#technically the “secretly a badass” thing actually happened in canon

[frankencanon]

You know what I love?

I love when a fic author takes a side character and turns them into a Secret Badass.

And they'll do it in such a way that it's still somehow at least mostly canon-compliant by having said character act behind the scenes and hide their true skills...for whatever reason.

And the best parts are the reveal scenes where the other characters finally realize how much they've been underestimating them this whole time...!

"Secretly a Badass" is seriously one of my absolute favorite tropes of all time.

[lhpxawol-amalgam]

Popular AWOl Ships in a Nutshell

Long post ahead.

WonderMod

Suwon:

Won x Soomi

Queen of all ships

Intellectual meets philosopher

Funniest couple you will ever meet

Agdjkfdgdaf there’s just so much chemistry

Stans have like written full-length thought-out analyses on this shit

When they dance together it’s the best cause Won can dance like no one’s business and Soomi is just trying her best but they still look awesome together

Gyuju:

Gyuri x Jinju

Both have two siblings

Both play guitar

Both are the two tallest in their group

Both do modern dance

At this point no one knows if the only reason this ship is so popular is cause they just have so much in common

But they do kinda balance each other out

Gyuri’s the drill sergeant and Jinju’s the cheerleader

Hyeju:

Hyerin x Jinju

Leader/maknae stuff, ya know

They’re actually pretty cute together

“Oh my god, they were roommates”

These shippers will never get over the one time Hyerin made Jinju ramen when she was super stressed and helped her to take a break from working

WonderMod stans be like “I ship Hyeju” and LOONA stans be like “but with who tho”

Hareum:

Hanbyeol x Areum

Hanbyeol can cook and Areum loves to eat so

Also lots of dad energy for some reason 

This one’s only as big as it is from that one fanfic “I’m Trapped in a Hareum Anime”

Shenanigan

Sangeun:

Sangwoo x Jaegeun

It’s a duo group

Of course it’s a ship

Generates lots of enemies-to-lovers fanfiction for some reason

Sangwoo’s the flirty one and Jaegeun’s the dapper one so you get all the cute shipping dynamics

AK6

2Woo:

K.O. (Kiwoo) x Woori

“Oh my God, they were roommates”

Scary but weak meets buff but softie 

Honestly could become real

I mean K.O.’s bi so

The fans feel vaguely justified

Uwu

Lites Out:

K.O. x Lite

Ah yes, the ultimate ship war: 2Woo vs. Lites Out

K.O’s stage persona is almost aggressive enough for Lite’s actual personality

Jk she’s soft for like one person and it’s him

Need to host a variety show stat

DeLite:

Lite x Luxe

Ah yes, the ultimate ship war: Lites Out vs DeLite

Fashion king and queen

They got that yin/yang thing going

Watch them like actually get away with murder tho

Labyrinth:

Miro x Luxe 

Ah yes, the ultimate ship war: DeLite vs Labyrinth

The thinking man’s ship

They’re always the ones to sit back and lovingly shake their heads while everyone else does something fun but stupid

No one really sees this ship going anywhere sexual but it’s got all the good memes so

Forget-Me-Not

Hanhwan:

Hanbin x Joohwan

That name tho

Poetry

Absolute softies for each other

If this were a fanfic it’d be a slow burn cause they’re so goddamn oblivious

Hanbin’s a sex-demon on the outside and a cinnamon roll on the inside

Let’s just say people suspect the opposite of Joohwan

Kim Woo:

Kim Gyeong x Siwoo

More leader/maknae

Try and make this one sexy and watch yourself get kicked out of the fandom by angry stans

This is why Forget-Me-Not doesn’t have ship wars

PINEAPPLE

Shinmin:

Shinyoung x Minchul

We don’t know how anyone let this happen

They’re cousins

Like not even distant cousins

I know the internet sucks

Ah yes, the ultimate ship war: Shincest or Mincest

Lots of pining jokes cause gEDDIT they’re in pINEAPPLE

But yeah this one gets all the shame it deserves

a.LOVE

Jangyoung:

Gayoung x Tokki (Jangmi)

Their MV characters have a sorta abusive dynamic so

This one gets a lot of eyebrows raised

But IRL they’re both just trying to out-care for each other

So the fics are either hardcore angst or total fluff 

I would say “oh my God, they were roommates” but they’re all roommates so like

Sungyoung:

Gayoung x Sungmi

The Unpopular Ship™

Oh look it’s another enemies-to-lovers Sungyoung fic

Half the time they’re both j chilling and the other half they’re the literal definition of sexual tension

MiMi:

Tokki (Jangmi) x Sungmi

Technically leader/maknae but like

It feels different

It’s just really cute man what can I say

They’ve got that tsundere/genki girl dynamic going

*insert meme man* Show ALL the affection!

GSG

Yangbin:

Yang x Sebin

All the chemistry, all the feels, and sadly also all the annoying straight girls fetishizing Asian men

But like seriously when they dance together it’s absolutely golden

Yang’s all flowing and expressive and Sebin’s all sharp and aggressive

Kinda matches their personalities too

It’s just sad that so many stans have to be all sasaeng-y about it

AB Yang:

AB Young x Yang

Who wants to bet it’s just for the name huh

But no it’s low-key cute 

You wouldn’t think they’d have too much chemistry at first

They’re like the “don’t match on paper but perfect irl” kinda couple

More platonic vibes than the Yangbin shipping content

Kyunghorang:

Horang x Kyungho

Literally just Sangeun all over again

Everyone wants to protecc our precious maknae Kyungho from bad boy Horang

But they’re actually both really good for each other and Horang just gets him ya know

You know what it is? It’s Good Omens. That’s the dynamic here.

DGRM

Moyeon:

Moya x Doyeon

Also called Doya by people who are stupid

Should really start their own pranking channel

Who’s ready for h/c fanfiction~~~

No but seriously Moya has helped Doyeon through panic attacks a lot

She’s tall so she can fit all the comfort in her

And Doyeon’s short bc

Um

Ok it’s just cute how much taller Moya is compared to Doyeon lol

Duanjung:

Jung-ah x Duanphen

Softies trying to be baddies

Like Yangbin in their dancing styles

So much poking fun at each other it’s not even funny but like it is tho

All the cuddles, all the selcas with cutesy filters

And then BAM new set of teasers comes out and they look sexy as FUCK

Yufang:

JD Fang x Yuyan

No one would’ve shipped it until the behind-the-scenes vid for Midnight Girl came out

And now they’re just weirdos together

They’re like the Sith: One master, one apprentice

Yuyan is the dark mysterious inner core JD wishes she had

And JD is the stability and reasonableness Yuyan has been searching for her whole life

JD Aika:

JD Fang x Aika

It’s 99% because they kissed in a music video

But like COME ON THEY KISSED IN A MUSIC VIDEO

AND NOT HALFHEARTEDLY EITHER

Honestly gorgeous fan art for this couple

Not as much obvious chemistry as some ships but fans are always like “omg thEIR HANDS tOuChEd”

Yiyan:

Yifei x Yuyan

There’s something about whenever they have lines or screen time together that just works

Both trying to soften each other up but in different ways

And usually succeeding

They’re just really good close friends ya know

The kind you could see accidentally developing a crush on each other

RFei:

Yifei x RJ

“Oh my God, they were roommates”

Ultimate good girl/bad girl ship

But secretly they’re both just nervous wrecks

We know Yifei helped comfort RJ a lot after she came out and heard back from her parents so

Get ready for more h/c fic~~~

Ho-J:

RJ x Hoa

The actual baddies

*stifles laugh* hoe-j

Remember the “sugakookie with a cup of tae” jokes? Yeah it’s that bad

They’re both just too sexy for the fans to handle so naturally what better ship could you get it’s just basic math

Also need to host a variety show stat

Triple D:

Duanphen x DaO x Doyeon

It’s a joke ship that some people started taking seriously

Don’t ask, no one has an explanation

SET! (Korean soloists)

JZo:

Jihoon x Zo

Because Jizo is an objectively bad name (ok sure it looks fine but try saying it out loud)

Also occasionally known as Jezus

Lots of uncle energy (?)

