#team fortress two sniper x reader

[simp999]

Okay so I know this is probably going to fill my inbox but does anyone have any Tf2 Sniper oneshot/drabble ideas? Fluff ideally, but the Sniper brainrot is not calming down. I need to kiss him on the jaw and steal his hat and glasses and play cards with him and go hunting with him and get swaddled up in a blanket with him in the colder months and go fishing with him and go stargazing with him and-

(I know for sure I wanna do one about stargazing one day. I just need to plan it out.)

Tl;dr: If you have any good drabble/oneshot ideas for Sniper tf2 please tell me. I might write it if it sparks joy in my little pea brain

Same goes for medic tbh

Or just send requests that works too but I like having the option of whether I like the idea or not www

But you guys have only sent good prompts and requests so far so I dunno why I'm being negative ww

[prettyboypistol]

How to Seduce the TF2 Mercs

Scout

Pay attention to him. Give him genuine compliments and honest feedback. He wants to feel loved and like he's worth someone's time.

Kisses and physical affection. Mans thinks about the time you put your hand on his shoulder for weeks.

Just say you love him, man. He's been overlooked his whole life.

Soldier

Take him seriously- don't belittle him or make jokes about how he views the world. He knows he's a little crazy but he is genuinely trying his best to make the world a better place.

Defend him!!! If someone shit talks him, punch that motherfucker in the jaw!!

Honest discussions with you asking a lot of questions, take the time to get to know him and you'll have a defender for the rest of your life.

Pyro

Much like with Soldier, defend them and take the time to get to know them.

Gifts, gifts, gifts!!! Give them gifts!

Be a little flirty ;> don't baby them! Treat them like the adult they are!

Demoman

Bro just ask to fuck. He'll probably say yes.

He loves a bold mf that knows how to take what they want. Come on to him, buy him a drink, and ask if he's got any company for the night.

If you're going for something a little more long term, just remove the sleeping aspect. Just say you're interested in getting to know him you'll most likely get a date and see how things go.

Engineer

He's a sucker for practical use gifts (i.e. mechanical oil, a new wrench, etc) or sentimental gifts (photograph of you two, love letters)

Call him handsome! Call him pretty and a gentleman! Appeal to that cowboy energy and treat him all respectful like and you'll definitely catch his interest.

If you're not the type to do all that song and dance, go the opposite route. Stump him with a logistic problem and tease him about it. He'll nonstop think about you for months and bitch about you to his sentries.

Heavy

Mikhail likes hotheads and determined people, someone who's not afraid to fight if the situation comes to it.

Ask him about general things and slowburn that mf about nice conversations until you two can talk about personal things.

Ask him to help you clean your guns! Ask him weaponry questions about what would suit you better in the field!

Medic

GET THIS MAN SOME ORGANS. GET HIM SOME FUNDING!!!! get him a lil lovebirddddd

Take the time to get to know his birds and if the birds like you, Medic automatically likes you more.

Take an interest in his medical discoveries and his life! He's a prime yapper and wants to t a l k. That's why he never shuts up when doing surgery.

Spy

Romance him traditionally, to be honest. Keep it classy and court him like the romantic he is. Roses placed in his locker, prime dinners delivered to his door, BE A ROMANTIC ABOUT IT.

If you can't dance, ask him to teach you "for a mission" (He will know that you're the one behind all the flirtatious gestures bc he's SPY)

Butter up that man like he's a piece of toast. Handsome young man who captured your heart and holds it hostage. Classy gentleman that could get away with world domination with gorgeous eyes like that.

Sniper

Don't come on too strong, he's a bristly one. Be calm and casual. Hit him with that friends to lovers.

He's more of a tough nut to crack and insecure of if you actually like him, so be sure to flood his mind with ambiguous hints when you think you see signs of him showing interest in you.

To really seal yourself in his heart, spend a lot of quality time with him! Go camping, hunting, fishing, driving, anything that gets the both of you alone and quiet.

[scoutsbabygirl]

literally an audio of the reader/listener being railed by ALL OF THE MERCS

the scout voice actor does the accent PERFECTLY. there's another one too i can link if anyone's interested. shoutout to all the va's in this, was frickin' awesome!

[habitabel]

VALVE THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

IM GONNA RIP MY HAIR OUT WE FINALLY GOT CHAPTER 7

[mrsvalentinefucker1]

Another sniper redraw

[robin374]

OMG HELLO, I'm not good with English so I'm sorry if it looks bad :((. I come to ask and request mercs for tf2 (or just snipers, scouts and medics) with an s/o who when they sleep together doesn't let them off, they are literally hugging each other from them and for nothing in the world does he want to let them go when they want to get up, thank uu byebye

"Don't go please"

A/N: I'm back from the death. Don't worry pookie I've got you.

Characters: Scout, Sniper, Medic

Info: Gender Neutral Reader. Romantic.

Scout:

I was going to say that he's exaclty the same. However, we all know that this man canno be still while sleeping. He doesn't do it on purpose of course, he is just naturally energetic, so he does in unconsciuly.

He goes to sleep with you between his arms and always thinks to himself: "I won't kick them out of the bed tonight." Only to wake up with you, still asleep, grasping his ankle for dear life at the edge of the bed.

If he wakes up before you, he embraces you and he waits for you to open your eyes to tell you that he held you all the night. Of course, you two have a job to do, and a Soldier out of your room's door screaming for you to 'get your asses up'. Surprisingly, he's the one to get up first, after trying to free himself from your hold.

"Alright, toots, it's time to get up..." he says as he leaves sofy little kisses all over your face.

