#tends to happen a lot now
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Magically cute payjay vision and evil tacomic vision
#payjay#tacomic#fanbulb#yinyang ii#candle ii#silver spoon ii#microphone ii#mic ii#taco ii#paper ii#oj ii#lightbulb ii#fan ii#inanimate insanity#taco did something bad at the hotel accidentally and is begging for mics forgiveness#tends to happen a lot now#candles weed and dnd nights#quigart
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the lovers, reversed
(aka I'm still freaking out about Jou)
#art#ride kamens#i am about to go off on wild speculation so excuse me in advance#I HAVEN'T PLAYED THE EVENT YET so this could all be just absolutely nothing but i gotta get it out#(still debating if i wanna save the event for after i finish part 2 or not...)#this is my last chance to throw wacky theories out there okay#i've just. been thinking a lot about the riders the characters are based on and how they relate to their different classes#like the choices seemed SO random when they were first revealed but they do mostly make sense when you think about it#to the point where i actually do feel like i should've been able to call ooo for ambition. damnit.#however i did always feel like jou was a bit of an outlier and now i'm wondering if that's gonna be like...a thing#idk man just the fact that he's gonna have a special double card and bond henshin with taiten is nuts to me#especially since we're clearly on the verge of SOMETHING happening with soun and uryuu#what does it mean. WHAT DOES IT MEAN#what does this mean for the future of tower emblem#and it hasn't escaped me that there is no class associated with evolution (YET)#and thinking about who jou is based on i'm just like#(waves hands) YOU KNOW?!#(plus i'm still like WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR RUI AND HAYATE but that's a separate thing)#i'm gonna try and take my time and not rush through part 2 but i also am SO impatient#i gotta knooooow#given the way my predictions tend to go though i'm either 100% accidentally right about the dumbest thing#or jou is fine but leon fucking dies or something and i'm gonna throw my phone into a lake#HAVE FUN GUYS I GUESS
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noticed that a lot of kross/criller is people trying to put cross in the role that color canonically takes
#i really enjoy cross and killer in underverse. while they Are a bit ooc i loved 0.6#i think they would have this sort of subtle mutual understanding#but it just. wouldbt go past that#”same hat” type deal#theyre strangers to each other and that just. wont change#their paths dont cross (lmao) like that. you know ?#now putting them together anyway IS my guilty pleasure#but they tend to become caricatures of themselves when they are#which happens to a LOT of ships in this fandom but i digress#utmv#undertale au#cross sans#killer sans#fauxfan
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Me: *tries to see what the Queen fans on TikTok have to say*
*Jim hate*
*”facts” that may or not be actually true*
*”Freddie Mercury was bisexual-“*
*Using Barbara Valentin as evidence*
*thinking things that happened in the movie actually happened irl*
*general misinformation about everyone and everything*
Me: aaaaand back to Tumblr I go
(open tags at your own risk, there’s a whole essay in there)
#Why are Tumblr Queen fans the only sane ones like what happened#Coincidentally this is also how reading a lot of articles about them and their history tend to go#When did we stop looking at the primary sources like how did some of these disconnects grow so large#Freddie was just gay. YES he was out. YES he stated it publicly (he was still coy sometimes I will give you that)#No he didn’t know he had AIDS before Live Aid. Yes Jim was his major long term partner.#No the little people with trays of coke on their heads story isn’t true. No Freddie most likely didn’t take Princess Diana to a gay bar#No Roger didn’t accidentally give a fan a sex tape (there is a nugget of evidence that a tape was leaked but if so it didn’t happen like th#He locked himself in a TAPE CLOSET not a cupboard (this one doesn’t annoy me as much as the rest)#No Freddie was not ✨involved✨ with Barbara Valentin#No Love of My Life is not about Mary in the way people think it is#RESEARCH PLEASE I AM BEGGING#IT’S NOT EVEN THAT HARD TO FIND SOME OF THAT STUFF#ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A JOURNALIST LIKE LOOK AT THE PRIMARY SOURCES INSTEAD OF CONFIRMATION BIASING BY LOOKING AT ARTICLES#FROM OTHER JOURNALISTS WHO ALSO DID WHAT YOU’RE DOING#REEEAAADDDD#It’s not even annoying because it’s about a topic I like it’s just literally the unimaginable gap between truth and reality#that is SO EASY TO BRIDGE AND YET. LIKE HOW IS IT THIS BIG OF A PROBLEM WHAT HAPPENED#I have written a novel in these tags so I’ll stop yapping now but GOD it grinds my gears#queen#queen band#roger taylor#roger meddows taylor#brian may#sir brian may#freddie mercury#john deacon#Tiktok#queen fans
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*gently opens the door, then kicks it the rest of the way open as dramatically as possible*
Mario normally being fully verbal but going nonverbal when his PTSD flares up so part of the reason he struggles to tell his loved ones when he’s struggling is because he physically *can’t* and this is a new development and he’s embarrassed so he just. Hides until it’s over and then pretends it never happened because he’s fucking terrible at balancing his pride and his coping mechanisms
This is now canon to my ‘verse.
