mordor - A black keep/ Dark Walls / black rock/ Black imagery for darkness and the bad guys. One little guy sneaks in and steals something. Like - I can see it. Aneille vs the Battle for Helms deep. Stuck in their keep awaiting utter destruction. And the flood of Aneille reminding me of the tree ents flooding the plain in two towers. 

The battle in front of Orynth (white castle/ white walls / white symbolism for hope light etc.) and that reminding me of Gondor and the white walls, steward in charge who has to give up his duty back to the OG hero. like.... its there, can’t hide it. Doesn’t make it bad. Cant copyright a story only the characters. The good vs Bad thing / light vs darkness / two fortress - its been done before many many times. 

Anyway I can see their argument, But also I dont think its a completely BAD thing. 

11. What is your wishlist for the ToG show? (Ya know, if it ever happens.)

oof. 

-  actors that reflect the correct ages of characters - let people feel uncomfortable. 

- more back story, a show allows them to take their time. I would totally just make the tog an aspect of the story. Like NCIS or something like that. Have Aelin and Sam go out and find bad guys and get into arguments and give me more of them. I don’t mind. 

- I think i'm terrified of them screwing up the fantasy element and so Its easier if i don't think about it to much. If there is an unrealistic Wyvern then I'll just tap out and not watch.

- enhancing the rep of the books, like - why not, create more side characters. Imagine all the stories we could get if the world of Rifthold expanded, we saw Nesryn with her sister in the bakery a whole season before we meet her. stuff like that. I dunno. 

- Having more of the location scenery and seeing everything. Seeing if my imagination did Rifthold, Mistward, Donarelle, The Dead Islands and The southern Continent Justice.

22. What are some conversations in the fandom that you wish would just die?

um... brain has left the building. I can only think of acotar ones right now. Oh! I know. The Rowan isn’t a real person he’s a cardboard cutout - I don’t care. 

hahaha thanks Leslie! Sorry it took me so long to get to. 

[franeridart]

would it be possible for you to draw the three bakusquad couples hanging out together? (bakushima, kamijirou, and seromina)

Anon said:could you maybe draw some seromina? i feel like the ship doesn’t get enough love and they’re really cute together

I’ve had a comic about all three ships drafted for an age, maybe I’ll finally finish it later today!! :0

Anon said:Love your Bakushima stuff! It keeps me going through the hell I am in ;w;

Thank you!!! I’m sorry you’re not currently in a good place tho, anon ;^; I hope all the best will come your way soon!

Anon said:so i checked your FAQ and it doesn't mention anything about commissions, which i suppose maybe links in with the whole no requests thing? anyway, feel free to ignore this ask if you don't and never will do commissions but know that i'm here with my wallet open if you ever do lololol

Thank you so much for the interest??? Commissions are an idea that I’ve been tossing around in my head for the past month or so, actually - I’m not promising anything, but I might actually open them soon enough!

Anon said:Who is bottom, Bakugou or kirishima

This isn’t that sort of blog anon!!! No n//sfw talks around here

Anon said:You got any kaminai angst hc?

This is also not that sort of blog!!! No angst talks around here either! sorry to disappoint both of you, tho I would have assumed that was actually pretty obvious from the blog itself hahaha

Anon said:i love your art so much but there's something about the little chibi extras that make me want to squee and cry at the same time, they're sO CUTE

THANK YOU!!!!! Drawinf chibis has always been one of the most relaxing things for me, those extras are always 100% self-indulgence so knowing you like them makes me really happy!!! :D

Anon said:I just want to tattoo one of your kiribakus drawing on my back, can i?

I don’t know why you’d want to do that tbh hahaha

Anon said:Idk if you're into greek mythology but if kiribaku were put into the eros and psyche myth who do you think each one would be?

Hmmm to be honest I can’t say I feel like they fit either particularly well, but if I had to pick Baku would be Psyche and Kiri Eros, I feel :0

Anon said:Hi!!! I love your art sooo much!! Especially those comics where the bakusquad are turned into babies! SO CUTE I WAS DYING. Do you think you’ll ever do it again?

Ahhhhhhhh thank you so much for liking those, anon!! I don’t think I’ll ever pick up te exact same idea again, tho ;^; sorry, maybe a variation of it but not that same one

Anon said:I miss your Haikyuu fanart, particularly your BoKuroo stuff. The next season needs to happen.

