#tbh it's complicated to answer a lot of this when I'm actually working with so many characters I don't do stuff with in P1 and P2

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

I’ve been a lurker for a little bit and I love your stuff, could we pretty please get some Headcanons for Charon or Gob. I’m on my knees over here they have like no fanfic or content 😭

What a coincidence, I literally just posted headcanons for Gob here (NSFW), and our favorite bouncer is next. I also have long-form works for both in the pipe, but the Charon piece already has some serious work done on it.

Charon's writing frustrates me endlessly tbh. He's so intriguing (and fuckable, obviously), but there's so little there in the canon to answer the questions you naturally have about him. So, I may be taking a few liberties here.

Charon (Fallout 3) NSFW Headcanons

I firmly believe he's prewar, and I think he's been enslaved/"under contract" since he became a ghoul. Regardless of how the whole contract thing works, he has the same issue as Gob where he hasn't been allowed to have desires or boundaries, just in a different way (Charon is obviously able to defend himself physically, and even technically has some manner of free will, but he knows that there are often unpleasant consequences for failing to obey his contract holder). The man IS a slave, but a strangely complicated one. If you want meaningless sex, he'll give it to you. Whether or not he actually wants or enjoys it, you'll never know without a real connection or a long, long time of studying his general behavior. He's incredibly hard to read up front, agreeable but not really warm or open.

His contract is supposed to entitle the holder to his labor in combat, so he's not really required to do anything else, as far as I can tell, including have sex with them if they ask, but I think he would use it as a sort of excuse to do so if he was already inclined.

You can't give him the contract or otherwise "free" him from his enslavement in the game, but in my opinion, that's silly. Sure, I think it would take a long time of him getting used to the idea of it, but I also think he'd certainly WANT to no longer be a slave at some point. Eventually, the contract is moreso an excuse. He never takes it from you when you offer it to him; he's following you because he has nowhere else to go, because he wants to. Eventually, he's following you because he's in love with you in his own way. But as long as you physically hold that piece of paper, he has the excuse.

If he does care about you, he will resist your physical advances, at least at first. He believes he's protecting you, as he always does, by sparing you from the social consequences of choosing to be with a ghoul. However, at the end of the day, he wants you, too, and eventually he won't be able to deny himself, especially if he knows you won't deny him. Even then, he'll kind of hate himself for being too weak to not fall in love with you, and he'll feel insanely guilty and selfish for not letting you go like he should. He's a fairly morose man overall, and I think he'd spend a lot of time pondering what the consequences of you two choosing one another this way will inevitably be.

Even with that under consideration, he'd still be happy with you. Keeping you safe and happy is pleasing to him (even if he likes to feign annoyance at your little peculiarities and your choices sometimes), and you'd get to slowly, painstakingly slowly begin to see him sort of begin to become his own man again. Over time, he'll talk more, but it's still almost always to ask about you, to remark about something that isn't himself.

Speaking of which, once he begins to "wake up", so to speak, become more aware of his newly-granted autonomy and his desires, as well as your own, he's gonna be rearing to go all the time. Slowly, he's gonna become fully cognizant of the fact that you really do want him as much as he wants you, so...why shouldn't you be fucking right this second, again? Doesn't really matter where you are. Who's gonna stop him from fucking you? Who's gonna succeed if they try? What I'm saying is this: I hope you're ready to basically be a free-use pocket pussy for this big-ass ghoul.

Some ghouls, like Cooper Howard, were once pretty serious ladies' men who've developed some hard edges over their long lives; despite this, that charisma often remains buried somewhere deep inside them, waiting to jump out at the right person. Charon is not that. This man had zero game before the war and he has less than none now. If you want traditional romantic gestures from him, you are going to have to specifically explain and request them, as unromantic as that may sound on its face. He wants to see you happy, but he's never really had to think romantically, so it doesn't come naturally to him at all. He knows about foreplay as a concept, but lacks patience and finesse when it comes to getting things started. Lots of shoving his hand up your shirt, down your pants sort of awkwardly in the beginning. Roughly groping you to signal he's in the mood to the point where it sort of hurts.

You know what they say about men? The dense ones fuck the hardest. Charon IS that; he's not unintelligent, just a very straightforward thinker. But he's obviously great at following directions, including when you beg him to fuck you until you can't stand.

He's just as quiet during sex as he is normally, save for a few grunts and growls and occasionally asking if you're okay, but you may notice over time that he's more physically affectionate. Likes to stroke your face, pet your hair, pepper you with kisses in a way he usually doesn't. I think he would see you being distracted by him rearranging your guts as an opportunity to be slightly more vulnerable.

Big fan of cockwarming. Already likes to just hold you in his arms while you both do something quiet, but he likes it even more when you're doing whatever you're doing slid down on his cock. His favorite is when you climb up into his lap, naked from the waist down, sink down on him, and immediately take a nap on his chest.

[utilitycaster]

The answers Marisha gave in this 4SD felt a lot more realized than in the past, which is good! But it still makes me feel like this character concept is incredibly ambitious and when juxtaposed with the various "I don't want to think anymore"/"go with the flow" statements I'm not sure she realized that.

The biggest example is that Laudna has two conflicting traits: she is extremely sensitive to betrayal, and she is very quick to trust even after experiencing a number of betrayals in her life. And when I say "conflicting" I mean that they are in conflict with each other, not that it doesn't make sense for a character to be a complicated person with traits that frequently work against them; in fact that's in my opinion a fantastic way to create a compelling character. But it feels like the why is only just starting to get explored in any capacity, and because of that even good choices raise more questions: why is this only coming out now; why so young a regression; why has it peeked out so weirdly and inconsistently in the past; why haven't the repeated betrayals in the past two months affected her mindset and made her more closed off. It once again makes me really wish we'd gotten a sustained outburst after the party reunited, because that would have made far more sense - a fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me situation.

I agree with the opinion that Laudna conceptually just fits far more with being an actual child herself - her desire to befriend children frankly comes off slightly weirder (not line-crossing or anything, just a little off) than it would had she died younger, as does her approach of dolls, and her failure to do anything with Delilah would make a lot more sense if she was at an age to be much more reliant. It would also make her inability to just blend into a city much more reasonable; no one is going to rent to a lone 11 year old. It really does feel that when the creepy child idea was rejected - which is a valid choice - it wasn't reworked sufficiently to fit someone who died in her late teens or early 20s.

I also don't really get the idea of her childlike nature being without malice. A pretty consistent theme for the various traumatic childhoods the characters of Bells Hells (and, tbh, past parties as well) has been the cruelty children are capable of - Ashton even says it in 3x78. Delilah being stuck with someone without malice would honestly lead to a situation in which Laudna was very trusting of her, which isn't the case, which again goes back to the conflict of betrayal as a trigger vs. being so quick to trust. Given that Laudna was frequently bullied and rejected as a kid, one would think she'd be aware of this. The specific example of Delilah calling Ashton a child and Laudna making him a doll still works wonderfully, but the overarching theme falls apart in places.

