#term so you don’t make people feel bad by not remembering even tho like that one post says foregting isn’t a moral thing

[yappingmil]

I should get some more of my mutuals over to this blog so its not just either go into drafts like im just talking to the air, or basically just a one on one with cici (and kiwi, hi kiwi). also google how to get better at conversations

[starnana7]

every time I remember that the hit show supernatural made God, the literal God from the Bible, canonically bisexual but couldn’t do the same with a random guy who hunts monsters it actually makes me feel physically ill.. like blasphemy is okay but we draw the line at making the main character a little bit queer because it would “upset the heterosexuals men”? okay ig… and it’s so funny to me that they tried SO bad to make dean like really really straight and macho and a manly womanizer (I mean dude has literal porn brain and is obsessed with cars and is a film nerd) And still is the number 1 bissexual boy.. I mean no one that into cowboys is 100% straight 🙄 and if they actually wanted him to be that much of a cishet guy WHY would they make him have a codependent homosexual friendship with his best friend for more than a decade ?? and we have so much subtext to corroborates it that it’s actually insane.

and it’s also rlly funny to me that sam would be the most obvious choice for a queer storyline. like i’m not sure this is true but i heard somewhere that he actually was supposed to like be lgbt and that it’s implied in the show he’s pan bc he basically have sex w/ everyone and doesn’t care (like monsters and stuff). i wholeheartedly disagree bc sure he hited a demon and a werewolf and a kitsune and God knows what more But it still were just women and for me he’s still just straight 💀 we do have gabriel however and i would say that’s a valid argument but i don’t actually like them together because of the whole torturing-sam-every-tuesday-over-and-over-again but it’s still a good take ig. again this is just my opinion But anyways doesn’t matter my point Is that sam always felt like a freak and wanted to be normal and like was more open minded and “less-macho-toxic-behavior” than dean. he was a theater kid and talked about his feelings and all. STILL THO dean went and become The bissexual icon (Not Sam, Dean!!). and the fact that he was more manly actually only emphasized to his sexuality (and him being closeted) and sam being the straight one, and bare with me here. as sam winchester once wisely said “well you are kind of butch they probably think you're compinsating.” (to dean asking why people always assumed they were gay) and like this is so true, sam always felt comfortable in himself and like his nerdier and less cool strong man personality. But dean, oh, dean, no, no, no. and it could all be linked to john. we know how much dean wanted to gain his father approval and respect, all he ever wanted was for john to be proud of him. so he’d listen to the same music as john, same clothes… and so on. but when we really see a glance of him, we realize he’s actually much more “““girly””” (sorry for the term i lacked a better one) than he shows, Especially when compared to sam—who’s supposed to be the more girly one (again sorry for the term lol) or whatever. dean canonically likes taylor swift, chick flick films, actually liked when a woman made him wear underwear, the bailarinas shoe were “speaking to him” in that one ep of cursed objects, and so on. and every time he makes fun of sam for doing something not-manly-enough (like drinking lemon water or drinking from tiny coups) he eventually goes and do the same thing 😭 and i’m 100% sure that the writers just thought “haha funny scene this really straight deadly man does something not so convencional/more feminine(?) haha comedy relief time!!” but it actually just made him have a whole perfect queer background developed in the series. specially with the fact that He Does Overcompensate. why is he always flirting with women, why is he so butch and scary, always talking about straight sex and so on? because he’s really just deep in the closet. and it makes so much sense with john being his father, with him having to hunt two lesbians nuns in his 17 bday, always having to be strong and macho and cool and perfect—and therefore straight. even without cas, dean really does immaculate the bissexual experience and i’m so sorry but this is just true.

and now pointing to the subtext that i mentioned in the first paragraph (lol i can’t believe i’m making a whole rant as to why dean winchester is a confirmed bisexual), that whole confession to that priest where he says he wants experience new feelings, new people, FOR THE FIRST TIME. that always that the show mentioned a gay couple it ALWAYS focused on dean—not sam, DEAN. the gay hunters, the gay couple on the bar that the cupid “made”, the two cosplayers partners… the fact that every time that dean liked something it was borderline fangirl (gay) obsessive (the dr. sexy episode, that wrestler fighter). he Had a gay thing—and was all flustered about it. he flirted with a guy throughout charlie. THE MALE SIREN. the male siren like after that ep i was 100% convinced that man was not straight. he had a hot demon sumer with crowley?!!! and it’s so funny to me that not one of these things involves castiel, so if they really wanted to make dean be that straight why would they do that?? and only to dean, not even once to sam. Like. and not to mention all the homoeretic tension with benny??? sam never had a male best friend like that.. all of that and i didn’t even entered on destiel. Because this then really just confirms that he is Not straight. even if he wasn’t In Love with cas, they had something going on and the fact that if cas was a girl it would 100% be canon and filmed and Everyone would ship—and I really mean everyone—it just makes me go fucking insane. they could’ve had it all. the fanfic episodes, the parallels between dean and cas and “real couples”, ruby and cas duality and the fact that sam indeed had a relationship w/ her. Anyway i’m a # bi dean truth believer and i know this bc same boy # happy pride month to my fav bissexual boy in the whole world

also to anyone that says that “destiel” was unrequited love yes it kinda of was but only bc dean was so deep in the closet, he did love cas. he was indeed a bissexual man. i’ll die on that hill.

[ofmermaidstories]

Bad day for nosy people who need to know what old fandom is 👀👀

lmao, i’m trying to talk myself out of it so that i don’t turn my current WIP list upside down on itself but. 🥹 i fear it has very powerful claws. 🦞 i’ve been mulling over like, why it ([Old Fandom]) is so attractive to me right now and i think it’s a combination of a few things!! like, one is the fact that i never originally left it by choice—real life kinda forced me away from my hobbies, and by the time i could circle back again, the fandom had died (i find it really interesting that so many modern fandoms don’t have staying power, but that’s a different discussion) and i was interested in different things. but now it’s seeing a revival and i’m remembering how much i loved it and how i never really… got closure for it, LOL, as silly as that sounds. 🥹 i never finished any of my ideas. 🥺 i went back into my old account actually, like a couple of weeks ago, and went through my fic drafts i had at the time and it—idk. i guess it just made me nostalgic. 🥹 it’s different, tonally, to what we do here in the bnha/x reader niche!! and it makes me itchy. 🥹😩 god!! so itchy. i wanna dig my fingers into it and move things around. dig it up from the garden. perform necromancy on the lover that doesn’t even know they’re dead, and blinks and finds themselves sitting in the same old kitchen with a cup of coffee in their hand. 🥹🥹🥹 i’m better equipped now—i know how to keep myself interested in long-term projects, how to finish them and, most importantly, what i like.

there’s a lot of stuff i like to write that i just don’t, here in our niche. either because it doesn’t fit in with the bnha world or just doesn’t like… suit the x reader POV. and that’s on me LOL, a better (or maybe more determined) writer could make all those things work, but part of what i like about bnha and x reader and [old fandom] is that they’re distinct—they all feel different. i wrote a lot before i got here!! i wrote so much. i wrote so much that i like, kinda burnt myself out on it LMAOO. there were tropes i liked and settings and tricks i used all the time that after a while they got boring to me. 🥹 and now after a million years of doing something different, i’ve realised—oh. i really liked all that. 🥹 i really like it, still.

idk!! idk. part of not naming the fandom is also because i haven’t decided if i wanna jump back in or not lmao. do i do it, knowing it’ll slow everything up even more? we tell ourselves all the time here in fandom circles that it’s just fanfic/fanart! you’re here to have fun! if it gets hard or boring or you wanna try something new—drop it! do it! you don’t owe anybody anything!! which is all very true yes sure. except i, me, mermie, want to finish things. i want the satisfaction of finishing the IAL series. im actually very proud of the fics, and while i know i will finish shouto’s (barring being kidnapped by pirates or aliens or death himself ig 💀), i also know im a slow writer, and that letting myself deviate off path into a completely different fandom will make me slower. 🥹 so idk. i guess ive just been ruminating on fiddly details like that LOL. also i don’t have a solid plot in mind yet (even tho i have a general gist of what i want) so that’s also probably the main leash rn LMAOOO. tbh if i get one im going in swinging, fist first, so let’s all hope that i remain idealess on that front lest the demons take me. 🥹🙏🏽

[siromany]

Maybe Jin Kusanagi for the ask meme (if you’re still doing them)?

