#tbh this has always been a problem with me

[teoft]

It's like Tumblr has become almost a diary for me, thanks to no character limit and a read more button. This atmosphere of acceptance and understanding helps a lot too.

I'll get back to posting actual art, juggling with Twitter and Bluesky along with commissions is taking up a lot of my time.

Anyway, thoughts about art community and being social

For the longest time I've had this feeling of being an outsider in this vague community of artists that see as colleagues of sorts. Like I meet all the "criteria" of being in the group, and yet don't really feel like I'm part of it. Well, it seems I am right in some way, and the reason is that they interact with each other, while I sit here drawing alone.

Unfortunately I've always been prone to isolate myself from others. I grew up feeling like I should be ashamed of loving to draw, since it was always fanart monsters, creatures and cool guys instead of "proper art" like animals and portraits. Before social media, I only drew for myself and never showed anything to anybody. I hid my art from my family, from the world, so that I wouldn't be judged. I think it is one of the biggest reasons why I have trouble interacting with people in the context of art (tbh I'm shit at being social anyway but that's a whole another problem).

Even when I had a scanner and means to post my art online, I never did, due to the whole "if you put something online it'll be there forever" mindset. My first actual account anywhere online must've been Facebook in 2010ish, where I only had a few friends. It was the perfect place for me to finally post anything online, and so I did: I used to post pretty much everything I drew on there. Slowly gaining courage, I eventually made my original Tumblr account, then Deviantart, Twitter, etc.

Still, all I did was throw my art out there in hopes of somebody liking it. I didn't really know how to interact with the people who commented on my posts, so instead I mostly just... made more art. I did have some friend groups here and there, but either they ended up falling apart or my social battery drained in such a way that I slowly drifted away. I had gotten used to just being by myself and relying only on myself in the online art world.

During my design studies, I started putting more thought and work on promoting myself, so that it could be one career path for me to take. My mindset was that I'll work hard and become "big", even if it meant that one post gained me just one follower. In 2020 I ended up going viral with a meme and suddenly getting tens of thousands of followers. It was great and a welcome boost of morale, but unfortunately 2020 was otherwise one of the worst years in my life.

Throughout the years people have come and gone, so the only constant for me has been myself, and my drive to develop my skills. Thus it's been too easy for me to just isolate myself. In a way it has been my strength with regards to art, but sometimes I wish I knew how to make lasting connections. I think/know I might be autistic to some degree, which adds to the difficulty of being social. Though, to be honest, I don't know if I'd gotten this far without my autistic hyperfixations.

I guess the thing I need to do now to fix this problem of loneliness and isolation is to just... slowly try and be more social. To reply to comments and talk to people. All of which is easier said than done. Still, just gotta take that first step and then keep going.

Despite lacking the kind of community I yearn for, it seems I've made a name for myself, enough so that people seem to take pride in knowing me. Or at least that's the impression I've gotten a few times. But still, I am happy that I've had a positive effect on people. After all, my two main motivators in art are that I like doing it, and I like when people enjoy my art.

[quibbs126]

I swear, it’s always “start a new game” with me and never “finish the game you’ve already started”

Today it’s Sword for the millionth time because I’ve never actually beaten the game or gotten particularly far in it, and I realize I’m severely out of my depth when it comes to Gens 8 and 9 because I barely played those games

[bunnieswithknives]

I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[danothan]

tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things

[autistic-beshelar]

ah yes dungeon meshi, the manga where an autistic man gets repeatedly bullied by people he thinks are his friends and not a single person supports him

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

I've been looking for this one au where Len basically becomes a mad scientist and turns his friends into robots one by one for a while now, and I'm beginning to realize that I just read through your blog while half asleep a few months back and mixed together my memories of your flower hivemind and composite au

this is very funny to me. i'm absolutely honored this blog's posts were enough to evil-farming-game an entire vocaloid au into your memories 😂

i can give you this doodle; it's composite au but i'm sure it'd fit very well with this theoretical mad scientist len au lololl

[tariah23]

