#tears in my eyes. i didnt play much anyways who cares!!! < still so sad

[14crush]

i got literally 0 clout in pro btw. and not for lack of trying, i just got exactly one non mirror match and LOST. because this game hates me

[vintageaustin]

You made me believe in right person wrong time

austin butler x reader

warnings: talk of break up uhm depression and talk of cheating maybe some swearing

Authors note; I worked crazy on this but it still kinda sucks my apologies

You were on a night out when you saw him and there was sweet music playing in the dark. Your friend saw how distracted you looked, as she stopped swaying her hips to the music, ¨you okay y/n?¨ she asked, which just made you nod your head a bit ¨yeah…yeah i´m fine¨. You said and grabbed your jacket then said your goodbyes.

You and Austin had broken up two years ago because… well it just didn't work out at the time and if you were honest you didn't expect you'd ever see him again. And maybe that was why you wanted to get the hell out of here. You didn't wanna face that confrontation because there is no such thing as right person wrong time is there?

You shook your head as you made your way outside until someone bumped into you. You looked up at the tall figure as you stared back into those familiar blue eyes. And you swear right then and there as he breathed your name out.

You could already feel yourself falling back in love with him just like you did all those years ago.

¨y/n?” he breathed his eyes and face lighting up. You smiled and nodded your head softly ¨hai austin¨ you spoke softly. As if the two of you never fell out of love, you and Austin met during the Cannes film festival .

the two of you clicked immediately and he asked you out not much longer after, the two of you made it official after like a month of dating. For some it may be fast but for you it was true love.

He really cared about you, some almost say he even loved you but he was never one to break old habits. Then he cheated on you and it absolutely destroyed you.. It took you two years to be you again and every girl he dated after you well,,, she was almost you..

¨how… How have you been?¨ he asked. You smiled and chuckled ¨i´ve been doing good what about you?¨ you asked politely. That's what he liked most about you were always so polite. There was no darkness in your heart whatsoever Only kindness.

¨i've been doing well…¨ he chuckled and smiled god that smile. ¨you uhm you´ve got some color back¨ he chuckled and you laughed. You laughed like you and she… almost laughed like you.. It wouldn't do. He wanted you, he needed you god if only he realized that sooner and he wasn't so stupid.

Some nights he got along without you very well and some other nights, he'd play your song over and over again.

He wouldn't know where to start but he did know he can't ruin this because this may be his only chance to make things right. What austin didnt know was the deep deep deep depression you fell into.

But that's all in the past now isn´t it? And little did Austin know that you were more than willing to give him another chance and start over again.

Austin looked over at his date who was clearly looking for him, you looked over and sighed softly ¨right you should probably get back to her.. I was about to leave anyway.¨ you spoke softly with a hint of sadness to it,

Austin nodded “bye y/n…” he whispered and you said your goodbye as well and left.

Meanwhile everything in Austin his body was yelling at him for how stupid he was being that was his chance! But… no way you would take him back not after what he did to you and he’d just have to accept that

As you got home you sighed softly and sat on your couch after getting changed into something more comfortable as your eyes welled up with tears, see you never believed in right person wrong time.

Because… if that person was so right for you.. why would the timing be wrong if you belong together? Honesty you could dwell on it for hours and you do.

Meanwhile in the bar where Austin still was with his date, and he wasn’t having a good time at all it was killing him really how could he be so so so stupid to let you go again honestly what was wrong with him?

After they left she invited him inside and he politely declined because she wasn’t you, don’t get him wrong he isn’t comparing you to her and visa versa but, there was something about you that would always lead him back,

when he didn’t have anything to think about he’d think about you and how badly he screwed that up. He just belonged to you and you to him.

Austin made his way to your house praying that you still had the same address and hadn’t moved in those two years, because how’d he find you then? Once he got there he rang the door bell with shaky hands.

You frowned slightly because who would be ringing your doorbell at this hour at night? You unlocked your door and there he stood those beautiful blue eyes, filled with tears and his hands in his pockets he looked like a little kid who just got scolded by one of his parents.

“A-Austin?” You whispered and looked at him rather confused because where is his date..? And that’s the next thing you ask “where’s your date..?” He chuckled because that was one thing he liked so much about you the way you wanted to make sure.

Others were safe and sound he admired that if he was honest sure he was a caring person but you just had so much love and kindness to. Offer the world.

“I brought her home don’t worry” he chuckled trying to hold back his tears as well as he could “listen I-im so sorry y/n, for the way I acted and the way I treated you a-and I hate myself for I-it I really do you didn’t deserve any of it,

I never was.. and I never will be. But I was wondering if you maybe consider giving me another ch-“ before he could finish what he was saying you grabbed his face and pulled him into a sweet kiss he stiffed for a moment.

Expecting anything but that as he grabbed your waist he finally returned the kiss after you pulled away from the kiss you smiled lovingly at him. Running a thumb over his cheek, “pick me up at 7 tomorrow?” You asked sweetly how could he say no to that.

“I’ll be here at 7 princess” he chuckled and kissed you once more, “thank you” he whispered once you pulled away again, you smiled at him and chuckled “you don’t have to thank me Austin. You made me believe in right person wrong time.”

Because that was the truth you were never a big believer of it but, Austin? Austin and you belonged together right back then the timing was just of. But now it was all okay again and the both of you have never felt better than to be back with their significant other.

[royalwriteroftheuniverse]

I Will never Forget He Never Did Either....

TRIGGER Warnings: death of a parent mentioned grieving sadness other than that angst and fluff and cake. Pick your Chris (pay attention to the cutie above)COMMENTS &REBLOGS WELCOME do not post or republish or translate anywhere

It seemed like everyone forgot, including my dad who ignored the day ...everyone...everyone except Chris.

Sure I never marked it on Facebook or social anymore it hurt too much (I dont care about social anymore anyway im never in it) but still... to have my dad pretend like it wasn't anything was heartbreaking seeing everyone forget wondering if that always how or if sometimes its not.

But it didnt change the fact that like I said everyone seemed to forget....everyone except Chris. He didn't say anything to me or text when he was away on this take hed never call or text about it but he was extra sweet. Extra caring.

To be honest I thought he forgot just like everyone else does a year so after someone looses someone. Thier birth stories are forgotten thier births are forgotten. But today Chris was extra sweet we both knew new why he was so cuddly in between shooting scene pulling me in his arms.

"Thank you."

I muttered one time in between shoots. He shook his head.

"You never have to thank me."

He was done shooting at a decent time. We got some takeout and went back to his place. I dont know how that man could be so sneaky but he could. He had a cake and we, well he cut two slices one for him and one for me I assumed, but we only took one out of the cake that we were sharing playing war with with our forks and I dont know how he did it or when but I suddenly saw the candle was lit. He silently got up and opened the window in the room. It was on the otberside, but still it was a nice night still and there isn't eally any breeze just a perfect light coolness. In the air but no breeze at all.

"Do you like the cake?"

"Mhm," I said putting some in my mouth.

" I wasn't sure what to get."

" To be honest I wouldn't either. I think my mom always got whatever she thought I'd like. She always put me first for everything."

"Well she raised an amazing daughter."

I couldnt help the tears that came to my eyes.

"And I bet you she always knew, and is so proud"

He bumped my shoulder playfully to try and get me to smile

"I wish I could've met her."

"Me too."

"But I know she is proud of you and I'd tell her I'd take the best care of her daughter I possibly could and how much I love you. Did she ever say if she liked my movies or no?"

"You know I dont know. One movie ai thought you were such an ass. She did say that I learn to love chest hair on men."

"Oh yeah? Is there a verdict?"

"I love you how you are."

"What a coincidence I love you too." He was leaning into kiss me (so was I to be honest) when there was a sudden woosh we looked up both of us confused. Then he put a smile on.

"I guess someone approves of us."

He was leaning into kiss me(so was I to be honest) when there was a sudden woosh we looked up both of us confused. Then he put a smile on. "I guess someone approves of us."

P.O.V. change

Chris wondered if the person or thing that blew out the candle on a still night knew about the engagement ring he was hiding on his sock drawer.... and if that was thier permission to him...

Taglist

@nana1000night @sapphire-rogers @hawkeyes-queen @sparklybarbarianninja @patzammit

[miraeluc]

you’re suffering alone

prompt: “kageyama knows you as his little ray of sunshine, but what does he do when he finds out how you really feel?”

pairing: kageyama x female! reader 

word count: 3k

warnings: MAJOR tw!!! depression, again major tw self harm, reader cries a lot when kageyama finds out, reader’s mom is dead lol i went all out 

genre: fluff, angst

you were always their little ray of sunshine

when you first joined the school a year ago and introduced yourself all excitedly

hinata ran to tanaka after that class

“we need to convince her to be our manager!!!!”

tanaka was down lol

it didn’t take long to convince you, you were looking for extracurricular activities to engage in anyway 

the conversation went a bit like this

“y/n-san! do you want to be karasuno’s volleyball team manager?”

“sure!”

“we swear it- did you just say yes?”

“...yes”

cue tanaka and hinata screaming 

after you became their manager it didn’t take you and kageyama too long to fall in love either 

he adored the good vibes you brought with in any room you stepped in and you enjoyed the calmness that came with him (except when hinata’s around to annoy him, pretty boy radiates ᵃⁿᵍʸ energy then lol)

poor boy didn’t know that what he felt towards you until he had the whole team screaming at him to ask you out 

so he did 

and so you ended up here, 10 months into dating kageyama and 12 months into being karasuno’s manager along with kiyoko and hitoka 

everyone found it a little weird that you were always the one to stay the longest out of everyone, but everyone assumed it was just because you genuinely enjoyed being there

which you did, don’t get me wrong

that just wasn’t the only reason.

no one actually knew why you had changed schools in the middle of the year

every time someone asked you pushed it off, claiming your old school just wasn’t working out and started babbling about how much you love being at this school and how glad you are to have found real friends like them

“time for a break, i brought food!!”

you held the bags of food up, getting tackled in a gross sweaty hug by nishinoya 

“it’s like you heard my stomach calling out for you, y/n!!! you’re my saviour!!!”

you immediately laughed 

“i know, noya, now get off, you’re sweaty” you cringed a little and he got off, a little offended but he quickly forgot about it and snatched the bags 

you were all sat on the ground, everyone eating quietly when hinata started complaining about his mother nagging him to focus a little more on studying 

that’s how everyone started talking about their mothers, somehow everyone having a little to complain about 

“what ‘bout you, y/n? you have nothing to remark about your mom like our little crybabies here?” daichi looked at you

everyone whined at that,, “we’re not babies!!”

you tensed up at the question before relaxing and smiling 

“nope! my mom is perfect.” you giggled

“woah, i wish!! you need to introduce me to your mom, y/n!!” 

noya was very invested in your mom being perfect, lol

you see

kageyama here is very observant, whether it be on the court or just, well, people in general

he saw you tense up for that split-second, not pressing it further 

he knows you most likely aren’t ready to talk about it 

now that he thinks about it, you never talk about your family

he’d love to know but he understands that you’ll come to him when you’re ready to tell him and he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable by nagging you about it

“i’ll introduce you to her, noya” you giggled

his face lit up and he nodded before the topic changed again and you could now also speak to them about how annoying and hard math class is

fr tho i hate math 

after they were done eating no one could move anymore, let alone practice

hinata tried

keyword tried 

he threw up....

no one else even wanted to practice after that - opting to clean up and end practice for today instead

“kageyama, ill head out a bit early today, i’ve got some stuff to do” you said

you startled the shit out of him because he was just bringing the last volleyball to the cart

“HO- oh.” he stopped himself from screaming and turned to you 

“alright, just take care..” he mumbled, ruffling your hair which made you whine and fix it 

you hate when he does that 

he thinks your reaction is adorable

you scoffed and pulled him down to your height to plant a little kiss on his cheek 

he blushed, pda isnt for him

you loved his soft side so much 

nonetheless he smiled at you and straightened up again 

“call me if anything happens” he cleared his throat 

baby was a little awkward with stuff like this 

you didn’t mind though

you nodded and smiled “will do!”

and off you were lol 

hinata then popped up infront of kageyama 

“what’d you do to her!?!?!?! she never leaves early!!!!!!!”

kageyama pushed him away by the head 

“she just has stuff to do, shut up.”

“hey, mom..” you smiled lightly as you sat down 

“nishinoya is really looking forward to meeting you! the whole team asked about you today.. today was an ok day, i was pretty distracted all day so i didn’t have the time to feel sad again.”

...

you sighed

“but, you know, it’s been getting harder lately. it seems that getting out of bed to get to school is getting harder.. i love making everyone happy, but it’s hard being the provider and never getting something in return. sometimes, when things get hard, i just want to drop everything. i want to stop acting so bubbly and happy, but i know you wouldn’t want me to lose my smile.”

you stood up 

“i’ll get going then, i love you.”

you placed the flowers down on the grave before you, staring down at it with a sad smile before making your way home, yet again 

the next day you showed up to school as you usually did, taking your seat next to kageyama after greeting him like usual 

you were having a conversation with hinata

it was too early for kageyama to speak 

everyone was confused when you didn’t show up to practice that day

kags(｡◝‿◜｡) , 2:47pm: are you not coming to practice?

y/n, 2:49pm: no baby, i’m sorry :( i really can’t tODAY, im so upset over it 

kags(｡◝‿◜｡), 2:50pm: did something happen?

kags(｡◝‿◜｡), 2:53pm: y/n?

y/n, 3.26pm: nope, i just have some stuff to do at home  (╥﹏╥)

the next day you showed up like usual again, this time attending practice too

just like that the days seemed to go by in a blur for you 

day by day you felt yourself breaking more 

day by day the scars on your hips multiplied 

and day by day it got a little harder to make the room light up when you stepped inside 

it was after practice and it was only you, nishinoya and kageyama left 

“hey, y/n, can i finally meet your mom today??”

he was pressing around so much about it 

you smiled and shrugged,

“sure, i bet she doesn’t mind a visit”

“can i come too?” kageyama asked timidly and you nodded 

“of course.. it’s about time.” you smiled 

your eyes were a little glassy 

he frowned

nishinoya was too busy getting excited over meeting the first ever perfect mother to notice and he began dragging you out “let’s go then!”

he was pulling you to the direction of your place before you abruptly stopped

“ah-ah, i didn’t say i still live with her, did I?”

you had both boys confused now and you started walking into the right direction

you intertwined your fingers with kageyama’s

he squeezed your hand a little 

he knew you needed a little support 

only did he not expect you to lead them to the cemetery

nishinoya’s smile dropped when you actually entered the cemetery 

he saw it but he expected you to walk past 

you stopped in front of your mothers grave 

“there she is.” you let out a sigh 

kageyama felt his heart drop 

“wait, y/n, i’m so sorry for pressing this so mu-”

kageyama pulled you in a tight hug, shaking his head at the boy, who now went quiet 

he felt so horrible

you were trying so hard to hold your tears back, looking at noya

“don’t worry, you didn’t know.” 

you still smiled at him 

kageyama then spoke 

“it’s best if you go home, don’t you think?”

he didn’t even sound angry at this point 

nishinoya nodded and left 

he really felt so bad 

you couldn’t hold back and broke out in tears after

this was the first time you cried in front of your boyfriend 

he didn’t expect it to hurt this much 

hearing your little sobs break through you 

he could feel his own heart breaking as he tightened the hug 

neither of you said anything

he just let you cry into his chest 

he didn’t need to tell you he was there for you with words

he told you through gently patting your back as you cried

he told you through not judging you when you cried like this 

even when it started raining and the rain was slowly seeping through both of your clothes he didnt loosen his grip on you 

he let you finish crying 

however long it took 

and when you finally looked up at him, only the moon’s light illuminating your face, he felt his heart break, again, at the sight of your puffy eyes and red nose

he wanted to protect you from all bad things, forever.

“gosh, i’m sorry, it took me so long to stop crying..” 

he shook his head and pecked your forehead quickly “no. you didn’t.”

