#terrible flirting

[fandomnerd9602]

Y/N snickers…

Wanda: (giggles) what?

Y/N: in that blouse you look like a strawberry

Wanda: I thought you liked them

Y/N: I do

Wanda: well if you behave, detka, you may taste this strawberry tonight

Y/N:

[spookymystery67]

I Wish I Could Walk In Heels

AN: I didn't re-read once again out of fear I'd hate it, so hopefully this chapter doesn't suck. There is game plot and dialog that I changed here and there. Enjoy!

TW: Violence, mutant bug thing, zombies, language, sort of terrible flirting?, typical Resident Evil things, ect. I don't know, I suck at tags. Sorry if I traumatize anyone. NO MINORS!

Chapter 4:

-September 28th, 1998-

You and Jill were halfway to the surface when a sudden sound filled the air. 

"Jill, Y/n, it's me again. You two topside yet?" Carlos called through the radio.

"Working on it. So what's the plan?" Jill answered, holding the radio in front of her.

"The old tank's got me clearing the tracks. You two mind getting the subway infrastructure back online?" Carlos asked.

"And how do we do that?" Jill asked.

"Let's start by restoring power. I'll navigate you to the substation once you hit the main road."

"Copy that. Let's do this fast." Jill finished, shutting off the radio.

"So, you gonna join the other survivors when the train starts working again?" Jill questioned you, wanting to start a conversation.

You shrugged, "I don't know. I still need to get to the police station." 

"Why? What's at the police station?" 

"Hopefully, Ben. Alive. My guess is that Irons didn't let anyone leave their cells when all this started." 

"I wouldn't put it past him. Were you and Ben, you know, close?" She looked at you with a suggestive look, implying something in her last question.

You snorted, "Me and Ben? Yeah right. He's not my type. Plus, he was dating my friend, Katherine."

"Mmhmm, and what's your type then? Strong and broody? Someone with a goofy side? I know a guy." She joked.

"Are you trying to set me up?" You laughed.

"Well, I kinda owe you one. You have done me more than one favor in the last couple of hours I've known you." You laughed louder. "C'mon, what's your type? Now I'm curious." Jill pressed. You debated in your mind.

You've never really told anyone this before. Well, anyone besides Katherine and Ben. Questions about your sexuality never came up that often in your life.

"Not men." You bluntly responded. Jill nodded in understanding.

"Ah, only have eyes for the fairer sex. I respect that. Am I your type?" Jill asked, the teasing tone bringing a small grin to your face.

You honestly didn't know what your type was. You were never interested in dating in high school. You were too much of an introvert. And you haven't really met anyone that caught your eye or shared similar interests. You just knew that men didn't do it for you.

"Gorgeous. Badass, with a caring side from what I've seen… Yeah, you kinda are." You said, a teasing smile on your face.

"Sweet. So if you save my ass again we can go on a date." She joked.

"You gonna buy me dinner? I'd kill for an extra cheesy supreme pizza right now. And a shower. And a nap."

"We'll have a sleepover. Do you like movies?"

"Love them."

"We'll shower, sleep, then eat pizza and watch movies."

"Sounds like a dream. It's a date." You laughed, Jill joining you.

"Can't wait." 

You made it to the top of the station and gathered supplies. Herbs and ammo. According to Jill, these herbs have healing properties. You had no idea. If you had, you would have been grabbing them sooner.

You two make it to the entrance you used to duck under the half closed shudder to get to the outside. As you did, you noticed there were still people running away. One man, panting in fear, quickly ducked under the shudder you had come from where survivors were beckoned with yellow paint.

"More survivors. We gotta get that train moving." Jill said. As she did, I noticed how many more people have been infected and how much more the fire has spread. This whole city was a horror show. No corner you turned was left unaffected by the last week. By the last few hours specifically. You two carefully maneuvered through the streets, careful of zombies and being extra careful as to not shoot any survivors. 

Once you two reached another blocked off area, Jill took out the radio to contact Carlos.

"Carlos, we've reached the main avenue. Which way do we go?" Jill questioned him on the radio. You had your pistol out and kept your eyes peeled, ready to shoot anything that might try to snap its teeth at you or Jill.

"See a big transmission tower? That's the substation. You'll have to circle around through an alley to your right to get there."

"You mean the alley that's on fire?" Jill deadpanned when she saw the flames. You snorted at her tone.

"Maybe? Surely a tall drink of water like yourself can put out a few flames." Carlos' joking voice said through the speaker.

"Fuck you." Jill sighed as she shut the radio off. Clearly she wasn't in the mood for his flirty jokes. 

"Alright, let's see if we can get this fire out. Hopefully it won't be too much of a hassle." You said. And, as if the universe just loved to torment you, you had to get a tool to get the fire hydrant to work.

"This is gonna be a hassle." Jill sighed. 

"Yeah." You huffed. 

You both walked out of the alley, barely making it fully onto the street again when you saw zombies just full on knocking down and picking up the fences blocking them from getting to the two of you.

"You have got to be kidding me." Jill said as the horde walked closer.

"Those are some weak ass fences. No wonder this outbreak spreaded so fast." You said. You raised your gun, prepared to shoot at any moment.

"Wait, back up with me." Jill said.

You didn't bother questioning her, backing up, away from the zombies walking toward you.

Jill quickly took aim and waited until all the zombies were in one spot, before shooting a red barrel sat next to a crashed car. The barrel exploded, sending debris and zombies flying through the air. You block your face and squint from the heat of the blast. When it faded, you saw all the zombies were dead.

"Huh. How'd you know it would explode?" You asked.

"It's red. Red means flammable."

"Why would someone just leave flammable barrels around?"

"Why would someone create a virus to turn people into monsters? The world is full of questionable people." Jill shrugged.

"More like fucking idiots." You sighed. You were tired. You haven't been able to sleep more than a few minutes since a week ago. You were running on pure adrenaline at this point.

"Well, I guess the bright side is that we have access to a whole new street. We can look for a hose for the fire hydrant." Jill said, gesturing to the somewhat clear street corner, bright neon signs lighting up the area.

"Sure. I suppose. I'm getting tired of all these sidequests." You said. You both began your trek through the brightly lit street.

"Me too." Jill agreed. 

A while later, you both had successfully found a fire hose. Only having to avoid a few zombies in the process. You made it back to the flame filled alley, fire hose in your arms.

"Here, you can do the honors." You said, handing Jill the heavy fire hose.

She huffed from the sudden weight, "Thanks so much. You really shouldn't have." 

"What are friends for?" You joked.

Jill set up the hose and began spraying water onto the flames. It takes a few seconds for the flames to finally go out.

"There." Jill sighs, putting the hose down that was no longer needed.

"See. It would have taken me far longer if I had done it." You said, nudging her arm playfully.

"Mmhmm. Let's go lazy bones." Jill said. You both start forward once more.

"In my defense, I haven't slept in a while. It's honestly a miracle I've made it this far." 

"No, you have some natural survival skills in you. I've seen you shoot that gun. You only miss a couple of times." Jill teased.

"Hey, I do pretty good for someone who had absolutely no experience with guns, thank you very much. And why do you think I try to avoid shooting?"

"Is that why you haven't used your shotgun? You don't know how to?" She asked, pausing in her step in the alley, standing near a building.

"Honestly, yeah. I found it and figured I'd take it in case I lost my handgun or ammo for it. I probably would have figured it out through trial and error." 

"And get yourself killed in the process. Let's stop real quick and I'll show you how to use it."

Jill quickly went through the step by step process of shotgun 101. It's pretty much similar to the handgun. Just have to watch out for more recoil. But it was nice to understand how it worked and how to reload.

You both walked through the back entrance of a repair shop. You immediately saw bolt cutters, shining in a spotlight on a wall.

"Looks like those could be useful." You said.

"Yeah, can you carry them in your backpack?" Jill asked.

"Oh, now I gotta carry everything?" She smirked, nodding. "You need to get your own backpack." You said, grabbing the bolt cutters and slipping them into your backpack.

"Why should I when I have you and your never ending abyss of a backpack. How much stuff can you carry in there anyways? It's not that big of a bag."

"A lot if I put my mind to it. Speaking of where we are putting things. How are you carrying so much stuff?"

She shrugged. "Skills. Now, use the bolt cutters on that yellow chain on the door." She demanded, pointing to the door.

"Alright, bossy. Is this pay back for the fire hose incident?"

"Maybe."

