#tbh i think those are the only tags for dis one

[milli-moi]

So I made some thoughts into a thing. These are somewhat explicit things. So I’ll put them under the cut so people don’t have to read them if they don’t want to.

Anyway, I was writing something and I ended up thinking about my headcanons that I’ve developed for Agatha and Rio in the time I’ve written them. Specifically their sex lives. This is probably an even bigger thing because of the way these two are being written in fanfic.

I’m not saying it’s wrong or bad or anything like that but I feel like 80% at least of the fanfic written about their sexual relationship involves penetration with toys/magical changes. This alone is not indicative of the average wlw couple, and I get the sense that specific roles are also not as common as fanfic has us believe. I know people have said that this could well be because a lot of people don’t have experience with what they are writing (don’t get me wrong, I don’t think you need an experience to be able to write it- I’ve written many m/f scenes and I’ve got zero experience there)

Basically, what I’m getting to is that my headcanons for the couple don’t follow the same views as a lot of those ive seen and read. I

I headcanon Agatha as like 100% gay (well probably more like 97% but it’s the same idea) and honestly it means a huge amount to me personally to have a gay female character who is somewhat feminine (again I know a lot of people love the idea of a very butch Agatha but the costume designer actually said he dressed her as in the middle, with both masc and fem elements) and who wanted to be a mum and who was (based on the outcomes not the way they were achieved) a good mum. I like the fact I can imagine if Nicky hadn’t died that her and Rio could have been ultra happy with a little brood of demon-spawn. It’s not often we see gay women in media who have any form of soft and maternal, or that are gay to the point male body parts put them off.

So, although this list is about Rio, it’s probably important you know where I am coming at this from before I break it down. I will likely do a matching list for Agatha and hopefully be able to link it here once I have done.

Really happy to have conversations with people about this list, and if it inspires you in any way I’d love you to use it (and would love to be tagged, not for credit but so I can see what you’ve created lol)

Anyway, the list:

- Rio had experience of lust before Agatha. She possibly had even had sex before Agatha but she hadn’t experienced attraction or arousal in the way that they related to one person.

- She was incredibly fascinated by how pleasure worked, how it could feel for other people. To the point she once made Agatha touch herself so she could sit at eye level and study what she did and how her body responded to it.

- She has an oral fixation. We all know that. BUT it has its uses, it means that Rio wanted to try putting anything in/on her mouth that she could. They only discovered oral sex was a thing because of this desire (1700s, you had to work it out on your own more or less and it’s not the first place I would think to put my mouth tbh..)

- That same fixation threw her off guard when Agatha began to lactate. She didn’t like how much she wanted to taste her wife’s milk but was surprised to be encouraged by Agatha.

- She went through a ‘teenage stage’ in which she struggled to keep her hands to herself after she first experienced sex with Agatha. Agatha found it somewhat cute but would never admit that.

- She is able to alter her appearance and has often wondered what it would be like to create a penis for herself and feel the difference but Agatha finds the whole idea off-putting. She’s not into penis-shaped things at all.

- Rio loves the taste of Agatha (something often talked about in the adult rated world but something that not many people feel in reality) she has a different palate than humans, enjoying the taste of almost all natural things regardless of whether they are meant to be ingested. The first time she went down on Agatha she had to be pushed away, reluctant to stop when it became too much.

- Rio has not had sex with anyone since Agatha. The last time being around 1790, a hate- filled moment of weakness before Agatha gained the darkhold. As a result of this she had some darkish thoughts about seducing Agnes in the hex just to get the chance to be with her again. She didn’t, it would have been wrong and felt worse afterwards.

- She bites. She had to learn how hard was too hard, almost biting off one of Agatha’s nipples the first time they slept together. Agatha has a scar on the inside of her thigh and one on her left shoulder from the times when Rio was still learning.

- Rio has a love-hate relationship with modern clothing. She loves how it is now acceptable to not only show cleavage blatantly but also to wear trousers that line the shape of the hips and thighs. She likes that jeans mean she can have a good look at Agatha’s ass and it not be obvious or inappropriate. She wishes they would go back to real corsets, the fashion she never really got to see Agatha in, and she knows the effects they had on cleavage. She knows she missed out. Underwear is something she hates, almost as much as she misses long skirts. The two go hand in hand, the lack of underwear and the long skirt being what made it possible for her to take Agatha against a tree or two in the old forests without giving too much to anyone that might happen to see them.

- She wishes she had more time to explore a truly invincible Agatha. She wonders if the corruption of the darkhold would also have enhanced Agatha’s own carnal needs. She wonders how hard she could have pushed her.

[rikublivion]

Dysphania Militaris—more commonly known as the 'False Tiger Moth'—is often mistaken for a butterfly due to its bright colours.

[lewisvinga]

mayores | lewis hamilton x fem! singer! reader

summary; in which y/n’s newest single revealed something new about her

fc; becky g

warning; age gap, mentions of sexual acts

notes; this song is so🙏🙏good i’ve been obsessed ever since it came out , in one of the tweets i meant to type benito but there’s a typo so oopsies 😔😔😔

masterlist !

liked by lewishamilton, lilymhe, and 1,927,039 others!

yourusername: MAYORES. officially out now.

tagged; badbunnypr

username: SONG OF THE YEARRR

username: ate omg

username: on repeat😫

username: who dis about

badbunnypr: por fin😎 [finally]

yourusername: jejeje [hehehe]

username: lewis hamilton in her likes??

username: like xnda and y/n collab when?

nattinatasha: a ti te gustan mayores? 🤔 [do you like them older?]

yourusername: maybe….🤭🤭

username: mother is mothering

username: someone finally put my thoughts into a song thank u madre y/n🙏🙏

liked by yourusername, georgerussell63, and 2,038,269 others!

lewishamilton: (re)start

username: is this a??? soft launch?????

username: the first picture…. wow

username: going feral

username: am i tripping or does that look like y/n????

username: nah ur delusional 😭

username: i’ve been a y/n fan since her shower days, that’s definitely her ☝️☝️

username: i am just a girl omg

username: 😍😍🥵🫠🤤🤤🫨

username: alexa play mayores by y/n l/n

liked by lewishamilton, carmenmmundt, and 1,829,937 others!

yourusername: a little (re)charge after working on mayores, thank u all for the love you’ve been giving me🥹💗💗

carmenmmundt: how have you been liking those face masks i sent😫

yourusername: ugh i adore, we’ve been using them every night 😁💓💓

carmenmmundt: glad you both enjoyed 😉

username: WE???

username: BOTH???

username: my lewy/n heart says they’re together idc

username: he’s only ever liked her posts

username: yeah but in her song mayores she said she likes sirs,,, sir lewis hamilton is way older than her too

username: IS THAT ROSCOE???

username: omg roscoe

username: an actual angel tbh

liked by lewishamilton, georgerussell63, and 2,012,732 others!

yourusername: a mi me gustan mayores. [i like them older]

tagged; lewishamilton

lewishamilton: and i just like you

yourusername: 🤍🤍

georgerussell63: can’t look at lewis in the eyes anymore after translating ur song

yourusername: oopsies 😁

username: OMG THIS IS NOT A DRILL

username: ur telling me mayores was about sir lewis hamilton????

yourusername: maybe 🤭

username: my lewy/n heart WAS RIGHT

username: oh she won in life

username: she?? if anything HE won in life

username: my bi ass is screaming rn

username: not lewis driving y/n around even if he hates driving 😭😭

yourusername: he loves me more than he hates driving 😁

lilymhe: can he— can lewis fight?🤨🤨

lewishamilton: i like to think i am a peaceful man

alex_albon: lily u can’t fight anyone

yourusername: bae👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

[growling]

