#jake angsty

[keisgirl]

hii! can I please request a fic? before that are you okay writing a poly one I'm supposed to request a ot7 enha in a angsty soulmate au where y/n and enha are childhood friends back then they didn't know they were soulmates but one day a girl befriend them and they start to get really close to her eventually making them distance with y/n that's when she know her soulmate are her friends, prompt #21 . but if your not comfortable writing them then maybe heeseung instead in prompt #12 thank you very much in advance ❤

OML HELLO ANON! im of course comfortable with writing a poly angst soulmate fic ft. enha but its going to take me some time sorry... i can tag you on the fic when its out! heres the heeseung angst you requested~ hope you liked it!

halfway heart; enhypen heeseung

prompt; #12 "you didnt sound this distant when you promised i was the only one you needed."

pairing; idol!heeseung x reader

wc; 0.8k

pls reblog and like if you liked the drabble!

looking for moots <3

cheers,, hannah

kpop drabble masterlist | prompt list #1

it starts with the silences.

those quiet spaces between texts that grow longer. where you used to get a reply within minutes, now it’s hours. sometimes, it’s a day. your phone screen stays cold in your hand, and you can’t help but wonder if he’s even seen your message at all, or if he’s too busy—too distracted—to care.

you tell yourself he’s working, that things must be hectic. you know his schedule is packed, filled with rehearsals, meetings, performances. but that excuse starts to wear thin when you see the updates, the new posts, the smiles that don’t quite reach his eyes.

you keep scrolling past the photos, forcing yourself not to overthink the likes, the comments from strangers calling him theirs. you know better than to assume. you know he chose you. but that doesn’t stop the bubbling ache in your chest from growing every time you see a post from him with someone else, laughing, looking effortlessly close.

the next time you finally talk, it’s over the phone. it’s been weeks since you’ve seen him, and the distance is something you can no longer ignore.

“hee..i miss you,” you say quietly, the words hanging in the air.

there’s a pause. too long. too much space between what you say and what you need to hear.

“i miss you too,” he replies, but the words are hollow, like he’s saying them because he has to, not because he feels them.

and that’s what breaks you.

“you didn’t sound this distant when you promised i was the only one you needed,” you murmur, the frustration and sadness bubbling to the surface, breaking through the cracks that have been forming for too long.

there’s another pause, and you know he’s searching for the right words. something to reassure you. but this time, you’re not sure if he can fix it.

“i’m still here,” he says, but even as he speaks, you can feel him slipping away. “it’s just… it’s hard right now. there’s so much going on, and i don’t know how to balance everything.”

“so where does that leave me?” you ask, voice trembling.

he doesn’t answer right away. the silence that follows is heavy, suffocating. the kind that leaves no room for hope, only a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“i’m trying,” he says eventually. “but maybe… maybe that’s not enough.”

those words sting more than anything else he’s said.

you don’t respond right away. the weight of everything you’ve been holding in presses down, making it hard to breathe. you thought love would be enough. that no matter what obstacles came your way, you’d face them together. but now, standing on opposite sides of this growing distance, you’re not sure if you can hold on any longer.

“do you still want this?” you ask, voice barely above a whisper. “do you still want us?”

he hesitates, and that hesitation says more than any answer he could’ve given.

your heart sinks, a painful realization settling in. it’s not that he doesn’t love you—it’s that he’s choosing other things over you. his dreams, his career, the expectations placed on his shoulders. maybe he didn’t mean to hurt you, but in the end, his choices speak louder than his words.

“i don’t know,” he finally admits, and it’s like the ground falls out from under you.

“i see,” you say, voice shaky, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill. you don’t want him to hear how broken you feel, how much this is tearing you apart.

“i never wanted to hurt you,” he says, voice softer now, filled with guilt. “i just—i didn’t know it would be this hard.”

you swallow the lump in your throat. “i know,” you reply, and it’s the truth. you knew this wouldn’t be easy. you knew the risks, the challenges of being with someone whose life was constantly in the spotlight, who had to balance so much more than just you.

but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

“i think…” you start, taking a shaky breath. “i think maybe we need some space.”

the words taste bitter on your tongue, but you know it’s the only way to protect yourself. if you keep holding on, if you keep waiting for him to come back, you’ll only end up hurting more.

there’s a long silence on the other end of the line.

“yeah,” he finally says, voice barely audible. “maybe we do.”

you bite your lip, trying to keep it together. “take care of yourself, okay?”

“you too.”

and with that, the call ends. you stare at your phone for a long moment, the weight of everything crashing down on you all at once.

it’s over, you realize. not in an explosive, dramatic way. but in the quiet fading of what once was, leaving behind nothing but the ache of what could have been.

just message me if you want to be on the taglist for the enha fic!

[iikatsukii]

Too Late.

synopsis: they loved you when it was too late. 

pairings: sully family x daughter/sister!reader, neteyam x twin!reader, neytiri x daughter! Reader, jake x daughter!reader

warnings: mentions of death, attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts(?), swearing, familial issues. 

word count: 3.6k

a/n: would yall believe me if i said i wrote this while listening to pussy talk by city girls LMFAOOOOO p.s. Happy valentines day (THE RED TEXT IS "FESTIVE" im trynna get into the valentines day spirit :D). I wish i could've given yall part two of illicit love instead of this but i'm not done with it </3. ALMOST THO!!! (gif creds: @world-of-pandora)

(p.s. part two is out now!!)

it was never supposed to end like this. jake's mouth felt bitter. his whole body shook as he let out the most heart-stopping scream when his eyes landed on his eldest daughter. you, neteyam's twin, lay lifeless in his arms. your father cried because he never got to tell you he was proud of you, or that he loved you, or that you didn't need to compare to your brother to still be considered his baby girl. 

it wasn't always like this, though. 

you and neteyam were always happy and playing around together when you were younger. still, as you two grew older, neteyam took on olo'eyktan training and became his father's perfect warrior. where does that leave you? mo'at had chosen kiri to pursue tsahik training because of her apparent connection to eywa. so where does that leave you? lo'ak took on the role of the troublemaker, and tuk, of course, is just the baby of the family. so where does that leave you?

you're lo'ak's babysitter. making sure the boy doesn't get into trouble, but with your lack of training due to your father training your brother more than you, you weren't really the best babysitter. honestly, it was more lo'ak protecting than you protecting him. he kept you from losing balance while in high places, saved you when you fell into the rapids and flew you home when you forgot your way as if you had not lived in this forest your whole life. 

you felt like a burden on your family. 

nothing you ever did was right. 

you went hunting? cool, but you didn't bring back enough for the whole family, so now neteyam and lo'ak have to go out and find more food for everyone else. 

you bead a necklace for your friend? great, but you messed up the pattern she asked for, so she brought it to kiri so she could remake it.

tuk wanted to go play with you? of course! but now she has a sprained ankle from falling into the river while you were looking at flowers a few feet away.

and every time, somehow, some way, your family always managed to say something that felt like a blade stabbed through your heart.

"next time, y/n, just leave the hunting to neteyam and i. at least we know the right amount to bring back." it was lo'ak before he and your twin had to go hunting for more food for dinner a few weeks ago.

"you know, sister, your jewelry hasn't been the same recently. i've had sooo many of your friends coming back to me saying you messed up the pattern they asked for. just try and pay more attention when you're beading." kiri said as you walked into your home. she was re-beading the necklace you gave to your best friend yesterday. 

the one she told you was perfect and that she loved it.

"how could you leave your sister unattended like that y/n she could've been killed?! why can't you be like neteyam? you’re twins, for crying out loud, y/n. do you not care for your sister's well-being?" your father scolded you outside your grandmother's hut. you could hear her cries inside the tent, along with your mother's gentle words of comfort, as she tried to calm her youngest daughter down. 

you were being compared to your twin for the millionth time in your life, and as used to this as you should be, it still hurt just as bad as the first time your father had said it. 

"she only sprained her ankle. it was an accident sempu–" you tried to defend yourself, but you were cut off. 

"NO. it is, sir. do you understand me?" jake yelled at you. in your 18 years, your father had never raised his voice at you, let alone for you calling him 'sempu.' he used to love it when you called him because you were his ite and he was your sempu. but right now, to him, you were just someone who had hurt his child and nothing more than that. you hang your head, eyes falling to the floor in front of you as you didn't want your father to see you cry. 

"sorry, sir." was all you said before walking away. you don't know where you walked, but you found yourself at the abandoned shack. you knew this area was forbidden, so when you realized where you were, you immediately crouched. you were just gonna walk back because your father would kill you if he found out you were over here, but then you heard voices. you looked through the bush to see a group of 3 or 4 avatars. you knew you couldn't escape now, so you pressed on the collar of your neck.

"sempu– sorry. sir, i need help, i wasn't paying attention to where i was walking, and i can hear avatars speaking english and–" your father cut you off.

"where are you?" he, your mother, and your two brothers were patrolling around your land's territories when they heard you through their earpieces. 

you let out a heavy sigh, praying to eywa that he wouldn't chew your ass up for being here, before pressing the button again and saying, 

"i'm at the abandoned shac–AHH! OWW, LET GO, YOU ASSHOLE!!" you couldn't finish as one of the avatars found your hiding spot, grabbing you by your queue.

thankfully your family had heard enough. your twin telling his father he knew a shortcut, they all flew as fast as they could to you. honestly, this was their last straw. everyone was fed up with you constantly making things hard for everyone.

your mother, though, was worried. you were caught by those skydemons all by yourself. who knew what they would do to you?

as you waited for your family, you were roughly held by your queue as they poked and prodded at you like they had never seen a native before. 

"let me see your hands." the man with a buzzcut spoke. 

"why don't you look at my feet instead?" you said. they all gave you a confused look until you kicked quaritch right in his face. you don't know how, but it caused the avatar behind you to loosen his grip, so you tried to make a break for it.

unluckily for you, the female avatar grabbed your arm, pulling you back into her form. she gripped you by your neck, unaware that she had pressed the button on your communicator. you hissed at her. the man you had kicked was only laughing as he wiped the blood dripping from his nose. "she must be one of his. she's defiant. grab her hands, let me see." he said

the avatar behind you grabbed your hands, holding them both out. 

"hm… four fingers. maybe she's not one of his." were they gonna let you go? wishful thinking.