You used the bolt cutters on the chain, causing them to break and unlock the door. You and Jill entered the room, noticing an injured man panting against a car. It's a car repair shop.

You and Jill quickly rushed forward to check on the man. "You're U.B.C.S?" Jill asked, kneeling down to check his wounds. You took your bag off your shoulders and knelt down with her, looking for your med kit.

"Y-yeah. Careful, careful." The young man gasped as Jill touched a painful wound. A bite.

You and Jill shared a glance after looking at the man. "C'mon. Don't look at me like that, alright? I'm not infected." The man said.

"Okay, we'll take care of-" Jill starts.

"No no no, wait! Please!" The man's cut off by a gunshot to the head, killing him instantly.

You and Jill gasped, turning to see the man with graying hair behind you who held the gun. Blood was splattered on your face.

"What the fuck!" Jill exclaimed, standing up in anger. You follow suit, attempting to wipe the blood from your cheeks. Luckily it didn't get in your eyes or mouth.

"He was infected." The Russian man said casually.

"He might have been infected!" Jill shouted.

The man scoffed. "Are all S.T.A.R.S this soft? No wonder so many of you are dead." He said, beginning to walk off.

"And what are you? U.B.C.S? Killing your own people?" 

He huffed and turned to face her from the stairs. "He would have turned. Where is your sense of self-preservation?"

She said nothing and glared. You walked up to stand by her, ready to help fight the man if she needed you to.

He tsked and began walking up the stairs again. "Go back to the subway station. We don't need a bleeding heart like you getting in the way." He shuts the door behind him.

You rubbed Jill's arm in comfort before turning to look at the man. You saw a book sticking out of his pocket and picked it up in case it had information, skimming through it.

It was a training log. The man's name was Murphy. He was apparently in prison for murdering twenty gang members and Umbrella had let him out to work for them. He seemed to have had a motev for the murders as his brother was killed by a gang member. Not that you really approve murder. You just understand why someone would do so when blinded by grief. 

"Find something?" Jill asked you.

"Uh, that guy that just left, his name may be Nicholai. That's just a guess though. But the way Murphy over here described Nicholai using him as a shield during training just screamed it's self-preservation dude." You said.

"Yeah, you may be right." She glanced at the dead man, saddened by another loss. "Let's get out of here. There isn't anything else here that we need." 

You nodded and you two made your way up the stairs and out of the shop. You tried not to look at the body of the man as you left. As sad as it sounded, you've been trying to stay disconnected with your empathetic side since this all started. It's hard to go through the city knowing that all the dead and undead were once people like you. People who had feelings and family. People who you and Ben tried and failed to help.

You made it to a dark alley and looked ahead, seeing dogs and a crashed police car with the lights still flashing. Oh yeah, animals get infected too.

You and Jill did your best to avoid getting bit by the dogs, stunning them and shooting them to put them out of their misery.

Finally, you make it to the entrance of the transmission tower. The door was locked. Figures.

"Great." You sighed.

"Maybe that guy has something that can help." Jill motioned to the man slumped to the ground with a box in his hands.

"Let's check." You walked over and carefully grabbed the box from the dead man's hands. You screeched and jumped away when a bunch of bugs came exploding and crawling out of the man's stomach, guts exposed.

"Oh my god." Jill gasped.

You shivered and gagged. You hate bugs. Hate hate hate!

"Here you open it." You shoved the box in Jill's hands, not wanting to chance it. There could be more bugs in there.

She carefully opened the box, finding a lock pick.

"Nice. You know how to use it?" You asked her.

"Yeah. You?" She asked, you shook your head.

"I'm more of a climb through the window type person." You said. 

She raised a brow at you. Oh yeah, she was a cop. Maybe you shouldn't talk about how you've broken the law during your time as Ben's assistant. "I've locked myself out of my apartment more times than I care to admit. Crowbars were my best friend in those scenarios. Had one left on the ledge."

Not entirely a lie there. You have had to lodge a crowbar through your apartment window after you've locked yourself out. And you hadn't wanted to call a locksmith, thinking you could "do it yourself" for free. You almost had the cops called on you by your neighbor before they realized it was you being an idiot.

"That's not safe. Someone else could have broken in." Jill scolded. You shrugged. "Nevermind. Let's just get this over with." She walked over to the gate lock and began picking it.

"Where did you learn to pick locks?" You asked as you watched her work.

"My father." She deadpanned, you could tell she didn't want to elaborate further.

"Huh. My dad never really taught me anything. Except how to sweet talk my way out of trouble. Very helpful since became Ben's assistant." You said.

"How'd you become his assistant anyways?" Jill asked as she worked on the lock. 

"I found an ad somewhere in the papers. I needed a job that wasn't the fast food place I was working at. So I figured, why not apply. He liked me, I liked his thought process and his goals, and the rest is history."

"Now you're here, stuck with me. In a city wide outbreak where everything is trying to kill you. How's that feel?" She joked weakly.

"Well, it could be worse. I could still be alone. I'm glad I found someone I can trust in all this." The lock clicked and she stood and turned, giving you a smile.

"Ditto. I'm glad I have someone watching my back through this."

"Even though I suck at shooting?" You joked.

"Even though you suck at shooting." She laughed. She walked through the gate, holding it open for you.

You went to walk through the gate when you heard something behind you. You turned to look and saw nothing. As you were about to shrug it off, you saw a slimy substance falling from above. You looked up and saw a giant, mutated bug. The bug shrieked and grabbed you by the neck, still hanging from above. You screamed.

"Y/ n!" Jill yelled, running to help you.

Something slimy and tongue like is shoved down your throat, causing you to choke and gag from disgust. Jill gets it off of you and shoots the bug-like creature, killing it instantly.

"Fucking gross." She grimaced.

You choke and gag trying to get the disgusting sensation out of your throat. Of something crawling within you. A parasite.

"Here, you need an herb. Quickly!" Jill urged, coaxing you to swallow the herb in her hand.

You gasped and shoved the herb in your mouth, swallowing quickly. You immediately felt the urge to throw up and turned away from Jill, puking the parasite on the ground near the dead bug creature. You closed your eyes, trying to regain your breath and calm your beating heart.

"You okay?" Jill asked, rubbing your shoulder in comfort.

"No." You rasped. That was disgusting. You felt disgusting. You hate bugs.

"You know, I won't blame you if you'd want to wait out here. I can get this done alone if I have to." She told you.

"I'm thinking about it." You joked weakly. You shook your head and sighed. "No, I'll come with you. Hang on a second." You reached into your backpack and grabbed a pack of gum from your bag. You stuck a piece in your mouth, the mint refreshing the nasty taste in your mouth. You offered one to Jill and she smirked, taking a piece and sticking it in her mouth.

"Of course you have gum." Jill laughed.

"Well, yeah. I wish I had a toothbrush. My teeth aren't too bad right?" You haven't brushed in two days, having unfortunately lost your toothbrush and your cleaned bottled water when you had to run away from a public bathroom that was suddenly overrun with infected people. Finding out the hard way that the water was infected. Best not to drink the city water. 

"No, you're fine. You surprisingly don't smell as bad as you look." You glared. "I mean, well, you know what I mean. You smell fine. And your teeth are fine. Now get up, we have things to do." She helped you to your feet from your kneeled position.

"Thanks." You deadpanned.

"Don't mention it. Let's get this over with."

You two quickly made your way through the building, shooting any bug that so much as twitched at you, working to get the power back on. There was some kind of disgusting growth covering the walls of the building. You weren't even sure what it was. You didn't want to know.

You finally pulled up the last lever, sighing in relief that you could finally leave.

"Done. Time to get the hell out of here." Jill said. You nodded in agreement, shooting and kicking away the angry giant bugs that ran at you.

"Agreed." You both ran, dodging any creature that lunged at you, until you finally made it outside.

"Okay. All that leaves is the main power switch." Jill panted, running up the stairs to the power station.

You both walked over to the control panel. Jill finds the switch and presses it, starting the power and destroying all the growth and bug-creatures. Mutated cockroaches? You weren't sure what type of bug it was. You just wanted them dead.

"Enjoy that." Jill said, watching the nest crumble.

"Good riddance. Hated those fucking things." You shivered.

"Me too. Come on. We gotta radio, Carlos." Jill said. You nodded.

You two began making your exit as Jill called Carlos.

"Carlos, it's Jill. We've restored power to the subway." Jill said.