I think things have been on an upswing as of late, but ultimately we're at a point where, without some retcons I don't think Laudna will ever truly make complete sense because it's just such an intensive concept that did not get the work that required, and still feels reliant on a now-rejected premise.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

which solo songs by the beatles would you say are their "best"? as in, great production, great structure, it shows off their strengths as musicians, etc... although i get it's totally subjective, which ones would *you* pick?

this is SUCH an interesting question, thank you so much!!!!

My Sweet Lord is genuinely like my favourite George song, but given its semi-plagiarizing and how simple it is, I think I can't call it his best outright, although it's his most iconic slide guitaring for a reason. A very strong contender would be Isn't It A Pity, which I think is absolutely gorgeous lyrically and incredibly effective musically. I've also always loved When We Was Fab as a Beatles pastiche and think it's amazing melodically and production-wise. I'd also say Run Of The Mill, which is emotionally and lyrically incredible and rhythmically very interesting. It keeps switching time signatures!!! I also kind of wanna say Someplace Else but I can't fully defend it, though. I'm also super partial to Who Can See It though I don't find that a typical George song at all, so I'm not sure it fits your criteria. (also bear in mind I haven't reached Brainwashed yet!!)

For Ringo, tbh I am going to say Vertical Man. this is a GREAT song that I feel really captures his character so well, the light whimsy and the dark undercurrent. It also really works for his voice and the drumming rocks. It's still not on my Spotify!!!!! KMS!!!!!

For John, I think the three songs I'd say my three favourite songs are (in no particular order) #9 Dream, Nobody Loves You (When You're Down And Out), and I'm Losing You (okay and also (Just Like) Starting Over) and I think those all demonstrate John's different lyrical strengths – the dreamy imagery, the sad resignedness, the bitterness – incredibly well, while all having quite excellent production. I think John is kind of underrated as a producer and a lot of the stuff he's credited on (and Spector is not credited on lol) has a great vibe and shows a lot of vision. I also might throw in Scared which I think is super overlooked and to also add a more stripped back song, I'd go with Isolation, which to me is kind of the core of Plastic Ono Band.

Paul has my definite favourite solo career, so it's hard to narrow it down fully. Band On The Run is probably my most basic answer but I do think it's just that good and definitely one of his most effective suites. I would also say Junk, which I think is pure poetry and musically perfect. Tug of War is probably my (co-)favourite Paul solo song but I've seen a lot of people call it too melodramatic. I sort of see what they mean, but I love the central image so much, how complicated it is. I also think Here Today is one of his strongest songs lyrically, actually. Okay, let's throw out a few more: My Brave Face is like peeeeeaaaak upbeat but sad breakup song and I love it to bits. It'll definitely end up on my spotify wrapped. I also think Distractions is one of Paul's most gorgeous melodies and the production is so cool to me. It also feels so sincere and romantic idk. ALSO, circling back to Tug of War the album, I wanna say: I think The Pound Is Sinking would 1000000000000% be a universally recognized masterpiece had it been on a Beatles album. It is the absolute sweet spot of Paul's abstract yet impactful lyricism. I also kind of wanna say Heaven On A Sunday though I find that, like Who Can See It, not that typically Paul per se. It and Warm and Beautiful are perhaps my favourite songs about Linda he wrote.

I'm interested in your thoughts, anon!! and what do others think?? does anyone agree or strongly disagree with any of my takes?

[yeehawpim]

HI UM i really admire you and your art and i was wondering --

so i really love the way you format your comics, its really straight-forward and lets the reader process every word with ease (which i think adds to the impact of the writing), and that one rue comic with the split colors for the parentheses... how do you do it without making it look so messy?? to bring up another example, the hide-and-seek comic- i love how subtle and genius the call back to hiding behind the door was, it blew my mind... i take a lot of inspiration from the way you format and lay out your comics but for some reason i cant wrap my head around how you do so much with so little (in reality this might just be the result of me wanting to add so many little details for others to find , while being conflicted on keeping it simple, and,,, AGH...) for context : im trying to make a comic about isolation, but i keep filling up the page because i want to add things - when really i know i should be keeping it simple... but other than removing unnecessary details, i want to know what else you do to make your comics so clean and simple yet it rips out the emotions from your heart and has you stare at it as it beats. like... i want that type of impact!! i want to affect others on such an intense level!! i want to induce emotions!!! but how?

(sorry this was long, HAHAHA i just want to drive my point home- again with the 'wanting to add a lot of stuff to prove a point' thing but i digress)

ok first of all that is a huge compliment and it means v much to me, thank you 😭🙏❤️❤️

tbh for me the answer of keeping things uncluttered is paying attention to spacing and eye direction. Spacing depends on timing, if you want an action to happen slowly for instance you can make the space between panels longer, or take more panels for someone to complete an action. There's tricks for directing your eye, if you ever read anyth about focal points (eg biggest contrast, triangular shapes pointing towards what's important), but really with comics I keep in mind you're reading left to right and top to bottom.

The ruehob comic is actually simpler than you think 😅 I already knew which text had to be on the left and right with august's text post. And after that the "lanes" were so narrow there weren't a lot of complicated things I could do, just make sure you still read left to right and saunter vaguely downwards.

when you talk about putting little details, that doesn't necessarily have to distract people. Like I honestly applaud you having the drive to do detailing. You just have to make sure your compositions allow for it. Like if you think about ghibli backgrounds, they're elaborate and beautiful af.

For smth about isolation, my first thought was that you can draw a person in a setting alone among a bunch of objects, for instance. If you keep the person small but surround them with a bunch of detailed objects, it could feel very lonely. Just make sure the person still stands out b/c they're what's important, so for example the background stuff is a less saturated colour, or the person is the least detailed thing on the page. I think that's the main thing, you just have to make sure the things important to what you're saying stand out. Clarity is rlly half the battle when I'm laying things out haha

In school our teacher called this "killing your babies" because it sucks when you work hard on a cool drawing and it just doesn't work out😂This also still happens to me, it's actually partly why I keep things simple so I can work fast and throw out less

Here is a timestamp from supereyepatchwolf's video about Chainsaw Man, which has some of the coolest fuckin layouts

He's got other stuff that talks about manga and how eye direction can work and what cool stuff has been done. Off the top of my head his vid about one piece and his vid about gantz have helped me understand how to cause Emotions. Also I think he has one about Junji Ito that specifically talks about how details can make you scared, if you're into that 😂

hope this helps!

[wolfsbanesparks]

I'm curious and making a seperate post about the forgotten and older Captain Marvel characters from the past comics, but what are your thoughts on them? A bunch of them aren't even used anymore, but have so much potential to them if they're ever brought back.

Like Joane Jameson, apparently she was Billy and Captain Marvel's secretary at Whiz Radio, who knew of both of his identities and helped them. I really like this idea and think it would really be useful for a Billy Batson that's a street kid and constantly wary of adults who might want to turn him back in to the foster system, she provides a safe example for Billy to look up to and actually trust. Not just that, but she could also provide assistance for Billy/Captain Marvel on missions, things he may lack insight on or informing him of villainous attacks/incidents.