#not quite back yet! but I had to write that down lest I forget it#I tend to go nonverbal when deeply upset so it’s based on a true story#being in retail means I’ve had to teach myself to force past it and keep talking anyway but it’s still challenging#(thankfully since moving from retail to tourism it doesn’t happen nearly as often and I can get space when I’m upset!)#before that if something triggered a nonverbal spell then I couldn’t talk for anywhere from several minutes to a couple of days#actually I still have a lot of moments where I go nonverbal and I’m just now coming to terms with that#because while I usually CAN still talk it’s extremely uncomfortable and draining#ALL THAT TO SAY#I am once again projecting onto my boy ��#peaches has opinions
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My ability to calm people down in record time will never not be funny to me, useful skill to have in social work for sure
#don't mind me I feel like shit tonight so I'm forcing myself to think about something positive#no but for real#it happened again yesterday#alone in a room full of (rightfully) angry people#I talked to them for 2 minutes and boom everyone was chill and relaxed#this keeps happening#turns out when you treat other people like humans things tend to go a lot better#shocking#me from 10 years ago would NOT believe this#I've changed so much these past few years#not necessarily in good but#at least I got this#I'm a kinder person#and that's nice#chosing kindness when life has given you nothing but shit to be mad about#chosing kindness despite the shit I've been through#breaking that cycle of abuse and being a positive force in people's lives#now that's punk as fuck#✌️#nekro yapping
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the thing about me is that the process of waiting for a new ep is relatively new for me... i watched the pilot when it came out like everyone else did but at the time i was too focused on a different show to really care (one, which is funny, since its an extremely similar show conceptually) (i highly recommend it i was obsessed w it for well over a year and thats like. genuinely some sort of record for me. and when i say the shows are similar i mean soooo similar. not enough that they fill the same spot in my heart but like. if you watch it ull see what i mean heart emoji). i was around when the teaser came out but i wasnt super invested at the time. it was only like 2 months ago that i decided to get high and watch the show and i was like. woah. woah wait this show fucks
ive liked shows n stuff that were ongoing so its not like im unfamiliar w that concept but i feel like every show and its community and its team has a different feeling and cycles to new parts of it coming out. and bc ive never seen how that works for this show im very excited to find out... i find older posts abt teasers and images from episodes and the site and whatnot and i imagine ill be weird and very not normal about it! because that tends to be my response to those sorts of things
#hell i watched it all AFTER even the qna happened#so i really havent been around for like. Anything#well i guess that ad. that was cool!!!#but like yea.... i wasnt around for a lot of things and its weird to think about w how invested i am abt the show now LOL#ftr i love the pilot btw i think when it came out i just had diff priorities. and also the humor overwhelmed me a little#its very unabashed about itself. its not ironic in any capacity and is extremely sincere and just has Fun w the humor aspect#and i think im still working thru my own issues in regards to letting myself be sillier and stuff and i kinda projected that onto the show.#but!! Now I Know#even w the pilot i actually didnt know about literally any glitch shows before it so i had zero context for it though#i wish id watched it sooner but also its a classic henry move to get obsessed w something well aafter its been established#well theres been a few exceptions over the yrs.... but i tend to find things after theyre done#or after a bunch of cool shits already happened so i never had the experience of being part of the community when that was happening#it does make it silly i got into the show after ep 4 aired because thats basically the last ep to be relevant to the teaser#i mean theres the stadium but. waves hand. we dont even know abt npcs for that. if therell be any#(6 ppl IS small for a softball/baseball team im p sure... maybe theyll fill out the teams w them? idk)#either way! im excited to see what the experience of gradually learning abt an upcoming ep and then it comes out#is gonna feel like for this show!!!#i wont be normal about it!!! and i think i should let myself be a little less normal about things. cus its fun and freeing#anyway thats all these tags are soooooo long... im just in a bit of an excitable mood rn!!#smiles and grins!
