#deans prayer confession

[sweetonsugden]

Source

[fallenangelblade]

okay in advance of destielversary tomorrow I just rewatched 15x09 the trap and like. I don’t know that anything in my life has ever made me feel as truly and clinically insane as that prayer scene.

it’s the hopeful expression on dean’s face when he realizes cas might be able to hear him if he prays. if he begs. in the same place he prayed to cas every night for a year.

it’s the way he drops to a knee, knowing he’s surrounded by danger but needing to do it properly. sincerely. being as vulnerable as we’ve ever seen him be.

it’s the way his voice breaks when he says “man, I hope you can hear me.” the way he wipes his eyes and another tear falls immediately after. the way he lets himself fall apart for just as long as it takes to say what needs to be said, then steels himself and continues on. it’s just such a raw, standout performance and it makes me SCREAM every time I think about it

[dessertbird]

Daily Destiel 💙💚

Important moments. There are so many. 🥹😍❤️

[hellerism]

my bf is officially team dean was going to confess first in the trap

[arabella-s-arts]

Scenes/Things in Supernatural that genuinely don't make sense to me if Dean was straight:

The confession booth scene.

Sam just rolling with the fact that Dean's siren is a guy while still thinking sirens infect people through sex.

Dean being flustered by several men: Gunner Lawless, Aaron, Doctor Sexy, etc.

All the parallels between Destiel and other couples. (A big one being "last night on Earth" bc how do you do that accidentally.)

Having all the gay jokes be on Dean instead of Sam.

Paralleling Sam meeting his childhood celebrity crush with Dean meeting Gunner Lawless.

The boner Dean got when Cas cleaned up.

Dean gulping after Cas does an impression from a Western movie.

Charlie, a lesbian, calling Castiel "dreamy."

The way Mary looks at Dean and Cas when they hug.

Dean wondering why everyone assumes he's gay, while Sam not caring.

The logic that Charlie can't flirt with guys because she's only attracted to women, but then having Dean flirt with the guy for her.

Dean seeming disappointed when learning that Aaron's flirting was fake.

The amount of time Dean and Cas spend staring at each other.

Dean canonically having an orgy with Crowley.

A woman saying that she knows when someone's pining for someone else to Dean, just for us to learn that Dean was never in love with Amara.

The set design and script choices that lead to a cross in the background while Dean said "I do." to Cas after he came back to life.

That time when Dean wanted to say something and Cas was like, "It's okay, I heard your prayer." But Dean still looked like he wanted to say something important.

Amara: [about Dean] "I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel. Except, it’s cloaked in shame.”

If you want to have a more expansive list, @destiel-is-real-idgaf added to this one quite nicely.

[zepskies]

Hi, how are you?

I was wondering if you could write something like "Dean reads you wrong" but with Sam Please

Hey, lovely!

I'm doing well, thank you. 💜 I hope you are too! Hmm, I'm still working through my current bank of requests, but since "Dean reads you wrong" is so fresh, it got me thinking about how Sam would go about this...

Pairing: Sam Winchester x F. Reader

Summary: It's hard for Sam to admit he wants you...when he thinks you might want his brother.

Song Inspo: "If You're Gone" by Matchbox Twenty

Word Count: 1,600 Tags/Warnings: Fluff, angst, fear of unrequited love, mutual pining

Imagine: Sam reads you wrong.

When Sam falls for someone, he's...well, what he would call self-aware.

But also cautious.

He knows his own track record with women. He knows the life he leads, and has resigned himself to giving up most kinds of normalcy or domesticity.

And maybe, a part deep in the back of his brain has given up on the idea of love.

That's why it's so damn confounding...how you've managed to take him by surprise.

He's always been able to rely on you. Whether it's sharing the brunt of the research with him when Dean loses focus, or staying up with Sam on late nights, sharing mugs of tea and quiet conversation, bonding over familiar tastes in books, and '90s grunge music, of all things.

You also confessed to him, late one night, that you have a growing collection of mugs, fuzzy socks, and vinyl records, despite the fact that your record player has collected more dust than the bunker's old storage room.

You're wonderfully weird.

And you're unfailingly loyal to who you consider "your people." And Sam thinks (knows) he's fortunate enough to be included in that small circle.

Sam also knows, deep in his gut, no matter how much he tries to "rationalize" it away, that you're special. And special to him.

