#{ oh well have fun with this demo read }

[lxkeee]

Hi, could I request a Lucifer morningstar x darkness demon overlord reader? She lurks in the shadows like a boogeyman, she acts like morticia adams from the adams family, how would he meet or act around the gothic queen👁👁✨

LUCIFER X OVERLORD! FEM! READER

Part two

Lucifer was just wandering around hell, unknowingly entering a territory of an overlord.

He doesn't know okay? It's just a forest of dead wilted trees with ominous aura.

His first instinct is to investigate.

This is his first time coming here, he only discovered this area after flying by to return to the palace.

Lucifer was walking around the dense forest, with his guard up.

The forest was quiet. A little too quiet.

He isn't afraid, unfortunately. He knows he can kill any demon who would try to mess with him.

Crack. A twig snapped

His head whipped to the direction of the noise, “Who goes there? Show yourself!” he threatens, wings in full display.

Shadows moving around him and finally stopping in front of him, morphing into a figure.

Lucifer expected a lot of things, but this.

A very tall and gorgeous woman, large deer antlers on her head. Sultry eyes and a smirk on her face.

Oh fuck, she's beautiful. Dangerous. He can sense the power she has.

“Good evening your highness, I didn't expect to see you here wandering around my home.” the woman says with a chuckle, making the man become a little flustered.

“Your home...?” he asked hesitantly and the woman nodded.

“Yes, this is my home or rather my territory. My home is somewhere around here. I just sensed a presence around these grounds and decided to check. I didn't expect to see the king of hell to be here.”

“M-my apologies, my lady. I simply didn't know.” he stammers a bit. Ah, calm yourself Lucifer. You're more powerful so you shouldn't be intimidated, he says to himself internally.

“It is alright, if you don't mind. Do you want to join me for a cup of tea? I just so happen to have finished brewing some.”

Lucifer is cautious around sinners, especially her. He doesn't know why his heart is palpitating this much. The best reason he got is fear loud incorrect buzzer noise

“I don't want to intrud—”

“Nonsense! You're not intruding.”

“But—”

“Do not fret, I am not going to hurt you. I should be the scared one as you are much more powerful than me. I am sure you can obliterate my existence with a flick of your finger.” the woman laughs softly, a kind of laugh that reminds him of the books he's read. The kind of laugh that draws you in.

“How about this, how about we get acquainted with each other? So that you'll be more comfortable?”

Lucifer's eyes narrowed, “Why are you so insistent?”

“Well, I just love making friends and you my dear seem to be an interesting character that I don't mind befriending.”

Lucifer rolls his eyes but eventually nodded, “Fine, My name is Lucifer Morningstar.”

“Wonderful, then... It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Lucifer, my name is [y/n]” She says before gently holding his hand and placing a small kiss on his knuckles.

With a smirk on her face as her eyes looked at him as she did so.

Lucifer's cheeks reddened, quickly snatching his hand away from the demoness.

“So, about that tea?”

Lucifer is beginning to see a pattern.

A type even.

It's been a few months since he's met the deer demoness.

Surprisingly he managed to get along with her, despite her... Rather questionable actions.

He often visits her mansion at the middle of the forest where he met her or the other way around.

She often surprises him by popping out of the shadows with her presence concealed.

She's playful, mysterious, dangerous, beautiful.

And tall.

He likes his women tall okay?

And he likes them a little deranged.

Anyways.

She keeps teasing him.

Just like the other day, he came to visit at the wrong time and she forced him to help her get dressed.

It was inappropriate! She only asked him to zip the zipper of her dress.

Poor guy was blushing.

She didn't make fun of his obsession with rubber ducks.

She even made ducks out of shadows and made it swim around his room and of course, he made one too with his powers.

The shadows and gold dust ducks swimming around the room and in the air.

It was... Cute...

Lucifer has gotten to know the woman better too, he has gotten the chance to see many sides of her.

Lucifer isn't stupid, he can tell he's developing feelings for her.

He's afraid, he's afraid of getting hurt again or hurting her.

He has issues he needed to fix first.

Though, he is slightly a flustered mess around the woman.

Can you blame him? She calls him endearing nicknames! She calls him sweetheart and it just makes his heart flutter.

He is cautious around her not because he's afraid of her but because he fears his feelings for her would accidentally be known.

And she just appears out of nowhere!

It took awhile for him to sort his emotions and he thinks he is finally ready to confess.

But first, Lucifer needs to find hints if she feels the same way.

“Thanks for the coffee, [y/n]. It tastes amazing as always.” Lucifer says, admiring the duck shaped cream that is floating on his coffee.

“It is a pleasure, sweetheart. Drink to your heart's content. I know you've been stressed lately.” She says with a gentle voice.

“I have a question.” he started, already planning a discreet way to ask her.

“Hmm? Go ahead.”

“What if let's say... You have a close friend and you've only known him for a couple of months but they fell in love with you and now they're planning to confess to you? Would you date him?”

Don't mind him guys, he's trying his best.

[y/n] tilts her head slightly, confused before giggling.

She's not stupid but she kinda wants to tease him.

“Depending on who this friend is.”

“Just answer.” he deadpans.

“Yes, would you confess though?” she asked as she leans forward to reach him across the table, holding his chin. Lips just a few inches away from each other.

Lucifer.exe has stopped working.

“Y-yes...” he stammers, beginning to feel shy as his cheeks heat up.

“Do you want a kiss?” she asked teasingly.

“Please...?”

“Good boy.” she says before finally pressing her lips against his.

It was the most addicting kiss he ever experienced.

“I like you.”

“I like me too.”

“[y/n]!”

“I am just joking, I like you too.”

[seraphinitegames]

Hi! Hope everything is well 😊

Just played the demo and it's sooo god! 😍 Replayed it several times already.

I've tried every type of playthrough for each wayhaven book. Like, literally every single one... for each stat, personality, type of relationship with each RO, who your BFF is....etc...

I'm just obsessed with how even small things changes the dialogue, I can't help it, it's like Pokemon, I gotta catch them all 🤣

And I already know i'll replay this one the most 😍 and it has absolutely nothing to do with the hot Villain, or the MC getting awesome super powers. Or the angst. Or the mental image of a MC going full on "Unlimited Power!" On the next Murphy, or Anwir, or Bobby, definitely not Bobby. Nope.

Not. At. All.

....

Anyways...

So I just have to ask (Even though i'm guessing we're going into spoiler territory) how is the Villain as a RO? Right now i'm getting the feeling that they (mostly) wants MC for this "power" they keep mentioning, but is there another reason?

Also just for fun, like in the other RO asks, where does the Villain land in the rankings? For most clingy, emotional, affectionate, etc. Then, of course the most important one, Jealousy. I know we can't really pursue the Villain if we're already romancing someone, but how do they feel about the "competition"? Are they not worried/bothered at all, or should we prepare to go full on supernatural prepper mode and look for underground bunkers for our RO? 😳

If it's the latter i'm guessing my MC is going to check if Sin is willing to side hustle as our RO's bodyguard...

Whether RO agrees to it or not.

(Yes Adam/Ava and Mason/Morgan i'm talking to you!) because I WILL protect you against your will. Deal with it or I swear i'll go full on lovey dovey mode on you, with daily, heart on your sleeve love confessions and love poems.

That I will read out in public.

Everywhere you go, you'll find roses waiting for you. There will be no escape from the sweet and sincere love MC holds for you.

Then I will force you to watch every single sappy romance movie on this planet!

EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

So shut it and get in the bunker with Sin!

NOW. 😡

Oh, interesting questions for Li-Sar, hehe! :D

As I've said multiple times—and will keep saying, lol!—the villain is very much a villain. They're not like Falk or Sin where things get a bit morally one way or other kind of thing.

Li-Sar is a power-hungry villain.

But, saying that, if you choose to do the romance route fully, then they will love the MC. They will fall as deep as the vampires do.

BUT this is still a villain romance. Li-Sar is not a good person, lol!

The way it will play is like the vampires in that it is a love that is a soul-mate kind of thing, your MC feels for Li-Sar and can't help it (though there will be lots and lots of times to be able to pull out before fully committing to the romance, but once you're in it, you're in it—and I will put a warning in game about when it will be locked in).

As a romance option Li-Sar is intense, tempting, and overwhelming, but also surprisingly gentle and…needful.

-

As for when you can't romance Li-Sar (if you're already on a vampire romance route), Li-Sar doesn't do well with competition, and will make that very plainly clear!

-

Thank you so much for the asks and the message! <3

[xprakzif]

a new kind of love m.sturniolo

the sequel to tell him.

pairings: matt x fem!reader

warnings: use of y/n, some angst, cursing, mentions of anxiety, cheating, mixed feelings, drinking/alcohol

summary: matt and y/n can’t confront eachother after she cheats on her boyfriend with him. but what happens when he finds out..?

“..but i can’t”

it’s been 2 weeks since that day. they couldn’t avoid eachother forever.

before this, the night ended with matt going to the bathroom to clean up. he returned to see y/n gone from his room. he assumed she went back to nick’s.

she was out before he woke up the next morning, no explanation left.

“what’s up with you?” nick shouted.

matt had just had a sudden outburst on his brothers while filming a new video. they were in the car talking, chris telling a story about one of their friends.

he was upset, no he was pissed. pissed at her.

he didn’t want to hate her but he felt like he did. she kept playing games with him.

“hello?” nick smacked matt’s shoulder from the backseat to awaken him from his mind.

“what, bro?!” matt replied sternly.

“dude, turn the camera off for a second.” chris obliged nicks words and reached over to press stop recording. “seriously, matt. i get like the whole attitude and misery is your thing, but that wasn’t for show. i could tell.”

“yea, you good?” chris added.

matt was still with his head low, avoiding their stares. he couldn’t just tell him he fucked their bestfriend, now he thinks he’s in love with her. especially when she just announced her new relationship.

“i’m good..” he whispered. nick and chris spared a glance that read he was lying. but being so tired and ready for bed, they excused it and continued filming.

the ride home was almost fully silent, occasional conversation from nick and chris along with the radio, but matt stayed silent and went straight to bed once they arrived.

meanwhile, y/n was stressing hardcore. what could she expect? she did it to herself.

she’d been distant from the triplets as well as kian. her phone would display messages from nick, or their group chat, but she would swipe them away and continue her day.

it was around midnight when she received a message from a unsaved number.

:hey i’m having a party at this club that was rented out. would love for you to come!

the next message was the address and other details. she never gave her number out to anyone, so she knew it was someone of acquaintance.

a party could clear her mind. one night of fun wouldn’t hurt right? …

“girl where have you been? i haven’t heard from you in a minute!” tara was at the party and the first to greet y/n. they didn’t know eachother that well, only meeting a few times because of the triplets, but they still clicked.

“just trying to get by honestly, but you look hot!”

the two embraced, tara smelling of strong liquor.

“jake is over there, if you wanna say hi. not sure where anyone else is though, i’m drunk!” she shouted playfully and ran away to get more drinks.

standing in the corner of the dark club, lights flashed around her and the bodies present. she stood mostly to herself after saying hi to some friends.

she didn’t really wanna drink, though it would pause the constant anxiety running through her body.

but something made her really wish she did.

“y/n! hey- i’ve missed you!”

it was nick. thank goodness. for a second she thought it was matt. they look nearly identical.

“oh! hi nicky!” they squeezed eachother in a tight hug, soothing her nerves just a little.

a party always brings people together! even the ones you try to avoid.

trailing slowly behind him was chris. he hadn’t noticed her, too busy greeting people along the way. she was mentally praying and begging to god matt wasn’t with them.

nick brought her back to life, “what have you been up to? i really wanna catch up!”

“yea- it’s only been a few weeks nick,” she gulped

“i know, but we usually talk everyday?”

“i’m sorry, i just.. i have so much on my plate right now,” she peered behind nick to see chris had disappeared.

“totally understandable. maybe we could hang- or do you wanna come spend the night? if you’re not busy, i have so much to tell you!” he appeared excited to catch up with her, smiling with each word.

she wanted to throw up on the spot. spending the night was a terrible idea. but she couldn’t decline, it was her bestfriend and she never knew how to say no.. clearly.

“yea, i can..” she let out regretfully

nick couldn’t tell this over the colors swishing past her face and the blaring music, so he nodded gratefully.

he stood by her side for a while, swaying to the music, she was looking around the room.

spotting chris, she quickly looked away noticing he saw her.

once she checked back, he was coming toward her and nick. but matt was right behind him. of course he was there, any other time he hated partying, but he was in the same boat as her.

panicking, she grabbed nick by the wrist and pulled him to the middle of the crowded dance floor. she started moving to the song, signaling him to follow her lead in which he did.

chris on the other hand turned back to matt confused if he’d seen. matt played it off. shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders.

in reality, he saw it all. he had his eyes on her the moment they walked in.

his chest tightened, he didn’t expect her to be there.

his head started spinning all over again. he wanted to leave so eagerly, but he couldn’t let her win.

he knew how he felt, he was just in denial.

chris began walking the opposite direction, making matt follow along before losing him.

in y/n’s head, she remembered the offer nick gave her. she’s going to have to ride home with them. awesome.

nick grew tired of dancing. he shouted for her to follow him but she couldn’t hear. he then put his arm around her shoulder to guide her through the crowd.

he led her to a small booth, the seats were glossy black with a few strangers occupying them. sitting down, “i’m so glad i caught you here, but i’m honestly ready to go”

“agreed. i miss my baby”

“kian? girl have you been too busy for him too?” nick asked

“no! i mean shadow!”

“oh the cat! sorry, lowkey forgot matt got you one”

speak of the devil! chris appeared around the corner from the booth, matt trailing behind like a shy child.

“i’ve been looking for y’all!” chris yelled. he sat between nick and y/n, giving her a quick side hug by throwing his arm over her shoulder.

matt took the seat on her opposite side, being sure to leave a gap between them. she knew he was there, she just couldn’t bare to look.

nick and chris joined conversation about their experience and if they were ready to head out.

chris whipped his head around to ask the two next to him if they were ready as well, only gaining nods.

“what’s wrong, you always sit in the front?” nick concerned as y/n started for the back seat of the suv. she knew it was common for her to fight with chris for the passenger seat, this time she didn’t fight.

“nothing, i just know chris is gonna cry over it.”

“it’s fine, you can take it tonight” chris added, lightly pushing her aside to climb in the backseat.

she smiled sarcastically and he shut the door.

sitting in the seat, matt was already behind the wheel starting the car. he didn’t bother asking if everyone was good like he usually did. he just pulled off.

arriving to the home after an awkward ride, nick brought her to his room to change and sleep.

she wore one of his t-shirts and a pair of fluffy pajama pants with some type of animal printed all over them.

nick crashed as soon as he finished showering. she joined him when she was done hers, trying her best to fall asleep.

all she could think about was how things would go the following day. nick planned for them to all go out to eat and catch up. she knew something would probably go wrong.

on the other hand, she wondered how she truly felt about kian. he was so nice, he cared about her, and he was loyal. unlike her.

he was currently at his apartment, watching over shadow while she went to party.

she texted him on the drive back to the triplets place that she would be hanging out with them the next day, but she would be home after. he didn’t mind.

suddenly she felt nauseous. becoming aware that matt was just a room away. the room she was once in. she knew if she wanted to stop feeling this way, she had to confront them both.

she didn’t know if it was because she was sleep deprived, or just delusional, but she found her self sneaking out of nicks room.

soft socks hit the floor as she tip toed into the hallway. standing in front of matt’s bedroom door, she hesitated seeing the lights off from underneath.

she lifted her fist ready to knock.

the feeling of nausea suddenly went away, she came to her senses. she couldn’t do it.

maybe it was her guilt, maybe it was her subconscious telling her matt was on the other side of the door, waiting to exit his room to talk to her too.

she would never know that though.

sunlight peeked through the curtains in every room of the house. nick was the first awake and went on his phone immediately. opening tiktok, the volume was on full blast, waking up the girl next to him.