Sniper:

It may not seem like it, but the moment he feel sconfident and comfortable with you and the relationship, he's exactly the same. i know that I always say it, but I will die on this hill: He's your wet cat man!!

He doesn't move while sleeping, he's usually very calm. There are times that you think he's dead because you can't hear his breathing. However the slight squeeze you receive when you move tells you that he's alive (thank god).

You two always arrive to breakfast late, because those '5 more minutes' become in 10, then 20, 30... Soldier has given up already.

He likes to feel your warmth and smell your unique scent. His tensed up muscles relax whenever he feels you near him, and more if you touch are touching him, even if you two are just locking pinkies togheter.

Whenever you don't let him get up from the bed, he just accepts his defeat and lets you wrap yourself around him. You remind him of a koala to be honest.

Medic:

Everyone thinks that he doesn't sleep...Honestly, I just think that he's the type of person that tells you to go to sleep early but he goes to bed at like 4 am or around that hour. Like he always tells you: "Y/N, you must go to bed early! Your body needs a minimum of 8 hours of sleep. Now go to bed, I will be with you sooner than you think."

Liar.

Even knowing that you are fast asleep and very comfortable in your shared bed he always wakes you up, telling you something really weird about his new experiment. "Do you want to see Scout's liver with legs?" He will ask you with a eager smile. Of course, he will drag you to his laboratory.

Everytime you hold his hand while you rub your eyes with the other. he's so happy to show you new things that he doesn't realize until later that you had been waiting for him. As an apology, he lets you hug him while you sleep. Then in the morning when Soldier knocks on your door he 'politely' tells him to shut up, and manipulates him into thinking that you need to have 8 hours of sleep to be fully focused on that day's battle. So he believes it and lets you sleep.

He's your silly mad scientist.

[tf2-headcanons-anonymous]

What the tf2 mercs use as pet names

Mostly gender neutral

Scout

Hotstuff

Hottie

Cutie

Toots

Good lookin'

Soldier

Cupcake

Sweetheart

Sweetie

Precious

Pyro

Baby

Gummy bear

Muffin

Sugar

Really any cutesy name you can think of, like "Bear bear" or "Honey bunches"

Demoman

My love

Love

Still uses "lad"

Jewel

Heavy

Baby

Little one

Small one

Дорогой (My dear)

драгоценный (Precious/precious one)

Engineer

Darlin'

Sugar

Sweet pea

Hun\Hon

Love bug

Medic

liebling (Darling/Dear)

schatz (Sweetheart\Darling)

Dear

Mein Herz/Herz (My heart/Heart)

Sniper

Roo

Gator (As a joke)

Still uses "Mate"

Sugar

Peach

Spy

Mon amour (My love)

chère/cher (Dear/Dearest)

Rose

My love

My dearest

Rose

I can honestly go on for hours with Engie and Spy

Sorry if some of the translations are off, I used google translate.

[finniestoncrane]

Sniper x Fem!Reader, word count: 700 basically, there's a piece of art i saw by lukewarmflukes (which i can't find the original of on a reputable site) of sniper fucking his fleshlight and saying "please, please, please" and that thought has not left my mind for almost a month so have this so i can be FREE of that particular demon and it's very self-indulgent because i want him to want a big girl thanks, reader doesn't really feature but is reference to❤️ request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: masturbation, fantasising, begging, whining

It was almost ritualistic, the way he waited until the dead of night, happy to lose some sleep for the sake of having an undisturbed moment of pleasure. A fair trade, he reasoned. Peace, quiet, isolation, all affording him the experience of feeling a release he was always so desperate for.

But despite it being a routine, there was always the little surge of excitement when he reached under his bed and produced his stealthily purchased toy, removing the fleshlight from it's box and giving it a quick, hazardous wipe down before setting it down on the desk.

Then there were the pillows, a necessity if he was going to be able to indulge in the fantasy, to pretend you were there with him, available for him to use for his own filthy needs. One on either side, the felshlight propped between them, kept still as he pushed the pillows together. He'd never touched you, he wished he had, but he imagined this was as close as he could get to recreating a synthetic you. The pillows could be your thick thighs, your plump rear, your stomach, your breasts, whatever big, soft part of you he wanted to grab at as he fucked what he pretended was your wet, waiting cunt.

A quick squirt of lube, his large hands stroking down the length of his throbbing cock as he spread it around, slicking himself up, ready to enter the soft, textured insides of the toy. Not as good as the real thing would be, he imagined, as he slipped the tip in with a sharp inhale. But it was good enough until he could work out how to actually have you.

With precision, cool, calm and collected as always, he rolled his hips into a steady pace, letting the walls of the toy cling to his cock, stroking it as he began to fuck it.

He was well beyond his hands now. That fantasy had served him long enough. His fingers circling round his length, palm pressed hard to the shaft, pumping his fist and pretending it was you. Imagining you beside him, whispering sweet and kind words into his ear as you delighted in masturbating him, feeling his cock throbbing against your hand as you coaxed an orgasm from him.

It worked, for the longest time. But he needed more. Something different.

Actually, what he needed was you. The toy was the next best thing.

How kind would you be to him? How welcoming? He pictured you, teasing him at first, your legs pressed together as you hid your arousal from him. He lost focus for a moment, knocking himself off balance as he imagined you spreading them apart, opening yourself up to him, pulling at the collar of his shirt to bring him closer to you.

Would he stretch you a little? Would you be the perfect fit together? Would you whine and moan for him, like he was now, the realisation of which had him suddenly quieten so as not to arouse suspicion from anyone who happened to be passing his room.

