#tell me that in the form!! i didnt want to list EVERYTHING but if you do have something in mind not in the form

[purple-ravaged]

hello! here is my finalized commission info!! i've been tweaking this for awhile, and i'm happy with where i've landed. below is a link to a google form where you can commission me if you're interested :DD

Purple Ravage's Commission Form

[veryberryjelly]

If it’s still open, “feeling so lonely that they have to call their lover/friend, just to get a sense and reminder that they're still there ^ trying and failing to hold back their tears as they do so” with Luke castellan? I think it was form the bedtime prompt list

luke castellan x fem!reader

prompts : feeling so lonely that they have to call their lover/friend, just to get a sense and reminder that they're still there. trying and failing to hold back their tears as they do so.

im not sure if there are phones in camp but there is for this

𝐉𝐎𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝟏𝐊 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑

this feeling wasnt new, but it was rare and unwelcome.

living at camp half blood meant you were surrounded by people all day every day, from other counsellors to the people in your cabin.

but even surrounded by other people, you could feel like the only person left on the planet.

it was awful. in a room surrounded by people you would call your friends, you felt more lonely than you could ever recall feeling when you were on your own.

you couldnt stop yourself from reaching for your phone and dialling luke's number.

you hoped he had his phone on silent so you wouldn't wake the entire cabin.

every ring on your end felt like someone yelling at you that there was no one there.

until you heard luke's voice on the other end of the line.

" hello ?" his voice was groggy and tired. suddenly you felt a lot worse and a lot better all at once.

the overall confusion going on in your head sent a wave of tears down your face.

you held your phone to your chest for a moment, trying to collect yourself before you spoke. before you had the chance to, you heard lukes voice again, this time a bit clearer.

" hey, baby, is everything okay ?"

" no, not really..." you replied, keeping your voice low, albeit wobbly.

" okay, grab a sweater, i'm coming to get you and we'll go for a walk " you could hear him rustling around in his own cabin over the phone followed by the noise of him opening his cabin door.

it caused a soft smile to twitch momentarily at your lips followed by another stream of tears.

you weren't going to deny him so you muttered a soft ' okay ' and hung up, reaching under your bed to grab a sweater and slide on a pair of shoes.

by the time you had done that you heard a shuffling outside the cabin door and you knew it was luke.

you were quiet as you walked through the cabin, carefully opening the door to one of your favourite sights.

he was simply standing against the pillar attached to your cabin dressed in his pyjama pants and a soft pullover sweater that you wanted to drown in.

you took less than two seconds to close the gap between the two of you and wrap your arms around his torso, burying your head in his chest as his arms encircled you.

the comfort of that simple action had your shoulders shaking with sobs.

" oh, baby. " he said quietly against your head as he pressed kisses to the top of your head.

he didnt move, didnt push you to stop crying, just stood there and held you until the tears slowed and you pulled back to get some air.

you pulled your arms back to wipe at your soaked cheeks and take a couple of deep breaths.

his hands lifted to smooth your hair down and brush it from your face.

" you want to tell me what's going on ?" he questioned, his hands cupping your cheeks.

" just felt really lonely, needed to know you were still here " you replied, lifting your hands to grasp at his wrists, his pulse pumping softly against your fingertips.

" i'm still here, baby...i'm always gonna be here for you " he spoke quietly, pressing a kiss onto your forehead .

[wonder2realities]

having trouble with manifesting physical results?

when it comes to manifestation, i feel like everyone acts like theres a limit and usually that limit revolves around physical changes. "you cant lose weight unless you work out AND listen to subliminals, you have to put in the work!!!" — what if i were to tell you that you can manifest literally any physical change without even moving? you probably wouldnt believe me because of the idea that you need to "work" to earn something...and yet with all of the physical changes i've manifested, i havent "worked" for anything. how? here's a little list of the rules i stick by !

1. SHAMELESSNESS IS KEY!

i'm someone who gets embarrassed very easily, over the smallest things but when it comes to manifesting anything...you gotta be shameless. yes i am waking up with a BBL and a 2-inch waist, what about it. you can pull up to my house, with scientific evidence of how thats not possible but idc cuz its happening. infact, it ALREADY happened "but you look the same" idc it still happened. like literally, no matter what its happening and its happened and it will happen ; whether it be past future or present point is ITS THERE.

2. YOU ARE ENERGY, NOT YOUR BODY

this ones a bit hard to word out but essentially, your physical body doesnt make up what you are. meaning, you can view yourself as this ball of energy that can be stretched and pulled out and morphed into everything and anything.

so lets say you want a symmetrical face :

1. dont go overanalysing your face, just sit down & take it easy

2. think of how your symmetrical face that youve always had. i mean you could honestly be a model, your facial structure is amazing. and just allow yourself to sink into those thoughts, whether its through you repeating affirmations or through subliminals — let it all sink in that your face is symmetrical. having doubtful thoughts? let them fly past, dont cling onto them. just allow yourself to sink deeper into the fact that your face is perfectly symmetrical.

3. acknowledge it and live with it. dont go eyeing your mirror and reflection every 2 seconds, dont go panicking and repeating affirmations nonstop and stressing...just acknowledge it and go on with your day.

^ its that easy. you dont need to even see your physical body morphing into it, the point is that you are able to morph and change into whatever you wish because you are not limited to your physical body.

3. NO OVERCOMPLICATIONS

you dont need to do a 40 minute workout to make sure you get results, you dont need to drink 3L of water, you dont need to write down 500 affirmations, you dont need to do a 20step skincare routine if you want to make sure you get clear skin...if you want to do these things, do them as much as you wish to. do you have to? no.

when i was younger, i got a bad injury and because of that one of my cheekbones were larger than the other — through manifestation they look identical now. like as in, if i were to tell you the injury i got into and said "my cheekbone was larger and there was a huge line under it" youd think i was making it up (sidenote : i had to show someone my passport photo from when i was like 8 to prove that i had that injury 😭 CUZ THEY DIDNT BELIEVE ME.) and mind you, i didnt even have a routine - my routine was literally just playing cute subliminals , vibing to the music and then going to sleep. i promise you, you dont need to do any form of "work" to get what you desire.

4. GO WITH YOUR GUT

probably the most important thing i stick by, i always go with my gut. meaning, if i feel like i can listen to a 5 second subliminal and i got it - i leave it there. i dont force anything, i dont push myself into anything and i dont do anything that someone else does if it doesnt vibe well with me. (this also means if youre reading this and going "this doesnt really work with me" - thatll be better than you forcing yourself to follow these rules just because these have worked for me). you need to always remember that when it comes to manifesting things, your preference comes first. so, if you wanna run 5 miles and that helps you believe that you have gotten your desires - do it.