“i’m so sorry” he giggled while she groaned.

“what time is it?” she rubbed her eyes and sat up.

“9am, no one’s gonna wake up anytime soon” he reassured knowing chris and matt would wake up around noon after staying out late.

“oh.. well i’m up now.”

“oh- i was gonna ask you where’d you go last night but i’m assuming it was to the bathroom or something?” nick asked, switching to instagram in the process.

the sound of her heartbeat could be heard in the quiet room, remembering what happened last night.

almost choking, she nodded, “yea.. bathroom”

around 1:30pm, nick and y/n sat in the living room with chris. nick was on his laptop editing a video for their channel, chris was nearly falling back asleep on the separate chair, wrapped in a blanket.

she layed back with her legs curled to her side, watching nick work his magic.

matt was awake. he knew they were all in the other room. he just couldn’t take the anxiety building up in his chest. he stood sitting on his bed, trying to clear his mind tapping through stories, though it only made things worse.

on nicks story was a selfie of him and y/n, the next was a video of her dancing and laughing at the camera last night.

he closed the app and threw his phone on the bed. he had to face it one way or another.

“good-fucking-afternoon sleepyhead!” matt walked into the living room gaining remarks from nick.

matt hummed a response. the only seat available was right next to y/n.

they both swallowed nerves as he took the seat, leaving a distance.

nick interrupted this awkward moment, “i made reservations at 5 for us to eat, nothing too fancy but i wanna catch up!”

“sounds great..” she was barley moving, yet alone breathing. trying her best to avoid looking in matt’s direction.

chris groaned from his spot still trying to wake up.

minutes went by in silence. something unusual for the group.

“was the hangover that bad? y’all barely even drank last night why are we so quiet?” nick blurted out.

no one responded. she finally turned to matt, he was already looking at her. she felt a different feeling this time. a mix of nervous and ..love?

it couldn’t be. she loved him, but wasn’t in love. right?

she took a shower, put on some spare clothes nick had of hers, and finished getting ready to go out.

she stood in the room until it was time to go. in fear of another weird encounter.

“are we ready?!” chris yelled out from the hallway.

“yes, yes we are.” nick opened the door to his room revealing himself and y/n. they were matching in all black outfits.

“y’all are ridiculous,” chris laughed looking them up and down.

they arrived to the dim restaurant and were seated in a booth.

nick was next to her while chris and matt sat across. nick caught her up on his love life and some drama while the other two were on their phones. after ordering, they enjoyed their meals together and shared other stories.

matt was quiet. almost completely. he would chime in here and there, or if he was asked a question.

she noticed this and felt guilty.

they collected the bill and payed, getting out the booth. it was a decent walk to the exit, they were on the upper level.

“y/n, how’s shadow? you need to bring him over before he gets too big!” of course chris had to mention the one thing that tied her to matt.

his head shot up to look at her waiting for her response.

“yea, he’s good, a little bit of a trouble maker though. he’s um.. he’s with kian right now..”

matt felt like he’d been punched in the gut. why did he expect any less? he wished that day he got shadow from the shelter, when he surprised her with him, she would finally be his. but kian was in the picture.

he was so deep into his thoughts he didn’t notice chris and nick walking away from them.

“hold on-matt!”

“where you going?”

“bathroom. did you not just hear us?” chris barked. him and nick just explained they had to use the restroom.

matt stopped in his tracks, y/n assumed he would go with them. he just stood in front of the hallway to the restrooms, leaning against the wall across from her.

she looked anywhere but at him.

“y/n..” his voice was soft, almost a whisper

barley heard from the faint music and talking. there was no one else in the area they were in.

finally making eye contact.

“hmm?” she felt like crying.

“uh- where’ve you been? you didn’t call or anything- you just disappeared,” he started, expecting a response.

“i’ve been.. busy. you know that.” she looked down.

“y/n.”

nothing.

“really? too busy to call- let alone text? the bare minimum!” his voice raising a bit as he stepped closer.

“matt, why do you care?” she didn’t mean for it to come out that way.

he was taken back a bit, “what? why do i care?! you know why i care, y/n. i care becaus-“

“alright! let’s go.” chris interrupted matt’s speech walking out the bathroom with nick following behind.

they walked right in between the two.

y/n looked at him before following them out.

matt drove them back to the house.

he went to his room, but so did chris and nick, y/n joining nick. “wanna help me edit this video? i’m kinda stuck and i want it to be fun.” nick mentioned. he grabbed his laptop and layed in bed next to her.

she wanted to confide in him about what’s been going on. it wouldn’t be a good idea though, he already knew too much about kian. she told nick everything. almost everything.

she was lost.

going to an outsider wouldn’t help. a female friend would only encourage her to do the wrong thing. a family member would judge her. her only other choice was chris.

he knew matt more than anyone, but she couldn’t just straight up tell him she fucked his brother, now she thinks she’s in love with him.

“yea- hold on i’ll be right back, i wanna ask chris something.. about shadow,” she lied. she didn’t want nick to think she had a secret. he would force it out of her.

“chris?” she pushed the door that was already half way open. he was sat in the middle of his bed with music playing from a speaker.

he looked up and turned it down, “what’s up?”

“can i ask you something? like in a serious matter.”

“of course. wait, as long as it’s not about like female body parts-“

“chris!” she shut the door, running over and smacking him on the arm.

“okay- okay! what is it?”

she thought for a moment on how to word it.

“have you ever had to chose between two important people?”

“dude, i’m a triplet. what you think?” he replied sarcastically.

“you’re so annoying. i’m serious, how do you know.. like who to chose?”

he looked her in the eye, “you kinda just.. feel it? its kinda like knowing what’s best for you- or them- who are we talking about here?”

nearly blurting out their names, she bit her tongue.

“um..”

“you can tell me. i won’t snitch.”

“no- it’s confidential, just go on..”

he nodded, he examined her face for a second before continuing, “well, you know how when you really love someone, nothing else matters but their happiness? if you feel like you’re falling for someone else, then you would chose that person, ‘cause if you truly loved the original person, you wouldn’t think you love someone else.”

she took in what he said. it was rare to have conversations like this with chris, she enjoyed it.

“let’s say.. you love someone, but they love someone else, then what?” she added.

“you let them be happy. even if you’ve loved them for years and now you’re too late..” his gaze trailed down to his hands resting on the mattress. his expression saddened, he seemed to be familiar with the feeling.

she brushed it off, thinking it wasn’t anything.

“oh.. thanks, chris. i really needed to just ask someone.”

he looked back at her, she was getting up from her spot ready to walk out.

“mhm. wait- y/n?” he stopped her.

“yeah?” still turned to the door.

“this about matt and kian?”

frozen in her stance.

her chest nearly exploded from fear. “w-what? what do you mean? i- um, did he s- tell you something?” she faced him again.

“nah, i just know you guys fucked that day i came in his room looking for my hoodie. i just didn’t wanna embarrass you..”

there’s no way. he knew all this time.

“chris..” she didn’t know what to say. she was terrified he’d ruin all of this.

he got up from the bed to walk toward her. “i didn’t tell anyone, and i won’t. okay? don’t worry.”

she nodded in relief.

“but y/n,” she looked up at him. “you need to make up your mind. i love you, but he’s my brother.”

sighing, he was right. chris loved his brother and didn’t want him hurt in the end. regardless of how he felt on anything.

“i know..”

the night ended. she was back at her apartment. it was early morning around 7am.

the buzzer sounded in every room of the apartment.

“coming- hold on!”

the door opened to reveal kian with shadow in a small black carrying bag.

“my boys! come in,” she moved aside fighting the knot in her stomach. today was the day.

“he was really fun, i noticed he loves tearing apart curtains.” kian stepped in having a seat in the living area. he took shadow out the bag letting him roam free.

“tuh! look at those!” she pointed to the white curtains covering the sunset window which had tears and scratches at the foot. kian chuckled, she leaned down to kiss his cheek before sitting.

“so, i wanted to talk to you..” she began. she trembled a bit with anxiety. kian was gentle when it came to serious topics, why was she terrified of his reaction? something was telling her this wasn’t gonna go well.

“i wanted to talk to you too- you go first though.”

odd, what could he have to tell her?

she let out a breath, “okay! kian, i really love being with you.. i do, you’re amazing really and i appreciate everything you’ve done for me but-“

the buzzer went off.

“oh, were you expecting someone?” he questioned, about to get up to answer for her.

“no.. i got it. one sec,”

she unlocked the door, slowly pulling it open trying to see who it was.

“matt? what are you-“

his face was red, eyes were puffy and clear signs of stress was visible when he interrupted her, walking in a bit.

“i- i love you, y/n. i can’t get you out of my head- it’s driving me insane! i don’t know what you’re doing to me- ever since we had sex- even before that, i’ve been so down bad for you!” he sobbed.

she was stunned.

she looked to her left, kian was stood up. she never seen him look so hurt, so betrayed. did he hear matt correctly?

matt turned to see what made y/n look so horrified.

kian and matt made eye contact.

“what?”

“kian.. i-”

YALLLLLL don’t hate me 😭

tag list: @jcrabtree11 @xaristhings @4iriss @045696 @fallingforfalll2 @starzinasblog

[hollowtones]

my month-late PAX West post (& a catalogue of some things I saw and did and bought in September / late August)

PAX West was very fun this year. It was my first ever PAX and it was my first convention at all in maybe a decade. Any excuse to see friends is a good one & I love hanging out with the RTVS crew whenever I have the time and money to travel. ^_^ I even got to see some friends I've never seen in person before!!! (Thank you to Jill and Evan for the "Petal Crash" pin & thank you to Taxi for stealing my name tag by accident.)

I am very shy, and I have very severe social anxiety that causes me a lot of problems in my day-to-day life, so I almost didn't go to the RTVS meetup. People there were very sweet, though, so I'm glad I did. It feels very heartening to have people come up to you and tell you what the things you've made have meant to them. It was very hard to not cry. LOL

If you stopped by to say hi, thank you very much. I've been thinking about it through all of September and smiling a lot about it. ^_^

The rest of this post is largely pics of things Puzz and I picked up for ourselves. (And a little bit of talking about some other things we did.) I thought it would be fun to catalogue them. I tend to be a little thrifty, so I got to splurge on my wife. LOL

These were mostly things we got for Puzz because I didn't want to worry about lugging things home in a suitcase. But she keeps telling me they're our things, which makes me smile every time I think about it. Some of the pins are for me. I'd like to put them on my backpack... Hopefully they don't fall off. Jackie and Dodogama are friends.

The "Chicory" bag is a bit of a funny story. Puzz and I saw the "Beastieball" booth in the corner of the indie section. Very fun demo. Very cute booth. They have cool merch! I thought I saw Lena Raine working the booth, and I got really shy & nervous about making a poor impression, so I just kind of hid behind my partner. (I wish I had said hi, in retrospect... but we live and we learn...) So we just kind of shuffle off to the merch desk and talk to a very nice man there while we pick up some things. I work up the guts to say that I really like these games and that they mean a lot to me!! The guy says, well thank you, that means a lot to me and the team. Wow! Real swell guy, I'm thinking to myself. A day or two later Puzz and I are out to lunch with some friends and I just suddenly go eyes wide & mouth agape because I put two and two together in my head and realize Oh holy shit that was Greg Lobanov wasn't it. LOL

Puzz found a cheap copy of "999: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors" for the DS at a retro game store's pop-up. They also had "A Bug's Life" for Game Boy Colour and a strategy guide for "Gex 3", both of which I wish I had picked up.

Mr. Basculin was a gift from Jake. Good news! Mr. Basculin is still alive.

This is all stuff that was given to me as gifts. (Aside from the con badges. They make you pay for those.) You've probably already seen the Bibi that Jake made me. "Chicken Run" was also from him. "Zapper" was from Puzz and the Gumby game (& the Bad Boe sticker) was from Scorpy. These games fuckin suck asshole!!!!!!!!! I'm obsessed with them & I'll cherish them forever. I also got a little rock and a human dog keychain.

I think Scorpy said a fan gave this to him at PAX East to pass to me eventually. I'm having a hard time reading the @ on it, but on the off-chance you see this: thank you so much. Every time I think about it I get a little teary-eyed. I want to get myself a little picture frame for it. (This is the first time someone's given me fanart like this before, and it made me very emotional. LOL)

Puzz and I only got 2-day passes for PAX, so we spent the rest of our time in Seattle hanging out with friends and seeing the sights. I don't feel like digging all the photos out right now, but we went to a really fucking nice jazz club (Dimitriou's Jazz Alley - great ambience, really good food, we saw Keiko Matsui live which was life-changing), we visited MoPOP (I hadn't been in years! It was alright! Puzz had some capital-t Thoughts about the whole place which was fun to listen to!), we rode the trains, I got a big bag of Dicks, we walked around downtown. There was this really nice coffee shop that I keep having dreams about, so I hope I can go back to Seattle soon. (Or at least eventually, next year.) Then we went to Portland for a day to say hi to a friend because the state was nearby.

Then we went back to Puzz's place in California. Then there was a major heatwave & a bunch of wildfires nearby... So we didn't have the chance to get out much in September. But that's okay. We've both been tired lately & I think we both badly needed some dedicated Not Doing Things time. It's just a shame that it was enforced by Dangerous Weather Conditions.

We got to visit some local friends and I got to try out more Bog-Standard Mediocre American Food. (Dunkin Donuts is just Tim Hortons. Olive Garden is kind of scary but the salad was really good and the breadsticks were fine. I had a middling hamburger from Jack In The Box tonight. Their milkshake was very good. I'm sure I'm forgetting others.) I went to a Macy's for the first time and the layout of the store made me have a panic attack. We went for nice walks and saw lots of nice critters and plants. I got to swim! I watched a mediocre PlayStation presentation! I turned 30 years old! Puzz took me to a very fancy and really nice Italian place for my birthday, in case you were worried that I was only eating garbage here. LOL

We got a lot of books.

Maybe too many. Also a Miles Davis vinyl for myself & some Gunpla as an early birthday gift for Puzz. And also the cookbook was a gift from family. But I'm very excited to tuck into more of these, hopefully soon. Some were for me and some were for Puzz but knowing us we're going to go "hey, I liked this one, you check it out" or "hey, I didn't like this one, but maybe you will" for a lot of them. I'm gonna start with "Annihilation" and the game essays book. ("House of Leaves" is a second copy for us, because my copy was originally Puzz's and I wanted them to be able to read it too.) I don't have room in my bags for much more than what I came here with, so we're gonna ship some of the books to each other when we're done reading.

It's been a very nice month... I feel very thankful to have a life full of love like this. I don't think I have anything else to add to this post! Thanks for reading.

