#tearing yourself up and making a terrible example for the future

[naiokiara]

You know what "I want to protect the children" really means much of the time?

"I want to control the future."

Guess what, moms and dads? Nonparent peers of the parents of these children you're "protecting"? You're gonna die. Yeah, we all are, but the way it's supposed to go? Is you die before your kids.

Your kids are the future, and you are the past. The past is yours. The future is theirs.

Your job is to prepare them to face the future - which, I know, doesn't exist yet - but it will. And who will be there? You? No. Your kids.

Those children.

So how about you let them face it and sniff it out and feel it and shake it around and figure out what they need to do to succeed in it, and then maybe have their own damn kids so they can do the same damn thing?

How about you quit acting like you, and your past, are universal, ubiquitous, and timeproof? Because they're not. You're not timeproof, are you? You're gonna die, right? You're going to leave the physical world, at least, aren't you? Have no more say in what happens to it? For the intents and purposes of those still on earth, you're going to be gone.

And so are your intents and purposes, your values, and your needs.

In fact, you are dying right now. Your ideas are dying. I mean, they have to! Time marches on, into a future that doesn't exist yet. So how can you be so sure that your ideas, from your past, even belong there? Guess what - you SHOULDN'T be so sure! So stop acting like you are, and give the future up. Give up on controlling it. It's not yours.

You're supposed to help make sure your kids have a world, physically and socially, in which they can experience the future. So stop treating it like it's the one you'll be experiencing for yourself, because you already had your turn; it's your kids' world now but you're trying to hold it still like you don't know how that works. Society needs to move into the future. Your kids need to practice seeing, evaluating, choosing. You're strangling them. You're strangling your children. You're supposed to teach them how to acknowledge the past, learn from it, observe the present, study it, evaluate their needs, and respond. This is how we move into the future. But you want to keep things as close to the way they were as you can, undoing hard-won progress and turning the clock backward, and you want to cover your children's eyes so they won't find you out. So they can't look at history and see how very much your ideals for the present and the future are the same as the past. You don't want them to see you trying to strangle the world, keeping it for yourself. If what you are doing is right, why are you hiding it?

If it's protection for you, why are you hiding behind the children?

"I don't hate them. I'm just trying to protect children." is nothing new. It has been used throughout history as a justification for tyrannical drug laws, for racism, and for other types of violence.

And that's why they want to ban history.

They want everyone to think that this time is different and that they're actually motivated by a genuine desire to protect children.

[yolli-es]

Please, I'm really sorry

Tags: NO spoilers for season 2, sadness, rude treatment, mentions of death

I doubt this is in character, so treat it as a silly sketch. Writing text is harder than headcanons..

MY ENGLISH IS BAD AND THERE MAY BE MEANING ERRORS

You adore Jinx; you love and tolerate her. Your acquaintance was unexpected, and your subsequent friendship was spontaneous. You were choking with tears after losing your mother when she found you. This girl saved you so easily, as if it were so easy. Jinx never told you about the past, but when the voices in her head became too loud, you didn't need an explanation. You saw how bad she becomes and what consequences it can bring. Afterwards, you promise yourself to always be there so that you can prevent the irreparable. This was not always successful.

After Silco died, things got really bad. Jinx tried to continue his work, to be strong and collected. But this is Jinx. Your Jinx. And she never was and never will be like this. Maybe that's why she's been so rude to you, taking it out on you because she's under so much stress. Sooner or later it will all end, and she will be able to look at you again without irritation.

You forgive Jinx for everything: the harsh words, the insults, the hits. Because she always apologizes after. And you don't care that it's not sincere at all. You love her; she is the only thing you have.

The day started out quite normally. You and Jinx were sitting in Silko's office, which is still called that way to this day, on the initiative of Jinx herself. It was all quite nice: she decided to share with you many thoughts about the future, which happened quite rarely. But then Sevika came in. And with her came terrible news. Shimmer production had been disrupted again. The enforcers blew up the plant, dealing with the guards there without any particular problems. And she just walked out after saying that. Just one look from Jinx made it clear how bad she was feeling right now,

"It's not your fault, and..." — you're interrupted by a rude "shut up." Jinx, who had been sitting on the table quite relaxed, now clutched her head, her eyes closed, and her breathing quickened. Just a few moments ago she was vulnerable, and now she's rude to you again. "You don't understand me at all," Jinx said in a breaking voice, hiding her face in her knees. It was painful to hear. We have been through a lot together. But she's worse off, and you step over yourself again: "I love you, Jinx. What do you want me to do?". You tell her this so often, so sincerely and naively. Her reaction to your words is always different; you can never guess, and now she again hits you: "I want you to stop being so useless and just help me." Jinx whispered, still struggling with her emotions. She hadn't let herself get angry, panicked, or sad that easily since Silco died. No tears. She kept herself under control. And is that what she thought all along? It's your fault; you're just doing a shitty job. Obviously, sitting here with her is not what she wanted. It looks so painful for you. The girl you love is suffering so much; why don't you just make it easier? That day you stayed, having endured many insults and a couple of blows.

Usually you stayed by Jinx's side, always supporting her and helping her with many tasks. For example, maintaining her authority in the city, keeping an eye out for possible rats nearby, and always saving your love from nervous breakdowns. But now you're by Sevika's side, at a shimmer production plant. You didn't tell Jinx anything; you didn't even think she would ask and worry. You need to act more decisively, as she wanted it. The task was simple: wait until the enforcers come here and destroy them. You were never a good fighter, just a decent shot. Your skills were enough to protect yourself on the streets of Zaun, but they were nothing against well-trained law enforcement officers. That's why you stayed on the sidelines, watching from above and covering Sevika.

You realized how much you screwed up with this shit when you found yourself in the middle of a shootout. Things didn't go according to plan when Sevika was shot, and now you had to save her. Letting the woman lean on you, you ran upstairs. The sounds of gunshots, explosions, and screams confirmed your fears: this plant is finished. Neither the shimmer nor the people were saved. Adrenaline was pumping through you, and you didn't notice anything except the cherished goal.

You reached a safe place and fell. The rest was like a dream. Sevika sat next to you, trying to close the open wound. She tied it with a rag, shouting something about the presence of shimmer nearby. The wound seems to be on your legs, chest, and head. It was painful and cold. Severe weakness. How the hell did enforcers get you? You couldn't think, let alone remember. This woman was shaking you, trying to make you think, but you had already given up. You had lost, and you had screwed up so badly, Jinx would never forgive you. Sevika shouted something, and you didn't really listen; you just couldn't. And then your gaze focused on a blue spot... Jinx? You wanted to look at her one last time. She may be disappointed in you, angry, or simply empty towards you, but all this will not matter as long as she is here. Your eyes closed for just a moment.

" ...orr..."—You can't see, only distantly hear. Such a nice sound; you've heard it before. The noise makes you open your eyes again. A flash of light disorientated you. Straining your eyes, you managed to make out a silhouette in front of you. It was Jinx, and... she was crying. She was in complete disarray, desperately holding your face. She bit her lips every time she wanted to swallow the lump in her throat and continue talking. She was talking to you. What was she saying? Your damn body is so weak. "Hold on, just breathe. Please, I'm really sorry. I love you, I love you, I love you...",-She repeated it over and over while you felt the shimmer being injected into your body. You wanted to calm her down, to say "I love you" back. And all you did was watch silently. Your eyelids were so heavy, and your body suddenly seemed too weightless. You were being yelled at, shaken, and pricked with a shimmer stabbed over and over. And you were too weak to respond to it, closing your eyes one last time.

Jinx sincerely apologizes this time. It's a pity that your mind was too weak to realize this.

it was short, unclear and stupid 🥴 Wrote this in a hurry while I'm taking a break from studying and writing other things.

[emmyrosee]

okay so, this evening has not been fun for me, so ofc I’m gonna try coping via escapism 🤩

and as always you are absolutely NOT obligated to write it. I’m so serious, if you don’t want to there’s absolutely zero pressure emmy, I’d completely understand one hundred percent.

very long story short, I got my grades back for this semester and despite doing soooo much better overall this year than my first year and not failing a single class this time around, unless I get a miracle it’s looking like I’m going to have to be asked to withdraw from my university for a whole year ☹️

and as someone who got straight As from elementary til my last year of high school/made school my whole life, this is just an enormous blow to any self confidence I had finally built back up. I was doing better mentally and finally feeling a bit like myself again and I’ve just felt so sick with anxiety all evening because I don’t even know what to do anymore. If they decide to ask me to leave, it’ll make my chances of medical school even slimmer than they already were and I can’t help but feel like a bit of a failure and like I’ve just ruined my future despite knowing it’s not all true and I still have options :(

it’s so hyper specific and I’m so so so sorry abt that, but would it be possible for some comfort + tons of fluff with kuroo possibly? I just want to be babied a bit by this fictional man LOL. I feel like he’d know exactly what to do and how to get my mind off of it until I inevitably get that email :(

anon <3

My love, I am so sorry you’re having to go through this, and I am here, to PERSONALLY, tell you that you are far from a failure, and you should still be proud of yourself for getting so far. It’s okay to have bumps like this that halt your dreams, and it doesn’t make you any less deserving of continuing to chase those dreams. And hey! Use me as an example! I went from being a mechanic for four years and being fired for being so terrible (yes that is an actual thing that happened) then I went to college for writing; and now I’m a licensed esthetician with a focus in makeup artistry! There is no such thing as a dead end, no such thing as a closed room, just keep treating yourself gently and reminding yourself that this is far from over, your dream is still more than obtainable with some time and it is more than okay.

Ahem. Let me get off my soapbox PFFFF-

——-

Last night, you refreshed your emails who knows how many times, staring at your computer screen on the verge of hyperventilating for what felt like hours- and it might have been; your brain can’t process how long it was right now.

Your bottom lip was tight between your teeth, the hand on the mouse pad trembling, waiting in anticipation, tight with nerves. Your other rested a fist on your lap, waiting for the results and occasionally wiping a rogue tear that falls.

There’s a soft rapping on the door, but you don’t turn to face it. You merely keep refreshing.

“Hey,” tetsuro whispers, and you hear his feet padding into the room, and when he gets next to you, he crouches down. Once again, you can’t spare him a glance. “Any updates?”

You stay silent. He winces, “I’ll take that at a no…” he lays a warm hand on your back and gently rubs it in circles, “it’s okay baby. We’ll figure it out, we always do.”

“Tetsuro, please,” you whimper, not quite in the mood for a pep talk. “I’m going to puke right now, my life is in flames and crumbling around me, I’m so nervous, please. Save the pep talk, I can’t handle it right now.”

“I'm sorry,” he soothes. He doesn’t say anything further, just rubbing your back in slow, firm circles with his palm, blinking his golden eyes up at you warmly, lovingly.

You feel your body cramp from being under his loving touch, suddenly dawning on you just how long you've been sitting in the chair, inert and unwilling to peel your eyes from the email inbox. You suddenly become hyperaware of how your legs feel numb, your fingers are cramped and your eyes are burning. It's the first time in hours you've taken a break from your refreshing to scrub at your eyes, breeding a wetness to try and soothe the sting.

You hear Tetsuro sigh, "why... don't we go to bed, angel?"

"No."

"But-"

"I can't," you whimper. "Not now. Not yet-" your breathing picks up as you look at him in despair, chest fluttering and heart pounding as you try to breathe. He furrows his brows and shushes you softly, big hands moving to cradle your cheeks and force you to look at him.

"Baby," he says softly, but firm enough to ground you. "It's late. They're not going to send it this late at night. And if they do, we'll deal with it when we wake up tomorrow. But I'm almost certain they're not going to send it to you this late. I promise, okay?"

You let out a shaky sigh and look at the time: 22:43. It's far too late to be thinking, to be worrying, and you'd much rather breakdown in the comfort of your own bed, than alone in this wooden chair.

But you do know that, no matter what, Tetsuro is going to be right next to you, rubbing your back and cradling you close.

When you say nothing, Tetsuro slowly stands up and scoops you in his big, strong arms, "come on, angel face. Let's get some rest." You thunk your head against his chest and fist your fingers into the collar of his shirt, letting him carry you to the bathroom where he plops you down on the countertop.

He grabs your toothbrush and some toothpaste, and gently tells you to open, which you sleepily do. He's extra careful, making sure to get every tooth he can, scrubbing softly as to not make you uncomfortable. Silence, save for the bristles on the toothbrush, fills the room, the corner of Tetsuro's tongue sticking out in focus.

"Okay. Spit," he says, moving so you can comfortably turn your head and spit the froth out. Skincare comes next, and his touch is even softer as he massages in every product you use.

"Good girl," he whispers, picking you back up to carry you to bed. "My good girl. Good, brave girl..."

You drift off in his arms at his praise, not even feeling the way he gets you into pajamas or gets you under the covers, the exhaustion of the constant high of anxiety weighing you down.

Waking up this morning, your bones feel like bricks under the wall of your muscles, barely able to move under the force of it all. Your skin feels like paper, so hyper aware of it now that you’ve had the time to come down from your anxious state. You blink up at your ceiling, eyelids tight as you do, and you continue to stare and let your body wake up molecule by molecule, inch by inch. You feel it coming to life, and you slowly bring your hands up to press the heels of your palms into your eyesockets to force the rest of the sleep out of your eyes.

When your hand then drops next to you, you feel yourself grow saddened at the lack of warmth. Tetsuro’s been out of bed long enough to let his side cool down, and it makes you want to cry at the idea of being alone right now.

You never should’ve shut him down last night. All he wanted to do was help, and you shut him up and made him feel bad, now he’s not even in bed with you anymore, and you feel tears sting at your eyes again, this time out of anxiety of making him upset, and-

“Ah, you’re up.”

Your guilty, howling mind shuts up as soon as tetsuro’s body makes its way into the doorway, smiling and stirring his tea with a spoon. “Good morning, babygirl.” He takes a step into the bedroom and before you know it, he’s at your side, sitting on the bed next to you. He uses his free arm to wrap around you, but not pull you to his chest. “Did you sleep okay?”

“No,” you whimper, voice croaky. He nods and lets his thumb rub up and down the curve of your shoulder. “I’m sorry I yelled at you last night.”

His brow cocks in confusion, “huh?”

Now, finally, you turn to face him, “I snapped at you… I told you to-“

“You told me you didn’t want a pep talk,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “That’s okay. You’re allowed to tell me that my words might not be the most helpful. I’m not going to get mad at you for that. It’s not like you told me to shut my ugly ass up- you’d never do that, I’m too pretty.”

This, for the first time in what feels like days, has you crack a smile. You let out a small laugh, breathy and barely there, but he smiles proudly all the same, pulling you in for a hug now. “You’re a goof,” you murmur.

“And you, need to eat something,” he whispers against your head, and you deflate in his arms again. “Don’t you protest me, you know you have to eat something.”

“‘M not hungry,” you say.

“I know, but you didn’t eat last night, and I let you sleep in-“ at his words, your eyes flick to the clock on your nightstand, red numbers flicked onto 10:24. “You have to have something.”

“But-“

“I know,” he says. “Do you want something sweet, or savory?”

20 questions. It’s something he does after a fit of your anxiety to try and make your life just a hair easier, decisions quicker, and your day just a bit brighter because you’re getting exactly what you want. He claims he used to do it with kenma, hence why he’s so good at it.

“Uhm…” you shrug, “why not both?”

“Both?” He echos. “Okay. Do you want fruit?” You nod. He nods with you. “Okay. How about a bagel?” You nod again. “Okay. With some cream cheese?” You shake your head and he clicks his tongue, “butter?” You shake your head again, “okay. Uhmmmm-“

“I want to do it,” you mumble, and he presses a kiss to your head.

“You sure? Because I can whip something up-“

“I have to do it. I have to put the toppings on my bagel.”

He nods a final time and squeezes you close, “okay. If you need any help deciding, I’m right here, okay? I’ll be cutting your fruit.”

You hum and slowly swing your legs out of the bed, stretching and mewling from the force. When your hand instinctively darts for your phone, he clicks his tongue, "leave it. You don't need it right now."

"But-"

"I told your family to text me if they need you. Your phone is on do not disturb. Leave it there, babe." He swings his own long legs over and extends a hand out to you, wiggling his fingers enticingly for you to hold. When you grab three of them, he smiles and slowly leads you into the kitchen.

The news is playing on tv at a low volume, there’s a discarded blanket on the couch, and you quirk a brow in intrigue, “tetsu, how did you know I was awake?”

He shrugs, “my life shifts when you wake up for the day. I feel it in my soul.”

“Ew.”

“Shaddup.”

You laugh again, smiling a weak smile as you plop down at the table. He makes his way to begin cooking your bagel, popping it in the toaster before making his way to cut up your fruit. You sigh and play with your fingers, wondering if you should make conversation, or let silence rule, and you sigh shakily before opening your mouth to speak. “What’re you going to have?”

“I, my love, already ate some toast with some apple jelly and butter.”

“Oh.”

“But I’m going to pick at some fruit with you, because I don’t want you eating alone.”

“You don’t have to do that-“

“I know,” he hums. Then, he turns to face you with a smile. “I want to.”

Your heart flutters as you smile at him, looking down at your fingers to distract yourself. Usually, you’d be scrolling through your social media, checking apps and emails, but since he forbade it, you’re left to listen to him sing softly and the newscaster drone on and on. After a few short minutes, your bagel pops, and he plates it with some sliced fruit and places it in front of you, before kissing your head and grabbing various toppings for it.