Okay so try very hard not to imagine a rantsona while scream about this, it's gonna be long dfgkfkghfghgffjghj

Why I like them/why I don’t

Okay so I have a very complicated relationship with Vrains, and to me it has many a sins, and one that drives me insane is Jin. I'm gonna be real right now, he's not a character. He is at best a plot point, but he's given ZERO agency. He's been here since season 1 and it drives me nuts just how like he's treated by the series. He's mainly just a motivation for Kusanagi and Yusaku at that point of the story, where the only on screen moments we get of him are flashes of him in emotional coma sitting in the corner of the room. Watching this series as it came it probably has also influenced my ire with this whole thing bc I had been hoping when season 2 came out, he'd be an incorporated character since it was seemed slowly we were getting more access to the lost incident kids. First episode of season 2. Less than five minutes IF NOT THREE of screen-time. He has no dialogue lines. FRIDGED AGAIN. I just kind of took it at the time bc I had been hoping maybe some time later in the season he'd be like, more there! However the next time we get to see him they made him literally just walking furniture. You could replace him with a coat rack and it would make no difference. He is ONCE AGAIN a goal and NOT a character!!! He's not even mentally present for those appearances either it's just a display of him, so playing the angle emotional torture for the characters is just one-sided. I do gotta say tho when Lightning brings him out during his and Ryoken's duel it's kind of a cruel hilarity of the concept of like, imagine you got coma'd by a funky light being, and now you're awake again seeing people argue whether or not to kill you. It's fucked!!! Honestly I liked that part but the hindsight of his character treatment makes it more fucked up in not the fun way. Often times when ranting about him to my friends who listen to me talk about yugioh, I comment on how Jin basically gets the same done dirty treatment as many girl yugioh characters. Diversity win!!! Even the guy gets fridged!!! None of them deserve that. I think honestly for me tho one of the biggest last straws was that they like, gave him a fucking digital lobotomy!!! "Sorry we broke this guy so bad we gotta hard reset him because writing some sort of recovery would be too hard." THERE IS SO MANY. TERRIBLE LONG TERM IMPLICATIONS OF DELETING THAT MEMORY. It really opens up way too many tragic doors than closes them!!! He was the most mentally affected of the six of them, even if the primary event is gone he still spent ten years suffering mentally and emotionally! Now he has that with no core memory attached as to why he was like that! If that part was deleted too then wouldn't the gap of time in his memories be fucking distressing??? Also the fact that even if he can't remember it, Kusanagi has to live the knowledge and memories of everything that went down and now he can't even open up to him about how he felt and what he was going through! Jin is just done so dirty in this series, and I feel so so bitter about him. I was really hoping he would be able to be a proper character bc I really like his design and season 1's handling of trauma was done pretty well, and I was excited for how they were going to handle his! I am booboo the fool. Also side note but literally like the Japanese VA for him literally gets more dialogue lines as THE OTHER SIDE CHARACTERS HE PLAYS than he does Jin!!!

What I like about their appearance

I love his emo bangs and I will forever be salty they took it from him in the end. Also I think one can enjoy his dead eye'd stare (very evocative of Bruno to me) He's got the depression sweats, but I would prefer if he wore socks or something but I think he gets a pass for what he went through. I think his Lightning faction outfit is kind of cool, he gets priest-y wizard robes, but I cannot genuinely enjoy that version of him.

Do I prefer their dub names or original names?

His last name will always be Kusanagi to me

OTP

There is just not enough in canon to make me even wanna approach that topic (the AU is a completely different territory tho)

NOTP

DO NOT SHIP HIM WITH HIS BROTHER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

OT3

same reason as OTP

Favourite card they use

I'm actually not that big fan of the Armatos Legio deck alas

Favourite moment they were in

Every moment he is on screen I am filled with pain and anger and the desire of what could have been. Actually it's Lightning sitting on his shoulder shit talking the duels happening to him while he's just got that dead stare. They could have been the bitchiest duo in another life honestly.

Least favourite moment

The digital lobotomy. Hindsight moment is probs when he's the censored avatar HE'S THERE HE'S RIGHT THERE ORUGHRGHRHGHRGHGRHHHHH honestly it would have been fucking funny if they slapped the filter back on him after the reveal it makes no difference. Actually you know what the lifting of the collar over his mouth to signify him losing even less (of what little) agency he has left kind of just serves as that anyway.

[overtake]

i would like to share opinions!! and to say sorry ppl in your inbox are. insane. for some reason.

i mostly agree with you lmao but also!!! part of being a fan is being able to say "that makes sense it was the right decision" and also "THAT DECISION SUCKS FUCK THEM" at the same time...... i feel that balance is what makes being a sports fan so interesting

HOWEVER that being said there is a part of me that thinks this could end up being a really bad idea from a sporting perspective and i want to share. let me preface tho with the fact that i really Do Not Like james vowles. every time i see him it makes me remember his time on mercedes and i get heated. so i'm seeing this decision less charitably than others might

ok basically i would agree with the decision to have alex drive more if it looked in the practices like williams had a good chance of making points but uh. they didn't. and also alex has crashed at that corner twice from driver error which does not make me confident in him on this circuit

the issue for me is that in one fell swoop williams has potentially destroyed logan for the rest of the season (depending on his mental fortitude), told logan he's a placeholder, and put alex in a situation where if he doesn't drag the williams to points this weekend there will be a LOT of scrutiny on them. ultimately i understand it was the right decision it just has the unique combo of being insanely unfair from an emotional perspective AND solidifying team issues pretty handily AND having soooooo much that could go wrong that it's almost too stressful to engage with jfkldsfjsadklf

Yeah this perspective 100% makes sense and I appreciate hearing it! I think the fear about alex crashing out two years in a row is legitimately founded given how much everyone is struggling this weekend. But logan also had a moment in practice that probably didn’t help lend them faith, especially given his general issues with crashing (which makes sense, he was a rookie, but if they don’t have full faith in either driver to come out unscathed, it makes more sense to trust your more experienced and less generally crash-y driver). Especially because so far, points seem like they will be extra scarce for the bottom 5 teams this season, where a driver finishes might be an important tiebreaker at the end of the season if the backmarkers are equal - so even if alex doesn’t get points, he does finish further ahead than logan and you need your strongest driver out there to maximize where you finish.