“..is this why you always avoided talking about your mother?”

you nodded, looking down at her grave, the flowers you placed there two days ago already droopy

you then looked up at him again 

“thank you, for.. supporting me..”

nishinoya apologised about 27 times when he saw you 

you kept reassuring him that it was alright but he felt so bad 

he felt so bad he couldn’t even properly play that day 

daichi sent him home early

“come back when you dont have two left legs!!!”

practice ended soon after that anyway 

you sat on a bench, filling out the last bits of your homework so you didnt have to do it at home, not even noticing that it was just you and kageyama left until he called out to you 

“hey, y/n, mind throwing me some balls? i’m not tired yet and i want to keep practicing”

you happily helped

you admired his determination to get better daily

it was refreshing, seeing him so passionate about volleyball 

how couldn’t you help when he asked like that

that’s how he was now practicing as you were talking 

“can you come over tonight?”

you furrowed your brows

“but it’s a school night?”

he shrugged “i don’t care. you haven’t been at my place for three entire weeks! i only see you at school, i miss you.” he was honest

he really missed you and he wanted to know what was up with your lame excuses every time he asked 

you then nodded 

“alright then, i’ll come.”

whilst he was busy drinking water you tried ‘passing’ the ball (at which you horribly failed)

“look, i’m a better setter than you!”

he chased you down lol 

you took him by surprise when he finally caught you, grabbing onto your hips, followed by a loud intake of breath and a wince from you

fuck

well

he obviously immediately let go

“y/n. what’s wrong?”

you sighed and turned towards him

“um.. i.. hit my hip earlier today..?” you trailed off and he immediately knew that you were lying 

honestly, he kind of had an idea of what it was 

he just didn’t want to think of that possibility

he might be a bit slow, but he’s not stupid 

he has a slight idea why you haven’t been coming over

he notices how the circles under your eyes have gotten darker 

he notices how you sleep in classes, which is something you never do 

and he’s so, so worried 

but he’s scared to approach you 

he’s scared to confirm his worst fears 

he shook his head at you “don’t lie.”

you sighed softly “kageyama, it’s nothing.”

you avoided his gaze and he shook his head again, now unable to hold back from speaking 

“no, y/n. you’re not okay, i know you’re not. i know that you struggle every day and i know you don’t like speaking about it, but i just can’t keep watching you suffer in silence, i do give you your space, but not when it truly concerns your well-being to the point i cant touch you or see you as often as i’d like to!” 

he stopped and took a deep breath, shaking his head 

“let’s go home first, i want to talk about this in a place i can do more for you.”

you were speechless

you never had expected him to notice anything, let alone speak up about it 

you were so lost in thought you let him drag you to his room quietly 

you snapped back to reality when he was unlocking his door, walking inside when it was open - you following 

you sat on his bed, still not knowing what to say

how the tables turn, usually its kageyama being the quiet one and you being the one to fill the silence with unnecessary babbling lol 

he looked at you, uncertainty swimming in his eyes

“can i see?”

you immediately knew what he was talking about, looking down 

you pondered over it a little before nodding

he crouched down before you, looking up at you 

“you know you can trust me, right?”

you furrowed your brows “of course”

“you don’t need to hide your feelings from me, baby, i love you through all of your emotional states, i love seeing you happy but i like comforting you when you feel sad too, you mustn’t hide your feelings.”

your eyes filled with tears at that one sentence

i love you through all of your emotional states

“thank you..” you sniffled

“i mean it. it hurts me when you hide it, it makes me feel so helpless, i don’t want to watch you crumble before my eyes, please, talk to me..”

“i just feel so hopeless, kags.. my heart feels so dull lately.”

you finally let in

“it feels like every single day repeats itself and all of my responsibilities are so hard to fulfill..it’s so hard turning up to school, bringing positive energy with me when all i feel is my sadness taking over my entire self bit by bit.”

he was listening, now sat on the floor before you, chin resting on your knee as you spoke

“but you’re not responsible for anyone’s happiness except yours. i don’t like when you prioritise others before yourself, y/n.. i don’t say it often but you’re truly so important to me and i don’t want you to lose yourself only because you try to make others happy.. it isn’t worth it, we love you for you, i can assure you, no one from our group would judge you for feeling down, we all have bad days, gosh, we all have bad weeks or even months! hiding these feelings will only worsen your pain and lead you to.. do irrational things..” he said, fingertips tracing over your hip gently

“let me see first and then we’ll talk about how we’re fixing this, ok?”

you sniffled and nodded, letting him pull the side of your pants down enough to reveal to him what he feared most 

seeing the cuts scattered on your skin broke him, truly.

he gulped and stood up, leaving to get you a pair of his shorts

“put these on, this way i can tend to them better.” he said, wanting to clean it up first before telling you his thoughts about it 

you nodded and changed into the shorts, him trying not to break down there and then as he left to get some stuff

when he came back you were patiently waiting for him and let him clean the cuts with some alcohol (not without complaining at the stings) before he bandaged them up as best as he could

he then laid down and pulled you with him, hugging you

“oh my precious y/n..” he mumbled

he was hugging your head to his chest to hide the fact that he was tearing up 

he wanted to help you so bad but he knew exactly that he couldn’t just end your suffering and it hurt him 

“but why? why do you do that to yourself?”

his voice cracked when he asked and you looked up, realisation hitting you 

you hurt him so bad by doing this.

the person you loved and cherished most 

“it felt like the only escape”

he caressed the top of your head

“pressuring you into stopping won’t help and isn’t worth it, but please, when you feel like.. doing that, call me instead. i’ll be at your place in no time and- even if you don’t want to talk i can just hug you and keep you company-”

you cut him off by pressing your lips against his

“i will, baby. i’ll call you whenever i feel down from now on”

he nodded “thank you”

he was thanking you as if he wasn’t the one helping you right now

you now hugged him back, “i’m sorry for not saying earlier..”

he hummed “lets just lay here. you’ll get better, i promise.”

he kept his promise

ever since that day, he’s been calling you morning and night, making sure you felt good waking up and going to bed 

he often called you through entire nights

he made you slowly start to understand that your purpose wasn’t to make anyone happy but yourself

he made you realise you were more than a mere person that’s always happy

and he made you understand that showing your feelings wasnt something to be embarrassed about 

(the entire team was very supportive too when they found out you were struggling! kageyama didn’t explain the details though)

so yep.

you had kageyama and a bunch of friends that were supporting you 

and for the first time, you felt hopeful for the future, your mother watching over you proudly after years of struggling and even having to move schools for a fresh start

she could now rest easily, knowing your guardian angel found his way to you and won’t ever leave you.

a/n: YALL I MADE MYSELF EMO WITH THIS ONE:( i hope you enjoyed it & please leave comments about it! 

[heyitsyn]

Nekoma!Manager!Male!Reader

a/n: never written male reader before but this was a funny request and i really do see the irony in this

anon request:  

absolutely LOVED your seijoh hcs! you said you wanted to do the other schools so i thought, how about nekoma but with a MALE manager bc it would be so ironic to have a male god as their manager rather than a goddess that they always talked about!! thank youuuuuuu!!!!!!!

yall the nekoma fanchant is literally stuck in my head

hehe uwu lets step on the pedal

ong jesus take the wheel pls

so basically,,,

being the nekoma manager is a MESS

lets say youre a second year and was only the manager bc you were begged into taking the job

like wouldnt leave you alone and pestered you 25/8, screaming about needing their own god manager

also just because, you are fairly popular and you have your own fanclub of girls in nekoma and they thought it would give them more exposure and more chances w girls :’)

tora was actually the first who came up to you and begged you to be their manager during class one day bc they are in need of one but they arent allowed to have a girl manager so he turned to having a handsome male

‘I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAS TO BE A BOY’

‘so you wont be all over him abd be distracted w showing off’

‘WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION MY SE-’

‘tora, please’

initially, you refused bc you just couldnt be bothered to be part of a club where you basically babysit a bunch of overgrown children

but kenma, your childhood friend, was the team’s last attempt to get you in since kuroo mentioned that he was the only one you listened to

‘kenma, babie, i love you, but i am your friend, not your nanny. so unless i am paid, i will not waste my time taking care of of all of you. especially that chicken head’

‘y/n, yaku is on his last leg here. we really need a manager and we need it fast’

‘you went for years without one so why do you need it?’

‘we’re scared that nekomata would just drop dead any minute now’

‘yanno? im surprised hes even still alive with yall’

‘....... ill show your fangirls that picture of you when we were 5 when-’

‘okay, kenma. rude about the blackmail but okay. dont expect me to be the maid or anything’

nope, you were actually the maid

and the cook

and the nanny

and the laundry person

the everything

it baffles you that kuroo is about to graduate next year yet he still doesnt know the difference between fabric softener and detergent

the amount of times you sent him to pick up more and only to send him back when he ended up buying 2 softeners or 2 detergents

‘they all look the same!’

‘kuroo tetsuro cAN yOu NoT rEAd?!’

ngl i still mix them up sometimes

during matches, youre basically their mother, their nanny, and nekomata’s notetaker, and their personal cheerleader

naoi, the other coach guy, and coach nekomata has adopted you as a son bc of how hard you work and the less the burden is on them

like your notes about their playing percentages really works and helps them and added with the chores you do for the team?

godsend

also, lets put your popularity in here

you dress with a white shirt and zip up your red nekoma jacket with your red sweatpants so you look like one of the players, right?

but how come every time they have practice, youre the only one with the fangirls in the bleachers?

youre literally wearing the same thing as them yet youre the only one who gets looked at?!

even kuroo, who was quite good looking, doesnt have that many girls pining after him yet you, resident anti-tryhard, seems to get the female population to fall for you just by doing the simplest things like breathing

youd be doing normal things like using your whistle as you hold a clipboard and girls would be screeching at you 

‘omg m/n is so hot!’

‘hes just !!!! uuggghhhh’

‘siri how to be a whistle?’

i am uncomfortable with the energy we have created in the gym today

tora complains about it all the time bc first, they cant have a beautiful manager, two, they have a pretty boy who’s taking the attention away

‘SO NOT FAIR! M/N, TURN UGLY!’

you bonk him on the head in anger and threaten to quit all the time

‘say that again and you’ll be filling your own water bottles tomorrow’

but in truth though, the guys really do appreciate you and everything you do

they know that you balance them with your personal life and classes and still make time to do their laundry and make them food

so they have started easing off the burden and weight off of your shoulders

at first, you were very suspicious when they told you that they already filled their water bottles

‘huh? i didnt think you even knew where the water fountain was’

‘wym weve been doing this for years’

-kuroo

then, you heard kuroo tell the others to put their sweaty jerseys in the basket in the corner of the room and for the last person to carry it to the laundromat

‘um, sir, we dont want to have another pink jersey disaster again’

you stopped inuoka from lugging the basket but he shook his head and gave you a wide grin

‘nope, m/n-senpai! i’ll carry it for you! i’m strong, see?’

he flexed his right arm muscle while holding the basket with one hand but it was too heavy so it fell to the ground, spilling out all the practice jerseys

you sighed before bending down to pick them up and babie inuoka’s eyes watered, thinking you were mad at him

‘gomen, senpai’

he whispered but you looked up at him from your position

his watery eyes made you frantically stand up and wipe his tears with the pads of your thumbs

‘inu-kun, why are you crying? you said you were strong right? dont cry over silly things, okay?’

he nodded and you were still confused as to why he was so emotional but you patted his fluffy hair 

‘now cmon, lets go take these to the shop’

unbeknownst to you, the team was actually seething from behind the wall

naturally, as a,,, manager,, you became their,,, energy?? 

like the slightest affections from you made their health bar increase tenfold and they didnt necessarily have any intentions towards you

you were like,,, their own,,,, happy drug?? like a human seratonin??

just the fact that they had someone like you to fall back on and give them love when they lost or something

it was comforting

usually it was just the team’s responsibility to throw away their own sadness and comfort each other

but with you,,,

they could easily cry with no fear and you would comfort them until they didnt need to be comforted anymore

eventually, they ended up straight out competing against each other on who would get the most affection

clearly, inuoka used his first year card and everyone knew you were soft for your kouhais

like you would just grab them and hug them because of how cute they were

uwu especially lev?! 

he may be a giant but hes just a really REALLY REALLY BIG CAT

;)

LEV LIVES TO HUG YOU

like the mans is beanstalk level of height and despite the age difference, he just picks you up and cuddles you and youre just like ‘okay, let it out babie’

DKSFJSLD ANYWAYS

you are always a hot topic w all the students in nekoma and even some in other schools

like during training camp, bro you making everyone question their sexuality

omg akaashi and you are probably the prettiest people there and can i just say how everyone cant focus on a practice match bc youd be laughing together or something and they havent heard anything so beautiful??

and the kitties get really defensive over you and hiss at anyone who even tries to approach you

hiss hiss

DKJFSLKDFJDWHAT IF EVERYONE IN THE TEAM IS BI

OMG WHAT

like the little touches from you make them so red and confident gays like kuroo and bokuto call you out on them and tease you 

while the quiet ones like akaashi and kenma are just blushing and stutter and you tease them instead?

*inhale* BOI *exhale*

the uke and seme dynamic is real on this one

however, there are times when the turned tables

there was that one day that you were seriously questioning if bokuto wore leggings or just really high knee pads and you cornered him after baths to just figure it out

like our poor confident boi turned to a shy babie and shrunk against the wall, covering his red face

‘y-y/n-kun’

‘bo-san, i just want to know’

DKFSJLKDFJFJSDKIM DYING OVER HERE LIKE PLEASE I DONT OWN Y/N

after seeing the smidge of skin at the top of the kneepad, you nodded and brushed your fingertips over the flesh

‘hmm~ so i was right~’

FROM THEN ON POOR BABIE OWL COULDNT LOOK AT YOU THE SAME!!!!!!

it worried everyone so much when bokuto would glance at you in the sidelines and he would competely miss akaashi’s set bc his eyes would focus on you rather than the ball

like he absolutely couldnt take his eyes off of you and when you do turn to meet his eyes, he shrinks back and looks away, completely missing your amused smirk

now, your kitties werent happy about that

theyre very protective of you and they felt that this owl could snatch you right up and fly away

and kuroo, being the captain and the head of the familia, took it upon himself and dragged you to the back of the gym while the others were practicing

kurat pushed you against the wall and basically kabedonned you

KUROO IS LIKE 6′2 OR 190 CM I CANT

‘you seem close with bokuto, l/n. almost, too,, close’

an amused smirk etched itself on your lips and you pressed a hand on his chest

‘oya~? captain-san, am i being punished?’

SFDKLFSJKLDFJL SIR Y/N IS SUPPOSED TO RADIATE SEME ENERGY BUT HE ISNT AND I CANNOT-

ofc he was taken aback by your flirty attitude but he smirked and softly brushed away your bangs that slightly covered your eyes

‘hmm~~ depends, y/n-kun. are you going to be a good kitty and stay with the clowder? or are you going to stay with those pesky chickens~?’

DKFLSJDKFJSL BRO DID YOU KNOW A GROUP OF CATS IS CALLED A CLOWDER?! I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT BUT I HAVE A FEELING KUROO WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT BC HE BIG BRAIN

you chuckled and gently wrapped your arms around his shoulders

but your hand grabbed the hair at the back of his head and harshly pulled him to be closer to you

your eyes blinked innocently but your sharp teeth were shown from your malicious grin

‘ive always been a bad kitty, captain. so i dont care what you say because you cant tell me what to do~’

👀👀👀👀

imagine what happens next bc i cant write something unholy

anyways

so you learned that tetsu CAN in fact tell you what to do and you avoided everyone else which caused them to wonder but one look at your neck

well,,,,,

you got attacked by a cat 

a cat named tetsu

SKDFLJSDKFJSLKUROO IS THE ONLY SEME YOU CLASH WITH

THE OTHERS ARE ALL UKE

EVEN BEEFY BUFF CAKE BOI BO

but you toned it down to not be attacked again

ngl the whole team was all jealous and they even whined to kuroo about it

‘thats not fair!!!!’

