#theyre strangers to each other and that just. wont change

[faux-mance]

noticed that a lot of kross/criller is people trying to put cross in the role that color canonically takes

[im-just-an-angel]

one of the most sick things i have realized in the ppl around me who are still catholic, is how much they are plagued with catholic guilt. a girl who won't get surgery bc she believes its punishment for her sins. ppl who are nearly suicidal in their desire for heaven, and since heaven is coming, they do nothing to change their situation. they dont try to improve their lives or others or the planet bc at the end of the day this is a "fallen world" and "heaven is waiting." it is so sick to drill into a persons head since theyre a child that they were born evil, that they need god to fix them, they need god to sustain them, as if it wont affect their mental state at all as adults. my little cousins who have already shown signs of having anxiety about god, like asking if he'll be mad at them/their parents for doing normal, human things. like really being afraid of what that would mean. my opinion and love for this world and its people shifted sp drastically when i realized i could just stop. i could stop being afraid of god. i could stop thinking we all deserved to burn in a lake of eternal fire. who even makes a lake of eternal fire anyway? that very much does not sound like a me problem. when i left the church, i very much still believed in hell, and i very much believed it was a place i would go, and would deserve to go. but i chose it anyway. i chose the eternal torture, because who does a thing like eternal torture? if god would torture me forever, than that wasn't someone i wanted to associate with, consequences be damned. and slowly, i started to see the world differently. i know the world is on fire, and theres a few too many genocides occuring at the moment, and i do truly have it in me to detest forever the people who hurt innocent people. but still, desite it all, despite everything, i think we're good. yes, we do bad things, but at the end of the day, most of us just want to go home, and cuddle our pets/loved ones, and eat a good meal, and look at the stars and dream. we're not so different, and we're not so bad. idk where i was going with all this exactly, but i think the cure to catholic guilt is choosing to believe in the good. catholism says goodness can only come from god, and thats why were damned. but i think we *are* good. even despite all the reasons ppl give me on the contrary. bc i see ppl wish happy holidays to strangers, holidays they dont celebrate themselves, just to see them happy. i see strangers go out of there way to help people every single day. bc most of us understand that we all just want the same things, and are willing to help each other get them. we arent evil, and bad things arent some divine punishment, sometimes things just suck. the cure to catholic guilt, i think, is a love that can outcompete the divine.

[bunnydgal]

BLOG #4 - WHEN OTHERS AREN'T FANS

hai haaii!! this topic isnt as fun, but its an important one that has come up during my three months as a full-on gal.

im very lucky to have always had a supportive group of people: my mom, brother, partner, friends & acquaintances. They do their best to understand my (sometimes questionable) stylistic choices and give me plenty of attention for it. Many parents and important family members arent as approving of things like trad-goth, lolita, cosplay, or other alternative styles/hobbies/lifestyles--but mine are!

however, i can tell that a few of the people closest to me arent as big on gyaru as i am. they make comments on my makeup, saying that it takes away from my natural beauty and other similar things. i can understand people not understanding or even LIKING gal style/makeup. it is VERY over the top and sometimes "garish" to the uninitiated LOL, so its not even the fact that they just dont like gyaru.

its just that they dont seem to get how beautiful i feel in gal! if im naturally beautiful, fine, but i feel more like my natural self when im all dressed up--whether it be in lolita, goth, gal, whatever!

strangers also seem to disapprove at times. many older men and women glare at me, sometimes even pointing me out to their friends and whispering to them, like i cant see them. what i do when i see someone visibly mocking me is i blow them a kiss. if theyre gonna remember me for looking crazy, might as well let em know ill remember them, too!

the way my loved ones react hurts much more than some randos, tho. but i try to keep my head up and keep doin me, because if they cant see how gorgeous i feel, i wont keep trying to explain it! despite how they may feel, however, i am still very thankful they dont try to change me or stop me. it shows they really do love me ;-; (though i knew that already LOLL)

if you are in a similar situation, lets encourage each other!! do you boo!! <3 <3

[notthestarwar]

👀so… undead fox you say?

omg thank you for asking! sorry it took me so long to reply to this lol

ok i love this story its so twisty.

ok so it begins with this

'an old evil sleeps in the heart of Coruscant. there is something wrong with the coruscant guard'

this is from ch1 (it's a red herring dw)

hound finds the body of a clone and it becomes apparent that this is far from the first. the guard keep finding these bodies and theyre very sad about it but also being kind of shifty? like. they arent telling anyone outside the guard about it and theyre kinda dealing with it quietly.

meanwhile, the guard are trying to deal with hushing up another problem. theres something very wrong with Fox. he is acting kind of creepy. vacant and he's always staring off in to the distance with glazed eyes and theyre having to round him up and keep an eye on him at all times but he always manages to escape anyway. he's always talking about hearing the whispers of coruscant and saying bizzare shit. theyre trying to get him to keep his helmet on to hide that there is clearly something up with him but he's just not cooperating. he isnt really doing his job anymore and he also wont look after himself at all. theyre having to make him shower and clean his teeth and stuff.

pretty much: the guard is stressed as hell trying to keep this all under wraps. theyre having to dodge calls from foxs batchmates. the calls turn in to visits. theyre still finding dead clones round every corner on coruscant and going to a strange amount of effort to hide the deaths. you begin to get the idea that maybe… maybe its fox killing these clones.

eventually, cody turns up at the guard headquarters just as theyre taking in a dead clone. and. surprise! the dead clone is fox.

the story comes out, it turns out ALL the dead clones are fox. It started with the chancellor was sending fox on these weird missions. he came back from one of them different, (possesed) and ever since then the chancellor keeps killing him. every time, fox just reports in like normal after he wakes up. the chancellor is disturbed as hell. he cant find any way to use fox, fox is just a liability. if the jedi find out about this possessed clone, theyre going to start asking questions palpatine doesnt want asked. he's worried fox could be traced back to him. but heres the funny part. he is weirdly unnerved by fox. he's a bit of a control freak and he hates how out of control this situation is with fox and fox is generally…very creepy. in palpatines eyes its like. you kill your employee and the next morning he's standing at your desk like nothing has changed. he's unnerving!!! palpatine is so creeped out by fox that he doesnt want to imprison him so he just ends up with this tunnel vision trying all these different ways to kill him like. it'll work this time.

once cody finds out they go to the jedi and tell all. the jedi are like. right we need evidence so we can take down the chancellor. quin starts working on the case, but his proximity to new fox results in him being slightly possesed himself and falling. now they are weird and creepy together.

the whole point of the story is about the guard grieving someone whos still there. meanwhile, fox is trying to figure out who he is now (he eventually gets more of a hold over the posession and starts living again but hes a whole new person now.) while watching the guard mourn someone he doesnt remember how to be. he cant be that for them. his old self is a stranger.

its also about how trauma can make you worse. he knows that they all miss who he was but he's changed. quinlan is made worse by fox and neither of them really care. quinlan is happy to embrace this new him now hes fallen. theyre both making each other worse but they do love each other. the sith spirit iteself has been changed by trauma, it turns out that it was the spirit of a child thats been trapped in this sith temple for ages, slowly losing what it is to be human. the spirit possesses him both to save itself and to save fox. so the whole story is about these grey areas of morality. theyre not doing the right thing, nobody is, but at the same time its kind of understandable why??? its a mixed bag of fun ethical dilemas pretty much.

I've done a lot of thinking about the vibes of this and I've assigned a quote to each chapter like I did with dead from the beginning so that's been fun

This is the ending I've got planned. Fox and quin go off together as these new, worse versions of themselves. The guard and the jedi struggle to understand cause they're stuck on the ppl that Fox and quin were

[class-1b-bull]

What, in your opinion, is each Class 1b member's irks (like what gets on their nerves)

(I had to literally look up a word that represents someone's annoyance towards something but it's ok that's why I remain anonymous 🤫)

Sorry if this ask is a little late I was building a barbie shrine in minecraft <3

Annoying things/ things class B hates

Awase -

Walking into a room and then forgetting why you walked in there is the worst. When he walks into the main area only to start grumbling under his breath everyone already knows he forgot what he went in there for.

Sen -

Any type of minor injury that shouldn't hurt as bad as it does. Like how can he be stabbed during a sparing match and walk it off but hes almost in tears because he stubbed his toe?!

Kamakiri -

Everything annoys him. And I mean

e v e r y t h i n g. There was one time where he glared at a guy and when you asked him what was wrong he said they were 'breathing too loud.'

Kuroiro -

People that are quick to label other people based on their zodiac/blood type without actually getting to know them. Its one thing to go 'oh your a gemini thats cool' but its something else to go 'oh your a gemini? So your a two faced bitch then.'

Kendo -

People that do stupid stuff just to look cool. Like ppl who started to vape or drink or fail classes simply because its what everyone else is doing.

Kodai -

People who do nothing but talk about themselves. She wont confront them if theyre annoying her and everyone else in the room, she will just tune them out.

Komori -

She doesn't like lazy people. She can understand laying around for a day or two but how are you gonna spend your whole life eating chicken nuggets in your moms basement?

Shiozaki -

She really dislikes lies. Especially really stupid ones. She can kinda understand lieing your way out of trouble (we've all been there) but youre not Beyonces biological kid that she abandoned, stfu.

Shishida -

It annoys him how the times have changed. (In the bad ways lol) like modern architecture annoys him and he wants everyone to open doors for people like they did in the 90s (its rlly not that common anymore) (unless its just where I live idk)

Shoda -

The only thing that annoys him is people sneezing and not covering their nose with the inside of their elbow.

Pony -

Honestly nothing really annoys her. Shes the type that can vibe with pretty much anyone. If youre a villain or just mean she will hate you tho.

Tsubaraba -

He hates when he askes someone to repeat something and they just say 'Nevermind' it sucks and its an annoying waste of everyones time.

Tetsutetsu -

Those stupid reality shows that always have the dumbest people on them (toddlers and tiaras, biggest cheapskate, my strange addiction, ect.) He understands how ppl can like it but they annoy him so much.

Tokage -

People with zero self awareness. Like if you stop in the middle of the sidewalk to film a tiktok dance or something (causing multiple people to almost get hit by flailing arms) she has to hold back the urge to snap your phone.

Manga -

People that say stupid stuff like digital art isnt real art (it is) or ai art is real art (its not) or overall just stupid stuff like that.

