#tegan and Sara please forgive me

[thequinpost]

What are your thoughts on them going offline for a year?

For me… it doesn’t really feel like something new. If you really think about it, they already leave social media for extended periods of time. Half the time tegan ends up bored and sara usually makes a follow up post after a sassy tegan post.

I do hope that 2026 brings some new music and hopefully new sounds. I’d like to also hope that they don’t release anymore remixes or anymore covers of their old songs. We need new content and need more merch and maybe bring back the super close society 😭

[otakubimbo]

Now I'm All Messed Up

Shoko Ieiri x F! Reader.

You and Shoko "break up"?

Hurt No Comfort, Not Proof Read, Wrote This In 30 Minutes.

OB talk: Inspired by the song Now I'm All Messed Up x Tegan and Sara. I couldn't get the idea out of my head after listening to Heartthrob for the 75th time. In my mind, it was written for a female reader but nothing is gendered.

The butt of her cigarette gets smashed under her shoe as Shoko enters into her empty apartment. It was devoid of life, devoid of joy, devoid of you.

Now I’m all messed up. Sick and tired of wondering where. Where you're leaving your makeup

Flashbacks of your terrible singing coming to her mind while she drops her stuff at the door, not even bothering to hang up anything properly. You should be dancing around in her kitchen right now, trying to stay awake as you make her a late-night dinner that she continually told you, you didn’t have to. But you always insisted. Before you, she barely ate dinner, she barely ate anything surviving off of cigarettes and coffee, but you made sure she ate, you made sure she took care of herself. You took care of her.

Now I’m all messed up. Sick and tired of wondering who Who’s life you're making worthwhile?

But now you were gone. Your light had left the cold apartment not long ago and she missed it. She missed you. You were her everything, and yet she was the reason you left. You were her everything, but in those last moments, in those last months, she treated you as if you were nothing to her but a burden. The genuine care you had for her was seen as nothing more than a nuisance as she was putting in overtime, barely sleeping, barely eating, and barely doing anything else besides work. The last words between the two of you still feel fresh in her mind.

Go (Please stay) Go, if you want, I can’t stop you.

You had brought her dinner to the hospital, another 24-hour shift.  She met you in the parking lot while she was taking a smoke break. As you handed her the dinner you packed you fiddle with your sleeves nervously as if you had something to say. The sight of it annoyed her for some reason, making her roll her eyes.

“What” her voice coming out in a huff.

“I know you’ve been so busy lately, and I understand that I do but I was wondering if you could take some time off to come to my art showing. This one’s kind of a big deal and you haven’t really had the time to go to the last few, which I completely understand I know how busy you are but if there was any way you could see if you could maybe take some time off and come. I understand if you can’t I do I was just hoping that maybe you could. If not it’s fine.”

You ramble on trying to downplay how important this galleria was to you. She had missed the last few ones, well more than a few the last several ones, and those were the ones where you had made some big connections that procured you a spot at this huge important galleria opening. Several of your paintings were going to be displayed and some of them were even going up for auction. This was actually a really big deal for you, an important step in your journey as an artist, and all you wanted was your girlfriend there.

Shoko stomped out her cigarette in annoyance, “If it’s not that important then why even ask me to come? You know they’ve been having me work triples here and what kind of time would I have to go to something like that.”

She was stressed and annoyed. Shoko knew that she shouldn’t be taking it out on you, shouldn’t have been constantly taking it out on you but she just couldn’t help it. No matter what she said or did, you always were so understanding, so forgiving, so ready to hold her after a long day stroking her hair as you told her how proud you were of her—kissing her head softly, comforting her until she fell asleep in the middle of the morning before you got up to take care of the house and the rest of your day. You loved her, you loved her with all that you had.

“Yeah no, you’re absolutely right. Sorry for even asking. I completely understand” Your eyes burned with the threat of tears; your voice wavering as you tried to keep your composure. Every word that was said to you, broke your heart bit by bit.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a bother to you, maybe I should stay back at my own place for a while.” You suggest, hoping that she would come around, hoping that she wouldn’t agree.

“Yeah, probably if you want.”

You give her a sad nod, before trying around the tears already streaming down your face.

Just go if you want to. Go if you want, I can’t stop you. Go if you want, I can’t stop you.

That was the last time she had seen you in weeks. Now here she lay face down in her bed, somehow the sheets still smelled of you, everything in her room smelled like you. There were still bits of you in there, some things that you missed. The little frogs you sculpted for her still sat on the bedside table. There were a few unfinished canvases in her closet. There was still so much of you, except without you. All she was left with was the scent of cigarettes and you.

Now I’m all messed up. Sick and tired of wondering where. Where you’re leaving your makeup.

[nimuetheseawitch]

🔥 anti military bradley is always on my mind so this

I mean, you know pretty much everything about anti-military Bradley, since I throw pretty much every idea at you. But I think what's really great about this story is how much back story there is, and unfortunately not all of it will fit into the fic. So here are some of my favorite background details that probably won't make it in:

The full details of Carole/Penny and how Carole really found community with queer artists in the 90s and how Penny wanted that life but had too many hangups with the Navy. How Carole handled her own grief and Penny couldn't come to terms with her father and her rebellion and her desire to please him and how although Penny regrets not being around for the end of Carole's life, she can't ever regret having Amelia. I have at least one story's worth of Carole/Penny thoughts that aren't going anywhere anytime soon. Also Mav thinking it's dangerous to introduce Penny to Carole and being absolutely correct.

I think I decided that this also got to be teenage Virginia Beach skater punk Bradley? Because why not? So Bradley grew up with all this queer community but also in a Navy town (forgive me, I know nothing about Virginia Beach, but I do know the Mid-Atlantic had plenty of queer community in the 90s if you knew where to look), and had all sorts of conflicting feelings about being queer and going into the Navy that I'm probably not going to dig into unless it comes up in a fight with Mav.

That snippet I wrote about Bradley explaining his tattoos might not make it into the final fic because I have no idea where it goes. If it doesn't, I'll post it on ao3 after I'm done with the main story, but for now it lives on Tumblr.

I have so many thoughts about how Bradley dresses. From denim vest covered in political buttons to crop tops to his piercings and tattoos and hair, I'm just enamored of his style. It's very 2013 Tegan and Sara meets all the anarchists I've ever ever known mixed with him actually having been a stripper.

I would love to slowly go through his and Jake's relationship and how it builds as they navigate DADT and the political differences of their respective friends and Bradley going through grad school, but that's just not the direction this fic is going. I want the long-distance phone calls where Jake just calls him B or baby to disguise that he's dating a guy and Bradley falling more in love with him as Jake insults and argues with his pretentious poli sci grad school friends and gets them to make better arguments. I want Jake proudly flaunting his boyfriend at events post-DADT because he knows he's the best of the best and Bradley dressing to scandalize stuffy admirals. I am definitely going to explore their relationship, but from a point where they thought they were solid until the Mission and Mav throws a wrench in the works.

Similarly, it would be cool to chronologically follow Bradley's career instead of just referencing why he made the decisions he did. The complete blackballing of him from anything Navy, the predatory debt collectors after his mother's death, the time where he was living in the Bronco and working three jobs while trying to scrape by in college classes, his first time stripping and how it opened up opportunities for him, his gift in perspective that makes him angrier at the military in general and pushes him in the opposite direction, his love for stripping and pole dancing, his decision to quit stripping once he's TAing classes in grad school, everything. I have it all planned out. I think I told you I even looked up tuition costs, military death benefits, and graduate classes in poli sci during the actual years they would be relevant. There's so much behind the scenes on this fic, and I have no idea how much will make it into the final story

Well, I've rambled for a bit, and I just love this story so much. Thanks for asking :)

[mr-stottlemonk]

13. What a Time To Be Alive - Fall Out Boy [1] [2]

14. Buried Beneath - Red [1] [2] ◇

15. I Love You - Woodkid [1] [2] ◇

16. Two Men In Love - Irrepressibles [1] [2]

17. What I've Done - Linkin Park [1] [2]

18. Forever... (is a long time) - Halsey [1] [2]

19. Let You Break My Heart Again - Laufey & Philharmonia [1] [2] ◇

20. Mad About You - Hooverphonic [1] [2]

21. Black Out Days - Phantogram [1] [2]

22. Heal - Tom Odell [1] [2]

23. Somebody to Love - Queen [1] [2]

24. Running Up That Hill - Placebo [1] [2]

25. Dear Arkansas Daughter - Lady Lamb [1] [2]

26. Television / So Far So Good - Rex Orange County [1] [2]

27. Love Like You - Rebecca Sugar [1] [2]

28. Two Birds - Regina Spektor [1] [2]

29. Carve A Name - Mother Mother [1] [2]

30. Él Him - José José [1] [2]

