#telling ppl to watch more extreme toxic stuff I just think how extreme ppl like to say their tastes are is a bit exaggerated
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saw the results on that 'preferred level of toxic yuri' poll and ngl I think a lot of ppl on that poll are straight up lying or just unwilling to admit that their tastes aren't as edgy as they want to make it seem
the "most extreme" options are in a big lead rn and being around most of these 'toxic yuri' fandoms and seeing what the usual popular things are surrounding them like I'm sorry but a lot of you are lying maybe even to yourselves
#like I'm sorry but you go into a lot of these 'toxic yuri' fandoms and some of the most popular posts/ stuff around them#are ppl filling down the characters to be more palatable or soft#I don't really read yj fanfic stuff but it's very noticable how like the most popular tag is like -no crash au- w fluff or whatever#Rhaenicent (if you filter the omegaverse stuff) is like mostly modern au's which like to make them not have done anything bad ever#like idk from observation in what these 'toxic yuri' ships tend to get ground down into just makes me think most of these ppl just want#a ship that's codependent and don't wanna handle anything more extreme than that & the way they engage what they're doing in the source vs.#what they want them to do & what they actually talk about is way different anyway this isn't like me being high and mighty and#telling ppl to watch more extreme toxic stuff I just think how extreme ppl like to say their tastes are is a bit exaggerated#those two ships just mentioned cos a skim through the reblogs on that poll and seeing it's clearly a lot of yj hotd ppl answering there
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I still have plenty to say on the topic, so bear with me, the original link is here, it would be too much there I think.
Anyway thank you Sol @palaceoftears for these tags that succinctly sum up the main point of the original post, let's bring them as starting point here:
#joanna you ate this!!! missed reading you#truly love how deeply you analyzed that confronting suleyman IS confronting the system!#also the freeing aspect because like freedom doesn't have to mean happiness?#yes ofc hurrem wouldn't be happy knowing ultimately suleyman didn't love her & her children over himself#but it's still freeing to not live yout whole life brainwashed lol?#like I never get how ppl that loves her watch her going from 'i'll kill the sultan' & 'don't treat us as animals' to dependant on suleyman#and just go 'happy ending :D' about it#mahidevran sultan#hurrem sultan#sultan suleiman#magnificent century#muhtesem yuzyil
You know how much I dislike Surrem, but I absolutely get people shipping it without getting it like "happy in love" (huge kudos to my sis Tisha) since it's an extremely complicated, mutually toxic relationship, while yes they do love each other at same time. But they are both each other's heaven and hell simultaneously throughout the whole show, with Hürrem being in worse position due to power imbalance. Power imbalance that never fully goes away. He might also be dependent on her in emotional way since he himself comes to belief she is the only person who would never betray him (because she truly had least benefit in it). Don't be fooled though, if she had e.g. crowned Bayezid in S3 as Sah intended, he would have shown her no mercy. /I once mentioned a bit about them, also historically here./
And LBR she got mistreated by him (please, he told her to kill herself for him, and the goal was not to determine whether she had poisoned Mustafa truly) multiple times before S4, it was only because of the topic covered I mentioned S4 stuff, especially related to how he screwed her kids.
People think of stuff in "tangible" categories and why stuff like mere "awareness" (without leading a revolution or whatever lol) seems to have little meaning.
Which is again one of the main themes of the show - to give voice also to those who lost and as such do not have the "but we won, we were happy, we lived" defence always acting for them. Bah, even controversies or discussions surrounding them. They are losers, not even worthy to talk about, and put on sidelines. We often discuss what motivated the "big figures" who got to become rulers, even if we do not approve of their actions or criticize them. Rarely we talk about "losers". Which is what Mustafa's letter stressed - people will deem me as traitor, while your name will be written in golden letters because of all your victories. This alone will make your name remembered. And even considering that Mustafa was lucky in that people generally did not believe him to be a traitor, with Bayezid it was much harder because yeah he did openly rebel and it's not something we can deny. But some jump to conclusions like 'he was insolent and one day decided to rebel for no reason' (yes, I've seen such takes) is very simplistic. I do not even approve of a lot of his actions there since while I get his anger at Suly and Selim I hate how he involves plenty of soldiers in a fight without a chance to succeed as long as Suly ass lives, but damn takes like above truly erase what brought him to such point. Because he was the prince with bigger support at that time. He could have waited for his father to die soon and easily taken the throne. /And historically - yes if you actually dig up sources, he didn't wake up and decide to attack innocent cookie pacifist Selim lol/. Show! Bayezid telling Defne that he would be labelled as a "rebellious prince" for future generations with obvious evidence backing it up means a lot because even though he IS one, there is so much more to this story and what bought him to this point, starting from his father's attitude to him since he was a kid.
And damn I do need to stress the need for the critical approach to SOW (which does not preclude stanning the characters/getting interested in historical figures ofc)? Maybe not here, but I still see TikTok shit on “The big 5” introducing feminism to Ottoman harem. There is no revolution we can talk of in any case, but truly, where is feminism involved in Haseki institution? It only privileges one woman over others. The others are still required to serve them, which is why we had the Hürrem/Gülnihal and Nurbanu/Valeria stories. And what it ties with what Sol says once Hürrem tries to kill Gülnihal - her parents' ghosts appearing to tell her It's not revenge. It's not what you promised us. Meanwhile, the men are still in power, with a person like Suleiman having unlimited agency. More.. the man selects the woman he gives those privileges too. And even if he grants her freedom (if HE pleases so), it has little actual effect because we all know she is still forbidden to leave him and would have lost her kids anyway if she had done so. Thus said, the moment when show Hürrem slams the door to Sulyass' stupid face is one of my fave Surrem moments without a doubt and one of fave H moments in general ahsmshs. / BTW One day I will finally talk how Westerners focus more on say legal marriage when it that system having multiple sons was more ground-breaking because even free brides from noble families who did not have children had little power and agency. /
There is plenty of irony involved, just as Mahi finally freeing herself from attachment to Suly once he rejects her freedom to which he is entitled by the System. Bah, only he has the power to do so regarding his women. It's all only at his own discretion.
It is precisely what I also mean by "taboo-breaking" and the questioning Mahi does of Suleiman and the way he (as Sultanate) operates. In that world mere questioning could break the taboo. We do not know what future lay ahead for anyone, but damn what he kept doing was neither just nor wise according to the very norms of the times themselves. Yes, Mustafa was the most promising and fitting candidate for the throne and he did not betray his father, so Suleiman removing him from "open succession" was not even why this method of succession had been established in the first place and demanded from princes assembling their own support, also ensuring that he would be easily accepted to prevent discord and rebellions. Mustafa did it too well, the horror. And that him wanting to do something (also as he himself stated, since he got privilege of being the prince and be able to rule, he should not sit idly, but use it for good purpose and the people) only brought him troubles because of Suly ass own ego only shows again the problems with this system and being centered on one person so much. Suleiman violated a lot for his own agenda, centered around himself, not the future of the state. This is what Mahi is criticizing and stating it to his face when he tried to paint his son as a traitor to present himself as just and acting for the state IS taboo-breaking in itself. Asking the question instead of dismissing it all as "fate", as Mihrimah tried.
Mahidevran tries to awake Mihri, who while rich and "still in power play", is very similar to her in many ways (also with the one big sin that has weighted on them silently). They all lost. Even Selim. Getting Mihri's brother (Hürrem's son) on the throne did not mean triumph and happiness for her. Heck, even Selim is a walking wreck. It's not even about sides because SS truly managed to destroy everyone's lives, not only one side's, so in the end it's not even favoritism. All for him to go with his beautiful words, a show-off victory, and his beloved throne (while saying something else in his monologue). Mahi telling Mihri to stop holding her father blameless IS the moment making someone else's eyes open and maybe do not let actively go for something that will not help anyone out at this point, like causing discord between Selim and his son. These are small things that are important for the theme and how mental freedom is also of value. Same with awareness. Nobody expects revolution or claims something. And we are at a particular point when Mahi already lost Mustafa and says it already in the context with him gone. She won't resurrect him with her words ofc LOL. And Mahi truly didn't have to do this, just take popcorn and look at Hürrem's kids & other descendants fighting even more.
You can precisely see when SS decides how to dispose of Bayezid when Mihri says she will never forgive him and will be dead to him if he executes her brother. The lightbulb over his head in this moment lol. So her continuing to hold him blameless, while putting everything on Selim and Nurbanu is buying his shit and rules of the Sultanate. Mihri might have power, so she can stir things up in attempt to still "win", but.. they all lost. Her acceptance of it and stating it out loud before leaving Topkapi again has meaning. One might continue to have power and live in palace (unlike Mahi), but they all lost anyway. Mere meddling that can cause only chaos to still try to win is meaningless and can ony be harmful. As such, Mahi's words can have at least some impact.
Mahi and fate as Sol's post with Plami's commentary also has this delicious tidbit with mirror - most likely Hürrem would have never ceased to hunt down Mustafa after Mehmed's death because she had decided on eliminating him long before that and kept carrying out the plan via concrete & repeated actions. However, Mahi still questions herself on that because she can never know. And even if it changed nothing, it still tormented her and polluted her conscience. Because culpability is still there, regardless of "system" and circumstances" and whether it has any tangible effect or not. Same with Selim still being culpable even though SS wanted Bayezid executed. He still chose to do so anyway. Bah, he is actually very self-conscious and states clearly that he won because unlike the others he was able to kill his brother.
Similarly, Mustafa, Cihangir, and Bayezid also made their choices. Mustafa could have axed Suleiman and it would have been hard to blame him for this in the situation it boilt down to. Actually, he was the one with biggest support at that moment, so rules of the Sultanate definitely allowed him to dispose of an aging ruler who began making a multitude of mistakes. He had the biggest power at his disposal if he wanted to. Moreover, Musti also chose to invite the member of the opposition faction because she was his sister, despite said sister openly declaring her standing on the opposite side and speaking to him "with her mother's words" last time they met. Once more, instead of rules of Sultanate and how the system expected him to act, he chose familial bonds.
Then again, Bayezid did have Selim on his knees in front of him and chose not to kill Selim, despite Selim never promising him any change or begging for mercy.
They both died, but they also could have chosen differently and compromised their conscience and values in the process.
Yet the opposite choice to adhere to the Darwinist rules and get the throne at any cost is not something mechanic that promises happiness or safety, either. Actually, it can make you painfully blind. We see Hürrem deciding blood will be spilled only of her enemies once she learns her son is going to end up on the throne. When she meets with the witch after Mustafa is dead and the throne for one of her sons IS a certain thing.. it's not what she wanted to hear, starting from her own imminent demise from natural causes. Same with her trust in the "human face" of the Sultanate aka Suly ass:
The "right, sultana?" is an ironic call-back to the beginning of the episode when she uses same words about Suly's power to exclude herself from the matter of Mustafa's death.
Also let us note the use of the word "destiny"😱 .
Also, Hürrem did not come back to ponder her preceding conversation with the witch earlier, as she had another proof of herself not interpreting it correctly - when she assumed Nazenin's baby would be the one the witch predicated as the Sultan. Nurbanu was after all pregnant with Murad at the same time.. so no, the witch was not mistaken, Hürrem was simply so caught up in her own vision of how it would go (also with Baye taking the throne) or assumed the witch to be mistaken, so she didn't notice it was about her grandson.
Another interesting thing is that the witch also predicts Mihrimah's future and that while her physical illness will pass soon, the spiritual pain will soon start and persist.
Because even if we "win" in that we survive, it does not need to bring happiness with it. At all.
It doesn't work like this either (Mihri talks about sacrifing Musti and Cih), while we are at it. There are no simple mechanisms like that! And how Mihri adopts her mother stance and calls her out that only one of her sons can survive according to the Darwinist rules (which is also what Rüstem advocates in any circumstances, only for him there is no support for Bayezid really... any can go) is just irony at its finest, and it stems also from her feeling of guilt - I already tainted my conscience and went again familial bonds, so let it at least mean victory for my favourite brother. She is now quick to accept one of them will die, she just wants to ensure it's not Bayezid.
Another of Hürrem's children that do adopt her "survival no matter the cost" agenda (and no, it's hard going for that to "pacifism" agenda shortly after getting what you wanted), and to a bigger extent, is Selim obviously.. Selim states to Bayezid that he will live because he is capable of killing his brother for his own survival. But we know what sort of life this is (and that he won't live long from history). He might later quote his mother to Mihrimah and convince himself that since nobody is innocent under this dome, so only the deserving win, but outside that, he does call himself a "brother killer" and does consider it a burden. /And Selim being his mother's son is another fascinating topic, since he was like.. her least fave and yet he is the one most alike her and who most absorbed her views and agenda.. to later emerge as sort-of third unexpected faction /.
Neither Mihrimah nor Selim ever found peace after adhering to the System's rules of fratricide. Bah, they cannot even be a family again as the only surviving members.. instead they openly accuse each other of being brother killers. Judging by history, they will eventually learn to co-operate, but nothing will be the same ever again. There is no moral victory in it for sure. Selim does not claim it any point. Actually, he is the one to point out that: We all lost. Innocence died and nothing will be as before. We can accuse Selim of many things, but he is a pretty self-conscious character indeed.
The others might be dead, but they did adhere to their principles and values due to choice.
The power of reflection or questioning is also tied to to the concept of choice as what makes us a human. MC never promises us happy ending (how it could, we all know the ending point), but the mere presentation of choice, of humans trying to create something positive, like Mustafa, Bayezid, and Cihangir deciding not to fight against each other as expected, is meaningful.
Instead we got nobody truly winning or benefitting from what happened LBR. It cannot get worse than that, really.
The whole issue again reflects what I said earlier in that post on how Erdogan historical propaganda works. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but there is no questioning at all. Instead we have normalization of violence and presenting it as something necessary, and that there is no choice or alternative to what happened. The sultan killed his brothers, but he had to. It was necessary, it was automatic. There is even no person behind it, but a robot always doing the right (even if brutal) choice because "it was like that".
And to some up the great ironies of life, we can remember that Mahi who lost it all... survived them all, so she won the Darwinist game in the end despite being rejected by System multiple times:
#all the ironies of life indeed#'the strongest survive and win'#as if#regarding everything in this statement#the topic of free choice vs system vs fate is soo fascinating in MC#Maybe will talk even more on the topic#let's see#mods opinions#meta
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So, I've been thinking and I wanna do a creepypasta x y/n type thing, if y'all could send requests n stuff that'd be awesome. For now tho, let's start simple.
Tw: these characters are mentally unwell individuals who don't typically have the means for therapy or medication, they aren't meant to be perfect, and just like so many other ppl they can be toxic and exhibit bad behavior such as self harm, possessiveness and so much more.
WHAT TYPE OF LOVER THEY ARE.
Toby- ooooh boy buckle up for this one. Toby is extremely sweet, almost sickeningly so if we are being honest. However, he does have really bad episodes. Toby has many mental issues, some being schizophrenia and bpd(borderline personality disorder), along with bipolar. His mood can switch so quick and violently it's nauseating. He has episodes he has little to no memory of and severely struggles with self harm, eating disorders and much more. He does not mean to hurt himself and/or others. He tries his best to treat you like a prince/princess/royalty/etc. He loves to take you on hikes and anything physically active and outside, always having far too much energy. He's the type of lover who will carry you on his back or shoulders if you are too exhausted or even hurt. Speaking of which, never tell him you are hurt or gods forbid it's the end of the world. He will baby tf outta you. He's the true definition of "golden retriever boyfriend". Although I see him more as a rednecks bullybreed in my opinion. Sweet, smiley, overly energetic, smart but super ditzy but will bite someone if told to, forever loyal. During episodes where he's super down just rub his back and hum to him, don't force him to do stuff and take everything at one miniscule step at a time, instead of thinking "just take a shower then rest before something else" think "ok, turn on the water, see how far you can go and if you are too tired that's ok, I'll help you, if you just don't wanna, that's ok I'm here let's watch or listen to music". Honestly he just needs a lot more love. He will be protective, playful and always willing to help. A good boy.