Breakfast drags, but in a comforting way, where it drips by so slow like honey, syrupy sweet as Tetsuro talks. He talks about everything and anything, about the game Kenma's going to stream for charity, and the funny meme he sent the streamer- or funny to Tetsuro at least, as allegedly Kenma left him on read. You find yourself eating at his company, and before you know it, your bagel, juice, and fruit is gone. You look down at your plate in surprise, and he wiggles his brows at you, "feel better, angel?"

"Uhm... yeah," you say, almost confused. "I didn't think I was that hungry."

"I don't care how you thought, I'm glad you ate." He stands out of his chair with a stretch, "you still hungry? I can make you another-"

"No," you sigh. "I... I really should check my email-"

"Not until I give you a bath and a massage."

You quirk your brow, "you're going to give me a bath and a massage?"

"Of course," he chuckles, "If you're too anxious to give yourself some self care, that's plenty fine, but that means I'm going to give you self care." He shrugs, "those are just the rules."

"Do you even know how to give a massage?"

"Bokuto and I used to massage each other after practice all the time." Your brow quirks higher, and he holds his hand up, "don't ask. Just trust me."

"Can Bokuto give me a massage?" You tease, giggling at the way he gives you a fake smile and a high pitched "no," to tease you.

He presses a kiss to your head, "I'm going to go run the bath, why don't you get changed and meet me in there?"

"Okay," you hum. He nudges your nose with a finger before stalking down the hall to the bathroom. When your hear the tub running, you make a dash towards the small office room for your laptop, nervous to check your email, and-

"I took it out!" He calls, followed by a cackle.

"You're an ass!"

"It's your favorite ass, though!"

You grumble and make your way to the bedroom to get undressed per his request, stealing one of his oversized shirt to conceal yourself until the tub is filled. You stalk into the bathroom and blush under the way his eyes glaze up and down you, "fuck, I love you in my clothes."

"Back off, I'm about to bathe," you snort.

"Yeah, but I can still find you hot." As the tub fills, he adds a scoop of epsom salt, and a splash of bathing bubbles, large bubbles brewing on the surface of the water. You smile and watch them shape and form, the sweet smell filling the air around you. You feel excitement brewing inside of you as you watch him turn off the water and push himself up and off the floor with the edge of the tub, "should do it, baby. I'm gonna let you soak, I'll set up for a little massage after, make you nice and comfortable.

"Okay," you mewl. He presses a kiss to your lips and makes his way to the door. "Hey, Tetsu?" You say, reaching for his hand, which he takes happily. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, babygirl," he whispers. "You know that." He pinches your cheek and leaves the bathroom for you to relax.

The bath water is warm as you soak in the epsom salt, feeling your muscles loosen and relish in the combination. You bury your face in the bubbles and close your sleepy eyes, letting the smells lull you into a state of relaxation. Your head is still heavy with anxiety, but your heart is full of love and warmth for your boyfriend.

You're not sure how long you were floating in silence, lost in the bubbles and oils, but he gently knocks on the door, "you okay? Haven't heard you for a bit."

"Yes," you mewl, stretching. The water is now chilly and the bubbles are mostly gone and you rub your hands over the surface of the water. "Is the massage stuff ready?" You tease, looking at your hands and wincing at how pruny they are.

"It's been ready, I didn't want to bother you," he snickers. “Come out when you’re ready, just wanted to make sure you were alive.”

“I’m alive, I’m coming,” you call, getting out of the tub to dry yourself. You take your time drying off, trying to enjoy the last little bit of warmth clinging to your skin. You leave the bathroom to get dressed into some clean pajamas, smiling as tetsuro busies himself with the whole massage set up. “Candles? You spoil me.”

“There’s a lot of smells going on,” he says with a face.

“I know I can tell,” you hum. Getting dressed, you slip on a pair of his boxers and a shirt, and you make your way to the bed to wait for him.

“Alright-“ he pats the bed for you to crawl on top of. “C’mere, let me pamper you.”

You giggle, “you have been pampering me!” Regardless, you swing your legs onto the bed and lay on your stomach, squeaking as he straddles you and cracks his knuckles.

He lays a massive paw on each of your shoulders, using his thumb to splay and press the muscle under his force, and your eyes cross in the middle and flutter in relaxation. They work in circles to press into the muscles, before laying flat on your back to dig his heel into before his fingers press and roll back up to your shoulders.

Thick fingers roll over the knot in your right shoulder, no doubt from the refreshing of the page for hours on end last night. You whine and bury your face in the bed, and he hums, "I know beautiful, I almost got it."

"Feels good," you murmur.

"Told you it would," he says softly. “You need to trust me.”

“I think I trust you too much,” you snicker. Tetsuro says nothing, merely offering you a laugh through his nose as he continues with the massage.

Your body twitches as the tips of his fingers dig into your side as part of the massage, but your snicker doesn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend. “Something wrong?” He hums, doing it again.

"Tetsu!" You giggle, reaching behind you to try and stop his wrists, "that tickles!"

"That's crazy, I'm not tickling you," he snickers, and it's hard to tell if he's lying or not. "I mean, I can tickle you, if you want-"

"No!" You squeal, and your laughter turns choppy as he uses the sides of his hands to playfully chop up and down your back, making your body instinctively let out bumpy noises from your mouth.

“Quite an attitude on ya today,” he taunts, before hooking his fingers up under your arms, making you shriek, “okay, now I’m tickling you.”

Your mind spins from the sensory change, the signals in your brain cross, but one thing is for certain:

The email is far from the front of your mind.

And it feels good to laugh.

[shorlinesorrows]

okay, a couple things on alien stage/ivantill that I think some folks maybe need to consider and internalize.

Till does not "need" to return Ivan's feelings in the slightest if he doesn't feel that way. It's heart wrenching to see Ivan love him and have those feelings unreturned, but please remember that no one is required to return romantic feelings for someone else. You can't make yourself love someone, and you shouldn't. Especially out of guilt or obligation. That's Unhealthy 101, and would only set a relationship up for failure. (I do think Till cared about Ivan, and that he's going to have a Guilt Complex based on the fact that he didn't fully notice Ivan's feelings/care toward him until the guy died, but I've seen a couple of people tear into Till for not noticing/reciprocating Ivan's feelings??? Don't do that??? their situation is shitty, the fact that they didn't get to talk is shitty, but please don't blame Till for things he Can't Control.)

The kiss was not consensual. It wasn't meant to be portrayed as such. It wasn't even really romantic, it was a desperate, selfish act that Ivan used to get Till's attention (in more ways than one) and to give himself some sense of closure before he died. It was him saying everything that he felt at once, with no chance for Till to reciprocate or deny the affection. In a perfect world, they could have talked instead of this, maybe kissed knowing both wanted it, or given Till a chance to refuse. But they're both in the middle of an essential death tournament and one of them is going to be murdered sometime in the next few minutes. Neither of them really wants to live, but Ivan feels he has unfinished business before his sacrifice, so he finishes it. Their situation sucks. That doesn't mean the kiss was consensual. (especially considering the theory/implication that Till was/is being sexually assaulted by aliens, I wouldn't be surprised if this affects him badly in the future, for multiple reasons. Everyone should always get the chance to say "no" and have that fully respected. This also extends to the fact that Ivan died for Till without giving him a chance to stop it, which is probably going to mess with Till's head a lot. Then again, Ivan likely didn't think it would affect Till much because as far as he/we know, the feelings aren't reciprocated in this moment in canon, or are extremely repressed. Ivan might believe that Till simply hates him, or the kiss/subsequent "choking" may have been a way of trying to make Till hate him so that his death wouldn't hurt as much. Of course that thinking is flawed, because it would hurt Till no matter what, but still, it makes me sad)

Ivan... is kinda messed up. I adore him, but we've got to acknowledge that he has little to no emotional and relationship maturity due to the fact that he was quite literally raised as a pet and learned at a young age to do whatever his masters said to keep himself safe and pain-free. His fascination with Till appears to largely stem from Till's sense of rebellion. Ivan's examples of relationship dynamics and what constitutes as "love" is dangerously unbalanced, and he does not know how to build a healthy relationship. (Neither of them do.) This is also built onto the fact that the person he became dependent on only paid attention to him when they were fighting or Ivan was annoying him. Ivan cares about Till desperately, but he is also dangerously reliant on him to the point of self-detriment. Again, in an ideal world, they would be able to get out of this situation and gradually make a healthy relationship/friendship (depending on Till's feelings) over time while starting to undo the dangerous relationship patterns that they fell into when they didn't have any way to know better. But they're in a terrible situation, and Ivan really just doesn't get the chance to grow as a person and realize that his sense of possessiveness and reliance on Till's attention isn't healthy.

Basically, their situation makes me want to sob and its heart wrenching. Their circumstances have set them up for failure. Both of them are in the midst of attempting to survive an abusive situation and massive amounts of dehumanization. I beg, please try not to sanitize their complicated relationship or blame either of them for the pain the other is going through. I've seen some of that going around, and it's making me sad :(

[pascaloverx]

FELLINGS — EXO K.J

CHAPTER ONE

Summary: You and Jongin live wanting what you two can't have. For example, he wants to win over your best friend and you want him.

Warnings: This fanfic will describe some hot romantic moments and use of inappropriate language. In the future there may be both smut and moderate use of violence. Readers are warned. This fanfic will feature some members of EXO as characters but they are not part of a Kpop group in this scenario.

PREVIEW CHAPTER TWO

The damn dress I bought just won't close. The zipper got stuck halfway and you don't know how to force it without tearing your dress. You spent a good part of your afternoon doing bridesmaid things. Your apartment doorbell rings, alerting you that you are terribly late.

"I'm coming." You speak loud enough for whoever is at the door to stop ringing the doorbell. With your dress still open in the back, you open the door, coming face to face with your boss. Kim Jongin rarely is late.

"With all due respect, don't you think it's a little aggressive to try to steal the bride's spotlight?" He says as he enters your apartment, you smile embarrassed. He has no idea how what he says affects you, which is good.

"Actually, the bride chose this dress without me. Now I'm trying to get into this shit but I can't. Do you mind helping me?" You say, turning your back, waiting for Kim Jongin to help you. He doesn't respond at all. But you feel his hand go down your back, making its way to the zipper. Finally he closes the dress for you and when you think it's done, you feel him approach your neck as if he's going to kiss you there. But actually he just smelled you.

"Your scent must be the most delicious scent I've ever smelled." He says as you turn to face him. You don't know what to say, so you ignore him and go to the bathroom to finish your makeup. He follows you there and out of the corner of your eye, you watch him.

"Are you going to behave?" You ask and almost immediately he smiles mischievously.

"If I don't behave, will you punish me?" Jongin speaks in a rude tone and you turn to look him in the eyes.

"If you don't behave, sir...I'll resign and you'll be left to fend for yourself." You say, looking seriously at him, who even seems to like your answer.

"I prefer a good old punishment. But I'll try my best today. I mean, I'm going to behave so I don't have to lose you." He says, approaching you and extending his hand for you to get up from the chair in front of the dresser.

"Do you think I'm well dressed? I feel like this dress wasn't made for me." Luna has always had a unique style and let's say fashionista when it comes to clothes, as for you...you usually wear what makes you comfortable. And that dress doesn't make you very comfortable.

"I told you. You're stealing all the attention. At least stealing all of mine attention." And he says this with zero intention of being with you. It's impressive.

"Let's go. Luna will kill us if we get there after her." You say, taking your bag and heading towards the door. Jongin comes right behind you and the two of you quickly go to the dinner location of the engagement dinner. Everything about the place was stunning. Sehun, Luna's fiance was next to her taking photos.

You're not sure what to do, it seems like all eyes in the beautiful banquet hall for the engagement dinner are on you. Everyone is watching as you and Kim Jongin enter, almost as if you were expected. Amid smiles and sideways glances, you both walk in. Suddenly, Jongin grabs your waist, leaving you confused. Until you notice the exchange of glances between Luna and Jongin, realizing that he's using you to make her jealous. Jerk.

"You know, I've always suspected there was something going on between you and Luna. But using me to make her jealous is low, even for you." You whisper in Kim Jongin's ear. From afar, no one would suspect that you're cursing him out. They might even think you're whispering something naughty in his ear.

"Y/N…" He starts to speak but is interrupted by the newlyweds who came to greet us. You had to compose yourself because you didn't want Sehun or Luna to notice that you're angry with Jongin, even though Luna is part of all this.

"I was starting to think the maid of honor wouldn't show up for the party, huh, Y/N? You know Luna can't live without you." Sehun says as he approaches to hug you and Jongin. You notice a strange exchange of glances between the groom and your boss, but you brush it off.

"In her defense, the maid of honor had to look beautiful for her best friend's special day." Kim Jongin says as he greets the bride and groom. The weirdest part is that Sehun seems tense because of your boss.

"You've got a lot of nerve showing up here after telling my fiancée you loved her in that damn call." Sehun says, almost lunging at Kim Jongin. You feel the need to find an excuse to lighten the mood of the party before things escalate into a fight.

"Listen here, buddy…" Kim Jongin begins, but you interrupt him, shifting the spotlight of this conversation onto yourself.

"What Kai means is that he mixed up his messages. He was drunk, dialed the wrong number, and ended up mistakenly declaring his feelings to Luna." You say. Perhaps this is the worst excuse you've ever given in your life.

"And how do you know that?" Luna asks, sounding genuinely surprised that you've come up with such a almost convincing excuse for Jongin's declaration.

"Her and I are engaged. We just didn't want to steal your moment." Kim Jongin says, catching everyone off guard, including you. And then he kisses your cheek, and you smile.

[odiesbun]

♡...Stray Kids: Yandere Type. Pt. 2...♡

There may be errors in the text, as my native language is not English. Thank you for your likes and your request!

genre: angst

warning: there is a lot of violence, killing, blood, cuts. References to food and suicide, please read with caution! At some points, the participants are not similar in character.

w.c: 2.2k

a/n: this part didn't fit in hyun-line, so I made it next ;))

♡Han♡

Kidnap: Oh... If Jisung is really in love with you and you really make him feel jealous and possessive, at first he'll break down and dismiss thoughts of it, arguing that you already think he's weird without it, but one night he'll just spit on everything, sneak into your apartment, put you to sleep, and the next morning you'll find yourself chained to a chair in his apartment. I don't think he'll ban you to the basement right away, at first he'll just tie you up when he's busy. But once his love for you grows and you're already moving around his house comfortably, he'll start locking you in separate rooms, and then the situation will come to the basement.

Hurting you: I don't think he would hurt you physically, but he would take advantage of you. I mean... He will hurt HIMSELF in front of you, whispering frantically about how it's your fault that his hands are now covered in blood. He will threaten to kill himself if you don't do what he wants or try to somehow get away from him.

- „Don't turn away. Look what you've done... Look what you've brought me to. Look how much I love you.” - Jisung crawls madly toward you, touching your face with his bloody hands and forcing you to look at him, not letting you turn away or close your eyes.

Killing: In a fit of anger and a fit of madness, he may well kill a man. Jisung is a rather violent person, so I think that in addition to killing a person who is in close contact with you, he can also accidentally kill you. For example, in a fit of anger, he might get jealous and talk about how you don't love him at all. He might either push you off the balcony or stab you with a knife.

- „No... No, no... NO! I really did it!? Don't die, don't die, please, I love you...”

The way he acts with you: Again, Jisung is a terrible possessive person. So in his conversation and his actions, he will emphasize several times the fact that you are only his, you are completely in his power. Certainly he doesn't think of you as his thing to use, but you're not one to live independently without his involvement in your life either. According to him, if you don't love him, you'll never find a better guy than him, no one will bring you a glass of water in your old age, and you'll basically become... Worthless?

- „If you reject me again, you'll certainly never find anyone better than me. Believe me, I'll take care of it.” - Jisung smirks, an abnormal, slightly aggressive glint in his eyes.

Torture: I think the only torture he'll use is isolation from society. He knows that sometimes people are afraid of being alone and of being abandoned, so if you're afraid of that too, he'll do it. He likes to push you and your fears, he definitely knows where to push to make you hysterical and realize his mistake. However, if you're going to be the one who's going to enjoy being alone on the contrary, he'll have to work especially hard to come up with a new moral torture for you. Yes, Jisung is a fan of moral torture.

- „Sit here and think about your behavior.” - Han says in a cold tone as he closes the cellar door, making you gasp in tears and beg not to leave you.

♡Felix♡

Kidnapping: Yes, he will kidnap you. I think he'll do it as soon as you manage to get acquainted. He'll follow you for weeks beforehand, gather enough facts about you and realize that you're his future destiny, you'll be one hundred percent his. Well, for all intents and purposes, because now you only live in his apartment. He won't let you go out because he knows a lot of people have already reported you missing and he's afraid for his life and that «those evil, worthless people» will take you away from him.

- „Don't even think about looking out the window. Silly, the police are looking for you, their interrogation will be much worse than you think, so you'd better stay living with me. Forever.”

Hurting you: Felix loves it. But the fact that you take an awful long time to recover afterwards, your fractures and bruises and cuts interfering with Felix's fun and your punishment - makes him terribly angry. He has to take care of you like an incapable child, helping you to move around, eat and drink, and these activities make him very tired. So sometimes Felix is kinder to you, if your limbs are still bandaged and not in the best condition, then Felix will take pity and forgive you.

- „Next time you'll definitely get the punishment you deserve.”

Murder: ...No. No doubt Felix as Yandere is very cruel, but I don't think it would come to murder. Yes, he would kidnap you, make you suffer torture and almost choke on your tears from the hopelessness of the situation, but nothing more. He wouldn't dare kill you or someone you care about. He has had to experience the pain of losing a loved one several times before, and it is far worse than torture, so he thinks it is too serious a punishment. Especially, Felix doesn't want to get his hands dirty in blood, and his soul is already very sinful judging by what he did to you...