As he withdrew his cock slowly, inserting it again as his eyes rolled back, he let his thumb fall over the black casing onto the synthetic skin, tapping it against the simulated clitoris. If he had you right there, laying in front of him, his cock buried deep inside of you, he'd still relish in making you scream, or giggle, or whatever sound you might make if he paid any attention to that sensitive bud.

There was a soft thud as he gripped one of the pillows with his free hand, the other still clutching the toy, holding it against the desk as he became more frantic in his movements. His hips no longer rolled gracefully, he was rutting, fucking with abandon, closing in on his orgasm.

The veins along his length throbbed, balls tensing as he felt his orgasm approaching. Maybe the real you wouldn't be as into the idea of him filling you up, but he could pretend.

"Please... please... please..."

A long groan pushed over his parted lips, wavering as he shuddered in ecstasy, unbalanced swaying as he felt his release filling the toy, coating his own head with his cum.

Maybe you were dirty enough to let him paint your insides. He'd find out eventually.

[ballad-of-birdy-lamb]

Saw your post about TF2 being added to your list so here I am 🙏 I would like the one and only bed sharing trope with gender neutral reader, with heavy (my bbg) sniper, engie, and scout 💚 thank you ❗

Intertwined, sewn together.

Heavy/Sniper/Engineer/Scout x Gender Neutral! Reader separate romantic headcanons Summary: The hotel you were staying at with the mercs accidentally gave you a one bed hotel room. Warnings: probably OOC :( Word count: 1.1k ⋆｡°•☁︎

Heavy:

He’s very calm when it comes to sharing a bed since he’s done so with his family and you will be his lover someday, so he’s ready to get used to sharing a bed with you.

Heavy isn’t nervous about it since he thinks of it as simple and just job related but can’t deny the fact, he’s a little smug about spending sleeping time in the same bed.

By far easiest to sleep in the same bed with but he’s a furnace and huge. He’ll warm the bed like it’s electrical and keep you close, whether that be because of you or him wanting to be near or his size. It has got to do with living in the cold Russian mountains his entire life, he’s so used to the cold he never realizes how much heat he radiates.

You better hope the bed is big, Sasha’s going to sleep on the bed too, like a baby.

“Sasha will sleep in bed too, no changes from home.”

Heavy is a quiet and deep sleeper, more likely will not notice when you (eventually) fall off the bed from his size and Sasha. The harsh snow and windstorms have made him a deep sleeper.

He’s not the type to be insanely cuddly while asleep since he likes personal space. It’s an effect of growing up in a lonely Russian mountain and more likely having to share rooms/beds with his sisters. He needs personal space and likes it. But he likes you too, so you can be an exception.

If it’s exceptionally cold, he’ll (sadly) move Sasha to let you sleep against him for extra warmth, it’s not like the hotel is of good quality so it’s likely to happen. Heavy has a good time when that happens since he likes knowing you’re doing it on your own, not being forced by him and it gives him a reason to think you like him more.

Sniper:

He’ll act like it’s not a big deal when you’re given a room with only one bed, and it’s true, he doesn’t view it as a big deal. He’s sharing a bed with you. You! It’s when it reaches a basic time to go to bed does it sink in.

He probably has to be forced to sleep in a bed since he’s grown so used to sleeping in chairs for his job, having to be up quickly has its disadvantages. His back hurts from laying horizontally sometimes since he’s so accustomed to stools.

It’s not a particularly great experience for him or you sleeping in the same bed, especially since he views you as more than a friend. Sniper will be so stiff when lying next to you, it's insane, sheet metal build the entire night.

He wakes up so many times in the night to go to the bathroom, it’s insane. You have to be a deep ass sleeper to not wake from it every twenty minutes (at least).

While he’s stiff lying next to you from anxiety, he’ll quietly admire you. It’ll just be looking over your sleeping face. He’s a sniper of all things, he’s good with detail and he’ll find every little thing about you. The way your eyelashes tilt, the softness of your lips, and the basic movements and sounds you make while you sleep.

If you’re the cuddly type while you sleep, he’ll be ten times stiffer and won’t know what to do but will just get used to it throughout the night. Sniper won’t try wrapping his arms around you until he feels too tired to care. But after that he’ll hold you real tightly.

Engineer:

Honestly, one of the easier to be around when sleeping in the same bed, he’s very vocal about wanting your comfort, not just because it’s a basic thing to do, but because he genuinely wants you to be comfortable. He likes you and doesn’t want you running off because you possibly find him creepy.

Engineer’s still got that southern charm when it comes to this specific event since he is very intent on your willingness to do anything beyond platonic. If you suggest sleeping on the floor, he’ll encourage sleeping in the same bed.

“It’s just a bed, it’s not like anything more will happen anyway. It’s better anyway for your back.”

He is so similar to Sniper since he rarely gets to his bed to sleep, he’ll just end up sleeping somewhere random in his shop, which is why he has extra blankets in there. But now, he’s more inclined to be in bed.

He sleeps like a dad, snoring and stuff, possibly CPAP worthy but leave that to Medic to figure out. He doesn’t move too much though, just occasionally shifting in his sleep but it’s comfortable enough.

He’s very soft and you can accidentally move to cuddle him. Engineer would wake up suddenly in the night, looking over at you instinctively to see if you’re alright and would find you pressed into his side. He’d smile about it, in a smug kind of way but genuine happiness since you feel comfortable doing such a thing with him.

Scout:

When you got to the hotel and found out there was a mistake and you needed to share a bed, he was so excited. He’s been showing off so much for you.