Tim- Oh dear Thanatos give me strength. This man is such a softy for his lover(s). He has such a gruff exterior and will always display it, however, when it comes to you that'll soften significantly. You are baby. That's that. He will treat you as his equal, always. This is good and bad though as he will forget that you aren't used to the shit he goes through as the unfortunate victim of the Operator. Don't get me wrong, he will eventually realize but it takes his brain a lil bit of calibrating first. For example, he can say something super insensitive then after a few minutes he's all, "aw shit, darlin I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that, are you ok? What I meant was-" He tries his damnedest I swear, he's just a mentally ill southern man, he ain't the brightest at times but he tries. Now, he can have a temper but rest assured it's unlikely he'll ever lay a hand on you, some other poor soul? Maybe, but definitely not you. He may slam a door or stomp about but he won't even breathe on you. Sometimes though, after a really rough day he can end up in a screaming match with you, but he'll try and make up for it like crazy. Breakfast in bed, more per names, maybe an "I love you" he seldom gives, hell he may even slow dance with you in the kitchen while you guys make food. This mf do be making dad jokes like crazy, he's toughen up a lot since marble hornets but he's still Tim. He's a goofball at times. And let's not forget whats also not battery powered. Cue the music. He loves sitting out on the porch or the windowsill strumming at his guitar or ukalele while writing lil lyrics, later presenting you with his song once it's finished. Also, he gives the best hugs, we love our strong short chubby king.
Brian- look at this hunk of a man. He is like a mix of Tim and Toby. He's smart, calculating, absolutely charming, but he can also be tough, silly and oh so caring. He will always throw around jokes and give the biggest smug grin afterwards showing his gorgeous smile(the cute Lil tooth gaaap) He loves to pick you up and swing you around with his big strong arms. Actually, he loves showing off for you in general when he can. He's really fit, constantly working out, but it's a bit unhealthy, hence why he's so obviously muscular. He doesn't eat a healthy amount and excercises too much, unlike Tim who is just as strong bit looks less fit. This man is the definition of a highschool Jock except he's actually super fucking smart. Now, be aware he's a psychology major, he can be very quite at times and is able to analyze every move you make. He is extremely protective, at times to the point of possessiveness but sometimes it's as though he couldn't really give af. He is an absolute beast of a man, he will use his extreme height, broadness and muscle mass to his advantage. However he is so soft with you. If y'all fight though he is not going to hesitate to pick you up and put you over his shoulders, put you somewhere soft and quiet and then leave for a few hours to cool down. He isn't prone to violence but be careful, if he snaps he blacks out and even Tim would panic in that scenario. He does do everything he can in his power to prevent this from happening, taking medication, smoking weed, going on a long hike, taking anger out on trees, etc. Tbh him and Tim are like dads.
Jeff- Jeff, oh boy. Now, he is definitely a lil rat bastard, as most short trans men(such as myself) are, but xe's not as bad as you may think. Honestly he likely will treat you like a best friend. It will make some morbid jokes, smoke with you if you want, do some stupid shit like vandalism, he don't give af. Xe is very into alternative fashion and music, if you enjoy doing makeup and all sorts of artsy stuff count him in. He won't hesitate to put you in a headlock btw. He will 100000% throw you around and wrestle with you for shits n giggles. It is also, surprisingly a hopeless romantic. He may act all cool on the outside, or at least try, but xe honestly is all heart eyes at the smallest bs. He is so supportive in his own way, saying stuff like "babe, I promise you, you have the absolutely fffffffffattest ass I have ever seen. You is THICC!" Also, please please please pleeeeease call xem "baby boy", "handsome" or even "bunny", he will absolutely melt, and do this while playing with it's hair while he's sitting down playing on his phone between your legs while yet on the couch? Aaaagbkghklg. This man will do anything you want istg. Also, hope you like dogs bc he's got two. Smile dog(aka smiles) and smiley. I know. So creative right? It didn't want to rename them after finding them so he just stuck with it, but he dies tend to call smiles princess though. Also, will absolutely make you his favorite food growing up that his madre made growing up, empanada.
Liu- ah, big mans. Oooooweeeeee. Liu's side is very reserved and quiet. They will kiss your palms and watch you all puppy like when you talk. He isn't huge on talking as he found with Sully it leads to more arguing. He is a body mods artist so if you want tattoos, pricings, etc. You bet he's doing em. Any price of you he modifies he will kiss oh so sweetly, however, they prefer to reserve kisses for spots you dislike about yourself or past scars to remind you how much he loves and appreciates you. He loves to be big spoon but they prefers you two facing each other equally giving affection so he can see how you melt into him while you also can see just how much he cares about you. Due to their job he does get some big bucks so you better love being absolutely soiled and pampered. Anything you show even the slightest smidge of interest towards is yours now. Also, please do his makeup if you do yours in the morning. Having you sit in their lap doing eyeshadow while he rubs your sides his so therapeutic for him. Extremely gentle giant, his issue is they have a hard time communicating and shuts down when confronted. The best time way to deal with an issue is through notes. He likes to pass notes to one another before speaking and agreeing to a solution fully. They don't usually outwardly show if he's upset, but trust me, you will know. Sully doesn't keep his mouth shut ever.
Sully- Sully is very different from Liu. He's very outgoing and brutally honest, extremely blunt and talkative. He will be extremely wary of you at first, and he has severe, and I mean severe, commitment issues. They'll eventually come around though. They love to show you off, constantly holding you up on a shining pedistle for all to see. He likes to hype you tf up. They also love to dance with you, please dance to some Spanish music with them, it'll make their heart race. He also will give you so so so many kisses if you do anything to honor his heritage as his mother is Latina and he grew up around his Mexican family and even lived in Mexico part of his life growing up. If you sing porque te vas to him he will absolutely smother you with kisses. His favorite food was for sure tamales whilst Liu preferred mole.
Otis- Now, Otis is extremely reserved and can come off as cold when he's not masking. He does card though. She just has a hard time showing it he's not huge on giving physical affection or verbal. He typically shows his love through handmade gifts. He does enjoy cuddling on the couch after a rough day though. They don't hate physical or verbal affection, but growing up he was forced to give affection when he didn't want to and was more often shown "affection" through violence, not to mention she's worried that whatever you are wearing will set off their sensory issues. Otis will 10000% shut down if in a argument, but if anyone threatens him or puts hand on them, she will kick their ass no matter what. Otis is a big boy and exhibits behavior very similar to that of a cat. Her favorite thing to do is to sketch, draw, or paint you when you aren't paying attention. He just loves the way you look and the emotions he feels when observing the work they've created. On a really bad day the best thing for you two to do is take a bath bubble bath together surrounded by yummy smelling candles, ambient lighting, and of course having your skin touch hers. She loves the way your skin feels but hates clothes, if he had it her way he'd never wear clothes but sadly society says otherwise. Their thought process is(as is mine) nothing is innapropriate unless someone makes it innapropriate.
Jack (E.J.)- This man is very cold. He doesn't comprehend emotions as much as he used to before the incident. He loves observing you and trying to determine what emotions he is feeling in that moment. He is extremely blunt and anilitical, always saying whatever he is thinking to say. He struggles with having mercy on your emotions. He does apologize and feel guilty when he finds out it made you feel negatively and is always willing to learn and work things out. He wants you to feel safe, comfortable and loved with him. He believes he is a hard person to love due to his situation, believing he is a hideous monster. He severely lacks confidence and it takes a long time for him to even give you a peak at his skin, nevermind not wear his mask around you. He believes you are the most gorgeous person in exhistence and wholeheartedly believes it. He struggles a lot with his hair and it's very damaged. Jack, prior to the incident was a black man and as such his hair was extremely thick and had a super tight curl pattern. Now he typically keeps it straight, please teach him how to take care of his hair, he loves his natural hair but no one taught him how to take care of it as he was adopted by a racist white family growing up as a teen. give him some locks, cornrows, extensions, box braids, hell, teach him how to keep his hair in a natural state while styling. He loves you touching him and you doing his hair not only boosts his confidence but also is extremely therapeutic for him and he views it as romantic and affectionate. He loves to take care of you and you taking care of him makes his heart swell with love. This man is extremely loving, he won't be too clingy or overbearing, he respects your boundaries. He's simply content with the fact you don't hate or fear him. He does like to sneak up on you though. The little noises that come out of your mouth when you notice his large frame towering over you suddenly is both adorable and hilarious. You are his little rabbit, his mate, his lover, what more can I say?
For more scenarios and characters pls simply comment or send me it privetly as an ask or message.
#mercityart#slenderverse#creepypasta#slenderverse headcanons#Slenderverse x y/n#slenderman#Slenderverse x reader#Creepypasta x t/n#Creepypasta x reader#Ticci Toby#Ticci Toby x reader#Ticci Toby x y/n#Tim Wright#Tim Wright x reader#Tim x reader#masky#Masky x reader#masky x y/n#Tim Wright x y/n#marblehornets#Marble hornets x reader#Marble hornets x y/n#Jeff the killer#Jeff the killer x reader#Jeff the killer x y/n#Creepypasta headcanons#ticci toby headcanons#Jeff the killer headcanons#Tim Wright headcanons#Masky headcanons
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g-guhh... i watched this movie the other weekend and i wanted to rewatch it again before posting anything but like.. homie i honestly dont think my heart can take that lol
so from the aspect of like,, the amount of buildup and quality of the development of relationships and characters and just overall emotional-ness of the movie compared to the anime, clearly the anime is superior... HOWEVER.... this one decided to completely bypass the part of my heart dedicated for anime feelings and just jab right into the part that made me feel genuine heartbreak. so like,, i might be projecting my own feelings n experiences onto this a bit too much but i just gotta talk about it hehe
obviously ugetsu and akihiko had some super mixed up feelings towards each other that made their relationship super toxic and i just wanna talk about the complexity of those feelings and why i think they felt how they did.
so i think that one of the biggest reasons they stayed together in their on and off sort of thing was because they were each others first loves. i believe akihiko mentioned that he moved in with ugetsu before he got the chance to live alone or smthn like that,, and they basically started their adult lives knowing nothing but each other. they were still developing as ppl and finding their own way as adults,, but before they were allowed to fully mature, they fell in love and fell into this almost codependent relationship where it was hard to imagine themselves without each other bc at this point,, all they knew was each other.
another reason they fell in love was because of their shared passion for music and for the violin specifically !! but i also think that this is one of the major things that caused their downfall. i think that they ended up putting too much of their relationship onto that shared passion so it was no longer like,, something individual to each of them,, it was no longer about their individual passion for their craft but something that was holding together their relationship. and sure, having something so strong connecting two people can be wonderful, but it can also be harmful if it takes something so personal and unique to each person and is suddenly forcing it to be glue holding them to each other that leaves little room for their own expression if that makes sense.
i think this shared love of music was also causing akihiko to feel like he was living in ugetsus shadow. and honestly, when u have a partner who is just so perfect at everything they do and u cant seem to catch up to them, it becomes rlly exhausting. akihiko didnt want his partner to see him as lesser or to pity him or act condescendingly seeing him struggle to catch up to his own talents so i think that could be part of what drove akihiko away from the violin. aside from this,, i think that since akihiko fell in love with ugestu due to his epic violin skills, he started associating the violin super strongly to ugetsu and no longer felt like it was an extension of himself,, but just something to relate to his partner who he also felt was far superior to him in this subject. as long as ugetsu was in his life, the violin would only ever remind akihiko of his partner and it could never be regained as something personal and expressive of himself.
uhhh i think thats all i wanna talk about for rn regarding why their relationship got so messed up but like,,, i would also like to be emo about ugetsu for a second lmao
i just... when he was talking to mafuyu about how he was just sitting there waiting for akihiko to come home... how it seemed like he was talking less about their apartment and more like himself... UGH IM GONNA CRY BRO THAT FEELING WHEN U THINK SOMEONE IS UR HOME AND U THINK UR THEIRS BUT UR BOTH JUST MESSED UP AND TRAPPED IN A BROKEN HOME.... and also how he was clearly not having any of his needs satisfied by akihiko and would yknow have sex w other ppl and stuff but still go back to akihiko and it was clear that nothing rlly meant anything to ugetsu without him... god my feelings pls... HHH AND THE SCENE WHERE AKIHIKO WALKED AWAY FOR GOOD.... FUCK DUDE IM GONNA CRY THINKING ABOUT IT... it just hurt so bad to see that akihiko had matured and was so easily letting go of ugetsu for the final time and yeah that was fuckin awesome for him and im rlly happy he had the strength and development to do that... BUT... u can tell that ugetsu didnt have that maturity... and u could just see the panic and heartbreak and just overwhelming emotions that he was seeing like dude i could fucking hear every voice in ugetsus head just screaming at akihiko to come back to him and hold him one more time ... but he couldnt say anything. he looked so lost. he hadnt known anything aside from akihiko ,, and his passion for music was still strongly connected to their love so i imagine that at this point he genuinely felt that he had nothing. not even himself. the entire person that he built himself up to be was always leaning on akihiko since theyd grown so much together and akihiko had always been something constant in his life to where things didnt mean much without him. and suddenly he was just,, gone. and he took every part of ugetsu with him. at this point im probably projecting more than analyzing, but this was just my take on their feelings and that specific scene. it was very very good that the two cut contact and are working to better themselves, and i know that they both knew that, but their whole situation was just. so fucking heartbreaking. and something extremely hard to do in that sort of codependent toxic relationship...
OKAY THAT WILL BE ALL BEFORE I CRY LOL BUT I HOPE IT MADE SENSE !!
#given#given ugetsu#given akihiko#akihiko x ugetsu#given the movie#yaoi#heartbreak#codependency#anime review
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hi it’s me... clicks across the linoleum of the dash wearing high heels w a spray tan like i’m a member of jersey shore suddenly..... best summary of willa is that she got moira rose as her #1 chara on a What Character Are You Most Like personality test out of thousands of options.... says so much. u can find her pinterest here n her playlist here 😋 like this or hmu fr plots!!