My initial reaction was also a lot of “goddamn that sucks that he’s being punished for alex’s mistake” but i sat with it for a minute and it made a lot of sense, so i came to terms with it (i’m not his fan though, so obviously that’s a lot easier for me than for the people rooting for logan). Hopefully this all works out for the best, but it will be very interesting to see how it all plays out, because yeah if alex does crash, it’s going to bring in a shitstorm (even though we’ll never know how it wouldve gone with logan in the car).

[dangermousie]

More 2ha reread

It’s so interesting to see Mo Ran’s understanding in the past life try to work around the edges of the curse - not noticing inconsistencies in his own views which are blatant but the curse does not allow him to notice - for example, Mo Ran 1.0 remembers how TXJ even wondered at the contrast of how CWN was good to strangers and random people but so cold to his students; and the curse prevented him from thinking about this seeming inconsistency (even more inconsistent since the only two people MR would have thought he was bad to was him and Shi Mei since he knew (rightly) that CWN cared for Xue Meng.) The curse literally prevented someone as quick as he is to even wonder about why and how this was. It’s like his remembering thinking CWN was the last piece of warmth in his cold world when he was TXJ and he does not think why he thinks that of his enemy, why he thinks that his greatest joys and strongest emotions in past life were from CWN and not Shi Mei or conquest or whatever. You can tell he is beginning to snap out of it when he is wondering how he can lust after someone he hates so much - that’s because you don’t hate him!

Perhaps the most telling inconsistency is his thinking that he did three unforgivable things towards CWN in the original timeline and one of them was marriage (tho we don’t know that yet if we are reading for the first time) and he thinks of marrying CWN as the most gratifying thing in his life- marrying not defeating or fucking. (And he also feels guilt  for this and that the price was too high for making CWN kneel - once again, because he is waking up.)

One of the joys of a reread is watching the curse slowly lose its potency and Mo Ran regain not just more and more of himself in terms of feelings, but ability to reason. It’s like he’s waking up. He wants to make CWN angry and he does not know why (I know - because he wants attention!), his first reaction on seeing CWN asleep in a pile of his inventions is pity (and only later he remembers to gloat). He is “wow cool!” when CWN shatters a cursed tablet and a little later finds himself thinking CWN’s voice is pleasant to listen to now that he’s not filled with rage at the thought of him. It’s like watching someone detox! At one point, when MR watches the sniveling merchant family without feeling moved, the Russian translation says that the reason he is not moved is “Mo Ran was deprived of the feeling of pity” and that is basically a Russian phrase to say someone is lacking in that feeling but it struck me how accurate it actually is - because Mo Ran WAS deprived of the feeling of pity or any other warm and good feeling and only now they are slowly coming on line. 

But also, as a rereader, the cracks in Shi Mei’s perfect facade appear so clearly. For example, look at Shi Mei bringing wontons to MR after the whipping. If he truly was caring and wanted to reconcile, he’d tell Mo Ran who made the wontons instead of not only keeping it quiet but also trying to cause more trouble “oh teacher was too harsh on you” SHUT UP DUDE!

Speaking of Shi Mei - I still remember being so sad at the wonton revelation and thinking “if only Mo Ran knew in the beginning, things would be different” but the real tragedy is due to the curse it wouldn’t have made a damn lick of difference. If he knew, the curse would just have made him forget it. (Also, in your face Shi Mei, who constantly keeps prodding whether MR prefers the wontons or other stuff Shi Mei actually makes himself and MR always says wontons. Even MR’s tastebuds are devoted (Side note - did you notice that when MR is cleaning CWN’s library, he notices two cookbooks and they are both about Sechuan cooking - so spicy spicy spicy not what CWN himself likes - I nearly screamed because he clearly has them so he’d know how to cook wontons!) Btw, so grimly amused at SM trying to come up with excuses as to why he can’t randomly make wontons for MR, that’s because you don’t make them, liar!) 

It’s like the kiss in the mist - Mo Ran devours “Shi Mei” only to discover it’s CWN and you know, his body knew even when his soul didn’t because it’s clear only CWN evokes this mad desire in him. At one point, MR thinks that he does not feel desire for Shi Mei because he’s such a pure person but that’s the thing - MR is not asexual, he’s a strongly physical person so he cannot really love someone without desiring them and this is a huge red flag of how this is all fake.

So much of it reads so differently - Mo Ran thinking he is so grateful to Shi Mei for being the only one who does not despise his rough manners and habits and past when we know that Shi Mei loathes him and looks down on him and CWN is the one who truly does not care about any of it but cares about MR deeply. So much of this story is about seeming vs reality - even the seemingly random side quests deal with this - the seemingly respectable merchant family who are murderers and thieves, the seemingly perfect Rufeng sect that is anything but, the seemingly weak and gentle Shi Mei who is neither, etc etc etc. What people present themselves as and what they actually are is quite different. In a way, Mo Ran 1.0′s whole persona plays into this. Meatbun is so skillful about it - when you first read the book, between the continuous mentions that he used to be evil tyrant TXJ and Mo Ran’s own gonzo thoughts, what ends up hidden in plain sight is that except for Mo Ran robbing the hooker in the very beginning (when he is most under influence of the curse and just got TXJ memories to boot), he does not do anything whatsoever that is outside the realm of a slightly acting out teenager. I mean, drawling x-rated sketches in CWN’s unused books? Not being cuddling to crying strangers? (But still continuing with the mission to help.) LIKE THE KID DOES NOTHING BAD A GRUMPY TEEN WOULDN’T DO!

Not related, but the scene near the beginning where CWN eats alone and MR either is smug about that or one time he eats with him annoys him on purpose is so different from the latter scene where he sits and eats with him every day but also makes sure he eats well (one of my favorite sequences tbh).

[dragonmistressivy]

Anyone want to burn down my school for me? /hj. School is hell and is fucking killing me. It will be my death. All the strees every single teacher puts on me. All the strees my parents put on me to fo well and mad at me for never having any extracurriculars. All of the thoughts destroying me from the inside out. The world falling apart and I don’t have the skills personal money to escape this hellhole. I sm scared snd streesed out 24/7. No wonder my physical gealth is starting to fail. I don’t have the wnergy to take care of myself snd i hate it. I don’t have anything in the real world. It is all pointless to me. Also i hate all the jokes my parents have made about judt plugging me and my brother into the matrix because we are addicted to the internet(as tho it isn’t their fault) and because we have no lives(as tho that also isn’t their fault and our bio mom’s given we have both definitely gotten secersl of our mental issues from her). Parents once made a “joke” about taking us out back and just killing us because we don’t want to live in the real world. Totslly what you say to your heavily depressed kids who at least one of them is suicidal(me) and would absolutely adore that. My parents suck. Also I don’t feel safe at school. Yet another three people i know for certain i can’t trudt and are evil given they were talking about have gender affriming care should be illegal(surprised they used the correct term given what they were saying) i was just sitting there like wtf. I am scared. Also two of those three girls sit at the same table as me in marketing do yet another reason to hate and fear that class. I fucking hate that class. It causes me to completely freeze and break down because of the assignments revealing some of my weaknesses which no one can be allowed to know especially given how many people are openly evil and i am a easy target. I widh i could drop the class but i missed the absolute deadline(the fucking literal 3rd day of school. I didn’t wven know the syllabuses for any of my classes but one by then) to drop classes because i was sick. I am dying because of school. I also have no energy to actually do anything outside of school besides bed rot and hide in my room and sleep most of the day because of everything. Thanks parents for fucking emotionally neglecting me for do long that you didn’t notice that i had so many fucking issues that could have been prevented or treated like 5 or 6 or 7 or maybe 8 years ago. Suvh as putting me on anxiety meds since like first grade. I should have been on them since then because it was do bad then and has only gotten worse since. Or maybe antidepressants since like 7th or 8th grade because it was there then but didn’t get extremely bad until 9th grade and 10th grade where it completely nose dived into the ground and has been boring through the ground even farther down since. I am broken because of them ignoring me and my problems pr even making them worse. Like that one time in i think was it 2nd grade where carter(my brother) had been harassing snd bullying me since we woke up and the whole day until i finally snapped at him in the evening and completely blew up and threw several chess pieces at him and missed and hit the window and cabinet glass behind him and shattered them. I got my ass beat for that with a belt multiple times. And wasn’t allowed to go to the fair that night and got several of my plushies taken from me. Carter’s only punishment was not going to the fair for litwrslly bullying me all day. I learned to completely hide everything from my parents. Also the fact carter wouldn’t get in trouble for even like for example getting one of his close friends to kick a soccer ball straight at my head and breaking my nose.(just one of the many many many things Carter did. I just remember it so clearly unlike most of elementary) Carter didl got receive any punishment. And you know whst my parents epuld tell me every time when he would bully me? They would tell me to just ignore him because he will stop if i do that.