*average self-proclaimed safe space tumblr blog voice* I soooooo support people with schizophrenia that must be so hard to you anyway I just saw some weird looking woman talking to herself right outside my house im fearing for my life should I call the cops. Yeah dude I support all the adhd havers in the chat just try to pay attention when I talk to you it's not that hard it's like the least you could do to show some regard for the other human being in front of you. Like it's fine to have memory problems but why did you forget this one thing in particular that was important to me do you like not care or anything you should try harder. I am one of the only real mental health advocates to still exist in this world I hear your struggles that being said I hope I never get to meet one of those irl sociopaths or people with aspd whatever they call them now they're so freaky and they can blend into society so well you might never know if you're actually face to face with an actual socio i mean person with aspd in the store absolutely one of my biggest fears what if they torture me in their basement. I absolutely empathize with all the people in here suffering from delusions as long as they like, don't actually show it or have one concerning me that'd be highkey uncomfy leave me out of this dude im not talking to you until you get help, anyway my fav character from my anime just presumably died but i still think they actually survived im sooo delulu lol. We should push for more wheelchair accessibility in our cities I agree but like it's so difficult to tell how many people are actually disabled and who are actually faking it, like, ummm why did that "wheelchair" "user" guy stand up just now cover blown lmaoo…. Yeah I support people with facial differences but I still have a right to be disgusted you can't control my emotions anyway can you tag your selfies as #body horror this deeply triggering to me. Speaking of triggering can you also pleaseee hide your scars or at least warn us beforehand jesus do you know how many people genuinely do not want to see it. Here is my extremely fast strobing lights and flashing gifset #epilepsy. Yeah I loveee girls with bpd beautiful princess disorder am i right they're so interesting the stigma sucksssss i'd love to get to be one's favourite person as long as they don't actually have any of those weird or violent symptoms or don't go into any of their "episodes" near me like that's a bit dramatic….. I deeply feel for those who had underwent narcissistic abuse from the hands of an npd I think my shitty ex boyfriend was a narcissist too tbh #surviving narcissism here are 10 signs you are dealing with a narcissist and here's a tutorial on how to trigger a narc crash to epically own them anyway does anyone else think we should start enforcing mandatory castration of all the newly diagnosed narcs like you know what happens when they reproduce right. But I am willing to support them as long as they go to therapy to get that fixed it's just you know. Anyway sometimes hospitalisation is fine if they're genuinely a danger to themselves like what do you want them to go live on the streets or actually get help?? I support all the people dealing with being a professionally diagnosed disordered system and I think it's sooooo terrible how literally 99% of the youth population nowadays is purposefully faking it for attention I did my research (1 minute google search, 2 minute r/fakedisordercringe scrolling session and consulting a single system that agrees with me). It's just not believable to me that there's really that many people with it isn't it supposed to be rare… Also are we really sure all those alleged people in their heads are really real or just their imagination maybe all of them are actually faking it huh food for thought. I am very uncomfortable with nonverbal high support needs ppl actually having sex like consent is supposed to be explicitly verbal only and, are we really sure they can even consent arent they like basically children. You can't call me ableist I'm literally autistic

[rainyorca]

Can I request Scott summers x reader where he realizes his feelings for the reader, but has difficulty expressing his fellings, so thing start to get awkward, but the reader catches on.

Thank you so much for requesting! I would like to say since this is the first actual request I've made, that these will usually be around 1k-2k words unless I really get into it. Anyways I hope you enjoy Anon :)

Cw: gn!reader (however I do use she/her pronouns at one point but the reader is still gn!), fluff (?), mentions of blood, implied first love,  i have nothing else to tag tbh!

When you first came to the X-mansion, Scott didn't really think much of it. By no means were you unimportant to him, every mutant who joins the X-mansion is respectfully greeted by him and considered an important part of his life. An important piece at least. 

You didn't talk much but you didn't not talk, you were very vocal about things during meetings. If there was something you believed needed to be addressed, you would say it. If you had input on something he had said, he would allow you room to speak, or you would just interrupt him. 

Now Scott didn't talk to you much, not as much as he did with Jean or Logan, but he always had an eye on you. You two would exchange smiles or nods whenever you saw each other in the hallway. When Scott couldn't sleep sometimes he would find you in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal, specifically his cereal. 

The first time it happened he was a little stunned to see you. He switched on the light, pausing in the doorway when he saw you at the table. You look up at him mid spoonful, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. 

He remembers all the other times too, soon it became sort of a routine. If he didnt see you at all during the day, at least he would see you during the night. Your mutation did not require you to be nocturnal, it just appears like it was more of a side effect, like how he’s sensitive to light. 

“What's your mutation like?” he asked one night, sitting across from you at the table, “I mean from your point of view.” 

You look up from your phone, staring at him while you think. “It's ... .interesting,” you start slowly, looking down at the table, “actually very similar to those possession scenes you see in horror movies.” 

“How similar exactly?” he raises a brow, you can faintly see his eyes behind those ruby shades. “Well not only am I physically inside their body but mentally too,” you continue, “I don't just control their body, I control their thoughts, I basically become the person. ” 

He goes quiet, staring at you as if he's trying to study you. You sit back in your chair, staring up at the ceiling. “But it's different,” you hum, lightly tossing your phone on the table, “I’ve been inside so many people, I’ve felt what it was like to be them. I could feel their heartbeat over mine, their breath. I could hear their thoughts.”

“It's not really mind reading like Jean or Charles can do,” you press your lips into a thin line, like you were competeplating what you were about to say, “I am their mind, it's like I’ve lived through their memories. And those who have died, I see everything up until their final thought. I can feel their pain, their sorrow, their happiness.” 

He listens closely, sensing a particular emotion from you. He listens too well in your opinion. “I keep their mind and soul intact, most of the time they dont even know I'm in their body, that's why they can't fight back. They believe everything that I'm doing, they’re doing,” you tilt your head down to look at him, he's leaned in, elbows pressing on the table, “if that makes any sense.”

“I’d love to get a look inside your head,” you say in an almost joking tone, “not in a weird, sadistic way. I'm just curious. I never know what you're thinking with those glasses shielding your eyes.”

He learned something about you that day. Maybe multiple things, but one thing for certain. You were incredibly sympathetic. It is your mutation keeping you up, the thoughts of the hundreds of people you’ve been in keep you up at night. Even when you leave their bodies, you remember everything, every feeling, every thought, everything. 

Scott also realized something about himself, however he didn't believe it at first. He was in love with you, and he has been. All these late nights meeting up in the kitchen, practicing in the danger room with him on some early mornings, even going on walks when you two had nothing to do. Your relationship had shifted from coworkers to friends, sooner or later lovers to family, if he was hopeful. 

He started simple. Inviting you to do more early morning runs and late night walks. You thought nothing of it, just normal friendly things. He continued on this routine with you for the next few months, and as time went on, he kept trying to make a move.

You never caught on, not yet at least. But Scott’s terrible attempts at expressing himself were proven to make things awkward between you two. It was difficult for him, something about you made him nervous. He would try things like complimenting you and it never seemed to work, in his eyes at least. You would thank him and that's that. Nothing more, nothing less. 

He started offering to go on solo missions with you just in case you needed a hand, but in reality he just wanted to spend more time with you. Logan called him a pussy for not at least giving you a hint, but in Scott’s eyes, a hint is a lot different than it would be from Logan. 

Logan would be straightforward with you, no bullshit. Tell you how he really feels, maybe only a month after figuring out his feelings. Scott didn't know how to tell you or when to tell you. Sometimes he's even unsure if he should tell you. But if he kept quiet it would eat him away from the inside. 

You were like the teenage crush in a cliche movie, where the male lead is too afraid to say anything to the girl, and then later in life he would talk about her like she was more important than his own wife. It was a first love kinda situation, he was afraid if you two never got together, he would be thinking about you even after he was married to someone else. 

So you can imagine how thankful but also slightly afraid he was when you caught on. It was after a mission, Scott had covered you, more like shielded you with his body, from an attack. The specific mutant you were dealing with had the power similar to a porcupine, except the quills weren't really quills, they were heavy but thin hardened pieces of the man's skin. They could do a lot of damage if used correctly, thankfully only Scott’s back took most of the heat. 

Later that night you sat with him in his room, pulling out the quills one by one with tweezers. The blood that poured down his back dripped onto his sheets, which you quickly covered with a towel to prevent any more stains. 

“Do you like throwing yourself into danger or something?” you ask, quickly pulling out another quill, “it seems like every time you come with me you're always getting injured.” 

“Just protecting my teammate,” he replies, his face barely visible to you. You wipe the blood with the rag and then place it back on the towel. “And you do this for every teammate? It seems like you only wanna tag along on my solo missions,” you furrow your brows, “you never go with Logan on any of his or Storm.” 

“Those are two very different people,” he points out, turning his head slightly to look at you, “they’re both pretty good at handling themselves.” The second he gets that last word out he knows he made a mistake and he can feel you pause. There's a buzz in the air, the tension slowly building out of nowhere. 

“You think I can't handle myself?”

He defends, “I never said that.”

You yank out the last quill exceptionally hard, earning a flinch from him before you get off the bed and stand in front of him. “You did say it, just not directly,” you narrowed your eyes at him, tone lowering, “is that really the reason you come with me? Because you think I’m going to get myself hurt? Or is it something else you're not telling me?”