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so, like... do you think Sorata is actually pushing to swap the main couple in AnS to Obi and Shirayuki? I know that being in this corner of the fandom imparts some bias and that ships don't have to be canon to be good, but Shirayuki and Zen have seen each other, what, twice in the past 50 chapters? It doesn't really seem like she's terribly interested in maintaining their dynamic.
It has been forever since I had the chance to dig into my asks, so let the record show, this ask came to me pre-ch 136, and I'm glad I sat on it because I think I would have given a much more equivocal response in August, and now I'm like:
Sorata did not give us 28 pages of Obi feelings for me to doubt her now 🤣
#asks#obiyuki#ans#listen could it still be zen & shirayuki in the end? absolutely#sorata is a great visual storyteller and I feel like even if that's the case#i'll be happy with how she leads me there even if I wanted obiyuki in the end#but like...she literally had every reason to keep zen there and then sent him away anyway#after he literally engineered this meeting between them#zen & shirayuki haven't been getting development like this either. like most of their story happened in the first 20 chapters#and every step forward they have Shirayuki tends to put a stop on a few seconds in#they haven't done FEELINGS stuff in so long. and meanwhile we're getting this big arc#of obi learning he has worth. that he has something to give her that isn't acting as Zen's tool or her bodyguard#like. the REUNION. the calling each other home. the date with canon tomomi where shirayuki (and zen) freak out over#shirayuki stopping to tell him that he looks good in firelight and following it up with how he's the reason#that she had the courage to stay at lilias. THE WHOLE FAKE DATING ARC. and now this???#we're getting a much bigger story with them. and as we've seen with mistuhide/kiki/hisame#she is looking not for easy ships but the story to get them there#could this still just be her developing an important platonic relationship? sure. but there's been a LOT of focus#on Obi's feelings for that to be the case#so WE'LL SEE
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favourite twdg villain?
I'm a fond enjoyer of the St. John's as villains. I don't know if they're my favorite just because they're only in one episode, but I love the concept of this family almost immediately jumping into cannibalism toward the start of the outbreak, dealing in human flesh to bandits, and casually feeding this group their friend's legs.
Like... what the hell was this family like before the outbreak that all three of them were like, "Hey now listen... nothing should go to waste, the dead are eating people so why shouldn't we? We gotta survive and in our defense, we only target those who were gonna die anyway... like y'all."
Dude, Mark was shot in this shoulder with an arrow. He wasn't going to die from that injury. It's so fucked that these seemingly friendly people took the group into their home and then fed them Mark's legs.
If we take the idea that everyone is infected and have the capacity within themselves to become walkers, to become monsters, then the St. John's were infected long before the outbreak, y'know? Not literally, but something was wrong with them and the outbreak just further spread that infection and changed them.
But again, are they my favorite? I dunno if I can say that since I have a lot more appreciation for Lily now. Yeah, some of her writing gets a little wonky in ep3 of TFS when she goes on her monologues and shit, but y'know what? I'm into it.
You have to remember who we're talking about and the fact that she's the antagonist; Lily isn't some anti-hero in TFS who secretly has a heart of gold that's brought to light because she reunited with Clementine... she's a fucked up woman who did fucked up things in the name of survival. She's full of rot now. She sees kidnapping children and turning them into soldiers to protect her home as a means to an end, but she doesn't actually give a shit about the people she's taking. They aren't people to her, they're as the episode title suggests, toys in her game. The only one she sees as a person is Clementine, and while that makes her hesitate at first, she sees Clementine's a prize to bring back.
She remembers what happened in S1; her father had a heart attack and as she tried to save him, Kenny smashed his face in with a saltlick and then expected Lily to just stand up and help him get back to his family because "he did what he had to, he made the hard choice." Yes, Larry was a piece of shit. No one liked him, and you can even question Lily on him and she'll tell you that he has a lot of pain. Yes, it makes him an asshole, but he's still her dad and he's all she has. I mean... the simplification is daddy issues, but in all seriousness, I don't doubt for a second that many of Lily's issues stem from Larry being a shitty father to her.
Then everyone thought she was losing it when she insisted there was a traitor in the group, which she was right about, but she was unstable. She was unwell, but how do you help someone like that when you don't have training to go about it? Then Lily ends up killing either Carley or Doug and the group turns on her, and either she's left behind or she steals the van and runs away.