5. DONT LET OTHERS GET TO YOU

if youre minding your business and youre talking abt your desires and someone goes "erm...🤓👆🏽 thats...not possible" - instead of secondguessing yourself literally ignore them. the concept of whats possible and whats real all boils down to what you BELIEVE is possible/real. the only reason something could not be possible or not be real is you believe it isnt, or you letting someone else who doesnt believe in it take over your beliefs (obviously this specifically applies to manifestation and not things that are tied to disorders or any form of unhealthy thinking. dont take my words out of this context.)

and thats all ! obviously i have other parts of my mindset that arent mentioned here that help me manifest faster and easier but it would take too long for me to get into everything </3 but consider these my 5 golden rules that will hopefully help anyone whos struggling with physical results.

rmbr that you are forever limitless & changing ★

[sheyfu]

sun and moon ☽｡⋆

𝗜𝗡 𝗪𝗛𝗜𝗖𝗛 a waltz takes place beneath the sun and moon.

feat. kamisato ayato (f!reader)

cw. none :)) js enjoy some tooth-rotting fluff (HELP I HOPE I DIDNT FLOP ERMMMM IM SO BAD AT WRITING ITS NOT EVFEN FUNNY ANYMORE 😓😓) (omg does 'kinda proofread' count as a cw ERMMM HASUDHUSADHA)

note. GRAHHHHHH MS SAIGON RELAPSE (i wasnt able to watch it live when they did the ph leg D: but my cousin sent the clips he took and now i cant stop watching them (especially sun and moon and the last night of the world [and the finale 😈😈😈] so you can expect [kinda] ms saigon related works HUAHDUASHDUH (gang im still tryna expand my vocab when it comes to very flowery words so HAUDHAUDH my works will [probably] get better from here trust) + this was written with miss saigon's sun and moon (specifically lea salonga and simon bowman's version) playing in the bg on repeat so yeah HWHAHAHA wc. 504

“may i have this dance with you?”

the moon casts its gentle gaze upon the beings of chinju forest — a symphony of frogs sing with the breeze as a troupe of bake-danuki accompany the piece with their dance.

in the midst of all these, a hand is offered.

"quite the romantic you are, mr. commissioner,” you show him a grin as you take his hand, slotting your bodies to form a cocoon of melody and warmth.

“only for you, milady,” the commissioner, kamisato ayato, returns your grin — his warmth radiating off your body as you fall into a steady waltz under the bed of stars.

the pair dance under the moon’s watchful gaze; the string of harmony and rhythm from the beings reduce to a gentle diminuendo as the pair lock eyes with each other.

“careful now, ayato. wouldn’t want the shuumatsuban catching their lord tripping and stepping on his lady’s feet now, do we?” a chuckle escapes from your lips as you sway to the tempo of your hearts. 

ayato brings his forehead to yours as he pulls you closer, “hm? is that so? well, lucky for me”, he abruptly turns you to face the scenery of chinju forest — his hands lay on your hips as the ghost of his breath cascades down the shell of your ear, sending chills upon its caress — your gentle waltz coming to a momentary halt. “i have a great dance teacher who coincidentally has the same name of my lady. and for all i care, those ninjas shouldn’t be intruding on their masters’ alone time. hmph.” 

laughter bubbles up in your throat as you hear the rustles of nearby bushes around you. “oh? is that right? well, care to tell me about the oh so wonderful dance teacher you have?” turning to your lover once more, you catch him in an embrace as you resume the gentle sway of your bodies. 

“we’ll be here until dawn then, my dear.” ayato sends you a gentle smile; his hand leads your head to his beating heart, gentle pats landing on it as he does the same to your shoulder. 

“if that’s the case, then i am most honoured to share this night with you.” you feel the rumble of his chest as he entertains your idea.

“well then. should we start with the part when said teacher confessed her undying love for me, her student?” a playful lilt touches upon his words as he spins you around.

"hey now. that sounds like i did something... nefarious." a small pout forms on your lips as your husband chortles at you.

as the night joins with day, their waltz continued without a misstep — the string of harmony and rhythm continue to accompany the lovers as they get lost in their own world of tell and tale.

and with the gazes of both sun and moon, they continue to sway to their own beat — holding each other tight as if it was the last night of the world.

tagging: @ayrastv

🐈‍⬛️: genshin has been added to the list of options for my taglist! please access the gform below if you'd like to be added to my taglist <3

© sheyfu on tumblr

[keisgirl]

hii! can I please request a fic? before that are you okay writing a poly one I'm supposed to request a ot7 enha in a angsty soulmate au where y/n and enha are childhood friends back then they didn't know they were soulmates but one day a girl befriend them and they start to get really close to her eventually making them distance with y/n that's when she know her soulmate are her friends, prompt #21 . but if your not comfortable writing them then maybe heeseung instead in prompt #12 thank you very much in advance ❤

OML HELLO ANON! im of course comfortable with writing a poly angst soulmate fic ft. enha but its going to take me some time sorry... i can tag you on the fic when its out! heres the heeseung angst you requested~ hope you liked it!

halfway heart; enhypen heeseung

prompt; #12 "you didnt sound this distant when you promised i was the only one you needed."

pairing; idol!heeseung x reader

wc; 0.8k

pls reblog and like if you liked the drabble!

looking for moots <3

cheers,, hannah

kpop drabble masterlist | prompt list #1

it starts with the silences.

those quiet spaces between texts that grow longer. where you used to get a reply within minutes, now it’s hours. sometimes, it’s a day. your phone screen stays cold in your hand, and you can’t help but wonder if he’s even seen your message at all, or if he’s too busy—too distracted—to care.

you tell yourself he’s working, that things must be hectic. you know his schedule is packed, filled with rehearsals, meetings, performances. but that excuse starts to wear thin when you see the updates, the new posts, the smiles that don’t quite reach his eyes.

you keep scrolling past the photos, forcing yourself not to overthink the likes, the comments from strangers calling him theirs. you know better than to assume. you know he chose you. but that doesn’t stop the bubbling ache in your chest from growing every time you see a post from him with someone else, laughing, looking effortlessly close.

the next time you finally talk, it’s over the phone. it’s been weeks since you’ve seen him, and the distance is something you can no longer ignore.

“hee..i miss you,” you say quietly, the words hanging in the air.

there’s a pause. too long. too much space between what you say and what you need to hear.

“i miss you too,” he replies, but the words are hollow, like he’s saying them because he has to, not because he feels them.

and that’s what breaks you.

“you didn’t sound this distant when you promised i was the only one you needed,” you murmur, the frustration and sadness bubbling to the surface, breaking through the cracks that have been forming for too long.

there’s another pause, and you know he’s searching for the right words. something to reassure you. but this time, you’re not sure if he can fix it.

“i’m still here,” he says, but even as he speaks, you can feel him slipping away. “it’s just… it’s hard right now. there’s so much going on, and i don’t know how to balance everything.”

“so where does that leave me?” you ask, voice trembling.

he doesn’t answer right away. the silence that follows is heavy, suffocating. the kind that leaves no room for hope, only a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“i’m trying,” he says eventually. “but maybe… maybe that’s not enough.”

those words sting more than anything else he’s said.

you don’t respond right away. the weight of everything you’ve been holding in presses down, making it hard to breathe. you thought love would be enough. that no matter what obstacles came your way, you’d face them together. but now, standing on opposite sides of this growing distance, you’re not sure if you can hold on any longer.

“do you still want this?” you ask, voice barely above a whisper. “do you still want us?”

he hesitates, and that hesitation says more than any answer he could’ve given.

your heart sinks, a painful realization settling in. it’s not that he doesn’t love you—it’s that he’s choosing other things over you. his dreams, his career, the expectations placed on his shoulders. maybe he didn’t mean to hurt you, but in the end, his choices speak louder than his words.