I don’t know if they never deslth with bullies or not but that is notvhow you get a bully to stop. That only makes them worse because they will instead of doing badic stuff to get you to completely explode the will do more and more extreme stuff until you do. Also no wonder i have anger issues and barely don’t explode at anyone for the slightest thing. I was suffering from several mental issues snd was constantly without stop made fun of and harassed and the people who i was supposed to protect me did nothing and actually made it worse. Some things carter would do all the time are make fun of my speech impediment, the way i walk, the way i move my arms, the way my face looks, everything about the way i look, call me things like fag or tranny and all the slurs under the sun he knew even if they made no since like calling me the n word(i am the palest you can probably get do it made no sense), sexually harassing me, and raping me a few times as kids, and so much fucking more. I need him to have a fate worse than death Maybe lock in sydrome without the ability to close his eyes andhave everyone think he is in a coma, or maybe to get tons of brain damage that omly affects his physical ability to fo stuff do he finally fucking know what it is like to be fucking disabled. I fucking hate his guys and want him to feel pain for everything he has done to not just me but all his gfs and his current bf. He is a monster. I hope he gets his karma soon.

I hate how i can’t trust anyone especially authority figures for already mentioned reasons and many other ones such as for example my 2nd grade teacher would pretend i didn’t exist when i was literally talking to her or her not stopping bullies when i was being bullied right in front of her, or my third and fourth grade typing class teachers for getting so fucking mad at me for not using both hands to type(as tho i could because i can’t use my right hand or things like that) and literally coming over and forcibly correcting me, the fact that the best of my teachers in elementary(being my 5th grade teacher) was still very weird and purposely made me stick out from all my other students by literally changing her whole curriculum that year just because of me or like when we read “wonder” as a class she would basically say hiw i am simplar to august(the protagonist of that book) who is in fact disabled but in such s fucking different way that it just make me feel worse and internalize self hate about how i am not disabled enough to be treated as equals to everyone but too disabled to be like everyone else. So many people basically treated me like a baby that year i hated it. Another example from that year was when we read “fresk the mighty”(good book) why did she have to constantly point out how i was disabled. Also one more thing she did was on my birthday she literally have a massive party about august from “wonder” I don’t even share a birthday with him do it was so fucking creepy and i was do called out. There is so much more from judt my fifth grade class but at least wasn’t bullied that year tho was mostly ignored and isolated from my peers but at least no bullying like 2nd, third, and fourth grade there was do much that happened in those three years. Also i hate how much of 6th grade i missed because i had surgery on my right foot to find a lot of issues caused by it. Unfortunately the surgical site didn’t heal and almost got infected and that caused recovery from taking a like 2 maybe 3 months at most to around 6 or 7 months and only went back from like the last 3 months with taking a lot of time off because of recovery. That isolated me a lot more from everyone. Then i had seventh grade where nothing really happened besides isolated more. Then there was 8th grade where the pandemic started that march so was completely shut off from the world without being able to talk to literally anyone and was so alone and my grades started to slip and depression started to nose dive. But 9th grade was worse for do many reasons including me getting covid(still can’t taste or smell that well but the taste is slowly coming back now) and everyobe having changed including the few friends i had either them literally becoming fucking evil like one called me for having cp(not cerebral paldy) whwn i explained i had cerebral palsy and he knew i didn’t have the other thing but wanted to get me in trouble all because i was different and not like him. He was like the nicest person in 8th grade so who knows what happened but he became insanely ablest and sexist. Also i then hung out with a group of misfits(with two of them being trans and one being bi but somehow didn’t realize i was trans yet) but lose contact with all three of them over the summer. Then in 10th grade i made a friend. He was the nicest person to me ever and i also got a phone that year so i got his number and actually talked yo him outside school. He was so nice to me. But for some reason as soon as school ended he completely abandoned me and definitely blocked my number. No idea why. There was no reason why he completely abandoned me. Probably one of his other friends told him to. I mean he was friends with one of carter’s exes(she luckily broke up with carter after like 2 or 3 weeks once she realized how evil carter is). Also realized i was trans that year and he was the first person i came out to(wasn’t the reason he abandoned me given that was months and months before he did)

Then last year was completely alone and had nothing but at least could listen to music almost day and ignore the world as best i could. I have finally broken completely and have no way to ignore it like can’t even listen to music at school even during individual working time. I am so done

I am just so exhausted and done with life but unfortunately can’t kill myself to end it

[moonrisecoeur]

hey there!! i’m attempting to post this content for like the seventh time now and i’m just annoyed more than anything. this post will be the content warning for it and i’ll just post it separately as kind of like a long blurb thing. sorry i was trying to be cute but i suppose tumblr hates me <3

here’s a link to take you to the actual fic <3

a/n: this text is a collection of my thoughts while i was at work yesterday about leon having a yandere partner. this isn’t really like a coherent story, just a bunch of rambles and thoughts. i don’t think i did the term yandere justice tho lol. more notes at the end of the tags!

word count: 2.8k

content: sub!leon x yandere!reader. no pronouns for reader, no body parts described, everyone wants leon, mentions of bondage and body writing. less about sub!leon and more leon grappling with what to do with his obsessed lover.

warnings: blood, reader killing 2+ random unnamed people, toxic relationship dynamic (reader is loving and kind to him but it’s still really bad), dubcon (he wants it but he’s a little hesitant with the whole murder thing)

this is just a reminder that abuse in any form is not okay. just because you’re not hitting your partner or verbally degrading them does not mean you’re not abusing them.

this text describes the reader as violent and cruel to other people, and if we forget what they do to others, their relationship’s power dynamic with leon is completely skewed. the reader makes him believe they are the only one who will love him and care for him when he has flashbacks to traumatic memories. additionally, they isolate him from the other people in his life. again, this is not flashy, in-your-face abusive. but is important to recognize that this fact really does not matter. abuse is abuse.