He’s the most prominent in acting like sharing a bed isn’t eating him alive. Scout’s insanely confident but it’s not something he’s done with someone he’s liked before. He’s beyond giddy to be fair.

It wouldn’t be too surprising if he’s used to sleeping in a bed with other people, not because he gets play ever, but because he’s used to sharing beds with his siblings. He knows how squished together he needs to be to not be swung at for being too close to someone while sleeping.

“Don’t worry, there will be enough room on the bed for you even with me and my huge muscles.”

Just before you’re ready to go to bed, he’ll go into the hotel room's bathroom and hype himself up. Ok, someone hot is in his bed, which means good stuff because you’re hot and in the same bed as him!

At the same time, he’s sweating buckets. Scout is nervous because he’s asked if you’d ever want to sleep in the same bed as him and now it’s happening! You’re so close and your skin seems so soft, and you smell so nice and you’re so nice!

He kicks in his sleep, aggressively too. He’s like a dog that runs in its dream and does it physically too.

Scout will hold your hand when he randomly wakes in the middle of the night, it’s the farthest he’ll go because he would want you conscious when he gives you kisses. He wants you to remember how awesome a kiss would be from him!

⋆｡°•☁︎

Insanely OOC but first TF2 request!! Thank you so much for requesting!!

My tf2 masterlist

[captain-pheonix]

Hiiii this may be a silly one but might be fun to make, I wanted to see how Sniper, Engie and Medic would react to a short, (I’m 4’11 irl for reference) g/n reader absolutely tackling the enemy teams heavy like it’s an everyday occurrence for them. I climb shelves, hop on stuff on the daily so I feel like it would be rather hilarious! You’re free to adjust this how you’d like! Hope you’re doing well! 💖

A/N: gujjdhghhmmgrgg I love this yes! Ty for requesting!! I’m doing headcannons, hopefully that’s ok. I’ll be honest, I’m not doing amazing, but thank you for the kind words!! They mean a lot! (I’ll be ok tho, dw)

Sniper, Engie, and medic x short!gn!reader who tackles their enemies

Can be read as platonic or romantic!

Sniper:

- as someone in the 6’0 range, I have a feeling it would just be

- just staring directly perpendicular at you

- plus he wouldn’t even have to get anything off high shelves or places for you because he just knows you’ll climb up something to get it

- he finds your antics really enjoyable, and loves hearing about all the shenanigans you get up to (little creature vibes fr)

- he would have the absolute best view of you tackling the Heavy

- just completely not paying attention to anything else

- you probably climb onto the Heavy’s back and get him a choke hold, and get a kill that helped the whole team

- and then you look back at him still in tackle-mode like

- ndndnf sorry I just had two very relevant pictures saved that inspired me

- might invite you on hunting trips to get your energy out on off days

- probably gives you a lot of post-battle compliments because he can see everything you do

Engie:

- he’s also short tho

- you would be very handy in the workshop, just climbing metal shelves to grab things for him

- he would probably be concerned every time you get something though

- I feel like he would admire your tenacity, and like that you just wanna get things done

- would join you on a rampage if your team needed to keep pushing forward

- a good view of you tackling the Heavy

- going through the teleporter entrance he just upgraded to find you going nuts on the other side

- a little shocked at first, but after watching you take down the Heavy and save the team, very impressed

Medic:

- again, this guy would be looking perpendicular to the ground to look at you

- tbh he would want to study why your so short

- even if he knows it’s just how your genetics and DNA ended up

- good helper around the med bay

- would advise against climbing shelves because there’s sharp things everywhere

- on the battle field, he could probably point out people coming your way you didn’t see before

- thoroughly impressed that you just jumped on the other Heavy

- you’ve likely protected Medic from certain doom on several occasions, tackling anyone who tries something

- medic is very thankful for the extra protection, especially when your Heavy gets killed and Medic is left stranded

——-thanks for reading!! Hope you enjoyed <3——-

[spookymartian]

How the tf2 mercs react to you coming out but you're on the enemy team

Scout

"Um ok" *bonks you*

Solider

"I DON'T CARE" *blows you up and laughs*

Pyro

"[muffled sounds that sound supportive]" *burns you to a crisp*

Engineer

"That's nice" *you get shot by a sentry as he does a sick banjo riff*

Heavy

"THIS WON'T STOP ME" *shoots you down with sasha*

Demoman

"GOOD FOR YOU" *blows you up*

Medic

"Erm..." *ubercharges the heavy and sics him on you while laughing like a maniac*

Sniper

"k" *decapitates you with his machete*

Spy

*you don't notice him because he's disguised so he just stabs you in the back. he just makes a "hmmph." noise after and flicks a cigarette on your corpse*

[jar-of-ectoplasm]

sleeping w/ the mercs [NOT LIKE THAT]

sorry the formatting is shit i made this on mobile 🫤

shitty headcanons abt the mercs rooms and ur guys’ sleeping arrangements hope u enjoy like and subscribe it’s rly long so it’s under the cut

scout:

-very very messy room

-but like he knows where all his shit is so whatever works for him

-his mattress is on the floor bro 💔 just kidding but his bed frame is pretty low to the ground so it might as well be

-he’s got a smaller bed and a single blanket so you both are gonna be cuddling whether you wanted to or not

-surprisingly soft sheets, he stole some of spy’s fancy silk ones so it’s pleasant

-always has a fan/AC unit going for the noise but his blanket is pretty thin so it’s colder than you’d probably prefer