“i don’t know,” he finally admits, and it’s like the ground falls out from under you.

“i see,” you say, voice shaky, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill. you don’t want him to hear how broken you feel, how much this is tearing you apart.

“i never wanted to hurt you,” he says, voice softer now, filled with guilt. “i just—i didn’t know it would be this hard.”

you swallow the lump in your throat. “i know,” you reply, and it’s the truth. you knew this wouldn’t be easy. you knew the risks, the challenges of being with someone whose life was constantly in the spotlight, who had to balance so much more than just you.

but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

“i think…” you start, taking a shaky breath. “i think maybe we need some space.”

the words taste bitter on your tongue, but you know it’s the only way to protect yourself. if you keep holding on, if you keep waiting for him to come back, you’ll only end up hurting more.

there’s a long silence on the other end of the line.

“yeah,” he finally says, voice barely audible. “maybe we do.”

you bite your lip, trying to keep it together. “take care of yourself, okay?”

“you too.”

and with that, the call ends. you stare at your phone for a long moment, the weight of everything crashing down on you all at once.

it’s over, you realize. not in an explosive, dramatic way. but in the quiet fading of what once was, leaving behind nothing but the ache of what could have been.

just message me if you want to be on the taglist for the enha fic!

[rqbossman]

Hello Mr Bossman! (and possibly anyone else who reads this)

Its an honour to be here, I have a few questions. First i appologise for the long paragraph, you may dismiss it for the questions at the bottom. For context, i am here after finishing TMA and being up to date with TMAP, i then went over and listened to RQG, and have just finished listening to Epilogue 3 and might i just say, good sir I am grateful for your podcasts. I am currently just a few months away from my final exams of High School, and as someone who even just 1 year ago was very lost, struggling with school and being just overwhelmed. TMA isnt exactly comforting, but the characters and plot managed to serve as a good form of escapism while sorting myself out. I found my self engaging more in creative things that i had originally put aside in favour of maths and science (which i hated but thought i needed to do). I started drawing again, even if just fanart. and i found things going well. By finding podcasts, story telling and these communities have helped me in my own understanding of what i want in life. I got an ADHD diagnosis earlier this year, and almost directly after started RQG and as my first hyperfixation (that i was aware of as an hyperfixation) gosh dang it hit hard. (in a good way). Ive been able to do so much more creative writing and drawings, and got re-involved with a small dnd group with some friends who i played one game with almost 4 years ago now. So overall, inspirational sounds cringe, but it was. Im doing my best with the upcoming exams, but trying to get in to Medicine is not my only prority, and the fact ive been re-introduced to my first love (Literature and story telling), im planning to go do an Arts degree and i know i wouldnt have been able to confidently make this decision, or even have survived this long in the school system without the work you and your coworkers do. Now the sap is out of the way, Question time! (if you could answer even just one of these questions it would be so cool)(they go in order of RQ relevant to random stuff)(dont feel pressured to answer all/any. i know i wrote alot): 1. what would you say is the best way to draft out a long-form story. (with "Erasing the Line" as an example) Did you start at the end, with the links to the overarching plot.

2. When working with the players (in a form of TTRPG), what did you do to make sure you didnt miss relevant timing of plot points/ avoid creating spoilers while still giving enough detail?

3. What are good places to start with making a job out of storytelling/voice acting/audio etc. In the case of RQ, how is this a job and where do i sign up please! /j (what i mean is, how is best way/how did you find all the people involved and was there a common path that you were all on before getting to where you are now?) 4. Do you have recommendations for Terry Pratchett Books, i may be an literary-leaning student, but it seems i have never actually properly read any of his books. so where is best place to start?/What did you read first?

5. Similar authors or similar inspirations? Did you have a favourite podcast you listen to in your free time that you havnt had a hand in producing/directing/working on. 6. Favourite song/album/artist. And more specifically, what you like listening to in background when doing either writing or (for ttrpg) character research/game planing. 7. Since the olympics are on at the moment, what has been your favourite sport to watch, if you have been watching at all. Thank you for your time :)

Thankyou for all the kind words. Knowing our work is helping people really keeps our engines fired up. Let's see if I can't answer your questions: 1. I "sandbox" which is where I just shove everything I can think of into an unorganised bullet point list. Characters, setting, plot, all of it in one big mess. Then I decide what type of story you want to tell, copy and paste to a new document and then start to organise the thoughts (with the sandbox on standby if new stuff comes in I don't know what to do with). I think of it like scultping, you cut away bits and reshape until something comes out the other end that is story shaped. Only then do I attempt to build the sandcastle and put something coherant together like a synopsis or scratch draft etc.

2. Very tricky. I did a complete review and update of all notes after each recording session and don't forget the audio eas edited. I made lots of gaffs that you never heard as audience.

3. I contacted anyone I could convince to take part and just proved I was serious by overworking. I don't reccomend that route. Unfortunately it really is "who" you know. That doesn't mean chase established professionals as much as it means you need to get out there and associate with other up-and-comers who match your vibe. For me the route was long and windy and not a particularly good example. 4. I normally recommend people do not read his books in publication order. Don't get me wrong, its wonderful watching his craft grow from one title to the next but I would recommend new readers tip their toe into his later works to see if they like where he ended up before committing the time. I often recommend 'Monstrous Regiment' as people's first one. My favourite though is 'Thief of Time.'

5. I don't get much time to listen to podcasts in the last couple of years. I used to listen to a lot of non fiction. 'Stuff you Should Know' and that ilk. I also read a fair amount of classic YA fiction to unwind (Windinsger trilogy, Bartimeous, stuff like that.) 6. Paul Simon's Graceland but when working I assemble a playlist for each seperate project that is tonally appropriate. If I really need to focus I listen to Classical Minimalism. Or the Old School Runescape soundtrack. I'm allowed to be ecclectic. 7. I am actually in an incredibly busy work crunch at the moment so haven't seen any of it!

[chiiyuuvv]

[DAY 12] masterlist ᡣ𐭩 !

— will you be my girlfriend , M.O.N.T 💿 ; forced proximity

♡list : @yzerpoz , @imthisclosetokms , @rizzkisworld , @hyvelxve , @dogyunslover , @starryriize

Sometimes yujun wished he was just like his friend junghoon, able to have such a strong poker face, others wondering hard at how he truly felt. Yujun wished junghoon gave him a quick lesson on his personality, cringing at how much he laughed and got pink during your first date.    

Yujun remembers spending his time searching for restaurants that seemed to please both of your interests and second guessing himself, almost getting slapped by his friends that were tired of him drooling over you the first semester of the school year. "She wouldn't want to date me." Yujun would constantly say to his friends and himself, all sorts of doubts polluting his brain. It was until you sat in front of him at the cute cafe, a wide smile presented proudly on your face made him sure that you liked him just as much as he liked you, and it made his heart skipped a beat.

Although it was your first actual talk with one another, you spend your whole time giggling, completely unaware that how time flew when you were together. Yujun didnt want to leave, especially since he had so much fun spending time with you, his cute giggles and pink cheeks forever glued to your brain.

He remembered walking you home with his heart melted, unable to control his facial expressions when you hugged him at your doorstep, breathing in your sweet scent. And the little grin you gave him before waving goodbye, he just wanted to kick his feet and scream into his pillow.