You've managed to do more than just slip under his skin. When he thinks too hard on it, he can admit it (just to himself). You've infiltrated all four corners of his heart so deeply, he doesn't have a prayer of scooping you out.

Some days, it's all he can do not to reach out while you're chatting away, filling the silence.

He can picture it like a scene in his mind: of interrupting your mouth with a gentle hand on your cheek, tilting your face up to his and showing you, with or without words, that he wants you...

And yet.

He can't help but watch how you are with Dean.

You two tease each other, bicker and gripe over coffee grinds left in the coffee pot and who ate the last of the leftovers. You fight with Dean over the remote on movie night (once, damn near smothering him with a pillow).

But you also dote on him, making sure Dean has one of his favorite desserts every time you go out to buy groceries. You swap his beer out for water when he's not looking. (And though Dean frowns and grumbles, he doesn't argue with your raised brow and imploring look.)

It's not quite flirting, but it's not quite platonic either—at least in Sam's eyes. You and Dean seem to have something.

And sometimes, your playful banter with his brother makes Sam sick to his stomach.

Like today, when Sam’s sitting at the kitchen table reading while you're making a cup of tea. The silence between you two is amiable, like usual.

Sam steals a glance at you and has to smile.

"Going with purple polka dots today?" he asks.

You look over with knitted brows of confusion, until you follow his gaze. You laugh sheepishly and wiggle your toes through your fuzzy socks.

"The floor is cold as hell," you defend yourself.

Sam's smile deepens a fraction as he turns back to his book.

"They're cute," he adds.

You turn your face to hide your blush. The mild thunder of heavy boots announces Dean's presence as he pops into the kitchen.

"Oh good, you're cooking. What's for dinner?" he asks. You turn to give him a familiar narrowed look.

"Who says I'm cooking?" you counter.

"Well, you're doing something on the stove..." Dean peers over and catches a whiff of the concoction you're brewing. He grimaces. "Second thought, I'm good. That smells like ass, whatever it is."

You roll your eyes at him. "It's just green tea, Dean. You know, health?"

He levels a deadpan expression at you as he opens up the pantry.

"I see your 'health' and I raise you...Doritos," he says. He digs his hand into the bag he's just pilfered and crunches a mouthful in your face. You can't help but splutter a laugh and push Dean away.

"You're ridiculous. If you catch a heart attack at 50, don't come crying to me."

"Hey, at least I'll die happy."

"Oh, right. A silver lining there. I'd hate to see what your arteries look like," you tease.

"Has anyone told you that you're unsavory?" Dean asks, continuing to crunch with an open mouth.

You smirk. "Is that your way of calling me sweet?"

He snorts. "Sure, sweetheart. We'll call it that."

"You know, I'm not your sweetheart," you point out.

Dean discreetly glances his brother's way with a sly glint in his eyes. Sam doesn't see it; by now he's trying his damndest to keep his eyes in his book and ignore the way his stomach is clenching, chest tightening.

Dean shifts his attention back at you and reaches down to brush your chin with his thumb.

"Not yet, but you could be," he says, in a flirtatious edge that he's never quite taken with you.

You're wide-eyed for a moment. In the end, though, you choose to take it as teasing. You push his hand away and give him an annoyed look.

"God, you're such a clown. Order a pizza if you're that hungry," you rejoin, and you pour two mugs of freshly brewed tea. "I won't even bother offering you one."

"Nope," Dean says, popping the "p." He walks out of the kitchen, giving Sam a firm slap on the back. Sam coughs and shoots his brother a frown.

Dean has the gall to wink at him before he walks out. Like he's having his own little private joke.

Well, Sam isn't laughing. He stares down hard at his book. He tries to ignore everything he just heard and saw out of the corner of his eye.

It becomes too much. He takes up his book and heads out of the kitchen.

He just doesn't see the way you frown as he walks away. There you stand, left holding two mugs of tea for you and him.

Sam returns to his room for a while. He's not hiding. He's...reading.

There's a knock at his door, and if it's Dean, he swears he's going to open his mouth and tell his brother to leave him the hell alone, like he's some kind of moody teen.

But it's you.

"Hey," you greet, after the door creaks open. Sam softens.

"Hey," he says, clearing his throat. "What's up?"

"You," you reply. You bring him his hot mug of tea and set it down on the desk where he sits.

"Thanks," he says.

You nod and place your mug beside his (Lord of the Rings themed, of course), and cross your arms as you lean against his desk.