"Nice going!" Carlos' voice sounded. "Next up is the traffic control system. It should be in the subway company's offices." 

"Right. I think I know the building." Jill said.

"Really? Way to go partner. One step ahead!" He said.

"Not your partner." Jill finished, shutting the radio off.

You snorted, "Awe, he seems sweet."

"You can have him." She joked.

"I'm good."

You two walked down some stairs, making your way to the offices. You stopped to gather supplies you found lying around and hiding in lockers. They're probably not going to need it anymore. You pushed through an orange door, making it outside once more, then went through a gate and onto a street, following Jill's lead.

As you were walking, you had a sudden feeling of dread in your chest. It was quiet. Too quiet.

"Hey, Jill-" You started.

"I feel it too. Stay close." She said, feeling that something was wrong. 

As you two walked by the police cars with the flashing lights, the wall to your right exploded, bricks flying everywhere. You gasped in shock and saw the tall and strong monster that had been chasing Jill earlier. Guess it recovered.

The monster growled, the sound similar to the word "stars". It started going after Jill once more and you grabbed her arm, pulling her way from getting hit.

"Are you shitting me?" Jill yelled, frustrated and frightened.

You both dodged and ran around it, continuing to your destination. Now with the added problem of that thing chasing you.

As you ran, it lunged forward and smacked at you both, knocking you back. You guess it's not doing the eerily slow walk anymore. You shot at a power generator, making it shock the monster and pulled Jill to a run, dodging zombies while you went.

You made your way back to the repair garage and Jill pulled out her radio. "Carlos, that thing is still alive! It's after me!" Jill yelled.

"What? Run! You both come back to the station!" He told her.

"Not until we get traffic control online." Jill put the radio away and glanced at you questionly.

"You okay to keep helping me? That thing is only after me. You'd be safer away from me."

"No, I'm not going to leave you to fix the train by yourself. And I'm not leaving until I know you're safe. It's the least I can do."

Jill nodded sincerely. "Thank you."

You both finally make it to the offices, careful as to avoid anything trying to kill you. Jill pulled her radio out again.

"Carlos, we're in the control room. Now what?"

"Nice! Now you gotta plot out a route." His voice said through the speaker.

"Okay, gimme a sec." Jill handed you the radio to hold and got to work. "Alright, where are we headed?" She asked through the radio in your hand.

"The train is stopped at Redstone Street. We need to reach Fox Park Station. Can you program that in?" Carlos asked.

"Hey, I'm supercop. Consider it done." She joked. You chuckled and watched as she input the directions. She did so successfully.

"Carlos, it's me. I've finished inputting the subway route." She said, gently taking back the radio from your hand.

"Jill, you are amazing! Tough as nails too. Hurry back to the station. We'll make sure the subway is ready to depart." Carlos said.

Jill put the radio away after that. "He's right. You are amazing. Just thought you should know." You smirked.

"Shut up." She snorted, smiling sheepishly. "We better get going to the station. Thanks for your help, by the way. And the company. It's nice having someone to talk to through all of this." She told you.

"Don't mention it. I couldn't just leave you to do this by yourself. Even supercops need help once in a while." You both laughed and made your way out of the office.

Now you need to make it back to the station in one piece.

[exactlydeepestface]

[wangxianficrecs]

Swordplay by Vamillepudding

Swordplay

by Vamillepudding

G, 4k, wangxian

Summary: Everybody knows Hanguang-jun is the prettiest man to have ever walked the earth. It makes sense, then, that people keep taking their shot despite knowing that Lan Wangji only has eyes for Wei Wuxian. Or: 5 times someone wanted to stick their sword in Hanguang-jun (in a sexy way) and one time he let the Yiling Patriarch do it (also in a sexy way).

Excerpt: “I wonder how serious they are,” his advisor muses. Jin Ling stares at him. “The taxes?” “The relationship. You’re too young to know this, Sect Leader, but not everything is about true love. People break up all the time.” There is a halt in the conversation as both of them watch Hanguang-jun lean in to kiss Wei Wuxian, first on the cheek, then on the temple, then on the lips. The picnic basket (where did they get a basket?) gets unceremoniously shoved to the side, forgotten. “If you ask me,” his advisor says, “they look unhappy.” “You’re a financial advisor,” Jin Ling snaps. “How would you know?” His advisor looks hurt. “I also work as a love guru. Haven’t you read my book? Seventy-three easy ways to snatch the man of your dreams away from his boyfriend. I gave it to you as a birthday gift last year.”

canon compliant, post-canon, romantic comedy, yiling laozu wei wuxian, protective wei wuxian, humor, pov multiple, pov outsider, terrible flirting, second-hand embarassement, time skips, bamf wei wuxian, established relationship, idiots in love, 5+1 things, @vamillepudding

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[madmanwonder]

(Ask, Crossover, Funny Bad Flirt) Goten towards Rukia.

Goten: *Swagger up to Rukia* Can I have a bite off your sweet peach?

Rukia: *Deadpan* I swear if you are refering to my rear-end. I am going to end your life....

Goten: *Smirked* I am not hearing a no from you~ *Wink at Rukia*

Rukia: *Bonked him on the head with fierce blush*

[cosmic-clown666]

*Cosmic casually laying against Jack, playing with his claws*

C: "Do you know what material this is?"

J: "I don't know. Cotton? Polyester maybe?"

C: "I was thinking more like boyfriend material."

J: "That's not a type of..... I see what you did there. That was cheesy."

C: "Yeah, but you like cheesy."

[exlwandering]

Celica and Lemal Part 5

I actually wrote this stuff like just yesterday and today so it's actually reasonable me posting this now. Horary! Any way, enjoy these two weirdos, this is definitely my favorite chapter thus far because its mostly just them finally talking to each other and this is were other bigger world elements start coming out so world building wise this was really fun to write. I've said it before but I think I should have the next part soon ish. Hopefully I'm not jinxing myself tho

Lemal

“Alright Mont, why won’t she talk to me? Let’s figure this out!”

“Well what do you want me to do about it? It’s her own damn problem if she won’t answer you.”

I invited Mont into my office today to talk about Celica, to figure out how to get her to like me, or figure out why she doesn't like me so far. “Maybe because you’re a prick?”

Unfortunately Balasey invited herself.

“Why not give her some presents? Women tend to love that!”

And so did Cuss.

“Okay thank you Balasey, Cuss, very… Helpful. But we really need to discuss, and truly discuss, any problems. 

“Well,” Mont starts, “what have you done so far. It’s only been two full days so what’s gone wrong already?” He chuckles to himself.

“Oh I’m so glad that you can laugh at my marital troubles, aren't you lucky that you’ll never have to worry about me doing the same to know mister no-marriage. Ha.”

He gets quiet and glares at me. “Don’t you mention that like it’s a joke or I’ll walk out of this room right now. That’s a promise.”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic, Mont, you know I don’t mean it. Relax.”

“You've yet to answer his question,” Balasey finally pipes up. 

“I was waiting for you to add your cents, okay here we go. I’ve: complimented her, trying to get her new dresses, though she’s yet to be fitted, bought her fabrics, tried to get her to talk about herself and when she wouldn’t do that I thought I’d open up about my own interests. So I don't know. I couldn’t tell you, I’ve done everything that Father can’t and won’t.”

“Oh well that’s why,” I turn to Cuss, I wasn’t expecting his input. “You’re using Father as a guild map, you’re bound to lose that game brother, HA!”

I glare at him, growling under my breath, he tucks into himself in response. 

“He’s right about that,” Balasey comes back in. “As well as all that is well and good to compliment her and give her gifts, but it means nothing to the Compatu given the whole reason she’s here.”

I give her a moment to answer but she doesn't. 

“Well why is she here other than to marry me,” I ask, consciously.

“What the hell do you mean why else is she here? You don’t know!?”

“Well why don’t you enlighten me!”

“Well I will!” She loses a sigh, “She’s here to die. All of them have always been here to die and almost every single one has. Only like, what, three have lived longer than a few months, and our uncle has the only one to date to ever survive into old age. Do you know that? Why should she trust you at all? Her family likely told her ‘it’s better to stay quiet, best not to anger him.’ You really are stupid if you haven't thought of that as a possibility. That’s she’s scared you’ll eat her-” 

“Oh and there it is, the delusion! Okay, thank you for the input sister, now I think you’ve overstayed your welcome.”