Like hes doing right now.

He lays on his back with the widest smile on his face, so wide that it reaches to his eyes that form into small crescents as he rethinks the night again. He thinks his cheeks were going to start hurting at how much he was smiling. Your first date and yujun wanted to do everything with you: taking you on more dates, holding your hands, kissing you. He just wanted to spend more time with you.

So without a second thought, he whips out his phone that was located in his pocket, opening your contact in his messaging app.

Call me whenever you get the chance

Im looking forward to you and me

I can't control my heart beat

Do you feel the same?

Please tell me you do

[darethshirl]

Writing Pattern Tag Game

super late with this but better late than never! thank you for the tags @fadedsweater, @anneapocalypse, and @dragon--sage 🥰🥰 tagging back @roguelioness, @sarsaparillia, @korcariiwitch, @queenaeducan, @rosella-writes, @dreadfutures, @melisusthewee, @mel-0n-earth and anyone who sees this and wants to do it tbh!

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 fics and see if there's a pattern!

Goblins were disgusting, wretched little creatures, but even Astarion had to admit they knew how to throw a party.

from i'm not beaten by this yet (you can't tell me to regret) (bloodweave, explicit, 3k words)

It was only after Astarion had finished the kill—after the gut-deep slash, the satisfying spurt of blood—that he realized he was being watched.

from tear it through my heart (again, again, again) (tavstarion, mature, 4k words)

The cemetery was a quiet, unassuming little place, hidden between a shabby building and a formerly-tall church wall that was swiftly falling into ruin.

from cradle me with grace (tavstarion, explicit, 3k words)

Baldur’s Gate buzzed with all the activity of a healthy city, lively and unchanging throughout the ages.

from so long to this wretched form (tavstarion, teen, 4k words)

The tower at Moonrise was both more imposing and more cramped than Astarion had imagined.

from take me under, take me home (tavstarion, teen, 6k words)

The moon shone high overhead, and Ketheric Thorm’s world was crumbling all around him.

from deus proditus (Ketheric study, general, 1k words)

The thing was, Astarion really had wanted her from the moment he’d first laid eyes on her.

from let me wrap my teeth around the world (tavstarion, explicit, 5k words)

In retrospect, John should have waited before bringing his friends back to life.

from like prometheus we are bound, our godforsaken lot (John/Mercy/Augustine, The Locked Tomb, general, 2k words)

It starts so abruptly that Cliff doesn’t even realize what’s happening.

from you know how to make me crawl (Cliff/David, Black Mirror, explicit, 1k words)

Despite everything, and despite what her future memories will tell her, Erica grew up relatively happy in the House of Slaughter.

from ain’t it a gentle sound, the rolling in the graves (Erica study, Something Is Killing The Children, teen, 2k words)

so!! first of all I'm surprised I had to go deep enough that I ran out of bg3 fics lmao. I'd almost forgotten I'd written that black mirror fic!! and yet I didnt go far enough to reach a dragon age one 🥲 I really have left this fandom huh (for now! 😤🐺)

second of all, I'm surprised by how short some of these are! I definitely think of myself as more wordy, and I prefer my longer sentences when I look at this. I think the weakest are the bg3 ones in the middle where I have to establish which act we're in (and let me tell you I STRUGGLED with that Baldur's Gate city description, it was literally the last part I wrote in the fic and you can kinda tell i wanted to get things over with aksdh)

I do prefer the ones that are more character-centric (poor Ketheric, so dramatic lmao). I think if you're going in fandom-blind John's line is the most striking (he can bring people back from the dead???) even tho if you have the context it's not that impressive an opening 😂 And I super enjoyed writing astarion being a dick about goblins!

but I gotta say my favourite line is the "it was only after Astarion had finished the kill" etc etc from tear it through my heart 🥰🥰 in fact I liked that line so much I made it the summary! these are the kind of vibes I want to always achieve 👀 also, honestly, I should start in action/medias res more often! it seems like a fun style I've tragically underused so far

[pineappleciders]

I had hope for you until now. I unblocked you, and I shouldn't have. all I have to say is to please seek help. Theres evidence to the max about zeteroxx being harassed, domar's account has been deactivated due to reports showing that yes, zeteroxx is innocent. We were singing praises until you took the side of someone who is a literal proshipper. Someone who has drawn cp and everything to boot. I feel sorry for you, and I'm disappointed. This is the last time Im going to interact with you in the hopes you change for the better.

HUH???? I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE??? I LJTERALLY DIDNT DEFEND ANYONE??? WHO HAS DRAWN CP???

literally all that happened was i interacted with someone on zeteroxx's "bad person" list and they dmed me literally just saying that they were harassers and defended this other guy. i was not shown ANY evidence or any form of proof about this but i started blocking them because i wanted to believe them

then i saw a few posts from these people saying zeteroxx keeps posting about these people even after they've asked rhem to leave them alone??? and said that zeteroxx continuously broke rules in servers and misgendered people after continuous reminders. obviously i had no proof of that but i decided that going into people's DMs and telling them to block someone they don't know simply because they make them uncomfortable is extremely childish.

zeteroxx also told people who don't support endogenic systems to kill themselves and then said "don't tell people to kts" the next sentence. i don't know much about systems and DID but i know that you can't develop a disorder like that without some form of trauma.

i never defended anyone on their block list i have no fucking clue why you think i did or what zeteroxx told you. i genuinely do not care if you block me, or if they put me on their block list, go ahead. zeteroxx IS a harasser for continuing to talk about people they had past drama with and forcing others to block them

i have no clue what your drama is with dommar i promise. i literlaly had no idea about anything until zeteroxx told me to block this random person. never once did i take anyones side, i just thought it was creepy that zeteroxx continued to talk about people they have beef with and force others to feel the same way about these people. i have no idea who is a proshipper or draws CP, and i was never given any sort of evidence on anything.

also, i literally do not know who you are. never heard of any of this drama you guys have. i got an ask from ONE person on zeteroxxs list and responded to it and now you guys are telling me to get help😭😭i dont want to get involved in your one sided drama leave me alone

[babymorte]

Hi Kiki! ✌🏼 7, 10 and 26 😌😌😌

oh hai~!!

7. a horror movie you want to recommend to people?

reincarnation!!! its done by takashi shimizu (ju-on: the grudge) and without giving too much away its about a film being made about murders that happened at a haunted hotel but its actually being filmed at the haunted hotel and the main character starts to see visions of the murders happening. dont look up any trailers because they all spoil it but its such a great movie. also two south korean films that everyone needs to watch and both star park shin-hye (i adore her honestly) are #alive which is about this guy that's stuck in his apartment alone trying to survive a zombie apocalypse...theres an american version called alone but its more of a drama and its honestly kind of boring in comparison to #alive (if you like train to busan you'll love this movie i promise) and the other movie is simply called 'call'. its another one you cant watch the trailer because it gives away the entire plot that you're supposed to watch unfold if that makes sense....basically park shin-hye is in modern times and she finds this phone that has the ability to call a girl back in the 90s (its like a time travel thing of sorts but not really) and they form a friendship...thats basically all you're allowed to know. its one of those movies you just have to trust me and thank me later. it doesnt make sense until it starts making sense...if that makes sense? like call is SUCH a good freaking movie. park shin-hye is phenomenal in it as she is in everything and its just such a mindfuck of a movie. its more psychological thriller than straight horror but the elements are all there so im counting it. the stepmom from a tale of two sisters is also in it and holy shit that woman does not age. but yea that's on netflix and i highly HIGHLY recommend it!

oh also also i've been obsessively telling anyone who will listen to me to watch pontypool. holy shit that movie is SO good. like the ide of spreading a virus/plague through speech is absolutely horrifying and its one of those movies that once you watch it a second time and know whats going on there is SO much foreshadowing it's ridiculous. like its so clever how they do it.