Zo would totally be Jihoon’s real life manic pixie dream girl if she wasn’t, ya know, a strong and badass woman with her own agency who also happens to have quirky hair

Mayoon:

May x Hayoon

Ah yes, the ultimate ship war: Do you pronounce it like “May” or like “Hayoon”

Tbh this ship died pretty quickly

Since we’re all pretty sure now that May’s aroace

And like they’re young, we don’t get in the way of their friendship

That iconic answer-your-tweets vid where someone asked “how do you pronounce Mayoon” and Hayoon was just like “you don’t”

But for real they have the BEST FRIENDSHIP HANDS DOWN

PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER

Mesmere

Jaereum:

Jaegeun x Areum

The thing with Mesmere is that there are canonical “couples” in the MVs

Which were decided based on which members were like “yesss I’m so down for this concept” and which ones were like “this could be fun to try I guess”

Jaegeun and Areum fall into the former category

The shippers tend to be very kinky

So much smut but like most of it’s inspired by Mesmere’s original concept so it shouldn’t be surprising 

Is there real chemistry? Who knows? Does it matter? Not to the fans it doesn’t

Robin:

Miro x Hanbin

The “this could be fun to try I guess” gang

Everyone stans bc omg that ship name is adorable

If Jaereum is the “sweet on the outside, sexy on the inside” pair, Robin is the “sexy on the outside, sweet on the inside” pair

This one always throws AK6 and Forget-Me-Not fans for a loop because no one expects them to be THAT SEXY

BUT THEY ARE

Fireflower

Seiko: 

Seori x Teiko

Another tsundere/genki girl ship

Except the genki girl is surprisingly intimidating in that “she’s not scary she’s just hot” way

New fans never expect Seori to be the head-over-heels type

But she is~

Someone make this into an actual book please it would be so cute

Harumi:

Haruna x Mega (Megumi)

1 ball of energy + 1 ball of energy = perfection

No but literally they have so much enthusiasm

They could be a perpetual motion machine where they both just survive off the other’s energy

Opposites attract more like no I love Harumi

Firepower

Junto:

Hiroto x Junya

Obligatory main-vocalist ship

Surprisingly pure ship until you realize you just haven’t looked hard enough

Like seriously it’s all fluff or all smut with this one

Irl they’re fairly cute together but mostly because they’re good friends

Good friends who happen to be very sexy

Yoshico:

Yoshi x Nico

The one fans actually care about 

Partners in crime except they would suck at any actual crime

All the memes. And when I say all the memes, I mean all. The. Memes.

Wouldn’t surprise anyone to know that Yoshi and Nico made all the memes themselves

They don’t like it when fans box them into a specific romantic relationship but they’re also like “yeah we ship Yoshico too” to be funny and cute about it

Flower+Power

Coco:

Teiko x Nico

The Cute Ones™

Sometimes it seems too perfect and you have to wonder if it’s just an idol personality thing they’re putting on because they’re supposed to

Until you remember this is AWOl we’re talking about

Probably just friends but still

More food puns

Ah yes, the ultimate ship war: Coco vs Ho-J

Ryouna:

Ryouga x Yuuna

So #sophisticated

Shipping Ryouna is a wild ride cause like

First of all they’re both hot as hell, especially together

And there’s just something about most Ryouga/Yuuna biases, they tend to be very hardcore stans (let’s just say neither of them are the Jungkook of their group in terms of popularity so if you stan them you STAN them)

And they are well aware of this fact

And love to tease fans with like “pretend” kisses on stage or during variety shows 

There’s just so much Ryouna content like who cares whether or not it’s real

We all know they’re gonna fall in love eventually

Other

WorldWideWoo:

K.O. (Kiwoo) x Sangwoo x Siwoo

AWOL’s version of the Dinosaur Triplets

Sangwoo came up with the name himself so you know it’s legit

All flirtatious bad boys on the outside, all surprisingly courteous once you get to know them

On their own they’re genuinely cool people, but for some reason whenever they get together they all become the kind of person to (un?)ironically use the word “swag”

So of course someone’s gotta ship it

Kim Hyerin:

Hyerin x Kim Gyeong

The pure one

Kinda overdone so

You either love this ship or you hate it

And either way it’s because they’re both such caring people that it becomes an unstoppable-force-meets-immovable-object problem

But everyone tends to agree that it’s at least kinda cute 

It’s also funny ‘cause in Korea women don’t take their husband’s names

Hyesang:

Hyerin x Sangwoo

Because Sangrin is an objectively bad name

The sexy one

They did ONE performance on e.LIVE together and now no one can get over how hot they are

Ah yes, the ultimate ship war: Kim Hyerin vs Hyesang

No seriously the number of Kim Hyesang love triangle fanfictions is kinda insane at this point

The shippers love to pull the “they’ve known each other longer, of course they’re emotionally closer” card and then make absolutely no content that reflects that

Naozo:

Ah yes, the ultimate ship war: is this referring to Naoko x Taizō or Naoko x Zo

Of course it’s Naoko x Zo they’re so much cuter together

Naoko and Taizō kinda go together as the two Japanese soloists but like

Naoko and Zo~~~

The chemistry~~~~~

NaoZo > Naozō

Why

Because it’s gay you fools

Cococo

Naoko x Teiko x Nico

Ok this is just ridiculous

[mx-bright-sky]

Masterlist for all my bnha AUs

you can ask me about any of these, at any time. I love to talk about my ideas. asking about them will never ever both me.

Warning: the descriptions on the aus are accurate, but not at all written seriously, and i got more bored and wacky as the list went on, enjoy

Ones that have been published on AO3 so far:

Green Lightning: vigilante!izuku au, featuring gadgets, a smug ferret, loopholes, and Shinsou and Hatsume as main characters + two OCs

My Neighbor Midoriya: best friends au with Shinsou and Izuku, featuring lots of fluff, Tsuyu in the Izusquad, actual Bakugou character development, and the complete disregard of just about everything that happens in canon

A Shadow In An Empty Room: ghost quirk!izuku au, featuring NANA SHIMURA, ghostly puns, and lots of various ghosts which may or may not eventually include Touya Todoroki

Crossover AUs/ AUs where the characters are just in the setting of another story:

Hero Emblem: Awakening: Fire Emblem: Awakening au, featuring prince Shouto who adopts random hobos he finds on the ground, izuku who is the random hobo on the ground and also has amnesia, incredibly fed up royal guard Iida, awesome big bro Natsuo, and Shigaraki who hates the good guys because Endeavor is a dick, which is Understandable Have A Nice Day(TM)