‘stop abusing your role as captain!!!!’

they hated the fact that kuroo got you first so they all rally over to keep you away from him

like baby kenma would nudge you over and bring him to sit next to you, saying he needs you to help him with a certain level

‘kenny, im not sure how to play this game’

‘hmm,,,, youre a quick learner, y/n, and youre really quick with your fingers so you could pass to the next level’

*insert lenny face*

‘oya? and you would know how, kenny?’

and baby kenny would fluster a little before glomping to your side and burying his face into your shoulder to hide away

OR

the first years would absolutely use their kouhai priviledges and bring you over to help them with ‘homework’

‘you guys realize i passed because kuroo would beat me into studying right?’

‘but senpai! you mustve learned a thing or two in your classes!’

‘bold of you to assume i was even awake in my classes’

but they still make you spend hours trying to help them which turn into just messing around 

KSDLFJSDKFJD MOVIE NIGHTS YOU GUYS THATS IT!!

there isnt really a single calm moment in your guys’ practice

poor you have already started seeing lot of gray hairs

you literally decline every single confession just because youre too busy for a date and you cant handle having to take care of another person

its like youre dating the whole team!!

soon the entire school have just accepted the fact that you are just simply not in the market anymore just because you joined the club

not because youre actually taken by a girlfriend but youre taken by a bunch of teenage males

imagine how that works out

anyways

youre not really the best volleyball player out there but you know a thing or two

well,,, its more like your stamina doesnt allow you to play long bc a single lap literally destroys your lungs

but you still know when yaku complains about having a shaky receive

‘oh, momo-senpai, youre bending your knees too low so gravity is pushing down on your-’

ugh chemistry i hate it

despite your lack of athletic or physical skills, they still appreciate you for your keen eyes, your caring nature, and your overall looks that give them motivation to play harder to impress you personality :)

all the boys love you

and tbh

you love your boys too

even though it was a blackmail caused event,

you still would’ve joined otherwise

this is kinda short but its going to be longer if i find some plots or somebody asks for a plotline that i can write about for a long time

anyways

byeeeee :)))))

a/n: this isnt exactly the best manager one ive written but ill probably find a good prompt for this or again as stated ^^ someone sends in an ask for it and ill write a story for our favorite male manager :’D

[julie-thefatones]

Ghostin || Luke x Reader|| Part 1

A/N: Its been over a year since your best friend Luke passed away, finding it hard to cope with everyday life you go through stages of grief and depression, until one day Luke comes back.....

This story will include flashbacks, when that happens I will put the words in bold.

Inspiration for this story coming from Ghostin by Ariana Grande (if you wanna feel the vibe for the first chapter listen to this song)

Word Count: 1, 384

WARNINGS: Depression, Death, Thoughts of self harm

It had been exactly 1 year and a month, 395 days, 568800 minutes, countless nightmares, countless tears since he.... well, since the incident. Days seemed to go by in slow motion, everybody around you used to ask you if you were okay, give you hugs, call you and see if you wanted to hang out.... you appreciated everyones kindness and words, really you did.... you just couldn't. Whenever you would give in and go out, you would see Luke in every person you saw, only making it harder to deal with the pain. Eventually ignoring all calls and people all together..... Slowly causing the people in your life to fall away from you, until eventually everyone was gone... your parents did the best they could to interact, your sister gave up after 6 months... you couldn't blame her though, she was only 13 and didnt really understand what was going on... the only person that seemed to stick around was your boyfriend Jeremy.

You and Jeremy had known each other since you were just kids. You actually met him through Luke while playing on the playground in 4th grade, Luke had told him the main way to a girls heart was to throw mud in her face.... which he did .... and he learned that day forward not to listen to Luke because most the time he was full of it... but most of the time, he would listen to him anyway.

Jeremy probably understood you more than anyone..... well that was except... Luke. Jeremy understood yours and Lukes relationship though.... even so, you couldn't help but feel bad, you haven't exactly made things easy on him. You wondered time and time again why he stayed with you.... why he loved you... The Body of the girl that was once full of life and there, now standing with a vacancy sign on her chest.... hallow.

You sat in your room watching the rain trickle down the window pane, looking up at the sky.... sometimes you wondered if Luke was watching you, was with you sometimes. You felt the tears start to trickle down your cheek... that was usually your sign to go and lay down, for the pain was to unbearable to stay awake.

Although,Sleep wasnt always your friend ........ "LUKE" You cried in pain, tears streaming down your face, caused by a reoccurring nightmare of when you found out he had passed. clutching your chest to catch your breath, you felt arms wrap around you to hold you closer, a comforting "sssshhh" coming from behind you, it was Jeremy.... you had completely forgot he was supposed to come over. You buried your face into his chest, soaking his shirt in tears as he gently patted your hair until you drifted off to sleep once more. The minute your eyes would close.... there he was standing there with his smirk, and kind eyes getting ready to welcome you into a hug.. this was when sleep was kind to you.

The next morning you woke up to a sunny day, you rubbed your eyes to fully accept the morning, rolling over to find Jeremy looking confused and lost. "Good morning" you said trying to sound as positive as you could, Jeremy just kind of glanced over at you, his eyes slightly puffy.... as if he were crying "Are you okay?" you asked genuinely concerned, even though you were empty, you still wanted to be there for him.. after all he has been here for you this whole time. He looked at you hurt, but like he was trying to understand, biting his lip "What did you dream about last night?" He asked, you could tell in the tone of his voice that he seemed to have already knew, and wasnt happy about it, you thought back about what your dream was about .... You and Luke were hanging out in his room messing around with his guitar, and him looking at you and telling you that everything was going to be okay, and that he was there, and not to be sad anymore..... you looked back at Jeremy "It was just ... a dream.... nothing super big" You said trying to change the subject, "You kept saying... Luke....." He said biting his lip again, you sighed, fidgeting with your pillow "This isnt anything new, you know I have that nightmare where I relive hearing about his death....." You said with a crack in your voice, Jeremy sighed "No... I know that one, when you scream, which did happen... but im not talking about that one.... im talking about the ones after that" He said looking straight into your eyes, "These were different... you kept saying his name, like he was right next you ... and you would cuddle up to me and then say his name." Jeremy said, with almost betrayal in his voice, you played with your hair and then looked him in the eyes "Its nothing.... he just.....sometimes he visits me in my dreams.... or " you paused and scrunched your blanket more up to your face "Or feels like he visits me.... " you said in almost a whisper.... "Its nothing you need to worry about" you sighed hoping he would forget about it and move on "Are these new? or have they always happened?" you pondered at his question, not sure if you should tell the truth, Jeremy was the only person you had left and you didnt want to scare him off too, Luke would have told you to be honest and do what you feel in your heart, and then he probably would have tickled you to lighten the mood, but he would have been right, you always hated when he was right because then he got this cocky grin and would tease you endlessly... you hated it so much .. that you loved it. You sighed "They have been here for about 9 months.... so not the whole time but they aren't new either" You said with full honesty, Jeremy sighed and ruffled his hair, as if he was trying to cope "Okay.... " he said with almost exhaustion and frustration, then he grabbed you and held you next to him "Well, I wish you just.. would have told me sooner" he said kissing the top of your head, you loved that he cared... but you didnt want to tell him .... because then it became real that the dreams in fact... were not.

The nightmares and dreams continued like they always do, you would wake up and live your days like you always do..... Jeremy would try to be supportive like he always did. It all got so monotonous.... you just didnt know what to do about it. The only person that knew how to bring you out of your slumps, the only person that knew how to talk any sense into you was gone... he wasnt there.... so you just sat, going through the motions of every day like a robot on command. Everything around you felt fake, even yourself.... you couldn't take it anymore... so you ran.

You felt the crisp nights air brush against your face as you ran, smell of the ocean wafting in your direction as you made your way to the top of the cliff. You came to a halt right at the edge... breathless. Tears streaming down your face with uncontrollable cries bellowing from within your lungs. You looked over the edge thinking about what you were planning on doing.... you kept thinking about Your mom and dad, your sister, Jeremy..... Lukes parents who still invited you over every Sunday for brunch.... would they care, how much would this hurt them? but then all these thought of everyone in your life disappearing when the pain within you arose again.... you knew that of course they would care and it would probably destroy them all.... just the pain in your heart was unbearable, you looked over the edge once again, taking a deep breath in "I love you Luke" You said in a whisper, tears rolling down your face "Y/N! what are you doing" A voice from behind you exclaimed with caution, and then you felt a hand grab your arm, you looked behind you ...... you couldn't believe it "Luke?"

[trashpocket]

Okay so I got this headcanon that Lalli is actually a really good singer when he wants to be. (like, he's a mage so he must be good as singing runos...) Anyways how about : Emil hears Lalli sing and falls in love with it... OR maybe Lalli singing lullabies to Emil in Finnish? Idk, feel free to play around with that if you want ^^

Sleep, sleep meadow bird,

Tired, tired, wagtail.

Sleep well in the grass,

Drift into the white land.

- Sleep, sleep Meadow Bird

Emil’s mind was a mess of hallways, and rooms, where many served no purpose, and led to dead ends. There were many corners and spaces where one could hide, and many nooks and crannies where things lay, untouched and out of place. As if it was left there, after being forgotten, afraid to be picked up once more in order to return it (as if there was no other place where it could return to). 

Lalli knew how dreamscapes functioned. They were basically an extension of one’s mind and soul, materialized into an ideal place that fit the person the most. That told the most. If you were like Onni, whose space was dominated by a lake in the center, that stayed in perpetual twilight, with a guard of trees, so thick and wide, the rocky terrains were nothing but just the beginning. Then, one would know you hid a sadness at the core of you, guarded well by walls of fear and concern, shutting anyone out from accessing the sadness that ran deep in your bones.

 And if you were like Emil, who resided in an endless maze, with every window and door shut, every drawer and cupboard filled, and everything sealed so tight, that it offered no leverage (but kept one away from the fire, away from the burning), then one would know that you were good at hiding things. 

At burying them deep.

That’s why, when Lalli witnessed Emil silently cry through a nightmare, without making a sound (as if the action was so practiced, and pressed deep into his bones, that it hurt for Lalli to even think about it), he was surprised that Emil had been hiding his tears and cries so well. Just when Lalli thought he knew Emil, who seemed like an open book, and wore his very heart on his sleeve, there Emil was, shattering his beliefs by taking him into a dreamscape that wasn’t meant to be possible. There he was, acting so unlike himself in his arms. There was he, destroying the belief that Lalli ever knew him at all. 

In fact, Lalli barely knew anything, if he thought about it. 

When he found Emil crying, he was woken to the scent of salt.

He hated the smell of it.

It reminded him of wet sand (sinking him to his knees), of grief and mourning (when he screamed till there was nothing to scream about but the deafness in his ears) and Tuuri (who had been swallowed by the waves and whose body he had lost to the sea).

Lalli had long know that the world was cruel and merciless; was harsh, and unkind. He knew it firsthand in Saimaa, witnessed it once more in Denmark.

And here? — it just hurt to watch someone he had thought were ignorant and blind, and protected from grief, be silently inflicted with it all along. Lalli was supposed to notice things. Was supposed to be perceptive.

And yes, he was.

It's just — Emil was just better at hiding some parts of him that he didn't want Lalli to see.

And though Lalli wasn't happy with the fact that there were still many things he didn't know about Emil, he pushed those worries aside. In due time, they would, but right now, he had someone who needed him.

He reached over and tentatively smoothed out Emil's hair from his wet cheeks. He continued doing so, until Emil himself woke up, eyes hazy and clouded with confusion.

"Lalli?" his voice was gravelly with the sound of sleep and breathlessness; there was a tremble in there that he also caught. Lalli didn't know what to say. Everything will be fine? He was here? Don't worry? No words seemed appropriate for Lalli to say, when they were out in the wilderness, searching for his stupid cousin, as trolls and beasts wandered about, ready to murder them if they so much as squaked at the wrong moment.

Lalli didn't know what he was trying to do, but he sat up, and his body language must've signalled comfort, because Emil allowed himself to hug Lalli around his midriff, burying his face into his belly. Lalli found it almost surreal that he was the one cradling Emil this time. It had always been Lalli who was held first.

But Emil was releasing shuddering breaths against him, trusting Lalli to muffle and take away that noise, the pain. Lalli's heart twinged strangely at that, and he carefully cradled Emil to him, content with the trust Emil thrusted upon him.

It was only natural for Lalli to sing a spell under his breath. Enough only for Emil to hear.

"Nuku, nuku nurmilintu,

Väsy, väsy, västäräkki.

Nuku nurmelle hyvälle,

Vaivu maalle valkialle."

He brushed the golden strands of Emil's hair, content to hold him there.

"Lintu tuopi liinahapaijan,

Haapana hyvän hamehen.

Kaskeloinen korvatyynyn,

Pääskynen peäalusen."

Emil had softened his grip around Lalli's waist, as he burrowed his face into Lalli's stomach. Lalli allowed him, more happy with Emil staying than pulling away. It was his fault, after all. Tearing a hole into the mind of a godless heathen? Leaving their dreamscape open and vulnerable? No wonder Emil's nightmares were terrible.

"Nuku, nuku nurmilintu,

Väsy, väsy, västäräkki.

Nuku nurmelle hyvälle,

Vaivu maalle valkialle."

But, maybe this was what Onni felt like, when he held Tuuri and him after the fall of Saimaa. Maybe this was what Onni felt, when he would sing the same spell to Lalli, on the nights where memories and terror combined so well, to reign in his nights the hardest. Maybe this was what Onni felt like, when the pressure became too much at sixteen, when he found himself alone in the world, with two of his family left, with no one to properly care for him in return.

Maybe this was what Onni felt like, when he had someone to protect.

And now, Lalli understood why Onni would run into danger, when one of the people he loved the most was taken from him.

(Still didn't excuse him, though.)

Emil looked up at Lalli, the vestiges of sleep almost engulfing his eyes. But not before Emil smiled softly, reaching up to brush Lalli's hair from his forehead, trying to comfort Lalli's worried brow.

Lalli snorted at his hand, rolling his eyes. He was comforting you, stupid, not the other way around!

But Emil didn't care, settling his cheek on Lalli's chest like an anchor, and breathing out his last words of the night before his nightmares were chased away.

"Thank you, Lalli."

That's why Lalli won't give up. If he won't give up on Emil, then he won't give up on stupid Onni, either. He had people to protect; to bring home, to talk to, and to live with.

He won't give up, not like this, when he could chase their nightmares away.

Besides, there was comfort in knowing that there was someone out there that Lalli could at least protect, and he was there, pressed close to his heart, offering a comfort Lalli hadn't thought he could ever afford.

_____________

(So, I was planning for this to be fluff, until my hands took control and now this happened but, nvm that. I wanted this small piece to emulate a dream, and im sad i didnt have enough time to fully render it :'D but i hope you enjoyed it anyway. I also didnt know if u wanted a small fic, or just a piece, so i thought, why not both?

I wanted to explore Emil's dreamscape a bit, and just think about the repurcussions of a heathen having a dreamscape that held no protection or any control for his dream environment. Would nightmares become more vivid? Would memories come out easier than before? Would Emil be even able to protect himself against any foreign entity who wished to enter his mind? Anyways, the lullaby is Nuku, nuku, Nurmilintu. Hope yall liked it!❤)

[all-hail-the-witcher]

cuddling

here is my contribution for ace week! im literally squeezing this in at the last possible second (as its 11:32pm on 10/31 as i start this) but better late than never i suppose!!

i dont often talk about my sexuality on this blog, but i do identify as ace and its not something ive ever been overly comfortable with. but seeing the plethora of ace week fics on my dash this past week (mostly by @jaskierswolf, hi, hope you dont mind being tagged) has been so awesome and has made me feel so much more comfortable in myself that i had to write something for this :)

this is some gray romantic/ace geralt with some ace jaskier. warnings for mentions of dubious consent/ not wanting to have sex but doing it anyway. there is no explicit sexual content but it is referenced.

___

Geralt was a Witcher. His entire livelihood consisted of him doing things for humans: killing monsters, bargaining with sorceresses, fighting wars, protecting them from pretty much anything that could hurt their fragile mortal selves. It had been trained into him ever since he was a child. Do what the humans ask of you. It is your job. 