10) a horror movie you wish you could watch again like it's the first time

the conjuring. that movie scared the shit out of me when i saw it in theatres but i rewatched it recently and it was just meh...like i still love it dont get me wrong it just doesnt have the same affect that it did the first time you know?

26) a horror movie you didn't expect to like but you did

does cocaine bear count?? cuz like its kind of a horror movie but its more comedy...? i dont know i cant think of any movies that i watched that i didnt think i would like because i tend to only watch movies i think i'll genuinely enjoy but for some reason cocaine bear was the first movie that popped into my head. like it was so much better than it had any right to be...i guess in the same light tucker and dale vs evil could be on that list...i thought they were both going to be ridiculously stupid...and they are...but in the absolute best way possible. like tucker and dale is one of my favourite movies of all time and im not a huge comedy person...same with cocaine bear. cocaine bear is so freaking funny like it genuinely makes me happy.

[ihhfhonao3]

Some hate I’ve gathered over the past two (2) days because I think they’d make funny copypastas. Tw for rabid ableism and transphobia because that’s just what people do on here I guess lmao

Having gender dysphoria is being delusional; you are deluded about your own body to the point where you seek to change it to conform to misogynistic stereotypes. Calling someone delusional who is, in fact, delusional, is not, in fact, ableism. Being delusional is undesirable. Being mentally ill is undesirable. Saying otherwise is ableist. Everything you listed is indicative of being delusional, besides the disabled bit. None of what you listed has anything to do with being disabled. Using the term "neurodiverse" to identify yourself is as fucking stupid as using "biodiverse" to identify a plant. The human population is neurodiverse, our planet is biodiverse. "Neurodiverse" is a term neither coined, nor used, nor sanctioned by neuroscientists. "Queer" is a slur against LGB (HOMOSEXUAL) people. It is not an identity. Being a delusional misogynistic, science-denier like all trans and "non-binary" people are, has nothing to do with being LGB. Additionally, there is no oppression that trans people face for being trans. Being a furry is disgusting, as well as delusional, and, again, has nothing to do with being LGB. No furry is oppressed; people find them disgusting bc they simply, by definition, are. I don't even really know what the fuck "otherkin" means and I don't want to. No one cares about this niche bullshit, and no one is oppressed due to their attempt to be it. Other people thinking you're stupid, misogynistic, homophobic, insane, obnoxious, and revolting isn't, in and of itself, a form of oppression. Sometimes, others think you're stupid, misogynistic, homophobic, insane, obnoxious, and revolting bc that's precisely what you are. I'm here to tell you that anyone who uses the "identities" you listed (besides being disabled), and/or believes in the ideologies connected to them; that person is stupid, misogynistic, homophobic, insane, obnoxious, and revolting. Grow the fuck up. Stop talking about LGB people, and stop including us in your larping puppyplay creepy bs. Your ahistoric delusional porn-sick behavior has nothing to do with us, and it never has.

@ihhfhonao3 tried to "call me out" by reposting my page to their blog, calling me a bigot etc. yet when I responded to their post with logic and explained that as a gay man I do not accept an ideology created by pe do John Money, they deleted my comments and responded with infantile and massochistic messages. This is so typical of the left, their hypocrisy, and their love of censorship.

I do not intend to harm any individual, however I will not hesitate to call bullshit on an ideology that is absolutely harming people. Its harming children and young people, its harming women, its harming LGB people. I have been "radicalized" by my first hand experience of narcissistic trans individuals, and my observation of the interesting correlation between governments, and corporations promotion of the "progressive" pride flag and all things trans. I absolutely believe there is a nefarious agenda.

Have there been "gender non confirming" people forever!? Absolutely. But they havent used drugs and surgery to ruin their bodies. It was only ever a very small number of people that were so non conforming as to be "cross dressing." Someone told me the other day in all seriousness that they didnt think men should wear shorts. Peoples ideas about conformity and gender are all over the map. You can wear whatever the f you want to now... just dont tell children that they need to become sterile to "be their true selves."

Yes gender separate from sex is a construct. Its a normative set of traits. However these things are not at all concrete. To conflate ones biology with the clothes one likes to wear is NORMATIVE CAPITULATION! So why are the supposed rebels perpetuating NORMATIVE STEREOTYPES!?

Its ludicrous and is evidence that these people are actually weak minded victims of a massive psychological operation fomented many decades ago. These same people will say thats just a "conspiracy theory" and yet believe that "THE PATRIARCHY MUST BE SMASHED," yet want to give children's bodies and minds over to Pharma Corp and Rockefeller medicine!?

It is a psy op.

There are autogynaphilics, and there are gay men with internalized homophobia. These are mental states of confusion. They are not lifestyles to be celebrated or something to take pride in.

These people are not part of the LGB. They are hostile to everything that LGB is. Drag queens and transvestites are not transexual. You are not born in the wrong body. You are not too "butch" to be a woman, or to "femme" to be a man. Gender separate from sex is just a concept, a lens, a made up thing like unicorns. We can talk about them, but it doesnt make them real.

This is a nuanced conversation that must occur before its all out war and were literally murdering each other in the street. Thats what the puppet masters want. They want chaos. They want us hating each other. I dont hate people, but I do hate lies. And I will stand up to lies and liars till my very last breath.

Not all people who identify as “queer” are mentally ill, but you definitely are, OP. Seek help, please, as wanting to be dehumanized and suffering from violent mood swings are very serious signs of deep disturbance. Also I don’t believe you have the “spoons” to make a phone call, let alone rip out someone’s entrails.

[snaileo]

Top 5 batshit characters you’ve encountered

in Nooooo particular order...hmmm i really gotta think about this cuz i feel there are Easy ones i could list. but then again this isnt objective, nor do i need to dig deep for this to be a nice list. 1. Umataro Tenma

Of course I feel the first i should mention is Umataro Tenma. like I can't start this list off any other way, this man recreated his own son in the form of a robot and then abandoned him when his senses came to him ( but they left as soon as they showed bc man was back on his bullshit next day) like truly. Batshit King. and thats only his most well know Shit. like this one time he deliberately went back in time, i dont even remember what for, i think it was steal the not Yet Awake atom, and his younger self SEES HIM and LIGHTS HIM UP. theyre BOTH batshit young and old

like. i feel like we dont talk about how tenma was strapped enough.

2. Terry Silver

The next batshit queen on my mind recently is none other than Terry Silver. It Is Very Normal And Well Adjusted Behavior to terrorize a teenager, torturing him physically and emotionally, all because your Bestie, Your Cinnamon Fucking Apple, told you to. You know. Very Normal Behavior for people in their idk. 40s. Dude is a coked up billionaire and he wanted to play the part of Humble Down to earth man so well that he bought a beat up truck, all just to fuck with daniel.