-kicks a lot in his sleep so just be prepared 🤕

-doesn’t snore very loud but does drool a lot and he usually ends up laying his face on your chest/your head so you are gonna wake up a little soggy sorry 💔💔

-usually falls asleep around 11pm or midnight but does wake up at random hours of the early morning almost nightly before passing back out

-pretty much always wakes up before you, he goes on morning jogs everyday so if you’re up for it he’ll take you with him

-does like to surprise you with “breakfast” in bed (it’s dry cereal and a tiny carton of orange juice but he tried)

soldier:

-really REALLY plain room

-it’s a little eerie, everything is very clean and the walls are bare concrete bc the rooms at RED headquarters are basically prison cells

-the only decoration in his room is an american flag, his bedside table with a lamp and alarm clock and a little bald eagle stuffed animal the guys got him for christmas one year

-sleeps stiff as a board on his back so he isn’t the greatest cuddle buddy but will do so if you ask (he prefers spooning over anything else)

-he’s got a decently sized bed cause he’s a pretty big guy, so you’ve got room to move around

-his mattress is pretty hard though so it isn’t super comfortable but it’s better than the floor or some old military cot

-goes to bed at 10pm sharp every single night and wakes up at 5am for morning training and will try to get you to get up with him regardless of when you fell asleep

-if you don’t opt to get out of bed he does wake you up again with a plate of food (courtesy of engineer, soldier’s just the delivery guy)

pyro:

-probably the weirdest room out of everybody’s

-their bed is really nice, they’ve got a pillow top mattress and fuzzy blankets so it’s very soft but it’s overcrowded with some burnt looking stuffed animals and an insane amount of throw pillows

-the other decoration is really weird though don’t pay too much attention to it, it’s kinda creepy but it’s also pyro so 🤷🏻‍♀️

-doesn’t sleep in the flame-proof suit but they do sleep in onesie-esque pajamas

-doesn’t sleep in the mask either but they do use a sleeping mask and are usually face down in the pillows

-not the biggest cuddle person either but they aren’t above putting an arm around you or something similar

-always goes to sleep after you do and wakes up before you too

-they usually already have a cereal bar or some other sweet breakfast food on the nightside for you when you do wake up though

demo:

-THE MOST WELCOMING COZIEST ROOM THE IDEAL ROOMIE

-very warm, comforting room, he’s got a fuzzy rug put down and only uses lamps because the overhead light usually hurts his eye

-very large, very soft bed with warm blankets and soft pillows

-the pillows all have a faint smell of whiskey but whatever

-very much a cuddler, sober or not. he doesn’t move around much in his sleep and is a very heavy sleeper so once he’s out he’s out and you are stuck in that bed until he wakes up

-does snore but it isn’t obnoxious

-takes the eyepatch off and wears a bonnet to bed to protect his hair (he has multiple but his favorite one has his family’s tartan as the pattern)

-a night owl, he doesn’t get to sleep until 2-3am and usually wakes up the latest out of everybody (around 9-10am) and he will get pouty if you aren’t there when he wakes up

engineer:

-his room is basically an extension of his workshop, he’s got a desk crammed full of random bullshit and blueprints he hasn’t gotten around to testing yet

-doesn’t spend much time in his actual room, so aside from extra tools, spare parts and papers there isn’t much in there

-his bed is actually pretty comfortable but he hardly ever makes it out of his workshop before passing out for the night so he wouldn’t know 😒

-when he DOES go to bed in his room, he is a HUGE cuddler, he will not let you go under any circumstances

-does snore pretty loud but if you wake him up he’ll readjust himself so he snores less

-usually sleeps on his left side so you don’t accidentally roll onto his prosthetic hand and hurt yourself

-no matter what time he fell asleep the previous night, he always gets up at 6am and makes the team breakfast. he’ll let you sleep more while he’s cooking and surprise you with breakfast in bed (even though he does it everyday so it isn’t much of a surprise)

heavy:

-HUGE ASS BED

-like california king

-he’s obviously a big guy but he does move around a lot so he needs a bigger bed so he won’t fall off every night

-very very warm bedding, he brought most of his stuff from russia so it’s built to keep you warm

-has a little teddy bear his mother handmade for him when he was first born; it’s pretty worn and tattered but he brings it with him anywhere he lives

-does have a little padded box for sasha at the foot of his bed

-isn’t the biggest sleep cuddler but he does like to hold you beforehand. he doesn’t mind when you cuddle him in your sleep, though, so by all means pass out on his chest if you feel like it

-does some reading before he goes to sleep and is usually in bed by 9 or 10pm; wakes up at 5 every morning so soldier doesn’t have to do his morning routine alone

-likes waking you up around 7am so the two of you can have some light conversation with engie during breakfast

medic:

-sleeps on the operating table

-just kidding, but he usually ends up passing out on his desk rather than his room

-his room is very sterile; it kinda feels like a doctor’s office, it smells faintly of rubbing alcohol and is a little drafty so it’s usually pretty chilly

-has birdcages hanging from the ceiling, archimedes has a fancier one compared to the rest of his doves but he swears he isn’t playing favorites

-if you do manage to get him to leave the medbay he’s usually pretty delirious. he’s very affectionate when he’s tired so he’s definitely down for cuddling

-is kinda blind without his glasses so he keeps them on until the very last minute before he falls asleep

-likes to tell you stories of when he did have his medical license and when he lived in germany

-usually falls asleep with his back to you but when he wakes up he’s holding you to his chest

-usually wakes up at 5am as well and goes straight into taking care of his birds, he likes to whistle littles tunes to them so that may end up waking you as well

