#tell me to fix shit if i do it badly
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scripted-downfall · 2 years ago
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"For Good" from Wicked is such a Destiel song, oh my lord. It's just so!!!
"And we are led/To those who help us most to grow/If we let them/And we help them in return/Well, I don't know if I believe that's true/But I know I'm who I am today/Because I knew you"
"It well may be/That we will never meet again/In this lifetime/So let me say before we part/So much of me/Is made of what I learned from you"
"You'll be with me/Like a handprint on my heart"
"And just to clear the air/I ask forgiveness/For the things I've done/You blame me for" "But then, I guess/We know there's blame to share" "And none of it seems to matter anymore"
"Who can say/If I've been changed for the better?/I do believe I have been changed for the better" "And because I knew you" "Because I knew you/I have been changed/For good"
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Just: !!!
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vaguely-concerned · 1 month ago
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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ishikawayukis · 2 years ago
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kinda related to isai's post (i didn't want to be annoying in the tags that's why i'm making another post) but if you see a whitewashed post not reblogging it it's not enough, sometimes a creator genuinely does not know that they're whitewashing/colorwashing (original source extremely desaturated, the colors of their screen are different/unbalanced etc) and if no one points it out, if no one tells them hey i think this is looking a bit pale/yellow/red, how are they supposed to know and fix the mistake. not saying go an attack them but especially if they're a mutual you can send a dm telling them or a simple ask. basically ignoring the issue or being vague about it it's not gonna make it go away
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autopsytableromance · 1 month ago
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Evan kelmp man that you are ……………..
#the psychosis metaphor. the guard dog nature. it’s not a wound it’s just healed badly. i realize this thing is just here to hurt people and#I think man I know that song and I keep kicking. telling stories that are normal to you to get a worried looks and ppl asking if you’re okay#literally brennans explanation of how evan felt fighting that salamander was so.#this character was created in a lab to make me specifically crazy. and boy oh boy is it working !#I can’t get over aabria referring to his arm as ‘not a wound just healed badly’ and that the only way to fix it is to break it again and k#being so convinced they can help it’s so. I can’t put into words buts it’s so. that’s their whole everything.#evan isn’t broken he’s just healed wrong and people around him can’t or won’t accept that. and it’s coming from a good place (sometimes)#but it has the same effect in the long run which is the reinforcement that he is wrong and bad and needs to change but he CANT bc he HAS#healed. he isn’t carrying around an open wound he has worked on that but that shit never goes away. it’s there forever and it looks wrong an#scary to people and it probably always will but it works#he said it’s different metrics of success I kept the arm and then k tries to fix and he loses the arm. do you understand me.#do you you see. can anyone fucking hear me.#it’s about being so scary to the people you love that your success is still cause for concern and they don’t understand that you’re doing#better !! you are doing good !! I’m not sad anymore he said and it’s. oh god.#anyway mismag makes me feel ill if I think about it too long so I have to stop now#prsnl
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stereax · 4 months ago
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saw you post 'listen before you go', thought you'd enjoy this:
oh...
#sterechats :)#going through It. and by It let's just say. the worst loss of my life lol#but I don't think anyone wants to hear how I ruined it again#and how badly I miss them#and if they'd give me one more chance I'd be the happiest person in the world#they put up with so much shit I should never have put them through#I can't blame them for leaving I just wish I could show them how much they mean to me#that behind all of my masks and my anger I cared about them more than anything#and I'm just so damn scared of being vulnerable because I've learned vulnerability is weakness#and even though that's wrong and I know it is it's less vulnerable to close myself off and respond with rage#than it is to actually confront my own emotions and realize that I'm not a robot#that I have feelings and they're usually really big and overwhelming for me#and I have to step back and process these things on my own because it's unfair to others#because I can't keep treating my friends like they're responsible for my emotions and at fault for them#because I need to actually communicate my needs instead of assuming people know them#because these same patterns are why I keep losing friends over and over again#and if I don't fix them I'm never going to be able to maintain a friendship#god. if they're ever going to read this I hope they know how much they mean to me#and how deeply and truly sorry I am for everything I've done#and how I never want to hurt them ever again#and I'm crying again. it feels like all I'm ever doing recently is crying#you know that saying 'you don't realize what you have until it's gone'? yeah.#for all the shit I talked I'd do anything to hear them tell me about their f1 drivers again#I miss them so much it's killing me it feels like#I just. I don't think they're coming back#no matter how much I tell myself they just need a few weeks or months#I think I really fucked it up this time and I don't want to admit it to myself#because I don't think I can mentally accept that they're gone forever most likely#I just want to hope that they'll give me that one last chance and I can prove myself#I just want to talk to them again and it hurts so much
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thethingything · 6 months ago
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so CBT never worked for us in therapy. basically every instance of it was therapists trying to get us to stop being anxious about very real problems that were very likely to happen. like, situations that were not only likely, but would be very dangerous if they did happen. sometimes even things that had already happened and were likely to happen again.
meanwhile we have an app on our phone that guides you through various CBT exercises and it turns out when we use that for the kind of shit where we already know our brain is being irrational and we just want to get our thoughts together and work through the issue by writing it out, it works really fucking well and oh look suddenly we've been doing CBT for an hour and processed the root cause of several key emotional issues we've been having for years.