[melodic-haze]

hear me out brat!chiori x service top!reader where she teases you all the time both in public and private until you just cant take it anymore and finally snap and fuck her until shes sobbing from overstimulation and cant think or speak at all and only begging for you to breed her over and over again

☆ — DEMO TRACK: power bottom!Chiori x service top!gp!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: fem reader with a dick, overstim and.....tbf it's all up in the asks actually

☆ — NOTES: I really shouldn't have been given the ability to read and write idk but anyway I love mean lesbians 🫶 even though ik I'd be scared of them irl (I AM a mean lesbian idk what I'm on about)

Oh my god she's be an INSUFFERABLE brat though???? Not cuz she's cheeky and sly as hell, not like for example Miko, but bc she KNOWS she can easily tease and making you want what you Cannot Have

She'd drop her scissors on accident and bending down in a way that showcases her own specially made lingerie (mostly made with you in mind, though she reserves said special designs for your eyes only—she'd never admit it but designs for YOU and her customers are two completely different things 🤷‍♀️) or make you help her with something and then 'accidentally' grazing skin one way or another (nothing too disastrous, she can't jeopardise her work for ANYONE)

Chiori wouldn't outright say stuff plainly though cuz that's crass and she's much more classier than that, who do you think she is??? She WOULD outright make innuendos and double entendres with a glint in her eye and a mocking tone, however 💀 just to piss you off a bit

"Hold these steady for me, would you? You're capable of that much."

As you scrambled to pin down two bits of fabric on the mannequin, she pulls away with a light smirk. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly at the remark, "I'd like to think I'm a lot more capable than what you've been insinuating the entire day."

"Are you?" She turns away to head to her worktop, "I suppose that with my direction, you can.. well, satisfy basic needs."

"You say that like I'm not capable of directing myself."

"You would lack the necessary finesse to please me."

You couldn't help but roll your eyes, "Thanks for the faith. But we both know you're downplaying what I can do."

"But do we?" The designer turns back to you, sewing equipment in hand and a nonchalant look in her gaze, "Perhaps I've been unimpressed with your performance thus far."

"Then you'd be complaining about me in every waking moment."

"Don't I already?"

"True. Someone really needs to shut you up every once in a while."

"Oh?" She approaches you.. and the mannequin, you supposed, "Mind supplying an example?"

"Uh, me? I think I'm in the best position to do so."

And your lover scoffs mockingly, "You're rather confident in thinking that you could force me down."

"I'm confident that I can put you in whatever position I want."

Perhaps there was something she saw in your eyes, a brief flash of something dark that flickered through for a second, but you see a light flush coat her cheeks as she lets out a shaky exhale.

"..Do tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night," she airily responded as her hands pressed back onto the fabric, to which you took the action as a sign of a dismissal, "Archons know I'm not going to sing you praises or tuck you in at night."

"Hmm."

Ofc it's not limited to your outside interaction, cuz you're hashtag lucky to see it inside too!!!! Yippee!!!!!!!! Get your dose of irritation 🫶🫶 if you're a patient bitch as well then that's even worse cuz she may actually up the ante just for the sake of it in bed. In public she actually appreciates you being understanding with her bluntnese but in private? Lol have fun

It's not that she does it just cuz either, I think she'd do it for the sake of seeing just how much you can take until you snap. She seems like a believer of the whole "raw emotions = raw capability" thing, and she'd definitely test you more than once just to see how much you can take before you flip out

She doesn't say anything about how there's that hidden desire to see you turn things against her and actually put her in her place after she's being such a brat the entire day though

"Ngh..! I said to go-- sssslowER--"

"I.. don't think.. I'll listen to you right now," you managed to force out as you pinned her on the mattress, hammering the brat underneath you with your length as if desperate to paint her insides white.

At some point, your patience had eventually run out. She had this constantly challenging look in her eyes that followed her all the way to the bedroom, and her words had reflected on that too.

You wanted to please her, to satisfy her the way you knew you could, you swore.. but it always wasn't enough for her, or maybe you got it all wrong, or her demands were so unbearably contrasting despite the fact that you could have sworn that her reactions indicated that you were on the right track. Really, you just had no choice but to take matters in your own hands the same way you took this insatiable designer's hair, now loose from its usual style; hard and forceful.

Chiori's hands practically clawed the sheets, her small build helpless as you moved her like some sort of ragdoll—whyever would she fight it, though?

And as if used to obeying your commands, she does. She looks at the vanity mirror just a short distance away from the bed, looks at her ruined makeup smudged on her face, looks at the apex of her thighs that drip and glisten with a mix of her transparent essence and the backwash of your cum.

"This was what you've been aiming for, isn't it? I'm doing what-- fffuuck.. what you demanded of.. of me." You lifted her up without hesitation, with your other hand on her lower abdomen as you continued your relentless pace, "May as well.. mmf.. watch."

Perhaps there was something to the sight that snapped the last of her fighting composure in half—maybe it was the way you forced her to look at your live methods of discipline, maybe it was the way your dick hit a certain spot inside her due to the change in angle, or maybe it was the way you had looked at her in the mirror with a dark, heady mixture of lust and frustration.

Either way, it had her hips practically stuttering as she opened her mouth to scream.. only for nothing to come out save for a broken, cut-off start of such a sound. Her body for a brief moment before going limp and leaning back into you.

You also see—and feel—a deluge of hot liquid squirt out a certain distance and onto your still-moving cock.

Really, nothing about the situation or the reactions you're recieving is deterring you from overwhelming her more than enough to render her quiet and satisfied.

Even as her hands struggled to grip onto your own that's pushing into where her womb is located, where you're hitting her at your deepest, you didn't stop. Even as she sobbed and actually threw her sharp pride aside to plead for you to spare her from further overstimulation, you didn't stop.

Again, why would you? You're going to make sure she comes out of this sated.. even if that did mean fucking a few braincells out of your lover.

(Though with the way she was smiling whorishly, you have more than a feeling that she wanted you to do so.)

(..Not like you'd ever use such language aimed at her outside private walls, lest you want to experience her ire rather than her desire.)

Get it?? Cuz. Cuz like. Desire??? Des-ire?????? Haahahhahahahahah oh my god I think I'm gonna go ballistic one day

She loves being treated like a classy lady, she loves being treated like a queen, but she ALSO loves being roughhoused and railed to the moon and back—she's not a delicate bitch she can handle it 🤷‍♀️ just like how she Knows you can handle a bit of a bratty personality (though really such a thing should probably be guaranteed anyway to be with her without getting all ratty)

She'd call you a fuckign brute, she'd call you names, but at the end of the day all she'd want is for you to fill her and fuck her until nooooo coherent thought is left 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

It's satisfying at the end when you're done when Chiori's simply laying there, eyes completely glazed over as she struggles to get back to reality as you've painted her insides (and outsides tbh) white. Maybe this is your own artform, with Chiori's being clothing design AHAHAHA anyway 🫶

"So how'd I.. ugh," you unceremoniously flopped onto the bed, grimacing at the very wet sheets and the inevitable cleanup you're dreading of doing later, "how'd I do?"

"..."

"Chiori? Babe?"

"..Give me a minute, would you?" She groaned out hoarsely, her usual grace to her movements and edge to her voice gone and replaced with a much more.. relaxed, casual tone, you supposed, "Asking a girl to rate your performance after using her like a feral beast is in poor taste."

"Okay, but you more than asked for it, really."

"I don't recall doing such a thing."

"You're only especially difficult when you want that sort of treatment."

"I'm never difficult for no good reason."

You raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

Your girlfriend stares you down with a tired glare.. before relenting shortly after with an affectionate eyeroll, "I told no lie, I needed the break from..."

"Thinking?"

"Yes. Perhaps."

"Bad week?"

"Annoying clients."

"I can ward them away for you," you suggest as you opened your arms to her.

"No need—I can do so myself." You half expected her to keep you hanging until you decide to drop your arms.. but then she moves closer to you, eventually letting herself be enclosed in a hug, "..But thank you for the offer."

Any form of initial surprise from the acceptance in affection easily melts into that warm buzz that never fails to make you happy every time Chiori indulges in something remotely affectionate, "You're welcome."

..Perhaps clean-up can wait later.

The surprising thing would never be how bratty she is or how depraved she becomes with enough of a push tbh, but rather her showing blatant affection for you at any given time. Post-coital afterglow doesn't necessarily give her much of an extra urge to cuddle—if anything she's usually averse considering how sweaty and gross it'd feel to her after........but surprise affections are a very VERY welcome surprise :3

Tbh even then idk if sex is a common thing that happens between you, even when you're in a relationship 🤔 but it'd still be juicy either way. Something about how absence makes the heart grow fonder, except it just makes your cock go harder idfk LMAO

It's like 2 am rn guys this is my only explanation for all this

[aiscapades]

thinking out loud abt recent discussions in the touchstarved/obscura fandoms :) literally just my own personal opinion !!!!!

i can't stop thinking abt cirrus bc he's honestly what i want so badly for the touchstarved LIs. it's what i wanted for count lucio.

i was reading y'all's opinions abt the touchstarved marketing and your concerns abt how the game is gonna turn out, and while i was understanding, i also was so confused abt .. where this sudden concern was coming from. and then i played obscura and i was like oh! i didn't know a game could be like this! i didn't know a demo could be like this! i had entirely different reactions to the obscura demo than i did the touchstarved demo

—and yeah that's comparing two totally different games, different studios, different projects. the touchstarved demo served to introduce the characters and the world and it did that wonderfully. it's satisfactory. it's not that they did anything wrong?? but i cannot deny they gave me two insanely different reactions. i was YELLING when cirrus was doing his shit. it was like what i imagine watching trashy reality tv is like. or like watching one of those poorly-made TV movies and just enjoying the ride. i was hollering and jumping out of my chair and GAWKING at the screen. like cirrus was real and he was really saying this insane shit and i was SO ON BOARD and selecting every insane option the game gave me. it was just so wild. and it was so, so fun.

so i thought abt it more and i was like yeah. i actually see where this concern is coming from. rss keeps their stuff so close to their chest that it's hard to tell what routes they're taking, how they're dealing with certain issues, how deep the character arcs go, etc. i have no idea how fucked up their version of monstrosity gets, and for a game that is ENTIRELY about monsters and monstrosity, that definitely gives me pause. we don't know anything. they drop hints and we guess and theorize, but we don't know anything. we know leander is fucked up. we know they're all fucked up. in what way? who knows. does mhin murder people as a giant crow beast every night? we don't definitively know. we kinda assume that based on lore drops, but we don't know. but then other studios are doing semi-regular q&as and dropping information into the laps of their fans on a daily basis (lost in limbo??? hello? every day i get a notif that they've told us something new, either abt ALL the characters or about the world). idk how early obscura devs have been answering questions but they're also doing something similar. but for rss you can send in questions and you're probably never gonna hear back. you can't just ask them what song the m5 LIs would sing on karaoke night and get a response 🧍🏼 they don't do that. which isn't to say it's WRONG of them—i'm not saying they're being bad game devs by any means—but it's definitely a different way to handle game development compared to these other studios we follow.

that lack of fan involvement and information sharing is where the concern comes from, i think. at least on my part!

i mentioned count lucio earlier and i want to elaborate why. firstly, he's my favorite character of all time. i've been writing a fanfic for him for 2 years, and it's nearly 200k words (i'm taking a break from it rn). like i love lucio as a character so, so deeply. is it because of the arcana game? no, actually. it's because of the POTENTIAL his character has. it's because of what the FANS have pulled from him and shaped him into.

the arcana was on the app store. it had such strict rules about what it could and couldn't be. and yeah i can rant about how dumb nix hydra is for taking the mico-transaction phone app route, but my point in all of it is that the devs failed lucio. i think they fumbled a lot, with the other characters as well, but lucio was their watch mojo top 10 biggest anime fails of all time #1 spot.

his bad ending shows him as the new DEVIL and dictator of the world??? and we got to see none of that. his whole route woobified him to pieces. he's just a lil meow meow. he's Baby. he didn't know better. he just made some Oopsies 👉🏻👈🏻 uh oh!!

like he was the main VILLAIN of the story and they turned him into a manchild. the wasted potential of this guy is insane. and i guess i saw that and thought "i can make this motherfucker so much worse" and i did that and will continue to do that. so have his other fans. people have rewritten his route altogether because it was so unsatisfactory.

there's overlap from the arcana in the rss dev team. do i think touchstarved will be the new arcana? nope!!!! but am i also worried they'll play it safe because they think the fanbase wants conventionally loveable love interests? yeah. i absolutely see the concern. it's very real and very there. does red spring studio KNOW we want truly monstrous characters? do they? we're just hoping they do.

leander doesn't have to be just like cirrus. none of them have to be anything. but i do want them to be monstrous. i want to FEEL something the same way i feel something when cirrus orders me onto my knees. like not even in a kinky sexual way. i want to be shocked. i want to hesitate and think "what is this character doing right now? what will i do right now?" i want to be confused and shocked and pleasantly surprised and also horrified. i want the adrenaline high i got while playing cirrus's first chapter. it was like my cptsd was triggered in the best possible way (lmao).

and it's not even about that.

lost in limbo is more fantasy romance than it is horror (save for the goddamn voidbound holy fuck!) but i know that i'll enjoy the game anyhow because i love all the characters. why do i love all the characters? because the devs tell us about them. they don't even have to spoil the game. i know amon smells like chocolate and has a fake southern accent (HELLO?) and that ara can't sing. lost in limbo could be the corniest fucking game and i would still love it because i'm already so attached to the characters.

the reason i turned to lost in limbo and obscura is because my excitement for touchstarved waned. because there's just a once in a blue moon post and it's likely it'll just be a "backers have new updates!" post. which isn't said to shame rss or backers !!!! that's normal and fine and valid!!!! do that!!!! i just mean rss is BARELY giving us what we want. we're stranded in the desert dying and rss is trickling water droplets one by one to each of us. lost in limbo devs are pissing fresh spring water into our mouths at firehose speed. is rss bad for this? no. they're not doing anything wrong. but a natural consequence of their marketing strategy is that fans will move on. i still love touchstarved. i'm going to play it. i'm reblogging fanart and fanfics. i'm posing the mormon leander theory. like i'm still here and still very much active but touchstarved isn't on my mind the way lost in limbo & obscura are.

ravenstar games tells me gael would fail the trial in the tale of orpheus and eurydice and i'm like holy fuck??? holy fuck!!!!!!

would ais? would mhin? i don't fucking know.

and what about elyon and sen? i know they're DLC bonus LIs and they don't need to be fleshed-out as soon as the main LIs. they can be on the back burner until touchstarved comes out. this is fair. but what about them? we know nothing other than 1. elyon is rich because of brothel money and 2. sen is an undead warden? (like a prison guard? like the ppl who watch over vere? i don't even know that for sure) (we also know their flowers but that's barely anything). meanwhile lost in limbo is sharing info about cécile and lázaro as often as their main love interests. they're not forgotten about. i can't even make a mc for sen's route because i know nothing about her!!!!!! which hurts my heart because i love sen. i love the idea of sen. it's the first time a female love interest in one of these games is 1. my type but also 2. not exactly like me (ara i love you but we are twins).

they're impersonal. they are 2D concepts we try to fill out.

maybe rss will tell us the LIs go-to karaoke song after the game releases. or maybe they won't. but there are just so many benefits to sharing that kinda thing and bonding with your fans in that way. that's my whole point. it's not "i need a steady stream of touchstarved content pumped directly into my veins 24/7 or i lose all interest" it's not that!!!!! obviously not because rss doesn't do that and i'm still here. this is my most active blog! i'm having a blast here because the fandom is sick as hell. we're vibing, doing our own thing, and it's great. but rss feels very distant. they are the senobium and we are residents of lowtown wondering when or if things will ever be different. if we're going to have a good day (lore drop or new art) or if things will just continue on as expected.

to reiterate: this post isn't about how rss is doing something wrong or bad or that ravenstar games/rotten raccoons are sososososo much better than rss. rss doesn't have to do everything other studios are doing. that's not what i'm saying. this is just the reality of what rss is doing vs other devs and how i PERSONALLY feel about it. i love them i would literally strap a bomb to my chest and demand my loved ones' credit card info to disarm it for any of these studios/games. i am a fan and i'm hopeful and i want to trust in rss so so so so badly. i want the very best for them. i want them to create a great game and be successful. i want them to be creatively fulfilled and proud of their game. on their own time, their own way. really and truly!

