#tbh survivor is getting me there
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
azems-familiar · 2 years ago
Note
🤡 and 👀 for the ask meme!
🤡 what's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?
okay weirdly this is a really difficult question for me to answer. i don't generally write specifically humor; most of the funny stuff i've done is sort of in the background and a side effect of something else. hmm. there's this bit from the start of a fic i wrote for Illami, one of my agents:
Nar Shaddaa is, on the surface, a grimy, paper-mache version of Coruscant - all glitz and glamor and gilt neon hiding a seedy underbelly of crime, corruption, and poverty, just like the Republic’s capital planet. Unlike Coruscant, the moon’s political overlords don’t even bother to pretend they care about their lower-class citizens, or the levels crammed with refugees, or the horrific experiments performed here, outside the Treaty’s bounds; as long as they pay tribute to the Cartel, anything and everyone are allowed on the Glorious Jewel’s moon.
Glorious Jewel, ha. It sounds like a fucking euphemism. That’s one species she’d never put her mouth or fingers near, whether their jewels are glorious or not.
and then there's an exchange from the next chapter of my kotor novelization that i am still definitely working on i just hate Taris so much. i am very much enjoying writing Carth and Trask bantering like an old married couple (oh god please ignore that i wrote this like a year ago and haven't touched much of it since. i've been.... stuck)
Waking up feels like clawing her way out of a lake. Sleep clings to her eyelids as she yawns and stretches, the sharp blare of Carth’s alarm drilling through her skull until she forces her eyes open. “What time is it?” she asks, blearily, glancing over to the other bed, and- She rubs at her eyes, frowns, but no, the sight is still there. On the opposite side of the bed from where Carth is slowly sitting up and reaching to silence the alarm, Trask is blinking awake, face pinched and dark circles prominent under his eyes. He must’ve gotten back late; he looks exhausted, she finds herself thinking as he runs a hand over his forehead.
“Too damn early,” he mutters under his breath, and she snorts, pushing herself upright and shoving the blanket off her lap.
“It’s oh-eight-hundred,” Carth says, with far too much energy considering the hour, “and you’d have more energy if you hadn’t come back at oh-five-hundred last night… or this morning.”
Trask mumbles something that sounds utterly scathing too quietly for Shala to pick out before he says, more clearly, “Not even a thank you for the three sets of armor I brought back, captain?”
Shala bites back a laugh, not wanting Carth to turn his glare on her as well, and lets out a yawn before standing, tucking her braids back behind her shoulders. Carth reaches for his shirt, draped over the foot of the bed, and as he tugs it on he says, “Thank you, ensign,” in a voice as dry as the Tatooine desert must be.
“It’s agent, if we’re being pedantic,” Trask says, the exhaustion clear in his voice even around the humor in it, and sits up with a yawn of his own. “We all know how much the military loves its technicalities.”
“Really? You’re bringing the rivalry up right now?”
👀tell me about an up and coming WIP please!
oh god okay. so. i've got a few of these that i'm tossing around from different fandoms. for swtor, i have several different oneshots surrounding my sunlight canon cast planned (there are so many plans actually), but the ones i'm working on currently are a backstory/prologue fic for Ktis and Illitha confronting Vivicar at the end of act one. for dragon age, i really want to write an alternative end to the trespasser DLC for my Lavellan, and i also want to write a slightly different version of the here lies the abyss plotline featuring my Hawke, Anders, and my Lavellan. unknown if these ones will come to fruition or not. but i have thoughts.
mdzs fics wise, i've got a long oneshot that i'm 12k words into and have been stalled on for a while that is a fix-it for Qiongqi path by the power of "wei wuxian brings a-yuan along to the party and shit goes way differently with a child along".
and finally, playing jedi: survivor has gotten ideas stuck in my head, though i currently only have the vague shape of what i want to write, since i need to finish the game to see exactly where and how i want to go AU. but they involve Bode/Cal and dealing with the aftermath of betrayal and also trying to get Bode's daughter back from the Inquistiorius. (yes, i'm aware that's not really compliant with how the game ends, though i don't know exactly what happens. that's why we've got ~au~) and possibly like... redemption? everyone knows i'm a slut for redemption arcs and shit.
tbh lately i've been mostly working on an sw5e campaign and the westmarch server i DM in, but i have missed writing and i'd like to kick this block in the teeth so i can get shit done again
1 note · View note
stealingpotatoes · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media
hands you all this cal to announce i’ve FINALLY finished fallen order (by which i mean i finally picked it up again after those couple hours i played a few months ago and then finished the whole game in 2 days lol)
2K notes · View notes
meta-squash · 2 days ago
Text
I think two of the most important things about Jack Harkness, two things that inform almost everything he does and the choices he makes, are this: that he is a soldier NOT a leader, and that his entire life since childhood has been awash in survivor's guilt (and his whole existence after becoming immortal is an even more extreme version of survivor's guilt).