Sam turns toward you in his chair. His hands rest on his thighs. His gaze travels back up to your face as he tries to keep his neutral, but welcoming to whatever you want to ask him. (He buries his heart deep, as he instinctively does whenever you're near him.)

"You okay?" you ask. Your brows furrow the longer you gaze down at him. Just staring, like you know he's hiding something. Like you can see straight into him, into the shadows where he keeps most of his thoughts of you.

This is perhaps the only area of his life where he's a coward.

"Yeah, I'm good," Sam replies, in a tone that suggests, Why wouldn't I be?

You quirk a smile. "Why don't I believe you?"

Sam swallows. For once, he's not sure what to say to you.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" you say softly. You take a subtle step into his orbit, almost between his open legs. Your demeanor says that you'd gladly listen, do whatever he asked of you. Because you're just that kind.

Sam's mouth twitches upward. "I know. I'm fine, really."

"You're fine, or you're Winchester fine?" you raise a brow.

Sam chuckles then, showing a flash of his smile. It lightens you.

"Maybe a bit of the second one," he admits.

You smile and inch closer, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah? Tell me," you say. Your voice is soft, but not quite a whisper.

It leads Sam to sigh. He grasps your hand where it lies on his shoulder. For a moment, he debates internally. He realizes then that Dean's antics earlier might've been more than just teasing. Maybe it was a subtle nudge—to stop wasting time.

Damn it, just do something, Sam thinks.

When you squeeze his hand back, it's just the small push he needs. He glances up at you.

Then he takes your hand and holds it between both of his, with care. He tugs you forward, surprising you as you step forward between his legs. Your mouth parts in soft surprise when he reaches a hand up to your cheek.

You still look surprised, blushing up to your ears, but you're not pulling away. In fact, your widened gaze moves from his eyes to his lips.

Sam smiles. He tugs you down to him and enacts a living daydream, finally kissing you with everything he has. Everything he’s had locked inside.

You respond to his mouth in kind; the subtle gasp of breath against his lips sharply cuts off as you sink into his kiss. Your trembling hand comes to his cheek, grazing the dull prickle of stubble. When your fingers dive into his hair next, it’s his turn to take a deep breath.

With each new kiss, he explores more of you. His hands find your waist, and he gathers you against his chest. You find purchase on his strong shoulders and give into the opportunity to straddle his hips, sitting in his lap while he continues to make your heartbeat wild in your chest.

Sam slows the kiss, only because his brain is starting to catch up with his heart. He wants to see your face, to make sure this is what you want.

He finds that and more when he looks up at you.

He brushes a strand of hair behind your ear, tenderly brushing his thumb against your cheek.

"Does that answer your question?" he asks, with a soft laugh. You join him and press your forehead against his.

"I don't know,” you tease. Your eyes are dancing, both with amusement and relief. Because your heart has wanted this for even longer than Sam's.

You lean back in to whisper close to his lips. “Maybe I need a little more clarity."

Sam takes you at your word.

AN: It's been a long time since I've written for Sam! 💜 I got in another request for him a while ago. I may dust that one off soon... Until then, let me know what you think of this!

(And don't worry. I didn't forget about the Soldier Boy imagine I promised. That will come out at the end of this week, most likely!)

Read Dean's version: "Dean reads you wrong."

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[strawlessandbraless]

[springdai]

Dean’s confession to cas in the trap is still so insane because like… he has NEVER been that open about his feelings in his LIFE. kneeling on the floor and crying and telling cas he doesn’t get why he is the way he is and he’s sorry and he forgives him and he hopes he can hear him. so much so that he says it twice. that WAS dean’s confession y’all. he bared his soul to him. and he was going to do it all over again in person in case cas hadn’t heard him? because he needed to say it, he needed cas to know? his face when cas says he heard his prayer, as if he had more to say? cas knowing that if he let dean say anything else, say the one thing they haven’t been saying, the empty might take him right then and there? im nauseous

[wanderingcas]

so i saw this gifset which reminded me about the events in 15.09 and just about lost my mind so i wrote a fic about that whole "dean almost confesses his feelings to Cas in Purgatory but Cas cuts him off because of the Empty deal" thing. here's the first part mwah

---

“Okay, Cas, I… need to say something.” 

He’s brave enough now. 

Well, okay, not brave—but the fear of losing Cas before Dean can ever spit the words out is bigger than what’s on the other side of admitting his feelings. 