when the reader is the active character performing acts of abuse or nonconsent in fantasy scenarios, we have a responsibility as adults choosing to consume this type of media to recognize reality from fiction and remind ourselves this is not how you approach relationships in real life, even more so than when the reader is the passive character having things done to themselves. it is okay to enjoy this concept as a fantasy (i had fun writing it! so i hope you enjoy it!) but do remember it is not real and should not be real.

this post contains no glaringly obvious non consent, there is no struggle nor force and no influence of drugs or alcohol, but i thought i’d touch on it anyway. there’s a moment of dubiousness as leon is hesitant to ‘give in’ because the reader just killed two people. obviously, i don’t advise or endorse murder. what i’m getting at though is that leon or anyone in that position could feel like they didn’t have a choice but to do what the other person says out of fear. that breaks the ‘freely given’ pillar of consent and automatically means it’s not consensual. your and others consent in real life should be respected and abided by at all times.

thank u for reading u are so sweet for doing so <3

[dreamtydraw]

hi there!! so I was recently looking for visual novels to occupy my time with, and I came across 21 questions, so I played it. and I loved it. so I played tulipe. and I liked that one a lot too. then I checked out your social media and I was really curious about the ✨️paranormal club lore✨️, so I just played all of them-

I didn't realize it when I was playing the game, but I've seen a lot of your our life art here on tumblr and I can't get over how pretty it is! even when it's just doodles that you do for fun, I still really like your style cause you make everyone look so nice. even if you're just drawing clem in a clown suit, we still love that

I don’t usually draw anymore because even though I used to like it, I feel like I lack all motivation to do it now, but seeing your art is really giving me inspiration to pick up a paper and a pencil and start drawing again :D

I personally share your love for visual novels, and I enjoy replaying yours because they're honestly so nice. I guess I just like seeing the way the story progresses and how relatable the characters feel, especially as a non-binary person who struggles to see themselves represented in games. plus I just like the voice acting in 21 questions

if I'm honest, even if it wasn't my usual genre of romance, night shift was a good play as well, especially for your first game! I can feel the inspiration from horror games and I love those types of things sm. I get why you'd wanna go back and redo it someday, but I think especially in terms of the plot and characters, it had a captivating plot and it was well written... françoise betrayed us tho rip

also this isn't about the games but from what I've seen, it honestly feels like you're a really nice person who happens to be really talented and so you deserve really nice things. even if you haven't been getting them until now, I hope you do start because you deserve it!! I like reading your visual novel rambles bc I agree with a lot of stuff, just me nodding my head in agreement like I wouldn't look crazy if anyone saw me. and it feels nice to see that people still talk about fictif stories to this day cause god they've been collecting dust 😭 I miss those days where I'd be so excited whenever an update was announced... guess I'll never get my rime route now :(

lastly, I just wanna say that I love clem sm. they're literally so cool but still so adorable and I wanna give them all the love and affection. I want us to bake together and then paint each other's nails 💅

and this question has been keeping me awake at night so I just have to ask, I know that at the end of the game he said we'd keep in contact like aurore and her partner, but would they let mc just. follow them to London while he does his thing? there's no point in being in France without your blond french, and I've always wanted to move to an english speaking place anyways... clem can put me in their suitcase, I'll be good 🫶

thank you for listening to my silly rambles, I hope you're having a good day and if not, I really hope it gets better! remember to take care of yourself and take breaks whenever you need them, you're only human so you aren't always gonna be perfect, but at least you know you always try your best even if things don't go the way you want them to <3

Anon whoever you are I love you and I really wish you a wonderful day I started sobbing a bit too hard and now my eyes kinda hurt a bit but your message makes me feel a lot of things and I’m really grateful for such kindness. I’m fucking crying on my poor plushies cause I don’t have tissue, they are all wet and miserable 😭😭😭😭 Words trully can’t explain how much this message means to me, like, this is the kind of message that i’ll keep in my phone gallery to look at when i feel sad and it’s just so sweet and it rassure all the bad things I think about myself so I’m very emotional. It’s 2 am and I had a very long day so I physically and emotionally don’t handle it well but i promise it’s / pos i’m just blabling incoherent thoughts just to say thank you so much and I’m glad you enjoy what I create and I’m glad you draw again and I hope you find joy in making stuff you like + you get soft and cold pillow at night and warm meals in winter anon.

Now i am so sad to spread bad news BUT…. The canon ending of 21 questions is the platonic ending. 21q happens in 2019, Clem move to London in 2021 and ( spoiler alert ) will be spotted in Apple bag which takes place in 2022. Clem’s character and story haven’t entirely been revealed in his game for reasons that I’ll hopefully share in a futur but it’s for the same reasons that realistically… the relationship in 21q is destined to end with distance.

BUT that not the end if you imagine a future with Clem. If your intention is to romance them then there is an open window for the timeline where he’s a bit older. When exactly ? I won’t spoil but all I have to say is that this relationship can work on long term ! It’s just a good person, wrong moment situation and once you know everything about him, then his romance options become more real :}

Mystic talk sorry, like i said i just had an emotional breakdown and it’s late so i will shut my mouth and go to sleep ! Once again thank you so much for your kind words an hopefully you’ll like what I plan to release in the future. Tons of love ❤️

[masespace]

wednesday | 22 october

anyone else have a twin sister go on what has to be a fake date with the guy they were just seeing? nope… just me… that’s what i thought.

in other news i left the cheerios. this was harder than leaving the new directions. probably because it was at least successful for me and i’ve been cheering since before i could walk. i don’t have any conscious memories that don’t involve cheering in some way? whether it’s camps before i was really old enough to handle sleep away camps. or learning all the best way to keep my shoes white… i can even remember the routine sue made us do at tryouts freshman year. i think it’s easier to excuse what she does because she gets results. if schue’s lessons were traumatizing and i needed to step back it only felt like i was lying to myself by sticking around. i didn’t think i’d have the balls to do it though. even walking into sue’s office in regular clothes i though she’d look at me and i’d make up some excuse. it’s silly that this is the bravest thing i’ve ever done, but it definitely feels like it.

of course it blew up in my face. the part about trying to figure out who you are is the questioning. i get that i’ve been quitting a lot lately but is that some mystery cry for help? i didn’t think that it would be so apparently this is just added to the list of things i did wrong.

mads i should have expected… that was a given. not that i was exactly in any mood to talk with her about it. maybe it’s petty… not maybe, it definitely was… and at some point i’ll have to own up to that… but it feels like i’m supposed to be the bigger person

even addie was pressed… which yeah, i’m sure it sucked hearing about it at practice but i don’t control how sue distributes information… and i probably owe her an apology too… even tho it’s not like she reached out when dave was in his weirdo phase with me and they're like besties… more on that in a second because it’s sort of why i should be the bigger person… i get that we were teammates and we went to breadstix last week, but she just got here and she’s acted like i dropped her during a stunt and totally wrecked our chances. the guys are great, we just did a bootcamp and didn’t really need to do any corrections… not that it matters because i’m not on the team, but they’ll be just fine without me there to do my tumbling passes.

speaking of dave… i think we’re okay? i told him we were okay… as okay as we can be given that apparently he’s been talking about me with everyone. and i said we were fine so it’s hypocritical to be mad at addie or even him because you can’t just tell people that you’ve moved on and then be petty but it’s a journal and it can’t count if no one else is ever gonna know.. right?

anyway, we’re okay… i think. mostly.

it’s just easier….

