#tbf. i think i'm getting there. kinda
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i need long hair the way a guy has long hair it's not funny anymore
#tbf. i think i'm getting there. kinda#i looked at pictures of myself from the last time i had hair down past my shoulders (which was in high school)#and WOW i looked like a different person#so much more femme#so i hope i can pull this off now bc my vibes are definitely different#or as my friend put it. i have watched too many c-dramas#ashton originals#is this the real life
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tbh i feel like it can be a little hard to get a grasp on certain characters in this fandom because of how differently they're portrayed in the play that goes wrong vs the specials vs the shows. like there's enough there that it's obviously the same character but there's also enough differences in personality traits and their relationships to other characters that sometimes it feels a bit hard to come up with a concrete idea of who they are ykwim
#especially with how much canon adjacent material we have for most of them it starts to get a bit overwhelming#maybe that's just me though gkhlsdf. does anyone else struggle with this#idk this is part of the reason why my headcanons are so vibes based i don't think canon has a concrete answer most of the time#and tbf i don't think it needs to given the nature of the show#but i'm the kinda person who gets really insecure about my characterization so it can be hard to balance all of it#anyway. sorry. shouting into the void here lmao#the goes wrong show#marshy speaks
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#svsss#scum villains self saving system#shang qinghua#how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg#I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg#how nice it would be to not exist#everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate#time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times#I haven't felt real in most of those years either#Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times#tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias#I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it#but at the same time I really want to do more too#I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person#and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig#I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg#priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore#idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things#like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing?#Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything#I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me#I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha#ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so#chug chug going along#I also have to make wushi before I die. haha#god my life is so empty#what am I even doing#I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this?#so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much#I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more
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A little update; I've gone absolutely bonkers with writing between panicked revisions for Exams™ and thus can announce that Part 8 is gonna be around 16~k words (most likey somewhat above 16k tbh)
ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ 🎶
( (;; o o) ??? )
#That's like 30-something pages according to this one word counter so yay#Idk how tf this happened since basically none of this is filler or angthing#(imo everything is either important or makes it less 'dry' to read so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)#(tbf I had to both break canon's spine AND align things to my liking (but not necessarily SIkuna's lol) so it took some effort heh)#I'm gonna try my best to finish it up today but if my eyes start hurting too much I'll sadly have to think of my health smh smh 🙄#(they're kinda randomly infected so like wtf sir ma'am mx'am I am in THE Reading A Lot time?? I got exams and fics to write!!#I did get some proper eyedrops for it but uhhhhhghh it's still rAthEr unpleasant smh smh)#Anyway yeah idfk where all these words came from but hope it'll be nice to read rather than '???'#ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ#Thinkings™#SIkuna#(deliberate misspell)#ryomen sukuna#jjk sukuna#syuuya#jjk#jjk fic#jjk fix it#jjk fix it fic#jujutsu kaisen#also that one place is supposed to say *anything not whatever misspell happened
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thank you for the tag @fxreflyes this is so cute, except the format is trying to hinder my propensity to ramble, so i’ve rectified this in the tags lmao
i’m over 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or two piercings / i have at least one tattoo / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / i paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don’t often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i’ve never dated anyone / i have a best friend i’ve known for over five years / i am an only child