"fine. she may not be one of his but if one of their people go missing they're bound to come for her. keep her." his words made your heart sank. were they gonna take you? away from everything? your home? your family? if you could even call it that. 

but then you thought about it. you really can't call it that. you don't remember the last happy memory you had with someone, anyone, in your family. it clicked to you that it had been about 10 minutes since you had radioed your father, and he wasn't here yet. were they even coming for you? you knew it was a stupid question. they weren't coming for you. why would they when this was the easiest way to get rid of the weak link of the family? it's not like your blood would be on their hands, and their life would be way better without you.

"they're not gonna come for me. i have no family. you killed my family in the last war, you dickhead." you lied to the man you had kicked earlier. 

hearing you say this confused your family. what were you talking about?

"dammit you're an orphan? i didn't know the na'vi had any of those. then what do we do with her. she's useless. nobody will notice she's gone." the woman behind you asked her superior. 

"hmm.. i have a better idea. kill her. use her as a warning to the sullys. this is what we're capable of now. it'll be a threat. give us jake sully and nobody else will die. but this one… this one is our lab rat. we're gonna make you bleed out nice and slow little one." he said as he grabbed his pistol off his waist, pressing it below your jaw. the nickname made you internally gag, but you held your ground. 

these people had no real idea how tired you really were. you were exhausted. you were ready for life with eywa. you wanted your deity to hold you close, keep you warm, and protect you from the harsh real world. the world that your parents didn't adequately prepare you for. the world that you were ready to leave. 

"kill me," you said as you grabbed quaritch's wrist and moved his gun from under your jaw to right above your heart. "and make it quick. nobody will come for me anyways," you said in a monotone voice.

the avatars all looked at you in awe. they had never once seen a na'vi so willing to give up their life. the natives they had all met were vicious, hissing and armed, always ready to kill. but you. you were the opposite.

you were fed up and ready to die. but not for your people. for your own inner peace. 

"no," quaritch said, putting his gun down. that shocked everyone. like he shocked his soldiers and your family, who had been listening the whole time. they were trying to get to you as fast as possible.

hearing how you really felt was a wake-up call for your family. and when they heard bullets moving within the chamber of quaritch's pistol, they all flew their ikrans as fast as possible, weaving through trees and around mountains, trying to get to you.

you looked at the man like he had just betrayed you. 

"DO IT, YOU COWARD! FUCKING DO IT! NOBODY WILL COME FOR ME!! THEY DON'T CARE!! THEY DON'T FUCKING CARE!!" you don't know what came over you, but you tried to wrestle quaritch's pistol out of his hands. your family was only 2 clicks away and could hear you struggling. everyone landed at the same time. the sullys, excluding tuk and kiri, who had stayed with mo'at, caught quaritch's attention, which distracted him enough for you to pull the gun from his grip. 

you distanced yourself from everyone, and looking around, you realized you were surrounded by everyone. your family and these random avatar people. everyone could read you. you were a ticking time bomb and the only person in control of the trigger was you. one of the avatars took a step forward slowly, but you saw him move and point the gun at him. it didn't stop him from moving, but you heard screams of protest when you pointed the gun at your own head. that's when everyone froze. the avatars. your family. nature. time. eywa. you. everything was frozen.

"babygirl…" the nickname made you snap your neck to the man who was the root of your problems. 

"NO! no, you do not get to call me that. if i can't call you ma sempu, don't bother referring to me as your daughter." you said. your energy was depleted, and you knew you would only be able to stand here for a couple more minutes before you opened your own doors and walked to your great-mother. jake tried to take a step closer to you, which only caused you to tense up and pull on the trigger a little bit. everyone immediately backed up, your mother hissing at you through her tears. "MA ITE, PUT THE GUN DOWN," she screamed at you.

"sa'nok…" you whimpered, not even being able to look her in the eyes. 

"sa'nu… i can't" you sobbed. you could barely breathe and your tears were coming down in waterfalls at this point. you couldn't see anything clearly. your tears had blurred your vision. 

you knew your mom loved you. she and tuk were the only ones in the family who had never uttered a harsh word in your direction. though she was busy taking care of tuk, so it wasn't like you got much attention from them either. but there's no way you would blame her or tuk for that. if anything, you're sorry that you have to leave them, but this world isn't for you. you turned on your heels, looking at the man whose gun you took.

"you are a coward. you should've pulled the goddamn trigger. you're fucking pathetic. are you happy now? now everyone here gets to experience what they've waited so long for." nobody had ever heard you speak to anyone like that. honestly, they couldn't tell if your words were directed at quaritch or yourself. 

you inhaled, looking up at the eclipse, your bioluminescent freckles glowing brighter than they ever had in the nighttime as tears cascaded down your face. 

"goodbye," you said as you squeezed the trigger, hearing a loud bang and tons of screaming. you felt no pain, though. you opened your eyes, not realizing you had closed them, and looked around. you noticed your pistol was stuck in the tree in front of you with an arrow clean through it. you turned to your twin with hate in your eyes. he lowered his bow as he read your expression. 

"now you wanna save me?" your voice was weak but filled with venom. 

"why didn't you save me when you noticed i stopped hanging out with you guys? hm? why didn't you teach me when i was younger? huh? why didn't you talk to me other than when you were chewing my ass out for something that was A FUCKING ACCIDENT, GODAMMIT. WHY?!" you felt like your tears were endless. 

"WHY DIDN'T YOU LOVE ME?! ANSWER ME YOU FUCKERS!! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!" you screamed your frustrations at your father and brothers. none of them could look you in your eyes, save for your mother. "you only want to save me because you know how much i don't want to be saved anymore but it's too goddamn late," you said.

you turned to the female avatar who was holding you from before. you noticed her gun earlier and hoped you looked threatening enough for her to use it as you ran in her direction. she didn't know what to do. she didn't know you were a barely trained warrior or that you wouldn't have put a scratch on her. she didn't know you were harmless. all she knew was that you were a native, and the natives were hostile. 

so she pulled her gun out and fired two shots into your chest.

the momentum of the bullet was enough to stop you from running. you felt the searing pain start to blossom in your chest area. falling to your knees, your eyes met the woman who had shot you. you looked at her shirt, reading her name. it was a funny name to you, but you didn't care. she had fulfilled your wish without even knowing it. so you used your last breath to speak.

"thank you, z-dog" you slumped over on your side, as everything started to go slow. your vision was starting to darken, and you let it consume you, not wanting to fight for your life anymore. 

cue the screams and cries from your family and the fleeing steps of the rda soldiers. your chest stopped rising and falling, and your breathing had ceased. your family surrounded your body, trying to stop your bleeding and preserve the life that had already left your body. still, you had been shot twice, and both bullets had exit wounds. it was no use. nearby, na'vi had heard the screams of distress and had called over some hunters and scouts to investigate the scene since they knew the area was near the forbidden old shack.

the hunters and scouts arrived at the scene armed and ready to defend their people, but what they were met with was the last thing they expected to see. the eldest sully daughter was lying on the floor, motionless, with two bullet holes in her chest and her blood sinking into the forest floor. her family leaned over her body, screaming and crying for her to be okay and to return to them. they whispered how sorry they were. they whispered to her how if she came back, they would treat her right, teach her, hang out with her, and love her like they were supposed to. but it's too late.

nobody knew how to react. the eldest sully daughter had died, and nobody but her family knew what had happened. 

“ma ite, oel ngati kameie. i see you. i'm sorry, i'm so so sorry. you don't have to be your brother. being you was just fine." your father cried as he cradled your head. brushing your hair away from your face, getting blood on your cheek since his hands were covered in it. 

neteyam and lo'ak were each holding one of your hands. they cried as they watched their tears pool in your palm and then fall off the edge to drip into the soil below your body. they couldn't believe they treated you like anything less than their sister. they treated you like you were a stranger, a burden to deal with. and now that you were gone, they could not tell you how sorry they were for how they treated you.

neytiri was inconsolable. her firstborn daughter had just died in front of her eyes. willingly. she wanted this. her own daughter wanted to take her life. and she couldn't do anything to stop it. how could she not know? how did you go 18 years hurting in silence? how did she not know you needed to be saved? 

"ma ite. my baby. ma y/n." neytiri's heart shattered when she saw those bullets go through your chest. she cried over your body for what felt like hours, but it was only a few minutes until the male healers came so they could carry you to the healing tents to prepare you for your burial ritual. 

as jake pulled his mate from your body, she started to push against him trying to get him to let go of her so she could return to her daughter. 

eventually, jake lets go, unable to keep his mate from her child. he joined her and just asked the healers to give your family a minute with you. 

they just nodded in understanding, leaving your family to grieve. 

two pairs of footsteps rushed towards the clearing, where the family mourned one of their own. 

kiri and tuk had heard the news and came as fast as they could. tuk screamed, running up to you and curling herself into your chest as she sobbed into your neck. she didn't care if she was getting blood all over herself. you were her older sister, and she didn't even get to say goodbye. she felt nothing but sadness and loss. tuk felt terrible because the last time she had seen you was earlier when you brought her back from the stream because she had sprained your ankle. and now you were lying on the forest floor dead? how did this happen?

"HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! SISTER, PLEASE!!" kiri begged you to wake up as she placed herself where her father was earlier. she rested your head in her lap, looking into your lifeless yellow eyes. you were her elder sister. as much as you didn't know, kiri looked up to you. she knew how hard you tried for the family, and though it wasn't your fault that you would mess up a necklace every once and a while, she couldn't help but feel guilty for the words she said to you in those moments. she knew she could've should've been nicer about it. 

when it was finally time for the healers to take your body, once again, neytiri tried to fight against them. this time everyone in the family had to hold her back as the healer walked you away in a leaf big enough to cover your entire body from the eyes of those around you. once you were gone from her view, neytiri fell to the floor again, sobbing into the ground, 

"GREAT MOTHER, WHY?!!" their mother's screams felt like a knife in their hearts. the sully family felt nothing but guilt and grief upon your death. nobody got closure because there is no closure for this kind of thing. they were the reason you wanted to die, and now that you got what you wanted, they had to live with that guilt. 

you were high in being held in eywa's embrace as you cried. looking down on your family. you did not regret your decision, but you just had one question for your deity. 

"did they really love me, great mother." eywa heaved a sigh before answering you. 