this is part of the problem maybe. i want the confrontation, but the aftermath is never fun. i don’t think that dave really meant to hurt me. we both said stuff… but it’s a high school relationship, y’know?

was a high school relationship.

i don’t think we’ll ever get back to the way we were, but keeping the peace feels like what you’re supposed to do. it’s what i want to do. at least for now. i’m pretty sure that he’s still hung up on me? i’ve been trying to make it clear that us being on speaking terms doesn’t mean we’ll be on kissing terms. i genuinely don’t think he’s a bad guy… at least for the stuff he did to me. maybe it’s just easier to think that he’s not malicious enough for that. i know he was a bully before, but i also know he doesn’t want to be that way now. you can’t change over night and extending grace is the right thing, right? 

i know sometimes that can’t be possible in every situation, but i think it could be now. i’ve already said it could be, so there’s no taking it back. and my eyes are open now. 

being out with dave might have been the first step in really being me. not the version of me that i thought everyone wanted. everyone at school knowing that i’m some flavor of queer and a weirdo that doesn’t care if boyfriend has other partners was freeing in a way that’s hard to put back in a bottle. maybe too freeing… but i also know what it’s like to hurt in a way that i didn’t before. so it wasn’t all bad? if i learned something? 

things aren’t entirely hopeless. freddie hasn’t given up on me. and i told him i’d be the hockey team manager so maybe i’ll have something else to do in my free time other than annoy spencer every morning. i don’t know if the team even needs a manager person, i’ll need to talk to adrián about that when it’s a more reasonable hour, i’m sure he’s still celebrating his birthday anyway and we aren’t close enough to slide into his dms this late and not have it be weird…

though with me i think things turning weird is almost inevitable. i can’t call myself cursed because i’m pretty sure the universe isn’t the one setting me up. maybe it’s self sabotage…

people think that this quitting streak i’ve been on could sabotage my college chances… yale always felt like a longshot and while carnegie, nyu, and u of m have marginally better odds they could be longshots too. i don’t think we’ve sunk low enough that i won’t cut it at ohio state, but maybe that won’t happen…

i never really considered what it would mean to not go to college. i was always going to go. i was going to be a collegiate cheerleader, major in something as impractical as theatre, and then make it in new york. it’s not exactly a career path you have to have a college degree in. plenty of social media darlings have managed to get their foot in the door, but that’s not me… i would have had to have stepped up my social media game ages ago to think that could be me. at this rate i’d just be another person juggling a collection of minimum wage jobs telling myself that the next audition would be the one… praying that raw talent would edge out people that have honed their skills at some of the best programs in the country. i know from experience not to bet on that… but what if that’s all i have to bet…

it a little early to be getting this fatalistic when i still have weeks before my early decision applications are due and weeks more until i’d even find out if i could get out of ohio… it’s just that for the first time it feels like i’m confronting this distinct possibility for the first time and i don’t like the way it sounds.

maybe freddie made a good point about a life of impractical wet short contests.

i think i have to stop while i’m ahead here… i’m not going to unspiral myself while continuing down this rabbit hole and i doubt future me is going to care about any of this. going to get some sleep before i’m even crankier than usual when spencer swings by in the morning.

mm

[weightlessisthenewblack]

do u think u can give me tips on how to fast? i’m always w ppl so someone will point out if i haven’t eaten yet and it’s also hard to keep going sometimes. do u have tips on how to feel full or on what to tell ppl so they don’t worry?

I did not mean for this to get as long as it is, i like to talk im sorry 😅

I totally know how you feel! Fasting can be pretty hard for me too, especially because almost everyone in my life knows i have problems with food.

If you are just starting to fast i would start with small goals and work your way up. I started at about 14 hours, and then worked my way up to around 48. And remember sleeping at night counts! I like to start a fast later in the day so when i wake up the next morning i got a good chunk of hours done without even trying.

Distractions are also essential for me. I play a lot of videogames, and i picked up crocheting to keep my hands busy on down days when im just watching tv. Find things you like to do that keep your mind off it, and keeps your hands occupied so you dont feel the urge tor each for a snack or something. Reading, going for a walk, pick up a new hobby if you want! Theres loads to do to keep you distracted. Im making a sweater for my dad thats taking up a lot of my time :)

To curb hunger pangs, it can be hard to ignore for sure, my version of fasting isn't dry fasting or water fasting tho. I find those kinds incredibly difficult to do. I liquid fast with sugar free or zero calorie drinks. When im working i make sure to have a monster ultra zero sugar, and any combination of tea, water with a no calorie flavouring, or zero cal sodas, i like pepsi zero. Fizzy drinks can help trick the stomach into thinking its full because its bubbly. Drink lots of water too! The more water you drink the more full you feel. If you happen to like black coffee that works too, since its works as an appetite suppressant. It gets easier after the first night. Sometimes if its really bad I'll allow myself to chew some sugar free gum and that usually helps curb the hunger a bit too.

And of course if at any point you feel like you are going to pass out please PLEASE break your fast and eat something. Even a granola bar or something, to get your blood sugar levels up. The last thing you want is passing out from lack of food.

Excuses can be hard depending on your circumstances. I happen to work in food service so i often use the excuse i ate at work. If you are working or in school you can use the same excuse with people at home. And at work or school you can say you had a big breakfast at home or you are having a big dinner! If you aren't doing either, excuses can defs become even harder, but i find just saying im not really hungry at the moment tends to work fine w my boyfriend and family. Otherwise you can try:

Saying you feel a little nauseated and dont want to risk getting sick

You have a toothache

Your jaw is hurting for whatever reason

You are budgeting and cant afford to go out for food right now

Saying you want to try intermittent fasting for your health

If the people you are with are open minded for lack of a better word you could say your doing a x amount of days juice cleanse. My sister did one a while ago and everyone supported it, even though its essentially just liquid fasting for 3 days.

Or you could be straight up! Do a little research into the benefits of long term fasting! Then you can just say you are fasting for a while bc of all the good health benefits.

I hope this helps a little bit, and of course id prefer you to seek recovery options, but there are a lot of health benefits to fasting that i wholly support! And if you are going to fast id rather try to help you do it in a way that makes you feel accomplished for succeeding and in a healthy way. Take vitamins, and dont skip any medications you have. If they require to be taken with food then do that, dont put your health at risk taking medication without food :(

Stay safe love, and listen to your body 💕

[tim-hoe-wan]

Balenciaga definitely crossed the line. I think that these advertisements are inappropriate, and even disgusting. I hope that this backlash prevents the fashion houses from using children in their ads ever again. I feel like all of parties involved were fully aware of these documents. Thought I highly doubt that they predicted that it will reach the general public, and more importantly that the right-wings conspiracy theorists “journalists” will accuse them of being part of a paedophile gang and that they will be taken seriously by the Twitter / Instagram / Fashion folks. I think that they wanted to be that name of everyone’s lips as they always do tho they haven’t thought it through this time. Since they’re so out of touch they also had no idea that most people feel sensitive and want to protect kids.