no pressure tags for @static-radio-ao3 @inevitablestars @itsjaywalkers @carniferous @orbitfalls @transsexualpriest @futurequibblerjournalist <333
#i'm like 5'7 i think. fun fact i used to wear glasses when i was like 11 bc all my friends were getting glasses and i wanted some too so i#lied to my optician. lol good times. don't actually need glasses tho soooo.#this is me coming out as a natural blonde guys….. like my hair hasn’t been blonde in a good year or so and it hasn’t been my natural blonde#in like three/four years but still in my heart of hearts i identify as a blonde. like i get confused when people don't count me as one#i have my ears and nose pierced and i would love a tattoo but unfortunately i have both a fear of needles and commitment issues so.#not sure if that’ll ever happen… would be very hot and sexy tho. also i'm one of those freaks with green eyes lol it's appaza quite rare#my hair is currently like dark dark brown… have been getting the itch to dye it again tho like a kinda reddish colour idk yet we’ll see#i had braces for AAGES. i have freckles in the summer and i paint my nails whenever i remember to. rn they’re a very chipped lilac colour#i think i have a resting bitch face but i can never tell tbf like it might be more of a resting 'dead to the world' face lmao#okay technically i don’t play an instrument anymore! but in the past i’ve dabbled with the cello the oboe and the xylophone. singing too#spanish and italian baybee although ig if this means like fluently then that’s not me but this is literally my degree it’s my whole brand#yes i like to read but also the only things ive read in like the last few months have been either books in spanish/italian for my degree#literary criticism for said span/ital books and… fanfic. so. also i like writing but it's my worst enemy rn the thoughts aren't working :(#i have many best friends that i’ve known for years!!!! in fact i've known some of my friends for like my entire life it's very cute#okay sorry for rambling i can never help myself and i also literally could go on icl like there was Some restraint applied here#kara lore#bc there's quite a lot of it in this one lol#tag games
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it's kind of weird to me that they didn't bother releasing sushi and tempura internationally at all but at the same time i'm kinda glad they didn't cuz like. yo-kai watch was financially failing in the west by the time 3 released. i feel like if they had released sushi and tempura the franchise would've completely tanked before we got sukiyaki which would've sucked. honestly if anything i feel like it's more surprising that we got all three versions of 2 instead of them just releasing psychic specters but tbf i think yo-kai watch was doing well in the west when 2 released. 2 is just inexplicably what killed the franchise despite being a masterpiece-
#puppy rambles#yo-kai watch#yw3#yw2#idk. i have a lot of thoughts on this stuff#still upset i didn't find out 3 released in america until a while after it did :/ could've gotten a physical copy if i'd found out earlier#but alas. i'm just stuck with a boring digital version. i mean the digital versions of yo-kai watch games are better but like. still#i never got maginyan in blasters even though i could've. the code or whatever was on the receipt but my mom bought it for me#from the nintendo website. and i don't think she checked it and i don't think i found out that was where it was until a bit after i got it-#i did get machonyan and jibanyan t/komasan t's codes entered though so i can get them on any playthrough now#unless i put the sd card in another 3ds since apparently it's system-based instead of sd card based??? which is really stupid#but you can probably bypass that with cfw and i do plan on modding my 3ds eventually#it'll just be a process cuz i don't have an sd card slot on my computer and idk if my moms would be willing to help#so i'll probably have to get a separate sd card reader or whatever. which i do think my moms would be okay with i mean#it's my system and they're cool with piracy lfskdjfjkfsdkljfd-#my moms are so cool <3 i just wish i could get them interested in yo-kai watch but they don't seem to care lfskdjfkjsfdjlksfd-#they determined the battle system doesn't sound fun but i might've just described it badly#i mean tbf. it is very annoying sometimes. especially when my healer just will not heal the other yo-kai#''DO YOUR FUCKING JOB TATTLECAST STOP LOAFING'' -me playing 2#that being said if 1's switch port ever releases in america i am totally playing it on the tv#i WILL force my moms to watch me play funni ghost game whether they like it or not /lh#if we do ever get 1's switch port i hope they make it a collection of some kind with 2 and 3 remasters too i would buy that in a heartbeat#i mean obviously i will buy any american-released yo-kai watch stuff in a heartbeat aside from maaaaaybe y-school heroes#(i'm sorry y-school heroes fans i just cannot get into it. from concept alone it sounds like i would not enjoy it)#maybe sangokushi too if we ever get that but i feel like we probably won't#idk if the franchise it's a crossover with is popular enough in america for that#i hope we get more english yo-kai watch content once ghost craft releases. kinda feel like it's testing the waters tbh#i know it's seemingly just a spiritual successor but still#i do hope that it being a spiritual successor doesn't mean yo-kai watch is over. i doubt that it will since like#punipuni still gets semi-frequent updates