Hero Emblem: Fates: Fire Emblem: Fates au, featuring izuku with more low key amnesia, family feud medieval edition, More Shinsou Love, and other worldly shananigans. Also no one dies because I Said So. (also, like in the game, after the chapter where the crossroads comes the audience will get to choose which path to take, and i might end up writing all three paths which would be exhausting but Worth It(TM) )

Hero Emblem: Echoes, Shadows of Valentia: FE: SOV au, featuring an author who Definitely Does Not Have An Obsession with fire emblem, they swear, secret prince Shouto, rowdy boy Izuku, general good friendship, and Darth Vader twists that I saw coming from a mile away in the original game

Rune Hero: Rune Factory 4 au, featuring more amnesia izuku because that’s just how the games i like happen to start, weirdly, Dragon Dad Might, incredibly badass moma Inko, and as much or as little fluff as anyone wants

Puella Magi Izuku Magica: Madoka Magica au, featuring pain, suffering, and ooowwwchhh feelings, but also in the end (because of time shenanigans) everyone lives i promise

Delta Rune au that I don’t have a name for, featuring Shouto eats moss, Shinsou eats chalk, Izuku has the power of fluffy boys, and I Don’t Know Who Lancer Is Yet, But It’s Either Eri Or Prototype Bakugou, Help Me Choose, People

Magnus Chase au that I don’t have a name for either, featuring Norse Mytholigy shenanigans, literally a ray of sunshine Izuku, magic elf Shouto, I Forgot Who Blitzen Is And I’ll Edit It In Later, Fuck, Valkyrie Jirou, chaotic good kids of class 1-A that fuck shit up as a Family, shapeshifter Shinsou, and some good wholesome momojirou

Fossil Fighters Champions au and i’m starting to realize i’m not good at naming things yet, featuring It’s A Pokemon AU But With Dinosaurs, where are all my fossil fighters kids at, Literally A Skeleton Man Toshinori, and low key causing the end of the world by accident

Mekakucity Heroes: Kagepro au (finally something else that actually has a name), featuring One Big Damn Family, whoops I think Kirishima is dead, Bakugou is more depressed and less of a bitch, Izuku is actually 150 years old but is basically 15 in body and spirit so details details, Actually, Technically Everyone Is Dead, But Not, everyone has crazy powers but not the same powers that their quirks are, and Kagepro is fucking weird and also niche so probably a very small fan base here

Sword Hero Online: sao au but it’s 1000% better than sao in every way and makes sense, featuring Everyone Is A Gamer, Bakugou being that douche who cusses people out online in chat, Izuku playing DPS, Kiri playing Tank, Uraraka playing Support, and a story that actually has an end and doesn’t drag out forever

AUs set in the BNHA universe:

Shinsou with One For All AU, featuring bffs Izuku and Shinsou, again, because that’s just my brand at this point, Izuku having a quirk and it’s basically that he’s a dnd character (luck and dice rolls), not much else because I came up with this idea like yesterday and haven’t had a lot of time to plan rip

A Bit Of Irony: Hisashi Midoriya is a villain au, featuring slightly pyrophobic Izuku, bonding over garbage fire dads, and a lot of other things that I don’t want to give away just yet but it’s good trust me I promise

Mirrored Fate: Okay, it’s an au of the above where Izuku has both his parent’s quirks, featuring not really a villain and doesn’t actually want to hurt people but is kinda stuck here Izuku, Shouto befriending the technically not a villain, villains not every getting the hint that Izuku will never stop helping the heroes with shit, and Izuku eventually getting saved I promise

again, because I cannot stop, it’s another au that sort of follows the one above but in this one it’s Villain!Endeavor and Number 2 Hero!Hisashi Midoriya, featuring absolutely horrible garbage fire dads, the number two hero spot must be cursed to make you a douche unless if you’re Hawks, a villain second only to All For One who just wants to beat the shit out of All Might, and like izuku in the au above, shouto helping the heroes at literally any opportunity because the villains can’t catch the hint that these kids are just good kiddos

Shouto and Izuku swap AU, featuring Shouto Midoriya as achey brakey bone hurt juice boy, Izuku Todoroki as oh god stop the feels no, Shouto taking absolutely none of Bakugou’s shit except he can’t actually physically do anything to stop it, making friends and being nice out of spite, and Shouto using support gear which may or may not include a taser which solves a lot of problems to be honest

MY Hero Academia: it’s bnha but I do literally whatever the fuck I want to it when it comes to fixing things, featuring a sentient narrator who is too sassy, Izuku staying quirkless, Bakugou being less of a douche and then getting actual character development, no Mineta, well designed costumes, and much much more

Is It A Crime To Have A Good Time: Fun little one shot where the villains just spend the day at an amusement park. Not doing malicious things, mind you, but just general petty things, such as popping kids’ balloons, cutting in line, playing bumper cart in the go karts that explicitly say ‘do not use like bumper karts’, etc. 

Secret Identities: au where it’s only 8% of the population that has quirks and so they’re more like vigilante heroes that you see in comic books, featuring identity hiding shenanigans, accidentally falling in love with both a person’s secret identity and real person, oblivious lesbians (written by a hella oblivious lesbian), and hiding quirks badly

AU where kouta replaces bakugou and bakugou replaces kouta, featuring an actually decent childhood friendship, Kouta being incredibly done with his reckless bff who just got the ultimate quirk of breaking his bones, and becoming a hero to stop your best friend from getting himself killed smh

it’s bnha but I randomized who ends up in Class A and who ends up in Class B, featuring lots of Class B kids, and honestly, isn’t that enough to make you want it?

The Purrfect Hero: CAT QUIRK AU!! featuring cat boy Izuku, lots of obscure cat facts, absolutely always fucking tired and has sleepy bitch disease Izuku, sometimes knocks things off tables on accident, sometimes knocks things off tables on purpose, feels like he doesn’t get taken seriously, and immediately bonds with Shouto over mmm left side warm and bonds with Shinsou over ‘OH MY GOD YOU’RE A CAT’

Underground Avengers: okay, you know how in like episode two when All Might is explaining his injury he says he got it in a fight five years ago, and we as the audience now know that it was against AFO??? Okay, in this AU, the result of that fight was reversed and AFO won and All Might is in hiding and unable to use his quirk anymore, featuring dystopian au vibes, Aizawa Is Always A Mom, secretly used to be a pro hero Inko, and actually on the side of the good guys for once Stain even those he’s a bastard and I hate him in canon

there’s probably more that I’m forgetting, but I’ll edit it and add what I’m missing later

[fabiosofabz]

Four headcanons: Kou or Gojyo~

As you so wisely said, “porqué no los dos”? BUCKLE UP, HERE WE GO.

Kou (aka, my sweet summer child)

Headcanon A, Realistic:-Kou is probably one of the best, if not the best, older brothers in the series. I say best because he doesn’t abandon his young sibling after killing their mother (JIEN). He would do literally anything for Lirin and honestly probably did most of the raising her with Doku and Yaone to help babysit. He absolutely adores her and probably honestly is the kind to put up with her tea parties whenever he’s home. And I think he learned all of that caring from his mother. He’s a great brother.

Headcanon B, unrealistic but hilarious:-He’s terrible at bowling because /nails/. I also imagine he’s really good at dancing and acrobatics, which we see some of but he does tend to summon more, just. Because. These are domestic and probably not the most unrealistic but. Also related to the above, I am 100% certain lirin has braided his hair on multiple occasions. And given him flower crowns. Because she loves him. And he puts up with it because he loves her. Which is ok probably realistic but it is hilarious. You’re welcome.