Also It looks so ridiculous when their representatives claim that it wasn’t the idea of Demma and that all of these highers up at Balenciaga/Kering didn’t know about it so they’re suing the set designer of this ad, only to put a blame on someone (who isn’t even decisive or important). As if Balenciaga isn’t know for their provocations. Cowards. If they want to be soooo edgy they should bear the consequences. Especially after they’ve been showing in our throats for years how edgy, transgressive and provocative they’re. Which proves me once again that Demma and his collaborators lost a touch with reality a while ago. I’ve always thought that he’s just a desperate man who is selling hoodies, bags and jackets while making models look sick and drugged cause he wants to present some ass weird apocalyptic visions at his fashion shows to convince everyone that he’s that visionary artist. I feel like many influential celebs/people etc. put him on a pedestal without any criticism so they’re partially guilty in some sense in my eyes.

As for Lotta I knew that they will come for her one day. She’s too successful. Agree some of her Instagram posts are weird however half of shit which is posted on that thread about her which gained around 60k likes on Twitter is made up. Ex. the girl in a red dress with two babies is not her and Lotta actually doesn’t work for Balenciaga since 2019 as far as I know.

Also I think that Kering should have a better pr team. I think that it’s a bad sign that people are associating his name with a cruel head of a big devil corporation. I don’t claim that he isn’t one and I don’t feel sorry for him. However he fumbled a bag big time from a business point of view since people now who he’s.

That’s my thoughts :)

Fashion labels doing this shit always make me feel conflicted cause sometimes I want to react, but my friends who work in the industry have all talked about how labels and their creative directors totally love pulling the shock value card to give them attention. So reacting and giving the brand clout is definitely what they want you to do. The rationale is half a classic pr move, and half of it being their argument that artist is all about provocation and how much they can push it to the limit. With Demma, I feel he’s definitely at his wits end in how to get Balenciaga to keep up with other high fashion labels but at the same time doubles down when things become negative.

I know Balenciaga is considered within the world’s hottest brand right now, but I think what Demma is doing and what Alessandro did for Gucci in terms of overall impact will be pretty short lived. I can’t remember the last time these two brands put out something that I feel will become a classic and stay beyond the short lifetime of fashion in the influencer era. They’re no Tom Ford Gucci and John Galliano Dior for sure so the constant either shock value or teaming up with hypebeast brands always feel shallow and a last ditch attempt to do something iconic.

[zzencat]

Hiiii

Initial -sh. Emoji 🤗 ( well I don't remember exactly to be honest)

Q- can I know about my career in which field I will be working

I love your pacs I think I sent that message in the previous ask

what’s good SH!!!! idk if you were an anon when you sent that in? maybe i answered it way back then (memory kinda doodoo rn) but i appreciate your love fam 😎👊 i hope you find some clarity in this. thanks for waiting!!

first and foremost tho, before i get into your reading, i just wanna say that you shouldn’t give up. believe in yourself a bit more, even when it feels lonely at times. ESPECIALLY in a time like this. (i got some extra info from your cards like 15 mins later and for the sake of privacy i won’t say it explicitly. but i’ll send crazy good energy your way 👊🔥) i also would recommend that you don’t dwell on negative thoughts too much, esp from the past or from your surroundings, and to try out more…selective hearing. it’s a term id learned while studying graphology, but it’s essentially choosing you want to listen to and filter out who you don’t. you don’t need that extra negativity weighing out the only light that you hold left in your soul. also, don’t let other people make decisions for you!! half, if not all, of our dreams are crushed by other people, or maybe it was hard to have one in the first place. i’ve picked up a lot of stagnancy and pessimism on your side, a lot of overthinking the same things and maybe adding a few perks to them, the cycle of rumination, thinking about the lows and how ungreen the grass is when you should be just as happy as everyone else! why can’t you have that too? it’s a bit unfair, isn’t it? with your current energy atm, you’ll have to charge through. a simple job would do—it really doesn’t have to make all that much. there’s a focus on expectations here…and wanting more. but i want you to focus solely on what YOU want. whatever brings you satisfaction and reignites your fire is the one your highest self would push you towards. if you’re unhappy with your situation, what are you gonna do about it? this is for you: “is that all you can do?”

also there’s a scene in a barbie movie (idk if you’re familiar w it, but i’ll mention it)…i think it’s the princess charm school one(?) but Barbie’s name is Blair in the movie, and she says something like… “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” and that line sticks out to me so much bc it’s so true. that even applies to ourselves. the mind is a very dangerous thing, but we have to train it, learn its language, and let the negative energy go.

AND LASTLY, i have no doubts for your future tbh. it says you HAD everything you need, which is past tense, so either you’re feeling hopeless and lacking the spiritual will for it, or you’re missing ingredients to cook the stew. but something creative would also do you nicely! you could make a hobby out of it if you already don’t engage in anything…artful(?)

some more advice for you: let go of toxic beliefs, don’t sink into hopelessness, and you are not alone. set higher standards for yourself and those around you. extra: separation from a place, thing, or person gives you XP for growth points to the game of life! don’t give up because of some losses here and there. there’s nowhere to go but up from here! don’t reminisce on the bad.

[ofmermaidstories]

I completely agree and think it's unfair that the fandom continues to demand perfection from Hori; especially when 'perfection' can be a loosely coined term depending on what it is each of these whingers want to see before the series ends. I think that with all works of art, meaning (and in this instance, interractions between characters) are interpretted based on the individuals shaped life experiences. I read a post somewhere that perhaps the lack of filler episodes contributes to all this complaining, because we don't get to see the little side stories between such and such characters, or a more indepth delve into certain side characters backstories. But tbh you're damned if you do, you're damned if you dont. I remember how much shit Kishimoto copped for all the fillers, despite how much (arguable) richness and depth it provided for the relationships between characters. Even if it was just an extra silly little story.

Theres no real point to this message, just wanted to chime in with my 2c.

Hope you're having a great weekend 🫶

you’re so right though, because what would make MHA a “perfect” story? i whinge all the time about like, there being no real consequences, or Hori sliding past the emotional beats he sets up—but if there were serious, hurtful consequences (beyond the villains dying), and Hori did hit those beats, MHA on the whole would be a completely different story LMAO. Like—it’s just so fascinating! We don’t get like, “filler” chapters really, where we get to see more of the kids’ relationships with each other—but Hori then like, shoves them into other moments? like random panels. he mixes the kids up, shows them strewn about the dorms and the school in a variety of different groups. Kiri, Bakugou and Iida visiting Shouto in his room, for example, before Big Fight #102. Bakusquad and Dekusquad are fun fandom things, but Hori’s always like… taken great pains to show that Class-A is a clump, that intermingle among themselves. The fandom loves to bear down on Mineta—“mineta minrou is expelled from UA high school” and “shinsou hitoshi replaces mineta minrou” are the two first tags that auto suggest, for mineta, on ao3—but he’s very much apart of the crew!!! Like, I would argue that he seems to consider himself great mates with like, Deku lmao, at least!! I think if anything, Hori has been hamstringed by the weekly nature of the updates. He has so much to shove in, and a lot of stuff gets left out. And while the kids relationships to each other is like, one of the core tenants of MHA, I personally don’t believe Hori is the kind of writer that wants to give them a beach episode, lmao. 🥹 and i agree, i think that throws a lot of fans off!! people seem to really want like, MHA slice-of-life stuff but…. idk, it’s never been a story about that. 💀 it really is a case of damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don’t, tho. 💀💀 part of me is like, oh, this ending feels a little rushed… 🥺 but then the other part of me is like boy, pump out that last panel and run. 💀 LMAOOOO. idk idk idk. i really liked 429—this second-last chapter—because i thought it was sweet. 🥺 i have absolutely no guesses for the final chapter—for the end of this story. and tbh i kinda like it that way? it could be good, it could be bad. i personally hope that it leaves me feeling like it’s a “perfect” ending for right now—for wherever we leave Deku and the MHA world. That it gives them both—character and universe—space to breathe, and grow beyond the final panels. Like… leaving a friend’s house after a rowdy lunch, maybe? You’ve got other things to do, some errands, maybe someone else to meet, and your friends have shoo’d you away from the dishes but when you leave you can hear them laughing behind the door, with someone else who’s taken the tea towel to dry ‘em.