funny how that works. it's almost like we can actually figure out for ourselves when something is irrational and when it's an actual real problem that could put us in danger and shouldn't be dismissed. who'd have fucking thought it
#personal#thoughts#Lucy post#therapy#this is fine to reblog if it resonates with you. if anyone starts being a shithead in the notes I'm blocking on sight though#do not pull a ''see! CBT can be helpful if it's done right! if it harmed you then your therapist was just doing it wrong'' in my comments#the therapists that harmed us were using the exact same techniques but just as a blanket solution for every single problem#and yeah you can argue that's ''doing it wrong'' and I couldn't really say you're wrong about that#but when someone's saying ''hey the way this technique is usually used has done a lot of harm to me''#it's kind of shitty to be like ''well that's not real CBT though. real CBT isn't harmful''#when it's the same techniques being used in the way they're very often used because the therapists are taught to use them that way#anyway this has been a random rant about CBT because I'm pissed that a tool that does help us when used for a very specific set of issues#has been used so badly in the past that we still end up being reluctant to use it for the things it actually helps with#because we still associate the fucking thinking traps and shit with being gaslit and told we were being irrational#for thinking very real very dangerous situations were in fact real and dangerous to us#having to admit that CBT helped with something feels like when you finally take the advice about going outside and hydrating more#and eating better and gratitude journaling and realise you do actually feel better and have to admit the advice does help#after years of feeling like you're being dismissed because people keep telling you to do those things when you talk about being depressed#like okay yeah it did actually work. when I chose to do it. when I felt ready to#when I wasn't being forced into it by people expecting it to fix every single issue I have despite it only helping in very specific ways#anyway I wonder how much quicker we'd have learn healthy coping mechanisms if people hadn't treated various shit like cure-alls#and had said ''hey this will help with this specific thing in this way which will make these other things more manageable'' instead
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nexus-nebulae · 11 months ago
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its such an odd experience going through two very very similar traumas within the span of three years, going through the first one blind but this one just hyperaware of every development like. the first time recovery was like chipping away at an iceberg that i couldn't see the bottom of but not being able to know the full extent of it almost made the work more easy in a way? but then being Aware™ is just like. the embodiment of This Is Fine Dog. i can see the whole damn iceberg and it is so fucking big
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n4b3 · 1 year ago
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.
#genuinely just want her out of my life the pain i experienced whenever i see her is tremendous#it is equally as painful as being ill#i woke up at 4am and its almost 6 and i can't stop thinking about her#and i stupid ass girl thought everything would be fine that she would understand what im going through and cried my eyes out asking for hel#and yet i got nothing. thinking she was someone i could rely on#it is so painful to see the fragments of what we were in other people. but she has actively avoided me and treated me so badly#and yet i bite back when she does and it couldn't get any worse#and i held to that hope that there's a way it can be fixed there's hope to that promise she said she didn't want to lose me#and lose the connection we had for so many years#it's like she's that kind of person everybody likes. everybody friend. but its only there for the good times and not for the bad times#and made me wonder what does friend mean to other people? for me is for the ppl who are in the good and the bad#i just kind of realized i can't talk to her anymore bc it sends me on this spirals of why's why's why's#why is she like that with me? why didn't she kept up with her promise? what kind of shit did i do or say that made everything go south?#this is too much for me and i don't know what I did wrong#everywhere i go i just see her bc she's my classmate but also i can't scape her bc her art is suddenly in art galleries#she haunts me in a way#but i miss her so much and i just we could go back to what we used to be#and i don't understand why shes like that with me none of our common friends understand either and everyone telling me to drop her#because of her behavior#and im just here praying for someone to pop up into my life and take me out of this misery#but it is really one of the hardest things for me is to meet new people literally my Achilles heel#its so hard to go through this pain alone i can barely keep up with the illness i have this shit is the cherry on top#made me wish I had ride or dies#and I have so many reasons to hate her and treat her badly and awful and yet i don't do it... and I even forgave her what she did to me#treats me like I was the one who did what she did to me#is really so bizarre
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rivilu · 28 days ago
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Putting him in the blender is no longer enough I need to-
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#river rambles#oc: elluin#I got to thinking about how him becoming shyka is so fucked up from a THIRD ANGLE#besides the obvious horror of it all#and the daeran pov of the person you loved that saved you from a terrifying hivemind entity becoming part of one#just. it sort of mirrors aeons in a way. yeah duh it's trickster you may say LET ME SPEAK#In the sense of . You know beings that see multiple versions of reality and timelines and everything#and are supposedly somewhat keeping order#How with the aeon in particular he genuinely felt insulted when offered the path as. He's an anomaly right. From a cosmic perspective#and it's caused him nothing but shit. To have a being that's supposed to fix cosmic errors show up to him-#and have the nerve to ask for ANYTHING? Again- insulting#but in a way Shyka isn't very different are they#of course there's the rather important detail of Elluin being part of them already#a snake biting its tail eternally- if you will#(and also the further context that Ellu is scared shitless of any Eldest more than any other entity. or god even)#just. you're on this path because you desperately crave freedom- control of your own fate#to hold it in your own hands rather than get tossed around by it like a punching bag#And you DO! But it's just not enough. When deep down you've always seen yourself as wretched and doomed. Having that notion confirmed..#well. that's it. Its set in stone. It doesnt matter that your power is SHATTERING stones- the option doesn't even cross your mind.#It was never going to. no matter how badly you want to live- you could never fathom a reason why you'd deserve to#i'm very normal about this. you can tell by the second person narration.