!! well, I can’t say a new season is gonna change much as far as my content output is concerned, sadly - I’m also following the manga, after all haha

Anon said:I shall always reblog everything you create. They are all masterpieces.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!

Anon said:What post was it please share im in need

I’m sORRY it was a long long time ago and I never properly tagged it orz

Anon said:The poke thing.... OMG YOU KILL ME WTFFFF. So fucking cute, blasty baby. Your art make me so happy u dont have an idea! (In a manly way obvly haha) Thank u so much♡

!!!! thank you for liking it, anon!!!!!

Anon said:Okay last night at like 4am I looked at one of your fluffy kiribaku comics, and I don't even remember which one, but I saw it and began c r y i n g and I only remembered now

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh man I didn’t mean to make you cry??? Thank you for liking my stuff that much, tho!!

Anon said:Do you have any tips on how to draw hands and feet? I'm tired of drawing people with what look like claws and hooves

Somewhere in my #tutorials or #art tips tag there should be something about hands I did a while ago? But honestly anon the only real tip I can give you is to use a lot of references and draw them a lot, which sounds useless but it’s really how I’m learning how to draw them orz 

Anon said: your art is so absolutely phenomenally unique and just, GORGEOUS. it makes me so happy and it makes me smile and just. i love it so much, thank you for sharing it with us

SOB thank you SO MUCH seriously oh my g o d ;O;

Anon said:lol anon from a previous ask about the lack of noses, I appreciate the detailed explanation. I thought I was going to get a simple "because I don't feel like it" which is cool too, I still appreciate the time you took to answer me

It’s okay! I have reasons for everything I do with my style (tho most of it boils down to I’m a very lazy person haha) so I don’t really mind that sorta questions! :D

Anon said:Did I ever tell you how much I fucking love you, and your art ❤️❤️❤️💗💖💓💞💘💕💝💗💓💖❣️💕💘💓💞💝💓💖💘💓💘💘💕

AAAHHHH THANK YOU!!!!

Anon said:You are honestly one of my favorite artists ever just because of your art style and because you're pretty much exclusively a kiribaku and bakysquad artist!

I do tend to draw a ton for that specific group right now, don’t I hahaha I’m glad you’re enjoying it!!!

Anon said:Consider this: Bakugou with glasses

oHO but I already did consider that :D

Anon said:I just wanna say thanks love for providing me with bakushima fluff it’s quite rare to see art of it so your my Bakushima fluff supply love ya!

I’m glad you’re enjoying it! Is it really rare tho? I feel like all the krbk I see around is fluff hahaha

Anon said:Dude, dude, DUDE, I LOVE YOUR ART SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE AMAZING AND I'M NOT EVEN IN THE BNHA FANDOM ANYMORE (I wasn't a big fan of the protagonist) BUT I ALWAYS COME BACK TO YOUR BLOG!

HOLY HECK THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I really hope that season 3 means we'll see hardened!kiri and the third years being animated.

Awww I really don’t think so, anon ;^; my guess is that Eri’s arc and the Big Three will be the beginning of s4 :(

Anon said:wait pls list some amazing blogs that you like im so curious to know where you draw inspiration from also I LOVE YOU

Ahhhh I love you too!!!! And if we’re talking about blogs that inspire me then !!! taro-k,  motekill,  sunflower-squad,  itsdanfango,  oikws,  jeanrydeart,  syblatortue (blog’s n//sfw, blah blah, you know the drill) camilleto, kimoidane, naeuri, l1ng, seventypercentethanol, natroze, andatsea, and that’s, just, the first I could come up with and only a minimal part of them seriously there’s so many great artists on this site orz

Anon said:Hey there! Firstly, I love your art it's stunning. Secondly, what are your fav ships from bnha aside from kamijiro and kiribaku? personay I enjoy todomomo and dekuraraka :))

OH thank you!!!!! And I’d say erasermic and most of any combination between the squad kids, really hahaha

Anon said:I have never even though about the noselessness (what is english language) of your art :D My brain has just slide aside that fact and after reading the anon's ask I went: What? They don't? Oh, they don't :D Your style is so expressive :D I love it

HECK thank you SO MUCH !!!!!!

Anon said:hey fran I would DIE for u

pLEASE DON’T DIE

Anon said:Would you draw Erasermic?