“OH you brat!! Just get away! You disrespectful, arrogant, little boy!”

She screams at me, not unexpectedly, but I can hear her voice crack and I see her eyes tear up. It’s not my vault, however, if she's consumed with fake knowledge. She needs to learn that her fallacy is hardly ever correct.

“And just for your stupid little information Lemal!!! She can’t hear us!! COMPATU TALK SO LOUD BECAUSE THEY CAN’T SPEAK AS LOW AS US!!! AND THEY CAN’T HEAR AS LOW EITHER!!!  You little idiot!! She can’t hear you if you're talking to her!! You have to use paper! Like Mont did when he picked her up!! BECAUSE, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, HE HAS SOME BASIC INTELLIGENCE! UGH!”

She runs out of the room, slamming the door behind her. 

“Alrighty, if you say so little sister!” I smile to myself but it doesn't last long. Mont’s looking at me like he’s confused. 

“What? What’s wrong?”

“She’s… She’s right about the hearing thing you know. They have whole legends calling us ‘the silent death.’ Because they can’t hear us.”

“Mont can you please not-”

“She is right, Lemal. Compatu cannot hear us talk. Her mother on the carriage ride actually asked me if we could not talk. They don’t think we talk, Lemal. They. Can’t. Hear. Us.” 

“Are- Oh shit you’re being serious. Oh shit. OH SHIT! She can’t hear me!! No fucking wonder!! You’re not pulling out my feathers are you?”

“No! You idiot!” 

“Fuck!”

Cuss comments, “well go to her with some paper! So you can actually talk to her! And remember that weird magic lady from a couple of months ago? The Madam I think? She gave you an ear thingy so you don’t have to learn languages! Why not use that?”

“Sorry-” Mont tries to cut in but I cut him out by standing and running out of the room. As I’m leaving I hear Mont ask, “Is that true?” 

Cuss just responds with an, “I don’t know, that’s what she said! Lemal just called her a cracked pot and set her away...”

I rip through the hallway and for the first time ever find her where she is supposed to be: the fitting room. She’s completely naked but I can’t even care. 

“Everyone out!!”

“But your majesty, we’re almost done here, just a moment longer-”

“I. Said. Out! Go. Be gone! Everyone.”

Relua goes to pick up Celica like an idiot, “Leave her.”

She pulls back and quickly leaves the room before any more fuss can be made. 

I look over at her again, she’s curled in on herself, shaking. 

I shout at her, “Can you hear me?”

She looks around. Confused. 

I say it again. 

“Can you hear me?!”

Her eyebrows furrow.

“This isn’t working, okay! If you can hear me, clap your paws together.”

I go to clap my own hands but I stop myself. I silently pray that she’ll do it. 

She doesn't. I try one more time.

“Celica, my darling. If you can hear me-” I take some steps toward her and I’m only a few feet away when I say, “I need you to say literally anything while… Touching your nose with only one finger. 

I wait several seconds. 

She does nothing but curl in on herself more. 

I panic for a moment, thinking this whole time she hasn’t been able to hear me, oh my god. How could I not have noticed this! But I come back to reality for just a moment, and a moment is all it takes to see that she’s terrified, crying and hugging herself so hard that her delicate little claws are pushing into her own skin and are starting to draw blood. 

I reach for her, to let her know that I mean her no harm but she pushes back, forgetting she’s on a stool and falls onto the floor with an unceremonious thump. 

I quickly go to pick her up but she fights to get out of my embrace. Clawing and pushing to get away from me and so I let her go. I look for anything that might allow her to understand I’m not going to hurt her. 

I look around the room and notice that one of the walls is holding up chalk, and on closer inspection is revealed to be a chalk board covering an entire wall. 

I quickly write down, “Calm down love, I’m not trying to hurt you!”

She shouts back, “Then what the hell are you doing?? Why were you trying to grab me??”

I start to write again, “I didn’t know you couldn’t hear me.”

I look back at her and instead of seeing relief, like I would have loved to see, I see anger. 

She chucks a pillow at me. 

“What the hell do you mean ‘I didn’t know!!’ Are you fucking stupid? Even Mont knew and he said he wasn’t even an official member of the royal court! Why did he know and you didn’t? Who told him? How did Relua know? The Towle lady? She can’t even write! Even Rami knew and you’re telling me you didn’t know? How could you not!” 

She breathes deeply, shuddering still. She is right though. 

But my bigger question is why didn’t anyone tell me. Why didn’t anyone at any point see me talking directly to her and not think to tell me? I really am surrounded by idiots. 

I just write on the wall once again. 

“I think I might have a solution. Let's go.”

I wait until she reads it to go and pick her up before she yells, “damn it no! I’m done with the holding! Stop it, I can walk.”

I go back to the board and write one word. 

“Naked?”

“Yes naked, who cares, I don’t! I just wanna stop getting vertigo every time I need to go somewhere!”

“The answer is no.”

“AH- What the hell-”

I cut her off by picking her up and just wrangling her in my arms. It takes some great effort to keep her more or less still but if she doesn't want to keep her dignity then dammit I’ll make her keep it.

I rush us both down the hall, her grunting and scratching at me the whole way there, and there are several moments where I go to tell her to stop before I remember again: she can’t hear me damn it. 

I enter my office and slam the door behind me, the door cracking like lighting. That crack comes with a bite on my finger. I drop Celica. 

“What the hell was that for?” I hold my hand and look at my finger, blood pouring out.  “UH! I don’t care about this!”

Looking around the room I try to remember where I threw that letter: The waste basket. 

I dive for it hoping it hasn’t been emptied and lucky it hasn’t. Ripping it over I skim over the words.

King Lemal… I implore your agreement to a multi-world union… Great trade opportunities… an ear piece as compliments of The Greed Court. …allows multi language communication without any need to learn any of said language, instructions in my package. I look forward to our next meeting, King Lemal.

Best wishes

~The Madam Greedal~

I look around the room looking for this package, slamming the letter down onto the table. 

I push things around, open drawers, look through my bookshelf but nothing. It takes several minutes before I check the wastebasket again and while I don’t find it there, I do find it under one of the legs of my desk. 

“A-HA! Look what I found! Celica?” When I turn to look at her she’s reading the letter from the Gremal lady. I sigh, paying it no mind, instead pushing my attention to the “ear piece” whatever that means. 

Opening the box reveals a strange almost spiral shaped thing, it’s small but it would be too big for Celica? I don’t actually know. I pull out the instructions and illustrations to show how to put them into different types of people's ears, starting with Shatto and ending with Compatu. 

It shows the piece being dropped into one ear with the sides raised - I suppose for structural support- and waiting until a red light shows itself. Once it does the wearer pushes it into their ear until they hear something? Like a small chirp? Then the light should change to blue and then turn off. Great. This makes no scene but it’s worth a shot. 

I grab Celica’s attention from the letter by pulling it out of her hand and then placing the instructions in their place. She looks it over and when I go to place the thing in her ear she growls- fucking growls- at me!

“You don’t put anything in me.” 

After a moment she looks shocked and then pulls back into herself.

“I- I need a little more time to understand the instructions. Can we go back to your room?”

I sigh, I don’t want people just looking at her almost completely naked but if she won’t let me put it in…

I nod. Giving in as quickly as a fool. But this time I think to put her in my coat, and better yet she barely fights me this time, only groaning when I go to pick her up.

Before we leave I write, “by doing this you promise to put some clothes when we get there,” on a piece of paper.

When she’s done reading it she says, “that’s why I wanna get to your room, I’m cold as hell! Why do you guys have to be so far down south. It’s summer damn it. It shouldn’t be so cold.”

Getting back to our room she jumps out of my arms and onto the floor. She marches herself right over to her chest and pulls out, pants, a shirt, and a bright orange sweater. She pulls them on herself -and what’s so cute is that her pants have a hole to let out her tail- before grabbing the instructions and ear thingy and sitting right down on the floor. She combs over the paper for several minutes, her tail twitches in unison with her nose, her eyes squinting at the papers. Finally, she bends her head to the side, drops the piece in her ear and says to me. 

“Lemal, nod when it changes to red.”

I do that, and after a moment the light makes red light and I nod. When I do she pushes it into her ear and stops when it turns blue. I hear a small chirp from the thing and she looks at me. 

I pick her up when I stand and place her on the edge of the bed and she glares at me a little. I don’t mind.

“Well… Can you hear me now Lovey?”

