#tbh- Its also a way for me to cope by pretending to be someone else so I dont have to have a full on identity or personality crisis/gen

[hartz4medea]

The urge to make blogs for my F/Os and pretend they’re talking to me when making posts or reblogging my content…

[lunanoc]

are you surprised that I'm asking you to do Wu Xie for the blorbo bingo ?

(alternative offers if you want to do them: Li Cu, since you're finishing sha hai and/or Huo Xiuxiu)

i’m very late in replying to this sorryyy

absolutely not surprised but i appreciate the window of opportunity to let me *unintelligible noises* about wu xie <3

(for disclaimer purposes as always these are all just my personal opinions and aren’t pretending to be objective facts)

i’m totally normal about wu xie my beloved (who absolutely has pretty boy privilege that he definitely uses to his advantage whether he fully realizes he does or not, also this man is vain af in the most human way possible), he’s the ultimate blorbo and i’d be writing essays about him if i actually fully got into why i love him. wu xie is incredibly complex and goes through one of the most realistic and in-depth developments i’ve seen in a fictional character honestly. it says something that usually first person narration isn’t really my thing, but wu xie’s pov is so enjoyable and compelling you can’t put the books down. because of that unique perspective, we get wu xie in all that he is as he changes (though not quite as much as he himself thinks he does) throughout his experiences, the good and the ugly both, and while he’s deeply flawed, it’s because he’s deeply flawed and contradictory and so painfully human as a result that he’s as interesting and endearing as he is, i love him a very normal amount :))

the one maybe controversial opinion i have is that while not most because that would be exaggerating, i still find a number of popular fandom takes on wu xie, on the western side of the fandom specifically, are off just enough they bother me. it’s hard to narrow it down to a single reason because it’s a mix of different things that aren’t always objective (as in some things are just my preference vs someone else’s), but i would say one of the bigger ones is the sometimes gross misunderstanding of cultural backdrop and framework that have made him into who he is. you can easily extend this to pretty much all the characters, it’s just more noticeable in the portrayals of the main ones, but dmbj is a story deeply informed by its cultural framework, both in terms of narrative and in terms of the characters, how they act, their thought processes, and how all this impacts their interactions with others. so it’s not hard to understand that disregarding that would skew the characters on a fundamental level, which is something i find happens to wu xie more than it should. but that’s just me

next! li cu

i don’t have anything crazy to say about li cu really outside the fact i find him a little more compelling in the book than in the drama, mostly because you get his thought process a little more in-depth in the book, and he’s interesting as a contrast to how wu xie works. he’s clearly way in over his head and trying his best to cope with increasing trauma that just keeps heaping itself on top of itself without letting him really process it so yes he needs to stop being in situations (even if arguably being in situations is what ultimately saves his life). he’s also a teenage boy which just makes me want to fix him. just a little bit. i swear he can be better it’s not his fault teenage boys are a little dumb in the head! he does show up more in later canon post-ten years later, so it’s not like he completely disappears, but him and the desert triangle squad aren’t uninteresting characters so it’s interesting enough to keep up with them even if his strained relationship with wu xie hurts me for both of them (li cu using wu xie as a convenient party to pin the blame on for all his misfortunes vs wu xie perceiving li cu as the consequences of his necessary evils made flesh ouchouchouch)

aaaand huo xiuxiu

huo xiuxiu my beloved, best girl hands down, none can compare <3

when i say the writers dropped the ball on her, i mostly mean the dramas, although tbh more specifically lost tomb 2 and 2.5 that. yeah that’s not xiuxiu that’s all i’ll say. i find the closest to book version of her is in ultimate note, that still for introducing characters earlier than they should have been reasons couldn’t give her some of her coolest scenes. she’s intelligent, she’s skilled and cunning and pretty, yet in the beginning she also has that gap of practical inexperience that make her human. she’s the whole deal really. interestingly enough when they meet in the books, wu xie often finds he and xiuxiu are similar in terms of the way they think and react, which i find is interesting and pretty accurate. she’s also not in the story enough, so i’m happy that in current canon she’s been upgraded to one of the main squad and is down in dangerous tombs with the iron triangle and heihua. she’s also as unhinged as they all are i love her <3

[twopoppies]

i think a lot of people in this fandom don’t like it when others have different opinions from theirs. so to cope with it, they take it out on the person. it’s quite sad, tbh. i agree with you, though. i don’t like some of the things h & l do, but that doesn’t mean i’m hating on them. there’s also nothing wrong with feeling a deeper connection with one of them. for me, i have a deeper connection with louis. but that doesn’t mean i dislike harry. people just love to cause drama for no reason. but do you want to know what i’ve always admired about you? you seem like you’re very good at holding your ground and defending your opinion. i aspire to be like that one day :)

Oh, I totally agree. I don’t know why people have such a hard time with differing opinions. Its not as if there’s only one way to be a fan.

There are people here who think if you don’t love each of them the exact same amount, in the exact same way, then you’re not a larrie and you’re “fake”. It’s so exhausting. And the stupidest part is that what these obnoxious anons are doing is making people afraid to be honest. So then you end up with a bunch of fans pretending they like things just so they don’t get nasty anons. What is the point of that? I want to enjoy my time here. So I blog in a way that I enjoy and that feels true to me. If you don’t like it, that’s okay. You don’t need to follow me or pay attention to me.

Anyway, thank you for that sweet compliment. It’s taken me a long time to get to a place where I know my opinion is as valid as someone else’s.

[br1ghtestlight]

i feel like when bob's mom died he was probably like eleven and it was traumatic for him and his dad (like imagine how gene would feel if linda died, and its implied that bob and his mom were close too) but big bob and probably bob too are just not people who express their emotions openly!!! in the flashback episode where bob is fourteen he raises his voice the tiniest bit and then apologizes for getting so excited like he just doesn't express his emotions openly and i relate to that LOL i get the feeling that big bob didn't really like talking or thinking about his wife after she died (i mean we know canonically he left her out of stories that he told to bob and avoided her in conversations) and both him and bob probably processed their grief and trauma surrounding her by going "we just won't think about it or talk about her let's pretend she never existed" and its probably also true that bob learned pretty quickly that if he talks about his mom it will make other people sad and feel bad for him, and he knows that talking about his mom makes his dad sad so he doesn't do it anymore and by fourteen he's pretty good at acting like she never existed (i never lost someone close to me and definitely not that young but i can't imagine moving on from losing your mother who you had a close relationship with in like two or three years at that age??? but he seems like he's doing okay in that episode) that could ask explain why he almost never talks about her or tells stories, and why he didn't visit her grave for literal decades (obviously bcuz he was busy with his family and stuff but i get the feeling that he didn't like thinking about it bcuz it made him feel bad) so that lead to an environment where bob couldn't talk about his mom with his dad, and he couldn't talk about her with anyone else bcuz it made them sad and he didn't really like thinking about her bcuz he got sad whenever he thought about her, but as he told big bob in that one episode he likes talking abt her and yeah it makes him sad but it also makes him happy, because they're remembering and talking about her :) imo it would've been traumatic for bob to lose his mom regardless of how she died bcuz she was young like she would've been in her 30s or 40s and people that age don't typically die of natural causes, she probably either got into a car accident and died suddenly or had cancer/another terminal illness and died in a hospital over a longer period of time (which would make sense bcuz bob hates hospitals i think??) but either way that would be very traumatic for bob as a tiny child to watch his mother die and go to her funeral ALSO it seems like big bob is more willing to talk abt his wife with people who never knew her like the kids vs bob because he didn't want to make bob sad by causing him to think about her, so i think big bob came from a good place of not wanting to upset bob or make him miss her or make him sad by reminding him of her but i dont think avoiding talking about someone is the best way to grieve and cope with their death tbh it was probably just traumatic for both of them

[niksfics]

↬ FATE

↬ PAIRINGS: kenma x f!reader (side aka rebound mention) miya atsumu x f!reader

↬ WARNINGS: a whole lotta angst, breakup, it’s an online relationship, kenma is cold and hurts ur feelings

↬ SUMMARY: your relationship with kenma really had felt like the last one. He was it, turns out he didn’t have similar feelings.

↬ A/N: alright loves!! This isn’t proofread at all it’s 2 in the morning I’ll edit when I wake up, butttt Thanks to my lovely ex girlfriend you are now being graced with this steaming pile of trash. (Lovely was not meant sarcastically at all she is in fact very lovely.) Ngl almost, if not all of this story is about my relationship with my ex gf. This is how I cope people. ￫ It’s taken me awhile to actually be able to right something that’s why things kinda stopped. Tbh after she broke up with me it’s been very hard for me to write so hopefully this helps! And I hope you enjoy!! I would also just like to say if it feels a lil weird it’s cause these are things I’ve actually written in my notes I tweaked it a little to fit the story but it’s straight from the source 😩

WC | 2.5K

You sighed as you opened your notes app. Your eyes scanning over all of the little facts and quirks he had told you about himself. All the stuff you’d wanted to remember. The stuff that had seemed so important to you before. Now it was meaningless, almost like facts about a stranger. Almost as if you hadn’t spent four months learning about and growing with eachother.

You scrolled down a little bit right under, how his favorite marvel character is Spider-Man and you chewed on your lip. Your fingers hovering above the keyboard on your phone. You looked over the facts again. The things he dislikes and the stuff he adores, the things he likes to collect to the way he feels passionately about a certain topic. You begin to type.

Friday June 25th 2022 12:22 Am

I cried again tonight, because I still love you. It’s been a month and six days since we broke up. It feels like there’s a hole in my chest. You seem to be doing fine though, so I’m happy for you! This is the second time since we’ve broken up that I’ve felt actual physical emotional pain in my chest. Remember when I told you how bad it hurt after we broke up? Remember how you didn’t even ask if I was ok? Didn’t even bother to answer. Do you remember that? I remember. I’ve thought about it every day since. I remember it being so bad I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack. Wasn’t until I’d called tetsu crying that he’d told me it was just emotional and I should probably try to relax.

I read through our old messages. I’ve never wanted something back so bad. Never wanted to beg anyone to stay till now. I wish you loved me like I love you. I wish I hadn’t grown so attached, wish I hadn’t fallen so deeply into love with you. I wish it wasn’t my fault that we broke up. I wish I wasn’t so fucking scared. I wish I was fearless. Wish I could rise into love bravely. I wish I was brave when it came to you. I keep telling myself it was me. It was me not you. You didn’t love me anymore. You don’t love me anymore and you’re just too nice to say that. So you told me in the only way I could handle. Except you hadn’t used the words you should have. You got bored. We both know it’s true. You were bored of it, and I don’t blame you. I know we’ll never talk again, and part of me is so glad. Another part of me forces myself to read through all our messages though. I wish I could just tell you one last time. I love you.

You sighed saving it before closing out of it. Tears you hadn’t known were falling finally became known to you as they streamed down your cheeks. Your eyes puffy as you wet your lips, the salt of them coating your tongue. You were bitter and so were your tears. I briefly wondered what he was doing right now. Probably playing a video game. You knew his schedule all to well by now. Probably testing out a new game for his stream.

A new set of fresh tears fell as you remembered how you used to call him right before he went on. Being lulled to sleep by his occasionally curses and the clicking oh his controller or his keyboard.