31. Piel Canela - Lisa Ono [1] [2]

32. The Man - The Killers [1] [2]

33. Every Little Thing - Dishwalla [1] [2]

34. Momentum - Vienna Teng [1] [2]

35. Window To The World - Shawn Colvin [1] [2]

36. Shine - Vienna Teng [1] [2]

37. How You Cried - Melanie Doane [1] [2]

38. Don't Confess - Tegan and Sara [1] [2]

39. Nunca Es Suficiente - Natalia Lafourcade [1] [2]

40. Nashville Skyline - Dishwalla [1] [2]

41. Warning Sign - Coldplay [1] [2]

42. Duvet - Bôa [1] [2]

43. Angels Would Fall - Melissa Etheridge [1] [2]

44. It's Okay - Land of Talk [1] [2]

45. Drawn Out - Dishwalla [1] [2]

46. Love Me Again - John Newman [1] [2]

47. rises the moon - Liana Flores [1] [2]

48. My Oh My - David Gray [1] [2]

49. Your Blood - AURORA [1] [2]

50. Please Forgive Me - David Gray [1] [2]

51. Compliment - Collective Soul [1] [2]

52. Nice Thing - Stretch Princess [2]

stottlemonk playlist

[1] - spotify link

[2] - youtube link

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

1. Do I Wanna Know - Arctic Monkeys [1] [2]

2. Did You Ever Hurt For Me - Jess Benko [1] [2]

3. Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls [1] [2]

4. Cold, Cold Man - Saint Motel [1] [2]

5. Nobody - Mitski [1] [2]

6. Hurts Like Hell - Tommee Profitt, Fleurie [1] [2]

7. Level Of Concern - Twenty One Pilots [1] [2]

8. Breathe - Fleurie [1] [2]

9. Mr. Brightside - The Killers [1] [2]

10. could you love me while i hate myself - Zeph [1] [2]

11. Nothing's New - Rio Romeo [1] [2]

12. Dark Paradise - Lana Del Ray [1] [2]

[anbroids]

your dirkjake playlist…………………. i need more

oh my god. oh my god. you have no idea what you're asking for because the thing is i will just start going insane in my reply to this.

more dirkjake songs that rattle in the cages of my mind below

Dirt on your fingernails, blood on your knees But did that ever make you happy? I think you were my best friend, gentle, do not apprehend I know it hasn't been a dream, but if you pardon, I will mend Drunk in a parking lot, just after three Tearin' out your hair like a banshee Lighter and a safety pin, light the end, burn to skin I'll stick to you forever, 'cause this scar, I think is permanent Falling off the edge with you It was too good to be true Pin, Grimes

likeeeee ooougugohugohuhh forgive me for grimesposting but everything about this. we are best friends and insane and we tried to make it work and failed but we'll try again because no one understands us but each other so i'm falling off the edge with you. bonus points for all the lyrical imagery about wrestling with each other like it just works. this is the #1 dirkjake song for me *blows up*

ok i will list a few others and restrain from heavy explanation (me when i'm lying)

Everything is simple 'til it's not Learned to love the ropes when you were caught See they could be braided a different way And sinking into nothing, you learn to stay Singers tend to hide the truth Or you hear it, if it speaks to you What do you expect, it serves them well To edit anything that's fit to tell I'm no better and I'm no worse I'm still around but it's a curse And you'll just do the best you can And time will call you a good man Everything is Simple, Widowspeak

love the part about lying by omission. something something jake english and self preservation. everything is simple until it's not! those last couple of lines.................... oh my god. do i even need to explain. im no better and i'm no worse i'm still around but it's a curse

Asking you what's on your mind Can't tell if you're quiet or tired Staying up all night to find out What's left to find out If the sun comes up, we'll know Baby, there ain't no clouds Baby, there ain't no crying Or figuring this thing out Or really, really trying to You've gotta tell me how you feel I've gotta tell you how I feel Optimism, Jana Horn

this one is soooooo dirkjake during their session aaauauaauuughhhhh isolation and pain and being unable to communicate yup yup yup

I made it to a dinner date My teardrops seasoned every plate I tried to dance but lost my nerve I cramped up in the learning curve I'm a tulip in a cup I stand no chance of growing up I'm resigned to sail on through In the wake of tales of you I root for you, I love you Valentine, Fiona Apple

young and flawed adolescent love you can't grow out of yeah. dirkjake epilogues enough said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No matter which way you go No matter which way you stay You're out of my mind, out of my mind Out of my mind, out of my mind I was walking with a ghost I said please, please don't insist Walking with a Ghost, Tegan and Sara

it would be corny if i took any time to explain this one. it's about a ghost you can't exorcise that lives in your mind

So much comin' in I do not know where to begin I just follow the lead you're pulling And I get lost in your trail So much more to tell You just ask me if I'm doing well But I do not know what the hell I just swallow hard And I wake up in a cold sweat on your ceiling Terrified of what your love's revealing Black Diamonds, Big Thief

me whenever i hear any song about how love is frightening and confusing and it exposes things about yourself you don't know how to cope with: haha dirkjake moment

*edit oh my god how could i forget this one. the dirk strider song to end them all. i must sneak this corny one into the mix. it needs no explanation

[shattered-glow]

Today is the 1 year AO3 anniversary of Slow Show by @mia-ugly. I am beyond grateful that this experience (and it is an experience) has existed in my life for a year and felt it needed commemorating. 🎂  

I’m not a creator but I made this playlist for me, so I could take the fic with me, have it with my eyes closed, while driving -- you get it. Today seems like an appropriate day to share it. 

It’s a. It’s a lot. Excessive you might even say. Tumblr will only give you the first 100 songs in this, so, Spotify will fulfill you (or overwhelm you). If you hit my username on the playlist, there are separate playlists for each chapter. 

This is also on Apple Music, if that’s your jam, just hit me up and I’ll send you the link. 

🎉 Happy Slow Show Day!! 🎉 

13 pages of track-lists and excerpts below the cut. Godspeed! 💙

Key:

Songs from Mia’s soundtrack

Songs from the Fic

.

--Title--

Slow Show – The National 

_

--Prequel--

Loverman – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds 

Devils – Say Hi 

_

--Chapter 1--

Here I Go Again – Whitesnake 

_

bad guy – Billie Eilish 

-trash a set and shag your husband

_

Something About You (ODESZA Remix) – Hayden James 

-what it would take for Avery Fell to let his guard down

_

A Little Wicked – Valerie Broussard 

-The handkerchief in his hand is now stained purple

_

You Light Me Up In the Dark – The Hounds Below

-His hair catches the light like a halo, making him look more of an angel than ever.

_

Lazarus – David Bowie 

-This could be a problem

_

--Chapter 2--

Unsteady – X Ambassadors

-much easier than talking about the way his heartbeat is still racing

_

Heart of a Dog – The Kills

-Call me darling again.

_

The Twilight Hour - Still Corners

-Looked across the set and thought, Ah fuck me. I’m in love with him.

_

God’s Mistake – Tears for Fears 

-Avery: He’s closed his eyes again, mouth going flat and still.

_

Lounge Act – Nirvana

-Tell her all the terrible things I want to do to her husband

_

Transatlanticism – Death Cab for Cutie

-There’s a strange urgency tonight, though, and Crowley can guess why.

_

Do I Wanna Know? – Arctic Monkeys

-What could it hurt?

_

Clueless – The Marias 

-“Better - yeah. ‘S late.”

_

Motel – Meg Myers

-The hotel room is another disaster

_

--Chapter 3--

Alone in a Room – Asking Alexandria 

-“I’m having a moment here!”

_

Since You’ve Been Around – Rosie Thomas 

-makes Crowley feel like he can breathe again

_

Home Again – The Disco Biscuits 

-It’s starting to feel like home again

_

Every Other Freckle – alt-J

-Perfect. Ridiculous and impossible and perfect.

_

Something For the Longing – The Orchids 

_

As Far As I Can See – Phantogram 

-it’s been a really, really long time

_

Sinister Kid – The Black Keys 

-“Mothering buggering shit-”

_

All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers

-Crowley fists one of his hands against his forehead, shuts his eyes tightly.

_

--Chapter 4--

I Like Me Better – Lauv

-I liked the outline of your face under the stagelights

_

I Do This for You (ft. Marlene) – Giorgio Moroder

-“Let me see what I can do. About your precious Hamlet.”

_

The Longing – Imelda May 

-Avery POV: “Look at him like - like - you can’t let him see the way you look at him.”