Then we don't know what the hell happened to her until we see her again in TFS, but like... a lone woman with decay festering inside of her joining the delta? Exposing her to their methods? I mean, what else did she have to lose? She had nothing, she lost everything, and she has a lot of issues. Survival is easy when you're numb, when you don't care about the individual; they're all just cogs churning to make the system run, and if a piece doesn't cooperate, you get rid of it and find a new one.
Plus I think there's something to say about Lily not wanting to be perceived as weak again. That whole display she put on in the cells? Telling the story of what happened to Minerva and Sophie? I get the criticism that it feels like Lily did a 180 between episodes but like... yeah dude, because it's a performance. It's not just her and Clementine anymore. It's a display of power and authority. She's playing the part and thriving in it as she ensures everyone else is terrified of her.
But then when Clementine and AJ get the upper hand? Again, she's not afraid to play up the pleading to earn enough sympathy to spare her- hell, just to let their guard down enough to strike and get the upper hand again. I mean, she's got nothing else to lose, right? If she doesn't go for it, she'll be killed and sure, you can kill her anyway but at least she tried.
Honestly, I look at Lily in TFS and still see that scared little girl playing the tough bitch, just like Carley said in S1. It's just now escalated from "tough bitch" to a downright vile person. She's so... lost? I suppose? Lost within herself and the monstrous means she's taken to survive.
I get the criticisms of how she was used in TFS, but for me, it's like when people complain about Minerva not getting the redemption arc she supposedly should've gotten, y'know? There's no saving her. Lily was never on our side, and there was no getting her on our side. She wasn't ever going to redeem herself. Even if you spare her and she drifts away on her raft, can someone like her actually find redemption? Or will she just find another group that'll feed into her rot?
Truly, I say let her be horrid. Let her be the piece of shit villain with a few fleeting moments of humanity. Let her drown in the blood she's spilled.
#asks#twdg lily#twdg andy st john#twdg danny st john#twdg brenda st john#twdg clementine#twdg minerva#twdg mark#twdg larry#twdg kenny#i know i used to complain about lily in tfs a lot years ago but past cj complained about everything tbh sksksks#now i'm just like babe lily's interesting as shit like not every villain needs a redemption arc just because you think they're hot#and don't wanna feel bad or because you want her to be like she was in s1 when she was sympathetic like... it's been years#that's like being mad that clementine isn't the same person as she was in s1... the difference is we got to see clementine grow#but what happened to lily is a mystery... but that doesn't mean she didn't change especially for the worst#i dunno sometimes i look at lady antagonists in media and then look at people's reactions and i'm like.......... hmmmm#c'mon now- if kenny came back in tfs the same exact way then y'all would be foaming at the mouth insisting he's complex#and morally grey and he's just really sad about his family dying and really he's a sad widdle meow meow but also the best villain#who should be spared because he always cared about clementine and aj and he's just traumatized and sad and amazing unlike OTHERS#like.................... okay sure mmhmmmm#side note but the worst thing about kenny is the fact that he IS a brilliantly written character but his stans tend to just be the worst#anyway i like lily she's a great tfs antagonist like i recognize there are some weak spots and i wish she has more of a presence in ep4#if she lived but y'know... gotta make room for minerva being the final bridge boss so... yeah
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Wait I just assumed you were ace because you had an ace pfp for forever and now that you don't I am realizing that maybe I made an incorrect assumption and should just ask.
I also thought you were aro from something you said or other and that I think was on firmer ground but maybe I'll double check that too.
My point is, aspec check?
(Because it is generally polite in these situations to answer the question as well, I'm aro, aplatonic, allosexual and allofamilial, but you probably already know that because I never shut up about it)
I do miss my ace flag... but the people voted for lesbian leonardo da vinci and i am nothing if not a vessel for the people. (also it was funny) (also probably going to swap back to ace flag again eventually when i have the time to edit another pic.)
anyway. yeah! I tend to just default to saying I'm somewhere on the aroace spectrum, cause getting into the granular details of it just sort of gets confusing even for myself, let alone whoever I'd try to explain it to. At the end of the day, all I'm really trying to explain is that there's a disconnect between me and societal expectations/ideals/desires of sex and romance. 'There's Something Weird Going On In There' with a vague gesture towards the aspec to try to explain it, if that makes sense.