Honenuki -

People who are out of touch with reality annoy him so much. Especially when theyre the rich out of touch type. "Wdym not everyone has a private jet?" Please stop talking.

Bondo -

People that are mean to strangers for no reason. He doesn't care if it is the worst day of your life it is no excuse to cuss out a waiter.

Monoma -

He hates when dumb people act smart. Like its okay if you just happened to be wrong about something you thought was correct but if you keep making up stuff to sound right then he hates you ngl.

Reiko -

People that shout over other people. Like please shut up and let the quiet ones speak.

Rin -

People that chew overly loud or talk with food in their mouth. He just finds it really gross and it is so easy to just swallow your food before talking.

Not proofread we die like men.

[softness-and-shattering]

Also this black and white thinking is so dangerous. That people are good or bad and thats all there is to it.

Can I introduce you to the concept of teshuva. Teshuva means someone did something bad, and then they regret doing bad, and then they go through a process of growth and seeking forgiveness - which is not obligated to be granted - and teshuva is complete when a person has the exact same opportunity again and chooses differently. They have become a different person who will no longer cause the same harm that they once did.

Justice is important. Safety for victims and survivors is of utmost importance. That doesnt mean someone fucks up so we get to murder them.

A life is an entire world, is priceless. We dont decide when a life ends. The only exception is when your life is on the line, because your own life is your top priority, over someone else's life. You never have to risk death to save someone else. But otherwise, you do everything you can to preserve life, even for a murderer a pedophile some guy you just really hate. Maybe they'll do teshuvah. Maybe they'll change. They certainly wont if theyre dead. We'll never find out what good they were capable of.

This is also true of ostracising someone from your community because they said something a little Problematic and you didnt give them the time of day to understand their perspective or consider if maybe youre the one who's mistaken. (If its a random, fine, block them. If its a friend, talk about it. Certainly dont harass strangers.)

Dont you want breathing room? Space to grow and learn and do better? Because not a single one of us is perfect and never makes a single mistake or hurts anyone, and has all the right opinions all the time. Being human is being riddled with flaws and doing our best to knit ourselves into something better.

And yes theres scale, stealing a pen isnt the same as murder. As a general rule though, black and white, good and bad, death penalty for bad people and life for good people, that doesnt leave room for us to be humans who make mistakes and learn and grow and need each other. It just makes everyone full of 'righteous' anger and terrified to step out of line, what line and who drew it, who knows? What gave them the right, I sure dont know.

Some of you are literally watching the right wing continuously try to expand the definition of "pedophilia" to include "existing around a child while queer," and then agreeing with them when they say pedophiles deserve to be summarily executed.

Not only does this place innocent people in danger of political executions, it also puts children in danger, as most children who are sexually abused have this done by someone close to them, and feelings that they would be responsible for the death of their abuser if they reported leads to lower rates of reporting. It also leads to higher rates of abusers murdering their victims when they're found out because the punishment will be the same anyway.

Part of being on the left is realizing that it's better to let 100 guilty men go free than to wrongly convict one. Another part of being on the left is realizing that one's life is never something others have the right to take away- even the most evil people alive. Yes, that includes mass murderers and rapists and pedophiles. Once you make one group acceptable to kill, you give others a vested interest in defining groups they have prejudice against into that group.

You have to start dealing with the fact that no crime makes one's life forfeit. Not even the worst most depraved and sadistic acts. The worst people alive have rights, and if you can't accept that they deserve them, at least try to accept that it is to your benefit that they retain rights no matter what they're accused of. And if you can't do even that, well... you just might be the kind of person who would cut off your nose to spite your face.

If you want to protect victims, if you want to protect minority groups, you have to realize that sex crimes, or any crimes at all, do not deserve the death penalty. Period.

[blxetsi]

HIIIII!! can i get a pieck finger dating headcanons if that’s alright with you of course? your stuff makes me soft, stay safe!

yuh ‼️ tysm for your request

pieck finger dating headcanons (modern au)

pieck finger x gn!reader

warnings: literal fluff, no angst or anything i love pieck

- bc pieck is assumed to be like 23-26 this wont be a uni au or anything

- idk i rlly think you guys wouldve met in a mundane way

- like you bump into her on the sidewalk and try to the really awkward "oh im so sorry i didnt see you there- no really it was my fault- are you sure youre okay ?- okay great- no im not hurt- yeah- okay have a good day and again im so sorry !!" thing with her

- and then maybe you guys see each other again at a coffee place, youre there with your friends and shes there with hers, and you dont wanna talk to her obv bc that would be awkward

- then ur friend makes u go and order another coffee for them, and while youre waiting for your order pieck comes and stands beside you

- and shes very observant yknow ?? if she sees a face its very hard for her to forget it

- so she immediately recognizes you and blurts out "its you !"

- and you have to be like "oh yeah ! it is me ! its you too"

- she finds it quite cute and giggles about it

- a very laidback person but also a very blunt person

- she doesnt find any harm in asking "can i get your instagram @" look she doesnt wanna be a creep and ask for ur number right at the start

- and it gives her a chance to find out what kind of person you are

- it would absolutely suck for her if such a cute face was posting fishing pictures and alt right propaganda yknow ??

- so you two do and then both of your orders come so you two give awkward goodbyes before going back to your groups

- her instagram is very pretty, nice themes

- she posted a couple of hours ago, with her and her friends in a park, taking a couple of posed photos while some looking like they were natural

- shes adorable and you cant help but feel your cheeks go warm as you basically stalk her page

- she dms you and says "are you too busy looking at my feed that you havent followed me yet ?" and you see this mf staring at you across the room like 👁️👁️

- okay nosy lets calm down now 🙄🤚

- you try to defend urself but ur typing so quick you keep making errors in your writing, she ends up saying something else

"you know, i was doing the exact same thing. youre beautiful you know"

- thank you pieck 🥰

- over the next couple of weeks thats how you two communicate. she'll send you instagram memes and edits of her favourite shows, movies, games etc. and you find yourself having a lot in common w her

- you check her story so frequently it becomes one of the first accounts on the top of your homepage

- and FINALLY, when she feels she can see you as a friend and not just some pretty stranger she met on the street she asks you out

- it was a simple thing, just to the movies, and she even let you pick which one !! (imagine its pre covid idfk)

- you two go and its an awkward hug before you both head inside

- you pay for your tickets and she gets an extra large popcorn and a drink

- you assume shes just v hungry but before you can order yourself something shes like "what are you doing i got this for us !!"

- rlly cute bitch omfg

- during the movies, after she eats literally most of the fucking popcorn, she pulls your hand out of your lap and holds it with her buttery one 🥰🤚

- this bitch had crumbs and didnt even think to wipe them off

- you still held her hand tho anyways

- after that night you parted ways in front of the theater after making sure you two would be getting home safe

- and that became routine for a couple of weeks, not going to the movies obviously bc thats expensive but watching movies together !! youd go over to her apartment or she would come over to yours

- one thing about pieck is that shes very touchy

- one way or another she will end up cuddled with you on the couch

- it doesnt matter if its you being forcefully pulled on top of her body or her draping herself over you like shes a blanket, you two WILL be cuddling and you WILL enjoy it

- but finally, as if the gods gave you mercy, she finally kissed you

- it felt so nice, her lips were soft and sticky from her lip gloss and she tasted like the swedish berries you had gotten for her to munch on

- and the rest of the movie you two just sat there, kissing each other and giggling like teens

- she ended up staying the night, and complimented your bedsheets

- your relationship moved pretty fast after that

- she had already told all of her friends about you, they werent very surprised

- when you got officially introduced her friends zeke and porco tried to do that whole "if you hurt her.." speech before she slapped them and had marcel pull you away to safety

- other than that the night was very fun, you got to talking about your career, why you moved to the city, and other mundane topics

- pieck is actually a graphic designer, and everytime she comes to sleep over she just HAS to bring her laptop with her

- its basically just her laying in between your legs while she types away, youll pet her hair and lay soft kisses on her neck, and occasionally ask what shes doing

- she likes to tell you, has no problem in answering the questions you have, even if you think theyre stupid ones, shes very soft with you

- also a bit of a trickster

- for your first april fools together she slept over, you didnt have anything planned for her bc youre a good person and wont hurt the ones you love

- she stuffed your breakfast muffin with mustard 😁👍

- you gave her the cold shoulder for the rest of the day until she apologized by getting you a new muffin

- now she always dropped the l bomb to you, but she never needed you to say it

- thats why, when you were helping her cook dinner at her place you softly said "see ? and thats why i love you" she kind of,,, stopped what she was doing

- you realized why she wasnt washing the knife she used to cut your vegetables and tried to backtrack, but it was too late, she was already tackling you into a hug and taking you down onto the floor

- she just gave you kisses while repeating "i love you i love you i love you" over and over again

- bc of her you burnt ur fucking chicken smh

- you spent that night eating junk food and watching movies

- piecks a very observant person, so she always knows when youre sad too

- when you give that little huff when you come home to your (new !) shared apartment she knows something is up

- she'll slowly trail behind you as you walk to your bedroom, stripping to your underwear and changing into your pajamas

- you crawl into bed just wanting a nap to forget about the day, and she'll crawl in with you and hold you

- you never like to cry but youre so frustrated and upset at your coworkers, at that rude customer, at those deadlines, that you just breakdown

- and she lets you, she lets you almost suffocate yourself in her chest with how much your pushing your head into it, she strokes your hair while you choke on your own cries and hands you tissues when you need to blow your nose

- "what do you need my love ?" "i just need you" "okay baby"

- communication is a big thing in the relationship, and because shes been so open and honest from the beginning, talking about how you feel has never been easier

- in fact, you like talking about how you feel about your relationship, or how you didnt like what pieck said to your friends the other day, this and that, you feel comfortable and safe with pieck no matter what, which makes talking about even the most hardest things seem so simple and natural

- all in all, even when she wakes you up with spontaneous ice cream dates or asks that you put raisins in the popcorn during movie night, even with the fights and the crying and the exhaustion the next day, life would be much duller without her, and you only have to thank your clumsy self

uhh i feel like this is very short but yeah ❤️ requests are open so go crazy mfs ‼️

[duckugou]

golden

Kenma x GN!reader

Im trying to stray away from my comfort zone of just writing readers that use she/her so bear with me

sorry if this lowkey sucks but it was inspired by harry styles song golden

cw: big cursing, huge fluff, strangers to friends to lovers, comfort, aged up!