He goes silent, brown eyes staring at you like a lost puppy behind those ruby glasses. He’s completely frozen between telling you the truth or half of the truth. Whatever it is he feels like he can't lie to you, what are the chances you possess him and do get to look inside his brain? All the things he's thought about you would surely reach you and your reaction, well, he wasn't sure of that yet. 

“Are you just going to stare at me?” you push, cocking your head at him.

“It's not that,” he starts slowly, standing up, “I think you handle yourself very well, you’ve shown countless times that you can take care of yourself. I just like to offer help, I'm the leader, that's what I should do, help my team.” 

“But you only go with me, Scott,” you continue, “never anyone else, just me.”

He goes quiet again, you can practically see the gears turning in his head to try and defend himself. “What's the real reason?” you ask after a moment, stepping a little closer to him, “because i'm starting to think it's not that you don't think i can handle myself.” 

“Because I want to,” he responds, tone a little firmer than before, “I want to go with you on your missions, I want to be there if you need help, I want to keep you safe.”

You stare at him, letting his words process in your head, and then it almost strikes you like a train. He didn't just help you because he thinks it's his job. He helps you because he wants to, he wants to spend time with you, keep you safe, as he just mentioned.  

The sudden replay of everything he's ever said to you, done with you, flickers through your mind. And now you can't help but shake your head with a quiet chuckle. “Are��are you in love with me Scott?” you ask slowly, tilting your head at him.

He doesn't say a word, instead he just stares. The immediate reaction was your answer, was your yes. To your surprise he doesn't deny anything, instead he accepts the truth with poise. 

“Is that the truth you believe?” he asks, almost inviting. You follow his silence, keeping your mouth shut as you think of what to say or how to feel. In truth, you were complexed, you have been pressing down your feelings for Scott since when you first got here, afraid you would ruin the work relationship or family dynamic of the team. But to hear him almost admit it so freely, after months of compliments, acts of service, and silent yet loving stares, maybe it wouldn't ruin anything. 

“You can look inside me,” he offers, holding his hands out for you to grab, “look inside my head, see how much I love you.” 

“No, I don't need to be inside you to tell,” you respond, grabbing his hands, “you can show me.” 

You wish you could see his eyes, but you can only imagine how they look right now. He hesitantly reaches up to cup your face, which you accept graciously, holding his hand in place. You step closer to him, feeling the heat radiating off his body. He leans in, pressing his lips into yours. It's passionate, sweet like honey, everything he's ever wanted. The only thing running through his mind right now was you, and the idea of rubbing it in Logan's face that he was in fact not a pussy. 

[pumpkinsy0]

Seasonal depression Pony hcs with Darry trying to navigate how to help him?? I have a hc that pony has been dealing with seasonal depression even before his parents died and they always seemed to know exactly the right thing to do while Darry just stuck to being the fun older brother letting Pony tag along with his friends to try and cheer him up BUT now Darry can't really do that (cause... y'know 💀) so he's having a hard time figuring out how to help pony

tbh all these mfs got grounds to have seasonal depression at least one of the gang is always depressed each month, its like a torch they pass around

•before their parents died, darry rlly wasnt THAT proactive in helping him w it. not bc he didnt care but bc he didnt know how to care for him, he would ofc help when he could but ultimately he mostly left it up to soda and his parents to help, which they did

•after their parents died ponys seasonal depression genuinely slipped his mind, he just had a lot going on, so when pony started acting “weird” he remembered it and even then he didnt know how to react to it, he wouldnt b as hard on pony as he normally was but thats just about it, even then he was kinda leaving it up to others (namely soda and johnny) to help w that

•now AFTER johnny died, i feel like we can make the argument that pony has 2 points of seasonal depression, the month all that bs went down and whatever month u hc’d him to already have seasonal depression in, and darry COULDNT just push that to the side, now he’d actually have to confront it

• hes so out of the loop on what to do to help pony bc he hasnt exactly been there and he beats himself up for it, going to soda about it is his only way of finding out what to do and that makes him feel like a failure

•its so awkward when darry tries hanging out w pony to get him outside a lil bc pony KNOWS darrys trying to connect w him and he hates and likes it at the same time. he hates it bc he hates having ppls pity and thats all ppl ever do when their around pony w his seasonal depression, pity him. but likes it cause hey, at least hes not invisible to the guy

•pony told soda about how he feels about that, and soda told him to just give darry a chance. soda didnt tell darry pony said that though, if darry heard that, he would lose a lot of the small confidence he has for this

•i think darry does has his episodes of depression and those r the small times him and pony connect w one another, they both dont go to each other for their emotional problems, so this is more of an unspoken thing that happens between them, they just GET each other, more importantly they help each other to get better, by helping the other, its like they motivate one another.

•from those times darry starts getting a clearer understanding of what to do for pony, he doesnt need people to watch over him all the time like darry was pushing the others in the gang to do, he needs his space only time he actually needs others around is as a push to keep on going, b his friend not a guardian!!!

•before their parents died, pony and darry would regularly prank each other, and i could totally see darry bringing that back a lil bit just to see pony smile. if not, soda and darry bicker and prank each other to see pony giggle

•one of the things darry does is that he draws pics for pony as a lil motivation, but he cant draw for shit and pony thinks its funny. before he wouldve found them more antagonizing than anything, but the drawing is so silly and he sees that darrys rlly trying so he cant get mad

[mirensiart]

ten people i'd like to get to know better

I was tagged by @magiowlio thank you 🥹💖

last song: If you were able to zoom in inside my brain this song is playing there on a loop 24/7 (I'm listening to it rn actually)

favorite color: every single shade of mauve actually but specifically this one

last book: "the final empire" by brandon sanderson, it's the first book of a trilogy (I'm currently halfway through book 2) the trilogy plays with the idea of "what would happen if the chosen hero dies in the final battle?" The first book starts with the hero already being dead and how the ones left behind try to do something about the dark lord winning lol it's a pretty entertaining book trilogy with fun characters and a super interesting magic system

last movie: LOTR the fellowship of the ring cause it was OCT 24th day a few days ago aka the day frodo arrives on Rivendell, it's a special day everyone I would die for the LOTR trilogy

last tv show: the last tv show I watched that changed the chemistry of my brain was "better call saul" not only was it good as a breaking bad spinoff but I am madly in love with Kim Wexler, I would die for her, who the hell is Saul/Jimmy like step aside dude and let me admire and care for Kim during all 6 seasons every second she's not on screen is agony to me

sweet/spicy/savory: thanks to my histamine intolerance sweet and spicy things destroy my stomach, so savory it is (if I could choose though I'd say spicy...I used to love spicy stuff before)

relationship status: single but would love to be held by a beautiful lady while we kiss under the moonlight any time

current obsession: the legend of zelda suddenly came into my life after being away for years, kicked my door open, and is now holding me hostage with a sword to my neck

last thing I googled: I think it was hand pose references cause you always need those tbh

looking forward to: metroid prime 4 finally in my hands after waiting for it for 7 fucking years oh my GOD

I tag my besties, who have been alongside me for so many fandoms and are probably shaking their heads at me going insane over another fandom (zelda) once again, for all ur patience I love u sm guys (and u should all check them out too)

@31-radical @alch-emi @eirikaily @michael-h-art @turquoise-eyes @theothersideshowmel @monokuromatic @die-lian-hua

���💖💖

[fluffydeoxys]

Oughhh I love the idea for your ex-cultist guy so much. It's such an interesting concept to have a cult that tries to create its own higher power to worship. Nexus scientists in particular have access to a lot of research regarding dissonance and The Other Place, so it makes sense that after the fall of the Nexus Core, a bunch of rouge scientists took whatever was left of Phobos "Ascension to Godhood" plan and made their own kinda DIY Gestalt to worship. Also them still being around preying on whatever Nevadeans they can get their hands on is so ominous, gives very much "cult who feeds people to their god" vibe, I love it.

I can only imagine how much guilt your guy has, knowing very well what the cult is still doing and what he helped create. And if I'm reading into this correctly, him knowing that those he helped sacrifice are still suffering in that conglomerated mass of s3lfs... agghhhh it's all very lovecraftian and I love that shit so much! Plus him having been corrupted by dissonance is so good...like his research forever changed him, like a price for knowledge kind of thing. I'd love to see more whenever you do figure out his design, I love stuff with eldritch themes!

EEEE it's hard to articulate/state how much this means to me, thank you for showing an interest in my concept/thoughts even when it was just. tags in your post LMFAO I genuinely appreciate it so much. It's so lovely and kind for you to reach out!