You never expected things to end this way. You really thought he was the last one. Yes it had only been four months, but the way he made you feel. The way that it had felt. It had felt final, and you’d been friends before you even started dating.

You sniffle moving yourself to the kitchen to poor yourself a glass of water as you remembered how nervous you were when you first texted him. You had acumulated quite the crush on him back in high school. As Inarazaki’s manager you were required to go to the games, and even after your team lost you had stuck around. Watched him play and cheered him on. Two weeks later you had begun to text, as friends of course. It wasn’t until four months ago that you’d gotten together.

Your anniversary was only two days prior to your break up. You both had never been one to even care about that stuff. You had agreed early on in the relationship that we wouldn’t do anything due to the distance, and the business of our schedules. You were never one for remembering things like anniversaries anyways.

He really did feel like the one. Sometimes you just know. Sometimes you can just feel it. Like, you know that feeling you get when you know something is off or you know for sure something is about to happen even without being told it’s going to. That’s what it felt like to be with kozume kenma.

You thought you knew, you thought this time, this time its for real. You thought it was finally safe to say, that he was the one. You both had even admitted to looking for each others initials in those stupid soulmate tik tok videos.

You were finally in a mature relationship with someone you could talk about anything to. You had gotten so caught up in it, that you didn’t even see the end creeping up on you.

↝

You’d finally gained the courage to text him again. Unfortunately it was in a drunken daze. Your hands shaking as you fumbled with your phone typing things you’d come to regret in the morning. You’d sent him a series of texts telling him how much you missed him, how you didn’t understand how he was so okay. You had been a wreck that night. One of your friends puking in her toilet as you cried. You were happy of course that he was doing so well, but you’d been a wreck for so long and he hadn’t even changed. You told him you wished you could be okay.

When you’d awoken the next morning hair knotted in a complete mess and wiping drool from your chin your heart had sunk even lower. His response was cold. You knew that kenma could be cold. You knew that it was just who he was, but this particular text had felt so unfeeling and unfamiliar, it was as if he hadn’t even sent it himself. He had only ever talked like this to you once and that was when you first became friends all those years ago.

Kozume ❤️

Hey, it’s okay. And yeah you see what I choose to put up. I could be better. But I choose to stay optimistic and busy. Sorry that things are this way.

You had never seen so many periods in a text before. He only used grammar like that when he was peeved, and maybe you were wrong, maybe he’d done that on purpose, but it had hurt so bad. It had caused an ache so deep in your chest that you weren’t sure if you’d ever even dated him at all.

Yeah.

It was the only thing you could bring yourself to respond back with. How were you supposed to respond to that? You’d stared at it for so long and after you’d sent it you wished you had said more. Wished you would’ve said something more insightful than a simple, heartbroken, “yeah.”

Not too long later there was another ping and you held your breath. His name briefly appearing across your screen.

Yeah. I could be better. But I hope you do well soon. I’m sorry that I can’t really do much to help out

And of course you did the only thing you could do. Deflect. Pretend like you hadn’t said what you’d said not even fourteen hours ago.

No it’s fine. I’m fine. You don’t have to apologize. I’m sorry that you could be doing better.

He left you on seen. You knew you sounded like an asshole. At least to you, you felt like an asshole. Why couldn’t you have come up with something else. Why couldn’t you tell him the truth. Tell him how you felt. Tell him that you didn’t think you should be broken up anymore. That the month long cruel joke was over and you were ready to spend your nights falling asleep to him playing video games again. You didn’t though, and you never would. You’re not brave enough, too prideful to even try.

You swallowed down the bile rising in your throat as you realized even if you did beg him. Begged him to take you back. Tell him that you still love him. You were too late, and you just couldn’t be selfish when it comes to him. He is over you and it was so plainly obvious. You know that deep down. Know that he’s moved on, and it kills you inside. So you did the only thing you could do. Try and put it into words.

So as you lay in bed the warm body you let occupy your space sound asleep beside you, his toned blonde hair tousled slightly and you sighed. Finally away from the shenanigans of your friends you took a deep breath before you closed your eyes.

You opened up your notes app again and scrolled past the last entry. You swallowed again as you blinked the tears out of your eyes. Your thumbs beginning to move before you even gave them permission.

Wednesday June 30th 2022 1:39 Am

Here I am again. Stuck. Stuck in the same place I’ve been for so long. You know, I write so beautifully when I’m broken. I’m most of my best work is written when I’m being torn apart. But I just, I can’t seem to find the words. I can’t seem to put it into a document and turn out little story into a different story to cope. Can’t seem to write it out. Can’t seem to move on.

I hovered over the unfollow button on your page today, to keep myself from scrolling through your things again. To keep myself from getting hurt. So I don’t have to be reminded. I want to delete it. Delete where we officially met. On a chat through my screen. I wanna wipe the messages clean. And I’ve tried. Oh how I’ve tried. But I can’t.

I want to delete our conversations. The hours long talks we had, but then, what happens afterwards? What keeps the memories alive. I’d never been so in love with someone before. I’ve never actually…. Been in love before. I thought I’d been in love, but it didn’t feel like that, and losing them never hurt like this. Losing someone has never hurt this bad before.

I’ve never felt the emptiness you left so deep in my very being with anyone I’ve ever met before. I can’t seem to pull myself together. And it’s pathetic I know. It’s pathetic that I’m still here. In the same place I was a month ago. It’s about to be two months we’ve haven’t been together. I’m hurting. Hurting so bad. It’s painful to look at you.

I haven’t deleted the photos even though I probably should. They’re still tucked away in an album in my camera roll labeled “us <3” the one one I made specially just for you. The way I’d been so excited when I was finally ready to tell my friends. I even have this stupid notes folder from when we were dating where I wrote all the little things about you that I never wanted to forget. I find you so endearing. Everything you do. I just couldn’t help but right it down to keep it safe so it never leaves my mind. So that I never forget. But now, forgetting is all I want to do.

I never thought there’d be a time in my life where I was more emotionally stunted that I normally. So stunted I can’t even put this, our split up, into words. Make it something entertaining for somebody else to read. Write a book about it. My publicist keeps asking when the sequel for my book will be done. I don’t know if it’ll ever be finished. I can’t do the one thing I’ve always been good at. I’m crying as I write this.

And I wish it would just end here in this little notes app. Wish the love would die in here. I always think I’m over you and then I see you again, and nowadays your everywhere. A very big hit and I’m happy for you and your success, but seeing you makes my heart squeeze in my chest.

I think I’m over you until I play that stupid fucking game that causes me to scream at my phone, or my laptop in frustration, but I just can’t seem to delete it because I know it’s something that you love. That show we used to talk about. I know you know which one, I can’t seem to watch it without thinking of what was. You’ve ruined it forever cause now it only reminds me of you. I know you’ll never see this, but I like to imagine you can. That my time for closure has somehow come.

When you told me you were sorry that things were this way, it was a real slap in the face. It stopped my false hope. My wishing. It all came to a halt. I’m glad. Glad that you’re happier. That you’re better without me. But god, now I’m so fucked up and I can’t even talk to you.

You were the only person I had left. The only one who understood me. And now you’re gone. You took a part of me with you that night. A part that I’ll never get back. I should’ve known that you would leave. I’ve never been able to get someone to stay for longer than three to four months.

I thought I could let my guard down though. I thought we were in the clear. I’d thought finally. Finally someone is gonna stay. I thought you were my person. I still think that to this day. I thought we were gonna make it. And now I’m with this guy I don’t even like. He’s not you, he doesn’t act like you. He doesn’t like video games like you do.

He doesn’t talk to me like you do. Like you did. But you know how it ended I don’t need to put it here. Unfortunately I’ll always love you even if you don’t love me. This is so scattered, I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy.

With that you closed the app and put down your phone. Plugging in it and as it dinged miya atsumu rolled over in his sleep. He reached for you his hands wrapping around your waist to tug you against his strong body.

His gravely voice whispering through sleep, “mmm finally decided to come to bed?” You hum moving an arm under on of his to wrap around his thin waist. “Mhm, thought you might need the company.” You began to draw little shapes and letters against his back as he chuckled, “oh yea? How thoughtful of you princess.”

Suddenly it was quiet and your closed eyes opened to his wide brown ones, his eyebrows furrowing .

“Did you just spell kozume on my back?”

[bookofmirth]

I haven't read ACOSF yet, and tbh I'm rather rusty with the characters but it was really interesting to read your opinion on Elain! I feel there's a lot of complexity to her. And how she presents herself as well because as you said we literally have no chapters from hers or Lucien's POV and I think that's the important point to note because right now we're all just guessing and assuming her to be like Feyre, but she's not. People deal/show their traumas in different way and l think people expect Elain to deal with it as Feyre did. But, Feyres trauma and Elains are very different!

I don't really know what I'm saying. But I read your answer and it made me go 'oh... Huh!' in a good way, it sparked my curiosity! So thank you! But I think Elain perhaps is the most complex person with their trauma. I know people say 'oh Nesta is so different' but (I specialised in drama therapy so I love psycho analysis) and what Nesta did is self destructive to prevent relationships to avoid hurt or more emotions that she doesn't want to acknowledge (in my opinion!)

Elain just shuts down. She doesn't drink, she doesn't screw, she just remains in her garden which in itself says a lot! That's a very grounding way to handle trauma and not a lot of people are aware of that side!

So yeah I don't know what I'm saying but I think it's a really interesting discussion!

I have so many thoughts about Elain! This took me a few days to get to because i knew I had a crapton of thoughts. So this is basically me using this ask to explain the way I see Elain post-acosf!

There are three important scenes in acosf off the top of my head: when Elain talks with Nesta and they fight, and then with Nesta and Feyre and she gets mad and leaves, and then Feyre and Rhys talk about her in their chapter. We’re getting a lot more information about her, and for me, it wasn’t so much about who she is, but why we don’t know who she is.

So far, what we’ve had is Feyre’s and Nesta’s POV. Even when Feyre and Lucien tried to help her in acowar, they were unable. So we’ve never had anything about Elain from someone who didn’t grow up with her and experience the same trauma (such as becoming destitute, their mother’s death, their father being beaten, the Cauldron, etc.)

The sisters do handle it very, very differently. And I think that at this point the fandom consensus is that Elain runs away from her problems, but I actually disagree, and partly because of what you mentioned - that she isn’t using those self-harming, destructive coping mechanisms. Nesta was avoiding her problems, hardcore. It’s absolutely possible that Elain avoids things, but I don’t think that she just runs from all of her problems because:

Elain grieves her father. Openly. She tries to accept the fact that it wasn’t her fault and that she couldn’t do anything about it. (See: her going to his grave in acofas, her first talk with Nesta in acosf.) Elain does not run from her grief, she doesn’t pretend it doesn’t exist, and she doesn’t hide it from others. As one of the most defining events we’ve seen her go through in the series, that’s a pretty big deal.

Elain does not cling to unhealthy coping mechanisms. There could be ways that she does this that we are unaware of. She does seem like the type who would be really, really good at making people think she’s okay, all while she’s silently imploding. But we don’t know that yet?

Elain does not isolate herself. 

However, Elain definitely needs to deal with some stuff! She definitely needs to deal with Lucien, and she needs to have an actual talk with Nesta because I don’t remember a single satisfying resolution between those two in acosf. Not like Nesta had with Feyre. 