Jack is not a natural leader. He can think on the fly and he's good at getting people to listen to him, but he's not good at control, or at being objective. He's a natural second in command, he's a soldier. He was brought up to do what other people told him to, and to improvise if he had to (Time Agency, etc). But I really don't think he wants to be the leader of Torchwood. Unfortunately, everything about him means that he has to be. He knows from experience that others having control over him is dangerous, others knowing about his immortality while he's a subordinate to them is dangerous, and he also knows that his own immortality gives him an advantage as a leader. But I don't think he's good at leading. He tries to be. But he's fumbling along, in a time period he's not native to and a planet he's not native to and an unfathomable lifespan, and as charming as he is I think he's often not good with people. He's detached where he should be personal and emotional where he should be detached (or at least more level-headed). He's often too extreme or not harsh enough when it comes to things like discipline or dealing with the problems/traumas/mistakes of his employees or even civilians. He can't handle his employees seeing him uncertain/vulnerable and it makes for huge problems over and over again.
But all of this does make sense because I think in the back of Jack's mind there's always this wheel spinning, these gears turning and turning and calculating the impact and trauma each of his actions or decisions or the events around him are going to have on his own emotions for far longer than normal humans tend to consider. Because the catalyst for any part of the life we see him leading is survivor's guilt. He lost his father and his brother on the same day, joined the military and lost his best friend, joined the Time Agency and lost his memories (and maybe thinks he did something terrible). Then he died, and when Rose brought him back, he was all alone on the satellite with nothing but the corpses of the people who had fought beside him and zero explanation as to why he survived, and he had lost Rose and the Doctor besides. And then all his life on earth since, he has lost coworkers and lovers and civilians he tried and failed to save and probably also aliens he tried and failed to save. And I think by the time he becomes reluctant leader of Torchwood, every action is, whether conscious or subconscious, taken with the intent of minimizing that kind of trauma and the impact of loss.
Except that I think that the survivor's guilt has another layer to it, which is that feeling of needing to sacrifice or absolve himself in some way. No one else is willing to make the difficult decisions, no one else will move forward with the painful and unpleasant actions, even if there's no other way, even though they will someday perish and no longer see the ripples of their actions. But Jack - who cannot die, who must live with the guilt or the pain or the trauma of those actions and decisions for the rest of his very very very long life - is the one who realizes that he must take on those painful responsibilities and must do certain things even though they're terrible, because it ends up being the sacrifice of one over the whole world. And every single time, he's guilty about it, and that makes him want even more to sacrifice his own hurt for the grief and loss of others.
So it's this strange cycle of wanting to protect himself from hurt and from loss and from the survivor's guilt, but being driven by guilt towards painful and/or self-sacrificing actions. Which then makes him fear being seen as vulnerable or uncertain, and he struggles to do things on a smaller scale or in a more level-headed way, because he's not supposed to be leading like this, it's not something that comes naturally, and if he makes emotional connections by being a leader, he'll end up trapped in survivor's guilt yet again each time one of his employees or friends or lovers dies.
It's just a terrible cycle and he's trapped in it for the rest of his existence. Although if he really is the Face Of Boe, then I imagine at some point he eventually finds peace with it all or something, but I think so long as he has a human-form he's stuck with this cycle of leadership and loss and sacrifice and mistakes.
I think it's really important that Jack is not good at his job as a leader. He makes a ton of mistakes, he fucks up so much and his employees or even civilians end up collateral damage, whether physically or just emotionally. He wants to be a good leader, I think, and he's trying, but he's fallible, and he's a stranger in literally every sense, and I think a really big part of his character is that he constantly is forced to live in this bizarre dichotomy where he has to be both very distant and cold and detached, and also very emotional and intense and personal. And any other person would collapse under the stress of repeating that over and over and over again for decades, but he has to figure out how to navigate this weight as an infinite existence that can't ever collapse or let it burn him up and kill him.