So why would sex be any different?

Humans enjoyed sex. This was something Geralt had come to learn during his time on the path. What was even worse was that some of them especially enjoyed having sex with Witchers. 

Geralt did not enjoy sex. He was not a human, and it was decidedly a human activity. But that did not stop humans from wanting to have sex with him. Some sought him out specifically, wanting to know what it was like to lie with a Witcher for a night. Others insisted on paying him for his monster hunting duties with a round. He never took pleasure in it. Sometimes he would pretend he did. He had gotten quite good at pretending over the years, learning little tricks that humans seemed to like. But the act of it itself made his skin crawl for days on end and he could feel their fingers and lips long after the marks on his skin had faded.

But he worked for humans. He couldn't deny them what they asked of him. 

He assumed Jaskier would be the same. The man was certainly human, so much so that he would flirt with grass if it came down to it (which, admittedly, Geralt had only witnessed once, and Jaskier had been very drunk at the time, but still). But he never tried to bed him, which surprised Geralt. He knew he was good, if the praises of the the people he'd laid with before were any indication Humans generally needed him for a favor and then left him to the wind. Jaskier hadn’t asked him to kill a monster or help him track down an unruly mage, and it had been years at least since they had first crossed paths. The only logical conclusion that Geralt could come to was that Jaskier was waiting for him to bed him and then he would leave, just like everyone else.

The problem was that Geralt had grown quite fond of Jaskier over the years (and his incessant flirting) and while he didn’t want the bard to leave, he also didnt want Jaskier to be miserable following him around anymore. Five years was quite a long time to wait for a round, especially in human years. Resignedly, Geralt told himself that in the next town he would lay with Jaskier and then the whole thing could be over, and they could both move on with their lives. 

He rented a room with one bed, as they often did, despite there being enough coin for one with two. Jaksier hardly noticed, flouncing off to play a few sets for the locals while Geralt went upstairs to prepare. 

He felt the characteristic tightening of his stomach and the shakiness that always came with this particular activity, but he stripped down obediently, even talking the time to rub some of the oils Jaskier liked to much into his hair before laying down on the bed to wait. 

He didn’t have to wait long. “Geralt! You’ll never believe th- whoa, were you expecting someone?” He stood in the doorway awkwardly.

“Just you,” Geralt grunted. They should get this over with. 

“Me? Geralt...did you think I wanted to have sex with you?”

“Well...” Geralt picked at the blanket, feeling foolish for having to explain himself, he thought that humans should understand these things. “Humans always need me for something. And you dont need a monster killed, so I figured....” “Oh dear heart,” Jaskier walked over and sat down on the bed next to him, running his fingers though his hair. “Please do not take this the wrong way, but I do not want to have sex with you.”

“You don’t?” Geralt was shocked. “But...humans....”

“Not all humans like sex Geralt. I certainly don’t. It makes me skin crawl and I feel all weird after. So I don’t do it. I’m still plenty romantic with people, but I dont get into bed with them.” “Hmm.” Jaskier didn’t like sex either? Maybe it wasn't a human thing after all.

“What it Geralt? That was your I’m-Contemplating-Something hum.”

“It...makes my skin crawl too.” He said carefully after a few moments. 

Jaskier’s hand slowed in his hair. “Dear heart,” he began carefully. “Do you like sex?”

Did he? No one had ever asked him what he wanted before. He didnt think he did. It didnt feel pleasant and he usually had to jump in a cold stream after. “No.”

“Then why did you want to do it with me?” “You’re human,” Geralt shrugged. “Humans either want me to kill monsters or want me in their bed. I serve humans, I can’t turn them down. You are a human.” 

"But you dont like sex?”

“No. I’m a Witcher. It’s probably the mutations. But can still get by.” Actually, now that he thought about it, from what he remembered, he’d never been much interested in it before the trials either.

“Geralt,” Jaskier tilted his chin up to look at him and he saw sadness swirling in his eyes. “Not wanting to have sex is not a Witcher thing. Plenty of humans feel the same way too. Admittedly there aren't many of us, I’ve only come across a few in my lifetime, and I think there's a word for it but I can’t remember it right now. Sex does not interest me either, but there are far more other important things in a relationship than just sex.”

Geralt was confused. “But sex is the only thing people ever wanted me for.” 

“And I’m terribly sorry about that, dear heart, but you’re with me now and I will never make you have sex with me. Have you ever- or wait, is there anything else that you dont like?”

Geralt’s head was spinning, and he was still stuck on the part where Jaskier had said that he would never make Geralt have sex with him. For the first time that evening, he felt his hands stop their shaking and something like warmth bloom inside him. “Hmm?”

“Is there anything else you dont like doing? Besides the sex bit I mean.”

Besides sex....Geralt tried to remember what came along with laying with someone. He usually blocked it all out after. “Kissing,” he finally said. “Burns my skin.”

“Alright, we’ll do none of that then.” Jaskier moved from the bed, beginning to take off his doublet and Geralt seized up for a second, afraid that Jaskier was going go back on his word, but then he reached for his nightclothes. “Are you familiar with cuddling?”

“Cuddling?” The word felt unfamiliar in his mouth.

“I’ll take that as a no.” Jaskier smiled. “Go put your nightclothes on. I think I have something that you will enjoy far better than that nasty sex business.”

So here it was then, Jasper did need him for a service after all. Geralt got out of bed and slowly pulled on his night clothes, painfully aware this would be their last night together before they parted ways for good, before returning to the bed. 

“Right, so youre just going to lay on your side, yes right like that, and then I lay behind you, see? And I put my arm around you like this, and we snuggle.” Jaskier’s breath tickled his hair.

“What do we do though?” “What do you mean, what do we do?” Despite Jaskier’s words though, he didnt seem angry. “This is it. We hold each other and enjoy each others presence. We can change positions, if you want, like you can take a turn holding me for example or I could lay on your chest, but we just hold each other close. Show each other we care. This is called cuddling.”

“Hmm.” As far as Geralt was concerned, it was far better than sex. But he knew it wouldn't last. This was all Jaskier wanted from him, clearly, which prevented Geralt from thoroughly enjoying it. 

“Where will you go?” he spoke into the silence a few long moments later. 

Jaskier paused drawing light patterns on Geralts forearm. “What do you mean?”

“Tomorrow.” Wasn't it obvious?

“Well I’ll go wherever you’re going. Just like we always have?"

“You...you’re not,” Geralt swallowed thickly. “You’re not leaving?” 

“Leaving?” Jaskier’s voice rose an octave. “Why on the continent would I be leaving?”

“You’ve got what you wanted from me, with this....cuddling business. You have no reason to stay.”

“Oh dear heart.” The next thing he knew he was being flipped around to face Jaskier. Jaskier, who had tears in his eyes that were just barely visible in the low light. Instinctively, he reached up to brush them away. “I’m cuddling with you because I care about you, because I love you. Not because I want something from you.”

“Oh.” Geralt didn’t know what to say. Jaskier loved him? No one had ever loved him before, much less cared about him or wanted him to be comfortable. 

Jaskier placed his hand on Geralt’s chest. “You never have to do anything you dont want to do with me. And if you don’t want to travel with me anymore, I’ll leave. You are your own person, Geralt, even if you are a Witcher. And you make your own decisions. You wouldn't take a contract that you felt unsafe doing, so in the same vein, you dont have to have sex with anyone if you dont want to. You make your own decisions. You dont even have to cuddle with me right now if you want to. You choose what you want to do based on what you’re comfortable doing, do you understand?”

Geralt nodded into the darkness. This was all so much. He hadn't been able to make his decisions in...well ever. And now Jaskier was giving him permission to. “I want you to stay,” he whispered. “I....care about you too.” He didnt say that he thought he could love him, he wasn't ready to say that yet. And according to Jaskier he didnt have to say it if he didnt want to. 

“Good. Now that we've got that sorted, come here,” Jaskier pulled Geralt into his chest, running his fingers through his hair delicately. Geralt closed his eyes, never had he felt more safe in his entire life. Who knew humans could be so gentle?

Just as he was teetering on the edge of unconsciousness he whispered, “Jaskier?”

“Hmm?”

Geralt felt a small smile tug at his lips at hearing how own language on Jaskier’s lips. “Can we do more of this...cuddling?”

Jaskier’s laugh sounded through his chest, vibrating pleasantly against Geralt’s ear. “Of course we can, dear heart. Of course.”

___

that turned out way longer than i thought it would and its now 37 minutes late but oh well.

throw me an ask if you wanna be on my tag list!

taglist: @percy-jackson-is-sexy- @barlowarts @eminasan @llamasdumpsterfire @stinastar @nonegenderleftpain @electricrituals

[wychive]

𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.

pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader

genre(s) // angst, letter fic 

warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking

word count // 2.0k

author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn​ !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.

[10/01/14, 3:55am]

dear jinnie,

hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph)  sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol  im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:

hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!

me: haha brain go brrrr

anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!

signed,

your loser,

y/n/n

[15/02/14, 12:34am]

yo heartthrob!

im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:) 

signed,

your partner in crime,

y/n/n

[30/02/15, 01:29am]

jinnie-senpai~~

LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!

signed,

<your bestest friend3,

y/n

(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)

[13/04/15, 9:04pm]

hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)

i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot

signed,

your 'lover',

y/n/n

[08/06/16, 10:23pm]

hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)

this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3 

what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?  

signed,

your daisy,

y/n/n

[19/07/15, 01:23am]

peepee poopoo hello

heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,

also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao

signed,

your moonlight,

y/n/n

[23/07/15, 01:56am]

greetings, kind sir

lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me.. 

she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,

signed,

your pink lemonade,

y/n/n

[25/07/15, 03:25am]

hi there

i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.

keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie

signed,

your asswipe,

y/n

[25/07/15, 04:30am]

jinnie

it's because i love you. 

signed,

your butterfly,

y/n

[??/08/??, 05:??am]

you

i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.

[??/??/15, ??:??am]

asshole.

please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people. 

youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.

signed,

fuck off,

you know who i am.

[31/08/15, 03:41am]

ah, jinnie

please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.

signed,

your fuck-up,

y/n

[15/09/15, 04:59am]

jinnie

why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.

when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them. 

you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog. 

signed,

friend,

y/n/n

[04/02/16, 12:57am]

hey

i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine. 

signed,

y/n

[06/01/20, 08:00pm]

dear hyunjin,

im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were. 

sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--

it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..

it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar. 

i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?

signed,

the one that loved you the most,

y/n.

taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio​ , @neo-shitty​

reply to be in my gen taglist!

[killthe-illusionarydreams]

Chronic Emptiness

Fred x reader

After the war

Summary: Y/N having a depressive episode & Fred trying to help her through it. Basically me living vicariously through her. Soft moment.

Warning: Mentions of depression & plainly feeling like shit

——————

Y/N was exhausted. Not by her job or work, just mentally drained. This sort of thing happened sometimes. One moment she was okay, the next it all came crashing down on her & she’d feel pure hatred for the world she was living in. Fred had gotten used to it by now, he’d be the ever so caring boyfriend & try to help her through it however he could. Exept he really couldnt do much but reassure Y/N that he was there for her.

And of course Y/N appreciated him & all his efforts, she loved Fred more than life itself & everyone knew that. But sometimes she just needed space. Like today.

They were at a bar with George & Angelina and several other mates after their shifts had all ended from their various occupations. George & Fred at their joke shop, Angelia at the Ministry, Y/N at St Mungos.

Y/N never truly felt like she belonged, not growing up at home, not at Hogwarts, & certainly not in St Mungos where she was working as a nurse. Its not that she hated the job, more like it didn’t particularly cause her immediate joy. She just did it. She got on with it & did what she had to.

As her friends were dancing to the music Y/N leant into her boyfriends ear so he’d hear her say “Hey Fred I think I’m gonna head home early today, I’m tired.”

The man looked up at her, as if trying to read her thoughts “D’you want me to come with love?”

Y/N shook her head, declining the offer “No dont worry. I’ll go through the park, I need some fresh air anyway.” Fred nodded & bid her goodbye with a kiss, telling her to stay safe. “I’ll see you at home.”

It was already dark outside, the tall streetlamps being the main source of light for the woman, but she wasnt really paying attention to where she way going, not caring enough to look. Y/N got to the park near the flat where her & Fred lived, deciding to make a pitstop there she sat on one of the wooden benches that overlooked a small river.

Letting out a heavy sigh she put her head into the palms of her hands, it was feeling all too heavy lately. “Dear Merlin I’m so tired.” Mumbling, the woman rolled her head in her hands before sitting back up and gazing at the sky. Oh how beautiful it looked tonight.

Lighting up a cigarette, she put it to her lips & took a long inhale. She was supposed to be quitting smoking, Fred always got on her about continuing the habbit. In all honesty Y/N didnt care enough to stop, at this point she wasnt even sure if she still got the same boost of seratonin from smoking as she used to. But again, it didnt bother her.

“Fuck me why is life so draining?” She asked no one in particular, she knew why it was draining, the abundance of issues with her brain promptly being the answer. She just wished it were easier. Easier to deal with things.

Realistically Y/N had nothing to be unhappy about anymore, there was no war, she had a good life, an amazing boyfriend, a stable job, decent friends. But there was a permanent void in her heart that could never be filled. Ever since she was a child it stayed with her. Maybe her cold & harsh, unloving parents brought it on, or maybe how she didnt let herself feel love & would distance herself from anyone that ever got close to her. But it was there. Unmovable.

The woman let the smoke out from her mouth, sighing at why she was having another one of her episodes, feeling shitty about having said episode. Yet, there was nothing she could do to stop it from occuring. “Fuck off brain.” She mumbled to herself, cursing her biology & upbringing “Stop feeling so Shit.”

“I keep you alive you ungrateful idiot.” She huffed to herself “And I’m doing a pretty good job, so stop making me feel like its my fault.” It wasnt her fault. If it were, Y/N would know how to fix it & evidently stop feeing this way.

Some would say the war brought this Y/N on, but people knew that she was like this way before. However, before she was better at hiding it. Better at hiding the dark circles, the restlessness, the ‘I dont care what happens to me’ attitude. In all honesty it didnt bother Y/N that people knew she was like this, she didnt do it on purpose. And when she could- she’d be happy- the life of the party, in those instances she could hide her feelings. But sometimes they just got too overwhelming to bare.

“You’re being such a selfish prick.” She sighed and puffed on yet another cigarette “Go home Y/N. Go to the man who loves you.” Yet she made no motion to move. It’d probably been two hours since she left the bar, she wasnt keeping track of time, not feeling the need to.

Sometimes she thought that Fred didnt love her, not because he said something or did something, but because she thought that Fred puts up with her. Which wasn’t true, the man loved her to death, she made him feel alive. Y/N was a risk taker, an adventurer, someone that kept you on your toes- & he admired that about her. Y/N was smart & funny & the most gorgeous person Fred had ever seen, but he knew that behind her sarcasm & faux narcissistic comments, she didnt believe it. Oh what he’d give for the woman to see herself through his eyes.

A few more minutes passed & the woman got up with a sigh, throwing the butt of her cigarette down, she made her way home.

The door creaked open, a little too loudly for Y/N’s taste, she winced at the sound, hoping it wouldnt wake Fred.

“Where were you?” The light flicked on. Before her stood a dischevelled Fred, arms crossed “I got home and you werent here.”

“I was in the park.” She mumbled, taking her coat off “Lost track of time, sorry.”

Fred looked at the woman before him, he noticed the dark circles that she tried to cover prefousley with makeup, noticed the ash on her jacket and faint aroma of smoke mixed with sadness.

“Its fine.” He reassured her and went to hug her, pretending to not notice her cold body & how she stiffened when he touched her “Just let me know next time alright?”

The woman hummed in agreement and walked into the living room, as she sat on the couch she put the tv on to play some sort of muggle program but not really paying attention to it. She just didnt fancy Fred interrogating her about her feelings. She hated talking about them, normally just botteling them up. Maybe that was the cause of her unhappiness.