I have this idea that is purely based on Elain’s line in acosf:

“I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow, all you think of is what my trauma did to you.” (pg. 233)

And then Feyre tells Nesta that yes, Elain was right. 

This is so so so sossosososos important. I cannot emphasize it enough. Elain is used to putting on a fake, smiling face because she doesn’t want the weight of her sisters’ concern. She has been pretending to cope for so long - and tbf, she seems to have been doing better than Nesta - that people not only forget that she has suffered, but she doesn’t feel like she can even express that suffering.

Emotional labor often means negating one’s own feelings in order to acknowledge or tend to someone else’s. And that is Elain’s major role, in the series. Feyre has been caring for everyone’s physical wellbeing (hunting), while Elain’s role has been to care for everyone’s emotional wellbeing. But, like with most emotional labor, it has gone unnoticed.

I’ve made posts about emotional labor in the past (four years ago!!!!) but I’m gonna spare you the link because a lot of it was about a ship that’s no longer a ship, so here is the relevant content:

What I am talking about is the regulation of emotion - any time that you give comfort, are especially attentive to someone’s needs, stop thinking about how you feel in order to focus on how someone else feels, try to cheer someone up, make sure that they are taking care of themselves, try to allay their insecurities, etc. Basically, helping them with any sort of emotional distress.

You know those posts you’ve seen, about women protecting men’s egos constantly? Or about making time for self-care? Or about recognizing toxic relationships? That tell you “if X is being demanded of you in a relationship, get out”? Those are ALL about emotional labor, broadly speaking. They are warning you not to do more than you can handle, more than you need to do, because it can be harmful to you.

If you have ever been expected to make a person or people feel better any time you are around each other (including when they are angry, upset, anxious, ill, frustrated, insecure, etc.), you have performed emotional labor. Pretty much everyone has done this at some point, unless you are a completely insensitive jerk.

Notice, though, that I said expected to and any time you are around them – this is where the problem comes in for YOU. This is not about just being there for a friend.

Making loved ones feel better is fantastic. Seeing people be polite and kind to one another makes my heart shine. That is not a problem in and of itself. That can be seen as emotional labor, but there are no requirements on you in those circumstances. This is something you are doing of your own free will.

The problem, again, is when this is expected, constantly, over time. Now, in my experience, the expectation is not necessarily coming from the other person. One of the problems with this type of labor is that not only do others expect women to perform these tasks, but women expect it of themselves.

It’s super easy to see this – who is expected to take care of a child when they fall? Who is expected to baby-sit? Who did you want when you were sick as a child, mom or dad? Who is expected to be sensitive and pay attention to others’ emotions?

For more info on this idea specifically, read Of Woman Born by Adrienne Rich. As a woman, I realized how much work I had been performing and how much it was harming me and I just… got real upset. She comes at this mostly from what a woman’s role is expected to be within the family, and might actually be a bit outdated in that respect because I feel like family structures and dynamics are shifting (that is a totally un-academic evaluation of the situation, don’t quote me on that), but still, it’s really informative.

While I was doing some research for this post I came across a peer-reviewed article about nursing and basically, high amounts of emotional labor led to anxiety and burn-out in those performing it. It literally will cost your mental health – not to mention your time, energy, attention, and it often requires you to ignore your own needs (this last part came from me, not the article). On the other hand, high levels of emotional intelligence (being able to recognize your own and others’ emotional states) meant less emotional labor (and therefore less anxiety & burn-out). One of the most important things to realize is that while you are taking care of someone else’s emotional needs, your own are frequently unmet. That is why it’s important to recognize this in yourself, not just in these characters.

So where does Elain fit in? Elain is the #1 emotional labor provider of the family, and she is about to freaking SNAP. I know, because once I realized how my trauma was hidden in order to spare someone else its consequences, I fucking SNAPPEd. I’ll also spare you the personal details, but Elain hasn’t been “okay”. She hasn’t been “boring”, or “nice”, or “chosen” Feyre over Nesta. She has literally been unable to express herself because (and I am NOT blaming Nesta or Feyre or her father one bit) her family’s emotional state has been so fragile, there hasn’t been room for Elain to feel or express her emotions in years. 

In the feysand short, Rhys says:

I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she’d disappoint you all.

And that completely tracks. Everyone has gotten used to Elain being not just “nice”, but being the emotionally predictable one. The one they know they can go to for a smile. The one they can count on for never, ever making them realize that she has been through Some Shit Too. And being that person is exhausting.

When Feyre thinks about Elain not using Lucien’s gloves, 1) she still has them, otherwise she couldn’t think about Elain not using them, and 2) I like to see the gloves as something that she will come to use, once she realizes that she can feel and express those emotions without it causing a breakdown in the family. Right now, she just wants to feel. And she can’t do that emotionally, so she’s doing it physically. Once she heals and finds a better balance, she won’t need to resort to physical pain. (Which, lowkey has me thinking some other thoughts, but.... maybe later.) But anyway, once Elain does go through her very own special journey, I fully expect her to welcome those gloves. She won’t need physical pain to feel anymore.

Not to mention my completely unacademic and non-professional opinion that people will judge a nice women harshly for being rude once, but accept a woman with a history of rudeness for just “being that way”. It’s another way that Elain may feel trapped in her “nice girl” persona. I think she started out that way - kindness and light and generosity is 100% in Elain’s character in the first place. It’s not as if she went into the Court of Nightmares and suddenly Cassian thought, “wait, she fits right in to this shithole of depravity”. No, he still thought the literal opposite. It’s just that once people get used to you doing all their emotional labor, they will continue to take advantage of it, even if they don’t realize its cost.

[catboyclarity]

For Rosarian and that ask thing: 11, 12, 13 15, 23 and 26

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

They refuse to let anybody else except MAYBE their seconds (sort of combo between deputy and body guard, every pack leader must have either one or two seconds) know they have a weakness so if they are confused in public they will either pretend they understand or deflect it onto someone else, but if its a concept they'll seek to understand it.

12. How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

The way I think most werewolves would deal with it, which is turn into a wolf and hope you can more easily reach it that way.

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Dark red for sure, and I designed them with that color in mind as a theme color, so I do think they look best in it. They definitely only wear dark colors.

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

They generally speak in a really controlled tone of voice that is like, soft but very stern. They almost never raise their voice and most of the time the only emotions that come through are mild disappointment/scorn. Intonation-wise, think "stern female professor". In private they're a little more loose but not by that much. They rehearse sometimes since they have to manage political situations due to their position of leadership but generally are good at coming with the right thing to say on the spot/thinking quickly.

23. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

They don't get envious very much tbh, especially at the current stage in their life. They feel pretty happy with most of what they have, but they did kind of get what they have by killing someone so like! I guess that's whats they do, its death.

26. What is their preferred mode of transportation?

On foot in wolf form, but they will ride in cars for convenience. They can't drive so somebody else needs to do it lmao.

(post with questions is here and also i got a toyhouse if you wanna send me some but don't know enough of my OCs <3)

[melohax]

Ok so I just realized that I can send long ask so I will just copy paste my last meta here, it will kinda be a mumble jumbo wall of text so I hope you don’t mind

I have never personally perceived what shadow Basil said about us as he was deeming is as cruel or evil toward them tbh. Shadow Basil seems to be there to ground Sunny back to reality more by recalling him of the past and calling out his escapism to me more. Him saying “but after everything, you left me” is less him calling out on Sunny being evil toward him but more on him calling out how Sunny just mentally completely shut off from reality, him dropped out of school irl and become shut in paralleling to him building an entire imaginary world on “black space” and suppressing the black space as the light bulb locking other half of Basil who knows away, leaving Basil both irl and in dream to be left alone dealing with his own guilt.

You talking about Basil irl and black space Basil occasionally has the same overlapping dialogues of “will you forgive me?”/“do you hate me?” also raised up possibility of Basil irl has also said these to Sunny in the past thus his manifestation saying the same thing to him. Basil in dream world acting completely carefree and sweet is more of him just want to live in his idealistic, good old day of the past tbh (evidence in how 4 years have passed yet the citizen in the dream world never age, dream HERO still 15 years old haha why are you so small) and Omori acting “cold” or “strange” isn’t entirely exclusive to Basil either since we saw the same instance with Mari who was trying to guide Sunny to the truth at the beginning of Last Resort arc, as he is the manifestation guardian who “guards” Sunny’s psych so to speak and the irl instance where Sunny hurt Basil is when them both are in panic and fist fight each other to dead so I think it’s an understandable reaction tbh SFGHVJBK.

There is a lot more but the biggest reason why a large part of me feeling like Sunny doesn’t exactly “hate” or blame Basil for anything he did is also because the way the narration portray him coping with thing, he completely and utterly rejects it, denies it from being real, being “I do not see it” (the closet door lead to the toy book with his broken violin completely disappeared irl in his pov despite other character still comment about it, when Basil was tying the noose to uh do the thing Sunny chose to pretend that he did not see what was happening, when he witnesses Basil’s death in one of the bad end if you try to interact with the door lead to Basil’s room again it will completely disappear with Sunny notes that “there is nothing there”) than blaming it on someone or something else and when he finally forced to face the truth he just blames himself the most, how he just took away everyone happiness irrc

ALSO SORRY AGAIN FOR A LONG WALL OF TEXT AFHJGJJ

Yeah, I’ve already talked in my other posts about Sunny’s coping through extreme avoidance and how it intertwines with him burying the truth in his subconscious and so forth. It doesn’t cancel out how his subconscious does see the truth to the point that Blackspace keeps leaking into Dream world.

Daddy Longlegs mentions this, how Sunny and Omori do all they can to pretend they don’t see the truth, repressing as much as possible BUT Blackspace still ends up leaking into the Dream world regardless.

As much as Sunny’s mind keeps working to get rid of all that hurts him, blackspace keeps seeping into his dreams and yet he still seeks Dream Basil out when he disappears from his mind. This is counterproductive in that it interferes with his own coping mechanisms of “I do not see it” and Omori’s attempts at defending his mind. It tells us that Sunny’s thoughts and feelings are conflicted, he both wants to suppress the truth while his mind simultaneously has him trying to save the person that represents said truth to him.

Sunny and Omori want to keep the good parts of Basil in his dream, the parts that remind him of the good ol days of innocent childhood. Meanwhile, he tries locking away the parts of Basil’s existence that hurt him (Basil giving him the Mari idea, Basil hanging Mari, the monsters Basil sees etc etc) but he always fails.

Daddy Longlegs, the Blackspace void people and the tree in the deepest well tells us Sunny’s mind has never been able to separate his ideal Basil from the parts of Basil that force him to acknowledge what happened.

I kinda also disagree with your other arguments too tbh.

Like I said before, monsters with Basil’s dialogue keep calling Sunny a liar (like the one on the train) and Sunny’s subconscious he tries to represskeeps focusing on how he hurts Dream Basil: Basil telling him he doesn’t feel safe, the invisible shadows in the main room of Blackspace calling Omori and Sunny evil, commenting on Sunny’s mistreatment of Basil and their fears that he’ll do something to real world Basil if he’s not “uncorrupted”.