She pulls back and blinks at me. Several seconds pass before she says: “I-... I did not know you would sound like… That.”

Celica

“What the hell do you mean ‘Like that?’” He crows back at me. God that was a stupid thing to say. Who the hell wouldn’t take offense to “I didn’t know you would sound like that!” UGH. He’s gonna kill me or I him. (Most likely he'll kill me though. But his voice is so much lighter than I thought it would be, you'd think someone so big would have a deep voice, yet here we are.)

“Oh I didn't mean- Not that it’s bad! I- um… I’m sorry.”

I look down at the hard wood floor.

And then he fucking laughs.

I look up at him to see his head pointed up, his eyes closed and beak open wide, releasing a  deep and throaty laugh. His head moves back and forth and he sounds almost like he’s cawing. He really is a bird. 

After a moment he puts his hands on his eyes before whipping fucking tears from them. 

He takes a deep breath before saying, “Well at least I know you can hear me.”

I glare at him for a moment, caution be damned. 

“What the hell made you think I could hear you in the first place? I thought you all knew that I can’t hear you. Riddle me this King Lemal: how does a bath servant who can’t read or write know that I can’t hear your kind but a fucking king has no clue?”

I stand so that I have a better chance at being eye level to him for once, he still has to look down at me. 

The smile from his face still hasn’t faded when he says, “well how was I to know? I didn’t think that was possible and no one bothered to tell me. Actually, riddle me this girl: why did it occur to no one to maybe tell the king that the woman he’s marrying can’t hear a word he says?”

“I actually have an answer to that,” He crooks an eyebrow at me, “two answers in fact. For one, maybe people are afraid to correct a king, this seems less likely to me though. What seems more likely is that it’s such common knowledge people must have assumed that you’d get mad if they so much as presumed how much you do or don’t know.” I leave him an angry smile before curtsying ironically.  

His smile drops a little but only for a moment while he rolls his eyes at me. “At least you have an answer.” He then stands and before I have even a moment he pulls me up and quickly drops me again on the bed. I grown as another headache hits me.

“Oh for fucks sake can you stop doing that” I rub my eyes. 

“Doing what?”

“Picking me up? It’s a nightmare! It gives me headaches, and people drop me, and I hate being so damn high! I get such horrible vertigo!”

He crawls onto the bed and lays flat on his back before asking, “why would anyone not like to be quote-un-quote high?”

“Because.”

He looks at me with a stupid smile. 

“...I have a chronic fear of heights. You picking me up makes it worse.” I try to look away from him but I can’t, even turning completely around only results in me seeing him even more clearly. I silently curse my eyes. 

He clicks his tongue and says, “naw, how cute, the little Compatu is scared of heights, how adorable.” He grabs my sides and pulls me to him, whispering right into my ear, “am I too big for you Celica?” 

I can tell he wants me to blush. It just makes me want to claw his eyes out. I push him away with my legs. 

“Be quiet.”

He waits for a moment before backing up. He sighs and lays on his side, propping his head up with his hands. 

“You're so cute Celica, I just wanna say that, since you haven’t heard me before now.” 

That one does in fact make me blush and i feel stupid for doing so.

“What do you want.”

“I want,” he rotates his head until he’s looking at me upside down, “to talk to you, to get to know you. So… What are… Your favorite… Hobbies?”

“Is that really the best you could come up with?”

“Oh come on! Humor me Wife.”

I growl at him but it only serves to make him chuckle.

“I like to write. And read. The arts in general suit me very much I think.”

“Oh~ what types of stories? What art? Do tell.”

“Well I like-”

“Romances? Oh I can just imagine you all curled up enjoying a nice long romance.” He smiles and winks at me.

“Historical texts.”

“...What?”

“I like studying history. A little. I packed five or six books on my kingdom's history, two on yours and a couple others. They are mostly textbook styled but they do have some personality to them and my favorite one talks about its subjects in a discovery type of way and the narrator constantly falls into little obsessive episodes. It’s very funny to me.”

For a moment he could barely do anything but stare at me

He looks vaguely confused. “So… You’re a little historian, okay.”

“Not really. History is just fun.”

He thinks for a moment before asking, “Do you read anything else? Or write? Mont told me you write pretty frequently.”

This kind of strikes me, I guess Mont told Lemal about how I wrote the whole way here. “...I do, but mostly just about my own life, or my family. I don’t write many original works, and besides, it’s important for royalty to write about their experiences, you know, for history's sake.”

He nodds when he says, “Hmm. Well I don’t think you’re wrong. Oh, but Question: if it's for the people of the future to read, why don’t you want me to read it.”

“Are you from the future?”

He laughs at this. “ I suppose not. But still, why?”

“While I'm alive, my thoughts are private and totally mine, no one else's. Not even yours, King,” I bite back.

“Aww, I told you, just Lemal for you.” He stops for a moment, scratching the side of his beak, (he’s actually got a small dent exactly where he’s scratching. I guess he does that a lot. Maybe it helps him think?) he mutters, “I actually don't think you heard that.” 

“You're right, I didn’t hear it but I could tell what you meant. You have…” I wave my hands for emphasis, “very expressive body language.”

He laughs before nodding, “I suppose you’re right. By the way, why didn’t you ever try to tell me that you couldn’t hear me?”

I sit quietly for a moment before saying,“I thought you were toying with me.”

His eyes widen and he pulls his head back. “No. No never, I don't like to…” He stops short, “And I would never do that to you. Happy wife, happy life. So I don't intend to play with your mind like that.” He reaches out to me and boops me on the nose, making me sneeze. I Swear he squeals just a little, like the thought of my sneezing is just too cute.

I sit there for a moment, I can’t tell if he’s completely serious yet, it seems like it but he always seems to have this aloofness to him, but then he acts so caring in one moment and then the next… I don’t even know. So all I can respond with is a quiet, “that’s good.”

He smiles a little bit. It makes me want to change the subject. 

“...What do you like to do? Hobbies.”

“Naw, is that the best you can come up with?”

I look up at him caught off guard, he's laid down now, lounging on his back, hands behind his head and smiling at me. 

Before I can say anything he picks up again, “I like to hunt obviously, and I'm a bit of a reader myself. However I do have one obsession that’s been nagging at me recently.”

He gets quiet and waits for me to say something so I respond bored,” and what would that be.” 

“Oh, nothing much, just a little Compatu named Celica, she’s rather adorable from tip to tail. Tell me, what do you think of my obsession, hmm?” (He thinks he’s so damn clever.)

“I think it’s rather boyish and that you might hope to reign that ‘obsession’ in a bit, after all you’ve only known her for about three days.” 

“Wise words, I suppose. However I’m not sure I’ll heed your advice, little love, as soon we'll have known each other for a lot longer.” 

He reaches out for me and scratches under my chin, the sensation is nice but the fact that he’s doing that with a claw that could push through my skin like butter makes me weary of the touch, so I push him away. 

He clicks his tongue in disappointment before pulling his hand back. 

“Why are you so weary of me?”

This feels like the most obvious thing ever to me, maybe he just thinks I'm dull? Or that now that we're married I should hand myself in whole to him. Trust him. (Well excuse me for having survival instincts.) “Well for one I don’t know you, this is the first real conversation we’ve had.”

“Well that’s nothing, my own father met my mother the day of their wedding just as you and I did, hell, he picked her out from a collection of other women.”

“That’s disgusting,” I pulled myself further away from him.

“What? No, not at all. Wait, how do the Compatu usually marry?”

“Normally. We meet someone, get to know them and fall in love, then after a long time of being in a relationship they may get married, but the decision is mutual, not… Like this.” I curl in on myself, hugging my knees to my chest. Looking over at him, he almost has a remorseful look on his face but it’s overshadowed by his confusion. 

After a moment of being quiet he nearly whispers, “Have you ever been in a relationship before?” (Thinking about it, it’s like he’s scared of the answer.)

I turn to him, sighing before saying, “yes. Three. I loved them all very much, especially my last one… But he didn’t know who I really was until the end of the relationship, and when he found out that I was promised to you…” I closed my eyes and turned from him, I don’t want him to see me cry. So with a shaky voice I finish, “he left me, so that he wouldn’t be.. I don’t know. Reprimanded? Killed even? By the- ...By you.” Silence fills the room but before I know it, Lemal pulls me into a hug. He wrapps his wings around me and rests his beak on my head.

“I am truly sorry, My Love. You didn’t deserve to be hurt like that.” He then wipes a small tear (that I hadn’t realized I had shed) away with his claws.