* ashley moore, cis female + she/her | you know willa deneurve, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, most of her life, on and off? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to watch me by the pom poms like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole sticking gold stars over old polaroids until you can barely see faces, dressing as marie antoinette at your high school prom & delivering fake laughter to a bratz doll you’re pretending is a talkshow host thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is august 1st, so they’re a leo, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her )
HISTORY:
willa ws born to honestly like….. the perfect family not to honk my own tit bt……………. they were jst rly quite wholesome. her mum celeste was this larger than life person who could never b contained by the four walls of any room she was in. she hd the presence of a gold glitter chess piece on an otherwise mundane wooden board. her dad marlon used to always joke that he had absolutely NO idea how he landed her bc he was just this like. rly average guy by all accounts n purposes….. blended into the sea in high skl……. had a few close friends but was never rly Notable or made a proper impression anywhere…… he always retold it as him coasting thru life until he met her in college. kind of like he’d been half awake before. they just Clicked n no-one cld believe she’d chosen him bt she was jst. completely head over heels n didn’t care what anyone had to say bc that was That
willa always very much took after celeste…… there’s this one quote i remember reading that goes vaguely like “my mom and i would sit and listen to leonard cohen and joni mitchell lyrics together. from a young age i remember her being like "i’m playing this song and when it’s done i want u to tell me what’s happening in it” n she would give me a fake glass of wine when i was 8 and i would listen and b like. i think there was an affair.” which so much summarises their dynamic…… she ws just so like. dramatic n fun n always encouraged that in willa too. her mum was like. everything she aspired to be…… got scouted by a modelling agency in college n shot one campaign before blowing it off simply bc she was bored. starred lead in a play. spent a few weeks travelling asia selling handmade candles shaped like koi fish or curled up foxes or elegantly stretched hands. dated a parisian movie star during a break she and her father took n was featured in tabloids on his arm at the premiere. sm fun n exotic stories willa literally cldn’t get enough. whenever she’d tell them to willa as a kid her dad wld roll his eyes like ohhhhh here she goes again but it’d all b playful n he’d smile bc he honestly cldn’t get enough either. the stuff dreams are made of luv (lizzie mcguire stans rise)
(car accident & death tw) so u know when ur walking down a flight of stairs n then out of nowhere u miss a step n u get that lurch in ur stomach like ur in free fall? yeah. i won’t go into it too much but one night they were driving back from getting frozen yogurt and then suddenly they weren’t. she doesn’t rly remember much about it except for completely ignoring the doctors trying to give her the news and just saying “dad chose pecan. who chooses pecan?” n repeating that over n over n over until it didn’t rly register in her ears as english any more.
willa was uprooted from irving at 11 to go n live w her aunt in NY. this was like. a huge adjustment honestly….. her aunt blanche hd always been a little unconventional bt extremely glamorous. she lived in an old defunct theatre she’d bought out n came from a lot of money. willa’s mum’s side of the family hd always been well off bt celeste opted to live a little more Ordinarily shall we say after settling whereas blanche ws jst balls to the walls dripping w eccentric excess…. wld say she was never naked bc she ws always wearing black opium by yves saint laurent…… probably the living embodiment of la vie boheme….. she’d been admitted a yr early to a rly prestigious parisian design school n is an AMAZING seamstress. a corset she stitched a broadway star into got commissioned fr an actress’ red carpet walk at an indie film festival. rly just lived such a life rich w lots of stories n lots of talent too…… had that star quality essence tht her mum had n that was smthn willa found quite comforting everything considered.
(grief tw) u would think maybe a situation like this (one involving so much sudden change) wld cause a kid of tht age to withdraw into her shell bt willa only came out of her shell MORE. she coped w her situation by spinning it into a celebrity origin story inside her head. the tear jerker tale someone tells during their x factor audition to get the judges rooting for them. mentally streamlining things. repackaging all that hurt as a surefire ticket to success bc it had to be useful for something right? there had to b a point to it right? willa decided the point was she’s a star. KFHSGKFHGFKHGKJSFHG. get it girl….. she ws literally just like ok well clearly i’m destined to be famous n i’m the main character of this story. this story called earth. it’s all about me.
rly heavily immersed herself in her high skl theatre scene……. loved experimenting w fashion n literally wore the most outlandish things like. she treated the hallways like her milan f/w debut every new school yr…… a lot of the things she wore were actual like. costumes frm her aunt’s collection…… she has a multi-story closet u have to climb ladders to reach things in like a very rustic library…. it rly wasn’t uncommon for willa to turn up one day corsetted like a pirate with billowing sleeves or sporting the baby blue gingham of a swedish milk maid. it’s like she literally jst…… became a role. always. every day. the world ws her stage. the cameras were always rolling. her aunt only encouraged this tbh n honestly? icon. we love to see it. willa partied a bunch n rly lived a lax lifestyle where responsibility was concerned…. her aunt ws her best friend…… made rly gd friends with performers in the drag club scene n loved the glitz of that….. lots of wild nights turned grossly bright mornings
snagged an agent fresh into her first yr of college (she gt accepted to a pretty competitive theatre program at [redacted] in NY bc i haven’t looked into what that wld be yet <3 i’m merely a helpless british lass <3) n booked a few commercials n things….. when i say willa wld enter audition rooms like she owned the place i’m rly not exaggerating…. once she turned up to a casting call for MEN n just walked right to the front of the line scraping a random chair along the way n then took a seat w her legs crossed popping a bubble in her gum as they all glared at her like wtf is literally going on who are u. she received several complaints n she was just like “ur all acting so jealous of me….”
i feel like she got a pretty big role in a theatre production in her last yr at school. haven’t decided what yet. maybe smthn rocky horror or even mimi in rent. this was meant to b some like huge moment for willa like yes girl finally making it ur on ur way this is what u wanted n she WAS happy abt it but once it was wrapped she jst had this strange like Huh feeling in her chest……. n a la celeste w all her exciting stories was just like well i’ve done that so what’s next? i think she’d graduate n then jst suddenly decide to move to irving in a fit of impulse. to all her college friends she’d be like “ugh a beach retreat is so necessary honestly the city is sooooooooo toxic this place cld literally enlarge my pores if i wasn’t so rigorous with my skincare routine” bt like 🤔 what u seeking girl? results pending.
SO basically i feel like she finally moved back to irving little over a yr ago. she hd a brief stint starring on a reality tv show tht filmed in one of the larger beach houses where her dog gained a handful of fan accounts dedicated to him……. u maybe will see why in the first bullet point of her personality section………… FKGHKSHFGGKFSHKHG. honestly she ws received pretty well too (mostly bc she’s so fking dramatic n like a caricature of a person) bt it wasn’t anything to warrant actual Fame (despite what willa herself might think). she’s mostly jst like. chilling honestly. accepting scripts n flying out fr auditions still. she’ll nab the occasional part bt she’s looking for that One Thing that rly feels like her big moment….. otherwise i cn just imagine her treating irving like a little dollhouse compared to the roaring mansion of NYC n having fun playing around in it. strikes a pose w a hand on my hip…. and now to personality.
PERSONALITY:
got a very large n lithe greyhound n named him marlene dietrich bc she was a black n white hollywood starlet famously known for her affairs n “bedroom eyes”. willa was like ugh. icon status instantly. didn’t rly foresee the responsibilities tht came w owning a dog tht loves exercise n complains abt him being like “ugh he wants to run soooooooooo much 🙄 like where are u literally going”. having said tht loves him dearly n he can often be seen wearing little clothes. a baby’s bonnet. a quilted leather waistcoat. a custom dog boa. he’s very glamorous. willa calls him a gay icon despite no evidence to support this theory. she also says he can sniff out evil in ppl so she brings him sometimes when she’s first introduced to a friend’s new bf n if his nose quivers a certain way she’s like “marlene has spoken. it’s done”. her friends r like omg? what’s done? willa gets up n walks away without elaborating. marlene’s little paws clicking along the floor w attitude.
literally dressed as marie antoinette for her high skl prom even tho there was no theme pertaining to this. jst loves the spotlight. can fake cry and WILL to get out of a parking ticket or teach someone to watch their tone or even simply for the theatrics of it all. the Most dramatic………….. rly fits being an actress like when people find out what she does it’s very like oh that makes sense.
says she doesn’t get hangovers. she’s just like “i revoked that it doesn’t happen to me”. alludes tht this is bc she’s an all powerful deity that was Chosen to be Blessed bt really she’s jst great at bouncing back n acting fine even w a blistering headache. it’s about believing the performance so much that u even convince urself.
has an extremely elevated sense of self importance bc this is kind of the equivalent of several layers of bubble wrap to cushion her frm the world. strives to b extraordinary bc ordinary honestly feels like a death sentence n there’s nothing she’d want to b seen as less. despite this weight she puts on that she rly doesn’t tend to let ppl’s opinions affect fr the most part like she’s quite firmly set in this I’m Literally The Most Gorgeous And Beautiful Angel Star Creature To Walk This Narsty Little Earth view
probably an incredibly big fan of dramatic short lived love affairs. she wants the glamour of it all. the scandal. the randomly breaking up w someone in a public place n sliding on sunglasses after delivering the words over a freshly ordered coffee (tht she’ll leave without drinking bc that’s star power babey she waits fr no man or no hot beverage)…….. has no preference gets w any n all regardless of gender……… romanticises things so they hv a better spin or story in her head n doesn’t rly take things seriously like jst has fun in her fantasy world…. she’s like ugh chuck i know u wanted to marry me but i’m a beautiful bird in a cage n u literally need to undo the latch n set me free……. the guy’s like……. my name’s chase n we’ve only been on two dates….. willa’s like…… please don’t take this so hard i can tell ur besides urself but people r starting to stare……. gets up n leaves. no-one was staring. chase is confused n honestly probably semi concerned fr her welfare.
always has to b the hottest n most glamorous person in a grocery store…. probably goes to them when she doesn’t even need anything jst holding a basket nonchalantly over her forearm glancing over at a cashier in her wizard of oz corset seamed interpretation on a dorothy dress thinking he wants me soooo bad it’s not even funny….. seduces him over the check out counter jst for him to ask her to come back to his so she can lean back scandalised n cry “IS THAT THE KIND OF WOMAN U THINK I AM, PAUL?! YOU’RE A GHASTLY LITTLE MAN, YOU ARE….” with all the gusto of a telenovela. attracts the shocked glances of all surrounding elderly.
speaks fluent french. probably on her brief stint on tht reality show i mentioned earlier was like “ugh can you believe Deneurve of this guy?” n in her head was like this catchphrase is sensational it’ll catch on fast the twittersphere is abt to implode but it didn’t become a thing except for in a small isolated community. despite this she’s like “yeah it went viral….. go figure. just another day in the life.”
honestly like a lot of fun bt also a huge handful at the same time. keeps her real Serious emotions in a locked box bt is always overflowing w melodramatics n rly giving her all at the drop of a hat where Performing is concerned. probably Loves parties n sees them as another form of production in which she wants to b the lead. rly just. loves herself. except does she? 🤔 lifts my hand up like rihanna n winks. find out next time. lucky by britney plays as i slowly disintegrate in spiderman rp…..
WANTED CONNECTIONS
unrequited flame: willa burns thru people like matches. bright n fast. honestly i feel like she struggles to take romance seriously so it cld be fun to play around with someone who’s been singed by that in the past…. mayb they hd actual feelings whereas willa was just messing around n having fun…. living la vida loca so to speak…….. we can discuss a time frame or specifics to expand upon this but. sexy angst perhaps.
those she knew from childhood: willa moved to NY at 11 n i feel like it was very sudden n soon after the accident. maybe she didn’t even say goodbye. maybe they were rly close n all of a sudden she didn’t show up to school the next day n when they rode past her house on their bike the sign said sold and that was that. honestly very dramatic of her even at a young age. we love a disappearing act. houdini who?
acting rival: honestly jst feel like this cld be funny. willa’s so dramatic she’d be like i literally want them dead they’re a despicable little gremlin fr trying to steal my spotlight. cld be as simple as having auditioned a few times fr the same parts or something.
childhood sweetheart: i think it cld be rly cute n sad if there was someone that kind of echoed the dynamic her mum n dad had except she was the celeste n they were the marlon…. (open to any gender)…….. so like. willa was always very larger than life commanding attention in a room n they were more to the sidelines but they just kind of got each other n brought out the best in one another. added angst to the fact tht willa wld maybe want to avoid them as much as possible now bc it dredges up feelings she doesn’t want to confront where her parents r concerned n also in a way any possibility of them winding up together feels like sellotaping an expiration date to both of their foreheads in willa’s brain
someone who was either a fan of or also on the reality show willa was: i imagine it like a reinvention of the hills honestly except based in these irving beach houses…. probably didn’t run that long bt there was a bunch of drama on it mostly staged…… maybe they were willa’s love interest bt it was all fake fr the cameras…… it wasn’t like. a huge deal n didn’t rly catch flight so much where popularity’s concerned bt. cld be fun to play with <3
patti frands: jogs in high knees to translate that into party friends as i adjust my spectacles. willa’s very sociable bt she’s also like kind of full of herself n obnoxious so do with that what u will. KFHGKSHGKGHFSKG. she knows hw to have a gd time tho like growing up she was rly into the gay club scene n the drag scene in NY so like. let’s hear it fr the gays who know how to do it right <3
someone equally over the top: i luv the idea of willa having someone who just like runs with made up scenarios n roles she makes up on the spot n them hanging out is like a 24/7 improv session tht they reel random surrounding strangers just fr the fun thrill
the other woman: willa is quite detached n selfish so she wld easily be the other woman in a relationship n not care about it n this cld make for good spice <3
#irvingintro#death tw#car accident tw#grief tw#i think tht's all of them#smiles at u all w hand on hip#this intro's so beefy bt wht else is new truly just can't control myself apparently... shocked. aghast. shaken.
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currently reading persistence for the fourth (fifth??) time and like, no joke I could write an essay on it but I'm not here to do that in your askbox because that'd be weird but I just wanna say I fucking love this fic so much. scout has a very Bad Romance by lady gaga vibe and I appreciate his and sniper's dynamic so much. for like the first half of the fic it's teetering between FWB and something that could end up being seriously unhealthy/toxic for scout if sniper were a less caring/in-tune partner. he's put in a difficult position where he could very easily take advantage of scout even by accident and scout would let it happen for the sake of not being alone. same anon that sees bpd symptoms in your interp of scout and it's most prominent in this storyline. and then sniper? gosh, get you a guy like that if you can because even though I think his handling of scout's issues early on could have been better, sniper is pretty out of touch emotionally and he really did try his damnedest when he started to realize just how bad scout was doing. love it love it love it. as much as a I wish there was more content for that storyline, I think where you left it off really was just *chef kiss* and some stories are better off if you leave them on a note like that. aight gonna stop word vomiting all over your inbox now have a good one
i can’t stress enough anon that you’re literally not being weird and i appreciate the hell out of you dude
and yeah persistence as a fic is very much just like. living in the weird grey area of boundaries that happens with just, having trauma or baggage in casual relationships. like, being from sniper’s point of view the whole time especially, the majority of the fic revolves around this question of whether it’s scout’s responsibility to communicate even if it’s difficult or almost impossible to do, or sniper’s responsibility to push him to open up about his boundaries even if that risks hurting scout in the process. like, how do you express that it’s hard to be vulnerable without vulnerability? doesn’t refusing to talk about something speak for itself? saying what is and isn’t okay with you is already a really personal experience, and telling someone what makes you uncomfortable is, in a sense, giving them a playbook of ways you’ve been hurt and how they could hurt you if they really wanted to. mortifying ordeal of being known and all that.
and beyond that there’s this recurring situation in the fic of both of them trying to figure out how much they’re supposed to care. to scout, sniper caring so much about not hurting him and crossing his boundaries is a pretty meaningful thing, but to sniper, it’s not even a question, it’s what he would want to do for anyone. and to sniper, this recurring thing of scout wanting to spend time with him outside of just sleeping together starts to tread into relationship territory, but to scout it’s just the most obvious next step after a while—how could he do anything else? why wouldn’t he want to get to know sniper better the longer he knew sniper, and why wouldn’t he want to spend time with the guy? so over the course of the fic, sniper and scout both have to acclimate to the basic standard the other one wants—communicating boundaries and hanging out together, respectively—while also dealing with the weird vibes they’re getting from each other and trying to figure out how it’s *supposed* to work. hell, it takes them a chapter and a half to even ask the other one if they’re exclusive.
one thing in the fic that i needed to stress was that while sniper didn’t always know where specifically scout’s boundaries were with things, he would never even dream of crossing one on purpose. over and over, scout puts himself in situations where he’s extremely vulnerable, and anyone who didn’t care about him could easily take advantage of him and hurt him pretty badly in the process. and sniper never does—and more than that, he very much notices that this is a recurring thing, even if it’s obvious to him that scout doesn’t. and he keeps trying to watch scout’s back when it’s increasingly clear that scout doesn’t always have his own best interests in mind.
like, it’s just a fic about grey areas. because sniper doesn’t want to hurt scout, and scout doesn’t know that he doesn’t need to get hurt, and sniper tries to give him opportunities to back out of stuff and scout doesn’t always take them when he should. neither of them is necessarily in the right or in the wrong, and maybe sniper should be more patient but at the same time he deserves to stand up for himself when scout starts pushing his buttons for the sake of pushing them, and scout is allowed to be hurt and have his emotions but that doesn’t give him a free pass to do and say whatever he feels like. neither of them is perfect, or even necessarily good, but they aren’t hurting each other on purpose and they wanna stop hurting each other and they wanna get on the same page, even if they both kinda suck at it.
anyways yeah i have a lot of feelings abt the fic overall and could probably keep rambling abt it, i promise i’ll write the essay if you don’t anon
for ppl who haven’t read it yet it’s over here, i should note that it’s got a lot of adult content and that most chapters have trigger warnings attached to them after the first two, keep yourselves safe it’s important
#shut up me#everybody talks#my fanfiction#i have things i would change abt some of the fic in terms of events and ordering them but overall im happy with it#i appreciate that like. its a fic that can help people?? is the best way i can put it#lots of like. visceral feelings attached to it yknow
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You said we can ask you questions so here goes( hope they arent invasive)
-at what age did u realise u were lesbian?was it easy/hard to accept?