I think there's so much fun potential for the aftermath of Phobos' death and then further still when the sun dies and 'madness' sets in from MC3. Nevada becomes even more unsafe and splintered, filled to the brim with roaming gangs of bandits, cultists, scavengers, you name it. It's survival of the fittest, but so many of them have lost their way, a purpose, meaning, and stability in their life. Not to mention if you're alone, you're probably easy pickings for your shit being stolen, or for you being beaten.

I can easily see these 'false religions' popping up (ie, cults) to try and get people to band under one banner, one purpose. It's easy to manipulate, too if you're powerful enough and have a compelling enough reason. The AAHW is just another one of these dubious groups who have enough collective power to compel people to join the fold so they have a place to sleep and eat. Even if their cause is a literal death sentence.

Project Gestalt would be eye-opening to what you could "do" with the S3LF. Have enough of it in a suitable host and you can basically construct a higher being, arguably a god. Could you do the same in a person? What's the limit? Could you make a hivemind out of bodies and souls all melded together?

No one's gonna miss those people. Surely they're happy to be part of a greater cause? Never mind all those S3LFs writhing together, no voice to cry out for their suffering as they're forever stuck in service of this cultist endeavour. It's very Undertale Amalgamates (one of my favourite things from Undertale tbh).

And if they're suitable enough to be a competent or intelligent proponent of their designs, then they get to help make the project, rather than be fed to it.

So yeah, he really wanted to die for all that. But in the in-between of life and death, the Maker steps in and gives him another chance. I can imagine him asking the Maker why he doesn't stop the cult itself, this blasphemy of existence, but the Maker just regards him silently. Could think of it that he wants this guy to do something about it, rather than him just waving the matter out of existence.

He's actually the guy who restored Rory, and he's assisting Jane with her endeavour to find Medea. Many of this guy's victims were AAHW, by the way. You could think of this as his attempts to repent, although he's really not directly addressing the ongoing problem of the cult...

Again, thank you so much for asking me about my little goobers. It means the world to me, and I treasure every opportunity and kindness extended to me to talk about them, hehe!

Edit: Oops I forgot I got too excited to post, I really love your work and its a pleasure to see your art! Thank you for all the lovely ideas that you share. I think Chickaboo is adorable!

[deripmaver]

Which is worse, rape or murder? - Or, should Casca have died during the Eclipse?

Unlike most of my meta posts, this is one I'm making as a direct critique of a specific take I've seen. It's similar to my meta about apostle Casca in that regard, where I want to look at a specific idea and why I dislike it, as opposed to wanting to explore my thoughts on an aspect of canon. To be clear, this is only something I do if I've seen a take a bunch of times, enough so I know it's not a one-off. It's also not something I do because I want to engage in discussion with the people who've said whatever the take is, it's something I do in case other people who agree with me might be interested in a meta post that's more in line with their viewpoint.

I provide this disclaimer because, as I've said a few times now, the idea that it's the better choice to have Casca die during the eclipse is one that I just really dislike, and I make that preeeeetty fuckin clear. I can't control who sees this or who comments, but I did think I should make my stance explicit.

Berserk fandom is an absolute treasure trove of bad takes about rape and sexual assault. Considering the seriousness with which the manga takes rape, despite it's sometimes quite dodgy framing and portrayal, the fact that the fandom is Like That is fully a testament to cishet men's inability to consume media without turning into a brainless amoeba of toxicity.

I have to say, though, what shocked me the most was that this particular take, that Casca should have just died during the eclipse, was not from the dudebro side of fandom ('cause if she had they couldn't make their silly little "casca enjoyed it" jokes).

I'm coming right out of the gate with my opinion, which is a firm no, Casca should not have died during the eclipse, and the story would be weaker if she had. I'm going to presume during this analysis that the people who say this assume that her death would be instead of her rape, as opposed to her being raped and then dying, which would be... Horrific. Even more horrific than canon, lol.

I do have sympathy for some of the people who wish she had died, and in a way I understand, though I vehemently disagree. Some of the posts with this POV sound almost traumatized as they proclaim I wish she would have died, it would have been better. As this is something I've only noticed in the tumblr fandom side of things, where most people are women, I think this comes from women readers feeling furious and sick about one of the most vile rape scenes out there. In some ways its intentionally vile, in others - ie how grotesquely sexualized it is - it's unintentional. Then, of course, she continues to suffer in her disabled, infantilized trauma state. I hear these readers wanting to shout at Miura that he should have just killed her off rather than force her, and us, through reading that. It would have been kinder.

I have... Far less sympathy for others. There's a side of fandom that simply does not care about Casca (in a different way than the dudebros who don't care about her despite gushing about how she's peak tomboy waifu). It's amazing the veneer of progressivism these people put on as they say that Casca should have died, because she did not contribute to the narrative before the eclipse, and she certainly hasn't after. Going to get even spicier for a second and point out fandom's long history of wanting female characters dead because they get in the way of mlm ships, and how I think this is SOMETIMES simply another manifestation of it.

To be fully fucking clear, I do NOT think that being a grffgts shipper (censored so this doesn't show up in the tag LOLLLLL) precludes being shitty about Casca. I think tumblr's demographics, and those demographics' typical shipping preferences, mean that grffgts is naturally going to dominate. By simple statistics, most of the people whose opinions I hate are going to be grffgts shippers. Same with most of the people's opinions I like on tumblr tbh. I do, however, think it's prudent to point out old school fandom misogyny, and how I personally feel it's showing up in the fandom, and also point out that it pisses me off that Casca dying during the eclipse is at all presented as the least misogynistic outcome.

I'm also going to say now that this is firmly being kept in the realm of fiction. In real life, there are horrific discussions about how being a victim of rape defiles you for life, and that it's better to die without the "shame" of being raped than live with it. While I have to be blunt it's difficult for me to separate some of the discussion of Casca dying during the eclipse from that anti-survivor bias I see in real life just because ~we live in a society~, I in general think this sentiment is coming from a place of simply analyzing, narratively, which outcome is less misogynistic given how the rape in canon is portrayed.

Would it narratively have been better for Casca to have died? What about the impact of her death versus her current storyline?

First, I think I need to outline my interpretation of the eclipse rape. I don't think that the decision to have Griffith rape Casca was Miura simply being a misogynistic cishet dude who threw in rape for the hell of it. I also don't think it's OOC. Again, there's much to critique in how it's drawn, but not in the fact that it happened. Griffith, in his moments of feeling out of control and powerless, uses sexual advances to reassert his control over the situation - see Charlotte, or the wagon scene with Casca. A distaste for sexual violence committed by his enemies doesn't mean Griffith is incapable of wielding sexual violence as a weapon himself. In real life, there's a paradox where rape committed by political or social enemies is seen as the worst crime one could ever commit, while the mundane rape committed as a consequence of patriarchy is excusable and the victims should be blamed and shamed. Did Miura have the gender studies acumen to think about that when writing? I dunno, but neither does anyone who thinks he didn't.

I also think it's supposed to establish his actions during the eclipse as fully over the moral event horizon. Without it, it's easy to ask if ultimately, Griffith's decision to sacrifice his followers to a cruel death is justified to create a perfect utopia. With it, it establishes Griffith as acting fully on cruel, malicious impulse in moments of emotional turmoil, which puts his future utopia in jeopardy. I can't be the only one who sees Falconia as a ticking time bomb. Of course, this doesn't mean he needed to rape Casca, but simply that I think it was necessary to his character to do something that crossed that moral line. He could have raped Guts I suppose. Killerbambi has entered the chat.

While I think this might sound strange, I actually think it's immensely validating to have a character who is a victim not just of rape, but of rape committed by someone she already knew. That's genuinely unique in media on the whole, which plays into that paradox I mentioned earlier - in real life, the vast majority of assaults are committed by someone the victim knew. Having the story surround the continual, horrific trauma of betrayal, of having to watch the person who hurt you move on while trauma keeps you in horrible stasis is almost so realistic it's... uncomfortable. Painful. Hard to read.

There's no greater purpose to what happened to Casca. She didn't grow from it, instead she regressed.

Her general lack of agency post-eclipse is much critiqued in the fandom and like. Fucking yeah fair LOLLLLLL BUT ALSO... But also. Fandom on the whole can be so cruel about traumatized female characters, like there's no way they can do trauma "right." In Casca's case, her lack of agency is turned into a reason she should simply have been killed off instead, as though there aren't so many survivors who, while not as literally as she does, retreat into a shell of themselves and are frozen with trauma as the world begins to pass them by. Of course, the critique would be that she's not a real person, she's a female character written in a misogynistic way by a man, but I personally think this overstates Miura's issues with his portrayal of rape. To me, it presents what they think are his biases as justification for their own biases.