-almost never eats breakfast but he will be pestering you about it because he’s a hypocrite

sniper:

-well

-it’s a camper van

-it’s very cramped but he’s used to it just being him in there so he never really realized

-his bed folds up into the wall when he isn’t using it and he keeps his bedding folded next to it

-very used to living in much hotter climates, and even though it is new mexico it gets pretty cold at night so he’s usually shivering his ass off under a thin sheet

-is surprisingly clingy for someone so introverted and quiet, he claims it’s because you keep him warm but he’s also just a mushy guy in secret

-usually falls asleep watching some shitty DVD on his little portable dvd player he keeps on a counter next to his bed

-keeps his kukri hidden next to the mattress just in case

-very light sleeper and once he’s awake, he’s awake. poor guy barely ever gets any sleep because soldier is usually screaming outside the van 3 hours after he’s gotten to bed

-doesn’t eat breakfast, but he will make you a cup of coffee in the morning

spy:

-ugh

-bought all of his bedding and the mattress purely based on looks so it’s pretty surprising that it ended up being comfortable

-will not let anybody have their shoes on in his bedroom, you have to leave them in his smoking room if you wanna come in

-kinda like medic in the fact that he goes to bed not even looking at you but wakes up all over you. he is kind of an asshole about it being like “aw babe you literally think i’m irresistible even in your sleep” when HE’S the one that cuddled up to you

-keeps his butterfly knife under his pillow and a pistol in his bedside drawer

-always falls asleep after you and is always awake and out of bed by the time you get up

-he doesn’t eat engineer’s breakfast because he claims it’s “too filling and unhealthy to be eating that much as soon as you wake up” so he always makes a little french breakfast for himself

-he pretends like he doesn’t do anything for other people but he always makes a plate for you of whatever he makes himself and leaves it on his side of the bed with a cute little note for you

-will pretend like he has no idea what you’re talking about if you bring it up though

[prettyboypistol]

Yo, cis guy here, I've always felt a lot of shame about being super gay for the tf2 men, because it made me feel like less of a man. You reckon I could possibly get a scout or engie x reader when theyre calling the reader handsome, pretty boy, big man, and lots of masculine petnames? Smut or fluff or ignoring this is fine

I really like your work dude 😁

fellow cis guy here- I totally get it man. i'm glad that other guys like me enjoy my work. I also struggled with my attraction to men and fictional men were (and still are) my escape from homophobia and biphobia. Stay safe, you're valid.

TF2 Mercs With a Masculine!Male Reader

Scout

He loves squeezing your muscles and feeling your abs, totally not thinking of you as a goal for himself!

Nicknames include: Big man, big boy, sweet cheeks, hot shot/stuff, bossman, stud, etc.

likes the feeling of your facial hair when you kiss him- it tickle/scratches him in the best way!

Soldier

Thinks of you as the best man in the unit of RED! You're an exemplary man with gusto and power to spare! Solly fell for you when he caught you on a morning run "to keep yourself fit". That dedication got his heart skipping!

Nicknames include: Soldier, pride, the unit's pride and joy, big man

arm. wrestling. as. flirting., sparring. as. flirting. honestly anything that gets him up close and personal to you

Pyro

Hold onto you like a damsel in distress and loves how protective you are over them. As much as Pyro would and has protected you from enemy Spies, they like depending on someone who can hold their own.

nicknames include: My fire, firefly, my fireman, big boy, handsome

They love how you treat them like "just another one of the boys" rather than "the creature"- it really hurts their feelings when they're excluded due to how they cope with life.

Engineer

God he couldn't have asked for a better assistant. You grab heaps of metal for him, toolboxes, and sentries you can pick up with both hands and carry over to him!

Nicknames include: Hoss, handsome, big man, sir, boss

loves watching you work out while he works on his bench (sometimes even being your bench weight)

Demoman

He treats you like how he'd treat any partner of his, no changes. Demo's kind, loving, tender, but would let you fend for yourself to not baby you.

Nicknames include: dear, darlin', lovely, loverboy, handsome, best-shag-of-my-life

loves cuddling up to you and just burying his face in your muscles- but when he's not sleepy he is constantly hooting and hollering about how awesome his boyfriend is.

Heavy

a lot more friendly about his romance, treating you more like a best friend than a romantic partner in public mainly due to his anxiety about "being caught"

nicknames include(mostly in russian): lover, love, handsome man, hero, heart

he loves kissing your strong hands and sliding his hands over your muscles, it assures him that you're strong enough to take care of yourself, and that eases his worries.

Sniper

god this is a useless gay man. he sees you crush a bonk can and his heart skips a beat. you take off your shirt and he's speechless. you make him unprofessional and it ruins him internally.

nicknames include: Hotstuff, love, mate, darling, chickadee, big bugger, bear

he likes asking you to carry his stuff, complaining about his aching arms (totally not to watch you carry his things!!!)

Medic

ooooh god this man is a HOMOSEXUAL for you. on GOD.

nicknames include: honeybear, my love, my heart, my magnum opus, big man, beast

can, has, and will continue to flirt with you on the battlefield, no matter who sees him do it. If anyone gives you shit for being gay, he's instantly at your side and ready to beat them down with you

Spy

i mean... if you have a degradation kink go ahead i guess? he treats you like a bodyguard in public and is cold and callous in other's eyes. they think he hates you. In private however he is all over you. kissing, holding, embracing, etc., whispering sweet nothings in your ears.

nicknames include: my sweet love, my man, my handsome, big beauty, sweetness

although he seems uncaring in public, anyone who disrespects you gets backstabbed as "target practice" later when they least expect it.