Are there any characters you wish to see be brought back to the present day comics or see them be included in fanfictions more? I also really like the idea of Dr. Sivana's children be brought back into the action more, especially Beautia, since she's actually a good person (from what I remember) and on good terms with the Captain

So it's taken me literally forever to answer this because every time I do I go down a mini research rabbit hole about older/unused characters because there are SO many that I would like to see more of.

My thoughts under the cut because it got long.

This isn't even everyone, but it's a lot of cool underutilized characters I'd love to see brought back.

Because of the number of characters, I'm splitting them into categories for ease of reading:

Civilians

Cissie Sommerly: Billy's girlfriend and the niece of his boss Sterling Morris (who also needs to used more tbh) She is a sweetheart who loves her little brother (Pete) and is very kind hearted. She didn’t get much development in the older comics, but she often had to deal with Billy and Cap’s shenanigans. I would love to see more of her!

The Sivana kids Beautia, Georgia, Thad Jr, and Magnificus: we recently got an adult Georgia in the New Champion of Shazam but I want to see the whole family together! And exploring their family dynamics with only half of them being supervillains would be so fun! They love each other but it's complicated. Georgia and Thad jr were basically parallels to Mary and Captain Marvel Jr and that was a fun balance. Meanwhile Beautia and Magnificus weren't really interested in their father's evil scheme though they gkt roped into them sometimes. And of course Beautia's crush on Captain Marvel causes problems but she's still awesome and even tutors Billy for school.

Sunny Sparkle: basically he was so universally beloved by everyone who met him that they just gave him things. Bank robbers would just hand him their stolen cash. Car jackers would give him the keys. He was gifted so much stuff every day that Billy had to help him donate and sell stuff regularly. In modern comics, I think it'd be cool if he was unknowingly a metahuman whose power was being hypnotically charming.

Freckles Marvel: she was Uncle Dudley's niece and despite not having powers, liked to tag along on adventures especially with Mary. She's a lot like Darla with her upbeat little sister energy. I can see them being friends in modern comics (or maybe even related since they both have the last name Dudley)

Dexter Knox: a child prodigy and inventor who was good friends with Billy. He's basically the smartest person in Fawcett and he loves showcasing his inventions to Billy.

Villains

Arson Fiend: an insurance salesman that uses extortion and threats of arson to meet his sales quota. He drinks a potion that gives him fire powers which he uses to commit arson against people who didn’t buy insurance from him. We've talked a bit about his connection to other Captain Marvel villains like Lady Blaze who healed him and gave him his powers back when he lost them. He's such a simply evil character that works really well for comics.

Chain Lightning: a teenager with multiple personalities and the power to control lightning. She has 4 personalities: Amy (the "main" alter), Amber (the more angry/volatile alter who protects the system), the Inner Child (no name besides that but encapsulates their child like wonder), and ID (the embodiment of their id, thus more impulsive than the others). She actually absorbs some of the Marvel’s magic lightning which allows her alters to temporarily have their own bodies. Amy is in love with Captain Marvel Jr because he saved her life, but the other alters are more wary of him, especially Amber. While any adaptation of Chain Lightning needs to be conscious of the ableism that happens when depicting a system, I think there's a lot of great potential with this character.

Sabina: she is technically from the Trials of Shazam not Fawcett comics, but I think she's cool. Basically she was raised by a cult called the Council of Merlin. She was destined to be 10th in line to receive the powers of Shazam so she starts killing those ahead of her in the order to ensure that once Billy was mo longer the Champion the powers would go to her. But when Billy was transitioning to become the Wizard he chose Freddy as his Champion, bypassing Sabina and the predestined order of things. So Sabina decides to kill Freddy AND the gods he was going to get his powers from. She's so evil and cool and I really like her design. I definitely think there's a way to bring her back.

Fawcett Heroes: there are a ton of fun characters that weren’t necessarily Captain Marvel characters but were part of the same world before he was a DC property.

Bulletman and Bulletgirl: literally Billy’s favorite superheros! He reads their comics and everything! They were very popular at the time, Whiz comics second most popular characters behind the Marvels. They are a husband and wife duo that gave themselves superpowers (strength, durability etc) which they use to fight crime, particularly supernatural villains.

Mr Scarlet and Pinky: Brian and Pinky Butler are a father-son vigilante duo. They were so good at their jobs that Brian barely had any work as a district attorney because of such low crime rates. They were basically a working class version of Batman and Robin. They're good friends with the Marvel family and when Mary got her first solo series, part of the advertising was having Pinky send her pen pal letters inviting her to have new adventures with him and the other Fawcett characters.

Ibis the Invincible: an Egyptian prince whose mummy was uncovered and brought back to life (by Shazam). He uses the Ibistick, an extremely powerful magical wand, to help people as he adjusts to modern life. He can do just about anything as long as he has his wand and often gets thrown in the middle of conflicts between gods.

Kid Eternity: aka Kit Freeman, Freddy’s long lost little brother with ghost powers! After dying in a boating accident when he wasn’t supposed to, he was brought back and given powers as compensation. He can summon spirits, turn invisible, and become intangible, though his powers shifted over time. He's such a cool character and he deserves more love!

Whew that was a lot! If anyone else has characters to add (and I know there are many) I would love to hear about it! And if any of these characters intrigue you I encourage you to check them out and sneak them into your fics!

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Hello, can I ask what do you mean "in canon it's impossible for Sherlock to settle down with a woman"? Like, as a fan of Holmes and always read the books since middle school, I'm kinda confuse here, I don't mean anything negative. Sorry, do you think Poirot (from Agatha Christie) is also queer?

Maybe because I grew up with very religious mother and lived in anti-LGBTQ country, I'm kinda slow in picking up subtext. Like until now I'm still kinda confuse with my friend who have ships from any fandoms (but I still love to hear and read her headcanons or fics about those characters)....

I really agree with you, I've seen many Holmes' adaptations (cartoon, tv series, manga) but Yuumori is clearly the closest to Doyle's works. Do you think the mangaka also love to read Holmes' books?

Story time! (Welcome to "Hyper answers asks like an old lady going on an hour long barely-on-topic tangent at the slightest prompting.)

I totally get where you're coming from, I was raised in like...knockoff Southern Baptist churches. Growing up, homosexuality was presented to me as a sexual perversion incapable of involving real love. It's kind of silly, but it's true: a ship was a big part of changing that for me. I read Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle as a teenager, and Kurogane and Fai had something that was inescapably romantic and beautiful but never strictly sexual (tho the potential is certainly there). Between that and an online community of LGBTQ+ adults who were incredibly patient and kind towards me even when I was suuuuper ignorant, I started to open up towards queer relationships as...well, just relationships. Relationships that can encompass sex and also encompass love and friendship and communication and partnership and all those other things I'd been taught were exclusive to monogamous straight people. And then, even as terrified as I was, I was eventually able to face the fact that I'd always had crushes on girls just as often as crushes on guys. So yeah, there's a reason Kurofai is my ship of all ships, the actual One True Pairing for me. Because it cracked open a door just enough that I could slowly lever it open the rest of the way. There seem to be quite a lot of anecdotes like this: women enjoying BL/mlm ships is often seen as fetishy (which can certainly be part of it) but for some reason I can't fully articulate it also seems to sometimes be a means for girls and women to explore their own not-straightness.