“It’s fine.” I try to pull myself out of his arms. “Anyone who would just up and leave like that is not someone I want in my life anyhow.” Finally I pull so hard that I pop out of his hands, go flying into the air and land on my face. 

He fucking giggles. 

I mutter, “fuck you…”

“Excuse me?”

I stay quiet for a moment before saying it again. “Fuck. You.”

After an almost amused moment of silence he says, “Wow. I comfort you and then you curse me, how kind.” He’s crosses his legs and is propping his head up with his hand now.

“Well you laugh at me when I try and get out of your grasp, what's fair is fair.”

“Oh no, no, no, that wasn’t fair.” He says pulling me by the waist until I’m in his lap again. I don’t think he can help himself from touching me. My evidence? He’s rubbing my waist, and I can see how he tilts his head a little to get a better look at me. I hate how I almost like this type of attention, it's been forever since I’ve just been touched like this .(But does it have to be him??) 

He’s about to say something but stops short. Maybe it’s because I’m not fighting him?

No matter the reason he keeps going, groping me and moving his hands further back unti-

“Ee!”

He pinches my fucking tail, hard. 

I finally kick myself out of his grasp. 

“I should have known that would be too far.” he mutters.

When I’ve positioned myself to have my tail facing away from him I ask, “what the hell were you trying to accomplish there?! That shit hurts!” Still rubbing the base of my tail mind you.

(I’m lying. I hate that I have to lie. Frankly it shouldn’t have felt that fucking good. I hate myself for liking it actually. Stupid, Stupid-)

“I- I’m not actually sure. But I am sorry. If that helps?”

“No you’re fine, I let you go that far anyway…”

“So… You liked it? Other than the pinch I mean.”

“I’d prefer not to answer that.”

He smiled then, more than likely knowing the truth.

I just want to change the subject now. “So… What’s your family like, you said something about your mother and father, what are they like?”

He blinks at the subject change but submits to it. “Oh my father is a bastard, not that I’m ever going to tell him that, and neither should you. Not that I think you will though. It’s my mother I’m more fond of. We’ve always been rather close. She is one of the fairest women alive, even with her growing age there is not another woman who could even compare.”

“That’s… You know how odd that sounds coming from her son. Right?”

“I do, but that's what she tells me all of the time, and she is beautiful. It’s why my father picked her actually. She was known as the most beautiful woman in all of our territories and so she was brought to the palace here and was wed to my father. Of course you’ve seen her so you know just how lovely she is.”

“You’re right, I have seen her.” I think of the stylish woman that poked and prodded at me, and the judgmental looks, those make a bit more sense now, she must be pretty vain. “She was the previous queen, correct? What was her role here?”

“Oh she wasn’t Queen, nor was my father King.”

“They… Weren't?”

“Not at all. My father was what you call the breeder. The second born son is to marry and have children. His first son shall be King and then the second born is the Breeder and so it just goes on like that. It’s rather unorthodox compared to the other species' way of doing things.”

“Is that because of our marriage?”

“Yes, it is my smart, little Wife. The Breeder may marry whom he wishes but the King has a moral responsibility to tradition and so on, so forth.”   

“Interesting. Wait so back to your family, you have a younger brother?”

“I do, he’s rather dull but he’ll likely do rather well at his role. He’s always going on about finding a wife that he loves and such, and if he accomplishes that fast enough he’ll likely produce dozens of little children. I also have a sister, she can be rather delusional and my father has to threaten her with marriage almost every hour for her to behavior but that’s just because she has no real role to play in court, but honestly there aren't any roles for her to play anyway given her woman hood. And she’d do no good as a breeder given her refusal of men, she continues to perplex me.”

“Wait so she just does nothing everyday and that’s just okay? Surely she must do something everyday.” That’s such a horrible fate to me, just doing nothing but being seen for the rest of my life, I can only pray that that doesn't happen to me here. For now I have my tunnels but as soon as I’m done… What then?

“Oh she does, she taught herself to read when she was only, what? Four or five? And ever since you could always find her in the library, but it clouds her mind rather horribly, she barely takes care of herself and her delusions have nearly completely taken her over.” He looks so remorseful for her.

“That’s terrible, she doesn't hurt herself does she? Have you taken her to the doctor or some type of physician or psychiatrist?”

He shakes his head dismissively. “No, father doesn't think that’s needed, I don’t think so either, she just needs to do something other than just think, or at least that's what I believe.”

I’m quiet for a moment before he decides he’s had enough of the silence.

“Anyhow though I don’t want this conversation to get too dark, so do you have any siblings?”

I laugh to myself (more of a giggle to be honest but that’s a bit embarrassing to admit.) 

“Do I have siblings? A better question is ‘does the amount of siblings you have ever end!”

“Oh? How many do you have?”

“Guess,” I say, still giggling to myself.

He sits for a moment before saying, “well it can’t be any more than- what? 10? No! I’ll go 15, just to be safe.”

I laugh right into his face, harder than I thought I would for a long while. I have no doubt that he thinks he’s way over shot but oh do I have a surprise for him.

“I have thirty-one siblings!” I spout out. At this point I am laughing so hard that I might throw up and when I look at him again his beak is as open as a broken hinge and his eyes are so wide that I can see the whites of his eyes (I guess he doesn't have all black eyes after all, huh.)

“Woman! DO I feel sorry for your mother, my goodness! Unless you have several? How does one even get that many children! Thirty-two children- by Magont! That’s just insane!” He’s laughing at the end of his sentence but there's a twinge of nervousness. 

“Don’t worry too much, I was born in a litter, all Compatu are.”

“Wait so- how does that work?”

I compose myself before explaining, “I was in my mother's first litter and was supposedly the first one out, but there were- and get ready for this, you’re gonna freak out so compose yourself.” He fixes his poster, hands rested in his lap and nods when he’s ready. “I was one of seven in my mothers first litter.”

His beak breaks itself open again and he laughs again, “How does one woman hold that many children in her? My goodness!”

“Well in all fairness Compatu babies, even when they stretch out all the way, arent even as big as my hand, so… They’re really tiny.”

He puts my hands in his and rubs the back of them with those claws again. (To be honest it’s not really that scary anymore, I mean, he’s always been rather gentle with me. Other than earlier but in all fairness I was fighting him to get out of his grasp and naken, and who knows how people here would interpret that.)

“Thats’ an adorable image,” he practically sighs this into the air, his voice going soft. 

“It really is, when we’re born, we’re blind as well so our mothers and fathers have to lick our eyes open. It's cuter than it sounds, I helped deliver my mother’s fifth and last litter and it was really sweet. My father says he was the one to give me sight. I wish I could have kids…” I let that last bit out before I consider what I’m saying and before Lemal can say anything in response I change the subject, just a little. 

“So what do Shatoo babies look like?” I fake a smile and look up at him and it felt like he was blushing, hard to tell though.

“Well…” He starts, I suppose remembering his siblings' births, “they are also rather cute. I didn’t see my little sister being born as I was at a military camp at the time but when my brother was born I was very much present, almost wishing I wasn’t.”

We both laugh for a moment, “but my brother had small little legs, no real claws and a very short beak, very round. It gets longer as we get older but it stops while we’re still pretty young. I remember how it took me years to grow into mine all the way and I’m still not sure if it’s too big for me, haha.”

I laugh at that too before thinking, “Wait, why do you have to grow your beaks? Do you know why it’s so short at first?”

“Oh, so it doesn't scratch the mother on the inside, you know, while she’s pregnant.”

Excuse me what. “Wait, I thought Shatoo were hatched, like in eggs?”

His eyes widen and he caws to himself, “What? No! Not at all, our women get pregnant! Why did you think of eggs?”

I look him up and down, “maybe because you’re a bird? Aren't you?”

He shakes his head in disbelief “Not really, I think more canine actually. I mean-” He slides off of the bed and takes off his shirt, “Actually take a look at me, look past the feathers and wings and beak, actually look at my body.”

I do and sure enough everything suggests canine. Long thin limbs that can be used to walk on all fours, backwards knees, and hands that take the shape of elongated paws, and feathers covering his legs entirely until a furless set of paw like claws … That would also explain the teeth.

“Huh, I guess so.”

He smiles

“Okay but you can’t blame me for thinking that!” I shout, laughing to myself.