A few moments went by & she thought Fred had went to bed, but then she felt the couch sink next to her. “Here” he placed a blanket around her & handed her a hot mug of tea “You’re freezing.” Mumbling a thanks she sipped on her drink, not really feeling like talking she waited for him to say something, anything.

And he did “Is it getting bad again?” Oh. Was it? Probably. Most definitely.

“I’m fine.” She lied “I’ll be fine.” Y/N wasnt convincing anyone.

Fred watched her, not knowing what to say or do. He wished he could help, just magically cheer up the love of his life. But thats not how life worked. “You’re good enough.” He blurted out “You deserve to feel happy.”

Y/N didnt look up at him, she knew Fred was trying to help. But was he? I dont know.

“Do I though, do I really?” She finally asked with a sigh, those seemed to be coming from her a lot lately “Because I know I do, I just dont feel it coming to me and its so draining to get on with life when you feel worthless.”

Fred took in what she just said, pausing before trying to come up with a reasonable response “I know.” He sighed “I want to help you Y/N, what can I do?” What could he do though? Realistically?

“I dont know. Nothing. This’ll pass soon enough and I’ll be okay.”

Fred knew that, Y/N was always ‘okay’ or ‘fine’ or ‘just tired’ “But I want you to be better than okay. I want you to be happy, to enjoy life and all its moments.”

Y/N scoffed “And you think I dont want that?” There was a tense silence

“Why dont we take the day off tomorrow and go out somewhere? We havent done that in a while.” Fred suggested. It was true, with both of them being bombarded by work they hardly saw eachother in the last few months.

“Sure.” Y/N smiled sickly and set her tea down “Yeah alright I’ll just sack my job off to have a fun little date with you eh? Why not risk getting fired just because I’m feeling a little moody huh?”

Fred was taken aback by her words and immediately went back on what he said “If you dont want to thats fine I-“

“Im sorry” she cut him off “I’m sorry, that was a dick move I didnt mean it, just everythings gotten so much-“ she put her feet up on the couch to hug them “Im sorry.” A few stray tears fell onto her knees

Fred moved closer to her “Hey, its okay, its okay dont worry. I understand.” Oh sweet understanding Fred, Fred who gave you unconditional love and support. Fred who you keep snapping at.

Moments pass as he embraces you, your body leaning against his heavily. Not sure whether its the exhaustion or something else “I dont deserve you.” You mumble into his chest. He frowns cups your face in his hands, you lean in to his warm touch.

“Dont say that” you let out a quiet sob “Y/N you deserve the absolute world, and I wish I could give it to you & more. If I could take away your pain, I would. In an instant I would. You dont deserve to feel like this, to think like this. But I’m here for you okay. I love you, so fucking much you don’t understand.” He gazed into her eyes, wishing she could feel how much he meant it “You’re the best thing that happened to me & I’m going to prove it to you, whatever it takes Y/N.” He kissed your nose before letting you hug him tighter, relieved that you no longer shrunk away from his touch “Words cant express how much I love you.”

After a few more tears fall, Y/N laughs into his chest “Good because you’re stuck with me.”

Fred grins to himself “I wouldnt have it any other way.”

[justsomefluff]

Could I request an Ateez reaction in which the members find out that one of the other members has a crush on their s/o (the other member possibly doesn't know their dating) please and thank you!

Ask and you shall receive!

I made this one so that you have been friends with the guys for a while anyway, so that’s why no one is suspicious of you dating.

Hongjoong:

One day you’re just chillin in the dorms right

It’s about to be movie night!!!

The best night when you have literally the funniest people with you

Once everyone figures out what snacks they need and actually sits down

you plop next to Joongie for some secretive snuggles

But as soon as you sit down, Wooyoung starts yelling about how he wanted to cuddle with you during the movie

Everyone teases him because even you know he has a crush on you (he’s not shy and he has a big mouth so you found out pretty quick)

Since nobody knows that you and Hongjoong are together, you force yourself to go over to Wooyoung instead

It’s almost impossible to ignore your boyfriend’s pout though

He’s staring at you from across the room with the saddest look on his face for like 20 minutes of the movie

you can’t even concentrate, you just wanna go back over there so bad

but you don’t want to expose your relationship just yet

Hongjoong will just have to suck it up for tonight

He does not suck it up, however

after another 15 minutes, he stand up really abruptly and marches over to you and Wooyoung

everybody is watching because no one knows what he’s doing all of a sudden

grabs your hand and pulls you back to his seat

cue more complaining from Wooyoung

“Well we’re together, I'm allowed”

everyone just kind of goes into stunned silence

eventually.... “YOU’RE WHAT”

bunch of yelling from everyone while Joong just yanks a blanket up over the both of your heads

you peck him on the lips and eventually the yelling stops and you can come out to finish the movie

Seonghwa:

possessive mf

but he was the one who didn’t want to tell anyone in the first place

So when Yeosang starts flirting with you, all he can really do is be bitter about it

He watches as you laugh along, obviously not getting that one of your boyfriend’s best friends is coming onto you

You and Yeosang had been talking together for about an hour, just catching up on life and stuff

Seonghwa is getting fed up, no lie

He knew Yeosang had a crush, but he always thought he would be too shy to ever make a move

But all of a sudden Seonghwa feels threatened

he manages to catch your eye across the room and you smile and wave

he just frowns, making you pout and excuse yourself from Yeosang

you head over to him and ask him what’s wrong

He just pulls you into a kiss, catching you completely by surprise

as your eyes flutter shut, his stay open and on Yeosang who is watching with his mouth hanging open

He mouths “sorry, hyung”

Seonghwa pulls away, nods at the younger, and smiles at you

“what was that all about?? What if people saw??”

“don't care anymore”

you don't really question his sudden change of heart

all you can think about is finally being able to cuddle with him even when the boys are around lmao

Yunho: 

(who gave him the right to look so professional here like what)

squishyyyyyyyyyyy

is hanging around the studio one day when he overhears what sounds like your laugh

he’s like “they aren’t even here today wth”

so he goes to find the source and comes across Hongjoong FaceTiming you

he is about to rush over to join and say hi to his love but stops when he hears Hongjoong speak again

sounds like a confession... Yunho’s cheeks get all red and his eyes get a little glossy just because he’s overwhelmed

he sticks around to hear what you say

he knows that you love him but, at the same time, there's a part of him that's really insecure and scared

“Aw, Joongie...that’s sweet and all but...” you’re stalling because you can’t decide if you should tell him the truth

Yunho is literally dying as he waits for your answer

“Joong, I’m with Yunho... we didn’t want people to know but I think this is a pretty good reason to tell you. I’m so sorry”

Yunho lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding

lets a tear fall because he was so so nervous poor thing

he backs out of the room so that he doesn’t hear more

he low-key feels bad about even overhearing that much but at the same time he feels more confident in your relationship 

he shoots you a text later telling you how much you mean to him and everything, but he doesn’t bring up Hongjoong

he knows that you will end up telling him anyway but he doesn’t want you to think negatively of him for eavesdropping

just so happy that you chose him

Yeosang: 

so Yeosang is really confident about your relationship and loves you a lot 

but he's shy about letting other people know

but when he notices that Jongho has been making extra efforts to be near you lately, he doesn’t take it lightly

he wouldn’t be nervous if Jongho knew you were in a relationship

but since he doesn’t, Yeosang is worried that he might try and make a move on you

Jongho had talked to a couple of the other guys about his infatuation with you

but he had suspected that Yeosang also had a crush on you so he had held off

but the other guys told Jongho to go for it, since they didn't know the truth either

So as Yeosang is watching Jongho talking to you one day, he notices that Jongho’s fingers keep “accidentally” grazing yours

He’s getting angrier as he watches

but he isn’t angry at you or Jongho, just angry with himself for being to scared to say anything

eventually, he musters up some courage and saunters over to you and Jongho and takes your hand

right in front of Jongho’s salad

And Jongho is immediately like “crap” and walks away

and you’re super confused because what in the world am I missing what just happened

But Yeosang just kinda giggles and asks you if you wanna go get lunch

San:

now San I think is one to actually get pretty jealous

like if he sees someone trying anything with you, he’s gonna be big mad right away

But it is much more difficult to get mad when it’s Seonghwa who is after you

San is definitely afraid of coming off as disrespectful to his elder if he tries to step in and stop anything

highkey hopes that you’ll say something so that he won't have to

One day Seonghwa actually comes to San

to talk about you

he’s just rambling on and on about how cute he thinks you are, totally oblivious to San’s irritated expression

San is fuming

eventually he’s gonna snap and be like “LOOK BRO WE’RE DATING”

and Seonghwa is like O.O

then San is apologizing like a mad man because he really didn’t mean for it to come out like that

he just legit couldn’t listen to someone else talk about his girlfriend anymore it was infuriating

Seonghwa’s like “...it’s cool, I get why you’d be mad”

then he assures him that he won’t try anything now that he knows about you two

But he also scolds San for not telling him sooner lmao

Gives an apology too just to make his lil bro feel a little better

Mingi:

(MY MF BABYYYYYY)

So, Mingi gets insecure, I bet

When other tall boy, Yunho, also proclaims that you are his ideal type during a revealing round of truth or dare

there is a lot of yelling from the guys, as you are literally playing with them and he just SAID THAT?

But Mingi does not think it’s funny

Suddenly Wooyoung leans over and whispers in his ear

“we are gonna try to get y/n to say she wants dare so she will have to kiss Yunho”

Like it’s sweet that they’re planning to be wingmen for their buddy Yunho but Mingi is so SAD

scoots an inch closer to you and shakes his head at Wooyoung

“why are you pouting, just help us lmao”

he shakes his head again, but Wooyoung has already turned his attention back to the game

finally, your turn comes around and all the guys start making up excuses as to why you should take a dare

“Cmon y/n we just had two truths in a row, pleaseee”

“y/n you gotta pick dare or its not fun”

and you’re laughing and about to give in and ask for a dare when you look to Mingi and he’s making big eyes at you

you cock an eyebrow at him and he leans over to tell you what the guys were planning

your eyes go wide and the other guys are like “MINGI YOU TATTLED DIDNT YOU”

so you turn your head and peck Mingi on the lips in front of everyone

chorus of “oh my god” “woah” and other things

“Sorry, Yunho” but he just shrugs like “it’s cool, Id rather you be with one of us than someone random. even if its not me”

Mingi is smiling again and thats all that matters really and he snuggles you for the rest of the game

Wooyoung:

Wooyoung is pretty well-attuned to things that happen around you

always watching you out of the corner of his eye like a stalker

it’s just cuz he loves you tho

so he notices Mingi hitting on you pretty much immediately

honestly finds it kind of amusing for a little bit

but then little things come up in his memory

fans saying that he was too short for you and that you’d be better with someone else

gets down on himself really fast thinking about that kind of stuff

still watching you and Mingi talking

wants to walk over there and hang all over you until Mingi gets the point

so that is exactly what he does

waddles over and slings his arms around your waist

head on your shoulder

kisses your neck and you squeal because MINGI IS RIGHT THERE I MEAN SERIOUSLY WOOYOUNG

and Mingi kind of laughs it off but he’s a little sad bc he liked you ya know

after Mingi goes away you hit Wooyoung softly on the shoulder and tell him to go talk to Mingi and apologize or something

He agrees but he’s like “you have to give me cuddles afterwards”

who could say no to that? couldn't be me

Jongho:

Okay so you and Jongho are coming back from a group dinner and he sat in the front while you crammed in the backseat with WooSan

halfway through the car ride home, you fall asleep and your head flops onto San’s shoulder

he’s immediately giddy about his crush sleeping on him like his dreams are coming true

Jongho’s like “imma break your dreams like my apples bro”

Woo is giggling because San is being so soft for you and stroking your hair and everything 

Jongho just kinda watches in the rearview as San takes pictures and stuff

But Jongho just purses his lips and tries his best not to say anything

the last straw that finally breaks Jongho’s resolve is when he catches San pressing a kiss to the top of your head

“Hyung, please don't kiss them in front of their boyfriend”

San and Wooyoung look at each other like “are you the boyfriend”

they look at the driver “is he the boyfriend?”

and then their two collective brain cells join together and are like “JONGHO IS THE BOYFRIEND”

San is a little sad but his happiness at the maknae finding love is more prevalent

They start squealing and demanding details about your relationship

“when did this start” “why didn't you tell us” “did you tell your parents”

Jongho just smiles to himself as they throw questions at him

then you wake up and slap San on the boob for waking you up and then flick Wooyoung for being noisy too lmao

Jongho smiles at you and when you get back to the dorms, he gives you a smooch right where everyone can see (because he can do that now)

[diamondcamefromhell]

Finding home ~

Jaskier x Reader

[a reupload, as the first time it didnt show up in any tags, for some reason - trying to see if this fixes that x]

This was an amazing request my anon:

“ Can I request a Jaskier x reader where the reader has a massive crush on him and is jealous of all the girls he’s always with and just feels super insecure and like she’ll never be enough and on one day when she is feeling particularly down in the dumps she just breaks down and Jaskier finds her like that? Like start with angst end with fluff type thing? “

Thank you for this. i didnt even know that I needed this a lot. to write it and feel it and what not. i loved writing it. sorry it took so long for me to get to it. i hope you like it nonetheless.

Warnings: drinking (not sure if this should be a warning, but i guess better safe than sorry)

Word count: 2,497 (my longest one yet!)

Requests are open, and all feedback is appreciated!

There are things you never get used to, your crush being surrounded by a herd of women is one of them. When I began having a crush on Jaskier, at first I was sure I could keep it under the wraps, get it out of my head and heart easily. I never wanted to like such a flirt anyways. But life works in funny ways.

The more I liked the bard, the more women seemed to gather around him. His singing was like flowers, and they were bees, looking for them. His honey must’ve been sweet.

I grunt, making my way across the tavern to Jaskier, who’s chatting with some woman. She’s pretty, I cant deny that, but I ignore her, inserting myself in front of the lady. Being this close to the bard does make my heart beat faster than I like, but I ignore it.

“Jaskier.” I say, smiling at him, praying to whoever listens that my blush on the cheeks just seems like alcohol redness.

“Y/N?” He raises his eyebrows, and I notice him glance over my shoulder at the woman behind me. My stomach twists, wondering if he’s comparing her to me.

“Maybe we should head out?” I say, lifting my arm, getting ready to push the bard ever so little. But it stays frozen in mid-air, as Jaskier moves out of the way. I try to hide my annoyance, taking a moment to gather myself, before I look at him again.

“The night is still young, Y/N.” He picks up his lute, smiling at me, and then giving a wink at the woman behind me. My chest tightens.

“Geralt is…” Jaskier scoffs, cutting me off.

“Geralt can wait!” He shouts, picking up a tune.

I stand there, helplessly watching him. I know he’s doing what he does best – entertaining people. Flirting. I wish he didn’t have to do it all the time. The woman he was previously talking to pushes me to the side, giving me a nasty look, before facing Jaskier and going to dance to his ballad.

My blood boils as I feel anger wash over me, but I manage to collect myself. I don’t like losing my cool, especially not for random women. All of us are the same, falling under bard’s beautiful curse. He can’t help but be so lovable. I know there is not an ounce of bad intentions in Jaskier’s heart, and he does not wish to hurt me or anyone else, for that matter.

But this still did make my chest feel uncomfortable and my stomach tie in knots.

I take another cup of ale, staring as two more women become enticed by his music. They twist their bodies in a way that almost seems inappropriate, but it’s a fine line and they thread it well. I cant complain, they are just having fun. Unlike me, brooding here at the bar.

I analyse them, so confident in their bodies, knowing how to handle it, mapping every move perfectly. They find their footing easily, dancing to the rhythm, offering beautiful smiles to the bard. Even their hair, clipped back perfectly, only a few strands curtaining their faces. They were beautiful. You could write so many songs about them.

Unlike me. I could never dance with such ease and whenever I tried to clip my hair, it would all fall on my face, making me look crazy. Having a nice dress was not an option, as we were always on a move. I wish I could at least pretend to be half those women. I chug the last bit of ale, my liquid courage, making my way to the bard yet again.