That prayer was apologizing. Getting on his knees and begging Cas to forgive him—for the way he was shaped, the way he was raised, the way he can’t seem to do anything but attack a problem by yelling and punching. That prayer was an explanation. An explanation that Dean would never dare tell anyone else. An admission to everything. 

Well, almost everything. 

Now this moment: this is his confession. Where he doesn’t apologize. Instead he boldly proclaims. Something he didn’t want to do in his prayer; something he wanted to look Cas in the eyes and say to his face. 

Three little words. That’s all it is. 

They poise on his tongue. Dean opens his mouth, to let them fly—

“You don’t have to say it.” 

Dean shuts his mouth, wings clipped. 

Cas pauses; then: “I heard your prayer.” 

Dean stares at him for a long, terrible moment. Cas doesn’t smile; just looks… sad. Like always does. And Dean knows him well enough to know what Cas is saying between the lines. 

You don’t have to say it. 

Don’t say it.

Clear as a bell, Dean hears it in his head: He’s rejecting you. 

So Dean pulls in. Frowns. Blinks himself back into reality; the reality where Cas doesn’t want Dean to cross that line. Doesn’t… want that. He swallows hard, something in his throat ticking. 

Don’t say it. 

Dean nods. He thinks that his lips uptick in something of a fake smile. An admission. And then Cas walks away.

And Dean feels like his chest is going to split into two.

---

(this is going to be a longer fic so let me know if you want to get tagged when I post it)

[am3ricanpsycho420]

Cas/reader

Comfort, cuteness and Cas getting the love he deserves

The past couple of weeks have been rough to say the least. Being a Winchester was always like this but this week was particularly hard. This was your first day where you could just relax and sleep all day and eat all the food you wanted. You, Sam and Dean all spent the day lounging around and you loved it, but as much as it was nice there was something missing. That something or rather someone was Castiel. You couldn’t imagine how he felt right now. You knew he felt responsible for the fall and he wasn’t going to take that lightly. For the first time in days you finally sat down, staring at the floor praying to cas for a visit.

“cas I don’t know if you can hear me but please if you can come see me. I know you are hurt and I want to help, I want to be there for you, please just come and see me” you said sighing heavily at the end of your prayer.

Surprisingly you heard that familiar swoosh of wings. Looking up you saw Cas with a bloody lip, scrapes on his face and his hair a mess. Still in his typical trench coat and tie, you smiled softly at him. Without even saying anything you stood up and hugged him.

“I’m so sorry Cas” you mumbled into his neck, your hand going up to his hair to stroke through it. Taking a steph back so you could see his face you put your hands on both sides of his face. “before you can say anything I can’t imagine how you feel and I want to be here for you, please don’t turn me away” you plead with him before he can start.

“I love you y/n”

“I love you too Cas”

Grabbing his hand you lead him over to your bed. Turning him around and helping him take his coat and tie off. “can I take this off” you pointed to his shirt, He nodded, pulling your hand up to the top button. As the buttons came undone you kissed lightly down his chest. Showing him the love he deserves, as you pushed his shirt off his shoulders he seemed uncomfortable.

“Cas what’s wrong? I want to help you”

“My wings are in a lot of pain right now, I dont pull them out a lot and haven’t shown them to many people, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable” he confessed while avoiding eye contact.

“I’m so sorry Cas, if you’re open to it you can show me, I love you and everything about you. If I can help with this I want to”

“Okay just close your eyes while I get them out” doing as he says you adjust away from him and close your eyes.

“Okay you can look now” turning back around you opened your eyes and smiled brightly “Cas, oh my god, they are beautiful” you told him softly. His wings are a beautiful black, and smooth feathers. You had never seen anyone look so beautiful before.

situating yourself so that you are behind him you start massaging his shoulders. Putting your hands on his shoulders, rubbing your thumbs on his upper back. You move your hands to the top of his wings just lightly brushing them, as you do that he tips his head back and groans.

“that feels really good y/n” he said while his breathing got steadily heavier.

“Good, you deserve everything good in the world Cas” you lean forward to kiss his neck lightly while simultaneously moving your hands to rake your hands through his soft wings.

“You are going to get through this, I promise, I will always be here for you my angel” you say before you kiss him softly.