98 notes · View notes
fatedroses · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Chance encounters in Costa del Sol.
#ffxiv#sketch#zenos yae galvus#meteor survivor#titus yae galvus#arrecina wir galvus#oc#tsukiko date#camilla lunae#imagine trying to get drinks at the bar only to look over and see your presumed dead great uncle/great nephew standing right next to you#meteor- five seconds away from a heart attack looking over at titus#that moment when youre the spitting image of your father and the warrior of light was *not* aware of that fact#the galvus' are not allowed to have normal vacations#or... well retirement in Titus' case#I am simply here to draw the unaccounted for garlean royals lmao#eventually i'll draw zenos' half sibling(s?) and varis' retainers annia and julia out of their armor#but for now you guys just get to see my silly bullshit of sixty something y/o titus deciding that with nerva gone he's just gonna retire#mans is done with it#im probably gonna end up writing him as the legatus of the 8th- and probably a machinist that eventually becomes a gunbreaker#after lucius passes this man is over all of it#no nonsense machine commanding leader ect ect.#probably dual wielding the gunblade with an actual gun tbh lol#old man doesnt look like wrinkly solus because he spent his life taking care of himself to deal with just... the galvus family in general#dont let the strands deceive you all his grey hair is hidden under the rest of it all lmao#the galvus family brain rot continues and its not going to let me go v-v#(also dont mind meteor teasing tsu for hiding in his shade she does this a lot)
57 notes · View notes
sideprince · 4 months ago
Text
One way to tell someone doesn't really care about abuse victims and is just posturing when they claim to is that when you point out to them that you are one and they're doing things that hurt abuse victims more than help them, they ignore you completely and run away from the conversation instead of owning up to their mistake. They don't care if they hurt people, even, and maybe especially, the ones they've been directly rude and dismissive to. They're more interested in the sound of their own voice than who it hurts, even if it's someone they claim to speak for.
8 notes · View notes
aho-dapa · 8 months ago
Text
This fandom is honestly...
Like, there is something to be said about fandoms in general and how they've changed as a whole generally but
There's also something about how the acotar fandom is especially toxic like
The idea that a post is surprised a murder hasn't happened yet and I found myself agreeing??? Is honestly telling
Like, also. A massive part of this is shipping and maybe it's because I have my corner of this fandom, but even then shipping the "wrong" thing in general has become something I honestly have to take in consideration when thinking of my mental health and if I can personally be prepared for any backlash??
This fandom at large doesn't feel safe and that's majorly concerning tbh
Maybe instead of saying shippers as a group are doing harm, we should just disavow harmful actions in general and not be complicit in it idk???
17 notes · View notes
salemontrial · 6 months ago
Text
Guyssssss hahaaaa tik tok is getting into I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream hahaaaa and they are having tumblr level reading comprehensionnnnnnnn aha theyre treating it like a fandom and not a genuine chilling social commentary ahaaha i saw an AM chat.gpt hahaaaa
Tumblr media
8 notes · View notes
bluevillainess · 2 months ago
Text
There is SO MUCH I wanna say
but it's all so deeply personal and I don't know if I'll ever have the right words for it...
3 notes · View notes
giantkillerjack · 6 months ago
Note
ur post about queerbaiting and the dismissal of people in fandom to critical analysis is so incredibly true thank you. i feel like marcille's writing in the anime has been super misogynistic a lot of the time and every time i bring this up all anyone wants to say is "well maybe this isn't for you! and you shouldn't watch the show!" like. i don't think this is about taste lmao, i am analyzing the text in front of me and coming to conclusions about the craft of it.
[This is in reference to this post]
YES!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
It is so so frustrating!!!!
It's like being at a restaurant and being served a bunch of delicious appetizers, but then one of the bread appetizers is literally just a plate of crumbs; and then when you're like, "Hey, uhh, why are we being served literal crumbs?", a bunch of the other folks eating at the restaurant are like,
"WELL HOW ABOUT YOU JUST DON'T EAT HERE THEN??!? YOU MUST NOT BE THAT HUNGRY, SO JUST FIND ANOTHER RESTAURANT AND DON'T EAT WITH US!!"
And maybe they say it politely, but "Aw, sorry, maybe this restaurant just isn't for you ��" is just trading out an aggressive dismissive tone for a patronizing dismissive tone. It's the same message.