[061801]

joel dying has changed my life and so far it hasn’t been in good ways. It’s made me a little more gentle and has started to make me think twice about saying things like I hope someone dies because I see the impact it makes on friends and family and I wouldn’t wish that on anybody, not even my biggest enemy. As if everything didn’t already remind me of you, it sure does now. Everything. Literally everything. Don’t get me started on being in the east end. The amount of times we went downtown. Hell the dinner my boyfriend and I when to last night reminded me of you because we sat in the exact booth I sat with you at last. Every time I see a Cadillac, a song about drinking whiskey, certain rap songs that you showed me, even just the colour red will always make me think of you. The brand Tommy Hilfiger because at one point you literally refused to wear anything if it wasn’t Tommy. When I’m in the east end I see little Caesar’s where we started talking right next to our high school, the park where we would chill, the villages where your dad lives and where Michael lived and we would go hangout. We also walked your dog diamond together. We smoked a bucket with Lucas and Michael too right before your mom picked us up. A&W when your mom owned it and you got your first job. Whenever I was hungry we would go there and get food. Going down central road I remember you working at central stamping and my apartment was down the road so you were able to sleep in longer staying at my house. In the west end I think of being at your moms and you teaching me how to skateboard (I didn’t ever actually learn lol), we got ice cream at buskers, I had dinner at your moms house and we walked over to fireworks, kirils house, for some reason we hung out on the train tracks before I got to see my mom for the first time in 2 or 3 years and we smoked the absolute worst rolled joints ever lol.

I’m really sad you’re gone :( I’m really sad that we weren’t on good terms when you passed. Sometimes I think it may be for the best though because I could’ve been the one to find you like that, I could’ve been included, and if we were talking at the time and this happened I don’t think I would’ve been able to live with myself. So I am at least grateful there was a bit of a disconnect between us because the pain I feel already is unbearable. It’s also really hard sometimes because I’ll get bad dreams of us fighting, or unfortunately I’ll remember some things he’s done or said during fights and I feel really upset. I wish we had had a conversation after our last fight. Even though I’m totally in the right for how I felt that night.

The condition my mental health was in when you came into my life was destroyed and I feel like I loved you even more than a healthy person should because I was basically trying to replace my parents and siblings with you. I had nothing, and you and your mom showed me fun things like going out to your trailer which reminds me, leamington and camp grounds in general now remind me of you too because I have never went camping with anybody else. I’ve had a very black and white life with nothing much to it and him and his family gave me some of the first feelings of true happiness I’ve ever felt in my life. I’ve never been able to let go of it. So as toxic as it was to be with him, I get extremely defensive when people ask me why I care so much? It’s insulting. It feels like it at least. Normally I’m able to convince myself in a few months or even a year from now I’ll be out of this situation. But this I will simply never get over. We dated for like 8 months and i never got over it, that was 8 years ago. I’m willing to admit I have some mental issues so that plays into why I was so determined to try and make it work but towards the end I had disconnected from him the most I ever had before because I was just over putting in 1000% for someone who would just go betray me shortly after. To say I was over him tho? lol as if. A week or 2 prior there was a Joel on our reservations at work and I had to find out if it was you because I got nervous. It wasn’t and even tho I didn’t wanna see you on a date with someone else I did kind of want to look at you while you sat there. Point being as much of a roller coaster it was being with him, I could never get enough of it.

[toehwa6]

I’m crying I’m dreaming I’m running

Im running AWAY

Im running AWAY

Im running AWAY

Where oh where will I go

Imagine going somewhere where it always felt good

Would it really be that good without the bad

I learned I’m not a hedonist the other day. Turns out I’m an idiot lol

I def have hedonistic tendencies like with drugs and cumming and stuff, but I’m much too reserved and long term goal oriented

Even the updated shit just seems fucking stupid

Of course I’m trying to remember their arguments but unfortunately I’m also stupid

But the whole idea of everything is about pleasure is fucking stupid

Oh I think I remember

Instead of getting turnt %100 of the time, you should enjoy life’s “good” qualities

Like good wine and stories and conversations between all your stupid fucking friends

Cynics are fucking stupid too I guess I’m a stoic which sucks because if I say that it’ll sound like I’m sucking my own dick and or balls

How bout this bitch I’m hearing about has to blow this guy that hates her and he’s like when you blow me I need you to put all of my cock and both balls in your mouth

And I’m not fucking joking she was like yeah I really don’t like it but it’s what he wants

You gotta do, what you gotta do

But like dawg how is that even good it has to be like a humiliation/domination thing

I got my dick sucked real good recently. Was fucking TOP

Came from a bj for the first time ever. I thought I was IMMUNE

Do I feel better? I don’t think so

I honestly think I’m getting too high

Unfortunately right hehehe

I wouldn’t stop talking about Valium to my therapist today

He’s like why are you getting a new ortho? Besides more Valium

And I was like

Unfortunately, that is why I’m getting a new doctor

Actually fuck that I’m getting a new doctor because the one I’ve had forever totally FUCKED me he FUCKED me so FUCKING HARD

I HAVE TO LEARN ABOUT MY BACK PROBLEMS FROM PT PEOPLE AND YOUTUBE VIDEOS ??

FUCKING KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKED ME YOU FUCKED ME HOLY SHIT

3 FUCKING YEARS

WASTED. REGRESSION. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS

FUCK YOU, FUCK AHN, FUCK YOU MAKING ME THINK YOU WERE MY FRIEND AND CARES

YOURE NOTHING BUT MONEY TO THESE FUCKING PEOPLE

THEY DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU

STAMP AND GET THE FUCK OUT HERES SOME PILLS IF YOU NEED THEM SEE YOU IN SIX MONTHS

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

IM FUCKED

MY LIFE IS OVER

I HATE BEING ALIVE FUCK FUCK FUCK

At least you won’t be in a wheelchair

At least you get to see your family

At least you get to follow your fucking dreams

GO HOME AND RELAX

LEAVE WORK AT WORK

WHO GIVES A FUCK IF YOURE RUINING LIVES

YOURE NOTHING BUT CANCER

Cancercancercanerparasiteparasiteparasite

Fuck AHN fuck doctors fuck that asshole that assaulted my fucking gf on her trip

I fucking hate EVERYONE

I wish could FUCKING DIE

I HATE BEING ALIVE

LISTEN TO ME SCREAM

LISTEN TO MY CRIES

AM I HUMAN BEING

OR SOMEONE MADE OF LIES

IMLYINGIMLYINGIMLYING

TOEVERYONEEVERYONEEVERYONE

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

Hit or miss

I guess they never miss huh

Can’t wait to lose 30 pounds so I can cosplay and wear a fucking dress finally

Can’t wait to fucking feel pretty

Tiffany shit only goes so far for feeling pretty

It definitely makes me feel pretty when I look at it tho

I fucking hate myself