#tbh i was gonna use that as an excuse to talk about their dynamic w/ oso bc it ended up being a lot more complex than i initially planned | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

catboyithaqua · 4 years ago

Note

Ramuda and Doppo :0

OH MY BOYS LETS GO

Under a cut bc long

Ramuda Amemura

First impression

Baby boy baby. Very cute and sweet i love characters with ramudas aesthetic i tend to want to protect them, especially since its an aesthetic that i fall into myself and lo v e so kseidjsnfn YEAH this man is baby!!!

Impression now

Ohhh my god i love this man i love the way he is characterised he is so incredibly interesting as a character and tbh so realistic and honestly i adore him!!! I alarmingly see a lot of myself in him tbh, were incredibly similar and that isnt necessarily a good thing!! But still i love this man

Favorite moment

Oh man where tf do i BEGIN there are so many ngl, but mostly all of the moments where we see ramuda's humanity. There is still a sweetness left under the darkness, there is still a man who wants to cling onto everything he has - his emotion, his internal battles, his morality vs his desperate need to survive - oh fucking man so much.

Idea for a story

CAN WE FUCKING. HAVE RAMUDA TALK HIS SHIT OUT PLEASE can we just have others actively helping ramuda cAN THIS MAN PLEASE BE SHOWN THAT ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR HIM,,, PLEASE,, i just want ramuda to finally talk out everything and have people on his side. Please.

Unpopular opinion

This probs isnt unpopular by any means, but idk what else to put here so take this:

I dont really see it often discussed that yknow ramuda is an abuse victim. Like, its very clear that chuokhu uses and abuses him, and his life is constantly being hung over his head. No wonder the dude is doing anything he can in order to survive, he has no choice in that regard. Before i get told this in the notes yes i know this doesnt excuse the things hes done!!! But tbh i really think that like the trauma that ramuda is living with kinda needs to be addressed.

Favorite relationship

I am a huge multishipper and have found a way to ship ramuda w just about most people (that are adults and not in chuokhu lol) so this is pretty tough

Id say either fling poly or jkrm and these are my reasons lets go:

Fling poly: HAVE YOU S E E N THEM do i really need to say more here all three of them have such good chemistry together, theyre all clearly on the same wavelength and have such a wonderful dynamic,,, they found out about the clones and shit and they STILL chose to protect ramuda and to fight for him and with him and to stay by his side aND BLACK JOURNEY TOO I-- IM GONNA START SOBBING,,,

Jakuramu: this one is not based on canon too much i am sorry this is mostly hc but i am a huge sucker for enemies to lovers ok also, i feel like out of TDD these two would be the ones to reconcile. After all, jakurai is a rather empathetic man and he probably would def understand the situation that ramuda was in. After all this dude was an ex assassin, if ramuda was to tell him everything, im sure that he would be able to relate to yknow the time he took others' lives, people with families and friends that he killed because he was ordered to and most likely had no other choice. Of course, jakurai is well within his right to not forgive ramuda for what happened to yotsutsuji, but i feel like he would and would help him get out of the situation hes in,,, and also im soft for the TDD era ok like how jakurai WANTED TO KNOW THE REAL RAMUDA AND LIKE,,, even when ramuda snapped at him he was GLAD HE WANTSD TO KNOW HIM FUCK MAN,,, i just really like these two ok

Favorite headcanon

I have quite a lot of hcs! Here are a few and like some explanation as to why:

- hes trans - i personally believe this bc personally itd make sense. Ramuda has a very feminine appearance and build, those that are like typically common in asian countries. As well as that, he has his own autonomy unlike the other clones. It wouldnt surprise me if chuokhu orignally wanted to make a girl to keep the other divisions in check, but when he decided personally that he didnt want to be such a way, they said sure, more room for us to treat you as we want to. Hes got money, getting T wouldnt be that difficult for him either, so thats why his voice is. That way fiaudjsnfnd anyway i think it makes sense!! Idk--

- he has bpd - projection probably but the biggest inspiration for this headcanon is how he is emotionally. His swings are violent - he feels and expresses such a diverse range of emotions and its so easy for him to change his emotional disposition - whilst also mostly feeling totally empty. Relationship wise also, given how he was genuinely really close to jakurai and then completely splitting on him, h a t i n g him. Yeah that sounds like bpd to me chief i know i have it!!! Theres more ik there is but i cant pull up examples rn

- hes neurodivergent - again mostly projection honestly and like there isnt much of a canon basis in his behaviour, just little things, but i like to personally hc that aside from eating candy to stay alive duh, that he chooses lollipops bc they serve as a sort of stim?? Also ik that fashion is his job but hes also so so clearly passionate about it that its a special interest for him, and thats partially why he took it up as a job in the first place, so he could do something related to his special interest lol. Idk i know there isnt any basis for this but just let me have autistic ramuda iaiesjdnsnfn

Doppo Kanonzaka

First impression

Now THATS what i call a tired mf!!! This dude has yves saint laurent eyebags also he really reminds me of aggretsuko somehow??? Im really not sure what it is

Impression now

Yeah i was def right with the aggretsuko comparison siaishsnshfb BUT I LOVEEE HIM i love him very much and i think this man really needs a break and is also very relateable i love

Favorite moment

As much as i love fp i absolutely adore the badass koments that doppo has including when he absolutely fucking obliterated fling posse sksjxnxncn also!! All of his little moments with hifumi i genuinely enjoy their dynamic its so cute

Idea for a story

Honestly i wanna see him slowly recover from the teauma that he has experienced because this king absolutely deserves it, and also from a practical point of view itd make this mf s t r o n g e r i also just.... long to see doppo happy honestly he deserves to smile!!

Unpopular opinion

I dont really have an unpopular opinion but saving like leaving this blank: as much as i absolutely adore jakurai and hifumi and their music (jakurai is my fave out of every hypmic character and i WILL drive this home), to me doppo just has the best music. Like, i love tigridia and BLACK OR WHITE so fucking much its absolutely unreal and all of doppos verses in every song are juust so fucking good. As much as i listen to you are, therefore i am on repeat every day of my life doppos music is just the best ✨

Favorite relationship

Again i am a huge multishipping bitch and i habe a few ships with doppo but in ahll honesty my fave is very clear - i absolutely adore his dynamic with matenrou as a whole and especially hifumi - his relationship with hifumi is clearly so special and it really shows how strong their friendship is, and in a ship sense i find it to be realy cute bc theres such a clear need for each other and that even if they clearly come at odds sometimes, at the end of the days theyre still clearly so close and i just,,, god doppo reallt deserves someone like hifumi in his life and im so glad that he has it!!!!

Favorite headcanon

Honestly i dont really think i have too many for doppo but given his general demeanor and his attitude, i personally hc him as demi. Yeah i know that sexualities dont have like typical personalities and such but i feel like given his anxieties around new people and how he clearly only really sticks to those that hes very close with, it makes more sense for him to be demi than any other sexuality to be quite honest - and this is also just pushing my hifudo agenda aiqiauansnssn but yknow!!!!

#im sorry this took me so long thanks for the ask!!!#hypmic

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dameferre · 4 years ago

Note

Happy new year!!!!! WtWT is increadible, do you have any favorite passages from it?

a) thank you i love you

b) ooh what a wonderful question lemme do a quick skim to remind myself what tf i wrote

okay one of them is from the epilogue but as that would be a ~spoiler~ i wont post it so here we go sorry this might get long i wrote wtwt for me specifically and thus love a lot about it

edit: even with tiny text this is fucking long as shit so it’s going beneath a read more

Fire Lord Zuko looks up slowly. “Excuse me?” His tone is even, but his voice is dangerously low, and his gaze as sharp and cold as the steel of his daos.

i just like this specific bit bc of the implied difference between Zuko and Fire Lord Zuko, supreme ruler of the fire nation, whose wrath has been invoked by someone talking shit about the love of his life

When Yue laughed it was soft and musical, like hearing gentle notes played on a bone flute; Zuko’s laugh, on the other hand, is coarse but steady, like a saw driving through the ice. There’s beauty in both. They both remind Sokka of home.

idk i just really like this one

“Well, if it isn’t the Fire Lord’s Water Tribe lapdog,” a voice says, “Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him off his leash before.”

.... Sokka smirks. "Well, the leash didn't really go with this outfit, so."

i could live for Years off my personal mental image of 20yo sokka, the hottest guy in four nations, being goaded by some definitely homophobic, machismo asshole in the street and not even batting a fucking EYE just going ‘the leash didn’t really go with this outfit, so’. i mean. king shit.

The glass case beside Zuko’s work table houses Mai’s first collection of knives (she’s since fashioned new ones), a fan from Suki, a traditional whale-bone Water Tribe hair pin from Katara, coins with the flying boar Beifong crest on them (relics from before the Earth Kingdom currency was centralised, and Sokka knows- they didn’t come cheap), a skirt of bells from Ty Lee’s old circus costume, one of Sokka’s first attempts at forging a new boomerang (it took him a long time to get the balance right), the mask Zuko’s mother made for Azula when she and Zuko were children and wanted to re-enact their favourite plays, and, in the middle of it all, the charred remains of Aang’s first staff, bought from an antique trader who found it, years ago, on the side of a volcano.

Zuko likes to say he keeps pieces of his friends near his workspace, where he can see them; a reminder of his duty to all four nations, instead of just the one. But Sokka thinks it’s more simple than that; after everything that’s happened, the Fire Lord likes to keep his family close.

this was one of the first things i wrote for wtwt and i still love it a lot. this whole part of the chapter (the space sword bit) in fact is one of my favourites for the entire fic

“Oh.” Zuko shrugs. “Okay, so the day Aang and I set that barn on fire.”

zuko baby you set your living quarters on fire and all you remember is that strands of sokka’s hair kept falling into his eyes you useless, useless boy

“Not the festival.” Zuko asserts. “The Fire Nation.” He says it simply, obviously blissfully unaware of how, to a pathetic, delusional person, that could be misconstrued as a declaration of love. Sokka’s stupid heart starts banging pots around in his chest, making itself known. “My life here- my life, in general, is just. Weak tea. Without you.”

maybe tea metaphors can be our always

Zuko looks up, so Sokka can see him roll his eyes. “One time, it was one-”

“What was it again? I mentioned I was craving some moon cakes, and you-”

“I was trying to impr-”

“You decided to break into a bakery, through the fucking skylight-”

“Are you ever gonna let-”

“‘It’s fine, Sokka. I’ll be in and out, and I’ll leave money, so it's not really a crime'.” Sokka says, in an admittedly weak imitation of Zuko’s voice. Zuko, for his part, looks way too amused for someone Sokka’s attempting to shame. “How much money, did you end up leaving? After you fell through the skylight?”

Zuko’s obviously trying to suppress a laugh. “Way too much, apparently.”

“Because you have no idea how much it costs to fix a window, because a few months working customer service were nowhere near enough to cure you of your ridiculous rich kid tendencies.”

look me in the eye and tell me fire lord ‘committed vigilante crime and robbed random citizens to buy his uncle a new teapot’ zuko wouldn’t break into a shop to get his crush mooncakes and then leave a Ridiculous amount of money behind when he drunkenly falls through a skylight. you can’t.

i’ve already talked about how i loved writing the ima and shiori interlude so i won’t bother repeating myself but

“I’ve known I was in love with you since the fourth day after the cherry blossoms bloomed, last year? I told you!”

“Fuck off, you absolutely did not-”

“You told me that, Zuko.” Shouts Katara’s voice from somewhere behind them, Sokka doesn’t look to find out where, exactly. “Right after you used twenty words to describe Sokka’s smile.”

Zuko pales, opening and closing his mouth like an elephant koi. “But- you-” He stares at Sokka, obviously trying to process this information. “I?”