——————

Hiii, I hope you guys like this and I hope I did it justice. Please let me know what you think and any edits/suggestions you have. @marunene thank you for the suggestion<333

[deansawthetvglow]

imagine if dean had said i love u in the trap confession only for cas to react the exact same way and say you dont have to say it i heard your prayer and never acknowledges the i love you ohhhhh how insane making would that have been can we go back in time

[dotthings]

It's a mistake to jump to the conclusion that Jensen meant there would be no follow-up or response from Dean's side. He was speaking about Cas's confession and making it clear there's no confusion, awkwardness, or barriers between them, over that confession. Only love and acceptance, mutual understanding. They can move forward.

Cas, we know from the canon, in his speech, is fulfilled just in saying it. We, as fans, would love to see Cas getting verbal confirmation on how he's loved, but Cas already knows. It's a lack of understanding of Cas not to understand this, it's still okay to want and need to see it said to Cas, but Cas understands. Cas had his own freight train revelations hit him, maybe he knew since Purgatory II, "you don't have to say it, I heard your prayer." Remember angels can sense longing. The story might still require it, but the point is that Cas isn't eating himself up about it, he knows he is loved, he even saw it in Dean's eyes.

Dean, otoh, did not get to speak his loving truth to Cas. That is still hanging. Sometimes it's not in the having it's in just being. It's getting to say it. Dean hasn't gotten to say it. We saw Dean's self evident grief.

We've heard Jensen speak about Dean's regrets about Cas.

We've heard Jensen saying he hopes "we get to see that at some point" about a reciprocation, a response from Dean, and Jensen has said "it would probably be a big embrace and then Dean would say 'can we talk about that goodbye a little bit?'" (Jib 11) This doesn't contradict what Jensen said at Purcon 8. Jensen seems conscious of a missing piece in the story from Dean's pov, from Dean's end.

At Vancon 2022, Jensen said about Dean's regrets (and I love so much how he personalized it so deeply, that Jensen spoke using "I" when he was speaking for Dean): "I lost Cas but because I didn't say anything, I didn't give him anything. And what I had in my head was I should have said I love you too and hugged him." This was in Dean's head in the moment he saw Cas get taken. The sense of loss. The regrets. Jensen said "I have an answer for that, and I had an answer for that in the next camera setup." What he gave us at Vancon 2022 was part one of Dean's feelings. He hadn't given us part two yet.

Purcon 8 was about the realizations that hit Dean like a freight train while he's sobbing on the floor, and it's not complete, but it's still a big piece. We still don't have the full picture. But it's about Dean's realizations as it hits him fully how much Cas loved him and how Cas loved him and how Cas loved him so entirely. And the mutual understanding and acceptance.

I am dubious this means there won't be any follow-up or reciprocating moment from Dean, that Dean has nothing that he still needs to say, for his own peace, it seems clear from Jensen's statements that Jensen believes Dean wants to hug Cas and say I love you back.

And that, in my opinion, would be massive. No it doesn't have to be along drawn out speech or a complicated conversation. But I'm not going to go rushing to assume there will be no response from Dean either.

[lght-roastcoffee]

⋆ ˚｡⋆ Never ⋆ ˚｡⋆

prompt: "I'm not leaving you."┆Tuna-Tober ⊹ Day 4

pairing: Sam Winchester x fem!Reader

wordcount: 1.1K

warnings: mentions of blood, spn-level violence, established relationship

author's note: First, I imagined season 4 Sam after it's revealed he's been drinking demon blood for this. Second, this is a day late. Unfortunately, I got a little sick yesterday and every time I sat down to work on this, I got a little dizzy. But it's out now! I'll just finish the challenge a day later than I had planned, but I am still planning on doing all 10 prompts I've set for myself.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ 𝘯𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 ˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ 𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘢-𝘵𝘰𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘴 ˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹

Sam’s screams penetrate the walls of Bobby’s house, setting everyone on edge. Tears gather in my eyes for what feels like the umpteenth time since Dean closed the bunker door behind him. He and Bobby sit up stairs, deciding on their next move while I sit in the basement on a worn out dining chair. 

After everything that happened with Castiel and Jimmy Novak, no one expected a darker secret to linger. But when I turned from the demon who had vomited its black smoke from its vessel to see Sam-my Sam-with blood smeared across his mouth, everything around me vanished. The look in his eyes after everything calmed down and Sam met my eyes was haunting. The anger residing in his hazel eyes was a stark difference to the gentleness I usually saw, and it scared me.