"my ite, your mother and youngest sister loved you everyday, they were just very poor at showing it i'm afraid." you nodded your head, asking a follow-up question, 

"what about the others?" you knew by her face that you wouldn't like the answer, but it was too late. the question was asked. and the answer is precisely the reason why you did what you did.

"they loved you just a little bit too late, my child."

[randxmthxughts]

Chosen by Eywa | Masterlist

neteyam x omatikaya!reader - complete

summary: eywa makes no mistakes... in the midst of his preparation to become the future olo'eyktan, neteyam is told to be with a chosen mate. guided by the signs of eywa, tsahik picks y/n, a woman orphaned by the war, whose heart already belongs to another. y/n's whole world begins to crumble, as she is forced into the loveless bond. will neteyam and y/n be able to overcome the odds and find their true happiness?

contains: arranged marriage, mentions of war and grief, angst, one-sided enemies to lovers

wc: 30.4k

a/n: i usually don't write for this trope but the idea had been inciting since rewatching the first avatar movie. this is going to be very angsty but very rewarding too and thank you to the anon who sent in the request ♡ so excited to start this journey with you!

general avatar masterlist

Chapter 1: The Dream Hunt

Chapter 2: The Betrayal

Chapter 3: Lessons to Learn

Chapter 4: Crossing the Bridge

Chapter 5: New Beginnings

Chapter 6: A Team of Two - finale

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

#Prove It & Indeed They Did

[yeagrave]

🫵🤨

[beuatifulbuttercup]

my last post put me in a downwards spiral so here you go

connor stoll has more beads than travis when he’s eighteen

drew tanaka has more beads on her necklace than silena when she’s 17

jake mason had more beads than beckendorf when he’s 17

will solace has more beads than lee and micheal when he’s 16

pollux has more beads than castor when he’s 15

annabeth has more beads than luke when she’s twelve

[fluloa]

DRIPPING | jake sully x reader [mini series pt. 3]

Your eyes flick open as you wake up, the morning blessing you with a spit of rain, as it feathers at your skin and dampens your clothes. It takes you a minute to readjust to your surroundings, met with wet grass, and a missing warm body that once laid beside you. You blink hard, recalling the events of last night and suddenly feeling the warm ache sat between your thighs. It was a nice ache, gave you a recalling flush. You notice the darkened spots on your hips, bruises. Notice the dirt pressed and smudged into your knees, appearing like someone's tried brushing it off but it only sort of worked. You find your clothes to be back on you, mysteriously.

You look around for Jake.

He isn't here. You feel your chest tighten and your heart do a little drop. You mentally kick yourself for it, because you both obviously knew it was just sex and nothing else to it. Like, it was some sort of mutual thinking that no strings were attached. Definitely.

It's gonna fuck up your lessons, that's for sure. For all you know, he's gonna start giving you dick sucking lessons.

But seriously, you were stuck. You still had that.. hole buried in your chest, it hadn't been filled. Not with his fingers, not with his whole body. It was just there. You were frustrated. At so many things. At Jake, at his sudden attitude towards you lately, at your unwavering attraction towards him, at yourself.

You fold yourself, knees tucked in, and your arms wrapped around them as your chin rests on it. A rain drop hits your face, rolling down your cheek as if it was a tear of your own. The irony of it almost makes you laugh.

Today's your break day, which means you can spend it however you like.

You decide to start the day by spending it down at the river. You strip yourself of your clothes, laying it beside the stream. As soon as you dip a toe in, you already feel a whoosh of calmness rush through you. You dive into the water, the coolness soothing your achy muscles and easing up your tense mind. You wet your hair, whisking your hands through it and getting rid of any sweat or grime you had on your body from the past day.

It was in the middle of the night, and Jake was wide awake as you sleep soundly, buried into his body as he supports you with his arm. He can just hear the sound of your gentle snoring, and by Eywa, is it the most adorable noise he's ever heard. He looks down to your face, and he doesn't think he's ever seen you this close before.

He catches the gentle curls of your eyelashes, the plump of your lips that are barely agape, the white glowy dots that freckle your forehead and cheeks. You're such a pretty girl, with a heart so full of fire and passion, it's almost overwhelming. You're almost overwhelming.

Guilt pangs his chest as he thinks back to the last few days, with the way he's been treating you. It's embarrassing, almost. And it's nothing to even do with you or your actions, it's his own stupid fault that he's just so intrigued by you. He's attempted to ignore it so many times, tried to push it deep down his chest and lock it away, even had a few warm bodies to lie next to him to numb the unexpected attraction. But it didn't work, it wasn't you.

But now that he finally had gotten to touch you, to touch your lips and your body and your femininity... it felt like something was missing. Like something hadn't been filled and it should've been.

He looks to you again, brushes out the few strays of your hair that wave in front of your face. He focuses on your forehead, and he hesitates, but overall decides to give it a gentle kiss, and his lips stay on your skin for a longer time for it to just be platonic.

He decides to lay there just for another few seconds, to adore in the way your warm body curls against his. Then he's slowly moving away from you, and his heart pulls at the way you instinctively reach out for him, eyebrows gently pinching together as a quiet groan pulls from your your lips.

His eyes land on your knees, cringing at the dirt dug violently deep into them. Treated her like a real princess, didn't you Jake, he thought. He lets a tsk morph from his tongue, softly placing his hands on your knees as he attempts to rub away the dirt. It works, sort of.

Jake finds your clothes and slips them back onto you, making sure to use the most gentle fingers he could manage. He catches the way you shiver at his touch. He finds the softest place on the grass that's near, and picks your head up gently and places it down onto the spot. He thinks about giving you another kiss, but he decides against it.

Then he leaves, but not without sparing you one last glance.

He spots you the next night in the river when in the middle of hunting, bare bodied and swimming freely in the water. You take his breath away, quite literally, as much as he didn't want to admit it. The sweetest, most gentle smile on your face as you soar through the bright water, wetting your hair and raking your fingers through it. He lets his eyes slip to your naked chest, the water of the river sprinkled on your blue skin and flicking at the glowed dots.

He makes no movement in going forward, his eyes locked on you from afar. You reach out and pick up a lily pad, circling your finger around its green face. He has to pull himself away, and for the second time, he glances back to you when walking off.

A friend of yours had told you about a festival within the village that was happening tonight. You hadn't even known about it, too busy focusing on the lessons and the specific na'vi giving you said lessons.

"I don't know," you say, wincing out your hair of the water quenched in it from the river.

"Come on," she whines, pushing your shoulder softly in a teasing motion. "Let loose. You need to relax! You haven't had the chance to."

She was right, you hadn't had the chance to. You've been so pent up with frustration and longing for Jake, you haven't even took the time to just relax. It was the first time in ages that you were actually calm this morning. So why not?

Jake sits at his throned seat, watching the people dance and yelp around the large bon of fire. They wear long materials dazzled with gems and beads on their arms that drape down, like a butterfly's wings. He doesn't even try to hide his tiredness, even goes far by wiping his eyelids gently.

Mo'at sees his moping state, and tilts her head, beckoning him with a flick of her wrist, displaying her colorful wings of dress. He puts an open hand up, shaking his head softly with a put-on gentle smile. She screws her mouth up, turns her back to him before yelping out a chant. He watches as women grab their mates, or any man available, and bring them into dance circle. The women have two beaded necklaces, the first one with long vibrant feathers that dangle loosely around the thread, and the second bigger one looped with tough leather and black-blue feathers. They take the biggest one off and wrap it around their partner's neck.

They line up in two lines, doing the same dance that he's seen a hundred times before. That he's done fifty times before.

He catches a group of girls huddling together, giggling before they push a girl out, and she walks slowly towards him. He leans his elbow on the chair arm, rests his chin on his fist as he examines the young girl. She was cute, had a few purple flowers tucked into her hair and a beaded top that barely covered her chest.

"Hello, Jake Sully, Toruk Makto. Would you like to join me in dance?"

Jake finds amusement in the way she flushes, and it's cute. "Thank you but I'm alright," he politely declines, to which she pouts at as she awkwardly tucks hair behind her feline ear. She excuses herself, saying something to her friends that he couldn't quite catch but he knows it's insulting him in some sort of way. He'd insult himself too.

He sinks back into his chair, a huff leaving his mouth. Then he spots something that makes him change his bored position.

He spots you, getting dragged into the dance by a girl, a friend probably. Blue crystals and gold beads wrap around your body by thread, light blue wings that hung at your arms and black leather that tied with your feathered loincloth and wrapped around your thighs. You had a top on in the shape of a V, which then had gold strips hanging under your breasts that curved and met your back. It seemed like you had just taken all of your braids out because your hair was folded in gentle waves, smooth and wild as it draped to your shoulders. You looked ethereal.

You laugh as your friend tosses you around, moving your arms wildly. Jake notices a boy named Selkath making his way towards you from behind.

Jake straightens from his chair, sucking in a deep breath through his chest. He looks like trouble. He's only young, around the same age as you and he's got the most shit-eating grin on his face. He touches your shoulder, and you turn your head around. Jake's grip on his chair tightens, fingers tensed as he eyes the boy leaning his head into you, whispering something that has you covering your mouth and laughing. Why would you be laughing? Jake bets it wasn't even funny and you're just laughing because it's awkward and you want to get away from him.

Selkath reaches his arm out to you, and you accept it. You take off your second necklace with one hand, slide it gently over his head and around his neck. Then he places his grubby little hands on your body, grinning down at you like he's gonna gobble you up like a fresh piece of fruit. Like hell Jake's gonna let that happen.

You laugh as you spread out your arms and sway your hips, the beads and crystals you layered onto your body swishing in motion. You connect hands with him, interlocking fingers and shaking them up, and slowing them side to side on the way down.

Jake's leg starts to bounce.

You turn your back to him, facing Jake's eyes, and sway your arms up and down, your hips following the movements and it's entrancing, your motions like water swishing from side to side. Selkath enjoys it a little bit too much for Jake's liking, as he stares at parts of your body that makes Jake growl. You grab Selkath's hands again from behind you, bringing them up and down in front of you, then bringing them back up again. His hands ghost over your chest in the process.

Jake's nose twitches, and he begins to poke his tongue at his teeth harshly. Anger bubbles through his body, boiling at his head and it's almost ready to burst.

Selkath spins you around, tucking your hair behind your eyes and gives your hand a quick kiss, letting it linger for a second as he stares you down like a snack and it’s the final thing to make something snap in Jake. He rises from his chair, as he strides his way over to you both.