After a second, Zuko blinks, as if shaking himself out of a trance. The shock and confusion on his face shifts into full-blown panic. “Wait, do you not know I have feelings for you?” He startles, takes a single step back. “Do you have feelings for me?!”

i know i literally wrote this but it cracks me up every time. no notes.

aaand basically any part of the fic wherein i got to live out my post-colonial reparation dreams of dismantling imperialist fascist structures or talk about how much sokka and zuko (or sokka and katara) love each other. fuck me up w healthy relationships and sibling dynamics tbh

#wtwt #elle writes things #anon #elle answers your questions #oh and happy new year!! got distracted lol #but thank you for asking!! hope your 2021 is great :)#ask meme answers

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7hyuns · 5 years ago

Text

sf9 as doms or subs;

warnings; nsfw, mentions of multiple kinks

a/n; this is just a lil something while i use the free time i have to make a bunch of stuff for my drafts so i don’t have to leave u all in a drought like this again ! for this reason, i’m re-opening my requests again for a lil while so i can have more requests to choose from !!

inseong;

overall;

ah the enigma

honestly? probably a dom

but he has switch tendencies……

so maybe i’m wrong

anyway the worst thing about inseong is that he’d be really confident even before you slept w him for the first time

like he doesn’t really have any worry because he knows he’s good in bed :///

but ur just like “haha ok sure i guess”

then when you first sleep with him you’re like…ok….ok. message received.

i feel like inseong is really in-tune with other people just in general

and as he always likes to remind everyone, hE’s VeRy iNtElLiGeNt

so he’d always pay special attention to what you’re reacting to

having said that he’s probably into experimentation

overall. idk whether he’d even really have a placement on the dom/sub line

he’d kinda just go with whatever both of you was feeling right at the moment

but i think, in conclusion, he’s more inclined to be dominant

kinks;

honestly? who knows

i know these are My Brand but inseong is just so odd

probably wants to try all of them though

except! i really don’t think he’d be interested in any *extreme* ones

but if you were i think he’d try them out just for the experience

if he had main ones i think it’d probably be

overstimulation (giving)

mocking. n i don’t mean degrading i just mean he’d straight up mock you sometimes

punishments;

if he had any i feel like he’d try and keep it creative

or at least he’d try and keep you on ur toes with them

he honestly just wants to do ones that you’re still gonna get off to

like he would pay such close attention to which kinks you reacted to more

so he’d be like “what if i used one of your favourite kinks as a punishment. haha forget it. unless…”

so if you liked overstimulation. that’s what ur getting!

tbh i feel like any punishment that’s not being done directly for you just wouldn’t do it for him

aftercare;

he’s definitely gonna wanna snuggle

n maybe give you a couple smooches

but he’s so cute :(( he’d probably wanna go all out if either of you had tried out a new kink

if he’s taking care of you, he gets you food, he gets you a drink, he’d probably wash ur hair for you if you needed him to

(a big thing for him would probably be you both being clean before going to sleep so :// good luck if ur lazy)

if he’s being taken care of, he’d just wanna have a drink n be cuddled. like he is officially baby and just wants to sleep and do nothing else

youngbin;

overall;

you know what it is!

he’s a dom. that’s it. that’s the tweet

he just exudes dom energy

but i think he’d mostly be a soft dom :)

just wants to take care of you n make you feel good !!

i don’t really think he’d be too pressed if you wanted to top him though

as long as he knew he was still the one making you feel good he doesn’t care how it’s happening lmao

always trying to control the pace no matter what

mfing laughs when you push his hands away

even when ‘s trying to be a cool, hard dom he can’t but go （￣ε￣ʃƪ）whenever you do something cute

my main point. even when he is being rougher or more dominant he’s a Soft Boy at heart and you could literally always get around him

kinks;

he loves hand holding bitch that’s his brand

neck kisses (receiving)

lowkey, but marking (giving)

not really a kink but he loves holding you up against a wall just to flex

i think he’d wanna have gentle n sweet vanilla sex sometimes |(￣3￣)|

praise!!!! compliments!!! hyping each other up for literally nothing!!!

light choking (giving)

punishments;

honestly if you ever actually annoyed him enough for him to feel like he had to

it’d just be something he already knew you liked lol

he just genuinely doesn’t see a point in doing something that won’t get you off?? idk

if you really, really liked spanking he’d do it but honestly?? he doesn’t see it as a punishment

to him it’s just indulging one of ur kinks lmao

but he’d probably use overstimulation most of the time tbh

because then he gets to do his favourite thing ever – get you off multiple times with an easy excuse!!!!!!

doesn’t really like edging or orgasm denial because :// what’s in it for you

aftercare;

mwah you’re his baby!

would tuck you into bed if you wanted him to

gives you lil kisses and praises you

wants you both to just go straight to sleep

but he’d probably wanna go shower so if ur gonna go to sleep it’s gotta be without him until he’s clean again ://

(he doesn’t really like that though because he loves cuddling w you)

dawon;

overall;

the most chaotic of the switches

says he leans more towards dom but is that really true?

it’d probably be pretty clear cut

but he’s also more lazy so sometimes he’s not into having proper roles

or sometimes he just wants to have giggly sex where he doesn’t need to think abt it too deeply

but when he’s a dom, he’s going for it!

probably more of a crackhead dom than a big tough mean one or even a (✿ヘᴥヘ) soft dom

like that meme of;

sub: does something they’re not supposed to do

dom: when will you learn?????!!!!! that your actions have cOnSeQuEnCeS????!!!!!

yeah that’s just how he’d be

but as a sub he’d just constantly deny that he was, indeed, a sub

you could be all sexy n say something like “who’s in charge here?”

and he’d just be like “me lol”

is crackhead sub a thing bc he’d be that too

kinks;

body worship (receiving)

mocking (giving)

teasing !!! (giving and receiving)

restraining (giving)

begging (receiving)

biting (giving and receiving)

punishments;

he’s not really into them too much

wouldn’t really have punishments for you unless you particularly wanted him to

but no punishments would go on for very long because he’s a lil impatient

but if you wanted to punish him it’d have to be something like overstimulation because he’s sEnSiTiVe

aftercare;

just wants 2 sleep

n maybe be the little spoon for once. just for comfort

gives you lil kisses

and mumbles praises that you can’t actually hear

then he would just fall asleep lmao he’s Sleepy

juho;

overall;

big dom energy

i’m not too sure he’d ever particularly wanna sub but sometimes he’d be cool with you going on top

as long as he was still in charge of the pace and everything

but overall he’s quite stoic as a dom

mostly because he doesn’t know how to react but that’s not the point

he communicates with you mostly through Looks

and you’ll have to learn the further you get into dating him what each look means

but mostly he has a vague outline of rules for you that you’d kinda pick up pretty quickly

including a big thing for him would be: if u tease him in public he is now, legally, allowed to fist fight you in the parking lot

i think if anyone looked closer to you both they’d probably be able to see the dynamic he’s not subtle

but yeah in general i’d probably say he’s a lazy dom

kinks;

vocal command!!!!!! (giving)

choking (giving)

restraining (giving)

begging (receiving)

degrading (giving)

having his fingers in ur mouth

oral (receiving)

dirty talk (giving)

mocking (giving)

punishments;

he’s a big fan of the old classics

mostly spanking because idk it indulges the pain kink he doesn’t wanna own up to having

he’d make you count each one

gets soft if you thank him

he thinks orgasm denial’s fun too but mostly just because it makes him feel like a Super Cool dom getting to have that much power

he doesn’t mind overstimulation but he’d rather use it as a reward than a punishment you know? he just doesn’t see how that could be anything other than good for you

aftercare;

he’d be very organised

has a drink ready for you

probably wants you to shower or something but understands if you don’t want to

really he just wants to make sure you’re feeling good

as much as it flusters him he’d still wanna talk about what you liked/didn’t like especially earlier on in the relationship

will actually tuck you into bed if that’s what you want him to do

he’d probably be quite tired but if you wanted to stay up he would as well

mumbles that he loves you just as you’re starting to fall asleep

jaeyoon;

overall;

if he breathes, he’s a thot!

but yes that is his placement on the dom/switch/sub line

he really isn’t too bothered about who’s doing which

he wants to try everything once

and if that means he’s being the sub, that’s fine with him!!!!

if it means he’s being the dom, that’s also fine with him!!!!

i think he’d be more difficult to handle as a sub because he wouldn’t ever necessarily feel like a sub

so he’d kinda just be in the sub position so he gets to have those experiences

which means you can’t expect him to react very much to you attempting to Actually Dom him

i feel like it would be a similar situation if he was being the dom

but he just slips more naturally into a dominant role (see: stage presence) so he’d be more comfortable that way

kinks;

hm. his top ones would be

biting (giving and receiving)

teasing (giving and receiving)

praise (giving)

body worship (giving and receiving)

roleplay

sensation play (giving and receiving)

bondage (giving and receiving)

lingerie!! (on you)

punishments;

none for either of you!!

aftercare;

his favourite form of aftercare is talking

not about your day or his day because you both already know that

because he’d get quite clingy after sex

so he’d probably wanna move to the living room where he’d left drinks out for you both

and then you would have to Discuss different topics he’d bring up

and that could go from “do you think the dinosaurs turned into aquatic creatures yes or no” to “i have found an unsolved crime case and today we will be solving it”

rowoon;

overall;

i’d say he’s more inclined to be the dom

but honestly if you wanted to be the dom he’s not gonna be against it

his natural reaction is just to try and take care of you lmao

which means if you’ve got a pain kink he’s gonna get into an internal struggle

because on the one hand his biggest goal is to indulge as many of your kinks as possible

but then he’s :// because he’s literally terrified of hurting you

as a dom he’s probably very lenient and lets you get away with practically everything

he just thinks you’re so cute that nothing you do really bothers him lol

you could do something he directly told you not to do and he’d just be like “omg i can’t believe you did that :// anyway which kink am i indulging tonight”

kinks;

is getting you off a kink? because he has it

praise (giving)

hand holding

love

oral (giving)

overstimulation (giving)

idk you getting whiny and desperate is a big thing for him

he’s probably got a size kink too man have you seen how Big he is

punishments;

he’s the type to say he’s using overstimulation as a punishments when he’s really just doing it because he’s got a kink for it

honestly very rarely punishes you

if you got him mad enough for him to spank you you’d probably have to have been annoying for a long time

aftercare;

you’re baby.

he’d do everything for you

gets you a drink, gets you something to eat, gets you clean clothes

is up to do anything you want to do

whether that’s taking a shower with you, changing the sheets while you took a shower, even if it was just making sure you had a drink and a warm blanket

he’d do it!!!

if you wanted to stay up, he’s prepared to sit up even if he’s falling asleep every time he blinks

if you wanted to go to sleep (he’s grateful) he’d let you lie on his chest and he’d make sure to stay awake until he knew you were asleep first

taeyang;

overall;

i know everyone sees him as a sub but. he’s a switch

i see him as one of the kinkier/more experimental members so i think it’d come naturally to him

he likes being the sub because he gets to feel cute and do less work

and he likes being the dom because he gets to feel cool and see you look cute

unlike the other switches in sf9, i think he probably gets quite into both positions pretty easily

and he goes all out for both of them

as a sub i think he’d be more on the well-behaved cute side of things

as a dom he’d just do everything he could to look Hot and make you flustered. that’s his brand baby

either way i think it’d be quite intense with taeyang

also i know this is off topic but he’s the best at oral in sf9. i don’t make the rules i just enforce them

kinks;

choking (receiving)

making out. is that a kink? doesn’t matter he has it

overstimulation (giving)

orgasm denial (receiving)

teasing (giving and receiving)

praise (receiving)

marking (giving)

dirty talk (receiving)

eye contact

sensation play (giving and receiving)

temperature play (giving and receiving)

light pain (receiving)

lingerie (on either of you)

punishments;

if he was punishing you it’d be all about overstimulation

because it’s a big kink of his + technically a punishment so it’s a win-win situation

for himself i think you’d have to go with something like overstimulation as well

because if u spank him it’s just gonna indulge his pain kink and if u deny his orgasms it’s just gonna indulge that kink for him

but! he doesn’t particularly like orgasm denial so you’d have some luck there

aftercare;

would just wanna hold your hand and cling to you if you tried to move around and do stuff for him

if he’d been the dom he’d just be very attentive with you and not leave you alone lmao

depending on what you’d been doing he’d might make you take a shower with him

but if it’d been more chill he’d be happy to just go straight to sleep

if you wanted to stay up, he’d just come to wherever you were and put his head in your lap so he could go to sleep if he wanted to and still be with you

hwiyoung;

overall;

another switch!

not that he’d ever admit that he’d always just say “i’m a soft dom!!! never have i ever been a sub”

but he’s a liar so who cares

as a sub i don’t think he’d necessarily be extremely submissive i just think he’d find it very Hot when you took charge with him

as a dom i think it would take him quite a while for him to grow into the idea of actually being dominant rather than just being on top

as he gets more confident in your relationship he’ll get more comfortable in both positions

he’d kinda fall into the role of being a dom pretty easily because he’d just view it as taking care of you in a sense

but then again. he just really likes when you top him. he doesn’t really have an explanation for it other than “it’s hot :)”

kinks;

light choking (giving and receiving)

hair pulling (receiving)

finger sucking (giving and receiving)

praise (giving and receiving)

body worship (giving)

oral (giving and receiving)

overstimulation (giving)

punishments;

he likes spanking but mostly because he thinks it’s hot

he’d use it as a punishment (only when he got more comfortable with being dominant) but honestly. he’s winning here too

i think he’d probably consider bondage a punishment for himself

because then he doesn’t get to touch you which is :///

and being blindfolded for him is a big downer because then he doesn’t get to even see you :///

aftercare;

he kinda. doesn’t really care about it if you made a mess

very much wants to relax

maybe not even sleep but he just wants a little while to recover lol

gets quite clingy

wants a lot of kisses

which would usually turn into a makeout session

and then you’d have round two because he has no self-control

and then maybe after that he’d wanna sleep

i think it would mostly depend on whether he was the dom or sub

if he was the sub he’s gonna want everything done for him lol

if he was the dom he’s gonna want to do everything for you

chani;

overall;

another enigma

probably more of a dom just because he’s impatient and likes having things happen on his terms

he wouldn’t really mind you being the dom as long as you did what he wanted you to do

by that i mean he has a big no for teasing

and for being mocked?? if you make fun of him even once he’s gonna go crazy go stupid

he’s quite lazy so he’d prefer to have you on top most of the time

but he’d always have his hands on your hips controlling the pace because he likes to know you can’t just stop or slow down to tease him at any point

very quick to get bitter if you try and tease him public or anything along those lines

he doesn’t really get too into the dom/sub thing he just kinda does what he does

only very occasionally would he be rough (see: when he can be bothered)

kinks;

choking (giving)

oral (receiving)

light degrading (giving)

he likes hand holding but ur not allowed to tell anyone

dry humping

praise (receiving)

light restraining (giving)

punishments;

he’s not too into punishments

sometimes if you annoyed him he’d overstimulate you

or if you’d teased him public he’d probably deny your orgasms for so long you’d think he was never gonna let you get off at all

instead of punishments i see him being more of the type who’s rough with you when he’s annoyed

aftercare;

he clocks out man

he’s falling asleep as soon as you’re done

would pull you to his chest n press a few small kisses to your forehead

if he’d been particularly rough or used any degrading he’d mumble a few quiet praises and a few i love you’s

doesn’t really wanna move at all but he will if you particularly want to

would just lie in your lap and go to sleep if you made him stay up with you

#yall better be streaming miss rpm #writing #g; smut #sf9 smut #sf9 reactions #sf9 scenarios

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queenofthefaces · 5 years ago

Note

kyle for the character thing!!!!