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i do think there's probably something suspicious about the way everyone loves Ca$h and Quinni and their depth while essentially reducing Darren to their shared supporting character and/or the sassy black woman(/person in this case) stereotype, but I feel somewhat hypocritical bringing it up
#shimmer's thoughts#heartbreak high#darren rivers#cash piggott#ca$h piggott#quinni gallagher jones#tbf i'm mainly a meta writer and i feel like they mentioned darren's issues so clearly in s1 that there's not much for me to say#but most people aren't meta writers. and/or people who know the show better might be able to find things to talk about#it could also be more of a problem with the show itself bc from what i can remember they don't get much else to do#like. it feels like the white characters they support just have more depth and more going on than them#and ik people have talked about the show being weird about missy and malakai#although if we're going to talk about how missy and malakai are mistreated by the show#why is no attention given to the fact that darren's like 90% a stereotype#and 9% is them being desperate enough to change integral parts of themself for a white boy#and 1% is them explaining the stereotype with parent issues where the white dad is focused on and the black mom just disappears#that's still suspicious#also i feel like everyone jumps to hate on them every time they get the chance#without looking at why they do things. but then again the show doesn't really explain their reasoning ever does it#either way i feel like i either see people stereotyping them or shitting on them and no one in between acting regular about things#like i just went into the tags to make sure i'm not losing it and there's like 3 posts cutting them slack for the s1 ca$h storyline#and that's it. everything else focuses on ca$h or quinni or hates on them or stereotypes them. i just think that's a bit odd#idk. i can't put my finger on it but something's not right. i don't trust it#i mean i kinda did put my finger on it. i kinda slapped it repeatedly with my finger. but i still don't see a coherent enough thread here#to be personally satisfied. if i can't write a summary of my thoughts my thoughts aren't clear enough
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shoutout to the p4 party rebalance mod giving naoto basically every element's ultimate skill.
she deserves it-
#rambearling#persona 4#p4#totally gonna use that mod my next playthrough. i need to be able to actually use yosuke the whole game#i wanted to but my friend told me he sucks and to use kanji instead 😒 /lh /silly#which. tbf probably for the best i didn't have good elec coverage on yu for like 90% of the game-#i still don't have good wind coverage though and i'm at the final dungeon. i just have like. magaru on izanagi. and garudyne on naoto#i might still have a mothman with something idr-#will probably wait until it gets updated to have a working full izanagi moveset though i have used him the whole game this playthrough#but he uh. kinda fucking sucks-#my moveset for him is like. zionga magaru media herculean strike. and then a bunch of stat moves i don't remembear-#thinking about it there's probably guides for this kinda thing online i was just fucking around and finding out#the closest i got to actually optimizing skills was fusing black frost for the shadow mitsuo fight gggffgffgdgdg-#black frost is my hecking mvp this playthrough i bearsically just use him and izanagi honestly#i don't know what i'm doing when it comes to fusing personas tbh. when i'm in the velvet room i kinda just make whatever looks cool#and then 90% of the time i don't use it cuz i have izanagi and black frost hhggfhfvfd-#basically the only thing those two can't do is light. and almighty but that's beary situational. naoto covers both of those-#and then teddie heals and has multitarget ice skills and kanji has actually good elec skills + more phys skills 👍#i'm good at this game i swear i know it really doesn't sound like it from these tags-#i beat kusumi-no-okami my first try and my friend says that fight's hard soooooo. yea 😎
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pressed bc was on my run today such a perfect day having a great time nice and easy but my HR was high enough that i actually started feeling it and was feeling so off that i stopped at 4 and walked the rest of the way home.... I probably overdid it a little bit yesterday (run + bike) given i did run a half at probably 85% effort on saturday and the marathon 2.5weeks ago but rlly I've been feeling totally fine!!!! but i also don't rlly want to mess up my recovery or comeback or whatever so obvi good to take it easy.... Anyway I'm gonna go rake leaves to appreciate the fall weather but everyone just know i am IRRITATED BY THIS!!!!!!! I just wanna run around!!!!!!!!!!