_

Just a Man – Los Lobos

-Avery POV: like he’s being led into battle and not onto a set to do the job he loves

_

World In My Eyes – Depeche Mode 

-wants to make that bastard purr

_

Tired (ft. Gavin James) – Alan Walker

-Let me be a magpie for you

_

Blow My Mind – The Benjamin Gate 

-Avery: “I know you now.”

_

Breathe You in My Dreams – Trixie Whitley

-Crowley’s seen that expression on Avery’s face in his dreams

_

Love Me Like That (ft. Carly Rae Jepsen) – The Knocks

-What have I done to - oh. Oh. Right.

_

Like Real People Do - Hozier

-“Sure, angel, what- whatever.”

_

Clearly – Grace VanderWaal 

-Crowley waits for the rest of the night.

_

Gwendel – PeelsDeen 

-Az sits in the back seat, away from Crowley. Alone.

_

Now I’m In It – HAIM

-Avery POV: It’s a look like an open grave, a look like desire tempered with grief…

_

Flesh for Fantasy – Billy Idol

-Crowley isn’t lonely for the rest of the night

_

--Chapter 5 (Avery POV)--

Smalltown Boy – Rosborough 

-1978, Hartlepool

_

Bright Horses – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

-1986, Newcastle Upon Tyne

_

The Runner – Foals

-1991, Bristol

_

Shock To Your System – Tegan and Sara

-Tracy: “Why d’you let them?”

_

Cracking Codes – Andrew Bird

-“Forever, of course. I’ll never -”

_

Colour me In – Damien Rice

-Their fingers - just touch. Slightly.

_

I’m Not in Love – 10cc

-Less to regret by not ever speaking of it.

_

--Chapter 6--

Electric Current – Lower Dens 

-“I’ll let you know when you find it.”

_

Guess I Miss(ed) You – The Daylights

-Keep talking, keep him here a little while longer.

_

Reflecting Light – Sam Phillips 

-“don’t meet his eyes like that, it looks like it’s a lead-in to a kiss”

_

King of Pain – The Police

-a good reminder of the kind of life he’s got to live

_

I Wanna Get Better – The Bleachers

-and Avery’s gaze is so gentle it hurts a bit

_

Feather – X Ambassadors 

-Avery: “Someone has to”

_

Darker Side - Jonny Lang

-Avery: “Oh - good Lord.”

_

Firestone (Acoustic) – Conrad Sewell 

-“Will you show me?”

_

Velvet Gloves and Spit - Timber Timbre 

-“Anthony - ”

_

Wrong – Depeche Mode

-Avery: “I have to go.”

_

F**k it I love you – Lana Del Rey 

-“Not your fault, angel”

_

--Chapter 7--

Somebody to Love – Queen 

_

Heavenly – Cigarettes After Sex 

-“I fucking still.”

_

Will Do - TV on the Radio

-“You too. I’ll see you there.”

_

Monster – Colours

-No wonder Avery ran off like a thief after a heist

_

Swallow My Pride – Ramones 

-“I feel fucking ill about it.”

_

I Was Wrong - The Oh Hellos

-Avery: “I’m the one who has to apologize, not you.”

_

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret – Queens of the Stone Age

-Avery: “Please don’t tell anyone”

_

Wait for Me – Kings of Leon

-Avery: “Right now, I’m just - a bit in pieces.”

_

Don’t Stay – X Ambassadors 

-“You can - stay or leave or - whatever you like.”

_

The Moth - Aimee Mann

-Avery’s eyes meet his, and then it’s like a car accident

_

Red Door – Julien Baker 

-“I can - I can wait longer.”

_

Can’t Pretend - Tom Odell

-“I wasn’t apologizing for that. This morning. I won’t.”

_

Come Down to Me – Saving Jane

-Avery: “You were wonderful”

_

Secret Smile – Semisonic

-And if sometimes he catches Az watching him between takes

_

I Want More - KALEO

-Az laces both of their hands together, stares at them.

_

I’m Gonna Do My Thing – Royal Deluxe 

-“So don’t tell me what will hurt me. I know what hurts.”

_

--Chapter 8--

Perfect Day – Lou Reed 

_

Remember to Breathe – Sturgil Simpson

-“You can’t sit in the car all night you absolute nightmare”

_

Wild Love (Acoustic) – James Bay

-The two of them stare at each other and then both look away awkwardly.

_

Seasons – Future Islands

-finally, fucking finally, he’s exactly where he wants to be

_

Closer – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “if you like”

_

I Want All of You – The Verve Pipe 

-“If you think I can survive this without looking at you -”

_

Use Me – Miguel

-whatever he sees in Crowley’s face makes him come to some sort of decision

_

So Much Love – Depeche Mode

-Love, he said love

_

Don’t Be Scared, I Love You – Bill Ryder-Jones

-I know you, Crowley wants to say, but doesn’t.

_

Become My Dream – Silya & The Sailors 

-“Even if - anything, angel.”

_

I Belong In Your Arms – Chairlift

-For nearly two weeks it goes like this.

_

Faster - Matt Nathanson

-“You’re going to fucking kill me, angel -”

_

Come Together (feat. Sivu) – LAUREL

-In case you think they don’t wake up together

_

The High – Kelela

-Az has pulled a stool over to the edge of the tub

_

Just in Time – Valerie June

-Then Az’s hand is on his shoulder, turning him around.

_

I Can’t Take It – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “Don’t rush, just - like this.”

_

Like This – Jake Scott

-Avery murmurs and it takes Crowley back to their first kiss

_

Terrible Love – The National

-Flinches away from him.

_

Help You Out - Emarosa

-And he nods.

_

--Chapter 9--

I Remember You – Ramones

-The first person Crowley loved was a liar.

_

Brighter Skies - Race Banyon

-As if they were cut with a jigsaw, as if they were meant to fit.

_

Not Tonight – Tegan and Sara

-When they reach the edge of the city, his hand slides out of Crowley’s.

_

As Sure as I Am – Crowded House

-So Crowley kisses him.

_

A Promise – Miriam Makeba

-And for awhile, he believed her.

_

Mistaken for Strangers – The National

-They’re only two small words, but they still make Crowley’s teeth ache.

_

Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye – Leonard Cohen

-“Good-“ Swallow, speak, leave.

_

The Fear – Pulp

-Crowley should have been smarter this time. He really should have been.

_

Take Me – Leela James 

-“I’d like you to close your blinds.”

_

Whenever You Want It – Clare Maguire 

-“What do we do now?”

_

At My Weakest – James Arthur 

-“It will be.”

_

Komm zurück - Fotos

-For years and years and years, nothing did.

_

Come on Get Higher – Matt Nathanson

-their feet sliding in the tub

_

Lay Down – Sarah Proctor

-I want to wake up with you.

_

Sort Of - Ingrid Michaelson

-Why is my heart breaking?

_

Fairytale of New York – The Pogues 

-Just pump that shit straight into his veins.

_

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? – Ella Fitzgerald

-Avery: “What do you think?”

_

We’re Gonna Have A Real Good Time Together – The Velvet Underground

-“You want to grab dinner somewhere?” 

_

Hiding – IAN SWEET

-Crowley stops walking. Looks at Az in the darkness.

_

Romance Dawn – Radkey

-A slice of light cuts through the darkness.

_

Crown of Love – Arcade Fire

-Crowley feels like the world has never been darker, and his heart will never stop beating

_

Devil’s Backbone – The Civil Wars

-He thought he was ready for this conversation, but at the sight of Az’s face, his throat has gotten too tight to speak.

_

Sinners – Lauren Aquilina 

-“If this all goes down in flames, if it all falls apart - we can go off together.”

_

Please Forgive Me (Song of the Crow) – William Fitzsimmons 

-Avery: “It’s over. I’m - I’m so sorry.”

_

Start a War – The National

-He twitches and trips and yet somehow manages to walk away without falling over.

_

Broken – Daley

-And this soft heartache was somehow the sharpest of them all.

_

--Chapter 10 (Avery POV)--

Daily Battles - Thom Yorke & Flea

-He tries to remember these things - but the background is still a chorus of beeping machines. There’s nowhere he can be but here. 

_

Everybody Wants You - Red Hearse

-Go out and surround himself with people much more interesting and available than Avery. Better people, certainly.

_

A Thin Line – Blackchords

-But still - roads not taken, and other fun middle-aged spirals.

_

My Own Soul’s Warning - The Killers

-When was the last time someone asked Avery that? When was the last time he asked himself?

_

Who Am I - NEEDTOBREATHE

-I miss you.  There. It didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would. 

_

Wait for Me - Jack Curley 

-What he wants to say is ‘don’t find someone else. Not yet. You and your black leather and your cut-glass profile: you’re gorgeous and God knows other people want you.’ 