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in!

Requests are open!!

-------------------------------------

Being a streamer comes with perks. Being comfy at home, not having to face people in real life every day, playing games, typical shit. Another perk is making good friends.

Meeting people on a voice chat is common for Kenma -guys and gals alike. What he wasnt expecting one night was the sweetest voice on the other end of his headphones.

"You're all fucks- I'm better at this game than all of you combined. Try me."

To think that was the sentence that made Kenma's ears perk up and burn.

"What the hell ever- we have the great Kodzuken on our side." One of the guys said, half joking half dead serious.

"Oh yeah, he isn't even speaking up to defend your pussy asses- probably knows I could beat him too." You could hear the smirk in that last part.

"U-uh, no. You can't beat me. Nobody can actually. Not at this game." Kenma rebutted , confident in his gaming skills but not so much his speaking skills to this stranger.

"Oh man, you certainly sound confident. Come on, Kodzuken- 1v1 me then. Show me who the best really is."

Kenma suddenly felt nervous. Should he really demolish this stranger? Isn't it polite to let the person you like win? He didn't like this person yet but god their voice was attractive.

"Fine. Send the request." He decided.

"Sent, fucker."

The game resulted in a tie because this stranger actually knew what they were doing. They both threw friendly insults at each other the whole time of course, making each of them laugh a little.

"Okay fine. The great Kodzuken himself almost beat me. Im almost honored to have a great streamer almost beat me."

"Well you almost beat me too- uh-" Kenma stuttered over the fact that he didn't know how to address this stranger.

"Oh! Call me Y/n." The person giggled.

"You can uh, call me Kenma."

"Oh you don't want me to repeat your title over and over like everyone else?" They laughed.

"No, friends don't call me that. They use my name name." His ears were burning.

"Friends, huh? Guess that means you owe me your number so we can schedule a rematch where I can properly beat your ass."

"Huh, guess so."

A few months had gone by and Y/n and Kenma were as close as they could be. They found out they live close by each other and began hanging out a lot.

Y/n would be in the back of his streams on occasion and wouldn't hesitate to speak up during them. Thats the thing about Y/n. They've always been so outspoken. Since the start. Everything they talk about comes so easy to Y/n. Nothing is held back. Kenma knows everything about them. He on the other hand is still a bit closed off. Quiet. The two are so opposite yet so alike. Kenma doesn't speak much about himself, opting to listen.

Especially when talking about past relationships.

One night, they were sat in Kenmas room in separate chairs, letting conversations flow.

"So, you've dated but why have the relationships ended?" Y/n asked.

"Ah, I dont know- its not important. Why did yours end?" Kenma flipped the question as he always does.

"One guy cheated," Y/n tossed a piece of popcorn in the air, missing their mouth and brushing it off. "One girl left because she was leaving for school, and one guy just didn't mesh with me. Your turn." Y/n pushed the question back.

"Uh- well. I don't click with people easily. I'm pretty closed off so when I date it usually ends in hurt feelings by accident or they get sick of me." Kenma finally admitted.

"Huh." Y/n flopped onto their stomach on the bed after setting down the popcorn. "Don't you like anyone though? Like- if you liked someone enough, do you think you would give opening up a shot?"

"I mean I guess. Nobody ever takes the time to...pry me open." That got a laugh out of Y/n. Good. "But yeah I do like someone."

Sitting up suddenly, Y/n became visibly excited.

"TELL ME WHO."

"No god no- it isnt important." Kenmas ears burned again.

"Come onnnnn. Its gotta be someone big time cool to earn your heart. I have to approve."

Y/n pulled Kenma from his chair to the bed, not letting go of his hand as he sat down.

"Theyre very cool- and very sweet. Understanding. Someone who stands up for me and makes me comfortable-" Kenma began gushing.

"Do I know them?" Y/n interrupted.

"Y-yeah. You sure do." Kenma scratched the back of his neck.

"Oooh ok, a guessing game. Describe them more- their looks!" Y/n held his hand tighter, bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Well- ok." Kenma took a deep breath and decided he could be vague enough. "Theyre short. As short if not shorter than me. Competitive. Very cute smile-"

"TOO VAGUE give me the JUICY DETAILS" Y/n pushed.

"They uh- they have..pretty eyes." He was staring at this point, eyes wandering around Y/ns face to find more things to describe. "cute nose too I guess. Squishy cheeks. Glasse-"

"WHO THE HELL IS IT KENMA- its starting to sound like youre describing me." Y/n laughed.

"No- I'm totally not!" Kenma rushed.

"Tell this person you like them. You look so happy when you talk about them. Its kind of sickening."

"I can't just do that." Kenma stated flatly.

"Yeah you can."

"No-"

"DO ITTTT. Nothing to be scared of- it's CUTE. They would be dumb to not like you."

Kenma sighed, knowing he couldn't tell Y/n the truth about who he liked. What does he usually do when he's put in a corner like this? Oh thats right-

"Who do you like then Y/n?" He asked, proud of himself for deflecting again.

"Oh thats easy. You." Y/n said, letting go of his hand and laying back on the bed, leaving Kenma sitting up and stunned.

"What? No I mean a crush idiot. Who do you liiikkkeee?" Kenma pushed, hoping he didn't hear Y/n wrong.

"You, Kenma. I've had a crush since our first tie in a game. Thought that was obvious-"

Kenma flopped back on the bed as well. The both of them looking at each other.

"Oh. My person is uh... really... open and honest." Kenma said quietly.

"Is that why you wont tell them?" Y/n asked just as hushed.

"Yeah... what if right now they say yes but then their feelings change one day? That would hurt so bad. Worse than not telling them ever." He whispered.

There was silence. They knew what they both just admitted. Kenmas heart started racing. This might've fucked everything up. He might lose them. But they like him too so why is he so scared?

Y/n held his hand again.

"I know that youre scared because I'm so open...but hey... If you wanna give it a try..." Y/n whispered, scared about whether or not their honesty fucked them over.

"You might be right this time Y/n." Kenma whispered.

The space between them was closed due to both of them being drawn together like magnets in that moment. A sweet kiss.

"Let's try it then. I'll work on... being more open if you'd like." Kenma said.

"Kenma. I dont want you to change one bit. I like you the way you are."

Acceptance. It was the best thing Kenma has ever felt.

[literaila]

we used to

“the middle” 

spencer reid x reader 

summary: spencer cant remember the reader. she wont let him forget her. 

this is actually part two! part one here 

warnings: mentions of blood, mentions of pain, memories? angst. theres slashes though words (for example) but theyre meant to represent numbness

also! i wrote some of this while some teenage kids were watching me sit against a tree. i just thought that was important to add. enjoy! 

“Where did we meet?” 

“A little park. I was laying down enjoying the sunshine, and you came over, worried, and started checking my pulse. You said you wanted to make sure I wasn't dead.” 

She laughed. 

But she didn't tell him about the way his eyes had gotten bigger when she looked up at him. She didn't tell him how he swallowed, his face suddenly nervous. He didn't tell her how she had started laughing at him, and he blushed embarrassed. 

“After that, I asked if I could play chess with you. You let me win.”

She didn't tell him about the years she’d spent teasing him for that. She didn't tell him about the number she’d managed to slip into his bag when he’d been distracted. The number he didn't use for weeks. She didn't tell him how rejected she felt every day that went by, didn't tell him that she went to the same park almost every day just to see him. She didn't tell him about the disappointment that coursed through her veins every time she checked her phone. 

“Where was our first date?” 

“You took me to the museum. You were really nervous. I was almost worried you would run out of things to tell me.” 

She didn't tell him that it was one of the first things she’d noticed about him. That she’d loved that he had so much to say from the very beginning. 

They’d spent three days together. 

Spencer had to stay two weeks after he’d woken up. The first week was spent testing his memory, making sure everything was still in order. He spent day after day, meeting doctors, in machines. People were visiting him right and left, but he was almost always gone. 

She didn't see him much that week. 

The next week his doctors were sure that everything was fine. Besides the amnesia, there were no other effects on his brain. His broken leg was healing nicely, and he would be fine in a couple of weeks. 

But, they said, they wanted to keep him there just one more week, to make sure that they hadn't missed anything. 

So he stayed. 

And Y/N started going to see him that week. 

She’d been hesitant, worried that he wouldn't actually want to see her, that he had changed his mind, but as soon as she knocked on the door he seemed to be bright and awake. She took that as a good sign. 

Since then, three days have passed. They’d spent the majority of those days together. Spencer was full of questions, full of things that he couldn't remember he’d already told her, his brain never seemed to stop turning, to stop thinking. 

She was used to it. 

Most of the time, she was doing all of the talking. She was telling him about their relationship, about herself, she was telling him about all the things he’d learned about her in the course of five years, she was cramming it all into short sentences, giving up on giving any important details. 

It was exhausting. 

Sometimes, she started to say something, was about to mention something that they'd done together, but she always paused mid-sentence, reminded of the life Spencer had lost, of all of their days together that were lost. 

And other times, Spencer was telling her something, was talking so that she didn't have to, and he mentioned something that she already knew. He mentioned things about his childhood, about the way Derek teased him, the way Penelope was good at making him feel flustered, and she always felt herself wince. Because she already knew all of those things. She knew more things about him than he did, she knew almost everything. And he didn't. 

It was like two strangers talking. 

Except the only stranger in the room was her. 

She wasn't acting like herself. 

She was trying to avoid scaring Spencer, rushing into things, scaring him away from her forever. 

So she didn't act like herself. 

She hid the little details, the tiniest things that she didn't want him to know, she kept them locked away, didn't add them into the stories that he was always asking for. She did it constantly. And to some extent, it felt like lying, it felt like taking something important away from him. But, she also knew how easily overwhelmed her Spencer could get, she knew about all of the things that would scare him. So she didn't feel as bad hiding things from him. 

Derek and Penelope came almost every day. Some days the best they could manage was a call. Cases were taking over, the world not stopping for Spencer, and a couple of times they couldn't get to Spencer quick enough. 

So they called. And every time, Spencer seemed almost uncomfortable. He always asked if Y/N wanted to talk to them, always hesitant, because he didn't know how close all of them were, he didn't know if Y/N would feel pressured by his friends if she even liked them. 

All Spencer knew was there was a pretty girl, a girl he’d once known, sitting in his room. 