- „Are you going to kill me?” - You whisper in fear, already ready to accept your hard end of fate. Felix's knife falls to the floor, he is silent for a few seconds.

- „Kill? You? No. That wouldn't be any fun, then what would be the point of killing you?”

The way he behaves with you: Actually, I see a vague answer. On the one hand, he will constantly mention how much he loves you and that you are only his, but on the other hand I see a bit of a distorted picture and that he will use you exclusively for his fun. Like torture and bullying and all that. So, Felix has very strong mood swings and it's hard to know what kind of mood he'll be in tomorrow if you break his rules.

Torture: Such an innocent, sweet boy... Will torture himself in the cruelest way possible. Felix's mindset toward love is rather unorthodox and he doesn't know exactly how to love properly, so his actions will be as chaotic as the torture he uses. He favors physical torture, especially he's a big fan of blood and tears, but he doesn't mind torturing you morally either, like Jisung. And the worse your act, the more severe the punishments, it may well make you faint...

- „You fainted again...” - He smiles, leaning toward you and wiping a drop of blood under your lip. - „Now that you're awake... We can continue your punishment.”

♡Seungmin♡

Kidnapping: Yes, if he's really in love with you, there's an eighty percent chance he'll do it. First he'll cross paths with you on the street and a perfect plan will mature in his head, so the next time you meet, he'll invite you into his apartment and then he won't even let you come out. He'll just lock you in the basement, and to anyone who asks where you've gone, he'll tell you that you just found a new apartment in a different neighborhood.

- „Don't cry so loud, my girl. No one can hear you cry anyway, and to me it's like music. You're only going to blow your lovely voice.” - Seungmin smirks, unlocking his basement door and staring frantically at the tears rolling down your cheeks.

Hurting you: I don't think Seungmin could be the cruelest contestant(because he's my bias and I love him, you know), but I also don't think he would be the softest. Somewhere in the middle, so he might very well hurt you physically. Like hitting or threatening to cut your throat, but nothing more. Seungmin is not someone who would kill his love, but he is also not someone who would fall softly on her like Chan or Jeongnin.

- „You haven't eaten in days, you're too weak to fight me now.” - He smirks as you once again try to prove to him that this attitude is terribly wrong. - „If we continue this argument, your friends and family will find you with your throat cut in the morning~”

Murder: Seungmin is a maniac... So if the person is dear to you, he will also ban him in the basement with you, make him suffer, and then kill him right in front of you if Seungmin is not happy with the person's behavior. And I also think that Seungmin will be the one who will use chemicals in the killing to keep his hands bloody. For example, poison, overdose of pills and other medications. He may even have his own lab where he creates special pills and distributes them to your «too close friends», but in the morning they will all be poisoned by the poison, but no one will be able to save them or understand the cause of death anymore.

- „Oh, what a pity. Your close friend died of a pill overdose, and your lover died of poison poisoning... Haha, people are so weak.”

The way he acts with you: Cold. He is unlikely to show his real side, the way he is in love with you, so all you will see day after day is a distraught lunatic. He wants you to be scared and feel less than him, he likes to see the fear and tears in your eyes. But he will still take care of you - bring you food when you can't do it yourself, let you sleep in his bed in the winter (because the basement is cold and damp), and uncuff you when you are tied to a chair and your arms are really tired and bruised.

- „Y/n, I brought you food.” - He silently sets the plate next to you, squatting down and propping your chin up with his hand. - „You didn't eat enough food yesterday. So today I'm going to make sure you eat it all.”

Torture: I've already talked about the fact that you'll be locked in his basement, so I'll say it again. I don't think Seungmin will torture you too much physically, but you'll definitely be tied to a chair with little electrical wires, so when you tell Seungmin to let you out, you'll get a little electric shock every time because Kim has a remote. If you try to run away, Seungmin will break bones not only in your legs but also in your arms, for which he himself will regret later, since you will have to be cared for like an incapable child.

- „Shit, get up. You have a fracture, not a missing leg, get up, it's not that serious...” - Seungmin clucks his tongue as he watches you climb the stairs from the basement.

- „I can't...” - You sob. In the next second, Seungmin is beside you, picking you up in his arms and carrying you up the stairs.

♡Jeongin♡

Kidnapping: If you refuse to acknowledge Jeongin, avoid him and all that, there's a chance he might well kidnap you to be with you ✨forever✨. You can do without kidnapping, but then Jeongin will follow your every move and become a real stalker. You'll run into him in a completely random atmosphere - whether it's right outside your apartment door, in a convenience store near your house, or even in a clear field. He will follow you EVERYWHERE, just like Chan.

- „What are you doing under my apartment door, Yang Jeongin?” - You raise your eyebrows incredulously, crossing your arms over your chest. Jeongin hesitates at first, unable to find an answer, and then blurts out an abnormal smile.

- „I just came to check on you and ask how you're doing...” - He puts his hands on your shoulders, making you instinctively pull back.

- „But we saw each other this morning?” - You whisper uncomprehendingly, flapping your eyes.

- "I know, Y/n, I know..."

Hurting you: Jeongin is not the kind of person who would hurt you physically. He will probably pretend to be hurt and deeply disappointed in you, become a little colder to you after your escape attempt, but nothing more. He is too afraid that you might leave him because of his stupid actions, he thinks that fear towards him is the deepest and most disgusting feeling that could happen to him and he will never be able to wash himself of it.

- „Hey... Hey, Y/n, no... Don't be afraid of me, please, I don't want to hurt you...” - Jeongin almost sobs, reaching out to touch your face as you recoil from him in fear.

Killing: He's too innocent and soft for that... He'd rather kill himself than you or anyone close to you. I don't think he will be too jealous, but he will also ask you every time after a conversation who this person is and if you had an affair with him.

- „Who was this man? I've seen him several times, I know you often spent time with each other... Who is he to you?” - Jeongin whispers, his eyes gleaming in the darkness of the night.

The way he behaves with you: He's a very gentle boy, so if you happen to hurt yourself, he'll take care of you. It's important for him to show you that he's really in love with you, even though it's not a normal type of relationship. If your relationship is really strong and you really fall in love with him, you could very well be considered a normal couple. You will go out together, he will take care of you, but your social circle will consist only of him and your family, no one else.

- „I brought you food, honey! Come on, I found a very nice place on the roof where we can have dinner together...”

Torture: I will once again mention that Jeongin is not the kind of person who can hurt you, so no torture. Even if he accidentally does something that could well be considered torture, he will tearfully apologize afterwards and beg you to forgive him. Jeongin is ashamed and hurt that a beautiful creature like you is getting hurt because of him.

- „I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, please forgive me!”

©Odiesbun, 2023.

[darlingpwease]

im in the car right now and it's zoomin through the highway like a sequoia seed fucking like a bullet train. but hrrrr HRRRR HRHRHRHRHR HRHRGRGRHRHRHR alpha w wolf yuuta :)))) who is sweet and tender and shy and takes diligent care of his friends with you, the first alpha of the group. naturally, you pair up for effeciency, and to learn from one another. only for you to grow far, far too close and like each other far too much. you take care of each other so devotedly it hurts. and sweet, dear yuuta sheds his meek disposition for an extremely aggressive one when you officially become mates; standing down anyone he perceives as a threat to you. even when he threatens to tear off the face of a stranger, he still quietly whines for your affection-- closely pressing his face into yours, kissing you till your lips bruise. he'll absent-mindedly fiddle with your hair and/or trace the skin along your nape and watch as you shiver from his touch, even make other rivals watch as you growl into his neck and squeeze his waist tightly. yuuta lets no one else touch you or love you like he does and applies the same to himself for you. so terribly possessive and obsessive and your sweet boy :))))!!!!

'zoomin through the highway like a sequoia seed fucking like a bullet train' darling<3 thank you for the soundtrack I love driving at high speeds so much hshshhs /srs; hope you get a good ride, don't forget to buckle up <33 [advice for the future, considering how much time has already passed]

*meme with cat & microphone* please tell us what it's like to be a rare supplier of alpha x alpha dynamic? /pos /hj

MUTUAL SUPPORT!

cw hybrid au implied + omegaverse au elements; heavy unhealthy behaviour, animal behaviour, heavy petting, bloody biting

When there are more than one alpha in groups, it is natural that a hierarchy of experience and strength is built; even if you often participate in puppy fuss and behave democratically, competition for the main role always remains an important part of any communication. After all, this is an internal struggle for a resource, an important part of any intraspecific selection, and even if society and years of evolution have made everything less bloody, these are instincts — something that has not yet been replaced by cold reason.

Yuuta is not interested in competition or the main role, and even when you pull him into a puppy romp, — allows you to easily win, anxiously clutching your clothes as you hover over him. Yuuta is just such a soft and gentle alpha, almost too timid and anxious for someone who has to take over the management and control of the future group and lead it. Maybe you wouldn't sincerely call yourself "the most skilled alpha", but definitely understood such things better than Yuuta — anyone understands such things better than Yuuta — and allow yourself to slip from original goals.

He's just looks like a puppy — both literally and figuratively — with this "eternally in need of help" face and anxious grabbing when something happens, looking for a smarter and stronger alpha in you, watching you to learn the same, and you can't resist when notice how he tries to repeat after you or uses the same methods (being without you) in order to be more like a "good" alpha. You know about it — and it's as damn charming as it is almost embarrassing, knowing that he's taking an example from you as another alpha. You're not that experienced or old, but he still looks with a twinkle in eyes, absorbing your every word or movement on the coordination of the group, and you, you can't say to yourself "don't pay attention" when you see his need to become a better alpha.

You don't say that he is under your care, or that you are teaching him, or that he is your protégé — everyone understands this anyway, looking at how carefully you study each other and with each other; when you start walking only together or spend a lot of time alone, getting along with each other so well, that you can't avoid playful attention and small innocent jokes (not everyone decides to mess with two alphas). You do not resist and do not try to dispel them — you are not exactly in search of a mate; any partner is building a new group, and you are not ready to create a joint nest. Yuuta only blushes at this, like an overripe poppy, but does not answer anything, mumbling something when you ask if everything is fine, shyly looking away, but convincing that he is fine.

Yuuta smells even too nice for an alpha; something calm, pleasant, making you feel warm and good, and he definitely shouldn't smell so good for an alpha like you, but he does it, without flinching even when you sit closer, nuzzling his neck from fatigue and exhaustion, not preventing him from continuing to do his business. However, he is polite and affectionate enough to pay attention to you, standing still for your convenience, obediently raising and lowering head whenever you want, purring as you wrap your arms around his thin waist, snuggling closer. It's not that you were interested in other alphas — their smells were too sharp, their behavior was too competitive, their aggression was too reflective — but if it was Yuuta, then, maybe, you would be interested in alpha. As an exception.

Just in theory — it's not that you think of him as a possible partner or, even more so, as a possible keeper of your nest. Even if he was almost plush, he was an alpha — not the best choice for another alpha. But the way Yuuta strokes you, touching your skin with his fingertips and gently caressing, as if seducing you, in a sensual silence, covered only by the sounds of your common breathing, is more than exciting, and this is definitely the reason why your heart beats as fast as his.

... When Yuuta clings to you, wrapping his long legs around your body, pressing into you, whispering, almost crying, that he can't replace you with the partner you should have, — the best partner you will definitely have, — but he loves you, and the only thing he wants is for you to keep him close with yourself until you find someone better, letting him be around and take care of you, and it's so awkward and strange and embarrassing,

and you don't understand why you feel so hot when he whines, hiding head in your neck, gently scratching you and trembling on your chest, depending on you and any of your words or movements. He is dependent on you,

too dependent on you,

and you are too excited about it.

You cannot reject him, even when he naively presses his face to your face, whining like a puppy from fear and delight, trying to kiss you.

Yuuta is affectionate; so gentle and timid, putting chin on your outstretched palm and shamelessly exposing his neck when you leave your lovebites under loud purring, knowing that he will not hide them or deny that they are yours. He never denies or hides you.

(The shape of your teeth in the likeness of a marriage ring on his ring finger is more than eloquent about what you mean when call him your "mate".)

Even if Yuuta growls almost as shamelessly low, baring fangs when someone starts behaving wrong, too wrong, forcing him to wrap around you and almost bare claws, threatening to scratch anyone who moves too close to you — as a warning; no one even dares to violate your space, let alone find out what will happen after the 'warning'.

You are TAKEN.

He's purrs like a huge cat when holds the edge of his t-shirt in mouth, allowing you to touch him and slide your fingers down, treating him like a pet, massaging his stomach and squeezing thin waist, perfectly turning into hips and thighs, wrapping around you; his belly is cute, easily squeezing through when you lightly press on it, perfect for a knot, — but you don't respond to quiet whining when Yuuta watches you check something. His nest, the first joint nest, a small love nest for two, specially built for you according to your preferences, looks so good, but Yuuta is closely watching your every look at what's around to see your real opinion; you don't know if he's whining for you to tell him what you're doing or what you think about this nest, — you don't say anything, just leaning closer to him,

And Yuta gasps when you start humping, gently rubbing and making him bend in the back, allowing you to continue at a more comfortable angle, caressing even harder and faster through clothes, touching heated skin with your lips, forcing him to moan and whine while his body is pressed down, unable to move except to incoherently push his hips in an attempt to return the caress. Yuuta is flexible, agile, wriggling under you to grab your clothes, hiding face in your shoulder, hanging on to you tightly even when you lift him higher to continue pushing harder, hearing only a purr mixed with moans when he takes his face away from your neck to immediately snuggle back, looking for your smell and leaving bloody the marks on your neck — but you don't feel them at all, being intoxicated from everything that is happening, just feeling how Yuuta encourages you not to stop, everything is fine, he's fine, even when your smell becomes too much for an ordinary alpha in a nest of this size.

If he could, he would stay in this nest with you forever.

When Yuuta is almost hanging on you, sleepily purring, looking for a source of energy in you, behaving more than eloquently about your closeness, you are more than sure that no one else will approach you, even if you smell like another alpha. Yuuta just has this ability to intimidate others, although you would say that this does not come from biological reasons like smell (like yours), but from something more subconsciously social.

But even if he modestly and quietly intimidates others, you don't mind. In any case, he does it with the best of intentions.

(he doesn't need to know that you encourage him or know about it, however.)

Your smell can become 'too' much only for strangers when you grab Yuuta by the waist, possessively wrapping your arm around it, digging your fingers into side, probably leaving a bruise, but Yuuta only purrs softly, not letting you realize it. A soft, almost weightless kiss on your cheek relaxes you — only to get even angrier, feeling an attempt to invade your space. You don't know how it happens; you don't like it when someone flirts with him, and that's okay, but it's not normal — you're abnormally obsessive with him, and you know it when Yuuta is completely pressed against you, even if he hasn't taken a step himself, and his neck is pressed to your lips.

It's wrong, but if you could... you don't know what you would do to him or them so that it wouldn't happen again. So that no one else flirts with him, no one perceives your smell as "friendly", no one ignores that he is clearly not free. He's yours.

Only yours.

“Love, it's good, it's all good...”

Your mate.

“They just wanted to ask me...”

Your alpha.

“if I had someone.”

An alpha that also smells like other alphas is more successful.

In the end, collectivism and mutual assistance — if an alpha is close to another alpha, then the pack is more likely to survive than if there is only one alpha in the pack. Sometimes it happens that alphas specifically call several alpha-like betas to create the illusion of other alphas.

The principle of mutual support.

“You're mine.”

Yuuta wants to answer something, but doesn't know what, panting and whining, grabbing for you when you kiss him again; whining even more pitifully when you leave a bloody mark on his lips; only to lift head and let you bite his neck, biting the skin until it bleeds under his attempts to be quiet. Maybe you didn't know how to intimidate others, it was something more than you could, but you know what you can do.

Perhaps making sure that your smell becomes his smell will be a fairly short cut if you can't do the same as him.

(maybe this is what Yuuta really wants — but you definitely don't need to know about it, even if he wants you to know about it.)

[ilalos]

Worth it (Anthony Bridgerton x reader) Part 2/2

Summary: Your arranged marriage to Anthony seems fine, until it doesn’t.

Warnings: marriage, implied sex, angst-ish, fluff, pregnancy, crying, if you notice anything else let me know :)

Word count: 2.5k

The season passed in a blur with countless flowers and conversations that filled you with expectations about your marriage to the Viscount, you truly felt like love was around the corner for both of you and it was a matter of time for that corner to be turned. He was everything you had expected and more, you could tell he was wary about letting you in but didn’t want to push him so you let him open himself to you at his own pace. The had been some stolen looks, kisses on your knuckles that had lasted a little longer than they should and hand a bit lower than what was acceptable when you danced. To say the courting had been successful was the understatement of the season in your opinion, by the time the wedding day came you were counting down the minutes before you finally became Lady (y/n) Bridgeton.

Your wedding ceremony was short and the carriage ride to Anthony’s bachelor townhouse was even shorter. The wedding night had come with a surprisingly low amount of events, your virginity had been taken the sweetest of ways, with many kisses and whispered promises of pleasure that came true. By the end of the day, you were as happy as can be, laying on your husband's chest, feeling his heartbeat slowing down and smelling the sweet vanilla scent of his skin.

When you woke up the next morning the bed was empty and he had already left to work in his study back in the main Bridgerton home. He didn’t return until late in the evening and you were waiting for him so you could have dinner together.

“Thank you for waiting for me,” he said while taking a sip of his wine.

“It’s nothing, I like that we are finally spending some time together”

Anthony just nodded and continued eating in silence.