_

Coming & Going – Amaal 

-“Two ships passing in the night,” he says quietly.  Then he takes a swallow of wine, lets it roll down his throat. “If you were here -” 

_

Iron - Woodkid

-Crowley leaves him there, pressed against the wet brick wall.  Crowley leaves him there.  Crowley steps between Avery and a camera, and then leaves him.

_

The Greatest Bastard - Damien Rice

-He can’t be the person that kicks Crowley into the ashes again. He can’t hurt him like this, and Avery’s going to hurt him - he already has. 

_

No Right to Love You – Rhys Lewis

-He deserves someone like - like Daniel. Deserves to be loved in the daylight.

_

If It’s Hurting You - Robbie Williams

-Time is a tricky business when you’re dying slowly; it skips like a flat stone on a quiet lake.

_

Happy For You – Gayle 

-But surely - surely he’s allowed just this much. Just one message, just so Crowley knows that - that he’s happy for him. That Avery is so happy.

_

I See You (ICU) - Phoebe Bridgers

-When Avery sees Crowley on the red carpet, it feels like the sudden remembrance of a lovely dream.

_

Once In My Life - The Decemberists

-Crowley: “I know there’ve been some - hard times. That’s - that is what it is. But for me - it’s been a privilege. A dream. So.” He nods and nods and nods again. “Thank you.”

_

Coming Down - Dum Dum Girls

-Tracy: “But I wasn’t. I was hurting you. This whole time, Az.”  She shakes her head, wiping frantically at tears that won’t stop falling. “He loves you.”

_

I Don’t Know Anything – Little Voice Cast

-He’s afraid of finding out that all this time - he was doing the wrong thing anyway. He’s afraid that Anthony Crowley will never talk to him again.

_

Sweet Sour - Band of Skulls

-"And you're fired"

_

Heart Attack - Devarrow

-The sun is still rising when Avery gets out of the car, closes the door behind him. Though some of the roads have changed, his feet still know the way down to the docks of his youth. He was never a sailor, but the shoreline is familiar as a childhood sweetheart, as a long lost love. 

_

Landslide - Robyn Sherwell

-He’s alone, and he’s nearly fifty years old. He could get on a ship, he could throw himself into the sea. There’s no one holding him back anymore. 

_

All I Can - Sharon van Etten

-And he knows. He knows.

_

--Chapter 11-- 

Salvation - The Strumbellas

- there’s a moment where he swears he sees a young idiot in black standing in the crowd. Red hair gelled up into spikes, black t-shirt full of holes and safety pins. A young man who has no idea how much he’s about to lose.

_

Soldier - Fleurie

-And he’s still fucking here.

_

Easier – Mansionair

-Then he gets the fuck above ground and he calls Beez (oh great, they’re his emotional-support-asshole now. That’s healthy).

_

Deep End – Holly Humberstone  

-“I brought you cheese,” Beez says, and Crowley starts crying.

_

Falling Short – Lapsley

-For the next few days, he lets his stupid body do what it needs to do to keep himself upright.

_

Chariot (Stripped Version) - Gavin DeGraw

-Shit, this was a bad bad idea. 

_

Quiet Light - The National

-There’s a text from Az later that night, and his name on Crowley’s phone makes him feel like jumping off a cliff.

_

All That We Had is Lost - Postiljonen

-He’s not allowed to be in love with that man anymore. Wasn’t ever, really.

_

Heal - Tom Odell

-It makes a rather hysterical laugh well out of his throat. Anthony fucking Crowley. You are still alive. 

_

Let Me Go - HAIM 

-Crowley tries to ignore the soft, injured expression on the other man’s face as he turns away.

_

A Beginning Song - The Decemberists

-“What’s more frightening than having a choice?”

_

The Spark - William Prince

-And he likes to think he would have just burned the world to ashes with the power of his love, would have said fuck everyone, I choose you – but who knows. 

_

Sharp Scratch - The Slow Show

-So stupid, I know, and I’m - sorry, I still love you and I’m tryin’ to stop and I will I just - needed to tell you that. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. Just miss you.

_

Beautiful & Brutal – Plested

-Crowley moves without thinking. Falls like a stagelight, glass everywhere. He walks forward and is kissing Az before the door has even been pulled shut.

_

Bad Chemistry - Fake Shark

-“I’ve been - thinking about this -” Az says between darts of his tongue against Crowley’s overheated skin.

_

All We Do – Oh Wonder

-“But I - I love you. And I can’t -  hide. It hurts too much.”

_

Broken Strings - James Morrison (ft Nelly Furtado)

-“I wouldn’t survive it. That way it was. I wouldn’t.”

_

Stole the Show – Parson James

-But even on their distant shores, Crowley and Az don’t stop looking at each other. It feels like an ending. Maybe it is one. Not a happy ending, but not a bad one either.

_

Level Up - Vienna Teng

-excerpt from Anthony Crowley: Out of the shadows, under the spotlight

_

The Wire (Alternate Version) – Patrick Droney 

-Avery: “I’m rather in - in love with you.”

_

Sweet Thing - Van Morrison

-“You can stay at my place. If you like.”

_

Falling in Love - Cigarettes After Sex

-“I love you. I’ve missed you, and I love you, and I want you -”

_

Stay - Cat Power

-He watches the slow flicker of awareness in Avery’s blue eyes. The curve of his mouth into a shade of smile that Crowley’s never seen before.

_

Freedom - George Michael

-“To the world.”

_

--Chapter 12--

Banks - NEEDTOBREATHE

-What he wasn’t used to was bringing someone else down with him, and jail would be a bloody blessing compared to seeing Az grey-faced and staring out windows, or that one time Crowley’s pretty sure the man was crying in the bathroom, trying to swallow down the sound so that Crowley didn’t notice (he clenches his hands into fists just thinking about it).

_

Black Mambo - Glass Animals

-“It’ll have to be.” Crowley drops to his knees. “There’s a lot of ground to cover.” 

_

Florets - Grace VanderWaal

-Crowley can let his fingers curl against Az’s palm, can watch him open as a flame, not caring who notices.

_

Sight of the Sun - fun.

-That this longing won’t destroy him, and won’t destroy Az either. It’s not a shovel for burying Crowley alive - it’s a spade for planting things.

_

Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground

-Az drops his hand onto Crowley’s knee (“What is this song? I rather like it.”).

_

Only Everything (Acoustic) – Quinn Lewis

-“It’s nice to have someone make it for you, right? Sometimes,” Crowley says softly, too much love in his throat and in his hands. It’s hard to breathe around it, especially when Avery is looking at him.

_

The Book of Love - The Magnetic Fields

-“You bought a cottage for us.” Crowley is an animal being taught to speak through scraps of meat and electric shocks. “This cottage.”

_

Say You’ll Be Mine – Christopher Cross

-Avery: “But if you wanted -” Fuck, there are tears in Avery’s eyes. “If you want. I’d like to call you my husband. I’d like to say ‘let me ask my husband,’ or ‘I brought my husband with me’ or ‘my husband won a BAFTA’.”

_

Anthem - Leonard Cohen

-Their broken edges match. And somehow, the light still shines through.

_

Precious Love – James Morrison

-When the light catches them both, they shine. And so do you. So do we.

_

Good Man (acoustic) - Josh Ritter

_

_

If you made it this far...wow, hi hello. So, this is ours and my musical exposure is limited, if you’ve got a better song for an excerpt, feel free to shoot it over, more than happy for this to be a living changeable thing. 🤡 

[gentleranium]

Loki(s): A Mini Playlist

Including songs from episode 2 ("Holding Out for a Hero") and episode 3 ("Demons").

"I'm Not Your Hero" - Tegan and Sara

I'm not their hero

But that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave

I never walked the party line

Doesn't mean that I was never afraid

I'm not your hero

But that doesn't mean we're not one and the same

"Running Up That Hill" - Placebo

You don't want to hurt me,

But see how deep the bullet lies.

Unaware I'm tearing you asunder.

Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts.

Is there so much hate for the ones we love?

Tell me, we both matter, don't we?

"House Burn Down" - King Princess

Oh whoa-oh, and I'm just waiting for this house to burn down Oh whoa-oh, and I'm just waiting for my luck to run out, ah-ah

"You're a Fucking Joke" - Bec Sandridge

Go, gotta leave this town And break these columns down Oh I'm holding from your skin And don’t let the fucker in.