And Oh Totally normal to go through extensive therapy, turning your life around and overcoming it all, only for it all to be undone because?? Oh?? My Wrongdoings CAnnot BE UNDONE??? BY SAYING IM SORRY???" like the moment he realized daniel wasnt gonna accept his sorry ass excuse it was Over. 30 years of therapy down the toilet.

3. Diva

Here's a more tragic one. The me from 6 years ago would kill me right now for even posting her face because I use to be SUCH a stickler for spoilers regarding her but idc right now

ANYWAY shes for real batshit and shes one of those characters who you can be sympathetic towards, the tragedy of knowing how she got to be this way but god you deserve everything coming to you. There are many things she does as truly batshit but an often forgotten one is stealing the shoes of a man she just killed. And she's later shown putting them on, before continuing her killing spree and doing something that altered the trajectory of the story forever

she also has an operatic voice, which her singing alone is an omen for bad things to come

4. The Monarch

This is a more recent one as rock had showed me The Venture Brothers and i hate this man. I hate him and i love him. I don't have much to say other than i want to bully him I genuinely want to bully him

hes just so pathetic. he didnt want rusty getting therapy because he couldnt shit on his day , because well...he was in therapy and theres rules, so he killed his therapist so he'd be free. to. Shit on his day like i dont kno waht to tell you.

5.Hannibal

this one may feel cheap but understand that like. him being batshit is the greatest thing ever .and hes def one of my favs in terms of being batshit. he made the show such a wild ride and like Cookie I am Looking at you we WILL watch Hannibal (tv show) idk wanna say anything else for spoilers but yeah theres some batshit characters for u

[worldofgoo]

yayayay yippee (≧◡≦) i love how vibrant & lively your art is, i think my fav pieces are Horse Surgery & hanyuu (even tho i have no idea who that is) but that one wip with the rainbow is also v ery special 2me because it reminds me of my fav kind of weather ^_^ generic Which Program Do You Use question & also which programs have you tried so far? which one would you recommend for someone whose only experience so far wiht digital art has been scribbling in ms paint -_-? on topic, what do you draw with (mouse, phone, drawing tablet, ??) & was it easy for you to get used to digital art? i always get overwhelmed by the amound of different functions available so im not sure where to even start, any advice? which physical art forms do you like / would you like to learn (anything at all, i personally have been getting into air dry clay... well actually ive been using my sisters playdoh but maybe ill purchase smthn fancier :3) & final question how do you come up with poses to draw? your characters (+creatures) seem very animated and i really like that :)

HI okay i guess ill answer these in a list. actually will put it under the cut since i ended up saying a lot (and dw i enjoy being able to talk a lot so thank you!)

-THANK YOU im glad some of my more recent works (in my more current style) are appealing 2 people! like i wanna draw my own way even though i think it gets less notes... the higurashi fanarts (hanyuu and shion) r very memorable pieces to me because its when i started doing the loose sketches with the thin lines and block colors and thats the direction i reallyreally wanted to take my style in. also the rainbow is rian my friend rian

-i draw in paint tool sai! the only program i used before that was sketchbook pro, which i didnt like because the brushes were kind of... blurry/smudgy? sai allows you to zoom in and draw pixel by pixel which is something i like, and i like the way it does its blending. its also just easier for me to understand. i didnt pay for it i think i found some deviantart page that had the link, id have to find it again

-i draw with a wacom intuos tablet! its lasted me... almost 10 years now. ive heard newer ones are poorer quality in terms of at least the nibs needing to be replaced constantly, so idk what the most recommended tablet these days is. ive drawn with my mouse and tbh it caused awful hand pain so i would not recommend this. i draw on my phone with my finger sometimes but i find doing it on my laptop easier, however it is doable once you get used to it

-the way i got into digital art... well. i still have an archive of my earliest art if you wanna see! i was 14 n just drew random shit, often lining over doodles i did on paper and coloring them in. i think esp if youre overwhelmed start with making like throwaway experimental pieces, scribble around, doodle stupid things and color them in with different brushes and see what you enjoy. and then you can just keep the files to yourself if they dont look too good or maybe itll look interesting, it depends i guess haha. the other thing that ive always found helped me was telling myself id draw every day even if it was a little scribble or the tiniest amount of work on a wip bc getting a habit going helped my art a Lot beause it helped me spend more time thinking n focusing on it

more specific advice for sai that i found useful- using clipping groups & the preserve opacity functions are both lifesavers in terms of not spending so much time trying to color in the lines. if you color in a base layer you can just put everything above it as a clipping group and just not worry about it anymore. i also really like using the filters (like multiply) to mess around with the colors a drawing has, though sometimes its more effective to just select a layer/individual color and fuck with the hue/saturation/etc until it looks good. when i color, esp when its not turning out how i wanted to, i rely on shifting colors A LOT. n also mixing colors together using a blending brush and then colorpicking the intermediate color. very useful

-for the most part i stick to uncolored pencil doodles on like, notebook paper (even though i have some fancy supplies X[ one day) but i LOVE making things with clay, wish it was more accessible to do at home. i have a handful of clay animal statues and stuff that i made in my ceramics class in high school. would looove to do more

-because my poses tend to be very pushed/cartoony using references of real people isnt always useful (though obv knowing the basics of anatomy always helps) so in those cases ill use other cartoony art i like as inspiration, i try to see what i like about their poses nd emulate that with my own. sometimes when im struggling ill just do a bunch of studies where i copy art i like to try to get a feel for what im missing. mostly ive realized i like when the pose conveys some level of like, volume and taking up a 3D space (which im still definitely not a master of but bullshitting it can be fun). and i also like to have a balance of curved and angular shapes. sometimes i try to just do a pose that conveys a specific emotion or i just make shit up lol

alsooooo i cant reccomend aimless doodling enough! just random shapes, turning the random shapes into creatures, trying and trying and trying different ways to draw something until you like it, i feel like the things my hand makes when i shut my brain off and just scribble can inspire me as well, and i try to emulate whatever i made by chance while doodling. and if your doodles turn out better in traditional i tend to consider using a photo of a drawing as a way to skip the "preliminary sketch" phase nd drawing a rough sketch over that which i then use for my drawing (or just directly color since i draw very fast/lazy...)

[theratinthehat-yyssgb]

TWITCHCON EU SHOW-and-TELL !!

Long post, many pictures, artist socals!!!

So, i attended my first twitchcon! Yayyy! There was so much to do and see, i cant even get into all of it or this post would be a hundred times longer.

Long story short, i spent most of my free time in the artist ally. Too intimidated to engage with other activities, i made rounds between the booths. Since i like taking my time to decide, it was a good way to familiarize myself with items on offer. And I'm glad I did since i walked out with a big bag of goodies :]

So that's what I'm here to show you. Everything i bought from each artist and to show them all some love <3

small disclamer! For better reading!

i refer to everyone in this post as "they". pls do not take that as actual pronouns and look up yourself.

commisions are often on twitter / a fill out form. should be easy to find with the links provided

if an artist name is linked, it leads to their twitter. "and more" lead to to the artist linktre, carrd, etc. (pls do tell, if its better to put twitter as its own separate social media)

First up is Amigosh! They were the first to catch my eye. I got a big bag with my purchase, it was supper helpful! Sadly i couldn't find any phots of their booth, but it had this cute cut-out on the table!

the whole stand was so so cute o(≧∀≦) i stood there for a hot minute deciding, so hard! Anyways here are their socials and what i bought!