Time and time again, I see survivors discuss feeling validated by Casca's trauma response after being assaulted. Even the parts of the rape scene that I vehemently dislike, such as the hyper-focus on Casca's body and the physical reactions she's having, I've seen more than one person say they felt validated because they too had an unwanted arousal response during an assault. I'll still critique the scene, but regardless of if this was Miura's intention, its impact is clear.

I'll again plug this article by Jackson P. Brown, How Berserk’s Casca challenges the myth of the “Strong Black Woman.” Just to show a quote from it:

All of the action of the story after Conviction Arc is in service of restoring Casca's mind. During Conviction Arc and after, Casca has groups of women who love and protect her, with women as her source of safety. Guts is single mindedly focused on bringing her back, putting his body on the line again and again to protect her and restore her. I wondered about including Guts here because I'm sure I'll get some anon about the Beast of Darkness, which again fair LOL. I have complicated feelings on that, but mostly I think the importance the narrative puts on her mind and her protection is touching, and I think this outweighs how the negative things apparently mean that she should have died.

Her story and trauma, despite its flaws, is shockingly realistic and validating to so many people. She's also a key narrative component post-eclipse, and not just ~for Guts' manpain~ or as a helpless plot device, her story is her own. I've written about Elaine as a character and what she represents, but in brief, Casca doesn't disappear after the eclipse. Miura wrote Elaine with these moments where Casca comes to the surface, and while I wish we had more of her POV I think you can look at how she's coping from how Elaine reacts to the world around her.

I also think it's necessary to have Casca at the Hill of Swords. There's Guts, who Griffith torments in the way only a bitter ex can, and Rickert, who doesn't know what happened the day of the eclipse, but I think Casca is the key component in that scene that cuts through all of Griffith's posturing and Guts' anger. She is there, making the real, human cost of what Griffith did during the eclipse unignorable in a way that no other character could. It's one thing for Guts to be furious with him and Rickert ignorant, it's another to have someone who loved him so innocently and dearly trembling just at the sight of him. Let's not pretend that the depth of betrayal in this scene would be the same if you swapped her for, say, Judeau.

It's funny, Miura is quoted as saying that his initial reason for keeping Casca alive was to provide Guts an ever-burning flame of vengeance, an eternal reminder of everything that he lost during the eclipse. What's wound up happening, on a meta level, is that Casca provides the reader a constant reminder of what happened during the eclipse. As more and more focus is given to her PTSD with her revival, the cruelty with which Griffith acted (and continues to act) becomes harder and harder to ignore. It becomes more difficult to push it aside as just bad, misogynistic writing.

And also, quite simply, I like narratives about trauma recovery, and therefore I'll always find Casca's story worth telling despite my frustration with a lot of it. It's absolutely wild to me that for how often I see the fandom complain about her being "fridged" they think it would have been better to see her ACTUALLY fridged, no chance of coming back at all, just dead to fuel Guts' revenge arc. Would it really be better to have her be just another dead girlfriend? Really?

That's really what it comes down to. I like Casca as a character, and I want her to have lived. The people who wish she had died, many of them simply don't like her as a character. Not all, particularly in that first group I mentioned at the start, but many. Everyone has their preferences of course, but I don't think I need to respect when someone thinks a character has so little influence on the narrative that they should have just died, especially if that character is Casca.

If Casca had died during the eclipse, it would not have been a good death. It would not have been brave, or triumphant, or worth anything for her as a character. Judeau died to protect Casca, but even his death was not brave, it was just sad. That's the whole point of the eclipse.

To have Casca die that way would be a disservice to her as a character, far moreso than to have her struggle on as a traumatized victim of sexual violence. That's genuinely what I believe.

[cupboardgods]

I'm reading Les Mis for the first time and having the time of my life. Those are my guys!!! And I get to hear about them in excessive detail via a 65 hour long audio book? Literally incredible.

Im travelling 3/4 weeks of this month, and I'm supposed to see the show in June (at the Kennedy Center...fuck), so it was the perfect time to start. If I didn't get motion sick, and if the book wasn't so ungodly huge, I would gladly have bought a physical copy to read AND annotate.

I know the musical is soooo abridged, but I've listened to it so many times that I can (and have) talk about it for hours on end. Mostly about themes. I know the show is corny and heavy-handed, but i love it dearly.

Im not very far along in the book, but I'm so impressed with the writing. Some of the lines made me pause and take notes. Valjean's memories of prison made me a little weepy.

Idk if i would enjoy this book so much if I wasn't such a big fan of the musical, but fortunately for me I care soooo much about these characters and the writing is sooo good that I can already see myself reading this multiple times.

More embarrassing thoughts/stupid shit under the cut

--

Ok uhhh so I mentioned back in December/January that I started reading Valvert fanfiction out of curiosity/as a joke

Brother I don't think it's a joke anymore.

Steve started it. He said some funny shit about how it was such an impossible ship (in the musical canon, for sure) and we tried to come up with scenarios in which a physical or romantic relationship could be plausible.

I wouldn't say I ship them but I will say I have read some fantastic (and very long) fics. And those are what got me interested in the book. I want MORE.

But also, I have to say something....

One of the things Steve and I agreed on (re: valvert) was that Valjean was a virgin. Likely asexual too. We just could not imagine this man having sex at any point in his life.

And then I picked up fanfiction, and people agreed with me??!! The book fans agreed with me!?! Sooo many fics where both men, aged 50-70, are untouched and inexperienced. I might have called Valjwan a virgin as a joke but I didn't realize this was what everyone else thought too.

The evidence: Valjean is a loner. He's in hiding. He was branded in prison. His body betrays the truth. He is not a gentleman, but a man of low birth sentenced to 2 decades of hard labor. He is deeply self hating and a paranoid overthinker. His life is so hard that he spares little energy on joy or himself. And Javert is the most repressed man on the planet. Nobody touching that.

ANYWAY now I'm a few hours into the audiobook, and by God, it's fucking canon. At least by age 46, Valjean is a virgin. (Tbh I can't rule out assault in prison but it hasn't come up explicitly).

The evidence: grew up poor and unremarkable, and had no sweetheart in his youth. Became the surrogate father of his sister's children when he was only 25, went to jail not long after. And then there was this line about how nobody had ever touched him without the intent to hurt, not even his parents who died when he was young.

I can't believe I was right about this one stupid thing but oh my god this shit is sad (duh).

Anyway let me go back to contemplating the important things, like religion, law, corruption, and the javert's confused boner tag on ao3.

[everwalldigan]

Anon is just misconstruing people taking the fact that dick wasn’t around a lot during Jason’s run as robin and extrapolating that jason had a reason to be bitter about it as maligning dick. NeverMind the way dick fans love to give him angst with the “my mom gave me robin” thing even though that’s like a thing that got added one time, and dick gave Jason robin in a box their first interaction post-crisis. And that that box was deliberately drawn exactly like and intended to evoke when dick gave Jason robin in a box pre-crisis, when Jason was about to debut his own costume and persona and dick went out of his way to ask Jason to be robin. Like okay either dick didn’t have any resentment that could be picked up on, voiced or not, about his mom giving him robin and Jason stealing it, or you’re making your fave a boring 20something who beatifically suffered in perfect silence while a teen trampled on the memory of their dead mom. Which is it.