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baekuras · 1 month ago
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trying to fucking write more applications while my laptops one single tiny fucking stupid irritable fan is making a rACKET (unlike the superior big fan next to it) so i have to keep prying the damn thing open to stop it bc nothing else helps only for it to return ina vengence like 2 minutes later is currently pissing me off so bad
the other optin is hitting it like 20 times (:
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indi-glo-archive · 4 months ago
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Tara doesn't have the cursed twist-out in the promo pics. Black people win at not losing
#no we don't. show's still racist. unless it all gets fixed bc the aesthetics aren't enough to sway me#also they did this w s2 pics and she only had that style for part of the season. AND she wasn't a stud. it made me sad :(#but hey. a baby step is a baby step. although it certainly does not imply any more steps will be taken#I also still don't know what Michael's hair deal is#although looking at it esp now that my hair's grown out it kinda just looks like my afro#slightly different curl pattern. which makes sense bc my hair's coilier than darragh's#i believe that this is a natural afro. natural afros just look like that#by like that i mean unless you're freshly cut specifically for an afro there are gonna be bits of frizziness on the top#a sad reality for a perfectionist fashionista#seems like a regular afro. i can't tell if it's badly picked or if his curls are just more visibly defined or both#i don't think i've really seen someone with his hair type do a fully picked out afro like that though#you usually want to keep the definition when you have it. like with some of the hairstyles darragh has actually had#logically thinking picking it like that would just fuck with your definition. and it'll look badly picked and/or poorly defined#which is what i'm getting from the grainy twitter image#it's def plausible that hair and makeup gave him that afro just to have a black guy with The Afro#while ignoring/not understanding how afros actually work irl and how they're done on different hair types and such#but i want to wait to see it in action before i fully shit on this dude's hair for what could be no reason
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medicinemane · 5 months ago
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Sometimes you have something that you could say, that you think about saying, that you more or less know how you'd phrase it... but it's just not fucking worth it cause you know for a fact that people don't fucking listen
I don't know, I try to stay... if not optimistic then at least with a mind set of "doesn't matter, we've got no choice but to try and make things better"
Truthfully though I think I'm extremely pessimistic when it comes to the chances of anyone actually listening to what I say
I'm not sure if I'm just bad with words but... it seems impossible to convey even simple thoughts to people so... truthfully I've more or less given up and have just stopped trying. Especially if I don't at least know people well
So there it is
#like I could have said this; and I could have said that; and... hmm... I just don't think I would have succeeded in conveying that like...#I'm actually on your side man; I'm in your corner on this#I think you might be tilting at windmills here#but it's not fucking worth it anymore cause history shows me I'd either get no response or one that missed every word I said#and... I just give up... with everything#I don't want to say no one listens because that goes too far; but even with people I like very few people feel like they listen#people I adore where it's like... I'm not sure how you don't get that I can't 'move out' of my house cause... it's my house; like I own it#it's a question of telling someone else they have to leave; but like... I ain't leaving my home... this is mine#and... I don't understand how... this is like the 3rd or 4th time I've had to explain this; and it doesn't add up to me#cause this is someone that's brilliant that I know cares about me#...so I'm mostly confused... and a bit sad and hurt... but mostly I just don't get what I'm doing wrong in communicating#but if that's how I feel about someone I'm close to; how do you think I feel about strangers?#I don't understand what it takes to get people to listen#and like... there's a chance they would have; there's a chance they would have been super receptive#it's just... it's no longer worth the effort to me#it's not worth the effort on a chance; and perhaps I do them a real disservice; and perhaps I do the next person one too#but... there's too many people I run into these days where I'm right and so... I don't know; kinda am closed off at this point#or something; fuck it; doesn't matter#also you people worry too much about me just saying what's on my mind#whatever the fuck I may say here... ain't I cleaning and shit; whatever... hmm...#you'd fucking hate Eeyore; you say you'd like him; but I'm telling you that people can't fucking accept someone being a bit morose#you'd bother him to cheer up; you say you'd accept him; but I'm saying you wouldn't#and I'm saying you wouldn't cause no one can just let me say shit that's on my mind without making a big deal out of it#like at what point do I earn the right to not have to fix myself on top of all the other shit I'm trying to fix?#at what point does taking practical actions to try and improve my situation make up for me saying gloomy shit sometimes?#whatever... doesn't matter#if there's one thing I've learned in life it's that people care very much; and they're fucking horrible at actually supporting people#most people want to very much and suck very badly at it; in part cause they can't just sit with someone; they're always trying to fix thing#mm tag so i can find things later
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fake-bleach · 2 months ago
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ROAD TRIP STOP | LOGAN HOWLETT x READER
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taking a small road trip with old man logan where you’re halfway to where you need to be, and you're bored out of your mind. unluckily for you, your boyfriend won't possibly give into your antics.
or, logan fucks you in a gas station bathroom <3
word count: 3.3k
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WARNINGS/DISCLAIMERS: (18+ only!) fem!reader, porn w/ slight plot lol, piv, unprotected sex, this shit is roughhh, degrading, filthyyy dirty talk, use of pet names, slight choking, coming inside/creampie, manhandling? i guess?, logan refers to himself as "your old man" bc i'm insane, anddd happy ending bc we all know how much i love those! :D
a/n: there aren't nearly enough fics abt old man logan & i need him Badly.
+ logan pictures from @divinesols incredible moodboard <3
ao3 link! | my masterlist
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you’re 4 hours into your road trip, and logan, well, being the man he is, hasn’t let you drive a single second.
he tells you that you can just sit there n’ look pretty and that’s good enough for him. but, he’s getting tired, and the nearest hotel isn’t for another 50 miles.
you notice his eyes getting heavier, his body slouching more, his grip on the steering wheel loosening. so, you do what you do best. why not have some harmless fun with your old boyfriend?
your hands subtly inch over to his thighs, fingers trailing the clothed skin just above his knee, and he flinches surprisingly, glancing at you for a moment with that tired face of his.
“what are y’doing? huh?” he asks, with a quirk in his eyebrow and his voice rasping more than usual from his fatigue; it only makes it all the more arousing for you.
you grin, your head turned to look up at him with a sly expression. “just waking you up a bit. you’re practically falling asleep here.”
your fingers move upwards now, slowly but surely, and right before you can reach the spot just below his bulge, he sighs out, gripping your hand to lightly push it off of him.
“not here. got another hour left til’ we’re at the hotel. then, we can rest up, baby.”
you pout, looking at him eagerly. “are you even gonna make it there, lo?” you tease, “your eyes are getting heavier, you’re tired.. why don’t you just let me drive?” you attempt, but you’re knocked down the second you try.
he huffs, shaking his head. “don’t you try that shit. you know what m’gonna say to that.”
you groan at that, rolling your eyes fussily as your head turns to look up at the roof of the car. “you’re insufferable,” you sigh out, jokingly, of course. but, you were with logan long enough to know just how stubborn he could be. that he could almost always be.
which means, you knew exactly how to get what you wanted, in more ways than one. 
let’s just say this way was more fun, anyway.
you let out an exasperated breath before turning back to face him, your eyes lighting up just slightly before you open up your mouth.