And it's like! I was honestly happy to move on from the crumbs once my complaint was acknowledged because the meal overall is still delicious, but then all these folks got SUPER WEIRD AND DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT, so now I find myself double-checking all the other dishes -- and, actually, you know what those eggs DO look a Iittle misogynistic undercooked!!!!
#original#queerbaiting#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#falin x marcille#marcille x falin#marcille donato#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi marcille#listen i like marcille but u r right she is basically there to be a wet blanket a LOT of the time and that is a sexist trope#i think the bar is super super low for female characters in adventure anime and the lack of constant ogling maybe makes the female#characters feel better written than they are. i mean falin basically has no personality. she's got an innocent heart but that's nothing.#and i think these conversations are worth having bc no piece of media is perfect and this is how we learn to do better#also like. I've seen media criticisms that make me go 'oh you straight up should reserve commentary bc you#haven't watched the show and you're wrong' or 'i see what you're saying but you are simply incorrect' but like#i don't think I'd tell someone to just NOT watch Hazbin Hotel bc they have a bad take - and certainly not bc they have accurately#pinpointed a real flaw about the show (of which there are more than a few but frankly not what became the biggest subject of Disc Horse)#Angel is actually an amazing character & i think people mistook a criticism on the way abuse is glamourized as actually glamourizing abuse#like his song about abuse is called Poison and he's trapped in an abusive performance contract - bringing to mind Britney Spears#i think it is a wildly triggering and painful scene but i think a lot of people took the pain it gave them to mean it was bad art#but tbh they are still allowed to eat at the table if they so choose!!!#sorry i got sidetracked - as an abuse survivor Angel just matters a lot to me. i have a couple serious criticisms of vivziepop's work but#Angel is very much not one of them#also in regards to the actual subject of this post i think the most audacity of the responses i got was the one that said#that by complaining about queerbaiting I was 'de-incentivizing writers to write any interaction b/t women that could look even a little gay#and I'm just like. good. I hope they stop writing entirely. if the takeaway from 'please don't sell me bread and then serve me crumbs' is#'WELL NOW I JUST WON'T BAKE ANY BREAD PRODUCT' then that person is a bad chef. they should find a different job.#or at least do a whole lot of work on themselves. but either way i wouldn't be too broken up to know i won't be getting any food from them.#'just leave then' is so obviously a gut reaction defense mechanism & it implies media criticism should only be for things you don't like
11 notes · View notes
jils-things · 8 months ago
Text
last night i read nort.ons lore entirely and i feel. so sad for him :[[[ (it's really good)
but i think im gonna ignore the whole manor section and just focus on the post mine explosion.... and make him heal from there ueee
i love rewriting canon lore 💚
11 notes · View notes
unheavenly · 2 months ago
Text
꒰ა ໒꒱
#⁽   ˚₊‧ ꒰ა   id: writer   ໒꒱ ‧₊˚   ⁾#the fact that no one really talks about javi’s trauma#like trust me that boy didn’t join the military cause it was a calling or anything like that#he lost everything and everyone he cared about (yes very much including kate)#he dropped out of school and couldn’t deal with his trauma so he joined the military as a way to try and do something and cope#he mightve not been in the tornado but watching it come and getting the readings and screaming into the radio for his friends until he lost#his voice and then seeing only kate walk out and how she was?? not easy at all#and not to mention the survivors guilt and also the guilt of not being able to help kate#anyway he didn’t see his life going anywhere and he joined the military and he met scott there and focused on that#his trauma and avoiding it honestly sent him down a path where he was actively changing who he was to try and distance himself#also i don’t agree with the whole he changed who he was when talking about helping kate and the wranglers and others tbh?#that’s genuinely who javi is… he always wanted to help others from the start#just that facing that meant truly working through what happened and the loss and the trauma and he took refuge in scott and their business#but you can tell his heart wasn’t ever in it and once kate came around she became his priority again and he felt alive again in the chase#also yes he lashed out but it’s what can happen when your trauma is open and facing you and you’re trying to keep your claws in your last#piece of ‘comfort’ that you have. but once he was ready… he left absolutely everything in order to do right by himself and what he believes#javi getting out of those stuffy shirts and growing his hair out again is so important to me because he’s no longer changing his identity#or avoiding his trauma by actively changing!! and im just!! it’s my favorite thing for him to heal and be himself again because#he’s been nothing but a ghost and a follower and allowing everyone to live through him#trauma tw
6 notes · View notes
lauraisakilljoy · 13 hours ago
Text
obx spoilers ahead!!