Today was like all the other days, Spencer asking questions, this time about their history together. 

Y/N had been looking out the window, daydreaming of a time where she didn't feel like a stranger to her own body. 

Spencer cleared his throat trying to get her attention. 

She looked over to him, her eyes wide and empty, she made a noise of acknowledgment, a sign that he could go on. She watched as he gathered his thoughts, already familiar with the look in his eyes.

 “What did I like about you?”

She paused. Looked away from him. What did he like about her? 

They’d talked about it many times. He’d told her thousands of times how much he loved her. She’d heard it over and over again, felt it pounding in her heart, racing around her head, every day for five years.

It didn’t seem long enough.

She thought about the things he used to compliment. 

“Your eyes. They’re so beautiful. They look like they hold all the secrets of the world.” 

She remembered him running his hands through her hair, moving it so he could see more of her face. She remembered his eyes. She remembered how comfortable they felt. 

“I hope you’ll tell me one day.” he’d said, after minutes of just looking at each other. 

“Tell you what?” she whispered, ducking her head down into his chest. 

He hadn’t answered. They both fell asleep. 

She thought of the time he told her she would look beautiful in anything. 

“It doesn’t matter to me what you wear. You’re perfect to me, always.” 

After that, he never stopped telling her that. 

“You’re perfect to me.”

“You’re perfect for me.”

“You’re perfect with me.”

“Always.”

For a moment, she wished she could hear it again. 

She removed that thought from her head almost as soon as it entered. She forced it away, locking it into her cage, somewhere deep in her body, where it wouldn’t be found again. 

She shouldn’t be thinking about things like that. 

“I think you liked that I was so open to learning new things. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t listen to you say.” 

Spencer contemplated that. He thought of all the people that asked him to stop talking, told him that it was too much, too far. 

She was probably right. 

But that seemed like a silly reason for him to love her. 

He finally nodded, accepting her answer. 

And then the nurse came in. 

And she had to leave 

 ***

Later that week, it was time for Spencer to go home.

It was time for both of them to go home since Y/N had refused to leave without him, even when he’d woken up. 

She was nervous.

She didn’t want him to know she was nervous.

They’d been living together for almost two years, together they had picked out an apartment, one that both of them had loved. They’d spent every day they had together, when they were both home, in their tiny apartment. She didn’t know what Spencer now would think about it. He’d lost all memories of it, lost all of their shared moments at home together, and when he’d asked about his apartment, the one he’d had five years ago, Y/N didn’t know what to say. 

He’d given up that apartment for her. 

He didn’t have any place to live beside their apartment. 

She smiled at him when he asked and told him about apartment searching, about how he was sure to get the safest apartment they could find. 

“We need it Y/N.” he’d whined when she refused to get the one apartment he deemed safest- because it came with a double lock and no balcony -she’d only smiled at him, kissing his nose and walking away. 

Eventually, she’d caved in. Spencer didn’t seem to like any other apartments after that one. 

After she was done sharing the story, done trying to remind him who he was supposed to be, he smiled nervously at her. 

She knew he was uncomfortable. She knew that he didn’t want to live in a brand new place, with a strange girl who he was supposed to be in love with. 

In his mind, they’d only known each other for two days, in his mind, she wasn’t anything special. In his mind, it was weird to live with someone you’d only just met.

Y/N didn’t know how to make him feel more comfortable. 

She tried to remind herself that it would take time, that it had taken time when they’d first moved in, that it would take time again. 

She didn’t want time. 

She wanted Spencer. 

She ignored that. Instead, she spent her time making sure she had all the proper medical equipment at their apartment. She spent the moments she wasn’t with Spencer online, looking for different things that could make a broken leg, a forgotten five years, easier. 

She also looked for things to prevent the pain she felt every time she moved. She didn’t want to breathe out smoke every time she tried to speak, tried to breathe. 

So far she hadn’t found anything. Her doctor recommended pain medication, told her about all the drugs that could help her. 

She refused to listen. 

She didn’t even know why. 

And now it had been more than a month since the accident, and they were finally going home. 

Together. 

She helped Spencer sign all his release papers, reminding him where he lived, what his phone number was, who they could call in case of emergency. 

She helped him and then it was time to go. It was time to go. 

They walked side by side out of the hospital, Spencer enjoyed the air outside, enjoyed something that didn’t feel like the stale walls of the hospital he’d been locked up in. Y/N looked back at the hospital. Almost longingly. Almost as if she wanted to go back. She wouldn’t feel as nervous as she did if they were still in the hospital. 

She brought him to her car. Helped him get in. They both smiled at each other awkwardly. 

The ride home was silent. Neither of them spoke a word. Spencer spent the time looking out the window, observing the drive he couldn’t remember, watching the world pass him by. Y/N avoided looking at him. She avoided looking at anything. She drove and she tried to remind herself that everything was fine. They were both going to be fine. 

By the time they got there, to the tiny apartment, both of them had only managed to rack up more nerves. 

“This is it.” Y/N said, getting out of the car, trying to keep her face calm, her body comfortable, to go help Spencer get out of the car. 

She showed him the way to the elevator. Listed out all of their neighbors that lived on the first floor. 

“This is Mrs. Hankel’s apartment. She loves you. She hates me.” she said as she passed by a door. 

It was the first laugh they shared all day. 

As they walked Spencer looked back at the door longingly. 

When they finally arrived at the door Spencer looked down at the welcome mat, laughing a little.

The mat, brown and boring, with a barely notice scrip at the bottom reading 

“shoes off, fuckers” 

Spencer looked back up at Y/N to see her laughing with him. They were getting closer, the invisible wall keeping them apart seemed to disappear for a moment. 

“Why do we-?” he asked, chuckling as he watched her smile. 

He could see the way she lit up, the life that had joined her eyes, he could see the immediate difference in her body just by looking at the mat. 

“You kept pestering me about a welcome mat,” she laughed, shaking her head and looking up at Spencer. “But Y/N '' she imitated him, “Studies have shown that most toxic chemicals that end up inside a person's home are tracked in by their shoes. A doormat would stop that-'' she giggled, her words fading. “You just wouldn’t give it up. Eventually, we had to compromise.” she ended, pointing her hand at the mat and smiling at him. 

It was her first real smile. 

Spencer felt dazed. 

But, almost as quick as it was there, it disappeared, fading off her face, her eyes becoming stone again. 

The wall was back up. 

She reminded herself not to overwhelm him, not to do anything that would be too much. She never wanted to be too much for him. He needed help, not her emotions. 

She was still reminding herself of that as they walked in the doors. 

Spencer looked around and he saw some things that he didn't really understand, like the art hanging up on the wall, the candles that seemed to rest on every empty space, the delicate paintings on the walls. But as he looked around he saw things that he did understand. He saw the textbooks, the bookshelves that occupied all the walls, and when Y/N told him that he was free to walk around, to look around, he saw all of his books placed on the bookshelves littering the apartment. He walked around and noticed all the tattered old copies that he had bought at second-hand bookstores, he saw the first edition books everyone always seemed to give, he looked around and he remembered all the books. He also saw new books, ones that he couldn't imagine reading without some persuasion. He saw old romance, new romance, he saw young adults and dystopian, he saw cookbooks, self-help books, and he laughed a little at the thought of reading any of them. 

Those were so obviously Y/N’s. 

“We have a lot of books.” he heard her say behind him, and he turned to see her standing watching him, observing him looking around. He wondered why he hadn't noticed her before. 

He smiled at her, hoping that she wasn't bothered by him snooping around. 

“Did I bring some of my books here?” he asked, turning back to look at all the books he remembered. 

“Yes. Not all of them, I needed a little bit of room. But most of them are yours.” she smiled, her face still tense, still frozen solid. 

She turned to go, wanting Spencer to look around without her hovering over him. 

She walked into the kitchen to make them something for lunch, feeling the pain circle her lungs. She thought of the medication she could be taking right now, thought of the relief her body would feel, she thought about the pain, the writhing pain that lived inside her. 

The pain on her lungs was nothing. 

The pain on her lungs, on her ribs, in her chest, felt like pain medication. 

It felt like nothing compared to- 

She paused. She let her thoughts drift off, let her body become aware again, let herself turn to stone, let everything drain out of her. 

This pain was nothing. 

She was strong enough to deal with a little pain. 

She continued to make lunch, continued to not think of anything, to only think of essential things, such as where she would sleep. How she would show Spencer their bedroom, show him where he kept all stuff. 

She thought about showing him which shampoos were his, why he enjoyed them so much. He thought about showing him the clothes she’d been buying him for years, the clothes he used to tell her he felt at home in. She thought about showing him the photo album they had made together, Spencer mostly watching, as a present for their third anniversary. She thought about showing him how to lock the door, how to make sure their security system wouldn't start blaring when they left the house. 

She had so much to teach him. 

There were so many lost memories. 

And finally, when she was about to let it go, about to forget about all the things she needed to do, Spencer walked in. 

The pain she felt just looking at him- 

Breathe in. 

“Hey. See everything?” she asked, a perfect, practiced smile on her face. 

Spencer smiled back, politely. “Yeah. Did you decorate?” 

She laughed, the feeling burning her lungs. “You helped me choose the colors,” she said reassuringly as if she was worried he was going to be upset as if she knew how this stranger would react as if she knew him-

Spencer nodded, looking solemnly at the floor. 

“So I was thinking-” Y/N started, only to be interrupted by Spencer. 

‘When can I-” he started, looking up at her sheepishly. “Sorry,” he muttered smiling at her. She nodded, her face cold as ice, nodding for him to continue. “I was wondering when I could get my stuff?” he continued, softer this time. 

She paused, her hands frozen, her face still poised, but her heart racing at his words. 

“Get your stuff?” she asked softly, trying not to let her voice shake. 

“Yeah,” he responded easily. “I asked JJ and she said I could stay at her house. At least until I can get a new apartment-” 

Y/N had stopped listening. 

She wasn't listening. 

Spencer wasn't staying. 

He wasn't.

He was. 

He was leaving. 

She felt her insides freeze, ice hitting every inch of her body, keeping her stuck, stuck in her head, stuck to the floor, stuck with the pain building, building up inside her. 

She nodded, robotically. 

Spencer said something else, something about her showing him where his clothes were. 

She wasn't listening, she refused to listen, she wasn't listening. 

Her body responded though. 