ANYWAY. SHERLOCK HOLMES. Tbh I'm not gonna go too in-depth because I would bet good money that there are a bunch of scholarly articles on Holmes' queerness. People have probably done their doctorate theses on this! Much smarter and more well-read folks than I have already covered the topic. For me, it really boils down to: he never outright expresses sexual or romantic interest in anyone (we must resist the urge to assume his respect for Irene Adler is romantic just because he is a man and she is a woman). He's almost certainly on the asexual spectrum. But when he does exhibit symptoms one might associate with romantic and/or sexual interest (particularly romantic, imo), it's always towards men (usually Watson, of course). For example, notable flirt John Watson saying that Holmes blushes at his compliments the way a girl does is...suggestive.

The whole thing is complicated by Watson being (in my opinion at least) an unreliable and sometimes downright petty narrator. He keeps going on spiels about Holmes being cold and heartless, only to turn around and describe him greeting his friends warmly and being emotionally moved by music and baby-talking puppies and charming old ladies. It makes Watson sometimes come across as one of those allo people who are so unable to conceive of a life without romantic and/or sexual desire that they start dehumanizing those who don't experience it. Alternatively and maybe more charitably, he just has a big ol' crush on Holmes, is understandably alarmed by it given the time period, and gets bitchy and defensive when he feels it might not be reciprocated.

But ultimately...do I think Arthur Conan Doyle sat down at a desk in the late 19th century/early 20th century and was like "I am going to write some ace queer representation for the tumblr girlies (gn)"? Obviously not. 😅 I do think he might have set out to create a character who very deliberately did not need to have the otherwise almost obligatory straight romantic side-plot. Holmes is never in any way set up as having a life headed towards marriage and children, in spite of how typical that was for the time. The companionship he does express a need and desire for comes in the form of another man. He's "lost without [his] Boswell." He sneakily buys Watson's practice out from under him so he'll be free to move back in and go on more adventures with him. He threatens violence when Watson is hurt. Etc etc. I think it's very fair to interpret it all through a queer lens, the quibble would be more in whether that queerness ever manifests sexually.

I definitely think the Yuumori creators have not only read ACD but also other fiction based on the stories, possibly even including some very old pastiches like this one. I love how seemingly nerdy they are about it haha! The series is full of easter eggs and callouts to other Holmesian works.

As for Poirot, I know very little about the character beyond a few episodes of the show I watched as a young'un, but that is not the mustache of a straight man (I'm joking I'm joking I have absolutely no opinion on that one! 🤣)

Thanks for the ask, and for actually reading this ramble if you got this far! 😅

[thegoobiedoober]

I'm itching

Can you please tell me what the hell iw wrong with me?

Really weird ask, but I'll try to answer?

Ok, so here's what I can say.

You worry a lot about the well-being of your friends, kinda to the point where you get terrified that they're dead or in critical condition. This could stem from past experiences that have had a similar pattern.

You don't have many irl connections outside of family. This might be making you feel like the connections you do have are a requirement on the end of your family members, meaning you feel these things aren't earned.

You think your accomplishments so far aren't much, and you curse at yourself for making mistakes. This is too acidic to your brain gears, and even though you've seen it first-hand how forgiving your environment is, you still convince yourself you're not good enough. This is not healthy in the slightest, your brain gears can't keep going with this.

You've lost quite a few things that were precious to you, and you haven't quite processed it yet. But to quote that one song by Tree, "All good things come to an end, / It's just the way it's always been. / It's might not seem that fair to you, / But it is the start of something new." Yeah, sure, you know that song because of a friend you aren't really able to talk to anymore, but it's a positive thing that was left behind, yes?

You question if people would miss you if you just up and left one day. This has been proven wrong on several occasions. Your siblings miss you when you're at work. Mom, Dad, and Grandma worry about you when you leave the house because they don't want you to get hurt. And if you need to cool off somewhere, several family members said you could stay over whenever. Like, holy shit, deluding yourself into thinking nobody really cares about you is only that toxic edgelord shit that hurts everyone around you.

You are currently getting out of a self-deprecating part of your life. It's really tempting to make "Doober the Illiterate" jokes at yourself again, but that only really opens the door for more negativity that winds up pushing others away. People notice it.

You forget to take care of yourself tbh. You're addicted to caffeine, drink coffee, energy drinks, and Arizonas more than actually drinking water, and you hadn't consistently eaten any healthier. Those veggie trays at the minimart are OK, but you stopped eating those for some reason. You lack that discipline because taking care of yourself feels... lame? It's not, though. You often feel a little better afterward and, in general, feel the difference.

So, tl;dr: It's ok to hurt, life is super complicated, but you gotta push on because people love you, and because of that, you gotta learn how to love yourself, and you gotta learn to heal.

Imagine the bad thoughts as something a hater would say. And then spite those bad thoughts for the heck of it.

[superfallingstars]

Can you elaborate on what you mean by any hc or trait can be justified if you frame it right in the narrative?

hoo boy sorry this took me awhile to get to. first off i should say i was definitely being a bit hyperbolic in that post lol. but i'm not completely rescinding my opinion! the point i was getting at is that i think any headcanon/trait should be secondary to its reason for existing. that is, if you can come up with a thematically satisfying reason for why a character might act in a certain way, even if it could be seen as ooc, then you can make it work.

it might make more sense if i give an example (i had a specific thing in mind when making that post, so i'll use that). so i've seen a lot of posts headcanoning snape as someone who barely takes care of himself (he doesn't eat well, he obviously doesn't take care of his hair, etc). i thought this was fine, it made sense with his character, but it wasn't really doing anything for me personally. but it got me thinking about snape's habits, and i ended up coming to the opposite conclusion, instead imagining that snape actually tries quite hard to take care of himself but just kind of fails at it. which i think works if he's not taking care of himself out of self-love, but instead out of a desire to distance himself from his impoverished upbringing and to fit in with upper class, pureblood ideals. and if we frame it that way, it's really quite tragic – his self-care habits (? idk how to word it lol) are just another reason that he'll never fit in with the purebloods whose approval he wants so desperately. i'm basically summarizing this post i made awhile ago and tbh i wrote it better the first time lol so for additional context check that out

so the point is, someone can headcanon that snape eats nothing but tasteless porridge and rarely washes his hair, and someone else (me hiii it's me) can headcanon that snape delicately prepares complicated charcuterie boards to eat alone in the dungeons and tries all sorts of tonics and tinctures to make his hair less greasy (to no avail)... and even though these opinions are opposites, they both work in their own way. there's an internal logic to each of them, even if that logic is different. it just depends on what parts of the character's personality you want to emphasize and what sort of story is compelling to you.

i know this was a lot lol but i hope this answered your question! :-)

[ca-suffit]