“How was your day?” You pushed for conversation, you had been alone all day and could really use some conversation with someone different than your maid, who was terrified of speaking freely.

“It was busy” he answered simply “how was your day?” He asked after seeing the face you made at his short answer.

“It was also very busy, I reorganized the books in the library, had the kitchen staff do an inventory on the pantry, and send the maids to the market to get some flowers for the table tops” you narrated proudly, hoping he might appreciate the way you ran the home.

“Good to see you’re settling in, darling” his small praise made you smile a little.

“You don’t mind that I changed some things?” You asked somewhat concerned by his silence.

“It is your home, you’re free to do whatever you please with it,” he said dismissively.

“It’s our home, Anthony, I want to make it perfect for you too”

After dinner, he walked you to the bedroom and after a couple of heated kisses you fell in his arms once again, the pleasure he gave you was addictive. Despite his cold attitude towards you in other aspects of your life, it was in the bedroom where you felt hopeful for a future where you both might learn to truly love each other, and then he would sneak out every morning making you feel like a worthless whore.

And so your days continued like this, every night was filled with passion and every day was lonely. You couldn’t even go to the Bridgerton home, you had been taught that a married lady was not to go out without her husband, so your heart slowly filled with sadness as you spent day after day alone in the townhouse. Anthony was none the wiser because he simply thought you enjoyed being by yourself, so it never occurred to him to invite you to his family’s home or anywhere else.

A month into your marriage you found out you were with child. You were extremely happy and Anthony had shown himself to be happy as well, but then that night he didn’t come home for dinner and didn’t make an appearance in your bedroom. He was more and more distant until four months had passed and he disappeared for two full weeks before you saw him again.

It was on the day of your birthday, and he had only gone to your room because the butler told him you had been very sick that day. When he entered the room he found you seating on the bed hugging your knees close to your chest, your eyes puffy from crying and silent tears still streaming down your face. You weren’t upset he had forgotten your birthday, you had never celebrated it so it didn’t matter he didn’t remember it.

“What happened? Is everything well? Is the baby-“

“Your child is quite well, Lord Bridgerton” you interrupted in the coldest tone he had ever heard from you “to what do I owe this joyous visit?”

“I apologize for my absence, I have been very busy” he answered measly.

“I figured out that much, husband” the word was said with venom.

“Are you upset with me?” He asked offended, you had never treated him so coldly.

“I am upset with myself” you started with a pained chuckle “I don’t need you to try and comfort me because you did nothing wrong, that is the reason for my anger” a small sob escaped your lips “I was taught to be a good wife, that my only job was to give my husband heirs and to keep the house running and I understood that and I didn’t fight it because at least I would have children to fill my life with love and a husband who at the very least would acknowledge me and my efforts”

“I-“

“I don’t want you to feel like you should change or apologize, this is not your fault, I feel miserable because I filled my heart with hopes and dreams of love but that’s just not how life is, at least not mine” you harshly wiped your eyes before finishing “I understand my place now, I’m nothing but a child-bearer for you and that’s fine because you didn’t even pick me in the first place” you got up from bed and opened the door for him “please leave me alone, I will be fine”

“I can’t just leave you here alone, have you even eaten today? In your condition-“

“Your child is perfectly well, my lord” your tone had turned icy once again “please go, I am tired and want to rest”

Unable to do anything else, Anthony left the room and went back to his family’s home. His mother had insisted for him to take you there that night, but seeing your state he didn’t even bother asking if you wanted to go. When he got there he was surprised to see the dining room fully decorated, his whole family dressed in their best clothes, even Daphne and Simon had paid a visit.

“Where is (y/n)?” Asked Violet.

“She’s not feeling very well” answered Anthony looking at the table that was filled with all his wife’s favorite food “What is happening? Why are you all here dressed as if you are attending a ball?”

“Anthony, please for the love of God almighty, tell me you didn’t forget your wife’s birthday!” Violet couldn’t keep his composure, how could Anthony be so clueless.

“I-I’ve been so busy lately supervising the building of the new house, it didn’t even occur to me that it was her birthday” Anthony felt terrible, as he should.

“It’s bad enough she doesn’t like us, son” Violet sighed, seating on the table “And now she thinks we don’t care for her birthday”

“Where did you get that idea, mother?” Daphne couldn’t help but ask “When she writes to us she says wonderful things about our family”

“Then why hasn’t she visited since the wedding?” This time it was Colin asking “Mother sent a tea invitation shortly after they got married and she never showed up, sent a poor letter apologizing but did not explain why she didn’t show”

“I might have an explanation for that” Simon spoke up “My aunt was a terribly strict mother, taught her that a wife was nothing more than a child-bearer and had no liberties like men do, for example: going out unaccompanied”

“Has she been out of the house since you married, brother?” asked Eloise, turning to face Anthony who was still frozen at the doorstep.

“I don’t believe so” he entered the room and sat defeated “I just thought she enjoyed being at home by herself, god!” he rubbed his hands down his face.

“I can’t believe it, the poor thing” lamented Violet.

“She hasn’t left the house in almost half a year” concluded Benedict.

“And here we were, refusing to visit thinking she had rejected mother,” said Colin.

“I would like to clarify, I never agreed with losing contact with her over one missed invitation” added Eloise, gaining the glares of everyone present.

“It matters not what we thought nor does it matter what has happened in the past” began Violet “right now I want you to go pick her up and bring her here, she deserves to be celebrated, especially after everything we put her through,” she told her eldest child, pushing him to stand and go to the door.

Anthony mounted the carriage and urged the coachman to hurry home and as soon as he got there he ran up the stairs to your room and burst through the door, jolting you awake.

“I am so sorry, love,” ha said kneeling on your bedside “I never knew you didn’t leave the house because you thought you couldn’t, you are free to do as you please, darling” he grabbed your hand and kissed your knuckles “I didn’t mean to make you feel trapped in your own home, and I am sorry if you felt like I abandoned you” he caressed your face and wiped some tears that had fallen without your notice.

“You did abandon us,” you said, trying to pull your hand from his grasp with your other hand protecting your belly.

“I was merely supervising the building of our new home, I was hoping I could surprise you before the baby arrived” he explained, now seating by your side “I can’t possibly ask my family to leave their home but I know how much you love that house, and so I chose to build a similar one not too far from here”

“You are building me a house?” You asked incredulously, hardly anything could justify his absence but this was in fact a reasonable explanation.

“Yes, love” he once again caressed your face “A home for our family” at that your eyes filled with tears, this time from happiness.

You sat up and wrapped your arms around his neck, crying with your face buried in his shirt. He wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head and shushing you softly to calm down your cries. You spent a while holding each other until he suddenly broke you two apart, remembering his family that was still waiting for you both to show up.

“My beautiful wife, I must take you out of the comforts of your bed” he began, apologetic “My family is expecting you in their home to celebrate your birthday with a lavish dinner”

“Heavens! You should’ve started with that” you ran to your door and called out for your maid “I don’t think I have a dress for such occasion, non that would fit me now, that’s certain”

You opened your trunk and began taking out your chemise and all other items you had to wear under your dress in such cold weather. You took off your nightgown not caring Anthony was there, he had seen it all before, after you had put on your chemise your maid ran in and help you put on the rest of your garments and helped you squeeze your small baby bump in the dress you had worn for one of the first balls you attended when Anthony was courting you. She put your hair in a quick updo and even managed to coerce Anthony into putting on your stockings and your shoes while she did your hair. With all that rush and hard work, you managed to be ready in under an hour and still made it to the dinner at a reasonable hour (half past 9 is reasonable, right?).

At the Bridgerton home, you were welcomed with warm embraces and merry wishes on your special day. You all sat around the table and ate the feast that had sadly grown cold. Colin didn’t seem to mind as he devoured everything in sight, prompting Violet to chastise him softly. You, however, ate small bites because the pregnancy had caused your stomach to be upset easily and you didn’t wish to offend anyone by running out of the room to empty your stomach. Anthony watched you eat and held your hand atop the table, smiling as he watched you laugh and converse with his family.

“Is the food not good enough?” Asked Violet seeing your plate almost full.

“It is just perfect, my stomach has just been iffy since the start of the pregnancy” you answered smiling apologetically, Anthony choked on his wine because he realized at that very moment that he had forgotten to tell his family about your condition.

“You’re with child? Those are wonderful news!” Exclaimed Violet with a large smile “When did you found out?”

“Four months ago” you turned to glare at Anthony “I assumed your son had told you”

“How could you conceal such joyous information from your mother?” Violet then noticed her eldest daughter had become quiet, as well as her husband “Did you know, Daphne?”

“I was aware of it, yes” Daphne admitted ashamed “I too assumed Anthony had told you”

“You assumed my eldest son had told me about his wife’s pregnancy and I had decided not to mention any of it in our letters?”

“I-I’m, yes?” Benedict and Colin snorted with laughter hearing their sister’s answer.

Violet only shook her head with a small smile, her children were truly a wonder. Anthony was nervous that you’d get mad at him for not telling them, but one look at your laughing face told him he didn’t need to worry.

Later that evening you both laid in bed after yet another passion-filled encounter, your breathing slow and even making Anthony think you were asleep. He was caressing your naked back with feather-like touches, kissing your sweaty forehead every few minutes.

“I love you” you sighed, kissing his chest “You need not feel the same, I just want you to know how I feel”

He took a shaky breath before answering.

“I also am in love with you, darling” he placed a finger under your chin and tilted your head so you’d look at him “sometimes I’m scared of just how much I love you” he kissed you slow and deep, pouring all his love into the action.

The kiss was unlike any other you had shared before, this one was full of promise and hope. It filled you with love and certainty, you were now sure that no matter how difficult the road to Anthony’s heart had been, even if you didn’t want it at first, it had all been worth it.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Hi! Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. If you like it let me know.

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@alaizaaa02

@awesomebooklover17

[flosbelova]

I’ll Always Protect You

florence pugh x fem!reader

warnings: mention of death threats.

word count: 1.7k

summary: you and florence had been dating for a while. when she posts you on her Instagram, you receive a bunch of hate comments and florence defends you and your relationship.

request from @the-loving-quotes​

Dating Florence Pugh has been one of the greatest decisions you have ever made in your life. You both have managed to keep your relationship lowkey until she randomly posts you on her Instagram. It was a photo of you looking at this mountain view at sunset from the balcony. She captioned it “My happy place.” 

Your heart started to race as soon as you saw a photo of yourself on her Instagram-- and the fact that she tagged you almost made you pass out.

You looked through her comments and let’s just say most of it wasn't what you would have expected. Some were positive-- for example, there were comments that read:

“OH MY GOSH IT CONFIRMED! I'M SO HAPPY”

“I’m so proud of you <3”

“You guys are the absolute cutest!”

Then, there were comments that weren’t so positive. It was a mixture of homophobic comments and comments that said “Florence deserves better.”

Of course, they hurt, but you didn’t mind at first and chose to focus on the more positive comments. 

-

A couple days pass and you also decide to post Florence on your Instagram. As you hit “post,” your phone instantly started buzzing with notifications. Again, the comments were all a mixture of the positives and the negatives. However, you wanted to focus on the positive side and ignored the comments.

-

You posted Florence on your Instagram story, and you received a lot of DM’s. Although you don’t open your DM’s, you decided to check just for the hell of it. As soon as you swiped to your message requests, you instantly regretted swiping. 

“Kill yourself. You don’t deserve Florence.”

Tears started to well up in your eyes, but you quickly wiped them away when you heard Florence come into the living room.

“Dinner’s ready, darling,” she says, holding a wooden spoon.

“Hm? Oh, right. I’ll be there in a sec,” you respond.

“Is everything alright, love?” she walks towards you with a concerned look on her face.

You take a deep breath. “Yes, everything’s fine.” You clench your jaw hoping Florence would drop the subject.

She pouts and looks at you with worry. Florence knows every little detail about you. She knows that nothing is ever “fine,” when it follows with you clenching your jaw. However, Florence doesn’t like to overstep on your boundaries, so she drops the subject and figures she’ll ask you later. 

“Alright, love. C’mon, let's eat. I’ve made your favorite,” she says, giving you a soft smile.

-

You loved Florence’s cooking and you always made sure to compliment her dishes whenever she cooked. However, tonight was quiet. The two of you sat in silence, quietly eating your dinner. 

You were grateful that Florence knew to get off your back whenever you were in a mood. That’s one of the things that you appreciated most about her, her ability to understand your emotions and how you cope with them. 

You knew that she would eventually ask you what happened as you have both communicated that suffering in silence wasn’t healthy.

You finished dinner early and asked yourself to be excused. You headed to bed as soon as you finished your meal. Florence stayed in the kitchen to tidy up and to give you some more space.

-

Laying on your side, you couldn’t help but to grab your phone and scroll through your notifications. As hurt as you were already, you were too stubborn to gain some self-control. As terrible as that message was, your comment section got even worse. Not only was it filled with homophobic comments, but you were also getting sent death threats. You had checked Florence’s account and pressed on your photo. You noticed that she turned off the comments.

You felt the bed behind you dip as an arm wrapped around your torso.

“Hi,” Florence whispers, and she rests her chin on your shoulder.

“Hi,” you weakly respond. You sigh as you turn your phone off and place it on the bedside table. You turn around in Florence’s arm and face her.

Florence gave you a worried smile and she wiped the tears on your face. You were so busy scrolling through the hate comments that you hadn’t noticed that tears were falling from your eyes.

“Oh, my love.” Florence places a gentle kiss on your forehead. She then looks at you with worry in her eyes. Florence couldn’t imagine what was going through your mind.

“I know you saw the comments,” she begins, “I saw them too. As soon as I saw the hate comments, I immediately turned them off.”

You sniffled and took a deep breath. “I got death threats,” you say, your voice breaking.

“What?” Florence says, appalled. Florence could feel her heart race and feel herself be filled with rage.

“That’s it, I’m making a post, this is unbelievable,” Florence says getting up to get her phone.

“No, please, you don’t have to,” you plead, “it’ll only make things worse.”

“No it won’t, Y/n, I promise you,” Florence says, already typing in her notes.

“You can’t promise me something that you have no control over,” you say coldly.

Florence pauses. She looks over at you, takes a deep breath and pouts. She stares at you for a while, studying your face. Florence is the type of person to defend the people she loves and doesn’t care if it will give her a bad rep. You just so happen to be one of the people that Florence loves, and she will do whatever it takes to defend you and her love for you.

“It doesn’t matter, what matters is that someone I love is being sent death threats, so please, let me say something,” she says, reaching for your hand.

“I really don’t deserve you,” you sigh.

“You do Y/n, you deserve every bit of me as much as I deserve every bit of you,” Florence says, caressing your cheek. 

-

A few days passed and Florence posted a video on her Instagram regarding the hate you had been receiving. 

“To my “fans,” who have sent a tremendous amount of hate to my girlfriend, Y/n, kindly unfollow me. I do not need your negativity towards my relationship with her. The hate you throw at her is hate you throw at me. The death threats you throw at her, are also death threats you throw at me. It is not your place to tell me who I should and should not love, nor is it any of your business. I do not appreciate the comments you have thrown at her. She does not deserve it, and nor do I. I am happy with Y/n. She makes me a better person. So please, leave my relationship alone and stop sending my girlfriend death threats. I will not ask again.”

After watching the video, you were in shock. Even if you had talked about it a couple days prior, you still didn’t expect that she would actually post it. Florence kept the comments on and fortunately, it was filled with massive support from other celebrities. You were grateful.

-

Florence had an interview with Jimmy Kimmel this week to discuss her recent and future projects. Of course, her video regarding your relationship was a topic of discussion. You stayed backstage and watched Florence’s interview from her dressing room.

“Okay, I think everyone here has seen the video that you had recently posted regarding your relationship,” Jimmy says.

“Yeah, I hope so,” Florence chuckles nervously.

“So tell me, if you’re comfortable, why you had said what you needed to say?” he asks.

“Did you watch the video?” Florence says sarcastically, earning a couple laughs from the crowd. “Um, I figured that I needed to. I mean my girlfriend was getting sent death threats for no apparent reason and it needed to stop.” This earned Florence a clap from the audience.

“That’s fair. God, the internet is so toxic, isn’t it?” Jimmy complains.

“Yeah,” Florence agreed. “Y/n and I had been dating for a while now and we’d managed to keep it lowkey. I just thought that when I’d finally posted her that I wouldn’t receive such horrid comments. Which is why I felt the need to address this because I hate seeing the people I love get hurt.”

A couple people from the crowd “Awwed”

“So, tell me what it is about Y/n that just makes you so in love with her?” Jimmy asked curiously.

Florence smiled as she thought about the things that she loved most about you. “Her smile was something that caught my eyes right off the bat. She has such a kind smile and I would do everything just to keep her smiling.”

The crowd “Awwed” again.

“Also, Y/n is so loving. She won’t admit it because she likes to be that “tough” person on the outside, but inside she’s a big softie. She gives the best cuddles. I also love how she makes me tea every time I come home from filming.”

“Aww, that must be nice. I think we all need a Y/n in our life, right?” Jimmy says.

The camera pans to the crowd who was cheering and nodding their heads.

“Well, too bad, Y/n is only one person and I’m the lucky girl who has her,” Florence says wittily. 

The crowd laughed and clapped.

“Alright, well it was lovely having you, Florence,” Jimmy says, shaking Florence’s hand. “And that’s all for tonight, we’ll see you tomorrow!”

-

On the ride home, you rested your head on Florence’s shoulders.

“You really had to call me out, didn’t you?” you ask.

“Yeah, maybe just a little,” Florence says, making a gesture.

You chuckle and look at her. “Did I ever tell you that you are the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid my eyes on?”