She led Spencer through their living room, showed him where the bathroom was just in case, she led them into their bedroom, her eyes avoiding his, her heart avoiding beating. 

She watched as he looked around their room, examined the bed, the small desk hiding in the corner, the dresser on the opposite side of the room. She pointed to the closet. Pointed and left the room.

She wasn't listening. 

She sat down on the couch, staring ahead of her, not listening, not feeling, nothing. She sat there, sat there, and listened. She wasn't listening. She felt close to falling asleep. 

She waited for him to come back. 

Leaving. 

Come back. 

Always. 

He walked back into the room, holding a bag, holding one of their bags. He smiled at her as he zipped it up, as he locked all his clothes up, as he got ready to leave. 

“Thank you,” he said, clueless to the feeling burying itself into her chest. “Thank you for driving me here. JJ’s coming to pick me up soon.” 

Her ears perked up at that. Confused when JJ had known to come over when Spencer had gotten a hold of her. 

He must’ve seen the question in her eyes because he answered “Garcia showed me how to use my phone.” 

She nodded. Her lips pursed, her eyes cloudy, her face void of anything, void of emotion, void of color. 

Spencer looked at her and tilted his head, he thought he noticed something different, thought that if he was trying to be a good boyfriend, the boyfriend she’d had a month ago, he would’ve asked, he would’ve done something. 

Spencer didn't know her. 

He stood there, staring at her, her eyes void, not acknowledging his staring, and they both waited, just waited until there was a knock on the door. 

They both looked over. 

Spencer looked back at Y/N. He smiled, his hands awkwardly placed in front of himself. He smiled at her, and she smiled back. 

He started walking to the door, looked back to her, said 

“Thank you. I see you soon.” 

And then he was gone. 

He was gone. 

He was gone. 

Come back. Come back come back come back come back come back. 

Her head was chanting at her, telling her what to do, telling her what she shouldn't do, telling her too many things at once. Her head was chanting at her. Over and over, chanting chanting. 

She looked up at the ceiling. 

Always. 

Always. 

Always wasn't real. 

Always was a lie. 

Always. 

She looked back down, felt the pain fill her fingertips, felt the pain cloud her head, a storm forming above her. She felt it invade her heart, invade her bones, her muscles, felt the pain swimming in her veins, swimming everywhere in her body, she felt the pain the pain the pain. 

Her face was nothing, her face was empty, it was empty 

Her body wasn't. 

She sobbed. 

She sobbed for the pain, for the pain that was everywhere, for the medication she wished she’d taken, for the life that she didn't have, for the life, for her life, for her memory, for everything. She sobbed, and she sobbed. 

She fell to the floor. 

She let herself fall apart. 

She sobbed. 

Always. 

It was just a little pain.

***

They saw each other twice a week after that. 

Spencer went back to work. 

Y/N stayed home. She worked from there.

She let the loneliness cloud her brain. 

She let herself dream of the words that weren't there. 

She never told Spencer. 

***

“Where do you work?” 

“I teach second grade. Earlier this year I decided to take a year off. We were going to do some traveling and I didn't want to be gone for too long. I’m an artist at heart though.” She teased. 

Her face was stone. Her voice was warm. 

Spencer smiled. 

***

“Did you ask me to be your boyfriend?”

“It was more of a mutual thing. I was spending the night at your apartment, right after we had gotten back from one of those old movies you like, and you asked if I was your girlfriend, if I wanted to meet your family. I just agreed, told you I’d already told my Mom you were my boyfriend. You laughed.”

She smiled at him. Sipped her coffee. 

Spencer nodded along. 

***

“What's your family like?” 

“Well, my parents love you. So does my sister. My brother likes to pretend you don't exist. You used to be okay with that. I’m in the middle. But I’m the favorite.” 

She bragged. 

She sat there. She watched him. 

He looked off behind her. 

***

“Did we have a favorite place?” 

“We used to spend a lot of time at the park. We loved the park. You always beat me at chess, cause I told you to stop letting me win. You didn't like that very much. But mostly we just sat and talked at the park. You always liked going there after a hard case.” 

Spencer didn't say a word. 

The park. 

***

“When did you meet the team?” 

“A year after. You didn't want to rush anything. You wanted your secrets. But I loved them before I knew them. You’d praised them so much I don't know how I couldn't have liked them. Penelope and I clicked. She became my best friend. We bonded over always staying home. You loved that we were so close. Sometimes you forced me out of the house to spend time with her.” 

Nothing. 

***

“When did I first tell you I loved you?” 

She paused. 

She didn't want to answer that question. 

She didn't want the reminder, the constant, consistent reminder of how much Spencer used to love her. He used to love her. 

He used to. 

“It was four months into our relationship. You blurted it out while I was sitting on your lap, watching you read. We were close then. You apologized after. I never had a doubt, I said it right back. ‘I love you.’” 

And she said it so he knew. She said it so she could rebuild the memory. 

She said it to help him remember. 

She said it because it was easy. 

She loved him. 

He used to. 

***

It was Wednesday. 

It was a Wednesday, almost a month since they’d gotten home. 

Since she’d been home. 

Since Spencer had moved out. 

It had been almost a month. 

They’d been getting to know each other for almost a month now. 

Spencer was coming over. 

It was the first time Spencer had asked to come over. Since he’d first gotten his stuff, the first day he left the hospital, since then he had moved out completely, had taken most of his stuff, the things he wanted. He’d been inviting Y/N to coffee, they spent at least one day a week together if he was home. 

She was talking to Penelope more. Checking up on him through her instead of directly asking him. She didn't want to be too overwhelming. 

It had been a month of being with him from afar. 

She was doing fine. 

Her wounds had completely healed. She’d gotten a good report from her doctor, and she was doing fine. 

She was doing fine. 

Spencer was coming over. 

He was coming over for the first real-time. And this time he had asked if he could come over, said he wanted to talk to her. 

She let her heart bubble for a moment. Let herself imagine Spencer living in her house again. 

She stopped herself before it got too far. 

She would do nothing to ruin the progress they had made. 

She waited at home, she waited and got herself ready. She prepared herself for talking to him, for not saying too much, for saying just the right amount. She prepared herself to see him again. To be in love with him while he watched. 

She waited for him. 

She turned herself to stone when he knocked on the door. 

She opened it, smiling at him and letting him in. 

He walked in, his body was tense, his eyebrows were furrowed, and his eyes were scrunched in concentration. Y/N tried not to stare at him, to stare at the familiarity in the face. He looked like her Spencer for a moment. 

She kept the smile on her face. 

“Did you need to talk about something?” she asked, she asked and she got him a bottle of water, needing to preoccupy her hands with something, with anything, just to keep the smile on her face. 

She didn't want him to see through the cracks in her foundation. 

She needed to be perfect for him. 

For him. 

You’re perfect to me. 

Always. 

She waited for him to speak. 

“I think… I think I’ve been doing something wrong,” he said after a moment, looking down at the floor, guilty like he had just made a huge confession. 

“Something wrong?” she asked, her face almost moving, almost breaking. 

Not quite. 

Spencer looked up at her. Looked into her eyes. Really looked. He looked for a girl, a girl he might’ve known, a girl that he would remember. He looked, he looked, and he couldn't see anything. She was still just the girl he had first seen, still just a person, someone he didn't know. He looked once more. 

Nothing. 

“I think I was wrong.” 

She looked back at him, looked into her eyes, the eyes that she actually knew. 

They looked so sad. 

“W-wrong?” She stuttered out, her eyes moving in concern, breaking. Spencer was never wrong. 

“Do you know who I am?” Spencer asked. His face was unmoving like he already knew the answer. 

“You’re Spencer. You're my-” she swallowed, climbing over the words. “You’re my friend.” 

Spencer looked at her. He shook his head, ignoring the panic in her eyes. “No. Do you know who I am?” 

“I-”

“Because I don't know who you are.” 

Y/N closed her mouth. She looked in his eyes, scared by the harsh tone, scared by the words. She looked at him and she didn't see her look. He wasn't looking at her like he loved her. He hadn't looked at her like that in mon- 

“I don't know who you are Y/N. I thought I might-” he paused, baffled at his past self. “I thought I might remember you. But I don't. To me, you are just a girl I met three months ago.” 

She stared at him. 

Just a girl just a girl just a girl- 

This pain was a memory that would never go away- 

“I don't think I’ll remember you. I think this was a mistake.” He said. Final. Unmoving. 

She felt stuck to the ground. 

Stuck in place, stuck to the pain clinging to her. 

“M-mistake?” she said, the words forced out of her mouth. Her body was shaking like she was freezing, she couldn't imagine not feeling pain, she couldn't imagine not knowing Spencer, she knew Spencer she knew him she knew him. 

“I think we were only fooling each other by hoping.”  

Hope. 

Hope wasn't a word in her vocabulary. Hope didn't exist in a world where Spencer didn't love her. Hope wasn't a thing, hope wasn't available. Hope. Didn't. Exist. 

Hope. 

What was hope? 

“I think we need to stop. I don't want to hurt you.” Spencer said. His voice wasn't familiar. His face wasn't familiar. 

Did she know him? 

“I don't think we should do this anymore.” 

Anymore. 

Not anymore. 

Always. 

Not always. 

Pain glued her eyes glued her mouth shut. 

“I’m sorry Y/N.” 

She watched him, frozen in place as he walked out the door. 

She didn't know what he was thinking. She didn't know that Spencer did care, that Spencer had seen her once, that she came in glimpses. She didn't know that Spencer could see how much he was hurting her, how much spending time with him was destroying him. 

She didn't see that he was trying to give her a clean break. 

One that would hurt less. 

She didn't know any of that. She only watched him pull her heart out of her chest, grab it, take it away from her, she watched as he threw it around. 

She watched as he crumbled it. 

He had said always. 

***

There was a cloud in his head. 

A cloud hanging over him, a cloud proving his world to be dark, to be covered in nothing but the dark clouds that surrounded him. 

There was a cloud hung over his head. 

The sun had disappeared. 

Oh. 

The clouds swirled around him. 

He got dizzy with realization. 

The sun. 

His world titled.