[wings-of-ink]

What are some IFs you recommend on steam? I played arcadie second born (very good game btw) and I'm trying to find some, but I don't really know where to look :C (big sad) so I ask of you, for you thy guidance dear great one 😌

Oh, this is a fun question. I have some VNs as well that I will include. I LOVED Arcadie too! Most IFs I read multiple times, but I devoured that one especially.

I typically use Steam to purchase some Hosted Games IFs or VNs. I don't typically like to read on my phone as much, so it works for me.

I'll list Wayhaven Chronicles & Blood Moon though I feel like they need no recommendation since most know of them, lol. But they have a special place in my little heart.

Another fav of mine is The Passenger, it's one that I read over and over too.

Let's see I also loved, Fields of Asphodel, The Midnight Saga, Vampires Kiss, Royal Affairs, Noblesse Oblige, Creme de la Creme, The Golden Rose, Fernweh Saga, and Fatehaven.

If you like VNs: Gilded Shadows (personal FAV), Bewitching Sinners, Changeling, Crimson Spires, Demonheart, Divine Speaker, Error 143, Obscura (demo-but soooo good already), Royal Affairs, Touchstarved (demo-also soooo good), Tailor Tales, Trouble Comes Twice, and When the Night Comes.

I hope you find some gems in there that you will love, my dear! ^_^

Wait, did you really just call me great one? LOL

[musicismymoirail]

You look up and terror fills you at the sight of the demon that stands a few feet away. Their eyes are inky black, the arms and fingers that grip their sword just as dark.

So. I love the @the-kingshound dearly, and had a blast reading the updated demo yesterday~ I missed the Hound, and everyone really, but oh my! Things feel so so much more damning now. :’)

I wanted to doodle my Hound with their inky black eyes too, and this idea kinda just consumed me?? ^^;; It’s inspired by the Eight of Swords in tarot, and was a lot of fun to slap together.

I have silly ramblings thoughts about this, but I’ll hide them under here.

You can’t see them with the black very well, but Guin’s arm tattoos (I never draw them the same, ever, I’m sorry).

There’s little nods to their siblings (most of them) hidden in them. Guin does love their family, even if it’s also a deeply complicated mess.

I’d say the seven green-gem’d swords for all the Venegard kids but it’s just happenstance that it ended up as seven, lol. Yellow in Guin’s hand is for Arthur though or just Camelot, like the golden sun and red skies are for Camelot to~~

Eight of Swords is traditionally like a person bound and blindfolded surrounded by swords, which is kind-of why Guin is more …passive. It felt more apt to the inspiration and their inner thoughts, which are really none. They were blank and mostly empty during the Rebellion, I imagine?? Guin doesn’t enjoy battles or killing, but does love their family. So, it’s like ‘just detach yourself and do your duty in this mindless killing field’.

I have no real idea what the heck Guin’s wearing?? Realistically, should be armor but alas. Wasn’t in the cards this time. ^^;

And if you read this far, thank you~~~ <3 You’re a champ.

[cochineal-leviat]

Sweet Dreams, Stardust

Okay, so I have a lot of feelings about In Stars and Time. But let me say first, wow, this game irreversibly changed my brain network. For anyone who is considering buying this game, please do. I don't think I've had a story touch my heart and mind like this for a long time. And that goes without mentioning the stunning visuals and entertaining battle system. (Be careful, though, because this game handles heavy topics regarding mental health)

If you're still hung up on buying it but are curious, there is a free demo on Steam if you like to try.

Thank you, @insertdisc5, for this gem of a game. I will be turning it around in my head like a microwaveable gourmet meal for months to come.

Technically the illustration has no spoilers (unless you count Siffrin having a good nap as a spoiler). But I will be going into heavy spoiler territory under the keep reading since I need to get my thoughts on this game off my chest.

And a monochrome version because you know me, I can't help myself. Even in black and white art pieces, I will put in some colour.

And a very tiny Loop

Initially, I was going to do a piece with a theatre stage and the cast (Siffrin, Mirabelle, Isabeau, Odile, Bonnie and the head house maiden) taking a bow and finally leaving the spectacle to a life not controlled by a script and Wish Craft. But it was more fitting to put my feelings into creating a peaceful scene. Like, oof, I needed this very badly. I used sepia to make the painting warmer and added some more details like headcanons. The stars/colours might be remnants of Siffrin's transformation. Or maybe they were always there, but he never paid attention to it. Who knows.

I'm going to keep this brief. Otherwise, this post will take way too long.

I adore Siff's character. It's perfect for a game and narrative such as this. I saw a post not long ago on Tumblr going into depth about how their role as the rogue and not the hero works so well, so I won't linger on it for long. But how they would rather listen and fade into the background perfectly aligns with the player's experience of being the silent observer. (And the nodding off that changes into zoning out. It took me way too long to realise that small but essential narrative change) Oh, and the portrait change! It flew over my head until I was staring at the game menu. I was so confident Siffrin had a mischievous grin and not a frown. I always feel slightly surprised when the party asks for Siff's opinion or mentions that they have been too quiet. I felt Siffrin's excitement like my own when he got excited at finding clues to end the nightmare they were in. So I knew it would end up falling on their face because they were too excited. I just had this bad gut feeling the whole time during Act 4.

And oh boy, speaking off acts. I thought it would have been the standard 3. Boy, I was wrong. Whenever I felt I was nearing the end, I was thrown back at the start with more mysteries than answers. It made exploring the game intriguing since there is almost no information about it online (at the time of writing this post). There is the Discord, but I didn't know about it until I finished it.

This game has a lot of secrets, and I had a lot of fun uncovering them. The looping mechanic works so well in discovering little details and further leads. (even though my stubborn arse kept trying to do everything in the least amount of loops as possible. I thought the ending would be different if I exceeded a 100. My final number is 59. I am still not sure if I should be mad about it not being a rounded number like 60 or that I went over the 50 threshold)

However, it is a good thing that only some mysteries were solved. Like, what's up with colours in this world? Everyone sees in black and white, and the idea of shades and colours is only spoken of in scientific studies. They do exist and are not a part of the disaster that happened to Siffrin and their land. But there is definitely something mysterious about it. I adore how the dialogue reflects this, as the characters do not speak of shades or colours. Isabeau expresses surprise to see a streak of red colouring the sky in Act 6. It makes you think about how colour is perceived and how you describe it. (The lore inside this game is immaculate. I eat this shit up)

We never find out the name of the country north of Vanguard or what it was like. We can only infer that the beaches had black sand, with shells that shine like stars, high-reaching mountains, forests and plains. Which is vague and yet intriguing enough to make you wonder. It connected me to Siff and King because I also wanted to know. I was desperate to know. I needed to know. But in the end, we never will know because that is not the story's point. Siffrin even says in the game, that King should let go because he is hurting everyone and everything, including himself, in his desperation to preserve Vanguard. This is all the more ironic when Siff accidentally does the same with his family and the loops. I might gush more about what the country might be like and their technology in another post. This game makes me want to theorise. This is the first time I've wanted to write and post theories. ISAT fucked me up good.

Which, by the way, was genius. Siffrin and King are mirrors of each other. Siff does not have King's disastrous ambition, but their love/obsession will be the downfall of both of them. They have more than being each other's countrymen in common, and I imagine Siff despises that.

I love the fact King's question to Siffrin before the showdown was/could never be answered. Usually, in a game such as this, you must figure out how to solve everything, especially for the big bad. But that was never the goal. King is a delusional monster who will not stop before achieving his dream. He will raze everything to the ground and hurt many people because he must succeed. It is what he desires. Nay, the universe wills it. What a witless excuse that can easily be made into someone's truth. Especially to somebody who is driven mad with grief.

How King's character's done is so excellent. Because, at first, I wasn't scared of him at all. He was just the big bad, and I felt nothing much but the glory of victory when Siffrin outsmarted him by looping and making sure Mirabelle learned the shield spell that would protect the party from freezing in time. But each time you fight him, you get more frustrated until Siff figures that talking to him might be fruitful. It does, but unfortunately, you and Siffrin leave yourself emotionally and mentally vulnerable. King stops being a one-dimensional villain and changes into an actual person. Someone you can sympathise with and possibly mend peace with without fighting. You and Siffrin opened his heart for a kindred spirit and got hurt.

King stopped being a monster and became human. And while monsters are wretched, humans have intent behind their cruelty. I felt so betrayed, so angry, but most of all - terrified. I felt it when Siffrin spiralled when fighting King again after their actions caused such a catastrophic turn of events for Bonnie. Every time after that, the fight with King felt tense and nerve-wracking in a dreadful way. Because even victory could not soothe the dread I felt. (The track 'It's finally over" will forever haunt me. I already feel anxious whenever it cycles to that when I listen to the playlist)

He was not, however, the final villain, even though everything that happened was King's fault. You were always your greatest enemy (or Siffrin in this case, since you are supposed to be Siffrin). I never could have guessed that the whole reason why Siffrin could not escape the loops was because Siff accidentally wished to never let go of their friends. This reminds me of Modaka Magica, where (spoilers for the OG anime) Homura goes back in time so much that the universe ties itself around Modoka, making her a waiting egg whose wish and magic will be massive when she becomes a magical girl. The one thing Homura was trying to prevent.

(Siffrin and Homura are identical in that sense. Shy characters who are loyal to a fault but are rendered into something cold, bitter and cutting by their traumatic experiences. Only Siff has people who care about them and would do anything to save him, too, whereas Homura never lets go, making the world a worse place to live in. Yes, I did go into doomed Yuri. That anime lived in my mind rent-free in my mind for years)

The Head House-maiden not being the villain was also a great touch. I am used to the apparent antagonist turning out not to be the big bad and the trusted, friendly character ending up being the evil one. Twist villains no longer work when everyone expects them to be villains.

That was my biggest theory as I played. The second biggest being that Loop is someone who enjoys Siffrin's suffering. I am so glad that was also not the case. They are apathetic but not cruel. Never intentionally, anyway. They were like the player, urging Siffrin to go deeper into the mystery to solve it. Ultimately, I chose and made cold and cruel decisions simply because I wanted to see what would happen. So yeah, I warmed up to this cosmic star thing as the game went on and even started trusting them. Act 5 really is a punch in the gut. I am so sorry, Loop. Thank you for coming through in the end.

Oh man, this is so long, and I haven't even gone into the main cast. I will leave that for another post. They are such great characters, as are the people of Dormant and the House. (Don't think I don't see the wordplay in this game. Very clever)

Going into this game completely blind was the best experience I could have had. I felt anxious, happy and scared so severely that my neurons were rearranged. I don't know if there are more endings (aside from the obvious action of attacking Odile in the True(?) ending of the game), but I am taking a break from it to make art and write for this game before I dive back into despair-o-land.

Anywho, thank you for coming this far and reading my ramblings. Have a fantastic day or evening further! o(*'▽`*)ブ

[leapingbadger]

Cadets

So, this started as part of the WIP tag game and took on a life of its own and veered in a totally different direction. I had a fun time trying to write the Batch as cadets though. Hope you enjoy it.

Summary: Young Hunter struggles with his enhancements during an off-world war game, the results of which could have a scary outcome.

Read on AO3

They had been on the jungle moon for two rotations now and there was no sign of when the test would end. Their surely instructor had dropped them off in a LAAT with Hunter, Crosshair and Tech hanging to the sides of the door opening, Wrecker being the only one tall enough to reach the handles above their heads.

The packs were heavy on their backs as they traipsed through the jungle, Hunter in front, quickly followed by Tech, Crosshair and Wrecker bringing up the rear.

Hunter lifted his right fist as he paused, crouching, his palm digging into the dirt in front of him. “I think we’re getting close,” he said, turning the dirt over in his palm before bringing it to his nose.

“I still do not understand what the smell of dirt could possibly tell you about our position.” Tech said, holding his datapad above his head for a better signal.

“I don’t know how to explain it. They passed through her about thirty minutes ago. If we keep going on this trajectory, we should be able to reach them before dark,” Hunter responded.

He didn’t blame his brothers for their confusion, he still wasn’t sure how his enhancements worked or how they were supposed to be helpful when they were eventually cleared for duty. It was clear that Crosshair’s marksmanship would make him a dangerous foe to the separatists, same with Wrecker and his brute strength and demo skills. Tech could figure out any problem in a split second, work on mechanics and knew everything there was to know about science.

When compared to his brothers, Hunter felt silly. He could sniff dirt and track animals, which didn’t seem like a very helpful skill when he was supposed to grow up to fight droids.

“Let’s get a move on then,” Crosshair said grumpily. His curly white hair had exploded in the humidity, sticking out at odd angles and making him look like he had a halo above his head. Hunter had offered him one of his bandanas but had been rudely rebuffed. But that was nothing new when it came to Crosshair.

They continued on, pausing occasionally for a rustle in the trees above or a strange smell that crossed their path. For every time they stopped, Hunter could feel his brothers getting more exasperated.

Hunter pulled his training blaster from its holster, “I think they’re up ahead,” he said, hedging his bets just in case he was wrong and at risk of gaining the ire of his brothers.

“Let me look,” Crosshair snapped, climbing a low branch of a tree above and peering narrow eyes into the clearing. “They’re there alright.”

Crosshair jumped down, a triumphant look on his face. He lowered his voice, “We need to spread out and rush in. Hunter and I will take the front, Wrecker and Tech the back.”

“I feel the need to point out that this is not your mission, Crosshair. Hunter has been given the commanding role for this exercise.” Tech said, pushing his goggles up his nose and turning to his oldest brother.

Hunter felt all eyes on him and fought the urge to turn away.

“Hunter doesn’t have a plan, do you?” Crosshair quipped.

Hunter turned to look through the clearing. He could definitely smell the other team of cadets; the adrenalin was practically choking him. Their heartbeats hammered in their chests as well as they waited for the squad to spring the trap. But there was something else, something on the edge of his senses that he couldn’t quite make sense of yet. But it felt like a warning.

“I uh… I don’t think rushing in is the best idea, Cross.” He said at last, trying to avoid his brother’s steely gaze.

“Why not?” Crosshair responded.

“There’s something else there, other than the cadets… I just can’t…”

“Oh, here we go…some kind magic sixth sense that you’ve discovered?” Crosshair quipped with an eyeroll.

Hunter scowled. He knew crosshair was tired and cranky but was getting sick of his attitude. He wasn’t the only one who was hot and hungry.

“Hey, be nice,” Wrecker barked, punching Crosshair lightly on the shoulder. Hunter smiled at Wrecker, the bruiser winked back.

“There’s something else going on here.” Hunter said, more confidently. Boyed by Wrecker standing up for him. “There’s a faint hum that I can’t place, and I feel…tingly…it feels like all my nerves are on fire and I’m getting weird twitches…”

“What do you think it means?” Tech asked, concerned, “It is possible you have contracted some kind of aliment from the vegetation on this moon. Perhaps we should surrender and get you analyzed by the medical staff.”