Sunny’s mind specifically clings to Basil’s “do you hate me?” + his apologies for a reason. Real Basil very likely said these things to Sunny this mind keeps going back to it for a reason. Mari commenting on Omori being cold isn’t the same at all cus Basil commented on it in a context where he was about to be killed and his next words are about how he doesn’t feel safe with Sunny.

When I talk of dream Basil’s almost angelic persona, I don’t mean just him being the way he was in the “good old childhood days” all carefree and sweet. I’m talking about things like how even when he’s being killed, Sunny portrays Basil in his mind as still trying to be kind, understanding and passive even to the things actively hurting him (like how Dream Basil keeps trying to be nice to the spiders even while they’re eating him alive).

Real life Basil isn’t only made of infinite beatific patience like Dream Basil is. He cries, gets angry and really upset at times, tells Sunny it’s not fair that Sunny left him behind. Basil calls Sunny out on lying about promising to always be there for each other and begs in desperation for Sunny not to leave him, once again coming back to him asking “Do you hate me?”.

Dream Basil is also shown as very helpless and someone who would never resort to violence. This is shown not to be true in the real world.

Basil will resort to violence if he feels it’s absolutely necessary to protect the person he loves, like how he physically attacks Sunny at the end, possibly gouging Sunny’s eye out in the process. Basil does this believing he’s genuinely going to save Sunny from the “Something” behind him so it shows he’s not just this eternally passive, soft, helpless being Sunny’s mind portrays him as.

Real Basil is willing to do anything it takes (including resorting to physical violence) if its for the sake of the person he loves most. It’s a contrast to how Sunny in his dreams goes as far as putting his ideal of Basil on this pedestal of “purity” at times. This goes back to how one the invisible strangers walking in Blackspace void tells Omori it hopes real Basil is uncorrupted or else it fears what Sunny will do to him.

Then there’s shadow Basil. He doesn’t just “ground” Sunny, he also reminds Sunny of the consequences his actions have on others. This shows that Sunny’s subconscious (Blackspace) acknowledges the truth even though real Sunny keeps trying to pretend it’s not there and Omori keeps trying to bury it.

These are all parts of Basil that Sunny doesn’t want to see and that he keeps trying to lock away deep in Blackspace so that only his perfect version of Basil remains in his mind. All of the trouble Sunny goes through to shut his eyes and yet when Omori finds Basil in the alternate rooms in Blackspace, it’s as if Sunny’s mind keeps trying to guilt trip itself over how he’s been treating Basil by showing Basil constantly suffering and dying in horrible ways.

So imo the points you made are easily attributed not only to extreme avoidance but also to entangled feelings of hatred, love, fear and pain. Sunny isn’t a completely innocent character when it comes to his mind and certain actions (being able to stab real world Aubrey and stuff) but that’s ok. It doesn’t mean he’s simply a villain, it just means he’s complex and with complicated emotions the same as most human beings.

Of course at the end Sunny blames himself the most, I talked about this in my first post too. It’s by then that he’s accepted his main role in the tragedy with Mari (the fact it was an accident, Basils good intentions, why he isolated himself, etc) and he’s moving towards facing the most painful parts of it. That’s part of the whole point.

None of this means Sunny generally just cruel or callous, of course. Again, I’ve already said before that this doesn’t make Sunny objectively “evil” or anything of the sort. His own mind is the one calling him evil due to all his guilt and so on.

Also P.S. Please be mindful and don’t spam my inbox with so many messages tho 😣 I got this entire message sent thrice in my inbox and then you also sent it as a submission and then you also sent a few other asks as well all in the span of one day. They were all kinda the same subject over and over too.

If it’s tumblr being fucky and sending that many messages repeatedly, I understand and it’s ok but then I’d rather you come off anon instead cus boy it spams.

[paramedictk-archive]

s6 theory

i know that skamfr is pretty much the epitome of lazy writing at this point so it’s kinda useless to come up with theories but at the same time it’s a good way to entertain myself. so. theory time and spoilers ahead

i want to talk about these pictures first and i just want to say in advance that both were posted by crew members on twitter and instagram respectively so pls don’t @ me about leaking stuff because that’s not the case lmao

anyway. those pictures are definitely from the same scene. it’s clear lola’s been spiraling for a while now but she will most probably hit rock bottom in ep5 in true skam fashion. this season has been pretty predictable for the most part so i guess we can expect another argument between lola and daphné/maya/papa lecomte which will make lola go out and get high again. i’m not even going to talk about the possibility of an OD here because i want to believe skamfr wouldn’t do that but at the same time i can totally see them going for that plot. either way, this party scene seems different, i think it will be a turning point in the season so it’s probably from ep5. that eliott picture was deleted from the trailer but i think it’s safe to say it’s from the same scene too. the bluish lighting, the room spinning... it looks like it’s shot from lola’s pov

ngl this whole thing looks a bit creepy but this is skamfr so i guess that doesn’t matter. eliott will probably play a bigger role in the second half of the season and it isn’t that hard to imagine why if you really think about it. things aren’t looking good for lola in ep4 already. she hates daphné and her dad again. she has no friends at school. maya will probably continue to ghost her this week and they might have some kind of drama in this ep or in ep5 (in, again, true skam fashion) and maya is her only connection to lamif too. so all in all she might find herself totally alone by the end of ep5 which could conveniently be a good time for eliott to reach out to her again

we know lola reached out to maya in ep4 when she wasn’t feeling well but if maya is ghosting her she’ll have to call someone else. she probably won’t try to call daphné but she does have one friend left and that’s benny. that’s how the benny reveal could happen if it’s indeed eliott. maybe she texts benny her location or shares a story/post on instagram from the party and eliott shows up all of a sudden at the bar. obviously there’s a chance eliott isn’t benny and he’s just there having fun with his uni friends or something. or maybe lola just straight up calls him since we saw them starting to bond in the video store clip and she might realize he’s the only person she can count on in that moment

when this photo was released a lot of us hoped this could be eliott pov but it might just be another eliott/lola scene. could be the day after that party. maybe eliott wants to make sure she gets home safely but lola doesn’t want to go back to daphné and her dad while she’s drunk/high and eliott is obviously not going to let her sleep at tour pleyel. so he might take her to his and lucas’ apartment and let her crash on their couch (but tbh part of me is still hoping this is an elu scene, maybe from a later ep when they talk about the whole lola mess. like a lundi 17h21 parallel)

i know eliott being benny could be a bit of a reach but i don’t want it to be daphné either, there’s enough drama between daphné and lola as it is. eliott being benny could also make their interactions seem slightly less creepy (but it will still be like 90% creepy to me). if eliott knows lola it would explain why he tries to not-so-subtly initiate conversations with her all the time to make sure she’s okay i guess. i posted my theory about eliott being benny on twitter a few weeks ago. if they want to draw parallels between lola and eliott it could be through MI and their different coping mechanisms. maybe eliott went through something similar, maybe he was in rehab once too and he signed up for some kind of virtual pen pal program to help other people

i would just like to point out how i came up with the concept of this virtual pen pal thing in april and then yesterday eliott posted about mary and max, a movie that’s basically about the main characters being pen pals. it’s also interesting how benny and lola had the exact same conversation at the beginning of that video store clip as lola and eliott did later when she walked in. obviously this could all be a red herring but i personally think them making daphné and benny message lola right after each other all the time is them trying to throw us off whereas eliott posting about mary and max is a clue, rather than a red herring

now, the cursed spoiler. we obviously don’t know the actual context yet besides that it’s for that school project eliott talked about in the video store clip and apparently it’s eliott going behind lucas’ back in some way. again. imagine how tired we are. i’ve been thinking about this and i could only come up with one possible version of this that wouldn’t make me dislike eliott and want to strangle the writers:

lola and eliott start hanging out more from ep6. they probably bond over movies, lola visits eliott at work a few times and he starts giving her movie recs. eliott could mention his project (which ISN’T polaris) to her again and ask her to help him, maybe because she seems interested in movies in general or maybe because he wants to distract her from her unhealthy coping mechanisms and that’s his way of helping her

david kept saying eliott is some kind of big brother figure this season so i guess lola could also talk to him about maya (especially if eliott is benny so she wouldn’t find it that hard to open up to him, considering they already kind of know each other). that would give eliott the perfect opportunity to play matchmaker. if maya is still ghosting lola, eliott could ask lamif to help him with the project too and that would bring maya and lola together again. lamif wouldn’t miss this chance to help urbex king otteli and besides, we can see max in the pic that was leaked by hippo so we do know they’ll be there

i’m not sure about the kiss but i really want to believe eliott will listen to lucas when he asks him not to do it. there’s at least another person standing behind max in the pic, holding the boom mic so that could be maya. maybe eliott writes the kiss out of the script but lola takes matters into her own hands and still goes for it because she wants to make maya jealous. i guess it could be their call your gf scene, skamfr seems to like elu/mayla parallels this season

this way the whole elu misunderstanding plot could still happen i guess and it wouldn’t be 100% eliott’s fault so yay... the kiss will definitely affect mayla too and they need time to resolve that so i guess we can expect this to happen in ep7 or ep8?

90% of this theory post could still work even if eliott isn’t benny or if it’s lola who wants to help eliott with the project and it’s her suggesting they get lamif involved. i guess it’s also a possibility that lola just starts hanging out more with eliott because she wants to run into maya at one of the urbex parties

so in conclusion i know this is probably not how things will go and i wasted my time writing this lmao but at least this version kinda makes sense for the characters i guess? i’m basically trying to salvage what i can at this point since they already messed up by even including the elu drama plot in the first place. anyway, s6 lost its real-time vibe so whatever happens i guess we can just pretend it’s not canon because it’s happening in a parallel universe and we can go back to rewatching s3 🤗

[trulymadlysydney]

HAPPINESS BEGINS: A REACTION

Typing this as I listen, and listening in proper track order so here we go

Track One: Sucker I’ve heard this song probably more times than I care to admit (so I won’t have much of a review here) but it still gets me hype every single time.  The way Nick says Sucker ruins me every single time.  This music video is sexy as hell.  GOD I love this song.

Track Two: Cool Again, I’m guilty of having this on repeat pretty much every day of my life so this song is not new to me and I won’t have too much to say.  This song just makes me smile, like all the references they make, the beat, ugh.  This song makes me feel like I’m in a damn music video. Plus the vocals.  I cannot deal.

Track Three: Only Human Right off the bat we’ve got another funky fresh beat.  I’m diggin’ it.  “Lets find a place where happiness begins” im YELLING! STOP PRETENDING YOU’RE SHY JUST COME ON AND DANCE!!!!  Nick’s voice.... I’m...... not alright! Also can’t stop bopping my head! I want to be drunk with a guy and dance around a living room to this song what the fuck

Track Four: I Believe This song is super about Nick and Priyanka and its super cute wow :”)  IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE BEING IN LOVE LOL CAN’T RELATE BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE I CAN BECAUSE OF THIS SONG!!! “I’ve been waiting for a reason” has me crying in the club right now.... yall like wow I love love shut the entire fuck up WHEN YOU HOLD ME ITS LIKE HEAVEN COMIN’ DOWN! FUCK ME UP! 