“Mind sharing?” he asks once he meets the pair, snatching your hands away from Selkath’s and he puts them on his shoulders, turning your body away from the confused na’vi. Your eyes are wide, surprise displayed on your face. It was obvious you hadn’t realised he was there.

You glare up at him, moving your hands down his chest as you continue to do the dance. “What are you doing?”

“I’m a better dancer than him,” he quips, but your face remains the same. It takes him aback.

“Yeah,” you say, something swirling in your eyes and it isn’t a nice swirl. “But I bet he doesn’t leave a woman stranded.”

He blinks down at you, his mouth falling agape as you brush your arms off of him and leave the area, leaving him, a man, stranded.

MWAHAHAHAHA I KNOW IM EVIL. part 4? 🤗

[heeliopheelia]

𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐘'𝐒 𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐒 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆...

001. 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐒 𝐈𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔

𝘪 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯

𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸

𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦

christmas confessions (with jay, heeseung)

read here

002. 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐄

𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵

𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘪𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵

arguments (with heeseung, jake)

read here

003. 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀, 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐌𝐄

𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘰𝘦

𝘶𝘯𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥

mistletoe kisses (with heeseung, jay, niki, sunghoon)

read here

004. 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐈𝐓 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐒

𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺

𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴

tree picking (with heeseung, jay)

read here

005. 𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐒

𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸

𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘥, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸

𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴

cliché xmas activites (with ot7)

read here

author's note: guyssss it's finally here!! i'm sorry that the layout resembles the one from guts event so much but i just like this idea so much!! well anyways, you guys know me, i had to add a lil angst in there but otherwise i hope you enjoy this bundle of fluff that this event is!! also, i can make a taglist if you angels want to, just lemme know ❤️

[vumigumied]

Paradoxclonehigh

[the-ace-with-spades]

Random ass idea that came just as I laid down to sleep (I'm on night duty now, don't be alarmed by the timing fellow Europeans):

Hangster Soulmates AU but slightly to the left.

Soulmates aren't found, they're made — your soulmark (symbol, picture, text, names, there's lots of theories what each type of a soulmark means, etc) show up only after you meet someone and make the effort to build a relationship.

Jake had always been fixated on finding his soulmate (either because his parents were perfect for each other and were soulmates or because they were terrible for each other and weren't, you pick). Bradley had a slightly less romanticised idea about soulmates, having grown up with his mom being less than a full person after Goose died, never stopping grieving, and with Mav and Ice, still very taboo as same-sex soulmates (I imagine Mav and Ice got their soulmarks straight after Layton, still on the carrier). He, however, always thought it'd be effortless in sense that it'll come naturally and even the hardships will seem easy once he meets his soulmate.

The first time Jake and Bradley are together, the soulmarks don't show. First year passes, second year passes, and third year passes and nothing.

The longer they're together, the more logical it is to say they aren't each other's soulmates.

There are couples who aren't soulmates and live long happy lives together, but this isn't something neither Jake or Bradley want. Jake tells himself that if by the fourth year there's no soulmark, they will break up. Bradley is in sort of a limbo, because his relationship with Jake had been easy and natural, and he genuinely thought they would turn out to be soulmates. He decides he doesn't care that much after all and wants their lives to be entangled even without the soulmark. In the meantime, as the time goes, Jake becomes more and more distant.

Jake gets a soulmark a week before their anniversary (two planes and a sunset in the background, travelling up the space between his shoulder blades), expecting Bradley to tell him on the anniversary that he got his too. It doesn't happen because Bradley doesn't have a soulmark at all.

The day of their fourth anniversary, Bradley wants to talk about their plans for the future, but Jake breaks up with him before, telling him he's not going to settle for less than his soulmate and they obviously would know by then if they're soulmates by now.

Things turn bitter, they're still in the same squadron, Bradley saying a little too much and then leaves for a different base without ever taking them back.

When they meet during the return to Top Gun, Jake is still bitter, both because of the stuff Bradley said and because they had something good and he broke up with him to find something better with his soulmate and still hasn't found them.

Bradley is bitter, but in a sad way, feeling like he's never going to be enough, especially with Mav as a second reminder hovering around.

Post-mission, things get better, they apologize to each other and start spending time together again (mostly in group/work settings).

Bradley can feel that something is happening between them again but tries to seem oblivious to all of Jake's flirty demeanor because he knows Jake is still obsessed with finding his soulmate and he obviously isn't them. Jake wasn't acting like this on purpose at the beginning, it just showed up naturally when he and Bradley started talking in a friendly manner again, but the more it happened, the more he wanted it to happen — his soulmate wasn't there and Bradley was and he alread knows how good they could be together.

This goes on for some time until Bradley snaps and tells him to stop giving him hope and mixed signals with his behavior and that he's not up for being around as a second best option just until Jake finds his soulmate.

Obviously, Jake needs to decide what he wants — and he decides he wants Bradley.

It takes 3 months together for the soulmark to show up on Bradley (two planes with a sunset as a background travelling down the space of over his sternum).

[god-monsters]

Jake Kim x Reader: First Kisses

Masterlist

Somewhere along the way, the flirtation turned serious. Longing looks and lingering touches joined the cheesy pick up lines, the banter, and the winks.

You and Jake are obvious even if you aren't official. Even if neither of you have yet to put a label on it.

(Collectively, Big Deal is torn between gagging or cooing over yours and Jake's budding relationship. Sure, they're happy for you both but do you really need to rub it in their faces day in day out?)

Ever the gentleman though, Jake did in fact plan to ask you out on a date, ask you to be his girlfriend before a kiss happened.

Except.

There was just one too many times where he felt his heart race, his throat dry up, and your lips frankly looking too irresistible.

And why the hell are you looking at him like that ? How did you expect him to hold back?

.

.

Your first kiss shouldn't have been romantic.

(Jake had watched you laugh with a strange look on his face, then with a delicate grip, pulled you into this alley. He himself acted before thinking, like he was in a trance from just seeing you.)

Nevertheless, Jake Kim with his Jake Kim charms even manages to make a dark and damp alley just behind Big Deal street seem like the perfect setting.

As if everything is elevated with his light. With his confident smile, his faint dimples. With his virtue.

So much so that if Jake asked to kiss you in the dumpster, you probably would hop right in and pucker up. Or at the very least seriously consider it.

"I just couldn't help it..." he murmurs, eyes flickering down, gentle fingers tilting your chin up towards him and thumb grazing over your lips, "I was hoping for somewhere better..."

Jake leans in slowly, hesitantly and stopping just short. Barely even centimetres away.

Enough for your skin to tingle from the closeness and frisson of excitement. For your breaths to mingle together and you can taste his peppermint on your tongue.

Almost but not quite touching.

It's torture.

"Is this ok?" he whispers against your lips, warm brown eyes gazing softly into yours. It's only now that you notice how he is close to panting, hands nearly trembling with restraint.

Is this ok? This has always been ok.

You rock forward, closing the gap and capturing his mouth with yours.

Jake, caught by surprise, lets out a small huff of laughter as his arms circle your waist, then deepens the kiss.

.

.

Your next kiss is a quick smooch after a Big Deal meeting.

The one after that is in his office, late at night when his vision is nearly blurring from reviewing documents.

And then he presses his lips to yours again in a cheap cafe with cracked, peeling wallpaper and sticky floors.

Each time you kiss, Jake realises it could be a lot more romantic. He also realises that he doesn't care about 'somewhere better', the time or the place.

Simply being with you is enough.

[whumpypepsigal]

Chicago Fire s12e13: “I am stupid enough to have fallen in love with you.”

[randxmthxughts]

Chosen by Eywa - The Dream Hunt - Chapter 1

chapter 2 →

summary: eywa makes no mistakes... in the midst of his preparation to become the future olo'eyktan, neteyam is told to be with a chosen mate. guided by the signs of eywa, tsahik picks y/n, a woman orphaned by the war, whose heart already belongs to another

contains: arranged marriage, mentions of war and grief, angst, one-sided enemies to lovers

wc: 4.6k

a/n: i just wanted to say a major THANK YOU for 4k and for the support you have shown for this series before i even posted anything 😭 i hope this meets your expectations, and i am very excited for the next chapters

chosen by eywa masterlist | general avatar masterlist

Eywa makes no mistakes. Y/N had clung to these words her whole life, since the day her parents were taken by the merciless war against the sky people. She found comfort in knowing that her journey was already prewritten, destined for a greater purpose. But she had never expected for Eywa to turn her world upside down, forcing her to question everything she believed in, and lead her to a love that she never imagined possible…

The scent of smoldering herbs filled the air, mingling with the soft groans and hushed whispers of the healers attending to the small party of warriors. Y/N's deft hands worked quickly, spreading the last thick layer of healing poultice over the gash on his arm. He winced at the searing pain, then let out a weak chuckle at his own reaction.

"Mawey," she murmured to the injured warrior, her voice sweet with warmth that she failed to conceal, “We are done.” Their eyes met briefly, and a blush crept up Y/N's cheeks.

She turned away, to hide a small smile that tugged at the corners of her lips, and stepped closer to Kiri to search for another remedy in their shared basket. Neteyam, sitting beneath his sister's tender ministrations, winced slightly. His eyes then spotted Y/N, who was rifling through the herbs and ointments, though her thoughts seemed to drift somewhere else.

“What are you looking for?” Kiri asked, poking her head out from behind her brother.

“Oh,” Y/N turned, flashing the siblings a sheepish smile, “Was just making sure that we had enough eanean.”

Kiri nodded, though she was hardly convinced. Having worked with Y/N side by side for years now, she had grown to read her subtle moods. Over the past few months especially, with the increased work, the two women had become closer, and Kiri had suspected that there was something going on between Y/N and Kaye, the warrior she was just tending to. But she ultimately decided not to intervene. 

“I still don’t understand how you even crossed paths with those skxawngs at the Eastern border,” Kiri returned to the conversation she was having with her brother.

"They were lying in wait," Neteyam answered, his gaze still fixated on Y/N, "I don't know how they figured out we'd be there today, but they attacked us from above."

"That's very bad," Kiri sighed, applying fresh bandages to his back, “What if there were more of them?”

She circled to stand in front of her brother, while her eyes darted around the spacious tent. The healing tent had been expanded due to Mo’at’s request, who had decided that the old one was too cramped. Mo’at also took on more students because of the attacks from the sky people, and the clan now boasted a larger number of healers than ever before.