Amigosh streams on twitch, has an ETSY, do commissions, and more!

↑ i mean, look at how cute even the back of the postcard is!! with a cute little stamp and holographic sticker!! there was so much cute i wanted, the booth definitely made my crow eyes sparkle ✨

Now, i belive Grrnele to be next. it was a very cozy stand with all the art put up and from what it seemed, there had been an option to ask for small commissions? i couldn't be sure since they were all sold out.

there were pins and pictures and mystery bags and.. ahhh!! It was all so COLOURFUL!! 💙💚💛 even a book to sign for passers by! (i didnt have any words of wisdom, so please tell me what to say next time an opportunity like this arises)

GRRNELE has a homepage from where you can find commissions, ko-fi, MERCH, and more!

now, some of you might have noticed a little puncture on the cat illustration... that is because those pickles are badass 😎 and while it doesn't bother me, it is also a reminder for me to pack sharp object facing away from delicate things. (literally no shade to the artist, it was a very busy day and how could they have known)

next i wanna show you Gleamyguts! You just saw their amazing art on the last picture in the form of an adorable keychain! (i think) i love love love their style! You have to check them out!

GleamyGuts does commissions (check status), runs an ETSY shop and more!

I honesty would have bought the whole booth if i had the money >.< i love monster high, love y2k and early internet vibe, this is an absolute win in my book!

PS! The one next to the stickers is a business card, and the one holding a notepad was a A5 thank you card with socials!

Only problem i had was that they roll their posters up. a little sad but understandable, since people didn't really have any way to transport them. Also, when looking up pics to show of the booth (didnt find any), I saw Guts had been at a different con and it had shirts?! I would have bought them in a heartbeat! They weren't even on etsy (┬﹏┬)

2 more artists! Next we have Church! Amazing! They had it all, a game demo, walter white stickers and keychains, pikmin, hatsune miku, and probably even more i couldn't grasp!

Look! Thats the game demo! so go and wish list it!

The game "Patient Seven" is by Church & Mark and form KumamakiStudios (twitter)! At their linktre you can wishlist the game and find other social media (linktre twitter is broken).

Church was selling the items, they do commissions on ko-fi, have shop, stream on twitch and so much more!

while I've shown the charms with the other things i bought, I didn't think the photo did them a enough service. So i HAD to show a zoomed in one where all the details were visible! so pretty!

and i also had to include their business card, it ties in so well with the videogame theme while being unique! PS! (you can see the little rgb alien test-thingy postcards in the top right corner of the booth photo)

And last and of course not not least, Mimichair!!! once again, you saw their stickers next to Churches. I mean... just look at how the colours pop on the posters! and while i have no clue who they are, i was still very exited to bring those 2 home ^^

And how could i forget, MimiChair streams over at twitch, has a Artstation, sells T-shirts, and is making a Webtoon!!! and even more!

And once again, i had to include the business card! There was actually 3 different versions available. I'm so sad i didn't take them all!! but i did find a picture of the booth, so i can point them out in that. But before i show that, i have some things to explain.

... I actually bought 2 stickers from mimichair. I'm not saying they definitely forgot, i could have just as easily lost it. In fact, i hope I lost it, since by the time i got to the booth, it was the end of the day. The sticker, out of all of them, has the best chance to be in our car or in our apartment. But I've already looked for it... I think what I truly mean to say is that I'm just sad i don't have it :(

also, a nit pick, the poster was a little big for the clear packaging they put it in (idk what to call it, it was an envelope kind of situation) But they put one over the other, to make sure the open mouth was closed, so it was all good. the envelope made the poster bend the tiniest bit but caused no damage. It was the largest poster, did not fit in the bag amigosh gave me (maybe its good that GleamyGuts rolled theirs up?)

But I will show you the artist booth that was set up. And all the cool that i would have wanted. Btw, you can go and check out art of the momo sticker i lost on their insta. As of writing it is their latest post. (i'd link, but insta hates my computer and only shows errors)

That was the last one! please don't take that i dislike mimichair, they were very talkative and lovey and made me feel very comfortable taking my time to choose! i enjoyed every minute I spent at their table!

In fact, I enjoyed every artist! I spent at least 10 min around each table i bought from. I wouldn't have stood there quietly staring, occasionally noticing something on display with a little "ooh" or "aah", if I didn't enjoy it.

And I also want to give a shout-out to all the artist i didn't mention. It was the highlight of the day seeing everyone's creations. I even got complimented at one of the stalls for my outfit! furthermore (🤓) it was so lovely to see the attendees chatting with artists, it seems i just tend to be a little more to the point kind of person.

So, to make sure everyone is seen, here is a link to the map of the twitchcon expo hall 2024, from where you can find the artist ally, and see the artist connected to each booth!

Now, im not sure if they will keep this link up forever, so i ALSO made a version of it! Since the screenshot made some of the names unreadable, i wrote them down bigger!

And that marks the amount of images tumblr allows in one go. If there ever is pt.2, about the experience as a whole, i will show the outfit that was worthy of getting 3 compliments.

but go rest your eyes, this was a long post :]

[anothersuicidesunday]

Another week, another lonely struggle.

And we know i've found the whole experience so far to be extremely depressing in the lonliness of ways.

Where to begin...?

So week 26, 14 to go. I still have alot to do alot to be scared of.

Part One - Opinions Wont Keep You Warm At Night

I obviously have some female trauma as previously mentioned. So while for years I always knew if I had a baby boy he'd be named "Oliver Jensen" now my compromise when you add a father into the scenario became "Oliver Joseph" and that was okay but girls names I only ever considered Max. It wasnt a girls name and it didnt remind me of anything bad. It's what I could live with. Now this came up for discussion and I still hated everything so Max become Maxie because I do not like Maxine as a name and again Maxie I can live with. Middle names where a struggle i was even going to leave it blank but I decided fuck public opinion my guy is Gary Payton II and she can be "Maxie Payton" so thats the name. And I'm already sick of the court of public opinions on the subject.

My aunt made a maxi pad joke immediately.

My partners grandmother turnt her nose up and asked what the other opinions are as if it was going up for vote. Didnt like being told there were no other options.

My own grandmother true to form first got upset that my mother did a gender reveal in a family group chat. Then called the baby Maxine anyway and got pissed off when my mother corrected her and went on a tangent how we all name our children names we never intend to use and then couldnt accept that "maxine" is not going to be used at all, the birth certificate will say Maxie and be her legal name. And this was just another of her arguments for arguments sake cos at Christmas when she tried to look great in front of her friends she decided to announce she'd already brought soaps. And I said "thanks but I wish you'd have asked me because we've decided we would use a certain type of soap and lotion considering the skin conditions that run in the families." Which turnt into her losing her marbles about being ridiculous to wish that on your child (i certainly dont wish for it but i'd rather spend an extra few bucks on safe options than deal with an uncomfortable baby if they do happen to have sensitive skin.) And that my generation is ungrateful. So shes not speaking to me at all.