#i tend to conceptualize my relationship to sexuality and romance in the same way i do interacting with the world autistic#in that there is a disconnect. and whether i like it or not the disconnect will fall to me to reach across most of the time#now the good part of that is that i do find learning about sexuality and implementing what i've learned a fun endeavor#in sort of the same way a puzzle game is fun. it's interesting to see how i can communicate these things especially in writing#but that doesn't remove from the fact that. there's a lot of masking happening all the time.#it's not an inherently bad thing. masking. it's a neutral tool for communication oftentimes enforced through ridicule and/or violence#but it itself is neutral in my eyes. it just also takes a lot of work and energy to do.#that feels overly complicated i think i'm just saying im aroace but ive studied this shit or at least watched a few youtube videos on it-#ask#not to say that such a thing is a requirement. i'm just fairly neutral in my responses to the suggestion of sex or romance#at least in fantasy/fiction/the hypothetical so it allows me wiggleroom to fuck around. if that makes sense.
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DC LOOK AT ME
#It's funny how I find myself using this meme cyclically regarding DC and the Batfamily in particular#the first time I used it was 2019#about what was it?#that disastrous marriage to Selina?#Bruce beating his kids?#yet another death in the family?#Joker coming back to be a pain in the *ss?#Harley's annoying behavior?#the awful relationships between various family members in general?#or something else that I can't remember right now?#I have no idea#the fact is that for a few years now history has tended to repeat itself#there really are a lot of sadists working at DC#huh?#all this makes me laugh so much I can't stand it#I was honestly waiting for some other shit to happen just so I could post this nonsense here too#I'm sorry but I'm not sorry#he’s dead Jim#dc#dc comics#batman#sorry for my bad english
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twelfth night is not a Shakespeare I have read or seen but now I’m a bit terrified of ever consuming it. I definitely would never touch that audio drama with a 10 foot pole though (so so tempting. I might give in)
i was normal about twelfth night and held many normal emotions about it i really liked it for being this fun very messy queer drama until i listened to david tennant malvolio which ruined my life i cannot stress enough all of my evil derangements are because of david tennant malvolio if he had not done any of that i would have been FINE
#YOU CAN HEARRRRR the heartbreak and desperation in dt malvolio's voice#you can picture his expression so clearly whem olivia says to him 'but out of question 'tis maria's hand'#the 'i'll be revenged on the whole pack of you' line reading made me lose my fucking MIND#i guess this is the biggest weakness of the audio drama is that im too busy like actively being upset over malvolio#to even feel anything about the haha funny everything all works out ending#twelfth night#ws#david tennant#when i read the play (esp 4.2) i pictured malvolio as being very very angry. still staying confident in the wake of#what's still happening around him. cuz it's like malvolio gave me a very 'i'm surrounded by fucking idiots' energy#and the only thing he has to rely on is his mind (which he takes a lot of pride in anyway).#also the play is a comedy and i feel like this is the only way for this scene to be actually funny#dt malvolio causes me evil derangements bc he is. the reverse of this lol#he is on the verge of tears throughout ALL of 4.2 his voice is all fucked up from screaming to be let out#when he says 'i am as well in my wits as any man in illyria' it's as much a desperate plea to feste as it is to himself#he's someone who once took pride in being the only sane one but now he's started to doubt himself n that's a whole other level#of horror for him. none of it is funny whatsoever. thank you david i love and hate you for this#idk how many other malvolios tend to give you the sense that he is straight up traumatized from being put in solitary but yeah
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#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#okay but this made me laugh so hard just because of how much it reminds me of misao JSJSJ LOL because she has had like casual 'flings'-#with people and is an addictive personality as i've talked about here once which includes her being a love junkie + getting into-#relationships with people because she is in love with the IDEA of being in love though falling in love with someone can't just happen-#like magic as it involves a bunch of hormones and stuff but misao kind of somewhat hopes that this person of interest to her will somehow-#complete her life anyhow which... yeah can definitely raise a few problems as people with a love addiction often attract love-#avoidant people because both of these types of people generally have a fear of being abandoned and controlled.#but whenever it comes to love-avoidant individual's they're also emotionally unavailable so 😬#it's unfortunately kinddd of a recipe for an unhealthy relationship that could very well lead to the both of them being in a bad place-#once they break up as misao as a love addict is constantly seeking out new love in particular as a lot of excitement and good feelings-#come with this particular type of love in particular. so yeahhh - i know that this may be a bit of a weird picture to do a meta to but-#SHHH lol i just thought it could possibly relate to her more long-term relationships that she's had with people as misao-#tends to avoid feelings of vulnerability with people as you may all know and so this leads to both her + the other person not really-#knowing what they are BC they haven't really established that deeper connection even though they've been together for a while.#not to say that i'm trying to blame misao for having problems with opening up or anything like that but she has a very disorganized-#attachment style i think and that leads to her often doing this continuous 'push and pull' thing in her romantic/sexual ships#where one moment she will want to be attached to the hip to them but the next she will be cold and distant from them.#so yeahhh. misao is honestly kind of like what i've said barton is before: a cake inside of a cake because i feel like she's got sides of-#herself that she doesn't even know about because she's been scared of being fully emotionally vulnerable with someone for a while now sadly#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.