Buckle up bc I’m extra af and love talking abt characters. Be aware this is like, entirely personal opinion and personal interpretation and also it’s almost 2am so LETS GO

1) sexuality hc: I’ve always really liked bi Kyle ahsjdkfk and tbh I’ve always found the idea of his attraction to other ppl really interesting

The way I characterize him is that he’s someone who’s like, typically very passive with his attraction. He’ll kind of glance at someone and think they’re attractive but he doesn’t necessarily have any strong feelings towards them or desire/drive to want to pursue anything with them. If he does want to pursue them it’s usually out of a sense of obligation or expectation—like a “well I might as well” or “this is what I’m supposed to do” kinda thing

Except Kyle DOES have exceptions—when he finds someone he feels passionately about, someone he’s emotionally and mentally invested in, it’s like 0-100 in terms of difference, bc suddenly he can’t stop thinking abt that person, how much he wants to be with them, etc. and a lot of that characterization, for me, falls in line w the specific ship I have for Kyle (which is obvious if you’ve followed me for a few but I’ll get Into That in the next section)

2) OTP: KYMAN by far my fave Kyle ship and one of my all time fave sp ships overall. I’ve always LOVED rivals/enemies to lovers ships that specifically have 1) characters who are equals 2) characters who are incredibly intimate and close w one another even if (or because of) it’s in the context of the rivalry 3) the characters have either some level of co-dependence or a need for the dynamic or one another in some way bc the relationship is fulfilling to them and bonus if 4) they’re the only ones that really understand each other

And I jus. Love that. Esp w kyman it’s so much fun taking that dynamic, the codependency and obsession, and just. Playing with it, on a storytelling/character analysis level. And then making it healthy, having them work through issues, bc the idea that “we’re both in way too deep with each other, we can either destroy each other or learn to get along” is jus 👌👌👌

And w kyman I love having Eric be Kyle’s exception. Kyle feels basically nothing towards his other s/o’s in contrast to how deeply he feels about Eric, and for Eric to have just as much depth of emotion in return. It’s fascinating and really fun esp when written from a kind of duo-redemptive story—they both start out toxic towards each other, and their relationship is toxic to other people, but they can’t bring themselves to put an end to it so they finally make it to that middle ground and come out as better peoole, together

This applies to a lot of my rivals/enemies to lovers ships but w kyman in particular there’s the added Funkiness of the childhood friends dynamic which is TASTEY like some nice sprinkles to jus add that extra Flavour. I love the concept of Kyle and Eric forming parts of their entire identities around each other from the time they were in diapers and everyone accepts that they’re always gonna he crazy for each other bc no one has the bond they do it’s so much fun

4) brotp: I should think more abt Kyle friendships tbh I don’t give those as much attention ahsjdkfkfk—tho I definitely have a soft spot for the super best friends kyle + Stan, I just have to work some development into it.

I love exploring their friendship as smth that deteriorates bc they grow apart as people, but then they realize they don’t WANT to grow apart and have to work to stay friends bc being friends isn’t as easy as it was when you were 8. It brings this really cool development that confronts Stan’s passivity towards his friends/his nihilism and Kyle’s entitlement and lack of emotional sensitivity and how they both need to make some compromises (but esp Kyle, bc I can see Stan as someone who tries very hard to not get much feedback).

In terms of Kyle being friends w other people I’m thinking it would be pretty situational. I can see Kyle getting some really eye opening perspectives from other ppl if he opens himself up to their views but that requires knocking Kyle down a few pegs lol, it’s fun to have him learn to recognize his own assumptions abt ppl and learning to value them as individuals yanno?

3) notp: honestly? Any other kyle ship. I can personally only see Kyle w Eric ahsjdkfk kyman endgame all the way. For me, a lot of other Kyle ships like, don’t make any sense, a lot in part bc I see Kyle as someone who has a lot of issues w socialization, entitlement, and selfishness along with his UNENDING OBSESSION w Eric Cartman (which also somewhat stems from those issues bc of Kyle’s sense of self identity vis a vis the rivalry)

Like, I can’t see Kyle sitting down and forming a meaningful romantic relationship w anyone else bc like, no one can provide the fulfillment, engagement, drive, and push/pull of Kyle’s relationship w Eric. Kyle would leave at the drop of a hat to confront smth Eric was doing and I don’t think he’d ever compromise with that. And someone who does compromise on that probably isn’t someone Kyle would want to be with in the long run.

I think the only ship I can see would be like, poly m4 bc that draws on pre-existing dynamics and doesn’t break or try to divy up Kyle’s attention. (Even tho like I said I don’t like Kyle w anyone else romantically)

5) 1st hc that pops in my head: my Kyle is autistic as fuck. Characterizing him as autistic gives a lot of insight into how his mind works and why he acts the way he does—a lot of his thought processes are just. What makes the most logical sense to him. It’s just that those trains of thought are on KYLES logic and that’s when he struggles to realize when he’s crossed a line or overstepped a boundary. Or how his brain is usually always “self-centered”—not in a morally negative way, just in that it’s not a natural reflect for him to remember other people.

And a ton of other things as well( including a fun hc of Kyle trying to use his autism as an excuse for being a dick, until Also Autistic Craig steps up like, no dude you’re just an asshole bc you’re not trying to do better). And bc as an autistic person, I really relate hard to Kyle to the point where if he were real I’d probably hate him bc we’d be too similar lmao; I think esp when I was a kid I acted a lot like Kyle—the self righteousness, the bossiness, the belief that my way was the only way that made sense and everyone else was just Wrong, the anger issues, etc.

It’s why I’m tough on Kyle a lot of the time, but it’s also why I love thinking abt his development, bc I know firsthand that he can mellow out, change, become a better, more wellrounded and emotionally aware person, and how he can make an effort into doing so

6) oh shit I didn’t even mean for this but obviously one way I relate to Kyle is the Above autistic hc and how I characterize him. Like I said, I acted a LOT like Kyle when I was a kid, so I know he’s an irritating little shit, but also brilliant and too thoughtful for his own good sometimes.

But another thing: I characterize Kyle as someone who is a natural leader, but hates being in official leadership positions. And this is also smth I’ve kinda written due to personal experience. But also from the way kyles often portrayed in canon—in the games, he’s always a support role, always a healer, ranged fighter, or someone who boosts and buffs allies

I see Kyle as the type of person who can easily take control in, for example, a group project situation, or when he’s hanging out with Stan and they’re only doing what Kyle wants to do bc Kyle comes up with all the ideas and Stan just goes along with them

But I can’t see Kyle as someone who’d want to be, like, student counsel president. (That’s more Wendy’s wheelhouse) Mostly bc there’s too much responsibility that it’s just exhausting, and more than that, those official positions are STIFLING. They run on someone else’s schedule and they’re creatively constructive. You can’t fully do your own thing bc you have to be constantly aware of how the group works and what the group wants. I can’t see Kyle as being happy in that position bc he’d get sick of having to conform his ideas to what other ppl want—he just wants to do his own thing.

So instead, Kyle would be more comfortable in a supporting role. Bc in a position like, for example, secretary or VP, he can still have a lot of influence, power, and knowledge, but he’s free from those restrictions that come from being the face of a group. And he’s also free from the social obligations of being a leader, esp in having to deal w other groups in like a business sort of way. AND if the group falls, Kyle won’t take as much of the blame, bc it’s probably not his fault anyways so why should everyone point fingers at him. It’s much less pressure.

(And it’s also kinda inspired by his role in the CBAA??—Cartman’s perfect in the CEO/face of the company position bc Cartman is comfortable with and relishes in the attention and social aspect of being the face/leader of a company, and Kyle can reap all the benefits of being a part of that company, including being an integral pillar of the company, w/o the deficits. If Eric and Kyle ran a company they’d work together, sure, but Eric would crumble without Kyle’s support, and Kyle would hate the stifling pressure of the head position, which makes them a perfect pair.)

(And again this is based on personal experience—I’m a natural leader. People listen to me, I can organize groups, and I’m a good mediator, but I hate when it becomes Official bc I can’t just. Do my own thing as I want to and it’s far too much to keep track of and most of it doesn’t interest me. It always irritated me when my parents tried to push me into like running for student president bc I just kept thinking abt all the work I’d have to do that I wouldn’t care abt)

7) what gives me secondhand embarrassment about Kyle? Well. Just......how much he reminds me of when I was a stupid kid. He’s such a little shit oh my god Kyle shut the fuck up YOURE NOT GHANDI. When Kyle’s being entitled and stuck up, when he thinks he’s better than other ppl, and when his own big mouth and pride are what fucks him over I’m just oh my god. Oh my GODDDDDD SHUT UPPPPP.

Mostly it’s secondhand embarrassment bc I’m jus oh my god ur an idiot—but again bc I know he has the ability to grow out of that and look back on himself with a grimace at how dumb he was ahsjdkfkfk

8) cinnamon roll or problematic fave? Definitely the latter, I love Kyle and I love when he’s happy and contented but him as a cinnamon roll kinda character feels so flat to me. I love him as a problematic fave he’s so much fun as a disaster. He’s complex—he’s tough and caring and angry and compassionate and an absolute fireball of EMOTIONS but he tries to act like he’s a logical rational person and I jus? He’s so much more fun and dynamic when he’s allowed to be messy

(Of course this is long why wouldn’t it be AHSJDKDKKFKGLGLH)

#long post #kyman #south park #kyle broflovski #fl5k #creo talks

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tslasvegas · 4 years ago

Text

Episode 3: “UGH just rename Luxor to Loser” - Xavier

Well... that takes care of the Timmy problem... Love Timmy... Just didn’t know how our dynamic would be cus he was runner-up to the last survivor game I played which I won. Hm... Well...

That went well. There's nothing like a live video tribal to get people together. and stephen didn't react too badly. but i know now he won't work with me moving forward

I’m sorry I’m terrible at confessionals... So things are going well, I think we have a decent tribe but it is too soon to tell. I’m not a huge fan of creative challenges, at least from my previous game, I guess we will see how that goes. Most of the guys seem nice, still trying to feel everyone out.`

A 4-2 vote off is interesting. Someone is on the bottom for sure. Also, this next challenge is a creative challenge and when I do these solo I usually do really well. Hopefully I can channel that energy into a win for us here because two tribes are going to tribal. We’ll be down to 17 after this, so I’m not sure if we’d go into a tribe swap yet? Maybe 2 tribes of 8 with one person sitting out?

Oh hot dang, two tribes are going to tribal next time. Probably going to be us :( now it is time to make alliance chats!

....five seconds later

I suspect that after this double vote out that there will be a tribe swap. I hope I end up with Mo and Jaiden at least.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17NPxKO_TKgqjNqsaWlbmlL0jgU36Aygi/view?usp=drivesdk

I really like this challenge. I feel confident about it but at the same time nervous that 2 tribes will be going to tribal. I really hope my tribe wins this one since I still don't know how the tribe feels about me. Wish me luck guys!

My tribe is not going to win this immunity challenge. Our nightclub is due just hours away and we have little nothing done. I am going to have to scramble soon.....I did nothing to help my tribe with the challenge, so if it is me that goes, I would understand

....five seconds later

Honestly, I want to keep Jaiden and Mo around because I feel closer with them than anyone else. I want to keep Kailyn around because she seems to make time for challenges. Everyone else I am okay with going home, Ben hasn't really done anything soooooo maybe him? Oof

If we lose, then it's 2/3rds my fault and 1/3 Stephen. We better not be on the chopping block if we do lose. This is a two person Tribe as of now. Bobby Jon and Stephenie.

...five seconds later

UGH just rename Luxor to Loser

Second we lose Ben finally responded to my pm’s..... hm..... alright....