Last night, my boss called me out of the blue (he’s never done that before. It was like, almost 9pm and my sister and I were out eating at a restaurant in Chinatown. Well, we’d just left tbh.) asking if I was “coming in today?” And if “I need my hours,” like man, what? And tried to joke about the times where I’d text him to ask if I should still come in because the weather is bad and I can’t work the pool if it’s raining. They literally know this. I’ve been sent home because of the rain at least 5 times now, bro, stop playing with me. He said some shit like “you aren’t just doing that as an excuse to call off, right hahah?” And I just feel like that since they want to fire me, he’s trying to come up with an excuse to do so. He tried to take a jab at me asking by about the weather as an excuse to go into possibly “calling off too much,” even though I’ve never missed a day of work since starting this location. The only days I’ve missed are the days where they’d send me home because of the rain and that one weekend because I was gone for vacation, so they can’t use my attendance at all. I’m late sometimes (only because I’m tired of this place, man. I’m so unmotivated but I need the money orz. The good thing is that the leasing agents and those in higher positions aren’t there on the weekends. Only maintenance and the concierges and they don’t give a shit. I doubt they’d tell on me about being late since most of the concierges hate it there, too. They could gaf.) but my boss sounded like he was trying to see if I was going to coming in today (why wouldn’t I? I’ve been working the weekend for weeks now, what are you talking about 🗿…) so that he could try to have someone new work the pool to give them a chance to get used to it so that they could push me out/ fire me. Jokes on them, I might just call up my main boss on Monday and tell her that I’d like a new assignment because the work place has become hostile and it is now, making me feel uncomfortable.)

[amplexadversary]

I usually find epistolary works really frustrating to read for a variety of reasons, but I have finally signed up for Dracula Daily in hopes that the pseudo-roleplay element makes the format less irritating to me.

[rainbow-crane]

the length of the Junkonalysis just increased again

[moe-broey]

GIRL......................... suspension of disbelief I know but.

Obviously you can pick out a BUNCH of the dragons as that Is an ongoing trope (dragons aging differently than humans, so they can look younger than they "actually are") (also while I did try to avoid including them to make them more comparable to Nino, I think Flayn can fit in either category for the purposes of The Context -- esp cause her dragon blood is meant to be secret)

Not only do we have Heroes skewing younger (a lot fitting into another trope of What If There Was A Baby Sister) we also have Baby Banner. Where the whole point is they are baby.

LIKE....... maybe I'm speaking way too soon and maybe the whole point IS this will backfire LMFAO, but it IS absurd to be presented with her art (which, def still looks youthful!) and having her say yeah I can pass as a kidnapped child. Which COULD be true! But also what do you mean no one is going to know you're a part of the Heroes. Why is no one fighting her on this. Not even including the dragons there are like a handful of Heroes who fit into her exact vibe. Some even MORE baby than her.

[abyssalreds]

gege needs to retire his character death note and hand it off to asagiri i swear 😭

[obstinatecondolement]

I think I might finally be (kind of) starting to understand some of the finer details of A/V concepts that have been a solid wall between me and troubleshooting tech-related vidding problems historically.

[arolesbianism]

Sier? I haven’t even met her! Laugh.

[mybrainproblems]

anyway i think everyone needs to let dabbnatural into their hearts a little more bc he's literally Just Some Guy and often enough, an actually good writer who's given us some really key character moments over his 12 years on the show

[justworthlessreblogs]

no cause you’re so right for naming Kirakira in that potential canon post, I could name every character in that show and make arguments for each one, villain and cure alike. the characters were too ambitious for the show! like, don’t just reinforce that Akira cares a shitton about people, tell us why! Ichika feels that she has to put a smile on her face no matter what, show us more! Noir and Lumière are probably meant to be an allegory for abusive relationships, please elaborate!

THANK YOUUUUU i'm so glad to hear others feel the same way, it makes me feel better knowing that it's not just me overthinking things. i am actually in the process of writing a mini essay/reflection on the characters (will not be published until i finish the series) and it's funny that you mention ichika feeling like she has to smile no matter what because i actually bring it up in the analysis. i think they definitely had the foundations for a good arc where ichika learns that it's okay to cry sometimes and i'm so mad that they just ignored it and went with "ichika learns she has to put precure duties before her personal wants and needs" when that conflict had literally never come up before. with regard to akira i really think she has potential and i love her caring nature but they never actually Do Anything with it and it's frustrating. while i haven't actually gotten to the noir&lumiere backstory episode yet i do know what happens courtesy of being in this fandom for 6 years and yeah. i definitely think they could have done way more with it