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I don't like debating much(unless necessary for the sake of my own humanity) but sometimes it can be really Really fun specifically if it's about something that has absolutely no real weight to it(and yet if you were a spectator it might cause some concern for whatever reason)
for example: would you rather be threatened(physically mentally or emotionally take your pick) by a can of corn or a cob of corn?
Me personally I'd pick cob for a few reasons
1. I can outlast it(probably)
Fresh corn will eventually rot and decay but have you seen how long canned stuff can last unopened before it looks slightly different from new stuff??
2. Cans are made of metal not vegetable flesh
While a corn cob has its core that's not metal. Ever dropped a can? Might get a dent. If you have a good kick then you might survive but you will probably hurt your foot. Ever dropped corn? If it had it outer leaves and hair it might have stood a chance but if it didn't then bits of corn go everywhere
3. Actually fighting if needed
I feel like I could survive a fight with a sentient can but a sentient cob just seems less likely to hurt
However there are some things might change my decision
Like issue one which is how the corn moves because if the cob is fresh with hair and leaves and can move all the little hairs individually and can move the leaves then I'd probably choose the can because at that point I feel like it's less of "how would i survive with the least amount of bruising" and more of "how would I rather die but with a chance of surviving" and in my opinion i think blunt force trauma would be better then a slow death of strangulation via a sentient corns hair plus I do think I'd have a chance against a can of corn
Another issue is if it was mentally or emotionally I'd probably go with the can bc I feel like it would be easier for to rationalize it as ridiculous to be threatened by a can of corn then a cob for some reason
Like a cob is ridiculous to the point that I'd just accept it as making sense for that to happen?
a can is like "why am I listening to the can of corn. I literally own a can opener." But a cob is more like "if I were to try and deal with you in the traditional way of dealing with corn that would mean a pot and water and time and-"
Plus idk why but I feel like a cob would be less mean with its words. I can't explain it I just think cob would just go straight to physical threats instead of emotional ones but a can would stare at you menacingly making you question yourself and just judging you
#the part where some might be concerned is the fact that after coming up with that scenario it took me 3 seconds to decide on my awnser#this corn convo scenario didnt actually happened but ive had many similar convos#this may or may not make any sense but thats the fun of it in my opinion :D#the other part that concerns people so i dont tend to say it out loud as much is the “how would you rather die” part#so many people are just so uncomfortable with death they try to avoid discussing it at any cost even though its somthing coming for us all#its kinda sad#like i do get it. its hard to not only accept but really think about death as a reality#people dont like it when something good can end so they try to avoid it and try to deny it#its hard to look at something that youve been ingrained to consider as “bad” and see it as anything else#i feel like recognizing the fact that something will end can help you cherish it more in the present#and if you can recognize the good and accept that it will end you can also morph that when thinking about the bad#life isnt simple and neither is death#bad moments come and good moments come and bad moments and good moments and bad moments and good moments ect#is it really so weird that i dont ignore it?#like im going to die eventually welcome to reality but thats not right now.#right now i have blood moving in my arteries and veins right now im breathing and blinking periodically#right now im still alive and i intend to do the most i can with whatever time i have even if im still fighting myself to do basic tasks#its kinda sad that so many people think its better to ignore that our time is limited#maybe its just the way i grew up#i didnt face death a lot but my family moved every few years and whenever i met another kid i used to know it was never the same person#we were both different in ways that made it seem like we were entirely new people#i had to get to know them a second time practically from scratch so every time either one of us left there was always a part of me that knew#when one of us left we were done#like sure we could get to know each other again but it would never be how it had been#we would be new people to each other#idk i think that made it easier for me to accept the existence of death and not taking things for granted#like stuff happens life goes on make the best of it and make friends with everyone possible while it lasts#idk sheesh this started as me being like “i like weird and slightly stupid debates” and ended as “i have opinions on peoples veiws of death”#whatever hope my point is made i guess. good job making it this far? give me stupid questions pls(also 30 tag limit who knew: me now)#brains rambles
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Desperately trying to make sense of Alex's motivations in Season Two and you know, I do eventually have to wonder if maybe Alex wasn't actually lying in the majority of those tapes.