“Yes, Y/n, you tell me everyday,” she says, grabbing your cheek.

You smile and close the gap between you. Florence melts into the kiss and moves her hand to the back of your head, running her hands through your hair. You pull away to catch some air and Florence rests her forehead against yours.

“I love you, Flo. Thank you for everything.”

“I love you too Y/n. and don’t thank me, you know I’ll always protect you.”

The End

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Wishmaker

Goddamn it... 

It's bad enough Astruc tastelessly axed Lukanette, but now he just had to show up to give a sarcastic eulogy at the funeral.

Let's get into the fourteenth (chronologically the eighteenth) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Wishmaker

Right out of the gate, we get a “Chloe bad” joke with her insulting Marinette for being poor or whatever as she hands out flyers for an upcoming career fair. Chloe doesn't have much of a role in the episode, but she will be important towards the end, trust me. We also get a funny “Marinette stares lovingly at Adrien” joke while she sees him, so it's good the writers are at least trying to get their strange habits out of their systems now instead of later.

While reading over the flyer in his room, Adrien ponders a possible career as he doesn't want to keep being a model.

(The episode came out in English first, so I'm just going to be using quotes instead of screenshots of subbed scenes for this review)

Plagg: Don't you wanna continue to model?

Adrien: I don't think so, Plagg. I'm doing it now because my father asked me to. But now I realize I don't know what I'd want to do. I've never asked myself that question.

This is a really interesting dilemma for Adrien. Unlike other episodes that just have him feel sad for entirely superfluous reasons like Ladybug turning him down or generally moping about his mom, it feels like something you can really understand. He genuinely isn't sure what he wants to do with his life because he's had everything chosen for him before. I also like the use of the English dub saying Adrien modeled because his father asked him to, as if he couldn't actually say no. I also like how Adrien is still starting to lose faith in Ladybug for giving out Miraculous to everyone, which makes even more sense after his view of her was shaken in the previous episode chronologically, “Rocketear”. I also like how Plagg suggests ideas for a career for Adrien, like the two of them opening up a cheese shop together, which shows how Plagg cares for Adrien and wants what's best for him, ultimately highlighting how healthy their relationship is. He's almost like a big brother who gives advice to Adrien, even if it isn't the most sound advice at times.

On the other hand, Marinette already knows what she wants to do with her life, but the Kwamis start to argue over what she actually means by it by saying they know what she wants to do, a painfully accurate metaphor for the writers dictating Marinette's actions no matter how inconsistent they are.

Pollen: What's a career, dear Guardian?

Marinette: Oh. Well, it's... your job! Something really important that you do and gives meaning to your life!

Roaar: Oh! So, your job is being the Guardian of the Miraculous!

Mullo: Of course not! It's being a student!

Xuppu: Not at all! It's making presents for Adrien!

Marinette:Well...

Longg: She said “something important”, like when she crafted the big doll house to hide the Miracle Box!

Wayzz: Or when she designed the alarm for this room! What a masterpiece!

Marinette: Sure, I love crafting but—

Ziggy: You guys don't get it! What gives meaning to her life is to be in love with Adrien, or Luka, that's her job!

Fluff: Luka's the one with the guitar, right?

Kaalki: Her real career is being Ladybug and carve her name in history by her glorious deeds, of course!

Of course, their bickering somehow makes Marinette realize she isn't sure what she wants to do in the future after all.

We then cut to a reality show hosted by TV personality, Alec Cataldi. He's generally an asshole to the people on the shows he hosts and takes pleasure in humiliating or just being a dick to them, making you wonder how he still gets work with that attitude. Basically, he's the Alec Baldwin of the Miraculous Ladybug universe. The current show he's hosting is one where he roasts people for their jobs, making Andre a target by pointing how counterproductive his “business” is.

Alec: Here's a perfect example: Andre, the Ice Cream Maker, the ice cream man that is never around! Let me remind you how this goes: Andre doesn't have a shop, no one knows where he is, it takes forever to find him, and he gets to pick a flavor of your ice cream! You've gotta be kidding, Andre! Give me one reason why I should bother to chase after you when I could get my choice of ice cream in any corner supermarket!

Andre: Well, people don't just come for ice cream when they find me. They come to share their love and experience of magical moments! A supermarket cannot do what I do! I am a creator of magical moments!

Alec: “Creator of magical moments?” You've gotta be kidding!

I'm pretty sure that's what a lot of people thought of Andre when they first saw “Glaciator”. The idea behind Andre is that he chooses ice cream for you representing something about yourself, so he gives Alec a scoop of lime to represent his sour exterior and chocolate cinnamon to represent the dreams he still has within. Alec flinches a little at the ice cream, presumably because of how terrible of a combination that is, and decides to go to commercial to think.

Marinette talks to Andre about what he does, and he explains he used to be an office worker, with the only highlight of his days being making ice cream for himself after work. It eventually inspired him to quit his job and start making ice cream for everyone. It's a nice backstory, and I think a lot of people watching who are struggling to think about their future can relate to this like with the earlier scene with Adrien. It's also a nice touch for the flashbacks to reveal Andre has served ice cream to some of France's most famous couples.

(Jean Coutau and Jean Marais)

(Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin)

(Marion Cotillard and Guillaume Canet)

Granted, I'm wondering how old Andre is to have even met some of these people given Jean Cocteau died in 1963, but seeing how Master Fu is 186, I'm guessing the Miraculous Ladybug universe just has really good healthcare. Either that, or the people in this universe take Jay Kordich's diet very seriously.

Andre gives some ice cream to Marinette, who is soon joined by her ex-boyfriend who she never loved according to the writers. Actually, judging from her face when Luka talks about the very first guitar he made, the writers made another 180 regarding Marinette's feelings for Luka.

Of course, because the show wants to remind the audience Alec still exists, he makes fun of Luka for taking two years to perfect the delicate craftsmanship it takes to sculpt any instrument when you can just download an app on your phone. Your inner boomer is showing, writers, even if you were born after the time period for that generation. Luka retorts with some vague philosophical line he's known for that's one of the reasons why people are so mixed on him as a character

Luka: Musical instruments fill the space and space fills the instruments. No phone in the world will ever be able to do that.

Despite it being incredibly confusing, it gets to Alec, causing him to run off in tears. Luka and Marinette continue to talk, but it turns out that's Adrien decided to sit down nearby because of course he did. Though, like the last scene, it's a pretty interesting one as the three discuss what they want to do with their lives. There's also a really nice visual of a blimp with an ad Adrien was in passing by while Adrien talks about his father dictating his life, a really nice symbol. Of course, the scene is somewhat ruined by Luka suddenly deciding to be an Adrienette shipper.

Luka: You two will eventually find what's already in front of you, but you can't hear it clearly. Just let the melody flow.

He's referring to their uncertainty of their futures, but earlier on, Luka wanted to help Marinette be honest with her feelings about Adrien, and even before that, Andre was saying that Marinette and Luka didn't have to be in love to enjoy his magic ice cream. It's here when I realized this episode is subtly trying to end any chances of Lukanette still happening with so many little details. Right when the two spend time together, that's when they decided to help Adrien who showed up for no reason, preventing them from potentially coming to terms with their feelings for each other or at the very least discuss how hard it is to be friends with their history. And things only get more frustrating towards the end, where you'd swear someone decided to smother Lukanette with a pillow in its sleep.

Back to Alec, he's roasting a wig salesman (does he even have permission to film any of these people?) for his job, but as soon as the salesman puts a wig on him, Alec immediately gives us his life story.

Alec: When I was a kid, I used to have long hair, but everyone made fun of me. That's why I shaved it all off. I've been making the wrong choices my whole life. My TV shows are nothing personal. I make fun of people when they make fun of me when I was a kid. (Starts to tear up) I should've been the person I always wanted to be, trying to change the world instead of mocking it! (Falls on his knees) I've wasted my life!

I didn't paraphrase this at all. This is seriously what happened. He goes from mocking everyone he meets, to slightly doubting himself after seeing an ice cream vendor and a young musician, and then he starts having an existential crisis about his tragic backstory. It's not a bad idea, but if there was some more buildup in previous episodes, I'd understand. But this goes from confusing to straight out insulting towards the end. I'll get to that later on.

Shadowmoth notices Alec's emotions and akumatizes him into Wishmaker through his microphone.

Wishmaker has a pretty cool design. The grey skin color coupled with the mostly black outfit really highlights Alec's broken heart, and he looks pretty sinister. His powers... leave a lot to be desired.  Like the name states, Wishmaker has the power to make everyone's childhood dreams come true, like this one guy's dream is to be Santa Claus, so he transforms into Saint Nick without any hitch. Wouldn't it make more sense if Wishmaker twisted the dreams of his victims like a genie and made them miserable while they ironically lived out their fantasies by twisting around their words? Instead, all of his “victims” seem pretty happy, which doesn't really do much to make him a threat in my opinion.

So the aforementioned Santa starts dropping presents like bombs near Marinette, Adrien, and Luka, and they're separated by a giant robot. Marinette quickly transforms into Ladybug, and gets Luka to safety, though as soon as she leaves, Luka goes to check on where he told Marinette to stay for safety, and doesn't see her there. Instead, he sees his deadbeat father (transformed into a crocodile) drowning and goes to save him.

Ladybug meets up with Cat Noir (who transformed off-screen) and the two easily incapacitate the robot before engaging Wishmaker, avoiding his blasts. Apparently, they'll get their secret identities revealed if they get hit, so Ladybug goes to get Luka to help out as Viperion while Cat Noir holds off Wishmaker. Ladybug goes to get Luka, leading to the funniest joke in the episode.

She gives Luka the Snake Miraculous and he transforms into Viperion, immediately activating his Second Chance. For newcomers, Second Chance allows the user to set a point in time when activating it and if something goes wrong, they can go back to that checkpoint in up to five minutes. Ladybug also summons her Lucky Charm, a stuffed dinosaur toy.

Back with Cat Noir, as he engages Wishmaker, the Akuma starts to tempt him with the idea of living out his childhood dream, because he genuinely doesn't remember his. As Shadowmoth orders Wishmaker to use his powers on Cat Noir, Ladybug and Viperion show up, but in the chaos of the fight, Ladybug gets hit by Wishmaker, revealing her childhood dream as the “Knitting Fairy”, and exposes her identity to Viperion, who uses Second Chance to undo the timeline.

In the new timeline, Cat Noir's vulnerability gets to him, so he willingly lets himself get his by Wishmaker, not only exposing his identity as Adrien, but tragically reveals his childhood dream, to be whatever his parents wanted him to be. I feel like this works a lot better than some of the other moments where Cat Noir defied orders or screwed around on the battlefield because it's clearly framed as a moment of weakness on his part, and it was naturally built up over the course of the episode. The reveal of Adrien's childhood dream is a real gut punch too, as it shows just how much Adrien's life has been controlled by his family.

In the third timeline, Viperon deflects Wishmaker's blast meant for Cat Noir and redirects it toward a man whose childhood dream was to become a giant stuffed dinosaur. The stuffed dinosaur in question goes to give Wishmaker a hug, restraining him long enough for Ladybug to steal for Cat Noir to cataclysm (It's a microphone, how hard is it to break???) before she de-evilizes the Akuma. Ladybug uses Miraculous Ladybug to force everyone to stop living out their childhood dreams, she gives Alec a Magical Charm, and Luka decides not to tell Ladybug he knows both her and Cat Noir's secret identities. Why did Ladybug expect Luka not to know her identity when the whole reason she recruited him was to make sure nobody else found out her identity?

Now, while it isn't outright said, it's hinted at that now that Luka knows Marinette is Ladybug and Adrien is Cat Noir, judging from his dejected look after finding out the latter, he may be giving up on all attempts at the idea of getting back together with Marinette, and may or may not start shipping the Love Square now, just like how Kagami decided to ship Adrienette in “Mr. Pigeon 72”. I'm not saying the idea of Luka knowing someone's identity is bad, but it feels like this only happened specifically to stop him from having feelings for Marinette because now he knows Adrien loves her alter ego, and vice versa. Maybe it'll be touched upon in a later episode, but this was just a dick move by the writers in terms of ending all chances of Lukanette like this in order to ensure the Love Square has absolutely no competition.

So the episode ends with Marinette and Adrien deciding to focus on their futures while Alec starts a new show where he helps people live out their childhood dreams, albeit dressed like Style Queen for some reason.

Eh, he still picked a pretty cool Akuma to dress up as in my opinion. A lot of people have viewed this ending as evidence Alec is a drag queen with how he dressed up, coupled with the fact that he said something that was very similar to famous drag queen RuPaul.

Alec: And now, we're gonna love one another, starting with everyone loving themselves! Because how are you gonna love other people if you don't love yourself?

Though Astruc, being Astruc, once again decided to be vague when asked about the subject on Twitter, though at least the subtext is better than when he said he didn't make Juleka and Rose girlfriends because of censors while making it seem like a noble act.

Overall, this was a really good episode, though there were some underlying issues that really kept me from actually liking it. For the most part, it had some good drama with the main character, a rare scene where Marinette didn't stammer around Adrien, a creative (albeit flawed) Akuma with some good action, and an interesting idea with Luka knowing everything about the Love Square now.

There are just two big problems that really got to me about this episode. Let's get the obvious one out of the way, Luka. Honestly, he really didn't need to be in the episode. Sure, he gave some sound advice to Marinette and Adrien about their careers, but it felt kind of strange to see someone their age talking to them about their future when Andre, someone who actually had experience struggling to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, was pushed to the side. And like I said earlier, I think the only reason Luka found out about Marinette and Adrien's identities was to discourage him from thinking about getting back together with Marinette. After all, now that he realizes how “made for each other” they are, he can't stand in the way of the Love Square.

The problem is that in the context of the episode, we don't really see what made him see things that way. At least in “Mr. Pigeon 72”, Kagami consistently viewed Marinette's attempts to get her and Adrien back together as a subconscious desire to be with Adrien. It was dumb with how she decided to go to Team Adrienette at the end of the episode, but it was something. I'm glad the episode didn't force in too many Love Square shenanigans, but I think more should have been done to contextualize Luka's feelings towards the reveal. I get the writers wanted to make sure Lukanette had no chance of coming back, but this just feels rushed.

And then there's Alec's redemption arc. While it's not a bad idea in concept, the problem is that it flies in the fact of a recurring theme this season, that being redemption. Because, here's the funny thing: Alec blatantly said he became an asshole TV personality because of his history of bullying, and decided to retaliate as a result, but he eventually saw the error of his ways and turned over a new leaf. For long time readers of this blog, I apologize for bringing this up yet again, but what exactly makes this different from everything Astruc said about Chloe? You know, when he said that you make your formative choices when you're fourteen? Just like how Alec decided to become a reality TV host making fun of people after a troubling experience from when he was a kid?

Let's say that I agree with Astruc's views about Chloe. How is Alec different from what Astruc's said about Chloe for almost two years at this point? What makes Chloe, someone who was the victim of a troubled childhood who never got help, an irredeemable monster while Alec, someone who also had a troubled childhood and had even more time to get help while never getting any, capable of change? I thought he Alec made a formative choice when he was young and stuck with it, just like how Chloe started to fully develop at the age of fourteen. I mean, Astruc, you yourself said that Chloe's troubled childhood “was no excuse to treat people like shit”, according to you.

I'm just saying, dude, if Chloe can't be redeemed because of the stuff you yourself said, then that shouldn't apply to Alec either. When you really think about it, it's almost like Astruc either made up a bunch of excuses to not redeem Chloe, or he's a massive hypocrite for going back on his word. You can't really justify this kind of hypocrisy relating to Alec's redemption when you remember just how much of a hardass Astruc was when explaining why redemption was impossible for Chloe.

This coupled with the treatment of Luka really drags this episode from really good to blatantly insulting to certain viewers. Then again, these two choices just got to me personally. I feel like if those two things weren't there, things could have made this episode a lot better for me personally. I can see why a lot of people in the fandom still like this episode, but I'm honestly not a fan of it.

[blu-joons]

DATING TXT A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Choi Yeonjun

A ⇴ AFFECTION

Yeonjun loved to tease you with his affection, pushing boundaries was very much a favourite habit of his. His hands would often wonder when he was around you, he couldn’t help himself but try and see where his affection could take him.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING

You already worked at the company before TXT came together, and so the two of you struck up a professional relationship from the start. You always took great care of Yeonjun as a member of staff, but that didn’t stop him always trying to be a little more friendly with you and try to get you know better than the other members of staff.

C ⇴ CONFESSION

After debut and the group took off, Yeonjun was able to settle a lot more. With that, he couldn’t help but find himself desperate to confess to you as you started working with other rookie groups, having less contact with him. One evening he surprised you at the company, desperate to tell you how he felt about you before he lost the chance. You were shocked, naturally, but there was no way you could ever turn Yeonjun down.

D ⇴ DATES

He loved to get quite competitive on dates and make sure that he could show off to you. You’d spend a lot of dates at sports complex or arcades where Yeonjun could show off his strength, but the one thing he loved to do more than anything else was try and teach you to skateboard. Admittedly, you were terrible, but you knew that it was something that Yeonjun was passionate about, and whilst you were yet to take two feet off the ground without him holding firmly onto you, it was only a matter of time before you’d get the hang of things.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE

Having never dated before, there was definitely a moment of apprehensiveness as far as Yeonjun was concerned. He knew as the eldest member he had a bit of an example to set for the other members, and a lot to follow up as the next generation to BTS. However, with your knowledge of the company already, he was confident that a relationship was something that the two of you could enter and make sure that neither of you got hurt. He was always going to protect you, even ahead of work, Yeonjun knew what he wanted in life, and was firmly set on making sure he got everything that he wanted without a bother.