How do you rationalize the violence of the characters on this show? Imo, it's easier when it's self defense or when they're just killing to feed, specially the latter since most are just extras and we don't get to know or be attached to those characters. But there are more complicated cases, including physical and psychological abuse and literally everybody has been the abused and the abuser at some point. Not to/with each other, but definitely other people. There is power imbalance in all of the dynamics. Some may forget that since they keep jumping through timelines where things are perfectly okay or they're closer to making amends and making up. And also because the actors are friends and have chemistry on screen (speaking about the whole cast, not any duo in particular). But technically all main characters have abused each other. Nobody is "safe". So, where to draw the line? Psychological abuse? Physical abuse? The severity of the action (like continuously torturing someone who can't respond or match your strength is definitely worse than one punch, for example)? The frequency of the action, like, as long as it happened once it's okay? When a character is still redeemable/forgivable giving the fact they are immortals, so, in theory, they have eternity to better themselves and see if they can make it work? Or should they all be narratively punished (end up alone, suffering, locked up, dead etc)? What are your thoughts? Btw, I'm genuinely asking. I've become obsessed with this show recently and I haven't been able to talk about it with a lot of people, but I have these questions in my mind. Personally, the more I think about it, the less I know, tbh. It's part of why I love the show and I'm asking, btw. I want to see if I reach some conclusion lol. P.S. I understand if you can't/don't want to answer and I'm sorry this got too long. And if you do answer, feel free to make it long as well if you want, even if you want to make comparisons, add interviews etc. I love reading people's takes hehe. Anywa, thanks!

I don't try to rationalize it tbh. I think that's a goal of the show and the original books as well. What are u supposed to do if u have to "endure" each other forever? What still holds meaning if ur all immortal, how do u have relationships, hobbies, not get bored? Especially when everyone is born from trauma and sometimes that trauma was yesterday and sometimes it was 1000 years ago or 5000 years ago from a society u don't understand at all. How do u bring together so many ppl like that and not erupt on each other?

Trauma and mental illness and whatever else is not always pretty. Violent reactions to things are common and, at least in a society where punitive justice is the norm, we get used to putting these things in these boxes. "u did this bad thing so now ur going to jail / hell." The eternal question of the VC books is where do vampires belong, anyway? Where do they go when they die and for what reasons? Anne Rice never gives a v clear answer on this and it's not just bcuz she wasn't a good writer, the point rly is to just ask the questions. We don't have these answers as humans now, we can't confirm or deny if there's an afterlife and whether these things we do matter for a "soul" or not. We create social rules for many reasons but even those are not actually built on the back of "justice" the way ppl are made to think they are.

I don't think these stories are asking u to find a true "good" or "bad" character or characters. I think we're just meant to watch their choices and reflect on them, reflect on our reactions to them. The fandom's desire for Louis to have done something to "deserve" the drop is all about racism and nothing else. They blame Claudia for "manipulating" Louis into killing Lestat bcuz a black girl is never allowed to be a victim either. She's not even a girl to them anyway, adultification of black girls is another angle they use all the time ("she doesn't look 14 to me!"). They'll say look what Louis did to goad Lestat into fighting him more but they'll never say look what Lestat did to hurt Claudia and push her to that point, as someone who was acting as her parent for most of their lives together. That's always "ooc Lestat." What's happening on screen is a rorschach test for us as the audience and as individuals.

Like I wrote, I don't believe in punitive justice, so I don't think long term these stories are going to focus on that much. The trial was a sham to begin with and Lestat was never "rly" dead or meant to be gone forever. They're going to hurt each other and isolate each other in different ways, but if the show wants to focus on any real character growth, it needs to focus on ways the characters can learn to understand each other instead of banishing / killing each other. Relationships take real work like this too. Anne Rice could never write any of this but I'm hoping the show does. Seeing Lestat have awareness of the pain he caused Louis and the reasons he did it fr was a step in the direction I was hoping the show would go. The big question *is* how does a relationship recover from that? For immortals? How will it make others feel too, particularly Armand, if Louis and Lestat get back together? Will Armand reflect on his own abuse too? They all have a lot in common and they all want to be loved. If that's brought out into the open and treated with kindness and understanding, then the desire to maim and kill each other will greatly diminish tbh. Everything these vampires do to each other originates from a place of personal pain, feeling unlovable. "love is a monster" is one of the taglines for a reason.

[our-trans-punk-experience]

Mohawk anon here, actually it's a lie that I got all my info from Wikipedia, I did some digging before hand and found this article kinda useful https://www.popsugar.com/beauty/mohawk-hairstyle-history-48916724 look idk if u care abt this topic, it was completely stressing me out yesterday in a way I don't think is entirely normal (idk I think I'm starting to treat politics like religion in the way I berate myself as if I have sinned) I know anything more complicated than a yes or no answer on this topic will never be enough to suffice for me I feel like such a bad leftist and a hypocrite, like I'm happy to change myself when I learn my behaviour is wrong bit not for something that actually matters a lot to me, like I care about my hair SO much and I want to keep it SO much bit I don't want to live with guilt over something that may not be an issue or is at the least a very complex one. Have you ever dealt with anything like this and am I a bad person for feeling this way?

Ok hello, first I would like you to take some deep breaths.

[For context anon sent me two asks in a row, the first being an ask over whether mohawks were offensive to wear, in the same tone as above post]

I am not Native American, but I have been around the scene a while and seen a variety of takes on this. I'll open this ask obviously to corrections but from pretty much everything I've ever seen or experienced, no the hairstyle you refer to is not offensive to wear. It's not a closed practice, and tbh the way that punks style it is so different to any sort of traditional cut that the name "mohawk" is the only thing that still ties it to indigenous people.

Obviously exceptions apply if you were say, wearing it as a "costume" to mock native people, but having a 'hawk as a punk has not ever seemed to offend anyone for being any sort of cultural appropriation.

Second point, while I thank you for having the self awareness to realise that you've started to treat political correctness like a religion and that that's not great, I suggest you maybe go further with that and start doing the work to move forward from that?

I get how hard it can be, especially as someone who when growing up would often have their words taken wildly out of context and spun to make me look awful. You feel defensive, you feel like you could be swooped on at any moment for something you didn't even know was wrong. It is awesome you don't want to hurt people, but take some time to self develop so if you ever do accidentally do or say something out of line, you'll be able to fix it and move on without feeling like you're gonna get dammed to hell?

You're not a bad person for having anxious thoughts about fucking up socially. You're not a bad person for wanting to keep a hairstyle you love while worrying it might be appropriation. But try and not define whether you're a bad person on how PC an Internet dude says you are OK? You care, and that's amazing, so keep on growing, and don't ever feel like you're damned for not knowing all the answers.