Like, we tend to assume that Alex's motivations have been a consistent throughline since the college years, but do we actually know that that's the case? Do we know for sure that Alex was acting in deliberate, calculated ways in 2006; or could it be that he's telling the Truth on those olds tapes when he says he's blacking out and can't remember what's happening to anyone? After all, if we're assuming that Season 2 Alex's motivations are the exact same as his motives in Season 3, then it doesn't make any sense at all that he spend months working with Jay to try to find Amy; Season 3 Alex would have attempted to kill Jay like, on sight just to get things over with as quickly as possible and contain the spread of contamination as best as he could.
But, maybe, if Alex really had been separated from Amy after the events of the 04-04-10 tape, and if he really doesn't know where she is, then maybe that could make things start to make more sense. Maybe he really had been watching Jay's channel, and seeing Jay start going through the same things he went through in college without things devolving into violence and disappearances, and wondered if things maybe could play out differently this time. Maybe he really did send that tape to Jay to ask him for help, maybe he really was just trying to find Amy.
But then, instead of actually being helpful, Jay makes it extremely clear that he's a lot more interested in stalking Alex than he is in finding Amy. Alex asked for help, and instead there's a bunch of masked dudes on Jay's heels that keep attacking him, Jay is breaking into his house, stealing his things, leading the Operator right to him all over again, keeps trying to get other people (namely: Jessica -- if Alex is being honest when he says that his call reassuring her that Amy had been found was an effort to make Sure she stayed away from everything that was happening) involved; and instead of anything getting better, instead of anyone finding Amy, things are just getting worse all over again.
It's not until after the incident at the tunnel that things seem to start rapidly devolving. Rather than a calculated attempt to finally follow through with his need to curb the spread of contamination, this is very clearly an outburst of rage and terror. Alex's "I told you not to follow me" line in conjunction with Jay speculating that Alex didn't know who that guy was, to me, pretty firmly seems to speak to Alex having mistaken that stranger for Jay. From his point of view, Alex knows that Jay and totheark know where he live, have broken in before, he suspects that Jay stole a key to make it easier to get into his house, and he's been followed on the daily for months -- Alex is sitting at the tunnel because he doesn't know where else he can go without being constantly surveilled, hunted, and assaulted. And instead of getting a moment by himself to breathe, Jay followed him out there all over again (it feels like Alex looks directly at the camera in Jay's footage of him from this day; he knew for a fact that Jay was there), and then to make matters worse now 'Jay' won't even keep his distance anymore.
So Alex lashes out. And it's not until afterwards that he looks down and finally recognizes that this wasn't Jay -- it was someone completely innocent. Things have finally reached the low point he was at in college all over again; maybe even worse this time. If Alex doesn't remember attacking anyone in college, but he was at least partially conscious of it this time, then things have reached an entirely new rock bottom, they've reached an absolute point of no return.
He has no idea what happened to Amy, and he's spent months trying to find her with no hint of where she could be; he doesn't know where Jay actually is or what additional trouble he could be causing at this point; he does know that now innocent people are getting caught in the crossfire (in regards to the stranger in the tunnel, and also Jessica now that Jay has her phone number, and the untold number of people Jay got involved when he started posting videos to the Marble Hornets channel); things are spiraling out of control and there's no one left to ask for help. The situation isn't getting better, it's getting worse; things aren't getting easier to handle, they're just getting more out of hand; the negative impact is spreading and who knows how much further it can still go?
So, Alex decides to go scorched earth. He disfigures the body with the rock either to hide evidence or to make sure the guy would actually stay dead and not just get back up to start his own cycle of contamination in a few years. He tries to give Jay one last chance to back off, and Jay instead admits he's been talking to Jessica, acts obstinate and lies about not having Alex's spare key, and then breaks into Alex's house a second time (minimum). If Alex doesn't stop him now, who will? Alex met with Jay planning to kill the others, and then himself, so he could put a stop to this once and for all and keep things from getting any worse than they already were.
Maybe it makes a lot more sense if, rather than being a strangely incomprehensible detour on what should have been a straight path, the events of Season Two were the breaking point that put Alex on that path to begin with.