"Holding Out for a Hero" - Bonnie Tyler

Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy Somewhere just beyond my reach there's someone reaching back for me

"When I Grow Up" - Garbage

When I grow up I'll be stable When I grow up I'll turn the tables

"Gun" - CHVRCHES

Did it make you feel so clever Did you wear it on your sleeve Did you see another lifetime Where I was not a part so far entwined

"Demons" - Hayley Kiyoko

Please, forgive me, I've got demons in my head (in my head) Please, forgive me, I've got demons in my head Tryna eat me, tryna feed me lies until I'm dead ('til I'm dead) Please, forgive me, I've got demons in my head (in my head)

"I Eat Boys Like You for Breakfast" - Ida Maria

You've got a striking physique Don't underestimate the hunter Let's play hide and seek You came to my island You stepped on my lawn

"Gasoline" - Halsey

And all the people say You can't wake up, this is not a dream You're part of a machine, you are not a human being

Additional tracks:

"Going to Hell" - The Pretty Reckless

Father did you miss me,

Been locked up a while.

I got caught for what I did but took it all in style.

Laid to rest all my confessions I gave way back when.

Now I'm versed in so much worse,

So I am back again, and he said

"Purge the Poison (feat. Pussy Riot)" - MARINA & Pussy Riot

Need to purge the poison from our system

Until human beings listen

Tell me, who do you think you are?

It's your own decision

But your home is now your prison

You forgot that, without me, you won't go far

"Bulletproof" - La Roux

I won't let you turn around

And tell me now, I'm much too proud

To walk away from something when it's dead

"Born to Run" - Bruce Springsteen

The highways jammed with broken heroes

On a last chance power drive

Everybody's out on the run tonight

But there's no place left to hide

"Cherry Bomb" - The Runaways

Can't stay at home, can't stay at school

Old folks say, "You poor little fool"

Down the streets I'm the girl next door

I'm the fox you've been waiting for

[sarahworm]

lyctoral screaming: a locked tomb playlist

A playlist for lyctors and their cavaliers. Most of the songs don't represent any specific character - I just tried to capture the breadth and depth of possible feelings when your relationship is...that.

Spotify link.

Songlist and accompanying lyric snippets under the cut:

1. Sleigh Bells, Baptism by Fire

You better take my advice while I'm calm still When your dream is made of everything you're afraid of

2. Panic! At The Disco, This is Gospel

If you love me let me go Cause these words are knives that often leave scars

3. VACAY, Shaky Hands

I'm going under in the sinking sand Yeah, I would die to feel you care again

4. REGN, Watr

Take me to the water You can hold me under

5. Fall Out Boy, Sugar, We're Goin Down

I'll be your number one with a bullet A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it

6. Emily Warren, How It Ends

Well, you're not gonna like the story if you know how it ends

7. Glass Cactus, Anastasia

You know that I will stay here when she Goes

8. Tegan and Sara, Faint of Heart

Everyone will tell us Alone that we are better off

9. Marianas Trench, The Killing Kind

But deep stares back, speaks to me "I know my love can be The killing kind"

10. The Weekend Run Club, Always

When you go where I can't follow I'll still sing for you, my love

11. Noah Reid, Apollo

But I don't want to know why you do it I don't want to know I don't want to know

12. Lauren Aquilina, Sinners

And how can you expect me not to eat When the forbidden fruit tastes so sweet?

So lets be sinners to be saints

13. Snow Patrol, On/Off

I was afraid to tell you some things But some things all find a way to get told

14. SAINTE, Technicolor

Please don't wake me up, I'm dreaming in technicolor Feel your heart beating the rhythm is like no other

15. Ludo, Love Me Dead

Her body is my coffin I know she drains me slowly

16. Bear Attack!, Carnivore

You're nothing but a monster And I was your prey, carnivore

17. Pim Stones, We Have It All

All my life I've been heading for hell But never had I thought I'd drag you down as well

18. The Wldlfe, Forgive & Forget

Cause you know I'm gonna fall apart when I'm driving back home Cause all we used to be is now buried in snow

[joementa]

Pride

In honor of June being Pride Month, I decided to put together a playlist of some of my favorite musicians who identify as LGBTQ+.  I hope you enjoy it.

Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/pride/pl.u-GgA52yVhbxpoLq

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5Adt5VJpuvqrN4DDEjEemK?si=oD2EWVo2T52NeHi1zRyCzg

Against Me! – “Black Me Out” (Transgender Dysphoria Blues)

Sleater-Kinney – “Worry With You” (Path Of Wellness)

Bob Mould – “Voices In My Head” (Patch The Sky)

Angel Olsen – “Shut Up Kiss Me” (MY WOMAN)

Melissa Etheridge – “Come To My Window” (Yes I Am)

Janelle Monae – “Make Me Feel” (Dirty Computer)

Alabama Shakes – “Hang Loose” (Boys & Girls)

Brandy Clark – “Drinkin’, Smokin’, Cheatin’” (Big Day In A Small Town)

St. Vincent – “Down” (Daddy’s Home)

Sam Smith – “Stay With Me” (In The Lonely Hour)

girl in red – “Serotonin” (if I could make it go quiet)

Pet Shop Boys – “Suburbia” (Please)

Tegan And Sara – “Stop Desire” (Love You To Death)

Fergie – “Big Girls Don’t Cry” (The Dutchess)

Frank Ocean – “Pink + White” (Blonde)

Brandi Carlile – “The Joke” (By The Way, I Forgive You)

Little Richard – “Good Golly Miss Molly”

David Bowie – “Changes” (Hunky Dory)

R.E.M. – “I Believe” (Life’s Rich Pageant)

Elton John – “Rocket Man” (Honky Chateau)

[marigoldbaker]

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/42wZ51TgoyxD4xv0xPblT7?si=fOBdq5sJRjSWyGEcyvogXQ)

@angelinthefire and a very nice anon asked about my calendiles playlist, so here it is! i put some feels-specific lyrics under the cut because every song on this playlist has a very different giles/jenny vibe (except for the bay city rollers cover of i only want to be with you, which i really only put on because i take one line from one episode as rupert giles gospel).

i posted a version of this about two years ago, but. it’s been a while since then. now: thirty songs, nearly two hours, AND over the last five-ish years, i have organized this thing so that the mood loosely follows the canon trajectory of giles and jenny’s relationship!

(PLEASE talk to me about this playlist you will make my DAY. or give me song recs! that is welcome as well!)

1. friday i’m in love (the cure)

i don’t care if monday’s blue / tuesday’s grey and wednesday too / thursday i don’t care about you / it’s friday i’m in love

2. there she goes (the la’s)

there she goes / there she goes again / and i just can’t contain / this feeling that remains

3. she’s so high (tal bachman)

first class and fancy-free / she’s high society / she’s got the best of everything / what could a guy like me ever really offer?

4. would you be so kind (dodie)

oh, would you be so kind / as to fall in love with me? you see i’m trying / i know you know that i like you / but that’s not enough, so if you will / please fall in love

5. stop desire (tegan and sara)

i can’t deny, i’m begging for attention / dropping hints, hoping for some tension / getting tired of making all this racket / waiting on you to get your ass in gear

6. i won’t say i’m in love (hercules)

who’d you think you’re kidding? / he’s the earth and heaven to you / try to keep it hidden / honey, we can see right through you

7. accidentally in love (counting crows)

how much longer will it take to cure this? / just to cure it ‘cause i can’t ignore it if it’s love

8. i only want to be with you (bay city rollers)

‘cause you’ve started somethin’, can’t you see / that ever since we met, you’ve had a hold on me?

9. must have done something right (relient k)

we should get jerseys / ‘cause we make a good team / but yours would look better than mine / ‘cause you’re out of my league

10. give your heart a break (demi lovato)

the day i first met you / you told me you never fall in love / but now that i get you / i know fear is what it really was

11. jackie and wilson (hozier)

she blows outta nowhere, roman candle of the wild / laughing away through my feeble disguise / no other version of me i’d rather be tonight / and lord, she found me just in time

12. collide (howie day)

i’m open, you’re closed / where i’ll follow, you’ll go / i worry i won’t see your face / light up again

13. louisa (lord huron)

do you know what loneliness does to a man? / turn him into the walking dead / i may have died, but your lovin’ raised me

14. manchester (kishi bashi)

oh hello / will you be mine? / i haven’t felt this alive in a long time

15. love don’t come easy (the moody blues)

but then again / i don’t think i’ve ever looked / had the time to spare / the will to share with you

16. between my teeth (orla gartland)

you need me, i don’t need you / just admit it / admit it / oh, i’m too broken to fix you too / i admit it / i admit it

17. i couldn’t be your friend (tegan and sara)

now you wanna say i was a liar / led you astray, i won’t deny it / i did what they thought would be good for me

18. supercut (lorde)

and in my head / the visions never stop / these ribbons wrap me up / but when i reach for you / there’s just a supercut

19. fuel on the fire (bear’s den)

there’s a demon in the server / and histories we cannot erase / you’re so close and so far away / you’re so close now

20. s.o.s (abba)

where are those happy days / they seem so hard to find / i try to reach for you / but you have closed your mind