Hunter shook his head as Crosshair spoke, “We’re not surrendering when we’re this close to completing the mission. If Hunter is sick, I’ll take command. Hunter, stay here, the rest of us will rush the group.”

“Crosshair I…”

“Perhaps he’s right.” Wrecker said quietly. “We don’t want you getting hurt if you really are sick.”

Hunter hung his head and turned to Tech for support. “What do you think?” he asked.

To his disappointment, Tech avoided his gaze as he looked back through the clearing. “Perhaps, in this instance, we should be cautious.”

Hunter nodded his understanding and stepped back from his brothers. He watched from a distance as they disappeared into the woods, tracking their increased heartrates as they made their way in a circle around the other cadet’s base.

Hunter chanced getting closer to the tree line. He may not be able to participate in the end of the mission, but he could at least watch his squad in action. The hum seemed to get louder the closer he got to the edge of the clearing. The hairs on his arms stood on end and every muscle in his body twitched uncomfortably and uncontrollably.

Something wasn’t right. He was sensing something new. Taking out his binoculars he scanned the camp again, his eyes flicking quickly over the squad of six cadets, laughing around a heat lamp.

His eyes finally found the source. He scrambled to his feet and ran back into the dense forest until he was far enough to speak on the comm.

“Crosshair, come in. They have a shield generator. You won’t be able to get through. Crosshair?”

There was no answer.

“Wrecker? Tech? Do you copy?”

Still no response.

Hunter rushed to the edge of the trees again but didn’t see any sign of his brothers. Taking a deep breath, he dashed back into the woods, following the scent of his brothers in the hopes he would come upon one of them before it was too late.

The scents diverged with Tech seemingly going further into the thicket of trees. He followed the scent, quickly picking up his boot prints in the wet mud underfoot.

 “Tech?” Hunter called.

“Hunter?” a voice came from in front of him. Tech’s goggles glinted in the dappled light through the trees.

“Why didn’t you answer your comm?” Hunter asked

“Crosshair wanted radio silence,” Tech said with an eyeroll.

Hunter sighed and pinched his nose. His brother always loved the idea of radio silence, even when it made no sense to the mission.

“They have a shield generator. You won’t be able to get through. Can you hack it? Disable it?” Hunter asked, pulling out his binoculars again to see if his other brothers had made any movement.

“Of course,” Tech said, tapping a few buttons on his datapad. “We need to warn the others though, or they could be injured. How did you discover this information?”

“I looked,” Hunter said, simply. But Tech didn’t seem satisfied.

“The feeling you had. Do you think you were sensing the generator?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Can we talk about this later? “You find Wrecker, I’ll find Cross.” Hunter said, not waiting for an answer before heading deeper into the forest in search of his youngest brother.

Again, he picked up the scent easily and this time looked up when the scent went cold. Crosshair always loved to perch on high during missions.

“Cross? They have a shield generator. Tech’s trying to disable it but…”

“Hunter? What are you doing? You’re going to give away our position.” The sniper spat as he rested on a high branch.

“You won’t be able to get through. They have a shield…”

“You’re no longer in command, Hunter. The others agreed with me.”

“Cross, you’re not listening. They have a shield generator. Your shots won’t get through.”

Hunter watched as Crosshair’s eyes flicked down, a signal he was thinking something through. He turned away from his brother, raised his training rifle and fired a shot.

Hunter watched in disbelief as the blaster bolt hit the shield with a hiss and got caught, briefly illuminating the arching web of protection over the camp and those residing inside it. The heartrates of the cadets pounded in Hunter’s ears as they whooped and gathered their things.

“They’re coming,” Hunter whispered.

Hunter hid in the thick brush as the cracking of twigs and crunching on feet on the ground grew louder.

“I’ll get the flag, you distract them.” Crosshair hissed, sliding down the tree with little effort and darting for the clearing.

“The shield is still up,” Hunter called after his brother, but it was no use.

Hunter did his best to quell his anger. He would have to deal with Cross later. As the footsteps drew near, he crouched into place, not entirely sure how he would distract them other than tackling them one at a time.

Hunter was lucky that the environment of this moon played into his skill set. The dense forest meant sound was insulated to the earth, making his already exceptional hearing all the more concentrated.

He heard the low murmuring of a couple of cadets. Hunter sunk lower into the mud, completely obscured by the foliage on the ground. His training blaster rang out before they even knew he was there.

“Where did that come from?” the taller of the two asked, his eyes scanning the underbrush. The second, smaller cadet raised his blaster, carefully circling the bush Hunter was hiding in. Hunter let out a low growl.

“Get away, what if it’s one of those creatures we found earlier?” the first cadet said, fear evident in his voice.

“Nah, it’s got to be one of the defectives.” The second cadet said.

Hunter closed his eyes, listening intently to the sound of the cadet’s heart beating against his cheat, the breath making his nostrils flare as he tried to control his breathing. He didn’t need his eyes to know he was standing directly in front of Hunter’s hiding spot.

A crack of wood in the distance made the cadets spin around and Hunter took his chance. His arms sprang out of the bush just enough to wrap around the older cadet’s waist and drag him backwards. The training blaster was directly up against the scoring plate when he pulled the trigger.

He pushed his way out of the brush and the stricken cadet unfolded himself from the tangle of branches and leaves.

“What are you playing at, defect?” The cadet spat, his cheeks pink with embarrassment as he brushed himself off.

“You’re out,” Hunter said triumphantly.

“Well, you haven’t won yet.” The cadet said with a scowl.

“We’ll see,” Hunter said before setting off to find his brothers.

He was able to circle back to Tech without coming across any of the other cadets. He bent over panting as he almost collided with his brother whose nose was buried in his datapad, fingers flying at exceptional speed.

“how’s it going?” Hunter asked, breathlessly.

“I have almost got it. We did have a slight distraction in the form of a couple of cadets.” Tech said with a scowl to his left.

Hunter had been so focused on his brothers he didn’t notice the three older cadets milling around, glaring at him.

“So that means there’s only one left. Have you seen Cross?” Hunter asked, grabbing his binoculars from his pack and searching the tree. “He said he was going to get the flag.”

“Negative, although we have been preoccupied. Wrecker?”

“Not me. Haven’t been able to hail him on the comm either.”

“Well, he did request radio silence, Wrecker.” Tech said in an exasperated voice.

Wrecker shrugged, unpeturbed.

Hunter looked over Tech’s shoulder as he continued to prod buttons.

“Maybe I should go look for him,” he said, starting towards the tree line.

“Perhaps we all should. I have one more firewall and…” Tech paused, his eyes narrowing on the screen. “The shield it down.”

The three squad members charged for the clearing. Hunter heard Crosshair’s heavy boot falls as he ran to the flag in the center of the camp. As he broke through the brush first, Hunter saw the flag, proudly displayed on a pole. No match for Crosshair who spent most of his training exercises climbing up high for a better site line.

Crosshair sprinted into the open, his shot at the final cadet narrowly missed as the older clone rolled to the ground. Crosshair continued shooting aimlessly while sprinting.

Hunter, Tech and Wrecker were close on his heels, Wrecker shooting the final cadet, so he was out of the game. He gave a defeated sigh and went to join his brothers on the outskirts of the clearing. They glared at Clone Force 99 as they watched Crosshair scale the pole to retrieve their final prize.

As Crosshair’s hand closed around the flag and he started to ease his way down, Hunter’s senses exploded.

His head snapped sideways to look at the shield generator. It had started to spark and vibrate.

“Tech? what’s happening?” he shouted as a piercing electrical wail echoed in his head.

Hunter dropped to his knees, arms clasped around ears and the sound threatened to cleave his head in two. He looked around, no one else seemed to be affected. He struggled to his feet, trying to push the pain away.

Tech’s fingers flew over his datapad, “I…I am not sure…It appears there is a failsafe.”

“Go. Now,” Hunter said, shoving his brothers and pointing to the cadets at the far tree line. “I’ll get Cross.”

Tech went to protest but Hunter gave him a stern look he knew not to rebuke. Crosshair was oblivious to the drama below and he slid happily onto the grass. He grinned as he waved the flag in Hutner’s face before his smile faltered.

“We’ve got to go, now.”

“Why?” Crosshair asked, oblivious to the intense sensation spread from his ears to the rest of his body. He felt his nerve endings quiver and tingle, all at once. Every piece of his body was on fire as the generator started to self-combust.

“Go,” Hunter shouted again but Crosshair didn’t seem remotely concerned. Only when the generator started to physically shake, spitting out electric blue tendrils in the air did his eyes widen.

“Cross, we have to go, now!” The words were barely out of his mouth before he realized it was too late. Hunter knocked his brother off his feet, throwing his smaller frame on top of him as the shield generator disintegrated, spewing an electromagnetic wave throughout the forest with such force the trees were pushed sideways, some cracking under the pressure of the pulse.

Hunter’s entire body twitched and flailed excruciatingly as the electromagnetic waves poured over him. Crosshair pushed himself out from underneath his brother, turning him over.

“Hunter?” he shouted, his mouth moving but Hunter was unable to hear. He saw Crosshair’s angular face, twisted with concern, hover over his vision before the blackness took him.

***

“I believe he is waking up,” Tech’s clipped voice said.

“You said that thirty minutes ago,” Crosshair murmured.

“Well, without a med scanner it is not exactly a precise science.” Tech responded grumpily.

“Shh, they’ll find us if you don’t keep quiet.” Wrecker whispered with an unusually cautious tone.

“Don’t be such a baby,” Crosshair sneered.

“Don’t call him a baby, Cross.” Hunger rasped.

His three brothers head’s whipped around as he spoke. Hunter tried to open his eyes, but the glaring white light of the room forced him to close them again. Even so, in a short time he could tell he was in the med bay. He noticed the lights dim behind his eyelids and tentatively opened them again.

Wrecker was over by the controls and nodded, seemingly satisfied that it had done the job.

“How long have I been out?” Hunter asked, sitting up and brushing his long hair off of his face.

“Approximately seventeen hours. When they were unable to raise you after the training exercise, we were all medevacked home.”

“Was anyone else hurt?” he asked, casting his eyes around the empty med bay.

His brothers shuffled their feet. “Not really, Crosshair received a few minor scratches from shrapnel, but you bore the brunt due to…um…”

“Being an idiot,” Crosshair said, his eyes flashing.

Hunter’s eyes narrowed, “You’re welcome, Cross” he said sarcastically.

“Hey, I didn’t ask for your help,” his brother said, rounding on him as Wrecker and Tech exchanged a look.

“Well maybe if you’d listened to me the first time, we would both have been clear before…whatever happened, happened.” Hunter finished lamely, realizing he had no memory of what had transpired once the machine had started to malfunction, and he had jumped on top of his brother.

“You have no recollection of the incident?” Tech asked, casting worried eyes at the other brothers.

“No. Just, you know, diving on top of Cross. Why?”

The three boys were silent. Hunter sat up and asked the question again, “Tech, why?”

“You. Um… you looked...”

“…like you were dying,” Wrecker finished, his large brown eyes sad and watery.

“What?” Hunter asked. He looked down at himself. Aside from a few cuts and scrapes he felt fine.

“Your body was twitching all over and you were screaming. You covered your ears before the explosion. I believe you were reacting to the electromagnetic field.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound like something that will help during combat. That sounds like a problem that will get me decommissioned.” Hunter said, desperately trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

Again, the brothers were silently shifting their feet and avoiding eye contact.

“We won’t let them take you.” Crosshair said in a strained voice.

Hunter felt his eyes grow wide. His brothers were rarely this serious, they must genuinely consider him being decommissioned a possibility.

“I do believe it would be advantageous for us to test the hypothesis…”

“Shhh,” Hunter whispered as he started to pick up the faint sound of Kaminoan feet in the hallway. “Someone’s coming. Hide.”

The brothers scattered, Wrecker rolling under one of the beds, Tech squeezing behind a medical cart in the far corner and crosshair cramming himself between the wall and the headboard of Hunter’s bed.

The door opened with a whoosh and Nala Se slowly slunk into the room. Unusually she was alone. She was often accompanied by a series of droids and medical staff, their absence made Hunter’s heart pound in his chest. As the panic took hold a machine to his left started beeping incessantly. He cringed at the noise and the Kaminoan crossed to his bedside.

“Do not fret CT-9901, there will be no testing today. I am simply checking on your recovery.”

The beeping of the machine slowed down in response and Hunter nodded his understanding. She ran a medical scanner over him methodically. He froze as the blue light traced over him, remembering the arching blue electricity that emanated from the shield.

Nala Se took note, restarting the device once it shut off and running it over him again.

“You seem fearful of the device. Does this cause you discomfort?”

“No,” Hunter said honestly but wincing as she brought it closer to his face.

Nala Se’s large black eyes narrowed as she cast her eyes around the room. She stepped over to the cart in the corner, removing a strange device Hunter had never seen before.

“What about now?” she asked, switching on the long, thin wand and holding it under his chin.

Hunter shrank away as the hum of the device seemed to vibrate in his ears. The nerve endings in his cheeks and chin started to tingle and he could feel his teeth as though they were slowly being tugged out of his mouth.

She held the device there longer than was necessary, not just testing his aversion to it but his stamina as well.

“Stop,” a voice called from the corner, “It is hurting him,” Tech said bravely.

Nala Se didn’t stop or turn around, all her attention focused on the scared cadet in front of her.

“Do you feel discomfort now?” she asked calmly.

Hunter swallowed, his throat tight, “yes,” he said.

Nala Se slowly lowered the device but didn’t turn it off, instead setting it at the end of the bed.

“And now?”

Hunter looked from the device to the Kaminoan, “I…um…I still feel it, but it doesn’t hurt.”

Nala Se took hold of the device again and moved it back to the cart, ignoring Tech who was still standing behind it. “And now?” she asked again slowly.

“I can still feel it,” Hunter said, trepidatiously.

“But no pain?”

Hunter shook his head, his eyes quickly darting to Tech for reassurance.

“Very Well. CT-9902, CT-9903 and CT-9904, you will return to your barracks. CT-9901 you will remain in the med bay under observation. We will continue with your testing tomorrow.”

Hunter heard furniture scrape against the floor as his brothers came out of their hiding places. Nala Se waited at the door, presumably to make sure they left. His brothers all gave him a nod, maybe for courage or support. It didn’t really matter, as they filed out Nala Se turned off the light and the room was cast into darkness.

Hunter laid down and pulled the covers up to his chin. The faint whirring of the device still emanating from the corner of the room.

***

“Again” an echoing voice sounded over the central comm in the training room.

Hunter wiped sweat from his forehead as he moved back to first position by the entrance. He watched the Kaminoans in the control room pressing buttons, causing the room to rearrange itself. Walls sank into the floor only for new ones to be raised, creating a personalized labyrinth, just for him.

Hunter chanced a glance up to his left. He knew his brothers would be in The Hole, a storage closet with a perfect view of the training room below. Tech had long ago hacked the lock so they could use it whenever they needed. He couldn’t see them through the tinted glass but knew all three of his brothers were there.  

An unpleasantly shrill chime sounded to indicate the start of the next test. Hunter yawned behind his hand.

“Are we boring you, CT-9901?” a cool voice rang out over the comm?

“No, Sir.” Hunter responded automatically. He hadn’t been sleeping well in the med bay. The isolation from his brother and change in routine made him feel uncomfortable and untethered.

The signal sounded for the second time and now he needed to move. The tests in the training room varied from everything from tracking practice, target practice, war games with other cadets and specialized training for the 99s. His last few days in the room had been the latter.