Track Five: Used To Be Oh I’m super sad and I’m only two sentences in! Did they just say “You just thought you could do better, so do better” cause ouch I’m upset! i legit am speechless like this is not gonna be much of a review because I’m just sitting here like that picture of spongebob staring at a coffee cup

Track Six: Every Single Time I PHYSICALLY GASPED THE SECOND I HEARD NICK’S VOICE IN THIS SONG BRUH THIS IS SO GOOD ALREADY I want to get up and dance to this song right the fuck now are we joking? ARE WE JOKING???? Dude i love the sound of this album like its very.... different? But not really?  This is my favorite so far tbh BUT WE’RE ONLY ON TRACK SIX LADIES SO STAY TUNED but like you cannot listen to this song and tell  me you can’t picture yourself at the beach or some shit listening to this... also did they just say “fuck”

Track Seven: Don’t Throw it Away Another funky fresh beat okay!! Please I just want to know who hurt them enough to write these sorta sad songs. OKAY THE CHORUS! THE HARMONIES WHAT THE FUCK OKAY I THINK I LIED I THINK THIS MIGHT BE MY FAVORITE?? MAYBE? This is one of those songs like What A Feeling that just has a fuckin GOOD VIBE that is absolutely indescribable I am absolutely trembling... the breath at the end

Track Eight: Love Her WOW this song.... is...... okay maybe this is my favorite?  I don’t know what to do with myself right now?  OPPOSITES ATTRACT AND WE’RE THE LIVING PROOF OF THIS! !!!!!!! CUTE! CUTE CUTE CUTE! LA LA LA LAAAA LA LOVE HER Okay I remember hearing ESNY for the first time and being like GOD THIS SONG IS GONNA BE SO FUN TO SING LIVE AT THEIR CONCERT and this song just gave me the same feeling wow

Track Nine: Happy When I’m Sad Okay this song... relatable a;lkff;kldfs I feel like I can already picture a music video for this song and I know its not even a thing yet lol but also I see myself someday in the future very sad but dancing around my room to this song with my middle fingers in the air because this song is clearly that bitch! Also nick... that chuckle mid sentence didn’t go unnoticed you absolute demon 

Track Ten: Trust HELLO Falsetto? I dig it so much. This song is lowkey highkey hot like okay im sorry but cant you picture yourself dancing around with someone to this song, making out even if you know you shouldn’t? Hello??????????? THIS IS SO HOT? THEY JUST SAID SOMETHING ABOUT “YOUR MOUTH” I THINK AND HOT DAMN.  I love the “ooh-ooh ooh-ooh”s a lot THIS SONG GOES OFF

Track Eleven: Strangers This.... god imagine someone feeling this way about you al;kflk also this is gonna be another one of those songs thats gonna be fucking FUN at the concert.  This is another one that I don’t really have that much to say about because I’m taking it in and I just!!!  ITS SO GOOD. The Jonas Brothers believe in Twin Flames: A theory.

Track Twelve: Hesitate I knew this one was about Sophie before I even heard it but now that I’m listening... I’m literally about to cry.... like he loves Sophie so much.... “I WILL TAKE YOUR PAIN AND PUT IT ON MY HEART” IM SO SOFT.... YALL II REALLY AM CRYNG RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW IN MY BACKYARD. This song is so... soft are you joking are we joking 

Track Thirteen: Rollercoaster Okay so no I have it paused right now as I type this because I HAVE KNOWN THAT THIS SONG IS GOING TO FUCK ME UP AND IM TRYING TO TAKE A MOMENT TO JUST MENTALLY PREPARE MYSELF FOR THIS SHIT.... OKAY.... HERE I GO.  OKAY No already yep this song is going to be my favorite nope this one wins hands down this is it everyone else can go home IM SOBBING “BUT I’D GO BACK AND RIDE THAT ROLLERCOASTER” IM SO SAD like yall we really all grew up huh... like we really all grew up with them and now we are all older and they’re back and we all went through it together with them what the fukc like I cant believe they were such a staple of my middle school/high school experience and now I’m seeing them in October only a few weeks before I turn 24 what the fuck... who allowed this... what the fuck

Track Fourteen: Comeback I’m not even gonna lie I’m just sitting here like.... drained from this whole album experience I don’t even know what to say.  Is this song about the fans? I actually think it might be and I’m :( God yall i love them what the fuck im not... how am I supposed to....move on.... how do i cope.  the harmonies.  the ending part where its just their voices and no music. im. goodbye.

[abiik]

4, 5, 6, 7, 11, 28, 29 + a, b, c, h for xingchen / 1-10 & 15-20 + a, b for zhi yin ?

aaaaaaa thank u for this jo!!!!! sorry this took so long!!! anyway this is. also very LENGTHY so im putting it under a cut <333333

xingchen

4. how easy is it to earn their trust?

it is actually very difficult to earn their trust, only because xingchen doesn’t allow people close enough in order to do so. the very few people who do have their hard-earned trust before the gang comes around is their remaining bio family.

5. how easy is it to earn their mistrust?

i wouldn’t say it’s easy for xingchen to suddenly mistrust you after earning their trust. they actually are the type to hold out for you for far longer than they probably should. while there are like, inklings of mistrust here in there, they’ll probably still trust you to watch their back in a fight and defend you against others who are like ‘xingchen maybe that isn’t a good idea :/’ they have a whole lot of hope & love for the world, though, & it's very hard for them to give up just anyone, especially someone who has previously earned their trust.

6. do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

xingchen was raised that laws are immovable, so they’ve grown up knowing & believing this philosophy for most things. however, as they’ve grown older they’ve realized that maybe they aren’t completely sure about this. perhaps, it can be situational.  

7. what triggers nostalgia for them, most often? do they enjoy that feeling?

snow. winter on the mountain triggers nostalgia for them. seeing the jade amulet & sword that belonged to their mother & the calligraphy set that belonged to their father but mostly snow. they do not enjoy the feeling. they will subject themself to it anyway.  

11. how do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

it mostly depends on where it comes from or who they’re around and what they’re confused about. usually they’ll simply ask to clarify; there’s no use in going into a situation pretending like they know something & they all get themselves killed because of negligence and pride. but…. that pride is exactly what gets the better of xingchen sometimes and it’s fucking hilarious.

28. would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

xingchen would absolutely prefer an unpleasant truth to a lie. they would possibly mumble through it or deliver it stiffly/coldly so as to be detached from the unpleasant feeling, but at least you would know the truth.

29. do they usually live up to their own ideals?

hmm. this is... difficult because so much of xingchen’s ideals were crafted by someone else, expectations put on them by someone else. outwardly, it would seem so. for xingchen, i think that they would always feel as though they have not done enough, or that they could have done something differently; that there is always room for them to improve to become the most perfect version of themself. they’re very tough on themself and i think that it begins getting worse around the second youxiong arc & the aftermath of that & the entirety of new boot goofin arc :)

+

a – why are u excited about this character?

i love xingchen’s energy!! their thoughts and their feelings are something i love to explore as well as like, the way that they’d react to things bc their method is so different than zoe’s. im also excited bc, just. like. the outward perception of xingchen is so different when compared to who they are as a person, unfiltered and raw.

b – what inspired u to create them?

xingchen was the order in the chaos; that’s initially why they were created. the body of their character was this philosophy, to balance zoe, to mirror her. xingchen’s name was something that was conceived almost like, directly after this, and once again, it was a mirror to zoe’s birth name - xian, and the implications behind that. xingchen’s name was mainly chosen bc of the amount of stars that surround their planet: 4. so xingchen’s name & this idea of someone who completed zoe’s balancing act, who ordered the chaos, crafted the idea of a character that was, in a way, the juxtaposition of celestial and earthly (like zoe) but only slightly to the left, wherein even to zoe, this character would be someone you were in awe of. they always sort of felt like the human embodiment of a shooting star, moved by duty and the righting of wrong to come down to earth. xingchen & zoe are technically on the same spectrum, but they have different methods, and that’s what i wanted from xingchen. i wanted a character that did elicit this feeling of awe, because of how amazing, talented, attractive etc. they are, EVEN TO ZOE, but was also intensely stubborn and, initially, very stuck on this ‘my way, or the high-way’ sort of mentality. i WANTED xingchen to create conflict with zoe and zoe to create conflict with xingchen, bc i wanted it to be an opportunity for both characters to be taken out of their comfort zones by each other.

of course, other things, small images, inspired me further when creating a silhouette for xingchen: blue & white; white jade; the sunrise; loquats; clouds; snow on mountain tops; spring; music played on a guqin; ballet & figure skating; swan <3

c – did u have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

hmm i did have trouble figuring out how i would involve them, or any of the rest of youxiong, into zoe’s story after the new boot goofin arc. sure she made off world excursions late in that arc after her recovery, but there wasn’t a lot & my mind was blank. i’m still looking to involve xingchen more maybe bc im not 100% sure on the whole roommates thing.

h – what trait do u admire most?

tbh how deeply xingchen feels things. they don’t communicate it often, it’s difficult for them, both verbally and visually, and sometimes even physically, but they feel everything so, so deeply and that’s. i just really love them a l o t.

zhi yin

1. what’s the maximum amount of time ur character can sit still with nothing to do?

yin can sit still for a moderate amount of time with nothing to do. she fiddles, though, with her fingers or with her clothes, even when she isn’t particularly nervous.

2. how easy is it for ur character to laugh?

it’s fairly easy for yin to laugh if she’s on good terms with you - & this is mostly everyone as she believes the best of everyone, that everyone is generally good.

3. how do they put themselves to bed at night? (reading, singing, thinking?)

yin usually starts by making herself - & cheng – something warm to drink & once she’s assured her brother she’s fine & sent him off to bed, she’ll curl up in bed & read about far away places or an interesting new techniques that she knows she’ll never be able to try until she passes out.

4. how easy is it to earn their trust?

it’s hard for me to gauge how easy it is bc yin DOESN’T trust most ppl. she’s the type of person who looks like she would be easy to win over, & she would be likable & sweet to u, but the only ppl yin is loyal to & trusts at the beginning are cheng, her uncle, and oddly enough, zoe. so like, while she does believe ppl are generally good, this doesn’t mean that she has every intention of falling victim to someone’s wrongdoings or intentions to harm people she cares about bc she trusted blindly on account of this philosophy. she’s cautious, but she doesn’t have this all-around anxiety like cheng, and she isn’t gullible like everyone intends her to be. for yin, i think it is like this: if cheng or zoe trusts you, she will trust you, but she will be cautious, and mostly look to them.

5. how easy is it to earn their mistrust?

i think in order to lose yin’s trust, you would have to lie to her. like, big time. or hurt her family.

6. do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

yin is on the fence with this. with her uncle zhi as one of her mentors & cheng always looking out for her, laws/rules were immovable in order to keep her in a box & (in cheng’s situation) to keep her safe. however, their clan never actually taught them that rules had to be followed so rigidly (they follow a philosophy that one should achieve the impossible) that they were flexible, so i do think yin leans more towards flexible, but has anxiety about acting it out.

7. what triggers nostalgia for them, most often? do they enjoy that feeling?

making soup, walking on the docks, boating out on the river, practicing forms with cheng. yin does enjoy it, even if it is sometimes bittersweet.

8. what were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

stop daydreaming so much. (she wasn’t daydreaming) :)

9. do they swear? do they remember their first swear word?

yin doesn’t swear! not really

10. what lie do they most frequently remember telling? does it haunt them?