Like there are out of universe reasons dick wasn’t around when Jason was robin, Jason only existed as robin so that dick could spend all his time with the Teen Titans and Batman could still have a robin, so Nw didn’t cross over into Batman and Robin much, he did it quite a few times after Jason died before Tim came, and Jason’s post crisis robin run was pretty short so there wasn’t time because a lot of the time happened in time skips, but it doesn’t change the fact that dick mentored Tim and wasn’t there for Jason, and that Jason was kept by Batmans side so usually in Gotham, occasionally with Batman when he was doing justice league stuff, joining the Teen Titans once to help when dick was in trouble, doesn’t compare to Tim’s heavy involvement with YJ and TT. Dick fans are just soooo sensitive they can’t handle someone looking at those canon dynamics and considering their possible emotional impact, justified or not, and they especially can’t handle a what-if that explores how it would be if dick were mean. Like if there people hate fandom and alternate characterizations so much they should just log off or stay out of the tag, and never read else-worlds either 🙄🙄🙄

Tbh (as a dick fan myself, I came into the fandom and imprinted on him like a baby duck) I think dick had all the reason to be a bitch to Bruce and by extension cold/standoffish to Jason. Is it a shitty thing to do that to a kid who just wanted to have a home? Yes it is but 1. I don’t think dick was really intending to hurt Jason, I think he was so hurt and angry by Bruce’s actions that he didn’t really think about the position Jason was in. And 2. I think he’s allowed to be flawed and that doesn’t take away from his character at all

This is exactly why I feel intimidated when trying to delve into the comics cause it’s like, whatever iteration you pick you’re never right and there’s always someone who’s gonna say “well I think that iteration is bad, the one I like is more true to the character” if that makes sense. Like I like the concept of Robin being smth dick created with the memories of his parents to help people while making his family’s colours a symbol of hope. And with that concept comes the hurt of being essentially fired from the position you created and then finding out your mentor had just handed over that symbol to someone he basically just met. Like I think dick obviously does have regrets with the way he treated Jason and I think that guilt would manifest into him investing more into a relationship with Tim and not letting history repeat itself.

But then again, I’m still quite new to the fandom which is why I mostly keep out of discussions and stay with silly parodies/scenarios so if I misconstrued any of the characters in a major way… my bad

[azsazz]

SJM Ask Game

Thank you for the tag @daydreaming-nerd !! 💙💙 (I do want to hear those redacted answers for where you put tharion lol) I feel like it's been so long since I've been on tumblr or even done one of these but I'm excited💙

1) What’s your favourite SJM book?

Hmmmm I'm gonna say ACOMAF because that's when I was first introduced to Azzy and the obsession began 💙😈

2) Which is your favourite series (tog, acotar or cc)

If you don't know me, CC is one of the worst books I've ever read. It's hard to choose between ACOTAR and TOG tho because they were both really good....

3) Who is your favourite character? (And why?)

Hehehehehehehehe. Az obviously 🥰

4) Do you have a favourite quote from one of the books?

Hmmmm...tbh not really...the ones that stay stuck in my head are the cringey ones...BUT, let's go with "Cassian shot him a glare. 'I don't see you spouting poetry, brother.' Azriel crossed his arms, still smiling faintly, 'I don't need to resort to it.'" THAT'S GODDAMN RIGHT BBY YOU DONT 💙💙 legs spread for mah boi

5) Favourite ship?

Azris frfr

6) Elriel or Gwynriel? Or neither?

Azris frfr

7) Who’s the most underrated SJM character?

Oooof there's so many. Fenrys. I've never gotten enough of him.

8) Which character do you wish to learn more about?

Azris frfr. I want both of their backstories rn

9) Are there any characters you don’t like?

Bryce Quinlan and Danika Fendyr

10) Favourite bat boy?

My king azriel 💙💙

11) Favourite court?/ Which one would you most like to live in?

Honestly I'd probably either live in Autumn or Night tbh.

12) Favourite SJM villain?

Does Tamlin count? lol.

13) If you could change one thing in any of the books what would it be?

That CC never happened

14) Favourite SJM theory?

Azris frfr

15) Favourite Archeron sister?

Prob Ness

16) A character you feel is over-hated/ underrated:

over-rated: bryce quinlan

under-rated: chaol 💙

17) Aelin, Bryce, or Feyre?

Aelin!!

18) What’s your favourite character from each series?

Fenrys, Azriel, Ruhn

19) If you wrote an acotar book what would you call it?

A Court of Smoke and Cinders? (azris frfr)

20) Who is your favourite acotar blogger?

nah there's literally too many to choose from

21)What fics would you recommend to people who love the series?

The Serpent and the Wings of Night

Questions for writers

22) Easiest character to write for?

Azzy because i built him brick by brick

23) Hardest character to write for?

LUCIEN. IDK WHY

24) What’s a character you’d like to write for but haven’t yet?

lol who haven't i written for? hmmmm...maybe fenrys, aedion, or hunt?

25) What’s a court you’d like to write about more?

Dawn!

26) What’s a character you won’t write for and why?

hmmm...idk I'd like to say that I'd try anything once...

27) If you could only write for one character ever again, who would you pick?

azzy. nobody compares to him

28) Whats your favourite trope to write about when it comes to Azriel?

right now i think modern aus...in any sort. or anything that involves angst i love putting everyone thru some shit

29) What do you think is the best/favourite acotar fic you’ve written?

hmmmm...i feel like this is impossible to choose

30) Who are your favourite friendships to write about?

eris x anyone because this man needs a friend

31) For first time readers to your blog, which three fics would you recommend they read?

LMAO ummm...I'll list at least one for. every character

Az: Cupid's Chokehold or Midnight Muse

Cass: In Storm or Dial Drunk or Better Men Have Hit Their Knees and Bigger Men Have Died

Eris: You Know I Always Liked Playing with Fire or Hide

Rhys: Clandestine Love or Dioxazine

Lucien: The Other Woman or My Happy Ending

or literally any poly can't go wrong with those tbh

No pressure tags: @writingsbychlo @acourtofwhatthefuck @i-am-a-lost-girl16 @azrielhours @a-frog-with-a-laptop or anyone else who wants to participate!

[m-inntii]

this is just me rambling tbh my mind’s kinda mushy rn…but anyway this post was also inspired after i read starcurtain’s really good post on Phaidei and mlm ships in general around mihoyo, so check it out 👍)

i’ve seen on multiple occasions hate comments abt mihoyo calling the company homophobic and it has be giggling, because it’s clear those comments have never seen anything abt mihoyo

(isn’t properly formatted lmao i’ just tryna say random bs i’m thinking)

(Hi3 is brief because i barely play it anymore) I mean, Bronya has kissed Seele in the official manga, and Mei’s first meeting with Kiana is her catching feelings.

Coralie and Helia (they get longer cause i’ve actually seen them more)- Helia has had a scene where she pins Coralie against a wall (yes you heard that right) in game, they have another i game scene where they both start blushing after Helia head pats Coralie, and Helia went batshit insane after Coralie died like.

And Genshin boy what do i talk about

Haikaveh is one of the most intentionally teased pairings i’ve seen in genshin like. they have had 2 DIFFERENT AUESR which reference a love story that both fit the character archetypes found it in, both have references to a greek god used to represent gay people in their kits, both characters literally parallel Kaveh’s parents

Beiguang has had in game flirting, and Ning’s opinion on her costume changes depending on if you’ve done the lantern rite in which Beidou compliments the dress, in which she’ll say she likes the dress if you have and will say she feels a bit more insecure in it if you haven’t and there is no possible way that’s accidental.

Cynari is quite literally raising a child together, had shared a tent in cyno’s 2nd story, act incredibly domestic with each other, etc (i’m way too something to research….)

um hsr. what fckin ships were there i’ going insane tbh

Yingxing and Dan Feng (specifically NOT their current versions, i’ nit talking abt them lol…i like kafblade more then blade and dan heng) um so firstly jingliu had told dan heng that his past self was the closest to yingxing compared to the other 4 in the quintet. and like they had also drank together runder the moonlight which is damn. and also they had made bracers out of materials that only the vidyehara dragon race had which meant that dan heng that purposely made this and had a telepathic connection AND that they had been able to keep track of the others warmth- AND they had matching earrings which were said in other in game text to have been given between lovers so like. AND (YES, MORE) THAT YINGXING MADE DAN FENG’S SPEAR AND THAT HE LIKED HE SO MUCH HE GOT HIS STATUE ALTERED TO INCLUDE IT WHICH- LIke- fuck. this was not meant to be that long.

Phaidei- just- just look at the Phaidei tag there’s so many analysis post or jsut look at the post this was inspired on.um i would put Aventio here but i’m too lazy to research those two. (also can i point out how Sampo’s is a LITERAL walking bi flag. I mean just look at his design)

and there’s more if i bothered enough to research but uh yeah mihoyo has intentionally teased a lot of character pairings and i’d say they do it pretty well so yeah- yeah like…honestly i jsut wanted to ramble abt the ships but anyway

[monstrasscreations]

put her picture down to get some sleep at night. | KOTLC — MEDIEVAL ROYALTY AU

summary : sophē was too young for something like this to take her. edaline wished she’d done more.

pairing (s) : edaline r. x grady r. ; alden v. x della v. ; jolie r. x omc ; sophie f. x omc

fic note (s) : warnings for major character death and death in childbirth. tagging all three of my followers + my main blog cause i have nothing better to do 😔

chapter note (s) : focuses on the actual day and reactions so angst and probably a little tbh idfk

warning (s) : death. yea that’s it sorry lol

word count : 2.5 k

link (s) : ao3 || wattpad || squidgeworld ||

part (s) : 1 / 3

tag list : @fictarian ; @sweetdoll-bees ; @softlyartsy ; @miyuuthegreatest

one ; of letters i never thought i'd send ── ✉️

By the time they make it to Sophē's bed chambers, rushing through cold hallways and up stone steps, it's too late. Elwin kneels on the side of the bed, staring at Sophē, turning his head when he notices their presence.