Nala Se had grown very interested in his reactions to electromagnetic fields. His first fully conscious day in the med bay was spent having various devices waved in front of him to see his reaction. A band strapped to his head measured brain waves and something else he wasn’t sure of.

He must have passed that test because the next day there was a new one. With every test he passed more medical staff entered the room, poking him, staring at him, and talking about him as though he were an object rather than a person.

Today was his third, and hopefully, final day in the training room. The tests had been getting more and more intense, this final one involving counter fire, the canons, and the need for him to find the offending device before the timer ran out.

The test may have only just started but Hunter already knew where the machine was, it was just a question of getting to it. He darted out, shooting out one of the canons on the left and settling behind a low wall.  From this vantage point he couldn’t reach the other canon so needed to get closer.

He sprinted back the other way, blue energy bolts flying over his head. Skidding behind another low wall he sent a bolt at the second canon. It deactivated with a whirr. Hunter could still sense the device, as he had moved the intense tingling on his skin had faded. He stepped into the entrance of the maze of tall walls, taking out training droids easily as he rounded the corners. He could hear the chrono ticking in the background. He closed his eyes to zero in on the device. It was still there but it would take too long to get around all the walls to it.

He looked up at the wall in front of him. The face of it wasn’t completely sheer, there were tiny diverts every few feet. He could climb that, he thought, as he attached his blaster to his back. He gave a quick look to the window of the Hold for reassurance and started to climb.

He reached the top of the first wall quickly, dropping to one knee he took out the remaining doids from above. There were only three other walls in the way. He jumped from one to another before finally sliding down the final wall in front of the device.

Hunter had expected the test to end but the chrono was still running. He looked around, confused and hoping for additional directions but none came. He took the blaster off his back and held it ready, anticipating some kind of attack. The device was almost fully enclosed in a compartment within the maze. He turned to leave and work his way back through the maze when a wall sprang up in front of him, trapping him with the device.

Hunter banged his fist on the wall as he heard the threatening whir of the machine turning on. He searched the room for an escape, hoping to climb out but realizing these walls were sheer and lacking in the handholds necessary.

Hunter again looked up to his brothers as the machine in front of his started to vibrate, blue tendrils curling out in every direction.

Panic had started to grip the young cadet as he traced his hands around the room, desperate for a way to claw his way out. Finally, realizing he was stuck, he looked to the Kaminoan’s in the command booth. He pulled his shoulders back resolutely, closed his eyes and waited for the electromagnetic pulse to engulf him.

He bit his lip as he felt the fire in his nerves. He would not scream this time; he would not give them the satisfaction. As the wave erupted around him, the pain seemed to dissipate. It wasn’t as intense as it had been on the jungle moon. He still felt it, and it didn’t feel pleasant, but it wasn’t painful and was no different from the barrage of tests the Kaminoan’s put him and his brothers through on a weekly basis. The lights of the training room flickered and blinked out before returning with an overwhelming brightness. Hunter tensed as he cautiously opened his eyes. He looked down in surprise, patting his chest and arms as though checking he was still in one piece.

The walls of the maze collapsed into the floor of the training room as quickly as they had risen.

“CT-9901. You are excused. You may return to your barracks.” Nala Se’s sing song voice sounded over the comm.

Hunter didn’t need telling twice. He dropped the blaster and ran to the far entrance. As the door slid open, he almost collided with Wrecker who pulled him into a tight hug, Hunter’s feet dangling off the ground.

“Nice to see you too, Wreck,” he said with a grin, his voice muffled against his brother’s chest.

The squad spent the rest of the day in their barracks. Hunter curled up in his familiar bunk, snuggled with Wrecker’s tooka doll for comfort. He heard his brother’s low murmured conversation as he drifted in and out of sleep.

“Do you think he’s safe now?” Wrecker asked in a hushed voice.

“Shh,” Crosshair hissed.

“Well, is he?” Wrecker continued, worry in his voice.

Hunter heard Tech furiously tapping on his datapad, “The results of the testing are sealed but are marked with an E, representing ‘Exemplary conduct’. I believe he is safe, Wrecker.”

Hunter listened as the group let out a collective sigh and smiled into his pillow. After days of anxiety and stress, he finally felt his heartbeat return to normal. He was safe, they were all safe. For now.

[valefurry]

ALT-ZADR WEEK DAY 6: YOUR OWN AU

@alt-zadr-b1tch3z

Hello, this will be my first time talking in detail about my AU, “Lovesick” but I would be really grateful if you read this all the way to the end, I'm putting a lot of effort and love into this project, and oh, by the way… this AU is aimed at mature audiences, since it will cover heavy topics such as cannibalism, rituals, depression, and more.

What is Lovesick about? “It’s been a decade since Zim and Dib first met, and both of them have changed a lot. Zim has suffered a drastic transformation: he is now aware that his mission is false, and is no longer part of the Irken Armada. On top of this, for some strange reason, he has become interested in occultism. On the other hand, Dib has turned into a bitter adult.

Dib has not been doing well in life, specially because of his constant nightmares that make him remember his childhood and the events he went through before meeting Zim. There is, however, a specific nightmare that torments him the most, one that involves his mother. Through these nightmares, Dib has realized that he has forgotten everything having to do with his mother, and now he wishes to know more about her. To his misfortune, the only one who can help him is Zim."

What do I have planned for Lovesick? My idea is to develop a completely free Indie RPG. If the demo is well received, I will continue to release more chapters; otherwise, it will remain as a single release. This is why I need as much support as possible. This is my first RPG, but I have basic programming knowledge, since I have studied about it. I will also be using RPG Maker, so the development will be slow and I’d rather not promise a release date. I’m doing this for fun and because I love Invader Zim.

What should you know about Lovesick?

Zim and Dib are clearly adults (Zim is 20 years old, and Dib is 22)

This series is based on the original show, so none of the events related to the movie are canon in this AU.

Dib will be the protagonist, but Zim will also have a significant presence on screen.

There will be multiple flashbacks through Dib’s dreams.

The events of the AU happen in the year 2011.

The AU will be primarily developed in Spanish and there is a possibility of voice acting (I don't promise anything). I want to make it clear that the voices will be based on the Latin dub, in which Zim's voice is done by a woman, and this will remain the same in the AU.

Yes, there will be an English version, and it will be released simultaneously with the Spanish version, so don't worry.

I really hope you'll be interested in my AU and will give me your support. I'll show teasers whenever I'm able to. Thanks so much to those who were interested to read until the end. And credits to my best friend who will be the one helping me translate everything into English, he even translated this for me @grinchy-skellington

[emperor-kumquat]

Hey!! Sorry to drop an essay in your inbox but I recently began playing Mercy for the first time and I have A LOT of thoughts. I wanted to start with some context; I got really into Transformers through TFP about four years ago, and around that time I also found out about Mercy and started checking out your blog. After that I got really into Earthspark and kind of dropped out of TFP for a bit. I got a ton of spoilers for Mercy when I first checked out your blog, but enough time has passed that my ADHD ass has forgotten most of said spoilers, which let me say has made playing the game 1000x more fun. I keep thinking I remember something but either I was remembering incorrectly or I completely forget about a twist until it hits me in the face.

So now that the context is out of the way, I just wanted to say that I absolutely adore Mercy. I’m not done yet but it’s so fun to play and it’s super well written! My twin sister and I got into it together because we remembered that we played the fully illustrated YouTube demo and wanted to see where our respective routes got us. I got the Space Adventure storyline and she got the Discovery storyline, which we were super happy about because we recently binge-read all of IDW and loved Overlord and the DJD. She’s already finished Discovery and has said the experience was like a horror game lmfao

Meanwhile while she was getting chased around by Loyalty, my most stressful choice at the time was whether to go to Kaon with my Vehicon friends or Iacon with my Autobot friends. It was a very entertaining difference! Of course I was not nearly as relaxed when I got to Elba! I also made the choice to board Froid’s ship and I absolutely HATE the implication that Sunder is just. Chilling right in the middle of the floor and being like “nope you can’t see me! :D” I feel like I vaguely remember him having some sort of mind control power but NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. STOP THAT (/j)

One of the reasons I was super happy I got the Space Adventure storyline is because. Well. Overlord. When I was first checking out your blog I saw A LOT of posts about Overlord and kind of went “oh, he’s neat” but that was about the end of it. UNTIL IDW. I am holding you and Cuppajj personally responsible for planting the seeds for the monster of a hyperfixation that took hold as soon as I started reading Last Stand of the Wreckers (/j)

At this rate he isn’t just living rent free in my head, he’s making me pay the rent.

I was absolutely not disappointed by how he’s been written so far in Mercy. He’s absolutely terrifying and charismatic in all the best ways and I’m always thrilled when he shows up but also terrified because that means literally any choice I make could lead to my death! Also because I can’t quite remember what happens in Space Adventure WHY DOESN’T HE SLEEP?? WHY DOESN’T HE EAT?? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH HIM?? On a side note it makes me so soft that whenever he calls on Leozack and Lyzack he just says “LyLeo”. Back in elementary school my sister and I had the same friend group, and they collectively nicknamed us “Twin Twin” because that way they didn’t have to constantly guess which one of us was which lol

The LyLeo thing reminds me a lot of that and it’s just. It’s so cute. I absolutely love it.

On a funnier note, I had intended to do a full playthrough of Mercy and then circle back and track down The Bath Scene. This morning, while continuing my first and only playthrough, I RAN INTO IT NATURALLY. I COMPLETELY LOST MY SHIT IT WAS GREAT. FIRST TRY BABY LET’S GO!!! (funnily enough my only two deaths so far have been due to me trusting Decepticons when I really shouldn’t)

Anyway it’s super well written LMFAO

It’s a very entertaining death!! I can’t believe I got killed by Vehicons going “hey Steve watch this”, sending me inside, and then Family Guy death posing outside the door. Like seriously what did they do after that, wait until Overlord had finished brutally murdering Predaking and then get up like “good one, boss”? In addition to being hilarious, as an Overlord simp I was eating good LMAOO

In conclusion, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS GAME!! Everything is an absolute train wreck right now and Predaking is traumatized but I’m having a fantastic time! I’ve also had a rough past couple of days and this really cheered me up, so thank you for that. :D

I will definitely have more thoughts to maybe share in the future as I continue the story but for now I will just scream at you because I’m super enthusiastic about this but whenever I try to share that enthusiasm I turn into a professional college essay writer. That being said: RHHRGRHFHRGRHGRGRGGRHRHRGGRGRGRGHRGRGRGRGRGRGGRHFHDHFNFHFGEHFHGBFNUGHRJGURGTHHTHT. HETHRHFGWJHTHRGRGTHRGRGTGRHRGHRGRHRGRHFHRHHTHRHRHHFHFHHFHRHHTHRHHFHG. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFSGDHFUGUGHGGDHGYGHFGYGRTGGRGRFFRGFGRFFRFDGRFRGRTEGFGGFGFGF🖤💜🩶🤍🖤💜🖤🩶💜🩶🤍💜💜🩶🖤🩶💜🩶💜💜🩶💜🩶💜🖤💜🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤

Hope you have a good day/night! :D

Thank you, I adore your words and they motive me very much! I am so glad you and your twin are having fun. I want to think back to positive feedback like this and feel energized to keep on writing!

Btw I am editing Space Adventure now because I wrote it in 2021. Its writing quality should become nice and smooth and ever the more enjoyable! It's very cool to hear from a twin who loves Leozack and Lyzack and how Overlord addresses them as LyLeo (he adores them). The twins share the same rank and practiced to both be excellent spear throwers, though they are individuals still! Leozack is chiller and soft for Hellbat while Lyzack will absolutely murder anyone who tries to hurt Overlord. There are no death scenes where Leozack kills you but you can get ended by Lyzack! She's savage and ultimately I wanted to give her more substance than what she originally had as a character in TF Victory.

The other set of twins is Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, but they don't stick close to each other. Sunstreaker is a cop in Mercy while Sideswipe is a pilot. Both are a bit vain, but Sunstreaker is the big pretty boy who had cosmetic surgery done and adopted a kid.

Love you fellow Overlord fan! Congratulations on finding the hilarious bath scene! Check out Discovery too and experience the horror your sister had to go through. Or just play the guided playthrough to avoid being murdered by Kaon over and over hehe

[blueberrypancakesworld]

New luck and feelings

warning : fluff, some comfort, developing feelings, no use of Y/n, drinking alcohol

Summary : Everyone's luck runs out at some point. Husk, who hadn't held the dice in his claws for a long time, knew that too. But when the door to the hotel opened and a lost demoness came in…maybe he would find happiness and love in hell?

Info : Third work for sweet Husk, again thank you for all the support on my lasts posts to HH. I hope you all like it and have fun reading ;)

------------------------------

He had once had everything. He was an Overlord a powerful demon had heard of him, he knew he was no Alastor or Carmilla but he was an Overlord with respect. At least for the beginning, at least for the time when the dice rolled, when he shook the objects in the cup and the rolling could be heard on the table.

The beginnings, the pasche, the cards, the balls - everything was pure luck, luck that lasted at first. Until it all came to an end one soul after another, one influence after another he lost everything bet after bet, bet after bet and dice roll after dice roll.

Until the once mighty Overlord was nothing more than a demon with debts, a demon with influence. Someone who clung to the stately sound of the radio, seeking out the smiling demon and the power that emanated from it only when not even a fraction of his own was awake.

He had put his signature on the parchment that he had written the last sheet for his name. He knew it was a mistake but he realized it too late as he hoped that his luck would return one day.

Before he was here in the hotel, bartending with his...friends. Yes, even if the demon hadn't thought it possible, it was possible that he had found friends, maybe even a family. But he had a place and in this place he surprisingly found something...an encounter. An encounter of infinity. 

His gaze lifted from the glasses he was drying when he saw the door of the hotel open and a demoness peeked in with a curious look. ,,Is this the hotel where you can rehabilitate yourself?" she asked, coming in slowly as she heard the bartender's reply, ,,Except for the porn star and a little mass murderer, yes".

The suitcase in her hand had seen better days as she approached the bar and he couldn't help smiling slightly when he saw her interested and almost curious look as she wandered through the building and the bar.

She pulled herself up onto the bar stool and placed the suitcase next to it, hitting the floor with a soft thud. ,,You don't seem to have been here yet," he noted casually as he turned his back to her to organize the bottles and sort the glasses. He could have blinked, but maybe it was because he was avoiding her gaze, because he felt like everything was at stake again.

Because her smile was like a double that made him happy, aroused his own curiosity for more. ,,No...I've kind of been here since, well, today or something," she mumbled and he turned to her in surprise. It wasn't often that he saw people so freshly fallen from the earth, they were inexperienced, had no idea what was going on and yet.

,,I haven't seen this every day but how about a drink first and you tell me everything while we wait for the owner to bring you the room," he suggested and gave her a small upright smile, a smile he didn't give everyone but it was a smile that filled her with hope, something that made his heart beat faster.

She was cute, similar to him, she was a hybrid creature with two small curled horns on her head and two small wings on her back as far as he could tell.

Pretty he thought as he searched for the matching bottles and ordered himself a drink as he pulled the cork from the green bottle. The cheap brownish golden alcohol was poured into his glass as he sipped it in the cocktail glass, which felt like the only one here.

,,Smells sweet...and oh wow that's delicious," she said after she sipped the reddish drink before taking a small sip, her eyes seeming to light up as the sweetness of the drink calmed her nerves. ,,Always a pleasure," he replied and was slightly shaken when she grabbed his hand and shook it lightly.