-how was your coming out like? How did your family and friends react?
-were you ever/are you religious?do u believe one can balance between being homosexual and religious?
- were you always masc or is it something that came with accepting your sexuality?
-do you call yourself a stud?
- how hard/easy has it been being an out and proud black lesbian?
- thoughts on the stigma against stud4stud/butch4butch lesbians
-were you ever a TRA/libfem? If yes, what made you peak?
-ive had ppl talk about how masc lesbians being touch-me-nots is problematic/toxic and how its more about upholding a "status" than it is about preference. What do you make of that?
Not invasive at all! I'm happy to answer and thank you for asking :).
- I realized I was a lesbian at age 12 when I developed a HUGE crush on my gorgeous English teacher. I also got a small crush on a girl in one of my classes. I didn't grow up around much homophobia so it wasn't hard for me to accept that I was gay but what was hard was the absolute intensity of my feelings towards my teacher. I used to pray to god to have my feelings for her taken away because they were just so intense and I didn't know how to handle them (she was my teacher so I clearly wasn't going to ask her out. There was literally no outlet for what I was feeling so I kept it bottled.). My parents never brought up gay people in any positive or negative way and the kids I grew up around didn't really either. So me being gay wasn't something I beat myself up over. Once I accepted that I wasn't an overly invested straight ally, the road to acceptance was a peace of cake tbh.
-My coming out was... Well. I first started coming out to my friends when I was 13 and they were accepting of it. It honestly wasn't that interesting to tell you the truth 😅. All the peers that I gave a shit about never gave me shit for being gay. I never lost a friend for being gay. Coming out to my parents took me until I was 16 and the reason for that is because I genuinely didn't know how they'd react. Like I said, they never said anything about gay people point blank period. However, I was kind of forced to come out one particular night because my heart had been fucking shattered by a girl I was strongly crushing on at the time. I was pacing up and down my house, my best friend wasn't answering me, I could hear my dad's TV playing, it was late, I was tired, I couldn't sleep, I had school tomorrow, I was freaking out, I was devastated... I wanted to be comforted so I went to my father, threw my head into his arm and started telling him how my heart felt broken. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and when I said "nope" there was some silence and he was like "it's okay, I've known for a long time". I never actually said the words "gay" or "lesbian" during my coming out but I guess I didn't need to. The next morning, my father asked if it was okay if he could go tell my mom and I said yes. Long story short, my mom was even less surprised than my dad and she's the more progressive of the two so it wasn't really an issue (though she did tell me to keep an open mind in terms of liking men 😅 she seems to think I'm bisexual which is whatever because she never bothers me about it).
-Hmm. I don't like to completely cut out religion from my life. My father was extremely religious and now that he's gone, I feel it's disrespectful for me to say God doesn't exist. Like, "dad, you spent practically your whole life believing wholeheartedly in God but guess what! It was a waste and the thing you dedicated your life is something I think is a fairytale!" that doesn't sit right with me at all. I've been baptized and I used to go to church when I was younger. I think that there's no reason to shake my head at the possibility of a God. In terms of being gay and believing in God, I once watched a video by a devout Christian gay man who went through all the homophobic stuff Christians love to quote from the bible and gave the actual meaning behind them. I, personally, do not think that God is homophobic. I think that God's love is not something we have the capacity to understand. So, I, personally, think Christian gay people are perfectly fine and are already balanced. Here's to hoping that they stay away from homophobic churches!
-No, I wasn't always masc. As a child I was a huge girly girl. Like, legit, I wasn't a tomboy in the slightest lmao. I'm not sure when I started being masc. But what I do know is that I've grown far more masc over the years. I used to not want to dress too manly (no tuxedo's and no clothes from the men's section and no boxers) but nowadays I love all of those things and that's genuinely what I want in my wardrobe so I have no problem going into the men's section for my clothes.
-No, I don't call myself a stud. Love those guys though. The label I feel that's most accurate for me is masc.
-Um, I'm not sure how to answer this since I don't have experience being any other kind of lesbian. I guess it's just kind of tiring. I'm black, female, and homosexual. That's a LOT of different topics to give my attention to. The hardest part of being a black lesbian is knowing who to give my camaraderie to. Do I give it to black women? Black women AND black men? Lesbians? Only black lesbians? The lgb community as a whole? It's just a lot to think about. I will say, though, I think that it's a lot harder to be a masc black lesbian than a white one. Black women are already perceived as manly just based off of our skin color. So for me to willingly present masc can often be... A non-pretty picture in the eyes of society and I'm hyper-aware of that which is why I often have trouble going all out with the wardrobe I truly desire. That's my biggest challenge navigating the world as the black lesbian that I am. On a more positive note though, it's great being a black lesbian because I can have an opinion on everything and nobody can tell me I'm being racist/homophobic/sexist or stepping outside of my lane 😂. I'm on a three-lane road motherfucker and I'm not afraid to use all of them.
-my thoughts are that you should leave people alone. I will say though, I once read something that was like "if you call yourself a femme but the idea of being with a butch disgusts you, you're not a femme, you're just a feminine lesbian" and that rang true to me so it feels hypothetical (and nonsensical) if the reverse wasn't true as well. If a butch/stud shits on femmes and assumes they can't be as feminine as they are and ACTUALLY gay then I do have a problem. Butches and femmes have a history that's damn near inseparable from each other so for a butch to shit on femmes... I'd argue that they're probably not butch but instead just masculine lesbians. However, I don't care if two butches or studs want to date lmao. All the power to them, I hope they're happy.
-I definitely used to support trans rights more than I do now. I would correct people who misgendered others. I thought trans women were women. I was in support of bathroom laws. I never made posts about it, but I very much did believe it. Magdalen berns made me peak. I started realizing that gender makes no sense. I did some research and came to the conclusions I hold today. Even when I want to go back to my ignorance, I can't because I've seen too much by now.
-I honestly don't know. I think that some masc lesbians don't want to be put in that "feminine" position of being touched by their partner. It could stem from upholding a status but at the end of the day, sexual boundaries are sexual boundaries. What are you gonna do? Force your touch on to them? Yikes. Leave them be. If you're upset about your partner not wanting to be touched by you then get a new one. Clearly you're not sexually happy so leave. I don't think it's necessarily toxic unless they think there's something inherently demeaning in being touched by their partner or they do want to be touched but won't allow themselves due to trauma or feeling like there's a certain persona they must uplift. Other than that though, I don't see the issue.
Thanks for the questions, buddy ❤️
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I was the one with the ask. I want to apologize. I didn't wanna come across as rude. I love your blog. It was an honest question, since I haven't seen any spoilers which indicate that Cas and Dean are gonna make up. Also I have only seen spoilers where they said that the conflicts goes on after ep 9. Last thing was that Jensen didn't mention Cas as a reason for Dean being sad. But I saw ppl saying that Dean is gonna be shedding tears over Cas. I'd like to know if there's any reference material.
Okay so the first thing I need to stress here as in all cases is this: PR is not showrunning. I know I know, we say it all the time. You can’t really rely on small soundbites from the actors taken from interviews and put into clickbait articles usually to satisfy a specific writers agenda depending on the article they are writing.
The second thing to remember: People are going to hype up and sensationalise things on social media to gain attention, likes, notes, etc. You cannot rely on this information either.
What we actually know:
Misha said this: “Cas will return to the bunker and the boys. He’ll be sort of driven back into collaborating with them because we’re still confronting the big bad, which is God. But that tension between Cas and Dean will play out for some time, and we won’t really have a resolution to that. I think the audience, and frankly Cas, will finally understand what it is that’s upsetting Dean so much in episode 9. So we’re a ways off from that arc feeling like it’s resolved.”
This quote is from this article.
Then at DCCon the other weekend, the last question asked by Mel aka @/mishasdiary on Twitter, was basically to know if Dean and Cas patch things up and Jensen answered this:
“I will say this, there is an answer to your question in the show. It will be in episode 9 which we just finished. Let’s just say that Dean has a moment by himself, where he prays to Cas. That is a bit of a confession on why he feels the way he feels and why he treated Cas the way he treated him.”
You can see the answer here at about 58 minutes in (last question).
In your ask you sent me yesterday, you also referred to another article (link here) written with soundbites from Jensen. I believe you were referring to this:
"I think the state of his brother always worries Dean. That's who he fights for," Jensen Ackles told TV Guide. "When that support, that base strength in his life starts to waver and [he] starts to second guess himself, that will certainly affect Dean in a way of, 'I can't let him go down this road' or 'I need to figure out a way to help him out.' So it'll be a struggle, not against each other, but for each other. Sam is struggling to find a purpose and Dean is struggling to help Sam find purpose."
But this is standard talk from Jensen and it is also correct so I don’t see why anyone would read this and feel threatened about Dean’s relationship with Cas? Come on now, we aren’t like Bronly’s threatened by Cas’s mere presence. This is very true what Jensen is saying because the brothers are toxically codependent. But there is a true bond between them which has been poisoned over time. Yes Dean will be worried about Sam because Dean is always worried about Sam, but Sam is not part of the Dean and Cas break up narrative.
Jensen also had this to say which I thought was interesting:
[about Sam hypothetically dying] "That would have to be a bridge crossed when he came to it," Ackles said. "Right now, and for a long time, Sam's been the reason that Dean keeps fighting. If you take that away from him, then what does he have? Is there a will to keep going? I don't know how that would shape up from Dean's perspective. Maybe he finds something to fight for or maybe he finds somebody to fight with. Maybe he calls it quits."
So this is Jensen contemplating what life would be like for Dean without Sam, and he’s hardly saying “well if Sam died Dean would also want to die” because Jensen most likely knows that isn’t the case anymore. Bobo has been picking apart that particular arc ever since he wrote Red Meat.
So anyway, brushing off Jensen’s interview aside as nothing even remotely alarming or concerning for DeanCas fans (because we do NOT see Sam as a threat to our ship), lets talk about the prayer. We got Jensen’s spoiler first, and given this was fresh in Jensen’s mind, only shortly after he filmed it, I reckon we can safely assume that what he has told us is at least somewhat accurate (though we cannot of course account for how this may be cut in the editing room).
Episode 9 is Bobo’s episode. Bobo is basically holding the mantle for the DeanCas emotional arc this season (and last season) so I fully expect this to be the next big turning point in Dean and Cas’s relationship. Jensen has confirmed that when Dean is alone, he prays to Cas.
This is already setting a super intimate scene. Dean rarely prays as it is. We haven’t seen him pray to Cas since season 9. The fact that he is alone and not with Sam also confirms the level of intimacy. We can assume that Dean sought privacy for this prayer.
Now, Jensen goes on to say that Dean will explain how he feels and why he treated Cas how he did. This is already sounding like a proper explanation and potentially an apology. We will learn the mystery of why Dean (in Misha’s words) has been acting like such a prick. I never had any doubt that they would eventually explain it. I trust Bobo has planned this all out and knows what he is doing. He likes exploring Dean’s emotional responses - anger comes from fear and worry. Dean is terrified. That is usually why he acts out. Bobo has previously confirmed this and it was even stated in the show itself in Bobo’s episode 14x09 via Kaia. I think that Dean’s treatment of Cas is based on fear. This is why we are so excited (when I say “we” here, I mean me and the general group of wonderful people I scream with daily about this dumb show aka a bunch of meta writers or at least meta literate people). So Jensen has confirmed that we will get a proper explanation of WHY he treated Cas and also HIS FEELINGS on the matter.
The MOST interesting part of Jensen’s spoiler, is that he called the whole thing a CONFESSION. Dude. The last time Dean confessed to anything was in a church and it almost gave me a heart attack. Since that scene was the closest this show has ever come so far to Dean actually coming out of the fucking closet.
So not only is this an intimate prayer to Cas, an explanation of his bad treatment of Cas and an admittance of his feelings over the whole thing, its also a confession.
Interesting choice of words Jensen. Confession to what exactly? Because this is starting to feel suspiciously like a very profound moment between our two boys. It’s clearly an important scene.
Then Misha on top of this, has confirmed that Cas hears the prayer. Which yay for starters, and also think about how he explained the situation:
“But that tension between Cas and Dean will play out for some time, and we won’t really have a resolution to that. I think the audience, and frankly Cas, will finally understand what it is that’s upsetting Dean so much in episode 9. So we’re a ways off from that arc feeling like it’s resolved.”
You have to read this entire paragraph as one:
The tension will play out for sometime but Cas and the audience will understand what the deal is in episode 9. So we are a way off from that arcs resolution.
When Misha was talking about the resolution being way off, he was talking about the time between now and episode 9. He confirms that it is at least somewhat resolved in episode 9. That’s what I interpret as being implied here anyway.
This plus Jensen’s entire answer was to the question “when will Dean and Cas patch things up?” Jensen answered “episode 9″.
Like??? How are people misunderstanding this and blowing it so far out of proportion? Bitter people are so desperate to cling to their negativity that they are totally misinterpreting the information they are being given. It’s extremely frustrating.
Anyway, the one other gripe you had was about Dean’s prayer being about Sam or because he is worried about Sam. Okay except that has come out of absolutely nowhere other than bitters who are actually threatened by Sam which I find utterly ridiculous. So what if the prayer is triggered by Sam? Maybe Sam is in a perilous situation and Dean doesn’t know what to do so he prays. I mean, is that really so bad? Dean usually IS motivated by Sam, so it’s not exactly a huge deal. The main thing to focus on here is that the prayer will be about Dean and Cas and THEIR issues. It will resolve THAT ARC. The arc that doesn’t involve Sam.