Jaskier sees me attempt at dancing, giving me a smirk, approaching me. He twists around me, as we seem to dance together, but he soon trails off, to other dancers, leaving a cold spot in my heart. When he finishes his song, before he can get his hands on other, I jump in front of him.

“I don’t want Geralt to be angry.” I whisper, gently tapping his arm. Jaskier sighs.

“It’s not like we are going anywhere tonight, Y/N. And believe it or not,” he winks at me, making my heart flutter. “Witcher is not such a baby, he can fall asleep on his own.”

“I know that.” I try to look for an excuse, something that would drag him out of this tavern, away from these women, who were looking at me, angrily. I feel like I am surrounded by wolves. “I just don’t want him to come here and ruin our night.”

“Then maybe you should go be with him,” one of the women barks at me, as I helplessly grip onto Jaskier’s top tighter. “Instead of ruining everyone’s night.”

“Easy there, ladies.” Jaskier’s tone is still playful, but his eyes grow a little bit cold. “There is enough Jaskier for everyone.”

“We just want to have fun.” She basically droops herself on him, pushing me away. “She has you all the time, we want to dance just for one night.”

I pray Jaskier doesn’t fall for her sweet words, and for a moment, I get hopeful, as he gently nudges her off himself. But then he picks up his lute yet again, playing a tune. Slowly, I am pushed further and further away from the bard, as my heart aches.

Anger boils over me again, as I rush to grab someones cup from the nearest table, heading straight for the girl who pushed me and did the talking. I ‘accidently’ walk into her, spilling the drink all on her dress. She gawks and other women gather around her, squealing like rats. I see Jaskier rush to get something to clean her dress, realizing that he won’t be leaving anytime soon – so I make my leave.

The night is cool - I feel cold bite me. I am not dressed appropriately, as I realize that I left my coat in the tavern. Returning for it would mean having to face those women again. Seeing them twirl around bard, my bard, was too much for my heart too handle. So I just wrap my hands around me, as I realize I am not shaking only because of the cold.

I’m upset. Angry. Sad. I didn’t even know anymore. I was tired of seeing Jaskier be with all those women all the time. He doesn’t even need to try, they sniff him out like prey. He loves attention, he’s sweet and caring, and any person with a brain loves that. I wish I didn’t have to share him with the whole entire world.

Of course, I have to remind myself that he is in fact, not even mine. And by the looks of it, he never will be.

He always seemed to fall for everyone, but me.

Tears burn my eyes, as I pick up my step, fearful some townsfolks may see me. When I am finally in the woods, my heart calms down. I am so glad we didn’t have enough coin to afford a tavern tonight, being in the woods offered an escape and shelter I so desperately needed.

I see campfire and Geralt, still awake, sitting by it. His lips move, and I know he’s talking to Roach again. I make a b line, realizing I don’t want to have to talk to him. Nor do I want him to see the tears, who have so brutally made their escape, streaming down my face.

I head for a river nearby, dropping on my knees, resting my head on a tree. I cover my mouth, making sure that the Witcher can’t hear my silent sobs, I shake uncontrollably. I never knew a simple crush could cause so much heartache, so much pain. I see my reflection in the river.

I take a rock, sending it at it. It splashes all over me, but I don’t care. I don’t even care if I alerted Geralt. I cant begin to care at all. I hate being surrounded by beautiful women, who know all the right things to say. They smell of cinnamon and apples, not of horses like I do. They were everything I could never be, and that was why Jaskier always gazed at them.

And they gazed at him, in return, he would gift them songs. They would gift him with dances and kisses. It was a flawless, perfect exchange that I have seen so many times, yet have never gotten a hang off. I could never perform it, no matter how much I wanted to.

I fully lean on a tree, covering my face, completely silencing my sobs. I trap them inside me, where they should stay. The wind picks up and the breeze is cold, making me shiver even more. I uncover my face, staring at the river, wondering if things could ever change. I don’t like my odds.

I hear a branch break to the right of me, turning around, startled. My fear doesn’t go away, as I see Jaskier, standing there, his hands up in the air, as if he’s surrendering. What is he doing here? I want to wipe my face and pretend I am fine, but instead, I feel my lips shake as more tears come. I look away, shielding my face from him with one hand.

“Y/N.” He says, softly, as I shake my head. I want to tell him to go away, but I am scared of how my voice would sound. “Are you okay?”

“Do I look okay?” I manage to say, as my voice shakes.

“You don’t.” Jaskier answers, making his way towards me. Slowly, however, as if he’s cornering an animal. I wonder, just how bad do I look.

“Then don’t ask stupid questions.” I sniffle, wiping my nose with my sleeve. Not very ladylike. “And leave me alone.”

“I think you could use a friend.” He says, keeling to my level. Friend. Always a friend.

“I could use alone time.” I try to argue, but Jaskier is already sitting down. Our shoulders touch and the warmth he provides makes my tense body relax just a little. His hand lands on my knee, and I want to pull away, but I don’t. At the end of the day, it’s his touch that I crave.

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes, but I don’t look at him. My gaze is fixed on a river. It flows so effortlessly, without struggle, I wish life was this way. “Listen, Y/N, I never wanted to make you upset.”

“You didn’t.” I say, not taking my eyes off the river. I notice big rocks in it, obstructing it’s flow.

“I didn’t want those ladies to upset you, then.” He changes his words, squeezing my knee. My eyes water yet again, but I blink it away.

“They didn’t Jaskier.” My voice breaks halfway through, sounding deeper and rougher after it. “Nobody upset me. I did it to myself.”

“I hate seeing you like this.” I continue staring at the river.

“Then leave.” I say, breaking my own heart. The river doesn’t flow simply, it has things obstructing it’s way too. Nothing in life is simple. I take my eyes off it, glancing at Jaskier. “You don’t have to see me like this.”

“I do.” He doesn’t seem to be fazed by my words, as he gently smiles. “I care about you, Y/N. Truly, I do. And I don’t care how angry or upset you are, I want to see it all. Because I don’t only care about the happy you, I care about all of you.”

“You don’t have to.” I repeat myself, like a parrot. My mind is blank, as I soak his words in.

“Right. I don’t have to, I guess.” He sighs, leaning on my tree too. Our faces are almost touching. I close my eyes. “But I want too, then. I get tired off all those perfect women, with their perfect lives and perfect hair. Believe it or not, perfect is boring.”

“But perfect is perfect.” I argue. I understand what he means, however I still want to be perfect. Perfectly boring. “Nothing can beat that.”

“Spilling a drink on a girl sure beats that.” He giggles, as I feel his body shake. I blush, not opening my eyes. “Being unapologetically and imperfectly yourself beats that too. Once you get the taste of perfect, you realize that fine wine is highly overrated.”

“So you prefer cheap ale?” I tease, as my body relaxes even more. With my eyes closed, I don’t see him, but feeling him, I know he’s here. I know he’s listening. It makes it so much easier to talk, truly open up.

“Yes. I guess I do.” His hand finds mine, squeezing it in a tight embrace. “It’s like coming home, where I don’t have to pretend. I don’t even like wine, yet I drink it. Blending in with the crowd you’re entertaining is what I do it for.”

“Isn’t it in bards blood to stand out?” I open my eyes, not looking at him. I listen to us breathing, as he thinks of an answer.

“You are correct yet again, my darling.” He sighs. “But stand out too much, you become a royal clown. Stand out too little, you fade away. You need a perfect amount of attention and praise.”

“You love attention anyways.” I see him nod, as he smiles.

“Empty attention is empty attention.” He leans forward from the tree, as I see him face me. I don’t turn to do the same. “It only matters when it’s coming from someone who truly cares about you. All of you.”

“How can you tell if it’s genuine or empty?” I turn to him now. His eyes shine, seemingly reflecting the stars in them. I try to look away, but his cosmos has sucked me in.

“You just know.” He leans in, placing his forehead on mine. I close my eyes, as my breath cuts short. “While we all enjoy finer things in life, there is nothing like people who make you feel at home.”

“Like Geralt.” I say, breathlessly. I try to divert the conversation, scared to get my hopes up, just for them to be shattered again.

“Like you, Y/N.” The way my names slides off his lips sends my heart to a race. I feel my face heat up, as tears prick my eyes yet again.

As he realizes I am crying, he pulls me to his chest, gently rubbing my back. Jaskier allows me to feel it out, to cry it out. Not worrying if I ruin his fine outfit or if I smell of Roach.

He doesn’t care about that. He didn’t need someone with a fancy dress or perfect hair. This little bard was more than just someone who was aiming for fine thrills. He was looking for a home, something exciting. Something not perfect.

And I guess somewhere in there, I fit in. Perfectly.

[peacedolantwins]

Pain and Embarrassment pt 3

part of my family series

part 1

part 2

It had been 3 months since Ethan decided to ruin not only your relationship, but also the relationship he had with his kids. You had hardly spoken to him since you went out to California to be with your family. You had only called a few times to let him know that you would be back in time for the kids to start school in the fall.

There was so much he wanted to tell you, apologize for, but each time he tried either he couldnt find the words or you hung up before he got the chance to say anything. He had hardly talked to his kids these past months. Skylar and Connor wanted nothing to do with him. He expected as much from Connor, but Sky not wanting to talk to him hurt more than he thought it would. Everyone was handling this differently and coping the best they could.

The little girl who was his whole world from the moment she was born didnt want to talk to her dad. The one man she thought would never hurt her, the one she thought she could trust with her whole heart and would always be there was the one who just did the most damage. She couldnt understand how Ethan could have done something like this to not only you but to her family. The girl Ethan cheated with was only a few years older than she was and she couldnt help but think about all the times she had been to his office and had conversations with this woman. She felt like she had a part to play in this for not seeing it.

Connor not wanting to talk to him hurt in a different way than the rest. Ethan knew he could try and patch up his relationship with the other kids but it felt like there was nothing left to try and fix with Connor. He was gone all the time overseas, he had limited communication and he only came home once in a blue moon. There was no way he could try and sit down with his son unless Connor allowed it and he severely doubted that was going to happen anytime soon. Ethan knew that you were Connors whole world, you could do no wrong in his eyes and he practically worshiped the ground you walked on and while the other kids would tease him about being a mamas boy, Ethan was proud his son was so protective of you. However, this is when it seems to have backfired on him because as soon as he lost you he should have known he’d lose his son too.

Alex and Riley were understandably upset with him. They spoke to him a few times just to call and check in and let Ethan know they were okay. While they havent forgiven him, they wanted to try and move on. He was their dad, and while that doesnt give him a pass for what he did, they love him.

Noah, always looking up to Connor, followed in his big brothers steps and decided he didnt want to talk to Ethan at all. The only times Ethan managed to get Noah on the phone was when you forced him to because while Ethan hurt you, you werent going to cut him off from his own children as much as you might have wanted to. The few conversations he had with his son were short and to the point. Simple answers, he wouldnt talk about anything and Noah always kept the calls under five minutes, almost as if he had a timer running in the background and the dial tone was the alarm that let Ethan know his time was up.

Elise was the only one who would talk to him. She knew something was wrong, she knew he cheated but she didnt completely understand it and what it meant. She knew you were upset with Ethan but she only saw it as another fight that the two of you had and that you would all be okay once everyone said sorry. She missed her dad. She told you as much and she asked when you would be going back home.

And then there was you. You were trying to figure out what all of this meant for you. The relationship you had with Ethan was ruined, you knew that much for sure. But were you going to go back to New Jersey? Still live with the man who cheated on you in your own house? In your own bed? Part of you wanted to try and fix this, if not for you then for your kids. But was this something that could be fixed? You didnt think this was.

At first you were hurt when you found out. Why would your husband do this? Why would he go out and cheat repeatedly while you were home and suspected nothing? Was it something that you did that drove him to this other woman? Was it because you lost the baby? It was something that you two had argued about before and according to Ethan, the timeline matched up.

But the more you thought about it, while you were still hurt, you were angry now. None of this was your fault. You were not responsible for your cheating husband under any circumstances. He made his own choices freely and that wasnt on you. He was the one who messed up and ruined what you two had. Once you had realized all of this you were finally able to start moving on.

You still wanted answers from Ethan, but the answers wouldnt change anything. Your marriage was over, but hearing his explanation would help give you the closure you needed.  

It was now August and the kids would be starting school in a few weeks so it was time to head back to Jersey. The twins had decided to do online school, not wanting to deal with their classmates and you respected that choice. You felt they were old enough to make that choice for themselves. You had asked Noah if he wanted to do the same but he was very much against it because that meant he would be home more often with Ethan and he would much rather deal with kids at school then spend more time with his cheating father. Lizzy however was excited to go back to school because that meant she got to see her friends again and spend time with her dad who she hasnt seen all summer.

You had already talked to Grayson about picking you up from the airport and taking the kids with him for a few hours. You wanted to be able to talk to Ethan alone first without the kids being there in case things got heated between you two. They didnt need to listen to the possible yelling. And Grayson was more than happy to get to spend some time with his niece and nephew.  He dropped you off with all the luggage back at the house you shared with Ethan and left with the kids.

You took a breath and dragged the bags up the porch and into the house and left them by the stairs. The kids could use unpacking as an excuse not to talk to Ethan if they wanted to. You were debating about where to take your things when Ethan came in from the living room.

“Hey,” he said hesitantly.

“Hi,” you didnt know what else to say.

“I, uh, I moved to one of the guest rooms so you can take our room,” Ethan rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“No, I’ll take one of the rooms.” There was no way you were willingly sleeping in the same bed he had sex with that girl in. He made his bed, now he can lay in it. Literally.

Ethan seemed to have come to the same realization and simply nodded.

“You cut your hair,” he motioned to your hair that was now just above your shoulders.

“Yeah, heard you had a thing for girls with long hair,” you replied and pushed your hair back behind your ear, not seeing him flinch at your words. Your long hair had reminded you of the girl with waist long hair he cheated with and you cut yours as soon as you could.

“Y/n,” you could see the pain in his eyes at your remark. Good. He had no right to be the one who hurt.  

“What?” What was there to say?

“Are we seriously going to start this now?” He has gone from apologetic to now annoyed.

“I’m not starting anything, you did that when you couldn’t keep it in your pants,” you pointed out.

“Y/n, I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry I cheated, it was a mistake.”

“A mistake? Ethan, a mistake is putting a red shirt with the white clothes. A mistake is forgetting to pick up something from the store.  A mistake is something you can forgive. A mistake is an accident. You don’t accidentally have sex with someone over and over again. You did that knowing what the consequences would be and you did it anyway! You don’t get to stand there and tell me this was a mistake!” You were shouting at this point but you didn’t care.

“You know the sad thing is that maybe, just maybe, I could have forgiven the first time. Maybe it would have been something we could fix. But this? This is so broken there’s nothing left to fix.”

“No, no, we can work through this. We can, I don’t know, go to counseling or something, but Y/n please,” he wasn’t going to let this end. He couldn’t.

“I want a divorce.” You said simply and took out the folder of documents that had to be signed.

“Y/n,” he said quietly.

“Please don’t fight me on this. After what you put me through it’s the least you can give me. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. We don’t need to waste money on lawyers. Sign it and we can move on.” You held out the folder to him.

“I’m not going to sign that,” he took a step back from the offending papers.

“Ethan please.”

“No.”

“Why not? Ethan this marriage is over. There’s nothing left here, not after this. You clearly didn’t care about us when you decided to cheat on me so just sign the damn papers!” You shoved the folder to his chest only for it to fall to the ground when he failed to catch it.

“No! Because once I sign this that means we’re done. That means that you’re gone and I’ll have nothing left! I’ll lose you completely and call me selfish but I don’t want that! I want to fix this Y/n, please.” Ethan looked close to tears at this point. He knew he fucked up but he didn’t think you would bring up divorce this soon and he definitely wasn’t expecting you to have the papers with you as soon as you came home.

“Well I don’t! Would you forgive me if I had an affair? If I slept with someone I worked with over and over again? If I went public about it before I told you? If I brought this person into our bed for over a year?”

Silence.

“I didn’t think so. And I wouldn’t expect you to forgive something like that. So please don’t ask the same of me.” You pleaded with him.