[gamebunny-advance]

I didn't get a chance to vote on the poll, but also noticed what would have been my answer wasn't there so I'm writing it in now- I personally see it as he's their CREATOR first, manager second. They don't call him manager in a lot of materials, and they also don't call him father, they call him "Captain" or "sir," (this being pulled from largely the additional voice actor's portrayals at least, which I think are worth at least considering in a wider scope of interpretation)

That feels like the title or nickname he'd prefer they use, hence programming them TO use it for him- and that betrays neither fatherly intent nor producer intent, but pre-existing intent he didn't change (lifting from prior coding) or that he preferred. Beyond that he definitely refers to them as troops- it is their aesthetic, but it's more impersonal

the items you get for the lore on 1010 are toys, and while it's not stated, I've always thought there was an implication that he had made them- His relationship then isn't one of a father to sons, but of a creator about his creations, which IS different. It's why he's as willing to literally throw them at you in combat and, simultaneously, seemingly instinctively, puts a hand out in front of himself to protect them when the final attack is coming- even if they are tools to some degree, he MADE them what they are and he's PROUD of that- He doesn't want to see his work destroyed

Obviously this gets increasingly more complicated if you believe that 1010 gain sapience of some degree, but I still think the relationship isn't quite what I'd call fatherhood. He is simultaneously all the family they have and deeply, inherently unlike them- yet there is undeniably pieces of him and influences from him present in them, because every creation will reflect its creator in some way, in ways they can't even predict

Then, y'know, yeah, it's being a manager time. Ultimately he's gotta organize them and tell them what to do- how he feels about that could be a variety of ways, but he is doing it nonetheless, so something about it matters to him as well- likely the vow to serve the city thing, if leading a boyband is the way to ensure the lights stay on, then he's going to do it 'till his heart gives out.

To start, I do think you're getting a little caught up in the semantics of the poll, but since you're making the case that "creator" is different from "father," I'll hear you out.

And tbh, I really like that interpretation. It's a little more nuanced from what I'm used to seeing, and it is giving me something to sink my teeth into.

I do differ in that I don't think Neon J. personally made the toys or the base 1010: I felt like the implication of the MKI - MKIII standee was that 1010 has actually been around since the wartime era, since MKI 1010 are build more similarly to the recycled battlebots in the Metro Division. Parallel to that, I think it's implied that Neon J. is a cyborg due to suffering injuries in the war. Since they appeared to exist at the same time, it seemed more likely to me that 1010 and NJ's body originated from the same source, but not that NJ was necessarily the direct creator of either them or the toys. (Though, I will admit that knowing that the toy company is called "J-1" does imply that he has something to do with it. But to rectify that, I'm gonna say that he just bought out the company/factory, but he didn't start them.)

But that's just an argument of history. Both interpretations can still lead to the "creator" theory in the sense that NJ still views 1010 impersonally, but still fondly. Even if he didn't make the base, he still turned them into what they are today, which is still a lot of hard work and dedication to the craft.

It's not making him out to be this overly sentimental guy (which is ultimately what I dislike about most "father first" interpretations), but he's also not heartless, and I like that. It's retaining what many interpretations (including mine, sadly) sometimes miss out on, and that's that he's an artist, just like all the other stars. He values his craft, and 1010 are the result of that, for better or worse.

[chowderofcats]

Your most recent post got me curious... What arr introjgects like in your system? :P

Quick disclaimer of:

Please don't take this as us saying this applies to anyone else! We're only sharing our own experiences for our system, this is NOT how everyone works.

text is below if you have trouble reading.

Image 1:

(Anon asks) "Your most recent post got me curious. what are introjects like in your system?"

"Well it's actually p' complicated!"

"For one, it depends a lot (on) how we split."

Image 2:

"For us there's a few kinds." "One kind being..." "A -> B! Which describes when A was unable to realize past trauma, leading to them splitting B. (This is how I formed)."

"And another kind being No Space. This is when new trauma occurs, and nobody is able to integrate it. This causes a new alter to be formed to handle it. (This is how most of us form nowadays)."

(Answered by Zay :3)

"I'm just happy to be here tbh."

Image 3:

"For now, we'll just be using these two."

"Introjection also depends on how long it takes to form, and Elaboration afterwards."

"If an alter takes longer to form, it's more likely for them to absorb traits from outside media."

"Aka, introject! but obv(iously), alters can be introjected without long formation."

"A lot of the time, this happens w/alters who split due to there being no space."

"The system needs someone who can handle something it can't."

"So when something or someone had been observed who seems stronger..."

"The brain tries to introject that strength into a new part."

Image 4:

"When it comes to how Connected to Source we are, and how Much We Act Like Source depends on the same info (given) above."

"Introjects split from No Space are more likely more connected to source. Mainly because the brain needs them to be as Them as possible to handle the trauma (that it couldn't)."

Image 5:

"Introjects who take awhile to form are less likely to be connected (to) or Act Like source. (Like me)."

"Usually because the traits were slowly picked up as seen when necessary, instead of desperately poured upon quickly."

"Obviously this isn't always the case, (nothing is)."

"Anyways, when it comes to A -> B, the least introjects occur. A was already being used as a building block, and the past trauma is Likely somewhat integrated already. As well as the fact the threat is no longer immediate, making it less dire (even if it doesn't feel like it)."

"Once again, not always the case."

Image 6:

"And if you're wondering how it feels to be an introject, or how I know? Can't help, no idea. I just feel like some dude lol."

[sillyspero]

hi! i found you since you followed my atz lore acc @tothisemptiness and i wanted to say i just finished going through you slideshow which is amazing tbh i love how you kept it fun while explaining smth as heavy and complicated as atz's lore. i have some questions tho if you don't mind me asking.

you said a good part of the treasure series is a completely separate storyline and it does make so much sense and is an interesting take but i have three questions: do you think it links or will link to the main storyline at some point? if it doesn't or won't why does cromer appear there? if it is really completely separate, why do you think they chose to tell a story they will never touch again?

in his lore explanation videos hongjoong said that halazia is not a separate universe but another pov of the story that was being told right before spin off, why take it as an alternate universe instead?

you mentioned the full moon at the end of crazy form, what do you make of the crescent at the start?

i love the insane attention to details btw, i would have never thought of concert performances like you did and if you have any ideas what the little sketches in newer concerts mean i would love to know!

PS: THE GIANT BALLS IN THE ROOM TOOK ME OUT I LITERALLY MADE CRYING NOISES WHILE LAUGHING EJFALJDLKASJDLJSF

First of all, thank you so so much for reading my slideshow, I was excited to see your account (another loretiny to gather perspectives from!) so I'm honored to have you asking the big questions. I have a lot of thoughts so I'm gonna put them below a cut but hopefully, I can give satisfactory answers. :)

First, I want to clarify why I approached treasure as a separate story. When I was working on this, I tried to gather as many different theories and takes as I could on the timeline and story and such, but a problem I kept running into was that when I saw theories that included treasure as part of the larger story in its entirety, I had trouble being convinced. A lot of the theories had to stretch quite a bit to include it, and I felt like separating it made it much more cohesive, regardless of whether it was approached as just a prequel or a sequel, or anything like that. That being said, I've been keeping my eye out since then for ways they could be trying to tie it back in because I desperately WANT them to. If you had asked me a couple months ago, I probably would have told you that I am doing so and that I just haven't seen anything that convinces me yet. HOWEVER. After reading the Golden Hour Part 2 diaries, my mind started churning and I felt something click that connected treasure for the first time, something was convincing enough. I'm currently chugging through finals but this is actually a huge reason I'm planning to remake the slideshow and rework it, because I feel like the information we learn about the history of Halazia and the new artifact really puts things into perspective. Anyway ig long story short, yes I think it links in now and my theory is relatively manageable (although too long to summarize here) so I'd just keep an eye out for the slideshow update.