‘i’m fine.’/ ‘i feel fine!’ yes.

15. how do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

yin has a soft, pleasant voice. it’s almost like a whisper but its warm & sweet. she has the type of voice that if u were in a crowd, because of the tone of it, u might not be able to hear her even if she was standing next to u & speaking. her tone is always very sincere, or slightly teasing. she can stutter a lot when she’s excited or nervous. yin thinks about what she says usually, but sometimes she does pipe up & blurt what she’s just thought of on the spot. rarely does she raise her voice, but when she does, u know she means business.

16. what makes their stomach turn?

when she goes under. it’s an awful feeling of being disconnected from herself & not knowing what she did while she was out, & seeing everyone’s faces after, looking them in the eye after what she could have possibly done & them seeing what happens to her when she get ‘sick.’

17. are they easily embarrassed?

yes. yin is easily flustered, if that’s the same thing. she fumbles over her words in this case & will fiddle with her hands. crying is sometimes the result of being embarrassed too :) but i would rather not think about yin crying…

18. what embarrasses them?

usually anyone acting particularly brash, or flirty. when she, herself, makes a grand gesture on her own end, and it’s rejected. sometimes being reminded that she can’t cultivate while others can, that she’s a lacking heir.

19. what is their favorite number?

hmm three.

20. if they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do it?

yin might explain familial love as brushing her a-cheng’s hair out of his face & patting his head despite him being taller than her just to piss him off a little, nagging him until he rolls his eyes & does as she says, or finding a blanket tucked over her that clearly wasn’t there before after a late night of reading at her desk. she might explain platonic love as sitting with zoe on the docks with their toes in the water, zoe’s head on her shoulder & both of them spilling their hearts out, or sharing tea & poetry with xingchen for the first time, seeing them blush around the tips of their ears & having to stifle her giggles until they finally broke the tension with a laugh of their own. yin doesn’t know how to explain the difference of romantic love yet.

+

a – why are u excited about this character?

yin has so many different, like, facets & she’s really fun to think about. i really love thinking about her dynamic with zoe, but i especially love to think about her dynamic with others in the group & how she might get along with them & how their relationships will progress. she’s really sweet & is willing to help people out of the good will of her heart but still holds them at a distance & is like…disconcerting in a way, and that’s a character i’m pretty sure i’ve never had before, so she’s pretty new to me.

b – what inspired u to create them?

yin remained a mystery to me for so long, hence why her name is yin. she was like a little shadow. she remains a little shadow. a secret still. something i, and everyone, has yet to figure out. a dark spot with a gentle smile that stayed at zoe’s side. she’s the shadow in the pond that you arent too sure is a stick or a snake or not, but you keep creeping closer to anyway bc you think if it were a snake it would have made some move to get closer to you by now. and yin’s not a snake. she’s the turtle in this story. or a shell, perhaps. a lucky dark little tortoise shell. she can be a little scary at times, as the person creating her, and for the other characters interacting with her, but also she comes off as completely harmless. like a lake or a river wide and deep enough to swim in. yin has really just been fragments and pieces, little ideas here and there, that have come together to create a very healing, loving character that just has an overwhelming flood of love pouring out from her at all times.

there was also the idea, story-wise, of wanting to create a character that doesn’t become friends with zoe specifically bc of a shared interest/goal – yin doesn’t want to kill her uncle; she genuinely wants to be zoe’s friend. they do share traits & like. actual interests – they’re both family oriented, hence why yin wouldn’t want to kill her family – but yin isn’t zoe’s loyal-ass friend bc they have a similar moral code or bc they had similar goals & became close over the course of the mission etc. like jason, for example. the lotus is a big symbol for yin as well, which connects her directly to zoe, who is representative of the center.

ask me some q’s about my ocs!!

[babbushka]

How do you think your writing has changed all these years, Mrs. Z?

Oh dang this is a pretty deep question, lol. I think that the very very short answer is, I’m writing stories now that help me, instead of stories that distract me. Long answer under the cut because, well, it’s long lol (tw for discussion mental illness/trauma)

Back when I started writing, before I even really knew it, I was writing to cope lmao. Which isn’t an unusual thing, lots of people do it, lots of people make art to help them get through whatever it is that they need help getting through. As a child I struggled with a lot of shit that I’m still struggling with now, I won’t get into the details of it because that’s a conversation for another day lol, but the gist is mental/emotional abuse/gaslighting, body image problems/eating disorders, suicidal issues, and also dealing with incredibly brutal antisemitism and homophobia. Things were rough up in my noggin’, for a very very long time, to say the least. 

And one of the big ways that i coped with that was through movies. I watched like 2 movies a day every day for 20 years lol (that’s sort of an exaggeration but also not really), and through that, came the love of stories and the love of writing. I dealt with my awful life by watching a movie and then either by completely and totally ignoring my own misery and writing stories that filled the void of happiness, or by projecting myself so heavily onto characters (whether it was cringey original content or even cringier fanfic) who were perfect and could do no wrong to somehow make my own misery feel a little less real. 

But you know, over the course of a decade or so, as you grow up and as you learn about yourself and you learn about the world, there are some realizations that come to light that impact you. You start to realize that the content that you’re consuming has an impact on you. I grew up and I got smart and I started to see the issue with a lot of the content that I was making and watching, it started to annoy me, because so much of it was just, poorly written lol. 

I stopped trying to desperately pretend that everything in my life was okay, and I started to embrace the fact that things were shit but things could be fixed, that it was never too late to start working to better yourself. I stopped projecting myself onto characters who were squeaky clean and perfect and flat and had no dimension, and instead tried to find myself in characters that maybe were just as flawed as I was. 

Because even when life is shit and you’re a completely fucked up hollow shell of a person, there’s hope. Even when things are bleak, there’s hope. There’s love. There’s solidarity in brokenness, and in working towards putting yourself back together again -- not for anyone’s sake other than yourself. I was tired of seeing women treated like shit, I was tired of seeing fat people and jewish people turned into jokes, I was tired of watching gay people get killed or only .2 seconds of screentime. I was tired of men writing, and in some reactionary way I began to write these like, what I thought were rebellious stories instead. 

So I went from writing these kinda cringey stories about like, nothing of any importance and were just puff pieces to give myself something to look forward to -- and instead shifted towards writing these (also cringey tbh) grand epic fantasy novels where broken people find family in one another and save the day and also themselves and it was always about strong women being incredible and doing amazing things and carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. 

And you know, then you go to college and you go to grad school, and things happen during those years that shape you formatively as a person. You get fun new traumas that adult life brings you that get piled on top of old childhood traumas that you don’t even really realize that you’re dealing with until it all becomes too much all at once. And when it was just too much for me, I turned to writing. All the things that I felt and had absolutely no one to tell, no one to vent to because of my own fears at being mocked or shamed or gaslit or whatever, went into the writing. 

And the writing then changed again, because now it was no longer these fluffy fantastical pieces where everything is sunshine and rainbows, or these grand sweeping epics where the heroes save the day -- now it was just, humanity. Open and honest humanity. Real people in real every day situations just trying their best. People sharing the weight that rests on their shoulders, humans relying on one another to make it through the hell-hole of life, with all the trips and slips and falls and tumbles that go with it. 

So as I’ve grown up, the stories that I write have become less total escapist fantasies, and more introspective/thought-provoking commentaries on my issues with life. When something awful happened to me, I would try and process that through these characters, I would try and give them some semblance of a happy ending, because I could control their lives, even if I couldn’t control all the aspects of my own -- but I didn’t shy away from the uglier parts of their lives, because that’s what made them interesting to me. That real people could have real problems and real flaws and still be loved. Still have someone to want to be with them, still have someone to want to help them. 

I learned to love myself by writing characters learn to love themselves. I learned to process a lot of trauma and a lot of my own hangups mentally, by writing these characters working together and coming together and loving one another so much that it was almost as if nothing could be stronger than that love, not the hate or the bigotry or the depression or anything else. 

I had awful awful awful experiences with relationships and so I started to write nothing but healthy beautiful love, where all the people involved actually like one another, care about one another, support one another. I was hit with horrible and unexpected grief so I wrote stories that dealt with mortality and the way death hits us in ways we don’t think it will. I was assaulted and targeted for being jewish so I wrote proudly jewish characters who are celebrated for their difference instead of punished for it. The writing is me, and I am the writing, just as it always has been, but more honest. 

And now, the irony of it all, is that I’ve kind of come full circle. I occasionally do write fluffy puff pieces where everything is sunshine and rainbows. I occasionally write grand sweeping epics where the heroes save the day. But I’m much more honest about it now. I don’t kid myself anymore, you know? No one is perfect, that’s not how people work, and it’s not interesting to read about perfect people. 

It’s much more interesting to read about that raw humanity that permeates its way into every story ever told. It just took me a while to figure that out for myself, and even longer for the writing to reflect that. 

[trailerparkflower]

Borderline personality disorder + Steve Harrington?...

So I was thinking about how Steve acts in relationships, researched dependency from the partner and then found a lot of info about BPD, wich made me think what many of the disorder symptoms are very fitting to Steve and explains some things in his behaviour. Lets starts, guys!

Promiscuity.

All his teen life Steve been slutting around probably too scared for serious relationships (because its better that way, no one will leave him if he leaves them first), all charming and needy and touch-starved, calming down his desire for attention and affection. 

Unstable relationships/idealization of the partner, lack of boundares.

Then he settled in the realationships with Nancy (who are brave and smart and oh, so stable), which turned out pretty much unhealthy from both of the sides, and Steve became so depended on his her to the point of breaking up his bounds with everyone else( including his probably childhood best friend Tommy) except her and planning all his life to revolve around Nancy.

Fear of abandoment, frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

He fears what Nancy will abandon him so much what he becomes even more clingy and needy, while she gains even more control in relationships and becomes a “top dog” (from Joe words). In ST1 we also see how insecure and  jealous Steve was to Jonathan, his dramatic reaction on John and Nacny hug, jumping in conclusions without any evidences. He even breaks Jonathan camera in the begining just out of his “insecurity” (again, based on Joe interview), fear what Nancy and Jonathan have better understanding of each other. In other words, he afraid what Nacny will leave him for someone else and he will stay alone again. Steve Harrington canonically has big abandoment issues, probably cased by neglecting parents.

Needing attention+validation

Idk if I even should comment it. We all know what King Steve persona was build for getting attention, admiration and validation from others, know how much time Steve spends on his looks and hair, how pleased he is when Tommy and Carol have all eyes on him. When he doesnt get compliments from Nancy, he pouts and praises himself on his own because he needs that.... “see, a ninja”; “make sure you wont forget this pretty face”, ect. You ask me, Steve has the biggest praise kink in all Hawkins.

Inability to regulate emotion, difficultes with anger controlling. Impulsivity.

Steve is one yelling bitch. He is a soft boy, but when he gets really upset and angry, he becomes mean and yelly and acts without thinking. He tears apart his own essay because Nancy couldnt help him with it, he pouts, storms of the rooms, screams at people. 

Getting upset easily + habit of blocking out intense painful emotions.