Headcanon C, heart-crushing but fun:-He’s going to lose everything and everyone. Heh. HEH. But Other than that, I do headcanon that he actually has a lot of trouble adjusting to the modern world, and that’s probably part of why he misses his mom so much. Everything and everyone he knew is different and probably dead now, because it’s been 500 years. At the end of the day, he’s a very lost boy who woke up pretty young (my estimate is somewhere in his teens) with the whole world changed and the one thing he loves sealed away. So there’s your dose of feels that isn’t the ending theory I feel like I’ve beat to death.

Headcanon D, fuck canon, I do what I want:-I mean. I would still say technically I will accept what Minekura says is canon even if I hate it, but I do have one. I am almost 100% convinced that Nii/Ukoku was the one to unseal Kou. And my proof are those bunny slippers we see him wearing when he first meets Dokugakuji. Those are Nii’s slippers. So I very much believe that Kou was naked, and Nii dressed him until he could find clothes for himself. Minekura would be hard-pressed to convince me otherwise, if she even said anything about it later. It was Nii, he dressed Kou, that is the only answer I will accept until proven otherwise.

Gojyo (My BOI)

Headcanon A, Realistic:-Gojyo has an addictive personality. Which. Is close to canon but I don’t recall Minekura ever addressing it directly as such. But the cigarettes, booze, gambling, sex, are all addictions that he clearly gets attached to as a coping mechanism. So I think when presented with other things that are meant to be addictive, he would probably latch onto them, and struggle with balance a lot. Sometimes I’m not entirely convinced he likes them /as/ much as he says he does, or if he likes them an average amount, but has become so used to them he thinks he needs them. (For instance, how he’s actually backed off a lot of the sex talk as the series went on, and though he still makes jokes and comments, and is just a flirty dude, he isn’t nearly as fixated on it as he used to be, because he hasn’t really had a chance to partake since starting the journey.)

Headcanon B, unrealistic but hilarious:-Not unrealistic, but still hilarious, that Gojyo is actually a poser. He thinks he’s a super hardcore villain, but really he’s kind of a puppy on the inside. He’s a badass compared maybe to the average joe, but literally everyone else in the group is more hardcore than him, intentionally or not. Sanzo is metal as fuck and absolutely ruthless, Hakkai is terrifying, Goku is Goku and could suckerpunch you through the wall on accident, and Gojyo probably listens to Nickelback and thinks he’s a Tough Guy. While not so secretly being a giant baby.

Headcanon C, heart-crushing but fun:-I suspect that at some point between the time of Jien leaving and when we see Gojyo in the Burial/Be There arcs, he underwent some form of sexual abuse or even child prostitution. At that age, to feed himself and get a roof over his head, there aren’t exactly a lot of options, and he would have been super vulnerable to boot. His addiction to sex in “Be There,” when he’s still pretty young (I think about what, 18 or 19?) suggests to me he was doing it for a very long time before that. And his general ambivilence to it I think is probably a coping mechanism, influenced both by what he saw Jien doing, and things that happened to him later. It got him by. And he has an addictive personality in general. I also suspect his clients would have been both men and women, probably kind of seedy types, so when he could choose, he made sure they were people that were pretty and non-threatening, as a form of exercising control over his life, in a small way.

Headcanon D, fuck canon, I do what I want:-Honestly I feel like all of the above kind of apply here, tbh, haha. Especially the heart-crushing one, but to end on a light note… I actually kind of think of Gojyo as a bit country. I know Minekura labeled him as a city-boy, but I picture him as like. Growing up in a small town, and wanting to be super city, and obviously not being a fan of literally any part of rugged life. But he’s also not a big city boy. He’s a small town boy.

[tearlessrain]

okay let me just... explain the weirdness of the gryphonverse really quick because I feel like I’ve just foisted it on you all with no context.

It’s long and it’s incredibly convoluted and I’m sorry.

In its original form the universe (the planet they’re all from, specifically, is called Aentha) was the setting of a thoroughly mediocre fantasy story I wrote back in high school for a nanowrimo project. It contained zero elves/dwarves/knockoff orcs/dragons etc but what it did have were gryphons that could shapeshift into humanoid form. For some reason that is never explored because Aentha operates 100% on Rule of Cool, gryphons in humanoid form are capable of reproducing with humans (or the human-like not-gryphons, it was never really established whether there are any actual humans on Aentha but some of them had stripes so probably not). The resulting offspring are considered gryphons by other gryphons no matter how low a percentage of gryphon blood they actually have and they have varying degrees of gryphonic traits and shapeshifting abilities. Ergo Talon, who is half gryphon, has wings/some feathers/gold eyes but otherwise looks pretty human and can’t shift, whereas Iadros, the offspring of him and Iadra (a regular full-blooded gryphon) can shift to a limited degree but never looks fully human or fully gryphon. If you go higher up in percentage you probably get some kind of Timmorn Yellow-Eyes looking thing that can shift to almost human, somewhere in there there’s an event horizon of full gryphon-ness. Again, Rule of Cool precludes the potential for any sort of nightmare fuel uncanny valley situation, any percentage of gryphon hybrid is just going to default to “kinda badass”. Kyran is like 1/16th gryphon and aside from being ridiculously tall and a few non-visible side effects looks pretty much human.

This is already kind of weird, but I repurposed Aentha a few years later for this series of boredom-fueled self-insert comedy/scifi short stories I’ve been writing on and off and not publishing anywhere for the past ten years. So now Aentha is connected to Earth via an interdimensional Rift and exists in a kind of liminal space of fictional and not within the context of those stories. The stories also involved a vaguely magical sword that could bind entities from other dimensions to it. Enter Kyran, who wants the sword. He was the villain of the original nanowrimo and subsequently became the much more meta villain of the short stories, eventually summoning/making a pact with the Powers of Darkness (which are fuchsia and originate in the Eleventh Dimension of Infinite Despair, obviously) to try and defeat the wielder of the sword. He failed and ended up bound to the sword and trapped in a pocket dimension created around a gryphonic ruin because it turns out gryphons are descended from interdimensional beings. A five year writing hiatus later, Kyran and the wielder have more or less sorted out their differences while he’s been chilling in the pocket dimension. See, in his last attempt to get the sword before being bound to it he literally broke the Fourth Wall, which not only didn’t prevent him from losing by virtue of being the villain of a comedy series, but also made him aware that he WAS the villain and gave him a bit of an existential crisis. Now he’s also realized that as long as he’s bound to the sword and can’t go against the wielder he can defect to the side of the heroes and the tropes governing the series will allow it because he technically has no choice. Ultimately of course he ends up freed from the sword, the mysterious entity that’s secretly been dictating the series genre and tropes therein comes after him for refusing to continue being the villain of the series, the Powers of Darkness come after him for breaking the pact (by chilling in the ruin between dimensions for five years), and he winds up trapped in the Eleventh Dimension. A rescue operation to get him back ensues and succeeds, everyone bands together to defeat the mysterious entity, and basically that’s why Kyran and Talon are on the same side now.

And because I write them purely for my own amusement and no one reads them except occasionally my brother, there are kind of alternate versions of some story arcs floating around my head/documents folder, some of which completely forgot to be a comedy along the way, which is how the meat hook thing happened and why it’s technically not canon even though for all intents and purposes it is.