Oh 

***

my masterlist here

yes yes! its not over yet. but i hope you enjoyed. and understood. and i hope i didnt ruin your day with my writing.

final part here

[omohole]

i cant stop myself but this is also a little cringe + long so under the cut. be beholden to my madness

ok but theyre literally . parallels. joker being a phantom thief, yu being a detective. both have bonds with their respective detective princes but in Very differing ways, despite largely starting out the same (weird detective kid that started investigating them and following them around). also joker moving to the city from the countryside to live with a stranger who wont trust him around his daughter, vs yu moving to the country from the city to live with an estranged relative who constantly leaves his daughter with him for honestly too long. but theyre also just about the only people that can Truly understand each other on the same level, both being wildcards and leaders. they both know the pain and sacrifices and constant worry that comes with leading a team, both know the feeling of being arbitrarily decided to have some grand fate/destiny, both have seen the way that the justice system can be incompetent at best and actively malicious at worst. yu being a bit older and finished with his journey already, now lending an ear to the younger wildcard during his Incredibly Traumatic Journey. yu would also probably be very alarmed to hear about the state of the velvet room and the "guidance" that joker's been receiving, let alone when november comes around and hes proclaimed dead and comes out beaten and drugged. yu takes on a supportive and caring role in most of his relationships and joker's constant antics and spontaneity gives him both an outlet for his care and also a change of pace with the chaos it brings. they keep each other on their toes, but have a solidarity their teammates cant really understand or relate to. they both know what its like to have to leave everything behind when the journey is over and its time to go back to a "home" where you dont really belong. its having someone to come back to at night knowing theyll be there for you at your worst, and knowing theyll understand anything at all, even if its having fought and killed gods. also joker is a catboy and yu loves cats send tweet alexa post alexa send to mom

would you guys still love me if i started ranting about a rarepair for two characters that have only ever interacted in a crossover spinoff game once

[mrs-mikko-rantanen]

🌏✂️🎡☁️ for Nyar. Jalev. Jimmy. Adair. Caelum.

🌏 EARTH - will they give up the world for someone they love? is this decision easy for them?

Yes. I think so. Nyar may talk a lot about what's best for the whole world, but when it comes down to it? He has his crew and Jace. And theyre all that really matters to him.

Jalev may struggle with the decision a little more, but ultimately would probably come to the same conclusion as Nyar.

Jimmy would not think twice. Parents safe? Cool. Sisters safe? Awesome. Stephan safe? Perfect. Death Star the rest of it.

Adair would waffle on this. "What are we talking about here? Like literally give up the whole of planet earth and everything on it? Do I get to save all of the people I love, or just this one? Do..." He cant help it. I dont think he'd have a solid answer. To say yes goes against every instinct he has as a healer and to say no would shatter his heart.

Caelum : "bro no I could never do that. Ya know why bro?" "Why?" "Because you're my world bro." "Bro...." Sorry that's the only answer you get. Interpret it however youd like.

✂️ SCISSORS - what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

For Nyar...hurting his crew. But he isn't very good at sticking to his guns sometimes. People can find a way back in, especially if he didnt really want them out of his life in the first place.

Jalev. God. Probably...disrespecting others. Strangers. Homophobia and transphobia, racism. They'd be disappointed for sure, especially if it was someone close. But they'd make the break.

Jimmy would probably be similar to Jalev, but less bothered by it. Life's too short to be arpund that kind of negitivity and toxicity. Bye, bitch.

Adair is pretty forgiving. But if he's talked to someone about something several times, and they still havent made an effort to change then he'll just sorta. Phase himself out of their space. He's pretty ok with trying to give people second chances.

Caelum will give people chance after chance after chance. Bit if he sees someone being intentionally hurtful for no reason? Nah. They're out.

🎡 FERRIS WHEEL - are they someone who wants to kiss at the top of the ferris wheel?

Nyar will not admit it, but probably. Like he wouldn't do it/ he wont ask for it, but if Jace kissed him at the top he would be very pleasantly surprised and happy about it.

Jalev could go either way really? Like they dont consider themself afraid of heights but once they get there they'd probably be a little freaked out. A kiss would be a very nice distraction.

Jimmy. 110% That is the only reason he got on the Ferris wheel in the first place. Probably kisses Stephan before they even get to the top.

Adair would be giggling and blushing because he would want it to "be a surprise" and then giggle even harder the rest of the way down. 10/10 he is adorable.

Caelum would love to, but hes not gonna force Dragon to. He agrees, he can kiss them just as well on the ground. Just takes it as an excuse to sweep them off their feet and kiss them everywhere else.

🌩️ LIGHTNING - are they scared of lightning?

Nyar. Maybe a little? He just closes the curtains and puts on headphones and reads. He really thinks its fun to watch Avanda when the storms hit.

Jalev finds a book, a cup ot tea, and a good classical music record and sits in the window to read. Loves it.

Jimmy is Keridwen so. No. He likes to splash in the puddles and after each lightning strike he jumps and yells "BOOM!!"

Adair is for a little while. He didnt use to be, he used to love them. Now hes got some issues with them and hes trying to get over it. He wants to go back to how he used to be. He wants to love the rain and the storms the way he used to. Hes getting there.

Caelum during the daytime? No. During the night? Yes. He hates when they wake him up with giant thunderclaps like canons. They send him straight up gasping and panting, and shaking. Once he has some time to adjust he'll be ok. Hes not going to sleep until the storm is over.

[the-holy-ghosted]

Some Breekon and Hope headcannons!

Because I had nothing better to do while my power was out!! Let'sa go

Breekon:

6'10''

Typically quieter

Strangely sentimental, can identify his feelings better

not always good at expressing them but Hope is patient with him and a good listener and doesnt mind helping him find his words

can be so incredibly dramatic. you heard 128. the exaggeration. the emphasis. he can use his words when he finds them

thought hope was annoying as hell when they first met lol

they were only paired up together because breekon was the only person bigger than hope/that hope couldnt just terrorize constantly or bully half to death

breekon was also the only person with any noticable affect on hope’s behavior

less immediately violent, prefers to sit back and watch hope wreak havoc on whatever poor soul he so chooses

takes a psychological approach, uses stranger powers to fuck with ur memory

Hope:

6′6′’

once you get him going he can talk by himself for a few straight minutes 

laughs at almost everything. including things he should not laugh at. will that stop him? no.

was SMITTEN with breekon from the get-go, did absolutely everything to get his attention

he was notoriously a nuisance. he didnt stop being one he just pestered breekon instead of everybody else

doesnt analyze his feelings and doesnt care to

all hope knows is love breekon, eat glass and lie

speaking of eating! he eats. everything.

rule of thumb: does it smell nice? eat it! does it have pretty colors? eat it! is it still alive and screaming? eat it!

likes music, but like, bad music usually

he listens to the beatles you cant tell me otherwise. he plays it in the van and smacks breekons hand when he goes to turn the radio off. he is laughing the entire time

BOTH!

can, in fact, communicate telepathically

albeit only to eachother but thats how they prefer it

stranger powers! if you stand in their company for too long you start to forget things 

id like to imagine if you look them in the eye it gives you a migraine

are very intimidating yes. are also the dumbest motherfuckers when theyre alone

nikola runs around the circus trying to find them but when she peeks into a tent theyre always doing something bizarre

caught them having weird conversations about eating a persons brain and absorbing their knowledge/memories (this was hope’s idea)

once she found them throwing things at eachother to watch it bounce off their weird rubber skin and laugh. she left feeling slightly disturbed

talk to the coffin like its a person sometimes, either to freak other people out or just. because its funny and theyre by themselves

sometimes the coffin with groan in reply and they just have a conversation like that

and some... more tender headcannons under the cut bc i know some people want em.. u know who u are

theyve been married since the 1700′s, they just keep overlapping their marriages with each identity change

some avatars keep track of and brag about how many of their weddings they went to. the avatar with the highest count is simon

when they find themselves alone they like to hug for a few minutes to “recharge”

gives them a little energy back, they act noticeably different and a little cheerier 

breekon is dramatic. this also means he is an extreme romantic when he wants to be

when they change identities he likes to propose again. every time. the ways he does get more elaborate 

hope can be very clingy. very clingy.

he also loves calling breekon weird petnames

sweet breeks, breeky boy, just calls him B sometimes

calls him Bearest or Barling sometimes just to get his attention faster cause he hates it

breekon never uses hopes name. he calls him pet names and pet names only. if you ask him what hope’s actual name is he wont tell you.

if you catch them “recharging” or sharing some sort of tender moment you will not live to tell someone about it. you better know how to run

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 sungjin

i’ve abandoned this au for so long istg my life is a mess yall please forgive but anyway im back with my bullshit and ready to spread my cringe-worthy stuff to the world again

name: park sungjin

major: practical music and arts

other activities: leader, guitarist, and vocalist of university band, president of music club, member of cooking club

park sungjin is the embodiment of leadership

i mean he’s the band leader, the club president, also the president of his class since year one, like he’s so trustworthy and responsible, literally nothing can go wrong under his sight

and even when things do go wrong (life is a bitch) he’ll still make sure everyone is fine and having the time of their lives pun intended

anyone who meets sungjin for the first time will probs say he has this tough man aura, cold,,, tsundere-ish idk

but as someone who have known each other for so long, you never understand when anyone says sungjin looks cold

you know damn well the moment sungjin opens his mouth he gonna throw dad jokes with his satoori dialect

dad jokes are fucking funny fight me

you once said sungjin should start his own comedy club

......he’s currently considering it

oh right he also talks about food all. the. time.

he joined cooking club for a reason okay

no, he can’t and doesn’t really cook he’s only there to taste food and people let him there because he’s nice and he knows how to appreciate the cooks

uh we love a man with manners

so, who is sungjin for you exactly?

he lives next door, one year older than you, was a leader even when you were little ayeee childhood friend cliche

can you imagine little sungjin leading his friends in game its so pure brb crying

you told him everything you couldn’t tell ur parents because they were busy, you asked for his advises, he made sure you were safe and happy

you still depend on him even after you two have grown up

you enrolled to the same university, took the same major with him, and even joined the clubs he’s a member of

this isn’t because you’re indecisive, it’s just that you spent so much of your childhood with sungjin that you two became similar to each other, up to your hobbies and interests and even palate lmao

that’s why he loves to eat with you because you two never argue about the menu

the only club you can’t join is the band, and that’s because jae rejected your application

reason: extremely close personal relationship with sungjin, therefore sungjin will take your side if we ever had an argument

you denied that; no, sungjin wont take anyone’s side based on feelings bc he’s a logical person and he always listens carefully to every side of the parties before he makes a decision..... but jae wont listen

brat

"you only rejected me because im a better guitarist”

“lalalalala cant hear you over my authority as the important band member”

“fuck you”

“i don’t accept offers”

anywayssss you did fail to join the band, but you’re friends with them, theyre literally so used to your company that sometimes they forgot youre not actually in the band

you and the guys teamed up for sungjin’s surprise birthday party

the surprise failed because dowoon accidentally added sungjin to the group chat

sungjin being nice and playing along anyway because he didnt want to disappoint you

and then its sungjin’s turn to ask the guys for help for your birthday party

failed again because dowoon AGAIN accidentally invited you, in person, to your own birthday party

dowoon what the heck?????

yeah its all cute and sweet but thats all of your relationship with sungjin, you treat him like a dependable brother and he treats you like his own little sister

thats what you tell to your friends too when they ask if you two are dating

they’re glad thats the case

because they have a crush on sungjin LMAOOOOO PLOT TWIST

they’re hoping they can get to sungjin through you yanno like asking you to send him snacks and letters or to tell him they say hi

you dont mind i mean you know sungjin is one admirable person ofc everyone likes him

sungjin never rejects nor accepts it hes just like “yay snacks!”