Husk felt the uncertainty leave her voice as her eyes widened and Husk felt him let go of her hand later than necessary.

He felt something like a duty inside him, he knew he had committed too many sins to ever be likely to go to heaven.

But maybe he could at least help her, because maybe he saw himself in her a little. To give her the happiness that he only had for a while. ,,And you're Husk the bar manager?" she asked, tapping his glass, which was already empty, while she took her time to take her drink.

,,Yup, your certifiable, friendly bar manager and well, surrogate father to a few of the characters here," she admitted and looked surprised when he heard her laugh, hearty and cute as he thought, feeling his beating heart reacting to her.

Maybe it was like a double, like two dice showing the same thing. Maybe two demons could do well together after one encounter.

As she pushed her empty glass over to him, his fingers touched hers again and he saw her slightly embarrassed smile. ,,Maybe...maybe you can help me instead of the owner...I find our conversations very encouraging," she confessed and looked away furtively Husk realized what she meant, what they had achieved.

Before he could open his mouth, the main door opened and Charlie came in with a grin. ,,Gladly again and again...there's our ticket up ahead," he pointed at the blonde and walked out of the bar to take the suitcase from her.

They both walked next to each other and she suddenly cut in on him with a ,,Thank you Husk" and he just nodded knowingly but her touch as she held onto him, the loving look.

Perhaps in the end she would bring him the happiness of having something like a relationship and trust in this hotel of redemption and love.

---------------------

[bambi-kinos]

I just came across your analysis of However Absurd and thought it was lovely. I'm curious, as someone who thinks John and Paul had some kind of romantic or sexual relationship, what is your take on The Lovers That Never Were? Is he using the word "lovers" to mean "partners"? I have always interpreted it to mean that Paul knows there was something there but it never happened. Every time I start to be convinced that they were together in some way I think of this song and the devastating way Paul sings it in the demo and the heartbreaking fact that he still felt it that intensely 13 years after John's death.

Oh wow thank you! The server had a lot of fun discussing that, if it's good it's because I had a little help from my friends heheh (─‿‿─) ♡

I ended up writing a massive novel in response to all this so I hope you enjoy reading it heheh. For server members, I've pulled some quotes from my previous Discord essays on this topic so you'll see some stuff that you've read.

tl;dr - I don't think "The Lovers That Never Were" contradicts the secret relationship theory at all! I think it compliments it very well actually.

In order to get into All That, I will outline how I perceive what their relationship was built on and how they reacted to it. I should note that I don't consider this definitive. It's important to remember that we all have unique interpretations of John and Paul because of our experiences and our personal POVs. There is no single answer until Paul decides to tell us what happened and/or Sean publishes John's diaries (written and audio). Until that happens, we are all forced to look at the same material and draw our own conclusions which will naturally be shaped through our personal perceptions. Some of us are older and are much closer to the original culture that John and Paul were raised in; some of us are younger and grew up in a much more LGBT+ positive environment. This naturally has an impact on how we interpret John and Paul's relationship.

I say this because I know my POV on John and Paul is a bit different from everyone else's. I'm a historian by training but part of being a historian is the understanding that you will never fully understand the events as they happened because your personal viewpoint and inherent bias is simply too strong. But that's okay because this is a part of humanity that we all share, yeah? With that understanding LET'S GO!

Paul My view on Paul is that he's always understood that he's different from other men. I doubt he could put a name to it until very recently. Paul has synesthesia, he's bisexual, he connects to music in a savant-like way, he's neurodivergent which is why he takes criticism so hard, and all of that would still be true even if he didn't have left over emotional issues from his mother dying the way she did + his fraught relationship with his father.

Keep in mind that circumstantial evidence points to the idea that Paul orchestrated the meeting at the fête! He realized he had a mutual friend with John in Ivan (who is to say that he did not meet Ivan at a QM performance and had that mental realization there?) He went through Hot Girl Summer before and after the fête, wanting to be fucking fit so that he wasn't embarrassed to meet John! I did the same thing when I had a crush as a teenager!

So with all that in mind, imagine this: you're Paul McCartney. You met John Lennon barely a year after Mary died. You turned 15 on June 18th, 1957 and met John at the fête on July 6, 1957. At some undetermined point before this garden party you saw a beautiful boy on the bus and began riding it obsessively hoping the Teddie boy would get on it. You followed him to the chippie and stood in line behind him…allegedly because you thought "oh wow he looks so cool." Marky Mark thinks (and I agree) that you may have even followed John to at least one Quarry Man show before the fête. Is this 'normal' behavior? Or is this the unhinged behavior of a teenager with a massive crush? The kind that comes about when you see a cute boy with red hair, and red is the color you associate with happiness, and then you find out that he plays guitar just like you and you follow him around until you see one of his performances and he's so good he knocks you back and then someone says "hi Paul, I didn't know you liked music!" behind you. And you realize that it's your friend and that you can meet the boy you have a crush on through this friend. You just need to lose weight and grow your hair out first.

When did Paul first see John, anyway? Before he turned 15 I'd wager.

I submit the idea that Paul has been in love John Lennon for his entire life. It will be 67 years of love when this July 6th rolls around. John was making a name for himself, he was known around town as "that Lennon." A minor celebrity like we’ve all had in our hometowns. Paul loved music. Before the internet you would go to the town square to hear a band.

Paul did that. Saw John. Pursued him with intent. When John went to Gambier Terrace to be with Stuart, Paul made a nuisance of himself showing up at their parties and playing the proto-version of "Michelle" in front of the girls…and John.

I love you, I love you, I love you That's all I want to say Until I find a way I will say the only words I know that You'll understand

I don't think that a 15 year old Paul McCartney would explicitly label his feelings for John as 'love' or a 'crush' but I do think that's what happened. When you're a teenager, a crush can express itself in many different ways. I used to have a big crush on a girl who was a volleyball player at my junior high school…that expressed itself as intense admiration. I even told one of my friends that I thought she was 'really cool.' It wasn't until later that I realized that I had a crush on her.

But I think that Paul has always known that he's 'different' and that he wasn't like other boys while growing up. Part of his touchiness about his looks comes from being bullied but I also think that he's a lot more self aware than he pretends to be. I think he realized relatively fast how he felt about John (maybe once John picked up with Stuart and Cynthia at art college.) I think he carried that with him for years hence his anguished response to being jilted in Hamburg and how furious he was at John for running off to Spain with Brian. He didn't realize it immediately but once it sticks to you then it fucking sticks. I think that Paul has done a lot internal wrestling with being a bisexual man and what that means for him and that he has been wrestling with it for decades. I think he was fully in the grip of that wrestling as he and John's friendship began growing and Paul realized what was happening to him. He does enjoy women but I also think that he felt it was necessary to pursue them heavily as a young man to camouflage himself.

I don't think a day has gone by since 1957 where Paul has not known what he was. What exactly that means for him…is up for interpretation. That's where the gray area is. But IMO Paul has almost always known that he's sexually attracted to other men and that John woke this in him. The big question for Paul is what he should do about it.

John There's been a lot written about John and his sexuality that I won't rehash here but truthfully I think John was in a similar place to Paul in knowing that he's always had a sexual preference for other men. John was a lot less comfortable about it though. Having unprotected sex with his girlfriends was, IMO, John trying to subconsciously engineer a situation that would "fix" him via an accidental pregnancy necessitating a marriage.

Of course that didn't do anything because it never does. John still felt chemistry with Paul when they met at the fête, with that quote about them "circling each other like cats." IMO John felt something immediately -- it's not entirely clear what -- though I don't think it "love at first sight" like with Paul. IMO their friendship, while still rooted in that chemistry, developed very naturally for John and he got to enjoy a platonic relationship with Paul before he put it all together. I say this because John saw Paul as a kid, not a peer, and that this endured for their lives in Liverpool pre-Hamburg. I struggle to imagine John or Paul deliberately inciting sexual or romantic contact during that time period aside from the group wank sessions (which were really trolling sessions from John.) Like, when Julia died, John went out and sought peers at art college like Cynthia and Stuart, other students his age. John and Paul bonded over losing their mothers and Paul has that quote about pranking people with the "oh yeah…my mum's dead thanks <3" bit but it also seems like John didn't want to be around that all the time. He lost his Uncle George and then his mother, he was starting to think that he was a death-curse on men in his family and that he brought suffering with him. He wanted to be away from that so he took a vacation from music to get a chance of scenery. Which meant putting Paul in a place of competition with Stuart and Cyn but I don't think John was thinking of that initially (though he exploited the situation later.)

Then Hamburg happens and they run wild. I have an entire meta about this that you can read here but I genuinely think John did not see Paul as a full fledged adult and potential sexual partner until they were in Hamburg in the red light district. I think that something happened there that we don't know about, that it's tied up in Stuart deciding to be with Astrid, John jilting Paul, Paul saying "fuck you I'm done" and getting a job at the coil winding factory in Liverpool after being deported, John tracking Paul down and spending weeks (probably) groveling and then giving Paul an ultimatum to come back to the Beatles. All of that screams 'I just realized I'm in love with my best friend and I'm freaking the fuck out' to me lmao.

John and Paul Of course something else changed after that too and John and Paul ended up becoming so close that even the Liverpool squares around them noticed. I think that whatever was going in their relationship, it started here. In the place where John and Paul were equally distraught with each other, the future of the band was uncertain, and Paul wanted a sign of commitment from John so that he didn't feel like he wasted years of his life. And of course John always felt compelled to be the man Paul wanted him to be so he treated Paul to a vacation in Paris which was so life affirming for them that it stayed with them for the rest of their lives. IMO the Paris vacation was explicitly romantic for them.

I think a switch flipped in 1961 and they went from "messing around" to "there's something there." It erupted in Paris and they showed each other more understanding and care then they expected from each other. John did sexy pin up poses for Paul in a bed that they shared; John remembers how the French held each other in their arms and just kissed each other, lovingly; Paul felt that he discovered the answer and that all those big name philosophers had nothing on the self realization he came to inside himself. Paul even took a photo of John that high lighted his package! Thanks to @louiselux for pointing this one out:

The thing was all the kissing and the holding that was going on in Paris. And it was so romantic, just to be there and see them, even though I was twenty-one and sort of not romantic. But I really loved it, the way the people would just stand under a tree kissing; and they weren’t mauling at each other, they were just kissing. — John Lennon, Playboy interview 1980

“We were like Paris existentialists. Jean-Paul Sartre had nothing on us. Sod ‘em all - I could write a novel… It was all inside me. I could do anything now.”

Paul McCartney, Anthology

Something happened in Paris and it wasn't just them getting haircuts and John buying Paul milkshakes. There was commitment there. And then the spell comes over them again when they return in January 1964:

The first night, John and Paul stayed in their suite, listening to records and reading fan mail. George, who had been signed for 100 pounds a day by the Daily Express to write of his experiences in Paris, went to a nightclub in the Place Pigalle.

Back in the City of Light, John and Paul slept till three o'clock in the afternoon. That much everybody agreed on.

Quote by Vincent Mulchrone from Daily Mail: George Harrison was astir early, but John Lennon and Paul McCartney slumbered on until frantic photographers forced them at lens point into the Champs-Élysées.

Derek Taylor (a British journalist) wanted to know why the Beatles slept so much. "My office wants to know what they're doing in Paris, so they'd better be doing something."

Love Me Do by Michael Braun

But I know what you're thinking. "What the hell does this all have to do with these two songs?"

And my reply is to keep a few things in mind:

Paul takes criticism and slights incredibly hard, possibly overreacting in some places and letting them overwhelm him mentally.

He never got over Barcelona, he never stopped resenting Stuart and Brian, he never got over John pulling the rug out from under him regarding the order of their names in the song credits. He contemplated committing suicide by smothering himself while he was in Scotland recovering from John leaving him.

John Lennon had a baby with a woman in the middle of all this. Julian Lennon was born April 8, 1963, conceived in July 1962, less than a year after Paris.

However Absurd & The Lovers That Never Were I listened to "However Absurd" and "The Lovers That Never Were" in that order. My immediate reaction is that these are both the same kind of song: they are both expressing sadness and frustration with John. This is a common theme with Paul's post-1980 John songs. What I find interesting is that they depict different though related gripes regarding John. In "However Absurd" Paul is expressing his longing for a cottagecore fantasy romance with John and then expressing frustration at John mocking him for it:

Ears twitch, like a dog Breaking eggs in a dish Do not mock me when I say This is not a lie

But in "The Lovers That Never Were" Paul expresses a different gripe: frustration that John won't commit to him and "anticipating" the break up that he secretly knew was coming ever since 1963 when John abandoned him and his own son to play patty-cake with Brian in Spain:

I hang patiently on every word you send Will we ever be much more than just friends? As for you, you sit there playing this game You keep me waiting

When all of the clocks have run down All over the world We'll be the lovers that never were

For as long as the sun shines in somebody's eyes I believe in you baby, so don't tell me lies For as long as the trees throw down blossoms and leaves I know there will be a parade of unpainted dreams

And I know dear, how much it's going to hurt If you still refuse to get your hands dirty So you, you must tell me something… I love you Say goodbye or anything

All of the clocks have run down Time's at an end If we can't be lovers we'll never be friends

John's penchant for disregarding Paul's feelings and even weaponizing them against Paul; the dashing of Paul's cottagecore dreams that were made and solidified in Paris; the fact that John, no matter what his intentions, could not get his shit together and commit to Paul no matter what he may have felt. These two songs are not contradictory to one another. Paul's idea of "commitment" looks very much like what he had with Linda and John in 1967: sharing a home, sharing a bed, being together every day, preferably somewhere green and remote. Exclusivity. Remember that Paul deliberately sabotaged his relationship with Jane Asher by nailing a woman in their bed when Jane came home, knowing perfectly well that he was breaking their exclusivity agreement.

That IMO, is what makes someone a lover and not just a friend you have sex with and secretly pine for. No cheating, or at least your agreed version of it. No disrespecting the relationship. Continuously being together. What did John do instead of this?

I think that Paul started out his "relationship" with John carrying high hopes and then watched them crumble to dust, over and over, because John simply did not take him seriously. He got Cynthia pregnant, he ran around on Paul with Brian, he had the nerve to flip out on Jane Asher when Paul brought her around when he was the one who couldn't stay faithful to Cynthia.

My hot take is that these songs demonstrate that Paul simply could not imagine John ever truly committing to him and treating him as a true partner. The homophobia and yes ~society~ is in there too but Paul was happy to flout this when it came to just about anyone else, traipsing all over France with Fraser and Mal. The difference is that he flat out didn't trust John. Being jilted for Stuart in Hamburg loomed too big in his head. Cynthia and Julian loomed too big in his head. Brian and Barcelona, realizing that John would happily betray whatever agreements or understandings he had with Paul simply to screw Paul out of a deal, loomed too big in his head. I think in particular its Barcelona that made Paul think John didn't value any of their professed ideals. John broke Paul's heart years before Yoko came along.

He didn't trust John. Fatalism is easier than taking control of your own life sometimes, and in Paul's mind there was no reason to believe John was genuine. Like, Paul knew John very well! He had very good reason to think that John was simply not serious about him. And John, no matter what his intentions were, proved that correct over and over and over and over.