He too laughs hard, holding himself up by leaning on the bed, his head moving up and down. Eventually that up and down motion becomes shakes and he just says, "I'm gonna go change into some sleep clothes, I’ll let you change in here.” He reaches into his dresser and pulls out his night pants and heads to the toilet room to change. 

Once the door closes I head for my chest and pull out a loose knitted nightshirt, shorts and a book, the favorite one that I had talked about earlier. The Strange History  of our Nation's Most Beloved Monuments, Catacombs and Palaces.

I jump back onto the bed and change, throwing my day clothes on top of the chest, right then the door opens and Lemal comes walking out in just his night pants, he then quickly throws himself onto the bed onto one his giant hides.

His eyes are closed and he looks very comfortable.

“Hey,” I start, curiosity grabbing me. His eyes open and he looks up at me. “Did you hunt and skin that?” I point to the hide and he awkwardly looks down the whites of his eyes showing again, making me smile a little. 

“Why yes I did, this was one of my first actually, my father and I went hunting and he taught me how to skin animals. This particular beast was a Barcuma. They're actually almost the size of a Shatoo, which was very scary to little me. My father took me to kill one so that I wouldn’t be scared anymore. It nearly killed me. But I wasn’t scared anymore.”

“Hold on,” I start, “did he send you to kill it by yourself! Were you okay?”

He caws (which I guess is like his version of snorting), “Oh no. Very much not, it broke my arm actually, it put up a real fight. Wanna see the scar?”

I’m taken aback by this, is he actually looking back on this fondly? I give him a small nod and he lifts himself to his knees and shows me the scar, it takes a little bit of looking but in the middle of his bicep there is a jagged gray scar where his feathers just stop. Despite myself I reach for his arm and lightly trace the scar. It goes almost entirely around his arm. 

“That must have hurt so terribly.” 

“Oh trust me, it did. But it was the first scar I ever got, it’s a sign of strength against adversity and fear.” he pulls his arm up and admires the scar, proudly. “Every scar on my body is a sign of strength and that is incredibly important to me. Both the scar and what it represents. They all mean something different too, some type of adversity. You know?” I give him a very close once over then, and when I do this I see dozens of smaller scars. For example: one on his neck that looks almost like a stab wound; two under his left eye, they’re thin and short; a massive bite mark on his side, looking around him it goes almost all around his back and some small bits of skin are missing around each tooth mark; and dozens of scratches and bite marks all over both of his wings, making them spotting in places (and that's just their insides, their outsides must be much worse).

After a moment of silence from my part I whisper, “That’s terrifying Lemal.”

He laughs a little before saying, “oh don’t worry about it my Little Love. And again, I look at them in fondness. And more are to come. Besides, I'm not the only one with scars to show for.”

I crinkle my brow in confusion before he gestures to my thighs. I realize that he’s talking about my digging scars. Some are as fresh as from yesterday. 

“Oh, no, those aren’t really like yours.” When I look back at him he’s laying down, and is stretching his wings out over the bed. “Hey, leave some room for me!” I Laugh as he lifts his wings and after a moment I crawl under his wing and sit down on a pillow. He drops his wing and it rests over my legs. 

“Why aren't they the same, how did you get them?”

“Digging madness.”

He looks confused and especially sounds it when he asks, “Digging madness? I haven’t married a mad woman have I?”

“Ha you wish, but no. Digging madness usually happens with royals because we live in the palace, Compatu have the natural instinct to make burrows instead. So after a while you start experiencing ‘digging madness’ where you kinda get really obsessed with digging a burrow. Sometimes in the same place, sometimes not. It’s just a very intense need to dig. Doesn't really matter if it becomes a burrow or not.”

He’s quiet for a moment before asking, “is that what happened the other day? I know you said you were making a garden but…”

I panic for a moment, and I really try not to. IF I’m unlucky enough he'll be able to tell what it is before I even answer. So in my smoothest most non-lying voice I lie, “Oh, umm well both. Needed dirt for the garden and I got digging madness as a result of digging too much for too long. That’s another way to get it.” (It really is though. You know I find the best way to lie is to add truths to the lie, like how I did get digging madness, that I needed dirt for the garden. But not why. None of that was actually a lie thinking about it, I just didn’t tell him everything.)  He begins to nod but I just wanna change the subject, so I spit out, “What were you doing that day? What were you up to?”

His eyes widen in interest and he looks away from me, “well, my Celica I was busy in the trading town nearby getting fabric for your new dresses! You're gonna look just so cute in them, I’m designing them myself. Also,” he looks back at me, “Do dresses for Compatu have little holes for your tails?” 

I Sigh before reluctantly nodding (the last thing I want is more dresses, give me pants and I'm perfectly fine. Besides they’re so difficult to run in, especially when on all fours which I think I might have to do everyday for the rest of my life. I’m so glad I packed some other clothes.)

“Good,”  he says, a goofy smile on his face, “That’s just the most adorable image ever!” he looks over to me, “you’re gonna be adorable.”

I throw back a sarcastic, “Hooray.”

He clicks his tongue, “Naw, I know you don’t think you’re cute but you really are. I'll make sure that that is a very well known fact to you. Eventually.”

I sigh, “I am so grateful.”

We’re quiet for a moment. It’s kind of striking. Before now every single time we’ve gotten quiet with one another it’s always had this sense of awkwardness, or even hatred on my part. This feels different. Relaxed and comforting, if just this is the rest of my life I'm not too sure how opposed I am to the idea. Comfortably discussing our families, idly relaxing talking about our interests, it doesn't sound terrible.  If this is who he really is… It’s much better than the alternative to say the least. 

He’s smiling at me when he says, “what do you have there?”

I look down at my lap. “It’s that book I was talking about.”

He gets a slightly bored expression on his face, it’s playful though, “are you going to put me to sleep with your boring history lessons?”

I whack his beak with my book softly before saying, “I’ll show you, just let me read you one chapter, just one. You’ll be begging for more, I swear it.”

He gives me a look that says ‘I don’t believe you’ before actually saying, “sure. It’s a quick trip to sleep, so I don’t mind. Besides,” he stops for a moment before looking at me differently, very fondly, “I rather enjoy hearing your voice.”

We smile at each other for a moment before I open the book to page one. 

In the end I was right, we finished the whole thing, albeit very deep into the night.

[undertheredhood]

random civillain who just moved to gotham: *having a mental breakdown after they accidentally kill a clown with a bad dye-job*

the red hood (notorious crime lord and vigilante): "are you from tennessee? 'cause you're the only ten i see."

[mellosdrawings]

Do you think in the N2 Squad, Jamil will just randomly get a burst of confidence and flirt with Leona and Vil, just for them to turn it around on him and he then gets so flustered he enters Caterpillar Mode™️ (pulls his hood over his face) for a solid hour?

I kept this one in my asks for a long time coz, while I thought it was a good ask and wanted to draw something for it, I am also plagued with the terrible curse of being both aromantic and autistic and struggling a lot with the very concept of ~*flirting*~

So first, gonna thank @aria-faye and @the-fab-fox for their insights and having the patience to explain to me the big strokes of flirting.

And now, I'm gonna quote aria-faye word for word cause he explained Jamil's flirting perfectly well in my opinion :

"I feel like Jamil is just... bad at flirting. He can tease and joke and all that, but when he's doing it with the intention of flirtation, i feel like he stumbles. His version of intentional flirting would probably be just... being overly straightforward. Saying what he's thinking for once."

"I feel like Jamil isn't very charismatic when it comes to flirting, so he isn't saying it [compliments] in any sort of way. Just pointing out a fact, which, to him, is flirting. Because it's not something he'd normally say aloud."

"Here's the thing: I think if they played the flirting game, and if Jamil said something intentionally over-the-top, teasing flirtatious, they [Leona and Vil] would match his energy and do it right back. BUT Jamil would be equipped to volley that back over and over. It's not flirtation that gets him. There's an element of disingenuous in flirting. It's all exaggerated, a bit untrue. It's an act - a mutually agreed-upon act that everyone in the group enjoys, but an act nonetheless. And Jamil is EXCELLENT at acts. He's no blushing flower when it comes to flirting. He would take that stuff all the way to bed if that's where it led him. But compliments? He has no idea how to take compliments. He has such a low opinion of himself for so long that he never learned. Compliments are what make him blush. Not flirting."