“god damn it sungjin just date any of them im tired of being a matchmaker”

“then dont?? literally no one asked you to”

little did you know that sungjin had the same problem

some of his classmates are interested in you but whenever they come to him he just says, “dont ask me i dont know anything and if i do i wont tell you”

this one sandeul guy has started asking you out and stuff

“ehhh youre so nice i’ll think about it!!”

you, immediately texting sungjin: ur friend sandeul ask me out what should i do

sungjin: do you like him tho

you: not really idk him yet

sungjin: just tell him your mom said no

you: damn nice

but this guy is so persistent and you gotta admit hes kinda cute and after a few tries you finally said yes to him

so you two went together and it was pretty fun

sungjin isnt too happy when he hears about it from sandeul

he asked you, “why didnt you tell me first?”

“well i dont think its a big deal. it was just a date anyway”

but you always told him everything

sungjin never speaks about it again

you go on another date with sandeul the week after

you tell sungjin later and he doesnt ask how it went

hes just “oh”

idk he’s kinda distant now, he rarely talks nor replies to your texts

he doesn't visit music club nor cooking club either so you don't see him often

have i told you im uncreative and all my aus are lame???

you think its probably because hes focusing for the finals, but even after it’s over sungjin doesnt really hang out with you or the band anymore like he only comes for practices and leaves right after

weirdly no one says anything about sungjin’s absence

but you cant stay quiet any longer and decide to ask dowoon whats wrong with sungjin

you shouldve known dowoon cant help much

“honestly i dont know either, maybe you should ask wonpil he’s sungjin’s roommate”

“but what if wonpil told sungjin”

“told sungjin what?”

“that i asked about him”

“asked him what?”

“...nevermind”

you asked younghyun

younghyun doesnt help either

“i dont know, just ask him yourself. i thought you were the closest to him??” why you so salty man

okay fine lets ask jae

“i’ll tell you for fifty bucks”

“dude im broke”

“then deal with it yourself”

you had no choice but to ask wonpil

“he’s just tired”

you know wonpil lied but this little shit refuses to tell anything

“please dont force me to answer i will cry really loudly and it’ll be embarrassing for the both of us”

why do you befriend them in the first place smh

oh youre right about wonpil telling sungjin that youre worried, and he does tell him to talk to you if he got something in mind

sungjins hesitant but in the end he only says, “no... its just that i didnt realize until recently that my little sister has grown up a lot”

“dear god wtf you sound like her grandma”

skip the boring part so uh a few more days passed awkwardly between you two and after your failed attempt at asking around you decide to confront sungjin in person

youre in the band practice room, the others are present, sungjin’s about to leave early as usual, and you find yourself jumping up your seat, “whats your problem with me?”

you know sungjin hates confrontation but you cant stand it anymore. you tried giving him time but if theres anything you seem to be more of a stranger to him

“i dont know what i did wrong and i wont know if you dont tell me, so let me know. i’ll listen and i’ll apologize if its my fault, but dont give me silent treatment like this. its so unlikely of you"

you can see sungjin clences his jaw as he replies calmly, "people change"

"you don't change, youre being childish. if you're mad you should talk about it. if you don't want me here you should tell me to go. if you don't like ME dating your friend you should tell me not to!!!"

drama much ryn

"youre your own person and you make your own choice, its your life and i cant keep telling you what to do or what not," and the end part kinda slips, "i don't hate you dating my friend or anyone, okay? im just not used yet to be a second person for you and im afraid youll get hurt"

"youre never?? a second person sungjin where does this idea even come from youre the only one for me i dont want anyone else???"

and suddenly there's a train of awkward coughs and you come back to your senses and you realize you're being watched

jae pretends to make a phone call, "mom pick me up im scared"

lame jae lame

dowoon mumbles, "can we,,, make an exit first before you two declare your undying love bc its privacy yanno"

you feel the heat spreading across your face as you open your mouth the same time as sungjin, both want to deny dowoon, but younghyun beats yall to it, "yeah you two are in love with each other we been know"

you and sungjin stares at each other, confused, "we don't???"

"oh honey,,, my dear,,, ive read enough sappy shit in writing club to see where this is going"

the conversation was cut there and neither of you bring it up again,

because the idea of you loving sungjin or sungjin loving you is so weird that you refuse to think about it, and so is for sungjin

but ever since that, sungjin has drastically come back to normal its almost hilarious, he spends a lot of time hanging out in the music club, practicing with the band, visiting the cooking club, making a joke here and there

sungjin is himself again with you, a caring dependable brother whom you come to whenever you need to talk or just hang out with and he always makes sure he has time for you

sap

you know hes always been like that but why does it feel different now??? the way he smiles or pulls your hand so youre walking on the inner side of the road,,, how he neatly places your spoon and chopsticks on a napkin when you two go out to eat together,,,, why

tender love baby chICKEN TENDER

mydayexol follow me

andddd so one day, someone asked you out. again.

wow ur so popular i cant Relate

you, texting sungjin: sandeuls friend jinyoung something invited me to a party next saturday should i come

sungjin, replying to you: hmm

you: ???

sungjin: i think its up to you

for some reason youre disappointed by his reply,,, but he’s right tho its your call if you wanna go then you go its not about what sungjin says

right?

right???

but suddenly you got another text: but if you ask for my opinion i would say don't go

you: actually i dont want to either lol so what should i say

sungjin: tell him you already have a date

you: nice

sungjin: with me

you: ayyeee

you: wait what

sungjin: i mean its just a suggestion

sungjin: which you can accept

sungin: or reject

for some reason you can imagine sungjin’s cheeky smile through his texts and it makes your inside tingles and you wanna giggle

so yea you thought it was a joke but he actually did take you out for a movie and dinner

it was really nice

so yanno the weird thing is that neither of you ask the other to be “official” but you just. are dating.

ur friends are mad like “bUT YOU SAID YOU TWO WERENT A THING”

“lol sry i changed my mind”

“fuck you”

“no thanks sungjin can do that... bUT DONT TELL SUNGJIN I SAID THAT hes gonna kill me”

“is he ur mom”

“basically yeah”

this sucks real bad but who cares

not me obviously

ill be back soon (or not) with dowoon’s one lets hope i can do better than this dnsjfsndfj lnjajnfdjs lmAO I LOVE YALL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE

[misterbitches]

i have a lot to say about mr queen but idk how to say it so ill just collect what i did say (ammmz)

wrote this somewhere else in response to someone but:

i think the writers backed themselves into a corner here. your comment got cut off and hopefully you can finish the thought later (if you so choose.) i agree with everything you said!

i see some issues in the way the story is received now that it’s ended.

1. interpreting this as a gay story in the literal sense 2. discarding SO YONG’s self and her womanhood which is integral to the story / discarding anyones womanhood and/or precarious situations (IE being poor, being a gisaeng, etc) 3. gender confusion in the end

my issue in the plainest terms is that, in the original, we get a happy ending in the most clear cut sense. SY goes to the present, BH stays in the past. i say they could have gone further and just made them have souls projected or some shit with SoBong mix in the past, and SY alive as BH in the present (however she sees fit to live this life.) this is interesting because so yong is living as a man in SK. a man who (pre accident and post accident is a hero) had money, was a cis man in 2021 SK, worked at the blue house, and, like all men, didnt have the respecting woman juice bug.

it would be cool to see how SY could have lived in the present as a cis man (on the outside.) how she would choose to live going forward is up to her; would she keep her appearance? would she have ease as BH the way BH did for her? could they still have the ideas of the mind and know themselves in the body? since, essentially, So Bong is that idea. and this is all philosophical too like literally ONTOLOGY! the show delves into philosophers and thinkers so it could have done this from a philsophical standpoint (and hello! they seem to be on a kick these days post-stranger like sisyphus?!??! but you know…lol)

i wont regurgitate what you said beause you’re absolutely correct (IMO~~ not that it matters) bc the show is all about autonomy and ownerhsip and living HAPPILY especially for the people who do not get to determine that life. that is largely to say the women in this story, the women of joseon. sidenote: i do not know as much about korea and its sociopolitical history as i would like but like all movements, the labor movement (what would evovle from the peasant rev) is very very very masculine and not open to genfder and sexual minorities worldwide. isnt it interesting that such a heavy movement (starting from donghak in the show) is so so female centered? the whole show is an estrogen fest in the best way 🙂

so for people to miss that all of that IS so yong is sad. because sobong is so yong. and so yong is so bong just like bonghwan is. they chose each other. them kissing each other is a mark of a transfer of souls or some kindred spirits or something. it’s alarming that people miss the point of how crucial this selfish man going into this desperate woman’s body is. how her suicide was to save her mind but still our interpretation is that a man saved her and took over for her. as if bong hwan wasnt hugely flawed which is why he worked for so yong because she couldnt have the chance to discover that on her own because of her place. gee wouldnt it be interesting if we took away that, maybe, women have a right to exist? that maybe bong hwan was majorly flawed, narcissistic, disrespectful to WOMEN and that his life turns upside down and he learns what its like to have NOTHING for yourself. to be a woman who is told she is nothing because of her existence, because of men, because of money and power. and for BH to truly be shocked at how horrifically she was treated.