I think the simplest answer is, ironically, simplicity. I think initially I took what Hongjoong said to mean some sort of alternate story and then after fumbling around with it, I landed on sort of a similar conclusion as that of Treasure which is to say I had a lot of trouble fitting it in with the rest of the story, particularly because of the way it constantly insists upon distinguishing itself from the rest of their titles. This is another one that will get rewritten in the update, along with Answer I believe.

A big stretch theory that would be kind of interesting to consider would be to wonder if perhaps the moon in this series has always been a crescent and everything they've experienced in "World Z" has been a dream, and I think I've seen theories similar to this floating around so definitely something I've considered. I actually kind of hope this isn't the case because I think it's kind of a cop-out, but at the same time, it would fit into the general themes we've seen from the story so far. I would LOVE to hear your theories on this because I was really stumped by it. Ateez is very intentional about those sorts of details, and so it really makes me wonder, but I haven't been able to figure it out.

Finally, in terms of the sketches at the concerts, I think there's a lot of symbolism in them and I want to analyze them deeper. If the content of the dances doesn't make it into the slideshow, I'll make a post about it and tag you. Funnily enough, I went into the concert thinking "I will pay such close attention to the dances so I can analyze their place in the lore" and then I proceeded to be so awestruck that I forgot to think about it and lowkey blacked out so I don't really remember anything about it hahaha. I'm gonna look them up and revisit them in closer detail soon.

Sorry, this is so long, and sorry that some of them are kind of non-answers. There's still so much I don't quite understand so I appreciate you pushing me! This month marks 1 year of being an atiny so I think there will always be more for me to learn and discover. Please feel free to send more questions if you have them! I love rethinking things and seeing what people notice that I miss. I would also like to say please check out the sources linked at the very end of the slides because a lot of my theories are pieced together from various atiny who are much smarter than me <3

PS Glad I could make you laugh lollll

[cookinguptales]

1 and 25 🖤

the character everyone gets wrong & common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

I think I can answer these together, tbh.

There are some criticisms of 4.09 I think are very valid, and others... less so. Personally, I didn't like the writing in the episode at all. I was annoyed at the wasted potential of the Marwa and Freddie storylines and just... did not think the script was there, honestly.

(I am also irritated by a lot of the backlash to the backlash, especially the people who insist that Marwa was never an important character and there's no reason to be irritated at the way she was written off.)

That said, there are some criticisms of the episode that kind of make me roll my eyes.

I usually just ignore takes I don't agree with, but one that I keep getting over and over in my inbox is that Nandor was so uniquely awful to Guillermo in 4.09 that the ship is Over, that no one should ship them anymore, that Nandor deserves to suffer before he gets the God that is Guillermo, etc. and like.

Okay, I've already written about how Nandor's characterization was actually pretty normal in 4.09. He hurt Guillermo terribly but he didn't mean to. He was selfish and oblivious but ultimately meant well and was willing to sacrifice his happiness for Guillermo's. We've seen this pattern since s1, with particular parallels in the literal first episode with the glitter portrait. I'm not actually that bothered by Nandor's behavior in the episode.

I'm not here to talk about Nandor, though, actually. I get much more annoyed by the way people talk about Guillermo. Like... I love Guillermo. He's probably my favorite character on tv. But I love how complicated and fucked up he is. I love how most of his problems are entirely of his own devising. I love that he is every bit as selfish, fucked up, and cruel as the vampires are if not more.

His smiles get to me as much as anyone and I think he's adorable! Endearing! Warm and fuzzy and sweet! But he's also a character that specifically preys on the weak in order to make his own life cushier. He specifically seeks out lonely humans and pretends to be their friend in order to feed them to his family. He makes fun of how "pathetic" they are largely to mentally separate himself from prey. I feel like he's especially scornful towards anyone who reminds him too much of himself, honestly, and he shows them particular cruelty.

He hurts humans to get in good with the vampires, but he also does it because it makes him feel powerful. It makes him feel like he's better than all the other stupid livestock he feeds to his family. It makes him feel like he deserves to be turned. When he destroys them, it's a way for him to metaphorically destroy the parts of himself he hates, too.

Guillermo! You talk mad shit about virginal nerds for a dude who plays Fortnite with your nerd-ass friend and was afraid of kissing for 30 years!

So when I get comments on my fic or whatever telling me that Guillermo is far too sweet and good and understanding for mean, evil Nandor I am just like??? On what planet???

The two of them are both disasters and they deserve each other. The living embodiment of this AITA judgment.

And being real with you, I think the fandom characterization of Guillermo as a cinnamon roll who's never done anything wrong (actual phrasing in some messages I get) is boring. Guillermo is fun because he can give as good as he gets.

Like -- I genuinely think the reason why 4.09 didn't work for so many people is that the writers forgot that Guillermo has power. At the end of the very first episode, Nandor forgets how long Guillermo has been serving him, he gives him the portrait instead of turning him, he hurts his feelings -- and the scene ends with Guillermo visibly considering exposing him to sunlight. Their relationship works only because Guillermo consents to it. He could leave at any time. He could kill Nandor at any time. He just chooses not to because he's just as fucked up as Nandor is.

But in 4.09, the bad things that happen to Guillermo largely are not because of the choices he's made. (Like lying to Freddie, which he never really seems to need to answer for.) Freddie mistreats Guillermo, Nandor mistreats Guillermo, the Freddie clone really mistreats Guillermo, and Guillermo never gets any of them back. The last shot of him is him crying, heartbroken, through no fault of his own.

I think that's what really bothered people. The weird tilt in the power differential that didn't make a lot of sense or fit with other writing decisions in the series. Guillermo is repeatedly victimized for weak laughs in that episode, and he's not given the chance to stand up for himself other than briefly yelling at Nandor and then getting victimized further. It's just... not fun to watch when it feels more like it's punching down, y'know?

I think the writers framing Guillermo as a weak and helpless victim in that episode is as boring as the cinnamon roll stuff. I need the push and pull of Guillermo's own decisions and selfishness tearing him apart. I need the weird, fucked-up power play between him and Nandor. I need Guillermo to have a fallback plan, which is that the door is always open. His stakes are always sharp.

I guess I just feel like people forget that Guillermo belongs in this horrible little family because he's horrible, too. He does not deserve better than the fucked-up thing he has with Nandor because he designed the fucked-up thing he has with Nandor. Every morning he wakes up and consents to the fucked-up thing he has with Nandor. He's addicted to the fucked-up thing he has with Nandor.

Because! Guillermo! is fucked up! too!

He's power-hungry and petty and vindictive and cruel and one of the sweetest people on tv. I love how complicated and interesting he is. How he treats people in his in-groups vs. his out-groups. How easily he can dehumanize and depersonalize his victims. How uncomfortable he feels when they are forcibly humanized without his consent. How he can simultaneously be so kind and caring and so utterly soulless.