In summary, the whole thing is exactly the kind of situation for which the phrase “unmitigated clusterfuck” was invented.

[musesfromnippon]

   { So I’m still awake and thinking... “You know, until I get those about pages set up, why not write short bits that sum up the muse?” So that’s what I’m doing.     Expect some of these to be a bit ridiculous, cause I haven’t slept yet. }

Amenominakanushi: The Dad of all Dads. He’s gonna drop some wisdom on you and also be really vague sometimes. I bet he knows too much about everything.

Inari-okami: Gender doesn’t exist, especially for them. Feel free to refer by she/her, he/him, or they/them. Foxes are friends and also the thieves of your missing socks. Might adopt you like Ammy does, but less “parent” type and more “party uncle/aunt with a glass of sake in one hand.”

Nuregami: Pure bean who is here to make sure things are going okay...with the water, of course! She’s a little awkward around people. Family, save her.

Kabegami: Will climb everything tall that you own, including you, if you’re tall. Hope you like cats; she’s got a lot of kitty friends. Will steal any seafood you have...or just give it to her. Make a new friend.

Sakuya: Guardian of the trees and wishing she could do a bit more with her life. Still, she knows all the secrets of Kamiki. All. Of. Them. Become her gossip buddy, it’ll be worth your time. But be careful of what you want to know about....

Kushi: Came home to raise her sons and brew sake...and her adopted son left to figure out his past while her other child is probably learning things he shouldn’t from his father. Brew so good it can get the gods wasted, so beware....

Camellia & Camille: The traveling sisters who visit Guardian Saplings around Nippon! Camellia being the elder sister and Camille being the younger and who is also super up to date on that kami stuff. Big sis is waaaay behind, yo.

Princess Fuse: Princess of the canines and the boss of Kusa Village. Totally. Also OkamiDen isn’t canon, so there’s no acting going on here. Only a woman trying to keep her warrior-dogs in line and encourage them to keep protecting their home!!!

Kaguya: Just your average space princess from the moon, no big deal. Also one of few remaining Lunarians after some massive bullshit that somebody pulled and our bets are either on Orochi or Yami...... So yeah, now she’s the ruler of the shambles of her home and kinda needs to get on fixing that. Sometime soon, hopefully.

Queen Himiko: She may be dead in Okami canon, but now is the time to say, “fUCK SHE MAY BE DEAD....but that’s what we have past RPs and AU threads for.” Anyways, she’s a badass who rules the throne while her husband plays with demon fangs, so know who’s the powerful one around Sei’an City... Cause it’s her.

Kamo & Abe: Some Tao Troopers who serve under Waka. Just remember that Abe is the ditz and Kamo is the cool, collected dude you can trust with anything. Abe would probably sell all of your secrets for a dinner at Sei’an’s finest. Abe is a DORK.

Queen Oto: Remember kids, “Otohime” is “Princess Oto”, so technically she’s “Queen Oto” now, a’right?? ANYWHO. You know Himiko and how badass she is/was? Well, here comes Queen Oto, ready to LAY DOWN THE LAW OF BADASSERY. Cause she changed into a huge fucking dragon while preggo to help the sun kami and her bouncing friend fight off a God Complex Ninetails. She’s also a widowed, single mother and that kid is gonna be just as incredible as she is. Damn.

Tobi: Speaking of the Ninetails, that big bro had a cool dude working for him...and that guy, was a demonic slip of paper. Who liked to race! And helped you to the top with those races!! LONG LIVE TOBI!!! So yeah, he’s stickin’ around here and ready to hand out some flowers.

Samickle: Yo, you won’t believe this, but.... This guy is the Oina chief now. Crazy, right?! Yeah... He’s also sorta engaged. Just some fanficy shit, dON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, GOSH.

Tuskle: They made her as a one-off priestess in-game.... And then I came along and went, “Mine now.” So now we’re gonna get a badass shaman in this group, helping people heal, giving advice, and lowkey being a mom to everyone. Someone’s gotta!

Ayame: The OkamiDen one-off to play really hardcore on your emotions, while also tying into a story nobody knows about... Again though, I’m taking her. She’s mine now. Imma make her cute as hell and ya’ll gonna have to love her now!!! (Don’t worry, you will naturally. Ayame is too cute and pure. Gotta love them pure peeps~)

Kuni: He was the son of Susano and Kushi...until he revealed he actually wasn’t, he’s just adopted. We can either talk about this crazy kiddo and his attempts to figure out who he really is...or just get our butts into the future, where he’s a damn good swordsman and a handsome boi.

Nanami: The Dragonians continue to be badass and elegant...and Nanami’s here to hammer that point home. Hope you like water and water hair, cause that’s what you’re getting here, bucko. She’s real cute, though. Prepare to be charmed.

Kagu: OkamiDen may have flopped in story, but DAMN if all their girls ain’t #goals! Our little actress-miko Kagu, back at it again with her incredible powers, eventual (possible) heir to the Sei’an throne, and also getting a little sweeter with the acceptance of who she is. Confidence out the wazoo and it looks GOOD for her!!

Kurow: ...Blease protect my boy..... He did not deserve what canon gave him...... So now he’s gonna be coddled here and protected... Probably for a week or two. Then we toss him to the angst hounds. Also should mention all of the kid partners (including this rad dude) have “adult AUs” so... That’s a thing.

Sugawara: Hey, if Capcom could maybe like....stop hurting my babes from the Moon Tribe, that’d be rad, okay? That’s gonna be my job, dudes. SO. Denying canon a bit? Maybe. Mostly just wanna set this guy free... Maybe get him a date. He’s too attractive to be single I mEAN WHAT--

Dark Chibiterasu: Remember that bit? At the end? Well, screw that, too, cause I’m gonna make my own dark Chibi. He’s sorta his own entity now, though. How you interact with him, shapes how he’s gonna be, so.... Play with him wisely! Else you’re gonna be at fault if he grows up to be a very bad pupper.

(Oh hey, it’s the OC section. We made it this far!!)

Koamashi of Nippon: So in a summary, Koamashi are like...land guardians? They collect the history of their homeland and stuff and this could go on forever. This one is a happy being and also ready to kick your ass. But she probably won’t, cause being friendly is the way to go! (Also that whole “cursed land” thing didn’t go well for her, so she’s still trying to recover from that.

Koamashi of Kamui: A cold guy (ahahahaa, get it??), but could be tight-knit...if he had friends. He just sorta...watches over the Oina and Poncles. That’s his main dealio. He’s a sad man, give him a hug...once you know him better, anyways. Doesn’t like touches from strangers, m’dude.

Koamashi of the Takamagahara: You’ll likely never meet this guy unless, like... You die or something. Or are a deity of some kind? He’s a cool dude, though. Very friendly, patient, and kind. Probably gives warm hugs. Will kick your ass if need be, though. Died once; not fun. Also, the Koamashi are technically genderless, but they do lean towards a preference of appearance, so.... And they really don’t mind, either way.

Handmaiden Reiko: Dad the sake brewer, mom the painter, and big brother the warrior...and their parents are dead, of course. Reiko somehow managed to get a job as a handmaiden to a tanuki princess, but... Geez, is it straining or WHAT?! Makes using a bow look so, so easy.... Patient af, though; she’s still working to keep getting money to ensure a good life back at home. Also has an Oina bf named Hayato.