“guess i just gotta..” you trail off, hands now on your body with your fingertips grazing the skin on your chest; roaming around the loose shirt you had on. “..entertain myself for the next hour then..”
logan turns his head to you now, eyes fixing on your hand just long enough to catch you slip it underneath your bra, cupping one of your tits. you let out a low moan as you look into his eyes, fingers rolling the nipple there, and he scoffs.
it’s a sound that has your heart racing immediately.
“you’ve been a good girl so far, sweetheart. would hate for you to switch up when we’re almost fuckin’ there.” he warns you, turning his head back to the road, having seen enough. “don’t you start now. gonna make you regret it.”
a pang of arousal hits you just like that, pussy involuntarily clenching around nothing as he threatens you; a threat that you definitely need to see for yourself.
you merely pout at him again, but his words aren’t enough to stop you. not when you’re just getting started.
your hand leaves your breast, slowly inching down your stomach, then to the waistband of your shorts, all with your eyes still locked on him. you bite your lip as your hand breaches underneath the material, testing the waters before your fingers reach the hem of your panties.
fingertips aching to dip into the wet heat, you anticipate your own touch as your hands lower, but an immediate grasp at your wrist stops you completely, eliciting a gasp from your throat.
mouth falling open in shock, you turn to look at the man responsible with that gruff look on his face, and that snarl from him gives you more than enough of a warning.
you clear your throat, letting out a noise of frustration towards your boyfriend as he all but tosses your hand away carelessly.
“knock. it. off. don’t make me say it again.”
logan nearly growls at you, moving in closer to get right in your face; he isn’t playing around, and you know it.
but, god, does it only encourage you more.
it isn’t until logan’s focus is completely back on the road that you test the waters again; your fingers finally inserting themselves into your soft, warm folds, wet and waiting so impatiently.
it makes you moan, a hushed sound that you try your hardest to bite back from releasing, but you’re evidently unsuccessful.
so, before you know it, the truck is swerving, causing you to pull yourself back to hold onto the sides of the car, anywhere that you could grab onto. the wheels squeal loudly as the high pitch penetrates your ears, and logan makes a harsh u-turn without a second to waste.
“lo! what the fuck!” you exclaim loudly, wild eyes reaching for his own, but it’s no use. he’s dead set in front of him, shaking his head furiously as the white of his knuckles present itself from holding onto the wheel so tightly.
he’s had enough of your shit.
his eyes never leave the road in front of him once, never returning to you. no matter how much you talk or try to get him to respond, he doesn’t budge.
instead, for the next 5 minutes, silence fills the space between you as your eyes shut from your frustration. it’s all you really can do at this point.
but, it’s only when the high screech of the wheels halting and the gear being put into park has your eyes opening again, eyes latching onto the bright lights in front of you.
a gas station, and the convenience store’s white luminescent glass reflecting on logan’s face. he’s out the driver’s side as soon as you can look at him, and before you can process it, he’s dragging you out of the truck, slamming the door shut as he does so.
you scramble against him, fists almost pushing their hardest into his chest as you whine loudly, increasingly dazed and confused.
“logan, what the fuck are you doing?! let go of me!”
you fight against him harder, but there’s nothing stopping him. not now.
he lets out an exasperated breath, his heavy footsteps embedding themselves into the loud gravel beneath them as he drags you along.
“don’t play that shit with me. actin’ like you don’t know what the hell you’re doing,” he practically yells at you in a hushed voice, “you know what the fuck you’re doing.”
“walk.” he orders you instantly, and you don’t hesitate to obey. not when his voice gets like that.
most of all, because it makes your heart pound—pounding in your chest because he’s right. you know what you’re doing.. but, you can’t say you regret it. no, not one bit.
and if he’s gonna make you regret it, you might as well go all out. right?
his grip on your arm is tight as you walk side by side with him, leading you into the gas station with the door open for you. you can’t even acknowledge the cashier from how quick logan swifts the two of you past them; straight towards the bathroom, and it makes you gulp. 
it’s too late for anyone to be around, too late for anyone to care, and you know that. but, the thought exhilarates you anyway.
he shoves the door open with a hushed whisper—one that’s almost incoherent as it escapes his lips. “you wanna act like a fucking brat?” he shuts the door hurriedly, shoving your body against the sink, “i’m gonna treat you like a fucking brat.”
you yelp at the sudden movement, his fingers digging themselves into your skin as you cry out at the feeling. it’s rough and brutal and it burns, but it’s so fucking good.
“lo.. lo, please,” you whine as your eyes shut tightly, the overwhelming sensation of his hands on you and his hot breath hitting your skin being too much to handle.
your body is flush against the sink as you attempt to squirm, to try to get him to do something, anything.
that cruel laugh of his fills your ears—quiet yet booming in your head as it sends chills throughout your entire body, eyes flashing open to look at him in the mirror in front of you. “please? please?” logan mocks you, “do y’even know what you’re asking for, baby? nah.. you don’t.”
“you just want..” logan trails off, his hands mindlessly reaching for your shorts, “to get fucked.. like the whore you are.”
without a single warning, he yanks them down along with your panties, and your whines are impossible to stop when the cool air hits your bare skin. when his filthy words are the only thing you can think about.
“can’t keep these pretty hands to yourself, you gotta rile me up to do it for you?” you hear the clank of his belt unbuckling, the zipper of his jeans sliding down, “gotta piss me off every goddamn time you get so fucking needy? i mean,” he laughs harder now, “not that i really blame you..”
logan pauses, and his eyes that were once staring directly at you now shift to look straight ahead, latching onto your mirrored reflection instead. as if he was looking right into you now. “pretty girl like you.. would be a shame to let this cunt go to waste. so, i’ll do you a favor..”
your jaw falls open in complete shock as your face contorts, as the tip of his cock breaches your tight hole, making your eyes roll back instantaneously with a sob from your lips.
“i’ll use her real good. for what she’s made for, yeah?”
your hands grip the sink in front of you as tightly as possible, body trembling as logan groans into your ear, his hands on your body never loosening.
instead, his grip only tightens as his hips become flush against your ass, his entire cock piercing you to the hilt with a satisfied moan.