Guillermo is victimized by the vampires because he allows them to do so, and then he takes out that frustrated powerless feeling on the people he deems weaker than him. And I love that for him.

So I guess my answer to both questions is -- yeah, I hate the way people characterize Guillermo sometimes, and I'm tired of hearing about how a nasty person like Nandor doesn't deserve a blameless, faultless victim like Guillermo. It makes them both less interesting!

[jon-withnoh]

Hello! Hope this isn't a bother, but do you have any tips for thinking up plots? I mean for the whole story. Reading Nie Wirst made me want to try to write something longer, but I'm a bit lost since all I've ever written are short one-shots or drabbles. Again, hope this isn't bothering you, feel free to ignore it! Also, this goes without saying but I'm looking forward to the sequel if you do write it

Hi! I love this question, thank you for asking it 😊 I'm pretty sure you'd get a variation of answers depending on who you ask, so my way might not necessarily work for you. (I'm thinking of this as a fun Pick&Mix of things that work for me and might work for others.)

My strategies differ for different kinds of writing. When I'm working on a poetry collection, it sometimes takes years to accumulate enough individual poems that fit together for me to start working on the arc or through-line of that collection. This just for context, since you did ask me about prose.

Whether for fanfiction or original fiction, I've found that I can only keep up my motivation for a longer piece if I am absolutely obsessed with it. Was wird aus uns was born from the immediate aftermath of me seeing Rebecca in Vienna, reading the book and pretty much every single fic on Ao3 and just needing those two fools to be okay. That one really came out of pure obsession. Nie wirst Du was a lot more considered and since the plot is quite complex, I did plan things ahead of time.

I'm going to try and sum up some of the things that I need in order to sustain my focus for a longer piece of writing under the cut!

I need to be absolutely obsessed with the initial idea. No matter how interesting a concept or fic idea is in theory, if it doesn't have that spark of obsession I might toss it around in my head for fun, but I won't actually write it. If an idea doesn't grip me enough that I'm constantly looking forward to the next plot point I'm "working towards", then I'll get bored and abandon the piece. This is especially true for fic. For Was wird aus uns, the first plot point everything was moving towards was their first kiss. Then Christmas, and then, finally, Danny's collapse and the changes that it brought. With Nie Wirst Du, I was constantly hooked, tbh. It's a little bit like a soap opera in that it has many twists and turns, very complicated relationship dynamics and many big feelings. Some plot points I was working towards there were the tea party and the costume ball. Once I knew what the fallout from the ball was going to be, I had a much better idea of how things would continue to escalate develop.

I figured out how I need to approach plot. A friend of mine is a hardcore plotter with detailed outlines, diagrams and everything. I used to try and approach plot like that with the result that by the time I'd thought everything through, I was bored and didn't actually write the story anymore. The thing I do is apparently called pantsing. It means I know the inciting incident of the story, maybe a few major plot points and I have at least a vague idea of how I want it to end. There is an overarching structure, but it's loose enough that it keeps me interested. I can decide to add or take away smaller plot elements without having to do major rewrites.

There needs to be a drive to the story. I need a sense of movement when I'm writing. Even if a story is set entirely in one place, there needs to be some undercurrent of change or development. If the story feels static, I don't have any way of getting a character from point A to point B.

I write the things I want to see. If you find yourself looking through Ao3 thinking "I wish someone had written about xyz", then that might be a sign for you to write the fic you're looking for! For example, I needed a happy ending for Danny and Ich, so I wrote one. Then I became really interested in learning more about Rebecca as a character. Who is she outside of the stories being told about her? To find that out, I needed a story where she was alive and since I didn't want to write a prequel, the idea for Nie Wirst Du was born.

I hope this was somewhat help or at least interesting! It also really helps to have a person who's just as excited about your story idea as you are. They might ask you questions you hadn't considered and give you a whole new insight into what you're writing. Feel free to ask more questions about this if you want. This was really fun!

[a-god-in-ruins-rises]

22, 24, 31

oh god this one is a little long.

22: Pet peeves?

oh i have this one very specific pet peeve. when someone wrongly insists i did or didn't do something. this will send me into a rage so quickly. i'm a very honest person. if i fuck something up, i'll own up to it. but i fucking hate when someone accuses me of fucking something up even when i insist i didn't. it's really hard to explain how much this enrages me.

i place a very high value on my word. and so if someone wrongly accuses me doing/not doing something and i correct them but then they continue to insist that i did/didn't do it, despite my correction, then i guess it feels like they're calling my word into question. and my word is something that is so central to my identity. it triggers me like nothing.

i actually don't really get angry that easily. but this shit will make me get real violent real fast. pretty much every time (the very few times) in my life when i've been violently aggressive it was because i was provoked by the above kind of behavior.

like for example; this actually involves that one mattress store. the owner would pay us under the table. she'd put the money in envelopes. one day the money went missing. it was just me, this other guy, and the owner in the building at the time. i know for a fact i didn't touch the money. but the other guy insisted it wasn't him so it must have been me. i told him nah it wasn't me. and he was like "well it definitely wasn't me. and no one else has been here. so it was you." and we had a few more back-and-forths like that and i could just feel myself slowly getting angrier and angrier -- every time he accused me. and after like the third or fourth time? i snapped and i started choking him out right there. it felt like i got possessed. lmao. the dumb bitch owner tried to get me to stop and she threatened to call the cops on me and so i let him go. needless to say we both left and we never got to the bottom of the disappeared money but he obviously was the one who took the money.

to be clear, there were two envelopes. one for me and one for him. so he stole from me. that probably added to why i was so quick to anger. but in the moment, i was more pissed off about him accusing me of stealing than him actually stealing from me. he never came back to work. probably for the best because i'd have most likely ended up in jail if i saw him again.

24: Favorite constellation?

lol gotta be either the big dipper or orion. big dipper because it's like the first constellation i ever noticed and it's just so visible and it's big like me. but orion is also pretty great. also very visible and also just has so much going on. also like me.

31: Do you get scared easily?

lmaoooo. idk. this is kinda complicated. because i watch scary movies and i don't get afraid and i walk alone at night in bad parts of town and i'm not afraid and i've even ridden with my boys to what i thought was almost certain death and i wasn't afraid.

but at the same time? i think i have agoraphobia and probably some issues with paranoia. idk. like yeah i can ride to certain death with my homies but sometimes just being out in public alone with lots of people around can send me into a panic. i just get weird ideas/feelings/experiences sometimes. they tap into something primal. it's really hard to explain tbh. so i don't know how to answer this. i don't get scared by a lot of the shit that normally scares people but i do get pretty fucked up by seemingly innocuous shit. sometimes all it takes is a weird glance from someone and i'll think some bad shit is about to happen to me. like supernatural shit.

i guess that's maybe it. when i'm riding with my homies or walking down a bad street, i'm in control. i know i can handle myself. whatever threats that come my way are probably going to be physical.

but sometimes....i feel some less-physical shit coming my way and that fucks me up because i can't rely on my strength/size.