F ⇴ FIGHTING

Whenever the two of you fought, Yeonjun couldn’t help but get quite emotional. You quickly picked up on the fact that he wore his heart on his sleeve a lot, and when he had something to say, he couldn’t help but pour his heart out to you. The frustrations that would trigger an argument between you both would very quickly turn into sadness and hurt that the two of you could speak so harshly to each other and say so much that neither of you ever meant. It didn’t take long for one of you to crack, usually Yeonjun, both soon figuring how pointless an argument was over whatever had caused it, and how much easier it was to just talk.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY

You ended up meeting Yeonjun’s family before you started dating whilst you worked at the company, and so they couldn’t have been happier knowing that Yeonjun had chosen to start dating you too. They trusted you, and knew you understood the company and his line of work, and so he’d definitely be happy with you too.

H ⇴ HOME

Being at the dorm was something you loved, especially with Yeonjun having his own room. The boys loved having you around, which was most definitely a bonus for you. The two of you were still young, and neither of you were willing to rush into getting your own home together when your careers were still your focuses.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”

Yeonjun was the first one to say, ‘I love you,’ suddenly on a date night. He’d taken you bowling, and you were losing, by a lot. As you hit the gutter yet again and spun around with a pout, you sent Yeonjun weak at the knees. Before he’d even thought about his words, a reminder to smile and a quick ‘I love you,’ had been muttered, surprising you greatly.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

He would definitely be the type of person to hide any jealous feelings that he had, but again, he wears his heart on his sleeve a lot when he finds himself getting emotional, and so it wouldn’t take long for you to pick up on how he was feeling, no matter how hard he tried to hide it around you. You’d often notice that he’d get a little quieter and his cheeks would begin to flush as he tried to hold himself together. He’d deny ever feeling jealous around anyone until eventually you managed to push him into admitting how he felt.

K ⇴ KIDS

The two of you very quickly agreed that you were far too young for children, and that for the foreseeable future you saw yourselves working hard on your careers instead. Yeonjun still had so many ambitions for TXT, and you were making your way up the ladder at Big Hit. You knew there would be time for the two of you to start a family someday, but you had plenty of goals you wanted to achieve before that time came.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER

You loved seeing Yeonjun happy, that was always the most important thing to you. His smile was definitely something that drew you to him, even before the two of you started dating, and even more so since. You knew that he felt the pressure a lot, and there were times when he’d come home with the smile very distant from his face, and so you’d make it your mission to make sure that you found a way to make him smile again. You hated how hard he was on himself, almost as if he wouldn’t allow himself to smile at times, but after a short while with you, he couldn’t help but find himself smiling once again.

M ⇴ MISSING

Being the eldest, he definitely felt a responsibility when it came to missing you. He would try incredibly hard to shrug off any feeling of missing you, but when times were tough, even the mention of your name was enough to make him incredibly emotional. Yeonjun would try and keep things together, but usually after a chat with Soobin, he’d reach his breaking point. It was as if he was a ticking time bomb when it came to missing you, once the tears finally started, it would take a long time for them to stop. Especially, when he called you. You knew each time you hung up the phone that he was going to spend a little while to himself to try and hold it together.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES

You often found yourself calling him ‘junnie.’ It began as a bit of tease when you first met him, however as things changed between you, your jokey nickname for him was something that ended up sticking around.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

He was obsessed with your smile, almost as much as you were with his. He loved to see you happy, just as you always did with him too.

P ⇴ PDA

Yeonjun wasn’t afraid of being affectionate with you in public, but it would always be very subtle. People could often be forgiven for not even realising that the two of you were a couple because you were so conscious of being affectionate and making sure that you didn’t stir up any trouble for yourselves.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

He would often ask if you were tired whenever you tried to stay up with him. With a yawn, you’d assure him that you were alright, but as soon as your head rested against his shoulder, you’d be out like a light and proving him right.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

You learnt very quickly that Yeonjun was incredibly chaotic and messy, with meant his room in the dorm was often a tip too. You’d always end up tidying around him and ended up buying him plenty of storage boxes and units so that he could try and keep his mess neat too. Although he’d never use them, and instead throw things on the floor, the thought that you put into sorting them for him meant a great deal to him.  

S ⇴ SEX

Every time the two of you were intimate, Yeonjun made sure to treat you as if you were the most delicate thing on earth. Yeonjun prided himself on being a gentleman, especially in the bedroom, always making sure that you were comfortable and satisfied. He never put himself first, he’d always take care of you first and listen to your body closely, picking up on all the hints you gave him as to what you wanted from him.

T ⇴ TEXTS

Throughout the day you’d often get random messages from Yeonjun, usually seeing what you were up to. He loved hearing how your day was going and making sure you were looking forward to seeing him that evening.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE

You were very much a best friend to Yeonjun, and a huge support from the very start of his career. Even before things took off, you were the first one in line to cheer him on, both professionally, but as a partner too.

V ⇴ VACATION

Stories of San Jose had kept you entertained for hours, and so when the opportunity arrived to take a week away from work, there was only ever going to be one place that Yeonjun would take you. He wanted to be able to show you the places where his memories had been made rather than constantly just tell you about them instead.

W ⇴ WHINING

He tended not to whine too much, he appreciated more than anyone when you were busy and was happy to wait around until you had some time free for him.

X ⇴ XXXXX

Whenever Yeonjun was around you, it was very much an instinct to hold onto you and usually press a kiss against your cheek or the nape of your neck. When you were around other people, it was a small gesture he could give to you without having to create a huge fuss about your relationship or make other people uncomfortable. In the comfort of your own home though, he was always more than happy to tease you and push all of the boundaries possible.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were his biggest fan, supporting him in every single thing that he did.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

Yeonjun never slept, a quality about him that you never understood. You’d usually end up having to drag him to bed to make sure that he rested for whatever schedule it was that he had planned for the very next day.

---

Masterlist

[jackoshadows]

what i don’t understand is sansa stans who insist that she learnt from the best (cersei ans littlefinger) and so she’ll be an amazing ruler and player. first of all, when did she learn about the game from cersei? she was a hostage in kings landing, she wasn’t sitting in on small council meetings or anything and cersei definitely wasn’t telling her about all the moves she was making. the only time cersei really gives her ‘advice’ is during blackwater when she says that ‘tears/sex is a woman’s weapon’. regardless, cersei isn’t someone you want to be taught from, she makes terrible decision after terrible decision in affc. (since we’re on this topic, dany is the younger and more beautiful queen who foils cersei).

as for littlefinger, he’s definitely not a leader or ruler. he subtly manipulates things here and there and gets away with a lot of it because he stays under the radar. he’s not someone who inspires devotion for sure. nothing about the vale arc in affc puts sansa in an actual leadership position.

I agree it's best that no one learns how to be a ruler from Cersei Lannister, considering how much she messes up in AFfC.

And yes, it’s my opinion that Sansa's arc is leading towards outwitting Littlefinger and understanding how to play the game rather than ruling. And with two books left to go, she still has a lot of learning to do and being able to process the information available to her, analyze it and connect the dots and use the data to her advantage.

I just finished my ADwD and TWoW sample chapter re-reads so a rather long essay under the cut.

Sansa did acknowledge early on that unlike Cersei, if she were to become queen, she would prioritize getting the people's love over their fear - like the Tyrells did. But unlike the majority opinion of fandom, I think that this points to Sansa giving more importance to PR than to actual ruling. That it was better to be a loved monarch than a feared one.

It’s funny that Sansa stans often point the finger at Dany as being narcissistic, entitled and arrogant, when the few comments that Sansa makes about being queen revolve around her.

“Go ahead, call me all the names you want,” Sansa said airily. “You won’t dare when I’m married to Joffrey. You’ll have to bow to me and call me Your Grace. ” - Sansa, AGoT

“ If I am ever a queen, I'll make them love me.”  - Sansa, ACoK

Compare her quotes to those of current leaders/rulers in the books:

A good lord protects his people, he reminded himself. - Bran, ACoK

“Why do the gods make kings and queens, if not to protect the ones who can’t protect themselves?“ - Daenerys, ASoS

“And I know that a king protects his people, or he is no king at all.” Davos, ASoS

I was trying to win the throne to save the kingdom, when I should have been trying to save the kingdom to win the throne."  - Stannis, ASoS

“I am the shield that guards the realms of men. Those are the words. So tell me, my lord— what are these wildlings, if not men?”  - Jon Snow, ADwD

The other leaders in the quotes are putting the people first, prioritizing the people’s needs first no matter how much it affects the rulers themselves. Jon’s decision to let the Wildlings through the wall is necessary, but highly unpopular among his men. And ruling is more than just being beloved by the people -

"Allow me to give my lord one last piece of counsel,” the old man had said, “the same council that I one gave my brother when we parted for the last time. He was three-and-thirty when the Great Council chose him to mount the Iron Throne. A man grown with sons of his own, yet in some ways still a boy. Egg had an innocence to him, a sweetness we all loved. Kill the boy within you, I told him the day I took the ship for the Wall. It takes a man to rule. An Aegon, not an Egg. Kill boy and let the man be born.” The old man felt Jon’s face. “You are half the age that Egg was, and your own burden is a crueler one, I fear. You will have little joy of your command, but I think you have the strength in you to do the things that must be done. Kill the boy, Jon Snow. Winter is almost upon us. Kill the boy and let the man be born.” - Jon Snow, ADwD

This is the hard part of ruling be it in the middle ages or now. It’s not enough to be a good man to be an effective ruler. It’s complicated and it’s hard.  How do I resolve this thing? Do I do the moral thing? But what about  the political consequences of the moral thing? Do I do the pragmatic, cynical thing and kind of screw the people who are screwed by it? I mean, it is HARD. - GRRM

In this context, Sansa’s quote about being queen comes off as naive, ignorant, fairy taleish, like the queens in her stories - where everyone loves the queens and that’s all that’s necessary to be one.

It’s easy for Sansa stans to nitpick and criticize each and every one of Dany’s decisions and then praise future best queen Sansa - who has done absolutely nothing as a leader and has instead thus far served as an uncritical narrator to events around her. We don’t know what kind of leader Sansa would be because she has never been put in those situations or even shown an aptitude for strategic thinking.

Let me use an example I came across while recently re-reading ADwD and TWoW sample chapters. TWoW spoilers - if you don’t want to be spoiled on TWoW, please read no further.

-------------------------------------------------------

In ADwD, Jon is confronted with food shortage if they let the Wildlings through the wall:

“If we had sufficient coin, we could buy food from the south and bring it in by ship,” the Lord Steward said. We could, thought Jon, if we had the gold, and someone willing to sell us food. Both of those were lacking. Our best hope may be the Eyrie. The Vale of Arryn was famously fertile and had gone untouched during the fighting. - Jon Snow, ADwD

I have already written extensively on Jon’s political know-how of the North and using it in his strategizing and planning of Stannis’ campaign. But here we see that his knowledge extends to the south, where, knowing that the Vale stayed neutral during the WOT5K and it’s geography of being fertile, he sees it as a possible source to buy food for the Wall.

Now let’s go to the Vale in book 6, TWoW, Alayne’s sample chapter. After being called a bastard by Harry the Heir, a hurt Sansa goes looking for Littlefinger and chances upon a scheme of price gouging:

Near the bottom, she heard Lord  Grafton’s booming voice, and followed.

“The  merchants are clamoring to buy and the lords are clamoring to sell,”  the Gulltowner was saying when she found them. Though not a tall man, Grafton was wide, with thick arms and shoulders.  His hair was a dirty blond mop.  “How am I to stop that, my lord?”

“Post guardsmen on the docks. If need be, seize the ships. How does not matter, so long as no food leaves the Vale”

“These prices, though,” protested fat Lord Belmore,” 

“These prices are more than fair. Wait. If need be, buy the food yourself and keep it stored. Winter is coming. Prices must go higher.”

“Perhaps,”  said Belmore, doubtfully. “Bronze Yohn will not wait, ” Grafton complained. “He need not ship through Gulltown, he has his own ports. Whilst we are hoarding our harvest, Royce and the other Lords Declarant will turn theirs into silver, you may be sure of that.”

“Let  us hope so,”  said Petyr. “When their granaries are empty, they will  need every scrap of that silver to buy sustenance from us. And now if  you will excuse me, my lord, it would seem my daughter has need of me.”

“Lady Alayne,” Lord Grafton said. “You look bright-eyed this morning.” ” You  are kind to say so, my lord. Father, I am sorry to disturb you, but I  thought you would want to know that the Waynwoods have arrived.”

We are now in book 6 territory, this would be the point where a future queen/leader Sansa reflects on what she just saw - Littlefinger is hoarding grain and letting Royce and others sell theirs so that he can later increase the prices for demand from a starving populace and have the rest of the Vale Lords be dependent on him and with winter coming, there is currently much demand for the grain.

This would be where, if GRRM is writing for the future leader of the North, Sansa would wonder what is happening in the North with respect to the food situation since she just heard that merchants are clamoring for grain and winter is coming. Or she would think on LF’s scheme - is it a good plan or a bad plan? Does she think that Yohn Royce is right to sell his grain? What is her view on hoarding all the food for price gouging while people possibly starve elsewhere? What does she think of starving the populace for profit? Does she approve? Or does she think it’s ethically wrong?

We get no answers to these questions to give us a hint of what kind of ruler future best queen Sansa will be. It’s a blank slate because while Sansa acts as a narrator here and describes one of LF’s little schemes, she herself as no opinion on it. Instead Sansa’s immediate concern when speaking to Littlefinger is that Harry the Heir called her a bastard in front of everyone. Meanwhile Dany in ADwD:

Skahaz had been named Warden of the River, with charge of all the ferries, dredges, and irrigation ditches along the Skahazadhan for fifty leagues, but the Shavepate had refused that ancient and honorable office, as Hizdahr called it, preferring to retire to the modest pyramid of Kandaq.

Mounted men were of more use in open fields and hills than in the narrow streets and alleys of the city. Beyond Meereen's walls of many-colored brick, Dany's rule was tenuous at best. Thousands of slaves still toiled on vast estates in the hills, growing wheat and olives, herding sheep and goats, and mining salt and copper. Meereen's storehouses held ample supplies of grain, oil, olives, dried fruit, and salted meat, but the stores were dwindling. So Dany had dispatched her tiny khalasar to subdue the hinterlands, under the command of her three bloodriders, whilst Brown Ben Plumm took his Second Sons south to guard against Yunkish incursions.

The most crucial task of all she had entrusted to Daario Naharis, glib-tongued Daario with his gold tooth and trident beard, smiling his wicked smile through purple whiskers. Beyond the eastern hills was a range of rounded sandstone mountains, the Khyzai Pass, and Lhazar. If Daario could convince the Lhazarene to reopen the overland trade routes, grains could be brought down the river or over the hills at need …

The sea provides all the salt that Qarth requires, but I would gladly take as many olives as you cared to sell me. Olive oil as well."

"I have none to offer. The slavers burned the trees." Olives had been grown along the shores of Slaver's Bay for centuries; but the Meereenese had put their ancient groves to the torch as Dany's host advanced on them, leaving her to cross a blackened wasteland. "We are replanting, but it takes seven years before an olive tree begins to bear, and thirty years before it can truly be called productive. What of copper?"

Sansa does not come anywhere close to Dany and Jon in terms of leadership and that she’s so often pushed as this future queen in fandom, including by bnfs and so called asoiaf experts, is baffling, frustrating and hilarious.

What, if any, attributes does Sansa have to even be a peacetime ruler? After the war means rebuilding from scratch, making deals, hard bargaining, strategizing, using political tools, rebuilding the economy for war torn lands, get in the food, grow the food - precisely the kind of thing Dany is doing in Meereen. Or Jon thinking of building green houses in the Gift to grow food.

But Sansa building a snow model of Winterfell means that she’s the best qualified peace time ruler? Reddit dudebros and so called tumblr feminists united in wanting female characters who wield soft power and uphold the patriarchy as future rulers.

Even when it comes to personal growth, while Sansa has come a long way from her AGoT days, she still has some catching up to do with her peers. After getting hold of LF, Sansa complains that Harry is a horrible person for calling her a bastard.

Come,” Petyr said, “walk with me.” He took her by the arm and led her deeper into the vaults, past an empty dungeon. “And how was your first meeting with Harry the Heir?”

“He’s horrible.”

“The world is full of horrors, sweet. By now you ought to know that. You’ve seen enough of them.”

“Yes,” she said, “but why must he be so cruel? He called me your bastard. Right in the yard, in front of everyone.”

Now, personally, this is the point where I would like some introspection from Sansa. Remember when Sansa called out Jon as a jealous bastard in front of her friends in AGoT and Arya defended him?

Sansa sighed as she stitched.  “Poor Jon,” she said.  “He gets jealous because he's a bastard.”

“He’s our brother,” Arya said, much too loudly. Her voice cut through the afternoon quiet of the tower room.

“Our half brother,” Sansa corrected, soft and precise. - Arya, AGoT

Considering the way Sansa ignored Joffrey’s attack on Arya, it’s a good bet that if Harry the Heir had called out Jon Snow as a bastard in front of everyone in AGoT, Sansa would not have an issue with it. Now that she is being insulted as one, she gets to experience the hurt that Jon felt everyday growing up in Winterfell as a real bastard.

But even here, she refuses to scrutinize the situation more than simply getting angry at being called a bastard. Sansa is often held up as this compassionate, kindest person, ‘beacon of hope for the future’, a queen who cares for the masses etc. But where is her questioning why the classist prejudice against bastards is in itself wrong?