"Like, Leona could be like 'Damn Baby, what does that tongue do?' And Jamil would immediately respond by purring 'Come here and find out.' But Leona being like 'You look beautiful today' would have Jamil like "Oh, um. *blushes, pulls hood over his head* Thanks, I guess.'"

"I think something else that would get him flustered is physical affection. Like he gets all hyped up to shakily hold their hands, and they immediately respond by kissing his cheeks and being sweet to him. That would make him blushy too."

"Flirting is basically just manipulation. Jamil knows how to do that. He's really good at that. It might surprise him at first, but if he's the one initiating, he wouldn't do it unless he knew exactly what he was doing. Flirting for real is kind of fake. A teasing dance you do to get to a more intimate set of behaviors. And Jamil is great at this kind of thing. There are a thousand ways to make him blushy if he's not initiating. But if he's initiating, that implies a level of confidence, so the options for making him blushy circles right back around to honesty."

"Leona and Vil flirt by antagonising each other, so it might take them a second to realize that whenever Jamil drops an Honesty Bomb on them like this and speaks plainly, he's flirting. But once they know, Jamil will never know peace again, because they turn it right back on him and compliment him honestly until he's curled up and hiding in his hood and begging them to stop."

(Yes we had a very long discussion about it x))

[hermit-frog]

Rashid’s reaction to vampires vs. humans

[jb-nonsense]

Gale realizing what you meant when you asked if he liked his belly rubbed

[rambamthxman]

Eddie.

You're thinking out loud, Eddie.

Eddie.

Eddie please💀

-Robin

[il-predestinato]

Poor Lewis ... standing between these two during the national anthem yesterday: 😢

He was probably having war flashbacks: 🫠

[krysmcscience]

Don't mind me, just slacking on a big Billford comic by making other far more ridiculous Billford comics and also some AU art (please excuse my slapdash human!Bill thank you please, also before anyone asks the art style is messy and all over the place because idgaf LOL)

This started out as an excuse to design a Bill Cipher-inspired "wedding" dress, but then spiraled wildly out of control. Various rambles and a bunch more human!Bill arts under the cut, including another silly little comic at the end! (Feel free to skip the rambles, I won't be offended. I know I'm bad at shutting up. XD)

I may or may not write some comedy stuff for this AU, which I'm calling 'For Better Or Worse (But Mostly Worse)'. While Ford DOES remember getting sloshed enough for one thing to lead to making out with another after karaoke, neither he nor Bill remember this wedding, At All. The Love God did nothing to dissuade them from going hog wild on their marriage spending, either, so it got...uh. Exorbitantly Expensive. As in, the grand total could probably buy the entire fucking MOON sort of expensive. (It's fine, don't worry, Bill's good enough at crime to be able to afford it.) Also, because the logic of this AU is mostly dictated by Rule of Funny, the Love God's powers are close to unlimited when it comes to matters of romance, but ONLY when it comes to matters of romance. (Like weddings!)

Want an empty human vessel to smash the soul of a triangle into for date nights or when it's convenient, or perhaps even when it's NOT convenient? Easy peasy! Want the marriage to be recognized in every corner of the multiverse from now until the end of time, thus making any potential future divorce nigh-on impossible? Can do! Want to buy an entire beach for the ceremony and honeymoon and in general, and totally not at all because it would be Super Hilarious to prevent any specific movies from being made on that very same beach in the future? Fine, whatever, it's not his finances he's ruining!

Does the Love God also provide special rings that just so happen to turn incorporeal as long as the "happy couple" doesn't remember that they barged into his dreams to bully him into presiding over their marriage? ...No comment!

He spends the next thirty years trying and failing to get in touch with either of them for payment. This is why you should always demand half the money up front, my guy!

Also it's absolutely a traditional Jewish wedding, because I like the idea of Bill demanding all the keepsakes from the marriage that he paid for, and being completely confused when one of the things he's handed is a fancy container full of broken glass. He gets it later, but in the moment, he thinks the Love God is just fucking with him some more.

Ramble over! Here's the full dress that caused the comic to happen, along with what Ford wound up wearing at the wedding (and begrudgingly agreeing to put on again later for Reasons), aaaaand also a close-up of Bill's ring:

I may have forgotten to draw Bill's hair floofier when drawing the back of the dress, lmao

Since double ring ceremonies have been leaking over into Jewish wedding customs for a while now, Ford also has a ring, but his is the much more traditional plain gold band. There's definitely a message engraved on the inside - embarrassing, cringe, or incriminating somehow - but I haven't decided what it is yet, so use your imagination for now. XD Bill, on the other hand, saw the phrase 'traditional plain gold band' and said "No Thank You" before proceeding to embellish his ring to his liking. And because he's a secret sap who adores Ford's extra fingers, the triangle points add up to twelve, as do the engraved stars. Yes, they're stars, not dots, I just got lazy. There's also six lashes on the eye gem, and probably an eye engraving on the inside with another six lashes. (Bill's got it BAD, okay? We all know this.)

Here are the initial scribbles of Bill's custom vessel in more casual attire, please ignore the wonky anatomy and the fact that I flat out refuse to ever draw him with a proper top hat:

He does actually need a cane in this vessel; since Bill tends to possess men and especially Ford more often than not, he's used to having a higher center of gravity when in a human body, so his ability to balance is pretty garbage. (He may or may not topple over with concerning regularity.) As for his empty eye socket, his bangs don't do much to hide it since he's so high-energy (dude is constantly on the move), and he also refuses to wear a patch over it, because 1.) why bother, and 2.) it's more fun to freak people out.

To better align with Ford's attraction towards the strange, the vessel was designed with super minor shapeshifting ability - Bill can look like a perfectly normal human, but he can also make the teeth and fingers sharper whenever he likes (which is mostly just when he's angry or being more of a menace than usual), as well as slit down the pupils or outright ditch the irises altogether. He can also have whatever he wants in the downstairs department, just because I'm an indecisive bitch on that front, lmao. Maybe he can have boobs if he wants them, too, but I ain't drawin' tits on no triangle, nuh-uh, no sir. His powers are otherwise limited down to what humans can do, because for some reason, the Love God doesn't trust Bill to not snap into Immediate Apocalypse Mode if he's given a physical form that's actually all his and no one else's.

Due to the body being all his and no one else's, it's also not really a standard possession so much as it is just...Bill being temporarily human. He's a lot more aware of and in tune with his human body's senses than he ever was with his "puppets", which makes things like pain a lot more intense. (He is mostly fine with this, because he's a fukken masochist.)

A bit more fashion stuff, including beach and party attire~

The beach outfit was mostly me trying and failing to nail down his body shape, which is still not bottom-heavy enough. I then decided to slap a bikini on it, before making it supremely unsexy with a pair of fugly shorts, because Bill's fashion choices are not allowed to be conventionally attractive. Meanwhile, the party outfit was mostly me looking at the casual attire I designed, asking 'how would Bill make this Worse', and then drawing the result. The mismatched thigh-highs are killing me inside! :D

No, his vessel can't actually summon fire, I just drew it for funzies before I decided on said vessel's limitations. Yes, the gold brick tattoos are absolutely a reference to the fic 'Knowing Me, Knowing You' - I simply could not resist.

I also HAD to draw Bill in one of his canonical(?) shirts, just made tank-top'd:

He is absolutely about to over-correct and fall backwards after this. USE YOUR CANE, GOOFBALL!!! (I meant to draw Bill closer to this degree of bottom-heavy in the other images, but. Alas. I am bad at anatomy, LOL)

And, last but not least before More Comic Time, I attempted to draw him closer to Gravity Falls style:

Jury's out on whether or not I succeeded, but - hey. I tried. Now have some Handyman Bill AU, but with my goofy human design, instead:

Hey, it's a 'mystery snack', and the guy wanted A BITE to eat - the joke was right there, guys!!! (Based on this post, because it just screamed BILL CIPHER to me.)

whoops i forgor bills ring and cracks ahaha too late now

I WILL SHUT UP AND STOP RAMBLING NOW K THX BYYYYYE

[madmanwonder]

(Ask, Crossover, Funny Bad Flirt) Goten towards Rias.

Goten: If being tempted by a devil is wrong. Then I don't want to be right *Wink at Rias*

Rias: *Snorted-Laughter* That got to be the dumbest pick up line I ever heard from you *Grabbed his arms*

Goten: *Grin* It may be dumb. But it working quite well for me~

[eluriart]

Flirting Contest

[START] - Next

Killer belongs to rahafwabas

Cross belongs to jakei