“that was easier this time, wasn’t it? gettin’ used to me now. just needed to..” logan takes a moment to pull himself out of you, the tip resting against your entrance as he groans. he slams himself back inside of you so hard that your body fails you, your hands landing on the mirror to hold yourself up, bent over.
“break her in real fucking good.”
your body shakes against him as you cry out at his intrusion, stammering out a string of noises as your walls involuntarily clench around him over and over again. it’s almost as if you’re rapidly adapting to him; the way he stretches you out so much that it hurts in the best way possible. you’re pulsing around him, increasingly growing wetter by the second as your eyes water from the intense sensation.
your words slur with a few whines of what seem to be logan’s name as your hands move back to the sink, attempting to push yourself back up against him, but he stops you. grabbing one of your hands, he places it right against the mirror again, holding it still as he grinds himself into you. it makes you breathe out rapidly, body bent over the sink completely now.
“keep em’ right there. right fucking there. you don’t get to do that. y’don’t get to make any choices here.” he grunts in your ear, his thick beard grazing along your jaw as his eyes flicker from your face back to the mirror. he notices the way you’re trembling, eyes filled with those pretty tears of yours, and it makes him smile—a chuckle leaving him shamelessly.
he takes a moment to admire you, whispering out, “what i’m gonna do to you, baby..” and it makes your eyes flutter shut, warmth filling your core.
his other hand trails up the front of your body now, and it practically covers you completely because of how big it is—your stomach, your breasts, your chest, then finally, your neck. your gasp is loud; heavy, as his fingers wrap around your throat, holding you still for him.
all of you in the palm of his hand—all in his control.
you moan eagerly as he looks into your eyes through the mirror, grinning almost maliciously, “isn’t this what you wanted?” he laughs, his hips stirring a bit as he agonizingly pulls out of you, making you wince, “you wanted my attention so bad, wanted my cock so fucking bad..” he growls in your ear, his hand sliding from your throat to the back of your neck, pushing you down hard, and it makes you grip onto the side of the sink even more. 
“well, now you fucking got it.”
the sound of his rasping grunt hits you first; before you’re sobbing out on his cock, pelvis hammering inside of you with a tight hold on your neck, keeping you there with no chance of stopping, no squirming, no escaping.. no running away from this.
all you can do is take it as he pounds into you, the agonizing ache of his cock sliding in and out of you rapidly increasing the coil in your core, your loud cries and moans enough to make him go harder.
“there you go, there she is..” logan grits out, hands now grasping at your hips, smacking your ass, eliciting a grunt from you, “better fuckin’ hope no one walks in here, or else all they’re gonna see is some whore gettin’ used.”
you cry out as you feel the tip of his cock reach the deepest parts inside of you, nudging your g-spot suddenly as a tear slides down your cheek, your knuckles white from how tight you were grasping at your surroundings. your cheeks grow hot from the idea of that happening, stomach tightening as heat pools your core.
“what’d they think, huh? you think they’d wanna join in on the fun? bet they’d wanna fuck you too after i’m done with you. tightest fuckin’ hole i’ve ever had.”
you whine out now, shaking your head desperately in retaliation as you deny it. you couldn’t ever have another man like this, not now, not ever—only him.
logan sighs out, “no, no, no, i’d never let em’ baby, don’t you worry,” he reassures you, pressing his lips against the top of your head, “this,” he murmurs, his hand reaching to cup the front of your cunt, the rough skin on his palm grazing your clit just enough to make you squeal, “s’all fuckin’ mine. you hear me? not a single soul gets to use her like i can.”
“not like she’d want it anyway. only wants my cock in her. s’the only way she can really be filled up.. fucked stupid and cryin’ for me. ain’t that right? never got fucked by a man like me before y’met me, and i’m sure as hell no one will ever get her trembling like i do.”
you shake your head again, tears continuously spilling out of your eyes as your stomach tightens repeatedly, “n-no, lo, only you—” you stammer out as logan buries himself inside of you to the hilt, plunging into the warm heat of your walls, and he slows, relying on pure power than pace now. the harsh drive of his hips has your head fogging up, so close to reaching your peak with your cunt shuddering.
“ohh, there we go, she’s doing it now. shaking all over this fucking cock, squeezin’ me so tight,” he hisses, “that all you up in this pretty little head, or can you even control it? can’t even control it, can you, baby?”
a string of noises leaves your lips, breathless and mixed with whines and a few tears in your eyes as your core spasms out, his cock hitting deep inside of you repeatedly.
“what was that? can’t really.. understand you, baby, y’gotta speak up..” he teases, a mean laugh escaping his throat, “c’monnn, use your words, really think em’ out, say em’ clearly.”
“c’mon, show me that you’re still my good girl. my good little girl. speak up for your old man, honey.”
you yelp out at his filthy words, “m’.. i c-can’t.. control it, ah!” your moans involuntarily stringing out, eyes fluttering shut and rolling to the back of your head, your pussy convulsing around him intensely. “g-gonna–c-cum, lo, oh—” you spit out, your chest grasping for as much air as possible.
he hums in your ear now, fingers reaching for your clit and fastening tight, harsh circles at it, making you shudder, your cunt throbbing around his cock—pulsating over and over again as you start to see white. “gonna fill you up, sweetheart, gonna make you take it, fuck.”
you can’t even register him anymore as he talks you through it, the “come for me, baby,” muffled in your ears as you listen to him, cunt constricting around him tightly as you soak him, and the sound is filthy as logan chases his release, squelching loudly from your climax.
you let out a muffled sob as logan finally reaches his peak, slamming himself deep inside of you as he holds you there, the spurts of white hot spilling & coating your walls. all you can hear is the ringing in your ears, along with the mixture of your heavy breaths and logan’s rasps surrounding you.
logan’s strong arms pull you up against him as you catch your breath, heart rate slowing as your back leans against his chest tiredly. he mutters sweet nothings to you, praising you with kisses along your neck, cheek, then to your lips.