Hell yeah I would, after all I already have in the past hahaha

[chimericalpoeticlout]

A letter from a lost creature

My dearest aunt, uncle and cousins,

There are so many things to thank for and they shan't be uttered nor whispered but more be written.

I asked a grumpy old man once, "how do you define sucess?". Not a single blink he replied, "my legacy... ". For more than a thousand days i thought of what he mentioned and all the while i simply think of it as gibberish. Forgive my language but life has been shitty these past years that even the thought of where to belong is hard, how much more of finding that true meaning of success that old man told me.

Days, weeks, months and years passed, still the two season of the country i was born to live in and oughtly thought to die seem not to give me a single hint. I have tried to live by a day at a time with alcohol and friends and found not the answers but episodes of hangover. I tried making my own family, got married but i guess family doesnt suit my fallen ass. Ripped my jeans, tagged along with guns and bullets, cuddled with different women but the definition still blurrs. I FEEL EMPTY.

It came twice the age when i asked him and i find it considerably horrifying not to figure out what it is. What is success? And why the hell am i talking about it in this piece of writing that i am supposed to be thanking a family for instead of having these thoughts in an airport?

It took 3 seasons for me to fill that gap of emptiness. To see what legacy is and what sucess is.

Seeing how summer seem to enlighten me with the warmth of a family love fills a little happiness to that emptiness. All along, the friends i thought were family never came through when things got rough. Although some died but their death meant nothing to others. For me it does. Always! I see now why people like the summer. Not because it is warm and that they can do a lot of things outside their homes but for me, summer brings family together with their burdens dropped at their houses carrying those smiles and happiness outside.

Autumn brings a preparation of sadness. It's as if you start to wrap yojrself to protect it from a coming storm. Sort of a warning, telling you to be ready. For a time to weep and grief. Along comes fall. They are simply disappointments, failures and mistakes. Had tons of those actually. But never the regrets, a couple actually.

Winter. Not everyone loves it but sure looks nice! Imagine a shiny glittery jacket wrapped on you but extremely heavy. Heavy of sorrows, worries and depression. The weather brings you to your darkest thoughts but im truly impressed hke thry get to find the silver lining out of such.

Enough of the nonsense. This is just too much to read i know but there is so much to be thankful for. I simply wanna emphasize how the weather has groomed me to figure out simple yet amazing things in life. And i would like the kids to know how lucky they are and i hope they remind themselves of that always.

Family. It is something i am trying to build now, working on it. I know the kids are truly thankful about your family but i hope they somehow get a bit of jest about how i see your family in my eyes. Growing up not having the right pillars was never easy. It is not that i blame them, of course every decision i have id mine to bear but it is truly different when you have someone to talk to. When you can just tell someone hoe your day has been. I mean yes the girls were there, but someone older and wiser means a lot different. Be thankful. You would never find the coolest parents in the world. You have what it is that ate lovely and i dreamt of all these years. A family built with love. And for a bit of time, i felt that. Thank you.

Attention. Since things came out differently with my ma and pa, i only get this mostly from my friends. And of course, mommy. But never was there a time that i got them from my folks. Each time i got to church and see an entire family praise and thank God. Oh such a wishful thinking! Thank you for the, "you can do it!" words from you tita and tito. If you only know how much it squeezes my heart and drops bed of tears. And how much it feels for u to say, "good job" makes everything feel so right. Perhaps its been years that i havent heard those words. Thank you.

Love. At times i know i lack of it. The feeling that i bear witness how my family fell apart and the family i tried to build never really worked makes it so difficult to find one and even feel or ask if someone truly feel the same way for me. I know it has been hard for you to welcome me, to get in that circle, a hundred times and more have i disappointed your expectations on me that coming here makes me think much about the simplest love and intentions you have for me all the while you expect me to do something... It was never for you, but for me. Your wisdom was always right. It may be too late and you may nkt have heard me say this, but i am truly sorry for my mistakes, but thank you for understanding.

Kindness. All this time i have been wondering how trulg blessed i am to have you guys. I know i am totally a stranger to the kids, also to you and tito having years of less hi's and hello's. I know. It's hard. I know it is never easy to let some stranger get in, let alone someone who disappointments you in the moments of need and hope. But still your kindness not just to me but to every person you meet, they fall in love with the joy, fun, love and kindness with the family. So if yku ever ask why you are so blessed, God always stayed in your hearts. He nurtured it to spread his love and kindness to everyone. And that is a blessing that no one can easily understand but i know i do. Thank you.

