#text comedy

[lazyspeedster93]

[chipsy]

[softstrawberrycreamcake]

[dumblr]

When you get mad, take a deep breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. No one ever expects that.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I was doing stand-up at an award show and none of my jokes landed. Each time there was a flop, I said, “It’s not an award show, it’s an awkward show,” and the laughs in the audience were more and more strained.

[guardcanine]

love how other social media platforms like instagram are just people trying to show their followers how perfect and luxurious their lives are while here on tumblr it's just us showing off our mental illnesses and how fucked our lives are. this is why we're superior

[edwardcreel]

normalize being an adult and having an imaginary friend as a best friend and a comfort person

[legalisecatboyss]

phil adding to his reputation of not giving a shit about dan’s health by calling his orthostatic hypotension “so annoying” is giving me life, this man is simply allergic to losing the idgaf war

[emotinalsupportturtle]

..and he wrote them for David Tennant

[bebx]

me, on trial: your honor, it was funny. you just have no sense of humor

[kuwkedits]

☁️Comfy Cozy Monday☁️

The Lov takes care of overworked reader… in their own way

Authors Note:the time stamp matters sorry besties

Tags: c.c.m☁️ / comedy🎭

⚠️CW: Kys jokes, one(1) kidnapping joke, lots of swearing, threats, Arson

[softstrawberrycreamcake]

[theredrenard]

Incorrect 9-1-1 + text posts (part 2/??) prev || next

[cheese-rat29]

this poor kid. your dad dies, and your mom remarries. your step-dad is cool! he teaches you how to fish and he brings home a bunch of dogs! fast forward a little bit and it turns out your cool step-dad is locked in a psychosexual viscera-filled chess game with a bisexual cannibal. like what do you even do about that.

[becomingvecna]

“I don’t have enough brain cells for this” and “I’m too mentally exhausted for this” should be valid and justifiable reasons to excuse yourself from any task assigned to you by your employer without any consequences or punishment like actually

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I was looking for my friend in a dormitory exclusively for transmasc people. He is, in fact, amab, so I don’t know why I thought he’d be there. I eventually found him in the back-row seats of a theater where he was watching a stand-up comedian do a routine about My Little Pony.