"We probably wouldn't have made it out alive," Neteyam sighed, disappointed. 

The future Olo’yektan saw no point in hiding the intensity of the day’s event; he had barely escaped his own death earlier. He was assigned to lead the party, and the weight of bringing his warriors to safety was heavy on his shoulders. How could he ensure they would never end up in the same situation again? Getting trapped by the sky people, almost facing death. He couldn’t help but feel insecure in his own ability as the future chief, maybe he wasn’t ready to pass his Dream Hunt yet.

Kiri's shoulders slumped in response, though the answer wasn't difficult to guess. She stole a quick glance at Y/N, who seemed to be frozen in place, listening to the conversation. If anything happened to Kaye, if she lost another person she loved to the war, would she be able to bear it?

The familiar touch of Kaye's hand on her back broke Y/N out of her thoughts. As he passed by, uttering a grateful "thank you," she blushed deeply, but the worry in her eyes was not lost on Neteyam.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Y/N dipped her feet into the cold water, feeling the soreness starting to slip away from her body. The river was serene, calming her, as she had been on her feet all day, working under the watchful eyes of Mo’at and tending to the injured warriors. Kaye, who sat next to her, nudged her thigh with his. She could feel the warmth of his body against hers, his canines peeking out with a small smirk.

“You know I don’t like it when you are upset with me,” he said, nudging her again playfully, “Y/N.”

Her ears twitched, as she turned to look at him with a hint of annoyance at how unserious he was being. He had accidentally blabbered about his stupid idea to take on two geared up sky people at once and almost lost his arm during the encounter.

“The Great Mother may have looked after you today, but it won’t always be so,” she said firmly, “I lost my parents to a slip-up like this. Eywa does not intervene in these matters.”

“I know,” Kaye cupped her cheek tenderly, recognizing the reminiscing in her eyes, “I will be more careful.”

She leaned into his touch, eyes closing for a moment with a small sigh. Her mind wandered back to the memories of her parents. It was a pain that never fully went away, a constant ache that still kept her up at nights.

“I worry about you, Kaye,” she murmured.

“And I worry about you,” he replied softly, his thumb rubbing circles on her cheekbone, “Which is why I think it is time to tell my family about us.”

Y/N blinked at him, feeling the familiar spark of hope ignite within her, but she quickly pushed it aside. She had heard these words from Kaye before, a promise that he had broken time and time again. His family held importance in the clan, his parents were strict, determined to arrange a mate for Kaye, just like they did for the rest of their children. And she was never worthy of their attention. She had nothing to offer to them. Kaye knew that too well, but he continued to give both of them false hopes of a bright future together.

“You don’t have to, it is no rush,” she mumbled, wondering if her devotion to him would ever be matched, “I don’t want you to fight with your parents.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Like in the womb of Pandora, surrounded by the elders and the Tsahik, Neteyam proudly wore the white paint on his body as he silently took a seat in the middle of the circle. His mother lingered behind with a mixture of worry and pride on her face; she had looked forward to the day her firstborn passed the Dream Hunt, but the earlier encounter with the sky people had shaken her slightly. What if Neteyam was too tired and wouldn’t survive his uniltaron? Jake threw an assurring arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his chest, and she gratefully complied, peeking at her son with a smile. Jake was grinning, confident that Neteyam, who had already accomplished so much at his age, would pass his trial with ease. He had prepared for it for months, what’s one more rite?

The chanting began to pick up with the beginning of the ritual, and knowing his role too well, Neteyam opened his mouth willingly when Mo'at approached him with a glowing worm hanging from her fingers. The worm wiggled around as Neteyam closed his lips around it and chewed it down. The smoke from burning herbs filled his nose and eyes, burning all the way to his lungs. 

The chant grew louder and more hypnotic, and the taste of the worm on his tongue numbed his buds like a torch. Neteyam felt his body vibrate involuntarily, and as his father placed an arachnoid on his neck, he felt it stung him twice mercilessly. Neteyam squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out the noise and the pain, as his mind began to slip into a trance. He could feel his lungs give out with a sharp pain and as he desperately gasped for air, it seemed like he was falling, spiraling down with nothing to grab onto. His heartbeat suddenly was louder, faster in his ears, thumping in a rhythm as he plummeted it down. The world went dark, and when he opened his eyes, Neteyam saw himself in the forest, surrounded by mist.

His body went limp for a moment, bright sunlight blinding his vision. He gathered his energy and barely moved to his feet, when with a sudden gust of wind, a banshee flew right above him, so close to the ground that it almost threw him off. Instinctively, Neteyam reached to cover his eyes with his hand, and then he was no longer himself.

His body ached, as it began to stretch out. His hands were growing, transforming into wings, as venom flowed through his blood, he was suddenly floating above the forest. It was like he was on the back of his ikran but the feeling was more intense. Unmistakably, his mind was no longer his own, Neteyam saw and felt through the banshee.

A rush of adrenaline burst through him, and Neteyam, for the first time in his life, was free, as he soared through the sky. He couldn’t express it, but he could feel it somewhere in his heart that this is what he was meant to be. One with Eywa.

As he flew over the trees, he spotted and neared closer to himself. His own Na’vi body stood small and fragile from the new point of view. But there was also somebody else standing next to him. A woman holding his hand. She was laughing, her voice vibrantly filled his ears with a pleasant sound. A long necklace wrapped around her neck and hung all the way down to her stomach, adorned with big beads, glistening under the sun, and blue feathers. Her hair was let down in soft waves, and her face… When Neteyam tried tracing her features, he realized he couldn’t. The image began to slip away from him, and he felt his body betray him once again…

Suddenly, his eyes flew open, the darkness of the cave enveloping him. His trembling body was arched, palms digging into the soil beneath him, sweat rolling down his face in big drops. Neteyam took a moment to regain his breath, heart pounding.

“It is finished,” Mo’at’s voice broke the silence, words echoing through the cave.

Neteyam winced slightly at the loudness and rubbed his eyes to regain his vision. He could feel the eyes of elderly on him, then the relief in his mother’s voice, as she rushed to his side. Her hands reached for his face, massaging his temples.

“Did you see your spirit animal?” Neytiri asked with a smile, her eyes brimming with curiosity.

Neteyam nodded weakly, a small smile of his own stretching across his lips. 

“I saw an ikran… I was the ikran!” he exclaimed, his laughter filling the cave.

Jake and Neytiri joined in his giddy laughter, the rest of the circle smiling in approval. Neytiri pulled her son into a tight embrace.

“We are very proud of you, son,” Jake said, crouching down next to them and patting Neteyam’s head, knowing exactly what he went through.

“Thank you,” Neteyam smiled, then as if he remembered another vision from his Dream Hunt, continued, “But I saw something else too!”

Mo’at approached him hastily, making a room for herself, as she splayed her fingers against Neteyam’s face. She peered into his amber eyes with curiosity, urging him to continue.

“I saw a woman,” he smiled, the memory returning to him, “She was holding my hand… well, the hand of my Na’vi body.”

Neytiri gasped softly, her eyes widening with shock. Mo’at’s expression remained stoic, though she gripped Neteyam’s shoulder. 

“Did you recognize her, child?” she questioned, concealing her surprise.

“No, I couldn’t see her face,” Neteyam shook his head with a slight disappointment, “She was a Na’vi woman. But I couldn’t see her clearly.” He looked to his father, seeking answers, but found only confusion there. 

Neytiri and Mo’at shared a knowing glance before rising to their feet. Neytiri brought her hands to her chest, anxiety etched onto her features. Jake registered it immediately, now alerted too by their reactions. 

“Is something wrong?” he whispered to her.

She looked back at him, confusion marring her expression. She wasn’t really sure what it meant, only knew that Eywa very rarely sent a vision during the uniltaron. Mo’at circled around Neteyam, the air thick with tension. He waited patiently, his eyes trained on his grandmother, though he was already a little worried by how long she waited to speak. She took a step back and motioned for him to stand up. He complied, his body still weak.    

“The Great Mother had blessed you with another vision, a peek into your destiny,” Mo’at’s tone was serious. 

Jake’s ears perked up, unsure if it should excite him or scare him. He looked around the cave, seeking for a similar reaction, but everyone except him and Neteyam seemed to have an idea of what it meant. 

“What does it mean, grandmother?” Neteyam asked carefully.

“It is time, Neteyam,” Mo’at spoke with a glimmer of pride in her eyes, “The Great Mother thinks you are ready to take a mate. Your journey begins now.”

Neytiri wrapped her arms around her son once more with a bittersweet smile. She seemed relieved by the explanation. Neteyam, like the perfect son, had passed every rite on his own. Now it was time for him to face the rest of his challenges with a woman by his side, someone he would love and cherish. He wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. Jake watched with the same confused expression on his face, ever so often glancing at Neytiri to try and understand how he should react.

“If you have already chosen a mate in secret from the clan, you must reveal it now, child,” Mo’at spoke again. 

“No, grandmother, I have not chosen,” Neteyam shook his head firmly, “I am not mated with anyone.”

“Very well,” Mo’at heaved a sigh, then tilted her head slightly, “Do you have anyone in mind for the role?” 

“No,” he shook his head again, this time slightly embarrassed by his own answer. It was the only thing he lacked so far, “I didn’t have time for that.”

The words brought a pang of guilt to his parents. They both lowered their ears immediately, feeling fully responsible for raising their son with such a weighty burden on his shoulders.

“Good. Then the search begins,” Mo’at announced, “You will hear the answer soon.”

Neteyam felt his heart sink. His mouth hung open, as he looked around the cave for support but the elderly only seemed content with the decision and began to disperse. He would hear the answer? Were they going to decide for him? Of course, arranging bonds was quite common and successful in his clan, especially within the line of Olo’eyktans. Their mates were chosen carefully, keeping in mind that the couples had to be strong enough to lead their people through thick and thin. But he was content with his life as of now, exploring the forests and working on his skills. Neteyam didn’t feel ready, despite his vision. He glanced at his father, who was now frowning and clearly holding himself back from speaking, biding his time until they were left alone to discuss the matter further.

“Neteyam, you should go to the celebration, your brother and sisters have been waiting for you this whole time," Neytiri spoke softly.

"But mother -" Neteyam tried to protest.

"No buts, boy," his father interjected, “You did well. Go celebrate."