Tita, tito and kids. My warmest thanks again for everything. For a quickest months of my life, has made life worth living. As to many times i likely to kill myself in the basement, ykur famkly gave me a very strong will and motivation for myself, "Someday i'll have one like that". You filled this emptiness with love and hope renewing how i see life. When im back home, i shall always think of ways tk spread the love, support and kindness to the rest of the family. Somehow giving them hope, that our side of the family still has hope not just to greet the hi's and hello's but i hope to know that someday, i hear "how are you" and "see you soon" or even a "tske care" and "i got you".  I shall bring that filled part of emptiness with hopes that someday i make it whole again. That someday i have my own definition of success. My own definition of legacy. And that i can say, success is a perception on how you want your legacy would become.

Thank you my Kanata family. I shall keep you in my heart always with hopes, dreams and motivations.

Yours indefinitely,

Chimerical poetic lout

[kyareureuk]

i got tagged by a few ppl for questions about yourself sort of tag memes over the past couple weeks so i did my best to compile some of the questions in one post,, @sufjoon @glossphie @joyhearts @7thxsense @nobodyelsewillbethere  thank you so much for tagging me!!!! 💕 i’m sorry if it took a while or if i missed anyone i really couldn’t keep track of who tagged me in which questions ahh

name: sion

nicknames: none

gender: none

sexual orientation: none. Gay

height: around 170 cm / 5′7″

age: 23

birthday: feb 24

star sign: pisces !

hogwarts house: my friends say slytherin and i would agree but i think i’d do alright in ravenclaw as well. for the record pottermore also put me in slytherin but who actually uses that as an accurate house sorter lol

siblings: a younger sister and brother

favorite music artists: this is so difficult UHhh i’ll just list some old faves and recent stuff but bts of course, los campesinos!, sufjan stevens, galileo galilei, everything everything, the national, bon iver, baths, primary, brockhampton, alex g, frank ocean, wednesday campanella, phoenix, gorillaz, run the jewels. idk i’m having a hard time remembering them off the top of my head and then narrowing down which are favorites

favorite song: i’ll believe in anything by wolf parade

last movie watched: avengers infinity war lol

last show watched: i dont watch television often uh maybe the office?

favorite 90′s show: cardcaptor sakura

favorite book: house of leaves

favorite fictional character: dio eraclea from last exile !

favourite food: eel, pasta, FRUIT, also i’ve only had it like twice but firni

favorite season: the transition btwn winter and spring

favorite flower: irises, lilies, wisteria

favorite scent: after rain smell / florals like rose, tuberose, gardenia

favorite color: deep purple, also black, blues, plant color greens

favorite animal: cats... foxes, a lot of animals in the mustelidae family

dog or cat person: cat but i love dogs as well !!!

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: coffee in the morning, tea otherwise

drink you had last: water

instruments: i used to teach myself violin fjhgf but otherwise none

favorite pair of shoes: black boots

currently wearing: jeans and a sweatshirt

underwear color: black

average sleep hours: varies wildly

number of blankets you sleep with: two

lucky number: 24

dream career: novelist

dream trip: morocco or somewhere in south america or northern europe. also i’ve been to china and india but i want to go back to visit badly... my friend is moving to china to work at the end of the summer so i may go visit her. honestly i want to travel everywhere

worst habit: i have so many i’m awful at responding to calls/texts/emails and i’m always like slightly late to things no matter how much time i give myself to get ready. i pick at my skin a lot it’s gross and i hate it fjhgfh

jealous of people: not really.. im not a jealous person by nature

in love: i’m having a lot of trouble answering this one bc there’s too many things i could list...... idk! i love my friends and my pets and nature and all forms of art and the little things that make life worth living

love at first sight or walk by again: i’ve never heard of the second gfhg but yeah that. or like the feeling that it’s not love at first sight but it could be love with time... those feelings of love that you cultivate

easiest person to talk to: probably ,,, online friends or my irl bff but we don’t have many opportunities to really talk nowadays

last person you called: my brother

last thing i googled: gardenia bc i had to double check it was the flower i was thinking of

blog created: december 2017

number of followers: like.. under 100. i cant stand having more than that

do you have other blogs: no

do you get asks: sometimes

why did you choose your url: my current one is a transliteration of a sort of childish snicker laughing onomatopoeia that yoongi has used in tweets before like.. two happy bday tweets and also this selfie. it’s cute i’m a big fan of yoongi’s twitter laughs

tagging: omg this is a fake tag meme game thing so i’m not gonna tag anyone unless u want to do this.. in that case be my guest !!!!!