She is angry that she is being called a bastard, she is not angry that bastards are treated as less than. She doesn’t question the societal prejudice against bastards, only angry that she has to pretend to be one and be insulted as one. She doesn’t spare a second reflecting on her bastard brother Jon Snow or question her low opinion of bastards:

Sansa could never understand how two sisters, born only two years apart, could be so different. It would have been easier if Arya had been a bastard, like their half brother Jon. She even looked like Jon, with the long face and brown hair of the Starks, and nothing of their lady mother in her face or her coloring. And Jon’s mother had been common, or so people whispered. Once, when she was littler, Sansa had even asked Mother if perhaps there hadn’t been some mistake. - Sansa, AGoT

And that’s the difference I see between Sansa and characters like Dany, Arya, Jon, Brienne and even with Tyrion and Penny. While GRRM interrogates Westerosi society prejudices, feudalism, classism, sexism, slavery, ableism, bigotry, the effects of war on the small folk etc with these other characters, Sansa rarely reflects on these issues. That’s why it makes no sense when epithets like ‘embodiment of hope for the future’ is used to describe the character. Hope for whom? The small folk? The patriarchy? The feudal lords?

Sansa being nice to people like the stuttering Ser Wallace is held up as her being the kindest ever. But Jon is nice to Shireen, Arya is kind to Weasel, Jaime is kind to Tyrion. Why is kindness and compassion only highlighted for Sansa, like some unique feature of hers when many characters, even the villains, exhibit kindness?

This is Jon Snow in ADwD

“I see what you are, Snow. Half a wolf and half a wildling, baseborn get of a traitor and a whore. You would deliver a highborn maid to the bed of some stinking savage. Did you sample her yourself first?” He laughed. “If you mean to kill me, do it and be damned for a kinslayer. Stark and Karstark are one blood.”

“My name is Snow.”

“Bastard.”

“Guilty. Of that, at least.”  - Jon Snow, ADwD

This is Sansa Stark in TWoW:

Ser Harrold looked down at her coldly. “Why should it please me to be escorted anywhere by Littlefinger’s bastard?”  

“Yes,” she said, “but why must he be so cruel? He called me your bastard. Right in the yard, in front of everyone.”  - Alayne, TWoW

Sansa in TWoW is as hurt by the bastard moniker as Jon Snow was in AGoT when addressed as such by Tyrion. She’s emotionally where Jon Snow was in AGoT, while Jon has matured enough to not care for such insults anymore. And this is book 6! I guess it makes sense considering Jon is 16 -17 and Sansa would be 13 - 14 years old, making her younger than him in AGoT. But this is why the whole ‘Jon should take Sansa’s advice to rule because she’s the smartest ever!’ trash the show pushed to hype up Sansa is complete nonsense.

I don’t know how many chapters GRRM will be devoting to Sansa in the Vale in TWoW, but there’s still a lot of growth and character development pending for book Sansa. As I have always said, Sansa has a lot of information but she rarely if ever introspects on what she has heard and seen. She knows that LF last had Jeyne Poole but at one point wonders where Jeyne Poole is... Just ask LF dammit! She knows that Lysa had Jon Arryn poisoned on LF’s say so and knows that SweetRobin is being dosed with dangerous levels of Sweetsleep and that LF is banking on his death and yet thinks that SweetRobin will be okay. She needs to start putting two and two together to come up with four and I suspect that in itself will take up the whole of TWoW.

So will Sansa become any kind of queen or ruler? No. If she survives the books, I can see her being Lady of the Vale and be moving the chess pieces around. I can see her gaining agency and maybe even be the real power in the Vale aka Littefinger. Just like Jon, Arya, Bran and Dany I think Sansa will be a darker character in TWoW. The game of thrones cannot be played honorably and she will need to get her hands dirty to outwit LF and take him down at his own game.

The point where Sansa simply stops narrating what she sees and actually starts analyzing what she sees in her POV chapters is when the student will become the master and I am excited to see that happening.

[youwontlikethisblog]

Yo Soy Betty, la Fea

So about a month ago I started watching this show as a form to entertain myself, in other words, ironically.

I was introduced to this novela by the Mexican version of it. I grew up with La Fea Mas Bella and during my depressive episodes that was my go to binge show. One day I was sitting on the couch, as one does, and Betty La Fea was on. I laughed for like a solid minute because I thought that acting was so serious that it was hilarious. See I was so used to the dramatics and comedy effects of the Mexican version that I thought the original was just too serious. So as a form to mock myself and the original novela I went on a search for it. Sadly here in the states the only way to watch this show is through NBC/Telemundo and the ads are just so long and it's not even the complete, all 335 aired episodes. Also for me the NBC website crashed to frequent it just made me miserable BUT that's not the point of this.

Hey, hi, I'm a writer.

I feel the need to say this because this show has... I am extremely fascinated by the writer Fernando Gaitan. I haven't seen any of his other works but this show alone is a masterpiece and I don't mean to say this because of the tropes, the moral, or the characters themselves but the mastermind to create so much detail into three minute scenes, the directing and the acting as well just add such a lovely splash of color, of life to this already beautifully written story.

I'm new to this already well established fandom and while I have read many breakdowns of characters, mainly Marcela, I haven't seen much regarding the story itself and many things said and done that foreshadow certain events.

For example, (I'm not sure what episode I'm on because I accidently bought the bootleg version of this novela so chapters aren't titled) This episode is the one when they offer Betty a 10% commission so that she can get Armando to do business with RagTela. The scene in particular however is when Armando is laying in bed with his fiancé, Marcela.

Now this becomes almost a regular thing that I noticed between the lives out of the office between Armando and Betty. We get back to back scenes of Armando with Marcela and then scenes of Betty at home with family or her friends that it becomes almost a way for the viewer, or if this were a book, the reader, to distinguish the difference of lives these two characters have. Though one could assume one is lonely because they don't go out or have a S.O and only work or count numbers is shown in a home with loving parents that are always worried about their child and present in her life and a loving best friend that shares the burden of being outcaste by society and finding the humor in it then we get scenes of a couple always arguing and then jumping into bed. Of a man that while his S.O sleeps lays awake with unheard questions, whose best friend is constantly placing temptations and pushing him to do wrong by his S.O, and whose parents aren't really present and ever only talk about the company or his relationship with Marcela to then again Betty. However in this part of the episode it's Armando awake while Marcela is asleep while Betty writes in her diary and we hear her monologue and then they both drift into sleep.

This becomes a ritual where the viewer can tell the clear line between these two characters and their own worlds.

Why do I mention this?

Because dreams are often, in the literary world, seen as prophecies or for the reader to interpret the future or the secret desires of the character. In other words, a form of foreshadowing.

Now in this episode Armando is laying in bed with Marcela, Betty is writing in her diary and the scenes switch between the both of them until we are taken to a dream. In the dream Betty is wearing a bright red dress with long sleeves, and a red hat with Armando in a black suit(I have theories based on the clothing they wear lol) . They're both dancing to tango. While Betty isn't watching him much, more concentrated in her movements, Armando is busy watching her. We then see him dip her, where she finally stares at him and they near for a kiss, just as they are about to kiss we hear Betty's name echo and she straightens up and walks away, while Armando is left there confused and alone.

Why do I think the mention of this dream is important?

Up until this we've seen Armando go from feeling indifferent about Betty. He is a terrible boss and constantly yells and mistreats her to then being fazed by her tears, to having moments of being a good boss and defending her. We begin to see a pattern of Armando's change towards her. Even before the terrible plan to use her is set and I believe that Fernando Gaitan used these dreams to not only give a break of humor and show Betty's crush towards Armando but to give the viewers a look into an otherwise unbothered, unfazed, and mysterious character's mind. AKA Armando Mendoza's own personal feelings towards Betty.

This is solidify by the dream they both share the night that Mario tells Armando about the plan to win Betty's heart to secure the company.

When we're learning to be good story tellers we're told that when writing you writer for yourself. The first draft is a huge info dump. While editing you take out all the unimportant factors and scenes, no matter how much you love that scene if it doesn't help with the plot, character development, or pushing the story forward, it's to be taken out of the story. Therefore most things are written with the intention to mean something. The cuts between Armando and Betty before we see this dream signify that it was both of them having the same dream.

I believe that this was the moment we start seeing the bend between their own worlds outside of the office.

Now, I'd love to have more cohesive analyses of the episodes because this is as if a book came to life. A lot of people in the fandom believe that Armando wouldn't had ever fallen in love with Betty had it not been for Mario who told Armando to make Betty fall in love with him to secure the company, a lot of small details in the character development and the story say otherwise and I have no one to talk to about these small details so maybe this blog might change from being a writers blog to the occasional fandom reblog to now being an analytical commenter of Yo Soy Betty, La Fea.

Even if no one ends up reading this, I need to get it out of my system so until next time.

[micasaessakusa]

The luckiest man alive

Pairing: Bokuto Koutarou x Reader Genre: Angst Word Count: 3.224 words Warnings: Memory loss

If someone were to ask Bokuto what he thinks about life, he would undoubtedly give an answer that couldn’t be fitted into a three-hour monologue.

Tangents about his favorite pleasant aspects of his life would be there: his friends and family, volleyball, the feeling of victory, the feeling of being loved, and speaking of love - you.

Bokuto Koutarou believes he’s a very lucky man. 

Of course, he gives great weight to hard work, but he’s just so lucky that his hard work has almost always been coupled with, well, luck. He’s lucky to have found his passion in volleyball, lucky to have been surrounded by people who always support him, lucky to have gotten the opportunities he’s been presented, lucky to be doing what he loves, and lucky that you’re there beside him.

Ups or downs, you’re there for him. And he’s so lucky that you make your presence even more known in his slumps. Did he do something good in his past life for him to be blessed with good fortune and you in his present life?

Maybe he saved the world or something, is what he always thinks.

And because of the luck that’s always been by his side, Bokuto is naturally optimistic. How could he not be positive when he always gets what he wants, right?

Sure, people see him as someone who’s easily swayed emotionally. And someone who feels down from the most mundane things must be a pessimist instead, right? That would make better sense, but when has Bokuto Koutarou ever abided by sense?

Even in the face of whatever Bokuto shows outside, his heart and mind are always set on looking towards the brighter side of things. 

For example: he can’t hit well? Aww too bad, and for sure he’ll mope around a bit. BUT he’s already looking forward to getting back up again and hitting those super satisfying straights and thin crosscourt shots of his. 

He fails an exam? You’ll see him hiding under his desk, muttering about how he just couldn’t get his mind to wrap around topics. BUT he’s already thinking of the tutoring he’s going to get from Yukie and Shirofuku because of course they’re not going to let their ace fail and get bumped off the team for academic failure.

They lose a game? He’ll undoubtedly be inconsolable for a day - maybe even two. BUT he’s already pumped with adrenaline from the anticipation of the future MSBY training sessions that would surely tire the heck out of him. They have to work to secure that next win after all.

Luck is always on his side. How could it not be when in his point of view, he’s the protagonist of the world.

Whatever comes his way is just a challenge waiting to be conquered. He could be sad and mopey for sometime, but for all intents and purposes, he’s absolute that he could triumph over anything.

To sum it up, even though Bokuto Koutarou could not be contained in a few words, if he does try to name a few to describe himself, it would be: lucky, optimistic, and of course, grateful. Gotta be thankful for all that fortune after all.

That’s who he is. 

So when word reached him that you got into a terrible car accident that almost took your life, he cried.

He cried, sobbed-- he broke down in anguish and absolutely refused to leave your side throughout the whole operation to save your life. He remained adamant to not leave you by yourself in the weeks that took for you to recover, and he willed himself to remain optimistic that you would wake up from the coma-- that he could once again be given the chance to gaze upon your gentle, familiar orbs that he’s come to cherish so much.

It tore his heart to see you asleep. 

That’s what he took to calling it: asleep, for if he called it what it really was, he’s afraid he’d break down even more. And break down he did. Just after being told of the severity of your condition, he fell to his knees on the hospital hallway, unable to support himself from the disbelief, the sadness that he felt. But his friends and family were there the whole time, never leaving him to fend for himself.

His teammates never left his side, especially Shouyou, your cousin Omi, Tsum Tsum, and of course, Kuroo and Keiji. Even with their own busy lives, Bokuto’s just so lucky to have special people that gave him strength when he needed it the most.

Bokuto wept from the accident, but he thanks his lucky stars that you survived, you made it out alive and that’s what really matters. He’s grateful that despite what happened, you weren’t taken away from him, and because of that, he’s optimistic that you’re going to wake up and give him the privilege to be with you again.

The universe must have heard his wishes, for you suddenly woke up a couple of days after the fifth week mark.

He remembers it clearly.

It was nine in the morning, he saw the time on the dashboard of his car before he shut the engine off. Lucky he found a parking spot near the entrance, as he remembers that time Atsumu drove him to the hospital and it took them almost half an hour to find a spot.

His ringtone broke through the sound of the morning rush just as he closed the door to the driver’s seat. Plucking his mobile out of his jean pockets and holding a cup of coffee with his other hand, he answered the call, seeing ‘Omi-Omi’ on the screen.

“Yes, Om--”

“[Y/N]’s awake--”

The steaming coffee slipped from his grasp and that’s all it took for him to run through the parking lot and into the entrance. He spotted a line in the elevator so he turned a corner instead, and opted to hike seven flights of stairs to your floor, skipping two or three steps to get there faster.

His heart was beating so fast it felt like it’s going to burst out of his chest, but he ignored it. He didn’t even notice the muted ringing in his ears from the adrenaline, all he’s thinking was how he needed to see you, he needed to see you. He needed to see you he needed to see you he needed to see--

All eyes turned to him when he barged into the room.

It felt like all the air escaped his body as he stood there glued to his spot. He saw you, already seated and looking at him.

You’re looking at him.

He didn’t notice the tears streaming down his face.

He took the first step, the second, the third, and soon he found himself kneeling beside your bed, your small hand grasped into his warm and much larger pair. Holding it tight with the desperation of a man afraid to lose his only one.

And there, he let it all go. It all came crashing down on him. The tears fell even harder than before as he cried his heart out. --the panic upon seeing your unmoving body, the fear that you might not survive the operation, the horror that gripped him when they told him you were in a coma.

--the adrenaline that seized him when Sakusa called, the nervousness in his steps on his way up. The relief from seeing you awake--

“Who are you?”

His entire body stiffened upon hearing your voice. First, from the unparalleled comfort of having to hear you again after so long, but then he registered what you said.

Still sniffling, he wiped his tears with the back of his hands, only then realizing how much he cried from the moment he saw you. His brows furrowed a little in confusion, looking around the room for a bit, only then did he process the solemn looks on the faces of his friends, each one unable to look him in the eye.

“What--?” he said softly as he let his gaze go back to you. 

“I’m sorry,” you told him in an equally soft voice. “I don’t know who you are.”

Your voice was barely above a whisper, but it might as well have been a shout from how loud your words rang in his ears. You turned your gaze away from him, pulling your hand free from his grasp as you kept your own hands clasped on your lap instead.

“Kiyoomi,” you called out with a bit of urgency, making your cousin rush to your side to give you the sense of security you needed.

The doctor cleared his throat lightly, catching his attention. Still confused and unable to wrap his head around what was happening, he stood up and walked slowly out of the room as he was escorted outside. He chanced a glimpse at your tired body just before the door shut. 

He saw Kiyoomi huddled over your form as you held onto him desperately. 

You didn’t even spare Bokuto a glance.

That was around twelve months ago, just seconds before the doctor finally told him about your condition. How the blunt force trauma to your head caused brain damage, which ultimately resulted in a version of retrograde amnesia.

But it was partial, said the doctor. The accident only seemed to have affected a few years of your life. Fortunately for you, you were able to retain your memories until some time after college. At least you didn’t have to wake up at a loss about who you are, at least you know your family, at least you remember your cousin Kiyoomi, at least at least at least at least-- but it was all just a big blur to Bokuto.

The moment he heard you remember just after college --roughly about a year after your uni grad when you tried out for pro-league, he blanked out, because that means you don’t remember him.

A year, that’s how long it’s been since you woke up. One year, one month, two weeks, and six days since the accident you were in, if he wants to be specific.

Months spent dying to engulf you in his embrace. Months spent unable to lie in bed with you beside him, to just go back to talking about nothing and everything at the same time. Months spent just visiting you in Sakusa’s loft because that’s where you’re more comfortable staying.

He respects your boundaries, but he just can’t help but miss everything about you.

He misses you. 

A lot.

But still, he thanks the world for keeping you alive. He can’t even begin to imagine what life would be for him had things taken a turn for the worse, but he doesn’t have to think about that. Again, what matters is you’re alive and well.

Even with your condition, Bokuto still believes he’s lucky to have you by his side. Well, maybe not all of you, because while you’ve slowly gotten back to some of your usual routines like work, you still don’t have an inkling of who Bokuto really was, or is supposed to be for you.

The two of you go out on dates, and on some days, you even sleep in his apartment - your shared apartment. He takes you to his games, you go to family events together and the like. But even when you spend most of your time together, you still don’t remember your Kou.

He’s thankful for your safety, but he can’t help but wish for your speedy recovery every single night. There’s not a day that has gone by where he doesn’t wish for your brain to just suddenly regain what it lost.

No matter, though, Bokuto always thinks. This is just another challenge he has to overcome, and because he knows you’re strong, he’s optimistic that you could conquer this one, even if hope seems a little bleak this time around.

But he’ll wait for you, no matter how long it takes to get you back.

You’ve decided to resume training with the EJP Raijin, your home team, of course under the guidance of your personal therapist and your trainers. He’s not too worried about your safety as he personally made sure to get a therapist recommended by his most trusted coaches. Plus, Motoya trains with the EJP men’s team, so really, you’re well taken care of.