Y’all rlly won with a PowerPoint SKDJDJSKLALALL

Some of these guys have an excuse for not giving input into the challenge. Some do not. If I go home because some americans could be bothered doing some base level discussion, ill be annoyed. If I go home because a tribe threw a challenge because they thought id be an easy vote, ill be pissed.

youtube

All that hard work that went into this challenge really paid off! We scored the best and don’t have to attend tribal!! Which is absolutely exciting! Andrew told me he wanted to work together which is rad. Livingston and I want to work together which is radder. And Joey and i want to work together which is raddest. I haven’t spoken too much with Jeff lately even though we talked quite a bit early on. Pat and I speak occasionally. Stephanie and I didn’t really speak at all until recently but we’ve gotten into a good groove the last few days. I’m feeling pretty good about this game so far. I hope there’s no tribal swap or anything right away.

So when I get my chip total I'm gonna update Keegan. He is currently at a soap making class but I want him to know I am serious about working with him in this game and I think this is a good gesture. - keegan has let me know he has 4 chips and is willing to pool them over to me when we have enough so that we can unlock the store. I let him know I am okay with doing the same thing to him, whichever. But yes this is looking HOT for me. - "what's in the store?" | all i can really assume is advantages. we need 10 chips to unlock it. This is very similar to the Unnamed Season but the betting cap gives us more control. At this point, I don't think anyone can mathematically unlock without pooling chips. Keegan and I just need 1 more chip between us. Let's just hope we aren't separated by a swap or some shit. I am hoping for a bit more time on this amazing tribe to get that set up so I have a good idea of what the store holds.

We lost again!?!?!?!?!??! I am so surprised? Nah I'm kidding, but I don't care. I don't blame our team for losing because 3/5 of us were panicking because our president could be a cheetoh. I'm voting Stephen tonight, I hope the others follow suit. It SHOULD be simple, but 9 hours is a long time for Survivor; and if he knows it's him then might run around and create some chaos - which would be funny.

Rachael (love her she’s probably who I’m closest with along with DeNara and Kailyn) is not being subtle about the fact that she either has a pre-existing friendship with Ben or is currently aligned with Ben. Because Ben, from my knowledge has not been social with anyone, nor has he been super active and in our alliance chat with Kailyn, Rachael seems uncomfortable with the fact that Ben is said to be the vote and is saying she would prefer someone else to go. But like c’mon you can’t deny he hasn’t been social, and even if I had a friendship with somebody before a game, if they aren’t active I’m voting them out. Also I lied to my tribe a couple times this round because I’m lazy.

UGH. We LOST the challenge!!! And it wasn't even close *grumbles angrily* But it's okay. I'm gonna have to work my pussy out to this entire tribe to make them keep me around! I feel pretty good about this, I believe the target is leaning towards Ben but we'll have to wait and see. I don't think it's possible rn but I'm hoping for a swap soon so I can feel a little more re-energized in this game because my tribe has been super quiet lately... I think people will try to move the vote around so I'm going to use my current lack of employment as an opportunity to make myself stay alive on this tribe lmao

These guys are being super boring and either Jake is dumber than i thought, or shadier than i gave him credit for. Xavier might be trying to play me but regardless its doubtful ill stay. John seems to have the most chance of winning out of these four as hes not overplaying. Kevin hasnt spoken to me since the colin vote and it pisses me off that I might be going home after being one of two people that worked on the challenge when kevin was taken off the chopping block immediately for playing jeopardy. i hate this tribe.

....five seconds later

Johns out, Jake too by the sound of it. Time for plan B, which never works but might as well try. Fake idol time.

Oof well the uhh, “obvious friend group” has picked their target and it just so happens to be the only person I’ve made an actual alliance with :/ Poor DeNara. I really didn’t want to have to vote her off this early if I didn’t have to and then the worst part is she didn’t even hear it from me. Nobody is even mentioning game right now and Rachael is acting legitimately surprised to me when I came to her saying “okay this is an easier vote than I thought”.. even tho Ben claimed he had already talked to her..?? Idk man I must’ve done something wrong along the way but these people LEGITIMATELY don’t talk to me. My instant reaction is leaning towards being bitter but bitterness doesn’t really get me anywhere :/ I feel kinda.. out of it rn emotionally just because of everything else I have going on so if I seem more reserved tonight at tribal than usual, that’s why. I just hope that I’m not still stuck on that damn mountain rolling my dumbass rock back up only to get knocked back down again. I’m remaining optimistic for the future.. let’s keep winning some challenges mmkay

Okay good news, I shouldn't be leaving. But that being said DeNara, you have goT TO PULL. YOURSELF. TOGETHER. She's packing her bags and from my knowledge she's going to be fine tonight. Hopefully it'll be Ben who's going but DeNara giving up like this isn't helPING.

....five seconds later

Also I am in two alliances which is cool I guess.

Oops....... and now I'm controlling this vote I think :) It feels good. I don't know what my plan is !! I'm lying to everyone. I basically put myself in a position to be the 4th person in both votes and I love it so much. I keep telling ppl I'm an emotional mess and I think I'll milk that because SOMEONE is going to get betrayed tonight... love that for me. Rachael, Nik, and Ben want to vote out DeNara Mo, Kailyn, and DeNara want to vote out Ben And tbh I would prefer Rachael or Nik!! Since neither of those things are happening I guess it's up to me to decide which way I wanna swing... I hate/love myself for this. I think there are good cases for both people to leave, because I think that getting rid of DeNara strengthens bonds I never had with Rachael and co. while getting rid of Ben just makes me their enemy. Honestly I am starting to lean towards getting rid of DeNara for that sole purpose alone. It'll be messy for sure. Ben provides NOTHING to the game right now and I hate the fact that he announced in his intro that he's just here to backstab people... but villains don't win unless they're sitting next to another villain. He's the goat to me and Rachael right now, but pretty homos like me always win xx I might regret this decision down the road but HOPEFULLY whichever side I take will pay me back in protection down the line. I think I have the charm to smooth shit over w Kailyn and Mo but its up for determination. I think that I have the finesse to beat Rachael in a vote, too, but I don't want to put her back up against the wall just yet..... ;) Anyways... I hope this isn't my last confessional. I wasn't having fun until I found my place. Let's get it on.

It is me or Ben tonight. Guess we will find out who...

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fancyfade · 5 years ago

Note

3 for one speical: maya ducard, damian wayen, suren draga!

okay going in order! (from here: link)

Maya Ducard

How I feel about this character

I really like her. I like her relationship with Damian (and how she started out wanting to kill him :P) and how we saw her dealing with what was left to her by her father – in her words, the only thing he left her was the nobody identity.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

no one, just cuz of limited interactions with people her age who she doesn’t consider family.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Maya + Damian kicking everyone’s asses

My unpopular opinion about this character

IDK if I have a ton of unpopular opinions for her, just because i haven’t seen her being talked about enough to know what people consider popular opinions.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I wish she would appear more often -_- She barely ever shows up.

Damian Wayne

How I feel about this character

He’s the best. Possibly temporarily my favorite DC character (usually rotates between him, Cass, and Jaime). He’s very relatable and I like how slow his arc is – he doesn’t turn over a new leaf immediately, and I think that’s very realistic.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

No one, because in the majority of his appearances I like he’s like… 10-11

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Him and Maya :P kicking everyone’s asses

My unpopular opinion about this character

i’m not sure. i think lots of my damian opinions are fairly popular (Except among damian haters :P)

I guess i don’t like it when I’m reading fanfic and they infantalize him, like he leaves League of Shadows and is immediately ready to be comforted by the rest of the batfam? It’s like Damian… wouldn’t want to do that. a) it took him a very long time to even admit to himself that the way he was raised was wrong b) he is super insecure in how he appears and puts on a prideful front and anyone being like “Let me help you” would get something like “What makes you think i need ur help!?!?!”

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I guess what I’d really like to have seen is Damian confronting his mother when she’s not a villain ball holder written by grant morrison. like if she was more gray morality (like she initially was in the comics). because he would obviously have issues with her, since she raised him as an assassin, and in teen titans rebirth (well the first 6 issues I read), he said he wished he could just erase his childhood from his mind. We also see Talia might have had a similar childhood to how he did, which obviously doesn’t excuse her actions*, but might make for some interesting dialogue and interactions in the hands of a decent writer.

and damian confronting his past has some really great stories (like Robin: Son of Batman).

*TBH due to her inconsistent writing I have a Lot of opinions about Talia… but that would probably be best left for a separate post. I’m not sure you really can mesh pre-morrison Talia w/ post morrison talia cuz i’m not sure pre-morrison talia would have even raised Damian in the LoS

Suren Darga

How I feel about this character

I generally like him? He only appeared in like 2 issues of comics with any substantial interaction, so it’s hard to have a very strong opinion on him one way or the other

All the people I ship romantically with this character

no one

My non-romantic OTP for this character

OT3: him and maya and damian going around on goliath in their raised by supervillains club

My unpopular opinion about this character

I think the interaction with his father was very flatly written. it’s like they did such a good job fleshing out the al ghul dynamics in the first 6 issues in Robin: Son of Batman and showing how you can be raised in an abusive family but not really think it’s abnormal, and have complicated feelings about it (Damian was obviously really worn down by the year of blood, when he’s out of the LoS he’s able to articulate how bad it was, but in the time he was convinced he was making his family proud and things were normal).

but suren’s dad was like “yeah i was just using u u idiot” and it didn’t really ring true to me. like IDK why didn’t he get a last ditch attempt to get suren to turn on his new friends? Or anything? like i guess they want to show that his dad is obviously a piece of shit and the issue is ending in 10 pages, but his dad was gonna destroy the world! We knew he was a piece of shit! I want to see whatever suren saw the first 10-13 years of his life.

IDK who knows. maybe that was what he saw. but it really contrasted awkwardly with the al ghuls, which is weird considering i think he’s supposed to be a foil for damian.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

one thing i’d wish to happen would be for him to show up, ever again.

#ask #abuse cw #abusive parents cw #child abuse cw #damian wayne #maya ducard #suren darga #robin: son of batman #spoilers #talia al ghul

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tamiddyinyourcity · 5 years ago

Text

1:13am.

I could kill a person with a look alone. If anyone enters this room, they might turn to stone.

(That's the poet version of "I feel exhausted, and angry, craving sugar, and upset".)

Monday, April 27th of 2020.

What's on my mind?:

Rowan is a lying cunt. Shoutout to Mr. Patches here, for the oh so classic "I'm not talking to any other girls" card you pulled, just for after my tweets the other day, WHEW, BOY, DID SOME VERY NICE YOUNG WOMEN HAVE A LOT OF--

I promised secrecy, but all I'll say is... Fuck you, Rowan. I feel much less bad about what I said to you now. And ironic, that the reason I left ended up 100% being accurate.

I would be hurt at knowing that he was pulling the "come onnnn, who CARES about long distance, we can make it wooork, it's gonna be us quarantined for months anyways so why not just get to connect now????", while simultaneously going "Well I'm not sure if long distance could work", excuse after excuse while never actually giving me the closure I'd need, by still continuing to lead me on anyway..... And I took the way he described using long distance "as an excuse" to one girl he's mentioned to me, as a signal of, "You're gonna end up clingy to him and sad just like her, if you keep sticking around."

Shoutout to Rowan. Life isn't as hard as one thinks. Wanna play the field? Say that. Want a harem? Say that. Just looking for fun? Say thaaaaaaat. God, why are they like this.

And I see why his bitch ass tried to claim he didn't act "relationshippy" with me..... Since he uses the same pet names and pervy attitude with hella other girls, and probably is used to it, meanwhile the girls are genuinely creeped out by him doing that too..... See, this is why a guy like him is single. I'd go more in depth to explain how creepy he was to one girl, but I promised not to....

I'll just be happy that I can remove all guilt now, since my intuition was 100% correct. And if he only raged at me the other day since multiple hoes now know he was sexting me, creeping on me, and insulting me willy nilly.... Then boohoo bitch, keep it in your pants next time.

And a bit of annoyance is present as well. So for the rest of my life, the only way to keep a man, is to not be interested in them at all?????????? Hell, Marco stuck around even an entire year after we first fucked, solely since he found me attractive and wanted to "prove himself to me". Its terrible. Whoever decided to make me bisexual instead of a full on lesbian made a mistake, all it does is make me want to fight men.

All Ro had to do was stay in his place with the sexual shit. Once a guy starts doing the "beautiful/angel/sweetheart/love" thing is the annoying part.... Like for fucks sake! Its a sexual dynamic! Don't make it W E I R D. And then they make it weird... and if I reciprocate, they suddenly wanna hit me with that "Well I don't get how you took me hitting you up constantly and calling you pet names outside of sexual context, flirting and praising you, nonstop talking, and showering you with attention as remotely romantic?????" Shit like that makes me want to punch a whore like him in the throat, but thankfully, he is in the UK.

It ruins the fun of a fling. Since damn nigga, have ur fun if u want, but crossing boundaries and being extra ruins it. Fuck's sake.