“my good fucking girl, my sweet girl—oh, baby,” he hums in your ear, eyes shut as he takes you in. you sigh out, breathing him in as your hand reaches behind, landing on the back of his head to pull him in closer, “god, i love you.”
you laugh, pressing a mindless kiss on his skin, “i love you more, lo, i–i’m sorry for acting out, for being such a—” you begin to apologize, but he just shuts you up with another peck to your lips. “shh, you hush now. i appreciate it.. you riling me up all the damn time. s’ the only way i can still feel so young.”
you giggle, eyes opening up to turn your head to him, taking in his disheveled look—tired, old, grumpy. the man you loved, as handsome as ever.
“always young in my eyes, lo..” you smile, “besides.. it’s the only way i can get you to fuck me that good.” you tease.
he huffs, rolling his eyes. “i fuck you that good every goddamn time, n’ don’t you deny it.”
you laugh, nodding. you can’t deny that fact. but, your eyebrows furrow slightly, suddenly thinking back to the previous events.
“did you really fuck me in a gas station bathroom, babe? what if someone walked in?!” you groan, pushing your forehead into his chest, embarrassed.
he chuckles, “locked it the minute we got in here, baby. wouldn’t let anyone see you like that,” he reassures you, gently gripping the side of your head to make you look up at him, “you got that?”
his face is stern now as he looks into your eyes, and those butterflies in your stomach erupt as if it were the first time you ever got them from him. you nod though, gleaming up at him.
“got it.”
he grins, “good. now, let’s get you cleaned up n’ back on the road. back’s killing me even more now n’ that bed’s calling my name.”
you laugh at him, teasing him further. “old man.”
you wouldn’t want it any other way.
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cinnamorollcrybaby · 1 month ago
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MILF
Tags: Toji x Reader, nsfw, mdni, breeding kink, unprotected sex, car sex, daddy kink
Synopsis: Toji loves fucking milfs. Send tweet.
An: I love how we all collectively as a fandom decided Toji is the nastiest mf out there. I just really feel like he is down w everything.
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Toji thinks it’s adorable when you’re apologizing profusely for canceling plans on him again. Kid’s gotta come first, right? He knows that being a single mom is hard, and that you wouldn’t be cancelling plans so often if you didn’t have a kid.
He doesn’t mind sitting with your kid while you take a while to get ready. He sits next to your son on the couch and plays xbox with him, telling you to take your time. He knows you don’t get to get out too often. Hell, your kid probably doesn’t know what a babysitter is because you never know how to take a break.
Toji finds you stunning as soon as you walk out of the bedroom in that sexy black dress. He doesn’t even mind that your snot nose brat just killed him in whatever game they were playing. “Haha! I beat you!” Your son gloats. While you talk to the babysitter about what your kid can and can’t have, he leans over towards your son’s ear. “Yeah, well, I’m gonna go fuck your mom, so who’s really winning?”
He has to practically drag you out of the house, placing his hand on the small of your back as a firm guide towards his car. He knows how badly you need “adult time”. You’ve complained plenty about only hanging out with your kid and having no social life.
His excitement grows as he watches you get tipsy off one glass of wine. You really don’t get out much, do you? He carefully walks you back to his car after dinner, and you’re just gushing over your little brat back at home. He’s had to stop you from calling the babysitter like 5 times to check up on him.
“Too busy takin’ care of everyone else, ma. Let me take care of you.” He mutters in your ear as he parks his car in the middle of nowhere.
Toji fucking loves the curves that come from childbearing, and don’t even get him started on the stretch marks. He’s a fiend when it comes to your full breasts that aren’t as perky as they were before your son.
He adores how moms aren’t afraid to get it on anywhere. They know the value of time, and they never know when another opportunity will arise. They take it when they can get it, and right now, you’re taking it in the back of Toji’s car.
“Mmmn~ shit. You swear you’re not a virgin?” He moans as your gummy walls squeeze tightly around his length. You’d giggle at his comment if you weren’t so full of his cock. You can only manage to let out a pathetic quiet whine.
“Nuh uh, louder baby.” He instructs as he works on stretching your cunt out. “Tonight’s all about you. Let me hear you.” A more confident moan falls from your lips from his words, and he grins behind you, loving the way you sound while you struggle to take him all in.
Toji has you face down ass up in his back seat. Your ass ripples with each time he plunges his thick cock in and out of you. The car fills with the nastiest noises straight from your sopping wet cunt. He swears to god moms always get the wettest. Their bodies are experienced, knowing more lubricant helps ease his cock in and out.
“Fuuuck, ma. You feel so fuckin’ good.” He groans behind you as his hips continue to slap against your asscheeks. “Makin’ me want to breed this pussy for myself.”
“Ngh~ T-Toji!” You cry out as your face is pressed to the leather of the seat. Your mouth is slightly agape, drooling everywhere from being so cock drunk.
“Hm? What you think about that, ma? I could give you another little brat to raise.” The car creaks and rocks back and forth with each harsh thrust. His eyes are fixed on your juices that are pooling around the base of his cock.
“I- … oh god, fuck~” You don’t even have it in you deny him. His cock feels so fucking good; you don’t want to say anything to make him stop. You need this.
Slap!
His hand connects with the fat of your ass as he swats at you. “Not an answer, ma.” He grunts as he leans his weight onto you, using it to his advantage against your poor sticky cunt. His large hand presses between your shoulder blades, holding you down to the seat.
“B-breed me!” Your voice cries out in a tone you’ve never heard before.
“Thaaat’s it.” He drawls with a smirk as his hips start to pound harder. “Good girl. Usin’ your words like that f’me. Daddy’ll give you what you want.”
Toji leans his head back, basking in the way your pussy is practically crying for him. Oh, the things flooding in his mind right now are downright fucking filthy. Thinking about how pretty you’d look pregnant with his kid. Thinking about giving your son a little sibling.
“Ohh~ my g-god… pleaasee.. I’m gonna come..” Your poor voice sounds so fucked out, your hips start to move, bouncing back against him while chasing your orgasm.