“You expect me not to fight for my family? Y/n, you and the kids are my whole world. And I’m so sorry that I fucked it all up. But if you think I’m going to just let you walk out of my life without a fight you’re wrong.”

You let out a deep breath and walked over to the couch closest to you and sat down. Ethan moved to sit across from you, still leaving the folder on the floor. A small part of you wondered if his mistress sat on this same couch that your kids would spend hours on or if he kept her limited to your bed.

“Ethan I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. I’m not gonna change my mind on this so please don’t drag it out longer than it needs to be. I appreciate that you want to fight for this relationship but it’s useless. I’m sorry but I am not going to sit here and let you think there’s a chance of forgetting what happened because there’s not.” Why give him a flicker of hope when there was none?

“So what? You’re just gonna go? Take the kids with you? They’re my kids too.” If Ethan couldn’t fight for you anymore there wasn’t a chance in hell he wasn’t going to fight for his children.

“I never said I was leaving. Or that I was going to take them. Despite all of this, I don’t want to split up this family. The kids don’t deserve that and as their mother it’s my job to take care of them regardless of what happened and how I feel. They come first. Always.” You could be civil with Ethan but things were never going to be the same.

“I would still live here, in another room obviously. Think of it as having a roommate who you just happen to be raising children with.”

“You’ve thought it through havent you?” You could see the defeat starting to take over his features.

“I have.” You nodded. “We’ve all been through enough. We don’t need more change. And if this is something we can’t live with, we cross that bridge when we get to it and figure out what to do then. I don’t want to split up this family if I don’t have to, but Ethan I need you to sign the papers. I can’t let myself be legally bound to you after all of this. I just can’t.”

Ethan seemed to accept this. He didn’t look thrilled about it but he seemed to understand.

“I still want a lawyer to go over it before I sign it,” he said it so quietly you almost didn’t hear him.

“Of course. Thank you,” you were glad he was agreeing to it.

You got up to go into one of the guest rooms that would now be yours when you heard him call your name.

“Y/n?”

“Hm?” You stopped and turned.

“Are we ever going to be okay?” He looked up at you from where he still sat on the couch.

Would you? You hadn’t really thought that far ahead about the situation.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I hope we can eventually, for what it’s worth. But it’s going to take time.”

Ethan simply nodded at your response.

You grabbed your luggage from where you left it at the stairs and dragged it off to your new room. Everything might still be broken but that’s all it is. Broken. It can be fixed over time but the scars and cracks will always be there. Only time will make this whole thing fade away.

@pgm-dolan @dolandolll @dolanshellyes @mysecretsaremydemons @mmmmmgd @ethandolxns @dolantwinsfavss@knee-deep-in-feels @godlydolans @dolanstwintuesday  @sarcasm-at-its-finest2444 @fandomsfeministsandothershit @graydolan12 @ilsolee @inlovewithethandolan @someonedoingnothing @vintagebitttch @sunshinedolantwins @chonisberonica @ardordolan @ethantasy @wasabisama331 @graysavant @atlas-of-a-human-soul @wolfpuppii009 @livexdolan if you wanna be added/want me to stop tagging you just let me know

also pls comment/like/reblog it makes me feel better about myself and gives the validation i desperately crave thank you 

[wolferals]

🌸EX'S AND OH'S🌸

arón piper preference

*

*

Today was your and your boyfriends anniversary! 1 year you've spent with this doofus and he had promised to take you out tonight. Your dates usually consisted of snacks, movies or sometimes dinner at a restaurant. But rarely.

You had just gotten ready and he was about to pick you up.

The beautiful red dress fit you perfectly and your long hair was flowing down your back in some soft curls. Your makeup matched the dress and you had to give yourself some credit. You looked absolutely stunning that night.

About 5 minutes later your boyfriend picked you up.

„Hey y/n." he greeted you without really looking at your appearance. You didn't think anything of it though since he barely does. Yes of course it was shit to have a boyfriend that didnt pay much attention to you but you had gotten used to it over the past months.

„Hey." you smiled and walked over to him to give him a kiss but he just pecked your lips for a second before speaking:"We're running late."

So you walked to his car and he started the engine afterwards. „Do you like my dress? I bought it for tonight." you said smiling at him.

He gave you a quick glance while driving and replied dry:"Yeah looks good."

You could feel the tears building up so you turned away from him and blinked them away, looking out the window.

„Oh by the way, I invited Emma and Arón, u dont mind right?"

Your head shot around. „What?"

Your boyfriend looked at you and said:"I figured it'd be more fun."

You were genuinely shocked. „But its our anniversary." you spoke quietly.

He shrugged his shoulders.

That was his way of telling you that he doesnt really care.

Ouch.

At the restaurant you both sat down at a table for four and you kept swallowing your pride while all you wanted to do was run out of there and cry.

„Man where are they?" your boyfriend suddenly said to you. You had only been there for 2 minutes and he was getting impatient.

„Calm down, they will be here soon." you answered and forced a smile while taking his hand in yours.

But he pulled away instantly.

„Not now. Im stressed."

You couldnt believe him. It was your 1 year anniversary and he just ignored you or treated you like shit.

„Please?" you whispered and looked at his side.

He didnt face you, he just replied:"Stop being clingy y/n."

It hurt. So fucking much.

Sometimes you really doubted if he still loved you, and right now it was proven he had stopped.

But before you could really think about it or actually start to cry, you noticed Emma and Arón walk up to the both of you.

„Hey guys!" Emma smiled and gave you a hug.

„Oh wow your dress is so beautiful!" she complimented you and then went on to greet your boyfriend.

Arón came closer, stared you up and down and then gave you a tight hug. „You look really beautiful y/n."

You smiled at him. And you meant your smile this time.

„Its so nice to see you!" Emma exclaimed and sat down opposite of you.

Your boyfriend kept looking at Emma. While she was telling the story about her last nights dream, your „beloved" boyfriend was biting his lip and you could feel him shifting in his seat.

„Wow Emma, thats so cool!" he suddenly spoke and sent her a bright smile. She had just told how she got her ear pierced last week.

Aron seemed to find it off as well because he gave you a confused look.

„You never said anything about my piercings." you spoke and looked at him.

His head turned to look at you and he replied:"Yeah but look at hers. Its fucking cool."

-„I have the exact same piercing on my left ear."

He shrugged his shoulders.

„Guys cálmese. Its fine." Emma laughed and intertwined her and Arón's fingers on the table.

You guys then ordered your food and drinks. „Can we share the calamari baby?" Emma asked Arón.

He looked at her in disgust and replied:"I hate them you know that."

But thank god your wonderful partner was there to speak up:"Ill share them with you if you want."

You rolled your eyes at him. But the only person who noticed was Arón and he sent you a sad smile.

„Yeah sure if thats okay with y/n." Emma explained.

Before you could say anything your boyfriend said:"Its my choice though, its none of her business."

You looked to your left to pretend like he wasnt there. To pretend like he didnt just say that.

Suddenly you noticed your phone's screen light up from your lap. The other didnt seem to have noticed.

You took your phone and read the message.

„Are you okay?" -Arón.

You looked up and nodded at him.

But he didnt seem to buy it.

„If you want to talk im here."

You smiled at him and tried to focus on your dinner and the fact that your best friend was here and that her boyfriend was being nice to you. Instead of your own.

The one who kept complimenting Emma and didnt care about you at all. You werent there for him.

When the waitress brought your dinner you actually forgot about his terrible behavior for once. You started eating your delicious pasta and listened to the others talking.

At some point it was mostly Emma and your boyfriend having a nice conversation while Arón and you just sat there feeling super left out.

You could see how annoyed he was from his looks only.

He kept giving you these glances as you continued eating your pasta, sometimes he raised his eyebrow making you laugh slightly.

The others didnt notice how you two were communicating with your eyes.

You took a sip of your water and saw how Arón was grinning at you. You smiled back and then took your phone to distract yourself from his looks.

If you were completely honest, you hadnt gotten any affection in a while and just a cute guy looking at you made you feel better. Yes, he was taken. Yes, so were you. But he was attractive it was obvious.

Emma laughed at almost every of your boyfriend‘s jokes and you knew she didnt do this because he was funny, because he really wasnt.

Arón rolled his eyes at her and then gave you one more look.

And if you werent totally insane, picturing things, he scanned your upper body and bit his lip slightly.

You just ignored it but if you were being honest, it was kind of hot.

You then listened to Emma talk and subconsciously took another bite of your pasta and kept the spoon in your mouth. Without realizing you were licking on the spoon in your mouth and focused on her story.

You then did realize what was going on when a foot touched your own softly.

It had to be Arón. He was also giving you this horny ass look again.

Yes, he did kind of turn you on but you were both in a relationship. But your boyfriend was an asshole who didnt care about you anymore.

So you decided to play Aróns little game. You slipped out of your heel and slowly made your way up his leg. You didnt plan on going too far but you wanted to play with him a little bit.

He grinned at you and supported his head with his hand on the table while looking around.

He then coughed when your toes hit his knee.

Apparently this boy was sensitive.

You smiled to yourself and lowered your foot again.

Arón took a deep breath and grinned at you.

„Whats so funny?“ Emma suddenly spoke and looked between the both of you.

„Uhm.“ you started but Arón interrupted you.

„This guy over there embarrassed himself a little bit.“

They both looked around and then nodded.

„Anyway about this girl..“ Emma continued and your boyfriend only focused on her again.

Arón then excused himself to go outside to smoke and you decided to breathe some fresh air so you both walked outside.

„Jesus.“ he cursed and sat down on the stairs in front of the restaurant.

„Yeah right. They‘re so focused on themselves.“ you shook your head and sat down next to him.

He lit his cigarette and let the smoke emit into the air.

„I know... But now we can talk alone you know?“ he laughed and gave you a quick look.

„You want?“ he suddenly spoke and wanted to hand you his cigarette but you only shook your head.

„You know, thats good. I wish i could get away from it.“ he looked down to the ground and then back at you.

„Maybe you really have to start.“

He nodded and took a puff.

„Yeah i know.“

You smiled at him, then took the cigarette from his fingers and threw it to the ground to put it out.

„Hey!“ he laughed and stared down at the smushed piece of cigarette.

„You said you wanted to stop. You‘re gonna stop right now.“ you cockily said and ran your fingers through your hair.

Arón looked you deep in the eyes and then replied:“Alright, thank you. I dont know how I’d survive without you.“

You both started laughing.

„You‘re very welcome.“ you slightly bit your lip and looked up into the warm starry night.

„Maybe its good they‘re getting along so well. That way we can be alone.“

You didnt know what to say.

But you agreed internally.

„Yeah.“

He smiled and then placed his hand on your thigh.

It was covered by your dress so you didnt mind at all.

„Y/n, ever thought about how nice it is to fuck under the stars?“

You bursted into laughter and he smiled as well.

„No i havent.“

Arón grinned and eventually spoke up:“Too bad, id show you if your asshole boyfriend wasnt checking out my girlfriend all the time. But since she apparently feels the same, why dont we get out of here?“

You couldnt really reply to that.

„You know, maybe one day when all this shit is over.“

He nodded.

„One day hm? Promise?“ arón smiled softly.

You nodded at him and spoke:“Yeah one day.“

🌹🖤

part 2

[kilibaggins]

In This Together

Request: "I would like to request a Murphy/Emori with Spacekru while on the ring. Murphy has PTSD from Ontari's rape and he's depressed and cutting. Maybe do something where he tries to kill himself but Emori finds him and with support from his kru he gets better." - @warrier-queann

I’M REALLY NERVOUS I HOPE THIS IS GOOD lol

A/N- Thank you for being my first Request! I hope I write this properly! I hope it's not too OOC.

P.s- This is Canon-Divergent. He still splits from the team, but ge ends up going back with them in this, while that didnt happen in the show (at least on the Ring.)

Warning: Past Rape, PTSD, Self Harm which is pretty describd, Depression, Suicide Attempt, mentions Hanging, drinking, mentions of Floating(aka dying in space but you know that since you've watched the show lol).

Word Count: 2,298.. wow I got a little carried away lol.

Murphy isn't happy. That's no surprise to Anyone who understands the situation. He hasn't been happy for a long time. Heck, anyone who thinks that he's actually happy needs to get their people skills checked. He has so many trauma's under his belt that he could make almost anyone cringe at them. Which, some people in the past have. Emori used to be very open to listening to him, now she barley wants to look at him.

Murphy is laying on the cold, hard ground on his side of the ship, if he turns his head to the right he can see the Words "MURPHY'S SIDE, GO FLOAT YOURSELF" in big red letters, made in red paint that he made look like blood on purpose. He's not crazy. He knows hes not, no matter what the other think about him, and no matter what they whisper to each other when they pass his side. He's protecting himself. Protecting himself from the pain that they could cause him. He doesn't trust anyone, and the last person he trusted left him the moment he gave up on life.

He looks to his left and sees Earth. He scoffs as he thinks of how much he would rather be there than here. The place so many bad things happened to him on, is the same place he wishes he could be. He shakes his head and swallows the lump in his throat that always appears when he's thinking of the past.

He sits up and pushes his hair out of his face. He has let it grow since they've been here. It gets in his face all the time, but honestly he stopped caring a while ago. He grabs the bottle of alcohol he has by his little sleeping area and takes a big swig. It burns going down and he's honestly thankful for it. Otherwise he would actually believe he feels nothing other than emotional turmoil. He chuckles and grabs his knife staring at it with pain in his eyes.

He flicks it across the top of his hand lightly, watching as blood slowly makes its way out of the wound. He doesn't remember exactly when he started doing this, or when it became an actual problem, but he does know that it's been going on for a while. He can remember doing it while he was Stuck with Ontari. He remembers her touching the scars and fresh marks as if she cared, trying to coax him to do what she wanted without forcing it. It always felt wrong. He never wanted her touch, let alone having her touch the scars that show his pain.

Murphy knows he shouldn't think about her. He knows this is what happens every single time he does and nos he's spiraling again. Remembering her touch on his skin as he tried to play along with what she wanted. He remembers the fear that was forced into him as he laid there having to take what she gave him. He tried to think of Emori, but it never worked. He always knew it was Ontari.

Murphy tips his head back and gulps down a few drinks of Alcohol, throwing the bottle afterward in some direction he doesn't know exactly where honestly. He takes the knife, pulls up his Pant leg and cuts his Leg. The blood runs down it but he honestly doesn't care. He just lets it run onto his shoes, onto the floor. He chuckles darkly watching it flow. He closes his eyes just to feel a tear trail down his cheek. He makes a few more cuts on his leg watching as the blood falls together down on the ground.

He gets up, not Caring about the pulling of the wounds on his leg. He knows the others are down the hall. He could go to them, get the help he needs. But he won't. He won't risk being worthless to them again. He's just a waste of oxygen in his eyes. He doesn't help, that was the main reason Emori left him in the first place. He finds himself down the hallway closer to them than he has been in Months. But he knows hes not here for them. He turns to the side finally comprehending where he is. The Airlock. He pushes the red button opening it up and he hears the alarm start blaring, he forces his leg to work enough to walk through the door. He closes the door behind him. He hears yells outside because the comms are on.

"Where's Murphy?" He hears Raven yell. He scoffs and kicks the door. Its great that they care now where he is, it's honestly a little late for that. He's always wondered what being floated felt like. What his father went through for him. His personal theory is that it burns. The cold is so much that it just burns. But he never could find out. Now he can.

"John?" He hears Emori yell from outside. They'll be at the door soon. He can do it before they get there, before she gets there. He can't see them be happy over his death, it'll hurt him even more than ever. He turns to the red button and stares at it. His hand inches towards it and right before he pushes it he hears Emori screaming his name.

"John! Stop! What the hell are you doing?" She screams coming up to the door Banging on it harshly. He looks up at her, seeing she's as beautiful as she always was before. He looks down at the button then at her again.

"Doing what I have to." He says, his voice breaking as he does so. She shakes her head and he runs his hands through his hair turning away from the button.