If you ask Steve how he doing, he probably will smile and say “peachy!”. Not because everything is really peachy, but because Steve prefers to ignore his own problems and things what makes him sad and pretend what everything is perfectly alright. He asks Nancy go to the movie and “pretend everything is normal for a few hours.”, says what his parents totally gave him hell for drinking beer but “who cares, screw them” and changes the theme. Tommy screams “run away, Stevie boy, like you always do!”, wich suggest us what Steve has a tendentions to avoid confrontations and stressful situations. He once again says Nancy go to the party and pretend to be normal teens in ST2 when she voices her concerns, and we see what ignoring problems and pretending is Steves constant coping mechanism for stress fear and sadness.

Distorted self-image.

Steves sense of self also seems to be instable and based on how people around him see him, like with Tommy he was a school bad boy, with Nancy he became a good guy, with Dustin he became a total soft dork as we see in ST3 trailer. He is unsure about his own goals, he doesnt knows who he is and who he wants to be, like wich job he prefers and what he likes to do in his life generally. Tending to base his own self on his relationships with other people, he gets complitely lost in the end of ST2 when Nancy is no longer with him.

Self-harm, self-desctuctive behaviour. Self damaging acts as drinking, drugs, vandalism.

Steve smokes, drinks, gets into the fights he cant win. Stands near Tommy when he writes about Nancy the slut and Jonathan the creep, runs away from cops. I would even say what his fight with Jonathan was quite maschostic, because Steve rilled him up and then barely protected himself and almost didnt resisted when Jonathan pushed him to the ground and started to punch non stop. Tbh for me it seemed like if Steve was so upset what he wanted some physical pain to blur his emotional one.

Dissociation, "zoning out"

Sometimes if you pay enough attention, you see Steve standing/sitting here with blank empty face. Usually it happens in stressful events, when he has some free time by himself. He also gets slow time to time, like hes habing hard time to concentrate. Cant be sure, but its does seems like zoning out. Im think there was even some parody video where people noticed what Steve sometimes gets blank faced and slow in the middle of the talk.

Paranoidal ideas, anixety, nervousness

Oh, this one is easy. You honestly wont find another ST character who is so full of anixety. He is fidgety, he hugs himself in a self-defense manner, he makes himself look smaller than he is, he constantly has the deer in the highlights look on his face, he cant think and act straight when he meets the Upside Down monster first time, so Jonathan even has to grab his hand and yank him to run. We also see how Steve is afraid of the goverment in the ST2, I would say its paranoidal behaviour-its seems like he does think what they are constantly being watched. Says what they will destroy their lives and families and changes the theme what Nancy wants to discuss.

In ST1 he is also ridiculously scared what his parents, dad especially, will find out what he drunk some beer, he gets so scared of this idea what he even calls Nancy and asks not to mention that to the cops, says what his parents will “Murder him”. 

In ST2 he is also pretty freaked out by Billy, in basketball scene when he is pushed down and Billy holds his hand you can see what Steve is trembling and looks like he is going to cry. Im not joking guys, just rewatch the scene....Poor guy just cant have a rest!

Presistent feelings of emptiness & guilt

“I'm sorry? What the hell am I sorry for?”

No matter is he guilty or not, if Steve having a conflict with someone, most of the times he will feel guilty and be sorry, as we see in the show. He wants to apologize to Jonathan for telling him means things, saying, “I just wanna be good, make things right”, buys him new camera (and giving it to Nancy, not presenting it to Jonathan himself.), cleans local theatre, he says sorry to Nancy, calls himself a jerk, a shitty boyfriend (wich is kinda downgrading himself), wanting to bring her roses and say how sorry he is again. Dustin also easily kind of guilt trips (”you promised to protect us”)  him to protect the party in the tonnels, while Steve clearly was against the whole thing, and feeling really unwell after getting his ass beaten by Billy.

Learning disability/scool problems. BPD can make it difficult for them to control the focus of their attention, to concentrate.

Steve plays it cool and pretends unbothered, but he actually tries hard to learn stuff. Even in ST1 we see in his room, what his table is covered by various homework papers. Its been shown what Steve having a hard time with study, what he is eager to be useful but not the smartest guy around, from his really chaotic essay and getting C-, to the Nazis comment. Its seems like he has some learning disability and doesnt even knows about it himself.

 Its also a known hinted fact what Steve doesnt have a good relationships with his parents, especially with strict father, he even calls him a “grade A asshole”. By their absence in the series, when we saw all the main character families, Steve remains all alone in big house, wich makes us think about how neglecting they are. The thing is, “people with BPD  have been found to be significantly more likely to having been abused by parents.”

During development, Joe Keery and the Duffers spoke about “what kind of family life [Steve] comes from and maybe this girl Nancy is quiet and listens in a way that other people haven't listened to him at this point.”-wich is pretty fitting to the portrayal of “neglecting, denying the validity of childnren thoughts and feelings parents”-that type of the bad parenting what BPD people mostly experenced.

“Parents were also reported to have failed to provide needed protection and to have neglected their child's physical care”, what gaves us the possible reason of Steves constant anixety and running away from the problems issues.

So, while we dont know can it be canon or not, I would say what there is high possibilities what Steve has BPD.

[mysmedrabbles]

RFA + V and Saeran Reacting to MC Being a Male Idol

requested: by anonymous

a/n: know that throughout writing this whole thing i was imagining mc as being Taehyun from txt ,,,, also im just gonna pretend like most of korea isn't blatantly homophobic and instead focus on the fluff

like kpop? want more kpop rfa crossovers? donate here to keep me alive and able to work!

warnings: n/a

-tbh not fit enough to be an idol mod alex

Jumin

-frankly he has no idea who you are, so its pretty much from square one with him

-for a while until the two of you get fully used to being together, he actively avoids looking up who you are,,, he wants to know you as you and nothing else

-eventually of course, curiosity gets the better of him and he does look you up on YouTube

-he can’t help but admit you’re extremely talented, the cinematography, of course excellent... but he cant stop focusing on the way you move, strong legs propelling you forward, baggy shirt failing to hide defined muscles, cocky smile as you rap your lines, hair sw- jumin no. jumin yes

-jumin han does gay

-your music style isn’t his favorite, preferring the smooth sound of bow grazing softly on violin strings as opposed to softcore rap, but the songs are catchy, he’ll give you that

-he supports you of course, and secretly buys all your merch

-jumins main issue was with how popular you were, not (only) out of a place of timid jealousy, but also because it made going places so much harder, and your manager was even worse, constantly yelling at you and demanding you practice more

-you always come home from practice exhausted, collapsing into your husbands arms as you curl up under his solid embrace, savoring the few minutes you had of complete and utter freedom.

-highly disgruntled when you have to go on tour

-tries his best to accompany you on tour, scheduling meetings with people he needed to have meetings with anyway nearby where you were performing just to get a few more hours with you

Jaehee

-supportive! she’ll never admit it, but she listens to your music on her way to work, it helps her wake up and feel cheery for the new day, getting her pumped and ready

-yes she owns all your albums

-loves you a l m o s t as much as she loves zen

-she visits you during practice, unable to stop herself from ogling at the way you move so gracefully, yet holding yourself with so much power as you dance

-she lets it slip that you’re not her bias, however if it makes you feel any better you are her bias wrecker

-yes she has a favourite photoshoot of yours and yes she does have a small folder in her gallery dedicated to photos that she deems make her want to cry

-she gets along really well with the rest of the members, and they always invite her with you guys to hang out after work, going together to get Bulgogi or Samgyeopsal

Yoosung

-in awe

-in love

-he’s not generally one for your style of music but seeing you and your group perform, he falls in love almost instantly, bingeing on all your videos, eyes focused on you in every MV, every interview,, he’s so proud of his boyfriend!!

-hes always singing your songs under his breath, albeit badly, but its funny to hear him mumbling incoherent melodies as he’s cooking, especially when you sneak up behind him and attack him in a hug, making is voice squeak out in surprise 

-constantly bragging to his friends that his boyfriend is an idol!! (assuming you’re in like,,, JinHit or something where you're,, allowed to openly date)

-he’s in the front row of every single show you go to! proudly wearing your merch and calling out your name like any other fanboy, so excited and proud of how far you’ve come

-he likes coming to the studio and watching you and the other members rehearse

-often times when you’re working late he’ll come with food in hand, refusing to leave until you eat and take a break. even then he doesnt leave, instead, determined, he waits for you to finish your work, but ultimately falling asleep on the couch behind you

Seven

- “STREAM (group name)’S NEW SINGLE  CROWN PIANO!!!!”

-wdym join the amino? seven Created your groups amino page

-he’s your number one fan, constantly applauding your work and keeping your spirits uplifted, often you’ll walk in on him watching dance tutorials of your choreography, messing around and trying to learn certain moves

-he grins so widely when you walk in, watching him goof off from the doorway, completely in love with the boy in front of you

-pulls you in the room, music still blasting on high as you dance spasmodically together, no a care in the world, just you, him and the 10 CCTV cameras

-while he’s working, muttering numbers and words foreign to you, you’re right there next to him muttering song lyrics and melodies, composing music and bits, guitar riffs and lyrics

-every once in a while when you want his opinion on something, you just unplug his headphones from his laptop and plug it into yours staring at him intently until he gives feedback

-10/10 will hack into your schedule (at JinHit) if you seem more exhausted than usual, giving you more days to rest and recover from any injuries you may have received the days before in practice

-he has attended every single one of your meet n greets, until at some point he became something of a cryptid on the internet, no one knowing who the man with the red hair and funky glasses is any why he’s always with you

-they're gay Steven

Zen

-P-O-W-E-R-C-O-U-P-L-E

-not only are you the hottest couple in Korea, but also undoubtedly the most committed to their work, and yet somehow both of you maintain a stable relationship

-it takes a lot of communication seeing as you both have hectic work lives, but both you and Zen have a schedule where both of you finish work around the same time, him generally finishing a bit earlier, then coming to your studio to pick you up and go home together, then spending the rest of your time together

- “mc please teach me the choreo to your new dance!!!!!”

-he purposefully fails, just as an excuse to make you touch him, readjust his arms, hold his hips as you show him the right way to do something

-having extensive skincare routines together and working out constantly, him putting emphasis on how you need to stay healthy and gorgeous

-casually dropping his name in interviews and everyone goes insane, best crossover of the century

V

-another power couple

-your instagram is filled with stunning photos of the two of you because of him, having the cutest photoshoots together

-such a supportive bean! he loves your dedication to your work, and how hard you’re always practicing

-he’s never really heard of your group, but he has a nice appreciation of your music, what really gets him is how expertly crafted your music videos are

-he’s not sure how to really react to your fame, but the steadily increasing amount of bodyguards around the two of you might be one way to cope

-since he’s a freelancer he can generally come with you wherever you go for tours and interviews, and because of this he’s had quite the increase of fame, getting new perspectives and ideas for new photographic series

-he gets v e r y clingy when you come home from practice late, this whole ass 5′10 man curling up next to you, burying his head in your chest, and with your arms having no where else to go except for go around him, you earn a small whimper from V, his hands clinging onto your shirt as you feel all the tension and stress leave his body

-please dont leave your husband alone for so long

-overall he’s just extraordinarily proud of you, because he knows how hard it is to stay relevant and survive in the any korean industry, but especially entertainment and music

Saeran

-hates when you go on tour

-cant help but admit he likes your music

-but hates tour 

-shy bean when he remembers he’s married to one of the top Kings of Kpop, and always wondering if he’s enough for you

-at one point he got so frustrated at the fact that it’d been exactly 46 days since he’d last seen you, and the constant string of thirst everyone showed for HIS husband on social media got to him so much that he shows up at the airport where hundreds of screaming fangirls await. your bodyguards recognize him immediately and let him through.