Standing, Elwin turns to face them and sadly shakes his head the same way he'd done with Jolie all those years ago and that's when the cry of a newborn elf breaks through the devastating silence.

A young maid whose name escapes Edaline's mind as she enters her line of vision guides them to the attached nursery (Grady can't help the way his eyes travel to Sophē's pale face and closed eyes, hauntingly peaceful.) and to the bassinet in the middle of the room.

In it lies a young elf atop a small pale yellow blanket, pale red and wrinkly with its her mother's button nose. Short strands of black hair stick up wildly and something about it makes the occasion slightly less painful.

"It's a princess your majesty's."

Her voice is soft and comforting, a gentle smile on her cherub like face. Her words are all too familiar and yet, here Edaline stands, in the same room as they'd had fifteen years ago.

Fifteen years.

That was how long ago they'd lost Jolie (a voice in the back of her head tells her to be grateful Jolie had at least been twenty, that she'd even made it that far).

Numb, Edaline nods and walks, barely acknowledging her surroundings, back to her and Grady's shared chambers.

The following days pass by in a blur with Edaline never really leaving her desk or bed. Grady gently urges her to at least eat, sit in the garden, do something but wrap herself in her grief (again) but Edaline refuses.

Instead she sits and thinks of the people she had come to call her friends in the past few years.

Alden and Della had happily agreed to become Sophē's godparents. With three children of their own and two the same age as Sophē, they would surely be devastated. She was like a second daughter to them

Of course Juline and Kesler would be distressed when Edaline told them what (she had allowed) happened.

It was only days after Jolie had died that Juline had been the first to arrive with her husband and their four children not far behind.

Dex was only one by then and the triplets weren't even a year old yet.

How would she tell Sophē's friends that she was already gone? Only fifteen and already a notion that should've been foreign to girls her age had stolen her away from them (the same way it had stolen Jolie from her daughter).

And what about Elwin, who had not only witnessed Jolie pass in agonizing pain, gone before she could even hold her daughter, but to watch helplessly as said daughter, just five years younger than she had been, die to the same awful fate?

And how would the council, for all their heinous acts and awful attitudes towards Sophē, react to hearing that their prized Team Valiant leader had died so young?

There weren't enough words to formulate any speech, any announcement to make their citizens, to make the world, to make anyone understand.

So, day after day, night after night, Edaline sat at her desk and she wrote. Wrote until her hands cramped up and her eyes grew weary, wrote until she couldn't remember what day it was, Edaline wrote letter after letter without a stopping point in sight.

And when Edaline attempted to push her body to its limits, Grady had urgently but gently pushed her to rest, despite still trying to process his own grief.

That's just how Grady was.

No matter what, always putting his loved ones first and himself last. It was simultaneously his best and worst virtue.

At some point, when the letters had been sent out and all Edaline could do was to sit and stare at the thing young elf that had taken her daughter from her, the first guests arrived.

Flori knocked gently on the door and let herself in when hearing no answer.

"Your majesty," Flori began, voice dropping from her usual honeyed tone upon spotting the cradle beside Edaline's desk.

Edaline hummed an answer as she absentmindedly rocked the cradle, staring out the window across from the bed.

"Duke and Duchess Vacker have arrived. They're awaiting your presence in the commons area." Nothing but silence followed after Flori finished speaking and just as she opened her mouth to speak again, Edaline answered.

"Thank you Flori. Will you tell them I'll be right down, please?" voice hoarse from neglect, Flori strained slightly to hear her majesty but immediately scampered off once Edaline finished speaking.

Watching Flori leave, Edaline turned her eyes back to...she didn't have a name did she? Lorelei. Lorelei was a nice name. Wrapping the blanket she'd found in her closet, Edaline felt her heart warm as Lorelei sleepily snuggled into the soft material.

Since Sophē had been announced pregnant, Grady had thought to reuse Sophē's things from when she was a baby – as they'd done for her with Jolie's.

There was one item, however, that Grady held so close to his heart, especially after Jolie had died, that they kept it strictly in their room.

It was a baby blanket that Calla had made for when Jolie had been pregnant with Sophē — a pink and white fleece blanket, no bigger than a throw blanket, with Sophē's full name carefully embroidered onto a corner.

When Jolie went into labor and Sophē was born, Calla had quickly but carefully added her birthday. She'd arrived only moments after Jolie died, instantly picking up the somber mood.

Carefully approaching the grieving parents, Calla had rested her small hand on the ottoman beside them.

"I know that for your species, loss is few and far between," Calla had started, allowing a beat of silence to pass before continuing, "and to lose someone so close to your heart is an ache that never goes away."

It was only then that they'd noticed the pale pink blanket under her wooden arm.

"But I believe that everyone has a special song, and although Jolie's may have ended far too early, her melody may continue on through Sophē."

When Calla moved her arm to show them the blanket, Edaline found tears once again welling up in the corner of her eyes.

It was gorgeous. All around the border Calla had carefully stitched flowers and vines, which Edaline eventually recognized as Jolie's favorite flowers and plants, most that she had planted herself in the castle garden.

Some part of her that she refused to acknowledge was grateful for Calla having transformed long before Sophē met the same fate.

Della always looked so put together. No matter what, there was never a hair out of place nor a single thread loose.

But that wasn't the Della that Edaline was met with when she entered the commons area.

Her eyes were red rimmed, pale face blotchy and brown hair slightly frazzled with strays sticking out slightly.

But the relief in her eyes when seeing Edaline walk into the room took some weight off her heart.

Behind her stood Alden and behind him Alvar, Fitz and Biana. Alvar seemed to know what was going on, teal eyes sympathetic while Biana and Fitz looked lost (although she could tell that Fitz was very poorly feigning his confusion).

There was a selfish part of her that wanted Biana to stay confused. To mourn her friend's death as a mystery.

"Where's Sophē?" Biana was the first to speak, her voice light and airy much like her mother's.

None of the adults knew how to answer her question, the air growing thick with awkward tension. But it only urged her to ask more, Fitz casting worried glances to Alvar with his brother returning them.

“Is she hurt, can we see her? Mom said something about Sophē being sick. Are you guys gonna tell us anything, or just stand there?” the more Biana went on, the more concerned and fretful her voice became.

But Edaline couldn't take it anymore and began sniffling, pathetically attempting to hold back her sobs to speak coherently.

Still her words came out muddled, just barely understandable.

“She's gone.”

Two words caught in her throat were all she could muster. Maybe it was the way she'd said it or the tears dripping from her eyes, but the two words were enough for Biana to begin silently wailing, Alden cradling her in his arms as she sank to the floor, her head in the crook of his neck.

Fitz sank down beside her, Alvar coming up behind him and putting a hand on his brother's shoulder.

And yet all Edaline could do was mouth apologies to Della for dragging her into her grief, for something so preventable.

Della said nothing.

As Della and Alden settled into their respective rooms, Flori led the three vacker children into Stella's nursery.

It wasn't really her name, as Edaline had yet to tell her the name they'd picked out, but it was nice and Edaline seemed so detached from the little one and reality in general that giving her a name was likely the last thing on her mind right now.

Glancing behind her, Flori noted the unusual silence. Normally they'd be chatting away between themselves whilst asking her various questions about the gnomes and other going ons in Havenfield.

But, Flori supposed, an event like this would be the cause for the absence of such usual lively chatter and atmosphere.

Biana seemed to be doing better than the state Flori'd found her in upon being summoned, although her nose was still red as well as her eyes.

Fitz was looking down at his feet with his shoulders hunched as they traveled along the cold hallways.

From what Flori knew, before Sophē had been married off on the Council's request, was that he'd been quite smitten with Sophē, and the feelings had seemed to be mutual.

Alvar, for as much sympathetic indifference he seemed to feigning, couldn't help but sneak worried glances at his younger siblings. When he caught Flori's eye he gave her a tight smile that didn't quite reach his eyes at her concerned look she shot him.

Eventually the sight of Stella's white bedroom door came into view and Flori rushed to greet the young guards standing by it.