21. the story of us (taylor swift)

oh, a simple complication / miscommunications lead to fallout / so many things that i wish you knew / so many walls up, i can’t break through

22. she lit a fire (lord huron)

i have been trying to find her, wanna give all i’ve got / she lit a fire and now she’s in my every thought

23. agape (bear’s den)

so tell me how long, love, before you go / and leave me here on my own / i know it / i don’t wanna know who i am without you

24. i’ll be waiting (adele)

please forgive me for my sins / yes, i swam dirty waters, but you pushed me in

25. breakfast at tiffany’s (deep blue something)

i see you, the only one who knew me / but now your eyes see through me / i guess i was wrong

26. all this and heaven too (florence + the machine)

but for all my education, i can’t seem to command it / and words are all escaping and coming back all damaged / and i would put them back in poetry if i only knew how / i can’t seem to understand it

27. fidelity (regina spektor)

i never loved nobody fully / always one foot on the ground / and by protecting my heart truly / i got lost in the sounds

28. the night we met (lord huron)

i had all and then most of you / some and now none of you / take me back to the night we met

29. vanilla twilight (owl city)

i’ll watch the night turn light blue / but it’s not the same without you / because it takes two to whisper quietly

29. world spins madly on (the weepies)

and everything that i said i’d do / like make the world brand new / and take the time for you / i just got lost / and slept right through the dawn / and the world spins madly on

30. i will follow you into the dark (death cab for cutie)

no blinding light / or tunnels to gates of white / just our hands clasped so tight / waiting for the hint of a spark

[mxmeiyun]

I was tagged by @dark-yuri​ (thanks alex!) to do a thing, so here’s the thing! answers are supposed to be only in song titles, which is always fun. (also please forgive my indecisiveness.)

what's your gender: Secrets by Deep Sea Diver

if you could go anywhere: I Know a Place by MUNA (jk), Into the Wild by Wrabel, or Take Me to the Sea by Shake Shake Go

your best friend: Dear Fellow Traveler by Sea Wolf or Somebody Loves You by Betty Who

favorite time of the day: Midnight by Tyler Glenn

if your life was a tv show: She Blinded Me With Science by Thomas Dolby (lol) but also Not Worth Hiding by Alex the Astronaut

also the fact that none of these are Tegan and Sara songs probably means I hit my head or something.

I’m bad at thinking up people to tag bc weird internet social anxiety thing I guess so y’all can knock yourselves out if you so choose

[clumsyclifford]

4/??: Trouble is: this one sounds more like a plea to an old lover to let him go? like he’s asking the person and himself to let him go bc he still loves them and he doesnt want to but he doesWake up sunshine: i like the drums and the chorus. i like that it sounds like he’s speaking to the audience and telling them that everything okay and to remember that they have someone in their corner to be there for them

Monsters: its heavier sounding and i like the drum/bass beat. it sounds angrier which goes with the lycris and its an interesting turn before the interlude bc it diverts from the romantic light sound of the other 6 songs and even though he seems upset with the person he loves he still loves thempretty venom: i like this as an interlude. it sounds like a reflection and it’s a good pause after the angry tone of monsters while holding the themes of it and sounding like he’s reflecting on where to

firstly, trouble is CRACKS seriously name ONE thing sexier than a verse in 13/4 and a chorus in 6/8. wake up sunshine? also bops. monsters? GIVE me that blackbear feature god i love it. now this is an unpopular opinion please dont doxx me but pretty venom is....actually my least favorite on the album NOT because i think it’s a bad song, its NOT, just because it is SO slow compared to the rest of the album. like wus was really marketed as an album to blast with your windows down driving down the highway or whatever and it is absolutely perfect for that EXCEPT for pretty venom it slows the album down so much. i like it but i wish it werent on this specific album

6: favorite place: i like that he’s saying that his favorite place is the person and being with them. and that he wants them there when he’s feeling low safe: this one sounds to me like it goes with wake up sunshine and melancholy kaleidoscope bc its talking about the listener getting away to feel better. it sounds like it’s telling you to let go of the past and move forward

favorite place oh you mean the most beautiful love song of all time??? “you feel like the sun on my face” holy shit that line decked me and i just LET it. god what a good fucking song plus the camino feature?? iconic. ETA FORGOT TO ACKNOWLEDGE SAFE IM SO SORRY SAFE I LOVE THAT SONG SO MUCH god when the chorus hits my heart SOARS also my particular opinion on safe is that there should be a key change in the last chorus. just listen to that break between the end of the bridge and the beginning of the final chorus and TELL me you dont think there should be a key change there like IMAGINE THE POWER

7: January gloom: i like the tying of the feelings of sadness to the seasons and how it being gloomy outside ties to feeling sad but that the person is the sunshine he needs to combat the outside world Clumsy: this one sounds like an apology for something he did and that he’s asking for forgiveness for what he’s done but also that they should have seen it coming that they couldn’t work together bc of other reasons like who they are. but this one might be top 3 on the album bc i love the ending

january gloom is a whole bop and so is clumsy!!!! fun fact that is actually where half of my url comes from i dont think most people actually know that bc on a glance it just looks like im calling michael clumsy which,,,fair enough,,,,,plus theres no mention of atl in my bio or anything i should change that but anyway yeah. my url is clumsy the song. so

8: glitter&crimson: i like the metaphors in this one like he’s saying that they’re two special things that belong together (supernova vs 4 clover) also that he makes it sound like she’s the luck he needs and that he needs her now but that he wants to be together before it ends Summer daze: i like this being the second part of january but that it sounds like the upbeat summer vs the gloom of january. it sounds summery and sweet but theres the edge of sadness that he doesnt want the summer or love

oh fun fact glitter & crimson is actually a song about the Gays!! he said this for Apple Music:

“To me, this song is about two characters who are deeply in love, whose love is not allowed to be that by [a certain] society. They’re gay, and they don’t feel like they’re accepted in their own skin for who they are, or for who they want to love. It’s a cry out to seize that power back and saying, ‘No. You don’t get to dictate how we live our lives.’ Obviously, I can’t speak to that, being a straight guy, but I know a lot of people who live that experience every day. And it was something that felt very meaningful that I wanted to address for them because they can’t [in this way]. They aren’t songwriters.”

i was initially kinda like hm.......hmmm.....but ultimately i feel like he a little confused but he got the spirit. (when he said that gays cant address this bc they arent songwriters tho like alex.....you know gay songwriters exist right??? may i introduce you to fletcher. kehlani. hayley kiyoko. troye sivan. the way they LITERALLY did a song with tegan and sara on lyr- i just. anyway. he means well.) AND additionally i would like to say that i fucking love summer daze GOD the distortion on those guitars chef’s kiss

9: basement noise: this sounds like a closer in the way that some kind of disaster sounds like an opener to the story. it sounds like a reflection of something thats over and that he’s nostalgic for what was. this one sounds like its not just about love but about the band and what things used to be. And this has been my track by track review

omg.....i never thought about it as like the ending to a story that skod begins but youre kinda right it starts and ends with looking back wow i fucking love that. fucking LOVE it. basement noise is so lovely like the emotion is evokes is just. wow.

thank you for this track by track i thoroughly enjoyed it

[ollypopwrites]

SI was tagged by @wlwcaradune sorry this is so late thank you for tagging me!!!

Rules: spell out your url with song titles, answer the quarantine questions, and bold the things that apply - then tag 10 people

Literally just took these straight from my spotify likes:

T- The Ballad of Grim and Lily - Bree Sharp

H - Hunger -- Florence and the Machine

E - Eyes -- Rogue Waves

S - Shenanigans -- Jasiah ft. Yung Bans

E- Easy Tiger -- Kelsy Karter

F - Famous Last Words -- My Chemical Romance

L - Leave -- Steve Kazee (From the Once soundtrack)

E - Enjoy the Silence -- Depeche Mode

S -- Savage Remix -- Meg Thee Stallion feat. Beyonce

H -- Heaven Help Me -- Lizzo

F - Flowers -- The Hadestown Soundtrack

A- Are You Ten Years Ago -- Tegan and Sara (also PVRIS has a cover of this song that SLAPS)

I- i carry your heart -- Eric Whitacre 

L- Like Real People Do -- Hozier

U- Used to Love you -- Yuna and Jhené Aiko 

R - Rodeo -- Lil Nas x feat. Cardi B

E - Empire Line -- The National

S - sex money feelings die -- Lykke Li

Quarantine asks :

• Where are you isolated?

Isolated with my boyfriend in our studio apartment. We are going stir crazy lmao.

• What are you currently reading or watching?

Not reading anything yet, but I should start! We are watching Vikings from History channel.

• If you can go outside, what do you like to do during this time?

We live by the beach so we will walk down there. They just opened them again so we will walk the paths. 