Demon Cat Sukei: Fight first, questions later. Won’t let you pet him and will bite if you try. Maybe claw, too, if he can manage it. Can speak English/Japanese and will hand over demonic wares and give advice on demons/imps to talk to who might be of help, if got need of them. Alright, if an asshole.

Genetic Pup Aoi: Remember the “Science is Bad” trope? Well, it’s sorta true here; get the hair and blood of a kami with some science shit and BAM!! Here’s four godly puppies, have fun explaining that shit to the higher ups. Aoi is the blu boi and he’s got them water powers. Eldest of the four sibs and thus, the leader.

Genetic Pup Hinote: Second in command to Aoi, but sorta like Starscream in that he keeps trying for first place. Dark pupper and the only one to have black fur; he controls fire and- yes- is a bit of a hothead. He’s a good big bro to Kusa, though.

Genetic Pup Kusa: The green boy, associated with wind, and the fastest of ‘em all because of it. Could probably speed over water, honestly. He just likes to run and play with Hinote, cause they’re the other duo to Aoi and Sakura.

Genetic Pup Sakura: Cliche name for the pink pup with the earth powers... Also the sole girl, but she knows that just makes her better then! ...Right? Is the runt of the group, but also sorta the powerhouse, considering how important nature is, and all. Is the “underling” to the duo between her and Aoi, though she secretly prefers Hinote to give her attention.

Lunarian Aristocrat Kiyoshi: One of the Moon Tribe runaways during the fall. Kinda sorta doesn’t care what happened back home, cause Sei’an City is a lot cooler, anyhow... Mostly cause 300+ years of being there and it’s still a neat place to him. Is a little shit in the way only a very flashy man can be. It’s all a part of that Lunarian charm, eh~?

Tanuki Princess Yua: Got big tiddies cause mythology states that tanuki have ridiculously huge and useful ballsacks. The more you know!! Yua, however, is the second child who is a girl, and thus won’t get the throne. So via la rebellion and exploring the world of Nippon and Kamui time!! She’s the princess Reiko has to watch over, bless the woman’s heart... Yua likes playing tricks, flirting a bit, but has some wild ADHD that just....won’t settle. Can at least relax a little in Wep’keer/Kamui, so Reiko can see her man and not have to fuss over the princess during that bit of their trip.

Oina Woman Miame: CALLBACK TIME. So remember Samickle? Being engaged? Here’s his fiancée. YUP. Casual woman who he kinda had to help when she got herself trapped and hurt... Sorta stuck around with nowhere else to go, wormed her way into the pack....and then some cheesy bit like “warming up Sami’s heart” or something. Definitely does know how to keep him from stressing out too much, though, so... Go her!!

Demon Priest Takahiro: He got a name for this appearance. At long last, he hAS A NAME!!! He’s mostly here to pay for his crimes years ago, when he forced Amaterasu to swallow up this stone of darkness kinda thing? It makes her go into a baddie mode, basically. Yeah, he did it. That’s his fault. Also, that hasn’t been fixed, so..... Someone needs to get on that and drag Takahiro with them!!

Young Fox Akemi: “Young” by kitsune standards, thank you. She’s still in her early 200s! Anywho... Fox from a small kitsune village. Has been going around to learn stuff about the world as she gains her tails. Made a friend in another wandering kitsune with similar goals, so they joined up; he’s been traveling longer, though. Associated with the autumn season.

Teenage Fox Yoshirou: Akemi’s friend and a black fox of 3-tails, so... About 300 years already under his belt. Wanted to be alone and in peace, but Akemi was younger than him, so... He relented. Acts like her big brother now, basically. Since they’ve wandered from their homes and families, expect him to be the one to look over suitors in place of her actual family.

Lunarian Scholar Kazuki: If you’ve been around me for about a year, you know this guy already. If not, he’s basically the ex-love interest to Shiori over at Goddessof-Poems. He kinda died during the whole wipeout of the Moon Tribe? Yeah... He used to do a lot of important writing for the Moon Tribe and gave Shiori her signature, golden collar. (Still wears it to this day.) He’s a dead guy now, but Izanami likes setting him free sometimes to amuse herself. So whether in the past or present, Kazuki is around somehow...somewhere.....

[brianwilly]

So apparently I wanna talk about Secret Empire

[Shows up a month late with Pete’s Coffee]

There’ve already been a lot of well-written thinkpieces and entries about this comic, about Nick Spencer, about it all.  But I wanted to maybe throw my two-cents into the pile because, to this day, I think most people are still a little confused about where the outrage is coming from, what exactly is making people uncomfortable, and why it all just keeps snowballing on itself.

And honestly I don’t blame those people; this whole situation is kinda hard to parse.  You think it’d be easy to understand why “They turned Captain America into a Nazi” makes people upset, but the thing about Secret Empire is that it honestly does a good pretty job of covering its own ass, of not doing anything overtly offensive, of leaving in all the loopholes and technicalities and escape clauses to its own premise. “It’s going to be undone in the end.” “He’s not actually a Nazi, he’s just brainwashed (even though the story goes on and on for pages about how he’s actually not brainwashed and is in fact a Nazi).” “We’re treating Nazis as bad guys, not glorifying them.” “And they’re not really Nazis, they’re Hydra, it’s totally different.” “We’re tackling topical issues!  Aren’t we brave!  And daring!”

And that’s the kind of stuff I wanna try to cut through here, but it’s gonna require...well...yet another thinkpiece.  Sorry about that.

So I think that Tumblr has covered much of this pretty well, but something to be aware of is that, for a while now, genre media has had A) really iffy mindsets about Jewish issues and B) a sort of casual flirtation with "cool Nazis" as some edgy cool thing to hype and market.  It’s not glorifying Nazis exactly, but it’s using that kind of imagery and ideology as tools to sell your books and movies and TV.  And when I say "genre media" has been doing these things, I actually am specifically referring to Marvel comics and studios for a notable chunk of these instances.

When you combine those instances with the state of the world where Nazism has been regaining traction with the 'chans and redditors and within the White House itself, with Holocaust denialism and Jewish defamation being a regular fixture of the news cycle...it's no wonder that members of the Jewish community and blogosphere has been feeling disenfranchised by a lot of the old entities and structures that had seemed like they should be able to count on as a matter of course. That includes the government, that includes our fellow citizens, and it also includes the media.

(sidebar, I am not Jewish, I just enjoy their comics!)

That's what readers mean when they say this feels like the worst sort of climate for a story that reveals and is marketed on the premise that Captain America was secretly a Nazi all along. It's not that people don't want the current political climate to be examined and lampshaded in media, it's that this specific method of examination comes across scarily comparable to all the antisemitic media and rhetoric that's been released throughout the years which has led us to this current political climate in the first place. It's the media-slash-rhetoric where Jewish (and other) characters have their origins retconned and whitewashed into homogeneity, where pontificating supervillains are just misunderstood revolutionaries who might have a point or something, where fascist police-states are shock value tropes to engender hype and interest amongst audiences.

Spencer's argument is that this story, which depicts a universe where the fascists win, is intended to incite discourse and criticism against such a universe. Hydra are still clearly the bad guys of the story, we're obviously intended to want to see them lose, of course they're going to lose by the end. But the way that the story has been constructed up to this point exhibits a lot of the same signatures of various antisemitic story beats we've had throughout the years. Captain America being retconned from a stalwart defender of Jewish people into being a Nazi agent, for instance, evokes Wanda and Pietro Maximoff being changed from prominent Jewish-Romani superheroes into whitewashed Hydra recruits on the big screen...and there was certainly no secret message or hidden allegory behind the Maximoffs' change; all it was was offensive and tone-deaf and that was it.