[founditinsilence]

rules: answer any 20 questions about yourself and then tag 20 followers that you wanna get to know better!

tagged by @professorlongbottomm literally weeks ago thank u sorry it took me so long to pick ppl to tag

name: alice

nickname: my dad calls me dodger but that’s about it

age: 20

gender: female

orientation: bi

height: 5′2″ ish

favourite colour: dark green or peachy pink or mustard yellow

book recommendation: i think everyone should read alone in berlin by hans fallada

movie recommendation: pride! (2014) or about time (2013)

anime recommendation: n/a

music recommendation: certain things by james arthur ft chasing grace has been my favourite song for absolutely ages now. also i’m rly into muna

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?: hot chocolate (i’m not supposed to have caffeine but does that stop me from dousing my body in iced coffees and mochas??? rarely)

cats or dogs?: honestly both

favorite meme?: love a good “this is the future liberals want”, the person who said that to begin with deserves to be taken the piss of

i want to live long enough to witness: caitlin i can’t really pick a better one than yours, cancer’s touched my family quite badly and i rly hope a cure is coming soon

weird obsessions: i love fire escapes. like, a weird amount. my biggest fear is fire so it could be a safety-conscious thing but i don’t think it’s that. there’s something about the aesthetic about the back of a red brick, semi-abandoned, industrial building with a weird crooked layout, smoke coming from a vent and a fire escape that im fuckin obsessed with. like this shit. and this. it’s so good. when i discovered that you could buy a shelving unit shaped like a fire escape i absolutely lost it before i realised it cost like a hundred quid

tumblr birthday: february 2011 (good lord)

how many sideblogs: i used to have a watercolour one but i deleted, now i just have my poetry blog

random fact about me: i’ve been a veggie for nearly 3 years now! i thought it’d be cute to share bc when i used to fill these tag memes in years ago i’d always be like “i’d love to be a veggie but i don’t have the self-restraint” but!! turns out i did!!!

goals for 2018: i honestly have no idea what my life will be like after i graduate so it’s hard to set big goals in stone. i’d like to spend more time with my friends, be more honest and get help when i’m struggling, hopefully go travelling a little bit, and keep writing

tagging: @whenispeakicrossmyfingers @siriuslyweasley @lvnalovgood @r-egulus @francesjanvier @poppypomfrey @portuguesetswift @hufflepunq @wonderstrucknewromantic @shakspaere @sadbeautifulmagic

[enaasteria]

Answered Asks // 3

Consolidating asks as to not spam dashboards. Under the cut!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 29th 2018, 3:56:00 pm · 2 days ago wanted to drop by and let you know that i've been listening to 'Fool of Me' by Meshell Ndegeocello for more than a week and it reminds me so much of the heartbreaking moment in chapter 11 when Sehun made the decision to leave Ahri behind. imnotcryingyouare. i hope they become like the song 'Cheek to Cheek' (Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald version) *hinthintwaggleseyebrowswinkwink* hope you have a lovely day <3!

AHHHH REPLIES *-* <3!!! I accept the love you’ve bestowed upon me. I shall violently love you back *SHOOTSHEARTSATYOU* dont worry, I remember the what I wrote in the recs message! I was saying that I’ve been listening to this song ‘Fool of Me’ by Meshell Ndegeocello, which reminded me so much of the end of chapter 11 when Sehun decided to leave Ahri. The heartbreak is so real T_T imnotcryingyouare. I hope they end up being like ‘Cheek to Cheek’ (Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong version)! - ma

OMG SO APPARENTLY I DIDNT DELETE IT. This is how tumblr inept I am. I thought I did. It showed that I did when I was on the computer but apparently I didn’t on mobile. WEIRD. Listening to it now! 

Both of these songs sound so similar. I feel like I’ve heard them before omg. good recs. I really like them.