Honestly, I don’t think that Dean’s prayer will be triggered by Sam though. Because Sam has never been part of this particular arc that Bobo has been writing. I mean maybe its possible that the whole thing could be triggered by Sam yelling at Dean to sort out his shit with Cas because they are stronger together and Sam is fed up of being stuck in the middle in which case GREAT because I would LOVE to see more exasperated Sam telling his brother to talk to his estranged husband. 12x10 is one of my all time favourite episodes BECAUSE OF SAM.
But again, I don’t think that an intimate private prayer confession from Dean to Cas will have anything to do with Sam because quite frankly, I can’t see how to fit him in a way that makes sense outside of my own 12x10 repeat above.
So please, stop panicking over things we don’t know. Stop making negative assumptions. Focus on the good stuff and enjoy what the show is giving us right now. I’m still riding the DeanCas break up scene high because that shit was romantic AF and no one can tell me otherwise. I’m still amazed that in this shows final season Dean and Cas’s emotional arc is getting pushed into the A plot. In all the years of watching this show this has only ever been the case once before and that was in 13x01-13x06. This is a huge deal. Enjoy it and stop letting negative Nancy’s drag you down.
#destiel#deancas#supernatural#castiel#dean winchester#misha collins#jensen ackles#spn meta#spn speculation#my meta#15x09#destiel dreaming#spn spoilers#deans prayer confession#the destiel break up scene#negativity for ts#fandom problems#asks#anon#Anonymous
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snr szn ~ advice for high school seniors
it’s not gonna be perfect, and that’s ok. high school movies tell us that senior year is this amazing time in your life where you have all these formative experiences that shape the course of your destiny or something, but in my experience this is not really the case. my senior year was somehow both excruciatingly slow and very fast, and it had ups and downs just like any other school year. so if your senior year isn’t a wonderful collection of instagrammable moments, don’t worry. everyone else is finding “senior season” a little underwhelming too, even the people who seem to be having the most fun. quite frankly, you shouldn’t want your senior year of high school to be the best year of your life.
college apps are important, but you don’t have to kill yourself over them. i know, i can say this because i just finished them, but it’s so true. applying to college is a horrible, tedious process that i’m going to attempt to break down in another masterpost. i went to a high school where people were fucking obsessed with getting into college, and it was sort of horrifying to watch people self-destruct over the process. even i (and i consider myself a fairly private, non-competitive, even-keeled person) went a little nuts towards the end. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, there is no reason on god’s green earth to apply to twenty or more schools. it’s expensive (most application fees are 60+ USD), time-consuming, and stressful. the only reason i can even see why you might be doing this is if you qualify for a bunch of application fee waivers, but even then, it’s just stupid. most colleges make you write secondary essays in addition to the common or coalition app essay, and that doesn’t even factor in scholarship applications, interview prep, and keeping up with school on top of everything. the best thing you can do for yourself is pick around ten-ish schools that you’re actually serious about attending and skip the hassle. you will get into at least one college if you apply smart. trust me. the people i know who went ham with applications were miserable all the time (even the smartest ones) and most of them didn’t even get into their top choice schools. when you’re churning out 3+ essays every month, it follows that they’re not all gonna be winners. additionally, know that life will go on even if you don’t get into harvard. relax. you have an entire life ahead of you. even if it doesn’t work out exactly how you planned, good things take time, ya feel?
you’re still valid even if you don’t participate in every “senior activity” possible. “but it’s your last pep rally!!” “you HAVE to go to prom!!” “let’s go to every football game this season!!” no. just no. you’re really not gonna remember a lot of this stuff. if large crowds of ppl aren’t your thing, if you’re stressed or tired, if you don’t have the money (a lot of these “senior only” activities are EXPENSIVE expensive or at least they were at my school), or if you just have no interest in homecoming or whatever, IT’S FINE. you don’t have to justify this stuff to other people. i let ppl guilt trip me into doing a bunch of shit for our “last high school memories” or whatever and uhhh i didn’t always have a good time. for one thing, i’ve never had a shit ton of school spirit or whatever and two, being around crowds of ppl is pretty draining for me. the only��“senior activity” i actually enjoyed was prom, but i knew ppl who skipped out on that and ya know what? i think they were ok. i never bought a yearbook. it’s fine. you should shape your senior year around what’s mentally/financially safe for you + and what you’re actually interested in, not what people expect you to do.
you don’t really have to do extracurricular activities this year, so don’t do anything you’re not truly passionate about. i stopped doing a lot of stuff like model un and science olympiad this year because i just wasn’t interested in them anymore. and i don’t regret it. to be blunt, you already have the lines on your resume filled by those activities if you’ve done them for a long time. so if you’re not feelin’ it, don’t waste your time. just do the things you wanna do. i did a lot of theater stuff last year and had a great time. it was super rewarding and i had a pretty good time with my castmates, and i was glad i had done that instead of more “academic” activities like scioly.
it’s ok to be unsure about your plans for the future. for some reason, this is the year, every adult in your life is gonna be like, “wHaT’s Ur MaJoR???” and “wHaT jOb Do YoU wAnNa HaVe wHeN u GrOw uP??” as a result, you can start to feel a lot of pressure around having an answer prepared, and if you are on the fence about what you wanna do with your life, you can feel like other ppl have their shit together a lot more and that you’re aimless and stupid. trust me, you’re not, though. i personally think it’s unfair that we expect 18 y/os, who in many ways are still kids, to have their whole life planned out. a lot is still liable to change even after high school, and I think you’ll be remiss if you don’t allow your dreams and ambitions to change with it. if you’re truly unsure about your plans but you know you’re going to college, i’d recommend making sure none of the places you’re applying to are going to lock you down in a major when you set foot on campus. i have friends who are going to large universities who have already basically declared a major, which to me seems like an odd system. if 4-yr college isn’t in the cards for you for whatever reason, try taking a year off, getting a job, or community college. a lot of ppl i know look down on ccs, but to my knowledge, community college can be a great start to figuring out what you wanna do with your life. you have time. don’t rush it.
getting sick of your school friends is normal. it sounds mean, but in my experience, it’s true. i mean you’ve gone to school with these people for 4 or more years now, and you’ve changed a lot. and that doesn’t mean you don’t like them and wish them well, but there can be days where you’re like “omg pls stop talking to me rn!!” especially in that lull after application season. don’t be mean to anyone ofc, but realize that feeling exasperated with your peers is just part of the process, and you’re not a bad person for wanting a little bit of space. in my experience, unless the issue is w regards to toxicity or people being generally shitty, ppl will be able to connect w each other much more normally after school is over.
you will get senioritis to some degree, but you have to push through it. it must be great to be one of those people who literally never stops working. but for the vast majority of us, some kind of senioritis will slap us in the ass after applications are done. you will have no motivation to do coursework but! remember that coursework needs to be completed! to be completely honest, once you’ve been accepted to college, you really only need to maintain a C average to not get rescinded, and i knew plenty of people who screwed around more than i did and they didn’t get their admission rescinded. but like, you don’t want to be one of those people who somehow fails a class because you don’t “feel like” doing the homework. you need to graduate, you need to hold onto your scholarship, and you need to maintain your accepted status. quite honestly, you need to kick ur own ass and make yourself work, whether that’s by turning down invites to hang out, or putting your phone in a different room. also, don’t be that person who’s playing iphone games in every class. your teachers will think you’re an asshole, and that’s really not the move.
you don’t have to take everyone’s advice. this is the year everyone wants to be an expert on adulting, whether that’s your peers or parents’ colleagues or school counselors. in the end, your are the only one who can decide what’s right for you based on your financial situation and what you are comfortable with. i’m not saying “don’t take anyone’s advice”, because i truly believe there are some people out there who have the means to help you succeed. but i think you should pick and choose because you’re about to be fed a deluge of information that may or may not be useful or relevant to what you want to do. for example, people told me that i was limiting myself by not applying to any ivy league schools or very many competitive universities, or that i should lie about my race on my application (!!) because of the bias against ppl of asian descent in college admissions (note: i actually wrote about my heritage in my common app essay so it wasn’t like it was some secret lmao), which were uhhh not helpful. do what feels right and don’t feel the need to humor ppl who don’t have your best interests at heart.
don’t compare yourself with other ppl. it’s natural to be a little jealous of peers who snag acceptances to prestigious colleges on full-tuition scholarships or land dream jobs/gap-year programs right out of high school. it’s a bit of an ugly feeling, but i’m not gonna sit here and say i didn’t wish i was one of those people at a point. that’s disingenuous in the extreme. it’s ok to be disappointed if everything doesn’t all work out, but at a certain point you need to accept what’s happening to you and make the very damn best of it. wallowing in self-pity just because your classmates are succeeding is just stupid. also, recognize that everyone’s ability to achieve their post-hs goals is wildly different based on their own circumstances. if you are less financially able to pay for college, for example, your opportunities are more limited than someone with a six-figure college fund. it’s quite frankly naive to assume that everyone shares your experience. be happy for people who do well. be happy for people who are proud of themselves. don’t try to take other people down because you’re feeling bitter. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again-other people’s success is not your failure.
take time to do some much needed self care. senior year can be hectic, and it’s important to disengage from stressful situations. take a walk. watch a movie with your friends. take a long shower. don’t think you have to be “productive” all the time. you won’t be, and that’s ok.
#mine#studyblr#tips#advice#masterpost#high school#emmastudies#studylustre#heysprouht#heyaestudier#heyscholarly#gloomstudy#nihaonicole#studyhyphenblr#pridebulletjournal#adelinestudies#lookstudyblr#chrissiestudies#heysareena#academiix#succstudy#azrstudies#xiutingzainali#studyquill#elkstudies#quadrtics#grifstudies#tbhstudying
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holy shiiiiit i just watched Joker and i can’t stop thinking about it. i also just watched AHS Cult but one thing at a time. also i’m very attracted to joaquin phoenix and evan peters now. well i was already attracted to evan peters, and might i add, i liked him when he was spongebob in sleepover!!! lmao tbt to 2004 *spoilers alert* i went into Joker expecting interesting commentary on mental health, which i know is very vague in retrospect, but this movie touches on so many things. it shows you the crumbling of a broken man — it’s cringey, but intentionally so, and hard to watch at times. it made me uncomfortable, but i think it was supposed to. pheonix’s performance was amazing, of course. i just watched Her last week so i could compare his performances and he’s just so good. i see why there has been some criticism on the portrayal of mental illness. i think it was portrayed properly, his character clearly has a medical condition, but it’s easy to associate that with his lashing out violently. but that was inspired by his being fired from his job and everyone being so rude and mean to him and his mother dying, etc. there were many factors that went into his decision to lash out violently. the world kept beating him up, kicking him when he was down. literally and figuratively. the movie at one point even says how can you not go crazy in a world like this? the way things are now and that’s straight up relatable. i think one of the overarching and recurring themes is toxic masculinity. although it’s not verbalized or directly addressed, you see all these horrible men attacking him in different ways, whether making fun of him for his condition, picking on him and ganging up on him on the subway, the group of boys stealing his sign and contributing to the loss of his job, etc. and after he was jumped, his coworker gives him a gun to protect himself, which may have been with good intentions, but he handed a loaded weapon to a man who was suffering from mental issues and was extremely unstable and volatile... they show you how he was going to state or federally funded therapy sessions and how it gets defunded (powerful and realistic!!!) and then he has nowhere to go and he stops taking his seven medications... it was a recipe for disaster. then when he’s being attacked on the subway he ends up defending himself and killing the three men going after him. then you see the media paint a narrative that’s totally different from reality and you see Joker/Arthur slowly becoming what society is painting him as... which happens a lot but no one talks about it. so the media and the public interpret the attacks as the poor going after “the rich” bc the three men were wall street guys. you see newspaper headlines saying “eat the rich” and stuff and it turns into a whole revolution type of situation where people are rallying in the streets and that’s not what Joker intended at all. but that whole concept of poor vs. rich people is interesting and relevant right now. so the way Joker was modernized was great imo. then there’s the whole storyline with Bruce Wayne and his parents and how Joker was indirectly responsible for Bruce Wayne’s parents dying bc they were shot by one of the people at the rallies. and you hear about his mother’s former relationship with Bruce Wayne’s father... it’s so interesting!!! i’m not even too familiar with the original storylines and stuff but still. and you see how Joker faces rejection after rejection after rejection. no one shows him any kindness or compassion, not even his biological father, or so he thought. (side note: this makes me think about that security cam footage that came out recently where a school teacher/coach confiscates a shotgun from a volatile student and hugs him and completely quashes a potentially dangerous situation.) so you see Thomas Wayne tell Joker that his mother is “crazy” and he freaks out and i thought about how overused that word has become these days. not sure if that’s what they were going for or not but yeah. and then Joker learns that she actually was delusional and diagnosed as such according to medical documents and that he was actually adopted and all this other stuff which also contributes to his crumbling mental state and eventual violent lash-out. you see how he becomes a man who has nothing left to lose, and no one is more powerful than someone who has nothing left to live for. so then the scene comes where he shoots and kills robert deniro’s character. personally i wonder if the original plan was a mass shooting but then the filmmakers thought it wouldn’t be in good taste or show-able to the public bc of the state of our country rn, especially bc there was that other movie that was produced fully and ready to screen but canceled bc of public backlash over a mass shooting scene. bc on one hand, yes it might be in bad taste, but we have freedom of speech here and this is art they’re creating. movies have always been commentary on society. bc it would’ve made sense, it was a perfect recipe for someone who would perpetrate a mass shooting. Joker was angry with deniro’s character but also with the public... i think? well he was angry with deniro bc deniro made fun of him by showing a clip of Joker embarrassing himself while trying to pursue a standup comedy career. after seeing all that, i immediately googled interviews with joaquin phoenix to learn more about him and hear about his preparations for the role etc. and he was on Fallon and Kimmel and holy shiiiit it was WEIRD. it was ironic, meta, creepy bc it was so similar to the scene in the movie lol. Kimmel (fuck him) shows a clip of phoenix breaking character and angrily telling off some production ppl on set bc they were distracting him and phoenix is clearly embarrassed and uncomfortable and said it was supposed to be private. and i thought he was gonna shoot Kimmel hahah it was weirdly close to the movie.