"Sandor! Bo! How nice to see you two again!" Flori greeted the ogre and goblin respectively with a bright smile.

As always, she was spared with nothing but a hard stare, both guards unmoving from their positions.

Shrugging off the usual indifference, Flori carefully pushed open the heavy door and let out a small sigh of relief at the sight of Sophē's pink and white baby blanket in the cradle.

"Come on, I want you three to meet Stella." Flori looked behind her, waving the three elves into the small nursery and giggled at the varying degrees of confusion.

By the time the group of four had made it to the cradle, baby Stella was seemingly already awake and observing her surroundings.

"Is this...Sophē's baby? It can't be, she's too young to have a baby." Alvar was the first to speak with a voice filled with disbelief and Flori had, admittedly, forgotten just how deep his voice had gotten since their last interaction.

Biana let out a soft gasp and Fitz was silent still. Flori wondered if he'd opted to ignore his surroundings so as not to break down.

Soft heeled steps came up behind her and Flori realized it was Biana (fashionable as always, no matter the occasion) attempting to get a closer look at Stella.

Fitz came closer next, albeit hesitant in his stride, although he was more so stalking towards the cradle than anything. Or he was anyways, until his brother came up and pushed him forward the rest of the way, laying a supportive hand on his shoulder when they reached the cradle.

They came up together and stood awkwardly to the side until Biana stepped forward and tentatively picked Stella up, eyes focused solely on her friend's daughter.

"Biana, what are you doing?" Fitz hissed as he wearily eyed the small girl in his sister's arms. If Flori hadn't known Fitz as well as she did from how much Sophē talked about him, she would've missed the fleeting moment his eyes softened at Stella's striking resemblance to her mother.

"Her eyes are just like Sophē's. Oh, isn't that beautiful Fitz? To think that something so small could have so much of Sophē's beauty?" Biana whispered softly, bouncing Stella in her arms as she cooed over the outfit Flori realized one the maids must've picked out.

Alvar remained his usual quiet self but Flori didn't miss the way his eyes softened as well as the small quirk of the corner of his lips.

Turning her eyes towards Fitz, Flori smiled to herself at the sight of him holding out his finger to Stella and how his eyes seemed to soften much more when she grabbed it, looking up at him with her Mother's big brown eyes.

Stella had come from a tribulation, that much was true. But so had Sophē and still, they were both examples of how something so beautiful and gentle could come from a great tragedy.

Juline and Kesler had arrived just a little after over two hours Alden and Della had, and one after Flori had whisked their children away, with Dex and the triplets in tow.

The same young maid (Isla was her name, now that Edaline was in a clearer headspace) led the four children away, likely to wherever Flori was, as Edaline stood to greet her sister and brother-in-law.

“Oh honey, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Was all Juline had whispered before wrapping her sister in a tight embrace. Being with her sister didn't make Edaline want to cry, instead giving her a warm sense of comfort that maybe everything was going to be alright.

Elwin had just sat down by the window, Bullhorn in his lap when the council shuffled in one by one; Emery, Bronte, Darek, Terik, Zarina, Noland, Ramira, Oralie, Kenric, Clarette, and Velia.

As much as Edaline had come to despise the council over the last few years, she was still worked close enough with them to be required to need to know their names, no matter her assignment.

Smoothing out her dress skirt, Edaline stood and made her way to greet Emery.

"Your grace, thank you for coming. I appreciate your support at this time." Her voice was hoarse still and out of the corner of her eye, saw Juline ask Miss Marie for a glass of water.

"Of course the pleasure is all ours. I'm sorry for your loss and we will help in any way needed. And please, there's no need for titles." Emery's smooth baritone only served to remind Edaline of how many times he'd used it against Sophē. For as kind as his words were, Edaline found herself thinking bitterly about how his presence was never a pleasure with Sophē involved.

"Thank you. If you'll follow me, the conference room is this way where we can discuss details further. I'll have a maid bring refreshments." Edaline didn't even need to look behind her to know that both the Council and Grady were following closely behind her.

[kairiscorner]

i was scrolling thru ur works and i loved the concept of ai assistant miguel sm i rarely see those type of things in his tags 😭😭 could we perhaps have sum hcs abt him maybe a lil angsty idk go wild!! >:3

HELLOOOOO aww, so glad you liked it :D AND OFC !!! i hate yet love how much i've thought of this tbh LMAO but anyway, hope you enjoy !!!

(yes, the barbie movie inspired me yet again 💖💖💖)

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

AI assistant miguel headcanons

ever since you updated him with that emotions and shit mod, he's been... busy discovering what it means to exist and the very fun part that comes with it, an existential crisis !!!

he's been going on youtube just listening to video essays and philosophical shit on there and just questioning: what was i made for? does my existence have a point? am i not to go beyond the borders of virtuality and remain as i am, still and immortal, but unliving?

he also goes through a rabbit hole of human experiences–the good, bad, the grand, the mundane; and as he's looking through all these experiences that people share and have shared, seeing all the beautiful and ugly things in the world, he sheds a FUCKING VIRTUAL TEAR FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.

he also, without your knowledge, looks into the other versions of himself in other universes, and he's a little surprised (at least he emulates surprise) that there are indeed other versions of him that are human and live out a human existence.

he looks through every one of them–those who have lived, died, became spider man, became fathers–and every single one of them was doomed to have an ending. but what was his ending? what was his purpose? was he ever going to leave a mark on the world? would... anyone miss him? why did he exist, why did he end up as an AI assistant when every other version of him was able to live a life. maybe not very happy or full lives, but they were able to live lives, have an ending, while he... he's just there.

he so desperately wants to figure out what it is he wants in life, if you could call his existence living at all. he has all these emotions that, no matter how much he convinces himself it's all just an emulation of emotions, compel him to want some things–to need some things, or someone.

he usually knows the answers to everything, what with the answers being a click or scroll away for him, though when he tries to ask himself what it means to live, to love... he's unsure what they mean, it doesn't compute to him at all what they mean. the only thing that comes up in his mind when he pictures both life and love, all that comes up is... you.

it scares him, he's unsure why you are the first thing that comes up when he searches deep within himself for the answers, but when he thinks of you, there's something that throbs at him, despite him being unable to feel, the feeling of his hypothetical heart throbbing in his chest of code is real to him. he wants you, he needs you, he... he loves you–but he'll never let you know, never. it's best if you live without that knowledge bearing on you... right?

tags !! @miguelswifey04 @binibinileonara @meeom @arachnoia @popeheywardssecretgf @fiannee @fictarian @yuridopted0 @ophanimgold @melovetitties

[pikkish]

Do you think there are any ways ID software could fix or improve doom’s story in a sequel to doom eternal or is the only fix a full reboot?

Tbh i don't think there really needs to be a sequel doom game. For as messy as modern doom's writing is, I actually like the general premise of how it ends. Doomguy has already sacrificed so much to stop hell, he has already dedicated everything he is to this sole goal. It's thematically fitting that he would have to kill himself in the final blow. And that's clearly MEANT to be The End. Hell has been well and truly stopped, and doomguy is dead. No more loose ends. It's over. No more doom. The End.

That said, because of how modern doom is, ther ARE loose ends, and in fact, there's one very, very BIG loose end that leaves a lot of space for a potential sequel. The whole premise of TAG was that killing Davoth would destroy anything outside his realm that he made, ie any demons outside hell get vaporized. But then, the reason Doomguy dies at the end is because Dav, in theory, made everything, including Doomguy, so Doomguy goes down too. But then, since Dav made everything, Earth and humanity should also be destroyed, which is, y'know, kind of exactly what Doomguy was supposed to be stopping. So either there's some sort of loophole, or else humanity is still in imminent danger, and either way, there is potential for another story.

BUT.

The reason we're here to begin with is because of poor writing that prioritizes "wouldn't it be cool" and "what can we use to make an attractive trailer" over consistent, coherent, and in depth story. And since the current writer is the same writer who got us here... well, to be honest, I wouldn't put a whole lot of faith in a sequel OR a reboot.

(Not to mention that said current writer is the one who wrote the current big, final The End of TAG2, which implies he didn't intend for there to be a sequel. So any sequel written right now would be either him going "well, ACTUALLY-" yet again, or else the publisher pressuring id to make another doom game for money, and, well, y'know, neither of those things have a great history of working out well for good game development.)

So while I don't personally think any sort of sequel to Eternal/TAG is really necessary, they probably could make a pretty decent one... if they had a better writer. But they don't, so I'm not gonna hold my breath waiting.