Fool of Me by Meshell Ndegeocell

Was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space... What kind of fool am I that you so easily set me aside OMG MY HEART IS BREAKING. Why do the lyrics fit so well. Right off with the first few lyrics. I’m crying. YES I AM CRYING. This was almost the same words she thought in the chapter. Was she there only to temporarily fill the void in Sehun’s heart when she felt it was for Jiyul instead. OH NOOOO.

I can't touch you no more Can't touch you any more any more And this relates to Chapter 12 a lot how she wouldn’t really look at him or touch him and this is so sad. THIS WHOLE SONG IS SO SAD but it’s so fitting to that part when he chose Jiyul over her and IT”S GOING INTO MY APT PLAYLIST.

Cheek to Cheek by Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald

THIS WHOLE SONG. Can I just say how cute it is??? This just makes me feel like I missed an opportune moment for Sehun and Ahri to dance together at the wedding??? I kind of made it so that it was Soi and Ahri dancing puahahahha. Technically, I should’ve made Sehun and Ahri dance because he tends to dance when he’s nervous about something.

Sooooo BOOOOO I MISSED THE MOMENT. BUT STILL. It’s ok hahahahah But really. This song. The beat. THE CHEEK TO CHEEK. More like forehead to forehead between the two leads. Thank you so much for the recs!!! I loved them so much and can’t wait to add them to my playlist!!

I read chapter 17 till half past 4 in the morning. I had to sleep because i needed to wake up at 9 for a gym session the next morning. But I have sleep problems so I kept waking up throughout the night and reaching for my phone to reread 17 in my sleep-induced haze and dozing off. I had to fake illness and reschedule my gym session in the end xD. I hope my trainer doesn’t see this. HAHAH even when I was half asleep, I kept thinking that I still had so much to tell you about 17!! - ma

OMG MA. WHY DID U STAY UP SO LATEEEE. NUUUUU. Also since your music anon and the abbrev is MA, I literally scream MAAAAA LOOOOL. AND OMGOSHHHH. Please rest. Please sleeeeeep. Your poor thing. i’m so sorry that the story kept waking you up. But I can’t wait to hear your thoughts and really thank you so much. I really can’t appreciate your messages enough. They make me so HAPPPPPYYYY //runs off screaming while drinking my coffeeeeeeeee//

@sehunsmile​ said to enaasteria: March 30th 2018, 11:42:00 pm · 9 hours ago ENA, ENAAAA!!!! I JUST GOT HOME AND I'M FINALLY GONNA READ CHAPTER 17. I'M SO NOT READY BUT I AM! I KNOW I'M GONNA DIE, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS CHAPTER AND GOD CHAPTER 16 ENDED SO GOOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT BUT I'M EXCITED SO I'M GONNA READ IT NOW! SORRY FOR ALL CAPS I'M JUST TOO EXCITED AHFNJABFKSBFLSKFJDKJDFK

YASSSSS. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF IT AND I DONT MIND CAPS LOCK AT ALLLL. IT just shows me you’re really excited and I’m excited for you to read it. Many apologies for how long it took me to write it but I hope you enjoy it. AHHHH TY FOR LIKING CH 16. I remember being really stressed over it because it was so SLOOOOOOOWWWW but yas yas. Please enjoy 17. Thank you for your patience //hearts u//

@heythereitsmo​ said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 12:12:00 am · 8 hours ago Oh when Sehun tells Ahri the story of the Keepers, I remembered you wrote a piece about it and it was just — beautiful. I cried then and I cried now because it literally took my breath away. Every chapter is so stunning Ena, every word resonates so deeply in my soul. It wasn’t always easy but they’re happy together and in love and I hope on my own stars that someone will love me the way Sehun loves Ahri — even if there are flaws and hurdles. You wrote this fabulously, love. Fantastic job.