For another instance, Nazi Steve delivering issues-long sermons about how the heroes of this world have gotten complacent and misguided and that the world needs someone willing to make the tough choices, to do what it takes to protect it, is reminiscent of Tony Stark and Carol Danvers making fascism-apologia for months on end throughout the two Civil War event comics, like, hey maybe these guys playing the hardball roles have a point right? Hey aren't we so hardcore and edgy for tackling the hardcore and edgy topics?  CHOOSE YOUR SIDE!...and in the end this fascism-apologia is just played completely straight, no hidden critique, no last-minute swerve, just Marvel turning its heroes into borderline supervillains and that was the end of the story. But hey, this story here and now will be totally different from that! Becuuuz...for some reason.

To be direct about his: This isn’t our first rodeo, Marvel Comics.  Let’s not pretend that Marvel...and DC, let’s be fair...haven't in fact made a lot of legitimately terrible in-canon offensive character assassinations of iconic characters and that it's not that unreasonable to be afraid of it happening again at any given point.  Let’s not pretend that Marvel hasn’t done a lot of those things for the specific reason of angering readers and then feeding off of that anger and attention.

At the very least, there's been this weird romanticizing of Hydra Cap from Spencer in what I've read of these books so far; it doesn’t exactly refute the premise that Steve being Hydra is bad, but Steve is still the protagonist of these books no matter how brainwashed he is, so these issues seem to have come across less like "Our heroes have to prevail against this nefarious schemer and his nefarious schemes!" and more like "Watch in wonder as this shadowy agent prevails against all the clueless establishment and does badass things throughout his mission!" It falls into the "cool Nazi" trend where it's like, of course we're consciously aware that he's the bad guy here, but isn't he so edgy and hardcore and badass anyway? I haven't read as many issues of Hydra Cap as Spencer would probably like so, I dunno, let me know if I'm way off here.

So, to summarize...well, not summarize exactly, but to organize these points, lets’ do a list.  Everyone likes lists, right?

1) Showing the "bad guys" losing in, like, probably the very last issue of this year long storyline (which also included the main Captain America book which led up to the actual event) doesn't suddenly omit all those issues where the "bad guys" were shown being edgy and hardcore and badass and smart and powerful and pulling one over on all those dense clueless liberal "good guys," except in this case the bad guys are people who directly abetted in the Holocaust and not the guys who stole forty cakes.

2) This is during a time in the world where antisemitic rhetoric is seeing a startling resurgence -- or maybe just coming back into the light again after hiding away for a bit -- and Holocaust denialism, vandalism of public Jewish spaces, and outright physical violence being more and more common occurrences.

3) Readers in general have been consistently burned by Marvel's consistently tone-deaf depictions of moral or social narratives throughout their events (Civil War: police states are great!) (Civil War II: police states are great!) (IvX: Cyclops is goddamn HITLER for some reason). Jewish readers, in particular, have good reason to not to trust Marvel to be respectful and tactful of their issues. Any such complaints or concerns have been responded to with derision or misunderstanding on Spencer's part, which only makes everyone angrier and more wary.

4) Indeed, Marvel and Spencer's go-to insistence that Hydra are totally not Nazis at all and you're just being nitpicky if you say they're Nazis just further makes them come across as tone-deaf and bullish on the matter, on top of (probably unknowingly, if I’m feeling generous) mirroring the talking points of actual real life Nazis, who've been trying to rebrand themselves as something different for years in order to come across more fluffy and palatable to mainstream sensibilities.

5) I mean there's also the fact that Hydra is -- as currently depicted in this very event by the very writer who keeps saying they're not Nazis on Twitter -- a completely fascistic political regime that stifles free thought and rewrites history through fear, violence, and propaganda and oh hey did someone mention concentration camps? ‘Cuz there are concentration camps in this book.  Hydra is functionally indistinguishable from Nazis in this actual book. This is not a book about Captain America being brainwashed by Saturnians to plant death lasers on the moon, this is a book about Captain America being a Nazi and doing things associated with Nazis in absolutely every respect.  But sure let’s get comic shop owners to dress up like them and stuff

6) "I don’t care if this gets undone next year, next month, next week. I know it’s clickbait disguised as storytelling. I am not angry because omg how dare you ruin Steve Rogers forever. I am angry because how dare you use eleven million deaths as clickbait." Copypasted directly, because how can you get clearer than that.

7) Spencer's work with Sam Wilson Captain America, which generally turns him into a centrist apologist at best who couldn't believe that he himself was ever that much of an annoying liberal activist or something and occasionally fights literal "social justice warriors" on college campuses throwing bombs and internet slang, isn’t a particularly encouraging thing to have hanging on the back of your mind while reading this story about how Steve Rogers was actually a Nazi all along. 8) In a world where an X-Men artist is literally sneaking secret antisemitic propaganda into books that are supposed to celebrate diversity and civil activism, can you really blame people for being antsy about a comic book that is making members of Stormfront cream themselves by revealing that Steve Rogers was a secret Nazi all along?

So yeah, I dunno if I have any great point to make with any of this.  I just felt like collating all the outrage and shedding a little light on how the situation comes across to me.  Secret Empire isn’t exactly the sort of clear-cut idiocy where, y’know, some dense writer fridged yet another female character or replaced yet another hero of color with his white predecessor from forty years ago.  Its problems are a bit more intricate, which means the blowback is a bit more intricate as well.

[kingofthewhatpod]

Fanfic Friday #3

Oh god, oh dear, oh no. This was supposed to come out last Friday, and yet it was delayed for a week without any news. I mean, I did technically tweet it last Friday but maybe anyone who follows me can forgive me because this week you get both? And.... er... I’ll try to do better? Maybe I’ll do another post on my real thoughts about Fanfic Friday, but if you’re reading this, and you just want to get to the good stuff, let me delay no more!

I return to Fanfic Friday’s roots (after only a single week off, ha) of seeing how I would teak a non-canon arc. Heck, maybe I'll have constructive creativity for a canon arc one day. But not this day. Because I was originally sending these out as tweets, my thoughts in places are brief. Adventure in the Ocean's Naval was fine. It was palatable. But I don't want a slightly overcooked hamburger and some fries. I want steak with garlic mashed potatoes.

Things I liked:

The mystery of the island, however short lived

The guardian monsters

Captain Joke didn't have friends like Luffy, and that was his downfall

Things that could be improved:

Usopp/Nami didn't do much of anything

Magic not explained

who cares about Joke?

As before, I'll keep the premise. Mysterious island, land of adventure? check. But this time, there's no octopus, no immediate fight. Luffy and Zoro andd the ship still fall down below because hijinks. (maybe Zoro is napping and doesn't keep a careful eye on Luffy, who gets bored and starts messing around on the ship, or he sees a cool bug. And him running around somehow dislodges the anchor long enough that they fall). So they all end up down below, and they meet a rather shady old man (think Jafar disguised as the beggar) who tells them about this wicked cool treasure of the gods. It's on the other side of the island if they're brave enough to get it. It is said to grant any wish.