-he promptly takes your arm as he drags you back and away into the plane, pressing you up against the wall as he kisses you intensely, bottled up frustration exploding in passion, leaving the fans very confused as to why someone kidnapped you again

[icharchivist]

Maybe the Bookman aren't human....? Okay but I could seriously see that twist coming where at least some bookman are human and some only look it. We still don't know what's up with that eye of Lavi. It's probably got nothing to do w/Innocence or Dark matter so what is it? Magic? Something that reveals his nature as something else? Since Lavi and Bookman Sr are the only bookman we've witnessed we don't know if being 'above' humanity in a way Lavi refers to is common. I do remember in Lavi's

2 flashback in the Ark where he tells Bookman all humans are stupid (obviously not including himself or Bookman). Bookman just gives him this silent unreadable look at that comment before moving the topic along. Bookman didn't discourage Lavi's initial disdain of humanity. But he never seems to share it or encourage it (if anything Bookman seems to have more pity and understanding). All we know is Lavi got picked because of his eye and he wanted to know about the world. Which leads ne to -

3 to believe Lavi lived a much more sheltered place away from much of the world. Shoot for all we know Lavi may have originally been at the Campbell mansion. Not saying he's a Campbell or was born there. But similar to Neah and Mana he could have been dropped there and taken care of until Bookman arrived. That family certainly seems involved in all sorts of weirdness and anomalies. Could even be the place Lavi reunites w/Allen if he's escaped the Noah (Allen is going there to meet Bookman).

Tbh I don’t think the Bookmen being non-human is... that good of an idea? If it goes in that direction, why not, but i think it was important for Lavi’s storyline that he is human, that just, he rejected his humanity, trying to set himself above it by arrogance. 

I mean there’s a clear parallel to have (surprisingly) with how the Noah call themselves humans while they’re also above humanity in many ways. The Noah oppose humanity, but part of them still relate to it in some extend. Lavi is... Disconnected from humanity. He believes himself above it because it’s the easiest way to cope with the fact he’s supposed to lack feelings and the attrocities he sees on a daily basis. He refuses to even pretend to relate. And the climax of the Road’s fight is to realize that he was never above them in any way, that the rejection of his humanity lead him nowhere. 

Lavi even says “I was convinced that as a Bookman I belonged to another species - what bullshit” which seems more to imply to me that this was misguided. 

Meanwhile Bookman himself letting him say this sort of things just kinda help encouraging Lavi to shut down his emotions. That’s the thing too, Lavi sees humanity as a whole and link it to emotions, and as long as he rejects his emotions he can put a safety distance between him and those attoricities. 

I think him being non-human would kinda lessen it? 

the thing is that as far as we can tell, at least for the others three, is that they’re all humans who became the vessells of something bigger. There’s even some sadness to be had to see that those little humans became the weapons of beings that are far bigger than them: part of a script that had been going on for millenium. And so far Allen remains human, as far as we know. And that’s the conflict that’s interesting, if humanity is neutral in this holy war, if it’s what’s between innocence and dark matter: then it’s where humanity becomes its own sort of importance, that’s what shows why clinging to one’s humanity is important. That’s why Allen is chosing a third path, that’s why Johnny became this important: because Allen is offered the path of the innocence or the path of the Noah, and he decided that neither were good enough for humanity’s sake, which is what he protects.

And that’s where the parallel with Lavi is worth bringing up. Because while Allen decides to walk neither path for humanity’s sake, Lavi is more ina  way of walking neither path by distain for humanity. And that’s eventually what he has to learn about, to overcome, why he’s getting heated up for the side that so far had helped humanity. 

So yeah no i’m still on the side of Laavi being human, although I do think his eye is hiding something: whenever it’s innocence related, dark matter related, or magic all together like Cross for exemple who has some.. weird magical stuff.I mean it’s no secret how I feel about Lavi maybe having the Heart of innocence, and I personally would think it would be a neat parallelism to Allen’s dark matter eye if Lavi’s had the innocence - but also, there’s holes in this theory, and still as a foil to Allen, it being linked to Dark Matter would be interesting. Albeit the only reason to think so is really more which plots Lavi had been linked to so, it’s a bit of a stretch.

For magic, if it was, it would probably have to include Cross in the equation for me to completely considering it, since Bookman knows too much about Cross’s magical stuff - and while i’m not found of Cross being the Past Apprentice theory (if only because it seems like what happened to the Past Apprentice is more tragic than just leaving the clan, especially when it’s framed when torturing Lavi saying “you wouldn’t want to lose another apprentice”) I think Cross must be linked to the Bookmen to some extend, from the shared knowledge to the access to the Campbell Mansion that we now know has the Bookmen there. 

And in which case magic is a fair guess, it’s just that that maic is still so obscure i hesitate to really theorize about it. But I would believe that it plays a part.

As for Lavi, I do think he had been sheltered. He became Bookman’s apprentice when he was 6 after all. The notes about where he and Bookman comes from say “Confidencial, but from the same place” so that links Lavi to the clan pretty much, but there must have been something to catch his eye (lol) when he was 6. Now obviously we’re in a fantasy world with fantasy rules and all, but generally people’s mind aren’t exactly formed before 7yo. So anything Lavi might have lived before becoming a Bookman may not have had him form an opinion on the world the way his travels since he was 6 started to do it. So even without being sheltered, i can see how he wouldn’t have questioned how humanity worked before he became a Bookman. 

But yeah I do think he was sheltered, and while i disagree on him not being human, i agree about everything else on your ask tbh. 

And yeah, the Campbells are definitly linked to that mess someway or another. And It’s fair to think they’re linked to the Bookmen and that therefore so is Lavi. Perhaps the confidenciality also enters in account because of that.

So i don’t know... things are tricky. 

I personally love Lavi’s reflection on humanity, and I actually think they’re kinda realistic for someone in his situation. So yeah... yaknow. 

But if he does happen to not be human, well, looking forward what Hoshino has in stock for us, I’m always willing to be proved wrong.

Take care ;O

[purplesurveys]

1561

What was the last useful piece of advice that someone gave you?   I dunno, I haven’t been the recipient of much advice recently tbh. Maybe when Bea gave me my mid-year evaluation and told me it would help to improve on delegating tasks. I do tend to kinda just go ahead and start and finish things on my own at work, but she said that wouldn’t be ok in the long run because should any fuckups happen then that shit would solely fall on me. Since then I’ve been trying to relax more and trust other people with work I’d normally do.

How long have you been taking surveys on Bzoink? Do/did you ever take surveys on any other platforms? I’ve been hanging around and hunting surveys down on Bzoink since like 2009 when I was 11, but I never made an account on there. I’ve always just stuck to Tumblr when it comes to posting surveys publicly.

As a child, did you ever watch any shows on TV that were maybe too grown-up or a little inappropriate?   Not shows or movies because censorship is a thing on TV lol, but this was definitely the case with video games. We had little to no supervision so my cousins, siblings, and I were already extremely busy with Grand Theft Auto games when we were like 5. 

Most of the crimes and all the sex stuff flew over our heads though and all I remember is that we really liked to fire the bazooka up in the sky and pretend they were fireworks. Sometimes we liked to piss the police off enough to get 6 stars just so that we got to steal and drive the tanks.

Do you remember how old you were when you first began to use swearwords?   I started regularly swearing when I was 11 – this I fully blame the internet for, because I saw sooooo many people cursing on Twitter and finally realized how normal it was people to say ‘bad words.’ 

Are there any foods or beverages that you loved as a child but wouldn't touch as an adult?   Milo powder, because yes I used to eat that shit on its own. I’d never ever do that today.

Does anyone in your life use terms of endearment a lot when talking to you? Other than my parents, no.

Is there anyone that you communicate with daily, but not in person?   My coworkers. WFH arrangement is here to stay, so.

Is there a hobby you once had, that you've now lost interest in? What is it? Would you like to get back into it again?   Embroidery. That was my main outlet and lifeline when I was coping with my breakup because it was able to keep me focused for long periods of time and it also allowed me to feel a sense of accomplishment. I don’t think I would revisit it any time soon, but I’m forever grateful to it for...saving my life, pretty much. For that reason, I still dedicate a corner of my corkboard to all my threads to serve as a reminder that it was part of my life at some point.

Do you get many leaflets pushed through your door? If you do, do you bother to look at them?   Nah, not really. The only envelopes we receive are actual bills and other stuff that my parents handle.

Who was the first famous person you recall having a crush on?   Zac Efron.

Which celebrities are you crushing on these days, if anybody?   Jeon Jung-Kook. He’s been looking so good. < LOL same. I remember the millions of conversations I’ve had with Angela and how we’re in agreement towards the fact that as much as we love Jungkook, he could never be bias material for us (he’s too young!). Sort of eating my words now though...man is out to fucking kill these days and it helps that he definitely doesn’t look and feel 25 lmao.

Do you prefer hobbies that you can enjoy alone or hobbies that you can share with someone else?   I can go either way, really! There are things more enjoyable when done with others, like how I really wanna try pottery or jewelry with friends; and other stuff that I’d much rather do on my own, like exploring coffee shops.

Is there currently any food in your house that has blue packaging?   Yeah, I can think of a couple of snacks that we have lying around.

The last time you felt down in the dumps, who or what cheered you up?   Myself.

Name a movie you enjoy that's in a foreign language.   Liway.

As a child, what was your favourite Disney movie? Is it still your favourite? Toy Story. It still very much is.

What is an essential product that, in your opinion costs more than it should?   The extent to which gas prices has risen is absolutely sickening.

As a child, what was your favourite sandwich filling? Is it still your favourite?   Egg salad. Yeah, it’s still a no-fail filling for me.

Have you discovered any new bands or singers lately, that you're into?  NewJeans!

Can you recall the last movie/TV show that made you cry? Or do you not tend to cry over such things?   Two for the Road; watched it last Friday.

Do you remember the last occasion when you were out and about and "bumped into" someone you knew? Were you glad to see them?   Yes, I covered this in the previous survey but I bumped into Cla and Tria - high school batchmates - when I had dinner with my orgmates last night. Yeah I was quite happy to see them! We were friends-ish in high school so it was cool to unexpectedly see them and say hi.

What time was it 4 hours ago? What were you doing at that time?   It was 5 PM and I was just watching a series of BTS videos on YouTube. I had worked on a work deck from 1-4 PM so by then I just wanted to go back to my home.

Do you remember the last occasion when you didn't expect to like something but found that you did? What was it? Beer. I still generally hate beer but the bottle I had at the last company party was pretty ok. What is something about social media that bothers you?   It reveals the worst in people. Just look at Facebook and you can easily weed out the racists, sexists, all the -ists of the world.

What is something about social media that you enjoy? All the cool recommendations I can pick up about different things, whether it’s albums or places to hang out or essays to read, etc.