#it's not like im trying to do speedwork or anything#Ok also can I say I don't understand when ppl r like. U should do most of ur training in z2#If i ran most of my miles in z2 I would be bored out of my fucking skull and also running soooo slow#I think my HR zones have always been like. A little bit high tho. Idk I don't do HR training and I know watches have drift#Tetrapod runs#I said I'd chillax on the running blogging post marathon but now im like well I might register for this one next June#Which means I gotta figure out my offseason plan bc i really do not feel diminished desire to run LOL I want to run MORE!!!!!!#But anyway might start doing plates at the y.... Might try and swim a little more bc i liked that for my tri#Hope we get proper snow this winter so I can XC SKI!!!!#also for the record i took 8 days no running post marathon then like ran 2x the week before half#And then 4mi day before half then half#And since then I've taken 2 days off and 3 days ET....#Idk in my head I was like oh I'm kinda trying to reverse the taper in terms of mileage#But gotta be chiller than that....its just how I feel.....#Also tbf i kinda want my base daily mileage to be 5 not 3 so I don't rlly want to drop down to running 3s like I was.... A year n change ag#Oh my other guess is slight dehydration#My mom might say I'm not eating enough but I am eating like the same as always and proper fueling has never rlly been an issue#So i don't think its that..... Probably a lil dehydrated and then still race recovery#Ah. The body. on the plus side this pair of jeans I love fits way better than they ever have before
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The fact that this is the most I've thought about Double Exposure in the 4 or so months it has been revealed says a lot about how little hype I've been feeling for the game 😭
#bulletbilltime rambling#life is strange#I have a whole rant about why this game was cursed the moment they decided to bring max back#but yeah it took like an hour for the hype to crumble#and a new life is strange game was very high on my wishlist!!#and yet now that it's there... I don't really feel anything#tbf I don't tend to get hyped for new games very much#but like this should have been a slam dunk and it just left me feeling neutral#this felt like a drop on par with announcing Mario Maker 2 or Pikmin 4 and idk. I'm just not feeling it#like I JUST finished replaying Life is Strange 1 and it did NOTHING to make me more excited for DE.#that's just kinda disappointing idk.#it's literally in the 'maybe I'll play it at some point' zone. that feels wrong to me#I genuinely think if we had a new non-Max story I would be more excited#idk how that works but here we are#like fanfics are gonna give me food for years to come with anything LiS1 related#give me something new and interesting!
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oh shit yeah grimm and yarrow are exes to lovers huh
#tbf i don't rly think of my writing in tropes. even then exes to lovers doesn't cross my mind as often as friends- or enemies- to lovers#as in it's like. slightly less common? idfk i don't pay all that much attention to that. it's also not a trope i inherently jump at as#someone who personally does not find the thought of getting back with an ex remotely appealing#however. when my characters are stupid about these things...#i think it didn't cross my mind bc they don't. formally break up so i kinda forgot they're technically exes at the beginning of p2#it's like 'i need to fucking book it bc i killed a guy and his guys want my head for that but i'll come back [doesn't do that for. five#years and mostly comes back bc they're out of options]' not 'it's fucking over' yknow?#their relationship by the end of p1 is kind of funky though. it's absolutely romantic in nature but grimm is. kind of a mess bc it's got#this tension of wanting to simultaneously get close to someone and not let them in so the two of them actually don't get all that far?#they're both too afraid to have sex about it that's for sure#i'm not even sure what they call their relationship at that point either. for grimm's sake i don't think they'd really call it anything#in essence it ends with a lot of broken promises that weren't quite promises yknow?#if grimm hadn't booked it i think eventually the two of them might've sorted out their shit but also there's a v high chance grimm would've#fucked things over for good. actually now that i think about it they probably would have run off at some other point#i also think it's important for yarrow's development that grimm fucked off. gotta add some bitterness to that mixture there#you see the five years between p1 and p2 are essential for character development. they gotta marinate in who the fuck they are#make themselves a bit better. make themselves a bit worse. date someone else for a year or so. as it goes#i'm fully rambling here but. what the fuck ever that's what this blog is for#at all times i want to talk about my characters. i only occasionally find a way to make it into a post#grimmyarrow
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...staring at my drafts and realizing i should perhaps consider pausing on answering ask prompts to start getting caught back up on those instead bc the number is back in the 40s & i just found a starter i completely forgot about bc it got lost on the second page :x
#a few weeks of mentally struggling & being out of it has really done a number on all that hard work i did getting (almost) caught up l-lmao#tbf everything except like. 2 threads (& a few unprompted asks that're in there) are all from march & april but. hhhh.#i was doing sm better at staying on top of stuff and then suddenly that all went to hell lmakjfakjs#really tho i suppose i should just keep doing whatever i'm feeling/enjoying the most right?#i'm here to have fun not stress over deadlines that don't exist for replies#need to get better at remembering that. need to..... idk. stop feeling overwhelmed over a hobby lmao#i just!!!! feel so bad leaving things for so long!!! i worry it makes people think i don't want to write w them#or i've lost interest or smth which!!! is not at all the case!!!! my brain just sucks so bad!!!!!#i'm rambling to myself ignore me ajsfksd i'll see what i feel like tackling tomorrow#hopefully?? i'll have some better focus??? bc my writing has still felt v disjointed today and i don't. like that. at all.#but my usual routine around the house is still kinda disrupted & off-kilter until monday which i think is playing a big part in my struggle#so. idk. we'll see. i'm still rambling i'm sorry pls continue ignoring me askjfsd#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.