• Any fascinating concept you’re studying?

Self-love. Lmao. But really I’m a film minor so learning film language is always really cool.

• What kind of acts of creativity / forms of art are you currently doing?

I’ve been writing quite a bit, making moodboards for myself and taking some photographs!

• A song that resonates with your state of mind at the moment?

The Wait for Me Reprise from Hadestown is really hitting hard rn lol. 

Now the dog you really got to dread Is the one that howls inside your head It's him whose howling drives men mad And a mind to its undoing

and 

You got a lonesome road to walk It ain't along the railroad track And it ain't along the black-top tar You've walked a hundred times before I'll tell you where the real road lies: Between your ears, behind your eyes That is the path to Paradise Likewise, the road to ruin

really hit me in the “overcoming learned behaviors” department as im trying to learn to love myself and forgive myself

• Favorite impulsive / “bad” coping techniques?

I really have no control when a hyperfixation hits as a coping mechanism. Like I need to balance how I spend my time because there are other things I want to accomplish but i get so deep into escapism that I avoid them for whatever is giving me immediate seratonin.

• Favorite healthy / “good” coping techniques?

Reaching out to friends who aren’t involved with those hyperfixations, being a little more active and exploring new interests (even for just a little bit before going back to my obsession lol)

.

A P P E A R A N C E

i’m over 5′5″. i wear glasses/ contacts. i have blonde hair (currently lol). i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing. i have one or more piercings. i have at least one tattoo. i have blue/ green eyes. i have dyed or highlighted my hair. i have gotten plastic surgery. i have or had braces. i sunburn easily. i have freckles. i paint my nails. i typically wear makeup. i don’t often smile. i am pleased with how i look. i prefer nike to Adidas. i wear baseball hats backwards.

H O B B I E S A N D T A L E N T S

i play a sport. i can play an instrument. i am artistic. i know more than one language. i have won a trophy in some sort of competition. i can cook or bake without a recipe. i know how to swim. i enjoy writing. i can do origami. i prefer movies to tv shows. i can execute a perfect somersault. i enjoy singing. i could survive in the wild on my own. i have read a new book series this year. i enjoy spending time with friends. i travel during school or work breaks. i can do a handstand.

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

i am in a relationship. i have been single for over a year . i have a crush. i have a best friend i have known for ten years. my parents are together. i have dated my best friend. i am adopted. my crush has confessed to me. i have a long distance relationship. i am an only child. i give advice to my friends. i have made an online friend. i met up with someone i have met online.

A E S T H E T I C S

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell. i have watched the sunrise. i enjoy rainy days. i have slept under the stars. i meditate outside. the sound of chirping calms me. i enjoy the smell of the beach. i know what snow tastes like. i listen to music to fall asleep. i enjoy thunderstorms. i enjoy cloud watching. i have attended a bonfire. i pay close attention to colors. i find mystery in the ocean. i enjoy hiking on nature paths. autumn is my favorite season.

M I S C E L L A N E O U S

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle. i am the mom friend. i live by a certain quote. i like the smell of sharpies. i am (was) involved in extracurricular activities. i enjoy Mexican food. i can drive a stick-shift. i believe in true love. i make up scenarios to fall asleep. i sing in the shower. i wish i lived in a video game. i have a canopy above my bed. i am multiracial. i am a redhead (I was born blonde but i dye my hair red). i own at least three dogs.

No pressure tags: No pressure!!!!  @tintinwrites @thirsty-flygirl @bisexual-space-slut @brooklynsblurbs and ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO

[youwerewearingallourcoats]

Practiced All My Sainthood- Chapter 1

Here is my New Orleans fic! Basically, the premise is Tegan and Sara escape to New Orleans for a few weeks to finally and completely resolve all their issues with each other and understand their relationship more. It going to be very angsty, a little fluffy, and kinda smutty. Any smut chapters will be marked as so though. I hope you guys enjoy! I am just getting back into writing so please be kind. I know it’s a bit choppy.

Sara

Tegan and I walk into the small apartment we will be sharing for the next few weeks and drop our bags at the door. “Home sweet home!” Tegan chirps. I roll my eyes without thinking. I really don’t want to be here especially for as long as we’re staying but I know it’s for the best. Well...at least I hope so. “Um, earth to Sara. Quit overthinking things! It’s gonna be good and we’re gonna patch everything right up, okay?” Tegan announced, snapping me out of my overwhelming thoughts. All I can feel right now is guilt and fear and anxiety. I don’t know how Tegan can stand there beaming at me when she knows what's about to happen here in this apartment between us. We can make as many stupid rules as we want but we’re going to give in to temptation eventually and end up back at square one, just like always. God, I wish I didn’t agree to this.

“Yeah, alright,” I respond. I pick my luggage back up and drag it behind me as I search the apartment for one of the bedrooms. I see 2 doors to my left past the living room, those are probably it. I walk into the door to my right at the end of the shallow hallway. It’s a large bathroom. I step back out and go through the other door. Here we go, the master! “Hey, dibs on the master bedroom!” I call out. I hear Tegan’s small footsteps coming down the hall behind me. I turn to face her and see she’s got a wide grin on her face. She’s up to no good.

“Guess what?” Tegan said as she snickered.

“What did you do?” I questioned, feeling a little panicked.

“Oops, looks like there's only one bedroom. Guess we’ll have to share” she divulged with an air of sarcasm.

I’m fuming. She fucking knew when she picked this stupid apartment that there was only one room. She did this shit on purpose. She’s setting us up to fucking fail. Does she want the guilt to swallow me for weeks on end? Does she want to test me? Test herself? I don’t care. I’m not indulging in her sick game. This was supposed to be about forgiveness and healing and being at peace with things, not some fucking sick vacation. I feel hot tears well up in my eyes.

“What the fuck Tegan?” I shout, words breaking through like water busting open a dam. “What’s wrong with you? Why the fuck would you ever think this is a good idea? We’re trying to fix the fucking problem not make it worse! You just ruined any chance we had at that now because you decided to be selfish and get us a fucking one bedroom. And don’t you dare play dumb with me and act like you didn’t know, you knew damn fucking well. I can’t believe you. I never should’ve-” I start sobbing before I can finish that last sentence. I watch my words hit her like daggers being thrown. I see the hurt and heartbreak in her eyes as tears begin to fall down her cheeks. She’s just standing there, mouth agape, trying to find the words. Suddenly, I see rage flash in her eyes. She clenches her fists, ready for battle.

“What’s wrong with me?” she screams. “I have done everything for you, Sara! For you! We may have just been physically close for months on that nightmare of a fucking tour but emotionally you might as well have been on the goddamn moon! And I suggest a trip to help us fucking deal with this-this- incest shit and this is the fucking thanks I get? Less than five minutes in you decide to pick a fight because god forbid I get fucking close to precious Sara. God forbid I actually try again! I should know better by now. You ALWAYS do this! ALWAYS! The idea of even being close to me makes you fucking sick! Do you know how that feels? Do you know how bad that hurts? I feel that shit in my fucking soul Sara! So fuck you! Fuck you and fuck this. I haven’t thought about quitting since Glasgow but you’ll be fucking lucky if I choose to stay again this time. This was your last fucking chance and you may have just blown it. So have fun sitting with the fact that you may have just pushed me away permanently. All over a stupid fucking bed.”

Her words hit me like bullets. I feel the blood drain from my face as I fall to the floor and just scream and cry. She storms out of the bedroom and I hear the front door open then slam shut with a fury that is too intense to contain. I don’t know what I’ve done but I know the damage is fucking monumental. She’s right too. To me, that’s the worst part. Fuck, she really meant well with this whole one bedroom thing. I mean it was a little selfish still but she just wants to feel close again... fuck. I need to fix this. I need to get up off this floor before I let the guilt of my words consume me. I slowly start to stand and make my way back out to the living room. I pick Tegan’s luggage up off the floor and drag it into the master bedroom with me. I’ve got to show her I want this. I begin unpacking both of our bags in tandem, putting our shoes in a neat little line, hanging up our clothes and putting all our toiletries in the bathroom. It’s finally starting to feel like home when my stomach drops as I hear the front door open with a creak then quietly click shut. I try to find the words I want to say, the words I need to say, what she needs to hear but I can’t. All I can think is “I’m sorry” and “I love you”. I quietly make my way out of the bedroom to the living room where Tegan stands looking around confusedly. I see that her eyes are bloodshot and her face is swollen from crying.

“Where are my bags?” she asks.

“Oh, um can I show you something?” I croak, barely able to get the words out because of the knot in my throat. She just looks at me blankly. I can tell she’s astonished I haven’t apologized yet. I look at her with pleading eyes and she takes the cue. She nods her head gently so I lead her to the room. We walk in and it’s like a breath of fresh air. Tegan lets out a small gasp before tears begin to stain her cheeks. “Home sweet home” I whispered.