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Transcribed and formatted for readability the master thesis between me and @wlwclem on the nuances to NaraTrish together and as individuals being why we love it and respect it not being CompHet- we spent way too much Big Brain Energy on it to not share
tw: brief mention of F-Slur when giving an example on toxic masculinity being bullshit, sexuality is briefly discussed in a non sexualizing way and in no graphic detail
*insert IM TRISH KIN BUCCIARATI joke here*
epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:45 PM
JDDBSJDBD YES bc ofc she gotta be Reassuring but at the same time his Himboism Knows No Bounds One of the lines in EoH u can give her is “Go get me an Italian Vogue magazine too while you’re at it” and I’m like. Queen
nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:46 PM
JDHDHDF BDE Narancia whipped Narancia stands no chance
epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:46 PM
OH FOR REAL one of HIS victory lines is something about getting all the stuff for her lmao And this is like even if she isn’t in the battle, Always Thinking Of His Queen
nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:50 PM
Trish decides to test the limits of this and his ability to recognize them by asking for impossible or nonexistent items/feats and when he continues to try for her without question she realizes she has too much power and must restrain it fjdjjdjfjf Can't turn into Dad
epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:51 PM
JDBDBSJS The color palette changes while she has an inner monologue while she watches him try to make her happy
nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:53 PM
"Oh my god Bucciarati was right...he's too loyal for his own good I need to stop even if it's a little fun" Meanwhile Narancia: growing more and more frustrated with himself for perceived failure to someone he loves
epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:55 PM
She stops for the most part but does it every so often bc it’s cute
nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:56 PM
Lucky to have a freak like dat I feel like the only thing that can counter this self defeatism Narancia can get (bc his younger childhood...ofc he's fucked up and anxious and paranoid abt not being enough or abandoned) is Trish having to open her own repressed self up and love the shit out of himLike those reassuring lines she has in EoH and her moments in the anime/manga Bruno fucking does it as his father figure and Narancia admits it gives him strength
December 19, 2019
epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:04 AM
Yes, he feels like he has to prove his worth and like he’s worth having around otherwise he’s useless, i def feel like he would not like talking about the stuff that happened in the past with everyone bc he would feel ashamed and stupid or st, he needs to be told You Are Enough and her to open up too so they can lean on each other
nozomijoestarToday at 12:12 AM
Honestly no jokes for a second I feel like this is also abt breaking toxic masculinity bc it's fucking Italy in the early 00s just out of the 90s...it was RIFE rifer than even now with that shit like in much of the world then too, the idea that a boy becoming a man and men in general need to strictly follow dumbass self harming rules
especially abt not opening up and only having real priorities for earning money, honoring family, and procreating as much as possible whether it's marriage making a family or "having sexual conquests" in promiscuity, anything outside of this bullshit image can't be tolerated and you might as well be a woman or "a fag" if you don't assert some fictional narrative of trying extremely hard to have power in everything bc that's all that matters is the ridiculous idea of Alpha Males applied to humans
Narancia being a 80s- 90s kid with the childhood he had did not give him much fighting chance at all in this context and time period esp just bc he happened to be born with a dick and thus saddled with these harmful expectations society made that could've only further repressed his recognition of not beating himself up and his own emotional needs on top of EVERYONE ever betraying him Where was he supposed to go? He can't go anywhere unless he meets Bruno
epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:18 AM
yes i agree..... like, males being looked down upon for opening up, being societally forced to shoulder the burdens and “man up” and just deal with it and fix everything. And then already having a toxic support system with his “friend” betraying him and his dad Sucking Major Ass, all he’s been taught is deal with it but hasn’t been given the tools to know how, and if Bruno didn’t meet him he honestly would be so stuck, what person (esp in that time period) is going to go out of their way to help an uneducated young male?
nozomijoestarToday at 12:20 AM
Even if it tragically ends with his death in canon I feel like the time he spent with Bruno's bois, Giorno, and Trish was huge in making some of that crack little by littleBc he has moments where you see how sweet he actually is, his "real" personality if you will underneath all the unresolved anger when he's with ppl he sees love him and give him hope When Giorno said No One Is Going To Hurt You Anymore that just made me cry harder
epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:23 AM
Yes! Like, ofc he gets angry, has unrepressed rage and reactions to things, he hasn’t had any type of emotional support in SO long and it’s not like it’s 100% fantastic in that regard with buccigang (which don’t get me wrong they are family but they are still in an aggressive gang and go off and give each other lots of shit)-YEAH AND THE FUCKIGN PLANT GROWING TOO IM
nozomijoestarToday at 12:25 AM
Trish is legit I think the one person aside from Giorno who would treat him without even the gang's aggressiveness Narancia is my fav in VA even if Bruno is the best written VA character bc he's me, this kind of shit in my life is why I developed PTSD undiagnosed since my childhood that only kept getting worse until only this year have I gotten any true help I know exactly how he feels
Esp when you think your whole life exists to serve others never yourself NaraGio shippers I see y'all argument even if I don't follow it tbh, Gio was again the only one besides Trish to consistently care for Nara in day to day and when he was in danger and esp during the Clash and Talking Heads fight Gio was the one dude present like No Narancia It's Ok Please Tell Me What's Wrong You're Clearly Stressed
epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:31 AM
yeah although i haven’t experienced it i can still empathize and try to understand, i think there’s so many layers of protection and walls that most people never truly look past it to see the root cause or true self YES that fight was so frustrating bc they were all like Narancia stop being an idiot when something was clearly wrong and he was obviously in distress!!
nozomijoestarToday at 12:32 AM
Also Gio was the only one who first asserted that No, Narancia did the right thing in fighting Formaggio
epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:33 AM
Yes and with that whole interaction the gang often uses Narancia as the scapegoat essentially and just give him shit for every little thing without trying to understand his POV
nozomijoestarToday at 12:33 AM
The Clash fight tbh I feel was an ass pull set up to give Narancia his big bad ass loyalty proving moment even if it's a great fight that beginning part is...only the Trish and Gio interactions rly make sense fjdjdjI wish him and Giorno hung out more or I guess more like talked more bc you can't rly hang out when you're getting assassinated every day hfgdg
epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:36 AM
Yeah hdkdb, even with Fugo, even tho he found him and brought him to Bruno, he still calls him a dumbass, stabs him with a fork and shit, and then with Mista even tho I feel like they are Like Bros, he destroys Narancia’s radio for no fucking reason and also has a pattern of taking shit Narancia paid for without paying him backI def agree with that, I feel like Giorno interactions were lacking in that there really weren’t many one on one meaningful things so it’s hard for me to grasp his personal headspace and relationships a lot of the time
nozomijoestarToday at 12:37 AM
However to be a little more fair to the Bucci gang the manga version has Narancia trying a lot lot more to get their attention in logical ways that unfortunately Talking Heads completely ruins, he tried writing to let them know what was happening and TH warped the text into him saying vulgar things bragging abt his dick being a powerful Stand
epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:38 AM
Yeah I was gonna add I wasn’t sure if the manga had other stuff, tbf
nozomijoestarToday at 12:38 AM
I think this is also Shounen Tropes of the 90s at play too the "child" character was often written as the comic relief dumbass Narancia suffers it so it does add a layer of Not Good to his relationships The trope still exists tbh Anime cut out him writing I assume bc it's too sexual It's already pushing it having him whip it out and piss in front of everyone jfhdhd
epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:41 AM
Yeah you right, it’s like the i want it to be that deep meme, like Araki obvi doesn’t have him only as comic relief but if he delved into his character more there would’ve been so much more that could’ve been done and shown YEAH DJDBDJDJF I WAS SURPRISED THT WAS ANIMATED
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nozomijoestarToday at 12:51 AM
Ok but to get back on track with where I was trying to go even opening this all up is how it's critical to NaraTrish in a mutually beneficial way
nozomijoestarToday at 1:01 AM
Nara is no incel he's a King obvs but he is also at heart a confused scared kid uncertain of anything in the world beyond what's closest in his grasp and without someone actively believing in and validating him he can't fully achieve awareness of healthy dynamics and even the problems within the ones he already has with his gang and Bruno- Trish doesn't have to babysit him and be the stereotypical The Woman Only Supports And Gives Up Her Body bc thats never her and couldn't be her and Narancia wouldn't make her that way bc even when he kinda touches on that (giving in a bit to the idea that men are the main protectors of women) when he gets too fixated on wanting what he thinks is for her wellbeing he does snap out and acknowledge he's wrong bc
Trish by her independent nature and tremendous Will proves those stereotypes are bullshit, not even factoring in their first meeting as already making a huge impression on his beliefs of what girls can do- Trish knowing how to challenge him by staying true to herself yet having the compassion to help someone suffering and with fewer chances from birth than she had would not only win him over but give him something even Bruno can't, self sustaining confidence, bc Trish isn't part of a chain of command, she's just a girl in love with a boy who wants him to be happy and that concept while foreign to him for so long once it kicks in he could actually learn to build himself For himself and For someone who wouldn't use him for some greater schemes or dirty work,
I love Bruno ok he's one of the best characters in anything ever but his flaw in his ability to help motivate ppl is tied to that fact that he's bringing them into a dangerous strict order of command to Serve not entirely in a place/way that lets them just be themselves and realize organic loving relationships with anyone and themselves SO
epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:05 AM
they’re healing...... being shown love without a position of authority or any obligations is so powerful for his growth
nozomijoestarToday at 1:25 AM
That all being said, Everything Trish does he's paying attention to, she keeps him alive during the Grateful Dead fight not because she needs him to serve for a cause ( a cause might I add even Bruno the near saint he is was ready to let Nara go right then and there for bc death is in the job description) but because she doesn't know him well yet and shit he even swung a knife at her when they first met over who was in the bathroom, but he's a person suffering and in pain and to let him die even if it's Expected Of The Mission is garbage to her even if she respects Bruno down the line as a father compared to fucking evil Diavolo,
Trish constantly goes out her way to do these things for Nara bc Trish instinctively knows he's the most vulnerable mentally and her sense of compassion and justice (likely something Donatella made sure to instill in her before her death by cherishing Trish and spoiling her even as a single mother) will not stand to not help someone when she could've- and he reciprocates it even if in disbelief bc he can tell This Person Is Safety, This Person Is Like Me Yet Not, A Better Me I Want To Be, by the time he's about to die someone with his fragile mind was actually gaining conviction about taking control for himself on his own terms and he would risk even those chances to defend the person who actually helped him arrive there (along with Gio) in the first place,
I think by the end of his life he rly did love her or start to, it being romantic or not is up to individual interpretation to which you know I'm in the romance camp, point is he found someone who truly taught him strength without him fully realizing it and did so without belittling him, if anything instead treating him only with love and kindness and patience (not being a door mat for him, but like, not treating him like ass like everyone else has their moments of either), I think anything Trish asks of him, this is all why he's so willing to do it on top of feeling deep empathy, I've written in my character notes as well that like this goes even further to sex being one of the most intimate things there is, like I kno we jest and jape abt Teens Doing Dumb Shit bc we're clowns
but the sheer vulnerability you have to have esp in a first love situation to be willing to go through with that for the first time ever takes a lot of trust and courage, aspects I think Trish was able to give him and would solidify in asking something seen as so important for many people from him, the headstrong Trish wants to be vulnerable for him and the slowly confidence boosted Narancia wants to accept that faith and trust and love and exchange it with his own of the same for her, it's not horny teens 100% it's two hurt but hopeful kids on the verge of having to be adults wanting to find another piece of identity in how they are with someone else, obvs it will forever be offscreen bc pedos deserve to be skinned alive
I just feel that the components that would fuel them to do something teens try to do to feel more adult and bc hormones are a lot more based in growing maturity than pure lust, I think this is what I fully mean by Writing About Teens Exploring Love And Sexuality; Not Fetishizing And Reveling In Showing The Act Itself Especially For Disgusting Titillation, I think this and not explicitly writing the sex are the difference between child porn and creating realistic characters
epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:36 AM
Yeah, it is going to sound like a dumb take but the topic of sex and sexuality itself is not inherently sexual, by which I meant it isn’t the focus — there’s SO much more to it and in this case especially it can be like the ultimate sign of love, trust, intimacy, compassion, trying to make your way as a teen through a harsh world, like I can go on. Nasties Dont Interact but the shying away from the mere mention of it in a non-sexualized context is unrealistic.
Yes The Grateful Dead fight i 1000% agree is so important in both his personal growth and the development of their relationship, I think it’s an important parallel that he is dumbfounded about her going to such lengths to keep him alive without the sense of duty/obligation versus Trish’s feelings and outbursts of confusion on why Bucciarati and his gang even cared about her, protecting her to the point of death being on the line.(edited)
epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:44 AM
all these elements of complication and similarities between their characters is why ive gotten so passionate about both them and their relationship (whether romantic or platonic it’s really fucking strong and good), the story of two kids making it through adversity, learning to unshoulder their burdens and lean on others, the Found Family™️, and learning and growing together is just so much more fucking deep and complex than the mainstream bs that exists.
now im not any type of elitist hipster but esp in male and female relationships portrayed in what feels like basically fucking everything are just like CompHet Bullshit and they’re together bc They Are Just Supposed To Be (not to mention the toxic masculinity culture within that where the women barely have character arcs and are just seen as objects anyways) But what I’m trying to say is that in this the relationship is real and it feels earned in a way that just isn’t there in so much other media out there(edited)
nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM
Honestly if we tweak this just a lil more this is basically Guts and Casca One of the greatest and saddest romances ever written
epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:48 AM
i still have berserk bookmarked just haven’t gotten around to reading yet
nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM
If VA was a Seinen it's p much Berserk In Italy Also big brain...galaxy brain...everything you said was a fact signed sealed and delivered(edited)
epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:51 AM
Wow we’re actually in sync and using the brain cell to its fullest extent tonight
nozomijoestarToday at 1:51 AM
When I say she's his world and he's hers this is what I mean, not comphet hdhdhfhYEAH HFHDG
epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:52 AM
(also my phone autocorrected “and” to “ANF” bc of twdg..... it also sometimes changes it to “AMD” bc I work in technology. My Phone Knows My Interests Are More Important To Me Than One Of The Main Parts Of Speech. Iconic)YESSSS they’re just SO GOOD there’s so much to articulate!
nozomijoestarToday at 1:55 AM
She was his Queen, and god help anyone who disrespected his Queen
epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:55 AM
JDBDHE SHIT THE FUCK IP DKDBEBDJFBBD
nozomijoestarToday at 1:56 AM
Buy my silence $8000 a month
#jojo's bizarre adventure#naratrish#narancia ghirga#trish una#we support them at everything they do ty
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The 5th popularity poll results are finally out !!
┏━━━━°⌜ Table of contents ⌟°━━━━┓
• Who did I vote for 'n why?
• Why are the results so different this year?
• What happened to Hawks and Endeavor?
• Shiggy!
• Chara placement explanation
• Poll Artwork
︵୨🎐୧┗━━━━°⌜ 目次 ⌟°━━━━┛୨🎐୧‿
Who did I vote for 'n why? -
Hawks! ..surprisingly. I knew Katsuki would make 1st place anyway (which is what I wanted) but I also wanted hawks to get on the list.
If I'd vote now I'd probably be Shiggy
Why are the results so different this year? -
• My first suspicion was that a lot of new fans started voting ...but it turns out there are actually fewer votes in the top ten this year !
• Maybe people know their actual favorites better by now, so they don't just choose who they liked best in the new season but overall.
• Maybe some charas got hyped or talked about more in events etc. In japan than here.
• I can't say for sure but it's so strange to me. Before this poll there weren't any drastic changes in the polls and most of the votes were comprehensible.
What happened to Hawks and Endeavor? -
• Hawks
↳ The last popularity roll was after he was first introduced . He immediately went on 4th place. I cannot explain to myself how he isn't in the top ten at all now. This is so damn weird .
It's not like he doesn't have fans fangirls he's extremely popular . I was already confused why he isn't getting any official merch by now but now I'm just bamboozled
• Endeavor
↳ He has been around since the first poll and was never on any spot in the list (1-20) but then in the 4th poll he went to nr.8 . Now he's gone again.
↳ I think this is because of his redemption arc it seemed like he was bettering himself but it became more and more clear that it's not really doing anything w his family.
↳ Another reason might be that we don't have as many interactions of him with Hawks as before ??