“Fine,” Neteyam nodded, his voice falling to a whisper.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

It has been a few days since Neteyam passed his Dream Hunt, but he was already impatient for his grandmother’s decision. It could take her months to make it, yet he couldn’t help the anxiousness. Was he too late to choose a mate for himself? What made it worse was the conversations he overheard between his parents. He tiptoed around the corner of his family tent, his mind already racing with conflicting thoughts. He had gathered every argument and piled it into a high tower, ready to unravel it onto his parents, but as their voices grew louder, he couldn't help but eavesdrop.

"I can’t believe you’re going along with this, Neytiri," Jake's voice echoed, his tone growing more exasperated by the second. "He should have a choice in who he wants to spend his life with."

"He didn’t make a choice in time," Neytiri replied, her voice firm, "But the Great Mother has. A mate has already been chosen by Eywa.”

“And what if he doesn’t like this arrangement? You were in his place once,” Jake was upset. He had never expected Neytiri to agree with Mo’at’s decision.

“Ma’Jake,” Neytiri sighed, “Eywa makes no mistakes. Neteyam received a clear sign, it would be foolish to ignore it.”

Neteyam's heart skipped a beat at her words. His mother seemed determined that it was the right step to take, and deep down, he thought he agreed with her. He had to trust in the wisdom of Eywa. Yet, Neteyam was scared because of his own helplessness. 

“I don’t know…” Jake trailed off. 

It wasn't fair play, arguing with Tsahik’s decision, with Eywa’s signs. Jake may have lived on Pandora for over 20 years, having been reborn as a Na’vi, but he still felt like an outsider when it came to the traditions of the clan. He wasn’t going to enforce his opinions with his position as Toruk Makto and go against everyone. But he also didn’t want to see his son suffer.

Neteyam sighed before stepping into the tent and revealing himself. Both of his parents stiffened, having suspected that he overheard their conversation. He felt caught between two and he had no other choice but to put a stop to it.

“‘Itan,” Neytiri’s expression softened, sensing the uncertainty in his eyes. She walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, “I know that you might feel confused but I believe that accepting Eywa’s sign will lead you to being a strong leader someday. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices, but ultimately the Great Mother looks after us. Our fate is already written.”

“Whatever your grandmother decides, you don’t have to go along with it, if you don’t want to, Neteyam,” Jake added with a strained voice, “Trust your heart.”

Neytiri nodded with a small sigh. She too was conflicted, torn between her trust and her love for her son. The vision during the Dream Hunt was a rare blessing, and Neytiri didn't want Neteyam to miss out on it.

“You have been destined for greatness, ‘itan,” her expression softened, “We will be with you every step of your journey.”

“Thank you,” Neteyam looked between his parents, “But I decided to accept the sign. And I want to make you proud,” he added, his voice barely above a whisper.

Jake and Neytiri exchanged a glance. Neteyam could feel the weight of his clan's expectations heavy on his shoulders, like he couldn’t refuse, no matter how much his parents expressed they would support him. Now, as he looked at their worried faces, he knew he had to put his own desires aside for the sake of his people. 

“Grandmother sent me over to get you. She has her answer,” Kiri’s voice trembled slightly as she delivered the news, interrupting their moment.

Her ears were flat against her skull, face etched with worry for the burden placed upon her brother. She could only hope that he would be happy and at peace with whatever will be decided.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

One man's joy is another man's sorrow. 

Becoming the future Olo’eyktan’s mate, getting accepted into his family, being his family, filling the hole left by the death of her parents. To be granted the ultimate praise and be chosen by Tsahik, be approved, be enough. After losing everything, it all seemed too good to be true to Y/N.

Her heart sunk deep in her chest, voice hitching in her throat before words of protest could even escape. How could she agree to being with Neteyam? Sure, he was handsome, skillful, he was respected and would be sweet to her. But he wasn’t Kaye, wasn’t the one she wanted. Not the one who promised to be hers. No. It was going to be Neteyam, the future Olo’eyktan. The guy who had grown up with the eyes of the whole clan on him. Who was performing all the time, concealed his true feelings. Someone whom she didn’t know well, whom she never saw that way. 

“Y/N, do you accept?” Mo’at asked, her voice louder this time.

Y/N’s thoughts raced faster at the gravity of the question. Mating with Neteyam would fulfill her duty to her people, a duty to carry on the traditions, an opportunity to belong, to be part of something bigger, greater. To finally feel useful, be able to give back to her clan. She glanced at Tsahik and could see the disapproval etched on the older woman’s features. 

Any girl would kill to be in her position. It felt like a slap to even consider rejecting Neteyam, Mo’at was convinced that her grandson was going to be everything and more. She had seen him in her visions since even before he was born. He had a strong heart, was destined to be a leader, guide his clan to a better future, make a happy one for himself too. 

The atmosphere was thick with anticipation, each breath Y/N took felt like a burden on her chest. Jake and Neytiri, who stood nearby, waited patiently, hoping for the answer they wanted to hear but also expecting the one they feared. It was hard to tell apart which was which. Y/N stole another glance at Neteyam, whom she had greeted only a few minutes ago, just before his grandmother revealed her vision of Y/N being mated with him. He looked guilty, chewing on his bottom lip, muscles tense, as he desperately seeked for a reaction from her, anything. He felt the guilt eating away at him, he wasn’t blind, Neteyam had seen they way she was around Kaye. He just couldn’t understand why they had never announced it to the clan. Maybe things wouldn’t be so difficult now… 

“I-I,” she stuttered, “I don’t know what to say, it is a great honor but…”

“But you deny?” Mo’at raised her eyebrows in disbelief, completely baffled with her answer.

“No - yes,” Y/N stammered, shaking her head, “I am only saying that there are many women in the clan who are worthy of becoming the mate of the future Olo’eyktan. Women better than me, who would know how to lead a clan.”

Mo’at pursed her lips together, clearly dissatisfied. Y/N wanted to scream, to run away, to hide from the responsibility that was thrust upon her so unexpectedly. Neteyam's eyes bore into hers, pleading silently for a chance. But she didn't know him, not really. How could she possibly agree to mate with someone her heart didn’t long for? Neytiri shifted uncomfortably, nudging Jake to do something, anything to ease the situation. He sighed, stepping forward to Y/N.

“I know it can be hard to let people take care of you, kid, but sometimes it is okay to let yourself just be,” he placed a hand over her shoulder, his features etched with sincerity, “Your parents were great people. I thought very highly of them, I truly mean it.”

“I know, Olo’eyktan, they respected you too,” Y/N nodded weakly. 

Ever since their passing, Y/N could feel Jake’s protective gaze on her. He had been looking out for her for years now, making sure that people in the clan treated her well. It was him who had asked Mo’at to take Y/N as a student because he saw the potential in her to help others. But now, it was time for him to be taking all that back, and the realization made her heart clench painfully.

“I’ve never told you this but before your mother passed away, I was there with her,” he paused for a moment, “She asked me to take care of you, to make sure you had a place in the clan. And I know of no better way to fulfill that wish than this.”

As he spoke, Y/N's felt like shrinking under the weight of his arm still resting on her shoulder. She couldn’t tell him that her heart belonged to someone else, someone she could never have because she had nothing to offer. Nothing to give, nothing to make his family think she was worthy of him.

“The sign of Eywa was clear,” Neytiri chimed in, drawing attention back to her, “Neteyam had a vision during his Dream Hunt. He saw his mate.”

“But that’s… that never happens during Dream Hunts!” Y/N seemed baffled too.

She looked at Neteyam, hoping for a further explanation, but he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. Shame and pressure showed on his face, as if the argument made by his mother put him into an even deeper pit of despair. 

“It happens rarely,” Neytiri continued, then smiled softly, as if catching up on with her own thoughts, “Very rarely, Eywa sends these signs to exceptional Na’vi. It must be her way of saying that it is time to let somebody else help him on the rest of his journey.”

Useful. It was the precise word Y/N used, whenever she asked for Tsahik’s help during the lessons. When her eyes would go red from the amount of tears she shed when she felt unwanted. When she hid herself from the man she loved because his parents would never accept her. Y/N had always been a hard worker, eager to prove herself in the clan, but no matter how much she did, it never felt enough.

Neteyam watched her with fear and desperation. Now the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to make things work. The pressure of being the perfect son, the future leader, was a weight that he needed to share with someone strong.

Then they saw it. A single atokirina’, a sacred seed that had last appeared to Y/N on the day her parents were killed, floated around her, casting a soft glow over her features. For a moment, nobody spoke, watching the seed with adoring smiles. Y/N's expression softened too, feeling as if the Great Mother herself had blessed her. Eywa had spoken.

“It seems like Eywa tries hard to convince you, my child,” Mo’at's words were soothing, her voice softening as she spoke with adoration for her world.

"To be chosen by Eywa is a wondrous thing,” Neytiri added with a grin.

Y/N’s gaze met Neteyam's, his eyes searching for any sign of what she was thinking. Did he feel the same pressure as her? Did he want this, or was he as trapped as she was?

“Is this really how it works?” Y/N asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“Eywa speaks to us in many ways, my child,” Mo’at nodded.

chapter 2 →

♡ taglist ♡ : @kiri-tuk @samiiistarss @afro-hispwriter @sharkybabe9 @iwantjaketosullyme @thexplosivegirl @peachinsomniac @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @koala-wonderland @sakura-onesan @bakugouswaif @nilsafaune-art @dimplesxx @yogurlllllllllllll @i-live-in-a-fantasy-daydream @theycallmesia @crazy4books1 @empiricsad @summertimedepression @vihelm @athenachu @cleverzonkwombatsludge @ducks118 @couragemydearheart @ishadori @cheezitcracker @xstarsmvxz @jkeluv @qtkat @marsbars09 @xstarsmvxz @jkeluv @buckysleftarm420 @171625362772 @soleilmoon @skyline-night @bakugouswaif @blueslxt-primary @kavyaas-world

if your username is in red, please fix your settings, so you can be tagged and notified

[dirtytransmasc]

TW: VERY DARK AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT (kind of)

Prompt :

He was six

Norm found him with his wrist slit

“Why’d you do this kiddo?”