[awkward-writes-shit]

Mercenaries x Reader on Laughing Gas who calls them handsome

In this order; Heavy, Medic, Spy, Sniper, Scout, Demoman, Engineer, Soldier, Pyro

Heavy

“You’re handsome…”

The man was too stunned to speak. Medic told him you were going to be real honest when under laughing gas, but he wants expecting THIS.

He finds you adorable like this. You’re absolutely smaller than him (Unless you’re a tall queen/ruler/king, in which we stan * finger snaps *) and carries you around until you’re able to think straight again.

10/10.

Medic

He puts you under just for fun because he finds you cute like this, so he’s gotten used to your loopy speech

“You’re handsome…” “Danke Taube.”

Still makes him giddy every time you compliment him though. Watches you stumble around the room like a toddler.

7/10

Spy

”You’re handsome…”

He knows. He appreciates it, but he knows.

“Merci. You’re a mess…”

Finds your loopy behaviour cute and slightly entertaining. Wouldn’t actively go out of his way to help you, but will keep an eye on you so you don’t end up killing yourself.

6/10

Sniper

“You’re handsome…”

He’s flustered immediately, does the awkward pulling hat down to cover the blush move.

“Thanks Sheila…”

Probably gonna get baby locked in his van due to him not wanting you to get hurt, but also having no idea how to care for you.

8/10

Scout

“You’re handsome…”

Stop inflating his ego, you’ve doomed the others for the next hour.

“YA’ HEAR THAT BUSH MAN?! MA GIRL THINKS I’M HANDSOME”

Bro probably puts you on one of those weird monkey leashes that you put bad kids on (Couldn’t be me…) and just watches you with so much entertainment.

8/10

Demoman

“You’re handsome…”

Dude’s drunk 24/7 so you’re basically the same person at this point.

“No, YER handsome… Beautiful… Pretty… Yeah…”

He’s constantly taking care of his mom, so you’re in good hands. No sharp objects, no fire, no Pyro, absolutely no Pyro, you’re safe.

10/10

Engineer

“You’re handsome…”

So much blush on that poor Texas man’s face.

“Aw… Thanks sweet pea… How ya’ feelin’?”

We stan a man who’s concerned about you. Keeps you in his workshop while he works. More than willing to explain to you what he’s doing like you’re 5.

10/10

Soldier

“You’re handsome…”

He’s a really loud person so everyone is going to know that you called him handsome.

“OF COURSE I’M HANDSOME! I AM THE GREATEST AMERICAN ON EARTH!”

Dude would have no idea what to do with you. Heavy just ends up taking care of you.

2/10

Pyro

“You’re handsome…”

‘Happy Pyro noises’

Definitely not the best at taking care of people, but in you’re loopy state, he’s amazing.

Y’all are absolutely gonna do stuff like colouring, playing with his unicorns, and absolutely cuddling.

[habitabel]

Who wants to get branded with me 😇

@c4rnie

[theonemeathead]

Sniper x Reader, "Say My Name"

[NSFW!!] im soooo normal about sniper from tf2. ive actually had this fic sitting around for a while, just keep forgetting to post it!

tws for the use of the word 'sheila', implied fem reader. enjoy!

You had no idea how it had gotten to this point. One moment you were laughing, cutting up with everyone over a game of cards, next thing, you were in a full-blown heated argument with your lover. Hardly, did you and Sniper ever truly argue, and when you did, it was normally you fussing at him, and him, sitting there, calm and level-headed, listening. There were a few outlier moments (like all long-term relationships), where things got bad, but never like this.

Now, you were standing in his camper, both of you spatting at each other as it escalated from frustration to a full-on screaming match. And it didn't seem to get any better. Sniper had said something during the game and it set you off for the night; Something about how 'he can see the looks you give the others'. Now, you understood Sniper was possessive, but the way he snapped at you earlier had stuck with you. And the worst part? He didn't even say sorry. You knew it was irrational to be upset, but things had been piling up for days, and this was the breaking point; The final drop of water into a cracking dam of emotions.

"Don't give me that, sheila, I'm not in the mood," He turned his back to you, waving you off with his hand as he marched towards the fridge. It always bothered you when he seemed disinterested in your arguments.

"Oh, you're not in the mood? What about me? What about how I feel?!" You huffed, crossing your arms. You waited for him to respond, slightly trembling with anger as he seemed to dismiss you, inspecting the label of a beer he found instead. "You accuse me of being disloyal and then ignore me? That's unfair, and you know it—"

"It's not an accusation if I'm tellin' the truth, yeah? Crikey, I see the way the doc treats ya on the battlefield, sheila, I'm not bloody blind!" He slammed the glass bottle on the counter, whipping around to face you with such ferocity that, for the first time ever, you had actually feared him. You stood your ground, shrinking slightly as he stomped towards you, his voice getting louder and angrier as he did. "And I ignored it, brushed it off as simple banter, yeah? But when he started touchin' ya, feelin' up on what's mine?"

"He doesn't 'feel up on me', Sniper. He's doing a rushed medical examination, I would know if it was sexually charged." You bit back, a slight snarl forming on your lips. Sniper froze. You never called him by his title, only when you were really upset. You knew it got to him, would agitate him more.

"That's not my name, roo."

Woah. You immediately felt your face flush red. The way his tone darkened, the way he stood as still as a tree over you, it made your thighs squeeze together. You'd be lying if you denied it didn't get you hot under the collar, the predatory gaze in his eyes as he spoke. Even with a raised voice, there was a certain underlying gravel in his tone that followed. No sane person should be turned on by their boyfriend's anger, but you could tell Sniper was about 30 seconds away from pushing you up against the nearest surface and showing you who you belong to.