[ifwearestrangers]

All the numbers xo

I kind of hate you but y’all obviously don’t know me if you think I won’t answer them all I LIKE CHALLENGES. 

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up - Save Me - Gotye / Smooth Criminal - Glee Cast (no comment) / Undone - Phoria / West Coast - Lana Del Rey / Six Feet Under - Louis Aguilar

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Ellen Degeneres

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. “Yeah,” he said. The light turned green green. I braced myself. Augustus slammed the gas. 

4) What do you think about most? How much of a failure I am :) and Clexa of course.

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Maybe? probably. 

6) Do you have any strange phobias? Spiders, heights, and opression, like being underwater or unable to breathe? 

7) What’s your religion? Gayness.

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Being with friends, 

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Florence and the Machine, The Cure, Ben Howard, Tegan and Sara, The Killers, Coldplay. 

10) What was the last lie you told? I told my best friend’s girlfriend I didn’t know what was in his head when I know exactly what’s in his head. 

11) Do you believe in karma? I sure do. 

12) What does your URL mean? It means that we’re all strangers here but we ought not to be, which is what brought us all together i guess.

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? weakness, I’d say my low-self esteem, strength, I’d say my kindness. 

14) Who is your celebrity crush? At the moment.. jeez I don’t know! How sad! I’d say Dianna Agron though because I’m always crushing on her. 

15) How do you vent your anger? Talking people’s ears off in general. 

16) Do you have a collection of anything? Playing cards, books, funko pops, tattoos, prints and drawings.

17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become? Not quite yet but I’m getting there, and isn’t being human always striving for improvement? 

18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? I hate the crissing of chalk on a chalboard, ya know? And I love the sound of the rain and really really loud thunder. 

19) What’s your biggest “what if”? What if I had made it work, what if I saw her, what if we were still together? What if I was enough.. 

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes I do believe in people’s soul being stuck between two reincarnations, and aliens? FOR SURE. 

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Right : nothing. Left: my heater. 

22) Smell the air. What do you smell? Pastas because it’s almost diner time! 

23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to? Hm.. toughie. I honestly can’t remember right now. 

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender? Of the opposite gender.. I’d say Chris Martin? But because that’s the only one I can think about right now lmao.

25) To you, what is the meaning of life? Wow, I ain’t got time to lay out my opinion on that, I’ve got too much too say. Long story short, living. Life in itself is insignificant but it’s also the only thing we’ve got so make it count. 

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I do not, but I did crash. My sister was driving and it was the worst memory I have. 

27) What was the last movie you saw? Hm Thor I think? With my sister. 

28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? I have a ernia in my neck from the car crash and honestly? It’s the worst. Chronic pain each time I paint or stand for too long. Absolute delight. 

29) Do you have any obsessions right now? Clexa, my life, my future, faberry, writing music, writing clexa, drawing clexa, painting, my career. 

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Yes, in middle school there was this whole rumor around school that I was gay… SPOILER ALERT. 

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? No, I am an easy forgiver but also because I strive for affection and also because I just cannot stand to be in a fight with someone even if I’m right. I have hold a grudge once in my life against my best friend because she was against same sex marriage in my country but fortunately she came around and voted yes. 

32) What is your astrological sign? Scorpio, passion all around. 

33) What’s the last thing you purchased? A bracelet for my sister’s christmas gift. 

34) Love or lust? Both? Please? They go together. 

35) In a relationship? Painfully not. 

36) How many relationships have you had? Hm.. Serious ones 3. 

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? My firting and my cuteness that I will deny until my dying day. 

38) Where is your best friend? I have severa best friends, and they’re all around the world. Unlucky me. 

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Working on that next clexa thing I’m making and let me tell you guys it’s awesome already. 

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Probably because I try to be the best of friends to people even if I’m far from perfect, but I’m always trying to be better. 

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I SAVE THE FUCKING DOG WHAT THE FUCKING KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT SCREW THE JOB. 

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? seriously though I HAVE ANXIETY PEOPLE DON’T DO THAT. but anyway, as an anxiety full person I’ve thought about this before lmao. a) I’d probably wouldn’t tell them until the very last moment because I know they would act different. b) I would make sure every one of the people I love get what they need, that they’re happy so I can go peacefully. Also I’d sneak in a trip to brazil to tell her goodbye, see my best friend before I go. c) Of course I’d be afraid that I wouldn’t have enough time to make sure everyone’s safe and happy, to say goodbye properly. Afraid I haven’t made the most of it. 

43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? hm.. Just Like Heaven - The Cure. 

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust and communication. (good sex too but ya know, thats just a bonus) 

45) How can I win your heart? Show me any kind of attention and affection I guess? Also my weakness are powerful girls who challenge me, provoke me and flirt hardcore, play hard to get. (But not that hard you get me?) 

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity? I think yes but there’s a very difficult balance to find between the two. 

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? A year ago I would have told you without the shadow of a doubt that it was falling in love with a brazilian girl and crossing the world to be with her but looking back maybe it wasn’t. Then again, I would do it all over again. 

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? “Beloved sister, devoted friend, she saved the world a lot.”

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “heart.” Right now, broken but also hopeful. 

50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors? That kind of cerrulean blue that’s almost green, a little teal but not quite there yet. A soft, gentle cerrulean blue. 

51) What is your current desktop picture? A drawing fll of colors of a forest with wolves. 

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Donald Trump :) 

53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Am I worth it?

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Flying. 

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? When I was up that hill in Brazil. Everything was uncertain but I was spent and on top of the world and for a minute there, I thought I could change it all. 

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? The break-up. The depression that followed. The void in my chest ever since. That feeling of nothingness, of incomplete. Unfinished. The feeling that we are unfinished. 

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? MUSIC ONLY? DAMN. Hayley Kiyoko, then. 

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? New York. 

59) Ever been on a plane? Yes and I love it. Also I’ve been on a plane at night, next to the window, and I saw the milkyway, and that was the most beautiful thing ever. I was seeing the sky underneath me and that’s a feeling I’ll never forget. 

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities. Dianna Agron, Mila Kunis, Gal Gadot, Marie Avgeropoulos, Ruby Rose. 

[c-k-mack]

Carmilla Week Tuesday - Punk vs Rock & Roll: Common Ground A/N I love this duet and i had to include it in this story! *** Apparently, the big cat didn't eat Laura. It went away and Carmilla came home. This is of course the only explanation because there is no such thing as magic or vampires or schools with ancient soul-sucking... "Perr, are you okay? You look like you are about to pass out," LaFontaine said. Lola smiled at them and nodded. "Sorry, I'm just a bit tired. Everyone eat up please." Breakfast was generally a quiet affair, just the way Lola liked it, at least until everyone had partaken of at least one cup of coffee. This morning however… "I still can't believe you think that is music.” Carmilla doesn't ever shout, but she does have a way of expressing vexation in her voice. Laura, on the other hand, pretty much wears her feelings on her sleeves. "Well I can't believe you think that your music stands for anything!" Lola took a deep breath. "I'm afraid to ask, but what are we discussing here?" "Laura was trying to introduce me to her favorite musicians. I would have been okay with Tegan & Sara and even Le Tigre, but I didn't care for Tribe 8 or Team Dresch which she insists are the only bands worth listening to." "Not gonna lie," LaFontaine interjected, "Femme Bitch Top is one of my favorite songs, Team Dresch is okay but they are a little tame for my tastes." Lola made a mental note of that for, you know, best friend reasons. "The point, Carmilla, is that these bands paved the way for feminist and lesbian activist in music." LaFontaine excused themself from the table. "And I'm telling you not to discount the impact of Joan Jett and Melissa Etheridge just because they don't screech enough for you." "Screaming is about passion and anger at the patriarchal system," Laura said, her voice rising in pitch. The chances at a peaceful morning were quickly dissipating. "Now ladies," Lola said. "Let's keep calm. I'm sure there is at least one song or musician that you two can agree on, isn't there?" "I doubt it very much," Laura said crossing her arms. Carmilla rolled her eyes. Silence hung thick in the air until it was broken by beautiful notes from LaFontaine's guitar. A smile broke across Laura's face. "How could I have forgotten our song?" When the time came she sang "We could live forever and suffer." Carmilla grinned and joined on the background. On the second verse, they switched. Lola had heard Laura's beautiful voice before but she was surprised at how much centuries of suffering added to Carmilla's soulful voice. Laura kissed Carmilla by way of apology. "Sometimes, I get so caught up in the fight that I forget we are all on the same team. Forgive me?" "Creampuff, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."