“I wanted to get rid of the demon blood”

Jakes reaction

Neytiri stitched him up with an unreadable expression

IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMY

I UNDERSTAND, PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THIS IF ITS TO DARK!!!😭

oh my fucking god... it hurts so bad, but its so good. I love dark angst, there aren't many places I won't go, so have no worries anon.

head the trigger warnings above, I don't get super graphic, but I don't skid over any details either. disclaimer, mama!neytiri brain worms are liquefying my brain, so this is a little (a lot) neytiri-centric, cause I can't help it, its the worms I swear.

also, there are like 0 resources on na'vi medicine, so I'm just fucking winging it man, I'm gonna pull some shit out of my literal ass and we're all gonna have to just be ok with that. ~~~

norm wishes he could say he was shocked, surprised that this little boy wanted to hurt himself, let alone went through with it. he should have been gutted, more than he was at least, angry, put off, something. but not that its happened, he saw it from a mile away, he should have noticed, should have stopped it. all he felt was guilt, burning up his heart and knotting up his stomach as he put pressure on spiders tiny wrists, holding his lulling body in his arms. spider was just a kid, a baby, but he's muttering about 'getting rid of demon blood' and 'not belonging' and it being 'better off' if he was gone. it was somehow worse in his childish wording, his perfect innocence and naivety only just beginning to crack as the pain in his little chest began to swell.

it had been the odd quietness from spider's 'room' back in the cave marui's that alerted him to something being wrong. spider was quiet, in a way; when he was out playing with the kids he was loud, laughing, face filled with light and joy, even if something cold still glinted in his eyes. but when he was on his own, having been left behind or told off by some adult, human or na'vi alike, for getting in the way, he would sulk off to the little marui by the shack. but even if he would sit amongst himself, playing with the few figures someone had put time aside to make, attempting to weave a new piece of jewelry or basket, mending the sad little knife he wore on his side. he was always doing something, could be heard humming or sniffling, the sound of his knife on the wetstone or the clunking of wooden figures on each other were a constant. so when norm heard nothing but silence, his gut ticked up, the hair on his neck bristled, his legs carried him much farther they would on the average day until he was staring at spider and his little bloody arms and his little bloody knife and his sad little eyes.

it took only a split second for norm to come back to himself, to rush and pick the boy up before he had enough 'sense' to try and back away (spider never wanted trouble, never wanted to get in the way or be a burden, the fact he didn't try and hide worried norm more then it would of if he did, which was even more concerning in its own right).

he just held spider as tight as he could, his big blue hands easily covering his human wrists, trying to think of what he should do. he should say something, other then "its ok" but what does he say? what do you say to a six-year-old who just tried to kill himself, no, no, "get rid of the demon blood" coursing through his veins?

he wasn't going to lecture him, spider made it clear why he did it, comfort wasn't his strong suit. he could just look at his puffy little cheeks, one side of his mask blooded as he had attempted to wipe his cheek on instinct. so he just repeated a mantra of "I'm here" and "it's ok" and "your ok" until he reached the infirmary, trying to prtend he didn't feel spider slipping further and further away with each passing second.

in the flash of just a few seconds fueled by adrenaline alone, he knew he regretted everything. he was spider's caretaker sure, but he was no father, jake wasn't either, and the boy didn't have a single maternal figure to his name. no mother to kiss his brow at night or admire his accomplishments. he had no one, not truly, and norm allowed to happen, was not only complicit in it, but played a direct role in it. now he may not get to make that up, may not be given the chance to step up, to fix this.

he carried spider to the infirmary hut, knowing he would find someone, anyone, there who could help. part of him knew that mo'at had seen something in the child that brought some sort of pity from her, that maybe just this once, spider wouldn't be so alone in her presence.

when he entered the pod, he found mo'at showing neytiri something, explaining different herbs to her, though he didn't pay enough attention to it the lesson to pull out any identifying features of the herbs in question. both turned to look at him when they heard his rapid breathing, their gaze then shifting to the bloody boy in his arms, the ever-so-faint fogging of the glass that made up most of his exopack, and the ghostly parlor of spider's skin.

"put him down," mo'at commanded, before norm could even speak, clearing her pallet in an instant, "what happened to him?" her voice was firm, almost knowing.

"he...cut himself...intentionally...I don't know how long ago, but I found him in his pod alone and brought him right here."

"intentionally?" neytiri hissed, removing the boy from his arms when he couldn't get himself to comply with the order and holding him so she could listen to the weakening beat of his heart. she tied turniquotes around his upper forearm with the strands of clothing handed to her by her mother, absent-mindedly rocking the little thing where he rested held between her free-er arm and her chest, when the last bits of his consciousness were directed to fussing, no doubt from the pain. she couldn't bring herself to bind them too tight, just enough to control the bleeding, her hands and a bit of cloth could handle the rest.

(mo'at almost lectured her, but she saw that look in her daughter's eyes and knew it would be pointless, a mama bear gets what she wants)

norm had never seen the protective fire in her eyes, normally directed at her children, burn so bright for spider in the last few years she had known him. it scared him, it felt so unnatural that the very gaze he had learned to trust in most cases, froze him like a deer in headlights.

but that question, the tone of it, made his gut sink. how did he explain this, spider was just a baby, and he had slit his own wrists. that on its own was gut-wrenching, but the reason? Eywa have mercy.

"he said... he said he wanted to get rid of his demon blood, so he... he used his own knife and cut his wrists... its a common form of self harm back on earth, to cut yourself, but I don't even know how he would know to do that, why he would do it... I know why, but..." norm felt defeated. he should have seen something.

the look on neytiri's face made him want to tuck his tail between his legs and run off. she placed spider down as gently as one could, face scrunched up with pain and anger as she keeps pressure on both of spider's wrists.

"get jake, he is with the young hunters." she spoke quietly, her voice almost bitter. she didn't know if she blamed him, if she was angry with him, she barely understand how to feel about spider harming himself. all she knew is that he had just given her some of the most heartwrenching news she had heard in her life, so he was getting some of her mirth. norm nodded, racing off with his tail tucked between his legs, only hesitating to take another worried glance at the boy.

neytiri took a deep breath before turning to her mother. "he will need stitches, right?" she had never dealt with an injury quite like this before, the conscious effort in the wound made it clean and to the point, unlike a wound in battle. it strived to do quick, efficient damage, and now, either because she could barely let herself think straight, or because she genuinly didn't know, she couldn't think of the best way to treat it.

"yes, my daughter, but that is the least of his worries. he cut a large vein, those are very difficult to mend, stopping the bleeding will be difficult. he's already lost quite a bit of blood, so we need to be careful. the best thing would be to put a root paste to help clot the bleeding, wrap it up, and stitch it later." mo'at turned to her morter and pestle as she spoke, mixing different herbs, berries, and roots into a dark brown, almost purple, paste.

neytiri, nodded absently, while she picked through the basket at her side for bundles of lumped fibre and soft cloth to hold against his arms. luckily for him, while he did manage to do some damage and with the help of the tourniquets, one wrist had already stopped bleeding a fair bit, and the other was manageable.

in the silence of the hut, her mother working quietly behind her, turning every once and a while to check his breathing or giving her a tincture to clean his wounds with, neytiri was left to think.

demon blood.

he had done this because of the words she and so many spat at the sight of him. he had tried to rid himself of his sins, the sins of his father, the sins of his people; but were they really his to begin with? what had he done, in his six years of life, to have earned the hate he received? was the blood he carried in his veins enough to justify pushing a child to this?

no, she decided, no it was not.

seeing him so pale and lifeless in norms arms woke something in her, something deep in her gut, maternal rage coursing through her with something vicious, and even if she didn't deserve it after all she had done to him, pushed him to do, her heart was attempting to claim his as her own, and she didn't know what to do with that feeling. then she realized, that the maternal drive that prowled in her stomach like a thanator ready to pounce, not only saw the world as a threat, but saw her as a threat.

her mother handed her the salve and she was grateful for anything to do to take her mind off of the few revelations she managed to have while waiting.

"put more of the salve where the bleeding is stronger, then wrap it tight, be careful to not make it so tight it takes off his hand." the older woman guided, watching over her daughters work.

neytiri scooped it out bit by bit, slowing rubbing it onto the wounds while her mother blotted away the blood, her ears dipping whenever the boy his with pain or tried to pull away. she just wanted to make him better, to take him up into her arms and tell him it was alright like she would if he was one of her own children. but she knew she couldn't, he would wake up and see the monster who filled his little mind with such awful thoughts of himself, that he would be just as scared of her as he always was, and that she could bring him no comfort. so he was extra gentle as she finished off the paste, and held him like delicately as she wrapped the bandage around his wrists, gushing him gently each time he cried out, combing back his hair when she felt she was finished.

then jake came barreling in, breaking up the delicate silence that for a single second allowed her to believe it was just a normal day, that the new found fantasy of just being able to mother this child was true, that allowed spider to lay in peaceful sleep with her shawl over him. norm was trying to hush him, before he woke the baby, but there was no stopping jake, not when his face was full of pain and anger, looking as if he would plow down a titanothere just to get to spider.

neytiri knew jake had taken to spider more than he had let on, but the beast in her belly screamed that he hadn't done enough either, that he didn't earn the right to worry either. but she hushed it, knowing neither had the right to claim anything, not even over each other.

"ma'jake, quiet, or you will wake him and... he will be in pain. so let him sleep while he can," she attempted to soothe quietly, resisting every urge to just scoop him up when jakes loud entry did in fact stir him.

jake sat across from her, his hand resting on spider's chest, feeling the soft rise and fall of the boy's chest. "did he really?" he asked, eyes begging for her to tell him it wasn't true. she knew he would much rather hear of a freak accident over this, but she couldn't give him that mercy.

"yes, it would seem so." her voice was short, worn, despite barely saying a word this whole time.

jake crumpled a little, much more on the inside then he attempted to let show on the outside. neytiri was used to it, jake dealing with it all on the inside, bottling it up till he burst. she placed her hands over his, both of them being reassured by spider's breathing.