I hate this so much. I wanna go out, get dressed up, enjoy the sun with some gelato, enjoy myself.... this is really not enjoying myself.

I also really need sex. Dildos..... suck, honestly. They're too rigid, and are not attached to a man with nice hands to rub up and down by back during deep strokes, so what's the point????????

Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I need sugar, desperately. I ran out of my snacks in my storage.... or well, the cookies I mean.... not in the mood to find my honey roasted peanuts, tbh.

But desperate times call for very desperate measures.

1:36am. I think I may be internally bleeding again, but hard to say... I please hope that I can get actual good sex when this ends. Or even just basic intimacy. A HUG OR SOMETHING! MAYBE A KISS ON THE CHEEK! AN ENDEARING HAND HOLD????? SOMEONES FOREHEAD RESTING ON MINE? A CUDDLE?

Aaaaaa! I could cry, really. My eyes are watering, i miss getting actual physical affection.

Gonna go eat something to make my stomach taste anything other than chicken and brown rice. Peace yalls.

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antthonystark · 8 years ago

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anyway things that were amazing about 2x11

VISUALLY what a lovely episode!!!! that awful green colour grading from 2a seems to be gone (or mostly gone) and yeah, the lighting is still dark, but i feel like they’ve finally struck the appropriate balance between season “looks like a commercial’ one and season “who the fuck even is in this scene?” 2a lol. like if you look at the rooftop scene from 2x05 compared to 2x11, it’s night and day.

speaking of visual effects, did anyone else love love love the way the end part of the episode looked, when azazel was fuckin screaming into everyone’s ears or whatever? the pentagram and everything and then like the ash and i really liked the effect where azazel evaporated into bats or what fuckin ever

GOLDEN EYES JACE HOW COOL IS THIS plus basically that whole badass leap and sword thing whatever you wanna call it i just loved that whole thing it’s like this really really cool mythology coming to life and i really liked the aesthetic of it all with the glowing runes and eyes

azazel recognizing magnus was my favourite thing in the entire world tbh like ohhh man i really hope they go down this route when they’re exploring magnus’s backstory and the way alec in the background just kind of looks between them.....is there anything better than this

starting from the top, i really love the institute courtyard set! i don’t think we’ve seen it before? but anyway it was really nice and it set a really cool atmosphere for both the demon summoning scene and the parabatai sparring scene and i really hope we see more of it

and uhhh speaking of the parabatai sparring scene.... i mean.....is there anything better than this just tbh

like i said before i love the set and the atmosphere of it i thought it was super cool and it wasn’t even that poorly lit for being at night lol and the music was nice! i love the kind of electro techno what fuckin ever im too old for this stuff they play during the sparring scenes

and the fight choreography this season has been out!!!! of this!!! world!!!! personally i loved the sword/axe fighting they did but the hand to hand was just as fun and more cute and almost like play fighting between brothers and i just loved it

the teasing!! the smiles!! just a really good lighthearted scene that didn’t feel extraneous either

okay hate climon if you will but that scene was really pretty visually

the attempted hug between jace and simon had me in stitches dom and alberto are so perfect at their dynamic whether you ship it or not it’s fantastic

im glad we’re seeing a more increased presence of the clave because it’s only appropriate and it rounds out the world better and is hopefully going to make certain things implied about the clave more explicit

plus......herondale reveal.......soon hopefully lol

ive seen that restaurant multiple times in person that azazel decimated and i think that’s a cool fun fact irrelevant to everyone but me

I LOVED THE SCENE between alec and izzy....like i did not like the yin fen plot but it seems like we’re wrapping that up thank god...and it was just so damn sweet!!!! alec is so sweet and nurturing and caring isn’t he :)))))

oh lord that sweet sad little smile that they exchanged when he said “they all think you have the flu” kill me now that was perfect

matt and em have such a damn perfect dynamic and chemistry it kills me every single time and em was also fantastic in all of the withdrawal scenes

when she’s trying to put her makeup on is especially touching and i think it’s as good a character moment for izzy as we’ve gotten recently and i really liked it

motherfuckin luke alpha garroway that was so badass and i loved every damn second of it (plus idk about you but that “detective garroway” was nice)

luke being 100% done with ollie was hilarious and i loved it

his excuse about taking notes on his phone was great too i just loved that whole scene tbh

loved the moments between simon and maia!! i’m so glad they’re not trying to put any unnecessary drama between them and just having them move on and stay friendly with each other!!

magnus’s outfit basically saved my life so there’s that

i want his coat and someone in that costume department deserves literal emmys

plus whenever magnus just....knows everything....all the time...... i love it

love the boyfriends working together!! solving problems!! helping each other out like real people do and i also really liked the aesthetic of the scene with that garbage can fire lighting it up....probably not gonna be fun as a gifmaker but it looked cool as hell (esp with that coat)

GOODBYE!!! UNECCESSARY!!! INCEST!!! ANGST!!! hello to a sweet and healthy relationship being allowed to form w/o unnecessary incest angst :)))

i actually loved the scene between the two of them right after, when clary is a little bit upset and tells jace to “feel something” i feel like it’s really indicative of the different ways they look at the world and themselves and yes i enjoyed it

cute bonding moment between luke and maia!!! im really glad that they’re acknowledging the problems while not ruining their relationship, because i love it a lot and it just really shows how much trust maia has in luke and vice versa

the scene........with.............jace and alec on the rooftop..........is there anything better than this......i just love how it was completely wordless and yet you understood the emotions perfectly and the little pat alec does on jace’s head fuck me up man

more scenes like this please where emotions aren’t thrown in our face through over-expressive dialogue and the actors are allowed to act because holy shit it was perfect

speaking of which, SUBTLETY!! with ollie being potentially ??? who knows with that pic she took of luke and maia, plus the tiny little hints (i mean we all know who he is but if we didn’t) about sebastian (also kudos to will tudor for a fantastic first episode!!) like the way he talks about jocelyn which is some pretty sick dramatic irony for us at this point, and the weird hand burn thing he was doing......i really liked it and i think will is gonna be amazing and i’m excited to see what’s next

like it’s not punching us in the face with information and i really appreciate that

alec and izzy’s phone call!!! it’s so cute and im so glad they’re handling their conflicts in character because they just care and love each other so so so so so much and you can see that so clearly and i love it

though im not a fan of the trope in this context, i cannot fucking wait to see harry shum fuckin jr killing the game next episode because he will and it will be phenomenal tbqh

#feel free to add your own #am i not putting this under a read more? no i am not fuck you read it #aggressive positivity is the new name of the game #shadowhunters #sh spoilers #my thoughts #mine:meta #i might make this a regular thing #but it's too long for anyone to read lol #sorry but im not #long post //#text post

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eyedelater · 8 years ago

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post about the rest of the ajin anime (seasons 1 and 2)

(nothing special, just a liveblog post)

ajin episode 6

i see that the animation budget saved by doing CGI was instead spent on the fluttery shifty effects of the black ghosts

so satou's ghost is also anvil-headed

right, nagai doesn't have much empathy... hmm... hmm... that doesn't excuse his being an asshole at times

tosaki sure is eager to jump to conclusions as to why satou didn't bring out his ghost

ohh, ghost-to-ghost head collisions can bump some memories back and forth, interesting, i forgot about that...

huh, what is eriko calling kei "onii-chan" for at a time like this? she called him "nii-san" to his face and i think in front of everyone who talked to her about him, right? was that her way of expressing worry about him...?

episode 7

tosaki's gotta get that dekai kane

right, of course he's motivated by comatose fiance. doesn't excuse any of the shit he's done

episode 8

nakano kou. do we seriously have a kei, a kai, and a kou? sounds like a bit of a natural OT3 tbh

episode 9

there we go, nagai kei finally being an indisputable asshole

oh, right, big pharma makes an appearance as an antagonist

sokabe has a very silly face.

i already forgot what IBM stands for and can only come up with IBM he company or ICBM (intercontinental ballistic missile) without the C

right, ogura's distinguishing feature was not only smoking cigarettes, but being unreasonably dedicated to his brand of smokes in particular. so dumb

episode 10

ogura says a black ghost can only be used once or twice a day, but didn't nagai kei whip em out one after another like it was no thing? is that his special protagonist power that makes him differentiated enough to be the protagonist?

kei's ghost learned how to fell a tree from minecraft

do they really have huge screens up in cities complete with booming audio? the screens are nothing new, but the audio seems unusual to me

episode 11

oh, tosaki finally learned satou's name. from satou's video.

yamanaka-san bought him an oPhone8

"life and money are synonymous" sounds like your typical CEO

omfg satou rode the sinking tower and had a great time

sokabe is still calling satou "hat guy." get with the picture

episode 12

this just in: does satou sometimes substitute a "sh" sound in for an "s" sound?

episode 13

kei demonstrates his shittiness by holding a knife to yamanaka-san's neck after getting sniped. what a dick. oh wait he made it work. well whatever

tosaki says nagai kei is not a fool and as such he probably already scouted out the area, but tosaki immediately also says nagai kei has probably exhausted his black ghost uses for the day, something a fool would do because only a fool doesn't know their own limits and try to use them tactically in such a situation

time for season 2 i guess, episode 2-1

this OP isn't bad i guess

these subs having sokabe say "it's normal for a subordinate to greet his senpai." listen, if you use "senpai," you gotta also use "kohai," and if you use "subordinate," you also gotta use "superior" you can't just pick and choose which words you want to translate

this ending song is horrible

ep 2-2

sakurai emerging from the airplane toilet clearly zipping up his fly out of frame and seeing satou and his eyebrows just turn on a fulcrum and then turn backward like they're pinball flippers

ep 2-3

ah. i was musing over what must be the most popular ship for ajin, thinking maybe kei/kai or kei/kou or tosaki/ogura, but i've had a bit of a realization, and if i know the hearts of the BL community at all, their favorite ship is probably some sinful shit like tosaki/kei. i’ll find out soon enough whether i’m right (haven’t looked at any ajin pixiv tags yet)

ep 2-4

kotobuki, eh. seems like a charming character. oh, this bandanna delinquent is pulling the ol' pee-and-chat

kaito, everyone's favorite punching bag

for the record, i know i've read beyond this point in the manga, but i don't remember shit except that i left off around a chapter where we see shimomura's history.

kotobuki has a small head, maybe he just squeezed through some bars to escape

ah, i just realized the other anime this kinda reminds me of: zankyou no terror. it's got the police/government and the american government trying to intervene aspect to it.

carly meyers doesn't have any kind of american accent... i was kinda hoping she would

neither does doug here. i guess they didn't have voice actors who would have some fun doing a bad accent... or maybe they didn't see it as appropriate

holy FUCK, kaito executed a flying dropkick even though he wasn't on higher ground or anything, what the fuck

kotobuki asks kai what nagai kei is like and i earnestly half-expected him to reply "he's scum" like everyone else does

oh, so kotobuki's got a winged kuro-chan. lucky...

i forgot to write about this in the episode where it was said, but that iowan ajin whose ghost was driving a tractor is such a perfect image i can't stop thinking about it

ep 2-5

so i guess satou's catchphrase is "sssshate" (bc he kinda does a "sha" instead of a "sa") (meaning "now, then.")

the first OP wasn't skippable but i find myself needing to skip this one

there's lots of "pulling up live television broadcasts via a non-television device" in this anime

kou calling shimomura "izumi-san" pls

i like how whoever is nearest the whiteboard is the one to cross the latest victim off the target list

ok, if tosaki is about to be fired (which, hasn't he been for a while now?), that made me think, why is he concerned about his job when he's doing this conspiring with ogura and nagai etc hidden from his superiors? is he concerned about stopping satou, or is he still only concerned about money for his fiancee...? is he getting hella paid for this even though he's less involved in the torture (the real moneymaking activity) than before?

i don't like this dynamic btwn american guy and carly meyers where he keeps correcting her gruffly and she keeps backing off and looking afraid/ashamed.

they had nakano put on a satou hat to be satou ;w;

did shimomura just plug a flash drive into her phone? what kind of compatibility we got in this time period?

how long do neck-stab sedatives take to kick in in real life?

carly meyers's kuro-chan has a gem-shaped head

why don't all ajins just keep a knife or something on them to cut their own throat whenever they get hurt

ep 2-6

tainaka yoko. yup, this is about where i left off in the manga, i believe

whoa there, tosaki just got tased right in the nib nob. that's dirty, american doug

i can't say i feel bad for tosaki getting tortured.

ep 2-7

shut your ungrateful mouth, tosaki, shimomura was LITERALLY just doing her job, which you TOLD HER WAS HER JOB: PROTECTING YOU

how in the fuck did satou get away with playing dead when the other side KNOWS it's ajins they're fighting

why isn't ogura, a native english speaker, the one writing an email to the defense department

ep 2-8

this new OP is ok

ep 2-10

(i spent all of 2-9 doing origami instead of typing)

tosaki don't relapse on your smoking habit :( that's not gonna do anyone any good.

ep 2-11

kai busts in with his signature move and saves the day and he's started calling kotobuki "senpai"

so kei's signature line to kai is "i really have to pee"

kai's like "you're wrong. he (kei) isn't an idiot." that's right, he's actually trash, ask anyone

i can't emphasize enough how bad this ending theme is

ep 2-12

well okuyama-kun has been kind of lovable so far, so if he and others decide to join tosaki's side, that would probably be good

isn't burying someone alive the worst way to try to contain them? because you can't see them directly. they could escape without you noticing

ep 2-13

no kabedonning shimomura >:(

wait wait is tanaka also wearing a satou hat? oh, it's just a baseball cap.

fuck off tanaka don't impale shimomura in the same way twice

oh, one of nagai's new ghost army said the thing that nagai said at the scene where he first saw a ghost :0 about the sick puppy. i like all these ghosts spouting quotes

oh, he cut off satou's head. well, that's the first head we've seen cut off. is he facing the right direction to meet his new self? he closed his eyes too soon for us to find out :\

helicopters are raining in bullets from above like in ghost in the shell (1995) (unless i’m completely misremembering. there were other things that were raining bullets in various directions in that scene so i’m not sure)

so now satou's in custody for the first time.

so satou had an exposition dream

honestly i’m no longer sure where i even left off when i read the manga x years ago, i feel like i may have dropped it because i didn’t care for the boring military shit going on for quite a while, but i feel like i even distantly remember satou being beheaded in the manga...? but anyway i’m gonna (re?)read the whole manga now i guess. overall manga verdict: it had a distant, clammy feel to it, but not bad; the voice for nagai’s ghost was real good; they did a good job with the cgi animation, but it definitely lacks something compared to the art in the manga; the only good OP was the first one; and yeah idk my feeling toward this anime is pretty neutral.