YAS!!! You caught the merge of Keepers into Apt. This and Yua x PCY are all other stories I’m working on and I wanted to weave them into apt for continuity. I like having all my stories intertwine in some manner. It’s fun but also makes my brain want to explode when I have to make it flow right LOL. YOU’RE REALLY GUNNA MAKE ME CRY. Thank you so much for reading. I really remember you as one of the readers staying with this fic for so long. i really think it’s been years for you and I’m so grateful for your patience but also all the support you gave me. I wish you all the love and happiness and thank you for loving my characters as much as I do.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 12:26:00 am · 8 hours ago Okay but Sehun getting provoked by ahri’s ‘other men’ amuses me sooooo much THANK U SO MUCH FOR CH 17 I honestly needed some destressing with an overload of fluff (and that thick tension 😉😏) ☺️💕💓😚

I definitely had to throw in Ahri’s other men to lighten up the mood hahaha. JK JK. I just really love jealous sehun?? I think he’s super sweet and it’s not like he’s like the bad kind of jealousy. He’s just irked??? LOOOL. It’s cute when he’s just agitated. I really hope you love the fluff and slow burn for the kiss LOL

@shewantsmeshesgotme​ said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 1:35:00 am · 7 hours ago I. AM. IN. LOVE. NXKELBFKDLFNFNDNNSKDKFNFBI. I CANT EVEN FORM THOUGHTS IM SO BLOODY IN LOVE OH MY GOD ENA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!!?!? You....you are some sort of a genius wizard I can’t even...I’m just broken I love this fucking story so much and YOU I LOVE YOU THANK YOU CHRIST I NEED TO SIT AND STARE AT THE CEILING FOR AN HOUR. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

LORIIIIIIIIIIIIII. THANK YOUUUUU GAHHHH. THANK YOUU SO MUCHHHH. Thank you for your help. Thank you for reading. Thank you for the screams. IM NOT A GENIUS WIZARD. YOU ARE. BUT THANK YOUUUU. Really thank you so much for reading this fic and DONT STARE AT THE CEILING. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. Now that I finished 17, I can get to reading all the fics that are sitting in my backlog and I really want to read all of yours. I really need to read The Boxer. It’s on my to do list foreverrrrrrr. hugss!!!

@yeolieminelli​ said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 2:25:00 am · 6 hours ago HUHUHU. Just finished Ch. 17 😭 It's beautiful. How the each traditional family story just made sense for Ahri and Sehun ❤❤❤ Thank you for writing such a beuatiful chapter for both of them. You are a great writer dear. 😁😁😁 On a side note- I was listening to an instrumental that fit so well for the last part of Sehun's surprise, it felt even more magical. I wish I could share it with you, if I discover how. 😂

YAYYYY!!! I”M SO GLAD U ENJOYED ITTT. RIGHT? I’ve had that ending in my head for 3 years now and it’s finally there. It’s finally written and can I place a pat on my back for it because I thought it was fitting for their story too. Thank you so much for your help on it and thank you for reading. What instrumental?? You can send me the title and I can look it up on YT to add to my Apt Song Rec list!!

ramblingpeaches said to enaasteria: @ramblingpeaches I CANT TAG U WHY March 31st 2018, 3:07:00 am · 5 hours ago that was such a beautiful chapter! so worth the wait- no actually way more than that! you honestly have such a way with words. your writing, your story has made me feel a bunch of emotions and you're just so so talented that i feel like i can't properly express how much i adore your writing and hope this somewhat conveys it haha. thank you for an amazing chapter, definitely made my morning! :) ♡

Thank you so much for this message! I’m so glad you thought it was worth the wait. I’m so sorry it took so long to write but I’m such a slow writer. AND I HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS. AHHHHH //SCREAMS// You’re so kind to me and this is really such a great message because it just makes all the screams worth it. AND NOOO. REALLY. You’ve done so much for me. If you read and send me a message of how you enjoyed the chapter, that really just makes my heart swell. Thank you so much for reading!!!

@yeollieollie said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 3:23:00 am · 5 hours ago Omg my heart that was the cutest thing ever why can’t that happen to meeee amazing!!!

Thank you so much for reading!! Wasn’t it??? It’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever written in my entire life and I kind of don’t know what to do with myself anymore LOL.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 31st 2018, 5:11:00 am · 3 hours ago hi chap 17 was full of fluff i literally died after reading it 💗 tq for writing such a wonderful story! :) also! how old are sehun and ahri in this story?

ANONNN. Did you know I screamed a lot while writing this chapter. I felt so bad for my followers on Twitter. They felt the main grunt of it all ahhahahaha. I almost died writing this. My heart hurt so bad from it all T_____T Thank you so much for reading and as for their ages. I heavily---HEAVILYYYY aged Sehun in this because I felt I needed his character a bit older than how he was. And since I started this fic 3 years ago, I really did age this poor boy LOL. He’s 29 and she’s 27 in the story. :)