The idea was also approved by your doctors who suggested you go back to doing what you mostly did before the accident to possibly try to trigger memories to resurface.

He snaps out of his trance as he watches your practice match. Your coaches let you participate in this one even though you’re still out of commission for the league proper.

It’s just training, but the way you move reminds him of when he first saw you in action. You might not remember participating in the league, but your movement now on the court serves as a painful but very beautiful reminder of what made him fall for you in the first place.

You might not have your memories, but everything else -your focus, determination, tenacity, your strength, it’s all there, and Bokuto could do nothing but smile in his sheer awe of your person.

What he doesn’t expect, however, is for you to run straight to him after having won the practice match. Sweaty and a bit out of breath, he sees you running straight towards him.

And heavens, your smile… the smile on your face right now could light up his life forever.

He opens his arms to catch you as you jump into his hold, winding your arms around his neck to keep him in a tight hug.

“Kou!” you exclaim. “We won!”

And he freezes.

You feel him stiffen almost instantly. Bokuto’s so far into his head that he fails to register the wide smile on his own face and the tears that promptly run down his cheeks.

You remember him! You remember him you remember him you remember--

“Kou?”

He jolts from his thoughts as he looks at you expectantly. You raise your hand to wipe the tears that adorn his face, a worried frown decorating your own.

“Why are you crying?” you say as you tilt your head in confusion.

“Do you remember now?” he breathes out the words so quietly you almost don’t hear them but the moment you do, it doesn’t escape his notice how the color practically drained from your face.

“I--, Bokuto--”

It feels like his heart is being gripped by barbed wires as he registers what you just said.

Bokuto. Bokuto-- you don’t remember him. You don’t. You do not remember him. You still don’t.

And that’s all it takes for him to release you from his hold as if you had just burned him. You try to reach out to him, but he steps away from you. Shaking his head in denial? Hurt? Confusion?

He sprints away out of the gymnasium, his thoughts running wild, filling his mind with unfiltered hatred of the world.

It’s just not fair! Why is this happening to him! Why must the world be cruel when he’s done nothing but good! Why must it happen to you and him! Why? Why!

Why can’t you just remember him!

And he collapses on his knees at the deserted hallway, his sobs coming out raw and wounded. The pain of having you stare at him without recognition for a year burning his heart and seizing it with just-- just hurt.

He cries at his hatred of the world. The optimism he so absolutely and almost religiously held onto for his entire life breaking apart at his feet like shards of glass.

And like that, he also finally breaks.

A year. He tried to stay positive for a year, enduring the feeling of his beloved looking at him as if he’s a stranger, as if they didn’t share years together. As if the growth they had with each other meant nothing to the world. As if everything they shared with each other was so miniscule to just be gone because of one accident.

And so he cries and cries. He lets the anguish come out. He lets the anger and hatred and pain come out with each choked sob.

It must have been a minute, five, or maybe thirty minutes, an hour.. He doesn’t know. He heaves himself out of his slumped position to sit on the floor, and he closes his eyes as he lets his head tilt back against the cool surface of the wall. 

He’s just so tired from everything.

It’s only when he opens his eyes again does he see you standing a ways away, face fallen as if the world turned its back on you. And from the looks of it, he knows you saw his meltdown.

You approach him, taking small steps in an attempt to see if he’s going to drive you away, but he makes no move to stop you.

All the while, he keeps his tearful gaze on you as you kneel in front of him.

A fresh bout of tears breaks free from his eyes the moment you take his calloused palms into your careful hold.

“Kou,” you call his name softly. “This past year has been challenging for me… but I can’t even imagine how- how terrifying everything must have been for you.”

Your voice remains low, but he hears it loud and clear, and his heart clenches from how you’ve thought about him even when you can’t remember him.

“I know it’s not the same. I’m not the same, but Kou--,” you halt, and his eyes widen open upon seeing tears in your own pair. “I don’t remember you, but when I see you sad I-- I just can’t take seeing you sad.”

A choked sob escapes your throat, and his instincts tell him to pull you into his strong hold and he does. The warmth emanating from his body makes you relax into his familiar touch.

“I still don’t remember, and I don’t know if I ever will. And I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just-- I’m sorry,” your cries reach his ears, and he pulls you even closer to his chest, hugging you against him to ease your pain away.

You raise your palm to caress his jaw, prompting him to look at you, and he does. He looks at you as if you’re his whole world, memories be damned. Challenges be damned. Because now, as he looks at you, as he actually looks at you, he sees the same you that he fell in love with.

“My brain doesn’t know you the way it used to, but my heart… my heart knows you, Bokuto Koutarou.”

He sees the same you that he keeps falling in love with over and over every single day of his life.

And as your lips meet in a whispered confession of love shared only between the two of you, he finally comprehends just how lucky he is to have you in his life.

Memories be damned.

Challenges be damned.

But his luck? He’ll forever thank his lucky stars for bringing you into his life.

For as long as he has you by his side, he’ll forever remain the luckiest man alive.

[drandnurseturner]

Heart to Heart

Tim comes home from medical school to visit.

Shelagh and Timothy have a heart to heart conversation that’s long overdue with a little advice too.

Shelagh was overjoyed. Timothy was coming home to visit for the first time since he had left for medical school. It has been months since they had seen him. He called about once a week and wrote as often as he could, but it wasn’t the same.

As always, Shelagh wanted everything to be as perfect as possible. She had planned to make Tim’s favorite dinner and dessert for his first night home. As she cooked, she thought back to Tim as a boy. They had such a sweet and special relationship even before her and Patrick got married. She couldn’t wait to see him and hear all about medical school!

The children were quietly playing upstairs, waiting for Tim to arrive. They were excited as well. They had made him cards and planned to tell him all about what they were learning at school.

As she stood at the counter preparing dinner she heard a knock on the door. When she turned around she saw the door open. There was Timothy carrying his suitcases, standing taller than she remembered he was.

“Timothy!” She almost yelled and she hurried over to him.

“Hello Mum.” He said closing the door behind him.

The two hugged.

“We’ve missed you!” Shelagh said in a quiet tone before changing the subject. “I think you’ve gotten taller!”

Shelagh pulled back and looked at him.

“Mum!”  Timothy started. “Don’t cry!”

Shelagh stepped back and wiped her tears with the hanky she had taken from her pocket. “Oh I know, I’m silly. It’s not every day you come home from medical school.”

“Yes, but I don’t want to make you cry.” He hugged her again.

“It’s alright. Don’t worry about me. Let’s get your things to your room.”

“I’ll take them. Are the children upstairs?”

“Yes they are. I warn you, they have all sorts planned for you.”

“Good! I can’t wait!”

Tim jogged up the stairs with his suitcases. Shelagh couldn’t believe he was finally home, even if only for a week. She planned to make the best of his time with them.

As she turned to go back into the kitchen she heard “BOO!” followed by some very loud screams. She had missed hearing him play with his siblings. She had missed hearing and seeing the love he had for them.

Timothy was always on board for whatever Patrick and Shelagh wanted. As Shelagh thought about this, she realized how selfless he really was. Even as a child, Tim wanted everyone around him to be happy. She smiled thinking back to when he told them he already knew she was pregnant with Teddy. He always was a smart boy.

“Something smells wonderful!” Tim said as he came down the stairs. 

“Your favorite!” Shelagh smiled.

“I’ve missed your cooking. The cafeteria food and diners are terrible.” He informed as he sat down at the kitchen table. “When will dad be home?”

“I wish I knew.” Shelagh walked over to the table and stood across from where Timothy sat. “It’s been a very busy time for us. He promised to try his best to be home as soon as possible. He really wanted to be here when you got home.”

“I know. I’m sure he will get here as soon as he can.” Tim smiled.

Dinner was wonderful. Tim even had a second helping. Shelagh could tell he hadn’t been eating too well. She made a mental note to make extra for the remaining meals he would be with them. She even tried to think of things she could send with him when he left, but that only made her sad. She didn’t want to think of him leaving again.

Tim cleaned up dinner while Shelagh put the children to bed. She had promised to let them stay up a little later than usual to spend some extra time with their brother. They used that time to their advantage. He read them books and heard all about their lessons in school. Teddy even explained each and every scab he had. Shelagh had watched it all and loved each second she saw her children together.

After the children were in bed and dinner was cleaned up, Tim and Shelagh sat on the couch to wait for Patrick. Shelagh had hoped he would be home by now.

“How do you do it?” Tim asked.

“Do what?” Shelagh asked as she picked up her sewing.

“Wait for dad and do all of this on your own?”

“I’m not on my own, Tim. Your father does the best he can to be here. He always has. You should remember that.” She began sewing a dress she was making for Angela.

“I do. I also remember how lonely I was before you and dad got married.”

Shelagh looked up from her sewing realizing something was bothering him. “You don’t need to worry yourself about me. I’m not lonely Tim. I have the children and I have your father. Although, it’s nice to sit and relax by myself sometimes. What’s really troubling you?”

“I met a girl.”

“Oh did you?” Shelagh’s interest was peaked.

“It wasn’t that serious.”

“Wasn’t?” Shelagh leaned forward a little.

“We stopped seeing each other rather quickly. I did really like her, but she always disapproved of the amount of time I spent on school work.”

“I’m sorry Tim. Did you explain how important becoming a doctor is to you?”

“I did. She didn’t understand.”

“I know that’s hard Tim, but one day you will find someone that will understand.”

“Like a midwife or nurse?”

Shelagh laughed. “Not necessarily, but that would help. You’d be following your father’s example.”

“She’d have to be a Nun first.”

“Timothy!!”

The two had a good laugh for a moment before Tim became serious again.

Tim got up and hugged Shelagh.

“Oh! What was that for?”

“For understanding.” He said as he sat back down. “I never thanked you or told you how much you changed my life. I was a pretty rotten kid before you and dad got married.”

“Don’t say that Tim! You were not. You’d been through a lot.”

“You were always kind to me and when I began to realize how dad felt about you, I was actually excited. I didn’t understand how it would work, but I knew you made both of us happy.”

“You both made me very happy too.”

“You two have set some very high standards for the woman I marry.”

“How’s that?”

“You two have had only one argument the whole time you’ve been married. You are so understanding and loving to one another. You never look at each other’s faults. You’ve been married for years and still do your mushy stuff.”

“Timothy!!”

“Well it’s true Mum! You two are very in love and as much as it can make me sick to my stomach, I want to have a marriage just like that.”

“It’s not just about love. Yes, it does have a great deal to do with it, but friendship and partnership are key too. Your father and I made the decision to be honest with each other and to stand by each other. You’ll learn that too.”

“Thanks Mum. I may be asking for your advice again in the future.”

“I’m always here for you Timothy. I can’t promise to know all of the answers seeing as I lived a lot of my life as a Nun and I’m a little older now, but I will do my best.”

“You’re not old Mum! Certainly not like dad!”

They both laughed.

“I won’t tell him you said that!”

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

I’m back!

So, I kinda quit using this blog a while back. There are some notes about it in my old pinned post and probably on my fanfics, lol, but basically, I felt overwhelmed by fandom and everything going on irl and I crashed. I just withdrew from like, everything. I still logged in on Tumblr but I just liked things to later view them with the boyfriend or laugh at them again myself.

Honestly, it’s not that fun, just doing that, and not really that fair to people who put effort into their posts like art, music, writing, etc., or even just people who are very passionate about a subject and may want it to reach others that are the same. Because I know I’m like that!

But anyway, this is going to be my new pinned post. So! (More under the cut, please keep reading!)

About Me

You can call me Prowess, I’m a FtM transmasc (he/him please)! I use this space to elevate my personal works, such as art or writing, while also occasionally posting about topics I am passionate about. I realized I was trans in 2020 at the age of 19 years old, in the midst of a pandemic and college fallout, so as you can imagine, I’m still riding the rollercoaster of emotions that come with that. I’m also ADHD... so expect some posts about those sort of things.

But that is hardly the focus! I am big on art and writing. While I am mostly obsessed with Pokemon, I am a lover of stories, and so generally, I love most fiction, even the really bad stuff. Along with my Pokemon stuff, you can expect posts involving ARK: Survival Evolved, The Tales of Miraculous Ladybug & Cat Noir, animated movies (Luca, Toy Story, Spirit - you name it, I probably love it), and plenty of other stuff.

While I have too many older posts to go through and try to sort out the unclean tags, going forward, I am going to use these sort of tags: subject (whatever the post is about, for example, Pokemon), characters depicted, media (whether it’s art, writing, animation, or a mix), and any warnings that may need to go with it (for example, cussing when stronger language is involved, or racism if racism is getting discussed, etc). Memes or one-off posts will likely be tagged with simply “memes.” While this is pretty true for most any blog, this is so you know if you need to block certain tags! For example, if you hate Miraculous Ladybug, you’d just blacklist ‘Miraculous.’

I will also reblog a lot of posts asking for help or boosting awareness. I will try not to inundate the blog with these, but as I will likely have to make a post asking for help at some point myself due to unfortunate irl circumstances, I want to pay it forward in advance. These will be tagged with simply “help needed!”

Below are some projects I’m working on + what you can expect from this blog.

Pokemon Retold

By far, my biggest project to date, is Pokemon Retold.

This is an expansive written anthology of all the pokemon mainline games as far as generation 8. Red, Heart of Gold, Omega Ruby, Platinum, Black, Black 2, Y, Ultra Sun, and Sword are all intended to get rewritten and posted on both my FanFiction.Net and Archive of Our Own accounts. I may also post some chapters here, but I admit Tumblr makes that difficult sometimes.

These stories are very personal to me, as I started writing them when I was struggling in college with undiagnosed ADHD, and felt like my life was falling apart and I was alone. I started writing a retelling of Sword, but the more I wrote, the more disappointed in it I felt, so I started writing Black instead and scrapped Sword altogether.

I’ve had some rough road since, but Black is complete, Black 2 is also complete, and Ultra Sun is (mostly) complete (but with plans to be heavily altered), while Red is underway!

WARNING: These stories can get DARK, and I would rather my readers be over 18. They are not dark with the intent to squick out or upset people, however; they are dark with the intention of exploring thoughts and ideas I find too difficult to think about directly. There are more personalized warnings at the beginnings of each story. With that out of the way, please just try and move on if you find yourself disliking a specific story or part of a story of mine... If you want to give constructive criticism, you are more than welcome, but tearing into me and my writing just because you didn’t like something helps nobody. Keep in mind I write these for fun and as a form of self-therapy throughout some of the worst years of my life.

Furthermore, I edit them a lot. And I do mean a lot. My FFN profile acts as a “changelog” for what has changed in the stories over the course of the time they’ve been posted.

Pokemon Retold posts are tagged “Retold.”

My FFN Profile

My AO3 Profile

Pokemon Retold: Black has been added to TVTropes! I honestly don’t even care that this person digs into it a couple of times, I was so incredibly flattered they took the time to do that at all. (But be warned the page does have some spoilers!) I have no idea if you enjoyed the story or not upon reading over that page, kind stranger lol, but I really appreciate that you took the time to do that nonetheless! <3

Creatively Destructive

This incredibly well-titled story is an idea I have for a retelling of Miraculous Ladybug. I know, I know - absolutely never been done before /s

While I know there has got to be a thousand retellings of this show by now, based on just how.... terrible, the writing is, I want to try anyway. Because I genuinely love the premise of the show! I’m just constantly disappointed by how it seems to never go anywhere with its plot or characters.

So, Creatively Destructive will be a fanfic, and when I have more information on it, I’ll post it under the tag “creatively destructive.”

Roleplays

Me and my boyfriend love to RP a lot. From Monster Hunter to Pokemon, we do a lot of different stories. Sometimes, I really get inspired by what we come up together and I want to share it with others! Be it quick art based on a scene from the RP or a quick rundown of what occurred in an RP, you can catch these in the ‘Prow RP’ tags.

Currently, we are having a lot of fun with an RP based on the Hoenn pokemon games that I am sure I’ll be posting about!

I may also be open to RPs with others in the future :> Don’t be offended that I’m not open to them already... I’m just a very easily overstimulated person.

The Ballad of the ARK

ARK: Survival Evolved is a lot of things. It’s an amazing concept, an open-world game where you befriend dinos and fight alongside tribemates against other tribes, or work together to survive the hostile environment. But the true tragedy of this game goes so much deeper than that, and I want to explore that in writing, starting with my story, my experience, and then graduating to where I think the issue primarily stems from. 

This strange memoir will be posted under the tags of “Ballad of ARK.”

Commissions

I hope to take commissions for art and writing in the future!

However, I need to figure out the parameters of what I’m willing to draw (and what I can feasibly draw), as well as what I can promise when it comes to writing, not to mention pricing.

That’s not to say I’m not open to ideas though! Feel free to message me/send me asks anyway and we’ll see if we can work something out. :)

Although I am not in a financial disaster just yet, I feel like I am not far from one. This is why I hope to try to build on commissions in the future. I know they will never support me, but I would still like to try to be useful and helpful to some. I currently live with my grandmother, having left my abusive home with my father, and although she generously allows me to live with her for the low cost of merely helping with some electricity and my own food, I struggle to remain abovewater financially due to difficulty finding work (thanks to issues with ADHD and physical problems following a bout with COVID in early January 2021).

If you would like to help anyway, feel free to subscribe to my Patreon, or make a one-time payment via PayPal. I promise no matter what or how much it is, your generosity is greatly appreciated!! <3

My Patreon

My PayPal

My Ko-fi

(Note that my Patreon is... very outdated and needs to be updated. I will do that soon!)