Dean snuck away as Sam and I cleaned up the mess and the bodies, making sure all evidence had been scrubbed clean from the scene. The silence between us is unusual. Usually, we’d laugh and joke, despite the morbid circumstances. But after the look in his eyes, I don’t know what to think anymore. 

I knew that after Dean’s death, things weren’t quite the same. Sam took off, leaving me at Bobby’s, and never answered my calls. I knew he was still hunting, and doing a great job, from what I heard. So I stayed with Bobby as I helped him around the junkyard and assisted with some hunts now and then. So when Dean came stumbling across the threshold, very much alive, all I could think about was Sam and if he did something to bring him back. 

Dean and Bobby went off to find him while I stayed back, not quite ready to face him after he up and left. And after Dean confronted the angel who raised him from Hell and we learned of the impending apocalypse, I could tell Sam wasn’t the same man anymore. But who would be, after his brother, the person who raised him, died gruesomely right in front of him?

So I kept myself occupied, helping Bobby in his research on the seals and trying not to get too close to Sam. But he wormed his way back in, apologizing for leaving like he did and for holding back the truth of his escapades during that time. He promised he wouldn’t use his abilities anymore and that was that. 

Sam started trying to get back in my good graces. He started by arriving with coffee any time he saw me, then I’d notice new books stacked on the nightstand of my room in Bobby’s house, until he started inviting me out on more and more hunts with Dean, and I’d join. It all came to a head after a close call with a werewolf we were tracking and I laid in his arms, bleeding out and confessing, before Cas showed up and healed me, thanks to Dean’s prayers. We were good again, but I could tell that something was still eating at him. Well, I guess I know why now. 

“You okay, kid?”

I look up, feeling the tears falling freely against my cheeks as Dean stops in front of me. He sets a glass of water next to me on a rickety table. 

“Is this really necessary?” I managed to say. “Does he really need to be locked up like some- some animal?”

Over the course of the days we’ve kept Sam locked up, my anger has slowly been gathering. Whether it’s directed towards me, for not doing more to help the man screaming and pleading for help, or towards Dean and Bobby who were so prepared with trapping Sam and leading me away before I could ruin anything. But they’ve kept them in there, listening to his unnatural torture and continuing on like it’s nothing, no food or water because there’s a high chance he’ll get out is we open the door. This “detox” is destroying Sam and it seems I’m the only one who can see it. 

Dean sighs, pats me on the shoulder, and makes his way back upstairs. I sit there, the sounds of Sam’s cries lulling me into a restless sleep after not doing so for days. I only wake to the sound of rushed and heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. I see Bobby, then Dean, their faces a mix of worry and horror as they rush to the bunker door. That’s when I recognize the deafening silence. 

I rush over with them, Dean throwing the heavy iron door open and I see Sam on the ground seizing. I rush to his side, going to kneel down to keep him stable. Before I could do so, however, his body rose into the air and started slamming against the iron walls. I realize I’m screaming as Dean and Bobby push past me to get to Sam and restrain him to the cot. After everything settled down, Dean tried to drag me out of the room, but after landing a hard punch to his face and a knee to his groin, they gave me some space. Dean sat outside the door, listening for any trouble after getting some ice. 

I sat at Sam’s side, combing my fingers through his hair and humming softly. After a while, he groans, trying to reach up with his hand, but the handcuffs stop him. I sigh, tears forming once again at the torture the man I love is going through. He tries again and jerks awake frantically scanning his surroundings.

“Hey, Hey!” I push against his chest, hoping to calm him down even just a little bit.

“Y/N?” Sam relaxes slightly, confusion swimming across his features. “What happened?”

“You gave us a scare,” I answer, reaching up to smooth his bangs out of his face. “You started flying across the room. Bobby and Dean saw no choice but to restrain you.”

He lays his head back, eyes squeezing shut. “I’m sorry.”

I shake my head before cupping his face, hazel eyes opening to stare back at me in anguish, giving him a slight smile in return. “Hey, I- I understand, Sam. Just don’t do that again, okay?” 

“I- I don’t know if I can stop myself.” Tears form at his lash line, threatening to spill over. “I don’t know if I can stop myself from being the monster everyone thinks I am.”

“We’ll figure something out,” I say softly. “Just like we always do, right?”

The look he gives me, all watery and intense, makes me realize he’s terrified of my reaction. 

“You won’t leave me?” He whispers, voice shaking. I lean over him, face hovering over him. 

“I’m not leaving you,” I whisper. “Not ever.”