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Your guardian angel every time you ovulate because you start thinking about tinder again (I'm not sorry)
STAWP
#tbf now that i'm feeling normal again i'm thinking ''Jesus what a stupid thing to do'' bc wtf#but also when i ovupost (hope this gets into webster) i kinda forget people can see it. i hope this doesn't go into korka lore#it's okay i'm normal like 29 days of the month. you gotta give me those three days of nothing in the brain#asks
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guys i'm gonna be so fr. the idea i may actually live to an old age (or even just like. 40. even 30 tbh) scares me way more than dying 👍
#my body is already so shitty and it's only gonna get worse from here lol#also i feel like. already too old for any field i actually wanna work in#(tbf acting schools here likely won't accept you if you're 25 or older so. that's a part of why i feel that way)#i kinda do hope my tests end up revealing a deadly disease and i have like a year left or smth#might actually get me to start doing things lol#i'm fine dw i'm just Thinking. i'm sad abt being alive ig. i'm not a fan#negative //#ask to tag
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W.G. Collingwood, Marvel Comics, P. Craig Russell, a bunch of other illustrators and artists I'm not gonna bother looking up now: Balder is universally beloved, which means he's Young and Hot. Hod is blind, which means he's Old. Or at least, looks significantly older than Balder.
Peter Madsen: Hear me out... what if they looked basically the same? And they both looked like Just Some Guy? And one or the other looking more attractive came down to self-confidence or a lack thereof?
Carl Gustaf Qvarnström and Nils Fredrick Sander, the absolute madmen: SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU. HOD IS ALSO 100% YOUNG AND HOT. AND MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE SOMETHING MORE GOING ON WITH LOKI BEYOND THE FRATRICIDE. THERE HAS TO BE A REASON HE'S SO READY TO TRUST HIM, RIGHT?
#norse mythology#hod#hödr#hoder#loki#loki x hod#hello why yes i AM back on my bullshit#... okay tbf i'm always on my bullshit. i have a such a wide array of bullshit#today i'm specifically back to#'old age isn't the only reason someone could ever be blind or visually impaired. my eyes have been pretty fucked since i was a child' bs#and 'I GET MAKING NORSE GODS LOOK MORE CLASSICAL. I THINK IT'S A STUPID IDEA BUT I UNDERSTAND THE PRINCIPLE.#BUT WHY DOES LOKI KINDA LOOK LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO KISS HOD'S SHOULDER IN THAT LAST PIC. WAS THAT REALLY NEEDED' bs#istg if this stupid hellsite censors this post too...#i guarantee all pics in this post feature only male-presenting characters let them live
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i continue to be so pleased when people clock me like yes i AM a weird little lesbian thank you for noticing <3
#a coworker was asking if i was in a relarionship and he used 'she' before i did#ok the 'trans rights are human rights' shirt im wearing probably helped but STILL#him and my work mom and i think also my manager all kinds just Knew and that is the fucking best#tbf my work mom is Kinda Bisexual (though i think she said she doesn't use that label for reasons I'm not getting into here)#and my manager is either a lesbian or bi herself (i think lesbian??)#so like. same sees same or whatever#and then my OTHER coworker also was the one who i think was trying to '''subtley''' find out cus he randomly brought up like#'oh my c cousin is gay and hes cool' or whatever it was he said#but i think he's the only one who has maybe also clocked me as trans ???#anyway its a fun little thing to ME#mostly cus i dont actually hide it so its pleasabt for people to just kinda assume that way for me#shh ac
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