this is why i go so far as to say that CJ with all versions of queen cheorin make sense. he didnt give a shit about her frailty and that is the catalyst for her realizing htat she has to rely on herslef. her suicide was her CHOICE. so what if it’s negative, unsavory, cowardly; she got to decide for once.

hwa jin’s end especially (i stopped mid ep 18!) i love. she knew she was gonna go insane and we hated her for it. but she chose HERSELF.

but this is where the writers need to explain the gender and sexuality thing comes at the fault of them and also our society~ (lol) and us as viewers. it is queerbaiting in the sense that gender is confusing or whatever and if you’re GNC or NB you (AFAIK correct me if im wrong someone) are in every sexuality. sure people may have missed that but we’re so stuck on and obsessed with BOY OR GIRL? GAY OR NOT? (i’m not saying you as a user have done this, just ing eneral) that when we fight against just going with the flow which the show does for its whole run until its final explanation hits it bits us in the ass. now the questions are: was h eboy all along? which lol

no doubt SK is conservative (and no doubt they present gender and sexuality differently as well but one thing no matter how progressive or conservative places are—and you know, most are conservative because that’s how capitalism gets us and we’re just going against the current sorry couldnt help myslef—our societal ills stay so MASCULINITY and ideas of sexuality permeate and are constant through the world. fear fo gayness, femninity, no gender, transness, whatever it is) but the questions i am asking are – why did it have to end that way? was this planned? since the source material is different. if the writers think the trajectory makes sense, why? and if not, what would they change? – what was their intention?

from a technical standpoint, i think the ending does not support hwat the show has shown. just in literal set up and execution. that is a minute problem though in the grand scehme of things. in terms of story, what does this mean for BH and SY and CJ? why wouldnt he notice her? but i can pretend all of that doesnt exist and handwave and pretend it is so bong and CJ (which it is, until the end.) what is so hard to have So Bong exist? what doesnt make sense about that in a fantasy? why this ending?

i’d like to know if it was fear or if they couldnt accept that ending. it’s possible and that makes it unacceptable. or did it just not make sense to them? or it owuldnt to the viewers? in which case: jesus christ who cares. the show does a good job of propelling itself but it seems the gender question is just too fucking pressing that it put itself into its own corner. which you know fair enough. it manages to sustain itself even with that blunder but it’s like why and now why does it seem that the point of all that is missing. what could they have done differently to drive this point home? and really what can we all learn from it?

as a cis person this has taught me a lot oabout gender and my thoughts. i am inclined to this type of thought naturally and admittedly i do want to be a pretentious artist dumb bitch social justice warrior 😛 but even with all the things i know, the things i’ve done, when it comes to radical shit i’m still learning SO MUCH. there’s so much history i dont know, so many prejudices i still habor even if i fight against htem an know theyre wrong, privileges i have. this is why media IS important (and why i hate capitalism) bc even me at 29, even me the girl involved in a solidarity union and a resurgence of the black panthers doesnt know shit, hasnt experienced shit, grew up in a shit system too with poor understanding of difference. even as i try and dismantly everything a fucking south korean drama and kurt cobain has me thinking about how absurd gender is and this is SOMETHING I KNEW. there’s so much information to take in and ways we process that information, it’s taken me years to undo the gender industrial complex, and it will continue to take me years. i am a woman and a proud one but as a cis woman i am aware of my own limitations and this world expanded it. and it makes me think harder about my status and what about femininity and womanhood in a cis lens is so important. and that blockade or erosion of that blockade via the show is something i appreciate. the show was saying go with the flow because we dont HAVE TO understand it. we dONT. it’s just gender. it means everyhting and nothing all at once. but it had to be explained so much to its own detriment when it was already saying so much of what needed ot be said. hopefully many a non cis people found it compelling (and if anyone wants to LMK what they thought of the end from any perspective but that one specifically i am interested cos yea!)

[trunkzbriefs]

every time i see a callout on this site it becomes GLARINGLY obvious that most of you see potentially dangerous situations as a fun game or a chance for you to play hero.

if you think someone is in danger with someone else, do you know what you do? if youre a friend, talk to who you think the potential victim is. understand their situation, their side. and if they tell you that something is wrong LISTEN to them, listen to what theyre saying and how they want you to help. i cannot stand everyone constantly jumping to conclusions, not listening to the supposed victims and starting something out of nothing or worse- putting a victim in danger.

abusers hurt their victims when their backs are against the wall. they take all the negative attention and stress of the situation and push it on the victim. they create an us vs them mentality, that will only get worse and worse when your primary goal is to publicly humiliate the abuser. you wont get anywhere by being overly aggressive.

those stupid, massive callouts should never, ever be made unless the victim is 100% safe and has cut all ties with the abuser and IS OKAY WITH IT. you have NO fucking right to air out someones trauma without their permission. im sure a lot of you also know the shameful feeling that comes with being abused, and i feel sick even imagining if someone who had the knowledge of my abuse and who abused me went public with it without my permission because they thought it was for the best. that’s a disgusting, awful situation to be in, and it - again - puts the victim in danger. 

as for situations with misunderstandings? you have no fucking idea how angering it is when you feel like youre screaming your lungs out and everyone is ignoring you because they think they know whats best even if they dont have all of the information. you don’t know how damaging it is to be accused of something horrible just because someone misunderstood the situation!

if you are told that something is fine, that even if something YOU PERSONALLY think is weird has an explanation and with the context is fine, fuck off! listen to that person! stop bothering them! ESPECIALLY if youre not long time friends! it is so goddamn annoying for a total stranger to think they know whats best for you. stop getting into other peoples business.

(its okay to be concerned if youre a friend, but thats where you have a conversation and try to understand each others sides and talk it out from there. we’re not talking about that though, we’re talking about dumbasses on tumblr.)

these topics, these situations, if someone really IS in danger, arent games! they arent your chance to play hero! if youre wrong about something, its not just an “oh, whoops, who cares, its tumblr” type of thing! accusations have serious consequences! they change people and their behaviours, they can ruin relationships, ruin perspectives, theyre NOT something to be brushed off! god forbid there is ACTUAL DANGER, putting a REAL VICTIM in MORE HARM is absolutely not a “who cares, just tumblr” situation. you are literally causing people to be abused further just so you can be the popular kinnie of the week who gets a bunch of “omg ur so brave i didnt know uwu!” messages - or just for “fun drama!” which is, beyond sickening. 

we cannot pretend that tumblr having an extreme mob mentality is just an edgy thing said by anti-sjws or some shit. its the truth. people get harassed for legitimately no reason on this site all the time. combine that already existing mentality with people thinking they have an actual reason to hate someone? or combine it with people thinking theyre actually HELPING, and you’ve created a dangerous situation.

every single one of your actions has consequences. even on tumblr. i shouldnt have to say this. stop treating this shit as a game or just a fun way to get attention. grow the fuck up.

[silverandarsenic-hcs]

youve done vampire s/o, how about papa 1,2,&3 and the cardinal as vampires with a human s/o!

Ohhh this is so fun! Sorry this took so long topolino!!

(friendly reminder our ask box is closed and if you send in anything new its going on the bottom of the pile im sorry its just not fair to people who have been waiting MONTHS)

Papa I: he’s the very old, very tired type of vampire. he doesn’t have the time for the silly games of catch and release that the younger ones do, never mind his brothers, and he never did. If he was going to drink from someone he would do it, without all the glamour and fuss the others had become addicted to. he merely wanted to live his existence in peace without fear of being found. When he finally told his s/o, he sat them down, and explained the basics to them. When they told him they had already figured most of it out, he was shocked. hed been so careful about making it a secret, and going out of his way to shield them from what he truly was until he could tell them - not for his own safety, but for theirs. if he was going to tell them, it could change their life. he didn’t want it to negatively affect them, and it didn’t. the only thing that changed was a few more vampire jokes here and there, and a lot more honesty.

Papa II: when you think of a vampire, living in a castle, drinking the blood of virgins, relentlessly killing and killing again, you get Papa II. He has always said virgins taste the best, and he means it. While he isn’t exactly open about it and flaunting it, it’s not hard to see. in fact, his s/o was originally someone he was planning to drink dry and throw away. only he couldn’t bring himself to do it. there was something special, and different about him. so his s/o has known all along about his true identity, but fell in love with him anyways. bit of a beauty and the beast stockholm syndrome here, but he thinks it’s better that their relationship and love be built on honesty, rather than having to tear them down later and reveal everything has been a lie - or at least most things. it took II a very long time to come to terms with who he was, and even longer for him to accept that his s/o loves him for it.

Papa III: Now, what you’ve all been waiting for, III is the type of vampire who hosts masked parties, constantly surrounded by beautiful people who know who he is and cannot wait even a second longer for him to sink his teeth into them. everyone knows what he is, whether they believe it or not, the youngest emeritus says, is completely up to them. he’s cocky, and arrogant, and even obnoxious sometimes. his s/o was in fact one of the man half naked men and women who begged him to take a bite, but he saw something else in them. he couldn’t have brought himself to drink even a single drop from them if he wanted to. no. they’re different. they shouldn’t be offering themselves up to someone like him. he brings them away and tells them never to return, so he wouldn’t hurt them ever, but they just wont listen. each time they come back theyre more desperate to see what he really is. for him to drink from their neck. when he finally does, the bond has been created. from then on, they’re the only person III can focus on. its them forever.

Cardinal Copia: Ghost Twitter has been NUTS for Dracopia lately and i dont understand it and i will never do that cape justice, but this is what you get. Copia is the most unsuspecting vampire of them all. he leads a quiet life in the clergy, drinks blood from animals instead of humans, although it doesn’t quite have the same affect, and keeps to himself. he’s the one who has never come to terms with what he is. accept that his eternity is to be spent as a blood sucking monster of a man. no, not a man. just a monster. His s/o finds him at the worst and hardest time in his life. he’s so destroyed, and broken, and is beginning to wonder really what the point of feeding even is when he could simply starve himself away from blood. sure, he wouldn’t last very long, but those final days when there is no more consumed blood left in his body, maybe then he would feel pure. his s/o catches him in the act, a soft white rabbit between his teeth, blood dripping down his chin and chest. at first of course they’re afraid, but after he explains to them, a stranger, what’s happening, they begin to understand. his s/o helps him accept that he’s not a monster, just a creature. they show him that there really is things worth living for in this world, and that what he is and eats does not define him

- Judith