“Fuck yeah, ma… That’s it. Fuck me back.” He praises as his hand starts to massage your pillowy ass. His lewdly balls are clapping against your clit, stimulating you as well as making the most erotic noises. “Cum on daddy’s fat cock. C’mon. I know you can do it.”
Within seconds, your pussy is clenching around him, milking him for all he’s worth while your orgasm washes over you. “Shiiiit~ ma.” He hisses as he has to force himself to keep thrusting. His cock is throbbing from how sensitive he is right now, on the brink of his orgasm.
“Fuck. Toji, Toji, Toji..” You feel tears spring into your eyes as he continues to fuck you into oblivion. Overstimulated tears stroll down your cheeks as your body is so sensitive.
“Keep sayin’ my name, ma. Keep sayin’ daddy’s name.” He groans as he leans more into you, almost mounting you at this point. “Ngh~ gonna put a baby in you, okay ma?”
“Please—“ You hiccup as your body is continually getting wrecked.
A growl rips through his throat as he yanks your hips back into him, shoving himself as deep as your body will allow, and his cock pulses as he spills deep inside you.
Toji loves takin’ pretty mamas like you home after he’s finished ruining them. The way they half waddle and stumble back onto the house with his cum still nestled in their cute cunts. He imagines they try to sober up enough to kiss their kids goodnight before they get the best sleep of their life.
It ain’t much, but it’s honest work for Toji. 🫡
tags: @lemonlimecrystal-blog @theuniversesnepobaby
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orcelito · 2 years ago
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OK I do have that idea for a trigun longfic. And it is almost exclusively trimax inspired lol
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miss-oranje-disco-dancer · 4 months ago
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the handyman
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pairing: neighbor! joel miller x f! reader
cws/tags: pure smut, DADDY KINK, oral m & f receiving, p in v (unprotected), an abundance of pet names, reader is under 21 but over 18 (for the plot), reader is kinda stupid, big dick joel, not beta read
summary: pwp honestly. basically a porn plot? idk joel comes over to reader's grandma's house to fix the smoke detector (which she broke) and he teaches her how to be a good girl.
a/n: don't ask why reader lives with her grandma, originally this was going to be longer and it was going to be more relevant
join my taglist!
wc: 2k
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You open the front door to and see an unfamiliar man standing at your doorstep – 40 something, jeans and a t-shirt, progressively more handsome the longer you look at him. You size him up, trying to decide what his intentions are.
“Whatever it is you’re selling – I don’t wanna buy it," you say.
He opens his mouth, but you continue before he can say anything. “I don’t even live here anyway, and before you ask she’s not home, so you can’t talk to her.”
“I ain’t here to sell you shit.”
“Well, I don’t wanna sign anything either.”
“Good. ‘Cause I don’t want you to.”
“Then why are you here? I don’t have a lot of time before One Tree Hill comes back on, so make it quick.”
“I’m Joel. I live down the street. I’m here to fix your smoke detector.”
“Oh, in that case, come on in,” you say, changing your demeanor entirely as you realize that you really need to get in this man’s good graces.
“So, you’re ‘handyman’ grandma’s been talking about?” you ask, as you lead him to the kitchen.
“She’s been talking about me?”
“Yeah. She talks about you like you’re her boyfriend.”
“Oh yeah? What’d she say?”
“I dunno. I wasn’t really listening. I thought it might just be some dementia-induced delusion.”
“Well, she’s told me quite a bit about you.”
“Good things?”
“Better than the things she says about all of your other family members.”
“You know what they say, ‘if you don’t want people to talk badly about you, then you shouldn’t ruin Christmas.’”
“Uh-huh,” he says, only half-listening as he approaches the scene of the crime - a broken smoke detector, now just wires and plastic, lays on the kitchen counter. He studies it for a minute, furrowing his brows. “Jesus Christ. What happened?”
“It just fell off the wall.” You shrug, acting nonchalant and hoping he doesn't notice your shifty eyes from across the kitchen.
“No way,” he says – not with curious incredulity, but knowing disapproval.
He turns to you and crosses his arms over his chest, and engages you in a short staring contest.
“What?” you ask, feigning innocence.
Joel swipes the dish rag from the countertop and reveals the evidence you’d hidden under it like he's performing a magic trick.
He holds up the hammer, displaying it to you. He looks mostly disappointed in you - in an oddly paternal way, but also slightly amused, likely by how poorly you’d conducted this whole covert operation of yours. “Why’d you break it?”
“I didn’t break it.”
“Kid, I’m not an idiot. Just fess up, so we can fix it and move on.”
“Are you gonna tell on me?”
“You afraid of your meemaw’s wrath?” he teases.
“I don’t want her to be disappointed in me.”
“Should she be?”
“I didn’t mean to break it. I just wanted it to stop beeping.”
“It’s supposed to beep.”
You give him a pathetic pout that you hope works. It doesn’t. It only makes his gaze harden.
“I’m sorry. It was just one cigarette, and I really, really didn’t want to get in trouble… so when it went off, I panicked and hit it with the hammer.”
He shakes his head and sighs. “You’re a piece of work, kid. Making me come out here on my lunch break-”
“-I’m sorry," you interrupt, "I won’t do it again, so just please, please don’t tell on me.”
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“I could offer you something… something to show my infinite remorse for my actions and my infinite gratitude to you for fixing the mess I made.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Okay. What’s your offer?”
His smirk makes you think you’re on the same page so you get down on your knees in front of him, but when you look up into his eyes, what stares back at you is complete bewilderment.
“Get up,” he says, offering you his hand.
“I thought…”
“I don’t think you were thinking,” he says condescendingly.
“You’ve gotta learn to listen to the thoughts up here,” he says, tapping you on your temple. “Not the ones down here.” His finger brushes against your clit.
The way he speaks to you only makes it worse, the throbbing, aching feeling between your legs. You can’t find a single thing to say that isn’t ‘please’ followed by some utterly depraved suggestion.
Joel turns back to his work, somehow unfazed by the interaction.
“Normally, I’d think this sounds a bit too chauvinistic to ask, but since you owe me, can you get me a beer from the garage?”