"You're Sniper when you're mean."

You swallowed thickly, noticing how he kept pursuing you. You backed up, stopping abruptly when you hit the farthest wall in his camper van. He slammed his hands on either side of your face, leaning down as he growled slightly in your ear. You pushed yourself, flush, against the wall. You pushed your legs together, your knees threatening to buckle just from the sheer ecstasy that was Sniper's voice whispering, dirty talking you, right in your ear.

"You wanna see mean, love? I'll show you mean."

You felt goosebumps pin up all over your body. Before you could retort, Sniper had latched himself onto your neck. He would start with a kiss, the sweetness of his lips a cruel cover-up for when he sunk his sharp canines into the same spot. He left multiple dark, visible marks, most starting at your jaw, trailing down into your nape and ending near your collarbone. He wanted to claim you, show everyone you were his.

You wanted to fight back; To be a general nuisance and continue arguing... but it was obvious it would be futile. He was going to put you in your place, regardless. He was Sniper, like you said, after all.

He didnt even bother to strip you completely. He hastily unbuttoned your pants, slipping them down with your panties in one swift motion. The clothing articles sat at your knees, effectively hindering your ability to run away, if you so desired. You were flipped over so your back was turned to him instead, now. Instinctively, you put your hands against the wall to brace yourself. With one hand on his cock, the other on your shoulder, he began, teasingly, rubbing the head of his length against your core. You whined, grinding back to get any sort of relief. You felt the rumbling of his low laugh, as if he was getting off on how desperate you were. Here you were, acting all high and mighty, now reduced to a brainless toy for him to play with.

"What's the matter, roo? Need somethin'?"

"Mundy, please—" He took a fistful of your hair, yanking on it to force you to arch. Your head leaned back, giving you an upside-down view of the sinister smirk on his face.

"Oh, I'm Mundy again? I don't think so, love. You asked for this." He punctuated his sentence with a deep thrust, bottoming out fully inside you in one movement. It caught you off guard, eliciting an involuntary moan. You felt your eyes water, your walls squeezing and constricting around Sniper's lengthy cock.

He started off agonizingly slow, pulling almost all the way out, just to push himself back in to the hilt. You could feel his tip brushing against your cervix, making you wet with even more need than before. Normally, he was an animal. When he was horny, he didn't hesitate to hold back on ravaging your body. But, this was Sniper, the trained assassin that could wait hours to get the perfect shot. He was a hunter, a man who didn't 'muck about' when it came to ensnaring his prey. This wasn't your typical, sweet boyfriend who went on camping trips and sang you poor covers of songs by The Who.

His pace quickened with desperation. Vulgar sounds of skin hitting skin echoed through the quietness of his vehicle, followed by a harmony of whimpers and mewls from you as he fucked into your body ruthlessly. He let go of your hair, instead, he dug his nails into the meat of your hips, leaving crescent-shaped indents in his wake. His grip was bruising, along with his thrusts now. You still held yourself up against the wall, albeit shakily.

"Mick, please! I'm so close—" He had slowed his pace, coming to a complete stop. Confused, all you could do was whine at the lack of stimulation. And that's when it hit you.

He wanted you to beg. He wanted you to degrade yourself, to fully give in like a wounded rabbit caught in the hinges of a beartrap.

"C'mon, sheila, you're a clever one. You know what I want." The praise from his gravelly voice, alone, was enough to get you to crumble.

"I— Please, Mick, I'm sorry for calling you 'Sniper', it won't happen again, just please—"

"You're just making this harder for yourself, love."

"Fine—Ok! Please, Mundy, I need it, I need it so bad. I want you to fuck me, and only you!" Your voice quivered with desperation. This seemed to appease him as he went back to where he left off. Every drag of his dick against your wet core felt heavenly. It wasn't long until that build-up happened again, that tight coil forming as his tip abused your g-spot.

"You're mine, roo. Got it?" He panted, groaning softly as he felt you tighten around him, as you got closer to your climax. "Say it, sheila."

"I'm yours! I'm yours, Mick!" As if on cue, you felt your orgasm crash over you. You squeezed your eyes shut, your body tensing around his cock deliciously harder. This seemed to push him over the edge, his hips snapping against your ass as he went as deep as he could, filling you to the brim with his cum. He pulled out, catching his breath as he watched his seed spill out of you, as it began to drip from in-between your legs. He grinned, proud of his work. With a light slap on your ass, you slumped against the wall, completely exhausted and limp.

Sniper sat on the ground beside you, pulling your sore body towards him. You rested your head on his shoulder, comforted by the faint scent of umber and the soft thumping of his heart. Tiredly, you looked up at him.

"So, I'm going to assume you don't think I'm gonna leave you for one of our teammates anymore?" You teased slightly, although there was a hint of sincerity in your question. You really didn't want anyone else, but him, and you'd be damned if he didn't know it.

"I'm sorry about that, roo. Just really love ya, 's all." He avoided your gaze, sheepishly looking at the ground instead.

"I love you too, Mundy. I promise, you're the only one I've got eyes for. I'm not going anywhere."

"You better not, or Sniper's gonna have to hunt'cha down and give you a real bloody drubbin'." You planted a chaste kiss on his lips, effectively shutting him up. Yawning, you laid your head back down, snuggling into his side as you both laid against the wall.

Being a mercenary was, in fact, a good job.