Usopp and Nami are probably freaked out, Sanji would very calmly be like "who would fall for that?" but Luffy has decided to go check it out, and Zoro is just like "he's the captain." So they end up going, some more willingly than others Now, you'll notice this call to adventure is some kind of bad guy (you know what? Make it a poorly disguised oni. Everyone notices except Luffy), instead of some kid. Firstly, I'm usually not a fan of the kid characters- even if they're related to the deeper themes. But also, maybe there *is* a village down here, and they meet a crying Hamu who is like "don't try to go get the treasure! Even Captain Joke, the hero pirate of the village couldn't do it!" But why would that deter Luffy? Answer: it wouldn't.

Luffy could be all "Yeah, but I bet he wasn't as strong as I am. I'm going to be King of the Pirates." (King of the What Now?) Maybe Hamu comes with to watch this idiot in action, maybe he just stays behind. The crew will come back through for the ship anyways and they can tell him about their adventure. Now, they get halfway across a suspiciously empty field, when all of a sudden these stone walls come up from the ground, creating a labyrinth and separating the crew. Luffy might try to rocket up but there's some magical barrier. Also you can't go back the way you came, inwards!

Now, Luffy will basically get lost and increasingly frustrated. I cannot stress how funny this mental image is, as he yells and rampages but to no avail. I don't think the Straw Hats can hear each other. As I mentioned in episode 25 of the podcast, it'd be interesting if the Straw Hats faced off against the former Joke pirates. You get just enough characterization through dialogue and actions that you feel like you actually know this character. Also, I want to touch on the nature of the Joke pirates. Joke was betrayed, just like in the original. But instead of faceless shapes, there are 4 you can clearly see. Also the hint of *something* off-camera giving off a dark red light.

Spoilers: But because Joke's commanders were evil-hearted, they became tainted, causing their forms to morph and become... well, weird and monstrous. We can imply the other no-name members of the Joke pirates were killed in the labyrinth or by these commanders

Anyways. Zombie commander guys facing Luffy's crew one on one. Zoro first. He faces a man clad in weird armor (because One Piece), who constantly bangs on his breastplate, simply saying "Strong! Strong!" He's very bulky and has tusks. Maybe make him look walrus-ish. Anyways, he's very strong, and he hits hard. Zoro can't pierce his armor, and there's no obvious weakpoints. This guy's deal is that he just wants to be strong, as a dark reflection of Zoro's own ambition. He wants it so bad he'd sell out his captain to make a deal with a monster. Eventually Zoro wins, I think by using the butt of his sword to BANG right on the dude's helmet, and then breaking the monster commander's weapon, maybe burying him beneath the rubble created by slashing the walls  surrounding them. And of course Zoro gets a badass line. "What good is strength if you won't use it for your captain?" Because he is a GOOD, LOYAL BOY. Or maybe a comment on his enemy's internal weakness. "If you're too weak to stand and you get knocked down, stand up again even stronger"

Sanji's opponent: A rockstar with a wicked cool guitar and cool shades and a flashy jacket. Yes, I said a rockstar. This is One Piece which has all sorts of crazy character designs. Does it make sense that he has an electric guitar? Do I care? The ideological reason they're suited for each other is because this guy (maybe he's like a creature of the lagoon. Yeah that's it. He's more frog-ish) likes ladies but he's vain about it and only cares about himself (betrayed Joke because being a priate wasn't cool anymore). Anyways he fires actual music note shaped projectiles by strumming his guitar, and Sanji can't really get close at first. That is, until... maybe Froggy says he'll hunt down Nami? Yeah, and then Sanji kicks tthrough these weird music notes, runs forward and kicks him in the face! 

"Coolness can't be forced," Sanji remarks, adjusting his tie. "And no woman would ever want to kiss you." (Also, side note, I'm not a huge fan of the shonen trope of suddenly becoming stronger when someone is threatened. But I couldn't think of a way for Sanji to win otherwise. I need to get better at this. That’s what having a weekly schedule is meant to help with!)

Usopp's opponent: A squid looking guy who hides behind cover and always runs from battle. He betrayed his captain because he was afraid of what would happen if they continued their journey. Usopp tries to snipe him when he comes up from behind cover but Squid boy is very fast. Usopp wins by purposefully acting all angry and firing a bunch of his explosion stars, secretly taking out the cover further down the battle field until the next time squiddy tries to run he gets blasted in the back. "How can a man run from danger for his whole life?" He asks with a smirk. Bonus points if his knees are still shaking while he says it

Nami: She faces a fairy. Yes, a lady who got all shrunk by the monster's power. Maybe a flying sea horse-ish type design, to keep it aquatic. She, like Nami, is money obsessed, and didn't want to share her treasure with Joke. She's another agile one and shoots giant bubbles. Can Nami polevault with that pole of hers? Yeah, let's say she can. So she leaps over one of the bubbles and maybe throws a coin past the lady, causing her lady to quickly look away- unable to resist the allure of gold- just in time for a nice solid smack of the pole. "Try thinking about others once in a while" is Nami's line before she continues through the maze.

Now, it seems the maze is magic in nature (no duh), and the Straw Hats (minus their captain) have come out of the maze. And before them is the treasure. But before they can approach, the red light from earlier. oh no! It's the old man from earlier! (who could have guessed???????) He gets huge and reveals his true form, growing in size, saying he'll never give up his treasure. But before the battle can start, you hear it. CRACK! WHUMP! CRACK! Cracks are appearing on some part of the maze wall behind them. It explodes and in comes an enraged Luffy! Angry that he was lost for so long. Bonus points, Sanji kicks a piece of rubble that was going to hit him, Zoro cuts a piece that was flying at him, and the eternal butt monkey Usopp gets hit in the head.

Luffy: Who's this? Zoro: Dunno Sanji: That's the old guy from earlier. Luffy: Whaaaat?? Grandpa wasn't a good person?? Nami: Honestly, captain... Usopp: *recovered from the rubble* Hey, Luffy, what was that, you jerk!!!

Now, the point is that this monster likes to sow chaos. Just like in the original special, Joke was betrayed because he had crappy friends. And The Straw Hats seem incredibly disorganized. So the monster king grins. "How would you like to join me and I'll grant you your wish?" Zoro, Nami, Sanji, Usopp, each of them get all quiet and start walking over to accept the deal. Luffy is watching them, a look of mild confusion on his face. They stand right in front of the thing and the monster grins. "Good," he says. All four of them at once give him a solid whack, kick, shot, and slide. "As if!!!"  They cry in union. Luffy grins and punches the big creature in the gosh darn mouth. Well, probably the nose but I like to say "punch in the mouth"

He's not defeated *that* easily, and maybe if I spent more time rewriting and drafting this I could come up with an exciting narrative. The point is that the monster is too strong for even Luffy on their own, but they fight as a team.

You might think Luffy tends to prefer to fight alone, and maybe he does for a while. But the monster *could* wish himself stronger, and it could look like Luffy is about to lose when his crew mates save him, allowing him to prepare for an even stronger punch that will finish it. And of course the wish granting gem breaks. Of COURSE Luffy sends the monster flying and he smashes into the thing and it gets launched with him over the horizon or something. Of course everyone's mad but Luffy shrugs it off, since it's more about the journey than the destination So... yeah, that's basically it. Luffy comes back to the village, Hamu is like "How did you do it?" and Luffy just grins and is like "with help from my crew." And it's a sweet moment. Hopefully you liked it! I feel like this was the longest one yet.

Happy Friday everyone!