"but he is still here, we can and will help him. we will make sure he never feels this way again. I will right my wrongs, I will treat him as he has always deserved, and I hope one day he can forgive me. you will do the same. for now we just have to wait." she spoke gently, still worried about waking spider. she was partly talking to herself, making the promise she had worked her mind to final, she swore it on eywa. she saw jakes eyes finally close, knocking the tears he had been fighting to keep in down his cheeks.

he nodded, slumping into a lazy, defeated-looking, criss-cross position, talking spider's little hand in his, using the wet cloth from mo'at to clean the blood from his finger, the calloused palms of his hands, his muscle-toughened arms.

jake was no stranger to this, to harming yourself, even if he had never taken a blade to his wrists. trying to imagine that pain in such a little body terrified him. how was he supposed to wrap his head around little spider, the stray cat amongst the village, always smiling and laughing, always trying to help everyone, always up in trees or tussling with his kids, his blonde hair like streaks of the sun running about the village, battling such demons. he tried to imagine what he must have been feeling when he took his knife to his wrist. was he scared? relieved? confused? was he desperate and looking for a way out?

no, no norm said that spider wanted to get rid of his "demon blood" which as somehow more nauseating. it was their faults, him, norm, neytiri, The People. they hurt this child or they let it happen. they expected him to take every glare, every spit of acid, everything he was forced to endure, and to still remain a happy child. jake never once stopped to think what effect that may have on him, and now he was paying for it.

he ached, spider was small, he could fit in jakes hands even at 6 years old. he was drowning in neytiri's shawl even if on her, it would barely cover her upper arms, he had just started fitting his exopack a little less than a year ago. he was still just a baby, and they almost let his life end. had norm not found him, he would be dead, still and cold in his makeshift marui, in a pool of his own blood. the image that accompanied the thought that flashed in his made him feel sick. even with all that he denied feeling about the boy, no matter how hard he tried to push him away, no matter what he let him go through, the thought of spider dying, especially like that, alone and scared and in pain, terrified him. to have a child die for any preventable reason, was a disgrace on The People, especially their chief of all people.

chief.

he should have been the example. he should have led his people to find love for a defenseless child who wanted only to be loved and accepted. he had failed.

he let a finger caress the side of spiders face, along the edge of spider's mask, lightly pulling at the curly baby hairs that rested there,

"will he be alright?" he didn't know who he was asking, norm or mo'at. both would have very different opinions, norm more literal, mo'at more spiritual. he didn't know which he wanted.

"physically, yes. he is lucky, his blade was simple, his hand faltered, and he didn't seem to have a death wish. he didn't do too much damage, its manageable. emotionally jakesuli? time will tell." mo'at was the one to speak, the look on norms face spoke the his fear of setting neytiri off like he almost had earlier.

neytiri looked to her mother with a pain expression, her tail beating nervously where is laid near spiders head, ears still folded back.

"his mind is plauged with pain and desperation, things no child should even be aware of. he was driven to harm himself, in ways that will be permanent. it will be our actions going forward that determine his future. I fear if we do not undo the damage now, we will lose him in the years to come... what I fear more and that the damage has been done and cannot be undone. we can only hope for the former/"

neytiri damn near let out a cry, turning from her mother, eyes clenched as tears welled up in them. she found jakes arms, both leaning over spider like a makeshift shelter. just like they should have his whole life, they should have shielded him from the world, protected him from the hate of others. spider stirred once more, and this time jake couldn't resist the urge to scoop him up.

spider looked up at both of them, his little eyes tired and glossy, something small and painful in his gaze. he began to wiggle out of jakes hold, balling up nervously, but when neytiri grazed fingers through his hair, he stopped. this was the one thing he had ever wanted, deep down. not to be accepted, not to be one with the people, not even to be na'vi. he just wanted to be held, loved, by a mother, any mother. with his judgment too clouded by all his emotions, the desperation, the pain, even the blood loss, and maybe and even simpler reason being just being a child; spider let her hold him. he couldn't think about her years of neglect, the harsh words, and harsher glares, not in that moment, that could come later. right now, he needed a mother, and neytiri was willing, so he sunk into her hold, welcoming the embrace of either parent.

the road to spider's recovery would be long and hard. jake and neytiri had a lot to make up for, to apologize for, holding onto their guilt for years as they waited for spider to reach an age were their apologies would actually mean something to him. he would have to be watched constantly, habits would be broken, tears would be cried. things would never be 100%, there would always scars and phantom pain, but that was ok.

~~~

a note for my regulars; I'm back, maybe sorta kinda. I've hit a rough patch with my adhd, I can't do thoughts, or social interaction really, but I'm starting to bounce back, so more regular posting may return shortly.

[wannaeatramyeon]

Jake Kim x Reader: Best friends (v2)

G/N. Jake is very much in love with you and pining. Fluffy version here

Jake Kim settles for a lot in life.

Settles for being forever in the shadows of his father, Gapryong Kim.

Being the Leader of Big Deal, reluctantly pushed into his father's footsteps and stepping up when Sinu couldn't.

Giving up his days and his years and his freedom in the hopes that there is an end in sight to all the crew madness.

However, perhaps the most bitter pill to swallow-

Because despite everything in his life, at least those things he could have foreseen, the destiny that was laid out from the moment he was born-

Is that he could never call you his.

Has to settle for being your best friend instead of anything more.

Ignores the way he sometimes catches you looking at him. Stops any flirtation, any chance of misinterpretation with you because he knows you will return his flowery words and teasing touches and he will remember it forever.

Settles for friendly quips and jabs, when every time he sees you, he wants to tell you that you're beautiful. That being with you is like taking the first breath of fresh air after a lifetime in suffocating smog and smoke.

To do more than provide comfort and consolation, soothing reassurance when another date of yours doesn't work out. He wants to point to himself with huge flashing signs and tell you that he won't break your heart or make you cry.

Yet he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that being with him will only end in tears.

Despite his body lunging for his phone every time he thinks it could be you, despite him wanting to spend every spare moment in your company, despite the way you haunt his days and nights.

He wants all your smiles and all your laughter and all your love.

But this will have to do. This is all he can have.

Jake continues to settle for being your best friend, and prays every day that it would be enough.

[moonknightshifts13]

Fell Out of Love?

Pre-marriage Steven Grant + Jake Lockely x gender-neutral reader (Angst)

note: yeah, I felt like writing another one lol. This one kinda hurt me ngl. We love angst stories about the moon boys.

It’s been a few months since I last talked to Steven. The last time I saw him it was when we were picking out the color themes for our wedding. We went home and then that same night, I felt him get up from our bed and heard the door close. I didn’t think much of it since he’s still Khonshu’s avatar – not by choice though – we can blame that one on Jake, but we didn’t know at the time. A few days passed by and I didn’t think much of it, just thinking that whatever mission they were on was going to take a while. Those days turned into a week, then that week turned into a month, then that month turned into months. I messaged him more than once and called more than once. 

“Steven, hun. When are you going to be back? We have our appointment for my dress fitting soon. Um, please call back.”

“Steven, it’s been a week now. I know Jake or Marc is probably fronting for the mission, but I’d appreciate it if you could come home just for the appointment. Love you”

“Steven, where are you? You missed the dress fitting appointment. It’s been a month. Is Khonshu keeping you guys longer? Please let me know so I don’t worry, love you Steven”

“Steven, please answer my calls and messages. I’m getting worried love. Are you boys okay? Did something happen? Please call me back when you can…I love you”

Eventually, I stopped calling and messaging as every call was never answered and every message was left on delivered. At some point, I started to question whether Steven was ever going to come back…that was until today. 

I sat on the bed as I was writing emails when I heard the front door open. My heart immediately raced, and I quickly jumped out of the bed, leaving my computer behind. As I walked towards the bedroom door, it opened, and Steven was there. He looked at me and he looked tired, beyond tired. I stared at him with concern and guilt. 

“Steven, what happened? Are you hurt? Why did you guys take so long? Are Marc and Jake okay? Where were yo-”

“Stop”

I looked at him confused and stunned by his stern voice. Steven avoided looking at me and he just looked off to the side.

“What- Steven, love… what happened-”

“Stop calling me that…”

“What?”

Steven looks at me, but it’s not Steven…it’s Jake. I look at Jake even more confused and concerned,

“Oh, Jake…I didn’t know, I’m sor-”

“Steven doesn’t want to marry you.”

I don’t process the words he’s said until I see his facial expression turn sour. My heart drops and my expression turns into a pained one.

“What? No- no, you’re lying. Steven would’ve told me- he would’ve told me Jake!”

“He didn’t want to hurt you, so he told me to tell you. We’re just here to get our things and leave”

I shake my head and tears start to form in my eyes. Jake walks past me and he gets his duffel bag from out of the closet, turning around and starting to pack their clothes. I shake my head again and I grab onto Jake’s jacket.

“No, no, no- please. Please, tell me why he doesn’t want to marry me! Please Jake, you can’t do this to me- he can’t do this to me. What did I do wrong? We can talk about it, please-”

“There’s nothing to talk about, he doesn’t want to marry you. End of the story”

“Jake, please- let me talk to Steven! Just let me talk to me and we can figure this ou-”

“Como chingas- HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE, OKAY?! HE FELL OUT OF LOVE!”

I freeze and I just stare at Jake with teary eyes. Jake looks at me for a second, a flash of hurt evident but it goes away. He turns away from me and he keeps packing their clothes. I let go of Jake’s jacket sleeve and I turned away from him. 

“You don’t have to pack, I’ll get my stuff and leave when you guys aren’t here”

Jake freezes and he turns to look at me, but I’m facing away from him. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. I let my tears stream down my cheeks but no sounds come out. I go to the closet and I grab my bag, I turn to the bedroom door and I exit the bedroom. I hear Jake’s footsteps follow along as I make my way towards the front door. 

“y/n…wait-”

“Goodbye Jake…tell Steven that I love him…I love you all, dearly. I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough for him”

I say softly and faintly as I leave through the front door and close it behind me. Jake just stares at the front door, now regretting his decision on interfering with Steven and I’s relationship. He didn’t think that I would actually leave, just like that. Well, how was I supposed to stay with someone who “fell out of love” with me? Little did I know that this was part of Jake’s plan. His plan to protect his brothers. His plan to make sure that I didn’t hurt sweet, innocent Steven’s heart. His plan to get rid of me, not knowing that Steven would never talk to him ever again. Not knowing that the one who hurt Steven’s heart was him: for chasing me away and telling me lies about Steven. Steven, yelling and shouting at Jake in his head for chasing me away, for telling me a lie about him falling out of love with me. Steven, telling Jake that he would never forgive him for ruining his marriage. Jake not knowing that Steven would no longer front nor make appearances ever again. He didn’t want to risk having Steven get hurt, yet he was the one to cause Steven’s pain and end his marriage.