Which brings us to Part Two - the UNgrateful dead.

I'm definately grateful that people want to buy so much stuff for us. But sometimes it feels like you dont get to pick anything your child is going to have. Like people buy so much clothes that you feel like you cant buy anything that you like cos you have so many already or someone brought a baby bouncer that you feel like you now had to use even though you'd seen one you would have preferred. Or like my grandmothers argument over soap and feeling like you cant even have an opinion on goddamn soap! Its so overwhelming. Sometimes you really just want to say no thanks and get what you actually like but social convention bullies you into taking things and smiling through it. I get it you're excited but I used to be too before you all crushed my spirit.

Part Three: Give Me Novocaine

There's no 'one size fits all option' for pregnancy. But everyone still wants to tell you to do as they did and you'll be fine. It very clearly does not work that way and quite honestly my body and pregnancy just don't seem to gel. I've been sick since week 6. Its week 26 and I sometimes am still running off to vomit. So you get all the people who tell you what you should be doing instead as if you havent googled it yourself and tried the whole damn list. Some people just have to suffer through. There's no magic trick for them to fix it. Its absolutely okay to just say sorry it sucks for you without trying to demand your trick is the greatest trick of all tricks. I get alot of pains. Leg pains, back pains, hip pains, vaginal pains, ive never carried this much weight before pains. Again, i'm trying things to feel better, i walk around, do weird stretches, compression aids but you still have people who wanna tell you you're wrong and they are right and it grinds my fucking gears. Here's reality, if I walk around too much i get exhausted and sore, if I sit too much? Exhausted and sore. If i stretch something hurts. There's no winning in this game and I cry alot when I'm alone.

So the sickness thing improved, I've still never had a craving, i still dont have a good relationship with food all I know is that this baby in fact hates things.

Bread thats not white, bread crust, salad, cheesymite scrolls, anything deep fried.

Honestly quite alot of the things i normally would eat, plus the things doctors tell you not to eat. Its hard for me to eat these days and i have no passion for it now. So to face the high possibility to have gestational diabetes was crushingly devastating. To take even more food choices away from me is fucking hard.

So i'm completely alone again to feel defeated. No one gets it again. You just quietly go through the motions and it's hard fucking work. You're not supposed to sit in your scrappy nursery crying by yourself.

[temporalbystander]

Okay... So this isn't a list of ever thought I'd make but it got into my head before I went to bed last night and I needed to post it. Please, do NOT hit read more if you are just a sweet summer child when it comes to the depths of the internet because what I'm about to say? Gets dark.

Okay. Now I mentioned in a previous post why characters like Alya or Lila get me angry. And, as I was scrolling through YouTube, I started to put a little list together of traits that normally give me such angry reactions and it occurred to me that, more often than not, these traits only really come out in anime characters.

So let's start this with the only universe where I have an OC, one of the originals, Naruto.

Now people hate on Sakura and the leaf village and I was not any different at the beginning of Naruto. Now my hatred of the leaf was for a very obvious reason, their treatment of Naruto. You see I always had two issues with this, they were so certain that Naruto was Kurama and blamed him for everything the fox did. So this means that A) they didnt trust the fourth hokage's sealing ability to keep them safe and B) should all the crap they be doing to Naruto make him snap? They expected the ninjas to take care of it.

Then there's the other option in that they knew the kyuubi couldn't hurt them and so they took their anger out on an innocent kid who has no clue why people hate him. Not really sure which paints the villagers in a worse light.

Say what you want about Hiruzen's shitty secret keeping skills, if Naruto had found out about Kurama BEFORE Iruka took a shine to him? The leaf would have been destroyed. And I would have laughed.

But anyway, let's move onto Sakura. Oh Sakura... Now I warmed up to her when Shippuden came around but before then? She was the focal point of why I disliked the other characters. It's not because she was in love with Sasuke, Ive seen plenty of stories where love interests don't make sense, and it wasn't how useless she was either. She may have been outclassed for the entirety of the pre timeskip era but the girl tried, I'll give her points for that. No I hated her for the same reason I hate the village, the other genin rookies, and everyone who called Naruto an idiot while praising Sasuke. Sasuke is one of the first to recognise that Naruto is strong. Naruto is the reason that Sasuke pushed himself as hard as he did in the wave arc and beyond. You're going to sit there and tell me that the one ninja pushing your "prodigy" to do better is a dead weight who won't ever compare to said prodigy? Yeah right. Bite me.

With that out of the way Sakura is the perfect representation of the characteristics that I just can't stand, albeit to a much more mundane nature than the next person I will rant about. She's useless, an idiot, a simp and a whiner. Now then, with that all said, can you guess which character triggered my hatred last night and made this the first thing I needed to write today?

.... No?

It's Zenitsu. As much as I like demon Slayer I could not watch passed the first season because the thought I'd have to deal with that whiny waste of space some more? Oh it turned me right off. Now sure the little trait of him having mastered a single form so well that he can do it in his sleep? Yeah it's cool. The fact that he gets so scared he faints and is then able to use that technique? Is interesting. Every other moment he is on screen? Makes me want to stop living.

Now with his first introduction it was kind of neat. A character who understands how insane their career is? Who wants absolutely nothing to do with slaying demons but is, unbeknownst to them, able to survive an encounter because he's mastered a technique to such an extent? Was not something I could remember seeing before.

Hell his willingness to die for Nezuko because Tanjiro asked him to protect the box? Despite knowing there is a demon inside? For the sole reason being that Tanjiro actually puts up with him? It was incredibly sweet. The entire scene where you find out that he knew from the beginning that there was a demon in the box, yet trusted Tanjiro enough to protect it anyway? Was incredibly touching and made me think I had underestimated him.

.... And then he saw Nezuko and all my respect for him went out the window.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't mind a simp. Sanji is one of the most well known anime simps and Brock from Pokemon is probably the earliest simp people would be exposed too. The difference is the confidence. When Sanji and Brock start simping? It's funny. When you need to drag a blubbering Zenitsu away from a girl he only met once before? That's creepy. And pathetic. And a waste of precious screen time that could be spent on badass demon slaying or cute Nezuko moments. Or badass Nezuko moments.

But that's it. Demon Slayer isn't for me and I could live with that... Until I saw what the fandom thought of them. The fact that people shipped Zenitsu and Nezuko? Sickened me. But hey, I don't have to agree with everyone's opinion. There are those that think Ron and Hermione are good together just because that's what JK Rowling said. Clearly those people are wrong but they are entitled to their opinion.

And then... I found the porn. Now let me say this. I'm a man of the internet. I've seen many a childhood character ruined by the 34th rule. I've managed to sit through all of them. But the moment the Zenitsu and Nezuko video started. I was overcome by the urge to put Zenitsu in a blender.

I don't mean a giant one and turn him into a smoothie. No I mean I wanted to hold the lightning crybaby down and shove his extremities into a regular blender and listen to him scream. If there has ever been a character in anime that has been least deserving of another? It's Zenitsu. He doesn't deserve the love of a girl. He deserves repeated kicks in the crotch until he learns to stop blubbering.