Shiggy! -
• AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
• I'm so damn happy ! - he really deserves this after the villain arc etc. ppl respecc and appreciate him a lot more .
• These are his placements from start to finish 19th→16th→15th→24th→6th
↳ Look at that big ass jump!! I think we all know why this happened but I just really needed to share it with y'all!
Character placement explanation
1. Bakugou Katsuki 💢 爆豪勝己
Why ?
↳ In my opinion there are lots of justifiable reasons for him to win and keep winning.
• Personality , character development , entertainment , looks , fangirls , waterfalls
•he is kind of an 'outcast' under the students and heroes . Which is also the reason shigaraki thought he'd be easy to 'convert to the dark side' . What i think is the important point in this is that he doesn't do that. His determination to his goal is what is so inspiring in my opinion.
•He's never afraid to say what he thinks and wouldn't lie either. Brutal honesty is entertaining to watch and sometimes you just want someone to say what you would be afraid to.
I'm sure even if you don't like him you've heard all the reasons why he's likable already, so I'm gonna move on now - If you want me to discuss why , how and what makes him so likable/popular tell me in an ask or the comments!!
Does he deserve it?
↳ This is a popularity poll.... There isn't really any debate on whether the opinion is right or wrong. I understand why some fans don't like him but seeing people get mad about a poll like this is straight up ridiculous. You don't like the chara that's popular? - then vote for your fav to be able to compete . Talk more about them and why they're great instead of just listening reasons why the currently popular character isn't.
//Tiny note - this isn't about literally everyone that dislikes him . Only people who act as stated//
• I would say because this isn't a right or wrong thing yes of course he does. Whoever wins does , because it's not about the characters actions being morally superior but his likability and connection he has with the fandom/audience.
If we wanna make a poll on which character is the most angel I'd say baby Deku wins! 🖤
2. Midoriya Izuku 🐰 緑谷 出 久.
I was actually surprised that he got on top of Shouto //no pun intended(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)// They did have more tight votes than the others .
• It isn't too wild for him to be in second place the more I think about it.
↳ He too has matured and had some major character development taking place from ch.1 to now. The major complaint from ppl who didn't like him was that he's a 'crybaby'. He doesn't cry as often now and if he does it's almost always understandable . His attitude and self-esteem has also gone up quite a bit compared to the first chapters .
He kept all the good stuff in his personality and improved on the 'annoying' stuff . ( I personally never thought he was ¯(°_o)/¯ )
• All around he has a good heart , is more likable than most protagonists , is always working on improving himself , soft boy with the goal to save people. A genuine, non-superficial , real hero at heart.
3. Todoroki Shouto ❄🔥 轟 焦凍
We all knew he was gonna be in the top 3
with all the fangirls he's got ... Mh but let's just say even the people that don't love him usually like him. I don't think I've heard a person shit talk Shouto . 🤔
• I personally didn't really pay attention to him until the U.A. Sports Festival Arc! - I know shocking .
In all the arcs after that I kept liking him more and more. I would even say he's one of my favorite characters at this point.
• There are again loads of reasons to like him. We are watching his personal journey into human/social interaction and a normal life outside his toxic household with him. There is genuine tragedy in his story that he himself didn't understand . God damn remember when he said that it was also his fault his mom is gone. We really want to support and help him, but he isn't just a sad story. We see him succeed. We see how strong of a person he is .
There's a lot more I could say about him as well but you get the point.
• oh yeah.. He's also incredibly attractive.
Poll Artwork -
I absolutely love the way Horikoshi Sensei chooses specific themes for these. They're always something to look forward to and are a big part of what makes the popularity polls so exciting!
The designs are so creative and cool . I love that their placement numbers are discreetly incorporated into their suits - the only nitpick I could find is that the villains almost got no changes which is kind of sad in my opinion !
These are my three favorite outfits!!
Click for higher resolution and full pic
1. Katsuki & Kirishima
My lord if you would hold me at gunpoint and ask which I like more out of these two I'd probably get shot . They're so awesome! (I'm sorry this is just me geeking out at this point) I keep trying to type why they're so cool but I just keep writing “they're just so cool” over and over again.
2. Todoroki
One thing I never liked about his normal hero suit is that it's just very blank. It makes total sense with his personality and the hero suit of his father being so different, which is why it works but just looking at it gives me the desire for more!
This. This is what I would love as his normal hero suit!
Tell me your thoughts by commenting or reblogging ^^
I am not a native english speaker
⌈ 𝗣𝗟𝗨𝗦 𝗨𝗟𝗧𝗥𝗔 🗯
!!プルス ウルトラ!!
!!💓更に向こうへ!!
じゃあね 🌧⌋
#shounen jump#shounen#popularity poll#bnha#mha#mystuff#boku no hero academia#僕のヒーローアカデミア#bnha theory#theorydiscuss#bnha villains#bnha hawks#keigo takami#Endeavor#bnha endeavor#enji todoroki#bakugou#midoriya izuku#todoroki shouto#todoroki#tomura shigaraki#shigaraki tomura#tomura
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( genderfluid ) haven’t seen DAKOTA SAMPSON around in a while. the ALEX TURNER lookalike has been known to be (+) INDEPENDENT & (+) PROTECTIVE, but HE/THEY can also be (-) HOT-TEMPERED & (-) TURBULENT. The 24 year old is a SENIOR majoring in THEATRE. I believe they’re living OFF CAMPUS ( at home ) but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door.
yes I AM an Arctic Monkeys fan , what gave you that idea !! ‘sup guys I’m Hylia and we don’t know self-control so I’m already back at it again with hitting my muse limit and applying for Dakota here. A note : Dakota’s an old muse but the only thing I’ve changed about him is his name ( along with modifying stuff to fit the connection I took and Watershed biz ) , so if you ever hear me call him Spencer , sorry for the slip-up - that’s just what his name was beforehand. But ANYWAYS , more under the cut !!
v brief mention of homophobia + transphobia and also... frequent mentions of religion.
STARTING OUT
k so I also highly rec you read Jackie’s intro bc Katie made this family and I’m just hopping in on the sibling ride
so yeah their parents were fuckin,,, picture-perfect religious fam on the outside but that’s not good 4 the fuckin’ kids and from the start Kota was always the problem child. Never sat still in church, always tended to gravitate towards the “dark/satanic” stuff and over time he was so used to being accused of that shit he sort of... embraced it ??
Lemme explain.
so Dakota was often punished for even batting an eye at stuff his parents didn’t like so he grew angry he wasn’t allowed to like certain shit and that just upped him liking it and taking part in that stuff tenfold.
It started innocently when he was young - he’d take his allowance, march on over to the closest store that sold CDs and bought every heavy rock album he could find. Linkin Park, Metallica, Rise Against, Sixx AM, that shit.
Then it escalated to taking an interest in SFX makeup, especially the gory part. Snuck out on Halloween to trick-or-treat and collect candy in the best costume he could make for himself.
Watched horror movies and played darker video games when he’d sneak out and would often take an interest in the decoration , the acting...
Then he started saving up and buying black clothes, ripped jeans, faux leather jackets, and even getting his ears and lip pierced. Threw temper tantrums when his parents told him to cut his hair. Got a tattoo of his sister’s name on his wrist with forged parental approval.
Started dating kids who had a reputation on being on the wrong side of the tracks !! Also came out as bi & genderfluid and lived in an extremely religious household so . . . ( tw : homophobia & transphobia ) they didn’t react well. But he flaunted it. He rubbed it in their fucking faces every chance he got since that was who he fucking was , and if you don’t like it ?? SHOVE IT.
But yeah. He always had a strained relationship with his parents for that reason. He was known as the black sheep of the family , the problem child. It was AMAZING he was so close with his younger sister , Jackie.
His sister was his everything. Perhaps the only person Dakota was certain cared about him and for that , swore to protect her. Especially against their parents and what Dakota considered their BACKWARDS methods of parenting.
So , he sorta took to parenting her himself - teaching her life skills and survival skills and how to deal with their parents.
TATIANA
okay - Tatiana’s relationship with Kota is kind of important so I wanna get this out of the way before I dive too deep into his character + personality
when they were younger, everyone thought he and Tatiana would get together. Everyone did. Whenever the Sampson and Samuels families would get together, he and Tatiana would immediately gravitate towards each other. They often spared each other glances in church, and he claims Tatiana fell in love with his “rebel” persona.
He even took her to senior prom.
But they never officially dated - they’d hang out regularly , yes , but they never considering themselves more than just friends . . . and then some. He often snuck into Tatiana’s bedroom by climbing through her window , often
Besides , he was the bad boy who renounced God in his family and Tatiana was the preacher’s daughter. How could they ??
Well . . . they still slept together. Quite often , actually. He often routinely visited her for such in her dorm at Lockwood , and it didn’t matter if she had a boyfriend or not. If she asked him to spend the night with her , he would.
He wrote Tatiana love letters he doesn’t know if she even opened. But it was very obvious Dakota harbored some feelings for her that went beyond friends with benefits. Tatiana may have felt the same - who knows ??
She led him on and played him like a fiddle. Maybe he knows about it , but refuses to accept it. He thinks she was genuinely in love with him , or he tells himself that to feel better and not so embarrassed.
Needless to say , he was struck with grief when she died. He wanted to be more than an ex-almost , but unfortunately , that was only how far they got.
PERSONALITY / CHARACTER
Dakota’s your stereotypical rebel without a cause - he’s loud , he’s unfiltered , and he doesn’t give a FUCK about your opinion so again , SHOVE IT.
But he’s not a bad dude at all - he’s actually pretty open-minded and a little wild , but fun to hang out with. He’ll be honest with you about his opinion on you - and he is NEVER one to shy away from his emotions or hide how he feels.
Believe it or not , the only vices he has are drinking every now and then ( normally nothing more than beer ) and smoking. Hasn’t touched drugs once in his life , not even weed.
He’s very outspoken and will fucking !! Tell you !! What he thinks !! Even - no , ESPECIALLY if you don’t want to hear it.
Half the time he says shit to piss people off and get a reaction. I’m sorry this is just how he is.
DEFINITELY someone into the horrific / creepy shit. He keeps the ID Channel on as background noise and can watch most horror movies and play horror video games without flinching.
Kinda sleeps around a lot and he knows not to attach sex to romance but also . . . it’s like. Horribly easy to lead him on. He can get attached to people and it’s so easy to tell when he’s got a crush so it’s sort of easy to manipulate him like that.
He’s VERY into acting !! He’s a showman , he likes attention. And portraying someone that isn’t him is one of the most fun things to do. And he’s wicked great at it - there’s something about having a hundred eyes on him that gives him confidence and validation where some may clam up.
... Also an attention whore but not a conceited jerk kind of attention whore.
Also into music , but it’s just a background thing. He knows how to play GUITAR and also the DRUMS , and can sing really well.
He’s short-fused as hell. It’s so easy to get him fired up as long as you say the right words , and it’s really easy to pick out what those words are. Mention or say anything negative about Tatiana or his sister and he’s on your ass.
Again , love makeup and does a lot of SFX makeup in his free time !! So yeah it’s a lot of creepy / gory shit and definitely not something his parents would approve of.
On the subject of his parents , he still lives with them but only to take care of Jackie. And whenever he’s with them , he does whatever he can to piss them off or to make them disapprove of him even MORE. So far , he’s been sliding inklings he worships the Devil and makes jokes about eloping or marrying people with careers the toxic religious people frown upon.
Yeah he really. Doesn’t like his parents. And he doesn’t want his parents to like him.
Jackie’s the best tho.
Also call him Kota or Kody or Koakoa Puffs or any puns with his name I’ll take it
WANTED PLOTS / CONNECTIONS
friends he has that know he was rly into Tatiana but were also aware of how she led him on
they either fuel his false hopes
or try to knock some sense into him by telling him the truth ( never listens tho )
PEOPLE ,,, who really disapprove of how he is for whatever reason. Could be someone who was close with the Samuels’ and know Tatiana was involved with him but they can’t stand the idea of her fucking someone like him.
Soft people he goes protective papa bear over !! Bc he would !! He totally fuckin would !!
People he regularly butts head with and just wants to get a fucking reaction out of bc again , that’s the name of the game
Theatre buddies !! Theatre buddies who he gets REALLY into it with
Or even theatre rivals , who don’t like his personality / need for attention
Fuckbuddies bc again Dakota sleeps around and sees no shame in it
Also ppl maybe who are attracted to him oNLY bc of the bad boy aesthetic / thing he’s got going on ??
Okay it’s late and I’m drawing more blanks but as always LIKE THIS FOR A PLOTTING IM !!
#water:intro#( &. abt. || coax me out my low and have a spin of my propeller#I'll b honest I'm kinda shocked Alex was still open but I'm hAPPY HE WAS !!!#love arctic monkeys. so much. n he's perfect for koakoa puffs over here.#homophobia tw#transphobia tw#religion tw
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Wat up, I'm here to bitch about stuff.
A good 90% of my life is straight pain and struggle right now. I spend every day trying to distract myself from how I'm feeling, whether that's through sitting on facebook watching slime videos for hours, doing schoolwork for even more hours, or doing regular things and pretending everything is fine. I try to make myself believe that I'm ok. Not say I'm never going to be ok, but I'm having a hard time dealing with all the shit life is throwing at me; has been throwing at me, for years.
I took off that mask yesterday, and I feel like I've been emotionally flayed. I'm raw and feeling all those little fragments of emotion I was protecting myself from, all at once. I've been in bed for the past 3 hours or so, thinkin about life and what mine is trying to teach me. Writing helps and I'm really open abt my mental health struggles, so I figured I'd pour it all out on here so maybe it could help someone or something.
A lot of my stressors include other people, so for their privacy, I'm going to use aliases.
Have you ever done something completely against your values/beliefs and wondered what underlying causes made you (re)act that way? I try to think about that often bc it tends to give new perspective and shed light on information necessary for changing those behaviors.
I had a tough childhood and now that I'm older, I can see the impact it's had on me for so long. Even things I can barely remember are reflected in my emotional responses and conscious decisions if I pay enough attention. Bc of the trauma and inconsistent relationship I had with my parents, I have varying degrees of trust issues, problems with relationships (platonic, familial, and romantic), and mental illnesses. I've struggled with behavioral problems for a long, long time. At one point, it was thought I had ODD because of the severity of some of my outbreaks.
Fortunately, some of my more unusual symptoms started showing up as early as 7. I had been placed in the custody of close family a couple years before that, who sought professional help when my depression and visual hallucinations first appeared. I was in counseling from that point on and began seeing psychiatrists at the age of 13, all of that lasted until I turned 19 and lost my medicaid.
Shortly after I started experiencing various mental health problems, I went into sort of a "dark age" and I don't remember much, like there's a big blind spot in my memories. There are some memories that survived and I've clung to, because I don't have much left from that time period. It lasted until about when I started taking psychiatric medications. And about that time, I started to experience extreme mood swings which resulted in damn near anything, from self harm and suicide attempts to violent outbursts and severe paranoia and delusions. These only increased in intensity until I was kicked out at the age of 17.
*I was hurt by that for a long time which fueled poor decision after poor decision, but I have forgiven both myself and my family bc all that anger and pain and guilt was doing was holding me back. I appreciate everything my family has done for me and I hold them very dear to my heart, especially in times of hardship.*
That's some back story for ya. A lot has happened since then, and maybe I'll talk about it some other time, but I'd really like to focus on the present.