I press a soft kiss to his lips, tasting the salt from our joined tears. I pull away before resting my forehead against his.

“Never.”

[clairenatural]

hey sorry to ask you but what is the destiel lamppost thing? if u know what it is

Hi anon!!! I wasn't ignoring you I just wanted to be able to sit down and type out the lore.

So "why lamp"/the destiel lamp thing starts with 15x10, The Heroes' Journey, in which Dean and Sam are stripped of the luck/protections that being written as protagonists gives them by Chuck (very meta) and Dean ends up needing cavities filled.

Garth gives him laughing gas for the procedure, during which Dean has a dream of a black and white 50s style dance sequence. It takes place in the bunker and while initially it's Dean dancing with Garth, eventually Garth leaves and Dean runs over to pick up a lamp from the corner of the room to dance with. Here's the whole thing:

But once it's Dean and the lamp, the dance becomes markedly more romantic - he's dancing with the lamp as a partner, not like the tap dancing he and Garth do side-by-side.

Also important to note that they're dancing to "Let's Misbehave," which is about sex and also was written by Cole Porter, who was gay. This is a really good breakdown of the dance itself, the significance of the song and Cole Porter and its connections to old queer Hollywood.

At the end of the episode, Dean sees Bess and Garth dancing in their living room through the window and says "You know, I always thought I could be a good dancer if I wanted to be."

This is pretty clearly associating the dream sequence, and Dean dancing with a lamp, as about Dean longing for a partner and therefore the lamp as a stand-in for that partner.

NOW. Meta was written as soon as this episode aired with people linking the lamp to Cas, and there has continued to be much better meta than I can write here - this one is in-depth and connects it to themes across the seasons and Dean's years-long character arc. "Cas is Lamp" even has its own superwiki page.

But besides all the normal meta deancas reasons and the fact that this comes at a time when Dean's character arc had been building both to him wanting to settle down with someone AND that someone being Cas (this is the episode right after The Trap and Dean's "I should have stopped you/of course I forgive you" prayer), Cas (and angels broadly) is associated with light and lamps throughout the series, perhaps most iconically in 4x16.

So, after 15x18, "the lamp thing" was something frequently cited and that we held onto as another thing they'd dropped alluding to (nay, ensuring - because they'd surely somehow have to wrap up Dean's own arc of wanting a partner to settle down with) a happy deancas endgame where Cas is rescued and they live happily ever after.

And then. 15x20 happened. And "why lamp" took off as part of a long list of "if they were just never going to mention Cas again, let alone resolve the confession or this very key part of Dean's story arc of wanting to settle down, why did they include [long list of things that make no sense with the ending we got]." Why lamp has become shorthand for a long list of missing links and loose ends and things that just don't add up. If deancas wasn't going to be the happy endgame, then why lamp. Why did they drop so many clues and work up to a very clear resolution for Dean's character arc if they were just going to drop it. Why lamp. It's one of those things that will haunt us because we will never get an answer. Okay grandma, let's get you to bed. But why lamp.

[indubioprocoffee]

“I wouldn’t have picked this for movie night if I’d known it had so many sex scenes …,” Dean confessed, as the credits rolled. Cheeks flushed, palms sweaty, he reached for the remote to turn off the tv.

Everyone shifted uncomfortably in their seats, except Charlie, who was still stuffing her mouth with popcorn, and Eileen who did God knows what to Sam under the blankets.

“At least the kids weren’t here,” Cas mumbled. He was sitting right next to Dean and was seemingly unaffected.

Good for him. Dean couldn’t remember any plot details of the movie if he wanted to. He could barely concentrate with Cas right next to him, breathing nice and steady, while unspeakable things were happening on the screen.

“Well it’s kinda late,“ Sam said, his voice hoarse, yawing intently. It was no secret what those two would do in about two minutes.

“Alright. Get out of here you two pervs,” Dean said seemingly disgusted. But he smiled, he was happy for them.

“I think I’m going to take a nice shower,” Charlie declared and left the room with a wink, leaving him alone with Cas.

Not that he usually minded being alone with Cas, but right know he was tense with desire, already sporting a chubby and desperate to jerk off. He shifted a little on the bed, trying to hide the reason for his uneasiness.

“Hey, um, Cas? You uhm, wanna go too? It’s really kinda late and all …”

“Go where? It’s a quarter past nine, Dean.”