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sillyfudgemonkeys · 8 years ago

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Hi, I am a fan of the ann/akira ship. I read about your post on the scene you mentioned that got played down in the US version, been wondering, which scene did you mean and what did she say in the Japanese version?Thanks

Sorry for taking so long. ;w; Ok yeah I’m freaking salty, I dunno if this is the whole “too many cooks in one stew” or what but god, why is it so inconsistent. Ahem sorry I’ll explain what I mean by that below, ok, so like just so you know I haven’t finished the english version, but I looked up this one scene, cause I loved the gd scene and cause I couldn’t wait and …..wow they ruined it. Also this is like in the very end game so like spoilers below (now’s your time to look away, ok? good? alright) and yeah I’m gonna compare it to this one other similar scene cause favortism on AtlusUSA’s part, incompetence, or the too many cooks in a stew and they didn’t communicate (I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt and saying it’s the last one). (also, haha sorry for being uber angry in this post, I try not to be angry or negative in ANY posts but alnfdslknfa I CAN’T hold myself back)

Ok so after the MC returns from basically jail/holding-whatever there’s a scene where everyone like looks at him and greets him when he comes back:

Ok so this is from the MC’s POV, he walks in and sees everyone! Awwww. And then the camera pans to each person, starting with Mako and Futaba where they smile, then to Haru and Yusuke who smile and wave respectively (also everyone is letting out happy noises like “haaa! :D” or “aha! :D”), then Ryuji (only Ryu not him and Anne, just Ryu) who also smiles and is uber happy as well…and then there’s Anne….As you can see she’s facing away…

The camera zooms on her only. And then she stands up and turns to the MC dramatically and says:

Okaeri….Aka, “welcome back/home” in english….WELCOME MOTHERFUDGEMONKEYING HOME! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OH MY GOD. THIS FREAKING BLEW MY MIND. It’s small and simple? Yes. Yes it is. But IT’s the fact ANNE says it! I thought if anyone it’d be Ryuji (cause first friend) or Futaba (cause family dynamic, dating or not they’re still close)…BUT NO IT’S ANNE! ANNE GETS TO SAY THIS! IT JUST BLEW MY GD MIND! I won’t lie, this is also a very good book end thing considering she’s the first one he met (and their nice smile/interaction during that time too ;w;). “Okkkkk Silly, why is this a moment? Other than her being the only one who says anything in the cutscene and makes it semi dramatic?” Well dksalnf;andf if “welcome home” as in “oh my god this is your gd home and we’re your friends and we’re family” isn’t enough heartwarming in just that phrase I dunno what is (and ANNE is the one who says that). Usually you say this when someone has come home….like in a family, parents say it to kids, kids say it to parents, siblings say it to each other, parents (or you know…. a couple who lives together ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) *wink wink*) say it to each other etc… So like….there’s those undertones too (if you want to look at it like that, YOU DON’T HAVE TO but it’s there if you WANT), and before you call me out on that just wait a second haha AtlusUSA you shot themselves in the foot on this one and I’m coming for blood. (I’ll say this, and I’ll say this now, the fact that this happened to Anne is not why I’m upset, it’s what they did to the MC and the meaning behind this word and scene and it could’ve been ANY CHARACTER who could’ve said it and I would still be mad. Tbh I think this scene should’ve changed depending on who you romanced, with that person getting to say the phrase, but considering Anne can be such a bro sometimes I guess it’s ok cause of ambiguity….but yeah…It’s not cause of Anne but it’s a salty smack to Anne/MC shippers’ faces :/)

Ok so why am I the most livid of livid? You wanna know how they translated it? You wanna know what she says in the english dub? DO YOU WANNA KNOW? I DON’T THINK YOU WANNA GD KNOW! FINE THIS IS WHAT SHE SAYS:

youtube

(yes that was my freaking reaction)

HAHA EXCUSE ME?! “Hey there”….”HEY THERE?” GOD CHRIST ON A CRACK I WOULD’VE TAKEN “YOU’RE BACK!” IN LIKE A SUPER RELIEVED, ALMOST TEARY EYED VOICE ATLUSUSA! I WOULD’VE BEEN FINE WITH IT! NOT THIS LOAD OF MONKEY BUTT! ‘HEY THERE’ HAHAHAHAAAAAA I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY DID THAT…MOTHER OF…THEY COULD’VE FIT “WELCOME BACK/HOME” IN THE LIP MOVEMENTS! THEY SHOULD’VE USED “WELCOME HOME!” IT’S NOT JUST THE ANNE MOMENT (christ anyone could’ve said it and I’d still be miffed, Yusuke could’ve said it and I’d advocate for the ShuKita fans that this was BS), IT’S THE FACT THAT THIS SCENE LOST THE “THIS IS YOUR HOME” MOMENT FOR THE MC! LIKE WOW GOOD JOB ATLUSUSA!

No really what were they thinking here? “Oh maybe the mouth movements-” NOPE! They did “welcome home/back” (or in Kanji’s case “it’s good to see you senpai”) in P4G bonus ending, which proves you can fit it into the mouth movements (among countless other animes that have done it too), SO WHAT THE HECK IS THIS? And same with the reverse, tadaima/I’m home, they did that in PQ’s P3 Side ending! The MC says that! THIS ISN’T NEW ATLUS WHY IS IT JUST “HEY THERE”?! It looses the gd impact. So yeah “played down” is a bit of an understatement imo. ;w;

“Ok Silly, you’re upset, I get it. But maybe they just wanted to mix things up for P5 instead?” Ha…haha….HAHAHAHAHAHAHA EFF NO THEY DID NOT! They did this earlier in the game, but from what I could tell AtlusUSA decided to get creative with it (even adding to the gd romantic aspect, which they robbed for Anne shippers), ohhhhh some of you might know what I’m talking about this one right here:

Original Japanese:

Goro: Welcome HomeMC: I’m backGoro: You’re back pretty late.

Ok, fairly normal. I mean it is a common phrase in japanese and it’s not solely tied to a romantic aspect. I think Goro might have been joking around since Goro himself doesn’t live there (but I can’t hear any comedic undertones in his voice so…yeah…I dunno, it just feels matter of fact).

Oh…but what does AtlusUSA do?

English Version:

Oh…wow….WOWIE ATLUSUSA! SO YOU CAN TRANSLATE IT AS “WELCOME HOME!” YOU JUST DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT WHEN IT WAS EMOTIONALLY HEARTWARMING YOU JERKS! NOPE WE HAD TO MAKE A JOKE HERE! EVEN THO THERE (most likely) WASN’T REALLY ONE TO BEGIN WITH!

Like, no this is not ok. You can have the gd haha Goro scene I don’t care, just why’d you have to screw with the freaking heartwarming team moment???? WHY ATLUSUSA?Ugh….they should’ve delayed the game, there’s so much going on with this game’s translation (mostly some word salad and some inconsistencies or small problems….among other things), I think they should’ve delayed the game one more time, like the more I talk with other people I think this delay from Feb was mostly cause of the other games that were coming out at that time and wanted to avoid competition rather than fixing the script. I really think they needed to go over the script a few more times, we probs wouldn’t have gotten the game till summer/late spring but at least I wouldn’t be judging this game to hell and back (I also blame AtlusJP for not giving AtlusUSA the game earlier/more time like…..c’mon man you have so much dialogue in your game you couldn’t cut them some slack and give them the game, or at least script, early 2016 or late 2015?) I really hope that if they re-release an updated version of this game it includes them reworking the script, kinda like the one SAO game that had a horrible script on Vita but then they redid it for the PS4 release (then again they’d probs have to redub some things so maybe they won’t). I’m sorry but I’m just very upset, cause this is also ruining my enjoyment of the game even tho I don’t want it to…and it just really sucks….yeah….

#persona 5 #p5 #anne takamaki #ann takamaki #ann/akira #anne/akira #annxakira #annexakira #silly asks #silly answers #anon

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zagenta · 8 years ago

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hear me out for a sec

Tbh all that’s left of the good h/a/m/ilton content that isn’t just pretty fanart of the musical is rly intriguing b/c i feel like it exists on this plane of existence completely separate from actual history or even the musical? Do you know what I mean?

Like I know its usually considered OOC writing for characters to be unlike canon but all the really interesting content i’ve consumed has evolved the characters so that they’re far more interesting their their canon counterparts, b/c ppl are using the bare bones of what was once probably a historical demon man to base a template for a fully fleshed out character. There’s been some really great content that delves into exploration of sexuality, gender, race, etc that’s based primarily on ppls interpretations, although that’s probably bc at this point i primarily only look at content by authors of color that talk abt LGBT+ characters of color.

Honestly it’s an excuse for some real creativity and exploration of intimate subject matter.

The femslash and the next gen stuff is a great example. Originally this post was going to be a joke that I was gonna write an original story featuring the hamilton next gen and nobody would have any idea, but really its true. Ppl have fabricated personalities out of practically nothing or very little historical info for characters that have very small roles or are completely cut from the diegesis such as Frances Laurens, Dolley Madison, Maria Cosway, Maria Reynolds, Martha Manning, Theodosia Jr, Georges and Adrienne, etc and I think that’s amazing!

And these practically fanmade characters are given stories that touch on LGBT+ themes, parental/child dynamics, drugs, racism, mental illness, art, music, etc. It’s surprisingly mature, and these characters expand upon the themes of the original text and adds additional themes and making it better, more palatable, and more satisfying.

Almost always set in a creative setting or a modern setting.

Not that there isn’t that mountain of weird fetish-y romanticization works from the fandom, there is, but at this point i’ve learned to tune it out. I just think its amazing how fans can expand a pretty problematic original text into something far more interesting (it’s actually a pretty similar phenomenon to what happened with T/w/i/light, 50 shades fiasco aside). There’s lots of cringey stuff, but the same fan cliches can also be used to great effect.

Perfect example? Nonbinary Laf: often a cringey token nonbinary flamboyant european gay stereotype or an excuse to fetishize daveed, but i’ve also seen (and written, not to hype myself up too much) works that show a lot of depth to his character, his defiant flamboyancy being an act of queer transgression, that are a lot more introspective on the experience of being a nonbinary or bisexual person and parent, an outsider.

Often its the stereotypes that were used to the point of exhaustion by white fandom that we reclaimed to spin in a more nuanced light (some of it we worked to deconstruct b/c it was just nasty but other stuff we’ve reclaimed).

Because seriously, what fans of color have done w/ the show vs. what white fans have done is honestly incomparable. I mean, I doubt Israa still cares abt this demon musical, but her fics were serious artistry. Same w/ Dia, but Sorry About the Blood in Your Mouth is AMAZING. And Peaches’ Maria Cosway Certified Lesbian is the most charming thing on the planet. I even think the silly shit has its merits.

& its strange, b/c most of these characters are so unlike their original counterparts, or were created from whole cloth, so they feel much more like *mine* than any character on some whitebread m/a/r/v/e/l show could be. And while, H/a/m/i/l/ton, as problematic as it is, is probably quite literally a masterpiece, these characters really don’t belong to the musical or to history. Sure they may inhabit the same names, but they’re not the same.

Butch lesbian Peggy is OURS, its not the musical’s. Stoner John Laurens, (silly as it might seem) is ours (well, its Vic’s), not the musical’s. Nonbinary Lafayette is OURS. Butch lesbian Frances Laurens with a F/un H/ome dynamic with her fucked up gay dad is ours. Technically-not-siblings/best-friend-cousins Philip and Frances is OURs. (I’d argue even the more problematic ones like Mads & TJ are so removed from the historical and musical reality that they fall under this category, fucked up as it seems).