#N posts stuff#idk!!! I've been thinking a lot lately about the tendency to take Characters at Face Value; when they tell us things we tend to#automatically believe them despite what evidence we might have to the contrary. & like when it comes to deciphering what#went down during the college film project it's mostly totheark that posits that Alex was Definitely Lying and Definitely Acting on Purpose#(even Jay is largely ambivalent - wondering which way it leans and basically saying it could go either way)#but. do we KNOW that they know that? Do we Know that they're Right when they claim that? Or are they just Assuming based off#of their own rage and animosity towards Alex due to what happened? Do we Know for Sure that Alex Was Lying in s1?#i don't know if we do!! And so without Knowing that for sure; how can we speak to Alex's motivations in season one OR season two?#now TO BE CLEAR: I am not saying this in an attempt to claim that Alex is somehow completely innocent of all guilt and that like.#Jay is the 'Real Antagonist' of the series - not at all my intention. this is just More of my usual 'look. Everyone in this series is#all kinds of Morally Grey; no recurring character in this series is free of guilt they ALL have unique fatal flaws & trends towards#antagonism that makes things worse and dooms them all' shtick - a la 'everyone Thinks they're doing the Right Thing but No One Is'#BUT i Am wondering if this Does help to like. clear up some of the ambiguity/uncertainty of Season Two - and even Season One - and#lets the series as a whole read a little bit clearer? idk i know that Jay does Claim to think that Alex was bullshitting him#the whole time & was Actually planning on tying up loose ends the whole time but AGAIN it doesn't make Sense he'd wait so long#idk - Am i making sense? does any of this track? i'm trying to figure it out; i am open to comments on the subject to help#i haven't rewatched season 3 yet today and so maybe there's stuff in there that contradicts this whole theory lmao but i'm taking a break#and just posting this anyway; we'll see what happens lol#marble hornets#mh lb
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re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.
#HES MY PRINCESS IDEK.#i dont think it happens naturally all that much because theyre usually in the business of calling each other names and being mean#so i think this would just be a random night where theyre on top and just think it would be really funny. to yank on his leash and call him#a good girl after bullying him into doing something. and well i just think it would get him is all i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww#i havr a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will stop for now#but the tldr is that with each other they tend to switch frequently and are always fighting#so i think itd take someone else being in the picture for hog to even realize how much he likes being a good boy :3#and i also dont think fish would be good at straightforward domming in the way he would want and they both know that#so its something he keeps between him and rat mostly. please dont ask me questions abt jrs sex life i have too many opinions on it#anyways. i think even tho fish knows theyd be bad at that they still feel left out so sometimes they go watch. they dont get anything out of#doing that theyre just sort of taking mental notes#all of this circles back to i think fish has always been the more sexually experienced of the two. and romantically.#i dont rlly think hog is a guy who dates i dont think hes ever been that and i dont think he made much time for hookups#(i think its cute if hes a virgin when they meet but 🤷 im not solid on it)#but i think for him hes just only ever fucked this one person and they do a LOT of stuff and it gets the job done so hes just never really#tried anything else. but. and again i have too many opinions on this but i think rat wouldnt be into their usual shteeze#i think hes a bit of a freak in his own way but the blood and weird anger issues is just not doing it for him most of the time#but i do think if given the opportunity he would LOVE to be The Boss for a little bit so i think he and hog can explore that together and it#will work out beautifully for them. this is great because i am not into strict d/s dynamics like that but i know in my heart that hoggy#would be. and i cant do that for him#again i think fish would be butthurt about this. mostly in a 'why didnt u tell me so we could try this :(' and he would go#'because you would suck at it and wouldnt like it' and they go oh. right. well im still mad#ANYWAYS. circling back. i think the good girl thing would be something fish knows that rat doesnt. and idk if theyd tell him or not#because i do think if they tell him he is using that for evil hog is going to be a good girl forever and ever. rat doesnt have the patience#to space it out the way fish does. which idk maybe thatd be good for hog he could work through some stuff...#but on the other hand i think its fun if they DONT tell him and just bust it out sometime when all 3 of them are doing the deed. or whatever#because again they mostly like how embarrassed he gets about it and i think he would be reallyyyy flustered by it#^ this is essentially part of my fantasy about spitroasting my beautiful wife until he cries just so everyone knows#idk i just think when he lets go of himself hed be a very cute and kind of needy subby bottom and i think hed be really easy to fluster#about it and i want it so bad
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