I'm so conflicted about the season 4 ending because on one hand I get it. life is unfair, it's unrealistic to give all of your characters happy endings, especially if said characters are constantly putting themselves in danger. it makes sense that not everyone survives four seasons of near-death experiences like being held hostage, getting shot at, almost drowning etc. on the other hand I can't help but be bitter that the person who had been abused/mistreated their entire life and who was clearly suffering was the one who had to die. at the hands of his biological father, may I add. I’ve seen some people say JJ was annoying this season and I get where they’re coming from, but all of his impulsive decisions and everything that happened at/after the town meeting just made me sad. he was struggling so much that he didn’t care what happened to him or if he lived or died. all he wanted was a future where he could live with his friends in their own little paradise without a care in the world. with the money from the crown and shoupe’s promise, it seemed like he was so close to happiness and inner peace, but they didn’t let him have that. so yeah, I get why they did this, but that doesn’t make it less upsetting.
#yeah I know it’s not that deep and it’s fictional#I just wanted to put my two cents in ig#I know they all had issues with their parents#not one good parental figure in sight (except pope’s parents tbh)#but jj’s story hit me the hardest#I’ve seen some people say that he was suicidal in s4#and I remember thinking multiple times throughout the season that he was depressed or at least extemely sad/hurt by. well. everything#so that’s what I mean when I say he was struggling (did this even need explaining idk)#there's also something to be said about the “realism” of this show lmao#rafe holding that giant cross by himself? sarah resurrecting after a fatal shot wound? sarah and jj not drowning in that storm?#those are just a couple of examples of how unrealistic this show is#yes it's entertaining but I think we can all agree that a lot of the shit that happened on the show would never work out irl lmao#so I feel like if your show is that unrealistic you can actually afford to give everyone a happy ending#also I just think that it would’ve been nice for abuse survivors/people with mental health problems to see that life can get better#but that’s a whole other tangent#also do not get me started on the fact that rafe was the one to bury him#obx spoilers#outer banks spoilers#outer banks season 4#obx#outer banks#jj maybank#john b routledge#sarah cameron#kiara carrera#pope heyward#cleo anderson#abuse mention#laura yaps#I wrote this at night pls excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes I’m tired
5 notes · View notes
pics-pizza-peace · 5 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Mark Hoffman (MLP!AU) pinboard
5 notes · View notes
voidfragments · 11 months ago
Text
donghua qr was a mistake actually bc now i have to see people's opinions about him more than i did before
5 notes · View notes
attractthecrows · 6 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Ilithra my beloved. Ilithra my darling my doll
#ilithra tillahnen#me: yeah this guy revallen's got a dead wife. (<- a fool who is going to get attached sooo so fast)#why am i so INTO characters whose optimism is what ultimately kills them. fucked up behavior tbh#anyways. ilithra is nessie's mom#she was born in an alienage in (throws a dart at the free marches) wildervale#her parents left the alienage with her when she was like 6 or 7 in hopes of finding a clan of Dalish willing to take them in#they were found some months later by clan Tillahnen on their way back from an Arlathvhen#she and revallen were the closest in age#so while dirennen took over directing & helping her parents to acclimate - revallen did the same for her#and they became very close#(it still surprised the fuck outta him the first time she kissed him. he also was not expecting her proposal)#she took to the dalish ways quickly & easily thanks to revallen's help and became one of their better hunters#during the famine it was her idea to trade with the local human village. she remembered a few kind humans from the alienage#unfortunately the village was also starving and panicked. when her hunting party approached they attacked assuming it was a raiding party#by the time they realized their mistake - that the elves had come with things to trade - ilithra and 4 other hunters had been killed#the humans apologized to the survivor and gave them as much food as they could spare but the damage was done#and from the humans' perspective - the local dalish clan scattered to the winds#(revallen took his daughter and left the clan. the clan set out to search for them. none of them ever returned to the area)#maybe i should tag this so i can find it!#atc arts#revallen lavellan#dragon age
4 notes · View notes
eevyerndracaneon · 1 year ago
Text
the funniest thing abt rain world being so difficult is that actually. i get to decide what parts are difficult. *turns dev tools on*
10 notes · View notes