“Yeah … um, I’m kinda tired. I think, I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Are you alright, Dean?” Cas asked tilting his head curiously. “You’re sweating and your blood pressure is elevated.”

“Yeah, maybe I’m getting a cold,” Dean replied, thankful for the excuse.

“No. Wait, I know what’s wrong with you. You are aroused.” He smiled happily, seemingly proud that he solved the puzzle.

“What?! I’m … that’s …”

“I’m very sure, Dean.”

“You … You know what? You are right,” Dean burst out. His pants were getting painfully tight, and he just wanted some relieve. So screw it. “I’m fucking horny, and I need to take care of it, before I lose my mind, okay?”

“Let me help you.”

“What?!?” Maybe he really was losing his mind. “Cas, no. That’s … No!”

“I’ve seen it in the movie. It can’t be that hard.”

Oh, but it was. Really friggin hard right now.

“You always think of me anyways when you do it.”

“What? You … you know about that?”

Cas shrugged. “It’s kind of like a prayer I guess.” Dean felt his eye twitching, unable to move, unable to think.

“Dean? Dean, are you alright?”

[babygirldilf]

I think that Dean and Cas' story is truly a love story. From beginning to end, we see endless little storylines and director choices and writing choices and actor choices, we see their bond builds and builds and breaks and builds again and they ultimately have some of the most epic quotes spoken to them or by them, their story to it's core is a story about love, and how It can change even the most heartless of beings. It is also a story of so many beautiful mergings, between heaven and earth, angel and human, we see two supposed opposite beings literally fall in love infinite times over while trying to save each other again and again, and in so many ways, not always good ways, but all in good intention.

An angel of the lord saves the righteous man from hell. This is where they start. And then he continues trying to explain to him why he deserves to be saved. Why he will do it time and time again. And so he does.

They go to purgatory together, and the whole time they are there their whole mission is trying to save one another, even if it meant sacrificing oneself, because the other one is too important for them to lose, to imagine a life without, to deprive them of continuing to live like they deserve.

They always tried to keep the other one safe and close, without knowing truly why that is what they wanted.

The angel rebelled for the human. He kept doing everything for him, and the human did everything for the angel, trusted him, made him his family, and taught him what family truly meant.

They were each other soulmates, which was confusing and took some time for the angel to comprehend since he never had a soul to begin with. Maybe the human made him grow a soul, even if only figuratively, but either way, he couldn't deny the truth once it set in; it was the love he had for this human that changed him, changed everything, the entire course of the universe.

So yeah, Castiel, Angel of the Lord, Celestial being of Heaven and the Divine, let his love change him. And he became other things, like Cas and Huggy Bear and Sunshine. He let the heaven in him fall in love with the earth and never came back to the heartless soulless being he once was. He loved now and was in love, and it was so much it was enough to make him happy.

And Dean loved Cas. He loved him a lot. He saw praying as begging but only prayed to Cas. Only begged Cas to see him and understand he needs him, because love is too big a word, or too small, or too hard to let out of his throat. He let himself be hurt by Cas both physically and emotionally because as much as Cas cared for him, there were times he did not know the best ways to show it. He trusted him time and time again and gave him the benefit of the doubt until he couldn't find it in him anymore to hold against his own anger and lost it. Lost his angel to his anger while he froze in place. But he woke up in time, and prayed again to his angel to come to him, to save himself, because he loved him, he loved him so much that he let his anger die and let himself cry for his love. And Cas came to him and heard his prayer, but not the love that was too scared to be set free.

And then it was time. It was time for Cas to save Dean one last time, and the only way he could do that was by confessing his love and being happy and then abruptly being taken away forever. And he shared it all, everything they never talked about so openly before but always fucking felt and knew was there. Because not only he always loved Dean, he always really saw him, saw it all, and knew it all, but understood better than anyone that this Righteous Man did everything for love and out of love. Cas not only fell in love with the earth or with a human but with the most human aspect of this world, which was love. Dean was love incarnate, and Cas was always in Awe of him

So they loved and loved and lost each other, and it hurt like hell to think they would never have their happy ending.

But Dean and Cas had a fan base. A full on Fandom of people who loved them truly and wanted them to have a happy ending. And the writers aren't the only ones who matter in this story. We changed them too.

In my eyes, and I'm sure that in many of yours as well, Dean and Cas are happy and alive. They are together and in love, like they have always wanted to be, like they deserved to be. And it is good, and sweet, and safe, and sound.