My biggest source of pain currently is the fact that my daughter, Acacia, is in one state and I'm in another. I miss her terribly and every day I sit and think about how I've failed her. I want to be a source of joy for her, but right now she's hurting because her mother is gone and she doesn't understand why. We facetime, but she tells me that she doesn't like me and she's sad. It breaks my heart that she's dealing with such big emotions and I can't even be there to comfort her. But I'm also very grateful she's surrounded by people who love her and we can talk every day. It's really hard, and I'm usually in a lot of pain after we hang up, but I will always be there for her. I have to be the mother she needs me to be so I'm going to have to make some tough decisions. I'm not going to talk abt this anymore bc it's too much for me right now.
I'm in another state living with my husband, Onyx, and I feel utterly and completely alone. We left bc we were evicted back home and the only place we could go was his parents'. He shut me out a long time ago, but the homesickness is amplifying my feelings of isolation. Due to some of the toxicity in our relationship, I burned many bridges with friends and family, and aside from my 2 best friends (who I rarely talk to anymore) I have no one. Many days I beg Onyx for affection or communication or some semblance that he still loves me, but my efforts are futile. Weve been having the same fight for nearly half a year. I bring up something that's bothering me, and he becomes angry and says "it's always something", in some form or another I try to remind him that we have to work on the issues in our relationship at some point if we want things to get better, this is where he usually gets defensive and says something something along the lines of "I always need 'more or too much'". From that point, I've learned to just be quiet bc our problems are suddenly my fault and he will do everything in his power to deflect and shame if I try to get him to own up to his negative behaviors that hurt me almost every second.
I saw the red flags a long time ago, but I had hope. Hope that has now completely withered away bc I know he won't change, at least not anytime soon. I can see it in his face when I try to have any form of an adult conversation with him. The way he just barely squints his eyes while I'm talking, the smirk that I try to convince myself isn't real bc it's so slight, the overall look of complete apathy.
I've tried leaving before, several times and one period of 5 months, but I wanted to make things work bc we got married this year. He told me it would make me more consistent and I wouldn't feel like leaving all the time, but let me tell you, I feel like leaving all the time. I've told him about my plans to go back home, without him. I've told him I would stay if he would be a part of this relationship too bc I can't be with someone who is the source of so much of my pain. You know that saying, "you can't make someone love you if they don't want to"? It's true, fucking painfully true. I've found myself holding on to tiny shreds of hope here and there, making myself believe that he'll try in small gestures like a kiss or laying his head on me. But I've been doing that for too long. I have made sacrifices for him over and over to the point where I don't recognize myself anymore. I've stopped talking to wonderful ppl bc it made him uncomfortable. I'll admit it, I kissed a guy back the night after we decided to be mutually exclusive. I talked to an ex love interest for a period of time abt how I was struggling in my relationship w Onyx. But I apologized, owned up to those behaviors, and made changes. I don't deserve for those things to be held over my head and brought up in almost every fight bc yes, I fucked up, but I did what I had to do to fix things. At a certain point, you have to be accountable for how you let your hurt and anger manifest.
So now I'm leaving bc I have to get back to my daughter and get in a better environment, but I don't know how or when. Like I said earlier, I ruined a lot of relationships try to preserve the one that was ruining me. But I'm really stuck out here, I've never been able to hold a job in my working career, and even if I could, I'm also taking several online college classes (that's been a bitch too) so I can't work more than part time and even that would jeopardize my mental health. I'm really stuck and so frustrated and I'm sorry that this has been a super long post. Like I said, I'm just bitching about life. I know the most sucky situations bring about the most growth.
For those of you who are curious, my diagnoses are PTSD, atypical OCD, and persistent depression w mood incongruent psychotic features.
Also: Besides being a good talker, I'm also a great listener. If you're struggling right now, I'm here for u.
#mental illness#mental health#life sucks#real life#sorry#beenthrushit#parental seperation#OCD#psychosis#growth#opportunity#depression#hard times#strength#inner power#self love#self preservation#do what you gotta do#potential#background#back story#bad day#no friends#love yourself#see the good
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I'm honestly surprised someone as pro-good guys as you ships Reylo. Not in a judgy way but it just seems like the type of ship that wouldn't be your thing
(this is also for the other anon who wanted to know why I would ship it from like two days ago sorry guys I couldn’t handle TWO wanks in one night)
tldr: that’s because reylo is... not really not my thing? I mean, first I’ll go and refer you to go on my tagged kylo ren posts for more extensive meta about why and how I don’t think kylo is a villain *and* that he’s pretty much built for being redeemed. other than that, given that you have at least read the redemption post:
premise: I had absolutely zero interest in reylo before tlj, like zero, couldn’t care less;
but like the thing is, I never really felt that kylo was a villain - tbh I always was like ‘kid you’re waaaaaay over your head quit with the anakin worship and take a vacation somewhere without the force’ but in tfa I... really didn’t feel his character either way and tbh he’s still not my kind of character in general - I mean he has traits in common with other ppl I like in other fandoms but he’s technically not the kind of character I go crazy about, and tbh I couldn’t even be angry that he killed han because it was obvious it was going to haunt him and han was willing to go to his death for him, so... whatever, I go like, see you next episode;
except that then tlj happened and tbh I thought he was written immensely better/fleshed out way more and like, guys, being very real: watching tlj the only impression of kylo ren that I could have was ‘christ this guy has issues, needs help right the fuck now and possibly for someone to drag him out of the damned cult he’s found himself in CHRIST GET SNOKE AWAY FROM HIM’ and honest I argued about it before but the guy has all the abuse victim cred in spades and while he’s not what tumblr would call A Good Victim he’s also obviously in desperate need of someone to show him some basic decency and tell him nice things without judging him first and like guys honestly I can’t hate someone like that especially when I know they’ve been basically manipulated into a situation because of an extremely fragile psychological state;
and like... the thing is: rey does.. just that? I mean, rey’s the person who a) shows him some basic empathy after she realizes there’s more to him than she had thought, b) believes him for that matter, c) doesn’t want him to be darth vader 2.0 or whatever he thought he couldn’t live up to with his parents, d) shows him some shred of decency, e) tells him there’s someone who gives a shit about *ben solo* and not darth vader or skywalker 2.0 and like.... that’s... a very... surprisingly wholesome thing? I mean guys let’s be real I’m into sw like woah because sw is about redemption and seeing good in mostly everyone (not the snokes or palpatines but you feel me) and that’s just... following that reasoning? as I argued before, kylo is obviously being set up for redemption, there’s no way the last living skywalker who also has been set up as the one sympathetic villain (I mean guys whatever but phasma and hux are Not It) gets at the end of ix without going back to the light;
tbh I went down hard on the reylo trashcan when tlj went like OH HEY HERE YOU HAVE ENDLESS REDEMPTIVE HC POTENTIALS FOR YOU, because in tfa it wasn’t so obvious to me but in tlj it was pretty much obvious and.. honestly guys, it’s my typical enemies to lovers thing. they started literally fighting, they got to know each other and gotten better through it and learned from each other, she saw potential good in him and went herself to get him from snoke like guys......, he killed his abuser so that she wouldn’t die, they had that synchronized fight which honestly guys for someone into that kinda dynamic was gold, and thing is, at the end of it it couldn’t happen this round because he couldn’t get out of his toxic spiral for her but has to realize it for himself, but... do you think that if she had told him ‘hey let’s go back to your mom’s’ and he said yes it wouldn’t have ended very differently?
and on top of that honestly that pseudo-proposal was horribly heartbreaking because it was obvious he was projecting the shit out of him on her and when he told her she was nothing but not to him he was basically going like I DON’T WANT TO BE NOTHING TO YOU, and like.... guys, I like hc and redemptive stories and identity arcs and anti-heteronormative role reversals, why wouldn’t I be into that? it’s exactly my thing X°D
and like thing is, I’m not crazy into it mostly because I really like rey but not the way I like idk a brienne or a leia or an éowyn and I think kylo’s a v. good character and I don’t hate him but how do i put it, he’s no han to me XD I’m not passionate about the single characters ENOUGH to be THAT crazy into it but as a ship it absolutely fits all my usual tropes so... why wouldn’t I be into it? I’ve always been down with redemptive stuff and hc and enemies to lovers, the fact that I’m a lightsider doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate a good redemption from the dark when I see it ;)
#reylo#ch: kylo ren#ch: rey (sw)#ch: ben solo#otp: you're not alone; neither are you#sw wank#i guess#Anonymous#ask post
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Wow Anika's been trying to help Shivaay for so many days, and it all it took was one yelling from Gauri to resurrect Billu. What mashallah research was HS doing where she came to the conclusion that one can yell mental illness out of a person? Uff these ppl make a mockery out of real, important issues, upar se they pat themselves on their backs for it.
This. This is exactly the fucking thing. I’m making jokes about it and all, and I once said to just fix the character overnight because I can’t watch him suffering like this, but THIS is not what I meant. Not even by a long shot.
This is why I hate Gulneet’s BS “oh look, but we’re raising awareness for the issues” argument to defend bad tracks. No. You’re not raising awareness. All you’re doing is perpetuating lazy stereotypes and dangerous falsehoods about trauma and mental illness/toxic, abusive relationships/[insert topic of choice]. You’re being extremely irresponsible as content creators. I’ve seen the argument that TV is just TV, it’s not meant to teach. I don’t agree. Like it or not, accept it or not, a medium like TV has an incredible impact on society. Especially in non-urban sectors. You as a content creator have to be aware of what message you are sending out in the name of “entertainment”. If you are raising these societal issues in your show (and claiming that you’re doing it to raise awareness) then you have the moral responsibility to disseminate the correct information. Yeah, it might not be the most “fun” or “entertaining” thing to do, or get you the ratings. Then don’t raise the topic at all na? Just write the run-of-the-mill dramatic tellywood stuff. Yeh kya baat hui ki hot topic chhedna bhi hai AWARENESS ke naam pe, and then you don’t even show the correct information? It’s just total fucking bullshit. People are already aware of the problems in society; no matter how “developed” or not the audience is. You think people in Tier 3 cities/villages don’t know mental illness exists? That misogyny/patriarchy/rape/intimate partner abuse/dowry/colorism/whatever exists? That they live in some kinda utopia where all these topics are unheard of? No. They know these issues, and have these problems, but have been dealing with them wrongly for all these years. The key part of the “raising awareness” bit of the tracks is the RESOLUTION. Showing how the characters solved the unpleasant issue in a healthy manner. That’s the educational bit, that actually creates change in society. Harneet herself gave the example of Diya Aur Baati Hum inspiring lots of real life women to enroll themselves in the police force. Now I haven’t watched that show, but I believe it’s because that show actually showed a supportive husband, who went against his family and enables his wife to complete her education and do her job. That was the major narrative of the show, repeatedly showing a healthy relationship dynamic (as opposed to just ainvayi ka “support” they show in this show, with characters going back to their unhealthy relationship patterns once a particular track ends.) Change happens when you show a positive resolution. When you build it into the fabric of the show and reiterate it over and over, despite the circumstances the characters are in. It requires thought and foresight and tight writing, to keep the material both educational and entertaining. If that “knowing English is not required to be smart” Shivika track went viral, it’s because they depicted the issue being addressed in a compelling manner, that made people think and revise their long-held POVs, and educated them to change their mindset. If that ‘don’t have kids till you’re ready’ track made any impact, it’s because they wrote it with good sense and balance; having other characters offer the conventionally-held view, and Shivaay countering it and explaining his POV in an entertaining manner. Those tracks were actually done kinda well, balancing education and entertainment. This utter garbage they’re doing of “raising an issue”, and then immediately solving it in their usual tellywood manner with dramatics and crap is DANGEROUS. That fucking #MeToo track, I hate it. They made it soooooooo dramatic, with the retro party and Anika’s sting operation and lord knows what not, that it just came across as a random bullshit plot, not any different from like the time-and-again Nafratbaaz track, or the Mohit one. They completely diluted the actual topic at hand with all the glitz and glamour surrounding it and made it seem like ‘haan things like this happen in the lives of these big-big people; here’s how they dealt with it in their usual dramatic rich ppl fashion.’ It was so shrouded in “rich people shenanigans” that I doubt it made any impact whatsoever on the larger public about how a victim should be believed and supported and empowered following an incident like this. And now the same with this track. They’ve shown Shivaay suffer for 2, 2.5 weeks now, and all it took for him to heal was “the power of his own mind”. (But not really, because we can see him really struggling in the moments he’s alone.) All they’ve done is taken away the support of Anika; he’s isolated himself due to guilt and feeling unworthy of the only person in his corner, and now he’s going to be spiraling, hurting Anika (and himself) even more in the process.
I won’t blame Gauri for yelling at him. It’s what anyone in this kinda situation would have done. What I do fault is the way they wrote how Shivaay perceived the admonition. Clearly what Gauri was saying at that moment (though not articulately, because of her panic) was that “My sister is being severely affected by your condition. You cannot be irresponsible like this and ruin both your lives. She deserves to be happy and safe with you, her husband.” She was telling him, that as Anika’s life partner, he had to BE BETTER at taking care of her (which can only happen when he handles his mental illness in a responsible manner); instead, they wrote him perceiving it as he doesn’t deserve Anika, is ruining her life, and thus should drive her away by hurting her over and over. Just…. FUCK NO. That was not the fucking message to take away here. I am so angry that this was the way they made him perceive it, making Gauri into some kinda unwitting villain in this situation, when she is not. Perhaps she was unkind in that moment of hysteria, but her intention was never to imply that he isn’t worthy of Anika. She was only showing him the mirror, how this situation affects more people than just himself. Which is an integral component of mental illness.
What they could/should have shown is this: Gauri yells at Shivaay, making him realize how it’s not just his own life is being affected by his illness, but a lot of other people too, just by virtue of being related/attached to him. Anika obviously is the one most affected. Gauri is watching her sister’s suffering every day, but also that of a brother figure that she obviously cares a lot for. OmRu and Prinku are utterly lost without their father figure and need him to have some sort of stability and guidance in life. The company he created, that hires thousands and thousands, lies at risk, affecting all those people and their livelihoods. All of these people need him to heal and be at his best and lead them, like he used to. And so when Anika wakes up, he tells her wants to get better, if not for himself, for everyone else. She assures him that she will be by his side as he recovers. He sees a professional, who assures him that with medication and therapy, the mental illness can be managed and he can be just as functional as he was before, he just needs to be aware of his new limitations and learn to work around them. Show Anika and Gauri and Bhavya being supportive as fuck as he navigates this. It just requires an episode or two to show this in a responsible manner. But nooooooooooo. Symptoms ke naam pe toh WebMD page ko ratta maar ke padha aur dikha diya, Grey’s Anatomy se topic ka scene straight chaapa, par TREATMENT (the most important part of the issue) ke naam pe yeh kuch bhi hagg diya. Literally fuck them.
Yes, ok, it’s not wildly exciting to see Shivaay in a doctor’s office. But neither is it ultra glam to see him sitting and drinking tea with Khanna. But those kinda scenes have a purpose. It’s to depict how this character has changed over the years and is living his “new normal”. They could have still had the flashy exciting makeover and his SSO avatar coming back, but to counter OmRu in the office, as he takes over and fixes everything in that domain. Him dealing with the chutiya media/business rivals/etc. etc. They really didn’t need to have it HERE in this context, that he just “fixed himself” through sheer will-power, but is also hurting Anika repeatedly in this misguided process.
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