They’re their own characters, they exist in a universe tangential to history and the musical but not the same one.

--And I’m gonna veer off into self-indulgent territory, but as far as my own involvement in fandom goes, I personally put a lot of work into this alternate universe. Closeted, ambitious, perfectionist Dolley Payne is mine. Gangly, neurotic, awkward gay Georges is mine. Angelica/Dolley the ambitious power couple is mine. Queer anarchist rebel Virginie de Lafayette is mine. They’re MY characters, and I’m extremely proud of them.

tbh im just gonna admit that me focusing on second generation of kids like Frances & Philip & etc and the women both in the show & that weren’t rly in it like Eliza & Angelica & Dolley & shit is how i reconcile w/ myself for H/a/m/ilton being a show based on the demon fathers & its not a perfect solution but tbh it gives me an excuse to just make up shit that are basically my own OCs bc half the characters i writer abt were never in the show. I know its basically an excuse to assuage my own guilt but there it is.

Anyways im not rly sure how to end this, if we’re mutuals i’d rly like your input. And pls don’t let this circulate around, i especially dont want antis to see it nor particularly do i care abt white fans’ opinions either

also i know this is super apologist i just wanted to express an idea

#shut up Janelle

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ink-in-water · 5 years ago

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reflections!!

Hello.

This CB period or just the outbreak of corona virus has been rather intimidating. It has made me aware of more things and also question more things.

I think this has made me realised that it is important to have something you really believe in. Or rather a set of things that you really ascribe to and can anchor yourself with. Because at the end of the day you are your only constant. Then also, it is important to build a home environment/ homebase that you really feel comfortable and confident of!! Also, know who are people you want in your life and you want to pace your life with.

I guess most people would say not to compare but I think that’s rubbish. We have to choose who we influence and are influenced by. Like both social and parasocial relationships (esp w social media now) are very important as indicators for our lives. I mean it in a way that it is important to have people who will challenge what you think, who will support and appreciate what you do. To have people who will continue to allow you to learn because they afford that safety, that mentality and also that voice you need. I think a lot of things we do in life should have synergy but not dependency. And that also makes for more fluid and non-hierarchical approach in the way we think. Because we see everything as gears in a system, then we turn different gears on different occasions, but they are all crucial to the operating of the machine.

I want to break out of thinking in ways that closes off a lot of possibilities. Also because these ways of thinking lets me hide behind excuses like, “oh I can’t do this if I want that” or like “I can’t do anything about this because I am this”. But more importantly I think I am at a stage now where I am comfortable enough to know that I don’t know many things and I am confident enough to want to explore and be different(?) from what is the tried and tested methods.

Like I always felt like I wanted to have three kids and a nice house and like a retirement plan. This means that I also have to whole a full-time job that is stable and pays for the middle-class lifestyle. But tbh, I don’t think that is what I want? Because I want to have the freedom of floating to and fro projects, I want that dynamic career. Also I want to see the world here and there, unplug from the “real” world now and then also. And I think JS kinda wants to too? Like the passion we have for being alive is not one that sits perfectly aligned with the middle-class nuclear family narrative. And that’s fine.

I think I still want to have kids, or rather, I want to have my own baby and then have a baby with JS too. And it doesn’t have to be ASAP just cos that is more convenient and that is what we are used to seeing. If we don’t end up having a human baby, I think that’s fine too. But I really want to nurture something with him that will go on to have a life of its own, beyond ours. I want to springboard things that have independence I guess, because I don’t like dependency haha.

Also, I think it’s fine to take longer to get to places. I keep struggling with this especially because famous people are getting younger lmao. But I think it is fine, because if I am already at the top at such a young age, where else do I go? What else do I do? I think it is better to just take chances more and see where we end up and how life goes too.

So I really want to find something I can spend a few years working on and sharing with others. I think I need to do things that benefit more than myself. Because the more I do things for myself (like with my own interest as the utmost priority rather than my growth and the impact of my actions), the more ennui I feel. And I think that is to be expected. If I continue to scream in vacuum, obviously I am not gonna get anything back. But if I start conversations in the market, then it’s different.

I was listening to Ivan Heng’s talk just now and he said some good stuff. He said young artists like to say that their art was carthatic and that is wrong; that got me very defensive. He said you can use life for art but not art for life. Then I kinda get what he means. We use our life as fodder for the art we make, we don’t use art as an escapist avenue for what we don’t like or refuse to deal with in life. If art cannot service people, why do we expect to be funded for it? Why do we expect audiences if it is for ourselves? If my art doesn’t comfort someone, if it doesn’t ask the right questions, if it doesn’t give someone something to think about or hope for... Why will they need to see it? What do I have to offer to others in exchange for their time and understanding?

I want to make works that will change others a little too. But I don’t know how yet but I want to try.

I want to live in a way that is more open. A way that will make me more receptive of differences, to be more fluid in the way I think. To be more flexible in the way I act and treat people, systems and objects. I want to figure this out with JS because I think both of us love life this way!!!!!

art is long, life is short!

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survivor-hosts · 7 years ago

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MJ’s Jury Questions

To start off, I would like to say thank you to Jessy for making to FTC so I actually have somebody that I want to vote for. God bless you.

At any rate, I do have some thoughts and questions for Jessy. You obviously played a very visible and strong game, there’s no denying that. But personally, I have trouble finding much to admire in your approach to the game this season. That’s mostly because I know you’re a high caliber player that capable of a LOT more than what was seen this season. It’s disappointing to see you take the path of least resistance and working with the people that you did work with post-merge. Basically, and hear me out please, I don’t think you should ever complain about Adversaries again. This post-merge was practically the exact same with only one change in the end-game. Imagine yourself as Sam, Scott as Laure, Allison as Trace, Connor as myself (wow… a self-drag!), and me/Connah as Jake/Kaitlyn. That’s pretty much the best comparison I can find and why I honestly struggle to find your game as admirable. Whether you admit it or not, you worked with people that were easy to manipulate, relatively passive, and generally bad at the game, and you capitalized on that. I would’ve been far more impressed by you this season if you would’ve actually attempted to work with Sam and Lydia at some point, or at least convinced them that they weren’t on your radar, rather than simply target them literally from day one (1). Anyways, I have two questions for you: 1 — You contributed to having this game set up as very “us vs. them” while you were basically the only one on your side that was smart enough/well-connected enough to communicate with both sides and discuss the game regardless of how you’d actually end up voting. I personally find the contribution to setting up the game as “us vs. them” to be very… bland, basic, and elementary. I believe it lacks complexities and often results in people not enjoying the outcome of the season (see: Adversaries). I want you to either convince me that having the game set up as “us vs. them” is actually rather complex and dynamic, OR agree with my analysis here and simply clarify that you understood that that would result in getting you to the end/getting you the win. 2 — Right before F5 tribal council, you said you felt like Scott and Allison played just as good as you, but their games weren’t as visible. I commented that that’s a nice tactic to get people to actually feel comfortable w/ working w/ you/leaving you in regardless of potential jurors literally saying you were going to win. You denied and said that that wasn’t a tactic and you genuinely felt that way. My question for you is: if you genuinely feel like Scott and Allison played even remotely close to as well you, then I’ll give my jury vote to Scott. If that’s not the case, then argue to me how you played far better than Scott/Allison, and admit that what you said was, at least to some degree, a tactic to make them feel more comfortable w/ leaving you in the game. 3 — What are three (3) of my favorite movies, and if you had to choose between Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Gosling, who would you choose? Base that decision on whatever you want.

For Scott: At the tribal council I blew up, I said I felt like you’re very disingenuous and merely pretend to care about people and the things they have to say. Others have called you fake and said that you have a condescending personality. At any rate, after my blow up, I apologized to you because I felt like that was an attack on your character. I left it at that. Anything else that I said about you that was negative, as far as I recall, was based on the game and my perception of you as a player. In your rites of passage, you said something along the lines of “however, I appreciate that you were less annoying in this game than in Maluku” which really struck me, because that's certainly something that you would’ve never directly said to me while I was in the game, i.e. in a confrontational setting. I apologized to you for my remarks that were more personal, and then you turn around and make comments about me that aren’t necessarily game related. Obviously, I’m not voting for you unless Jessy bombs my questions, but I would like for you to comment on all of this and show me the kind of person you really are. If you decide not to respond simply because I’m not giving you my vote, then that only reaffirms to me my perception of you as a person, which is in fact disingenuous, fake, and condescending.

Hi MJ! Thanks for your thoughts and questions. I’ve taken them all in and came up with this response.

Firstly, I agree that an “us vs. them” game is very bland. I believed that if I went along with this concept of a game I’d have a very high chance of getting to Final Tribal Council. I was able to have allies that would have to keep me in since the other side of the game had a lot of threats that could downplay their chances of getting to Final Tribal Council. It allowed me to vote Connor out and still be able to stay the following Tribal Council as Allison still had to vote you or Connah out. It ensured myself a viable route to Final Tribal Council. I deeply understand where you’re coming from in this because I’ve watched Big Brother seasons where the “us vs. them” game would be very boring and I’d lose interest. Even though this is true, I didn’t come here to be entertaining, I came to do what I haven’t done before in Tumblr Survivor, and that’s win. This tactic proved to be the most successful.

Secondly, I do believe I played far better than Allison and Scott. Throughout this season, I tried to make good relationships with players even if they weren’t on my side of the game. I think Allison and Scott had difficulties in doing this, which was a huge cutback in their games. I analyzed every route I could take and made sure I was making the best decision I could make. My social game was on point with all of the players in the Final 7 and it gave me an edge on my allies. I did this by making sure I had open communication with everyone so nobody was secluded by myself. I admit what I said at Final 5 Tribal Council was a tactic as I do not think they played as great as me, and since they were under fire for keeping me in the game, I wanted to let them know that they still had a great chance at winning the game.

Finally, about your favorite movies! I actually didn’t have to ctrl+F in our conversation to answer this. Your favorite film is The Place Beyond the Pines, your favorite movie that you could watch over and over again is Back to the Future and your favorite sad movie is Brokeback Mountain. I’d also choose Jake Gyllenhaal over Ryan Gosling because I googled them both and Jake Gyllenhaal is hotter, even though his last name is hard to type.

I’d like to clarify something – I didn’t work with Lydia or Sam because I couldn’t click with Lydia and I was getting information from Scott that Lydia was throwing myself and Andrew out as possible vote-offs if we lost an Immunity Challenge. I didn’t work with Sam because Connah told her that I threw her name out. I also knew that you and Connah set up precautions with her so if I tried to talk to her about your or Connah’s game, there was a high chance it could get back to you or Connah. I decided to not take this chance because it was too risky and I was playing for a solid route to Final Tribal Council.

Thanks for your thoughts and questions MJ!

I mean, tbh the whole “however, I appreciate that you were less annoying in this game than in Maluku” was meant to be a joke since there were so many times in Maluku when you drove my crazy with your antics and this time around I saw a different side of you as a player. Like this time you didn't openly outburst and reveal who was in the minority of your alliance once one of your close allies (Jessie) was voted out on the other tribe. If you didn't get my message with that, then I apologize that it came across as personal and that it offended you.

To be completely honest, if this was 3 years ago I would have cared about what you thought of me? Now, if you wanna sit here and say I'm a disingenuous, fake, and condescending, I couldn't care less about what you think. Im not gonna sit here and say "no, I'm not that person" cause at the end of the day it's your opinion. I know a lot of what I have done in this game portrays me as that, and the fact that I straight up lied to multiple people on group calls doesn't help me with that either. I'm not gonna argue that with you and say I was truthful cause I've lied to almost everyone in this game more than once. However, I don't really think you have any right to say things about me as a person when you literally took no effort to cultivate a personal relationship with me.

For literally any game, I can't just willingly trust people before entering alliances. I have to actually take the time to get to know people and build a relationship before I can establish trust with anyone. This being an all returnee season, and me knowing people beforehand doesn't excuse that. I tried reaching out to you multiple times to try and establish trust because Sam/Lydia wanted to work with you, and every time I did you would shut me out when it came to anything and half-ass all conversations. You never seemed like you wanted to talk to me, so with that plus hearing you were openly targeting me, I didn't feel the need to really try with you anymore.

So if you think I'm an overall condescending and fake person, that's good for you. If everyone else here thinks that too, then good for them. I'm basically just telling you I really don't care about your opinion or anyone else's opinion of me as a person.