Oh fuck. Three strikes, you’re out.
“We don’t have any beer.”
“You sure about that? I just put a six pack in there last week.”
“Maybe my grandma drank them already…”
“Your grandmother said that Budweiser tastes like cat piss.”
“It does.”
“Yeah? And how would you know that? I thought you weren’t 21 yet. Who’s buying you alcohol?”
“I didn’t know they were yours.”
“Uh-huh, but I bet your grandma would’ve told you they were if you’d asked her. But she doesn’t know about your ‘habits’, does she?”
“No,” you admit weakly.
“Come here.”
You step towards him, and wait for him to give you an earful or to threaten to reveal your secrets.
“I’m reconsidering your little offer.”
Your face lights up at the opportunity to make things right, to expunge this from your record.
“So if I did that, we’d be cool, right?”
“Depends on how good you are, darlin’.”
For a second time that afternoon, you sink to your knees, but this time, Joel gives you the go-ahead. You try to balance the coyness you’ve seen women in the movies demonstrate with the eagerness you feel inside as you undo his belt.
With his jeans halfway down his legs, you place your palm over the bulge in his boxers and feel him twitch at your touch. When his cock is finally released from its confines, you try not to be too intimidated. Your confidence is falling but your arousal only rises.
You begin by wrapping your hand around him and stroking his length, setting a steady pace. Then, you tease the tip with kitten licks and hear his breath hitch when you flick your tongue across his slit.
There’s no way you can take him all the way down your throat – you’d probably bruise your esophagus. Still, you try, sputtering and letting saliva drip down your chin. You can’t help but feel a bit proud of yourself when he has to put his hand on the counter to steady himself.
“Hold on, sweetheart,” he says through heavy breaths.
You pull away, upset at what you perceive to be a failure. “You didn’t cum…”
“I almost did, baby girl, but I don’t want to yet.”
You feel a bit pathetic imagining how you must look from his perspective, with your teary eyes, begging him to let you go on.
“You wanna give me a good apology, right?” He nods slowly, looking into your eyes, prompting you to do the same.
“Then, I want you to come sit on the couch with me.”
He takes your hand and walks you to the living room, patronizing since the two rooms are connected. When Joel sits down on the couch, he pulls you into his lap.
“I was thinkin’ about what I said before – how you’re not using your head. You could be such a smart girl – a good girl - if only you could think with your brain. You just need a little bit of help.”
You can feel his hard cock poking through his boxers and rubbing against your pussy. It’s hard to resist the urge to roll your hips, just to get a bit of friction, a bit of relief.
His hand finds its way between your legs and he asks, “What’s gonna happen if I put my hand in your panties right now, baby? Are you gonna be wet?”
While you try to form a response that doesn’t make you sound too desperate, his fingers toy with your waistband. “Remember, baby, good girls are honest,” he whispers into the shell of your ear.
“Yeah, I am… wet.”
“For me?” His hand meets your bare skin and finds that you are, indeed, dripping wet. “Did I do this to you?”
“Uh-huh.” You arch into his touch, shamelessly using his fingers for your own pleasure.
“If you want more, you have to be a good girl.”
With the promise of a reward, you follow his implied instructions and still your hips.
“I’ll be good. I promise.”
He takes your word for it and begins rubbing circles on your clit. You could cum from that alone but he slips a finger inside you, curling it upward to meet that special spot.
Joel expects a response from you, but not the one he gets.
A single word: “Daddy…”
“Oh, baby. I get it now. Been needin’ daddy to take care of you.”
He’s right. You do need this. He can take care of you, you can be good for him. When he fucks you with his fingers, you swear you could fall in love with him.
But when he takes them away, you cry.
“Shh… It’s okay,” he says, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “I wanna do something else. It’s gonna make you feel even better.”
Before you have a chance to think, your panties are on the floor and his head is between your thighs. You can feel his breath on your clit when he speaks. “I want you to be a good girl and cum on my face – can you do that?”
“Yes, daddy.” The word leaves your mouth more naturally than it probably should, it's almost instinctual.
Joel wastes no more time talking, knowing his tongue can convey much more when it runs along your folds, and his lips can elicit a better response when they suck lightly on your clit.
The only thing you have for him is moans accompanied by breathless chanting of “daddy, daddy, daddy.”
He hums into your core, an affirmative, a reminder that you are a good girl. You can do this.
You can cum for him. You will cum for him – there is nothing that can stop the euphoria that rushes through you. It’s the kind that makes your legs shake and your eyes roll back into your head.
Joel was right – the orgasm clears your mind. But the realization that the situation you’ve ended up in – naked on your grandmother’s couch with her middle-aged neighbor who is supposed to be fixing your mistake, not helping you make another - is a precarious one. Being a smart girl seems to be a double edged sword.
Euphemistically, speaking.
In truth, it’s Joel’s cock that’s fully-sheathed inside you. Pain and pleasure mix as he thrusts in and out of you. You swear he might split you open, but even if he quite literally tore you to pieces, you'd die happily.
“You’re takin’ it so well,” he tells you, “knew you’d be a good girl.”
And maybe it’s the praise, or maybe it’s his thumb on your clit, but you’re rapidly approaching a second orgasm. All you can do is hold onto Joel, dragging your nails down his back. He bites your neck in response, and hopefully he doesn’t intend for it be a deterrent, because it only serves to heighten your pleasure.
He slows his pace, but his hips slam into yours harder, filling the air with the sound of skin slapping against skin in a steady rhythm.
“Whose pussy is this?”
You can’t breathe when the weight of his cock knocks the wind out of you, so he stops, allowing you to answer.
“Yours, daddy!”
His lips on yours are your cue to cum – or so you hope because it happens regardless of your will.
He has the sense to pull out and let his release spill onto your stomach.
You sigh, relaxing into the couch. “I need a cigarette,” you say.
“Did you not learn anything from today?”
“Mm-mm,” you say grinning dumbly.
Caught up in a daze – absolutely enraptured by his need to have you – he made the mistake of fucking you stupid.
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