So ultimately, I think that's what these songs are about. The melodies don't necessarily reflect this when I listened to them but I think that "The Lovers That Never Were" in particular is juxtaposing bitter wink-and-nod lyrics with an oddly perky tune. It's Paul laughing at himself for ever thinking John was willing to commit. He's mocking himself because while he allowed himself to get swept up in the dream of a possible genuine relationship with John, he knew deep down that it would go the way it did. That John would find a reason to get tired of him and abandon him. And then when Yoko came along, that's exactly what John did. Paul fatalistically accepted that the time had come and John met Paul's low expectations of him.

The Weight I don't think John and Paul necessarily planned to have a secret relationship. It seems more like they bundled the sexual/romantic stuff into their "thing" where it was just part and parcel of who they were and what they did. "It's only gay if the balls touch" etc. At some point that changed but Paul became convinced early on that it wouldn't work out so he didn't acknowledge his own secret desires and dreams. There was no roadmap between him and John about where they were taking this exactly and how they were going to make it work. He had sex with John and even engaged with romantic actions with John, hoping against hope that something would change and he would be proven wrong, but then John would be careless and Paul would collapse into hurt.

And oh yeah: Paul never, ever discussed any of this with John Lennon. He never told John how hurt he was because he didn't want to put up with John's derision. He felt devalued and lost and in typical Paul fashion he chose to ignore this for years and never bring it up, forcing it to come out in bizarre nonsensical actions when he inevitably boiled over. Why would he choose to confront it? He made sure to set up several safety nets to catch him! Jane and the Ashers, striking out on his own with "The Family Way" score, rubbing John's face in his escapades with other males as a way to go 'see, I don't need you just like you don't need me. How about THAT?'

I don't think John ever intended to hurt Paul as badly as he did. He thought that if Paul was upset about something then he would know via their ~telepathic connection.~ I think that he deliberately overlooked warning signs because he felt intensely guilty about certain actions he took (God only knows which ones) and that he helped himself not see Paul's hurt. I do think if he had the slightest idea of what was going on in Paul's head then he would have changed tactics immediately out of fear of losing Paul forever. But at heart John was a coward and if he didn't want to see something was wrong then he wouldn't see it unless something forced his hand. Like say, having his former best friend/ex-lover look him in the eye and go "I can write new songs" and kill The Beatles in a court of law. (And of course once he realized what he had done, years after the fact, it was too little too late. He couldn't take it back. How do you make up for inflicting that much hurt on someone that you supposedly care for? This paralyzed John for years.)

This was obviously a huge mistake and I think it was one of the landmines that blew their relationship up. Paul allowed his distrust and bitterness to overwhelm him. He should have been honest with John about his feelings; maybe not immediately but when they were able to look back with some perspective. Paul should have realized that their relationship could take heat. He should have trusted John more and if he had then John could have risen to the occasion. Everything could have been different. No more "I believe in you baby, so don't tell me lies." No more "Do not mock me when I say/This is not a lie."

He even expresses this in a third song, one that IMO puts this entire thing into perspective and ties these three songs together with a neat bow. "This One":

Did I ever take you in my arms, look you in the eye Tell you that 'I do?' Did I ever open up my heart And let you look inside?…

Did I ever touch you on the cheek Say that you were mine, thank you for the smile? Did I ever knock upon your door Try to get inside?…

Please take note of the bolded "Tell you that 'I do'!" Paul's deepest regret with regards to John is not trusting him more. He wishes that he had opened up to John about his hurt and how he angry he was that John was devaluing their relationship. That he wanted to commit to John but that he was scared John wouldn't say 'I do' back.

From John's POV he's just being John; he's looking out for the band. God knows he tried to be what Paul needed him to be but he got mixed signals and inconsistent behavior and Paul's ice queen behavior frustrated him to no end. This resulted in an endless circle of "fuck you/no no no, fuck YOU/well fuck you then!/fuck you" that ended up killing what they had.

But John is guilty in this too. He never made himself accountable to Paul. He didn't explain his actions. He acted rashly and selfishly and then was shocked when it blew up in his face. He didn't consistently act like he loved Paul. He took Paul for granted and told himself that he was doing the right thing, because changing your behavior is very very hard. He didn't let Paul in when it mattered.

Did you ever take me in your arms Look me in the eye, tell me that 'you do?'

As Paul grew up and he started to come to grips with the "What happened" of it all, maybe he realized that he had procrastinated. That he put off what mattered most because he couldn't bear to make himself vulnerable as a young man. Maybe he was waiting for a perfect moment to open himself up to John knowing perfectly well it would never arrive, a common delaying tactic for insecure and avoidant people. Not admitting that the perfect moment would never come and that he had to extend trust to receive it in return.

If I never did it, I was only waiting For a better moment that didn't come There never could be a better moment Than this one, this one

I think he's still angry at John for multiple betrayals, slaps to the face, and devaluing the specialness of their relationship and their affection for each other. But I also think that Paul is angry at himself for not trusting John, for not working harder at their relationship. He also delivered multiple betrayals and slaps to the face to John, feeding John's insecurity and fears of abandonment. Making a mockery of their relationship and how special it was. Paul has been doing public penance for this ever since John died, which snapped everything into perspective and he finally realized the full scope of his own screw ups.

Because it took two to destroy a relationship this intense and this special. If Paul did not know that before...

Well. He does now.

[angstflavoured]

You have any fic recommendations? Any fandom really lol. You have good takes and interpretation so I feel like you’d have some fire recs

AWH WELL THANK YOU !! I dont actually know how great the ones I read are gonna be since usually the fandoms Im in are scarce on content 💀 but ill go ahead and list a bunch of the ones I really like. I definitely spend way too much of my time reading one shots. REALLY wanna get back into longer fics, but its hard to find ones I care enough to sit down and dedicate time to these days 💔

Smiling Friends

bittersuite, charlie/pim: AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED !!!!! THIS FIC CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER !!!!! It is hurt/no comfort, but its soooo good it hurts so good and also there is supposed to be more eventually so i'd get on this one first bc when the second one drops its gonna be a day in history

Dimples, charlie/pim: I just read this last night and was so pleasantly surprised ☹️ Its so damn cute and I love how it delves more into both of their characters.

Portal 2

interface, chell/wheatley: HANDS down, best portal 2 one shot out there. the way the characterize chell is fucking insane, altered my brain chemistry forever. also wheatley is so hehehheheheh

You Do It, adventure/fact: I have a very love/hate relationship with this author..... Im not the BIGGEST fan of how they characterize them, esp Fact, but its definitely the most decent factventure content out there. I so like this one quite a bit, though their ideas are definitely better in theory than completely in practice. That's how I feel abt a lot of their works, but this person unironically holds the title for like 90% of the factventure content. If you just want some quick cute smut of them, i'd say you should check out their acc, cus I get the factventure fandom is starving LMAOO

I've got the fuse if you've got the light, adventure core/reader: ....erm, very self indulgent for me hehe!!! i was so fucking excited when this dropped

Half-Life/HLVRAI

Autonomous Sweet Mesa Response, benrey/gordon: THIS FIC IS SOOO FUCKING FIREEEEE !!! OH MY GOD, I can't even count the times I've read this one. their dialogue is as good as it comes next to canon. If you like this one, this is the first in a huge series and litearlly all of them are just as good as the first. such a good sit down and binge author. They also have a shit ton of other good hlvrai stuff on their page and they make fire art

If You Asked Me To, benrey/gordon: the way they wrote the sex scene in this changed my brain forever, it was so fucking awesome.... frenrey dynamic makes me WILD

Whispers and Moans, barney/gordon: this whole author has a lot of super cute freehoun :'[ this one deals with them before the resonance cascade AND after and shows how things changed between them and its so precious grrraah

Promise, barney/gordon: again, deals with the timeskip stuff which just always makes my heart hurt... also shower sex smiles

It’s Only Natural, barney/gordon: I DIDNT REALIZE THIS FIC JUST GOT FINISHED THIS YEAR OH MY GODDDD I WAS OBSESSED WITH THIS need to reread this immediately

Team Fortress 2

He's a Rebel, sniper/spy: SUPER fucking cheesy and corny but oh my god its like one of my fav fics ever..... it's just so much fun, like stereotypical fanfic and that's always a good time to me. biker gang member/school teacher au are you fucking kidding me i'll vomit

It IS the Size That Matters, sniper/spy: erm.... BLOWJOBS!! always find myself coming back to this one sorry i really like it hehe

Secure, demo/solider: Not a lot of fics of these guys, which really sucks!! super underrated ship. I liked this one a lot tho, its pretty cute and a little emotional

Something to Rely On, sniper/spy: casual sex but really sniper is in love will forever be my favourite thing ever, it never gets old istg

The Silent Game, sniper/spy: can you tell I really like sniperspy, MORE BLOWJOBS!!!

Disco Elysium

The Collision in Cardiozone HQ, harry/kim: holy. fucking. shit. actually life changing i am not joking. so fucking heartbreaking, it left me hollowed out for like a WEEK after the ending. A longer one for sure, but SO worth it like oh my god

The Catacomb Killer, harry/kim: I don't think I ever fully finished this one, but I remember REALLY liking the whole case the fic was set around. there was so much thought put into it, it was genuinely interesting like a murder mystery show

Retour à nouveau, harry/kim: I did really like the whole plot and buildup in this one, but from what I remember, them getting together was super anticlimatic :P i recall being disappointed, but the whole actual case and their interactions during the fic are super cute

Mortal Kombat 1

the game of idiocy, johnny/kenshi: BY THE SAME AUTHOR AS BITTERSUITE!! this one is sooo fucking cute, the way they write them interacting is so much fun. a little troupey and on the cheesier side, but cmon who doesn't love that

Undertale

Flowey is Not a Good Life Coach: no ships but delves a lot into flowey and papyrus relationship and there's so much good sans development too. SUPER GENERIC, it IS one of the most liked fics, but I remember reading it back when I was a teenager and it blew my fucking mind. ghhghggh i love the way they write the brothers interacting so much

The Party Incident and Other Embarrassing Anecdotes, sans/reader: uhmm.... soo sorry, this fic will forever hold a special little place in my heart. I'm sure if I read it now it would be SO corny cus oh my god it was fucking 2016 like are you kidding, but I'm just a fucking sucker for fake dating. there like 5000000 troupes in this one and theyre all so cute and its just a fun and silly time. it subconsciously inspires so much of my writing in fics. will probably forever be unfinished before they get together though HAHAH so definitely do not read if you're looking for a solid ending. its just about the journey i swear

[yuniniverse]

Hi loves i want to request a yeachan and the reader both are rappers and they get paired up by eden ( kq’s producer) and maddox helps them makes a song and they just have to write lyrics and stuff and they have to work on it like a project yk das all and oh my god i love seeing a notification from u that u updated like i loveeee your writing its too good lovebu lotsss <33

PAIRING !  ━ idol!yechan x reader

GENRE !  ━ slight angst, kissing in the rain, fluff fluff and fluff!

WORD COUNT !  ━ 1.11k

AUTHOR NOTE ! ━ uni has me stressing oml im so sorry for answering so late TvT also omg tysm ydk how happy it makes me to read such sweet compliments :"3

SONG RECCS ! ━ Drawer by 10 cm !

You sighed as you stood infront of the door to the studio, your heart slightly jumping at the thought of the red haired boy sitting inside waiting to work with you. You were one of KQs best song writers and always were praised for your works by hongjoong and Maddox especially since you worked with them alot, even helping them prepare KQ new boy groups debut album. That's how you met Lee Yechan.

You knew Minjae as both him and you were sm trainees at first untill you realised maybe idol life isn't the best for you so you moved to KQ to pursue your songwriting passion. During xikers debut preparation you were met with a red haired boy that held minjaes hand, his eyes roamed everywhere almost as if he was scanning the place. He looked like a cat you thought.

That's how you knew about Minjae, Yechan and Sumin, the rapper line who you would get close to. Since they were at the same age group as you it took no time for you four to get along well, sometimes even pranking the KQ staffs together and having fun in between recording sessions.

You twisted the door knob when you hear a 'come in' a smile forming on your lips as you see yechan sitting next to Maddox, his hair was messy, his headphones were lifted off his left ear to listen to Maddox's instructions as they played the demo. You close the door behind you and leave your bag onto one of the chairs, taking a seat next to yechan.

You were supposed to work with Yechan for one of xikers upcoming songs. At first, it felt like a piece of cake because Yechan was the easiest to work with. Although the boy was loud at times, he was always so soft and sweet with you, making you develop a crush on the now grape haired boy.

Days went by and you got more busy with college too which resulted in you not having time to go to the studio as often. Yechan texted you saying he understood your situation which you felt so grateful for.

However, you got quickly burnt out from college, not to mention how your family were giving you slight troubles too with your parents constantly nagging at how you were always late to come back home when really you were travelling back and forth from your university to the company.

Yechan noticed how serious you've gotten in the past few days, you almost never joked around and only slightly smiled at minjae and sumins horrible dad jokes.

You on the other hand was scared. Scared that the feeling of overwhelming stress might've made you act differently towards the boy which is the last thing you'd want.

But the unfortunate happened.

Yechan entered the vocal room, getting himself to warm up as you looked through his part. He nodded signalling he was ready to record his part of the song. However something was missing, he wasn't himself, his flow of rap would be broken from time to time almost as if he was getting distracted.

You didn't want to loose your cool but you were getting tensed too. You cut him off and scolded him, Your only motive was to get the boy ace his rap like how he used to but it was clear he had something else on his mind. Only if you knew it was you that was on his mind.

He looked down, tears threatening to fall. Maddox tells the two of you to take a break as he notices the atmosphere in the studio tense up. A 15 minute break was what you two were given so when yechan didn't show up 30 minutes later you started to get worried. You looked out the window to see it was pouring, 'he couldn't have gone outside could he?' You excuse yourself and run out to try and find yechan, you get out of breath and panic takes over you as Yechan doesn't pick your call. Maybe you were too harsh. You run through the streets a little further untill you see a familiar boy sheltering himself from the rain.

You sprint up to him and hug him, the impact making him stumble back but he regained his position. You felt a tear roll down your cheek, Yechan was drenched from the rain and shaking from the cold. You felt your whole world crash down and you feel your shoulder get wet from yechans tears as he trembled more into your embrace, uncontrollable sobs left his lips as he holds you tight. You pull away with a slight smile, caressing his cheeks, " I'm sorry" he says looking down. "You're ok Yechan, I should be the one apologizing." Your eyes soften at him, he looked at you with a smile, shaking his head. "None of us were at fault, you had other things on your mind and so did i" he says with a chuckle, wiping away his tears as you nod. "Let's go back? Maddox will get worried if we're out for too long" you say as you hold his arm trying to walk out, the heavy pour now slowed down to a light drizzle. You felt your hand get tugged back and when you turn around you feel a pair of lips on yours. A shy grin spreads across your lips as you return the sweet gesture, yechans hands snakes around your waist, pulling you close as you share a sweet kiss under the rain. He pulls away with the most adorable smile you've ever seen, you peck his cheeks before pulling him with you. You two walked hand in hand back to the company, only to find a very distressed Minjae pacing back and forth, scolding you two as he gives you two each a towel to dry yourself. You couldn't help but giggle at how adorable he looked with messy hair as he crinkled his nose at Minjae who wouldn't stop nagging at how he'd catch a cold at this rate if he continued being this playful.

At the end of the day you bid goodbye to the xikers members, wishing them good luck since their recording sessions were over and now they had to shoot their mv scene and learn the choreography.

As you were about to leave you feel an arm wrap around yours, looking up to see yechan smiling cheekily at you. You smile back, tilting your head in confusion, he looks around and cups your cheek, placing a quick peck on your lips before running away screaming " I love you my y/n !"