#torchsnuffers #finaltribal

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survivorindia · 8 years ago

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Whatever Forever- jaiden (Episode 3)

Anyway!!!!!!!! I just got elimed and whew I'm just feeling so many emotions. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown the immunity to save lexi, maybe I should've kept ace over Ashley,maybe I never really had a chance in this game in the first place. Overall? I just feel bad for promising lexi that I'd help keep her in the game and then immediately flopping, and for Kendall, leaving my one tru ally by herself, I hope the swap goes in her favour and that both of them can vote out the rest of the returnee heroes, some revenge is always nice TBH. Ashley, gav and Alex, I really did trust two of you and I was gonna stay loyal so it sucks that y'all flipped so easily, of course the fact that Ashley had an idol probably wasn't the best thing, but we could've figured something out. I hope the three of you get elimed soon or at least prejury bc you know the great dan whatever his last name is said flippers never win and well it's no fun seeing snakes get far either TBH ! And I know y'all won't be reading this til later but good luck newbies I hope y'all truly slay this game bc really some of these returnees I would really rather see get elimed except maybe Kendall and Jordan pines. This has been a fun game for the most part, the challenges were great, the hosts were greater (even David Robb) and I met some good people in my short stay here! Do I have some regrets? Yeah but I wouldn't have wanted to play this game any other way. Keep an eye out for me in the returnee season :~) single digits I'm still coming for ya!

So not much has happened this round. We won, yet again. And my #1 ally out of everyone in this game, my good friend Monte, was sadly voted out. But best believe I'm gonna win this game for him!

What in the heckie is Nicole doing?

What the FUCK? These people need to CHILL out. It's our fault - we made the mistake, the hosts don't have to babysit us every step of the way. Now we gotta own it and win this tiebreaker - honestly, Danny g'luck (I WAS FORCED TO MAKE THIS S/O) to these people, because they are getting on my nerves with their complaining rn.

We keep winning. I love that. But Jordan Pines might wanna blindside me... so to that I say:

Am I exaggerating? A little bit. I think. I don't know. I'm being weird and emotional so idk what the fuck I'm actually thinking... I hope I get voted out next at this point yay

Okay, everyone listening? Two common misconceptions about pegging: If a man likes pegging, he must be gay. If you peg a straight man, he will become gay. Cue Laughter and Eye Roll - Both of these are so ridiculous as to be laughable on so many levels. Gender preference has nothing to do with the sex toys you like to play with...or the area of your body you like your partner to play with. For those of you who have fears around this - please excuse the laughter...though I do find the concept quite humorous. Think of it this way...If a straight man enjoys getting pegged by a woman there is no reason whatsoever to think that all of a sudden he will crave sex with men. Just like if a straight woman enjoys receiving oral sex from a man there is no reason whatsoever to think that she will suddenly want to be a lesbian. See how silly that sounds? (Now if the man is bisexual, just ignore all this and go to the next blog post because he prefers both genders so these points are moot.) A man who wants his ass fucked is gay, you say? Bullshit. (I seem to be in a sassy mood tonight.) Remember, the male ass is the source of an amazing amount of pleasure via the prostate gland. Whether a man experiences that pleasure from his lady's finger(s), his own finger(s), a toy (there are so many), his lady’s strap-on, a butt plug, his partner's finger(s) or his partner's cock makes no difference. All of the above are simply various examples of the pursuit of pleasurable sensations from an ass. Many really nice toys are specifically made for anal pleasure! That should give you a bit of pause. Maybe the people buying these items know something....just like the 150 - 200 million gay men in the world. But wait - I'm probably confusing you... Unexplored Ecstasy - The point here is that anal exploration is about pleasure, not an indicator of gender preference. What I find a shame is that so many straight men will not indulge in that pleasure because of these misconceptions along with the bullshit social stigma attached to it. Maybe it's just me (standing here ready with my strap-on), but that sounds like a lot of pleasure being abstained from...and oh my the word abstinence in any form is not a popular one amongst the pleasure seekers that have found their way to Pegging Paradise! I am certain there are men out there who secretly would love to have their ass teased with...well, a variety of things. These men hesitate to ask for it because they fear their partner's reaction to their request or the reaction of others if they found out. All of this is fed by the original misconceptions as well as a puerile dose of idiotic homophobia. Get over it, people! I know...easier for me to say here in Southern California when some of you might be in conservative strait-laced sex-negative hell somewhere. But hey - we need to start somewhere, right? Are you going to let other people's narrow-minded attitudes affect your pursuit of pleasure in the privacy of your own bedroom (hotel room, board room, etc)? I think not. No Fear - So Ladies, I urge you to get over your own fears that if you fuck your man in the ass with a strap-on dildo the gay fairy will instantly appear and sprinkle him with magic gay dust and you will lose him forever to his own gender. Okay? If you can't let go of that fear, you have no business strapping on a dildo. I mean really...are you going to follow him around after you fuck him and be suspicious of all of his encounters with males? Let it go, ladies. And when you get your man where you want him and you have your way with him...don't kiss and tell. Especially if you live in one of those strait-laced sex-negative hell places I spoke of previously. Instead, treasure the vulnerability your man has shared with you and let him know that come hell or high water or nosy girlfriends, he can trust you to keep that part of your sex life confidential. Pleasure Seeking - Gentlemen, the other part of the formula here is you. If you are clear about which gender you prefer, that's your stable base. Do your best to let go of any homophobic comments you have heard, read or even, heaven forbid, said. Your anus is a part of your body that, when properly stimulated, offers a whole new world of pleasure. Orgasms with anal stimulation are most times much more intense and produce much more cum (that's always fun). Given just that, why wouldn't you want to at least check it out? If you love it, all that means is that you love getting fucked with a strap-on by the woman who makes you hot. There is no "Insta-gay" phenomenon that happens if your lady pegs you. As one man put it: I like breasts with my strap-on, thank you! Pegger/Peggee - Wouldn't it be awesome if people who were into pegging walked around in T-Shirts that said, simply, "Pegger" or "Peggee"? I mean - relatively few people who are not kink-oriented know the sexual meaning of the word so lovingly created by Dan Savage. So the masses of people leading lives of quiet desperation (read: sex-negative) wouldn't have a clue what it meant. And if asked, one could always say with a smile, "Look it up on Wikipedia". Just make sure it's a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile as you say the words and they just might look it up. Presto, you have just spread the word about a luscious, sexy, pleasure-filled act that couples can add to their carnal repertoire. You may have changed their lives forever...in a rather explosive way.

AHAHAHAHAHA @GAVIN

THOSE BOYS WANT TRIBAL TN BECAUSE WE LOST IMMUNITY AND IM SO FUCKING NERVOUS I DONT WANT TO DIE I HAVE SO MANY PLANS IF JORDAN SACRIFICE ME FOR NICOLE OKOKOKOK

So... mission successful. Let's quickly debrief: 1. Ashley trusts me a lot more after I told her details that Alex told me in private. Making Ashley feel like she was on shaky ground further resulted in her letting me know that she has an idol. Whether or not it is true is besides the point... the true crux of the matter is that I have Ashley left in the game with three people she can't trust and me... so that means I ought to be her #1. 2. Alex and I are as tight as ever. Even despite giving Ashley information, I was able to quickly fix that bond. I genuinely like and trust Alex, but I can't let the cloud my judgement. He's very close to Kendall, which scares me, but I have looked to leverage that in our post-tribal call. In my conversations with Alex, I want to make him feel like he is calling the shots while still looking to provide input. Thus far, I think I have done that. With Ashley allegedly having the idol (information that was supposed to be "kept secret" but was totally not "kept secret" xD), I have talked to Alex extensively about the next vote and I've made a deal with him to take out Karen rather than Kendall... while also *hopefully* keeping Ashley's idol in play. My goal here is to come out of this with both Ashley and Alex working independently, but all in all, nonetheless in my best interests. In short, the way this tribe seems to be shaking out is that there is this façade of autonomy and power that Karen and Kendall have. They have this illusion that they call the shots, while it really is Alex and I that hold the cards in this dynamic. Kendall, to get Alex completely on my side... I need to spare you to gain his trust, BUT MARK MY WORDS I'M GOING FOR YOU! *Nothing against you, just your social game is very very strong but annoyingly obvious too ;3* Oh. And Ace got voted out too... I guess.

I never really made an opening confessional, so here I go I guess? I am really... really excited to be back. It's so easy for so many people to say "Oh yeah I've played a ton, people want me back." We see it with a ton of people, and that's not a bad thing. People want to see them back for a big reason. But I never had that. Coming off of Malaysia I was hated and people did not really respect me for who I was and thought that I was some awful person and player. It definitely hit me hard a bit, but at the time I was like, okay that's fine, there's other seasons. Tumblr does a lot. And so I applied. I applied for Sri Lanka with Marie and didn't make it. I applied for Rebels vs Rogues and didn't make it. I applied for Bora Bora and didn't make it. I believe I applied for Generations and wasn't casted, or I didn't believe I was going to have time due to time conflicts. I wasn't contacted for Maldives. I missed the application for Tenochtitlan. I applied for Sicily and didn't make it. I believe I applied for Bangladesh and didn't make it. I wasn't contacted for Arabia (though there may have been apps and I missed it). I wasn't contacted for Myanmar. And I was super excited to finally get this chance to play in Lazio but I missed the acceptance of my application. And going back to all the times I had tried to play or just was kind of ignored it was rough. I kind of thought I was done. And now I'm here playing in India. After over a year on and off of trying to play this game again. And to be honest, I'm hella pumped. Because I've missed out on so many chances to play. I think it says something when even parts of my Malaysia cast aren't even excited to see me on the season. This is kind of my opportunity to prove people wrong. My personality showed even at this Tribal where I literally told Gavin his answer to the Tribal Question was awful and completely wrecked Ace after he wished us a heartfelt goodbye. I want people to know that I am playing as hard as I can. I'm not here to change who I am to impress people. I'm here to show who I am so that I can prove to people that I'm not some worthless player who doesn't deserve to be back; I definitely feel like some people think that is the truth. I'm going to prove people wrong. Count on it.

I know I said I wanted to be a villain but goddamn, this is pretty fucked up. Oh right context because mind reading technology hasn't been invented quite yet. To make a long story short, Karen made an alliance chat with our victim (Ashley) and now it has a name and now it is terrible. Alex brings up voting Karen and that raisin I call a heart was all like "YAAASS QUEEN!" And my brain was tempted by the #bigmove but getting rid of Karen... is truthfully not to my benefit. Sure Karen is manipulative but she seems to trust me. She confides in me with information and she includes me in all her fucked up little schemes. In a sense, I'm the Trish to her Tony. If Trish and Tony were two gay and emotionally stunted children of course. Plus she has the connections to the other side that could get us far into the game and I am confident enough in our friendship that she will stay by my side. Of course, I will remain wary of her but for now I think our relationship is mutually beneficial. Karen needs me for back up in her schemes. I need Karen to get where I want to get. She gives me information. Information I can collect in to a giant web of evidence, so when the day comes when I turn on her, I'll have the evidence via receipts to back me up. Karen never deletes anything, I am planning on using that to my advantage.

So I was reallllyyyyyy close to using my idol tonight, and I totally would have wasted it if I had. Gavin advised me that I would be okay, and so did Alex and Kendall but like something didn't feel right. I had heard that Ace heard my name from Karen and I was like well shit. She had literally just today come to me and told me that we were all good and that she didn't hold the last game we played together against me. Like there are no hard feelings. but due to everything that was happening I kind of doubted that. But tbh I love Gavin and Alex and really hope we can work together for the next few rounds. Or even longer, who knows. I still am unsure about Karen and Kendall, as I don't really know them that well. But hopefully everything works out.

Oh I also definitely told Gavin I have an idol.... idiot move? We shall see.

I am so glad we won immunity. It for sure would have been me or Lexi next if we had gone to tribal. It looks like Johnny and Whitney aren't too upset that I didn't vote with them but I can't take my chances. I had been searching for the idol for a while with no luck so I asked Lexi to help me find it. She found it within a few hours lol. We didn't find the idol but we found the idol grid. It's relieving to know it couldn't have been found right away. This gives me and her time to find it. Hopefully we'll get it before anyone else and we'll be set for the rest of the time on this tribe. I doubt anyone else on our tribe has found the idol page or would suspect that we found it. I'm thinking long term so the game plan would be using the idol on lexi and getting rid of Liam. If we happen to go to a tribal council after that we could try to get Whitney or Johnny to flip to our side. Even if they don't want to we can always force a tie so Lexi and I still have a strong chance of succeeding. We just have to find that idol!

This has been a crazy round. I'm glad the immunity challenge was changed to something that required more skill. The tribe worked very well as a team. There's an obvious divide between us so I'm glad we were able to get some time to bond and unite. As for the results, it was upsetting that the returnee heroes made such a big deal out of not getting theirs in on time. The rules clearly stated it was first to 10 pm. I'm sure we would've accepted defeat if we didn't send it faster than them. It was bad sportsmanship on their part. The tiebreaker was so stressful. I stepped up and I was so afraid of letting the team down. I knew if we went to tribal my only ally left, Lexi, would be voted off. There was a lot of pressure on me and I was honestly so anxious. I felt so victorious beating Kendall by 7 minutes. I hope my tribemates remember this next time we go to tribal and don't vote me out. I feel like I've done a lot for our tribe so I think I'm safe for now. I'm really hoping the tribe swap comes within the next two rounds. We can only win so many immunities and Lexi and I are on the bottom so we really need it asap.

#youdontgetmycrownjustcause

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