"You don't NEED me! I'm a waste of space and you know it. I'm worthless! Let me go! You dont love me anymore anyways and I'm tired of this! I'm tired of the pain! I'm tired of feeling her hands on my skin every time i try to think of good things. Every time I think if you I think about her. I think about how I got hung, the torture. All of it. Because my brain with let me be happy! The thoughts won't just go away!" He screams, the tears he's been trying to hold back stream down his face. Emori looks at him in sadness and fear. He hears Heavy footsteps running down the hall towards them and he shakes his head. He grabs his hair and pulls, he realizes it grounds him slightly.

"John. Listen to me," She says lifting her Badass hand to the window in the door to the airlock. Murphy shakes his head looking down, his breath coming in quick bursts, "John! I'm NOT asking, and I'm definitely not joking around. Listen to me right now."

Murphy looks up to her and walks a bit closer to the glass between them. He lifts his hand and places it in the same spot Emori's is.

"Are you listening?" She waits for him to nod before she continues, "You aren't worthless, John. You never will be. You're just going through a rough spot right now, believe me it'll get better okay? Yes, I know you don't believe in all that fairy-tale bullshit, but I don't care. You're strong. You can fight this." She says Looking into his eyes.

"The memories won't go away." He says Looking at her with hope in his eyes. He reaches up to his throat and softly runs his fingers over it. He can Basically feel the rope around his neck. "I don't know what else to do."

"You fight, John. That's what you do. The memories might never go away but they'll get easier to deal with as time goes on. I'm not saying it'll be easy, because hell, I still have bad memories that plague my mind from a long time ago. But just because it's hard, that doesn't mean we should stop being strong.

"You are the strongest man I have ever met, John. You have been through so much, and you're still living with it, but this isn't the way to get through it. You need to fight it." She says breathing deeply, a determination set on her beautiful face.

"Will she ever go away...?" He asks softly deflating against the door. Emori's heart breaks seeing him like this. Seeing him completely broken. She regrets leaving him during this.

"Honestly? I'm not sure. Probably not. At least not right away. But it'll get EASIER. It'll never be perfect but it can get better. Let us help you. When you feel like she's here come to us and we can show you she's not. When you feel her touch and you need us to not touch you, tell us. Let us help you." She says staring at the red button. She hears Raven and Bellamy talking right out of sight, hoping that she could call for them in time if anything happens.

Murphy looks at her deeply and takes a few steps away from the door. The button is right next to him, right under his now outstretched fingertips. He hears Emori gasp and looks at her.

"John, please. We can work through this. All of us. I'm sorry I left you during this. I thought it was just you not Caring about anyone else, but I won't leave again." Emori says starting to tear up.

"Murphy? Hey, man." Bellamy says walking into the hallway where this is happening. "I'm here alright? You're not worthless. And I'm here, and so is everyone else, and we'll make sure you see that."

"Am... Am I broken?" Murphy asks his eyes tearing up again, he walks forward and leans his forehead against the glass. Emori shakes her head immediately and so does Bellamy who's trying to stay farther away than her.

"No, John. John, you're not Broken. You've just been through so much. You'll be alright." Emori says trying to smile in a way she hopes is assuring. She doesn't really know how to feel. She knew about Murphy's self harm issues but she never thought it would spiral all the way to him breaking like this.

"This-" Murphy sighs heavily and his eyes tear up. "This is going to change everything." Murphy finished his sentence and hits his hand against the glass. He pushes the "Open" button of the door separating him from Emori. He takes a few steps and Basically falls into her. Emori holds him close, not wanting to let go of the Man she almost lost. He falls to the ground and so does she, holding him the whole way there.

"It'll be alright, My Cute Thief." Emori says sweetly into his hair as he cries into her neck. She holds him close and Bellamy leans into the wall behind him relieved that Emori could stop him in time. Emori gets up dragging Murphy up with her.

"Let's get you some water alright?" She whispers to him. Murphy nods and clings onto Emori's shirt, following as she walks forward into the main area, where they can grab Murphy some water. Monty And Harper are sitting at a table close by looking on with concern in their eyes. Emori just nods slightly at them and grabs a cup. Murphy doesn't move from where Emori left him when she went to get water. He looks down to his feet and He hears Monty get up from his spot at the table.

"Hey, Man. How you doing?" Monty asks slowly Rising his hand up. Murphy sees it coming and nods slightly at it. Monty puts his hand on hsi shoulder and squeezes. "We're here for you man. You're not alone. I lost Jasper this way and... I'm not letting something like that happen again."

Murphy swallows the lump that formed in his throat and a sob comes out of his mouth, tears still falling. He leans into Monty then, causing Monty to gasp and hug him back. Emori comes back up to them and smiles sadly at the two men. Harper walks up and puts his hand on Murphy's shoulder, to show her support.

"We're here." Harper says softly.

"We're all in this together, man. We just have to stay strong and survive this. It's what Clarke would have wanted." Bellamy says from a few feet away, not Wanting to interrupt too much. He remembers the night he hung Murphy. In explicit detail. Every movement Murphy made, everything. It's hurts to think he made that mistake, which causes Murphy so much pain. Murphy just nods and steps away from Monty.

"Heh, sorry there man. Shirts a little wet." Murphy chuckles out wiping at Monty's shoulder. Monty just shakes his head and pats The other Man's Hand. Echo is sitting at the far end of the table and her and Murphy make eye contact. They nod st each other, in some sort of Unspoken conversation.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up and to sleep, we'll get your stuff from the side in the morning." Emori says leaning up and kissing Murphy softly on the Cheek. Murphy smiles and buries hid face in the beautiful women in front of him.

While Emori drags him to their old room, from when before she ended things before, Murphy thinks. He thinks about what the future may hold and the pain he will have to experience. He knows it won't go away, but he also knows he has Emori to help. He has Bellamy, Monty and Harper... And even Echo. He has them. He can get help, and even though the pain worn go away completely, they'll help him live with it.

[stanbillyhargrove]

Ghosts Chp 7

Billy x Katrina

A/N: this is a multi chapter series that will contain smut, angst, fluff, substance abuse

MENTIONS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

November

Katrina's POV

A blizzard. A fucking blizzard that has barricaded everyone inside their homes, that's what I woke up to. A complete white out, not expected to let up for a day or two.

Olivia twirled around the kitchen, humming her haunting tune while I got a pot of water boiling. Grabbed a bag of tea from the cupboard and tossed it in a mug while I waited. It didn't take long for the kettle to click off, steam pouring from the spout.

Elle's hands slid over my hips as I poured the water, "what kind?" She whispered.

"Strawberry hibiscus."

She hummed, "my favorite."

I stirred a spoonful of honey in before retreating to the couch and cozying up in blankets.

I flicked on the TV and started scrolling through my Netflix, "what should we watch?"

Ally appeared beside me, grinning, "horror marathon?"

"Is that the only thing you like?"

A smile stretched across her face, "pretty much."

I smirked at the younger girl, scrolling through the options until Ally told me to stop and settled in to sip my tea and watch Pet Semetary.

Part way through the movie, Ally looked at me and whispered, "someone's coming."

Moments later there was a knock on my door. I cocked an eyebrow at Ally, who shrugged her slim shoulders and turned back to the movie, and got up to answer the door.

Billy was at the door, rumpled like he had just rolled out of bed, and holding a sleepy Pudge in his arms, "snow day," he mumbled.

"I heard, do you think Pudge made it happen?"

He smirked, squeezing the kitten a little, "can you really blame him? He likes when I have the day off."

I giggled, "so you came to join my horror movie day?"

"Are you making french toast?" He asked, padding into my apartment.

I laughed and closed the door, "yeah, we can make french toast."

--

A few hours later we were leaning against each other on the couch, sharing a fuzzy blanket and absently making our way through the Scream series. Pudge was sleeping in my lap, curled into a tiny black ball.

"Wanna play something?" Billy asked, looking at me with a playful smile.

"Like what?"

His arm shifted, falling down around my shoulder, "I have a bottle of vodka in my fridge, we could get drunk and play twenty questions. Learn more about each other?"

I laughed, "like the kids game?"

"You got something better to do?"

--

Half the bottle of vodka later, we were lounging on Billy's couch giggling and being silly until Billy broke out a hard hitting question.

"So, tell me about your family."

I tensed, took a long swig from the bottle, "what about them?"

"Well I've known you for almost a year and you've never mentioned your family. Do you have any siblings? What are your parents like?"

I looked down to pick at my fingernails, "I don't have any family."

"None?"

"Nope."

He studied me for a moment, "why?"

I huffed, "only child...and my parents never cared much about me until they disowned me."

Billy's face fell a little, all the fun from before gone, "why?"

"Cause I like girls. When I brought my ex home after graduation they tossed me out, haven't seen or talked to them since."

He laid a hand gently on my knee, "assholes."

I let out a watery laugh, "yeah, they are."

"And what happened with your ex?"

"I'm pretty sure it's my turn to ask questions actually."

"Right, go ahead."

Well, if learning about each other means tough questions, I can ask them too.

"What about your family? Are they in Indiana or California?"

His mouth tightened, "Max and Steve are here."

"Parents?"

Billy's jaw tensed a couple times, "dead."

I felt the heart break and confusion, saw their graves. Both of them, gone, leaving a young boy and his sister alone against the world.

"I'm sorry...what were they like?"

"Mom...well, my mom was sick. I remember good days where we would dance and play in the garden...but she got hurt and started to..change? I guess is the right word. She just wasn't herself all the time, she had headaches all the time, started staying in bed a lot. Didn't remember things anymore."

A shot, a flash of light and a heavy thud. My heart was racing in my chest, trying to jackhammer it's way through my ribcage.

He continued after a breath, "she died when I was six. I was supposed to be at a friends but I came home sick and found her."

A pool of blood, confusion, a boy screaming for his mom. I pulled my knee away from his hand, pretending like I was just shifting for comfort. Billy pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head.

"Sorry, that was probably oversharing."

I gulped, "no, it's...that's horrible, I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago," he murmured, "I try to just remember her good days."

"What about your dad?"

Billy grabbed the bottle from me and took a swig, "he was a miserable fucking drunk. Liked to slap people around. Died in a car accident, driving drunk, only downside to that was he took Max's mom with him."

"Which left you to become her guardian."

"That was a couple years after, had to wait until I was legal. I lived with Steve and Max lived with the police chief, his daughter is Max's best friend."

I nodded, a small smile on my lips, "I still think that's really sweet of you, to take care of her like that."

A light blush rose on his cheeks, "thanks."

I smiled at him, "what was your mom like before she got hurt? Tell me more about her."

Billy hummed, a wistful smile on his face, "she loved to garden, she would have turned our entire yard into one giant garden if she could have. Her favorite were sunflowers, she had a whole patch of them that we'd hide in. She was always humming, dancing, singing, just always happy...when it was the two of us anyway. She was amazing...I have a picture, hold on," he said, hurrying to his room.

He came back a moment later, carrying a picture frame and sat back down beside me.

"That's her," he murmured, passing me the frame.

In the picture was a young Billy, short curly hair dripping water and a bright smile on his face. He was much smaller than the muscular man I knew now. The sun behind him was starting to set, casting a yellow glow over the beach. Beside him was a woman in a flowy white dress that was blowing with a gentle breeze. Her blonde hair was pulled over her shoulder in a thick braid, a few curls having blown loose. She was crouching down to hug Billy, a brilliant smile on her face. She looked bright, happy, like she was so full of love and pride for her little boy.

Wait. Is that...no. It can't be.

"Olivia?"

Billy looked at me, confused, "yeah...how did you know that?"

My heart started racing as I put the picture down and stood up.

"I...I need to..I have to go," I stammered.

"What? Why? Did you know her?"

I shook my head as I hurried out the door, stuttering nonsense as I went. I left Billy alone and confused to lock myself in my apartment where I hurried to throw clothes and a jacket on before running to the roof of our building.

I paced around the roof, trudging through the snow for a while before I called, "Olivia?"

I had to call her a few times before she appeared, "yes, my girl?"

Yeah, that was Olivia in the picture. The woman that I'd grown up with, who had been a better mother to me than my own mother.

"Olivia...you're...dead? How? I don't understand."

"My sweet girl," she cooed, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear, "don't be silly, I'm not dead."

"No...you are. He told me you died...showed me your picture. You died, a long time ago."

"I..I'm not, I don't.."

She looked lost, like she didn't know what I was talking about. I watched her shaky hand come up to feel the back of her head. Her breath hitched with a shocked sob as she felt around and tears started to fall down her cheeks.

She shook her head, "I...I remember.."

I chewed at my lip, feeling like my world had been turned upside down as I waited for her.

"I remember...shouting...and then falling..then I remember being in the hospital and he said I slipped..." Olivia swallowed thickly, her voice cracking, "he said I slipped but..I didn't, I didnt slip. He hit me."

My heart ached for her and tears started pooling in my eyes as she kept going. She started to get clearer as she spoke, less wispy. She grabbed my hand to share her memories with me as she spoke.

"Neil was so charming when we met, chiseled face and slicked back hair...a devilish smile, stormy blue eyes, a dimple on one cheek...he was gorgeous. I was working at a little diner at the time, he came in with some other new recruits. They were being deployed a couple weeks later so they were hitting up the town before leaving. Well, as soon as we locked eyes...I was under his spell. We were inseparable, fell hard and fast in love until he left...he looked so handsome in his uniform," she sighed, "we wrote each other all the time while he was gone. He could never tell me where he was but he'd say he was always thinking of me. That the thought of coming home and never letting me out of his sight again was the only thing keeping him going. Soon after, I realized I was pregnant and the both of us were overjoyed, he couldn't wait to have a family. But then Neil stopped writing just before I gave birth...I thought maybe he changed his mind..or had been killed. I thought I was going to be a single mother at nineteen, but I got another letter a couple weeks before he came home. It just said 'I'm on my way' and then he was home, my baby was a few months old by then. He looked so much like me, soft cheeks and blonde curls...had Neil's eyes though."

I saw him, a chubby cheeked baby boy with fuzzy blonde curls and sharp blue eyes, bubbling happily against my chest.

"When Neil came home he, he was different...he was so...distant, cold, angry. . He wouldn't tell me why he was dismissed from duty. Turned away when I tried to kiss him, yelled at me over little things, yelled at our baby when he cried. Started drinking a lot and he, he started hitting me...but after he got angry, he'd leave the house and come back hours later all sad and contrite. Shed a few tears, say he loved me, flash that smile and shower me with gifts...flowers and candy, jewelry..or he'd bring home dinner and say I deserve a relaxing night. I stayed for that Neil, I loved him...when he was kind. And for our baby, he needed a father and I tried to keep myself happy for him, to shower him in love but Neil started getting more violent as the years went on, leaving black eyes and split lips. I had to make up stories when I went to town. He tried to go for my boy once and I tried to stop him...he hit me and my head cracked on the counter and then...when I got home, I didn't want to go outside anymore. I was just a shell of myself most days, I couldn't do anything, everything hurt. I got splitting headaches," Olivia looked at me, her eyes glistening as she held her head, "it hurt so bad, it felt like my head was going to pop from the pressure."

Both of us were weeping now, rivers of tears pouring down our faces.

She gasped, "my baby...my little boy, I left him there...I just, I couldn't take it anymore...I couldn't find another way out."

"Olivia.."

"I found his gun...and I...the pressure stopped, there was no more pain and I found you, my girl. But my boy, my sweet boy..I left him behind...I didn't want to..I just, I didn't think."

Oh god...Billy's memories...

"Olivia, your son..."

"I waited until he was at a friend's. Made sure the house was empty..."

I shook my head and sniffled, "no, Olivia..he was there, he found you."

She looked horrified as she wept, "oh, my baby. How could I do that? My poor boy...he must hate me."

I wiped the tears from my cheeks, "he loves you, even still. He grew up beautiful, Olivia, and he thinks of you all the time."

"How do you-"

Billy burst onto the roof, clutching his leather jacket tight to his chest to see me shivering in the snow and talking to the air.

"Katrina? What the fuck? You're gunna freeze out here!"

Olivia stared at him, her eyes glistening.

"My boy..."

"I see her."

@charmed-asylum @champagnesugamama